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(CAR BRAKES SCREECH)

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(THEME SONG PLAYING)

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♪ Ace Ventura ♪

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All righty, then.

5
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♪ Pet detective on the run ♪

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(CHUCKLES)

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♪ Ace Ventura ♪

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♪ Doesn't even have a gun ♪

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Yes, yes!

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Whoa!

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(SQUEAKING)

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Aah!

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Aah!

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♪ Ace Ventura ♪

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Ace Ventura, pet detective.

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♪ Pet detective on the run ♪

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(CHUCKLES)

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(SCREAMING)

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Ace Ventura, pet detective.

20
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Pet detective? I thought I called the pest detective.

21
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Yellow Pages misspelled the ad

22
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but since I'm hard up for cash, what seems to be the problem?

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There's some kind of beast stuck in my toilet bowl.

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Spike, my utensils.

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Hi-ya!

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Hey, what the... Have you no shame?

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(ACE AND MAN SCREAMING)

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ACE: The beast has been dethroned.

29
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Do not go in there. It ain't a pretty sight.

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I'll have to charge extra because he was human.

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That's my husband.

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The beast is in the upstairs bathroom.

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Not so fast.

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This could get nasty. I'm going in.

35
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I think I found the problem.

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It's a baby alligator.

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Mississippiensis variety.

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(SCREAMS)

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Poor baby. Did that bad lady scare you?

40
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Here's my bill.

41
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No. Here's my bill for all the damages.

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And I'll be suing you for psychological trauma.

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You didn't wanna live here anyway.

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Did you?

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46
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(GRUNTING)

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How you doing, Ace?

48
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Gee, Doc. How'd you know it was me?

49
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Well, you're the only one I know who won't use a front door.

50
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Force of habit for a man of intrigue and danger such as myself.

51
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Who's your friend?

52
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Doc, please.

53
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You're the only one who can save this poor baby orphangator. Please.

54
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Okay.

55
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(ACE CRYING)

56
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Gee, Doc, you okay?

57
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You usually say, "Now, Ace, you know, I already got too many mouths to feed."

58
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Not anymore. Big Daddy's disappeared.

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He's been here and if my instincts are correct,

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Big Daddy was craving a moment of privacy

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and is hiding inside... this outhouse.

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(GROANS)

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Yes. The mystery of Big Daddy solved in record time.

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-DOC: This ain't Big Daddy. -Huh?

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This here's long daddy. Big Daddy's my prize gator.

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All righty, then.

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DOC: I raised Big Daddy from a pup myself.

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It grew into the biggest, strongest, toughest gator in these here Everglades.

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There is only one person could have taken him...

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Gator Jane.

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Ooh! I love when they get all goopy.

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Oops. Was I not listening?

73
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I said Gator Jane probably took Big Daddy.

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Gator Jane, legendary poacher of the Everglades, queen of the swamp.

75
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A bedtime story told to frighten all women and children.

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Doc, we are men of science.

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Don't move.

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You almost stepped in this footprint.

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(SNIFFS)

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I would say it belongs to a man about 29 years old, 6 foot 4,

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weighing 125 pounds, with a large Adam's apple and rotten teeth.

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Well, that's amazing, Ace.

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How can you tell all that from a footprint?

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I can't.

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He dropped his hunting license next to it.

86
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Why? That's Flim Snopes. I thought I saw him.

87
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Crazy Snopes was poking around here the other night.

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Spike, we'd leave at once.

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It's quiet, Spike.

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A little too quiet.

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No. Help me.

92
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Save me.

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(SCREAMING)

94
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Dressing like an otter.

95
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A delicacy of the carnivorous gator was not a good idea.

96
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Let's run.

97
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They must be ignorant hillbillies, Spike.

98
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They put an apostrophe in trespassing.

99
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We shall fool them easily with our city ways.

100
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Hee-haw!

101
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(ALL LAUGHING)

102
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Looks like we kissed ourselves a gator.

103
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Let's gut them scales.

104
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(CHUCKLES)

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(CHATTERING)

106
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Hold that gator's tail side so I can gut him.

107
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I hate to disillusion you, kind gentlemen but I am not a gator.

108
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I am a man in a gator suit.

109
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How's I know this ain't some kind of trick?

110
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How many gators do you know that can talk?

111
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(ALL CHEERING)

112
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Looks like we got ourselves a talking gator.

113
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Wait till grandpa sees this.

114
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(ALL LAUGHING)

115
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-What you got there? -It's a talking gator.

116
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You damn fools, gators can't talk.

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(ALL GIGGLING)

118
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I bet you with whatever you got.

119
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You boys will never learn.

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Okay, talk.

121
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Come on. You talk down here.

122
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(WHISTLING)

123
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(SCREAMS)

124
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Told you that was no talking gator.

125
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That there is a gator what swallowed a man whole.

126
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Sweet sassafras.

127
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Whoop that gator.

128
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(ALL CHUCKLING)

129
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Boys, we gone catched ourselves a man-eating gator.

130
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Toto, we're not in Miami anymore.

131
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I can't thank you enough for saving my life.

132
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Why'd you make a fool of us in front of grandpa?

133
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Pretending you was a talking gator.

134
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That's $500 we lost this month.

135
00:08:35,636 --> 00:08:39,607
Just for that we're gonna have to play a trick on you.

136
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You see that bowl of critter food.

137
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Well, I want you to eat it.

138
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(ALL LAUGHING)

139
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This wouldn't be that trick you boys were talking about, would it?

140
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No, no.

141
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(SNIFFS) Yummy.

142
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Phew.

143
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Must be a lot of critter food in here

144
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'cause this bowl's heavy.

145
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Oh, oh, hernia. Ah.

146
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You city boys spend too much time pushing pencils.

147
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You're too soft.

148
00:09:21,043 --> 00:09:23,678
Bet three strong hillbillies could make a...

149
00:09:26,981 --> 00:09:29,717
(THUDS AND EXPLODES)

150
00:09:30,852 --> 00:09:32,819
Let's cut to the chase, shall we?

151
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How do you explain this?

152
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Hey, he looks just like you, Flim.

153
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And he's got your name.

154
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-Same birthday, too. -Why...

155
00:09:45,731 --> 00:09:47,767
You're twins.

156
00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:52,070
Brother, it's been so long.

157
00:09:52,103 --> 00:09:53,905
So what'd you do with Big Daddy?

158
00:09:53,939 --> 00:09:56,608
Big Daddy? I ain't seen Big Daddy.

159
00:09:56,641 --> 00:09:58,309
-You didn't take him? -No.

160
00:09:58,342 --> 00:10:01,478
You wouldn't lie to your twin brother now,

161
00:10:01,512 --> 00:10:02,646
-would you? -No.

162
00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:05,049
Then what were you doing at Doc's place the other night.

163
00:10:05,082 --> 00:10:07,850
Can you tell me that? Huh? Can you?

164
00:10:07,884 --> 00:10:11,354
Heh. Looking for Flim's hunting license.

165
00:10:11,387 --> 00:10:13,655
He dropped it out there about a week ago.

166
00:10:13,689 --> 00:10:15,157
You ain't seen it, have you?

167
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(MUMBLING)

168
00:10:20,529 --> 00:10:22,263
Bye, twin brother.

169
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Hehe. You'll come back, now you?

170
00:10:29,537 --> 00:10:30,670
Ugh.

171
00:10:30,704 --> 00:10:34,174
It's no use. We're never gonna get out of here alive.

172
00:10:34,974 --> 00:10:36,276
Did you hear that?

173
00:10:36,309 --> 00:10:38,378
It sounds like an ice cream truck.

174
00:10:38,411 --> 00:10:41,113
All right. Who let the cow out of the barn?

175
00:10:41,146 --> 00:10:45,617
Don't let them judge me. Sweet mother.

176
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(SPLITS)

177
00:10:48,619 --> 00:10:49,821
(SPIKE CHATTERING)

178
00:10:49,854 --> 00:10:54,025
Well, gee, if we could find a clue or something,

179
00:10:54,058 --> 00:10:58,662
maybe I wouldn't have to get so weird.

180
00:11:01,198 --> 00:11:03,100
Who's slacking off?

181
00:11:08,904 --> 00:11:10,806
(GARGLE THEN SPLITS)

182
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:14,242
I don't see you taste testing for gator skin parasites.

183
00:11:14,275 --> 00:11:19,381
The only thing we can do is wait for a clue to jump up and bite us on the nose.

184
00:11:20,948 --> 00:11:22,216
(SCREAMS)

185
00:11:22,249 --> 00:11:24,718
No. Don't bite my nose.

186
00:11:26,754 --> 00:11:29,589
Phew. Filthy water bats.

187
00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:34,093
Spike, something scared those swimming swamp scum

188
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:37,295
and that means Big Daddy must be close.

189
00:11:40,499 --> 00:11:42,667
Admit it, my powers of deduction

190
00:11:42,701 --> 00:11:45,569
leave even the most doubtful of monkeys I've spoken to.

191
00:11:45,603 --> 00:11:47,638
(SCREAMING)

192
00:11:53,010 --> 00:11:54,544
Uh...

193
00:11:55,845 --> 00:11:58,948
Spike, if anything should ever happen to me,

194
00:11:58,982 --> 00:12:00,850
the business is yours.

195
00:12:00,884 --> 00:12:06,555
Yours, yours, yours, yours.

196
00:12:06,955 --> 00:12:09,458
(GIGGLING)

197
00:12:09,491 --> 00:12:12,326
(LAUGHING)

198
00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:14,562
I've lost my hair gel.

199
00:12:15,897 --> 00:12:18,332
(GRUNTS AND GROANS)

200
00:12:24,237 --> 00:12:27,940
Your head ought to make a fine trophy.

201
00:12:27,973 --> 00:12:31,010
Head and body would make a better trophy together, I mean.

202
00:12:31,043 --> 00:12:33,846
One big crazy head and body trophy.

203
00:12:33,879 --> 00:12:35,314
Ahhh!

204
00:12:35,346 --> 00:12:38,516
Gator Jane's the name and hunting gators my claim to fame.

205
00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:41,686
-Nice threads. -Made them myself.

206
00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:44,421
This here's pure gator skin.

207
00:12:44,455 --> 00:12:47,691
Each of these teeth is from a different gator

208
00:12:47,724 --> 00:12:51,295
and these knives are made from their bones.

209
00:12:51,328 --> 00:12:54,197
You are a lovely walking house of death and twice as big.

210
00:12:54,230 --> 00:12:57,100
Gee, since you're already fully accessorized,

211
00:12:57,133 --> 00:13:01,136
I guess you won't be needing to chop up Big Daddy then, right?

212
00:13:01,169 --> 00:13:02,904
Sure, I would.

213
00:13:02,938 --> 00:13:06,842
Gator that size fits a good price.

214
00:13:06,875 --> 00:13:10,077
Say what's it to you anyway,

215
00:13:10,110 --> 00:13:11,946
you ain't one of them Snopes is you.

216
00:13:11,979 --> 00:13:14,215
I hate them Snopes.

217
00:13:14,248 --> 00:13:18,351
Well, I have been mistaken for Flim's twin brother on occasions.

218
00:13:19,018 --> 00:13:20,119
If you're a Snopes,

219
00:13:20,153 --> 00:13:22,422
I got a right mind to gut you right here

220
00:13:22,455 --> 00:13:24,757
and feed you to the gators.

221
00:13:27,159 --> 00:13:29,328
Would you believe I'm a Harvard entomologist

222
00:13:29,361 --> 00:13:31,763
searching for this batwing dung beetle?

223
00:13:31,797 --> 00:13:32,831
(CHUCKLES)

224
00:13:32,865 --> 00:13:34,832
(SCREAMS)

225
00:13:34,866 --> 00:13:41,839
If there's one thing I hate more than a Snopes, it's a Harvard boy.

226
00:13:50,813 --> 00:13:52,114
ACE: Hurry up, Spike.

227
00:13:52,147 --> 00:13:55,918
There's about 45 leeches having a dinner party in my pants.

228
00:13:56,886 --> 00:13:58,320
Uh...

229
00:13:58,354 --> 00:14:01,389
Fancy bacon grease monkey.

230
00:14:01,422 --> 00:14:04,526
Now let's see that in instant replay.

231
00:14:07,261 --> 00:14:12,165
Go on, big fella. The swamp is your oyster.

232
00:14:12,199 --> 00:14:15,701
What the... Come on, big guy.

233
00:14:15,735 --> 00:14:17,036
(WHISTLING)

234
00:14:17,069 --> 00:14:18,437
Go fetch.

235
00:14:20,172 --> 00:14:21,507
Hmm.

236
00:14:21,541 --> 00:14:23,209
(GRUNTS)

237
00:14:23,242 --> 00:14:25,944
Do I have to write you a letter?

238
00:14:26,811 --> 00:14:27,779
He's sleeping.

239
00:14:27,812 --> 00:14:30,148
Can you believe he's sleeping through this?

240
00:14:30,181 --> 00:14:35,452
Hello, Big Daddy, oh, wake up.

241
00:14:35,486 --> 00:14:37,555
You'll be late for school.

242
00:14:38,088 --> 00:14:40,456
(GROWLING)

243
00:14:42,859 --> 00:14:45,461
I guess it's always like this when he wakes up.

244
00:14:45,495 --> 00:14:46,329
Mint?

245
00:14:46,362 --> 00:14:51,533
(BOTH SCREAMING)

246
00:15:02,143 --> 00:15:03,177
No.

247
00:15:03,210 --> 00:15:05,446
(SCREAMING)

248
00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:08,248
(CHATTERING)

249
00:15:08,281 --> 00:15:10,083
Not to worry, Spike.

250
00:15:10,116 --> 00:15:13,753
Calm will overtake the beast as he senses my special bond with the animal kingdom.

251
00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:15,321
-(SCREAMS) -(GROWLS)

252
00:15:18,023 --> 00:15:19,858
Me friend.

253
00:15:19,892 --> 00:15:21,794
(GRUNTS)

254
00:15:22,193 --> 00:15:24,729
Me no harm.

255
00:15:26,798 --> 00:15:30,435
Want to rescue you.

256
00:15:33,103 --> 00:15:38,308
My usual bond with the members of the animal kingdom does not seem to be working.

257
00:15:39,442 --> 00:15:41,277
(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)

258
00:15:41,310 --> 00:15:43,946
(GRUNTING)

259
00:15:43,980 --> 00:15:46,682
GATOR JANE: Our nation is going on out there.

260
00:15:47,983 --> 00:15:49,918
What you doing with my gator?

261
00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:58,792
You want Big Daddy?

262
00:15:58,826 --> 00:16:03,896
Well, little missy, first, you'll have to deal with Ace Ventura.

263
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:05,732
(SCREAMS)

264
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:09,902
Homewrecker.

265
00:16:18,343 --> 00:16:19,945
(SCREAMS)

266
00:16:19,978 --> 00:16:22,346
(GRUNTS)

267
00:16:22,713 --> 00:16:26,050
(HOWLING)

268
00:16:26,817 --> 00:16:29,386
I got you.

269
00:16:29,419 --> 00:16:32,122
You fight well, though, bearer of unshaven armpits.

270
00:16:32,155 --> 00:16:35,458
But in your haste, you have failed to note that my trusty assistant Spike

271
00:16:35,492 --> 00:16:38,460
has a deadly blow gun aimed at your spine.

272
00:16:38,494 --> 00:16:41,697
You mean this ugly tree squirrel?

273
00:16:41,730 --> 00:16:44,233
(CHATTERING)

274
00:16:44,266 --> 00:16:46,868
Now where'd that gator go?

275
00:16:46,901 --> 00:16:48,936
There he is.

276
00:16:48,970 --> 00:16:51,472
Wait, my shoes aren't...

277
00:16:55,275 --> 00:16:56,410
Yay.

278
00:16:56,443 --> 00:16:58,679
Thank goodness she missed the gator.

279
00:16:58,712 --> 00:17:00,714
(GROWLING)

280
00:17:00,747 --> 00:17:03,683
(SCREAMING)

281
00:17:06,752 --> 00:17:08,854
Spike.

282
00:17:14,059 --> 00:17:16,161
Spank you, uh...

283
00:17:16,194 --> 00:17:18,430
(SCREAMING)

284
00:17:19,763 --> 00:17:22,766
Well, they don't just grow on trees, you know.

285
00:17:25,602 --> 00:17:29,205
What? A swamp ranger. We're saved.

286
00:17:29,238 --> 00:17:31,407
Saved.

287
00:17:31,441 --> 00:17:32,875
Can I be of any assistance?

288
00:17:32,909 --> 00:17:36,912
We're being stalked by a gator-bashing swamp amazon.

289
00:17:36,945 --> 00:17:38,914
-Gator Jane. -Yes.

290
00:17:38,947 --> 00:17:41,416
Can you help us, bold heroic ranger friend?

291
00:17:41,450 --> 00:17:43,552
Your worries are over.

292
00:17:43,585 --> 00:17:46,487
Catching Gator Jane is my mission in life.

293
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:49,090
I hunt her as she hunts the gator.

294
00:17:49,123 --> 00:17:51,392
I have pursued her for 20 years

295
00:17:51,425 --> 00:17:53,126
but she always eludes my grasp.

296
00:17:53,159 --> 00:17:54,894
Why? I cannot say.

297
00:17:55,595 --> 00:17:58,264
It's 'cause you never shut up.

298
00:17:58,298 --> 00:17:59,599
Quick, Robin.

299
00:17:59,632 --> 00:18:01,967
To the back of the boat thingy.

300
00:18:06,805 --> 00:18:07,940
Ugh.

301
00:18:07,973 --> 00:18:09,674
ACE: Loser!

302
00:18:12,977 --> 00:18:16,814
Engineering. What is our current status?

303
00:18:16,848 --> 00:18:20,217
Cruising speed set to one three, captain.

304
00:18:20,250 --> 00:18:23,086
Yes? Yikes!

305
00:18:24,621 --> 00:18:28,491
Give me back my gator, you tree-hugging, critter-loving,

306
00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:30,793
veggie-eating Harvard boy.

307
00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:34,129
I have never hugged a tree.

308
00:18:36,097 --> 00:18:39,868
(HUMMING)

309
00:18:39,901 --> 00:18:41,202
(SCREAMS)

310
00:18:43,070 --> 00:18:45,672
Oh, yeah.

311
00:18:47,574 --> 00:18:50,544
Tree hugging.

312
00:18:50,977 --> 00:18:52,979
(SCREAMING)

313
00:18:56,849 --> 00:18:58,217
Sure.

314
00:18:58,251 --> 00:19:02,821
Let the gluteus maximus absorb the impact like I don't have brains.

315
00:19:02,854 --> 00:19:05,223
I'll tell you what I got for brains.

316
00:19:05,257 --> 00:19:07,925
Anybody got any aspirin?

317
00:19:09,527 --> 00:19:11,629
Now I'm mad.

318
00:19:15,166 --> 00:19:17,233
Uh-oh. Incoming.

319
00:19:21,704 --> 00:19:23,373
No.

320
00:19:23,406 --> 00:19:26,542
Yes, yes. Can you feel it?

321
00:19:26,575 --> 00:19:29,978
Boy, am I good? Ugh...

322
00:19:30,012 --> 00:19:33,815
Now, I'm really mad.

323
00:19:33,848 --> 00:19:37,018
You know this could really stretch the face.

324
00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:42,055
So could pulling your skull out of your head right through your eyes.

325
00:19:42,088 --> 00:19:44,491
Yummy, hmm.

326
00:19:45,525 --> 00:19:48,261
Isn't that Elvis? Hey, Elvis.

327
00:19:48,295 --> 00:19:50,296
I ain't falling for that.

328
00:19:50,329 --> 00:19:56,702
Everyone knows Elvis is living on an island with JFK and James Dean.

329
00:19:56,735 --> 00:19:59,404
Hey, isn't that Garth Brooks?

330
00:19:59,437 --> 00:20:03,508
Where? Where?

331
00:20:03,541 --> 00:20:08,145
Lion varmint, I'm saving you for dessert.

332
00:20:11,381 --> 00:20:15,952
Hey, look, free gator chow.

333
00:20:15,985 --> 00:20:20,890
I don't need no stinking gator chow.

334
00:20:21,691 --> 00:20:23,725
-(GULPS) -(CHUCKLES)

335
00:20:26,795 --> 00:20:28,897
(GRUNTS)

336
00:20:28,930 --> 00:20:30,232
(EXPLODES)

337
00:20:30,632 --> 00:20:33,167
(ALL LAUGHING)

338
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:34,802
We catched ourselves a gator.

339
00:20:34,835 --> 00:20:39,239
You crazy Snopes, I ain't no gator!

340
00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:40,807
Don't let her fool you.

341
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,876
That's a real talking gator.

342
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:46,279
Wow. If it ain't cousin Flim.

343
00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:50,415
I'm proud of you, twin brother. You done good, real good.

344
00:20:50,449 --> 00:20:53,552
Here's the address of an animal oddity zoo in Madagascar

345
00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:55,454
that will pay a fortune for her.

346
00:20:55,487 --> 00:20:59,190
Madahooser? I ain't going nowhere nohow.

347
00:20:59,223 --> 00:21:01,192
We're gonna be rich.

348
00:21:01,225 --> 00:21:03,094
Move to Beverly Hills.

349
00:21:03,127 --> 00:21:06,529
-Wait till Grandpa sees this. -(ALL CHEERING)

350
00:21:06,563 --> 00:21:11,601
Gator Jane, poacher, legend and loser.

351
00:21:11,635 --> 00:21:16,438
Loo-hoo-ser.

352
00:21:16,472 --> 00:21:21,276
Now how to get two tons of the biggest, strongest, toughest gator

353
00:21:21,309 --> 00:21:23,745
in your Everglades back home.

354
00:21:29,917 --> 00:21:33,220
-(GROWLING) -(SCREAMING)

355
00:21:33,253 --> 00:21:36,089
Big Daddy.

356
00:21:37,424 --> 00:21:40,159
No, no, no.

357
00:21:40,192 --> 00:21:41,727
Doc, don't let him eat me.

358
00:21:41,761 --> 00:21:44,730
Well, he ain't gonna eat you, Ace.

359
00:21:44,764 --> 00:21:47,966
Big Daddy is growling because he likes you.

360
00:21:48,500 --> 00:21:50,435
Whoo-hoo.

361
00:21:50,468 --> 00:21:53,672
(LAUGHS) Really?

362
00:21:53,705 --> 00:21:56,006
DOC: I'm mighty glad you're back, Ace,

363
00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:58,742
because, you know, that baby gator you brought me,

364
00:21:58,776 --> 00:22:01,111
well, he's stuck in the outhouse.

365
00:22:02,279 --> 00:22:04,380
Gravy!

366
00:22:04,414 --> 00:22:06,716
(GATOR GROWLS)

367
00:22:08,685 --> 00:22:12,187
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

367
00:22:13,305 --> 00:23:13,851
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