Big Momma's House 2

1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 2 00:00:40,957 --> 00:00:43,042 (phone rings) 3 00:00:48,172 --> 00:00:49,214 Hello. 4 00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:50,925 (gunshot) 5 00:00:57,515 --> 00:00:59,934 That leak we had has been fixed. 6 00:01:00,768 --> 00:01:05,268 So now that we've dealt with the situation, we can keep moving forward, right? 7 00:01:07,066 --> 00:01:08,650 Yes. Of course. 8 00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:10,861 I thought so. 9 00:01:12,321 --> 00:01:15,240 (woman) What was that about? 10 00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:17,827 Nothing. 11 00:01:17,994 --> 00:01:19,829 Go back to sleep. 12 00:01:26,127 --> 00:01:28,337 Get out there. They're getting fidgety. 13 00:01:28,504 --> 00:01:31,924 Why are you so nervous? You set this up. You'll vouch for us? 14 00:01:32,091 --> 00:01:33,926 Yes, but you don't know them. 15 00:01:34,093 --> 00:01:37,596 If they think for one second you're not legit, they will turn on you. 16 00:01:37,763 --> 00:01:42,225 And God help you if that happens. We can't risk it. I'm pulling the plug. 17 00:01:42,393 --> 00:01:44,269 No. No. 18 00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:47,648 I've never turned down an assignment and I'm not going to start now. 19 00:01:47,815 --> 00:01:52,027 Just tell me one thing - have they had their snack? 20 00:01:55,781 --> 00:01:58,283 No, just juice boxes. 21 00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:03,789 You gotta be kidding me. 22 00:02:03,956 --> 00:02:06,041 All right. OK. 23 00:02:06,208 --> 00:02:10,708 And now let's give a great big Gold Coast Elementary School welcome to... 24 00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:14,633 Goldie the Safety Eagle. 25 00:02:16,218 --> 00:02:18,261 (squawks) 26 00:02:19,597 --> 00:02:23,267 I say the eagle in the house. I say the eagle... 27 00:02:23,434 --> 00:02:25,227 (squawks) 28 00:02:31,025 --> 00:02:33,986 So what brings us here today, great Safety Eagle? 29 00:02:34,153 --> 00:02:38,653 Well, I'm here to recruit some junior investigators. 30 00:02:38,824 --> 00:02:40,534 (all) Me! 31 00:02:42,453 --> 00:02:45,080 (Malcolm) I'm not investigating your parents. 32 00:02:45,247 --> 00:02:49,747 Although if your daddy got no job and wearing a $20,000 Rolex, give us a call. 33 00:02:50,252 --> 00:02:52,337 Hey, Trent. 34 00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:56,342 That guy in the chicken suit - isn't that your stepdad? 35 00:03:00,012 --> 00:03:04,099 If Safety Eagle were to plug that in, he would get a nasty shock. 36 00:03:04,266 --> 00:03:07,435 (all) Plug it in! Plug it in! 37 00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:09,939 Damn demon kids. 38 00:03:10,106 --> 00:03:13,067 Space heaters keep us warm in the winter, 39 00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:15,861 but they, too, can be very dangerous. 40 00:03:17,029 --> 00:03:18,739 Agh! 41 00:03:25,579 --> 00:03:27,163 Oh! 42 00:03:29,875 --> 00:03:31,251 Hot! 43 00:03:45,349 --> 00:03:47,768 Couldn't you have taken off the chicken suit? 44 00:03:47,935 --> 00:03:50,145 First of all, it's an eagle suit. 45 00:03:50,771 --> 00:03:53,982 And unfortunately I had no choice. The zipper melted. 46 00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:57,153 What's wrong with you? Ryan and the guys saw you. 47 00:03:57,319 --> 00:03:59,279 So it's embarrassing. So? 48 00:03:59,447 --> 00:04:03,325 Ryan's dad sells shrimp out the trunk of his car. 49 00:04:03,492 --> 00:04:05,577 He's the one that should be embarrassed. 50 00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:10,245 He doesn't do it dressed like a chicken. Eagle. I'm an eagle. 51 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:14,962 An eagle's a majestic bird. It deserves respect. 52 00:04:18,299 --> 00:04:21,093 So those stories you used to tell me - the things you did, 53 00:04:21,260 --> 00:04:23,011 all those guys you put in jail - 54 00:04:23,179 --> 00:04:26,682 you gave it up for this? No. 55 00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:31,144 I gave it up for her. 56 00:04:37,234 --> 00:04:39,694 Hi, honey. Hi, baby. 57 00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:42,948 What happened to my little birdie? 58 00:04:43,115 --> 00:04:45,283 Eagle too proud to talk about it. 59 00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:47,870 Well, come on inside and let me take a look. 60 00:04:48,037 --> 00:04:50,205 Hey, baby. Hi, honey. 61 00:04:50,372 --> 00:04:52,457 Oh, I almost forgot. 62 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:57,125 The broker called today and upped the offer on the Porsche. 63 00:04:57,463 --> 00:05:01,216 With what he's offering, we can remodel the garage into a playroom 64 00:05:01,383 --> 00:05:03,551 and still have enough left for a minivan. 65 00:05:03,719 --> 00:05:06,555 Whoa... Now... 66 00:05:06,722 --> 00:05:07,723 A playroom's one thing, 67 00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:10,350 but I am not driving no minivan. 68 00:05:10,518 --> 00:05:12,686 Where are we gonna put a baby in a Porsche? 69 00:05:12,853 --> 00:05:15,313 It's got a trunk. 70 00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:19,981 All the talks we had about having the baby and how it was gonna change things. 71 00:05:20,903 --> 00:05:22,821 You promised me you were up for this. 72 00:05:22,988 --> 00:05:24,656 Yeah, baby, but to be fair, 73 00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:28,744 you were naked when most of those promises were made. 74 00:05:29,245 --> 00:05:33,745 Look, I'm just kidding, OK? I'm up for this. Totally and completely, 100%. 75 00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:43,091 She wants a minivan. Me driving a minivan? 76 00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:44,885 I ain't gonna be able to do it. 77 00:05:45,052 --> 00:05:49,473 Next thing you know, I'll be asking if I look fat in these jeans. 78 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,683 This is my stuff? 79 00:05:54,770 --> 00:05:58,231 Kick me out of my office? Hell, no! Crawford! 80 00:05:58,399 --> 00:06:01,610 It was my call. Field agents have priority over PR. 81 00:06:01,777 --> 00:06:04,196 You gotta be kidding me. Malcolm! 82 00:06:04,363 --> 00:06:08,283 Last night Doug Hudson was killed in the line. 83 00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:23,632 I want in. You're not a field agent any more. 84 00:06:23,799 --> 00:06:27,719 Reinstate me. You know what the man meant to me. He was my first partner. 85 00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:32,308 Hudson taught me everything I know. I know that. You think I don't know that? 86 00:06:32,474 --> 00:06:36,436 Orange County office has jurisdiction. They have their best people on it. 87 00:06:36,604 --> 00:06:39,148 You know full well the best people for this is me. 88 00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:43,736 Not any more. The fact is we don't need you, Malcolm. 89 00:06:50,451 --> 00:06:52,953 Look, you're gonna have a baby. 90 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:55,247 You wanted a desk, we gave you one. 91 00:06:55,414 --> 00:06:59,126 Now, I know PR isn't exactly what you... 92 00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:02,170 Did you really set yourself on fire yesterday? 93 00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:06,838 Well, actually, it was more of a controlled burn. The flames weren't that big. 94 00:07:07,343 --> 00:07:09,511 Uh-huh. 95 00:07:09,678 --> 00:07:12,806 Go home. Be with your wife. Get your head on straight. 96 00:07:12,973 --> 00:07:16,267 I don't want to see you near this. I find you sniffing around... 97 00:07:16,435 --> 00:07:19,062 I heard you. 98 00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:22,399 Let's get started, people. 99 00:07:38,165 --> 00:07:40,834 Erskine, Crawford wants you in there. 100 00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:43,253 Really? Yeah, really. 101 00:08:06,026 --> 00:08:08,903 The US government operates the most sophisticated 102 00:08:09,071 --> 00:08:11,239 intelligence gathering operations. 103 00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:15,744 A few months ago, we received anonymous intel that someone was designing a worm, 104 00:08:15,911 --> 00:08:18,663 a backdoor hack into that system. 105 00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:23,001 So terrorists, North Korea - whoever gets their hands on this will know what we do. 106 00:08:23,168 --> 00:08:26,254 NSA, CIA, DOD... 107 00:08:26,422 --> 00:08:29,258 All their databases will be an open book. 108 00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:33,925 Military intelligence, launch codes - they'll have access to everything we've got. 109 00:08:34,596 --> 00:08:37,390 Now, our chief suspect is Tom Fuller. 110 00:08:37,558 --> 00:08:41,603 As you can see, he spent a stint in the army. Military intelligence. 111 00:08:41,770 --> 00:08:44,814 He's now head of development of software at a company called 112 00:08:44,982 --> 00:08:48,443 National Agenda Software. 113 00:08:48,610 --> 00:08:53,110 Agent Doug Hudson was working undercover on Fuller's technical team. 114 00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:56,076 I guess he got too close. 115 00:08:57,286 --> 00:09:01,748 Now, we've ID'd the ten most likely buyers and we have them under full surveillance. 116 00:09:01,915 --> 00:09:06,415 The Orange County office is sending one of their undercover agents into Fuller's house. 117 00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:09,965 As a nanny. A nanny? 118 00:09:10,132 --> 00:09:13,426 Now, we will coordinate all tech support from this office. 119 00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:17,389 And we'll give 'em all the bodies they need. Let's get to work, people. 120 00:09:17,556 --> 00:09:19,599 Nanny. 121 00:09:33,822 --> 00:09:38,322 Honey, look what I picked out for the baby today. Isn't he cute? 122 00:09:41,455 --> 00:09:44,374 Why are you packing, Malcolm? 123 00:09:44,541 --> 00:09:48,670 Uh... Well, I'm just packing because, uh... 124 00:09:48,837 --> 00:09:50,839 Guess what? 125 00:09:51,006 --> 00:09:54,175 There's this convention. Safety convention. 126 00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:58,513 Seasoned professionals sharing ideas, you know, think-tank. 127 00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:00,515 A think-tank? 128 00:10:00,682 --> 00:10:03,267 Really? Well, who's going? Uh... 129 00:10:03,435 --> 00:10:06,354 McGruff the Crime Dog. Uh-huh. 130 00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:08,649 Smokey the Bear going to be there. Wow. 131 00:10:08,816 --> 00:10:13,316 Baby, all the heavy hitters. Now that I think about it, they're all coming out. 132 00:10:13,487 --> 00:10:17,987 McGruff the Crime Dog and Goldie the Safety Eagle? Honey, this is great. 133 00:10:18,408 --> 00:10:22,537 It's not like we're sharing no room or anything. I don't get down like that. 134 00:10:22,704 --> 00:10:27,204 No, baby, I didn't mean it like that. I just... I meant that I'm really proud of you. 135 00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:30,879 I know you're working hard to make this new job work. 136 00:10:31,046 --> 00:10:34,007 And I know that you're doing it for me, 137 00:10:34,174 --> 00:10:37,802 and for Trent and for the baby. 138 00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:40,305 And for all the babies to come. 139 00:10:40,472 --> 00:10:43,016 (laughs and squeals) 140 00:10:43,183 --> 00:10:45,727 Malcolm, I love you. 141 00:10:45,894 --> 00:10:48,563 All the babies to come? Yeah. 142 00:10:49,731 --> 00:10:52,275 You want to give me a number? 143 00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:37,779 (woman) You understand you need to get this job, right? 144 00:11:38,530 --> 00:11:41,449 All right. We didn't have time to cover all the angles, 145 00:11:41,617 --> 00:11:44,286 but with this résumé you shouldn't have trouble. 146 00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:46,621 Piece of cake. 147 00:11:49,124 --> 00:11:51,417 Go get 'em. 148 00:11:51,585 --> 00:11:54,629 She is an excellent agent. Very professional. 149 00:11:54,796 --> 00:11:59,296 Oh, Mrs. Gallagher, you're here. I'm sorry I was so late. 150 00:11:59,635 --> 00:12:02,929 Hi. They're here. Can I talk to you for a second? 151 00:12:03,096 --> 00:12:06,057 I want you to know things are gonna be different this time. 152 00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:08,393 What? I don't know what you mean. 153 00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:12,939 I know that I am particular, but I am going to work on it. I'm going to be more flexible. 154 00:12:13,106 --> 00:12:16,734 Probably not about everything, but I think there is some wiggle room in areas. 155 00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:18,320 Probably. 156 00:12:20,113 --> 00:12:23,866 Let's just jump right into the interviews. Great. Whatever you want. 157 00:12:24,034 --> 00:12:27,162 I have three amazing candidates. 158 00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:30,498 Ladies, I'd like you to meet Mrs. Leah Fuller. 159 00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:34,836 Mrs. Fuller, this is... (Malcolm) Whoo! 160 00:12:35,003 --> 00:12:36,838 Lord, lord, lord, lord, lord. 161 00:12:37,005 --> 00:12:39,173 Big Momma's in the house. 162 00:12:39,341 --> 00:12:43,762 Ooh, hello. Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, 163 00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:46,681 but there was an incident on the bus. 164 00:12:46,848 --> 00:12:48,099 Oh, my gosh. Are you OK? 165 00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:52,767 Well, let's just say there's one pervert who won't be playing a flute no time soon. 166 00:12:54,189 --> 00:12:56,399 Oh, give me a second, please. 167 00:12:56,566 --> 00:13:00,069 Got my pressure all up and my nerves going. 168 00:13:01,446 --> 00:13:03,322 (Buddhist-style singing) 169 00:13:04,616 --> 00:13:06,492 There. I sent it. 170 00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:10,455 Who the hell is that? Hey, Constance, give me a close-up. 171 00:13:10,622 --> 00:13:12,206 (Malcolm) Oh, hi. 172 00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:16,419 I'm Hattie Mae Pierce, but you can call me Big Momma. 173 00:13:16,586 --> 00:13:18,671 Everybody calls me Big Momma. 174 00:13:19,256 --> 00:13:22,050 Miss Big Momma... 175 00:13:22,217 --> 00:13:26,717 I'm not sure how you found out about this job opening, but unfortunately... 176 00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:29,057 Well, has the position been filled? 177 00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:30,934 No. 178 00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:33,394 Now, that's good equal opportunity. 179 00:13:33,562 --> 00:13:37,732 You should know I got Al Sharpton on speed dial. 180 00:13:37,899 --> 00:13:40,943 Need me to call? Wanna make a call? 181 00:13:41,111 --> 00:13:43,238 Want a rally? 182 00:13:44,031 --> 00:13:46,408 First, we have Petra. 183 00:13:47,451 --> 00:13:50,328 She studied art in Paris. Oh, bonjour. 184 00:13:50,495 --> 00:13:52,205 She speaks four languages 185 00:13:52,372 --> 00:13:56,334 and recently worked for one of Orange County's most respected families. 186 00:13:56,501 --> 00:14:01,001 Unfortunately they divorced. Oh, child, that divorce wasn't your fault. 187 00:14:01,423 --> 00:14:05,218 So what if men like to look at you in your birthday suit. 188 00:14:05,385 --> 00:14:08,846 Excuse me. Well, the only way you get a tan like that 189 00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:13,514 is by laying out butt naked. Butterball naked. 190 00:14:13,727 --> 00:14:17,272 Mrs. Fuller, I can... It's all right that you wanna be a nudist. 191 00:14:17,439 --> 00:14:21,192 Do your nudie thing. All right? It's OK. 192 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:25,860 I'm sure Mrs. Fuller is not intimidated by a pair of perky Ds. Hmm, Ds. 193 00:14:32,662 --> 00:14:36,582 Where you going? Did I say something? Ooh! 194 00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:39,711 You don't need nobody like that around your husband. 195 00:14:39,878 --> 00:14:41,796 OK. Um... 196 00:14:41,963 --> 00:14:46,463 Our next candidate is Isabella. Isabella spent the last few years in the Peace Corps. 197 00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:51,014 Wow. That explains it. 198 00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:55,643 You... You chasing the dragon? What? 199 00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:59,648 You firing the ack-ack gun? Child, smoking the cheeba? 200 00:14:59,815 --> 00:15:02,984 I got two words - roach clip. 201 00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:06,154 So you don't burn your fingers. 202 00:15:06,321 --> 00:15:09,157 Can you see that? I should probably go. 203 00:15:09,324 --> 00:15:12,827 (sings) ♪ Pass the doobie on the left-hand side 204 00:15:12,994 --> 00:15:15,830 ♪ Pass the doobie on the... <i>(chuckles)</i> 205 00:15:16,456 --> 00:15:18,624 Who is this woman? 206 00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:22,962 Well, if anyone is beyond reproach, it's Constance. 207 00:15:23,630 --> 00:15:25,673 Hello. It's awfully nice to meet you. 208 00:15:25,841 --> 00:15:29,261 Now, I assume you are completely ack-ack free? 209 00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:31,430 Oh, yes, ma'am. Of course. 210 00:15:31,596 --> 00:15:35,516 She has impeccable references. She even studied child psychology. 211 00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:38,561 Ooh, that's impressive. 212 00:15:39,146 --> 00:15:42,065 Well, children are my passion. 213 00:15:42,232 --> 00:15:46,732 Oh, really? Well, would you say that you're a follower of Beshay... 214 00:15:47,028 --> 00:15:50,448 Or do you side more with Kreiter's theory? 215 00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:53,868 Um... 216 00:15:54,035 --> 00:15:56,579 Kreiter. Definitely Kreiter. 217 00:15:56,746 --> 00:16:01,041 Well, child, Kreiter's my butcher. He can cook the hell out of a ham hock, 218 00:16:01,209 --> 00:16:05,213 but he don't know nothing about children, so what else are you lying about? 219 00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:07,215 What? 220 00:16:07,382 --> 00:16:10,718 Maybe you can forgive her lying ways, 221 00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:15,056 but I'm sure you don't want a nanny who's packing. 222 00:16:15,223 --> 00:16:16,390 Packing? 223 00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:19,644 Tell me this is not happening. 224 00:16:21,104 --> 00:16:24,190 Shall we discuss compensation? 225 00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:28,361 (Leah) Oh, Big Momma, I am so glad you came by. 226 00:16:28,528 --> 00:16:33,028 I mean, can you imagine if I had hired one of those other ladies? 227 00:16:33,366 --> 00:16:35,868 Oh, Big Momma, are you OK? 228 00:16:36,036 --> 00:16:39,873 Oh, what a lovely stool. And so comfortable. 229 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:43,501 Well, let me tell you a little bit about the Fullers. 230 00:16:43,668 --> 00:16:48,168 I own my own marketing business and my husband, Tom, is in software. 231 00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:55,305 Oh, my God. Big Momma, are you OK? 232 00:16:59,142 --> 00:17:02,562 Excuse me. Maybe I'll just stand. 233 00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:07,813 So your husband's out on a new project? I can't wait to meet him. 234 00:17:08,443 --> 00:17:11,195 Well, do you want to know about the children? 235 00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:14,199 Well, that depends. Will they be around a lot? 236 00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:18,620 Well, they live here, so pretty much all the time. 237 00:17:18,787 --> 00:17:22,248 Oh. Well, in that case, 238 00:17:22,415 --> 00:17:25,459 Big Momma love taking care of the kids. Oh, good. 239 00:17:25,627 --> 00:17:30,127 Unless, of course, you think they'd be better off in a nice military academy? 240 00:17:30,465 --> 00:17:32,467 No. 241 00:17:32,634 --> 00:17:34,177 That's funny. 242 00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:37,555 I will warn you, though, their schedules are pretty hectic, 243 00:17:37,722 --> 00:17:42,222 so I've come up with something to help you keep it straight. 244 00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:50,485 Damn! How many kids you got? 245 00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:54,072 I know. I have to remind myself sometimes that it's only three, 246 00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:57,158 but it's not as bad once you get used to the system. 247 00:17:57,325 --> 00:18:01,825 OK, for example, sports are white pegs, music are yellow. 248 00:18:03,456 --> 00:18:06,709 Tutoring is blue and household chores are red. 249 00:18:06,876 --> 00:18:11,376 Well, which peg says it's time for me to drink a 40 and watch Dr. Phil? 250 00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:14,300 You're funny. 251 00:18:14,467 --> 00:18:18,721 My husband thinks I'm too obsessive about this, but you know, the world is changing 252 00:18:18,888 --> 00:18:21,849 and I want my kids to take advantage of it in every way. 253 00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:23,018 (dog yelps) 254 00:18:23,184 --> 00:18:27,684 Oh, rats! I'll handle it. All I need is a hammer and a mop. 255 00:18:28,815 --> 00:18:33,315 That's actually our dog, Pancho. He hasn't really been himself lately. 256 00:18:33,820 --> 00:18:35,988 We had this other dog named Carla. 257 00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:38,366 She was Pancho's girlfriend. 258 00:18:38,533 --> 00:18:43,033 She was out playing with the ball and there was this wood chipper. 259 00:18:43,913 --> 00:18:46,874 Wood chipper? Oh, he saw the whole thing. 260 00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:50,712 He blames himself. It's a tragedy, really. 261 00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:54,841 Anyway, let's go meet the children. 262 00:18:55,008 --> 00:18:58,386 First, we have Andrew. He's three. 263 00:18:58,553 --> 00:19:00,763 (♪ "Little White Duck” by Burl Ives) 264 00:19:00,930 --> 00:19:03,015 Oh, my goodness. 265 00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:05,894 (Leah) I know. He does that all day long. 266 00:19:06,061 --> 00:19:09,355 You would think that he would get hurt, but he never seems to. 267 00:19:09,522 --> 00:19:11,524 Boy, you are two kinds of crazy. 268 00:19:11,691 --> 00:19:15,528 You can't be throwing yourself around like that. 269 00:19:15,695 --> 00:19:18,239 (Leah) Oh, he doesn't speak. At all. 270 00:19:18,406 --> 00:19:22,660 Specialists insist nothing's wrong, that he'll talk when he's ready, 271 00:19:22,827 --> 00:19:25,204 so until then... 272 00:19:25,372 --> 00:19:27,457 Well, I hope he's wearing a cup. 273 00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:32,671 The boy just flipped. Oh, Lord. 274 00:19:32,837 --> 00:19:34,922 (& "Chewing Gum"” by Annie) 275 00:19:37,759 --> 00:19:41,804 This is Carrie. She's our little cheerleader. 276 00:19:42,889 --> 00:19:47,389 Carrie, I want to introduce you to someone. This is Big Momma, she's our new nanny. 277 00:19:47,727 --> 00:19:51,564 Hi. Mommy, can you please help me with my routine? 278 00:19:51,731 --> 00:19:54,567 Oh, babe, you're doing great. 279 00:19:55,193 --> 00:19:58,070 <i>3 Oh, no! Oh, no! You've got it all...</i> 280 00:19:58,238 --> 00:20:00,448 (music stops) 281 00:20:01,741 --> 00:20:05,369 I'd get everything pointy out of the room. 282 00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:10,037 Our eldest daughter, Molly, is going through a bit of a phase. 283 00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:13,419 Well, like this, for example. 284 00:20:14,879 --> 00:20:17,840 She never used to lock her door. I could bust it down. 285 00:20:18,007 --> 00:20:22,507 No, that's all right. A couple of months ago, she started hanging out with new friends, 286 00:20:22,887 --> 00:20:27,387 including this boy Chad, who, let's just say, would not be our favorite. 287 00:20:28,601 --> 00:20:31,520 (♪ "Rock and Roll" by The Redwalls) 288 00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:36,651 (Big Momma) Damn! Molly now prefers a... 289 00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:38,820 Free-flow living environment. 290 00:20:38,987 --> 00:20:42,657 Well, at some point, this flow backed up. 291 00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:44,742 This is Big Momma. She's gonna be our new nanny. 292 00:20:44,909 --> 00:20:47,411 Big Momma, this used to be Molly. 293 00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:50,665 Molly. Yes. Nice to... 294 00:20:52,250 --> 00:20:54,961 Did something die in here? 295 00:20:56,337 --> 00:20:57,963 Yeah, probably. 296 00:20:58,131 --> 00:21:01,467 Listen, Mom, I was studying, so if you guys could please go. 297 00:21:01,634 --> 00:21:03,594 Anything to get rid of me. 298 00:21:03,762 --> 00:21:07,515 Mom, you always do this. I swear to God I was on my bed with my history book. 299 00:21:07,682 --> 00:21:10,643 I was studying. OK, OK. I'm going to go. Bye. 300 00:21:10,810 --> 00:21:12,311 OK. 301 00:21:13,897 --> 00:21:16,941 You weren't studying and you weren't on that bed. 302 00:21:17,108 --> 00:21:21,487 I totally was. No. You were sitting at the computer. 303 00:21:22,113 --> 00:21:26,613 Your history book is over by that nasty egg salad sandwich, which explains the smell. 304 00:21:28,369 --> 00:21:32,498 Watch it, girl. There's a new sheriff in town. 305 00:21:32,665 --> 00:21:34,208 (blows) 306 00:21:37,295 --> 00:21:40,214 Here we are. Whoo! 307 00:21:41,424 --> 00:21:45,924 This is my room? Oh, Big Momma done died and gone to the Ritz-Carlton. 308 00:21:46,179 --> 00:21:48,973 Oh, I am so glad you like it. 309 00:21:49,140 --> 00:21:51,684 OK, well, why don't you just settle in? 310 00:21:51,851 --> 00:21:54,645 We'll get started in the morning. All right. 311 00:21:54,813 --> 00:21:58,483 I'm so happy you're here and I know Mr. Fuller's gonna like you too. 312 00:21:58,650 --> 00:22:03,150 Oh, he's gonna love me. Let me know if you need anything. 313 00:22:06,950 --> 00:22:08,660 Yes! 314 00:22:08,827 --> 00:22:11,287 (Malcolm) Time to go to work. 315 00:22:41,651 --> 00:22:43,444 (computer) Copying files. 316 00:22:43,611 --> 00:22:45,821 (phone vibrates) 317 00:22:57,083 --> 00:23:00,711 (whispers) Hey, baby. You didn't call. How's Phoenix? 318 00:23:00,879 --> 00:23:04,132 Oh, Phoenix. The convention. 319 00:23:04,299 --> 00:23:06,551 What else did you think I was talking about? 320 00:23:06,718 --> 00:23:09,095 Why are you whispering, Malcolm? 321 00:23:09,262 --> 00:23:13,724 Oh, no... We're just doing a lot of safety chanting, baby. 322 00:23:13,892 --> 00:23:16,769 You know, "Stop, drop and roll." You know. 323 00:23:16,936 --> 00:23:19,980 That McGruff is a freak. Dawg don't know when to quit. 324 00:23:20,148 --> 00:23:24,235 Baby, this is kind of late. Maybe you should get some sleep. 325 00:23:24,402 --> 00:23:28,572 Oh, I know, I know. But I just needed to hear your voice. I miss you. 326 00:23:28,740 --> 00:23:32,910 Trent and I had dinner and I must've eaten something spicy cos the baby's kicking. 327 00:23:33,077 --> 00:23:36,497 Baby, I love you too. Bye. 328 00:24:11,282 --> 00:24:12,533 Ugh! 329 00:24:12,909 --> 00:24:14,785 (humming) 330 00:24:19,958 --> 00:24:21,876 Where is everybody? 331 00:24:24,462 --> 00:24:27,465 Climbing on cabinets is his latest accomplishment. 332 00:24:27,632 --> 00:24:29,884 (Big Momma) You OK, Andrew? 333 00:24:31,719 --> 00:24:35,055 Mr. Fuller. So nice to meet you. 334 00:24:35,223 --> 00:24:37,642 I'm Hattie Mae Pierce, but you can call me Big Momma. 335 00:24:37,809 --> 00:24:42,309 It's great to meet you. My wife has an early-morning meeting and I am so late. 336 00:24:43,815 --> 00:24:47,860 You're leaving me alone with the kids? Mr. Fuller. Mr... 337 00:24:52,073 --> 00:24:55,242 Big Momma, I think Andrew just ate a Brillo pad. 338 00:24:57,870 --> 00:25:02,082 Andrew, no! Well, that's one way to get your roughage. 339 00:25:02,709 --> 00:25:04,627 (egg timer rings) 340 00:25:06,963 --> 00:25:10,424 That means if we don't leave right now, we're going to be late. 341 00:25:10,591 --> 00:25:12,384 Why don't your daddy take you? 342 00:25:12,552 --> 00:25:15,888 Daddy says he has an important job where important things happen, 343 00:25:16,055 --> 00:25:19,767 so he can't waste his time with our nonsense. 344 00:25:19,934 --> 00:25:22,436 Molly! We gotta go! 345 00:25:22,603 --> 00:25:25,230 But Big Momma, Mommy didn't get me any breakfast. 346 00:25:25,398 --> 00:25:27,858 Breakfast? 347 00:25:28,818 --> 00:25:30,569 OK. 348 00:25:33,573 --> 00:25:35,241 Yeah. 349 00:25:35,742 --> 00:25:38,453 Yeah, there you go. 350 00:25:39,871 --> 00:25:41,706 <i>Al nighty.</i> 351 00:25:41,873 --> 00:25:43,916 Yes indeedy. 352 00:25:45,752 --> 00:25:47,837 Like that there. 353 00:25:49,297 --> 00:25:52,508 A hearty helping. All right? 354 00:25:59,390 --> 00:26:00,891 Oh. 355 00:26:01,059 --> 00:26:04,187 Looks like somebody got a note on the red peg. 356 00:26:04,353 --> 00:26:08,148 Oh, notes on red pegs are really important. 357 00:26:08,983 --> 00:26:12,194 You kidding. This peg stuff is for real? 358 00:26:13,321 --> 00:26:15,406 She wants me to do all this? 359 00:26:15,573 --> 00:26:18,617 It is your job, Sheriff. 360 00:26:18,785 --> 00:26:23,285 Girl, you got a mean streak in you. And God don't like ugly. 361 00:26:24,290 --> 00:26:27,459 Now get in the car and take your sister with you. 362 00:26:28,461 --> 00:26:30,546 "Give the dog a bath"? 363 00:26:32,131 --> 00:26:34,842 (♪ "Back Again” by Mr. Cheeks) 364 00:26:37,637 --> 00:26:39,347 (whimpers) 365 00:27:05,957 --> 00:27:09,001 Sorry about that, Pancho. 366 00:27:37,029 --> 00:27:40,866 Are you sure these aren't yours? How big do you think I am? 367 00:27:41,033 --> 00:27:45,533 I'm just playing, but how in the hell did these get under your bed? 368 00:27:45,746 --> 00:27:48,540 I don't know, but Malcolm would never cheat on me. 369 00:27:48,708 --> 00:27:52,753 Especially not with... This is like four yards of lace. 370 00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:57,420 Regardless, you can't just sit and hope that nothing is going on. You gotta take action. 371 00:27:57,758 --> 00:28:01,011 For a hundred dollars, I know somebody that will bug his phone. 372 00:28:01,179 --> 00:28:05,600 No. No, absolutely not. I would never bug Malcolm's phone. 373 00:28:05,766 --> 00:28:10,266 I completely trust my husband. Sherrie, you are so naive. 374 00:28:11,105 --> 00:28:13,565 You married an FBI agent. 375 00:28:13,733 --> 00:28:18,233 I bet on your wedding night he drugged you and imbedded a tracking device in your ass. 376 00:28:18,404 --> 00:28:21,240 I don't have a tracking device. 377 00:28:21,407 --> 00:28:25,907 Danielle, there's gotta be a perfectly logical explanation for these. 378 00:28:27,038 --> 00:28:28,956 A woman this big wearing a thong? 379 00:28:29,123 --> 00:28:31,375 That can't be comfortable. 380 00:28:33,002 --> 00:28:34,086 Can it? 381 00:28:34,253 --> 00:28:36,213 Ooh. Oh. 382 00:28:37,048 --> 00:28:41,548 Big Momma got to be careful. I lose control of this thong, it could disappear for days. 383 00:28:46,349 --> 00:28:50,849 Hi, there. I'm Hattie Mae Pierce, but you can call me Big Momma. 384 00:28:51,395 --> 00:28:54,439 Everybody calls me Big Momma. 385 00:28:54,607 --> 00:28:56,650 You want to say hello, Andrew? 386 00:28:56,817 --> 00:28:58,777 This here is Tom Fuller's boy. 387 00:28:58,945 --> 00:29:02,657 Fine. But this is a secure facility and I... 388 00:29:05,243 --> 00:29:07,245 Whoa, whoal! (machine bleeps) 389 00:29:07,411 --> 00:29:11,623 911! Don't touch me. Please, you don't know me like that. 390 00:29:11,791 --> 00:29:14,168 You better ask somebody. 391 00:29:14,335 --> 00:29:18,422 Let me set the baby down. I don't want to get him upset. Hold on. 392 00:29:18,589 --> 00:29:23,089 I'm going to have to wand you. Wand me? Well, wand on. 393 00:29:26,013 --> 00:29:27,973 Found what you looking for? 394 00:29:28,140 --> 00:29:30,016 (wand bleeps) 395 00:29:31,143 --> 00:29:35,643 That's under wire. Yeah. Keeping these fun bags off the floor's a full-time job. 396 00:29:36,649 --> 00:29:38,984 You want to see? I'll show you, yeah. No. 397 00:29:39,151 --> 00:29:42,487 It's all right. You can take your little peek. You can stop. 398 00:29:42,655 --> 00:29:44,990 But I'm not responsible for the damages. 399 00:29:45,157 --> 00:29:48,118 I might poke your eyes out. Don't... Don't unbutton! 400 00:29:48,286 --> 00:29:50,621 (clicks fingers) 401 00:29:51,580 --> 00:29:55,709 18th floor. Ooh, thank you. 402 00:29:55,876 --> 00:29:59,129 Ooh! All these guards and locked doors. 403 00:29:59,297 --> 00:30:03,217 This must be what it's like to get in one of Oprah's private parties. 404 00:30:03,384 --> 00:30:05,636 Yeah. You know what, Miss Pierce? 405 00:30:05,803 --> 00:30:10,303 Mr. Fuller has a meeting in the conference room and I'm not allowed to disturb him. 406 00:30:11,100 --> 00:30:13,227 OK, well, I'll just wait in... 407 00:30:18,149 --> 00:30:20,568 Ooh, we got a gusher. 408 00:30:20,735 --> 00:30:25,235 Oh, my goodness. Oh, this is the last time I feed this boy pickled pigs' feet. 409 00:30:26,324 --> 00:30:30,824 You're going to change his diaper here? Don't worry. I'll contain the seepage. 410 00:30:31,912 --> 00:30:34,414 I just hope your hard drives are backed up. 411 00:30:34,582 --> 00:30:38,335 Mr. Fuller has a bathroom in his office. 412 00:30:42,340 --> 00:30:46,840 OK, Andrew. That program's gotta be hiding up in here somewhere. 413 00:30:58,939 --> 00:31:01,650 A remote, but no TV. 414 00:31:15,414 --> 00:31:17,332 Open sesame. 415 00:31:20,336 --> 00:31:24,131 (man) We did an extensive check on Mr. Fuller and didn't find anything. 416 00:31:24,298 --> 00:31:28,302 Basically, we've got a small army of agents working out there. 417 00:31:28,469 --> 00:31:32,764 And because Agent Stone blew a nanny interview, we got nothing. 418 00:31:32,932 --> 00:31:35,392 We gotta get somebody on the inside. 419 00:31:35,559 --> 00:31:37,811 Isn't there anybody close to Fuller we can target? 420 00:31:37,978 --> 00:31:41,815 No, we've tried everybody who has any contact with anyone in that house. 421 00:31:41,982 --> 00:31:45,735 We have exhausted the list. Wait a minute. 422 00:31:45,903 --> 00:31:48,238 I know someone we haven't tried yet. 423 00:31:52,076 --> 00:31:55,120 We're coming up on our deadline. I need to know your status. 424 00:31:55,287 --> 00:31:57,956 Ooh, look. There's your daddy. 425 00:31:58,124 --> 00:32:01,460 I wouldn't have flown here if I wasn't ready. Where's my money? 426 00:32:01,627 --> 00:32:03,670 (Tom) Don't worry. Where do we meet? 427 00:32:03,838 --> 00:32:06,340 That's right. Give me something. 428 00:32:06,507 --> 00:32:08,842 Tonight. Seven o'clock, West Hills Mall. 429 00:32:09,009 --> 00:32:11,177 Where? The surf shop, dude. 430 00:32:11,345 --> 00:32:15,349 Wait a minute. Someone in the building is logged on to our video conference. 431 00:32:15,516 --> 00:32:19,561 You've gotta be kidding me. You guys are amateurs, dude. I'm outta here! 432 00:32:19,728 --> 00:32:23,064 What happened? Someone was watching. 433 00:32:23,232 --> 00:32:26,568 We'd better find out who that someone is. 434 00:32:31,490 --> 00:32:33,783 Ooh, coming through. Excuse me. 435 00:32:33,951 --> 00:32:35,911 Coming through. 436 00:32:36,745 --> 00:32:39,873 I cleaned up in there as much as possible. 437 00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:43,376 Ooh. Mr. Fuller. 438 00:32:43,544 --> 00:32:46,713 Andrew and I thought we'd come and pay you a little visit. 439 00:32:46,881 --> 00:32:48,799 Ain't that right, Andrew? 440 00:32:51,177 --> 00:32:53,637 Hi, son. 441 00:32:53,804 --> 00:32:56,306 Well, we're working on that talking thing. 442 00:32:56,474 --> 00:32:59,018 Can you say Tupac? 443 00:33:00,311 --> 00:33:03,605 Oh, he'll get it. He'll get it. 444 00:33:03,772 --> 00:33:05,815 Tom, is there a problem? 445 00:33:07,067 --> 00:33:09,235 No. This is... 446 00:33:09,403 --> 00:33:12,239 Hattie Mae Pierce. Hi. 447 00:33:12,406 --> 00:33:14,533 I take care of Tom Fuller's babies. 448 00:33:14,700 --> 00:33:16,535 Tom. 449 00:33:16,702 --> 00:33:20,122 Oh, look at the time. Well, we gotta go. 450 00:33:21,332 --> 00:33:24,126 Oh, yes. There we go. 451 00:33:24,293 --> 00:33:28,793 Oh, do me a favor, will you? Hold that for me. Thank you. 452 00:33:33,677 --> 00:33:35,762 Get rid of that. 453 00:33:37,181 --> 00:33:39,433 Did you have a good time today? 454 00:33:42,228 --> 00:33:44,939 Big Momma's trying to fix this. 455 00:33:46,232 --> 00:33:48,317 FBI. 456 00:33:49,318 --> 00:33:53,818 Sorry, ma'am. I'm gonna have to ask for you to step inside the van, please. 457 00:33:58,452 --> 00:34:02,952 Don't push me! You don't know me. Monkey mouth bastard. I'll kick... 458 00:34:08,796 --> 00:34:13,296 Look, I can explain. I am so sorry for the inconvenience. 459 00:34:15,177 --> 00:34:18,054 Can I get you anything? 460 00:34:18,222 --> 00:34:22,722 Look, if this is about those butt-ball naked pictures of Billy D, 461 00:34:24,311 --> 00:34:26,688 you gotta understand, that's Billy. 462 00:34:26,855 --> 00:34:30,108 I just checked my email, there he was. 463 00:34:30,276 --> 00:34:32,778 I thought, "Ooh! Ooh!" 464 00:34:32,945 --> 00:34:37,445 And all I could say within myself was, "I got Billy! I got Billy! I got Billy!" 465 00:34:38,158 --> 00:34:40,910 No. No, uh... 466 00:34:41,078 --> 00:34:43,830 I can assure you... 467 00:34:43,998 --> 00:34:47,835 Miss Pierce, the FBI is investigating Tom Fuller. 468 00:34:48,419 --> 00:34:52,919 Mr. Fuller? Have mercy. Yes. 469 00:34:53,132 --> 00:34:57,632 Since you seem to have such close access to the family, we could really use your help. 470 00:34:58,387 --> 00:35:01,890 Well, what could Big Momma possibly...? 471 00:35:02,808 --> 00:35:06,144 I get it. You want me to take him out. 472 00:35:06,312 --> 00:35:08,814 No, no. Yeah. Uh-uh. 473 00:35:09,398 --> 00:35:13,026 No. We just want you to keep an eye on him. 474 00:35:13,193 --> 00:35:17,693 You know, have you seen or heard anything out of the ordinary? 475 00:35:19,325 --> 00:35:23,825 Wait. He seems to be getting outside help on that big project he's working on. 476 00:35:25,331 --> 00:35:29,831 What's really important is we need to find out who he's working with. 477 00:35:31,378 --> 00:35:35,256 Now, ma'am, do you think you could find out that information? 478 00:35:35,424 --> 00:35:37,300 Well... 479 00:35:38,135 --> 00:35:41,555 Well, my MO would be to stay close to the perps. 480 00:35:42,723 --> 00:35:44,891 That way I won't compromise the assets 481 00:35:45,059 --> 00:35:47,895 and I'll wait for the intel to fall in my hands. 482 00:35:48,062 --> 00:35:49,146 Excuse me? 483 00:35:49,313 --> 00:35:53,233 Well, I mean, you watch enough Kojak, you pick up a few things. 484 00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:57,112 Don't worry. Big Momma got that. I got it. 485 00:36:02,034 --> 00:36:04,911 (♪ "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-a-Lot) 486 00:36:05,079 --> 00:36:07,539 (woman shouts instructions) 487 00:36:09,583 --> 00:36:13,920 ♪ <i>You get sprung, wanna pull out up tough Cos you noticed that butt was stuffed</i> 488 00:36:14,088 --> 00:36:17,674 ♪<i> Deep in the jeans she's wearing I'm hooked and can't stop staring</i> 489 00:36:17,841 --> 00:36:21,177 ♪<i> Baby, I wanna get with ya And take your picture</i> 490 00:36:21,345 --> 00:36:23,180 ♪ My homeboys tried to warn me 491 00:36:23,347 --> 00:36:26,224 - ♪ But that butt you got makes - ♪ Me so horny 492 00:36:26,392 --> 00:36:28,811 Good Lord, help 'em all. 493 00:36:29,395 --> 00:36:32,898 Now, I know you got something to say to that. 494 00:36:33,065 --> 00:36:35,192 Nothing? 495 00:36:35,359 --> 00:36:37,944 Well, we'll work on it. 496 00:36:41,407 --> 00:36:45,619 All right. Let's play it again. All right, from the top. 497 00:36:45,786 --> 00:36:50,286 (answerphone) Hey, you've reached Malcolm, Sherrie and Trent. Leave a message. 498 00:36:50,958 --> 00:36:53,627 Hey, Sherrie, it's me, baby. 499 00:36:54,586 --> 00:36:59,086 You know, just thinking about you. Wanted to give you a call from Phoenix. 500 00:37:01,301 --> 00:37:02,802 Agh! 501 00:37:06,682 --> 00:37:08,475 Wait. Carrie! 502 00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:11,103 I gotta go, baby. 503 00:37:17,651 --> 00:37:20,236 (Malcolm) ..give you a call from Phoenix. 504 00:37:20,404 --> 00:37:23,281 Wait. Carrie! 505 00:37:23,449 --> 00:37:25,451 Carrie? I gotta go, baby. 506 00:37:32,166 --> 00:37:34,251 Carrie. 507 00:37:42,009 --> 00:37:44,886 You know, those girls got no room to talk. 508 00:37:45,053 --> 00:37:47,847 That ain't dancing. And chassé and pose. 509 00:37:48,015 --> 00:37:50,308 That's getting Tasered by the police. 510 00:37:50,476 --> 00:37:54,976 Big Momma, I don't care about that. It's just... I wanna be good, you know? 511 00:37:55,939 --> 00:37:58,191 If I was good then my dad would come watch me, 512 00:37:58,358 --> 00:38:01,402 cos then it wouldn't be nonsense and a waste of his time. 513 00:38:01,570 --> 00:38:05,031 Child, you can dance like all those skinny girls on MTV, 514 00:38:05,199 --> 00:38:08,493 that wouldn't make your daddy stay home. 515 00:38:08,660 --> 00:38:13,160 Now, he loves you. He just has a hellified way of showing it. 516 00:38:14,208 --> 00:38:18,708 Now, you can do this little cheerleading dance thing, I know you can. 517 00:38:19,213 --> 00:38:23,467 But you need to do it for yourself, not anybody else. 518 00:38:25,260 --> 00:38:28,388 Stand up. Let me show you something. 519 00:38:30,766 --> 00:38:33,477 Watch Big Momma. See? 520 00:38:33,644 --> 00:38:35,729 Rock with it, baby, rock with it. 521 00:38:35,896 --> 00:38:37,814 Just feel it. 522 00:38:37,981 --> 00:38:41,442 Oh, oh, try to... All right. Ready now. To the right. 523 00:38:41,610 --> 00:38:43,945 You gotta come right, baby. There you go. 524 00:38:44,112 --> 00:38:48,612 No, no, not your leg. Bring your hip. Bring your hip and then you dip. 525 00:38:49,368 --> 00:38:53,868 Hip, dip. Hip, dip. There you go, girl. That's it, Carrie! 526 00:38:54,373 --> 00:38:58,585 OK, now rock with it. Rock with it, Carrie. Rock with it. 527 00:38:58,752 --> 00:39:02,756 Now dip, baby. Whoo! Dip. Dip. 528 00:39:02,923 --> 00:39:06,426 Dip, baby. Whoo-hoo! There you go, girl. 529 00:39:06,593 --> 00:39:09,053 There you go, Carrie! 530 00:39:09,221 --> 00:39:13,099 Um, girls, keep working. You look great. We'll be right back, OK? Keep going. 531 00:39:13,267 --> 00:39:15,102 Ooh! 532 00:39:15,269 --> 00:39:17,354 Excuse me. 533 00:39:20,065 --> 00:39:22,567 Can I help you? You can dance. 534 00:39:22,734 --> 00:39:25,403 We suck. So? 535 00:39:25,571 --> 00:39:28,115 We're not that bad. Lisa, are you kidding? 536 00:39:28,282 --> 00:39:31,368 We are flailing around like a couple of stroke victims. 537 00:39:31,535 --> 00:39:34,287 OK, so maybe we could use a little help with the dancing part, 538 00:39:34,454 --> 00:39:37,623 but I've got stunts covered. I was a gymnast. 539 00:39:39,626 --> 00:39:43,212 We really need your help. We've got this competition coming up. 540 00:39:43,380 --> 00:39:47,008 Do you want the girls to go up on stage doing... that? 541 00:39:48,927 --> 00:39:51,387 As scary as that is, I'm gonna have to pass. 542 00:39:51,555 --> 00:39:54,099 But Big Momma... 543 00:39:54,266 --> 00:39:56,935 Don't you "Big Momma" me. 544 00:39:59,521 --> 00:40:04,021 I didn't cry during Waiting to Exhale and I certainly won't fall for your puppy-dog eyes. 545 00:40:04,318 --> 00:40:08,818 Now, this day is getting away from me. We got to go, Carrie. 546 00:40:11,325 --> 00:40:15,825 What do you say we practice at your house tomorrow morning, Carrie? 547 00:40:16,079 --> 00:40:18,122 Good idea. 548 00:40:21,710 --> 00:40:24,170 Carrie? 549 00:40:24,338 --> 00:40:26,506 We don't even know any... 550 00:40:33,138 --> 00:40:35,348 FBI, Los Angeles. 551 00:40:35,515 --> 00:40:39,310 Tassie? Sherrie? Hey, girl. How you feeling? 552 00:40:39,478 --> 00:40:40,979 Oh, large. 553 00:40:41,146 --> 00:40:44,315 But I bet it feels good having Malcolm home taking care of you. 554 00:40:44,483 --> 00:40:47,819 Putting in for two weeks off to wait on you, hand and foot. 555 00:40:47,986 --> 00:40:51,364 I hope you know what kind of man you got there. 556 00:40:51,531 --> 00:40:54,158 I'm starting to get the picture. 557 00:41:05,921 --> 00:41:10,421 Take your little brother in there for me. I'll be right there. 558 00:41:15,305 --> 00:41:19,183 What the hell you doing sneaking around in bushes? 559 00:41:19,351 --> 00:41:21,394 You can't take... 560 00:41:23,230 --> 00:41:26,733 Chad? 197 561 00:41:26,900 --> 00:41:29,027 This girl up in here is 15. 562 00:41:29,194 --> 00:41:33,323 Boy, you must be stuck on stupid. This stops today. 563 00:41:42,165 --> 00:41:45,042 Oh, hey, Big Momma, I'm just gonna check the mail. 564 00:41:45,210 --> 00:41:48,922 That package you ordered has just been sent back. 565 00:41:49,756 --> 00:41:52,341 What? Oh, no, you've got to be kidding me. 566 00:41:52,509 --> 00:41:55,887 Molly, boys that age only want one thing. 567 00:41:56,054 --> 00:42:00,554 And it ain't meaningful conversation. I don't have to listen to you. 568 00:42:00,934 --> 00:42:05,396 Don't get snatched up. Now get upstairs and finish your homework. 569 00:42:05,564 --> 00:42:07,816 I got Mace. 570 00:42:09,568 --> 00:42:11,820 (groans) 571 00:42:12,571 --> 00:42:15,282 What is going on? Did you just threaten my daughter? 572 00:42:15,449 --> 00:42:19,077 Oh, that's no threat. I do carry Mace. 573 00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:24,124 Hey, Big Momma, I think we need to talk. 574 00:42:24,291 --> 00:42:28,461 Good. I'd love to. How about nine o'clock in the morning when I watch Regis? 575 00:42:28,628 --> 00:42:31,881 I don't think that it can wait. If you had checked the peg board, 576 00:42:32,049 --> 00:42:36,136 you would have seen that Carrie had a violin lesson and Andrew had tutoring. 577 00:42:36,303 --> 00:42:39,139 Tutoring? The boy is only two years old. 578 00:42:39,306 --> 00:42:42,726 I want my children to be able to seize every opportunity they can. 579 00:42:42,893 --> 00:42:47,272 They might want to go to Harvard and if they do, I want to make sure it is a possibility. 580 00:42:47,439 --> 00:42:51,568 Andrew is jumping off the cabinets, eating Brillo pads. 581 00:42:51,735 --> 00:42:53,361 He's not going to Harvard. 582 00:42:53,528 --> 00:42:55,571 You can get that out of your head right now. 583 00:42:55,739 --> 00:42:59,909 And besides, if you had noticed, there was quite a bit of housework for you to do. 584 00:43:00,077 --> 00:43:03,080 Yeah. I've been meaning to talk to you about that. 585 00:43:03,246 --> 00:43:06,999 Those red pegs - you might wanna go easier on them, all right? 586 00:43:07,167 --> 00:43:10,712 Now, if you'll excuse me, Big Momma has an appointment. 587 00:43:10,879 --> 00:43:14,132 Well, what about dinner? I already ate, but thank you. 588 00:43:21,890 --> 00:43:26,390 OK, this is Agent Keneally. Please advise. I just made BM in the back of a cab. 589 00:43:28,188 --> 00:43:30,190 (woman) You did what in the back of a cab? 590 00:43:30,357 --> 00:43:32,192 Big Momma! | just made Big... 591 00:43:32,359 --> 00:43:36,738 I saw Big Momma in the back of a cab, now |I'm going to get VD. 592 00:43:36,905 --> 00:43:40,366 Visual data! I'm going... Never mind. 593 00:43:45,831 --> 00:43:48,458 This is where I need you to carry me. Make it snappy. 594 00:43:48,625 --> 00:43:50,668 Yes, ma'am. 595 00:44:01,429 --> 00:44:05,224 You favor those eyes, I suggest you keep 'em on the road. 596 00:44:05,392 --> 00:44:07,227 Yes, ma'am. 597 00:44:09,688 --> 00:44:11,981 On the road! Yes, ma'am. 598 00:44:15,235 --> 00:44:17,195 Hello, Bob. 599 00:44:17,362 --> 00:44:20,156 Sherrie, you... You shouldn't even be back here. 600 00:44:20,323 --> 00:44:23,200 Where is he? How can I possibly know? 601 00:44:23,368 --> 00:44:26,662 He's got a locator. Every agent has one implanted in their phone. 602 00:44:26,830 --> 00:44:29,499 That is a silly, outrageous... 603 00:44:30,584 --> 00:44:31,668 How did you know that? 604 00:44:31,835 --> 00:44:35,171 Bob, I am eight and a half months pregnant. 605 00:44:35,338 --> 00:44:38,716 My feet are swollen and my back is killing me. 606 00:44:38,884 --> 00:44:41,344 I have peed 52 times today 607 00:44:41,511 --> 00:44:45,056 and you don't even want to know what's going on with my nipples. 608 00:44:45,223 --> 00:44:49,723 Can I at least guess? If you don't tell me where he is right now... 609 00:45:01,698 --> 00:45:05,118 (computer) Agent location, West Hills Mall. 610 00:45:05,285 --> 00:45:06,953 Thanks, Bob. 611 00:45:07,120 --> 00:45:09,455 What's a good place to surf around here? 612 00:45:09,623 --> 00:45:12,292 Huntington Beach. It's beautiful. Really? 613 00:45:12,459 --> 00:45:15,628 It's so good. I'm sorry. I gotta go. 614 00:45:17,505 --> 00:45:20,591 I've been walking around here for an hour looking for you. 615 00:45:20,759 --> 00:45:24,137 I was busy, if you hadn't noticed. Where's the disc? 616 00:45:24,304 --> 00:45:28,016 A very, very specific encrypted notation. 617 00:45:40,570 --> 00:45:42,572 Oh! 618 00:45:54,334 --> 00:45:56,419 Wife? 619 00:45:57,587 --> 00:45:59,964 Been there. 620 00:46:17,816 --> 00:46:20,318 Ooh! 621 00:46:21,194 --> 00:46:23,279 Sherrie, baby, what... Where is she? 622 00:46:23,446 --> 00:46:25,906 Who? Who's Carrie, Malcolm? 623 00:46:26,074 --> 00:46:28,785 Baby, I... No. Where is the Carrie girl? 624 00:46:28,952 --> 00:46:32,538 Baby, you got that all... No. Which one of you is Carrie? 625 00:46:32,706 --> 00:46:34,999 Baby. 626 00:46:35,166 --> 00:46:38,252 Baby. Sherrie. Is your name Carrie? 627 00:46:39,504 --> 00:46:42,215 That's not no Carrie. You got it all wrong. 628 00:46:42,382 --> 00:46:44,133 Malcolm Turner. 629 00:46:44,676 --> 00:46:46,344 FBI? 630 00:46:48,054 --> 00:46:49,889 FBI? 631 00:46:50,056 --> 00:46:53,559 You're on a case”? Malcolm, you promised. 632 00:46:53,727 --> 00:46:55,812 Wanna explain these? 633 00:46:56,813 --> 00:46:59,398 And you dragged my Big Momma into this? 634 00:46:59,566 --> 00:47:01,651 I didn't drag no Big Momma into this. 635 00:47:01,818 --> 00:47:06,318 No, just her breasts. I don't think nobody's talking to you. 636 00:47:07,282 --> 00:47:10,576 Sherrie, come... Let her go. We got something to talk about. 637 00:47:10,744 --> 00:47:13,079 I got Bishop. Where is he? 638 00:47:13,246 --> 00:47:15,206 Right over... 639 00:47:15,373 --> 00:47:17,208 He's right over... 640 00:47:19,336 --> 00:47:20,670 Wait... 641 00:47:20,837 --> 00:47:23,589 Let's go. Let's go. Knock it off. 642 00:47:25,133 --> 00:47:27,927 Malcolm, what are these made of? A buckwheat husk? 643 00:47:28,303 --> 00:47:30,763 (Morales) This is him, right? (Malcolm) Yeah. 644 00:47:30,930 --> 00:47:35,430 He's a hacker. Bishop. He's about as good as they get. He could have pulled this off. 645 00:47:36,061 --> 00:47:38,104 Are you sure you can find this guy Bishop? 646 00:47:38,271 --> 00:47:41,065 Cos right now he's our only lead. 647 00:47:41,232 --> 00:47:44,777 Well, he was checking out board shops. He's a surfer, all right. 648 00:47:44,944 --> 00:47:48,697 There's no way he'd come to Cali and not check out the waves. 649 00:47:48,865 --> 00:47:52,535 I'm gonna find him. I'm telling you, I'm gonna find him. 650 00:47:52,702 --> 00:47:56,414 Agent Keneally stays with you the whole time. He's your new partner. 651 00:47:56,581 --> 00:47:59,292 Turner, you blow your cover and this worm gets out, 652 00:47:59,459 --> 00:48:03,296 you'll not only lose your job, you'll go to jail. 653 00:48:04,089 --> 00:48:07,300 Oh, and do not blow your cover as Big Momma. 654 00:48:16,017 --> 00:48:18,352 Oh, Big Momma. 655 00:48:22,857 --> 00:48:26,902 Mrs. Fuller, can we do this some other time? 656 00:48:28,238 --> 00:48:29,822 No, we can't. 657 00:48:29,989 --> 00:48:33,158 I came home tonight and you were nowhere to be found. 658 00:48:33,326 --> 00:48:36,495 The kids had not done their homework. There were dirty dishes. 659 00:48:36,663 --> 00:48:39,332 And then I found this. 660 00:48:39,499 --> 00:48:42,793 You threw our laundry in the garbage. 661 00:48:44,170 --> 00:48:46,839 You don't want to cook, you don't want to clean, 662 00:48:47,006 --> 00:48:49,758 and you don't respect what I do with my children. 663 00:48:49,926 --> 00:48:52,678 You mean keep 'em so busy they don't realize 664 00:48:52,846 --> 00:48:56,808 you and your husband are never around? 665 00:48:56,975 --> 00:48:58,851 Oh. 666 00:48:59,018 --> 00:49:01,645 I didn't mean to say that. 667 00:49:01,813 --> 00:49:05,441 I want you out of the house first thing in the morning. 668 00:49:05,608 --> 00:49:07,109 Mrs. Fuller. 669 00:49:07,944 --> 00:49:09,779 But Mrs. Fuller. 670 00:49:16,953 --> 00:49:19,789 <i>(♪ "Ooh Aah" by The Grits)</i> 671 00:49:21,249 --> 00:49:23,209 <i>♪ It's times like these that make me say</i> 672 00:49:23,376 --> 00:49:26,003 <i>♪ Lord, if you see me, please come my way</i> 673 00:49:26,171 --> 00:49:30,633 <i>♪ Leaving breadcrumbs for when I stray Rely on sacrifice and the price you paid</i> 674 00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:32,635 ♪ Feel me like a fingertip 675 00:49:32,802 --> 00:49:35,387 ♪ Sometimes I fall, I slip 676 00:49:35,555 --> 00:49:37,390 ♪ My heartfelt desire be more like you 677 00:49:37,557 --> 00:49:39,517 ♪ Trying not to quench your fire with the things I do 678 00:49:39,684 --> 00:49:42,728 ♪ I'm on an island by my lonesome Stranded low key and staying candid 679 00:49:42,896 --> 00:49:44,480 <i>♪ Reflect on all the things I try my hand at</i> 680 00:49:44,647 --> 00:49:47,483 ♪ Catch a second wind, thin is the air I breathe 681 00:49:49,319 --> 00:49:51,070 ♪ I'm calling on the savior to be all that I need 682 00:49:51,237 --> 00:49:54,156 <i>♪ Please forgive me, my behavior had me lost at light speed</i> 683 00:49:54,324 --> 00:49:56,409 <i>♪ It's times like these that make me say</i> 684 00:49:56,576 --> 00:49:58,744 <i>♪ Lord, if you see me, please come my way</i> 685 00:49:58,912 --> 00:50:00,914 <i>♪ Leaving breadcrumbs for when I stray</i> 686 00:50:01,080 --> 00:50:03,415 <i>♪ Rely on sacrifice and the price you paid</i> 687 00:50:03,583 --> 00:50:05,418 ♪ Feel me like a fingertip 688 00:50:05,585 --> 00:50:08,254 ♪ Sometimes I fall, I slip 689 00:50:08,421 --> 00:50:10,089 ♪ My life be like 690 00:50:12,509 --> 00:50:17,009 Hey, baby. I just wanted to leave you a message, 691 00:50:17,305 --> 00:50:19,640 to tell you I'm sorry I lied. 692 00:50:20,725 --> 00:50:23,144 And I love you. 693 00:50:23,311 --> 00:50:26,397 I hope you still wanted to hear that. 694 00:50:35,740 --> 00:50:37,450 Oh. 695 00:50:37,617 --> 00:50:39,452 This feels good. 696 00:50:39,619 --> 00:50:41,370 (alarm clock rings) 697 00:50:46,918 --> 00:50:49,086 (speaks Spanish) 698 00:50:50,505 --> 00:50:53,257 (whimpers) 699 00:50:57,053 --> 00:50:59,764 Oh, Pancho. 700 00:50:59,931 --> 00:51:02,058 That's no way for a dog to act. 701 00:51:04,769 --> 00:51:06,854 I got something for you. 702 00:51:10,567 --> 00:51:14,112 This will help you get over the wood chipper, all right? 703 00:51:14,279 --> 00:51:17,573 Here's a little sippy-sip for you. 704 00:51:17,740 --> 00:51:22,240 Yeah. I'd have a drink with you, but I gotta go to work. 705 00:51:24,539 --> 00:51:28,292 Yeah. Go and get your tilt on, all right? 706 00:51:31,254 --> 00:51:35,258 I know you're busy. All I'm saying is I could use a bit of help this morning. 707 00:51:35,425 --> 00:51:37,635 If you could use help, why did you fire her? 708 00:51:37,802 --> 00:51:42,302 I had to. I'm gonna call Mrs. Gallagher first thing and set about getting a new nanny. 709 00:51:46,477 --> 00:51:47,728 Wow. 710 00:51:47,895 --> 00:51:52,395 The muffins are fat-free, the eggs are free-range and the bacon is extra crispy. 711 00:51:54,485 --> 00:51:57,946 This is fantastic. It looks like something out of a magazine. 712 00:51:58,114 --> 00:52:02,614 I just couldn't leave you all with a bad taste in your mouth about Big Momma. 713 00:52:04,495 --> 00:52:07,164 But if there's nothing else... 714 00:52:09,542 --> 00:52:11,627 I guess... 715 00:52:13,755 --> 00:52:15,923 I guess I'll be moving on. 716 00:52:18,885 --> 00:52:20,052 (barks) 717 00:52:20,219 --> 00:52:23,639 Look, Big Momma even made Pancho happy. 718 00:52:24,932 --> 00:52:27,351 That dog's higher than the Georgia pine. 719 00:52:27,518 --> 00:52:30,395 I gotta run. Great spread, Big Momma. 720 00:52:30,563 --> 00:52:34,858 Oh, Mr. Fuller. Bye. I'll see you around. 721 00:52:35,026 --> 00:52:39,030 You're a good man, Mr. Fuller. You're a good man. 722 00:52:40,615 --> 00:52:43,200 Bye. 723 00:52:43,368 --> 00:52:45,411 So hard to say goodbye. 724 00:52:45,578 --> 00:52:46,662 (doorbell) 725 00:52:46,829 --> 00:52:50,082 Who is that at the door this early? Mom, don't you remember? 726 00:52:50,249 --> 00:52:52,918 Alison and Emily's mom had to go to work. 727 00:52:53,086 --> 00:52:55,421 Oh, are all those girls coming here today? 728 00:52:55,588 --> 00:52:57,631 (screaming) 729 00:52:59,634 --> 00:53:01,927 Look at 'em. 730 00:53:03,179 --> 00:53:07,679 I was at their last practice. I could stay and help. It's no trouble. 731 00:53:11,854 --> 00:53:14,106 OK, we gotta work this out. 732 00:53:14,273 --> 00:53:17,067 I need a volunteer. 733 00:53:17,235 --> 00:53:20,029 Mrs. Fuller. Yes. 734 00:53:20,196 --> 00:53:22,865 You can be my volunteer. Oh, gosh. 735 00:53:23,032 --> 00:53:25,534 Big Momma, there are things that I'm doing today. 736 00:53:25,702 --> 00:53:28,079 Well, this will only take a second. 737 00:53:28,246 --> 00:53:32,166 Little ladies, where do you think real dancing begins? 738 00:53:33,710 --> 00:53:35,628 Your heart? Good answer. 739 00:53:35,795 --> 00:53:39,215 But you don't dance with your heart. You dance with your butt. 740 00:53:39,382 --> 00:53:43,135 Now, let's try this again. What do we want, Mrs. Fuller? 741 00:53:43,302 --> 00:53:44,344 Uh... 742 00:53:44,512 --> 00:53:47,973 More butt? That's right. Try it with me. 743 00:53:48,141 --> 00:53:51,811 Sway with your butt. Groove with the butt. 744 00:53:51,978 --> 00:53:56,478 Become one with the butt. Don't be afraid to touch it and become one with it. 745 00:53:58,484 --> 00:54:02,112 All right. Got butt moving all back here. I like that. 746 00:54:02,280 --> 00:54:04,365 All right. There you go, little ladies. 747 00:54:04,532 --> 00:54:08,827 Now let's put some music on. All right? 748 00:54:08,995 --> 00:54:11,038 (♪ rap music) 749 00:54:14,208 --> 00:54:16,293 That's my jam! 750 00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:21,089 There you go with it. I like that. Groove it with me. 751 00:54:21,257 --> 00:54:25,757 Do your thing. That's right. Do your thing, Mrs. Fuller! 752 00:54:27,680 --> 00:54:30,015 Yes. Come on, Mrs. Fuller. 753 00:54:30,183 --> 00:54:32,268 Follow me. 754 00:54:34,937 --> 00:54:37,272 Ooh, yes indeedy. 755 00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:39,859 Just like that. Now put the stank on it. 756 00:54:40,026 --> 00:54:42,236 That's all that is. Ooh. 757 00:54:43,070 --> 00:54:45,781 Y'all wrap it up. Wrap it up. 758 00:54:47,700 --> 00:54:49,993 Oh. 759 00:54:50,161 --> 00:54:53,038 Oh, Big Momma, these girls are having such a good time. 760 00:54:53,206 --> 00:54:56,834 Look at Carrie. She's always so quiet. She can't stop laughing. 761 00:54:57,001 --> 00:55:01,501 Well, I always say laughter is God's hand on a troubled world. 762 00:55:03,090 --> 00:55:07,552 You know, Big Momma, I was hoping that we could mend our fences. 763 00:55:07,720 --> 00:55:11,390 I just wanted to say that I'm very sorry. I was wrong. 764 00:55:11,557 --> 00:55:15,185 And I was hoping you would please consider staying here. 765 00:55:15,353 --> 00:55:18,064 Well, of course I will. 766 00:55:18,231 --> 00:55:21,943 Yes. Sure enough. I'd love that. 767 00:55:23,736 --> 00:55:26,530 Big Momma, the girls want to go over the dance again. 768 00:55:26,697 --> 00:55:30,742 Ooh, give me a second, all right? Big Momma got to catch her breath. 769 00:55:30,910 --> 00:55:32,953 OK. 770 00:55:33,955 --> 00:55:37,917 Oh, hey. When we're done with this, I have the perfect place to take you. 771 00:55:39,001 --> 00:55:42,087 (Big Momma) A spa! Look at this. 772 00:55:42,255 --> 00:55:45,132 ♪ Daydreaming again 773 00:55:47,218 --> 00:55:49,053 Victoria's Secret models. 774 00:55:49,220 --> 00:55:52,097 They shoot the catalog in a studio down the street. 775 00:55:52,265 --> 00:55:54,183 They usually parade around naked. 776 00:55:54,350 --> 00:55:57,269 If you think about it too much, it can get depressing. 777 00:55:57,436 --> 00:56:00,856 Some people just ruin it for everybody. 778 00:56:03,276 --> 00:56:06,195 What time does the parading begin? 779 00:56:32,263 --> 00:56:36,763 I'll give you this robe and you can just take off all your clothes and put this on. 780 00:56:37,101 --> 00:56:40,813 You'll be very comfortable. Then you just put your things in this locker. 781 00:56:40,980 --> 00:56:44,400 There's nothing else in there. There's my friend Crystal. 782 00:56:44,567 --> 00:56:47,152 Hey, Crystal. Hey! 783 00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:50,740 Hello. Hi. I'm trying to find my locker. 784 00:56:53,034 --> 00:56:55,119 Round here somewhere. 785 00:57:11,052 --> 00:57:14,305 Excuse me, could you give me a hand, please, with my bra? 786 00:57:14,472 --> 00:57:17,641 I just got my nails done and I can't... 787 00:57:19,727 --> 00:57:23,647 Here. It unhooks in the front. Right here. 788 00:57:23,814 --> 00:57:26,316 Here. Would this help? 789 00:57:26,484 --> 00:57:28,527 Oh! Oh! 790 00:57:38,245 --> 00:57:42,582 Whoa. This is lovely. 791 00:57:42,750 --> 00:57:47,250 A room full of beautiful women in towels and mud. 792 00:57:48,047 --> 00:57:51,383 Hey, everybody, this is Big Momma. Hi. 793 00:57:51,550 --> 00:57:53,051 Oh, hello. 794 00:57:53,219 --> 00:57:57,181 Oh, don't let me disturb you. Y'all just keep walking around naked 795 00:57:57,348 --> 00:58:01,602 and massaging each other in exotic oils or whatever. 796 00:58:01,769 --> 00:58:04,521 Oh, a snack. 797 00:58:04,689 --> 00:58:06,899 Big Momma, those are for your eyes. 798 00:58:07,066 --> 00:58:10,402 They're covered in eucalyptus sap. 799 00:58:12,446 --> 00:58:14,322 (gags) 800 00:58:23,624 --> 00:58:25,083 Got it. 801 00:58:26,460 --> 00:58:28,920 Hey, I was wondering, how about a massage? 802 00:58:29,088 --> 00:58:30,589 (laughs) 803 00:58:33,509 --> 00:58:38,009 Hi, I would like you to work on my lower back here, because sometimes I... 804 00:58:40,016 --> 00:58:43,894 Oh, my damn. No, I want the girl with the perky... 805 00:58:44,061 --> 00:58:48,273 The one with the perky... You ain't got to push me. 806 00:58:49,859 --> 00:58:54,359 Yes. I need you to get all in the crevices, all right? 807 00:58:54,905 --> 00:58:58,241 Work that lower back like I was telling you. 808 00:58:58,784 --> 00:59:03,284 You know, while we've got her here, we should get Big Momma's advice. 809 00:59:03,456 --> 00:59:05,791 (Leah) That is a great idea. 810 00:59:05,958 --> 00:59:09,252 You were married for a really long time. What was your secret? 811 00:59:09,420 --> 00:59:12,840 Y'all want my advice? Well, all right. 812 00:59:14,091 --> 00:59:16,885 My advice to you lovely ladies 813 00:59:17,053 --> 00:59:21,432 on keeping a long-lasting, happy marriage, 814 00:59:21,599 --> 00:59:23,934 is to give it up. That's right. 815 00:59:24,101 --> 00:59:28,188 Give it up morning, noon and night. And twice on Saturdays. 816 00:59:28,355 --> 00:59:30,690 What? I did. 817 00:59:30,858 --> 00:59:35,358 Shoot, before he went to work. In a parking lot down at the Dairy Queen. 818 00:59:36,155 --> 00:59:40,325 Oh, and one time I rocked his world at a Popeyes. 819 00:59:40,493 --> 00:59:43,412 Had him drooling on the biscuits. 820 00:59:43,871 --> 00:59:47,291 Oh, yeah. We got us a bangy-bang on. 821 00:59:48,000 --> 00:59:50,377 Really? Oh, yeah. 822 00:59:55,132 --> 00:59:58,844 Ooh, that's hot. Oh, that's hot, hot, hot. 823 00:59:59,011 --> 01:00:01,763 Oh, no, that's damn hot. 824 01:00:01,931 --> 01:00:05,643 Oh, that's way too hot. Back burning. Back burning! 825 01:00:05,810 --> 01:00:09,021 Oh, Lord. Back burning. Coming through. 826 01:00:09,188 --> 01:00:11,315 No! 827 01:00:20,699 --> 01:00:22,575 (barking) 828 01:00:29,250 --> 01:00:33,750 Thank you, Mrs. Fuller, I had a good time, except for those hot rocks. 829 01:00:34,338 --> 01:00:38,175 Now, Big Momma got some errands to run. I'll be back. 830 01:00:38,342 --> 01:00:42,512 Oh, Big Momma. I've gotta go to the office and the carpet cleaners are coming. 831 01:00:42,680 --> 01:00:45,641 I was hoping you could get the kids out of the house. 832 01:00:45,808 --> 01:00:48,519 But I got things I got... 833 01:00:50,354 --> 01:00:53,148 Who wants to go to the beach? 834 01:00:53,315 --> 01:00:56,484 (♪ "Private Dancer" by We Got Action) 835 01:00:59,947 --> 01:01:02,491 Mom will never believe this. 836 01:01:03,200 --> 01:01:05,410 <i>♪ I saw that girl in Cali</i> 837 01:01:05,578 --> 01:01:07,913 <i>♪ I called her, she ain't answer</i> 838 01:01:08,080 --> 01:01:10,332 ♪ I tried to wine and dine her 839 01:01:10,499 --> 01:01:12,792 ♪ Take her out and romance her 840 01:01:12,960 --> 01:01:15,253 <i>♪ I know she's sensitive</i> 841 01:01:15,421 --> 01:01:17,673 <i>♪ Her zodiac's a Cancer</i> 842 01:01:17,840 --> 01:01:20,050 ♪ But when the lights go down 843 01:01:20,217 --> 01:01:22,302 ♪ She may be my private dancer 844 01:01:22,469 --> 01:01:24,220 ♪ Feel it, but don't touch it yet 845 01:01:24,388 --> 01:01:26,431 - ♪ She said - ♪ Feel it, but don't touch it yet 846 01:01:26,599 --> 01:01:29,226 - ♪ She said - ♪ Feel it, but don't touch it yet 847 01:01:29,393 --> 01:01:32,062 - ♪ She said - ♪ Feel it, but don't touch it yet 848 01:01:32,229 --> 01:01:34,356 ♪ Chango presto... 849 01:01:34,523 --> 01:01:36,566 (music stops) 850 01:01:39,361 --> 01:01:43,861 Damn, man. Put on some drawers. This is a family beach, not Chippendales. 851 01:01:44,241 --> 01:01:46,910 What's wrong with you? 852 01:01:57,087 --> 01:02:00,590 Eagle One, this is Hungry Like The Wolf. Come in, Eagle One. 853 01:02:00,758 --> 01:02:02,593 Kevin. 854 01:02:03,510 --> 01:02:06,971 Kevin. Yes. Yes. What? Copy... copy, Eagle One. 855 01:02:07,139 --> 01:02:09,975 Man, stop with the damn codenames. He ain't out here. 856 01:02:10,142 --> 01:02:13,770 Affirmative. Stopping with the codenames, Eagle One. 857 01:02:13,938 --> 01:02:16,815 Whoo! Hi, babies. 858 01:02:16,982 --> 01:02:18,984 Ooh, the water so warm. 859 01:02:19,151 --> 01:02:23,651 Big Momma, if you're done with your walk, Andrew's eating sand again. 860 01:02:23,822 --> 01:02:26,825 You got something you wanna say to Big Momma? 861 01:02:26,992 --> 01:02:29,119 Come on, talk for me. 862 01:02:29,286 --> 01:02:31,663 Can you say ocean? 863 01:02:35,376 --> 01:02:38,796 Why don't you take him down and get his feet wet, all right? 864 01:02:38,963 --> 01:02:43,175 Shoot, go play. Have a good time. Enjoy the beach. 865 01:02:43,342 --> 01:02:47,512 Get sand all in between your toes. Everything. I don't care. 866 01:02:47,680 --> 01:02:52,180 Ooh. Let me cop a squat here. 867 01:02:52,851 --> 01:02:54,602 Ooh! 868 01:02:55,437 --> 01:02:56,813 Ooh! 869 01:02:56,981 --> 01:02:59,650 I feel sexy. 870 01:02:59,817 --> 01:03:02,611 I don't want to be here. 871 01:03:02,778 --> 01:03:04,196 Really? 872 01:03:04,363 --> 01:03:06,823 But you look so comfortable. 873 01:03:06,991 --> 01:03:11,286 Yeah, well, this is who I am, OK? So just get used to it. 874 01:03:11,453 --> 01:03:15,290 Well, it might be. It might be exactly who you are. 875 01:03:15,457 --> 01:03:17,625 Or maybe it's something you're trying to be 876 01:03:17,793 --> 01:03:21,213 to impress some boy you got no business trying to impress. 877 01:03:21,380 --> 01:03:24,674 Yeah, well, Chad loves me just like this. So whatever. 878 01:03:24,842 --> 01:03:27,678 Child, you're only 15 years old. 879 01:03:27,845 --> 01:03:31,181 Truth be told, you can't spell love. 880 01:03:31,348 --> 01:03:34,142 Now, that Chad boy, he's playing you. 881 01:03:34,310 --> 01:03:37,563 What? Play? No! You don't know anything about him. 882 01:03:37,730 --> 01:03:40,566 Oh, really? Well, let's see. 883 01:03:40,733 --> 01:03:43,694 You probably met him out with a group of friends. 884 01:03:43,861 --> 01:03:45,904 He never said anything to you. 885 01:03:46,071 --> 01:03:49,074 He just stood in the back looking all mysterious. 886 01:03:49,241 --> 01:03:52,077 And he likes to call you late night because he says 887 01:03:52,244 --> 01:03:55,080 you're the last voice he wants to hear. 888 01:03:55,247 --> 01:03:57,999 How did you know that? Child... 889 01:03:58,167 --> 01:04:01,753 The players change, but the game remains the same. 890 01:04:01,920 --> 01:04:04,839 One day you're gonna wake up and you're gonna realize 891 01:04:05,007 --> 01:04:08,093 that Big Momma got your back. 892 01:04:08,260 --> 01:04:11,721 Now, look, if you need me, I don't care when it is, day or night, 893 01:04:11,889 --> 01:04:14,433 you just call me. OK? 894 01:04:14,600 --> 01:04:17,894 And I'll come running quick, fast and in a hurry. 895 01:04:29,907 --> 01:04:32,200 Malcolm, Malcolm, Malcolm! I got him. 896 01:04:32,368 --> 01:04:34,620 I got him, I got him, Malcolm, Malcolm. 897 01:04:34,787 --> 01:04:39,287 Why don't you take your brother and sister down and get 'em some ice cream? 898 01:04:39,917 --> 01:04:43,295 Big Momma got to stretch one more again. 899 01:04:46,382 --> 01:04:50,427 Freeze! FBI! Hold it right there. 900 01:04:50,594 --> 01:04:52,887 Hold it! 901 01:04:54,890 --> 01:04:59,390 Don't make me run after you! I don't like chasing people. 902 01:05:01,605 --> 01:05:03,523 Give me that. 903 01:05:05,150 --> 01:05:08,153 Move! Get out the way! Move! Move! 904 01:05:08,320 --> 01:05:12,532 Lord, have mercy! Police business! Get out the way! 905 01:05:21,500 --> 01:05:23,335 Oh! 906 01:05:40,894 --> 01:05:42,353 No! 907 01:05:52,322 --> 01:05:54,407 Hold it! 908 01:05:55,701 --> 01:05:57,786 Stop! 909 01:05:57,953 --> 01:06:01,790 Right there. Hold it right there. Freeze! FBI! 910 01:06:01,957 --> 01:06:04,376 Anthony Bishop, I got a warrant for your arrest. 911 01:06:04,543 --> 01:06:08,004 FBI? What's with the...? You know! 912 01:06:08,172 --> 01:06:12,092 You're being chased. You don't get to ask questions. Get off the railing. 913 01:06:12,259 --> 01:06:15,553 You don't know these guys. I roll over on them, they'll kill me. 914 01:06:15,721 --> 01:06:17,848 Don't worry. I can help you. You can't! 915 01:06:18,015 --> 01:06:20,809 Yes, I can. Now, don't make me come... 916 01:06:38,577 --> 01:06:41,538 We did a full search. Bishop's hotel room. Everything. 917 01:06:41,705 --> 01:06:43,998 There was no disc. Damn. 918 01:06:44,166 --> 01:06:46,251 We assumed Bishop delivered his disc, 919 01:06:46,418 --> 01:06:49,921 which means the programs have merged and the worm is operational. 920 01:06:50,088 --> 01:06:53,883 We gotta get into Fuller's computer. I got in once, I'll do it again. 921 01:06:54,051 --> 01:06:58,551 The problem is, if we did that, it's multiple levels of encryption. We can't hack that. 922 01:06:58,722 --> 01:07:00,765 I'm bringing in an outside consultant. 923 01:07:00,933 --> 01:07:03,602 He can give you a password. Use that to break in. 924 01:07:03,769 --> 01:07:06,730 My office will give you an address. 925 01:07:08,232 --> 01:07:12,732 Oh, this here is a good read. It got a chapter in here that will blow your mind. 926 01:07:14,738 --> 01:07:16,781 You're losing it. 927 01:07:19,952 --> 01:07:22,287 Andrew, don't you even think... 928 01:07:24,122 --> 01:07:26,207 Harvard, here we come. 929 01:07:28,502 --> 01:07:31,213 Trent, I'm home. 930 01:07:51,191 --> 01:07:53,484 So his name is Stewart Nybo. 931 01:07:53,652 --> 01:07:56,696 Computer Crimes division nailed him hacking a DOD system 932 01:07:56,863 --> 01:08:00,366 and then cut him a deal to come work for us. 933 01:08:04,538 --> 01:08:07,499 We're pretty anxious to get started. We'll brief you... 934 01:08:07,666 --> 01:08:09,751 Stewart! 935 01:08:12,671 --> 01:08:14,422 Yo. 936 01:08:14,590 --> 01:08:16,967 Stewart? Are you kidding? 937 01:08:17,134 --> 01:08:21,513 If I were that little nerd, I'd kill myself. That's Stewart. 938 01:08:21,680 --> 01:08:26,180 Are we going to be gone long? Because if so, I'll need to bring my retainer. 939 01:08:27,477 --> 01:08:29,687 Wait a minute. You're Stewart? 940 01:08:29,855 --> 01:08:31,731 Duh! 941 01:08:34,151 --> 01:08:36,236 This has gotta be some kind of mistake. 942 01:08:36,403 --> 01:08:40,865 Right. The mistake was thinking two morons like you can do the job in the first place. 943 01:08:41,033 --> 01:08:43,869 I'll be waiting in the car and if you get lost on the way, 944 01:08:44,036 --> 01:08:46,663 it's the big metal thing with four wheels. 945 01:08:49,958 --> 01:08:51,709 Did you bring the car seat? 946 01:08:52,294 --> 01:08:56,256 So, Malcolm, with this earpiece we will hear everything that you hear. 947 01:08:56,423 --> 01:08:59,551 You get Fuller to talk, we'll feed it into the computer 948 01:08:59,718 --> 01:09:01,720 and hopefully we'll get a password. 949 01:09:01,887 --> 01:09:04,264 Most people choose sappy passwords. 950 01:09:04,431 --> 01:09:05,890 You know, family crap. 951 01:09:06,058 --> 01:09:10,558 Home towns, college stories, old girlfriends. Old guy stuff. 952 01:09:12,939 --> 01:09:16,067 They'll never open up in the house. Too many distractions. 953 01:09:16,234 --> 01:09:20,321 OK, OK. Well, then, you get 'em out of the house. 954 01:09:20,489 --> 01:09:24,326 You get them off their game and then you take them to a place 955 01:09:24,493 --> 01:09:26,870 where Big Momma would be in control. 956 01:09:33,502 --> 01:09:36,296 (♪ "It's Your Thing” by The Isley Brothers) 957 01:09:38,173 --> 01:09:40,425 <i>♪ It's your thing</i> 958 01:09:40,592 --> 01:09:42,677 ♪ Do what you wanna do 959 01:09:44,096 --> 01:09:46,348 <i>♪ I can't tell you</i> 960 01:09:46,515 --> 01:09:48,266 <i>♪ Who to sock it to</i> 961 01:09:48,433 --> 01:09:50,601 <i>♪ It's your thing</i> 962 01:09:50,769 --> 01:09:54,105 ♪ Do what you wanna do 963 01:09:54,272 --> 01:09:56,399 <i>♪ I can't tell you</i> 964 01:09:57,067 --> 01:09:59,694 <i>B2.B2.</i> 965 01:09:59,861 --> 01:10:02,071 Bingo! Bingo! Bingo! 966 01:10:06,743 --> 01:10:11,243 Carrie, baby. No, you don't yell out bingo if you don't have it. 967 01:10:11,790 --> 01:10:14,042 Bingo people get a little testy. 968 01:10:14,209 --> 01:10:17,337 She's just a child. It won't happen again. 969 01:10:19,297 --> 01:10:21,757 Damn right it won't happen again. 970 01:10:23,218 --> 01:10:25,303 Come on, baby. 971 01:10:29,224 --> 01:10:31,768 (knock at door) 972 01:10:32,853 --> 01:10:35,939 Get it. What do you mean get it? 973 01:10:38,567 --> 01:10:40,986 She needs a flea rinse. Turbo dry. 974 01:10:41,153 --> 01:10:43,947 Oh, and can you shave her pads for me? 975 01:10:46,116 --> 01:10:48,326 We're supposed to be dog groomers, idiot. 976 01:10:48,493 --> 01:10:52,993 Yes, yes. She's in excellent hands, sir. You have a great day. Bye-bye now. 977 01:10:56,376 --> 01:10:58,878 OK. OK. 978 01:11:02,507 --> 01:11:04,884 You've gotta be kidding me. 979 01:11:07,888 --> 01:11:11,391 Yeah. OK, yeah, clip the nails, flush the ears. Bye-bye. 980 01:11:12,684 --> 01:11:16,270 (caller) B14. B one four. 981 01:11:16,438 --> 01:11:18,982 Ask him where he was born, Malcolm. 982 01:11:19,149 --> 01:11:22,694 So Mr. Fuller, where did you say you were from? 983 01:11:22,861 --> 01:11:26,531 Shh! (caller) G55. 984 01:11:26,698 --> 01:11:30,702 Long Island. Long Island, New York. 985 01:11:30,869 --> 01:11:33,288 Birthplace of Mariah Carey. 986 01:11:33,455 --> 01:11:35,790 Long Island. Try Long Island. 987 01:11:37,667 --> 01:11:40,294 Nothing. Oh, oh, Malcolm, he went to Princeton. 988 01:11:40,462 --> 01:11:43,715 Get him to talk about that. So I hear you was a Princeton Tiger. 989 01:11:43,882 --> 01:11:48,382 What activities were you in? Shh! Do you mind? 990 01:11:49,054 --> 01:11:52,015 All these people screaming and you're gonna shush me. 991 01:11:52,182 --> 01:11:55,059 I should stomp a mudhole in your little bald head. 992 01:11:55,227 --> 01:11:57,562 (woman) Hattie Mae Pierce. 993 01:11:57,729 --> 01:12:01,023 "But you can call me Big Momma.” 994 01:12:01,191 --> 01:12:04,235 "Everybody calls me Big Momma.” 995 01:12:05,654 --> 01:12:08,823 Big Momma, do you even know this lady? 996 01:12:08,990 --> 01:12:12,076 Oh, you know me, Hattie Mae. No. 997 01:12:12,244 --> 01:12:15,080 You know me. Uh-oh. 998 01:12:15,247 --> 01:12:17,749 She knows you. I mean she knows Big Momma. 999 01:12:17,916 --> 01:12:19,918 Uh... 1000 01:12:20,085 --> 01:12:24,585 Sure. As in old friend? Uncle? Aunt? 1001 01:12:25,632 --> 01:12:30,094 I swore on the lives on my grand babies that if I ever saw you again, 1002 01:12:30,262 --> 01:12:32,305 I would beat you like a drum. 1003 01:12:34,391 --> 01:12:37,977 How does she know Big Momma? Malcolm, do not let her blow your cover. 1004 01:12:38,144 --> 01:12:40,896 I repeat, do not let her blow your cover. 1005 01:12:41,064 --> 01:12:45,564 Do you want that beating here or out on the street? It don't make me no never mind. 1006 01:12:46,653 --> 01:12:49,030 Maybe you should go have a few more drinks. 1007 01:12:49,197 --> 01:12:52,116 You got something that belongs to me, Hattie Mae. 1008 01:12:52,284 --> 01:12:54,286 And I want it back. 1009 01:12:54,452 --> 01:12:57,288 What does she want back? I have no idea. 1010 01:12:57,455 --> 01:13:00,791 You stole my man. 1011 01:13:01,793 --> 01:13:04,921 Your man? That's right. My man. 1012 01:13:05,088 --> 01:13:08,424 She stole a man. Big Momma stole your man? 1013 01:13:08,592 --> 01:13:11,595 Is that true, Big Momma? 1014 01:13:11,761 --> 01:13:14,305 Maybe. 1015 01:13:14,472 --> 01:13:16,140 But I know I gave him back. 1016 01:13:16,308 --> 01:13:20,808 I 'Clare. I never knew what Ben Rawley saw in you anyway. 1017 01:13:22,314 --> 01:13:26,814 You can't help it if you're ugly, but that don't mean you got to go out. 1018 01:13:27,903 --> 01:13:32,403 And besides, you look like you packed on a few pounds over the years. 1019 01:13:32,741 --> 01:13:36,161 You wanna watch your mouth when you talking to me. You don't know me! 1020 01:13:36,328 --> 01:13:40,828 Would you take your seat over there? Malcolm, you are not Big Momma, OK? 1021 01:13:41,124 --> 01:13:45,624 You are a highly trained field operative and you do not throw down with a 65 year old. 1022 01:13:45,795 --> 01:13:50,295 It would be cool to watch, though. You know what? My momma raised a lady. 1023 01:13:50,675 --> 01:13:55,012 Oh, no, she didn't. She raised a heifer. 1024 01:13:56,097 --> 01:13:58,140 Damn! Oh. 1025 01:13:59,476 --> 01:14:01,936 Oh! 1026 01:14:06,358 --> 01:14:09,361 Oh, no. I'm going down. 1027 01:14:10,528 --> 01:14:12,530 Oh, man. Oh, shit. 1028 01:14:16,576 --> 01:14:19,787 Big Momma. Big Momma. 1029 01:14:19,955 --> 01:14:21,456 Oh. 1030 01:14:21,623 --> 01:14:25,585 He said Big Momma. His first words and he said Big Momma. 1031 01:14:25,752 --> 01:14:29,464 Hey, the kid talked. Excellent. 1032 01:14:29,631 --> 01:14:32,008 I am so proud of you. Stakeout. 1033 01:14:32,175 --> 01:14:34,385 What did you say? Stakeout. 1034 01:14:34,552 --> 01:14:37,221 What? Investigate. 1035 01:14:37,389 --> 01:14:40,642 This is really not good. Turner. 1036 01:14:40,809 --> 01:14:43,228 Oh, my God, this is not good. 1037 01:14:43,395 --> 01:14:45,230 FB... Oh. 1038 01:14:45,397 --> 01:14:48,108 We don't want him to use all his words on the first day. 1039 01:14:48,274 --> 01:14:52,774 Wait, Big Momma. I want to hear what he has to say. What did you say? 1040 01:14:56,866 --> 01:14:58,868 Bingo! 1041 01:14:59,035 --> 01:15:00,745 Bingo. 1042 01:15:00,912 --> 01:15:04,749 Yes! Yes! We're back in. We're back in. 1043 01:15:04,916 --> 01:15:07,501 Wow. Great. 1044 01:15:07,669 --> 01:15:10,046 (phone rings) 1045 01:15:10,213 --> 01:15:12,548 Yeah. 1046 01:15:13,466 --> 01:15:15,426 Yeah, I'll be right down. 1047 01:15:15,593 --> 01:15:20,014 What? Tom, no. Your son just spoke his first words. Tell your boss you can't come in. 1048 01:15:20,181 --> 01:15:22,766 You don't understand. I don't have a choice. 1049 01:15:22,934 --> 01:15:27,104 We're gonna stay here and keep playing. Suit yourself. 1050 01:15:27,272 --> 01:15:30,733 We still don't have the password. You've got to get it now. 1051 01:15:30,900 --> 01:15:34,069 Mr. Fuller, wait. Can you carry me to prayer meeting? 1052 01:15:34,237 --> 01:15:36,405 It's at that church right by your office. 1053 01:15:36,573 --> 01:15:40,618 Church by my office? Are you sure? I think I know my own church. 1054 01:15:40,785 --> 01:15:44,747 No. We gotta follow in the van. What are we gonna do about these dogs? 1055 01:15:44,914 --> 01:15:46,916 I don't know. We'll bring 'em back in an hour. 1056 01:15:47,083 --> 01:15:50,044 Just tie 'em down or something and let's go. 1057 01:15:50,211 --> 01:15:53,631 Oh, God. Who was that? Who was that? 1058 01:15:53,798 --> 01:15:55,925 Was that... Mona? Mona, was that you? 1059 01:16:03,099 --> 01:16:05,184 (sighs) 1060 01:16:06,686 --> 01:16:09,689 That's a nice family you got back there. Yeah. 1061 01:16:09,856 --> 01:16:14,356 The reason I pointed it out is because I'm not sure you're around enough to notice. 1062 01:16:15,862 --> 01:16:17,905 OK, I deserve that. 1063 01:16:19,074 --> 01:16:23,574 My dad worked all the time too. Hardly ever saw the man. 1064 01:16:23,953 --> 01:16:26,830 I swore that I was gonna be different, but... 1065 01:16:26,998 --> 01:16:29,250 It's easier than I thought. 1066 01:16:29,417 --> 01:16:31,669 What? Working. 1067 01:16:31,836 --> 01:16:36,336 I'm good at what I do. Real good. I know all the answers. 1068 01:16:37,133 --> 01:16:41,095 Well, at least I used to. Used to? 1069 01:16:41,262 --> 01:16:45,762 You think you have all the bases covered, that you're invulnerable. 1070 01:16:46,184 --> 01:16:50,684 Then one day, someone comes along and knows where to lean. 1071 01:16:57,028 --> 01:17:01,032 Are you sure this is your church? I know my own... 1072 01:17:05,829 --> 01:17:08,998 Of course it is. I'm half Jewish. 1073 01:17:09,499 --> 01:17:13,999 You got a problem? You anti-Semitic... Hey, no. Of course not. Everything's cool. 1074 01:17:14,712 --> 01:17:17,756 That's some nice bling you got on there. 1075 01:17:17,924 --> 01:17:22,424 Oh, it's a class ring. Oklahoma. I thought you said you went to Princeton. 1076 01:17:23,221 --> 01:17:27,721 It was my father's. For all that work, this is all that's left. 1077 01:17:31,062 --> 01:17:33,564 Well, thanks for the ride. 1078 01:17:35,358 --> 01:17:37,651 All right. Bye-bye. 1079 01:17:40,697 --> 01:17:43,825 L'chaim. L'chaim. Shalom. 1080 01:17:48,705 --> 01:17:51,082 Where you at? Thank God. You're alive. 1081 01:17:51,249 --> 01:17:53,417 I got it. Sooners. What? 1082 01:17:53,585 --> 01:17:56,754 His dad, his ring. Just tell Stewart to try it. 1083 01:17:56,921 --> 01:17:59,465 Try Sooners. S-O-O-N-E-R-S. 1084 01:18:01,676 --> 01:18:04,261 (Stewart) I'm in. 1085 01:18:04,429 --> 01:18:06,597 Oh, no. Oh, no? 1086 01:18:06,764 --> 01:18:09,433 The password got us in, but the walls came down. 1087 01:18:09,601 --> 01:18:11,811 It's like a booby trap. We're stuck. 1088 01:18:11,978 --> 01:18:14,897 How about the satellite? That'll work. 1089 01:18:15,064 --> 01:18:19,401 Call Morales. Tell her we'll need tech support and a full tactical package. 1090 01:18:19,569 --> 01:18:20,736 Pick me up. 1091 01:18:20,904 --> 01:18:24,616 Now where are you at? I'm at temple. 1092 01:18:24,782 --> 01:18:28,869 Oh, temple. Well, Shabbat shalom. Let's go. 1093 01:18:44,135 --> 01:18:48,430 What's happening? We've got access to all camera feeds. 1094 01:18:48,598 --> 01:18:51,642 Where's Fuller? He and Casal are in Fuller's office, 1095 01:18:51,809 --> 01:18:56,309 but we're hooked into the surveillance cameras, so if he moves, we'll know. 1096 01:18:56,648 --> 01:19:01,148 Hey, Stewart, I thought you were some kind of genius. How long is this going to take? 1097 01:19:01,778 --> 01:19:05,990 What do you think I'm trying to do here? Get free HBO? This stuff's hard. 1098 01:19:06,157 --> 01:19:08,200 Give me some room. 1099 01:19:09,827 --> 01:19:11,912 (phone rings) 1100 01:19:13,665 --> 01:19:15,375 Hello. 1101 01:19:15,541 --> 01:19:17,167 Big Momma, is that you? 1102 01:19:17,335 --> 01:19:19,795 (as Big Momma) Of course it is. Where are you? 1103 01:19:19,963 --> 01:19:23,633 Listen, I'm at this club called The Zone. 1104 01:19:23,800 --> 01:19:27,094 I'm really scared right now. Can you please come and help me? 1105 01:19:28,471 --> 01:19:30,890 Molly? What's wrong? 1106 01:19:31,057 --> 01:19:33,517 She's in some kind of trouble. What? Who? 1107 01:19:33,685 --> 01:19:36,145 Hey! What are you doing? I gotta go. 1108 01:19:36,312 --> 01:19:37,855 What the hell are you talking about? 1109 01:19:38,022 --> 01:19:41,358 I promised that child that I'd be there for her. 1110 01:19:41,526 --> 01:19:44,362 You're not going anywhere and that's an order. 1111 01:19:44,529 --> 01:19:46,989 Well, that's an order I can't follow. 1112 01:19:47,156 --> 01:19:50,659 You are on thin ice. We are in the middle of this investigation. 1113 01:19:50,827 --> 01:19:52,995 What do you care about a bratty teenager? 1114 01:19:53,162 --> 01:19:57,541 Don't nobody mess with Big Momma's babies. Nobody! 1115 01:20:10,596 --> 01:20:14,558 (Big Momma) Excuse me. Pardon me. Excuse me. Pardon me. 1116 01:20:14,726 --> 01:20:17,895 Excuse me. Thank you. Pardon me. 1117 01:20:18,062 --> 01:20:20,105 Molly! 1118 01:20:22,650 --> 01:20:27,150 Excuse me, darling, but that's my leg you're humping. 1119 01:20:27,488 --> 01:20:30,157 Young people just so nasty today. 1120 01:20:34,078 --> 01:20:37,414 Back up off this girl or I'll knock the taste out your mouth. 1121 01:20:37,582 --> 01:20:41,419 Molly, what are you doing here anyway? This is not the way you were raised. 1122 01:20:41,586 --> 01:20:43,713 I know, but I got a text message from Chad... 1123 01:20:43,880 --> 01:20:46,507 Chad? 1124 01:20:47,383 --> 01:20:51,053 You know what? You and Chad are gonna run my blood pressure up. 1125 01:20:51,220 --> 01:20:52,429 Molly. 1126 01:20:52,597 --> 01:20:55,099 Hey! Where have you been? I got scared. 1127 01:20:55,266 --> 01:20:59,728 Molly, I came here as soon as you called. I swear I didn't send you a message. 1128 01:20:59,896 --> 01:21:03,024 I mean, I've never even heard of this place. What? 1129 01:21:03,191 --> 01:21:07,361 Wait a minute. If you didn't send a message, then who did? 1130 01:21:07,528 --> 01:21:10,197 Wow! That guy works for my dad. 1131 01:21:10,365 --> 01:21:12,408 What's he doing here? 1132 01:21:14,369 --> 01:21:16,079 Molly, he's after you. 1133 01:21:16,245 --> 01:21:18,497 Chad, I need you to run and get some help. 1134 01:21:18,664 --> 01:21:21,416 Molly, I got to get you out of here as fast as possible. 1135 01:21:21,584 --> 01:21:24,795 Excuse me. Pardon me. Coming through. 1136 01:21:26,547 --> 01:21:28,590 Oh, God. 1137 01:21:30,593 --> 01:21:33,554 Is this what you do? Beat up on children and old ladies? 1138 01:21:33,721 --> 01:21:35,597 Hm. Go. 1139 01:21:39,102 --> 01:21:41,395 I don't understand. What's happening? 1140 01:21:41,562 --> 01:21:46,062 Look, I'll explain everything to you later. But right now, watch out, I'm rolling. 1141 01:21:48,403 --> 01:21:50,029 No! 1142 01:21:50,863 --> 01:21:54,074 I can't feel my legs. Sorry. 1143 01:22:00,623 --> 01:22:03,751 Oh, God, this is not how I imagined my death. 1144 01:22:07,338 --> 01:22:09,423 God! 1145 01:22:13,386 --> 01:22:15,638 So get this - he's not really 19. 1146 01:22:17,181 --> 01:22:19,516 Chad. 1147 01:22:19,684 --> 01:22:24,184 It's a fake ID. He told me last night. He said he didn't want any more lies between us. 1148 01:22:24,730 --> 01:22:27,315 Like his earring. Fake. 1149 01:22:27,483 --> 01:22:31,862 The three months he said he spent in juvie, he was at math camp. 1150 01:22:32,029 --> 01:22:36,491 I guess people aren't always what you think they are. 1151 01:22:36,659 --> 01:22:38,869 Like you? Me? 1152 01:22:39,036 --> 01:22:42,873 Yeah. I didn't think you'd turn out to be such a good friend. 1153 01:22:43,040 --> 01:22:45,125 Oh. 1154 01:22:56,179 --> 01:22:58,681 They're gone. I need your help. 1155 01:22:58,848 --> 01:23:01,308 Oh. I got a blade in my girdle. 1156 01:23:01,476 --> 01:23:05,976 Wait, OK. You carry a gun? And you keep a blade in your girdle? What's that about? 1157 01:23:06,731 --> 01:23:09,859 Uh... To protect my virtue. 1158 01:23:10,026 --> 01:23:12,528 Does it really need that much protecting? 1159 01:23:12,695 --> 01:23:15,155 Would you just get over here? 1160 01:23:24,248 --> 01:23:26,416 Ah, that would be our buyer. 1161 01:23:26,584 --> 01:23:28,752 Right on time. 1162 01:23:28,920 --> 01:23:33,257 Since you never really bought into our little project, precautions had to be taken. 1163 01:23:33,424 --> 01:23:37,594 What do you mean? We have your daughter Molly. 1164 01:23:40,056 --> 01:23:41,182 Bastard! 1165 01:23:51,317 --> 01:23:55,029 Call FBI. Ask for a woman by the name of Morales. 1166 01:23:55,196 --> 01:23:57,698 Stay on the line so they can trace the call. 1167 01:24:19,178 --> 01:24:21,680 Very nice. 1168 01:24:21,847 --> 01:24:24,307 But we're not through, are we? 1169 01:24:24,475 --> 01:24:26,977 No, we're not. 1170 01:24:27,144 --> 01:24:30,772 I'm afraid his contract had a "no loose ends" clause. 1171 01:24:30,940 --> 01:24:35,069 No. No, no, no, please. Listen. Please. Look, I promise I won't say anything. 1172 01:24:35,236 --> 01:24:38,447 (Big Momma) Whoo! What is that? 1173 01:24:41,367 --> 01:24:43,327 Is that your nanny? 1174 01:24:58,259 --> 01:25:02,012 Are you OK? I'm fine. How did you learn to do that? 1175 01:25:02,179 --> 01:25:04,639 I took a class at the YMCA. 1176 01:25:04,807 --> 01:25:07,184 Look, let's go. 1177 01:25:11,897 --> 01:25:13,732 That must be some Y. 1178 01:25:46,265 --> 01:25:48,225 (whistles) 1179 01:25:54,440 --> 01:25:56,525 Sorry. Sorry. 1180 01:25:56,984 --> 01:25:59,903 That was... I mean... You need to stay out of sight. 1181 01:26:00,071 --> 01:26:03,199 Stay out of sight. I will. Yeah. 1182 01:26:08,788 --> 01:26:13,209 Wow. She's, like, the best nanny ever. 1183 01:26:26,889 --> 01:26:29,141 Oh, my God. 1184 01:26:32,103 --> 01:26:35,106 I knew that thong would come in handy. 1185 01:27:09,598 --> 01:27:12,642 Big Momma. Big Momma, are you OK? 1186 01:27:12,810 --> 01:27:14,228 (whistles) 1187 01:27:14,395 --> 01:27:15,854 Tom. 1188 01:27:16,021 --> 01:27:17,939 No loose ends. 1189 01:27:22,695 --> 01:27:25,155 Smith, Grady, with me. Secure the area! 1190 01:27:25,322 --> 01:27:27,073 Big Momma. Big Momma. 1191 01:27:27,241 --> 01:27:30,160 Gun to the left. Get up! Up! Up! 1192 01:27:30,327 --> 01:27:33,163 Stand back! Stand back! 1193 01:27:33,330 --> 01:27:37,625 I'm going to have to perform mouth-to-mouth. 1194 01:27:38,377 --> 01:27:42,047 The hell you are. What are you, crazy? 1195 01:27:44,467 --> 01:27:46,844 (Tom) Whoa. Whoa. 1196 01:27:47,011 --> 01:27:50,472 OK. This explains so much. 1197 01:27:52,099 --> 01:27:54,893 I believe this was meant for you. 1198 01:27:55,895 --> 01:27:58,522 So you're... FBI. 1199 01:28:02,860 --> 01:28:05,654 Before you guys get too comfortable, cuff him. 1200 01:28:05,821 --> 01:28:08,031 Whoa, whoa. 1201 01:28:08,199 --> 01:28:12,699 They forced him to do it. They told him if he didn't do it, they'd kill his family. 1202 01:28:14,622 --> 01:28:18,917 So in your report? I'll say he was an unwilling participant. 1203 01:28:19,084 --> 01:28:21,836 So no charges should be filed. 1204 01:28:22,004 --> 01:28:24,047 No charges? 1205 01:28:28,302 --> 01:28:30,053 OK. 1206 01:28:30,221 --> 01:28:33,557 I guess I owe you that much. All right. 1207 01:28:33,724 --> 01:28:36,435 Good job, Turner. Thank you. 1208 01:28:41,941 --> 01:28:44,360 She said good job. 1209 01:28:46,320 --> 01:28:49,573 Um... Thank you for standing up for me. 1210 01:28:49,740 --> 01:28:54,077 What makes you think... Look... I didn't do it for you, OK? 1211 01:28:54,245 --> 01:28:58,415 I did it so your kids wouldn't spend 20 years talking to you on a prison phone. 1212 01:28:58,582 --> 01:29:02,711 I know. I know I've got a lot of ground to make up with them. I swear I will. 1213 01:29:02,878 --> 01:29:05,255 Good. 1214 01:29:06,257 --> 01:29:10,757 So... Looks like we're gonna have to find ourselves a new nanny. 1215 01:29:11,011 --> 01:29:13,304 Well, not quite yet. 1216 01:29:14,348 --> 01:29:17,601 I got one more promise to keep. 1217 01:29:23,315 --> 01:29:25,400 Dad. 1218 01:29:30,823 --> 01:29:33,951 ♪ Get your body up off the wall Get your body up off the wall 1219 01:29:34,118 --> 01:29:38,618 ♪ Get your body up, get your body up Get your body up off the wall 1220 01:29:48,841 --> 01:29:53,341 Well. Well, I hope you girls are ready cos I came to see a show. 1221 01:29:54,179 --> 01:29:57,557 Big Momma, we got a problem. Miss Lisa was our base. 1222 01:29:57,725 --> 01:30:00,436 Without a base, we can't do any stunts. 1223 01:30:03,314 --> 01:30:07,234 What did you do to yourself? Lordy. 1224 01:30:07,401 --> 01:30:09,820 Well, no worries. No worries. 1225 01:30:09,987 --> 01:30:13,073 We gonna turn it out. Come on. 1226 01:30:13,240 --> 01:30:17,077 (PA) And now the junior cheer squad from the Newport district. 1227 01:30:17,244 --> 01:30:19,329 Let's give it up for Emerson. 1228 01:30:19,496 --> 01:30:20,955 (applause) 1229 01:30:22,708 --> 01:30:27,208 ♪ B-I-T-T-Y, the party's over here tonight Hey, bitty, what you wanna do? 1230 01:30:28,005 --> 01:30:29,631 ♪ What's up with me and you? 1231 01:30:29,798 --> 01:30:34,298 ♪ B-I-T-T-Y, the party's over here tonight Hey, bitty, what you wanna do? 1232 01:30:34,470 --> 01:30:36,680 ♪ Cos I'm gonna put it on ya 1233 01:30:36,847 --> 01:30:39,850 <i>♪ Hey, Ma, let's get it, I'm with it What's up with you and me?</i> 1234 01:30:40,017 --> 01:30:43,562 ♪ The loudest brothers coming through your rep in NYC 1235 01:30:43,729 --> 01:30:45,105 ♪ Got the bitties over there still checking me 1236 01:30:45,272 --> 01:30:46,648 ♪ Haters wondering what to be, what's chasing me 1237 01:30:46,815 --> 01:30:48,316 ♪ I'm in the F-5, honey, you ain't catching me 1238 01:30:48,484 --> 01:30:50,194 ♪ Mind over money Set your honeys on the back seat 1239 01:30:50,361 --> 01:30:53,614 <i>♪ I need a bitty who's pretty and keeps her game tight</i> 1240 01:30:53,781 --> 01:30:56,867 ♪ Could you be that girl? That nasty, naughty, shorty, gaudy 1241 01:30:57,034 --> 01:31:01,534 <i>♪ Shake that thing, break that thing I just wanna see you dance, girl</i> 1242 01:31:01,705 --> 01:31:05,208 ♪ What you wanna do? What's up with me and you? 1243 01:31:05,376 --> 01:31:08,212 ♪ B-I-T-T-Y, the party's over here tonight 1244 01:31:08,379 --> 01:31:12,132 ♪ Hey, bitty, what you wanna do? Cos I'm gonna put it on ya 1245 01:31:12,299 --> 01:31:13,675 ♪ Put away now, didn't do your thing now 1246 01:31:13,842 --> 01:31:15,552 <i>♪ Bitties all over coming over trying to break out</i> 1247 01:31:15,719 --> 01:31:19,055 ♪ Got a new swirl, what you wanna do girl? You, girl, me and you, really cruel, girl 1248 01:31:19,223 --> 01:31:22,226 ♪ Cos I'm gonna rock your world, till I hit the crib with the diamonds, make your toes curl! 1249 01:31:22,393 --> 01:31:26,146 ♪ Oh, Nitty, you're so fine You're so fine you blow my mind, hey, Nitty 1250 01:31:26,313 --> 01:31:29,190 ♪ What you wanna do? What's up with me and you? 1251 01:31:29,358 --> 01:31:32,319 ♪ B-I-T-T-Y, the party's over here tonight 1252 01:31:32,486 --> 01:31:35,906 ♪ Hey, bitty, what you wanna do? Cos I'm gonna put it on ya 1253 01:31:36,073 --> 01:31:39,826 ♪ Oh, Nitty, you're so fine You're so fine, you blow my mind, hey, Nitty 1254 01:31:39,994 --> 01:31:42,746 ♪ What you wanna do? What's up with me and you? 1255 01:31:42,913 --> 01:31:46,041 ♪ B-I-T-T-Y, the party's over here tonight 1256 01:31:46,208 --> 01:31:50,420 ♪ Hey, bitty, what you wanna do? Cos I'm gonna put it on ya 1257 01:31:53,007 --> 01:31:55,426 <i>Whoa Whoo!</i> 1258 01:31:56,301 --> 01:31:58,761 Whoo! 1259 01:32:05,477 --> 01:32:06,936 What? 1260 01:32:07,104 --> 01:32:08,563 Andrew! No! 1261 01:32:12,359 --> 01:32:14,444 Hi, Big Momma. 1262 01:32:17,448 --> 01:32:21,201 That was fun. Let's do it again. 1263 01:32:25,456 --> 01:32:28,792 (Big Momma) It hurts me to leave without saying goodbye, 1264 01:32:28,959 --> 01:32:31,252 but I best be moving on. 1265 01:32:33,964 --> 01:32:38,464 Though I kept it to myself, when I came to you, my heart was heavy. 1266 01:32:41,555 --> 01:32:44,933 It's a loud, noisy world we live in. 1267 01:32:45,100 --> 01:32:48,061 And sometimes we lose our way. 1268 01:32:48,228 --> 01:32:52,728 But if we're lucky, the good Lord sends someone to bring us home. 1269 01:32:54,777 --> 01:32:59,277 Make no never mind about it - loving people is hard work. 1270 01:33:00,991 --> 01:33:05,491 And families, with all those lives mixing together, 1271 01:33:06,163 --> 01:33:08,415 it gets kind of scary. 1272 01:33:21,011 --> 01:33:24,014 But if we grab hold of each other, 1273 01:33:24,181 --> 01:33:26,850 and hold on, 1274 01:33:27,017 --> 01:33:31,146 there's nothing more beautiful in the world. 1275 01:33:31,313 --> 01:33:35,813 You angels are in my heart and I'll never forget you. 1276 01:33:36,318 --> 01:33:40,818 And keep a lookout. You never know when Big Momma might be back. 1277 01:33:52,209 --> 01:33:55,420 (♪ "Private Dancer" by We Got Action) 1277 01:33:56,305 --> 01:34:56,169