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My name is Happy Gilmore.
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Growing up, I always wanted
to be a hockey player.
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But then 30 years ago,
I picked up a golf club.
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[yelps]
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Turned out to be a
pretty good decision.
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[commentator] And Happy Gilmore
wins the 98th U.S. Open.
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00:01:03,833 --> 00:01:06,875
[Happy] I got to marry a
great lady named Virginia,
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00:01:06,958 --> 00:01:08,958
and we had a son named Gordy.
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The wins didn't always
come as expected,
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00:01:12,250 --> 00:01:14,125
but like Grandma always said,
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sometimes it's better
to be lucky than good.
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-Oh, Lord!
-[crowd cheering]
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I made it!
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Yeah, I was getting lucky
in more ways than one.
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He shoots, he scores!
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And after our fourth
boy in four years,
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Virginia had an idea
for an endorsement.
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Trojan. Kids are great...
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[kids screaming]
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...in moderation.
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What are you doing? Calm down!
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{\an8}I tried to get the boys into
competitive golf tournaments...
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Follow that.
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00:01:48,333 --> 00:01:50,875
[Happy] But their hockey
instincts were too strong.
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00:01:50,958 --> 00:01:52,333
[indistinct shouting]
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Boys, stop! Come on, what
are you doing? [groans]
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00:01:55,291 --> 00:01:57,333
[boys shouting indistinctly]
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{\an8}[Happy] Tiger Woods had a video
game, so we did a Happy Gilmore one.
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00:02:01,708 --> 00:02:04,958
{\an8}But I think the computer guys
made it a little too realistic.
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{\an8}[Bob] You've had enough.
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{\an8}[Happy] Anyways, the boys
loved how violent it was,
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00:02:08,833 --> 00:02:11,042
but it made my
little girl nervous.
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That's right, we finally
had a little girl,
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sweet Vienna, Mommy's
new best friend.
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{\an8}Oh, and I hosted Saturday Night
Live a few times. That was nice.
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{\an8}The Spice Girls are here!
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Maroon 5 is here!
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{\an8}The Weeknd is here! So stick
around, we'll be right back.
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Yeah, we had it all,
so I told Virginia...
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We should just retire so we can
hang out with the kids all day.
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We're not done with golf, Happy.
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And golf's not done with us.
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It's like Chubbs used to
say. We've only just begun.
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Hmm.
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[Bobby] Gordy!
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Oh, come on, don't pee
on the slip-n-slide.
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Appreciate your time
today. It's Mother's Day.
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We honor all of the
mothers who are watching.
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Let's go real deep now!
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But in golf, even when you're
at the top of your game...
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you can always shank one.
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[gasps]
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-[thuds]
-[crowd groan]
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[softly] Uh-oh.
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After the funeral, I decided I would
never pick up a golf club again.
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I was now a single
father of five children.
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There was really only
one thing I could do...
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I'd never been a big boozer,
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but alcohol was the only
thing that helped me
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{\an8}to forget what I'd done to the
sweetest woman I'd ever known.
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{\an8}-Oh, one more thing...
-It's no good.
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{\an8}-[Happy] The money.
- [bottles clinking]
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Give me the...
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No, no, dude! Come on, man.
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[Happy] See, Virginia
always handled the finances,
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so without her, a lot of
stuff fell through the cracks.
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[man] Should I smash the window?
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[Happy] Then I caught some guy
trying to break into my Ferrari.
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Hey, can you hold my beer?
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Yeah. [grunts]
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The guy wasn't a thief,
he was a repo man.
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[man] Can you let me explain?
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[Happy] Turns out I didn't
know I had to renew the lease.
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The big baby sued me,
and I lost everything...
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including Grandma's house,
which was devastating.
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The boys had to move into
an apartment together,
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and me and Vienna found a new
place that was affordable.
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It's not the best neighborhood,
but it's walkable to my new job.
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[woman over PA] Gary, can
you pick up in section 2?
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[music playing
indistinctly over speakers]
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[gulping, sighs]
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Happy Gilmore. Oh, my God,
I'm such a massive fan.
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Okay, bro, what can
I help you with?
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You ever hear of
Maxi Sports Drink?
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I think that's aisle four.
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No. It's my company, I own it.
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I'm Frank Manatee.
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My real passion is this cutting-edge
golf project that I've been working on.
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[sighs] I don't golf
no more, brother.
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Cucumber juice in there?
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Sure.
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Anyway, I figured maybe you
would start golfing again
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once you heard how huge
this league was gonna be.
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I wish you luck, but
I'm not interested.
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See, that's the thing. Nobody's
interested in traditional golf.
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It's a boring sport
played by boring people.
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They ain't boring,
they're my friends.
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You don't understand. You
inspired this thing, all right?
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And I love you, and I'd
hate to see you pass this up
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and have your life turn out
worse than it already is.
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I get it. Golf makes
you tense, right?
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Because the whole wife thing?
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Get your skunk breath out of
my face, or I swear to God...
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Or what, tough guy? You're not
gonna do a damn thing about it,
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because if you lay one finger on
me, you're going right to jail.
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That's if I get caught.
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[Linda] Operations.
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Hey, Linda, can you turn the
security cameras off for 90 seconds?
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[indistinct muffled shouting]
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[muffled screaming]
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Seven, eight. Fouetté,
fouetté. Finish.
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Great. Arms, fifth. Soutenu.
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Fouetté, fouetté.
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Arms, fifth.
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Soutenu. Chaîné, chaîné.
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And arabesque.
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Look at that.
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-Daddy!
-[chuckles]
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[Happy] Hey, Vienna.
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Oh, with the kicks! Hey.
The Rockettes are here.
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[Vienna] Glad you're home.
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You were a clue on
Jeopardy! Let me show you.
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Really?
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Okay. Hi.
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Hi.
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How'd my girl do today?
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Great. Beyond great. She needs
a better teacher than me.
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-Look.
-[Happy] Yeah.
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[Ken] With his amazing long
drives and hockey player's temper,
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{\an8}this golfer won the first of his six
Tour Championships in 1996. Carter?
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{\an8}Who is Happy Goldberg?
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{\an8}[Ken] Sorry, no. Ling.
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00:07:01,166 --> 00:07:02,792
{\an8}Who is Happy Gudenstein?
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{\an8}[Ken] Nope. Jana.
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{\an8}Who is Skippy Goldenbaum?
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{\an8}-[buzzer sounds]
-That is incorrect.
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He is Jewish, but we were
looking for Happy Gilmore.
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At least he knew it.
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I'm making your grandma's
brisket for dinner.
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The boys are coming.
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Okay, good. Good, I can't wait.
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What do you mean, a better
teacher? Are you quitting?
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No, but I work at the
Boys and Girls Club.
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She's light years beyond
anyone else I ever taught.
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So what? Where should she go?
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The Paris Opera Ballet School.
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Where's that? Around here?
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-It's in Paris.
-[sighs]
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They only have four
slots open each year.
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I sent them the
videos of Vienna,
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and they're saving one
of the slots for her.
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Is it free?
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How much is it?
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$75,000 a year.
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I marinated the brisket in ketchup
all day like you said Grandma used to.
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Absolutely incredible.
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You crushed it, Vivi.
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Vienna, you're gonna have
to make more. I'm starving.
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Easy, Bobby. Make your own.
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-Terry, how about I make you cry?
-Are you freaking kidding?
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-Yeah! Strangle him! Use it!
-[clamoring]
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Put the fork down! Not the fork.
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We fight in the basement,
not at the table.
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-Sorry, Daddy.
-Sorry.
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It's all right.
167
00:08:14,166 --> 00:08:15,583
How's work going, boys?
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I gotta say, Pop, I'm
loving the road crew.
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[all laughing]
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I'm killing it at the car wash.
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[all laughing]
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I'm going for Employee of
the Month at the drugstore.
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[laughing] Whoop, whoop, whoop.
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I've been keeping the
sky safe at the airport.
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-[all laughing]
-[loud thud]
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Dude!
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You guys wouldn't have to be working
if I didn't lose all our money.
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-We don't need no money.
-Money's for snobs.
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Everybody needs money
to chase their dreams.
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You guys didn't
even go to college
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00:08:47,041 --> 00:08:50,125
because you thought you had to stick
around here and keep an eye on me.
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00:08:50,208 --> 00:08:51,500
What are you talking about?
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-...we got brisket, we got hockey here.
-...we got food.
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I'm just psyched you thought any
of us could get into college.
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00:08:57,625 --> 00:08:59,000
[Terry] He's not
going to college.
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[Bobby] That's what
he was talking about.
187
00:09:00,875 --> 00:09:02,667
It's a turn of
phrase. Not saying...
188
00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:04,583
Turn of phrase? You just said...
189
00:09:04,666 --> 00:09:05,708
[Gordy] Say your phrase.
190
00:09:05,791 --> 00:09:06,833
[Bobby] It makes no sense.
191
00:09:06,916 --> 00:09:08,083
[Gordy] I know what it means.
192
00:09:08,166 --> 00:09:11,292
You turn and you look at somebody
and you say some... [laughs]
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00:09:11,375 --> 00:09:15,333
♪ Here, it's never ending Can't
remember when it started ♪
194
00:09:15,416 --> 00:09:20,458
♪ Pass around the lampshade There'll
be plenty enough room in jail ♪
195
00:09:20,541 --> 00:09:23,708
[indistinct chatter]
196
00:09:23,791 --> 00:09:27,500
♪ If being wrong's a crime
I'm serving forever ♪
197
00:09:27,583 --> 00:09:31,042
♪ If being strong's your
kind I need help... ♪
198
00:09:31,125 --> 00:09:33,083
I'm telling you now, I'm
getting the waterbed.
199
00:09:33,166 --> 00:09:35,208
What are you talking about?
I shot tied the waterbed.
200
00:09:35,291 --> 00:09:37,375
-[Gordy] Enough out of you.
-[Bobby] What?
201
00:09:37,458 --> 00:09:39,625
[Terry] You're on the floor.
You popped the waterbed.
202
00:09:39,708 --> 00:09:41,792
-Come on, let's go.
-[Happy] All right.
203
00:09:41,875 --> 00:09:44,916
-[Vienna] Night, guys. Love you.
-[Happy] Thanks for coming.
204
00:09:45,708 --> 00:09:46,791
Call me when you get there.
205
00:09:47,875 --> 00:09:49,875
Wait a minute. How
are there four of you?
206
00:09:49,958 --> 00:09:53,958
Wait a minute. Who's steering?
Gordy, don't steer with your feet.
207
00:09:54,041 --> 00:09:55,667
Chips off the old block, huh?
208
00:09:55,750 --> 00:09:56,958
[Vienna] Hey, Uncle John Daly.
209
00:09:57,041 --> 00:09:58,167
Hey, Vienna, Happy.
210
00:09:58,250 --> 00:09:59,167
Hey, pal.
211
00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:02,250
I'm almost out of here. I just
put a down payment on a tent.
212
00:10:02,333 --> 00:10:04,417
Will you stop? I don't
want you to leave.
213
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:05,917
Stay as long as you need to.
214
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:08,708
I appreciate you. You want
to come watch Love Island?
215
00:10:08,791 --> 00:10:11,917
I do, but I'm going to
have a couple of nightcaps
216
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,833
and get some rest
for work tomorrow.
217
00:10:13,916 --> 00:10:15,292
Make that scratch, dog.
218
00:10:15,375 --> 00:10:17,583
Absolutely. Good
night, my brother.
219
00:10:17,666 --> 00:10:19,125
Night, night. Love you.
220
00:10:19,208 --> 00:10:20,208
[Happy] Love you.
221
00:10:20,791 --> 00:10:22,833
Oh, my God. I hope
he marries her.
222
00:10:22,916 --> 00:10:25,166
[woman on TV] She going for it.
223
00:10:28,125 --> 00:10:29,958
I should be putting you to bed.
224
00:10:30,750 --> 00:10:31,791
[grunts]
225
00:10:33,791 --> 00:10:36,792
Look, Dad, I know Miss Simon
talked to you about dance school,
226
00:10:36,875 --> 00:10:38,166
but don't even think about it.
227
00:10:38,791 --> 00:10:41,667
When I was a teenager, I
wanted to be on the Bruins.
228
00:10:41,750 --> 00:10:43,542
This is your Bruins.
229
00:10:43,625 --> 00:10:47,250
Except you know how to dance
and I didn't know how to skate.
230
00:10:47,333 --> 00:10:50,375
Did you know Mama
was a great dancer?
231
00:10:50,458 --> 00:10:51,708
[Vienna] Yeah, she was.
232
00:10:52,291 --> 00:10:53,750
Get some sleep, Dad.
233
00:10:55,416 --> 00:10:57,916
[Happy] Yeah, she
was something else.
234
00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:00,083
[Vienna] Good night, Dad.
235
00:11:00,166 --> 00:11:02,083
Good night, Virginia.
236
00:11:11,083 --> 00:11:14,292
I can't believe that
me in cheap lingerie
237
00:11:14,375 --> 00:11:18,333
carrying two pitchers of
Moosehead was your "happy place."
238
00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:20,750
I'm sorry, Virginia.
239
00:11:20,833 --> 00:11:24,167
Oh, sweetie, don't worry. I'm
not here to judge your fantasies.
240
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:28,000
No, not that. I'm sorry about...
241
00:11:28,083 --> 00:11:29,833
Killing me with a tee shot?
242
00:11:31,208 --> 00:11:32,291
Come on.
243
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,291
You've apologized for
that a thousand times.
244
00:11:36,250 --> 00:11:39,458
Look, Happy, I know you're
worried about the kids' futures,
245
00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:43,250
but you've got to
show them by example.
246
00:11:44,041 --> 00:11:46,292
Let them see the Happy
I fell in love with.
247
00:11:46,375 --> 00:11:48,958
-I'm not that man anymore.
-Mmm.
248
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:53,083
Okay. No, no, no.
249
00:11:53,166 --> 00:11:55,000
-Please.
-No, no.
250
00:11:55,083 --> 00:11:57,792
Can you just hold on to
that for a second, sweetie?
251
00:11:57,875 --> 00:12:02,958
Honey, you'll always be the
greatest, but you need some purpose.
252
00:12:03,833 --> 00:12:05,542
So I'm gonna tell you
what I always told you.
253
00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:06,875
Okay.
254
00:12:08,083 --> 00:12:10,083
You're not a hockey
player, Happy.
255
00:12:11,416 --> 00:12:13,000
You are a...
256
00:12:56,416 --> 00:12:58,667
Hey, where you going
with those clubs, punk?
257
00:12:58,750 --> 00:13:00,375
Mr. Gilmore, I'm your caddie.
258
00:13:00,458 --> 00:13:01,958
Oh, I'm sorry about that.
259
00:13:02,041 --> 00:13:03,208
No, let me carry these.
260
00:13:03,291 --> 00:13:05,291
They're my grandfather's.
They're old.
261
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:14,333
[hopeful music plays]
262
00:13:20,666 --> 00:13:23,083
[music intensifies]
263
00:13:27,750 --> 00:13:28,833
[music stops]
264
00:13:32,291 --> 00:13:33,583
You gonna hit that?
265
00:13:36,958 --> 00:13:38,875
I don't know if I can, Johnny.
266
00:13:38,958 --> 00:13:41,333
How are you gonna put Vienna
through ballet school?
267
00:13:41,416 --> 00:13:42,500
You know about that?
268
00:13:42,583 --> 00:13:44,083
Of course. You know
what else I know?
269
00:13:44,166 --> 00:13:46,750
It's $75,000 a year.
270
00:13:46,833 --> 00:13:49,500
That's four years.
That's 333 grand.
271
00:13:50,333 --> 00:13:52,958
That's terrible math,
Johnny. It's 300 grand.
272
00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:55,458
Hey, if you can get a
discount, that's great.
273
00:13:55,541 --> 00:13:57,250
But how you gonna
make that cha-ching?
274
00:13:57,333 --> 00:13:58,333
I don't know.
275
00:13:58,416 --> 00:14:02,375
I thought I'd pick a few double
shifts up at the supermarket. Maybe...
276
00:14:02,458 --> 00:14:05,875
There's only one way you can make some
big dollars fast. Grip it and rip it.
277
00:14:05,958 --> 00:14:09,166
Johnny, I wouldn't even
know where to start.
278
00:14:10,291 --> 00:14:11,375
At the bottom.
279
00:14:16,791 --> 00:14:19,083
Excuse me, I'm looking
to get out there.
280
00:14:19,875 --> 00:14:20,750
[man snores]
281
00:14:20,833 --> 00:14:24,666
There's a threesome going out at
10:15. You can join them. Name?
282
00:14:25,291 --> 00:14:26,375
Don't worry about it.
283
00:14:27,041 --> 00:14:28,041
I won't.
284
00:14:30,666 --> 00:14:33,333
Who was that? Grizzly Adams?
285
00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:36,083
I don't know who that is.
286
00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:38,083
-[Steiner laughs]
-Is it just us three?
287
00:14:38,166 --> 00:14:40,500
No. Starter said a fourth
is playing with us.
288
00:14:40,583 --> 00:14:42,833
{\an8}-We gotta play with some random?
-[Sally] Yup.
289
00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:46,333
{\an8}It's always some yin-yang who
plays like shit and never shuts up.
290
00:14:46,416 --> 00:14:48,250
[Fitzy] Oh, man. Is that him?
291
00:14:48,333 --> 00:14:50,917
He looks like he got a
divorce four seconds ago.
292
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,958
Are you the one that's
playing with us?
293
00:14:53,041 --> 00:14:54,250
I think so, yeah.
294
00:14:54,333 --> 00:14:56,833
We like to play quick,
so try to keep up?
295
00:14:57,750 --> 00:14:58,750
Got it.
296
00:15:00,083 --> 00:15:01,917
-Let's get this party started?
-[Sally] Yeah.
297
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,125
-[Fitzy] Yeah, let's get it started.
-Whoo!
298
00:15:04,208 --> 00:15:05,375
[speaks Spanish]
299
00:15:05,916 --> 00:15:06,958
Oh!
300
00:15:09,166 --> 00:15:11,083
-[in English] Whoo! Cart path!
-Man!
301
00:15:11,166 --> 00:15:12,583
-Nice one, Fitzy.
-Hell yeah.
302
00:15:12,666 --> 00:15:15,375
-[Sally exclaims]
-I will take that all day.
303
00:15:15,458 --> 00:15:18,208
[Steiner] Yes, sir. You got
this, girl. Get that shit.
304
00:15:21,125 --> 00:15:22,958
[Steiner whistles] Ha!
305
00:15:23,041 --> 00:15:24,958
Gotta be happy with that, Sal.
306
00:15:25,041 --> 00:15:28,083
-Top spinner. Just how I drew it up, boys.
-Mmm-hmm.
307
00:15:28,166 --> 00:15:29,958
Check this out. [exhales]
308
00:15:31,583 --> 00:15:34,333
Xanax arms, head still.
309
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,292
Oh! [chuckles]
310
00:15:39,375 --> 00:15:41,125
-[Sally] What the hell?
-[Fitzy] Holy shit.
311
00:15:41,208 --> 00:15:43,708
[Steiner] Boom! Explosion!
312
00:15:43,791 --> 00:15:45,583
That's my dog!
313
00:15:45,666 --> 00:15:48,125
Mmm-hmm! Took a
lesson at Golf Hut.
314
00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:50,333
-It shows, Stein-man.
-[both] Uh-huh.
315
00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:52,291
[both grunting triumphantly]
316
00:15:56,625 --> 00:15:58,000
[exclaims triumphantly]
317
00:15:58,083 --> 00:16:00,750
-[both chuckle]
-Man, I wish I was included in that.
318
00:16:01,500 --> 00:16:03,833
-[Steiner] Boy.
-[Sally] He doing the Happy Gilmore swing?
319
00:16:03,916 --> 00:16:06,042
My stupid uncle always
tries that bullshit.
320
00:16:06,125 --> 00:16:09,041
Swings and misses every
time. Pain in my ass.
321
00:16:25,125 --> 00:16:26,416
[yelps]
322
00:16:27,208 --> 00:16:30,750
God. He rolled
further than the ball.
323
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,208
[Fitzy] Gonna be a
long-ass day, my dudes.
324
00:16:35,250 --> 00:16:37,208
["Don Quichotte" playing]
325
00:16:37,291 --> 00:16:38,500
[grunts]
326
00:16:42,916 --> 00:16:45,333
-[whoops]
-[kisses]
327
00:16:45,416 --> 00:16:46,416
Hell yeah!
328
00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:52,625
Oh, eat a bag of...
329
00:16:55,958 --> 00:16:57,250
Did you find your ball yet?
330
00:16:57,333 --> 00:16:58,833
[Happy] Yeah, I found it.
331
00:16:58,916 --> 00:17:03,541
I'm just roaming around in here because
I like poison ivy, you piece of...
332
00:17:05,666 --> 00:17:06,916
{\an8}Grandma!
333
00:17:09,291 --> 00:17:14,166
-[shattering]
-Oh, choke on my dangling, wrinkly...
334
00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:22,583
[yells]
335
00:17:24,083 --> 00:17:25,250
[groans]
336
00:17:26,333 --> 00:17:27,542
[yells]
337
00:17:27,625 --> 00:17:30,250
I don't know why, I get so
intimidated in the sand.
338
00:17:30,333 --> 00:17:33,166
The dude from Golf Hut said
just flip it like a pancake.
339
00:17:33,750 --> 00:17:35,500
-Flip that pancake, Sally.
-Mmm-hmm.
340
00:17:37,541 --> 00:17:39,125
-Nice!
-[both exclaim]
341
00:17:39,208 --> 00:17:41,542
♪ To the window, to the walls ♪
342
00:17:41,625 --> 00:17:42,625
♪ To the walls ♪
343
00:17:42,708 --> 00:17:45,292
♪ 'Til sweat drop
down my balls ♪
344
00:17:45,375 --> 00:17:47,417
♪ 'Til all these bitches crawl ♪
345
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,417
♪ 'Til all skeet-skeet,
motherfucker ♪
346
00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:51,583
♪ 'Til all
skeet-skeet, goddamn ♪
347
00:17:51,666 --> 00:17:52,625
♪ A-goddamn ♪
348
00:17:52,708 --> 00:17:54,791
["Don Quichotte" resumes]
349
00:17:59,541 --> 00:18:02,875
Nice putt, dude. We'll
put you down for a 12.
350
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,166
Yeah.
351
00:18:11,750 --> 00:18:12,750
[sighs]
352
00:18:13,583 --> 00:18:15,333
I think he thinks the
tee-marker's the ball.
353
00:18:18,750 --> 00:18:20,625
[yelps]
354
00:18:20,708 --> 00:18:21,833
Told you.
355
00:18:29,166 --> 00:18:32,125
Hey, DJ Khaled, maybe give the
Happy Gilmore swing a rest?
356
00:18:32,208 --> 00:18:33,625
Because it ain't working.
357
00:18:38,875 --> 00:18:41,458
Yo, that is Happy Gilmore.
358
00:18:41,541 --> 00:18:43,500
Happy Gilmore sucks?
359
00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:46,416
[thuds]
360
00:18:47,458 --> 00:18:49,500
Hey, can you call
fore next time?
361
00:18:50,625 --> 00:18:52,542
-[grunts]
-[shudders]
362
00:18:52,625 --> 00:18:55,125
[laughs] Fore!
363
00:18:55,750 --> 00:18:57,666
[laughing]
364
00:19:00,458 --> 00:19:02,958
-[Happy grunting]
-[Steiner] Whoa.
365
00:19:03,708 --> 00:19:05,542
Hey, man, at least it went in.
366
00:19:05,625 --> 00:19:06,625
[Happy] It did?
367
00:19:06,708 --> 00:19:08,958
[all] No! [laughing]
368
00:19:09,041 --> 00:19:12,542
Man, Happy Gilmore is
such a joke. It's sad.
369
00:19:12,625 --> 00:19:15,125
Still got to ask for
his autograph, though.
370
00:19:15,208 --> 00:19:17,625
My auntie used to cream
her jeans for that fool.
371
00:19:17,708 --> 00:19:19,375
-[laughs]
-Whoa!
372
00:19:19,458 --> 00:19:23,625
[Happy] Tell your aunt I'll sign
her jeans for $300,000. [laughs]
373
00:19:24,375 --> 00:19:26,958
I guess I'm a
little rusty, gang.
374
00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:31,625
The Stein-man recently had
a lesson at the Golf Hut.
375
00:19:31,708 --> 00:19:32,750
Yes.
376
00:19:32,833 --> 00:19:38,083
But I just, I haven't swung a
club in ten years, so, sorry.
377
00:19:38,666 --> 00:19:39,958
[groans]
378
00:19:41,958 --> 00:19:43,375
How about you, Chubbs?
379
00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:46,500
You got any tips for me?
380
00:19:47,375 --> 00:19:49,375
[Chubbs] Relax, do
what we talked about.
381
00:19:49,458 --> 00:19:53,583
It's all in the hips,
yeah, it's all in the hips!
382
00:19:53,666 --> 00:19:54,708
It's all...
383
00:19:54,791 --> 00:19:58,958
Oh, yeah. Ease the tension.
384
00:19:59,041 --> 00:20:02,042
Oh. I miss you, baby.
385
00:20:02,125 --> 00:20:04,708
My man having a wet dream
we don't know about?
386
00:20:04,791 --> 00:20:07,166
[hopeful music plays]
387
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:09,916
[grunts]
388
00:20:13,333 --> 00:20:14,916
[ball whizzing]
389
00:20:19,541 --> 00:20:21,375
[all exclaiming]
390
00:20:21,458 --> 00:20:24,333
-Oh, my God!
-Now that is some Happy Gilmore shit!
391
00:20:24,416 --> 00:20:27,792
-Yes. Yeah.
-[Steiner] Unbelievable!
392
00:20:27,875 --> 00:20:32,208
I mean, I've hit some big ones,
but that was a freakin' rocket!
393
00:20:32,291 --> 00:20:35,458
It was, like, effortless,
but still ferocious.
394
00:20:35,541 --> 00:20:37,916
You got to teach me
how to do that, dude.
395
00:20:38,666 --> 00:20:42,500
Dude! [yelling] Dude!
396
00:20:42,583 --> 00:20:43,625
-Dude!
-Dude!
397
00:20:45,333 --> 00:20:49,458
{\an8}Remember Happy Gilmore? He's making
news on the golf course again.
398
00:20:49,541 --> 00:20:50,708
{\an8}And not the good kind.
399
00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:54,417
{\an8}He was apparently driving a golf
cart while intoxicated last week
400
00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:55,833
{\an8}and struck another cart.
401
00:20:55,916 --> 00:20:57,125
{\an8}-[Happy] Stein-man!
- [groans]
402
00:20:57,208 --> 00:21:01,167
{\an8}Gilmore was arrested and charged with
vandalism and driving under the influence.
403
00:21:01,250 --> 00:21:04,625
Prosecutors agreed to suspend
the golf-cart-related charges
404
00:21:04,708 --> 00:21:08,375
on the condition that Gilmore
refrain from any physical violence
405
00:21:08,458 --> 00:21:11,125
and attend a radical
alcohol treatment program.
406
00:21:11,208 --> 00:21:12,583
{\an8}Go Bruins!
407
00:21:12,666 --> 00:21:15,458
{\an8}He was also fired from
his job at Stop & Shop.
408
00:21:16,375 --> 00:21:19,416
{\an8}Truly, a sad end
for a sports legend.
409
00:21:21,791 --> 00:21:23,666
[man] Thanks for
being with us today.
410
00:21:24,875 --> 00:21:29,875
In 1996, you were arrested for
inciting injury to persons or property,
411
00:21:29,958 --> 00:21:32,917
conspiracy to commit
vehicular manslaughter,
412
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:36,916
criminal menacing,
and stealing a jacket.
413
00:21:38,250 --> 00:21:39,167
[chuckles softly]
414
00:21:39,250 --> 00:21:42,125
At trial, you were found not
guilty by reason of insanity
415
00:21:42,208 --> 00:21:43,708
and remanded to this facility.
416
00:21:43,791 --> 00:21:46,041
-That was 29 years ago.
-[exhales]
417
00:21:47,041 --> 00:21:49,625
It feels like
yesterday. [chuckles]
418
00:21:49,708 --> 00:21:51,542
Twenty-nine years
is a long time,
419
00:21:51,625 --> 00:21:54,458
and so this board is inclined
to grant you your release.
420
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,792
If we were to do so, what then?
421
00:21:57,875 --> 00:22:00,250
Well, I'd want to give
back to the community.
422
00:22:00,875 --> 00:22:04,417
Especially the children who
are, of course, our future.
423
00:22:04,500 --> 00:22:07,750
And animals, also, who
need to be snuggled,
424
00:22:07,833 --> 00:22:10,416
and neutered with their
permission, of course.
425
00:22:11,416 --> 00:22:13,042
What about Happy Gilmore?
426
00:22:13,125 --> 00:22:15,417
Oh, I would stay far, far away.
427
00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:17,792
Far, far away from Gilmore.
428
00:22:17,875 --> 00:22:22,542
What if you ran into him,
say, on a golf course?
429
00:22:22,625 --> 00:22:26,750
I'd wave or I could
nod. That's also good.
430
00:22:27,458 --> 00:22:30,458
And if he was wearing
a gold jacket?
431
00:22:32,666 --> 00:22:33,875
[Verne] Incredible!
432
00:22:33,958 --> 00:22:36,833
-Happy Gilmore wins the gold jacket!
-No!
433
00:22:36,916 --> 00:22:39,042
[breathing heavily]
434
00:22:39,125 --> 00:22:44,958
I would fill a pillowcase with golf
balls and beat the piss out of him!
435
00:22:45,041 --> 00:22:47,417
-I would tear the jacket off his back...
-[man] Guards.
436
00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:49,375
...and shove it down his throat!
437
00:22:49,458 --> 00:22:51,208
[man] Bring this animal
back to his cell!
438
00:22:51,291 --> 00:22:53,750
That is my jacket! My jacket!
439
00:22:53,833 --> 00:22:57,125
Shooter's gold! All
mine! It's my gold...
440
00:22:57,916 --> 00:22:59,000
[door closes]
441
00:23:00,333 --> 00:23:01,667
Lunch? Benihana?
442
00:23:01,750 --> 00:23:02,958
-Hell yeah.
-Hell yeah.
443
00:23:05,958 --> 00:23:08,125
-[sighs]
-[indistinct chatter]
444
00:23:11,541 --> 00:23:15,500
Excuse me. Is this where
the alcohol meetings are?
445
00:23:15,583 --> 00:23:18,542
You're in the right place.
How are you feeling?
446
00:23:18,625 --> 00:23:19,750
Mmm, a little shaky.
447
00:23:19,833 --> 00:23:21,542
First five days are rough.
448
00:23:21,625 --> 00:23:24,583
Just get through today and your
body will start turning the corner.
449
00:23:24,666 --> 00:23:27,750
Thank you. And this is all
on the down low, right?
450
00:23:27,833 --> 00:23:30,083
Happy freakin' Gilmore!
451
00:23:30,166 --> 00:23:34,250
I can't believe you be
hitting the bottle too!
452
00:23:34,333 --> 00:23:36,625
I guess Bessie didn't
get the down low memo.
453
00:23:36,708 --> 00:23:39,292
Yeah, that's all right.
Where's the therapist?
454
00:23:39,375 --> 00:23:41,625
He'll be here. He likes
to make an entrance.
455
00:23:41,708 --> 00:23:44,125
Mr. Gilmore?
456
00:23:45,791 --> 00:23:47,500
Holy shit.
457
00:23:48,291 --> 00:23:52,708
[laughs] As I live and breathe.
It is wonderful to see you.
458
00:23:52,791 --> 00:23:54,958
-[scoffs]
-How's Grandma?
459
00:23:55,041 --> 00:23:58,875
Grandma? Passed away
maybe 15 years ago.
460
00:23:58,958 --> 00:24:02,875
Mmm. That's a shame. I know
you loved on her so much.
461
00:24:02,958 --> 00:24:04,333
Yeah.
462
00:24:05,125 --> 00:24:07,250
Is that when you
began abusing alcohol?
463
00:24:07,333 --> 00:24:11,250
No, no. That actually started
up after my wife got killed.
464
00:24:11,333 --> 00:24:14,958
-Mm. It's always something, isn't it?
-Mmm-hmm.
465
00:24:15,958 --> 00:24:17,083
Okay.
466
00:24:17,166 --> 00:24:19,166
Happy, why don't you
come on up front?
467
00:24:20,416 --> 00:24:22,125
We have a new member here.
468
00:24:23,583 --> 00:24:27,083
Hi. I'm Happy and
I'm an alcoholic.
469
00:24:27,166 --> 00:24:29,125
{\an8}Oh, we don't say alcoholic.
470
00:24:29,208 --> 00:24:30,792
{\an8}We're not scientists.
471
00:24:30,875 --> 00:24:35,541
{\an8}We're just people trying to get
by. We say "alkie". Keeps it light.
472
00:24:36,375 --> 00:24:38,708
Uh... I'm Happy
and I'm an alkie?
473
00:24:38,791 --> 00:24:40,375
{\an8}Say it loud and proud!
474
00:24:40,458 --> 00:24:43,958
{\an8}-Hi, I'm Happy and I'm an alkie!
-Ha-ha!
475
00:24:44,041 --> 00:24:46,042
Celebrities. They just like us.
476
00:24:46,125 --> 00:24:48,458
-Except they got a lot more cash.
-[all laugh]
477
00:24:48,541 --> 00:24:51,333
Now, Charlotte, last
week you were concerned
478
00:24:51,416 --> 00:24:53,917
about a musical festival
you were to attend.
479
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:55,083
How'd that work out?
480
00:24:55,666 --> 00:24:58,333
-Fine. It was a concert.
-Mmm-hmm.
481
00:24:58,416 --> 00:25:00,792
My friends were drinking
and offering me drinks,
482
00:25:00,875 --> 00:25:02,000
but I didn't have any.
483
00:25:02,083 --> 00:25:04,875
But I bet you wanted that
liquor something fierce, huh?
484
00:25:04,958 --> 00:25:06,792
I mean, I was tempted, but...
485
00:25:06,875 --> 00:25:09,583
I bet you would have kicked
your own mother in the face
486
00:25:09,666 --> 00:25:11,917
just to get a sniff of
that liquor, wouldn't you?
487
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:13,208
Not really.
488
00:25:13,291 --> 00:25:17,750
Charlotte, if we don't stop
lying, we don't stop drinking.
489
00:25:17,833 --> 00:25:19,625
Why won't you stop lying?
490
00:25:20,333 --> 00:25:21,833
Because I'm an alkie?
491
00:25:21,916 --> 00:25:28,125
And how does a degenerate, low-life
alkie take the first step to recovery?
492
00:25:28,208 --> 00:25:29,667
By washing your car?
493
00:25:29,750 --> 00:25:32,000
Bingo! Three o'clock, Thursday?
494
00:25:32,083 --> 00:25:35,375
I got the soap, you bring the rags
and bucket, we make it a party?
495
00:25:35,458 --> 00:25:38,083
{\an8}-I'm sorry, I have a question.
-Yeah?
496
00:25:38,166 --> 00:25:42,083
{\an8}What does the car-washing have
to do with the no-drinking?
497
00:25:42,166 --> 00:25:43,958
{\an8}You're thinking.
You're thinking.
498
00:25:44,041 --> 00:25:46,708
{\an8}Mr. Gilmore's up in his head
when really he should be
499
00:25:46,791 --> 00:25:49,208
{\an8}listening to me and
keeping his mouth shut.
500
00:25:49,291 --> 00:25:52,125
This is a radical alcohol
treatment program.
501
00:25:52,208 --> 00:25:55,208
{\an8}And the chief judge,
my Uncle Dave,
502
00:25:55,291 --> 00:25:59,666
he told me that I can do whatever
I want with everyone in this room.
503
00:26:01,125 --> 00:26:02,375
{\an8}Check out the name tag.
504
00:26:02,458 --> 00:26:04,500
{\an8}You're in my world now, Grandma.
505
00:26:04,583 --> 00:26:06,250
{\an8}You're in my world now.
506
00:26:07,875 --> 00:26:09,458
Oh, my gosh.
507
00:26:10,333 --> 00:26:14,417
[male voice] Welcome
to the future of golf.
508
00:26:14,500 --> 00:26:18,667
The greatest game just got
a triple shot of adrenaline.
509
00:26:18,750 --> 00:26:23,166
{\an8}Experience the
revolution of Maxi.
510
00:26:24,166 --> 00:26:26,583
{\an8}-Game over, regular golf.
- [laughs] Wow.
511
00:26:26,666 --> 00:26:27,875
-Pretty great.
-[Lee] So good.
512
00:26:27,958 --> 00:26:30,125
Yeah, it's something
for sure. What is it?
513
00:26:30,208 --> 00:26:32,250
-I mean, what are we seeing?
-What is it?
514
00:26:32,333 --> 00:26:35,500
So, basically, Maxi is
a reimagining of golf.
515
00:26:35,583 --> 00:26:37,167
It's golf for today.
516
00:26:37,250 --> 00:26:38,875
Why is golf so boring and dumb?
517
00:26:38,958 --> 00:26:41,750
Golf was invented 800 years
ago, something like that.
518
00:26:41,833 --> 00:26:43,208
I thought about
it and I was like,
519
00:26:43,291 --> 00:26:44,542
"If society could change,
520
00:26:44,625 --> 00:26:47,458
how come the rules of golf
have stayed the same?"
521
00:26:47,541 --> 00:26:49,291
And that's why I created Maxi.
522
00:26:50,041 --> 00:26:50,958
-That's deep.
-Yeah.
523
00:26:51,041 --> 00:26:55,500
The NBA, the NFL, the NHL, they
offer the highest quality product.
524
00:26:55,583 --> 00:26:57,208
-[softly] Wow.
-And so does Maxi.
525
00:26:57,291 --> 00:26:59,625
You're saying Maxi has the
best golfers in the world?
526
00:26:59,708 --> 00:27:00,708
Oh, my God.
527
00:27:00,791 --> 00:27:03,417
-You doing okay, Frank?
-I think I'm going to die.
528
00:27:03,500 --> 00:27:05,292
That's what's up,
but listen, gang,
529
00:27:05,375 --> 00:27:07,875
how are you going to get
these professional golfers
530
00:27:07,958 --> 00:27:09,333
to play in this new league?
531
00:27:09,416 --> 00:27:12,083
I've already got my golfers
and they're the best.
532
00:27:12,166 --> 00:27:13,833
You think they're
better than the pros?
533
00:27:13,916 --> 00:27:16,083
I don't think, Stat. I know.
534
00:27:16,166 --> 00:27:18,208
You should think about
talking to Happy Gilmore.
535
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:20,416
I don't know who that is.
536
00:27:21,083 --> 00:27:24,125
-[Happy] Yeah, tell that to the lobsters.
-[John] Mmm.
537
00:27:24,208 --> 00:27:26,417
Johnny, what are you doing
with those chicken wings?
538
00:27:26,500 --> 00:27:29,208
They've been in the fridge
for three weeks now, bro.
539
00:27:29,291 --> 00:27:32,458
I just put this sauce on them.
It gets rid of all the bacteria.
540
00:27:32,541 --> 00:27:35,041
Hmm. I don't know about
that, but good luck.
541
00:27:36,291 --> 00:27:38,375
When you've done
that, the TV remote.
542
00:27:38,458 --> 00:27:40,750
[sighs] Always wondered
why that didn't work.
543
00:27:40,833 --> 00:27:42,417
What are you doing
on that contuder?
544
00:27:42,500 --> 00:27:43,708
I'm looking for a job.
545
00:27:43,791 --> 00:27:47,083
There's a new Dairy Queen around
here. I think they're hiring.
546
00:27:47,166 --> 00:27:49,750
You're not going to make
$330,000 at no Dairy Queen.
547
00:27:49,833 --> 00:27:51,250
You know what you got to do.
548
00:27:51,333 --> 00:27:55,333
I tried the golf. The golf
didn't work out. Cuckoo clock.
549
00:27:55,416 --> 00:27:58,333
Grandma's cuckoo clock?
That's sacrilegious, Daddy.
550
00:27:58,416 --> 00:28:01,542
-[Happy] Yeah, I know.
-[clock mimics cuckoo bird]
551
00:28:01,625 --> 00:28:03,917
You can't give up
because of one bad round.
552
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:06,042
You had to at least hit
a couple decent shots.
553
00:28:06,125 --> 00:28:09,083
I think I hit one out of 117.
554
00:28:09,166 --> 00:28:10,417
Yeah, next time you'll hit two
555
00:28:10,500 --> 00:28:13,000
and then three, and before you
know it, you're the best again.
556
00:28:13,083 --> 00:28:14,792
I'm 58 years old, V.
557
00:28:14,875 --> 00:28:16,292
Forget about being the best.
558
00:28:16,375 --> 00:28:19,042
If you finish 30th in
the Tour Championship,
559
00:28:19,125 --> 00:28:21,917
-you make 100 grand, brother.
-[Happy] How am I going to finish 30th?
560
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,750
I lost to three idiots
on a municipal course.
561
00:28:24,833 --> 00:28:26,083
[John] You were hammered.
562
00:28:26,166 --> 00:28:29,000
Maybe you need to practice,
Dad, like I do with dancing.
563
00:28:29,083 --> 00:28:31,625
What else are you going to do,
sober boy? You can't drink.
564
00:28:32,458 --> 00:28:33,833
Hand sanitizer.
565
00:28:35,500 --> 00:28:36,958
Let Uncle John
take care of that.
566
00:28:39,208 --> 00:28:42,458
[gags] This is hand sanitizer.
567
00:28:42,541 --> 00:28:44,000
[Happy] Gotcha. [laughs]
568
00:28:45,250 --> 00:28:46,500
{\an8}["Juke Box Hero" playing]
569
00:28:46,583 --> 00:28:49,458
{\an8}-Were you Happy Gilmore?
-Shh.
570
00:28:50,791 --> 00:28:53,125
Um, do you want
to try some clubs?
571
00:28:53,833 --> 00:28:55,166
I do, yes.
572
00:28:56,250 --> 00:28:58,791
Here, try the six iron.
A lot of pros like it.
573
00:29:02,958 --> 00:29:04,916
Yep, uh, that'll do.
574
00:29:06,375 --> 00:29:08,083
[vagrant mumbles indistinctly]
575
00:29:08,166 --> 00:29:10,083
♪ He could picture the scene ♪
576
00:29:10,958 --> 00:29:12,750
♪ Put his ear to the wall ♪
577
00:29:13,458 --> 00:29:15,041
-[scoffs]
-No.
578
00:29:15,958 --> 00:29:17,833
♪ He heard one guitar... ♪
579
00:29:17,916 --> 00:29:19,500
To the right... Ooh!
580
00:29:20,416 --> 00:29:21,333
Goddamn.
581
00:29:21,416 --> 00:29:22,667
Hold my blanket.
582
00:29:22,750 --> 00:29:24,291
Hold your blanket, all right.
583
00:29:25,291 --> 00:29:29,500
All right, you want to
load on the back leg...
584
00:29:29,583 --> 00:29:30,458
Uh-huh.
585
00:29:30,541 --> 00:29:32,333
-And then...
-Yeah.
586
00:29:33,416 --> 00:29:36,458
Okay, I'll... I'll handle it.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
587
00:29:36,541 --> 00:29:39,042
-I don't know what happened.
-Just do your thing.
588
00:29:39,125 --> 00:29:41,625
-Go!
-[men shouting indistinctly]
589
00:29:43,125 --> 00:29:44,500
You got to be quicker.
590
00:29:47,625 --> 00:29:49,083
What are you doing, Dad? Hey.
591
00:29:49,166 --> 00:29:53,541
Sobriety is a journey,
not a destination.
592
00:29:54,125 --> 00:29:56,375
-[chimes]
-I believe in you, Happy!
593
00:29:56,458 --> 00:29:59,292
♪ Someday he's going
to make it To the top ♪
594
00:29:59,375 --> 00:30:02,750
♪ And be a juke box hero ♪
595
00:30:02,833 --> 00:30:05,375
♪ Got stars in his eyes ♪
596
00:30:05,458 --> 00:30:07,833
♪ He's a juke box hero... ♪
597
00:30:07,916 --> 00:30:08,750
[laughs]
598
00:30:08,833 --> 00:30:12,625
{\an8}"What my teacher didn't understand,
what she couldn't understand,
599
00:30:12,708 --> 00:30:14,833
{\an8}"is that I only
cheated on the test
600
00:30:14,916 --> 00:30:19,500
because my mother had yelled at me
about the oatmeal cookies. Yet again..."
601
00:30:25,625 --> 00:30:28,208
-[yells]
-[Bessie] Oh, there he goes.
602
00:30:29,083 --> 00:30:32,041
[Hal] Nice even strokes.
Thank you, Charlotte.
603
00:30:33,333 --> 00:30:36,000
Good. Finish the louvers,
then do the borders.
604
00:30:36,083 --> 00:30:36,917
Yes, sir.
605
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:39,875
[announcer] Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome Vienna Gilmore.
606
00:30:39,958 --> 00:30:43,333
[Happy] Everyone else sucks
and you know it! Let's go, V!
607
00:30:43,416 --> 00:30:47,375
♪ Like a trip through the
past To that day in the rain ♪
608
00:30:47,458 --> 00:30:48,500
[man] Come on, Happy!
609
00:30:48,583 --> 00:30:53,583
♪ And that one guitar Made
his whole life change ♪
610
00:30:54,291 --> 00:30:55,625
♪ Now he needs to
keep on rocking ♪
611
00:30:55,708 --> 00:30:57,250
[all cheering]
612
00:30:57,333 --> 00:30:58,625
♪ He just can't stop ♪
613
00:30:59,791 --> 00:31:01,542
[all chanting] Happy! Happy!
614
00:31:01,625 --> 00:31:05,083
♪ That boy has got
to stay on top ♪
615
00:31:06,416 --> 00:31:08,375
{\an8}[crowd exclaiming, whooping]
616
00:31:08,458 --> 00:31:13,208
{\an8}Happy! Happy! Happy!
617
00:31:13,291 --> 00:31:16,875
♪ He's got stars in his eyes ♪
618
00:31:16,958 --> 00:31:20,333
-♪ Juke box hero ♪
-♪ Got stars in his eyes ♪
619
00:31:20,416 --> 00:31:22,542
-Boot!
-[both cheer]
620
00:31:22,625 --> 00:31:25,250
Come on, baby! You're
back! Let's go.
621
00:31:39,625 --> 00:31:41,833
Do you mind?
622
00:31:41,916 --> 00:31:42,750
I'm sorry.
623
00:31:42,833 --> 00:31:44,375
What the hell are you doing?
624
00:31:44,458 --> 00:31:46,292
I'll take off. Have a good day.
625
00:31:46,375 --> 00:31:49,292
Go back to your mobile home.
626
00:31:49,375 --> 00:31:51,167
Got you a little something, Pop.
627
00:31:51,250 --> 00:31:53,917
What? What is it?
628
00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:56,166
"Thirty days sober!
Congrats, Daddy!"
629
00:31:57,125 --> 00:31:59,000
{\an8}[all exclaiming]
630
00:31:59,083 --> 00:32:02,250
{\an8}-[Happy] You paint my house, brother.
-[all shouting]
631
00:32:06,958 --> 00:32:09,291
[Gordy] Get him on the ground!
632
00:32:10,666 --> 00:32:13,666
[all laughing,
grunting triumphantly]
633
00:32:17,833 --> 00:32:19,500
{\an8}We'll put a little
extra into this one.
634
00:32:19,583 --> 00:32:22,042
[chanting] Happy! Happy! Happy!
635
00:32:22,125 --> 00:32:23,416
[chanting stops]
636
00:32:24,666 --> 00:32:27,542
I am so sorry. I did
not mean to do that.
637
00:32:27,625 --> 00:32:28,917
[all cheering]
638
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:31,916
♪ Juke box hero ♪
639
00:32:33,333 --> 00:32:35,583
♪ Juke box hero ♪
640
00:32:35,666 --> 00:32:38,500
[yelling, groaning]
641
00:32:39,416 --> 00:32:42,875
Damn you, Happy Gilmore!
642
00:32:45,666 --> 00:32:48,667
I put a thermos of coffee in your
passenger seat, Dad, and a protein bar.
643
00:32:48,750 --> 00:32:50,208
I love that. Thank you, Vivi.
644
00:32:50,291 --> 00:32:52,042
You gonna bring back
another gold jacket?
645
00:32:52,125 --> 00:32:53,958
Don't be disappointed
if that doesn't happen.
646
00:32:54,041 --> 00:32:55,625
Just looking to
get in the top 30.
647
00:32:55,708 --> 00:32:58,167
But that gets you enough money
to send Vienna to dance school.
648
00:32:58,250 --> 00:33:00,792
You gotta do it. One of us kids
has to amount to something.
649
00:33:00,875 --> 00:33:03,542
What are you talking about?
You're all something.
650
00:33:03,625 --> 00:33:07,167
Something to me. Get
in here. Love you guys.
651
00:33:07,250 --> 00:33:10,750
This is the first time you're gonna
be far away from us since Mom left.
652
00:33:10,833 --> 00:33:13,250
We can FaceTime Dad
every day. It'll be okay.
653
00:33:13,333 --> 00:33:15,542
-[Happy] Yeah, day or night. You hear me?
-[Bobby] Yeah.
654
00:33:15,625 --> 00:33:18,750
And I'll be back Sunday to
see you goons. I promise you.
655
00:33:18,833 --> 00:33:20,750
Hopefully with one
of them big checks.
656
00:33:20,833 --> 00:33:23,083
Hell yeah, Dad. Let's go.
657
00:33:23,166 --> 00:33:24,917
Make sure John Daly
doesn't sleep in my bed.
658
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:26,375
If he does, no M&M's. Okay?
659
00:33:26,458 --> 00:33:27,458
-Got it.
-Got it.
660
00:33:31,916 --> 00:33:33,291
{\an8}Arnold.
661
00:33:34,208 --> 00:33:35,458
{\an8}Jack-o.
662
00:33:36,791 --> 00:33:37,833
{\an8}Tiger.
663
00:33:39,416 --> 00:33:40,416
SpongeBob?
664
00:33:41,291 --> 00:33:42,500
{\an8}What is that?
665
00:33:42,583 --> 00:33:44,708
What's with the beaver teeth?
666
00:33:44,791 --> 00:33:46,458
[Doug] The truth
can hurt sometimes.
667
00:33:46,541 --> 00:33:49,958
-Oh, my goodness. Dougie boy!
-Happy! [chuckles]
668
00:33:50,041 --> 00:33:53,708
I missed you, bro. How's
everything been going?
669
00:33:53,791 --> 00:33:56,042
Oh, it gets harder
every year, Happy.
670
00:33:56,125 --> 00:33:58,292
How's it getting
harder? I'm not around.
671
00:33:58,375 --> 00:34:00,667
Yeah, honestly, the
Maxi Golf League.
672
00:34:00,750 --> 00:34:03,667
The Maxi... I saw a commercial
for that. It looked stupid.
673
00:34:03,750 --> 00:34:07,125
-Well, supposedly, it is faster-paced...
-Yeah, yeah.
674
00:34:07,208 --> 00:34:10,417
...and our biggest sponsors are
suddenly slow to call me back.
675
00:34:10,500 --> 00:34:12,417
I got a bad feeling about this.
676
00:34:12,500 --> 00:34:16,417
We got the greatest golfers in the world.
That's what people want to see, the best.
677
00:34:16,500 --> 00:34:18,458
Manatee says his
guys are better.
678
00:34:18,541 --> 00:34:20,250
There's only one
way to find out.
679
00:34:20,333 --> 00:34:22,458
Challenge him. People
would love to watch that.
680
00:34:22,541 --> 00:34:25,958
Wow! Virginia really
rubbed off on you.
681
00:34:26,041 --> 00:34:27,375
We had five kids together.
682
00:34:27,458 --> 00:34:28,917
She rubbed off on
me all the time,
683
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:31,250
and I just laid there
like a sack of potatoes.
684
00:34:31,333 --> 00:34:34,625
[chuckles] As charming as
ever. Hey, just get inside.
685
00:34:34,708 --> 00:34:36,333
The guys are excited to see you.
686
00:34:36,416 --> 00:34:40,583
Would you at least get Invisalign
for that thing? Thank you.
687
00:34:41,500 --> 00:34:44,500
Hey, Happy, you gonna finish
off that blueberry jubilee?
688
00:34:44,583 --> 00:34:48,375
Oh, God. Freddy's still snaking
everybody's dessert? Okay, you got it.
689
00:34:48,458 --> 00:34:49,875
Thank you. Cheers.
690
00:34:49,958 --> 00:34:52,667
I'm so happy to be with you. Look
forward to getting out there.
691
00:34:52,750 --> 00:34:54,417
You gonna play tomorrow?
692
00:34:54,500 --> 00:34:55,958
Why, you guys aren't playing?
693
00:34:56,041 --> 00:34:58,208
Happy, these kids
are 20, 30 years old.
694
00:34:58,291 --> 00:34:59,417
We're old and stiff.
695
00:34:59,500 --> 00:35:01,250
We're old, but we're still cool.
696
00:35:01,333 --> 00:35:04,000
You guys taking aspirin
before you get out there?
697
00:35:04,083 --> 00:35:05,708
I'm popping them like Tic Tacs.
698
00:35:05,791 --> 00:35:08,000
I grind them in my applesauce.
699
00:35:08,083 --> 00:35:10,500
I used to be able to play 72
holes without breaking a sweat.
700
00:35:10,583 --> 00:35:12,750
Now it takes me ten minutes
to get out of this chair.
701
00:35:12,833 --> 00:35:14,750
-[all chuckle]
-Yes?
702
00:35:14,833 --> 00:35:17,375
Do you mind grabbing me a half
iced tea and half lemonade?
703
00:35:17,458 --> 00:35:18,750
Arnold Palmer.
704
00:35:18,833 --> 00:35:21,791
No, Jack Nicklaus, but
I do get that a lot.
705
00:35:22,500 --> 00:35:24,083
Fantastic. Be back in a jiff.
706
00:35:24,750 --> 00:35:28,000
Happy, what gives with the comeback
attempt after all these years?
707
00:35:28,083 --> 00:35:29,375
Well, I'm out of cash.
708
00:35:29,458 --> 00:35:34,333
My daughter has an opportunity to go
to this ballet school in Paris, so...
709
00:35:34,416 --> 00:35:36,708
Happy, I've known
you for 30 years.
710
00:35:36,791 --> 00:35:38,917
You're like a son to
me. How much you need?
711
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:40,167
300 grand.
712
00:35:40,250 --> 00:35:42,458
Good luck tomorrow.
Hit 'em straight.
713
00:35:43,166 --> 00:35:44,625
-Excuse me, pal?
-Yes, sir?
714
00:35:44,708 --> 00:35:48,167
I asked for a Tanqueray and tonic,
but they gave me Bombay instead.
715
00:35:48,250 --> 00:35:51,958
I'm the busboy, sir. Sorry. I
will get you a server right now.
716
00:35:52,041 --> 00:35:54,375
Uh, do you want some bread?
717
00:35:54,458 --> 00:35:56,417
No, just the right
booze, thanks.
718
00:35:56,500 --> 00:35:57,792
Okay.
719
00:35:57,875 --> 00:35:59,125
I think I rattled him.
720
00:35:59,208 --> 00:36:02,958
Hey, Happy, whatever happened to
that guy, uh, Shooter McGavin?
721
00:36:03,041 --> 00:36:05,375
I believe he's still in
an institution, Jack.
722
00:36:05,458 --> 00:36:06,625
Wasn't he friends with O.J.?
723
00:36:06,708 --> 00:36:09,875
Well, they used to vacation together. I
don't know if they were friends, but...
724
00:36:10,625 --> 00:36:13,625
-[thunder rumbling]
-[laughing]
725
00:36:16,916 --> 00:36:18,791
This guy's losing it.
726
00:36:19,958 --> 00:36:22,792
[laughs wickedly]
727
00:36:22,875 --> 00:36:24,416
[door opens]
728
00:36:25,791 --> 00:36:28,292
What are you doing
here? It's quiet time.
729
00:36:28,375 --> 00:36:31,083
You suddenly got some very
powerful friends, McGavin.
730
00:36:31,708 --> 00:36:35,041
{\an8}This is a court order for
your immediate release.
731
00:36:35,750 --> 00:36:39,083
Excuse me? Gentleman would
like new gin and tonic.
732
00:36:39,166 --> 00:36:42,375
He said Bombay, no Tanqueray.
733
00:36:42,458 --> 00:36:44,542
You told Spiethy
that was on me, man?
734
00:36:44,625 --> 00:36:45,750
No, no.
735
00:36:45,833 --> 00:36:48,542
You threw me under the bus.
So you could be the hero?
736
00:36:48,625 --> 00:36:49,542
[Oscar] No. I... No.
737
00:36:49,625 --> 00:36:52,417
[Travis] You stabbed me in my
back. That's what time it is?
738
00:36:52,500 --> 00:36:53,625
He just, he just said...
739
00:36:53,708 --> 00:36:57,083
I can't work like this, man.
Watching my six all day, every day.
740
00:36:57,166 --> 00:36:59,208
I just wanted to
help. I offered bread.
741
00:36:59,291 --> 00:37:00,875
You mess around, you find out.
742
00:37:01,833 --> 00:37:02,708
You're fired.
743
00:37:02,791 --> 00:37:03,750
Fired?
744
00:37:03,833 --> 00:37:05,208
-[barks]
-[yelps]
745
00:37:08,041 --> 00:37:10,917
Hey, pal. Yo. You think you
were a little harsh on the dude?
746
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,083
Sorry you had to hear
that, Mr. Gilmore.
747
00:37:14,041 --> 00:37:17,542
You don't know the backstory.
Mr. Couples? More blueberry jubilee?
748
00:37:17,625 --> 00:37:20,208
Nah, I'm okay. Maybe one more.
749
00:37:20,291 --> 00:37:22,333
Yeah. Back in two.
750
00:37:23,125 --> 00:37:24,833
[thunder rumbling]
751
00:37:25,666 --> 00:37:27,791
Yackety-yack, don't come back.
752
00:37:29,666 --> 00:37:30,666
Whoo!
753
00:37:31,916 --> 00:37:33,250
Ah! [laughs]
754
00:37:33,958 --> 00:37:36,708
[breathes deeply, laughs]
755
00:37:38,375 --> 00:37:39,625
[horn honking]
756
00:37:39,708 --> 00:37:44,708
Shooter McGavin. I'm
such a massive fan.
757
00:37:44,791 --> 00:37:45,750
[glass clinking]
758
00:37:45,833 --> 00:37:50,500
Gentlemen, thank you for being
here at the Tour Champions Dinner.
759
00:37:51,458 --> 00:37:52,583
That's what she said.
760
00:37:55,750 --> 00:37:56,958
I'm not sure that made sense, X.
761
00:37:57,041 --> 00:38:01,667
Every time our sport has overcome a
challenge, we have come out stronger.
762
00:38:01,750 --> 00:38:04,750
Today's challenge is
the Maxi Golf League,
763
00:38:04,833 --> 00:38:08,375
who allege that they are going
to make golf more watchable.
764
00:38:08,458 --> 00:38:09,791
That's what she said.
765
00:38:12,458 --> 00:38:14,542
-Great joke, Mr. Schauffele.
-Thanks, buddy.
766
00:38:14,625 --> 00:38:16,750
I just got off the
phone with the president
767
00:38:16,833 --> 00:38:19,333
of this new league,
Frank Manatee,
768
00:38:19,416 --> 00:38:21,917
and I challenged him
to a competition.
769
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:26,541
Frank accepted that challenge
and then farted into the phone.
770
00:38:27,291 --> 00:38:28,291
He did what?
771
00:38:29,083 --> 00:38:30,333
What's the competition?
772
00:38:30,416 --> 00:38:33,333
Our five best players
versus his five best.
773
00:38:33,416 --> 00:38:37,083
Make it our five worst. It doesn't
matter. We're gonna smoke them anyway!
774
00:38:37,166 --> 00:38:39,500
[all cheering]
775
00:38:39,583 --> 00:38:41,750
-Whoo!
-Yeah!
776
00:38:41,833 --> 00:38:46,000
Now, I know that you all want
the honor of kicking their ass.
777
00:38:46,083 --> 00:38:47,708
-[all] Yeah!
-So how about this?
778
00:38:47,791 --> 00:38:51,708
Top five finishers this weekend
represent us in the challenge.
779
00:38:51,791 --> 00:38:53,583
All right. Let's go.
780
00:38:54,625 --> 00:38:56,375
[mouthing] That's what she said.
781
00:38:57,125 --> 00:39:00,042
Gentlemen, by showing
the world our dominance,
782
00:39:00,125 --> 00:39:04,500
we will eliminate this league
before it even officially launches.
783
00:39:04,583 --> 00:39:06,750
-[player] Let's go!
-[all cheering]
784
00:39:09,666 --> 00:39:12,291
And now you've got something
else to play for, Happy.
785
00:39:14,208 --> 00:39:17,666
Yeah! Yeah!
786
00:39:19,458 --> 00:39:23,375
-[both groan]
-Gosh. I think there's a fork in my ass.
787
00:39:23,458 --> 00:39:25,083
Now that's what she said.
788
00:39:26,416 --> 00:39:28,708
-Yeah!
-[all cheering]
789
00:39:29,958 --> 00:39:31,875
-[whoops]
-[both whoop]
790
00:39:36,083 --> 00:39:38,542
[Verne] The sun is shining.
The greens are shimmering.
791
00:39:38,625 --> 00:39:40,500
{\an8}What a day to play some golf.
792
00:39:40,583 --> 00:39:44,833
Welcome to the big one, the
U.S. Bank Tour Championship.
793
00:39:44,916 --> 00:39:48,542
{\an8}I'm Verne Lundquist. Here,
as always, with Jack Beard.
794
00:39:48,625 --> 00:39:52,333
{\an8}And the golfer everyone is
talking about, Happy Gilmore.
795
00:39:52,416 --> 00:39:53,542
-Looks handsome.
-Yeah.
796
00:39:53,625 --> 00:39:57,167
{\an8}[Verne] Gilmore returns
after a ten-year absence.
797
00:39:57,250 --> 00:39:59,083
{\an8}[woman] Some of the
guys set your locker up.
798
00:40:01,291 --> 00:40:05,250
{\an8}Bengay, Tums.
Preparation H, yeah.
799
00:40:05,333 --> 00:40:06,750
MiraLAX, always good.
800
00:40:06,833 --> 00:40:10,750
{\an8}And, uh, diapers. Now
that's pushing it.
801
00:40:16,458 --> 00:40:18,208
I know you never made
it to the Bruins, Happy,
802
00:40:18,291 --> 00:40:20,292
but maybe you'll make this
five-man wrecking crew.
803
00:40:20,375 --> 00:40:25,125
Oh, I doubt that, Tony. I'm actually
just worried about making the cut.
804
00:40:25,208 --> 00:40:26,708
Mr. Gilmore, Sergio told me
805
00:40:26,791 --> 00:40:30,333
you forgot to bring a caddie to
your first tournament. Is that true?
806
00:40:30,416 --> 00:40:32,333
[laughs] He said that? No.
807
00:40:32,416 --> 00:40:35,625
Well, yeah, but still, I didn't
know the rules back then.
808
00:40:35,708 --> 00:40:37,083
That's insane.
809
00:40:37,166 --> 00:40:40,625
Yeah, that was silly. Can't
believe I would do that.
810
00:40:44,583 --> 00:40:46,625
[choking]
811
00:40:48,250 --> 00:40:52,333
Hey, brother. Good to see you,
man. So here's what happened.
812
00:40:52,416 --> 00:40:56,167
My regular caddie moved to
Switzerland for tax purposes,
813
00:40:56,250 --> 00:40:58,500
so I'm kind of like,
I got nowhere to go.
814
00:40:58,583 --> 00:41:01,417
What do you say, you and
me for old times' sake?
815
00:41:01,500 --> 00:41:03,167
That's nice, Mr. Gilmore,
816
00:41:03,250 --> 00:41:06,417
but I, unfortunately, I
can't caddie for you today.
817
00:41:06,500 --> 00:41:09,958
You're not still mad about the
whole choking you thing, are you?
818
00:41:10,041 --> 00:41:11,542
No, it's not that.
819
00:41:11,625 --> 00:41:13,958
It's actually, I
don't caddie anymore.
820
00:41:14,041 --> 00:41:17,208
I, uh... I play now. We're
actually playing together today.
821
00:41:17,291 --> 00:41:20,750
I didn't know that, Blondie. All
right, well, I'll see you out there.
822
00:41:20,833 --> 00:41:21,833
I'll see ya.
823
00:41:23,291 --> 00:41:24,791
Blondie. [chuckles]
824
00:41:25,416 --> 00:41:29,917
My name's Will, and I'm still mad at you
for choking me out, you son of a bitch.
825
00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:32,625
[Verne] We're minutes
away from the start,
826
00:41:32,708 --> 00:41:37,292
and Happy Gilmore is apparently
breaking in yet another new caddie.
827
00:41:37,375 --> 00:41:39,083
Uh, it's a club. Yeah.
828
00:41:39,166 --> 00:41:41,167
Club. Oh, like
the club sandwich.
829
00:41:41,250 --> 00:41:42,750
Not the club sandwich. Okay.
830
00:41:42,833 --> 00:41:45,333
[Verne] Let's check in
with our own Gary Potter,
831
00:41:45,416 --> 00:41:48,250
{\an8}who's with number one-ranked
Scottie Scheffler.
832
00:41:48,333 --> 00:41:49,250
{\an8}Thanks, Verne.
833
00:41:49,333 --> 00:41:51,333
{\an8}Scottie, you have
been on quite a tear.
834
00:41:51,416 --> 00:41:53,583
{\an8}My God. You're seeing
the ball and the hole,
835
00:41:53,666 --> 00:41:56,583
{\an8}and the position of the ball
and the hole... all good things.
836
00:41:56,666 --> 00:41:58,625
{\an8}Is there a question
in there, Gary?
837
00:41:58,708 --> 00:42:02,166
{\an8}Scottie, if you're the best, does
that make everyone else the worst?
838
00:42:03,125 --> 00:42:04,375
{\an8}I'm just gonna go warm up.
839
00:42:04,458 --> 00:42:07,875
{\an8}Always great catching up with
Scottie. Back to you, Verne.
840
00:42:07,958 --> 00:42:09,500
Thanks, Gary.
841
00:42:10,583 --> 00:42:14,750
{\an8}The threesome of Justin
Thomas, Will Zalatoris,
842
00:42:14,833 --> 00:42:18,416
and Happy Gilmore
is about to tee off.
843
00:42:20,916 --> 00:42:23,416
-Ooh.
-[crowd cheering, applauding]
844
00:42:26,083 --> 00:42:27,833
Nice. Nice bang, JT.
845
00:42:27,916 --> 00:42:29,625
Pressure's on with
Happy watching.
846
00:42:29,708 --> 00:42:31,042
My family loves you.
847
00:42:31,125 --> 00:42:33,083
I'm actually rooting
for you. I gotta stop.
848
00:42:33,166 --> 00:42:35,625
No. Keep it coming. I need
all the love I can get.
849
00:42:35,708 --> 00:42:36,542
Gotcha.
850
00:42:36,625 --> 00:42:38,958
-Now on the tee, Zalatoris, Will.
-[chuckles]
851
00:42:40,833 --> 00:42:43,083
-That's your name?
-[chuckles]
852
00:42:43,666 --> 00:42:46,000
"That's your name?"
What an idiot.
853
00:42:46,083 --> 00:42:49,917
I'm a little intimidated. All these
guys hit it big now, you know?
854
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:52,417
Do you need a water
refill? Any bread sticks?
855
00:42:52,500 --> 00:42:55,666
No. Maybe I'll go
to my happy place.
856
00:42:56,791 --> 00:42:58,416
Okay. I will be here.
857
00:43:03,916 --> 00:43:04,875
[crowd cheering]
858
00:43:04,958 --> 00:43:07,541
It's not working. I
don't drink beer anymore.
859
00:43:08,625 --> 00:43:09,708
Good.
860
00:43:09,791 --> 00:43:12,667
Now on the tee, Gilmore, Happy.
861
00:43:12,750 --> 00:43:14,417
[man] Welcome back, Happy!
862
00:43:14,500 --> 00:43:18,667
[Verne] Golf fans around the world are
excited to see Happy Gilmore again,
863
00:43:18,750 --> 00:43:20,458
but at 58 years old,
864
00:43:20,541 --> 00:43:25,292
I'm not sure even Gilmore thinks
he can compete with today's best.
865
00:43:25,375 --> 00:43:26,250
[man] Hey, Happy!
866
00:43:26,333 --> 00:43:28,333
I guess I need to
update my happy place
867
00:43:28,416 --> 00:43:31,750
to something a little
more age appropriate.
868
00:43:33,875 --> 00:43:36,375
Whoa! [laughing]
869
00:43:36,458 --> 00:43:38,916
{\an8}[yelping]
870
00:43:43,541 --> 00:43:45,166
{\an8}[bell ringing]
871
00:43:48,208 --> 00:43:51,166
You can do it! [laughs]
872
00:44:01,041 --> 00:44:02,708
Yeah.
873
00:44:16,291 --> 00:44:19,666
-[ball whizzing]
-[crowd murmuring]
874
00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:26,541
[crowd cheering]
875
00:44:27,583 --> 00:44:28,708
Okay.
876
00:44:29,375 --> 00:44:31,708
-Thank you, Happy!
- [all cheering]
877
00:44:31,791 --> 00:44:34,500
-Let's go!
-Let's go!
878
00:44:35,458 --> 00:44:37,500
Never did that before.
Thank you, man.
879
00:44:37,583 --> 00:44:40,250
Okay, well, let's get... All
right, we're going to go.
880
00:44:40,333 --> 00:44:42,833
-But you bring those. Those always come.
-Oh.
881
00:44:43,625 --> 00:44:45,542
All right? That's it, that's it.
882
00:44:45,625 --> 00:44:46,500
I'm sorry.
883
00:44:46,583 --> 00:44:49,250
No, no. They got a strap if
you want to use the strap.
884
00:44:49,333 --> 00:44:52,083
["She Sells Sanctuary" playing]
885
00:44:55,833 --> 00:44:57,375
[crowd cheering]
886
00:45:01,916 --> 00:45:05,250
A snake! Get it off
me, god damn it!
887
00:45:05,333 --> 00:45:07,041
Get the snake!
888
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:10,916
[Happy] Come on.
Come on. Come on.
889
00:45:11,583 --> 00:45:15,750
-[cheering]
-Goal! Yeah, baby!
890
00:45:18,625 --> 00:45:20,917
-Come on, Happy!
-[indistinct chatter]
891
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:22,666
Man, I don't drink.
892
00:45:23,666 --> 00:45:24,917
How about some coffee?
893
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:28,167
That I can do! Let's
go. Let's go. Let's go.
894
00:45:28,250 --> 00:45:31,375
[all chanting] Chug, chug, chug!
895
00:45:31,458 --> 00:45:33,417
[cheering]
896
00:45:33,500 --> 00:45:36,041
Yeah!
897
00:45:37,541 --> 00:45:40,541
Yeah! Let's go! Yeah!
898
00:45:41,416 --> 00:45:43,791
[yelling]
899
00:45:47,125 --> 00:45:49,583
Holy shit!
900
00:45:54,416 --> 00:45:56,416
[crowd cheering]
901
00:46:02,666 --> 00:46:04,167
[woman] Still the man, Happy!
902
00:46:04,250 --> 00:46:06,500
-[phone rings]
-It's my kids. Sorry, everyone.
903
00:46:06,583 --> 00:46:08,542
-Good to see you, boy!
-There they are.
904
00:46:08,625 --> 00:46:11,125
Daddy's on the tee... Wanna
see Daddy drive the ball?
905
00:46:11,208 --> 00:46:14,333
{\an8}Please, dear. Thank you. All
right, boys. This is for you.
906
00:46:17,791 --> 00:46:19,042
Whoa!
907
00:46:19,125 --> 00:46:21,916
Oh! Daddy got a
hold of that one.
908
00:46:22,958 --> 00:46:24,208
What are you doing?
909
00:46:24,291 --> 00:46:27,375
Gordy! You got to see
a doctor about that!
910
00:46:27,458 --> 00:46:28,500
Happy! Happy! Happy!
911
00:46:28,583 --> 00:46:31,583
[Verne] Entering day two and
feeding off the fans' support,
912
00:46:31,666 --> 00:46:34,833
{\an8}Happy Gilmore has
jumped into the top ten.
913
00:46:34,916 --> 00:46:37,708
Oscar. Where were
you? Who's this?
914
00:46:37,791 --> 00:46:39,917
Oh, he's Esteban, my caddie.
915
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:40,917
-Okay.
-Steven.
916
00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:42,125
Steven, nice to meet...
917
00:46:42,208 --> 00:46:44,792
No. You don't get a caddie. Caddies
don't get caddies. I'm sorry.
918
00:46:44,875 --> 00:46:46,250
No? Can he play?
919
00:46:46,333 --> 00:46:47,792
What do you mean... He's not...
920
00:46:47,875 --> 00:46:50,500
This is the pro tournament.
I'm sorry. He's gotta go.
921
00:46:50,583 --> 00:46:52,166
[conversing in Spanish]
922
00:46:55,041 --> 00:46:57,833
[in English] Happy Gilmore! Okay,
got it. [speaks Spanish] Okay.
923
00:46:57,916 --> 00:46:59,750
[Happy in English] All
right. Ciao. Adiós.
924
00:46:59,833 --> 00:47:01,417
He took his hat.
925
00:47:01,500 --> 00:47:03,417
All right, go! [laughs]
926
00:47:03,500 --> 00:47:07,083
Okay, we got to play, man.
Let me have the driver.
927
00:47:13,875 --> 00:47:17,417
Oh, damn it. [sighs, growls]
928
00:47:17,500 --> 00:47:20,291
[caddie choking] Wait! Please!
929
00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:22,333
Now he gets it.
930
00:47:25,125 --> 00:47:27,625
[crowd exclaiming, cheering]
931
00:47:28,875 --> 00:47:30,125
-Happy! Happy!
-That was the shot.
932
00:47:30,208 --> 00:47:32,792
Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
933
00:47:32,875 --> 00:47:35,542
{\an8}[Verne] And heading into
Saturday, two shots back.
934
00:47:35,625 --> 00:47:38,042
{\an8}The comeback kid, Happy Gilmore.
935
00:47:38,125 --> 00:47:41,791
-[man] Good shot, Happy!
-[crowd cheering]
936
00:47:49,458 --> 00:47:51,500
[crowd cheering]
937
00:47:51,583 --> 00:47:54,708
[men] Happy! Rules!
938
00:47:54,791 --> 00:47:57,083
-[gagging]
-[crowd chanting] Happy! Happy!
939
00:47:58,291 --> 00:48:01,500
Guys, what are you doing? I'm
trying to watch your dad play golf!
940
00:48:01,583 --> 00:48:04,333
-Guys, we can't hear!
-Come on, guys.
941
00:48:04,416 --> 00:48:06,708
[Verne] No one could
have expected this.
942
00:48:06,791 --> 00:48:08,375
Happy Gilmore.
943
00:48:08,458 --> 00:48:11,958
{\an8}From off the couch to the
top of the leader board.
944
00:48:12,041 --> 00:48:14,750
And what was supposed to
be a nostalgic footnote
945
00:48:14,833 --> 00:48:18,917
has turned into one of the best
three rounds anyone has ever seen.
946
00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:22,208
The thing is, if I go for
this and miss the cup,
947
00:48:22,291 --> 00:48:25,042
it's going to roll right
off the green, so... yeah.
948
00:48:25,125 --> 00:48:26,917
-Okay, I see.
-Yeah.
949
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:28,292
What's a green?
950
00:48:28,375 --> 00:48:31,000
Green? Know what? Don't
worry about that right now.
951
00:48:31,083 --> 00:48:34,083
What I'm looking for is some
positive energy, you know?
952
00:48:34,166 --> 00:48:35,042
Can I help?
953
00:48:35,125 --> 00:48:38,000
Actually, you can. Remember
the happy place I went to?
954
00:48:38,083 --> 00:48:40,208
-Yes.
-You go to yours.
955
00:48:40,958 --> 00:48:42,375
Okay, I'll try.
956
00:48:43,541 --> 00:48:46,166
[breathes deeply]
957
00:48:48,541 --> 00:48:49,541
What's up, man?
958
00:48:50,041 --> 00:48:52,125
What do you got there? Honey?
959
00:48:53,291 --> 00:48:57,333
{\an8}What is this? What is this?
960
00:48:57,416 --> 00:48:59,750
Is this about the
job? Come on...
961
00:49:00,500 --> 00:49:04,416
{\an8}Let's... [giggling]
That's... Come on, man.
962
00:49:06,250 --> 00:49:10,500
-Oh, no. Not a bear. Not a bear.
-[sniffing]
963
00:49:10,583 --> 00:49:12,875
-Goddamn you, busboy!
-[growls]
964
00:49:12,958 --> 00:49:14,125
[screams]
965
00:49:14,208 --> 00:49:16,750
[mimics growling]
966
00:49:20,708 --> 00:49:23,083
-I'm happy now. Hit the ball.
-Yeah.
967
00:49:23,166 --> 00:49:24,458
Yes.
968
00:49:24,541 --> 00:49:27,667
You were thinking about a bear
eating that waiter, weren't you?
969
00:49:27,750 --> 00:49:28,625
Yes.
970
00:49:28,708 --> 00:49:32,250
-I thought so. Was there honey involved?
-Un poquito.
971
00:49:32,333 --> 00:49:33,875
[in English] I love it.
972
00:49:33,958 --> 00:49:35,208
[man] Come on, Happy.
973
00:49:36,208 --> 00:49:39,666
-[woman] Come on, Happy.
-[crowd murmuring]
974
00:49:40,625 --> 00:49:43,083
[Verne] Oh, no. I don't
see that one stopping.
975
00:49:43,166 --> 00:49:44,750
Wait a minute.
976
00:49:44,833 --> 00:49:47,833
-Zalatoris' ball marker to the rescue!
- [cheering]
977
00:49:47,916 --> 00:49:49,708
Yeah, Blondie! [laughs]
978
00:49:49,791 --> 00:49:51,958
{\an8}And the fairy tale continues.
979
00:49:52,041 --> 00:49:55,750
Happy Gilmore has somehow
turned back the hands of time.
980
00:49:58,375 --> 00:50:00,583
-No. Not again.
-Come here. Come on!
981
00:50:01,875 --> 00:50:03,708
We gotta do it!
982
00:50:03,791 --> 00:50:06,667
-[crowd] Oh!
-[groaning]
983
00:50:06,750 --> 00:50:10,917
-I love it! Yeah, Oscar! Whoo!
-[groaning]
984
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:13,292
{\an8}Less than two months
after hitting rock bottom
985
00:50:13,375 --> 00:50:15,167
{\an8}in a drunken golf cart crash,
986
00:50:15,250 --> 00:50:20,167
{\an8}Happy Gilmore is 18 holes away
from a seventh gold jacket.
987
00:50:20,250 --> 00:50:22,083
The only possible
conclusion is that
988
00:50:22,166 --> 00:50:25,792
Happy Gilmore has reached
an agreement of some kind
989
00:50:25,875 --> 00:50:29,292
with Satan, a.k.a. the Devil!
990
00:50:29,375 --> 00:50:32,125
[man] All right.
Let's go! Happy!
991
00:50:32,208 --> 00:50:33,708
-Good job, Mr. Gilmore.
-What's up?
992
00:50:33,791 --> 00:50:34,958
In the zone today. Man.
993
00:50:35,041 --> 00:50:37,792
We were putting. We were doing
okay. A little luck involved.
994
00:50:37,875 --> 00:50:39,708
Hey, Mr. Gilmore. Billy Jenkins.
995
00:50:39,791 --> 00:50:41,708
-Hey, nice to meet you, Bobby.
-Billy.
996
00:50:41,791 --> 00:50:44,500
Billy was on fire today. I was
like, where did that come from?
997
00:50:44,583 --> 00:50:47,125
Had the best round of my
life. I'm in second place.
998
00:50:47,208 --> 00:50:48,583
You and me play tomorrow.
999
00:50:48,666 --> 00:50:50,167
You're kidding. Look
forward to that.
1000
00:50:50,250 --> 00:50:53,000
I've never been in the hunt.
It's a dream come true.
1001
00:50:53,083 --> 00:50:55,042
You're going to love it.
You get in the top five,
1002
00:50:55,125 --> 00:50:57,750
you get to play against those
buffoons from the new league.
1003
00:50:57,833 --> 00:50:59,708
What's up with that tool
starting that league?
1004
00:50:59,791 --> 00:51:01,417
The guy came to see
me to talk about it.
1005
00:51:01,500 --> 00:51:04,333
He had the worst breath I've
ever smelled in my life.
1006
00:51:04,416 --> 00:51:05,750
Like somebody died in his mouth
1007
00:51:05,833 --> 00:51:07,958
or a donkey took a shit
there or something...
1008
00:51:08,041 --> 00:51:10,083
It was not good. Anyways,
I got to get to a meeting.
1009
00:51:10,166 --> 00:51:12,417
Love you, Bubba.
David, good to see you.
1010
00:51:12,500 --> 00:51:13,750
It's Billy.
1011
00:51:13,833 --> 00:51:19,125
[clears throat] So, in summary, I am no
longer allowed to purchase magic markers
1012
00:51:19,208 --> 00:51:20,708
in the state of Connecticut.
1013
00:51:20,791 --> 00:51:23,750
I am Nate, and I am one
day sober. [chuckles]
1014
00:51:26,916 --> 00:51:30,208
-Nate, you're an example to us all.
-[laughs]
1015
00:51:30,833 --> 00:51:31,583
What?
1016
00:51:31,666 --> 00:51:33,583
Before we finish, I'd
like to say a few words
1017
00:51:33,666 --> 00:51:36,083
about the remarkable achievement
of our brother, Happy.
1018
00:51:36,166 --> 00:51:39,292
We've been watching you play,
Mr. Gilmore. So inspiring.
1019
00:51:39,375 --> 00:51:44,667
Yeah! Happy Gilmore, making Black
people like golf again. [chuckles]
1020
00:51:44,750 --> 00:51:46,125
[Hal] That's right, Bessie.
1021
00:51:46,208 --> 00:51:49,375
I just hope Happy's able to
continue to play as well tomorrow.
1022
00:51:50,083 --> 00:51:52,791
Tomorrow being of
course... Oh...
1023
00:51:54,083 --> 00:51:55,291
Mother's Day.
1024
00:51:58,708 --> 00:52:02,208
[Verne] Welcome to the final
round of the Tour Championship.
1025
00:52:02,291 --> 00:52:03,958
Here come your current leaders.
1026
00:52:04,041 --> 00:52:05,375
Journeyman Billy Jenkins,
1027
00:52:05,458 --> 00:52:09,917
getting his first taste of success
after an undistinguished career.
1028
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:11,583
The only man in his way,
1029
00:52:11,666 --> 00:52:16,542
a golf magician named
Happy Octavius Gilmore.
1030
00:52:16,625 --> 00:52:18,750
{\an8}Octavius is his middle name?
1031
00:52:18,833 --> 00:52:21,166
{\an8}Nah, but it sounds
cool, doesn't it?
1032
00:52:21,916 --> 00:52:22,916
Wait a minute.
1033
00:52:23,750 --> 00:52:26,958
Can't wear shorts, Mr. Jenkins.
It's a two-stroke penalty.
1034
00:52:27,041 --> 00:52:28,542
That's okay.
1035
00:52:28,625 --> 00:52:31,958
I don't want to be hot
today. Makes my balls itchy.
1036
00:52:32,833 --> 00:52:35,666
[Verne] Was that confidence
or just pure stupidity?
1037
00:52:37,750 --> 00:52:40,583
{\an8}[crowd exclaiming, applauding]
1038
00:52:42,166 --> 00:52:45,417
[announcer] Now on the
tee, Gilmore, Happy.
1039
00:52:45,500 --> 00:52:47,083
[Happy] Nice shot, young man.
1040
00:52:48,333 --> 00:52:51,250
[Verne] Happy Gilmore will try
to defend his eight-shot lead
1041
00:52:51,333 --> 00:52:53,625
on this glorious Mother's Day.
1042
00:53:07,250 --> 00:53:10,666
{\an8}Gilmore was aiming right for some
reason, and that's where it went.
1043
00:53:11,458 --> 00:53:12,792
A lot of holes left to play.
1044
00:53:12,875 --> 00:53:13,875
[softly] Yeah.
1045
00:53:14,708 --> 00:53:18,083
It's okay. [speaks Spanish]
1046
00:53:19,041 --> 00:53:21,792
-[humming]
-[knock on door]
1047
00:53:21,875 --> 00:53:24,042
-Mr. McGavin.
-[chuckles]
1048
00:53:24,125 --> 00:53:25,292
How'd you sleep?
1049
00:53:25,375 --> 00:53:28,208
This place... is amazing.
1050
00:53:28,291 --> 00:53:29,792
The pillows, the steam shower,
1051
00:53:29,875 --> 00:53:31,000
the free porn,
1052
00:53:31,083 --> 00:53:33,833
and these fluffy
pancakes. Oh, my God.
1053
00:53:33,916 --> 00:53:35,833
What do you say you
and I go on a tour
1054
00:53:35,916 --> 00:53:38,458
-and I show you what we're all about?
-Mmm...
1055
00:53:38,541 --> 00:53:41,333
I'll make sure there's a fresh stack
waiting for you when we get back.
1056
00:53:41,416 --> 00:53:42,625
All right.
1057
00:53:44,208 --> 00:53:45,500
Slippers on?
1058
00:53:45,583 --> 00:53:48,042
And why don't you throw
on some underpants, too?
1059
00:53:48,125 --> 00:53:49,625
[man 1] It's all right, Happy.
1060
00:53:49,708 --> 00:53:51,541
[man 2] Hey, Happy. Remember me?
1061
00:53:53,041 --> 00:53:55,625
{\an8}My dad used to be your boss
when you worked in construction.
1062
00:53:55,708 --> 00:53:57,375
I'm truly proud of you.
1063
00:53:57,458 --> 00:54:00,125
Hey, thanks a lot, Mr. Larson.
1064
00:54:00,750 --> 00:54:04,042
{\an8}Drago Larson.
Little Drago Larson?
1065
00:54:04,125 --> 00:54:06,417
Hell yeah! My God!
1066
00:54:06,500 --> 00:54:09,958
I always felt bad about what I did
to Daddy and the whole nail thing.
1067
00:54:10,041 --> 00:54:11,500
Actually, after
he got it removed,
1068
00:54:11,583 --> 00:54:13,792
he kind of missed it,
so he had it put back.
1069
00:54:13,875 --> 00:54:15,458
Oh, okay.
1070
00:54:15,541 --> 00:54:17,417
He passed away a few years ago.
1071
00:54:17,500 --> 00:54:19,250
I'm so sorry. What happened?
1072
00:54:19,333 --> 00:54:21,125
He rolled over in his sleep.
1073
00:54:21,208 --> 00:54:22,333
Oh, yeah.
1074
00:54:22,416 --> 00:54:25,833
At least I still have Mom.
Every boy needs his mom.
1075
00:54:26,541 --> 00:54:28,833
-Yeah.
-Happy have five kids, Mom.
1076
00:54:28,916 --> 00:54:31,416
Oh, tell your wife
Happy Mother's Day.
1077
00:54:32,416 --> 00:54:34,000
His wife passed away.
1078
00:54:34,708 --> 00:54:37,208
Oh, I'm so sorry, sweetheart.
1079
00:54:37,291 --> 00:54:39,417
Why didn't you tell me, Jerko?
1080
00:54:39,500 --> 00:54:41,708
Mommy, don't hit me.
Mommy, don't hit me.
1081
00:54:41,791 --> 00:54:43,375
Which club do you prefer, sir?
1082
00:54:43,458 --> 00:54:44,583
[man 3] Let's go, Gilmore!
1083
00:54:44,666 --> 00:54:48,541
-Give me... Let me have a wedge.
-[crowd murmuring]
1084
00:54:51,875 --> 00:54:53,166
[man 4] Let's go, Happy.
1085
00:54:54,041 --> 00:54:56,625
-Every boy needs a mom.
-But we don't have one.
1086
00:54:56,708 --> 00:54:58,042
[man 4] You got it, Happy.
1087
00:54:58,125 --> 00:54:59,583
-You can make it.
-You got this.
1088
00:54:59,666 --> 00:55:01,208
[man 4] Do it. Come on.
1089
00:55:04,500 --> 00:55:08,416
-[thuds]
-[crowd murmuring, exclaiming] Oh!
1090
00:55:09,291 --> 00:55:10,791
I gotta go to the bathroom.
1091
00:55:13,875 --> 00:55:15,917
[Frank] You came at a
very special moment.
1092
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:17,125
Change is in the air.
1093
00:55:17,208 --> 00:55:18,458
What change is that?
1094
00:55:18,541 --> 00:55:21,000
Golf. New and improved.
1095
00:55:22,416 --> 00:55:24,292
Gilmore must love all this.
1096
00:55:24,375 --> 00:55:26,875
I wouldn't know. Happy
Gilmore's a broken man.
1097
00:55:27,583 --> 00:55:28,542
A broken man?
1098
00:55:28,625 --> 00:55:30,958
Yeah, ever since the
loss of his wife.
1099
00:55:31,041 --> 00:55:33,167
Wait, Virginia Venit?
1100
00:55:33,250 --> 00:55:34,625
Is that what her name was?
1101
00:55:35,375 --> 00:55:36,250
Oh, man.
1102
00:55:36,333 --> 00:55:38,000
[exhales heavily]
1103
00:55:38,583 --> 00:55:40,291
[automated voice]
Fart recognized.
1104
00:55:42,458 --> 00:55:43,875
All right, come on in.
1105
00:55:43,958 --> 00:55:46,083
[Verne] Our current
leader, Happy Gilmore,
1106
00:55:46,166 --> 00:55:49,333
has been in the restroom
for an unusually long time.
1107
00:55:49,416 --> 00:55:52,250
[melancholy music plays]
1108
00:56:32,208 --> 00:56:33,875
Let's play some golf.
1109
00:56:36,041 --> 00:56:39,208
[Verne] Billy Jenkins is
playing an inspired round.
1110
00:56:40,458 --> 00:56:44,083
{\an8}Meanwhile, Happy Gilmore is
struggling to keep it in the fairway.
1111
00:56:44,166 --> 00:56:47,041
-[crowd exclaiming]
-[whines]
1112
00:56:47,666 --> 00:56:49,250
[Happy] Cart path.
1113
00:56:51,750 --> 00:56:53,500
Wanna sip of my 3-wood?
1114
00:56:53,583 --> 00:56:55,541
-No, gracias.
-Okay.
1115
00:56:59,791 --> 00:57:01,333
You scratch it, I hurt you.
1116
00:57:01,416 --> 00:57:04,125
[gasps, laughs]
1117
00:57:04,208 --> 00:57:06,125
Thank you, Jesus!
1118
00:57:06,833 --> 00:57:08,042
{\an8}[Gary] Plenty golf to be played.
1119
00:57:08,125 --> 00:57:10,250
Happy, what does
Mother's Day mean to you?
1120
00:57:10,333 --> 00:57:13,750
Can you suck my white ass, Gary?
Just suck the entire thing?
1121
00:57:16,416 --> 00:57:17,416
Psycho.
1122
00:57:23,375 --> 00:57:24,375
{\an8}[crowd exclaim] Oh.
1123
00:57:24,458 --> 00:57:28,250
[Verne] And it has all fallen
apart for Happy Gilmore...
1124
00:57:28,333 --> 00:57:32,167
Happy's... wasted!
1125
00:57:32,250 --> 00:57:35,792
{\an8}...who is staggering,
literally, to the finish.
1126
00:57:35,875 --> 00:57:37,667
[beeps, unlocks]
1127
00:57:37,750 --> 00:57:41,708
What I'm about to show you is
the foundation of Maxi Golf.
1128
00:57:44,916 --> 00:57:47,166
[Shooter] An X-ray from 1957.
1129
00:57:47,916 --> 00:57:48,917
Who's Ben Daggett?
1130
00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:53,541
He's the only guy who could hit it
farther than Happy Octavius Gilmore.
1131
00:57:54,791 --> 00:57:56,333
[Shooter] How come I
never heard of him?
1132
00:57:56,416 --> 00:57:58,708
[Frank] Well, he was a degenerate.
Couldn't putt for shit.
1133
00:57:58,791 --> 00:58:01,292
Just drove around the
country in the 1950s,
1134
00:58:01,375 --> 00:58:03,500
dominating long drive contests.
1135
00:58:03,583 --> 00:58:06,625
They say he could carry
the ball 500 yards.
1136
00:58:06,708 --> 00:58:09,917
One day, one of the mobsters
who he owed some money to
1137
00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:12,500
took a golf shoe and shoved
it right up Ben's ass.
1138
00:58:13,333 --> 00:58:15,666
And that's where
this X-ray was taken.
1139
00:58:18,041 --> 00:58:20,167
Do you see anything
unusual here?
1140
00:58:20,250 --> 00:58:23,875
Well, there appears to be a
shoe up his rectal region.
1141
00:58:23,958 --> 00:58:26,167
That's true. But see that?
1142
00:58:26,250 --> 00:58:29,667
That's the iliolumbar ligament.
Why is it in two pieces?
1143
00:58:29,750 --> 00:58:32,125
Let me guess. Shoe up the ass?
1144
00:58:32,208 --> 00:58:33,625
-No.
-No?
1145
00:58:33,708 --> 00:58:35,667
This happened much
earlier in his life.
1146
00:58:35,750 --> 00:58:38,917
Turns out Daggett severed it in
a childhood go-kart accident.
1147
00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:41,708
The separation of the ligament
from when he was a kid
1148
00:58:41,791 --> 00:58:44,542
increased Daggett's range
of motion in his hips,
1149
00:58:44,625 --> 00:58:46,750
dramatically improving
the amount of torque
1150
00:58:46,833 --> 00:58:49,125
and club speed that
he could generate.
1151
00:58:51,500 --> 00:58:53,625
That's why he could hit it
so far. Because of the shoe.
1152
00:58:53,708 --> 00:58:56,208
Will you stop with the shoe?
We're done with the shoe.
1153
00:58:56,291 --> 00:58:59,375
It was a go-kart accident
that severed the ligament
1154
00:58:59,458 --> 00:59:01,791
and turned him into a
long-ball-hitting freak.
1155
00:59:02,333 --> 00:59:04,208
And all those golfers outside?
1156
00:59:04,291 --> 00:59:06,875
We snipped their
iliolumbar ligaments, too.
1157
00:59:06,958 --> 00:59:10,083
That's cheating. Who would
agree to a surgery like that?
1158
00:59:10,791 --> 00:59:13,333
[Frank] Journeymen... who
were good enough for the pros
1159
00:59:13,416 --> 00:59:15,666
{\an8}but could never figure out
how to beat the legends.
1160
00:59:18,958 --> 00:59:20,750
[crowd exclaiming]
1161
00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:23,625
[crowd applauding]
1162
00:59:23,708 --> 00:59:27,791
It's all in the hips,
Grandpa. It's all in the hips.
1163
00:59:29,666 --> 00:59:32,000
Shooter, I want you to be
the captain of the Maxi team.
1164
00:59:32,083 --> 00:59:33,292
Hmm.
1165
00:59:33,375 --> 00:59:35,833
-Thank you so much.
-Absolutely, Mr. Manatee.
1166
00:59:35,916 --> 00:59:37,750
Pancakes next time.
1167
00:59:37,833 --> 00:59:40,291
And I haven't even showed
you the best part yet.
1168
00:59:43,625 --> 00:59:46,083
18 holes? Boring.
1169
00:59:46,166 --> 00:59:47,625
We do seven holes.
1170
00:59:48,208 --> 00:59:50,833
Slow play? [scoffs]
We got shot clocks.
1171
00:59:50,916 --> 00:59:53,042
My God, this is obscene.
1172
00:59:53,125 --> 00:59:55,125
It's a lot to take in. I get it.
1173
00:59:55,208 --> 00:59:58,000
I will never have anything
to do with this...
1174
00:59:59,250 --> 01:00:00,958
This abomination.
1175
01:00:01,041 --> 01:00:04,041
You know, Shooter, it wasn't
very easy to get you released.
1176
01:00:04,833 --> 01:00:07,583
But it'd be pretty damn
easy to get you recommitted.
1177
01:00:07,666 --> 01:00:08,917
Yeah?
1178
01:00:09,000 --> 01:00:11,292
[gasps] Damn, that's hot.
1179
01:00:11,375 --> 01:00:13,333
-I was told you liked it hot.
-Do you?
1180
01:00:13,416 --> 01:00:16,500
-[yells]
-[yelps, screams]
1181
01:00:17,083 --> 01:00:18,750
[laughing]
1182
01:00:18,833 --> 01:00:22,375
-[shattering]
-[screaming]
1183
01:00:22,458 --> 01:00:25,458
[continues screaming]
1184
01:00:27,541 --> 01:00:30,416
My eye! [screaming]
1185
01:00:32,833 --> 01:00:36,667
{\an8}Yesterday, Happy Gilmore had the
entire sports world rooting for him,
1186
01:00:36,750 --> 01:00:40,208
{\an8}and then he took all that good
will and basically set it on fire.
1187
01:00:40,291 --> 01:00:42,542
{\an8}-Go to your happy place!
-[Happy] No!
1188
01:00:42,625 --> 01:00:45,458
[Pat] He also lost out on
playing against the Maxi League
1189
01:00:45,541 --> 01:00:48,000
as he finds himself with
a sixth-place finish.
1190
01:00:48,083 --> 01:00:50,792
And so it is Jenkins who
will lead the five-man team
1191
01:00:50,875 --> 01:00:55,375
against the upstart Maxi
League, or... so we thought.
1192
01:00:55,458 --> 01:00:57,417
Sorry to pee in your
punch bowl, folks,
1193
01:00:57,500 --> 01:01:01,833
but I am actually a proud
member of the Maxi Golf League.
1194
01:01:01,916 --> 01:01:04,542
Bye-bye, regular golf. Bye-bye.
1195
01:01:04,625 --> 01:01:06,583
{\an8}That's right. Billy's
part of a new league
1196
01:01:06,666 --> 01:01:09,417
where we hit longer, look
cooler, and party harder.
1197
01:01:09,500 --> 01:01:11,917
And the best part is,
our guys are "Maxi Good."
1198
01:01:12,000 --> 01:01:13,292
-Give me the jacket.
-[coughs]
1199
01:01:13,375 --> 01:01:15,458
[Stephen] My sources
in the DA's office say
1200
01:01:15,541 --> 01:01:17,292
Gilmore's actions
violated a plea agreement,
1201
01:01:17,375 --> 01:01:20,500
relating to his drunken golf
cart crash earlier this year,
1202
01:01:20,583 --> 01:01:24,042
and that he only avoided arrests due
to an ally causing a distraction.
1203
01:01:24,125 --> 01:01:26,458
[Drago groaning]
1204
01:01:26,541 --> 01:01:29,667
Hey, Drago, you forgot
your underpants, Jerko!
1205
01:01:29,750 --> 01:01:32,542
Gilmore is now facing six
years in state prison,
1206
01:01:32,625 --> 01:01:35,833
but I hope the authorities will
deliver justice to golf fans
1207
01:01:35,916 --> 01:01:42,125
by sentencing him to the electric chair,
which at this point, he richly deserves.
1208
01:01:57,125 --> 01:02:00,167
{\an8}[Shooter] Oh, Virginia, I'm
sorry you're no longer with us.
1209
01:02:00,250 --> 01:02:02,542
You were a woman working
in a man's league.
1210
01:02:02,625 --> 01:02:05,375
I bet that wasn't easy. Huh?
1211
01:02:06,166 --> 01:02:11,208
{\an8}Yeah. I guess I should also apologize
for asking you to get me a Pepsi.
1212
01:02:11,291 --> 01:02:12,291
{\an8}[Happy] Diet.
1213
01:02:16,333 --> 01:02:17,375
Gilmore.
1214
01:02:18,125 --> 01:02:19,792
Shooter McGavin.
1215
01:02:19,875 --> 01:02:25,708
Last time I saw you, you were running
away in slow motion with my gold jacket.
1216
01:02:25,791 --> 01:02:27,208
That was my jacket!
1217
01:02:27,291 --> 01:02:30,625
Take it. I've got five others.
1218
01:02:31,750 --> 01:02:33,000
[exhales in frustration]
1219
01:02:33,583 --> 01:02:35,958
God! You would never have
won them if I wasn't...
1220
01:02:36,041 --> 01:02:38,250
What? In the loony bin?
1221
01:02:38,916 --> 01:02:40,667
You stole my life from me.
1222
01:02:40,750 --> 01:02:44,500
Now, why would I want to
steal the life of somebody
1223
01:02:45,416 --> 01:02:48,250
who eats pieces of shit...
1224
01:02:48,333 --> 01:02:51,083
-Oh, you...
-...for breakfast?
1225
01:02:51,166 --> 01:02:53,583
[chuckles, yells]
1226
01:02:55,250 --> 01:02:58,500
{\an8}-[both groaning]
-[grunts]
1227
01:02:59,375 --> 01:03:02,333
{\an8}Game over, bitch. [choking]
1228
01:03:04,625 --> 01:03:05,542
-Come on.
-Okay.
1229
01:03:05,625 --> 01:03:07,500
-Let's go.
-We're gonna fist fight?
1230
01:03:07,583 --> 01:03:08,583
-Want this?
-Yeah.
1231
01:03:08,666 --> 01:03:10,875
You sure you want that? Come on.
1232
01:03:10,958 --> 01:03:13,166
[both grunting]
1233
01:03:18,625 --> 01:03:19,625
{\an8}Come here, now.
1234
01:03:20,708 --> 01:03:22,333
[pants] That was
for you, Grandma.
1235
01:03:22,416 --> 01:03:24,500
{\an8}I am so sorry I lost
the house again.
1236
01:03:24,583 --> 01:03:25,833
{\an8}-Truly.
-Hi, Grandma.
1237
01:03:25,916 --> 01:03:28,375
-Don't you ever talk to my grandma!
-[yells]
1238
01:03:28,458 --> 01:03:29,750
{\an8}[grunts] Come on.
1239
01:03:31,125 --> 01:03:33,083
-[yells] Jackass!
-[groans]
1240
01:03:37,500 --> 01:03:40,666
[both panting]
1241
01:03:44,583 --> 01:03:45,958
That was round one.
1242
01:03:46,041 --> 01:03:49,416
We are done, son. You can
tell everybody you won.
1243
01:03:50,500 --> 01:03:53,583
Should I put my hair
in a bun just for fun?
1244
01:03:53,666 --> 01:03:56,708
And play one-on-one
with Attila the Hun?
1245
01:03:56,791 --> 01:03:59,625
-Oh, boy. That was good. Round two.
-[groans]
1246
01:04:00,208 --> 01:04:01,750
Okay. We're even.
1247
01:04:01,833 --> 01:04:03,541
Come on. You love this.
1248
01:04:04,416 --> 01:04:06,750
-Get up. Absolutely.
-Thanks, man.
1249
01:04:06,833 --> 01:04:10,375
Okay. Hey. Are your hip
ligaments cut in half?
1250
01:04:11,458 --> 01:04:12,375
I don't think so.
1251
01:04:12,458 --> 01:04:14,833
Anyone ever stick
a shoe up your ass?
1252
01:04:14,916 --> 01:04:16,583
Not that I can recollect.
1253
01:04:16,666 --> 01:04:18,792
You realize these are
strange questions?
1254
01:04:18,875 --> 01:04:22,167
Apparently, if a certain hip
ligament is not attached,
1255
01:04:22,250 --> 01:04:23,708
you can hit the ball farther.
1256
01:04:23,791 --> 01:04:28,125
Oh. No. I always powered my drives
the old-fashioned way. With rage.
1257
01:04:28,208 --> 01:04:29,333
Yeah.
1258
01:04:29,416 --> 01:04:31,708
You want to get out of these
pajamas? I live around here.
1259
01:04:31,791 --> 01:04:32,916
Yeah, thanks.
1260
01:04:33,541 --> 01:04:39,041
{\an8}Mister! Mister!
Get me outta here!
1261
01:04:43,375 --> 01:04:44,416
[yelps]
1262
01:04:45,041 --> 01:04:47,333
They issued a warrant
for your arrest, Dad.
1263
01:04:47,416 --> 01:04:49,250
[Wayne] Yeah, hide
in the basement.
1264
01:04:49,333 --> 01:04:51,375
I should just turn myself
in. Get it over with.
1265
01:04:51,458 --> 01:04:54,458
-We'll ask the lawyer when he gets here.
-You hired a lawyer?
1266
01:04:54,541 --> 01:04:56,750
Okay. How do I look?
1267
01:04:57,250 --> 01:04:59,208
[Bobby] You look
like my frickin' dad.
1268
01:04:59,291 --> 01:05:00,333
[chuckles] Yeah.
1269
01:05:00,416 --> 01:05:03,000
At least I'm not wearing that
ridiculous Bruins jersey.
1270
01:05:03,083 --> 01:05:03,958
Uh-oh.
1271
01:05:04,041 --> 01:05:06,333
[all shouting indistinctly]
1272
01:05:06,416 --> 01:05:07,542
Okay.
1273
01:05:07,625 --> 01:05:09,292
-[knock on door]
-[shouting stops]
1274
01:05:09,375 --> 01:05:10,416
Okay, get the door.
1275
01:05:14,541 --> 01:05:18,375
Mr. Gilmore.
Mr. McGavin. John Daly.
1276
01:05:18,458 --> 01:05:20,583
-Nice to see you again.
-[snores]
1277
01:05:20,666 --> 01:05:23,292
You're the lawyer? I thought
you were the IRS guy.
1278
01:05:23,375 --> 01:05:26,333
I was, but I got tired
of everybody hating me
1279
01:05:26,416 --> 01:05:28,625
and occasionally being
thrown through a glass door.
1280
01:05:28,708 --> 01:05:29,958
You hate me, don't you?
1281
01:05:31,541 --> 01:05:33,000
[grunting]
1282
01:05:34,083 --> 01:05:36,125
-Right.
-So, I went to law school.
1283
01:05:36,916 --> 01:05:40,167
You didn't want to be hated
anymore, so you became a lawyer?
1284
01:05:40,250 --> 01:05:41,250
[all laughing]
1285
01:05:41,333 --> 01:05:43,292
-[Happy] That's funny.
-Lawyers are snobs.
1286
01:05:43,375 --> 01:05:44,875
-Pieces of shit.
-Pieces of shit.
1287
01:05:45,708 --> 01:05:47,500
Let's sit. Lots to talk about.
1288
01:05:47,583 --> 01:05:49,916
{\an8}Let me just have
a little shower...
1289
01:05:50,583 --> 01:05:52,333
This girl's got
some body on her.
1290
01:05:52,416 --> 01:05:56,333
Hey, we do not
objectify women anymore.
1291
01:05:57,625 --> 01:05:58,500
-[squirt]
-What?
1292
01:05:58,583 --> 01:06:03,250
Okay, great. Uh, looks like the DA
has withdrawn the arrest warrant.
1293
01:06:03,333 --> 01:06:04,208
What?
1294
01:06:04,291 --> 01:06:06,542
Even though you appeared
to some onlookers
1295
01:06:06,625 --> 01:06:08,375
to be inebriated
at the tournament,
1296
01:06:08,458 --> 01:06:10,125
you weren't administered
an alcohol test.
1297
01:06:10,208 --> 01:06:12,125
-And... I have better news.
-[Happy] Yes?
1298
01:06:12,208 --> 01:06:14,125
You came in sixth
at that tournament.
1299
01:06:14,208 --> 01:06:17,083
That's right. I forgot about
that. How much did I win?
1300
01:06:17,166 --> 01:06:18,833
Uh, $496,000.
1301
01:06:18,916 --> 01:06:20,208
-Oh, my God!
-No way!
1302
01:06:20,291 --> 01:06:21,916
-No! What?
-Holy shit!
1303
01:06:23,000 --> 01:06:24,000
[Happy] Baby! Yay!
1304
01:06:24,083 --> 01:06:25,750
Now you're really gonna hate me.
1305
01:06:25,833 --> 01:06:30,958
The tour is fining you
$500,000 for bad behavior.
1306
01:06:31,041 --> 01:06:33,875
So he lost $37,000?
1307
01:06:33,958 --> 01:06:35,458
No. It's $33,000, Dad.
1308
01:06:35,541 --> 01:06:38,958
It's $4,000, you buffoons.
How is that good news?
1309
01:06:39,041 --> 01:06:42,250
Well, you came in sixth, but
the winner, Billy Jenkins,
1310
01:06:42,333 --> 01:06:45,750
opted out of the tour team because
he's playing for the bad guys.
1311
01:06:45,833 --> 01:06:47,125
So you made the team.
1312
01:06:47,208 --> 01:06:49,208
-Dad, that's great!
-Whoa! Okay, Pop.
1313
01:06:49,291 --> 01:06:51,542
They don't want
me. I'm a disgrace.
1314
01:06:51,625 --> 01:06:53,208
A freaking embarrassment.
1315
01:06:53,291 --> 01:06:55,250
Let's go outside,
Dad, for a second.
1316
01:06:56,000 --> 01:06:57,000
Next.
1317
01:07:00,625 --> 01:07:04,292
Well, Shooter, due to
Mr. Manatee's sworn statement,
1318
01:07:04,375 --> 01:07:08,500
you are now technically an
escapee from a mental institution.
1319
01:07:08,583 --> 01:07:11,042
[laughs] Welcome to the club.
1320
01:07:11,125 --> 01:07:12,125
[squirts]
1321
01:07:12,916 --> 01:07:15,833
Dad, it doesn't matter if you
play for that team or not.
1322
01:07:15,916 --> 01:07:17,292
You have to stop drinking.
1323
01:07:17,375 --> 01:07:18,458
I did. It's just...
1324
01:07:18,541 --> 01:07:21,167
Just nothing. You gotta
find peace somehow.
1325
01:07:21,250 --> 01:07:23,250
There's no peace. I...
1326
01:07:23,333 --> 01:07:25,083
The reason I joined
that tour again
1327
01:07:25,166 --> 01:07:28,125
was to get you the future you
deserve, and I lost $4,000.
1328
01:07:28,208 --> 01:07:30,958
You think if you made that money
I could leave you like this?
1329
01:07:31,041 --> 01:07:33,458
It's not your job to take
care of me. I told you.
1330
01:07:33,541 --> 01:07:36,208
-Of course it is. We're family.
-You're stuck with us.
1331
01:07:36,291 --> 01:07:37,417
Yeah, come on, Dad.
1332
01:07:37,500 --> 01:07:39,458
I don't want you to
be stuck with me.
1333
01:07:39,541 --> 01:07:41,166
You didn't do nothing
wrong. It's me.
1334
01:07:41,916 --> 01:07:43,791
I think this person could help.
1335
01:07:47,791 --> 01:07:50,875
Hey, you gotta put a
little mustard on that ball
1336
01:07:50,958 --> 01:07:55,208
so it doesn't get stuck where
the pirate hide his, uh, uh...
1337
01:07:55,291 --> 01:07:56,500
booty and shit.
1338
01:07:56,583 --> 01:07:58,083
The hold?
1339
01:07:58,166 --> 01:08:00,875
Yeah, the hold.
Get at it, kiddies.
1340
01:08:00,958 --> 01:08:03,542
-Thank you!
-Are you Slim Peterson?
1341
01:08:03,625 --> 01:08:05,167
That's what they call me.
1342
01:08:05,250 --> 01:08:08,250
Your dad Chubbs was my teacher.
My name's Happy Gilmore...
1343
01:08:08,333 --> 01:08:09,625
I know who you are.
1344
01:08:09,708 --> 01:08:15,292
Hey, you gotta hit it under the octopus
and bank it off one of his leg things.
1345
01:08:15,375 --> 01:08:16,375
The tentacles?
1346
01:08:16,458 --> 01:08:18,625
Yeah, testicles. Now,
what was you saying?
1347
01:08:18,708 --> 01:08:20,917
[Happy] I need to talk
to you for a few minutes.
1348
01:08:21,000 --> 01:08:23,583
Damn, mosquitoes.
They everywhere.
1349
01:08:23,666 --> 01:08:25,083
-What...
-Look at them.
1350
01:08:26,625 --> 01:08:27,625
Alligator?
1351
01:08:27,708 --> 01:08:30,125
No, vending machine. I
didn't have enough change.
1352
01:08:30,208 --> 01:08:33,166
Had to reach up there to get my
Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies.
1353
01:08:33,750 --> 01:08:37,250
Man, looking at you just
reminded me of what I did to you.
1354
01:08:37,333 --> 01:08:38,500
What'd you do to me?
1355
01:08:38,583 --> 01:08:41,125
What I did to my own
kids. Stole a parent.
1356
01:08:41,208 --> 01:08:43,292
Man, you gotta forgive
yourself for that.
1357
01:08:43,375 --> 01:08:44,500
[Happy] Don't want to.
1358
01:08:44,583 --> 01:08:46,417
I didn't want to
forgive you either,
1359
01:08:46,500 --> 01:08:48,625
because it was
easier to hate you
1360
01:08:48,708 --> 01:08:51,916
than to deal with the fact that
my daddy wasn't coming back.
1361
01:08:52,583 --> 01:08:56,125
It's kind of like I was
using hate to keep him alive.
1362
01:08:56,208 --> 01:08:59,458
But once I forgave you,
I became myself again.
1363
01:08:59,541 --> 01:09:02,458
And that's who I knew my
daddy wanted me to be.
1364
01:09:05,416 --> 01:09:09,292
[sighs] You loved your
wife. You loved my dad.
1365
01:09:09,375 --> 01:09:11,292
And they loved you, period.
1366
01:09:11,375 --> 01:09:14,167
You know what else
they loved? Golf.
1367
01:09:14,250 --> 01:09:15,708
Oh, my God, yeah.
1368
01:09:15,791 --> 01:09:17,375
I talked to your little girl,
1369
01:09:17,458 --> 01:09:20,208
and she said you got a chance
to save the whole sport
1370
01:09:20,291 --> 01:09:22,792
by playing against
some clown league?
1371
01:09:22,875 --> 01:09:26,125
Yeah, well, why don't you
go kick some bozo ass then?
1372
01:09:26,208 --> 01:09:27,666
Let's do it for them.
1373
01:09:30,208 --> 01:09:31,917
I am so sorry.
1374
01:09:32,000 --> 01:09:34,167
Boy, why you had to
squeeze it like that?
1375
01:09:34,250 --> 01:09:36,083
I will throw these out. I can...
1376
01:09:36,166 --> 01:09:38,167
Give them here. I got
some Gorilla Glue.
1377
01:09:38,250 --> 01:09:39,667
Yeah, love you, buddy.
1378
01:09:39,750 --> 01:09:41,708
Yeah, man, thank
you for stopping by.
1379
01:09:43,583 --> 01:09:46,167
You know, we could
use some help.
1380
01:09:46,250 --> 01:09:50,875
Oh, about time somebody
recognized my genius. Say less.
1381
01:09:50,958 --> 01:09:52,167
Okay, okay.
1382
01:09:52,250 --> 01:09:53,875
Where do you think
you're going, Slim?
1383
01:09:53,958 --> 01:09:55,958
I'm going to help
save golf, Charley.
1384
01:09:56,041 --> 01:09:59,958
If you leave now, you ain't ever
coming back, you big pork chop.
1385
01:10:00,041 --> 01:10:04,125
Damn straight I ain't never coming
back, you fine-ass English hillbilly.
1386
01:10:04,875 --> 01:10:06,125
[Doug] Welcome, gentlemen.
1387
01:10:06,208 --> 01:10:09,542
You are the five golfers
who will represent our tour
1388
01:10:09,625 --> 01:10:12,541
in the grudge match
against the Maxi League.
1389
01:10:13,125 --> 01:10:16,292
I don't have to tell you how
important it is that we beat them.
1390
01:10:16,375 --> 01:10:20,666
And here to talk about how we're going
to accomplish that is Shooter McGavin.
1391
01:10:22,083 --> 01:10:24,083
Thank you, Doug. I'll
take it from here.
1392
01:10:25,291 --> 01:10:27,166
I want to talk to
you about pressure.
1393
01:10:27,958 --> 01:10:31,333
Now, as the most successful
golfer of the '90s,
1394
01:10:31,958 --> 01:10:34,583
I've faced my share, believe me,
1395
01:10:34,666 --> 01:10:37,542
but nothing like my
30 years in the can.
1396
01:10:37,625 --> 01:10:41,125
And if I let my guard down
there for a nanosecond...
1397
01:10:41,833 --> 01:10:43,000
-Stab!
-[gasps]
1398
01:10:43,541 --> 01:10:46,166
I got a shiv in my guts.
1399
01:10:46,916 --> 01:10:49,750
Anyway, I hear you guys all
have ice water in your veins.
1400
01:10:49,833 --> 01:10:53,458
Well, I reviewed the footage
and I ain't seeing it.
1401
01:10:53,541 --> 01:10:55,708
-Man, what's happening right now?
-Uh...
1402
01:10:55,791 --> 01:10:57,000
Bryson DeChambeau.
1403
01:10:58,125 --> 01:11:01,042
{\an8}2022 Portland Open. Eighth hole.
1404
01:11:01,125 --> 01:11:02,750
You got a two-stroke lead.
1405
01:11:02,833 --> 01:11:06,125
You got an opportunity to pull
way ahead and... [clicks tongue]
1406
01:11:07,333 --> 01:11:08,833
-[crowd] Aw!
-What?
1407
01:11:10,458 --> 01:11:11,583
Huh?
1408
01:11:12,541 --> 01:11:13,791
Oops.
1409
01:11:14,500 --> 01:11:16,792
Come on. We all miss a
putt every now and then.
1410
01:11:16,875 --> 01:11:18,750
Scottie Scheffler.
1411
01:11:19,708 --> 01:11:20,542
Oh, boy.
1412
01:11:20,625 --> 01:11:22,875
2019 Cadillac Invitational.
1413
01:11:22,958 --> 01:11:25,333
Third hole. You're tied.
Top of the leader board.
1414
01:11:25,416 --> 01:11:28,625
It's Sunday. Pressure's
on. And you...
1415
01:11:30,458 --> 01:11:32,083
{\an8}[crowd exclaim in
disappointment]
1416
01:11:32,166 --> 01:11:33,541
Hmm. Into the woods.
1417
01:11:34,291 --> 01:11:37,125
The woods, Scottie?
Are you afraid to win?
1418
01:11:37,208 --> 01:11:39,250
-What about you?
-What?
1419
01:11:39,333 --> 01:11:42,667
Yeah. 1996 Tour
Championship. Final round.
1420
01:11:42,750 --> 01:11:43,708
Don't do it, boys.
1421
01:11:43,791 --> 01:11:45,500
No. This isn't relevant.
1422
01:11:45,583 --> 01:11:47,417
Four-stroke lead
on the back nine?
1423
01:11:47,500 --> 01:11:49,792
The guy who beat you
got hit by a Volkswagen.
1424
01:11:49,875 --> 01:11:50,833
-Jackass!
-Jackass!
1425
01:11:50,916 --> 01:11:55,292
All right! Maybe I haven't handled
the pressure perfectly myself,
1426
01:11:55,375 --> 01:11:58,292
but I have seen the surgically
modified freaks that you're playing.
1427
01:11:58,375 --> 01:12:01,500
I have seen the monstrosity
they're making you play on.
1428
01:12:01,583 --> 01:12:07,291
And if you can't take the heat,
golf, as we know it, it's finished!
1429
01:12:09,583 --> 01:12:11,083
So let's do this!
1430
01:12:11,166 --> 01:12:12,875
Come on. Let's put them in.
1431
01:12:12,958 --> 01:12:13,958
All right. On three.
1432
01:12:14,041 --> 01:12:15,881
-One, two, three... Shooter!
-[players] Golf!
1433
01:12:21,291 --> 01:12:23,417
Time to prepare for
a moving target.
1434
01:12:23,500 --> 01:12:24,792
The cups are gonna be moving?
1435
01:12:24,875 --> 01:12:27,208
Damn it, Rory. Nothing's
off-limits for these commies.
1436
01:12:27,291 --> 01:12:29,333
-Now, Oscar's cousin...
-Esteban.
1437
01:12:29,416 --> 01:12:33,542
Esteban is fast. And
elusive, I'm told.
1438
01:12:33,625 --> 01:12:35,125
He's gonna start
at the red flag.
1439
01:12:35,208 --> 01:12:38,625
If he makes it to the blue
flag, we haven't done our jobs.
1440
01:12:38,708 --> 01:12:40,208
He's cool with us hitting him?
1441
01:12:40,291 --> 01:12:41,375
Yeah. He's been paid.
1442
01:12:41,458 --> 01:12:44,708
-[shouts in Spanish]
-[in English] What did he say?
1443
01:12:44,791 --> 01:12:46,292
You're never gonna hit him.
1444
01:12:46,375 --> 01:12:47,500
Oh, yeah? How come?
1445
01:12:47,583 --> 01:12:49,417
I'm shifty!
1446
01:12:49,500 --> 01:12:51,792
Okay, he's shifty.
He is. I've seen it.
1447
01:12:51,875 --> 01:12:53,166
[blows whistle]
1448
01:12:53,833 --> 01:12:55,667
♪ Get your biscuits
in the kitchen ♪
1449
01:12:55,750 --> 01:12:57,208
♪ I'm a sous chef on a mission ♪
1450
01:12:57,291 --> 01:12:59,292
♪ Baby, wiggle
it, it's vicious ♪
1451
01:12:59,375 --> 01:13:01,417
♪ We about to break the dishes ♪
1452
01:13:01,500 --> 01:13:03,500
♪ Got the pepper
with the sodium ♪
1453
01:13:03,583 --> 01:13:06,583
♪ We cookin' with petroleum
Come step up to the podium ♪
1454
01:13:06,666 --> 01:13:07,583
It's too easy!
1455
01:13:07,666 --> 01:13:08,792
♪ And cut up this linoleum ♪
1456
01:13:08,875 --> 01:13:10,708
[laughs, groans]
1457
01:13:10,791 --> 01:13:12,125
Yeah!
1458
01:13:12,750 --> 01:13:13,750
You got me! [laughs]
1459
01:13:14,333 --> 01:13:16,375
[in Spanish] Come on,
cousin. You're almost there.
1460
01:13:19,291 --> 01:13:21,666
[grunting]
1461
01:13:23,833 --> 01:13:25,416
[giggling]
1462
01:13:26,708 --> 01:13:28,417
-[groans]
-[whistle blows]
1463
01:13:28,500 --> 01:13:30,625
Okay, stop! We got
him. We got him.
1464
01:13:32,375 --> 01:13:33,375
[yelps]
1465
01:13:33,458 --> 01:13:34,958
I said stop! Who did that?
1466
01:13:38,083 --> 01:13:40,791
[Happy] Oscar. You sicko.
1467
01:13:41,791 --> 01:13:43,542
-So I got a hockey question for you.
-Uh-huh.
1468
01:13:43,625 --> 01:13:45,458
I notice when the players fight,
1469
01:13:45,541 --> 01:13:48,542
one of the guys is always pulling the
jersey over the head of the other guy
1470
01:13:48,625 --> 01:13:50,292
-before he starts pounding on him.
-Right.
1471
01:13:50,375 --> 01:13:51,333
-Yeah.
-Is that hard?
1472
01:13:51,416 --> 01:13:54,333
-No, it's easy. You want me to show you?
-Yes, please.
1473
01:13:54,416 --> 01:13:56,458
Brother. Can I borrow
you for a second?
1474
01:13:56,541 --> 01:13:58,833
Basically all you do
is pull the shirt over.
1475
01:13:58,916 --> 01:14:00,792
This traps the arms. You know?
1476
01:14:00,875 --> 01:14:02,417
-Yeah.
-Knockout. Money.
1477
01:14:02,500 --> 01:14:03,667
-You sure?
-Yeah.
1478
01:14:03,750 --> 01:14:05,250
Okay. How much?
1479
01:14:05,333 --> 01:14:06,583
Fifty.
1480
01:14:06,666 --> 01:14:09,875
Uh, I'll give you a hundred.
Here we go. You know what I mean?
1481
01:14:09,958 --> 01:14:11,000
Yeah. That was nice.
1482
01:14:11,083 --> 01:14:13,708
-Okay. Money.
-Okay. You got it, Scottie. I'm broke.
1483
01:14:13,791 --> 01:14:15,375
-Thank you.
-There you go. Okay.
1484
01:14:15,458 --> 01:14:17,083
Great job, today, by the way.
1485
01:14:17,166 --> 01:14:19,583
-Excellent. Yeah, it's fun.
-Yeah. That was easy.
1486
01:14:19,666 --> 01:14:21,167
I love my job.
1487
01:14:21,250 --> 01:14:25,917
Mini-golf-style putting is about
two things, angles and obstacles.
1488
01:14:26,000 --> 01:14:29,917
If you can read the angles,
you can avoid the obstacles.
1489
01:14:30,000 --> 01:14:32,958
Let's putt so we can
figure those angles out.
1490
01:14:34,041 --> 01:14:35,666
Yes! Scheffler!
1491
01:14:38,291 --> 01:14:40,250
Yeah, you're right.
1492
01:14:40,333 --> 01:14:44,833
One more day before we face these
chumps. This is how I used to toughen up.
1493
01:14:45,458 --> 01:14:46,625
[groans]
1494
01:14:48,166 --> 01:14:50,166
[yelping]
1495
01:14:51,333 --> 01:14:52,250
[grunts]
1496
01:14:52,333 --> 01:14:55,167
[Happy] Oh, my
God, Rory! [laughs]
1497
01:14:55,250 --> 01:14:57,250
Okay, Oscar, let's
see your stuff.
1498
01:14:58,583 --> 01:14:59,583
[grunts softly]
1499
01:15:02,458 --> 01:15:03,458
[exhales]
1500
01:15:06,375 --> 01:15:07,375
[grunts]
1501
01:15:09,166 --> 01:15:10,166
[grunts]
1502
01:15:11,416 --> 01:15:15,416
♪ Sittin' down is stupid
Now let me see you move it ♪
1503
01:15:16,208 --> 01:15:19,375
-[groaning]
-Oh! Do you want bread sticks?
1504
01:15:24,125 --> 01:15:26,625
[Billy] A batting
cage to toughen up?
1505
01:15:26,708 --> 01:15:29,167
I love how much
we're in your head.
1506
01:15:29,250 --> 01:15:31,292
Oh, I think we're in
your head, Brendan.
1507
01:15:31,375 --> 01:15:34,125
Otherwise, you wouldn't be
snooping around and following us.
1508
01:15:34,208 --> 01:15:35,208
My name is Billy.
1509
01:15:35,291 --> 01:15:36,500
Hey, settle down, Barry,
1510
01:15:36,583 --> 01:15:38,875
and get off the electric
Royce. No leaning.
1511
01:15:39,583 --> 01:15:42,708
Look, Happy, I don't want to
have to humiliate you tomorrow.
1512
01:15:43,833 --> 01:15:45,750
You're in the DNA of my league.
1513
01:15:45,833 --> 01:15:47,958
The way you rebelled
against the traditions
1514
01:15:48,041 --> 01:15:50,208
and fussiness of golf,
it was beautiful.
1515
01:15:50,291 --> 01:15:52,917
So I'm gonna offer you one last
chance to be a part of it, okay?
1516
01:15:53,000 --> 01:15:53,833
[Happy] Hell no.
1517
01:15:53,916 --> 01:15:57,375
And you look like Freddy Krueger
worked at Starbucks. Change it.
1518
01:15:58,041 --> 01:15:59,583
I'll give you 10%
of the company.
1519
01:16:01,833 --> 01:16:04,875
I can't believe I'm the one
sticking up for tradition, but...
1520
01:16:04,958 --> 01:16:08,750
My wife liked the way
golf was played, as is.
1521
01:16:08,833 --> 01:16:11,250
And she was pretty much
right about everything.
1522
01:16:11,833 --> 01:16:15,708
So sorry, boys, but tomorrow,
your dumb league is done.
1523
01:16:15,791 --> 01:16:18,708
No, tomorrow, I'm gonna finish
the revolution you started.
1524
01:16:18,791 --> 01:16:20,917
I heard what you said about
my breath to Bubba Watson.
1525
01:16:21,000 --> 01:16:23,583
I have gingivitis.
It's hereditary, okay?
1526
01:16:23,666 --> 01:16:27,083
And I got it from my
great-grandfather. So I'm so sorry.
1527
01:16:27,166 --> 01:16:29,500
I'm literally
smelling it from here.
1528
01:16:29,583 --> 01:16:31,292
And the wind is
blowing that way.
1529
01:16:31,375 --> 01:16:34,125
Something has to change in
your life. I'm telling you.
1530
01:16:38,083 --> 01:16:39,166
{\an8}[blaring]
1531
01:16:41,291 --> 01:16:42,416
{\an8}[blaring stops]
1532
01:16:55,333 --> 01:16:56,333
[Happy] Okay.
1533
01:16:57,458 --> 01:16:58,792
Come here. Bring it in.
1534
01:16:58,875 --> 01:17:01,750
I just wanted to say thank you guys
for always getting me back on track.
1535
01:17:01,833 --> 01:17:03,208
-I love you.
-[Vienna] Love you.
1536
01:17:03,291 --> 01:17:06,667
This ain't about Vivi going to dance
school. It's about saving golf?
1537
01:17:06,750 --> 01:17:08,167
Maybe we can do both,
1538
01:17:08,250 --> 01:17:10,292
but we will figure
that out, I promise.
1539
01:17:10,375 --> 01:17:12,667
Because we're Gilmores, and
we don't know how to stop.
1540
01:17:12,750 --> 01:17:14,417
[Gordy] Hell yeah,
Pop, let's go!
1541
01:17:14,500 --> 01:17:16,792
And don't forget to feed
John Daly three times a day.
1542
01:17:16,875 --> 01:17:17,708
-Okay.
-Got it.
1543
01:17:17,791 --> 01:17:19,333
-Love you guys.
-[Gordy] You heard him.
1544
01:17:19,416 --> 01:17:20,667
Let's do this for Mom.
1545
01:17:20,750 --> 01:17:22,291
-[Bobby] For Mom!
-[Wayne] For Mommy.
1546
01:17:23,041 --> 01:17:24,500
-You got this.
-That's right.
1547
01:17:25,083 --> 01:17:26,667
That's right. She deserves it.
1548
01:17:26,750 --> 01:17:28,958
-[Bobby] Go get 'em, Dad.
-[engine splutters]
1549
01:17:29,041 --> 01:17:30,041
[Gordy] Pop...
1550
01:17:30,958 --> 01:17:31,875
-All right.
-[Terry] Yeah!
1551
01:17:31,958 --> 01:17:33,375
-[Wayne] What's going on?
-Let's go.
1552
01:17:33,458 --> 01:17:34,750
-Go Dad, you got this.
-Go Daddy!
1553
01:17:34,833 --> 01:17:36,583
-What's going on?
-[Happy] Stupid.
1554
01:17:37,291 --> 01:17:39,458
-Damn it.
-Are you kidding me?
1555
01:17:39,541 --> 01:17:42,500
[all grunting, clamoring]
1556
01:17:47,083 --> 01:17:48,167
What are you doing?
1557
01:17:48,250 --> 01:17:49,417
[Terry] What's with this guy?
1558
01:17:49,500 --> 01:17:51,083
What you doing
hitting my dad's car?
1559
01:17:51,166 --> 01:17:53,125
This is a family affair, bro!
1560
01:17:53,208 --> 01:17:56,500
-[indistinct shouting]
-[Happy] Take him down, boys! Let's go!
1561
01:17:56,583 --> 01:17:59,083
-[Bobby] Whoa, whoa, whoa!
-What's he doing?
1562
01:17:59,166 --> 01:18:00,542
Get him!
1563
01:18:00,625 --> 01:18:01,833
Chase him! That's right!
1564
01:18:01,916 --> 01:18:03,875
-[Gordy] Where you going?
-[Bobby] Get him!
1565
01:18:03,958 --> 01:18:05,458
What the hell is happening?
1566
01:18:09,083 --> 01:18:12,375
[Verne] Welcome to an event
unique in the annals of sport.
1567
01:18:13,083 --> 01:18:16,666
A one-time showdown between
golf's greatest players
1568
01:18:17,250 --> 01:18:20,708
{\an8}and the wild upstarts who
seek to supplant them.
1569
01:18:20,791 --> 01:18:22,500
Let's get it on.
1570
01:18:22,583 --> 01:18:25,417
Welcome to the Maxi
Tour Challenge.
1571
01:18:25,500 --> 01:18:29,042
{\an8}I'm Verne Lundquist, along
with my partner, Jack Beard,
1572
01:18:29,125 --> 01:18:32,708
{\an8}and my new partner,
DJ Omar Gosh.
1573
01:18:32,791 --> 01:18:35,208
{\an8}Truly bitching to
be here, Verne.
1574
01:18:35,791 --> 01:18:37,708
[rock music playing]
1575
01:18:37,791 --> 01:18:39,875
[Frank] Ladies and
gentlemen of planet Earth!
1576
01:18:41,333 --> 01:18:44,750
Are you prepared to
have your minds blown?
1577
01:18:44,833 --> 01:18:47,375
[crowd cheering]
1578
01:18:47,958 --> 01:18:51,708
I'm tippy-toeing. I said
I'm tip... Thank you.
1579
01:18:51,791 --> 01:18:56,375
{\an8}I said are you guys ready to see some
golf so exciting your heads will explode?
1580
01:18:56,458 --> 01:18:57,625
Whoo!
1581
01:18:58,416 --> 01:19:00,875
{\an8}[Frank] Here are
the Maxi Golfers!
1582
01:19:00,958 --> 01:19:02,917
{\an8}-[crowd cheering]
-[woman] Go Harley!
1583
01:19:03,000 --> 01:19:04,875
[Frank] We've got Harley...
1584
01:19:05,833 --> 01:19:06,875
Flex!
1585
01:19:07,916 --> 01:19:08,916
Screech!
1586
01:19:09,583 --> 01:19:10,875
8 Ball!
1587
01:19:11,500 --> 01:19:14,958
And Tour Champion Billy Jenkins!
1588
01:19:15,041 --> 01:19:17,750
["Eye Of The Tiger" playing]
1589
01:19:27,625 --> 01:19:29,833
And now let's welcome
their opponents,
1590
01:19:29,916 --> 01:19:32,875
the Basic Vanilla
Regular Golfers.
1591
01:19:32,958 --> 01:19:35,333
-Boo!
-[crowd booing]
1592
01:19:35,416 --> 01:19:37,666
["Goodbye to You" playing]
1593
01:19:38,500 --> 01:19:39,875
♪ Goodbye to you ♪
1594
01:19:41,500 --> 01:19:42,792
♪ Goodbye to you ♪
1595
01:19:42,875 --> 01:19:45,041
Holy shit! Is that
Shooter McGavin?
1596
01:19:45,625 --> 01:19:46,917
[Frank] Look who
decided to show.
1597
01:19:47,000 --> 01:19:48,875
You never finished your
pancakes, by the way.
1598
01:19:48,958 --> 01:19:50,667
You want coffee
in your other eye?
1599
01:19:50,750 --> 01:19:54,208
Ha! Get a furlough from
the Funny Farm, Shitter?
1600
01:19:54,291 --> 01:19:56,708
-Laugh it up Blue Balls.
-It's 8 Ball!
1601
01:19:56,791 --> 01:19:59,333
Your name's Davis Miller. You're
my brother's college roommate.
1602
01:19:59,416 --> 01:20:02,417
It's 8 Ball now! Tell
him I said what's up.
1603
01:20:02,500 --> 01:20:05,333
You guys get these clothes from
the Lost and Found at Comic-Con?
1604
01:20:05,416 --> 01:20:07,833
Did you get these melons
from your mommy? Yeah?
1605
01:20:07,916 --> 01:20:09,750
Don't twist my boy's
titties! Those are mine!
1606
01:20:09,833 --> 01:20:13,417
-Hey, I'll twist your head off, slap-nuts!
-[shouting, clamoring]
1607
01:20:13,500 --> 01:20:15,833
Break it up! All
right, knock it off!
1608
01:20:15,916 --> 01:20:18,542
Golfers, we have a
seven-hole course.
1609
01:20:18,625 --> 01:20:21,917
First up, Mr. Scheffler
going up against Mr. Harley.
1610
01:20:22,000 --> 01:20:25,708
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's play some Maxi Golf!
1611
01:20:25,791 --> 01:20:27,417
[crowd cheering]
1612
01:20:27,500 --> 01:20:31,208
-[John] Let's drink up! Come on, let's go!
-Yeah! All right! Whoo!
1613
01:20:31,291 --> 01:20:32,625
-Here.
-No, I'm good.
1614
01:20:34,500 --> 01:20:35,708
-You got your own.
-Mmm.
1615
01:20:35,791 --> 01:20:37,333
-I want to try that.
-Mmm-mmm.
1616
01:20:38,041 --> 01:20:41,208
[Verne] And so it
begins, hole number one.
1617
01:20:41,291 --> 01:20:43,833
Best of five matches, so we only
gotta win three of them today.
1618
01:20:43,916 --> 01:20:45,708
I say we sweep
these goofy bitches.
1619
01:20:45,791 --> 01:20:47,291
-That's a good idea.
-[Bryson] Yeah.
1620
01:20:50,833 --> 01:20:53,917
The fairway's a forest? I don't
even know where to lay up.
1621
01:20:54,000 --> 01:20:56,167
Or you don't lay-up,
1622
01:20:56,250 --> 01:20:59,833
and you crush the ball
500 yards over the trees.
1623
01:21:09,500 --> 01:21:10,541
Whoa.
1624
01:21:16,000 --> 01:21:19,208
[Verne] And Harley
clears the entire forest.
1625
01:21:19,291 --> 01:21:21,292
[crowd cheering]
1626
01:21:21,375 --> 01:21:24,333
You ain't number one on
this tour, chump. [sniffs]
1627
01:21:25,458 --> 01:21:27,125
You smell like my stepfather.
1628
01:21:28,541 --> 01:21:31,250
Let's go, Scottie. Come on,
now. Let's shake that off.
1629
01:21:31,333 --> 01:21:32,875
[man] You the man, Scottie!
1630
01:21:33,541 --> 01:21:35,208
Miss it! Miss it!
1631
01:21:35,916 --> 01:21:36,916
[sighs]
1632
01:21:39,666 --> 01:21:41,083
[all exclaim]
1633
01:21:44,583 --> 01:21:46,167
[Verne] Quite An
impressive right cross,
1634
01:21:46,250 --> 01:21:49,458
{\an8}but Scottie Scheffler is
going to be disqualified
1635
01:21:49,541 --> 01:21:51,625
{\an8}before ever swinging a club.
1636
01:21:51,708 --> 01:21:54,333
Whoo! That was
some gangster shit.
1637
01:21:54,416 --> 01:21:56,917
Gangster shit indeed.
1638
01:21:57,000 --> 01:21:58,167
There goes the sweep.
1639
01:21:58,250 --> 01:21:59,333
Yeah.
1640
01:22:00,791 --> 01:22:02,583
Oh, no, not again.
1641
01:22:02,666 --> 01:22:04,750
-[officer] Come on.
-[Scottie] I know the drill.
1642
01:22:05,666 --> 01:22:07,417
-Bye-bye!
-Sorry, boys.
1643
01:22:07,500 --> 01:22:09,833
[Happy] We'll take care
of business, all right?
1644
01:22:09,916 --> 01:22:12,958
{\an8}Next on the tee, Rory
McIlroy and Screech.
1645
01:22:13,041 --> 01:22:14,875
[crowd cheering]
1646
01:22:15,458 --> 01:22:17,792
-[chainsaw whirring]
-[laughs]
1647
01:22:17,875 --> 01:22:18,833
Screech?
1648
01:22:18,916 --> 01:22:19,917
They call me Screech
1649
01:22:20,000 --> 01:22:23,833
'cause that's the sound my chainsaw
makes every time I tear up a golf course.
1650
01:22:23,916 --> 01:22:26,083
Isn't Screech a character
in Saved by the Bell?
1651
01:22:27,291 --> 01:22:28,750
I'm not familiar
with that program.
1652
01:22:28,833 --> 01:22:31,042
He was like the comic
relief on the show.
1653
01:22:31,125 --> 01:22:32,917
Yeah, like the white Urkel.
1654
01:22:33,000 --> 01:22:34,875
Nobody cares about
that '90s shit!
1655
01:22:35,791 --> 01:22:36,625
Those guys do.
1656
01:22:36,708 --> 01:22:37,750
I love you, Screech!
1657
01:22:37,833 --> 01:22:41,208
-[cheering]
-[laughs]
1658
01:22:41,791 --> 01:22:43,666
Let's just play Maxi
Golf, all right?
1659
01:22:46,958 --> 01:22:50,333
[Verne] The rest of the Maxi team
has no problem clearing the trees.
1660
01:22:54,541 --> 01:22:56,791
The regular golfers,
not so much.
1661
01:22:57,500 --> 01:23:00,042
-[engines start]
-[caddie] Go, go!
1662
01:23:00,125 --> 01:23:01,583
[Rory] Hold on! I'm speeding!
1663
01:23:01,666 --> 01:23:04,667
[both whoop]
1664
01:23:04,750 --> 01:23:06,791
-There it is! Right there!
-Yeah, okay.
1665
01:23:08,166 --> 01:23:10,000
Oh, my God. There goes the 8.
1666
01:23:10,791 --> 01:23:12,500
[laughing]
1667
01:23:12,583 --> 01:23:13,542
[Happy] Shut up!
1668
01:23:13,625 --> 01:23:15,583
[yells, laughs]
1669
01:23:15,666 --> 01:23:18,125
Here we go! To the right! Whoo!
1670
01:23:18,958 --> 01:23:20,292
[both whooping]
1671
01:23:20,375 --> 01:23:22,000
-[grunts]
-Yeah!
1672
01:23:22,083 --> 01:23:23,958
[8 ball] Looking a
little tired, Bry-Bry.
1673
01:23:24,041 --> 01:23:26,083
You're looking like you
wanna go for a swim, Davis.
1674
01:23:26,166 --> 01:23:28,833
This is the new golf,
Bryson, and it's 8 Ball!
1675
01:23:28,916 --> 01:23:31,500
[cheering]
1676
01:23:37,125 --> 01:23:38,125
Where's my ball?
1677
01:23:38,208 --> 01:23:39,750
Bad shot, Happy.
1678
01:23:39,833 --> 01:23:42,916
This'll make you feel better.
How about you take just a sip?
1679
01:23:47,333 --> 01:23:48,333
[gulps]
1680
01:23:49,208 --> 01:23:52,250
-[burps]
-[chuckles] Wow.
1681
01:23:52,333 --> 01:23:56,083
We're doing a breath contest?
Yeah, I'd walk away too, pal.
1682
01:23:56,166 --> 01:23:58,667
[Verne] McIlroy's tee shot
landed in the right bunker,
1683
01:23:58,750 --> 01:24:02,083
which, like much of this
hole, appears to be on fire.
1684
01:24:04,250 --> 01:24:05,542
[yelps, yells]
1685
01:24:05,625 --> 01:24:06,708
Screech!
1686
01:24:06,791 --> 01:24:08,375
-[both yell]
-[crashes]
1687
01:24:08,458 --> 01:24:09,500
[both cheer]
1688
01:24:10,208 --> 01:24:13,125
[crowd exclaiming, cheering]
1689
01:24:13,208 --> 01:24:14,458
Yeah!
1690
01:24:15,958 --> 01:24:17,666
Viva regular golf!
1691
01:24:19,208 --> 01:24:21,292
Hey, man. I'm gonna
change the channel.
1692
01:24:21,375 --> 01:24:24,000
Frankie, sit your ass
down. We're watching golf.
1693
01:24:24,708 --> 01:24:26,166
All right. I'm sorry.
1694
01:24:28,375 --> 01:24:29,875
Get in the hole.
1695
01:24:32,583 --> 01:24:36,416
-[Verne] Oh! Wow!
- [both laughing]
1696
01:24:37,833 --> 01:24:40,875
-That's what I'm talking about, baby.
-[crowd gasps]
1697
01:24:40,958 --> 01:24:43,375
God damn it, I just washed that.
1698
01:24:43,458 --> 01:24:46,292
[Verne] It seems like nothing
is gonna slow Gilmore down.
1699
01:24:46,375 --> 01:24:49,250
All right. See you try
and beat this one, Happy.
1700
01:24:52,666 --> 01:24:54,083
[man 1] Let's go, Gilmore!
1701
01:24:55,833 --> 01:24:57,416
-[man 2] You jackass.
-What the...
1702
01:24:58,041 --> 01:24:59,292
-[ball splashes]
-[crowd] Oh!
1703
01:24:59,375 --> 01:25:02,458
Are you kidding me right now?
You just cost me the hole, dude!
1704
01:25:02,541 --> 01:25:05,667
[laughing] Happy Gilmore.
1705
01:25:05,750 --> 01:25:07,875
Man, I wish my father
was here to see this.
1706
01:25:07,958 --> 01:25:09,042
Ya jackass.
1707
01:25:09,125 --> 01:25:10,083
Jackass.
1708
01:25:10,166 --> 01:25:11,625
-Jackass!
-[man] There he is.
1709
01:25:11,708 --> 01:25:15,708
Unfortunately... [kisses] ...he's
in the great Sizzler in the sky.
1710
01:25:15,791 --> 01:25:17,917
Know what? I don't
miss that dude at all.
1711
01:25:18,000 --> 01:25:19,792
What are you gonna
do, Happy boy?
1712
01:25:19,875 --> 01:25:23,000
Unless you wanna go to jail,
you can't hit me. Jackass.
1713
01:25:23,083 --> 01:25:24,625
Oh, my goodness!
1714
01:25:24,708 --> 01:25:27,042
Yeah... but we can.
1715
01:25:27,125 --> 01:25:28,042
[Happy] You guys came?
1716
01:25:28,125 --> 01:25:29,625
[Donald Jr.] This your posse?
1717
01:25:29,708 --> 01:25:31,542
-This is what I do.
-Okay, let's see.
1718
01:25:31,625 --> 01:25:33,750
There's only four of you?
Better go get some help!
1719
01:25:34,458 --> 01:25:36,417
-[Happy] Okay. Okay.
-[yells]
1720
01:25:36,500 --> 01:25:39,417
-Come on! Get him up, boys!
-I know a lot about fighting.
1721
01:25:39,500 --> 01:25:42,708
I'll bite your leg off. You
want some smoke? [yelps]
1722
01:25:43,666 --> 01:25:44,417
[laughing]
1723
01:25:44,500 --> 01:25:47,583
[Donald Jr.] This ain't nothing.
Now you got me really pissed.
1724
01:25:47,666 --> 01:25:49,833
Oh, what is this? You
want some of this?
1725
01:25:49,916 --> 01:25:51,125
Look at the gators!
1726
01:25:51,208 --> 01:25:53,875
You brought the
whole family. [yells]
1727
01:25:53,958 --> 01:25:55,125
Oh, my dick!
1728
01:25:55,208 --> 01:25:57,333
Oh! Whoa! Detroit!
1729
01:25:57,416 --> 01:25:58,708
[laughing]
1730
01:25:58,791 --> 01:26:00,500
I just don't give a...
1731
01:26:00,583 --> 01:26:02,208
-[bleeping]
-[muffled shouting]
1732
01:26:02,291 --> 01:26:04,208
[all laughing]
1733
01:26:04,291 --> 01:26:06,208
Put some respect
on my name, bitch.
1734
01:26:06,291 --> 01:26:09,875
-What is he doing to those gators?
-Jackass!
1735
01:26:10,750 --> 01:26:13,791
Well, it looks like we
have our first fatality.
1736
01:26:14,666 --> 01:26:15,958
{\an8}Whoo!
1737
01:26:16,041 --> 01:26:17,542
{\an8}[Verne] If you can believe it,
1738
01:26:17,625 --> 01:26:20,083
{\an8}the Maxi Golfers are
up two matches to one,
1739
01:26:20,166 --> 01:26:21,750
{\an8}which means Koepka and Gilmore
1740
01:26:21,833 --> 01:26:25,667
{\an8}are going to have to win out in
order to defeat the Maxi team.
1741
01:26:25,750 --> 01:26:28,041
{\an8}[woman] All right there,
Flex! Come on, Flex!
1742
01:26:29,250 --> 01:26:31,125
-[ball whizzing]
-[Happy] Boom!
1743
01:26:35,291 --> 01:26:36,833
-[woman] Nice shot, hottie!
-Ooh!
1744
01:26:36,916 --> 01:26:39,000
No pressure, Boobs Getchya.
1745
01:26:39,083 --> 01:26:41,375
[Guy] Next on the
tee, Brooks Koepka.
1746
01:26:41,458 --> 01:26:45,375
[Verne] To me, the smartest play is
to come up short of the icy green
1747
01:26:45,458 --> 01:26:48,125
and give yourself a
chance to chip it in.
1748
01:26:53,500 --> 01:26:55,250
[crowd cheering]
1749
01:26:55,333 --> 01:26:57,333
Yes! Oh, God! [grunts]
1750
01:26:58,583 --> 01:27:00,458
Sorry, guys. I knew I
shouldn't have fist-pumped.
1751
01:27:00,541 --> 01:27:01,917
[Frank] Sucks for you guys.
1752
01:27:02,000 --> 01:27:04,833
-Another disqualification. Game over.
-[team laughing]
1753
01:27:04,916 --> 01:27:09,333
No, wait. In the event of an injury,
we have the right to substitute.
1754
01:27:09,416 --> 01:27:10,625
All right, fine. Fine.
1755
01:27:11,500 --> 01:27:12,500
Who you guys got?
1756
01:27:12,583 --> 01:27:14,333
The one and only.
1757
01:27:15,916 --> 01:27:17,666
[slurping]
1758
01:27:19,750 --> 01:27:20,750
What's that now?
1759
01:27:21,916 --> 01:27:24,583
{\an8}[Verne] And a wild day
just got a bit wilder.
1760
01:27:24,666 --> 01:27:27,375
{\an8}Shooter McGavin will take
over for Brooks Koepka
1761
01:27:27,458 --> 01:27:30,666
{\an8}here on the sixth hole
and the putt from Flex.
1762
01:27:33,541 --> 01:27:35,417
Oh, it's off course.
1763
01:27:35,500 --> 01:27:38,333
-[yelling in anger]
-I think I see an opening.
1764
01:27:38,416 --> 01:27:41,042
Let's go, Scooter!
Clock's a-tickin'!
1765
01:27:41,125 --> 01:27:43,375
This is a joke. I'm not a
competitive golfer anymore.
1766
01:27:43,458 --> 01:27:46,000
What are you talking about? You
still got the shooter in you.
1767
01:27:46,083 --> 01:27:47,583
That guy's long gone, Gilmore.
1768
01:27:47,666 --> 01:27:50,625
No. He's sleeping. It's
time to wake him up.
1769
01:27:50,708 --> 01:27:53,125
Look at these
punks. The B-lists.
1770
01:27:53,208 --> 01:27:55,542
-Never won shit on the real tour.
-[Shooter] Yeah.
1771
01:27:55,625 --> 01:27:57,458
And now they're laughing
at Shooter McGavin,
1772
01:27:57,541 --> 01:28:01,166
the greatest golfer of the
'90s, except for me and Tiger?
1773
01:28:01,833 --> 01:28:05,833
How dare they? How dare
they disrespect you?
1774
01:28:05,916 --> 01:28:07,250
Where should they go?
1775
01:28:08,041 --> 01:28:10,083
-Back.
-Back where?
1776
01:28:10,166 --> 01:28:12,375
-Back to...
-To their what?
1777
01:28:12,458 --> 01:28:14,708
-To their shanties.
-Aha!
1778
01:28:14,791 --> 01:28:16,667
Because this is whose tour?
1779
01:28:16,750 --> 01:28:18,333
It's Shooter's, Shooter's tour.
1780
01:28:18,416 --> 01:28:20,167
-Whose tour?
-It's Shooter's tour!
1781
01:28:20,250 --> 01:28:23,792
-Whose tour?
-It's Shooter's tour, baby!
1782
01:28:23,875 --> 01:28:24,917
[mimicking gunshots]
1783
01:28:25,000 --> 01:28:26,250
Yeah!
1784
01:28:26,333 --> 01:28:28,333
He's got the old
pistols back again.
1785
01:28:28,416 --> 01:28:31,250
-Give the man his lob wedge.
-Oh, I'm feeling it now.
1786
01:28:33,083 --> 01:28:34,708
[Happy] No pressure.
No pressure.
1787
01:28:34,791 --> 01:28:38,000
[Frank] You're not gonna
make it, Shooter. Tick tock.
1788
01:28:40,083 --> 01:28:42,541
{\an8}-Five, four...
-No!
1789
01:28:44,000 --> 01:28:47,792
[Frank] ...three, two, one!
1790
01:28:47,875 --> 01:28:50,958
-[crowd cheering]
-You've got to be kidding me!
1791
01:28:52,625 --> 01:28:53,500
Oh, my God!
1792
01:28:53,583 --> 01:28:55,667
[Verne] Well, how do you do?
1793
01:28:55,750 --> 01:29:00,417
Shooter McGavin jars the cup,
wins the hole and his match.
1794
01:29:00,500 --> 01:29:02,375
[crowd chanting]
Shooter! Shooter!
1795
01:29:02,458 --> 01:29:04,917
Come on now! Choke on that!
1796
01:29:05,000 --> 01:29:08,667
{\an8}[Verne] That leaves us tied
with only Billy Jenkins
1797
01:29:08,750 --> 01:29:11,916
and Happy Gilmore
left to be decided.
1798
01:29:13,708 --> 01:29:17,250
{\an8}And it's come down to
this. The final hole.
1799
01:29:17,333 --> 01:29:20,000
Winner take all. The
shot clocks are off.
1800
01:29:20,083 --> 01:29:21,958
The pressure is on.
1801
01:29:22,041 --> 01:29:25,708
The future of regular
golf hangs in the balance.
1802
01:29:25,791 --> 01:29:28,917
Thousand-yard par four.
That's a little long.
1803
01:29:29,000 --> 01:29:30,541
[Billy] Not for me, big man.
1804
01:29:32,708 --> 01:29:34,458
Yeah. Check this out.
1805
01:29:42,333 --> 01:29:43,458
Hello?
1806
01:29:43,541 --> 01:29:47,125
-Woo-woo! [grunts]
-[whizzing]
1807
01:29:53,625 --> 01:29:56,375
-[crowd cheering]
-[Verne] Whoa!
1808
01:29:56,458 --> 01:30:01,042
That is the longest
drive I have ever seen.
1809
01:30:01,125 --> 01:30:04,541
-Hey, you remember my name now? Bitch.
-[gasps]
1810
01:30:05,958 --> 01:30:07,958
I'd like to forget ever
seeing that hip thing.
1811
01:30:08,041 --> 01:30:09,208
That was disgusting.
1812
01:30:09,291 --> 01:30:11,458
[Verne] Jenkins can be
on the green in two,
1813
01:30:11,541 --> 01:30:15,917
while Gilmore has no hope of getting
on in less than three strokes.
1814
01:30:16,000 --> 01:30:17,583
Verne, that sucks.
1815
01:30:20,000 --> 01:30:22,500
Okay to use that hate
one last time, Slim?
1816
01:30:22,583 --> 01:30:24,708
Yeah, let it all out.
1817
01:30:31,041 --> 01:30:32,666
Ain't no surgery for that.
1818
01:30:36,000 --> 01:30:37,750
[man] Come on, Happy, let's go.
1819
01:30:39,666 --> 01:30:43,583
You never made the Bruins
because you suck at skating.
1820
01:30:43,666 --> 01:30:46,042
You shut your stupid face.
1821
01:30:46,125 --> 01:30:47,292
Who's he talking to?
1822
01:30:47,375 --> 01:30:50,042
Oh! And your daughter's
never going to ballet school
1823
01:30:50,125 --> 01:30:52,208
because her dad's
a washed up drunk.
1824
01:30:52,291 --> 01:30:54,125
I'm gonna kill you!
1825
01:30:54,208 --> 01:30:56,291
[growling angrily]
1826
01:30:58,500 --> 01:30:59,583
Uh-oh.
1827
01:31:00,208 --> 01:31:03,208
-[yells]
-[screaming]
1828
01:31:06,125 --> 01:31:09,083
[screaming, spluttering]
1829
01:31:16,791 --> 01:31:19,250
-[groaning]
-[crowd cheering]
1830
01:31:23,291 --> 01:31:25,750
[high-pitched voice]
Somebody went further.
1831
01:31:25,833 --> 01:31:27,333
Yeah...
1832
01:31:27,416 --> 01:31:30,500
-Bitch!
-[crowd cheering]
1833
01:31:34,458 --> 01:31:36,083
[Verne] Jenkins is first to hit.
1834
01:31:40,250 --> 01:31:42,583
[cheering]
1835
01:31:42,666 --> 01:31:44,166
Yes!
1836
01:31:45,916 --> 01:31:49,833
Oh, and by the way, all
four of your boys are dumb!
1837
01:31:49,916 --> 01:31:51,500
What did you say?
1838
01:31:52,583 --> 01:31:56,375
-[Hal laughs wickedly] Ow! Ooh!
-[crowd] Aw.
1839
01:31:56,458 --> 01:31:58,083
[Billy] Yeah!
1840
01:31:58,666 --> 01:32:01,500
[Verne] I can't believe
there's taxis without drivers,
1841
01:32:01,583 --> 01:32:06,917
AI girlfriends, and now, quite
possibly, the end of traditional golf.
1842
01:32:07,000 --> 01:32:10,041
[crowd cheering]
1843
01:32:12,250 --> 01:32:13,167
[Billy] I'll go first.
1844
01:32:13,250 --> 01:32:16,041
Give you a chance to think about
how you're going to play that.
1845
01:32:17,375 --> 01:32:19,083
-Whoa!
-[crowd] Whoa!
1846
01:32:20,375 --> 01:32:23,292
[laughs] Billy Jenkins, you
stepped on it and stepped in it.
1847
01:32:23,375 --> 01:32:25,333
Shut up, Edward Woodenhand.
1848
01:32:25,416 --> 01:32:28,916
-Screw you, Cabbage Patch Kid.
-[crowd laughs]
1849
01:32:33,125 --> 01:32:34,875
[crowd exclaim]
1850
01:32:37,083 --> 01:32:38,583
Take your time.
1851
01:32:38,666 --> 01:32:40,458
Go get my lob wedge. Wait.
1852
01:32:43,291 --> 01:32:44,458
Go stand right there.
1853
01:32:52,833 --> 01:32:53,833
[Billy] Okay.
1854
01:32:55,166 --> 01:32:56,708
Right in the back of the cup.
1855
01:32:59,541 --> 01:33:03,000
{\an8}-No, don't get off! God!
-[crowd] Oh!
1856
01:33:03,083 --> 01:33:04,250
{\an8}-Vecsey!
-What?
1857
01:33:04,333 --> 01:33:05,750
God damn it.
1858
01:33:06,375 --> 01:33:08,208
Excuse me. Know
what? You're fired.
1859
01:33:08,291 --> 01:33:09,458
Makes sense.
1860
01:33:09,541 --> 01:33:12,417
Will you quit messing this
up and make this? Come on.
1861
01:33:12,500 --> 01:33:14,125
[Billy] I'm trying, sir.
1862
01:33:14,208 --> 01:33:15,750
Just get it on the right line.
1863
01:33:15,833 --> 01:33:17,458
[Billy] Coming right up, sir.
1864
01:33:17,541 --> 01:33:19,791
[suspenseful music plays]
1865
01:33:27,875 --> 01:33:32,292
-[crowd cheering]
-[Verne] And Billy Jenkins is in for four.
1866
01:33:32,375 --> 01:33:34,166
-Yeah!
-Choke on that one, Happy!
1867
01:33:34,833 --> 01:33:39,167
[Verne] Gilmore has only two
shots left to even tie this thing.
1868
01:33:39,250 --> 01:33:43,625
I'm not even playing and my palms
are sweaty. Mom's spaghetti.
1869
01:33:44,333 --> 01:33:46,167
I can't get a damn
swing off here.
1870
01:33:46,250 --> 01:33:48,458
You got any ideas?
We're in trouble, dude.
1871
01:33:48,541 --> 01:33:51,666
Hmm. I say ricochet that shit.
1872
01:33:53,208 --> 01:33:54,500
Yeah, that's a good idea.
1873
01:34:02,125 --> 01:34:04,583
-[crowd cheering]
-Amazing!
1874
01:34:04,666 --> 01:34:05,625
Did it go in?
1875
01:34:05,708 --> 01:34:07,250
Not that amazing.
1876
01:34:08,916 --> 01:34:10,208
You nervous?
1877
01:34:10,291 --> 01:34:13,417
No, just... Can I
use your mailbox?
1878
01:34:13,500 --> 01:34:15,208
[Verne] The question now is,
1879
01:34:15,291 --> 01:34:17,958
how do you hit on a
green you can't stand on?
1880
01:34:18,833 --> 01:34:19,833
[Happy] What do I do?
1881
01:34:20,458 --> 01:34:21,833
[Gordy] Here we go, Dad!
1882
01:34:21,916 --> 01:34:23,958
-Dad, let's go!
-Let's go! All you!
1883
01:34:24,041 --> 01:34:25,542
-[Gordy] Right now!
-All right.
1884
01:34:25,625 --> 01:34:26,750
What's the plan?
1885
01:34:27,500 --> 01:34:28,667
How about this?
1886
01:34:28,750 --> 01:34:30,750
Go to the other side
directly across from me.
1887
01:34:30,833 --> 01:34:32,292
-Yes, sir.
-Okay.
1888
01:34:32,375 --> 01:34:34,500
-Oscar. Hey.
-Yeah, go!
1889
01:34:34,583 --> 01:34:36,792
Oh, God, I can't bear to watch.
1890
01:34:36,875 --> 01:34:39,333
Oscar, how much do you weigh?
1891
01:34:40,083 --> 01:34:41,458
170.
1892
01:34:42,333 --> 01:34:43,833
Pick up the bag, please.
1893
01:34:45,208 --> 01:34:46,917
Actually, take two clubs out.
1894
01:34:47,000 --> 01:34:49,375
Two clubs. Two. Two clubs.
1895
01:34:49,458 --> 01:34:51,625
Okay. Pick the bag up again.
1896
01:34:52,666 --> 01:34:55,417
And on the count of three,
we're stepping on the green.
1897
01:34:55,500 --> 01:34:57,542
-Okay.
-[Happy] Are you ready?
1898
01:34:57,625 --> 01:35:03,166
And one, two... three!
1899
01:35:04,208 --> 01:35:05,375
Whoa, oh... Hey...
1900
01:35:06,500 --> 01:35:09,250
That's it. That's it. Okay,
we're gonna hop forward.
1901
01:35:09,333 --> 01:35:12,375
One. Two. Three.
1902
01:35:12,458 --> 01:35:15,250
-[both yelp]
-[Happy] Ooh.
1903
01:35:17,291 --> 01:35:18,416
Okay.
1904
01:35:20,083 --> 01:35:21,250
Now to the left.
1905
01:35:22,000 --> 01:35:24,166
One, two, three.
1906
01:35:25,375 --> 01:35:26,750
That's it.
1907
01:35:26,833 --> 01:35:30,416
Now we're gonna go
sideways... Two, three.
1908
01:35:33,166 --> 01:35:35,917
Ooh, Oscar... Nice work.
1909
01:35:36,000 --> 01:35:37,583
Check this out.
1910
01:35:38,166 --> 01:35:39,166
Whoa!
1911
01:35:40,541 --> 01:35:42,542
-What's happening?
-[Oscar] What the...
1912
01:35:42,625 --> 01:35:46,292
Sorry, Happy, I had to. We
don't do tiebreakers at Maxi.
1913
01:35:46,375 --> 01:35:48,083
How about we raise the stakes?
1914
01:35:48,166 --> 01:35:50,458
I end this whole project
if you sink this putt.
1915
01:35:50,541 --> 01:35:51,875
And if I miss?
1916
01:35:51,958 --> 01:35:54,083
It's simple. You
join Maxi League.
1917
01:35:57,208 --> 01:35:59,625
[imperceptible]
1918
01:35:59,708 --> 01:36:01,250
How about this?
1919
01:36:01,333 --> 01:36:03,042
You pay for my
daughter's dance school,
1920
01:36:03,125 --> 01:36:04,542
buy me my grandma's house back,
1921
01:36:04,625 --> 01:36:06,625
plus I get your Rolls-Royce,
1922
01:36:07,375 --> 01:36:10,125
plus you gotta buy Oscar
his own restaurant.
1923
01:36:11,041 --> 01:36:12,750
What kind of restaurant
are we talking here?
1924
01:36:12,833 --> 01:36:14,375
What kind of food, Oscar?
1925
01:36:14,458 --> 01:36:16,833
Sushi. No, no, no. Italian.
1926
01:36:16,916 --> 01:36:18,792
Fine. You're on.
1927
01:36:18,875 --> 01:36:21,875
[Verne] You heard it.
There'll be no playoff today.
1928
01:36:22,958 --> 01:36:24,125
Oscar, I have bad news.
1929
01:36:25,416 --> 01:36:27,333
I'm holding a sand
wedge. I need a putter.
1930
01:36:29,000 --> 01:36:31,166
Just take it slowly
out of the bag.
1931
01:36:32,500 --> 01:36:36,375
That's it. That's it.
Take the sock off.
1932
01:36:36,458 --> 01:36:39,417
Okay, so we're gonna throw it to
each other on the count of three.
1933
01:36:39,500 --> 01:36:40,875
-Okay.
-We can do this.
1934
01:36:42,166 --> 01:36:45,291
One, two, three.
1935
01:36:46,041 --> 01:36:49,750
-[crowd] Oh!
-Okay. I caught my own club.
1936
01:36:50,708 --> 01:36:52,708
Physics is a bitch, isn't it?
1937
01:36:53,541 --> 01:36:54,917
Here's what we're gonna do.
1938
01:36:55,000 --> 01:36:57,375
We're gonna throw it
straight up in the sky.
1939
01:36:57,458 --> 01:36:58,500
Let's do this.
1940
01:36:58,583 --> 01:37:00,375
Do not get sick, Oscar.
1941
01:37:00,458 --> 01:37:05,708
-Okay. One, two, three.
-One, two...
1942
01:37:10,291 --> 01:37:11,083
Yes!
1943
01:37:11,166 --> 01:37:13,750
Let's go! Let's go, Hap!
1944
01:37:13,833 --> 01:37:16,708
High five. High...
1945
01:37:18,083 --> 01:37:21,666
Hey, Gilmore can do this.
I've seen it. I lived it.
1946
01:37:22,458 --> 01:37:25,708
{\an8}Wow. Cool. How bout we
take this to the Maxi?
1947
01:37:26,458 --> 01:37:29,000
[whirring]
1948
01:37:29,708 --> 01:37:31,208
He's gonna fly off.
1949
01:37:31,291 --> 01:37:33,750
-...spot, focus on the spot.
-You got it. Focus.
1950
01:37:33,833 --> 01:37:34,833
[laughing]
1951
01:37:34,916 --> 01:37:36,083
Oh, no.
1952
01:37:36,166 --> 01:37:38,083
Hang in there, Oscar, please.
1953
01:37:43,000 --> 01:37:45,542
Come on, Dad. You got it.
1954
01:37:45,625 --> 01:37:47,333
[kids] Dad!
1955
01:37:49,000 --> 01:37:50,875
[whooping]
1956
01:37:51,541 --> 01:37:53,458
-Come on, Dad!
-[cheering]
1957
01:37:56,125 --> 01:37:59,041
I love you so much!
1958
01:38:04,875 --> 01:38:09,708
Do it like my daddy taught
you. Tap it. Tap it in.
1959
01:38:19,333 --> 01:38:21,041
[Verne] It's got a chance.
1960
01:38:22,166 --> 01:38:24,000
-Go.
-Go.
1961
01:38:24,083 --> 01:38:25,625
Come on, Happy.
1962
01:38:25,708 --> 01:38:28,041
-Come on, come on...
-Come on, come on, come on...
1963
01:38:33,416 --> 01:38:37,333
-Get there!
-[crowd exclaiming] Oh!
1964
01:38:37,416 --> 01:38:39,583
[Verne] Oh, no!
1965
01:38:40,791 --> 01:38:44,458
Yes! Welcome to
Maxi, Happy. Whoo!
1966
01:38:45,583 --> 01:38:47,500
-[thuds]
-[clatters]
1967
01:38:48,791 --> 01:38:51,833
-[ball clatters]
-[all cheering]
1968
01:38:53,083 --> 01:38:58,125
Oh, my God! Happy
Gilmore has won!
1969
01:38:59,000 --> 01:39:02,208
And regular golf will live on.
1970
01:39:03,583 --> 01:39:07,042
-I'm 8 Ball! I'm 8 Ball!
-No! That doesn't happen!
1971
01:39:07,125 --> 01:39:09,083
You are a piece of
shit, you know that?
1972
01:39:09,166 --> 01:39:10,583
I did everything I could...
1973
01:39:10,666 --> 01:39:14,042
Oscar! We did it, Oscar!
1974
01:39:14,125 --> 01:39:16,208
[cheering]
1975
01:39:18,250 --> 01:39:20,666
-Papi, papi. Wake up.
-[groans]
1976
01:39:21,333 --> 01:39:22,375
-Good job!
-Did we win?
1977
01:39:22,458 --> 01:39:25,000
[upbeat music playing
over speakers]
1978
01:39:25,083 --> 01:39:26,458
-Yes!
-All right!
1979
01:39:26,541 --> 01:39:27,583
Happy, yes!
1980
01:39:27,666 --> 01:39:29,333
Yeah, yeah!
1981
01:39:29,416 --> 01:39:30,500
Stop.
1982
01:39:33,916 --> 01:39:37,875
Your training paid off. You did it.
I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you.
1983
01:39:37,958 --> 01:39:39,125
-Yes!
-Yes!
1984
01:39:41,041 --> 01:39:43,041
What a great win.
Let's go to Hooters.
1985
01:39:49,166 --> 01:39:50,792
[both grunting]
1986
01:39:50,875 --> 01:39:54,333
-Happy Gilmore! Happy Gilmore!
-Happy Gilmore! Happy Gilmore!
1987
01:39:54,416 --> 01:39:57,542
I can't believe I'm saying
this, but you're all free to go.
1988
01:39:57,625 --> 01:40:00,250
-[cheering]
-Beautiful.
1989
01:40:01,875 --> 01:40:04,750
Unbelievable. Tremendous.
1990
01:40:04,833 --> 01:40:06,458
I understand you
have a restaurant.
1991
01:40:06,541 --> 01:40:11,250
{\an8}We have the best Italian Dominican Puerto
Rican Cuban restaurant in the town.
1992
01:40:11,333 --> 01:40:13,167
[Esteban] I love my new job!
1993
01:40:13,250 --> 01:40:16,042
We did it, baby!
We did it for Mom!
1994
01:40:16,125 --> 01:40:18,208
[all cheering]
1995
01:40:25,125 --> 01:40:29,041
Well, I've won a lot of trophies
and jackets over the years,
1996
01:40:29,833 --> 01:40:35,291
but out of all of them, I have to
say this is by far the most special.
1997
01:40:36,333 --> 01:40:38,583
And I want to thank all
my friends out there
1998
01:40:38,666 --> 01:40:42,291
who helped me achieve
this monumental moment.
1999
01:40:45,125 --> 01:40:46,375
Three months sober.
2000
01:40:46,958 --> 01:40:49,375
[Nate] Yay! Way to
go, Mr. Gilmore!
2001
01:40:50,291 --> 01:40:52,833
Splendid! Splendid, Mr. Gilmore.
2002
01:40:53,750 --> 01:40:56,417
But will you make it to a year?
2003
01:40:56,500 --> 01:41:01,458
-Magic 8-Ball says... unlikely.
-Uh-huh.
2004
01:41:01,541 --> 01:41:05,458
What are you talking about, Hal? Happy's
going to make it a full lifetime.
2005
01:41:05,541 --> 01:41:07,250
Know what else is
full, Charlotte?
2006
01:41:07,333 --> 01:41:10,958
My gutters. Full of dead
leaves and squirrel droppings.
2007
01:41:11,041 --> 01:41:12,833
But you'll be cleaning
them out this weekend.
2008
01:41:12,916 --> 01:41:15,042
I don't like the way
you talk to that kid.
2009
01:41:15,125 --> 01:41:16,292
It's fine, Mr. Gilmore.
2010
01:41:16,375 --> 01:41:19,667
No, it's not fine. That kid has
helped me more than you have, Hal.
2011
01:41:19,750 --> 01:41:21,875
Seriously, Mr. Gilmore,
I got this.
2012
01:41:21,958 --> 01:41:24,542
Guys, can we be done
here? We've got enough.
2013
01:41:24,625 --> 01:41:27,375
Why are you talking into
your collar? Are you high?
2014
01:41:28,791 --> 01:41:30,000
Are you high?
2015
01:41:31,583 --> 01:41:32,958
-Holy...
-Whoa!
2016
01:41:33,041 --> 01:41:34,833
Hallowicious Lieberman!
2017
01:41:34,916 --> 01:41:36,917
You're under arrest for
fraud and extortion.
2018
01:41:37,000 --> 01:41:39,500
We got enough footage of you
being a sick son of a bitch
2019
01:41:39,583 --> 01:41:41,416
to lock you away for a lifetime.
2020
01:41:42,291 --> 01:41:44,000
You narc'd on me?
2021
01:41:44,625 --> 01:41:45,458
Guess so.
2022
01:41:45,541 --> 01:41:47,958
Hey, man, I was just trying
to help these people.
2023
01:41:48,041 --> 01:41:51,208
Manual labor's
therapeutically beneficial.
2024
01:41:51,291 --> 01:41:52,708
-Hey, Happy.
-What?
2025
01:41:52,791 --> 01:41:55,042
-Catch.
-Oh!
2026
01:41:55,125 --> 01:41:56,042
[Hal laughing]
2027
01:41:56,125 --> 01:41:59,292
-I believe that's Mr. Gilmore's!
-He got my coin!
2028
01:41:59,375 --> 01:42:03,583
-[yelling] I got the coin!
-[clamoring]
2029
01:42:06,125 --> 01:42:07,708
[laughing]
2030
01:42:07,791 --> 01:42:09,542
-[Nate punching]
-[Hal yelping]
2031
01:42:09,625 --> 01:42:11,958
-Oh, shit! Stop!
-[Nate] Stay still!
2032
01:42:13,875 --> 01:42:15,458
You're a very cool kid.
2033
01:42:16,041 --> 01:42:19,250
You're a very cool guy.
You remind me of my dad.
2034
01:42:19,333 --> 01:42:20,333
Yeah?
2035
01:42:20,416 --> 01:42:23,500
["Tuesday's Gone" playing]
2036
01:42:27,541 --> 01:42:29,167
All right, just
have fun in Paris.
2037
01:42:29,250 --> 01:42:31,208
If you get homesick for America,
2038
01:42:31,291 --> 01:42:34,375
I can ship over some
Yodels or bottle rockets.
2039
01:42:34,458 --> 01:42:35,667
Whatever you guys want.
2040
01:42:35,750 --> 01:42:38,333
We'll be fine, Dad. And we'll
see you next month, right?
2041
01:42:38,416 --> 01:42:39,250
That's right.
2042
01:42:39,333 --> 01:42:42,250
I got the British Open, I'll show
up a week early, we'll hang out.
2043
01:42:42,333 --> 01:42:44,708
I want to see some fancy
French dancing from this kid.
2044
01:42:44,791 --> 01:42:46,292
Then you can come
check out our show.
2045
01:42:46,375 --> 01:42:47,375
What show?
2046
01:42:47,458 --> 01:42:48,958
We're gonna be singing mimes.
2047
01:42:49,041 --> 01:42:50,792
I thought mimes aren't
allowed to talk.
2048
01:42:50,875 --> 01:42:53,917
That's how we're gonna separate ourselves
from the other mimes, by singing.
2049
01:42:54,000 --> 01:42:55,042
Okay.
2050
01:42:55,125 --> 01:43:00,375
♪ We're trapped in a box! Now
we're tugging on a rope! ♪
2051
01:43:01,125 --> 01:43:03,167
♪ Even look at our sister... ♪
2052
01:43:03,250 --> 01:43:05,333
-And we'll kill you!
-And we'll crush you!
2053
01:43:05,416 --> 01:43:07,417
-I'll murder you!
-Don't you look at her!
2054
01:43:07,500 --> 01:43:10,000
-Smart. I love that!
-Nailed it. Really good.
2055
01:43:10,083 --> 01:43:11,542
Come here. Gonna miss you.
2056
01:43:11,625 --> 01:43:14,792
And if you're hungry on the flight,
enjoy the bread from Oscar's restaurant.
2057
01:43:14,875 --> 01:43:17,333
Go crush them over there
for Mom. Have a ball.
2058
01:43:17,416 --> 01:43:18,250
Love you, Dad.
2059
01:43:18,333 --> 01:43:20,417
-Hey, here you go.
-[Happy] You're the best, guys.
2060
01:43:20,500 --> 01:43:22,458
-Sir, right there.
-There you go, buddy.
2061
01:43:22,541 --> 01:43:24,958
Yeah, get him! [laughs]
2062
01:43:25,041 --> 01:43:26,292
I'm so sorry, sweetheart.
2063
01:43:26,375 --> 01:43:27,666
[Bobby] Come on, Vienna.
2064
01:43:29,583 --> 01:43:31,291
Love you. I'll miss you.
2065
01:43:34,500 --> 01:43:40,208
♪ Tuesday's gone with the wind ♪
2066
01:43:45,166 --> 01:43:46,708
Hey, Happy.
2067
01:43:53,666 --> 01:43:58,500
♪ Tuesday's gone with the wind ♪
2068
01:43:58,583 --> 01:44:00,708
Oh. You're okay.
2069
01:44:03,166 --> 01:44:08,791
♪ My baby's gone with the wind ♪
2070
01:44:10,416 --> 01:44:13,625
♪ Train roll on ♪
2071
01:44:15,750 --> 01:44:18,250
♪ Tuesday's gone ♪
2072
01:44:18,333 --> 01:44:22,250
-[car chiming]
-[automated voice] Battery, zero percent.
2073
01:44:22,333 --> 01:44:24,458
I didn't charge it! Damn it!
2074
01:44:25,916 --> 01:44:28,916
["The Waiting" playing]
2075
01:44:43,958 --> 01:44:47,708
♪ Oh, baby Don't it feel
like heaven right now? ♪
2076
01:44:47,791 --> 01:44:51,125
♪ Don't it feel like
something From a dream? ♪
2077
01:44:51,875 --> 01:44:55,833
♪ Yeah, I've never known
Nothing quite like this ♪
2078
01:44:55,916 --> 01:44:59,958
♪ Don't it feel like tonight
Might never be again? ♪
2079
01:45:00,041 --> 01:45:03,958
♪ Baby, we know better
Than to try and pretend ♪
2080
01:45:04,041 --> 01:45:07,833
♪ Honey no one Coulda
ever told me 'bout this ♪
2081
01:45:07,916 --> 01:45:10,458
-♪ I said yeah, yeah ♪
-♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
2082
01:45:10,541 --> 01:45:12,292
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
2083
01:45:12,375 --> 01:45:16,375
♪ The waiting is
the hardest part ♪
2084
01:45:16,458 --> 01:45:20,208
♪ Every day you
see one more card ♪
2085
01:45:20,291 --> 01:45:24,333
♪ You take it on faith
You take it to the heart ♪
2086
01:45:24,416 --> 01:45:28,666
♪ The waiting is
the hardest part ♪
2087
01:45:32,250 --> 01:45:36,125
♪ Well, yeah, I might have
chased A couple women around ♪
2088
01:45:36,208 --> 01:45:40,000
♪ All it ever got me was down ♪
2089
01:45:40,083 --> 01:45:44,333
♪ Then there were those
That made me feel good ♪
2090
01:45:44,416 --> 01:45:48,292
♪ But never as good
as I feel right now ♪
2091
01:45:48,375 --> 01:45:52,583
♪ Baby, you're the only
one That's ever known how ♪
2092
01:45:52,666 --> 01:45:54,417
♪ To make me wanna live... ♪
2093
01:45:54,500 --> 01:45:56,708
{\an8}Well, the bad news just
keeps coming for Maxi
2094
01:45:56,791 --> 01:45:59,625
{\an8}and its controversial
founder, Francis Manatee.
2095
01:45:59,708 --> 01:46:02,917
{\an8}Since the spectacular failure
of the Maxi Golf League,
2096
01:46:03,000 --> 01:46:07,083
{\an8}the popular Maxi Sports Drink has
been recalled after complaints
2097
01:46:07,166 --> 01:46:10,750
{\an8}it caused irreversible
halitosis, gingivitis,
2098
01:46:10,833 --> 01:46:13,750
{\an8}and a new condition
they're calling tongue rot.
2099
01:46:14,416 --> 01:46:17,167
{\an8}We at the Sports Hole tried
to reach Manatee for comment,
2100
01:46:17,250 --> 01:46:19,875
{\an8}but his current whereabouts
are apparently unknown.
2101
01:46:19,958 --> 01:46:23,917
Yeah, I would run too if I gave half
the world midnight booty breath.
2102
01:46:24,000 --> 01:46:28,333
Hey, Scheffler, it's been three days.
You sure you don't wanna make that call?
2103
01:46:28,416 --> 01:46:30,417
It depends. What's for dinner?
2104
01:46:30,500 --> 01:46:32,000
Chicken fingers.
2105
01:46:32,083 --> 01:46:33,917
I'll stick around another night.
2106
01:46:34,000 --> 01:46:35,500
Okay.
2107
01:46:35,583 --> 01:46:38,666
{\an8}["Sitting Down Is
Stupid" playing]
2108
01:46:48,708 --> 01:46:50,208
{\an8}♪ Oh ♪
2109
01:46:50,291 --> 01:46:53,958
{\an8}♪ Get your biscuits in the kitchen
I'm a sous chef on a mission ♪
2110
01:46:54,041 --> 01:46:57,750
{\an8}♪ Baby, wiggle it, it's vicious
We about to break the dishes ♪
2111
01:46:57,833 --> 01:47:01,750
{\an8}♪ Got the pepper with the sodium
We cookin' with petroleum ♪
2112
01:47:01,833 --> 01:47:05,583
{\an8}♪ Come step up to the podium
And cut up this linoleum ♪
2113
01:47:08,458 --> 01:47:09,875
{\an8}♪ Just move it ♪
2114
01:47:12,541 --> 01:47:13,666
{\an8}♪ Move it ♪
2115
01:47:17,125 --> 01:47:21,041
{\an8}♪ Sittin' down is stupid
Now let me see you move it ♪
2116
01:47:28,166 --> 01:47:31,583
{\an8}♪ Get your peaches off that
stoop Baby, work that hula hoop ♪
2117
01:47:31,666 --> 01:47:35,500
{\an8}♪ Throw it back and watch 'em
shoop Scottie Pippen, alley oop ♪
2118
01:47:35,583 --> 01:47:39,333
{\an8}♪ Mix it up like orange drink
Shake your buffalo chicken wing ♪
2119
01:47:39,416 --> 01:47:43,625
{\an8}♪ Get your galoshes, make it rain
Now-now let me hear you sing, uh ♪
2120
01:47:46,250 --> 01:47:47,583
{\an8}♪ Just move it ♪
2121
01:47:50,291 --> 01:47:51,500
{\an8}♪ Move it ♪
2122
01:47:54,875 --> 01:47:58,875
{\an8}♪ Sittin' down is stupid
Now let me see you move it ♪
2123
01:48:01,375 --> 01:48:02,708
{\an8}♪ Just move it ♪
2124
01:48:05,333 --> 01:48:06,458
{\an8}♪ Move it ♪
2125
01:48:09,958 --> 01:48:13,958
{\an8}♪ Sittin' down is stupid
Now let me see you move it ♪
2126
01:48:21,416 --> 01:48:22,833
{\an8}♪ Sitting is dumb ♪
2127
01:48:25,291 --> 01:48:26,625
{\an8}♪ Dancing is more fun ♪
2128
01:48:28,958 --> 01:48:30,458
{\an8}♪ Sitting is dumb ♪
2129
01:48:32,875 --> 01:48:34,166
{\an8}♪ Dancing is more fun ♪
2130
01:48:34,750 --> 01:48:36,417
{\an8}♪ Dancing is more fun ♪
2131
01:48:36,500 --> 01:48:39,833
{\an8}♪ Sitting is dumb But
dancing is more fun ♪
2132
01:48:40,458 --> 01:48:43,708
{\an8}♪ Dancing is more fun
Dancing is more fun ♪
2133
01:48:46,708 --> 01:48:48,041
{\an8}♪ Just move it ♪
2134
01:48:50,708 --> 01:48:51,916
{\an8}♪ Move it ♪
2135
01:48:55,291 --> 01:48:59,333
{\an8}♪ Sittin' down is stupid
Now let me see you move it ♪
2136
01:49:01,875 --> 01:49:03,125
{\an8}♪ Just move it ♪
2137
01:49:05,833 --> 01:49:07,083
{\an8}♪ Move it ♪
2138
01:49:10,458 --> 01:49:14,458
{\an8}♪ Sittin' down is stupid
Now let me see you move it ♪
2138
01:49:15,305 --> 01:50:15,918
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