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(CAR BRAKES SCREECH)

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(THEME SONG PLAYING)

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♪ Ace Ventura ♪

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All righty, then.

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♪ Pet detective on the run ♪

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(CHUCKLES)

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♪ Ace Ventura ♪

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♪ Doesn't even have a gun ♪

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Yes, yes!

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Whoa!

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(SQUEAKING)

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Aah!

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Aah!

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♪ Ace Ventura ♪

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Ace Ventura, pet detective.

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♪ Pet detective on the run ♪

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(CHUCKLES)

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19
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(SPITS)

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Mexico sure is hot, but it's a dry heat.

21
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Eh, compadre?

22
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(CHATTERING)

23
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Spike, I told you to go before we left Miami.

24
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Well, you're just gonna have to wait until we get to the ranch

25
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or you could use my hat.

26
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Senor Ventura, welcome. Your jackass must be tired.

27
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Since you mention it, I am a little saddle sore.

28
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Your burro.

29
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(CHUCKLES)

30
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Whoa! Got me.

31
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I am...

32
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San Fernando, owner of the Circle F,

33
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largest stud bull ranch in all of Mexico.

34
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You've called me here because you're missing a bull.

35
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Not just any bull, Muerto.

36
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A quaint name meaning killer.

37
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Old Morty must be quite a ferocious one.

38
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Only to his enemies,

39
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but he could also be the gentlest bull in all of Mexico.

40
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Muerto had much love to give.

41
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Yes, well, this is a stud ranch.

42
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Senor Ventura, we hope you can find Muerto,

43
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for you see, he is my son's pet.

44
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To the crime scene, por favor.

45
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Hmm, multigrain.

46
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That'll keep you regular.

47
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This hombre cannot help us.

48
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He will never find my bull.

49
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I heard that.

50
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Observe.

51
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Needle in a haystack.

52
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-Wow. -Careful not to sit on it.

53
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Now that I have your full attention,

54
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did Morty have any distinctive features aside from the obvious...

55
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(SCREAMING)

56
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My tuchus, my tuchus.

57
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Oh, yeah. Feeling good.

58
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Facial anyone?

59
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You are right.

60
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This hombre will never find Muerto.

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(WHISTLING)

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-(SPEAKING IN SPANISH) -(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)

63
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Wrong.

64
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Try genus melanotus AKA say, everybody,

65
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have you heard she's gonna buy me a mockingbird

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to which this feather belongs

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and that, mi amigos, is no bull.

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There are no mockingbirds in these parts.

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Precisely.

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But they have a home in a little state, I like to call Texas.

71
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Put your jackass in gear, Spike.

72
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We're heading for the Lone Star State to find Muerto.

73
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The bull with the Circle F brand.

74
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The rodeo makes sense, huh?

75
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Pardon me, have you seen this bull?

76
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Maybe this will help.

77
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Ever seen one like it?

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Lucky for you I can turn the other cheek.

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Jangle, jangle, jangle.

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Hot dog, I'm so bow legged they'll have to bury me

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in a horseshoe shaped coffin.

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Okay, Spike, click your spurs and hitch up your chaps

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because it's time for operation brand F.

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No. No. No.

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Uh-uh. Not it.

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Not even close.

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Nope. No cigar. No way.

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(GRUNTING)

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Not a circle after the bunch.

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Oh, no!

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(SCREAMING)

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So much for any little Aces.

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-(GASPS) -Yay!

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Big finish coming up.

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Want to see an upside down fruitcake?

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CROWD: Yeah!

97
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And dismount.

98
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Yay!

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CROWD: Boo!

100
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(GRINDING TEETH)

101
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Spank y'all.

102
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Spank y'all very much.

103
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Oh, my bones, my bones.

104
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My kidneys are over here, my appendix over there, my pancreas!

105
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I can't find my pancreas, either of them.

106
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Nice to see my severe trouncing didn't spoil your lunch,

107
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you smore sucking simian.

108
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Gee, Spike, you always travel with the Circle F branding iron?

109
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Bingo, was his name-o.

110
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Muah.

111
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(CHATTERING)

112
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Our bull-napper cleverly shook us off his trail

113
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by giving Morty a little identity change.

114
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We couldn't find the circle F bull

115
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because the circle F bull is now a circle P bull.

116
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Wait, I saw the circle P.

117
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(GASPS)

118
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Yeah.

119
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That could accommodate a large male cow.

120
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(BREATHING HEAVILY)

121
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Mind if I ask what was in that crate?

122
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I see no crate, partner.

123
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They don't call them cowboys for nothing.

124
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Hey, your barn door's open.

125
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I know the face, but I can't quite place the belt size.

126
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(BOTH SNEERING)

127
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Gee, I think I was looking in the mirror

128
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if it weren't for the 500-gallon gut

129
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beneath the 10-gallon hat.

130
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Well, yippee ki-yay.

131
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If it ain't old Phatteus Lardus,

132
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international animal smuggler and all-around round guy.

133
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Recognize me, huh, huh?

134
00:07:40,410 --> 00:07:42,111
How about now?

135
00:07:42,144 --> 00:07:44,579
We meet again, Mr. Ventura.

136
00:07:44,612 --> 00:07:46,446
Oh, that's perceptive.

137
00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:50,382
Meanwhile, I can't help but notice you and your monkey wear matching hats

138
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except that his is missing a feather.

139
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A mockingbird's feather.

140
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Like a glove, eh?

141
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Hey, watch the rhinestones, will you?

142
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In a few moments, your rhinestones and breathing will be of no concern to you.

143
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Dynamite!

144
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Won't that be a bit loud, Lardus?

145
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-Very. -Oh!

146
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Sorry to run, Mr. Ventura but a massive explosion might soil my cowboy suit

147
00:08:32,700 --> 00:08:34,501
and it's rented. (LAUGHS)

148
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Yeah, and you're ugly in a bathing suit.

149
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(GRUNTING)

150
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(HORSE NEIGHS)

151
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Spike, did you hear that?

152
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(HORSE NEIGHS)

153
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Sounds like Mrs. Ed's lonely for companionship.

154
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(CHUCKLES)

155
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(HORSE NEIGHS)

156
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Good work, flicker.

157
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:12,351
Hmm, keeps on ticking.

158
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Everybody out before this place becomes sawdust.

159
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Take care then. Bye-bye, now.

160
00:09:20,921 --> 00:09:22,488
Something's gone wrong.

161
00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:26,457
-Get him. -Come on, Spike.

162
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Yoo-hoo, losers!

163
00:09:34,327 --> 00:09:35,795
Hey, over here!

164
00:09:35,828 --> 00:09:37,662
No, over here.

165
00:09:37,696 --> 00:09:41,697
Hey, lard bucket, say cheese.

166
00:09:41,730 --> 00:09:43,464
Down here.

167
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(GRINDING TEETH)

168
00:09:47,733 --> 00:09:49,200
Oh.

169
00:09:49,234 --> 00:09:50,901
(INAUDIBLE)

170
00:09:55,736 --> 00:09:58,271
Hi-ya!

171
00:10:00,072 --> 00:10:03,240
Some advice, hang on to your pancreas.

172
00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:05,741
Oh, Mr. Ventura,

173
00:10:05,774 --> 00:10:09,743
I will follow you to the four corners of the planet.

174
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:11,510
You will pay.

175
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:16,579
Hope that bull's got a good chiropractor, right, Spike?

176
00:10:16,613 --> 00:10:18,046
Spike?

177
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:20,348
(CLOCK TICKING)

178
00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:27,050
(LAUGHS)

179
00:10:38,922 --> 00:10:40,389
Spike!

180
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(GRUNTS)

181
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(BOTH SCREAM)

182
00:10:56,429 --> 00:10:59,098
Good thing I wear an athletic cup.

183
00:11:01,765 --> 00:11:03,833
(SPIKE CHATTERING)

184
00:11:03,866 --> 00:11:06,735
What do you care how far the truck went?

185
00:11:06,768 --> 00:11:09,636
You're not the one hooping it.

186
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:12,570
What is that?

187
00:11:12,603 --> 00:11:17,206
A stencil board and some of the letters are still wet.

188
00:11:21,774 --> 00:11:25,609
The right combination of letters may lead us right to Muerto.

189
00:11:26,677 --> 00:11:28,244
"So paint."

190
00:11:28,278 --> 00:11:30,945
So I already did. Scrabble me, Spike.

191
00:11:33,747 --> 00:11:36,814
"Into spa", a bowling whirlpool?

192
00:11:36,848 --> 00:11:39,315
Doesn't sound pretty.

193
00:11:39,348 --> 00:11:42,717
No, think so, but spank you anyway. (inaudible)

194
00:11:46,885 --> 00:11:48,552
"To Spain."

195
00:11:49,020 --> 00:11:51,421
"To Spain."

196
00:11:51,454 --> 00:11:56,256
"To Spain."

197
00:11:56,290 --> 00:11:59,457
Duh!

198
00:11:59,491 --> 00:12:03,126
The stencil is used to address livestock shipping crates

199
00:12:03,159 --> 00:12:07,094
which means, I hope you like paella.

200
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:12,931
Buenas noches. Hey, Margarita, how are you?

201
00:12:12,964 --> 00:12:14,897
Nice taco to you.

202
00:12:14,930 --> 00:12:19,199
Buenos aires. Muchos burrito.

203
00:12:19,233 --> 00:12:22,768
You know, the Spanish take their siesta very seriously.

204
00:12:22,801 --> 00:12:25,369
(SNORING)

205
00:12:25,403 --> 00:12:30,004
Excuse me, you seem to be drooling.

206
00:12:30,038 --> 00:12:33,205
-Que? -Say, since you're awake,

207
00:12:33,239 --> 00:12:36,974
can you tell me where I can find a bull around here?

208
00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:41,576
(BULL BELLOWS)

209
00:12:41,610 --> 00:12:44,044
Well, I can see Waldo.

210
00:12:44,077 --> 00:12:47,478
Marty, if you're in there, click your hooves

211
00:12:47,512 --> 00:12:49,980
and we'll have you home in time for salsa.

212
00:12:50,013 --> 00:12:52,480
(BULL BELLOWS)

213
00:12:56,716 --> 00:13:00,384
I think we found our bull.

214
00:13:13,424 --> 00:13:17,292
"To Spain."

215
00:13:17,325 --> 00:13:20,093
Did I mention we found our bull?

216
00:13:21,593 --> 00:13:25,262
(SNORING)

217
00:13:31,465 --> 00:13:34,800
Si, si, si.

218
00:13:34,833 --> 00:13:36,100
Can you feel it?

219
00:13:36,133 --> 00:13:38,635
Huh? Huh? Huh?

220
00:13:38,668 --> 00:13:40,102
Oops.

221
00:13:43,737 --> 00:13:48,305
(GROANS)

222
00:13:49,406 --> 00:13:53,908
Oh, look, the goddess of spandex.

223
00:13:53,941 --> 00:13:57,643
Welcome to Pamplona, Senor Ventura.

224
00:13:59,177 --> 00:14:02,278
I mean, siestas are very overrated.

225
00:14:02,778 --> 00:14:05,280
I am El Matador.

226
00:14:05,313 --> 00:14:07,247
Save your bull torturing breath, El.

227
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:10,449
May I call you El? See if I got this right.

228
00:14:12,249 --> 00:14:13,616
Your name is El Matador the fourth,

229
00:14:13,650 --> 00:14:15,351
youngest member of the El Matador dynasty,

230
00:14:15,384 --> 00:14:17,785
a family whose whole race is in detre pardon my French,

231
00:14:17,819 --> 00:14:19,252
is killing innocent bulls for sport.

232
00:14:19,286 --> 00:14:23,221
But there's one family of bulls you cannot defeat, Morty.

233
00:14:24,321 --> 00:14:27,122
Your great grandfather, grandfather, father,

234
00:14:27,155 --> 00:14:29,757
even your triple jointed cousin Shirley,

235
00:14:29,790 --> 00:14:33,425
all got their butt swamped by these ruthless bulls.

236
00:14:33,459 --> 00:14:35,426
But you couldn't take a hint, could you?

237
00:14:35,460 --> 00:14:40,595
Instead of going into another line of work, say, flamenco dancing...

238
00:14:40,628 --> 00:14:45,997
you search the world for the last remaining member of the bull, Morty.

239
00:14:46,031 --> 00:14:48,232
But when San Fernando refused to sell him,

240
00:14:48,265 --> 00:14:52,100
you hired the fatman to bring him to you. Oye.

241
00:14:52,133 --> 00:14:55,801
Senor Ventura, you were quite the flamenco dancer.

242
00:14:55,835 --> 00:14:57,335
Spank you.

243
00:14:57,369 --> 00:15:00,970
Read my lips, Morty is a lover not a fighter.

244
00:15:01,003 --> 00:15:03,872
He's coming with me.

245
00:15:03,905 --> 00:15:06,506
It is my destiny to fight El Muerto

246
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:10,742
and no bad dressing Americano with funny hair

247
00:15:10,775 --> 00:15:12,009
will stop me.

248
00:15:12,042 --> 00:15:16,344
Oh, really?

249
00:15:17,211 --> 00:15:20,679
A LL: Torro! Torro! Torro!

250
00:15:21,513 --> 00:15:23,314
CROWD: Yeah!

251
00:15:23,347 --> 00:15:25,482
(ALL CHEERING AND LAUGHING)

252
00:15:27,549 --> 00:15:30,751
Do these tights make my butt look big?

253
00:15:30,784 --> 00:15:34,319
ALL: Torro! Torro! Torro!

254
00:15:35,386 --> 00:15:38,620
Ready, big fella? It's showtime.

255
00:15:38,653 --> 00:15:39,821
(GROWLS)

256
00:15:39,855 --> 00:15:42,722
Just follow my lead and you'll be back at Fernando's

257
00:15:42,756 --> 00:15:45,490
before you can say, "Ole!"

258
00:15:47,524 --> 00:15:48,825
Morty!

259
00:15:49,925 --> 00:15:51,593
Morty!

260
00:15:51,626 --> 00:15:54,527
ALL: Torro! Torro! Torro!

261
00:15:57,062 --> 00:15:59,163
(GRUNTS)

262
00:16:04,165 --> 00:16:06,333
Good, good. You're playing for the crowd.

263
00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:09,000
Just remember, me as amigo.

264
00:16:09,033 --> 00:16:14,369
(SCREAMING)

265
00:16:16,971 --> 00:16:19,205
(ALL CHEERING)

266
00:16:19,239 --> 00:16:21,906
♪ Go to sleep, go to sleep ♪

267
00:16:21,939 --> 00:16:24,774
♪ It is time for siesta ♪

268
00:16:24,807 --> 00:16:26,242
I'll tuck you in,

269
00:16:26,275 --> 00:16:28,642
read you a bedtime story about the little bull that could?

270
00:16:29,977 --> 00:16:33,211
(GRUNTS) All righty, then.

271
00:16:34,078 --> 00:16:36,413
Let me out.

272
00:16:36,446 --> 00:16:38,580
Help.

273
00:16:40,415 --> 00:16:43,516
Senor Lardus, what brings you to Spain?

274
00:16:43,549 --> 00:16:47,651
Oh, you are not here to take Muerto?

275
00:16:47,684 --> 00:16:49,051
The bull is yours.

276
00:16:49,085 --> 00:16:50,986
I want Ace Ventura.

277
00:16:51,019 --> 00:16:55,454
Drawn and quartered and stuffed with asparagus on a platter.

278
00:16:56,088 --> 00:16:59,189
(GROANS)

279
00:16:59,222 --> 00:17:02,424
(CROWD BOOING)

280
00:17:02,457 --> 00:17:07,959
Oh, yeah, why don't you come down and try it, you losers?

281
00:17:07,993 --> 00:17:11,628
(ALL CHEERING)

282
00:17:14,829 --> 00:17:19,765
Alto Los Picadors, your assistance I do not need.

283
00:17:19,799 --> 00:17:21,132
Healthy helpertons.

284
00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:22,699
(HORSE NEIGHS)

285
00:17:24,967 --> 00:17:27,568
En garde, sil vous plait.

286
00:17:30,070 --> 00:17:32,171
(ALL CHEERING)

287
00:17:33,638 --> 00:17:34,771
ALL: El Matador.

288
00:17:34,805 --> 00:17:39,607
Senors and senors, today's bullfight has been canceled

289
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:44,810
for the last bloodthirsty javelin throw and track and field meet.

290
00:17:44,843 --> 00:17:47,043
Oh.

291
00:17:47,076 --> 00:17:50,711
No, the El Muerto continues.

292
00:17:50,745 --> 00:17:53,380
Yeah!

293
00:17:56,548 --> 00:18:01,583
Senors and senors, we have, of course, El Matador.

294
00:18:01,616 --> 00:18:06,518
El Muerto, prepare to meet your doom.

295
00:18:06,552 --> 00:18:10,487
Tell me, El, do those tights come in a Scottish plaid?

296
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:15,622
I will uphold my family honor by defeating El Muerto

297
00:18:15,656 --> 00:18:19,858
and you have your own appointment with death.

298
00:18:24,393 --> 00:18:26,861
I have an appointment with the mummy?

299
00:18:28,361 --> 00:18:31,563
El Matador! El Matador!

300
00:18:31,596 --> 00:18:34,164
Hey, ole.

301
00:18:36,265 --> 00:18:40,400
Word in the barn is you couldn't even swat a Spanish fly?

302
00:18:40,433 --> 00:18:44,168
I will have your ear as my trophy.

303
00:18:44,202 --> 00:18:48,304
(GRUNTING AND GROWLING)

304
00:18:52,239 --> 00:18:54,507
(CROWD LAUGHING)

305
00:18:54,540 --> 00:18:58,308
Spank you. Gracias. Gracias.

306
00:18:59,008 --> 00:19:01,909
-(GROWLING) -(SCREAMING)

307
00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:07,312
Nice of you to join us, Spike.

308
00:19:07,345 --> 00:19:11,347
Now, steer that steed on out of here.

309
00:19:15,416 --> 00:19:20,751
I know the belt size, but I can't quite place the face.

310
00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:24,186
Hmm, evil fez wearing monkey.

311
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:28,088
Hey, Lard bottom.

312
00:19:28,122 --> 00:19:29,422
Mr. Ventura.

313
00:19:29,455 --> 00:19:34,190
You are about to feel the pain of a thousand papercuts.

314
00:19:34,224 --> 00:19:36,592
Can I sign your cast first?

315
00:19:38,159 --> 00:19:39,459
After him!

316
00:19:40,293 --> 00:19:43,795
Morty, Morty!

317
00:19:46,163 --> 00:19:48,597
Gee, let me think.

318
00:19:48,630 --> 00:19:53,832
Spain, Pamplona, running of the bulls, right on time.

319
00:19:59,401 --> 00:20:01,836
That's my bus, monkey man.

320
00:20:03,170 --> 00:20:05,104
(GRUNTING)

321
00:20:05,138 --> 00:20:07,072
(CAR HORN HONKS)

322
00:20:07,105 --> 00:20:08,572
(SCREAMS)

323
00:20:14,041 --> 00:20:17,042
Hey, no girls allowed.

324
00:20:17,076 --> 00:20:19,244
Well, do you see him?

325
00:20:23,246 --> 00:20:26,380
You will pay, Mr. Ventura!

326
00:20:26,413 --> 00:20:29,948
It ain't over till the fat man screams.

327
00:20:30,749 --> 00:20:32,483
(BULL BELLOWS)

328
00:20:32,517 --> 00:20:34,817
(SCREAMS)

329
00:20:34,850 --> 00:20:36,152
Now it's over.

330
00:20:36,185 --> 00:20:37,886
(LAUGHS)

331
00:20:40,019 --> 00:20:41,953
(BULL BELLOWS)

332
00:20:45,622 --> 00:20:48,856
(TRAIN RATTLING)

333
00:20:48,890 --> 00:20:51,591
Spike! Morty!

334
00:20:53,692 --> 00:20:55,760
(BULL BELLOWS)

335
00:20:57,060 --> 00:21:01,229
Spike, you made it, but where's Morty?

336
00:21:03,997 --> 00:21:08,565
Oh, the perfect accessory for that special bull in your life,

337
00:21:08,598 --> 00:21:10,699
the evil monkey hood ornament.

338
00:21:10,733 --> 00:21:13,001
(BULL BELLOWS)

339
00:21:13,034 --> 00:21:18,837
(SCREAMING)

340
00:21:22,505 --> 00:21:27,440
Break my bones and you'll break Sam Juniors little heart.

341
00:21:31,909 --> 00:21:38,412
Muerto, the gentlest bull in all of Mexico and Spain.

342
00:21:41,613 --> 00:21:45,415
Here you are, Morty, casa sweet casa.

343
00:21:45,448 --> 00:21:48,016
My bull, I missed you.

344
00:21:48,049 --> 00:21:50,417
Gracias, Senor Ace.

345
00:21:50,450 --> 00:21:52,151
It's times like this

346
00:21:52,185 --> 00:21:57,687
that I'm glad I stopped at the pet detective table on career day.

347
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:00,588
(ACE CRYING)

348
00:22:00,621 --> 00:22:03,722
(BULL GROWLS)

349
00:22:03,756 --> 00:22:07,524
(SCREAMING)

350
00:22:08,859 --> 00:22:12,360
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

350
00:22:13,305 --> 00:23:13,851
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