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00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE
www.osdb.link/lm
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Let's just get this started.
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Are you kidding me?
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Who's a good cat?
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00:00:27,894 --> 00:00:29,762
Today we're at
brewery recording studio
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00:00:29,964 --> 00:00:31,964
Posing as voiceover artists
recording audio
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00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:33,498
For a brand-new video game.
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00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,834
But there is no
brand-new video game
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00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,302
Because it's all just
a big charade
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00:00:37,504 --> 00:00:39,371
To pair us
with another voiceover actor.
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00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:40,705
The goal is to do and say
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00:00:40,907 --> 00:00:41,906
Whatever the other guys
tell you to.
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00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:43,642
If you refuse,
you lose.
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00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:48,580
You play piping hot jazz?
Yes.
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00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:52,851
Here we go.
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00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:54,653
Murr:
Sal is a voiceover artist.
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00:00:54,855 --> 00:00:56,855
He does special effects,
sound effects, what have you.
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00:00:56,857 --> 00:00:59,057
And joe imburgio is playing
the sound engineer.
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00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,258
You guys can hear me
alright?
20
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:01,793
Yes, can hear you.
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00:01:01,796 --> 00:01:02,795
Uh, sal.
We're going to have you do --
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00:01:02,997 --> 00:01:04,329
Let's try 31.
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00:01:04,531 --> 00:01:05,330
You're going to do those
directions,
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00:01:05,532 --> 00:01:06,632
You know,
as a cholo.
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00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:11,437
extra, extra. Read all about it.
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No. More cholo.
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00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:19,411
Do everything super cholo.
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hey! You're awesome!
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Keep going, hey!
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Sassy woman to cholo.
31
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How do you feel about doing
a sassy woman to cholo?
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ew, dude!
With your cousin?!
33
00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:36,361
that's gross!
34
00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:39,698
One more.
35
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:42,034
come on now,
sugar pie. You ain't just good.
36
00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:44,636
You is spectacular!
37
00:01:46,573 --> 00:01:47,906
Okay, let's take it
from tavern night.
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00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,774
Yeah.
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Go from sassy to cholo
in stage directions.
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Ooh! Ah!
Get it out, get it out!
Stop moving!
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npc jams
an enchanted scalpel
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00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:00,318
Into npc one's belly.
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00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:03,255
Npc one dies violently.
44
00:02:06,326 --> 00:02:07,659
I love it.
45
00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:09,661
Sal, would you mind doing
a death noise for us real quick?
46
00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:12,130
We do need, like,
a male death sound.
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00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,932
This is an action game.
You've been shot by an arrow.
48
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:15,333
Okay.
49
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:28,747
Sal, just stop grabbing
random props off the table
50
00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:30,749
And using them
in your death scene.
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00:02:51,371 --> 00:02:53,305
Ohh!
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00:02:55,910 --> 00:02:58,443
I don't know, guys, I'm so
sorry. I don't feel comfortable.
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imburgio:
That was really great.
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00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:02,314
Thank you.
You committed.
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00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:04,316
I got to say, we had it in,
like, the first 30 seconds.
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00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:05,784
Okay. That's great.
57
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:07,519
Why don't we move on
to the, um, the dialogue?
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00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:08,921
You have this, uh,
interior tavern night scene.
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00:03:09,123 --> 00:03:11,389
Okay.
Just your lines.
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00:03:11,591 --> 00:03:13,258
Sal, give her advice. Tell her
to go bigger or she's going.
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Have a seat,
my friend.
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Have a seat, my friend.
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How is it out there?
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a little bigger.
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How is it out there?
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00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:26,939
Um, sorry, sal.
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00:03:27,141 --> 00:03:28,807
Do you mind just
not giving me direction?
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I'm trying to focus.
Oh, sorry. So sorry.
69
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:34,012
Yeah.
I have to say,
you're doing fantastic, tasmin.
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Sorry.
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00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:36,548
Face the wall.
Just face the wall.
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Go to the corner like
"blair witch" and face the wall.
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How is it out there?
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00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:44,356
Yeah. Put your head
against the wall.
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00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,158
How is it
out there?
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00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:47,892
How is it out there?
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00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:49,795
Bang your head slowly.
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00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:53,365
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
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00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,367
Yeah, sal, have
a mental breakdown.
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stupid.
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Stupid, stupid, stupid.
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00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,439
stupid.
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00:04:01,441 --> 00:04:04,709
do you hear that?
84
00:04:04,711 --> 00:04:06,178
You picking up -- is someone
saying something in there?
85
00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:09,047
I think sal might
be making...
Stupid.
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...A noise.
So stupid.
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Murr:
Here you go, q.
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00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:18,456
Alright. I don't even
know what this is like.
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Yeah, I'm not exactly --
didn't get a script or anything.
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Yeah,
it's a video game.
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00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,395
That's really all
you need to know.
Alright.
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00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:24,929
Mauricio,
we're gonna start with you.
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00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:28,400
Just say, "go north,
go south, go east, go west."
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Go north, go south.
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00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:33,271
Murr:
This guy's really good.
Go east.
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00:04:33,473 --> 00:04:35,007
Q, turn to him
and say, "do me a favor."
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Do me a favor.
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"find a bridge..."
find the bridge...
99
00:04:38,478 --> 00:04:40,812
"...Shoot yourself in the head
and fall to your death..."
100
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:43,748
...Shoot yourself in the head
and fall to your death...
101
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:46,150
"...Because you are
amazing at voiceover."
102
00:04:46,152 --> 00:04:47,619
...Because you are amazing.
103
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:49,754
You are amazing.
Oh. Really?
104
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,890
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're good. Seriously.
Aww.
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Go find the bridge,
shoot yourself in the face
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And fall to your death.
107
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You're that good.
Okay.
108
00:04:57,231 --> 00:04:59,631
Yeah. That's cool.
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Imburgio: Brian.
Yep?
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00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,500
Do the directions now.
You got it.
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00:05:02,502 --> 00:05:05,437
"any chance this is
that new superman video game?"
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00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:08,573
Is there any chance
this is that new superman game
113
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I've been hearing about?
I'm not at liberty to say.
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Because if it's
a superman game,
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That will affect my performance
in a very positive way.
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Just try --
try and keep it professional.
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Go north.
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Murr: Yeah.
Keep slipping in superman.
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Go east. He went that way,
superman.
120
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Superman flew east.
121
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We don't know if it's superman.
You don't need to do superman.
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Okay. Uh, go north.
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Go northwest...
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"...Superman."
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...Superman.
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Wait for
a compliment back.
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Nice.
Q, just go,
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"should I shoot myself
on the bridge?"
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00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:48,746
Should I shoot myself
on a bridge?
130
00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:51,082
Hmm?
Should I shoot myself
in the face on a bridge?
131
00:05:51,085 --> 00:05:53,551
Yeah.
yeah. That's so good.
132
00:05:53,753 --> 00:05:55,353
Brian, you can stop.
That's -- that's great.
133
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"hey, joe,
I don't have to yet..."
134
00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:58,290
-Hey, joe?
-Yeah?
135
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I don't have to yet...
136
00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:00,959
"...But when I have to use
the bathroom,
137
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Should I just stay in here
to use the piss bottle, or...?"
138
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:05,697
...But if I have to
go to the bathroom...
139
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:08,566
Do you just want me to stay
in here and use a bottle?
140
00:06:08,568 --> 00:06:12,771
"I could use a piss bottle."
I could use a piss bottle.
141
00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:14,506
You can use the bathroom.
That's why we have it.
142
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:16,641
Alright.
Q. "I'm gonna
use the piss bottle."
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00:06:16,843 --> 00:06:18,310
I'm going to
use the piss bottle.
144
00:06:18,312 --> 00:06:20,178
What have you got there?
Imburgio:
Don't use the piss bottle.
145
00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:23,515
Don't use the piss bottle.
146
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:24,849
We're going to move
on to the script.
147
00:06:24,851 --> 00:06:26,284
Sal: Q, "you catch
his breath yet?"
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00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:29,387
Did you catch
his breath yet?
149
00:06:29,589 --> 00:06:31,455
His breath?
150
00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:33,591
Imburgio: I can hear you guys.
Talking about my breath?
151
00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:34,793
Yeah.
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00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:36,260
Sal: Joe, can you go
back into that room,
153
00:06:36,462 --> 00:06:38,330
Pull q on the side,
and dress him down?
154
00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:40,865
Here we go. Watch this guy.
Watch this guy at work.
155
00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:42,266
Hope he doesn't
breathe on me.
156
00:06:42,468 --> 00:06:43,668
I actually didn't
notice that.
157
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:45,337
Okay.
You're doing great.
158
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I just want to talk to brian
for a second here.
Yeah.
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00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:49,007
Like, whisper shout at him.
Yeah.
160
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:50,942
can you please
keep this professional?
161
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:54,078
We have to get through today.
I know,
and I will admit
162
00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:55,613
That I am antagonizing you
to some degree.
163
00:06:55,615 --> 00:06:57,149
It's completely unnecessary.
164
00:06:57,351 --> 00:06:58,683
You're wasting our time,
wasting mauricio's --
165
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It's like a fart took
a shit in your mouth.
166
00:07:01,821 --> 00:07:03,555
The you say to me?
Do you want to
get a drink after work?
167
00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:05,289
No, I'm not interested.
168
00:07:05,291 --> 00:07:07,225
Let's get through this, guys.
Alright,
let's get through it.
169
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,293
Come on. Let's grab a drink
after work and sort this out.
170
00:07:09,495 --> 00:07:12,364
Not interested.
171
00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:14,832
You guys hear me?
Yeah, I hear you.
172
00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:16,568
We're gonna do,
like, a dialogue scene.
173
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,636
Here we go, babe.
174
00:07:18,638 --> 00:07:20,438
25 freaking gold pieces
175
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,706
To get through
the holland tunnel now?
176
00:07:21,708 --> 00:07:23,641
25?
You believe this crap?
177
00:07:23,643 --> 00:07:25,977
What'd you expect? Bridge trolls
don't exactly live cheap.
178
00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:27,645
Murr, crumple up
the paper, say,
179
00:07:27,847 --> 00:07:29,247
"I'm sorry, I'm off book,
actually."
180
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:30,915
They know
we got no choice.
181
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:33,051
I'm off book already.
I just memorized it.
182
00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:34,719
I'm ready to go.
Let's do it.
183
00:07:34,721 --> 00:07:35,987
I'm sorry, you said
you're off book, james?
184
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:37,589
I can speed read
185
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:39,257
And I have
a photographic memory.
186
00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:41,525
Combine those two skills,
off book.
187
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:42,794
Murr, I'm going to feed
you the lines.
188
00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:44,662
There's really no need
to do this, but that's great.
189
00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:48,400
Okay.
I'll tell you why you do it --
professionalism.
190
00:07:48,402 --> 00:07:49,868
Mateo, you're npc one.
191
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:53,137
I told him I'd shove
my toolbox up his ass
192
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:54,406
If he didn't let
him through.
193
00:07:54,408 --> 00:07:56,274
Sal: "good luck with that."
good luck with that.
194
00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:57,742
"don't call me
when you need bail money."
195
00:07:57,944 --> 00:08:00,344
Don't call me
when you need bail money.
196
00:08:00,546 --> 00:08:03,681
Off book.
Hey.
That's impressive there.
197
00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:05,083
"I memorized both lines."
198
00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:06,684
What I do is
I memorized everything.
199
00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:08,686
Your lines and my lines.
I can see the whole thing.
200
00:08:08,888 --> 00:08:10,554
"if you're tired,
I can do both lines."
201
00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:12,224
If you're tired,
I can do both lines.
202
00:08:12,426 --> 00:08:14,092
I actually --
that's -- thank you for that.
203
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:16,694
I got to see this.
Okay. Sure.
204
00:08:16,896 --> 00:08:18,363
Let me know
when you're ready.
205
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,234
"action."
action.
206
00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:27,972
Go ahead, pal.
207
00:08:33,447 --> 00:08:38,382
Sal: You confident asshole.
You overconfident asshole.
208
00:08:38,584 --> 00:08:41,719
Line?
209
00:08:41,721 --> 00:08:42,787
Why don't we just move
on to the foley stuff?
210
00:08:42,989 --> 00:08:44,456
"can you do, like,
a horse clomping?"
211
00:08:44,458 --> 00:08:46,324
Can you give me,
like, a horse?
212
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:47,992
Okay.
Murr, you got to --
213
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:49,327
You got to slap
your bald head
214
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:52,330
As horse galloping
noises.
215
00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:53,798
No problem.
216
00:08:59,405 --> 00:09:02,140
Sal: At home.
Close your eyes.
217
00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:06,611
Just picture a stallion
in a field.
218
00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:09,280
That was great.
Thank you.
219
00:09:09,283 --> 00:09:11,015
Now you've shifted gears
to foley,
220
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,484
I'm going to let you do
your foley work.
221
00:09:12,486 --> 00:09:15,619
Okay.
Murr, legitimately
try and foley this scene.
222
00:09:15,622 --> 00:09:17,489
Imburgio: We are rolling.
Whenever you're ready.
223
00:09:17,491 --> 00:09:19,223
Action.
224
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:25,563
I'm not sure what that is.
225
00:09:25,765 --> 00:09:27,299
What is that exactly
what you're doing here?
226
00:09:27,501 --> 00:09:29,633
Murr, say someone's
breaking pasta.
227
00:09:29,636 --> 00:09:32,570
It's some-- it's the sound
of someone breaking pasta.
228
00:09:37,043 --> 00:09:38,376
You know what I think
we're going to do
229
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:39,844
Is just finish
with a string of wild lines
230
00:09:40,046 --> 00:09:41,846
Like the ones
we started with.
Okay.
231
00:09:42,048 --> 00:09:43,581
Why don't we start
with number 20?
232
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:46,518
beware
when the cold wind blows.
233
00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:49,187
Murr, as he's doing these,
just start inching closer
234
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:50,454
And closer
to his microphone.
235
00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:52,924
you must have
x-ray vision.
236
00:09:58,247 --> 00:10:00,514
beware
when the cold wind blows.
237
00:10:00,716 --> 00:10:02,583
Murr, as he's doing these,
just start inching
238
00:10:02,585 --> 00:10:04,317
Closer and closer
to his microphone.
239
00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:07,254
Danger is near.
240
00:10:07,256 --> 00:10:09,657
jeez,
it's somebody crack a rat?
241
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:13,227
dude,
you must have x-ray vision.
242
00:10:14,263 --> 00:10:16,731
Happy saint
243
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,800
Closer.
Get your mouth on his mic.
244
00:10:20,002 --> 00:10:21,669
and I watched --
245
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:25,272
The dragon
killed my family,
246
00:10:25,474 --> 00:10:26,807
And I watched.
247
00:10:27,009 --> 00:10:28,809
Murr, "now, will you be
able to add emotion in post,
248
00:10:29,011 --> 00:10:30,544
Or will his lines
just sound flat forever?"
249
00:10:30,746 --> 00:10:34,281
It's breathing fire.
250
00:10:34,483 --> 00:10:37,018
Will --
will you be able --
251
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:38,419
In post...
252
00:10:38,621 --> 00:10:39,753
Can you just cut me out?
253
00:10:39,755 --> 00:10:41,555
If that's a thing that you --
254
00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:42,956
'cause he's great.
255
00:10:42,958 --> 00:10:44,425
Ah, that's it, idiot.
256
00:10:44,427 --> 00:10:46,960
Narrator: The only thing
murr recorded was a loss,
257
00:10:46,962 --> 00:10:50,231
Making him first up
on the loser board.
258
00:10:50,433 --> 00:10:51,832
What the heck?
Ooh.
259
00:10:52,034 --> 00:10:52,966
Today we're at
the american dream mall
260
00:10:53,168 --> 00:10:54,368
Playing concerned dads
261
00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:57,104
That just got a distressing note
from our kid's school.
262
00:10:57,106 --> 00:10:58,706
We'll have to read
the note out loud,
263
00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:00,708
And then get a fellow mall-goer
to give us feedback
264
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:02,976
On our very aggressive
response,
265
00:11:02,978 --> 00:11:04,978
Which has already been written
by the other guys.
266
00:11:04,980 --> 00:11:06,379
Now, if that person tells you
267
00:11:06,382 --> 00:11:10,317
That that email is inappropriate
to send as is, you lose.
268
00:11:10,319 --> 00:11:12,986
I'm sending it.
Don't -- oh.
269
00:11:16,325 --> 00:11:19,126
Excuse me.
Are you a parent?
270
00:11:19,328 --> 00:11:20,461
Can I run
something by you?
271
00:11:20,463 --> 00:11:22,263
Oh, sal's in. Sal's in.
Murr: Oh, here we go.
272
00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:25,398
I got an email
from my kid's school.
Here we go.
273
00:11:25,401 --> 00:11:27,200
"brianna had difficulty
following rules today,
274
00:11:27,202 --> 00:11:30,738
And we asked her to spend
three minutes by herself
275
00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:32,873
In our corner
of quiet reflection."
276
00:11:32,875 --> 00:11:35,742
I know my kid, and
she doesn't -- she doesn't --
277
00:11:35,745 --> 00:11:38,011
She wouldn't do anything
that would deserve that.
278
00:11:38,013 --> 00:11:39,146
She just wouldn't.
279
00:11:39,348 --> 00:11:42,349
Could I run my response by you
as a parent?
280
00:11:42,551 --> 00:11:46,620
Here we go.
Okay. "hi, miss lindal.
281
00:11:46,622 --> 00:11:49,290
I assume you use 'miss'
282
00:11:49,492 --> 00:11:53,494
Because you're afraid to say
whether you're married or not.
283
00:11:53,696 --> 00:11:56,897
Let me guess -- not.
284
00:11:57,099 --> 00:11:58,899
Let me
make one thing clear.
285
00:11:59,101 --> 00:12:02,836
Brianna is
a angel."
286
00:12:02,838 --> 00:12:04,371
I know.
287
00:12:04,373 --> 00:12:08,442
"the rest of the class
may be cattle like yourself,
288
00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:10,911
Who would just love
to run helter skelter
289
00:12:11,113 --> 00:12:12,846
Through a classroom,
290
00:12:13,048 --> 00:12:14,715
Having food fights
and ripping the wallpaper down
291
00:12:14,917 --> 00:12:16,249
And pissing on it,
292
00:12:16,251 --> 00:12:18,452
But not my baby."
293
00:12:18,654 --> 00:12:19,653
And then in all caps,
294
00:12:19,855 --> 00:12:22,189
"never do
what you have done again!"
295
00:12:25,728 --> 00:12:27,328
Thoughts on that?
296
00:12:28,531 --> 00:12:31,198
Who makes a kid have
quiet reflection like that?
297
00:12:39,474 --> 00:12:42,609
Sounds like he's
on the side of miss lindal.
298
00:12:42,811 --> 00:12:45,012
I feel like she's
a little tough on brianna.
299
00:12:45,214 --> 00:12:47,214
We don't make her reflect
at home.
300
00:12:47,416 --> 00:12:49,416
"we don't make
her reflect at home."
301
00:12:49,418 --> 00:12:51,919
So do you think that
this would be good to send?
302
00:12:53,622 --> 00:12:56,289
No?
303
00:12:56,491 --> 00:12:57,691
Got to go.
Alright.
304
00:13:00,229 --> 00:13:03,897
Murr: Alright, q. Open up that
email from the school principal.
305
00:13:04,099 --> 00:13:06,900
Excuse me, sir. Can I get
your opinion on something?
306
00:13:07,102 --> 00:13:08,902
Do you have kids?
307
00:13:08,904 --> 00:13:10,971
I got an email
from my kids school.
308
00:13:10,973 --> 00:13:12,840
So this is
what I got today.
309
00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:14,708
"dear mr. Beagle."
that's me.
310
00:13:14,710 --> 00:13:17,378
"the more things change,
the more they stay the same.
311
00:13:17,580 --> 00:13:21,582
Your son kevin was given
detention today for putting --
312
00:13:21,784 --> 00:13:24,918
For putting gum
in selena delmonico's hair.
313
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:26,587
As I recall,
314
00:13:26,789 --> 00:13:28,389
I gave you detention
for doing the same thing
315
00:13:28,591 --> 00:13:31,124
Over 30 years ago.
316
00:13:31,326 --> 00:13:33,660
Please explain to your son that
this is unacceptable behavior,
317
00:13:33,862 --> 00:13:35,195
As I taught you.
318
00:13:35,198 --> 00:13:37,865
With god's love,
sister cummings."
319
00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:41,602
Okay, this woman has been
the bane of my existence
320
00:13:41,604 --> 00:13:43,604
Since I was
in high school,
321
00:13:43,606 --> 00:13:45,272
And now she's giving it
to my son, kevin.
322
00:13:45,274 --> 00:13:47,808
So this is the response
I want to send back,
323
00:13:47,810 --> 00:13:49,276
So can I just
get your opinion?
324
00:13:49,478 --> 00:13:50,811
It's quick. Okay.
"sister...
325
00:13:51,013 --> 00:13:54,147
How the holy
are you still alive?
326
00:13:54,149 --> 00:13:57,550
You were an ancient,
dusty claptrap of a human
327
00:13:57,553 --> 00:13:59,486
30 years ago.
328
00:13:59,488 --> 00:14:03,824
What's keeping you alive?
Hatred of children?
329
00:14:03,826 --> 00:14:06,627
I took that girl I gummed up
to the prom."
330
00:14:06,629 --> 00:14:10,097
This is true.
"and guess what. We sinned."
331
00:14:12,501 --> 00:14:14,568
"we sinned long and hard.
332
00:14:14,770 --> 00:14:16,303
I guess you failed
in your mission
333
00:14:16,505 --> 00:14:18,171
To teach the youth
to be good.
334
00:14:18,373 --> 00:14:21,975
What does that feel like,
you despicable penguin?!
335
00:14:21,977 --> 00:14:23,844
Revenge is a bitch,
ain't it?
336
00:14:24,046 --> 00:14:27,380
You'll give kevin detention
over my dead body.
337
00:14:27,382 --> 00:14:29,316
Speaking of dead bodies,
338
00:14:29,518 --> 00:14:32,653
See you soon at your funeral,
which I will attend.
339
00:14:32,855 --> 00:14:35,289
Hail satan!
Anthony gunk."
340
00:14:37,059 --> 00:14:39,326
This woman has been
the bane of my existence
341
00:14:39,328 --> 00:14:40,527
For 30-something years.
342
00:14:40,729 --> 00:14:42,796
Is that okay to send?
343
00:14:42,798 --> 00:14:44,598
Sal: Here we go.
344
00:14:48,370 --> 00:14:51,571
Soon at your funeral,
which I will attend.
345
00:14:51,773 --> 00:14:54,040
Hail satan!
Anthony gunk."
346
00:14:54,042 --> 00:14:55,642
Is that okay to send?
347
00:14:58,580 --> 00:14:59,912
You think
I should take out the fact
348
00:15:00,114 --> 00:15:01,648
That I banged
on prom night
349
00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:04,151
Or the "hail satan"
or her dead body?
350
00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:07,720
Okay.
Just -- just rethink it.
351
00:15:07,722 --> 00:15:09,455
Alright. Very good.
Thank you.
352
00:15:09,458 --> 00:15:10,991
Murr: Suck it, sister.
353
00:15:11,860 --> 00:15:15,595
Come on. Excuse me.
Do you have kids, bud?
354
00:15:15,797 --> 00:15:16,929
Here we go. He's in.
355
00:15:17,131 --> 00:15:18,598
Do you mind
if I ask your advice on this?
356
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:22,135
I just got an email from
my kid's principal at school,
357
00:15:22,337 --> 00:15:24,070
And I'm thinking
of writing the principal back.
358
00:15:24,072 --> 00:15:26,539
I'm not sure if
my response is too overheated.
359
00:15:26,541 --> 00:15:27,540
You tell me, okay?
360
00:15:27,742 --> 00:15:29,141
She says to me,
she goes,
361
00:15:29,144 --> 00:15:32,545
"nicholas threw a wet paper
towel at the blackboard today,
362
00:15:32,747 --> 00:15:36,282
Which frightened miss scrabis
and disrupted class.
363
00:15:36,284 --> 00:15:38,418
We asked him to submit
an essay explaining
364
00:15:38,620 --> 00:15:41,354
Why what he did was
inappropriate."
365
00:15:41,356 --> 00:15:42,689
Okay.
I don't know about you,
but when I was in school,
366
00:15:42,891 --> 00:15:44,757
We threw spitballs
all the time, right?
367
00:15:44,759 --> 00:15:47,360
It's not a big deal. Kids do it,
you know what I'm saying?
368
00:15:47,562 --> 00:15:48,828
It's a different world.
369
00:15:48,831 --> 00:15:50,763
I know, but it's not the way
I was raised, man.
370
00:15:50,765 --> 00:15:53,433
So I thought I'd write
the principal back.
371
00:15:53,635 --> 00:15:55,968
Here's what I'm thinking
of sending.
372
00:15:55,970 --> 00:15:58,304
"I say
that's simply impossible.
373
00:15:58,506 --> 00:16:00,907
Nicholas knows
that when he misbehaves,
374
00:16:00,909 --> 00:16:02,242
Daddy goes away
375
00:16:02,244 --> 00:16:03,776
And mr. Koomie
comes out.
376
00:16:03,778 --> 00:16:05,378
Mr. Koomie
crawls on all fours
377
00:16:05,580 --> 00:16:07,914
And speaks in a deep
southern drawl."
378
00:16:08,116 --> 00:16:09,716
Why southern?
379
00:16:11,653 --> 00:16:14,254
You know, I use that to
threaten my kids, you know?
380
00:16:14,456 --> 00:16:16,656
It's like a character
I play.
381
00:16:16,858 --> 00:16:18,324
Almost like a creature
in the --
382
00:16:18,326 --> 00:16:19,659
That crawls
down the stairs backward.
383
00:16:19,661 --> 00:16:22,329
You know, it's like that,
but with southern drawl.
384
00:16:24,933 --> 00:16:28,401
I mean, at least give me
the southern drawl.
385
00:16:28,403 --> 00:16:31,071
I don't know.
It's up to you, but I would...
386
00:16:37,011 --> 00:16:39,211
So what you're saying is,
I shouldn't tell the principal
387
00:16:39,214 --> 00:16:42,348
About the southern demon I play
to scare my children?
No, no, no.
388
00:16:42,550 --> 00:16:45,685
Those are the kind of things
that will send
389
00:16:45,687 --> 00:16:48,020
Both you and your son
to the therapy.
390
00:16:50,358 --> 00:16:53,093
Murr, say "I do declare,"
then scuttle off on all fours.
391
00:16:56,231 --> 00:16:58,732
Yeah. So you're saying
the email is not ready to send?
392
00:17:00,234 --> 00:17:01,768
well, I do declare!
393
00:17:01,970 --> 00:17:04,170
Excuse me.
394
00:17:08,911 --> 00:17:09,976
Alright.
395
00:17:13,181 --> 00:17:15,848
Narrator: The apple didn't
fall far from the tree.
396
00:17:15,850 --> 00:17:18,985
Murr is tonight's big loser.
397
00:17:18,987 --> 00:17:22,254
Okay,
murr is our big loser,
398
00:17:22,257 --> 00:17:23,656
And today we're doing
things a little different.
399
00:17:23,858 --> 00:17:26,058
For your punishment,
we are going to actually
400
00:17:26,060 --> 00:17:28,995
Pamper you a little bit
with a lovely facial.
401
00:17:28,997 --> 00:17:30,663
Okay.
That's right.
402
00:17:30,665 --> 00:17:31,731
So this is rose,
our nurse practitioner.
403
00:17:31,933 --> 00:17:33,399
Hi, rose.
Hi. Nice to meet you.
404
00:17:33,401 --> 00:17:35,267
She will be micro-needling
your stupid face,
405
00:17:35,270 --> 00:17:37,870
And that is a process
whereby she will jab your face
406
00:17:37,872 --> 00:17:39,606
With a needle thousands
of times.
407
00:17:39,808 --> 00:17:41,141
It's very painful.
Is it?
408
00:17:41,343 --> 00:17:42,542
Yes.
Don't worry about it,
buddy.
409
00:17:42,744 --> 00:17:43,743
I'm sure
once the facial is over,
410
00:17:43,945 --> 00:17:45,678
That'll be the end
of your punishment.
411
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:48,681
Sure.
Take it away, rose.
412
00:17:48,683 --> 00:17:51,484
Alright. I'm gonna start
on your forehead, okay?
413
00:17:51,486 --> 00:17:54,621
Ow. Ow, ow, ow.
That freaking hurts.
414
00:17:54,823 --> 00:17:56,556
Ow!
415
00:17:56,758 --> 00:17:59,159
That should be good. Yeah,
we'll call it right about.
Want me to stop?
416
00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:00,560
Yeah,
I think that's good.
Oh. Okay.
417
00:18:00,562 --> 00:18:01,828
Yeah.
What does it look like?
418
00:18:03,698 --> 00:18:05,165
Better? Is it better?
There you go, pal.
419
00:18:05,367 --> 00:18:06,232
Check that out.
420
00:18:06,434 --> 00:18:08,634
Ew!
yeah. That's you.
421
00:18:08,637 --> 00:18:10,302
Wait, wait, wait.
Yeah?
422
00:18:10,305 --> 00:18:12,705
You got to finish the face.
No, no, that would be
less funny.
423
00:18:12,907 --> 00:18:14,440
The event's started.
We gotta go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
424
00:18:14,642 --> 00:18:16,108
We're gonna stop
right here.
425
00:18:16,310 --> 00:18:18,311
Wait, what?
We're stopping
at the halfway part
426
00:18:18,513 --> 00:18:20,713
'cause the event's
about to start!
427
00:18:20,715 --> 00:18:21,982
For real, I just go out now?
Yeah.
428
00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:24,384
What am I walking into?
The event.
429
00:18:24,586 --> 00:18:27,387
Come on, harvey dent,
we got to get going.
430
00:18:27,389 --> 00:18:29,655
So here's the deal.
We are at a firehouse today.
431
00:18:29,658 --> 00:18:31,457
He has no idea
what this is about,
432
00:18:31,459 --> 00:18:33,393
What he's saying,
who he is, nothing.
433
00:18:33,595 --> 00:18:36,262
He is going to walk out
completely cold to these people.
434
00:18:36,264 --> 00:18:39,331
Okay, we're ready
to get to our next speaker.
435
00:18:39,334 --> 00:18:40,400
James, are you ready?
436
00:18:40,602 --> 00:18:42,134
Here we go.
437
00:18:49,843 --> 00:18:51,577
Man: We're ready
to get to our next speaker,
438
00:18:51,579 --> 00:18:55,514
Who will be speaking about
fireworks and fireworks safety.
439
00:18:55,716 --> 00:18:56,848
James, are you ready?
440
00:18:57,050 --> 00:18:58,650
Here we go.
441
00:19:04,726 --> 00:19:05,991
Hi, everybody.
442
00:19:06,193 --> 00:19:08,460
Alright, reach into your pocket,
grab a note,
443
00:19:08,462 --> 00:19:10,730
Read the note from your pocket
out loud, buddy.
444
00:19:10,932 --> 00:19:12,598
Okay.
Uh, hi, everybody.
445
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:15,200
Uh, I'm here today
with the insistence
446
00:19:15,202 --> 00:19:17,269
Of the state of new york
447
00:19:17,271 --> 00:19:19,805
To share with you
the dangers of fireworks
448
00:19:19,807 --> 00:19:25,611
So your children don't make
the same mistakes...I did.
449
00:19:25,813 --> 00:19:27,212
You could take or leave
this court order.
450
00:19:27,414 --> 00:19:29,481
So here we go.
451
00:19:29,683 --> 00:19:32,017
Fireworks are illegal to buy,
452
00:19:32,219 --> 00:19:34,954
Sell, and use
in the state of new york.
453
00:19:35,156 --> 00:19:36,288
"I have to
say these things."
454
00:19:36,490 --> 00:19:38,624
I have to say these things.
You understand.
455
00:19:38,626 --> 00:19:40,426
Dan cast, cough
and shake your head no.
456
00:19:41,895 --> 00:19:44,496
What?
457
00:19:44,698 --> 00:19:45,831
Okay. Moving on.
458
00:19:45,833 --> 00:19:47,433
"this part is from me."
459
00:19:47,635 --> 00:19:49,101
So a cautionary tale.
I wrote this part.
460
00:19:49,303 --> 00:19:50,836
It's about me, my story.
461
00:19:50,838 --> 00:19:52,037
Let's get through it together,
folks.
462
00:19:54,375 --> 00:19:56,575
I have to say this --
by court order,
463
00:19:56,577 --> 00:20:00,379
I have to tell you about my
story and how I ended up here.
464
00:20:00,381 --> 00:20:03,515
Uh, I started selling w's,
465
00:20:03,717 --> 00:20:06,051
You know, "'works"...
466
00:20:06,053 --> 00:20:08,788
Out of my parents' basement
when I was 13.
467
00:20:10,524 --> 00:20:13,258
By 16, I was dealing --
roman candles,
468
00:20:13,460 --> 00:20:15,127
Bottle rockets, booty chasers.
469
00:20:15,329 --> 00:20:16,328
"you see,
my uncle was a cop."
470
00:20:16,530 --> 00:20:17,863
See, my uncle's a cop,
you see?
471
00:20:18,065 --> 00:20:19,531
"used to confiscate
people's fireworks."
472
00:20:19,533 --> 00:20:22,001
He used to -- he used to, like,
confiscate people's fireworks.
473
00:20:22,003 --> 00:20:23,134
"then I'd take 'em from him
and sell 'em."
474
00:20:23,137 --> 00:20:24,203
I'd take it from him
475
00:20:24,405 --> 00:20:25,404
And sell 'em right back
to the neighborhood.
476
00:20:25,406 --> 00:20:28,540
It was the --
477
00:20:28,742 --> 00:20:29,808
Let's keep it going.
478
00:20:29,811 --> 00:20:32,011
Anyways,
it was cool as shit.
479
00:20:32,013 --> 00:20:33,679
In jersey, they call those
a beach bum chasers.
480
00:20:33,881 --> 00:20:37,549
Let's move on.
481
00:20:37,551 --> 00:20:39,018
Moving on.
482
00:20:39,220 --> 00:20:42,688
So, some mistakes
I have made along the way.
483
00:20:42,690 --> 00:20:46,158
Uh, I stopped using a beeper
as my mode of communication
484
00:20:46,360 --> 00:20:48,960
With neighborhoods,
kids, or referrals.
485
00:20:48,962 --> 00:20:51,763
Uh, cellphones were invented,
and I started using those.
486
00:20:51,965 --> 00:20:53,565
Mistake.
487
00:20:53,567 --> 00:20:54,834
The government just loves
to find new ways
488
00:20:55,036 --> 00:20:56,301
To encroach upon
our freedoms.
489
00:20:56,503 --> 00:20:57,836
"and cellphones help them."
490
00:20:57,839 --> 00:21:00,706
And cellphones help them,
not you.
491
00:21:00,708 --> 00:21:03,042
if...
492
00:21:05,046 --> 00:21:06,846
Any questions about pagers?
493
00:21:10,051 --> 00:21:11,717
So, another mistake I made.
494
00:21:11,919 --> 00:21:13,919
My girlfriend,
now my wife,
495
00:21:13,921 --> 00:21:15,921
Moved into the basement
with me.
496
00:21:15,923 --> 00:21:17,589
She had access to the garage
497
00:21:17,591 --> 00:21:19,658
And she wanted to sell
her candles out of there.
498
00:21:21,595 --> 00:21:26,465
At first I was like, "no way."
but then she kept on it.
499
00:21:26,467 --> 00:21:28,934
So she would sell her candles
on tuesdays and thursdays
500
00:21:29,136 --> 00:21:31,270
And I would go dark
those days.
501
00:21:31,472 --> 00:21:34,005
Mind you,
my biz is seasonal.
502
00:21:34,007 --> 00:21:37,008
Maybe I squeezed some extra
spring/fall weeks in there,
503
00:21:37,210 --> 00:21:38,877
But come
the dog days of winter,
504
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,613
You couldn't sell a cherry bomb
to an arsonist.
505
00:21:41,815 --> 00:21:44,283
I'd like to see you try.
Lol.
506
00:21:47,621 --> 00:21:50,956
I'd make anywhere from $75
to $150-ish a day profit.
507
00:21:51,158 --> 00:21:53,825
So let's say average is
$112.50 a day profit.
508
00:21:53,827 --> 00:21:57,229
So one $1s12.50 times
32 days that she sold
509
00:21:57,431 --> 00:22:00,099
Equals $3,600 that
I lost in that amount of time
510
00:22:00,101 --> 00:22:03,635
That particular season.
511
00:22:03,637 --> 00:22:06,905
They're getting angry
at you. Next slide.
512
00:22:06,908 --> 00:22:09,040
I needed to make up
that money,
513
00:22:09,042 --> 00:22:11,843
So I started selling
willy-nilly to even the kids
514
00:22:11,845 --> 00:22:15,046
That I knew had strict parents
and I got reported
515
00:22:15,048 --> 00:22:16,982
Because this
one kid's dad was a retired
516
00:22:17,184 --> 00:22:19,851
Parking enforcement officer --
meter maid --
517
00:22:20,053 --> 00:22:21,987
And that's when I blew up
my operation,
518
00:22:22,189 --> 00:22:24,924
Figuratively and actually.
519
00:22:25,126 --> 00:22:29,128
Next slide.
Had mid-size explosion...
520
00:22:29,330 --> 00:22:31,730
Had mid-size explosion in garage
in 2019.
521
00:22:31,732 --> 00:22:33,598
Hence my face.
522
00:22:33,601 --> 00:22:36,201
look at his face!
523
00:22:36,203 --> 00:22:39,070
That's when jared,
the meter maid, reported me.
524
00:22:39,272 --> 00:22:42,474
It's fine. It's for the better.
I still talk to his son.
525
00:22:46,347 --> 00:22:49,281
For real, I have not sold
any fireworks since then.
526
00:22:49,483 --> 00:22:53,084
"you hear that, dan?"
you hear that, dan?
527
00:22:53,286 --> 00:22:56,087
I sell candles now too
with my wife,
528
00:22:56,089 --> 00:22:59,958
Who is also ordered to assist me
with these cool teachings.
529
00:23:03,164 --> 00:23:05,965
My wife will now pass
out pamphlets from the city.
530
00:23:06,167 --> 00:23:07,833
Okay, here comes
your wife.
531
00:23:08,035 --> 00:23:09,701
Your wife,
who is being played by johnna,
532
00:23:09,703 --> 00:23:12,171
Our producer and writer.
533
00:23:12,173 --> 00:23:14,706
Hi.
Hi.
534
00:23:14,708 --> 00:23:17,376
Let's get a look at johnna,
who's also been
535
00:23:17,378 --> 00:23:20,111
Severely and
horribly burned.
536
00:23:22,316 --> 00:23:23,915
Click the next one,
murr.
537
00:23:25,452 --> 00:23:30,189
That is -- that is my obligatory
court-ordered presentation.
538
00:23:30,391 --> 00:23:32,057
Sick fireworks, huh?
539
00:23:34,127 --> 00:23:35,994
Murr, take out
that sparkler we gave you.
540
00:23:35,997 --> 00:23:37,462
I'm sorry.
I know I put it somewhere.
541
00:23:37,664 --> 00:23:39,365
I like to end with a bang.
542
00:23:41,402 --> 00:23:45,537
[ sparkler fizzing,
laughter ]
543
00:23:45,739 --> 00:23:48,139
Dan, do me a favor.
Go put that out for us.
544
00:23:53,214 --> 00:23:56,281
This guy left.
"eight months, three weeks
to go," and walk out.
545
00:23:56,483 --> 00:23:58,483
Eight months,
three weeks to go.
546
00:23:58,685 --> 00:24:01,753
Let's go!
547
00:24:01,955 --> 00:24:02,754
Peace.
547
00:24:03,305 --> 00:25:03,881
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