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[ Wind whipping ]

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00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:11,860
[ Thunder crashes ]

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Support us and become VIP member 
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[ Thunder crashing ]

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ANNOUNCER:
The October storm,

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caused by a double-barrel
low-pressure system

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00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:40,640
in eastern Nebraska,

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is the most intense so far
of this winter season.

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00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:46,980
Travelers' warnings
for flash flooding, high winds,

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00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,520
and severe thunderstorms. . .

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00:02:48,650 --> 00:02:50,650
GERT:
[ Coughing ]

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00:02:50,770 --> 00:02:52,940
[ Laughing ]

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00:02:53,070 --> 00:02:54,900
ANNOUNCER: Motorists are advised
to take extreme caution,

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as already the road conditions
have become treacherous,

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especially in those areas
where the highways cross

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00:02:59,990 --> 00:03:02,950
or are near rivers
or other major bodies of water.

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00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:07,410
I repeat, the Weather Bureau
has issued travelers' warnings

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00:03:07,540 --> 00:03:11,710
for flash flooding, high winds,
and severe thunderstorms.

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00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,460
The motorist is advised
to take extreme caution

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00:03:14,590 --> 00:03:16,550
as road conditions
have already. . .

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GERT:
Shut the hell up.

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00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:20,390
Goddamn puppet.

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00:03:20,510 --> 00:03:24,970
You're nothing but a puppet
for the Weather Bureau.

24
00:03:25,100 --> 00:03:30,650
And they pull the string that
makes your mouth go up and down.

25
00:03:32,900 --> 00:03:38,110
I'll bet you don't even know
what the hell an isobar is.

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00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:40,320
[ Laughs ]

27
00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:51,330
And don't go telling me
it's some kind of a popsicle.

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00:03:51,460 --> 00:03:54,460
'Cause it ain't!

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00:03:56,880 --> 00:04:00,050
I got schooling in me.

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00:04:00,180 --> 00:04:03,390
I'm no dummy.

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00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:06,390
Charlie saw to that.

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00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:15,360
Charlie didn't want no dummy
for a wife.

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00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:25,530
And I didn't want no Charlie
McCarthy for a husband either.

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00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:29,660
I wanted Charlie Hammond.

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00:04:29,790 --> 00:04:35,130
And I wanted to be
Mrs. Gert Hammond.

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00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:38,800
Wife of Charlie.

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00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:42,180
Charlie's woman.

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Forever.

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Not just till they came.

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[ Thunder crashes ]

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00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:55,860
Stinking windshield wipers don't
make a damn of a difference.

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00:04:55,980 --> 00:04:59,110
I shouldn't be toting around
mammals on a night like this.

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00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:01,740
Why the hell didn't
that crummy circus give me

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00:05:01,860 --> 00:05:02,910
the amphibian cage?

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00:05:03,030 --> 00:05:03,950
[ Lion roaring ]

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00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:06,620
Pipe down, Samson!

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00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:09,580
You might be king of the jungle
in Africa,

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00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:12,750
but in this circus,
you're nothing but a bozo.

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00:05:12,870 --> 00:05:16,250
Every time I see that trainer
putting the hula hoops on you

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00:05:16,380 --> 00:05:18,050
and I see those kids screaming

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00:05:18,170 --> 00:05:21,050
with the Cracker Jacks flying
out of their mouths

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00:05:21,170 --> 00:05:23,840
and the cotton candy
sticking to their chins,

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00:05:23,970 --> 00:05:25,970
it makes me sick!

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00:05:26,100 --> 00:05:27,930
Sick, Samson!

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00:05:28,060 --> 00:05:29,680
Yeah, sick.

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I want to puke on them.

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00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:34,440
God knows it wouldn't make
any difference,

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what with the mustard
and ice cream

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00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:40,320
dripping down
their fat little necks.

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00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,490
God, you can't even tell

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00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:46,450
between the freckles
and the mashed popcorn.

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-[ Gorilla snarling ]
-No, Medusa.

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00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,620
I wasn't talking about you.

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00:05:52,750 --> 00:05:55,710
Gorillas are different
from little children.

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They have more hair.

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[ Elephant trumpets ]

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00:06:06,550 --> 00:06:08,220
Don't know what he's carrying,

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00:06:08,350 --> 00:06:10,930
but whatever they are,
they sure are hungry.

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00:06:11,060 --> 00:06:14,270
I don't have to worry
about hunger.

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00:06:14,390 --> 00:06:16,100
Of the stomach.

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00:06:16,230 --> 00:06:18,150
Just the other hunger.

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00:06:18,270 --> 00:06:23,240
The one more ravishing
that I worry about.

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00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,950
But why worry?

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00:06:27,070 --> 00:06:30,910
Wasn't there something I read
or heard in church,

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something about birds.

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Birds don't worry about eating,

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00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:40,290
and yet God provides
plenty of food.

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00:06:40,420 --> 00:06:44,760
But I -- I'm not satisfied
with just worms!

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I need something
more substantial.

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[ Horn honks, tires screech ]

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[ Horn honking ]

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00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,640
Howdy, stranger.

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00:06:54,770 --> 00:06:56,350
No need to ask
if you need a lift.

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00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:58,310
We all need one
in this kind of weather.

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00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:03,440
The real question --
The $64,000 question is --

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00:07:03,570 --> 00:07:04,570
How high do you want to get?

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00:07:04,690 --> 00:07:06,450
What are you -- a junkie?

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00:07:06,570 --> 00:07:08,990
Only junk I carry
is on my wrist.

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00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:11,490
And what do you have
in those two crates?

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00:07:11,620 --> 00:07:12,740
Oh, it's just something
I picked up

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when I was hitchhiking
from Tucson.

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ROO: Well, you take your
two crates and you take yourself

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00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:18,870
and you get yourself right
into this car

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00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,250
before you drown in that rain.

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00:07:20,380 --> 00:07:21,920
Yes, ma'am.
Right away.

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Sash,
pick up that lily-white butt

97
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and go help with Mr. Stranger
with his things.

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00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,470
And just give him a hand,
you hear?

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00:07:36,980 --> 00:07:40,310
I was ordered to lend you a hand
and nothing more.

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00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:43,690
Those were the orders
from our general over there

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00:07:43,820 --> 00:07:46,900
with her junk-jewelry medals.

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00:07:47,030 --> 00:07:48,950
Why do you listen to her?

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00:07:49,070 --> 00:07:51,200
Why did you bring what I was
told -- the lily-white butt --

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00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:53,080
out in this rain?

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00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:59,540
My butt's white from being so
numb after two days of driving.

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00:07:59,670 --> 00:08:02,880
But it used to be red
when we used to live in Tucson.

107
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,920
If only
you could have seen it then.

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00:08:05,050 --> 00:08:07,710
Gee, ma'am, I ain't even seen
the white one yet.

109
00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,550
So quit jumping the gun.

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00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:11,640
Oh, you'll see it all right.

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Just a matter of time.

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-[ Horn honks ]
-ROO: Sash!

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And Ruta's whim.

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Sash, honey, your skirt's soaked
through to the skin.

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so please take it off
before sitting next to me.

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Now, come on in, you two,

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and Mister --
What's your name again?

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Toydy. Toydy McNeil.

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''Toydy''? Is that Brooklyn?

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TOYDY:
No. Why?

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ROO:
Well, in Brooklyn,

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they say things like doydy
and boydy and toydy.

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I was educated in Brooklyn.

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Brooklyn Community College.

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It was quite a community
of fatsos.

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00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:46,090
They really believed
in letting it all hang out.

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Hanging out
of their shirt sleeves

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00:08:48,630 --> 00:08:50,420
and the collars of their suits

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00:08:50,550 --> 00:08:52,840
and their two-piece
bathing suits.

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00:08:52,970 --> 00:08:56,010
You know, people see whales
on the beach after a storm,

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and they think that's something.

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That's only because they've
never been to Brighton Beach.

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Well, I'm for letting it all
hang out.

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00:09:03,100 --> 00:09:05,900
That's been my motto
since I was 17.

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00:09:06,020 --> 00:09:07,230
I'm sure
what you have to hang out

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00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:09,860
is well worth exposing
to the light of day.

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00:09:09,990 --> 00:09:13,280
Or, for that matter,
a 6-watt overhead lamp.

138
00:09:13,990 --> 00:09:16,070
Care to surface
your breathing snorkel?

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00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,200
SASH:
Ruta, cut it out.

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00:09:18,330 --> 00:09:19,750
Turn off that light.

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00:09:19,870 --> 00:09:21,910
I've had enough of this filth.

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00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:24,080
Who was she telling you about
back there?

143
00:09:24,210 --> 00:09:26,590
TOYDY: Oh, nothing much.
Something about Tucson.

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00:09:26,710 --> 00:09:29,090
About how she used to have
a red butt?

145
00:09:29,210 --> 00:09:30,300
-SASH: Shut up, Ruta.
-TOYDY: That's it.

146
00:09:30,420 --> 00:09:32,260
She said she had a red butt
when she was in Arizona.

147
00:09:32,380 --> 00:09:33,720
SASH:
Ruta!

148
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,260
She didn't get it
from lying in too much sun.

149
00:09:35,390 --> 00:09:36,260
I can tell you that.

150
00:09:36,390 --> 00:09:37,760
You want to know how she got it?

151
00:09:37,890 --> 00:09:39,810
Shut up, Ruta.
I'm warning you.

152
00:09:39,930 --> 00:09:42,100
You want to know, stranger?

153
00:09:42,230 --> 00:09:44,980
Yeah, well, I don't know.
Sure.

154
00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:46,520
Roo, you keep your mouth shut!

155
00:09:46,650 --> 00:09:47,810
He wants to know, honey.

156
00:09:47,940 --> 00:09:48,860
Shut up!

157
00:09:48,980 --> 00:09:51,740
I'm not going to tell you
till you let it all hang out.

158
00:09:51,860 --> 00:09:53,240
Come on, now. Fair's fair.

159
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,660
I let you see
her lily-white butt, didn't I?

160
00:10:00,620 --> 00:10:01,790
Ooh, baby doll.

161
00:10:01,910 --> 00:10:03,580
For that, I'd give you

162
00:10:03,710 --> 00:10:07,040
the formula to the atomic bomb
if I knew it.

163
00:10:07,170 --> 00:10:10,250
Didn't you learn that stuff
in Brooklyn Community College?

164
00:10:10,380 --> 00:10:14,260
ROO: They taught us about
atomic fission and fusion.

165
00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:16,800
And I was all hot for fusion,
baby.

166
00:10:16,930 --> 00:10:20,140
TOYDY: Red hot
like your friend's butt was?

167
00:10:20,260 --> 00:10:23,270
You didn't tell him, Roo,
did you?

168
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:24,770
I have to tell him now, Sash.

169
00:10:24,890 --> 00:10:26,770
I can't leave him hanging
in the air

170
00:10:26,900 --> 00:10:29,900
when he's giving me what I want
right in the palm of my hand.

171
00:10:30,020 --> 00:10:31,820
SASH:
You'll never live to tell him!

172
00:10:31,940 --> 00:10:32,940
Never!

173
00:10:33,070 --> 00:10:34,360
[ Tires screeching ]

174
00:10:39,620 --> 00:10:42,160
[ Crash ]

175
00:10:43,580 --> 00:10:46,080
[ Explosion ]

176
00:10:47,670 --> 00:10:49,380
BOND:
Hey, I saw something.

177
00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:51,000
An explosion or something.

178
00:10:51,130 --> 00:10:53,340
-CHANDLER: What?
-BOND: I don't know.

179
00:10:53,460 --> 00:10:56,680
It was like a big ball of fire,
like something exploded.

180
00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:58,180
A gas tank or something.

181
00:10:58,300 --> 00:10:59,470
CHANDLER:
You're very observant.

182
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:00,970
BOND:
So are you.

183
00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:02,350
I've been noticing

184
00:11:02,470 --> 00:11:05,020
you scrutinizing me
for a long time now.

185
00:11:05,140 --> 00:11:06,390
What was it
you were scrutinizing?

186
00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:07,890
My nose?

187
00:11:08,020 --> 00:11:09,980
Was there a piece of snot
hanging from my nose?

188
00:11:10,110 --> 00:11:11,400
No.

189
00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:13,020
BOND:
Well, I caught a cold, you know,

190
00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:15,190
waiting out there in the rain
until you picked me up.

191
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:16,950
I'm mighty grateful to you,

192
00:11:17,070 --> 00:11:18,860
what, with all your sweet music

193
00:11:18,990 --> 00:11:21,370
and your fancy-smelling
pipe tobacco.

194
00:11:21,490 --> 00:11:23,660
What's the matter?
You don't like Tchaikovsky?

195
00:11:23,790 --> 00:11:25,500
BOND:
I'm not complaining, Chandler.

196
00:11:25,620 --> 00:11:27,370
In fact, I said
I'm mighty grateful.

197
00:11:27,500 --> 00:11:29,040
-It's just that. . .
-What, Bond?

198
00:11:29,170 --> 00:11:31,080
Well, it's just. . .

199
00:11:31,210 --> 00:11:34,550
My gazes?
My admiring glances?

200
00:11:34,670 --> 00:11:37,880
At your rather extravagant torso

201
00:11:38,010 --> 00:11:39,630
put you ill at ease?

202
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,760
Well, no.

203
00:11:41,890 --> 00:11:43,890
It's just that that's all
you're doing is just looking.

204
00:11:44,020 --> 00:11:46,270
You mean you were expecting me
to do something else?

205
00:11:46,390 --> 00:11:48,810
Me? Chandler Wilson?

206
00:11:48,940 --> 00:11:52,060
Heir to the Wilson fortune?

207
00:11:52,190 --> 00:11:54,070
And widower
of Sarah Lou Phillips

208
00:11:54,190 --> 00:11:56,190
from the House of Phillips
Unlimited?

209
00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:57,820
You mean the House of Phillips,

210
00:11:57,950 --> 00:12:00,160
that big girdle manufacturing
plant down in Waco?

211
00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:02,740
Yes.
That's exactly what I mean.

212
00:12:02,870 --> 00:12:05,490
That big girdle factory
in central Texas

213
00:12:05,620 --> 00:12:07,620
where everything grows big,

214
00:12:07,750 --> 00:12:09,790
especially a middle-age gut.

215
00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:11,670
I'm scared of that.

216
00:12:11,790 --> 00:12:13,210
Scared of what?

217
00:12:13,340 --> 00:12:14,790
Middle-age gut.

218
00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:18,420
Well, you've got nothing
to fret about, Bond.

219
00:12:18,550 --> 00:12:20,430
From the looks of things,

220
00:12:20,550 --> 00:12:24,390
your gut looks like
it's made out of coiled steel.

221
00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:26,100
You really think so, Chandler?

222
00:12:26,220 --> 00:12:27,350
Pull your shirt down!

223
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:28,310
BOND:
What's wrong?

224
00:12:28,430 --> 00:12:30,140
What did I do wrong, Chandler?

225
00:12:30,270 --> 00:12:33,770
That's the second time you've
flown off the handle tonight.

226
00:12:33,900 --> 00:12:35,860
The first time is when
I wanted to show you

227
00:12:35,980 --> 00:12:37,030
that tattoo on my thigh.

228
00:12:37,150 --> 00:12:40,280
I told you at the time that
I had no interest whatsoever

229
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:42,660
in looking at a tattoo
of a dodo bird.

230
00:12:42,780 --> 00:12:43,740
But they're extinct.

231
00:12:43,870 --> 00:12:45,160
You can't see them anymore.

232
00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:46,490
I'm well aware of that, Bond,

233
00:12:46,620 --> 00:12:49,830
but I think that having one
tattooed on your hairy thigh

234
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:51,710
is in extreme poor taste,

235
00:12:51,830 --> 00:12:54,630
especially considering that the
species has vanished forever.

236
00:12:54,750 --> 00:12:56,090
BOND:
My thigh isn't hairy.

237
00:12:56,210 --> 00:13:00,050
Let's just skip the subject,
shall we?

238
00:13:01,340 --> 00:13:03,680
-Chandler?
-Yeah?

239
00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:05,390
Didn't your wife pass away
recently?

240
00:13:05,510 --> 00:13:07,600
I seem to remember reading
something about it somewhere.

241
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:11,230
My wife, Sarah Lou Phillips,
daughter of Leland,

242
00:13:11,350 --> 00:13:14,770
the creator of the House
of Phillips Unlimited,

243
00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:17,690
died last year.

244
00:13:17,820 --> 00:13:20,320
Died a horrible death.

245
00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:21,900
BOND:
I'm terribly sorry.

246
00:13:22,030 --> 00:13:23,030
For her or for me?

247
00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:24,700
BOND:
For the both of you.

248
00:13:24,820 --> 00:13:27,490
Well, reserve your bleeding
heart strictly for her.

249
00:13:27,620 --> 00:13:30,620
Our marriage was going up
in smoke anyway.

250
00:13:30,750 --> 00:13:34,040
It's just that she turned
the expression into a reality.

251
00:13:34,170 --> 00:13:35,330
Wasn't there a fire?

252
00:13:35,460 --> 00:13:36,840
Wasn't your wife killed
in a fire?

253
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:38,750
You're very observant Bond.

254
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:41,510
Is that where you got
your good-looking body?

255
00:13:41,630 --> 00:13:44,130
From chasing fire engines
down the street?

256
00:13:44,260 --> 00:13:46,300
I work hard to get this body
looking the way it does.

257
00:13:46,430 --> 00:13:47,600
Well, I bet you have.

258
00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:49,180
And is the investment
paying off?

259
00:13:49,310 --> 00:13:52,310
Not tonight it isn't.

260
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:55,520
Bond, I, uh. . .

261
00:13:56,770 --> 00:14:00,190
I find you very attractive.

262
00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:03,320
So attractive that I want to
throw you out of this car.

263
00:14:03,450 --> 00:14:04,570
Well, I don't get it.

264
00:14:04,700 --> 00:14:06,200
If you find me so attractive,

265
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:09,330
why the hell would you
want to throw me out of the car?

266
00:14:09,450 --> 00:14:10,910
I mean, I'm the one

267
00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:12,290
that ought to be getting
out of this car voluntarily,

268
00:14:12,410 --> 00:14:13,790
knowing what's on your mind.

269
00:14:13,910 --> 00:14:16,960
I can't help what's on my mind,
Bond.

270
00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:18,420
It's been a year since I've had

271
00:14:18,540 --> 00:14:20,090
any worthwhile
sexual encounters.

272
00:14:20,210 --> 00:14:21,960
Is that when your wife died?

273
00:14:22,090 --> 00:14:23,260
Oh, the hell with her!

274
00:14:23,380 --> 00:14:25,880
When I mentioned
Sarah Lou Phillips,

275
00:14:26,010 --> 00:14:28,930
heiress to
the House of Phillips Unlimited,

276
00:14:29,060 --> 00:14:32,430
I'm not talking
about worthwhile sex.

277
00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:35,770
It wasn't sex that we shared
in the dark

278
00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:38,940
on that Castro Convertible sofa
her mother bought us.

279
00:14:39,070 --> 00:14:41,360
No.

280
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,690
No, that was
infantile perversion!

281
00:14:43,820 --> 00:14:46,240
BOND: I want you
to tell me about it, Chandler.

282
00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:47,410
CHANDLER:
Why?

283
00:14:47,530 --> 00:14:50,240
Why would a clean,
good-looking kid like you

284
00:14:50,370 --> 00:14:52,910
want to delve
into the filth of the rich?

285
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:55,910
'Cause it's a dark,
stormy night

286
00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:59,670
and there ain't nothing
but this cigarette

287
00:14:59,790 --> 00:15:02,300
and the light on the radio dial

288
00:15:02,420 --> 00:15:05,970
and the rain
and your face in that light.

289
00:15:06,090 --> 00:15:08,260
You got a nice face, Chandler.

290
00:15:08,390 --> 00:15:10,350
You got a real nice face.

291
00:15:16,190 --> 00:15:18,400
[ Music stops ]

292
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:22,440
Give me a puff
of that cigarette, kid.

293
00:15:22,570 --> 00:15:25,360
[ Thunder crashes ]

294
00:15:27,780 --> 00:15:32,780
First it's a pipe.
Now it's a cigarette.

295
00:15:32,910 --> 00:15:35,750
What's it going to be next,
Chandler?

296
00:15:35,870 --> 00:15:37,620
White Owl cigar maybe?

297
00:15:37,750 --> 00:15:41,080
CHANDLER: You've got an uncanny
way of getting under my skin.

298
00:15:41,210 --> 00:15:43,090
BOND:
Wouldn't it be much nicer

299
00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:45,550
if I got into it
rather than under it?

300
00:15:48,930 --> 00:15:49,970
[ Tapping ]

301
00:15:50,090 --> 00:15:53,390
Something the matter, Officer?
Something wrong?

302
00:15:53,510 --> 00:15:55,350
WILLENE: Officer? Oh, no.
I'm nothing like that.

303
00:15:55,470 --> 00:15:58,140
I'm just a housewife.
That's all I am.

304
00:15:58,270 --> 00:15:59,440
See my badge.

305
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,810
That was given to me
by my husband.

306
00:16:01,940 --> 00:16:04,860
He's the country rock singer
Simon Cassidy.

307
00:16:04,980 --> 00:16:06,820
Perhaps you've heard of him.

308
00:16:06,940 --> 00:16:08,950
I've got his pictures
right here,

309
00:16:09,070 --> 00:16:11,820
and they're all personally
autographed by Simon.

310
00:16:11,950 --> 00:16:13,410
Would you like one?

311
00:16:13,530 --> 00:16:14,950
I'm his secretary,

312
00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,830
and Simon personally autographs
every 8x10 glossy

313
00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:18,960
for his friends.

314
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:20,250
You, young fella.

315
00:16:20,370 --> 00:16:22,460
You look like
a country rock fan.

316
00:16:22,590 --> 00:16:24,040
-Are you not?
-Sort of.

317
00:16:24,170 --> 00:16:26,420
My, my, my.
Aren't you a wet noodle?

318
00:16:26,550 --> 00:16:28,510
He's no wet noodle, lady.
I can testify to that.

319
00:16:28,630 --> 00:16:29,970
WILLENE:
Well, I'm becoming one

320
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,760
just standing out here
in all this rain.

321
00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:33,340
Listen, I just stopped
to converse

322
00:16:33,470 --> 00:16:34,390
with my fellow travelers

323
00:16:34,510 --> 00:16:35,850
about the explosion I just saw
down the road a bit.

324
00:16:35,970 --> 00:16:37,310
BOND:
I told you, Chandler.

325
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:39,100
I told you
I saw something blow up.

326
00:16:39,230 --> 00:16:42,100
Maybe a bolt of lightning hit
a tree or something like that.

327
00:16:42,230 --> 00:16:44,360
WILLENE: I didn't see
no lightning, mister.

328
00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:47,440
There was a big yellow flash and
then an orange sheet of fire.

329
00:16:47,570 --> 00:16:48,820
Chandler,
maybe somebody got hurt.

330
00:16:48,940 --> 00:16:50,070
Listen, kid.

331
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:53,320
I vowed before embarking
on this trip

332
00:16:53,450 --> 00:16:58,120
that once I started,
I was never looking back.

333
00:16:58,250 --> 00:17:01,250
Now, I'm going to Waco, Texas,

334
00:17:01,370 --> 00:17:04,080
to that great giant
girdle factory

335
00:17:04,210 --> 00:17:07,050
that stands
like a mammoth mausoleum

336
00:17:07,170 --> 00:17:10,510
to the memory of my dead wife,
Sarah Lou Phillips.

337
00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:11,880
You mean Sarah Lou Phillips

338
00:17:12,010 --> 00:17:13,800
of the House of Phillips
Unlimited?

339
00:17:13,930 --> 00:17:15,430
Yeah.
That's what he's talking about.

340
00:17:15,550 --> 00:17:16,760
CHANDLER: And I don't intend
to water down my mission,

341
00:17:16,890 --> 00:17:19,020
the only mission
I've got in life,

342
00:17:19,140 --> 00:17:22,520
just because some ball of fire
lights up the night sky

343
00:17:22,650 --> 00:17:24,850
in this godforsaken
nowhere land.

344
00:17:24,980 --> 00:17:26,400
[ Thunder crashes ]

345
00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:29,360
No, the ball of fire
I've got planned

346
00:17:29,490 --> 00:17:32,650
is going to rival
the sun itself.

347
00:17:32,780 --> 00:17:35,280
You mark my words, Bond.

348
00:17:35,410 --> 00:17:37,370
It's gonna turn night into day!

349
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:38,790
You scare me, mister.

350
00:17:38,910 --> 00:17:40,580
You're talking
like some sort of beatnik.

351
00:17:40,700 --> 00:17:42,210
CHANDLER:
And supposing I am,

352
00:17:42,330 --> 00:17:44,080
what have you got
against beatniks?

353
00:17:44,210 --> 00:17:46,130
WILLENE: Well, for one thing,
their bongo drums.

354
00:17:46,250 --> 00:17:48,420
I can't stand
all that stupid pounding.

355
00:17:48,550 --> 00:17:51,670
Listen, I don't know how we got
on this hypotrical subject.

356
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:52,970
CHANDLER:
''Hypothetical.''

357
00:17:53,090 --> 00:17:54,130
Well, that's what I said.

358
00:17:54,260 --> 00:17:55,550
Now, we ought to go back.

359
00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:57,260
There might be people dying
back there.

360
00:17:57,390 --> 00:17:59,390
There are people up ahead
who are dying, too.

361
00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:00,680
[ Engine turns over ]

362
00:18:00,810 --> 00:18:02,730
BOND:
Look, Chandler.

363
00:18:04,020 --> 00:18:07,900
I gave you that cigarette,
and you put it in your mouth.

364
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:11,570
How about
that White Owl Cigar?

365
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:15,570
I saw some lights up ahead.

366
00:18:15,700 --> 00:18:17,700
There's probably a farmhouse
up there.

367
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:20,490
So I'll go and check and see
if they have a telephone

368
00:18:20,620 --> 00:18:22,950
just in case
you find someone injured.

369
00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:24,000
All right, lady.

370
00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:26,500
We'll meet you there.

371
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,540
WILLENE:
God bless you and keep you,

372
00:18:29,670 --> 00:18:34,420
for the devil walks about
on nights such as this.

373
00:18:41,470 --> 00:18:43,180
[ Knock on door ]

374
00:18:43,310 --> 00:18:45,310
GERT:
Who is it?

375
00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:48,310
[ Thunder crashes ]

376
00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:52,190
Who's that knocking at my door?

377
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:55,360
[ Chuckles ]

378
00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:59,870
Is that you, Mr. Maple Tree?

379
00:18:59,990 --> 00:19:01,990
[ Laughs ]

380
00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:07,370
Is the wind making you bang
your branches against my door?

381
00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:08,670
[ Laughs ]

382
00:19:08,790 --> 00:19:12,380
WILLENE: Hello in there.
Anybody home?

383
00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:14,550
Oh, my God.

384
00:19:14,670 --> 00:19:18,680
That was a human voice.

385
00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:25,060
That was a woman's voice calling
from behind that door!

386
00:19:25,770 --> 00:19:29,730
Who is it that speaks to me
with the voice of a woman?!

387
00:19:29,860 --> 00:19:31,690
WILLENE:
My name is Mrs. Cassidy.

388
00:19:31,820 --> 00:19:34,030
Sorry to bother you,
but I need your help.

389
00:19:34,150 --> 00:19:36,900
Well, just a minute,
Mrs. Cassidy!

390
00:19:37,030 --> 00:19:41,780
Mrs. Gert Hammond will be
with you in a minute!

391
00:19:41,910 --> 00:19:44,160
Please be patient.

392
00:19:55,710 --> 00:20:01,300
Why couldn't she have telephoned
before coming over?

393
00:20:01,430 --> 00:20:05,140
It isn't fair
after all these years

394
00:20:05,270 --> 00:20:08,180
that someone should knock
on my door

395
00:20:08,310 --> 00:20:11,310
and not even warn me
of their visit.

396
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,360
Thirty minutes' warning.

397
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,280
That's all I ask.

398
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:21,570
One half-hour to bathe
and scent my body

399
00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:25,200
in preparation
for the ensuing visitation.

400
00:20:25,330 --> 00:20:27,120
[ Knocking continues ]

401
00:20:27,250 --> 00:20:30,290
Just a moment, Mrs. Cassidy!

402
00:20:30,420 --> 00:20:33,960
Mrs. Gert Hammond will be
with you in a moment.

403
00:20:34,090 --> 00:20:37,460
Please forgive the delay.

404
00:20:37,590 --> 00:20:40,260
My hair.

405
00:20:40,380 --> 00:20:44,890
She mustn't see my hair
like this.

406
00:20:47,270 --> 00:20:49,850
Oh, my God.

407
00:20:49,980 --> 00:20:53,860
I'm seeing double.

408
00:20:53,980 --> 00:20:55,900
I'm so drunk,

409
00:20:56,020 --> 00:21:02,860
I can't possibly hold
an audience with Mrs. Cassidy.

410
00:21:02,990 --> 00:21:06,410
Oh, what'll she think of me?

411
00:21:06,540 --> 00:21:10,080
She'll pity me.

412
00:21:10,210 --> 00:21:17,000
I'll be a disgrace to the memory
of my dead husband.

413
00:21:22,050 --> 00:21:23,680
Oh.

414
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:25,800
Oh.

415
00:21:25,930 --> 00:21:30,390
I got to get this alcohol
out of my system.

416
00:21:32,980 --> 00:21:35,230
[ Knocking continues ]

417
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:36,520
[ Gags ]

418
00:21:36,650 --> 00:21:40,070
[ Coughing, breathing heavily ]

419
00:21:40,190 --> 00:21:41,610
[ Groaning ]

420
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:04,970
Oh, why did you have to come
without calling, Mrs. Cassidy?

421
00:22:05,090 --> 00:22:06,550
[ Knocking continues ]

422
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:10,470
Please don't go away!
I'm coming!

423
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:12,980
Please, I'm coming right now!

424
00:22:15,310 --> 00:22:18,020
[ Coughing ]

425
00:22:20,360 --> 00:22:23,110
[ Knocking continues ]

426
00:22:38,420 --> 00:22:39,500
My goodness!

427
00:22:39,630 --> 00:22:42,510
Noah himself never had it
so bad.

428
00:22:42,630 --> 00:22:43,880
If it keeps up like this,

429
00:22:44,010 --> 00:22:46,130
we're gonna have to build
ourselves a --

430
00:22:46,260 --> 00:22:48,340
Have you been sick or something,
ma'am?

431
00:22:49,510 --> 00:22:55,100
My name is Mrs. Gert Hammond.

432
00:22:55,230 --> 00:22:58,650
Welcome to Prairie Blossom,

433
00:22:58,770 --> 00:23:01,860
the name my husband and I chose

434
00:23:01,980 --> 00:23:05,990
for the estate
you are now standing on.

435
00:23:06,110 --> 00:23:08,240
What happened to your head?

436
00:23:08,370 --> 00:23:11,280
Please, let me finish.

437
00:23:11,410 --> 00:23:17,500
Our home, built upon
a stretch of prairie

438
00:23:17,620 --> 00:23:21,960
between the Chickasaw
and Thunderbird Rivers,

439
00:23:22,090 --> 00:23:27,300
was built by hand
with loving care

440
00:23:27,430 --> 00:23:30,800
by my husband, Charlie,

441
00:23:30,930 --> 00:23:38,060
who now lies buried in the wine
cellar beneath our very feet.

442
00:23:38,190 --> 00:23:42,770
The stones that comprise
the outer wall

443
00:23:42,900 --> 00:23:45,860
of this stately mansion

444
00:23:45,990 --> 00:23:51,450
were shipped
by horse and cart. . .

445
00:23:51,580 --> 00:23:53,990
Uh. . .

446
00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:59,250
The wonderful granite stones

447
00:23:59,370 --> 00:24:03,880
from the quarry
in the state of Connecticut

448
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:10,680
were shipped
by horse and cart in, uh. . .

449
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,390
[ Sighs ]

450
00:24:20,940 --> 00:24:26,940
By four white horses
pulling a huge cart

451
00:24:27,070 --> 00:24:32,820
made from the hardwood oak
of Kensington County.

452
00:24:32,950 --> 00:24:37,240
The date of departure

453
00:24:37,370 --> 00:24:40,540
listed at the county courthouse

454
00:24:40,670 --> 00:24:48,460
is April 13, 1918.

455
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:51,880
Friday.

456
00:24:54,220 --> 00:24:57,720
Friday the 13th.

457
00:24:57,850 --> 00:25:04,270
The same date as the death
of my husband,

458
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:10,440
when that hideous nightmare
swept down from the Rockies.

459
00:25:10,570 --> 00:25:12,910
WILLENE:
Oh, my dear wretched woman!

460
00:25:13,030 --> 00:25:18,330
How could God in his mercy leave
you alone in this wilderness?

461
00:25:19,710 --> 00:25:22,500
I'm gonna cleanse you
with the waters

462
00:25:22,620 --> 00:25:25,380
that are in
such profusion tonight.

463
00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:29,380
How many days and nights
has your womanly body

464
00:25:29,510 --> 00:25:31,510
been deprived of a washcloth?

465
00:25:31,630 --> 00:25:33,220
[ Chuckles ]

466
00:25:33,340 --> 00:25:36,510
What do the widows of the world
need with a washcloth?

467
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:39,770
Well, soap, for one thing.

468
00:25:39,890 --> 00:25:44,480
And a soothing body oil
for special occasions.

469
00:25:46,730 --> 00:25:50,480
Who are you?!

470
00:25:52,110 --> 00:25:58,030
Coming into my house with your
talk of soap and bath oils?

471
00:25:58,660 --> 00:26:02,710
If you're trying to sell
something, get out!

472
00:26:02,830 --> 00:26:05,750
I have no money!

473
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:09,550
Only memories.

474
00:26:11,130 --> 00:26:13,510
WILLENE:
I'm not selling anything.

475
00:26:13,630 --> 00:26:15,130
I'm giving away for free

476
00:26:15,260 --> 00:26:18,300
the charity that was instilled
in me in my girlhood

477
00:26:18,430 --> 00:26:23,640
as a First Baptist
in the First Church of Christ.

478
00:26:23,770 --> 00:26:27,270
The same church that my husband
and I were married in.

479
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:29,270
Do you know who my husband is?

480
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:31,150
No.

481
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:33,070
Simon Cassidy.

482
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:34,450
Who's he?

483
00:26:34,570 --> 00:26:36,160
Do you mean to tell me

484
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:39,530
you don't know who Simon Cassidy
is, a country rock singer?

485
00:26:39,660 --> 00:26:41,660
You, one of the lonely women

486
00:26:41,790 --> 00:26:46,420
who's allowed my husband to come
into your room via the radio

487
00:26:46,540 --> 00:26:49,750
to dispel the gloom
of your empty rooms?

488
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:51,500
Don't you get jealous?

489
00:26:51,630 --> 00:26:55,220
My husband and I are
as true to each other as we were

490
00:26:55,340 --> 00:26:58,800
three years ago when we were
married in Kentucky.

491
00:26:58,930 --> 00:27:01,010
The wedding was perfect.

492
00:27:01,140 --> 00:27:03,020
[ Bells ringing ]

493
00:27:03,140 --> 00:27:06,640
There was something new --
my snow-white virginity.

494
00:27:06,770 --> 00:27:09,560
[ Wagner's ''Bridal Chorus''
plays ]

495
00:27:13,990 --> 00:27:15,860
Something old --

496
00:27:15,990 --> 00:27:20,070
Simon's mother who came
in the most god-awful satin rag.

497
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:22,200
She looked like
a bag of potatoes

498
00:27:22,330 --> 00:27:23,790
that was oozing margarine.

499
00:27:23,910 --> 00:27:26,040
Then there was
something borrowed --

500
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:29,500
Simon's credit card.

501
00:27:33,260 --> 00:27:35,050
And something blue --

502
00:27:35,170 --> 00:27:38,430
the bluegrass of Kentucky
moving up and down the hills

503
00:27:38,550 --> 00:27:40,140
like the Pacific Ocean.

504
00:27:40,260 --> 00:27:43,930
One of these days, I'm gonna see
the Pacific Ocean for real

505
00:27:44,060 --> 00:27:45,980
when Simon makes it
to Hollywood.

506
00:27:46,100 --> 00:27:48,770
Does Hollywood
want your husband?

507
00:27:48,900 --> 00:27:50,060
WILLENE:
Why, hell, yes.

508
00:27:50,190 --> 00:27:51,360
Of course
Hollywood wants my husband.

509
00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:53,480
But the parts have just not been

510
00:27:53,610 --> 00:27:56,110
up to Simon's
true creative capacity.

511
00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:58,950
Don't stop.

512
00:27:59,070 --> 00:28:01,530
Keep talking.

513
00:28:01,660 --> 00:28:04,660
WILLENE: Well, of course,
you've heard of Hal B. Wallis,

514
00:28:04,790 --> 00:28:07,710
the big movie producer who
produces all of Elvis' movies?

515
00:28:07,830 --> 00:28:09,500
Yes.

516
00:28:09,620 --> 00:28:10,370
Oh, yes.

517
00:28:10,500 --> 00:28:13,710
Mr. Hal B. Wallis sent
my husband's agent a script

518
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:17,720
for a small singing part in
the film ''Bazookas For Peace.''

519
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:19,050
Oh.

520
00:28:19,180 --> 00:28:22,970
I'd give my piece for a bazooka
any time.

521
00:28:23,100 --> 00:28:25,760
After a little conference
with my husband and his agent,

522
00:28:25,890 --> 00:28:28,640
in which I served some homemade
brownies and Turkish coffee,

523
00:28:28,770 --> 00:28:31,350
we all decided that
the part would be detrimental

524
00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:32,610
to Simon's career,

525
00:28:32,730 --> 00:28:34,860
since it was
a gruesome sequence.

526
00:28:34,980 --> 00:28:37,280
Simon was to be a private
in the infantry

527
00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:41,360
who sings a song to his troops
about life in beautiful Ohio.

528
00:28:41,490 --> 00:28:43,570
Well, that part's all right.

529
00:28:43,700 --> 00:28:44,660
Would you --

530
00:28:44,780 --> 00:28:49,040
Would you mind washing me
a little lower, please?

531
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:51,040
Oh, there. That's fine.

532
00:28:51,170 --> 00:28:55,170
WILLENE: Anyhow, he was to be
singing about beautiful Ohio

533
00:28:55,300 --> 00:28:58,460
when suddenly, a bazooka shell
hits my husband, hits Simon,

534
00:28:58,590 --> 00:28:59,970
who plays a private,

535
00:29:00,090 --> 00:29:02,680
and hits him, of all places,
in his privates.

536
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,930
He was talking about shooting it
in slow motion,

537
00:29:05,060 --> 00:29:07,260
and I tell you, it made me sick
just thinking about it.

538
00:29:07,390 --> 00:29:08,520
GERT:
[ Moaning ]

539
00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:11,560
WILLENE:
That's just the way I felt.

540
00:29:11,690 --> 00:29:13,150
Oh, it's painful.

541
00:29:13,270 --> 00:29:16,900
Imagine my husband,
in his motion-picture debut,

542
00:29:17,030 --> 00:29:20,110
being violently emasculated
in wide-screen color

543
00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:22,950
in front of millions
of screaming females.

544
00:29:23,070 --> 00:29:25,280
[ Moaning passionately ]

545
00:29:25,410 --> 00:29:26,990
WILLENE:
That's right, honey.

546
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,450
Screaming just like that.

547
00:29:29,580 --> 00:29:31,960
Why, that would be absolutely
the end of his career

548
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:35,880
as an all-singin',
all-actin', all-Iovin' he-man.

549
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:39,460
GERT:
[ Moaning continues ]

550
00:29:56,900 --> 00:30:00,530
[ Sighing ]

551
00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:16,630
Thank you.

552
00:30:16,710 --> 00:30:20,420
Thank you.

553
00:30:20,550 --> 00:30:22,800
WILLENE:
Willene is my name.

554
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:24,550
And you are, uh, Gert?

555
00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:27,970
Yes.

556
00:30:28,100 --> 00:30:31,060
I'm Gert.

557
00:30:32,020 --> 00:30:37,100
But I'm a Gert reborn.

558
00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:40,900
WILLENE:
Every day is a rebirth.

559
00:30:41,030 --> 00:30:44,030
Every day is Easter.

560
00:30:44,150 --> 00:30:46,990
Just remember to color your eggs
happy colors,

561
00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:49,450
like yellow and baby blue.

562
00:30:49,580 --> 00:30:52,330
By the way, honey,
where is your telephone?

563
00:30:52,450 --> 00:30:54,460
GERT:
It's in the other room.

564
00:30:54,580 --> 00:30:56,250
Thank you.

565
00:30:56,370 --> 00:30:58,710
[ Thunder crashes ]

566
00:31:06,630 --> 00:31:09,430
There's no sound on this thing.

567
00:31:09,550 --> 00:31:11,810
The lines must be down.

568
00:31:22,150 --> 00:31:26,200
GERT: The storm has no mercy
for the telephone company.

569
00:31:26,320 --> 00:31:28,910
Anyway, it's dangerous
to talk on the phone

570
00:31:29,030 --> 00:31:31,120
when there's lightning
in the sky.

571
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:32,410
[ Knock on door ]

572
00:31:32,540 --> 00:31:33,700
[ Gasps ]

573
00:31:33,830 --> 00:31:36,290
Oh, you're very good luck
for my, Willene!

574
00:31:36,410 --> 00:31:39,210
Those doors have not felt
human knuckles for a long time.

575
00:31:39,330 --> 00:31:40,880
I think I know who it is.

576
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:43,500
It's probably the two men I left
in the road awhile ago.

577
00:31:45,470 --> 00:31:46,840
Gracious!

578
00:31:46,970 --> 00:31:50,680
What sort of mischief
has the storm been up to?

579
00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:52,810
Then there was a crash!

580
00:31:52,930 --> 00:31:55,390
BOND:
You bet there was.

581
00:31:56,310 --> 00:31:59,520
A real bad one, too.

582
00:32:00,730 --> 00:32:02,440
Here we go.

583
00:32:02,570 --> 00:32:03,860
Yeah, they were lucky

584
00:32:03,980 --> 00:32:05,780
they managed to crawl away
from the wreck

585
00:32:05,900 --> 00:32:07,320
before the gas tank exploded.

586
00:32:07,450 --> 00:32:09,660
WILLENE: Why is that woman
partially disrobed?

587
00:32:09,780 --> 00:32:12,280
Was it the impact of the crash
that did that?

588
00:32:12,410 --> 00:32:14,030
My skirt was wet.

589
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:19,120
That witch over there didn't
want me to stain the upholstery.

590
00:32:19,250 --> 00:32:22,710
I should have had you leave
the dress on.

591
00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:25,630
A wet stain is better
than a smelly brown one.

592
00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:27,210
Now, cut it out, you two.

593
00:32:27,340 --> 00:32:29,260
There's no more upholstery,
period.

594
00:32:29,380 --> 00:32:32,090
Yeah, that car ain't nothing
but a smoldering wreck.

595
00:32:32,220 --> 00:32:33,760
WILLENE:
Instead of fighting,

596
00:32:33,890 --> 00:32:36,180
you three ought to get down
on your knees

597
00:32:36,310 --> 00:32:37,770
and thank the God Almighty.

598
00:32:37,890 --> 00:32:39,230
Listen, sister.

599
00:32:39,350 --> 00:32:42,150
I get down on my knees
for only one thing,

600
00:32:42,270 --> 00:32:44,400
and it's the men who thank
the Almighty I'm doing it.

601
00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:45,480
Whoo!

602
00:32:45,610 --> 00:32:48,400
She's a sassy one, ain't she?

603
00:32:48,530 --> 00:32:50,700
Your zipper's open, young man.

604
00:32:50,820 --> 00:32:51,990
Mnh, sorry.

605
00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:54,120
Fresh mouth over there
wasn't satisfied

606
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:55,990
with handling her stick shift.

607
00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:59,290
It wasn't my fault
the goddamn crash happened.

608
00:32:59,410 --> 00:33:01,250
Angel puss over there
was to blame.

609
00:33:01,370 --> 00:33:03,330
And for good reason,
to shut you up!

610
00:33:03,460 --> 00:33:05,420
Well, you shut me up this time,
baby,

611
00:33:05,550 --> 00:33:08,210
but maybe next time
you won't be so lucky.

612
00:33:08,340 --> 00:33:11,380
Hush, you two.
You'll wake the dead.

613
00:33:11,510 --> 00:33:14,140
GERT: You leave my husband
out of this.

614
00:33:14,260 --> 00:33:16,050
My husband was a decent man.

615
00:33:16,180 --> 00:33:17,890
Who is this woman?

616
00:33:18,020 --> 00:33:20,060
She's, um, Mrs. . .uh. . .

617
00:33:20,190 --> 00:33:24,100
My name is Mrs. Gert Hammond.

618
00:33:24,230 --> 00:33:27,190
Welcome to Prairie Blossom,

619
00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:29,320
the name my husband and I chose

620
00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:31,320
for the estate
you are now standing on.

621
00:33:31,450 --> 00:33:33,200
SASH: Lady. . .

622
00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:37,870
Why don't you just cut the crap
and get me something to drink?

623
00:33:37,990 --> 00:33:40,080
Please forgive my manners.

624
00:33:40,210 --> 00:33:43,750
It's been so long
since I've entertained.

625
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:48,000
Well, you're doing pretty good
in that shorty kimono, miss.

626
00:33:48,130 --> 00:33:50,710
GERT:
It's Mrs.

627
00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:52,720
Mrs. Hammond is a widow.

628
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:56,220
Her husband is buried
in the wine cellar.

629
00:33:56,350 --> 00:33:57,970
Oh, really?

630
00:33:58,100 --> 00:33:59,810
Well, then why don't you just
forget about those drinks.

631
00:33:59,930 --> 00:34:01,810
SASH:
Afraid of the dead, Roo?

632
00:34:01,940 --> 00:34:03,600
No, I just don't like things

633
00:34:03,730 --> 00:34:06,860
that lie on their backs all
the time without turning over.

634
00:34:06,980 --> 00:34:09,070
I couldn't agree with you more.

635
00:34:09,190 --> 00:34:11,440
Not me.
I always sleep on my back.

636
00:34:11,570 --> 00:34:12,990
And why is that?

637
00:34:13,110 --> 00:34:16,780
'Cause in the back,
everything lies down flat.

638
00:34:16,910 --> 00:34:18,330
Nothing pokes up.

639
00:34:18,450 --> 00:34:21,160
There's nothing flat
about your back.

640
00:34:21,290 --> 00:34:23,080
In fact,
it's damn nice and round.

641
00:34:23,210 --> 00:34:25,420
CHANDLER: If you're so
accustomed to eyeing buttocks,

642
00:34:25,540 --> 00:34:27,670
what's keeping you
from straining your peepers

643
00:34:27,790 --> 00:34:29,750
on this bottomless broad
over here?

644
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:31,380
I'm not a broad!

645
00:34:31,510 --> 00:34:34,130
I resent that male chauvinist
slur to my femininity.

646
00:34:34,260 --> 00:34:35,880
You shut up!
Shut your fat mouth,

647
00:34:36,010 --> 00:34:38,220
and quit talking like the ghost
of my dead wife!

648
00:34:38,350 --> 00:34:40,810
Chandler, your wife's dead!
She's dead!

649
00:34:40,930 --> 00:34:42,680
Yeah, but not forgotten.

650
00:34:42,810 --> 00:34:44,140
No.

651
00:34:44,270 --> 00:34:46,310
Women like her
that won't let me forget.

652
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:48,610
You want to know how she died,
the stupid fool?!

653
00:34:48,730 --> 00:34:50,480
Let go of my throat!

654
00:34:50,610 --> 00:34:52,690
Stop that childish nonsense
this instant!

655
00:34:52,820 --> 00:34:55,320
She died at a garden party
one afternoon.

656
00:34:55,450 --> 00:34:57,030
She took her girdle off,

657
00:34:57,160 --> 00:34:58,910
and she held a match to it
as a sign of her liberation.

658
00:34:59,030 --> 00:35:01,240
Chandler, let go of her throat!

659
00:35:01,370 --> 00:35:04,750
Yeah, but what she didn't know
is that the girdle was flammable

660
00:35:04,870 --> 00:35:06,540
and blow up in her goddamn face!

661
00:35:06,670 --> 00:35:07,870
Stop it!

662
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:10,250
-I'm gonna be sick!
-Oh, not again.

663
00:35:10,380 --> 00:35:11,920
It blew up right in her face,

664
00:35:12,050 --> 00:35:14,880
and her head was covered
with flaming liquid rubber.

665
00:35:15,010 --> 00:35:17,130
WILLENE:
God have mercy.

666
00:35:17,260 --> 00:35:20,890
SASH: Cheesy cow,
you almost strangled me.

667
00:35:22,810 --> 00:35:26,020
Everyone at the garden party
started screaming.

668
00:35:26,140 --> 00:35:30,610
Then they threw their drinks
on her to douse out the flames.

669
00:35:30,730 --> 00:35:33,150
Only, they forgot it was alcohol
they were drinking.

670
00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:35,440
Oh, my dear God.

671
00:35:35,570 --> 00:35:38,700
The horror of the moment
was so great,

672
00:35:38,820 --> 00:35:40,450
to all extents and purposes,

673
00:35:40,580 --> 00:35:41,780
we were just staring

674
00:35:41,910 --> 00:35:44,160
at this flaming,
screaming scarecrow

675
00:35:44,290 --> 00:35:47,080
running across the green lawn
in a panic.

676
00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:57,050
And we all started laughing.

677
00:35:57,180 --> 00:35:58,300
[ Chuckles ]

678
00:35:58,430 --> 00:36:03,350
I laughed so hard that tears
were running down my cheeks.

679
00:36:06,270 --> 00:36:11,940
We all roared hysterically until
there was this hideous hiss.

680
00:36:12,070 --> 00:36:15,530
And then a white column of steam
that boiled skyward

681
00:36:15,650 --> 00:36:18,570
from the swimming pool
where she fell in.

682
00:36:21,700 --> 00:36:25,490
Then there was silence.

683
00:36:26,700 --> 00:36:27,700
[ Sighs ]

684
00:36:27,830 --> 00:36:29,160
Dead silence.

685
00:36:29,290 --> 00:36:31,920
I'm sorry.

686
00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:35,380
I didn't know that your wife
was Sarah Lou Phillips,

687
00:36:35,510 --> 00:36:37,460
the daughter of Leland Phillips,

688
00:36:37,590 --> 00:36:39,880
creator of House of Phillips
Unlimited.

689
00:36:40,010 --> 00:36:41,640
ROO: In Waco, Texas.

690
00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:45,810
Well, I didn't realize that
I'd married into such notoriety.

691
00:36:45,930 --> 00:36:48,980
To us,
the women of North America,

692
00:36:49,100 --> 00:36:51,980
your wife was a martyred saint.

693
00:36:52,110 --> 00:36:55,860
She was a stupid idiot,
a sick nitwit.

694
00:36:55,980 --> 00:36:58,900
You wanted to hear about our
love life, didn't you, Bond?

695
00:36:59,030 --> 00:37:01,530
Well, I'm gonna tell you
all the filthy details.

696
00:37:01,660 --> 00:37:03,990
I'm gonna tell you right here
and right now.

697
00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:06,490
Shut up, Chandler. This isn't
the time or the place.

698
00:37:06,620 --> 00:37:09,450
CHANDLER: No.
No, it wouldn't be for you!

699
00:37:09,580 --> 00:37:11,750
You'd rather I told you
at midnight

700
00:37:11,870 --> 00:37:14,670
behind the trash cans
at a Greyhound bus depot.

701
00:37:14,790 --> 00:37:18,880
You cheap, rotten hustler.

702
00:37:25,180 --> 00:37:27,140
You brute!

703
00:37:27,270 --> 00:37:28,890
BOND:
I'm sorry, Chandler,

704
00:37:29,020 --> 00:37:31,690
but you tried to cheapen me
in front of all these people

705
00:37:31,810 --> 00:37:34,400
by suggesting that I'd sell
my body to you for money!

706
00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:35,980
And that's an outright lie!

707
00:37:36,110 --> 00:37:39,820
When I give my body,
it's like a gift from God --

708
00:37:39,940 --> 00:37:41,990
without any monteary reward.

709
00:37:42,110 --> 00:37:43,110
''Monetary.''

710
00:37:43,240 --> 00:37:44,450
BOND:
That's what I said.

711
00:37:44,570 --> 00:37:45,910
It's like a gift from God

712
00:37:46,030 --> 00:37:48,120
without any kind
of monetary reward.

713
00:37:48,240 --> 00:37:49,620
WILLENE: Amen.

714
00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:52,710
Well, tell me, O divined one,

715
00:37:52,830 --> 00:37:56,750
can I light a candle
at your altar sometime

716
00:37:56,880 --> 00:38:00,210
and pray that you will bestow
your blessings on me some night?

717
00:38:00,340 --> 00:38:01,670
Who are you kidding?

718
00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:06,220
Everyone is welcome
at Prairie Blossom.

719
00:38:06,350 --> 00:38:10,270
Come, take off your wet clothes

720
00:38:10,390 --> 00:38:14,310
and get into something
dry and warm.

721
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:20,820
You are welcome to don
the apparel hanging before you.

722
00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:32,580
To your right,
you'll find the clothing

723
00:38:32,710 --> 00:38:35,670
that adorned me in my youth.

724
00:38:35,790 --> 00:38:42,010
To your left, there hang the
garments of my deceased husband.

725
00:38:42,130 --> 00:38:49,260
They hang there in the exact
condition in which he left them.

726
00:38:49,390 --> 00:38:55,440
For your convenience
and privacy while changing,

727
00:38:55,560 --> 00:39:03,440
may I suggest that you use the
far bedroom down that hallway?

728
00:39:03,570 --> 00:39:06,860
And now that you have
your instructions,

729
00:39:06,990 --> 00:39:11,120
may I wish you all
a hearty welcome

730
00:39:11,240 --> 00:39:14,000
for the duration of your stay.

731
00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:16,250
Look, lady.
You're very nice and all that.

732
00:39:16,370 --> 00:39:18,670
But, hell, I don't want to stick
around here.

733
00:39:18,790 --> 00:39:20,380
I don't think
we have much choice.

734
00:39:20,500 --> 00:39:22,800
You notice the level of
the river when we crossed it?

735
00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:25,170
How could we remember
with the accident and all?

736
00:39:25,300 --> 00:39:28,050
Believe me. We were lucky to
make it with the water so high.

737
00:39:28,180 --> 00:39:29,760
Yeah, that's right.

738
00:39:29,890 --> 00:39:32,310
Why, it was all foggy when
I looked out the car window

739
00:39:32,430 --> 00:39:33,970
and seen that swirling water.

740
00:39:34,100 --> 00:39:35,930
I sobered up really quick.

741
00:39:36,060 --> 00:39:37,730
That bridge is gone by now.

742
00:39:37,850 --> 00:39:40,900
GERT: And likewise, the bridge
that crosses the Chickasaw.

743
00:39:41,020 --> 00:39:41,730
Uh-huh.

744
00:39:41,860 --> 00:39:43,320
No, my friends.

745
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:46,820
You must not, you cannot go
into that purgatory

746
00:39:46,950 --> 00:39:49,070
out those front doors.

747
00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:53,540
Please avail yourself
of my hospitality

748
00:39:53,660 --> 00:39:57,410
until the good Lord sees fit
to turn off his faucet.

749
00:39:57,540 --> 00:39:59,290
[ Thunder crashes ]

750
00:39:59,420 --> 00:40:01,460
I will leave you for a while

751
00:40:01,590 --> 00:40:05,550
to prepare some goodies
from the kitchen.

752
00:40:05,670 --> 00:40:13,670
Remember, please, to use that
far bedroom down the hallway.

753
00:40:14,140 --> 00:40:19,100
And please be patient
with one another.

754
00:40:19,230 --> 00:40:23,940
The night is always long
on the prairie.

755
00:40:24,940 --> 00:40:26,820
Thank you, Mrs. Hammond.

756
00:40:26,940 --> 00:40:28,530
On behalf of us all,

757
00:40:28,650 --> 00:40:32,490
may I wish you God's blessings
in your charitable work.

758
00:40:32,620 --> 00:40:37,000
She is a wonderful woman
of vigorous pioneer stock.

759
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:39,710
She's got some pair of boobs.
I'll say that much!

760
00:40:39,830 --> 00:40:41,880
I think you've said
just about enough.

761
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:44,130
I bet her butt's seen
a lot of plowing.

762
00:40:44,250 --> 00:40:46,210
Never mind about her,

763
00:40:46,340 --> 00:40:49,550
you and I've got some unfinished
business to take care of later.

764
00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:50,970
Don't hold your breath.

765
00:40:51,090 --> 00:40:53,090
I'd hate to see that nice face
turn blue.

766
00:40:53,220 --> 00:40:53,930
[ Chuckles ]

767
00:40:54,060 --> 00:40:55,470
You're gonna get it.

768
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:57,520
One of these days,
you're gonna get it so big,

769
00:40:57,640 --> 00:41:00,020
it's gonna turn you
black and blue for a week.

770
00:41:00,140 --> 00:41:01,730
[ Chuckles ]
I give it, Mack.

771
00:41:01,850 --> 00:41:02,810
I don't take it.

772
00:41:44,650 --> 00:41:48,020
[ Door opens, closes ]

773
00:41:54,870 --> 00:41:57,450
[ Clears throat ]

774
00:42:01,540 --> 00:42:04,290
[ Whimsical music plays ]

775
00:43:17,910 --> 00:43:20,700
GERT:
[ Moaning softly ]

776
00:43:25,620 --> 00:43:26,790
Oh, boy.

777
00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:28,290
[ Laughs ]

778
00:43:34,470 --> 00:43:38,380
Ah. [ Laughs ]

779
00:43:38,510 --> 00:43:40,260
Ohh.

780
00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:45,270
Oh.

781
00:43:50,650 --> 00:43:54,900
Oh, darn you.

782
00:44:20,140 --> 00:44:28,140
[ Machine whirring ]

783
00:46:48,620 --> 00:46:50,700
Darn you.

784
00:47:03,970 --> 00:47:05,970
-[ Knock on door ]
-ROO: Come on! Hurry up!

785
00:47:06,090 --> 00:47:08,220
What are you doing,
playing with yourself?!

786
00:47:08,350 --> 00:47:09,180
[ Whirring stops ]

787
00:47:23,690 --> 00:47:25,900
I think the person
that decorated this room

788
00:47:26,030 --> 00:47:28,070
had you in mind.

789
00:47:36,460 --> 00:47:38,830
Hmm.

790
00:47:43,050 --> 00:47:45,550
Ugh.

791
00:47:49,550 --> 00:47:52,720
[ Breathing shallowly ]

792
00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:03,320
Ooh.

793
00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:18,540
[ Thunder crashing ]

794
00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:41,150
[ Device vibrating ]

795
00:48:41,270 --> 00:48:44,360
[ Whimsical music plays ]

796
00:49:47,380 --> 00:49:50,380
[ Moaning passionately ]

797
00:50:15,740 --> 00:50:18,330
I hear that noise in there, Roo.

798
00:50:18,450 --> 00:50:21,160
Don't be shaving your legs
with an electric razor

799
00:50:21,290 --> 00:50:23,960
when I'm freezing out here
in these wet clothes.

800
00:50:24,080 --> 00:50:26,080
[ Vibration stops,
thunder rumbling ]

801
00:50:27,540 --> 00:50:29,920
[ Thunder crashes ]

802
00:50:43,770 --> 00:50:47,060
Here, zip me up, will you?

803
00:50:59,580 --> 00:51:02,580
Have fun, baby.

804
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:23,980
[ Thunder rumbles ]

805
00:51:26,350 --> 00:51:34,350
[ Whimsical music plays ]

806
00:52:41,300 --> 00:52:42,510
Oh.

807
00:52:54,150 --> 00:52:56,860
[ Moaning softly ]

808
00:52:59,700 --> 00:53:04,620
[ Door opens, closes ]

809
00:53:13,420 --> 00:53:16,300
[ Jazz music plays ]

810
00:53:36,020 --> 00:53:37,730
Turn around.

811
00:53:37,860 --> 00:53:40,740
Ohh, come on.

812
00:53:40,860 --> 00:53:42,910
Turn around.

813
00:53:48,080 --> 00:53:50,500
Ohh.

814
00:53:50,620 --> 00:53:53,330
Oh, my God.

815
00:53:53,460 --> 00:53:55,880
Oh, that's a big one.

816
00:54:52,270 --> 00:55:00,270
Oh, boy.

817
00:56:37,290 --> 00:56:38,750
Ohh.

818
00:56:42,460 --> 00:56:46,920
[ Door opens, closes ]

819
00:56:51,140 --> 00:56:53,220
[ Door opens ]

820
00:56:56,270 --> 00:56:59,890
I heard this was the melon
season, and now I believe it.

821
00:57:00,020 --> 00:57:03,440
Melons have seeds and I don't.

822
00:57:03,570 --> 00:57:04,690
Not even after that encounter

823
00:57:04,820 --> 00:57:06,280
with Johnny Appleseed
over there?

824
00:57:06,400 --> 00:57:09,530
Gyrate, buster.

825
00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:15,280
[ Door slams, thunder rumbles ]

826
00:57:16,910 --> 00:57:19,620
Wow!
Would you get a load of this?

827
00:57:19,750 --> 00:57:23,170
Who would have thought that old
bugger was into graphic art?

828
00:57:23,290 --> 00:57:26,210
Yeah, get a load of this stuff.

829
00:57:26,340 --> 00:57:28,340
It's really graphic.

830
00:57:28,470 --> 00:57:31,720
[ Moaning softly ]

831
00:57:48,230 --> 00:57:50,610
Check this dude out.

832
00:58:20,640 --> 00:58:23,560
[ Whimsical music plays ]

833
00:58:39,540 --> 00:58:42,500
GERT:
[ Moaning continues ]

834
00:59:09,270 --> 00:59:12,320
TOYDY:
Get in there, god damn it!

835
00:59:31,050 --> 00:59:33,170
[ Moaning passionately ]

836
01:00:08,710 --> 01:00:10,580
[ Gasps ]

837
01:00:10,710 --> 01:00:12,290
Oh! Oh!

838
01:00:12,420 --> 01:00:14,590
So, that's your game,
you batty bozo!

839
01:00:15,590 --> 01:00:17,630
You should be ashamed
of yourself,

840
01:00:17,760 --> 01:00:20,590
telling everybody you're
in the kitchen making goodies.

841
01:00:20,720 --> 01:00:23,430
And you ain't doing
nothing of the kind.

842
01:00:23,560 --> 01:00:26,020
In fact, you've got the gall

843
01:00:26,140 --> 01:00:28,770
to hide behind someone
who never lied in his life!

844
01:00:33,860 --> 01:00:34,980
[ Knock on door ]

845
01:00:35,110 --> 01:00:37,400
WILLENE:
Toydy, it's Mrs. Cassidy.

846
01:00:37,530 --> 01:00:38,860
Are you finished yet?

847
01:00:38,990 --> 01:00:40,780
TOYDY: Yeah, sure.
Come on in.

848
01:00:41,780 --> 01:00:44,540
Don't you ever do that to me
again!

849
01:00:44,660 --> 01:00:45,580
[ Sighs ]

850
01:00:49,710 --> 01:00:52,960
I ain't done nothing to you yet,
lady.

851
01:00:53,090 --> 01:00:54,210
WILLENE:
[ Screams ]

852
01:00:54,340 --> 01:00:56,130
You have no sense
of common decency!

853
01:00:56,260 --> 01:00:58,630
Here's a toothpick for you!

854
01:00:58,760 --> 01:01:01,930
And if it's decency you want,
don't come in this room.

855
01:01:03,430 --> 01:01:05,430
WILLENE:
That filthy man.

856
01:01:05,560 --> 01:01:08,140
I'm afraid you've opened
your doors as well as your heart

857
01:01:08,270 --> 01:01:09,480
to the scum of this planet.

858
01:01:09,600 --> 01:01:13,360
Here on spaceship Earth,
there is no scum.

859
01:01:13,480 --> 01:01:16,780
There are just
malfunctioning circuits.

860
01:01:16,900 --> 01:01:19,240
Well, someone's sure
malfunctioning in your bedroom.

861
01:01:19,360 --> 01:01:20,950
That isn't my bedroom.

862
01:01:21,070 --> 01:01:24,620
WILLENE: Well, whose is it,
then, your husband's?

863
01:01:24,740 --> 01:01:28,250
It was our son's bedroom.

864
01:01:28,370 --> 01:01:29,790
WILLENE:
Was?

865
01:01:29,910 --> 01:01:32,290
You mean he's gone, moved away?

866
01:01:32,420 --> 01:01:33,960
No.

867
01:01:34,090 --> 01:01:36,840
WILLENE:
Well, where is he, then?

868
01:01:36,960 --> 01:01:40,800
My son -- Our son

869
01:01:40,930 --> 01:01:42,550
no longer exists.

870
01:01:42,680 --> 01:01:45,350
WILLENE:
Oh, Mrs. Hammond.

871
01:01:45,470 --> 01:01:46,640
I'm really sorry.

872
01:01:46,760 --> 01:01:50,350
I didn't realize that tragedy
had struck you twice.

873
01:01:50,480 --> 01:01:51,690
Is he dead, then?

874
01:01:51,810 --> 01:01:53,350
No.

875
01:01:53,480 --> 01:01:56,400
He does not exist.

876
01:01:56,520 --> 01:01:59,280
WILLENE: Well, I'm afraid I
don't understand what you mean,

877
01:01:59,400 --> 01:02:02,320
but I certainly
wouldn't be callous enough

878
01:02:02,450 --> 01:02:04,070
to dwell on the subject.

879
01:02:04,200 --> 01:02:06,580
May I have something to eat?

880
01:02:06,700 --> 01:02:08,540
By all means.

881
01:02:08,660 --> 01:02:10,700
Help yourself.

882
01:02:10,830 --> 01:02:13,620
This looks refreshing.

883
01:02:15,130 --> 01:02:17,540
Oh, it's a cucumber.

884
01:02:17,670 --> 01:02:20,590
Are you in the habit of peeling
your cucumbers in advance?

885
01:02:20,720 --> 01:02:24,760
Yes, it ages the flavor.

886
01:02:24,890 --> 01:02:26,260
It certainly does.

887
01:02:26,390 --> 01:02:28,180
Boy, does this taste odd.

888
01:02:28,310 --> 01:02:30,390
Eat up.

889
01:02:30,520 --> 01:02:34,270
You'll soon acquire a taste
for it.

890
01:02:34,400 --> 01:02:36,810
I'd like for you to.

891
01:02:36,940 --> 01:02:40,940
It would make for a much closer
friendship between us.

892
01:02:41,070 --> 01:02:42,990
I'm afraid I can't finish it.

893
01:02:43,110 --> 01:02:44,950
Would you like to share it?

894
01:02:45,070 --> 01:02:47,910
No, I've already had it.
Thank you.

895
01:02:48,030 --> 01:02:51,200
WILLENE:
Do you mind if I throw it away?

896
01:02:51,330 --> 01:02:53,210
GERT:
Not at all, my dear.

897
01:02:53,330 --> 01:02:56,080
Most things of that nature
are disposable.

898
01:02:56,210 --> 01:02:59,800
Just throw it in that bag
under the sink.

899
01:02:59,920 --> 01:03:01,420
Why, Mrs. Hammond.

900
01:03:01,550 --> 01:03:05,010
You've got a whole pile of them
in here.

901
01:03:05,890 --> 01:03:08,550
Call me Gert, Willene.

902
01:03:08,680 --> 01:03:13,520
I feel that you've gotten to
know me more intimately.

903
01:03:13,640 --> 01:03:15,020
Yes.

904
01:03:15,140 --> 01:03:18,770
Those cucumbers
did not age properly enough

905
01:03:18,900 --> 01:03:21,440
to suit my hungry lips.

906
01:03:21,570 --> 01:03:23,820
So I had to get rid of them.

907
01:03:23,950 --> 01:03:24,860
Oh.

908
01:03:24,990 --> 01:03:27,740
The smell is really terrible.

909
01:03:27,870 --> 01:03:29,490
I'll take out the trash

910
01:03:29,620 --> 01:03:32,450
if you pick up
that thing in the hallway.

911
01:03:32,580 --> 01:03:34,450
What thing in the hallway?

912
01:03:34,580 --> 01:03:37,250
Well,
it looks like a banana slug,

913
01:03:37,380 --> 01:03:39,330
but don't let that fool ya.

914
01:03:39,460 --> 01:03:41,130
Banana slugs wiggle,

915
01:03:41,250 --> 01:03:44,460
and the only thing wiggling at
the end of that thing was Toydy.

916
01:03:44,590 --> 01:03:47,630
He's quite a man, isn't he?

917
01:03:47,760 --> 01:03:49,800
WILLENE:
Well, part of him is a man.

918
01:03:49,930 --> 01:03:52,140
The other part,
I'm not too sure about.

919
01:03:52,270 --> 01:03:57,520
The coin of sexuality
always has two faces.

920
01:03:57,650 --> 01:04:00,770
That's what my son
always used to say.

921
01:04:00,900 --> 01:04:04,190
Are those your son's toys
in the bedroom?

922
01:04:04,320 --> 01:04:09,410
My son was rather grown up
for a boy of 16.

923
01:04:09,530 --> 01:04:13,990
That's when he started to order
those divertissements

924
01:04:14,120 --> 01:04:16,620
through the mail.

925
01:04:16,750 --> 01:04:21,500
They always came
in a plain brown wrapper.

926
01:04:21,630 --> 01:04:23,420
And every morning,

927
01:04:23,550 --> 01:04:28,130
I'd bring them in along
with his breakfast tray.

928
01:04:28,260 --> 01:04:31,220
He was strictly forbidden
to open them

929
01:04:31,350 --> 01:04:35,680
until he had eaten
all of his breakfast.

930
01:04:35,810 --> 01:04:36,560
[ Chuckles ]

931
01:04:36,680 --> 01:04:38,890
There was usually prune juice.

932
01:04:39,020 --> 01:04:40,600
Why prune juice?

933
01:04:40,730 --> 01:04:46,280
Gerald always wanted his system
cleaned out regularly.

934
01:04:46,400 --> 01:04:49,450
Well, I can see why,
after that thing in the hallway.

935
01:04:49,570 --> 01:04:52,490
Who'd want to keep washing
their toys all the time?

936
01:04:52,620 --> 01:04:54,370
And after the prune juice,

937
01:04:54,490 --> 01:05:01,040
there'd be two eggs sunny side
up and four sausage links.

938
01:05:01,170 --> 01:05:03,090
And after the sausage,

939
01:05:03,210 --> 01:05:06,960
there'd be three pieces
of buttered toast,

940
01:05:07,090 --> 01:05:11,220
along with a steaming hot
cup of coffee.

941
01:05:11,340 --> 01:05:15,100
I bet he'd take plenty of cream
in his coffee.

942
01:05:15,220 --> 01:05:16,810
My son loved cream.

943
01:05:16,930 --> 01:05:19,310
He licked it up like a cat.

944
01:05:19,440 --> 01:05:21,690
But a cat has nine lives,

945
01:05:21,810 --> 01:05:25,770
and your son unfortunately had
only one.

946
01:05:25,900 --> 01:05:28,400
So, now he joins your husband
in death.

947
01:05:28,530 --> 01:05:31,360
My husband is dead.

948
01:05:31,490 --> 01:05:35,490
My son is no more.

949
01:05:35,620 --> 01:05:40,660
He no longer exists.

950
01:05:41,170 --> 01:05:43,500
Come, Willene.

951
01:05:43,630 --> 01:05:45,960
Shall we prepare a little dinner
for our guests?

952
01:05:47,130 --> 01:05:48,960
Damn it, I need a drink!

953
01:05:49,090 --> 01:05:51,760
GERT:
The wine is in the cellar!

954
01:05:51,880 --> 01:05:53,260
Please help yourselves

955
01:05:53,390 --> 01:05:56,140
to whatever vintage
the occasion calls for.

956
01:05:56,260 --> 01:05:58,890
SASH: Go ahead, Roo.
Go get us some wine.

957
01:05:59,020 --> 01:06:02,440
I ain't going down there
with no dead man lying around.

958
01:06:02,560 --> 01:06:05,310
I'll go get the wine
if Bond comes with me.

959
01:06:05,440 --> 01:06:08,820
I don't like cellars, Chandler.
They smell funny.

960
01:06:08,940 --> 01:06:11,780
Do they smell fishy?
Is that what it is?

961
01:06:11,900 --> 01:06:13,990
Well, hell, kid, with Chandler,

962
01:06:14,120 --> 01:06:18,030
it's not gonna smell fishy,
just strong and musky.

963
01:06:18,160 --> 01:06:21,750
Mrs. Hammond, is there a light
down in the basement?

964
01:06:21,870 --> 01:06:25,960
GERT: No, but there's a large
flashlight over by the window.

965
01:06:26,090 --> 01:06:27,540
Well, that's real good.

966
01:06:27,670 --> 01:06:30,210
In case you can't get it up,
Chandler,

967
01:06:30,340 --> 01:06:32,760
you got something
to fall back on.

968
01:06:37,350 --> 01:06:39,180
What's going on?

969
01:06:39,310 --> 01:06:40,060
Stop it!

970
01:06:40,180 --> 01:06:41,520
Stop it, you two!

971
01:06:41,640 --> 01:06:43,100
[ Indistinct shouting ]

972
01:06:43,230 --> 01:06:45,270
You're nothing
but a troublemaker.

973
01:06:45,400 --> 01:06:47,860
I don't make trouble.
I just make whoopee.

974
01:06:47,980 --> 01:06:49,150
You make me sick!

975
01:06:49,280 --> 01:06:51,490
You make me sick!
That's what you make me!

976
01:06:51,610 --> 01:06:53,240
When I put the make on you,
Chandler,

977
01:06:53,360 --> 01:06:55,160
you may choke and gag a little,

978
01:06:55,280 --> 01:06:56,740
but you're not gonna feel sick.

979
01:06:56,870 --> 01:06:58,580
Who do you think
you're talking to,

980
01:06:58,700 --> 01:07:00,790
one of those life-size dolls
in the bedroom?

981
01:07:00,910 --> 01:07:04,160
No. Their mouths are operated
on air power.

982
01:07:04,290 --> 01:07:05,620
His operates on lust.

983
01:07:05,750 --> 01:07:07,210
[ Spits ]

984
01:07:07,340 --> 01:07:09,210
That's what you can expect
from my mouth, Toydy.

985
01:07:09,340 --> 01:07:11,510
Save that spit
for Bond's flashlight.

986
01:07:11,630 --> 01:07:14,670
By the look of the bulge in
his pants, you're gonna need it.

987
01:07:14,800 --> 01:07:15,680
GERT:
My God!

988
01:07:15,800 --> 01:07:17,390
Back there in the kitchen,

989
01:07:17,510 --> 01:07:19,100
it sounded like a tornado

990
01:07:19,220 --> 01:07:21,640
had decided to join
our little party.

991
01:07:21,770 --> 01:07:24,850
CHANDLER:
Sorry about the lamp.

992
01:07:24,980 --> 01:07:27,230
Look, I'll give you 6 bucks
for it.

993
01:07:27,360 --> 01:07:28,560
Will that be enough?

994
01:07:28,690 --> 01:07:30,820
I don't want your money.

995
01:07:30,940 --> 01:07:36,400
You people have lit up my life
more brightly

996
01:07:36,530 --> 01:07:39,910
than that lamp
could ever have done.

997
01:07:40,030 --> 01:07:43,620
And if you'll just wait
15 minutes,

998
01:07:43,750 --> 01:07:46,670
Willene and I will prepare you

999
01:07:46,790 --> 01:07:50,750
a tangible example
of my gratefulness.

1000
01:07:50,880 --> 01:07:52,250
Come, Willene.

1001
01:07:52,380 --> 01:07:56,130
The pots and pans are waiting.

1002
01:07:56,260 --> 01:07:57,800
ROO: I hope
she wasn't referring to us.

1003
01:07:57,930 --> 01:07:59,300
[ Thunder crashes, rumbles ]

1004
01:07:59,430 --> 01:08:01,890
[ Footsteps approaching ]

1005
01:08:06,480 --> 01:08:08,560
CHANDLER:
Here.

1006
01:08:08,690 --> 01:08:10,810
[ Clatter ]

1007
01:08:10,940 --> 01:08:12,400
Give me that flashlight.

1008
01:08:12,530 --> 01:08:13,610
You've got your hands full.

1009
01:08:13,730 --> 01:08:15,860
SASH:
Full of the wrong stuff.

1010
01:08:15,990 --> 01:08:17,200
What do you mean?

1011
01:08:17,320 --> 01:08:21,830
I'd rather have them wrapped
around you.

1012
01:08:21,950 --> 01:08:23,490
What brought that on?

1013
01:08:23,620 --> 01:08:27,540
The way you handled yourself
in that room back there.

1014
01:08:27,670 --> 01:08:30,670
How do you know what I was doing
in the bedroom?

1015
01:08:30,790 --> 01:08:33,130
I don't mean the bedroom.

1016
01:08:33,250 --> 01:08:35,880
I mean the way you acted
in the living room.

1017
01:08:36,010 --> 01:08:38,050
Oh, that.

1018
01:08:38,180 --> 01:08:40,550
Well, he had it coming.

1019
01:08:40,680 --> 01:08:43,390
I don't mean
just the rough stuff.

1020
01:08:43,510 --> 01:08:46,770
I mean the thoughtfulness
and the tenderness

1021
01:08:46,890 --> 01:08:49,690
that you exhibited
to Mrs. Hammond.

1022
01:08:49,810 --> 01:08:50,900
[ Sighs ]

1023
01:08:51,020 --> 01:08:53,190
What, you mean the $6?

1024
01:08:53,320 --> 01:08:55,400
Well, I was willing
to give it to her,

1025
01:08:55,530 --> 01:08:57,030
but she just wouldn't take it.

1026
01:08:57,150 --> 01:09:01,240
You won't find
that problem with me.

1027
01:09:01,370 --> 01:09:03,530
Huh.

1028
01:09:03,660 --> 01:09:06,490
What do you want, $6?

1029
01:09:06,620 --> 01:09:09,830
$6, plus interest.

1030
01:09:10,630 --> 01:09:14,210
And what's the interest?

1031
01:09:14,340 --> 01:09:20,720
To put it bluntly,
my interest in your body.

1032
01:09:20,840 --> 01:09:22,970
Not my thoughtfulness
and tenderness,

1033
01:09:23,100 --> 01:09:25,140
just my body?

1034
01:09:25,260 --> 01:09:29,230
I'm playing by the rules
of your own game, Chandler.

1035
01:09:29,350 --> 01:09:30,770
I want you to get excited
about me

1036
01:09:30,900 --> 01:09:33,520
the same way that you would
towards your friend Bond.

1037
01:09:33,650 --> 01:09:36,070
He's not my friend.

1038
01:09:36,190 --> 01:09:39,690
I picked him up when it was dark
and he was alone.

1039
01:09:41,410 --> 01:09:43,950
Like we are here?

1040
01:09:44,080 --> 01:09:45,580
We're not alone here.

1041
01:09:45,700 --> 01:09:49,080
You're forgetting
about Mrs. Hammond's husband.

1042
01:09:49,210 --> 01:09:50,460
He doesn't count.

1043
01:09:50,580 --> 01:09:52,920
He's lifeless and limp.

1044
01:09:53,040 --> 01:09:54,880
CHANDLER: Well, I'm afraid
there's something else

1045
01:09:55,000 --> 01:09:56,460
that you'll find
in the same condition.

1046
01:09:56,590 --> 01:10:00,510
So, don't be getting
your hopes up too high.

1047
01:10:00,630 --> 01:10:03,300
I don't want to get
my hopes up high.

1048
01:10:03,430 --> 01:10:07,010
It's your 'something else'
I'm trying to raise.

1049
01:10:07,140 --> 01:10:11,100
Well, knowing the way that I am,
good luck.

1050
01:10:11,230 --> 01:10:12,850
SASH:
Luck is supposed to be a lady,

1051
01:10:12,980 --> 01:10:15,440
so that cuts the odds down
just a bit.

1052
01:10:15,560 --> 01:10:20,320
Just a very little bit,
I'm afraid.

1053
01:10:21,650 --> 01:10:23,240
[ Sighs ]

1054
01:10:23,360 --> 01:10:26,120
I forgot to ask whether
she was serving meat or fish.

1055
01:10:26,240 --> 01:10:28,240
This would be great with meat.

1056
01:10:28,370 --> 01:10:33,040
Well, save it for down here
because I want meat.

1057
01:10:35,380 --> 01:10:37,710
What are you wearing?

1058
01:10:37,840 --> 01:10:39,090
Aren't those Bond's clothes?

1059
01:10:39,210 --> 01:10:41,840
Yes, they are.

1060
01:10:41,970 --> 01:10:44,340
What's that thing pressed
into your pants?

1061
01:10:44,470 --> 01:10:48,600
Something I picked up
in the bedroom.

1062
01:10:48,720 --> 01:10:53,060
Look at me, Chandler,
just for tonight.

1063
01:10:53,190 --> 01:10:55,940
In dim lighting, I'm Bond.

1064
01:10:56,060 --> 01:10:59,980
And this cellar
is the bus depot.

1065
01:11:00,110 --> 01:11:04,030
Come on.
You can have me for $6.

1066
01:11:07,070 --> 01:11:08,660
You were right.

1067
01:11:08,780 --> 01:11:10,580
SASH:
About what?

1068
01:11:10,700 --> 01:11:12,290
Luck is a lady.

1069
01:11:12,410 --> 01:11:16,460
Not tonight, she isn't.

1070
01:11:19,210 --> 01:11:21,710
Where do you want me, Mack?

1071
01:11:21,840 --> 01:11:27,180
Just get down on the table
and pull your trousers down.

1072
01:11:30,350 --> 01:11:31,850
Make that louder!

1073
01:11:31,970 --> 01:11:35,640
That's my husband's new song
on the radio.

1074
01:11:35,770 --> 01:11:37,730
SIMON: ♪ I can tell you,
'cause I heard it today ♪

1075
01:11:37,860 --> 01:11:39,230
WILLENE:
He just cut that record.

1076
01:11:39,360 --> 01:11:41,570
Well, good for him.

1077
01:11:41,690 --> 01:11:46,320
I'm more interested in somebody
who can cut the mustard.

1078
01:11:46,450 --> 01:11:50,240
You looking for a frankfurter
to go along with that mustard?

1079
01:11:50,370 --> 01:11:51,740
ROO:
[ Chuckles ]

1080
01:11:51,870 --> 01:11:54,910
Sure am, but I've come equipped
with my own

1081
01:11:55,040 --> 01:11:56,870
if it turns out
you aren't kosher.

1082
01:11:57,000 --> 01:11:58,670
BOND:
My frankfurter don't care

1083
01:11:58,790 --> 01:12:00,920
whether your buns
are large or small.

1084
01:12:01,050 --> 01:12:04,090
It ain't fussy.

1085
01:12:04,220 --> 01:12:05,010
SIMON:
♪ Honest to God ♪

1086
01:12:05,130 --> 01:12:08,260
♪ That's the lyrics
to ''A Lovebird's Song'' ♪

1087
01:12:08,390 --> 01:12:09,930
Hey, what's your name?

1088
01:12:10,050 --> 01:12:12,930
It's Willene.
Mrs. Willene Cassidy.

1089
01:12:13,060 --> 01:12:16,310
And that's my husband Simon's
record on the radio.

1090
01:12:16,440 --> 01:12:19,150
You got any idea what's inside
this locked door?

1091
01:12:19,270 --> 01:12:21,900
WILLENE:
I know it's gonna be a hit.

1092
01:12:22,020 --> 01:12:23,230
I just know it.

1093
01:12:51,430 --> 01:12:54,810
[ Jazz music plays ]

1094
01:13:13,990 --> 01:13:16,620
How many hours you been waiting
at this depot?

1095
01:13:16,750 --> 01:13:18,580
Three.

1096
01:13:18,710 --> 01:13:20,830
What bus am I taking?

1097
01:13:20,960 --> 01:13:24,090
10:25 to Houston.

1098
01:13:41,440 --> 01:13:43,770
Is it the Silver Eagle Service?

1099
01:13:43,900 --> 01:13:47,070
Yeah. You even get a hostess
on board.

1100
01:13:47,190 --> 01:13:49,440
With a big lavatory
and a mirror?

1101
01:13:49,570 --> 01:13:52,950
A real big mirror.

1102
01:13:56,990 --> 01:13:58,410
CHANDLER:
You know what time it is now?

1103
01:13:58,540 --> 01:14:00,250
No! No!

1104
01:14:00,370 --> 01:14:02,670
It's 10:25!

1105
01:14:02,790 --> 01:14:04,330
It's coming in fast.

1106
01:14:04,460 --> 01:14:05,420
SASH:
No!

1107
01:14:05,540 --> 01:14:07,000
CHANDLER:
Here it comes!

1108
01:14:07,130 --> 01:14:09,260
Oh, God! No!

1109
01:14:09,380 --> 01:14:11,010
So soon!

1110
01:14:11,130 --> 01:14:14,840
My watch says it's 10:24.

1111
01:14:18,020 --> 01:14:20,890
It's ahead of schedule,
and it's coming in fast.

1112
01:14:21,020 --> 01:14:22,520
Here it comes!

1113
01:14:41,620 --> 01:14:44,120
[ Sighs ]

1114
01:14:58,010 --> 01:15:00,770
[ Whimsical music plays ]

1115
01:15:08,570 --> 01:15:11,320
Has anybody ever told you

1116
01:15:11,440 --> 01:15:16,280
you have a nice body
for a woman so mature?

1117
01:15:16,410 --> 01:15:19,030
Why, yes, young man.

1118
01:15:19,160 --> 01:15:23,450
My husband, Charlie, used to
compliment me on my torso.

1119
01:15:23,580 --> 01:15:28,710
He said it reminded him
of a classical Greek sculpture.

1120
01:15:28,840 --> 01:15:33,800
You do remind me of something
Greek, but it ain't sculpture.

1121
01:15:33,920 --> 01:15:35,170
Sculpture's too cold.

1122
01:15:35,300 --> 01:15:39,890
You remind me more
of a nice juicy piece

1123
01:15:40,010 --> 01:15:41,890
of shish kebab meat.

1124
01:15:42,020 --> 01:15:44,730
Flattery will get you nowhere.

1125
01:15:44,850 --> 01:15:46,850
Would you like me to turn you

1126
01:15:46,980 --> 01:15:49,440
into a piece
of shish kebab meat?

1127
01:15:49,570 --> 01:15:52,610
And how are you
going to do that?

1128
01:15:52,740 --> 01:15:55,320
It's real simple.

1129
01:15:55,450 --> 01:15:58,280
There's the oven,
and here is the meat.

1130
01:15:58,410 --> 01:16:04,160
Now all we need is a long,
hard rod to run you through.

1131
01:16:04,290 --> 01:16:06,540
What about the vegetables?

1132
01:16:06,670 --> 01:16:09,040
Oh.

1133
01:16:09,170 --> 01:16:10,420
Your head.

1134
01:16:10,540 --> 01:16:13,050
Your head's a cabbage.

1135
01:16:14,720 --> 01:16:17,130
What about the potatoes?

1136
01:16:17,260 --> 01:16:18,930
Don't forget the potatoes.

1137
01:16:19,050 --> 01:16:24,430
Ahh, here they are.
Two lumpy 10-pound bags.

1138
01:16:24,560 --> 01:16:26,810
You're very cruel.

1139
01:16:26,940 --> 01:16:29,520
I should pull away.

1140
01:16:29,650 --> 01:16:30,650
But I can't.

1141
01:16:30,770 --> 01:16:32,230
TOYDY:
Why not?

1142
01:16:32,360 --> 01:16:34,650
[ Chuckles ]

1143
01:16:34,780 --> 01:16:38,400
Because I would fall
into the oven

1144
01:16:38,530 --> 01:16:42,160
like the witch
in ''Hansel and Gretel.''

1145
01:16:42,280 --> 01:16:46,160
That would leave you alone
in this gingerbread house

1146
01:16:46,290 --> 01:16:50,000
to eat all the cookies
and peppermint sticks.

1147
01:16:50,130 --> 01:16:53,090
And what's wrong with that?

1148
01:16:53,210 --> 01:16:55,420
You would get sick.

1149
01:16:55,550 --> 01:16:59,720
And no one would be around
to give you an enema.

1150
01:16:59,840 --> 01:17:01,470
You like giving enemas?

1151
01:17:01,600 --> 01:17:05,640
GERT:
My son Gerald liked them.

1152
01:17:05,770 --> 01:17:09,310
TOYDY: I bet it was a nice,
fire-engine-red enema bag.

1153
01:17:09,440 --> 01:17:12,020
GERT:
I didn't use an enema bag.

1154
01:17:12,150 --> 01:17:14,610
My son Gerald always requested

1155
01:17:14,730 --> 01:17:18,240
that I hook up a heavy garden
hose to the kitchen faucet.

1156
01:17:18,360 --> 01:17:20,610
He was used to bigger things,
wasn't he?

1157
01:17:20,740 --> 01:17:23,910
My son was big for his age.

1158
01:17:24,030 --> 01:17:28,620
He was to be doomed
with bigness.

1159
01:17:28,750 --> 01:17:32,250
Are you ready for the rod,
Miss Shish Kebab?

1160
01:17:32,380 --> 01:17:33,790
Oh, yes.

1161
01:17:33,920 --> 01:17:36,050
Hurry, please.

1162
01:17:36,170 --> 01:17:38,420
It's getting so hot
by this oven.

1163
01:17:38,550 --> 01:17:42,470
TOYDY: Hand me that tin of
grease on the stove over there.

1164
01:17:46,060 --> 01:17:47,270
What is it?

1165
01:17:47,390 --> 01:17:49,140
It's bacon fat.

1166
01:17:49,270 --> 01:17:50,770
[ Chuckles ]

1167
01:17:50,890 --> 01:17:53,060
I bet when you fart,
it's gonna sound like a pig.

1168
01:17:53,190 --> 01:17:54,940
Oink! Oink!

1169
01:17:55,070 --> 01:17:58,110
Have you no respect for me?

1170
01:17:58,240 --> 01:18:02,030
No. None at all.

1171
01:18:02,160 --> 01:18:05,490
That would ruin the whole thing.

1172
01:18:05,620 --> 01:18:09,830
What is it that you
and your generation are seeking?

1173
01:18:09,960 --> 01:18:12,460
I don't know
about my generation,

1174
01:18:12,580 --> 01:18:14,250
but I would like to know

1175
01:18:14,380 --> 01:18:19,010
what you have
behind that locked door.

1176
01:18:19,130 --> 01:18:23,050
There's too much talk
in this kitchen

1177
01:18:23,180 --> 01:18:26,100
and not enough action.

1178
01:18:26,220 --> 01:18:30,600
Start cooking me now, honey,
before I go rotten.

1179
01:18:30,730 --> 01:18:34,980
Sorry. No deal, baby.

1180
01:18:36,440 --> 01:18:40,150
Not until you give me
those keys.

1181
01:18:40,280 --> 01:18:46,120
You are a slimy,
slippery reptile!

1182
01:18:46,240 --> 01:18:48,950
Don't you be calling me
slimy and slippery

1183
01:18:49,080 --> 01:18:52,250
with all that bacon fat oozing
down your thighs.

1184
01:18:55,580 --> 01:19:01,710
You have degraded
my sacredness as a woman.

1185
01:19:01,840 --> 01:19:06,220
You defiled with ugly fat

1186
01:19:06,350 --> 01:19:10,010
the Grecian classicism
of my body!

1187
01:19:10,140 --> 01:19:13,020
Your body was nothing
but ugly fat to begin with.

1188
01:19:13,140 --> 01:19:14,980
A little extra never hurt none.

1189
01:19:21,610 --> 01:19:25,660
If thy eyes offend thee,

1190
01:19:25,780 --> 01:19:27,280
pluck them out.

1191
01:19:27,410 --> 01:19:30,740
If thy hand offends thee,

1192
01:19:30,870 --> 01:19:33,330
cut it off.

1193
01:19:33,460 --> 01:19:38,920
May God give me strength
with His terrible swift sword!

1194
01:19:39,040 --> 01:19:42,130
[ Whimsical music plays ]

1195
01:19:50,810 --> 01:19:51,930
BOND:
[ Chuckles ]

1196
01:19:52,060 --> 01:19:53,560
That's it, sweetheart.

1197
01:19:53,680 --> 01:19:55,310
Just a little longer,

1198
01:19:55,440 --> 01:19:59,310
and we'll have mustard and
ketchup and mayonnaise galore.

1199
01:20:41,190 --> 01:20:43,610
[ Coughs ]

1200
01:21:04,420 --> 01:21:07,050
BOND:
[ Moans ]

1201
01:21:19,900 --> 01:21:20,850
-Hey!
-[ Laughs ]

1202
01:21:20,980 --> 01:21:22,730
What the hell are you doing?

1203
01:21:22,860 --> 01:21:24,770
That gave you a lift, didn't it?

1204
01:21:24,900 --> 01:21:25,820
Look, lady.

1205
01:21:25,940 --> 01:21:27,570
I give it.
I don't take it.

1206
01:21:27,690 --> 01:21:30,240
Give and take is a fact of life,
like in and out, lover boy.

1207
01:21:30,360 --> 01:21:31,820
BOND:
Well, you may like it in,

1208
01:21:31,950 --> 01:21:34,030
but I want out when it comes
to this kind of hanky-panky.

1209
01:21:34,160 --> 01:21:35,330
[ Pots clattering ]

1210
01:21:35,450 --> 01:21:37,040
What the hell
is she cooking in there?

1211
01:21:37,160 --> 01:21:38,370
A pot of Mexican jumping beans?

1212
01:21:38,500 --> 01:21:40,330
BOND: I don't know.
We'd better go and see.

1213
01:21:40,460 --> 01:21:41,790
Hell, yeah.

1214
01:21:41,920 --> 01:21:43,790
I had my protein.

1215
01:21:43,920 --> 01:21:46,630
Now I want me some starch.

1216
01:21:46,760 --> 01:21:49,380
Aah! Aah!

1217
01:21:49,510 --> 01:21:51,680
Toydy,
what the hell are you up to?!

1218
01:21:51,800 --> 01:21:53,840
[ Pots clatter, all grunting ]

1219
01:21:53,970 --> 01:21:57,970
I was rubbing up the pubic hair
with bacon fat.

1220
01:21:58,100 --> 01:21:59,890
Then she went crazy!

1221
01:22:00,020 --> 01:22:01,310
Aah!

1222
01:22:01,440 --> 01:22:04,150
If I could get control
of this meat cleaver,

1223
01:22:04,270 --> 01:22:07,530
that's all you'd end up with
down there is pubic hair!

1224
01:22:07,650 --> 01:22:10,570
This is crazy!
Stop it!

1225
01:22:10,700 --> 01:22:13,200
[ Elephant trumpeting ]

1226
01:22:15,620 --> 01:22:18,120
[ All scream ]

1227
01:22:23,750 --> 01:22:26,090
Did you like that?

1228
01:22:26,210 --> 01:22:27,130
Yes.

1229
01:22:27,250 --> 01:22:30,590
Then what's that tear doing
on your cheek?

1230
01:22:30,720 --> 01:22:35,850
It's tickling me,
but I don't want to laugh

1231
01:22:35,970 --> 01:22:40,140
because it's not
a laughing matter.

1232
01:22:40,270 --> 01:22:41,270
What isn't?

1233
01:22:41,390 --> 01:22:43,730
The whole charade
in this house of illusions.

1234
01:22:43,850 --> 01:22:46,110
CHANDLER: You wanted to play
this game, Sash.

1235
01:22:46,230 --> 01:22:47,770
It wasn't my idea.

1236
01:22:47,900 --> 01:22:49,190
I know.

1237
01:22:49,320 --> 01:22:53,950
To me, it's like going into
those fun houses

1238
01:22:54,070 --> 01:22:55,660
to look at ourselves

1239
01:22:55,780 --> 01:22:58,120
through those distorted mirrors

1240
01:22:58,240 --> 01:23:04,540
and everything
is so ugly and grotesque.

1241
01:23:04,670 --> 01:23:06,710
But no one really minds

1242
01:23:06,840 --> 01:23:11,760
because it's a fun house
and you're supposed to have fun.

1243
01:23:11,880 --> 01:23:14,260
Everything's distorted in here.

1244
01:23:14,380 --> 01:23:16,050
But I don't care.

1245
01:23:16,180 --> 01:23:19,470
Just so long as I can clearly
see the road to my mission.

1246
01:23:19,600 --> 01:23:22,810
And what road is that, Chandler?

1247
01:23:22,930 --> 01:23:27,350
Highway 135 to Waco, Texas.

1248
01:23:27,480 --> 01:23:30,730
The road to that giant
girdle factory

1249
01:23:30,860 --> 01:23:34,860
with the neon lettering
branding the Texas sky.

1250
01:23:34,990 --> 01:23:37,740
Branding it
with fiery red letters

1251
01:23:37,870 --> 01:23:41,080
that spell
''House of Phillips Unlimited.''

1252
01:23:41,200 --> 01:23:44,250
Why would you want to go
back to that place

1253
01:23:44,370 --> 01:23:48,080
after the terrible tragedy
that happened to your wife,

1254
01:23:48,210 --> 01:23:49,840
Sarah Lou Phillips?

1255
01:23:49,960 --> 01:23:53,510
Because I want to forget
Sarah Lou Phillips

1256
01:23:53,630 --> 01:23:56,050
and her father, Leland Phillips,

1257
01:23:56,180 --> 01:23:59,390
creator of
the House of Phillips Unlimited.

1258
01:23:59,510 --> 01:24:00,970
But how can I,

1259
01:24:01,100 --> 01:24:01,930
when they're still manufacturing
those girdles

1260
01:24:02,060 --> 01:24:03,180
by the tens of thousands?

1261
01:24:03,310 --> 01:24:05,600
But hasn't the government
put a stop

1262
01:24:05,730 --> 01:24:08,440
to the production
of those flammable things?

1263
01:24:08,560 --> 01:24:12,020
Well, there's a movement in the
courts now to halt production

1264
01:24:12,150 --> 01:24:16,360
until the company chemists
take out the volatile element.

1265
01:24:16,490 --> 01:24:17,610
But until that time,

1266
01:24:17,740 --> 01:24:19,280
those giant wooden looms

1267
01:24:19,410 --> 01:24:22,200
are still churning out
those stretchable death traps.

1268
01:24:22,330 --> 01:24:25,040
SASH:
Has Leland Phillips no heart?

1269
01:24:25,160 --> 01:24:27,540
What of all the women
who don't realize

1270
01:24:27,670 --> 01:24:30,710
that they're purchasing
a potentially deadly weapon?

1271
01:24:30,840 --> 01:24:34,590
Leland Phillips is said to have
a heart of gold, and it's true.

1272
01:24:34,710 --> 01:24:38,880
But they fail to mention that
he's also got lungs of silver,

1273
01:24:39,010 --> 01:24:41,640
a stomach of copper,

1274
01:24:41,760 --> 01:24:44,060
and kidneys made
out of tungsten.

1275
01:24:44,180 --> 01:24:47,430
There's not
an authentic human organ

1276
01:24:47,560 --> 01:24:49,560
in his entire decrepit body.

1277
01:24:49,690 --> 01:24:54,480
The man is a maniac living off
the energy of the U.S. treasury,

1278
01:24:54,610 --> 01:24:57,030
created by corporate capitalism.

1279
01:24:57,150 --> 01:24:59,410
Chandler,
he sounds like a menace

1280
01:24:59,530 --> 01:25:00,990
to the sisterhood of women.

1281
01:25:01,120 --> 01:25:03,080
CHANDLER:
Oh, he's more than that.

1282
01:25:03,200 --> 01:25:06,330
He's a fiend that robbed me
of my manhood.

1283
01:25:06,450 --> 01:25:10,710
Why do you think I deviate
towards men?

1284
01:25:11,290 --> 01:25:17,050
Some experts say that
it's an imbalance in hormones.

1285
01:25:17,170 --> 01:25:18,760
No.

1286
01:25:18,880 --> 01:25:21,300
It's because practically
every woman I undress

1287
01:25:21,430 --> 01:25:23,180
is wearing
a House of Phillips girdle.

1288
01:25:23,310 --> 01:25:24,470
Oh, God, no!

1289
01:25:24,600 --> 01:25:26,270
CHANDLER:
Yes.

1290
01:25:26,390 --> 01:25:28,980
They just stand there
by the edge of the bed,

1291
01:25:29,100 --> 01:25:32,060
waiting for me to pull
the rest of their clothes off.

1292
01:25:32,190 --> 01:25:35,570
And then they ask me
what the hell am I staring at,

1293
01:25:35,690 --> 01:25:38,150
as if I've never seen a girdle
before.

1294
01:25:38,280 --> 01:25:39,860
Oh, Chandler.

1295
01:25:39,990 --> 01:25:41,660
Do you know how it feels

1296
01:25:41,780 --> 01:25:43,320
to relive the most
hideous moment of your life

1297
01:25:43,450 --> 01:25:46,450
again and again?

1298
01:25:48,870 --> 01:25:53,830
And then those half-naked women
wonder why my face turns wet

1299
01:25:53,960 --> 01:25:56,500
and why my eyes pop
out of my head

1300
01:25:56,630 --> 01:26:00,670
instead of something else
popping out of my shorts.

1301
01:26:05,310 --> 01:26:08,810
But it doesn't pop out.

1302
01:26:08,930 --> 01:26:11,810
Not anymore.

1303
01:26:16,020 --> 01:26:19,320
Can you blame me
for turning my back on women

1304
01:26:19,440 --> 01:26:21,820
and giving what I have up front
to men?

1305
01:26:21,950 --> 01:26:23,910
No, darling, no,

1306
01:26:24,030 --> 01:26:29,660
but what can free you
of this crippling disorder?

1307
01:26:29,790 --> 01:26:33,580
CHANDLER: The destruction of
the House of Phillips Unlimited.

1308
01:26:35,500 --> 01:26:42,840
All it would take is a Coca-Cola
bottle filled with gasoline.

1309
01:26:42,970 --> 01:26:45,390
That's Dr. Pepper country
down there.

1310
01:26:45,510 --> 01:26:47,050
CHANDLER:
Well, then,

1311
01:26:47,180 --> 01:26:49,810
a Dr. Pepper bottle filled
with gasoline.

1312
01:26:49,930 --> 01:26:52,850
And a fuse made
from the fragment

1313
01:26:52,980 --> 01:26:55,100
of a competitor's product.

1314
01:26:55,230 --> 01:26:59,440
You mean a chunk
of another girdle

1315
01:26:59,570 --> 01:27:01,150
of a different brand name?

1316
01:27:01,280 --> 01:27:02,950
CHANDLER:
That's right.

1317
01:27:03,070 --> 01:27:06,700
It'll make it all the more
ritualistic and prophetic.

1318
01:27:08,660 --> 01:27:13,790
Chandler, let me go down
Highway 135 with you.

1319
01:27:14,290 --> 01:27:16,830
To Waco, Texas.

1320
01:27:16,960 --> 01:27:19,550
To the House of Phillips
Unlimited

1321
01:27:19,670 --> 01:27:23,630
with its red neon sign
branding the Texas sky

1322
01:27:23,760 --> 01:27:24,970
with the mark of death.

1323
01:27:25,090 --> 01:27:27,800
Do you want to help me shatter
that sign

1324
01:27:27,930 --> 01:27:31,010
until it reads
''The House of Phillips Limited''?

1325
01:27:31,140 --> 01:27:35,020
And then just ''The House,'' until
finally there's no sign at all,

1326
01:27:35,150 --> 01:27:37,100
just a massive flaming debris?

1327
01:27:37,230 --> 01:27:41,070
Your mission in life
is my mission.

1328
01:27:41,190 --> 01:27:44,860
I love you.

1329
01:27:57,880 --> 01:28:01,210
[ Screams ]

1330
01:28:03,470 --> 01:28:05,800
Be careful with that!

1331
01:28:05,930 --> 01:28:09,760
It cost me an arm and a leg
to upholster that chair!

1332
01:28:09,890 --> 01:28:10,800
[ Elephant trumpets ]

1333
01:28:10,930 --> 01:28:12,310
TOYDY:
If an elephant walks in here,

1334
01:28:12,430 --> 01:28:13,680
it's gonna be you
that's going to be upholstered

1335
01:28:13,810 --> 01:28:15,140
all over this house.

1336
01:28:15,270 --> 01:28:17,440
What is that thing in the jug
down there?!

1337
01:28:17,560 --> 01:28:19,650
It's like a man --
the remains of a man.

1338
01:28:19,770 --> 01:28:22,400
Who told you to go snooping
around behind the shelves?

1339
01:28:22,530 --> 01:28:25,320
You were just supposed to get
the right vintage wine

1340
01:28:25,450 --> 01:28:26,950
and bring it up for supper.

1341
01:28:27,070 --> 01:28:29,620
We're gonna be for supper
if you don't stop chattering

1342
01:28:29,740 --> 01:28:31,700
and start blocking
those windows!

1343
01:28:31,830 --> 01:28:33,040
What are you talking about?

1344
01:28:33,160 --> 01:28:34,410
What's going on?

1345
01:28:34,540 --> 01:28:36,120
It's not only
the elephant out there.

1346
01:28:36,250 --> 01:28:38,210
I just saw a lion head straight
for your chicken coop,

1347
01:28:38,330 --> 01:28:39,080
Mrs. Hammond.

1348
01:28:39,210 --> 01:28:40,170
Good Lord!

1349
01:28:40,290 --> 01:28:42,420
Beulah and Pinky are in there!

1350
01:28:42,550 --> 01:28:43,880
Who's Beulah and Pinky?

1351
01:28:44,010 --> 01:28:45,300
They're my prize hens.

1352
01:28:45,420 --> 01:28:46,720
Come on. Come on.

1353
01:28:46,840 --> 01:28:48,340
What the hell is all this?

1354
01:28:48,470 --> 01:28:50,930
All this talk about elephants
and lions and hens?

1355
01:28:51,050 --> 01:28:53,760
You'd better add a gorilla
to that list, too.

1356
01:28:53,890 --> 01:28:55,390
Well, Chandler, we don't know
anything about it either,

1357
01:28:55,520 --> 01:28:58,810
but there's a herd of dangerous
animals out in that rain,

1358
01:28:58,940 --> 01:29:01,270
and they ain't shopping
for umbrellas.

1359
01:29:01,400 --> 01:29:02,940
Well, for your information,

1360
01:29:03,070 --> 01:29:04,900
there's a corpse down there
in the wine cellar

1361
01:29:05,030 --> 01:29:06,320
floating in a jug of liquid!

1362
01:29:06,440 --> 01:29:07,950
Ew.
Cut it out, Chandler.

1363
01:29:08,070 --> 01:29:09,530
I'm a nervous wreck as it is.

1364
01:29:09,660 --> 01:29:11,070
SASH:
He's not kidding, Roo.

1365
01:29:11,200 --> 01:29:12,830
I was the first to see it.

1366
01:29:12,950 --> 01:29:14,660
What's your game,
you stinking nut?

1367
01:29:14,790 --> 01:29:16,120
It's called pickling.

1368
01:29:16,250 --> 01:29:17,120
What?!

1369
01:29:17,250 --> 01:29:19,160
I pickle things to preserve them

1370
01:29:19,290 --> 01:29:22,130
like onions,
cauliflower, peppers.

1371
01:29:22,250 --> 01:29:23,540
SASH:
And men?

1372
01:29:23,670 --> 01:29:25,340
That's not just any man.

1373
01:29:25,460 --> 01:29:27,050
That's my husband!

1374
01:29:27,170 --> 01:29:29,550
You're crazier
than I thought you were.

1375
01:29:29,680 --> 01:29:30,760
Why?

1376
01:29:30,890 --> 01:29:34,560
Because I refuse to cover the
tangible remains of my husband

1377
01:29:34,680 --> 01:29:36,680
with a curtain of soil?

1378
01:29:36,810 --> 01:29:38,350
Yeah, but he was all eaten away,

1379
01:29:38,480 --> 01:29:41,100
as if something had been
gnawing away at his bones.

1380
01:29:41,230 --> 01:29:42,560
Didn't your mother
ever teach you

1381
01:29:42,690 --> 01:29:44,270
the proper way
to pickle something?

1382
01:29:44,400 --> 01:29:45,610
Oh, Sash, please.

1383
01:29:45,730 --> 01:29:47,820
GERT:
I pickled him right.

1384
01:29:47,940 --> 01:29:52,110
That was the way he looked
when he died.

1385
01:29:52,740 --> 01:29:55,240
They didn't leave much flesh
on him, did they?

1386
01:29:55,370 --> 01:29:56,740
CHANDLER:
Who's ''they''?

1387
01:29:56,870 --> 01:29:59,500
Who are you talking about?

1388
01:30:04,840 --> 01:30:08,380
I'm talking about
that buzzing cloud

1389
01:30:08,510 --> 01:30:15,220
that came down from the Rockies
on that awful Friday.

1390
01:30:16,140 --> 01:30:19,430
It was a Friday the 13th.

1391
01:30:19,560 --> 01:30:22,520
And it was noontime.

1392
01:30:22,650 --> 01:30:27,820
I was in the kitchen fixing
some lunch for Charlie,

1393
01:30:27,940 --> 01:30:31,990
who was working in the grain bin
all morning.

1394
01:30:33,450 --> 01:30:36,490
It was a cheerful morning.

1395
01:30:36,620 --> 01:30:40,580
Only, there were no birds
singing.

1396
01:30:40,710 --> 01:30:45,920
The birds had all flown away
the night before.

1397
01:30:51,340 --> 01:30:57,970
Seemed like there was
just me and Charlie

1398
01:30:58,100 --> 01:31:03,440
and that hot noonday sun
there on the farm.

1399
01:31:04,690 --> 01:31:08,320
And then it was just me
and Charlie.

1400
01:31:08,440 --> 01:31:15,410
'Cause the sun disappeared
in a buzzing, screaming shadow.

1401
01:31:15,530 --> 01:31:18,580
I looked out the window.

1402
01:31:18,700 --> 01:31:23,290
And I saw Charlie running
from the grain bin,

1403
01:31:23,410 --> 01:31:28,840
all white and covered
with wheat powder.

1404
01:31:28,960 --> 01:31:32,130
He froze dead in his tracks

1405
01:31:32,260 --> 01:31:36,260
as he looked up at the sky.

1406
01:31:36,390 --> 01:31:39,890
And that's when
they swooped down on him,

1407
01:31:40,010 --> 01:31:43,980
like a black hail
of winged devils.

1408
01:31:44,100 --> 01:31:46,060
TOYDY:
Locusts.

1409
01:31:48,270 --> 01:31:54,360
They covered my husband
with a shroud of hungry mouths,

1410
01:31:54,490 --> 01:32:00,370
each one chomping away
like there was no tomorrow.

1411
01:32:00,870 --> 01:32:04,830
They also covered
the field where he fell,

1412
01:32:04,960 --> 01:32:11,170
until the whole earth looked
like a pot of boiling caviar.

1413
01:32:11,300 --> 01:32:13,380
SASH:
Oh, my God.

1414
01:32:17,840 --> 01:32:20,800
The wind caused by the beating
of their wings

1415
01:32:20,930 --> 01:32:23,390
had slammed
the kitchen window shut.

1416
01:32:23,520 --> 01:32:27,770
And that's what probably saved
my life.

1417
01:32:27,900 --> 01:32:35,530
I lay unconscious on that floor
for a day and a night.

1418
01:32:35,650 --> 01:32:40,990
When I awoke, the morning sun

1419
01:32:41,120 --> 01:32:46,250
was beginning to bleach
the bones of my husband.

1420
01:32:46,370 --> 01:32:48,420
But locusts
aren't supposed to eat people.

1421
01:32:48,540 --> 01:32:50,040
You're forgetting something.

1422
01:32:50,170 --> 01:32:52,960
She said her husband was
all covered with wheat powder.

1423
01:32:53,090 --> 01:32:55,630
Wasn't there anyone around
that could have helped?

1424
01:32:55,760 --> 01:32:59,380
My son was in Borneo
at the time.

1425
01:32:59,510 --> 01:33:06,560
I remember praying to God
on that night after I awoke

1426
01:33:06,680 --> 01:33:11,310
how grateful I was that my son
had been spared the death

1427
01:33:11,440 --> 01:33:14,650
that descended on his father.

1428
01:33:14,780 --> 01:33:16,860
Little was I to know

1429
01:33:16,990 --> 01:33:21,870
that God was to have no mercy
on my son, either,

1430
01:33:21,990 --> 01:33:27,750
only a hideous,
swelling vengeance.

1431
01:33:27,870 --> 01:33:30,040
ROO:
Hey, there's a man out there.

1432
01:33:30,170 --> 01:33:31,330
A man?

1433
01:33:31,460 --> 01:33:34,340
You'd better hurry up, Toydy,
and open that door

1434
01:33:34,460 --> 01:33:37,420
before the lion gets bored
with his chicken dinner!

1435
01:33:37,550 --> 01:33:40,090
Oh, my Beulah and Pinky!

1436
01:33:40,220 --> 01:33:41,760
I'm so sorry.

1437
01:33:41,890 --> 01:33:44,640
[ Thunder crashes ]

1438
01:33:49,890 --> 01:33:53,110
[ Jazz music plays ]

1439
01:35:59,690 --> 01:36:02,820
[ Soft music plays ]

1440
01:36:51,700 --> 01:36:54,160
[ Jazz music plays ]

1441
01:38:12,780 --> 01:38:20,780
[ Tribal music plays ]

1442
01:43:11,910 --> 01:43:14,750
[ Dramatic music plays ]

1443
01:43:54,540 --> 01:43:56,080
-Shut the door. Quick!
-Oh!

1444
01:43:56,210 --> 01:43:58,670
Don't worry about that, mister.
I hate zoos myself.

1445
01:43:58,790 --> 01:44:01,090
Those ain't the tenants
of a zoo, Mack.

1446
01:44:01,210 --> 01:44:01,960
You all right?

1447
01:44:02,090 --> 01:44:03,340
Those specimens out there

1448
01:44:03,470 --> 01:44:04,970
are under contract
to Phineas Harlan.

1449
01:44:05,090 --> 01:44:06,380
You mean the circus impresario?

1450
01:44:06,510 --> 01:44:07,890
The one and only.

1451
01:44:08,010 --> 01:44:09,550
Well, what are they doing
running around outside --

1452
01:44:09,680 --> 01:44:11,010
door-to-door advertising?

1453
01:44:11,140 --> 01:44:14,810
No, I lost control of my truck.

1454
01:44:14,940 --> 01:44:18,810
She went over the embankment
about 50 yards from the bridge

1455
01:44:18,940 --> 01:44:20,820
and rolled over into the mud.

1456
01:44:20,940 --> 01:44:22,690
You mean the bridge is out?

1457
01:44:22,820 --> 01:44:25,280
No, my truck.
The bridge is still there.

1458
01:44:25,400 --> 01:44:26,700
-Above water?
-High and dry.

1459
01:44:26,820 --> 01:44:29,570
Then maybe we can get
out of here and hit Highway 135?

1460
01:44:29,700 --> 01:44:31,280
No way, sister.

1461
01:44:31,410 --> 01:44:33,410
Not with all those four-legged
buggers running around.

1462
01:44:33,540 --> 01:44:35,330
It's not the quadrupeds
that are dangerous.

1463
01:44:35,460 --> 01:44:38,830
It's that gargantuan biped.

1464
01:44:38,960 --> 01:44:40,500
BOND:
What the hell is a biped?

1465
01:44:40,630 --> 01:44:42,500
CHANDLER:
You're a biped, dummy.

1466
01:44:42,630 --> 01:44:44,420
Now, look, Chandler, I don't
mind you calling me a dummy,

1467
01:44:44,550 --> 01:44:47,010
but don't be calling me
any dirty Italian names.

1468
01:44:47,130 --> 01:44:48,890
A biped is a creature
with two legs!

1469
01:44:49,010 --> 01:44:51,430
You mean the gorilla I saw?
He's the dangerous one?

1470
01:44:51,560 --> 01:44:53,310
Uh-huh. Yeah.
Phineas Harlan pulled

1471
01:44:53,430 --> 01:44:55,350
all the teeth
out of the lion's mouth

1472
01:44:55,480 --> 01:44:57,480
and he pulled the claws out.

1473
01:44:57,600 --> 01:45:00,150
The circus is a fake,
a waste of money!

1474
01:45:00,270 --> 01:45:02,150
You mean that lion's harmless?

1475
01:45:02,270 --> 01:45:04,320
As harmless
as a toothless old lady.

1476
01:45:04,440 --> 01:45:07,570
Well, I don't know if I agree
with that saying, young man.

1477
01:45:07,700 --> 01:45:09,610
Mrs. Connor has no teeth,

1478
01:45:09,740 --> 01:45:11,200
yet she blasted her husband

1479
01:45:11,330 --> 01:45:13,660
with six rounds of buckshot
last spring.

1480
01:45:13,790 --> 01:45:17,040
Why don't you go take a walk
and find something to pickle?

1481
01:45:17,160 --> 01:45:20,210
I almost had me
a real nice pickle

1482
01:45:20,330 --> 01:45:21,920
if only you hadn't jumped away.

1483
01:45:22,040 --> 01:45:24,090
Let's cut the bickering, huh?

1484
01:45:24,210 --> 01:45:27,920
Now we have a very dangerous
situation here.

1485
01:45:28,050 --> 01:45:29,590
Only, if I understand you right,
mister. . .

1486
01:45:29,720 --> 01:45:30,550
Call me Bing.

1487
01:45:30,680 --> 01:45:32,510
All right, Bing.

1488
01:45:32,640 --> 01:45:34,100
But if I understand you right,

1489
01:45:34,220 --> 01:45:36,520
then the situation really is
not that grave.

1490
01:45:36,640 --> 01:45:38,680
ROO: Do you have to use
that word -- ''grave''?

1491
01:45:38,810 --> 01:45:40,270
Oh, my God.

1492
01:45:40,400 --> 01:45:41,850
All I've been hearing in
this house is talk of death.

1493
01:45:41,980 --> 01:45:43,980
What about
that elephant out there?

1494
01:45:44,110 --> 01:45:46,440
Minnie's so old,
she's practically blind.

1495
01:45:46,570 --> 01:45:49,110
Minnie's got to use her trunk
like a silver cane.

1496
01:45:49,240 --> 01:45:52,320
CHANDLER: So, then, it's just
the gorilla that's dangerous?

1497
01:45:52,450 --> 01:45:55,030
Don't minimize the danger, Mack.

1498
01:45:55,160 --> 01:45:58,200
Medusa didn't get that name
for nothing.

1499
01:45:58,330 --> 01:46:01,080
One look
at those blazing red eyes

1500
01:46:01,210 --> 01:46:06,420
surrounded
by that black matted hair

1501
01:46:06,550 --> 01:46:11,090
can freeze a man to a block
of stone on the spot.

1502
01:46:11,220 --> 01:46:12,930
She made me hard one night.

1503
01:46:13,050 --> 01:46:15,050
ROO:
Well, what's she after?

1504
01:46:15,180 --> 01:46:17,600
-Bananas.
-Come again?

1505
01:46:17,720 --> 01:46:18,850
She's crazy about bananas.

1506
01:46:18,980 --> 01:46:20,690
Well, aren't we all?

1507
01:46:20,810 --> 01:46:23,310
Is that all she wants, bananas?

1508
01:46:23,440 --> 01:46:24,730
No. No.

1509
01:46:24,860 --> 01:46:26,150
She's. . .

1510
01:46:26,280 --> 01:46:28,610
She wants. . .

1511
01:46:28,740 --> 01:46:31,610
She needs sex.

1512
01:46:31,740 --> 01:46:33,320
You'd think that Phineas
whatever his name is

1513
01:46:33,450 --> 01:46:34,870
would get her a mate.

1514
01:46:34,990 --> 01:46:37,700
She doesn't like other gorillas.
They're too hairy.

1515
01:46:37,830 --> 01:46:43,080
Medusa likes the naked,
virile flesh of young men.

1516
01:46:43,210 --> 01:46:45,880
And how, pray tell,
did she get a taste for that?

1517
01:46:46,000 --> 01:46:47,000
That's unimportant now!

1518
01:46:47,130 --> 01:46:47,920
TOYDY:
Wait a second.

1519
01:46:48,050 --> 01:46:50,050
Wait just one minute.

1520
01:46:50,170 --> 01:46:52,300
You said she got you hard
one night.

1521
01:46:52,430 --> 01:46:53,470
What the hell did you mean
by that?

1522
01:46:53,590 --> 01:46:55,930
Look, I don't like being grilled
by the cops or anyone else!

1523
01:46:56,050 --> 01:46:59,930
Speaking of grilled, I'd better
check on those pork chops.

1524
01:47:00,060 --> 01:47:01,930
Excuse me, please.

1525
01:47:02,060 --> 01:47:04,190
Look, mister.

1526
01:47:04,310 --> 01:47:06,560
We're no angels,
and we have weird tastes, too.

1527
01:47:06,690 --> 01:47:08,570
BING: What's so weird
about pork chops?

1528
01:47:08,690 --> 01:47:09,730
I wasn't talking
about pork chops!

1529
01:47:09,860 --> 01:47:11,280
I was talking about you

1530
01:47:11,400 --> 01:47:14,490
and that big, black,
red-eyed female out there!

1531
01:47:14,620 --> 01:47:17,240
Toydy, that female is a gorilla.

1532
01:47:17,370 --> 01:47:18,660
Shut up, Sash,
and let him finish.

1533
01:47:18,790 --> 01:47:19,490
He's got something there.

1534
01:47:19,620 --> 01:47:20,910
SASH:
Well, you ought to know,

1535
01:47:21,040 --> 01:47:23,710
being that you had it
in your hand a couple hours ago.

1536
01:47:23,830 --> 01:47:26,250
ROO: Now, just a minute,
Miss Wine Cellar Virgin.

1537
01:47:26,380 --> 01:47:29,590
Don't you go talking back to me,
or I'm gonna spill the beans.

1538
01:47:29,710 --> 01:47:31,760
GERT:
We're not having beans tonight!

1539
01:47:31,880 --> 01:47:33,590
We're having corn on the cob.

1540
01:47:33,720 --> 01:47:36,090
You know where you can shove
that corn on the cob,

1541
01:47:36,220 --> 01:47:37,180
Mrs. Hammond!

1542
01:47:37,300 --> 01:47:38,800
Shut up, everybody,
and let me finish!

1543
01:47:38,930 --> 01:47:42,020
I have a score to settle
with this little cellar tramp!

1544
01:47:42,140 --> 01:47:44,440
You're talking
about the woman I love.

1545
01:47:44,560 --> 01:47:47,020
You, Chandler, and that woman?

1546
01:47:47,150 --> 01:47:48,270
Surprised, muscles?

1547
01:47:48,400 --> 01:47:50,440
You didn't think I had it in me,
huh?

1548
01:47:50,570 --> 01:47:52,190
[ Chuckles ]

1549
01:47:52,320 --> 01:47:53,650
I sort of knew you didn't have
it in you for a long time.

1550
01:47:53,780 --> 01:47:55,660
Maybe that's why
you were messing with her.

1551
01:47:55,780 --> 01:47:58,120
Because you didn't put it in me
back there in the car?

1552
01:47:58,240 --> 01:48:01,200
Well, I was sort of edgy.

1553
01:48:01,330 --> 01:48:04,290
But I'm not edgy anymore.

1554
01:48:04,410 --> 01:48:06,170
Thanks to Sash.

1555
01:48:06,290 --> 01:48:07,790
ROO:
No, of course not.

1556
01:48:07,920 --> 01:48:10,630
She manages to take
the sharp edge off everything,

1557
01:48:10,750 --> 01:48:11,920
don't you, Sash?

1558
01:48:12,050 --> 01:48:14,590
You can't threaten me anymore,
Roo.

1559
01:48:14,720 --> 01:48:16,470
I don't care what you say.

1560
01:48:16,590 --> 01:48:20,220
For the first time in my life,
I'm in love with a man.

1561
01:48:20,350 --> 01:48:21,760
You sure about his credentials?

1562
01:48:21,890 --> 01:48:23,470
I'm in love with a man.

1563
01:48:23,600 --> 01:48:26,810
Well, it sure beats a cactus,
don't it, Sash?

1564
01:48:26,940 --> 01:48:29,690
TOYDY:
What are you two talking about?

1565
01:48:29,820 --> 01:48:31,820
You wanted to know
why she had a red butt

1566
01:48:31,940 --> 01:48:34,070
when we lived in Tucson,
didn't you, Toydy?

1567
01:48:34,190 --> 01:48:37,200
Go ahead, Roo.
I'm not afraid.

1568
01:48:37,320 --> 01:48:39,370
TOYDY:
Yeah, go ahead.

1569
01:48:39,490 --> 01:48:42,990
I'd like to know
how she got a red butt.

1570
01:48:44,410 --> 01:48:46,540
It's because. . .

1571
01:48:46,670 --> 01:48:50,750
It's because
it was lonely there in Tucson,

1572
01:48:50,880 --> 01:48:54,760
and she was as horny
as a desert lizard.

1573
01:48:54,880 --> 01:48:59,720
And there was nothing
for miles around but cactus,

1574
01:48:59,850 --> 01:49:03,470
a forest of juicy, stumpy cactus

1575
01:49:03,600 --> 01:49:08,770
that rose 9 inches high
into the desert air.

1576
01:49:08,900 --> 01:49:11,110
Why, it was so boring,

1577
01:49:11,230 --> 01:49:15,780
that Sash over here would pull
up those cactus with ice tongs

1578
01:49:15,900 --> 01:49:19,570
and sit for hours plucking out
the needles

1579
01:49:19,700 --> 01:49:22,030
with her silver tweezers.

1580
01:49:22,160 --> 01:49:26,290
Only, you couldn't get them
all out, could you, Sash?

1581
01:49:26,410 --> 01:49:28,460
Yes, I could.

1582
01:49:28,580 --> 01:49:30,120
I got them all out.

1583
01:49:30,250 --> 01:49:32,880
The doctor said
that the rash in my buttocks

1584
01:49:33,000 --> 01:49:36,840
was caused by a type of
chlorophyll poisoning.

1585
01:49:36,970 --> 01:49:40,550
And she got that rash
by gyrating for hours

1586
01:49:40,680 --> 01:49:43,850
on the stumpy shaft
of a Tucson cactus.

1587
01:49:43,970 --> 01:49:45,310
[ Laughs ]

1588
01:49:45,430 --> 01:49:48,640
How come there was no red rash
further down,

1589
01:49:48,770 --> 01:49:50,560
like on the private parts?

1590
01:49:50,690 --> 01:49:55,400
Because her private parts
were reserved

1591
01:49:55,530 --> 01:49:58,940
for that stuffed Gila monster
her father kept on the mantel.

1592
01:49:59,070 --> 01:50:00,240
[ Laughs ]

1593
01:50:00,360 --> 01:50:03,660
Are you disappointed in me,
Chandler?

1594
01:50:03,780 --> 01:50:05,410
[ Romantic music plays ]

1595
01:50:05,540 --> 01:50:09,250
How could I be disappointed
in the woman I love?

1596
01:50:09,370 --> 01:50:10,750
Well, all right.

1597
01:50:10,870 --> 01:50:14,380
Now that you've got that
off your chest

1598
01:50:14,500 --> 01:50:17,800
and out of your buttocks,
what next?

1599
01:50:17,920 --> 01:50:20,550
What the heck is going on here?

1600
01:50:20,680 --> 01:50:22,720
Is this some sort of
communal therapy group?

1601
01:50:22,840 --> 01:50:24,180
Is that what this is?!

1602
01:50:24,300 --> 01:50:26,970
Well, I'd have to be speaking
only for myself

1603
01:50:27,100 --> 01:50:28,430
if I said that it was.

1604
01:50:28,560 --> 01:50:30,100
Well, whose turn is it now?

1605
01:50:30,230 --> 01:50:32,440
Who's gonna pull their skeleton
out of their closet

1606
01:50:32,560 --> 01:50:34,400
and pull them
out of the moth balls?

1607
01:50:34,520 --> 01:50:36,440
I was kind of hoping
it would be Gert,

1608
01:50:36,570 --> 01:50:39,240
seeing as how she hasn't
unlocked that door over there.

1609
01:50:39,360 --> 01:50:44,070
SASH:
Gert's already bared her soul.

1610
01:50:44,200 --> 01:50:47,540
And don't go mentioning
moth balls or skeletons

1611
01:50:47,660 --> 01:50:50,620
or any other type of bug
when she comes in.

1612
01:50:50,750 --> 01:50:52,160
Well, I bared myself.

1613
01:50:52,290 --> 01:50:53,580
TOYDY:
Oh, you did? When?

1614
01:50:53,710 --> 01:50:55,920
Back there under the staircase.

1615
01:50:56,040 --> 01:50:57,550
Bond and I indulged
in a little soul searching.

1616
01:50:57,670 --> 01:50:59,340
Didn't we, honey?

1617
01:50:59,460 --> 01:51:01,800
It didn't take you long to find
what you were looking for.

1618
01:51:01,930 --> 01:51:04,800
That's because your zipper
didn't get stuck.

1619
01:51:04,930 --> 01:51:06,890
BOND: Let's skip the details,
shall we?

1620
01:51:07,010 --> 01:51:08,100
Sure.

1621
01:51:08,220 --> 01:51:11,230
There's no sense in getting them
to licking their chops

1622
01:51:11,350 --> 01:51:13,390
before the real chops
are out of the oven.

1623
01:51:13,520 --> 01:51:14,730
Where's Willene?

1624
01:51:14,860 --> 01:51:16,690
I don't know,
but last time I seen her,

1625
01:51:16,820 --> 01:51:18,070
she was sitting on the floor

1626
01:51:18,190 --> 01:51:19,980
swooning over the voice
of her master.

1627
01:51:20,110 --> 01:51:22,490
Check that crazy bedroom
down the hall.

1628
01:51:22,610 --> 01:51:24,990
While the cat's away,
the mice do play,

1629
01:51:25,120 --> 01:51:28,740
even if the cat howls
over the radio once in a while.

1630
01:51:28,870 --> 01:51:30,910
Well, I guess it's your turn,
Bing.

1631
01:51:31,040 --> 01:51:35,420
My turn to what?

1632
01:51:35,540 --> 01:51:37,710
Bare your soul.

1633
01:51:37,840 --> 01:51:39,550
Oh, phooey.

1634
01:51:39,670 --> 01:51:42,840
Couldn't he bare something
a little more external?

1635
01:51:42,970 --> 01:51:44,180
I'll drink to that.

1636
01:51:44,300 --> 01:51:47,050
-Well, get yourself a glass.
-Get me one, too.

1637
01:51:47,180 --> 01:51:48,390
Get your own.

1638
01:51:48,510 --> 01:51:50,390
This house is full
of liquor glasses.

1639
01:51:50,520 --> 01:51:52,680
What did she call this place?

1640
01:51:52,810 --> 01:51:56,100
I heard her say something
like Prairie Blossom.

1641
01:51:56,230 --> 01:51:59,190
Lush Gardens
would be more fitting.

1642
01:52:14,580 --> 01:52:16,250
Here you are, my friend.

1643
01:52:16,370 --> 01:52:18,040
You're gonna need this.

1644
01:52:18,170 --> 01:52:22,630
To what, bare my soul?

1645
01:52:22,760 --> 01:52:25,800
Just consider it a form
of psychological enema.

1646
01:52:25,930 --> 01:52:27,550
TOYDY:
Shh! Don't say that word!

1647
01:52:27,680 --> 01:52:29,550
Old Gert will come running in
with a rubber garden hose!

1648
01:52:29,680 --> 01:52:31,100
ROO:
How thrilling!

1649
01:52:31,220 --> 01:52:33,180
TOYDY: Well, if you like things
like that, honey,

1650
01:52:33,310 --> 01:52:34,770
maybe I can get
Minnie the elephant

1651
01:52:34,890 --> 01:52:37,810
to grope around
in your peanut bag.

1652
01:52:37,940 --> 01:52:40,810
My bags been getting some nuts,
honey,

1653
01:52:40,940 --> 01:52:42,650
but they ain't been
peanut sized.

1654
01:52:42,780 --> 01:52:44,570
Where were they?
They from the kid?

1655
01:52:44,690 --> 01:52:45,780
Jealous?

1656
01:52:45,900 --> 01:52:48,200
Mnh-mnh. Just hungry.

1657
01:52:48,320 --> 01:52:52,530
Well, we'll be having pork chops
soon and corn on the cob.

1658
01:52:52,660 --> 01:52:58,460
But first, let's sink our teeth
into your background, Bing.

1659
01:52:58,580 --> 01:53:00,170
Come on.

1660
01:53:00,290 --> 01:53:03,710
Why don't you tell us about
Minnie, and Medusa, and. . .

1661
01:53:03,840 --> 01:53:05,670
-Samson.
-Yeah.

1662
01:53:05,800 --> 01:53:08,930
The lion's named Samson.

1663
01:53:09,050 --> 01:53:11,010
He had the strength of 10 men

1664
01:53:11,140 --> 01:53:13,140
until, like the biblical hero,

1665
01:53:13,270 --> 01:53:16,430
they clipped his toenails
and his teeth.

1666
01:53:16,560 --> 01:53:19,310
You said they took out
his teeth?

1667
01:53:19,440 --> 01:53:22,060
That's a terrible thing to do.

1668
01:53:22,190 --> 01:53:26,070
Sometimes men wish mine were
gone, but that's another story.

1669
01:53:26,190 --> 01:53:28,030
A dirty one.
[ Chuckles ]

1670
01:53:28,150 --> 01:53:31,870
Minnie is clean.
And so is Samson.

1671
01:53:31,990 --> 01:53:35,450
CHANDLER:
What about Medusa?

1672
01:53:35,580 --> 01:53:38,250
I. . .

1673
01:53:38,370 --> 01:53:41,380
[ Groans ]

1674
01:53:43,800 --> 01:53:49,050
[ Voice breaking ]
I -- I made Medusa dirty.

1675
01:53:49,180 --> 01:53:51,300
[ Sobbing ]

1676
01:53:53,720 --> 01:53:56,890
Did you tell your husband
about all this hocus-pocus?

1677
01:53:57,020 --> 01:53:58,770
My husband is a religious man,

1678
01:53:58,890 --> 01:54:02,190
and he's doing all he can
to rid my body of this curse.

1679
01:54:02,310 --> 01:54:03,610
How?

1680
01:54:03,730 --> 01:54:05,190
By not copulating with me

1681
01:54:05,320 --> 01:54:07,940
until Sister Geneva
flushes out the vileness

1682
01:54:08,070 --> 01:54:10,650
with her elephant syringe.

1683
01:54:10,780 --> 01:54:13,120
Holy cow!

1684
01:54:13,240 --> 01:54:17,160
You mean you let some nun stick
an elephant syringe

1685
01:54:17,290 --> 01:54:18,580
in your organ

1686
01:54:18,710 --> 01:54:22,750
while your husband
beats his meat and waits?

1687
01:54:22,880 --> 01:54:26,380
My husband
does not beat his meat.

1688
01:54:26,500 --> 01:54:28,510
He fluctuates his firmness.

1689
01:54:28,630 --> 01:54:29,920
[ Chuckles ]

1690
01:54:30,050 --> 01:54:31,720
Sister Geneva told us
before we were married

1691
01:54:31,840 --> 01:54:37,970
that we'd have to wait until
she could perform this ritual.

1692
01:54:38,100 --> 01:54:39,180
[ Chuckles ]

1693
01:54:39,310 --> 01:54:41,060
Oh, she did, did she?

1694
01:54:41,190 --> 01:54:44,310
Well, we could use that old dyke
and her syringe

1695
01:54:44,440 --> 01:54:48,150
just in case
Minnie gets constipated tonight.

1696
01:54:48,280 --> 01:54:49,940
Who's Minnie?

1697
01:54:50,070 --> 01:54:52,650
Didn't you hear that elephant
trumpeting out in the storm?

1698
01:54:52,780 --> 01:54:55,700
There's wild animals out there,
Willene.

1699
01:54:55,830 --> 01:54:58,410
Aren't there enough of them here
in this house?

1700
01:54:58,540 --> 01:55:01,580
Is that what you consider me,
an animal?

1701
01:55:01,710 --> 01:55:05,130
I consider you all debased
by yearnings of the flesh.

1702
01:55:05,250 --> 01:55:07,880
Do you see that vile object
over there?

1703
01:55:08,000 --> 01:55:10,590
You mean that dildo
with a fork in it?

1704
01:55:10,720 --> 01:55:12,220
[ Chuckles ]

1705
01:55:12,340 --> 01:55:15,800
I picked up that object 'cause
it was lying in the hall

1706
01:55:15,930 --> 01:55:17,930
as a stimulus to deviltry.

1707
01:55:18,060 --> 01:55:20,220
Am I a devil?

1708
01:55:20,350 --> 01:55:23,100
WILLENE:
You're an animal.

1709
01:55:25,230 --> 01:55:29,270
And you're still a virgin
after how long?

1710
01:55:29,400 --> 01:55:30,650
Three years.

1711
01:55:30,780 --> 01:55:32,860
Sister Geneva's
trying to hurry it up,

1712
01:55:32,990 --> 01:55:34,700
but it takes a long time.

1713
01:55:34,820 --> 01:55:36,120
Three years.

1714
01:55:36,240 --> 01:55:38,990
Bride to an elephant syringe.

1715
01:55:39,120 --> 01:55:43,460
Sister Geneva
was a bride of Jesus.

1716
01:55:43,580 --> 01:55:44,580
[ Chuckles ]

1717
01:55:44,710 --> 01:55:46,710
Jesus didn't have no bride,

1718
01:55:46,840 --> 01:55:50,300
just widows in black
with a green elephant syringe.

1719
01:55:50,420 --> 01:55:52,300
It was pink.

1720
01:55:52,420 --> 01:55:53,800
Oh.

1721
01:55:53,930 --> 01:55:56,930
Well, you're right
about one thing.

1722
01:55:57,050 --> 01:55:58,890
What?

1723
01:56:06,900 --> 01:56:08,730
What was I right about?

1724
01:56:08,860 --> 01:56:10,730
I am an animal.

1725
01:56:10,860 --> 01:56:11,820
[ Moaning ]

1726
01:56:28,330 --> 01:56:30,090
What kind?

1727
01:56:30,210 --> 01:56:32,050
BOND:
A rhinoceros!

1728
01:56:32,170 --> 01:56:34,510
Can't you tell by my horn?

1729
01:56:34,630 --> 01:56:36,970
WILLENE:
What are you gonna do with it?

1730
01:56:37,090 --> 01:56:43,100
I'm gonna prove to you that your
womanhood will not be fruitless.

1731
01:56:43,220 --> 01:56:49,610
That the tree of your body
will not be barren next spring.

1732
01:56:49,730 --> 01:56:54,900
Oh, Sister Mercy, forgive me,
for I know not what I do.

1733
01:56:55,030 --> 01:56:56,490
[ Bells ringing ]

1734
01:56:56,610 --> 01:57:00,070
The tree of your body
may be losing a cherry,

1735
01:57:00,200 --> 01:57:04,240
but it's gaining two plums
and a banana!

1736
01:57:04,370 --> 01:57:07,580
And so needing a job and having
a great fondness for animals

1737
01:57:07,710 --> 01:57:10,960
led me into accepting a position
in Phineas Harlan's circus.

1738
01:57:11,090 --> 01:57:12,340
Did you enjoy the circus?

1739
01:57:12,460 --> 01:57:14,380
I enjoyed working
with the animals.

1740
01:57:14,510 --> 01:57:15,840
It was the people I hated.

1741
01:57:15,970 --> 01:57:17,050
You mean your co-workers?

1742
01:57:17,180 --> 01:57:18,550
Them and the audience.

1743
01:57:18,680 --> 01:57:20,470
You see, the animals' fatness

1744
01:57:20,600 --> 01:57:23,720
was a result of confinement
rather than gluttony.

1745
01:57:23,850 --> 01:57:24,970
Yeah, sure.

1746
01:57:25,100 --> 01:57:27,640
But what about you
and that gorilla?

1747
01:57:27,770 --> 01:57:29,440
I was coming to that.

1748
01:57:29,560 --> 01:57:32,270
You see, my co-workers were
very fond of practical jokes.

1749
01:57:32,400 --> 01:57:35,360
So, one night,
on my 31st birthday,

1750
01:57:35,490 --> 01:57:37,650
they got me drunk
during the celebration.

1751
01:57:37,780 --> 01:57:39,820
Stinking drunk.

1752
01:57:39,950 --> 01:57:41,070
That's a shame!

1753
01:57:41,200 --> 01:57:42,450
TOYDY:
A shame you weren't there.

1754
01:57:42,580 --> 01:57:43,870
You like animals so much

1755
01:57:43,990 --> 01:57:45,790
you'd really get off
on that booze hound.

1756
01:57:45,910 --> 01:57:47,580
BING:
Do you want me to continue

1757
01:57:47,710 --> 01:57:50,290
or do you just feel like making
wisecracks all night?

1758
01:57:50,420 --> 01:57:51,710
TOYDY:
I'm sorry. Go on.

1759
01:57:51,830 --> 01:57:55,960
Like I was saying,
I was real drunk.

1760
01:57:56,090 --> 01:57:59,170
And since we had been
on the road for two weeks,

1761
01:57:59,300 --> 01:58:00,800
I was horny as hell.

1762
01:58:00,930 --> 01:58:05,180
My friends said that they had
lined up a hooker for me

1763
01:58:05,310 --> 01:58:09,100
and that she was behind
the calliope in a tent.

1764
01:58:09,230 --> 01:58:10,520
[ Clears throat ]

1765
01:58:10,650 --> 01:58:12,230
I staggered across
the muddy fairgrounds,

1766
01:58:12,360 --> 01:58:14,900
tossing my clothes off
as I approached the two tents.

1767
01:58:15,020 --> 01:58:16,690
I was seeing double
by that time.

1768
01:58:16,820 --> 01:58:18,900
One of my friends got
on the calliope,

1769
01:58:19,030 --> 01:58:20,450
and there was all this music

1770
01:58:20,570 --> 01:58:22,030
as I tore open the tent flap

1771
01:58:22,160 --> 01:58:24,700
and jumped upon the thing
in the sleeping bag.

1772
01:58:24,830 --> 01:58:28,080
I knew she was black and
that her skin was kind of puffy

1773
01:58:28,200 --> 01:58:29,540
and she smelled funny,

1774
01:58:29,660 --> 01:58:32,120
but I didn't care
after two weeks on the road.

1775
01:58:32,250 --> 01:58:35,130
Two weeks
of driving past billboards

1776
01:58:35,250 --> 01:58:38,800
with their bikini-clad models
holding up suntan lotions.

1777
01:58:38,920 --> 01:58:43,800
There was something jangling
on her wrist and feet,

1778
01:58:43,930 --> 01:58:46,220
but I could hardly hear

1779
01:58:46,350 --> 01:58:50,180
because of the loud
calliope music.

1780
01:58:52,940 --> 01:58:57,440
Anyhow, I thought they were
bracelets like you're wearing.

1781
01:58:57,570 --> 01:58:58,940
They weren't?

1782
01:58:59,070 --> 01:59:02,030
The morning light revealed
their true nature.

1783
01:59:02,160 --> 01:59:06,580
They were chains
that held down the gorilla.

1784
01:59:06,700 --> 01:59:09,950
Someone had shaven her
from head to foot.

1785
01:59:10,080 --> 01:59:11,620
GERT:
Dear Lord!

1786
01:59:11,750 --> 01:59:15,920
BING:
We lay there in the dim light,

1787
01:59:16,040 --> 01:59:20,380
her black stubby fingers
around my pecker.

1788
01:59:20,510 --> 01:59:23,220
[ Whimsical music plays ]

1789
01:59:57,790 --> 02:00:02,090
Then she turned that massive
pointed head toward me

1790
02:00:02,220 --> 02:00:07,970
and bared those giant, yellow
teeth in a smile of affection.

1791
02:00:08,100 --> 02:00:10,100
I screamed!

1792
02:00:10,220 --> 02:00:15,560
I screamed so loud that every
creature in the circus went wild

1793
02:00:15,690 --> 02:00:18,060
in their cages.

1794
02:00:18,190 --> 02:00:24,950
Maintenance men found me lying
by the calliope

1795
02:00:25,070 --> 02:00:29,570
trying to sing
''I Love You Truly.''

1796
02:00:29,700 --> 02:00:34,660
Medusa was lying there
in the sleeping bag

1797
02:00:34,790 --> 02:00:37,330
massaging her breasts.

1798
02:00:37,460 --> 02:00:44,050
They said it took four men
from the loony bin

1799
02:00:44,170 --> 02:00:46,760
to carry me away.

1800
02:00:46,880 --> 02:00:48,970
[ Crying ]

1801
02:00:49,100 --> 02:00:51,140
You were put under observation?

1802
02:00:51,260 --> 02:00:53,930
For a whole week.

1803
02:00:54,060 --> 02:00:57,770
Then I was set free,
and I went back to work.

1804
02:00:57,900 --> 02:01:04,780
Only, this time, Medusa
was observing me every second.

1805
02:01:04,900 --> 02:01:08,700
And she'd make little lewd
gestures with her toes.

1806
02:01:08,820 --> 02:01:10,450
Made my flesh crawl.

1807
02:01:10,580 --> 02:01:15,040
So, why is she so dangerous
if she loves you that much?

1808
02:01:15,160 --> 02:01:19,370
Her love was forcibly repressed
by the bars of her cage.

1809
02:01:19,500 --> 02:01:24,050
When she realized she wasn't
getting anywhere with me,

1810
02:01:24,170 --> 02:01:28,720
she tried making love
to Señor Tostada, her trainer.

1811
02:01:30,300 --> 02:01:33,220
[ Ominous music plays ]

1812
02:01:44,860 --> 02:01:48,200
He beat her with his whip,
and she became enraged.

1813
02:01:48,320 --> 02:01:51,320
Señor Tostada was literally torn
limb from limb.

1814
02:01:51,450 --> 02:01:55,040
His arms and legs had been
tossed 15 feet into the air

1815
02:01:55,160 --> 02:01:57,910
and landed
into the concession stand,

1816
02:01:58,040 --> 02:02:01,670
falling into a bin of popcorn.

1817
02:02:01,790 --> 02:02:04,920
And they found his head tossed
not far away,

1818
02:02:05,050 --> 02:02:08,920
embedded
in the cotton-candy machine.

1819
02:02:09,050 --> 02:02:12,640
Aren't animals
as dangerous as that destroyed?

1820
02:02:13,850 --> 02:02:17,270
Phineas Harlan
couldn't destroy Medusa.

1821
02:02:17,390 --> 02:02:18,850
His wife loved that ape.

1822
02:02:18,980 --> 02:02:22,230
When he had brought
the baby Medusa from the jungle,

1823
02:02:22,360 --> 02:02:23,980
it was sick and near death.

1824
02:02:24,110 --> 02:02:28,240
Mrs. Harlan nursed it with
the milk from her own breasts.

1825
02:02:28,360 --> 02:02:30,240
On that hideous morning

1826
02:02:30,360 --> 02:02:34,410
when it was found shaven
and chained in the tent,

1827
02:02:34,530 --> 02:02:39,200
it was Mrs. Harlan who donated
her mink coat to Medusa

1828
02:02:39,330 --> 02:02:42,000
so she wouldn't catch pneumonia.

1829
02:02:42,120 --> 02:02:43,880
[ Thunder crashes ]

1830
02:02:44,000 --> 02:02:48,210
A mother's love is the strongest
thing in the world.

1831
02:02:48,340 --> 02:02:50,130
Like those chains
that held down the gorilla.

1832
02:02:50,260 --> 02:02:51,510
So, what happened?

1833
02:02:51,630 --> 02:02:52,970
The gorilla was kept on
in the circus?

1834
02:02:53,090 --> 02:02:56,180
Having tasted the flesh
and then the blood of men,

1835
02:02:56,310 --> 02:02:58,770
Medusa became
a murderous psychopath

1836
02:02:58,890 --> 02:03:00,390
obeying only Mrs. Harlan.

1837
02:03:00,520 --> 02:03:03,730
She later put on
Señor Tostada's boots and whip

1838
02:03:03,860 --> 02:03:05,270
and a leopard bikini.

1839
02:03:05,400 --> 02:03:07,610
And then Mrs. Harlan
took control of it.

1840
02:03:07,730 --> 02:03:10,070
Well, then, we women here
tonight are safe

1841
02:03:10,190 --> 02:03:13,150
if that gorilla
only goes ape over men.

1842
02:03:13,280 --> 02:03:14,610
No, you're not.

1843
02:03:14,740 --> 02:03:15,950
You see, the relationship soured
rather quickly

1844
02:03:16,080 --> 02:03:17,580
when Mrs. Harlan got
into the ring.

1845
02:03:17,700 --> 02:03:19,330
Why was that?

1846
02:03:19,450 --> 02:03:20,290
The bikini.

1847
02:03:24,750 --> 02:03:28,800
Mrs. Harlan was going on
59 years of age.

1848
02:03:28,920 --> 02:03:33,680
Her flesh was bloated
and sagging considerably.

1849
02:03:34,340 --> 02:03:36,720
[ Indistinct shouting ]

1850
02:03:45,440 --> 02:03:47,400
When she ran out
into the arena,

1851
02:03:47,520 --> 02:03:50,230
the audience screamed
their disapproval at her.

1852
02:03:50,360 --> 02:03:52,610
She was always visibly shaken
by the reception,

1853
02:03:52,740 --> 02:03:55,700
and she began to take out
her feelings on Medusa.

1854
02:03:55,820 --> 02:03:58,070
-By the whip?
-BING: Yes.

1855
02:03:58,200 --> 02:03:59,990
She was like a female
Captain Bligh.

1856
02:04:00,120 --> 02:04:04,580
MAN:
And in tent number 3,

1857
02:04:04,710 --> 02:04:09,420
Mrs. Courtney Harlan and Medusa!

1858
02:04:09,550 --> 02:04:12,300
[ Crowd booing ]

1859
02:04:45,250 --> 02:04:48,540
BING: Then, one night, under
the big top in Dayton, Ohio,

1860
02:04:48,670 --> 02:04:50,630
Medusa grabbed hold of the whip

1861
02:04:50,750 --> 02:04:52,920
and pulled Mrs. Harlan
within reach.

1862
02:04:53,050 --> 02:04:54,920
She stripped off
the old lady's bikini

1863
02:04:55,050 --> 02:04:56,510
in front of the horrified crowd.

1864
02:04:56,630 --> 02:04:58,260
I don't know what they were
more horrified at --

1865
02:04:58,390 --> 02:05:02,680
the enraged gorilla or Mrs.
Harlan's completely naked body.

1866
02:05:06,850 --> 02:05:08,310
In any case,

1867
02:05:08,440 --> 02:05:10,270
the gorilla tied one end
of the whip around her neck,

1868
02:05:10,400 --> 02:05:12,400
and then grabbing on
to the other end,

1869
02:05:12,530 --> 02:05:16,610
Medusa whirled her around
up high in the air.

1870
02:05:26,250 --> 02:05:29,460
Then the gorilla let go
of that whip

1871
02:05:29,580 --> 02:05:34,340
and that blasted, bloated body
went sailing over the cage

1872
02:05:34,460 --> 02:05:38,090
and hit the tent
and bounced back

1873
02:05:38,220 --> 02:05:40,430
and dropped into the arena

1874
02:05:40,550 --> 02:05:42,930
where the dancing hippos
were in ring number 2.

1875
02:05:43,060 --> 02:05:45,020
Were the hippos dancing
at the time?

1876
02:05:45,140 --> 02:05:48,140
Yes. The Mexican Hat Dance.

1877
02:05:48,270 --> 02:05:52,650
Young man, I took a heck of
a long time preparing this meal.

1878
02:05:52,770 --> 02:05:54,480
Now, don't go ruining it for us.

1879
02:05:54,610 --> 02:05:56,030
I'm just about finished.

1880
02:05:56,150 --> 02:05:57,820
There's not much more to say.

1881
02:05:57,950 --> 02:06:00,160
And yet,
after all these tragedies,

1882
02:06:00,280 --> 02:06:02,950
the gorilla
was still allowed to perform?

1883
02:06:03,080 --> 02:06:05,040
Killing old lady Harlan
was the best thing

1884
02:06:05,160 --> 02:06:07,370
that Medusa could have done
for Phineas Harlan.

1885
02:06:07,500 --> 02:06:11,710
He was now rolling
in insurance money.

1886
02:06:11,830 --> 02:06:13,540
Her act was kept on --

1887
02:06:13,670 --> 02:06:16,050
The one with Medusa was kept on,

1888
02:06:16,170 --> 02:06:19,050
but it was downgraded
considerably.

1889
02:06:19,180 --> 02:06:23,850
Her feet were chained
to a garishly painted platform.

1890
02:06:23,970 --> 02:06:28,680
A semi-naked woman was hired
to throw hula hoops on her.

1891
02:06:28,810 --> 02:06:31,520
Medusa was taught to mimic
the woman's hip movement

1892
02:06:31,650 --> 02:06:35,320
so that the hula hoops
would twirl.

1893
02:07:40,380 --> 02:07:42,760
From the way that gorilla looked
at me,

1894
02:07:42,880 --> 02:07:46,470
I knew exactly what she was
thinking while she was gyrating.

1895
02:07:46,600 --> 02:07:48,720
And so you say bananas
are the only thing

1896
02:07:48,850 --> 02:07:51,100
that diverts her mind
from rape and murder?

1897
02:07:51,230 --> 02:07:52,230
Yes, it's uncanny.

1898
02:07:52,350 --> 02:07:54,020
And so are these vegetables.

1899
02:07:54,150 --> 02:07:58,440
These are fresh vegetables from
my garden, not from a can.

1900
02:07:58,570 --> 02:07:59,480
So, come on.

1901
02:07:59,610 --> 02:08:01,530
Eat up and stop your talking.

1902
02:08:01,650 --> 02:08:03,650
Why are you looking
at that door, Toydy?

1903
02:08:08,530 --> 02:08:11,240
It's locked, and I'm curious.

1904
02:08:11,370 --> 02:08:14,660
Curiosity killed the cat.

1905
02:08:14,790 --> 02:08:17,040
A cat's a pussy,
and I'm no pussy!

1906
02:08:17,170 --> 02:08:18,500
ROO:
No.

1907
02:08:18,630 --> 02:08:20,670
But when the time comes
for you to be one,

1908
02:08:20,800 --> 02:08:22,920
I'm sure you'll make do
with what you have.

1909
02:08:23,050 --> 02:08:24,920
Where's Bond?
His food's getting cold.

1910
02:08:25,050 --> 02:08:26,130
So is Willene's.

1911
02:08:26,260 --> 02:08:27,760
Don't worry about Bond.

1912
02:08:27,890 --> 02:08:30,260
I bet his friction
is making his meat real hot.

1913
02:08:30,390 --> 02:08:31,430
I suppose you're right.

1914
02:08:31,560 --> 02:08:35,390
And as for Willene, there's
nothing like a good pounding

1915
02:08:35,520 --> 02:08:37,480
to get your chops tenderized.

1916
02:08:37,610 --> 02:08:41,860
You'll never find
more tender chops than these.

1917
02:08:41,980 --> 02:08:44,860
No, but there's no harm
in looking.

1918
02:08:47,030 --> 02:08:49,660
BOND:
[ Laughs ]

1919
02:08:49,780 --> 02:08:53,200
Wasn't that better
than an elephant syringe?

1920
02:08:53,330 --> 02:08:55,330
WILLENE:
Oh, it sure was.

1921
02:08:55,460 --> 02:08:58,710
It wasn't so much air pumped
in my body.

1922
02:08:58,830 --> 02:09:02,750
BOND: You mean there's just air
in that syringe?

1923
02:09:02,880 --> 02:09:05,970
WILLENE: No, there was seltzer
and milk of magnesia,

1924
02:09:06,090 --> 02:09:08,180
but then seltzer got
too expensive,

1925
02:09:08,300 --> 02:09:10,050
and she started using Fizzies.

1926
02:09:10,180 --> 02:09:12,220
BOND:
Fizzies? What's that?

1927
02:09:12,350 --> 02:09:15,180
WILLENE: Oh, it's kind of
a bubbling Kool-Aid.

1928
02:09:15,310 --> 02:09:16,230
BOND:
Mnh.

1929
02:09:16,350 --> 02:09:18,100
You want I should inject you

1930
02:09:18,230 --> 02:09:20,980
with some more
of my special cocktail mix?

1931
02:09:21,110 --> 02:09:22,650
Sure.
Go ahead, baby.

1932
02:09:22,780 --> 02:09:27,200
The shaker's all ready.

1933
02:09:32,280 --> 02:09:34,950
[ Moaning ]

1934
02:09:37,290 --> 02:09:39,580
I love you, Bond!

1935
02:09:39,710 --> 02:09:42,500
BOND: What about
your songbird husband?

1936
02:09:42,630 --> 02:09:45,960
WILLENE:
Oh, he's hit a sour note.

1937
02:09:48,300 --> 02:09:51,260
BOND: Divorce is
a messy business, Willene.

1938
02:09:51,390 --> 02:09:55,520
WILLENE: Oh, there doesn't
have to be one.

1939
02:09:59,350 --> 02:10:01,560
Marriage can be annulled

1940
02:10:01,690 --> 02:10:06,110
on the grounds that it hasn't
been consummated.

1941
02:10:06,240 --> 02:10:08,610
BOND:
I don't know about that.

1942
02:10:08,740 --> 02:10:12,240
That syringe has opened you up
pretty wide.

1943
02:10:12,370 --> 02:10:13,280
WILLENE:
[ Moans ]

1944
02:10:13,410 --> 02:10:16,700
My brother Edgar, the lawyer
who lives in Kansas City

1945
02:10:16,830 --> 02:10:18,160
with his wife, Flora,

1946
02:10:18,290 --> 02:10:20,750
and their two children,
ages 9 and 13.

1947
02:10:20,870 --> 02:10:23,710
My brother Edgar
could win me that case.

1948
02:10:23,840 --> 02:10:25,590
[ Moans ]

1949
02:10:25,710 --> 02:10:30,050
He'd just tell them while I was
working at Flaherty's Bakery,

1950
02:10:30,180 --> 02:10:35,850
I accidentally squatted
on a loaf on French bread.

1951
02:10:35,970 --> 02:10:38,180
Oh! Oh! Tell me!

1952
02:10:38,310 --> 02:10:39,390
Say it!

1953
02:10:39,520 --> 02:10:42,400
I need a woman
as big and wide as you.

1954
02:10:42,520 --> 02:10:45,900
Everyone else, it's like
squeezing into a pinhole.

1955
02:10:46,030 --> 02:10:48,650
WILLENE:
Oh, and I need you.

1956
02:10:48,780 --> 02:10:53,110
You probably about the closest
in size I'll ever find

1957
02:10:53,240 --> 02:10:56,240
to replace
that elephant syringe.

1958
02:10:56,370 --> 02:11:00,580
Working up some gravy to squirt
on your mashed potatoes?

1959
02:11:00,710 --> 02:11:03,250
Yeah, they're kind of dry.

1960
02:11:03,380 --> 02:11:08,550
Any objections to putting
cream gravy on baked potatoes?

1961
02:11:08,670 --> 02:11:11,260
Yeah, especially when they got
their jackets on.

1962
02:11:12,430 --> 02:11:13,890
Is that better?

1963
02:11:14,010 --> 02:11:17,510
TOYDY: They're kind of starchy.
Why don't you just beat it?

1964
02:11:17,640 --> 02:11:21,270
Well, take your hand away
from it and I will.

1965
02:11:21,390 --> 02:11:23,900
You don't excite me, Roo.

1966
02:11:24,020 --> 02:11:24,770
Why not?

1967
02:11:24,900 --> 02:11:26,110
[ Breathing heavily ]

1968
02:11:26,230 --> 02:11:28,520
You and me,
we're too much alike.

1969
02:11:28,650 --> 02:11:29,980
We're two of a kind

1970
02:11:30,110 --> 02:11:32,530
and negative charges
don't attract each other.

1971
02:11:32,650 --> 02:11:36,160
I don't consider myself
as negative.

1972
02:11:36,280 --> 02:11:41,120
Well, that's what I am --
a great, big, fat minus sign.

1973
02:11:41,250 --> 02:11:43,580
Well, you can say that again.

1974
02:11:43,710 --> 02:11:44,790
[ Keys jingle ]

1975
02:11:44,920 --> 02:11:46,750
Will this change your mind?

1976
02:11:46,880 --> 02:11:48,500
TOYDY:
Where were those keys?

1977
02:11:48,630 --> 02:11:51,760
I found them in the kitchen when
I went to get the horseradish.

1978
02:11:51,880 --> 02:11:55,050
I bet you one of them opens that
locked door in the living room.

1979
02:11:55,180 --> 02:11:56,550
TOYDY:
Give me those keys!

1980
02:11:56,680 --> 02:11:58,180
Not till I get some gravy, baby.

1981
02:11:58,310 --> 02:12:01,430
You want an equal amount
on each potato?

1982
02:12:01,560 --> 02:12:03,230
Forget about potatoes.

1983
02:12:03,350 --> 02:12:07,190
Just concentrate on this piece
of boiled tongue.

1984
02:13:09,710 --> 02:13:12,170
Give it to me.

1985
02:13:26,730 --> 02:13:29,230
Give me those keys.

1986
02:13:29,350 --> 02:13:32,860
Here they are,
and it's very well deserved.

1987
02:13:32,980 --> 02:13:35,110
Perhaps you'll change your mind
about me.

1988
02:13:35,240 --> 02:13:36,440
In what way?

1989
02:13:36,570 --> 02:13:39,740
Birds of a feather
stick together.

1990
02:13:39,870 --> 02:13:42,120
I'm not ready to build no nest.

1991
02:13:42,240 --> 02:13:45,500
But when I do,
I don't want it to be foul.

1992
02:13:45,620 --> 02:13:49,120
ROO:
I can take an insult and a hint.

1993
02:13:49,250 --> 02:13:54,000
But I don't give up so easily.

1994
02:13:54,130 --> 02:13:57,220
Oh, Bond.
Take me away from here.

1995
02:13:57,340 --> 02:14:02,260
I've got a car, money, and a
body, and they're all yours.

1996
02:14:02,390 --> 02:14:06,140
Maybe I can get you a job in my
husband's publicity department

1997
02:14:06,270 --> 02:14:09,310
stamping his signature
on all those 8x10s.

1998
02:14:09,440 --> 02:14:11,020
Stamping his signature?

1999
02:14:11,150 --> 02:14:14,610
I thought you told me
they were all hand signed?

2000
02:14:14,730 --> 02:14:16,030
Well, they are.

2001
02:14:16,150 --> 02:14:17,240
But you'll be needing a job
pretty soon,

2002
02:14:17,360 --> 02:14:20,200
and that's the only labor
I can think of at the moment.

2003
02:14:20,320 --> 02:14:21,280
[ Chuckles ]

2004
02:14:21,410 --> 02:14:23,280
You're good to me, Willene.

2005
02:14:23,410 --> 02:14:26,830
Nobody's ever offered me so much
for so little.

2006
02:14:26,950 --> 02:14:30,830
What you offered me
wasn't little.

2007
02:14:30,960 --> 02:14:33,170
[ Sighs ]

2008
02:14:33,290 --> 02:14:36,170
Let's get dressed
and go eat dinner

2009
02:14:36,300 --> 02:14:39,130
so we can depart
on a full stomach.

2010
02:14:39,260 --> 02:14:43,340
There's complications out there
in the rain, Willene.

2011
02:14:43,470 --> 02:14:47,770
Well, if you truly love me,
you will guide us past them.

2012
02:14:47,890 --> 02:14:53,810
From now on, you're the captain
of the ship I call my life.

2013
02:14:56,610 --> 02:14:58,030
Oh!

2014
02:14:58,150 --> 02:14:59,490
I didn't know there was anyone
standing there.

2015
02:14:59,610 --> 02:15:01,530
Couldn't you smell
the pork chops?

2016
02:15:01,660 --> 02:15:03,860
Yeah.
We didn't smell the rat.

2017
02:15:03,990 --> 02:15:06,530
Boy, that sounds like
our lovesick Chandler.

2018
02:15:06,660 --> 02:15:08,200
There's nothing sick about love.

2019
02:15:08,330 --> 02:15:10,160
Come on.

2020
02:15:10,290 --> 02:15:12,040
Just a minute, muscles.

2021
02:15:12,170 --> 02:15:13,830
I want to talk to you!

2022
02:15:13,960 --> 02:15:16,000
I'll be right with you, Willene.

2023
02:15:16,130 --> 02:15:17,670
Start eating without me!

2024
02:15:17,800 --> 02:15:20,800
Do you want to get out of
this place with that woman?

2025
02:15:20,920 --> 02:15:22,380
Have you been spying on us?

2026
02:15:22,510 --> 02:15:23,680
Spying?

2027
02:15:23,800 --> 02:15:24,550
That's an old story
for this room.

2028
02:15:24,680 --> 02:15:25,970
Now, listen to me, and shut up!

2029
02:15:26,100 --> 02:15:27,600
The only way you
and that girlfriend of yours

2030
02:15:27,720 --> 02:15:29,220
are gonna get out of here

2031
02:15:29,350 --> 02:15:32,520
is by flinging bananas
at that gorilla to distract him.

2032
02:15:32,640 --> 02:15:33,980
Who told you that?

2033
02:15:34,100 --> 02:15:36,520
That guy at the circus.
He wasn't kidding.

2034
02:15:36,650 --> 02:15:38,980
That gorilla
is a sex-crazed killer!

2035
02:15:39,110 --> 02:15:40,690
Well, what's that got to do
with me?

2036
02:15:40,820 --> 02:15:42,950
TOYDY: Well, don't you
and that little lady

2037
02:15:43,070 --> 02:15:44,200
want to get out of here?

2038
02:15:44,320 --> 02:15:45,870
Yeah, very much.
She loves me.

2039
02:15:45,990 --> 02:15:48,120
That's sweet and touching.

2040
02:15:48,240 --> 02:15:51,370
It just so happens that I've got
a crate of bananas.

2041
02:15:51,500 --> 02:15:54,540
BOND: Where the heck did you get
a crate of bananas from?

2042
02:15:54,670 --> 02:15:58,000
I had two crates, but I burned
one up in a car accident.

2043
02:15:58,130 --> 02:16:00,210
I was hitchhiking to Sioux City,

2044
02:16:00,340 --> 02:16:02,470
and I swiped them
off this truck.

2045
02:16:02,590 --> 02:16:05,590
But I'll let you in on it,
though.

2046
02:16:05,720 --> 02:16:08,140
I'll give you the bananas,
for a price.

2047
02:16:08,260 --> 02:16:09,890
You know I got no money.

2048
02:16:10,020 --> 02:16:12,640
All your wealth is in your body.

2049
02:16:12,770 --> 02:16:14,600
And I want your body.

2050
02:16:14,730 --> 02:16:16,600
You drive a real hard bargain.

2051
02:16:16,730 --> 02:16:18,610
That's just what I want to do.

2052
02:16:18,730 --> 02:16:21,280
I want to drive it real hard
into you.

2053
02:16:21,400 --> 02:16:25,240
Listen, give me a second
to think it over, huh, Toydy?

2054
02:16:25,360 --> 02:16:27,370
Why don't you loosen
your trousers up

2055
02:16:27,490 --> 02:16:29,910
and give yourself
a little more room to think?

2056
02:16:30,040 --> 02:16:32,910
You've told us about a whole
assortment of people, Bing.

2057
02:16:33,040 --> 02:16:35,250
But you've told us nothing
about yourself.

2058
02:16:35,370 --> 02:16:36,920
Get off my back, mister.

2059
02:16:37,040 --> 02:16:39,380
He's not trying to get on it,
not after meeting me.

2060
02:16:39,500 --> 02:16:40,880
I think you're holding
something back.

2061
02:16:41,000 --> 02:16:42,000
Listen, young fellow!

2062
02:16:42,130 --> 02:16:43,710
If the food didn't agree
with you,

2063
02:16:43,840 --> 02:16:45,300
I got a toilet
just down the hallway.

2064
02:16:45,430 --> 02:16:46,630
Now, don't be shy.

2065
02:16:46,760 --> 02:16:49,720
Come on, Bing!
Let's have it out now!

2066
02:16:49,850 --> 02:16:51,350
Not in my living room,
you don't!

2067
02:16:51,470 --> 02:16:52,810
Gert, please.
I'm eating!

2068
02:16:52,930 --> 02:16:54,230
Let's have it, Bing.

2069
02:16:54,350 --> 02:16:56,230
All right, God damn it!
All right!

2070
02:16:56,350 --> 02:16:57,690
It wasn't an accident!

2071
02:16:57,810 --> 02:16:59,520
I ran that truck off the road
on purpose!

2072
02:16:59,650 --> 02:17:00,770
But why?

2073
02:17:00,900 --> 02:17:04,400
Because I couldn't see
those animals suffer anymore

2074
02:17:04,530 --> 02:17:06,110
and me along with them.

2075
02:17:06,240 --> 02:17:07,280
Suicide?

2076
02:17:07,410 --> 02:17:09,620
Yes.
We were on our way

2077
02:17:09,740 --> 02:17:11,780
to St. Barnaby's School
for Crippled Children.

2078
02:17:11,910 --> 02:17:13,450
GERT:
In Nebraska City?

2079
02:17:13,580 --> 02:17:15,080
That's right!

2080
02:17:15,210 --> 02:17:16,710
Have you ever been there
when the circus was in town?!

2081
02:17:16,830 --> 02:17:17,960
Did you ever see the kids poking
at the animals

2082
02:17:18,080 --> 02:17:19,670
with their crutches?!

2083
02:17:19,790 --> 02:17:23,550
Have you ever seen an ostrich
run down by a wheelchair?!

2084
02:17:23,670 --> 02:17:26,340
Did you ever hear
what it sounds like

2085
02:17:26,470 --> 02:17:28,470
to hear a tiger's head crushed

2086
02:17:28,590 --> 02:17:31,550
by the blows of a broken arm
in a cast?!

2087
02:17:31,680 --> 02:17:32,970
Lord have mercy!

2088
02:17:33,100 --> 02:17:35,350
If it was an attempt
at a mercy killing,

2089
02:17:35,480 --> 02:17:37,890
why did you try
and kill yourself, as well?

2090
02:17:38,020 --> 02:17:41,650
Because God help me!

2091
02:17:41,770 --> 02:17:44,860
I have the hots
for that gorilla!

2092
02:17:44,990 --> 02:17:49,740
No woman has ever satisfied me
like she has.

2093
02:17:49,870 --> 02:17:53,240
Lord have mercy on your soul.

2094
02:17:53,370 --> 02:17:55,870
I've tried to forget her,
but I can't.

2095
02:17:56,000 --> 02:17:58,250
It's killing me.

2096
02:17:58,370 --> 02:17:59,460
I want her.

2097
02:17:59,580 --> 02:18:02,080
Yeah, I know that it's wrong.

2098
02:18:02,210 --> 02:18:04,000
Easy, kid! Easy!

2099
02:18:04,130 --> 02:18:07,050
They say that all is fair
in love and war.

2100
02:18:07,170 --> 02:18:08,880
Take it from there.

2101
02:18:09,010 --> 02:18:11,680
Sash, give him another drink.

2102
02:18:11,800 --> 02:18:14,470
I'm gonna go check on Bond.

2103
02:18:14,600 --> 02:18:17,480
Here, you tortured soul.

2104
02:18:17,600 --> 02:18:19,270
Drink this up

2105
02:18:19,390 --> 02:18:23,440
with the knowledge
that you may be the beauty

2106
02:18:23,570 --> 02:18:26,190
to soothe that savage beast.

2107
02:18:29,780 --> 02:18:33,490
Well, kid.
What's the answer?

2108
02:18:33,620 --> 02:18:36,200
You better use this.

2109
02:18:36,330 --> 02:18:39,160
I had a feeling it would come
in handy sometime.

2110
02:18:51,180 --> 02:18:54,640
Hey, take it easy,
will you, Toydy?

2111
02:18:54,760 --> 02:19:00,020
Remember, I'm used to giving it,
not getting it.

2112
02:19:01,560 --> 02:19:04,690
The slower the better,
beautiful.

2113
02:19:04,820 --> 02:19:12,820
[ Tribal music plays ]

2114
02:22:25,430 --> 02:22:28,140
You should really wait
at least two hours after eating

2115
02:22:28,270 --> 02:22:30,440
before indulging
in any vigorous exercise.

2116
02:22:30,560 --> 02:22:32,690
Get the hell out of here,
Chandler!

2117
02:22:32,810 --> 02:22:34,230
Not on your life, Bond.

2118
02:22:34,360 --> 02:22:37,690
I've been waiting
a long, long time for this one.

2119
02:22:37,820 --> 02:22:39,280
Here.

2120
02:22:40,530 --> 02:22:42,030
Have a whiff of this.

2121
02:22:42,160 --> 02:22:45,280
It may get you more
into the festivities.

2122
02:22:48,580 --> 02:22:51,960
You said you wanted to hear
about my wife's love life,

2123
02:22:52,080 --> 02:22:53,170
didn't you, Bond?

2124
02:22:53,290 --> 02:22:57,590
Yeah. Sure. Tell me.

2125
02:22:57,710 --> 02:23:01,800
My wife, Sarah Lou Phillips,

2126
02:23:01,930 --> 02:23:05,350
used to have me undress alone
in the living room

2127
02:23:05,470 --> 02:23:07,010
with the lights off.

2128
02:23:08,310 --> 02:23:10,600
And then she'd have me
fold myself up

2129
02:23:10,730 --> 02:23:14,150
into the Castro Convertible
that her mother had bought us.

2130
02:23:14,270 --> 02:23:17,690
And then she'd want me
to close myself in

2131
02:23:17,820 --> 02:23:19,320
like a human sardine sandwich.

2132
02:23:19,440 --> 02:23:21,150
TOYDY:
Sound good, doesn't it, Bond?

2133
02:23:21,280 --> 02:23:22,820
Oh, yeah. Great!

2134
02:23:22,950 --> 02:23:24,280
That's great.

2135
02:23:24,410 --> 02:23:28,040
Then she'd come in,
turn on the light,

2136
02:23:28,160 --> 02:23:30,160
unfold the Castro Convertible,

2137
02:23:30,290 --> 02:23:34,250
and there'd be a parakeet
on her finger.

2138
02:23:36,250 --> 02:23:39,550
Then, when I was stiff
from all the massaging,

2139
02:23:39,670 --> 02:23:41,340
she'd have me kneel on the bed.

2140
02:23:41,470 --> 02:23:43,220
And she'd bring
the parakeet over

2141
02:23:43,340 --> 02:23:45,640
and put it on my pecker
as if it were a perch.

2142
02:23:45,760 --> 02:23:47,550
BOND: Go faster, Chandler!
Faster!

2143
02:23:47,680 --> 02:23:51,060
TOYDY: Hurry up. Hurry up!
I feel a punch line coming!

2144
02:23:51,180 --> 02:23:54,270
Then she'd lay on her back,
underneath my pecker,

2145
02:23:54,400 --> 02:23:57,020
lay on her back
with her mouth open.

2146
02:23:57,150 --> 02:23:58,150
Go ahead! Go ahead!

2147
02:23:58,270 --> 02:24:01,440
And then the goddamn parakeet
drops a stool into her mouth,

2148
02:24:01,570 --> 02:24:02,530
and she swallowed it!

2149
02:24:02,650 --> 02:24:03,780
-Ugh!
-[ Laughs ]

2150
02:24:07,530 --> 02:24:10,040
[ Crying ]

2151
02:24:25,470 --> 02:24:28,260
[ Sighs ]

2152
02:24:30,140 --> 02:24:33,270
Bond!
What's the meaning of this?

2153
02:24:33,390 --> 02:24:36,940
I was just receiving
our passport out of this place.

2154
02:24:37,060 --> 02:24:39,570
If that kind of passport
sends you,

2155
02:24:39,690 --> 02:24:41,280
then I'm afraid you're
just gonna have to go along

2156
02:24:41,400 --> 02:24:42,280
without me.

2157
02:24:42,400 --> 02:24:43,860
The crate's all yours, kid!

2158
02:24:43,990 --> 02:24:45,320
I'm sorry to see you go.

2159
02:24:45,450 --> 02:24:47,490
No more sorry than I am
to see you come.

2160
02:24:47,620 --> 02:24:49,320
What crate
are you talking about?

2161
02:24:49,450 --> 02:24:51,950
There's a crate of bananas
behind the sofa.

2162
02:24:52,080 --> 02:24:55,120
Your boyfriend bargained
his butt off for that fruit.

2163
02:24:55,250 --> 02:24:56,960
It's usually
the other way around.

2164
02:24:57,080 --> 02:24:59,540
Fruits are always bargaining off
their butts for me.

2165
02:24:59,670 --> 02:25:02,670
Well, I'm glad I was here
for the historic occasion.

2166
02:25:02,800 --> 02:25:06,800
Well, Willene,
now all you and Bond have to do

2167
02:25:06,930 --> 02:25:09,510
is run out those doors
with the crate of bananas.

2168
02:25:09,640 --> 02:25:14,520
And if the gorilla follows,
then just toss him a bunch.

2169
02:25:14,640 --> 02:25:16,890
[ Sighs ]

2170
02:25:17,020 --> 02:25:19,480
You did that for me?

2171
02:25:19,610 --> 02:25:20,980
That's no big deal.

2172
02:25:21,110 --> 02:25:22,820
Besides, I need that job.

2173
02:25:22,940 --> 02:25:24,480
I saw Toydy's naked body,

2174
02:25:24,610 --> 02:25:27,570
so don't go telling me
it wasn't any big deal.

2175
02:25:27,700 --> 02:25:30,660
There's no greater love
that a man can show a woman

2176
02:25:30,780 --> 02:25:33,410
than to give his body
to the enemy.

2177
02:25:33,540 --> 02:25:35,580
[ Thunder crashes ]

2178
02:25:39,130 --> 02:25:41,670
Ah, come on, Willene.

2179
02:25:41,790 --> 02:25:45,920
I had to get broken in sometime.

2180
02:25:48,340 --> 02:25:52,140
This way, if things
don't work out with you,

2181
02:25:52,260 --> 02:25:56,230
maybe something will click
with your husband.

2182
02:25:57,810 --> 02:26:01,360
It's a good thing I had it
stashed away in the attic.

2183
02:26:01,480 --> 02:26:03,690
The smell of mothballs
is stifling.

2184
02:26:03,820 --> 02:26:06,190
If you think that's strong,
wait until you smell Medusa.

2185
02:26:06,320 --> 02:26:07,950
What the hell is going on here?

2186
02:26:08,070 --> 02:26:10,660
That's my wedding dress,
Chandler.

2187
02:26:10,780 --> 02:26:13,410
There's going be a marriage
at Prairie Blossom.

2188
02:26:13,530 --> 02:26:16,330
Don't you think we'd better cut
the top off, Gert,

2189
02:26:16,450 --> 02:26:19,290
so that when she comes in, she
won't mistake him for a woman?

2190
02:26:19,420 --> 02:26:20,710
-Well, who's she?
-I'm a he.

2191
02:26:20,830 --> 02:26:23,380
I know what you are, Bing, but
who's the she that's coming in?

2192
02:26:23,500 --> 02:26:25,050
Tell me when to open the door.

2193
02:26:25,170 --> 02:26:27,210
-Open the door for who?
-The gorilla.

2194
02:26:27,340 --> 02:26:29,720
Evidently, true love
cannot be quashed

2195
02:26:29,840 --> 02:26:33,050
by religious
or traditional taboos.

2196
02:26:33,180 --> 02:26:36,390
Bing has expressed his love
for the gorilla.

2197
02:26:36,520 --> 02:26:40,520
And she, in turn, has pursued
him across four continents

2198
02:26:40,650 --> 02:26:43,150
and will not be tamed
until she gets him.

2199
02:26:43,270 --> 02:26:44,940
I can sympathize with her.

2200
02:26:46,650 --> 02:26:48,530
So, when everything is ready,
we'll all --

2201
02:26:48,650 --> 02:26:49,740
BOND:
Hey, everybody!

2202
02:26:49,860 --> 02:26:52,490
There is something scraping and
snorting by the outside door.

2203
02:26:52,620 --> 02:26:55,660
That's it.
We'll all hide in the shadows,

2204
02:26:55,790 --> 02:26:58,160
and I'll go out and open
the outside door.

2205
02:26:58,290 --> 02:27:00,040
And then, when the ape sees Bing

2206
02:27:00,160 --> 02:27:03,500
standing in the brightly lit
doorway with white clothes on,

2207
02:27:03,630 --> 02:27:05,000
she'll come in.

2208
02:27:05,130 --> 02:27:06,170
And that's when we all run out!

2209
02:27:06,300 --> 02:27:08,050
What about
those goddamn bananas?

2210
02:27:08,170 --> 02:27:09,340
I've got a crate of bananas.

2211
02:27:09,470 --> 02:27:11,590
After she sees Bing,
she won't need them.

2212
02:27:11,720 --> 02:27:12,630
Bing's top banana.

2213
02:27:12,760 --> 02:27:14,340
I'll believe that when I see it.

2214
02:27:14,470 --> 02:27:18,850
The bananas can remain here
as a wedding gift, if you wish.

2215
02:27:18,980 --> 02:27:20,850
You really gave me the shaft,
Mack.

2216
02:27:20,980 --> 02:27:22,480
The pleasure was all mine.

2217
02:27:22,600 --> 02:27:23,730
And what about you, Gert?

2218
02:27:23,860 --> 02:27:25,230
Where are you going to run to?

2219
02:27:25,360 --> 02:27:27,900
I'm running nowhere.

2220
02:27:28,030 --> 02:27:29,990
It's been a long time

2221
02:27:30,110 --> 02:27:34,110
since this house
has seen happiness and love.

2222
02:27:34,240 --> 02:27:39,580
Once, these walls did echo
with the gayest of laughter.

2223
02:27:39,700 --> 02:27:46,540
But that was when my husband
was alive and my son existed.

2224
02:27:46,670 --> 02:27:53,760
It is my honor now to be hostess
to a courageous man

2225
02:27:53,890 --> 02:28:00,180
and the animal he loves and
who also shares his sentiment.

2226
02:28:00,310 --> 02:28:04,060
She's in no danger
as long as Medusa sees me first.

2227
02:28:04,190 --> 02:28:06,940
After I've given myself
to the gorilla again,

2228
02:28:07,070 --> 02:28:10,280
I expect great psychological
transformations to occur

2229
02:28:10,400 --> 02:28:12,070
in the skull of that primate.

2230
02:28:12,200 --> 02:28:13,360
You'll see.

2231
02:28:13,490 --> 02:28:15,950
[ Thunder rumbling ]

2232
02:28:16,070 --> 02:28:17,700
Get back in there
with those others.

2233
02:28:17,830 --> 02:28:19,740
Whatever loot
she's hiding in here is mine.

2234
02:28:19,870 --> 02:28:21,540
Like hell it is.

2235
02:28:21,660 --> 02:28:24,160
If I hadn't gone in the kitchen
for that horseradish,

2236
02:28:24,290 --> 02:28:26,080
you never would have got
those keys.

2237
02:28:26,210 --> 02:28:27,880
Look, you got your horseradish

2238
02:28:28,000 --> 02:28:29,800
and you got an extra helping
of creamed gravy.

2239
02:28:29,920 --> 02:28:31,130
What the hell else do you want?

2240
02:28:31,260 --> 02:28:32,130
A chicken in every pot

2241
02:28:32,260 --> 02:28:33,840
and creamed gravy
seven nights a week.

2242
02:28:33,970 --> 02:28:35,880
TOYDY: I found it.
I found the key! I found it!

2243
02:28:36,010 --> 02:28:37,550
ROO:
Aah!

2244
02:28:39,140 --> 02:28:41,560
You see, there's really no sense
in fighting

2245
02:28:41,680 --> 02:28:42,850
if you only live once.

2246
02:28:42,980 --> 02:28:47,190
Oh, it will be a pleasure
to cater to your honeymoon

2247
02:28:47,310 --> 02:28:50,230
with bananas, bonbons,
and a change of linens!

2248
02:28:50,360 --> 02:28:52,980
-[ Roo screams ]
-Oh!

2249
02:28:53,110 --> 02:28:55,030
TOYDY:
Lay low! Lay low!

2250
02:28:55,150 --> 02:28:57,450
ROO:
His testicles are enormous!

2251
02:28:57,570 --> 02:29:00,330
[ Indistinct shouting ]

2252
02:29:06,000 --> 02:29:07,210
WILLENE:
Who was that?!

2253
02:29:07,330 --> 02:29:10,500
He who does not exist.

2254
02:29:10,630 --> 02:29:13,210
TOYDY:
Let me out! Let me out!

2255
02:29:13,340 --> 02:29:16,430
Let me out of here!
God have mercy!

2256
02:29:19,760 --> 02:29:22,430
Oh, my God!
It's her!

2257
02:29:22,560 --> 02:29:24,390
-The gorilla!
-She busted down the door!

2258
02:29:24,520 --> 02:29:26,060
Oh, Chandler!
What do we do?!

2259
02:29:26,190 --> 02:29:29,900
When she smashes her way in,
we'll make a dash for freedom.

2260
02:29:30,020 --> 02:29:32,900
[ Maniacal laughter ]

2261
02:29:44,830 --> 02:29:48,750
Will you take this man to be
your lawfully wedded husband?

2262
02:29:48,880 --> 02:29:51,040
Run!

2263
02:29:51,170 --> 02:29:55,050
In sickness and in health.

2264
02:29:55,170 --> 02:30:00,390
Till death do us part.

2265
02:30:04,810 --> 02:30:07,270
I told a lie.

2266
02:30:07,390 --> 02:30:09,770
A little white lie.

2267
02:30:09,900 --> 02:30:12,060
[ Roo screaming ]

2268
02:30:12,190 --> 02:30:16,490
You see, he does exist
behind this door.

2269
02:30:16,610 --> 02:30:20,820
But not out here
in the world of sanity.

2270
02:30:20,950 --> 02:30:26,240
Behold thy marriage chamber
and thy mate for eternity.

2271
02:30:26,370 --> 02:30:28,750
[ Shouting and pounding ]

2272
02:30:31,080 --> 02:30:34,250
[ Maniacal laughter ]

2273
02:30:51,230 --> 02:30:54,060
[ Muffled laughter continues ]

2274
02:30:54,190 --> 02:30:56,070
[ Medusa snorting ]

2275
02:30:56,190 --> 02:30:58,240
[ Thunder crashing ]

2276
02:31:28,140 --> 02:31:31,480
The parasites that have sucked
the juices from your body

2277
02:31:31,600 --> 02:31:34,480
have not all belonged
to the insect population.

2278
02:31:34,610 --> 02:31:37,820
Many shrewd businessmen
have fattened their wallets

2279
02:31:37,940 --> 02:31:42,030
by exhibiting your animalism.

2280
02:31:42,150 --> 02:31:45,240
It's not my wallet
that I want fattened.

2281
02:31:45,370 --> 02:31:47,870
It's you.

2282
02:31:47,990 --> 02:31:52,910
Fattened with our first child.

2283
02:31:53,040 --> 02:31:56,380
Our first newborn child.

2284
02:31:56,500 --> 02:32:03,170
The first of a race of supermen.

2285
02:32:07,390 --> 02:32:08,890
[ Laughing continues ]

2286
02:32:09,020 --> 02:32:11,730
[ Roo screaming ]

2287
02:32:14,270 --> 02:32:16,770
TOYDY:
For God's sake have mercy!

2288
02:32:16,900 --> 02:32:19,940
God has no mercy!

2289
02:32:20,070 --> 02:32:23,030
You see what he's done
to my son!

2290
02:32:23,150 --> 02:32:28,160
Gerald had gone to Borneo to
collect some erotic artifacts.

2291
02:32:28,280 --> 02:32:32,200
That was all --
a harmless excursion

2292
02:32:32,330 --> 02:32:36,710
into the steaming tropics
in the name of art.

2293
02:32:36,830 --> 02:32:43,510
But he was smitten with a vile
and swelling tropical disorder.

2294
02:32:43,630 --> 02:32:47,800
A malignancy
of glandular grotesqueness

2295
02:32:47,930 --> 02:32:50,890
that struck at the very root
of his manhood.

2296
02:32:51,020 --> 02:32:53,730
[ Thunder crashes ]

2297
02:32:53,850 --> 02:32:56,900
You see him now

2298
02:32:57,020 --> 02:33:02,780
at the pinnacle of his disorder,

2299
02:33:02,900 --> 02:33:09,030
repulsive to both man
and woman alike.

2300
02:33:10,030 --> 02:33:14,370
And what is more important --

2301
02:33:14,500 --> 02:33:18,380
repulsive to himself.

2302
02:33:19,710 --> 02:33:23,210
So self-revolting,

2303
02:33:23,340 --> 02:33:28,390
his mind became unbalanced.

2304
02:33:29,010 --> 02:33:34,350
Knowing that the one thing
that made his life worth living

2305
02:33:34,480 --> 02:33:41,520
was being crushed by the weight
of his own testicles.

2306
02:33:43,690 --> 02:33:49,160
For his safety and mine

2307
02:33:49,280 --> 02:33:54,040
and for the safety
of Beulah and Pinky,

2308
02:33:54,160 --> 02:33:58,670
I had to lock him up
behind this door!

2309
02:34:00,000 --> 02:34:07,470
The weight of that malignancy
on our fragile bodies

2310
02:34:07,590 --> 02:34:14,310
would have crushed
the very life out of us.

2311
02:34:16,100 --> 02:34:19,890
You two are strong.

2312
02:34:20,020 --> 02:34:23,650
You'll survive.

2313
02:34:23,770 --> 02:34:29,400
You'll give Gerald
a taste of the sweetness

2314
02:34:29,530 --> 02:34:32,950
that was once his whole life.

2315
02:34:33,080 --> 02:34:36,620
You'll survive.

2316
02:34:36,750 --> 02:34:39,660
And I pity you!

2317
02:34:39,790 --> 02:34:42,830
[ Maniacal laughter ]

2318
02:34:48,010 --> 02:34:49,220
The storm is over,

2319
02:34:49,340 --> 02:34:51,800
and God has given me
the sun and you

2320
02:34:51,930 --> 02:34:54,640
on this, the first morning
of our lives.

2321
02:34:54,760 --> 02:34:57,720
Now, don't you go putting
all your eggs in one basket,

2322
02:34:57,850 --> 02:34:59,100
Willene.

2323
02:34:59,230 --> 02:35:03,520
I've got my hand in your basket,
and it feels nice and firm.

2324
02:35:03,650 --> 02:35:06,520
-Yeah?
-I'm not worried about no eggs.

2325
02:35:06,650 --> 02:35:09,740
Well, just as long as you don't
go losing your marbles over me.

2326
02:35:09,860 --> 02:35:12,490
I'm young, and I'm restless.

2327
02:35:12,620 --> 02:35:13,950
And I'm not to be trusted.

2328
02:35:14,070 --> 02:35:16,830
A lot of energy in this body,
Willene,

2329
02:35:16,950 --> 02:35:20,250
and it hops around
from bed to bed like a flea.

2330
02:35:20,370 --> 02:35:22,170
To be bit by a lovebug like me

2331
02:35:22,290 --> 02:35:24,670
could be a pretty scratchy
situation.

2332
02:35:24,790 --> 02:35:26,130
I don't care, my love.

2333
02:35:26,250 --> 02:35:29,880
All I ask is that when I start
itching, you start scratching.

2334
02:35:30,010 --> 02:35:32,590
Bond?

2335
02:35:32,720 --> 02:35:34,390
Yes?

2336
02:35:34,510 --> 02:35:35,760
I'm starting to itch.

2337
02:35:35,890 --> 02:35:37,850
Where do you want me to scratch?

2338
02:35:39,100 --> 02:35:42,690
The rain is stopping, Chandler.

2339
02:35:42,810 --> 02:35:46,690
Perhaps the road to Texas
will not be muddy.

2340
02:35:46,820 --> 02:35:50,280
Do you see that sliver
of rosy light over there?

2341
02:35:50,400 --> 02:35:52,570
That's where we're going, Sash.

2342
02:35:52,700 --> 02:35:57,160
We're getting out of the mud
and into a bed of roses.

2343
02:35:57,280 --> 02:35:59,990
That rosy light is the dawn,
Chandler.

2344
02:36:00,120 --> 02:36:02,120
Texas is to the south, not east.

2345
02:36:02,250 --> 02:36:06,170
My heart is towards the east,
towards the glow of a new day --

2346
02:36:06,290 --> 02:36:10,340
a day without vengeance
and a day without hate.

2347
02:36:10,460 --> 02:36:12,920
Will your heart lead you
to that bed of roses,

2348
02:36:13,050 --> 02:36:14,630
or are you relying on your nose?

2349
02:36:14,760 --> 02:36:17,760
I'm relying on the sign
we just passed.

2350
02:36:17,890 --> 02:36:24,270
Rose Haven Motel,
6 miles east down Route 18.

2351
02:36:24,400 --> 02:36:29,020
That's where we'll find our bed,
Sash.

2352
02:36:36,030 --> 02:36:39,910
I'm pouring myself a drink,
Charlie!

2353
02:36:40,040 --> 02:36:44,500
Only, it ain't to forget
my loneliness.

2354
02:36:44,620 --> 02:36:47,040
We have company now.

2355
02:36:47,170 --> 02:36:50,750
And the house
is full of human voices.

2356
02:36:50,880 --> 02:36:53,880
Like it was 15 years ago.

2357
02:36:54,010 --> 02:36:55,220
[ Medusa grunts ]

2358
02:36:55,340 --> 02:36:56,970
[ Bing groaning ]

2359
02:36:57,090 --> 02:37:01,060
There are also the voices
of the inhuman

2360
02:37:01,180 --> 02:37:04,060
and those that suffer.

2361
02:37:04,180 --> 02:37:07,020
But they suffer no more.

2362
02:37:07,150 --> 02:37:09,810
[ Thudding ]

2363
02:37:09,940 --> 02:37:11,770
Ahh!

2364
02:37:14,450 --> 02:37:20,660
Remind me to go shopping today
for some chopped meat,

2365
02:37:20,780 --> 02:37:26,080
vegetables, milk, and honey.

2366
02:37:26,210 --> 02:37:29,580
And I'll need
at least three dozen bananas

2367
02:37:29,710 --> 02:37:32,960
and some heads of lettuce.

2368
02:37:33,090 --> 02:37:36,880
And, of course, my cucumbers.

2369
02:37:37,010 --> 02:37:40,800
I mustn't forget my cucumbers.

2370
02:37:40,930 --> 02:37:44,470
People come and go,

2371
02:37:44,600 --> 02:37:49,690
but the cucumbers must stay.

2372
02:37:55,280 --> 02:37:59,950
Join me in a toast, Charlie.

2373
02:38:03,120 --> 02:38:10,120
A toast to love and happiness.

2374
02:38:10,250 --> 02:38:15,420
And to a life that won't go sour

2375
02:38:15,550 --> 02:38:21,050
and turn every cucumber
into a pickle.

2376
02:38:30,690 --> 02:38:32,650
[ Sighs ]

2377
02:38:36,530 --> 02:38:39,110
[ Rooster crowing ]

2377
02:38:40,305 --> 02:39:40,568
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