1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
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<i>My name is Happy Gilmore.</i>

3
00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:58,641
<i>Ever since I was old enough
to skate, I loved hockey.</i>

4
00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:02,437
<i>I wasn't really
the greatest skater, though.</i>

5
00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:06,274
<i>But that didn't stop my
dad from teaching me</i>

6
00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:09,319
<i>the secret of smacking
the greatest slap shot.</i>

7
00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:14,324
<i>My dad worshipped hockey.
My mom didn't.</i>

8
00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:16,576
<i>That's why she moved to Egypt,</i>

9
00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:19,663
<i>where there's not a hockey
rink within 1,500 miles.</i>

10
00:01:20,789 --> 00:01:23,708
<i>Dad always took me to games to
cheer for our favorite player</i>

11
00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:26,336
<i>Terry O'Reilly,
the Tasmanian Devil.</i>

12
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:30,590
<i>He wasn't the biggest guy in the league,
but he feared nobody, just like me.</i>

13
00:01:31,008 --> 00:01:32,426
<i>Handsome fellow, huh?</i>

14
00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:35,845
<i>He always said that when I grew up,
I could be anything I wanted to be</i>

15
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:39,098
<i>but I never wanted to be
anything but a hockey player.</i>

16
00:01:40,183 --> 00:01:44,228
<i>Yeah, my childhood was going great,
but life is full of surprises.</i>

17
00:01:52,404 --> 00:01:54,197
<i>After the funeral</i>

18
00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:57,408
<i>I was sent to live with
my grandma in Waterbury.</i>

19
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:06,709
<i>I was kind of nervous, since I
really didn't know her that well</i>

20
00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:11,047
<i>but she dressed like Gene Simmons
from KISS to cheer me up.</i>

21
00:02:11,130 --> 00:02:13,800
<i>She's the sweetest person
in the world.</i>

22
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:20,682
<i>See, after my dad died, I
developed kind of a short fuse.</i>

23
00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:22,809
<i>That kid right there
just stole my party blower</i>

24
00:02:22,893 --> 00:02:24,269
<i>and instead of
asking for it back</i>

25
00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:27,230
<i>I felt I had to belt him in the head
a bunch of times with a hammer.</i>

26
00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:28,565
<i>Look at me go.</i>

27
00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:31,984
<i>But most of the time, I was
quick to say I was sorry.</i>

28
00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:37,949
<i>During high school, I played junior
hockey and still hold two league records:</i>

29
00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:40,160
<i>most time spent in a penalty box,</i>

30
00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:42,703
<i>and I was the only guy
to ever take off his skate</i>

31
00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:44,498
<i>and try to stab somebody.</i>

32
00:02:46,290 --> 00:02:49,335
<i>After I graduated, I had
a lot of different jobs.</i>

33
00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:51,170
<i>I was a road worker,</i>

34
00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:54,674
<i>a janitor,</i>

35
00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:00,346
<i>a security guard,</i>

36
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,269
<i>a gas station attendant,</i>

37
00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:10,940
<i>and a plumber.</i>

38
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:16,446
<i>Lately, I've been working
construction. It's not a bad racket.</i>

39
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,823
<i>I'm a pretty good shot
with a nail gun.</i>

40
00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:23,407
<i>But one day my boss, Mr.
Larson, got in the way.</i>

41
00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:28,458
<i>Apparently, he also has a short fuse.
Look at that monster.</i>

42
00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:33,296
<i>He got a few lucky punches in there,
but I still feel I won the fight.</i>

43
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,382
<i>Anyways, those jobs weren't for me.</i>

44
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:39,635
<i>I was put on this planet for
one reason, to play hockey.</i>

45
00:03:41,096 --> 00:03:44,724
That's my puck, baby!
Don't you ever touch my puck!

46
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:48,186
Number 18. Is that Gilmore again?

47
00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:50,396
How many times has this
guy tried out, anyway?

48
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:51,898
At least 10 times.

49
00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:54,109
The guy's got a lot of intensity.

50
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:58,071
Not a real strong skater, though.

51
00:03:58,155 --> 00:03:59,906
Ain't the best puck handler, either.

52
00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:01,616
Man, which side are you playing for?

53
00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:06,121
Yeah, but, my God...

54
00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:11,000
What a shot.

55
00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:13,086
Damn it!

56
00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:15,714
Is that goal regulation size, or what?

57
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:22,512
Number 1,

58
00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:26,349
number 52, number 16.

59
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,811
They saw my power, man. Ain't no
way they're gonna dog me this year.

60
00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:31,313
Number 9

61
00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:33,690
and number 43.

62
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:38,361
The rest of you, if your number
wasn't called, better luck next year.

63
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:41,823
Hey, Coach, what's going
on here, man? What about me?

64
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:43,366
Gilmore.

65
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:46,494
Gilmore, I called your number, didn't I?

66
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:48,329
No, no, no, no, you didn't.

67
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,042
Well, better luck next year.

68
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:56,087
- Now, that wasn't very nice!
- What are you doing?

69
00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:00,049
Get him off me!

70
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:01,634
Somebody help me!

71
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,594
You think you're better than me?

72
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,810
Hey, where are you going?
I got us Subway.

73
00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:12,228
I already ate.

74
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:16,483
Well, I went to high school with a guy who
worked there, so we got extra meatball.

75
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:18,359
Great. I got to run. See you later.

76
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:20,862
Hey, can you just stick around?
I kind of had a rough day.

77
00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:21,988
Bye.

78
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:24,115
- When are you getting back?
- Never.

79
00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:31,831
Terry, wait!

80
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:34,250
<i>Wait! Hold on a second, babe.</i>

81
00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:35,377
Yeah.

82
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,837
You're not going for good, are you, honey?

83
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:40,548
You're going nowhere, Happy,
and you're taking me with you.

84
00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:44,344
All you ever talk about is being a pro
hockey player, but there's a problem.

85
00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:46,011
You're not any good!

86
00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:50,016
I am good! You know what? You're
a lousy kindergarten teacher!

87
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:53,436
I've seen those finger paintings
you bring home, and they suck!

88
00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:59,772
I'm sorry, babe. I didn't mean that. I
think they're excellent finger paintings.

89
00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:01,694
<i>Please don't go.</i>

90
00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:04,822
I am not spending the rest
of my life with a loser.

91
00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:05,907
<i>I'm gone.</i>

92
00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:10,370
Good! Then, get the hell out of my life!
Who needs you? Beat it! Leave me alone!

93
00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:13,957
I'm sorry, babe.
I didn't mean that either.

94
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:17,126
I just yell sometimes
'cause I get so scared,

95
00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:19,379
scared of being a nobody.

96
00:06:20,005 --> 00:06:23,299
Why don't you just
come back upstairs, honey?

97
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:26,969
I'll give you the old
smoochy-smoo kissy-wissy.

98
00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:28,179
Hmm.

99
00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:31,599
You know Happy's gonna
make everything okay.

100
00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:42,484
<i>I wanna kiss you all over</i>

101
00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:45,446
<i>And over and again</i>

102
00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:49,492
<i>I wanna kiss you all over</i>

103
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:55,623
<i>Till the night closes in</i>

104
00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:59,460
<i>Till the night closes in</i>

105
00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:01,962
Terry!

106
00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:15,518
Yeah.

107
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:19,981
All right, sit tight.
I'll be right over.

108
00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:28,990
Hey, you no want breakfast?

109
00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:40,543
Grandma!

110
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:42,921
Grandma!

111
00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:45,465
Hey, put that stuff down!
That's my grandmother's!

112
00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:48,509
Cut it out, kid.
We're just doing our jobs.

113
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,345
What are you talking about?

114
00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:53,472
Your grandmother hasn't paid
her taxes in over a decade.

115
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:54,640
What?

116
00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:57,977
Grandma, you didn't pay your taxes?

117
00:07:58,060 --> 00:08:01,105
I would have, but I
didn't have any money.

118
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,150
Where are you taking all her stuff?

119
00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:06,861
I'm not taking her stuff,
okay? The government is.

120
00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:10,073
It's not like I'm taking
her stuff over to my place

121
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,950
or something like that, all
right? So don't get mad at me.

122
00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:17,163
But she's an old lady.
I mean, look at her. She's old.

123
00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:20,375
You can't just take
her stuff. She's too old.

124
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:24,795
I'm sorry. I have no discretion
here. Her stuff is now our stuff.

125
00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:28,716
Well, at least we got the house, right?

126
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:32,512
I mean, I can bring furniture from my place
over here. We're gonna be okay, Grandma.

127
00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:36,098
Now you're really gonna be mad.
I have to take the house, too.

128
00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:39,935
No, look, pal, my grandfather built
this house with his bare hands.

129
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:44,399
My grandma's been here over sixty
years. You can't take her house.

130
00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:46,984
Mrs. Gilmore owes the IRS

131
00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:50,363
$270,000 in back taxes.

132
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:52,240
- Oh, my God.
- We have to take the house.

133
00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:54,825
And if you can't get the
money together in ninety days

134
00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:57,161
we're gonna have to sell
the house to someone else.

135
00:08:57,245 --> 00:08:58,955
You hate me, don't you?

136
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:00,873
No, no, no, I don't hate you.

137
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:08,922
He hates me.

138
00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:14,554
Don't worry, Grandma,
everything's going to be all right.

139
00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:17,806
Look at this place, Silver Acres Rest Home.

140
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:21,060
Hell, it looks more like a
country club than a nursing home.

141
00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:23,146
Nice grass, nice people.

142
00:09:23,270 --> 00:09:25,940
- Now, I hope you brought your bathing suit.
- Oh, Happy.

143
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:28,943
I'm telling you, this place is perfect.
You're gonna make friends in no time.

144
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,737
Mister!

145
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:34,156
Get me out of here!

146
00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:37,744
Here, just eat that! Leave us alone!

147
00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:42,123
Grandma, you don't gotta do this,
you know. You can come live with me.

148
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:44,500
Nonsense, dear. You're a grown man.

149
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:48,337
I wouldn't burden you like
that, and that's final.

150
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:51,591
You tell me, how's that
nice girlfriend of yours?

151
00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:53,842
She got hit by a car. She's dead.

152
00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:55,219
Look, I'm telling you,

153
00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:58,347
I am gonna get that $270,000 and
we're gonna get your house back.

154
00:09:58,430 --> 00:09:59,682
That is a promise.

155
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:00,933
Oh, sure.

156
00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:05,396
In the meantime, just stay
here and have some fun.

157
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,940
I will, dear. Don't worry.

158
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:11,694
Pardon me, but it's naptime.

159
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,613
All right, a nap, that sounds nice.

160
00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:16,866
- You go.
- I love you.

161
00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:19,785
I love you too, darling.

162
00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:21,370
- Okay, bye.
- Goodbye.

163
00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:24,039
Hey, buddy.

164
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,625
I want you to do me a
favor. You see that lady?

165
00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:29,128
- She's very important to me, okay?
- Okay.

166
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:32,548
So I want you to take
extra-special care of her.

167
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:34,550
You know what I'm talking about here?

168
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:37,720
I can't accept that, but
I'll tell you what I can do.

169
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:41,891
I can take extra-special care of that
young lady over there for nothing.

170
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,603
Okay, I appreciate that.

171
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:47,980
Have a nice afternoon.

172
00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:52,151
Sir, could I trouble you
for a glass of warm milk?

173
00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:53,903
It helps put me to sleep.

174
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:57,198
You could trouble me for a warm
glass of shut-the-hell-up!

175
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,827
Now, you will go to sleep,
or I will put you to sleep.

176
00:11:01,910 --> 00:11:04,997
Check out the name tag. You're
in my world now, Grandma.

177
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:06,749
Oh, dear.

178
00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:12,088
Hey, bet you I can
hit a ball past that tree.

179
00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:14,298
$20 says you can't.

180
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:17,676
Hey, morons, I told you
I wanna watch the hockey game.

181
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:20,679
Now, cut the golf sissy
crap and finish up in there.

182
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:21,805
Relax.

183
00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:26,144
Think of it as a way to enjoy your
grandma's possessions for another half hour.

184
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:31,190
Oh, my God, you got ahold of that one!

185
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:34,193
- I'd like to see you try it.
- Yeah, it's not as easy as it looks.

186
00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:36,696
Sorry, ladies, I'm not the golfing type.

187
00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:39,531
I'll tell you what. You
hit a ball past my ball

188
00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:43,119
and we'll go straight back to work so
you can watch your precious hockey game.

189
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:44,913
Give me the stupid club.

190
00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:52,920
Look at this stupid thing.

191
00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:56,590
This is gonna be hilarious. I
mean, look how he's standing.

192
00:11:57,175 --> 00:11:59,051
You like that?

193
00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:14,567
Holy shit!

194
00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:15,735
Go back to work.

195
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,736
That house is like four hundred yards away.

196
00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:20,239
- Is that good?
- That's unbelievable.

197
00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:21,907
Beginner's luck.

198
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:24,452
$20 says you can't do it again.

199
00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:25,869
Bring it on.

200
00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:40,843
You boys are gonna pay for that!

201
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:46,724
- You hit that guy!
- He shouldn't have been standing there.

202
00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:48,893
One more time. Double or nothing.

203
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:50,853
You better pay up.

204
00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:04,409
All right, maybe we should get back inside.

205
00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:06,869
Hey, you made a bet. Pay the man.

206
00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:24,220
All right!

207
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:27,056
Thanks, man. Tell your friends.

208
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:28,766
- Step right up, folks!
- He's good.

209
00:13:28,850 --> 00:13:30,059
See if you can outdrive

210
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:34,272
the amazing golf ball whacker guy!

211
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:38,901
That's great.

212
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:40,987
Very good.

213
00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:43,238
Bend those knees.

214
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:46,200
Remember now, it's all in
the hips. You're doing great.

215
00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:47,576
It's all in the hips.

216
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,579
All right, $50 I can hit
it over the highway! Any takers?

217
00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:01,424
That's real good.

218
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:04,885
So long, sucker.

219
00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:11,225
You're like a freak.

220
00:14:11,309 --> 00:14:14,270
- How often do you play?
- Never. This is my first time.

221
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:17,023
Hey, you should play in the
Waterbury Open tomorrow.

222
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:19,274
Yeah. Yeah, all right,
I'll see you guys there.

223
00:14:24,155 --> 00:14:25,823
He's gonna play.

224
00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:28,283
And, by God, he's gonna win.

225
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:42,506
- Hey, mister, you gotta wear a helmet.
- Don't worry about it.

226
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:51,390
Yeah, yeah, bring that shit on, man.

227
00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:53,392
Oh, God, I love it.

228
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:54,727
Awesome.

229
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,813
Oh, God, that hurt a
little, but I'm all right.

230
00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,732
Oh, my God, son, what
the hell are you doing?

231
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:02,360
Three hundred and sixty-four more
days till next year's hockey tryouts.

232
00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:04,445
I gotta toughen up. Yeah!

233
00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:07,698
Oh, God, that felt good. Yeah!

234
00:15:07,782 --> 00:15:10,493
Come on, boy. Cut that out.
You're making me sick.

235
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,202
Hey!

236
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:14,747
- So you're a hockey player, huh?
- Yeah.

237
00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:17,583
You're gonna give that shit up.
You're gonna concentrate on golf.

238
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:18,918
Who the hell are you?

239
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,503
I'm the club pro here, Chubbs Peterson.

240
00:15:21,963 --> 00:15:26,217
I'm offering to teach you how to
play golf, personally, for free.

241
00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:27,384
No.

242
00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:30,680
- You have no idea who I am, do you?
- No, l don't.

243
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,516
Back in 1965,

244
00:15:33,890 --> 00:15:37,686
Sports Illustrated said I was going
to be the next Arnold Palmer.

245
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,146
Yeah? And what happened?

246
00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:41,565
They wouldn't let me play
on the Pro Tour anymore.

247
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:43,859
I'm sorry. Because you're black?

248
00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:47,279
Hell, no. Damned alligator bit my hand off.

249
00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:48,822
- Oh, my God!
- Yeah.

250
00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:50,282
Tournament down in Florida.

251
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:52,451
I hooked my ball in the
rough down by the lake,

252
00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:56,121
damned alligator just popped up!
Cut me down in my prime.

253
00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:57,456
He got me,

254
00:15:57,540 --> 00:16:00,918
but I tore one of that bastards
eyes out though. Look at that.

255
00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:03,629
You're pretty sick, Chubbs.

256
00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:07,883
I have never seen anyone who can hit
that ball half as far as you can.

257
00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:09,635
You got real talent, kid.

258
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:11,846
Well, that's nice of you to say

259
00:16:11,929 --> 00:16:14,473
but I've been training to be
a hockey player my whole life.

260
00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:18,143
Golf's no different from hockey.
Requires talent and self-discipline.

261
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:20,729
Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass.

262
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,439
You should talk to my
neighbor, the accountant.

263
00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:24,149
Probably a great golfer. Huge ass.

264
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:27,903
Hey, I bet your neighbor, the accountant,
can't drive the ball four hundred yards.

265
00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:32,658
Bet your neighbor, the accountant,
doesn't have a shot to get on the Pro Tour.

266
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:34,869
How would I do that?

267
00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:38,455
You win the Open tomorrow, you're
automatically on the Pro Tour.

268
00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:42,084
Then, who knows? Maybe you'll win
the Tour Championship one day.

269
00:16:42,250 --> 00:16:44,419
Get that gold jacket like I never got.

270
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:47,298
Gold jacket, green
jacket, who gives a shit?

271
00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:55,180
Don't worry about that.
Made of wood. It's real sturdy.

272
00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:03,147
Oh, boy. Sorry about that.

273
00:17:03,439 --> 00:17:05,774
Look, it was good to meet you, but...

274
00:17:07,902 --> 00:17:09,820
So... All right, I'm out of here.

275
00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:11,989
You know, this is not real smart, kid.

276
00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:15,451
I thought you were pro material,
primed to make the big bucks.

277
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:25,836
Hey, Chubbs, what kind of big bucks?

278
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:36,513
Stupid golf clubs. Why
the hell am I doing this?

279
00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:42,978
Must be Burt Reynolds or something.

280
00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:47,358
Good morning.

281
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:49,443
Son, isn't this great?

282
00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:52,238
Blue skies, fresh-cut
grass, birds chirping.

283
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:54,406
You gonna recite me a poem? Easy.

284
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:57,409
- Jeez, you love this golf stuff, huh?
- Oh, yeah.

285
00:17:57,493 --> 00:18:00,787
Figure a guy your size, well, why didn't
you play a normal sport, like football?

286
00:18:00,870 --> 00:18:02,873
My mama wouldn't sign the permission slip.

287
00:18:02,957 --> 00:18:04,375
Thought it might be a little too dangerous.

288
00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:06,126
Yeah, good call.

289
00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:08,253
Hey, who's that?

290
00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:11,256
The shorter guy on the
right? Doug Thompson.

291
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:12,966
He's the president of the Tour.

292
00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:17,179
The other guy, Shooter McGavin,
leading money-winner this year.

293
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:18,847
Hey, who's the girl?

294
00:18:18,930 --> 00:18:22,684
Hi, I'm Virginia Venit, Director
of Public Relations for the Tour.

295
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:24,436
Of course. I've heard you've done some

296
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,606
really interesting things
here in Public Relations.

297
00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:30,609
Really? Because I'm working on a
cross-promotional thing right now...

298
00:18:30,693 --> 00:18:33,904
Jeez, you know what would be great?
If I could get a Pepsi.

299
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:35,864
Sure.

300
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:39,201
- Oh, miss?
- Yeah.

301
00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:40,870
Diet.

302
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:42,412
Right.

303
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:46,583
By the way, thanks for dressing up.

304
00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:50,713
Hey, if I saw myself in clothes like
those, I'd have to kick my own ass.

305
00:18:51,005 --> 00:18:53,632
<i>Good morning, everyone, and
welcome to the Waterbury Open.</i>

306
00:18:53,716 --> 00:18:57,469
<i>Now, before we tee off, I have
a very special treat for you.</i>

307
00:18:57,553 --> 00:19:00,055
<i>Ladies and gentlemen, Shooter McGavin.</i>

308
00:19:03,434 --> 00:19:04,560
<i>Thank you.</i>

309
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:09,815
<i>Thank you, Doug. You know, I saw Doug
play yesterday, and I gotta tell you,</i>

310
00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:12,651
<i>this guy spends more time in
the sand than David Hasselhoff.</i>

311
00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:15,696
<i>Let me get a little serious on you.</i>

312
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:19,158
<i>Now, you're all aware that today's big
winner will be invited to join the Pro Tour</i>

313
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:20,825
<i>and I just want you to know</i>

314
00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:23,829
<i>that, although only one of
you gets to be my colleague,</i>

315
00:19:23,913 --> 00:19:26,123
<i>all of you are now my friends.</i>

316
00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:31,628
<i>Thank you. Now go get them!</i>

317
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:37,175
Lafferty, Daniel...

318
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:39,594
and Gilmore, Happy.

319
00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:44,725
Hey, where are you going
with those clubs, punk?

320
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:48,228
Mr. Gilmore, I'm your caddy.

321
00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:51,482
Oh, I'm sorry about that. No, no,
no, let me carry these, all right?

322
00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:54,025
They're my grandfather's.
They're pretty old.

323
00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:55,945
Well, what should I do then?

324
00:19:56,445 --> 00:19:59,030
I don't know. Why don't you just watch me

325
00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:01,867
and make sure I don't
do anything stupid, okay?

326
00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:07,289
Mr. Gilmore, Mr. Lafferty
will be teeing off now.

327
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:09,208
All right. Good luck, buddy.

328
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,628
Get out of the way.

329
00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:23,305
Where were you on that one, dipshit?

330
00:20:36,819 --> 00:20:38,862
Probably the only good
one I'll hit all day, huh?

331
00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:41,073
- Yeah.
- Mr. Gilmore, you're up.

332
00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:42,616
All right.

333
00:21:03,053 --> 00:21:04,763
God damn it!

334
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:08,058
Time!

335
00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:11,854
Relax. Just do what we talked about, huh?
Don't even look at the green.

336
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:14,689
Make contact with the ball. There's
no goalie out there to block it.

337
00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:17,193
Remember, it's all in the hip.
Hey, hey, it's all in...

338
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:19,027
Come on, work with me now.

339
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:21,446
It's all in the hips.

340
00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:24,199
Yeah, it's all in the hips.

341
00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:27,244
- It's all in the hips.
- Get off of me!

342
00:21:27,328 --> 00:21:29,496
Hey, just easing the tension, baby.

343
00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:32,791
- Just easing the tension.
- Well, ease it on someone else.

344
00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:52,561
What the hell?

345
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:58,984
Come on. Good. Now we
just worry about putting, huh?

346
00:21:59,068 --> 00:22:00,736
Oh, yeah. Putting.

347
00:22:02,530 --> 00:22:04,782
All right, now, remember what I said, huh?

348
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:07,952
Just use your shoulders to
push the ball, not your arms.

349
00:22:08,035 --> 00:22:10,370
Don't break the wrist, and bring
that putter back just like...

350
00:22:10,454 --> 00:22:14,374
Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're confusing me.
Just let me put the ball in the hole.

351
00:22:14,458 --> 00:22:15,584
All right.

352
00:22:26,595 --> 00:22:27,929
Oh, my.

353
00:22:29,598 --> 00:22:31,099
Is this guy kidding?

354
00:22:50,953 --> 00:22:52,454
This is pathetic.

355
00:23:05,968 --> 00:23:07,844
- Yeah!
- There you go. Good shot.

356
00:23:07,928 --> 00:23:10,055
- It's about time.
- Hey, it is about time.

357
00:23:10,139 --> 00:23:12,099
I mean, I just couldn't
get the ball in the hole.

358
00:23:12,182 --> 00:23:14,642
I wanted to, but I just couldn't do it.

359
00:23:14,727 --> 00:23:16,061
Hey, what are you doing?

360
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:47,342
He shoots, he scores!

361
00:23:47,509 --> 00:23:50,261
Oh, man, that was so
much easier than putting.

362
00:23:50,346 --> 00:23:53,098
I should just try to get the
ball in one shot every time.

363
00:23:53,182 --> 00:23:54,349
Good plan.

364
00:23:54,767 --> 00:23:56,894
- Did you see that?
- Yes. Nice shot.

365
00:23:56,977 --> 00:23:59,604
He just got a hole in one on a par four.

366
00:23:59,688 --> 00:24:01,147
I know, I just said I saw it.

367
00:24:01,230 --> 00:24:04,609
I hope he wins. He's a publicist's dream.

368
00:24:04,693 --> 00:24:09,193
I mean, a guy who can drive the ball
that far, he could really draw a crowd.

369
00:24:09,323 --> 00:24:13,076
You know what else could draw a crowd? A
golfer with an arm growing out of his ass.

370
00:25:25,149 --> 00:25:26,525
All right, now...

371
00:25:26,984 --> 00:25:30,445
you make this one in four or less
shots, you win the tournament.

372
00:25:30,904 --> 00:25:32,071
Four shots.

373
00:25:32,740 --> 00:25:34,283
Just think of it this way.

374
00:25:34,575 --> 00:25:38,203
Other team has pulled
their goalie, it's wide open.

375
00:25:38,370 --> 00:25:40,455
All you gotta do is tap it in.

376
00:25:41,330 --> 00:25:42,832
I can do that.

377
00:26:02,144 --> 00:26:04,563
Don't worry about it.
You're still in good shape.

378
00:26:04,646 --> 00:26:08,316
All you gotta do is just
tap it in. Just tap it in, now.

379
00:26:09,109 --> 00:26:11,277
Hey, just tap it in.

380
00:26:18,077 --> 00:26:21,455
Just tap it in.
Just tap it in.

381
00:26:21,538 --> 00:26:24,541
Give it a little tappy.
Tap, tap, tap-a-roo.

382
00:26:28,670 --> 00:26:32,298
Grandma, Grandma, Grandma, Grandma.

383
00:26:35,677 --> 00:26:37,679
All right! Yeah!

384
00:26:48,398 --> 00:26:51,150
He's gonna be on the Tour. That's super.

385
00:26:54,570 --> 00:26:56,239
That's cute.

386
00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:59,826
Mr. Gilmore, Virginia Venit.

387
00:27:00,369 --> 00:27:03,413
- Hi, I'm PR Director for the Tour.
- Nice to meet you.

388
00:27:03,497 --> 00:27:06,291
I just wanted to say
welcome and congratulations.

389
00:27:06,375 --> 00:27:10,087
I saw that hole in one on a par four.
That's gotta be some kind of record, huh?

390
00:27:10,170 --> 00:27:11,629
Hey, I got a hockey record.

391
00:27:11,713 --> 00:27:13,798
I took my skate off and
tried to stab somebody.

392
00:27:13,882 --> 00:27:16,050
I'm the only guy who ever did that.

393
00:27:16,176 --> 00:27:17,260
That's wonderful.

394
00:27:17,344 --> 00:27:18,803
I'm a little bit bummed, though, you know.

395
00:27:18,887 --> 00:27:20,722
I thought we were gonna
get some money for this.

396
00:27:20,806 --> 00:27:25,306
Oh, well, cheer up. Next week in
Portland, the winner takes home $216,000.

397
00:27:26,728 --> 00:27:29,063
Woah. How about the guy
who comes in last place?

398
00:27:29,148 --> 00:27:30,440
$2,400.

399
00:27:30,524 --> 00:27:33,568
All right! So no matter what,
I'm gonna get some money.

400
00:27:33,902 --> 00:27:34,944
Yeah.

401
00:27:36,697 --> 00:27:39,991
Yeah. Well, I'll see you next week then.

402
00:27:40,826 --> 00:27:42,577
- All right, bye.
- Bye-bye.

403
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:48,291
Hey, man, I hate to admit this,
but this is my first trophy.

404
00:27:48,375 --> 00:27:50,710
Only problem is that goofy golf guy on top.

405
00:27:50,794 --> 00:27:53,588
Maybe the guy at the trophy store
could put a little hockey guy on there.

406
00:27:53,672 --> 00:27:55,799
- Happy, shut your trap.
- All right.

407
00:27:56,090 --> 00:27:58,009
I gotta admit, you were
great out there today.

408
00:27:58,093 --> 00:28:00,428
- Thank you.
- But you weren't that great.

409
00:28:00,596 --> 00:28:01,888
A lot of that was luck.

410
00:28:01,972 --> 00:28:04,599
Well, some might call
it luck. I like to call it,

411
00:28:04,808 --> 00:28:06,559
well, luck, I guess. So what?

412
00:28:06,643 --> 00:28:09,020
So I want you to put off
joining the Pro Tour for a while.

413
00:28:09,104 --> 00:28:11,189
We got a lot of work to
do before you go out there

414
00:28:11,273 --> 00:28:12,607
and compete with those real professionals.

415
00:28:12,690 --> 00:28:14,025
Forget it, Chubbs, I learned a lot today.

416
00:28:14,109 --> 00:28:15,360
I'll pick up the rest as I go along.

417
00:28:15,444 --> 00:28:16,695
Stop being a damn fool!

418
00:28:16,778 --> 00:28:19,363
People would kill to be able
to hit the long ball like you.

419
00:28:19,448 --> 00:28:22,576
You got an advantage over any
man that walks out onto the tee.

420
00:28:22,659 --> 00:28:25,119
All we need to do is
develop the rest of your game.

421
00:28:25,204 --> 00:28:27,080
Then, you'd be unstoppable, son.

422
00:28:27,164 --> 00:28:29,749
You're probably right, but I
just can’t wait. I need money.

423
00:28:29,833 --> 00:28:32,877
That's spoken like a true asshole.
Look, just give me six months.

424
00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:34,879
I'll work with you every day.

425
00:28:35,380 --> 00:28:39,801
No, no, no, no, no, no, I got to go.
I appreciate everything. Wish me luck.

426
00:28:44,223 --> 00:28:46,225
Best of luck, kid. Best of luck.

427
00:28:46,850 --> 00:28:50,019
Marty, if you'd stop yapping your
trap for a second, I could tell you.

428
00:28:50,103 --> 00:28:52,313
The price is $200 per quilt.

429
00:28:52,940 --> 00:28:55,734
Yeah, well, this is handmade
quality shit we're talking here.

430
00:28:55,817 --> 00:28:58,569
Yes, well, when do you
need them by? All right.

431
00:28:58,987 --> 00:29:00,405
Good doing business with you.

432
00:29:00,489 --> 00:29:03,909
Okay, listen up everybody. Turn
up your volumes. Announcement.

433
00:29:04,326 --> 00:29:07,954
I got good news. We're extending arts
and crafts time by four hours today.

434
00:29:08,038 --> 00:29:09,622
My fingers hurt.

435
00:29:09,873 --> 00:29:11,207
What's that?

436
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:13,584
My fingers hurt.

437
00:29:15,670 --> 00:29:19,841
Now your back’s gonna hurt, 'cause
you just pulled landscaping duty.

438
00:29:20,425 --> 00:29:22,218
Anybody else's fingers hurt?

439
00:29:23,929 --> 00:29:25,347
I didn't think so.

440
00:29:26,848 --> 00:29:28,266
Why do you do that to me, huh?

441
00:29:28,350 --> 00:29:30,518
Why do you make me act like that
in front of everybody, huh?

442
00:29:30,602 --> 00:29:33,521
Mr. Gilmore! Hey, toidy's
straight down to the right, dear.

443
00:29:33,605 --> 00:29:35,064
- How's my grandma?
- She's super.

444
00:29:35,148 --> 00:29:37,275
We're just enjoying some arts
and crafts time right now.

445
00:29:37,359 --> 00:29:38,985
Grandma's quite a quilter.

446
00:29:39,069 --> 00:29:41,738
Hey. Wow, that's a
tremendous looking trophy.

447
00:29:41,822 --> 00:29:46,243
Happy, I'm so glad to see you. I'm
glad to see you, too, Grandma.

448
00:29:46,326 --> 00:29:48,828
I've been thinking about you all the time.

449
00:29:48,954 --> 00:29:51,623
Looks like everybody's
having fun here, huh?

450
00:29:51,707 --> 00:29:52,833
Yeah.

451
00:29:56,795 --> 00:30:00,298
Grandma, good news. I made the
Professional Golfers' Tour.

452
00:30:00,382 --> 00:30:02,926
- That's lovely, dear.
- Yeah, it is lovely.

453
00:30:03,010 --> 00:30:04,302
You know what else is lovely?

454
00:30:04,386 --> 00:30:07,305
If I can figure out a way
to beat those other guys,

455
00:30:07,389 --> 00:30:08,973
we're gonna get the house back.

456
00:30:09,057 --> 00:30:10,683
Oh, thank God!

457
00:30:10,767 --> 00:30:13,436
I can't stand to live
in this place another minute.

458
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:15,730
What are you talking about?
I thought you like it here.

459
00:30:15,814 --> 00:30:18,358
That orderly guy seems
very nice. Don't you like him?

460
00:30:18,442 --> 00:30:21,486
Oh, I do. I do. It's just...

461
00:30:21,610 --> 00:30:24,989
Well, the air conditioner's broken.
I'm getting a little warm.

462
00:30:25,073 --> 00:30:27,366
Well, just let the kid fix it for you.

463
00:30:27,700 --> 00:30:30,537
All right, got the little twisty knobs.

464
00:30:31,788 --> 00:30:33,915
That ain't doing it. All right.

465
00:30:37,710 --> 00:30:39,421
Mister! Mister!

466
00:30:39,713 --> 00:30:42,382
Get this off of me! Mister!

467
00:30:42,507 --> 00:30:44,342
Hang on, I'll be right down!

468
00:30:45,302 --> 00:30:48,930
You know that "mister, mister" lady?
I think I just killed her.

469
00:31:01,109 --> 00:31:05,363
What'd you expect? Norman spends more
time in the sand than David Hasselhoff.

470
00:31:06,907 --> 00:31:09,701
Come on, that's funny. Yeah, it was
funny the first time I heard it.

471
00:31:09,785 --> 00:31:13,497
- Drink up, would you?
- Hey, anybody tapped a keg yet? I'll pump.

472
00:31:14,206 --> 00:31:17,042
- Right. I'm Happy Gilmore. What's up?
- Hey, Happy, Mark Lye.

473
00:31:17,125 --> 00:31:18,584
- Welcome to the Tour.
- Thanks.

474
00:31:18,668 --> 00:31:22,129
Yeah, I heard about that ace you had on
that par four. Man, that's impressive.

475
00:31:22,214 --> 00:31:24,216
- You heard about that?
- Yeah.

476
00:31:24,299 --> 00:31:26,426
That's cool. That's a nice jacket.

477
00:31:26,510 --> 00:31:29,763
Yeah, it is, isn't it? They give you
one if you win the Tour Championship.

478
00:31:29,846 --> 00:31:31,722
Oh, yeah? What's that?

479
00:31:32,224 --> 00:31:34,559
Just only the biggest
tournament of the year.

480
00:31:34,643 --> 00:31:36,269
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

481
00:31:36,353 --> 00:31:37,562
Where's yours?

482
00:31:37,646 --> 00:31:39,522
That's good. It is a good
one. He's a funny guy.

483
00:31:39,648 --> 00:31:41,691
I'll have mine in, what,
three months, guys? Yeah.

484
00:31:41,775 --> 00:31:43,693
Not if I have anything
to do with it, you won't.

485
00:31:43,777 --> 00:31:45,779
Whoa, look out.

486
00:31:46,363 --> 00:31:47,655
You better look out boys.

487
00:31:47,739 --> 00:31:49,198
Hey, if you're not doing anything later

488
00:31:49,282 --> 00:31:51,409
why don't you join us at
9:00 on the ninth green?

489
00:31:51,493 --> 00:31:54,454
- What happens there?
- That's a secret of the pros.

490
00:31:54,538 --> 00:31:56,248
All right, cool. Thanks, man.

491
00:31:56,330 --> 00:31:57,915
All right, I'm out of here.

492
00:31:57,999 --> 00:32:00,584
I hear that Asteroids machine
calling my name from the game room.

493
00:32:00,669 --> 00:32:01,836
So, peace.

494
00:32:02,087 --> 00:32:04,422
Oh, and Happy? Dress nice, huh?

495
00:32:04,798 --> 00:32:06,466
All right, all right.

496
00:32:16,810 --> 00:32:18,186
Almost 9:00.

497
00:32:41,042 --> 00:32:44,003
Hey, public relations lady,
you see Shooter McGavin around?

498
00:32:44,087 --> 00:32:45,129
No. Why?

499
00:32:45,213 --> 00:32:47,006
I just need to beat the
living piss out of him.

500
00:32:47,090 --> 00:32:50,218
Wait. Let me guess, the old
"ninth green at 9:00" trick, huh?

501
00:32:50,302 --> 00:32:52,220
It would appear so, now wouldn't it?

502
00:32:52,304 --> 00:32:54,014
You're right. He does deserve a beating.

503
00:32:54,097 --> 00:32:56,974
But if you beat him up tonight,
I've got to get up in the morning

504
00:32:57,058 --> 00:33:00,519
and explain to the papers why the new guy
on the Tour beat up Shooter McGavin.

505
00:33:00,604 --> 00:33:02,897
So you see you'd really
be making more work for me.

506
00:33:02,980 --> 00:33:04,524
I wouldn't want to do that.

507
00:33:04,608 --> 00:33:07,861
Listen, don't worry about Shooter.
He's just threatened by you.

508
00:33:07,944 --> 00:33:10,488
He's worried you're gonna
steal some of his thunder.

509
00:33:10,572 --> 00:33:12,407
That's nice of you to say.

510
00:33:14,576 --> 00:33:18,162
So, all right, I'm gonna
go change now. Okay.

511
00:33:19,748 --> 00:33:23,668
Hey, my girlfriend's dead, you know. She
fell off a cliff and died on impact.

512
00:33:23,752 --> 00:33:26,713
- Really? I'm sorry to hear that.
- Yeah.

513
00:33:28,256 --> 00:33:31,092
You know, you should
get some sleep, Gilmore.

514
00:33:31,176 --> 00:33:32,677
Tomorrow's a big day.

515
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:34,262
You're right. It is.

516
00:33:45,982 --> 00:33:48,859
Hello, everybody. I'm Verne
Lundquist along with Jack Beard.

517
00:33:48,944 --> 00:33:53,281
Looks like we're going to have a nice crowd
here on this sun-sational April morning

518
00:33:53,365 --> 00:33:55,950
for the 22nd annual AT&T Invitational.

519
00:33:56,326 --> 00:33:59,579
<i>The field includes a group of elite
golfers from around the world.</i>

520
00:33:59,663 --> 00:34:03,625
<i>The favorite has to be Shooter McGavin.
He's won three of the last four.</i>

521
00:34:07,879 --> 00:34:09,130
Thanks, man.

522
00:34:09,923 --> 00:34:11,549
Hey, here's my last buck.

523
00:34:11,633 --> 00:34:13,468
This is the last time I'm gonna tell you.

524
00:34:13,552 --> 00:34:17,389
Come on, he's just trying to
make some money. Leave him alone.

525
00:34:19,516 --> 00:34:22,310
I don't know what it is about
this big winning streak I'm on.

526
00:34:22,394 --> 00:34:25,063
I'm in the zone. What can I say?
The hole just seems to get bigger.

527
00:34:25,146 --> 00:34:26,730
How does it feel to be the favorite?

528
00:34:26,815 --> 00:34:28,233
I certainly don't think I'm the favorite.

529
00:34:28,316 --> 00:34:30,526
With all great players here today,
it's really anyone's tournament.

530
00:34:30,610 --> 00:34:32,194
I'm just trying to do
the best I can out there.

531
00:34:32,279 --> 00:34:34,114
I tell you, the real winner
today's the city of Portland.

532
00:34:34,197 --> 00:34:36,157
Every time I come here,
it gets harder to leave.

533
00:34:36,240 --> 00:34:38,034
I think you guys put
something in the water.

534
00:34:38,118 --> 00:34:39,744
Excuse me, I gotta go
play a little golf.

535
00:34:39,828 --> 00:34:40,954
- Good luck.
- Thanks.

536
00:34:41,997 --> 00:34:44,874
Hi, I'm a hockey player,
but I'm playing golf today.

537
00:34:45,166 --> 00:34:47,084
- Name?
- Happy Gilmore.

538
00:34:47,586 --> 00:34:49,546
Oh, the guy with the long drive.

539
00:34:49,670 --> 00:34:52,882
- What's your caddy's name?
- You guys haven't given me one yet.

540
00:34:52,966 --> 00:34:55,510
On the Pro Tour, you
provide your own caddy.

541
00:34:55,677 --> 00:34:56,803
Really?

542
00:34:58,930 --> 00:35:00,014
All right.

543
00:35:02,350 --> 00:35:05,519
Hey, easy with those clubs,
all right? They're antiques.

544
00:35:07,397 --> 00:35:10,233
Gary Potter. Great to have
you on the Tour, Happy.

545
00:35:10,442 --> 00:35:12,402
I feel a lot of solid
energy coming out of you.

546
00:35:12,485 --> 00:35:15,321
Good positive aura.
Great, great, it's all great.

547
00:35:15,405 --> 00:35:17,323
Yeah, yeah. Nice to meet you, man.

548
00:35:17,407 --> 00:35:20,743
Is it always like this, with the TV
cameras, and the people, and stuff?

549
00:35:20,827 --> 00:35:23,287
Yeah, a lot of pressure.
You gotta rise above it.

550
00:35:23,370 --> 00:35:26,582
You gotta harness in the good
energy, block out the bad.

551
00:35:26,708 --> 00:35:29,127
Harness energy, block bad.

552
00:35:29,210 --> 00:35:32,171
Feel the flow, Happy.
Feel it. It's circular.

553
00:35:32,255 --> 00:35:34,799
It's like a carousel. You pay the
quarter, you get on the horse.

554
00:35:34,883 --> 00:35:36,926
It goes up and down and around.

555
00:35:37,010 --> 00:35:40,346
Circular. Circle. With the music, the flow.

556
00:35:40,472 --> 00:35:41,806
All good things.

557
00:35:41,890 --> 00:35:45,476
Yeah, all right. Well, great.
Thanks a lot. Nice to meet you, man.

558
00:35:45,894 --> 00:35:47,061
Psycho.

559
00:35:47,812 --> 00:35:50,397
Next to tee off, Happy Gilmore.

560
00:35:51,775 --> 00:35:53,526
All right, give me a club.

561
00:35:55,403 --> 00:35:56,570
I'll get it.

562
00:36:21,470 --> 00:36:22,638
Sorry.

563
00:36:27,686 --> 00:36:28,687
Psycho.

564
00:36:45,203 --> 00:36:47,872
What a shot by Happy Gilmore!

565
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:50,416
- Who the hell is Happy Gilmore?
- I don't know.

566
00:37:12,313 --> 00:37:13,772
Oh, yeah!

567
00:37:18,653 --> 00:37:19,987
You like that, baby?

568
00:37:20,070 --> 00:37:22,573
<i>Plenty more where that came from! Yeah!</i>

569
00:37:24,659 --> 00:37:27,161
Get Virginia Venit in here, immediately.

570
00:37:27,370 --> 00:37:28,788
I think you should use a five iron.

571
00:37:28,872 --> 00:37:31,165
You think so? Give me my wedge.

572
00:37:45,138 --> 00:37:48,599
Five iron, huh? Well,
you're fired. Bye-bye.

573
00:38:02,739 --> 00:38:05,575
What are you doing, Happy, riding a bull?

574
00:38:05,658 --> 00:38:07,785
You're acting like a damn fool!

575
00:38:13,540 --> 00:38:17,670
Doing the bull dance. Feeling the flow.
Working it. Working it.

576
00:38:17,754 --> 00:38:19,005
<i>-On the 18th green</i>

577
00:38:19,088 --> 00:38:21,006
<i>Shooter McGavin is putting for the win.</i>

578
00:38:21,090 --> 00:38:25,427
Maybe it's just me, but his crowd seems
unusually small for this type of moment.

579
00:38:31,100 --> 00:38:32,768
<i>I think most people have found their way</i>

580
00:38:32,852 --> 00:38:34,395
<i>over to Happy Gilmore.</i>

581
00:38:34,479 --> 00:38:37,231
He's been the talk of the course
today, with his huge drives

582
00:38:37,315 --> 00:38:39,483
and his amazingly bizarre behavior.

583
00:38:39,818 --> 00:38:44,318
<i>He's on the 17th green right now, having
a little trouble closing out his day.</i>

584
00:38:44,530 --> 00:38:47,492
Happy, the ball itself has its own energy

585
00:38:47,867 --> 00:38:49,201
or life force, if you will.

586
00:38:49,285 --> 00:38:51,787
Its natural environment is in the hole.

587
00:38:52,539 --> 00:38:54,582
So why don't you send him home?

588
00:38:55,166 --> 00:38:58,043
His bags are packed.
He's got his airplane tickets.

589
00:38:58,169 --> 00:38:59,920
Bring him to the airport.

590
00:39:00,630 --> 00:39:01,881
Send him home.

591
00:39:02,130 --> 00:39:03,924
Yeah. Send him home.

592
00:39:04,259 --> 00:39:05,843
I'll just send him home.

593
00:39:05,927 --> 00:39:08,346
It's time to go home there, ball.

594
00:39:12,058 --> 00:39:13,684
You son of a bitch, ball!

595
00:39:13,768 --> 00:39:16,979
Why didn't you just go
home? That's your home!

596
00:39:17,063 --> 00:39:20,024
Are you too good for your home? Answer me!

597
00:39:20,316 --> 00:39:22,735
Suck my white ass, ball!

598
00:39:24,570 --> 00:39:26,281
- Hey!
- Hey, look out!

599
00:39:28,533 --> 00:39:31,035
Virginia, put out a
press release concerning

600
00:39:31,119 --> 00:39:32,870
Happy Gilmore being thrown off the Tour.

601
00:39:32,954 --> 00:39:34,622
I want to see a draft by 6:00 p.m.

602
00:39:34,706 --> 00:39:36,874
You're right. He was out of line.

603
00:39:36,958 --> 00:39:39,293
His behavior is completely unacceptable.

604
00:39:39,586 --> 00:39:43,131
But, you know, golf has been
waiting for a player like this.

605
00:39:43,256 --> 00:39:45,925
A colorful, emotional, working-class hero.

606
00:39:46,009 --> 00:39:49,387
I will not tolerate behavior
like this. Gilmore is gone.

607
00:39:49,470 --> 00:39:51,221
I just got a call from the Dallas Open.

608
00:39:51,306 --> 00:39:55,393
Their phones have been ringing off the
hook with people who want to see Happy.

609
00:39:55,476 --> 00:39:57,352
- They just sold out.
- Already?

610
00:39:57,437 --> 00:40:00,773
I know, he's a little rough around
the edges, but let me work with him.

611
00:40:03,318 --> 00:40:04,319
Okay.

612
00:40:04,652 --> 00:40:07,154
Fine. But he's your responsibility.

613
00:40:07,238 --> 00:40:09,448
If he cleans up his act, he can stay.

614
00:40:09,532 --> 00:40:11,825
If he doesn't, it's your ass.

615
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:13,828
And any more of this

616
00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:18,582
and he's gone.

617
00:40:26,758 --> 00:40:28,634
- Shooter!
- Shooter!

618
00:40:28,718 --> 00:40:30,594
What do you think of Happy Gilmore?

619
00:40:30,678 --> 00:40:33,889
I didn't get a chance to see
him play. I was too busy winning.

620
00:40:33,973 --> 00:40:36,600
You gotta admit, though, it's a
hell of a drive. 450 yards, huh?

621
00:40:36,684 --> 00:40:38,852
Yeah, how did he finish, again? Dead last?

622
00:40:39,187 --> 00:40:41,147
Yeah, yeah. He had a
good day though. Thanks.

623
00:40:41,230 --> 00:40:43,565
Is it true that he made
a 450-yard hole in one?

624
00:40:43,690 --> 00:40:46,235
Hey, where's my check? We'll be
mailing them out next week, sir.

625
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:49,447
- No, no, I want mine now.
- I don't have any checks to give.

626
00:40:49,530 --> 00:40:53,200
Well, that guy got one, right? Give me
one of them big ones, I don't care.

627
00:40:55,244 --> 00:40:57,955
- Hiya, pal. How about a beer?
- Hey, put that on my tab.

628
00:40:58,373 --> 00:41:00,333
That was quite a show
you put on today, Gilmore.

629
00:41:00,458 --> 00:41:02,835
- You were the talk of the tournament.
- Wow, thanks a lot.

630
00:41:02,919 --> 00:41:05,546
Yeah. You really crushed that ball
off the tee, I'll tell you what.

631
00:41:05,630 --> 00:41:07,965
You know, you'd be something in
one of those long-drive contests.

632
00:41:08,049 --> 00:41:11,552
You can probably get a very good living,
traveling around, hustling at driving ranges.

633
00:41:11,636 --> 00:41:13,220
- Thanks, Phil.
- That's, that's, that's...

634
00:41:13,304 --> 00:41:16,724
You know, I know what you're doing
right now, and I don't like it.

635
00:41:16,808 --> 00:41:20,394
So why don't you just shut your
trap before I put my foot in it.

636
00:41:21,896 --> 00:41:23,814
Don't turn your back on me.

637
00:41:23,898 --> 00:41:26,317
Let's get one thing straight,
this is Shooter's tour.

638
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:29,779
I've worked hard my whole life, paid
my dues, and now, it's Shooter's turn.

639
00:41:29,862 --> 00:41:33,156
And Shooter's not about to let his reign
at the top be spoiled by some freak

640
00:41:33,240 --> 00:41:34,492
sideshow clown.

641
00:41:34,575 --> 00:41:36,243
Did you just call me a freak?

642
00:41:36,619 --> 00:41:39,163
I was on this tour for one reason, money.

643
00:41:39,247 --> 00:41:41,874
But now I got a new
reason, kicking your ass.

644
00:41:41,958 --> 00:41:44,460
Well, I'd like to see you try.

645
00:41:45,086 --> 00:41:46,587
Let's do it.

646
00:41:47,422 --> 00:41:48,881
I meant on a golf course.

647
00:41:48,965 --> 00:41:51,008
Hey. Hey, what is going on here, huh?

648
00:41:51,092 --> 00:41:54,011
I was just looking for the
other half of this bottle.

649
00:41:54,095 --> 00:41:57,223
And... Oh, there's some of it.
There's some, right there, too.

650
00:41:57,348 --> 00:41:59,767
- Why don't you just put it down?
- Yeah, I know.

651
00:42:00,518 --> 00:42:04,897
Just stay out of my way,
or you'll pay. Listen to what I say.

652
00:42:05,064 --> 00:42:07,024
How about I just go eat some hay?

653
00:42:07,108 --> 00:42:10,027
I could make things out
of clay and lay by the bay.

654
00:42:10,110 --> 00:42:12,029
I just may. What do you say?

655
00:42:17,368 --> 00:42:20,037
You better calm down or you're
gonna get kicked off this Tour.

656
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:21,372
That can't happen.

657
00:42:21,456 --> 00:42:23,541
Yes, it can happen, and
I don't want it to happen.

658
00:42:23,624 --> 00:42:25,417
You could be a big star on the Tour.

659
00:42:25,500 --> 00:42:27,544
I don't wanna be a big star,
I wanna make some money.

660
00:42:27,628 --> 00:42:29,880
You're not going to be around
long enough to make money

661
00:42:29,964 --> 00:42:31,173
unless you start behaving.

662
00:42:31,257 --> 00:42:33,425
All right, take it easy. What
do you mean by "behaving"?

663
00:42:33,509 --> 00:42:35,802
I mean, no swearing, no throwing clubs

664
00:42:35,887 --> 00:42:38,723
and especially no hitting other players.

665
00:42:38,806 --> 00:42:40,974
- Oh, good, you mean no fun.
- No, no, no.

666
00:42:41,059 --> 00:42:42,643
No, you can have fun.

667
00:42:42,727 --> 00:42:45,396
And that's why I think people
are gonna come to see you.

668
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:47,773
But you've got to keep it within reason.

669
00:42:48,566 --> 00:42:51,694
All right, I will work on
what you call "behaving."

670
00:42:51,778 --> 00:42:53,780
But I ain't gonna act
like a stiff out there.

671
00:42:53,863 --> 00:42:55,531
Fine. Thank you.

672
00:42:59,202 --> 00:43:01,454
What are doing now?
You wanna get some food?

673
00:43:01,537 --> 00:43:04,164
No thanks. I don't date golfers.

674
00:43:04,248 --> 00:43:06,458
Good, 'cause I'm a hockey player.

675
00:43:08,836 --> 00:43:10,879
Just behave, okay?

676
00:43:13,674 --> 00:43:16,176
<i>Happy Gilmore makes his way to the tee</i>

677
00:43:16,260 --> 00:43:18,011
<i>in the 72nd annual Cleveland Classic.</i>

678
00:43:18,638 --> 00:43:21,682
Hey, Happy Gilmore! Drive it 400 yards!

679
00:43:21,766 --> 00:43:24,435
Oh, my God. I mean, I
can't believe I have fans.

680
00:43:24,519 --> 00:43:26,437
I've been waiting my whole life for this.

681
00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:27,522
Uh-oh.

682
00:43:27,688 --> 00:43:29,523
Don't be alarmed, Mr. Gilmore.

683
00:43:29,607 --> 00:43:32,776
I know we had our problems,
but I'm truly proud of you.

684
00:43:33,152 --> 00:43:35,612
Hey, thanks a lot, Mr. Larson.

685
00:43:35,696 --> 00:43:37,030
It's good to see you again.

686
00:43:37,115 --> 00:43:39,784
How's that thing feeling?

687
00:43:40,118 --> 00:43:42,620
Terrific. The nail comes out next week.

688
00:43:42,703 --> 00:43:44,871
Well, you can hardly even notice it.

689
00:43:49,210 --> 00:43:51,128
Let's make a little noise here, huh?

690
00:43:53,214 --> 00:43:55,382
Come on! I can't hear you!

691
00:44:22,243 --> 00:44:24,286
Trying to reach the
green from here, Shooter?

692
00:44:24,370 --> 00:44:26,080
That's not possible, sir.

693
00:44:26,247 --> 00:44:27,623
I beg to differ.

694
00:44:27,832 --> 00:44:31,460
Happy Gilmore accomplished that
feat no more than an hour ago.

695
00:44:31,627 --> 00:44:35,213
Well, moron, good for
Happy Gilmore... Oh, my God!

696
00:44:45,933 --> 00:44:47,142
Oh, my God.

697
00:44:53,940 --> 00:44:55,025
Come on.

698
00:44:55,109 --> 00:44:57,945
Hey, Shooter, haven't you
forgotten your nine iron?

699
00:45:02,575 --> 00:45:07,075
Quite a large and economically diverse
crowd here at the Michelob Invitational.

700
00:45:07,205 --> 00:45:10,166
<i>I guess it's the new tour
sensation, Happy Gilmore,</i>

701
00:45:10,249 --> 00:45:13,418
<i>who's attracting all sorts of
people to this beautiful course.</i>

702
00:45:13,502 --> 00:45:16,087
Jack, I think I even saw
one guy wearing one of those

703
00:45:16,172 --> 00:45:18,465
beer-dispensing plastic helmets.

704
00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:30,519
Damn you people. Go back to your shanties.

705
00:45:31,395 --> 00:45:35,232
This is a biggie, pal. Time's ticking
away. I got to make some real money.

706
00:45:35,316 --> 00:45:37,901
What do you think? Slightly downhill?

707
00:45:37,985 --> 00:45:39,236
And slanting left.

708
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:42,531
No, no, it just seems that way
'cause you only got one shoe on.

709
00:45:44,075 --> 00:45:45,242
Oh, yeah.

710
00:46:31,706 --> 00:46:33,124
You got the ball?

711
00:46:42,466 --> 00:46:44,426
<i>Happy Gilmore from nine feet.</i>

712
00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:46,678
<i>Here comes the putter throw.</i>

713
00:46:46,887 --> 00:46:51,308
<i>Wait. He's restrained himself.
Maybe this is a new Happy Gilmore.</i>

714
00:46:52,143 --> 00:46:53,936
- Very good.
- Yeah.

715
00:46:56,063 --> 00:46:59,441
<i>Another tournament in Dallas, and
another Shooter McGavin victory.</i>

716
00:46:59,525 --> 00:47:01,902
<i>He's now won here three years in a row.</i>

717
00:47:15,207 --> 00:47:16,958
That son of a bitch!

718
00:47:17,752 --> 00:47:21,964
Give me my ball! Give it here!
Cough it up, you dirty bastard!

719
00:47:22,048 --> 00:47:25,051
I swear to God, I'll rip it
out of you! Give me the...

720
00:47:25,509 --> 00:47:27,344
Give me the ball, alligator.

721
00:47:31,766 --> 00:47:33,476
You've got one eye.

722
00:47:35,060 --> 00:47:36,270
Chubbs.

723
00:47:37,020 --> 00:47:38,480
You took his hand.

724
00:48:20,815 --> 00:48:22,983
That Happy Gilmore, he's
a real crack-up, isn't he?

725
00:48:23,067 --> 00:48:24,568
- Yeah.
- I mean, he's a hoot!

726
00:48:24,652 --> 00:48:27,571
- Well, he's bringing in some big crowds.
- Yeah.

727
00:48:27,655 --> 00:48:30,532
You know, what was great today,
one of his fans mooned me

728
00:48:30,616 --> 00:48:32,200
and had "Happy" written on his ass.

729
00:48:32,284 --> 00:48:35,370
"Ha" on the one cheek, and then, sure
enough, "P-P-Y" right there on the other.

730
00:48:35,454 --> 00:48:37,706
I think it's great what
he's doing for the sport.

731
00:48:37,790 --> 00:48:40,000
Well, yeah, I'm beginning to come around.

732
00:48:40,084 --> 00:48:41,960
Yeah, everyone seems to be coming around.

733
00:48:42,044 --> 00:48:43,587
Well, I'm not, Doug!

734
00:48:43,670 --> 00:48:45,464
This man is destroying golf.

735
00:48:45,548 --> 00:48:48,926
I saw two big, fat, naked bikers,
in the woods off 17, having sex.

736
00:48:49,009 --> 00:48:51,219
How am I supposed to chip
with that going on, Doug?

737
00:48:51,345 --> 00:48:54,431
You've got to kick him off the Tour.
He's not breaking any rules.

738
00:48:54,515 --> 00:48:57,267
And until he does... But
he's a disgrace to the game!

739
00:48:57,350 --> 00:48:59,728
You may be right, but our ratings are up

740
00:48:59,812 --> 00:49:02,189
and we're attracting
new, youthful sponsors.

741
00:49:02,523 --> 00:49:03,982
I'm sorry, Shooter.

742
00:49:04,233 --> 00:49:06,026
There's nothing I can do.

743
00:49:09,405 --> 00:49:12,324
Well, I guess I'll have to
take care of this myself.

744
00:49:13,284 --> 00:49:16,996
Grandma, I came in
ninth place. I won $35,000.

745
00:49:17,079 --> 00:49:18,914
So we'll get the house back?

746
00:49:18,998 --> 00:49:22,042
As long as I don't come in last
place in the next two tournaments,

747
00:49:22,293 --> 00:49:23,794
<i>we'll get the money in time.</i>

748
00:49:23,878 --> 00:49:25,838
That's wonderful, Happy.

749
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:27,672
I love you, Grandma. Bye.

750
00:49:27,756 --> 00:49:29,257
Goodbye, darling.

751
00:49:34,180 --> 00:49:35,472
Hey, Virginia.

752
00:49:35,556 --> 00:49:38,058
You know we should go on that date.
I have been pretty good lately.

753
00:49:38,142 --> 00:49:39,935
Oh, really? What is this I hear about you

754
00:49:40,019 --> 00:49:41,770
breaking a rake and
throwing it into the woods?

755
00:49:41,854 --> 00:49:45,607
What? I didn't break it. I was
just testing its durability.

756
00:49:45,690 --> 00:49:48,652
And then I placed it in the
woods because it's made of wood

757
00:49:48,736 --> 00:49:51,071
and I just thought he
should be with his family.

758
00:49:52,156 --> 00:49:54,199
At least I didn't punch anybody.

759
00:49:54,992 --> 00:49:58,829
All right. Okay, we'll go on a date.
But just as friends, all right?

760
00:49:59,288 --> 00:50:02,666
Yeah, just as friends. Slow down. I
don't want to be more than friends.

761
00:50:02,750 --> 00:50:04,334
I just met you.

762
00:50:08,464 --> 00:50:09,798
They fit you okay?

763
00:50:09,882 --> 00:50:12,843
Yeah, I haven't skated
since I was a little kid so...

764
00:50:15,513 --> 00:50:18,349
Hey, pal, can we get a little time here?

765
00:50:19,517 --> 00:50:23,020
- For Happy Gilmore, anything.
- Thanks.

766
00:50:25,856 --> 00:50:28,525
- You used to play ice hockey?
- Shut up.

767
00:50:31,028 --> 00:50:32,863
Oh, my God, power failure.

768
00:50:33,197 --> 00:50:35,199
It's getting very scary in here.

769
00:50:35,490 --> 00:50:37,576
- Did you set this up?
- No.

770
00:50:42,580 --> 00:50:45,292
I thought we were gonna be just friends.

771
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:49,463
What? Friends listen to
<i>Endless Love</i> in the dark.

772
00:51:03,644 --> 00:51:07,022
This song reminds me of seventh grade.

773
00:51:07,606 --> 00:51:10,025
This song reminds me of my grandmother.

774
00:51:10,317 --> 00:51:11,651
That's kind of weird.

775
00:51:11,735 --> 00:51:13,778
She took me to see this movie.

776
00:51:13,862 --> 00:51:16,114
I, like, got the biggest
crush on Brooke Shields.

777
00:51:16,198 --> 00:51:17,782
- Really?
- Yeah.

778
00:51:17,992 --> 00:51:21,996
And my grandma told me I should write
her a letter, you know, so I did.

779
00:51:22,329 --> 00:51:25,165
And I got a letter back from
Brooke like two weeks later

780
00:51:25,332 --> 00:51:28,001
but it was in my grandmother's handwriting.

781
00:51:29,003 --> 00:51:30,838
Your grandma sounds sweet.

782
00:51:30,963 --> 00:51:34,174
She is sweet. That's
why I feel so terrible.

783
00:51:34,883 --> 00:51:35,967
Why?

784
00:51:37,344 --> 00:51:39,012
No, no, forget it.

785
00:51:39,972 --> 00:51:42,474
No, no, no. It's okay, you can tell me.

786
00:51:43,183 --> 00:51:45,518
It's just she's stuck in
a damn nursing home.

787
00:51:45,603 --> 00:51:47,688
The IRS repossessed her house.

788
00:51:48,355 --> 00:51:49,689
That's awful.

789
00:51:49,940 --> 00:51:51,566
That's why I joined the Tour

790
00:51:51,650 --> 00:51:53,985
and I'm pretty close to
getting her house back but...

791
00:51:54,069 --> 00:51:57,197
Look, don't tell anybody about
this, I'm kind of embarrassed.

792
00:51:58,240 --> 00:52:00,659
Don't worry. I won't tell anybody.

793
00:52:01,994 --> 00:52:04,371
Hey, I'll make you a bet.

794
00:52:05,580 --> 00:52:08,375
- Do you always carry a puck around?
- Yeah.

795
00:52:10,169 --> 00:52:14,173
All right, now, if you get that
puck in that net over there,

796
00:52:14,423 --> 00:52:17,342
I'll never bother you again.

797
00:52:18,010 --> 00:52:20,804
But if you miss

798
00:52:21,388 --> 00:52:23,890
you gotta give me a big, fat kiss.

799
00:52:24,516 --> 00:52:26,809
And you got to pretend
that you like it, too.

800
00:52:26,935 --> 00:52:28,102
Really?

801
00:52:28,479 --> 00:52:29,563
Good luck.

802
00:52:42,785 --> 00:52:44,119
Holy shit.

803
00:52:44,995 --> 00:52:47,539
Talk about your all-time backfires.

804
00:52:49,083 --> 00:52:50,209
Happy.

805
00:52:53,420 --> 00:52:55,171
I didn't see it go in.

806
00:53:37,339 --> 00:53:39,341
<i>Welcome to soggy San Francisco,</i>

807
00:53:39,425 --> 00:53:42,094
<i>the site of this year's Pepsi Pro-Am.</i>

808
00:53:42,803 --> 00:53:45,263
How you doing Happy? I'm Bob Barker.

809
00:53:45,347 --> 00:53:47,557
Wow, what an honor. Nice to meet you.

810
00:53:47,640 --> 00:53:50,477
Looks like you and I are gonna
be playing together today.

811
00:53:51,060 --> 00:53:53,605
That's funny. Who am I really playing with?

812
00:53:53,689 --> 00:53:55,023
This is a Pro-Am, Happy.

813
00:53:55,107 --> 00:53:57,526
Each golfer is playing
with a celebrity. Wow.

814
00:53:57,650 --> 00:54:00,195
You know, Nick Faldo
and I won this thing last year

815
00:54:00,279 --> 00:54:02,239
and I'd like to win it again this year.

816
00:54:02,322 --> 00:54:04,157
All right, I'll do my best.

817
00:54:04,908 --> 00:54:06,367
Hey, Gilmore?

818
00:54:06,744 --> 00:54:09,246
You suck, you jackass.

819
00:54:09,496 --> 00:54:11,164
Why don't you shut the hell up?

820
00:54:13,167 --> 00:54:15,252
I'd love to punch that
guy in the face right now

821
00:54:15,335 --> 00:54:17,337
but I can't, you know,
because I'd get in trouble.

822
00:54:17,420 --> 00:54:19,464
I bet you got a lot of
that on <i>Let's Make A Deal.</i>

823
00:54:19,548 --> 00:54:21,675
It's <i>The Price Is Right</i>, Happy.

824
00:54:21,842 --> 00:54:23,009
Oh, yeah. Sorry.

825
00:54:23,050 --> 00:54:25,511
- It happens. Let's play some golf.
- Okay.

826
00:54:31,018 --> 00:54:32,352
Jackass.

827
00:54:36,106 --> 00:54:38,358
The club went further than the ball.

828
00:54:39,568 --> 00:54:41,486
What the hell was that all about?

829
00:54:41,570 --> 00:54:45,073
It's just that, you know, it's
rainy, and that guy, and it just...

830
00:54:45,157 --> 00:54:46,741
It just slipped.

831
00:54:53,373 --> 00:54:56,084
You're gonna need a
blanket and suntan lotion

832
00:54:56,168 --> 00:54:58,461
'cause you're never
gonna get off that beach!

833
00:54:58,545 --> 00:55:02,257
Just the way you never got
into the NHL, you jackass!

834
00:55:09,515 --> 00:55:11,725
The green's that way. You're...

835
00:55:18,774 --> 00:55:21,610
You will not make this putt, you jackass.

836
00:55:27,574 --> 00:55:29,450
Nice shooting, soldier.

837
00:55:33,539 --> 00:55:35,582
All right, Happy,

838
00:55:36,083 --> 00:55:37,667
nice and easy.

839
00:55:43,257 --> 00:55:45,592
That was not nice and easy.

840
00:55:50,138 --> 00:55:52,098
That guy's driving me crazy.

841
00:55:52,432 --> 00:55:56,310
You know what's driving me crazy?
You not getting the ball in the hole.

842
00:55:56,603 --> 00:55:59,230
Don't push me, Bob. Now's not the time.

843
00:56:04,110 --> 00:56:05,403
Jackass.

844
00:56:10,284 --> 00:56:11,743
This guy sucks.

845
00:56:13,245 --> 00:56:17,415
We haven't seen Happy Gilmore play
this badly since his first day on Tour.

846
00:56:17,624 --> 00:56:20,668
<i>He and Bob Barker are now dead last.</i>

847
00:56:21,086 --> 00:56:23,129
I can't believe you're
a professional golfer.

848
00:56:23,213 --> 00:56:25,506
I think you should be
working at the snack bar.

849
00:56:25,590 --> 00:56:27,050
You better relax, Bob.

850
00:56:27,134 --> 00:56:31,634
There is no way that you could have been
as bad at hockey as you are at golf.

851
00:56:31,847 --> 00:56:33,265
All right, let's go.

852
00:56:35,058 --> 00:56:38,019
You like that, old man?
You want a piece of me?

853
00:56:38,812 --> 00:56:42,106
I don't want a piece of
you. I want the whole thing!

854
00:56:57,205 --> 00:56:59,498
Now you're gonna get it, Bobby!

855
00:57:18,477 --> 00:57:19,603
Happy!

856
00:57:19,686 --> 00:57:21,771
The price is wrong, bitch.

857
00:57:32,950 --> 00:57:34,743
I think you've had enough.

858
00:57:35,953 --> 00:57:37,120
No?

859
00:57:39,498 --> 00:57:41,166
Now you've had enough.

860
00:57:42,125 --> 00:57:43,334
Bitch.

861
00:57:46,296 --> 00:57:47,964
Wow, that couldn't have gone any better.

862
00:57:48,048 --> 00:57:50,383
- Instead of hitting you, he hits Bob Barker.
- Yeah.

863
00:57:51,093 --> 00:57:52,135
Perfect.

864
00:57:52,219 --> 00:57:54,512
We're good, huh? So, I'll see you
at the next tournament, right?

865
00:57:54,596 --> 00:57:58,600
Oh, no, that won't be necessary.
This was on national TV. Gilmore's gone.

866
00:57:58,850 --> 00:58:02,728
Well, look, let's get something to eat.
There's a Red Lobster nearby. My treat.

867
00:58:02,813 --> 00:58:04,231
Maybe some other time.

868
00:58:04,314 --> 00:58:06,691
Shooter, I thought we
were gonna be friends.

869
00:58:06,775 --> 00:58:09,277
Oh, we're friends,
we are. I just got to go.

870
00:58:09,360 --> 00:58:13,198
Okay, well, I'll be at the Red Lobster
in case you change your mind, Shooter.

871
00:58:13,657 --> 00:58:14,824
God bless!

872
00:58:15,742 --> 00:58:16,993
There you are.

873
00:58:17,077 --> 00:58:19,496
Hey, Happy Gilmore, come on down!

874
00:58:19,579 --> 00:58:21,914
Thank you, Shooter. Sit down Mr. Gilmore.

875
00:58:22,790 --> 00:58:26,669
So you had a fight with a
game show host on national TV.

876
00:58:26,753 --> 00:58:28,796
I don't consider that entertainment.

877
00:58:28,880 --> 00:58:32,091
This is not hockey, Mr. Gilmore,
no matter how much you want it to be.

878
00:58:32,175 --> 00:58:35,720
I know that and I'm sorry,
okay, but it wasn't my fault.

879
00:58:35,804 --> 00:58:37,806
There was some guy out there giving me crap

880
00:58:37,889 --> 00:58:40,308
and it took every ounce
of my energy not to hit him.

881
00:58:40,392 --> 00:58:43,186
So you decided to headbutt Bob Barker.

882
00:58:43,270 --> 00:58:45,730
- Who won that fight, anyway?
- That's enough, Shooter.

883
00:58:45,814 --> 00:58:47,899
The board is taking the following action.

884
00:58:47,983 --> 00:58:50,902
You'll be fined $25,000 and
suspended for one month.

885
00:58:50,986 --> 00:58:52,696
- Suspended! I got to play!
- Suspended!

886
00:58:52,779 --> 00:58:54,655
Doug, kick him off the Tour.

887
00:58:54,780 --> 00:58:57,575
Well, the board thinks
that that might be extreme

888
00:58:57,659 --> 00:59:00,995
considering the fact
that our ratings were the

889
00:59:01,747 --> 00:59:03,540
highest that we've ever had.

890
00:59:03,623 --> 00:59:06,375
Doug, look, my grandmother's
house got repossessed.

891
00:59:06,460 --> 00:59:08,712
If I can't make some prize
money in the next tournament

892
00:59:08,795 --> 00:59:10,797
they could sell it to somebody else.

893
00:59:10,880 --> 00:59:12,799
Well, whoop-de-doo. Get out.

894
00:59:18,472 --> 00:59:20,724
I don't wanna hear it. It's over.

895
00:59:20,807 --> 00:59:23,309
My grandmother's never
gonna see her house again.

896
00:59:23,393 --> 00:59:27,647
Yeah, but you've made a lot of money.
You could get her a really nice condo.

897
00:59:27,730 --> 00:59:31,067
My grandfather didn't build any
condos with his bare hands.

898
00:59:31,150 --> 00:59:34,404
God damn it, I hate that Bob Barker.

899
00:59:34,488 --> 00:59:37,741
Okay, there has got be
another way to get the $50,000.

900
00:59:37,824 --> 00:59:40,243
I don't even want to talk
about it anymore, all right?

901
00:59:40,327 --> 00:59:41,911
I failed, okay?

902
00:59:42,162 --> 00:59:45,790
Let me just sit here and enjoy the one
thing that makes me a little bit happy,

903
00:59:45,874 --> 00:59:48,835
this fresh, delicious, tasty,

904
00:59:49,002 --> 00:59:51,212
meaty, turkey-filled...

905
00:59:51,338 --> 00:59:55,838
Cold Cut Combo. I eat three
every day to help keep me strong.

906
00:59:56,426 --> 00:59:59,220
<i>Hey, Happy, can I have one of those?</i>

907
00:59:59,846 --> 01:00:01,514
<i>Coming right up!</i>

908
01:00:07,145 --> 01:00:09,605
<i>Talk about a hole in one.</i>

909
01:00:09,856 --> 01:00:12,859
<i>Subway sandwiches will
drive away your hunger.</i>

910
01:00:13,860 --> 01:00:15,862
- What do you think, Grandma Gilmore?
- I love it.

911
01:00:15,946 --> 01:00:18,782
And he looks so handsome.
And it makes me hungry.

912
01:00:18,865 --> 01:00:22,785
Oh, really? Well, they gave me this card.
It gives us free Subway for life.

913
01:00:22,869 --> 01:00:24,245
That's lovely, dear.

914
01:00:24,329 --> 01:00:26,331
Lovely. You know what else is lovely?

915
01:00:26,414 --> 01:00:29,750
That commercial put us up to $275,000.

916
01:00:30,168 --> 01:00:32,795
- Let's go get your house back.
- Oh, Happy.

917
01:00:41,930 --> 01:00:43,473
What the hell?

918
01:00:47,185 --> 01:00:48,227
Hey!

919
01:00:48,728 --> 01:00:52,398
- What's going on here?
- I'm glad you made it. This is very exciting.

920
01:00:52,482 --> 01:00:54,484
We're gonna auction off
your grandmother's house.

921
01:00:54,568 --> 01:00:58,029
Hey, hold it. You said if we got the money
by today, we could buy the house back.

922
01:00:58,113 --> 01:00:59,906
Right, you can buy the house back.

923
01:00:59,990 --> 01:01:02,909
Bidding will start at $100,000.
100, do I hear the 100?

924
01:01:02,993 --> 01:01:05,370
This is the exciting part. Have fun.

925
01:01:06,746 --> 01:01:10,082
Look at all these people.
What's going on, Happy?

926
01:01:10,167 --> 01:01:12,085
175, thank you, and a two. Two now.

927
01:01:12,169 --> 01:01:13,920
Oh, my God. They're
auctioning off the house.

928
01:01:14,004 --> 01:01:15,130
No, no, no, this could be good.

929
01:01:15,213 --> 01:01:17,298
We'll get the house back
cheaper than we thought.

930
01:01:17,382 --> 01:01:19,592
250 and 225, thank you. 50, I have.

931
01:01:20,050 --> 01:01:22,094
Maybe not. 275!

932
01:01:22,345 --> 01:01:24,722
And 275, new bidder in the middle.
And a three. Three, now.

933
01:01:24,806 --> 01:01:27,266
350! 350 down front, and a 375.

934
01:01:27,350 --> 01:01:30,269
I have 350 down front,
and a 75.75, anywhere?

935
01:01:30,353 --> 01:01:33,981
At $350,000 down front, sold to the
gentleman with the white sweater.

936
01:01:34,065 --> 01:01:35,816
What just happened, Happy?

937
01:01:37,194 --> 01:01:39,112
Go wait in the car, Grandma.

938
01:01:39,779 --> 01:01:42,782
Hey! What the hell is the matter with you?

939
01:01:43,240 --> 01:01:45,785
Well, real estate speculation
is a hobby of mine.

940
01:01:46,912 --> 01:01:48,246
You lay another finger on me,

941
01:01:48,330 --> 01:01:50,999
I burn the house down
and piss on the ashes.

942
01:01:51,208 --> 01:01:53,376
What do you want for it, Shooter?

943
01:01:53,500 --> 01:01:56,462
You know what I want. You off the Tour.

944
01:01:56,963 --> 01:01:59,382
Quit, and the house is yours.

945
01:01:59,716 --> 01:02:01,759
- Fine. I quit.
- Oh, no, he doesn't.

946
01:02:01,843 --> 01:02:05,221
- Happy, I need to talk to you.
- What? He's a jerk, but he's right.

947
01:02:05,305 --> 01:02:07,307
I don't belong in this
sport. I'm a hockey player.

948
01:02:07,390 --> 01:02:10,101
- Oh, really? What team do you play for?
- Easy.

949
01:02:10,185 --> 01:02:13,146
Face it, Happy. You are a golfer.

950
01:02:13,813 --> 01:02:16,398
Look, I did this so I could
get Grandma's house back.

951
01:02:16,483 --> 01:02:18,485
Now I can. No regrets.

952
01:02:18,568 --> 01:02:20,236
What do you think Grandma wants more:

953
01:02:20,320 --> 01:02:23,698
to get her house back or to
see her grandson succeed?

954
01:02:26,034 --> 01:02:28,411
Yeah, maybe there's a
way she can have both.

955
01:02:28,495 --> 01:02:30,288
- Hey, Shooter.
- Yeah.

956
01:02:30,413 --> 01:02:33,332
- Tour Championship's next week, right?
- That's right.

957
01:02:33,416 --> 01:02:37,086
If I beat you, I get the house back.
You beat me, I'll quit.

958
01:02:37,254 --> 01:02:39,673
You're gonna beat me? At golf?

959
01:02:42,175 --> 01:02:43,509
Oh, you're on.

960
01:02:44,260 --> 01:02:48,014
You're in big trouble though, pal. I
eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.

961
01:02:48,098 --> 01:02:50,558
You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

962
01:02:52,102 --> 01:02:53,144
No.

963
01:02:58,190 --> 01:03:01,277
That was great. I know
you are gonna kick his ass.

964
01:03:01,610 --> 01:03:03,195
Yeah, that makes one of us.

965
01:03:03,530 --> 01:03:06,407
All right, look, take care
of Grandma. I can walk from here.

966
01:03:06,533 --> 01:03:09,410
- Where are you going?
- I got to learn how to play golf.

967
01:03:12,247 --> 01:03:14,374
I'm stupid, you're smart.

968
01:03:15,333 --> 01:03:17,376
I was wrong, you were right.

969
01:03:18,128 --> 01:03:20,380
You're the best, I'm the worst.

970
01:03:21,047 --> 01:03:24,675
You're very good-looking,
I'm not attractive.

971
01:03:24,759 --> 01:03:28,179
All right, as long as
you're willing to admit that.

972
01:03:28,930 --> 01:03:32,975
Now, are you ready to get down to business
and do exactly what I tell you to do?

973
01:03:33,059 --> 01:03:34,643
Believe me, I'm ready.

974
01:03:35,812 --> 01:03:37,855
- Then let's get to work.
- All right.

975
01:03:39,274 --> 01:03:41,401
I'm sorry. Here.

976
01:03:42,902 --> 01:03:44,236
Here's your pinky.

977
01:03:51,660 --> 01:03:53,621
Hey, Happy Land, just like me.

978
01:03:54,039 --> 01:03:56,750
Don't get excited, kid.
I've been here before.

979
01:03:59,502 --> 01:04:03,422
This is embarrassing. I'm a
professional golfer, for God's sake.

980
01:04:03,590 --> 01:04:07,135
No, it's your short game that's
embarrassing. Come on, let's go.

981
01:04:21,274 --> 01:04:22,358
Okay.

982
01:04:22,442 --> 01:04:25,570
This time, just line up your putt.
Don't even look at the hole.

983
01:04:26,154 --> 01:04:28,781
Aim for a spot six
inches in front of the ball.

984
01:04:28,865 --> 01:04:31,033
Line up a spot six
inches in front of the ball.

985
01:04:31,117 --> 01:04:33,619
- Okay. Six inches.
- Yes!

986
01:04:56,100 --> 01:04:58,186
All right, this one's very tough.

987
01:05:03,190 --> 01:05:04,942
He's laughing, he's having a good time.

988
01:05:05,026 --> 01:05:07,778
Good for you. Yeah,
laugh it up. Enjoy your night.

989
01:05:08,320 --> 01:05:10,156
Come on, Happy, concentrate.

990
01:05:17,247 --> 01:05:19,749
- I hate that clown.
- Easy.

991
01:05:19,999 --> 01:05:23,502
If you can’t beat the clown, how
you gonna beat Shooter McGavin?

992
01:05:28,883 --> 01:05:30,009
Yeah!

993
01:05:32,303 --> 01:05:34,179
You're gonna die, clown!

994
01:05:35,849 --> 01:05:38,518
You think that's funny?
I don't hear you laughing now!

995
01:05:38,600 --> 01:05:40,436
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Enough, enough.

996
01:05:40,520 --> 01:05:42,104
What? I can't do it!

997
01:05:42,480 --> 01:05:43,981
Come with me, Happy.

998
01:05:44,566 --> 01:05:45,858
Come on!

999
01:05:46,317 --> 01:05:48,277
- Fuck, you stupid clown!
- Come on.

1000
01:05:50,572 --> 01:05:52,532
Remember, now, this isn't hockey.

1001
01:05:52,615 --> 01:05:54,908
You don't play with raw emotion.

1002
01:05:55,452 --> 01:05:57,162
You can't putt angry.

1003
01:05:57,245 --> 01:06:00,873
You have to clear your mind of
everything else, and stay focused.

1004
01:06:05,879 --> 01:06:07,922
Now how the hell am I gonna do that?

1005
01:06:08,006 --> 01:06:10,967
Think of a place that's really perfect.

1006
01:06:11,593 --> 01:06:13,636
Your own happy place.

1007
01:06:14,053 --> 01:06:17,222
Go there, and all your
anger will just disappear.

1008
01:06:17,682 --> 01:06:19,016
Then, putt.

1009
01:06:19,726 --> 01:06:21,060
Happy place.

1010
01:06:21,394 --> 01:06:22,937
Happy place.

1011
01:06:23,605 --> 01:06:25,273
Your happy place.

1012
01:06:55,220 --> 01:06:57,764
- Now how do you feel?
- Better.

1013
01:06:58,180 --> 01:06:59,265
Now putt.

1014
01:07:19,619 --> 01:07:21,495
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

1015
01:07:21,870 --> 01:07:23,372
Your happy place.

1016
01:07:29,879 --> 01:07:32,423
You really took some giant
steps out there tonight.

1017
01:07:33,633 --> 01:07:35,760
- I'm really proud of you.
- Thanks.

1018
01:07:36,219 --> 01:07:37,386
So here.

1019
01:07:38,054 --> 01:07:40,473
I got something really
special for you here.

1020
01:07:40,723 --> 01:07:42,641
- Wow, thanks, Chubbs.
- You see that?

1021
01:07:42,725 --> 01:07:46,812
That is the same putter I used when I
played. Slightly modified, of course.

1022
01:07:46,896 --> 01:07:49,398
Man, this is excellent.

1023
01:07:50,692 --> 01:07:55,192
You got the spirit of a hockey player in
you, Happy, so I figured, why fight it, huh?

1024
01:07:55,655 --> 01:07:58,240
- I got something for you, too, pal.
- What?

1025
01:07:58,616 --> 01:08:01,910
Yeah. I mean, I figured if it wasn't for
you, none of this would have happened, right?

1026
01:08:01,995 --> 01:08:04,414
So I wanted to show my appreciation.

1027
01:08:08,376 --> 01:08:10,544
This looks nice. What is it, huh?

1028
01:08:10,628 --> 01:08:12,671
- Open it up.
- Shit.

1029
01:08:13,380 --> 01:08:14,548
Oh, man.

1030
01:08:14,632 --> 01:08:17,843
Remember the gator that
got your hand? I got his head.

1031
01:08:21,430 --> 01:08:22,723
Chubbs!

1032
01:08:22,807 --> 01:08:24,016
Chubbs!

1033
01:08:31,399 --> 01:08:33,526
First my dad and now Chubbs.

1034
01:08:34,444 --> 01:08:37,864
Anybody I get close to
dies. If I were you, I'd run.

1035
01:08:38,072 --> 01:08:40,574
No, no, you can't blame yourself for this.

1036
01:08:41,075 --> 01:08:44,244
I guess that alligator
finally finished the job, huh?

1037
01:08:44,579 --> 01:08:46,414
I'm gonna miss you, pal.

1038
01:08:54,756 --> 01:08:56,632
I don't know how the
hell I'm gonna play today?

1039
01:08:56,716 --> 01:08:58,759
Look, just remember
everything that he taught you.

1040
01:08:58,843 --> 01:09:00,845
Congratulations, murderer.

1041
01:09:01,387 --> 01:09:03,013
You killed a golf legend.

1042
01:09:03,097 --> 01:09:05,641
- Beat it, McGavin.
- You know what I'm gonna do?

1043
01:09:05,725 --> 01:09:08,018
I'm gonna dedicate my performance
at the Tour Championship

1044
01:09:08,102 --> 01:09:09,436
to Chubbs' memory.

1045
01:09:09,520 --> 01:09:11,647
To hell with that, I'm playing for Chubbs.

1046
01:09:12,106 --> 01:09:13,607
Nuh uh, I called it first.

1047
01:09:13,733 --> 01:09:17,111
Hey, hey, hey, hey. You want to
beat him? Beat him on the course.

1048
01:09:17,195 --> 01:09:19,447
That's right, I'm gonna
beat your ass on the course.

1049
01:09:19,530 --> 01:09:22,324
Yeah, right. And Grizzly Adams had a beard.

1050
01:09:22,659 --> 01:09:24,702
Grizzly Adams did have a beard.

1051
01:09:27,830 --> 01:09:31,041
<i>The golfers of the Tour Championship
are ready to hit the links.</i>

1052
01:09:31,417 --> 01:09:35,129
There may be sixty-three professionals
vying for the title of world's best,

1053
01:09:35,213 --> 01:09:38,591
but in the minds of the spectators,
there are really only two.

1054
01:09:38,925 --> 01:09:40,843
Tour kingpin Shooter McGavin

1055
01:09:40,927 --> 01:09:44,263
<i>and bad boy Happy Gilmore,
fresh off his recent suspension.</i>

1056
01:09:44,764 --> 01:09:47,641
<i>And wouldn't you know it?
They've been paired together.</i>

1057
01:09:47,725 --> 01:09:51,395
I've got some very interesting interior
design ideas for Grandma's house.

1058
01:09:51,854 --> 01:09:54,356
You know that bedroom
at the top of the stairs?

1059
01:09:54,440 --> 01:09:56,108
Yeah, that was my room.

1060
01:09:56,192 --> 01:09:58,736
I think I'm turning that
into my trophy room.

1061
01:10:00,029 --> 01:10:01,238
It's perfect.

1062
01:10:05,159 --> 01:10:06,285
Nice.

1063
01:10:11,499 --> 01:10:13,501
It just may not be big enough.

1064
01:10:14,544 --> 01:10:15,711
All right.

1065
01:10:29,850 --> 01:10:33,813
You know what the pathetic thing is?
You've been playing golf your whole life.

1066
01:10:38,609 --> 01:10:41,111
Let me show you how we do it in the pros.

1067
01:10:48,160 --> 01:10:49,829
Jeez, that's gotta hurt.

1068
01:10:57,920 --> 01:11:00,005
Happy learned how to putt.

1069
01:11:00,339 --> 01:11:01,340
Uh-oh.

1070
01:11:03,550 --> 01:11:05,219
Here's a free lesson.

1071
01:11:11,476 --> 01:11:13,644
Can't learn that in a hockey rink.

1072
01:11:24,947 --> 01:11:27,449
Somebody's closer.

1073
01:11:29,660 --> 01:11:32,496
<i>After one day, Shooter
McGavin is in the lead.</i>

1074
01:11:32,622 --> 01:11:35,791
But the big surprise is
young Happy Gilmore,

1075
01:11:36,542 --> 01:11:39,253
<i>nipping at his heels and
trailing by only one stroke.</i>

1076
01:11:41,297 --> 01:11:42,756
<i>Shooter from the sand.</i>

1077
01:11:42,840 --> 01:11:45,551
<i>Playing like he really wants that jacket.</i>

1078
01:11:51,516 --> 01:11:54,810
<i>Happy Gilmore answers
right back with a birdie.</i>

1079
01:12:08,240 --> 01:12:10,743
<i>Happy with a long eagle opportunity.</i>

1080
01:12:12,578 --> 01:12:13,912
<i>It's good!</i>

1081
01:12:14,747 --> 01:12:16,915
<i>And Shooter can't believe it.</i>

1082
01:12:17,250 --> 01:12:20,419
<i>He is now tied with Happy Gilmore.</i>

1083
01:12:24,130 --> 01:12:26,049
<i>A little too much zip on that one.</i>

1084
01:12:27,927 --> 01:12:31,013
<i>Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.</i>

1085
01:12:31,264 --> 01:12:32,598
<i>No!</i>

1086
01:12:36,435 --> 01:12:38,019
I didn't see that. Did that go in?

1087
01:12:38,104 --> 01:12:40,815
'Cause I wasn't watching. Did it go
in the... Did it go in the hole?

1088
01:12:40,898 --> 01:12:43,233
I wasn't watching and
I know I saw it go up.

1089
01:12:43,317 --> 01:12:45,110
Did it come back in? All right.

1090
01:12:45,903 --> 01:12:49,114
<i>At the end of the third day,
Happy Gilmore has taken the lead.</i>

1091
01:12:49,198 --> 01:12:51,325
And, Jack, one can't help but be impressed

1092
01:12:51,409 --> 01:12:53,619
with the vast improvement
in his short game.

1093
01:13:13,055 --> 01:13:14,931
Hey, Donald. Shooter.

1094
01:13:15,140 --> 01:13:17,726
<i>Shooter! Hey, it's great to hear from you!</i>

1095
01:13:17,810 --> 01:13:20,604
<i>You wanna go to the
Sizzler and get some grub?</i>

1096
01:13:20,730 --> 01:13:22,398
No thanks, pal. Not hungry.

1097
01:13:22,480 --> 01:13:26,568
Listen, this call's about business.
I need you here in the morning.

1098
01:13:27,069 --> 01:13:29,529
Well, it's the final day of
the Tour Championship

1099
01:13:29,614 --> 01:13:32,116
and it's shaping up to be quite a classic.

1100
01:13:32,240 --> 01:13:34,409
<i>Happy Gilmore leads the pack.</i>

1101
01:13:34,493 --> 01:13:38,788
<i>Could there be a changing of the guard?
We'll know in eighteen short holes.</i>

1102
01:13:45,004 --> 01:13:47,840
<i>Happy is really on today.</i>

1103
01:13:52,970 --> 01:13:54,930
Happy, New Jersey loves you!

1104
01:13:55,014 --> 01:13:57,850
- Pittsburg loves you!
- My sister loves you!

1105
01:14:00,853 --> 01:14:03,689
There he is, that worm.

1106
01:14:04,357 --> 01:14:05,941
Happy, look out!

1107
01:14:11,489 --> 01:14:13,324
Happy! Happy, you okay?

1108
01:14:13,407 --> 01:14:15,075
Volkswagen.

1109
01:14:15,368 --> 01:14:17,036
Jackass!

1110
01:14:25,378 --> 01:14:26,712
Oh, my God.

1111
01:14:33,010 --> 01:14:34,344
Jackass!

1112
01:14:34,679 --> 01:14:37,431
Well, you're a little banged
up, but no serious injuries.

1113
01:14:37,723 --> 01:14:38,765
Just keep off the feet for a few days.

1114
01:14:39,140 --> 01:14:41,101
To hell with that, I got to finish up.

1115
01:14:41,185 --> 01:14:44,062
Fine. Do whatever you like.
What would I know? I'm just a doctor.

1116
01:14:44,146 --> 01:14:45,856
- Hey, are you gonna be all right?
- I'm fine.

1117
01:14:45,940 --> 01:14:49,360
Happy, there is no shame
in throwing in the towel.

1118
01:14:49,443 --> 01:14:51,862
When it comes to your health,
you can't be too cautious.

1119
01:14:51,946 --> 01:14:53,864
Let's just play some golf.

1120
01:14:54,615 --> 01:14:56,491
<i>I knew Happy Gilmore was tough,</i>

1121
01:14:56,575 --> 01:15:00,453
<i>but I can't believe he's going to keep
playing after being hit by that car.</i>

1122
01:15:00,538 --> 01:15:02,831
<i>Let's hope it doesn't affect his game.</i>

1123
01:15:05,418 --> 01:15:06,544
My shoulder!

1124
01:15:06,627 --> 01:15:10,339
<i>Oh, my, that's the first time he's
failed to out-drive Shooter McGavin.</i>

1125
01:15:10,423 --> 01:15:13,717
Well, well, well. Happy
Gilmore is human after all.

1126
01:15:15,094 --> 01:15:19,594
Happy Gilmore is in big trouble, Jack.
He's lost the power to hit the long ball.

1127
01:15:19,932 --> 01:15:22,267
If he's going to have any
chance of winning today,

1128
01:15:22,350 --> 01:15:24,561
<i>he's got to get it done on the green.</i>

1129
01:15:30,443 --> 01:15:32,736
<i>He's really got to focus now.</i>

1130
01:15:32,820 --> 01:15:35,113
<i>He's got to save this one for par.</i>

1131
01:15:38,117 --> 01:15:41,370
<i>Oh, my. That bogey
drops him out of the lead.</i>

1132
01:15:41,454 --> 01:15:45,416
<i>If he wants to stay in this thing, he
has to calm down and sink some putts.</i>

1133
01:15:52,840 --> 01:15:56,426
Don't worry about your grandma, Gilmore.
She can live with me, be my maid.

1134
01:16:02,975 --> 01:16:05,018
<i>Look at the cabbage he's in now.</i>

1135
01:16:05,352 --> 01:16:08,521
<i>Things just keep getting
worse for Happy Gilmore.</i>

1136
01:16:11,776 --> 01:16:14,278
All right, just remember what Chubbs said,

1137
01:16:14,612 --> 01:16:16,488
"Go to a happy place.

1138
01:16:16,989 --> 01:16:18,824
"Go to a happy place."

1139
01:16:55,945 --> 01:16:57,863
Oh, God!

1140
01:17:11,043 --> 01:17:13,587
<i>This looks like the end for Happy Gilmore.</i>

1141
01:17:13,712 --> 01:17:16,047
<i>Shooter now has a commanding lead.</i>

1142
01:17:34,692 --> 01:17:36,902
Happy. Happy, look who's here.

1143
01:17:37,610 --> 01:17:38,862
Grandma.

1144
01:17:39,905 --> 01:17:42,657
Happy, you look upset. What's wrong?

1145
01:17:42,740 --> 01:17:45,160
I don't know what to say.
I stink. I'm not gonna win.

1146
01:17:45,244 --> 01:17:48,080
That's all right, sweetheart.

1147
01:17:48,205 --> 01:17:50,749
The house isn't
important. It's just a house.

1148
01:17:50,833 --> 01:17:53,293
Stop fraternizing with the help, Gilmore.

1149
01:17:53,377 --> 01:17:56,213
Just hit your ball, if you can find it.

1150
01:17:56,964 --> 01:17:58,256
Hi, Grandma.

1151
01:17:59,216 --> 01:18:03,716
Forget him. I just want
you to be happy, darling.

1152
01:18:06,390 --> 01:18:07,891
All right, Grandma.

1153
01:18:14,190 --> 01:18:16,609
Grandma wants me to be happy.

1154
01:18:38,380 --> 01:18:41,549
Chin up, Happy. Don't feel bad about me.

1155
01:18:42,134 --> 01:18:43,969
I got my hand back, see.

1156
01:18:46,096 --> 01:18:49,599
<i>We've only just begun</i>

1157
01:18:51,018 --> 01:18:54,604
<i>to live</i>

1158
01:18:55,480 --> 01:18:59,610
<i>White lace and promises</i>

1159
01:19:00,610 --> 01:19:04,948
<i>A kiss for luck and we're on our way</i>

1160
01:19:14,250 --> 01:19:16,085
It ain't over yet, McGavin.

1161
01:19:16,168 --> 01:19:18,712
The way I see it, we've only just begun.

1162
01:19:46,532 --> 01:19:49,701
Happy, the gold jacket's
yours. Shooter's gonna choke.

1163
01:19:55,165 --> 01:19:56,374
Unbelievable!

1164
01:20:08,512 --> 01:20:12,682
Damn you people! This
is golf, not a rock concert!

1165
01:20:19,148 --> 01:20:20,440
I'm gonna putt!

1166
01:20:25,112 --> 01:20:26,238
Yeah!

1167
01:20:39,918 --> 01:20:43,421
Happy rules!

1168
01:20:57,144 --> 01:20:59,771
Happy Gilmore has really
charged in the back nine.

1169
01:20:59,855 --> 01:21:02,357
He's now dead even with Shooter McGavin.

1170
01:21:02,483 --> 01:21:06,111
And if Shooter doesn't get himself
out of this current funk he's in,

1171
01:21:06,278 --> 01:21:08,738
he may yet again miss
out on the gold jacket.

1172
01:21:08,864 --> 01:21:13,243
Ladies and gentlemen, the 18th
hole is a par three, 160 yards.

1173
01:21:13,452 --> 01:21:16,413
In the event of a tie, there
will be a sudden death playoff.

1174
01:21:16,497 --> 01:21:18,999
Mr. Gilmore, you have the honors.

1175
01:21:20,209 --> 01:21:22,794
Well, no matter what, I
got to admit I'm having fun.

1176
01:21:22,878 --> 01:21:25,422
Happy Gilmore, you're
starting to sound like a golfer.

1177
01:21:25,506 --> 01:21:27,341
I know. Keep it down.

1178
01:21:46,193 --> 01:21:49,404
<i>Oh, nice shot! Right at the pin.</i>

1179
01:21:49,488 --> 01:21:51,490
<i>Fifteen feet short of the hole.</i>

1180
01:22:02,876 --> 01:22:06,254
Shooter's ball is in the woods
and Happy's on the 18th green

1181
01:22:06,338 --> 01:22:10,300
where earlier a car driven by a
crazed fan rammed the TV tower.

1182
01:22:10,884 --> 01:22:12,010
Yeah.

1183
01:22:13,679 --> 01:22:16,431
Excuse me, I just gotta get through.
I'm looking for my ball.

1184
01:22:16,515 --> 01:22:20,185
This is golf, okay? Excuse me.
Thank you. Thank you.

1185
01:22:26,316 --> 01:22:27,734
Is this your ball?

1186
01:22:28,318 --> 01:22:29,736
Yes, it is.

1187
01:22:30,154 --> 01:22:31,989
It struck my foot.

1188
01:22:32,364 --> 01:22:34,449
Doug! Doug.

1189
01:22:34,908 --> 01:22:36,409
Can I get a drop?

1190
01:22:37,703 --> 01:22:40,247
The rule says, "play it as it lies."

1191
01:23:03,353 --> 01:23:05,355
That's two thus far, Shooter.

1192
01:23:05,522 --> 01:23:07,690
Oh, you can count. Good for you.

1193
01:23:07,983 --> 01:23:12,195
And you can count on me waiting
for you in the parking lot.

1194
01:23:14,823 --> 01:23:17,075
Run, Shooter, run for your life.

1195
01:23:25,918 --> 01:23:27,502
Looks like you're still away.

1196
01:23:27,586 --> 01:23:29,588
Yeah, I'm aware of that. Thank you.

1197
01:23:30,756 --> 01:23:31,923
I can't see.

1198
01:23:32,049 --> 01:23:33,258
Up here is good.

1199
01:23:46,605 --> 01:23:49,232
<i>Shooter needs this to keep
the pressure on Gilmore.</i>

1200
01:23:49,483 --> 01:23:52,569
<i>If he misses, Happy can
two-putt his way to victory.</i>

1201
01:23:57,740 --> 01:23:59,033
Get in that hole.

1202
01:24:02,955 --> 01:24:04,957
Choke on that, baby!

1203
01:24:11,630 --> 01:24:12,797
Yes!

1204
01:24:14,466 --> 01:24:15,717
Shooter.

1205
01:24:24,309 --> 01:24:28,313
<i>If Gilmore can sink this,
it will cap an amazing comeback.</i>

1206
01:24:46,039 --> 01:24:48,833
Great. Now I have a stinking
tower blocking my ball.

1207
01:24:48,917 --> 01:24:50,793
Don't worry about it,
we'll get this cleaned up

1208
01:24:50,877 --> 01:24:52,795
and you'll finish tomorrow. Right, Doug?

1209
01:24:52,879 --> 01:24:56,674
No, no, he has to hit it now. He
has to play the ball as it lies.

1210
01:24:57,092 --> 01:25:00,011
No, I had to hit it off
Frankenstein's fat foot, remember?

1211
01:25:00,095 --> 01:25:01,971
Those are the rules. I didn't write them.

1212
01:25:02,055 --> 01:25:04,849
I'm afraid he's right. Take
your shot, Mr. Gilmore.

1213
01:25:05,892 --> 01:25:09,812
Oh, and Virginia, in case you were
wondering, my jacket size is 44 long.

1214
01:25:09,896 --> 01:25:12,899
And my right arm is just a
little longer than my left.

1215
01:25:13,984 --> 01:25:15,944
Happy, hit it around the tower,

1216
01:25:16,028 --> 01:25:18,488
sink your putt, and
we'll go to sudden death.

1217
01:25:25,662 --> 01:25:27,538
I'll just beat him now.

1218
01:25:29,416 --> 01:25:30,542
Good luck.

1219
01:25:35,797 --> 01:25:38,424
Chubbs, I know you're
gonna help me with this one.

1220
01:26:13,919 --> 01:26:16,004
Oh, my God!

1221
01:26:16,088 --> 01:26:19,841
<i>Incredible! Happy Gilmore
wins the gold jacket.</i>

1222
01:26:19,925 --> 01:26:21,051
No! No!

1223
01:26:23,762 --> 01:26:26,181
I love you. I love you.

1224
01:26:26,598 --> 01:26:28,266
And I love you.

1225
01:26:28,725 --> 01:26:31,185
Doug! Doug! It's impossible!

1226
01:26:31,269 --> 01:26:34,272
That's my jacket! It's mine!

1227
01:26:35,190 --> 01:26:37,025
Hey! He stole my jacket!

1228
01:26:37,693 --> 01:26:39,528
I believe that's Mr. Gilmore's.

1229
01:27:01,883 --> 01:27:03,843
I will get you, Shooter!

1230
01:27:08,557 --> 01:27:09,808
Stay still!

1231
01:27:10,267 --> 01:27:11,559
<i>No!</i>

1232
01:27:24,448 --> 01:27:26,074
- You coming?
- You bet.

1233
01:27:26,158 --> 01:27:27,492
All right.

1234
01:27:41,130 --> 01:27:43,508
Here's to Chubbs, wherever he is.

1235
01:27:47,304 --> 01:27:48,763
<i>Hey, Happy.</i>

1236
01:27:51,349 --> 01:27:52,767
<i>Nice jacket.</i>

1237
01:27:55,604 --> 01:27:57,856
Who are you waving at, Happy?

1238
01:27:59,357 --> 01:28:02,234
Nobody, Grandma. Let's go home.

1239
01:28:03,305 --> 01:29:03,498
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