"Too Much" Notting Kill

1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,833 There's something I've been meaning to tell you, but… 2 00:00:10,750 --> 00:00:15,000 …I'm scared 'cause this has been going so well, and… 3 00:00:15,083 --> 00:00:16,958 -Wait, what? -I don't want you to end it. 4 00:00:17,041 --> 00:00:19,750 What is it? Stop scaring me. 5 00:00:19,833 --> 00:00:21,625 -Mm. -Dear Wendy Jones. 6 00:00:21,708 --> 00:00:24,541 As grown women, we think we've developed good instincts. 7 00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:27,083 That we can spot the red flags waving in the distance 8 00:00:27,166 --> 00:00:28,625 and take a different route. 9 00:00:28,708 --> 00:00:31,041 But sometimes we can't see them. 10 00:00:31,125 --> 00:00:33,000 Not until it's too late. 11 00:00:33,083 --> 00:00:34,500 What? 12 00:00:34,583 --> 00:00:35,833 -What? -All right. 13 00:00:36,916 --> 00:00:39,166 My Bar Mitzvah theme was Weezer. 14 00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:44,500 What are you talking about? That's not a Bar Mitzvah theme. 15 00:00:44,583 --> 00:00:46,458 -It sure as fuck was. -Was not. 16 00:00:46,541 --> 00:00:49,166 Yeah. Everybody wore these Rivers Cuomo glasses. 17 00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:53,750 And my brother and I, we got on stage, and we had these inflatable guitars, 18 00:00:53,833 --> 00:00:57,250 and we were lip-synching to "Undone - The Sweater Song." 19 00:00:57,333 --> 00:00:59,833 Oh my God. Mm. 20 00:00:59,916 --> 00:01:02,708 Oh no, see? Now you're gonna dump me. 21 00:01:02,791 --> 00:01:07,541 -I knew I shouldn't have said anything. -No. You're so cute, I wanna crush you. 22 00:01:09,375 --> 00:01:11,041 -You know what? -Hmm? 23 00:01:11,750 --> 00:01:15,666 ♪ If you want to destroy my sweater ♪ 24 00:01:15,750 --> 00:01:17,458 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ 25 00:01:17,541 --> 00:01:21,125 ♪ Pull this thread as I walk away ♪ 26 00:01:21,208 --> 00:01:24,708 ♪ As I walk away Let me unravel ♪ 27 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:32,074 28 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,791 ♪ Starin' down the barrel of the hot sun ♪ 29 00:01:36,875 --> 00:01:39,791 -♪ Shinin' with the sheen of a shotgun ♪ -♪ Shotgun ♪ 30 00:01:39,875 --> 00:01:42,541 ♪ Carol has a little if we need some ♪ 31 00:01:42,625 --> 00:01:45,500 ♪ Joa has a ride if we wanna come ♪ 32 00:01:45,583 --> 00:01:48,166 ♪ Hangin' your jeans with a clothespin ♪ 33 00:01:48,250 --> 00:01:51,291 ♪ Skin still wet, still on my skin ♪ 34 00:01:51,375 --> 00:01:53,958 ♪ Mango in your mouth, juice drippin' ♪ 35 00:01:54,041 --> 00:01:56,666 ♪ Shoulder of your shirtsleeve slippin' ♪ 36 00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:59,625 ♪ I don't wanna talk about anyone ♪ 37 00:01:59,708 --> 00:02:02,416 ♪ I don't wanna talk about anyone ♪ 38 00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:04,166 ♪ I wanna sleep in your car ♪ 39 00:02:04,250 --> 00:02:05,583 ♪ While you're drivin' ♪ 40 00:02:05,666 --> 00:02:08,291 ♪ Lay on your lap when I'm cryin' ♪ 41 00:02:15,416 --> 00:02:18,625 X marks the spot with the dot, dot, dot. 42 00:02:18,708 --> 00:02:21,750 A dash and a slash and a question mark. 43 00:02:21,833 --> 00:02:25,166 A man comes around and stabs you in the back. 44 00:02:25,250 --> 00:02:26,750 -He stabs you in the back. -Ow! 45 00:02:26,833 --> 00:02:28,583 And the blood drips down. 46 00:02:28,666 --> 00:02:31,375 -Criss-cross, applesauce… -You're making it up. 47 00:02:31,458 --> 00:02:34,208 -Spider on your shoulder. -You're a spider now? 48 00:02:34,291 --> 00:02:37,166 Cool breeze. 49 00:02:37,250 --> 00:02:39,208 And a tight squeeze. 50 00:02:39,291 --> 00:02:42,541 -No. -And now you have the shiveries! Mm. 51 00:02:42,625 --> 00:02:45,583 I don't buy it. I think you just made that whole thing up. 52 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:46,625 No, it's a game. 53 00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:49,166 We used to play it in summer camp, an all-girls camp. 54 00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:51,833 It was actually really cozy. You would have really fit in. 55 00:02:51,916 --> 00:02:55,916 -Cool. -How many tattoos do you have, by the way? 56 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:59,208 Uh, I don't know. Like 8 or 9, I think. I can't remember. 57 00:02:59,291 --> 00:03:01,375 Do any of 'em mean anything? 58 00:03:03,041 --> 00:03:04,458 Um… 59 00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:08,958 Uh, no. Not really, no. 60 00:03:09,041 --> 00:03:12,458 -Really? Not even that one? -Which one? 61 00:03:13,333 --> 00:03:16,208 -This one, on your ass. It says "poly." -Oh. 62 00:03:16,291 --> 00:03:18,583 Is that, like, a lifestyle signifier? 63 00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:20,416 No, Polly's just a friend. 64 00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:23,708 We got it in Portugal as a joke when we were there together. 65 00:03:23,791 --> 00:03:26,541 But then the lady spelt it wrong, so, yeah. 66 00:03:27,291 --> 00:03:29,708 It's got one L. I forget that one is there, to be honest. 67 00:03:29,791 --> 00:03:31,416 I don't really think about it that much. 68 00:03:32,208 --> 00:03:34,833 Cool. I love it. That's great. 69 00:03:34,916 --> 00:03:37,625 Friends get tattoos all the time. So, she's a girl, then. 70 00:03:37,708 --> 00:03:41,958 Um, I just am really relieved 'cause I thought it stood for polyamorous. 71 00:03:42,041 --> 00:03:43,416 Polyamorous? 72 00:03:43,916 --> 00:03:46,333 Is that the one where you date lots of women or just one? 73 00:03:46,416 --> 00:03:48,458 I can never remember which way around it is. 74 00:03:48,541 --> 00:03:51,125 Or is it like when you're married to lots of women? 75 00:03:51,958 --> 00:03:54,375 -No. Is that monogamous? -What? 76 00:03:55,041 --> 00:03:56,708 What's monogamous? 77 00:03:57,333 --> 00:03:59,666 Is that like… That's the same thing, isn't it? 78 00:04:00,166 --> 00:04:01,250 Isn't it? 79 00:04:01,333 --> 00:04:04,041 No red flags yet, Wendy. 80 00:04:04,125 --> 00:04:05,833 None at all… over here. 81 00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,958 Liv! Nic! 82 00:04:11,041 --> 00:04:13,125 Come give me a hand! 83 00:04:13,958 --> 00:04:17,208 -Fuckin' hell, you two are so lazy! -Watch your fuckin' language! 84 00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:20,875 Wow. It's so gray there. 85 00:04:20,958 --> 00:04:24,083 I thought it was gonna be, like, you know, all creative vibe 86 00:04:24,166 --> 00:04:26,916 and that it would make me jealous, but, yeah, I'm not jealous. 87 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:30,416 No, it's gorgeous. It's lovely. This just doesn't convey it, you know? 88 00:04:31,041 --> 00:04:33,333 Um, I met someone. 89 00:04:33,416 --> 00:04:37,541 Wow. You know, this is the only area where you waste no time. 90 00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:38,625 Uh, what does he do? 91 00:04:38,708 --> 00:04:40,708 Why is the first question always, "What does he do?" 92 00:04:40,791 --> 00:04:43,166 How about, "How does he make you feel? What does he value?" 93 00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:45,666 "Does he fuck you from behind in, like, a respectful way?" 94 00:04:45,750 --> 00:04:48,500 "Does he finger blast you? Does he know how to finger bang?" 95 00:04:48,583 --> 00:04:51,166 Okay, Jessica. I'm your mother, not your friend. 96 00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:54,041 Keep that in mind. So, he's unemployed? 97 00:04:54,541 --> 00:04:56,833 He's not unemployed. He's an indie musician. 98 00:04:56,916 --> 00:04:58,833 Mm-hmm. And where does he live? 99 00:04:58,916 --> 00:05:00,667 Well, he lives in a really indie neighborhood. 100 00:05:00,750 --> 00:05:02,750 You wouldn't know it. You don't know the London area. 101 00:05:02,833 --> 00:05:05,458 Divorced? Remarried? Still married? 102 00:05:05,541 --> 00:05:06,958 Uh, no, not to my knowledge. 103 00:05:07,041 --> 00:05:09,583 And, yeah, before you ask, he sleeps in every day 104 00:05:09,666 --> 00:05:11,541 because he used to do a lot of cocaine 105 00:05:11,625 --> 00:05:14,458 and he fucked up his circadian rhythms, okay? 106 00:05:14,541 --> 00:05:15,791 Why did I say all of that? 107 00:05:15,875 --> 00:05:19,583 The mommy effect! Ah, that's the mommy effect. 108 00:05:19,666 --> 00:05:23,375 So, listen. I don't think we should be even talking to this guy anymore, 109 00:05:23,458 --> 00:05:25,791 unless you're gonna get married or something like that. 110 00:05:25,875 --> 00:05:28,083 Because there is nothing about this conversation 111 00:05:28,166 --> 00:05:31,750 that makes me think that you have unbroken your broken picker. 112 00:05:31,833 --> 00:05:33,875 I haven't broken my picker! 113 00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:36,666 No, are you serious? I lo… The textures! 114 00:05:36,750 --> 00:05:40,833 I mean, the gradient alone, I mean, it's… And… and… and the juxtaposition. 115 00:05:40,916 --> 00:05:42,833 Office-wide alert! Office-wide alert! 116 00:05:42,916 --> 00:05:45,125 Kim's mood board is so good, 117 00:05:45,208 --> 00:05:48,875 it is making me wanna commit autoerotic asphyxiation! 118 00:05:48,958 --> 00:05:52,500 I know what you're trying to do. Last night's texting was abhorrent. 119 00:05:52,583 --> 00:05:54,833 Okay, well, I'm sorry about that, okay? 120 00:05:54,916 --> 00:05:58,333 I had taken a lot of ketamine in a way that I hadn't tried it before, 121 00:05:58,416 --> 00:05:59,916 and it all got a bit much. 122 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,500 But I'm serious. This is like… 123 00:06:01,583 --> 00:06:05,625 This is like a cultural reset for people who don't even believe in cultural resets. 124 00:06:05,708 --> 00:06:07,083 I agree with that. 125 00:06:08,625 --> 00:06:11,333 It's Helena Bonham Carter in a headband. Cute. 126 00:06:11,416 --> 00:06:13,333 It's sweet. It's The Turin Horse. 127 00:06:13,416 --> 00:06:16,375 -Yes, and it's that old movie! -That was a pop-up. 128 00:06:16,458 --> 00:06:18,708 You seem to be fitting in really well. 129 00:06:18,791 --> 00:06:21,083 I did get a couple of names for a hair and makeup team 130 00:06:21,166 --> 00:06:22,375 if you want me to send them. 131 00:06:22,458 --> 00:06:24,708 I actually wanted to invite you for dinner this evening. 132 00:06:24,791 --> 00:06:28,000 Wow. That's a little intimate, but sure. I mean, I'm open. 133 00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:30,416 -I'm coming. -I'm coming. 134 00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:31,458 Even I'm coming. 135 00:06:31,541 --> 00:06:34,791 My wife and I are having a little get-together for the team. Yeah. 136 00:06:34,875 --> 00:06:37,500 It's good to form a bit of a bond. Emphasis on "a bit." 137 00:06:37,583 --> 00:06:40,166 Oh, and, uh, let Josie know the name of your date 138 00:06:40,250 --> 00:06:43,375 so that my wife can watercolor a placement card, um, 139 00:06:43,458 --> 00:06:44,833 or whatever she has planned. 140 00:06:44,916 --> 00:06:49,250 And, uh, if you're gluten or veganarian or whatever. 141 00:06:50,791 --> 00:06:55,208 Oh, and, uh, don't forget those ten red flags, okay? 142 00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:08,666 Oh! I'm Julia Roberts, bitch! 143 00:07:08,750 --> 00:07:10,458 -Wait. Are you doing the picture now? -Yeah. 144 00:07:10,541 --> 00:07:12,166 -Don't do landscape. -Oh, sorry. 145 00:07:12,250 --> 00:07:14,375 -Yeah. -But you can still see blue. 146 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,666 -Do you wanna give me that bag? -Yeah. 147 00:07:16,750 --> 00:07:19,916 -Can I see what's going on? Oh. -Yeah. Have a look. It's like… 148 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,583 Have you ever taken a picture of a woman before? 149 00:07:22,666 --> 00:07:26,208 Oh my God, I love it. This is the London I came here for. 150 00:07:26,291 --> 00:07:28,875 The London I deserve! It's like out of a movie. 151 00:07:28,958 --> 00:07:30,416 Yeah, a horror movie. 152 00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:33,041 Trust me, I grew up with the broken children of these houses, 153 00:07:33,125 --> 00:07:35,958 and it's way more Shining than it is Richard Curtis. 154 00:07:36,041 --> 00:07:38,125 I know they're sort of painted all fancy colors, 155 00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:41,875 but these people are full of pent-up rage and dark secrets. 156 00:07:41,958 --> 00:07:44,333 I know, but look, it's a yellow house. 157 00:07:45,166 --> 00:07:47,666 -Yeah, it's yellow. It's pretty. -Listen. 158 00:07:47,750 --> 00:07:51,041 Okay, so, you know, this is my boss. My new boss. 159 00:07:51,125 --> 00:07:54,250 And these are people that I work with, so I just wanted to let you know, like, 160 00:07:54,333 --> 00:07:55,541 let's just play it cool. 161 00:07:55,625 --> 00:08:00,041 Like two normal people. Cool as a cucumber, just me and you and… 162 00:08:00,125 --> 00:08:03,166 And I'm not trying to control you. I wouldn't want you to control me. 163 00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:05,042 -I want us to feel free in this… -No, I get it. 164 00:08:05,125 --> 00:08:08,250 Sort of whatever we're doing, I want you to feel free as a bird, but… 165 00:08:08,333 --> 00:08:10,000 -Maybe lose the hat. -Just be normal. 166 00:08:10,083 --> 00:08:13,041 Don't even think about the hat. It was never even on! Looks so nice. 167 00:08:13,666 --> 00:08:15,000 There was one girl called… 168 00:08:15,083 --> 00:08:17,541 I think she was called, like, Victoria Peterson or something. 169 00:08:17,625 --> 00:08:20,750 She lives on one of these streets, and basically, she was throwing up. 170 00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:24,000 But because she'd drunk so much Guinness, like, it was all black. 171 00:08:24,083 --> 00:08:27,958 So, it looked like she was like a scene from The Exorcist or something. 172 00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:30,333 -I see. -That's the shit we're dealing with. 173 00:08:30,416 --> 00:08:33,000 Oh my God. They have a blue door too! Mm. 174 00:08:34,166 --> 00:08:36,375 Come on. That's the quietest knocking I've heard. 175 00:08:36,458 --> 00:08:37,666 Now, that was aggressive. 176 00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:40,166 They're gonna think I'm a delivery person or something. 177 00:08:40,250 --> 00:08:41,291 Okay. 178 00:08:42,583 --> 00:08:44,375 -Well, hello! -Hi. 179 00:08:44,458 --> 00:08:46,625 Look at you both! What a breath… 180 00:08:46,708 --> 00:08:50,291 I'm Jessica. I work with Jonno. And this is my… friend. 181 00:08:50,375 --> 00:08:52,250 -Friend Felix. My… Felix. -Hi. 182 00:08:52,333 --> 00:08:54,208 -Nice to meet you. -What a breath of fresh air. 183 00:08:54,291 --> 00:08:55,291 And look at this coat! 184 00:08:55,375 --> 00:08:57,166 I can tell you're gonna be an absolute bore. 185 00:08:57,250 --> 00:09:00,791 -Is it a coat or a dress? -Um, it's a coat! Here we go! 186 00:09:00,875 --> 00:09:03,958 Oh, normally, we're stuck here with toffs talking about ski slopes. 187 00:09:04,041 --> 00:09:06,583 -Come on in. What a relief you are. -Okay, thanks. 188 00:09:06,666 --> 00:09:09,958 Uh, spoiler alert. It's a candle. Just a nice-smelling candle. 189 00:09:10,041 --> 00:09:12,250 You probably have a million. Put it in your candle closet. 190 00:09:12,333 --> 00:09:16,125 You can never have too many sniff-sniffs, can you? Come on in! 191 00:09:16,208 --> 00:09:18,750 -Did she just say… -"Sniff-sniffs," yeah. 192 00:09:18,833 --> 00:09:21,375 -M'kay. -Not judgin'. Not judgin'. 193 00:09:21,458 --> 00:09:24,041 When I realized that fonts were my way in, 194 00:09:24,125 --> 00:09:26,666 travel suddenly looked not only like personal enlightenment. 195 00:09:26,750 --> 00:09:28,916 -But also professional... -Fascinating, yeah. Yeah. 196 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,625 I'm hanging on every word of this story. 197 00:09:30,708 --> 00:09:33,833 But I have to pause and ask, have you been to Lamu Island? 198 00:09:33,916 --> 00:09:36,875 -Mm. Kenya. -Yeah. The archipelago. 199 00:09:36,958 --> 00:09:38,416 -Just off the coast. -Um, no. 200 00:09:39,166 --> 00:09:41,666 You know, everything in this room that you see 201 00:09:41,750 --> 00:09:44,416 is, like, worth, like, hundreds of thousands of pounds. 202 00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:48,083 -There you are! -Oh. Oh, we don't drink, actually. But... 203 00:09:48,166 --> 00:09:49,666 -More for me. I'll take it. -Okay. 204 00:09:49,750 --> 00:09:51,916 They look gorgeous. Glug, glug, glug. More for me. 205 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,917 He doesn't need anything. Doesn't even like water. 206 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,458 So, he's good. He's not thirsty. 207 00:09:55,541 --> 00:09:59,666 All right. You must meet my cousin up from the country, 208 00:09:59,750 --> 00:10:04,083 Imogen Tinsley-Derbyshire, and her wife, Bryony, over there. They run the… 209 00:10:04,666 --> 00:10:06,625 Bon appétit to edible condoms. 210 00:10:09,625 --> 00:10:12,458 Yeah, I don't know if it was, I kept getting different UTIs. 211 00:10:12,541 --> 00:10:16,958 Like, I don't know if I'm getting 50 UTIs a year or it's one long UTI. 212 00:10:17,041 --> 00:10:20,541 You know, it's, like, some days I'll wake up, I'm on top of the world. 213 00:10:20,625 --> 00:10:25,083 Other days, I'm waking up and my piss hole's, like, burning fire. 214 00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:28,833 I see. I see. Have you tried D-man nose? 215 00:10:28,916 --> 00:10:30,291 It's a monosaccharide. 216 00:10:30,375 --> 00:10:32,958 How do you feel about, um, buttock implants? 217 00:10:35,416 --> 00:10:37,458 -I'm serious. -I haven't thought much about them. 218 00:10:37,541 --> 00:10:40,791 I don't know if I should be having this conversation with my boss. 219 00:10:40,875 --> 00:10:41,875 Why? 220 00:10:41,958 --> 00:10:43,375 So, he calls me on Sunday night. 221 00:10:43,458 --> 00:10:45,875 He's like, "I'm at Berghain. I've been here for 48 hours." 222 00:10:45,958 --> 00:10:47,958 "You should come." It's like, "What is going on?" 223 00:10:48,041 --> 00:10:51,833 The Kardashians have them, and Madonna's followed suit. I mean… 224 00:10:52,458 --> 00:10:54,625 Mm. Is there butter? 225 00:10:54,708 --> 00:10:57,750 Is that a pill that you're talking about? I have, um, glottal terror. 226 00:10:57,833 --> 00:11:01,291 So I don't want to swallow things that I'm not supposed to swallow. Just… 227 00:11:01,375 --> 00:11:03,958 I know the feeling. Jonno… 228 00:11:05,625 --> 00:11:07,958 I'll suck the guy off. I'm not… I'm not swallowing it. 229 00:11:08,041 --> 00:11:09,625 -I'll spit it out! -Oh God. 230 00:11:11,125 --> 00:11:14,875 Excuse me. Oh! I'm sweating like a sow. 231 00:11:14,958 --> 00:11:18,041 The menopause really should come with clearer warnings. 232 00:11:18,125 --> 00:11:20,500 I love how you guys say, like, "the menopause." 233 00:11:20,583 --> 00:11:22,208 Like it's like a celebrity. 234 00:11:22,291 --> 00:11:24,875 You know, like, "Is that the menopause?" 235 00:11:24,958 --> 00:11:26,875 "It is. Come get a picture with me." 236 00:11:26,958 --> 00:11:29,208 What do you say in America? 237 00:11:30,250 --> 00:11:32,541 Um, just "menopause." 238 00:11:33,333 --> 00:11:34,333 Oh. 239 00:11:36,208 --> 00:11:39,458 I'm not quite there yet, but I do have PCOS, 240 00:11:39,541 --> 00:11:40,750 and that gives you cysts 241 00:11:40,833 --> 00:11:44,500 and fuzzy sideburns I have to shave off with a literal man's razor. 242 00:11:44,583 --> 00:11:47,875 Look, if you need anything while you're here in London, health-wise, 243 00:11:47,958 --> 00:11:50,250 I'm just a phone call away, all right? 244 00:11:50,333 --> 00:11:52,708 That is so nice of you to say. 245 00:11:52,791 --> 00:11:54,125 -I love you. -Oh. 246 00:11:54,208 --> 00:11:57,208 Piss and cum galore, I've heard. 247 00:11:57,291 --> 00:11:59,666 I've heard. I can't wait to go. Can't wait to go. 248 00:11:59,750 --> 00:12:02,041 -I've been wanting to go. -Yeah. You'll never forget it. 249 00:12:02,125 --> 00:12:03,833 Anyway, he's like, "Come. You should come." 250 00:12:03,916 --> 00:12:06,083 And it's, like, "Relax, babe." Right? 251 00:12:06,166 --> 00:12:09,125 Like, I like him, but not take a flight to Germany 252 00:12:09,208 --> 00:12:12,416 to fish him out of a sex dungeon levels of like him. 253 00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:14,458 -Like, some things are deal-breakers. -Yeah. 254 00:12:14,541 --> 00:12:16,833 I don't have a lot of resources or friends here, you know? 255 00:12:16,916 --> 00:12:20,166 Well, at least you have your lovely partner. 256 00:12:20,250 --> 00:12:22,250 -Mm. -How long have you two been together? 257 00:12:22,333 --> 00:12:26,083 Um, you know, my instinct is to lie to you, but I want to be honest. 258 00:12:26,166 --> 00:12:28,333 Ten days. I've been with my partner for ten days. 259 00:12:28,416 --> 00:12:31,375 Well, no wonder you've got those issues down there. 260 00:12:31,458 --> 00:12:33,958 You're basically hanging from the rafters still. 261 00:12:34,041 --> 00:12:37,708 -Yeah, he's fuckin' me raw! No condom. -Oh my goodness! 262 00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:42,208 I've always found, like, engaging with people's inner lives 263 00:12:42,291 --> 00:12:44,958 is kind of a waste of energy, you know? 264 00:12:45,041 --> 00:12:47,833 I can go deeper by staying on the surface. 265 00:12:47,916 --> 00:12:50,750 -Literally, cheers to that. -Oh, we don't cheers, but that's lovely. 266 00:12:50,833 --> 00:12:52,708 -And you're amazing. -Thank you. 267 00:12:52,791 --> 00:12:55,583 Is that why you don't make eye contact with me? 268 00:12:55,666 --> 00:12:57,208 To stay on the surface or whatever? 269 00:12:57,291 --> 00:13:00,833 'Cause you haven't looked at me a single time for the whole evening. 270 00:13:00,916 --> 00:13:04,291 I just find, like… I'm so honest, and this is really brutal. 271 00:13:04,375 --> 00:13:08,875 I only make eye contact with people that I know that I'm not gonna fuck. 272 00:13:08,958 --> 00:13:11,875 'Cause it's too much. At dinner, especially, it's like… 273 00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:13,458 So, you know you're not gonna fuck him 274 00:13:13,541 --> 00:13:15,791 'cause you've looked at him quite a few times. 275 00:13:15,875 --> 00:13:18,375 But you're worried about, like, that we might fuck. 276 00:13:18,458 --> 00:13:21,125 That… To put… If you're gonna be, like, really specific 277 00:13:21,208 --> 00:13:23,666 about in terms of who I would and wouldn't fuck at the table, 278 00:13:23,750 --> 00:13:25,916 that is… yeah, that is absolutely what I'm saying. 279 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,416 -Okay. -For sure. Which is no reflection on… 280 00:13:28,500 --> 00:13:31,083 Like, you're… you are great, but there is more of a… 281 00:13:31,166 --> 00:13:34,458 You can feel that there's a vibe! There's a vibe, but then you're going… 282 00:13:34,541 --> 00:13:37,083 -Enormous vibe, yeah. -You're with my colleague, you know? 283 00:13:37,166 --> 00:13:40,083 And like, what do we do? Like Romeo and Juliet over here. 284 00:13:40,166 --> 00:13:42,541 I don't know. Like, I'm so scared of her dying. 285 00:13:42,625 --> 00:13:44,625 You know, I'm so scared of the tumor coming back. 286 00:13:44,708 --> 00:13:46,916 I mean, it's gone, but they come back, you know? 287 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:50,250 And I just lay in bed at night thinking about Astrid dying, 288 00:13:50,333 --> 00:13:52,250 and I'm writing her obituary in my mind. 289 00:13:52,333 --> 00:13:55,041 It should be published in The Times or People Mag. 290 00:13:55,125 --> 00:13:57,208 I don't know what I would do without that little lady. 291 00:13:57,291 --> 00:14:00,916 She has better thoughts than all of us. She's better than all of us. 292 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:04,666 You, my darling… you are just cracking my heart open 293 00:14:04,750 --> 00:14:08,791 with that big, brave ability to just… love. 294 00:14:08,875 --> 00:14:11,375 Oh, you are so beautiful. 295 00:14:11,458 --> 00:14:13,000 Look at you. 296 00:14:14,166 --> 00:14:17,041 Why don't you come with me just for a little minute? 297 00:14:17,125 --> 00:14:18,875 I want to show you something special. 298 00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:22,625 I will zip my lip and throw away the key. No one needs to know. 299 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,875 -Does that feel better? -Yeah. Just what the doctor ordered. 300 00:14:43,958 --> 00:14:46,416 This is a nice party. 301 00:14:47,166 --> 00:14:48,500 -Oh God. -Feels good, huh? 302 00:14:48,583 --> 00:14:51,291 That's so much better. I needed a mood lifter too. 303 00:14:51,375 --> 00:14:53,875 Me too. I was wondering when we'd do that. 304 00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:58,083 Do you know, I had the most incredible dog. 305 00:14:58,583 --> 00:15:00,208 Lettuce was her name. Lettuce the lurcher. 306 00:15:00,291 --> 00:15:07,041 She had the most profound sixth sense of knowing exactly when I was in pain. 307 00:15:08,125 --> 00:15:11,166 Emotionally, physically… 308 00:15:11,250 --> 00:15:12,750 Oh. 309 00:15:12,833 --> 00:15:14,666 -May I? -Oh, sure, yeah. 310 00:15:14,750 --> 00:15:17,041 -It's the same color. Isn't that amazing? -Yeah. 311 00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:19,250 You've got such gorgeous lips. 312 00:15:19,333 --> 00:15:20,958 Look at you. 313 00:15:21,041 --> 00:15:22,416 It was… 314 00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:26,250 It was like, she would stay so closely at my heel, obsessively. 315 00:15:26,333 --> 00:15:29,541 Almost to the point where it was irritating, like… 316 00:15:29,625 --> 00:15:33,208 -Like an ex-lover you can't get rid of. -Hmm. 317 00:15:33,291 --> 00:15:36,041 And it just… it came to be that she… 318 00:15:36,125 --> 00:15:39,458 She just knew when I was hurting even before I did. 319 00:15:39,541 --> 00:15:43,250 When I had to have back surgery, she was there. 320 00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:45,500 And when my mother passed away, she was there. 321 00:15:45,583 --> 00:15:49,000 And that was hours before I even got the news. 322 00:15:49,083 --> 00:15:53,416 And when Jonno had his emotional affair with Kylie Minogue, she was there. 323 00:15:54,416 --> 00:15:56,958 Oh my God. What happened? 324 00:15:58,125 --> 00:16:02,000 -She became like a sister. -No, I mean, like, your dog. 325 00:16:02,083 --> 00:16:04,250 Oh God! Lettuce, yes. 326 00:16:04,333 --> 00:16:06,208 Well… 327 00:16:06,291 --> 00:16:09,500 Yes, it was just heartbreaking. 328 00:16:09,583 --> 00:16:11,291 Gardener left the gate open one night, 329 00:16:11,375 --> 00:16:14,625 she got curious and met a potato truck going down a dark country lane. 330 00:16:14,708 --> 00:16:17,166 -It was devastating. -Oh no. 331 00:16:17,250 --> 00:16:19,791 But here's the thing I've come to realize. 332 00:16:20,291 --> 00:16:22,291 Animals are the most incredible thing, 333 00:16:22,375 --> 00:16:24,875 precisely because of how briefly they're here. 334 00:16:24,958 --> 00:16:28,625 -Yeah. -Thank you. That is so… just… 335 00:16:29,583 --> 00:16:31,833 You're too sweet. You're my Oprah! 336 00:16:31,916 --> 00:16:33,541 Oh! 337 00:16:33,625 --> 00:16:35,833 -Can I be? I love that. Oh! -I love you. 338 00:16:35,916 --> 00:16:37,416 -Sorry. -No, that's okay! 339 00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:39,416 -I love, love, love you! -You are… 340 00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:42,458 You have empathy like I've never known it. 341 00:16:42,541 --> 00:16:45,083 It's unbelievable. I see it in your face. 342 00:16:45,166 --> 00:16:47,833 Right back at you, sister. I see it in yours. 343 00:16:53,125 --> 00:16:55,083 What the fuck? 344 00:17:00,208 --> 00:17:02,708 I don't know. I just, um… With Astrid, I just… 345 00:17:02,791 --> 00:17:04,166 -I trust her so much. -Astrid? 346 00:17:04,250 --> 00:17:07,416 -The dog. She's never done anything wrong. -Oh. God. 347 00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:10,791 You know, she's a perfect angel, and it's so easy to trust her. 348 00:17:10,875 --> 00:17:12,333 -It's so hard to trust people. -Yes. 349 00:17:12,416 --> 00:17:16,375 You know, like Felix. He means well, and he's been so incredible to me. 350 00:17:16,458 --> 00:17:18,500 But I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. 351 00:17:18,583 --> 00:17:22,583 I'm waiting to hear that he has a wife and triplets in Aberdeen or something. 352 00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:24,625 You know, or what if he watches porn too much? 353 00:17:24,708 --> 00:17:28,916 Yes, I know. I'm not completely convinced that Jonno's not an axe murderer. 354 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,458 He's pretty opaque, as I'm sure you've noticed. 355 00:17:31,541 --> 00:17:34,041 I could definitely see him hurting someone. 356 00:17:34,125 --> 00:17:37,333 What? No, he's not violent. He's just moody. 357 00:17:38,750 --> 00:17:41,583 But isn't this the best time? 358 00:17:41,666 --> 00:17:46,916 This time you're in, when it's all so new and delicious and tender and terrifying? 359 00:17:47,750 --> 00:17:52,125 Enjoy it, 'cause pretty soon you'll feel safe and sure, 360 00:17:52,208 --> 00:17:53,666 and you'll have four children. 361 00:17:53,750 --> 00:17:56,708 Then you'll be wishing he'd go to sleep in the garden shed. 362 00:17:56,791 --> 00:17:59,708 And you'll miss those days when you didn't know everything. 363 00:18:01,583 --> 00:18:06,625 Just enough to tip it off. 364 00:18:08,458 --> 00:18:11,708 -You all right? -Hey! What the hell's up, brother? 365 00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:14,125 How was the bathroom? 366 00:18:14,208 --> 00:18:16,500 Oh my God, it is so gorgeous in that bathroom. 367 00:18:16,583 --> 00:18:18,041 She has a beautiful soap dish. 368 00:18:18,125 --> 00:18:21,250 I mean, I didn't even know that you needed a dish for soap. 369 00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:23,666 Gorgeous, elegant, bold, just like Julianne Moore. 370 00:18:23,750 --> 00:18:27,125 The Julianne Moore of soap dishes. Are you having fun with Boss? 371 00:18:27,208 --> 00:18:29,875 -He… so has pink hair. -Yeah. Yeah, no, he's funny. 372 00:18:29,958 --> 00:18:33,208 He has quite confusing values, though. Like all these people. 373 00:18:33,291 --> 00:18:36,000 That guy, the banker guy, was, like, telling me to invest in oil 374 00:18:36,083 --> 00:18:38,666 'cause war is gonna drive the stocks up or some shit. 375 00:18:38,750 --> 00:18:39,875 Nice tip. 376 00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:41,958 -Yeah? -Big money bags! 377 00:18:44,666 --> 00:18:47,041 You okay? You've been doing the…? 378 00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:48,416 No! Oh my God. 379 00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:52,083 No. You are being so weird about the fact that I'm drinking. 380 00:18:52,166 --> 00:18:53,541 And you're being weird about it. 381 00:18:53,625 --> 00:18:57,333 And I told you, I know that I told you that I couldn't drink 382 00:18:57,416 --> 00:18:59,333 because some stuff went down in New York where… 383 00:18:59,416 --> 00:19:01,250 Some stuff where… Okay, I shouldn't be drinking. 384 00:19:01,333 --> 00:19:05,416 But guess what? I think it's the stuff where I can have a drink once in a while. 385 00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:08,000 You know, I can't drink all the time. Of course not. 386 00:19:08,083 --> 00:19:10,916 But, you know, I'm not someone that can't pick up a glass or two. 387 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:14,041 -On a… on a holiday or a party. -Okay. No, I trust you. 388 00:19:14,125 --> 00:19:16,500 What? Now you're being weird about not being weird. 389 00:19:16,583 --> 00:19:18,000 No, I mean, I trust you. 390 00:19:18,083 --> 00:19:20,083 You're a grown-up. You know what you're doing. 391 00:19:20,166 --> 00:19:22,583 You are nasty to me. 392 00:19:22,666 --> 00:19:26,416 -What's nasty about that? -Don't start a fight right now. 393 00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:31,125 My wife trusts me. Big mistake. 394 00:19:31,875 --> 00:19:33,875 That's terrifying to say. 395 00:19:33,958 --> 00:19:35,625 -That's awful, Peter. Sorry. -Yeah. 396 00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:39,333 It's been tough, but I've finally stopped crying myself to sleep at night. 397 00:19:39,416 --> 00:19:41,875 I'm sorry about that. A yoga instructor! 398 00:19:41,958 --> 00:19:43,291 I know. Such a cliché, isn't it? 399 00:19:43,375 --> 00:19:45,958 -You need your intellectual match. -I'm spilling. 400 00:19:46,041 --> 00:19:48,916 Peter's just got separated, and he's taken up skiing. 401 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,041 Oh my God, you're a LILF! 402 00:19:51,125 --> 00:19:52,791 A late-in-life skier. 403 00:19:52,875 --> 00:19:55,750 -That's funny! -Yes, I suppose I am. 404 00:19:55,833 --> 00:19:57,166 -Yeah, LILF. -Mm. 405 00:19:57,250 --> 00:20:00,416 -MILF. -Yeah, kinda like MILF, but not. 406 00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:02,041 That's so funny. 407 00:20:02,125 --> 00:20:04,708 By the way, I love your soap dish. 408 00:20:04,791 --> 00:20:07,291 Isn't it the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? 409 00:20:07,375 --> 00:20:12,416 I got it in the souk in Marrakech. Uh, Moroccan market, right? 410 00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:15,833 This ancient woman, she had a face… 411 00:20:15,916 --> 00:20:18,416 Just… pain all over it. 412 00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:21,666 And I was passing by, saw her stall… It's the only thing she had. 413 00:20:21,750 --> 00:20:25,583 And she just grabbed my hand and thrust it into it and said, 414 00:20:25,666 --> 00:20:27,666 "I've been waiting for you." 415 00:20:27,750 --> 00:20:28,916 And then she died. 416 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:33,541 Anyway, it's a beautiful dish, and I'm glad you noticed it. 417 00:20:36,416 --> 00:20:37,708 Hmm. 418 00:20:40,041 --> 00:20:42,291 You look quite familiar. 419 00:20:43,333 --> 00:20:45,250 Where would I know you from? Hmm? 420 00:20:45,750 --> 00:20:47,125 Uh… 421 00:20:47,208 --> 00:20:51,250 -I don't know. I don't think you know me. -Oh, I really think I do. 422 00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:52,583 Don't think so. 423 00:20:53,125 --> 00:20:57,208 Not unless I sold you laughing gas in like 2013 outside Marble Arch. 424 00:20:57,291 --> 00:20:58,541 Oh, it wouldn't be that. 425 00:20:59,041 --> 00:21:01,833 I know you from somewhere. 426 00:21:01,916 --> 00:21:04,041 I don't think it's me that you're thinking of. 427 00:21:05,083 --> 00:21:07,625 -Are you sure? -Mm. 428 00:21:07,708 --> 00:21:09,750 I mean, you can never be too sure, but… 429 00:21:10,708 --> 00:21:13,291 Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. 430 00:21:14,500 --> 00:21:17,250 Catch a liar by his big toe. 431 00:21:18,666 --> 00:21:22,458 Is this an Anne Frank joke? 432 00:21:22,541 --> 00:21:24,833 What? Is that even a type of joke? 433 00:21:24,916 --> 00:21:26,708 I mean, people will always tear down a woman 434 00:21:26,791 --> 00:21:28,416 that achieves success on her own terms. 435 00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:31,166 I think she's just called Ann and we're in her attic. 436 00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:33,000 I think you're overthinking it. 437 00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:36,416 Okay, I'm freaking out, and I need to be told to breathe. 438 00:21:36,500 --> 00:21:38,833 -Okay, breathe. Breathe. -Miss, you are not my keeper. 439 00:21:38,916 --> 00:21:42,166 She's gagged. She's absolutely gagged. And not in the fun way. 440 00:21:42,250 --> 00:21:44,791 At dinner, Jonno made this incredibly weird comment 441 00:21:44,875 --> 00:21:47,416 about my dynamic with Josie in front of Josie. 442 00:21:47,500 --> 00:21:49,833 Josie, who doesn't know that I wanna be a lesbian with her. 443 00:21:49,916 --> 00:21:51,000 What if she's straight? 444 00:21:51,083 --> 00:21:54,166 Okay, well, she's wearing two T-shirts, so I think she's a lesbo, guys. 445 00:21:54,250 --> 00:21:55,875 I mean, do you like her? 446 00:21:57,500 --> 00:22:01,875 "Like"? "Like, like, like." "Like" is such a juvenile word. 447 00:22:01,958 --> 00:22:03,416 I don't "like" her. 448 00:22:03,500 --> 00:22:08,125 I… I feel deeply drawn to who she is, who she could become. 449 00:22:08,208 --> 00:22:10,125 -She's my destiny. -What's the difference? 450 00:22:10,208 --> 00:22:12,208 Guys, guys, guys, guys. Have you seen? 451 00:22:12,291 --> 00:22:14,083 Wow, Jonno on his downtime, 452 00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:17,125 looking like the most well-preserved member of a heritage stadium rock act. 453 00:22:17,208 --> 00:22:18,416 I die. 454 00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:21,958 It's like, "Yeah! Sing me, like, a soft rock song 455 00:22:22,041 --> 00:22:23,375 about, like, how you're a man." 456 00:22:23,458 --> 00:22:25,542 "But you have mental health issues, but don't really." 457 00:22:25,625 --> 00:22:29,708 But, also, what he did to Kim was really, really rough 458 00:22:29,791 --> 00:22:32,166 and… and not appropriate at all. 459 00:22:32,250 --> 00:22:35,125 I just think, honestly, he feels close to you. 460 00:22:35,208 --> 00:22:37,000 That's what it is. He feels emotionally close. 461 00:22:37,083 --> 00:22:38,833 Like, obviously, with me, it's more sexual. 462 00:22:38,916 --> 00:22:41,375 It's more like, "There's a hole. Let me at it!" 463 00:22:41,458 --> 00:22:43,833 But, um… but with you, he's more like a dad, I think. 464 00:22:43,916 --> 00:22:46,166 -Yes! Come, come. -Ooh! 465 00:22:46,250 --> 00:22:48,916 God! Yummy, yummy! May I? 466 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,750 Yes, this makes me so happy! 467 00:22:50,833 --> 00:22:54,166 Look at you, enjoying my little contribution to the potluck. 468 00:22:54,250 --> 00:22:56,833 Thing about cocaine is, in moderation, it keeps you young. 469 00:22:56,916 --> 00:23:00,000 You know, I really wouldn't. But if Kim's doing it, I probably should. 470 00:23:00,083 --> 00:23:02,166 'Cause otherwise, she'll do it, and she'll go crazy. 471 00:23:02,250 --> 00:23:05,666 Then she'll feel very alone and low later. Also, I love cocaine. 472 00:23:07,416 --> 00:23:10,666 I mean, I… I feel like I can't say no to my boss. 473 00:23:10,750 --> 00:23:11,875 -Go for it. -I don't want to. 474 00:23:11,958 --> 00:23:14,083 I just feel like I can't say no to the hospitality. 475 00:23:14,166 --> 00:23:15,000 Mm-hmm. 476 00:23:15,083 --> 00:23:18,083 Oh my God. Yeah, no. Go for it. 477 00:23:18,166 --> 00:23:22,166 You know what's about to happen, though? Right? You know where this is headed? 478 00:23:22,250 --> 00:23:24,416 What? You think everyone's gonna start fucking? 479 00:23:24,500 --> 00:23:26,541 ♪ Tap, tap, tap in, wrist on glitter ♪ 480 00:23:26,625 --> 00:23:27,916 ♪ Waist on thinner ♪ 481 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,166 ♪ I'mma show you How to bag an eight-figure, figure ♪ 482 00:23:30,250 --> 00:23:31,875 -♪ Face on my zaddy ♪ -♪ Sheesh ♪ 483 00:23:31,958 --> 00:23:33,625 ♪ Pockets on Jigga You better get the card ♪ 484 00:23:33,708 --> 00:23:35,166 ♪ And make it swipe like Tinder ♪ 485 00:23:35,250 --> 00:23:37,416 ♪ Private villa and a fur chinchila ♪ 486 00:23:37,500 --> 00:23:39,416 ♪ When he post me all the… get sicker ♪ 487 00:23:39,500 --> 00:23:40,958 -♪ Bleh ♪ -♪ Boy killer ♪ 488 00:23:41,041 --> 00:23:42,333 -♪ Don't need fillers ♪ -♪ Nope ♪ 489 00:23:42,416 --> 00:23:44,750 ♪ Never been a lame So the real chicks feel it ♪ 490 00:23:44,833 --> 00:23:47,333 ♪ Daddy on the FaceTime You could never take mine ♪ 491 00:23:47,416 --> 00:23:49,500 ♪ End up on the Dateline Uh, uh, uh, mwah! ♪ 492 00:23:49,583 --> 00:23:50,750 ♪ Rich with no day job ♪ 493 00:23:50,833 --> 00:23:51,916 ♪ Hit your wop, wop ♪ 494 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:56,208 ♪ Always on the court side, uh-huh-huh Billionaire boys wanna eat me out ♪ 495 00:23:56,291 --> 00:23:59,000 ♪ I'm from the West Coast They wanna go down south ♪ 496 00:23:59,083 --> 00:24:01,250 ♪ These lame little rappers Tryna… for clout ♪ 497 00:24:01,333 --> 00:24:04,125 ♪ Hmm, I won't let him hit But he can put it in his mouth ♪ 498 00:24:04,208 --> 00:24:06,416 ♪ Lil' waist, fat, fat, baby, tap in ♪ 499 00:24:07,500 --> 00:24:10,750 ♪ Tap, tap, tap in, haters can't relate I've never been fake ♪ 500 00:24:10,833 --> 00:24:13,416 ♪ I got a big baller Putting icing on my cake, mwah ♪ 501 00:24:13,500 --> 00:24:16,000 ♪ Icy from my lips To my fingers to my toenails ♪ 502 00:24:16,083 --> 00:24:18,166 ♪ Drippin' in Chanay-nay This ain't goin' on sale ♪ 503 00:24:18,250 --> 00:24:20,875 ♪ All these birds boosie, baby I do not do friends well ♪ 504 00:24:20,958 --> 00:24:23,250 ♪ Lotta haters… But I promised that I won't tell ♪ 505 00:24:23,333 --> 00:24:25,166 ♪ Shh, now, what's my favorite word? ♪ 506 00:24:25,250 --> 00:24:26,166 ♪ Icy ♪ 507 00:24:26,250 --> 00:24:28,250 ♪ I can see the smile But I know she don't like me ♪ 508 00:24:28,333 --> 00:24:31,166 ♪ Two hundred for a verse Yeah, I'm way too pricey ♪ 509 00:24:31,250 --> 00:24:33,500 -Hi. -Hello. 510 00:24:33,583 --> 00:24:35,125 -May I? -Yes. 511 00:24:35,208 --> 00:24:36,791 'Kay. A question. 512 00:24:36,875 --> 00:24:42,625 Uh, as a… seasoned lesbian, 513 00:24:42,708 --> 00:24:47,583 uh, might you counsel me on what to expect if I were to pursue this path? 514 00:24:47,666 --> 00:24:50,500 It would be my absolute honor, okay? 515 00:24:50,583 --> 00:24:53,541 -Go. -Did you always know you were queer? 516 00:24:53,625 --> 00:24:54,750 Oh no. No. 517 00:24:54,833 --> 00:24:57,875 I've always been intensely lustful, 518 00:24:58,416 --> 00:25:02,125 but the objects of my obsession were varied. 519 00:25:02,625 --> 00:25:04,416 And my very first relationship 520 00:25:04,500 --> 00:25:08,083 was with my boss at Tatler Magazine and his wife. 521 00:25:08,166 --> 00:25:10,875 Damn! 522 00:25:10,958 --> 00:25:12,208 Oh my God. 523 00:25:12,291 --> 00:25:16,416 I… I had one divorce, and I thought I was hot shit, 524 00:25:16,500 --> 00:25:18,500 but… you're on fire. 525 00:25:18,583 --> 00:25:20,625 And now I'm a grandmother of two. 526 00:25:20,708 --> 00:25:25,625 And my partner had a whole other life as a housewife before I ruined her. 527 00:25:25,708 --> 00:25:27,750 And at weekends, I kind of do my own thing. 528 00:25:27,833 --> 00:25:29,166 Live my own life, you know? 529 00:25:29,833 --> 00:25:31,916 -Speaking of which… -Yes. 530 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:34,500 I have a room at the Ham Yard Hotel. 531 00:25:34,583 --> 00:25:36,583 -Oh. -Oh. 532 00:25:38,041 --> 00:25:39,916 Oh! Uh… 533 00:25:40,500 --> 00:25:44,458 -Honestly, I am… very flattered. -Good. 534 00:25:44,541 --> 00:25:46,625 -But I'm new to this. -Yeah, I know. 535 00:25:46,708 --> 00:25:49,041 And I think what you need is 536 00:25:49,125 --> 00:25:54,083 an "eat it up, no crumbs" kind of experience. 537 00:25:54,166 --> 00:25:57,208 And… I would leave all the crumbs. 538 00:25:57,291 --> 00:26:01,583 -There'd be so many crumbs. -I could be a Hoover! 539 00:26:01,666 --> 00:26:04,666 -The… I have a visual. -Well, okay. 540 00:26:04,750 --> 00:26:07,208 -Okay, look at me. Are you ready? -Okay. I'm looking. 541 00:26:07,291 --> 00:26:09,416 -Three, two, one, go. -Okay. 542 00:26:10,833 --> 00:26:13,166 Oh my God, your stuff's way better than my stuff. 543 00:26:13,250 --> 00:26:14,917 Cleaning your bag is like getting a colonic. 544 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,416 -Okay? Like, "That came out of me?" -Take this. 545 00:26:17,500 --> 00:26:19,875 I don't know how much money's on it, but, hell, go crazy. 546 00:26:19,958 --> 00:26:22,333 -Buy a bagel and a coffee. -A dollar! 547 00:26:22,416 --> 00:26:24,250 I've seen these on TV. Do you use this? 548 00:26:24,333 --> 00:26:26,042 A dollar. Never know when you need it. 549 00:26:26,125 --> 00:26:28,958 You guys don't have any central air or heat or anything. 550 00:26:29,041 --> 00:26:30,625 -I don't know how you cool down! -Ah! Ah! 551 00:26:30,708 --> 00:26:33,750 Gauche alarm. You're being gauche. AC? In a Georgian-listed building? 552 00:26:33,833 --> 00:26:35,541 We have a heritage. We have a tradition. 553 00:26:35,625 --> 00:26:37,458 Oh really? What's your tradition? Eating beans? 554 00:26:37,541 --> 00:26:41,125 You wanna get Camilla Parker Bowles? You wanna give her a lower-back tattoo? 555 00:26:41,208 --> 00:26:43,541 You wanna say, "No loads refused"? That's crazy. 556 00:26:43,625 --> 00:26:45,917 Why do you have so many condoms? Were you trying to hook up? 557 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,375 Mm, is it illegal to fuck now? 558 00:26:47,458 --> 00:26:49,958 -Lock me in prison 'cause I fuck. -Sorry, I can't see you! 559 00:26:54,541 --> 00:26:58,750 You finished all the champers, or is there still some lying around? 560 00:26:58,833 --> 00:27:01,583 No, I did not. I actually think the culprit is your wife 561 00:27:02,083 --> 00:27:04,208 who was sort of pouring it down her blouse. 562 00:27:04,291 --> 00:27:08,750 I realize where I know you from. 563 00:27:09,625 --> 00:27:13,000 You went to the same boarding school as our daughter Viola. 564 00:27:13,083 --> 00:27:14,833 Ding-ding! Jig is up. Uh-oh. 565 00:27:14,916 --> 00:27:17,500 You two were a bit of an item back then. 566 00:27:17,583 --> 00:27:20,916 In fact, I may be within my fatherly rights 567 00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:23,083 to smack you round a bit! 568 00:27:23,166 --> 00:27:25,250 You do have a very fatherly vibe right now. Gotta say. 569 00:27:25,333 --> 00:27:26,625 -Yeah? -Yeah. 570 00:27:26,708 --> 00:27:28,333 Dropped out, didn't ya? 571 00:27:28,416 --> 00:27:31,333 Six months before your A levels! 572 00:27:31,416 --> 00:27:32,958 I didn't finish school, no. 573 00:27:33,041 --> 00:27:38,958 Yeah. Broke my daughter's heart and left just before A levels. 574 00:27:39,041 --> 00:27:40,875 Classic behavior! Yeah, classy! 575 00:27:40,958 --> 00:27:43,041 You don't know anything about me, so… 576 00:27:43,125 --> 00:27:47,333 -Didn't you take Francesca to… -Talking about Viola, aren't we? 577 00:27:47,416 --> 00:27:49,125 Oh! It's Vi, Vi, Vi, Vi, Vi. 578 00:27:49,208 --> 00:27:52,166 Didn't you take Viola to Manchester for a show 579 00:27:52,250 --> 00:27:54,625 and then leave her at a fucking Travelodge? 580 00:27:54,708 --> 00:27:56,833 It was Liverpool, and there's more to it than that. 581 00:27:56,916 --> 00:28:00,500 -But yeah, that's me. -Yeah, well, I don't love your tone. 582 00:28:00,583 --> 00:28:01,416 -No? -No. 583 00:28:01,500 --> 00:28:03,875 I think you need to back up. This is getting a bit weird now. 584 00:28:03,958 --> 00:28:06,083 Oh, not one bit! 585 00:28:06,166 --> 00:28:08,708 You dropout, you cad… 586 00:28:08,791 --> 00:28:11,125 Can you stop touching me? What the fuck? 587 00:28:11,208 --> 00:28:13,500 Fuck off! Are you trying to fucking… 588 00:28:13,583 --> 00:28:16,250 Are you trying to fucking fight me? 589 00:28:16,333 --> 00:28:18,375 You've got it down to a T, mate. 590 00:28:18,458 --> 00:28:19,958 Yeah, I cheated on your daughter. 591 00:28:20,041 --> 00:28:22,666 Then started trying to stick my 16-year-old pecker 592 00:28:22,750 --> 00:28:24,250 into anything that moved. 593 00:28:24,333 --> 00:28:25,666 I don't like your attitude! 594 00:28:25,750 --> 00:28:28,500 Dude, what the fuck is going on with your grip? It's insane. 595 00:28:28,583 --> 00:28:30,917 I'll tell you what really happened. My dad ran out of money. 596 00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:32,125 -That's why I left. -Boo-hoo! 597 00:28:32,208 --> 00:28:36,291 They put all my shit in cardboard boxes and told me to call my own fucking cab. 598 00:28:36,375 --> 00:28:39,292 Your daughter said she'd wait for me like I was some soldier going to war, 599 00:28:39,375 --> 00:28:41,958 and then within a week, she was dating Hugo fucking Wetherspoon 600 00:28:42,041 --> 00:28:43,750 and wouldn't even answer my fucking calls. 601 00:28:43,833 --> 00:28:46,291 Very fucking good manners. Are you trying to fuck me now? 602 00:28:46,375 --> 00:28:48,000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 603 00:28:48,083 --> 00:28:50,458 Maybe that's why she left you. Because you've got bad manners! 604 00:28:50,541 --> 00:28:52,292 Your daughter was a fucking brat, by the way. 605 00:28:52,375 --> 00:28:55,208 I should have stuck with Lissa Larchmont. She was actually nice. 606 00:28:55,291 --> 00:28:57,291 I went down on her in Julia Jessup's garden, 607 00:28:57,375 --> 00:29:00,166 and she fucking cared about me, you gacked-up tosser. Get off! 608 00:29:00,250 --> 00:29:02,166 -Oh, sorry! -Ah. 609 00:29:02,250 --> 00:29:03,500 -Felix! -You okay? 610 00:29:03,583 --> 00:29:05,458 -Oh, hi, Ann. -Oh shit. 611 00:29:05,541 --> 00:29:08,416 Darling, have you seen that cooling sex gel? 612 00:29:08,500 --> 00:29:09,958 I want to give it to Jessica. 613 00:29:10,041 --> 00:29:13,541 -Did we leave it in the garden last time? -Uh, bottom right drawer. 614 00:29:13,625 --> 00:29:17,000 -But… I can't see it. -Um, Ann, thank you so much. 615 00:29:17,083 --> 00:29:20,125 This meant so much to me. I'm so sorry about everything. 616 00:29:20,208 --> 00:29:22,416 Oh, it was lovely, darling. It was lovely. 617 00:29:22,500 --> 00:29:23,833 Don't worry about Jonno. 618 00:29:23,916 --> 00:29:28,000 He's always in the prone position at the end of a party. 619 00:29:28,083 --> 00:29:30,625 Jonno, thank you for the hospitality. 620 00:29:30,708 --> 00:29:33,625 Um, Ann, again, one minute with you is a million in heaven. 621 00:29:33,708 --> 00:29:36,875 And one minute away from you is hell for eternity. 622 00:29:36,958 --> 00:29:40,083 Thank you. Hope I get to see you soon. I feel safe with you. 623 00:29:40,166 --> 00:29:42,000 Yes, we must. We must. 624 00:29:42,083 --> 00:29:44,041 I'm sure you can find it at Boots, by the way. 625 00:29:44,125 --> 00:29:46,041 -But will you see yourselves out? -Yeah, sorry. 626 00:29:46,125 --> 00:29:48,250 -Thanks. Say hi to Viola. -All right? 627 00:29:48,333 --> 00:29:50,708 That was a lovely night, wasn't it? 628 00:29:52,375 --> 00:29:53,791 Did you have fun, darling? 629 00:29:53,875 --> 00:29:55,958 -Mm. -Did it get a little crazy? 630 00:29:56,041 --> 00:29:57,666 -Mm. -Mm! 631 00:30:02,083 --> 00:30:04,291 All right. Are you going to clean up? 632 00:30:04,375 --> 00:30:06,250 -No, no. -I can't do it. 633 00:30:06,333 --> 00:30:07,916 Do you know, she got in the bath. 634 00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:09,333 -Did she? -It was weird. 635 00:30:12,458 --> 00:30:16,458 Got your coat. And your, um, bag… purse thing. 636 00:30:17,291 --> 00:30:19,500 Also, you know that soap dish you liked? 637 00:30:19,583 --> 00:30:21,750 -Thank you! -Got you that as well. 638 00:30:22,750 --> 00:30:25,375 Oh my God, Felix! 639 00:30:25,458 --> 00:30:29,333 -You're kidding. That is my boss. -Yeah, man. You said you liked it. 640 00:30:29,416 --> 00:30:33,625 You can't just steal things from my boss. I can't smuggle around stolen goods. 641 00:30:33,708 --> 00:30:37,000 Also, what did you say in there? "Gay-ass tortoise"? 642 00:30:37,083 --> 00:30:39,750 -Do you mean "gacked-up tosser"? -Is that what you said? 643 00:30:39,833 --> 00:30:42,583 Yeah. Gack is cocaine. And tosser's just, "You're a dickhead." 644 00:30:42,666 --> 00:30:44,791 All I wanted tonight was for you to be chill. 645 00:30:44,875 --> 00:30:46,125 For us to be two chill guys. 646 00:30:46,208 --> 00:30:48,708 This is worse than if we would have both walked in with hats. 647 00:30:48,791 --> 00:30:52,916 All I wanted was us to be civilized people who had, like, positive attitudes. 648 00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:55,583 -I wanted us to have positive attitudes. -Why? They don't. 649 00:30:55,666 --> 00:30:57,375 They have fucking hideous attitudes. 650 00:30:57,458 --> 00:31:00,833 Like, almost as hideous as their fucking faux-liberal politics 651 00:31:00,916 --> 00:31:02,333 when all they care about is money. 652 00:31:02,416 --> 00:31:03,458 And how they judge everyone 653 00:31:03,541 --> 00:31:05,750 who doesn't live exactly the same way they do. 654 00:31:05,833 --> 00:31:07,208 And their sad fucking children 655 00:31:07,291 --> 00:31:10,041 who've been hugged precisely two times in their entire lives. 656 00:31:10,125 --> 00:31:11,750 Yeah. I called your boss a tosser, sorry. 657 00:31:11,833 --> 00:31:13,666 But they were kind of fucked, yeah. 658 00:31:13,750 --> 00:31:15,791 Also, by the way, you were hitting on Imogen. 659 00:31:15,875 --> 00:31:17,708 -Don't think I didn't see. -God. No, I wasn't. 660 00:31:17,791 --> 00:31:20,250 She's, like, some lesbian grandma who raises ducks. 661 00:31:20,333 --> 00:31:23,125 Okay. Well, guess what? She touched Kim's almost vagina, 662 00:31:23,208 --> 00:31:24,583 so she's not that innocent. 663 00:31:24,666 --> 00:31:27,416 You know, she's a pretty young grandma. We must agree. 664 00:31:27,500 --> 00:31:29,791 -We must agree! -Sure. 665 00:31:29,875 --> 00:31:32,500 This has all just been a series of red flags. 666 00:31:32,583 --> 00:31:34,666 I mean, when I came to find my English dream, 667 00:31:34,750 --> 00:31:37,583 I wanted to be in bed with, like, Mr. Darcy or Hugh Grant 668 00:31:37,666 --> 00:31:39,791 from the British Jones's Diaries. 669 00:31:40,583 --> 00:31:44,041 Okay, did you just say "British"… Did you say "British Jones's Diary"? 670 00:31:44,125 --> 00:31:46,833 -Yeah, there's four of them. -Yeah, it's not called "British Jones." 671 00:31:46,916 --> 00:31:48,333 She's British! 672 00:31:48,416 --> 00:31:50,583 She has a diary! What are you talking about? 673 00:31:50,666 --> 00:31:54,500 You're just some guy with a random girl's name tattooed to your ass. 674 00:31:54,583 --> 00:31:57,166 And you're just… You don't even have an electric bill! 675 00:31:57,250 --> 00:32:00,083 You don't even know the difference between polyamory and monogamy. 676 00:32:00,166 --> 00:32:03,125 What is the difference? They sound exactly the fucking same. 677 00:32:03,208 --> 00:32:05,750 It's really different. It's really different. 678 00:32:05,833 --> 00:32:07,208 -Okay. -Also, I'm sorry. 679 00:32:07,291 --> 00:32:09,833 Lissa Larchmont in Julia Jessup's garden? 680 00:32:09,916 --> 00:32:12,625 -What the fuck? Is this a game of Clue? -Yeah. That's fair. 681 00:32:12,708 --> 00:32:14,916 -Cluedo? Do you mean Cluedo? -No. I mean Clue. 682 00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:17,166 The board game? With, like, the library and the pipe. 683 00:32:17,250 --> 00:32:19,417 And the Colonel Mustard or whatever. We call that Cluedo. 684 00:32:19,500 --> 00:32:23,541 Well, that doesn't make sense 'cause it's a game of clues! 685 00:32:23,625 --> 00:32:26,791 I don't know why you have to add your little, you know, 686 00:32:26,875 --> 00:32:28,250 teacup of charm into it. 687 00:32:28,333 --> 00:32:30,833 I'm just telling you. It's what it's called. 688 00:32:31,708 --> 00:32:34,958 I feel like the problem is that you're, like, obsessively scanning me 689 00:32:35,041 --> 00:32:38,625 for red flags, but, I mean, I don't, like… 690 00:32:39,333 --> 00:32:42,708 I'm not assessing you for red flags because that's not how my brain works. 691 00:32:42,791 --> 00:32:44,583 But if I did, it's not like you don't have any. 692 00:32:44,666 --> 00:32:47,416 No. I don't have any. Name one. I'm so fun! 693 00:32:47,500 --> 00:32:49,833 Okay. You end every sentence with a question mark. 694 00:32:49,916 --> 00:32:52,041 -I do not? -Yeah. Two red flags? 695 00:32:52,125 --> 00:32:54,416 Like, you send crazy-long texts one after the other. 696 00:32:54,500 --> 00:32:55,750 Like, multiple paragraphs. 697 00:32:55,833 --> 00:32:59,208 Before I've even checked my phone, you've basically sent me an essay. 698 00:32:59,291 --> 00:33:01,042 You talk about your ex the whole fucking time. 699 00:33:01,125 --> 00:33:02,958 But you've never told me what he actually did, 700 00:33:03,041 --> 00:33:06,708 so I don't know if he's a horrible monster or if you're actually overly sensitive. 701 00:33:06,791 --> 00:33:09,375 Also, by the way, sometimes when you come, you look dead. 702 00:33:09,458 --> 00:33:11,541 -That's hot. -Okay, fair enough. 703 00:33:11,625 --> 00:33:14,541 And, like, your dog smells really weird. Your dog smells of vinegar. 704 00:33:14,625 --> 00:33:18,666 -Vinegar is a cleaning product. -Why? You've never had a good explanation. 705 00:33:18,750 --> 00:33:20,583 Also, why do you keep telling me you're sober? 706 00:33:20,666 --> 00:33:23,541 You just had three signature cocktails and took some coke! 707 00:33:23,625 --> 00:33:25,791 -For what? To be polite? -Who cares? 708 00:33:26,875 --> 00:33:29,000 And you set yourself on fire the first time I met you. 709 00:33:30,125 --> 00:33:32,125 Literally, the first time I met you, you're on fire. 710 00:33:32,208 --> 00:33:34,083 -You're a ridiculous guy! -Within five minutes. 711 00:33:34,166 --> 00:33:36,875 You literally set yourself on fire. 712 00:33:36,958 --> 00:33:37,958 Oh my God. 713 00:33:38,041 --> 00:33:41,000 You're too much, man. Too much. 714 00:33:41,083 --> 00:33:43,416 Maybe I'm not too much. Maybe you're just not enough. 715 00:33:43,500 --> 00:33:44,958 No, I don't mean, like… 716 00:33:45,041 --> 00:33:48,125 It's not an insult. I mean, like, you know, you're too much. 717 00:33:48,208 --> 00:33:49,500 Like, it's a good thing. 718 00:33:50,750 --> 00:33:53,833 Like, just the right amount and then, like, a little bit more. 719 00:33:55,625 --> 00:33:56,666 Oh. 720 00:34:13,750 --> 00:34:15,458 ♪ I was just coastin' ♪ 721 00:34:15,541 --> 00:34:18,458 ♪ Never really goin' anywhere ♪ 722 00:34:20,458 --> 00:34:21,875 ♪ Caught up in a web ♪ 723 00:34:21,958 --> 00:34:25,041 ♪ I was gettin' kinda used To stayin' there ♪ 724 00:34:27,083 --> 00:34:31,208 ♪ And out of the blue ♪ 725 00:34:34,041 --> 00:34:37,833 ♪ I fell for you ♪ 726 00:34:39,500 --> 00:34:41,166 ♪ Now, you're liftin' me up ♪ 727 00:34:41,250 --> 00:34:43,125 ♪ 'Stead of holdin' me down ♪ 728 00:34:43,208 --> 00:34:44,541 ♪ Stealin' my heart ♪ 729 00:34:44,625 --> 00:34:46,583 ♪ 'Stead of stealing my crown ♪ 730 00:34:47,208 --> 00:34:49,666 ♪ Untangled all the strings 'Round my wings ♪ 731 00:34:49,750 --> 00:34:52,125 ♪ That were tied ♪ 732 00:34:53,375 --> 00:34:54,708 ♪ I didn't know him ♪ 733 00:34:54,791 --> 00:34:57,000 ♪ And I didn't know me ♪ 734 00:34:57,083 --> 00:35:00,166 ♪ Cloud Nine was always out of reach ♪ 735 00:35:01,083 --> 00:35:05,208 ♪ Now I remember What it feels like to fly ♪ 736 00:35:06,458 --> 00:35:09,250 ♪ You give me butterflies ♪ 737 00:35:15,333 --> 00:35:19,250 ♪ Ooh ♪ 738 00:35:26,791 --> 00:35:28,583 ♪ Now, you're liftin' me up ♪ 739 00:35:28,666 --> 00:35:30,500 ♪ 'Stead of holdin' me down ♪ 740 00:35:30,583 --> 00:35:33,916 ♪ You're takin' my hand 'Stead of takin' my crown ♪ 741 00:35:34,541 --> 00:35:37,000 ♪ Untangled all the strings 'Round my wings ♪ 742 00:35:37,083 --> 00:35:39,250 ♪ That were tied ♪ 743 00:35:40,125 --> 00:35:42,500 ♪ You give me butterflies ♪ 744 00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:45,916 ♪ Mm-hmm-hmm ♪ 745 00:35:46,916 --> 00:35:49,916 ♪ You give me butterflies ♪ 746 00:35:52,666 --> 00:35:57,916 ♪ Mm, mm, mm ♪ 746 00:35:58,305 --> 00:36:58,260 Do you want subtitles for any video? -=[ ai.OpenSubtitles.com ]=-