1
00:00:01,680 --> 00:00:03,641
You have a vacancy
sign outside?

2
00:00:03,841 --> 00:00:05,355
Yes. Your two are in luck.

3
00:00:05,555 --> 00:00:06,661
<i>Just one room left.</i>

4
00:00:06,861 --> 00:00:09,240
<i>Nice and cozy with a
view of the ocean.</i>

5
00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:10,475
But you don't have two rooms.

6
00:00:10,789 --> 00:00:14,052
Two rooms. That's silly.
We'd be wasting money.

7
00:00:14,252 --> 00:00:16,700
- We're not married.
- Did I ask?

8
00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:24,921
<i>I love my mom and dad
and my brothers too.</i>

9
00:00:25,121 --> 00:00:27,883
<i>And the groovy
way we get along.</i>

10
00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:31,605
<i>Every time the slightest
little thing goes wrong,</i>

11
00:00:31,805 --> 00:00:34,892
<i>my mom starts to sing this
familiar song.</i>

12
00:00:35,092 --> 00:00:39,123
<i>Wait till your father gets
Until your father gets.</i>

13
00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:41,078
<i>Wait till your father
gets home.</i>

14
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,327
<i>Dad's not so bad and he
seldom gets mad.</i>

15
00:00:45,527 --> 00:00:48,448
<i>And we aren't about
to desert him.</i>

16
00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:52,263
<i>Kids today like to
have their own way.</i>

17
00:00:52,463 --> 00:00:55,044
<i>And what Daddy doesn't
know won't hurt him.</i>

18
00:00:55,244 --> 00:00:57,320
<i>I think my mom's
just swell.</i>

19
00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:02,033
<i>- But she starts to yell.
- Every time we have a fuss.</i>

20
00:01:02,455 --> 00:01:06,416
Just wait till your father gets.
Until your father gets.

21
00:01:06,616 --> 00:01:08,564
<i>Wait till your
father gets home.</i>

22
00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:09,894
<i>See what I mean?</i>

23
00:01:10,094 --> 00:01:12,122
<i>Wait till your
father gets home.</i>

24
00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:13,723
<i>We know.</i>

25
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:21,074



26
00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:33,790
Does anybody want
any more cake?

27
00:01:33,990 --> 00:01:36,614
- Are you kidding? I'm stuffed.
- Me too.

28
00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:40,142
- I'll have another piece.
- Another setback for Weight Watchers.

29
00:01:40,342 --> 00:01:43,268
Oh, Daddy, you and your
Victorian ideas.

30
00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:48,879
I refuse to starve myself to
become just a sex symbol.

31
00:01:49,079 --> 00:01:52,222
You're also doing your
bit for ecology.

32
00:01:52,422 --> 00:01:54,651
We're the only family
that has no garbage.

33
00:01:54,851 --> 00:01:56,169
Harry, please.

34
00:01:56,369 --> 00:01:58,951
- She's a growing girl.
- By the minute.

35
00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:00,731
I've got some homework to do.

36
00:02:00,931 --> 00:02:03,097
I thought you did it this afternoon.

37
00:02:03,297 --> 00:02:06,112
I did. This
is Charlie Taylor's homework.

38
00:02:06,510 --> 00:02:07,847
He pays me 10 cents.

39
00:02:08,047 --> 00:02:11,589
You're taking 10 cents to
do someone else's homework?

40
00:02:11,769 --> 00:02:13,159
I don't think I approve.

41
00:02:13,359 --> 00:02:15,965
I don't either, but
that's all he can afford.

42
00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:21,138
Chad, I want to talk to you.
Chad?

43
00:02:23,106 --> 00:02:25,767
What do I have to do
to get through to you?

44
00:02:25,967 --> 00:02:29,014
- Transmit on FM?
- Hey, Pop?

45
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,861
I heard of a job today that
should be perfect for you.

46
00:02:32,061 --> 00:02:34,455
They're looking for an
apprentice teller at the bank.

47
00:02:34,978 --> 00:02:37,131
Gee, I'd like to meditate
a little more to

48
00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:39,702
find out what direction
to take with my life.

49
00:02:39,902 --> 00:02:42,312
Which job to take is
a serious decision.

50
00:02:42,512 --> 00:02:44,270
And it would be nice
if you reached it

51
00:02:44,470 --> 00:02:46,414
before you were
ready for Social Security.

52
00:02:47,900 --> 00:02:51,577
You gotta understand, Pop.
I don't want a job that's just work.

53
00:02:51,777 --> 00:02:53,997
All right.
I'll talk to the bank.

54
00:02:54,197 --> 00:02:56,875
Maybe they'll put a golf
course in the men's room.

55
00:02:58,372 --> 00:03:00,407
Chet, you've been out of
college for almost a year,

56
00:03:00,607 --> 00:03:02,441
and how much longer
can you meditate?

57
00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:05,414
Well, maybe this just isn't
the right environment for it.

58
00:03:05,614 --> 00:03:07,522
I just might go to
one of those communes.

59
00:03:08,144 --> 00:03:10,339
You know, sit naked in
the sun and ponder.

60
00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,640
- A nudist commune?
- Don't worry.

61
00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:17,425
If he doesn't get a haircut
soon, nobody will notice.

62
00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:27,010
Hello?
Oh, yes, just a minute.

63
00:03:28,032 --> 00:03:29,504
It's for you, Daddy.

64
00:03:29,704 --> 00:03:32,431
Oh, why are you so surprised?
Last time I heard,

65
00:03:32,631 --> 00:03:34,138
the phone was
listed under my name.

66
00:03:34,338 --> 00:03:38,725
- It's a woman.
- Oh, hello? Oh, Miss Peterson.

67
00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:42,899
Oh, really? Sure,
I'll be happy to.

68
00:03:43,099 --> 00:03:44,978
<i>I'll be there in
about 20 minutes.</i>

69
00:03:45,754 --> 00:03:48,555
Goodbye.
Oh, boy, that's all I need.

70
00:03:49,252 --> 00:03:51,182
Miss Peterson is
fogged in at the airport,

71
00:03:51,382 --> 00:03:53,312
and I have to drive her
back to San Diego.

72
00:03:53,839 --> 00:03:56,541
San Diego. Oh, that's
a long drive.

73
00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:59,413
I can't turn her down.
She's one of my biggest customers.

74
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:03,140
I ought to be back by 11:30.

75
00:04:03,984 --> 00:04:07,304
If I'm a little late, tell Johnny
Carson to start without me.

76
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:13,291
Hey, perfect timing.
I'm ready too.

77
00:04:13,491 --> 00:04:15,732
- Ready for what?
- The lodge meeting.

78
00:04:15,932 --> 00:04:17,675
Look, you'll have to
go on without me.

79
00:04:17,875 --> 00:04:19,525
I got to drive someone to San Diego.

80
00:04:19,725 --> 00:04:21,075
But I need you there.

81
00:04:21,275 --> 00:04:24,359
I'm counting on you to help me
blackball that prospective new member,

82
00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:27,162
- Morris Rappaport.
- Rappaport?

83
00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:29,096
Why should I want to blackball him?

84
00:04:29,456 --> 00:04:32,897
- No, he's one of them.
- Them?

85
00:04:33,097 --> 00:04:36,260
- Oh, you mean because he's...
- Yeah, them.

86
00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:39,071
And no self-respecting
lodge has two.

87
00:04:39,447 --> 00:04:41,190
We gotta stop it right
now or the next lodge

88
00:04:41,390 --> 00:04:43,307
dinner's gonna turn into
a matzo ball festival.

89
00:04:43,507 --> 00:04:46,035
- I like matzo balls.
- But it's boring.

90
00:04:46,235 --> 00:04:48,862
Oh, I don't know how to break
this to you, Ralph.

91
00:04:48,870 --> 00:04:52,077
But the recipe for them pepperoni
pizzas you put away every night,

92
00:04:52,469 --> 00:04:54,117
they didn't come over
on the Mayflower.

93
00:04:54,317 --> 00:04:56,538
Boy, they're getting to you, Harry.

94
00:04:56,738 --> 00:04:59,652
Today it's matzo balls,
tomorrow it'll be herring.

95
00:04:59,852 --> 00:05:01,446
You're gonna come home
one night and them

96
00:05:01,646 --> 00:05:03,434
pork chops and your plate
are gonna be kosher.

97
00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:06,631
I don't think that's possible, Ralph.

98
00:05:07,105 --> 00:05:08,847
Good Americans being sucked in.

99
00:05:09,047 --> 00:05:11,183
If George Washington
were alive today,

100
00:05:11,383 --> 00:05:12,328
he'd drop dead.

101
00:05:12,528 --> 00:05:13,974
Look, I gotta go to San Diego,

102
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:17,462
but even if I didn't,
I'd vote for Morris Rappaport anyway.

103
00:05:17,662 --> 00:05:19,074
So long, Ralph.

104
00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:26,429
Well, it's really funny
how the fog lifted.

105
00:05:26,629 --> 00:05:29,171
Yeah, well, we're...
we're halfway there.

106
00:05:30,221 --> 00:05:31,593
One thing about this car,

107
00:05:31,793 --> 00:05:35,123
it doesn't have a coach lounge and a
choice of two movies like an airplane,

108
00:05:35,323 --> 00:05:36,654
but it gets you where
you're going.

109
00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:40,908
Sometimes.

110
00:05:42,169 --> 00:05:46,068
Are you sure Miss Peterson
is one of Daddy's customers?

111
00:05:46,268 --> 00:05:48,366
Well, I never met her personally,

112
00:05:48,566 --> 00:05:52,484
- but why shouldn't I be sure?
- Oh, well...

113
00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:55,809
- What do you mean by that?
- Nothing, Mother, nothing.

114
00:05:56,009 --> 00:05:57,388
Look, it's getting late.

115
00:05:57,588 --> 00:06:00,173
Don't you think you
ought to be going to bed?

116
00:06:00,373 --> 00:06:02,635
No, I think I'll just
stay up a bit longer,

117
00:06:02,835 --> 00:06:05,865
in case you need
someone to talk to.

118
00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:08,611
- About what?
- Oh, anything.

119
00:06:08,811 --> 00:06:10,886
Like maybe what
happens to a seemingly

120
00:06:11,086 --> 00:06:13,052
solid marriage after
a lot of years.

121
00:06:13,252 --> 00:06:17,354
Alice, this is real
life, not Peyton Place.

122
00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:22,320
- Hello?
<i>- Hi, Irma, it's me.</i>

123
00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:25,406
Harry, where are you?
Are you all right?

124
00:06:25,606 --> 00:06:28,141
The car broke down and it
can't be fixed until morning.

125
00:06:28,341 --> 00:06:29,920
So what are you gonna do?

126
00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:32,480
<i>Well, we ran into
one bit of luck.</i>

127
00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:36,217
There's a place to stay overnight
right next to the gas station here.

128
00:06:36,417 --> 00:06:38,009
- Overnight?
- Yeah!

129
00:06:38,209 --> 00:06:40,253
It's not a bad-looking spot.
It's the...

130
00:06:40,453 --> 00:06:44,264
The Waterbed Motel?
The Waterbed Motel!

131
00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:49,963
You have a vacancy sign outside.
Yes, you two are in luck.

132
00:06:50,163 --> 00:06:53,653
<i>Just one room left, nice
and cozy with a view of the ocean.</i>

133
00:06:53,853 --> 00:06:55,256
You don't have two rooms?

134
00:06:55,356 --> 00:06:58,461
Two rooms? That's silly.
You'd be wasting money.

135
00:06:58,661 --> 00:07:01,397
- We're not married.
- Did I ask?

136
00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:05,484
You take the room and
I'll sleep in the car.

137
00:07:05,684 --> 00:07:08,920
Hold it, buddy. That one's been
pulled on me too many times.

138
00:07:09,580 --> 00:07:11,540
Pay for a single, then you
sneak in and...

139
00:07:11,740 --> 00:07:14,840
Miss... Peterson,
you sign the register.

140
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:18,834
- How much for a single?
- Ten bucks, cheapskate.

141
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:24,356
Oh, really? I mean, I just feel terrible
about you having to sleep in the car.

142
00:07:24,556 --> 00:07:27,108
Oh, I'll be all right.
Don't worry.

143
00:07:27,308 --> 00:07:28,320
Give the lady the key.

144
00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:31,840
I'm warning you, mister.
You better stay

145
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:34,517
in the car because I'll be
watching you all night.

146
00:07:34,717 --> 00:07:38,101
Mac, I hope your rooms are a
lot cleaner than your mind.

147
00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:42,080
I happen to run a very
respectable place.

148
00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:45,352
We even get some people here
who stay for the whole night.

149
00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:20,109
Well, I'll be!

150
00:08:22,731 --> 00:08:26,121
<i>30 years in the motel
business, and this is a first.</i>

151
00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:34,418
Did Mom talk to you this morning
about Pop and Miss Peterson?

152
00:08:34,618 --> 00:08:35,916
Not a word.

153
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:37,760
I guess she's completely overcome.

154
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:41,598
I've always tried to maintain a
hands-off attitude toward them,

155
00:08:41,798 --> 00:08:44,073
but a time does come
in a family when you

156
00:08:44,273 --> 00:08:46,881
just have to step in and
straighten things out.

157
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:49,758
I sure hope we can help.

158
00:08:49,958 --> 00:08:51,709
Because as parents go,

159
00:08:51,909 --> 00:08:53,750
we've got just about
the greatest there are.

160
00:08:55,154 --> 00:08:57,603
- Mama, sit down.
- Now?

161
00:08:57,803 --> 00:08:59,715
And can't you see I'm making lunch?

162
00:08:59,915 --> 00:09:01,802
This is important.
Sit down.

163
00:09:02,002 --> 00:09:05,514
Please, Mom, we're just here to talk,
and we're not going to upset you.

164
00:09:05,714 --> 00:09:08,617
Right. Now about Pop's
affair with Miss Peterson.

165
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:10,240
I don't want to hear about it.

166
00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:15,559
According to Helen Gurley Brown,
what Papa needs...

167
00:09:15,759 --> 00:09:16,992
Another woman?

168
00:09:17,192 --> 00:09:18,612
Where did Papa meet this one?

169
00:09:18,812 --> 00:09:21,401
Helen Gurley Brown is a writer.

170
00:09:21,601 --> 00:09:24,474
Sure. A housewife isn't good
enough for him anymore.

171
00:09:24,915 --> 00:09:28,890
Mom, Pop doesn't know her.
She writes about men and women,

172
00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:30,195
and she says...

173
00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:34,865
Jamie, why don't
you go out and play?

174
00:09:35,309 --> 00:09:38,086
- I've been playing all morning.
- Go out and play some more.

175
00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:41,369
How much can a kid play?
You want me to get a heart attack?

176
00:09:41,569 --> 00:09:43,381
Then go buy
yourself an ice cream cone.

177
00:09:43,809 --> 00:09:46,255
I don't want to dig into
my savings just for that.

178
00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:49,260
- Here's a dime. It's on me.
- I like a double scoop.

179
00:09:49,460 --> 00:09:52,587
- That's 20 cents.
- OK, here.

180
00:09:52,787 --> 00:09:54,219
Thanks.

181
00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:57,344
According to Helen Gurley Brown,

182
00:09:57,913 --> 00:10:00,392
Daddy has reached that
dangerous psychological

183
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,080
age where you've
got to expect this.

184
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:04,800
<i>But one little case of
infidelity should be--</i>

185
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,832
- Alice.
- Believe me,

186
00:10:07,032 --> 00:10:08,315
Daddy isn't that type.

187
00:10:08,515 --> 00:10:10,200
It'll probably never happen again.

188
00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:11,858
That's right.
Pup's too old for that.

189
00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:16,743
And thank you for your help.
If you'll excuse me now,

190
00:10:16,943 --> 00:10:19,248
I think I'll go have a
nervous breakdown.

191
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:25,074
Hi. I'm home.
Boy, what a night I had.

192
00:10:25,274 --> 00:10:26,629
We can imagine.

193
00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:28,800
I'm getting too old for this.

194
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:33,616
What's going on?
It's not midnight and you're home.

195
00:10:33,816 --> 00:10:35,611
Somebody steal your motorcycle?

196
00:10:35,811 --> 00:10:36,941
I wanted to be here when you

197
00:10:37,141 --> 00:10:38,994
got home to tell you
we don't hate you.

198
00:10:39,394 --> 00:10:41,255
- Huh?
<i>- We mean it. We don't hate you.</i>

199
00:10:41,680 --> 00:10:44,061
Well, that's fine, son.
Just fine.

200
00:10:44,261 --> 00:10:45,591
And more important,

201
00:10:45,791 --> 00:10:48,024
we want you to know we'll
try to understand.

202
00:10:48,224 --> 00:10:50,735
- Understand what?
- That you're only human.

203
00:10:50,935 --> 00:10:53,744
And that a man of your
age is pressured by needs of virility

204
00:10:53,944 --> 00:10:56,863
- statements and ego outlets.
- And lowered libido thresholds.

205
00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:00,720
Hey, come back and translate that.

206
00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:05,891
- Irma, what's with the kids?
- Your lunch is ready.

207
00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:17,464
All right, now I hope you
all have the picture.

208
00:11:17,664 --> 00:11:20,453
She slept in the motel
room and I slept in the car.

209
00:11:20,653 --> 00:11:23,614
I don't know why I have to make all
these explanations to my own children.

210
00:11:25,137 --> 00:11:26,845
Well, there was a
little action.

211
00:11:27,045 --> 00:11:30,125
I swatted a mosquito. Oh,
you believe me, don't you, Jeremy?

212
00:11:30,325 --> 00:11:31,824
- Well...
- You believe him.

213
00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:32,768
It's better that way.

214
00:11:32,968 --> 00:11:34,600
I don't want her to say
she believes me.

215
00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:38,592
- I want her to believe me.
- Pop. Just what is this lady to you?

216
00:11:38,792 --> 00:11:40,880
She is not a lady.
She's a customer.

217
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:42,751
<i>Now that's a word you
wouldn't understand.</i>

218
00:11:42,951 --> 00:11:44,916
<i>It has to do with a
job and work.</i>

219
00:11:45,116 --> 00:11:46,977
You see, I have to
be nice to customers.

220
00:11:47,177 --> 00:11:48,720
You're luckier than I am.

221
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,901
You have something.
I don't have an employed father.

222
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,992
Now, can we
bop the whole thing?

223
00:11:55,192 --> 00:11:57,344
Daddy, avoidance only makes your

224
00:11:57,544 --> 00:11:59,360
guilt complex more obvious.

225
00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:01,540
I am not guilty!

226
00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:05,058
- I did not commit adultery!
- Daddy, please!

227
00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:07,620
Refer to it as self-expression.

228
00:12:07,820 --> 00:12:10,454
All right, I did not
commit self-expression.

229
00:12:11,900 --> 00:12:14,100
- And what are you doing here?
- I live here.

230
00:12:14,340 --> 00:12:16,585
I'm your favorite child, remember?

231
00:12:16,785 --> 00:12:19,427
- Oh, yeah. I'm sorry, Jamie.
- That's okay.

232
00:12:19,860 --> 00:12:21,620
Hey, where were you
last night, Pop?

233
00:12:22,180 --> 00:12:24,260
Honestly, I was with a mosquito.

234
00:12:25,380 --> 00:12:28,537
Never mind. Why don't you go out
and buy yourself an ice cream cone?

235
00:12:28,737 --> 00:12:30,167
I already had one today.

236
00:12:30,367 --> 00:12:31,380
Well, then go and get a pizza.

237
00:12:31,940 --> 00:12:36,106
They're a dollar.
OK, here. Oh, sorry.

238
00:12:36,306 --> 00:12:38,180
I only have a 5.
That's all right.

239
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:39,653
I have change.

240
00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:42,491
Thanks.

241
00:12:43,469 --> 00:12:46,381
- Now, where was I?
- You were defending yourself.

242
00:12:46,620 --> 00:12:49,340
- Badly.
- I was not defending myself.

243
00:12:49,380 --> 00:12:51,851
How can I defend myself when
I have nothing to defend?

244
00:12:56,820 --> 00:13:00,710
Hello?
Yes, just a minute.

245
00:13:01,546 --> 00:13:02,721
It's for you, Daddy.

246
00:13:03,577 --> 00:13:04,803
It's her.

247
00:13:05,003 --> 00:13:08,480
- Who's her?
- Who else? Miss Peterson.

248
00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:15,390
Oh. Hello, Miss Peterson.
Ohh. Don't mention it.

249
00:13:15,590 --> 00:13:18,037
It was my pleasure.
I mean...

250
00:13:18,237 --> 00:13:22,575
I mean, I was glad
to do it. I mean...

251
00:13:23,700 --> 00:13:26,338
You're welcome. Anytime.
No!

252
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,980
I don't do that.
Goodbye.

253
00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:33,685
It was just thanking me for going
through all that trouble.

254
00:13:39,340 --> 00:13:42,020
Ohh Irma, I'm Harry Boyle,
a simple man.

255
00:13:42,580 --> 00:13:44,100
Look at me.
What do you see?

256
00:13:54,020 --> 00:13:56,020
Like I said,
Pop, we understand.

257
00:14:00,660 --> 00:14:02,389
- Hi, uh, Romeo.
- Ralf.

258
00:14:02,589 --> 00:14:04,773
I'm surprised to see you
out cutting the hedges.

259
00:14:05,296 --> 00:14:08,579
I figured after all that
"amour a tu jours" last night,

260
00:14:08,779 --> 00:14:10,391
you'd be too, uh, tired.

261
00:14:11,580 --> 00:14:13,700
How did you pick up
that wild story?

262
00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:15,044
It's all over the neighborhood.

263
00:14:15,244 --> 00:14:17,257
Tomorrow, it's going to be
in the throwaway papers.

264
00:14:17,740 --> 00:14:20,306
- Oh, boy.
- I ain't blaming you, Harry.

265
00:14:20,703 --> 00:14:22,863
You had no way of knowing
you were being used.

266
00:14:23,380 --> 00:14:25,534
- Used?
- Come on, Harry.

267
00:14:26,340 --> 00:14:28,568
It's one of the oldest
commie tricks in the book.

268
00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:30,802
- What?
- The dame you're with.

269
00:14:31,380 --> 00:14:34,190
She's obviously what
we call your Ruski Spy.

270
00:14:34,390 --> 00:14:35,416
Nancy Peterson?

271
00:14:35,940 --> 00:14:37,975
Alias, Natasha Petrovich.

272
00:14:38,643 --> 00:14:40,618
Oh, come on, get off it, will you?

273
00:14:40,972 --> 00:14:44,051
Harry, it is obvious there's
the nose on your face.

274
00:14:44,620 --> 00:14:46,220
Now, what's holding this
country together?

275
00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:49,157
<i>Huh Huh Huh.
The family unit.</i>

276
00:14:49,420 --> 00:14:51,491
And what's the best way to
break up the country?

277
00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:52,760
<i>Break up the family unit.</i>

278
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,457
<i>Am I right? Am I right?
Am I right?</i>

279
00:14:56,660 --> 00:14:58,660
Oh, why didn't I let the hedge grow?

280
00:14:58,700 --> 00:15:01,300
They see you, a solid family man,

281
00:15:01,780 --> 00:15:04,850
they send this Natasha
sex part after you, and pow!

282
00:15:05,050 --> 00:15:07,457
Another crack in Fortress America.

283
00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:11,369
Ralph, I know it's a waste of time
trying to talk any sense into you,

284
00:15:11,569 --> 00:15:13,220
but I've known her for years.

285
00:15:13,260 --> 00:15:14,500
She's a customer.

286
00:15:14,900 --> 00:15:18,537
Naturally. They always
have a great cover.

287
00:15:18,737 --> 00:15:19,980
You don't know it,

288
00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:21,660
but you've been making
love to a lieutenant

289
00:15:22,020 --> 00:15:24,660
in the OGPU, what we
call your odd PU.

290
00:15:25,636 --> 00:15:27,395
Oh, ohh lay off, will you?

291
00:15:27,595 --> 00:15:29,700
I've got enough trouble
with my wife and kids.

292
00:15:30,260 --> 00:15:32,060
It's your own fault, Harry.
None of this

293
00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:33,460
would have happened if
you'd stayed home

294
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:35,420
to help me blackball
Morris Rappaport.

295
00:15:40,780 --> 00:15:44,027
- I'm glad you're home, Pop.
- You're actually speaking to me?

296
00:15:44,227 --> 00:15:45,974
The Elm Street Bluebeard?

297
00:15:46,174 --> 00:15:48,340
Please, we have to be calm.

298
00:15:48,660 --> 00:15:50,540
It's only through meaningful dialogue

299
00:15:50,580 --> 00:15:53,603
that we can come to understand
your complete moral breakdown.

300
00:15:55,700 --> 00:15:58,878
For the last time, it wasn't
my morals that broke down.

301
00:15:59,078 --> 00:16:00,856
- It was my fuel pump.
- Now, Pop.

302
00:16:01,056 --> 00:16:03,020
Because, I might add,
I'm driving an

303
00:16:03,060 --> 00:16:04,980
eight-year-old clunker
so we can make

304
00:16:05,020 --> 00:16:06,947
payments on your brother's
new motorcycle.

305
00:16:07,147 --> 00:16:09,592
You needed a virility
reassurance, and you...

306
00:16:09,792 --> 00:16:12,279
Jamie, do you have to be here?

307
00:16:12,479 --> 00:16:14,571
- Yep. I'm waiting.
<i>- For what?</i>

308
00:16:14,771 --> 00:16:17,508
For someone to send me out
for something expensive.

309
00:16:18,896 --> 00:16:20,481
Here's a dollar.
Go to the movies.

310
00:16:21,620 --> 00:16:22,563
Well?

311
00:16:22,763 --> 00:16:24,935
You don't expect me
to go alone, do you?

312
00:16:29,860 --> 00:16:31,140
Hang in there, Pop.

313
00:16:34,340 --> 00:16:37,751
Gee, nobody ever took me
to the movies before.

314
00:16:37,951 --> 00:16:41,006
- Where are you getting all the money?
- It's mostly leavings.

315
00:16:41,460 --> 00:16:42,545
Leavings?

316
00:16:42,745 --> 00:16:45,574
Yeah, you know,
getting paid for leaving the room.

317
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:51,035
Tell me, what does...
Self-expression mean.

318
00:16:51,235 --> 00:16:53,486
- Just being able to talk.
- Why?

319
00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:57,098
Because you get in big trouble
if you try it in San Diego.

320
00:16:59,540 --> 00:17:03,093
- It's silly. I won't do it.
- But you have to, Mom.

321
00:17:03,293 --> 00:17:05,497
You have to turn on
the sex appeal.

322
00:17:05,697 --> 00:17:08,376
A woman has to fight to keep her mate.

323
00:17:08,576 --> 00:17:10,092
Fight? I'm too busy!

324
00:17:10,540 --> 00:17:12,740
That's just it.
You've got to break out

325
00:17:12,780 --> 00:17:14,700
of that humdrum
housewife image and

326
00:17:14,740 --> 00:17:17,530
compete with Miss Peterson
on her own terms.

327
00:17:17,730 --> 00:17:20,482
Unfortunately, the male
chauvinist ego makes

328
00:17:20,682 --> 00:17:22,996
them judge a woman
by her appearance.

329
00:17:23,196 --> 00:17:25,929
But if that's what
Daddy wants, let's give it to him.

330
00:17:26,340 --> 00:17:27,757
Right after classes tomorrow,

331
00:17:27,957 --> 00:17:30,352
I am taking you to the
Fling Your Thing boutique.

332
00:17:32,740 --> 00:17:36,607
Harry, I'm your pal.
And I'm not going to let you down.

333
00:17:36,807 --> 00:17:41,046
I figured out a way to break it up
between you and up there Ninotchka.

334
00:17:41,246 --> 00:17:43,704
Her name is Nancy and
there's nothing to break up.

335
00:17:44,260 --> 00:17:46,493
Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo.
Now, here's what you do.

336
00:17:46,980 --> 00:17:49,486
<i>You call up this commie
spy in San Diego</i>

337
00:17:50,860 --> 00:17:53,620
<i>and ask her if she's
got a friend for me.</i>

338
00:17:53,860 --> 00:17:57,666
- Look, Ralph.
- Then we, uh, double date down there.

339
00:17:57,866 --> 00:18:01,095
Apply them with vodka,
that's their favorite drink, you know,

340
00:18:01,295 --> 00:18:03,537
Oh, people, they love it.
Get some talk.

341
00:18:03,737 --> 00:18:07,718
<i>I get their names, ranks, serial number,
and take away their microfilms.</i>

342
00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:09,900
<i>Oh, yeah, sure.
Before you know it,</i>

343
00:18:09,940 --> 00:18:11,700
<i>we break up the whole
California commie ring.</i>

344
00:18:11,740 --> 00:18:14,620
You know something, Ralph?

345
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:17,484
I don't know what this country
would do without you.

346
00:18:17,684 --> 00:18:20,796
Oh, hey, look. I don't want
no medals, no monuments.

347
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:23,100
All I ask is when I go,
they bury me in

348
00:18:23,140 --> 00:18:25,818
Arlington National Cemetery
with full military honors.

349
00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:30,340
Ralph. I don't know how
to tell you this,

350
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:31,900
but I really don't
think you'll make

351
00:18:31,940 --> 00:18:35,476
Arlington just for getting too
broad stoned in San Diego.

352
00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:40,736
Hurry up, Mom.
It's almost time.

353
00:18:40,936 --> 00:18:42,334
<i>I'm on the way.</i>

354
00:18:44,420 --> 00:18:47,787
- Alice, how do I look?
- Fine, fine, just fine.

355
00:18:47,987 --> 00:18:49,180
But I still think you should

356
00:18:49,220 --> 00:18:51,340
have gotten the hot pants
and the peek-a-boo bolero.

357
00:18:53,620 --> 00:18:57,542
For me, it's crazy enough just to be
wearing a new pair of stockings.

358
00:18:58,940 --> 00:19:02,742
Facing this crisis together will make
your marriage even stronger.

359
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:06,139
- That's encouraging.
- I'll leave you alone.

360
00:19:06,339 --> 00:19:07,748
Oh, one more thing.

361
00:19:07,948 --> 00:19:10,841
Uh, please, Mom,
take off your glasses.

362
00:19:11,041 --> 00:19:13,146
Absolutely not.
You know I need them--

363
00:19:13,346 --> 00:19:16,741
I found out Miss Petersen
is blonde, Swedish,

364
00:19:17,220 --> 00:19:21,094
- and 36, 24, 36.
- Right, no glasses.

365
00:19:23,660 --> 00:19:26,500
Perfect. You look just
like Jane Fonda.

366
00:19:29,060 --> 00:19:30,900
Well, thanks for the
ride home, Harry.

367
00:19:31,220 --> 00:19:34,638
- Come in with me, Ralph, huh?
- No, no, no, I couldn't do that.

368
00:19:34,838 --> 00:19:37,709
As a favor to me, I'd
like somebody to talk to.

369
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:40,220
<i>You mean your wife's not
even talking to you?</i>

370
00:19:40,260 --> 00:19:42,811
Oh, it's worse than that.
It's like Siberia in there.

371
00:19:43,011 --> 00:19:44,335
Come on, see for yourself.

372
00:19:50,100 --> 00:19:53,719
Oh, hi there, tiger.

373
00:19:53,919 --> 00:19:56,961
If by that you mean
me, I'm over here.

374
00:19:59,380 --> 00:20:04,797
Oh, I, I, I better be going.
I got my pistol glass.

375
00:20:06,260 --> 00:20:09,113
Siberia, huh. Wow.

376
00:20:10,860 --> 00:20:13,300
Martini, lover?

377
00:20:15,140 --> 00:20:18,521
- Irma, wear your glasses.
- Oh, I I really don't need them.

378
00:20:18,721 --> 00:20:20,311
They're just for reading.

379
00:20:23,220 --> 00:20:26,887
- Now what's this all about?
- Nothing really, Harry.

380
00:20:27,087 --> 00:20:29,854
What's wrong with us having a nice,

381
00:20:30,054 --> 00:20:31,794
quiet evening at home?

382
00:20:31,994 --> 00:20:34,526
But Irma, you know you
don't have to...

383
00:20:35,535 --> 00:20:37,125
It was Alice, wasn't it?

384
00:20:37,325 --> 00:20:41,231
Well, what if it was?
I mean, it shows they love you.

385
00:20:41,431 --> 00:20:45,109
- What's wrong with that?
- Nothing. Nothing at all.

386
00:20:45,340 --> 00:20:46,679
But it does make you think.

387
00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:49,856
You know, I give blood to the
Red Cross twice a year, right?

388
00:20:50,056 --> 00:20:53,301
I worked for the United Fund, and I
was even a Boy Scout leader, right?

389
00:20:53,860 --> 00:20:55,979
- But what has that got?
- And I'm an usher at church,

390
00:20:56,179 --> 00:20:58,352
and I take handicapped
kids to the ball game,

391
00:20:58,552 --> 00:20:59,868
and it never made a dent on them.

392
00:21:00,068 --> 00:21:01,300
But now that people
think I've

393
00:21:01,340 --> 00:21:03,540
been hanky-panking
with a bimbo at some

394
00:21:03,580 --> 00:21:06,340
roadhouse, now everybody
loves me.

395
00:21:06,740 --> 00:21:08,620
I suppose if I set fire
to the orphanage,

396
00:21:08,660 --> 00:21:11,472
- they'd be crazy about me.
- Now, Harry.

397
00:21:11,672 --> 00:21:13,105
What is it with the kids today?

398
00:21:13,305 --> 00:21:15,523
The bigger bum you are,
the bigger hero you are.

399
00:21:15,820 --> 00:21:18,580
They're trying to be understanding.

400
00:21:18,660 --> 00:21:21,500
I don't want to be understood.

401
00:21:21,540 --> 00:21:22,645
I want to be believed.

402
00:21:22,845 --> 00:21:26,010
And you don't have to put on
Halloween costumes for me, either.

403
00:21:26,388 --> 00:21:30,781
Ohh It's all right for your girlfriend to
look nice, but not your wife.

404
00:21:31,220 --> 00:21:36,181
- Girlfriend? That does it. Come on.
- Harry, what are you doing?

405
00:21:36,900 --> 00:21:37,965
Where are we going?

406
00:21:40,580 --> 00:21:43,300
Mama, Pop, they've gone.

407
00:21:43,940 --> 00:21:48,709
Rats. I was sure this would be a $2
to get rid of me night.

408
00:21:52,180 --> 00:21:55,119
- Harry, where are we?
- The waterbed motel.

409
00:21:56,449 --> 00:21:58,731
How could you
after bringing that--

410
00:21:58,931 --> 00:22:00,527
Stop yakking and move it.

411
00:22:01,988 --> 00:22:05,160
Well, if it isn't an
old scaredy cat again.

412
00:22:05,780 --> 00:22:08,866
Is that cozy room for
two available tonight?

413
00:22:09,066 --> 00:22:12,153
It sure is. You really want it
for two this time?

414
00:22:12,353 --> 00:22:15,110
- That's right.
- Well, you're beginning yet with it.

415
00:22:15,310 --> 00:22:17,171
I got a lever with you, mister.

416
00:22:17,371 --> 00:22:20,041
<i>I couldn't believe it when
you slept in the car all night.</i>

417
00:22:20,241 --> 00:22:22,476
<i>That was really wild.</i>

418
00:22:23,140 --> 00:22:26,831
Oh, Harry, can you
ever forgive me?

419
00:22:27,031 --> 00:22:30,411
- With the greatest of pleasure.
<i>- Here's your key.</i>

420
00:22:30,611 --> 00:22:32,086
Keep it.

421
00:22:32,286 --> 00:22:34,823
You think I'd let a lady like that
stay in a joint like this?

422
00:22:35,023 --> 00:22:36,686
How do you like that?

423
00:22:36,886 --> 00:22:39,444
He's going to talk her
into sleeping in the car.

424
00:22:41,184 --> 00:22:42,871
We'll be late getting home,

425
00:22:43,071 --> 00:22:44,968
and the children
will be worried.

426
00:22:45,168 --> 00:22:46,713
Oh, you can call them from the hotel.

427
00:22:46,913 --> 00:22:48,479
- Hotel?
- Mm-hmm.

428
00:22:48,820 --> 00:22:51,221
We're spending the night at
the ritziest joint on the beach.

429
00:22:51,421 --> 00:22:53,672
That is, if you can put up

430
00:22:53,872 --> 00:22:55,744
with a fellow pressured by needs of

431
00:22:55,944 --> 00:22:58,290
virility statements
and ego outlets and

432
00:22:58,490 --> 00:23:00,420
the lowered libido threshold.

433
00:23:01,900 --> 00:23:05,505
Harry Boyle,
you're talking like a child.

434
00:23:09,491 --> 00:23:13,401
Subtitles: Kilo

435
00:23:14,305 --> 00:24:14,483
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