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[♪ theme music playing]
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[Tina] "Francois was the handsomest
and yet also sensitivest blacksmith
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in the entire village
of Horse-mandy.
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{\an8}His flowing mane
and taut haunches
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{\an8}rippled with every strike
of his hammer.
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And yet, as he watched
the sparks fly,
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Francois wondered if he could ever
make sparks fly in a romantic way."
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- [Linda] Tina, breakfast! Come on.
- Oh, okay.
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{\an8}- There you are.
- Sorry I took so long.
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{\an8}I was really in the zone
with my latest horsetorical fiction.
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{\an8}Ah, yes. Your illustrated
erotic horse stories.
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{\an8}I mean, they're sensual, but
they're also historical, so it's classy.
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See? There's Gallopleo,
the astronomer.
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[Gene] More like Gala-hey-yo!
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- [Tina] There's William Studspeare.
- [Linda] Oh, wow.
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There's Horsemus.
He's a gladiator, a nice gladiator.
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{\an8}He doesn't listen
to the gladi-haters.
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{\an8}I don't know if I even need
to study history at school anymore.
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{\an8}And then there's Francois.
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{\an8}Wow, he looks very strong.
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{\an8}Well, yeah, he's a blacksmith.
He's pounding all day.
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{\an8}- Yeah, Dad.
- Hmm.
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{\an8}This baby's
gonna be filled soon.
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{\an8}Then I'll probably
look for a publisher.
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{\an8}Ideally, someone
who supports me
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{\an8}but also challenges me,
especially on my spelling.
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{\an8}"If found, return
to Tina Belcher."
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{\an8}Wait. That's our phone number?
I remember it being more fun.
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Oh, I just had an idea
for Francois.
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- If you could just make a little room.
- Um...
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- Okay. Yeah.
- Thanks.
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He was so sweaty
from the hammering.
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He would have to hose off
before the revolution that was coming.
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- Hmm.
- The French one.
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- [Bob] Hi, kids.
- Oh, hey, kids, how was school?
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{\an8}Underfunded and underfun.
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{\an8}I mean, I get what
it was going for.
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{\an8}I just don't know
if it got there.
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{\an8}I had a good day.
In study hall, I wrote a scene
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{\an8}where Francois blacksmiths the revolution
bad guys so hard, his vest rips.
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{\an8}Here, I can read you
a little bit if you want.
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{\an8}- Okay.
- Wait. What the...
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{\an8}[gasping]
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{\an8}- Tina?
- Honey, what's wrong?
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{\an8}My horsetorical fiction.
It's gone! It's-it's not in my backpack!
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{\an8}- [gasping]
- Stay calm.
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{\an8}Just try to remember
the last place you had it, honey.
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{\an8}Okay, uh, I had it
when we left school today.
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{\an8}And then on the way home, we stopped
to watch that pigeon eat that Band-Aid.
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{\an8}He made me want
to try a dirty Band-Aid.
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{\an8}[Tina]
And we found a quarter on the ground,
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{\an8}so we used that and,
and then
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{\an8}mostly my money to buy a cup of
frozen yogurt from Fro-Yo-Momma.
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{\an8}Ate it on the steps
and we were supposed to split it evenly,
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{\an8}but you guys ate
way more than two-thirds.
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- I didn't hear you complaining.
- I did complain.
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I mean, I didn't listen
to you complaining.
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The steps! That's it.
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We were eating Froyo
and watching the skateboarders
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do what they seemed
to think were tricks,
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{\an8}so I decided to start my
math homework, so I pulled my books out.
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{\an8}When we left
I must have somehow
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{\an8}not put the horsetorical
fiction back in my bag.
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{\an8}Aah! Mom, Dad...
I'll... I'll be right back.
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{\an8}[Tina screaming]
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- Uh, okay, Tina.
- Good luck.
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Look at that nag run.
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Ah! It's not here?
It's not here!
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[screaming]
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[yelling] That's you.
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Sorry, that was mean.
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[groaning]
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[chomps]
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[groaning]
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Tina, I'm sorry
about your horse book.
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I-Is there a way
you could maybe just start a new one?
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- Oh.
- Oh, boy.
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Are you even hearing yourself
right now, Dad?
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I am so sorry about him, Tina.
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He's just a man.
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That book was irreplaceable!
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We know, sweetie.
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Hey, have some more
mac and cheese.
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Hay! [crying]
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- Oh, 'cause of horses.
- Jeez, Mom, rein it in.
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- Reins?
- Ah! Right.
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[sighs]
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I guess I should just accept that
it's probably gone forever.
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- [phone rings]
- Aww.
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Forever isn't that long.
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Hello?
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Yeah, she's here.
Who's calling?
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Tina, it's for you.
He said it's a friend.
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Kind of a weird voice,
no judgment.
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- Uh, hello?
- [man distorted] Is this Tina Belcher?
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- Yeah.
- Don't talk. Just listen.
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But you just asked me
if I was Tina Belcher.
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- Shh.
- Okay.
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I believe I have something
that belongs to you.
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A book of
horse-related writing.
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Your horsetorical fiction.
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[♪ suspenseful music plays]
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Are you still there?
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Yeah, sorry.
You-You told me not to say--
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- Shh.
- Right.
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If you ever want to see your precious
book again, it'll cost you $50. Cash.
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Secure the money. You'll receive
a call at 10:00 a.m. tomorrow
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with further instructions.
And tell no one.
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No parents, no cops.
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And, uh, no parents
who are cops.
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Got it?
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You're allowed to answer.
It's fine.
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- Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
- Okay, bye.
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Tina, everything okay?
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Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
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Did you switch
our Internet provider?
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Mmm-hmm. I mean, no.
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As long as I can keep
my Hotmail.
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The nerve of this person holding your
weird erotic horse book for ransom.
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Yeah, write
your own horse smut.
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47, 48, and $2 and change
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makes $50 of birthday
and babysitting money.
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Tina, you cannot give this person
a single penny of our money.
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We're dealing
with a criminal here.
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Don't you think
I know that, Louise?
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Wait. Our money?
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Well, yeah,
as your wealth manager
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and beneficiary,
I can't let you do this.
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But if I don't pay him,
then what's the other option?
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We can't tell Mom and Dad
'cause if he finds out,
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I might never
get my book back.
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Hear me out.
I've got a plan.
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He's gonna call you
tomorrow morning
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and tell you
where to leave the money, right?
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So when you find out where you're
supposed to make the exchange,
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Gene and I shoot over there
and hide.
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We monitor the drop point.
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Then when this punk
grabs the money, we follow him back
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to wherever he came from
and threaten to go to the cops
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if he doesn't give us
the book back.
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We get the book,
keep the money, and we all high-five.
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[Gene] And then maybe
we go out dancing.
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- Louise.
- What?
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I know you want to help,
but I think the safest thing
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is to just follow his rules
and not make any trouble.
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So I just need you
to stay out of it.
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I'm just trying to have a nice,
simple ransom situation here, okay?
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- But you don't--
- Nope.
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- If we just--
- Nope.
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Okay, fine. Can I just
say goodbye to the money?
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[whispers] I'm gonna figure this out.
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- I love you.
- Louise...
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I want to say goodbye
to the change.
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March on, dimes.
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[knock on door]
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[Linda] Tina, honey,
you ready to head down to the restaurant?
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Uh, is it okay if I, I stay up here for
a while? Still pretty upset.
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Sure, honey. No problem.
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Louise, Gene, move it!
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[Louise] We'll be right down!
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[Gene] We're primping.
Trust me. It's worth it.
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Okay, bye, Tina.
We'll... We'll miss you
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partly because
Gene and Louise are so bad at working
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but also because we love you.
Both things.
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But they are really,
really bad
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and you're better.
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- [Louise] We can hear you, Dad!
- Sorry.
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[Louise] Okay, Gene,
time to leave our apartment
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and, um, and go down,
and downstairs, huh, buddy?
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[both]
Walking, walking, walking...
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- Opening the door.
- 'Cause that's how we get out!
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[telephone rings]
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- Hello.
- [man] Did you get the money?
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Yes, I have it.
Fifty big ones,
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but most of them
are little ones.
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Put it in an envelope.
Get a roll a duct tape.
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Tear off four pieces.
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Make those little loops
with them.
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Not too big, not too small.
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Put them on the back of the envelope
and try not to get the loops
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all twisted up
'cause they won't stick as well.
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I guess you could add more loops
to compensate for the twisted loops.
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Um, you're kind of
focusing a lot on the tape
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and loops right now,
it feels like.
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Just bring the envelope
to Wonder Wharf.
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There's a bench
along the wall of the arcade.
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Stick the money
to the underside of the seat.
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That's why you need
all the loops.
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- No, I... I get it.
- I'm not just a weird tape freak.
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- Nobody's saying that.
- Come alone.
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Once the package
has been collected,
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you will receive a call
with instructions
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to where you can
find your book.
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00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:09,845
And don't try anything funny,
or this book will take a long walk
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off a short shredder.
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- [gasps]
- Be there in 15 minutes.
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Wait, I forgot
how many loops-- Oh, you're gone.
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Duct tape. Duct tape...
200
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,815
God, this junk drawer's
a mess. It's all junk.
201
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Hi. Um, I'm gonna take a walk,
see if I can, you know, find my book.
202
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I didn't look in
the rest of the city yet.
203
00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:29,616
Okay. Sounds good, hon.
204
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Poor Tina losing her
super sexy horses book.
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I know, rough stuff.
206
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,455
Hey, Gene and I should
really go after her.
207
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She needs the comfort
of her peers.
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And the squeaks
from our rears.
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Aw, that's nice.
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Just try and be back
before the lunch rush.
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You got it, big guy.
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We live for that crap.
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Okay, walkie-talkies.
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Once we're in position,
this is how we're gonna communicate.
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But also with
our soulful eyes.
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[Louise]
Hide behind this trash can.
217
00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:59,436
I'm gonna go hide behind
that planter over there.
218
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:01,480
Can we switch?
I want to hide behind something
219
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,148
that does doesn't smell
like a dirty diaper
220
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,650
ate an egg salad sandwich.
221
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:05,901
No, this works for me.
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00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:07,611
A lot of duct tape.
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[grunts] Got it.
224
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:12,616
Acting totally normal,
just reaching under a dirty bench,
225
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a lot of gum,
more gum than bench really.
226
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:17,746
The T Train
has left the station.
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Now we wait
for the book heister.
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I got eyes on everybody
coming from the north.
229
00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:23,669
You watch out for everybody
coming from the south.
230
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,087
Which one's south again?
231
00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:26,213
Is it east?
232
00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:29,259
Just watch whoever
takes the money. Over.
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00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:32,302
So what should we talk about
while we wait?
234
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Ken's new faux hawk?
235
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:34,888
Shh. Gene.
236
00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:36,807
Sorry, I thought
it was called "walkie-talkie",
237
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:38,350
not walkie-shushie.
238
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,228
- Just zip it.
- [man] Mmm.
239
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:43,021
[telephone rings]
240
00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:44,106
- Hello.
- [man] You didn't
241
00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:45,357
follow my instructions, Tina.
242
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,567
What are you talking about?
243
00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:47,985
I did the duct tape
and the loops.
244
00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:50,779
A few of them got twisted, sure,
but I did so many loops.
245
00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:52,281
- I said, "Come alone."
- I did.
246
00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:54,033
The loud boy
on the walkie-talkie,
247
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:56,535
talking about
someone named Ken and his faux hawk.
248
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,953
What? Damn it,
Gene and Louise!
249
00:08:57,954 --> 00:08:59,371
Don't call me Gene and Louise.
250
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:01,081
- No, I--
- I'll give you one more chance.
251
00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:03,208
You'll receive another call
tomorrow at 10:00 a.m.
252
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:07,087
In the meantime, you must deal
with the consequence of your disobedience.
253
00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:08,547
What do you mean?
254
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,049
Go to the base
of the south stairwell
255
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,967
by the beach,
underneath the pier.
256
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:15,387
- Something's waiting for you there.
- What is it?
257
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:18,098
[in sing-song voice]
I don't know!
258
00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:19,558
[in normal voice]
Actually, I do know.
259
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,269
Sorry. That was confusing.
Okay, bye.
260
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:22,562
- [line disconnects]
- Aah!
261
00:09:23,188 --> 00:09:26,106
Where is he?
Why hasn't he come to get the money yet?
262
00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:29,526
[Gene] Maybe it's time for him
to booknap a day planner. Am I right?
263
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:31,528
Wait a minute. Tina?
264
00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:34,156
[Gene]
She took her own book. The perfect crime.
265
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:35,783
Gene, Louise, where are you?
266
00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:38,577
- Come out.
- Look who it is. Tina.
267
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,287
You're looking well.
268
00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:42,206
The booknapper saw you guys
and called it all off.
269
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:43,832
You ruined everything.
270
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:45,584
I told you not
to get involved, Louise.
271
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,002
It was a good plan, Tina.
272
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,797
It basically went perfectly
except for the part where
273
00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:52,216
we didn't catch the booknapper
and the part where you seem
274
00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:54,218
undelighted with us
for some reason.
275
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:55,302
Wait, where are you going?
276
00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:56,637
Not that it's any
of your business,
277
00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,388
but to the south stairwell
underneath the pier.
278
00:09:58,389 --> 00:09:59,848
The booknapper
left something for me.
279
00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:01,350
Taking stuff, leaving stuff.
280
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:03,269
Will this guy
just make up his mind?
281
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:06,897
[Louise] Um, does that brick
have your name on it?
282
00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:08,065
Uh...
283
00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:09,525
Probably just a coincidence.
284
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:12,194
I think Tina's a pretty
popular brick name.
285
00:10:12,195 --> 00:10:13,987
There's something
underneath it.
286
00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:15,156
Uh...
287
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:17,116
- [all gasping]
- Francois!
288
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:19,201
- No!
- [birds screech]
289
00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:23,038
"Turn over.
One horse a day, every day,
290
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:24,540
if you don't follow the rules.
291
00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:26,918
Come alone means come alone."
292
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:33,383
Okay, so that clarifies it.
Come alone. Got it. Good stuff to know.
293
00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:41,140
Okay, Tina, you can do this.
294
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,600
I'm so sorry, Francois.
Je t'aime.
295
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:45,144
Louise,
why are you still here?
296
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,478
Go down
to the restaurant already.
297
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,105
I'm going. Gosh!
298
00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:50,482
- [phone rings]
- Do not listen.
299
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:53,068
I'm not. Look at me.
Who's listening to phone calls?
300
00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:56,905
Not this gal.
I'm just looking for my work shoes.
301
00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:59,408
- Hello.
- [man] Tina, it's me from before.
302
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:01,243
- Right.
- I'm giving you one last chance
303
00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:03,912
to get your horse book back,
but the price has gone up.
304
00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:05,414
Now it's $75.
305
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:06,957
What? I don't have that much.
306
00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:08,917
That's the cost
of breaking the rules.
307
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:10,210
But it was my sister's fault.
308
00:11:10,211 --> 00:11:11,753
She went rogue
without my knowledge.
309
00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:13,422
Well, it's your fault
for having a sister.
310
00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:15,799
But I wasn't allowed
to weigh in on that decision.
311
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,176
Either you find the rest
312
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:20,137
or all of your Mister Eds
are Mister Dead.
313
00:11:20,138 --> 00:11:21,471
- [gasps]
- So it's goodbye
314
00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:23,432
to Whinny-ston Church-hoof.
315
00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:26,476
- Aah!
- Goodbye, Saddledor Dali.
316
00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:30,439
- Oh, God!
- Goodbye, Alexander the Great Horse.
317
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,065
Please, no,
I'll get the money.
318
00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:34,067
You have till 4:00 p.m.
this afternoon.
319
00:11:34,068 --> 00:11:35,527
I'll call with
further instructions.
320
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,404
4:00 p.m.? If I can't
get the money by then,
321
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,323
can we maybe
consider, like, a payment plan?
322
00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:40,490
- [line disconnects]
- Aah!
323
00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:42,075
How'd it go? Pretty good?
324
00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:43,869
Don't feel like talking? Okay.
325
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:44,954
Psst.
326
00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:49,958
Did you get it?
Could you record it off the burger phone?
327
00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:51,126
You tell me.
328
00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:52,878
[man] Tina, it's me
from before.
329
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:55,631
Yeah. Okay, so now
we listen for clues.
330
00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:57,007
Figure out
where this person is.
331
00:11:57,008 --> 00:12:00,052
Ideally, like a very specific
subway goes by
332
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,512
that we both instantly
recognize the sound of.
333
00:12:02,513 --> 00:12:04,890
Or we hear Big Ben
and we know it's in London.
334
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:06,767
[man] Tina, it's me
from before.
335
00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:10,395
You have till 4:00 p.m. this afternoon.
I'll call with further instructions.
336
00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:13,440
Damn it! We've listened
to it ten times, and we got nothing.
337
00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:15,776
Not even like
a regional bird chirp.
338
00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:17,069
[sighs]
What else do we know?
339
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:19,529
It had to have been someone
who was at the steps, right?
340
00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:20,906
Who was there that day?
341
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:23,784
- Skateboarders. Skateboarding.
- Typical.
342
00:12:23,785 --> 00:12:26,412
Ugh! I think I know
who we have to talk to.
343
00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:28,705
Hello, Logan.
344
00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:30,624
I don't remember
ordering two dweebs.
345
00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:33,460
Mom, did we order
from Dweeb Dash?
346
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:34,878
Hi, this is Tina Belcher.
347
00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:37,381
Um, I was wondering
if you might need a babysitter
348
00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:40,384
from now to 3:48 p.m.
349
00:12:40,385 --> 00:12:43,470
No? Just pay me to come over
and watch your freaking kid!
350
00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:47,099
Look, Louise, I don't know why
anyone would want some book
351
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,893
full of horse-related
creative musings.
352
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:52,646
But even if I did,
I'd never rat out my bros.
353
00:12:52,647 --> 00:12:54,690
That's why they're my bros.
354
00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:56,817
It sounds like
a good group of guys!
355
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,944
Gene, calm down.
Logan loves his bros.
356
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:01,196
There's that one bro
and the other bro
357
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:04,449
and the one with the brown hair, bangs.
What's his name?
358
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:07,536
Who, Troy? Solid bro.
And they're not bangs.
359
00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:09,329
For dudes,
it's just front hair.
360
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:11,957
And, yeah, I'd never
rat that bro out.
361
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:14,751
Right, of course.
I mean, why would you ever rat out Troy?
362
00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:17,296
What's his last name?
Troy, um, Walker.
363
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,131
Ha! No, dummy.
364
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,590
Troy Roberts.
365
00:13:20,591 --> 00:13:22,676
No, you're friends
with Troy Walker.
366
00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:25,595
He lives on Oakwood Road,
and his mom's name is Nancy.
367
00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:27,639
What the heck
are you talking about?
368
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:31,893
The only Troy I know is Troy Roberts,
and he lives on Lake Street,
369
00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:34,813
and his mom's name is Sandy,
and she asks me about myself,
370
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,607
and she makes her own pizza,
you idiot!
371
00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:39,651
Ah. You're right.
I'm an idiot.
372
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:42,654
We'll just let you go back
to whatever you were doing.
373
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:45,866
I believe the words you're looking for
are Xbox-ing my butt off.
374
00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:47,784
And, yes,
I'd like to get back to it.
375
00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:48,869
Absolutely.
376
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:50,370
Let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go.
377
00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:51,748
My best to the bros.
378
00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:55,125
- Oh, good, Tina, you're here.
- Uh-huh.
379
00:13:55,126 --> 00:13:56,585
- Hi, Tina.
- Hey, Tina.
380
00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:58,962
Any chance
you and your brother and your sister
381
00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:00,589
are available to work here?
382
00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:02,758
Because you guys
used to do that,
383
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,718
but you seem
to have stopped entirely.
384
00:14:04,719 --> 00:14:06,887
They could really
use your help, Tina. Believe me.
385
00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:08,305
Wait. What do you mean?
386
00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:10,098
Oh, just sticky menu,
387
00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:11,433
ketchup is getting low.
388
00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:13,393
- The wheels are coming off.
- Hey.
389
00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:14,728
- Yeah.
- It's not a criticism.
390
00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,730
- Don't take it that way.
- "The wheels are coming off."
391
00:14:16,731 --> 00:14:18,065
That's not a criticism?
392
00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:20,734
I mean,
if you take it that way, I suppose it is.
393
00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:23,153
Yeah, not quite ready
to go back to work yet,
394
00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:25,781
but, um, hey, I was wondering
if I could maybe
395
00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:28,200
get an advance on my allowance
for this week.
396
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:29,367
- What?
- An advance?
397
00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:30,494
For what, sweetie?
398
00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:35,415
Oh, um, for homework,
for, uh, money class.
399
00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:38,043
- Money class?
- I mean, for vitamins,
400
00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:40,295
- homework vitamins.
- Homework vitamins?
401
00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:42,005
When I was a kid,
we called that speed.
402
00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:43,507
- Oh.
- Never mind. Forget it.
403
00:14:43,508 --> 00:14:45,092
I'll figure it out. Bye.
404
00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:46,593
And she's gone again.
405
00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:48,095
[Louise]
Okay, what you got for us,
406
00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:50,138
- Troy Roberts, on Lake Street?
- [♪ drums playing]
407
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:52,516
Who's his roommate?
Jack Hammer?
408
00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:54,434
- Um, hi.
- Hey, is Troy home?
409
00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:57,020
Uh, yeah.
Troy's in the garage, playing his drums.
410
00:14:57,021 --> 00:15:00,107
That must be fun for everyone
a mile in every direction.
411
00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:02,359
Troy! Some kids are here
to see you.
412
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,237
- What?
- They're here to see you!
413
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:06,321
- What?
- Hey,
414
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,740
you were at the steps last Friday, right?
415
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:09,825
I was.
416
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:12,327
Were you the one
who took my sister's horse book?
417
00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:13,870
What? What's a horse book?
418
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:15,247
It's what it sounds like.
419
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:18,959
Why would I need a horse book
when I got these fillies?
420
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:21,294
Okay. Do you know
who might have taken it?
421
00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:23,380
Honestly, if I'm at the steps,
I'm mostly
422
00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:26,133
focused on my friends,
Ollie and Kick Flip,
423
00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:27,425
skateboard moves.
424
00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:29,928
Yep. Do you remember
who else was there that day?
425
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:32,055
I mean, everyone? Let's see.
426
00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:35,642
♪ There was Eric Rivers
and Kaitlin Montgomery ♪
427
00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:38,478
♪ And Monica Delgado
and EJ... ♪
428
00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:39,729
Okay, great. Thank you.
429
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:42,649
♪ And Ira Miller
and India Durasso ♪
430
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:44,985
♪ Becky M and Becca Y ♪
431
00:15:44,986 --> 00:15:47,821
- Ooh! Lot of names.
- ♪ And the three goth kids ♪
432
00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:51,908
♪ I know one of them is Brandon
Who did I forget? ♪
433
00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:55,120
♪ Oh, right
My little sister Regan ♪
434
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:57,122
♪ But she's so forgettable ♪
435
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,957
[sighs] Is that everyone?
436
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,585
♪ I think so! ♪
437
00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:04,129
All right. Great.
Thanks. Bye.
438
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:05,715
I'm playing you out.
439
00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:08,592
{\an8}- [man on recording] Tina...
- [sighs]
440
00:16:08,593 --> 00:16:11,887
Basically, every teenager
in the world was at the steps that day.
441
00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:15,640
I can't wait till I'm a teenager
and I'm excited about cement stairs.
442
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:18,518
Ugh. Why couldn't there be
$22 and change on the couch?
443
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:22,189
- What are couches even good for?
- T-Tina, it's me from before.
444
00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:24,399
[gasps] Is that from
my phone call earlier?
445
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,109
- Did you record it?
- Whoops.
446
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:28,528
In our defense,
you said, "I couldn't listen,"
447
00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:29,988
but you never said
Gene couldn't.
448
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,115
- Ugh!
- I know what will make you feel better.
449
00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:33,367
A little remix.
450
00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:35,035
♪ Tina, it's me ♪
451
00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:36,620
♪ Ti... T-Tina, it's me ♪
452
00:16:36,621 --> 00:16:38,789
[voice changes pitch]
♪ Tin-Tin-Tina, it's me from before ♪
453
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:40,123
Eh?
454
00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:42,042
Wait, Gene,
play that last one again.
455
00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:44,461
- Okay.
- ♪ Tina, it's me from before ♪
456
00:16:44,462 --> 00:16:46,213
- I know that voice.
- Hmm?
457
00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:49,049
Oh, my gosh, that...
that sounds like Regan.
458
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:51,009
Holy crap.
Wait. Who's Regan?
459
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,053
- Troy's sister.
- Holy crap.
460
00:16:53,054 --> 00:16:55,055
- Um, who's Troy again?
- Logan's friend.
461
00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:57,266
Oh, yeah, right. Holy crap!
462
00:17:01,229 --> 00:17:03,022
{\an8}[phone ringing]
463
00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:05,065
[knock on door]
464
00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:07,026
We know you're in there.
Open up.
465
00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:09,986
- Hello, Regan.
- Uh...
466
00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:11,154
Surprised to see us?
467
00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:14,115
Or did we interrupt you
in the middle of a phone call?
468
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:16,743
Also, hi,
I'm Tina Belcher. Yes, that Tina Belcher!
469
00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:18,536
We know you took
my sister's horse book.
470
00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:19,871
And you killed Francois.
471
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,373
- No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did.
472
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,541
We figured it out.
Well, I figured it out.
473
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:26,253
Which makes up for everything
Tina was mad at me about before.
474
00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:27,921
I mean, I'm not totally sure
it does.
475
00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:29,130
Shh, shh. It does.
476
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:31,091
So hand it over, Regan,
or we're gonna tell on you
477
00:17:31,092 --> 00:17:33,093
like you've never been
told on before.
478
00:17:33,094 --> 00:17:35,595
A tattletale telethon.
479
00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:37,430
I don't even know
what you guys are talking about.
480
00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:39,891
Oh, I think you do.
We have you on tape.
481
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:42,060
Or Casio. Play it, Gene.
482
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:43,979
Tina, it's me from before.
483
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:47,399
That could be anyone. That could even be
an AI thing, for all I know.
484
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,150
AI don't think so.
485
00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:51,194
Well, if you don't have it,
you should have no problem
486
00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:52,821
letting us search
your bedroom for it.
487
00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:54,823
- Be my guest.
- Oh, we will.
488
00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:56,950
- Shoes off or on?
- On is fine.
489
00:17:56,951 --> 00:17:58,035
Yeah, it is.
490
00:17:59,453 --> 00:18:00,829
Where are our kids?
491
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:03,123
Did they grow up?
Are they in college?
492
00:18:03,124 --> 00:18:04,666
No, we can't
afford that, right?
493
00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:07,711
Should we have more kids?
Someone's gotta bus the tables.
494
00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:08,838
Yeah, maybe.
495
00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:11,923
- It's got to be in here somewhere.
- Nice picture.
496
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:13,800
{\an8}Are you a member
of the Grumpy Face Society?
497
00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:16,011
It's my school ID.
I just started high school.
498
00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:17,596
- I've heard of it.
- Anyway, see?
499
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,598
I told you I didn't
take your horse book.
500
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,808
What's this?
"Rosie the Ribbiter?"
501
00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:24,269
[Regan] It's just this
dumb comic I used to draw,
502
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:25,562
but I don't draw that anymore.
503
00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:27,188
I'm in high school.
I do other stuff.
504
00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:29,858
Like, looking at my phone when
everyone else is looking at their phone.
505
00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:31,693
- Okay?
- Ooh, pizza oven.
506
00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:33,862
Is that where your mom
makes her famous homemade pizzas
507
00:18:33,863 --> 00:18:35,530
that you haven't
offered us yet?
508
00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:36,865
Is it pizza night?
509
00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:38,700
- Uh...
- Regan?
510
00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:40,368
- Uh...
- Oh, my God,
511
00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:42,329
is my horsetorical fiction
in the pizza oven?
512
00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:43,496
No...
513
00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:46,459
- [all screaming]
- Run for it! [screaming]
514
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,753
No! [panting]
515
00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:52,213
She burned it.
You book-burning B-word.
516
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:54,633
- Hi, honey. Having some friends over?
- Uh...
517
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:57,469
Oh, you started
the pizza oven. Great. I'll get the dough.
518
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:58,887
Are your friends
staying for dinner?
519
00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:00,138
- No!
- Maybe.
520
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:03,808
- Okay.
- Regan, what are you looking at?
521
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:05,518
Oh, my God, there it is.
522
00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:06,978
- [gasps]
- Nuh-uh.
523
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:09,731
Give it to us. Or we'll go in there
right now and tell your mom.
524
00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:11,816
And see what toppings
she's thinking of.
525
00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:14,653
Or I just burn it now.
And it's your word against mine.
526
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,529
- Damn it, Regan.
- I called you at four o'clock.
527
00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:18,448
You didn't answer,
so I had to start the oven,
528
00:19:18,449 --> 00:19:20,450
which I had to do anyway,
because it's pizza night.
529
00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:22,243
But I did it early
to burn your book,
530
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:24,704
because that's
the only evidence that connects me to you.
531
00:19:24,705 --> 00:19:27,457
Don't do it, Regan. I'll give you
all the money I have right now.
532
00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:28,917
No, no, no, no, no.
We're past money.
533
00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:31,419
You know too much about me.
This is how this has to go.
534
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:33,755
And you know, I'm actually
doing you a favor, Tina.
535
00:19:33,756 --> 00:19:35,965
Back when I was
in eighth grade, I was a lot like you.
536
00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:39,010
Innocent, naive. I didn't really care
what anybody thought about me
537
00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,012
or whatever weird stuff
I was into.
538
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:43,556
I didn't care about the way I dressed,
what my hair looked like,
539
00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:46,726
or if my bangs made sense,
or if my socks looked like that.
540
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:48,770
- Wait, what?
- But as soon as I got to high school,
541
00:19:48,771 --> 00:19:50,021
all of that changed.
542
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,565
Do you think people were into
Rosie the Ribbiter comics?
543
00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:55,068
No, they were not.
So I stopped doing it.
544
00:19:55,069 --> 00:19:56,569
I stopped doing lots of stuff.
545
00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:59,823
And now I fit in,
and I'm really, really happy.
546
00:19:59,824 --> 00:20:02,826
Trust me, Tina,
this will make your life so much easier.
547
00:20:02,827 --> 00:20:03,911
You're welcome.
548
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,830
- [all gasp]
- [yelling]
549
00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:09,165
[grunting]
550
00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:12,169
Aah! [blowing]
551
00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:14,963
- Here, T.
- Damn it.
552
00:20:14,964 --> 00:20:16,423
Johann Sebastian Bare-Bach
553
00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:18,049
and Neigh-braham Lincoln.
You're okay.
554
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:19,634
- You're okay.
- Fine.
555
00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:20,885
Enjoy your story time.
556
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:23,012
But, hey, Tina,
come high school,
557
00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:25,682
- they're gonna eat you alive.
- Hay is for horses, Regan.
558
00:20:25,683 --> 00:20:28,978
And that's just fine with me
because I'm a horse to be reckoned with.
559
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:30,813
Yeah, she is.
560
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:34,691
We definitely shouldn't
stay for pizza, right?
561
00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:36,402
Should we stay?
We shouldn't stay.
562
00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:40,321
[Tina]
"The revolution was hard.
563
00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:42,574
A lot of heads ripped off
and shoved under bricks.
564
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:45,535
But the thing about heads
is they go right back on.
565
00:20:45,536 --> 00:20:48,037
{\an8}Francois was able to return
to his blacksmithery
566
00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:50,206
stronger and more toned than ever.
567
00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:52,876
He was ready to make horseshoes
for his brave new country.
568
00:20:52,877 --> 00:20:54,252
He was gonna be a busy boy.
569
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:56,129
And busy boys
deserve a good dinner.
570
00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:58,214
Tonight was his favorite,
frog's legs.
571
00:20:58,215 --> 00:21:00,800
Specifically a frog named Rosie the Ribbiter. The end."
572
00:21:00,801 --> 00:21:04,095
♪ Francois! Francois! ♪
573
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,805
♪ Everyone get
on their saddle ♪
574
00:21:05,806 --> 00:21:07,432
♪ He will lead us
into battle ♪
575
00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:09,058
♪ Francois, Francois! ♪
576
00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:10,727
♪ Francois! Francois! ♪
577
00:21:10,728 --> 00:21:12,270
♪ Every stallion
Every gelding ♪
578
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,022
♪ He'll protect us
with his welding ♪
579
00:21:14,023 --> 00:21:17,609
♪ Just check out
his horsey muscles ♪
580
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:21,029
♪ No doubt victory
He will claim ♪
581
00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:25,116
♪ He's so French that
France is right there in ♪
582
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:27,660
♪ His name ♪
583
00:21:27,661 --> 00:21:30,872
♪ Viva la Francois ♪
584
00:21:30,873 --> 00:21:33,793
{\an8}[Tina] Well, yeah, he's a blacksmith.
He's pounding all day.
584
00:21:34,305 --> 00:22:34,802
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