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Previously on
The Big Bang Theory:
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00:00:02,100 --> 00:00:04,551
Guess who I found at LAX.
My baby sister Priya.
3
00:00:04,552 --> 00:00:06,703
It's really nice
to see you again, Leonard.
4
00:00:06,704 --> 00:00:08,572
Yeah, it's good
to see you, too.
5
00:00:08,573 --> 00:00:09,640
Here you go.
6
00:00:09,641 --> 00:00:10,808
Thanks.
7
00:00:14,442 --> 00:00:15,859
You slept with
my sister?!
8
00:00:15,860 --> 00:00:17,110
Yeah.
9
00:00:17,111 --> 00:00:19,246
This is a terrible
betrayal of my trust!
10
00:00:19,247 --> 00:00:21,114
Would it help
if I told you
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00:00:21,115 --> 00:00:22,783
that I offered
her my heart,
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and she kinda
stomped on it?!
13
00:00:24,619 --> 00:00:25,902
How hard did she stomp?
14
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Very hard.
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00:00:27,121 --> 00:00:29,489
Okay, I'm good.
16
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What's so funny?
17
00:00:36,698 --> 00:00:38,932
Nothing. Just thinking
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about the noises people
make during sex.
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I do sometimes get a bit
carried away, don't I?
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00:00:46,941 --> 00:00:48,392
It's cute.
21
00:00:48,393 --> 00:00:52,145
You sound a little
like a drunken monkey.
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Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!
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You know it's meant
as a compliment.
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00:00:59,921 --> 00:01:01,521
That's how I take it.
25
00:01:01,522 --> 00:01:04,024
This is perfect.
26
00:01:04,025 --> 00:01:06,960
I hope this moment
never ends.
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00:01:06,961 --> 00:01:08,528
Me, too.
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00:01:11,032 --> 00:01:13,100
Well, gotta go.
Oh!
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00:01:16,070 --> 00:01:18,121
Already?
Why don't you stay over?
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I'd love to, but you know
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my mother needs me in
the morning.
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00:01:25,913 --> 00:01:29,683
I think the woman can manage
to put a wig on by herself.
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It's not just the wig.
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It's pinning her hair up,
drawing on her eyebrows.
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00:01:34,622 --> 00:01:36,189
It's a two-person job.
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00:01:38,092 --> 00:01:41,028
It's just, when you leave right
after we make love,
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it makes me feel...
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cheap.
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Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
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What can I do?
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Stay.
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Okay.
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Like, what, another five,
ten minutes?
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Go home.
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00:02:02,416 --> 00:02:03,666
Your call.
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00:02:06,087 --> 00:02:07,387
Howard...
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have you ever considered us
living together?
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Boy, I don't know.
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00:02:13,394 --> 00:02:16,863
You, me, Ma living
under the same roof?
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No, I mean just you and me.
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You can move in here,
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or we can find a place.
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00:02:23,838 --> 00:02:25,639
I've got a better solution.
What?
54
00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:27,707
We wait for my mom's heart
to explode
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from all the salt she eats.
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Then we just stick her in
the ground, flip her mattress
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and move into the big bedroom.
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Great.
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Look at us planning
a future together!
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Who's there?!
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00:02:46,661 --> 00:02:48,495
Are you a
sex criminal?!
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00:02:50,465 --> 00:02:54,000
Sex criminals
don't have keys, Ma!
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Where were you
so late?!
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I was out with Bernadette!
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I know what
that means!
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I watch Dr. Phil!
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00:03:03,277 --> 00:03:06,847
I hope to God
you used a condom!
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00:03:06,848 --> 00:03:09,616
I'm not having this conversation
with you, Ma!
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God forbid you get one of
those new fancy sex diseases!
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00:03:14,655 --> 00:03:17,124
Nobody has a disease!
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I hope not!
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I share a toilet
with you!
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Is that what
you want?!
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00:03:25,333 --> 00:03:27,801
To give your
mother herbies?!
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That's it!
I don't have to take this!
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00:03:30,304 --> 00:03:34,874
Good luck with your eyebrows in
the morning!
77
00:03:40,481 --> 00:03:41,748
Who's there?!
78
00:03:41,749 --> 00:03:43,884
Are you a
sex criminal?!
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00:03:43,885 --> 00:03:46,720
I'm still leaving!
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00:03:46,721 --> 00:03:48,605
I just forgot my Claritin!
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♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
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00:03:53,244 --> 00:03:56,863
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
83
00:03:56,864 --> 00:03:58,731
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
84
00:03:58,732 --> 00:04:01,434
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
85
00:04:01,435 --> 00:04:03,637
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
86
00:04:03,638 --> 00:04:06,439
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
87
00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:08,441
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
88
00:04:08,442 --> 00:04:09,506
♪ Bang! ♪
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00:04:14,854 --> 00:04:16,505
Hey, what's up?
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I need a place to crash.
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00:04:18,208 --> 00:04:18,974
Uh, sure.
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Why?
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00:04:21,044 --> 00:04:22,911
Big fight with my mother.
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00:04:22,912 --> 00:04:27,149
Still arguing over
which CSI is the best?
95
00:04:27,150 --> 00:04:31,186
No, we agreed they all have
their merits.
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00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:33,255
This was about Bernadette.
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00:04:33,256 --> 00:04:35,357
What's going on?
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00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:36,458
Howard's gonna sleep here
tonight.
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He had a fight with his mother.
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00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:41,063
Did you offer him
a hot beverage?
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No.
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Leonard, social protocol states
when a friend is upset,
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00:04:54,510 --> 00:04:56,745
you offer them a hot beverage,
such as tea.
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Tea does sound nice.
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00:04:59,449 --> 00:05:01,700
You heard the man, Leonard.
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00:05:04,287 --> 00:05:06,722
And while you're at it,
I'm upset
107
00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:10,125
that we have an unannounced
houseguest, so make me cocoa.
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Point of inquiry,
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00:05:14,831 --> 00:05:17,466
given that Leonard is
your secondary friend
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00:05:17,467 --> 00:05:19,868
and Koothrappali is
your primary friend,
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00:05:19,869 --> 00:05:22,137
why didn't you seek refuge
under his roof?
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00:05:22,138 --> 00:05:23,372
There's no room.
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00:05:23,373 --> 00:05:24,773
His sister is staying with him.
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00:05:24,774 --> 00:05:26,942
Wait, wait. What?
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Cocoa, Leonard.
Focus.
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I'm down in
the dumps here.
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Priya's in town?
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Yeah, some work thing.
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00:05:35,435 --> 00:05:38,520
Anyway, my mother seems
to think that Bernadette...
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Hold on.
When did Priya get here?
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00:05:40,623 --> 00:05:42,658
I don't know.
A couple of days ago.
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The thing is, Bernadette doesn't
like that I have to take care
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of my mother, and my mother
doesn't trust Bernadette...
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Yeah, that's a real pickle.
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Bye.
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Don't worry.
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As your tertiary friend,
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I am prepared to step in
and comfort you.
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00:06:00,643 --> 00:06:02,895
That's not really necessary.
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No, no. I'll finish
making the tea,
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00:06:04,464 --> 00:06:06,465
while you narcissistically
ramble on
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about whatever's troubling you.
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Thanks.
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That's what
tertiary friends are for.
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Who is it?
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It's Leonard.
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You can't come in.
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I just want to talk to her.
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I forbid it.
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Open the door,
Rajesh.
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You heard me.
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I forbidded it.
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"Forbidded" it?
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"Forbaded" it?
145
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Get out of the way.
146
00:06:36,713 --> 00:06:38,714
What are you doing here?
147
00:06:38,715 --> 00:06:40,148
What are you doing here?
148
00:06:40,149 --> 00:06:41,517
I have business in Los Angeles.
149
00:06:41,518 --> 00:06:43,018
Why didn't you call?
150
00:06:43,019 --> 00:06:44,586
Clearly, she was
sending you a message
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to take a hike, Mike.
152
00:06:48,091 --> 00:06:49,658
I'm sorry.
I thought about calling,
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♪but I just wasn't sure if
seeing you was such a good idea.
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I know. Last time
I came on too strong.
155
00:06:55,098 --> 00:06:56,398
Can we talk in private?
156
00:06:56,399 --> 00:06:58,467
No!
Sure.
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00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:01,436
It's completely inappropriate
for a single woman
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00:07:01,437 --> 00:07:02,738
to entertain a man in private.
159
00:07:02,739 --> 00:07:05,640
If you insist on talking,
you must do it on the couch!
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00:07:06,709 --> 00:07:09,011
All right, you may talk in
the bedroom,
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00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:11,380
but I want this door
to remain open!
162
00:07:11,381 --> 00:07:14,366
All right, just this once
you may close the door.
163
00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:16,818
But keep in mind
I'll be right out here
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00:07:16,819 --> 00:07:18,420
monitoring the situation!
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00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:26,074
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Oh, damn it.
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00:07:33,636 --> 00:07:36,905
Leonard, when you get this
message, call me.
168
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Priya, this is your brother.
169
00:07:46,149 --> 00:07:49,084
When you get this, tell Leonard
to check his voicemail.
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00:07:52,188 --> 00:07:54,656
Would you be sleeping over
again this evening?
171
00:07:54,657 --> 00:07:56,124
Because you're welcome to.
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00:07:56,125 --> 00:07:58,293
That's very nice of you,
but I made other plans.
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Well, just keep in mind that
should you ever need
174
00:08:01,431 --> 00:08:06,635
a slightly apathetic tertiary
friend, I stand at the ready.
175
00:08:06,636 --> 00:08:08,536
Hi, Howard.
Hi, Sheldon.
176
00:08:08,537 --> 00:08:09,537
Hello.
Hey.
177
00:08:09,538 --> 00:08:11,256
Why are you
holding hands?
178
00:08:11,257 --> 00:08:13,241
I forbid you to hold hands.
179
00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:16,728
Rajesh, you know Leonard and I
spent the night together.
180
00:08:16,729 --> 00:08:18,413
Yeah, but you were just
sleeping,
181
00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:20,949
because I forboded you
to have sex.
182
00:08:21,985 --> 00:08:23,652
The word is "forbade""
183
00:08:23,653 --> 00:08:26,922
You sure?
That doesn't sound right.
184
00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:29,124
Listen, Rajesh, Leonard and I
have decided
185
00:08:29,125 --> 00:08:30,559
to see each other again,
186
00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:32,327
and you don't get
to tell me
187
00:08:32,328 --> 00:08:35,163
who I can and can't have
a relationship with.
188
00:08:35,164 --> 00:08:36,598
Actually, he can.
189
00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:41,069
The Hindu Code of Manu is
very clear in these matters.
190
00:08:41,070 --> 00:08:42,704
If a woman's father is
not around,
191
00:08:42,705 --> 00:08:46,174
the duty of controlling her base
desires falls
192
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to the closest male member of
her family, in this case, Raj.
193
00:08:51,014 --> 00:08:52,247
The code also states
194
00:08:52,248 --> 00:08:54,616
that if she disobeys,
she will be reborn
195
00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:59,421
"in the womb of a jackal
and tormented by diseases."
196
00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:01,857
If true,
197
00:09:01,858 --> 00:09:04,292
that seems
like an awfully large gamble
198
00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:06,495
given that the prize is Leonard.
199
00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:12,434
There it is, Priya.
We're Indian.
200
00:09:12,435 --> 00:09:14,469
We believe this stuff.
201
00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:17,706
I think it also says that
if you eat beef,
202
00:09:17,707 --> 00:09:19,875
you need to live with cows
for three months
203
00:09:19,876 --> 00:09:21,043
and drink their urine.
204
00:09:21,044 --> 00:09:24,413
Some of it makes sense,
some of it's crazy.
205
00:09:24,414 --> 00:09:27,349
My point is, you can't go out
with Leonard.
206
00:09:27,350 --> 00:09:28,784
Who can't go out with Leonard?
207
00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:30,018
My sister.
208
00:09:30,019 --> 00:09:32,587
Penny, this is
Raj's sister, Priya.
209
00:09:32,588 --> 00:09:33,955
It's very nice to meet you.
210
00:09:33,956 --> 00:09:36,291
Oh, yeah, you, too.
211
00:09:36,292 --> 00:09:39,561
Priya, if you're experiencing
any tension or awkwardness,
212
00:09:39,562 --> 00:09:42,647
it may stem from the fact that
Leonard and Penny used to--
213
00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:46,301
if I may quote Howard--
"do the dance with no pants."
214
00:09:51,074 --> 00:09:52,407
Sheldon!
215
00:09:52,408 --> 00:09:53,642
Really?
216
00:09:53,643 --> 00:09:56,361
Hey, Bernadette, can I
talk to you for a second?
217
00:09:56,362 --> 00:09:58,480
Sure.
218
00:09:58,481 --> 00:10:00,749
Penny, you became disenchanted
with Leonard
219
00:10:00,750 --> 00:10:01,817
as a lover.
220
00:10:01,818 --> 00:10:04,119
Would you please tell
my sister why?
221
00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:07,172
Listen, my mom's
going to Palm Springs
222
00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:08,490
to visit her sister.
223
00:10:08,491 --> 00:10:09,925
That's two whole nights
in a row I can sleep over
224
00:10:09,926 --> 00:10:11,893
with you
all the way to morning.
225
00:10:11,894 --> 00:10:13,261
Unless the desert air
dries out her sinuses,
226
00:10:13,262 --> 00:10:14,546
in which case I'll have
to schlep out there
227
00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:16,465
with the big humidifier.
228
00:10:16,466 --> 00:10:18,667
That's it?
229
00:10:18,668 --> 00:10:20,502
That's your big solution
to all of our problems?
230
00:10:20,503 --> 00:10:23,872
If your mom's nose holds up,
we get two nights together?
231
00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:26,108
Isn't that great?
232
00:10:26,109 --> 00:10:28,360
No, it's not great.
233
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:29,611
You need to make a choice.
234
00:10:29,612 --> 00:10:30,846
Me or your mother.
235
00:10:30,847 --> 00:10:32,714
Uh...
236
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:33,848
Wrong answer.
237
00:10:33,849 --> 00:10:35,200
No, wait.
238
00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:36,568
You didn't let me finish.
239
00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:38,153
I'm listening.
240
00:10:38,154 --> 00:10:39,821
Uh...
241
00:10:46,417 --> 00:10:50,486
I came as quickly as I could.
242
00:10:50,731 --> 00:10:52,400
Okay.
243
00:10:52,424 --> 00:10:54,425
Why?
244
00:10:54,809 --> 00:10:56,115
To comfort you, of course.
245
00:10:56,547 --> 00:10:58,949
Sheldon told me about Leonard
dating Rajesh's sister.
246
00:10:58,972 --> 00:11:00,439
So I high-tailed it over here
247
00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:02,942
to pick up the pieces
of your broken heart.
248
00:11:02,943 --> 00:11:05,044
Amy, I'm fine.
249
00:11:05,045 --> 00:11:08,180
You don't have to
be strong for me.
250
00:11:08,181 --> 00:11:10,700
Now let's talk about Priya,
that man-stealing bitch.
251
00:11:12,519 --> 00:11:14,286
What?
252
00:11:14,287 --> 00:11:15,955
In situations like this,
253
00:11:15,956 --> 00:11:18,491
best girlfriends are often
catty about the other woman.
254
00:11:21,962 --> 00:11:24,914
Really, I am not upset
about Leonard and Priya.
255
00:11:24,915 --> 00:11:29,502
Oh. Then perhaps you don't
understand what's going on.
256
00:11:29,503 --> 00:11:31,370
Your former boyfriend
has replaced you
257
00:11:31,371 --> 00:11:33,239
with what appears to be
a very suitable mate.
258
00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:35,741
Arguably much
more suitable than you.
259
00:11:37,677 --> 00:11:40,112
Oh. Well, good for him.
260
00:11:40,113 --> 00:11:41,947
Hey, what do you mean,
"more suitable"?
261
00:11:41,948 --> 00:11:45,384
Well, granted, Penny, your
secondary sexual characteristics
262
00:11:45,385 --> 00:11:48,087
are reasonably bodacious.
263
00:11:48,088 --> 00:11:49,622
But Priya is highly educated,
264
00:11:49,623 --> 00:11:51,157
she's an accomplished
professional,
265
00:11:51,158 --> 00:11:53,492
and she comes from the culture
that literally wrote the book
266
00:11:53,493 --> 00:11:55,594
on neat ways to have sex.
267
00:11:57,130 --> 00:11:59,965
Whereas you, on the other hand,
are a community college dropout
268
00:11:59,966 --> 00:12:02,768
who comes from the culture that
wrote the book on tipping cows.
269
00:12:02,769 --> 00:12:05,104
Yeah. Okay, I got it.
270
00:12:05,105 --> 00:12:06,405
I got it.
271
00:12:06,406 --> 00:12:09,208
So... what is
all that stuff?
272
00:12:09,209 --> 00:12:11,410
This is a portable
electroencephalogram.
273
00:12:11,411 --> 00:12:13,963
I'm doing research
on emotions and brain activity.
274
00:12:13,964 --> 00:12:15,314
So when you start crying,
275
00:12:15,315 --> 00:12:17,650
I can see which region
of the brain is activated.
276
00:12:18,618 --> 00:12:20,753
Then I'm going to stimulate
the analogous area
277
00:12:20,754 --> 00:12:23,589
in the brain of a rhesus monkey
and see if he cries.
278
00:12:24,691 --> 00:12:26,826
Cool, huh?
279
00:12:41,508 --> 00:12:43,642
I choose you.
280
00:12:43,643 --> 00:12:45,311
Really?
281
00:12:45,312 --> 00:12:47,179
Yep. I moved out
of my mother's house.
282
00:12:47,180 --> 00:12:48,247
Cord is cut.
283
00:12:48,248 --> 00:12:50,449
I'm all yours.
284
00:12:51,251 --> 00:12:52,802
What did she say
when you told her?
285
00:12:52,803 --> 00:12:55,754
I don't know. She hasn't
responded to my email yet.
286
00:12:55,755 --> 00:12:58,491
This is so great.
287
00:12:58,492 --> 00:13:00,559
I love you, Howard.
288
00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:01,844
I love you, too.
289
00:13:01,845 --> 00:13:03,262
So what's for dinner?
290
00:13:04,964 --> 00:13:07,099
Well, I don't really have much
of anything in the house.
291
00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:09,001
That's fine.
292
00:13:09,002 --> 00:13:11,237
Why don't we go fool
around in our bedroom?
293
00:13:12,906 --> 00:13:14,406
And then you
can go shopping.
294
00:13:17,210 --> 00:13:20,196
I thought maybe after we eat,
we could see an early movie.
295
00:13:20,197 --> 00:13:21,480
I'd love that.
296
00:13:21,481 --> 00:13:23,115
I love the way you say,
297
00:13:23,116 --> 00:13:25,718
"I'd love that."
298
00:13:25,719 --> 00:13:27,887
She says it the same way I do.
299
00:13:29,456 --> 00:13:31,390
"I'd love that."
300
00:13:31,391 --> 00:13:33,392
Everybody in India
says it that way.
301
00:13:33,393 --> 00:13:34,894
It's not a big deal.
302
00:13:35,679 --> 00:13:38,013
Rajesh, don't be a child.
303
00:13:38,014 --> 00:13:39,098
I'm not being a child.
304
00:13:39,099 --> 00:13:40,466
Leonard, I swear to God,
305
00:13:40,467 --> 00:13:41,684
if your sister
ever comes to town,
306
00:13:41,685 --> 00:13:43,402
I shall have my way with her.
307
00:13:44,471 --> 00:13:47,573
My sister's 38 and married.
308
00:13:47,574 --> 00:13:49,225
All the more shame
that will fall
309
00:13:49,226 --> 00:13:51,243
upon the house of Hofstadter.
310
00:13:53,547 --> 00:13:56,398
Ooh, I thought I smelled pizza.
311
00:13:56,399 --> 00:13:57,550
That's remarkable.
312
00:13:57,551 --> 00:13:59,818
If pepperoni
were an explosive substance,
313
00:13:59,819 --> 00:14:01,453
you could replace
German shepherds
314
00:14:01,454 --> 00:14:03,355
at our nation's airports.
315
00:14:04,241 --> 00:14:05,758
Hi. Penny, right?
316
00:14:05,759 --> 00:14:07,660
Oh, yes. H-Hi. I'm sorry.
317
00:14:07,661 --> 00:14:09,795
I didn't know you had company.
I don't want to impose.
318
00:14:09,796 --> 00:14:11,714
No, no. It's not
an imposition.
319
00:14:11,715 --> 00:14:15,067
At this point, in our ecosystem,
you are akin to the plover,
320
00:14:15,068 --> 00:14:18,070
a small scavenging bird
that eats extra food
321
00:14:18,071 --> 00:14:20,039
from between
the teeth of crocodiles.
322
00:14:21,808 --> 00:14:25,044
Please, fly into our open maw,
and have at it.
323
00:14:27,247 --> 00:14:29,748
If I had more than a box of
baking soda in my refrigerator,
324
00:14:29,749 --> 00:14:31,116
I wouldn't have to take that.
325
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:36,722
Hi, bestie.
326
00:14:36,723 --> 00:14:38,123
Hi.
327
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,394
So, um, Priya,
328
00:14:42,395 --> 00:14:43,696
you're a lawyer, right?
329
00:14:43,697 --> 00:14:45,397
I know. Pretty boring, huh?
330
00:14:45,398 --> 00:14:48,634
Oh, come on.
It's not boring at all.
331
00:14:48,635 --> 00:14:52,037
She's currently helping set up
a secondary derivative market
332
00:14:52,038 --> 00:14:54,540
which would allow
overseas car firms
333
00:14:54,541 --> 00:14:56,008
to hedge their investments
334
00:14:56,009 --> 00:14:58,677
against potential advancements
in battery technology.
335
00:14:58,678 --> 00:14:59,962
Hmm?
336
00:14:59,963 --> 00:15:01,513
Thank you, Leonard.
337
00:15:01,514 --> 00:15:03,882
That doesn't make it
sound boring at all.
338
00:15:05,452 --> 00:15:07,987
So, how you holding up?
339
00:15:07,988 --> 00:15:11,323
I'm fine.
340
00:15:11,324 --> 00:15:13,091
Oh, who are you kidding?
She's breathtaking.
341
00:15:15,362 --> 00:15:17,262
So, Penny,
342
00:15:17,263 --> 00:15:19,098
Leonard tells me
you're an actress.
343
00:15:19,099 --> 00:15:21,200
That must be
pretty exciting.
344
00:15:21,201 --> 00:15:22,568
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's real great.
345
00:15:22,569 --> 00:15:24,203
Today I drove to Van Nuys
for an audition
346
00:15:24,204 --> 00:15:26,071
I thought was going to be
for a cat food commercial.
347
00:15:26,072 --> 00:15:28,040
Turned out to be porn.
348
00:15:29,843 --> 00:15:31,910
Did you get the part?
349
00:15:34,247 --> 00:15:35,648
I didn't do the audition.
350
00:15:35,649 --> 00:15:37,216
Given the state of your career,
351
00:15:37,217 --> 00:15:39,385
can you really afford
to be picky?
352
00:15:41,821 --> 00:15:44,223
I took acting classes
when I was at Cambridge.
353
00:15:44,224 --> 00:15:45,391
I loved it.
354
00:15:45,392 --> 00:15:46,959
We did Taming
of the Shrew.
355
00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:49,261
Oh, wow. I love
Taming of the Shrew.
356
00:15:49,262 --> 00:15:50,996
I did a paper
on it in high school.
357
00:15:50,997 --> 00:15:54,466
"Who knows not where
a wasp does wear his sting?
358
00:15:54,467 --> 00:15:55,501
In his tail."
359
00:15:55,502 --> 00:15:57,536
"In his tongue""
"Whose tongue?"
360
00:15:57,537 --> 00:15:59,405
"Yours, if you
talk of tails,
361
00:15:59,406 --> 00:16:00,689
and so farewell."
362
00:16:00,690 --> 00:16:02,691
"What, with my tongue
in your tail?"
363
00:16:10,083 --> 00:16:11,784
I'm regretting
my earlier cattiness.
364
00:16:11,785 --> 00:16:14,553
She is an
absolute delight.
365
00:16:18,658 --> 00:16:20,843
Wow.
366
00:16:26,066 --> 00:16:28,267
Wow, indeed.
367
00:16:29,402 --> 00:16:31,603
I can't believe we're
finally living together.
368
00:16:31,604 --> 00:16:33,205
Yeah.
369
00:16:33,206 --> 00:16:35,040
You know what would make
this moment perfect?
370
00:16:35,041 --> 00:16:36,208
What?
371
00:16:36,209 --> 00:16:39,411
A little snack.
You got any string cheese?
372
00:16:39,412 --> 00:16:41,146
No.
373
00:16:41,147 --> 00:16:42,848
I-I might have some cheddar.
374
00:16:42,849 --> 00:16:44,717
Not as good.
375
00:16:44,718 --> 00:16:47,453
You can't make strings with it.
376
00:16:47,454 --> 00:16:49,588
Remind me to put it
on your shopping list.
377
00:16:49,589 --> 00:16:51,890
Okay.
378
00:16:51,891 --> 00:16:53,625
You have
hypo-allergenic detergent?
379
00:16:53,626 --> 00:16:54,793
No.
380
00:16:54,794 --> 00:16:56,211
Better put it on the list.
381
00:16:56,212 --> 00:16:58,163
If you wash my underwear
with regular soap,
382
00:16:58,164 --> 00:17:00,699
I get little red bumps
on my tuchus.
383
00:17:03,887 --> 00:17:05,637
Wait a second.
384
00:17:05,638 --> 00:17:07,072
I'm doing your laundry?
385
00:17:07,073 --> 00:17:10,743
Well, honey,
it's not gonna do itself.
386
00:17:10,744 --> 00:17:12,377
Oh, before I forget,
387
00:17:12,378 --> 00:17:14,263
tomorrow morning, you're
driving me to the dentist.
388
00:17:14,264 --> 00:17:16,214
I have to take you?
389
00:17:16,215 --> 00:17:19,518
You don't have to take me.
You get to take me.
390
00:17:20,854 --> 00:17:22,571
Wait a minute.
Are you telling me
391
00:17:22,572 --> 00:17:24,990
your mother usually takes you
to the dentist?
392
00:17:24,991 --> 00:17:26,558
It's not weird.
393
00:17:26,559 --> 00:17:29,294
There's lots of kids there
with their moms.
394
00:17:29,295 --> 00:17:32,498
I can't believe this.
395
00:17:32,499 --> 00:17:34,166
What? It's fun.
396
00:17:34,167 --> 00:17:35,434
If I have no cavities,
397
00:17:35,435 --> 00:17:37,703
afterwards,
we go out for a treat.
398
00:17:39,105 --> 00:17:41,907
All right, Howard, let's get
something straight right now.
399
00:17:41,908 --> 00:17:43,842
I'm not going
to be your mother.
400
00:17:43,843 --> 00:17:45,177
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
401
00:17:45,178 --> 00:17:47,246
Where did that come from?
402
00:17:55,488 --> 00:17:56,588
Who's that?!
403
00:17:56,589 --> 00:18:00,058
Is it a
sex criminal?!
404
00:18:00,059 --> 00:18:03,729
Nobody wants to do
that to you, Ma!
405
00:18:03,730 --> 00:18:05,964
Where were you?!
406
00:18:05,965 --> 00:18:07,399
Didn't you read my email?!
407
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,669
You know I can't turn on
that ferkakta computer!
408
00:18:12,038 --> 00:18:14,907
I left you some brisket
on the kitchen counter!
409
00:18:14,908 --> 00:18:16,575
Thank you!
410
00:18:16,576 --> 00:18:17,943
Remember
to floss after.
411
00:18:17,944 --> 00:18:21,497
We have the dentist
in the morning!
412
00:18:25,018 --> 00:18:26,385
Oh, hey.
What's up?
413
00:18:26,386 --> 00:18:27,753
I just wanted to
check in on you.
414
00:18:27,754 --> 00:18:28,821
Why?
415
00:18:28,822 --> 00:18:30,522
It seems like the
appropriate thing to do
416
00:18:30,523 --> 00:18:32,458
when one's best friend
finds herself replaced
417
00:18:32,459 --> 00:18:34,059
by a smart, beautiful woman
418
00:18:34,060 --> 00:18:37,796
with the smoldering sexuality
of a crouched Bengal tiger.
419
00:18:37,797 --> 00:18:41,433
I already told you,
I'm okay with it.
420
00:18:41,434 --> 00:18:44,603
I mean, if anything,
I'm quite pleased
421
00:18:44,604 --> 00:18:45,988
that Leonard
has found someone
422
00:18:45,989 --> 00:18:48,991
that makes him so happy.
423
00:18:48,992 --> 00:18:51,577
It's okay, it's okay.
424
00:18:51,578 --> 00:18:52,711
Thank you.
425
00:18:52,712 --> 00:18:54,346
Now, let's get these
electrodes attached
426
00:18:54,347 --> 00:18:57,032
and see what's going on in that
pretty little noggin of yours.
427
00:18:57,033 --> 00:18:59,251
Okay.
428
00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:08,178
I smell Chinese food.
429
00:19:08,179 --> 00:19:10,647
It's actually Thai.
430
00:19:10,648 --> 00:19:12,749
You're slipping.
431
00:19:12,750 --> 00:19:14,885
Are Leonard and Priya here?
432
00:19:14,886 --> 00:19:17,054
They went to Catalina
for the weekend.
433
00:19:17,055 --> 00:19:18,388
Oh. Where's Raj?
434
00:19:18,389 --> 00:19:21,291
At home, forbidding it.
435
00:19:21,292 --> 00:19:22,693
How about Howard?
436
00:19:22,694 --> 00:19:23,894
I'm given to understand
437
00:19:23,895 --> 00:19:27,097
his mother grounded him
for running away.
438
00:19:27,098 --> 00:19:30,234
Oh, okay.
439
00:19:30,235 --> 00:19:34,071
Well, I guess it's just
the two of us, huh?
440
00:19:34,072 --> 00:19:36,340
Actually, it's
the three of us.
441
00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:38,642
AMY
What up, bestie?
442
00:19:40,545 --> 00:19:41,879
Good news.
443
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:44,348
Thanks to you, I was able
to make a rhesus monkey cry
444
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:46,517
like a disgraced televangelist.
445
00:19:47,619 --> 00:19:49,353
Great.
446
00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:50,621
So, you feeling better?
447
00:19:50,622 --> 00:19:51,722
Not really.
448
00:19:51,723 --> 00:19:54,358
Sheldon, you have
a guest who's upset.
449
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:56,360
Right. I'll make tea.
450
00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:58,912
- Sweetie, it's okay. I don't want tea.
- I'm sorry. It's not optional.
450
00:19:59,305 --> 00:20:59,922
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