1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE www.osdb.link/lm 2 00:01:00,685 --> 00:01:03,146 - Hi. How are you? - I'm good. Thanks. 3 00:01:03,646 --> 00:01:06,441 - Who do I make it out to? - Uh, Bobbi with an I. 4 00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:12,863 In the prologue, you say you wrote this book 5 00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:14,908 in order to better understand and accept death. 6 00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:16,701 Um... 7 00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:19,203 Yeah. It feels unnatural to me. 8 00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:21,538 I can't accept that something alive has to die. 9 00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:22,707 Thank you. 10 00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:25,083 - Ingrid... - Mm? 11 00:01:25,084 --> 00:01:27,878 We've fulfilled the hour. I mean, in fact, we've gone over. 12 00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:30,130 Well, there's still a lot of people waiting. 13 00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:33,383 - Yes. We'll do what you want. - Could you sign mine? 14 00:01:33,384 --> 00:01:35,761 Stella! I didn't see you. 15 00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,262 Why didn't you come straight up? 16 00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:40,224 Aw, I was embarrassed. You draw a crowd! 17 00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:41,683 - A lot of young people. - Thank you. 18 00:01:41,684 --> 00:01:43,060 Not just women. 19 00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:45,229 Stella, this is Anh. Anh, my friend Stella. 20 00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:46,605 - Good to meet you. - Nice to meet you. 21 00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:48,357 I'm gonna stay until I've signed for everybody. 22 00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:50,943 Yes. I'll just make sure that no one else joins the line. 23 00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:51,945 Okay. 24 00:01:52,987 --> 00:01:54,780 I haven't seen you in forever. 25 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,365 I'm living in Boston now. 26 00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:57,533 I came to see my son, 27 00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,577 and to visit Martha in the hospital. 28 00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:04,456 You know she has cancer, right? It's a bad one. 29 00:02:04,457 --> 00:02:05,375 Martha? 30 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:06,792 Martha Hunt? 31 00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:10,003 Yes. She's at Manhattan Memorial Cancer Center. 32 00:02:10,004 --> 00:02:11,588 I thought you would've heard. 33 00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:13,423 No. To be honest, I haven't seen her in years. 34 00:02:13,424 --> 00:02:15,717 Martha is sick? I can't imagine it. 35 00:02:15,718 --> 00:02:17,554 If you go see her, it'll make her very happy. 36 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:19,847 Yeah. Of course. 37 00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:21,181 Of course, I will. 38 00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:24,977 Um, thank you so much for coming. I really appreciate it. 39 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,103 Congratulations. 40 00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:27,229 - Thank you. - Mm. 41 00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:28,272 - I'll see you soon. - Thanks. 42 00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:29,315 - Bye. - Bye. 43 00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:33,236 Hi. 44 00:02:35,363 --> 00:02:37,782 - Who do I make this out to? - Frances. 45 00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:41,577 - Is that you? - No, it's my girlfriend. 46 00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:42,579 She really admires you. 47 00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:44,956 - So do I. - Thank you. 48 00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:51,337 Could you write "It won't happen again"? 49 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,008 Of course, I can. 50 00:02:56,175 --> 00:02:58,469 Yes. Thank you. It won't happen again. 51 00:03:00,763 --> 00:03:01,848 I hope not. 52 00:03:18,072 --> 00:03:20,574 Hi. I'm here to see Martha Hunt. 53 00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:22,284 I think she's on the 16th floor. 54 00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:23,620 Okay. One sec. 55 00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:28,123 Yes. Room 1614. 56 00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:30,792 Uh, the elevator is at the end of the hall, on the left. 57 00:03:30,793 --> 00:03:32,086 - Thanks. - No problem. 58 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:54,943 Martha? 59 00:03:56,527 --> 00:03:57,862 Ingrid! 60 00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:00,865 What a surprise! 61 00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:02,616 How did you hear? 62 00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:04,619 - I ran into Stella. She told me. - Oh! 63 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:09,206 I'm so sorry, I didn't even know you were sick. 64 00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:11,959 Oh, well, you with your work and me with mine. 65 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,503 I mean, time's gotten away from us. 66 00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:16,380 Yes, and I was living in Paris. 67 00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:19,174 Yeah, I heard. I've been reading about you. 68 00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:23,136 I know you have published another book and it's doing very well. 69 00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:24,347 Thank you. 70 00:04:25,556 --> 00:04:26,557 So... 71 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:28,601 How are you? 72 00:04:29,894 --> 00:04:32,021 I'm sure you're sick of telling everybody. 73 00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:35,900 Well, it's cervical cancer. Stage three. 74 00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:39,236 It isn't operable, but they're treating me, so... 75 00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,698 looks like I'm not gonna die quite yet. 76 00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:47,412 Um, I've become a guinea pig for an experimental treatment 77 00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:50,205 and the results are better than the doctors expected. 78 00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:51,331 - Great! - Yeah. 79 00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:53,793 That's great! Well, you seem like you're in good spirits. 80 00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:57,754 Well, I swing between euphoria and depression. 81 00:04:57,755 --> 00:04:59,298 Oh, I'm so sorry. 82 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:02,677 No, it's normal, and the doctors warned me, you know. 83 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:04,554 - Some highs and lows. - Mm-hm. 84 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:06,556 Mm-hm. 85 00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:08,975 It will sound absurd... 86 00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:13,313 but after all the accepting and preparing to face the end... 87 00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:17,316 survival feels almost disappointing. 88 00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,734 Oh, don't say that. 89 00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:20,570 No, I was prepared to leave. 90 00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:27,035 In fact, when they gave me the initial diagnosis, 91 00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:28,702 I didn't want any treatment. 92 00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:30,663 Well, I'm glad you changed your mind. 93 00:05:31,914 --> 00:05:34,375 'Cause, you know, just the thought... 94 00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:36,460 And then... that I wouldn't know... 95 00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:38,796 Anyway, I realized that I really... 96 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:42,799 I'm not ready to abandon the party just yet. 97 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:43,717 Mm. 98 00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:47,138 But I had truly gotten used to the idea. 99 00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:50,682 Well, I suppose that it's good to get used to the idea, 100 00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:52,268 but without giving up, right? 101 00:05:53,394 --> 00:05:55,313 You've been through a lot of wars, remember? 102 00:05:55,813 --> 00:05:57,565 I live with them every day. 103 00:06:00,568 --> 00:06:03,320 Oh, Ingrid, I'm so happy to see you. 104 00:06:03,321 --> 00:06:06,114 I almost called you a thousand times. 105 00:06:06,115 --> 00:06:07,199 - Me, too! - I'm sorry. 106 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,117 It's ridiculous that we haven't seen each other. 107 00:06:09,118 --> 00:06:11,828 I promise I'm gonna visit until you get sick of me. 108 00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:12,872 Will you? 109 00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:14,373 You promise? 110 00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:16,374 I'm gonna hold you to that. 111 00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:17,960 Your daughter knows, I guess. 112 00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:20,171 Yes. 113 00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:25,801 When I first made up my mind to forgo any treatment, 114 00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:26,719 I told her... 115 00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:29,514 and she just said... 116 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:31,808 "It's your choice." 117 00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:36,270 Period. As if it was something trivial, 118 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:39,482 something that had nothing to do with her. 119 00:06:41,025 --> 00:06:42,777 - How are you two getting along? - Oh. 120 00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:44,694 Same as ever. 121 00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:46,113 We're barely in touch. 122 00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:47,614 What does she do? 123 00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:48,824 She's doing well. 124 00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:52,328 She is, uh, an agent for classical musicians. 125 00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:57,083 It might sound horrible... 126 00:06:58,709 --> 00:07:01,420 but I don't feel like she's my daughter. 127 00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:06,883 I fantasize frequently about her being swapped at birth. 128 00:07:06,884 --> 00:07:07,844 What? 129 00:07:08,344 --> 00:07:11,012 What are you talking about? She looks just like you. 130 00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:12,306 She has your face. 131 00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:16,853 I never interested her as a mother. 132 00:07:18,062 --> 00:07:18,979 Why not? 133 00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:21,232 I was a teenager when I had her. 134 00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:24,652 I didn't know what to do with a baby. 135 00:07:26,195 --> 00:07:29,448 And when we started working at Paper Magazine, you remember? 136 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,575 We practically lived at night. 137 00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:34,369 - You remember New York in the '80s? - Yeah. 138 00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:36,789 Anything important happened at night. 139 00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:43,880 And then I went to work as a war correspondent, 140 00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:45,673 traveling constantly. 141 00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:47,592 I mean, that didn't help. 142 00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,678 My work just completely took over. 143 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:58,144 I was never what a mother is supposed to be. 144 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:05,818 But Michelle started to hate me long before I was away so much. 145 00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:11,491 I remember feeling her resentment even when she was a little girl. 146 00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:16,871 She made herself very clear. 147 00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:25,963 She couldn't bear not having a father. 148 00:08:27,965 --> 00:08:30,509 She saw other girls with their fathers 149 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:33,137 and she wanted to know about hers. 150 00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,934 At first, I told her I didn't know who he was, but... 151 00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,147 ...it kind of made things worse. 152 00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,192 I was lying to her. 153 00:08:47,818 --> 00:08:49,904 Of course, I knew who her father was. 154 00:08:50,738 --> 00:08:52,114 His name was Fred. 155 00:08:57,954 --> 00:09:00,957 We dated for a few months before he was drafted. 156 00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:05,586 And then went away to fight, towards the end of Vietnam. 157 00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:10,132 When he came back, a year later, he was... 158 00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:12,092 somebody different. 159 00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:14,386 Fred! What happened? 160 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,222 He was a broken toy. 161 00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:20,600 Hey. Hey, it's okay. 162 00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:23,979 I'm here. It's all over now, Fred. You're back home. 163 00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,481 But it is not over for me. 164 00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:30,528 I still got the war inside my head. 165 00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:33,990 I can't get free of it. 166 00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:38,202 I hallucinate every single day. 167 00:09:41,497 --> 00:09:44,082 And I was high practically all the time. 168 00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:50,756 I don't know what I'm doing with my life... 169 00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,342 but I'm not staying here. 170 00:09:58,264 --> 00:09:59,181 It's all right. 171 00:10:00,891 --> 00:10:02,268 Feel free to do what you like. 172 00:10:03,477 --> 00:10:05,396 Think about what's best for you. 173 00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:10,318 Okay. 174 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:13,821 Thanks. 175 00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:20,328 Can I kiss you? 176 00:10:46,103 --> 00:10:47,688 Mm. Mm. 177 00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:51,400 - Does Michelle know this? - Oh. 178 00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:57,365 She started asking about her father as soon as she could talk. 179 00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:04,372 But it's not something you can explain to a child, right? 180 00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:09,043 By puberty, she carved out quite an abyss between us. 181 00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:11,629 It came to define her adolescence. 182 00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:15,800 But, by then, I was no longer there. 183 00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:20,054 I was in New York, with you, living my life. 184 00:11:22,431 --> 00:11:24,432 I arranged to meet Fred one evening 185 00:11:24,433 --> 00:11:26,393 to tell him about the situation. 186 00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:29,271 So, I took a first-aid course 187 00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:32,816 and, because I'm a war veteran, they've hired me at a hospital, 188 00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:33,984 down in San Diego. 189 00:11:36,278 --> 00:11:37,780 It's good news, right? 190 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,075 I have some news for you, too. 191 00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:43,953 I'm pregnant. 192 00:11:45,913 --> 00:11:48,749 - Pregnant? - Yes. 193 00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:53,254 But I was planning on moving to San Diego next week. 194 00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:56,881 Then what are we gonna do? 195 00:11:56,882 --> 00:12:00,094 Whatever I do, my parents will support me, so... 196 00:12:00,719 --> 00:12:01,762 I'm not alone. 197 00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:05,224 Hmm. 198 00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:09,811 I don't think working in a hospital was the best thing 199 00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:11,439 for such a damaged person. 200 00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:13,566 It's the closest thing to war. 201 00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:16,609 He needed therapy and rehab. 202 00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:19,155 Yeah, that would have been more sensible, 203 00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:22,158 but he wanted to be useful, 204 00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:24,910 to ease his conscience. 205 00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:29,123 He believed that helping people between life and death 206 00:12:29,748 --> 00:12:33,711 was his best chance of getting back any peace. 207 00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:38,132 I could only free him of any responsibility. 208 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:41,427 He left before Michelle was born. 209 00:12:42,261 --> 00:12:43,345 He never knew her. 210 00:12:43,971 --> 00:12:46,222 He-- 211 00:12:46,223 --> 00:12:49,643 He didn't call once to ask about her. 212 00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:52,980 When did you tell her? 213 00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:55,274 She was about 12. 214 00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:59,612 She wanted to know where he was living, 215 00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:02,198 and I didn't know anymore. 216 00:13:03,532 --> 00:13:05,201 She was so insistent 217 00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:09,830 that I tracked down an old friend of his from high school... 218 00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:15,127 who told me that Fred had gotten married 219 00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:17,505 and had recently died. 220 00:13:19,715 --> 00:13:22,843 I asked him for his wife's number... 221 00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:25,554 and then I called her. 222 00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:28,682 I wanted to know what had happened. 223 00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:34,104 She told me they were coming home after a trip. 224 00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:38,901 Is that smoke? 225 00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:40,903 Yes. 226 00:13:42,029 --> 00:13:43,572 Something's on fire. 227 00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:45,366 There's a house on fire. 228 00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:49,912 We should call the fire department. 229 00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:57,835 Stop the car. 230 00:13:57,836 --> 00:13:58,879 Fred... 231 00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:07,012 What are you doing? 232 00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:09,013 - I'm gonna take a look. - No! 233 00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:10,848 That's crazy! Fred! 234 00:14:10,849 --> 00:14:13,560 - There might be someone inside. - Fred, stop! Stop! 235 00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:16,980 Don't go in. It's dangerous! Look at me, I'm here. 236 00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:18,106 Let's find a gas station 237 00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:20,358 and call the fire department, please. 238 00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:23,404 - Don't you hear the screams? - No, I don't hear anything. 239 00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:28,158 Fred, please! Fred! Fred! 240 00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:30,661 Fred, don't go in there! 241 00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:35,123 Don't you hear the screams? 242 00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:37,459 There's someone inside crying for help! 243 00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:40,254 Fred! 244 00:14:52,099 --> 00:14:54,225 Sir! Sir! 245 00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:56,352 Please, help me! 246 00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:58,730 - Sir! Sir, please! - Let's go! 247 00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,940 - Please, my husband's inside! - Ladder up! 248 00:15:00,941 --> 00:15:02,692 Sir! My husband's inside! 249 00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:04,068 My husband's inside! 250 00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:05,653 He thought he heard voices crying for help. 251 00:15:05,654 --> 00:15:06,988 Put two lines on the back side, guys! 252 00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:10,366 He went into the house trying to save whoever was trapped by the fire. 253 00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:11,910 Okay, get back in your car. Do not go over there. 254 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,912 - I will stay here. Okay. - Please, ma'am. Is there someone else? 255 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,663 - No, I don't know! - Ladder up, guys! Ladder! 256 00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:18,291 There's a civilian inside! Get back in your car, ma'am, please. 257 00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:19,752 Come on, come on. Hurry up. 258 00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:22,087 All right, get in there! Get in that top window. 259 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:26,550 There you go. It's gonna blow out. 260 00:15:29,136 --> 00:15:30,054 Okay, boys. 261 00:15:39,855 --> 00:15:41,607 I'm sorry, there was nothing we could do. 262 00:15:44,526 --> 00:15:46,487 He didn't get to the second floor. 263 00:15:47,529 --> 00:15:49,781 He must have passed out from the smoke and the flames. 264 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,115 And the other bodies? 265 00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:52,367 There's nobody else. 266 00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:54,702 This house has been abandoned for a long time. 267 00:15:54,703 --> 00:15:55,870 There was only your husband. 268 00:15:55,871 --> 00:15:57,164 But he... 269 00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:00,708 He told me he heard screams for help... 270 00:16:00,709 --> 00:16:02,169 Impossible, ma'am. 271 00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:04,880 There was no one else. 272 00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:06,674 It's true. 273 00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:11,053 I didn't hear the screams either. 274 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,599 I tried to stop him from going in, but... 275 00:16:16,892 --> 00:16:18,017 I didn't. 276 00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:19,269 He was very brave. 277 00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:21,604 Did you tell Michelle all of this? 278 00:16:21,605 --> 00:16:23,941 I had to give her every detail. 279 00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:27,735 I even gave her her father's wife's phone number. 280 00:16:27,736 --> 00:16:29,153 You know what? 281 00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:31,114 Let's get you back to bed. You're tired. 282 00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:32,532 Yeah, but I have to tell you this. 283 00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:34,785 Well, we can... We can talk more later. 284 00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:37,579 So, one day... 285 00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:42,875 - I got a call from Fred's wife. - Okay. 286 00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:46,421 And she told me that she wanted an address. 287 00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,673 - Mm-hm. - She wanted to send me something. 288 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:49,758 Mm-hm. 289 00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:51,593 And, shortly after, 290 00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:55,639 I received a note in the mail and a letter... 291 00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:59,435 that the wife received from Michelle, 292 00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:01,979 introducing herself 293 00:17:02,604 --> 00:17:04,481 and saying that it was her, 294 00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:06,275 Fred's daughter, 295 00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:09,194 who had been in the burning house. 296 00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:12,990 "It was me he tried to save. 297 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:17,119 It was me for whom he died." 298 00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:20,372 That's what Michelle said to the wife. 299 00:17:20,914 --> 00:17:21,915 That's insane! 300 00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:23,333 Yes. 301 00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:32,259 Hi! 302 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,428 It's Martha, the nuisance. 303 00:17:34,678 --> 00:17:36,013 You're not a nuisance. 304 00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:37,765 How are you feeling? 305 00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:39,682 Fine. I'm at home. 306 00:17:39,683 --> 00:17:42,393 The hospital's given me a few days off between treatments, 307 00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:43,395 so I'm at home. 308 00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,481 I'd love for you to come over. 309 00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:48,858 Ooh. You've caught me in the middle of moving. 310 00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:51,111 Oh, then you're really busy, right? 311 00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:52,653 Um... 312 00:17:52,654 --> 00:17:54,781 Well, you know what moving's like. 313 00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:58,910 But, um, if you're feeling lonely, I could stop by, 314 00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,661 we could take a walk in the park. 315 00:18:00,662 --> 00:18:02,790 I might not be quite up for a walk. 316 00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:06,334 Um, okay, you know what? Let me, um... 317 00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:10,047 Let me finish what I'm doing and I'll be right over. 318 00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:13,342 Thanks, sweetheart, but don't feel obliged. 319 00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,202 - These are for you. - You are a darling. 320 00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:44,122 - And I've brought you a couple of books. - Oh! Thank you. 321 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,832 - Mm-hm. - You want something to drink? 322 00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:47,751 Oh. Love some tea. 323 00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:50,129 - Herbal tea if you have it. - Sure. 324 00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:52,506 - I'll put these in a vase. - Okay. 325 00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:56,175 And all of this is for you. 326 00:18:56,176 --> 00:18:57,844 You have to finish all of it. 327 00:18:57,845 --> 00:19:00,012 Wow! Well, I will do my best. 328 00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:01,681 I love fruit. 329 00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:09,313 - Are you working on something new? - Um, yeah, actually, I am. 330 00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:13,443 I'm doing research on the painter Dora Carrington and her, um, 331 00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:17,655 mm, intense relationship with the writer Lytton Strachey. 332 00:19:17,656 --> 00:19:19,782 - Mm-hm. - Here he is. 333 00:19:19,783 --> 00:19:21,534 Uh, Strachey was gay, 334 00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:25,747 so she married the straight man that he was infatuated with. 335 00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:28,624 It's gonna be the story of the trio. 336 00:19:28,625 --> 00:19:32,003 It isn't groundbreaking, but I want to see where it takes me. 337 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,629 Here, look. 338 00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:37,592 Um, unfortunately for her, there was another more famous painter... 339 00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:38,801 - Leonora Carrington. - Yes, 340 00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:40,845 the surrealist Leonora Carrington, 341 00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:42,931 whose name was obviously very similar to hers. 342 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,058 Um... 343 00:19:46,059 --> 00:19:47,019 Dora... 344 00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:52,316 was better known for this bizarre love story with Strachey. 345 00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:57,528 She devoted 17 years of her life to him. 346 00:19:57,529 --> 00:19:58,738 - Wow. - Mm. 347 00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:00,782 It'll be a fictionalized biography, so... 348 00:20:01,408 --> 00:20:03,118 I'll make some stuff up, too. 349 00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:07,706 I've never been able to allow myself that. 350 00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:09,541 Hmm. 351 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,001 Well, I hope not. 352 00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:12,794 You're a war reporter. 353 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:14,922 Yeah, you have to. 354 00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:16,965 You know, you can't show your emotions. 355 00:20:17,090 --> 00:20:20,594 You have to block them out so you can do your job 356 00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:23,721 and stay in the present in the middle of whatever hell. 357 00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:26,265 Maybe I should write about you and not Carrington. 358 00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:27,475 I don't think you'd enjoy 359 00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:29,602 writing about illnesses and treatments. 360 00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:30,895 You're wrong. 361 00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:31,980 I'm just a journalist, 362 00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:34,650 addicted to wars and adrenaline. 363 00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:37,110 You think that's nothing? 364 00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:40,239 Wasn't all tragedy. 365 00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:41,990 You know, life went on. 366 00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:47,412 There was one report when I added a bit of fiction. 367 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:48,955 Really? 368 00:20:48,956 --> 00:20:51,291 Actually, I never published it. 369 00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:54,753 It was during the war in Iraq. 370 00:20:55,295 --> 00:20:57,798 On the last day, before we left Baghdad. 371 00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:00,424 Are you sure this is the right way? 372 00:21:00,425 --> 00:21:03,262 Yeah, just make a left here in this alley. 373 00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:05,847 Let's make this brief. 374 00:21:09,393 --> 00:21:10,435 Here. Stop here. 375 00:21:20,237 --> 00:21:23,365 Martin, what are you doing here in Baghdad? 376 00:21:25,575 --> 00:21:28,077 - You look great. You really do. - Thank you. 377 00:21:28,078 --> 00:21:30,162 Yeah, I'm sorry. Paco, Martin. 378 00:21:30,163 --> 00:21:31,455 He's a Carmelite, like me. 379 00:21:31,456 --> 00:21:33,541 Pleasure. Let me introduce you to Martha. 380 00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:35,584 She is a brilliant journalist from The New York Times. 381 00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:39,171 They are the Carmelites I was telling you about. 382 00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:40,549 It's a pleasure to meet you both. 383 00:21:41,008 --> 00:21:42,718 Are you intending to stay in Baghdad? 384 00:21:43,218 --> 00:21:45,595 - Yes, here we are. - But you're alone. 385 00:21:46,221 --> 00:21:48,557 All the NGOs, the Red Cross have left already. 386 00:21:49,224 --> 00:21:50,224 I know. 387 00:21:50,225 --> 00:21:53,395 The situation is out of control. It's very dangerous. 388 00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:54,854 You're here as well. 389 00:21:54,855 --> 00:21:56,147 Yeah, but we're just passing through. 390 00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:58,899 We're leaving as soon as we finish talking to you. 391 00:21:58,900 --> 00:22:00,318 We can't let them down now, 392 00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:02,153 this is when the people need us most. 393 00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:06,074 That's true, but it's still extremely dangerous. 394 00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:08,744 But then you know that. 395 00:22:09,494 --> 00:22:11,621 We can't let them down now, señora. 396 00:22:13,081 --> 00:22:16,418 Do you mind if we take a photo of you and how the mission has been left? 397 00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:19,004 Okay. 398 00:22:19,421 --> 00:22:21,547 You can photograph the mission and me, 399 00:22:21,548 --> 00:22:25,092 but he doesn't want to risk his family in Spain seeing him. 400 00:22:25,093 --> 00:22:26,385 - They'd worry. - Yeah, of course. 401 00:22:26,386 --> 00:22:27,386 Totally understand, 402 00:22:27,387 --> 00:22:29,096 but if we could get one of you, it would be great. 403 00:22:29,097 --> 00:22:30,599 - Okay. - Sure. 404 00:22:31,808 --> 00:22:33,018 - Here? - Yeah. 405 00:22:33,685 --> 00:22:36,729 Just perhaps a little tiny step closer... 406 00:22:36,730 --> 00:22:38,564 Yeah, that's fine, so that I can see the impacts. 407 00:22:44,488 --> 00:22:45,489 I think you have it. 408 00:22:48,158 --> 00:22:49,076 How long has it been... 409 00:22:50,077 --> 00:22:51,410 since we last saw each other? 410 00:22:51,411 --> 00:22:52,412 Five years. 411 00:22:53,205 --> 00:22:54,456 Five years. 412 00:22:55,499 --> 00:22:56,541 Wow. 413 00:22:58,126 --> 00:22:59,211 Do you remember Liberia? 414 00:23:00,045 --> 00:23:01,171 How could I forget? 415 00:23:03,256 --> 00:23:05,675 Look, I have some photos of you that we didn't publish. 416 00:23:07,094 --> 00:23:09,011 If you give me an address, I can send them to you. 417 00:23:09,012 --> 00:23:10,096 Maybe to the Embassy. 418 00:23:10,097 --> 00:23:11,264 No, you keep them. 419 00:23:12,015 --> 00:23:13,849 That way I'll keep you company. 420 00:23:13,850 --> 00:23:15,685 Okay. 421 00:23:18,188 --> 00:23:20,065 It was really great seeing you. 422 00:23:20,607 --> 00:23:21,482 Take care. 423 00:23:21,483 --> 00:23:22,901 - Goodbye. - Be safe. 424 00:23:27,781 --> 00:23:29,282 How do you know the Carmelite? 425 00:23:32,369 --> 00:23:33,578 We met in Sierra Leone. 426 00:23:35,747 --> 00:23:36,998 We became lovers there. 427 00:23:37,707 --> 00:23:39,334 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 428 00:23:40,627 --> 00:23:42,586 After that, we met more times. 429 00:23:42,587 --> 00:23:44,755 Always in places that were at war. 430 00:23:44,756 --> 00:23:46,215 And you had sex? 431 00:23:46,216 --> 00:23:48,468 Well, of course, yeah. 432 00:23:49,052 --> 00:23:51,304 Bernardo never renounced physical pleasure. 433 00:23:52,556 --> 00:23:54,766 He was always in the most conflictive places. 434 00:23:55,350 --> 00:23:57,727 And I think that sex was his best shield. 435 00:24:00,105 --> 00:24:02,523 I'm pretty sure the Carmelite is his partner. 436 00:24:02,524 --> 00:24:03,732 You think so? 437 00:24:03,733 --> 00:24:04,860 Definitely. 438 00:24:06,069 --> 00:24:07,653 That is the only way he can stay in Baghdad 439 00:24:07,654 --> 00:24:08,697 and not be afraid of the war. 440 00:24:10,073 --> 00:24:12,284 - What a wonderful story. - Yup. 441 00:24:14,494 --> 00:24:17,497 - Don't you dare write it. - No, no, no, of course not. 442 00:24:20,208 --> 00:24:22,586 But how about sin for him? 443 00:24:23,378 --> 00:24:26,422 I mean, don't they feel guilty? After all, they are Catholic. 444 00:24:26,423 --> 00:24:28,675 Yeah, I don't know. He never talked about that. 445 00:24:30,677 --> 00:24:32,762 With all the horrors you see in war, 446 00:24:33,430 --> 00:24:36,141 feeling guilty about having sex doesn't really carry much weight. 447 00:24:37,601 --> 00:24:39,060 You simply get used to it. 448 00:24:39,686 --> 00:24:40,520 I know that. 449 00:24:44,149 --> 00:24:45,816 I wrote their story, 450 00:24:45,817 --> 00:24:48,236 their love story, as I imagined it, 451 00:24:49,571 --> 00:24:51,281 but it stayed in my computer. 452 00:24:53,283 --> 00:24:57,494 So, you're gonna write about Dora Carrington's insane love. 453 00:24:57,495 --> 00:24:58,537 Mm-hm. 454 00:24:58,538 --> 00:25:00,331 And her connection to Virginia Woolf, 455 00:25:00,332 --> 00:25:03,500 who Strachey also pursued romantically. 456 00:25:03,501 --> 00:25:04,753 What a group! 457 00:25:05,212 --> 00:25:07,338 I so admire their freedom. 458 00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:11,508 Strachey died of stomach cancer 18 years after meeting Dora 459 00:25:11,509 --> 00:25:14,511 and Dora survived him by barely two months 460 00:25:14,512 --> 00:25:16,722 before she shot herself in the stomach. 461 00:25:16,723 --> 00:25:18,308 She was only 38. 462 00:25:19,559 --> 00:25:22,145 I'm struck by the symmetry of that kind of gesture, 463 00:25:22,646 --> 00:25:26,065 his stomach cancer and her shooting herself in the stomach. 464 00:25:26,066 --> 00:25:27,817 I know, it struck me, too. 465 00:25:28,568 --> 00:25:32,155 I wonder what Virginia Woolf thought of Carrington's death? 466 00:25:32,989 --> 00:25:34,866 Maybe Virginia saw... 467 00:25:35,575 --> 00:25:36,700 a kind of warning, 468 00:25:36,701 --> 00:25:38,954 a mirror that reflected her? 469 00:25:39,496 --> 00:25:40,830 As if they were fated? 470 00:25:43,250 --> 00:25:44,833 Do you think I'm fated, too? 471 00:25:44,834 --> 00:25:47,712 No! Of course not. 472 00:25:48,129 --> 00:25:50,464 I've never known anyone more alive than you. 473 00:25:50,465 --> 00:25:54,260 This week I'm starting a new experimental immunotherapy treatment. 474 00:25:54,261 --> 00:25:55,178 Uh-huh. 475 00:25:55,762 --> 00:25:56,762 They've already tried it 476 00:25:56,763 --> 00:25:59,556 and it seems to work well with cases of cervical cancer. 477 00:25:59,557 --> 00:26:01,434 - Well, that's great news! - Yeah. 478 00:26:02,269 --> 00:26:03,769 Let me know when I can come and visit you, okay? 479 00:26:03,770 --> 00:26:04,938 I will. 480 00:26:07,315 --> 00:26:09,567 - Talking of symmetry... - Mm-hm? 481 00:26:09,859 --> 00:26:10,902 Do you remember... 482 00:26:11,945 --> 00:26:13,071 Damian Cunningham? 483 00:26:14,197 --> 00:26:16,031 How could I forget? 484 00:26:16,032 --> 00:26:17,617 I inherited him from you. 485 00:26:18,618 --> 00:26:20,411 The shared lover. 486 00:26:20,412 --> 00:26:21,745 - Well... - I have to say, 487 00:26:21,746 --> 00:26:25,082 I felt terrible when you got together after I'd been with him. 488 00:26:25,083 --> 00:26:26,625 Okay, we didn't share him exactly 489 00:26:26,626 --> 00:26:28,627 because you'd already broken up and you were out of the country. 490 00:26:28,628 --> 00:26:30,212 I would never go back with him 491 00:26:30,213 --> 00:26:32,799 and, to tell the truth, I was never faithful. 492 00:26:33,717 --> 00:26:38,470 But he was a passionate and enthusiastic lover 493 00:26:38,471 --> 00:26:40,389 and I hope he was for you, too. 494 00:26:40,390 --> 00:26:41,725 I had no complaints. 495 00:26:57,490 --> 00:26:58,491 Hi. 496 00:27:01,286 --> 00:27:02,203 What is it? 497 00:27:04,205 --> 00:27:05,290 It hasn't worked. 498 00:27:06,499 --> 00:27:09,668 I've got metastases in my liver and in my bones. 499 00:27:09,669 --> 00:27:10,586 Oh, Martha. 500 00:27:10,587 --> 00:27:12,504 I should have followed my first instinct. 501 00:27:12,505 --> 00:27:15,132 Should never have put myself through this torture. 502 00:27:15,133 --> 00:27:17,718 This diarrhea, vomiting, fatigue... 503 00:27:17,719 --> 00:27:19,220 to end up like this. 504 00:27:20,013 --> 00:27:22,139 I should never have given in to false hope. 505 00:27:22,140 --> 00:27:23,474 Okay. Okay. 506 00:27:23,475 --> 00:27:26,353 All right, what does the doctor say? Tell me. 507 00:27:26,853 --> 00:27:29,188 Oh, that I could live for months, 508 00:27:29,189 --> 00:27:30,273 maybe a year. 509 00:27:31,399 --> 00:27:33,525 He even wants me to continue with the treatment, 510 00:27:33,526 --> 00:27:35,235 even though it looks hopeless. 511 00:27:35,236 --> 00:27:36,612 Maybe it will work this time. 512 00:27:36,613 --> 00:27:38,698 I don't wanna wallow in self-pity. 513 00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:47,581 But I'm not a stoic. I'm sorry. 514 00:27:47,582 --> 00:27:50,335 I don't wanna go through excruciating pain. 515 00:27:51,878 --> 00:27:54,589 You can't be self-possessed if you're in agony. 516 00:27:55,256 --> 00:27:56,758 You can't think straight. 517 00:27:57,175 --> 00:28:00,512 You can only think of one thing: the fucking cancer. 518 00:28:03,390 --> 00:28:04,974 I've always taken care of my health, 519 00:28:05,975 --> 00:28:07,227 now I regret it. 520 00:28:07,977 --> 00:28:10,854 The doctor says I have a strong heart. What does that mean? 521 00:28:10,855 --> 00:28:13,273 My body is just gonna go on fighting... 522 00:28:13,274 --> 00:28:16,443 while I suffer and suffer until my last breath? 523 00:28:17,445 --> 00:28:18,530 I don't know. 524 00:28:20,615 --> 00:28:22,325 I don't know how to help you. 525 00:28:23,576 --> 00:28:24,661 I'm so sorry. 526 00:28:29,457 --> 00:28:31,751 I think I deserve a good death. 527 00:28:34,295 --> 00:28:37,298 At least one without convulsions in my last moments. 528 00:28:38,133 --> 00:28:40,050 Going out with a little bit of dignity, 529 00:28:40,051 --> 00:28:41,678 clean and dry. 530 00:28:44,556 --> 00:28:46,807 But I know I'm asking too much... 531 00:28:46,808 --> 00:28:50,228 - What are you doing up, Martha? - I'm fucking over this. 532 00:28:50,729 --> 00:28:52,604 - Can you help her, please? - Of course. 533 00:28:52,605 --> 00:28:53,939 Let's get you back in bed. 534 00:28:53,940 --> 00:28:56,025 Come on. Let me help you. 535 00:28:57,485 --> 00:28:58,319 Bring it on. 536 00:28:58,778 --> 00:29:00,070 Here we go. 537 00:29:02,824 --> 00:29:04,993 I'll end up turning into a junkie. 538 00:29:06,244 --> 00:29:07,912 I am one already, I guess. 539 00:29:08,413 --> 00:29:10,789 It's okay. Really. 540 00:29:10,790 --> 00:29:12,917 Here, this will help. 541 00:29:51,456 --> 00:29:52,582 Are you still here? 542 00:29:54,042 --> 00:29:54,876 Yes. 543 00:29:58,546 --> 00:30:00,381 Should I ask them to bring your dinner? 544 00:30:01,966 --> 00:30:02,884 Are you hungry? 545 00:30:03,635 --> 00:30:04,469 No. 546 00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:08,515 Ingrid... 547 00:30:11,184 --> 00:30:14,729 Do you think I need to say goodbye to my closest friends? 548 00:30:15,438 --> 00:30:17,607 I think you should do whatever you wanna do. 549 00:30:18,858 --> 00:30:21,361 I just want peace and quiet. 550 00:30:23,154 --> 00:30:26,074 Have you thought about how you wanna spend your time? 551 00:30:28,535 --> 00:30:29,369 And where? 552 00:30:30,161 --> 00:30:32,038 Is there some place you'd like to go? 553 00:30:33,248 --> 00:30:34,082 Look. 554 00:30:39,504 --> 00:30:41,339 Pink snowflakes. 555 00:30:43,675 --> 00:30:46,803 There had to be something good about climate change. 556 00:30:48,972 --> 00:30:50,014 Wow... 557 00:30:51,641 --> 00:30:53,184 I've lived to see that. 558 00:30:58,398 --> 00:31:01,109 You remember the end of Joyce's The Dead? 559 00:31:02,026 --> 00:31:03,111 Vaguely. 560 00:31:04,529 --> 00:31:06,281 "The snow was falling, 561 00:31:08,157 --> 00:31:10,410 falling on the lonely churchyard, 562 00:31:11,828 --> 00:31:14,831 falling faintly through the universe. 563 00:31:16,916 --> 00:31:18,877 And faintly falling, 564 00:31:19,919 --> 00:31:22,547 like the descent of their last end... 565 00:31:24,924 --> 00:31:27,093 on all the living 566 00:31:28,428 --> 00:31:29,470 and the dead." 567 00:31:34,100 --> 00:31:35,643 It's getting late and, uh... 568 00:31:36,936 --> 00:31:38,021 I should be going. 569 00:31:46,154 --> 00:31:46,988 Thank you. 570 00:31:48,740 --> 00:31:50,074 I'll see you tomorrow. 571 00:32:37,330 --> 00:32:39,666 There's still a half an hour before the movie starts. 572 00:32:40,124 --> 00:32:42,209 Should we go in and get our seats before the rush? 573 00:32:42,210 --> 00:32:44,295 No. I wanna talk to you about something. 574 00:32:45,171 --> 00:32:46,004 Okay. 575 00:32:46,005 --> 00:32:48,424 I will not go out in mortifying anguish. 576 00:32:49,258 --> 00:32:51,219 I've gotten hold of a euthanasia pill. 577 00:32:51,636 --> 00:32:52,886 Don't ask me how, 578 00:32:52,887 --> 00:32:55,181 on the Dark Web you can find almost anything. 579 00:32:55,932 --> 00:32:59,393 I also have an abundance of opioids for the moments of pain. 580 00:32:59,394 --> 00:33:00,560 And don't look at me like that. 581 00:33:00,561 --> 00:33:03,022 I'm not asking you to convince me otherwise. 582 00:33:03,982 --> 00:33:05,274 I don't know what to say. 583 00:33:06,067 --> 00:33:07,735 I'm hoping you'll say yes. 584 00:33:08,486 --> 00:33:09,404 Yes to what? 585 00:33:10,071 --> 00:33:11,739 To my asking you to help me. 586 00:33:12,407 --> 00:33:13,658 Help you what? 587 00:33:15,118 --> 00:33:17,577 I've faced death several times, 588 00:33:17,578 --> 00:33:19,330 but I've always been accompanied. 589 00:33:20,164 --> 00:33:23,501 We reporters formed a kind of mobile family. 590 00:33:25,461 --> 00:33:26,921 This is another war, 591 00:33:28,006 --> 00:33:29,298 I'm not afraid of it. 592 00:33:29,841 --> 00:33:33,177 But like the other times I faced death... 593 00:33:35,138 --> 00:33:37,140 I don't wanna be alone, Ingrid. 594 00:33:39,642 --> 00:33:41,019 I'm asking you... 595 00:33:41,936 --> 00:33:43,938 to be in the next room. 596 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:47,065 I think we should go get our seats. 597 00:33:47,066 --> 00:33:48,567 Yeah, sure, 598 00:33:48,568 --> 00:33:51,487 but I prefer to go on talking to you, if you don't mind. 599 00:33:53,698 --> 00:33:55,074 Okay. Um... 600 00:33:56,868 --> 00:33:58,786 Do you know when you wanna do this? 601 00:33:59,704 --> 00:34:00,747 Not exactly. 602 00:34:01,831 --> 00:34:02,749 Within a month? 603 00:34:04,917 --> 00:34:08,212 Before I start to deteriorate and you don't recognize me. 604 00:34:08,963 --> 00:34:11,966 These next weeks, I should be reasonably well, 605 00:34:12,925 --> 00:34:14,760 but I wanna do it soon. 606 00:34:14,761 --> 00:34:18,306 My doctors think that I'm gonna return to complete the treatment. 607 00:34:19,015 --> 00:34:21,434 It's best they don't suspect anything. 608 00:34:22,268 --> 00:34:23,769 Where do you wanna do it? 609 00:34:23,770 --> 00:34:25,396 I don't wanna be at home. 610 00:34:28,107 --> 00:34:30,985 And I don't wanna go back to anywhere I've been happy. 611 00:34:33,488 --> 00:34:35,614 It's always a mistake to return to some place 612 00:34:35,615 --> 00:34:37,115 you've been truly happy. 613 00:34:37,116 --> 00:34:39,868 You just ruin the good memories of the first time. 614 00:34:39,869 --> 00:34:41,620 No, I understand that. 615 00:34:41,621 --> 00:34:44,956 I think it will be easier for me to let myself go 616 00:34:44,957 --> 00:34:48,753 if I'm not surrounded by familiar things, 617 00:34:49,253 --> 00:34:50,421 intimate things. 618 00:34:51,214 --> 00:34:53,257 I think that would hold me back. 619 00:34:55,802 --> 00:34:58,763 I prefer some unknown place, 620 00:34:59,806 --> 00:35:01,599 comfortable and safe, 621 00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:04,227 and not too far away. 622 00:35:05,144 --> 00:35:09,148 Do you need my help finding a place or getting you settled in? 623 00:35:09,690 --> 00:35:11,317 No, no, no. 624 00:35:11,901 --> 00:35:13,402 No, I can take care of that part. 625 00:35:15,154 --> 00:35:18,032 What I need is somebody to be there with me, 626 00:35:19,242 --> 00:35:20,660 in the room next door. 627 00:35:23,204 --> 00:35:25,122 Wouldn't you prefer someone you're closer to? 628 00:35:25,123 --> 00:35:26,540 We're very close. 629 00:35:26,541 --> 00:35:28,708 No, yes, of course, of course, we are. 630 00:35:28,709 --> 00:35:31,086 Oh, my God, we're very close. I just... 631 00:35:31,087 --> 00:35:33,673 There were years where we didn't see each other. 632 00:35:34,465 --> 00:35:35,924 What about Stella? 633 00:35:35,925 --> 00:35:37,259 Or Maggie? 634 00:35:37,260 --> 00:35:38,260 Or Vanessa? 635 00:35:38,261 --> 00:35:40,470 You've all been friends since you were kids. 636 00:35:40,471 --> 00:35:42,932 I admit I thought of them first. 637 00:35:43,975 --> 00:35:45,684 I asked all three of them. 638 00:35:45,685 --> 00:35:49,063 They all were horrified, and they all said no. 639 00:35:50,356 --> 00:35:51,481 They understood it, 640 00:35:51,482 --> 00:35:55,402 but they said they could never be a part of helping me take my own life. 641 00:35:55,403 --> 00:35:57,362 Absolutely not. 642 00:35:57,363 --> 00:35:59,824 - What about your daughter? - It wouldn't be fair to her. 643 00:36:00,950 --> 00:36:02,577 I've been an absent mother. 644 00:36:03,202 --> 00:36:04,995 I don't wanna impose my dying on her. 645 00:36:04,996 --> 00:36:09,291 You could at least consult her and let her be a part of it. 646 00:36:09,292 --> 00:36:11,085 We're two strangers, Ingrid. 647 00:36:12,837 --> 00:36:15,338 She made that clear when I told her about my doubts 648 00:36:15,339 --> 00:36:16,632 about the treatment. 649 00:36:17,675 --> 00:36:19,385 "It's your choice," she said. 650 00:36:20,887 --> 00:36:21,804 And she's right. 651 00:36:22,972 --> 00:36:23,806 Right. 652 00:36:50,541 --> 00:36:52,001 No matter what, 653 00:36:52,793 --> 00:36:54,962 people want you to keep fighting. 654 00:36:56,672 --> 00:36:59,467 This is the way we've been taught to see cancer. 655 00:37:00,551 --> 00:37:05,347 As a fight between patient and disease, 656 00:37:05,348 --> 00:37:08,184 which is to say between good and evil. 657 00:37:08,893 --> 00:37:11,187 If you survive, you're a hero. 658 00:37:12,313 --> 00:37:14,148 If you lose, well... 659 00:37:15,775 --> 00:37:17,902 perhaps you didn't fight hard enough. 660 00:37:20,029 --> 00:37:21,988 People don't like using words like 661 00:37:21,989 --> 00:37:25,242 "terminal" or "incurable." 662 00:37:25,243 --> 00:37:27,953 They call that defeatist talk. 663 00:37:27,954 --> 00:37:31,749 Some of the worst stuff comes from the cancer support community. 664 00:37:32,458 --> 00:37:35,044 Some of them think of your cancer as a gift, 665 00:37:35,461 --> 00:37:38,171 an opportunity for spiritual growth. 666 00:37:38,172 --> 00:37:39,340 Bullshit! 667 00:37:40,132 --> 00:37:43,219 People should see this is my way of fighting. 668 00:37:45,346 --> 00:37:48,474 Cancer can't get me if I get me first. 669 00:37:51,227 --> 00:37:53,729 And what's the point in waiting 670 00:37:54,981 --> 00:37:56,357 when I'm so ready to go? 671 00:37:58,067 --> 00:38:00,360 Are you completely sure you're ready? 672 00:38:00,361 --> 00:38:01,445 Totally. 673 00:38:02,196 --> 00:38:03,698 Since the first diagnosis. 674 00:38:06,409 --> 00:38:08,827 You know I have a terrible fear of death. 675 00:38:08,828 --> 00:38:10,036 I know. 676 00:38:10,037 --> 00:38:11,288 I've read your book. 677 00:38:11,289 --> 00:38:13,374 That's why I didn't ask you first. 678 00:38:15,710 --> 00:38:18,253 - But you understand me, don't you? - I do, I do. 679 00:38:18,254 --> 00:38:20,463 I envy you. You're in control of your life. 680 00:38:20,464 --> 00:38:24,259 I only need you to accompany me the days leading to it, 681 00:38:24,260 --> 00:38:25,928 as if we were on vacation. 682 00:38:26,929 --> 00:38:29,431 I just wanna know that, when it happens, 683 00:38:29,432 --> 00:38:31,725 there'll be someone in the next room. 684 00:38:31,726 --> 00:38:33,518 It terrifies me, Martha. 685 00:38:33,519 --> 00:38:34,436 I understand. 686 00:38:34,437 --> 00:38:36,229 I... I think that you have every right to do this 687 00:38:36,230 --> 00:38:37,480 and I admire you for it, 688 00:38:37,481 --> 00:38:39,983 but I don't know that I can be the one to find you dead. 689 00:38:39,984 --> 00:38:41,151 I'm not that strong. 690 00:38:41,152 --> 00:38:43,112 You're much stronger than you think you are. 691 00:38:45,740 --> 00:38:48,200 Anyway, I had to try. 692 00:38:52,163 --> 00:38:53,997 I can't answer you now, Martha, 693 00:38:53,998 --> 00:38:55,415 but I promise you I'll think about it. 694 00:38:55,416 --> 00:38:58,168 Right now, I'm too confused and too terrified. 695 00:38:58,169 --> 00:38:59,420 I understand. 696 00:38:59,879 --> 00:39:01,630 I understand it's sudden... 697 00:39:03,716 --> 00:39:05,383 and it's disconcerting. 698 00:39:09,930 --> 00:39:11,265 I'll think of someone. 699 00:39:21,734 --> 00:39:22,817 I wasn't too much? 700 00:39:22,818 --> 00:39:24,278 No, no. 701 00:40:04,110 --> 00:40:05,110 Martha? 702 00:40:05,111 --> 00:40:06,361 Hello, Ingrid. 703 00:40:06,362 --> 00:40:07,696 I've made up my mind. 704 00:40:11,075 --> 00:40:11,909 Come on in. 705 00:40:13,411 --> 00:40:15,079 The owner is a jewelry designer. 706 00:40:15,621 --> 00:40:18,248 She is a friend of mine, so I don't pay much rent. 707 00:40:18,249 --> 00:40:19,208 Mm. 708 00:40:20,209 --> 00:40:22,168 You get the impression it's been furnished 709 00:40:22,169 --> 00:40:23,504 with stuff from the garbage. 710 00:40:24,213 --> 00:40:25,631 Not everything. 711 00:40:26,632 --> 00:40:29,260 And it takes talent to pick stuff out of the garbage. 712 00:40:29,844 --> 00:40:31,387 You haven't finished moving in. 713 00:40:32,471 --> 00:40:34,598 - Do you want a hand? - Uh... 714 00:40:35,349 --> 00:40:36,475 No. 715 00:40:38,853 --> 00:40:39,854 I'll do it after. 716 00:40:41,439 --> 00:40:44,233 And, even so, you're going with Martha. 717 00:40:46,110 --> 00:40:48,112 She is totally alone, Damian. 718 00:40:48,863 --> 00:40:51,156 None of her friends are helping her with this. 719 00:40:51,157 --> 00:40:53,492 She even told me I wasn't her first choice. 720 00:40:54,452 --> 00:40:56,536 It's like her daughter doesn't even exist. 721 00:40:56,537 --> 00:40:59,747 In the years I was with her, she never told me she had a daughter. 722 00:40:59,748 --> 00:41:01,000 I know, it's a... 723 00:41:01,625 --> 00:41:03,001 It's a sad story. 724 00:41:03,002 --> 00:41:06,297 It's a terrible, terrible misunderstanding. 725 00:41:09,592 --> 00:41:11,260 Have you told her that we're in touch? 726 00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:12,803 Uh... 727 00:41:13,304 --> 00:41:14,179 No... 728 00:41:14,180 --> 00:41:16,848 Um, we've talked about you in a... in a general way. 729 00:41:16,849 --> 00:41:19,185 - She has nice memories of you. - Really? 730 00:41:20,019 --> 00:41:22,437 Our relationship was mostly physical. 731 00:41:22,438 --> 00:41:24,857 She was always about to go off somewhere else, 732 00:41:25,316 --> 00:41:29,361 that's why our lovemaking had that sense of urgency. 733 00:41:29,737 --> 00:41:33,656 It was like having sex with a terrorist. It always felt like the last time. 734 00:41:33,657 --> 00:41:36,201 Well, she rates you pretty highly as a lover. 735 00:41:36,202 --> 00:41:37,911 I'd like to know what rating you give me. 736 00:41:37,912 --> 00:41:40,079 I can't believe you're still flirting with me. 737 00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:42,874 - I'm serious. - No, you're not serious. 738 00:41:42,875 --> 00:41:45,085 What's serious is Martha's situation. 739 00:41:45,503 --> 00:41:47,213 And your being terrified of death? 740 00:41:48,130 --> 00:41:49,923 You just published a book about that. 741 00:41:49,924 --> 00:41:52,008 Have you overcome that thanks to the book? 742 00:41:52,009 --> 00:41:53,511 No. 743 00:42:03,020 --> 00:42:04,897 Hi. How are you? 744 00:42:05,523 --> 00:42:06,357 Better. 745 00:42:06,899 --> 00:42:08,901 Much better since you said yes. 746 00:42:09,735 --> 00:42:12,029 - Where are you? Are you at home? - Yeah. 747 00:42:12,613 --> 00:42:14,030 I'm watering the plants. 748 00:42:14,031 --> 00:42:16,824 I thought you had someone who did that for you. 749 00:42:16,825 --> 00:42:17,785 I do. 750 00:42:18,619 --> 00:42:21,204 But today I felt like doing it, and I am enjoying it. 751 00:42:21,205 --> 00:42:24,123 Okay. Good. Um... 752 00:42:24,124 --> 00:42:27,211 Have you... Have you decided where we're going? 753 00:42:27,711 --> 00:42:29,129 That's why I called. 754 00:42:30,130 --> 00:42:33,716 It's near Woodstock, it's about two hours from the city. 755 00:42:33,717 --> 00:42:35,802 It looks fantastic. 756 00:42:35,803 --> 00:42:39,723 It's a bit expensive, but, hey, the occasion calls for it. 757 00:42:41,809 --> 00:42:44,102 So, do you know how long... 758 00:42:44,103 --> 00:42:45,812 I've rented it for a month. 759 00:42:45,813 --> 00:42:48,356 That should give me more than enough time. 760 00:42:48,357 --> 00:42:49,440 A month? 761 00:42:49,441 --> 00:42:52,569 Yeah. My blood count's low 762 00:42:52,570 --> 00:42:55,071 and I have to take a break before I start the new treatment 763 00:42:55,072 --> 00:42:58,242 and you are the only one who knows I'm not going back to the hospital. 764 00:42:58,826 --> 00:43:01,119 It's not like I've picked a date. 765 00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:04,164 I mean, you'll never know it anyway. 766 00:43:05,249 --> 00:43:07,543 But... I'm ready to go. 767 00:43:09,253 --> 00:43:11,088 I would even say I'm impatient. 768 00:43:11,964 --> 00:43:13,715 I'm gonna be giving a lecture 769 00:43:13,716 --> 00:43:15,758 near Woodstock at Bard in two weeks, 770 00:43:15,759 --> 00:43:17,553 - so we can see each other. - Mm. 771 00:43:17,928 --> 00:43:20,973 I don't think that's a good idea, I'll be with Martha all the time. 772 00:43:21,765 --> 00:43:24,518 - I'll call you if I can. - You're going to need a lawyer. 773 00:43:25,185 --> 00:43:27,186 Yes, I should look for one. 774 00:43:27,187 --> 00:43:30,356 Let me help you with that, but I'll have to fill them in. 775 00:43:30,357 --> 00:43:32,859 No, no, in that case, no. 776 00:43:32,860 --> 00:43:34,402 This is an absolute secret. 777 00:43:34,403 --> 00:43:36,112 Martha doesn't even know I've told you. 778 00:43:36,113 --> 00:43:39,074 Okay. But if you need anything, you should let me know. 779 00:43:40,951 --> 00:43:42,244 I worry about you. 780 00:43:43,162 --> 00:43:43,996 Thank you. 781 00:44:42,388 --> 00:44:43,681 According to this map... 782 00:44:44,473 --> 00:44:46,516 we go up these stairs to enter the house. 783 00:44:46,517 --> 00:44:47,643 Okay. 784 00:45:17,673 --> 00:45:18,507 Look at this. 785 00:45:33,856 --> 00:45:36,149 Wow, it's so beautiful! 786 00:45:36,150 --> 00:45:39,486 It's so much more beautiful than in the photographs. 787 00:45:43,031 --> 00:45:45,032 Is that a real Hopper? 788 00:45:45,033 --> 00:45:46,952 I don't think they would have left it here. 789 00:45:47,536 --> 00:45:49,204 It's a very good copy. 790 00:45:49,746 --> 00:45:50,581 It looks real. 791 00:46:14,021 --> 00:46:15,730 - Do you hear them? - Mm-hm. 792 00:46:15,731 --> 00:46:17,107 Isn't that wonderful? 793 00:46:21,904 --> 00:46:24,698 And we can lie in the sun, like in the Hopper... 794 00:46:26,366 --> 00:46:28,744 and catch the evening breeze. 795 00:46:34,541 --> 00:46:35,375 Are you okay? 796 00:46:37,794 --> 00:46:38,962 Very happy. 797 00:46:56,855 --> 00:46:58,731 Do you mind if I take this one? 798 00:46:58,732 --> 00:47:00,651 Of course not. It's your house. 799 00:47:04,696 --> 00:47:07,823 This one is a little small, I'm gonna look downstairs. 800 00:47:07,824 --> 00:47:08,742 All right. 801 00:47:26,677 --> 00:47:28,637 I'm gonna take this one, okay? 802 00:47:29,596 --> 00:47:30,889 Very good! 803 00:47:32,474 --> 00:47:35,394 You don't mind that I'm not in the room next door? 804 00:47:35,894 --> 00:47:37,896 I can hear you breathe! 805 00:47:38,814 --> 00:47:40,315 And yell! 806 00:47:41,733 --> 00:47:42,943 Okay! 807 00:47:51,285 --> 00:47:52,244 Here we go. 808 00:47:57,165 --> 00:47:59,000 Let's get you unpacked. 809 00:47:59,001 --> 00:48:00,085 Thank you. 810 00:48:00,961 --> 00:48:02,254 I'll unpack it later. 811 00:48:02,879 --> 00:48:05,089 You're not my caretaker, Ingrid. 812 00:48:05,090 --> 00:48:06,341 You're my guest. 813 00:48:07,134 --> 00:48:08,051 Okay. 814 00:48:08,427 --> 00:48:09,302 Um... 815 00:48:09,303 --> 00:48:11,054 I'll go unpack my things. 816 00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:30,449 Martha? 817 00:48:33,118 --> 00:48:34,286 Ah! 818 00:48:35,370 --> 00:48:36,413 What is it, honey? 819 00:48:37,205 --> 00:48:38,873 - You won't believe it! - What? 820 00:48:38,874 --> 00:48:39,957 I forgot it! 821 00:48:39,958 --> 00:48:41,500 You... You forgot what? 822 00:48:41,501 --> 00:48:42,960 The pill, the euthanasia pill! 823 00:48:42,961 --> 00:48:45,421 I brought all the others! We have to go back. 824 00:48:45,422 --> 00:48:47,423 Oh, it's okay, we'll go back first thing in the morning. 825 00:48:47,424 --> 00:48:48,966 - Don't worry about it. - No, no, no, not tomorrow! 826 00:48:48,967 --> 00:48:50,093 We have to go now! 827 00:48:50,218 --> 00:48:54,180 I just need to be sure that I didn't lose it or misplace it, 828 00:48:54,181 --> 00:48:56,224 that I didn't just dream it up. 829 00:48:56,516 --> 00:48:57,934 Okay. 830 00:49:03,857 --> 00:49:06,818 Buying another pill would be extremely complicated. 831 00:49:08,904 --> 00:49:12,490 I have a friend who knows a mathematician 832 00:49:12,491 --> 00:49:14,493 who found it on the Dark Web. 833 00:49:15,911 --> 00:49:17,245 It's all very sordid, 834 00:49:18,163 --> 00:49:20,415 not to mention totally illegal. 835 00:49:23,877 --> 00:49:24,711 It's scary... 836 00:49:25,545 --> 00:49:27,588 knowing that all that exists 837 00:49:27,589 --> 00:49:29,966 just behind our computer screens. 838 00:49:32,427 --> 00:49:33,804 I feel like a criminal. 839 00:49:38,809 --> 00:49:40,519 Never thought I'd be back here again. 840 00:49:41,311 --> 00:49:42,979 With that wonderful skyline. 841 00:49:43,689 --> 00:49:45,606 Life always surprises you. 842 00:49:45,607 --> 00:49:47,400 All right, let's get to work. 843 00:49:47,401 --> 00:49:49,485 - Okay. - I'll start in the kitchen. 844 00:49:49,486 --> 00:49:50,695 Don't worry, we'll find it. 845 00:49:50,696 --> 00:49:53,948 Just try to think of all the places you usually hide things. 846 00:49:53,949 --> 00:49:55,533 This is the first thing I have ever hidden. 847 00:49:55,534 --> 00:49:56,450 Really? 848 00:49:56,451 --> 00:49:59,579 The only thing I can remember is I put it in an envelope. 849 00:49:59,955 --> 00:50:01,497 Okay. Uh... 850 00:50:01,498 --> 00:50:03,249 Why don't I start in your office? 851 00:50:03,250 --> 00:50:04,625 - Is that okay? Okay. - Yeah, yeah. 852 00:50:04,626 --> 00:50:07,129 Where did I put it? Where did I put it? 853 00:50:26,106 --> 00:50:28,400 Oh, my God. I'm never gonna find it. 854 00:51:42,808 --> 00:51:44,059 I found an envelope. 855 00:51:44,768 --> 00:51:45,894 That's it! 856 00:51:46,812 --> 00:51:47,812 Where did you find it? 857 00:51:47,813 --> 00:51:48,979 In your desk. 858 00:51:48,980 --> 00:51:51,608 There was a key in a drawer and I opened it. 859 00:51:52,234 --> 00:51:54,068 How could I have forgotten? 860 00:51:54,069 --> 00:51:55,778 I even left the key in it? 861 00:51:55,779 --> 00:51:58,113 Well, you meant to take it, at the last minute, you forgot. 862 00:51:58,114 --> 00:51:59,282 It's not so weird. 863 00:52:01,576 --> 00:52:02,911 Thank you. 864 00:52:03,912 --> 00:52:05,872 Such a strange sensation. 865 00:52:07,332 --> 00:52:09,208 It's like being here after I'm dead. 866 00:52:09,209 --> 00:52:10,710 Oh, God, don't say that. 867 00:52:11,753 --> 00:52:14,005 It's too soon for you to refer to yourself as a ghost. 868 00:52:15,632 --> 00:52:17,508 Let me straighten up before we leave. 869 00:52:17,509 --> 00:52:18,467 Thank you. 870 00:53:13,857 --> 00:53:15,525 Forgive me for all this hassle. 871 00:53:16,192 --> 00:53:17,443 I'm sorry, really. 872 00:53:17,444 --> 00:53:19,029 It's okay. 873 00:53:20,196 --> 00:53:22,574 What a great place to return to. 874 00:53:24,367 --> 00:53:26,160 Stupid fridge. 875 00:53:26,161 --> 00:53:27,537 You need some help? 876 00:53:30,373 --> 00:53:31,249 I got it. 877 00:53:38,548 --> 00:53:39,549 You know, maybe... 878 00:53:40,550 --> 00:53:43,178 leaving the pill behind was a kind of a sign? 879 00:53:44,596 --> 00:53:46,598 Maybe you're not as ready as you think. 880 00:53:49,225 --> 00:53:51,478 I told you never to say that to me. 881 00:53:53,396 --> 00:53:54,856 I don't remember you telling me that. 882 00:53:57,984 --> 00:53:59,945 I think I've said so many things to you. 883 00:54:01,446 --> 00:54:03,531 That's the problem with chemo brain. 884 00:54:05,075 --> 00:54:08,453 My memory keeps failing me and I get distracted so easily. 885 00:54:10,872 --> 00:54:14,500 It can continue even after the treatment stops... 886 00:54:14,501 --> 00:54:16,211 and it can go on for years. 887 00:54:17,379 --> 00:54:19,172 I'll be spared that, at least. 888 00:54:22,008 --> 00:54:22,884 When I write... 889 00:54:24,427 --> 00:54:25,261 When I wrote... 890 00:54:27,305 --> 00:54:29,641 I had to proofread a thousand times. 891 00:54:30,183 --> 00:54:32,768 I can't trust my judgment about anything anymore. 892 00:54:32,769 --> 00:54:33,687 Well... 893 00:54:34,521 --> 00:54:37,107 Then why do you trust this decision? 894 00:54:38,066 --> 00:54:40,443 How do you know it's not chemo brain, too? 895 00:54:42,028 --> 00:54:45,407 I've left the pill in the top drawer of the bedside table. 896 00:54:46,449 --> 00:54:47,616 If I forget, 897 00:54:47,617 --> 00:54:48,868 which I don't think I will, 898 00:54:49,452 --> 00:54:50,578 you will remind me. 899 00:54:51,705 --> 00:54:54,249 And I prefer not to talk about this anymore. 900 00:54:54,916 --> 00:54:57,711 Well, it's my business, too, don't you think? 901 00:55:01,297 --> 00:55:02,841 Sure. Of course. 902 00:55:05,218 --> 00:55:08,846 I'll leave a signed letter for the police telling them everything, 903 00:55:08,847 --> 00:55:11,975 including the name of the pill and where I got it. 904 00:55:12,600 --> 00:55:15,687 Your name will not appear anywhere. 905 00:55:16,855 --> 00:55:20,066 All you have to do is to say that you know nothing. 906 00:55:20,608 --> 00:55:22,068 Don't budge from that. 907 00:55:23,403 --> 00:55:25,612 I don't wanna give you any more information. 908 00:55:25,613 --> 00:55:27,240 The less you know, the better. 909 00:55:29,200 --> 00:55:30,201 And this is important. 910 00:55:36,541 --> 00:55:38,751 I'll sleep with my door open, 911 00:55:38,752 --> 00:55:41,087 and the day that you find it closed 912 00:55:41,963 --> 00:55:43,757 is the day it's already happened. 913 00:55:44,466 --> 00:55:46,551 That's the sign, door closed. 914 00:55:52,474 --> 00:55:53,975 I know it's difficult. 915 00:55:57,145 --> 00:55:58,813 But just think we're on vacation. 916 00:56:00,732 --> 00:56:03,777 You can write, we can come and go... 917 00:56:04,694 --> 00:56:06,529 I don't think I'll be able to concentrate. 918 00:56:08,740 --> 00:56:09,657 And if I write, 919 00:56:10,241 --> 00:56:12,701 you might show up in it somewhere and I don't wanna do that. 920 00:56:12,702 --> 00:56:13,619 Yeah. 921 00:56:13,620 --> 00:56:17,456 That could complicate your life if the police investigate. 922 00:56:17,457 --> 00:56:20,125 - Well, I'm not gonna do it. - Wait till I'm dead. 923 00:56:20,126 --> 00:56:21,086 Oh, God! 924 00:56:22,462 --> 00:56:26,007 Can you not say "wait until I'm dead," please? 925 00:56:28,635 --> 00:56:29,511 I promise. 926 00:56:32,305 --> 00:56:33,806 I'd like to find a gym somewhere around here 927 00:56:33,807 --> 00:56:35,475 that I can go to a couple of days a week. 928 00:56:37,894 --> 00:56:39,561 I'm the only one who eats and I don't want to gain 929 00:56:39,562 --> 00:56:41,230 ten pounds while you waste away. 930 00:56:41,231 --> 00:56:42,815 Oh, give me a chance. 931 00:56:42,816 --> 00:56:44,609 I'll catch up with you. 932 00:56:47,821 --> 00:56:49,114 Look! I'm eating. 933 00:56:51,407 --> 00:56:54,035 I have practically held death in my hands. 934 00:56:55,954 --> 00:56:58,914 I never imagined it would be something so light. 935 00:57:35,201 --> 00:57:36,035 Martha? 936 00:57:39,789 --> 00:57:41,623 Good morning. 937 00:57:41,624 --> 00:57:42,750 Good morning! 938 00:57:43,376 --> 00:57:44,627 I'm making breakfast. 939 00:57:45,753 --> 00:57:46,920 You want some toast? 940 00:57:46,921 --> 00:57:48,922 No, just some coffee. 941 00:57:48,923 --> 00:57:50,340 Help yourself. It's already made. 942 00:57:50,341 --> 00:57:52,177 There's juice, fruit... 943 00:57:52,927 --> 00:57:54,012 whatever you want. 944 00:57:59,601 --> 00:58:01,853 My behavior yesterday was unacceptable. 945 00:58:03,062 --> 00:58:05,857 I completely understand that it drove you crazy. 946 00:58:07,275 --> 00:58:10,445 But in my current state, I can't make any promises. 947 00:58:11,529 --> 00:58:12,614 So, just in case... 948 00:58:15,658 --> 00:58:18,286 I put a medium range sedative in this drawer. 949 00:58:18,828 --> 00:58:20,621 And if you find me unbearable, 950 00:58:20,622 --> 00:58:24,166 you just have one and you can relax. 951 00:58:24,167 --> 00:58:25,835 I could have used that last night. 952 00:58:27,545 --> 00:58:30,465 You're one of a kind, Martha. You really... you really are. 953 00:58:32,217 --> 00:58:34,134 I've made a list of stuff to buy. 954 00:58:34,135 --> 00:58:35,470 We need a few things. 955 00:58:37,138 --> 00:58:38,389 Is there anything you want me to get? 956 00:58:39,766 --> 00:58:40,850 Don't think so. 957 00:58:42,393 --> 00:58:43,936 Do you wanna come to the store with me? 958 00:58:45,939 --> 00:58:47,023 Maybe another day. 959 00:58:47,899 --> 00:58:49,067 So nice here. 960 00:58:50,318 --> 00:58:52,528 I'd like to stay if you don't mind. 961 00:58:52,529 --> 00:58:53,863 No, of course not. 962 00:58:56,157 --> 00:58:58,701 I found a gym nearby, too. 963 00:58:59,327 --> 00:59:00,328 That's great. 964 00:59:00,870 --> 00:59:02,789 I think that's a very good idea. 965 00:59:05,792 --> 00:59:06,876 Okay, well... 966 00:59:08,461 --> 00:59:10,672 I have my phone with me if you need anything. 967 00:59:11,548 --> 00:59:12,382 Thanks, love. 968 00:59:28,481 --> 00:59:31,275 Hi. I was hoping I could use the gym today. 969 00:59:31,276 --> 00:59:32,317 Are you a member? 970 00:59:32,318 --> 00:59:33,860 No. I'm just in town for a little bit. 971 00:59:33,861 --> 00:59:37,239 If you use one of our personal trainers, you don't need to be a member. 972 00:59:37,240 --> 00:59:39,658 Okay. I'll use one of your trainers then. 973 00:59:39,659 --> 00:59:41,494 You'll like Jonah, you'll see. 974 00:59:42,453 --> 00:59:43,328 Thanks. 975 00:59:43,329 --> 00:59:46,248 So, would you like to start a warm-up doing steps? 976 00:59:46,249 --> 00:59:47,750 - Okay. - Is okay? 977 00:59:48,209 --> 00:59:51,211 Do you think you can do this for 30 seconds? 978 00:59:51,212 --> 00:59:54,464 - Uh... Sure. All right. - Okay, go for it. Have a try. 979 00:59:54,465 --> 00:59:57,593 - Um... - And we are on. Okay, nice. 980 00:59:57,594 --> 00:59:59,052 - Be focused on your leg. - Mm-hm. 981 00:59:59,053 --> 01:00:00,554 And, if you can, move your arm... 982 01:00:00,555 --> 01:00:01,972 - Okay. - Okay, with each step. 983 01:00:01,973 --> 01:00:04,309 - Great. - And we are done. 984 01:00:05,059 --> 01:00:08,312 Nice. You're pretty strong, you young lady. 985 01:00:08,313 --> 01:00:09,688 What I am is winded. 986 01:00:09,689 --> 01:00:12,442 Well, if you want, there are other variations we can do. 987 01:00:13,901 --> 01:00:16,863 I mean, you can go try like this. You can go back and forth. 988 01:00:17,488 --> 01:00:20,324 Or you can jump on it and go left 989 01:00:20,325 --> 01:00:23,410 and right or back and on the box. 990 01:00:23,411 --> 01:00:25,038 - Okay. Okay. - Have a try one more. 991 01:00:26,539 --> 01:00:27,373 Nice. 992 01:00:28,207 --> 01:00:29,625 Focus on your core here. 993 01:00:29,626 --> 01:00:30,877 And breathe. 994 01:00:32,420 --> 01:00:34,339 Inhale and exhale. 995 01:00:36,966 --> 01:00:38,051 Perfect. One more. 996 01:00:42,221 --> 01:00:43,431 Is everything okay? 997 01:00:48,519 --> 01:00:51,189 When the body is in great shape, it takes longer to die. 998 01:00:53,900 --> 01:00:55,567 When death comes, 999 01:00:55,568 --> 01:00:58,196 the mind wants to go, but the body keeps fighting. 1000 01:00:58,905 --> 01:01:01,616 Heart beating "no" with every beat. 1001 01:01:02,575 --> 01:01:03,409 Well... 1002 01:01:03,993 --> 01:01:05,912 all the more reason to look after yourself. 1003 01:01:07,121 --> 01:01:09,499 - I live with a friend who's dying. - I'm sorry. 1004 01:01:10,708 --> 01:01:12,585 Come. Let's have a seat. 1005 01:01:13,211 --> 01:01:14,212 Come here. 1006 01:01:18,549 --> 01:01:20,468 Is there anything that I can do? 1007 01:01:26,849 --> 01:01:28,226 I wish I could give you a hug, 1008 01:01:29,310 --> 01:01:31,311 but we're not allowed to touch clients anymore 1009 01:01:31,312 --> 01:01:33,648 because of the lawsuits and... whatever. 1010 01:01:36,943 --> 01:01:38,069 And it's a problem, 1011 01:01:39,404 --> 01:01:42,490 because it can be hard to correct people's posture with just words. 1012 01:01:43,157 --> 01:01:44,992 And touching is so important. 1013 01:01:46,327 --> 01:01:48,329 This world is absurd and inhumane. 1014 01:01:48,955 --> 01:01:51,040 I don't see it improving any time soon. 1015 01:01:53,418 --> 01:01:55,128 But thank you, I feel hugged. 1016 01:02:02,927 --> 01:02:05,555 Oh. I've been meaning to read this book. 1017 01:02:06,097 --> 01:02:08,890 Isn't it a wonderful title? Erotic Vagrancy. 1018 01:02:08,891 --> 01:02:10,184 Do you wanna buy it? 1019 01:02:12,353 --> 01:02:13,896 I won't have time to finish it. 1020 01:02:20,945 --> 01:02:23,614 - I like the way it's laid out here. - Hmm. 1021 01:02:24,031 --> 01:02:24,991 Oh, look. 1022 01:02:25,658 --> 01:02:26,909 Martha Gellhorn. 1023 01:02:27,952 --> 01:02:29,454 The View from the Ground. 1024 01:02:31,956 --> 01:02:35,626 She wrote that you only ever truly love one war, 1025 01:02:36,294 --> 01:02:38,546 after that you're just doing your duty. 1026 01:02:40,506 --> 01:02:41,883 Which one was yours? 1027 01:02:43,551 --> 01:02:45,470 Bosnia, without a doubt. 1028 01:02:51,184 --> 01:02:54,019 The fight to survive by the Bosnian people 1029 01:02:54,020 --> 01:02:56,105 against a perfectly equipped army 1030 01:02:57,023 --> 01:03:00,693 stole the hearts of all of us who witnessed the extermination. 1031 01:03:01,319 --> 01:03:04,238 There are very few women war correspondents. 1032 01:03:05,448 --> 01:03:07,241 War is a man's thing. 1033 01:03:08,034 --> 01:03:10,160 You have to sort of become one of the guys 1034 01:03:10,161 --> 01:03:13,748 and it was never a problem for me, I've always lived like a man. 1035 01:03:14,499 --> 01:03:18,544 Actually, I think what Michelle really missed 1036 01:03:19,462 --> 01:03:22,006 was having a maternal figure in her life. 1037 01:03:22,965 --> 01:03:27,470 And in this, I must admit that she... she was right. 1038 01:03:28,429 --> 01:03:30,139 Don't be so hard on yourself. 1039 01:03:34,727 --> 01:03:37,313 Hey, look who's coming to town! 1040 01:03:37,772 --> 01:03:39,357 The life of the party! 1041 01:03:39,774 --> 01:03:43,777 "How bad can it get? Navigating urban life with integrity." 1042 01:03:43,778 --> 01:03:44,694 You feel like going? 1043 01:03:44,695 --> 01:03:46,613 No, you know what? I've heard it already 1044 01:03:46,614 --> 01:03:48,532 and it's not an evening I'd like to repeat. 1045 01:03:48,533 --> 01:03:50,617 We all have our own personal apocalypses. 1046 01:03:50,618 --> 01:03:52,828 Are you having an awful time with me? 1047 01:03:52,829 --> 01:03:55,497 No, no, I meant him, his lecture. 1048 01:03:55,498 --> 01:03:57,875 - Global crisis, climate change. - Yeah. 1049 01:03:58,709 --> 01:03:59,544 Hi. 1050 01:04:00,044 --> 01:04:01,087 I love your hair. 1051 01:04:01,796 --> 01:04:02,672 Nice. 1052 01:04:13,808 --> 01:04:15,893 When the nightmares come rushing in, 1053 01:04:16,936 --> 01:04:19,479 I think about all the men I've loved. 1054 01:04:19,480 --> 01:04:21,147 It sounds like a song. 1055 01:04:21,148 --> 01:04:22,899 A good one. 1056 01:04:25,486 --> 01:04:27,446 Even if it was just for one night. 1057 01:04:29,657 --> 01:04:31,576 Sometimes I think about Damian. 1058 01:04:36,789 --> 01:04:38,915 I still think sex is the best way 1059 01:04:38,916 --> 01:04:41,210 to fend off looming thoughts of death. 1060 01:04:42,795 --> 01:04:44,881 Like those Spanish Carmelites. 1061 01:04:46,799 --> 01:04:49,593 Wars turned me into a promiscuous woman, Ingrid. 1062 01:04:49,594 --> 01:04:50,845 Good. 1063 01:04:53,389 --> 01:04:54,472 Are you still in touch with him? 1064 01:04:54,473 --> 01:04:56,601 - With who? - Damian. 1065 01:04:57,852 --> 01:04:58,853 Um... 1066 01:04:59,604 --> 01:05:00,938 You know, from time to time. 1067 01:05:03,524 --> 01:05:05,651 "How bad can it get?" 1068 01:05:07,904 --> 01:05:08,738 Well... 1069 01:05:09,947 --> 01:05:12,950 much worse than you imagine, Damian, honey. 1070 01:05:16,621 --> 01:05:17,455 Hey. 1071 01:05:18,915 --> 01:05:19,874 Are you all right? 1072 01:05:20,833 --> 01:05:22,168 I was trying to write. 1073 01:05:23,669 --> 01:05:24,503 I can't. 1074 01:05:27,882 --> 01:05:31,427 In this war, I'm incapable of writing anything. 1075 01:05:32,094 --> 01:05:33,137 What about reading? 1076 01:05:34,347 --> 01:05:35,430 You loved to read. 1077 01:05:35,431 --> 01:05:37,433 I've tried. 1078 01:05:39,143 --> 01:05:41,687 I've tried with some of my favorite writers. 1079 01:05:43,648 --> 01:05:46,108 The spell just isn't there anymore. 1080 01:05:49,028 --> 01:05:50,821 I'm talking about Faulkner, 1081 01:05:52,198 --> 01:05:53,115 Hemingway... 1082 01:05:55,201 --> 01:05:56,619 I can't concentrate. 1083 01:05:58,204 --> 01:06:01,540 My mind just flies off into the void. 1084 01:06:02,833 --> 01:06:04,377 If you're too tired... 1085 01:06:06,003 --> 01:06:06,921 I could read to you. 1086 01:06:10,007 --> 01:06:11,008 Not just reading. 1087 01:06:12,593 --> 01:06:14,512 All pleasure's been reduced. 1088 01:06:17,098 --> 01:06:20,559 It's hard to know what to pay attention to anymore. 1089 01:06:23,813 --> 01:06:25,231 I have very little time, 1090 01:06:26,273 --> 01:06:27,650 and I don't want to waste it. 1091 01:06:29,777 --> 01:06:31,070 Okay. Um... 1092 01:06:34,699 --> 01:06:38,035 What about music? 1093 01:06:40,579 --> 01:06:42,832 I can only listen to the birds singing. 1094 01:06:44,083 --> 01:06:47,252 Well, luckily, they give us a serenade every day. 1095 01:06:47,253 --> 01:06:49,797 Music decenters me. 1096 01:06:50,506 --> 01:06:53,341 It comes between me and whatever it is I'm doing, 1097 01:06:53,342 --> 01:06:55,052 even if it's just thinking. 1098 01:06:56,387 --> 01:06:59,556 Maybe the chemo is affecting my hearing. 1099 01:06:59,557 --> 01:07:00,808 Oh, honey. 1100 01:07:01,934 --> 01:07:04,854 I've been reduced to very little of myself. 1101 01:07:13,446 --> 01:07:16,574 I long for some peace of body and mind. 1102 01:07:19,368 --> 01:07:22,496 And to just talk whenever I'm invaded by memory. 1103 01:07:23,622 --> 01:07:24,706 Am I talking too much? 1104 01:07:24,707 --> 01:07:27,125 No, no, no, no. Talk all you want. 1105 01:07:27,126 --> 01:07:28,711 I love listening to you. 1106 01:10:13,459 --> 01:10:14,627 What's going on? 1107 01:10:15,336 --> 01:10:16,670 What's wrong? 1108 01:10:19,590 --> 01:10:21,884 Your door was closed, so I thought you... 1109 01:10:23,427 --> 01:10:25,346 I'm so sorry. 1110 01:10:25,888 --> 01:10:27,640 I opened a window 1111 01:10:28,265 --> 01:10:30,058 and the breeze must have closed it. 1112 01:10:30,059 --> 01:10:31,227 Oh, my God. 1113 01:10:38,317 --> 01:10:42,029 Do you think it's fair to be mad at me because I'm still alive? 1114 01:10:45,366 --> 01:10:47,368 Think of it as a rehearsal. 1115 01:10:48,953 --> 01:10:50,788 Now you know how it's gonna be. 1116 01:10:51,997 --> 01:10:53,832 You know how you're gonna feel. 1117 01:10:55,459 --> 01:10:57,710 You're gonna have to make some calls 1118 01:10:57,711 --> 01:11:00,422 and act out all the things we talked about. 1119 01:11:01,382 --> 01:11:03,217 And you never knew anything 1120 01:11:04,134 --> 01:11:05,551 and we were on vacation... 1121 01:11:05,552 --> 01:11:07,304 Please, just stop! 1122 01:11:09,056 --> 01:11:09,890 Okay. 1123 01:12:20,044 --> 01:12:21,587 Should we call it a night? 1124 01:12:23,464 --> 01:12:26,467 Or does the young lady wanna keep watching movies? 1125 01:12:28,010 --> 01:12:30,888 Did you tell me that they have The Dead? 1126 01:12:32,097 --> 01:12:33,307 Or did I dream that? 1127 01:12:33,766 --> 01:12:35,224 Yeah, they have it. 1128 01:12:35,225 --> 01:12:36,517 Um... 1129 01:12:36,518 --> 01:12:37,478 Do you wanna watch it? 1130 01:12:38,228 --> 01:12:39,395 Yes, please. 1131 01:12:39,396 --> 01:12:40,856 Here we go. 1132 01:12:43,525 --> 01:12:44,485 Here we go. 1133 01:12:55,204 --> 01:12:57,498 Yes, the newspapers are right. 1134 01:12:58,499 --> 01:13:01,710 Snow is general all over Ireland. 1135 01:13:02,211 --> 01:13:06,005 Falling on every part of the dark central plain, 1136 01:13:06,006 --> 01:13:08,550 on the treeless hills. 1137 01:13:09,385 --> 01:13:11,887 Softly upon the Bog of Allen 1138 01:13:12,513 --> 01:13:16,265 and farther westward, softly falling 1139 01:13:16,266 --> 01:13:20,437 into the dark mutinous Shannon waves. 1140 01:13:21,563 --> 01:13:24,483 One by one, we're all becoming shades. 1141 01:13:27,111 --> 01:13:28,904 Snow is falling, 1142 01:13:30,531 --> 01:13:32,532 falling in that lonely churchyard 1143 01:13:32,533 --> 01:13:34,535 where Michael Furey lies buried. 1144 01:13:36,453 --> 01:13:38,621 Falling faintly through the universe 1145 01:13:38,622 --> 01:13:40,791 and faintly falling, 1146 01:13:41,917 --> 01:13:44,461 like the descent of their last end, 1147 01:13:45,921 --> 01:13:49,132 upon all the living and the dead. 1148 01:14:08,819 --> 01:14:09,862 Do you hear them? 1149 01:14:10,571 --> 01:14:11,405 Mm-hm. 1150 01:14:19,872 --> 01:14:21,206 It's daytime... 1151 01:14:26,044 --> 01:14:27,129 ...and you're alive. 1152 01:14:37,723 --> 01:14:39,682 - Oh, this is too much. - Yeah? 1153 01:14:39,683 --> 01:14:42,144 - This is harder than I thought it'd be. - Okay. 1154 01:14:44,521 --> 01:14:45,897 I think I need to sit. 1155 01:14:45,898 --> 01:14:48,317 All right. Yeah, let's go sit over here. 1156 01:14:48,734 --> 01:14:50,235 Here, let me help you. 1157 01:14:54,573 --> 01:14:56,825 Hey, I've got you. Here we go. 1158 01:14:57,910 --> 01:14:58,785 Here you go. 1159 01:15:00,329 --> 01:15:01,497 Okay. 1160 01:15:05,083 --> 01:15:07,002 - Oh, that's much better. - Oh, good. 1161 01:15:11,089 --> 01:15:13,550 Before coming here, I made a new will. 1162 01:15:14,301 --> 01:15:16,929 Oh, let's not talk about this now, please. 1163 01:15:18,472 --> 01:15:20,723 I'm leaving the apartment and everything in it 1164 01:15:20,724 --> 01:15:22,392 to Michelle and you. 1165 01:15:28,232 --> 01:15:30,484 I found your war journals in your desk. 1166 01:15:31,276 --> 01:15:33,320 What do you want us to do with them? 1167 01:15:33,737 --> 01:15:35,239 Is it okay if I read them? 1168 01:15:35,697 --> 01:15:37,324 Of course, you can read them. 1169 01:15:40,702 --> 01:15:41,994 Can I tell your story? 1170 01:15:41,995 --> 01:15:43,872 You can do what you want. 1171 01:15:44,957 --> 01:15:46,124 I won't be here. 1172 01:15:48,418 --> 01:15:49,294 Can I say that? 1173 01:15:49,920 --> 01:15:50,879 No. 1174 01:15:52,130 --> 01:15:53,131 Okay. 1175 01:16:47,269 --> 01:16:49,354 Let's not talk about this now, okay? 1176 01:16:50,314 --> 01:16:52,815 All right, I'll see you there. Bye. 1177 01:17:00,073 --> 01:17:01,074 Dear Ingrid... 1178 01:17:01,825 --> 01:17:06,120 Today is such a beautiful day that it seemed to me it... 1179 01:17:08,040 --> 01:17:08,957 Hey. 1180 01:17:09,416 --> 01:17:10,666 Hi. 1181 01:17:10,667 --> 01:17:12,627 - Everything okay? - Yeah. 1182 01:17:12,628 --> 01:17:14,754 This breeze is delicious. 1183 01:17:14,755 --> 01:17:17,007 Be careful, it's a little chilly. 1184 01:17:18,425 --> 01:17:19,259 Um... 1185 01:17:19,801 --> 01:17:22,011 If you don't need me, I'm gonna go to the gym. 1186 01:17:22,012 --> 01:17:23,429 But I can stay if you want. 1187 01:17:23,430 --> 01:17:25,723 No. Please, go. I don't want to be a downer. 1188 01:17:25,724 --> 01:17:28,685 You're not a downer. You've been pretty well-behaved. 1189 01:17:29,686 --> 01:17:32,064 Have you talked to your trainer about me? 1190 01:17:33,398 --> 01:17:34,274 Um... 1191 01:17:34,733 --> 01:17:37,069 Well... I mean, it came up. 1192 01:17:37,694 --> 01:17:39,945 I was talking about being in good shape 1193 01:17:39,946 --> 01:17:42,990 and the heart beating to survive. 1194 01:17:42,991 --> 01:17:46,118 You know, everything that you talked about in the hospital, 1195 01:17:46,119 --> 01:17:48,371 and he looked at me like I was a lunatic, 1196 01:17:48,372 --> 01:17:51,750 so I told him I had a friend that was sick. That's all. 1197 01:17:53,126 --> 01:17:58,047 Just remember you know nothing about anything. 1198 01:17:58,048 --> 01:17:59,007 Hmm. 1199 01:18:03,512 --> 01:18:05,222 Come here, give me a kiss. 1200 01:18:07,891 --> 01:18:09,184 - You okay? - Yes. 1201 01:18:32,040 --> 01:18:33,291 - Hi. - Hi. 1202 01:18:38,755 --> 01:18:40,881 I lied to her, I don't like it. 1203 01:18:40,882 --> 01:18:43,342 - Well, you'll have to practice. - Lying? 1204 01:18:43,343 --> 01:18:47,139 Yes. Officially, you aren't aware of Martha's intentions. 1205 01:18:47,806 --> 01:18:48,764 Yeah. 1206 01:18:48,765 --> 01:18:51,308 And I found a lawyer, in case you need one. 1207 01:18:51,309 --> 01:18:53,436 Thank you. Let's not talk about this now. 1208 01:18:53,437 --> 01:18:54,353 Mm. 1209 01:18:54,354 --> 01:18:55,772 How'd your lecture go? 1210 01:18:57,107 --> 01:19:00,569 Well, they weren't too happy about my not taking questions. 1211 01:19:01,737 --> 01:19:02,696 In the end, 1212 01:19:04,197 --> 01:19:07,199 people started muttering and someone called me a coward. 1213 01:19:07,200 --> 01:19:08,993 It doesn't bother me. 1214 01:19:08,994 --> 01:19:13,373 I spent way too much time caring about my reputation, and for what? 1215 01:19:13,999 --> 01:19:16,208 So, what are you doing with all that time you've gotten back? 1216 01:19:16,209 --> 01:19:18,837 You doing more of what you love? 1217 01:19:20,172 --> 01:19:22,673 I have to admit that my interest in things 1218 01:19:22,674 --> 01:19:25,093 has been shrinking as I get older. 1219 01:19:26,762 --> 01:19:28,971 Martha said the same thing a couple days ago. 1220 01:19:28,972 --> 01:19:31,557 There are so few things left that she can really enjoy. 1221 01:19:31,558 --> 01:19:32,725 I understand. 1222 01:19:32,726 --> 01:19:33,852 Mm. 1223 01:19:34,644 --> 01:19:35,936 But you're not sick. 1224 01:19:35,937 --> 01:19:38,481 No, but I feel the same way, especially after the pandemic. 1225 01:19:38,482 --> 01:19:40,859 I don't go to the cinema or listen to music. 1226 01:19:41,735 --> 01:19:42,736 I... I read a lot, 1227 01:19:43,487 --> 01:19:45,404 but only subjects to do with my lectures. 1228 01:19:45,405 --> 01:19:47,866 Mm. You still go to galleries? You used to love that. 1229 01:19:47,991 --> 01:19:51,744 When we were together, we go all the time and talk about how powerful the art is. 1230 01:19:51,745 --> 01:19:52,746 You still like that? 1231 01:19:53,955 --> 01:19:56,624 Even if every poet in the world sat down to write a poem 1232 01:19:56,625 --> 01:19:59,126 about the climate crisis, it wouldn't save one tree. 1233 01:19:59,127 --> 01:20:01,295 At least you're still interested in the trees. 1234 01:20:01,296 --> 01:20:03,005 I'm interested in sex, too. 1235 01:20:03,006 --> 01:20:04,757 Well, then you're not that bad. 1236 01:20:04,758 --> 01:20:07,301 When I was young, 1237 01:20:07,302 --> 01:20:11,305 if a day went by without sex, I thought it was incomplete. 1238 01:20:11,306 --> 01:20:12,389 I remember that. 1239 01:20:12,390 --> 01:20:14,601 I'm not nostalgic, 1240 01:20:15,268 --> 01:20:17,604 but I miss the nights when we'd drink 1241 01:20:18,688 --> 01:20:21,273 and take drugs, have sex, 1242 01:20:21,274 --> 01:20:24,318 all that didn't distract us from what we really wanted to do. 1243 01:20:24,319 --> 01:20:26,821 You drank and you took drugs. 1244 01:20:26,822 --> 01:20:28,697 I mean, more than I did anyway. 1245 01:20:28,698 --> 01:20:29,990 I don't know how much you drank, 1246 01:20:29,991 --> 01:20:33,703 but you always acted as you were as blitzed as the rest of us. 1247 01:20:34,287 --> 01:20:36,832 But you were an essential part of the party. 1248 01:20:37,582 --> 01:20:41,127 That is, until you got bored and went off to discover Europe. 1249 01:20:42,504 --> 01:20:43,755 You want to talk about that? 1250 01:20:45,131 --> 01:20:46,090 Tell me about your lecture. 1251 01:20:47,551 --> 01:20:51,012 I admit that I've become something of a monomaniac. 1252 01:20:52,013 --> 01:20:53,931 My own son is no longer speaking to me 1253 01:20:53,932 --> 01:20:56,350 because I didn't hide how appalled I was 1254 01:20:56,351 --> 01:20:58,978 that his wife is expecting another child. 1255 01:20:58,979 --> 01:21:01,647 He doesn't want me anywhere near her for fear she'll have a miscarriage. 1256 01:21:01,648 --> 01:21:04,441 What? How could you tell him that he can't have another child? 1257 01:21:04,442 --> 01:21:06,944 It's their third! 1258 01:21:06,945 --> 01:21:10,532 So, what's the next logical alternative? For people to start killing themselves? 1259 01:21:10,657 --> 01:21:12,825 People should be aware, once and for all, 1260 01:21:12,826 --> 01:21:15,328 of the state of the fucking planet they're living on. 1261 01:21:17,038 --> 01:21:20,082 Well, perhaps it isn't the best subject for you. 1262 01:21:20,083 --> 01:21:23,794 You're living with a dying woman in a world 1263 01:21:23,795 --> 01:21:25,881 also in its death throes. 1264 01:21:28,592 --> 01:21:31,218 Do you really think the situation is that desperate? 1265 01:21:31,219 --> 01:21:34,681 Yes. Read the science and see what the world is doing with it. 1266 01:21:35,807 --> 01:21:39,852 They're releasing more CO2 into the air than ever before. 1267 01:21:39,853 --> 01:21:43,439 Sooner or later, and I fear it will be sooner, 1268 01:21:43,440 --> 01:21:46,650 all this will be shot to hell, yeah. 1269 01:21:46,651 --> 01:21:50,362 Nothing is going to hasten the end of the planet 1270 01:21:50,363 --> 01:21:53,157 more than the survival of neo-liberalism 1271 01:21:53,158 --> 01:21:55,034 and the rise of the far right. 1272 01:21:55,035 --> 01:21:58,997 And we have both of them here, marching side by side. 1273 01:22:02,167 --> 01:22:05,295 Sorry, I didn't want to bring you down... 1274 01:22:06,588 --> 01:22:08,298 but I get riled up with this. 1275 01:22:08,882 --> 01:22:11,842 You cannot go around telling people that there's no hope. 1276 01:22:11,843 --> 01:22:13,345 It's tragic. 1277 01:22:13,803 --> 01:22:16,680 And maybe it's really unpleasant of me to say so, 1278 01:22:16,681 --> 01:22:20,643 but I've completely lost faith in people doing the right thing. 1279 01:22:20,644 --> 01:22:23,771 I'm living every day expecting to find Martha's body in her bed, 1280 01:22:23,772 --> 01:22:27,566 but that doesn't stop me from enjoying every minute with her, 1281 01:22:27,567 --> 01:22:29,152 just the opposite. 1282 01:22:29,945 --> 01:22:32,405 I'm learning from her and you should, too, 1283 01:22:33,323 --> 01:22:36,576 because there are lots of ways to live inside a tragedy. 1284 01:22:38,161 --> 01:22:40,121 Of course, it's painful, 1285 01:22:40,830 --> 01:22:42,874 but I can take it. 1286 01:22:43,959 --> 01:22:48,213 And I'm trying to live with the same joy that she has, 1287 01:22:48,964 --> 01:22:50,966 and with the same appreciation, so... 1288 01:22:51,841 --> 01:22:53,843 the last thing I need is a speech like yours. 1289 01:22:54,761 --> 01:22:56,262 I've always admired you for that. 1290 01:22:57,514 --> 01:22:58,472 What? 1291 01:22:58,473 --> 01:23:01,684 You're one of the only people who knows how to suffer 1292 01:23:01,685 --> 01:23:04,270 without making others feel guilty about it. 1293 01:23:46,771 --> 01:23:48,856 Do you think it will be much longer? 1294 01:23:48,857 --> 01:23:52,193 No, it'll be soon. Any day now. 1295 01:23:53,361 --> 01:23:55,195 You have to be prepared. 1296 01:23:55,196 --> 01:23:56,822 I know the police. 1297 01:23:56,823 --> 01:23:58,657 They'll ask you all sorts of questions, 1298 01:23:58,658 --> 01:24:01,577 they'll dig into your relationship like scavengers. 1299 01:24:01,578 --> 01:24:03,412 You need a kind of mental script. 1300 01:24:03,413 --> 01:24:05,498 No, I thought about it, I do have it. 1301 01:24:06,374 --> 01:24:09,293 Good. Stay strong and stick to your story. 1302 01:24:09,294 --> 01:24:10,919 And when it happens, 1303 01:24:10,920 --> 01:24:13,672 you should call the police before you call me. 1304 01:24:13,673 --> 01:24:16,300 No, I need to call her daughter. I should call her before I call you. 1305 01:24:16,301 --> 01:24:18,927 Okay, but be careful what you say to her. 1306 01:24:18,928 --> 01:24:21,638 I had to tell the lawyer about the situation. 1307 01:24:21,639 --> 01:24:24,476 Why do we have to go through all this, like we're criminals? 1308 01:24:25,143 --> 01:24:28,187 Shouldn't dying people have the right to end their lives with dignity? 1309 01:24:28,188 --> 01:24:30,773 They will, once our teetering health system 1310 01:24:30,774 --> 01:24:32,150 completely collapses. 1311 01:25:09,312 --> 01:25:10,355 Martha? 1312 01:25:30,917 --> 01:25:31,918 Dear Ingrid... 1313 01:25:32,877 --> 01:25:35,213 Today is such a beautiful day 1314 01:25:35,630 --> 01:25:38,424 that it seemed to me it was the moment to leave. 1315 01:25:39,259 --> 01:25:42,470 It consoled me that you weren't in the room downstairs, 1316 01:25:43,012 --> 01:25:44,848 even though that was the idea. 1317 01:25:45,348 --> 01:25:48,059 But you know I always improvise 1318 01:25:48,560 --> 01:25:50,769 and I'm almost happy that, 1319 01:25:50,770 --> 01:25:53,148 while I fade away on the lounger, 1320 01:25:54,023 --> 01:25:55,732 you're out in the world, 1321 01:25:55,733 --> 01:25:58,611 experiencing something different to my death. 1322 01:26:00,029 --> 01:26:03,199 No one will be able to accuse you of complicity. 1323 01:26:04,242 --> 01:26:07,035 You have accompanied me as much as 1324 01:26:07,036 --> 01:26:09,455 any human being can accompany another. 1325 01:26:10,957 --> 01:26:13,918 Call my daughter and tell her I'm sorry. 1326 01:26:15,211 --> 01:26:17,380 And thank you, love. 1327 01:26:43,114 --> 01:26:44,157 Martha. 1328 01:26:47,994 --> 01:26:49,495 I'll do whatever you want. 1329 01:27:17,148 --> 01:27:19,816 We had dinner and then we watched a Buster Keaton movie. 1330 01:27:19,817 --> 01:27:21,401 I told you this already. 1331 01:27:21,402 --> 01:27:25,740 And you didn't notice anything strange, anything that made you suspect? 1332 01:27:28,034 --> 01:27:29,117 Try to remember. 1333 01:27:29,118 --> 01:27:32,162 I remember it perfectly, it was a fun night. 1334 01:27:32,163 --> 01:27:34,998 There were no gestures? Nothing she said? 1335 01:27:34,999 --> 01:27:37,834 We said good night, and then I went upstairs 1336 01:27:37,835 --> 01:27:40,420 and I stayed up late reading a book 1337 01:27:40,421 --> 01:27:43,131 that Martha had recommended called Erotic Vagrancy. 1338 01:27:43,132 --> 01:27:45,968 It's about Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. 1339 01:27:45,969 --> 01:27:47,511 - Do you know it? - No. 1340 01:27:47,512 --> 01:27:50,264 Martha and I both thought that it was really fun. 1341 01:27:50,265 --> 01:27:52,600 Try to answer only the questions I ask you. 1342 01:27:56,562 --> 01:27:58,022 What'd you do the following morning? 1343 01:28:00,483 --> 01:28:01,693 I had lunch with a friend. 1344 01:28:02,735 --> 01:28:03,777 And when I came back, 1345 01:28:03,778 --> 01:28:06,488 I called out for her and when she didn't answer, 1346 01:28:06,489 --> 01:28:07,782 I went to her bedroom. 1347 01:28:08,574 --> 01:28:09,826 But she wasn't there. 1348 01:28:10,535 --> 01:28:11,869 So I went into the backyard 1349 01:28:12,537 --> 01:28:14,705 and that's when I saw her. 1350 01:28:14,706 --> 01:28:17,582 And, at first, I thought that she was asleep on the lounge chair 1351 01:28:17,583 --> 01:28:20,502 and I got really nervous and I called the ambulance. 1352 01:28:20,503 --> 01:28:23,755 And they got there very quickly and then the EMTs saw her 1353 01:28:23,756 --> 01:28:26,175 and then they said there was nothing that they could do. 1354 01:28:26,843 --> 01:28:28,260 Nobody buys this pill by accident 1355 01:28:28,261 --> 01:28:31,013 if they're not thinking of suicide or killing someone, 1356 01:28:31,014 --> 01:28:32,639 so, you didn't know anything about this? 1357 01:28:32,640 --> 01:28:33,682 About what? 1358 01:28:33,683 --> 01:28:36,310 About her being in possession of this illegal compound. 1359 01:28:36,311 --> 01:28:39,896 No. She was taking medication for the pain, 1360 01:28:39,897 --> 01:28:41,815 you know, patches and pills, but she... 1361 01:28:41,816 --> 01:28:44,110 she never shared the specifics with me. 1362 01:28:45,194 --> 01:28:46,653 It is strange that, 1363 01:28:46,654 --> 01:28:50,742 if you two were such good friends, that she didn't say anything to you. 1364 01:28:51,743 --> 01:28:56,122 You can't just walk into a drugstore and buy this pill. 1365 01:28:57,290 --> 01:28:58,833 Very difficult to come by. 1366 01:29:00,251 --> 01:29:02,712 I think when she rented the house, 1367 01:29:03,421 --> 01:29:05,715 she already knew what she was gonna do, right? 1368 01:29:06,174 --> 01:29:09,635 It's possible, but she didn't tell me anything. 1369 01:29:10,636 --> 01:29:13,847 She was exhausted from the last treatment and she wanted to take a break before 1370 01:29:13,848 --> 01:29:15,683 going back for the next round of chemo. 1371 01:29:16,559 --> 01:29:18,268 She wasn't the type to throw in the towel. 1372 01:29:18,269 --> 01:29:19,520 She didn't complain? 1373 01:29:20,396 --> 01:29:22,982 She didn't say anything that made you sense... 1374 01:29:24,609 --> 01:29:25,526 the end? 1375 01:29:26,194 --> 01:29:27,487 It was a great responsibility for you. 1376 01:29:28,863 --> 01:29:30,490 She complained sometimes. 1377 01:29:32,909 --> 01:29:35,995 What did she complain about? What did she say? 1378 01:29:37,372 --> 01:29:39,582 She'd lost the capacity for attention. 1379 01:29:41,042 --> 01:29:44,837 She couldn't read or write, for example. 1380 01:29:46,756 --> 01:29:48,423 Her life was reduced to surviving. 1381 01:29:48,424 --> 01:29:51,843 You know, I find it very hard to believe 1382 01:29:51,844 --> 01:29:54,304 that she didn't say anything that made you suspect the end. 1383 01:29:54,305 --> 01:29:56,723 It was more than evident that she was very sick, 1384 01:29:56,724 --> 01:29:59,476 but she wanted to take a vacation before going back to the hospital. 1385 01:29:59,477 --> 01:30:01,020 I told you this already. 1386 01:30:02,230 --> 01:30:07,443 So, we... also spoke to some of Martha's close friends. 1387 01:30:09,195 --> 01:30:12,281 In general, they all coincide with your testimony. 1388 01:30:14,367 --> 01:30:17,077 But one of them, Stella Byrne, 1389 01:30:17,078 --> 01:30:19,663 told us that, after Martha finished her chemotherapy, 1390 01:30:19,664 --> 01:30:22,874 that she proposed that she accompany her 1391 01:30:22,875 --> 01:30:25,085 to a house in the country 1392 01:30:25,086 --> 01:30:28,172 where she intended to commit suicide. 1393 01:30:32,218 --> 01:30:34,428 Asked her to, and I quote... 1394 01:30:35,888 --> 01:30:37,014 "Be in the room next door." 1395 01:30:40,601 --> 01:30:42,103 And her friend refused. 1396 01:30:43,020 --> 01:30:46,398 I wasn't in the room next door, I was in the room downstairs. 1397 01:30:46,399 --> 01:30:48,567 When I spoke to Mrs. Byrne and informed her of the suicide, 1398 01:30:48,568 --> 01:30:50,027 she told me she wasn't surprised. 1399 01:30:50,945 --> 01:30:53,655 There's another word for what Martha did, it's called "euthanasia." 1400 01:30:53,656 --> 01:30:55,157 Well, call it what you want, 1401 01:30:55,158 --> 01:30:59,077 but, for me, what your friend did is a crime 1402 01:30:59,078 --> 01:31:03,332 and, as a policeman, as a human being, as a man of faith... 1403 01:31:04,750 --> 01:31:07,336 I'm radically opposed to anyone committing a crime. 1404 01:31:08,713 --> 01:31:10,756 And, of course, anyone aiding and abetting in one. 1405 01:31:23,728 --> 01:31:26,022 Damian, can you come down to the police station, please? 1406 01:31:26,772 --> 01:31:27,731 This is endless. 1407 01:31:27,732 --> 01:31:31,109 How do you explain that your friend Martha 1408 01:31:31,110 --> 01:31:33,028 was so explicit with Mrs. Byrne 1409 01:31:33,029 --> 01:31:35,363 and yet she didn't tell you anything about her intentions? 1410 01:31:35,364 --> 01:31:37,115 I'm not gonna say another word. 1411 01:31:37,116 --> 01:31:39,492 If I'm under arrest, then tell me the charges. 1412 01:31:39,493 --> 01:31:41,536 Otherwise, I'll wait in the hall for my lawyer. 1413 01:31:41,537 --> 01:31:42,996 Very foresighted of you. 1414 01:31:42,997 --> 01:31:44,414 What made you think you'd need a lawyer? 1415 01:31:44,415 --> 01:31:47,376 Why don't you ask your friend? He witnessed the interrogation. 1416 01:31:49,420 --> 01:31:50,922 I think you're lying. 1417 01:31:52,548 --> 01:31:54,633 And that you're the kind of person who wouldn't say no 1418 01:31:54,634 --> 01:31:57,637 if a friend asked you for help committing suicide. 1419 01:31:59,764 --> 01:32:01,724 Let her go. 1420 01:32:09,982 --> 01:32:10,942 Hey. 1421 01:32:11,525 --> 01:32:13,026 - Hi. - Hi. 1422 01:32:13,027 --> 01:32:15,112 - How are you? - I'm okay. 1423 01:32:15,655 --> 01:32:17,489 This is my lawyer, Sarah. 1424 01:32:17,490 --> 01:32:19,366 - Hi. Pleasure. - Thank you for coming. 1425 01:32:19,367 --> 01:32:21,076 Of course. Damian's filled me in. 1426 01:32:21,077 --> 01:32:22,994 Is there anything I should know about the interrogation? 1427 01:32:22,995 --> 01:32:25,038 Well, he treated me like I was the killer. 1428 01:32:25,039 --> 01:32:26,081 But you were with me. 1429 01:32:26,082 --> 01:32:28,458 He doesn't care. He insists that I'm implicated. 1430 01:32:28,459 --> 01:32:29,376 Okay, but... 1431 01:32:29,377 --> 01:32:31,962 He spoke to a friend of Martha, Stella Byrne, 1432 01:32:31,963 --> 01:32:34,089 who said that Martha had approached her first 1433 01:32:34,090 --> 01:32:35,465 and she refused to help her. 1434 01:32:35,466 --> 01:32:37,592 Okay, well, I'm sure everything was recorded. 1435 01:32:37,593 --> 01:32:39,344 Mm-hm. 1436 01:32:39,345 --> 01:32:42,055 And this police officer witnessed everything. 1437 01:32:42,056 --> 01:32:43,348 You can come in now. 1438 01:32:43,349 --> 01:32:45,059 I'll go in alone. I'm her attorney. 1439 01:32:47,103 --> 01:32:48,771 Don't worry, this is all very clear. 1440 01:32:51,148 --> 01:32:53,484 - Thank you for coming. - My pleasure. 1441 01:32:54,235 --> 01:32:56,444 Jesus! What an asshole! 1442 01:32:56,445 --> 01:32:58,155 I've never been treated like that before. 1443 01:32:59,198 --> 01:33:01,616 You were unlucky enough to come up against a religious fanatic, 1444 01:33:01,617 --> 01:33:04,327 but he's not gonna bother you again. I'm gonna file a complaint. 1445 01:33:04,328 --> 01:33:06,538 Thank you so much for everything. 1446 01:33:06,539 --> 01:33:08,665 You still need to be available for the next 48 hours 1447 01:33:08,666 --> 01:33:10,835 until forensic formalities are done. 1448 01:33:11,502 --> 01:33:13,628 Uh, I told them to call me if necessary. 1449 01:33:13,629 --> 01:33:14,713 I'll be at the house. 1450 01:33:14,714 --> 01:33:17,466 - Do you have all the information you need? - Yes, Damian gave it to me. 1451 01:33:18,259 --> 01:33:20,468 Just give me a call if anything comes up, okay? 1452 01:33:20,469 --> 01:33:22,304 I'm gonna head back to the office. 1453 01:33:22,305 --> 01:33:24,014 - I'm really sorry for your loss. - Thank you. 1454 01:33:24,015 --> 01:33:25,308 - Thanks, Sarah. - Bye. 1455 01:33:26,600 --> 01:33:28,393 I can't believe Stella told him that. 1456 01:33:28,394 --> 01:33:29,644 Well, he probably cornered her, 1457 01:33:29,645 --> 01:33:31,938 and they have Martha's computer and her cell phone. 1458 01:33:31,939 --> 01:33:32,982 Mm-hm. 1459 01:33:33,357 --> 01:33:34,232 Do you know if they talked? 1460 01:33:34,233 --> 01:33:37,194 No, I don't know, she didn't tell me anything. 1461 01:33:38,362 --> 01:33:39,738 What do you wanna do? 1462 01:33:39,739 --> 01:33:42,157 I need to go back to the house and pack up Martha's things. 1463 01:33:43,409 --> 01:33:44,327 Sorry. 1464 01:33:45,703 --> 01:33:46,620 Hello? 1465 01:33:47,580 --> 01:33:48,748 Uh, speaking. 1466 01:33:50,833 --> 01:33:52,167 It's Michelle. 1467 01:33:52,168 --> 01:33:53,419 Martha's daughter? 1468 01:33:54,253 --> 01:33:55,420 Yes, of course. 1469 01:33:55,421 --> 01:33:57,630 No, no, of course, you can come over. 1470 01:33:57,631 --> 01:34:00,968 I'm headed there right now. I'll text you the address. 1471 01:34:02,345 --> 01:34:04,430 Okay, I'll see you soon. Bye. 1472 01:34:06,432 --> 01:34:09,142 Wow. Well... 1473 01:34:09,143 --> 01:34:10,894 I'm headed back to the city, 1474 01:34:10,895 --> 01:34:14,106 so tell me when you're back and I'll help you with your move. 1475 01:34:15,274 --> 01:34:17,193 Thank you for everything. 1476 01:34:20,071 --> 01:34:22,323 And you can tell me how it went with Michelle. 1477 01:34:22,656 --> 01:34:23,657 I will. 1478 01:34:25,785 --> 01:34:27,995 - Thanks. I'll call you, okay? - Okay. Take care. 1479 01:35:01,737 --> 01:35:02,988 Hello, I'm Michelle. 1480 01:35:04,115 --> 01:35:04,949 I'm Ingrid. 1481 01:35:05,783 --> 01:35:06,617 Hi. 1482 01:35:10,371 --> 01:35:11,705 Let's go inside, okay? 1483 01:35:12,206 --> 01:35:13,416 Yeah. 1484 01:35:16,293 --> 01:35:17,253 Come on in. 1485 01:35:23,467 --> 01:35:26,262 - Do you wanna see your mother's room? - Yes, please. 1486 01:35:27,012 --> 01:35:28,889 It's right down there. Right down the hall. 1487 01:35:57,001 --> 01:35:58,460 I made some coffee. 1488 01:35:58,461 --> 01:35:59,836 Would you like some? 1489 01:35:59,837 --> 01:36:01,504 Uh, I also have tea. 1490 01:36:01,505 --> 01:36:03,424 No, coffee's great. Thank you. 1491 01:36:04,008 --> 01:36:05,009 Here you go. 1492 01:36:09,597 --> 01:36:11,139 Did she tell you about me? 1493 01:36:11,140 --> 01:36:12,600 Of course, she did. 1494 01:36:14,560 --> 01:36:17,813 And she told me you were very upset that you never met your father. 1495 01:36:18,898 --> 01:36:21,609 - So she told you about my father? - She did. 1496 01:36:22,776 --> 01:36:24,819 Don't you think she could have helped him 1497 01:36:24,820 --> 01:36:26,237 when he came back from the war? 1498 01:36:26,238 --> 01:36:28,908 She helped him as best she could. 1499 01:36:29,408 --> 01:36:32,535 Your father came back very badly damaged 1500 01:36:32,536 --> 01:36:35,246 and he wanted to move to another city and start a new life. 1501 01:36:35,247 --> 01:36:38,501 His plans never included you or Martha. 1502 01:36:39,210 --> 01:36:42,922 And your mother accepted the end of the relationship and... 1503 01:36:44,298 --> 01:36:46,049 And she saw him in such a bad way 1504 01:36:46,050 --> 01:36:48,259 that she gave him a kiss to give him some peace 1505 01:36:48,260 --> 01:36:50,721 and that kiss turned into something more. 1506 01:36:52,640 --> 01:36:54,892 And you are the fruit of that moment. 1507 01:36:56,101 --> 01:36:58,853 My mother never told me anything about that. 1508 01:36:58,854 --> 01:37:01,147 It's a difficult thing to explain to a child. 1509 01:37:01,148 --> 01:37:03,150 She could have told me later. 1510 01:37:03,901 --> 01:37:07,154 By then you were so estranged that she didn't feel it was possible anymore. 1511 01:37:08,614 --> 01:37:12,116 She was a teenager, she had a life to live, 1512 01:37:12,117 --> 01:37:16,288 and your father moved to San Diego and he made no effort to know you. 1513 01:37:27,383 --> 01:37:28,634 So, Ingrid... 1514 01:37:30,594 --> 01:37:33,806 do you think I was totally mistaken about Martha? 1515 01:37:34,890 --> 01:37:36,141 You were unfair... 1516 01:37:37,810 --> 01:37:39,602 but no one can blame you for wanting to know 1517 01:37:39,603 --> 01:37:41,021 who your father was. 1518 01:37:44,066 --> 01:37:45,275 It's a sad story, 1519 01:37:45,276 --> 01:37:47,444 it was very painful for both of you. 1520 01:37:51,282 --> 01:37:53,116 Don't be so hard on yourself. 1521 01:37:53,117 --> 01:37:55,119 Martha wasn't the perfect mother. 1522 01:37:56,412 --> 01:37:57,705 No, she wasn't. 1523 01:38:02,293 --> 01:38:04,002 Can I stay here tonight? 1524 01:38:04,003 --> 01:38:06,964 Yes, of course. This is your mother's house! 1525 01:38:10,759 --> 01:38:11,844 Dear Martha, 1526 01:38:13,012 --> 01:38:14,053 I thought you'd like to know 1527 01:38:14,054 --> 01:38:17,516 I've come back to the house in the woods to gather up your things. 1528 01:38:19,768 --> 01:38:21,478 Your daughter came to see me. 1529 01:38:22,354 --> 01:38:23,897 I'm still shaking. 1530 01:38:24,940 --> 01:38:26,650 She looks so like you. 1531 01:38:27,860 --> 01:38:30,863 She asked me if she could stay and sleep in your bed 1532 01:38:31,322 --> 01:38:33,282 and, of course, I said yes. 1533 01:38:34,992 --> 01:38:37,286 I think your death has brought her closer to you. 1534 01:38:41,415 --> 01:38:43,459 I never thought I'd inherit her, 1535 01:38:44,293 --> 01:38:46,629 even if it's just for a day. 1536 01:38:47,421 --> 01:38:49,673 The house is filled with you. 1537 01:38:52,676 --> 01:38:55,262 When I came in, after talking to the police, 1538 01:38:56,472 --> 01:38:58,932 the first thing I saw was the door of your room... 1539 01:39:00,392 --> 01:39:01,852 and it was open. 1540 01:39:03,062 --> 01:39:05,481 And I said to myself, "She's alive." 1541 01:39:40,099 --> 01:39:42,226 I came out here to listen to the birds. 1542 01:39:44,853 --> 01:39:46,855 Your mother would get up like this, 1543 01:39:47,731 --> 01:39:49,024 at dawn, 1544 01:39:50,359 --> 01:39:51,777 and lie right there. 1545 01:39:56,949 --> 01:39:59,618 Look, it's snowing. 1546 01:40:08,419 --> 01:40:09,753 The snow is falling. 1547 01:40:12,506 --> 01:40:15,342 It's falling on the lonely pool we never used. 1548 01:40:17,553 --> 01:40:19,096 It's falling on the woods, 1549 01:40:20,055 --> 01:40:22,306 where we walked and you lay, 1550 01:40:22,307 --> 01:40:24,685 exhausted, on the ground. 1551 01:40:27,396 --> 01:40:29,606 Falling on your daughter and on me. 1552 01:40:33,026 --> 01:40:35,154 Falling upon the living and the dead. 1552 01:40:36,305 --> 01:41:36,400 Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE www.osdb.link/lm