1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE
www.osdb.link/lm
2
00:02:50,018 --> 00:02:53,420
RUSTY [ON PA]: Well, ladies and gentlemen,
this is your captain, Rusty Griswold.
3
00:02:53,578 --> 00:02:57,185
Hope you've enjoyed your 18-minute
flight from South Bend.
4
00:02:57,338 --> 00:03:00,660
RUSTY: We'll be touching down at Chicago's
Midway very shortly.
5
00:03:00,818 --> 00:03:03,219
We'd like to thank you for flying
with us today...
6
00:03:03,378 --> 00:03:07,144
...because at Econo Air, we're working
hard to win back your trust.
7
00:03:07,778 --> 00:03:11,339
- Harry, you mind taking over while I hit the lav?
- Sure thing, Rusty.
8
00:03:11,498 --> 00:03:12,909
Thank you very much.
9
00:03:15,698 --> 00:03:17,348
- Oh, and Rusty.
- Mm-hm.
10
00:03:17,578 --> 00:03:21,742
I wanna thank you for going to bat
for me last week.
11
00:03:21,898 --> 00:03:23,138
I was happy to do it.
12
00:03:23,298 --> 00:03:26,620
Just because corporate says
you're too old to fly doesn't make it true.
13
00:03:26,778 --> 00:03:28,860
You're more qualified than us younger guys.
14
00:03:29,018 --> 00:03:31,259
- Means a lot to me.
- Sure thing.
15
00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:33,018
- Oh, and Rusty.
- Mm-hm.
16
00:03:33,218 --> 00:03:37,860
I wanna thank you for going to bat
for me last week.
17
00:03:38,058 --> 00:03:39,423
Yeah.
18
00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:42,188
You bet.
19
00:03:43,178 --> 00:03:45,579
BOY:
Dad, is that the pilot?
20
00:03:45,738 --> 00:03:46,864
It sure is.
21
00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:49,464
- He just came from the cockpit.
- Whoa.
22
00:03:53,218 --> 00:03:54,822
- Hey there, little guy.
- Hi.
23
00:03:54,978 --> 00:03:56,707
Is this your first time on a plane?
24
00:03:56,858 --> 00:03:58,223
We were planning on driving...
25
00:03:58,378 --> 00:04:01,621
...but, uh, Tyler here has been begging us
to go on his first airplane.
26
00:04:01,778 --> 00:04:02,904
- Oh, is that right?
TYLER: Uh-huh.
27
00:04:03,058 --> 00:04:05,789
Do you think I can be a pilot
when I grow up?
28
00:04:05,938 --> 00:04:07,781
Heh. Yeah, well, I don't see why not.
29
00:04:07,938 --> 00:04:11,499
You just have to study hard
and listen to your parents, all right?
30
00:04:11,698 --> 00:04:13,780
[PLANE RUMBLES, THEN ALL GASP]
31
00:04:14,698 --> 00:04:16,268
- Okay, heh.
- Sorry about that.
32
00:04:16,418 --> 00:04:18,227
- Little bit of rough air.
- It's okay.
33
00:04:18,378 --> 00:04:19,459
Yeah, yeah.
34
00:04:19,618 --> 00:04:21,143
Don't worry about it, heh.
35
00:04:22,138 --> 00:04:24,345
Hey, we call that "turbulence," all right?
36
00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:26,023
That's when the plane passes...
37
00:04:26,218 --> 00:04:28,141
[PLANE THUDDING, THEN ALL GASPING]
38
00:04:30,658 --> 00:04:32,069
[COUGHS]
39
00:04:32,578 --> 00:04:33,909
So sorry.
40
00:04:34,058 --> 00:04:36,584
Okay, you folks enjoy the
rest of your flight.
41
00:04:41,218 --> 00:04:42,265
Let me give you a hand.
42
00:04:42,418 --> 00:04:45,660
Can you please stay the fuck away from us?
43
00:04:45,857 --> 00:04:47,586
[ALARMS WAILING]
44
00:04:49,737 --> 00:04:53,025
Harry, you took us up to 60,000 feet.
What are you doing?
45
00:04:53,177 --> 00:04:54,258
Oh, Rusty.
46
00:04:54,417 --> 00:04:58,217
I wanna thank you for going to bat
for me last week.
47
00:05:12,057 --> 00:05:15,778
Or the time that Pan Continental put us up
at the Ritz in Barcelona.
48
00:05:15,937 --> 00:05:18,668
You know, I'll tell you one thing
about the Spanish women:
49
00:05:18,817 --> 00:05:21,218
- They, uh, love them some airline pilots.
- Heh. They do.
50
00:05:21,377 --> 00:05:23,698
I never took the uniform off,
except when I did.
51
00:05:23,897 --> 00:05:25,706
[ALL CHUCKLING]
52
00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:36,503
Ladies.
53
00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:43,305
All full.
You have to wait for the next one.
54
00:05:43,457 --> 00:05:45,027
- But I was...
- You were what?
55
00:05:47,297 --> 00:05:48,662
I'll catch the next one.
56
00:05:48,817 --> 00:05:50,899
See you around, Econo Air.
57
00:06:07,818 --> 00:06:09,468
JAMES: The third time this month.
DEBBIE: I know.
58
00:06:09,618 --> 00:06:11,905
Do something about him.
He's always picking on me.
59
00:06:12,058 --> 00:06:15,062
I know he is. I'm so sorry, honey. Hey.
60
00:06:15,258 --> 00:06:17,386
- Hi. What's going on here?
- You'll see.
61
00:06:17,538 --> 00:06:19,745
Kevin, get down here, please.
62
00:06:19,898 --> 00:06:22,822
- Look what he did to my guitar.
RUSTY: Aw. Again?
63
00:06:22,978 --> 00:06:25,345
God. You told Mom and Dad?
64
00:06:25,498 --> 00:06:26,863
You have such a vagina.
65
00:06:27,058 --> 00:06:28,867
Okay, enough, enough. Now, young man...
66
00:06:29,058 --> 00:06:31,538
...we talked about the bullying
of your older brother.
67
00:06:31,698 --> 00:06:35,225
That's right. We don't make fun of
someone just because they're different.
68
00:06:35,578 --> 00:06:38,184
- I don't have a vagina.
- I'm just saying, if you did...
69
00:06:38,338 --> 00:06:41,342
...it wouldn't be okay for Kevin
to tease you about your vagina.
70
00:06:41,498 --> 00:06:43,819
Why are you making it sound
like I have a vagina?
71
00:06:43,978 --> 00:06:46,709
I know you don't have a vagina.
I'm not doing that.
72
00:06:46,858 --> 00:06:50,544
- Kevin, apologize to your brother, please.
- Fine. I'm sorry.
73
00:06:50,698 --> 00:06:51,779
Now go to your room.
74
00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:54,424
Ah. I was in my fucking room.
75
00:06:54,578 --> 00:06:57,741
- Whoa, hey, Kevin? Get back down here.
- Ah.
76
00:06:59,418 --> 00:07:00,465
Now listen.
77
00:07:01,458 --> 00:07:03,825
There are a lot of boys who are born
with vaginas.
78
00:07:03,978 --> 00:07:05,264
It's very hard for them.
79
00:07:05,418 --> 00:07:08,422
- Honey. Why?
- It's a teachable moment, hon.
80
00:07:08,578 --> 00:07:11,422
Gender fluidity, right?
It's a very serious issue.
81
00:07:11,578 --> 00:07:14,104
- I'm not gender-fluid.
- It doesn't matter if you are.
82
00:07:14,258 --> 00:07:16,579
The point is
your mom and I would love you...
83
00:07:16,738 --> 00:07:18,945
...even if you were completely blank
down there.
84
00:07:19,098 --> 00:07:21,021
DEBBIE:
Okay, this is not the point.
85
00:07:21,178 --> 00:07:22,589
Kevin, just go to your room.
86
00:07:24,658 --> 00:07:27,138
Hey, James, don't get your
gender fluid on me.
87
00:07:27,298 --> 00:07:29,062
- Awesome.
DEBBIE: Stop. It's not a fluid.
88
00:07:29,218 --> 00:07:30,868
And what about my guitar?
89
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:32,508
It's ruined.
90
00:07:32,938 --> 00:07:34,303
Let me have a look.
91
00:07:42,818 --> 00:07:44,388
There you go. That'll do for now.
92
00:07:44,538 --> 00:07:47,302
Now get washed up. The Petersons
are coming over for dinner.
93
00:07:48,337 --> 00:07:49,418
Okay, baby.
94
00:07:51,177 --> 00:07:54,420
Oh, gosh. I'll get you a new guitar, okay?
95
00:07:54,577 --> 00:07:57,740
- Oh, use the Vitamix. The dry bit.
- Just grind it. Yeah.
96
00:07:59,217 --> 00:08:00,503
Sheila.
97
00:08:01,217 --> 00:08:03,457
- So do you have to work tomorrow?
JAMES: So, um, Sheila.
98
00:08:03,537 --> 00:08:06,347
- I want to go to the movies with my friends.
- Sheila.
99
00:08:06,497 --> 00:08:09,103
- What?
- Do you like school this year?
100
00:08:09,257 --> 00:08:10,304
It's okay.
101
00:08:10,497 --> 00:08:12,818
[IN LOW VOICE WITH LISP]
"So do you like school this year?"
102
00:08:12,977 --> 00:08:15,708
[IN NORMAL VOICE] That's seriously
what you sound like. Just shut up.
103
00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:21,299
God, I'm telling you, Russ,
you've gotta get one of these go-kart kits.
104
00:08:21,457 --> 00:08:22,504
- What?
- Oh, yeah.
105
00:08:22,657 --> 00:08:25,183
Gary and I spent the last two months
building this.
106
00:08:25,697 --> 00:08:28,507
We took her out this morning
for the first time.
107
00:08:28,657 --> 00:08:30,625
Holy moly.
108
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:34,499
- Fun?
- No, no, it was terrible. Oh, yeah, it was fun.
109
00:08:34,697 --> 00:08:35,778
[BOTH LAUGHING]
110
00:08:36,017 --> 00:08:37,382
Hot damn, it's a go-kart.
111
00:08:37,937 --> 00:08:39,746
G-man, get over here.
112
00:08:39,937 --> 00:08:41,939
- G-man, G-man, G-man.
- Uh-oh.
113
00:08:42,097 --> 00:08:44,179
Oh, my God, my G-man. I love him.
114
00:08:44,617 --> 00:08:46,187
Get in there. What?
115
00:08:47,137 --> 00:08:49,060
What? What?
Get in there. Get in there.
116
00:08:49,257 --> 00:08:51,259
[GIBBERING AND LAUGHING]
117
00:08:51,457 --> 00:08:53,903
Oh, man. I love you so much.
118
00:08:54,377 --> 00:08:56,983
Tell Mr. Griswold how dope our go-kart is.
119
00:08:57,137 --> 00:09:01,142
It's got a Zanardi chassis and
a four-stroke Briggs & Stratton engine.
120
00:09:01,337 --> 00:09:04,500
- Wow, and you guys built this together?
- We worked on it every day...
121
00:09:04,657 --> 00:09:08,025
...after homework and toothbrushing.
I love... Get over here, man.
122
00:09:10,097 --> 00:09:12,259
Work it, Sugar Ray. Come on, Sugar Ray.
123
00:09:12,417 --> 00:09:14,306
He's working me over.
124
00:09:14,697 --> 00:09:16,267
I'm gonna eat your face!
125
00:09:16,417 --> 00:09:17,782
Kevin, James, get over here.
126
00:09:17,977 --> 00:09:19,024
No.
127
00:09:19,857 --> 00:09:22,542
Come on, heh.
Oh, there you are.
128
00:09:22,777 --> 00:09:24,427
[LAUGHING]
129
00:09:24,617 --> 00:09:27,461
- Dad, stop. What are you doing?
- Come on, man, we're sparring.
130
00:09:27,657 --> 00:09:30,388
- We do this all the time.
- No. We never do this.
131
00:09:30,577 --> 00:09:33,979
- Hey, don't hit your old man.
- I don't wanna be a part of this.
132
00:09:36,897 --> 00:09:38,422
What are you doing?!
133
00:09:38,577 --> 00:09:40,500
- This is how accidents happen.
- Sacrifice!
134
00:09:40,657 --> 00:09:43,547
Dad, let go of me. Stop.
Why did you do that?
135
00:09:45,257 --> 00:09:47,658
I'm sorry, man. Come on.
I was just fooling around.
136
00:09:47,817 --> 00:09:49,546
- That wasn't fun.
- Like we always do.
137
00:09:49,697 --> 00:09:51,108
JAMES:
We never do that.
138
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:54,101
Hey, what do you say
you and I build a go-kart together?
139
00:09:54,777 --> 00:09:55,983
If we have to.
140
00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:58,663
Yeah, all right, G-man, heh!
141
00:09:58,817 --> 00:10:01,058
Get out of here. Get out of here, G-man.
142
00:10:01,257 --> 00:10:02,702
[CHUCKLES]
143
00:10:02,937 --> 00:10:05,224
Did you just steal my son's nickname?
144
00:10:10,857 --> 00:10:13,224
I'm not sure about... Oh, shoot. Dang it.
145
00:10:13,377 --> 00:10:16,859
Wow, your ring is getting loose,
there, Deb. Are you losing weight?
146
00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:19,099
Yeah. I am. You know what I've been doing?
147
00:10:19,257 --> 00:10:20,304
Spinning.
148
00:10:20,497 --> 00:10:22,864
Yeah, it's a great stress reliever.
149
00:10:23,017 --> 00:10:25,702
I'm gonna tell you what's
an even greater stress reliever.
150
00:10:25,857 --> 00:10:27,666
And that is a week in Paris.
151
00:10:27,817 --> 00:10:30,263
Oh, my gosh! I saw that on Instagram.
152
00:10:30,417 --> 00:10:31,907
All your pictures were so great.
153
00:10:32,097 --> 00:10:33,337
- So you did see them.
- Yeah.
154
00:10:33,497 --> 00:10:36,785
Funny, because I was gonna ask
how come you didn't like any of them.
155
00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:38,621
What do you mean? I just said I did.
156
00:10:38,777 --> 00:10:41,747
All my other friends, uh, who saw my
Paris pics, they clicked "like."
157
00:10:41,937 --> 00:10:44,702
You were the only one who
didn't click "like."
158
00:10:44,897 --> 00:10:48,663
Oh. I guess I just didn't get around
to actually clicking "like" on them.
159
00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:51,541
Okay, because look at this one.
Now, in this one we have...
160
00:10:51,736 --> 00:10:53,943
...Sheila and Gary wearing berets.
- I know.
161
00:10:54,096 --> 00:10:56,827
- Right?
- Heh. I like that one so much. It's so cute.
162
00:10:56,976 --> 00:10:59,024
- But you didn't "like" it.
- Okay.
163
00:10:59,176 --> 00:11:01,338
Here are the four of us
at the Arc de Triomphe.
164
00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:05,336
Didn't "like" that. Didn't "like" my children.
Didn't "like" my man kissing on me.
165
00:11:05,496 --> 00:11:09,103
I promise you the second you guys leave
I am gonna go upstairs online...
166
00:11:09,296 --> 00:11:11,981
...and I am gonna click "like"
on every single one of them.
167
00:11:12,176 --> 00:11:16,386
Honestly, honey, it really makes
no difference to me.
168
00:11:17,496 --> 00:11:20,466
So are you guys going anywhere
special this summer?
169
00:11:20,616 --> 00:11:22,618
No. I wish. Yeah. No.
170
00:11:22,776 --> 00:11:27,577
We are renting the same cabin that we've been
renting for 10 years in Cheboygan, Michigan.
171
00:11:27,776 --> 00:11:30,177
The boys call it "Che-boring," Michigan.
172
00:11:30,936 --> 00:11:33,746
- Isn't that funny?
NANCY: Why don't you just go someplace else?
173
00:11:33,896 --> 00:11:38,265
No, we can't. Rusty loves it so much. I'd break
his heart if I told him we hate the cabin.
174
00:11:38,416 --> 00:11:40,987
- Oh, boy. I understand.
- Yeah.
175
00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:44,625
I understand.
Well, you know what the good news is?
176
00:11:44,816 --> 00:11:45,897
Hmm?
177
00:11:46,096 --> 00:11:49,988
Honestly, even if you go there and you
don't have a great time, baby...
178
00:11:50,137 --> 00:11:53,539
...at least you know
that I will click "like" on all your photos.
179
00:11:53,697 --> 00:11:55,301
Jesus Christ, Nancy.
180
00:11:55,617 --> 00:11:56,664
MAN [ON TV]:
Look!
181
00:11:57,097 --> 00:11:58,303
Look!
182
00:11:58,657 --> 00:12:01,137
What the fuck is this?!
183
00:12:01,617 --> 00:12:02,664
Louie!
184
00:12:14,097 --> 00:12:15,826
What the fuck is this?! Hey, madam.
185
00:12:15,977 --> 00:12:19,618
How much capellini are you throwing away?!
186
00:12:19,777 --> 00:12:23,987
What are you doing, Melinda?!
What are you doing?!
187
00:12:49,457 --> 00:12:51,061
[CHILDREN SCREAMING ON COMPUTER]
188
00:12:59,377 --> 00:13:00,902
Guys, I have exciting news.
189
00:13:01,137 --> 00:13:02,184
James has AIDS?
190
00:13:02,337 --> 00:13:04,305
What? No. That's horrible.
191
00:13:04,497 --> 00:13:06,659
- I'd be excited.
- Well, what is it? What is it?
192
00:13:06,817 --> 00:13:09,582
- The four of us are gonna take a little trip.
- Paris.
193
00:13:09,737 --> 00:13:11,739
Hmm. No, much better.
194
00:13:11,897 --> 00:13:15,026
We're driving to Walley World.
195
00:13:15,217 --> 00:13:17,299
- What?
RUSTY: This family's in a rut.
196
00:13:17,457 --> 00:13:20,301
We gotta shake things up, right?
Spend a little quality time.
197
00:13:20,457 --> 00:13:23,586
It wouldn't hurt for the boys
to learn to get along a little better.
198
00:13:23,737 --> 00:13:26,138
- Uh, by locking them in a car together?
- Yeah.
199
00:13:26,297 --> 00:13:28,743
- This is some bullshit right here!
- Hey, language.
200
00:13:28,937 --> 00:13:31,941
Well, it is. I'm gonna miss the first
week of wrestling practice.
201
00:13:32,097 --> 00:13:34,179
We'll find a wrestling range
along the way, heh.
202
00:13:34,337 --> 00:13:35,748
That's not even a thing.
203
00:13:35,897 --> 00:13:39,060
And, Dad, no offense,
I just don't wanna do my first big road trip...
204
00:13:39,217 --> 00:13:41,140
...to some corporate theme park,
you know?
205
00:13:41,297 --> 00:13:46,986
I'd like to explore the real America,
like Jack Kerouac or the Merry Pranksters.
206
00:13:47,137 --> 00:13:49,299
- Don't say weird shit!
- Ah. Ow!
207
00:13:49,497 --> 00:13:51,101
Kevin, bullying! Guys, come on.
208
00:13:51,257 --> 00:13:54,499
My trip to Walley World when I was a kid
was the best time I ever had.
209
00:13:54,656 --> 00:13:58,706
So you just wanna redo your vacation
from 30 years ago?
210
00:13:58,856 --> 00:14:01,177
Don't you think that's gonna be
kind of a letdown?
211
00:14:01,336 --> 00:14:04,738
No, no, no. We're not redoing anything.
This will be completely different.
212
00:14:04,896 --> 00:14:09,220
For one thing, the original vacation had
a boy and a girl. This one has two boys.
213
00:14:09,376 --> 00:14:13,142
And I'm sure that there will be lots
of other differences.
214
00:14:13,296 --> 00:14:16,300
- I've never even heard of the original vacation.
- Doesn't matter.
215
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:19,460
The new vacation
will stand on its own, okay?
216
00:14:19,816 --> 00:14:20,863
Come on, honey.
217
00:14:21,016 --> 00:14:23,178
What do you say?
We can drive out and fly back.
218
00:14:24,296 --> 00:14:26,025
Oh, what the heck, heh.
219
00:14:26,176 --> 00:14:28,702
Couldn't be as bad as
that stupid cabin, right, honey?
220
00:14:28,856 --> 00:14:30,267
- That's the spirit.
- All right.
221
00:14:30,456 --> 00:14:32,060
Ugh. Fuck me.
222
00:14:32,216 --> 00:14:34,583
Are we gonna drive all that way
in your little car?
223
00:14:35,376 --> 00:14:36,741
Not exactly.
224
00:14:48,896 --> 00:14:52,139
Come on, guys, heh. How come you didn't
follow me just then?
225
00:14:52,296 --> 00:14:55,982
- Oh, you wanted us to?
- Yeah, that's why I dangled the key like that.
226
00:14:56,136 --> 00:14:57,786
- Oh, well...
- Why else would I...?
227
00:14:57,936 --> 00:14:59,779
You could've just said, "Come with me."
228
00:15:01,176 --> 00:15:02,905
Look what your dad rented.
229
00:15:03,816 --> 00:15:05,056
KEVIN:
What the hell is that?
230
00:15:05,216 --> 00:15:06,263
Kevin.
231
00:15:06,736 --> 00:15:10,138
- That's a 2015 Tartan Prancer.
- Did you say "Tartan," honey?
232
00:15:10,296 --> 00:15:12,185
Yeah. Tartan's the Honda of Albania.
233
00:15:12,376 --> 00:15:14,105
JAMES:
Why'd you get an Albanian car, Dad?
234
00:15:14,256 --> 00:15:16,463
Renting a family car
on Memorial Day weekend...
235
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:20,541
...doesn't leave you with a lot of options.
But this baby is pretty sweet.
236
00:15:20,696 --> 00:15:24,257
It's got all the latest Albanian technology.
Check it out. Plug-in hybrid.
237
00:15:24,416 --> 00:15:26,305
Oh, wow, eco-friendly. Good.
238
00:15:26,456 --> 00:15:31,417
So any time we run out of juice,
we can just pull right over, and plug in.
239
00:15:31,576 --> 00:15:33,465
I don't know what that is.
240
00:15:33,616 --> 00:15:35,664
Never seen an outlet for that, heh.
241
00:15:35,856 --> 00:15:37,142
Should it retract, or...?
242
00:15:37,296 --> 00:15:39,981
RUSTY: You would think
it would retract. It just...
243
00:15:40,136 --> 00:15:41,547
No, it doesn't.
244
00:15:41,736 --> 00:15:43,067
Cupholder?
245
00:15:43,216 --> 00:15:47,062
I think you coil it. You just coil it like that.
Right? Then you close it right up.
246
00:15:47,216 --> 00:15:49,139
Doesn't matter. Still got two gas tanks.
247
00:15:49,296 --> 00:15:51,663
- Why two?
- Carry twice as much gas.
248
00:15:51,816 --> 00:15:55,377
- Why not just have one big tank?
- It's twice the gas, buddy.
249
00:15:55,536 --> 00:15:57,379
Actually the same volume. Two small...
250
00:15:58,696 --> 00:16:00,186
It has six ashtrays.
251
00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:01,582
Six, wow.
252
00:16:01,736 --> 00:16:03,579
Hope you guys like smoking.
253
00:16:04,456 --> 00:16:06,220
- Right?
ALL: Yeah.
254
00:16:06,376 --> 00:16:08,265
What's with all the mirrors?
255
00:16:10,016 --> 00:16:11,063
Safer.
256
00:16:11,616 --> 00:16:12,947
But...
257
00:16:13,096 --> 00:16:16,737
Oh. And this is amazing. I can control
the entire car from the fob.
258
00:16:16,936 --> 00:16:19,940
JAMES: What do all the buttons mean?
- No clue. But we'll figure it out.
259
00:16:20,096 --> 00:16:22,337
Honey, is that a swastika on there?
260
00:16:22,496 --> 00:16:24,544
Yeah. We won't use that.
261
00:16:25,136 --> 00:16:26,342
This is my favorite part.
262
00:16:29,216 --> 00:16:30,980
- Slam the door on my arm.
- Heh. What?
263
00:16:31,136 --> 00:16:34,663
It has a sensor. It won't let you
slam the door on your arm or leg.
264
00:16:34,816 --> 00:16:37,626
- I'm not doing that.
- The rental guy showed me. Just do it.
265
00:16:37,776 --> 00:16:39,141
- Okay.
- Do it!
266
00:16:40,536 --> 00:16:41,947
- Do it.
- This is kind of fun.
267
00:16:42,096 --> 00:16:43,143
Slam it.
268
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:44,497
All right. There you go.
269
00:16:44,936 --> 00:16:46,267
- Oh! Oh!
- Oh, my God!
270
00:16:46,416 --> 00:16:47,906
- Oh, my gosh!
- Goddamn it!
271
00:16:48,096 --> 00:16:50,906
Oh, my God! Why did you have me do that?!
272
00:16:51,136 --> 00:16:53,138
[GROANING]
273
00:16:54,296 --> 00:16:56,218
Oh, I didn't have the sensor activated.
274
00:16:56,695 --> 00:16:58,106
- Okay.
- I'm an idiot.
275
00:16:58,255 --> 00:17:00,337
- Do it again.
- No, absolutely not.
276
00:17:00,495 --> 00:17:02,862
- It'll be fine. I just activated it.
- I won't do it.
277
00:17:03,015 --> 00:17:04,540
- Don't be chicken.
- Fine.
278
00:17:04,775 --> 00:17:06,345
[BOTH SCREAMING]
279
00:17:06,535 --> 00:17:08,503
- Shit!
- Heh.
280
00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:11,016
- Why did you do that?
- Really?
281
00:17:11,175 --> 00:17:12,415
You're right. I'm sorry, heh.
282
00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:16,256
- Ugh! Nobody slam their arm in the door.
- Can I slam it on James' balls?
283
00:17:16,455 --> 00:17:18,981
- You admit I have balls?
- They hang out of your vagina.
284
00:17:19,135 --> 00:17:21,217
- Stop that. Please.
- Plenty of time for that.
285
00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:24,225
- Go get packed. We're hitting the road today.
- Okay.
286
00:17:24,375 --> 00:17:26,855
Guess we're leaving today.
All right. Let's go, guys.
287
00:17:31,896 --> 00:17:33,307
Huh.
288
00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:42,426
Hey, honey. What's all that?
289
00:17:42,576 --> 00:17:44,783
Well, uh, this is my dream journal...
290
00:17:44,936 --> 00:17:46,267
...whimsy log...
291
00:17:46,416 --> 00:17:47,656
...wish diary...
292
00:17:47,816 --> 00:17:48,863
...my poems.
293
00:17:49,016 --> 00:17:53,977
And, uh, this bad boy is going to be a
stream-of-consciousness travel log, so...
294
00:17:54,656 --> 00:17:55,782
Yeah.
295
00:17:57,016 --> 00:18:00,179
Come on, honey. Every boy that age
has a stack of diaries.
296
00:18:00,376 --> 00:18:02,026
Okay, gang.
297
00:18:02,576 --> 00:18:04,578
Seat belts on.
298
00:18:05,416 --> 00:18:06,622
Two full tanks of gas.
299
00:18:06,776 --> 00:18:08,107
Honey, GPS check?
300
00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:09,582
Yes, yes. Roger that. Okay.
301
00:18:11,296 --> 00:18:14,618
COMPUTER:
Your destination is 2560 miles ahead.
302
00:18:14,776 --> 00:18:17,347
Walley World, here we come.
303
00:18:45,696 --> 00:18:47,300
[CAR BEEPING]
304
00:18:47,616 --> 00:18:49,106
RUSTY:
Well, we're almost out of gas.
305
00:18:49,816 --> 00:18:53,138
What? How is that possible?
We've been driving for less than an hour.
306
00:19:05,016 --> 00:19:07,098
Dad, what's so special about Walley World?
307
00:19:07,256 --> 00:19:09,941
I mean, we have plenty of
theme parks at home.
308
00:19:10,096 --> 00:19:15,057
Well, Walley World is home of
the one and only Velociraptor.
309
00:19:15,216 --> 00:19:16,980
What the hell is that?
310
00:19:17,136 --> 00:19:20,106
It's only the newest, scariest
roller coaster in the country.
311
00:19:20,296 --> 00:19:21,457
[GASPS]
312
00:19:21,656 --> 00:19:24,421
Four hundred and fifty feet tall,
110 miles an hour...
313
00:19:24,576 --> 00:19:26,738
...triple corkscrew loop.
314
00:19:27,336 --> 00:19:28,826
Yeah. Oh, hey, look at this.
315
00:19:28,976 --> 00:19:31,627
Looks like we got ourselves
a little old convoy.
316
00:19:31,776 --> 00:19:33,141
Let's say hi.
317
00:19:34,416 --> 00:19:38,182
- Oh, my goodness. It has a CB radio in it?
- Yeah, comes standard in all Prancers.
318
00:19:38,336 --> 00:19:40,179
- This way we can talk to truckers.
- Okay.
319
00:19:40,336 --> 00:19:42,816
Now, guys, you just have
to speak their lingo.
320
00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:45,781
I'm gonna ask him if there's any
police up ahead.
321
00:19:46,056 --> 00:19:47,899
Breaker 1-9 to Rubber Ducky.
322
00:19:48,056 --> 00:19:50,582
You got any Smokey the Bears
in your kitchen? Over.
323
00:19:51,816 --> 00:19:54,103
MAN [OVER RADIO]: You're clean and green
for the next 20 klicks.
324
00:19:54,256 --> 00:19:55,860
- Ha-ha. He replied!
- I know!
325
00:19:56,016 --> 00:19:59,622
- What did that even mean?
- I have no idea, but who cares?
326
00:19:59,775 --> 00:20:02,506
- He seems nice.
- He does seem nice, doesn't he?
327
00:20:02,655 --> 00:20:04,498
Copy that, good buddy. Over.
328
00:20:04,655 --> 00:20:06,862
- Can I try, Dad?
- Yeah, course.
329
00:20:07,015 --> 00:20:08,824
When you finish talking, say "over."
330
00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:10,625
- Okay. Cool.
- Okay.
331
00:20:11,255 --> 00:20:14,862
Breaker 1-9, my friend Jessie says
all truck drivers are rapists.
332
00:20:15,015 --> 00:20:16,779
- Are you a rapist?
- Kevin, no, no.
333
00:20:16,935 --> 00:20:18,141
Sorry. Over.
334
00:20:18,295 --> 00:20:20,297
- No, no, no.
- What are you doing?
335
00:20:20,455 --> 00:20:23,061
- What? It's a question.
- Well, you're ruining it.
336
00:20:24,175 --> 00:20:26,382
RUSTY:
Sorry about that there, good buddy.
337
00:20:27,015 --> 00:20:30,462
You know how little boys are
when their mouths get going, heh. I don't...
338
00:20:30,615 --> 00:20:32,583
Not to imply that you are...
339
00:20:33,335 --> 00:20:37,260
...fond of when little boys' mouths
get going in any way.
340
00:20:37,455 --> 00:20:40,698
I am not suggesting that
you are a sex offender.
341
00:20:40,855 --> 00:20:42,345
- Or a pedophile.
- Okay, no.
342
00:20:42,535 --> 00:20:45,061
Yeah, so that's the CB radio, guys.
343
00:20:45,215 --> 00:20:46,899
Neat, huh?
344
00:20:47,055 --> 00:20:50,537
- Hey, Dad, what's a pedophile?
- Hmm. Well, Kevin, when a man and a boy...
345
00:20:50,695 --> 00:20:53,983
- ...love each other very much...
- No. No.
346
00:20:56,455 --> 00:20:58,457
- I have to piss.
- Me too.
347
00:20:58,615 --> 00:21:00,663
Go with him, please,
and keep an eye on him.
348
00:21:00,815 --> 00:21:02,146
- Okay.
- Thank you.
349
00:21:04,535 --> 00:21:07,664
- Look at that. The boys are bonding already.
- Mm-hm.
350
00:21:07,855 --> 00:21:09,220
Isn't this the best?
351
00:21:09,375 --> 00:21:10,865
Yeah.
352
00:21:11,055 --> 00:21:12,659
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
353
00:21:12,895 --> 00:21:16,422
Do you remember, back when you were
just getting your pilot's license...
354
00:21:16,575 --> 00:21:18,225
...and you and I would sit there...
355
00:21:18,375 --> 00:21:22,903
...and we'd talk about all those, like,
overseas trips we would take and stuff?
356
00:21:23,415 --> 00:21:27,136
Yeah, of course that's when I thought
I was gonna fly for one of the big guys.
357
00:21:27,295 --> 00:21:30,219
I know it's not the most glamorous
airline, but Econo Air...
358
00:21:30,415 --> 00:21:31,860
...it's been pretty good to us.
359
00:21:32,415 --> 00:21:36,704
As far as I'm concerned, right here
with you and the boys, this is paradise.
360
00:21:39,375 --> 00:21:42,458
- There was a hole in the side of my stall.
- You found a glory hole.
361
00:21:42,615 --> 00:21:45,539
- Russ, no.
- All right, let's hit the road.
362
00:21:51,975 --> 00:21:54,023
[ENGINE REVS]
363
00:21:58,935 --> 00:22:00,505
[KEVIN MUTTERING]
364
00:22:01,855 --> 00:22:02,902
[RASPBERRIES]
365
00:22:27,215 --> 00:22:29,263
Go to sleep! Go to sleep!
366
00:22:32,895 --> 00:22:36,024
[KEVIN AND JAMES GRUNTING]
367
00:22:41,935 --> 00:22:43,937
- What's wrong with you?!
- I wanted to see...
368
00:22:44,095 --> 00:22:46,939
...how long you could
hold your breath before you black out.
369
00:22:47,095 --> 00:22:49,541
Don't do that. I could have died.
370
00:22:49,695 --> 00:22:51,060
Whatever.
371
00:22:55,775 --> 00:22:57,777
Goddamn it. Kevin!
372
00:23:11,054 --> 00:23:13,023
Hey, honey, Why'd we get off the highway?
373
00:23:13,175 --> 00:23:16,384
Thought it would be fun for the kids
to see where you went to college.
374
00:23:16,535 --> 00:23:19,459
Oh, God. Why would that be fun
for them, honey?
375
00:23:19,615 --> 00:23:22,585
You could give us a tour.
One of them could study there one day.
376
00:23:22,775 --> 00:23:24,777
Oh, no. No way, man.
377
00:23:24,935 --> 00:23:27,779
I've got my sights set on something
a little more Ivy League.
378
00:23:27,935 --> 00:23:30,302
Oh. Little fucker.
379
00:23:30,495 --> 00:23:33,021
- What, Ma?
- I love you. That's what I said.
380
00:23:33,175 --> 00:23:34,859
- I love you too.
- I said, I love you.
381
00:23:35,015 --> 00:23:36,585
RUSTY:
Let's just see how far it is.
382
00:23:36,935 --> 00:23:41,816
- COMPUTER: You are 9.2 miles from destination.
- All right. Check the best route.
383
00:23:42,015 --> 00:23:43,575
[COMPUTER SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
384
00:23:43,735 --> 00:23:46,466
Oh, I changed the language.
385
00:23:48,655 --> 00:23:49,986
That's not it, heh.
386
00:23:51,855 --> 00:23:53,061
JAMES:
What is that?
387
00:23:53,535 --> 00:23:57,938
- Uh, I don't know. Korean?
- Oh, God, it's horrible. Just please turn it off.
388
00:23:58,095 --> 00:24:00,826
The menu's all in Korean now.
I don't know what to press.
389
00:24:00,975 --> 00:24:03,057
Why is it so much angrier
than the other voices?
390
00:24:03,215 --> 00:24:04,295
RUSTY:
Why don't we just...?
391
00:24:04,415 --> 00:24:06,941
Honey, it doesn't like
when you touch it, okay?
392
00:24:07,095 --> 00:24:09,666
Just leave it alone. Let it calm down.
393
00:24:10,215 --> 00:24:11,546
[MAN PANTING ON GPS]
394
00:24:11,695 --> 00:24:14,699
[MAN YELLING AND SPEAKING IN KOREAN ON GPS]
395
00:24:17,895 --> 00:24:19,624
[MAN READS ON-SCREEN TEXT IN KOREAN]
396
00:24:21,695 --> 00:24:24,619
DEBBIE:
Wow, this place has not changed a bit.
397
00:24:25,175 --> 00:24:27,177
- Isn't that sorority row?
- Hmm.
398
00:24:27,335 --> 00:24:28,905
Let's go check out your house.
399
00:24:29,095 --> 00:24:32,224
Oh, no, honey. Don't you think we
should get back on the road?
400
00:24:32,375 --> 00:24:34,457
No, come on. It'll be fun.
401
00:24:34,615 --> 00:24:36,856
It's just a boring old house.
402
00:24:43,895 --> 00:24:44,942
[INAUDIBLE]
403
00:24:54,815 --> 00:24:56,055
[PEOPLE CHEERING]
404
00:24:56,255 --> 00:24:57,780
Yeah, that's what's up.
405
00:24:57,935 --> 00:25:00,779
I cannot believe that they
are still doing this.
406
00:25:02,655 --> 00:25:03,986
What is it?
407
00:25:04,335 --> 00:25:06,986
Uh, it is the Tri-Pi Chug Run.
408
00:25:07,175 --> 00:25:09,337
You have to chug a big pitcher of beer...
409
00:25:09,495 --> 00:25:12,544
...and then you have to get through
the course as fast as you can.
410
00:25:12,695 --> 00:25:15,096
And you did this?
Because you hardly drink.
411
00:25:15,255 --> 00:25:17,656
No, yeah. But, honey,
it's for charity, see?
412
00:25:20,535 --> 00:25:23,106
Hi. Would you like to donate
to ass burgers?
413
00:25:23,295 --> 00:25:25,059
Oh, no. We're just stopping by.
414
00:25:25,215 --> 00:25:27,377
I was a Tri-Pi a long time ago, so...
415
00:25:27,895 --> 00:25:30,102
In fact, the Chug Run was my idea.
416
00:25:30,255 --> 00:25:32,383
- It was?
- Yeah.
417
00:25:32,775 --> 00:25:35,824
- Wait, are you Debbie Fletcher?
- Yeah.
418
00:25:36,335 --> 00:25:37,496
Oh, my shit.
419
00:25:37,655 --> 00:25:39,783
Oh, my shit! I can't believe it's you!
420
00:25:39,935 --> 00:25:42,176
Guys, come here! Bring over the book!
421
00:25:42,375 --> 00:25:45,299
- It's Debbie fucking Fletcher.
- How do you know who I am?
422
00:25:45,455 --> 00:25:48,425
Oh, my God, are you kidding me?
You're like a legend at Tri-Pi.
423
00:25:48,575 --> 00:25:51,340
- You're Debbie Do-Anything!
- Debbie Do-Anything?
424
00:25:51,495 --> 00:25:53,543
- Go play.
GIRL: Yeah, look.
425
00:25:53,695 --> 00:25:56,619
- See?
- Oh, God.
426
00:25:56,775 --> 00:25:59,858
- Is it true you climbed the clock tower naked?
- Of course not.
427
00:26:00,015 --> 00:26:02,177
Did you really show your tits
to anyone who asked?
428
00:26:02,335 --> 00:26:04,417
- Honey, we should go.
- Hang on.
429
00:26:04,575 --> 00:26:08,499
- I heard you stuck a finger in the dean's dick.
- Did you really burn down Taco Bell?
430
00:26:08,694 --> 00:26:10,298
I heard you fucked Anthony Hopkins.
431
00:26:10,454 --> 00:26:12,741
I heard that, if people bop you
on your head...
432
00:26:12,894 --> 00:26:14,817
...gold coins come out of your butt.
433
00:26:14,974 --> 00:26:16,817
- Okay, ladies, heh.
- What?
434
00:26:17,734 --> 00:26:21,580
I think I know my wife pretty well, and she
wouldn't have done any of those things.
435
00:26:21,734 --> 00:26:25,864
But you know what? What's important is not
whether I did them or I didn't do them.
436
00:26:26,014 --> 00:26:29,621
What's important is that you guys are
idolizing very bad behavior here.
437
00:26:29,774 --> 00:26:32,505
Uh, ew, you don't sound
like Debbie Do-Anything.
438
00:26:32,654 --> 00:26:34,224
I had a feeling she was all hype.
439
00:26:34,374 --> 00:26:36,456
Bet she didn't even come up
with the Chug Run.
440
00:26:36,614 --> 00:26:38,218
Hey, wait a minute. Excuse me.
441
00:26:38,374 --> 00:26:41,537
I did come up with the Chug Run, all right?
442
00:26:41,694 --> 00:26:42,775
And I ran it.
443
00:26:42,974 --> 00:26:44,294
- Sure you did.
DEBBIE: No, I did.
444
00:26:44,414 --> 00:26:46,178
- In 16 seconds, okay?
- Okay, hon.
445
00:26:46,774 --> 00:26:49,254
- Prove it.
- She can't do it now. She's old.
446
00:26:49,414 --> 00:26:50,495
Excuse me, girl?
447
00:26:50,694 --> 00:26:53,300
I didn't mean it like that.
I just mean... you're old.
448
00:26:53,494 --> 00:26:55,144
[LAUGHING]
449
00:26:57,774 --> 00:26:58,935
Oh, yeah.
450
00:26:59,094 --> 00:27:01,665
Never heard that laugh before.
I don't like it.
451
00:27:01,814 --> 00:27:02,895
Hold my bag. Uh-uh.
452
00:27:03,054 --> 00:27:06,342
Why? You're not actually
going on this thing.
453
00:27:06,494 --> 00:27:09,976
Yes, I am. This Chug Run raised
thousands of dollars for charity, all right?
454
00:27:10,174 --> 00:27:13,940
I might not have gotten good grades while
I was here, but at least I did something.
455
00:27:14,134 --> 00:27:17,536
It sounds like you did a lot.
You stuck your finger in the dean's penis.
456
00:27:17,694 --> 00:27:21,904
It's not important what I stuck my finger in
and what I burnt down. What is important...
457
00:27:22,054 --> 00:27:25,024
- ...is that these bitches are disrespecting me.
- "Bitches"?
458
00:27:25,174 --> 00:27:26,380
Bring it on.
459
00:27:28,334 --> 00:27:30,302
No one's calling me old. Fuck you.
460
00:27:30,454 --> 00:27:33,503
All right, boobs, pitcher. Let's go.
Come on, come on, come on.
461
00:27:39,414 --> 00:27:41,655
Tri-Pi, motherfuckers!
462
00:27:41,854 --> 00:27:43,015
[PEOPLE CHEERING]
463
00:27:56,734 --> 00:27:58,418
Oh, Jesus Christ.
464
00:28:07,294 --> 00:28:10,104
ALL:
Three! Two! One!
465
00:28:16,494 --> 00:28:17,939
Oh, honey.
466
00:28:25,854 --> 00:28:26,980
[ALL GROANING]
467
00:28:31,534 --> 00:28:32,774
What's Mom doing?
468
00:28:32,934 --> 00:28:35,665
She's, uh, teaching
these bitches a lesson.
469
00:28:47,174 --> 00:28:50,018
This is the best thing I've ever seen.
470
00:28:52,334 --> 00:28:53,495
[CHANTING]
Go! Go! Go!
471
00:28:59,295 --> 00:29:01,821
Why is she puking so much?
472
00:29:02,255 --> 00:29:03,939
It's for ass burgers.
473
00:29:18,174 --> 00:29:20,461
Tri-Pi, motherfuckers.
474
00:29:22,654 --> 00:29:24,144
[VOMITS]
475
00:29:33,174 --> 00:29:35,700
Mom, you should try and stay hydrated.
476
00:29:37,174 --> 00:29:39,745
What? What are you doing?
477
00:29:41,934 --> 00:29:43,504
How about some tunes?
478
00:29:44,974 --> 00:29:46,100
[SEAL'S "KISS FROM A ROSE"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
479
00:29:46,254 --> 00:29:48,575
Oh, my God. I can't believe it.
480
00:29:48,734 --> 00:29:50,498
I love this song.
481
00:29:50,654 --> 00:29:53,419
Guys, it's Seal.
482
00:29:54,014 --> 00:29:55,857
Heh. Everybody sing it with me.
483
00:29:56,134 --> 00:30:01,345
[SINGING] There used to be a graying tower
Alone on the sea
484
00:30:01,494 --> 00:30:02,541
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Come on, guys.
485
00:30:02,694 --> 00:30:08,383
[SINGING] You became
The light on the dark side of me
486
00:30:08,534 --> 00:30:09,774
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Deb?
487
00:30:09,974 --> 00:30:14,423
[SINGING] Love remained
A drug that's the high and not...
488
00:30:14,574 --> 00:30:15,621
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Guys? No?
489
00:30:15,814 --> 00:30:17,942
[SINGING]
Did you know that when it snows
490
00:30:18,094 --> 00:30:19,294
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Kevin? James?
491
00:30:19,414 --> 00:30:20,620
[SINGING]
My eyes become large
492
00:30:20,774 --> 00:30:22,139
Is this a man or a woman singing?
493
00:30:22,294 --> 00:30:24,945
It's a man. And the coolest man ever.
494
00:30:25,094 --> 00:30:26,584
He overcame lupus.
495
00:30:26,734 --> 00:30:33,060
[SINGING] Baby I compare you to
a kiss from a rose on the gray
496
00:30:33,214 --> 00:30:35,979
[IN NORMAL VOICE] I can't believe
no one in this family wants to sing.
497
00:30:36,134 --> 00:30:38,296
[SINGING]
...stranger it feels, yeah.
498
00:30:38,454 --> 00:30:39,734
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Batman Forever?
499
00:30:39,854 --> 00:30:42,300
[SINGING]
...that your rose is in bloom
500
00:30:42,454 --> 00:30:43,580
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Val Kilmer.
501
00:30:43,734 --> 00:30:47,216
[SINGING]
A light hits the gloom on the gray
502
00:30:47,374 --> 00:30:50,218
[HORN HONKS AND TIRES SCREECHING]
503
00:30:51,974 --> 00:30:53,214
He's come back to kill us.
504
00:30:55,414 --> 00:30:57,257
- Gun it, Russ!
- Gunning it.
505
00:31:00,734 --> 00:31:02,414
JAMES: You gotta go faster, Dad!
Go faster!
506
00:31:02,534 --> 00:31:05,014
- The Prancer doesn't go any faster!
DEBBIE: What do we do?!
507
00:31:05,174 --> 00:31:06,983
Maybe if I press this rabbit button...
508
00:31:07,134 --> 00:31:09,580
...it'll give it a boost or something.
RUSTY: Yes, try it.
509
00:31:12,774 --> 00:31:15,425
- Why is there a button for that?
- And why is it a rabbit?
510
00:31:15,574 --> 00:31:16,655
Okay...
511
00:31:16,814 --> 00:31:18,703
- Uh, rocket. Here you go. Try that.
RUSTY: Yes.
512
00:31:19,374 --> 00:31:20,421
What? What's happening?
513
00:31:20,574 --> 00:31:22,178
- Why am I swiveling?
- I don't know!
514
00:31:22,334 --> 00:31:23,824
- Grab the wheel!
- It won't stop!
515
00:31:23,974 --> 00:31:26,898
- Hit the gas! Hit the gas!
- Okay, I'm trying to hit...
516
00:31:27,134 --> 00:31:29,262
[ALL SCREAMING]
517
00:31:30,214 --> 00:31:32,023
We're gonna die!
518
00:31:35,414 --> 00:31:38,497
- Okay, I got the wheel. I got the wheel.
- Okay, okay.
519
00:31:39,254 --> 00:31:40,619
DEBBIE:
Okay, what are we gonna do?
520
00:31:40,814 --> 00:31:42,703
- I have an idea.
- What?
521
00:31:43,054 --> 00:31:44,544
- Handbrake turn.
- What?
522
00:31:44,734 --> 00:31:48,705
Pull the wheel left, yank the handbrake,
do a 180, cross the median, drive past him.
523
00:31:48,854 --> 00:31:51,460
- You know how, Dad?
- If Vin Diesel can do it, so can I.
524
00:31:51,614 --> 00:31:53,776
- Why are you as good as Vin Diesel?
- Hang on.
525
00:31:58,654 --> 00:32:00,338
[ALL SCREAMING]
526
00:32:05,494 --> 00:32:07,701
That's not what I was trying to do.
527
00:32:07,854 --> 00:32:10,255
- Everybody okay?
- Oh, shit!
528
00:32:10,414 --> 00:32:11,460
[TIRES SCREECHING]
529
00:32:20,533 --> 00:32:22,376
- Go, Dad! Go, go!
- Oh, my God.
530
00:32:25,373 --> 00:32:26,704
[ALL SCREAMING]
531
00:32:42,613 --> 00:32:44,183
[COMPUTER SPEAKS
IN KOREAN AND ALL GASP]
532
00:32:44,333 --> 00:32:45,823
- Oh, shit!
- Goddamn it.
533
00:32:54,693 --> 00:32:57,264
All right, boys. This is you.
534
00:32:57,413 --> 00:32:59,939
- I call both beds.
DEBBIE: You get one bed.
535
00:33:00,093 --> 00:33:02,300
If you need anything, Mom and I
are next door.
536
00:33:02,453 --> 00:33:05,502
Oh, uh, I think I saw a hot tub, Dad.
Is it okay if I take a soak?
537
00:33:06,373 --> 00:33:07,977
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
538
00:33:08,133 --> 00:33:10,295
But if anyone tries to
shove you in their car...
539
00:33:10,453 --> 00:33:12,581
...give them a good scratch
like I showed you.
540
00:33:12,733 --> 00:33:13,780
- I will.
- All right.
541
00:33:13,933 --> 00:33:15,094
- Attaboy.
- Thanks.
542
00:33:16,813 --> 00:33:18,303
RUSTY:
So...
543
00:33:18,493 --> 00:33:23,055
...how come you never told me about
the whole Debbie Do-Anything thing?
544
00:33:23,253 --> 00:33:25,301
Heh. Come on, that was so long ago.
545
00:33:25,453 --> 00:33:27,899
Yeah, but it's part of who you are...
546
00:33:28,053 --> 00:33:29,737
...and I wanna know all about you.
547
00:33:29,893 --> 00:33:33,136
All right. Well, that's fair.
What do you wanna know?
548
00:33:33,293 --> 00:33:35,295
How many guys did you sleep with
before me?
549
00:33:35,453 --> 00:33:37,023
No, no, no.
550
00:33:37,173 --> 00:33:38,902
- No, no, no.
- Oh, come on.
551
00:33:39,053 --> 00:33:40,976
Come on. That's not important.
552
00:33:41,133 --> 00:33:43,659
- No, I know. But I'm just...
- You really need to know?
553
00:33:43,853 --> 00:33:45,503
- It just...
- Oh, okay.
554
00:33:45,693 --> 00:33:47,457
- I'm just curious.
- Okay, okay.
555
00:33:47,933 --> 00:33:50,254
Um, let's see.
556
00:33:55,373 --> 00:33:56,454
And then...
557
00:33:57,293 --> 00:33:58,897
Kind of taking you a little while, heh.
558
00:33:59,053 --> 00:34:01,454
Okay, uh, so around...
559
00:34:01,893 --> 00:34:03,133
- Th...
- Three.
560
00:34:03,813 --> 00:34:07,977
Three. That's actually reassuring,
because, heh, it's the same as me.
561
00:34:08,173 --> 00:34:10,494
No, didn't say three.
562
00:34:11,533 --> 00:34:13,262
Thirteen? Thirteen?
563
00:34:13,413 --> 00:34:15,575
- Nope.
- And it's not three?
564
00:34:15,733 --> 00:34:16,973
It's around 30.
565
00:34:17,133 --> 00:34:18,498
Thirty! Phew.
566
00:34:18,933 --> 00:34:20,344
Wow, holy cow.
567
00:34:20,493 --> 00:34:23,258
See, now I feel like you're judging me.
568
00:34:23,413 --> 00:34:24,653
I'm Judging me.
569
00:34:25,573 --> 00:34:29,180
- Your number is so much higher than mine.
- Yes, it is a big number...
570
00:34:29,333 --> 00:34:31,939
...but it doesn't matter.
Honey, it doesn't matter.
571
00:34:32,093 --> 00:34:34,858
You're so cool. I feel like a loser.
572
00:34:35,013 --> 00:34:37,493
You are not a loser, okay?
573
00:34:37,653 --> 00:34:41,659
Yeah? Because, uh, I had to work
pretty hard just to get those three.
574
00:34:42,814 --> 00:34:46,375
Had to take care of Jenny's grandfather
for months before she slept with me.
575
00:34:46,534 --> 00:34:49,219
- And he was racist.
- Please, don't base it on me.
576
00:34:49,374 --> 00:34:50,944
I was, like, crazy back then.
577
00:34:51,134 --> 00:34:54,502
I was completely immature and acting out...
578
00:34:54,654 --> 00:34:57,419
...and just really, like,
free with my body...
579
00:34:57,574 --> 00:34:59,736
...and that's just not who I am anymore.
580
00:34:59,934 --> 00:35:01,299
That's not who we are.
581
00:35:01,454 --> 00:35:04,139
Well, we're pretty free with our bodies.
582
00:35:04,294 --> 00:35:05,705
But you have to admit...
583
00:35:05,894 --> 00:35:07,942
...I feel like we've gotten...
584
00:35:08,574 --> 00:35:13,057
...like, less free with our bodies.
585
00:35:13,214 --> 00:35:15,420
But we have sex every week
with our bodies.
586
00:35:15,613 --> 00:35:17,103
We do. But...
587
00:35:17,253 --> 00:35:20,462
I mean, it's gotten a little routine, babe.
588
00:35:20,613 --> 00:35:24,823
You know, you always are lighting
that same Yankee Candle and everything.
589
00:35:24,973 --> 00:35:29,979
And I don't know, it might be nice to mix
it up a little bit every once in a while.
590
00:35:30,133 --> 00:35:31,294
Okay? No big deal.
591
00:35:31,453 --> 00:35:33,421
I'm gonna go take a shower, okay?
592
00:35:33,573 --> 00:35:35,462
I'm gonna take one with you.
593
00:35:36,533 --> 00:35:39,457
- Hmm?
- Uh... We'll have sex in it.
594
00:35:39,613 --> 00:35:41,217
Yeah. In the shower.
595
00:35:42,213 --> 00:35:45,535
How's that for getting free
with our bodies, Debbie Do-Anything?
596
00:35:45,693 --> 00:35:47,297
- I like that.
- Yeah.
597
00:35:47,453 --> 00:35:49,023
Oh, Russ.
598
00:35:49,213 --> 00:35:50,339
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
599
00:35:51,293 --> 00:35:53,261
Just be careful not to drop the soap.
600
00:35:53,413 --> 00:35:54,744
Oh, I won't.
601
00:35:54,893 --> 00:35:56,975
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
602
00:35:57,133 --> 00:35:58,294
What?
603
00:35:59,133 --> 00:36:02,216
- This is fun and different.
- I know. It is.
604
00:36:02,533 --> 00:36:05,343
You are so cute when you get
excited about stuff.
605
00:36:06,733 --> 00:36:08,940
You're, like, so cute always.
606
00:36:09,093 --> 00:36:11,414
Aw, honey.
607
00:36:13,493 --> 00:36:16,383
Oh, my... Holy shit! Are those mushrooms?!
608
00:36:16,533 --> 00:36:17,659
RUSTY:
Looks like somebody...
609
00:36:17,813 --> 00:36:19,702
- ...blew their head off in there.
- Oh, God.
610
00:36:20,653 --> 00:36:22,223
So should we, uh...?
611
00:36:22,373 --> 00:36:24,102
Should we get in or...?
612
00:36:25,213 --> 00:36:27,022
No, right, heh?
613
00:36:27,173 --> 00:36:30,780
Yeah. I'm gonna see if there's
something to clean that with.
614
00:36:30,933 --> 00:36:33,015
Hmm. Maybe the housekeeping left a...
615
00:36:33,173 --> 00:36:36,017
Oh, well, here's a Brillo Pad.
616
00:36:36,173 --> 00:36:37,584
I'll just...
617
00:36:37,733 --> 00:36:39,223
DEBBIE: Russ.
- Yeah.
618
00:36:39,373 --> 00:36:40,659
DEBBIE:
That's not a Brillo Pad.
619
00:36:40,813 --> 00:36:42,099
It's a ball of pubic hair.
620
00:36:42,293 --> 00:36:44,534
[RUSTY YELLS]
621
00:36:44,733 --> 00:36:46,417
- Oh, my gosh.
- There's so much of it.
622
00:36:46,573 --> 00:36:49,816
Who has that much pubic hair?
It's not even possible.
623
00:36:49,973 --> 00:36:52,340
No, not one person.
That's all different colors.
624
00:36:54,293 --> 00:36:56,375
That's from like 30 different guys.
625
00:36:56,533 --> 00:36:58,217
DEBBIE:
Oh, shut up, Russ.
626
00:36:58,413 --> 00:36:59,824
No. I'm sorry.
627
00:36:59,973 --> 00:37:02,817
JAMES [SINGING]:
Through the curtains hanging in the window
628
00:37:03,013 --> 00:37:07,018
In the evening on a Friday night
629
00:37:07,213 --> 00:37:08,658
[JAMES PLAYING GUITAR]
630
00:37:08,893 --> 00:37:11,703
Little light shining through the window
631
00:37:11,893 --> 00:37:16,979
Lets me know everything's
gonna be all right
632
00:37:18,173 --> 00:37:22,656
Summer breeze makes me feel fine
633
00:37:23,253 --> 00:37:26,257
Blowing through the jasmine in my mi...
634
00:37:26,453 --> 00:37:27,500
You're pretty good.
635
00:37:28,933 --> 00:37:32,460
Jeez, sorry.
636
00:37:32,613 --> 00:37:34,934
I, uh, heh, didn't mean to scare you.
637
00:37:36,693 --> 00:37:38,422
[IN NORMAL VOICE]: Hi.
- Hi.
638
00:37:38,573 --> 00:37:41,895
- You were in the Jeep.
- And you were in that plastic bag.
639
00:37:42,733 --> 00:37:44,701
That was my stupid brother.
640
00:37:44,853 --> 00:37:46,696
Gotcha. Big brothers suck.
641
00:37:46,853 --> 00:37:47,934
Oh, no.
642
00:37:48,093 --> 00:37:50,414
Yeah, big, heh.
643
00:37:50,573 --> 00:37:51,734
I'm Adena.
644
00:37:52,333 --> 00:37:53,619
James.
645
00:37:53,813 --> 00:37:55,781
- I have a penis.
- What?
646
00:37:55,933 --> 00:37:57,458
It's on your guitar.
647
00:37:58,893 --> 00:38:00,975
- Same brother.
- What an asshole.
648
00:38:01,133 --> 00:38:02,737
Yeah.
649
00:38:02,893 --> 00:38:04,577
You wanna go in?
650
00:38:04,733 --> 00:38:06,098
Absolutely.
651
00:38:07,093 --> 00:38:09,016
RUSTY:
Well, what have we here?
652
00:38:09,173 --> 00:38:11,380
Little Romeo and Juliet situation?
653
00:38:11,573 --> 00:38:12,904
[CHUCKLING]
654
00:38:13,213 --> 00:38:15,693
My name's Russ. Pleased to meet you both.
655
00:38:16,933 --> 00:38:20,254
I'm just a stranger, passing through town.
656
00:38:20,412 --> 00:38:24,019
But I couldn't help noticing how
incredibly handsome this young man is.
657
00:38:24,172 --> 00:38:26,015
What's your story? You got a girlfriend?
658
00:38:26,172 --> 00:38:27,458
No.
659
00:38:27,612 --> 00:38:29,341
What? No girlfriend?
660
00:38:30,532 --> 00:38:32,819
Cute boy like that?
Somebody's gonna snatch you up.
661
00:38:32,972 --> 00:38:34,656
- Do you want me to call the cops?
- No.
662
00:38:34,852 --> 00:38:36,377
And he plays guitar?
663
00:38:36,532 --> 00:38:37,943
Dream boy.
664
00:38:38,732 --> 00:38:39,858
- Make a muscle.
- I'd...
665
00:38:40,012 --> 00:38:41,172
- Do it.
JAMES: ...rather not.
666
00:38:41,292 --> 00:38:42,976
Take your shirt off. Make a muscle.
667
00:38:43,132 --> 00:38:44,941
- I really don't want to.
- Don't be shy.
668
00:38:45,092 --> 00:38:46,972
- Show us what you're working with.
- All right.
669
00:38:47,052 --> 00:38:49,737
Um, I should go.
670
00:38:51,292 --> 00:38:53,420
Are you sure that you'll be okay?
671
00:38:53,572 --> 00:38:54,812
I think so.
672
00:38:54,972 --> 00:38:56,383
Okay.
673
00:38:59,292 --> 00:39:00,418
Bye.
674
00:39:01,012 --> 00:39:02,059
Dang it.
675
00:39:02,492 --> 00:39:05,416
- Dad, why would you do that?
- Saw you talking to her.
676
00:39:05,572 --> 00:39:08,655
- Figured you could use a wingman.
- I didn't need a wingman.
677
00:39:08,812 --> 00:39:12,533
- Well, heh, looks like you did. She left.
- That's because you were approaching...
678
00:39:12,692 --> 00:39:14,740
You know, James, when I was your age...
679
00:39:14,932 --> 00:39:19,415
...Grandpa Clark sat me down
and we had a little chat.
680
00:39:19,572 --> 00:39:23,816
Seeing you with that girl made me
realize that we haven't had that chat yet.
681
00:39:23,972 --> 00:39:25,462
- We don't need that chat.
- Yeah?
682
00:39:25,652 --> 00:39:29,020
Come on, I know it's embarrassing,
but it'd be a lot more embarrassing...
683
00:39:29,172 --> 00:39:32,016
...if you found yourself tummy to tummy
with a lady friend...
684
00:39:32,172 --> 00:39:35,016
...and didn't know what goes where.
- I know what goes where.
685
00:39:35,172 --> 00:39:36,298
- You do?
- Uh-huh.
686
00:39:36,452 --> 00:39:37,738
- You sure?
- Yep.
687
00:39:37,892 --> 00:39:40,736
All right, all right.
Well, I just want you to know...
688
00:39:40,892 --> 00:39:44,942
...I'm here to answer any questions
you might have about that stuff.
689
00:39:45,132 --> 00:39:47,612
No matter how uncomfortable it seems.
690
00:39:49,652 --> 00:39:51,177
Yeah, okay.
691
00:39:51,332 --> 00:39:54,381
- Yeah, right. Here it comes.
- Yeah. All right. Okay.
692
00:39:54,852 --> 00:39:59,460
Uh, there were some kids at school
who were talking about...
693
00:39:59,612 --> 00:40:00,693
...rim jobs.
694
00:40:00,852 --> 00:40:04,095
- Hmm.
- So, what's that? What's a rim job?
695
00:40:04,372 --> 00:40:06,215
- Rim jobs.
- Yeah.
696
00:40:06,692 --> 00:40:08,933
- Is that R-I-M?
- Mm-hm.
697
00:40:10,492 --> 00:40:12,415
Rim job. Country of origin.
698
00:40:12,612 --> 00:40:14,979
I don't know. Um, America.
699
00:40:15,132 --> 00:40:16,782
Can I hear it in a sentence?
700
00:40:17,972 --> 00:40:20,020
- What's a rim job, Dad?
- Oh.
701
00:40:21,652 --> 00:40:23,815
Well, rim job.
702
00:40:24,173 --> 00:40:27,700
I would guess a rim job is when you
kiss someone with your mouth closed.
703
00:40:27,853 --> 00:40:30,504
Right? So you're only using
the rim of your mouth.
704
00:40:31,253 --> 00:40:32,664
- That's it?
- Sure.
705
00:40:32,813 --> 00:40:35,942
It felt like it was something way dirtier.
706
00:40:36,093 --> 00:40:38,061
No, I mean, what else could it be?
707
00:40:38,893 --> 00:40:40,099
Any other questions?
708
00:40:40,253 --> 00:40:41,857
I guess not.
709
00:40:42,053 --> 00:40:43,418
Good talk, James.
710
00:40:44,853 --> 00:40:48,938
Now, I hope you're not too old
to let your dad give you...
711
00:40:49,093 --> 00:40:50,583
...a good-night rim job.
712
00:42:05,372 --> 00:42:08,023
Looks like we might get to
Aunt Audrey's before dinner.
713
00:42:08,172 --> 00:42:09,776
Will Uncle Stone be there?
714
00:42:09,932 --> 00:42:12,014
Yeah, I suppose he will.
715
00:42:12,172 --> 00:42:15,335
- Uncle Stone is cool.
- You have to be cool to be a celebrity.
716
00:42:15,892 --> 00:42:17,781
Heh. He's not exactly a celebrity.
717
00:42:17,932 --> 00:42:19,980
I mean, he's a local weatherman.
That's all.
718
00:42:20,132 --> 00:42:22,976
Uh, actually, Audrey said that
the networks are interested in him.
719
00:42:23,132 --> 00:42:24,179
- Yeah?
- Oh, yeah.
720
00:42:24,372 --> 00:42:25,737
All right. Well, good for him.
721
00:42:25,892 --> 00:42:29,260
- Think Uncle Stone will let me ride his horse?
- I don't see why not.
722
00:42:29,412 --> 00:42:31,779
- Do you think I can shoot his guns?
- No, you cannot.
723
00:42:32,492 --> 00:42:36,053
Too bad. I would've shot you
right off that fucking horse.
724
00:42:38,292 --> 00:42:41,375
I never would've imagined my sister
marrying such a conservative.
725
00:42:41,532 --> 00:42:45,059
Yeah, but just because Stone's
political beliefs are different than ours...
726
00:42:45,212 --> 00:42:47,499
...doesn't mean he's not good-looking. I...
727
00:42:47,692 --> 00:42:49,421
A good person.
728
00:42:49,652 --> 00:42:51,461
[CHUCKLES]
729
00:42:51,692 --> 00:42:53,103
- You said it.
- Uh, honey...
730
00:42:53,252 --> 00:42:54,299
Hey, look at that!
731
00:42:54,452 --> 00:42:57,262
Hot springs up ahead.
We've always wanted to do that.
732
00:42:57,452 --> 00:42:59,534
Oh, honey,
we don't wanna be late to Audrey's.
733
00:42:59,692 --> 00:43:01,854
So we're a few minutes late.
734
00:43:02,012 --> 00:43:05,812
We're on vacation. Right? Come on.
Let's have some fun.
735
00:43:06,532 --> 00:43:07,579
Okay.
736
00:43:15,612 --> 00:43:17,580
- Oh. Look at the line.
- This will take forever.
737
00:43:17,732 --> 00:43:21,054
Come on, guys. How often do we get
to soak in hot water?
738
00:43:21,212 --> 00:43:22,702
Every time we take a bath.
739
00:43:23,172 --> 00:43:25,300
No, this is different, okay?
This is natural.
740
00:43:25,452 --> 00:43:27,932
This water was heated
in Mother Nature's bowels.
741
00:43:28,092 --> 00:43:29,423
Oh. Gross.
742
00:43:29,892 --> 00:43:31,860
There's gotta be another way in.
743
00:43:32,812 --> 00:43:35,497
I'm gonna ask this gentleman.
I bet he'd know.
744
00:43:35,692 --> 00:43:37,137
Excuse me, sir.
745
00:43:37,292 --> 00:43:38,623
- Hi there.
- Hey. Hi.
746
00:43:38,812 --> 00:43:42,942
Hey, we were wondering. Is there
another entrance to the hot springs?
747
00:43:43,092 --> 00:43:45,333
Like a secret entrance the locals use?
748
00:43:45,492 --> 00:43:49,656
- Line can get pretty long this time of year, huh?
- Yeah. Yeah, it sure can.
749
00:43:49,812 --> 00:43:51,223
Yeah, I'll tell you what you'll do.
750
00:43:51,372 --> 00:43:54,455
Uh, can you see that dirt road?
That path there on the left?
751
00:43:54,612 --> 00:43:57,218
- Yeah.
- If you just follow that all the way up...
752
00:43:57,372 --> 00:43:59,215
...that'll take you to the hot springs.
753
00:43:59,372 --> 00:44:01,261
All right, perfect. Thank you.
754
00:44:01,412 --> 00:44:04,382
Oh, no, no. You bet.
Y'all have a good time.
755
00:44:04,532 --> 00:44:06,500
- Oh, will do, heh.
MAN: Heh.
756
00:44:06,692 --> 00:44:08,262
Hey, what's your pet rat's name?
757
00:44:08,412 --> 00:44:10,096
Is my pet what?
758
00:44:10,572 --> 00:44:13,018
What the fuck? What the fuck?!
What the fuck?!
759
00:44:13,172 --> 00:44:14,219
[RAT SQUEAKING]
760
00:44:14,372 --> 00:44:15,533
I don't know him.
761
00:44:26,251 --> 00:44:29,937
Honey, are you sure about this?
I mean, nobody else is going this way.
762
00:44:30,451 --> 00:44:34,581
Yeah, well, most people think
inside the box.
763
00:44:35,211 --> 00:44:37,452
But you know who thinks outside the box?
764
00:44:37,611 --> 00:44:39,454
Uncle Stone?
765
00:44:39,611 --> 00:44:42,262
Me. Your father.
766
00:44:46,691 --> 00:44:50,013
Um, honey, I don't see any hot springs.
767
00:44:50,171 --> 00:44:53,095
Well, the guy said it was
right at the end of this road, so...
768
00:44:53,251 --> 00:44:57,461
Well, the guy also did not know he had
a rat on his shoulder, so there's that.
769
00:44:57,651 --> 00:44:58,698
Hold on.
770
00:45:07,571 --> 00:45:10,051
Wow, honey, this is beautiful.
771
00:45:10,211 --> 00:45:12,657
- Isn't it?
- Yeah.
772
00:45:13,931 --> 00:45:15,376
All right, everyone.
773
00:45:15,531 --> 00:45:18,011
In your bathing suits. Now! Heh.
774
00:45:19,451 --> 00:45:23,137
Looks like we found our
own private hot spring.
775
00:45:23,971 --> 00:45:27,373
- I say we call it "Griswold Springs."
- Heh.
776
00:45:28,411 --> 00:45:31,142
- The water's perfect.
- Oh, my God. It's so nice.
777
00:45:31,291 --> 00:45:33,055
Why does it smell like rotten eggs?
778
00:45:33,211 --> 00:45:35,691
- That's the sulfur, buddy. It's natural.
- Yeah.
779
00:45:35,851 --> 00:45:37,933
Yeah. And it's really good for you too.
780
00:45:38,091 --> 00:45:40,822
Actually, the minerals that are
in this mud here...
781
00:45:40,971 --> 00:45:42,894
...they draw toxins out of your body.
782
00:45:43,531 --> 00:45:44,578
Can you believe that?
783
00:45:44,731 --> 00:45:45,892
Cool, right?
784
00:45:49,971 --> 00:45:51,018
Oh, wow.
785
00:45:51,891 --> 00:45:55,338
Mm. This is perfect.
786
00:45:55,731 --> 00:45:57,415
It's exactly what we needed.
787
00:45:57,571 --> 00:45:59,812
Oh, yeah. Good call, Griswold.
788
00:46:02,491 --> 00:46:04,653
- Oh, man.
- Yeah.
789
00:46:04,811 --> 00:46:07,053
- Oh, yeah. That's it.
- That's it. That's it.
790
00:46:07,212 --> 00:46:09,738
I can feel my body detoxifying.
791
00:46:14,932 --> 00:46:15,979
You know...
792
00:46:17,092 --> 00:46:20,539
...it tastes a little shitty, but I think
that's part of it. That's okay.
793
00:46:20,732 --> 00:46:22,257
This is wonderful.
794
00:46:27,372 --> 00:46:29,454
That is the stuff.
795
00:46:30,452 --> 00:46:31,533
What is that, honey?
796
00:46:31,692 --> 00:46:33,615
On your ear. What's on your ear?
797
00:46:33,932 --> 00:46:35,013
What is that?
798
00:46:36,612 --> 00:46:37,738
It's an ear!
799
00:46:38,172 --> 00:46:39,219
[SCREAMING]
800
00:46:39,892 --> 00:46:41,781
Look, James. Found a dart.
801
00:46:41,972 --> 00:46:43,337
Are you crazy?
802
00:46:43,492 --> 00:46:46,098
Oh, my God!
Everybody out of Griswold Springs!
803
00:46:46,252 --> 00:46:48,220
JAMES: Get out of the poop!
KEVIN: That was nasty!
804
00:46:49,412 --> 00:46:50,459
All over me!
805
00:46:51,052 --> 00:46:52,861
I don't like Griswold Springs.
806
00:46:53,012 --> 00:46:54,059
[ALARM BEEPING]
807
00:46:54,212 --> 00:46:55,259
Is that our car alarm?
808
00:46:57,332 --> 00:46:58,493
What?
809
00:46:59,092 --> 00:47:03,461
Ugh. How come that local guy didn't tell us
there are thieves in these woods?
810
00:47:04,652 --> 00:47:05,699
Oh, right.
811
00:47:07,132 --> 00:47:08,179
JAMES:
He took my guitar.
812
00:47:08,332 --> 00:47:10,221
Oh, my God. He took all our money, Russ.
813
00:47:10,412 --> 00:47:12,141
All right, not a best-case scenario.
814
00:47:12,292 --> 00:47:13,623
But, hey.
815
00:47:13,772 --> 00:47:15,376
He left your book.
816
00:47:15,532 --> 00:47:18,900
So, I guess we get the last laugh.
817
00:47:19,052 --> 00:47:20,099
Oh, really, honey?
818
00:47:20,292 --> 00:47:22,499
We're naked and covered in human waste.
819
00:47:22,652 --> 00:47:25,656
Oh, come on, sweetheart.
We don't know that it's human.
820
00:47:30,651 --> 00:47:32,171
[MAN READING ON-SCREEN TEXT IN KOREAN]
821
00:47:33,091 --> 00:47:36,061
This is so embarrassing.
I feel like your cousin Eddie's family.
822
00:47:36,211 --> 00:47:39,852
It's no big deal. We'll just tell
Stone and Audrey what happened.
823
00:47:40,011 --> 00:47:41,581
Kids, remember what happened?
824
00:47:41,771 --> 00:47:44,172
We pulled over to rescue a baby
from a burning car...
825
00:47:44,331 --> 00:47:47,335
...and somebody stole all of our stuff
while we were distracted.
826
00:47:47,531 --> 00:47:50,102
And why are we naked
and covered in feces?
827
00:47:50,251 --> 00:47:51,776
I don't remember.
828
00:47:51,931 --> 00:47:54,252
That's right. We don't remember.
829
00:48:12,811 --> 00:48:14,336
Oh, my God.
830
00:48:15,531 --> 00:48:17,340
Oh, come on.
831
00:48:20,291 --> 00:48:23,261
- What're we gonna do?
- Can you give me a hand with this? Please?
832
00:48:23,411 --> 00:48:26,017
Just... Yeah.
833
00:48:26,171 --> 00:48:27,696
Oh, gosh.
834
00:48:27,851 --> 00:48:30,297
- I can't. I can't get it off.
- Just use your spit.
835
00:48:30,491 --> 00:48:31,617
Oh, okay.
836
00:48:33,211 --> 00:48:34,372
RUSTY:
Focus on the balls.
837
00:48:34,531 --> 00:48:36,693
If you guys wanna stop, that'd be good too.
838
00:48:38,731 --> 00:48:40,938
RUSTY:
Stay on the balls. I've got the shaft.
839
00:48:41,891 --> 00:48:42,972
AUDREY:
Hi, y'all!
840
00:48:43,731 --> 00:48:45,415
Hey. Oh, my goodness. Hi.
841
00:48:45,571 --> 00:48:46,936
What happened?
842
00:48:47,571 --> 00:48:48,857
Well, that's a...
843
00:48:49,051 --> 00:48:50,780
It's a crazy story...
844
00:48:50,931 --> 00:48:52,660
Dad got scammed by a guy at a park.
845
00:48:52,811 --> 00:48:55,018
- Kevin.
- Same old Rusty.
846
00:48:55,171 --> 00:48:56,661
You'd buy water from a faucet.
847
00:48:56,891 --> 00:48:58,177
[ALL CHUCKLING]
848
00:49:00,771 --> 00:49:02,899
Anyway, you guys look disgusting.
849
00:49:03,051 --> 00:49:05,452
I have some clothes
I was gonna give to the church...
850
00:49:05,651 --> 00:49:07,699
...if you guys wanna borrow some of those.
851
00:49:07,851 --> 00:49:09,341
- Great. Thank you, Audrey.
- Yeah.
852
00:49:09,531 --> 00:49:11,499
- Come on inside.
- All right.
853
00:49:11,651 --> 00:49:13,380
Boy, y'all stink.
854
00:49:17,011 --> 00:49:18,900
Oh, I don't like that.
855
00:49:19,851 --> 00:49:23,094
Man, this place makes our house
look like shit.
856
00:49:23,291 --> 00:49:28,616
Well, Kevin, that's only because a dollar goes
much further out here than it does in Chicago.
857
00:49:29,251 --> 00:49:31,902
Especially when you make a
lot more of them, heh.
858
00:49:32,971 --> 00:49:34,211
Just messing with you.
859
00:49:34,371 --> 00:49:37,454
Shoot, you boys are growing faster
than a weed under a faucet.
860
00:49:37,611 --> 00:49:40,376
- You still rassling, son?
- Uh-huh.
861
00:49:40,571 --> 00:49:42,255
Uh-huh. Oh, come on.
Show me what you got.
862
00:49:44,211 --> 00:49:46,020
[BOTH GRUNTING]
863
00:49:46,211 --> 00:49:50,102
- Hey, Kevin. Get off your brother, please.
- They're just having themselves a rassle.
864
00:49:50,251 --> 00:49:53,300
- It's what brothers do.
DEBBIE: Hey, oh, look at you guys.
865
00:49:53,491 --> 00:49:56,938
Hot damn. Debbie Griswold.
You just keep getting prettier.
866
00:49:57,091 --> 00:49:59,253
- Oh, stop.
STONE: No, I mean it.
867
00:49:59,771 --> 00:50:02,661
You could make hot water
come out of the cold faucet.
868
00:50:04,651 --> 00:50:06,301
Oh, heh. That's very sweet.
869
00:50:06,451 --> 00:50:09,057
You know, I remember the night
you first wore that dress.
870
00:50:09,251 --> 00:50:11,492
- You remember that night?
- I remember that night.
871
00:50:11,651 --> 00:50:14,416
- I'll never forget that night.
- Neither will I, baby.
872
00:50:14,571 --> 00:50:15,902
AUDREY:
You're my fucking husband.
873
00:50:16,091 --> 00:50:18,139
STONE:
Oh, betcha, I am. I'm your caveman.
874
00:50:18,331 --> 00:50:19,412
[BOTH MOANING]
875
00:50:19,611 --> 00:50:21,420
I'll rip you in half.
876
00:50:22,451 --> 00:50:24,419
I wanna have all your babies.
877
00:50:24,571 --> 00:50:26,699
On, baby.
878
00:50:28,651 --> 00:50:31,096
I hit the fucking jackpot with you.
879
00:50:31,250 --> 00:50:33,173
Oh, God, what I'm gonna do
to you tonight.
880
00:50:34,850 --> 00:50:37,171
Who wants to see Stone's man cave?
881
00:50:39,250 --> 00:50:40,297
Yeah.
882
00:50:40,490 --> 00:50:41,935
DEBBIE:
Is this Charlton Heston?
883
00:50:42,090 --> 00:50:44,092
Yep, Chuck was a good friend.
884
00:50:44,290 --> 00:50:47,499
I can't tell you how many nights
we spent drinking bourbon together...
885
00:50:47,650 --> 00:50:49,618
...crying about the state of this country.
886
00:50:49,770 --> 00:50:52,376
It's true, they did.
They literally cried together.
887
00:50:52,530 --> 00:50:55,613
Hmm. Somehow I don't see you
crying, though, Stone.
888
00:50:55,770 --> 00:50:57,295
Yeah, that's, uh...
889
00:50:57,450 --> 00:50:59,259
That's kind of embarrassing, right?
890
00:51:00,050 --> 00:51:01,700
Not embarrassing to me.
891
00:51:01,890 --> 00:51:04,939
Even the strongest faucet
sometimes lets out a few drops, heh.
892
00:51:05,090 --> 00:51:07,331
What is with these faucets?
893
00:51:07,490 --> 00:51:09,174
STONE:
Everyone thought that F-4 twister...
894
00:51:09,330 --> 00:51:11,776
...was gonna bypass Harris County.
AUDREY: Not my Stone.
895
00:51:11,930 --> 00:51:16,652
I had a feeling that that low-pressure system
was gonna make a beeline for Mission Bend.
896
00:51:17,290 --> 00:51:21,375
Thanks to my report, those people had
an extra 15 minutes to evacuate.
897
00:51:21,570 --> 00:51:24,938
- Ah.
- Governor Perry said he saved 2000 lives.
898
00:51:25,090 --> 00:51:27,900
That's how many we lost at Pearl Harbor...
899
00:51:28,050 --> 00:51:31,259
...so basically he stopped Pearl Harbor.
900
00:51:31,410 --> 00:51:34,141
That's when the national news called.
Now, between us...
901
00:51:34,290 --> 00:51:35,496
...it's looking good. Ain't it, honey?
902
00:51:35,690 --> 00:51:37,055
[LAUGHS]
903
00:51:37,650 --> 00:51:41,291
Course none of that would've been
possible without my sugar mama here...
904
00:51:41,450 --> 00:51:44,294
...working day and night to put me
through meteorology school.
905
00:51:44,450 --> 00:51:47,579
I liked working, baby.
I didn't mind it one bit.
906
00:51:47,770 --> 00:51:49,853
Well, you never have to
do it again, darling.
907
00:51:50,011 --> 00:51:51,661
But it kind of gave me purpose.
908
00:51:51,811 --> 00:51:53,620
Nope, never again. That is a promise.
909
00:51:53,811 --> 00:51:55,097
[LAUGHS]
910
00:51:55,291 --> 00:51:57,817
Wow, Uncle Stone, I may not agree
with your politics...
911
00:51:57,971 --> 00:52:01,020
- ...but that doesn't mean I don't admire you.
- STONE: Well, thank you.
912
00:52:01,171 --> 00:52:05,062
But the man you should admire the most
is sitting right next to you.
913
00:52:05,611 --> 00:52:07,295
But there's nobody there.
914
00:52:07,451 --> 00:52:09,931
Oh, I don't mean that chair.
I mean your pa right here.
915
00:52:10,091 --> 00:52:11,331
Okay, heh.
916
00:52:11,491 --> 00:52:13,539
- He doesn't save anybody's life.
STONE: Doesn't he?
917
00:52:14,291 --> 00:52:18,296
Well, every time he flies that little plane
of his, he's saving lives by not crashing.
918
00:52:18,451 --> 00:52:19,577
And in my book...
919
00:52:20,131 --> 00:52:21,417
...that makes him a hero.
920
00:52:22,211 --> 00:52:24,532
Thank you.
You know, a lot of people actually...
921
00:52:24,691 --> 00:52:29,094
Not to mention, he also snagged himself
one sweet slice of foxy pie in your mama there.
922
00:52:29,251 --> 00:52:32,255
You gotta stop that today. Stop it.
923
00:52:33,211 --> 00:52:35,817
You know what I always wanted
to know was...
924
00:52:36,411 --> 00:52:39,574
...when did you first know the weather?
925
00:52:40,931 --> 00:52:41,978
You all right, Deb?
926
00:52:42,171 --> 00:52:44,094
- What?
- Hey, there's a cow.
927
00:52:44,291 --> 00:52:45,372
[MOOS]
928
00:52:45,571 --> 00:52:47,335
Oh, not a cow. That's a steer.
929
00:52:47,491 --> 00:52:51,541
That there is $6000 worth of juicy,
purebred Angus beef.
930
00:52:51,731 --> 00:52:52,778
[CHUCKLES]
931
00:52:52,971 --> 00:52:56,214
It's Stone's new passion, raising cattle.
He's even named them.
932
00:52:56,411 --> 00:52:59,858
Uh-huh.
Old Sebastian here loves him some ribs.
933
00:53:00,051 --> 00:53:01,212
Here you go, boy.
934
00:53:01,371 --> 00:53:03,533
Yeah. Oh, that's it.
935
00:53:05,931 --> 00:53:08,901
- Dad, isn't that...?
- Cannibalism? Yeah.
936
00:53:09,051 --> 00:53:12,897
You boys get up early tomorrow, you can watch
me herd these suckers into the corral.
937
00:53:13,091 --> 00:53:14,934
- Oh!
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
938
00:53:15,091 --> 00:53:16,502
You herd them yourself?
939
00:53:16,691 --> 00:53:18,261
Heh, I'm a man, aren't I?
940
00:53:18,411 --> 00:53:19,822
Yes.
941
00:53:21,011 --> 00:53:24,458
Uh, hey, Stone, not sure if you need
a hand out there, but I'd love to help.
942
00:53:24,611 --> 00:53:27,899
Sure thing. If you're up for it
I can always use an extra set of hands.
943
00:53:28,051 --> 00:53:31,533
Well, I was born with
an extra set of hands.
944
00:53:32,450 --> 00:53:34,293
That's an odd thing to say, heh.
945
00:53:34,850 --> 00:53:37,217
But I reckon this'll be
the highlight of your trip.
946
00:53:37,370 --> 00:53:40,977
Well, the real highlight, of course,
will be when we get to Walley World...
947
00:53:41,170 --> 00:53:45,175
...and I take my family
on the Velociraptor.
948
00:53:45,330 --> 00:53:49,016
I think it is so weird. I don't know
why you want to go back to Walley World...
949
00:53:49,170 --> 00:53:50,615
...after Dad flipped out there.
950
00:53:50,810 --> 00:53:54,940
Audrey, Dad flipped out because
he loved us and wanted us to be close.
951
00:53:55,090 --> 00:53:57,900
And we were.
And that's all I want for my family.
952
00:53:58,090 --> 00:53:59,330
[LAUGHS]
953
00:53:59,530 --> 00:54:01,214
You're such a clown.
954
00:54:01,370 --> 00:54:02,735
RUSTY:
You're a clown.
955
00:54:02,890 --> 00:54:04,699
Babe, baby, I think Rusty's right.
956
00:54:04,850 --> 00:54:09,253
You know, family is the most
important thing there is.
957
00:54:09,450 --> 00:54:11,259
Little something...
958
00:54:11,490 --> 00:54:12,696
[DEBBIE LAUGHS]
959
00:54:14,250 --> 00:54:16,491
Maybe we'll take baby Cooper
on a trip this summer.
960
00:54:16,650 --> 00:54:17,936
Yeah, not to Walley World.
961
00:54:18,130 --> 00:54:19,780
- Oh, God, no.
- Because that'd be stupid.
962
00:54:19,930 --> 00:54:22,137
That'd be stupid.
How about Paris?
963
00:54:22,290 --> 00:54:23,337
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
964
00:54:25,170 --> 00:54:27,980
And then we get back
I can maybe get a part-time job?
965
00:54:28,130 --> 00:54:31,054
Well, not while there's breath
in my body, sweetheart.
966
00:54:31,250 --> 00:54:32,536
[LAUGHS]
967
00:54:35,890 --> 00:54:38,461
You know, honey, I am really happy
for your sister.
968
00:54:38,650 --> 00:54:39,697
- Yeah?
- Seriously.
969
00:54:39,850 --> 00:54:42,694
She and Stone seem really in love.
It's nice.
970
00:54:42,850 --> 00:54:45,854
These pants Stone gave me are really
stretched out in the crotch.
971
00:54:46,010 --> 00:54:48,172
Weird. Why would they be
stretched out in the...?
972
00:54:48,330 --> 00:54:49,980
- God, I don't know.
- Holy shit.
973
00:54:50,130 --> 00:54:52,417
How much you think they paid
for this house?
974
00:54:53,730 --> 00:54:57,212
Whoa. Oh, okay, whoa.
975
00:54:57,370 --> 00:54:59,532
Oh, should I see if Audrey has
a Yankee Candle?
976
00:54:59,690 --> 00:55:02,341
Fuck the Yankee Candle.
I wanna do this now.
977
00:55:03,490 --> 00:55:06,733
- Oh, God, you're so sexy. Oh, my God.
- Oh, what has gotten into you?
978
00:55:08,010 --> 00:55:09,216
What? What, what?
979
00:55:10,130 --> 00:55:11,655
This is because of him, isn't it?
980
00:55:11,850 --> 00:55:13,181
What? Who?
981
00:55:14,010 --> 00:55:15,580
Because of who?
982
00:55:15,770 --> 00:55:17,101
Because of Stone.
983
00:55:17,250 --> 00:55:19,571
- What?
- That's why you're jumping my bones.
984
00:55:19,770 --> 00:55:21,818
- You're thinking of him.
- That's ridiculous.
985
00:55:21,970 --> 00:55:24,018
Then how come the one night
we're with him...
986
00:55:24,170 --> 00:55:28,653
- ...you turn into some kind of sexual character?
- I don't know where you're going with this...
987
00:55:28,810 --> 00:55:31,177
- Where's your wedding ring?
- Oh, my God.
988
00:55:31,330 --> 00:55:33,697
Before we got here, you took off
your wedding ring?
989
00:55:33,850 --> 00:55:35,818
No, I didn't, Rusty. It was loose.
990
00:55:35,970 --> 00:55:37,415
You remember how loose it was?
991
00:55:37,570 --> 00:55:39,652
And I must've just dropped it somewhere.
992
00:55:39,810 --> 00:55:42,859
What was the plan? Show up
with no ring, he'll think you're single?
993
00:55:43,010 --> 00:55:45,661
How will he think I'm single
if I'm here with my husband?
994
00:55:45,810 --> 00:55:47,494
I don't know. It was your plan.
995
00:55:47,650 --> 00:55:49,732
It was not my pl... Okay.
996
00:55:51,010 --> 00:55:56,141
Yes, Stone is an impressive man, okay?
997
00:55:56,330 --> 00:55:58,219
But I married you, Rusty.
998
00:55:58,370 --> 00:56:00,611
And I am so sorry that I lost my ring...
999
00:56:00,810 --> 00:56:04,701
...but I would never, ever, ever
take it off on purpose.
1000
00:56:07,410 --> 00:56:09,731
I know, I know. I just...
1001
00:56:12,010 --> 00:56:14,536
I freaked out. I'm sorry. I just...
1002
00:56:15,850 --> 00:56:17,090
We'll get you another ring.
1003
00:56:17,290 --> 00:56:18,940
I liked that one.
1004
00:56:20,090 --> 00:56:21,216
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
1005
00:56:21,410 --> 00:56:23,094
Hey, y'all decent?
1006
00:56:23,290 --> 00:56:24,701
- Yes. Hi.
- Hey.
1007
00:56:24,850 --> 00:56:28,616
Okay. Just wanted to make sure y'all
had everything you needed for the night.
1008
00:56:29,330 --> 00:56:30,456
Yep.
1009
00:56:31,450 --> 00:56:32,576
All right.
1010
00:56:33,330 --> 00:56:36,538
Man, it sure is beautiful here
this time of year, ain't it?
1011
00:56:37,569 --> 00:56:39,890
And quiet. Listen.
1012
00:56:40,569 --> 00:56:41,980
You hear that?
1013
00:56:44,169 --> 00:56:46,570
- No.
- Exactly. It's perfect silence.
1014
00:56:46,769 --> 00:56:48,009
Hmm.
1015
00:56:48,849 --> 00:56:50,851
Yeah, yeah.
1016
00:56:51,009 --> 00:56:54,934
Well, uh, TV remote.
Okay, let me show you.
1017
00:56:55,089 --> 00:56:57,217
I've got, uh, channels...
1018
00:56:57,409 --> 00:56:58,820
...and the volume.
1019
00:56:58,969 --> 00:57:00,334
On. Off.
1020
00:57:00,849 --> 00:57:02,772
- Pretty straightforward.
- Yeah.
1021
00:57:02,929 --> 00:57:05,136
- Yeah.
- Great.
1022
00:57:05,289 --> 00:57:06,336
All right.
1023
00:57:06,489 --> 00:57:10,289
Well, uh, if you get thirsty,
there's fresh milk in the fridge...
1024
00:57:10,449 --> 00:57:13,453
...and have yourselves a good night.
1025
00:57:13,609 --> 00:57:15,737
DEBBIE: Uh-huh.
- Okay.
1026
00:57:15,929 --> 00:57:18,091
- Night, Stone.
- Good night, Stone.
1027
00:57:18,809 --> 00:57:19,935
Man.
1028
00:57:21,609 --> 00:57:23,020
Yeah.
1029
00:57:26,129 --> 00:57:27,290
Okay.
1030
00:57:30,049 --> 00:57:33,020
He totally just came in here
to show off his six-pack.
1031
00:57:37,050 --> 00:57:38,461
Hey, morning.
1032
00:57:38,650 --> 00:57:40,652
Ugh, barely.
1033
00:57:40,810 --> 00:57:42,539
How come you gotta do this at 6 a.m.?
1034
00:57:42,690 --> 00:57:44,897
Well, I gotta be at the station by 7:30...
1035
00:57:45,050 --> 00:57:47,701
...for Stone Crandall's AccuWeather Report.
1036
00:57:48,530 --> 00:57:50,373
Hey, you ever ride one of these things?
1037
00:57:51,370 --> 00:57:52,781
No, never have.
1038
00:57:52,930 --> 00:57:57,652
But, uh, can't imagine it's more
complicated than an Airbus A318.
1039
00:57:57,810 --> 00:58:00,336
Heh, yeah, well, that's the spirit.
1040
00:58:00,490 --> 00:58:03,812
Now, the key here is to move
back and forth along the edge of the herd.
1041
00:58:03,970 --> 00:58:07,099
You keep your distance, though.
You don't want to spook them.
1042
00:58:07,250 --> 00:58:08,900
Got it.
1043
00:58:09,050 --> 00:58:10,415
Okay.
1044
00:58:11,490 --> 00:58:12,571
Are there helmets?
1045
00:58:13,130 --> 00:58:15,212
Yeah, I keep them with the tampons.
1046
00:58:15,770 --> 00:58:17,215
Just basic safety.
1047
00:58:17,450 --> 00:58:18,576
[ENGINE REVS]
1048
00:58:18,770 --> 00:58:20,181
[YELLING]
1049
00:58:24,690 --> 00:58:26,055
This is exciting!
1050
00:58:26,250 --> 00:58:28,981
It's my favorite way to start the day.
1051
00:58:29,490 --> 00:58:31,219
This, and making love to your sister.
1052
00:58:31,850 --> 00:58:33,090
Thank you for that.
1053
00:58:37,930 --> 00:58:39,261
STONE:
Come on, let's go!
1054
00:58:40,090 --> 00:58:42,297
It looks like we got us
a couple of mavericks.
1055
00:58:42,450 --> 00:58:45,294
You take the one on the left.
I'll take the one on the right.
1056
00:58:45,450 --> 00:58:47,293
Unless you need my help with yours.
1057
00:58:47,450 --> 00:58:48,895
No, I think I got it.
1058
00:58:49,050 --> 00:58:51,098
Last one to the corral's
a rotten cowpoke.
1059
00:58:51,530 --> 00:58:52,770
[WHOOPING]
1060
00:58:57,210 --> 00:58:58,655
STONE:
Let's go!
1061
00:58:58,810 --> 00:59:00,892
Go! Get up! Get up! Get up! Let's go!
1062
00:59:01,090 --> 00:59:02,421
[CHUCKLES]
1063
00:59:02,570 --> 00:59:03,617
Whoa!
1064
00:59:11,010 --> 00:59:12,296
Hey!
1065
00:59:13,690 --> 00:59:14,930
Holy shit!
1066
00:59:15,170 --> 00:59:16,456
[SCREAMS]
1067
00:59:16,650 --> 00:59:17,731
Oh, my gosh!
1068
00:59:24,930 --> 00:59:26,580
Is the cow okay?
1069
00:59:26,770 --> 00:59:29,853
No, the cow's not okay, Russ.
You drove plumb through him.
1070
00:59:30,010 --> 00:59:31,580
Oh, no, Sebastian.
1071
00:59:33,970 --> 00:59:35,381
Gross.
1072
00:59:49,329 --> 00:59:50,615
Hey, gang, uh...
1073
00:59:51,289 --> 00:59:53,690
Maybe for lunch we could find
a burger place.
1074
00:59:53,969 --> 00:59:55,733
You know, like a, uh...
1075
00:59:56,409 --> 00:59:59,015
Like a drive-through burger place.
1076
00:59:59,209 --> 01:00:00,256
[CHUCKLES]
1077
01:00:01,089 --> 01:00:03,296
I don't know, Dad. I think we should, uh...
1078
01:00:03,449 --> 01:00:05,690
...steer clear of that.
1079
01:00:05,889 --> 01:00:08,495
- Good one, James.
- All right, enough, you guys.
1080
01:00:08,649 --> 01:00:12,096
Dad hit a cow, okay? Let's just move on.
1081
01:00:12,289 --> 01:00:13,529
[ALL LAUGH]
1082
01:00:13,769 --> 01:00:15,737
- Oh, I got one.
- Yeah? Let's hear it.
1083
01:00:16,129 --> 01:00:18,211
James is a piece of shit.
1084
01:00:18,369 --> 01:00:20,451
You kind of missed the point there, buddy.
1085
01:00:24,129 --> 01:00:25,779
[ENGINE REVVING]
1086
01:00:49,689 --> 01:00:51,612
[MAN READS ON-SCREEN TEXT IN KOREAN]
1087
01:00:57,769 --> 01:01:00,534
- Hey, hey.
- What? What is it? What's wrong?
1088
01:01:00,689 --> 01:01:01,895
- Is everything okay?
- Yeah.
1089
01:01:02,049 --> 01:01:03,539
- No, nothing's wrong.
- Okay.
1090
01:01:03,689 --> 01:01:05,737
- Well, what?
- I have an idea.
1091
01:01:06,009 --> 01:01:08,899
And it's gonna sound crazy,
but hear me out, okay?
1092
01:01:09,049 --> 01:01:10,699
- Okay.
- Okay.
1093
01:01:11,409 --> 01:01:13,776
We're right near
the Four Corners Monument...
1094
01:01:13,929 --> 01:01:16,853
...which is where four states
come together in one spot.
1095
01:01:17,009 --> 01:01:19,615
- So?
- Let's go have sex on it.
1096
01:01:20,209 --> 01:01:21,290
What? Heh.
1097
01:01:22,569 --> 01:01:26,255
Yeah, that way we can make love in
four states at the same time.
1098
01:01:26,409 --> 01:01:27,490
Wait.
1099
01:01:27,929 --> 01:01:29,499
You're serious?
1100
01:01:30,049 --> 01:01:33,258
Yeah. I mean, you're the one who
said we should mix it up.
1101
01:01:33,409 --> 01:01:36,413
What's more mixed-up than sex
on a public monument?
1102
01:01:37,449 --> 01:01:39,451
Um, pretty sure Debbie Do-Anything
would do it.
1103
01:01:39,649 --> 01:01:41,731
Okay, well, Debbie Do-Anything
was a dumbass.
1104
01:01:41,889 --> 01:01:43,937
Maybe that's what we need.
1105
01:01:44,089 --> 01:01:46,171
To be dumbasses together.
1106
01:01:47,169 --> 01:01:48,819
What about the kids?
1107
01:01:49,649 --> 01:01:51,219
Well, Kevin's kind of a dumbass.
1108
01:01:51,409 --> 01:01:52,535
No, no, honey.
1109
01:01:52,689 --> 01:01:54,771
What are we gonna do about them?
1110
01:01:55,049 --> 01:01:57,211
They're fine. They're fast asleep.
1111
01:01:57,369 --> 01:01:59,736
We'll be back
before they know we're gone.
1112
01:02:00,529 --> 01:02:01,655
- Okay.
- Yeah?
1113
01:02:01,809 --> 01:02:03,379
All right, let's do it.
1114
01:02:19,769 --> 01:02:20,975
Mom?
1115
01:02:22,009 --> 01:02:23,056
Dad?
1116
01:02:28,809 --> 01:02:30,493
- James?
- Mom?
1117
01:02:32,089 --> 01:02:35,332
- Adena?
- Are you, like, stalking me or something?
1118
01:02:35,489 --> 01:02:37,571
No. What? No.
1119
01:02:37,729 --> 01:02:39,458
I'm kidding.
1120
01:02:39,609 --> 01:02:40,690
- Relax, heh.
- Oh!
1121
01:02:41,808 --> 01:02:43,333
[CHUCKLES]
1122
01:02:43,528 --> 01:02:48,170
Hey, what happened with that perv
who was hitting on you in Arkansas?
1123
01:02:49,248 --> 01:02:51,137
That was actually my dad.
1124
01:02:52,008 --> 01:02:54,170
He was trying to be my wingman.
1125
01:02:54,328 --> 01:02:56,569
Oh, my God.
1126
01:02:57,328 --> 01:02:59,729
He's a really shitty wingman.
1127
01:03:02,888 --> 01:03:05,209
So no guitar tonight?
1128
01:03:05,928 --> 01:03:07,578
It got stolen.
1129
01:03:08,208 --> 01:03:09,698
That sucks.
1130
01:03:10,648 --> 01:03:12,457
I really liked hearing you play.
1131
01:03:13,888 --> 01:03:14,935
You did?
1132
01:03:15,088 --> 01:03:17,740
Yeah, I've always had a
thing for musicians.
1133
01:03:20,409 --> 01:03:22,537
Well, good...
1134
01:03:22,689 --> 01:03:25,659
...because I've always had a thing for...
1135
01:03:26,249 --> 01:03:27,774
...pretty girls.
1136
01:03:30,529 --> 01:03:31,974
Well played.
1137
01:03:34,289 --> 01:03:36,496
See? You don't need a wingman.
1138
01:03:45,089 --> 01:03:46,454
Here it is.
1139
01:03:46,809 --> 01:03:48,573
Oh, my God. This is so illegal.
1140
01:03:48,729 --> 01:03:51,539
- I know, it's so hot, right?
- Yeah.
1141
01:03:51,689 --> 01:03:53,134
I am hard as a faucet right now.
1142
01:03:53,369 --> 01:03:54,609
[CHUCKLES]
1143
01:03:54,809 --> 01:03:57,699
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Oh. No. I like it.
1144
01:03:57,849 --> 01:03:58,896
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
1145
01:03:59,049 --> 01:04:00,096
- Yeah?
- I do.
1146
01:04:00,289 --> 01:04:02,690
- You like it when I slap that ass?
- I do, I do, heh.
1147
01:04:02,849 --> 01:04:06,137
- Good. I'm gonna beat the shit out of your ass.
- Whoa, Russ.
1148
01:04:06,289 --> 01:04:08,178
Okay, right here?
1149
01:04:08,889 --> 01:04:10,334
[MOANING]
1150
01:04:13,489 --> 01:04:16,254
- We're about to have sex outside.
- I know. Heh, I know.
1151
01:04:16,409 --> 01:04:18,980
- Do you want me to put a finger in?
- In what?
1152
01:04:19,129 --> 01:04:20,255
- Never mind.
- Okay, okay.
1153
01:04:20,809 --> 01:04:22,140
Y'all wanna keep it down?
1154
01:04:22,289 --> 01:04:24,895
- Yeah! Yeah!
- Hey, watch it, man!
1155
01:04:25,049 --> 01:04:27,529
- Get your leg off me!
- You're so slippery and sweaty!
1156
01:04:27,689 --> 01:04:30,772
If you're here to have sex on the Corners,
we're next. Get in line.
1157
01:04:31,009 --> 01:04:32,454
- Oh, my gosh.
- Oh, God.
1158
01:04:33,769 --> 01:04:34,816
[BOTH GASPING]
1159
01:04:36,809 --> 01:04:38,459
Oh, God!
1160
01:04:39,169 --> 01:04:40,978
Oh, God! They're in every state!
1161
01:04:41,129 --> 01:04:42,540
So many boobies out here!
1162
01:04:42,689 --> 01:04:44,179
MAN 1:
You two! Freeze!
1163
01:04:44,329 --> 01:04:45,535
MAN 2:
Go, go, go!
1164
01:04:45,689 --> 01:04:46,736
MAN 1:
Hands up!
1165
01:04:46,889 --> 01:04:48,732
WOMAN: Run! Honey, run!
MAN 3: Get your shoe!
1166
01:04:48,889 --> 01:04:51,210
MAN 1:
Drop the flashlight!
1167
01:04:51,369 --> 01:04:55,294
You do know public indecency
is a crime in the state of Utah?
1168
01:04:55,449 --> 01:04:56,496
Yes. Sorry, officer.
1169
01:04:56,649 --> 01:04:59,778
- See, we're married, and we wanted to just...
- Save it for the judge.
1170
01:04:59,929 --> 01:05:04,173
It makes me sick how you deviants show up
and desecrate this holy place every night.
1171
01:05:04,329 --> 01:05:06,775
- Turn around. Hands behind your back.
- What?
1172
01:05:06,929 --> 01:05:08,579
KYLE:
Not so fast, Tommy.
1173
01:05:08,729 --> 01:05:11,209
Shoot for sherbet.
What are you doing here, Kyle?
1174
01:05:11,369 --> 01:05:14,976
These people are clearly in the state
of Colorado. That's my jurisdiction.
1175
01:05:15,129 --> 01:05:16,938
WOMAN:
Juris-dick in my ass, Kyle.
1176
01:05:17,129 --> 01:05:19,814
Look at her left foot.
Smack-dab in Arizona.
1177
01:05:19,969 --> 01:05:22,859
You weed-legalizing,
Mile-High piece of shit.
1178
01:05:23,009 --> 01:05:26,058
- Hey, there's no reason for that language.
- Sorry, Officer Mormon.
1179
01:05:26,249 --> 01:05:27,694
You don't like that? I have an idea.
1180
01:05:27,889 --> 01:05:30,256
Why don't you plug up your ears
with Mitt Romney's dick?
1181
01:05:30,449 --> 01:05:31,655
- Ha, ha.
- Hey.
1182
01:05:31,849 --> 01:05:35,137
Oh, looks like New Mexico decided
to wake up from his siesta.
1183
01:05:35,289 --> 01:05:38,293
- What's the trouble?
- Tell you what the trouble is, dreamcatcher.
1184
01:05:38,449 --> 01:05:40,850
You are wearing entirely too much
goddamn turquoise.
1185
01:05:41,009 --> 01:05:42,374
Hey, we can do this without...
1186
01:05:42,529 --> 01:05:46,055
- ...disrespecting each other's traditions.
- Oh, go fuck your wives, Tommy.
1187
01:05:46,208 --> 01:05:48,654
This is what I'm telling you.
Every night we do this.
1188
01:05:48,808 --> 01:05:52,699
You know what this border represents?
It's just an idea. That's all I'm saying.
1189
01:05:52,848 --> 01:05:56,614
- If it's just an idea, then I'll just get the perp...
- Ah! My house!
1190
01:05:56,768 --> 01:05:58,054
- Hey!
- Stay out of my state.
1191
01:05:58,208 --> 01:06:00,939
- What are you gonna do now?
- Get your feet off of my state!
1192
01:06:01,088 --> 01:06:02,419
You wanna stomp on my foot?!
1193
01:06:02,568 --> 01:06:04,138
- You back...
- Is that what you want?
1194
01:06:04,328 --> 01:06:05,773
Hey, I wasn't even in it!
1195
01:06:05,928 --> 01:06:08,454
Don't you kick in here! Don't start...
1196
01:06:08,608 --> 01:06:09,814
How about this, then, huh?
1197
01:06:11,048 --> 01:06:13,096
- We got a live weapon!
- Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
1198
01:06:13,248 --> 01:06:15,694
- Think I'm afraid of that?
- I'm not afraid of you.
1199
01:06:15,848 --> 01:06:18,328
- How about that, huh?
- Oh, yeah, like I'm afraid?
1200
01:06:18,528 --> 01:06:19,973
[GRUNTING]
1201
01:06:21,208 --> 01:06:23,973
- Are we...? I don't want it in my mouth.
- Let's not do that.
1202
01:06:24,128 --> 01:06:27,177
- I'll take that all in, dude.
- That's enough! Everyone get down!
1203
01:06:27,328 --> 01:06:30,730
- Get down on the ground! Get down!
- Get down! Get down on the ground!
1204
01:06:30,888 --> 01:06:33,334
I'm cooperating!
I'm the one who's cooperating!
1205
01:06:33,528 --> 01:06:36,338
- You get down too. You get down too.
- Get down on the ground!
1206
01:06:36,528 --> 01:06:37,893
- Hands where?
- Your right side.
1207
01:06:38,048 --> 01:06:39,459
- Sides or front?
- Side to side.
1208
01:06:39,608 --> 01:06:41,053
- Let's do this.
- Everyone down?
1209
01:06:41,208 --> 01:06:43,449
- Okay.
- I think I'm done.
1210
01:06:43,608 --> 01:06:44,655
[ALL PANTING]
1211
01:06:48,288 --> 01:06:50,859
You can really see all the stars out here.
1212
01:06:51,808 --> 01:06:52,889
Yeah.
1213
01:06:55,408 --> 01:06:58,252
So, what do you feel like doing?
1214
01:06:58,448 --> 01:07:00,974
Heh. I don't know.
1215
01:07:08,448 --> 01:07:10,450
Can I give you a rim job?
1216
01:07:12,928 --> 01:07:14,737
- Whoa.
- No.
1217
01:07:15,808 --> 01:07:17,048
- What?
- I don't know.
1218
01:07:17,208 --> 01:07:19,688
- What's wrong with you?
- I don't know. I'm sorry.
1219
01:07:19,888 --> 01:07:21,538
What did you wanna do?
1220
01:07:21,688 --> 01:07:25,056
I don't know. I thought maybe we could...
1221
01:07:25,208 --> 01:07:26,369
...kiss or something?
1222
01:07:26,528 --> 01:07:28,576
Well, yeah, that's what I thought I...
1223
01:07:28,728 --> 01:07:30,571
Yeah. Okay.
1224
01:07:34,688 --> 01:07:35,894
Ow.
1225
01:07:36,128 --> 01:07:37,857
Where's Mom and Dad, dork?
1226
01:07:38,048 --> 01:07:40,050
I don't know.
Just go back inside the thing.
1227
01:07:40,208 --> 01:07:42,210
You were about to let that dingus kiss you?
1228
01:07:42,368 --> 01:07:44,018
Shut up, Kevin.
1229
01:07:44,168 --> 01:07:46,819
- Who is that?
- My stupid little brother.
1230
01:07:46,968 --> 01:07:49,335
I thought you said he was your big brother.
1231
01:07:49,488 --> 01:07:51,650
- I... Damn it!
- Dingus.
1232
01:07:51,808 --> 01:07:54,857
- Why do you take that from him?
- Am I supposed to hit him back?
1233
01:07:55,008 --> 01:07:56,851
- He's a little kid.
- He's a little shit.
1234
01:07:57,008 --> 01:08:01,855
- You don't have to let him push you around.
- I kind of thought I was taking the high road.
1235
01:08:02,008 --> 01:08:05,376
Yeah, that seems to be working out for you.
1236
01:08:06,488 --> 01:08:07,728
You know what?
1237
01:08:10,848 --> 01:08:12,338
Fuck it.
1238
01:08:13,968 --> 01:08:16,255
Okay, so you wanna do this now?
1239
01:08:16,408 --> 01:08:18,331
Bring it, bitch.
1240
01:08:20,168 --> 01:08:21,215
Wait, what?
1241
01:08:21,368 --> 01:08:22,574
No, no, no.
1242
01:08:23,288 --> 01:08:26,929
Wow, this is so easy.
You are such a little boy.
1243
01:08:28,368 --> 01:08:31,292
Unh! There's gonna be a few changes,
all right? No more bullying.
1244
01:08:31,448 --> 01:08:33,815
- Stop it. I'm telling Mom.
- Shut your mouth.
1245
01:08:33,968 --> 01:08:35,129
You gonna stop bullying?
1246
01:08:35,288 --> 01:08:36,858
You're hurting my tummy.
1247
01:08:37,008 --> 01:08:39,295
Say you're gonna stop,
you little piece of...
1248
01:08:39,528 --> 01:08:41,496
- ...ass.
- Wait, what?
1249
01:08:41,648 --> 01:08:43,537
- "Piece of ass"?
- You know what I mean.
1250
01:08:44,128 --> 01:08:46,256
What are you doing to my face?
1251
01:08:46,448 --> 01:08:47,813
- This hurts, doesn't it?
- Dude.
1252
01:08:47,967 --> 01:08:51,414
- How do you like your ears getting messed up?
- It's really not that bad.
1253
01:08:51,567 --> 01:08:54,650
- I'll tap you on the forehead.
- That's not how you beat someone up.
1254
01:08:54,807 --> 01:08:56,332
Very dehumanizing.
1255
01:08:56,487 --> 01:08:58,330
Your forehead's gonna be so sore.
1256
01:08:58,487 --> 01:09:00,377
Stop it! What are you doing?!
1257
01:09:00,528 --> 01:09:03,975
- How do you like your lips getting tickled?
- This is really weird.
1258
01:09:04,128 --> 01:09:05,857
JAMES:
Just smush your cheeks.
1259
01:09:06,008 --> 01:09:09,899
- You gonna stop bullying?
- Fine, I'll stop bullying. Just stop doing this.
1260
01:09:12,288 --> 01:09:13,414
Thank you, Adena.
1261
01:09:13,568 --> 01:09:14,854
This has been...
1262
01:09:15,128 --> 01:09:16,892
...the best night of my life.
1263
01:09:22,688 --> 01:09:24,577
Weird fucking family.
1264
01:09:26,568 --> 01:09:28,332
Well, that was awful.
1265
01:09:31,608 --> 01:09:33,576
At least the kids never woke up.
1266
01:09:42,888 --> 01:09:45,698
RUSTY: Passengers on the left side
of the Prancer will notice...
1267
01:09:45,888 --> 01:09:48,095
...the Grand Canyon out the window.
1268
01:09:48,248 --> 01:09:51,377
That's right.
Last stop before Walley World.
1269
01:10:03,488 --> 01:10:04,535
So, guys...
1270
01:10:04,688 --> 01:10:07,851
...when we visited the Grand Canyon
when I was a kid...
1271
01:10:08,008 --> 01:10:10,090
...we barely had a chance to look at it.
1272
01:10:10,248 --> 01:10:12,012
This time...
1273
01:10:12,168 --> 01:10:14,569
...we're gonna do a whole lot more
than look.
1274
01:10:15,248 --> 01:10:17,649
JAMES: Oh, cool.
DEBBIE: Sweet.
1275
01:10:21,848 --> 01:10:22,895
[CHUCKLES]
1276
01:10:23,128 --> 01:10:24,857
Hi, folks! Hi!
1277
01:10:25,048 --> 01:10:26,971
All right, let's see, who do we got here?
1278
01:10:27,128 --> 01:10:28,539
You must be...
1279
01:10:28,688 --> 01:10:30,338
...the Fung family.
1280
01:10:30,528 --> 01:10:31,689
Huh?
1281
01:10:32,808 --> 01:10:34,890
I'm just messing!
You're the Griswolds, right?
1282
01:10:35,048 --> 01:10:36,334
Yes, that's right.
1283
01:10:36,488 --> 01:10:40,379
Heh, right. The little guy's face
was like, "Fungs?"
1284
01:10:42,328 --> 01:10:44,649
Anyway, I'm Chad. I'm gonna be your guide.
1285
01:10:44,808 --> 01:10:47,539
- Okay. Hi, Chad.
- You couldn't have come on a better day.
1286
01:10:47,688 --> 01:10:48,928
I'll get you all geared up.
1287
01:10:49,088 --> 01:10:51,250
And, guess what, the river's
running way high...
1288
01:10:51,448 --> 01:10:53,974
...so I think we're in for
a pretty sweet ride, guys.
1289
01:10:54,128 --> 01:10:55,653
- Let's roll.
- All right.
1290
01:10:55,808 --> 01:10:57,378
Let's do this.
1291
01:10:57,568 --> 01:11:00,538
CHAD: Okay, gang, joke time is over.
Let's get serious for a second.
1292
01:11:00,688 --> 01:11:03,419
Go over a couple safety procedures
before we hit the water.
1293
01:11:03,568 --> 01:11:07,698
First off, do any of you know this river?
Because this is actually my first time.
1294
01:11:09,288 --> 01:11:11,336
I'm kidding, ha, ha.
1295
01:11:11,528 --> 01:11:15,010
Been doing this about three and a half years.
Know the river inside and out.
1296
01:11:15,168 --> 01:11:17,535
Got my guide certificate from
a Cracker Jack box.
1297
01:11:19,048 --> 01:11:21,528
Guys, it's a joke.
See the little kid's face? He's all:
1298
01:11:21,728 --> 01:11:23,730
"A Cracker Jack box? A what?!"
1299
01:11:23,928 --> 01:11:25,134
[LAUGHING]
1300
01:11:26,008 --> 01:11:28,090
All you gotta do is
follow my instructions...
1301
01:11:28,248 --> 01:11:30,854
...and we got a 50-50 chance
of coming back alive.
1302
01:11:32,768 --> 01:11:35,294
I'm kidding, guys.
See the little kid's face, he's all:
1303
01:11:35,448 --> 01:11:38,338
"I'm coming back alive! I don't wanna die!"
1304
01:11:38,488 --> 01:11:39,535
[PHONE RINGING]
1305
01:11:39,688 --> 01:11:42,248
Sorry, hang on a second.
I'm getting a call from my fiancée here.
1306
01:11:42,288 --> 01:11:45,292
Just got engaged two weeks ago,
so I think I'm gonna take this...
1307
01:11:45,448 --> 01:11:48,497
...or the river's not gonna be the only
hot water I'm in today.
1308
01:11:49,088 --> 01:11:50,613
River's actually very cold.
1309
01:11:50,768 --> 01:11:51,814
Hey, boo.
1310
01:11:52,887 --> 01:11:54,537
- Wow, this is awesome.
- Ah.
1311
01:11:54,687 --> 01:11:58,658
We're about to set sail through one of
America's greatest aquatic treasures.
1312
01:11:58,847 --> 01:12:01,134
- Kevin, don't hit your brother.
- I didn't.
1313
01:12:02,727 --> 01:12:05,458
You heard what he said
about the "aquatic treasures," right?
1314
01:12:05,647 --> 01:12:07,854
- Yeah.
- And you didn't wanna hit him?
1315
01:12:10,207 --> 01:12:11,811
- Well, that's progress.
- Wow.
1316
01:12:11,967 --> 01:12:14,891
I don't understand, though.
Like, what are you even saying?
1317
01:12:15,127 --> 01:12:17,016
But just like that?
1318
01:12:17,167 --> 01:12:19,534
I love you. You love me.
1319
01:12:19,687 --> 01:12:22,975
Tanya, please. Please, just let's
think about this for a second, honey.
1320
01:12:23,167 --> 01:12:26,376
You're all that I have in this world.
Tanya, no, babe.
1321
01:12:26,527 --> 01:12:30,168
No, Tanya, no. Please, don't hang up.
No, no! Goddamn it!
1322
01:12:31,647 --> 01:12:33,536
[SCREAMS, THEN SOBBING]
1323
01:12:50,487 --> 01:12:52,489
Who's ready to go on the river?
1324
01:12:52,687 --> 01:12:55,418
Um, are you okay, Chad?
1325
01:12:55,567 --> 01:12:56,932
Oh, yeah.
1326
01:12:57,087 --> 01:12:59,374
Turns out I'm not engaged anymore.
1327
01:12:59,527 --> 01:13:00,608
So...
1328
01:13:02,647 --> 01:13:03,933
All aboard.
1329
01:13:05,607 --> 01:13:07,097
DEBBIE:
I don't know about this, Russ.
1330
01:13:07,687 --> 01:13:09,177
Oh, come on.
1331
01:13:09,447 --> 01:13:10,687
He's kidding.
1332
01:13:31,207 --> 01:13:32,254
[SCREAMING]
1333
01:13:53,327 --> 01:13:54,374
[INAUDIBLE]
1334
01:14:03,607 --> 01:14:06,929
[INAUDIBLE]
Get it together!
1335
01:14:23,447 --> 01:14:24,687
[INAUDIBLE]
Oh, shit.
1336
01:14:26,487 --> 01:14:28,376
[INAUDIBLE]
Everybody out of the boat.
1337
01:14:38,527 --> 01:14:40,177
[CHAD SCREAMING]
1338
01:14:49,888 --> 01:14:51,458
Can we go home now?
1339
01:14:51,648 --> 01:14:52,695
What?
1340
01:14:52,888 --> 01:14:54,696
We're a day away from Walley World.
1341
01:14:54,847 --> 01:14:57,771
Dad, I don't think any of us
really care about Walley World.
1342
01:14:57,927 --> 01:15:00,851
The boys are right, Russ. I mean,
we almost died back there.
1343
01:15:01,007 --> 01:15:03,408
I mean, isn't it time that we just
cut our losses?
1344
01:15:03,887 --> 01:15:06,493
I cannot believe what I'm hearing.
1345
01:15:06,847 --> 01:15:08,178
Oh, my God.
1346
01:15:08,367 --> 01:15:09,607
[SEAL'S "KISS FROM A ROSE"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
1347
01:15:09,807 --> 01:15:13,857
Huh! All right, that has to be a sign, right?
We were meant to finish this trip.
1348
01:15:14,047 --> 01:15:16,209
Come on, guys, everybody sing it with me.
1349
01:15:16,367 --> 01:15:22,409
[SINGING] There used to be a graying tower
Alone on the sea
1350
01:15:22,567 --> 01:15:23,807
[STATIC OVER RADIO]
1351
01:15:23,967 --> 01:15:25,128
We're losing the station.
1352
01:15:25,287 --> 01:15:26,857
- [IN NORMAL VOICE]: We're not losing anything.
- Yes...
1353
01:15:27,007 --> 01:15:28,850
We just have to listen a little harder!
1354
01:15:29,327 --> 01:15:32,729
[SINGING] Love remained
A drug...
1355
01:15:32,887 --> 01:15:34,696
Okay, no, no, no. It's gone. It's gone.
1356
01:15:34,847 --> 01:15:36,133
- Just let it go.
RUSTY [IN NORMAL VOICE]: Fine.
1357
01:15:36,287 --> 01:15:39,689
Just thought we could all sing Seal
together like normal families do.
1358
01:15:39,887 --> 01:15:40,934
[DINGS]
1359
01:15:41,127 --> 01:15:42,891
- Oh, crap.
DEBBIE: Now what?
1360
01:15:43,047 --> 01:15:46,096
- We're almost out of gas.
- Oh, my God.
1361
01:15:46,287 --> 01:15:47,334
It's all right.
1362
01:15:47,487 --> 01:15:51,287
I'm sure we will find a place to fill up
around here before we run out.
1363
01:15:53,247 --> 01:15:54,328
DEBBIE:
Man.
1364
01:15:54,927 --> 01:15:56,497
No signal at all.
1365
01:15:58,687 --> 01:16:01,008
Wonder if the Prancer has
roadside assistance.
1366
01:16:01,207 --> 01:16:04,973
- How would we even call them?
- Maybe it's one of the buttons on the fob.
1367
01:16:05,127 --> 01:16:07,334
Seriously? You're gonna keep
pressing buttons?
1368
01:16:07,487 --> 01:16:10,457
- Well, we never tried the top hat.
- Oh, jeez.
1369
01:16:11,487 --> 01:16:12,648
DEBBIE:
Oh, my God!
1370
01:16:14,207 --> 01:16:16,414
Well, now we know what the top hat does.
1371
01:16:17,327 --> 01:16:20,888
I'm not gonna do the swastika.
All that's left is the muffin.
1372
01:16:23,407 --> 01:16:24,738
Come on, muffin.
1373
01:16:25,967 --> 01:16:27,173
[ENGINE REVS]
1374
01:16:27,407 --> 01:16:28,647
DEBBIE: What?
JAMES: It started.
1375
01:16:28,767 --> 01:16:30,212
- Yes.
- All right.
1376
01:16:30,367 --> 01:16:32,654
Oh, must be the extra gas tank.
1377
01:16:32,807 --> 01:16:33,854
- Right?
- The muffin.
1378
01:16:34,007 --> 01:16:35,611
RUSTY:
Dad to the rescue.
1379
01:16:35,767 --> 01:16:37,417
Thank God. Wait, where's it going?
1380
01:16:37,567 --> 01:16:38,728
Wait! Wait a minute!
1381
01:16:38,887 --> 01:16:40,127
[MAN SPEAKING IN KOREAN ON GPS]
1382
01:16:40,287 --> 01:16:41,647
- Make it stop!
- I don't know how!
1383
01:16:41,727 --> 01:16:43,138
I'll hit the muffin again!
1384
01:17:03,807 --> 01:17:07,050
- All right, we can handle this.
- Oh, no, no, no. Please, don't say that.
1385
01:17:07,207 --> 01:17:10,529
Do not say that we
can handle this, Russ. Okay?
1386
01:17:10,687 --> 01:17:12,212
- We can.
DEBBIE: No, we can't!
1387
01:17:12,367 --> 01:17:13,653
We can't!
1388
01:17:13,807 --> 01:17:16,890
From the moment we left for this trip,
nothing has gone right.
1389
01:17:17,087 --> 01:17:19,658
Can you please just admit that
this was a mistake?
1390
01:17:21,287 --> 01:17:23,767
But it wasn't. Right? We all wanted to go.
1391
01:17:23,967 --> 01:17:25,128
- I didn't.
- Me neither.
1392
01:17:25,287 --> 01:17:26,334
Me neither.
1393
01:17:26,487 --> 01:17:27,568
You wanted to go.
1394
01:17:27,727 --> 01:17:31,777
All right, I think tempers are getting
a little hot right now. We just have to, uh...
1395
01:17:33,487 --> 01:17:34,932
We just all have to...
1396
01:17:35,127 --> 01:17:36,492
[INHALES HEAVILY AND GRUNTS]
1397
01:17:37,367 --> 01:17:38,812
Fuck me!
1398
01:17:39,207 --> 01:17:40,413
I give up!
1399
01:17:40,607 --> 01:17:42,769
All I wanted to do was take
my fucking family...
1400
01:17:42,927 --> 01:17:45,771
...on a fucking trip to Walley World,
and ride the fucking Velociraptor!
1401
01:17:45,967 --> 01:17:48,732
Ow. There's a rock in that.
1402
01:17:50,887 --> 01:17:54,096
I guess I'm the asshole for trying to
bring my family closer together.
1403
01:17:54,287 --> 01:17:57,813
What do I get? Kids who don't wanna be
with me, and a wife who's miserable.
1404
01:17:57,966 --> 01:17:59,570
- Russ...
RUSTY: Oh, come on, Debbie.
1405
01:17:59,726 --> 01:18:04,175
You know it's true. You think you settled
for me. You think I'm a loser regional pilot.
1406
01:18:04,326 --> 01:18:05,612
Well, guess what.
1407
01:18:05,766 --> 01:18:08,417
I get offers from international
carriers all the time...
1408
01:18:08,646 --> 01:18:10,648
...and I turn them down. Why?
1409
01:18:10,846 --> 01:18:13,531
I don't wanna be away from you
and the kids that long.
1410
01:18:13,726 --> 01:18:15,057
I'm an idiot.
1411
01:18:15,206 --> 01:18:19,495
I should take one of those jobs
and fly off to the Pyramids of Zambezi...
1412
01:18:19,686 --> 01:18:22,087
...and the Lost Gardens of...
1413
01:18:22,246 --> 01:18:23,532
...wherever the fuck!
1414
01:18:24,166 --> 01:18:25,452
Just forget it.
1415
01:18:25,606 --> 01:18:27,893
Forget this whole stupid trip.
1416
01:18:28,806 --> 01:18:30,410
You people are on your own.
1417
01:18:30,566 --> 01:18:32,807
I'm sure you'll find a better
husband and father.
1418
01:18:32,966 --> 01:18:35,731
A cowboy with a huge six-pack...
1419
01:18:35,886 --> 01:18:37,888
...who will take you to Paris...
1420
01:18:38,046 --> 01:18:39,536
...and wrestling...
1421
01:18:40,406 --> 01:18:41,851
...and books.
1422
01:18:42,046 --> 01:18:43,127
What...?
1423
01:18:43,646 --> 01:18:44,977
Wait, where are you going?
1424
01:18:45,166 --> 01:18:46,816
Fuck if I know!
1425
01:18:47,286 --> 01:18:49,687
Ow. God!
1426
01:18:50,046 --> 01:18:53,175
These tumbleweeds are all filled
with things that are hard!
1427
01:18:56,286 --> 01:18:57,333
[ENGINE REVVING]
1428
01:19:01,406 --> 01:19:02,453
What the...?
1429
01:19:09,926 --> 01:19:11,496
Oh, no.
1430
01:19:13,366 --> 01:19:14,527
Help.
1431
01:19:14,886 --> 01:19:16,126
Help.
1432
01:19:16,846 --> 01:19:18,086
Help!
1433
01:19:18,366 --> 01:19:19,856
Help!
1434
01:19:20,286 --> 01:19:21,333
Stop!
1435
01:19:21,486 --> 01:19:22,976
Come on. Go, go, go.
1436
01:19:23,646 --> 01:19:25,011
Help!
1437
01:19:27,246 --> 01:19:28,293
No!
1438
01:19:30,126 --> 01:19:31,537
Help!
1439
01:19:43,006 --> 01:19:44,417
- Don't you kill him!
- Dad!
1440
01:19:44,606 --> 01:19:46,017
I'm so sorry.
1441
01:19:46,166 --> 01:19:48,612
When I called you a pedophile, I was...
1442
01:19:48,766 --> 01:19:49,813
No! No, no, no!
1443
01:19:49,966 --> 01:19:52,776
No! Not in front of my family!
1444
01:19:54,006 --> 01:19:56,486
Your wife left this in a
truck stop in Missouri.
1445
01:19:56,886 --> 01:19:58,490
Thought you might want it back.
1446
01:19:59,286 --> 01:20:00,811
Oh, my God.
1447
01:20:01,086 --> 01:20:02,531
Wait, wait.
1448
01:20:02,686 --> 01:20:04,256
Is that my ring?
1449
01:20:05,806 --> 01:20:08,457
This man's been trying to return it
to us the whole time.
1450
01:20:09,846 --> 01:20:11,974
I don't know how I could ever thank you.
1451
01:20:12,126 --> 01:20:13,616
No thanks necessary.
1452
01:20:13,966 --> 01:20:15,695
It was on my way.
1453
01:20:15,886 --> 01:20:17,012
So you're not a rapist?
1454
01:20:17,446 --> 01:20:18,652
[CHUCKLES]
1455
01:20:22,206 --> 01:20:24,254
Looks like your car's pretty messed up.
1456
01:20:25,406 --> 01:20:26,568
Where you headed?
1457
01:20:27,567 --> 01:20:28,807
Um...
1458
01:20:30,527 --> 01:20:32,131
Home, I guess.
1459
01:20:32,287 --> 01:20:35,655
Well, I can take you as far as
San Francisco. Will that help?
1460
01:20:37,687 --> 01:20:40,531
Yeah. Yeah, that'll work.
1461
01:20:40,967 --> 01:20:42,014
DEBBIE:
Thank you.
1462
01:20:42,207 --> 01:20:43,413
All right, come on, guys.
1463
01:20:43,567 --> 01:20:44,648
Thank you.
1464
01:20:47,887 --> 01:20:50,254
KEVIN: He still didn't answer me.
- Oh, Kevin.
1465
01:21:06,286 --> 01:21:09,051
Well, thanks for the ride.
Really appreciate it.
1466
01:21:09,206 --> 01:21:12,653
You never told us why you keep
that teddy bear on the front of your truck.
1467
01:21:12,806 --> 01:21:15,491
- Oh, yeah.
- It makes the kids feel more comfortable.
1468
01:21:15,646 --> 01:21:17,171
Oh, yeah? You have kids?
1469
01:21:17,366 --> 01:21:18,572
Nope.
1470
01:21:19,366 --> 01:21:20,856
Right. Take care.
1471
01:21:24,046 --> 01:21:25,571
[SIGHS]
1472
01:21:25,766 --> 01:21:28,770
Well, I guess that's that.
1473
01:21:28,926 --> 01:21:31,691
Yeah. We'll get a flight home tomorrow.
1474
01:21:31,846 --> 01:21:34,452
Do not stay here.
Worst bed and breakfast we've been to.
1475
01:21:34,606 --> 01:21:38,372
They ought to shut this place down.
The owner is a lunatic.
1476
01:21:38,886 --> 01:21:40,695
MAN:
You all come back now, you hear?
1477
01:21:40,926 --> 01:21:42,052
[CHUCKLES]
1478
01:21:42,246 --> 01:21:44,931
Hey, look who made it.
1479
01:21:45,086 --> 01:21:47,487
Ellen! Oh, there you are. They're here.
1480
01:21:47,686 --> 01:21:48,767
Hi, Dad.
1481
01:21:48,926 --> 01:21:50,894
- We were so happy to get that call.
DEBBIE: Hi.
1482
01:21:51,046 --> 01:21:52,491
How was your trip?
1483
01:21:52,646 --> 01:21:54,330
RUSTY: It's a long story.
- Give me a hug.
1484
01:21:54,526 --> 01:21:56,608
- Hi, Grandpa.
- Oh. Come here, you two.
1485
01:21:56,766 --> 01:21:59,531
Oh, my gosh. You're getting so big.
1486
01:21:59,686 --> 01:22:02,166
- Come on, let's go inside.
- Grandpa, you don't have to.
1487
01:22:02,366 --> 01:22:03,811
- No, I can do it. Really.
- Russ.
1488
01:22:03,966 --> 01:22:06,287
- Clark.
CLARK: Oh, no. I got this.
1489
01:22:06,446 --> 01:22:07,686
I'm fine.
1490
01:22:07,926 --> 01:22:09,815
KEVIN:
This really hurts.
1491
01:22:09,966 --> 01:22:12,890
Then the muffin made the car explode,
but it didn't matter.
1492
01:22:13,086 --> 01:22:15,612
Our luggage and all of our stuff
was already stolen...
1493
01:22:15,766 --> 01:22:18,849
- ...by the guy with the rat on his shoulder.
- Even took my guitar.
1494
01:22:19,006 --> 01:22:20,815
Oh, James, that's terrible.
1495
01:22:20,966 --> 01:22:23,572
A musician without his instrument is
as bad as...
1496
01:22:23,766 --> 01:22:25,609
...a shoemaker without a toilet seat.
1497
01:22:26,806 --> 01:22:28,649
Ah, I may have something for you.
1498
01:22:40,726 --> 01:22:42,091
It's very fragile. Look.
1499
01:22:42,286 --> 01:22:44,527
- You take care of that.
- Wow, Grandpa.
1500
01:22:44,686 --> 01:22:46,290
Thank you so much.
1501
01:22:46,446 --> 01:22:47,936
- Cool.
- Yeah.
1502
01:22:48,126 --> 01:22:51,130
Doesn't look like much,
but that's a very special guitar.
1503
01:22:51,286 --> 01:22:54,176
- It was given to me by Bob Dillon.
- The Bob Dylan?
1504
01:22:54,326 --> 01:22:55,657
No, a Bob Dillon.
1505
01:22:55,806 --> 01:22:57,854
D-I-L-L-O-N.
1506
01:22:58,046 --> 01:22:59,650
- An accountant friend of mine.
- Oh.
1507
01:22:59,846 --> 01:23:02,213
But it was given to him by Jimmy Hendricks.
1508
01:23:02,366 --> 01:23:04,573
- The Jimi Hendrix?
- No.
1509
01:23:04,886 --> 01:23:07,969
So how's the B-and-B business going?
1510
01:23:08,126 --> 01:23:11,414
Oh, we love it, are you kidding?
It's a great fit for us. We love visitors.
1511
01:23:11,606 --> 01:23:14,576
We love having people around
to care for. We're people people.
1512
01:23:14,726 --> 01:23:18,094
- Hey, guys. You mind if we join you?
- We're occupied right now. Beat it.
1513
01:23:21,046 --> 01:23:23,697
Ah, it's getting late. Go to bed, okay?
1514
01:23:23,846 --> 01:23:25,496
- Okay.
- Yeah. I'll run you upstairs.
1515
01:23:25,646 --> 01:23:29,367
- Good night, Grandma and Grandpa. Thank you.
- ELLEN: Nighty-night. Sleep tight.
1516
01:23:30,486 --> 01:23:33,251
Ah, well,
you've certainly had an adventure.
1517
01:23:33,406 --> 01:23:35,773
Well, yes.
"Adventure" is one way to put it.
1518
01:23:36,006 --> 01:23:37,167
[CHUCKLES]
1519
01:23:37,366 --> 01:23:39,209
- How's Audrey?
- Oh, she's great.
1520
01:23:39,686 --> 01:23:42,257
Yeah, she and Stone, they seem
to be very happy.
1521
01:23:42,406 --> 01:23:43,817
Key word there is "seem."
1522
01:23:43,966 --> 01:23:46,970
- What do you mean?
- Their marriage is a sham.
1523
01:23:47,126 --> 01:23:49,413
- What?
- Well, they sleep around on each other.
1524
01:23:49,566 --> 01:23:51,933
- Been doing it for years.
- Oh, my gosh.
1525
01:23:52,086 --> 01:23:57,377
I just wish Audrey had found a more
solid marriage like you and Rusty.
1526
01:24:11,965 --> 01:24:13,967
Hey, Russ, can we talk?
1527
01:24:15,725 --> 01:24:18,968
I knew we had some problems.
Is it this bad?
1528
01:24:20,325 --> 01:24:22,532
Is our marriage dying?
1529
01:24:22,685 --> 01:24:23,971
No.
1530
01:24:24,525 --> 01:24:27,096
No, a marriage only dies
when you stop trying.
1531
01:24:27,245 --> 01:24:29,566
And you have never stopped trying.
1532
01:24:30,485 --> 01:24:31,975
I just think...
1533
01:24:32,125 --> 01:24:33,615
...maybe I did.
1534
01:24:34,125 --> 01:24:35,172
What do you mean?
1535
01:24:36,005 --> 01:24:38,167
I've only been thinking about
myself, you know?
1536
01:24:38,325 --> 01:24:41,374
I wanted to change the routine,
and go on exotic trips and...
1537
01:24:41,565 --> 01:24:43,932
Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that.
1538
01:24:45,445 --> 01:24:49,814
I was crazy to think I could make us
closer by locking us in a car for a week.
1539
01:24:49,965 --> 01:24:51,933
No, but you were doing that for us.
1540
01:24:52,085 --> 01:24:57,535
You have been trying so hard to make
this trip memorable for me and the kids...
1541
01:24:57,685 --> 01:25:00,256
- ...and I didn't appreciate that.
- But why would you?
1542
01:25:00,405 --> 01:25:03,568
I mean, I've put you through
some serious shit.
1543
01:25:03,725 --> 01:25:06,376
Literally, a pool of shit in Arkansas.
1544
01:25:06,565 --> 01:25:07,976
[CHUCKLES]
1545
01:25:09,365 --> 01:25:11,288
You deserve better.
1546
01:25:12,245 --> 01:25:14,327
What, better than you?
1547
01:25:14,685 --> 01:25:19,088
How many men would sacrifice their
careers for their family like you have?
1548
01:25:19,405 --> 01:25:21,692
Oh, I didn't sacrifice anything.
1549
01:25:22,125 --> 01:25:24,332
I have everything I've ever wanted.
1550
01:25:36,845 --> 01:25:38,893
- Debbie.
- Yeah?
1551
01:25:39,085 --> 01:25:41,975
Will you continue to be my wife?
1552
01:25:42,125 --> 01:25:44,093
I wondered when you'd
give that back to me.
1553
01:25:44,245 --> 01:25:46,407
I was wondering if you still wanted it.
1554
01:25:46,565 --> 01:25:47,726
I do.
1555
01:25:55,725 --> 01:25:56,772
Wait a minute.
1556
01:25:56,925 --> 01:25:58,051
Are we gonna do this?
1557
01:25:58,205 --> 01:26:00,572
Oh, yeah. I'm gonna
pound the shit out of you.
1558
01:26:00,725 --> 01:26:01,886
- Russ.
- What?
1559
01:26:02,045 --> 01:26:03,490
Lock the door.
1560
01:26:03,645 --> 01:26:06,489
I'm gonna lock the shit out of that door.
1561
01:26:09,766 --> 01:26:12,246
- Hey, Dad.
- Morning, Rusty.
1562
01:26:12,406 --> 01:26:16,616
Could you drive us to the airport this afternoon?
There's a flight back to Chicago at 4.
1563
01:26:16,766 --> 01:26:18,177
Chicago?
1564
01:26:18,326 --> 01:26:20,055
What about Walley World?
1565
01:26:20,206 --> 01:26:23,574
Oh, no. We've, uh, had enough.
1566
01:26:23,726 --> 01:26:27,526
- This trip's been a nightmare.
- Well, that's what family vacations are.
1567
01:26:27,686 --> 01:26:30,087
- But you can't give up, Russ.
- Well, why not?
1568
01:26:30,246 --> 01:26:35,286
I mean, they always say "it's not
the destination, it's the journey," right?
1569
01:26:35,446 --> 01:26:36,686
The journey sucks.
1570
01:26:36,846 --> 01:26:39,417
That's what makes you appreciate
the destination.
1571
01:26:39,606 --> 01:26:41,973
You had a dream to take your family
to Walley World.
1572
01:26:42,126 --> 01:26:44,254
Never let that go.
1573
01:26:44,406 --> 01:26:45,931
I know I didn't.
1574
01:26:50,206 --> 01:26:53,016
How would we even get to
Walley World? We don't have a car.
1575
01:26:53,166 --> 01:26:54,611
MAN:
Hey, come on.
1576
01:26:56,286 --> 01:26:57,811
You leave that to me.
1577
01:26:58,286 --> 01:26:59,697
[LAUGHING]
1578
01:27:08,885 --> 01:27:10,569
Oops, wrong door.
1579
01:27:25,645 --> 01:27:27,647
Could I, uh, take the Nissan?
1580
01:27:27,805 --> 01:27:30,376
Ha, ha. No, no.
1581
01:27:41,925 --> 01:27:44,246
Wait, Dad, I thought we were going
to the airport.
1582
01:27:44,405 --> 01:27:47,136
Boys, when your father makes you
a promise, he keeps it.
1583
01:27:47,285 --> 01:27:49,333
- That's not right.
- This sucks.
1584
01:28:09,445 --> 01:28:12,767
- Wow, this place is huge.
- Ha, ha.
1585
01:28:12,925 --> 01:28:14,609
This is dope as fuck.
1586
01:28:14,765 --> 01:28:15,926
BOTH [IN UNISON]:
Kevin.
1587
01:28:16,685 --> 01:28:18,687
Told you you guys would love it, right?
1588
01:28:19,205 --> 01:28:20,411
Hey, Dad.
1589
01:28:21,765 --> 01:28:24,416
- It really is dope as fuck.
- I know, right?
1590
01:28:24,565 --> 01:28:25,726
- Guys!
- Oh, wait!
1591
01:28:31,005 --> 01:28:32,336
There she is.
1592
01:28:32,485 --> 01:28:34,135
The Velociraptor.
1593
01:28:34,765 --> 01:28:37,575
- I can't believe we actually made it.
- Heh, I know.
1594
01:28:39,125 --> 01:28:41,526
- You guys ready for the ride of your life?
- Oh, yeah.
1595
01:28:41,725 --> 01:28:44,012
- If I'm being honest, it looks a little daunting.
- Ah!
1596
01:28:44,165 --> 01:28:46,691
- Come on. Race you to the ride.
- Yeah, go, go! Faster!
1597
01:28:46,845 --> 01:28:48,085
Come on!
1598
01:29:01,685 --> 01:29:03,687
Two more hours, guys.
1599
01:29:08,245 --> 01:29:10,373
Oh, my gosh.
1600
01:29:10,525 --> 01:29:13,005
- All right, guys. Get psyched.
- Yes.
1601
01:29:13,165 --> 01:29:15,611
This is it.
This is why we came all this way.
1602
01:29:20,085 --> 01:29:21,655
Excuse us.
1603
01:29:23,005 --> 01:29:25,736
- What was that?
- Last ride tonight. Park's closing.
1604
01:29:25,885 --> 01:29:27,296
- No, we were next.
- What?
1605
01:29:29,245 --> 01:29:31,486
- That's not okay.
- Should be a misunderstanding.
1606
01:29:31,765 --> 01:29:33,290
Hey, excuse me.
1607
01:29:33,485 --> 01:29:35,169
You just cut in front of us.
1608
01:29:35,685 --> 01:29:38,894
No, see, we bought the Platinum Pass
so we get to skip the lines.
1609
01:29:39,045 --> 01:29:40,456
Fifth time today on this one.
1610
01:29:40,605 --> 01:29:45,486
Right, well, we just drove 2500 miles
to ride this ride...
1611
01:29:45,925 --> 01:29:47,734
...so you can't just take our spot.
1612
01:29:48,285 --> 01:29:49,810
Wait a minute, you...
1613
01:29:50,165 --> 01:29:51,291
Econo Air.
1614
01:29:51,445 --> 01:29:52,606
Yeah?
1615
01:29:53,125 --> 01:29:55,651
Good to see you.
All right, I'll tell you what.
1616
01:29:55,805 --> 01:29:59,332
Why don't you and your family
go fuck yourselves?
1617
01:30:04,605 --> 01:30:05,766
I'm sorry, guys.
1618
01:30:08,285 --> 01:30:09,446
Oh, my God!
1619
01:30:12,004 --> 01:30:13,130
Okay.
1620
01:30:13,524 --> 01:30:14,889
You're a dead man.
1621
01:30:15,284 --> 01:30:16,729
[GRUNTING]
1622
01:30:23,644 --> 01:30:25,806
- Get off!
- Oh, it's on.
1623
01:30:25,964 --> 01:30:27,011
Kevin, no!
1624
01:30:30,644 --> 01:30:32,055
No, you're not gonna fight.
1625
01:30:32,204 --> 01:30:34,969
- I'm not gonna stand here like a little bitch.
- What?
1626
01:30:35,484 --> 01:30:36,565
Oh, shit.
1627
01:31:10,884 --> 01:31:13,728
No, Kevin. Kevin, no. Kevin, come on.
1628
01:31:16,244 --> 01:31:18,406
You people are fucking crazy.
1629
01:31:18,564 --> 01:31:21,454
- What kind of a family are you?
- We're the Griswolds.
1630
01:31:21,604 --> 01:31:23,129
See you around...
1631
01:31:23,284 --> 01:31:25,127
...you piece of ass.
1632
01:31:26,564 --> 01:31:27,975
- Let's do this.
- All right.
1633
01:31:28,124 --> 01:31:31,810
- I haven't been in a fight like that for years.
- First car, all right.
1634
01:31:32,604 --> 01:31:34,971
Man, our family fucked that family up.
1635
01:31:35,124 --> 01:31:37,889
- We did.
- Did you see how I scratched that girl's arm?
1636
01:31:38,044 --> 01:31:40,570
Oh, I saw it, honey.
You gave her a good scratch.
1637
01:31:40,724 --> 01:31:43,011
My fingers still hurt a little,
but I'll be okay.
1638
01:31:43,164 --> 01:31:44,211
Oh, boy. Here we go.
1639
01:31:44,404 --> 01:31:46,406
- Hold on.
- Oh, gosh!
1640
01:32:01,605 --> 01:32:03,289
[HUMMING SEAL'S "KISS FROM A ROSE"]
1641
01:32:13,205 --> 01:32:18,086
ALL [SINGING]: There used to be a graying tower
Alone on the sea.
1642
01:32:19,325 --> 01:32:26,049
You became
The light on the dark side of me
1643
01:32:26,205 --> 01:32:32,611
Love remained
A drug that's the high and not the pill
1644
01:32:32,765 --> 01:32:35,416
But did you know
That when it snows
1645
01:32:35,565 --> 01:32:41,413
My eyes become large
And the light that you shine can be seen?
1646
01:32:41,565 --> 01:32:43,010
[SCREAMING]
1647
01:33:07,165 --> 01:33:09,247
DEBBIE: Russ?
- Yeah?
1648
01:33:09,405 --> 01:33:12,295
Is it supposed to stay upside-down
like this?
1649
01:33:12,445 --> 01:33:14,173
Yeah, I don't think so.
1650
01:33:14,364 --> 01:33:15,445
Oh.
1651
01:33:15,644 --> 01:33:17,533
Dad, are we stuck?
1652
01:33:17,804 --> 01:33:19,454
Looks that way, pal.
1653
01:33:20,484 --> 01:33:22,646
DEBBIE:
My eyes, they're starting to bulge.
1654
01:33:22,804 --> 01:33:24,727
RUSTY:
I'm sure they'll have us down any minute.
1655
01:33:27,164 --> 01:33:28,211
[CHATTERING]
1656
01:33:30,564 --> 01:33:34,125
Well, guys, what'd you think
of Walley World?
1657
01:33:36,804 --> 01:33:37,930
Yeah.
1658
01:33:39,524 --> 01:33:43,654
Listen, boys, I can't tell you how much it's
meant to me to spend all this time with you.
1659
01:33:44,124 --> 01:33:46,252
I love you more than anything in the world.
1660
01:33:46,444 --> 01:33:49,607
And if I could, I'd spend
every single day with you.
1661
01:33:50,644 --> 01:33:52,248
So we'll see you in a week.
1662
01:33:53,204 --> 01:33:56,174
- Wait, what's going on?
- Petersons will pick you up at O'Hare...
1663
01:33:56,324 --> 01:33:59,214
- ...and you'll stay with them.
- Where are we going?
1664
01:33:59,404 --> 01:34:02,374
Someplace I should've taken you
a long time ago.
1665
01:34:02,524 --> 01:34:04,811
DEBBIE:
How did you get free tickets to Paris?
1666
01:34:05,004 --> 01:34:06,813
RUSTY:
I used my connections as a pilot.
1667
01:34:07,004 --> 01:34:09,291
DEBBIE:
Oh, you're amazing, heh.
1668
01:34:09,964 --> 01:34:13,935
Well, you are my queen, and you
deserve to be treated like one.
1669
01:34:14,084 --> 01:34:15,131
[TOILET FLUSHES]
1670
01:34:19,364 --> 01:34:22,573
I know it's not exactly first-class...
1671
01:34:22,964 --> 01:34:25,251
- ...or coach...
- Honey...
1672
01:34:25,484 --> 01:34:28,090
- ...it's perfect.
- Yeah?
1673
01:34:38,404 --> 01:34:39,485
So...
1674
01:34:39,884 --> 01:34:41,124
...how long is the flight?
1675
01:34:41,284 --> 01:34:42,615
RUSTY:
Twelve hours.
1676
01:34:42,764 --> 01:34:43,890
[TOILET FLUSHES]
1677
01:34:44,084 --> 01:34:45,415
DEBBIE:
Perfect.
1677
01:34:46,305 --> 01:35:46,592
Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE
www.osdb.link/lm