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This is the
story of an American hero,

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who became an American monster.

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In the not-too-distant
future, the United States

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will make a celebrated return
to capsule-based space travel.

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Such a mission requires men
of vision, men of strength,

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men of courage.

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Within this capsule is one
such man, Joseph Neumann.

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A good ol' American Joe.

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This capsule, along with its pilot,

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will rocket into space at
speeds of over 70 miles an hour.

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It will orbit the earth for seven hours,

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then if all goes according to plan,

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will return safely to
the planet's surface.

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What Joe does not yet know is

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things will not go according to plan.

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For Joe Neumann is about to
go into outer space as a man,

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but he will return as

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Inhumanwich!

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All right, that's 20 minutes
into the launch by my count.

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How's he doing?

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Orbit is holding steady.

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Good speed, plenty of fuel.

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He can stay up there for
days if he wanted to.

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All right, let's not
get ahead of ourselves.

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How's Joe?

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About as healthy as ever.

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I don't think I'd have
a heartbeat that steady

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if I were shot into space
by a rusty slingshot.

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What, right now?

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All right gentlemen, listen up.

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We're about to get a visit from

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the President of the United States.

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Not about to, Ed.

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You're getting it right now.

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Mr. President, Mrs. First Lady,

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I'd like to introduce you to Ed Farley,

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the Flight Director of the Argo One.

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It's an honor to meet
you, Mr. President.

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Honor's all mine, Farley.

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Heck of a place you got here.
- Thank you, thank you.

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Good to know our tax
dollars are going to good use.

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Yes sir indeed, it's good to know.

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Ed, would you care to
give the President a rundown

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on where we are with
the mission right now?

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Absolutely.

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Say this basketball is the earth,

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and this rubber ducky dressed as a pirate

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is the space capsule Argo One.

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Okay.

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11:45 a.m., Argo One
launched from Florida,

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quickly achieving orbit about three miles

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above earth's surface.

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At its current speed and velocity,

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it will be able to orbit
twice more around the planet,

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where it'll land right back
here around 8:00 p.m. tonight.

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And this Joe Neumann fellow,

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he's the one stuck
inside this contraption?

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Yes sir, he's the man for the job.

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About the damn finest pilot I've ever met.

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I can't wait to meet him.

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You won't need to wait Mr. President,

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it's time for our 12
o'clock video check-in.

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You mean, we get a video signal

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all the way out into space?

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Two-way communication
sir, just like a telephone.

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But with pictures?

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Yes sir.

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With pictures.

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We're ready to establish
the video uplink.

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All right, patch it through now.

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Mission Control, Argo One.

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Mission Control to Argo One.

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How you doing up there, Joe?

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Couldn't be better.

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The launch was pretty wild.

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Nothing quite like riding
a 10-ton Roman Candle

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to the top of the sky.

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Good to hear, and we got
somebody that would like to say

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a few words.

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Hello, Joe.

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Why hello, Mr. President.

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This sure is a big honor.

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Although I guess I should tell you,

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I voted for the other guy.

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Ha ha, I'm just kidding, I don't vote.

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Well, just wanted to let you know,

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all Americans are mighty
proud of what you're doing.

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It's another wonderful
achievement for the US of A.

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Gosh Mr. President,
that's really good to hear.

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All right Joe, enough small talk.

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Let's test out that
artificial gravity device

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of Dr. Chang's.

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Artificial gravity?

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Uh yes sir, the lack of gravity in space

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makes it difficult for
astronauts to endure long flights

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and Dr. Chang here has invented a way

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we may be able to fix all that.

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We're all set.

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Whenever you're ready, switch it on.

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Okay, here goes nothing.

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All system are holding steady.

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Say, this seems to be working just fine.

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That's amazing.

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How are you doing that, Joe?

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I'm afraid I don't understand

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all the ins and outs of it myself.

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I ought to let Dr.
Chang take it from here.

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He's the one who designed
this whole getup.

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Well, now the whole
thing's pretty complicated,

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and I'm no rocket scientist but,

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the basics go something like this.

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In order to replicate the complete force

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of earth's gravitational pull,

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we've placed a large super-powered
radioactive iron core

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in the bottom section
of the space capsule.

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Once activated, the iron
core's enormous density

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creates a great amount of force,

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which it would then use
to fuel a giant vacuum,

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which sucks everything inside
the capsule down to the floor,

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approximating earth's natural gravity.

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A vacuum cleaner in space?

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That's just what women need,

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another place where they
have to do housework.

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So you said this iron
watch am a call it is radioactive?

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Oh yes, extremely radioactive.

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Probably far, far more
radioactive than it will

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ever need to be in its
unimaginably long lifespan.

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But, not to worry, we've
taken every measure necessary

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to ensure the safe handling
of both the iron core

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and the vat of gallons upon
gallons of nuclear waste

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produced every minute
during the energy process.

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Why it would take

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quite the frightening catastrophe

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for anything to possibly
go wrong with any of this

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immeasurably radioactive materials.

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And we certainly aren't expecting any

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frightening catastrophes
anytime soon, right doc?

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Hmm, indeed.

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Well, I can see you have
all this under control.

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Why, only an absolute fool would even

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dare consider the possibility
of unexpected danger.

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Let me see that baseball trick again, son.

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Outstanding!

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Sorry to interrupt the
fun, but by my schedule,

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it's time for Joe's lunch break.

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All right, that's enough of the

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Rollie Fingers routine, Joe.

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Time for lunch.

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As long as it's okay
with you, Mr. President?

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Oh, don't let me get in the way.

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Astronauts can't zip around in outer space

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on an empty stomach.

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Let's see what Lisa
packed for me this time.

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Lisa's his wife, she's a heck of a cook.

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Hot dog!

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A sloppy joe.

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Oh, Lisa makes the best sloppy Joes!

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I wish I could be in
earth orbit right now.

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You said it.

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Ooh, I sure do like a good sloppy joe.

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All-American food.

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Ground beef, tomato sauce, diced onions.

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No onions here, Mr. President.

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My wife leaves them out,
on account of I'm allergic.

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I swell up like a balloon
and get very lethargic.

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It's like I can't move at all.

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I'm sorry to hear that, son.

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Don't be.

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Besides, there's no
real reason for me to be

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mentioning it at all.

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That Lisa must be some woman.

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Not like the ol' ball and chain over here,

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if you fellas know what I mean.

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Hey Ed, I'm getting some
strange readings on the radar.

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Yeah, me too.

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What do you make of this?

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That can't be.

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It goes against all of our calculations.

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What is it?

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What am I looking at?

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Meteors!

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Meteors?

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Meteors, Mr. President.

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Chunks of rock flying around in space,

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ranging in size from a
baked potato all the way to,

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oh say, Wisconsin.

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Oftentimes, these meteors get
pulled in by earth's gravity

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but they burn up while passing
through the atmosphere and

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land without causing
any significant damage.

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But the Argo One is flying
above the earth's atmosphere,

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where they retain their full
size and destructive power.

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Just how many of these
meteors are we talking about?

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Thousands, maybe millions.

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An entire meteor shower raining
down over the Indian Ocean.

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This wasn't scheduled to happen until,

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oh, yeah, right.

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All right, hey Joe, lunch is over.

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I need you buckled in and
ready for some trick maneuvers.

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You'll need to boost thrusters by 18%,

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and steer three degrees to your left.

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Wait...

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Yeah, that's right, your left.

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We've got more to worry about.

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I'm getting an excessive
amount of radiation

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from the Argo One's external sensors.

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The Hemmler Field!

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At this time of day?

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But how?

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What's the Hemmler Field?

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An intense mass of
deadly omega particles

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sort of locked in space, captured
by earth's magnetic field,

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hovering high above the atmosphere,

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right about where the
Argo One is in orbit.

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Usually quite harmless
but, a few years ago,

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Dr. Heinz Hemmler discovered
that certain sections

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of the particle field
could overload and become

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all too dangerous during
certain times of night.

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But it's not night.

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We specifically planned this
to be a daytime mission.

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But we forgot.

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You see, in America, it's daytime,

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but on the other side of
the world, it's night.

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Don't worry boys, I've seen worse.

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I flew in two wars,

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and shot down hundreds of enemy fighters,

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all while dodging artillery
heavier than this.

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If I can survive all that,

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I sure as heck can survive a meteor shower

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and a wall of radiation.

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Severe damage to the
artificial gravity unit.

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The whole system's ready to overload.

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Damn it Joe, hold it together up there!

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He's entered the Hemmler Field.

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What the?

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The waste from the core is spilling over.

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Shut down the artificial gravity unit.

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That should contain the leak.

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Nothing's happening.

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You'll have to switch
it off manually, Joe.

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That was quite fun.

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And I sure did learn a lot too.

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What say we three head on out,
grab some lunch of our own?

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That sounds fantastic.

245
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:20,637
You know, the cafeteria here
makes a mean Salisbury steak.

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If we hurry, we can probably grab some

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before they run out.

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Ed, fellas, you keep up the good work.

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Salisbury steak, yes sir.

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I like gravy!

251
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Hello?

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Lisa, it's Ed Farley here.

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Well hello, Ed Farley.

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It's great to hear your voice.

255
00:10:44,334 --> 00:10:46,550
How are things down at Mission Control?

256
00:10:46,551 --> 00:10:48,953
I've got some bad news, Lisa.

257
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What?

258
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Bad news, what is it?

259
00:10:51,446 --> 00:10:53,243
Are you sitting down?

260
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Am I sitting down?

261
00:10:54,286 --> 00:10:56,461
No, why, what's wrong?

262
00:10:56,462 --> 00:10:59,063
There's been a terrible accident.

263
00:10:59,064 --> 00:11:00,981
There's been a terrible accident?

264
00:11:00,982 --> 00:11:03,779
Oh no, is it Joe, what happened?

265
00:11:03,780 --> 00:11:06,105
Joe's ship, it flew through
a radioactive meteor shower,

266
00:11:06,106 --> 00:11:08,075
completely destroying
the ship's computers and

267
00:11:08,076 --> 00:11:09,473
causing some kind of malfunction that

268
00:11:09,474 --> 00:11:11,551
could have contaminated Joe.

269
00:11:11,552 --> 00:11:13,636
Right now, the ship is decaying in orbit,

270
00:11:13,637 --> 00:11:16,105
and we highly doubt that he'll
survive the impending crash.

271
00:11:16,106 --> 00:11:19,521
Joe's capsule flew through
a radioactive meteor storm

272
00:11:19,522 --> 00:11:22,377
and it completely destroyed
the ship's computers,

273
00:11:22,378 --> 00:11:25,663
causing a malfunction that
seems to have contaminated Joe?

274
00:11:25,664 --> 00:11:27,787
And his ship is now in a decaying orbit,

275
00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:30,997
and you highly doubt he'll
survive the impending crash?

276
00:11:30,998 --> 00:11:32,050
That's horrible!

277
00:11:32,051 --> 00:11:33,666
That's absolutely horrible!

278
00:11:33,667 --> 00:11:35,406
Whatever can I do?

279
00:11:35,407 --> 00:11:36,873
Not much at the moment, I'm afraid.

280
00:11:36,874 --> 00:11:38,252
Not much at the moment?

281
00:11:38,253 --> 00:11:39,781
Now you listen, Ed Farley.

282
00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:41,083
As the wife of an astronaut,

283
00:11:41,084 --> 00:11:43,278
I deserve to be involved somehow.

284
00:11:43,279 --> 00:11:45,900
After all, if he dies,
I'm obligated to serve

285
00:11:45,901 --> 00:11:48,109
the remainder of his term.

286
00:11:48,110 --> 00:11:49,066
All right Lisa.

287
00:11:49,067 --> 00:11:50,192
- What?
- Well listen, Dr. Chang...

288
00:11:50,193 --> 00:11:51,132
- What's that Ed?
- Went down to the cafeteria...

289
00:11:51,133 --> 00:11:52,210
- To get some lunch but when...
- You say Dr. Chang has gone

290
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:53,099
- He gets back, we're gonna...
- Down to the cafeteria

291
00:11:53,099 --> 00:11:53,932
- Start the calculations...
- For lunch?

292
00:11:53,932 --> 00:11:54,765
- Needed to figure out just...
- So when he returns...

293
00:11:54,765 --> 00:11:55,598
- Where Joe is going to come...
- You'll start the...

294
00:11:55,598 --> 00:11:56,431
- Crashing down in some sort...
- Calculations needed...

295
00:11:56,432 --> 00:11:57,625
- Of hellish blaze, smashing...
- To figure out where...

296
00:11:57,626 --> 00:11:58,750
- Into the earth's surface...
- Joe's ship is going to...

297
00:11:58,751 --> 00:11:59,584
- At speeds so great...
- Come crashing down in some...

298
00:11:59,584 --> 00:12:00,417
- No human being could...
- Hellish blaze, smashing...

299
00:12:00,418 --> 00:12:02,093
- Possibly survive, or you...
- Into the earth's surface...

300
00:12:02,094 --> 00:12:02,971
- Could come down to Mission...
- At speeds so great...

301
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:04,945
- Control to wait things out.
- No human being could

302
00:12:04,946 --> 00:12:07,020
- With us.
- Possibly survive?

303
00:12:07,021 --> 00:12:08,360
And in the meantime,
why don't I come on down

304
00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:10,855
to Mission Control, I can
wait things out there?

305
00:12:10,856 --> 00:12:12,547
Is that it, Ed?

306
00:12:12,548 --> 00:12:13,712
Yeah.

307
00:12:13,713 --> 00:12:15,340
Okay, I'll be right there.

308
00:12:15,341 --> 00:12:16,282
Oh hey Lisa, one more thing.

309
00:12:16,283 --> 00:12:17,615
On your way, could you bring...

310
00:12:20,424 --> 00:12:22,898
Man, this
is good Salisbury steak.

311
00:12:22,899 --> 00:12:24,165
Hey, what do they got with it, potatoes?

312
00:12:24,166 --> 00:12:25,981
Mashed potatoes, and I got the carrots.

313
00:12:25,982 --> 00:12:27,556
Yeah see, I'm not a
big cooked carrot fan.

314
00:12:27,557 --> 00:12:28,390
That's just an option,

315
00:12:28,391 --> 00:12:30,851
they also have green bean, corn,
and some sort of fruit cup.

316
00:12:30,852 --> 00:12:31,934
Now fruit cup, I could go for.

317
00:12:31,935 --> 00:12:33,147
Not a big fan of the fruit cup.

318
00:12:33,148 --> 00:12:34,087
Really?

319
00:12:34,088 --> 00:12:35,508
Yeah, pineapple, it gets everywhere,

320
00:12:35,509 --> 00:12:36,509
everything tastes like pineapple.

321
00:12:36,510 --> 00:12:37,343
You know how it is.

322
00:12:37,344 --> 00:12:39,307
I suppose so, but I
really like the pineapple.

323
00:12:39,308 --> 00:12:40,194
Now the fruit cup's your thing.

324
00:12:40,195 --> 00:12:41,224
Fruit cup's my thing.

325
00:12:41,225 --> 00:12:43,749
Dr. Chang, we've been
monitoring Joe's radio signal.

326
00:12:43,750 --> 00:12:45,020
Uh, wondering if you wanted an update.

327
00:12:45,021 --> 00:12:46,771
Yes, let's hear it.

328
00:12:51,687 --> 00:12:53,666
Hmm, well, that is to be expected.

329
00:12:53,667 --> 00:12:55,510
After all, won't be long
until Joe's crashing down

330
00:12:55,511 --> 00:12:57,640
in some hellish blaze, smashing
into the earth's surface

331
00:12:57,641 --> 00:13:00,777
at speeds so great, no human
being could possibly survive.

332
00:13:00,778 --> 00:13:03,400
Now let's see this map.

333
00:13:03,401 --> 00:13:05,309
Here are those calculations
you requested, doctor.

334
00:13:05,310 --> 00:13:06,738
These are the latest from the Computron?

335
00:13:06,739 --> 00:13:07,572
Yes, doctor.

336
00:13:07,573 --> 00:13:08,860
Hmm, very good.

337
00:13:08,861 --> 00:13:09,861
Let's see.

338
00:13:30,230 --> 00:13:32,116
Well, I got here as fast as I could.

339
00:13:32,117 --> 00:13:33,556
Well maybe you should try
a little harder next time.

340
00:13:33,557 --> 00:13:34,463
Any word on Joe?

341
00:13:34,463 --> 00:13:35,401
Yeah.

342
00:13:35,401 --> 00:13:36,401
Go ahead.

343
00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:42,656
Oh, my poor, poor Joe.

344
00:13:42,657 --> 00:13:44,902
You can help him, can't you, Ed?

345
00:13:44,903 --> 00:13:46,456
It's all up to Dr. Chang at this point.

346
00:13:46,457 --> 00:13:48,090
Yes, that's it!

347
00:13:48,091 --> 00:13:52,258
The Argo One is due to make
landfall right about here.

348
00:13:52,309 --> 00:13:53,719
In about five minutes, I'd say.

349
00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:55,236
Well that's
not too far from here.

350
00:13:55,237 --> 00:13:56,786
Yeah, that's Old Man Hampton's farm.

351
00:13:56,787 --> 00:13:58,373
I used to go cow-tipping
there when I was a boy.

352
00:13:58,374 --> 00:14:00,017
If we take this old back road here,

353
00:14:00,018 --> 00:14:01,867
we'll be there in no time.

354
00:14:01,868 --> 00:14:04,138
I'll get the medical kit.

355
00:14:04,139 --> 00:14:04,976
What is it?

356
00:14:04,977 --> 00:14:06,373
How recent are these latest readings?

357
00:14:06,374 --> 00:14:07,568
Hot off the presses.

358
00:14:07,569 --> 00:14:09,238
And you're certain about the accuracy?

359
00:14:09,239 --> 00:14:11,058
Oh, you know the Computron's
as good as it gets.

360
00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:12,554
There's nothing better on this planet.

361
00:14:12,555 --> 00:14:13,882
Then it's worse than I thought.

362
00:14:13,883 --> 00:14:16,874
The levels of radiation and
other toxins inside the Argo One

363
00:14:16,875 --> 00:14:19,962
are, why I've never seen
anything quite like it.

364
00:14:19,963 --> 00:14:21,190
The numbers are simply,

365
00:14:21,191 --> 00:14:24,450
for lack of a better word, astronomical.

366
00:14:24,451 --> 00:14:26,128
Well what does that mean for Joe?

367
00:14:26,129 --> 00:14:27,216
I'm not sure.

368
00:14:27,217 --> 00:14:28,345
I'll be able to say with more certainty

369
00:14:28,346 --> 00:14:29,968
once I see the inevitable wreckage.

370
00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:32,226
After all, with the Argo One crashing down

371
00:14:32,227 --> 00:14:35,091
in some hellish blaze, smashing
into the earth's surface

372
00:14:35,092 --> 00:14:38,407
at speeds so great, no human
being could possibly survive,

373
00:14:38,408 --> 00:14:40,641
I'd say a colossal dose
of radioactive materials

374
00:14:40,642 --> 00:14:43,017
would probably be the
least of Joe's concerns.

375
00:14:43,018 --> 00:14:45,649
I'd guess that a fiery
demise would be sweet,

376
00:14:45,650 --> 00:14:49,401
sweet relief, compared to the unholy agony

377
00:14:49,402 --> 00:14:51,681
that would await him
if he were to survive.

378
00:15:07,534 --> 00:15:08,886
But I'm sure he'll be just fine.

379
00:15:08,887 --> 00:15:10,009
Yeah, yeah.

380
00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:10,843
Let's go.

381
00:15:10,844 --> 00:15:12,386
Yeah, yeah.

382
00:15:12,387 --> 00:15:13,821
Ooh, I got shotgun.

383
00:15:20,046 --> 00:15:20,879
That's the sort of song

384
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:22,072
that makes you want to get a little closer

385
00:15:22,073 --> 00:15:23,383
to someone you love.

386
00:15:23,384 --> 00:15:24,871
Yeah, tell me about it.

387
00:15:24,872 --> 00:15:25,705
Now here's a little something

388
00:15:25,706 --> 00:15:26,893
for all the lovebirds out there called

389
00:15:26,894 --> 00:15:29,336
"Raincoats Are For Sailors".

390
00:15:29,337 --> 00:15:32,189
Let's make our own music, baby.

391
00:15:33,730 --> 00:15:35,166
Holy cow!

392
00:15:35,167 --> 00:15:36,194
What do you think that was?

393
00:15:36,195 --> 00:15:37,028
I, I don't know.

394
00:15:37,028 --> 00:15:37,963
Something going that fast,

395
00:15:37,964 --> 00:15:40,013
packing that much of a wallop,

396
00:15:40,014 --> 00:15:41,791
you know, I bet it was
that spaceship that crashed

397
00:15:41,792 --> 00:15:42,663
earlier today.

398
00:15:42,664 --> 00:15:43,799
The uh, what's it called?

399
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:45,024
The Argo One.

400
00:15:45,025 --> 00:15:46,195
The Argo One?

401
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:47,056
The Argo One.

402
00:15:47,057 --> 00:15:48,642
It was all over the news, didn't you hear?

403
00:15:48,643 --> 00:15:50,410
Something went haywire
while it was in orbit.

404
00:15:50,411 --> 00:15:52,531
The authorities figured it was
bound to come crashing down

405
00:15:52,532 --> 00:15:53,647
sooner or later.

406
00:15:53,648 --> 00:15:54,631
That's terrible.

407
00:15:54,632 --> 00:15:56,392
Yeah but, the astronauts
knew what kind of danger

408
00:15:56,393 --> 00:15:57,406
they were getting into.

409
00:15:57,407 --> 00:15:59,723
And besides, a rescue team
will be along soon enough.

410
00:15:59,724 --> 00:16:00,677
Oh.

411
00:16:00,678 --> 00:16:02,427
Now, where were we?

412
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:07,792
Tom, don't you think we
should go see if we can help?

413
00:16:07,793 --> 00:16:09,677
Oh, I don't know about that.

414
00:16:09,678 --> 00:16:11,845
But, there could be an
injured man out there.

415
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:13,404
And with these back roads, who
knows how long it would take

416
00:16:13,405 --> 00:16:14,983
for help to arrive?

417
00:16:14,984 --> 00:16:15,878
Yeah, but Betty...

418
00:16:15,879 --> 00:16:17,491
Tom, would you sit here and make out

419
00:16:17,492 --> 00:16:19,860
rather than help somebody?

420
00:16:19,861 --> 00:16:20,861
Yes?

421
00:16:21,633 --> 00:16:22,466
Get my coat.

422
00:16:22,467 --> 00:16:23,996
We're gonna find that spaceship.

423
00:16:23,997 --> 00:16:27,375
Oh okay but, I might need a
minute before I can stand up.

424
00:16:30,333 --> 00:16:31,623
I think I see it.

425
00:16:43,202 --> 00:16:44,202
Wow.

426
00:16:45,476 --> 00:16:48,159
Do you think anyone
could be alive in there?

427
00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:51,577
I don't know, only one way to find out.

428
00:16:53,268 --> 00:16:55,399
Hey, anyone alive in there?

429
00:16:56,695 --> 00:16:59,612
Don't worry, I'm gonna get you out.

430
00:17:03,466 --> 00:17:04,633
Get him out!

431
00:17:06,141 --> 00:17:07,141
Hurry up!

432
00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:10,029
Up there, there!

433
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,030
Right.

434
00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:15,702
You're gonna have to push.

435
00:17:15,703 --> 00:17:17,933
He wouldn't have to
push if you were stronger.

436
00:17:17,934 --> 00:17:19,524
Dr. Chang, you and I better get out now

437
00:17:19,525 --> 00:17:21,534
and make our way to
the crash site on foot.

438
00:17:21,535 --> 00:17:23,597
Floyd, Murray, you drive
around a little bit more,

439
00:17:23,598 --> 00:17:25,528
see if you can find a
closer place to park.

440
00:17:25,529 --> 00:17:27,022
And keep an eye on Lisa.

441
00:17:27,023 --> 00:17:29,292
I don't think she's
gonna like what we find.

442
00:17:29,293 --> 00:17:30,649
You got it.

443
00:17:34,706 --> 00:17:37,456
You're almost there, just push!

444
00:18:13,656 --> 00:18:14,656
No!

445
00:18:22,989 --> 00:18:26,011
Oh, oh Bugs Meany, you
are up to your old tricks.

446
00:18:26,012 --> 00:18:28,286
But you're not gonna get
away with it this time.

447
00:18:28,287 --> 00:18:29,314
That's right.

448
00:18:29,315 --> 00:18:32,787
Turn to page 110, and see the end.

449
00:18:32,788 --> 00:18:34,279
Yep, I was right.

450
00:18:45,267 --> 00:18:46,767
Oh, damn raccoons.

451
00:18:52,866 --> 00:18:54,633
Okay, who's out here?

452
00:19:01,652 --> 00:19:03,157
I can hear you out there.

453
00:19:17,213 --> 00:19:18,713
Great Santy Claus!

454
00:19:38,394 --> 00:19:39,394
No, no, no!

455
00:19:47,392 --> 00:19:49,599
Oh God, what a mess.

456
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:50,746
Yeah, there's no way you could survive

457
00:19:50,747 --> 00:19:52,652
an accident like that without
suffering a large amount

458
00:19:52,653 --> 00:19:54,025
of horrible mutilation.

459
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:55,670
You know, I've seen a lot
of horrible things in my time

460
00:19:55,671 --> 00:19:57,577
in the space industry,
but this takes the cake.

461
00:19:57,578 --> 00:19:58,694
Joe has gotta be walking through

462
00:19:58,695 --> 00:20:00,426
the pearly gates as we speak.

463
00:20:00,427 --> 00:20:02,759
Or dealing with Ol' Pitch
downstairs, is more like it.

464
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:04,742
I mean let's face it, Joe was no saint.

465
00:20:04,743 --> 00:20:06,292
You remember that weekend in Tallahassee

466
00:20:06,293 --> 00:20:07,492
when we bought all that bad ecstasy...

467
00:20:07,493 --> 00:20:08,436
- Oh my God...
- And Joe punched that cop

468
00:20:08,437 --> 00:20:09,454
in the face?

469
00:20:09,455 --> 00:20:11,483
And then we hired those
triplets for the whole day?

470
00:20:11,484 --> 00:20:13,590
He couldn't walk straight
for a week after that.

471
00:20:13,591 --> 00:20:15,393
Then we had to tell his
stupid wife it was a...

472
00:20:15,394 --> 00:20:16,872
Water ski accident!

473
00:20:17,705 --> 00:20:19,455
God, if I know Joe,
he is walking through

474
00:20:19,456 --> 00:20:21,375
the bowels of hell as we speak.

475
00:20:30,174 --> 00:20:31,150
But I'm sure he's...

476
00:20:31,151 --> 00:20:32,726
Fine, fine.

477
00:20:32,727 --> 00:20:33,727
Yeah.

478
00:20:36,965 --> 00:20:40,995
Say, what do you make
of this right here?

479
00:20:40,996 --> 00:20:43,851
Hmm, this looks like a skeleton.

480
00:20:43,852 --> 00:20:45,110
Could it be Joe?

481
00:20:45,111 --> 00:20:46,199
Doubtful.

482
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,737
This is the remains of a teenage female.

483
00:20:48,738 --> 00:20:50,109
Not a full-grown male.

484
00:20:50,110 --> 00:20:51,634
What do you think happened to her?

485
00:20:51,635 --> 00:20:54,195
Hmm, if I were to hazard a guess I'd say

486
00:20:54,196 --> 00:20:56,752
this girl was absorbed.

487
00:20:56,753 --> 00:20:57,718
Absorbed?

488
00:20:57,719 --> 00:20:59,565
Yes, see this residue here?

489
00:20:59,566 --> 00:21:02,483
This could be traces of, well, mmm.

490
00:21:10,562 --> 00:21:12,185
Mmm.

491
00:21:12,186 --> 00:21:13,082
If I didn't know any better,

492
00:21:13,083 --> 00:21:17,249
I'd say this was a case of
meat being consumed by meat.

493
00:21:18,023 --> 00:21:18,856
Meat?

494
00:21:18,857 --> 00:21:20,513
As in the girl's flesh?

495
00:21:20,514 --> 00:21:22,194
What animal could do this to her?

496
00:21:22,195 --> 00:21:24,700
Again, this is mere
speculation at this point but,

497
00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:26,799
this was no woodland creature
eating this poor girl

498
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,004
to the bone.

499
00:21:28,005 --> 00:21:30,769
This was, well I'd like
to take some samples,

500
00:21:30,770 --> 00:21:31,744
and get 'em back to the lab.

501
00:21:31,745 --> 00:21:33,075
I could be more certain then.

502
00:21:33,076 --> 00:21:35,289
It must be Joe, I just know it.

503
00:21:35,290 --> 00:21:37,531
Well actually, Lisa, Joe's
body wasn't in the capsule.

504
00:21:37,532 --> 00:21:39,233
We don't really know what happened to him.

505
00:21:39,234 --> 00:21:40,604
Are you sure?

506
00:21:40,605 --> 00:21:42,376
Not entirely, no.

507
00:21:42,377 --> 00:21:44,655
Based on these remains here,
it's quite possible Joe escaped

508
00:21:44,656 --> 00:21:47,915
from the Argo One, only to
meet with a more gruesome fate

509
00:21:47,916 --> 00:21:49,794
in these very woods.

510
00:21:54,394 --> 00:21:55,394
Grow a pair.

511
00:21:56,498 --> 00:21:57,832
Is this Joe's skeleton?

512
00:21:57,833 --> 00:22:00,202
Actually, these are the
remains of a teenage girl.

513
00:22:00,203 --> 00:22:01,036
What happened?

514
00:22:01,037 --> 00:22:03,205
Dr. Chang says
that she's been absorbed.

515
00:22:03,206 --> 00:22:04,927
You boys help me gather
up some samples but,

516
00:22:04,928 --> 00:22:05,761
be most careful.

517
00:22:05,762 --> 00:22:07,794
We don't want to contaminate
any of the specimens.

518
00:22:07,795 --> 00:22:09,801
Yeah, all right.

519
00:22:09,802 --> 00:22:11,438
You all right?

520
00:22:11,439 --> 00:22:13,205
Dr. Chang seems to have a hunch.

521
00:22:13,206 --> 00:22:14,997
And I'd sure like to know
if his hunch and my hunch

522
00:22:14,998 --> 00:22:16,581
are the same hunch.

523
00:22:18,194 --> 00:22:19,234
Floyd?
- Hmm?

524
00:22:19,235 --> 00:22:21,566
Take Dr. Chang back to the
lab, run some test results.

525
00:22:21,567 --> 00:22:22,512
See what you guys figure out.

526
00:22:22,512 --> 00:22:23,345
Right.

527
00:22:23,346 --> 00:22:24,526
Murray, I want you to come with us.

528
00:22:24,527 --> 00:22:25,567
These woods can be dangerous.

529
00:22:25,568 --> 00:22:26,544
All right.

530
00:22:26,545 --> 00:22:28,669
Floyd, go get the car.

531
00:22:28,670 --> 00:22:30,341
Take Dr. Chang back to the lab.

532
00:22:30,342 --> 00:22:32,200
See what you guys can figure
out with these specimens.

533
00:22:32,201 --> 00:22:33,034
Got it.

534
00:22:33,035 --> 00:22:34,309
Murray, you're coming with us.

535
00:22:34,310 --> 00:22:35,233
I could use backup.

536
00:22:35,234 --> 00:22:36,536
All right boss.

537
00:22:36,537 --> 00:22:38,627
Floyd, you and Dr.
Chang go back to the lab,

538
00:22:38,628 --> 00:22:39,748
see what you find.

539
00:22:39,749 --> 00:22:42,016
And Murray, you're coming with us.

540
00:22:42,017 --> 00:22:43,258
These woods can be dangerous,

541
00:22:43,259 --> 00:22:44,305
and I could use the backup.

542
00:22:44,306 --> 00:22:45,341
All right.

543
00:22:45,342 --> 00:22:47,367
Ed, I'd like to come with you too.

544
00:22:47,368 --> 00:22:50,071
If Joe is out there somewhere,
he may need my help.

545
00:22:50,072 --> 00:22:50,970
All right Lisa.

546
00:22:50,971 --> 00:22:52,474
But Murray, you might want to come too,

547
00:22:52,475 --> 00:22:54,279
just in case something goes wrong.

548
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:55,613
Let's do this.

549
00:23:18,721 --> 00:23:20,546
These tracks seem to be getting bigger.

550
00:23:20,547 --> 00:23:21,714
Yeah, weird.

551
00:23:32,525 --> 00:23:33,525
Got it.

552
00:23:34,195 --> 00:23:35,339
Ha!

553
00:23:39,783 --> 00:23:40,950
Is that Joe?

554
00:23:42,786 --> 00:23:45,430
No, I don't think that's Joe.

555
00:23:45,431 --> 00:23:47,488
My instincts tell me Joe is still alive.

556
00:23:47,489 --> 00:23:49,524
You don't think Joe killed those people?

557
00:23:49,525 --> 00:23:50,834
Joe?

558
00:23:50,835 --> 00:23:53,132
He may have been an A-hole but,

559
00:23:53,133 --> 00:23:54,983
I don't think Joe's a killer.

560
00:23:54,984 --> 00:23:56,886
There's no way he could
have done this unless he was

561
00:23:56,887 --> 00:23:59,992
really fast and had a lot of knives.

562
00:23:59,993 --> 00:24:02,301
Ed, Lisa, check this out.

563
00:24:02,302 --> 00:24:04,552
Trail keeps going this way.

564
00:24:05,854 --> 00:24:08,229
You think you can still do it?

565
00:24:08,230 --> 00:24:09,230
Good.

566
00:24:10,610 --> 00:24:12,479
Unless he had one of
those electric knives,

567
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:14,230
like at Thanksgiving.

568
00:24:17,868 --> 00:24:20,535
Hey guys, there's another one.

569
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:29,500
He's stripped clean, just like the others.

570
00:24:31,098 --> 00:24:33,012
How does he do it?

571
00:24:38,439 --> 00:24:40,638
Could be raccoons.

572
00:24:40,639 --> 00:24:42,482
Is that you, Joe?

573
00:24:56,471 --> 00:24:57,799
All right, ready?

574
00:24:57,800 --> 00:24:58,737
On three,

575
00:24:58,737 --> 00:24:59,570
one,

576
00:24:59,570 --> 00:25:00,403
two,

577
00:25:00,403 --> 00:25:01,403
three.

578
00:25:09,100 --> 00:25:10,517
It's no use, run!

579
00:25:15,267 --> 00:25:16,516
It's worse than I thought.

580
00:25:16,517 --> 00:25:17,709
Was that Joe?

581
00:25:17,710 --> 00:25:19,663
What could have turned
Joe into that thing?

582
00:25:19,664 --> 00:25:21,129
That's for Dr. Chang to figure out,

583
00:25:21,130 --> 00:25:22,714
but I'm betting it has something
to do with the accident

584
00:25:22,715 --> 00:25:24,145
over the Indian Ocean.

585
00:25:24,146 --> 00:25:25,931
There's gotta be something I can do.

586
00:25:25,932 --> 00:25:27,731
Some way to reason with him.

587
00:25:27,732 --> 00:25:29,921
Lisa, I don't think that
thing is capable of reason.

588
00:25:29,922 --> 00:25:32,184
That thing is my husband.

589
00:25:32,185 --> 00:25:33,414
Not anymore.

590
00:25:33,415 --> 00:25:35,264
Joe Neumann as we knew him doesn't exist.

591
00:25:35,265 --> 00:25:37,471
There's gotta be some
way we can fight it.

592
00:25:37,472 --> 00:25:40,412
If bullets don't work,
I don't know what can.

593
00:25:41,289 --> 00:25:42,251
Look!

594
00:25:42,252 --> 00:25:43,471
Oh, hey!

595
00:25:43,472 --> 00:25:44,472
Listen you!

596
00:25:52,645 --> 00:25:53,645
Come on!

597
00:26:00,504 --> 00:26:01,671
Keys!

598
00:26:05,168 --> 00:26:06,918
- The farmer!
- What?

599
00:26:07,993 --> 00:26:08,829
Lisa don't go!

600
00:26:08,829 --> 00:26:09,829
All right!

601
00:26:18,131 --> 00:26:19,131
Yeah!

602
00:26:26,645 --> 00:26:29,080
Come on!

603
00:26:29,081 --> 00:26:30,558
Come on!

604
00:26:30,559 --> 00:26:31,759
Yeah!

605
00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:33,086
Go!

606
00:26:42,011 --> 00:26:43,011
Doctor!

607
00:26:43,938 --> 00:26:45,314
Doctor!

608
00:26:45,315 --> 00:26:46,696
Most fascinating.

609
00:26:46,697 --> 00:26:48,361
The molecular structure is unlike anything

610
00:26:48,362 --> 00:26:50,053
I've ever seen before.

611
00:26:50,054 --> 00:26:51,054
Dr. Chang.

612
00:26:51,930 --> 00:26:53,181
Dr. Chang!

613
00:26:53,182 --> 00:26:54,067
What is it?

614
00:26:54,067 --> 00:26:54,962
We found Joe.

615
00:26:54,963 --> 00:26:57,110
You did, what happened?

616
00:26:57,111 --> 00:26:58,192
I don't know how to describe it.

617
00:26:58,193 --> 00:26:59,611
Then don't.

618
00:26:59,612 --> 00:27:01,142
It was horrible.

619
00:27:01,143 --> 00:27:02,523
Too impossible to believe.

620
00:27:02,524 --> 00:27:03,821
Then I won't.

621
00:27:03,822 --> 00:27:05,437
Let me take a guess.

622
00:27:05,438 --> 00:27:08,369
Joe has mutated into a
large, shapeless mass of

623
00:27:08,370 --> 00:27:11,074
loose ground beef and various
other ingredients including

624
00:27:11,075 --> 00:27:14,819
tomato sauce and various
other spices and seasonings.

625
00:27:14,820 --> 00:27:17,481
This mutated mass is capable
of absorbing the flesh

626
00:27:17,482 --> 00:27:19,768
of living creatures and, as it does so,

627
00:27:19,769 --> 00:27:23,936
continues to grow at a rate
only limited by its appetite.

628
00:27:24,228 --> 00:27:27,034
Joe Neumann as we know
him no longer exists.

629
00:27:27,035 --> 00:27:29,925
His consciousness replaced
with a simpler brain,

630
00:27:29,926 --> 00:27:33,392
one that is not capable of love or hate,

631
00:27:33,393 --> 00:27:34,476
good or evil,

632
00:27:35,596 --> 00:27:37,177
only hunger.

633
00:27:37,178 --> 00:27:39,428
Intense, unsatiable hunger.

634
00:27:40,745 --> 00:27:42,851
How do you know all this?

635
00:27:42,852 --> 00:27:44,690
Science, my dear girl.

636
00:27:44,691 --> 00:27:46,019
Science.

637
00:27:46,020 --> 00:27:48,650
A thorough analysis of the
samples we took from the crash

638
00:27:48,651 --> 00:27:50,499
last night told me
everything there is to know

639
00:27:50,500 --> 00:27:52,110
about Joe's transformation.

640
00:27:52,111 --> 00:27:55,159
For instance, while contact
with any part of the meat

641
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:58,553
while it's connected to the
mutated mass that we call Joe

642
00:27:58,554 --> 00:28:02,245
is deadly indeed, any residue
remaining in its wake,

643
00:28:02,246 --> 00:28:05,683
disconnected from the
mass as part of a trail,

644
00:28:05,684 --> 00:28:08,383
for lack of a better words,
is completely harmless.

645
00:28:08,384 --> 00:28:10,409
Delicious too, which is
funny 'cause it's usually

646
00:28:10,410 --> 00:28:12,924
the onion that give it
that nice, bold flavor,

647
00:28:12,925 --> 00:28:15,536
but seeing as Joe's mutation
didn't involve any onion,

648
00:28:15,537 --> 00:28:17,653
I guess it's something else in the recipe.

649
00:28:17,654 --> 00:28:20,446
Well, there's Worcestershire
sauce, that could be it.

650
00:28:20,447 --> 00:28:21,528
Or maybe mustard.

651
00:28:21,529 --> 00:28:24,188
The recipe does call
for a pinch of mustard.

652
00:28:24,189 --> 00:28:26,056
Could be the mustard.

653
00:28:26,057 --> 00:28:27,222
I mean, it tastes great.

654
00:28:27,223 --> 00:28:28,056
Not that it matters.

655
00:28:28,057 --> 00:28:29,124
I mean, there's no real logical reason

656
00:28:29,125 --> 00:28:30,568
for me saying any of this at all.

657
00:28:32,193 --> 00:28:34,339
This was one of the
few pleasant surprises

658
00:28:34,340 --> 00:28:37,234
I uncovered during my efforts
to understand the creature.

659
00:28:37,235 --> 00:28:38,300
Creature?

660
00:28:38,301 --> 00:28:40,933
Yes my dear, creature.

661
00:28:40,934 --> 00:28:44,805
We must no longer consider
this entity to be Joe Neumann,

662
00:28:44,806 --> 00:28:45,973
American hero.

663
00:28:46,962 --> 00:28:49,492
We must strike out all
notions that within this beast

664
00:28:49,493 --> 00:28:52,475
lies the heart of a caring husband.

665
00:28:52,476 --> 00:28:54,946
We must remained determined
in our belief that there is

666
00:28:54,947 --> 00:28:59,114
no hope, no, none at all,
for Joe as a human being.

667
00:29:00,813 --> 00:29:01,989
I won't believe it.

668
00:29:01,990 --> 00:29:03,433
I just won't.

669
00:29:03,434 --> 00:29:06,539
Hmm, believe what you
will, but this creature

670
00:29:06,540 --> 00:29:08,593
must be destroyed at all costs.

671
00:29:08,594 --> 00:29:10,906
The fate of the country, nay,

672
00:29:10,907 --> 00:29:14,027
the fate of the very world
itself depends on it.

673
00:29:14,028 --> 00:29:16,141
Now wait a minute doctor,
the fate of the world?

674
00:29:16,142 --> 00:29:16,975
Yes.

675
00:29:16,976 --> 00:29:18,326
The fate of the world.

676
00:29:18,327 --> 00:29:21,621
You see, Joe will continue to grow,

677
00:29:21,622 --> 00:29:25,789
not only with every victim he
devours, but with time itself.

678
00:29:26,352 --> 00:29:27,611
Let's see.

679
00:29:27,612 --> 00:29:30,131
The transformation started
around 18 hours ago

680
00:29:30,132 --> 00:29:33,568
and began taking full effect
during the crash last night.

681
00:29:33,569 --> 00:29:36,007
I'd estimate that, by later tonight,

682
00:29:36,008 --> 00:29:37,613
the creature's mass will
have grown large enough

683
00:29:37,614 --> 00:29:41,781
to cover a city the size
of, oh, say, Cincinnati.

684
00:29:42,457 --> 00:29:43,605
The Queen City?

685
00:29:43,606 --> 00:29:45,821
Perhaps the whole tri-state area.

686
00:29:45,822 --> 00:29:47,461
You're telling me this
thing is gonna keep on growing

687
00:29:47,462 --> 00:29:49,363
until it can devour Cincinnati?

688
00:29:49,364 --> 00:29:51,880
Oh no, it's quite worse than that.

689
00:29:51,881 --> 00:29:54,731
You see, if the creature
does envelop that city first,

690
00:29:54,732 --> 00:29:56,488
and I believe that it will,

691
00:29:56,489 --> 00:29:58,943
Cincinnati is the chili
capital of the world.

692
00:29:58,944 --> 00:30:01,753
This will ensure that it
ingests an usually high amount

693
00:30:01,754 --> 00:30:05,921
of spiced ground beef, thus
accelerating its growth rate.

694
00:30:06,213 --> 00:30:08,953
By tomorrow morning, the
creature will have grown

695
00:30:08,954 --> 00:30:11,387
large enough to cover the entire Midwest.

696
00:30:11,388 --> 00:30:14,082
By tomorrow night, the entire country.

697
00:30:14,083 --> 00:30:18,250
By this time next week, the entire planet.

698
00:30:18,341 --> 00:30:19,341
Good God!

699
00:30:20,093 --> 00:30:20,989
Yes.

700
00:30:20,990 --> 00:30:24,072
That's just what the Hebrews thought.

701
00:30:26,765 --> 00:30:28,241
Well I for one am not
gonna just stand around

702
00:30:28,242 --> 00:30:29,713
and wait for the world to be destroyed

703
00:30:29,714 --> 00:30:32,285
by some mutated astronaut.

704
00:30:32,286 --> 00:30:34,711
Get me General Graham.

705
00:30:34,712 --> 00:30:37,514
What in the Sam Hill's an Argo Eye?

706
00:30:37,515 --> 00:30:39,514
The Argo One, sir.

707
00:30:39,515 --> 00:30:42,120
Humanity's grand return to
capsule-based space travel.

708
00:30:42,121 --> 00:30:43,127
Launched into orbit yesterday.

709
00:30:43,128 --> 00:30:45,040
Its mission was to run various tests,

710
00:30:45,041 --> 00:30:47,692
as to the feasibility of
expanding the Argo Program,

711
00:30:47,693 --> 00:30:49,699
the manned voyages to the moon, mars,

712
00:30:49,700 --> 00:30:52,625
and one day, the outer planets.

713
00:30:52,626 --> 00:30:54,184
Spaceship, huh?

714
00:30:54,185 --> 00:30:56,408
That's all we need, more
poindexters poking around

715
00:30:56,409 --> 00:30:57,656
in outer space.

716
00:30:57,657 --> 00:31:00,043
And that money could go to
good ol' defense right here

717
00:31:00,044 --> 00:31:01,216
on planet earth.

718
00:31:01,217 --> 00:31:02,360
Yes sir.

719
00:31:02,361 --> 00:31:03,601
And now that pop bottle crashed

720
00:31:03,602 --> 00:31:05,688
and the pilot's on some sort of rampage?

721
00:31:05,689 --> 00:31:06,529
Yes sir.

722
00:31:06,530 --> 00:31:08,572
The craft went through a
heavy field of radiation,

723
00:31:08,573 --> 00:31:09,723
which is common enough.

724
00:31:09,724 --> 00:31:12,211
That's why you never saw
John Glenn's legs on TV

725
00:31:12,212 --> 00:31:13,685
after he returned from orbit.

726
00:31:13,686 --> 00:31:16,806
The space radiation
turned him into a merman.

727
00:31:16,807 --> 00:31:17,640
The Glenn incident aside,

728
00:31:17,641 --> 00:31:19,759
most of the mutations have minimal effect,

729
00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:21,366
and they're easily kept under wraps.

730
00:31:21,367 --> 00:31:23,586
Uh, Neil Armstrong's third arm,

731
00:31:23,587 --> 00:31:25,116
Jim Lovell's glow in the dark skin,

732
00:31:25,117 --> 00:31:26,612
that sort of thing.

733
00:31:26,613 --> 00:31:27,973
This time however,

734
00:31:27,974 --> 00:31:29,827
the combination of additional catastrophes

735
00:31:29,828 --> 00:31:31,917
exacerbated the mutation,

736
00:31:31,918 --> 00:31:36,085
turning this monster into an
unstoppable killing machine.

737
00:31:36,322 --> 00:31:39,107
And now once again, the
brainiacs need Uncle Sam's Army

738
00:31:39,108 --> 00:31:40,634
to get them out of a pickle.

739
00:31:40,635 --> 00:31:41,985
Yes sir.

740
00:31:41,986 --> 00:31:44,673
Well corporal, let's
go do what we do best.

741
00:31:44,674 --> 00:31:47,341
Let's blow us up a meat monster.

742
00:32:04,422 --> 00:32:05,816
Looks like Joe's on the move again.

743
00:32:05,817 --> 00:32:08,390
They found three bodies at
a house, 227 Bridge Street.

744
00:32:08,391 --> 00:32:10,351
The remains of a dog in the woods.

745
00:32:10,352 --> 00:32:12,267
Oh, that poor dog.

746
00:32:12,268 --> 00:32:13,636
Yeah, and three people.

747
00:32:13,637 --> 00:32:17,804
What a shame to kill a poor,
innocent puppy like that.

748
00:32:18,337 --> 00:32:19,368
And three people.

749
00:32:19,369 --> 00:32:21,202
That poor, poor dog.

750
00:32:22,736 --> 00:32:24,056
Floyd, load the car.

751
00:32:24,057 --> 00:32:25,847
A few witnesses said the creature
went back into the woods.

752
00:32:25,848 --> 00:32:28,744
We should be able to follow
the trail from there.

753
00:32:28,745 --> 00:32:31,236
Get me General Graham.

754
00:32:31,237 --> 00:32:32,237
Again.

755
00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:37,306
That was Ed Farley
down in Mission Control.

756
00:32:37,307 --> 00:32:39,453
Said there was reports
of a monster sighting

757
00:32:39,454 --> 00:32:43,537
over there on Bridge
Street, which is right here.

758
00:32:44,527 --> 00:32:46,805
Says that thing leaves a
pretty noticeable trail.

759
00:32:46,806 --> 00:32:48,616
I say we follow that
trail as far as it goes,

760
00:32:48,617 --> 00:32:52,784
and send that SOB meat
monster right back to hell.

761
00:32:55,564 --> 00:32:56,797
That's a good plan, sir.

762
00:32:56,798 --> 00:32:58,199
Thanks.

763
00:33:27,828 --> 00:33:30,161
Come on, come on, come on!

764
00:33:34,605 --> 00:33:37,467
Ed Farley, you old so-and-so,
it's good to see you again.

765
00:33:37,468 --> 00:33:39,177
I just wish it was under
better circumstances, General.

766
00:33:39,178 --> 00:33:40,135
Let me show you what we're dealing with.

767
00:33:40,136 --> 00:33:41,856
All right.

768
00:33:41,857 --> 00:33:42,705
It's over here?

769
00:33:42,706 --> 00:33:44,125
Just uh, yeah, it's,

770
00:33:44,126 --> 00:33:45,757
you roll, you roll.

771
00:33:45,758 --> 00:33:47,198
One more here, one more.

772
00:33:47,199 --> 00:33:48,199
Oh.

773
00:33:50,966 --> 00:33:52,648
Dr. Chang, this is General Graham.

774
00:33:52,649 --> 00:33:53,649
Graham, Chang.

775
00:33:55,445 --> 00:33:57,895
There's one more inside,
and another around the back.

776
00:33:57,896 --> 00:33:59,194
Not to mention some canine remains

777
00:33:59,195 --> 00:34:00,893
we found in the woods back there.

778
00:34:00,894 --> 00:34:02,538
Oh, that poor dog.

779
00:34:02,539 --> 00:34:04,222
All killed the same way.

780
00:34:04,223 --> 00:34:08,305
Flesh, tissue, internal
organs, all stripped clean.

781
00:34:08,306 --> 00:34:10,915
So this uh, this thing
really is eating everything

782
00:34:10,916 --> 00:34:11,749
in its path?

783
00:34:11,750 --> 00:34:13,039
Mainly animal matter.

784
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:14,928
Yeah, and bullets
aren't stopping it either.

785
00:34:14,929 --> 00:34:16,254
Well, we'll see about that.

786
00:34:16,255 --> 00:34:19,265
Hey guys come here, I
think I found something.

787
00:34:19,266 --> 00:34:20,275
All right look, I think I found this guy,

788
00:34:20,276 --> 00:34:22,938
he might be a witness,
he said he saw something.

789
00:34:22,939 --> 00:34:24,290
This gentlemen here, Mr...

790
00:34:24,291 --> 00:34:26,023
James Magrish.

791
00:34:26,024 --> 00:34:28,349
I live across the
street, right over there.

792
00:34:28,350 --> 00:34:29,443
Yeah, he found the thing.

793
00:34:29,444 --> 00:34:30,292
He told me, uh,

794
00:34:30,293 --> 00:34:31,636
I'm sorry, how did you describe it?

795
00:34:31,637 --> 00:34:34,781
Well first off, you
should know, I'm no snoop.

796
00:34:34,782 --> 00:34:38,307
And I don't make a habit
of spying on my neighbors.

797
00:34:38,308 --> 00:34:40,604
And I certainly don't sit
in front of the window

798
00:34:40,605 --> 00:34:44,263
for 12 hours every day
waiting for the young lady

799
00:34:44,264 --> 00:34:47,156
who lives here to, to
put on a white T-shirt

800
00:34:47,157 --> 00:34:48,990
and go out and wash her car.

801
00:34:48,991 --> 00:34:51,912
And no sir, that's just not my style to

802
00:34:51,913 --> 00:34:56,080
set up a camera at the bedroom window and

803
00:34:56,158 --> 00:34:58,796
hoping that, that uh,
someone forgets to uh,

804
00:34:58,797 --> 00:35:02,412
close the curtains
before getting undressed.

805
00:35:02,413 --> 00:35:04,238
That thought never crossed my mind.

806
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:06,102
Now, I'm no snoop.

807
00:35:06,103 --> 00:35:07,663
Of course you're not.

808
00:35:07,664 --> 00:35:09,446
Now, about the thing that you say you saw?

809
00:35:09,447 --> 00:35:10,280
Hmm?

810
00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:11,113
Oh yeah.

811
00:35:11,114 --> 00:35:15,280
Well, it's like a, a, a mass
that gets bigger and bigger.

812
00:35:16,201 --> 00:35:18,937
It's sort of chocolate brown and lumpy.

813
00:35:18,938 --> 00:35:22,041
Almost meaty but not
quite pulled pork though.

814
00:35:22,042 --> 00:35:24,709
More like uh, chili or uh, uh...

815
00:35:25,959 --> 00:35:28,435
A sloppy joe sandwich?

816
00:35:28,436 --> 00:35:30,917
Yeah, like a sloppy joe sandwich.

817
00:35:30,918 --> 00:35:35,085
Anyway, this thing leaps
out the front door and

818
00:35:35,467 --> 00:35:38,080
eats a big fellow and, and,

819
00:35:38,081 --> 00:35:40,095
ooh, a terrible way to go, I say.

820
00:35:40,096 --> 00:35:42,392
Yes sir, a terrible way to go.

821
00:35:42,393 --> 00:35:43,226
Then what?

822
00:35:43,227 --> 00:35:46,569
Well it, it, it uh,
leaps out the front door,

823
00:35:46,570 --> 00:35:50,640
eats that big fellow and
crawls off the front porch

824
00:35:50,641 --> 00:35:54,451
and right around here and,
well, it's the darnedest thing.

825
00:35:54,452 --> 00:35:57,975
The, the garage door
was closed but, but uh,

826
00:35:57,976 --> 00:36:01,037
must have, must have found
a big enough opening because

827
00:36:01,038 --> 00:36:04,736
the next thing I know, it
squeezed itself inside.

828
00:36:04,737 --> 00:36:05,851
Haven't seen it since.

829
00:36:05,852 --> 00:36:06,908
We checked around back.

830
00:36:06,909 --> 00:36:08,458
There's a door there, but it's locked.

831
00:36:08,459 --> 00:36:10,036
The only way in and out is the garage.

832
00:36:10,037 --> 00:36:12,129
Well, it's still gotta be in there.

833
00:36:12,130 --> 00:36:14,284
I uh, I watched it all this time,

834
00:36:14,285 --> 00:36:16,229
and didn't see anything leave.

835
00:36:16,230 --> 00:36:17,823
Well thank you very much
for your help, Mr. Magrish.

836
00:36:17,824 --> 00:36:18,657
Thank you.

837
00:36:18,658 --> 00:36:21,240
Always want to do what I can.

838
00:36:22,205 --> 00:36:23,782
Looks like we got this thing cornered.

839
00:36:23,783 --> 00:36:24,810
What do you think, corporal?

840
00:36:24,811 --> 00:36:25,973
I think we'll wrap this up quick

841
00:36:25,974 --> 00:36:27,471
and be home in time for dinner, sir.

842
00:36:27,472 --> 00:36:30,639
All right, let's get this door open.

843
00:36:32,438 --> 00:36:33,550
No good, sir.

844
00:36:33,551 --> 00:36:35,454
It's stuck, sir.

845
00:36:35,455 --> 00:36:36,658
Let's give 'em a hand.

846
00:36:47,826 --> 00:36:49,021
No!

847
00:36:49,022 --> 00:36:49,855
No!

848
00:36:49,855 --> 00:36:50,855
No!

849
00:36:52,165 --> 00:36:54,332
Oh, I did nothing wrong!

850
00:37:02,096 --> 00:37:02,957
Oh my God!

851
00:37:02,957 --> 00:37:03,790
Help me!

852
00:37:03,790 --> 00:37:04,790
Save me!

853
00:37:05,613 --> 00:37:06,755
It's got my legs!

854
00:37:06,756 --> 00:37:08,173
It's got my legs!

855
00:37:09,486 --> 00:37:11,016
Come on, we got you!

856
00:37:18,003 --> 00:37:20,394
Now we do things my way.

857
00:37:20,395 --> 00:37:21,965
You still got your femur.

858
00:37:21,966 --> 00:37:23,346
You still got your femur.

859
00:37:23,347 --> 00:37:24,442
Let him have it, boys.

860
00:37:39,052 --> 00:37:40,195
That ought to do it.

861
00:37:47,428 --> 00:37:48,522
Is it dead?

862
00:37:48,523 --> 00:37:50,147
I can't say for certain.

863
00:37:50,148 --> 00:37:50,981
These readings only tell me

864
00:37:50,982 --> 00:37:53,055
there's no living creature inside.

865
00:37:53,056 --> 00:37:53,914
Good enough for me.

866
00:37:53,915 --> 00:37:55,331
Let's open it up.

867
00:38:15,532 --> 00:38:16,365
It's gone.

868
00:38:16,366 --> 00:38:17,994
Must have found a way
how to unlock that door

869
00:38:17,995 --> 00:38:19,428
from the inside.

870
00:38:19,429 --> 00:38:20,710
Very crafty.

871
00:38:20,711 --> 00:38:21,840
Lieutenant.
- Yes sir.

872
00:38:21,841 --> 00:38:23,357
That man needs a medic.

873
00:38:23,358 --> 00:38:24,191
Help him out.

874
00:38:24,192 --> 00:38:27,071
Everyone else, let's go bag
us a flesh eating mutant.

875
00:38:50,048 --> 00:38:51,931
Get a look at this.

876
00:38:51,932 --> 00:38:54,521
With all this mud, I can't
tell where the trail goes.

877
00:38:54,522 --> 00:38:55,962
Clever, very clever.

878
00:38:55,963 --> 00:38:56,982
Lieutenant.
- Yes sir.

879
00:38:56,983 --> 00:38:58,074
How's your tracking skills?

880
00:38:58,075 --> 00:38:59,104
Can you sort out this mess?

881
00:38:59,105 --> 00:39:00,907
I can sir.

882
00:39:00,908 --> 00:39:01,975
By the time we find that trail,

883
00:39:01,976 --> 00:39:03,338
the creature could be anywhere.

884
00:39:03,339 --> 00:39:05,786
He might be easier
to find than you think.

885
00:39:05,787 --> 00:39:06,891
He's still hungry.

886
00:39:06,892 --> 00:39:08,880
And he's getting hungrier by the minute.

887
00:39:08,881 --> 00:39:11,554
He'll head somewhere where
there's a large group of people.

888
00:39:11,555 --> 00:39:14,555
And when he does, God help them all.

889
00:39:16,154 --> 00:39:17,700
Nice day for a picnic, Father.

890
00:39:17,701 --> 00:39:19,065
It most certainly is, Harry.

891
00:39:19,066 --> 00:39:20,662
It most certainly is.

892
00:39:20,663 --> 00:39:21,782
Don't work yourself too hard.

893
00:39:21,783 --> 00:39:24,185
Be sure to come by and get
yourself something to drink

894
00:39:24,186 --> 00:39:25,300
when you're done setting up.

895
00:39:25,301 --> 00:39:27,097
I'm gonna.

896
00:39:27,098 --> 00:39:28,761
Sherry, hello.

897
00:39:28,762 --> 00:39:30,660
Beautiful day for a
picnic, wouldn't you say?

898
00:39:30,661 --> 00:39:31,728
You bet.

899
00:39:31,729 --> 00:39:33,014
Care for some punch, Father?

900
00:39:33,015 --> 00:39:36,293
I would love some, thank you.

901
00:39:36,294 --> 00:39:37,127
Hi, Sherry.

902
00:39:37,128 --> 00:39:38,505
Hey, Mitch.

903
00:39:38,506 --> 00:39:39,910
You brought your guitar.

904
00:39:39,911 --> 00:39:42,261
Yeah, I thought I might
sing a couple of songs.

905
00:39:42,262 --> 00:39:45,189
That is, if Father Corrigan
says it's all right.

906
00:39:45,190 --> 00:39:47,103
How about it, Father?

907
00:39:47,104 --> 00:39:48,942
Why, I think that's a terrific idea.

908
00:39:48,943 --> 00:39:50,616
I'd love to hear some
of that rock and roll

909
00:39:50,617 --> 00:39:52,478
I've heard so much about.

910
00:39:52,479 --> 00:39:55,094
I might look square,
as you kids would say,

911
00:39:55,095 --> 00:39:58,370
but I'd like to think
that I'm still in it.

912
00:39:58,371 --> 00:40:00,263
You mean with it, Father.

913
00:40:00,264 --> 00:40:01,373
Oh right.

914
00:40:07,443 --> 00:40:08,685
What was I thinking?

915
00:40:08,686 --> 00:40:09,769
Oh, Father.

916
00:40:11,995 --> 00:40:14,795
Hey everybody, Mitch
is gonna sing a song!

917
00:40:19,181 --> 00:40:21,296
Okay everybody, this
is a very special song

918
00:40:21,297 --> 00:40:23,764
I wrote for a very special gal.

919
00:40:23,765 --> 00:40:27,765
♫ A-one, a-two, a-one two three

920
00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:34,287
♫ A-my baby, she's as cute as she can be

921
00:40:34,435 --> 00:40:38,602
♫ Well my baby, she's
as cute as she can be

922
00:40:38,831 --> 00:40:40,984
♫ From her eyes to her knees

923
00:40:40,985 --> 00:40:43,325
♫ To her 36C's

924
00:40:43,326 --> 00:40:47,493
♫ My baby, she's as cute as she can be

925
00:40:47,818 --> 00:40:51,985
♫ A-my baby, she don't love no one but me

926
00:40:52,064 --> 00:40:56,231
♫ Well my baby, she
don't love no one but me

927
00:40:56,421 --> 00:40:58,851
♫ I go over to her place

928
00:40:58,852 --> 00:41:01,196
♫ But I can't get to second base

929
00:41:01,197 --> 00:41:05,364
♫ A-my baby, she don't love no one but me

930
00:41:06,157 --> 00:41:07,446
Woo hoo hoo!

931
00:41:07,447 --> 00:41:09,600
I have worked up an appetite.

932
00:41:09,601 --> 00:41:11,168
There's plenty of food up here.

933
00:41:11,169 --> 00:41:12,002
Help yourself.

934
00:41:12,003 --> 00:41:13,793
I'm going to.

935
00:41:13,794 --> 00:41:15,651
The ladies have really
outdone themselves this year.

936
00:41:15,652 --> 00:41:18,485
You can say that again, partner.

937
00:41:23,346 --> 00:41:27,513
♫ Her daddy, he doesn't care for me

938
00:41:27,662 --> 00:41:31,829
♫ No her daddy, he doesn't care for me

939
00:41:32,218 --> 00:41:34,405
♫ Well I took her to the dance

940
00:41:34,406 --> 00:41:37,076
♫ But I couldn't get in
her father's good graces

941
00:41:37,077 --> 00:41:40,396
♫ Her daddy, he don't care for me

942
00:41:40,397 --> 00:41:41,397
What the?

943
00:41:52,044 --> 00:41:52,999
Hang on, Harry!

944
00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:55,666
Everything's gonna be just fine!

945
00:42:03,334 --> 00:42:04,334
Oh, balls.

946
00:42:17,033 --> 00:42:18,644
You hear that?

947
00:42:18,645 --> 00:42:20,783
It's this way, let's go!

948
00:42:20,784 --> 00:42:21,778
Get on the horn to headquarters,

949
00:42:21,779 --> 00:42:24,195
we're gonna need some backup.

950
00:42:31,048 --> 00:42:32,425
What is it?

951
00:42:32,426 --> 00:42:33,916
I don't know.

952
00:42:33,917 --> 00:42:36,891
But we better get to safety.

953
00:42:36,892 --> 00:42:40,059
You go over there, keep your distance.

954
00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:43,788
Okay, when I give the word,

955
00:42:43,789 --> 00:42:45,736
you plug this into the shed over there.

956
00:42:45,737 --> 00:42:46,905
I'm gonna give that thing a sense of what

957
00:42:46,906 --> 00:42:48,589
120 volts feels like.

958
00:42:48,590 --> 00:42:49,673
You got it.

959
00:42:55,418 --> 00:42:57,658
Tell mom I love her!

960
00:42:57,659 --> 00:42:58,924
Sucker!

961
00:43:12,475 --> 00:43:13,595
Now, why didn't that work?

962
00:43:14,247 --> 00:43:15,668
Aw, who taught you how to shoot?

963
00:43:15,669 --> 00:43:17,169
You missed it completely.

964
00:43:17,170 --> 00:43:18,566
Mitch!

965
00:43:18,567 --> 00:43:22,484
General I'm telling
you, bullets are useless.

966
00:43:24,468 --> 00:43:25,614
- Corporal.
- Yes sir.

967
00:43:25,615 --> 00:43:26,583
How's your throwing arm?

968
00:43:26,583 --> 00:43:27,468
Top shape, sir.

969
00:43:27,469 --> 00:43:28,968
Let him have it!

970
00:43:41,067 --> 00:43:42,984
Grenades don't kill it.

971
00:43:43,927 --> 00:43:45,548
Maybe not from the outside.

972
00:43:45,549 --> 00:43:46,761
It's time for a little
thing I picked up in

973
00:43:46,762 --> 00:43:48,939
Operation Carrot Top.

974
00:43:48,940 --> 00:43:51,040
Lieutenant, I want you
to take this pineapple

975
00:43:51,041 --> 00:43:52,477
and get inside that creature.

976
00:43:52,478 --> 00:43:53,659
Now once you're inside that creature,

977
00:43:53,660 --> 00:43:55,225
you want to pull this little pin here

978
00:43:55,226 --> 00:43:57,123
and make it out of there tout de suite.

979
00:43:57,124 --> 00:43:58,458
Now I'm not gonna lie to you, son.

980
00:43:58,459 --> 00:43:59,805
It's gonna be pretty dangerous.

981
00:43:59,806 --> 00:44:01,039
And you might not make it back.

982
00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:03,404
But if you do, they'll
give you a medal for sure.

983
00:44:03,405 --> 00:44:04,579
But I'm gonna tell you right now,

984
00:44:04,580 --> 00:44:06,357
we don't do this kind of
thing for medals, do we?

985
00:44:06,358 --> 00:44:08,644
No we don't, we do this
because we protect our country

986
00:44:08,645 --> 00:44:09,857
we're sworn to protect.

987
00:44:09,858 --> 00:44:11,729
Now go out there and show Lady Liberty

988
00:44:11,730 --> 00:44:13,406
how much you love her!

989
00:44:22,203 --> 00:44:23,858
Look!

990
00:44:23,859 --> 00:44:24,859
Joe!

991
00:44:26,308 --> 00:44:27,308
Joe!

992
00:44:28,399 --> 00:44:29,545
Joe?

993
00:44:29,546 --> 00:44:31,677
Joe, I know you're still in there.

994
00:44:31,678 --> 00:44:34,473
I know you still remember
what it's like to be human,

995
00:44:34,474 --> 00:44:36,611
what it's like to love.

996
00:44:36,612 --> 00:44:38,195
Now's our chance.

997
00:44:39,074 --> 00:44:41,263
I keep telling them, you're no monster.

998
00:44:41,264 --> 00:44:43,847
You're Joe Neumann, my husband.

999
00:44:44,684 --> 00:44:46,241
She'll get killed out there.

1000
00:44:46,242 --> 00:44:47,305
No, let her talk.

1001
00:44:47,306 --> 00:44:49,196
I think she's on to something.

1002
00:44:49,197 --> 00:44:51,994
Joe, you remember that vacation we took?

1003
00:44:51,995 --> 00:44:53,913
When we went to Cleveland?

1004
00:44:53,914 --> 00:44:56,274
We went to that restaurant
and we saw Tom Hanks

1005
00:44:56,275 --> 00:44:57,984
and I wanted his autograph,

1006
00:44:57,985 --> 00:44:59,860
but was afraid I'd be a bother.

1007
00:44:59,861 --> 00:45:04,028
And you walked me over to
his table and introduced me?

1008
00:45:04,096 --> 00:45:06,656
And you remember how Tom
Hanks offered you $100

1009
00:45:06,657 --> 00:45:09,003
if he could have me for the weekend?

1010
00:45:09,004 --> 00:45:13,171
And you told him, "No, my
wife's worth at least $150."

1011
00:45:13,446 --> 00:45:14,382
And that's how we got the money

1012
00:45:14,383 --> 00:45:16,611
so you could buy me
that fabulous blue dress

1013
00:45:16,612 --> 00:45:19,080
you say matches my eyes?

1014
00:45:19,081 --> 00:45:20,320
Don't you see Joe?

1015
00:45:20,321 --> 00:45:21,823
You're not some man-eating mutant

1016
00:45:21,824 --> 00:45:24,855
that kills everything in
its path without prejudice.

1017
00:45:24,856 --> 00:45:26,688
You're Joe Neumann.

1018
00:45:26,689 --> 00:45:29,330
The kind of guy that wouldn't
let Tom Hanks molest me

1019
00:45:29,331 --> 00:45:30,914
for less than $150.

1020
00:45:32,291 --> 00:45:34,557
I think she might be getting to him.

1021
00:45:34,558 --> 00:45:36,850
Joe, let's stop all this nonsense.

1022
00:45:36,851 --> 00:45:38,075
Let Ed and Dr. Chang...

1023
00:45:40,151 --> 00:45:41,659
Called it.

1024
00:45:41,660 --> 00:45:43,099
What do we do now, sir?

1025
00:45:43,100 --> 00:45:45,078
Lieutenant, give me that napalm.

1026
00:45:45,079 --> 00:45:47,419
Wait, we may not need
your napalm just yet.

1027
00:45:47,420 --> 00:45:49,506
What was it Joe was saying yesterday?

1028
00:45:49,507 --> 00:45:50,546
You know, before he turned into

1029
00:45:50,547 --> 00:45:52,060
an unstoppable killing machine?

1030
00:45:52,061 --> 00:45:53,703
Something around the
time he was having lunch

1031
00:45:53,704 --> 00:45:55,358
in low-earth orbit?

1032
00:45:55,359 --> 00:45:56,759
What was it now?

1033
00:45:56,760 --> 00:45:58,556
Something uh...

1034
00:45:58,557 --> 00:46:00,046
Ah, yes, onions!

1035
00:46:00,047 --> 00:46:01,830
Joe said he was allergic to onions!

1036
00:46:01,831 --> 00:46:03,105
Onions, what good is that gonna do?

1037
00:46:03,106 --> 00:46:04,176
No, no, no, the doctor's right!

1038
00:46:04,177 --> 00:46:05,574
If we can get those onions off that table

1039
00:46:05,575 --> 00:46:08,477
and maybe get them into the
monster somehow, then we can uh,

1040
00:46:08,478 --> 00:46:09,428
make the monster all...

1041
00:46:09,429 --> 00:46:11,756
He'd get really lethargic
and swell up like a balloon.

1042
00:46:11,757 --> 00:46:12,590
Yeah!

1043
00:46:12,591 --> 00:46:13,706
Yeah, but that thing's enormous.

1044
00:46:13,707 --> 00:46:15,157
Those are just a few small onions.

1045
00:46:15,158 --> 00:46:16,767
It may not be enough to kill it perhaps,

1046
00:46:16,768 --> 00:46:18,147
but it will be enough to slow it down,

1047
00:46:18,148 --> 00:46:19,812
long enough for us to make our escape.

1048
00:46:19,813 --> 00:46:22,882
Lieutenant, never mind the boom juice.

1049
00:46:22,883 --> 00:46:24,285
What you need to do is create a diversion.

1050
00:46:24,286 --> 00:46:26,159
Get the onions off that table.

1051
00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:29,827
Lieutenant, quiet as a
mouse, off the table.

1052
00:46:58,766 --> 00:47:00,288
Hey baby?

1053
00:47:00,289 --> 00:47:01,336
Hey, what's up?

1054
00:47:01,337 --> 00:47:02,726
Oh, not much.

1055
00:47:02,727 --> 00:47:03,727
Hey, but here's the plan.

1056
00:47:03,728 --> 00:47:05,613
Um, you put on your hot granny panties,

1057
00:47:05,614 --> 00:47:07,533
I'm gonna get some Smirnoff Ices,

1058
00:47:07,534 --> 00:47:10,047
I'm gonna pick up a copy of
The Notebook, Talladega Nights,

1059
00:47:10,048 --> 00:47:11,791
you know, a little love, a little laughs,

1060
00:47:11,792 --> 00:47:14,189
and uh, you know, we'll see
what happens, all right?

1061
00:47:16,465 --> 00:47:17,455
Baby, I'm gonna have to hit you back.

1062
00:47:17,455 --> 00:47:18,455
Toodles.

1063
00:47:28,866 --> 00:47:30,734
Looks like that little
maneuver of yours worked out.

1064
00:47:30,735 --> 00:47:32,680
Yeah, how long do you think
it's gonna stay like that?

1065
00:47:32,681 --> 00:47:33,952
Not long I'm afraid.

1066
00:47:33,953 --> 00:47:35,275
Hey, hey, Chang!

1067
00:47:35,276 --> 00:47:38,776
What's that crazy fool think he's doing?

1068
00:47:41,518 --> 00:47:43,411
I needed a sample of living tissue.

1069
00:47:43,412 --> 00:47:45,158
The previous sample was from dead cells,

1070
00:47:45,159 --> 00:47:47,174
and I just couldn't get a
thorough analysis of it but,

1071
00:47:47,175 --> 00:47:49,406
but this, this will tell me
everything I need to know

1072
00:47:49,407 --> 00:47:50,388
about the creature.

1073
00:47:50,388 --> 00:47:51,221
Is it safe?

1074
00:47:51,222 --> 00:47:52,860
In its current state, yes.

1075
00:47:52,861 --> 00:47:54,403
And if we can get it
back to the lab in time,

1076
00:47:54,404 --> 00:47:56,057
I can contain it with
some onions I keep on hand

1077
00:47:56,058 --> 00:47:57,395
for just such an emergency.

1078
00:47:57,396 --> 00:47:58,308
But we've got to hurry.

1079
00:47:58,308 --> 00:47:59,308
Yes.

1080
00:48:01,020 --> 00:48:02,285
We've gotta get this back to the lab.

1081
00:48:02,286 --> 00:48:03,119
Right.

1082
00:48:03,120 --> 00:48:05,036
- Yeah, come on.
- Okay.

1083
00:48:08,697 --> 00:48:09,697
Okay.

1084
00:48:11,892 --> 00:48:13,450
Oh.

1085
00:48:13,451 --> 00:48:14,451
Okay.

1086
00:48:20,890 --> 00:48:22,195
Excellent.

1087
00:48:22,196 --> 00:48:23,662
Yeah, yeah, I see it now.

1088
00:48:23,663 --> 00:48:25,094
Just keep an eye out and uh,

1089
00:48:25,095 --> 00:48:28,312
let me know when that
thing starts moving again.

1090
00:48:28,313 --> 00:48:30,194
Flyboys came through.

1091
00:48:30,195 --> 00:48:32,640
They got a helicopter
in the air right now.

1092
00:48:32,641 --> 00:48:35,716
That thing as so much as sneezes,
we'll be able to track it.

1093
00:48:35,717 --> 00:48:38,274
Why would a giant meat monster sneeze?

1094
00:48:38,275 --> 00:48:39,595
Where do you think it'll head to next?

1095
00:48:39,596 --> 00:48:41,768
So far, it's followed
a fairly straight path.

1096
00:48:41,769 --> 00:48:43,932
I plotted its movement on this map here.

1097
00:48:43,933 --> 00:48:45,561
Based on my estimations,

1098
00:48:45,562 --> 00:48:47,731
the creature's headed
right for Cincinnati.

1099
00:48:47,732 --> 00:48:48,897
The Queen City?

1100
00:48:48,898 --> 00:48:49,855
The very same.

1101
00:48:49,856 --> 00:48:51,527
These onions won't hold him for long and

1102
00:48:51,528 --> 00:48:52,989
once he regains full strength,

1103
00:48:52,990 --> 00:48:55,224
he'll be in downtown in a matter of hours.

1104
00:48:55,225 --> 00:48:56,095
Great Scott!

1105
00:48:56,096 --> 00:48:57,824
Hundreds of lives could be at risk!

1106
00:48:57,825 --> 00:48:59,049
You heard the man, corporal.

1107
00:48:59,050 --> 00:49:00,882
We gotta get this doc back to the lab.

1108
00:49:00,883 --> 00:49:01,883
Step on it.

1109
00:49:03,968 --> 00:49:06,022
Mayor Van Horn, it's a genuine privilege

1110
00:49:06,023 --> 00:49:08,330
to be here in Cincinnati,
or as you call it,

1111
00:49:08,331 --> 00:49:09,613
The Queen City.

1112
00:49:09,614 --> 00:49:10,730
Thank you, Mr. President.

1113
00:49:10,731 --> 00:49:13,256
It's an honor to have you visit our city.

1114
00:49:13,257 --> 00:49:15,273
Okay folks, I think
that's quite enough pictures

1115
00:49:15,274 --> 00:49:16,749
for right now.

1116
00:49:16,750 --> 00:49:18,787
The mayor and the President
have quite a lot of

1117
00:49:18,788 --> 00:49:20,083
business to discuss.

1118
00:49:20,084 --> 00:49:22,887
In about an hour, the President
will be making his way

1119
00:49:22,888 --> 00:49:24,919
down to the chili factory for a tour,

1120
00:49:24,920 --> 00:49:27,310
and then he'll be making a
stop by the Pete Rose Memorial.

1121
00:49:27,311 --> 00:49:29,205
And there'll be plenty of
time for pictures there.

1122
00:49:29,206 --> 00:49:31,765
In the meantime, if I could
have you wait downstairs,

1123
00:49:31,766 --> 00:49:34,366
my assistant will be handing
out press kits to you.

1124
00:49:34,367 --> 00:49:35,367
Thank you.

1125
00:49:41,216 --> 00:49:43,268
Honey, why don't you wait outside too?

1126
00:49:43,269 --> 00:49:46,723
Us men have some business to discuss.

1127
00:49:46,724 --> 00:49:47,575
Come on ma'am.

1128
00:49:47,576 --> 00:49:48,944
There's quite a lot to see in this city,

1129
00:49:48,945 --> 00:49:50,439
and I think we have
enough time to fit it in.

1130
00:49:50,440 --> 00:49:52,925
I'll take you to see the
house where George Clooney

1131
00:49:52,926 --> 00:49:54,152
lost his virginity.

1132
00:49:54,153 --> 00:49:56,809
It's on the National Register
of Historical Places.

1133
00:49:56,810 --> 00:49:57,893
Oh, Batman!

1134
00:50:01,586 --> 00:50:02,915
Damn it Mike.

1135
00:50:02,916 --> 00:50:05,417
What are we going to do about
these poll numbers of yours?

1136
00:50:05,418 --> 00:50:06,251
If you're serious about

1137
00:50:06,252 --> 00:50:07,826
making a run for the Senate in November,

1138
00:50:07,827 --> 00:50:10,992
you've got to get these
numbers up, and fast.

1139
00:50:10,993 --> 00:50:12,374
Well, if you'd ever
get around to sending me

1140
00:50:12,375 --> 00:50:13,586
that federal money...
- Mike,

1141
00:50:13,587 --> 00:50:15,099
you know its not that easy.

1142
00:50:15,100 --> 00:50:16,100
I've got...

1143
00:50:18,032 --> 00:50:20,086
Sorry to bother you
Mr. Mayor, Mr. President.

1144
00:50:20,087 --> 00:50:21,859
Mr. Mayor, I have a General
Graham on the phone.

1145
00:50:21,860 --> 00:50:22,979
He says it's very urgent.

1146
00:50:22,980 --> 00:50:25,201
Something about a vicious,
unstoppable mutant hell beast

1147
00:50:25,202 --> 00:50:26,631
from outer space laying waste to all

1148
00:50:26,632 --> 00:50:27,850
that dare cross its path.

1149
00:50:27,851 --> 00:50:29,293
Now it's heading straight for the city,

1150
00:50:29,294 --> 00:50:30,721
and the Army will need to
start putting up barricades

1151
00:50:30,722 --> 00:50:31,992
as quickly as possible,

1152
00:50:31,993 --> 00:50:33,184
although he's not really
sure if that'll do any good

1153
00:50:33,185 --> 00:50:34,759
considering the creature's massive size

1154
00:50:34,760 --> 00:50:36,868
and endless hunger for human flesh.

1155
00:50:36,869 --> 00:50:37,869
Line two.

1156
00:50:43,530 --> 00:50:44,530
Well.

1157
00:50:45,550 --> 00:50:47,194
I better mosey on out
if I'm gonna make it to

1158
00:50:47,195 --> 00:50:49,155
the chili factory by five.

1159
00:50:49,156 --> 00:50:51,232
It's nice talking with you again, Mike.

1160
00:50:51,233 --> 00:50:55,400
You remember what I said
about those poll numbers.

1161
00:51:01,904 --> 00:51:03,680
General, Mayor Van Horn.

1162
00:51:03,681 --> 00:51:05,683
What's this about an
unstoppable mutant hell beast

1163
00:51:05,684 --> 00:51:07,097
from outer space?

1164
00:51:11,385 --> 00:51:13,274
Good for nothing politician.

1165
00:51:13,275 --> 00:51:15,140
The mayor says he'll evacuate the city but

1166
00:51:15,141 --> 00:51:17,038
he won't make it mandatory.

1167
00:51:17,039 --> 00:51:18,147
'Cause if we're wrong,

1168
00:51:18,148 --> 00:51:20,715
it's gonna hurt him in
the upcoming elections.

1169
00:51:20,716 --> 00:51:22,745
So whatever we do, we've gotta do it

1170
00:51:22,746 --> 00:51:25,141
before that thing reaches the city limits.

1171
00:51:25,142 --> 00:51:26,510
What's the update on its movement?

1172
00:51:26,511 --> 00:51:29,539
Helicopter pilot says
it's back up to full speed.

1173
00:51:29,540 --> 00:51:31,987
And moving along this path,

1174
00:51:31,988 --> 00:51:33,240
pretty much in a straight,

1175
00:51:33,241 --> 00:51:35,075
going with the contours of the land,

1176
00:51:35,076 --> 00:51:37,768
never more than a half
mile in either direction.

1177
00:51:37,769 --> 00:51:41,769
Our only chance for a
barricade is right here.

1178
00:51:42,621 --> 00:51:44,792
Corporal!
- Yes sir.

1179
00:51:44,793 --> 00:51:46,387
Okay, that barricade's going up.

1180
00:51:46,388 --> 00:51:48,659
How's it coming along, Dr. Chang?

1181
00:51:48,660 --> 00:51:50,011
There's something about this sample

1182
00:51:50,012 --> 00:51:51,859
I just can't quite figure out.

1183
00:51:51,860 --> 00:51:53,536
I'm gonna need more time.

1184
00:51:53,537 --> 00:51:55,825
Time is something we don't have, doc.

1185
00:51:55,826 --> 00:51:57,128
He's right.

1186
00:51:57,129 --> 00:51:58,753
What's say we get down to that barricade?

1187
00:51:58,754 --> 00:52:00,669
Doctor, as soon as you figure out a way to

1188
00:52:00,670 --> 00:52:04,420
stop this thing permanently,
you let us know.

1189
00:52:23,205 --> 00:52:24,395
Right.

1190
00:52:24,396 --> 00:52:25,511
I got more bad news.

1191
00:52:25,512 --> 00:52:26,559
'Cause of the President's visit,

1192
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:28,240
the chili factory's doubled output today

1193
00:52:28,241 --> 00:52:29,755
for a better photo op.

1194
00:52:29,756 --> 00:52:31,595
Dr. Chang said the
city's normal chili output

1195
00:52:31,596 --> 00:52:33,784
will cause the creature's
growth to accelerate.

1196
00:52:33,785 --> 00:52:36,421
Yeah, and double the chili
means double its fast growth.

1197
00:52:36,422 --> 00:52:37,875
This creature's not gonna be
able to devour the country

1198
00:52:37,876 --> 00:52:39,241
by tomorrow evening,

1199
00:52:39,242 --> 00:52:40,589
it's gonna be able to devour the country

1200
00:52:40,590 --> 00:52:42,423
by tomorrow afternoon.

1201
00:52:48,342 --> 00:52:49,520
Who's in charge here?

1202
00:52:49,521 --> 00:52:50,354
You?

1203
00:52:50,355 --> 00:52:51,430
You General Graham?

1204
00:52:51,431 --> 00:52:52,708
You must be Van Horn.

1205
00:52:52,709 --> 00:52:54,716
That's Mr. Mayor to you.

1206
00:52:54,717 --> 00:52:56,529
You want to tell me
what this is all about?

1207
00:52:56,530 --> 00:52:59,349
I have constituents calling
me up, telling me there's a

1208
00:52:59,350 --> 00:53:01,579
military raid going on
in their neighborhood.

1209
00:53:01,580 --> 00:53:03,749
Well Mr. Mayor, if you want
us to pack up and go home,

1210
00:53:03,750 --> 00:53:04,777
that's fine.

1211
00:53:04,778 --> 00:53:06,289
But I hope you have some powerful weapons

1212
00:53:06,290 --> 00:53:07,879
in that fancy car of yours.

1213
00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:09,992
Because coming down
this very road right now

1214
00:53:09,993 --> 00:53:11,369
is a monster the likes of which you can't

1215
00:53:11,370 --> 00:53:12,813
even begin to imagine.

1216
00:53:12,814 --> 00:53:14,584
And down that road is the chili factory.

1217
00:53:14,585 --> 00:53:17,272
Now I don't know much about science,

1218
00:53:17,273 --> 00:53:19,273
but this fella here,

1219
00:53:19,274 --> 00:53:23,108
here's from Space Command,
as in scientific expert.

1220
00:53:23,109 --> 00:53:25,308
And he says if that monster
eats that chili factory,

1221
00:53:25,309 --> 00:53:27,907
well, you won't have anyone calling you.

1222
00:53:27,908 --> 00:53:30,371
You're not gonna have a city to run.

1223
00:53:30,372 --> 00:53:31,945
Do you really want that
on your conscience?

1224
00:53:31,946 --> 00:53:33,808
I still say you're overreacting.

1225
00:53:33,809 --> 00:53:36,776
A mutated meat monster from outer space?

1226
00:53:36,777 --> 00:53:38,065
That's absurd!

1227
00:53:38,066 --> 00:53:39,638
You wanna take that chance?

1228
00:53:39,639 --> 00:53:41,609
I'm going back to my office.

1229
00:53:41,610 --> 00:53:44,842
I'll keep the evacuation
in effect, for now.

1230
00:53:44,843 --> 00:53:48,002
But if this is a hoax, I'm
pinning the blame on you.

1231
00:53:49,585 --> 00:53:51,418
Let's roll, Bitterman.

1232
00:53:56,010 --> 00:53:57,420
Gah! Damn it!

1233
00:53:57,421 --> 00:54:00,139
Which one of you greenhorns did that?

1234
00:54:00,140 --> 00:54:03,644
Like I said before,
this end's for loading,

1235
00:54:03,645 --> 00:54:05,478
this end's for firing.

1236
00:54:13,655 --> 00:54:17,822
Is it me, or is this sample
replicating even faster?

1237
00:54:18,905 --> 00:54:20,895
It's almost back to
its original growth rate.

1238
00:54:20,896 --> 00:54:22,694
Has this sample been
treated with the onions?

1239
00:54:22,695 --> 00:54:23,865
Yeah, four times the amount.

1240
00:54:23,866 --> 00:54:25,420
I keep having to add more.

1241
00:54:25,421 --> 00:54:27,554
It's building up a
resistance to the allergen.

1242
00:54:27,555 --> 00:54:29,796
So if we keep forcing
the creature to eat onions,

1243
00:54:29,797 --> 00:54:32,604
it's just gonna build up a
bigger and bigger tolerance?

1244
00:54:32,605 --> 00:54:34,620
This sample's been
treated with onions once.

1245
00:54:34,621 --> 00:54:36,656
A second dosing will still slow it down,

1246
00:54:36,657 --> 00:54:37,720
giving us the advantage,

1247
00:54:37,721 --> 00:54:41,180
allowing us to hold it for
about 15, maybe 20 minutes,

1248
00:54:41,181 --> 00:54:44,264
if we're lucky, but it won't kill it.

1249
00:54:50,700 --> 00:54:52,601
It's too quiet.

1250
00:54:52,602 --> 00:54:53,893
Yeah.

1251
00:54:53,894 --> 00:54:55,144
Too, too quiet.

1252
00:54:58,610 --> 00:55:00,323
The doc says to save all the onions.

1253
00:55:00,324 --> 00:55:02,469
Don't toss any until he
gives the word, okay?

1254
00:55:02,470 --> 00:55:05,882
Hope you trust that crazy doc...

1255
00:55:05,883 --> 00:55:07,550
Sweet Georgia Brown.

1256
00:55:09,446 --> 00:55:10,279
Oh my God.

1257
00:55:10,280 --> 00:55:12,456
It won't be long until the
thing's right on top of us.

1258
00:55:13,289 --> 00:55:14,898
I hope that doctor can work fast.

1259
00:55:14,899 --> 00:55:17,053
All right men, fire at will!

1260
00:55:21,954 --> 00:55:23,162
Ugh, it's no use.

1261
00:55:23,163 --> 00:55:24,423
Everything we've tried has failed!

1262
00:55:24,424 --> 00:55:25,854
Don't give in yet, my boy.

1263
00:55:25,855 --> 00:55:27,475
I'm not giving in, it's just,

1264
00:55:27,476 --> 00:55:28,774
we've been at this all day,

1265
00:55:28,775 --> 00:55:30,464
and we're still stuck on square one.

1266
00:55:30,465 --> 00:55:32,033
And honestly, I'm stumped.

1267
00:55:32,034 --> 00:55:33,861
I've been stumped all day.

1268
00:55:33,862 --> 00:55:36,419
I just wish someone would
throw us a bone, you know?

1269
00:55:36,420 --> 00:55:37,653
Give us a leg up.

1270
00:55:37,654 --> 00:55:39,655
Just let us hit the ground running

1271
00:55:39,656 --> 00:55:42,156
and put our best foot forward.

1272
00:55:44,229 --> 00:55:45,479
I miss my legs.

1273
00:55:52,357 --> 00:55:54,080
Still no call from Dr. Chang, eh?

1274
00:55:54,081 --> 00:55:55,503
I'm sure he's gonna come through.

1275
00:55:55,504 --> 00:55:57,482
Frankly, I can't take that chance.

1276
00:55:57,483 --> 00:55:58,653
Corporal.
- Yes sir.

1277
00:55:58,654 --> 00:55:59,487
Patch me through to the Air Force Base.

1278
00:55:59,487 --> 00:56:00,487
Yes sir.

1279
00:56:01,187 --> 00:56:03,742
You see, while Dr. Chang
wastes time with his experiments,

1280
00:56:03,743 --> 00:56:05,037
I'm losing men.

1281
00:56:05,038 --> 00:56:07,058
Not to mention there's
millions that lost their lives

1282
00:56:07,059 --> 00:56:10,181
getting wiped out by that thing.

1283
00:56:10,182 --> 00:56:12,030
Mmm, you should really
eat something, doctor.

1284
00:56:12,031 --> 00:56:13,332
Keep your strength up.

1285
00:56:13,333 --> 00:56:14,323
In a while.

1286
00:56:14,324 --> 00:56:16,782
First I'd like to, aha!

1287
00:56:16,783 --> 00:56:17,764
Here!

1288
00:56:17,765 --> 00:56:19,979
Take a look at this, hmm?

1289
00:56:19,980 --> 00:56:21,027
Do you see these stars?

1290
00:56:21,028 --> 00:56:23,618
These stars say I'm a General
of the United States Army.

1291
00:56:23,619 --> 00:56:25,776
I'm sworn to defend my country.

1292
00:56:25,777 --> 00:56:28,057
Any which way I can.

1293
00:56:28,058 --> 00:56:32,225
The whole country, and that
includes the damn Queen City.

1294
00:56:32,584 --> 00:56:34,963
It's no longer stable, what did you do?

1295
00:56:34,964 --> 00:56:36,852
I dosed it with a
strong acidic solution of

1296
00:56:36,853 --> 00:56:39,392
sodium chloride and
potassium chloride mixed with

1297
00:56:39,393 --> 00:56:41,799
hydrochloric acid and the pepcid enzyme.

1298
00:56:41,800 --> 00:56:43,967
Here, take a look at this.

1299
00:56:47,366 --> 00:56:50,299
I can't run around
fighting these damn monsters!

1300
00:56:50,300 --> 00:56:51,325
What are you talking about?

1301
00:56:51,326 --> 00:56:53,996
I am authorized to
deploy the nation's full

1302
00:56:53,997 --> 00:56:55,330
atomic weaponry.

1303
00:56:56,628 --> 00:56:57,464
You don't mean?

1304
00:56:57,465 --> 00:56:58,844
Yes I do.

1305
00:56:58,845 --> 00:57:00,944
I'll nuke Cincinnati right off the map.

1306
00:57:00,945 --> 00:57:03,941
Looks like it's barely
moving and very sluggish.

1307
00:57:03,942 --> 00:57:05,326
It's still a little bit active though.

1308
00:57:05,327 --> 00:57:06,642
That's the reaction to the onions.

1309
00:57:06,643 --> 00:57:09,060
Now here's the acid solution.

1310
00:57:10,412 --> 00:57:12,383
It's breaking apart, and quickly too.

1311
00:57:12,384 --> 00:57:14,272
Doctor, I think you've done it!

1312
00:57:14,273 --> 00:57:15,667
No, not quite yet.

1313
00:57:15,668 --> 00:57:16,996
It would take hours, no,

1314
00:57:16,997 --> 00:57:18,687
days to create the amount
of solution necessary

1315
00:57:18,688 --> 00:57:20,713
to destroy the creature
at its current size,

1316
00:57:20,714 --> 00:57:22,966
let alone the size
it'll be in a few hours.

1317
00:57:22,967 --> 00:57:25,717
And by then, it will be too late.

1318
00:57:28,883 --> 00:57:30,664
Oh, that's not chili.

1319
00:57:30,665 --> 00:57:31,588
I won't like it.

1320
00:57:31,589 --> 00:57:33,070
Hell, I'll probably feel
pretty lousy about it

1321
00:57:33,071 --> 00:57:34,154
for a couple of minutes.

1322
00:57:34,155 --> 00:57:35,509
You don't think about all those people

1323
00:57:35,510 --> 00:57:38,238
that don't get to see who wins
the Latin Grammys this year.

1324
00:57:38,239 --> 00:57:40,400
Ed, I think about those other people

1325
00:57:40,401 --> 00:57:42,700
in all those other
cities that do get to see

1326
00:57:42,701 --> 00:57:44,001
the Latin Grammys this year.

1327
00:57:44,002 --> 00:57:45,599
And I gotta protect them too.

1328
00:57:45,600 --> 00:57:46,469
You're right.

1329
00:57:46,470 --> 00:57:48,103
You make the call, but
you give me five minutes

1330
00:57:48,104 --> 00:57:49,562
to see if Dr. Chang can figure out a way

1331
00:57:49,563 --> 00:57:52,389
to stop this creature without
destroying The Queen City.

1332
00:57:52,390 --> 00:57:53,334
Five minutes.

1333
00:57:53,335 --> 00:57:54,608
Five minutes is all I need.

1334
00:57:54,609 --> 00:57:56,935
For your sake, I hope
to God you're right.

1335
00:57:56,936 --> 00:57:58,765
I hope so too.

1336
00:57:58,766 --> 00:57:59,933
I hope so too.

1337
00:58:01,976 --> 00:58:03,656
What do I do, what
do I do, what do I do?

1338
00:58:04,837 --> 00:58:05,950
- Nothing.
- What?

1339
00:58:05,951 --> 00:58:06,830
What do you mean, nothing?

1340
00:58:06,831 --> 00:58:08,539
Like I said, nothing.

1341
00:58:08,540 --> 00:58:10,672
Wait, no, not nothing.

1342
00:58:10,673 --> 00:58:11,506
This.

1343
00:58:11,507 --> 00:58:12,638
What?
Here, eat this.

1344
00:58:12,639 --> 00:58:13,472
Are you crazy?

1345
00:58:13,472 --> 00:58:14,472
Trust me!

1346
00:58:20,471 --> 00:58:21,455
I'm okay.

1347
00:58:21,456 --> 00:58:23,123
Why, why am I okay?

1348
00:58:23,124 --> 00:58:24,707
Stomach acids, my boy.

1349
00:58:24,708 --> 00:58:26,317
Stomach acids.

1350
00:58:26,318 --> 00:58:27,194
The solution in that beaker

1351
00:58:27,195 --> 00:58:29,960
is the same chemical makeup
of the solution of the acid...

1352
00:58:29,961 --> 00:58:31,485
In my stomach!

1353
00:58:31,486 --> 00:58:32,486
Precisely.

1354
00:58:34,429 --> 00:58:36,306
So, we can just eat the monster?

1355
00:58:36,307 --> 00:58:37,216
Not quite.

1356
00:58:37,217 --> 00:58:39,522
You see, if you were too
close to bite into it,

1357
00:58:39,523 --> 00:58:42,359
it would be close enough to bite into you.

1358
00:58:42,360 --> 00:58:44,767
But what if we made it more lethargic?

1359
00:58:44,768 --> 00:58:46,892
Maybe by an allergic reaction?

1360
00:58:46,893 --> 00:58:48,726
Now you're thinkin'.

1361
00:58:52,209 --> 00:58:55,260
Yeah doc, about 52 feet in
diameter, and 13 feet high.

1362
00:58:55,261 --> 00:58:56,988
And how many onions do you have?

1363
00:58:56,989 --> 00:58:58,280
Five pounds even.

1364
00:58:58,281 --> 00:58:59,114
Five pounds.

1365
00:58:59,115 --> 00:59:01,343
I'll explain more once I
get down there but for now,

1366
00:59:01,344 --> 00:59:02,669
listen to me very carefully.

1367
00:59:04,652 --> 00:59:05,485
Got it.

1368
00:59:05,486 --> 00:59:06,602
So what'd he say?

1369
00:59:06,603 --> 00:59:08,278
He said once we feed
the creature the onions,

1370
00:59:08,279 --> 00:59:09,918
it'll be paralyzed for 18 minutes,

1371
00:59:09,919 --> 00:59:11,760
and it'll be safe to eat
at that point in time.

1372
00:59:11,761 --> 00:59:14,188
That much food in only 18 minutes?

1373
00:59:14,189 --> 00:59:15,751
That's impossible.

1374
00:59:16,640 --> 00:59:18,908
A person like that would have
to be a competitive eater.

1375
00:59:18,909 --> 00:59:20,035
That's perfect!

1376
00:59:20,036 --> 00:59:21,205
A competitive eater
could eat this thing in

1377
00:59:21,206 --> 00:59:24,155
easily 18 minutes, and have
plenty of time to spare.

1378
00:59:24,156 --> 00:59:25,524
- Corporal!
- Way ahead of you sir.

1379
00:59:25,525 --> 00:59:27,300
I'm patched through to the Pentagon.

1380
00:59:27,301 --> 00:59:29,085
They're checking the files
but it's not looking good,

1381
00:59:29,086 --> 00:59:31,766
'cause apparently, not too
many competitive eaters bother

1382
00:59:31,767 --> 00:59:34,472
to register with the
government, and the ones that do

1383
00:59:34,473 --> 00:59:37,258
don't update their contact
information often enough.

1384
00:59:37,259 --> 00:59:38,393
What good's a competitive eater database

1385
00:59:38,394 --> 00:59:41,071
if it's not comprehensive and up to date?

1386
00:59:41,072 --> 00:59:42,249
Stay on the line and keep trying.

1387
00:59:42,250 --> 00:59:43,083
Yes sir.

1388
00:59:43,084 --> 00:59:44,330
I got an idea, wait here guys.

1389
00:59:44,331 --> 00:59:45,622
Hey!

1390
00:59:50,963 --> 00:59:52,029
Dr. Chang, you're just in time.

1391
00:59:52,030 --> 00:59:52,863
What's going on here?

1392
00:59:52,864 --> 00:59:53,959
I'm gonna see if there's
a competitive eater

1393
00:59:53,960 --> 00:59:54,793
in the crowd.

1394
00:59:54,794 --> 00:59:55,988
You mean you haven't found one yet?

1395
00:59:55,989 --> 00:59:57,081
No but I mean, this many people,

1396
00:59:57,082 --> 00:59:58,198
there's just gotta be someone.

1397
00:59:58,199 --> 01:00:00,008
All right, good luck, I'll
let the General know I'm here.

1398
01:00:00,009 --> 01:00:01,783
All right, thank you.

1399
01:00:04,811 --> 01:00:06,116
Excuse me.

1400
01:00:06,117 --> 01:00:07,507
I think we've figured out
a way to stop the creature

1401
01:00:07,508 --> 01:00:09,151
and save this city but to do that,

1402
01:00:09,152 --> 01:00:10,859
we need a competitive eater.

1403
01:00:10,860 --> 01:00:13,196
Even if you haven't
competed professionally or,

1404
01:00:13,197 --> 01:00:14,206
you were a competitive eater

1405
01:00:14,207 --> 01:00:15,323
on a high school team or something.

1406
01:00:15,324 --> 01:00:16,442
Anyone?

1407
01:00:16,443 --> 01:00:17,957
Anybody, please.

1408
01:00:17,958 --> 01:00:18,791
The fate of this city,

1409
01:00:18,792 --> 01:00:21,238
the fate of the world depends upon it.

1410
01:00:21,239 --> 01:00:22,989
Just please, help us.

1411
01:00:25,629 --> 01:00:26,571
I can do it.

1412
01:00:26,571 --> 01:00:27,501
Bert, no!

1413
01:00:27,502 --> 01:00:30,385
No honey, it's all right.

1414
01:00:30,386 --> 01:00:32,235
Bert Stevens.

1415
01:00:32,236 --> 01:00:33,773
I can eat this thing.

1416
01:00:33,774 --> 01:00:34,780
You're a competitive eater?

1417
01:00:34,781 --> 01:00:36,549
I used to be.

1418
01:00:36,550 --> 01:00:38,686
That was a long time ago.

1419
01:00:38,687 --> 01:00:40,455
I was the best of the best.

1420
01:00:40,456 --> 01:00:42,109
World champion.

1421
01:00:42,110 --> 01:00:43,496
I had it all.

1422
01:00:43,497 --> 01:00:45,080
Money, fame, women.

1423
01:00:47,405 --> 01:00:51,572
But it all came crashing
down one July afternoon.

1424
01:00:51,672 --> 01:00:54,761
Hooters was sponsoring
a buffalo wing contest.

1425
01:00:54,762 --> 01:00:57,595
It started like any normal wing contest.

1426
01:00:57,596 --> 01:00:58,596
But then...

1427
01:01:01,322 --> 01:01:02,218
Well, all these years later,

1428
01:01:02,219 --> 01:01:05,492
I've never forgiven myself
for what happened next.

1429
01:01:05,493 --> 01:01:09,660
But if the fate of the world
depends on it, I can do this.

1430
01:01:11,360 --> 01:01:12,677
Come with me.

1431
01:01:17,158 --> 01:01:18,109
Bert Stevens, Alison Stevens,

1432
01:01:18,110 --> 01:01:20,001
this is General Graham and Dr. Chang.

1433
01:01:20,002 --> 01:01:21,916
Bert Stevens was a big
competitive eating champion.

1434
01:01:21,917 --> 01:01:22,821
Pleasure to meet you.

1435
01:01:22,822 --> 01:01:25,275
So you're the one who's
gonna try to save our necks?

1436
01:01:25,276 --> 01:01:26,752
I'll certainly try.

1437
01:01:26,753 --> 01:01:28,581
You're brave, but
you're also no-nonsense.

1438
01:01:28,582 --> 01:01:29,685
I like that.

1439
01:01:29,686 --> 01:01:31,487
It doesn't change the fact
that you're going out there

1440
01:01:31,488 --> 01:01:33,214
before we can get that
creature under control.

1441
01:01:33,215 --> 01:01:35,320
You sure you want to take that risk?

1442
01:01:35,321 --> 01:01:36,230
I'm sure.

1443
01:01:36,230 --> 01:01:37,194
Bert, no!

1444
01:01:37,195 --> 01:01:38,913
No honey, it's all right.

1445
01:01:41,230 --> 01:01:42,230
Floyd.

1446
01:01:43,196 --> 01:01:44,029
Hold on.

1447
01:01:44,030 --> 01:01:45,424
You don't know what that
thing will do out there.

1448
01:01:45,425 --> 01:01:47,442
Look, I appreciate the concern,

1449
01:01:47,443 --> 01:01:49,151
but I have to know what
kind of sloppy joe that is

1450
01:01:49,152 --> 01:01:50,931
if I'm gonna deal with a
mountain of meat that size.

1451
01:01:50,932 --> 01:01:53,468
There's over 750 recipes for sloppy joe

1452
01:01:53,469 --> 01:01:54,825
in the United States alone.

1453
01:01:54,826 --> 01:01:56,694
You go worldwide, that number triples.

1454
01:01:56,695 --> 01:01:59,134
I mean, there's like 218 in Finland alone.

1455
01:01:59,135 --> 01:02:02,705
Each one has its own unique
flavor, texture, density.

1456
01:02:02,706 --> 01:02:04,543
I'm telling ya, something
could go seriously wrong

1457
01:02:04,544 --> 01:02:06,588
if I got into this thing blind.

1458
01:02:06,589 --> 01:02:08,014
Yeah I mean, I know what's at stake.

1459
01:02:08,015 --> 01:02:10,299
And I know what that thing can
do to me if I get too close.

1460
01:02:10,300 --> 01:02:12,526
And to be honest, I just
one of those poop farts

1461
01:02:12,527 --> 01:02:14,438
and my drawers feel
kind of funny right now.

1462
01:02:14,439 --> 01:02:17,471
But if you want me to do what
I was brought over here to do,

1463
01:02:17,472 --> 01:02:21,632
then mister, I've gotta get
over there and smell that meat.

1464
01:02:21,633 --> 01:02:23,184
Bert, no!

1465
01:02:23,185 --> 01:02:24,365
No honey, it's all right.

1466
01:02:24,366 --> 01:02:26,386
Get that man some cover!

1467
01:02:29,205 --> 01:02:31,202
The barricade's not
gonna hold much longer!

1468
01:02:31,203 --> 01:02:32,036
Ah!

1469
01:02:32,037 --> 01:02:33,207
It's coming through!

1470
01:02:33,208 --> 01:02:35,541
It's giving out, get back!

1471
01:02:38,202 --> 01:02:40,140
Bert come on, there's no time!

1472
01:02:40,141 --> 01:02:41,861
Just one more minute!

1473
01:02:41,862 --> 01:02:43,362
Oh, stupid fool!

1474
01:02:45,898 --> 01:02:47,923
Well, you saved my life.

1475
01:02:47,924 --> 01:02:48,757
Thanks.

1476
01:02:48,758 --> 01:02:51,121
Don't thank me yet.

1477
01:03:16,486 --> 01:03:17,690
Yes!

1478
01:03:17,691 --> 01:03:19,458
I didn't die first!

1479
01:03:23,459 --> 01:03:24,709
Come on!

1480
01:03:29,197 --> 01:03:30,614
In here, quick!

1481
01:03:40,677 --> 01:03:42,218
All right, that's it, no more barricade.

1482
01:03:42,219 --> 01:03:44,036
If that thing makes it past this street,

1483
01:03:44,037 --> 01:03:46,220
it's gonna get to the chili factory.

1484
01:03:46,221 --> 01:03:48,468
Whatever we're gonna do, we gotta do now.

1485
01:03:48,469 --> 01:03:49,621
What do you say, Stevens?

1486
01:03:49,622 --> 01:03:51,201
You learn what you need
to learn back there?

1487
01:03:51,202 --> 01:03:53,513
Yeah, it's ground beef, tomato soup,

1488
01:03:53,514 --> 01:03:56,237
Worcestershire sauce, ketchup,
maybe a pinch of mustard.

1489
01:03:56,238 --> 01:03:58,625
It's a pretty common recipe
in the Atlantic states.

1490
01:03:58,626 --> 01:04:01,173
It's a little tart for my
tastes, but it goes down easy.

1491
01:04:01,174 --> 01:04:02,007
Corporal!

1492
01:04:02,007 --> 01:04:02,995
You got those onions?

1493
01:04:02,996 --> 01:04:04,226
Yes sir.

1494
01:04:04,227 --> 01:04:05,443
Wait, onions?

1495
01:04:05,444 --> 01:04:07,041
Five pounds of 'em.

1496
01:04:07,042 --> 01:04:08,684
It's what we need to paralyze
the creature long enough

1497
01:04:08,685 --> 01:04:10,083
to make it safe to each.

1498
01:04:10,084 --> 01:04:11,938
Why, what's wrong?

1499
01:04:11,939 --> 01:04:13,858
I'm allergic to onions.

1500
01:04:13,859 --> 01:04:14,913
How allergic?

1501
01:04:14,914 --> 01:04:16,833
I swell up and I get real lethargic.

1502
01:04:16,834 --> 01:04:18,956
Could you eat five pounds of onions?

1503
01:04:18,957 --> 01:04:20,997
Well I don't know, I've
always avoided finding out.

1504
01:04:20,998 --> 01:04:22,998
So what's it gonna be?

1505
01:04:29,670 --> 01:04:31,977
Don't you die on me, Johnny!

1506
01:04:31,978 --> 01:04:33,400
It's all right, little brother,

1507
01:04:33,401 --> 01:04:34,884
it's not your fault.

1508
01:04:34,885 --> 01:04:36,845
But there's something I
need you to do for me.

1509
01:04:36,846 --> 01:04:38,960
If you ever get a chance to save a city

1510
01:04:38,961 --> 01:04:41,052
somewhere in the Midwest, you know,

1511
01:04:41,053 --> 01:04:42,962
like Cincinnati or something?

1512
01:04:42,963 --> 01:04:44,940
The Queen City?

1513
01:04:44,941 --> 01:04:45,933
If you ever get a chance to save

1514
01:04:45,934 --> 01:04:47,475
a place like that from being destroyed

1515
01:04:47,476 --> 01:04:50,563
by a horrible monster, you do it.

1516
01:04:50,564 --> 01:04:53,757
No matter what the risks
are buddy, you do it.

1517
01:04:53,758 --> 01:04:55,270
Do it for me.

1518
01:04:55,271 --> 01:04:56,318
Johnny?

1519
01:04:56,319 --> 01:04:57,832
Johnny?

1520
01:04:57,833 --> 01:04:58,972
Come on!

1521
01:04:58,973 --> 01:05:00,658
Wake up, Johnny!

1522
01:05:00,659 --> 01:05:01,992
Wake up, Johnny!

1523
01:05:06,147 --> 01:05:07,984
Let's go save us a city.

1524
01:05:07,985 --> 01:05:08,818
Bert, no!

1525
01:05:08,819 --> 01:05:10,948
No honey, it's all right.

1526
01:05:10,949 --> 01:05:12,042
So what's the game plan?

1527
01:05:12,043 --> 01:05:13,237
- Corporal.
- Yes sir.

1528
01:05:13,238 --> 01:05:14,908
Any windows on the
second floor of this place?

1529
01:05:14,909 --> 01:05:16,485
Well yes sir, I believe there are.

1530
01:05:16,486 --> 01:05:18,986
Then get a move on, soldier.

1531
01:05:26,284 --> 01:05:27,284
Seriously?

1532
01:05:29,410 --> 01:05:30,760
All right, go.

1533
01:05:35,274 --> 01:05:37,964
The onions, they're not going in!

1534
01:05:40,011 --> 01:05:41,160
The creature must have figured out a way

1535
01:05:41,161 --> 01:05:43,708
to resist absorbing something
it doesn't wanna eat.

1536
01:05:43,709 --> 01:05:44,614
So what do we do?

1537
01:05:44,615 --> 01:05:45,653
I don't know.

1538
01:05:45,654 --> 01:05:47,937
We've got to find a way.

1539
01:05:47,938 --> 01:05:48,887
Floyd!

1540
01:05:48,887 --> 01:05:49,837
What are you doing?

1541
01:05:49,838 --> 01:05:52,254
It can't eat my legs twice.

1542
01:05:53,564 --> 01:05:55,458
All right, you overgrown entree.

1543
01:05:55,459 --> 01:05:57,822
I got a bone to pick with you.

1544
01:05:57,823 --> 01:05:58,891
Ha ha!

1545
01:05:58,892 --> 01:06:00,475
Floyd, no!

1546
01:06:08,400 --> 01:06:09,400
No!

1547
01:06:18,855 --> 01:06:21,329
I did not think this through.

1548
01:06:29,610 --> 01:06:31,200
It's working!

1549
01:06:31,201 --> 01:06:33,424
Listen up, you
magnificent son of a bitch.

1550
01:06:33,425 --> 01:06:35,815
You got 18 minutes, you got it?

1551
01:06:35,816 --> 01:06:37,231
Yeah.

1552
01:06:37,232 --> 01:06:38,236
Bert, no!

1553
01:06:38,237 --> 01:06:39,237
No honey.

1554
01:06:40,999 --> 01:06:42,249
It's all right.

1555
01:07:41,132 --> 01:07:43,061
How much time does he have left?

1556
01:07:43,062 --> 01:07:44,229
A minute 30.

1557
01:07:48,061 --> 01:07:49,185
Get a move on!

1558
01:07:49,186 --> 01:07:52,269
I don't think he can get a move on.

1559
01:07:58,883 --> 01:08:01,861
Gettin' kinda hard to swallow.

1560
01:08:01,862 --> 01:08:02,834
He's not gonna make it!

1561
01:08:02,834 --> 01:08:03,780
He's gonna die out there!

1562
01:08:03,781 --> 01:08:06,328
Not if I can help it.

1563
01:08:06,329 --> 01:08:07,329
All right, come on.

1564
01:08:07,995 --> 01:08:08,995
What?

1565
01:08:09,820 --> 01:08:11,289
I got something that'll help you.

1566
01:08:11,290 --> 01:08:12,794
What is that, an antihistamine?

1567
01:08:12,795 --> 01:08:13,818
No, it's a muscle relaxant.

1568
01:08:13,819 --> 01:08:16,176
It'll uh, loosen back your
throat, control the gag reflex.

1569
01:08:16,177 --> 01:08:17,789
Well, why would you
have something like that?

1570
01:08:17,790 --> 01:08:20,236
- There's no time, Bert!
- What?

1571
01:08:20,237 --> 01:08:21,320
30 seconds!

1572
01:08:22,888 --> 01:08:24,480
Can you do it?

1573
01:08:24,481 --> 01:08:25,754
For Johnny?

1574
01:08:25,755 --> 01:08:26,922
For America.

1575
01:08:27,883 --> 01:08:29,216
For the world.

1576
01:08:35,259 --> 01:08:36,342
10 seconds!

1577
01:08:38,210 --> 01:08:39,043
Eight,

1578
01:08:39,043 --> 01:08:39,876
seven,

1579
01:08:39,876 --> 01:08:40,709
six,

1580
01:08:40,709 --> 01:08:41,631
five,

1581
01:08:41,631 --> 01:08:42,464
four...

1582
01:08:42,465 --> 01:08:44,297
- Yeah!
- Three, two...

1583
01:08:46,823 --> 01:08:47,823
Yeah!

1584
01:08:49,853 --> 01:08:50,853
Yeah!

1585
01:08:51,764 --> 01:08:53,310
We did it!

1586
01:08:53,311 --> 01:08:55,158
We saved the world!

1587
01:08:55,159 --> 01:08:56,803
You saved the world.

1588
01:09:04,006 --> 01:09:05,895
Did we save the world, doctor?

1589
01:09:05,896 --> 01:09:07,233
For now?

1590
01:09:07,234 --> 01:09:08,584
Yes.

1591
01:09:08,585 --> 01:09:12,068
But who knows what dangers
we face in the future?

1592
01:09:12,069 --> 01:09:14,532
As long as humanity continues
to challenge the limits

1593
01:09:14,533 --> 01:09:17,657
of our knowledge and
explore the unseen wonders

1594
01:09:17,658 --> 01:09:19,595
of this vast universe,

1595
01:09:19,596 --> 01:09:21,968
there will always be men like Joe Neumann,

1596
01:09:21,969 --> 01:09:24,823
brave men who take one step too far

1597
01:09:24,824 --> 01:09:27,807
to the places we were not intended to go.

1598
01:09:27,808 --> 01:09:30,914
Is that the price we must
pay to advance our species?

1599
01:09:30,915 --> 01:09:32,386
Perhaps.

1600
01:09:32,387 --> 01:09:33,874
We were lucky today.

1601
01:09:33,875 --> 01:09:36,454
Tomorrow, there could
be another Joe Neumann,

1602
01:09:36,455 --> 01:09:38,872
another tragic accident.

1603
01:09:38,873 --> 01:09:41,315
Will we be able to save the world then?

1604
01:09:41,316 --> 01:09:44,680
Or will our thirst for
knowledge finally prove to be

1605
01:09:44,681 --> 01:09:45,681
our undoing?

1606
01:09:51,899 --> 01:09:52,798
Hey guys.

1607
01:09:52,799 --> 01:09:54,902
Heh, crazy idea.

1608
01:09:54,903 --> 01:09:56,602
Want to get a pizza or something?

1609
01:09:56,603 --> 01:09:58,290
You're actually hungry after all that?

1610
01:09:58,291 --> 01:09:59,124
I know.

1611
01:09:59,124 --> 01:09:59,957
Weird, huh?

1612
01:09:59,958 --> 01:10:02,040
Yeah, I'll get a pizza.

1613
01:10:03,531 --> 01:10:04,654
So what are you guys thinkin'?

1614
01:10:04,655 --> 01:10:05,843
A little Rosa's, maybe?

1615
01:10:05,844 --> 01:10:08,615
You guys had
their Hawaiian pizza yet?

1616
01:10:08,616 --> 01:10:09,816
What's that got on it?

1617
01:10:09,817 --> 01:10:11,266
Pineapple.

1618
01:10:11,267 --> 01:10:13,742
You know I don't like pineapple.

1619
01:10:13,743 --> 01:10:16,070
I'm actually in
the mood for some anchovies.

1620
01:10:16,071 --> 01:10:17,242
Bert, no.

1621
01:10:17,243 --> 01:10:19,897
No honey, it's all right.

1622
01:10:28,321 --> 01:10:29,221
♫ Look out lips

1623
01:10:29,221 --> 01:10:30,054
♫ Look out gums

1624
01:10:30,055 --> 01:10:31,580
♫ Look out esophagus 'cause here it comes

1625
01:10:31,581 --> 01:10:33,584
♫ Oh yeah

1626
01:10:33,585 --> 01:10:35,185
♫ All right

1627
01:10:35,610 --> 01:10:37,001
♫ 'Cause meat is murder

1628
01:10:37,003 --> 01:10:39,628
♫ and the meat is gonna murder tonight

1629
01:10:40,066 --> 01:10:41,040
♫ Look out boys

1630
01:10:41,041 --> 01:10:42,118
♫ Look out girls

1631
01:10:42,119 --> 01:10:43,729
♫ Look out everybody
in the whole wide world

1632
01:10:43,730 --> 01:10:45,550
♫ All right

1633
01:10:45,551 --> 01:10:47,392
♫ It's true

1634
01:10:47,884 --> 01:10:49,233
♫ Well, the meat is murder

1635
01:10:49,234 --> 01:10:51,405
♫ And the meat is gonna murder you

1636
01:10:51,973 --> 01:10:52,914
♫ Look out lips

1637
01:10:52,915 --> 01:10:54,109
♫ Look out gums

1638
01:10:54,110 --> 01:10:55,742
♫ Look out esophagus 'cause here it comes

1639
01:10:55,743 --> 01:10:57,744
♫ All right

1640
01:10:57,745 --> 01:10:59,785
♫ So true

1641
01:10:59,786 --> 01:11:03,861
♫ Meat is murder and the
meat is gonna murder you

1642
01:11:03,862 --> 01:11:07,329
♫ Meat is murder and the
meat is gonna murder you

1643
01:11:08,038 --> 01:11:12,038
♫ A-one, a-two, a-one two three

1644
01:11:14,308 --> 01:11:18,475
♫ A-my baby, she's as cute as she can be

1645
01:11:18,552 --> 01:11:22,719
♫ Well my baby, she's
as cute as she can be

1646
01:11:22,948 --> 01:11:25,272
♫ From her eyes to her knees

1647
01:11:25,273 --> 01:11:27,582
♫ To her 36C's

1648
01:11:27,583 --> 01:11:31,750
♫ My baby, she's as cute as she can be

1649
01:11:32,227 --> 01:11:36,325
♫ Well my baby, she
don't love no one but me

1650
01:11:36,326 --> 01:11:40,493
♫ Oh my baby, she don't love no one but me

1651
01:11:40,715 --> 01:11:42,905
♫ I go over to her place

1652
01:11:42,906 --> 01:11:45,334
♫ But I can't get to second base

1653
01:11:45,335 --> 01:11:49,502
♫ My baby, she don't love no one but me

1654
01:12:07,848 --> 01:12:11,805
♫ Her daddy, he doesn't care for me

1655
01:12:11,806 --> 01:12:15,973
♫ No her daddy doesn't care for me

1656
01:12:16,302 --> 01:12:18,622
♫ Well I took her to a dance

1657
01:12:18,623 --> 01:12:21,437
♫ But I couldn't get in
her father's good graces

1658
01:12:21,438 --> 01:12:25,605
♫ Her daddy, he don't care for me

1659
01:13:14,685 --> 01:13:15,685
Johnny?

1660
01:13:16,490 --> 01:13:18,308
Johnny, come on!

1661
01:13:18,309 --> 01:13:20,109
Wake up, Johnny!

1662
01:13:20,110 --> 01:13:21,443
Wake up, Johnny!

1663
01:13:26,132 --> 01:13:28,049
And, cut.

1663
01:13:29,305 --> 01:14:29,430