1
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Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE
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2
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From the first moments
that man stepped forth

3
00:00:39,171 --> 00:00:41,505
from the primordial ooze,

4
00:00:41,506 --> 00:00:45,242
he has struggled
against nature.

5
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He often succeeds,

6
00:00:57,856 --> 00:01:02,660
but every once in a while,
nature fights back.

7
00:01:16,942 --> 00:01:18,509
You got nothin'!

8
00:01:26,318 --> 00:01:29,620
Timber!

9
00:01:29,621 --> 00:01:30,554
Whoa.

10
00:01:45,871 --> 00:01:47,571
I am mountain man!

11
00:01:47,572 --> 00:01:49,774
Rah!

12
00:01:49,775 --> 00:01:51,776
Hmm? Huh?

13
00:02:03,688 --> 00:02:06,657
Ow. Ah.
My spleen. My spleen.

14
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So far, nature has been unable
to wipe man completely

15
00:02:23,242 --> 00:02:24,776
from the planet,

16
00:02:24,777 --> 00:02:28,146
but what if
there was something so huge,

17
00:02:28,147 --> 00:02:33,117
so enormous, so f[...]king big,

18
00:02:33,118 --> 00:02:36,954
why, it would be
the ultimate...

19
00:02:51,636 --> 00:02:54,272
My God.

20
00:02:54,273 --> 00:02:57,708
Oh, my God.

21
00:02:57,709 --> 00:03:00,178
Clean up that backyard, sister.

22
00:03:00,179 --> 00:03:03,781
Oh, my God.

23
00:03:03,782 --> 00:03:06,818
Come here,
you little night crawler.

24
00:03:10,255 --> 00:03:13,057
Oh, my God.

25
00:03:13,058 --> 00:03:16,060
Oh, what I wouldn't do
to be a bar of soap.

26
00:03:16,061 --> 00:03:18,429
Oh, my...

27
00:03:18,430 --> 00:03:21,165
God!

28
00:03:21,166 --> 00:03:23,334
Yes.

29
00:03:37,282 --> 00:03:39,283
Oh, my God.

30
00:03:39,284 --> 00:03:41,752
Oh, my God.

31
00:03:41,753 --> 00:03:42,686
Oh.

32
00:03:44,857 --> 00:03:46,257
Ooh. Whew.

33
00:03:49,027 --> 00:03:50,328
Thanks, sweetheart.

34
00:03:54,532 --> 00:04:00,004
Uh, now, what were you saying
about a planetoid?

35
00:04:00,005 --> 00:04:02,573
Oh, shit.

36
00:04:02,574 --> 00:04:09,146
Get me Harry Bottoms,
and somebody find me some pants.

37
00:04:16,989 --> 00:04:18,322
My dog's in trouble.

38
00:04:18,323 --> 00:04:19,323
Hold on.

39
00:04:19,324 --> 00:04:21,225
Jump, kid.

40
00:04:21,226 --> 00:04:22,226
You've got to save Ruffy.

41
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Over here.

42
00:04:23,262 --> 00:04:25,129
Hey, help!
Over here.

43
00:04:25,130 --> 00:04:28,366
Stay there, kid.
I'll be right back.

44
00:04:29,667 --> 00:04:32,136
Help, over here!
Over here.

45
00:04:32,137 --> 00:04:34,005
Let's go.

46
00:04:34,006 --> 00:04:36,774
Oopsy.

47
00:04:36,775 --> 00:04:38,309
- Oh, dear.
- Come on, Ruffy.

48
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Grandma!

49
00:04:41,613 --> 00:04:43,214
Crap.

50
00:04:44,482 --> 00:04:45,549
Aw, crap.

51
00:04:48,353 --> 00:04:50,687
Oh, okay.
Warm. Hot, hot.

52
00:04:50,688 --> 00:04:52,823
Cold, hot, hot.

53
00:04:52,824 --> 00:04:55,059
Ruffy.

54
00:04:55,060 --> 00:04:59,363
Aw, thanks, mister, but how
are we gonna get out of here?

55
00:04:59,364 --> 00:05:01,498
Don't worry, kid.
I'll think of something.

56
00:05:01,499 --> 00:05:03,600
I always do.

57
00:05:03,601 --> 00:05:05,903
It might just work.

58
00:05:05,904 --> 00:05:07,004
Hang on.

59
00:05:07,005 --> 00:05:08,705
Let's go.

60
00:05:08,706 --> 00:05:09,941
Hang on, kid.
Hang on.

61
00:05:09,942 --> 00:05:12,009
Hang on,
and jump.

62
00:05:14,779 --> 00:05:16,580
Wait here, kid.

63
00:05:19,784 --> 00:05:20,784
Harry.

64
00:05:20,785 --> 00:05:21,986
General.

65
00:05:21,987 --> 00:05:23,687
I won't waste
your time, Harry.

66
00:05:23,688 --> 00:05:24,922
We need your help

67
00:05:24,923 --> 00:05:26,490
to save the world.

68
00:05:26,491 --> 00:05:27,524
Again?

69
00:05:27,525 --> 00:05:28,792
There's nothing
you could give me

70
00:05:28,793 --> 00:05:29,994
that would make me
your whore.

71
00:05:29,995 --> 00:05:32,496
We'll give you $20 million.

72
00:05:32,497 --> 00:05:34,665
Oh, me so horny.

73
00:05:34,666 --> 00:05:36,834
Me love you long time.

74
00:05:36,835 --> 00:05:41,138
It's good
to have you back, Harry.

75
00:05:41,139 --> 00:05:42,773
Aw, thanks, mister.

76
00:05:45,844 --> 00:05:46,777
No!

77
00:05:54,819 --> 00:05:58,489
Take a seat, Harry,
and we'll bring you up to speed.

78
00:05:58,490 --> 00:06:01,325
Dr. Steven Mocking
will be joining us.

79
00:06:01,326 --> 00:06:04,295
He's the foremost authority
on celestial objects.

80
00:06:04,296 --> 00:06:05,896
Oh!

81
00:06:05,897 --> 00:06:08,832
Genius coming through.
Out of the way.

82
00:06:08,833 --> 00:06:10,234
Steven Mocking.

83
00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:13,304
Hey!

84
00:06:13,305 --> 00:06:14,538
It's a great honor, sir.

85
00:06:14,539 --> 00:06:16,340
Yes, it is.

86
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I've asked Dr. Mocking here

87
00:06:22,714 --> 00:06:24,315
to explain our situation.

88
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24 hours ago, a giant planetoid
was discovered

89
00:06:30,688 --> 00:06:33,424
on a collision course
with Earth.

90
00:06:33,425 --> 00:06:36,827
This bat will represent
the planetoid.

91
00:06:36,828 --> 00:06:40,264
This is what will happen
in exactly 3 days,

92
00:06:40,265 --> 00:06:45,436
2 hours, 9 minutes,
and 23 seconds.

93
00:06:45,437 --> 00:06:47,004
Ta-dah!

94
00:06:48,473 --> 00:06:51,042
And that's what will happen

95
00:06:51,043 --> 00:06:52,709
to the human race.

96
00:06:52,710 --> 00:06:54,978
Now, people, we need a plan.

97
00:06:54,979 --> 00:06:59,583
Otherwise, life as we know it
will cease to exist.

98
00:06:59,584 --> 00:07:03,687
You represent some of the most
brilliant minds on the planet.

99
00:07:03,688 --> 00:07:05,122
Any ideas?

100
00:07:05,123 --> 00:07:07,091
- How about a giant...
- Come on, that's retarded.

101
00:07:07,092 --> 00:07:08,559
What about a giant laser?

102
00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:10,694
I was thinking we could send
a giant dolphin

103
00:07:10,695 --> 00:07:11,828
over the planetoid.

104
00:07:11,829 --> 00:07:13,397
- Nope.
- Nothing.

105
00:07:13,398 --> 00:07:14,731
I'm stumped.

106
00:07:16,702 --> 00:07:19,637
All right, look, I may not be
a rocket scientist.

107
00:07:19,638 --> 00:07:21,872
Hell, I may not even know
what a rocket scientist is,

108
00:07:21,873 --> 00:07:24,709
but there are three things
I know for sure.

109
00:07:24,710 --> 00:07:27,645
One, the internet
is the best place

110
00:07:27,646 --> 00:07:28,979
to find free porn.

111
00:07:28,980 --> 00:07:32,583
Two, chili fries and tequila
equals squirts.

112
00:07:32,584 --> 00:07:33,851
And three...

113
00:07:36,388 --> 00:07:40,924
our only hope of success lies
in you trusting me completely.

114
00:07:40,925 --> 00:07:42,226
You've got it, Harry.

115
00:07:42,227 --> 00:07:44,127
What's the plan?

116
00:07:44,128 --> 00:07:45,996
Step one, give me
the three greatest

117
00:07:45,997 --> 00:07:48,165
disaster specialists
on the planet.

118
00:08:00,879 --> 00:08:02,413
Hey,

119
00:08:02,414 --> 00:08:05,048
my Bootsie's been sucked up
in the tornado.

120
00:08:05,049 --> 00:08:06,484
No problem, ma'am.

121
00:08:06,485 --> 00:08:07,651
That tornado and me,

122
00:08:07,652 --> 00:08:10,153
we're headed
for a showdown anyhow.

123
00:08:10,154 --> 00:08:11,756
You be careful.

124
00:08:19,898 --> 00:08:21,331
V.D. Johnson,

125
00:08:21,332 --> 00:08:24,167
he's the best damn
storm chaser in the world.

126
00:08:24,168 --> 00:08:26,303
He's got the pit bull tenacity
of The Rock

127
00:08:26,304 --> 00:08:28,539
combined with
the boyish sex appeal

128
00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:29,940
of that hunky Brad Pitt.

129
00:09:04,375 --> 00:09:06,376
Bootsie!

130
00:09:08,980 --> 00:09:10,915
Yo, Bootsie, jump.

131
00:09:15,153 --> 00:09:16,153
Stay put, Bootsie.

132
00:09:16,154 --> 00:09:17,922
Son of a bitch.

133
00:09:25,229 --> 00:09:26,697
Here's your cat, ma'am.

134
00:09:26,698 --> 00:09:29,600
Bootsie, come to mama,
sweet'ems.

135
00:09:32,036 --> 00:09:33,537
V.D. Johnson,

136
00:09:33,538 --> 00:09:34,972
your country needs you.

137
00:09:43,214 --> 00:09:45,415
That's the last of them,
Major Mellons.

138
00:09:45,416 --> 00:09:48,819
Let's get you people
to safety.

139
00:09:48,820 --> 00:09:50,754
What about poor Mitzi?

140
00:09:50,755 --> 00:09:52,756
We can't leave
without precious.

141
00:09:54,325 --> 00:09:55,826
We're running low on fuel.

142
00:09:55,827 --> 00:09:57,094
We've got to head back.

143
00:09:57,095 --> 00:09:58,963
Yeah, well, no one
gets left behind on my watch.

144
00:10:00,765 --> 00:10:04,001
Sandy Mellons, the best damn

145
00:10:04,002 --> 00:10:06,604
coast guard disaster relief
expert in the world.

146
00:10:06,605 --> 00:10:08,672
She's more of a man
than you'll ever be

147
00:10:08,673 --> 00:10:11,274
and more of a woman
than you'll ever have.

148
00:10:11,275 --> 00:10:12,275
Ew!

149
00:10:12,276 --> 00:10:15,012
Jump, Mitzi. Jump.

150
00:10:25,156 --> 00:10:26,757
Mitzi is safe, everybody.

151
00:10:26,758 --> 00:10:28,458
We're headed home.

152
00:10:29,995 --> 00:10:30,995
We're down here.

153
00:10:36,034 --> 00:10:38,903
Let's go.

154
00:10:38,904 --> 00:10:40,303
Come here, Mitzi.

155
00:10:41,973 --> 00:10:43,407
Get those people
out of the copter

156
00:10:43,408 --> 00:10:44,842
and get them
some first aid stat.

157
00:10:48,613 --> 00:10:50,147
Huh?

158
00:10:53,952 --> 00:10:55,719
Sandy Mellons,

159
00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:57,655
your world needs you.

160
00:11:00,224 --> 00:11:02,059
Donkey Dixon.

161
00:11:02,060 --> 00:11:04,327
He's an expert at martial arts,
explosives,

162
00:11:04,328 --> 00:11:05,996
and race car driving.

163
00:11:05,997 --> 00:11:08,866
He also happens to be
the best damn deep core driller

164
00:11:08,867 --> 00:11:10,067
in the world.

165
00:11:10,068 --> 00:11:13,236
Mr. Dixon,
you gotta hurry.

166
00:11:15,473 --> 00:11:17,374
Thank God, you're here.

167
00:11:17,375 --> 00:11:18,642
Are you ready?

168
00:11:18,643 --> 00:11:20,343
Damn straight.

169
00:11:20,344 --> 00:11:23,013
It's my duty to drill
that booty.

170
00:11:26,117 --> 00:11:28,385
Roll camera.

171
00:11:32,190 --> 00:11:35,593
Oh, no, Muffy's in trouble.

172
00:11:37,028 --> 00:11:39,830
Hey. Oh, that isn't
in the script.

173
00:11:39,831 --> 00:11:41,364
Don't worry, sweet mama.

174
00:11:41,365 --> 00:11:44,768
Donkey Dixon's
on the scene.

175
00:11:52,010 --> 00:11:55,813
Oh, Donkey, you saved Muffy.

176
00:11:55,814 --> 00:11:57,314
My hero.

177
00:11:59,017 --> 00:12:02,653
Oh, Muffy.

178
00:12:02,654 --> 00:12:05,089
Mm, oh, yeah.

179
00:12:05,090 --> 00:12:07,157
Boo ya.

180
00:12:09,527 --> 00:12:12,730
Donkey Dixon,
the planet needs you.

181
00:12:12,731 --> 00:12:15,198
Well, let's go.

182
00:12:17,502 --> 00:12:21,038
Damn, brother.
What's the rush?

183
00:12:21,039 --> 00:12:23,206
The world
ain't blowed up yet.

184
00:12:32,583 --> 00:12:35,318
Welcome to ASSA.

185
00:12:35,319 --> 00:12:36,520
My name's Houston.

186
00:12:36,521 --> 00:12:37,688
Now, if you'll follow me,

187
00:12:37,689 --> 00:12:39,556
we'll move on
to mission control.

188
00:12:39,557 --> 00:12:41,324
Electronics report.

189
00:12:41,325 --> 00:12:42,592
Navigation report.

190
00:12:42,593 --> 00:12:44,461
Video screens report.

191
00:12:45,797 --> 00:12:47,364
Johnson, Dixon,

192
00:12:47,365 --> 00:12:48,966
Mellons.

193
00:12:48,967 --> 00:12:51,568
So I see you're using
your mother's name these days.

194
00:12:51,569 --> 00:12:53,704
Dad, what are you doing here?

195
00:12:53,705 --> 00:12:56,073
Harry's the leader
of our task force.

196
00:12:56,074 --> 00:12:59,543
He's the one that recommended
you for this suicide mission.

197
00:12:59,544 --> 00:13:02,713
Ix-nay
on the uicide-say.

198
00:13:02,714 --> 00:13:04,414
Mission? Whoa, whoa.
What's going on here?

199
00:13:04,415 --> 00:13:08,652
Professor Mocking, you might
want to get back here.

200
00:13:11,556 --> 00:13:13,757
Ouch.

201
00:13:13,758 --> 00:13:18,261
24 hours ago, a giant planetoid
was discovered

202
00:13:18,262 --> 00:13:20,430
on a collision course
with Earth.

203
00:13:20,431 --> 00:13:23,067
Damn, that's
some messed-up shit.

204
00:13:23,068 --> 00:13:25,002
We've got a plan
that's slicker

205
00:13:25,003 --> 00:13:26,770
than a fat baby's dick.

206
00:13:26,771 --> 00:13:29,506
We're gonna send you four
into space

207
00:13:29,507 --> 00:13:31,441
to stop that planetoid.

208
00:13:31,442 --> 00:13:32,442
How?

209
00:13:32,443 --> 00:13:34,044
Nukes.

210
00:13:34,045 --> 00:13:35,278
Why us?

211
00:13:35,279 --> 00:13:37,247
We've discovered
that it has its own weather

212
00:13:37,248 --> 00:13:38,481
and tectonic systems.

213
00:13:38,482 --> 00:13:40,517
The surface of the planetoid
is covered

214
00:13:40,518 --> 00:13:42,052
with the worst storms,

215
00:13:42,053 --> 00:13:43,821
twisters, volcanoes,

216
00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:46,256
and miscellaneous
natural disasters

217
00:13:46,257 --> 00:13:47,791
that we've ever seen.

218
00:13:47,792 --> 00:13:50,260
Why, if it hits the Earth,
it would be...

219
00:13:50,261 --> 00:13:54,765
The ultimate disaster.

220
00:13:54,766 --> 00:13:57,367
Does his voice
kind of creep your shit out?

221
00:13:57,368 --> 00:13:58,769
Why don't you lay off
the cripple

222
00:13:58,770 --> 00:14:01,972
and get back to business?

223
00:14:03,574 --> 00:14:06,343
You and me,
oh, baby, can't you see?

224
00:14:06,344 --> 00:14:08,678
V.D., there's nothing
going on

225
00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:10,214
between you and my daughter,
is there?

226
00:14:10,215 --> 00:14:13,083
Harry, man, no,
of course not. Christ.

227
00:14:13,084 --> 00:14:15,719
Good, because
she's my only daughter.

228
00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:17,020
And even if
I haven't always

229
00:14:17,021 --> 00:14:19,723
been there for her,
I'd kill the man

230
00:14:19,724 --> 00:14:21,358
that took her virginity.

231
00:14:21,359 --> 00:14:24,494
Harry, you're like
a father to me.

232
00:14:24,495 --> 00:14:27,530
You know...ah, look,
I think I dropped my pen.

233
00:14:27,531 --> 00:14:29,133
Because I've got
to tell you something.

234
00:14:29,134 --> 00:14:30,333
You're like a son to me, V.D.

235
00:14:30,334 --> 00:14:32,669
And sons and daughters
sleeping together,

236
00:14:32,670 --> 00:14:34,004
that's just wrong.

237
00:14:34,005 --> 00:14:35,472
You can count on me, Harry.

238
00:14:38,143 --> 00:14:39,810
Harry. Harry.

239
00:14:39,811 --> 00:14:41,245
This isn't what
it looks like.

240
00:14:46,985 --> 00:14:47,918
Harry.

241
00:14:49,053 --> 00:14:50,821
Whoa!

242
00:15:00,165 --> 00:15:01,999
Hold your horses there,
cowboy.

243
00:15:03,234 --> 00:15:06,103
This is a restricted area.

244
00:15:11,943 --> 00:15:14,111
This will teach you to rob
my daughter of her virginity,

245
00:15:14,112 --> 00:15:15,813
you hymen burglar.

246
00:15:19,217 --> 00:15:20,417
What are you saying, Harry?

247
00:15:20,418 --> 00:15:23,020
I lost my virginity,
like, years ago.

248
00:15:23,021 --> 00:15:24,855
I'm gonna...
you did?

249
00:15:24,856 --> 00:15:26,556
Yeah, to Steven Mocking.

250
00:15:26,557 --> 00:15:28,792
Oh, shit.

251
00:15:30,028 --> 00:15:31,261
Ouch.

252
00:15:37,135 --> 00:15:40,270
Dad's away
and not around again.

253
00:15:40,271 --> 00:15:41,538
The old man's...

254
00:15:41,539 --> 00:15:43,874
Hey, kids, you want
to see me throw the pizza dough?

255
00:15:43,875 --> 00:15:45,008
Yay!

256
00:15:47,545 --> 00:15:48,912
Even higher?

257
00:15:48,913 --> 00:15:51,181
Yay!

258
00:15:53,818 --> 00:15:55,752
Even higher than that?

259
00:15:55,753 --> 00:15:58,055
Yay!

260
00:16:04,829 --> 00:16:07,797
Yay!

261
00:16:07,798 --> 00:16:09,032
Ladies and gentlemen,

262
00:16:09,033 --> 00:16:10,800
the president
of the United States.

263
00:16:12,770 --> 00:16:15,873
Ladies and gentlemen
of the press,

264
00:16:15,874 --> 00:16:18,842
if you'd been paying attention
earlier in the movie,

265
00:16:18,843 --> 00:16:21,879
you would know that
there was a big-ass planetoid

266
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:24,348
headed for us right now.

267
00:16:24,349 --> 00:16:27,517
We are calling this planetoid
Sean Connery,

268
00:16:27,518 --> 00:16:30,553
'cause he's gonna slap us
like a bitch.

269
00:16:30,554 --> 00:16:32,455
Any questions?

270
00:16:32,456 --> 00:16:34,457
Uh, sir? Sir, are you saying
we're all gonna die?

271
00:16:34,458 --> 00:16:36,760
It's most likely.

272
00:16:36,761 --> 00:16:39,496
However, I'd like
to take this opportunity

273
00:16:39,497 --> 00:16:40,998
to announce my plan

274
00:16:40,999 --> 00:16:44,134
for the continuing survival
of the American people.

275
00:16:44,135 --> 00:16:47,271
I spent the last two years
carving out a secret network

276
00:16:47,272 --> 00:16:50,073
of caves
in Oakland, California.

277
00:16:50,074 --> 00:16:52,376
Imagine my surprise
when I found out

278
00:16:52,377 --> 00:16:54,744
that they would come in handy.

279
00:16:54,745 --> 00:16:56,646
How many people can fit
in the caves?

280
00:16:56,647 --> 00:17:00,483
Well, after everyone
on Capitol Hill has moved in,

281
00:17:00,484 --> 00:17:02,585
there will only be a limited
number of places left.

282
00:17:02,586 --> 00:17:06,189
That's why I come with a plan
that will be fair to everyone.

283
00:17:06,190 --> 00:17:08,491
If you happen
to be fine white woman

284
00:17:08,492 --> 00:17:11,795
between the ages
of 18 and 24,

285
00:17:11,796 --> 00:17:13,830
you will be admitted
into the shelter

286
00:17:13,831 --> 00:17:16,833
as long as you meet
these requirements.

287
00:17:16,834 --> 00:17:20,203
As you see, you must
have a D-cup or better

288
00:17:20,204 --> 00:17:21,538
and be willing to have sex

289
00:17:21,539 --> 00:17:25,042
with the president
of the United States.

290
00:17:25,043 --> 00:17:27,311
If you happen to be a sister,

291
00:17:27,312 --> 00:17:30,647
we have a slightly
different standard.

292
00:17:32,583 --> 00:17:34,084
Give me the White House.

293
00:17:34,085 --> 00:17:36,153
That shithead
just ruined our tour.

294
00:17:36,154 --> 00:17:37,554
That blows.

295
00:17:37,555 --> 00:17:39,789
Who blows?
Do I know her?

296
00:17:39,790 --> 00:17:42,993
Shit, man,
my rehab ain't worth shit.

297
00:17:42,994 --> 00:17:44,127
Hey, wait.

298
00:17:44,128 --> 00:17:45,462
This planetoid
might be the best thing

299
00:17:45,463 --> 00:17:46,696
that ever happened
to us, guys.

300
00:17:46,697 --> 00:17:48,565
We could do
the last rock concert

301
00:17:48,566 --> 00:17:50,300
in the history of Earth.

302
00:17:50,301 --> 00:17:52,869
Fucking A, a one-day tour.

303
00:17:52,870 --> 00:17:55,572
We can do the show
at the point of impact.

304
00:17:55,573 --> 00:17:57,374
Yeah,
the Earth Is Fucked Tour.

305
00:17:57,375 --> 00:17:59,076
Destruction.

306
00:17:59,077 --> 00:18:00,743
Annihilation.

307
00:18:00,744 --> 00:18:02,245
Extinction.

308
00:18:02,246 --> 00:18:03,680
Fornication.

309
00:18:03,681 --> 00:18:04,914
It's a killer,

310
00:18:04,915 --> 00:18:06,416
a killer planetoid.

311
00:18:06,417 --> 00:18:09,953
It's a killer planetoid.

312
00:18:46,190 --> 00:18:47,557
Everyone,

313
00:18:47,558 --> 00:18:50,427
let me introduce you
to Dr. Wang Chung.

314
00:18:50,428 --> 00:18:53,130
He'll be
our token Asian character

315
00:18:53,131 --> 00:18:54,297
for this movie.

316
00:18:54,298 --> 00:18:55,798
Ah, nice to meet you.

317
00:18:55,799 --> 00:18:58,301
I'll be dying later on
in the movie, so...

318
00:18:58,302 --> 00:19:00,070
Ah, well, sorry to hear that.

319
00:19:00,071 --> 00:19:02,205
Hey, work is work,
you know what I'm saying?

320
00:19:02,206 --> 00:19:06,510
Wang, you want to show 'em
what you've got?

321
00:19:06,511 --> 00:19:07,744
- Whoa!
- Ew!
- Oh!

322
00:19:07,745 --> 00:19:10,813
Oh! I meant the spaceship.

323
00:19:10,814 --> 00:19:12,615
Oh, sorry.
Ladies and gentlemen, sorry.

324
00:19:12,616 --> 00:19:13,616
You see my pee-pee.

325
00:19:13,617 --> 00:19:14,951
My bad. Okay.

326
00:19:14,952 --> 00:19:17,087
I present to you...

327
00:19:20,925 --> 00:19:22,025
Wow.

328
00:19:25,763 --> 00:19:27,230
Wow.

329
00:19:29,167 --> 00:19:32,001
The Cola 1?

330
00:19:32,002 --> 00:19:33,836
Budget cuts.

331
00:19:33,837 --> 00:19:38,442
Now, if you'll all put on
your official Cola 1 caps,

332
00:19:38,443 --> 00:19:40,743
I'll introduce you
to the rest of the team.

333
00:19:42,346 --> 00:19:45,415
Guy, Dr. Jonze,

334
00:19:45,416 --> 00:19:47,184
why don't you come join us?

335
00:19:47,185 --> 00:19:49,419
This is Guy Kirk.

336
00:19:49,420 --> 00:19:52,922
I'm the captain
of the starship Cola 1.

337
00:19:54,358 --> 00:19:56,159
Is there a problem, mister?

338
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:59,929
Uh, no, no.
Beam me up, Scotty.

339
00:19:59,930 --> 00:20:01,231
Hey, I heard that.

340
00:20:01,232 --> 00:20:04,067
And, you know,
you won't be talking so funny

341
00:20:04,068 --> 00:20:05,802
with my foot up your ass.

342
00:20:05,803 --> 00:20:08,605
All right, all right,
break it up, you two.

343
00:20:08,606 --> 00:20:09,872
That's right.

344
00:20:09,873 --> 00:20:12,008
There will be plenty of time
for macho posturing

345
00:20:12,009 --> 00:20:13,810
once you're in outer space.

346
00:20:13,811 --> 00:20:16,546
I'd like you to meet
Lieutenant Hanukah Jonze.

347
00:20:16,547 --> 00:20:18,781
She'll be the second member
of the flight team.

348
00:20:18,782 --> 00:20:21,151
I'm also a nuclear
physi-sisi-cist,

349
00:20:21,152 --> 00:20:22,586
which means I'm really smart.

350
00:20:22,587 --> 00:20:25,555
And I work
with nuclear miss-iles.

351
00:20:25,556 --> 00:20:27,557
She can work my missile
any time,

352
00:20:27,558 --> 00:20:29,459
you know what I'm saying?

353
00:20:29,460 --> 00:20:31,361
Now, I think
you will be really excited,

354
00:20:31,362 --> 00:20:33,530
possibly even sport wood,
by this thing.

355
00:20:37,001 --> 00:20:43,573
It was reverse engineered
from a UFO we find back in 1944.

356
00:20:43,574 --> 00:20:45,775
A golf cart?

357
00:20:45,776 --> 00:20:47,544
Not just a golf cart,

358
00:20:47,545 --> 00:20:50,813
a reverse engineered
alien golf cart.

359
00:20:50,814 --> 00:20:53,082
Weren't you listening before?

360
00:20:53,083 --> 00:20:55,018
No. Dear God.

361
00:20:56,554 --> 00:21:00,023
- No.
- V.D., what's the matter?

362
00:21:00,024 --> 00:21:04,961
I'm about to have
a dramatic flashback.

363
00:21:07,398 --> 00:21:09,065
It was a perfect day.

364
00:21:09,066 --> 00:21:12,702
Mom was sober.

365
00:21:12,703 --> 00:21:16,072
My stepdad had beaten
his murder rap,

366
00:21:16,073 --> 00:21:17,607
and Sis was making

367
00:21:17,608 --> 00:21:19,176
really good dough
at her part-time job.

368
00:21:19,177 --> 00:21:23,513
Hey, mister,
oh, your balls look so dirty.

369
00:21:23,514 --> 00:21:25,482
I'll bet your balls
are dirty.

370
00:21:25,483 --> 00:21:26,783
Can I wash them?

371
00:21:26,784 --> 00:21:30,220
Hey, Daddy, watch me
hit a hole in one.

372
00:21:32,723 --> 00:21:34,558
Yay!

373
00:21:34,559 --> 00:21:35,725
Good job, son.

374
00:21:35,726 --> 00:21:38,094
Wasn't that a good shot, baby?

375
00:21:38,095 --> 00:21:41,665
That's wonderful, dear.

376
00:21:41,666 --> 00:21:45,202
Who would have thought
that this peaceful, perfect day

377
00:21:45,203 --> 00:21:47,537
would be so horribly shattered?

378
00:21:51,309 --> 00:21:54,477
No!

379
00:21:55,913 --> 00:21:57,614
They were killed instantly.

380
00:21:57,615 --> 00:21:59,749
No!

381
00:21:59,750 --> 00:22:03,220
Since then, I can't even look
at a golf cart

382
00:22:03,221 --> 00:22:04,887
without shitting myself.

383
00:22:06,691 --> 00:22:08,425
Ugh!

384
00:22:08,426 --> 00:22:10,159
Captain Morgan...

385
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:11,628
Finally, I'd like
to introduce you

386
00:22:11,629 --> 00:22:14,364
to the culmination
of my life's work,

387
00:22:14,365 --> 00:22:16,333
the Bimillennial.

388
00:22:16,334 --> 00:22:17,967
- Oooh.
- Wow.

389
00:22:17,968 --> 00:22:21,605
Look at that thing.
That's what I call a BM.

390
00:22:21,606 --> 00:22:24,841
Bimillennial Man online.
Awaiting command.

391
00:22:24,842 --> 00:22:29,312
The Bimillennial, or BM Man,

392
00:22:29,313 --> 00:22:33,250
was originally designed
for space combat.

393
00:22:33,251 --> 00:22:37,820
I modify his program
to assist you on the planetoid.

394
00:22:37,821 --> 00:22:42,325
BM Man, activate.

395
00:22:42,326 --> 00:22:44,461
Lindsay Wagner,
report to bionics.

396
00:22:44,462 --> 00:22:45,462
Ah!

397
00:22:45,463 --> 00:22:49,399
Exterminate.
Exterminate.

398
00:22:57,341 --> 00:23:00,076
Oh, my God,
is he okay?

399
00:23:02,647 --> 00:23:04,714
Planetoid Sean Connery
is predicted

400
00:23:04,715 --> 00:23:07,016
to slam into the Earth
on Wednesday.

401
00:23:07,017 --> 00:23:10,052
We take you live
to Chip Chatsworth. Chip.

402
00:23:10,053 --> 00:23:11,954
I'm here at the point
of impact

403
00:23:11,955 --> 00:23:14,791
for the killer planetoid.

404
00:23:14,792 --> 00:23:16,058
It's all quiet now,

405
00:23:16,059 --> 00:23:18,227
maybe a little
too quiet.

406
00:23:18,228 --> 00:23:20,597
Why, even Mabel the cow

407
00:23:20,598 --> 00:23:22,231
doesn't seem
to comprehend

408
00:23:22,232 --> 00:23:25,101
the planet's
impending doom.

409
00:23:25,102 --> 00:23:28,705
And what a fine-looking
animal she is.

410
00:23:28,706 --> 00:23:33,310
This is Chip Chatsworth...
reporting.

411
00:23:47,925 --> 00:23:50,460
Got to keep go...

412
00:23:53,997 --> 00:23:56,433
The planetoid's
gonna hit the earth

413
00:23:56,434 --> 00:23:58,601
in about three days.

414
00:23:58,602 --> 00:24:02,004
That means we've only got
24 hours to get you tested,

415
00:24:02,005 --> 00:24:05,542
trained, and launched
into outer space.

416
00:24:05,543 --> 00:24:06,576
All right, V.D.,
here we go.

417
00:24:11,382 --> 00:24:13,916
They saw defiance.

418
00:24:13,917 --> 00:24:16,419
Tell me what you see
in these pictures.

419
00:24:16,420 --> 00:24:17,754
A muff.

420
00:24:17,755 --> 00:24:19,222
Bush. Beaver.

421
00:24:19,223 --> 00:24:21,324
Very good, Herr Bottoms.

422
00:24:21,325 --> 00:24:22,692
Yeah, they hate you,

423
00:24:22,693 --> 00:24:24,694
if you ever wondered why...

424
00:24:24,695 --> 00:24:28,264
This is identical to the
mechanical arm on the Cola 1.

425
00:24:28,265 --> 00:24:30,266
Now, let's get you
tested on this.

426
00:24:30,267 --> 00:24:32,702
All right.

427
00:24:32,703 --> 00:24:36,406
Good. Good.

428
00:24:39,176 --> 00:24:40,777
Her levels
are too high.

429
00:24:40,778 --> 00:24:43,112
Mellons, keep your left...
right hand inverted.

430
00:24:43,113 --> 00:24:45,348
Inverted. I mean,
your other right hand.

431
00:24:45,349 --> 00:24:46,483
Invert.

432
00:24:49,653 --> 00:24:51,554
Oh, that's great.

433
00:24:51,555 --> 00:24:53,990
Sergeant Hanes
report to security.

434
00:24:53,991 --> 00:24:56,225
Donkey, Hanukah
will be assisting you

435
00:24:56,226 --> 00:24:57,761
with the drilling
of the planetoid.

436
00:24:57,762 --> 00:25:00,797
Now, I want you to show her
some of your technique.

437
00:25:00,798 --> 00:25:03,199
I'm down with that.

438
00:25:09,740 --> 00:25:13,142
You'll notice the large
black shaft on this drill.

439
00:25:13,143 --> 00:25:15,645
Using pistoning action,

440
00:25:15,646 --> 00:25:19,616
this baby is designed
for deep penetration.

441
00:25:19,617 --> 00:25:21,851
As long as
it's kept well-lubricated,

442
00:25:21,852 --> 00:25:23,820
it can go for hours at a time.

443
00:25:25,423 --> 00:25:27,323
You've been working us
too hard.

444
00:25:27,324 --> 00:25:28,691
You can't keep up this pace.

445
00:25:28,692 --> 00:25:31,428
You've been training
for three hours.

446
00:25:31,429 --> 00:25:34,597
Exactly, and with only
two coffee breaks.

447
00:25:34,598 --> 00:25:35,865
Look,

448
00:25:35,866 --> 00:25:37,600
if we don't relax
before going into space,

449
00:25:37,601 --> 00:25:39,469
we could forget
what we're fighting for.

450
00:25:39,470 --> 00:25:40,937
All right, Harry.

451
00:25:40,938 --> 00:25:45,975
I just received this letter
from Little Timmy Tiddlebound.

452
00:25:45,976 --> 00:25:49,312
Now, this young boy is lying
in a hospital near death.

453
00:25:49,313 --> 00:25:50,713
His last wish

454
00:25:50,714 --> 00:25:53,550
is to meet
a real live astronaut,

455
00:25:53,551 --> 00:25:56,619
but he's willing
to settle for you.

456
00:25:56,620 --> 00:25:59,255
What a stupid last wish.

457
00:25:59,256 --> 00:26:01,658
Harry, if you visit Timmy,

458
00:26:01,659 --> 00:26:04,461
I'll give your people
the night off.

459
00:26:04,462 --> 00:26:06,563
Well, I was gonna get
an oil rubdown,

460
00:26:06,564 --> 00:26:07,564
but what the hell.

461
00:26:07,565 --> 00:26:10,166
You've got yourself a deal.

462
00:26:12,837 --> 00:26:14,504
Animal cracker?

463
00:26:14,505 --> 00:26:16,573
Thanks.

464
00:26:16,574 --> 00:26:19,108
The giraffe wants
to be a baseball player.

465
00:26:19,109 --> 00:26:22,979
Will he join the major leagues
or the bush leagues?

466
00:26:25,048 --> 00:26:29,085
And now the banana wants
to play baseball, baby.

467
00:26:47,738 --> 00:26:50,272
You know, I was thinking
with Harry leading this mission,

468
00:26:50,273 --> 00:26:51,708
we might actually make it.

469
00:26:51,709 --> 00:26:53,510
I don't know, V.D.

470
00:26:53,511 --> 00:26:56,245
I just can't forgive him
for what happened to my mom.

471
00:26:56,246 --> 00:26:58,114
What, did he divorce her
or something?

472
00:26:58,115 --> 00:26:59,482
Worse.

473
00:26:59,483 --> 00:27:01,183
When our plane went down
in the Andes,

474
00:27:01,184 --> 00:27:03,185
we were stranded
without food.

475
00:27:03,186 --> 00:27:04,587
Mom drew the short straw.

476
00:27:04,588 --> 00:27:06,188
Stop crying
and eat your mother.

477
00:27:08,626 --> 00:27:10,793
Ugh, dude.

478
00:27:14,164 --> 00:27:17,534
Timmy, there's someone here
to see you.

479
00:27:17,535 --> 00:27:21,504
Oh, sir, it's ever so grand
of you to visit.

480
00:27:23,541 --> 00:27:26,543
Hey, Timmy.
Hey, how's it going kid, huh?

481
00:27:26,544 --> 00:27:27,810
Hey, hey, hey, hey.

482
00:27:27,811 --> 00:27:29,111
Actually, Little Timmy here

483
00:27:29,112 --> 00:27:30,780
probably won't make it
through the night.

484
00:27:30,781 --> 00:27:32,815
He's got kidney failure,
lung failure,

485
00:27:32,816 --> 00:27:34,383
renal failure, dropsy,
brain disease,

486
00:27:34,384 --> 00:27:35,685
heart disease,
mad cow disease,

487
00:27:35,686 --> 00:27:37,053
and really bad allergies.

488
00:27:38,889 --> 00:27:41,891
But we're all pulling for ya,
aren't we, Little Timmy, huh?

489
00:27:41,892 --> 00:27:44,928
They say I'll be right
as rain in no time, sir.

490
00:27:44,929 --> 00:27:46,228
I'm sure they do.

491
00:27:46,229 --> 00:27:47,864
In fact, that's what I'm here
to tell you.

492
00:27:47,865 --> 00:27:48,998
It's gonna be great.

493
00:27:48,999 --> 00:27:50,433
Kid, you're ready
to die a horrific,

494
00:27:50,434 --> 00:27:51,935
agonizing death
at any moment.

495
00:27:51,936 --> 00:27:52,969
I'm not gonna lie to you.

496
00:27:52,970 --> 00:27:54,336
Our mission is doomed
to failure.

497
00:27:54,337 --> 00:27:56,973
It's just a question
of which will go first,

498
00:27:56,974 --> 00:27:59,341
your internal organs
or the Earth.

499
00:27:59,342 --> 00:28:01,077
But no matter
what happens, Timmy,

500
00:28:01,078 --> 00:28:02,511
I want you
to remember one thing.

501
00:28:02,512 --> 00:28:05,247
Don't do drugs.

502
00:28:18,428 --> 00:28:22,465
You know what the difference
between you and me is?

503
00:28:22,466 --> 00:28:25,702
I make this look good.

504
00:28:39,382 --> 00:28:41,551
Hydraulic systems are go.

505
00:28:41,552 --> 00:28:44,353
Electronic systems are go.

506
00:28:44,354 --> 00:28:46,823
The compressor
in engine three is a go.

507
00:28:54,731 --> 00:28:57,600
Ha, hangman.

508
00:28:57,601 --> 00:28:58,968
What's a sclurb?

509
00:29:00,303 --> 00:29:03,473
It's Danish, asshole.

510
00:29:03,474 --> 00:29:05,274
We're ready
at this end, ASSA.

511
00:29:05,275 --> 00:29:07,209
We read you, Captain.

512
00:29:07,210 --> 00:29:08,611
All right, Mr. Houston.

513
00:29:08,612 --> 00:29:10,346
Are we go for launch?

514
00:29:10,347 --> 00:29:13,148
We are go
for hopeless mission launch.

515
00:29:13,149 --> 00:29:15,417
Cue stock footage.

516
00:29:24,928 --> 00:29:26,729
Stock footage successful, sir.

517
00:29:26,730 --> 00:29:28,931
Cola 1 has cleared orbit.

518
00:29:33,269 --> 00:29:34,336
All right, all right.

519
00:29:34,337 --> 00:29:36,238
Let's not
celebrate yet, people.

520
00:29:36,239 --> 00:29:38,875
We're not even halfway
through the film.

521
00:29:38,876 --> 00:29:41,110
We've escaped
Earth's atmosphere.

522
00:29:42,178 --> 00:29:43,379
Uh-oh.

523
00:29:43,380 --> 00:29:45,247
Hydraulic down.

524
00:29:45,248 --> 00:29:46,682
Ow!

525
00:29:46,683 --> 00:29:49,952
Oh, yeah.
That was a good one.

526
00:29:49,953 --> 00:29:52,254
Okay, my turn.

527
00:29:52,255 --> 00:29:54,790
This is Kirk, Houston.
Are you reading?

528
00:29:54,791 --> 00:29:56,258
Uh, this is Houston, Kirk.

529
00:29:56,259 --> 00:29:58,360
Are you sure
you don't want Dallas?

530
00:29:58,361 --> 00:30:00,195
ASSA moved to Dallas?

531
00:30:00,196 --> 00:30:02,832
No, ASSA is still in Houston.

532
00:30:02,833 --> 00:30:04,066
This is Dallas.

533
00:30:04,067 --> 00:30:05,635
I want Houston,
not Dallas.

534
00:30:05,636 --> 00:30:08,771
This is Dallas Washington.
What's the problem here?

535
00:30:08,772 --> 00:30:10,372
Dallas isn't in Washington.

536
00:30:10,373 --> 00:30:13,242
It's my name, damn it.
I'm Dallas Washington.

537
00:30:13,243 --> 00:30:14,443
Well, stop screwing around

538
00:30:14,444 --> 00:30:16,412
and just give me Houston,
Dallas Washington.

539
00:30:16,413 --> 00:30:18,881
This is Houston, Kirk.
What do you need?

540
00:30:18,882 --> 00:30:20,783
Houston, we've got a problem.

541
00:30:20,784 --> 00:30:23,786
We've only just launched,
but already out of fuel.

542
00:30:23,787 --> 00:30:26,188
All right, who took
the space shuttle out

543
00:30:26,189 --> 00:30:27,790
and didn't fill it up?

544
00:30:29,893 --> 00:30:34,997
Sorry, chicks dig cripples
in cool rocket ships.

545
00:30:38,001 --> 00:30:40,436
Captain, it looks like
you'll have to link up

546
00:30:40,437 --> 00:30:42,972
with the French space station,
<i>Le Grand Fromage.</i>

547
00:30:42,973 --> 00:30:44,239
to take on more fuel.

548
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:45,240
Be advised.

549
00:30:45,241 --> 00:30:47,242
The Frenchman in charge
of that station

550
00:30:47,243 --> 00:30:50,479
hasn't had any foreigners
to ridicule in months.

551
00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:54,450
He might be crazier than
a bird dog with a butt plug.

552
00:30:54,451 --> 00:30:56,151
Acknowledged, ASSA.

553
00:30:56,152 --> 00:31:00,590
We will consider the Frenchman
to be ridiculous and offensive.

554
00:31:00,591 --> 00:31:02,524
Running systems are go.

555
00:31:08,498 --> 00:31:09,932
Attention, space station,

556
00:31:09,933 --> 00:31:13,636
this is the United States
shuttle Cola 1

557
00:31:13,637 --> 00:31:16,105
requesting clearance
to dock.

558
00:31:17,874 --> 00:31:19,308
Just a minute.

559
00:31:19,309 --> 00:31:21,443
I am busy.

560
00:31:22,713 --> 00:31:23,713
Ooph!

561
00:31:23,714 --> 00:31:24,747
<i>Vive la France.</i>

562
00:31:27,017 --> 00:31:29,551
All right, you're clear
for docking.

563
00:31:29,552 --> 00:31:32,121
Maybe we should wait
a few minutes.

564
00:31:32,122 --> 00:31:34,123
We don't have the time.

565
00:31:34,124 --> 00:31:36,726
Here, everyone, take these.

566
00:31:36,727 --> 00:31:39,061
All right, hand 'em back.

567
00:31:39,062 --> 00:31:41,230
And another.

568
00:31:41,231 --> 00:31:43,232
Beginning docking maneuvers.

569
00:31:49,973 --> 00:31:50,973
Whoa.

570
00:31:50,974 --> 00:31:55,410
Oh, my God,
it so reeks in here.

571
00:31:55,411 --> 00:31:57,312
The backstroke.

572
00:32:04,287 --> 00:32:06,522
So, uh, where
is the French dude?

573
00:32:06,523 --> 00:32:09,792
I am turning
off the gravity...now.

574
00:32:13,897 --> 00:32:16,065
Hello, I am
Commander Jean-Paul Bidet.

575
00:32:16,066 --> 00:32:17,767
Yeah, the French blowhole.

576
00:32:18,902 --> 00:32:20,069
Hey, Bidet!

577
00:32:20,070 --> 00:32:22,038
What do you think
you're doing, man?

578
00:32:22,039 --> 00:32:23,372
I'm sorry.

579
00:32:23,373 --> 00:32:29,145
I just haven't seen a woman
in many months.

580
00:32:30,513 --> 00:32:32,048
Whoa, back off!

581
00:32:32,049 --> 00:32:34,483
I haven't seen a man
in many months either.

582
00:32:34,484 --> 00:32:37,653
What are you wearing?

583
00:32:46,229 --> 00:32:49,464
Please, please, help yourself
to some <i>fromage,</i> cheese.

584
00:32:49,465 --> 00:32:51,533
If you cut anymore cheese,
I'll strangle you myself.

585
00:32:51,534 --> 00:32:53,903
We've got to refuel the shuttle
and save the world, Pierre.

586
00:32:53,904 --> 00:32:58,507
Suit yourself.

587
00:33:01,144 --> 00:33:03,445
Whoa, what's the matter
with him?

588
00:33:03,446 --> 00:33:05,181
Oh, he's French.

589
00:33:07,050 --> 00:33:08,517
Come on, get him up
on the table.

590
00:33:12,589 --> 00:33:13,589
He's convulsing.

591
00:33:13,590 --> 00:33:16,625
Oh, my God.

592
00:33:16,626 --> 00:33:17,727
There's something in there.

593
00:33:17,728 --> 00:33:18,894
Get away from him.

594
00:33:20,130 --> 00:33:21,530
It's a giant tapeworm.

595
00:33:24,334 --> 00:33:25,667
Ugh!

596
00:33:32,275 --> 00:33:33,275
Ugh.

597
00:33:33,276 --> 00:33:35,044
Ew.

598
00:33:35,045 --> 00:33:37,980
Well, I am sorry,
my friends.

599
00:33:37,981 --> 00:33:40,116
I'm a little...
<i>comment dit on en anglais...</i>

600
00:33:42,119 --> 00:33:44,153
Uh...lactose-intolerant.

601
00:33:44,154 --> 00:33:45,921
Playtime's over.

602
00:33:45,922 --> 00:33:46,956
Where do you keep the gas?

603
00:33:48,024 --> 00:33:49,424
For the shuttle.

604
00:33:49,425 --> 00:33:50,425
Ah.

605
00:33:50,426 --> 00:33:52,361
<i>Mais oui.</i> But of course.

606
00:33:52,362 --> 00:33:54,730
Follow me.

607
00:33:54,731 --> 00:33:56,632
All right,
I will need someone

608
00:33:56,633 --> 00:33:58,500
to help me
down in the fuel tank.

609
00:33:58,501 --> 00:34:01,871
How about you, V.D., huh?

610
00:34:01,872 --> 00:34:04,807
Uh, you know, I don't really
don't have any experience in...

611
00:34:04,808 --> 00:34:06,041
V.D., you're going with him.

612
00:34:06,042 --> 00:34:07,843
The rest of us are going
to hook up the fuel tanks.

613
00:34:07,844 --> 00:34:09,344
Thanks, Harry.

614
00:34:09,345 --> 00:34:11,180
Let me see, I will
also need two people

615
00:34:11,181 --> 00:34:12,514
to monitor the pumping.

616
00:34:12,515 --> 00:34:16,118
I know a little something
about pumping.

617
00:34:16,119 --> 00:34:19,021
Um, oh, I'll stay too.

618
00:34:19,022 --> 00:34:24,026
I want to get more of a handle
on Donkey's pumping techniques.

619
00:34:24,027 --> 00:34:25,027
Fine.

620
00:34:25,028 --> 00:34:26,361
People, you know your jobs.

621
00:34:26,362 --> 00:34:28,563
We're on a timetable,
so let's get to work.

622
00:34:30,533 --> 00:34:31,867
All right, listen carefully.

623
00:34:31,868 --> 00:34:35,271
If anything goes wrong,
push the red <i>bouton.</i>

624
00:34:35,272 --> 00:34:36,405
But whatever you do,

625
00:34:36,406 --> 00:34:38,473
make sure you don't push

626
00:34:38,474 --> 00:34:40,375
the other red <i>bouton,</i> huh?

627
00:34:40,376 --> 00:34:42,077
That would...

628
00:34:42,078 --> 00:34:44,780
<i>comment dit on en anglais...</i>
<i>je vous...</i>

629
00:34:44,781 --> 00:34:47,149
It will blow up
the station, huh?

630
00:34:47,150 --> 00:34:48,918
Very, very bad.

631
00:34:48,919 --> 00:34:50,019
Okay, got it?

632
00:34:50,020 --> 00:34:52,321
How can we tell them apart?

633
00:34:52,322 --> 00:34:54,489
Oh, <i>très simple.</i>
Very simple.

634
00:34:54,490 --> 00:34:56,292
One blows up the station.

635
00:34:56,293 --> 00:34:59,128
The other does <i>néant.</i>

636
00:35:00,897 --> 00:35:04,934
Stupid American.

637
00:35:09,206 --> 00:35:12,041
V.D., while the fuel
is pumping,

638
00:35:12,042 --> 00:35:14,310
we must hold the hoses
in place

639
00:35:14,311 --> 00:35:18,780
to make sure the seal
is not broken, huh?

640
00:35:18,781 --> 00:35:20,716
I will take the top hose.

641
00:35:23,887 --> 00:35:27,389
Pumping has commenced.

642
00:35:36,532 --> 00:35:38,767
Hold that hose in place.

643
00:35:38,768 --> 00:35:41,003
Are you trying
to kill us all?

644
00:35:45,908 --> 00:35:47,309
You know what?

645
00:35:47,310 --> 00:35:50,712
I'm a rockette scientist.

646
00:35:50,713 --> 00:35:52,881
You've said that already.

647
00:35:52,882 --> 00:35:55,984
I also know
about nuclear fishing.

648
00:35:55,985 --> 00:35:57,886
You said that too.

649
00:35:57,887 --> 00:35:59,921
You want to just do it?

650
00:35:59,922 --> 00:36:02,057
Boo ya.

651
00:36:02,058 --> 00:36:03,825
Wha...

652
00:36:03,826 --> 00:36:06,262
You take that back.

653
00:36:06,263 --> 00:36:09,565
Patrick Stewart was
so much better than Shatner.

654
00:36:09,566 --> 00:36:13,101
That's a lie.

655
00:36:42,432 --> 00:36:43,432
<i>Mon dieu.</i>

656
00:36:43,433 --> 00:36:45,367
The seal is broken.

657
00:36:45,368 --> 00:36:49,638
Can't take the pain.

658
00:36:49,639 --> 00:36:51,807
Push the red <i>bouton.</i>
Push.

659
00:36:51,808 --> 00:36:54,510
Push the red <i>bouton.</i>

660
00:36:54,511 --> 00:36:58,347
Push the red <i>bouton.</i>
Push the red <i>bouton.</i>

661
00:36:58,348 --> 00:37:00,616
My mama told me to pick
the very best one,

662
00:37:00,617 --> 00:37:02,551
and you are not it.

663
00:37:04,287 --> 00:37:05,521
That's the motherfucker.

664
00:37:05,522 --> 00:37:07,789
Oh, you saved us. Ooh.

665
00:37:09,292 --> 00:37:12,294
Self-destruct in ten seconds.

666
00:37:12,295 --> 00:37:14,363
Wha...

667
00:37:14,364 --> 00:37:15,531
Stay with the ship.

668
00:37:15,532 --> 00:37:16,532
What about you?

669
00:37:16,533 --> 00:37:17,766
I'll be back.

670
00:37:17,767 --> 00:37:19,868
Just make sure the shuttle's
ready to launch.

671
00:37:19,869 --> 00:37:23,171
Your asses will be blown
to oblivion.

672
00:37:23,172 --> 00:37:24,106
Your asses will be...

673
00:37:26,209 --> 00:37:27,743
The corridor collapsed.

674
00:37:27,744 --> 00:37:29,545
There's no other way
to the ship.

675
00:37:29,546 --> 00:37:31,980
Oh, my God,
we're all gonna die.

676
00:37:31,981 --> 00:37:33,315
We're all gonna die!

677
00:37:33,316 --> 00:37:35,016
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Don't worry.

678
00:37:35,017 --> 00:37:36,385
I'll think of something.

679
00:37:36,386 --> 00:37:39,221
I always do.

680
00:37:39,222 --> 00:37:42,524
Quick, everyone,
against the air lock.

681
00:37:46,896 --> 00:37:48,230
We're out of time.

682
00:37:48,231 --> 00:37:49,965
No one gets left behind.

683
00:37:58,975 --> 00:38:00,509
Whoa.

684
00:38:00,510 --> 00:38:01,744
Oh, my God.

685
00:38:01,745 --> 00:38:03,612
Sweet boneless Christ.

686
00:38:06,750 --> 00:38:08,450
It's kind of like
a spa treatment.

687
00:38:08,451 --> 00:38:09,451
Ugh!

688
00:38:09,452 --> 00:38:13,155
Thanks a lot, Harry.

689
00:38:25,101 --> 00:38:27,869
Whoo, Harry, that
was some badass shit, man.

690
00:38:27,870 --> 00:38:30,138
I know.

691
00:38:30,139 --> 00:38:32,441
I told ya
I'd think of something.

692
00:38:32,442 --> 00:38:33,609
So we got most of the fuel,

693
00:38:33,610 --> 00:38:35,177
but we picked up
an extra crew member.

694
00:38:36,546 --> 00:38:37,813
Sorry.

695
00:38:37,814 --> 00:38:41,016
Aw, dude, light a match,
will you?

696
00:38:41,017 --> 00:38:42,551
But at least everyone's safe,

697
00:38:42,552 --> 00:38:44,386
and we're continuing on
to the planetoid.

698
00:38:44,387 --> 00:38:47,389
What the hell did you think
you were doing up there?

699
00:38:47,390 --> 00:38:50,091
You could have compromised
the entire mission.

700
00:38:50,092 --> 00:38:51,794
Why don't you get off
my back, Washington?

701
00:38:51,795 --> 00:38:54,730
Oh, same old Harry,
always putting yourself

702
00:38:54,731 --> 00:38:56,031
ahead of the job.

703
00:38:56,032 --> 00:38:58,133
I don't want to have
to clean up after you

704
00:38:58,134 --> 00:38:59,935
like that time in Nicaragua.

705
00:39:05,174 --> 00:39:07,409
Sorry, General, we just don't
have the time for a flashback.

706
00:39:09,446 --> 00:39:11,480
Damn it,
this isn't over, Harry.

707
00:39:11,481 --> 00:39:12,948
Just let me do my job.

708
00:39:12,949 --> 00:39:14,350
Bottoms out.

709
00:39:14,351 --> 00:39:15,784
It's out
of our hands, General.

710
00:39:15,785 --> 00:39:17,018
We've got to trust him.

711
00:39:17,019 --> 00:39:18,687
No, we don't.

712
00:39:18,688 --> 00:39:22,924
I've got a big surprise in store
for Harry Bottoms.

713
00:39:22,925 --> 00:39:25,594
Surprise? What are you
talking about, General?

714
00:39:40,910 --> 00:39:44,847
It's some gentle soaps
and bath oils.

715
00:39:44,848 --> 00:39:47,115
Mm, that is nice.

716
00:39:47,116 --> 00:39:48,116
Mm.

717
00:39:48,117 --> 00:39:50,952
And it's lavender.

718
00:39:50,953 --> 00:39:53,555
Planetoid dead ahead.

719
00:39:56,192 --> 00:39:58,159
Remember, it's going
to be a rough ride

720
00:39:58,160 --> 00:39:59,762
to the surface
of the planetoid,

721
00:39:59,763 --> 00:40:02,664
so brace yourself.

722
00:40:02,665 --> 00:40:04,733
All right,
hang on, everyone.

723
00:40:04,734 --> 00:40:07,969
This is where the fecal matter
hits the spinning blades.

724
00:40:20,082 --> 00:40:22,017
Incoming.

725
00:40:25,522 --> 00:40:26,522
Ooh.

726
00:40:26,523 --> 00:40:27,523
Hello.

727
00:40:27,524 --> 00:40:28,524
Whoo.

728
00:40:28,525 --> 00:40:32,027
I need help sealing this breach.

729
00:40:32,028 --> 00:40:33,094
What?

730
00:40:33,095 --> 00:40:36,231
Oh, yeah.
Donkey, plug that hole.

731
00:40:36,232 --> 00:40:38,767
Sure enough, Harry.

732
00:40:40,036 --> 00:40:41,837
No, no, the window.

733
00:40:41,838 --> 00:40:44,072
Oh, my bad.

734
00:40:44,073 --> 00:40:49,210
Looks like I'm gonna have
to do this Compton style.

735
00:40:54,083 --> 00:40:55,183
Nice going, Donkey.

736
00:40:55,184 --> 00:40:57,686
We're not out of this yet.
Hold on.

737
00:41:05,862 --> 00:41:10,265
You came from
out of the blue.

738
00:41:24,647 --> 00:41:27,315
It feels like the gravity
is the same as the Earth's.

739
00:41:27,316 --> 00:41:30,686
I've been making
some calculations.

740
00:41:30,687 --> 00:41:33,054
There's a 0.31425% chance

741
00:41:33,055 --> 00:41:35,724
that we could breathe
this atmosphere.

742
00:41:35,725 --> 00:41:37,759
There's only one way
to find out.

743
00:41:45,334 --> 00:41:47,235
Definitely breathable.

744
00:41:47,236 --> 00:41:50,672
Helmets off, everybody.

745
00:41:50,673 --> 00:41:51,707
Whew.

746
00:41:51,708 --> 00:41:52,941
Much better.

747
00:41:56,078 --> 00:41:57,379
Wait a minute.

748
00:41:57,380 --> 00:41:59,414
According to this map,
we missed the landing site

749
00:41:59,415 --> 00:42:01,082
by over ten miles.

750
00:42:01,083 --> 00:42:04,319
That hull breach
must have thrown us off course.

751
00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:05,621
But on the bright side,

752
00:42:05,622 --> 00:42:07,088
we did get
to see Hanukah's boobies.

753
00:42:07,089 --> 00:42:08,089
I heard that.

754
00:42:08,090 --> 00:42:09,457
Come on.

755
00:42:09,458 --> 00:42:13,395
Back on the ship, everyone.

756
00:42:21,003 --> 00:42:22,304
Enter type of deposit.

757
00:42:22,305 --> 00:42:24,273
Take a crap.

758
00:42:26,209 --> 00:42:27,809
Please reenter type
of deposit.

759
00:42:27,810 --> 00:42:29,211
Pinch a loaf.

760
00:42:31,047 --> 00:42:33,282
Please reenter type
of deposit.

761
00:43:02,945 --> 00:43:04,580
Blockage detected.

762
00:43:04,581 --> 00:43:06,482
Blockage detected.

763
00:43:06,483 --> 00:43:08,584
Blockage reversal in 5,

764
00:43:08,585 --> 00:43:12,187
4, 3, 2, 1.

765
00:43:28,871 --> 00:43:31,340
Blockage reversal completed.

766
00:43:35,178 --> 00:43:37,779
General, left hand,
yellow...

767
00:43:37,780 --> 00:43:39,648
Oh, I quit!

768
00:43:39,649 --> 00:43:41,082
Get me Harry.

769
00:43:41,083 --> 00:43:42,351
They're out of radio contact

770
00:43:42,352 --> 00:43:44,386
until the planetoid
passes the moon.

771
00:43:44,387 --> 00:43:45,954
Damn it, Houston.

772
00:43:45,955 --> 00:43:48,257
I need to know
what's going on up there.

773
00:43:48,258 --> 00:43:50,792
They should be drilling
the first hole by now.

774
00:43:50,793 --> 00:43:53,395
They'll be planting two nukes
at opposite ends

775
00:43:53,396 --> 00:43:55,364
of the largest volcano
on the planetoid.

776
00:43:55,365 --> 00:43:58,333
When detonated, the nukes
will cause a massive eruption

777
00:43:58,334 --> 00:44:01,436
that should rocket the planetoid
safely away from the Earth.

778
00:44:01,437 --> 00:44:04,105
What's the status
on the ship, Kirk?

779
00:44:04,106 --> 00:44:10,412
We took some damage
during...that landing.

780
00:44:10,413 --> 00:44:12,080
Well, fix it!

781
00:44:12,081 --> 00:44:13,215
People, we need
to find a way

782
00:44:13,216 --> 00:44:14,749
to get the ship
to the drill site.

783
00:44:14,750 --> 00:44:16,652
Well, can't we
just fly there, man?

784
00:44:16,653 --> 00:44:18,787
We've only got enough fuel
left on the ship

785
00:44:18,788 --> 00:44:19,721
to get us back home.

786
00:44:20,790 --> 00:44:22,424
What about the BM Man?

787
00:44:22,425 --> 00:44:23,692
Maybe he can help.

788
00:44:26,796 --> 00:44:28,863
Video system...

789
00:44:30,667 --> 00:44:31,800
Wait a minute.

790
00:44:31,801 --> 00:44:33,768
How do we know
he won't kill us all?

791
00:44:33,769 --> 00:44:35,437
He's been reprogrammed. See.

792
00:44:38,140 --> 00:44:40,842
Well, things couldn't get
much worse than they are now.

793
00:44:52,755 --> 00:44:56,458
Hello,
all you beautiful people.

794
00:44:56,459 --> 00:44:58,594
Obviously, I'm lying.

795
00:44:58,595 --> 00:45:00,262
Okay, things are worse.

796
00:45:00,263 --> 00:45:02,997
BM Man, we've landed
miles off target.

797
00:45:02,998 --> 00:45:04,132
Can you help us?

798
00:45:04,133 --> 00:45:06,668
Honey, Target would be
a step up for you.

799
00:45:06,669 --> 00:45:10,004
My God, you look like you've
been rode hard and put away wet.

800
00:45:10,005 --> 00:45:15,644
Oh, and this ship,
don't get me started.

801
00:45:15,645 --> 00:45:18,614
Crossing left.

802
00:45:18,615 --> 00:45:19,848
How about we just

803
00:45:19,849 --> 00:45:22,016
tow the ship
with the space golf cart?

804
00:45:22,017 --> 00:45:24,853
Nice, nice. Dusting.
Anyway...

805
00:45:24,854 --> 00:45:27,122
Good idea.

806
00:45:27,123 --> 00:45:29,691
Sandy, we're all set in here.

807
00:45:29,692 --> 00:45:30,959
You can start towing the ship.

808
00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:32,427
Roger.

809
00:45:41,704 --> 00:45:46,174
Nothing freshens up a place
like a nice picture.

810
00:45:46,175 --> 00:45:48,610
And presto.

811
00:45:48,611 --> 00:45:50,379
David, you stud.

812
00:45:50,380 --> 00:45:52,414
You were so fabulous off,
off, off Broadway,

813
00:45:52,415 --> 00:45:54,115
but even if you weren't,
what a hairpiece.

814
00:45:56,018 --> 00:45:58,654
<i>Excusez,</i> I am curious.

815
00:45:58,655 --> 00:46:01,590
Why is your robot gay?

816
00:46:01,591 --> 00:46:04,293
Well, we thought that
an effeminate personality

817
00:46:04,294 --> 00:46:05,827
would be more docile.

818
00:46:05,828 --> 00:46:07,496
I see.

819
00:46:07,497 --> 00:46:09,998
You do not know
many gay people, do you?

820
00:46:15,338 --> 00:46:16,672
Kirk here.

821
00:46:16,673 --> 00:46:18,507
This is Harry.
We've got a problem.

822
00:46:20,242 --> 00:46:21,710
What's the problem, Harry?

823
00:46:21,711 --> 00:46:24,279
See for yourself.

824
00:46:29,352 --> 00:46:32,454
<i>Mon dieu,</i> a tornado.

825
00:46:32,455 --> 00:46:34,589
And there's a tidal wave.

826
00:46:34,590 --> 00:46:37,058
Whew. Oh.

827
00:46:37,059 --> 00:46:38,893
But, my friends, question.

828
00:46:38,894 --> 00:46:40,696
If seems that if a planetoid

829
00:46:40,697 --> 00:46:43,665
with all these natural disasters
strikes the Earth,

830
00:46:43,666 --> 00:46:46,167
it would be...

831
00:46:46,168 --> 00:46:49,671
It will be
the ultimate disaster.

832
00:46:51,774 --> 00:46:54,443
I'm sorry; how did
the freak show up here?

833
00:46:54,444 --> 00:46:55,811
He's Steven Mocking.

834
00:46:55,812 --> 00:46:56,911
Damn it, Harry.

835
00:46:56,912 --> 00:46:58,413
According to the timetable,

836
00:46:58,414 --> 00:47:01,316
we should already be done
drilling the first hole.

837
00:47:01,317 --> 00:47:03,585
Well, we're not licked yet.

838
00:47:07,824 --> 00:47:09,858
Huh, I knew it.

839
00:47:09,859 --> 00:47:13,328
This type of rock has exactly
the right amount of springiness

840
00:47:13,329 --> 00:47:14,963
to propel us over the chasm

841
00:47:14,964 --> 00:47:17,866
if we hit it
at just the right angle.

842
00:47:17,867 --> 00:47:19,601
Unfortunately,
that will take us

843
00:47:19,602 --> 00:47:21,603
straight into the path
of that killer tornado.

844
00:47:21,604 --> 00:47:22,637
Wait, wait, wait.

845
00:47:22,638 --> 00:47:23,839
If we hit that tornado

846
00:47:23,840 --> 00:47:25,206
at just the right angle,

847
00:47:25,207 --> 00:47:27,409
it will slingshot us safely
around to the other side.

848
00:47:27,410 --> 00:47:29,611
Unfortunately, that's gonna
land us right in the middle

849
00:47:29,612 --> 00:47:31,012
of the shark-infested
tidal wave,

850
00:47:31,013 --> 00:47:32,013
which is a drag.

851
00:47:32,014 --> 00:47:33,382
No, not a problem.

852
00:47:33,383 --> 00:47:36,485
If we hit that tidal wave
at just the right angle,

853
00:47:36,486 --> 00:47:37,519
we skim the the surface

854
00:47:37,520 --> 00:47:39,521
like a skipping stone.

855
00:47:39,522 --> 00:47:41,656
Unfortunately, that will
crash us right into the side

856
00:47:41,657 --> 00:47:43,358
of that treacherous
mountain range.

857
00:47:43,359 --> 00:47:44,926
That's where I come in.

858
00:47:44,927 --> 00:47:47,328
If I can get the drill
at exactly the right angle,

859
00:47:47,329 --> 00:47:50,198
I can take us through
that mountain to the other side.

860
00:47:50,199 --> 00:47:51,767
And that should take us

861
00:47:51,768 --> 00:47:53,935
right to the base
of the volcano

862
00:47:53,936 --> 00:47:55,437
and the first drill site.

863
00:47:55,438 --> 00:47:57,939
That's brilliant.

864
00:47:57,940 --> 00:48:01,142
It's so brilliant,
it just might work.

865
00:48:02,378 --> 00:48:04,613
Yay team!

866
00:48:04,614 --> 00:48:06,448
Ooh, that's what
I'm talking about.

867
00:48:06,449 --> 00:48:08,149
Well, Donkey,
you're our point man.

868
00:48:08,150 --> 00:48:09,951
You know what to do.

869
00:48:09,952 --> 00:48:12,353
All right, here are
the calculations.

870
00:48:12,354 --> 00:48:14,890
Remember, you have to hit
every disaster

871
00:48:14,891 --> 00:48:17,526
at precisely
the correct angle,

872
00:48:17,527 --> 00:48:19,027
or we all die horribly.

873
00:48:19,028 --> 00:48:20,729
You can count on me, Harry.

874
00:48:24,734 --> 00:48:25,767
Oh.

875
00:48:28,571 --> 00:48:30,539
Ready, Donk?

876
00:48:30,540 --> 00:48:33,842
All right,
hang on, everyone.

877
00:48:33,843 --> 00:48:38,513
This could be a bumpy ride.

878
00:49:29,765 --> 00:49:33,467
That was some
nice driving, Mellons.

879
00:49:33,468 --> 00:49:35,136
All right, everybody,
back in the ship.

880
00:49:35,137 --> 00:49:36,137
We need to review the plan.

881
00:49:36,138 --> 00:49:37,205
V.D., quit horsing around!

882
00:49:37,206 --> 00:49:38,873
Come on, pussy.

883
00:49:43,245 --> 00:49:44,913
And that's how it works.

884
00:49:44,914 --> 00:49:47,281
Now, Hanukah, you and Donkey
will drill the holes

885
00:49:47,282 --> 00:49:48,817
for the nuclear warheads.

886
00:49:48,818 --> 00:49:50,151
Sandy, V.D.,

887
00:49:50,152 --> 00:49:53,221
you will be using the BM Man
to plant the warheads.

888
00:49:53,222 --> 00:49:54,989
I've given a war head.

889
00:49:54,990 --> 00:49:56,725
Kirk, Bidet,

890
00:49:56,726 --> 00:49:59,094
you'll continue repairing
the ship, understood?

891
00:49:59,095 --> 00:50:00,328
What about you, Harry?

892
00:50:00,329 --> 00:50:04,465
I'll be supervising,
of course.

893
00:50:04,466 --> 00:50:07,568
All right, people,
let's get to work.

894
00:50:19,548 --> 00:50:23,118
You know, this might go faster
if you did some of the lifting.

895
00:50:23,119 --> 00:50:24,285
Blah, blah, blah.

896
00:50:24,286 --> 00:50:26,087
You know I can't go near
that golf cart.

897
00:50:26,088 --> 00:50:27,488
Pussy.

898
00:50:27,489 --> 00:50:28,422
Bitch.

899
00:50:31,660 --> 00:50:37,531
You and me,
oh, baby, can't you see?

900
00:50:40,136 --> 00:50:42,503
This drill bit's shot.

901
00:50:42,504 --> 00:50:44,672
That's the third drill bit
we've blown through.

902
00:50:44,673 --> 00:50:46,241
We only have one left.

903
00:50:46,242 --> 00:50:48,376
Then nothing better happen
to this one.

904
00:50:51,180 --> 00:50:53,948
Sandy, can I ask you something?

905
00:50:53,949 --> 00:50:55,150
I know what you're gonna say.

906
00:50:55,151 --> 00:50:57,485
And, no, size
doesn't matter to me.

907
00:50:57,486 --> 00:50:59,854
No, no, no,
not that.

908
00:50:59,855 --> 00:51:02,991
Sandy Mellons,
will you marry me?

909
00:51:02,992 --> 00:51:06,761
Oh, V.D., you've made me
the happiest woman

910
00:51:06,762 --> 00:51:09,563
on this killer planetoid.

911
00:51:10,732 --> 00:51:12,366
Hey, what's going on?

912
00:51:12,367 --> 00:51:13,902
Hanukah, look.

913
00:51:13,903 --> 00:51:16,504
Oh, my God,
you're so lucky.

914
00:51:16,505 --> 00:51:19,674
I know.
V.D.'s such a great guy.

915
00:51:19,675 --> 00:51:22,944
Who cares about him?
That diamond's huge.

916
00:51:25,014 --> 00:51:26,714
Where'd you get a ring
that big?

917
00:51:26,715 --> 00:51:29,284
Oh, that diamond was just laying
around in the back, you know,

918
00:51:29,285 --> 00:51:31,920
in some laser guidance
something or other.

919
00:51:31,921 --> 00:51:33,554
I'm sure
nobody's gonna notice.

920
00:51:33,555 --> 00:51:35,356
Hmm, I know one thing.

921
00:51:35,357 --> 00:51:36,624
If Harry sees that ring,

922
00:51:36,625 --> 00:51:39,160
you're gonna be
one dead honky mofo.

923
00:51:39,161 --> 00:51:43,331
Harry.
Shit, you're right.

924
00:51:43,332 --> 00:51:49,270
V.D., this is the nicest thing
that anyone's ever given me.

925
00:51:49,271 --> 00:51:51,840
Uh, that's great, honey.
Can I have it back now?

926
00:51:51,841 --> 00:51:54,108
- Oh, you want it back?
- Yeah.

927
00:51:54,109 --> 00:51:56,244
Sure.

928
00:51:56,245 --> 00:51:57,645
Give it to him.

929
00:51:58,948 --> 00:51:59,881
Keep it!

930
00:52:02,218 --> 00:52:04,185
It's all yours, buddy boy.

931
00:52:04,186 --> 00:52:08,323
Well, I'm pretty sure
Harry won't find that ring now.

932
00:52:10,926 --> 00:52:12,626
I need you to attach
the drill bit.

933
00:52:12,627 --> 00:52:14,062
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

934
00:52:14,063 --> 00:52:15,796
Now, let me
get this straight...

935
00:52:15,797 --> 00:52:17,431
and I use the term loosely.

936
00:52:17,432 --> 00:52:20,368
When you finish drilling
these holes,

937
00:52:20,369 --> 00:52:23,571
you're gonna
leave me behind,

938
00:52:23,572 --> 00:52:26,707
and I'll have to plant those
nasty old nuclear warheads?

939
00:52:26,708 --> 00:52:28,776
Uh, well,
that's the plan, yeah.

940
00:52:28,777 --> 00:52:31,846
And this is
your last drill bit?

941
00:52:31,847 --> 00:52:33,281
It looks that way.

942
00:52:33,282 --> 00:52:34,582
I'm out of here.

943
00:52:34,583 --> 00:52:36,918
Crap!

944
00:52:36,919 --> 00:52:38,452
BM Man's running loose.

945
00:52:38,453 --> 00:52:41,055
He's taken the drill bit,
and we're almost out of time.

946
00:52:50,399 --> 00:52:52,166
Look at the stars
out tonight.

947
00:53:03,745 --> 00:53:09,317
Try Cola 1.
It's wet.

948
00:53:09,318 --> 00:53:11,219
Houston, get me Dallas.

949
00:53:11,220 --> 00:53:13,154
I need to talk to Washington.

950
00:53:13,155 --> 00:53:15,123
I'm running the other way now.

951
00:53:18,660 --> 00:53:19,860
That's our situation.

952
00:53:19,861 --> 00:53:20,995
What are my orders?

953
00:53:20,996 --> 00:53:23,164
I can't give Bottoms
any more time.

954
00:53:23,165 --> 00:53:26,935
Kirk, initiate
plan delta tau chi.

955
00:53:26,936 --> 00:53:32,473
You want me to kill all
the women and rape all the men?

956
00:53:32,474 --> 00:53:36,844
Oops, sorry.

957
00:53:36,845 --> 00:53:39,613
I meant plan dealt tau pi.

958
00:53:39,614 --> 00:53:41,015
Detonate the nukes.

959
00:53:41,016 --> 00:53:43,184
Understood.
Kirk out.

960
00:53:43,185 --> 00:53:48,056
I get those two
confused sometimes.

961
00:53:50,960 --> 00:53:52,427
Easy.

962
00:53:52,428 --> 00:53:55,863
There is no way on Pluto
I'm gonna plant those nukes.

963
00:53:55,864 --> 00:53:57,098
Well, I'll tell you what.

964
00:53:57,099 --> 00:53:59,233
Give us back
the nice drill bit,

965
00:53:59,234 --> 00:54:01,802
and you won't have to
plant the nukes.

966
00:54:01,803 --> 00:54:03,838
Really?

967
00:54:03,839 --> 00:54:06,140
Well, look who just turned
into Monty Hall.

968
00:54:06,141 --> 00:54:10,911
Gee, Harry,
you are the peachiest.

969
00:54:12,714 --> 00:54:13,982
Ow, bully!

970
00:54:13,983 --> 00:54:16,817
I'll be falling
in love with you.

971
00:54:16,818 --> 00:54:18,019
Okay, that takes care
of that.

972
00:54:18,020 --> 00:54:19,420
Now let's get back to work.

973
00:54:21,023 --> 00:54:22,323
Oh, my God.

974
00:54:22,324 --> 00:54:24,092
Harry? You all right?

975
00:54:24,093 --> 00:54:27,128
I think I'm okay.

976
00:54:27,129 --> 00:54:29,197
My heart should start
back up any second.

977
00:54:29,198 --> 00:54:31,466
Hey, at least you've got
the drill bit back.

978
00:54:32,634 --> 00:54:34,702
<i>Merde.</i>

979
00:54:34,703 --> 00:54:37,972
It's like this planetoid knows
we're trying to kill it.

980
00:54:37,973 --> 00:54:40,408
Oh, my God,
it knows?

981
00:54:40,409 --> 00:54:41,509
Who told?

982
00:54:43,979 --> 00:54:45,946
To repeat, the crew
of the Cola 1

983
00:54:45,947 --> 00:54:47,715
seems to have
failed miserably.

984
00:54:47,716 --> 00:54:50,418
We take you now to
Chip Chatsworth in the field.

985
00:54:52,888 --> 00:54:54,588
We're making
cream now, baby,

986
00:54:54,589 --> 00:54:56,357
making the cream.

987
00:54:56,358 --> 00:54:59,693
Oh, my God, what you've got,
like 12 nipples?

988
00:55:07,702 --> 00:55:09,470
Are we on?

989
00:55:09,471 --> 00:55:13,274
Uh, Kathy, all is quiet
on this ranch.

990
00:55:13,275 --> 00:55:14,675
Glad to here it, Chip.

991
00:55:14,676 --> 00:55:18,246
And now with only hours left
before the destruction of Earth,

992
00:55:18,247 --> 00:55:20,948
I have much better things to do
than talk to you yahoos.

993
00:55:20,949 --> 00:55:23,451
This is Kathy Reynolds
saying eat me,

994
00:55:23,452 --> 00:55:25,286
you loser bastards.

995
00:55:27,122 --> 00:55:30,224
Donkey, Hanukah,
see if you can find something

996
00:55:30,225 --> 00:55:31,725
we can use to drill with.

997
00:55:31,726 --> 00:55:34,195
We're on it, Harry.

998
00:55:34,196 --> 00:55:38,732
Well, better go in
and break the bad news to Guy.

999
00:55:40,969 --> 00:55:43,971
What the hell do you think
you're doing?

1000
00:55:45,040 --> 00:55:46,874
I've got no choice, Harry.

1001
00:55:46,875 --> 00:55:50,445
Now, you can either help me
or get out of my way.

1002
00:55:50,446 --> 00:55:54,014
Or choice three, we could kick
your sorry ass.

1003
00:56:02,157 --> 00:56:05,926
Look, I'm not gonna try
and stop you, Kirk,

1004
00:56:05,927 --> 00:56:08,229
but think about your wife
and kids.

1005
00:56:08,230 --> 00:56:11,099
That bitch took everything
in the divorce.

1006
00:56:11,100 --> 00:56:12,233
Okay, okay,
bad example.

1007
00:56:12,234 --> 00:56:14,235
But if you set off
those nukes now,

1008
00:56:14,236 --> 00:56:15,536
you're writing
a death sentence

1009
00:56:15,537 --> 00:56:17,871
for every single person
back on Earth.

1010
00:56:17,872 --> 00:56:20,308
Now, tell me, can you live
with that on your conscience?

1011
00:56:20,309 --> 00:56:23,411
You can't drill
without a drill bit, Harry.

1012
00:56:23,412 --> 00:56:24,645
Damn it, man.

1013
00:56:24,646 --> 00:56:25,679
Don't get bogged down

1014
00:56:25,680 --> 00:56:26,814
on technicalities.

1015
00:56:26,815 --> 00:56:29,250
I promise you,
we will get this job done.

1016
00:56:29,251 --> 00:56:32,253
Do you swear
on your daughter's life?

1017
00:56:32,254 --> 00:56:34,888
If I'm wrong,
I'll kill her myself.

1018
00:56:34,889 --> 00:56:39,360
Well, all right then.
Let's disarm those nukes.

1019
00:56:39,361 --> 00:56:41,996
I got you, you fascist
son of a bitch.

1020
00:56:41,997 --> 00:56:43,331
What are you doing, V.D.?

1021
00:56:43,332 --> 00:56:45,833
Now Kirk can't disarm the nukes.

1022
00:56:45,834 --> 00:56:51,439
No, it's all right.
I'm okay.

1023
00:56:51,440 --> 00:56:53,541
Hey, come on now.

1024
00:56:53,542 --> 00:56:56,377
Oh, I can still do it.

1025
00:56:57,879 --> 00:56:59,780
I got him.

1026
00:56:59,781 --> 00:57:01,616
Am I talking to myself here?

1027
00:57:01,617 --> 00:57:04,352
We only got two minutes left
to disarm those nukes.

1028
00:57:04,353 --> 00:57:06,387
Well, why didn't you
say something?

1029
00:57:06,388 --> 00:57:09,457
I-I-But...

1030
00:57:09,458 --> 00:57:13,528
Uh-huh, this is
your lucky day, my friend.

1031
00:57:13,529 --> 00:57:16,830
I have disarmed
many nuclear weapon.

1032
00:57:20,335 --> 00:57:23,804
I just need to see
which color wire to cut.

1033
00:57:24,973 --> 00:57:26,240
<i>Mon dieu.</i>

1034
00:57:26,241 --> 00:57:27,941
Can I get some light over here?

1035
00:57:30,345 --> 00:57:33,013
The batteries are dead.

1036
00:57:33,014 --> 00:57:35,816
Why do Americans
always write these movies

1037
00:57:35,817 --> 00:57:37,851
where the fate
of the entire world

1038
00:57:37,852 --> 00:57:40,888
depends on cutting
a stupid wire?

1039
00:57:40,889 --> 00:57:42,156
Where is my light?

1040
00:57:42,157 --> 00:57:44,692
I got it.

1041
00:57:44,693 --> 00:57:47,628
<i>Sacre bleu, ma derrière.</i>

1042
00:57:47,629 --> 00:57:50,831
Bidet!

1043
00:57:54,736 --> 00:57:56,470
We've only got ten seconds left.

1044
00:57:59,675 --> 00:58:01,209
There's too many colors.

1045
00:58:01,210 --> 00:58:02,343
Five seconds.

1046
00:58:02,344 --> 00:58:05,179
Think. Which one?

1047
00:58:05,180 --> 00:58:06,847
Two seconds.

1048
00:58:06,848 --> 00:58:07,848
I love you, Sandy.

1049
00:58:07,849 --> 00:58:09,016
Zip it!

1050
00:58:09,017 --> 00:58:11,385
Harry, cut the damn wire.

1051
00:58:23,632 --> 00:58:27,301
What? I told you I was
a nuclear scientologist. Duh.

1052
00:58:27,302 --> 00:58:29,237
Well, that's it.

1053
00:58:29,238 --> 00:58:32,506
We're all gonna die.
Game over, man.

1054
00:58:32,507 --> 00:58:34,007
Game over.

1055
00:58:36,077 --> 00:58:38,312
ASSA, this is Harry Bottoms.

1056
00:58:38,313 --> 00:58:40,281
I just wanted to tell you
we're still alive.

1057
00:58:40,282 --> 00:58:42,883
We're gonna get the job done.

1058
00:58:42,884 --> 00:58:43,917
Bottoms out.

1059
00:58:49,391 --> 00:58:50,824
Way to go, guys.

1060
00:58:52,527 --> 00:58:54,495
We'll call in
to the president.

1061
00:58:59,234 --> 00:59:02,670
Please tell me you've found
something to drill with.

1062
00:59:02,671 --> 00:59:05,306
Hanukah gave me something
that just might do the trick.

1063
00:59:05,307 --> 00:59:06,407
What the...

1064
00:59:08,910 --> 00:59:13,113
What? It gets lonely
out in space.

1065
00:59:13,114 --> 00:59:14,114
In overtime...

1066
00:59:14,115 --> 00:59:15,316
- Miss.
- For the win...

1067
00:59:15,317 --> 00:59:16,517
No win.

1068
00:59:16,518 --> 00:59:18,886
- Ah.
- Yes!

1069
00:59:18,887 --> 00:59:20,988
This just in
from the planetoid.

1070
00:59:20,989 --> 00:59:23,591
Cola 1's chances of success
have been upgraded

1071
00:59:23,592 --> 00:59:27,695
from hopeless
to near hopeless.

1072
00:59:30,565 --> 00:59:32,533
How's that
first hole coming, Donk?

1073
00:59:32,534 --> 00:59:36,170
Just one more thrust.

1074
00:59:36,171 --> 00:59:37,772
Yes!

1075
00:59:37,773 --> 00:59:39,940
Harry, we've got a problem.

1076
00:59:39,941 --> 00:59:42,009
You better get back here, man.

1077
00:59:42,010 --> 00:59:44,211
All right,
what's the problem?

1078
00:59:44,212 --> 00:59:45,446
It's Kirk.

1079
00:59:49,818 --> 00:59:51,519
Oh, my god.

1080
00:59:51,520 --> 00:59:52,653
Dear Lord,

1081
00:59:52,654 --> 00:59:53,921
he's become
a drooling idiot.

1082
00:59:53,922 --> 00:59:55,222
Look at him.

1083
00:59:55,223 --> 00:59:57,991
He's in no shape
to repair the ship.

1084
00:59:57,992 --> 00:59:59,059
And if the ship isn't fixed,

1085
00:59:59,060 --> 01:00:00,294
we're gonna be all blown
to hell

1086
01:00:00,295 --> 01:00:01,495
just like this planetoid.

1087
01:00:03,799 --> 01:00:06,066
Oh, my God.

1088
01:00:06,067 --> 01:00:07,535
What are we gonna do, Harry?

1089
01:00:07,536 --> 01:00:08,836
Damn it.

1090
01:00:08,837 --> 01:00:10,270
Well, it looks
like we're screwed.

1091
01:00:10,271 --> 01:00:12,272
There's no one left
who could fix the ship.

1092
01:00:12,273 --> 01:00:14,041
Um, excuse me.

1093
01:00:14,042 --> 01:00:15,643
What about Sandy?

1094
01:00:15,644 --> 01:00:17,044
She knows how to fly
the damn thing.

1095
01:00:17,045 --> 01:00:18,346
She doesn't know
how to fix them.

1096
01:00:18,347 --> 01:00:20,614
Hello.

1097
01:00:20,615 --> 01:00:24,017
If only we had
a rocket scientist on board.

1098
01:00:24,018 --> 01:00:27,287
You guys, I'm totally, like,
what you just said.

1099
01:00:27,288 --> 01:00:29,056
Oh, yeah, that's right.

1100
01:00:29,057 --> 01:00:30,190
Can you fix it?

1101
01:00:30,191 --> 01:00:32,426
Just hand me that hammer.

1102
01:00:34,229 --> 01:00:35,896
Get in.
We're almost out of time.

1103
01:00:35,897 --> 01:00:38,532
And we've got to go help Donkey
plant the second nuke.

1104
01:00:38,533 --> 01:00:41,268
You know, I can't get
into the golf cart, Harry.

1105
01:00:41,269 --> 01:00:42,536
Aw, shit, that's right.

1106
01:00:42,537 --> 01:00:43,771
The old childhood trauma thing.

1107
01:00:43,772 --> 01:00:45,740
Yeah, I remember that flashback.
Sorry, man.

1108
01:00:45,741 --> 01:00:47,274
All right, well, here,
hold on to this.

1109
01:00:47,275 --> 01:00:48,709
What's this for?

1110
01:00:51,780 --> 01:00:53,681
Whoa!

1111
01:00:53,682 --> 01:00:56,316
Sandy to Cola 1.
The first nuke is set.

1112
01:00:56,317 --> 01:00:58,986
I'm heading back to the ship.

1113
01:01:04,292 --> 01:01:07,961
Of course, this always happens
when I'm PMSing.

1114
01:01:09,431 --> 01:01:10,364
Whoa!

1115
01:01:19,107 --> 01:01:20,775
Have you hit the right depth?

1116
01:01:20,776 --> 01:01:23,377
Just another few inches

1117
01:01:23,378 --> 01:01:24,912
and we'll be ready
to plant the...

1118
01:01:24,913 --> 01:01:25,946
Whoa!

1119
01:01:25,947 --> 01:01:27,715
Donkey!

1120
01:01:29,217 --> 01:01:32,119
Hey, are you okay
down there, man?

1121
01:01:36,157 --> 01:01:38,426
I'm okay.

1122
01:01:38,427 --> 01:01:41,161
Hold tight.
We'll throw you a rope.

1123
01:01:41,162 --> 01:01:42,530
You'd better hurry.

1124
01:01:42,531 --> 01:01:44,765
Something tells me
I'm not alone down here.

1125
01:01:49,504 --> 01:01:51,138
Whoa.

1126
01:01:51,139 --> 01:01:52,940
You'd better hurry up
with that rope.

1127
01:01:52,941 --> 01:01:55,976
I don't like
the looks of this.

1128
01:01:55,977 --> 01:01:57,778
What the hell?

1129
01:02:02,984 --> 01:02:06,320
Space monkey!

1130
01:02:06,321 --> 01:02:08,656
Whoa, okay,
that's a big monkey.

1131
01:02:08,657 --> 01:02:11,358
Oh, my God,
there's no way we can save him.

1132
01:02:11,359 --> 01:02:13,928
Just watch me.

1133
01:02:17,766 --> 01:02:19,600
Space monkey!

1134
01:02:28,376 --> 01:02:30,277
Don't ever do that again.

1135
01:02:30,278 --> 01:02:33,714
Sorry, Harry, but you've got
a pretty nice ass.

1136
01:02:35,283 --> 01:02:39,920
Get your stinking paws off him,
you damn dirty ape.

1137
01:02:40,989 --> 01:02:43,156
Space monkey.

1138
01:02:43,157 --> 01:02:46,126
Wh-whoa.

1139
01:02:46,127 --> 01:02:47,962
Somebody help.

1140
01:02:47,963 --> 01:02:49,797
This is Sandy.
I'm trapped.

1141
01:02:58,072 --> 01:03:00,207
Can anyone read me?

1142
01:03:00,208 --> 01:03:02,042
I'm surrounded by lava.

1143
01:03:02,043 --> 01:03:05,245
Yo, Harry, your daughter's
on the walkie-talkie.

1144
01:03:05,246 --> 01:03:06,780
It sounds like
she might be in trouble.

1145
01:03:06,781 --> 01:03:08,582
V.D., I'm a little busy
right now.

1146
01:03:08,583 --> 01:03:10,250
I need you to climb
into that golf cart

1147
01:03:10,251 --> 01:03:12,019
and go save my little girl.

1148
01:03:12,020 --> 01:03:13,687
How many times
do I got to tell you?

1149
01:03:13,688 --> 01:03:15,422
I don't do golf carts!

1150
01:03:15,423 --> 01:03:16,624
Now you listen to me.

1151
01:03:16,625 --> 01:03:18,158
We've had our differences
in the past,

1152
01:03:18,159 --> 01:03:19,627
but I know that deep down,

1153
01:03:19,628 --> 01:03:23,397
you have the strength to be
the hero I know you can be.

1154
01:03:23,398 --> 01:03:24,431
Aw, shit.

1155
01:03:27,602 --> 01:03:29,136
I can do this.

1156
01:03:29,137 --> 01:03:30,871
I know I can do this.

1157
01:03:43,484 --> 01:03:47,021
No!

1158
01:03:47,022 --> 01:03:48,121
So much love

1159
01:03:48,122 --> 01:03:49,790
in dead sleep
when the sun comes up.

1160
01:03:49,791 --> 01:03:51,191
So lick it now,
lick it good,

1161
01:03:51,192 --> 01:03:52,660
lick this...
just like you should.

1162
01:03:52,661 --> 01:03:53,661
Yes!

1163
01:03:53,662 --> 01:03:54,695
Come on.

1164
01:03:54,696 --> 01:03:57,330
Hold tight, Sandy!
I'm coming!

1165
01:04:07,275 --> 01:04:10,644
Oh, V.D.

1166
01:04:10,645 --> 01:04:13,080
I'm gonna have to jump it.

1167
01:04:24,726 --> 01:04:26,493
Sandy.

1168
01:04:26,494 --> 01:04:29,897
Oh, I knew you'd save me.

1169
01:04:29,898 --> 01:04:32,633
Oh, no.

1170
01:04:32,634 --> 01:04:36,336
Damn, I always forget to set
the darn parking brake.

1171
01:04:49,150 --> 01:04:50,951
Hello.

1172
01:05:00,528 --> 01:05:03,731
I've never spanked a monkey
that big before.

1173
01:05:12,306 --> 01:05:14,775
I see a light.

1174
01:05:14,776 --> 01:05:17,878
I think it's a light.

1175
01:05:17,879 --> 01:05:20,948
Oh, Harry, you look
just wonderful in black.

1176
01:05:25,887 --> 01:05:27,154
So this is how it ends,

1177
01:05:27,155 --> 01:05:30,758
crushed to death
by a giant space monkey.

1178
01:05:36,597 --> 01:05:40,000
Nobody monkeys
with Donkey Dixon.

1179
01:05:40,001 --> 01:05:42,836
Hey, thanks, Dixon.

1180
01:05:42,837 --> 01:05:46,540
Now, let's plant that last nuke
and get the hell out of here.

1181
01:05:46,541 --> 01:05:48,341
Solid.

1182
01:05:50,311 --> 01:05:53,047
This is it then.

1183
01:05:53,048 --> 01:05:55,482
Now I'll never have a chance
to see a bestiality show

1184
01:05:55,483 --> 01:05:56,817
in Amsterdam.

1185
01:05:56,818 --> 01:05:59,486
Oh, it's gonna take a miracle
to save us now.

1186
01:05:59,487 --> 01:06:02,923
Look, up in the sky.

1187
01:06:02,924 --> 01:06:05,525
Ha-ha, hello, my friends.

1188
01:06:05,526 --> 01:06:07,661
As you can see, I have mastered
my flaming rocket fart.

1189
01:06:08,730 --> 01:06:10,764
Bidet, you're alive.

1190
01:06:10,765 --> 01:06:13,834
Hold on.
I'm coming to save you.

1191
01:06:15,170 --> 01:06:17,404
He's too high.

1192
01:06:17,405 --> 01:06:18,872
Wait, I'll have to get him
with this.

1193
01:06:21,309 --> 01:06:22,876
For luck.

1194
01:06:32,754 --> 01:06:35,022
Stop playing
with that hammer, Kirk.

1195
01:06:41,495 --> 01:06:42,696
All right, the nukes are set.

1196
01:06:42,697 --> 01:06:44,198
Have you finished the repairs?

1197
01:06:44,199 --> 01:06:45,398
Almost done.

1198
01:06:45,399 --> 01:06:46,867
We're back,

1199
01:06:46,868 --> 01:06:48,268
and we've brought a friend.

1200
01:06:48,269 --> 01:06:51,705
Hello, hello.
I'm alive, huh.

1201
01:06:51,706 --> 01:06:54,208
Bidet, you old frog.

1202
01:06:54,209 --> 01:06:56,043
It's almost good
to have you back.

1203
01:06:57,612 --> 01:06:58,779
Oopsy.

1204
01:06:58,780 --> 01:07:00,981
Good old Bidet.

1205
01:07:07,321 --> 01:07:11,291
Oh, my God, we're missing
a vital doohickey.

1206
01:07:11,292 --> 01:07:12,626
What is it?

1207
01:07:12,627 --> 01:07:15,428
It's the diamond
from the laser guidance system.

1208
01:07:15,429 --> 01:07:17,564
We can't take off
without it.

1209
01:07:17,565 --> 01:07:18,598
Hang on, hang on.

1210
01:07:18,599 --> 01:07:21,135
Here it is.

1211
01:07:22,637 --> 01:07:24,404
Okay.

1212
01:07:24,405 --> 01:07:28,142
Ew.

1213
01:07:28,143 --> 01:07:29,676
Okay, we're set.

1214
01:07:32,013 --> 01:07:33,147
Come in, ASSA.

1215
01:07:33,148 --> 01:07:34,148
Harry.

1216
01:07:34,149 --> 01:07:35,916
We've got you, buddy.

1217
01:07:35,917 --> 01:07:37,084
You're out of time.

1218
01:07:37,085 --> 01:07:39,153
You've got to set off
those nukes.

1219
01:07:39,154 --> 01:07:41,054
The timer for the nukes
is disabled.

1220
01:07:41,055 --> 01:07:43,690
Is there a way for us to
detonate the bombs from space?

1221
01:07:43,691 --> 01:07:44,724
No problem.

1222
01:07:44,725 --> 01:07:47,494
Just use
the remote detonators.

1223
01:07:47,495 --> 01:07:48,796
What remote detonators?

1224
01:07:48,797 --> 01:07:50,197
The ones I put
in this drawer

1225
01:07:50,198 --> 01:07:52,099
so I wouldn't forget
where they were.

1226
01:07:52,100 --> 01:07:53,767
See, they're right here...

1227
01:07:56,304 --> 01:07:57,604
Oh, damn.

1228
01:07:57,605 --> 01:07:59,873
It looks like one of you
is gonna have to stay behind

1229
01:07:59,874 --> 01:08:01,875
and detonate those nukes
by hand.

1230
01:08:01,876 --> 01:08:04,544
And you'd better decide fast,

1231
01:08:04,545 --> 01:08:06,013
because we've only got
ten minutes

1232
01:08:06,014 --> 01:08:08,015
before that planetoid
hits the Earth,

1233
01:08:08,016 --> 01:08:11,285
and we're all as screwed
as an altar boy in Boston.

1234
01:08:11,286 --> 01:08:13,153
We interrupt this program
for a message

1235
01:08:13,154 --> 01:08:14,855
from the president
of the United States.

1236
01:08:14,856 --> 01:08:17,490
<i>Hola,</i> American peoples.

1237
01:08:17,491 --> 01:08:19,659
As you know, very soon,

1238
01:08:19,660 --> 01:08:23,730
you will all die horrible,
horrible deaths.

1239
01:08:23,731 --> 01:08:26,666
However, you're going
to be very happy to hear

1240
01:08:26,667 --> 01:08:29,002
that I have
already started a program

1241
01:08:29,003 --> 01:08:31,238
to repopulate the planet.

1242
01:08:31,239 --> 01:08:35,309
And thanks to brave volunteers
like Ginger and Chantel,

1243
01:08:35,310 --> 01:08:38,879
I can confidently say
that the new American peoples

1244
01:08:38,880 --> 01:08:42,149
will be most better-looking
than the old ones.

1245
01:08:42,150 --> 01:08:47,020
So as the planetoid
painfully crushes the life

1246
01:08:47,021 --> 01:08:48,021
out of your body,

1247
01:08:48,022 --> 01:08:50,824
die happy,

1248
01:08:50,825 --> 01:08:54,027
knowing that your sacrifice
will ultimately lead

1249
01:08:54,028 --> 01:08:58,899
to a better future
for the human race.

1250
01:08:58,900 --> 01:08:59,833
Mm.

1251
01:09:05,240 --> 01:09:07,841
One of the seven of us
is gonna have to stay behind

1252
01:09:07,842 --> 01:09:09,243
and set off that nuke.

1253
01:09:09,244 --> 01:09:11,011
I think we should put it
to a vote.

1254
01:09:12,213 --> 01:09:15,682
V.D., you're up first.

1255
01:09:40,641 --> 01:09:43,576
You'll finally get to see Mama
up in heaven, sweetheart.

1256
01:09:47,581 --> 01:09:50,217
And the person voted
to stay behind is...

1257
01:09:50,218 --> 01:09:51,251
No, Harry.

1258
01:09:51,252 --> 01:09:52,652
I'm sorry, Harry.

1259
01:09:52,653 --> 01:09:54,354
You're going to have
to bring me your torch.

1260
01:09:54,355 --> 01:09:55,455
It's okay, pumpkin.

1261
01:09:55,456 --> 01:09:58,058
The tribe has spoken.

1262
01:09:58,059 --> 01:10:00,427
When you're ready,

1263
01:10:00,428 --> 01:10:02,029
just push this button,

1264
01:10:02,030 --> 01:10:03,964
and the nukes
will go off.

1265
01:10:07,135 --> 01:10:10,404
<i>Bonne chance,</i> Harry.

1266
01:10:10,405 --> 01:10:14,341
Harry, thanks for helping me
kill that space monkey.

1267
01:10:18,379 --> 01:10:25,753
Harry, I'm happy
that you're gonna die here.

1268
01:10:25,754 --> 01:10:27,187
Harry, I just...

1269
01:10:27,188 --> 01:10:31,191
I wanted you to know, man.
I voted for the French dude.

1270
01:10:31,192 --> 01:10:32,592
Thanks, V.D.

1271
01:10:32,593 --> 01:10:34,661
You're not such a bad guy
after all.

1272
01:10:34,662 --> 01:10:36,997
Daddy.

1273
01:10:36,998 --> 01:10:39,432
You...you called me daddy.

1274
01:10:39,433 --> 01:10:41,135
Oh, I'm so proud of you.

1275
01:10:41,136 --> 01:10:43,370
I'm changing my name
back to Bottoms.

1276
01:10:43,371 --> 01:10:44,938
No, no, Sandy.

1277
01:10:44,939 --> 01:10:47,007
I want you to be a Johnson.

1278
01:10:47,008 --> 01:10:49,209
Harry, do you mean that?

1279
01:10:49,210 --> 01:10:53,914
V.D., I want you to take care
of my little girl

1280
01:10:53,915 --> 01:10:55,048
when I'm gone.

1281
01:10:57,018 --> 01:10:58,986
You and me,
oh, baby, can't you see?

1282
01:10:58,987 --> 01:11:01,822
Hey, I said,
"When I'm gone."

1283
01:11:01,823 --> 01:11:04,024
Oh.

1284
01:11:04,025 --> 01:11:05,826
All right, now,
go get on that ship.

1285
01:11:05,827 --> 01:11:07,861
I can't believe
you're not coming with us.

1286
01:11:07,862 --> 01:11:09,062
I love you, Daddy.

1287
01:11:09,063 --> 01:11:10,164
Don't worry, Harry.

1288
01:11:10,165 --> 01:11:12,632
You'll think of something.

1289
01:11:12,633 --> 01:11:16,904
Great. Okay, well, I'll just
sit here and think of something.

1290
01:11:16,905 --> 01:11:18,839
We're clear.

1291
01:11:23,511 --> 01:11:26,180
It's all up to Harry now.

1292
01:11:45,033 --> 01:11:47,500
Come on, Harry.
Come on, Harry.

1293
01:11:50,438 --> 01:11:52,172
I must think of something.

1294
01:11:52,173 --> 01:11:55,809
I must think of something,
and I think...

1295
01:11:55,810 --> 01:11:59,179
It's on the tip
of my tongue.

1296
01:12:09,257 --> 01:12:11,325
Goddamn trespassers.

1297
01:12:11,326 --> 01:12:12,893
Angel, come here, boy.

1298
01:12:14,062 --> 01:12:17,064
Get 'em, boy.

1299
01:12:20,068 --> 01:12:22,035
Sweet Rapture.

1300
01:12:29,944 --> 01:12:31,544
Think of something.
Think of something.

1301
01:12:31,545 --> 01:12:33,713
Come on, I always think
of something.

1302
01:12:33,714 --> 01:12:35,249
Ah, to hell with it.

1303
01:12:48,096 --> 01:12:51,498
Oh, we're saved.

1304
01:13:01,776 --> 01:13:05,578
Now, that's the power
of rock and roll, man.

1305
01:13:05,579 --> 01:13:08,615
It's a killer,
killer planetoid.

1306
01:13:08,616 --> 01:13:12,419
It's a killer planetoid.

1307
01:13:18,126 --> 01:13:21,428
It seems Cola 1
has saved the Earth.

1308
01:13:21,429 --> 01:13:23,030
Well, this show must go on.

1309
01:13:24,299 --> 01:13:25,399
Ladies and gentlemen...

1310
01:13:38,179 --> 01:13:39,646
I love you, man.

1311
01:13:39,647 --> 01:13:40,948
He did it.

1312
01:13:40,949 --> 01:13:41,982
Yes.

1313
01:13:41,983 --> 01:13:43,616
Harry saved us all.

1314
01:13:43,617 --> 01:13:46,186
He was one fly pimp daddy.

1315
01:13:46,187 --> 01:13:50,157
<i>Mes amis,</i> I think we
should take a moment of silence

1316
01:13:50,158 --> 01:13:51,358
for our dear friend.

1317
01:13:55,596 --> 01:13:58,531
Oh, that looked a lot
like Harry.

1318
01:13:58,532 --> 01:13:59,766
That was Harry.

1319
01:13:59,767 --> 01:14:01,201
Turn this ship around.

1320
01:14:01,202 --> 01:14:03,870
I can catch him
before he enters the atmosphere.

1321
01:14:03,871 --> 01:14:06,206
Better make it fast.
He'll burn up.

1322
01:14:16,384 --> 01:14:17,584
We've got eight seconds.

1323
01:14:23,191 --> 01:14:24,324
You're losing him.

1324
01:14:24,325 --> 01:14:27,660
No one gets left behind
on my watch.

1325
01:14:27,661 --> 01:14:29,129
Better hurry up.

1326
01:14:29,130 --> 01:14:30,597
It's getting
kind of hot out here.

1327
01:14:31,665 --> 01:14:32,665
Got him!

1328
01:14:32,666 --> 01:14:34,334
Okay, let me go.
Let me go.

1329
01:14:35,436 --> 01:14:36,436
Ow.

1330
01:14:36,437 --> 01:14:38,238
He's in.

1331
01:14:38,239 --> 01:14:39,939
Donkey, get to the air lock.

1332
01:14:51,952 --> 01:14:53,953
Harry,
that was incredible.

1333
01:14:53,954 --> 01:14:55,355
Thanks.

1334
01:14:55,356 --> 01:14:56,423
I mean, thanks.

1335
01:14:56,424 --> 01:14:58,325
Uh, thanks.

1336
01:14:58,326 --> 01:15:00,093
Well, I told you
I'd think of something.

1337
01:15:00,094 --> 01:15:01,828
The captain has turned on

1338
01:15:01,829 --> 01:15:03,997
the entering
the Earth's atmosphere sign.

1339
01:15:03,998 --> 01:15:05,432
Prepare for landing.

1340
01:15:05,433 --> 01:15:08,335
Just let me take care
of something first.

1341
01:15:13,274 --> 01:15:14,408
You.

1342
01:15:14,409 --> 01:15:16,443
Sure enough.

1343
01:15:22,517 --> 01:15:24,584
I love you, Sandy.

1344
01:15:24,585 --> 01:15:25,919
I want your baby.

1345
01:15:25,920 --> 01:15:27,820
Boo ya.

1346
01:15:32,960 --> 01:15:33,893
Boo ya.

1347
01:15:42,403 --> 01:15:43,603
I love you, Hanukah.

1348
01:15:43,604 --> 01:15:45,072
Boo ya.

1349
01:15:45,073 --> 01:15:46,440
I love you, Sandy.

1350
01:15:46,441 --> 01:15:47,807
I want your baby. Boo ya.

1351
01:15:52,980 --> 01:15:55,382
<i>Fantastique, Frenchie.</i>

1352
01:15:55,383 --> 01:15:57,016
Congratulations, Harry.

1353
01:15:57,017 --> 01:15:58,618
I knew you could do it.

1354
01:15:58,619 --> 01:16:00,920
Brought you back
a little souvenir.

1355
01:16:00,921 --> 01:16:02,021
Thanks, Harry.

1356
01:16:02,022 --> 01:16:03,323
I could use
a little head.

1357
01:16:03,324 --> 01:16:05,258
I'll bet you could.

1358
01:16:05,259 --> 01:16:07,294
Ooh.

1359
01:16:13,434 --> 01:16:16,269
Get the fuck
out of the way.

1360
01:16:16,270 --> 01:16:18,438
It looks like
you've finally managed

1361
01:16:18,439 --> 01:16:20,474
to finish your job, Bottoms.

1362
01:16:20,475 --> 01:16:22,976
Give me one good reason
not to punch your lights out.

1363
01:16:22,977 --> 01:16:24,377
Here's 20 million reasons.

1364
01:16:25,946 --> 01:16:29,316
Okay, that will do.

1365
01:16:29,317 --> 01:16:30,650
One more thing.

1366
01:16:30,651 --> 01:16:32,219
The Oakland caves
have collapsed,

1367
01:16:32,220 --> 01:16:33,720
killing the First Family.

1368
01:16:33,721 --> 01:16:36,123
Would you consider running
for president?

1369
01:16:36,124 --> 01:16:38,291
Just try and stop me.

1370
01:16:41,295 --> 01:16:44,131
Oh, V.D., now that
the planet's safe,

1371
01:16:44,132 --> 01:16:46,032
we can finally get married.

1372
01:16:46,033 --> 01:16:47,501
Whoa, slow down, baby.

1373
01:16:47,502 --> 01:16:49,536
I mean, you know, when I said
all that marriage stuff,

1374
01:16:49,537 --> 01:16:51,538
I thought we were gonna,
like, you know, die.

1375
01:16:51,539 --> 01:16:54,508
What? You sackless scumbag.

1376
01:16:54,509 --> 01:16:55,942
I'm just kidding, sweetheart.

1377
01:16:55,943 --> 01:16:58,745
Listen, I always want you
to be my little Sandy Johnson.

1378
01:16:58,746 --> 01:17:01,348
- Oh, V.D.
- Yeah.

1379
01:17:01,349 --> 01:17:04,317
I'm gonna give you
so many little V.D.s.

1380
01:17:04,318 --> 01:17:05,685
You and me...

1381
01:17:05,686 --> 01:17:08,188
Boo ya.

1382
01:17:08,189 --> 01:17:10,557
Oh, baby, can't you see?

1383
01:17:10,558 --> 01:17:13,693
I want to hold you
forever.

1384
01:17:24,505 --> 01:17:25,505
Oops.

1385
01:17:30,478 --> 01:17:32,879
Oh, hi.

1386
01:17:32,880 --> 01:17:34,181
Hi.

1387
01:17:43,757 --> 01:17:45,192
Mr. President,

1388
01:17:45,193 --> 01:17:47,994
SETI has picked up
an alien invasion fleet

1389
01:17:47,995 --> 01:17:49,095
approaching the Earth.

1390
01:17:49,096 --> 01:17:51,631
We've got Air Force One
standing by.

1391
01:17:56,404 --> 01:18:00,740
Earthlings, prepare
to be colonized.

1392
01:18:00,741 --> 01:18:04,544
All right, boys.

1393
01:18:04,545 --> 01:18:06,646
It's sequel time.

1394
01:18:29,704 --> 01:18:32,372
Presidential candidate
Harry Bottoms

1395
01:18:32,373 --> 01:18:35,408
knows where to lead America.

1396
01:18:35,409 --> 01:18:36,909
Hello.

1397
01:18:36,910 --> 01:18:39,879
I believe this great country
is the greatest nation

1398
01:18:39,880 --> 01:18:41,814
in the history
of America.

1399
01:18:41,815 --> 01:18:43,783
And if we get rid
of the poor,

1400
01:18:43,784 --> 01:18:46,753
we will eliminate poverty.

1401
01:18:46,754 --> 01:18:48,355
And education,

1402
01:18:48,356 --> 01:18:51,391
it's not just something
you can learn.

1403
01:18:51,392 --> 01:18:54,193
Gay marriage,
tried it, didn't like it...

1404
01:18:54,194 --> 01:18:55,795
both times.

1405
01:18:55,796 --> 01:18:58,298
Gay divorce, you bet ya.

1406
01:18:58,299 --> 01:19:00,032
No new taxes.

1407
01:19:00,033 --> 01:19:01,934
I'll just raise the old ones.

1408
01:19:01,935 --> 01:19:05,071
We need to stop looking
for weapons of mass destruction

1409
01:19:05,072 --> 01:19:07,840
and start using
some of our own.

1410
01:19:10,278 --> 01:19:12,279
I'm Harry Bottoms.

1411
01:19:12,280 --> 01:19:14,714
Don't worry.
I'll think of something.

1412
01:19:14,715 --> 01:19:18,485
I always do.

1413
01:19:18,486 --> 01:19:20,654
Harry Bottoms for president.

1414
01:19:20,655 --> 01:19:23,022
Don't worry.
He'll think of something.

1415
01:19:23,023 --> 01:19:26,626
He always does.

1416
01:19:26,627 --> 01:19:29,095
I've got trouble,
trouble in my eyes.

1417
01:19:29,096 --> 01:19:30,497
Ugh.

1418
01:19:30,498 --> 01:19:35,468
This headset smells like ass.

1419
01:19:35,469 --> 01:19:41,073
Cola 1. It tastes a lot better
than number 2.

1420
01:19:44,578 --> 01:19:47,246
Why, yes,
I'd love a cocktail,

1421
01:19:47,247 --> 01:19:49,115
and hold the tail.

1422
01:19:52,520 --> 01:19:54,321
Action.

1423
01:19:54,322 --> 01:19:56,323
I can't even look
at a golf cart

1424
01:19:56,324 --> 01:19:58,658
without leaving myself
a package in my pants.

1425
01:20:00,628 --> 01:20:01,695
Action.

1426
01:20:01,696 --> 01:20:03,530
I can't even look
at a golf cart

1427
01:20:03,531 --> 01:20:06,933
without doing stuff
to my undergarmentry.

1428
01:20:11,905 --> 01:20:17,377
Oh, you...you could rape
all the men if you want to.

1429
01:20:17,378 --> 01:20:20,213
Too bad that lumberjack
was eaten by squirrels.

1430
01:20:20,214 --> 01:20:25,051
I would have liked
to have cornholed him.

1431
01:20:25,052 --> 01:20:26,553
Years gone by.

1432
01:20:26,554 --> 01:20:29,522
I say we've kicked some ass.

1433
01:20:29,523 --> 01:20:33,326
When I'm enraged,
I hit the stage,

1434
01:20:33,327 --> 01:20:35,628
adrenaline rushin'
through my veins,

1435
01:20:35,629 --> 01:20:41,835
and I said
we're still kicking ass.

1436
01:20:41,836 --> 01:20:44,604
Are you AC or DC?

1437
01:20:44,605 --> 01:20:46,506
Kick-start my heart,
hope it never stops.

1438
01:20:46,507 --> 01:20:49,743
And to think,
we did all of this.

1439
01:20:54,415 --> 01:20:58,284
I am alive, alive.

1440
01:20:59,620 --> 01:21:03,089
Hey, who let a dog in here?

1441
01:21:03,090 --> 01:21:05,792
Dig me out, boy.
You can do it.

1442
01:21:13,100 --> 01:21:14,467
You bitch.

1443
01:21:17,838 --> 01:21:19,606
I'm exhausted.

1444
01:21:26,914 --> 01:21:31,384
Ah, now, that's better.

1445
01:21:33,153 --> 01:21:36,423
TGIF.

1446
01:21:39,192 --> 01:21:40,393
Wait a minute.

1447
01:21:40,394 --> 01:21:42,929
Does this mean
we're all gonna die?

1448
01:21:42,930 --> 01:21:44,230
Fuck that.

1449
01:21:44,231 --> 01:21:45,932
Nothing's gonna stop
the Crue's comeback.

1450
01:21:45,933 --> 01:21:47,300
You know what?

1451
01:21:47,301 --> 01:21:49,502
We're gonna stop that
goddamn planetoid ourselves.

1452
01:21:49,503 --> 01:21:51,971
Are you talking
big knockers Betty?

1453
01:21:51,972 --> 01:21:54,574
Betty. Yum.

1454
01:22:10,658 --> 01:22:13,426
Oh, shit.
That didn't go too well.

1455
01:22:13,427 --> 01:22:15,528
The Dwarves must die,

1456
01:22:15,529 --> 01:22:17,263
so we can live another day.

1457
01:22:17,264 --> 01:22:19,298
The Dwarves must die.

1458
01:22:19,299 --> 01:22:22,168
Until next time,
that's all we'll say.

1459
01:22:22,169 --> 01:22:25,605
Why would we lie
about our demise?

1460
01:22:25,606 --> 01:22:29,442
No one would
ever sympathize.

1461
01:22:29,443 --> 01:22:30,944
The Dwarves must die.

1462
01:22:30,945 --> 01:22:32,912
It's time to meet
our Waterloo.

1463
01:22:32,913 --> 01:22:34,681
The Dwarves must die,

1464
01:22:34,682 --> 01:22:36,983
'cause we can make
that dream come true.

1465
01:22:36,984 --> 01:22:37,984
Wait.

1466
01:22:37,985 --> 01:22:39,519
Keep in suspense,

1467
01:22:39,520 --> 01:22:41,454
centuries since.

1468
01:22:41,455 --> 01:22:47,026
It all makes sense again.

1469
01:22:47,027 --> 01:22:50,997
Live for yourselves.

1470
01:22:50,998 --> 01:22:55,167
Got to be here,

1471
01:22:55,168 --> 01:22:56,836
dropping like flies

1472
01:22:56,837 --> 01:23:01,007
when we're under your skin.

1473
01:23:08,482 --> 01:23:09,883
Hey!

1474
01:23:09,884 --> 01:23:11,150
Let's say so long.

1475
01:23:11,151 --> 01:23:12,819
No right or wrong.

1476
01:23:12,820 --> 01:23:16,656
Turn up the song
and bang a gong and on and on.

1477
01:23:16,657 --> 01:23:20,059
The Dwarves must die.

1478
01:23:20,060 --> 01:23:23,496
The Dwarves must die.

1479
01:23:23,497 --> 01:23:26,766
The Dwarves must die,
die, die.

1480
01:23:26,767 --> 01:23:30,369
The Dwarves must die.

1480
01:23:31,305 --> 01:24:31,287
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