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Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...
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Can you believe our little lamb
is finally getting married?
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He can't believe it.
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And neither can I.
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Hi, Dad. How you doing?
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By the power vested in me
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by even-you-can-perform-weddings-dot-com
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I now pronounce you husband and wife.
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You may kiss the bride.
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Good morning, wife.
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Good morning, husband.
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- I can't believe we're actually married.
- It's official.
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According to tradition,
we should hang the bed sheets outside
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so the villagers can see
that we consummated.
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I don't think that that's appropriate,
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considering where we're
starting our honeymoon.
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Oh, I suppose you're right.
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Although when you think about it,
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Lego is the perfect metaphor
for marital congress.
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Two pieces that interlock
with a satisfying snap.
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Oh, that's the sound you were making.
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Oh! I almost forgot,
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while you were sleeping,
I ordered room service.
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Really?
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Voila!
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You thought it was going
to be food, didn't you?
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Our whole universe
was in a hot dense state
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Then nearly fourteen billion years ago
expansion started...
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Wait!
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The earth began to cool
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The autotrophs began to drool
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Neanderthals developed tools
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We built a wall
We built the pyramids
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Math, science, history
Unraveling the mystery
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It all started with the Big Bang!
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Bang!
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Is it nice having Sheldon and Amy
away on their honeymoon?
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Yeah, because now
Leonard and I get all this alone time.
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But you're not alone, we're here.
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Yes. Yes, you are.
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Would you like us to leave
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so you and Leonard can talk about
all the things you have in common?
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Ha-ha! She called your bluff.
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So, something
pretty cool happened.
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Channel 3 asked me to be
on the news tomorrow night
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to talk about the meteor shower.
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- Oh, that's great.
- Hey.
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Congratulations.
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You know, that's how
Neil deGrasse Tyson got his start.
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He went from the Hayden Planetarium
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to guesting on the local news
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to ruining everyone's favorite movies
on the Internet.
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And now it's happening to me.
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Ooh! I should probably make a list
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of all the scientific inaccuracies
in Mamma Mia! 2.
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You're gonna go on live TV
and admit you've seen that movie?
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Hey, your husband's the one who took me.
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Meryl Streep and Cher? Yeah, I saw it.
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Sounds like someone's in there.
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God, what if
Sheldon and Amy are getting robbed?
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Or worse, what if they're back early?
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They're not, they just posted a picture
in front of the Statue of Liberty.
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- Real or Lego?
- Lego.
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So what should we do?
Should someone go check it out?
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I would, but I gotta be on TV tomorrow,
gotta protect the money.
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Oh, yeah. Someone's definitely in there.
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Okay, let's go into our apartment,
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we'll lock the door,
we'll call the police...
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Hello? Anyone in there?
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- Yes?
- Oh. Mr. Fowler,
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sorry, we didn't know you were here.
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We actually thought someone
was breaking in.
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And we were ready to take them down.
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- Amy asked me to water her plants.
- She doesn't have any plants.
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Oh.
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Well, you called me on a lie.
Have a good day.
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That was weird, right?
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Was it? I honestly can't tell anymore.
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Hey, did you even see Mamma Mia! 1?
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Didn't need to.
The sequel stands on its own.
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Do you want subtitles for any video?
-=[ ai.OpenSubtitles.com ]=-
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Here you go.
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If you need any recommendations
while visiting New York,
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please don't hesitate to contact me.
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Well, it is our honeymoon.
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So we are going to be quite busy.
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Got it.
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Harry Potter play, parts one and two.
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And tomorrow, a tour of the sights
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where Nikola Tesla lived, worked
and slowly went crazy.
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And of course, coitus.
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Ah.
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Enjoy New York. And I guess, coitus.
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Really, Sheldon, you wanna do it again?
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Don't act surprised,
it's clearly marked on the schedule.
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Now, shall we "steam the wrinkles
out of our wizard robes"
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or "make vigorous,
socially-sanctioned love"?
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Either way, I can check
something off my to-do list.
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"Socially-sanct..." Oh, wow.
Yeah, there it is, right there.
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Uh, hurry, Raj is on next.
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I can't believe they canceled
Vampire Diaries, but they'll show this.
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This is the news.
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And that was a woman torn between
two hunky vampires, what is your point?
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Larry!
I know you're in there!
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- Is that Amy's mom?
- Let me in.
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Let me in!
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Either that or the Big Bad Wolf.
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Larry!
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Mrs. Fowler, are you okay?
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Oh, I'm okay,
it's my husband you should worry about.
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Oh, we do.
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Larry, come on!
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I don't think he's in there.
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I mean, he came by to water
the imaginary plants, but then he left.
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You're so naive.
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Blondie here is gonna chew you up
and spit you out.
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Well, don't tell him.
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Come on.
You have an extra key, open it up.
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All right, but I'm telling you,
he's not in there.
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There. See?
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Oh, he's in here,
I can smell his Axe Body Spray.
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He wears Axe Body Spray?
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You happy? You smell like Amy's dad.
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Larry!
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- Come on.
- Uh-uh-uh...
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Shouldn't we mind our own business?
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Wow. Sometimes it's like
you don't know me at all.
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See, he's not here.
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You don't know him like I do.
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To be fair,
we don't know either of you.
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Satisfied?
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Oh, yeah, now I smell him.
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Man, that is one hot weather girl.
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How come if I say that,
I get in trouble?
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You wanna say it? You can say it.
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Nice try.
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You're gonna have to find some other way
to not have sex with me tonight.
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And it's not "weather girl,"
it's weather woman.
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And with us today to talk about
the upcoming meteor shower
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and the best places to view it,
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Caltech astrophysicist
Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali.
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Thank you for being here.
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Thank you for having me.
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I guess Neil deGrasse Tyson
was unavailable.
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Yeah.
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What do you mean, "Yeah"?
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Not important. So, what can we expect
to see from this meteor shower?
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Well, I think you can count on
a lot of flaming gas,
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which is what you would've gotten
from your first choice,
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Neil deGrasse Tyson.
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Pull up, Raj, pull up.
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Sounds like there's no love lost
between you and Dr. Tyson.
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Oh, no, I love Neil.
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I mean, not as much as Neil loves Neil,
but who does, right?
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I wanna look away, but I can't.
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Oh. I am told we are out of time...
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having learned nothing
about meteor showers
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and too much about Dr. Koothrappali.
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Thank you.
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You know what I love about
Broadway theater? It's so interactive.
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Uh-huh.
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You're so close to the actors,
it's like you're in the play.
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Uh-huh.
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When you yell, "Harry, watch out!"
he looks right at you.
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No, and not just Harry,
everyone on stage.
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At the risk of sounding redundant...
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Uh-huh.
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All right, well, it's a bit late,
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but I did block out the rest of
the evening for conjugal relations.
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Should we shower?
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I mean before, not during.
That's how you fall and break a hip.
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You know, I'm a little jet laggy,
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maybe we can revisit this
in the morning.
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Oh, no can do.
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If we miss tonight, it's not scheduled
until Thursday at 6:00.
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And that will have to be no frills
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'cause we've got a 6:30 reservation
at Benihana.
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Sheldon, do we really have to
do this on a schedule?
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Are you suggesting spontaneity?
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Uh... I guess, yeah.
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So now that we're married,
sex can occur at any time?
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Like, we could be brushing our teeth
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and suddenly your minty-fresh tongue
is in my mouth? No, thank you.
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Really? Would it be so bad
to mix it up a little?
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Mix it up? Who are you, Betty Crocker?
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- Where are you going?
- To take a shower.
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Now that sex can happen at any time,
I always have to be ready.
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I should probably live
under a waterfall.
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Well, you don't have to worry
about sex happening tonight.
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Oh...
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Well, thanks,
but I'm still gonna rinse off.
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I touched a lot of stuff
in the gift shop.
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No message, no note, who would do that?
What kind of husband...
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If you let him talk,
maybe you'll find out.
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Fine. Larry?
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Well, there you go,
what more can he say?
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Let's go home.
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I think I'll stay.
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Well, if you're going to stay,
then I'll stay.
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All right, well,
you know who doesn't need to stay?
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Us. Come on.
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Penny?
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I don't think
those two are gonna make it.
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Poor Mr. Fowler,
I really feel sorry for the little guy.
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00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,332
I know. After they had Amy,
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00:11:08,420 --> 00:11:10,537
she should've just eaten him
and been done with it.
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00:11:12,620 --> 00:11:15,180
Look at you retaining facts
from a nature show.
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00:11:16,700 --> 00:11:18,976
I know. Really.
What did he ever see in her?
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00:11:19,060 --> 00:11:21,814
He's so, so sweet,
and she's such a ballbuster.
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00:11:21,900 --> 00:11:23,937
Some guys think strong women are sexy.
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00:11:24,020 --> 00:11:25,820
Yeah, but they seem to have
nothing in common.
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00:11:26,140 --> 00:11:28,655
Yeah, but sometimes opposites attract.
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00:11:31,780 --> 00:11:34,011
Wait, wait,
are you saying we are like them?
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00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:36,460
I don't know, maybe a little.
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So you're the sweet, quiet one
and I'm Amy's mom?
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00:11:42,140 --> 00:11:43,540
Is that what you're saying?
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00:11:53,460 --> 00:11:55,975
Hey, check out what
Neil deGrasse Tyson just tweeted.
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00:11:56,060 --> 00:11:59,178
"I've been informed that some random,
attention-seeking nobody
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took a cheap shot at me
on the local news."
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00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:04,735
That's me. Guys, he's talking about me.
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00:12:06,220 --> 00:12:09,099
You know, I cut you a lot of slack
'cause you come from another country,
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00:12:09,180 --> 00:12:11,297
but you've been here a long time.
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00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:15,257
Raj, you need to apologize to Dr. Tyson.
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00:12:15,740 --> 00:12:17,618
Why? This could be good for me.
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00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:20,295
Everybody loves a good Twitter feud.
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00:12:20,380 --> 00:12:23,612
Neil and I could be the new
Katy Perry and Taylor Swift.
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00:12:24,580 --> 00:12:26,036
Come on, Raj, you're better than this.
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00:12:26,060 --> 00:12:29,178
Hmm. Leave room for dessert, 'cause
I'm gonna make you eat those words.
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"Dear Dr. Tyson,
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much like epithelial tissue,
it appears I've gotten under your skin."
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00:12:39,580 --> 00:12:42,300
iPhone drop, but I won't,
'cause I don't have AppleCare.
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00:12:45,900 --> 00:12:47,016
What'd he say?
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00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:50,810
"Nice try, genius.
The skin is epithelial tissue."
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00:12:52,540 --> 00:12:56,056
Oh, it's on. He's Katy, I'm T-Swift.
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00:13:01,820 --> 00:13:03,700
What're you gonna do,
he's from another country.
236
00:13:08,340 --> 00:13:10,218
And here we have the former hotel
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00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:13,850
where Tesla perfected the three-phase
alternating current motor.
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00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,611
- That's wrong. I'm gonna say something.
- Don't.
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00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:19,740
Well, then how will everyone know
I'm the smartest boy here?
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00:13:21,020 --> 00:13:22,136
Just let it go.
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00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:26,059
Is everything all right?
You seem testy this morning.
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00:13:26,140 --> 00:13:27,290
I'm not testy.
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00:13:27,380 --> 00:13:29,849
I'll have to take your word for it,
there's no test for testy.
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00:13:32,620 --> 00:13:34,691
Is it possible that
you're sexually frustrated?
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00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:36,294
Okay, now I'm testy.
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00:13:37,220 --> 00:13:39,212
If you had adhered
to my coital schedule,
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00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:41,815
your brain would be floating
on a sea of oxytocin right now.
248
00:13:42,260 --> 00:13:44,900
Don't talk to me about my brain.
I'm a neurobiologist.
249
00:13:45,340 --> 00:13:47,650
Then you should know the benefits
of the special hug
250
00:13:47,740 --> 00:13:48,969
that grownups give each other.
251
00:13:51,780 --> 00:13:53,180
Sheldon, everybody's listening.
252
00:13:53,260 --> 00:13:56,571
Well, of course they're listening,
we're interesting. Unlike that guy.
253
00:13:58,460 --> 00:13:59,940
I'm walking away from you.
254
00:14:06,380 --> 00:14:09,134
I'm only recently married.
Do I stay here? Do I follow?
255
00:14:09,220 --> 00:14:10,220
Say something useful.
256
00:14:18,780 --> 00:14:20,134
Morning, sunshine.
257
00:14:24,420 --> 00:14:26,218
So, I see you're making espresso.
258
00:14:26,340 --> 00:14:30,653
Yep, just need that extra jolt
for a successful day of ballbusting.
259
00:14:32,700 --> 00:14:34,578
Really? I don't think you do.
260
00:14:36,100 --> 00:14:38,740
You know, you compared us
to the strangest couple we know.
261
00:14:38,820 --> 00:14:41,051
And we know Amy and Sheldon,
Howard and Bernadette,
262
00:14:41,140 --> 00:14:42,893
Raj and his twitchy little dog.
263
00:14:44,580 --> 00:14:46,492
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.
264
00:14:46,580 --> 00:14:48,776
Because it wasn't nice
or because it wasn't true?
265
00:14:48,860 --> 00:14:50,089
It's not true.
266
00:14:50,500 --> 00:14:53,254
Mrs. Fowler is an
angry, vindictive woman.
267
00:14:53,340 --> 00:14:56,731
Whereas you are warm and loving,
268
00:14:57,540 --> 00:14:58,690
quick to forgive.
269
00:14:59,260 --> 00:15:01,172
- Oh, please.
- I'm serious.
270
00:15:01,260 --> 00:15:02,933
And I'm nothing like Amy's dad.
271
00:15:03,020 --> 00:15:05,694
He's a mousy little man
who can't stand up for himself.
272
00:15:09,380 --> 00:15:11,620
My point is, you're not like her,
so we're not like them.
273
00:15:13,020 --> 00:15:15,455
Thirty years from now,
are you gonna hide from me
274
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:16,735
because I'm so scary?
275
00:15:17,340 --> 00:15:19,696
Hey, I don't think you're scary.
276
00:15:20,260 --> 00:15:23,059
Yes, I flinch
when you make sudden moves,
277
00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:27,140
but that says more about
my childhood than you.
278
00:15:27,900 --> 00:15:28,900
Aw!
279
00:15:36,140 --> 00:15:37,620
- Your turn.
- Hang on,
280
00:15:37,700 --> 00:15:40,534
I'm checking to see if Neil replied
to my latest smackdown.
281
00:15:41,580 --> 00:15:44,175
Really, don't you think this
Twitter feud is a little silly?
282
00:15:44,660 --> 00:15:46,219
Absolutely not,
283
00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:49,737
it's two respected scientists debating
opposing views in a public forum.
284
00:15:50,180 --> 00:15:52,695
You called him
Mike Tyson's little sister.
285
00:15:54,420 --> 00:15:56,377
Yeah. And now
Mike Tyson's mad at me, too.
286
00:15:59,060 --> 00:16:01,780
Raj, you're not going to impress anyone
by attacking him.
287
00:16:02,380 --> 00:16:04,975
Oh, Bernadette,
you sound so old right now.
288
00:16:09,940 --> 00:16:13,570
He said he needs a break,
and I'm too much for him.
289
00:16:13,700 --> 00:16:15,373
Oh, I'm sure he didn't mean that.
290
00:16:15,940 --> 00:16:17,374
He said I'm overbearing.
291
00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:22,056
Oh, please, you're just the
right amount of bearing.
292
00:16:23,940 --> 00:16:25,579
Look, I know he loves you.
293
00:16:25,660 --> 00:16:27,970
If you just give him some space,
I'm sure he'll come back.
294
00:16:28,700 --> 00:16:31,135
- You really think so?
- Yeah, I do.
295
00:16:32,940 --> 00:16:34,860
- You're a good person, Penny.
- Oh...
296
00:16:35,540 --> 00:16:38,692
I hope we get to spend
lots of time together.
297
00:16:42,340 --> 00:16:43,376
Me, too.
298
00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:48,369
- Yes.
- Hit the road.
299
00:16:50,380 --> 00:16:51,416
- But...
- Now!
300
00:16:52,580 --> 00:16:54,412
- Can I get my stuff?
- Be quick about it.
301
00:17:02,540 --> 00:17:04,133
- Hello.
- Hello.
302
00:17:04,740 --> 00:17:06,015
I brought you two hot dogs.
303
00:17:07,180 --> 00:17:08,580
Aren't you gonna eat one?
304
00:17:09,060 --> 00:17:10,699
From a street cart? Are you crazy?
305
00:17:11,660 --> 00:17:13,094
I'm amazed that I'm holding them.
306
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:15,700
I'm not really hungry.
307
00:17:16,980 --> 00:17:20,735
You realize that
I'm not a particularly physical person?
308
00:17:22,180 --> 00:17:23,933
- I know.
- When I was little
309
00:17:24,060 --> 00:17:26,220
and people asked me
what I wanted to be when I grow up,
310
00:17:26,300 --> 00:17:29,099
I'd always say "A brain in a jar."
311
00:17:30,180 --> 00:17:31,409
Sure.
312
00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:33,696
Yeah, but I wanna be
a good husband to you,
313
00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:35,937
and intimacy is a part of that.
314
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:39,176
Please put those down.
315
00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:44,013
I'm just worried that if I don't
schedule our bedroom endeavors,
316
00:17:44,100 --> 00:17:45,500
then I may not think about them,
317
00:17:45,580 --> 00:17:47,970
and you'll grow cold and distant
318
00:17:48,620 --> 00:17:51,818
and seek solace in the arms of
a heavily-muscled longshoreman.
319
00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:54,933
Where would I find a longshoreman?
320
00:17:55,380 --> 00:17:56,894
Along the shore. It's in the name.
321
00:18:00,540 --> 00:18:03,851
Sheldon, I could never be
with anybody but you.
322
00:18:04,860 --> 00:18:06,135
That's good to know.
323
00:18:06,220 --> 00:18:09,133
I wouldn't want to fight a man
who's brave enough to touch a fish.
324
00:18:12,460 --> 00:18:14,179
How's this for a compromise,
325
00:18:15,020 --> 00:18:18,775
make all the schedules you want,
just don't tell me about them.
326
00:18:19,460 --> 00:18:20,576
Excellent.
327
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:24,137
I'll create an algorithm that'll
generate a pseudo-random schedule.
328
00:18:24,220 --> 00:18:27,179
And do you know why it won't be
a true random schedule?
329
00:18:28,220 --> 00:18:30,337
Because the generation
of true random numbers
330
00:18:30,460 --> 00:18:32,895
remains an unsolved problem
in computer science.
331
00:18:32,980 --> 00:18:34,096
Come with me.
332
00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:35,756
- Where are we going?
- To the hotel room.
333
00:18:35,780 --> 00:18:38,700
And when we get there, I'm gonna need
you to say that again, except naked.
334
00:18:58,240 --> 00:18:59,390
Go for Dr. K.
335
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,595
- Is this Rajesh Koothrappali?
- Yes. Who is this?
336
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:05,514
Neil deGrasse Tyson.
337
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,517
Uh, wow.
338
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:13,239
How fun is this Twitter thing, huh?
339
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:16,120
You think you're funny?
340
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:19,113
I'm not Seinfeld funny,
but I did an open mic night once...
341
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,350
You're not funny.
342
00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:23,320
Yeah, that's what they said
at the Chuckle Hut.
343
00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:25,476
How about this,
344
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,799
I've got a book signing at Vroman's
in Pasadena next week.
345
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:31,634
Why don't you come by
and say some of those things to my face?
346
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:33,196
Oh-ho-ho-ho...
347
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:34,873
No, but thanks for the invite.
348
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,560
Smart move. And the next time
you pick up your phone,
349
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:42,997
remember I'm the guy who kicked
Pluto out of the solar system.
350
00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:47,120
And it deserved it, sir.
Thank you, bye-bye.
351
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:50,639
Well, that was fun.
352
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:55,230
Let's see who else needs
a deGrasse-kickin'.
353
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:01,355
Bill Nye Science Guy.
354
00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:06,234
Hey, Bill, Neil Tyson, we've gotta talk.
354
00:20:07,305 --> 00:21:07,455