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Previously on The Big Bang Theory...
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Uh, we sort of have another reason
for asking you here.
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We want to have a baby,
but we can't do it on our own.
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Okay.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
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This has been such a nice evening.
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Let's all just stop before
anyone says any more things.
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Leonard, would you be
the father of our baby?
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Oh, you said a thing.
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Thank you guys again
for agreeing to do this.
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Yeah, it means so much to us.
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Oh, we're happy we can help.
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Yeah, and we don't find it weird at all.
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It's a little weird for us, too.
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I mean, instead of our baby
looking like Zack,
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it's gonna look like Leonard.
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Or Penny, if it's a girl.
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You know, it's not gonna look...
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Sure.
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But I promise,
we're gonna be really good parents.
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Oh, we know you will.
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- So what is the next step?
- Yeah.
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Well, Leonard,
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- we're hoping you'd go in on Monday.
- Okay.
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And they say for the best results,
between now and then,
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you shouldn't have sex.
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Sorry, bro, I know it seems impossible
to go for five days without,
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but I believe in you.
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Five days? My record is 24 years.
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- I think that also means no flying solo.
- Oh.
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Then my record is 14 years.
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And, well, we're really hoping
for a son,
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so just like keep that in mind
when you're in there.
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Yeah just think,
"Little boys, little boys."
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Still, just totally not weird.
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Hello.
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Hey, Sheldon. We're kind of
in the middle of something here.
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Oh, I won't be a moment. I just need
to grab a book off a high shelf,
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which I can do
because I am both tall and smart.
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Sheldon, come home,
they don't wanna have your baby.
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I don't know what you're talking about.
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Oh, dear, I think I got something
in my eye, my piercing blue eye.
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- Sheldon!
- Fine.
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I've also never had a cavity
and I don't have asthma.
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Our whole universe
was in a hot dense state
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Then nearly fourteen billion years ago
expansion started...
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Wait!
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The earth began to cool
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The autotrophs began to drool
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Neanderthals developed tools
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We built a wall
We built the pyramids
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Math, science, history
Unraveling the mystery
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It all started with the Big Bang!
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Bang!
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So, this week
would've been my wedding
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if Anu and I hadn't decided
to slow things down.
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Oh. Yeah, I would've forgotten,
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except for those nonrefundable
airline tickets to India I bought.
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- Sorry.
- No, no, what's $3,000 between friends?
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Yeah, I probably would've just thrown it
away on healthcare for my children.
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If you still wanna go,
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you can go to India and help my dad
eat all the nonrefundable sushi.
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Indian sushi? I need a change
of underwear just thinking about that.
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I really think
we made the right decision.
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Agreed. Although, I did have
a pretty awesome bachelor party
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planned for this weekend.
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Really? What was it?
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Well, I used my NASA connections to
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get us four seats on that plane
that lets you experience weightlessness.
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The Vomit Comet. That is so cool.
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Like, I've always wanted
to experience weightlessness.
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The closest I ever came was that time
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I accidentally set my scale
to kilograms.
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I know, it would've been fun,
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but, hey, the next time you decide
to marry a woman you barely know.
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We could still go, you know,
make it a guys' weekend.
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Yeah. All right. Let's do it.
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Great. It'll be like the good old days.
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You mean, when we were all sad,
desperate and horribly alone?
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I remember it more fondly.
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Leonard, if you had food on your face,
would you want me to tell you?
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Where? Did I get it?
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Oh, no, not now, it was last week.
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Look, I didn't know whether or not
to tell you, but everyone was staring.
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For the record, it was right there.
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And it was Nutella.
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Thanks.
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You looked like a hazelnut Hitler.
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Hey, who wants to hear
some exciting news?
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Oh, what's up?
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This weekend, I got us four seats
on the Vomit Comet.
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Oh! You lost me at "vomit,"
you lost me again at "comet."
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And to be honest,
I was on fence at "us."
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Yeah, I can't go either.
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Penny's dad is visiting from Nebraska,
and I haven't seen him for a while.
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Oh! That's nice you guys get along.
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I forget, Howard,
does your father-in-law still hate you?
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He doesn't hate me.
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He's just disappointed that I'm not
any other man on the planet.
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That's how I feel about
Ben Affleck as Batman.
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Well, these two are out.
There goes our guys' weekend.
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Okay, so let's make it
a couples' weekend.
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I'll bring Anu. You bring Bernadette.
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I'm not sure Bernie would like it.
Maybe I'll invite Stuart or Bert.
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Oh! Go with Bert. He's huge.
It'd be fun to watch him float around.
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Like that time the Underdog balloon
got away at the Macy's parade.
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Hey, what are those?
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Oh, vitamins. Zack wants me
to take them to increase my virility.
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Zack used the word "virility"?
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He may have said "wiener power."
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Okay. Well, that's my dad.
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Now, remember,
do not bring up any baby stuff, right?
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Not me not wanting one,
not you having one with Zack.
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- Got it.
- And if he brings it up,
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change the subject
to literally anything else.
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- I got it.
- But not the Cornhuskers.
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Do not discuss the Cornhuskers.
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Is that a sports team?
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Never mind, you're good.
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- Hey, slugger.
- Daddy. Hi.
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Aw.
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Hey, Wyatt.
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Leonard.
Hey, that's a hell of a handshake.
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Oh, well, you know,
I have been taking vitamins.
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Dad, come on in, sit down.
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Can I get you something to drink?
Maybe a beer?
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- Sure, if you're having one.
- All right.
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And why wouldn't you?
Since you're not pregnant.
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Um...
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Leonard wants to have a baby
with my ex-boyfriend, Zack.
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How about those Cornhuskers?
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Hey, would you mind if Raj and I
went away this weekend?
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Well, it is important for you two
to keep the spark alive.
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No, it's just
the bachelor party I had planned.
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I thought we'd do it anyway.
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Oh, so a guys' weekend?
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Kind of. I mean, Sheldon and Leonard
couldn't make it,
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so Raj invited Anu and I asked Stuart.
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Wait, you invited Stuart before me?
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Well, actually I invited Bert
before Stuart,
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but I don't know
why I just told you that.
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Why didn't you invite me?
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Because...
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I know you. You don't wanna
float weightless in an airplane.
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What are you talking about?
I love doing crazy stuff like that.
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Bernie, you got sick
from the teacup ride at Disneyland.
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Lots of people do.
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We were still in line.
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So, you don't want me to go?
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No, I want you to go,
if you're gonna have fun.
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I don't want you to go if you're gonna
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be miserable
and ruin it for everyone.
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Which is a long way of saying
I want you to go.
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- I think this is going pretty good, huh?
- What?
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Maybe for you.
You threw me under the bus.
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Oh, I'm sorry. I panicked.
He was judging me.
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What? Now he's judging me.
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I know, it worked.
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You two might wanna talk louder
or quieter.
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In high school, he could hear me
open a can of beer in my closet
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under a blanket.
161
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So, let me get this straight, Leonard.
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She doesn't wanna have your baby,
but her dumbbell ex-boyfriend does.
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Well, no, I wouldn't say it like that.
164
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Now, how would you say it?
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Uh, same words, just less angry.
166
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:23,710
Well, I don't know about Los Angeles,
but in Nebraska, that's kind of strange.
167
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,430
It's strange here, too.
And we have a bakery for dogs.
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- And you're okay with this?
- I support my husband.
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Thank you.
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00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:33,696
But, you know, if you think differently,
you should feel free to say so,
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you know, just like...
Make a scene.
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Okay. Look, they can't have
kids of their own,
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and they like that I'm smart
and they want that for their child.
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- No, I get it.
- You do?
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Sure. Back on the farm,
we had a prize stallion,
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we didn't let that just go to waste,
we put him out to stud.
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No, no, this is...
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- This is a little different than that...
- No, no. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
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Uh, you were comparing me
to a prize stud, go on.
180
00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:12,277
You have fun with your new best buddy?
181
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Hey, it's your fault your dad likes me.
You dated idiots your whole life.
182
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Well, he was right about one thing,
I am married to a stud.
183
00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:24,120
- Really?
- Yeah.
184
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I felt so bad about selling you out.
185
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,037
I thought I would
maybe make it up to you.
186
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,670
No, no, no. Wait. Wait, I can't.
187
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,954
I mean, I want to, but I'm not
supposed to for the next three days.
188
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Oh.
189
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- That's right, I forgot.
- All right.
190
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:44,716
Well, I guess I'll just read a little
and then, I don't know, go to sleep.
191
00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:51,638
Really? That's what you're sleeping in?
192
00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:53,677
- Oh. You want me to take it off?
- No.
193
00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:58,240
All right. Well, then pipe down
and let me read my comic book.
194
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,795
Penny, I know what you're doing.
Just, please stop.
195
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:04,519
Ooh! Listen to this.
196
00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:08,991
"Bam. Pow. Take that, Batman."
197
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,878
Thanks again for doing this, guys.
198
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:16,792
- Of course.
- I'm so excited.
199
00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:18,155
I'm glad you came.
200
00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:20,480
Howard made it sound
like this wasn't your kind of thing.
201
00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:23,439
He did say that, but here I am,
so what does he know.
202
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:26,560
I'm sorry. I just
203
00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:29,599
didn't think you'd enjoy plummeting
to the Earth at 400 miles an hour.
204
00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:31,399
I love going fast.
205
00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:35,396
Unlike Grammy here, poking along
at 70 miles an hour, am I right?
206
00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:40,917
I've always wanted to do this.
I'm an adrenaline junkie.
207
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:45,114
Roller coasters, snowboarding,
dating men who bathe with their dogs.
208
00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:48,234
It was during a drought.
209
00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:51,674
I'm a thrill seeker, too.
210
00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:54,156
I've had to pull back
since I became a mom,
211
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,471
but I'll still jump
on the back of a grocery cart
212
00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:58,438
and just roll through the meat section.
213
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:03,071
And I'm married to her,
which is quite the ride.
214
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:11,074
215
00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:29,880
Amy?
216
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:32,120
Yeah?
217
00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:34,040
There's something out here.
218
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:38,674
Just trap it under a cup
and I'll be there in a minute.
219
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:42,074
I'll try, but it's Leonard.
220
00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:44,516
What?
221
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,229
Well, what is he doing here?
222
00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:52,040
I told you if we left pizza
on the counter, we'd attract something.
223
00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:58,473
Oh. Hey, guys. Sorry, I used my key.
I just needed a place to crash.
224
00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:00,435
Is everything okay?
225
00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:05,549
Yeah, I had to get out of the apartment,
my wife kept trying to have sex with me.
226
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:09,320
Been there.
227
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:20,000
- Why are you trying to avoid having sex?
- Well, we just did it three weeks ago...
228
00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:21,918
I was talking to Leonard!
229
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:28,437
Well, I have to go to the clinic
for Zack and Marissa on Monday,
230
00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:30,512
and I'm supposed to
save myself until then.
231
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:35,114
Sounds like maybe Penny
is not totally on board with that plan.
232
00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:40,437
She said she was,
but she also said I looked dope.
233
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:45,033
Honestly, I don't even think
I looked fly.
234
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,296
So, you're willing
to go through with this,
235
00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,039
even though she clearly
has reservations?
236
00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,914
If she has a problem,
she should say something.
237
00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:54,800
She tried to seduce you.
238
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:57,236
If that's not a cry for help,
I don't know what is.
239
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:03,229
Penny doesn't wanna have kids,
I respect that,
240
00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:06,114
but this is my chance
to leave a part of me behind.
241
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,636
Okay. But this isn't gonna
make you a dad.
242
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:11,757
It's gonna be their baby, not yours.
243
00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,520
Although, someday,
if that kid wants to know
244
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:18,434
why he's short, near-sighted
and asthmatic,
245
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:21,715
he may hunt you down.
246
00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:29,030
Are you guys ready for the most
intense experience of your life?
247
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:30,316
- Yes.
- Definitely.
248
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:33,916
Not to brag, but I'm an astronaut,
so I've been weightless before.
249
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:35,798
Can be pretty scary.
250
00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:39,159
Please, I'm like 90 pounds.
251
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:42,074
I'm weightless every time
I hold more than three balloons.
252
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,720
Okay. I just need you guys
to sign these waivers,
253
00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,200
and then you can go get changed.
254
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:48,595
There are a lot of pages here.
255
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:51,195
Is this a waiver or a screenplay
you've been working on?
256
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:54,393
I'm sure it's just boilerplate.
257
00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:56,830
Absolutely. It's to protect us
in case of injury.
258
00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,274
It says "or death."
259
00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:03,190
Which is awesome.
260
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,517
- Done.
- Where are the changing rooms?
261
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:09,080
Dressing rooms are in the back.
262
00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:11,440
No peeking.
263
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:17,951
Here you go. Okay.
Should we go get changed?
264
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,032
Yeah. Hang on a second.
265
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:21,878
What?
266
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,554
I have two babies at home.
What am I doing?
267
00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:27,755
If you don't wanna do this,
then why'd you come?
268
00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:31,118
To prove to Howard that he doesn't
know me as well as he thinks he does.
269
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:33,669
Looks like he does.
270
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:36,270
Unless I do it and then he doesn't.
271
00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:39,999
Why not just be honest?
272
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:43,351
You're right, I should be honest.
273
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:47,434
You owe me $3,000
for those plane tickets to India!
274
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:54,720
Hey.
275
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:58,275
Had a long run.
276
00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:02,070
Yeah. Well, I was in the zone,
you know, and then in a diner,
277
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:04,629
and then in a massage chair at the mall
where I fell asleep.
278
00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:08,110
Are you avoiding me?
279
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:11,716
Well, I took a nap next to
Hot Dog on a Stick. What do you think?
280
00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:17,229
I think you're mad at me and Leonard,
281
00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:20,594
but maybe you're really mad at yourself.
282
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:22,680
Why would I be mad at myself?
283
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:26,192
Because you regret
this "no baby" plan of yours.
284
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:28,920
You know, it's pretty crappy of you
to make me feel bad about this.
285
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:30,997
I'm not trying to make you feel bad.
286
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:33,279
But do you?
287
00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:38,313
Yes. I feel like
I'm letting everybody down.
288
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:41,792
I hate disappointing Leonard,
but I really hate disappointing you.
289
00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:44,190
Aw, Slugger,
you could never disappoint me.
290
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,389
Okay, your high school years
were a little rough.
291
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:53,797
Yeah. Sorry about that.
292
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,559
There was you sneaking out at night,
293
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,456
and your boyfriend
sneaking out in the morning.
294
00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:58,596
I said sorry.
295
00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:01,431
That time you got drunk
and stole a horse.
296
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,910
Yeah. I was there. I remember.
297
00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:05,430
Parts of it.
298
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:07,800
But besides all that,
299
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:11,515
being your dad is the best thing
ever happened to me.
300
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,274
What about Randall and Lisa?
301
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:17,150
They're okay.
302
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:19,834
I just don't want you to miss out.
303
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,000
I know.
304
00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:25,799
But if this is really what you want,
or don't want,
305
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:27,596
I'm on your side.
306
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:29,560
Thanks.
307
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:33,955
- Hey.
- Hey.
308
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,478
Uh, Wyatt, we need to talk.
309
00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:37,994
Sure. What's up?
310
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:40,759
I want you to back off.
311
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:44,957
You know, if Penny and I
don't have kids, that's between us.
312
00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:46,360
So you need to stay out of it...
313
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:48,511
Leonard, it's okay.
We talked. We're good.
314
00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:51,080
Oh.
315
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,359
Okay. You could've stopped me sooner.
316
00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:00,232
- Could've let you go longer.
- Uh-huh.
317
00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,909
- You did great, Leonard. Very forceful.
- Yeah?
318
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:08,517
I felt like my voice
was a little shaky there.
319
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:12,270
Uh...
320
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:17,191
Hey, I decided to not go through
with this Zack and Marissa thing.
321
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:19,917
Really? You were so excited about it.
322
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,480
I know,
323
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:24,593
but, um, I think
I was just fooling myself.
324
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:30,116
I would be heartbroken if I had
a kid out there and I wasn't his dad.
325
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:32,600
I know you would.
326
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:35,679
Yeah.
327
00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:39,910
So, that thing you wanted
to do last night, I'm available.
328
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:43,717
I got real good hearing there, stud.
329
00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:50,950
All right, everyone's suited up.
Let's head out to the tarmac.
330
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:52,799
Actually, one second.
331
00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:55,797
Howie, I don't think I should do this.
332
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:59,758
Really? Well, I did not see that coming.
333
00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:03,710
It's just, we have kids,
334
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:05,871
and it's not smart
to put us both in danger.
335
00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:07,190
That's a good point.
336
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,840
When I was little,
my parents never flew together.
337
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:13,118
We thought it was because they loved us,
but it turns out they hated each other.
338
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,476
See, I just think I shouldn't go.
339
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,517
Actually, this is much safer
than driving a car.
340
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,000
Stay out of it, flyboy.
341
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:26,511
You're right.
But I've done this before,
342
00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:30,156
and since you really, really wanna go,
I'll stay here.
343
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:32,640
Oh. Great.
344
00:19:32,641 --> 00:19:35,519
Unless you don't want to
because I was right and I do know you.
345
00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:37,395
Well, if you really know me,
346
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:39,176
then you know how far I'll go
to prove a point.
347
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:41,440
Apparently 34,000 feet that way,
then straight back down.
348
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:42,954
Up and down, over and over again
349
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:44,760
until you throw up food
you didn't even eat.
350
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,271
They are definitely
your weirdest friends.
351
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:50,669
If only that were true.
352
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,116
I hate this so much!
353
00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:00,558
Why am I doing this?
354
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:04,157
To prove a stupid point to your husband.
355
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:06,352
Oh, right! Worth it.
356
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:16,235
Hey, Zack. Um...
357
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,595
Look, I know
this is gonna be disappointing,
358
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:21,512
but, um, I can't do this.
359
00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:26,594
No, no. I know how, I just can't.
360
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:34,117
But, hey, look, if you like,
I know someone who might be interested.
361
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,632
No! Absolutely not!
362
00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:41,720
I'm sorry. My wife says I'm not allowed.
362
00:20:42,305 --> 00:21:42,347
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