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- Hi. How are you?
- I'm good. Thanks.
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- Who do I make it out to?
- Uh, Bobbi with an I.
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In the prologue,
you say you wrote this book
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in order to better understand
and accept death.
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Um...
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Yeah. It feels unnatural to me.
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I can't accept that something
alive has to die.
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Thank you.
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- Ingrid...
- Mm?
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We've fulfilled the hour.
I mean, in fact, we've gone over.
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Well, there's still
a lot of people waiting.
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- Yes. We'll do what you want.
- Could you sign mine?
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Stella! I didn't see you.
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Why didn't you come straight up?
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Aw, I was embarrassed.
You draw a crowd!
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- A lot of young people.
- Thank you.
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Not just women.
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Stella, this is Anh.
Anh, my friend Stella.
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- Good to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
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I'm gonna stay until
I've signed for everybody.
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Yes. I'll just make sure that
no one else joins the line.
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Okay.
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I haven't seen you in forever.
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I'm living in Boston now.
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I came to see my son,
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and to visit Martha in the hospital.
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You know she has cancer, right?
It's a bad one.
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Martha?
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Martha Hunt?
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Yes. She's at Manhattan Memorial
Cancer Center.
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I thought you would've heard.
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No. To be honest,
I haven't seen her in years.
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Martha is sick? I can't imagine it.
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If you go see her,
it'll make her very happy.
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Yeah. Of course.
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Of course, I will.
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Um, thank you so much for coming.
I really appreciate it.
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Congratulations.
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- Thank you.
- Mm.
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- I'll see you soon.
- Thanks.
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- Bye.
- Bye.
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Hi.
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- Who do I make this out to?
- Frances.
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- Is that you?
- No, it's my girlfriend.
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She really admires you.
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- So do I.
- Thank you.
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Could you write "It won't happen again"?
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Of course, I can.
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Yes. Thank you. It won't happen again.
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I hope not.
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Hi. I'm here to see Martha Hunt.
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I think she's on the 16th floor.
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Okay. One sec.
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Yes. Room 1614.
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Uh, the elevator is at the end
of the hall, on the left.
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- Thanks.
- No problem.
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Martha?
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Ingrid!
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What a surprise!
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How did you hear?
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- I ran into Stella. She told me.
- Oh!
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I'm so sorry,
I didn't even know you were sick.
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Oh, well, you with your work
and me with mine.
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I mean, time's gotten away from us.
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Yes, and I was living in Paris.
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Yeah, I heard.
I've been reading about you.
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I know you have published another book
and it's doing very well.
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Thank you.
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So...
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How are you?
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I'm sure you're sick of telling everybody.
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Well, it's cervical cancer. Stage three.
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It isn't operable,
but they're treating me, so...
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looks like I'm not gonna die quite yet.
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Um, I've become a guinea pig
for an experimental treatment
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and the results are better than
the doctors expected.
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- Great!
- Yeah.
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That's great! Well, you seem
like you're in good spirits.
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Well, I swing between
euphoria and depression.
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Oh, I'm so sorry.
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No, it's normal, and the doctors
warned me, you know.
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- Some highs and lows.
- Mm-hm.
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Mm-hm.
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It will sound absurd...
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but after all the accepting
and preparing to face the end...
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survival feels almost disappointing.
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Oh, don't say that.
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No, I was prepared to leave.
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In fact, when they gave me
the initial diagnosis,
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I didn't want any treatment.
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Well, I'm glad you changed your mind.
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'Cause, you know, just the thought...
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And then... that I wouldn't know...
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Anyway, I realized that I really...
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I'm not ready to abandon
the party just yet.
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Mm.
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But I had truly gotten used to the idea.
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Well, I suppose that it's good
to get used to the idea,
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but without giving up, right?
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You've been through
a lot of wars, remember?
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I live with them every day.
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Oh, Ingrid, I'm so happy to see you.
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I almost called you a thousand times.
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- Me, too!
- I'm sorry.
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It's ridiculous that
we haven't seen each other.
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I promise I'm gonna visit
until you get sick of me.
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Will you?
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You promise?
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I'm gonna hold you to that.
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Your daughter knows, I guess.
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Yes.
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When I first made up my mind
to forgo any treatment,
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I told her...
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and she just said...
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"It's your choice."
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Period. As if it was something trivial,
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something that had nothing to do with her.
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- How are you two getting along?
- Oh.
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Same as ever.
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We're barely in touch.
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What does she do?
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She's doing well.
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She is, uh, an agent
for classical musicians.
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It might sound horrible...
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but I don't feel like she's my daughter.
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I fantasize frequently
about her being swapped at birth.
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What?
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What are you talking about?
She looks just like you.
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She has your face.
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I never interested her as a mother.
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Why not?
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I was a teenager when I had her.
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I didn't know what to do with a baby.
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And when we started working at
Paper Magazine, you remember?
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We practically lived at night.
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- You remember New York in the '80s?
- Yeah.
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Anything important happened at night.
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And then I went to work
as a war correspondent,
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traveling constantly.
141
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I mean, that didn't help.
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My work just completely took over.
143
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I was never what a mother
is supposed to be.
144
00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:05,818
But Michelle started to hate me
long before I was away so much.
145
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I remember feeling her resentment
even when she was a little girl.
146
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She made herself very clear.
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She couldn't bear not having a father.
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She saw other girls with their fathers
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and she wanted to know about hers.
150
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,934
At first, I told her
I didn't know who he was, but...
151
00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,147
...it kind of made things worse.
152
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I was lying to her.
153
00:08:47,818 --> 00:08:49,904
Of course, I knew who her father was.
154
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His name was Fred.
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We dated for a few months
before he was drafted.
156
00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:05,586
And then went away to fight,
towards the end of Vietnam.
157
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:10,132
When he came back, a year later, he was...
158
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:12,092
somebody different.
159
00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:14,386
Fred! What happened?
160
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,222
He was a broken toy.
161
00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:20,600
Hey. Hey, it's okay.
162
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I'm here. It's all over now, Fred.
You're back home.
163
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,481
But it is not over for me.
164
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I still got the war inside my head.
165
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I can't get free of it.
166
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I hallucinate every single day.
167
00:09:41,497 --> 00:09:44,082
And I was high practically all the time.
168
00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:50,756
I don't know what I'm doing with my life...
169
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,342
but I'm not staying here.
170
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It's all right.
171
00:10:00,891 --> 00:10:02,268
Feel free to do what you like.
172
00:10:03,477 --> 00:10:05,396
Think about what's best for you.
173
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Okay.
174
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:13,821
Thanks.
175
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:20,328
Can I kiss you?
176
00:10:46,103 --> 00:10:47,688
Mm. Mm.
177
00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:51,400
- Does Michelle know this?
- Oh.
178
00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:57,365
She started asking about her father
as soon as she could talk.
179
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:04,372
But it's not something
you can explain to a child, right?
180
00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:09,043
By puberty, she carved out
quite an abyss between us.
181
00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:11,629
It came to define her adolescence.
182
00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:15,800
But, by then, I was no longer there.
183
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:20,054
I was in New York,
with you, living my life.
184
00:11:22,431 --> 00:11:24,432
I arranged to meet Fred one evening
185
00:11:24,433 --> 00:11:26,393
to tell him about the situation.
186
00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:29,271
So, I took a first-aid course
187
00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:32,816
and, because I'm a war veteran,
they've hired me at a hospital,
188
00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:33,984
down in San Diego.
189
00:11:36,278 --> 00:11:37,780
It's good news, right?
190
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,075
I have some news for you, too.
191
00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:43,953
I'm pregnant.
192
00:11:45,913 --> 00:11:48,749
- Pregnant?
- Yes.
193
00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:53,254
But I was planning on moving
to San Diego next week.
194
00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:56,881
Then what are we gonna do?
195
00:11:56,882 --> 00:12:00,094
Whatever I do, my parents
will support me, so...
196
00:12:00,719 --> 00:12:01,762
I'm not alone.
197
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:05,224
Hmm.
198
00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:09,811
I don't think working in
a hospital was the best thing
199
00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:11,439
for such a damaged person.
200
00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:13,566
It's the closest thing to war.
201
00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:16,609
He needed therapy and rehab.
202
00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:19,155
Yeah, that would have been more sensible,
203
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:22,158
but he wanted to be useful,
204
00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:24,910
to ease his conscience.
205
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:29,123
He believed that helping people
between life and death
206
00:12:29,748 --> 00:12:33,711
was his best chance
of getting back any peace.
207
00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:38,132
I could only free him
of any responsibility.
208
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:41,427
He left before Michelle was born.
209
00:12:42,261 --> 00:12:43,345
He never knew her.
210
00:12:43,971 --> 00:12:46,222
He--
211
00:12:46,223 --> 00:12:49,643
He didn't call once to ask about her.
212
00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:52,980
When did you tell her?
213
00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:55,274
She was about 12.
214
00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:59,612
She wanted to know where he was living,
215
00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:02,198
and I didn't know anymore.
216
00:13:03,532 --> 00:13:05,201
She was so insistent
217
00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:09,830
that I tracked down an old friend of his
from high school...
218
00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:15,127
who told me that Fred had gotten married
219
00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:17,505
and had recently died.
220
00:13:19,715 --> 00:13:22,843
I asked him for his wife's number...
221
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:25,554
and then I called her.
222
00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:28,682
I wanted to know what had happened.
223
00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:34,104
She told me they were
coming home after a trip.
224
00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:38,901
Is that smoke?
225
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:40,903
Yes.
226
00:13:42,029 --> 00:13:43,572
Something's on fire.
227
00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:45,366
There's a house on fire.
228
00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:49,912
We should call the fire department.
229
00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:57,835
Stop the car.
230
00:13:57,836 --> 00:13:58,879
Fred...
231
00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:07,012
What are you doing?
232
00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:09,013
- I'm gonna take a look.
- No!
233
00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:10,848
That's crazy! Fred!
234
00:14:10,849 --> 00:14:13,560
- There might be someone inside.
- Fred, stop! Stop!
235
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:16,980
Don't go in. It's dangerous!
Look at me, I'm here.
236
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:18,106
Let's find a gas station
237
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:20,358
and call the fire department, please.
238
00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:23,404
- Don't you hear the screams?
- No, I don't hear anything.
239
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:28,158
Fred, please! Fred! Fred!
240
00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:30,661
Fred, don't go in there!
241
00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:35,123
Don't you hear the screams?
242
00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:37,459
There's someone inside crying for help!
243
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:40,254
Fred!
244
00:14:52,099 --> 00:14:54,225
Sir! Sir!
245
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:56,352
Please, help me!
246
00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:58,730
- Sir! Sir, please!
- Let's go!
247
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,940
- Please, my husband's inside!
- Ladder up!
248
00:15:00,941 --> 00:15:02,692
Sir! My husband's inside!
249
00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:04,068
My husband's inside!
250
00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:05,653
He thought he heard voices
crying for help.
251
00:15:05,654 --> 00:15:06,988
Put two lines on the back side, guys!
252
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:10,366
He went into the house trying to save
whoever was trapped by the fire.
253
00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:11,910
Okay, get back in your car.
Do not go over there.
254
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,912
- I will stay here. Okay.
- Please, ma'am. Is there someone else?
255
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,663
- No, I don't know!
- Ladder up, guys! Ladder!
256
00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:18,291
There's a civilian inside!
Get back in your car, ma'am, please.
257
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:19,752
Come on, come on. Hurry up.
258
00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:22,087
All right, get in there!
Get in that top window.
259
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:26,550
There you go. It's gonna blow out.
260
00:15:29,136 --> 00:15:30,054
Okay, boys.
261
00:15:39,855 --> 00:15:41,607
I'm sorry, there was nothing we could do.
262
00:15:44,526 --> 00:15:46,487
He didn't get to the second floor.
263
00:15:47,529 --> 00:15:49,781
He must have passed out
from the smoke and the flames.
264
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,115
And the other bodies?
265
00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:52,367
There's nobody else.
266
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:54,702
This house has been abandoned
for a long time.
267
00:15:54,703 --> 00:15:55,870
There was only your husband.
268
00:15:55,871 --> 00:15:57,164
But he...
269
00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:00,708
He told me he heard screams for help...
270
00:16:00,709 --> 00:16:02,169
Impossible, ma'am.
271
00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:04,880
There was no one else.
272
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:06,674
It's true.
273
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:11,053
I didn't hear the screams either.
274
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,599
I tried to stop him
from going in, but...
275
00:16:16,892 --> 00:16:18,017
I didn't.
276
00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:19,269
He was very brave.
277
00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:21,604
Did you tell Michelle all of this?
278
00:16:21,605 --> 00:16:23,941
I had to give her every detail.
279
00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:27,735
I even gave her her father's
wife's phone number.
280
00:16:27,736 --> 00:16:29,153
You know what?
281
00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:31,114
Let's get you back to bed. You're tired.
282
00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:32,532
Yeah, but I have to tell you this.
283
00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:34,785
Well, we can... We can talk more later.
284
00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:37,579
So, one day...
285
00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:42,875
- I got a call from Fred's wife.
- Okay.
286
00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:46,421
And she told me that
she wanted an address.
287
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,673
- Mm-hm.
- She wanted to send me something.
288
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:49,758
Mm-hm.
289
00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:51,593
And, shortly after,
290
00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:55,639
I received a note in the mail
and a letter...
291
00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:59,435
that the wife received from Michelle,
292
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:01,979
introducing herself
293
00:17:02,604 --> 00:17:04,481
and saying that it was her,
294
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:06,275
Fred's daughter,
295
00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:09,194
who had been in the burning house.
296
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:12,990
"It was me he tried to save.
297
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:17,119
It was me for whom he died."
298
00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:20,372
That's what Michelle said to the wife.
299
00:17:20,914 --> 00:17:21,915
That's insane!
300
00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:23,333
Yes.
301
00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:32,259
Hi!
302
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,428
It's Martha, the nuisance.
303
00:17:34,678 --> 00:17:36,013
You're not a nuisance.
304
00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:37,765
How are you feeling?
305
00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:39,682
Fine. I'm at home.
306
00:17:39,683 --> 00:17:42,393
The hospital's given me
a few days off between treatments,
307
00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:43,395
so I'm at home.
308
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,481
I'd love for you to come over.
309
00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:48,858
Ooh. You've caught me
in the middle of moving.
310
00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:51,111
Oh, then you're really busy, right?
311
00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:52,653
Um...
312
00:17:52,654 --> 00:17:54,781
Well, you know what moving's like.
313
00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:58,910
But, um, if you're feeling lonely,
I could stop by,
314
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,661
we could take a walk in the park.
315
00:18:00,662 --> 00:18:02,790
I might not be quite up for a walk.
316
00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:06,334
Um, okay, you know what? Let me, um...
317
00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:10,047
Let me finish what I'm doing
and I'll be right over.
318
00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:13,342
Thanks, sweetheart,
but don't feel obliged.
319
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,202
- These are for you.
- You are a darling.
320
00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:44,122
- And I've brought you a couple of books.
- Oh! Thank you.
321
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,832
- Mm-hm.
- You want something to drink?
322
00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:47,751
Oh. Love some tea.
323
00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:50,129
- Herbal tea if you have it.
- Sure.
324
00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:52,506
- I'll put these in a vase.
- Okay.
325
00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:56,175
And all of this is for you.
326
00:18:56,176 --> 00:18:57,844
You have to finish all of it.
327
00:18:57,845 --> 00:19:00,012
Wow! Well, I will do my best.
328
00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:01,681
I love fruit.
329
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:09,313
- Are you working on something new?
- Um, yeah, actually, I am.
330
00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:13,443
I'm doing research on the painter
Dora Carrington and her, um,
331
00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:17,655
mm, intense relationship
with the writer Lytton Strachey.
332
00:19:17,656 --> 00:19:19,782
- Mm-hm.
- Here he is.
333
00:19:19,783 --> 00:19:21,534
Uh, Strachey was gay,
334
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:25,747
so she married the straight man
that he was infatuated with.
335
00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:28,624
It's gonna be the story of the trio.
336
00:19:28,625 --> 00:19:32,003
It isn't groundbreaking,
but I want to see where it takes me.
337
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,629
Here, look.
338
00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:37,592
Um, unfortunately for her, there was
another more famous painter...
339
00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:38,801
- Leonora Carrington.
- Yes,
340
00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:40,845
the surrealist Leonora Carrington,
341
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:42,931
whose name was obviously
very similar to hers.
342
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,058
Um...
343
00:19:46,059 --> 00:19:47,019
Dora...
344
00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:52,316
was better known for this
bizarre love story with Strachey.
345
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:57,528
She devoted 17 years of her life to him.
346
00:19:57,529 --> 00:19:58,738
- Wow.
- Mm.
347
00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:00,782
It'll be a fictionalized biography, so...
348
00:20:01,408 --> 00:20:03,118
I'll make some stuff up, too.
349
00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:07,706
I've never been able to allow myself that.
350
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:09,541
Hmm.
351
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,001
Well, I hope not.
352
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:12,794
You're a war reporter.
353
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:14,922
Yeah, you have to.
354
00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:16,965
You know, you can't show your emotions.
355
00:20:17,090 --> 00:20:20,594
You have to block them out
so you can do your job
356
00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:23,721
and stay in the present
in the middle of whatever hell.
357
00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:26,265
Maybe I should write about you
and not Carrington.
358
00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:27,475
I don't think you'd enjoy
359
00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:29,602
writing about illnesses and treatments.
360
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:30,895
You're wrong.
361
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:31,980
I'm just a journalist,
362
00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:34,650
addicted to wars and adrenaline.
363
00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:37,110
You think that's nothing?
364
00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:40,239
Wasn't all tragedy.
365
00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:41,990
You know, life went on.
366
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:47,412
There was one report
when I added a bit of fiction.
367
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:48,955
Really?
368
00:20:48,956 --> 00:20:51,291
Actually, I never published it.
369
00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:54,753
It was during the war in Iraq.
370
00:20:55,295 --> 00:20:57,798
On the last day, before we left Baghdad.
371
00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:00,424
Are you sure this is the right way?
372
00:21:00,425 --> 00:21:03,262
Yeah, just make a left here in this alley.
373
00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:05,847
Let's make this brief.
374
00:21:09,393 --> 00:21:10,435
Here. Stop here.
375
00:21:20,237 --> 00:21:23,365
Martin, what are you doing here
in Baghdad?
376
00:21:25,575 --> 00:21:28,077
- You look great. You really do.
- Thank you.
377
00:21:28,078 --> 00:21:30,162
Yeah, I'm sorry. Paco, Martin.
378
00:21:30,163 --> 00:21:31,455
He's a Carmelite, like me.
379
00:21:31,456 --> 00:21:33,541
Pleasure. Let me introduce you to Martha.
380
00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:35,584
She is a brilliant journalist
from The New York Times.
381
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:39,171
They are the Carmelites
I was telling you about.
382
00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:40,549
It's a pleasure to meet you both.
383
00:21:41,008 --> 00:21:42,718
Are you intending to stay in Baghdad?
384
00:21:43,218 --> 00:21:45,595
- Yes, here we are.
- But you're alone.
385
00:21:46,221 --> 00:21:48,557
All the NGOs, the Red Cross
have left already.
386
00:21:49,224 --> 00:21:50,224
I know.
387
00:21:50,225 --> 00:21:53,395
The situation is out of control.
It's very dangerous.
388
00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:54,854
You're here as well.
389
00:21:54,855 --> 00:21:56,147
Yeah, but we're just passing through.
390
00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:58,899
We're leaving as soon
as we finish talking to you.
391
00:21:58,900 --> 00:22:00,318
We can't let them down now,
392
00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:02,153
this is when the people need us most.
393
00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:06,074
That's true,
but it's still extremely dangerous.
394
00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:08,744
But then you know that.
395
00:22:09,494 --> 00:22:11,621
We can't let them down now, señora.
396
00:22:13,081 --> 00:22:16,418
Do you mind if we take a photo of you
and how the mission has been left?
397
00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:19,004
Okay.
398
00:22:19,421 --> 00:22:21,547
You can photograph the mission and me,
399
00:22:21,548 --> 00:22:25,092
but he doesn't want to risk
his family in Spain seeing him.
400
00:22:25,093 --> 00:22:26,385
- They'd worry.
- Yeah, of course.
401
00:22:26,386 --> 00:22:27,386
Totally understand,
402
00:22:27,387 --> 00:22:29,096
but if we could get one of you,
it would be great.
403
00:22:29,097 --> 00:22:30,599
- Okay.
- Sure.
404
00:22:31,808 --> 00:22:33,018
- Here?
- Yeah.
405
00:22:33,685 --> 00:22:36,729
Just perhaps a little tiny step closer...
406
00:22:36,730 --> 00:22:38,564
Yeah, that's fine,
so that I can see the impacts.
407
00:22:44,488 --> 00:22:45,489
I think you have it.
408
00:22:48,158 --> 00:22:49,076
How long has it been...
409
00:22:50,077 --> 00:22:51,410
since we last saw each other?
410
00:22:51,411 --> 00:22:52,412
Five years.
411
00:22:53,205 --> 00:22:54,456
Five years.
412
00:22:55,499 --> 00:22:56,541
Wow.
413
00:22:58,126 --> 00:22:59,211
Do you remember Liberia?
414
00:23:00,045 --> 00:23:01,171
How could I forget?
415
00:23:03,256 --> 00:23:05,675
Look, I have some photos of you
that we didn't publish.
416
00:23:07,094 --> 00:23:09,011
If you give me an address,
I can send them to you.
417
00:23:09,012 --> 00:23:10,096
Maybe to the Embassy.
418
00:23:10,097 --> 00:23:11,264
No, you keep them.
419
00:23:12,015 --> 00:23:13,849
That way I'll keep you company.
420
00:23:13,850 --> 00:23:15,685
Okay.
421
00:23:18,188 --> 00:23:20,065
It was really great seeing you.
422
00:23:20,607 --> 00:23:21,482
Take care.
423
00:23:21,483 --> 00:23:22,901
- Goodbye.
- Be safe.
424
00:23:27,781 --> 00:23:29,282
How do you know the Carmelite?
425
00:23:32,369 --> 00:23:33,578
We met in Sierra Leone.
426
00:23:35,747 --> 00:23:36,998
We became lovers there.
427
00:23:37,707 --> 00:23:39,334
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
428
00:23:40,627 --> 00:23:42,586
After that, we met more times.
429
00:23:42,587 --> 00:23:44,755
Always in places that were at war.
430
00:23:44,756 --> 00:23:46,215
And you had sex?
431
00:23:46,216 --> 00:23:48,468
Well, of course, yeah.
432
00:23:49,052 --> 00:23:51,304
Bernardo never renounced
physical pleasure.
433
00:23:52,556 --> 00:23:54,766
He was always in
the most conflictive places.
434
00:23:55,350 --> 00:23:57,727
And I think that sex was his best shield.
435
00:24:00,105 --> 00:24:02,523
I'm pretty sure the Carmelite
is his partner.
436
00:24:02,524 --> 00:24:03,732
You think so?
437
00:24:03,733 --> 00:24:04,860
Definitely.
438
00:24:06,069 --> 00:24:07,653
That is the only way
he can stay in Baghdad
439
00:24:07,654 --> 00:24:08,697
and not be afraid of the war.
440
00:24:10,073 --> 00:24:12,284
- What a wonderful story.
- Yup.
441
00:24:14,494 --> 00:24:17,497
- Don't you dare write it.
- No, no, no, of course not.
442
00:24:20,208 --> 00:24:22,586
But how about sin for him?
443
00:24:23,378 --> 00:24:26,422
I mean, don't they feel guilty?
After all, they are Catholic.
444
00:24:26,423 --> 00:24:28,675
Yeah, I don't know.
He never talked about that.
445
00:24:30,677 --> 00:24:32,762
With all the horrors you see in war,
446
00:24:33,430 --> 00:24:36,141
feeling guilty about having sex
doesn't really carry much weight.
447
00:24:37,601 --> 00:24:39,060
You simply get used to it.
448
00:24:39,686 --> 00:24:40,520
I know that.
449
00:24:44,149 --> 00:24:45,816
I wrote their story,
450
00:24:45,817 --> 00:24:48,236
their love story, as I imagined it,
451
00:24:49,571 --> 00:24:51,281
but it stayed in my computer.
452
00:24:53,283 --> 00:24:57,494
So, you're gonna write about
Dora Carrington's insane love.
453
00:24:57,495 --> 00:24:58,537
Mm-hm.
454
00:24:58,538 --> 00:25:00,331
And her connection to Virginia Woolf,
455
00:25:00,332 --> 00:25:03,500
who Strachey also pursued romantically.
456
00:25:03,501 --> 00:25:04,753
What a group!
457
00:25:05,212 --> 00:25:07,338
I so admire their freedom.
458
00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:11,508
Strachey died of stomach cancer
18 years after meeting Dora
459
00:25:11,509 --> 00:25:14,511
and Dora survived him by barely two months
460
00:25:14,512 --> 00:25:16,722
before she shot herself in the stomach.
461
00:25:16,723 --> 00:25:18,308
She was only 38.
462
00:25:19,559 --> 00:25:22,145
I'm struck by the symmetry
of that kind of gesture,
463
00:25:22,646 --> 00:25:26,065
his stomach cancer and her
shooting herself in the stomach.
464
00:25:26,066 --> 00:25:27,817
I know, it struck me, too.
465
00:25:28,568 --> 00:25:32,155
I wonder what Virginia Woolf
thought of Carrington's death?
466
00:25:32,989 --> 00:25:34,866
Maybe Virginia saw...
467
00:25:35,575 --> 00:25:36,700
a kind of warning,
468
00:25:36,701 --> 00:25:38,954
a mirror that reflected her?
469
00:25:39,496 --> 00:25:40,830
As if they were fated?
470
00:25:43,250 --> 00:25:44,833
Do you think I'm fated, too?
471
00:25:44,834 --> 00:25:47,712
No! Of course not.
472
00:25:48,129 --> 00:25:50,464
I've never known anyone
more alive than you.
473
00:25:50,465 --> 00:25:54,260
This week I'm starting a new
experimental immunotherapy treatment.
474
00:25:54,261 --> 00:25:55,178
Uh-huh.
475
00:25:55,762 --> 00:25:56,762
They've already tried it
476
00:25:56,763 --> 00:25:59,556
and it seems to work well
with cases of cervical cancer.
477
00:25:59,557 --> 00:26:01,434
- Well, that's great news!
- Yeah.
478
00:26:02,269 --> 00:26:03,769
Let me know when I can come
and visit you, okay?
479
00:26:03,770 --> 00:26:04,938
I will.
480
00:26:07,315 --> 00:26:09,567
- Talking of symmetry...
- Mm-hm?
481
00:26:09,859 --> 00:26:10,902
Do you remember...
482
00:26:11,945 --> 00:26:13,071
Damian Cunningham?
483
00:26:14,197 --> 00:26:16,031
How could I forget?
484
00:26:16,032 --> 00:26:17,617
I inherited him from you.
485
00:26:18,618 --> 00:26:20,411
The shared lover.
486
00:26:20,412 --> 00:26:21,745
- Well...
- I have to say,
487
00:26:21,746 --> 00:26:25,082
I felt terrible when you got together
after I'd been with him.
488
00:26:25,083 --> 00:26:26,625
Okay, we didn't share him exactly
489
00:26:26,626 --> 00:26:28,627
because you'd already broken up
and you were out of the country.
490
00:26:28,628 --> 00:26:30,212
I would never go back with him
491
00:26:30,213 --> 00:26:32,799
and, to tell the truth,
I was never faithful.
492
00:26:33,717 --> 00:26:38,470
But he was a passionate
and enthusiastic lover
493
00:26:38,471 --> 00:26:40,389
and I hope he was for you, too.
494
00:26:40,390 --> 00:26:41,725
I had no complaints.
495
00:26:57,490 --> 00:26:58,491
Hi.
496
00:27:01,286 --> 00:27:02,203
What is it?
497
00:27:04,205 --> 00:27:05,290
It hasn't worked.
498
00:27:06,499 --> 00:27:09,668
I've got metastases in my liver
and in my bones.
499
00:27:09,669 --> 00:27:10,586
Oh, Martha.
500
00:27:10,587 --> 00:27:12,504
I should have followed my first instinct.
501
00:27:12,505 --> 00:27:15,132
Should never have put myself
through this torture.
502
00:27:15,133 --> 00:27:17,718
This diarrhea, vomiting, fatigue...
503
00:27:17,719 --> 00:27:19,220
to end up like this.
504
00:27:20,013 --> 00:27:22,139
I should never have given in
to false hope.
505
00:27:22,140 --> 00:27:23,474
Okay. Okay.
506
00:27:23,475 --> 00:27:26,353
All right, what does the doctor say?
Tell me.
507
00:27:26,853 --> 00:27:29,188
Oh, that I could live for months,
508
00:27:29,189 --> 00:27:30,273
maybe a year.
509
00:27:31,399 --> 00:27:33,525
He even wants me to continue
with the treatment,
510
00:27:33,526 --> 00:27:35,235
even though it looks hopeless.
511
00:27:35,236 --> 00:27:36,612
Maybe it will work this time.
512
00:27:36,613 --> 00:27:38,698
I don't wanna wallow in self-pity.
513
00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:47,581
But I'm not a stoic. I'm sorry.
514
00:27:47,582 --> 00:27:50,335
I don't wanna go through
excruciating pain.
515
00:27:51,878 --> 00:27:54,589
You can't be self-possessed
if you're in agony.
516
00:27:55,256 --> 00:27:56,758
You can't think straight.
517
00:27:57,175 --> 00:28:00,512
You can only think of one thing:
the fucking cancer.
518
00:28:03,390 --> 00:28:04,974
I've always taken care of my health,
519
00:28:05,975 --> 00:28:07,227
now I regret it.
520
00:28:07,977 --> 00:28:10,854
The doctor says I have a strong heart.
What does that mean?
521
00:28:10,855 --> 00:28:13,273
My body is just gonna go on fighting...
522
00:28:13,274 --> 00:28:16,443
while I suffer and suffer
until my last breath?
523
00:28:17,445 --> 00:28:18,530
I don't know.
524
00:28:20,615 --> 00:28:22,325
I don't know how to help you.
525
00:28:23,576 --> 00:28:24,661
I'm so sorry.
526
00:28:29,457 --> 00:28:31,751
I think I deserve a good death.
527
00:28:34,295 --> 00:28:37,298
At least one without convulsions
in my last moments.
528
00:28:38,133 --> 00:28:40,050
Going out with a little bit of dignity,
529
00:28:40,051 --> 00:28:41,678
clean and dry.
530
00:28:44,556 --> 00:28:46,807
But I know I'm asking too much...
531
00:28:46,808 --> 00:28:50,228
- What are you doing up, Martha?
- I'm fucking over this.
532
00:28:50,729 --> 00:28:52,604
- Can you help her, please?
- Of course.
533
00:28:52,605 --> 00:28:53,939
Let's get you back in bed.
534
00:28:53,940 --> 00:28:56,025
Come on. Let me help you.
535
00:28:57,485 --> 00:28:58,319
Bring it on.
536
00:28:58,778 --> 00:29:00,070
Here we go.
537
00:29:02,824 --> 00:29:04,993
I'll end up turning into a junkie.
538
00:29:06,244 --> 00:29:07,912
I am one already, I guess.
539
00:29:08,413 --> 00:29:10,789
It's okay. Really.
540
00:29:10,790 --> 00:29:12,917
Here, this will help.
541
00:29:51,456 --> 00:29:52,582
Are you still here?
542
00:29:54,042 --> 00:29:54,876
Yes.
543
00:29:58,546 --> 00:30:00,381
Should I ask them to bring your dinner?
544
00:30:01,966 --> 00:30:02,884
Are you hungry?
545
00:30:03,635 --> 00:30:04,469
No.
546
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:08,515
Ingrid...
547
00:30:11,184 --> 00:30:14,729
Do you think I need to say goodbye
to my closest friends?
548
00:30:15,438 --> 00:30:17,607
I think you should do
whatever you wanna do.
549
00:30:18,858 --> 00:30:21,361
I just want peace and quiet.
550
00:30:23,154 --> 00:30:26,074
Have you thought about
how you wanna spend your time?
551
00:30:28,535 --> 00:30:29,369
And where?
552
00:30:30,161 --> 00:30:32,038
Is there some place you'd like to go?
553
00:30:33,248 --> 00:30:34,082
Look.
554
00:30:39,504 --> 00:30:41,339
Pink snowflakes.
555
00:30:43,675 --> 00:30:46,803
There had to be something good
about climate change.
556
00:30:48,972 --> 00:30:50,014
Wow...
557
00:30:51,641 --> 00:30:53,184
I've lived to see that.
558
00:30:58,398 --> 00:31:01,109
You remember the end of Joyce's The Dead?
559
00:31:02,026 --> 00:31:03,111
Vaguely.
560
00:31:04,529 --> 00:31:06,281
"The snow was falling,
561
00:31:08,157 --> 00:31:10,410
falling on the lonely churchyard,
562
00:31:11,828 --> 00:31:14,831
falling faintly through the universe.
563
00:31:16,916 --> 00:31:18,877
And faintly falling,
564
00:31:19,919 --> 00:31:22,547
like the descent of their last end...
565
00:31:24,924 --> 00:31:27,093
on all the living
566
00:31:28,428 --> 00:31:29,470
and the dead."
567
00:31:34,100 --> 00:31:35,643
It's getting late and, uh...
568
00:31:36,936 --> 00:31:38,021
I should be going.
569
00:31:46,154 --> 00:31:46,988
Thank you.
570
00:31:48,740 --> 00:31:50,074
I'll see you tomorrow.
571
00:32:37,330 --> 00:32:39,666
There's still a half an hour
before the movie starts.
572
00:32:40,124 --> 00:32:42,209
Should we go in and get
our seats before the rush?
573
00:32:42,210 --> 00:32:44,295
No. I wanna talk to you about something.
574
00:32:45,171 --> 00:32:46,004
Okay.
575
00:32:46,005 --> 00:32:48,424
I will not go out in mortifying anguish.
576
00:32:49,258 --> 00:32:51,219
I've gotten hold of a euthanasia pill.
577
00:32:51,636 --> 00:32:52,886
Don't ask me how,
578
00:32:52,887 --> 00:32:55,181
on the Dark Web
you can find almost anything.
579
00:32:55,932 --> 00:32:59,393
I also have an abundance of opioids
for the moments of pain.
580
00:32:59,394 --> 00:33:00,560
And don't look at me like that.
581
00:33:00,561 --> 00:33:03,022
I'm not asking you
to convince me otherwise.
582
00:33:03,982 --> 00:33:05,274
I don't know what to say.
583
00:33:06,067 --> 00:33:07,735
I'm hoping you'll say yes.
584
00:33:08,486 --> 00:33:09,404
Yes to what?
585
00:33:10,071 --> 00:33:11,739
To my asking you to help me.
586
00:33:12,407 --> 00:33:13,658
Help you what?
587
00:33:15,118 --> 00:33:17,577
I've faced death several times,
588
00:33:17,578 --> 00:33:19,330
but I've always been accompanied.
589
00:33:20,164 --> 00:33:23,501
We reporters formed
a kind of mobile family.
590
00:33:25,461 --> 00:33:26,921
This is another war,
591
00:33:28,006 --> 00:33:29,298
I'm not afraid of it.
592
00:33:29,841 --> 00:33:33,177
But like the other times I faced death...
593
00:33:35,138 --> 00:33:37,140
I don't wanna be alone, Ingrid.
594
00:33:39,642 --> 00:33:41,019
I'm asking you...
595
00:33:41,936 --> 00:33:43,938
to be in the next room.
596
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:47,065
I think we should go get our seats.
597
00:33:47,066 --> 00:33:48,567
Yeah, sure,
598
00:33:48,568 --> 00:33:51,487
but I prefer to go on talking to you,
if you don't mind.
599
00:33:53,698 --> 00:33:55,074
Okay. Um...
600
00:33:56,868 --> 00:33:58,786
Do you know when you wanna do this?
601
00:33:59,704 --> 00:34:00,747
Not exactly.
602
00:34:01,831 --> 00:34:02,749
Within a month?
603
00:34:04,917 --> 00:34:08,212
Before I start to deteriorate
and you don't recognize me.
604
00:34:08,963 --> 00:34:11,966
These next weeks,
I should be reasonably well,
605
00:34:12,925 --> 00:34:14,760
but I wanna do it soon.
606
00:34:14,761 --> 00:34:18,306
My doctors think that I'm gonna return
to complete the treatment.
607
00:34:19,015 --> 00:34:21,434
It's best they don't suspect anything.
608
00:34:22,268 --> 00:34:23,769
Where do you wanna do it?
609
00:34:23,770 --> 00:34:25,396
I don't wanna be at home.
610
00:34:28,107 --> 00:34:30,985
And I don't wanna go back
to anywhere I've been happy.
611
00:34:33,488 --> 00:34:35,614
It's always a mistake
to return to some place
612
00:34:35,615 --> 00:34:37,115
you've been truly happy.
613
00:34:37,116 --> 00:34:39,868
You just ruin the good memories
of the first time.
614
00:34:39,869 --> 00:34:41,620
No, I understand that.
615
00:34:41,621 --> 00:34:44,956
I think it will be easier for me
to let myself go
616
00:34:44,957 --> 00:34:48,753
if I'm not surrounded by familiar things,
617
00:34:49,253 --> 00:34:50,421
intimate things.
618
00:34:51,214 --> 00:34:53,257
I think that would hold me back.
619
00:34:55,802 --> 00:34:58,763
I prefer some unknown place,
620
00:34:59,806 --> 00:35:01,599
comfortable and safe,
621
00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:04,227
and not too far away.
622
00:35:05,144 --> 00:35:09,148
Do you need my help finding a place
or getting you settled in?
623
00:35:09,690 --> 00:35:11,317
No, no, no.
624
00:35:11,901 --> 00:35:13,402
No, I can take care of that part.
625
00:35:15,154 --> 00:35:18,032
What I need is somebody
to be there with me,
626
00:35:19,242 --> 00:35:20,660
in the room next door.
627
00:35:23,204 --> 00:35:25,122
Wouldn't you prefer someone
you're closer to?
628
00:35:25,123 --> 00:35:26,540
We're very close.
629
00:35:26,541 --> 00:35:28,708
No, yes, of course, of course, we are.
630
00:35:28,709 --> 00:35:31,086
Oh, my God, we're very close. I just...
631
00:35:31,087 --> 00:35:33,673
There were years
where we didn't see each other.
632
00:35:34,465 --> 00:35:35,924
What about Stella?
633
00:35:35,925 --> 00:35:37,259
Or Maggie?
634
00:35:37,260 --> 00:35:38,260
Or Vanessa?
635
00:35:38,261 --> 00:35:40,470
You've all been friends
since you were kids.
636
00:35:40,471 --> 00:35:42,932
I admit I thought of them first.
637
00:35:43,975 --> 00:35:45,684
I asked all three of them.
638
00:35:45,685 --> 00:35:49,063
They all were horrified,
and they all said no.
639
00:35:50,356 --> 00:35:51,481
They understood it,
640
00:35:51,482 --> 00:35:55,402
but they said they could never be a part
of helping me take my own life.
641
00:35:55,403 --> 00:35:57,362
Absolutely not.
642
00:35:57,363 --> 00:35:59,824
- What about your daughter?
- It wouldn't be fair to her.
643
00:36:00,950 --> 00:36:02,577
I've been an absent mother.
644
00:36:03,202 --> 00:36:04,995
I don't wanna impose my dying on her.
645
00:36:04,996 --> 00:36:09,291
You could at least consult her
and let her be a part of it.
646
00:36:09,292 --> 00:36:11,085
We're two strangers, Ingrid.
647
00:36:12,837 --> 00:36:15,338
She made that clear
when I told her about my doubts
648
00:36:15,339 --> 00:36:16,632
about the treatment.
649
00:36:17,675 --> 00:36:19,385
"It's your choice," she said.
650
00:36:20,887 --> 00:36:21,804
And she's right.
651
00:36:22,972 --> 00:36:23,806
Right.
652
00:36:50,541 --> 00:36:52,001
No matter what,
653
00:36:52,793 --> 00:36:54,962
people want you to keep fighting.
654
00:36:56,672 --> 00:36:59,467
This is the way we've been
taught to see cancer.
655
00:37:00,551 --> 00:37:05,347
As a fight between patient and disease,
656
00:37:05,348 --> 00:37:08,184
which is to say between good and evil.
657
00:37:08,893 --> 00:37:11,187
If you survive, you're a hero.
658
00:37:12,313 --> 00:37:14,148
If you lose, well...
659
00:37:15,775 --> 00:37:17,902
perhaps you didn't fight hard enough.
660
00:37:20,029 --> 00:37:21,988
People don't like using words like
661
00:37:21,989 --> 00:37:25,242
"terminal" or "incurable."
662
00:37:25,243 --> 00:37:27,953
They call that defeatist talk.
663
00:37:27,954 --> 00:37:31,749
Some of the worst stuff comes from
the cancer support community.
664
00:37:32,458 --> 00:37:35,044
Some of them
think of your cancer as a gift,
665
00:37:35,461 --> 00:37:38,171
an opportunity for spiritual growth.
666
00:37:38,172 --> 00:37:39,340
Bullshit!
667
00:37:40,132 --> 00:37:43,219
People should see this
is my way of fighting.
668
00:37:45,346 --> 00:37:48,474
Cancer can't get me if I get me first.
669
00:37:51,227 --> 00:37:53,729
And what's the point in waiting
670
00:37:54,981 --> 00:37:56,357
when I'm so ready to go?
671
00:37:58,067 --> 00:38:00,360
Are you completely sure you're ready?
672
00:38:00,361 --> 00:38:01,445
Totally.
673
00:38:02,196 --> 00:38:03,698
Since the first diagnosis.
674
00:38:06,409 --> 00:38:08,827
You know I have a terrible fear of death.
675
00:38:08,828 --> 00:38:10,036
I know.
676
00:38:10,037 --> 00:38:11,288
I've read your book.
677
00:38:11,289 --> 00:38:13,374
That's why I didn't ask you first.
678
00:38:15,710 --> 00:38:18,253
- But you understand me, don't you?
- I do, I do.
679
00:38:18,254 --> 00:38:20,463
I envy you.
You're in control of your life.
680
00:38:20,464 --> 00:38:24,259
I only need you to accompany me
the days leading to it,
681
00:38:24,260 --> 00:38:25,928
as if we were on vacation.
682
00:38:26,929 --> 00:38:29,431
I just wanna know that, when it happens,
683
00:38:29,432 --> 00:38:31,725
there'll be someone in the next room.
684
00:38:31,726 --> 00:38:33,518
It terrifies me, Martha.
685
00:38:33,519 --> 00:38:34,436
I understand.
686
00:38:34,437 --> 00:38:36,229
I... I think that you have
every right to do this
687
00:38:36,230 --> 00:38:37,480
and I admire you for it,
688
00:38:37,481 --> 00:38:39,983
but I don't know that I can be
the one to find you dead.
689
00:38:39,984 --> 00:38:41,151
I'm not that strong.
690
00:38:41,152 --> 00:38:43,112
You're much stronger
than you think you are.
691
00:38:45,740 --> 00:38:48,200
Anyway, I had to try.
692
00:38:52,163 --> 00:38:53,997
I can't answer you now, Martha,
693
00:38:53,998 --> 00:38:55,415
but I promise you I'll think about it.
694
00:38:55,416 --> 00:38:58,168
Right now, I'm too confused
and too terrified.
695
00:38:58,169 --> 00:38:59,420
I understand.
696
00:38:59,879 --> 00:39:01,630
I understand it's sudden...
697
00:39:03,716 --> 00:39:05,383
and it's disconcerting.
698
00:39:09,930 --> 00:39:11,265
I'll think of someone.
699
00:39:21,734 --> 00:39:22,817
I wasn't too much?
700
00:39:22,818 --> 00:39:24,278
No, no.
701
00:40:04,110 --> 00:40:05,110
Martha?
702
00:40:05,111 --> 00:40:06,361
Hello, Ingrid.
703
00:40:06,362 --> 00:40:07,696
I've made up my mind.
704
00:40:11,075 --> 00:40:11,909
Come on in.
705
00:40:13,411 --> 00:40:15,079
The owner is a jewelry designer.
706
00:40:15,621 --> 00:40:18,248
She is a friend of mine,
so I don't pay much rent.
707
00:40:18,249 --> 00:40:19,208
Mm.
708
00:40:20,209 --> 00:40:22,168
You get the impression it's been furnished
709
00:40:22,169 --> 00:40:23,504
with stuff from the garbage.
710
00:40:24,213 --> 00:40:25,631
Not everything.
711
00:40:26,632 --> 00:40:29,260
And it takes talent to
pick stuff out of the garbage.
712
00:40:29,844 --> 00:40:31,387
You haven't finished moving in.
713
00:40:32,471 --> 00:40:34,598
- Do you want a hand?
- Uh...
714
00:40:35,349 --> 00:40:36,475
No.
715
00:40:38,853 --> 00:40:39,854
I'll do it after.
716
00:40:41,439 --> 00:40:44,233
And, even so, you're going with Martha.
717
00:40:46,110 --> 00:40:48,112
She is totally alone, Damian.
718
00:40:48,863 --> 00:40:51,156
None of her friends
are helping her with this.
719
00:40:51,157 --> 00:40:53,492
She even told me
I wasn't her first choice.
720
00:40:54,452 --> 00:40:56,536
It's like her daughter doesn't even exist.
721
00:40:56,537 --> 00:40:59,747
In the years I was with her,
she never told me she had a daughter.
722
00:40:59,748 --> 00:41:01,000
I know, it's a...
723
00:41:01,625 --> 00:41:03,001
It's a sad story.
724
00:41:03,002 --> 00:41:06,297
It's a terrible,
terrible misunderstanding.
725
00:41:09,592 --> 00:41:11,260
Have you told her that we're in touch?
726
00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:12,803
Uh...
727
00:41:13,304 --> 00:41:14,179
No...
728
00:41:14,180 --> 00:41:16,848
Um, we've talked about you
in a... in a general way.
729
00:41:16,849 --> 00:41:19,185
- She has nice memories of you.
- Really?
730
00:41:20,019 --> 00:41:22,437
Our relationship was mostly physical.
731
00:41:22,438 --> 00:41:24,857
She was always about to go off
somewhere else,
732
00:41:25,316 --> 00:41:29,361
that's why our lovemaking
had that sense of urgency.
733
00:41:29,737 --> 00:41:33,656
It was like having sex with a terrorist.
It always felt like the last time.
734
00:41:33,657 --> 00:41:36,201
Well, she rates you
pretty highly as a lover.
735
00:41:36,202 --> 00:41:37,911
I'd like to know what rating you give me.
736
00:41:37,912 --> 00:41:40,079
I can't believe
you're still flirting with me.
737
00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:42,874
- I'm serious.
- No, you're not serious.
738
00:41:42,875 --> 00:41:45,085
What's serious is Martha's situation.
739
00:41:45,503 --> 00:41:47,213
And your being terrified of death?
740
00:41:48,130 --> 00:41:49,923
You just published a book about that.
741
00:41:49,924 --> 00:41:52,008
Have you overcome that thanks to the book?
742
00:41:52,009 --> 00:41:53,511
No.
743
00:42:03,020 --> 00:42:04,897
Hi. How are you?
744
00:42:05,523 --> 00:42:06,357
Better.
745
00:42:06,899 --> 00:42:08,901
Much better since you said yes.
746
00:42:09,735 --> 00:42:12,029
- Where are you? Are you at home?
- Yeah.
747
00:42:12,613 --> 00:42:14,030
I'm watering the plants.
748
00:42:14,031 --> 00:42:16,824
I thought you had someone
who did that for you.
749
00:42:16,825 --> 00:42:17,785
I do.
750
00:42:18,619 --> 00:42:21,204
But today I felt like doing it,
and I am enjoying it.
751
00:42:21,205 --> 00:42:24,123
Okay. Good. Um...
752
00:42:24,124 --> 00:42:27,211
Have you... Have you decided
where we're going?
753
00:42:27,711 --> 00:42:29,129
That's why I called.
754
00:42:30,130 --> 00:42:33,716
It's near Woodstock,
it's about two hours from the city.
755
00:42:33,717 --> 00:42:35,802
It looks fantastic.
756
00:42:35,803 --> 00:42:39,723
It's a bit expensive, but, hey,
the occasion calls for it.
757
00:42:41,809 --> 00:42:44,102
So, do you know how long...
758
00:42:44,103 --> 00:42:45,812
I've rented it for a month.
759
00:42:45,813 --> 00:42:48,356
That should give me more than enough time.
760
00:42:48,357 --> 00:42:49,440
A month?
761
00:42:49,441 --> 00:42:52,569
Yeah. My blood count's low
762
00:42:52,570 --> 00:42:55,071
and I have to take a break
before I start the new treatment
763
00:42:55,072 --> 00:42:58,242
and you are the only one who knows
I'm not going back to the hospital.
764
00:42:58,826 --> 00:43:01,119
It's not like I've picked a date.
765
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:04,164
I mean, you'll never know it anyway.
766
00:43:05,249 --> 00:43:07,543
But... I'm ready to go.
767
00:43:09,253 --> 00:43:11,088
I would even say I'm impatient.
768
00:43:11,964 --> 00:43:13,715
I'm gonna be giving a lecture
769
00:43:13,716 --> 00:43:15,758
near Woodstock at Bard in two weeks,
770
00:43:15,759 --> 00:43:17,553
- so we can see each other.
- Mm.
771
00:43:17,928 --> 00:43:20,973
I don't think that's a good idea,
I'll be with Martha all the time.
772
00:43:21,765 --> 00:43:24,518
- I'll call you if I can.
- You're going to need a lawyer.
773
00:43:25,185 --> 00:43:27,186
Yes, I should look for one.
774
00:43:27,187 --> 00:43:30,356
Let me help you with that,
but I'll have to fill them in.
775
00:43:30,357 --> 00:43:32,859
No, no, in that case, no.
776
00:43:32,860 --> 00:43:34,402
This is an absolute secret.
777
00:43:34,403 --> 00:43:36,112
Martha doesn't even know I've told you.
778
00:43:36,113 --> 00:43:39,074
Okay. But if you need anything,
you should let me know.
779
00:43:40,951 --> 00:43:42,244
I worry about you.
780
00:43:43,162 --> 00:43:43,996
Thank you.
781
00:44:42,388 --> 00:44:43,681
According to this map...
782
00:44:44,473 --> 00:44:46,516
we go up these stairs to enter the house.
783
00:44:46,517 --> 00:44:47,643
Okay.
784
00:45:17,673 --> 00:45:18,507
Look at this.
785
00:45:33,856 --> 00:45:36,149
Wow, it's so beautiful!
786
00:45:36,150 --> 00:45:39,486
It's so much more beautiful
than in the photographs.
787
00:45:43,031 --> 00:45:45,032
Is that a real Hopper?
788
00:45:45,033 --> 00:45:46,952
I don't think
they would have left it here.
789
00:45:47,536 --> 00:45:49,204
It's a very good copy.
790
00:45:49,746 --> 00:45:50,581
It looks real.
791
00:46:14,021 --> 00:46:15,730
- Do you hear them?
- Mm-hm.
792
00:46:15,731 --> 00:46:17,107
Isn't that wonderful?
793
00:46:21,904 --> 00:46:24,698
And we can lie in the sun,
like in the Hopper...
794
00:46:26,366 --> 00:46:28,744
and catch the evening breeze.
795
00:46:34,541 --> 00:46:35,375
Are you okay?
796
00:46:37,794 --> 00:46:38,962
Very happy.
797
00:46:56,855 --> 00:46:58,731
Do you mind if I take this one?
798
00:46:58,732 --> 00:47:00,651
Of course not. It's your house.
799
00:47:04,696 --> 00:47:07,823
This one is a little small,
I'm gonna look downstairs.
800
00:47:07,824 --> 00:47:08,742
All right.
801
00:47:26,677 --> 00:47:28,637
I'm gonna take this one, okay?
802
00:47:29,596 --> 00:47:30,889
Very good!
803
00:47:32,474 --> 00:47:35,394
You don't mind that
I'm not in the room next door?
804
00:47:35,894 --> 00:47:37,896
I can hear you breathe!
805
00:47:38,814 --> 00:47:40,315
And yell!
806
00:47:41,733 --> 00:47:42,943
Okay!
807
00:47:51,285 --> 00:47:52,244
Here we go.
808
00:47:57,165 --> 00:47:59,000
Let's get you unpacked.
809
00:47:59,001 --> 00:48:00,085
Thank you.
810
00:48:00,961 --> 00:48:02,254
I'll unpack it later.
811
00:48:02,879 --> 00:48:05,089
You're not my caretaker, Ingrid.
812
00:48:05,090 --> 00:48:06,341
You're my guest.
813
00:48:07,134 --> 00:48:08,051
Okay.
814
00:48:08,427 --> 00:48:09,302
Um...
815
00:48:09,303 --> 00:48:11,054
I'll go unpack my things.
816
00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:30,449
Martha?
817
00:48:33,118 --> 00:48:34,286
Ah!
818
00:48:35,370 --> 00:48:36,413
What is it, honey?
819
00:48:37,205 --> 00:48:38,873
- You won't believe it!
- What?
820
00:48:38,874 --> 00:48:39,957
I forgot it!
821
00:48:39,958 --> 00:48:41,500
You... You forgot what?
822
00:48:41,501 --> 00:48:42,960
The pill, the euthanasia pill!
823
00:48:42,961 --> 00:48:45,421
I brought all the others!
We have to go back.
824
00:48:45,422 --> 00:48:47,423
Oh, it's okay, we'll go back
first thing in the morning.
825
00:48:47,424 --> 00:48:48,966
- Don't worry about it.
- No, no, no, not tomorrow!
826
00:48:48,967 --> 00:48:50,093
We have to go now!
827
00:48:50,218 --> 00:48:54,180
I just need to be sure that
I didn't lose it or misplace it,
828
00:48:54,181 --> 00:48:56,224
that I didn't just dream it up.
829
00:48:56,516 --> 00:48:57,934
Okay.
830
00:49:03,857 --> 00:49:06,818
Buying another pill
would be extremely complicated.
831
00:49:08,904 --> 00:49:12,490
I have a friend who knows a mathematician
832
00:49:12,491 --> 00:49:14,493
who found it on the Dark Web.
833
00:49:15,911 --> 00:49:17,245
It's all very sordid,
834
00:49:18,163 --> 00:49:20,415
not to mention totally illegal.
835
00:49:23,877 --> 00:49:24,711
It's scary...
836
00:49:25,545 --> 00:49:27,588
knowing that all that exists
837
00:49:27,589 --> 00:49:29,966
just behind our computer screens.
838
00:49:32,427 --> 00:49:33,804
I feel like a criminal.
839
00:49:38,809 --> 00:49:40,519
Never thought I'd be back here again.
840
00:49:41,311 --> 00:49:42,979
With that wonderful skyline.
841
00:49:43,689 --> 00:49:45,606
Life always surprises you.
842
00:49:45,607 --> 00:49:47,400
All right, let's get to work.
843
00:49:47,401 --> 00:49:49,485
- Okay.
- I'll start in the kitchen.
844
00:49:49,486 --> 00:49:50,695
Don't worry, we'll find it.
845
00:49:50,696 --> 00:49:53,948
Just try to think of all the places
you usually hide things.
846
00:49:53,949 --> 00:49:55,533
This is the first thing
I have ever hidden.
847
00:49:55,534 --> 00:49:56,450
Really?
848
00:49:56,451 --> 00:49:59,579
The only thing I can remember
is I put it in an envelope.
849
00:49:59,955 --> 00:50:01,497
Okay. Uh...
850
00:50:01,498 --> 00:50:03,249
Why don't I start in your office?
851
00:50:03,250 --> 00:50:04,625
- Is that okay? Okay.
- Yeah, yeah.
852
00:50:04,626 --> 00:50:07,129
Where did I put it? Where did I put it?
853
00:50:26,106 --> 00:50:28,400
Oh, my God. I'm never gonna find it.
854
00:51:42,808 --> 00:51:44,059
I found an envelope.
855
00:51:44,768 --> 00:51:45,894
That's it!
856
00:51:46,812 --> 00:51:47,812
Where did you find it?
857
00:51:47,813 --> 00:51:48,979
In your desk.
858
00:51:48,980 --> 00:51:51,608
There was a key in a drawer
and I opened it.
859
00:51:52,234 --> 00:51:54,068
How could I have forgotten?
860
00:51:54,069 --> 00:51:55,778
I even left the key in it?
861
00:51:55,779 --> 00:51:58,113
Well, you meant to take it,
at the last minute, you forgot.
862
00:51:58,114 --> 00:51:59,282
It's not so weird.
863
00:52:01,576 --> 00:52:02,911
Thank you.
864
00:52:03,912 --> 00:52:05,872
Such a strange sensation.
865
00:52:07,332 --> 00:52:09,208
It's like being here after I'm dead.
866
00:52:09,209 --> 00:52:10,710
Oh, God, don't say that.
867
00:52:11,753 --> 00:52:14,005
It's too soon for you
to refer to yourself as a ghost.
868
00:52:15,632 --> 00:52:17,508
Let me straighten up before we leave.
869
00:52:17,509 --> 00:52:18,467
Thank you.
870
00:53:13,857 --> 00:53:15,525
Forgive me for all this hassle.
871
00:53:16,192 --> 00:53:17,443
I'm sorry, really.
872
00:53:17,444 --> 00:53:19,029
It's okay.
873
00:53:20,196 --> 00:53:22,574
What a great place to return to.
874
00:53:24,367 --> 00:53:26,160
Stupid fridge.
875
00:53:26,161 --> 00:53:27,537
You need some help?
876
00:53:30,373 --> 00:53:31,249
I got it.
877
00:53:38,548 --> 00:53:39,549
You know, maybe...
878
00:53:40,550 --> 00:53:43,178
leaving the pill behind
was a kind of a sign?
879
00:53:44,596 --> 00:53:46,598
Maybe you're not as ready as you think.
880
00:53:49,225 --> 00:53:51,478
I told you never to say that to me.
881
00:53:53,396 --> 00:53:54,856
I don't remember you telling me that.
882
00:53:57,984 --> 00:53:59,945
I think I've said so many things to you.
883
00:54:01,446 --> 00:54:03,531
That's the problem with chemo brain.
884
00:54:05,075 --> 00:54:08,453
My memory keeps failing me
and I get distracted so easily.
885
00:54:10,872 --> 00:54:14,500
It can continue even
after the treatment stops...
886
00:54:14,501 --> 00:54:16,211
and it can go on for years.
887
00:54:17,379 --> 00:54:19,172
I'll be spared that, at least.
888
00:54:22,008 --> 00:54:22,884
When I write...
889
00:54:24,427 --> 00:54:25,261
When I wrote...
890
00:54:27,305 --> 00:54:29,641
I had to proofread a thousand times.
891
00:54:30,183 --> 00:54:32,768
I can't trust my judgment
about anything anymore.
892
00:54:32,769 --> 00:54:33,687
Well...
893
00:54:34,521 --> 00:54:37,107
Then why do you trust this decision?
894
00:54:38,066 --> 00:54:40,443
How do you know it's not chemo brain, too?
895
00:54:42,028 --> 00:54:45,407
I've left the pill in the top drawer
of the bedside table.
896
00:54:46,449 --> 00:54:47,616
If I forget,
897
00:54:47,617 --> 00:54:48,868
which I don't think I will,
898
00:54:49,452 --> 00:54:50,578
you will remind me.
899
00:54:51,705 --> 00:54:54,249
And I prefer not to talk
about this anymore.
900
00:54:54,916 --> 00:54:57,711
Well, it's my business, too,
don't you think?
901
00:55:01,297 --> 00:55:02,841
Sure. Of course.
902
00:55:05,218 --> 00:55:08,846
I'll leave a signed letter for the police
telling them everything,
903
00:55:08,847 --> 00:55:11,975
including the name of the pill
and where I got it.
904
00:55:12,600 --> 00:55:15,687
Your name will not appear anywhere.
905
00:55:16,855 --> 00:55:20,066
All you have to do is to say
that you know nothing.
906
00:55:20,608 --> 00:55:22,068
Don't budge from that.
907
00:55:23,403 --> 00:55:25,612
I don't wanna give you
any more information.
908
00:55:25,613 --> 00:55:27,240
The less you know, the better.
909
00:55:29,200 --> 00:55:30,201
And this is important.
910
00:55:36,541 --> 00:55:38,751
I'll sleep with my door open,
911
00:55:38,752 --> 00:55:41,087
and the day that you find it closed
912
00:55:41,963 --> 00:55:43,757
is the day it's already happened.
913
00:55:44,466 --> 00:55:46,551
That's the sign, door closed.
914
00:55:52,474 --> 00:55:53,975
I know it's difficult.
915
00:55:57,145 --> 00:55:58,813
But just think we're on vacation.
916
00:56:00,732 --> 00:56:03,777
You can write, we can come and go...
917
00:56:04,694 --> 00:56:06,529
I don't think I'll be able to concentrate.
918
00:56:08,740 --> 00:56:09,657
And if I write,
919
00:56:10,241 --> 00:56:12,701
you might show up in it somewhere
and I don't wanna do that.
920
00:56:12,702 --> 00:56:13,619
Yeah.
921
00:56:13,620 --> 00:56:17,456
That could complicate your life
if the police investigate.
922
00:56:17,457 --> 00:56:20,125
- Well, I'm not gonna do it.
- Wait till I'm dead.
923
00:56:20,126 --> 00:56:21,086
Oh, God!
924
00:56:22,462 --> 00:56:26,007
Can you not say
"wait until I'm dead," please?
925
00:56:28,635 --> 00:56:29,511
I promise.
926
00:56:32,305 --> 00:56:33,806
I'd like to find a gym
somewhere around here
927
00:56:33,807 --> 00:56:35,475
that I can go to a couple of days a week.
928
00:56:37,894 --> 00:56:39,561
I'm the only one who eats
and I don't want to gain
929
00:56:39,562 --> 00:56:41,230
ten pounds while you waste away.
930
00:56:41,231 --> 00:56:42,815
Oh, give me a chance.
931
00:56:42,816 --> 00:56:44,609
I'll catch up with you.
932
00:56:47,821 --> 00:56:49,114
Look! I'm eating.
933
00:56:51,407 --> 00:56:54,035
I have practically
held death in my hands.
934
00:56:55,954 --> 00:56:58,914
I never imagined
it would be something so light.
935
00:57:35,201 --> 00:57:36,035
Martha?
936
00:57:39,789 --> 00:57:41,623
Good morning.
937
00:57:41,624 --> 00:57:42,750
Good morning!
938
00:57:43,376 --> 00:57:44,627
I'm making breakfast.
939
00:57:45,753 --> 00:57:46,920
You want some toast?
940
00:57:46,921 --> 00:57:48,922
No, just some coffee.
941
00:57:48,923 --> 00:57:50,340
Help yourself. It's already made.
942
00:57:50,341 --> 00:57:52,177
There's juice, fruit...
943
00:57:52,927 --> 00:57:54,012
whatever you want.
944
00:57:59,601 --> 00:58:01,853
My behavior yesterday was unacceptable.
945
00:58:03,062 --> 00:58:05,857
I completely understand
that it drove you crazy.
946
00:58:07,275 --> 00:58:10,445
But in my current state,
I can't make any promises.
947
00:58:11,529 --> 00:58:12,614
So, just in case...
948
00:58:15,658 --> 00:58:18,286
I put a medium range sedative
in this drawer.
949
00:58:18,828 --> 00:58:20,621
And if you find me unbearable,
950
00:58:20,622 --> 00:58:24,166
you just have one and you can relax.
951
00:58:24,167 --> 00:58:25,835
I could have used that last night.
952
00:58:27,545 --> 00:58:30,465
You're one of a kind, Martha.
You really... you really are.
953
00:58:32,217 --> 00:58:34,134
I've made a list of stuff to buy.
954
00:58:34,135 --> 00:58:35,470
We need a few things.
955
00:58:37,138 --> 00:58:38,389
Is there anything you want me to get?
956
00:58:39,766 --> 00:58:40,850
Don't think so.
957
00:58:42,393 --> 00:58:43,936
Do you wanna come to the store with me?
958
00:58:45,939 --> 00:58:47,023
Maybe another day.
959
00:58:47,899 --> 00:58:49,067
So nice here.
960
00:58:50,318 --> 00:58:52,528
I'd like to stay if you don't mind.
961
00:58:52,529 --> 00:58:53,863
No, of course not.
962
00:58:56,157 --> 00:58:58,701
I found a gym nearby, too.
963
00:58:59,327 --> 00:59:00,328
That's great.
964
00:59:00,870 --> 00:59:02,789
I think that's a very good idea.
965
00:59:05,792 --> 00:59:06,876
Okay, well...
966
00:59:08,461 --> 00:59:10,672
I have my phone with me
if you need anything.
967
00:59:11,548 --> 00:59:12,382
Thanks, love.
968
00:59:28,481 --> 00:59:31,275
Hi. I was hoping
I could use the gym today.
969
00:59:31,276 --> 00:59:32,317
Are you a member?
970
00:59:32,318 --> 00:59:33,860
No. I'm just in town for a little bit.
971
00:59:33,861 --> 00:59:37,239
If you use one of our personal trainers,
you don't need to be a member.
972
00:59:37,240 --> 00:59:39,658
Okay. I'll use one of your trainers then.
973
00:59:39,659 --> 00:59:41,494
You'll like Jonah, you'll see.
974
00:59:42,453 --> 00:59:43,328
Thanks.
975
00:59:43,329 --> 00:59:46,248
So, would you like to start
a warm-up doing steps?
976
00:59:46,249 --> 00:59:47,750
- Okay.
- Is okay?
977
00:59:48,209 --> 00:59:51,211
Do you think you can do this
for 30 seconds?
978
00:59:51,212 --> 00:59:54,464
- Uh... Sure. All right.
- Okay, go for it. Have a try.
979
00:59:54,465 --> 00:59:57,593
- Um...
- And we are on. Okay, nice.
980
00:59:57,594 --> 00:59:59,052
- Be focused on your leg.
- Mm-hm.
981
00:59:59,053 --> 01:00:00,554
And, if you can, move your arm...
982
01:00:00,555 --> 01:00:01,972
- Okay.
- Okay, with each step.
983
01:00:01,973 --> 01:00:04,309
- Great.
- And we are done.
984
01:00:05,059 --> 01:00:08,312
Nice. You're pretty strong,
you young lady.
985
01:00:08,313 --> 01:00:09,688
What I am is winded.
986
01:00:09,689 --> 01:00:12,442
Well, if you want, there are
other variations we can do.
987
01:00:13,901 --> 01:00:16,863
I mean, you can go try like this.
You can go back and forth.
988
01:00:17,488 --> 01:00:20,324
Or you can jump on it and go left
989
01:00:20,325 --> 01:00:23,410
and right or back and on the box.
990
01:00:23,411 --> 01:00:25,038
- Okay. Okay.
- Have a try one more.
991
01:00:26,539 --> 01:00:27,373
Nice.
992
01:00:28,207 --> 01:00:29,625
Focus on your core here.
993
01:00:29,626 --> 01:00:30,877
And breathe.
994
01:00:32,420 --> 01:00:34,339
Inhale and exhale.
995
01:00:36,966 --> 01:00:38,051
Perfect. One more.
996
01:00:42,221 --> 01:00:43,431
Is everything okay?
997
01:00:48,519 --> 01:00:51,189
When the body is in great shape,
it takes longer to die.
998
01:00:53,900 --> 01:00:55,567
When death comes,
999
01:00:55,568 --> 01:00:58,196
the mind wants to go,
but the body keeps fighting.
1000
01:00:58,905 --> 01:01:01,616
Heart beating "no" with every beat.
1001
01:01:02,575 --> 01:01:03,409
Well...
1002
01:01:03,993 --> 01:01:05,912
all the more reason
to look after yourself.
1003
01:01:07,121 --> 01:01:09,499
- I live with a friend who's dying.
- I'm sorry.
1004
01:01:10,708 --> 01:01:12,585
Come. Let's have a seat.
1005
01:01:13,211 --> 01:01:14,212
Come here.
1006
01:01:18,549 --> 01:01:20,468
Is there anything that I can do?
1007
01:01:26,849 --> 01:01:28,226
I wish I could give you a hug,
1008
01:01:29,310 --> 01:01:31,311
but we're not allowed
to touch clients anymore
1009
01:01:31,312 --> 01:01:33,648
because of the lawsuits and... whatever.
1010
01:01:36,943 --> 01:01:38,069
And it's a problem,
1011
01:01:39,404 --> 01:01:42,490
because it can be hard to correct
people's posture with just words.
1012
01:01:43,157 --> 01:01:44,992
And touching is so important.
1013
01:01:46,327 --> 01:01:48,329
This world is absurd and inhumane.
1014
01:01:48,955 --> 01:01:51,040
I don't see it improving any time soon.
1015
01:01:53,418 --> 01:01:55,128
But thank you, I feel hugged.
1016
01:02:02,927 --> 01:02:05,555
Oh. I've been meaning to read this book.
1017
01:02:06,097 --> 01:02:08,890
Isn't it a wonderful title?
Erotic Vagrancy.
1018
01:02:08,891 --> 01:02:10,184
Do you wanna buy it?
1019
01:02:12,353 --> 01:02:13,896
I won't have time to finish it.
1020
01:02:20,945 --> 01:02:23,614
- I like the way it's laid out here.
- Hmm.
1021
01:02:24,031 --> 01:02:24,991
Oh, look.
1022
01:02:25,658 --> 01:02:26,909
Martha Gellhorn.
1023
01:02:27,952 --> 01:02:29,454
The View from the Ground.
1024
01:02:31,956 --> 01:02:35,626
She wrote that you only ever
truly love one war,
1025
01:02:36,294 --> 01:02:38,546
after that you're just doing your duty.
1026
01:02:40,506 --> 01:02:41,883
Which one was yours?
1027
01:02:43,551 --> 01:02:45,470
Bosnia, without a doubt.
1028
01:02:51,184 --> 01:02:54,019
The fight to survive by the Bosnian people
1029
01:02:54,020 --> 01:02:56,105
against a perfectly equipped army
1030
01:02:57,023 --> 01:03:00,693
stole the hearts of all of us
who witnessed the extermination.
1031
01:03:01,319 --> 01:03:04,238
There are very few women
war correspondents.
1032
01:03:05,448 --> 01:03:07,241
War is a man's thing.
1033
01:03:08,034 --> 01:03:10,160
You have to sort of become one of the guys
1034
01:03:10,161 --> 01:03:13,748
and it was never a problem for me,
I've always lived like a man.
1035
01:03:14,499 --> 01:03:18,544
Actually,
I think what Michelle really missed
1036
01:03:19,462 --> 01:03:22,006
was having a maternal figure in her life.
1037
01:03:22,965 --> 01:03:27,470
And in this, I must admit
that she... she was right.
1038
01:03:28,429 --> 01:03:30,139
Don't be so hard on yourself.
1039
01:03:34,727 --> 01:03:37,313
Hey, look who's coming to town!
1040
01:03:37,772 --> 01:03:39,357
The life of the party!
1041
01:03:39,774 --> 01:03:43,777
"How bad can it get?
Navigating urban life with integrity."
1042
01:03:43,778 --> 01:03:44,694
You feel like going?
1043
01:03:44,695 --> 01:03:46,613
No, you know what? I've heard it already
1044
01:03:46,614 --> 01:03:48,532
and it's not an evening
I'd like to repeat.
1045
01:03:48,533 --> 01:03:50,617
We all have our own personal apocalypses.
1046
01:03:50,618 --> 01:03:52,828
Are you having an awful time with me?
1047
01:03:52,829 --> 01:03:55,497
No, no, I meant him, his lecture.
1048
01:03:55,498 --> 01:03:57,875
- Global crisis, climate change.
- Yeah.
1049
01:03:58,709 --> 01:03:59,544
Hi.
1050
01:04:00,044 --> 01:04:01,087
I love your hair.
1051
01:04:01,796 --> 01:04:02,672
Nice.
1052
01:04:13,808 --> 01:04:15,893
When the nightmares come rushing in,
1053
01:04:16,936 --> 01:04:19,479
I think about all the men I've loved.
1054
01:04:19,480 --> 01:04:21,147
It sounds like a song.
1055
01:04:21,148 --> 01:04:22,899
A good one.
1056
01:04:25,486 --> 01:04:27,446
Even if it was just for one night.
1057
01:04:29,657 --> 01:04:31,576
Sometimes I think about Damian.
1058
01:04:36,789 --> 01:04:38,915
I still think sex is the best way
1059
01:04:38,916 --> 01:04:41,210
to fend off looming thoughts of death.
1060
01:04:42,795 --> 01:04:44,881
Like those Spanish Carmelites.
1061
01:04:46,799 --> 01:04:49,593
Wars turned me into
a promiscuous woman, Ingrid.
1062
01:04:49,594 --> 01:04:50,845
Good.
1063
01:04:53,389 --> 01:04:54,472
Are you still in touch with him?
1064
01:04:54,473 --> 01:04:56,601
- With who?
- Damian.
1065
01:04:57,852 --> 01:04:58,853
Um...
1066
01:04:59,604 --> 01:05:00,938
You know, from time to time.
1067
01:05:03,524 --> 01:05:05,651
"How bad can it get?"
1068
01:05:07,904 --> 01:05:08,738
Well...
1069
01:05:09,947 --> 01:05:12,950
much worse than you imagine,
Damian, honey.
1070
01:05:16,621 --> 01:05:17,455
Hey.
1071
01:05:18,915 --> 01:05:19,874
Are you all right?
1072
01:05:20,833 --> 01:05:22,168
I was trying to write.
1073
01:05:23,669 --> 01:05:24,503
I can't.
1074
01:05:27,882 --> 01:05:31,427
In this war, I'm incapable
of writing anything.
1075
01:05:32,094 --> 01:05:33,137
What about reading?
1076
01:05:34,347 --> 01:05:35,430
You loved to read.
1077
01:05:35,431 --> 01:05:37,433
I've tried.
1078
01:05:39,143 --> 01:05:41,687
I've tried with some
of my favorite writers.
1079
01:05:43,648 --> 01:05:46,108
The spell just isn't there anymore.
1080
01:05:49,028 --> 01:05:50,821
I'm talking about Faulkner,
1081
01:05:52,198 --> 01:05:53,115
Hemingway...
1082
01:05:55,201 --> 01:05:56,619
I can't concentrate.
1083
01:05:58,204 --> 01:06:01,540
My mind just flies off into the void.
1084
01:06:02,833 --> 01:06:04,377
If you're too tired...
1085
01:06:06,003 --> 01:06:06,921
I could read to you.
1086
01:06:10,007 --> 01:06:11,008
Not just reading.
1087
01:06:12,593 --> 01:06:14,512
All pleasure's been reduced.
1088
01:06:17,098 --> 01:06:20,559
It's hard to know what
to pay attention to anymore.
1089
01:06:23,813 --> 01:06:25,231
I have very little time,
1090
01:06:26,273 --> 01:06:27,650
and I don't want to waste it.
1091
01:06:29,777 --> 01:06:31,070
Okay. Um...
1092
01:06:34,699 --> 01:06:38,035
What about music?
1093
01:06:40,579 --> 01:06:42,832
I can only listen to the birds singing.
1094
01:06:44,083 --> 01:06:47,252
Well, luckily, they give us
a serenade every day.
1095
01:06:47,253 --> 01:06:49,797
Music decenters me.
1096
01:06:50,506 --> 01:06:53,341
It comes between me
and whatever it is I'm doing,
1097
01:06:53,342 --> 01:06:55,052
even if it's just thinking.
1098
01:06:56,387 --> 01:06:59,556
Maybe the chemo is affecting my hearing.
1099
01:06:59,557 --> 01:07:00,808
Oh, honey.
1100
01:07:01,934 --> 01:07:04,854
I've been reduced
to very little of myself.
1101
01:07:13,446 --> 01:07:16,574
I long for some peace of body and mind.
1102
01:07:19,368 --> 01:07:22,496
And to just talk whenever
I'm invaded by memory.
1103
01:07:23,622 --> 01:07:24,706
Am I talking too much?
1104
01:07:24,707 --> 01:07:27,125
No, no, no, no. Talk all you want.
1105
01:07:27,126 --> 01:07:28,711
I love listening to you.
1106
01:10:13,459 --> 01:10:14,627
What's going on?
1107
01:10:15,336 --> 01:10:16,670
What's wrong?
1108
01:10:19,590 --> 01:10:21,884
Your door was closed, so I thought you...
1109
01:10:23,427 --> 01:10:25,346
I'm so sorry.
1110
01:10:25,888 --> 01:10:27,640
I opened a window
1111
01:10:28,265 --> 01:10:30,058
and the breeze must have closed it.
1112
01:10:30,059 --> 01:10:31,227
Oh, my God.
1113
01:10:38,317 --> 01:10:42,029
Do you think it's fair to be mad
at me because I'm still alive?
1114
01:10:45,366 --> 01:10:47,368
Think of it as a rehearsal.
1115
01:10:48,953 --> 01:10:50,788
Now you know how it's gonna be.
1116
01:10:51,997 --> 01:10:53,832
You know how you're gonna feel.
1117
01:10:55,459 --> 01:10:57,710
You're gonna have to make some calls
1118
01:10:57,711 --> 01:11:00,422
and act out all the things
we talked about.
1119
01:11:01,382 --> 01:11:03,217
And you never knew anything
1120
01:11:04,134 --> 01:11:05,551
and we were on vacation...
1121
01:11:05,552 --> 01:11:07,304
Please, just stop!
1122
01:11:09,056 --> 01:11:09,890
Okay.
1123
01:12:20,044 --> 01:12:21,587
Should we call it a night?
1124
01:12:23,464 --> 01:12:26,467
Or does the young lady
wanna keep watching movies?
1125
01:12:28,010 --> 01:12:30,888
Did you tell me that they have The Dead?
1126
01:12:32,097 --> 01:12:33,307
Or did I dream that?
1127
01:12:33,766 --> 01:12:35,224
Yeah, they have it.
1128
01:12:35,225 --> 01:12:36,517
Um...
1129
01:12:36,518 --> 01:12:37,478
Do you wanna watch it?
1130
01:12:38,228 --> 01:12:39,395
Yes, please.
1131
01:12:39,396 --> 01:12:40,856
Here we go.
1132
01:12:43,525 --> 01:12:44,485
Here we go.
1133
01:12:55,204 --> 01:12:57,498
Yes, the newspapers are right.
1134
01:12:58,499 --> 01:13:01,710
Snow is general all over Ireland.
1135
01:13:02,211 --> 01:13:06,005
Falling on every part
of the dark central plain,
1136
01:13:06,006 --> 01:13:08,550
on the treeless hills.
1137
01:13:09,385 --> 01:13:11,887
Softly upon the Bog of Allen
1138
01:13:12,513 --> 01:13:16,265
and farther westward, softly falling
1139
01:13:16,266 --> 01:13:20,437
into the dark mutinous Shannon waves.
1140
01:13:21,563 --> 01:13:24,483
One by one, we're all becoming shades.
1141
01:13:27,111 --> 01:13:28,904
Snow is falling,
1142
01:13:30,531 --> 01:13:32,532
falling in that lonely churchyard
1143
01:13:32,533 --> 01:13:34,535
where Michael Furey lies buried.
1144
01:13:36,453 --> 01:13:38,621
Falling faintly through the universe
1145
01:13:38,622 --> 01:13:40,791
and faintly falling,
1146
01:13:41,917 --> 01:13:44,461
like the descent of their last end,
1147
01:13:45,921 --> 01:13:49,132
upon all the living and the dead.
1148
01:14:08,819 --> 01:14:09,862
Do you hear them?
1149
01:14:10,571 --> 01:14:11,405
Mm-hm.
1150
01:14:19,872 --> 01:14:21,206
It's daytime...
1151
01:14:26,044 --> 01:14:27,129
...and you're alive.
1152
01:14:37,723 --> 01:14:39,682
- Oh, this is too much.
- Yeah?
1153
01:14:39,683 --> 01:14:42,144
- This is harder than I thought it'd be.
- Okay.
1154
01:14:44,521 --> 01:14:45,897
I think I need to sit.
1155
01:14:45,898 --> 01:14:48,317
All right. Yeah, let's go sit over here.
1156
01:14:48,734 --> 01:14:50,235
Here, let me help you.
1157
01:14:54,573 --> 01:14:56,825
Hey, I've got you. Here we go.
1158
01:14:57,910 --> 01:14:58,785
Here you go.
1159
01:15:00,329 --> 01:15:01,497
Okay.
1160
01:15:05,083 --> 01:15:07,002
- Oh, that's much better.
- Oh, good.
1161
01:15:11,089 --> 01:15:13,550
Before coming here, I made a new will.
1162
01:15:14,301 --> 01:15:16,929
Oh, let's not talk about this now, please.
1163
01:15:18,472 --> 01:15:20,723
I'm leaving the apartment
and everything in it
1164
01:15:20,724 --> 01:15:22,392
to Michelle and you.
1165
01:15:28,232 --> 01:15:30,484
I found your war journals in your desk.
1166
01:15:31,276 --> 01:15:33,320
What do you want us to do with them?
1167
01:15:33,737 --> 01:15:35,239
Is it okay if I read them?
1168
01:15:35,697 --> 01:15:37,324
Of course, you can read them.
1169
01:15:40,702 --> 01:15:41,994
Can I tell your story?
1170
01:15:41,995 --> 01:15:43,872
You can do what you want.
1171
01:15:44,957 --> 01:15:46,124
I won't be here.
1172
01:15:48,418 --> 01:15:49,294
Can I say that?
1173
01:15:49,920 --> 01:15:50,879
No.
1174
01:15:52,130 --> 01:15:53,131
Okay.
1175
01:16:47,269 --> 01:16:49,354
Let's not talk about this now, okay?
1176
01:16:50,314 --> 01:16:52,815
All right, I'll see you there. Bye.
1177
01:17:00,073 --> 01:17:01,074
Dear Ingrid...
1178
01:17:01,825 --> 01:17:06,120
Today is such a beautiful day
that it seemed to me it...
1179
01:17:08,040 --> 01:17:08,957
Hey.
1180
01:17:09,416 --> 01:17:10,666
Hi.
1181
01:17:10,667 --> 01:17:12,627
- Everything okay?
- Yeah.
1182
01:17:12,628 --> 01:17:14,754
This breeze is delicious.
1183
01:17:14,755 --> 01:17:17,007
Be careful, it's a little chilly.
1184
01:17:18,425 --> 01:17:19,259
Um...
1185
01:17:19,801 --> 01:17:22,011
If you don't need me,
I'm gonna go to the gym.
1186
01:17:22,012 --> 01:17:23,429
But I can stay if you want.
1187
01:17:23,430 --> 01:17:25,723
No. Please, go.
I don't want to be a downer.
1188
01:17:25,724 --> 01:17:28,685
You're not a downer.
You've been pretty well-behaved.
1189
01:17:29,686 --> 01:17:32,064
Have you talked to your trainer about me?
1190
01:17:33,398 --> 01:17:34,274
Um...
1191
01:17:34,733 --> 01:17:37,069
Well... I mean, it came up.
1192
01:17:37,694 --> 01:17:39,945
I was talking about being in good shape
1193
01:17:39,946 --> 01:17:42,990
and the heart beating to survive.
1194
01:17:42,991 --> 01:17:46,118
You know, everything that you
talked about in the hospital,
1195
01:17:46,119 --> 01:17:48,371
and he looked at me like I was a lunatic,
1196
01:17:48,372 --> 01:17:51,750
so I told him I had a friend
that was sick. That's all.
1197
01:17:53,126 --> 01:17:58,047
Just remember you know nothing
about anything.
1198
01:17:58,048 --> 01:17:59,007
Hmm.
1199
01:18:03,512 --> 01:18:05,222
Come here, give me a kiss.
1200
01:18:07,891 --> 01:18:09,184
- You okay?
- Yes.
1201
01:18:32,040 --> 01:18:33,291
- Hi.
- Hi.
1202
01:18:38,755 --> 01:18:40,881
I lied to her, I don't like it.
1203
01:18:40,882 --> 01:18:43,342
- Well, you'll have to practice.
- Lying?
1204
01:18:43,343 --> 01:18:47,139
Yes. Officially, you aren't
aware of Martha's intentions.
1205
01:18:47,806 --> 01:18:48,764
Yeah.
1206
01:18:48,765 --> 01:18:51,308
And I found a lawyer,
in case you need one.
1207
01:18:51,309 --> 01:18:53,436
Thank you. Let's not talk about this now.
1208
01:18:53,437 --> 01:18:54,353
Mm.
1209
01:18:54,354 --> 01:18:55,772
How'd your lecture go?
1210
01:18:57,107 --> 01:19:00,569
Well, they weren't too happy
about my not taking questions.
1211
01:19:01,737 --> 01:19:02,696
In the end,
1212
01:19:04,197 --> 01:19:07,199
people started muttering
and someone called me a coward.
1213
01:19:07,200 --> 01:19:08,993
It doesn't bother me.
1214
01:19:08,994 --> 01:19:13,373
I spent way too much time caring
about my reputation, and for what?
1215
01:19:13,999 --> 01:19:16,208
So, what are you doing with all
that time you've gotten back?
1216
01:19:16,209 --> 01:19:18,837
You doing more of what you love?
1217
01:19:20,172 --> 01:19:22,673
I have to admit that my interest in things
1218
01:19:22,674 --> 01:19:25,093
has been shrinking as I get older.
1219
01:19:26,762 --> 01:19:28,971
Martha said the same thing
a couple days ago.
1220
01:19:28,972 --> 01:19:31,557
There are so few things left
that she can really enjoy.
1221
01:19:31,558 --> 01:19:32,725
I understand.
1222
01:19:32,726 --> 01:19:33,852
Mm.
1223
01:19:34,644 --> 01:19:35,936
But you're not sick.
1224
01:19:35,937 --> 01:19:38,481
No, but I feel the same way,
especially after the pandemic.
1225
01:19:38,482 --> 01:19:40,859
I don't go to the cinema
or listen to music.
1226
01:19:41,735 --> 01:19:42,736
I... I read a lot,
1227
01:19:43,487 --> 01:19:45,404
but only subjects to do with my lectures.
1228
01:19:45,405 --> 01:19:47,866
Mm. You still go to galleries?
You used to love that.
1229
01:19:47,991 --> 01:19:51,744
When we were together, we go all the time
and talk about how powerful the art is.
1230
01:19:51,745 --> 01:19:52,746
You still like that?
1231
01:19:53,955 --> 01:19:56,624
Even if every poet in the world
sat down to write a poem
1232
01:19:56,625 --> 01:19:59,126
about the climate crisis,
it wouldn't save one tree.
1233
01:19:59,127 --> 01:20:01,295
At least you're still interested
in the trees.
1234
01:20:01,296 --> 01:20:03,005
I'm interested in sex, too.
1235
01:20:03,006 --> 01:20:04,757
Well, then you're not that bad.
1236
01:20:04,758 --> 01:20:07,301
When I was young,
1237
01:20:07,302 --> 01:20:11,305
if a day went by without sex,
I thought it was incomplete.
1238
01:20:11,306 --> 01:20:12,389
I remember that.
1239
01:20:12,390 --> 01:20:14,601
I'm not nostalgic,
1240
01:20:15,268 --> 01:20:17,604
but I miss the nights when we'd drink
1241
01:20:18,688 --> 01:20:21,273
and take drugs, have sex,
1242
01:20:21,274 --> 01:20:24,318
all that didn't distract us
from what we really wanted to do.
1243
01:20:24,319 --> 01:20:26,821
You drank and you took drugs.
1244
01:20:26,822 --> 01:20:28,697
I mean, more than I did anyway.
1245
01:20:28,698 --> 01:20:29,990
I don't know how much you drank,
1246
01:20:29,991 --> 01:20:33,703
but you always acted as you were
as blitzed as the rest of us.
1247
01:20:34,287 --> 01:20:36,832
But you were an essential part
of the party.
1248
01:20:37,582 --> 01:20:41,127
That is, until you got bored
and went off to discover Europe.
1249
01:20:42,504 --> 01:20:43,755
You want to talk about that?
1250
01:20:45,131 --> 01:20:46,090
Tell me about your lecture.
1251
01:20:47,551 --> 01:20:51,012
I admit that I've become
something of a monomaniac.
1252
01:20:52,013 --> 01:20:53,931
My own son is no longer speaking to me
1253
01:20:53,932 --> 01:20:56,350
because I didn't hide how appalled I was
1254
01:20:56,351 --> 01:20:58,978
that his wife is expecting another child.
1255
01:20:58,979 --> 01:21:01,647
He doesn't want me anywhere near her
for fear she'll have a miscarriage.
1256
01:21:01,648 --> 01:21:04,441
What? How could you tell him
that he can't have another child?
1257
01:21:04,442 --> 01:21:06,944
It's their third!
1258
01:21:06,945 --> 01:21:10,532
So, what's the next logical alternative?
For people to start killing themselves?
1259
01:21:10,657 --> 01:21:12,825
People should be aware, once and for all,
1260
01:21:12,826 --> 01:21:15,328
of the state of the fucking planet
they're living on.
1261
01:21:17,038 --> 01:21:20,082
Well, perhaps it isn't
the best subject for you.
1262
01:21:20,083 --> 01:21:23,794
You're living with a dying woman
in a world
1263
01:21:23,795 --> 01:21:25,881
also in its death throes.
1264
01:21:28,592 --> 01:21:31,218
Do you really think
the situation is that desperate?
1265
01:21:31,219 --> 01:21:34,681
Yes. Read the science and see
what the world is doing with it.
1266
01:21:35,807 --> 01:21:39,852
They're releasing more CO2
into the air than ever before.
1267
01:21:39,853 --> 01:21:43,439
Sooner or later,
and I fear it will be sooner,
1268
01:21:43,440 --> 01:21:46,650
all this will be shot to hell, yeah.
1269
01:21:46,651 --> 01:21:50,362
Nothing is going to hasten
the end of the planet
1270
01:21:50,363 --> 01:21:53,157
more than the survival of neo-liberalism
1271
01:21:53,158 --> 01:21:55,034
and the rise of the far right.
1272
01:21:55,035 --> 01:21:58,997
And we have both of them here,
marching side by side.
1273
01:22:02,167 --> 01:22:05,295
Sorry, I didn't want to bring you down...
1274
01:22:06,588 --> 01:22:08,298
but I get riled up with this.
1275
01:22:08,882 --> 01:22:11,842
You cannot go around telling
people that there's no hope.
1276
01:22:11,843 --> 01:22:13,345
It's tragic.
1277
01:22:13,803 --> 01:22:16,680
And maybe it's really
unpleasant of me to say so,
1278
01:22:16,681 --> 01:22:20,643
but I've completely lost faith
in people doing the right thing.
1279
01:22:20,644 --> 01:22:23,771
I'm living every day expecting to find
Martha's body in her bed,
1280
01:22:23,772 --> 01:22:27,566
but that doesn't stop me
from enjoying every minute with her,
1281
01:22:27,567 --> 01:22:29,152
just the opposite.
1282
01:22:29,945 --> 01:22:32,405
I'm learning from her and you should, too,
1283
01:22:33,323 --> 01:22:36,576
because there are lots of ways
to live inside a tragedy.
1284
01:22:38,161 --> 01:22:40,121
Of course, it's painful,
1285
01:22:40,830 --> 01:22:42,874
but I can take it.
1286
01:22:43,959 --> 01:22:48,213
And I'm trying to live
with the same joy that she has,
1287
01:22:48,964 --> 01:22:50,966
and with the same appreciation, so...
1288
01:22:51,841 --> 01:22:53,843
the last thing I need
is a speech like yours.
1289
01:22:54,761 --> 01:22:56,262
I've always admired you for that.
1290
01:22:57,514 --> 01:22:58,472
What?
1291
01:22:58,473 --> 01:23:01,684
You're one of the only people
who knows how to suffer
1292
01:23:01,685 --> 01:23:04,270
without making others
feel guilty about it.
1293
01:23:46,771 --> 01:23:48,856
Do you think it will be much longer?
1294
01:23:48,857 --> 01:23:52,193
No, it'll be soon. Any day now.
1295
01:23:53,361 --> 01:23:55,195
You have to be prepared.
1296
01:23:55,196 --> 01:23:56,822
I know the police.
1297
01:23:56,823 --> 01:23:58,657
They'll ask you all sorts of questions,
1298
01:23:58,658 --> 01:24:01,577
they'll dig into your relationship
like scavengers.
1299
01:24:01,578 --> 01:24:03,412
You need a kind of mental script.
1300
01:24:03,413 --> 01:24:05,498
No, I thought about it, I do have it.
1301
01:24:06,374 --> 01:24:09,293
Good. Stay strong and stick to your story.
1302
01:24:09,294 --> 01:24:10,919
And when it happens,
1303
01:24:10,920 --> 01:24:13,672
you should call the police
before you call me.
1304
01:24:13,673 --> 01:24:16,300
No, I need to call her daughter.
I should call her before I call you.
1305
01:24:16,301 --> 01:24:18,927
Okay, but be careful what you say to her.
1306
01:24:18,928 --> 01:24:21,638
I had to tell the lawyer
about the situation.
1307
01:24:21,639 --> 01:24:24,476
Why do we have to go through
all this, like we're criminals?
1308
01:24:25,143 --> 01:24:28,187
Shouldn't dying people have the right
to end their lives with dignity?
1309
01:24:28,188 --> 01:24:30,773
They will, once our teetering
health system
1310
01:24:30,774 --> 01:24:32,150
completely collapses.
1311
01:25:09,312 --> 01:25:10,355
Martha?
1312
01:25:30,917 --> 01:25:31,918
Dear Ingrid...
1313
01:25:32,877 --> 01:25:35,213
Today is such a beautiful day
1314
01:25:35,630 --> 01:25:38,424
that it seemed to me
it was the moment to leave.
1315
01:25:39,259 --> 01:25:42,470
It consoled me that you weren't
in the room downstairs,
1316
01:25:43,012 --> 01:25:44,848
even though that was the idea.
1317
01:25:45,348 --> 01:25:48,059
But you know I always improvise
1318
01:25:48,560 --> 01:25:50,769
and I'm almost happy that,
1319
01:25:50,770 --> 01:25:53,148
while I fade away on the lounger,
1320
01:25:54,023 --> 01:25:55,732
you're out in the world,
1321
01:25:55,733 --> 01:25:58,611
experiencing something different
to my death.
1322
01:26:00,029 --> 01:26:03,199
No one will be able
to accuse you of complicity.
1323
01:26:04,242 --> 01:26:07,035
You have accompanied me as much as
1324
01:26:07,036 --> 01:26:09,455
any human being can accompany another.
1325
01:26:10,957 --> 01:26:13,918
Call my daughter and tell her I'm sorry.
1326
01:26:15,211 --> 01:26:17,380
And thank you, love.
1327
01:26:43,114 --> 01:26:44,157
Martha.
1328
01:26:47,994 --> 01:26:49,495
I'll do whatever you want.
1329
01:27:17,148 --> 01:27:19,816
We had dinner and then we watched
a Buster Keaton movie.
1330
01:27:19,817 --> 01:27:21,401
I told you this already.
1331
01:27:21,402 --> 01:27:25,740
And you didn't notice anything strange,
anything that made you suspect?
1332
01:27:28,034 --> 01:27:29,117
Try to remember.
1333
01:27:29,118 --> 01:27:32,162
I remember it perfectly,
it was a fun night.
1334
01:27:32,163 --> 01:27:34,998
There were no gestures? Nothing she said?
1335
01:27:34,999 --> 01:27:37,834
We said good night,
and then I went upstairs
1336
01:27:37,835 --> 01:27:40,420
and I stayed up late reading a book
1337
01:27:40,421 --> 01:27:43,131
that Martha had recommended
called Erotic Vagrancy.
1338
01:27:43,132 --> 01:27:45,968
It's about Elizabeth Taylor
and Richard Burton.
1339
01:27:45,969 --> 01:27:47,511
- Do you know it?
- No.
1340
01:27:47,512 --> 01:27:50,264
Martha and I both thought
that it was really fun.
1341
01:27:50,265 --> 01:27:52,600
Try to answer
only the questions I ask you.
1342
01:27:56,562 --> 01:27:58,022
What'd you do the following morning?
1343
01:28:00,483 --> 01:28:01,693
I had lunch with a friend.
1344
01:28:02,735 --> 01:28:03,777
And when I came back,
1345
01:28:03,778 --> 01:28:06,488
I called out for her
and when she didn't answer,
1346
01:28:06,489 --> 01:28:07,782
I went to her bedroom.
1347
01:28:08,574 --> 01:28:09,826
But she wasn't there.
1348
01:28:10,535 --> 01:28:11,869
So I went into the backyard
1349
01:28:12,537 --> 01:28:14,705
and that's when I saw her.
1350
01:28:14,706 --> 01:28:17,582
And, at first, I thought that
she was asleep on the lounge chair
1351
01:28:17,583 --> 01:28:20,502
and I got really nervous
and I called the ambulance.
1352
01:28:20,503 --> 01:28:23,755
And they got there very quickly
and then the EMTs saw her
1353
01:28:23,756 --> 01:28:26,175
and then they said there was
nothing that they could do.
1354
01:28:26,843 --> 01:28:28,260
Nobody buys this pill by accident
1355
01:28:28,261 --> 01:28:31,013
if they're not thinking of suicide
or killing someone,
1356
01:28:31,014 --> 01:28:32,639
so, you didn't know anything about this?
1357
01:28:32,640 --> 01:28:33,682
About what?
1358
01:28:33,683 --> 01:28:36,310
About her being in possession
of this illegal compound.
1359
01:28:36,311 --> 01:28:39,896
No. She was taking medication
for the pain,
1360
01:28:39,897 --> 01:28:41,815
you know, patches and pills, but she...
1361
01:28:41,816 --> 01:28:44,110
she never shared the specifics with me.
1362
01:28:45,194 --> 01:28:46,653
It is strange that,
1363
01:28:46,654 --> 01:28:50,742
if you two were such good friends,
that she didn't say anything to you.
1364
01:28:51,743 --> 01:28:56,122
You can't just walk into
a drugstore and buy this pill.
1365
01:28:57,290 --> 01:28:58,833
Very difficult to come by.
1366
01:29:00,251 --> 01:29:02,712
I think when she rented the house,
1367
01:29:03,421 --> 01:29:05,715
she already knew
what she was gonna do, right?
1368
01:29:06,174 --> 01:29:09,635
It's possible,
but she didn't tell me anything.
1369
01:29:10,636 --> 01:29:13,847
She was exhausted from the last treatment
and she wanted to take a break before
1370
01:29:13,848 --> 01:29:15,683
going back for the next round of chemo.
1371
01:29:16,559 --> 01:29:18,268
She wasn't the type to throw in the towel.
1372
01:29:18,269 --> 01:29:19,520
She didn't complain?
1373
01:29:20,396 --> 01:29:22,982
She didn't say anything
that made you sense...
1374
01:29:24,609 --> 01:29:25,526
the end?
1375
01:29:26,194 --> 01:29:27,487
It was a great responsibility for you.
1376
01:29:28,863 --> 01:29:30,490
She complained sometimes.
1377
01:29:32,909 --> 01:29:35,995
What did she complain about?
What did she say?
1378
01:29:37,372 --> 01:29:39,582
She'd lost the capacity for attention.
1379
01:29:41,042 --> 01:29:44,837
She couldn't read or write, for example.
1380
01:29:46,756 --> 01:29:48,423
Her life was reduced to surviving.
1381
01:29:48,424 --> 01:29:51,843
You know, I find it very hard to believe
1382
01:29:51,844 --> 01:29:54,304
that she didn't say anything
that made you suspect the end.
1383
01:29:54,305 --> 01:29:56,723
It was more than evident
that she was very sick,
1384
01:29:56,724 --> 01:29:59,476
but she wanted to take a vacation
before going back to the hospital.
1385
01:29:59,477 --> 01:30:01,020
I told you this already.
1386
01:30:02,230 --> 01:30:07,443
So, we... also spoke to some
of Martha's close friends.
1387
01:30:09,195 --> 01:30:12,281
In general, they all coincide
with your testimony.
1388
01:30:14,367 --> 01:30:17,077
But one of them, Stella Byrne,
1389
01:30:17,078 --> 01:30:19,663
told us that, after Martha
finished her chemotherapy,
1390
01:30:19,664 --> 01:30:22,874
that she proposed that she accompany her
1391
01:30:22,875 --> 01:30:25,085
to a house in the country
1392
01:30:25,086 --> 01:30:28,172
where she intended to commit suicide.
1393
01:30:32,218 --> 01:30:34,428
Asked her to, and I quote...
1394
01:30:35,888 --> 01:30:37,014
"Be in the room next door."
1395
01:30:40,601 --> 01:30:42,103
And her friend refused.
1396
01:30:43,020 --> 01:30:46,398
I wasn't in the room next door,
I was in the room downstairs.
1397
01:30:46,399 --> 01:30:48,567
When I spoke to Mrs. Byrne
and informed her of the suicide,
1398
01:30:48,568 --> 01:30:50,027
she told me she wasn't surprised.
1399
01:30:50,945 --> 01:30:53,655
There's another word for what Martha did,
it's called "euthanasia."
1400
01:30:53,656 --> 01:30:55,157
Well, call it what you want,
1401
01:30:55,158 --> 01:30:59,077
but, for me,
what your friend did is a crime
1402
01:30:59,078 --> 01:31:03,332
and, as a policeman, as a human being,
as a man of faith...
1403
01:31:04,750 --> 01:31:07,336
I'm radically opposed
to anyone committing a crime.
1404
01:31:08,713 --> 01:31:10,756
And, of course,
anyone aiding and abetting in one.
1405
01:31:23,728 --> 01:31:26,022
Damian, can you come down
to the police station, please?
1406
01:31:26,772 --> 01:31:27,731
This is endless.
1407
01:31:27,732 --> 01:31:31,109
How do you explain that your friend Martha
1408
01:31:31,110 --> 01:31:33,028
was so explicit with Mrs. Byrne
1409
01:31:33,029 --> 01:31:35,363
and yet she didn't tell you
anything about her intentions?
1410
01:31:35,364 --> 01:31:37,115
I'm not gonna say another word.
1411
01:31:37,116 --> 01:31:39,492
If I'm under arrest,
then tell me the charges.
1412
01:31:39,493 --> 01:31:41,536
Otherwise,
I'll wait in the hall for my lawyer.
1413
01:31:41,537 --> 01:31:42,996
Very foresighted of you.
1414
01:31:42,997 --> 01:31:44,414
What made you think you'd need a lawyer?
1415
01:31:44,415 --> 01:31:47,376
Why don't you ask your friend?
He witnessed the interrogation.
1416
01:31:49,420 --> 01:31:50,922
I think you're lying.
1417
01:31:52,548 --> 01:31:54,633
And that you're the kind of person
who wouldn't say no
1418
01:31:54,634 --> 01:31:57,637
if a friend asked you
for help committing suicide.
1419
01:31:59,764 --> 01:32:01,724
Let her go.
1420
01:32:09,982 --> 01:32:10,942
Hey.
1421
01:32:11,525 --> 01:32:13,026
- Hi.
- Hi.
1422
01:32:13,027 --> 01:32:15,112
- How are you?
- I'm okay.
1423
01:32:15,655 --> 01:32:17,489
This is my lawyer, Sarah.
1424
01:32:17,490 --> 01:32:19,366
- Hi. Pleasure.
- Thank you for coming.
1425
01:32:19,367 --> 01:32:21,076
Of course. Damian's filled me in.
1426
01:32:21,077 --> 01:32:22,994
Is there anything I should know
about the interrogation?
1427
01:32:22,995 --> 01:32:25,038
Well, he treated me like I was the killer.
1428
01:32:25,039 --> 01:32:26,081
But you were with me.
1429
01:32:26,082 --> 01:32:28,458
He doesn't care.
He insists that I'm implicated.
1430
01:32:28,459 --> 01:32:29,376
Okay, but...
1431
01:32:29,377 --> 01:32:31,962
He spoke to a friend of Martha,
Stella Byrne,
1432
01:32:31,963 --> 01:32:34,089
who said that Martha
had approached her first
1433
01:32:34,090 --> 01:32:35,465
and she refused to help her.
1434
01:32:35,466 --> 01:32:37,592
Okay, well, I'm sure
everything was recorded.
1435
01:32:37,593 --> 01:32:39,344
Mm-hm.
1436
01:32:39,345 --> 01:32:42,055
And this police officer
witnessed everything.
1437
01:32:42,056 --> 01:32:43,348
You can come in now.
1438
01:32:43,349 --> 01:32:45,059
I'll go in alone. I'm her attorney.
1439
01:32:47,103 --> 01:32:48,771
Don't worry, this is all very clear.
1440
01:32:51,148 --> 01:32:53,484
- Thank you for coming.
- My pleasure.
1441
01:32:54,235 --> 01:32:56,444
Jesus! What an asshole!
1442
01:32:56,445 --> 01:32:58,155
I've never been treated like that before.
1443
01:32:59,198 --> 01:33:01,616
You were unlucky enough to come
up against a religious fanatic,
1444
01:33:01,617 --> 01:33:04,327
but he's not gonna bother you again.
I'm gonna file a complaint.
1445
01:33:04,328 --> 01:33:06,538
Thank you so much for everything.
1446
01:33:06,539 --> 01:33:08,665
You still need to be available
for the next 48 hours
1447
01:33:08,666 --> 01:33:10,835
until forensic formalities are done.
1448
01:33:11,502 --> 01:33:13,628
Uh, I told them to call me if necessary.
1449
01:33:13,629 --> 01:33:14,713
I'll be at the house.
1450
01:33:14,714 --> 01:33:17,466
- Do you have all the information you need?
- Yes, Damian gave it to me.
1451
01:33:18,259 --> 01:33:20,468
Just give me a call
if anything comes up, okay?
1452
01:33:20,469 --> 01:33:22,304
I'm gonna head back to the office.
1453
01:33:22,305 --> 01:33:24,014
- I'm really sorry for your loss.
- Thank you.
1454
01:33:24,015 --> 01:33:25,308
- Thanks, Sarah.
- Bye.
1455
01:33:26,600 --> 01:33:28,393
I can't believe Stella told him that.
1456
01:33:28,394 --> 01:33:29,644
Well, he probably cornered her,
1457
01:33:29,645 --> 01:33:31,938
and they have Martha's computer
and her cell phone.
1458
01:33:31,939 --> 01:33:32,982
Mm-hm.
1459
01:33:33,357 --> 01:33:34,232
Do you know if they talked?
1460
01:33:34,233 --> 01:33:37,194
No, I don't know,
she didn't tell me anything.
1461
01:33:38,362 --> 01:33:39,738
What do you wanna do?
1462
01:33:39,739 --> 01:33:42,157
I need to go back to the house
and pack up Martha's things.
1463
01:33:43,409 --> 01:33:44,327
Sorry.
1464
01:33:45,703 --> 01:33:46,620
Hello?
1465
01:33:47,580 --> 01:33:48,748
Uh, speaking.
1466
01:33:50,833 --> 01:33:52,167
It's Michelle.
1467
01:33:52,168 --> 01:33:53,419
Martha's daughter?
1468
01:33:54,253 --> 01:33:55,420
Yes, of course.
1469
01:33:55,421 --> 01:33:57,630
No, no, of course, you can come over.
1470
01:33:57,631 --> 01:34:00,968
I'm headed there right now.
I'll text you the address.
1471
01:34:02,345 --> 01:34:04,430
Okay, I'll see you soon. Bye.
1472
01:34:06,432 --> 01:34:09,142
Wow. Well...
1473
01:34:09,143 --> 01:34:10,894
I'm headed back to the city,
1474
01:34:10,895 --> 01:34:14,106
so tell me when you're back
and I'll help you with your move.
1475
01:34:15,274 --> 01:34:17,193
Thank you for everything.
1476
01:34:20,071 --> 01:34:22,323
And you can tell me
how it went with Michelle.
1477
01:34:22,656 --> 01:34:23,657
I will.
1478
01:34:25,785 --> 01:34:27,995
- Thanks. I'll call you, okay?
- Okay. Take care.
1479
01:35:01,737 --> 01:35:02,988
Hello, I'm Michelle.
1480
01:35:04,115 --> 01:35:04,949
I'm Ingrid.
1481
01:35:05,783 --> 01:35:06,617
Hi.
1482
01:35:10,371 --> 01:35:11,705
Let's go inside, okay?
1483
01:35:12,206 --> 01:35:13,416
Yeah.
1484
01:35:16,293 --> 01:35:17,253
Come on in.
1485
01:35:23,467 --> 01:35:26,262
- Do you wanna see your mother's room?
- Yes, please.
1486
01:35:27,012 --> 01:35:28,889
It's right down there.
Right down the hall.
1487
01:35:57,001 --> 01:35:58,460
I made some coffee.
1488
01:35:58,461 --> 01:35:59,836
Would you like some?
1489
01:35:59,837 --> 01:36:01,504
Uh, I also have tea.
1490
01:36:01,505 --> 01:36:03,424
No, coffee's great. Thank you.
1491
01:36:04,008 --> 01:36:05,009
Here you go.
1492
01:36:09,597 --> 01:36:11,139
Did she tell you about me?
1493
01:36:11,140 --> 01:36:12,600
Of course, she did.
1494
01:36:14,560 --> 01:36:17,813
And she told me you were very upset
that you never met your father.
1495
01:36:18,898 --> 01:36:21,609
- So she told you about my father?
- She did.
1496
01:36:22,776 --> 01:36:24,819
Don't you think she could have helped him
1497
01:36:24,820 --> 01:36:26,237
when he came back from the war?
1498
01:36:26,238 --> 01:36:28,908
She helped him as best she could.
1499
01:36:29,408 --> 01:36:32,535
Your father came back very badly damaged
1500
01:36:32,536 --> 01:36:35,246
and he wanted to move to another city
and start a new life.
1501
01:36:35,247 --> 01:36:38,501
His plans never included you or Martha.
1502
01:36:39,210 --> 01:36:42,922
And your mother accepted the end
of the relationship and...
1503
01:36:44,298 --> 01:36:46,049
And she saw him in such a bad way
1504
01:36:46,050 --> 01:36:48,259
that she gave him a kiss
to give him some peace
1505
01:36:48,260 --> 01:36:50,721
and that kiss turned into something more.
1506
01:36:52,640 --> 01:36:54,892
And you are the fruit of that moment.
1507
01:36:56,101 --> 01:36:58,853
My mother never told me
anything about that.
1508
01:36:58,854 --> 01:37:01,147
It's a difficult thing
to explain to a child.
1509
01:37:01,148 --> 01:37:03,150
She could have told me later.
1510
01:37:03,901 --> 01:37:07,154
By then you were so estranged that
she didn't feel it was possible anymore.
1511
01:37:08,614 --> 01:37:12,116
She was a teenager,
she had a life to live,
1512
01:37:12,117 --> 01:37:16,288
and your father moved to San Diego
and he made no effort to know you.
1513
01:37:27,383 --> 01:37:28,634
So, Ingrid...
1514
01:37:30,594 --> 01:37:33,806
do you think I was totally
mistaken about Martha?
1515
01:37:34,890 --> 01:37:36,141
You were unfair...
1516
01:37:37,810 --> 01:37:39,602
but no one can blame you
for wanting to know
1517
01:37:39,603 --> 01:37:41,021
who your father was.
1518
01:37:44,066 --> 01:37:45,275
It's a sad story,
1519
01:37:45,276 --> 01:37:47,444
it was very painful for both of you.
1520
01:37:51,282 --> 01:37:53,116
Don't be so hard on yourself.
1521
01:37:53,117 --> 01:37:55,119
Martha wasn't the perfect mother.
1522
01:37:56,412 --> 01:37:57,705
No, she wasn't.
1523
01:38:02,293 --> 01:38:04,002
Can I stay here tonight?
1524
01:38:04,003 --> 01:38:06,964
Yes, of course.
This is your mother's house!
1525
01:38:10,759 --> 01:38:11,844
Dear Martha,
1526
01:38:13,012 --> 01:38:14,053
I thought you'd like to know
1527
01:38:14,054 --> 01:38:17,516
I've come back to the house in the woods
to gather up your things.
1528
01:38:19,768 --> 01:38:21,478
Your daughter came to see me.
1529
01:38:22,354 --> 01:38:23,897
I'm still shaking.
1530
01:38:24,940 --> 01:38:26,650
She looks so like you.
1531
01:38:27,860 --> 01:38:30,863
She asked me if she could stay
and sleep in your bed
1532
01:38:31,322 --> 01:38:33,282
and, of course, I said yes.
1533
01:38:34,992 --> 01:38:37,286
I think your death
has brought her closer to you.
1534
01:38:41,415 --> 01:38:43,459
I never thought I'd inherit her,
1535
01:38:44,293 --> 01:38:46,629
even if it's just for a day.
1536
01:38:47,421 --> 01:38:49,673
The house is filled with you.
1537
01:38:52,676 --> 01:38:55,262
When I came in,
after talking to the police,
1538
01:38:56,472 --> 01:38:58,932
the first thing I saw
was the door of your room...
1539
01:39:00,392 --> 01:39:01,852
and it was open.
1540
01:39:03,062 --> 01:39:05,481
And I said to myself, "She's alive."
1541
01:39:40,099 --> 01:39:42,226
I came out here to listen to the birds.
1542
01:39:44,853 --> 01:39:46,855
Your mother would get up like this,
1543
01:39:47,731 --> 01:39:49,024
at dawn,
1544
01:39:50,359 --> 01:39:51,777
and lie right there.
1545
01:39:56,949 --> 01:39:59,618
Look, it's snowing.
1546
01:40:08,419 --> 01:40:09,753
The snow is falling.
1547
01:40:12,506 --> 01:40:15,342
It's falling on the lonely pool
we never used.
1548
01:40:17,553 --> 01:40:19,096
It's falling on the woods,
1549
01:40:20,055 --> 01:40:22,306
where we walked and you lay,
1550
01:40:22,307 --> 01:40:24,685
exhausted, on the ground.
1551
01:40:27,396 --> 01:40:29,606
Falling on your daughter and on me.
1552
01:40:33,026 --> 01:40:35,154
Falling upon the living and the dead.
1552
01:40:36,305 --> 01:41:36,400
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