1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074



2
00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:22,256
Hey, you ever read
this sci-fi novel snow crash?

3
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:24,225
Have I ever read snow crash?
Yeah.

4
00:00:24,325 --> 00:00:25,759
Yeah, like for
the tenth time

5
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:26,827
As I was waiting for

6
00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:28,262
Neal Stephenson
to sign my copy.

7
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:29,530
Okay so then you know
the character,

8
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:31,099
Vitaly chernobyl?

9
00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:33,734
Um, front man for

10
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,736
Vitaly chernobyl
and the meltdowns,

11
00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:38,706
Pioneer of the ukrainian
nuclear fuzz-grunge movement.

12
00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:39,773
All-around badass.

13
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,243
Yes I know
vitaly chernobyl.

14
00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:44,145
All right well,
they're making it a movie.

15
00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:45,879
That's the part
I'm going out for.

16
00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:46,914
No.

17
00:00:47,014 --> 00:00:48,382
Hell yeah.

18
00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:49,750
So you gotta help me with
like a take on the character.

19
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:51,752
Fuck no.
Why not?

20
00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:53,554
Vitaly chernobyl
is fucking awesome.

21
00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:55,156
You're so wrong.

22
00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:56,290
That'd be like
if in "aliens"

23
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:58,859
They had cast Kate Hudson
to play ripley.

24
00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:00,428
I would root
for the fucking aliens.

25
00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:01,729
Okay, you know what,
you wanna be turtle

26
00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:04,232
Of my entourage, you gotta
start being nicer to me.

27
00:01:04,332 --> 00:01:06,834
Fuck that, fuck entourage,

28
00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:09,237
And I'd be e,
you'd be turtle--

29
00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:10,571
I'm the vince man.

30
00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:11,505
Now get my car,

31
00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:12,606
And I'll let you
fuck my leftovers.

32
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:13,907
Henry.

33
00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:17,711
Would you like me to put this
stemware in the prep tent?

34
00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:25,753
Ah, 20 minutes late.

35
00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:26,887
You gonna write him up,
boss man?

36
00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:28,055
Don't think I won't.

37
00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:30,090
I have a very complex
demerit system.

38
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:35,896
Does the new guy
have a daughter, too?

39
00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:38,199
Yeah.

40
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:41,202
Oh.

41
00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:43,537
Yeah, they're very close.

42
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:58,619
Okay Kyle,
you take the south lawn bar;

43
00:01:58,719 --> 00:01:59,653
I'll take the north.

44
00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:02,122
Okay Ron,
you and Casey will serve.

45
00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:03,291
And lydia,
you and Roman

46
00:02:03,391 --> 00:02:04,758
Will handle
the prep work, okay?

47
00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:05,893
But, Henry...

48
00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:06,894
Oh, captain, my captain.

49
00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:07,895
That's gross.

50
00:02:07,995 --> 00:02:09,563
Ron what do you need?

51
00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:11,098
We gonna put out
the tip jar today?

52
00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:12,466
There's a tip jar?

53
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:13,367
We get tips?

54
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:14,368
Not since Henry
took over.

55
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:15,669
I'm just saying--

56
00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:17,070
I've worked a bunch
of these school auctions.

57
00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:18,706
And people just want
to show off.

58
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,073
You know, so they
wave around their lincolns

59
00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:21,108
And their Hamilton's.

60
00:02:21,209 --> 00:02:22,243
Like,
"Look at me! Look at me!

61
00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:24,512
I own a hotel
on park place!"

62
00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:26,113
Yeah Ron, you're right,
tip jar!

63
00:02:26,214 --> 00:02:28,048
You know, tip jar!

64
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,484
Tip jar!
Tip jar!

65
00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:31,485
Tip jar!

66
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:33,754
No, we are not
putting out the tip jar.

67
00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:34,888
We're just gonna go
with the guarantee.

68
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:35,823
Is there anything else?

69
00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:36,890
Tip jar.

70
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,192
Yeah,
what do I know?

71
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:39,627
I've only been doing
this for like eight years.

72
00:02:39,727 --> 00:02:40,928
What do I know?

73
00:02:41,729 --> 00:02:42,796
What's that?

74
00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:44,998
I can't hear you.

75
00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:46,367
Can I see you outside
for a second?

76
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:47,501
Sure.

77
00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:50,804
What's up Ron?

78
00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:53,841
See what I just did?

79
00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:55,108
What?

80
00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:56,644
I'm modeling
managerial behavior.

81
00:02:56,744 --> 00:02:59,413
I removed the actor
from the audience Henry.

82
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:00,948
Okay, see when people
are acting up,

83
00:03:01,048 --> 00:03:04,051
You deprive them of the oxygen
that fuels the fire--

84
00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:05,286
Yeah, but Ron,

85
00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:08,489
You were the "actor"
in this scenario so--

86
00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:10,558
Okay take my advice,
or don't.

87
00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:11,692
Put out the tip jar,
or don't.

88
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:12,726
Your call Henry.

89
00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:14,061
Okay.
Really, I mean--

90
00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:15,128
But you're gonna be
killing yourself

91
00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:16,163
Trying to be their friend.

92
00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:18,065
It's better that
they respect you--

93
00:03:18,165 --> 00:03:19,333
Okay, let's see here, um--

94
00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:22,270
Hey Ron, those are
some pretty vile

95
00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:23,604
Pit stains
you've got there,

96
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,373
Why don't you put on a
wind-breaker from the van

97
00:03:25,473 --> 00:03:27,708
So the guests don't puke.

98
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:30,244
Oh and also, if you're fucking
20 minutes late again,

99
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:31,979
Don't bother showing up.

100
00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:39,920
Um, something like that?

101
00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,936
Uncanny x-men number four.

102
00:03:57,805 --> 00:03:59,340
Holy shit!

103
00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:11,685
So was there like
an exact moment

104
00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:14,054
When you knew that
you were gonna quit acting?

105
00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:16,023
Yeah I guess
when I saw my picture

106
00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:18,258
Next to Joe isuzu
in a tv guide

107
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:19,827
"Where are they now" thing,

108
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,995
I was pretty sure it was
the only honorable path.

109
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:24,164
Why?

110
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:27,134
I auditioned for this
apatow movie today.

111
00:04:27,234 --> 00:04:28,135
That's great.

112
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:29,337
Why do you sound like

113
00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:31,639
You're considering
early retirement?

114
00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:33,374
I'm just like, sitting there
in the waiting room

115
00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:35,609
And there's all these girls

116
00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:38,045
And they all look
exactly like me,

117
00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:39,380
And I know that
they're thinking

118
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:40,914
The exact same thing
that I'm thinking,

119
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:42,516
It was crazy,

120
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:46,186
It was like this flash
of insignificance.

121
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,455
So how'd it go?

122
00:04:47,555 --> 00:04:49,056
They laughed, so--

123
00:04:49,156 --> 00:04:50,791
Well that's good.

124
00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:53,761
It's just this one scene,
but it's so good.

125
00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:55,396
I don't want to put
too much stock in it,

126
00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:57,898
But I sort of feel like
if I get this,

127
00:04:57,998 --> 00:04:59,667
It'll pretty much validate

128
00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:01,735
Every single decision
I've ever made

129
00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:04,572
In my entire life that led me
to this very moment.

130
00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:07,575
Wow, well, it's good to put
all of your eggs in one place

131
00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:09,009
Where you can really
keep your eye on them--

132
00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:12,846
Maybe you could
keep that on silent?

133
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:14,147
These are my thick pants.

134
00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:15,148
So I can't feel
the vibration--

135
00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:16,149
Right.

136
00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:17,418
Hello?

137
00:05:18,386 --> 00:05:20,220
Well what's the audition for?

138
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,189
No, I can't go to Anaheim

139
00:05:22,289 --> 00:05:25,058
Because I have the sunday
groundlings show.

140
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,694
Yeah, fine.

141
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:30,297
Okay just-- will you
send me the breakdown--

142
00:05:30,398 --> 00:05:32,366
Okay thanks.

143
00:05:33,501 --> 00:05:34,902
If you're finished
with your phone call,

144
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,004
I was hoping I could bother you
for a glass of wine.

145
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:39,673
Is that a chardonnay
or a riesling you have there?

146
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:42,275
White wine.

147
00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:44,812
Didn't I say,
go with valhalla?

148
00:05:44,912 --> 00:05:46,647
You did mrs. Doyle.

149
00:05:46,747 --> 00:05:48,782
You get what you pay for,
ms. Legros.

150
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:51,251
You're right as usual,
mrs. Doyle--

151
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,653
I apologize.

152
00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:56,289
I am so sorry,
she can be a little--

153
00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:58,191
Cunty?

154
00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:01,028
Yeah, that's the word,
cunty.

155
00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:03,196
Unfortunately, she is
the one who's gonna write

156
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:04,498
A letter of recommendation
for my son,

157
00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:07,134
So I have to kiss her ass
until it's done.

158
00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:09,069
So, groundlings--?

159
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:10,070
I used to be in
groundlings--

160
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:11,539
No way.

161
00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:12,540
Let me get nice levels
for you,

162
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:13,507
So everybody can hear you.

163
00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:14,842
I need that higher.

164
00:06:14,942 --> 00:06:15,909
How's that?

165
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:18,912
My god.

166
00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:23,150
I can bring it lower.

167
00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:24,652
All right, this is all
you need to know

168
00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:26,053
About Los Angeles
schools all right?

169
00:06:26,153 --> 00:06:29,222
There are 300 kindergarten
slots in top quality schools.

170
00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:32,192
50,000 parents
battling it out

171
00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:33,393
To get their kids in.

172
00:06:33,494 --> 00:06:35,295
But your kid gets into
a top elementary,

173
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,397
Then they go to harvard-westlake
or brentwood,

174
00:06:37,498 --> 00:06:39,232
Straight shot
to yale or stanford.

175
00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:42,135
How do you get into one
of these top quality schools?

176
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,203
Three ways.

177
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:44,538
You can be
absurdly wealthy,

178
00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:45,573
You can be famous,

179
00:06:45,673 --> 00:06:46,974
Or, you can take my path,

180
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:49,376
Where you volunteer to run
the pre-school silent auction

181
00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:51,712
Which is why I have
officially retired

182
00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:53,113
From the comedy community.

183
00:06:53,213 --> 00:06:54,414
And here I am:

184
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:59,252
Taking seriously the shit
I used to make fun of.

185
00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:01,755
I have spent
a year of my life

186
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,857
Busting my ass
mom-wrangling,

187
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:06,226
And today, the director says
if we don't meet our goal,

188
00:07:06,326 --> 00:07:07,895
There's no letter of
recommendation.

189
00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,229
No.

190
00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:10,931
Janice werkhoven.

191
00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:13,066
What is that?

192
00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:15,368
It is a wine and cheese basket
from greenblatt's.

193
00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:16,470
Some top-flight
bottles in here.

194
00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:17,605
A couple 92s--

195
00:07:17,705 --> 00:07:18,672
Yeah I thought
you were putting up

196
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:21,141
Cooking lessons
with wolfgang puck!

197
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:23,544
Yeah, that kinda
fell through.

198
00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:26,514
At least look me in the eye
when you're fucking me--

199
00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:28,482
Oh but why would
you worry right?

200
00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:29,750
Of course those
starfuckers

201
00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:31,985
At penhall academy
are gonna take your kid, right?

202
00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:34,121
'cause your husband's
movie opened huge.

203
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:39,092
You don't carpool
with her, do you?

204
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:40,828
Hello and welcome

205
00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:43,531
To the precious lights
silent auction!

206
00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:47,167
I'm mrs. Doyle,

207
00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:49,803
The director
of precious lights.

208
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:54,274
The auction closes
at six p.m. Sharp

209
00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:58,211
At which time I expect
to see our total

210
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:01,915
Above the 250,000 dollar--

211
00:08:14,461 --> 00:08:15,796
Mark.

212
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:25,238
Yeah yeah,
super tough right?

213
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:26,239
And then the guy
has the--

214
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,908
Hey so I thought
about it,

215
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:32,813
And um, you might not totally
suck as vitaly chernobyl,

216
00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:35,515
So if you want me
to help you work

217
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:37,651
On character development--

218
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:38,886
Oh you know what,
I got it taken care of.

219
00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:41,555
See lane here,
is a huge snow crash fan,

220
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:43,356
Yeah, yeah we've been
breaking it down a little bit.

221
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,559
I think I'm gonna play it
kinda like pitt in "12 monkeys".

222
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:47,294
Unhinged, you know--

223
00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:48,596
Touch of Magnolia cruise.

224
00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:50,698
All testosterone.

225
00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:52,966
Great big balls
just dragging in the dirt.

226
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:54,034
Love it.

227
00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:56,303
Sounds like you guys
got it covered.

228
00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:58,005
We got it,
it's good.

229
00:08:58,105 --> 00:08:59,740
Can I talk to you
for a second?

230
00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:02,910
Thanks buddy.
Thank you.

231
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:05,713
What's up.

232
00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:07,848
Lend me 80 bucks.

233
00:09:07,948 --> 00:09:09,182
Why?

234
00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:11,952
Some dipshit is auctioning off
uncanny x-men #4.

235
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,053
Right now the bid's
at 75 dollars.

236
00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:15,055
It's worth at least
four times that.

237
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,857
Oh okay, so that's why
all-of-a-sudden

238
00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:19,359
I'm an awesome
vitaly chernobyl--

239
00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:21,528
I said you might not
totally suck--

240
00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:22,630
That's all you got?

241
00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:23,731
Really, to sweet talk me
out of the stack

242
00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:26,233
Of 20s in my wallet,
that's it?

243
00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:28,201
Dude, you are
a terrible actor.

244
00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:29,336
That's horrible.

245
00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:31,038
Look who's
fucking talking.

246
00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:31,905
What?

247
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:33,540
You're not even
an actor.

248
00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:35,909
You're a haircut okay?
What does that even mean?

249
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,044
You know the
difference between

250
00:09:37,144 --> 00:09:38,912
You and James
vanderbeeks' parrot?

251
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:41,815
The parrot can
deliver a line.

252
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,550
Whatever high school
drama coach

253
00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:45,919
Filled the void between
your ears with big ideas

254
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:49,690
Probably just wanted to give
little Kyle a couple tugs.

255
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,925
He had no idea he was
creating a monster.

256
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:55,896
Fucking can't act creature
from the no talent lagoon.

257
00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:02,235
I'm sorry.

258
00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:04,071
I'm sorry that was--

259
00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:06,073
I was just-- I was just
fucking with you.

260
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:07,474
Shut the fuck up man.

261
00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:08,742
I'm probably
just jealous

262
00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:12,245
You know, that you might get
a part in that movie--

263
00:10:13,881 --> 00:10:15,749
I didn't mean it.

264
00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:20,220
Just a haircut, huh?

265
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:21,554
Fuck you, bitch.

266
00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:23,190
You just took
the master class.

267
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:24,357
Foo!

268
00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:27,127
Good one.

269
00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:29,296
Can I get that
80 bucks?

270
00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:34,267
What is wrong
with your people?

271
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:35,836
They're vulgar.

272
00:10:35,936 --> 00:10:37,838
They're drinking
on the job.

273
00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:38,972
Taking personal
phone calls.

274
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:40,240
And you've got
one out there

275
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:42,409
With whom I think you need
to have a Frank talk

276
00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:44,577
About personal hygiene.

277
00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:46,513
Do you know which one
I'm talking about?

278
00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:48,248
I do.

279
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:49,683
Good.

280
00:10:49,783 --> 00:10:51,118
Then handle it.

281
00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:52,219
Okay.

282
00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:54,855
My lady.

283
00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:56,356
You have a very nice day.

284
00:10:58,058 --> 00:11:00,560
Thanks Roman,
that was helpful.

285
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,095
Word up.

286
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:17,277
Oh hey, boss.

287
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:18,445
Hey--

288
00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:22,015
Okay what is this,
what're you doing?

289
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:23,250
I'm you Henry.

290
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,184
You're me?

291
00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:26,019
This job is beneath me
so I mope around

292
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:27,755
And I pop pills
and I drink

293
00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:29,022
And I have sex
with my co-workers--

294
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:30,791
Okay so you stole
my vicodin?

295
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:32,125
Was it stealing
at all those parties

296
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:34,261
When you'd drink
the host's booze?

297
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,328
Probably.

298
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:37,865
Was it stealing when
you used to smoke my weed?

299
00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:39,499
Oh you mean when
you'd pass me a joint

300
00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:40,768
And tell me not
to be a pussy?

301
00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:41,701
I don't think
that qualifies.

302
00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:43,270
Now look Ron--

303
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,072
You didn't make it easy for me
when I was top banana Henry.

304
00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:46,573
Okay so what's good
for the goose

305
00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:48,308
Is good for the gander.

306
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,477
Um, that actually
means that the same rules

307
00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:51,879
Should apply
for men and women.

308
00:11:51,979 --> 00:11:53,480
I'm a man, Henry--

309
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:55,582
Ron, you asked me
for this job, right?

310
00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:56,583
Yeah, and who'da thunk?

311
00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:57,617
You, on top of the world.

312
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:58,551
And me, working for you.

313
00:11:58,651 --> 00:11:59,686
Huh?

314
00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:01,221
That's like
"Trading places",

315
00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:02,722
And I'm Dan Aykroyd
and you're eddie money.

316
00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:03,824
Eddie money?

317
00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:06,026
And mandy is
my Jamie Lee Curtis,

318
00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:08,161
She saved me
from being a bum.

319
00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:09,229
And uda--

320
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,098
Uda is your black lady
in the bikini, yeah.

321
00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:11,932
Doesn't matter--

322
00:12:12,032 --> 00:12:12,933
At the end
of the movie

323
00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:14,201
With Billy ray Valentine,

324
00:12:14,301 --> 00:12:15,102
He's in a hot tub

325
00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:16,069
And the black lady
with the bikini.

326
00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:18,138
Ron it's not
"Trading places".

327
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:19,907
You're not Dan Aykroyd,
I'm not Eddie Murphy.

328
00:12:20,007 --> 00:12:21,641
I'm definitely
not eddie money,

329
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,710
Just take
the wind-breaker,

330
00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:25,278
And put it on
this time, okay?

331
00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:27,347
We're getting complaints.

332
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:29,817
I'm Dan Aykroyd.

333
00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:31,518
You're not Dan Aykroyd.

334
00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:33,186
Says Eddie Murphy.

335
00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:34,955
Tell that fucking prick
two hit shows in five years

336
00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:37,290
Is enough to get
most guys fired.

337
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:38,425
He must really be sucking
the shit out of mickey's

338
00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:41,194
Little rodent cock
over there at mouschwitz.

339
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:42,930
Scotch rocks.

340
00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:44,464
If he wants
the tv rights,

341
00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:47,000
He's gonna have to work some
of that magic on my ball sack.

342
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,969
Yeah, tell him
to bring knee pads

343
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:51,638
And an appetite
for man juice.

344
00:12:51,738 --> 00:12:53,206
Let's go, it's not
a fuckin' souffle.

345
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:54,908
It's you know,
ice and scotch.

346
00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:56,709
The eastons are auctioning
their Sun Valley cabin

347
00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:58,111
For a week this summer.

348
00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:00,280
The summer?

349
00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:02,615
What do people do
in Idaho in the summer?

350
00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:04,617
What do they wait
for the rapture?

351
00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:05,986
Hoard food?

352
00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:07,554
Practice goose-stepping?

353
00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:08,922
What the hell
are we auctioning?

354
00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:10,858
Lunch with Tom Hanks.

355
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:13,760
Don't die Leonard.

356
00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:15,495
We're in the final year
of my pre-nup.

357
00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:18,899
When we met you said
you and Tom are close--

358
00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:20,567
I was trying to get
into your pants.

359
00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:21,601
Hanks hasn't
talked to me since

360
00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:22,970
I put him in
Turner and fucking hooch.

361
00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:24,304
I can't make
a lunch happen.

362
00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:25,805
Fine.

363
00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:26,874
So win the auction.

364
00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:29,742
It'll impress
the school director.

365
00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:31,178
Oh hey, stilskin,

366
00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:34,114
Your Edgar Allen poe
movie sucked ass.

367
00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:37,084
350 million dollars
world-wide there four eyes.

368
00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:38,785
Why don't you get me
a little fucking umbrella

369
00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:40,020
For my cocktail
before they call you back

370
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,055
To the set
of the big bang theory.

371
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:45,425
I mean come on,
channing tatum as young Lincoln?

372
00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:46,693
Are you shitting me?

373
00:13:46,793 --> 00:13:48,996
You could have had
Henry here at scale.

374
00:13:49,096 --> 00:13:51,298
Taylor's sweet 16?

375
00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:53,666
The fucking
are-we-having-fun-yet guy.

376
00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:54,601
All right,
I'll tell you what Henry,

377
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:55,969
Take off your shirt.

378
00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:57,070
If you've got abs
like channing tatum,

379
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,338
I'll make you
a big fucking star.

380
00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:01,608
See this is
a business,

381
00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:03,576
Fucking idiots.

382
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:04,577
Check out my wife here.

383
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:05,712
Her nipples got hard

384
00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:06,846
Just at the combination
of the two words:

385
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:08,548
Channing and tatum.

386
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:10,117
Fuck you, Leonard.

387
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:13,586
Goddamn honey,
it's a compliment.

388
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:16,023
I trust those nips of yours
more than any focus group.

389
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:19,192
Casey!
Yeah.

390
00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:20,427
Casey.

391
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:24,531
How much you think I can get
for a 1998 grand marquis?

392
00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,867
Why are you asking me that?

393
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:30,870
Rag top, fully loaded,
it has air, power windows,

394
00:14:36,944 --> 00:14:38,946
Every saturday was
the uncle fuzzy show.

395
00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:40,313
All the birthday kids

396
00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:44,151
Got to reach into the fun tub
and pick out their present.

397
00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:47,254
And then uncle fuzzy himself
would give them a tickle.

398
00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:49,222
Creepy.

399
00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:51,524
So when my birthday
was coming around

400
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:54,061
I took a polaroid of myself,
I put it in an envelope,

401
00:14:54,161 --> 00:14:56,229
And gave it to my mom to mail.

402
00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:58,765
Six months later
I opened up

403
00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:00,467
The glove compartment
in my mom's car,

404
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:01,534
Guess what I found?

405
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:03,670
My envelope

406
00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:06,039
For uncle fuzzy.

407
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:08,441
And when I asked my mom why
she had never mailed it to him,

408
00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:11,144
She said, "why waste
a perfectly good stamp?"

409
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,780
Uh sorry, don't mean
to be a buzz-kill,

410
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,015
But we're kinda
getting the evil eye

411
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:15,983
From the people
running the party--

412
00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:17,317
Hey listen,
comrade stalin.

413
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,519
We're kinda in the middle
of a big decision here.

414
00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:20,620
Mm-hmm.

415
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,189
I made a promise
to myself

416
00:15:22,289 --> 00:15:26,926
That I would support my daughter
escapade's dreams,

417
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:32,099
And Tom Hanks
would love escapade.

418
00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:33,900
I'm gonna do it.

419
00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:35,135
And I'm sell
that grand marquis

420
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:36,903
To pay off the bill--

421
00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:38,571
You're not gonna get
a grand for that shitbox.

422
00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:41,241
I think you need to set
the bar a little bit lower.

423
00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:42,375
You're never
gonna get hanks,

424
00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:44,711
R Kelly maybe,
if he's available--

425
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:46,813
Oh get away from my x-men,
old man.

426
00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:48,048
Okay wait a second,

427
00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:49,582
Bidding on the hanks lunch?

428
00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:52,485
No don't do that lydia,
that's a waste of time--

429
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:53,920
"Waste of time,"
yeah.

430
00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:56,089
"Waste of a stamp."
I don't know--

431
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:57,157
Pack on 50 pounds,

432
00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:58,858
And work a Virginia slim
in each hand,

433
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,227
And you could be my mom.

434
00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:01,161
No, lydia.

435
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:02,495
I just heard
stiltskin say

436
00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:04,497
That he can't make
the hanks lunch happen,

437
00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:07,634
So he's gonna outbid
anyone who tries to win it.

438
00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:09,002
Do you even remember

439
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:11,638
What it was like
to have a dream?

440
00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:13,340
I'm gonna be
in the tent.

441
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:14,607
Melon-balling.

442
00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:17,344
With one hand.

443
00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:21,081
Hey, I wanted
to ask you if--

444
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:23,183
If you could maybe
stay off your phone

445
00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:24,684
For the remainder
of the event,

446
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:26,219
That'd be terrific.

447
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:27,954
Listen, didn't we always
used to say

448
00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:29,089
That they don't
pay us enough

449
00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:31,224
To give a shit
about any of this?

450
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:34,261
But as a team leader,
they kinda do,

451
00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:36,963
And I'm kinda used
to the health insurance Casey,

452
00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:38,798
You know, and I was
able to move out

453
00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:40,700
Of my studio apartment
into a one bedroom.

454
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:41,701
With a view.

455
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:43,103
Wow.
Okay?

456
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:44,737
It's a view of a taco bell,
but still, it's a view.

457
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:45,805
Fine.

458
00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:47,040
I will stay off the phone.

459
00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:49,109
Thanks.
Mmm-hmm.
Thank you.

460
00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:51,811
Hey Bruce, I just got
the breakdown that you sent me

461
00:16:51,911 --> 00:16:56,149
For the "perky suburban mom?"
minivan commercial thing?

462
00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:58,285
That's a joke right?

463
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,788
Because I'm not
"Mom" material,

464
00:17:01,888 --> 00:17:04,991
Man, I'm acerbic
20-something.

465
00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:07,494
You know, I'm funny
but fuckable waitress--

466
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:08,795
No--

467
00:17:11,298 --> 00:17:13,433
God, fuckity-fuck
fuck fuck.

468
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:15,835
Hey there, sport.

469
00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:17,570
Hey.
Hi.

470
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:19,005
Need help?

471
00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:21,374
I just-- I haven't done
that in a while.

472
00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:22,709
Great, yeah.

473
00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:24,477
Oh, you know what, no.

474
00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:25,745
I can't do that.

475
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:26,846
Every time
I steal a cigarette

476
00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:29,316
My son tells me
I smell like grandpa.

477
00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:30,983
My son, who's gonna
have to put himself

478
00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:33,086
Through trade school
sucking off truck drivers

479
00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:35,822
Because we're
30,000 dollars short

480
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:37,490
And there's 40 minutes left.

481
00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:40,293
Why are you
staring at me?

482
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,495
Actually just having
this crazy revelation.

483
00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:46,833
I just told my agent that
I can't play a suburban mom,

484
00:17:46,933 --> 00:17:48,435
But then I look at you,

485
00:17:48,535 --> 00:17:51,238
And this whole
"Verge of hysteria" thing,

486
00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:53,606
That's-- I can do that,
I can totally do that.

487
00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:56,709
Yeah wow, auditions.

488
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:57,944
I do not miss that.

489
00:17:58,044 --> 00:17:59,279
They're awful.

490
00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:00,747
Sitting in a casting room

491
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:03,283
With a dozen women that
look exactly like you.

492
00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:04,884
Who would murder
each other

493
00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:07,019
To get a couple
lines on Becker.

494
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:08,288
Waiting around,
oh you didn't get the part.

495
00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:09,722
You were too funny.

496
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:10,723
You're not funny enough.

497
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:11,758
Oh you're too tall.

498
00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:13,160
You're too cold,
you're too--

499
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:15,228
I've gotten
"Too jew-y" before.

500
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:17,063
Really.
Yeah,

501
00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:20,133
And I was reading
for "diary of anne Frank." so--

502
00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:23,736
Mysterious, yeah.

503
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:24,704
You know what,
seriously

504
00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:26,439
Would much rather
just be shooting hoops

505
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:28,040
In the driveway
with sam.

506
00:18:28,141 --> 00:18:29,476
I don't know
how you do it.

507
00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:32,879
Auction ends in 30 minutes.

508
00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:35,348
I am so fucked.

509
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,950
Hey, how much money
did you you say you needed

510
00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:39,319
To reach your goal?

511
00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:42,255
No, listen to me.

512
00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:43,356
Third wife-- no kids.

513
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:44,524
You put your foot
down on that.

514
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,959
Okay well my plan
only calls for two wives.

515
00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:48,795
Yeah see, first one--
crazy vegas wedding

516
00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:50,297
With someone
more famous than me.

517
00:18:50,397 --> 00:18:51,898
You know,
gets me in the tabloids.

518
00:18:51,998 --> 00:18:52,899
I dunno, a lohan.

519
00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:54,601
Maybe an Olsen twin.

520
00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,170
Shit, I'm gonna--

521
00:18:57,937 --> 00:18:59,739
Someone outbid you,
Leonard.

522
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,774
Jesus christ
on a fuck-stick!

523
00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:03,410
I bid
20-cum-sucking-grand!

524
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:06,012
What kind of retarded
starfucker outbid me?

525
00:19:06,112 --> 00:19:06,979
Tom's an icon,

526
00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:08,114
This is l.a.

527
00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:10,116
People have
disposable income.

528
00:19:10,217 --> 00:19:11,551
You once told me
you'd drink two pints

529
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,886
Of ape sperm to play
pebble beach with Tiger Woods.

530
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:14,854
Yeah but that's sports.

531
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:15,922
Sports are cool.

532
00:19:16,022 --> 00:19:17,257
Tom Hanks
is a grown man

533
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:19,492
Who wears eyeliner
and plays make believe.

534
00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:20,927
It's faggy.

535
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,762
Fuck, what's the new bid?

536
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:23,896
40.

537
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,032
40 grand--
another fucking 20 grand?

538
00:19:26,132 --> 00:19:27,434
Jesus.

539
00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:29,302
Would you prefer eight years
of driving to The Valley

540
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:31,003
For every school function?

541
00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:33,806
Maybe you could
just call Tom and beg.

542
00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:35,174
Hey this is your fault

543
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:37,009
And I'm firing
your fucking tennis coach.

544
00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:38,245
Okay, you can
find somebody

545
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:39,512
Who'll fuck
you for free.

546
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,715
He's a pilates
instructor.

547
00:19:43,216 --> 00:19:44,884
Dick.

548
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:46,853
Vodka red bull.

549
00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:49,822
Oh shit,
that was awkward.

550
00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:52,259
What was?

551
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,861
You know--
if he remembered us hooking up.

552
00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:56,963
I don't remember
us hooking up.

553
00:19:57,063 --> 00:20:01,301
Oh uh, well we did...

554
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:04,637
Sounds like it was awesome.

555
00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:07,073
Hello moms and dads!

556
00:20:07,173 --> 00:20:09,742
This is your last chance
to put in your bids.

557
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:12,178
I'm telling you,
I have inside information,

558
00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:13,112
This is definitely
gonna work.

559
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:14,213
The auction ends in...

560
00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:15,615
This is so dumb.

561
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,684
Not only won't I get
a letter of recommendation,

562
00:20:17,784 --> 00:20:20,253
But now I'm on the hook
for 40,000 dollars.

563
00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:22,088
I'm so fucked.

564
00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:24,924
18, 17, 16...

565
00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:26,493
Oh my god.

566
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:31,698
Hey look, look.

567
00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:32,732
11...

568
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:36,803
Ten, nine, eight...

569
00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:40,707
Oh, I think sammy
maybe just got into stanford.

570
00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:42,775
Here we go!

571
00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:46,846
Four, three, two, one!

572
00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:49,015
Moms and dads!

573
00:20:49,115 --> 00:20:50,783
I have some very good news.

574
00:20:50,883 --> 00:20:54,487
We have just reached
our fund raising total.

575
00:20:57,657 --> 00:21:00,126
I would like to say
a very special thank you

576
00:21:00,226 --> 00:21:02,762
To our auction chairwoman,

577
00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:04,431
Ms. Annie legros.

578
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:06,265
Come on up here.

579
00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:07,867
Oooh, see?

580
00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:08,901
Suburban mom!

581
00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:10,202
Not such a bad gig.

582
00:21:10,303 --> 00:21:11,604
And don't forget everyone,

583
00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:12,972
I want you to stick around

584
00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:15,375
For our precious
lights singers--

585
00:21:22,515 --> 00:21:24,216
And then he says,
"Don't do it;

586
00:21:24,317 --> 00:21:26,319
It's a waste of time."

587
00:21:26,419 --> 00:21:27,854
And I was like,

588
00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:31,123
Uh yeah, well we know you've
given up on your dreams, Henry,

589
00:21:31,223 --> 00:21:32,525
But does that mean
that you have poop

590
00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:33,760
On everybody else's
pound cake?

591
00:21:33,860 --> 00:21:36,329
It's gone to his head--
being team leader.

592
00:21:36,429 --> 00:21:37,330
Now, he's rubbed
my nose in it

593
00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:39,198
Ever since
I got here today.

594
00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:40,333
See that's why
I'm trying to give him

595
00:21:40,433 --> 00:21:41,300
A taste of his own medicine.

596
00:21:41,401 --> 00:21:42,268
Popping pills

597
00:21:42,369 --> 00:21:43,570
And sulking.

598
00:21:43,670 --> 00:21:45,972
Now, all I gotta do
is try to convince Casey

599
00:21:46,072 --> 00:21:49,141
To sneak off with me,
have sex.

600
00:21:49,241 --> 00:21:50,843
Uh-oh, I don't think
your little girlfriend's

601
00:21:50,943 --> 00:21:52,111
Gonna like that too much.

602
00:21:52,211 --> 00:21:53,913
No not really
have sex with me.

603
00:21:54,013 --> 00:21:55,482
See, this is what Henry
and Casey used to do

604
00:21:55,582 --> 00:21:57,316
When I was team leader.

605
00:21:57,417 --> 00:21:59,151
You know, and I just want
him to acknowledge

606
00:21:59,251 --> 00:22:01,788
The fact that
he put me through some shit.

607
00:22:01,888 --> 00:22:05,625
But I don't think Casey's
gonna for it.

608
00:22:06,859 --> 00:22:08,528
Well.

609
00:22:08,628 --> 00:22:10,329
Would any co-worker do?

610
00:22:24,811 --> 00:22:28,180
Hey, I've decided
to make a list

611
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:30,016
Of reasons why
you shouldn't quit.

612
00:22:31,551 --> 00:22:34,020
Um, I'm actually
only thinking of two,

613
00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:36,122
But still, I think that
qualifies as a "list"--

614
00:22:36,222 --> 00:22:38,224
I got the part.

615
00:22:38,324 --> 00:22:39,559
In the
apatow movie.

616
00:22:39,659 --> 00:22:40,860
What?

617
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,194
Holy shit, really?

618
00:22:42,294 --> 00:22:44,096
I have a wardrobe
fitting on monday.

619
00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:45,865
That's great!

620
00:22:46,933 --> 00:22:47,900
Oh, okay.

621
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:50,169
Wow, that's great.

622
00:22:50,269 --> 00:22:52,839
Thank you for
making a list though!

623
00:22:52,939 --> 00:22:55,007
Sure, no problem.

624
00:22:55,107 --> 00:22:57,109
Hey can I uh,
buy you a drink?

625
00:22:58,044 --> 00:22:59,145
Yes,

626
00:22:59,245 --> 00:23:01,714
Yes you can--
you can buy me a drink.

627
00:23:01,814 --> 00:23:02,915
So Henry,

628
00:23:03,015 --> 00:23:05,017
You were like a big deal
at one point.
Yeah.

629
00:23:05,117 --> 00:23:06,553
You gotta tell me
what to do.

630
00:23:06,653 --> 00:23:08,888
Like who do I-- how do I know
which of the little people

631
00:23:08,988 --> 00:23:10,322
To like, totally crush?

632
00:23:10,423 --> 00:23:11,658
Oh it's just
totally random.

633
00:23:11,758 --> 00:23:14,093
You just start arbitrarily
fucking people over.

634
00:23:14,193 --> 00:23:15,762
Cool, I can do that.

635
00:23:19,466 --> 00:23:22,502
Is somebody slaughtering
a water Buffalo in there?

636
00:23:22,602 --> 00:23:25,071
Well, I'm pretty sure
this is for my benefit.

637
00:23:25,872 --> 00:23:27,373
I feel daddy dick.

638
00:23:27,474 --> 00:23:28,608
Oh you love daddy dick
don't you?

639
00:23:28,708 --> 00:23:29,842
I love daddy dick.

640
00:23:29,942 --> 00:23:32,144
Well Ron certainly sounds
like a world class lover.

641
00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:33,813
Yeah, he has real
staying power.

642
00:23:33,913 --> 00:23:35,482
Sir!

643
00:23:35,582 --> 00:23:37,650
I would like
you and your crew

644
00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:39,919
Off this property
immediately!

645
00:23:40,019 --> 00:23:41,654
Come along children.

646
00:23:41,754 --> 00:23:43,523
Your supervisor
will be hearing from me.

647
00:23:43,623 --> 00:23:45,892
Hippity hop everybody,
hippity hop.

648
00:23:45,992 --> 00:23:47,960
You can't handle the truth!

649
00:23:48,060 --> 00:23:49,862
"The truth" being the name
I gave my penis.

650
00:23:49,962 --> 00:23:51,263
Henry?

651
00:23:51,363 --> 00:23:53,099
Yeah.

652
00:23:53,199 --> 00:23:56,969
Is it too late
for me to apologize

653
00:23:57,069 --> 00:24:00,106
For being an asshole
about you being the boss?

654
00:24:00,206 --> 00:24:02,542
'cause I can kinda
see now

655
00:24:02,642 --> 00:24:05,444
How much of a
suck-ass job it is.

656
00:24:06,112 --> 00:24:07,747
Ron?

657
00:24:07,847 --> 00:24:09,482
Is that Ron?

658
00:24:10,082 --> 00:24:11,618
Shit!

659
00:24:12,451 --> 00:24:14,120
Take my big fat dick.

660
00:24:14,220 --> 00:24:15,788
Take my big fat dick.

661
00:24:15,888 --> 00:24:18,024
Can you take it?
Oh yeah baby!

662
00:24:19,358 --> 00:24:21,794
Yeah cock master, yeah!

663
00:24:21,894 --> 00:24:24,463
Get in, balls too,
there's room.

664
00:24:24,564 --> 00:24:25,798
Yeah, now!

665
00:24:25,898 --> 00:24:27,299
Now that you have
everything in there--

666
00:24:27,399 --> 00:24:28,935
Hey guys.

667
00:24:34,707 --> 00:24:37,476
Did it really sound
like we were having sex?

668
00:24:37,577 --> 00:24:39,211
I'm sorry Henry,
I'm sorry.

669
00:24:39,311 --> 00:24:40,580
Was it something we said?

670
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:42,682
That's very funny.

671
00:24:42,782 --> 00:24:45,685
Ron, mandy just
took off in your car.

672
00:24:45,785 --> 00:24:47,854
She was outside the tent
for that last bit.

673
00:24:48,921 --> 00:24:49,822
Mandy!

674
00:24:49,922 --> 00:24:51,157
Mandy!

675
00:24:59,999 --> 00:25:01,200
Well there's a lesson
in there somewhere right?

676
00:25:01,300 --> 00:25:02,535
Hey, fuck face.

677
00:25:02,635 --> 00:25:04,403
I just found that that bitch
who was bidding against me

678
00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:06,405
Is some flat
broke divorcee.

679
00:25:06,505 --> 00:25:07,640
You fucked me,
didn't you?

680
00:25:07,740 --> 00:25:09,909
You, you cost me
20 grand.

681
00:25:10,009 --> 00:25:13,980
All right, here's a promise,
you fucking has-been never-was.

682
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:16,148
You'll never work
in this town again.

683
00:25:19,318 --> 00:25:20,620
I know.

684
00:25:37,670 --> 00:25:39,005
Lydia, what happened
to your arm?

685
00:25:39,105 --> 00:25:40,673
Oh, Henry.

686
00:25:40,773 --> 00:25:42,408
It's so sweet
of you to notice.

687
00:25:42,508 --> 00:25:43,943
It's escapade.

688
00:25:44,043 --> 00:25:45,678
We were working on our
trust falls

689
00:25:45,778 --> 00:25:47,279
And I guess it was
kinda silly of me

690
00:25:47,379 --> 00:25:48,615
To expect at 14 year old

691
00:25:48,715 --> 00:25:50,883
To be able to catch
my dead weight.

692
00:25:50,983 --> 00:25:52,685
Trust falls?

693
00:25:52,785 --> 00:25:54,053
You live and learn.

694
00:25:55,287 --> 00:25:56,623
Hey, so did you get it?

695
00:25:56,723 --> 00:25:59,358
Oh yeah man,
right here.

696
00:25:59,458 --> 00:26:02,028
Uncanny x-men numero quatro.

697
00:26:02,128 --> 00:26:03,596
300, right?
Yeah.

698
00:26:05,031 --> 00:26:07,900
Oh, nice.

699
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:08,901
Okay so uh--

700
00:26:09,001 --> 00:26:11,203
20, 30--

701
00:26:11,303 --> 00:26:13,039
Told you so.

702
00:26:13,139 --> 00:26:15,274
50--

703
00:26:15,374 --> 00:26:16,943
I'm gonna
make a pile here.

704
00:27:15,334 --> 00:27:17,003
Tree!

704
00:27:18,305 --> 00:28:18,908