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Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE
www.osdb.link/lm
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Sting!
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Sting, open up! It's Bieber!
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Sting! Come on! Sting!
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It's Bieber, bro! Open the door!
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00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:02,414
Oh, fudge!
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00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:17,763
You can't kill us all.
8
00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:19,723
We will protect the Chosen One.
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00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:43,098
Peace out, world. Peace out.
10
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:05,495
Valentina, he was pronounced dead
13 minutes ago.
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00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,080
I can't believe it.
12
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:10,208
Justin Bieber? No.
13
00:04:12,169 --> 00:04:15,547
The sixth pop star to die in the last year.
14
00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:20,177
And all with that look.
15
00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:24,014
As if they were
trying to tell us something.
16
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,266
That look.
17
00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:31,146
There's only one person on Earth
18
00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:33,148
who would know
how to interpret this look.
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00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:35,192
It's a dead end, Valentina.
20
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,152
No one has seen that man in years.
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00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:40,781
Then God help us all.
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{\an8}Shocking. Stupefying.
23
00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:59,132
{\an8}Something out of a Hollywood
disaster movie.
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00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:01,384
{\an8}Just a few of the ways
New Yorkers described
25
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,179
{\an8}what happened today
as Derek Zoolander's
26
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:05,847
{\an8}Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good
27
00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:08,767
{\an8}and Who Wanna Learn to Do
Other Stuff Good, Too
28
00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:11,436
{\an8}literally collapsed into the East River
29
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:14,189
{\an8}only two days after its official opening.
30
00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:16,566
{\an8}Students and teachers were evacuated.
31
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:20,654
And while Zoolander and his son
Derek Jr. were unharmed,
32
00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:23,740
sadly, his wife,
Matilda Jeffries-Zoolander,
33
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:26,159
{\an8}has reportedly died.
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00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:31,081
I just feel lucky no one
from my family was hurt!
35
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:34,584
She was crushed by the book?
36
00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:38,088
A vigil is being held tonight
37
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:41,508
{\an8}for the other chisel-cheeked lion
of the modeling kingdom,
38
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,844
{\an8}Hansel, who is reported
to have sustained
39
00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:47,055
{\an8}permanent injury
to his breathtaking face
40
00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:49,641
{\an8}after being trapped
beneath a burning beam.
41
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:52,143
{\an8}Although authorities
are still investigating,
42
00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:54,521
{\an8}the cause of the disaster
is believed to be
43
00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:57,190
{\an8}Zoolander's mind-boggling decision
44
00:05:57,274 --> 00:05:59,234
{\an8}to build the reading center
45
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:02,445
{\an8}out of the actual materials
that were used to construct
46
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:05,657
{\an8}the original architectural model.
47
00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:08,034
{\an8}Clothing designer Jacob Moogberg,
48
00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:09,870
AKA Jacobim Mugatu
49
00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:12,664
was sentenced today
to two consecutive life terms
50
00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:15,375
in a maximum security fashion prison
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00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:17,544
{\an8}for his role in
the attempted assassination
52
00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:19,170
{\an8}of the Malaysian Prime Minister.
53
00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:20,922
{\an8}His co-conspirator, modeling agent
54
00:06:21,006 --> 00:06:23,383
{\an8}Maury Ballstein, turned state's witness...
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00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:26,303
{\an8}I'll give you anything
you want on that fakakta fink.
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00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:30,140
{\an8}...in exchange for relocation
in the Witness Protection Program.
57
00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:34,477
Back in the news tonight, former model,
negligent builder,
58
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:37,230
now unfit parent, Derek Zoolander.
59
00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:41,902
{\an8}This footage was taken by a neighbor
across from Zoolander's SoHo loft.
60
00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:44,613
{\an8}D.J., how did Mommy make it soft?
61
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:49,910
{\an8}The Child Protection Agency
removed Zoolander's son, Derek Jr.
62
00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:54,664
{\an8}late last night in a daring midnight raid
placing him in the custody of the state.
63
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:57,918
Which is why it pains me to say
64
00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:00,503
that effective immediately,
I will retire from modeling
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00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:04,549
and live alone as a hermit crab.
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00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:08,261
{\an8}I will now be anonymous
and known only as...
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00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:10,180
{\an8}Eric
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00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:12,098
Toolander.
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00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:17,604
And finally tonight,
here's something to make you feel old.
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00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:19,022
Incredible as it may sound,
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00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:22,943
of the over 3.7 million
high school graduates this year
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00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:26,446
less than 2% could tell you
what a fax machine is,
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00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:31,368
name a Caucasian President,
or know who Derek Zoolander was.
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00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,454
Was... Was... Was...
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00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:14,703
Go away.
76
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:17,664
Derek! Open up, it's me.
77
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:19,791
I'm sorry, traveler,
you must have lost your way.
78
00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:21,710
No one lives here by that name.
79
00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:24,295
Right. Sorry. I mean, Eric.
80
00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:25,672
I've got your mail.
81
00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:41,104
Billy Zane. It's been years.
82
00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:44,024
Where's my regular mailperson, Ingvar?
83
00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:45,358
He couldn't make it.
84
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:47,944
I was in the neighborhood,
I thought I'd stop by.
85
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:50,655
Got your Netflix.
86
00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:54,534
Jack Ryan
87
00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:56,161
and Jack Reacher.
88
00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:58,163
Tonight's gonna be a total Jack-off.
89
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:00,957
You have something else here.
90
00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:04,669
What is it?
91
00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:06,296
Open it.
92
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:24,647
Gryootings, Derek Zoolownder.
93
00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:27,150
Are you a Boxtroll?
94
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,277
That's Alexanya Atoz,
95
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,905
owner of the largest
fashion empire in the world.
96
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:36,993
Because you are one of the world's
true fishion icons,
97
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:42,332
I have personal selected you
to come to Rome...
98
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:45,543
The Eturnanal Cyootee...
99
00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:48,379
To muddel my nyouest colleeauction
100
00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:51,466
by my hoottest now designer...
101
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:54,260
Doon Atari.
102
00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:56,137
Who?
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00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:57,931
Don Atari.
104
00:09:58,014 --> 00:09:59,599
He's "it" in fashion right now.
105
00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:01,476
People would die to be in his show.
106
00:10:01,893 --> 00:10:03,269
I can't.
107
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:05,647
I'm a hermit crab now.
108
00:10:05,897 --> 00:10:08,817
- Gryootings, Derek Zoolownder.
- I already told you!
109
00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:10,860
It's like you're not even listening to me!
110
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,326
Derek...
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00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:20,829
Eric.
112
00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:24,874
Maybe it's time to engage
with the world again.
113
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:28,128
Think about it, man.
This could be a sign.
114
00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:30,713
And what if it's a stop sign, Billy?
115
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:35,260
I used to be a successful
model/fashion icon.
116
00:10:36,219 --> 00:10:38,805
Now, I'm just a model/failure.
117
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Slash-guy who is still a model/father.
118
00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:45,145
Slash-guy who killed his wife
119
00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:47,897
using cheap building materials
that collapsed on her.
120
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:53,194
Slash-guy who has got to stop
beating himself up about that!
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00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:55,655
Slash-guy who couldn't
make spaghetti soft
122
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:56,823
so they took away his son,
123
00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:59,409
so-slash-now he's alone
and hiding from the world.
124
00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:02,245
Slash.
125
00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:07,792
Slash-have you ever even tried
to get your son back?
126
00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:12,547
You can do that?
127
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:16,134
Yeah. You'd hire a litigator,
he files the appropriate paperwork...
128
00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:18,261
But I don't even know where he is.
129
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,263
First things first.
130
00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:24,851
If you take this job
that Alexanya's offering you,
131
00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:26,519
you could prove to Child Services
132
00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:29,397
that you're a productive
member of society again.
133
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:32,692
Go to Rome.
134
00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:35,361
Find yourself.
135
00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:38,907
Become the father you were meant to be
136
00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:41,951
and get your boy back.
137
00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:56,007
Safe journey, my friend!
138
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,302
Thanks, Billy!
139
00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:50,353
What have you got?
140
00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:00,697
Ball and chain not happy.
141
00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:14,043
Sorry I'm late! Oh, my gosh.
142
00:13:14,836 --> 00:13:16,504
I was finishing up Shavasana
143
00:13:16,587 --> 00:13:19,632
and this sandstorm
kicked up out of nowhere.
144
00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:21,217
I'm okay, though.
145
00:13:22,093 --> 00:13:24,012
Natalka, you look beautiful.
146
00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:25,722
Really?
147
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:27,557
Yes, really.
148
00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:30,184
Dinner is ruined!
149
00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:34,814
Guys, I told you not to wait for me,
didn't I?
150
00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:36,482
Remember, we talked about this.
151
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:38,818
Can't we just take it slow?
152
00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:42,780
When I met you guys two years ago,
it was the best orgy of my life.
153
00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:46,409
Let's get back to that feeling. It's there.
154
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:49,829
Hansel.
155
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:54,500
Every relationship has to evolve.
156
00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:58,212
And somehow, you've managed
to stay the same.
157
00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:01,674
But you're gonna
have to change, my man.
158
00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,634
'Cause change, she is a-comin'.
159
00:14:04,427 --> 00:14:05,428
What?
160
00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:14,687
Natalka.
161
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,028
All of you?
162
00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:29,619
How is this even possible?
163
00:14:29,911 --> 00:14:31,662
We thought you'd be happy.
164
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,374
Well, I am happy.
165
00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:35,792
That...
166
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:39,295
It's just a lot to process,
and that's what I'm doing.
167
00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:43,800
To be honest, I've never seen myself
in this role, you know, as a...
168
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:45,468
You mean a father?
169
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:48,137
Well... I...
170
00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:50,754
Let me... I want to check on...
171
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:52,475
On the camel here!
172
00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:03,403
Who am I?
173
00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:08,157
Who am I?
174
00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:10,118
Hey, Hansel!
175
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:14,997
Billy Zane?
176
00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:17,500
Got your Netflix.
177
00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:20,169
And this.
178
00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:43,961
- Thanks very much.
- No, it's my bag.
179
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:45,111
Excuse me, I think that's...
180
00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:47,447
No, trust me, this is my bag.
181
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:49,907
- Just look at the ticket right here.
- Hansel.
182
00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:51,576
Never heard of him, honcho.
183
00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:54,245
Look right here at the ticket
and you can see that...
184
00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:57,874
Derek Zoolander.
185
00:16:00,001 --> 00:16:02,837
Hi. It's been a long time.
186
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:05,381
Yeah. Not long enough.
187
00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:09,719
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I think I should peace.
188
00:16:10,011 --> 00:16:11,596
Wait a minute!
189
00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:13,031
We haven't seen each other since...
190
00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:16,058
Since the building you designed
fell on my face and ruined my career?
191
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:17,768
Yeah, it's been a while.
192
00:16:17,852 --> 00:16:19,729
It was an accident. I didn't mean to...
193
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:22,940
You didn't mean to build
the support beams out of popsicle sticks
194
00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:24,984
and highly-flammable rubber cement?
195
00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:26,360
That was just a little accident?
196
00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:27,445
Yeah.
197
00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:30,740
This is it. Forever.
198
00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:32,366
Because I promise you,
199
00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:35,661
this is the last time
we will ever see each other.
200
00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:37,371
Right here, this moment.
201
00:16:37,622 --> 00:16:39,582
Good-bye forever.
202
00:16:40,041 --> 00:16:41,626
Works for me.
203
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,308
Hope you're not an epiplectic,
because we're about to get blinded.
204
00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:58,893
Yep. Here we go.
205
00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:03,189
Susan Boyle, right here!
206
00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:06,692
Take a picture of that!
207
00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:08,110
Vultures!
208
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:12,990
I guess with my beard
and your disgusting face,
209
00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:14,367
they don't know who we are.
210
00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:16,118
Derek! Hansel!
211
00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:18,454
Hey, boys. I'm Vip.
212
00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:22,041
- Vip?
- Yeah.
213
00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:24,293
I'm in charge of social media
for Don Atari.
214
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:26,045
I've been working for him
since I was 10.
215
00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:27,463
How old are you now?
216
00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:30,132
Eleven. Should we go to the hotel?
217
00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:49,068
Pretty strange, you and I both getting
called back to the big stage like this.
218
00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:52,655
A gig's a gig.
I'm just doing this to get my son back.
219
00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:56,742
Explain how doing a fashion show's
gonna accomplish that.
220
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:59,829
Simple. Child Services hears
I'm working again,
221
00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:04,125
KKK, a responsible parent,
and they give me my son back.
222
00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:06,043
Responsible parent?
223
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:07,938
What? You don't think I could be one?
224
00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:10,798
No, it just brings up
some junk from the past.
225
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:13,801
I didn't have a father.
It's kind of my big issue right now.
226
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:15,595
You didn't have a father?
227
00:18:15,678 --> 00:18:19,890
Nah. All my mom ever told me
was my dad was a beat cop.
228
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:23,144
Always on the road.
229
00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:25,521
The road away from little Hansel.
230
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:37,366
Valentina. You're going
to want to see this.
231
00:18:44,707 --> 00:18:47,335
Check out Mr. Disco Barry Gibb.
232
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,381
Zoolander is in Rome?
233
00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:05,227
Welcome to the Palazzo D'Caca.
234
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:08,981
The entire hotel is biodegradable
and made from reclaimed human waste.
235
00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:13,903
This is the ultra-exclusive, fully-toxic,
Zero-Footprint Suite.
236
00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:16,447
The masseuses at the spa
are all homeless.
237
00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:19,200
And the hotel has complimentary
farm-to-table Wi-Fi.
238
00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:21,285
Wait... We're rooming together?
239
00:19:22,578 --> 00:19:24,372
There must be some mistake.
240
00:19:24,455 --> 00:19:26,707
- I'll call Billy Zane.
- Good idea.
241
00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:30,920
Look, tiny phone! That is so retro.
242
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,763
I'm gonna take a picture of it
with my phone.
243
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:34,895
This is Billy Zane. I'm not here right...
244
00:19:35,466 --> 00:19:38,094
Well, Don Atari is waiting for you
down in the lobby.
245
00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:40,680
And don't drink the water or you'll die.
246
00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:46,936
- I just have one question.
- Yeah?
247
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:51,107
What in the world is
farm-to-table Wi-Fi?
248
00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:52,525
You're asking me?
249
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:54,860
Muchacho, I have no idea.
250
00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:56,570
- For serious?
- No!
251
00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:58,840
Because when Vip said that,
you had this look on your face, like,
252
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:00,658
"I totally know
what farm-to-table Wi-Fi is!"
253
00:20:00,741 --> 00:20:03,035
I was acting cool
'cause I thought you knew.
254
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:04,495
I thought you knew!
255
00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:07,415
No, I just didn't want Vip to think
I was uncool!
256
00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:11,627
I miss not knowing things with you.
257
00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:15,381
Yeah. Me, too.
Why didn't we do this sooner?
258
00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:16,951
Because we've both been in hiding
259
00:20:17,007 --> 00:20:19,468
since the day I killed my wife
and permanently disfigured you.
260
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,595
Yeah, that's probably it.
261
00:20:23,639 --> 00:20:25,516
That was the day I lost the fire.
262
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:26,976
The fire?
263
00:20:27,518 --> 00:20:29,353
The fire in my face.
264
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:33,023
It's kind of my big issue right now.
265
00:20:33,107 --> 00:20:36,026
You still got it, D-Zone.
You're Derek Zoolander.
266
00:20:36,110 --> 00:20:39,196
You stopped a Chinese throwing star
in mid-air with a look.
267
00:20:42,324 --> 00:20:43,617
I was there.
268
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:46,620
That's not me anymore.
269
00:20:46,704 --> 00:20:47,997
Yes, it is.
270
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,750
Hey, flash me that beautiful look.
271
00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:53,085
Give me that incredible Magnum.
272
00:20:53,169 --> 00:20:54,170
No!
273
00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:57,381
- Think fast. Magnum.
- Wait, no!
274
00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:58,632
Magnum! Now!
275
00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:02,803
Come on! You got this,
but you got to focus!
276
00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:06,390
- Come on!
- Hansel, stop!
277
00:21:06,474 --> 00:21:08,267
You got this! Yeah!
278
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:09,935
Maybe we could try a wash cloth?
279
00:21:10,019 --> 00:21:11,687
- Tequila!
- Hansel, no!
280
00:21:13,022 --> 00:21:15,357
No! It's not working!
281
00:21:16,233 --> 00:21:17,526
You're right.
282
00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,658
What happened to us?
283
00:21:26,410 --> 00:21:28,204
You mean me.
284
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:31,290
You still have it.
285
00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:32,666
No, I don't.
286
00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:35,252
Look at this face. It's a horror show.
287
00:21:39,882 --> 00:21:42,802
Come on, Hansel. It can't be that bad.
288
00:21:42,885 --> 00:21:44,220
It is.
289
00:21:44,845 --> 00:21:46,388
- Take off your mask.
- No.
290
00:21:46,514 --> 00:21:50,226
No way. No one's ever seen me
without this mask.
291
00:21:50,351 --> 00:21:51,602
And no one ever will.
292
00:21:53,229 --> 00:21:55,064
I think I know the real you.
293
00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:58,234
And it has nothing to do
with the way you look.
294
00:21:59,068 --> 00:22:00,528
You mean that?
295
00:22:00,611 --> 00:22:02,112
Of course, I do.
296
00:22:02,446 --> 00:22:03,531
Okay.
297
00:22:09,078 --> 00:22:10,621
It's disgusting! Put it back!
298
00:22:10,704 --> 00:22:12,724
I was wrong, please,
put the mask back on! It's so gross!
299
00:22:12,748 --> 00:22:15,042
I can't be friends with you
if you look like that! Please!
300
00:22:15,584 --> 00:22:17,670
It is so disgusting! Please, put it back!
301
00:22:17,753 --> 00:22:19,421
Please, Hansel, put it back,
I was wrong!
302
00:22:19,505 --> 00:22:21,841
No. This feels good.
303
00:22:22,466 --> 00:22:23,860
Could you please put the mask back on
304
00:22:23,884 --> 00:22:25,487
so I can concentrate on
what you're saying?
305
00:22:25,511 --> 00:22:27,930
No! I'm done hiding.
306
00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:31,475
Look, there's only one way
for us to find ourselves.
307
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:32,768
Know what that is?
308
00:22:33,227 --> 00:22:35,813
Look inward and connect with
our authentic truth?
309
00:22:36,105 --> 00:22:38,482
No. I was gonna say
become the two biggest,
310
00:22:38,566 --> 00:22:40,234
hottest models in the world again.
311
00:22:40,317 --> 00:22:41,443
Okay.
312
00:22:41,527 --> 00:22:44,113
Okay. So what say
we get you cleaned up,
313
00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:45,823
shave that billy goat beard,
314
00:22:45,906 --> 00:22:49,702
go downstairs and show these punks
what real fashion looks like?
315
00:23:29,533 --> 00:23:31,952
Oh, my God. Yes, dude!
316
00:23:32,036 --> 00:23:35,623
Yes! You guys look so lame.
I love it, dude.
317
00:23:35,706 --> 00:23:38,542
You ninjas dressed up all
old-school just to meet me. So Jedi.
318
00:23:38,626 --> 00:23:40,210
You guys suck. Both of you guys suck.
319
00:23:40,294 --> 00:23:41,712
You look great.
320
00:23:42,296 --> 00:23:43,505
Thanks.
321
00:23:43,881 --> 00:23:45,799
I'm Don Atari. What up?
322
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:48,010
What up, Hansel?
323
00:23:48,093 --> 00:23:50,137
Yeah. That's sick.
324
00:23:50,512 --> 00:23:52,640
Wait a minute. "I'll call Billy."
325
00:23:53,057 --> 00:23:54,391
I just said that!
326
00:23:55,017 --> 00:23:56,977
I know. Like, 15 minutes ago, right?
327
00:23:57,061 --> 00:24:00,648
Vip told me, so I made these retro shirts
with your old catchphrase on it.
328
00:24:01,357 --> 00:24:02,524
Cool.
329
00:24:02,733 --> 00:24:04,169
Hey, let me introduce
my collective, dude.
330
00:24:04,193 --> 00:24:05,712
They're all losers, I hate these guys.
331
00:24:05,736 --> 00:24:07,738
We got TRS-80, KITT...
332
00:24:08,155 --> 00:24:09,823
Rubik, my man Gleek.
333
00:24:10,157 --> 00:24:13,035
This guy gives the best
shitty tattoos ever.
334
00:24:13,118 --> 00:24:15,204
He's a genius. His tattoos are so stupid.
335
00:24:15,287 --> 00:24:16,914
He's the one who did
my Colonel Sanders.
336
00:24:16,997 --> 00:24:19,625
Look at that, pretty epic?
It sucks, I don't like it, dude.
337
00:24:20,876 --> 00:24:23,295
Why would I do this to myself?
I never wanted this on me.
338
00:24:23,379 --> 00:24:25,379
I love it, dude. I got it
when my grandfather died.
339
00:24:26,215 --> 00:24:28,968
That's really cool.
So, what's the deal with the show?
340
00:24:29,426 --> 00:24:31,971
Yeah, where do you want us
to fire up this chainsaw?
341
00:24:32,054 --> 00:24:35,391
Colosseum? Trevi Fountain?
Spanish Steps?
342
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:37,810
What? No way, dude.
343
00:24:37,893 --> 00:24:39,687
Those places are gnar-gnar bo-bo.
344
00:24:40,062 --> 00:24:42,207
We're holding it in an abandoned
medical waste facility
345
00:24:42,231 --> 00:24:44,149
on top of an industrial trash heap.
346
00:24:44,233 --> 00:24:46,402
It's totally toxic, but super chill.
347
00:24:46,735 --> 00:24:48,487
Cool! Sounds dope.
348
00:24:48,570 --> 00:24:49,655
Yeah, fresh.
349
00:24:50,572 --> 00:24:54,034
What? You guys are like,
"Sounds dope!" "Fresh!"
350
00:24:54,702 --> 00:24:56,870
They're doing the voices and everything!
351
00:24:56,954 --> 00:24:59,373
I didn't think you guys would
do the voices. That's sick!
352
00:24:59,456 --> 00:25:01,750
"Sounds dope! Sounds fresh!"
353
00:25:02,626 --> 00:25:05,462
I don't like you guys.
It's an honor to have you.
354
00:25:21,937 --> 00:25:23,063
Hey, retreads!
355
00:25:23,814 --> 00:25:25,482
I want to introduce you all to my muse
356
00:25:25,566 --> 00:25:27,246
and basically, like,
the biggest supermodel
357
00:25:27,276 --> 00:25:28,819
in the whole world right now, dude.
358
00:25:28,902 --> 00:25:30,404
This is All.
359
00:25:31,196 --> 00:25:32,406
All what?
360
00:25:32,489 --> 00:25:33,824
We are All.
361
00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:38,203
So, are you like
a male model or a female model?
362
00:25:38,412 --> 00:25:41,081
All is not defined by binary constructs.
363
00:25:41,665 --> 00:25:44,001
That's cool. I don't like labels, either.
364
00:25:44,084 --> 00:25:46,879
But I think he's asking,
do you have a hot dog or a bun?
365
00:25:48,756 --> 00:25:50,466
Do you have a wiener or vergiener?
366
00:25:51,258 --> 00:25:54,094
All is all to all.
367
00:25:56,096 --> 00:25:58,932
By the way, All just
married hermself, dude.
368
00:25:59,016 --> 00:26:00,934
Monomarriage is finally legal in Italy.
369
00:26:01,310 --> 00:26:02,853
I support that.
370
00:26:02,936 --> 00:26:04,605
Derek, that's pretty good, right?
371
00:26:08,525 --> 00:26:10,069
I'm sorry, are you not comfortable
372
00:26:10,152 --> 00:26:12,152
with people like All
in the workplace or something?
373
00:26:12,446 --> 00:26:14,239
No. Of course, I am.
374
00:26:14,323 --> 00:26:16,217
I mean, like, if your son or
whatever came to you and said,
375
00:26:16,241 --> 00:26:19,429
"Hey, Dad, I really want to marry All,"
like, wouldn't you be so stoked for that?
376
00:26:19,453 --> 00:26:21,288
Isn't that, like, exactly what you want?
377
00:26:21,371 --> 00:26:24,958
Imagine All walking in, being like,
"We'll finally be together."
378
00:26:25,042 --> 00:26:27,336
You'd be, like,
hella stoked for that, right?
379
00:26:28,045 --> 00:26:29,213
Yeah.
380
00:26:29,713 --> 00:26:31,548
I'd be, like, totally stoked.
381
00:26:32,591 --> 00:26:34,593
All is done here. Atari.
382
00:26:35,219 --> 00:26:36,512
See you, fools.
383
00:26:36,595 --> 00:26:39,306
Guys, Alexanya Atoz is here!
384
00:26:39,389 --> 00:26:40,849
The show must begin now!
385
00:26:43,060 --> 00:26:45,813
Wow. Alexanya Atoz.
386
00:26:45,896 --> 00:26:48,899
They say she doesn't walk.
She just floats.
387
00:26:52,277 --> 00:26:54,154
She looks even better in person.
388
00:27:03,247 --> 00:27:05,874
I got those juices flowing again.
389
00:27:10,838 --> 00:27:13,841
Just put us out there.
Let us do our thing.
390
00:27:16,927 --> 00:27:18,011
Come on! Come on!
391
00:27:18,554 --> 00:27:21,348
Chop chop! Lay down, lay down!
392
00:27:21,431 --> 00:27:23,767
Get in, get in. Take off your robes.
393
00:27:25,435 --> 00:27:27,104
Go! Go! Go!
394
00:27:28,856 --> 00:27:32,568
Derek! I have a really good feeling
about this.
395
00:27:32,943 --> 00:27:35,279
I know. I feel so alive!
396
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:56,091
"Old"?
397
00:27:58,010 --> 00:27:59,344
"Lamé"?
398
00:28:13,525 --> 00:28:14,651
Quit it, All!
399
00:28:15,819 --> 00:28:18,447
Hot dog! It's definitely a hot dog!
400
00:28:18,906 --> 00:28:19,948
All is done.
401
00:28:28,665 --> 00:28:29,708
"Prunes"?
402
00:28:47,601 --> 00:28:49,436
So let me tell you what I think worked.
403
00:28:49,519 --> 00:28:52,064
I think we got to shake off
some of the rust.
404
00:28:52,147 --> 00:28:53,458
I was trying out a few new looks,
405
00:28:53,482 --> 00:28:54,792
although it might have been hard to see
406
00:28:54,816 --> 00:28:57,361
through all the dates, or,
was it, you know, prunes?
407
00:28:57,444 --> 00:29:00,948
Hansel, are you insane?
We were a joke out there.
408
00:29:01,281 --> 00:29:03,116
A total laughing stick.
409
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:04,928
What do you want me to say?
I mean, I know...
410
00:29:04,952 --> 00:29:07,597
I know we looked like idiots,
but I'm trying to make the best of it!
411
00:29:07,621 --> 00:29:08,705
Knuck, knuck!
412
00:29:08,789 --> 00:29:09,998
Not now! We...
413
00:29:14,378 --> 00:29:15,712
You
414
00:29:16,129 --> 00:29:17,464
two
415
00:29:17,714 --> 00:29:19,508
vere amowzing.
416
00:29:20,801 --> 00:29:21,927
Deeryuck.
417
00:29:22,010 --> 00:29:24,680
Your feces so hundsome.
418
00:29:24,763 --> 00:29:27,182
Und, Hansel, so stemmy.
419
00:29:28,725 --> 00:29:31,853
Ridowkulously stemmy and hyot.
420
00:29:33,063 --> 00:29:35,649
I'm sorry. I can't understand
a word that you're saying.
421
00:29:36,483 --> 00:29:39,278
I want to invite you to be my gyuests
422
00:29:39,361 --> 00:29:43,490
at the most elite fishion event
in housetory.
423
00:29:44,700 --> 00:29:46,326
The IncrediBall.
424
00:29:47,619 --> 00:29:48,954
What!
425
00:29:49,204 --> 00:29:50,539
The IncrediBall?
426
00:29:50,664 --> 00:29:52,040
Is that like the Met Ball?
427
00:29:55,419 --> 00:29:58,088
No, sveet, stupid Deryuck.
428
00:29:58,755 --> 00:30:02,592
For the first time
in the housetory of fishion,
429
00:30:02,676 --> 00:30:06,221
all of the most important
designers will come together
430
00:30:06,305 --> 00:30:08,140
under one rureff.
431
00:30:09,182 --> 00:30:11,852
I trust you will be dere
432
00:30:12,269 --> 00:30:15,939
with your hyot and stemmy feces.
433
00:30:21,403 --> 00:30:23,447
Dudes. Holy Shazbot! What!
434
00:30:24,323 --> 00:30:26,867
You guys are gonna be
the center-pizzle of IncrediBall!
435
00:30:26,950 --> 00:30:28,076
What does that mean?
436
00:30:28,577 --> 00:30:31,288
The center-pizzle of IncrediBall.
437
00:30:33,081 --> 00:30:35,083
That was bananas, Johnny.
438
00:30:39,087 --> 00:30:40,172
I'm done.
439
00:30:40,255 --> 00:30:42,299
What? Derek, what are you
talking about?
440
00:30:42,382 --> 00:30:43,609
Did you not hear what they just said?
441
00:30:43,633 --> 00:30:45,552
We're going to be the center
of the IncrediBall.
442
00:30:45,635 --> 00:30:48,597
I can only pray that nobody from
Child Services attended the show
443
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,599
or I'll never get little Derek back.
444
00:30:51,058 --> 00:30:52,160
What about all the attention?
445
00:30:52,184 --> 00:30:54,102
This is exactly
what we were talking about!
446
00:30:54,644 --> 00:30:57,481
No, Hansel. It's exactly
what you were talking about.
447
00:30:57,856 --> 00:31:02,778
We don't fit in anymore. Don Atari
and All and that creepy little Vip!
448
00:31:02,861 --> 00:31:04,446
- I don't want any part of it!
- Derek.
449
00:31:05,364 --> 00:31:06,531
Derek!
450
00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:09,534
Derek! D-rock!
451
00:31:34,643 --> 00:31:36,311
Derek Zoolander?
452
00:31:36,395 --> 00:31:37,562
Yes.
453
00:31:38,146 --> 00:31:39,898
Valentina Valencia.
454
00:31:39,981 --> 00:31:42,317
Interpol, Global Fashion Division.
455
00:31:42,401 --> 00:31:45,737
Fashion Police? We're clean, lady.
Go harass somebody else.
456
00:31:46,071 --> 00:31:48,323
Besides, I'm out of fashion.
457
00:31:48,865 --> 00:31:50,158
I need to talk to you.
458
00:31:51,159 --> 00:31:53,245
It has to do with
the death of Justin Bieber.
459
00:31:53,328 --> 00:31:55,163
His death is not my problem.
460
00:31:55,247 --> 00:31:59,000
Look, I'm trying to find out
who's killing the pop stars of the world.
461
00:31:59,084 --> 00:32:01,169
And I think you're my only chance.
462
00:32:02,087 --> 00:32:05,257
What part of "not my problem"
did you not understand?
463
00:32:05,340 --> 00:32:06,341
None of it.
464
00:32:08,969 --> 00:32:11,322
So you did understand the part
about it not being my problem,
465
00:32:11,346 --> 00:32:14,599
or you didn't understand any part of it
not being a part of my problem?
466
00:32:15,767 --> 00:32:17,018
No, no, no, Derek.
467
00:32:17,102 --> 00:32:19,705
I think what she's saying is that
she understands what you're saying,
468
00:32:19,729 --> 00:32:20,897
but she doesn't accept it.
469
00:32:20,981 --> 00:32:23,024
Hansel! It's all too confusing.
470
00:32:23,817 --> 00:32:25,735
I thought coming here
would help me find myself,
471
00:32:25,819 --> 00:32:27,612
and possibly my son.
472
00:32:27,696 --> 00:32:29,781
But this is more than I bargained for.
473
00:32:31,032 --> 00:32:34,494
This hermit crab is crawling
back into his planetarium.
474
00:32:36,288 --> 00:32:40,041
I can use the database at Interpol
to help you find your son.
475
00:32:42,711 --> 00:32:44,379
If you help me.
476
00:32:46,548 --> 00:32:48,300
I think we got to play ball with her.
477
00:32:48,383 --> 00:32:52,012
She's got some kind of database
or something that she says
478
00:32:52,095 --> 00:32:53,763
will help us find little Derek.
479
00:32:57,684 --> 00:33:00,061
And she's hot. I trust her.
480
00:33:28,590 --> 00:33:31,676
So, before Bieber died,
he Twitpic'd this look.
481
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:35,055
He posted it to the blogspot
for his summer concert tour.
482
00:33:35,597 --> 00:33:37,599
He was trying to send a message.
483
00:33:40,227 --> 00:33:42,229
It's Blue Steel, right?
484
00:33:43,939 --> 00:33:45,899
What are you, a fucking idiot?
485
00:33:47,984 --> 00:33:49,778
Yeah, that's Blue Steel.
486
00:33:50,737 --> 00:33:53,281
My question is, is Interpol
one of those socialist things
487
00:33:53,365 --> 00:33:55,617
where they hire
mentally-impaired people?
488
00:33:55,700 --> 00:33:57,536
I... I know.
489
00:33:58,286 --> 00:34:01,081
That's right.
I heard your mother worked here.
490
00:34:02,707 --> 00:34:04,042
Snap!
491
00:34:06,503 --> 00:34:08,213
My mother doesn't work here.
492
00:34:09,923 --> 00:34:13,593
No more games, okay?
Is this Blue Steel or not?
493
00:34:13,969 --> 00:34:15,303
Not even close.
494
00:34:15,804 --> 00:34:17,681
I knew what it was the moment I saw it.
495
00:34:18,181 --> 00:34:19,558
It's an old one... From the 90s.
496
00:34:19,641 --> 00:34:21,685
It was for a body lotion campaign I did.
497
00:34:22,102 --> 00:34:23,812
I called it "Aqua Vitae".
498
00:35:05,186 --> 00:35:06,855
Young forever.
499
00:35:07,188 --> 00:35:09,357
Moo!
500
00:35:14,738 --> 00:35:16,364
Still holds up.
501
00:35:17,198 --> 00:35:19,159
Notice the curvature
of my right eyebrow.
502
00:35:19,242 --> 00:35:20,952
It's night and day from Blue Steel.
503
00:35:21,620 --> 00:35:22,662
He's right.
504
00:35:22,746 --> 00:35:26,583
When I overlay them, there are
over 14,000 different facial anomalies.
505
00:35:26,958 --> 00:35:28,043
Wow.
506
00:35:28,126 --> 00:35:31,379
I had no idea there was
so much subtlety involved.
507
00:35:33,214 --> 00:35:35,550
Please accept my apologies, Derek.
508
00:35:35,842 --> 00:35:37,344
None taken.
509
00:35:48,355 --> 00:35:51,232
Filippo, we need to find
everything there is on Aqua Vitae.
510
00:35:54,277 --> 00:35:56,780
Hold on a second, lady. A deal's a deal.
511
00:35:57,989 --> 00:35:59,824
Now, you help me find my son.
512
00:35:59,949 --> 00:36:03,078
Sure. His name is Derek Jr.?
513
00:36:03,328 --> 00:36:04,329
Yes.
514
00:36:04,412 --> 00:36:06,247
Have you ever Facebooked him?
515
00:36:06,706 --> 00:36:09,376
No, thanks. Matilda facebooked
516
00:36:09,876 --> 00:36:11,378
and it killed her.
517
00:36:12,045 --> 00:36:13,046
Found him.
518
00:36:13,129 --> 00:36:15,882
He's at
the Orphanage Del Piccolo Cletusi.
519
00:36:17,384 --> 00:36:19,928
Here. In Rome.
520
00:36:20,595 --> 00:36:21,888
Wait. What?
521
00:36:22,764 --> 00:36:23,890
He's in Rome.
522
00:36:23,973 --> 00:36:27,102
That's convenient. So we can
hit that party at the IncrediBall.
523
00:36:27,769 --> 00:36:29,854
A little too convenient.
524
00:36:30,689 --> 00:36:33,900
Someone wants you here, guys.
But who?
525
00:36:34,943 --> 00:36:35,944
Listen to me.
526
00:36:36,194 --> 00:36:40,323
Be careful at the orphanage.
And trust no one at House of Atoz.
527
00:36:40,740 --> 00:36:42,450
I'll see what I can find.
528
00:37:10,645 --> 00:37:13,732
Thanks for coming with me.
I feel kind of nervous.
529
00:37:13,815 --> 00:37:16,776
Hey. You're showing up. Feel good.
530
00:37:30,331 --> 00:37:32,500
- That must be him.
- Where?
531
00:37:39,257 --> 00:37:41,801
He's even more gorgeous
than I imagined.
532
00:37:43,511 --> 00:37:45,513
You're a lucky man.
533
00:37:46,848 --> 00:37:48,183
You there. Boy.
534
00:37:50,435 --> 00:37:52,437
- What's his name?
- Who?
535
00:37:53,271 --> 00:37:54,314
Him?
536
00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:57,108
That's Fabrizio.
537
00:37:57,567 --> 00:37:58,902
Fabrizio.
538
00:37:59,694 --> 00:38:01,404
What a beautiful name.
539
00:38:02,155 --> 00:38:04,365
He used to be called Derek Jr.
540
00:38:04,783 --> 00:38:07,368
Really? That's strange,
'cause that's my name.
541
00:38:17,420 --> 00:38:18,755
Bye, mister.
542
00:38:19,964 --> 00:38:22,801
- Let's go. Let's go.
- What? Why?
543
00:38:22,884 --> 00:38:25,220
- I can't do this.
- Why not?
544
00:38:25,303 --> 00:38:28,389
He's fat! The fat one is Derek Jr.
545
00:38:28,807 --> 00:38:32,393
No, that chubby kid's name is Fatlander.
I heard them call him that.
546
00:38:32,477 --> 00:38:34,813
Don't you get it? He switched
the "Zoo" part with "Fat".
547
00:38:34,896 --> 00:38:37,899
That's how he came up with "Fatlander".
Fat equals Zoo!
548
00:38:38,233 --> 00:38:41,194
So wait. You're saying that
just because your son is fat
549
00:38:41,277 --> 00:38:43,696
that makes him
some sort of terrible person?
550
00:38:45,073 --> 00:38:46,074
Maybe you're right.
551
00:38:46,157 --> 00:38:47,283
No, I'm asking.
552
00:38:47,367 --> 00:38:50,161
Does being fat make someone
a terrible person?
553
00:38:50,245 --> 00:38:51,287
And I'm agreeing with you.
554
00:38:51,371 --> 00:38:54,707
I seriously think my fat son
might be a terrible person.
555
00:38:58,253 --> 00:39:00,147
And it doesn't make him
a good person, I know that.
556
00:39:00,171 --> 00:39:03,800
But I don't know what to say.
I think you better puddle-talk it out.
557
00:39:16,354 --> 00:39:18,648
So I guess I have a lot to ponder.
558
00:39:19,858 --> 00:39:21,401
You sure do.
559
00:39:21,484 --> 00:39:23,820
Derek.
560
00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:26,197
What? Who's that?
561
00:39:26,281 --> 00:39:27,574
I don't know. It wasn't me.
562
00:39:28,324 --> 00:39:29,826
Derek.
563
00:39:30,159 --> 00:39:31,953
Derek.
564
00:39:32,954 --> 00:39:35,623
Ghost of Matilda? Is that really you?
565
00:39:35,957 --> 00:39:37,333
Yes, Derek.
566
00:39:37,417 --> 00:39:41,838
I'm sorry I haven't been in touch,
but I've just been so dead.
567
00:39:42,338 --> 00:39:43,339
Listen.
568
00:39:43,798 --> 00:39:45,925
You must love our son.
569
00:39:46,217 --> 00:39:47,969
He needs you.
570
00:39:48,386 --> 00:39:51,139
But beware of the Headmaster.
571
00:39:52,056 --> 00:39:53,391
What's happening to you?
572
00:39:53,725 --> 00:39:55,560
Love our son.
573
00:39:56,895 --> 00:39:59,147
And beware the Headmaster.
574
00:40:00,732 --> 00:40:01,900
Hello.
575
00:40:03,234 --> 00:40:04,569
I'm the Headmaster.
576
00:40:05,194 --> 00:40:07,196
Derek Zoolander
577
00:40:07,739 --> 00:40:09,240
I'm assuming.
578
00:40:09,324 --> 00:40:11,993
Because I've never met you ever.
579
00:40:12,744 --> 00:40:16,247
Mr. Hansel informs me
that you'd like to see your son.
580
00:40:16,831 --> 00:40:19,083
Easily arranged. Come.
581
00:40:23,546 --> 00:40:27,216
I should tell you,
your son is incredibly gifted.
582
00:40:28,343 --> 00:40:29,427
Hello.
583
00:40:29,510 --> 00:40:32,347
If you want to find
the Spirits in the Material World,
584
00:40:32,430 --> 00:40:35,558
you need to talk
to the Ghost in the Machine.
585
00:40:35,642 --> 00:40:37,143
What? Who is this?
586
00:40:37,226 --> 00:40:39,354
I have a Message in a Bottle for you,
587
00:40:39,437 --> 00:40:42,231
so don't go to The Police.
588
00:40:42,857 --> 00:40:46,861
Okay, don't go to the police
'cause there's a message in a bottle.
589
00:40:46,945 --> 00:40:48,947
Okay, I got it.
590
00:40:49,405 --> 00:40:51,908
Now go prank call someone else, idiot.
591
00:40:52,367 --> 00:40:53,868
Here they are now.
592
00:41:00,083 --> 00:41:02,085
Hey, there, sport.
593
00:41:03,336 --> 00:41:05,630
I hear someone's
a fat little smartypants.
594
00:41:09,425 --> 00:41:11,010
I'll leave you to it, then.
595
00:41:11,886 --> 00:41:13,137
I'm gonna let you two catch up
596
00:41:13,221 --> 00:41:15,098
and maybe hit the spa back at the Caca.
597
00:41:17,976 --> 00:41:20,979
Look, I know you have
a lot of unresolved feelings,
598
00:41:21,062 --> 00:41:22,438
but I'm still your father.
599
00:41:22,897 --> 00:41:25,650
You're not my father. You weren't there.
600
00:41:25,733 --> 00:41:29,195
That wasn't my choice.
I was there when you were little.
601
00:41:29,278 --> 00:41:31,781
Most kids play catch with their father.
602
00:41:32,240 --> 00:41:34,784
They don't go with them
to a thong shoot.
603
00:41:35,368 --> 00:41:37,128
There are lots of
starving children in Africa
604
00:41:37,203 --> 00:41:39,372
who would die to go to a thong shoot.
605
00:41:39,747 --> 00:41:40,748
What?
606
00:41:41,499 --> 00:41:44,961
Look, let me make it up to you.
Let's go play ball-catching now.
607
00:41:45,294 --> 00:41:46,504
Ball-catching?
608
00:41:46,587 --> 00:41:48,881
So how's the family reunion going?
609
00:41:49,549 --> 00:41:53,177
Great. I'd like to check him out
for a few hours, if that's okay.
610
00:41:53,261 --> 00:41:56,431
Sure. As long as he's back by sundown.
611
00:41:57,765 --> 00:41:59,434
He seems like a nice guy.
612
00:41:59,809 --> 00:42:01,477
You seem like an idiot.
613
00:42:02,562 --> 00:42:04,981
Okay, I think I know
what would help right now.
614
00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:06,441
What?
615
00:42:07,483 --> 00:42:09,819
Frozen chocolata gelato!
616
00:42:22,123 --> 00:42:23,207
Ciao!
617
00:42:38,014 --> 00:42:39,891
Oh, my God!
618
00:42:50,651 --> 00:42:52,487
Hashtag, oops.
619
00:42:55,156 --> 00:42:58,951
You know, sometimes it takes
an extremely traumatic experience
620
00:42:59,035 --> 00:43:01,287
to make you appreciate
a good makeover.
621
00:43:01,370 --> 00:43:02,747
Am I right?
622
00:43:04,457 --> 00:43:05,625
Derek?
623
00:43:08,086 --> 00:43:09,629
Derek Jr.!
624
00:43:16,010 --> 00:43:18,387
{\an8}- Are you mentally insane?
- What?
625
00:43:18,471 --> 00:43:21,641
What are you reading? I Am Malalalala?
626
00:43:21,974 --> 00:43:24,060
No books! Think of your mother.
627
00:43:25,478 --> 00:43:28,022
What's the big deal?
Mom read tons of books.
628
00:43:28,356 --> 00:43:30,733
And a one-ton book killed her.
629
00:43:31,692 --> 00:43:34,112
The book didn't kill Mom. You did.
630
00:43:34,403 --> 00:43:36,364
And you nearly killed me, too.
631
00:43:37,198 --> 00:43:40,535
Come on. Look at us.
We look ridiculous.
632
00:43:40,952 --> 00:43:43,162
What, okay, maybe your pants
are a little loose.
633
00:43:43,246 --> 00:43:45,081
- Are you serious right now?
- What?
634
00:43:45,414 --> 00:43:48,167
I don't want to be anything like you!
635
00:43:48,251 --> 00:43:49,377
You're a has-been!
636
00:43:50,002 --> 00:43:55,466
And you are the most narcissistic,
self-involved person I've ever met!
637
00:43:56,467 --> 00:43:58,469
But that's not how I think of me.
638
00:43:59,303 --> 00:44:00,638
I'm going back to school.
639
00:44:01,848 --> 00:44:03,975
Little Derek, come back here!
640
00:44:04,058 --> 00:44:06,394
I thought we were gonna
give each other facials!
641
00:44:12,775 --> 00:44:13,776
Wait.
642
00:44:15,069 --> 00:44:16,737
How did you learn to speak Italian?
643
00:44:16,821 --> 00:44:18,072
Because I'm smart!
644
00:44:19,407 --> 00:44:21,200
Mom was smart, too.
645
00:44:21,284 --> 00:44:25,079
The only stupid thing she ever did
was fall in love with you.
646
00:44:26,581 --> 00:44:30,042
I don't even have the words to express
what a burn that is.
647
00:44:32,003 --> 00:44:33,671
I don't know what to say.
648
00:44:34,422 --> 00:44:37,466
No, I mean I literally
don't have the vocabulary to respond.
649
00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:40,136
You're like a walking Tyrannosaurus.
650
00:44:40,887 --> 00:44:43,222
You mean "walking thesaurus".
651
00:44:44,390 --> 00:44:45,808
I don't know.
652
00:44:46,851 --> 00:44:50,104
I guess it's nice that
you want to reconnect or whatever.
653
00:44:50,188 --> 00:44:53,191
But we're too different. And it's too late.
654
00:44:54,942 --> 00:44:56,569
Thanks for the gelato.
655
00:45:15,004 --> 00:45:16,339
Orgy.
656
00:45:19,133 --> 00:45:21,260
{\an8}Hi, there, Hansel.
657
00:45:28,351 --> 00:45:30,853
I heard you
658
00:45:31,437 --> 00:45:32,855
are on the rebound.
659
00:45:32,939 --> 00:45:35,608
No, no. I'm still... Still committed.
660
00:45:35,691 --> 00:45:38,194
We're just taking a little time
to kind of...
661
00:45:38,736 --> 00:45:41,739
Doesn't mean we can't enjoy
each other's bodies.
662
00:45:42,949 --> 00:45:44,242
Damn it.
663
00:45:44,992 --> 00:45:46,327
Hansel.
664
00:45:47,161 --> 00:45:50,831
Meaningless sex always makes me feel
better about myself.
665
00:45:54,210 --> 00:45:55,878
Come on.
666
00:46:19,235 --> 00:46:20,403
Hansel!
667
00:46:21,821 --> 00:46:22,989
We know you're in there!
668
00:46:23,072 --> 00:46:24,156
Stay here. Stay here.
669
00:46:25,324 --> 00:46:27,868
Hansel, let us in! We want to apologize!
670
00:46:28,953 --> 00:46:31,247
Come back to the pigpile, Hansel.
671
00:46:31,330 --> 00:46:34,792
Touch-a, touch-a, touch me.
I want to be dirty.
672
00:46:34,875 --> 00:46:36,961
That's it. I've had enough.
Everybody, back up.
673
00:46:37,044 --> 00:46:39,046
Back! Back!
674
00:46:43,217 --> 00:46:44,719
Hello! Hello!
675
00:46:46,053 --> 00:46:47,263
My gosh.
676
00:46:47,346 --> 00:46:48,389
God...
677
00:47:01,527 --> 00:47:02,695
Hansel.
678
00:47:02,778 --> 00:47:05,156
Okay. You guys have a talk.
I'm going to a bar.
679
00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:07,116
That's a good idea. Yeah, go.
680
00:47:07,199 --> 00:47:08,200
Hey...
681
00:47:08,617 --> 00:47:10,494
You are a basic bitch.
682
00:47:11,412 --> 00:47:14,415
Come on, let's go. Come on. Out.
683
00:47:14,790 --> 00:47:16,167
I can kill you.
684
00:47:18,627 --> 00:47:20,755
Please. Let me just explain.
685
00:47:20,838 --> 00:47:23,758
Guys, you didn't even give me
a chance to explain!
686
00:47:24,133 --> 00:47:26,844
Hansel, how can you expect
to love 11 people
687
00:47:27,428 --> 00:47:29,555
when you don't even love yourself?
688
00:47:33,351 --> 00:47:35,353
I hope they were worth it.
689
00:47:36,437 --> 00:47:37,813
That's not fair.
690
00:47:38,064 --> 00:47:39,273
Kiefer!
691
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:40,775
Kiefer!
692
00:47:44,737 --> 00:47:48,115
Hey, where'd everybody go?
I wasn't done with that hippo.
693
00:47:53,621 --> 00:47:55,956
Who am I?
694
00:47:59,043 --> 00:48:00,252
Who am I?
695
00:48:03,255 --> 00:48:05,216
- Derek?
- Hey, Hansel.
696
00:48:05,299 --> 00:48:07,468
Are you trying to figure out
who you are, also?
697
00:48:07,802 --> 00:48:08,844
Yep.
698
00:48:09,470 --> 00:48:12,473
Who am I?
699
00:48:14,433 --> 00:48:15,768
Hey, Katy!
700
00:48:16,143 --> 00:48:19,730
Yeah, it's like, when will we
find out who we really are?
701
00:48:20,064 --> 00:48:21,148
I know, right?
702
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:22,775
Who am I?
703
00:48:23,401 --> 00:48:25,444
Neil deGrasse Tyson.
704
00:48:25,611 --> 00:48:27,071
Even you don't know who you are?
705
00:48:27,655 --> 00:48:29,740
In an ever-expanding universe,
706
00:48:29,824 --> 00:48:32,827
slowly pulling itself apart
into nothingness,
707
00:48:33,536 --> 00:48:38,040
what use does the question
"Who am I?" even have?
708
00:48:39,250 --> 00:48:43,170
Neil, I got to say,
you're totally blowing my mind right now.
709
00:48:43,712 --> 00:48:45,256
That's what I do.
710
00:48:45,339 --> 00:48:48,134
I'm Neil deGrasse Tyson, bitch.
711
00:48:49,844 --> 00:48:53,055
Hansel! Derek!
You have to come to Interpol!
712
00:48:53,180 --> 00:48:54,807
I have incredible news!
713
00:48:55,391 --> 00:48:58,269
We did a full diagnostic
on your Aqua Vitae look,
714
00:48:58,352 --> 00:49:00,688
and a linguistics analysis
on its etymology.
715
00:49:01,188 --> 00:49:03,607
The direct translation is "Water of Life."
716
00:49:03,691 --> 00:49:05,860
But many have
interpreted it another way.
717
00:49:08,028 --> 00:49:09,572
"The Fountain of Youth."
718
00:49:10,948 --> 00:49:13,033
Okay, look, I only
worked there for a summer.
719
00:49:13,117 --> 00:49:15,202
And, no, they don't give happy endings.
720
00:49:16,036 --> 00:49:18,873
No, Derek.
The actual Fountain of Youth.
721
00:49:20,583 --> 00:49:25,379
Can you imagine if the Fountain
of Youth indeed does exist...
722
00:49:26,088 --> 00:49:29,758
And if Alexanya Atoz
could market such a liquid...
723
00:49:30,593 --> 00:49:32,428
Do you ever get that feeling
724
00:49:32,511 --> 00:49:36,307
when you see beautiful
teenager girl with perfect skin
725
00:49:36,390 --> 00:49:39,685
and you want to kill her
and take her skin
726
00:49:39,768 --> 00:49:41,645
and put it on your skin?
727
00:49:41,729 --> 00:49:43,522
We bottled that feeling.
728
00:49:43,731 --> 00:49:46,233
House of Atoz Yowth Milk.
729
00:49:47,318 --> 00:49:48,736
...she would make billions.
730
00:49:50,988 --> 00:49:52,072
Excuse me.
731
00:49:54,575 --> 00:49:56,911
- Orgy?
- You are in serious danger.
732
00:49:57,995 --> 00:50:00,122
Don't Stand So Close To Me.
733
00:50:00,206 --> 00:50:02,333
Come on. It's this prank caller again.
734
00:50:02,541 --> 00:50:03,901
- Put it on speaker.
- What... Why?
735
00:50:03,959 --> 00:50:05,085
Just put it on speaker!
736
00:50:06,212 --> 00:50:07,296
Who is this?
737
00:50:07,588 --> 00:50:09,924
I am your King of Pain.
738
00:50:10,007 --> 00:50:13,511
Every breath this guy takes, I'm like,
"What are you talking about?"
739
00:50:14,094 --> 00:50:15,095
Jesus.
740
00:50:15,179 --> 00:50:17,806
Just meet me
at Saint Peter's Basilica at midnight.
741
00:50:20,100 --> 00:50:21,936
Sounds like this guy's really into Sting.
742
00:50:23,187 --> 00:50:24,939
I model my life after Sting.
743
00:50:25,481 --> 00:50:28,067
And Bieber was killed
in front of Sting's villa.
744
00:50:29,235 --> 00:50:30,277
What?
745
00:51:15,531 --> 00:51:16,699
Forgive me, Father.
746
00:51:16,782 --> 00:51:18,826
I have many sins
that I would like to confess.
747
00:51:19,994 --> 00:51:23,038
One of my sins has to do with
the death of Justin Bieber.
748
00:51:32,172 --> 00:51:33,507
No way.
749
00:51:34,717 --> 00:51:35,884
Hey, Derek.
750
00:51:36,343 --> 00:51:37,511
Hey, Sting.
751
00:51:38,262 --> 00:51:40,222
And hello, sweet Hansel.
752
00:51:41,015 --> 00:51:42,141
Hi.
753
00:51:42,891 --> 00:51:44,351
You two know each other?
754
00:51:45,019 --> 00:51:46,645
Sadly, we've never met.
755
00:51:46,854 --> 00:51:48,606
And yet I feel like I've known you
756
00:51:49,481 --> 00:51:51,150
- my entire life.
- My entire life.
757
00:51:53,861 --> 00:51:54,903
Tell me.
758
00:51:55,904 --> 00:51:57,698
Have you heard of
the Fountain of Youth?
759
00:51:58,365 --> 00:52:01,452
Yes. Why does everybody
keep asking me that?
760
00:52:02,119 --> 00:52:04,913
No, Derek, not the hand job joint
you worked at in SoHo.
761
00:52:05,039 --> 00:52:06,415
The real Fountain of Youth.
762
00:52:07,333 --> 00:52:09,585
It dates back some 6,000 years.
763
00:52:10,753 --> 00:52:15,049
Its original location is thought
to have been the Garden of Eden.
764
00:52:16,175 --> 00:52:19,887
You mean the Turkish bathhouse
I used to work at in Tribeca?
765
00:52:22,056 --> 00:52:24,892
No, Derek. The Garden of Eden.
766
00:52:26,977 --> 00:52:29,480
The birthplace of Adam and Eve
767
00:52:30,564 --> 00:52:32,232
and Steve.
768
00:52:35,152 --> 00:52:37,071
Steve? Who's Steve?
769
00:52:38,322 --> 00:52:42,409
Steve is the original supermodel.
The first of the purebloods.
770
00:52:42,660 --> 00:52:46,121
He was said to be so beautiful,
with a look so powerful
771
00:52:46,246 --> 00:52:48,499
that even the pools of water
he gazed upon
772
00:52:48,749 --> 00:52:50,417
could not reflect his beauty back to him.
773
00:52:52,252 --> 00:52:53,253
That look...
774
00:52:54,046 --> 00:52:57,007
That look was called "El Niño".
775
00:52:58,717 --> 00:53:02,096
But, honestly, I've never heard of Steve.
776
00:53:02,930 --> 00:53:06,308
Countless lives throughout history
have been lost to make sure of that.
777
00:53:06,975 --> 00:53:10,437
Evil forces have hunted
his offspring for centuries.
778
00:53:12,481 --> 00:53:14,316
For the legend states
779
00:53:14,483 --> 00:53:17,069
that if you wrench the still-beating heart
780
00:53:17,152 --> 00:53:20,364
from the gorgeous body
of a true descendent of Steve
781
00:53:20,447 --> 00:53:22,324
and drink its blood,
782
00:53:22,408 --> 00:53:25,327
you will obtain eternal beauty.
783
00:53:27,287 --> 00:53:29,957
So the Fountain of Youth
is not a fountain at all.
784
00:53:30,666 --> 00:53:32,209
The Fountain of Youth is...
785
00:53:32,292 --> 00:53:34,712
A person. And not just anyone.
786
00:53:35,295 --> 00:53:38,841
A direct descendent of Steve.
The Chosen One.
787
00:53:39,633 --> 00:53:41,051
How do you know all this?
788
00:53:41,301 --> 00:53:45,389
Because I, and many rock stars like me,
are his protectors.
789
00:53:46,557 --> 00:53:48,267
You see, there are only a few genes
790
00:53:48,350 --> 00:53:52,646
that separate the greatest rock stars
in history from male models.
791
00:53:52,896 --> 00:53:54,356
Which genes are those?
792
00:53:54,982 --> 00:53:57,151
The ones for talent and intelligence.
793
00:53:57,735 --> 00:53:58,986
Of course.
794
00:53:59,278 --> 00:54:02,197
We were entrusted
to protect the Chosen Ones.
795
00:54:02,781 --> 00:54:04,283
But who is the Chosen One?
796
00:54:04,575 --> 00:54:07,286
We believe it is your son.
797
00:54:08,454 --> 00:54:10,414
And that he is in grave danger.
798
00:54:11,540 --> 00:54:12,642
But he's back at the school!
799
00:54:12,666 --> 00:54:15,061
We have to get to him before
something terrible happens to him!
800
00:54:15,085 --> 00:54:18,255
No. Wait. Hansel. Look into my eyes.
801
00:54:19,673 --> 00:54:21,550
Is there anything you want to ask me?
802
00:54:21,675 --> 00:54:23,177
Anything at all?
803
00:54:25,804 --> 00:54:28,474
Do you really have sex for ten hours?
804
00:54:30,976 --> 00:54:32,060
No comment.
805
00:54:32,686 --> 00:54:33,812
Fifteen.
806
00:54:36,565 --> 00:54:39,610
Farewell, my handsome boy. Farewell.
807
00:54:39,693 --> 00:54:40,819
Good-bye, Sting.
808
00:54:55,125 --> 00:54:56,251
Bolt cutters!
809
00:55:07,054 --> 00:55:08,222
He's gone!
810
00:55:10,766 --> 00:55:13,101
It's like no one was ever here.
811
00:55:15,479 --> 00:55:17,689
- It was a wig.
- What?
812
00:55:17,773 --> 00:55:19,691
It was a wig the whole time.
813
00:55:19,775 --> 00:55:21,068
That was a wig?
814
00:55:21,235 --> 00:55:24,154
That Headmaster
wasn't a good guy at all!
815
00:55:24,238 --> 00:55:25,239
No!
816
00:55:25,739 --> 00:55:28,784
No! No! No!
817
00:55:28,909 --> 00:55:31,578
Derek! Derek, relax!
818
00:55:37,918 --> 00:55:39,127
Don't do it.
819
00:55:40,170 --> 00:55:41,588
When you want to go to it.
820
00:55:48,929 --> 00:55:50,097
- Filippo.
- Si.
821
00:55:50,222 --> 00:55:51,932
I need you to pull up everything you have
822
00:55:52,015 --> 00:55:54,184
on the man who was arrested
back in 2001
823
00:55:54,268 --> 00:55:55,686
for brainwashing Zoolander.
824
00:55:55,811 --> 00:55:57,521
Facial scans to be cross-referenced
825
00:55:57,604 --> 00:56:00,274
with security footage of
the headmaster of the orphanage.
826
00:56:03,610 --> 00:56:05,445
It's a positive I.D.
827
00:56:06,655 --> 00:56:09,324
{\an8}The Headmaster
didn't even have a name or papers.
828
00:56:09,575 --> 00:56:12,411
{\an8}Oh, my God.
It's the evil breakdancing DJ.
829
00:56:12,786 --> 00:56:16,456
{\an8}He was arrested with Mugatu
and his accomplice back in 2001.
830
00:56:17,291 --> 00:56:19,960
It's Katinka Ingaborgovinananananana.
831
00:56:20,252 --> 00:56:21,378
Where are they now?
832
00:56:21,461 --> 00:56:24,089
Ingaborgovinananananana
disappeared off the grid.
833
00:56:24,423 --> 00:56:26,884
It looks like the Evil DJ came
through the Swiss border
834
00:56:26,967 --> 00:56:29,219
with forged papers
about three weeks ago.
835
00:56:30,429 --> 00:56:32,264
I suppose they could have...
836
00:56:32,639 --> 00:56:35,183
Driven to Rome
and kidnapped Derek's son.
837
00:56:35,726 --> 00:56:36,768
Exactly!
838
00:56:36,894 --> 00:56:39,563
Which means the person
behind all of this is...
839
00:56:49,156 --> 00:56:50,240
Who?
840
00:56:52,868 --> 00:56:53,994
Who?
841
00:56:54,745 --> 00:56:56,079
Who are we talking about?
842
00:57:09,051 --> 00:57:10,469
{\an8}Mugatu's in there.
843
00:57:11,637 --> 00:57:13,430
For ten years,
there has only been one name
844
00:57:13,513 --> 00:57:15,682
on the list of visitors that he will allow.
845
00:57:18,894 --> 00:57:20,228
Thank you.
846
00:57:21,730 --> 00:57:22,814
For what?
847
00:57:23,190 --> 00:57:24,399
For helping us.
848
00:57:28,362 --> 00:57:31,823
When I was a little girl
growing up in Albacete,
849
00:57:31,907 --> 00:57:35,535
my room was covered
in pictures of Derek Zoolander.
850
00:57:38,622 --> 00:57:41,375
The most amazing model alive.
851
00:57:45,337 --> 00:57:47,506
Except I'm not one anymore.
852
00:57:48,173 --> 00:57:49,800
My son called me a has-been.
853
00:57:52,552 --> 00:57:54,054
I'm a has-been.
854
00:57:55,472 --> 00:57:57,140
What kind of has-been were you?
855
00:58:01,937 --> 00:58:03,897
I was a swimsuit model.
856
00:58:04,314 --> 00:58:05,994
- I'm so sorry.
- My heart goes out to you.
857
00:58:07,526 --> 00:58:11,321
I was never able to
transition to print or runway.
858
00:58:12,614 --> 00:58:14,616
To your world of high fashion.
859
00:58:15,951 --> 00:58:17,411
Because of these.
860
00:58:18,537 --> 00:58:22,207
These intrusive, oversized naturals.
861
00:58:25,252 --> 00:58:28,171
These things could never fit
into a sample size.
862
00:58:29,798 --> 00:58:31,133
Gross.
863
00:58:36,388 --> 00:58:38,348
You need to go for this now.
864
00:58:38,432 --> 00:58:40,142
Not later. Now.
865
00:58:40,600 --> 00:58:42,227
- Hansel, are you serious?
- Yes.
866
00:58:42,310 --> 00:58:44,271
While Matilda lies warm in her grave?
867
00:58:44,438 --> 00:58:47,399
Matilda's been dead for years.
You need to move on.
868
00:58:47,482 --> 00:58:50,193
Honestly, by now
she's just a couple of teeth.
869
00:58:50,277 --> 00:58:51,528
A piece of spine.
870
00:58:51,611 --> 00:58:55,323
Maybe a little skull fragment,
like that guy from Tales from the Crypt.
871
00:58:55,407 --> 00:58:56,616
The Crypt Keeper.
872
00:58:57,242 --> 00:58:59,703
Hansel, stop it! I'm not ready.
873
00:59:17,179 --> 00:59:21,099
The world's most notorious
fashion criminals are in there.
874
00:59:22,142 --> 00:59:25,729
Be careful, Derek.
He'll try to get inside your head.
875
00:59:26,146 --> 00:59:29,191
Don't worry. It's closed for business.
876
00:59:37,532 --> 00:59:39,326
Give 'em hell, Derek.
877
00:59:55,592 --> 00:59:58,512
You're goin' down, Zoolander!
You're goin' down, listen to me!
878
00:59:58,678 --> 01:00:01,890
You better listen to the Hammer!
Can't touch this!
879
01:00:01,973 --> 01:00:06,144
No! No! Zoolander
can't touch Mugatu! No!
880
01:00:07,020 --> 01:00:08,313
Shut up, Hammer!
881
01:00:09,189 --> 01:00:12,109
Members Only. Members Only.
882
01:00:13,443 --> 01:00:15,904
Epaulettes are not a crime.
883
01:00:16,238 --> 01:00:19,449
Smart casual. Smart casual.
884
01:00:19,658 --> 01:00:21,451
Listen to me.
You can't touch him!
885
01:00:21,701 --> 01:00:24,371
Mr. Hammer is wrong!
886
01:00:49,271 --> 01:00:52,232
Derek Zoolander.
887
01:00:54,901 --> 01:00:56,403
I've been expecting you.
888
01:01:03,451 --> 01:01:05,203
What have you done with my son?
889
01:01:06,580 --> 01:01:11,042
Hands. Our most overrated appendage.
890
01:01:12,210 --> 01:01:14,504
When not allowed the use of them,
891
01:01:14,588 --> 01:01:15,922
you'd be surprised how quickly
892
01:01:16,089 --> 01:01:18,633
feet can be trained to do
the exact same thing.
893
01:01:28,268 --> 01:01:30,604
Your son is doing wonderfully.
894
01:01:32,105 --> 01:01:35,609
From what the school tells
my offshore accountant...
895
01:01:35,775 --> 01:01:37,611
He's incredibly smart.
896
01:01:37,986 --> 01:01:39,237
Your accountant?
897
01:01:39,988 --> 01:01:42,741
Who do you think paid
for that fancy orphanage?
898
01:01:42,824 --> 01:01:44,093
When he was taken away from you,
899
01:01:44,117 --> 01:01:46,912
someone had to make sure
he got his eight square meals a day.
900
01:01:47,495 --> 01:01:49,831
Eight? You bastard!
901
01:01:54,961 --> 01:01:57,339
I'm sorry. I'd love to keep
talking about this, but
902
01:01:58,089 --> 01:02:00,592
I seem to have developed a nasty itch.
903
01:02:03,136 --> 01:02:04,596
I'd ask you to scratch it for me,
904
01:02:04,679 --> 01:02:07,849
but no doubt you'd think
I was just trying to trick you.
905
01:02:12,479 --> 01:02:16,149
Or you're trying to make me
think I shouldn't help you.
906
01:02:16,483 --> 01:02:21,488
In which case, I should do
the opposite of that and help you.
907
01:02:22,906 --> 01:02:24,324
Or don't help me.
908
01:02:24,950 --> 01:02:26,618
I think that's even a better option.
909
01:02:29,871 --> 01:02:33,250
You're trying to switch it around on me,
but I won't take the bait.
910
01:02:33,959 --> 01:02:35,418
Sorry, Mugatu.
911
01:02:35,502 --> 01:02:38,296
I'm going with my first instinct.
And helping you.
912
01:02:42,509 --> 01:02:44,177
I really wish you wouldn't.
913
01:02:44,261 --> 01:02:47,055
Too late. The die is cast.
914
01:02:47,180 --> 01:02:48,556
I'd prefer that you didn't.
915
01:02:48,640 --> 01:02:51,476
- I'm going to do it.
- Please don't.
916
01:02:59,776 --> 01:03:01,278
Let me go!
917
01:03:01,569 --> 01:03:05,532
Not until you untie my straitjacket
and put it on, okay?
918
01:03:06,700 --> 01:03:08,868
If I do, will you let me go?
919
01:03:09,661 --> 01:03:10,704
No!
920
01:03:12,080 --> 01:03:13,999
Which means you will let me go.
921
01:03:14,291 --> 01:03:15,750
So I'll do it.
922
01:03:16,209 --> 01:03:17,585
Oh, my gosh.
923
01:03:17,711 --> 01:03:18,878
Okay!
924
01:03:20,547 --> 01:03:23,550
Check and mate, Mugatu.
925
01:03:24,467 --> 01:03:25,760
Your move.
926
01:03:28,138 --> 01:03:29,806
You really are an idiot, aren't you?
927
01:03:30,849 --> 01:03:35,687
Like, super, super white hot,
blazingly stupid.
928
01:03:38,356 --> 01:03:41,151
For ten long years...
929
01:03:41,401 --> 01:03:45,405
I've been plotting my escape
from this dreadful place.
930
01:03:45,655 --> 01:03:48,825
For ten long years. For ten long years.
931
01:03:48,908 --> 01:03:53,705
Ten years spent creating some of
the most realistic and lifelike masks
932
01:03:54,205 --> 01:03:55,790
ever made.
933
01:03:57,584 --> 01:03:58,710
One for you.
934
01:04:01,838 --> 01:04:03,298
And one for me.
935
01:04:06,760 --> 01:04:07,844
All so that today
936
01:04:08,845 --> 01:04:11,097
you can become me!
937
01:04:13,767 --> 01:04:15,602
And I can become...
938
01:04:17,062 --> 01:04:18,229
...you!
939
01:04:24,361 --> 01:04:25,528
That's it?
940
01:04:25,987 --> 01:04:27,530
You'll never get away with this.
941
01:04:29,532 --> 01:04:32,327
All of the guards here
are former male models.
942
01:04:32,410 --> 01:04:34,954
Somehow I don't think
it's gonna be a problem.
943
01:04:35,288 --> 01:04:37,540
Guard! Guard!
944
01:04:38,124 --> 01:04:39,834
Will that be all, Mr. Zoolander?
945
01:04:40,001 --> 01:04:41,378
That will be all.
946
01:04:42,670 --> 01:04:43,838
No!
947
01:04:44,297 --> 01:04:45,298
No!
948
01:04:46,383 --> 01:04:48,426
Come back here, Mugatu!
949
01:04:48,593 --> 01:04:49,886
Mugatu!
950
01:05:30,927 --> 01:05:33,012
- Go get Derek!
- What?
951
01:05:33,096 --> 01:05:34,431
Go get Derek!
952
01:05:34,514 --> 01:05:36,182
And tell my orgy I love them!
953
01:05:42,564 --> 01:05:43,606
Todd!
954
01:05:45,817 --> 01:05:48,445
Where's my goddamn latte?
955
01:06:14,304 --> 01:06:16,473
And here.
956
01:06:22,228 --> 01:06:23,228
What's that?
957
01:06:23,271 --> 01:06:25,732
I missed you, too. I know.
958
01:07:07,524 --> 01:07:09,192
Alexanya!
959
01:07:11,319 --> 01:07:12,403
Moo-Moo!
960
01:07:38,388 --> 01:07:39,556
Alexanya!
961
01:07:39,931 --> 01:07:41,641
No. Hey, sorry to interrupt.
962
01:07:41,724 --> 01:07:42,809
What?
963
01:07:44,060 --> 01:07:47,188
Don Atari, what are you doing here?
Don't you knuck?
964
01:07:47,981 --> 01:07:51,067
Mugatu? What? No way, dude.
965
01:07:51,442 --> 01:07:53,570
I thought you were
supposed to be in jail, dude.
966
01:07:53,987 --> 01:07:55,907
You're like some dangerous criminal
that tried to
967
01:07:55,989 --> 01:07:57,574
assassinate a world leader, dude.
968
01:07:57,657 --> 01:08:00,577
That was some crazy retro-Bond shit.
969
01:08:00,660 --> 01:08:02,870
So corny. I loved it.
970
01:08:04,038 --> 01:08:05,164
Who are you?
971
01:08:06,332 --> 01:08:09,168
Hello! I know you been
all Shawshanked out, but,
972
01:08:09,502 --> 01:08:12,422
like, seriously, I'm the new
stupid king of fashion, whatever.
973
01:08:12,505 --> 01:08:13,881
Don Atari, baby.
974
01:08:14,549 --> 01:08:15,550
What!
975
01:08:16,217 --> 01:08:18,011
So you know who I am, right?
976
01:08:19,721 --> 01:08:21,097
Derelicte was the dumbest, dude.
977
01:08:21,180 --> 01:08:24,350
You and SpongeBob are, honestly,
like, my biggest influences ever, dude.
978
01:08:25,351 --> 01:08:28,521
And did you just escape from prison
in the most ingenious way possible?
979
01:08:30,732 --> 01:08:31,774
What?
980
01:08:32,150 --> 01:08:35,653
And did you engineer the abduction
and fattening of the son of Zoolander,
981
01:08:35,737 --> 01:08:38,406
and the delivery of the Chosen One
for ritual sacrifice
982
01:08:39,282 --> 01:08:40,867
as the key to the Fountain of Youth?
983
01:08:41,743 --> 01:08:42,869
Did you?
984
01:08:43,953 --> 01:08:45,371
Did you? Did you do that?
985
01:08:45,747 --> 01:08:46,998
- Naw.
- Naw?
986
01:08:47,540 --> 01:08:48,666
Naw.
987
01:08:48,875 --> 01:08:50,209
- Naw?
- Naw.
988
01:08:50,376 --> 01:08:51,628
Did you say "naw"?
989
01:08:52,378 --> 01:08:54,547
I said "naw".
990
01:08:55,173 --> 01:08:58,343
So, I just want to ask you again.
991
01:08:59,052 --> 01:09:02,889
Do you know
992
01:09:03,556 --> 01:09:07,143
who I am?
993
01:09:08,811 --> 01:09:10,146
Whatever, you're...
994
01:09:12,398 --> 01:09:14,108
I'm Jaca-boo-who?
995
01:09:14,567 --> 01:09:15,777
Jacobim Mugatu.
996
01:09:15,902 --> 01:09:18,821
That's right! I'm Jacobim Mugatu!
997
01:09:18,905 --> 01:09:21,824
Fashion genius. And you...
998
01:09:22,617 --> 01:09:24,285
You are no one!
999
01:09:24,577 --> 01:09:26,079
Do you understand me?
1000
01:09:26,871 --> 01:09:28,206
No one!
1001
01:09:28,623 --> 01:09:30,208
I'm the Mamba Bajamba!
1002
01:09:31,542 --> 01:09:33,503
I'm the Mamba Bajamba!
1003
01:09:34,671 --> 01:09:35,838
Todd!
1004
01:09:40,218 --> 01:09:42,970
You'll take my name into death!
1005
01:09:43,054 --> 01:09:46,094
You should know, I actually care about
everybody and everything very truly...
1006
01:09:47,558 --> 01:09:50,603
That's right!
I just killed a little hipster!
1007
01:09:50,937 --> 01:09:51,979
Yeah!
1008
01:09:52,188 --> 01:09:54,190
Prison changed me deeply!
1009
01:09:54,732 --> 01:09:57,819
It affected me psychologically.
I'm a psycho!
1010
01:09:59,362 --> 01:10:02,281
This is just the beginning. Watch out!
1011
01:10:02,615 --> 01:10:04,158
Buyer beware!
1012
01:10:05,034 --> 01:10:07,495
Now where is that
chubby little blood fountain?
1013
01:10:10,623 --> 01:10:11,624
Hansel!
1014
01:10:11,874 --> 01:10:13,835
Guys, Mugatz just killed Atari.
1015
01:10:14,127 --> 01:10:15,461
For serious?
1016
01:10:15,545 --> 01:10:17,380
Also, they're going to
kill your son tonight.
1017
01:10:18,297 --> 01:10:19,424
What?
1018
01:10:19,507 --> 01:10:22,135
Hang on. I'm gonna try
to get more intel.
1019
01:10:31,602 --> 01:10:33,980
What's going on?
Why did you kidnap me?
1020
01:10:34,147 --> 01:10:37,066
I didn't kidnap you.
Don't be a silly-billy.
1021
01:10:37,400 --> 01:10:41,529
I'm just a fun, non-threatening clown,
that's what I am.
1022
01:10:42,655 --> 01:10:45,616
Who wants to massively
increase your caloric intake.
1023
01:10:45,783 --> 01:10:46,784
Look.
1024
01:10:47,326 --> 01:10:48,494
Come here.
1025
01:10:48,578 --> 01:10:50,830
There's an all-you-can-eat pasta bar.
1026
01:10:53,958 --> 01:10:55,585
Abbondanza!
1027
01:10:55,710 --> 01:10:59,005
Spicy hot pasta puttanesca
1028
01:10:59,505 --> 01:11:01,215
which means "whore's pasta"!
1029
01:11:01,549 --> 01:11:04,635
As in a whore, who made this pasta.
1030
01:11:06,721 --> 01:11:08,389
Doesn't that look delicious?
1031
01:11:08,598 --> 01:11:12,935
Next, an all-you-can-eat lard bar.
1032
01:11:14,061 --> 01:11:15,813
Squirt, piggy, squirt!
1033
01:11:15,897 --> 01:11:17,648
Squirt it! Squirt!
1034
01:11:24,697 --> 01:11:29,035
All the lard you want!
Fill your little tummy full of lard!
1035
01:11:29,452 --> 01:11:31,746
- Hansel, where is he now?
- He's okay.
1036
01:11:32,121 --> 01:11:34,683
It's actually kind of nice. Mugatu's
hooked him up with some snacks.
1037
01:11:34,707 --> 01:11:38,211
He's got like a lard bar
and some cheesecake and stuff.
1038
01:11:38,336 --> 01:11:39,629
And pasta, too.
1039
01:11:39,796 --> 01:11:40,880
No!
1040
01:11:41,088 --> 01:11:44,217
No. You're right.
He's fattening him for the slaughter.
1041
01:11:44,550 --> 01:11:46,219
You can drop this stupid act.
1042
01:11:46,719 --> 01:11:49,722
I know who you are.
You're Jacob Moogberg.
1043
01:11:50,097 --> 01:11:51,808
And you're supposed to be in jail.
1044
01:11:52,433 --> 01:11:56,062
Hey! Jacob Moogberg died
the day I put ebony and ivory
1045
01:11:56,145 --> 01:11:59,482
on skinny satin neckwear! You hear me?
1046
01:11:59,732 --> 01:12:01,609
Okay. I got to make my move. Later.
1047
01:12:02,235 --> 01:12:04,529
You listen to me, Biggie Smalls.
1048
01:12:04,904 --> 01:12:06,072
I went to prison!
1049
01:12:06,489 --> 01:12:09,408
You better scarf down that
last bowl of whore pasta!
1050
01:12:09,492 --> 01:12:10,576
We roll in two!
1051
01:12:21,629 --> 01:12:23,256
You okay in there, little fella?
1052
01:12:23,506 --> 01:12:26,175
- We should call the police boat!
- They'll never get here in time.
1053
01:12:27,009 --> 01:12:29,178
Who says swimsuit models
are useless?
1054
01:12:30,137 --> 01:12:31,430
Wait. What are you doing?
1055
01:12:33,432 --> 01:12:35,184
How long can you hold your breath?
1056
01:12:35,560 --> 01:12:37,645
- What?
- Take me from behind, Derek.
1057
01:12:38,646 --> 01:12:40,565
And grab me like your life depends on it.
1058
01:12:42,024 --> 01:12:43,442
Not like this.
1059
01:12:43,609 --> 01:12:47,113
Like this! For safety. And buoyancy.
1060
01:12:47,446 --> 01:12:48,614
Wait. What?
1061
01:12:48,739 --> 01:12:50,324
We are swimming back to Rome.
1062
01:12:51,117 --> 01:12:52,201
Okay.
1063
01:12:57,206 --> 01:12:58,666
I just talked to your dad.
1064
01:12:58,749 --> 01:13:00,543
And we've got to get you
out of here pronto.
1065
01:13:01,043 --> 01:13:02,503
I never want to see him again.
1066
01:13:03,212 --> 01:13:05,214
What're you talking about?
Your dad's a great guy.
1067
01:13:05,298 --> 01:13:06,632
He loves you like you're his own.
1068
01:13:07,174 --> 01:13:08,634
I am his own!
1069
01:13:08,843 --> 01:13:11,095
He's literally the worst father ever!
1070
01:13:11,637 --> 01:13:13,389
Do you know
it would break your mom's heart
1071
01:13:13,472 --> 01:13:15,641
to hear you
bugging out on your dad like this?
1072
01:13:16,559 --> 01:13:17,977
You knew my mom?
1073
01:13:18,644 --> 01:13:22,148
Yeah. One of the most
amazing women I ever met.
1074
01:13:22,940 --> 01:13:23,941
Really?
1075
01:13:24,317 --> 01:13:26,235
You didn't want to cross her in the sack.
1076
01:13:26,652 --> 01:13:30,156
Those hips of hers would put a love lock
on you to beat the band.
1077
01:13:31,657 --> 01:13:32,992
Wait, what?
1078
01:13:33,159 --> 01:13:34,911
I remember there was one night
1079
01:13:35,036 --> 01:13:39,081
she had me and your dad
absolutely twisted in knots.
1080
01:13:39,165 --> 01:13:42,627
I was driving the freight train, your dad's
tearing tickets in the caboose.
1081
01:13:44,211 --> 01:13:46,005
She had a mouth like
Chinese fingercuffs.
1082
01:13:46,130 --> 01:13:50,259
You know where you try to pull it
out but it just keeps getting tighter...
1083
01:13:50,343 --> 01:13:52,136
Stop it! God.
1084
01:13:52,720 --> 01:13:54,305
Look... I'm not going.
1085
01:13:54,472 --> 01:13:57,183
Well, Mugatu's planning
to crack your chest open,
1086
01:13:57,266 --> 01:13:59,560
cut your heart out with a knife,
and drink your blood!
1087
01:13:59,769 --> 01:14:00,770
What?
1088
01:14:00,853 --> 01:14:02,897
Here he comes.
Everything's gonna be okay.
1089
01:14:04,023 --> 01:14:07,026
It's okay, it's okay. I was exaggerating.
1090
01:14:15,117 --> 01:14:17,203
It's D-Day, little dumpling.
1091
01:14:31,217 --> 01:14:32,551
You're an amazing swimmer.
1092
01:14:36,806 --> 01:14:38,849
Why are you doing this?
1093
01:14:39,058 --> 01:14:40,810
Don't talk with your mouth full.
1094
01:15:26,188 --> 01:15:27,773
It's soaking wet! It's ruined!
1095
01:15:27,857 --> 01:15:30,192
How are we gonna reach Hansel?
We need a phone.
1096
01:15:30,276 --> 01:15:31,444
Wait a minute.
1097
01:15:35,531 --> 01:15:36,782
Like this one?
1098
01:15:44,999 --> 01:15:46,000
Derek.
1099
01:15:46,083 --> 01:15:47,519
- Hansel, where are you?
- I don't know.
1100
01:15:47,543 --> 01:15:48,544
Some kind of tunnel.
1101
01:15:48,627 --> 01:15:50,796
I think we're underneath the IncrediBall.
1102
01:15:50,880 --> 01:15:53,049
It smells like the ruins
of an ancient bathhouse.
1103
01:15:53,132 --> 01:15:54,717
It's at the Caracalla Baths.
1104
01:15:54,925 --> 01:15:57,805
I'll drop a pin or a needle or whatever
and you can track my coordinates.
1105
01:15:57,845 --> 01:15:58,888
Cool.
1106
01:15:58,971 --> 01:16:00,931
They'll never let us in looking like this.
1107
01:16:07,438 --> 01:16:09,523
Interpol Fashion Division!
1108
01:16:10,024 --> 01:16:12,234
We need your vehicle
and your clothes. Now!
1109
01:16:44,391 --> 01:16:47,228
Why is Anna Wintour walking
away from the red carpet?
1110
01:17:05,329 --> 01:17:06,831
We have to get in there.
1111
01:17:08,040 --> 01:17:11,085
Every bathhouse I've ever worked at
always had a rear entrance.
1112
01:17:11,585 --> 01:17:13,420
I'm sure this one's no different.
Come on.
1113
01:17:21,679 --> 01:17:23,055
This is definitely it.
1114
01:17:23,806 --> 01:17:27,434
If I feel around here long enough,
I should be able to find the hole...
1115
01:17:39,238 --> 01:17:40,406
Derek!
1116
01:17:40,990 --> 01:17:42,158
Hansel!
1117
01:17:43,576 --> 01:17:45,411
Boy, am I glad to see you guys.
1118
01:17:45,494 --> 01:17:48,038
Hansel, my son is going
to die hating me.
1119
01:17:48,414 --> 01:17:50,166
Hating you? The last time I saw him,
1120
01:17:50,249 --> 01:17:51,893
he couldn't stop talking about
how much he loves you.
1121
01:17:51,917 --> 01:17:54,170
- Really? He said that?
- Yes.
1122
01:17:54,253 --> 01:17:57,631
Yes. I mean, I'm kind of paraphrasing,
and you had to read between the lines
1123
01:17:57,756 --> 01:17:59,258
but, basically.
1124
01:17:59,341 --> 01:18:01,302
Shut up! Can we talk about this later?
1125
01:18:01,385 --> 01:18:04,013
Yeah, come on. Let's go! This way!
1126
01:18:26,744 --> 01:18:28,287
That's Alexander Wang.
1127
01:18:28,370 --> 01:18:30,039
And Vera Wang.
1128
01:18:30,623 --> 01:18:31,832
Both Wangs.
1129
01:18:34,001 --> 01:18:35,377
Marc Jacobs.
1130
01:18:36,212 --> 01:18:37,588
Tommy Hilfiger.
1131
01:18:38,088 --> 01:18:40,674
They are all here for the sacrifice.
1132
01:18:57,316 --> 01:18:59,985
In the beginning of time
1133
01:19:00,277 --> 01:19:04,573
God created Adam and Eve
1134
01:19:04,657 --> 01:19:06,992
and Steve!
1135
01:19:07,952 --> 01:19:09,620
Mugatu!
1136
01:19:10,162 --> 01:19:11,830
Mugatu!
1137
01:19:12,456 --> 01:19:14,124
Mugatu!
1138
01:19:14,291 --> 01:19:15,918
Mugatu!
1139
01:19:33,811 --> 01:19:35,187
- D.J.
- Wait.
1140
01:19:35,312 --> 01:19:36,647
We don't have backup yet.
1141
01:19:40,276 --> 01:19:45,072
Jacobeem Mugowto
has deliver us the Choosen Why-yun.
1142
01:19:48,367 --> 01:19:50,369
And behold.
1143
01:19:50,494 --> 01:19:55,040
God expunged Steve from the Garden,
only to redeem us with eternal youth...
1144
01:19:55,124 --> 01:19:56,125
No.
1145
01:19:56,208 --> 01:19:59,545
...bathed in the blood
of the fat little Chosen One!
1146
01:20:01,005 --> 01:20:02,298
- Derek!
- Derek, don't.
1147
01:20:02,381 --> 01:20:03,424
No!
1148
01:20:10,723 --> 01:20:12,641
I don't care if you're fat anymore,
Derek Jr.
1149
01:20:12,725 --> 01:20:13,767
I love you.
1150
01:20:13,851 --> 01:20:16,270
Look, I have made
a lot of mistakes in my life,
1151
01:20:16,353 --> 01:20:18,230
but you are by far the best one.
1152
01:20:18,314 --> 01:20:19,606
I was a mistake?
1153
01:20:19,732 --> 01:20:22,985
I think so. To tell you the truth, we were
having so much sex, I can't remember.
1154
01:20:23,068 --> 01:20:25,070
Tell me about it, muchacho.
1155
01:20:26,196 --> 01:20:29,658
You're beautiful. You have the fire.
You just need to believe it.
1156
01:20:29,950 --> 01:20:32,661
- The fire?
- The fire in your face.
1157
01:20:33,078 --> 01:20:35,080
I lost it the day I killed your mom.
1158
01:20:36,332 --> 01:20:39,501
Look. It's a sad, scared little boy
1159
01:20:39,585 --> 01:20:42,755
talking to his fat son
about their feelings.
1160
01:20:43,964 --> 01:20:45,924
You are responsible for all this!
1161
01:20:46,050 --> 01:20:48,385
You lured me to Italy
so you could escape from prison.
1162
01:20:48,469 --> 01:20:51,263
You made Don Atari
and Alexanya hire me to set this trap.
1163
01:20:51,597 --> 01:20:52,890
But enough is enough!
1164
01:20:53,307 --> 01:20:56,643
Enough is enough!
Eat my blade, Junior!
1165
01:20:57,102 --> 01:20:59,480
Time to die, Chubby Checker!
1166
01:21:03,567 --> 01:21:04,985
Magnum, buddy. Now.
1167
01:21:06,904 --> 01:21:08,155
I can do this.
1168
01:21:22,628 --> 01:21:24,463
That did not work at all.
1169
01:21:26,465 --> 01:21:28,258
It just doesn't hold up, does it?
1170
01:21:29,176 --> 01:21:31,220
You sleuthed
the whole thing out, Derek,
1171
01:21:31,303 --> 01:21:34,598
but you failed to de-sleuth
the most important piece of the puzzle.
1172
01:21:34,681 --> 01:21:36,517
I owned the construction company
1173
01:21:36,600 --> 01:21:39,019
that built the Center for Kids
Who Can't Read Good.
1174
01:21:40,979 --> 01:21:43,148
I personally made sure they cut corners.
1175
01:21:43,315 --> 01:21:44,525
Literally!
1176
01:21:46,151 --> 01:21:47,194
But that means that...
1177
01:21:47,277 --> 01:21:50,656
That's right, JuJu Bean.
That's How I Killed Your Mother!
1178
01:21:51,532 --> 01:21:54,701
On CBS, right after Two Broke Girls.
1179
01:21:55,661 --> 01:21:57,121
Dad, it wasn't you!
1180
01:21:57,204 --> 01:21:58,539
It wasn't...
1181
01:21:58,705 --> 01:22:01,458
Wait. You called me Dad.
1182
01:22:02,167 --> 01:22:03,669
I guess I did.
1183
01:22:04,420 --> 01:22:06,463
Now you don't have
the ceremonial knife!
1184
01:22:06,547 --> 01:22:09,049
Which means, no Fountain of Youth!
1185
01:22:09,675 --> 01:22:12,094
Come on, Derek! We need the blood!
1186
01:22:12,511 --> 01:22:16,515
Stop being so emotional, Derek.
Just give him the goddamn knife.
1187
01:22:16,682 --> 01:22:18,434
Derek, we need the blood!
1188
01:22:18,517 --> 01:22:21,228
Blood of Steve! Blood of Steve!
1189
01:22:21,311 --> 01:22:24,481
Blood of Steve! Blood of Steve!
1190
01:22:24,857 --> 01:22:27,776
Blood of Steve!
Give him back the knife, Derek.
1191
01:22:27,860 --> 01:22:32,489
Blood of Steve! Blood of Steve!
1192
01:22:32,573 --> 01:22:34,283
Shut up, Valentino!
1193
01:22:35,701 --> 01:22:38,203
Just shut up! Everyone shut up!
1194
01:22:38,328 --> 01:22:40,289
There is no Fountain of Youth!
1195
01:22:41,457 --> 01:22:42,541
What?
1196
01:22:43,041 --> 01:22:46,211
I mean, Adam and Eve and Steve?
1197
01:22:46,628 --> 01:22:49,506
Are you serious?
You actually believed that crap?
1198
01:22:50,048 --> 01:22:51,216
What?
1199
01:22:51,467 --> 01:22:55,262
It's literally the stupidest thing
I've ever heard!
1200
01:22:55,679 --> 01:22:59,683
I get it if Alexander Wang believes it,
but the rest of you, come on!
1201
01:23:00,392 --> 01:23:04,062
Please. Without me, you'd still be
cutting patterns at Men's Wearhouse.
1202
01:23:04,354 --> 01:23:06,732
Look, it's the White Witch from Narnia!
1203
01:23:08,400 --> 01:23:12,070
No, I'm sorry it's just Anna Wintour.
I'll knock your teeth out!
1204
01:23:12,279 --> 01:23:14,448
I'll rip your goddamn tongue out!
1205
01:23:14,740 --> 01:23:16,992
Check out the new spring collection
from Hilfiger...
1206
01:23:17,075 --> 01:23:18,785
Brought to you by white privilege!
1207
01:23:19,203 --> 01:23:21,872
You couldn't make a down jacket
to save your life!
1208
01:23:22,247 --> 01:23:23,290
Asshole.
1209
01:23:23,665 --> 01:23:26,210
I don't understand.
You're saying the legend isn't true?
1210
01:23:26,376 --> 01:23:28,462
Why are you doing all of this, then?
1211
01:23:28,795 --> 01:23:31,715
Because Marc, by Marc Jacobs
1212
01:23:32,799 --> 01:23:35,302
I knew that there'd only be
one thing that would gather
1213
01:23:35,385 --> 01:23:40,766
the entire idiotic fashion world
into one place with no exit!
1214
01:23:40,933 --> 01:23:42,059
Todd! Doors!
1215
01:23:47,356 --> 01:23:48,774
Todd! Silks!
1216
01:23:54,029 --> 01:23:58,283
For years you all left me
to die in a stinking cell!
1217
01:23:58,492 --> 01:24:00,786
Well, now it's my turn!
1218
01:24:04,748 --> 01:24:06,792
I was living a peaceful life of reclusion.
1219
01:24:07,459 --> 01:24:08,835
Why drag me into this?
1220
01:24:10,546 --> 01:24:12,673
Because my big issue is
1221
01:24:12,756 --> 01:24:15,634
I hate you, Derek Zoolander!
1222
01:24:17,469 --> 01:24:20,973
Then why kill all those pop stars?
Why kill Justin Bieber?
1223
01:24:21,932 --> 01:24:25,477
Really? You're asking me
why I killed Justin Bieber?
1224
01:24:29,648 --> 01:24:30,983
Todd! Pooch!
1225
01:24:38,365 --> 01:24:39,533
It's a bomb!
1226
01:24:39,825 --> 01:24:41,493
Not just any bomb.
1227
01:24:41,702 --> 01:24:46,873
A device, designed by Philippe Starck
in collaboration with Al-Qaeda
1228
01:24:46,999 --> 01:24:49,668
for their new spring explosive collection.
1229
01:24:50,127 --> 01:24:51,962
Todd! Floor!
1230
01:24:55,048 --> 01:24:58,051
When I throw this
into this ancient pool of lava,
1231
01:24:58,218 --> 01:25:00,596
it will overflow,
killing everyone in fashion.
1232
01:25:01,680 --> 01:25:03,348
Leaving only me.
1233
01:25:03,682 --> 01:25:05,142
You can't kill fashion!
1234
01:25:05,225 --> 01:25:08,020
I'm afraid fashion already killed itself.
1235
01:25:08,437 --> 01:25:11,106
Mugatu! I'm coming across!
1236
01:25:13,692 --> 01:25:14,860
Derek!
1237
01:25:15,485 --> 01:25:17,904
Heat is a temporal construct
of the mind.
1238
01:25:18,030 --> 01:25:19,031
Yes.
1239
01:25:19,114 --> 01:25:20,616
It doesn't exist.
1240
01:25:25,162 --> 01:25:27,748
It's so hot! It's hot!
1241
01:25:34,004 --> 01:25:35,047
Jesus!
1242
01:25:35,130 --> 01:25:36,965
Stop it, Hansel! Stop it!
1243
01:25:38,592 --> 01:25:40,135
Derek, toss me the knife.
1244
01:25:40,218 --> 01:25:41,345
You got it!
1245
01:25:49,061 --> 01:25:50,187
Sorry.
1246
01:25:52,564 --> 01:25:53,774
So stupid.
1247
01:25:54,149 --> 01:25:57,027
What the hell is your problem?
1248
01:25:57,152 --> 01:25:58,987
You guys are the absolute worst.
1249
01:25:59,696 --> 01:26:01,573
Put the bomb down, Mugatu!
1250
01:26:02,991 --> 01:26:06,036
You're the bubble-butted Playboy model
trying to take me down.
1251
01:26:06,370 --> 01:26:07,496
Swimsuit model!
1252
01:26:07,746 --> 01:26:10,165
Sports Illustrated cover,
three years in a row!
1253
01:26:29,184 --> 01:26:31,603
- Katinka...
- ...Ingaborgovinananananana!
1254
01:26:34,856 --> 01:26:37,943
Game on, my sexy sister.
1255
01:26:46,034 --> 01:26:48,203
Look! They're sexy fighting!
1256
01:26:59,881 --> 01:27:01,341
Awesome.
1257
01:27:04,428 --> 01:27:05,887
Tommy likee.
1258
01:27:09,474 --> 01:27:12,018
Hey, idiots!
Maybe this will get your attention!
1259
01:27:12,102 --> 01:27:14,312
I've got a bomb in my hand
and it's armed!
1260
01:27:20,485 --> 01:27:22,320
Derek, now! Magnum! Do it!
1261
01:27:22,738 --> 01:27:24,614
Fly, baby, fly!
1262
01:27:25,782 --> 01:27:27,242
Bust it out!
1263
01:27:34,916 --> 01:27:36,585
Yes! I knew it.
1264
01:27:48,722 --> 01:27:50,056
Hansel, I need your help.
1265
01:27:50,474 --> 01:27:51,641
Here, let me try!
1266
01:27:54,644 --> 01:27:57,314
It's not working! Derek, it's not working!
1267
01:27:57,522 --> 01:28:00,275
I can't hold it, Hansel! I don't have it!
1268
01:28:00,358 --> 01:28:02,569
You've got your son! I've got nothing.
1269
01:28:04,696 --> 01:28:06,114
Not anymore, Hansel.
1270
01:28:07,616 --> 01:28:08,909
Who's your daddy now?
1271
01:28:09,284 --> 01:28:12,996
I don't know who my daddy is!
That's the whole point!
1272
01:28:13,246 --> 01:28:14,539
- Hansel.
- What?
1273
01:28:17,083 --> 01:28:18,460
I am your father.
1274
01:28:20,045 --> 01:28:22,047
Holy shit. Sting?
1275
01:28:22,172 --> 01:28:23,715
Let's do this now.
1276
01:28:24,216 --> 01:28:25,884
Synchronicity.
1277
01:28:44,402 --> 01:28:47,989
Nice try, but that looks about
as powerful as your fat son's...
1278
01:28:48,073 --> 01:28:49,950
I'm not fat!
1279
01:28:51,868 --> 01:28:53,578
He's plus size.
1280
01:28:55,330 --> 01:28:57,082
And I've got the fire.
1281
01:29:02,963 --> 01:29:05,966
El Niño! It's real.
1282
01:29:09,010 --> 01:29:10,470
It's so beautiful.
1283
01:29:12,222 --> 01:29:13,765
Bellissima.
1284
01:29:19,145 --> 01:29:21,064
The prophecy was true.
1285
01:29:22,774 --> 01:29:24,609
He is the Chosen One.
1286
01:29:31,783 --> 01:29:35,662
Hansel. He's still so hot right now.
1287
01:29:46,256 --> 01:29:49,134
No way! It's a glitter bomb!
1288
01:30:02,397 --> 01:30:03,815
Looks like you still have it.
1289
01:30:04,107 --> 01:30:06,693
I guess I do. Well, we do.
1290
01:30:11,698 --> 01:30:12,741
Your face!
1291
01:30:13,325 --> 01:30:14,743
How bad is it?
1292
01:30:15,160 --> 01:30:16,912
Welcome to my world, bro.
1293
01:30:17,162 --> 01:30:18,747
- Hansel!
- Hansel!
1294
01:30:18,830 --> 01:30:20,332
- Orgy!
- Hansel!
1295
01:30:24,336 --> 01:30:25,837
What are they doing here?
1296
01:30:26,880 --> 01:30:30,258
I knew how much they meant to you,
so I called them on the way over.
1297
01:30:30,342 --> 01:30:31,843
You did that for me?
1298
01:30:32,510 --> 01:30:35,972
You're the best friend anyone could
ever ask for, Derek Zoolander.
1299
01:30:40,352 --> 01:30:41,811
You look so beautiful.
1300
01:30:43,480 --> 01:30:44,856
We missed you so much.
1301
01:30:44,940 --> 01:30:46,107
And I've missed you, too.
1302
01:30:46,191 --> 01:30:49,277
And I'm ready to be a father.
To all our children.
1303
01:30:51,571 --> 01:30:52,864
Minus one.
1304
01:30:54,449 --> 01:30:55,450
What?
1305
01:30:55,992 --> 01:30:57,661
I lost my baby.
1306
01:30:58,078 --> 01:30:59,162
No.
1307
01:30:59,871 --> 01:31:02,332
I guess kicking the door down
wasn't such a good idea.
1308
01:31:04,000 --> 01:31:06,044
We're going to be a family,
that's all that matters.
1309
01:31:14,552 --> 01:31:17,347
Wait. Are you sure?
1310
01:31:18,223 --> 01:31:20,725
You're right. We shouldn't.
1311
01:31:21,893 --> 01:31:26,231
Hey. It's okay, Dad.
I don't think Mom would mind.
1312
01:31:33,321 --> 01:31:34,489
Matilda.
1313
01:31:35,198 --> 01:31:36,866
Go to her, Derek.
1314
01:31:37,742 --> 01:31:38,994
You're cool with it?
1315
01:31:39,285 --> 01:31:40,870
I'm totally cool with it.
1316
01:31:41,538 --> 01:31:45,208
I'm dead. Literally nothing
bothers me anymore.
1317
01:31:46,251 --> 01:31:47,293
And guess what?
1318
01:31:47,419 --> 01:31:51,172
Mugatu live-streamed all of this
to every fashion blog on the planet.
1319
01:31:51,715 --> 01:31:53,842
Everybody loves you guys again.
1320
01:31:54,467 --> 01:31:57,512
- Did you hear that?
- We did it. We're back.
1321
01:31:57,595 --> 01:32:00,098
And famous. And totally self-realized.
1322
01:32:00,598 --> 01:32:02,392
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
1323
01:32:03,059 --> 01:32:04,394
If you're thinking...
1324
01:32:04,602 --> 01:32:06,771
Lava pool party!
1325
01:32:08,982 --> 01:32:10,442
No!
1326
01:32:13,903 --> 01:32:14,946
{\an8}They're back!
1327
01:32:15,030 --> 01:32:17,198
{\an8}After six weeks in the burn ward,
1328
01:32:17,282 --> 01:32:21,828
their disgusting facial scars healed
by a miraculous hot lava treatment
1329
01:32:21,911 --> 01:32:25,206
Derek Zoolander and Hansel
owning the runway once again
1330
01:32:25,290 --> 01:32:30,628
{\an8}after exposing fashion's top designers
in yet another human sacrifice scandal.
1331
01:32:30,754 --> 01:32:34,632
{\an8}This time with the aid
of Interpol agent Valentina Valencia,
1332
01:32:34,716 --> 01:32:36,551
now Zoolander's wife.
1333
01:32:37,093 --> 01:32:38,595
The two recently broke ground
1334
01:32:38,678 --> 01:32:41,056
for the Valentina Valencia
Center For Swimsuit Models
1335
01:32:41,139 --> 01:32:42,557
Who Want To Be Taken Seriously
1336
01:32:42,640 --> 01:32:45,268
{\an8}And Maybe Transition
Into Law Enforcement Too.
1337
01:32:45,351 --> 01:32:49,147
Hansel, definitely back
and fully self-realized.
1338
01:32:49,230 --> 01:32:51,900
Now a model parent. And father of ten.
1339
01:32:51,983 --> 01:32:56,571
As crowds at Paris Fashion Week
go cray-cray for Derek Zoolander, Jr.,
1340
01:32:56,654 --> 01:32:59,115
the world's hottest
plus size model-slash-
1341
01:32:59,199 --> 01:33:00,575
National Book Award winner-
1342
01:33:00,658 --> 01:33:03,745
slash-one-half of celebrity
couple Zoolala.
1343
01:33:03,828 --> 01:33:06,331
Yes, these three are totally on fleek...
1344
01:33:06,414 --> 01:33:09,209
Redefining what it means
to be really, really
1345
01:33:09,292 --> 01:33:12,128
ridiculously good-looking.
1346
01:33:16,007 --> 01:33:17,509
Pumped up with the sex appeal
1347
01:33:17,675 --> 01:33:19,320
'Bout to cop another feel
Then I foot the bill
1348
01:33:19,344 --> 01:33:23,014
I got bang bang with the looks that kill
Sashay, Shante, then hit the blue steel
1349
01:33:23,098 --> 01:33:24,933
{\an8}Trying to take a ride in the cool mobile
1350
01:33:25,016 --> 01:33:26,976
{\an8}You wanna keep me on the line
'Cause my culo real
1351
01:33:27,060 --> 01:33:28,895
Rockstar shit
with the Goose on the chill
1352
01:33:28,978 --> 01:33:31,064
My pockets so fat, got a sumo deal
1353
01:33:31,189 --> 01:33:34,818
I'm a star, so the camera flicker
Look at her go, blame it on the liquor
1354
01:33:34,901 --> 01:33:38,279
Doing it big, my selfie two figures
Could give it up, but I ain't a quitter
1355
01:33:38,363 --> 01:33:42,033
Ooh, I be flyer than you
World domination, I'm so Mugatu
1356
01:33:42,117 --> 01:33:44,077
Yes, I be smashin', plenty of fashion
1357
01:33:44,160 --> 01:33:46,204
Doing my anthem,
Now give 'em the Magnum
1358
01:33:46,287 --> 01:33:49,165
Relax, don't do it
When you wanna go to it
1359
01:33:49,249 --> 01:33:51,334
Relax, don't do it
1360
01:33:53,169 --> 01:33:56,798
Relax, don't do it
When we got the club moving
1361
01:33:56,881 --> 01:33:58,758
Relax, don't do it
1362
01:33:58,842 --> 01:34:03,179
When you wanna come
1363
01:34:16,234 --> 01:34:19,904
Pack it up, old lames
You just irrelevant to us
1364
01:34:19,988 --> 01:34:23,658
Old as the presidents
Your style is like the republican twos
1365
01:34:23,741 --> 01:34:26,870
That's a definite
Give grief to all your relatives
1366
01:34:26,953 --> 01:34:30,456
And next of kin and
Gave 'em D-attention, no decificit
1367
01:34:30,582 --> 01:34:33,334
When I say ancient relics,
Hansel and Derek,
1368
01:34:33,418 --> 01:34:34,919
I'm handsome, you jealous
1369
01:34:35,003 --> 01:34:39,424
I can tell it from your facial expressions
Or I take it, you smell it
1370
01:34:39,549 --> 01:34:45,096
I'm sorry, Don Atari, but Donatella
Suggested Valentino for the party
1371
01:34:45,722 --> 01:34:48,933
Shoot it in the right direction
1372
01:34:49,267 --> 01:34:53,021
Make it your intention
1373
01:34:53,104 --> 01:34:54,981
Live those dreams
1374
01:34:55,064 --> 01:34:56,941
Scheme those schemes
1375
01:34:57,025 --> 01:34:59,027
You gotta hit me
1376
01:34:59,110 --> 01:35:00,945
Hit me with those laser beams
1377
01:35:01,029 --> 01:35:04,240
Relax, don't do it
When you wanna go to it
1378
01:35:04,324 --> 01:35:08,077
Relax, don't do it
When you wanna come
1379
01:35:08,161 --> 01:35:09,954
Relax, don't do it
1380
01:35:10,038 --> 01:35:11,915
When we got the club moving
1381
01:35:11,998 --> 01:35:13,708
Relax, don't do it
1382
01:35:13,791 --> 01:35:17,128
When you wanna come
1383
01:35:18,463 --> 01:35:21,966
When you wanna come
1384
01:35:30,516 --> 01:35:31,976
Relax
1384
01:35:32,305 --> 01:36:32,228