1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:02,440
You're trending. That's fantastic!

2
00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:04,360
No, I think it's probably got
something to do with the fact

3
00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:05,720
that you retweeted a white supremacist.

4
00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:08,760
I'm pretty sure that I'm your son.

5
00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:10,160
There's no way I could be your father.

6
00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:12,120
I mean, it was only a couple of times.

7
00:00:12,120 --> 00:00:14,960
So I wondered if you might be
willing to take a DNA test.

8
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:18,160
It's a card for Austin to come
to London with us tomorrow.

9
00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:19,440
I'm going to Great Britain!

10
00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:22,120
I've got to pack.
Where's my dinner jacket? Is it pressed?

11
00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:23,240
"Game of Scones.

12
00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:24,560
"Doing Britain on the Spectrum.

13
00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:26,240
"A book by Austin Hogan."

14
00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:27,560
He's nothing like me. No.

15
00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:29,520
Mind you, we haven't got the
results of the DNA test yet,

16
00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:31,440
so no, he isn't my son after all. (LAUGHS)

17
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:32,720
Different PR though, right?

18
00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:35,280
I deeply regret what I
said in the documentary.

19
00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:37,720
My statements did not
reflect my true feelings.

20
00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:39,920
Wasn't the documentary
your path to redemption?

21
00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:41,760
It doesn't matter because
I'm changing career.

22
00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:43,720
I'm going into publishing.

23
00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:48,560
I have found a book that I quite
like by an emerging writer.

24
00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:50,520
It's got a very refreshing
and distinctive voice.

25
00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:52,760
(PHONE CHIMES)

26
00:00:54,000 --> 00:01:00,074
Support us and become VIP member 
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org

27
00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:08,640
(PHONE CHIMES)

28
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,760
Ooh.

29
00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:29,080
Hi.

30
00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:30,080
Oh...

31
00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:31,160
Mmm!

32
00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,640
It was really nice of Dad to
come and support the exhibition

33
00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:35,160
last night, wasn't it?

34
00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:37,120
Define support. He was very late.

35
00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:38,840
Yeah, he was probably very shy.

36
00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:42,280
That naked drawing of him is not flattering.

37
00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:44,040
No, it is. Believe me.

38
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,880
Mum, when are you going to come
back into the house, leave the shed?

39
00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:48,200
Why would I do that?

40
00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:50,200
I've got my independence.

41
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:53,280
Celebrate with me, daughter,
for I am coming into my power.

42
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,880
Mum, you're sleeping in a shed.

43
00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:56,640
Don't see how that's a power move.

44
00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:58,520
It's a cradle of creativity.

45
00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:02,080
So, Olivia saw you in the garden
centre and she said, and I quote,

46
00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:04,040
"You were giving gnomecore."

47
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,360
That's good, right?

48
00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:08,800
No, look, maybe Dad isn't so bad.

49
00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:10,480
Maybe there's more pluses than minuses.

50
00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:12,680
Well, let's put that to the test, shall we?

51
00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:15,840
I will keep a tally over
the next sort of day or so,

52
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:18,040
and we'll see how he performs.

53
00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:19,640
It's a bit weird.

54
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:20,920
Is it weird or is it thorough?

55
00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:22,640
I mean, the thing is, Flo,

56
00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:25,240
I don't know that I actually need him.

57
00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:27,800
Why do we actually need men, Flo?

58
00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:29,080
I mean, what are they for?

59
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,320
You know, apart from opening jam jars.

60
00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:32,760
Maybe what I really need

61
00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:35,600
is to move into a commune
of other women over 50

62
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:40,280
who all, you know, are emotionally
intelligent and share the load.

63
00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:41,640
Yeah, and like sing.

64
00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:45,440
Well, yeah, no, and also useful things,
like stack the dishwasher.

65
00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:46,640
I stack the dishwasher.

66
00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:48,600
Big news, by the way. Mm-hm?

67
00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:51,000
I'm not his father.

68
00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,520
What did you say?

69
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:54,400
Austin. I'm not his dad.

70
00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:56,040
DNA tests came back last night.

71
00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:59,320
Negative, not related.

72
00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:05,640
Oh, my God.

73
00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:08,560
Sorry, so I don't have a brother?

74
00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:09,560
Oh, no.

75
00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:10,800
(CHUCKLES)

76
00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,440
I'm so sorry, Flo.

77
00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:13,480
Why? It's good news for her.

78
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:16,320
You know, the house, Granny's jewellery.

79
00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:19,000
Julian, are you having any
feelings about this at all?

80
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:21,760
Of course, yeah.
I'm experiencing quite a lot of relief.

81
00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:23,120
He's processing.

82
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,280
He's just...
his feelings are just coming in the post.

83
00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:26,920
Yeah, and not by airmail.

84
00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:29,640
When you think about it,
it's quite a funny story.

85
00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:32,240
Austin's going to be
completely floored by this.

86
00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:34,520
I mean, you're really important to him.

87
00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:36,640
I mean, not as important as buses,
admittedly,

88
00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:38,160
but I mean, you're still important.

89
00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:40,280
No, no, I know. I know. Yeah.

90
00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:42,040
Dad, how are you going to break this to him?

91
00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:43,240
Probably by text.

92
00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:45,120
I was thinking verbally?

93
00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:46,480
Yeah. OK.

94
00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:47,800
Face-to-face, he's earned that. Hm?

95
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:51,200
Yeah, I mean, you could start
with something good and positive,

96
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,720
and then the bad news,
and then something else good.

97
00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:55,800
You know, your standard bombshell sandwich.

98
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,080
I like it.

99
00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:59,920
Yeah, so, "Hey, Austin, I've really
enjoyed having you to stay with us.

100
00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:01,560
"Also, you're not my son.

101
00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:03,880
"Also, great shoes."

102
00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:05,440
Maybe needs a bit of finessing, but...

103
00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:07,280
Ah, you do, don't you? Yeah.

104
00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:11,480
Julian, could you open that jam jar for me?

105
00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:13,920
What? I've just put on hand cream.

106
00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:39,640
(PHONE CHIMES)

107
00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:41,960
Oh, look, from Austin.

108
00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:44,840
Oh, DNA results in.

109
00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:46,560
"Julian not father"?

110
00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:49,280
What the hell?

111
00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:50,360
Oh! (PHONE CLATTERS)

112
00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:52,640
I just had that fixed.

113
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:55,600
Did you hear that, Daddy?

114
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,200
Can you text him, please?

115
00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:58,480
Ask him what he means.

116
00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:00,520
My phone's in my luggage.

117
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:01,680
What? Why would I need it?

118
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:05,240
I'm about to have 250 hours
of on-demand viewing, 4K.

119
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:07,680
"Julian not father"?

120
00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:08,880
Keep your voice down, love.

121
00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:10,800
We'll be the talk of the premium lounge.

122
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,760
OK, let's do the maths.

123
00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:19,800
The female gestation period is what?

124
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,280
20 weeks, 25?

125
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,200
It's 40 weeks, Dad.

126
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,440
Are you serious?

127
00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,400
That's the best part of a year.

128
00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:30,480
My hat's off to you girls.
That's a commitment.

129
00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:33,880
Look, Dad, as much as I'd like
to while away the next two hours

130
00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:36,240
doing the maths around my sexual encounters,

131
00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:38,480
there's no need to.

132
00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:41,800
It can't be this other guy. I think.

133
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:42,920
You think?

134
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,960
I don't know, Dad. It was a long time ago.

135
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,840
Also,
those little guys can hang around in there.

136
00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:49,880
It's the survivors that make it.

137
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,160
Tough little nuts.

138
00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:52,600
I'm talking about sperms.

139
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,600
I got it, Dad. I got it.

140
00:05:58,360 --> 00:05:59,840
Hi, Austin.

141
00:05:59,840 --> 00:06:01,000
Morning.

142
00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:03,240
Nice swans.

143
00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:05,640
They're not swans, they're cranes.

144
00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:07,760
And nice is the enemy of great.

145
00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:08,960
That's very true.

146
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,280
Listen, Austin,
there's something I need to tell you.

147
00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:14,880
I had an email last night, our DNA results.

148
00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:16,520
Yes, I know - negative.

149
00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:19,320
I also got that email and I read it in bed.

150
00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:21,240
Why didn't you come downstairs?

151
00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:23,240
I was trying to get to sleep.

152
00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:25,040
It was quarter to midnight.

153
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:27,080
That's an hour and 15
minutes behind schedule.

154
00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:30,080
And how'd that go?
Looks like maybe not well.

155
00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:32,480
I eventually drifted off
from sheer exhaustion,

156
00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:34,640
but then not long after that,
the lab called me.

157
00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:35,720
The lab?

158
00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:36,800
What, the DNA lab?

159
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,800
Well, he doesn't mean a Labrador,
does he, Julian?

160
00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,400
Apparently, they have someone else on file

161
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,840
whose DNA is a 50% match with me.

162
00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:43,880
What?

163
00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:46,600
Long story short,
my real dad is a 58-year-old man

164
00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:47,920
living in Northampton.

165
00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:49,040
Oh, my gosh.

166
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,760
This brings things into focus, doesn't it?

167
00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:51,880
Mel was seeing someone else.

168
00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:52,960
You were seeing someone else.

169
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:54,600
Who? Me!

170
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:55,640
Oh, right.

171
00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:56,960
Still sorry, by the way.

172
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:58,400
The lab asked me if I was willing

173
00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,520
to share my contact
details with this person.

174
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:01,720
What did you say?

175
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,360
And I agreed to it.

176
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:06,800
Wow, Austin, that is a lot to process.

177
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,720
I must warn you,
it may get emotional for you.

178
00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:12,280
But so far,
I'm finding that the best way to handle this

179
00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:14,400
is via origami.

180
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,800
Also, if one of you could
nip around to the newsagent

181
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,960
and get me another ream
of decent weight paper,

182
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:21,320
that would be deeply appreciated.

183
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,360
OK.

184
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:30,680
Right.

185
00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:33,240
Thank you for providing me
this exchange of details.

186
00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:34,800
Much appreciated.

187
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:47,120
Hey, guys.

188
00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:49,080
I have some big news.

189
00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:52,600
DNA Dunn have connected me with
my biologically matched father

190
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,080
and he's agreed to meet with me.

191
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:56,680
I am now in possession of his phone number.

192
00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:59,280
Oh, my God, Austin, that's so soon.

193
00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:01,320
What are you going to do?
Are you going to phone him?

194
00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:03,160
I prefer text messaging.

195
00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:06,960
Yeah, well, see, in this instance,
Austin, it is probably better to...

196
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:08,280
OK, too late.

197
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:09,840
He's texting.

198
00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:11,840
I'm hoping to set up a meeting with this man

199
00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:15,800
and,
assuming that he accepts me as his "issue",

200
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:17,960
I'll ask him to provide me with lodgings

201
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:20,040
for the remainder of my time in the UK.

202
00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:22,040
I've already packed up most of my things.

203
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:25,240
Austin... Austin, you don't have to do that.

204
00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:27,000
No. Oh, goodness me.

205
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,080
Go on, go and unpack.

206
00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:30,080
You know, I mean,
of course you can carry on staying here.

207
00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:31,840
Yeah,
you can stay with us as long as you want.

208
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,440
Yeah, well, within reason.

209
00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:38,280
Dad... I mean, Julian,
what's going to happen with my book now?

210
00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:40,880
Ah, yeah.

211
00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:42,760
Now, um... Book?

212
00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:43,840
What book?

213
00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:48,360
Dad... I mean, Julian has offered
to publish my guide to Britain.

214
00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:52,240
Oh, Dad... I mean, Julian has, has he?

215
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,560
That's uncharacteristically generous of him.

216
00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:57,120
How many copies were you
thinking of self-publishing?

217
00:08:57,120 --> 00:09:00,800
Small, you know,
possible print run of, say, 500.

218
00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,920
So, £5,000.

219
00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,280
And you're going to have to
do one for Florence as well,

220
00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:06,920
so that makes £10,000.

221
00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:09,480
Yes, just because I'm an artist
doesn't mean I'm bad at maths.

222
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:11,640
£10,000, that just seems like an awful lot

223
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:13,360
for an unemployed man to be spending.

224
00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:15,000
Florence hasn't even written a book.

225
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,160
Yeah, well, that's... that's immaterial.

226
00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:20,440
Newsflash - this is what you have
to do when you have two children.

227
00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:21,680
I haven't got two children.

228
00:09:21,680 --> 00:09:23,160
Yeah, but you did when you made the offer.

229
00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:24,920
We aren't going to have to
publish a book by Florence,

230
00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:26,680
because I'm not going to
publish one by him now, am I?

231
00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:28,000
He's not even my son.

232
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:31,280
Or, certainly,
it's probably due a rethink, isn't it?

233
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,200
You know,
maybe we come at this from a different angle.

234
00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:34,640
Make it an online thing.

235
00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,680
Yeah, we could probably make
this an online thing as well.

236
00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:39,400
What are you writing in that book?

237
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:42,120
Absolutely nothing.

238
00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:58,880
Florence. Jesus Christ.

239
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:00,360
Do you think you could, um, you know...

240
00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,040
If you're talking to your mum anyway...

241
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:03,960
Oh, put in a good word for you? In a word.

242
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:05,920
Yes, I need this. We need this.

243
00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:07,720
Huh? Do you want to come from a broken home?

244
00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:11,440
Oh, two Christmas dinners,
two lots of birthday presents, you know?

245
00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:12,480
No, I'm joking.

246
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,160
I mean, a little, but, you know...

247
00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:16,880
I don't know what I can say
to bring her back to you.

248
00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:18,840
Well, tell her that I'm sorry,
you know, for all the times

249
00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:20,520
that I haven't measured up,
which I genuinely am.

250
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,360
Oh, OK. And tell her I've changed.

251
00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:23,960
Oh, have you?

252
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:26,680
Well, I probably will,
you know, if required to do so.

253
00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:29,800
And, um, see if you can coax
her back into the marital bed.

254
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:30,800
Oh, no.

255
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:31,880
No, no, no, no.

256
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,360
Dad, nobody wants to hear their
parents talking about sex.

257
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:36,440
Well,
that's a silly thing to feel awkward about.

258
00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:37,520
Oh, OK.

259
00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:40,360
Well, then, how about you think
about your mum and dad having sex?

260
00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:42,400
Er... How's it make you feel?

261
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:43,920
Strange.

262
00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:45,000
OK.

263
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,200
So, when it comes to conjugal issues,
you can just...

264
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:49,160
..you can just talk to Mum
about that on your own.

265
00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:51,280
Hey, everyone. He's texted me back.

266
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,000
He's invited me to Northampton. Oh.

267
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,360
As previously mentioned,
that's where he lives.

268
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,200
Great. Let's go. Shall I drive us?

269
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:03,480
No. No.

270
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,760
No, you're right.
The M1 will be a nightmare, won't it?

271
00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:06,800
I'll book train tickets.

272
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,920
Julian, you're being very enthusiastic.

273
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:10,520
I'm being supportive.

274
00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:12,280
You're supporting him right out the door.

275
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:13,920
Austin loves trains. Huh?

276
00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:15,840
I really resent it when people assume that,

277
00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:18,360
because that is kind of
a stereotype of autism.

278
00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:20,680
And also, it's railways.

279
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,640
Come on, then.
Help me pick out some tickets.

280
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:25,800
Northampton sounds quite regal.

281
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,200
I mean, it is a Hampton.

282
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,160
Assuming that it's the original Hampton.

283
00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:32,160
Yeah. Maybe reserve your judgment on that.

284
00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:35,560
You OK, bubs?

285
00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:37,000
Yeah.

286
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:40,120
I just can't believe I'm losing
the brother I never knew I had.

287
00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:41,800
Mm. I know.

288
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,880
A good Hartswood man is
too much to hope for.

289
00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:46,520
Mmm.

290
00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:48,160
Women, on the other hand...

291
00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:01,480
Guys, uh,
first class is at the other end, I think.

292
00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:03,320
WOMAN:
(OVER PA) Due to an earlier cancellation,

293
00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:06,480
the train about to arrive on
platform 1 will be declassified.

294
00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:09,040
Shit. It's been declassified.

295
00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:10,360
We're gonna have to grab our seats.

296
00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:12,360
It's gonna be anarchy.

297
00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:14,520
Big day for you, Austin.

298
00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:16,760
If you want to talk about your feelings,
I'm...

299
00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:18,920
I'm actually feeling a range of emotions.

300
00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:20,760
Yeah. Most of them are quite unpleasant.

301
00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:24,080
I've been trying to cram facts
about Northampton on Wikipedia,

302
00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:27,040
but for some reason, I can't read on trains.

303
00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:29,120
Stop sheep-dogging us.

304
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:30,120
Shepherding, yeah.

305
00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:32,720
You want my advice? Just enjoy it. Yeah.

306
00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:34,240
Enjoy it? Seriously?

307
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:35,480
That's your advice? Yeah.

308
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:37,800
For a writer, no experience is wasted.

309
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:39,240
Finding out your real dad is,

310
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:42,200
that's an intense moment
very few people experience.

311
00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:44,000
Austin's getting it twice in a year.

312
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,560
Gold miner material.

313
00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:49,360
So if this train were to crash,
and the three of us

314
00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,680
were to be dragged from the wreckage,
barely alive,

315
00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:53,280
there would be a part of you thinking,

316
00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:56,800
"Oh, goody,
a trauma I can write about for cash."

317
00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,480
Only way to get a book deal these days.

318
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,200
Well, it is true, now I think about it.

319
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:05,160
If you guys will excuse me,
I'm going to urinate and obtain snacks.

320
00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:09,200
Think he's going to be alright?

321
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,000
Not going to take a wrong turn?
No, he's not.

322
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,720
It's a train. He's fine.

323
00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:13,920
Actually, while he's gone,

324
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:16,520
there's something I've been
meaning to ask you, actually.

325
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:18,040
I think you should come back to the house.

326
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:20,480
Are you aware that sounds like an order,
not a request?

327
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,400
Would you kindly return to the house?

328
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:23,720
Better, but no.

329
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,760
Must be some way of saying it
that makes it sound alright.

330
00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:26,960
Maybe there isn't.

331
00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:28,520
Has that thought occurred to you?

332
00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:29,760
Just thought you'd be about ready.

333
00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:31,600
I'm not a cake, Julian.

334
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:33,600
God!

335
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:41,720
Oh, wait a minute.
I see what's going on here.

336
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:44,240
You're marking me?

337
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:47,200
(SIGHS) How is it up there
on the moral high ground?

338
00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:48,760
Breezy. Mm.

339
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,320
Don't tell me there's not a
little bit of you that's relieved

340
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:53,680
he's not my son.

341
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,680
How dare you? Alright.

342
00:13:56,680 --> 00:13:58,240
Invite him for Christmas.

343
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:05,080
We always go to the loch for Christmas.

344
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:10,320
(MEN CHANT INDISTINCTLY)

345
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,560
(CHEERING)

346
00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:20,400
Just as I feared.

347
00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:23,160
The nightmare of declassification.

348
00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:24,880
Using your plug, mate?

349
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,280
No, but, uh... No?

350
00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:29,960
You're a top man. Legend.

351
00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,680
Just as long as they don't
start playing two types of music

352
00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:35,920
at the same time.

353
00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:39,680
Can somebody please remove this cable?

354
00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:42,040
Thank you.

355
00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,240
Oi, oi! It's Sherlock Holmes!

356
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:46,920
You alright, Sherlock, mate?

357
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:50,480
I assume you must be referring
to the deerstalker hat.

358
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:51,720
Fun fact.

359
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:54,440
Sherlock Holmes,
as described by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle,

360
00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:55,680
never actually wore one.

361
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:57,080
(LAUGHTER)

362
00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:58,480
This bloke's a proper boffin.

363
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,320
You should go on The Chase, mate.

364
00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:01,560
Do you want a beer, bruv?

365
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,040
I'll pass, thank you kindly.

366
00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:04,600
Why not? It's nothing personal.

367
00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:07,280
I just wish to remain in
full control of my senses.

368
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:09,160
And fizzy drinks make me gassy.

369
00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:10,920
(LAUGHTER)

370
00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:14,680
INGRID: You have to handle this.

371
00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:16,080
I am handling it.

372
00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:17,800
How are you handling it?
You're not doing anything.

373
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:18,840
I'm biding.

374
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:19,880
Biding?

375
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:21,240
Yeah, biding.

376
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,760
Gets any worse, I may move to glowering.

377
00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:25,800
Quite possibly tossing.

378
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,520
Why don't you handle it?

379
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,120
If it was a ski lift, yeah, sure.

380
00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:30,720
I can't handle it in this situation.

381
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:31,840
They'll call me a Karen

382
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:34,480
and then I cannot be held
responsible for my actions.

383
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:36,800
I'll go full night bitch.
I might bite someone.

384
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:37,920
Yeah, lads.

385
00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:41,440
Hey! (CHEERING)

386
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:44,240
Hey! Hey!

387
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:46,360
Hey, I need that to impress my father!

388
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,400
(LAUGHTER)

389
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,400
Lads, you've had your fun.
Give him his hat back.

390
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:52,160
Who are you, mate? Sherlock's dad?

391
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:55,800
On the contrary, this man happens to
be the author of the Big Bear books.

392
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:57,040
Thanks, Austin. Oh, what?

393
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,440
The Big Bear Goes To The Toilet?

394
00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:01,320
No, it's Big Bear Learns To Use The Toilet,
actually.

395
00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:03,360
And it won a Toddler's Choice Book Award.

396
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:04,680
(LAUGHTER)

397
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:06,040
Thank you, darling. I've got this.

398
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:07,520
I'm serious. The hat.

399
00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:08,840
Or what?

400
00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:11,080
Or... else?

401
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:13,800
Oooh!

402
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:15,200
Or else what?

403
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:16,440
This yours, is it?

404
00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:21,720
OK, I'm giving you five seconds.
I'm warning you.

405
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,240
I'll take it back. I'm so sorry. Sorry.

406
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:24,800
Three seconds now.

407
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,200
One. Give me the hat back!

408
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:27,480
No, no, no, no!

409
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:31,640
There you go, Austin.

410
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:33,040
Bag out the train!

411
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:34,880
He tossed your bag out the train!

412
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:36,400
(CHANTING) Bag out the train!

413
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,080
He tossed your bag out the train!

414
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,880
(CHEERING)

415
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:45,600
Um,

416
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:51,160
H-A-R-T-S-W-O-O-D.

417
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:52,720
Occupation?

418
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,080
Children's author.

419
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:55,920
Anything I might know?

420
00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:57,520
The Big Bear series?

421
00:16:58,760 --> 00:16:59,880
I see.

422
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,960
Do you think Big Bear would have
thrown someone's bag out of a train?

423
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:07,240
Well, if there was a perceived injustice...

424
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:09,680
No.

425
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:11,400
No, Big Bear would have used his words.

426
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,000
Yes.

427
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,440
Yes, he would.

428
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:18,080
So which one is it?

429
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:19,680
It's number 50.

430
00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:21,400
This one.

431
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:22,960
Yeah.

432
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,320
So, Austin, are you feeling,
uh, ready for this?

433
00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:26,840
Uh, not really.

434
00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:28,000
Austin, wait.

435
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,680
Uh, just before you go in,
I wanted to say how much

436
00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:33,320
I valued the time that we spent together.

437
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:36,880
And, um, you know,
even though I'm not your biological father...

438
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,400
..I love you.

439
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:42,120
I did warn you could get emotional.

440
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,280
Post's arrived by boat.

441
00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:48,440
And I...

442
00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:49,720
I love you too, Dad.

443
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,040
I mean, Julian.

444
00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:53,800
Of course I still want to publish your book.

445
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,200
I mean, if you'll do me that honour.

446
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,400
And Ingrid agrees.

447
00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:58,600
Yeah, of course.

448
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,480
And you must come and
spend Christmas with us.

449
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,320
Yeah. We're family.

450
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:04,760
Whatever a DNA test says.

451
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:06,920
Ah!

452
00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:15,480
I found all of that quite uncomfortable,

453
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:18,720
but also pretty lovely.

454
00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:20,480
Go on, then. Go on, then.

455
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:21,600
Go meet your real dad.

456
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:32,680
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)

457
00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:37,640
Connor Webster?

458
00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:39,400
Austin Hogan?

459
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,480
I'm your son.

460
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:46,560
Now, I'm not a scientist,

461
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:49,520
but I think there's probably
been some sort of mistake

462
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,000
or mix-up at the lab.

463
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,600
WOMAN: It's only me, love.

464
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:57,240
Temp weekend was cancelled.

465
00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,000
Gastric flu.

466
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,200
Amy was the first.

467
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,360
Now they're all dropping like flies.

468
00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:03,360
Hi. Hi.

469
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:04,360
Sorry.

470
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:05,600
Who are you?

471
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:06,760
Uh, what's going on?

472
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,680
I did a DNA test.

473
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:10,800
What?

474
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:13,600
The company called me to tell
me there was someone on file

475
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:15,040
who was a match.

476
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:16,720
A possible son.

477
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:18,440
What?

478
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:19,960
But look, it's fine.

479
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,280
There's obviously been some kind of mix-up.

480
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,160
(LAUGHS UNCOMFORTABLY)

481
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:28,120
I mean,
I don't think this young man is my son.

482
00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:29,520
Hi, I'm Austin.

483
00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:30,720
Good to meet you.

484
00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:33,120
Hang on, hang on.

485
00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:36,600
Why did you think you might have
a son you didn't know about?

486
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:37,600
I didn't.

487
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:39,040
I was confused.

488
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,400
Why were you getting a DNA
test in the first place?

489
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:42,920
Oh, is this about the DNA test?

490
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,080
Is the results back?

491
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:45,160
You knew about this?

492
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:46,160
Yeah.

493
00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:48,280
You were spending a lot of
time with Nigel back then,

494
00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:50,000
and I just needed to know.

495
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:51,120
Hello?

496
00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:53,480
Oh, my God, he was my skating partner!

497
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:56,440
Guys, uh, sorry, it's the lab.

498
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:58,160
Um, you say you have someone on file

499
00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:00,800
who's a close DNA relative, possibly a son?

500
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:01,800
(SIGHS)

501
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:05,240
You've got two sets of results mixed up.

502
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,000
WOMAN: (ON PHONE) Ah,
so you're not Connor Webster?

503
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,880
I am Julian Hartswood.

504
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:12,640
Yes, I have your results here, Mr Hartswood.

505
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:16,160
It looks like we have someone
on file who is a match.

506
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:18,640
Is it by any chance Austin Hogan?

507
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:21,480
Well,
I'll need the other person's permission.

508
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,040
For God's sake.

509
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:24,240
This is Austin Hogan.

510
00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:26,480
If it is me, you have my permission.

511
00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:30,440
Yes,
you are a 50% DNA match with Austin Hogan.

512
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:31,560
Well... Yes!

513
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:33,120
Well, that is fantastic.

514
00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:35,240
Um, however, you do need to make
sure this doesn't happen again.

515
00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:38,840
You have caused us considerable
emotional distress.

516
00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:40,760
And we've had to come to Northampton.
No offence.

517
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:42,520
I'm sorry, Mr Hartswood.

518
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:46,040
By way of compensation,
I could offer you a free DNA test.

519
00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:48,080
Free DNA test? Why would I want another one?

520
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,400
I don't know.

521
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:52,120
If you have another child you wanted
to check the paternity of, or...

522
00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:54,720
OK, yeah, well, stick one in the post.

523
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:56,240
May as well if it's free.

524
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:57,480
(WHISPERS) Let's get out.

525
00:20:58,520 --> 00:20:59,720
This way.

526
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:01,640
Shall we...? Shall we? Yeah.

527
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:02,920
Thank you so much for having us.

528
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:04,800
Yes, thanks... It was so nice to meet you.

529
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:08,680
And we wish you, yeah, all the best. Yeah.

530
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:10,120
I forgot my bag, sorry.

531
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:17,520
(WOMAN YELLS INDISTINCTLY INSIDE)

532
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,000
Who knew?

533
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:24,440
Maybe we're not Britain's most
dysfunctional couple after all.

534
00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:25,960
Shall we call a cab?

535
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:27,560
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

536
00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:31,320
May I suggest that we call
from around the corner?

537
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:32,320
Good idea.

538
00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:33,400
(YELLING CONTINUES INSIDE)

539
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,640
Also,
we need to tell Florence the good news.

540
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:45,760
Whew!

541
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:49,360
Thank you so much. Thank you.

542
00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:50,680
Good to have you back, son.

543
00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:51,960
Great to be back, Dad.

544
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:53,400
Anyone fancy a hot chocolate?

545
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:54,640
Ooh.

546
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:55,640
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

547
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:58,000
After you. Oh, Austin.

548
00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:06,200
Oh, I have 14 missed calls from my mother.

549
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,440
I guess I'd better go tell her the good news

550
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:10,880
that I'm not related to Connor
from Northampton after all.

551
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:12,280
You need to get an early night.

552
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,160
You've got a book to finish.

553
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:15,720
I'll bring your hot chocolate up.

554
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:16,920
Thanks, Dad.

555
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:18,360
Flo? Yeah?

556
00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:20,520
Do you want us to publish
a book by you as well?

557
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:21,960
Yeah, cool, yeah.

558
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:24,600
Oh, and do you want a hot chocolate?

559
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:27,000
(SCOFFS) Dad, I'm actually on the phone.

560
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,520
But, yeah, please, that'd be great.

561
00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:33,880
What about you?

562
00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:35,240
Would you like a hot choc?

563
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,480
What about me? What about you?

564
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:39,200
What about all of us? Hm?

565
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:42,800
It's official. Austin's in.

566
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:43,840
Yeah.

567
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:45,240
And that doesn't have to be a bad thing.

568
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:47,720
I mean, it's an opportunity for
us to have a complete reset.

569
00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:49,960
Totally. Isn't it?

570
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:52,240
So do you want a hot chocolate? Or...

571
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:55,280
Uh, goddess tea, please.

572
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:56,720
Goddess tea coming right up.

573
00:22:57,880 --> 00:22:59,200
Do you think I've let myself go?

574
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:00,600
Hm?

575
00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:04,760
It's just one of Florence's friends
said I was channelling gnomecore.

576
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:06,080
Gnomecore?

577
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:08,000
Gnomecore!

578
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:09,800
Actually, I can work with that.

579
00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:11,400
Kinky.

580
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:12,880
(LAUGHS)

581
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:16,760
How did I do, by the way,
in your little score book?

582
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:19,320
Oh, it's just a childish little...
You did better as the day went on.

583
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:21,360
Still room for improvement, though.

584
00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:23,360
Room for improvement.

585
00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:24,720
Mm. OK.

586
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:31,280
So what would this ruddy-cheeked,
white-bearded, pot-bellied gnome

587
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:34,080
have to do to lure this...

588
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,920
Beautiful... ..gnome back into their abode?

589
00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:40,200
You want to fish in my pond,
you're going to have to get a bigger worm.

590
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:42,160
(LAUGHS)

591
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:45,920
I have no idea what that means,
and I don't think you do either.

592
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,920
It means stop taking me for granted.

593
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:50,160
Try a bit harder.

594
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:53,480
Where are you going?

595
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:56,560
I'm going to the silver mine
at the bottom of the garden.

596
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,840
Well, I don't suppose you could stay now and,
you know,

597
00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:00,200
let me earn it later?

598
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,040
This gnome ain't for turning.

599
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:03,680
Is that too much gnome?

600
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:05,520
Can there ever be too much gnome?

601
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:07,760
I don't think I really want to
encourage the gnome thing. (LAUGHS)

602
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,000
Just be our little secret.

603
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,160
Yeah.

604
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:15,280
Night.

605
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:16,520
Night.

606
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:17,640
(DOOR CLOSES)

607
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:22,840
Austin's Guide To Britain.

608
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:25,840
Chapter 9.

609
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:29,680
Northampton.

610
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:45,280
Do I really need an agent?

611
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:46,360
Yes! Yes!

612
00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:49,480
Austin, your book is sensational.

613
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:50,560
So you've read it, then?

614
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:51,640
Almost a third of it.

615
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,240
For an agent, that is high praise indeed.

616
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:57,160
Do you remember how I never
wanted to do Big Bear TV?

617
00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:58,840
So how are we doing? Have we got a deal?

618
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:01,920
I think there was one company
that wanted to do live action.

619
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:03,200
Yeah, Australian.

620
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:04,880
Greta says that she can't sell the book

621
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:07,680
unless I show that I'm British
enough to make fun of the British.

622
00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:10,160
I need to know my British
origin story pronto.

623
00:25:11,305 --> 00:26:11,191