1
00:00:06,373 --> 00:00:08,607
{\an8}We all paid 80 bucks for
the blue hats, right?
2
00:00:08,608 --> 00:00:09,808
{\an8}-Yeah.
-Yup.
3
00:00:09,809 --> 00:00:11,210
{\an8}-Debit card got rejected.
-We can't be
4
00:00:11,211 --> 00:00:13,846
{\an8}The Cerulean Chapeaus
until you buy the damn hat,
5
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,881
Camden!
-Look at me.
6
00:00:15,882 --> 00:00:18,250
{\an8}I'm an elephant.
-Mom!
7
00:00:18,251 --> 00:00:19,852
{\an8}Did Dr. Chen renew
the prescription
8
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,487
{\an8}for your rectal
shingles, or not?
9
00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:23,789
{\an8}-[ Laughs ]
-Like a roof in your butt?
10
00:00:23,790 --> 00:00:24,890
{\an8}Eugh!
11
00:00:24,891 --> 00:00:26,558
{\an8}♪
12
00:00:26,559 --> 00:00:29,695
{\an8}My mom won't give me
one nanosecond of peace!
13
00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:31,397
{\an8}I was going to the Walgreens.
14
00:00:31,398 --> 00:00:34,033
{\an8}I'm not making two
trips to the Walgreens.
15
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,934
It's such an honor to
meet the A-list actor
16
00:00:35,935 --> 00:00:37,703
who took the C-list
comic character
17
00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,304
to a B-list movie character.
18
00:00:39,305 --> 00:00:42,041
Oh, so this is Mr. Strange!
19
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:44,143
Mom! What the fuck
are you doing?!
20
00:00:44,144 --> 00:00:46,345
Oh! It's so nice to
meet you, Mr. Strange.
21
00:00:46,346 --> 00:00:48,981
Enchanté. [ Smooches
] Boop, boo, boo!
22
00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:52,151
[ Chuckles ] Charmed.
50 bucks, kid.
23
00:00:52,152 --> 00:00:53,752
So, what's on the agenda today?
24
00:00:53,753 --> 00:00:56,355
Mother-son boudoir photography?
25
00:00:56,356 --> 00:00:58,157
Wha-ack-what-what?!
26
00:00:58,158 --> 00:01:00,459
I would rather pull
off all my skin,
27
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:03,429
roll it up like a Fruit
Roll-Up, and then eat it.
28
00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:05,497
Would you do that on camera?
29
00:01:05,498 --> 00:01:09,234
And three, two...
Drop the robes!
30
00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:11,637
-Ta-da!
-[ Gagging ]
31
00:01:11,638 --> 00:01:14,273
These will make such a
lovely Christmas card!
32
00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:17,509
Oh, my stars and garters.
What is happening?!
33
00:01:17,510 --> 00:01:19,679
The Benedick has arrived.
34
00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:22,648
Oh. That's nice.
35
00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:24,617
[ Camera shutter clicking ]
36
00:01:26,786 --> 00:01:28,253
-Ooh!
-What is that?
37
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:31,323
It does look a little strange.
38
00:01:31,324 --> 00:01:33,859
No shit, Sherlock.
39
00:01:33,860 --> 00:01:36,728
But seriously, kid,
get that checked out.
40
00:01:36,729 --> 00:01:40,999
I'm Zak Bagans, and this
is "Ghost Adventures".
41
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,168
Tonight, we explore
this abandoned
42
00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:45,904
seasonal inflatable
lawn decoration factory.
43
00:01:45,905 --> 00:01:49,675
Is it a paranormal hotbed
or just a lot of hot air?
44
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:52,077
Whoa, dude!
-[ Whispers ] We'll cut Aaron's line in post.
45
00:01:52,078 --> 00:01:54,379
[ Ominous music plays ]
46
00:01:54,380 --> 00:01:55,647
Broooo.
47
00:01:55,648 --> 00:01:57,916
The Zak-ometer's going crazy.
48
00:01:57,917 --> 00:02:00,119
Da-da-da-daaa!
49
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,554
Welcome to Ghost Bitchventures
50
00:02:02,555 --> 00:02:05,624
starring yours truly,
Bitch Pudding. Blam!
51
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,559
-I'm Zak Bagans.
-Wow!
52
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,928
It's the bass player
in every ska band.
53
00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:14,099
-No, this is my Zak-ometer.
-No shit?
54
00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:15,801
We're shooting a TV
show for Travel Channel.
55
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,836
I'm making my own show
for Travel Channel.
56
00:02:17,837 --> 00:02:20,405
Guess we'll see who makes a
better show then, Bloggins!
57
00:02:20,406 --> 00:02:22,107
Guess we will!
58
00:02:22,108 --> 00:02:24,176
Da-da-da-daaa!
59
00:02:24,177 --> 00:02:26,278
Just between us paranormal
professionals...
60
00:02:26,279 --> 00:02:28,380
did a ghost ever
finger your fun hole?
61
00:02:28,381 --> 00:02:30,315
Naw, naw, no. That's absurd.
62
00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:32,417
Ghosts are voices
from the other side,
63
00:02:32,418 --> 00:02:34,520
desperate to communicate
with the living.
64
00:02:34,521 --> 00:02:37,289
New question. Slenderman wants
to finger your fun hole...
65
00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:40,759
he'll give you $500, but
it's in ghost dollars.
66
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,227
What do you do?
67
00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:44,029
Nobody's fingering
any fun holes.
68
00:02:44,030 --> 00:02:45,597
[ Laughs ]
69
00:02:45,598 --> 00:02:47,766
[ Deep, raspy voice ] Aaron!
70
00:02:47,767 --> 00:02:49,668
Bro, tell me you
got that on tape.
71
00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:54,273
I am the ghost of the seasonal
inflatable lawn decoration
72
00:02:54,274 --> 00:02:55,774
factory killer.
73
00:02:55,775 --> 00:02:59,077
Proof! 34 seasons and
we finally have proof!
74
00:02:59,078 --> 00:03:01,079
-Aaron!
-Yes, sir?
75
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,982
Would you let Slenderman
finger your fun hole
76
00:03:03,983 --> 00:03:07,687
for 500 ghost dollars?
77
00:03:09,455 --> 00:03:13,592
Is... he paying me
or am I paying him?
78
00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:14,693
[ Laughs evilly ]
79
00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:16,261
You stupid idiot!
80
00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:18,231
Da-da-da-daaa!
81
00:03:19,999 --> 00:03:22,267
[ Deep, raspy voice
] Zak! It is I.
82
00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:24,736
Jackpot! This is the real deal!
83
00:03:24,737 --> 00:03:28,373
Tell us, why did you do
those terrible things here
84
00:03:28,374 --> 00:03:31,476
in the seasonal inflatable
lawn decoration factory?
85
00:03:31,477 --> 00:03:33,011
I will tell you...
86
00:03:33,012 --> 00:03:37,282
if you let my BFF Slenderman
finger your fun hole.
87
00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:39,017
Jesus Christ, Bitch Pudding!
88
00:03:39,018 --> 00:03:40,485
Do you know how much
this camera crew costs?
89
00:03:40,486 --> 00:03:41,987
-[ Roars ]
-[ Screams ]
90
00:03:41,988 --> 00:03:43,455
Da-da-da-daaa!
91
00:03:43,456 --> 00:03:47,427
Are you the ghost or did a
dinosaur shit out Prince Philip?
92
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:51,897
Not topical anymore? Okay.
93
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,665
Oh, noooooo!
94
00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:57,102
[ In slow motion ] My camera!
95
00:03:57,103 --> 00:03:59,004
[ Screaming in slow motion ]
96
00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:01,106
[ In slow motion ]
Ghost Bitchventures!
97
00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:03,008
[ Rock and roll music plays ]
98
00:04:03,009 --> 00:04:04,343
Aah!
99
00:04:04,344 --> 00:04:06,245
[ Screams ]
100
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,479
[ Laughing evilly ]
101
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,349
Oh, wow!
102
00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:11,451
Oh, shit!
103
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,119
Blam!
104
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:17,823
Whoo!
105
00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:20,726
[ Normal voice ] Consider
this myth... busted.
106
00:04:20,727 --> 00:04:22,594
[ Normal voice ] Wrong show.
107
00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:25,364
The state of our
oceans is in crisis.
108
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:28,000
Human-caused pollution
and global warming
109
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:31,603
has made the world's oceans
unlivable for many species.
110
00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:34,673
Forced migration was inevitable.
111
00:04:34,674 --> 00:04:39,012
Invasive species are never
welcomed by native wildlife.
112
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:45,218
[ Clears throat ] You know
how fast you were going?
113
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,689
Had anything to drink tonight?
114
00:04:55,094 --> 00:04:56,295
[ Engine revs, tires screech ]
115
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:57,996
He's running! He's running!
116
00:04:57,997 --> 00:05:00,465
Is this the future anyone wants?
117
00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:02,301
This is Shark Week.
118
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,403
Let's keep our oceans beautiful
119
00:05:04,404 --> 00:05:06,838
and keep sea life
where it belongs...
120
00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:09,208
in the sea.
121
00:05:10,176 --> 00:05:12,344
Ugh. [ Groaning ]
122
00:05:12,345 --> 00:05:16,049
Wh... Wh... Where am I,
and why am I... naked?!
123
00:05:18,117 --> 00:05:20,052
Greetings, Bat-fool!
124
00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:24,389
Let's see how you like
being Naked and Afraid!
125
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:26,892
Naked? Yes, undeniable...
there's my Bat-dick.
126
00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:28,293
Afraid? Never.
127
00:05:28,294 --> 00:05:30,062
No, that's the name of the show.
128
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:32,964
You must survive
"Naked and Afraid",
129
00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:36,601
or I'll blow up the Naked
and Afraid Experience
130
00:05:36,602 --> 00:05:38,136
at Warner Bros Movie World!
131
00:05:38,137 --> 00:05:40,639
No! It's Australia's
hidden gem!
132
00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:45,777
Then I suppose you'll
be playing my game!
133
00:05:45,778 --> 00:05:48,046
What, like this is supposed
to be hard? I'm Batman.
134
00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:50,382
In the morning I'll build a
boat, sail to Gotham City,
135
00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:52,384
and punch Riddler
right in the balls.
136
00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:55,854
Meow, room on that boat
for one more? Meow.
137
00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:57,256
[ Gasps ] Catwoman! [ Gasps ]
138
00:05:59,559 --> 00:06:02,627
Meow. Looks like we've got
an Adam and Eve situation
139
00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:04,696
happening here, Batman. Meow!
140
00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:07,499
Yeah, only if Eve
belonged in Arkham Asylum
141
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:10,035
and Adam could bench
press 550 pounds...
142
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:12,771
560, whatever.
-Oh, fucking meow!
143
00:06:12,772 --> 00:06:15,140
We're trapped on a deserted
island with no clothes,
144
00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:17,909
and you still won't look at
me from the neck down. Meow!
145
00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:19,478
Oh, no, just... I'm
just thinking about
146
00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:21,179
my mother's
bullet-riddled corpse.
147
00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:24,050
-Meow.
-Ugh, I'm an open book.
148
00:06:26,452 --> 00:06:29,020
We should hit civilization
with about 3 to 4 weeks
149
00:06:29,021 --> 00:06:30,890
of strong paddling, Robin.
150
00:06:32,358 --> 00:06:34,660
Guess this is our view
for the next month, huh?
151
00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:40,999
Meow, Batman!
Volleyball Robin!
152
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:44,169
Riddler was watching us from
his tree fort the whole time.
153
00:06:44,170 --> 00:06:46,605
Want to help me tie
him to a fire ant hill?
154
00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:48,039
I can whip him with a palm.
155
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,341
[ Sarcastically ] No, don't!
156
00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:50,609
You can come inside my bat cave.
157
00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:51,877
We're going home!
158
00:06:51,878 --> 00:06:53,545
You can make your
own boat, Selina!
159
00:06:53,546 --> 00:06:55,380
Meow, oh, you'll be back!
160
00:06:55,381 --> 00:06:59,050
After all, palm tree sap
dissolves in saltwater, stupid.
161
00:06:59,051 --> 00:07:01,052
[ Wood creaks, breaks ]
-Oh! What the fuck!
162
00:07:01,053 --> 00:07:03,488
Mayday! Gentlemen,
it has been an honor!
163
00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:06,158
Robin? Wait, no, Robin!
Where are you go...?
164
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,627
Robin!
165
00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:11,229
{\an8}As longtime viewers know,
I'm very unlucky in love.
166
00:07:11,230 --> 00:07:14,099
{\an8}But I've met someone
very special online.
167
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:17,936
So today, I'm traveling to
her hometown to propose.
168
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:20,038
[ Seagull cries ] [
People screaming ]
169
00:07:20,039 --> 00:07:21,740
-It's a beast!
-Giant coming!
170
00:07:21,741 --> 00:07:23,742
Hey! Stop that! Ow! Ow! Oops!
171
00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:25,077
Whoa! [ Thuds ]
172
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,146
[ Groans ]
173
00:07:28,147 --> 00:07:29,448
Big Ed!
174
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,750
Wow. You really are big.
175
00:07:31,751 --> 00:07:34,853
Mary, you look normal size
in our nude Facetimes.
176
00:07:34,854 --> 00:07:38,156
I knew I should have asked
for a banana for scale.
177
00:07:38,157 --> 00:07:39,925
I am the King of Lilliput!
178
00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:44,062
Any man who wants to marry my
daughter must prove his worth.
179
00:07:44,063 --> 00:07:45,497
[ Seagull cries ]
180
00:07:45,498 --> 00:07:47,098
Ah, fuck! The pooping dragon!
181
00:07:47,099 --> 00:07:49,134
Run for cover! [
People screaming ]
182
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:52,070
He probably smells all
the mayo I put in my hair.
183
00:07:52,071 --> 00:07:53,238
Get outta here!
184
00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:55,707
Big Ed, you have
saved our kingdom
185
00:07:55,708 --> 00:07:57,843
from the hot white liquid death.
186
00:07:57,844 --> 00:08:00,111
You may have my daughter's hand.
187
00:08:00,112 --> 00:08:02,514
This is the best news!
188
00:08:02,515 --> 00:08:04,015
[ Excitedly ] Da, da, da, da.
189
00:08:04,016 --> 00:08:05,751
Whoa!
190
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:10,389
Mary? You good?
191
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:15,660
{\an8}Hi there, Mr. Nerd.
192
00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:17,796
I'm Dr. Toesenhoofer.
What brings you here?
193
00:08:17,797 --> 00:08:20,632
You're the cheapest doctor
on my mom's insurance plan...
194
00:08:20,633 --> 00:08:22,200
[Whispers] thanks, Obama...
[Normal voice] but I figured
195
00:08:22,201 --> 00:08:24,102
feet are just muscle,
bones, and skin.
196
00:08:24,103 --> 00:08:26,037
How's that any different
from the rest of my body?
197
00:08:26,038 --> 00:08:29,241
You probably just focus on
feet to feel special, right?
198
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:30,976
I've got one who can see.
199
00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:32,878
Wait! I really do
need your help.
200
00:08:32,879 --> 00:08:34,980
Gross! [ Gagging ]
201
00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:38,283
So... Sorry. That
was unprofessional.
202
00:08:38,284 --> 00:08:42,020
[ Clears throat ] Ooh.
Let's cut open this foot...
203
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:44,523
er, thing... and...
and take a look inside.
204
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,424
Shouldn't we do
some tests first?
205
00:08:46,425 --> 00:08:49,761
All my tests are for feet.
Okay, just a small incision.
206
00:08:49,762 --> 00:08:53,098
Oh, my God! What
the heck is that?
207
00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:55,100
It's a teratoma,
a benign tumor...
208
00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:57,035
sometimes containing
the cells of a twin.
209
00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:58,937
Ooh. This one has
excellent feet.
210
00:08:58,938 --> 00:09:01,206
So I have a brother?
211
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,375
Wazzup!
212
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:06,177
Wow, he's so cool.
He'll need a cool name.
213
00:09:06,178 --> 00:09:08,713
How about James Dean or Keanu?
214
00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:12,150
Wolverine? [ Gasps ]
Jamesdean Keanu-Wolverine!
215
00:09:12,151 --> 00:09:13,718
Oh. That's cute.
216
00:09:13,719 --> 00:09:16,254
Anyway, this disgusting growth
should die off naturally
217
00:09:16,255 --> 00:09:17,489
in about 90 days.
218
00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:19,691
What? No! We just met.
219
00:09:19,692 --> 00:09:22,093
I have so much to show
him about the world.
220
00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:24,296
Settlers of Catan. The McRib.
221
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:26,197
-Sex tourism.
-Oh, man.
222
00:09:26,198 --> 00:09:29,167
You'll never fall in
love and get married.
223
00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:32,871
It was always a dream to be an
usher at my brother's wedding.
224
00:09:32,872 --> 00:09:37,276
A wedding in 90 days? I
might know some people. Wink.
225
00:09:40,046 --> 00:09:41,313
{\an8}[ Romanian accent
] My name Jordashe,
226
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:43,615
{\an8}22-year-old Romanian villager.
227
00:09:43,616 --> 00:09:46,585
{\an8}Dream to find love
with American husband
228
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:50,889
{\an8}and live new life in
U.S.A. with the ham-borg-er
229
00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:53,358
and the riding lawnmower.
230
00:09:53,359 --> 00:09:57,095
I have been e-mailing with
cute boy named James Dean.
231
00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:59,297
Jordashe! It's us!
232
00:09:59,298 --> 00:10:00,699
You not James Dean.
233
00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:03,101
Meet your new love of your life!
234
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:04,636
Buenos dias, baby.
235
00:10:04,637 --> 00:10:06,304
You did not tell me
you were attached
236
00:10:06,305 --> 00:10:09,240
to ugly human nerd.
Not cool, bro.
237
00:10:09,241 --> 00:10:12,645
True, I didn't, but daddy
brought you a Squishmallow.
238
00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:15,180
Okay.
239
00:10:15,181 --> 00:10:17,616
You have a lovely home,
Mrs. Chow-cheff-skew.
240
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,651
Thanks your, Green Card.
241
00:10:19,652 --> 00:10:23,521
It's a house where I born.
It's house where I die.
242
00:10:23,522 --> 00:10:24,956
[ Slurping ]
243
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:28,360
So is this, like,
your erection or mine?
244
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:30,362
I gotta confess
something, sweet tits.
245
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:32,230
I'm gonna die in 90 days.
246
00:10:32,231 --> 00:10:35,166
This Romania. I hope
I die in 90 days.
247
00:10:35,167 --> 00:10:37,003
-Okay.
-[ Both moaning ]
248
00:10:38,104 --> 00:10:40,171
Wow. I love the village life.
249
00:10:40,172 --> 00:10:43,775
Ooh, and look at those Slavic
hotties giving us the eyeball.
250
00:10:43,776 --> 00:10:45,310
[ Sultry Romanian accent
] Oooh, hello, Greenie!
251
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,945
Well, too bad you're spoken for.
252
00:10:46,946 --> 00:10:48,380
You wanna be my wingman?
253
00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:51,282
Buckethead! "Romanian Bar"...
That sound like accent.
254
00:10:51,283 --> 00:10:53,485
I'm so excited for this wedding.
255
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,387
Should we have
invited our parents?
256
00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:57,022
That seems like an oversight.
257
00:10:57,023 --> 00:10:59,524
[ Slurping ]
258
00:10:59,525 --> 00:11:01,359
Are we still at the bar?
259
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:02,927
I feel a lot of tongues.
260
00:11:02,928 --> 00:11:04,329
Are we at a petting zoo?
261
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:06,097
Shut up! Just keep
that bucket on.
262
00:11:06,098 --> 00:11:08,967
Do you, Meal ticket,
take this woman
263
00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:11,636
to be your legally
wedded USA wife?
264
00:11:11,637 --> 00:11:13,905
-I do, babe.
-And do you,
265
00:11:13,906 --> 00:11:16,641
Jordache Alucard
Chow-cheff-skew,
266
00:11:16,642 --> 00:11:18,176
take this man...
-Oooh, hello, baby.
267
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:20,512
Hey, it's the three ladies
who took us to the petting zoo
268
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,147
last night!
-Petting zoo?
269
00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:25,583
I am familiar with
American euphemisms.
270
00:11:25,584 --> 00:11:26,951
Cheating dog! Stab stab!
271
00:11:26,952 --> 00:11:28,319
[ Screams ]
272
00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:31,890
Jamesdean Keanu-Wolverine! No!
273
00:11:31,891 --> 00:11:34,459
[ Coughing ]
Better to burn out
274
00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:36,061
than fade away.
275
00:11:36,062 --> 00:11:37,930
Keep on ro...
276
00:11:40,833 --> 00:11:43,201
That... That was so cool.
277
00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:46,004
Say, don't people usually poop
their pants when they die?
278
00:11:46,005 --> 00:11:47,338
[ Spluttering, farting ]
279
00:11:47,339 --> 00:11:49,407
Oh, there it is.
280
00:11:49,408 --> 00:11:51,810
This week on "This
Came Out of Me".
281
00:11:51,811 --> 00:11:53,278
This came out of me.
282
00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:55,180
That's a baby, ma'am.
283
00:11:55,181 --> 00:11:57,882
-[ Baby whimpers ]
-Should I put it back in?
284
00:11:57,883 --> 00:11:59,617
Hey, everybody. Guy Fieri...
285
00:11:59,618 --> 00:12:02,253
not Fury, not Fi-ally,
not Gus Ferrari.
286
00:12:02,254 --> 00:12:04,355
We're rolling out to
find the greatest diners,
287
00:12:04,356 --> 00:12:05,757
drive-ins, and dives.
288
00:12:05,758 --> 00:12:08,126
Today, we're checking
out Gargamel's Hate House
289
00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:10,895
off exit 13 of the
New Jersey Turnpike.
290
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:15,366
Okay, first impressions?
Absolutely zero customers.
291
00:12:15,367 --> 00:12:17,902
I'm met the owner to get
the lowdown on the showdown.
292
00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:20,638
There's no foot traffic
in the middle of a forest.
293
00:12:20,639 --> 00:12:24,743
Plus, everyone in the village
says I'm an evil wizard. Blegh.
294
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,077
[ Meows ]
-Oh, right.
295
00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:27,445
The unpaid parking tickets.
296
00:12:27,446 --> 00:12:29,714
I kind of turned the mayor
into a frog about it.
297
00:12:29,715 --> 00:12:32,484
Um, does that cat
understand English?
298
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:34,853
-Barely.
-But things change quite a bit
299
00:12:34,854 --> 00:12:36,387
when I tried the
house specialty,
300
00:12:36,388 --> 00:12:38,891
Chef Gargamel's
famous Smurf Pie.
301
00:12:41,393 --> 00:12:45,063
The crust is super flaky.
The vanilla, the pine nuts.
302
00:12:45,064 --> 00:12:47,665
And wow, there's, like,
this little savory pork
303
00:12:47,666 --> 00:12:49,634
that melts in your
mouth right at the end.
304
00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:51,236
What is that?
-[ Shouts ]
305
00:12:51,237 --> 00:12:54,139
-That's the Smurf.
-What is a Smurf?
306
00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:56,074
Oh, it's just local
woodland creature
307
00:12:56,075 --> 00:12:57,375
indigenous to these parts,
308
00:12:57,376 --> 00:13:00,545
which I sometimes hunt
for food and sport.
309
00:13:00,546 --> 00:13:02,047
Help us, help us, help us!
310
00:13:04,683 --> 00:13:06,050
Alright, Chef, you gotta
walk me through it.
311
00:13:06,051 --> 00:13:08,353
Is it line caught or net
caught? What is the yield?
312
00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:11,256
Is it boiled or baked? Is
it brined or marinated?
313
00:13:11,257 --> 00:13:15,126
The flavor is rocking the house.
-Thank you, Guy Fieri.
314
00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:18,696
[ Sniffs ] You truly
live up to the legends.
315
00:13:18,697 --> 00:13:20,398
Say, Guy, would you like to...
316
00:13:20,399 --> 00:13:22,901
Would you care to go on
a grocery run with me?
317
00:13:22,902 --> 00:13:23,902
Yes.
318
00:13:23,903 --> 00:13:25,436
Run!
319
00:13:25,437 --> 00:13:26,971
[ Tires screeching ]
320
00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:29,440
[ Smurfs screaming ]
321
00:13:29,441 --> 00:13:30,943
-Oh, yeah!
-Whoo-hoo!
322
00:13:34,013 --> 00:13:36,014
Hark! I am Crab Woman!
323
00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:37,749
I am in trouble.
324
00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:39,918
You see, I accidentally
opened my briefcase
325
00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:41,853
full of crabs,
which are my babies,
326
00:13:41,854 --> 00:13:43,822
and they all scurried away.
327
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:46,291
I fear they've been
caught and eaten.
328
00:13:46,292 --> 00:13:47,592
I am Crab Woman!
329
00:13:47,593 --> 00:13:49,761
We'll help you get
all of your crabs.
330
00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:51,196
[ Stammers ] For
you, of course.
331
00:13:51,197 --> 00:13:52,630
Oh, thank you!
332
00:13:52,631 --> 00:13:55,433
Now let's sail around
aimlessly searching for them.
333
00:13:55,434 --> 00:13:58,770
Search aimlessly?
No way. I'm out.
334
00:13:58,771 --> 00:13:59,771
[ Water splashes ]
-Sorry.
335
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:01,372
Jake's just being "crabby".
336
00:14:01,373 --> 00:14:03,875
I like that about
him. [ Laughs ]
337
00:14:03,876 --> 00:14:05,243
Whoopsie!
338
00:14:05,244 --> 00:14:07,912
-Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
-Oh! The crabs got all over you.
339
00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:11,082
I will crab-solutely
brush them off.
340
00:14:11,083 --> 00:14:13,017
Clamp! I know it was you
341
00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:14,552
who's been killing
my crab babies.
342
00:14:14,553 --> 00:14:16,821
Now you're going to pay!
343
00:14:16,822 --> 00:14:18,456
Ah! Crab BJ!
344
00:14:18,457 --> 00:14:20,525
Surprise! [ Cackles ]
345
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:24,629
I guess you could say I
was your deadliest catch.
346
00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:25,864
[ Laughs ]
347
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,466
{\an8}And so the legend of
Crab Woman is born.
348
00:14:28,467 --> 00:14:30,735
{\an8}I am Crab Woman!
349
00:14:30,736 --> 00:14:32,003
What do you want me to do?
350
00:14:32,004 --> 00:14:34,005
Say your name and what
your addiction is.
351
00:14:34,006 --> 00:14:35,506
-[ Shouts ] What?
-[ Loudly ] Say your name
352
00:14:35,507 --> 00:14:37,008
and what your addiction is.
353
00:14:37,009 --> 00:14:39,477
[ Loudly ] Okay.
My name is Larry,
354
00:14:39,478 --> 00:14:45,351
and I'm addicted to...
foghorns! [ Foghorn blares ]
355
00:14:46,585 --> 00:14:49,755
Foghorns! [
Blaring continues ]
356
00:14:51,523 --> 00:14:52,991
Fo...
357
00:14:52,992 --> 00:14:54,859
Heads up, gang. That
greedy hotel owner
358
00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:57,095
says the ghost looks like
a guy in a gorilla suit
359
00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:59,998
with a frying pan on his head.
-[ Both grunt ]
360
00:14:59,999 --> 00:15:02,700
Jinkies! The Ghost
Adventures crew.
361
00:15:02,701 --> 00:15:05,103
Does that, like, mean
there's, like, a real ghost?
362
00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:07,105
-[ Teeth chattering ]
-Don't worry, buddy,
363
00:15:07,106 --> 00:15:09,774
you just need to let them
know that we come in peace.
364
00:15:09,775 --> 00:15:13,978
[ Shouts ] Oh spirits,
be not afraid!
365
00:15:13,979 --> 00:15:16,614
I'm sure it can all be
explained with science.
366
00:15:16,615 --> 00:15:19,117
Oh, it's a ghost.
And we'll prove it.
367
00:15:19,118 --> 00:15:20,386
Nerds!
368
00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:23,154
[ Zak-ometer beeping ] Oh,
check out th... Nah-uh.
369
00:15:23,155 --> 00:15:25,490
[ Grunting ]
370
00:15:25,491 --> 00:15:27,293
[ Beeping continues ]
371
00:15:29,161 --> 00:15:32,964
[ Alarm blaring ]
-Uh-oh! Everybody out!
372
00:15:32,965 --> 00:15:34,899
Well, gang, we cracked it.
373
00:15:34,900 --> 00:15:37,468
A carbon monoxide leak
was making people believe
374
00:15:37,469 --> 00:15:40,171
this old place was haunted.
-If it was a gas leak,
375
00:15:40,172 --> 00:15:42,607
why is the Zak-ometer
going crazy?
376
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,909
Like, maybe it's smelling
your Taco Bell farts
377
00:15:44,910 --> 00:15:46,611
like the rest of us.
378
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,446
I think something dark
is inside that place,
379
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:51,516
and I won't leave until
I find out what it is.
380
00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:53,885
Come on, Scoob, like,
what's the holdup?
381
00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,553
I'll tell you what
the holdup is.
382
00:15:55,554 --> 00:15:58,423
Scoob is a Ghost Adventurer now!
383
00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:01,292
Reah! Ri'm ra Rost
Radventurer row.
384
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,294
-Huh?
-No, Scooby.
385
00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:04,796
That son of a bitch.
386
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:08,767
Like, man, that place is
still full of carbon monoxide.
387
00:16:09,868 --> 00:16:11,569
[ Romantic instrumental
music plays ]
388
00:16:11,570 --> 00:16:19,570
{\an8}♪
389
00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:24,516
-Oui.
-Oui.
390
00:16:26,018 --> 00:16:27,285
[ People shouting ]
391
00:16:27,286 --> 00:16:28,953
Oh, no!
392
00:16:28,954 --> 00:16:30,054
[ Music continues ]
393
00:16:30,055 --> 00:16:31,890
Help us!
394
00:16:34,126 --> 00:16:35,960
-Oui.
-Oui.
395
00:16:35,961 --> 00:16:37,362
Baguette.
396
00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:38,696
[ Groans ]
397
00:16:38,697 --> 00:16:46,697
{\an8}♪
398
00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:49,441
[ People shouting ]
399
00:16:52,277 --> 00:16:54,145
[ Botched French ]
Ceci est de I'art.
400
00:16:54,146 --> 00:16:55,814
Oui.
401
00:16:57,116 --> 00:16:58,649
[ Smooches ]
402
00:16:58,650 --> 00:17:06,650
{\an8}♪
403
00:17:07,993 --> 00:17:09,962
Oui. [ Water splashes ]
404
00:17:11,096 --> 00:17:13,665
Oui. [ Water splashes ]
405
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:22,774
I sense you're trying to
contact a departed loved one.
406
00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:24,942
-Yes.
-I'm getting the letter T.
407
00:17:24,943 --> 00:17:28,613
Wow, you are good.
He was a tumor. See?
408
00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:32,016
Oh, my gawd, you brought
the body with you.
409
00:17:32,017 --> 00:17:35,053
I've never done of
reading this fresh before.
410
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:38,689
[ Gasps ] Oh, I'm
getting... I'm... uh...
411
00:17:38,690 --> 00:17:41,526
I'm, ugh, getting the... ugh...
412
00:17:41,527 --> 00:17:43,528
Oh. He's getting worked
up about something, honey.
413
00:17:43,529 --> 00:17:46,364
I gotta break contact,
otherwise he might...
414
00:17:46,365 --> 00:17:48,733
[ Stammering ]
415
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,868
Uh, Mrs. Medium?
416
00:17:50,869 --> 00:17:53,004
[ Jamesdean's voice ] Wazzup!
417
00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:56,441
-Jamesdean? Is that you?
-You jabroni!
418
00:17:56,442 --> 00:17:58,376
You got me stabbed
at my own wedding!
419
00:17:58,377 --> 00:17:59,577
I'm gonna kill you!
420
00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:01,412
Ahhh!
421
00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:03,314
Hi, I'm Zak Bagans.
422
00:18:03,315 --> 00:18:05,349
Rand Ri'm Rooby Raggins.
423
00:18:05,350 --> 00:18:07,485
Ruh-ro! Ret's ret routta rere!
424
00:18:07,486 --> 00:18:09,087
[ Screams ]
425
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:12,123
Oh, that does it! No
more reality shows!
426
00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:13,958
You'll never see me again!
427
00:18:13,959 --> 00:18:15,760
My brother thinks he's safe,
428
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:19,964
but I'll sip his steaming blood
from his hollowed-out skull.
429
00:18:19,965 --> 00:18:23,434
Next time on Staten
Island Medium.
430
00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:27,271
Moonshiners, I come
from the Moon Kingdom.
431
00:18:27,272 --> 00:18:30,341
You are destined to protect
this realm from evil.
432
00:18:30,342 --> 00:18:32,610
Now hurry. Put these on.
-Well, shoot.
433
00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,812
I ain't one to question
a talking raccoon.
434
00:18:34,813 --> 00:18:36,314
Moonshine-rific!
435
00:18:36,315 --> 00:18:39,417
Whoo! Does this tickle
your pickle, too?
436
00:18:39,418 --> 00:18:40,785
Whoa!
437
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:43,054
Well, damn, we look great.
438
00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:45,022
Whelp, time to save the world.
439
00:18:45,023 --> 00:18:48,493
Yes! Eat from my
never-ending pies.
440
00:18:48,494 --> 00:18:51,496
All your energy shall be mine!
441
00:18:51,497 --> 00:18:52,864
[ Laughs evilly ]
442
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:56,734
We come to thwart your evil
doing, scary sexy lady!
443
00:18:56,735 --> 00:18:58,870
Why can't I steal your energy?
444
00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:01,172
It's like there's a
force protecting it.
445
00:19:01,173 --> 00:19:02,907
Moonshine's a depressant.
446
00:19:02,908 --> 00:19:05,710
Our senses have been
dulled for years.
447
00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:08,813
[ Both ] In the name of the
moonshine, we'll punish you!
448
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:11,349
I don't have a catchphrase!
449
00:19:11,350 --> 00:19:16,187
-[ All slurping ]
-Curse you, Sailor Moonshiners!
450
00:19:16,188 --> 00:19:18,289
-Up top!
-Slap this thing!
451
00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:22,026
Oh, no, I think I ripped
my space overalls.
452
00:19:22,027 --> 00:19:23,761
Hey, kid, what'll it be?
453
00:19:23,762 --> 00:19:26,764
Give me a strawberry
moonshine. Large.
454
00:19:26,765 --> 00:19:28,199
Welcome to Alaska, stranger.
455
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,967
What reality show are you on?
456
00:19:29,968 --> 00:19:31,102
Reality show?
457
00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:32,503
Everyone in this town,
458
00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:35,640
heck, most everyone in
Alaska has a docu-series
459
00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:37,742
on the Discovery Channel.
460
00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:40,478
We got Shawn Pomeranke
from "Bering Sea Gold",
461
00:19:40,479 --> 00:19:43,247
Todd Hoffman from
"Hoffman Family Gold",
462
00:19:43,248 --> 00:19:45,716
Marty Raney from
"Homestead Rescue"...
463
00:19:45,717 --> 00:19:47,451
not sure if there's
gold in that one...
464
00:19:47,452 --> 00:19:50,488
Jonathan Hillstrand
from "Deadliest Catch",
465
00:19:50,489 --> 00:19:53,691
"The Alaska Killer Bigfoot", I could go on...
-Hey, now!
466
00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:55,660
I'm just here to
get off the grid,
467
00:19:55,661 --> 00:19:59,363
build my own shelter, hunt my
own food, and face the elements.
468
00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:03,000
-Oh, they're gonna love you.
-Excuse me, sir.
469
00:20:03,001 --> 00:20:04,502
Are you 600 pounds or more?
470
00:20:04,503 --> 00:20:05,903
Do you build your own
shelter in a remote area?
471
00:20:05,904 --> 00:20:08,039
No, no, no, thank you.
472
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:11,777
No! No! No! No more reality TV!
473
00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:15,813
Oh, thank God, I
think I lost them.
474
00:20:15,814 --> 00:20:17,915
Hah, you know, the
great thing about Alaska
475
00:20:17,916 --> 00:20:20,184
is making a
snowman. [ Screams ]
476
00:20:20,185 --> 00:20:21,852
Welcome back to
Staten Island Medium.
477
00:20:21,853 --> 00:20:24,021
In this episode, I
predict your death.
478
00:20:24,022 --> 00:20:27,425
You forgot one thing, Evil Twin.
479
00:20:27,426 --> 00:20:30,361
The power of callbacks!
480
00:20:30,362 --> 00:20:33,097
Are you ready for
your Benediction?
481
00:20:33,098 --> 00:20:34,865
[ Jamesdean and Medium ] Whoa! Be still
my wiener. Whoa! Be still my vagina.
482
00:20:34,866 --> 00:20:37,101
[ Both ] Is that naked
Benedict Cumberbatch?
483
00:20:37,102 --> 00:20:40,304
Let's get cumbersome.
484
00:20:40,305 --> 00:20:41,472
-Fire it up!
-Hello!
485
00:20:41,473 --> 00:20:45,276
-Yee-haw!
-If anyone asks, I'm 5'5".
486
00:20:45,277 --> 00:20:47,578
Well done, my brother.
487
00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:50,414
But you forgot
something as well.
488
00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:55,019
-Oh, yeah? What?
-It's Shark Week!
489
00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:56,621
[ Laughs evilly ]
490
00:20:56,622 --> 00:20:59,123
-Oh, my God!
-[ Shark roaring ]
491
00:20:59,124 --> 00:21:01,525
I hate sharks! I mean, not
as much as I hate eggs,
492
00:21:01,526 --> 00:21:03,128
but I hate... Ow!
493
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:07,565
Good job, Tickle.
494
00:21:07,566 --> 00:21:09,735
Outsmarted by a god dang shark!
-[ Screaming ]
495
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:13,372
Oh, everybody died.
Wow, thanks, guys.
496
00:21:15,574 --> 00:21:18,342
See you in hell, baby.
[ Laughs evilly ]
497
00:21:18,343 --> 00:21:20,945
Noooo! I don't wanna die!
498
00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:23,848
[ Gasping, panting ] Huh?
I'm back at the foot doctor?
499
00:21:23,849 --> 00:21:25,016
I've never seen anyone faint
500
00:21:25,017 --> 00:21:26,617
from the topical
anesthetic before.
501
00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:28,986
Oh, I just had the
weirdest dream.
502
00:21:28,987 --> 00:21:31,389
You were there, and...
503
00:21:31,390 --> 00:21:36,360
{\an8}Well, anyway, it was a real
quest of self-discovery.
504
00:21:36,361 --> 00:21:38,496
{\an8}[ Cheers and applause ]
505
00:21:38,497 --> 00:21:39,830
Hey, where's my brother?
506
00:21:39,831 --> 00:21:41,499
Brother? [ Laughs ]
507
00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:44,168
You have what we
call an ingrown hair.
508
00:21:44,169 --> 00:21:45,269
And pull!
509
00:21:45,270 --> 00:21:48,472
Oh, my God. Ohhhhhh!
510
00:21:48,473 --> 00:21:50,474
-[ Chuckles ]
-Oh, my God.
511
00:21:50,475 --> 00:21:54,979
{\an8}-Oooh! It's long one.
-Oh, my God, stop it!
512
00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:58,049
{\an8}-Oooh!
-What is happening?!
513
00:21:58,050 --> 00:21:59,583
{\an8}Keeps on coming.
514
00:21:59,584 --> 00:22:04,255
{\an8}Ah, oh, my God.
-Ooh, ooh, ooh, ahh.
515
00:22:04,256 --> 00:22:07,058
{\an8}Annnnd... pop!
516
00:22:07,059 --> 00:22:09,427
Ah, that... that was so gross.
517
00:22:09,428 --> 00:22:11,629
You wanna see
something really gross?
518
00:22:11,630 --> 00:22:12,930
-Uh, no.
-Ah!
519
00:22:12,931 --> 00:22:14,766
[ Screams ]
520
00:22:16,268 --> 00:22:18,269
-[ Monkey grunting ]
-Stoopid Monkey.
521
00:22:18,270 --> 00:22:20,706
[ Screaming ]