"Family Guy" Karenheit 451

1 00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:03,086 [♪ Tribal music playing] 2 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:11,074 3 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,986 {\an8}It's awful, just awful. 4 00:01:11,697 --> 00:01:14,365 {\an8}I got these for free and I put in prescription lenses. 5 00:01:14,366 --> 00:01:15,741 {\an8}Okay, let's go crowd the gate 6 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,327 {\an8}even though we're in group R. 7 00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:22,498 {\an8}<i>♪ On a coconut island ♪</i> 8 00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:26,336 {\an8}<i>♪ I'd like to be a castaway with you ♪</i> 9 00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:30,548 {\an8}<i>♪ On a coconut island there wouldn't be so... ♪</i> 10 00:01:30,549 --> 00:01:32,758 {\an8}Man, Bermuda is beautiful, isn't it? 11 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:36,387 {\an8}You bet. And now I can cross another place off my <i>Kokomo</i> bucket list. 12 00:01:36,388 --> 00:01:37,471 {\an8}What's that? 13 00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:39,599 {\an8}Oh, I sorta used the lyrics to <i>Kokomo</i> 14 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,518 {\an8}as my life's itinerary. I don't have a travel agent. 15 00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:44,604 {\an8}-I just have <i>Kokomo.</i> -[Cleveland] Mmm. 16 00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:47,815 {\an8}I do recall your trips to Aruba and Montego. 17 00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:49,609 {\an8}Yep, and now Bermuda, 18 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,402 {\an8}uh, I did Benihana... 19 00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:53,279 {\an8}-It's not "Benihana." -Sure is. 20 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,572 {\an8}It's the cheapest one, honestly. 21 00:01:54,573 --> 00:01:57,450 {\an8}Boy, I can't wait till we can finally go to Kokomo. 22 00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:58,910 {\an8}Kokomo isn't real, Joe. 23 00:01:58,911 --> 00:02:00,703 {\an8}It's a common misconception. 24 00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:03,748 {\an8}If you go to all the others, you unlock Kokomo. 25 00:02:03,749 --> 00:02:05,374 {\an8}Only thing about Kokomo, though, 26 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,543 {\an8}is you can check out any time you like... 27 00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:09,003 {\an8}but you can never leave. 28 00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:10,506 {\an8}That's something else entirely! 29 00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:15,636 {\an8}[♪ Tribal music playing] 30 00:02:18,180 --> 00:02:20,431 Welcome to the White Lotus Bermuda! 31 00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:22,558 {\an8}Named after the sports car, not the flower. 32 00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:25,645 {\an8}Wow, Brian, you look so handsome in that suit! 33 00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:27,021 {\an8}And I can't believe they already 34 00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:28,439 {\an8}promoted you to manager! 35 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,651 {\an8}Honestly, Lois, working here has been just the change I needed. 36 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,194 {\an8}I made the choice to sober up 37 00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:34,946 {\an8}and start a new clean life. 38 00:02:34,947 --> 00:02:36,656 {\an8}Me and Jeffrey can't believe 39 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:39,492 {\an8}we's finally in the Bermuda Guy-Angle, 40 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,536 {\an8}where we hear lots of handsome men 41 00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:44,372 {\an8}have mysteriously gone down over the years. 42 00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:46,917 {\an8}[laughing] This is already a good trip. 43 00:02:47,459 --> 00:02:50,087 {\an8}For a grand a night, that should really be an iPad. 44 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:57,553 {\an8}[♪ Tribal music playing] 45 00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:59,595 Wow, look at this room! 46 00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:01,764 And what a beautiful painting! 47 00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:04,225 Ah, yes. By a talented local artist. 48 00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:06,310 It depicts the legend of a fat husband 49 00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:07,645 who ignored his wife, 50 00:03:07,646 --> 00:03:08,771 so she beheaded him 51 00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:10,273 and had sex with his best friend, 52 00:03:10,274 --> 00:03:12,024 who was a regional airline pilot. 53 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,609 Man, I just don't get art. 54 00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:15,194 {\an8}Yeah, great, can we just get to my room? 55 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,614 {\an8}I've been holding in a dump since America. 56 00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:19,991 Look at us, Peter, huh? 57 00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:22,411 Finally on a romantic vacation together! 58 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:26,289 [gasps] Ooh, you know what? Let's have crazy vacation sex, 59 00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:28,958 right here, right now! 60 00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,334 Eh, I dunno, maybe later. 61 00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:33,462 I mean, you know my kryptonite is drapes that can open by a button. 62 00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:34,630 Pick your poison, Lois. 63 00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:37,175 Just the sheers? Full blackout? Or... 64 00:03:37,176 --> 00:03:38,551 Uh, I think I broke it. 65 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:41,012 [sighs] Forget it. I'll be at the pool. 66 00:03:41,013 --> 00:03:42,221 Okay, I'll meet you down there. 67 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:45,559 I need 20 minutes for those red lines from my socks to smooth out. 68 00:03:46,018 --> 00:03:48,978 [♪ Tribal music playing] 69 00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,438 [slurping] 70 00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:51,981 Oh, Brian, I'm so glad you're here. 71 00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:53,107 I never do this, 72 00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:54,775 but one of the bellhops yelled at me 73 00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:56,277 when I was playing on the baggage cart 74 00:03:56,278 --> 00:03:57,445 and I want him fired. 75 00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:59,030 Stewie, he has three children. 76 00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:01,490 Yeah, again, I never do this... 77 00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:02,658 Why are you dressed like that? 78 00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:05,244 Oh, when I go on vacation, I like to spice things up 79 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:08,623 by adopting a travel persona named "Desmond Voyage." 80 00:04:08,624 --> 00:04:10,374 Oh, and one other teensy thing, 81 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:13,377 I actually specifically requested an ocean-view room. 82 00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:14,921 You have an ocean-view room. 83 00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,507 Eh, technically, I'm looking out onto a bay. 84 00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:18,591 It's water. 85 00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:21,260 Yeah, a bay is actually a curvature in the shoreline 86 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,595 that creates an inlet. 87 00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:24,388 I don't want to have to look at any land. 88 00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:25,515 [sighs] 89 00:04:25,516 --> 00:04:26,641 Oh, hey, there. 90 00:04:26,642 --> 00:04:28,684 We's just gonna scooch in next to you, 91 00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:30,269 but sorry if we get loud. 92 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,896 We's just settlin' an argument 93 00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:34,982 about what the deal is with Hilaria Baldwin. 94 00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:36,150 I'll tell you her deal. 95 00:04:36,151 --> 00:04:39,028 She's a woman from Boston named Hillary Hayward-Thomas, 96 00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:41,197 who, on her first date with Alec Baldwin, 97 00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:44,033 probably said <i>"por favor"</i> to a waiter to seem exotic, 98 00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:46,577 and has been cosplaying as a Latina ever since. 99 00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:48,496 Mmm, I like you. 100 00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:50,331 What's your name? Unless you don't wanna say 101 00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:52,625 'cause it's boring and ordinary. 102 00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,460 Desmond Voyage. 103 00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,254 [all] Ooooh! 104 00:04:56,255 --> 00:04:59,799 Desmond, would you join me, Jeffrey, and Dennis for dinner tonight? 105 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,552 Well, that depends on the menu, because I'm gluten-free. 106 00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:04,303 Not medically. Just for the drama. 107 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,013 [all] Ooooh! 108 00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:09,600 [♪ Tribal music playing] 109 00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:12,895 C'mon, Chris. The drinking age in Bermuda is only 18, 110 00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:14,480 so I wanna buy some rum to pound 111 00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,107 so I can get totally blitzed! 112 00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:17,900 It honestly makes me sad 113 00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:20,487 you feel the need to show off to your own brother. 114 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:27,994 Oh, my God. I must have this! 115 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,288 What? Some lame touristy T-shirt? 116 00:05:30,289 --> 00:05:32,164 {\an8}Meg, according to high-school law, 117 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,458 {\an8}vacation shirts equal status. 118 00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:38,296 {\an8}And Neil Goldman has been rubbing Señor Frog's Cancun 119 00:05:38,297 --> 00:05:40,548 {\an8}in my face for far too long. 120 00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:42,593 {\an8}Fine, we'll get the rum and the T-shirt. 121 00:05:44,303 --> 00:05:45,928 That'll be $90. 122 00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:47,138 $90? 123 00:05:47,139 --> 00:05:49,724 -How much for just the shirt? -$40. 124 00:05:49,725 --> 00:05:51,726 How much for... nothing? 125 00:05:51,727 --> 00:05:52,935 That's $5. 126 00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:56,940 [announcer] <i>Hotels! What are you gonna do, take a cab to a pharmacy?</i> 127 00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:59,526 [♪ Upbeat music playing] 128 00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:03,863 Oh, my God, I can't wait to see St. David's Lighthouse! 129 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,031 I know! 130 00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,866 What're we gonna do at a stupid lighthouse? 131 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,327 Wake me when it's a roadhouse. 132 00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:10,286 [tires screeching] 133 00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:11,662 Peter, you're driving! 134 00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,081 -[tires screeching] -Sorry. 135 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,627 Holy crap! Did you guys see that? 136 00:06:17,628 --> 00:06:19,295 "World's Best Cheesecake"! 137 00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:22,049 [tires screeching] 138 00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:25,676 In Bermuda? Peter, there's no way that's true. 139 00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:27,428 Yeah, I don't know, Lois. Who am I gonna listen to? 140 00:06:27,429 --> 00:06:29,764 My wife or a sign on the side of the highway? 141 00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:33,101 Dammit, Peter, I will not let you ruin another trip for me! 142 00:06:33,352 --> 00:06:35,645 Come on, Glenn, let's go see that lighthouse! 143 00:06:35,646 --> 00:06:36,771 Fine. Go. 144 00:06:36,772 --> 00:06:37,856 Taxi! 145 00:06:44,655 --> 00:06:48,700 [♪ Ominous music playing] 146 00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:56,750 -Good afternoon, sir. May I interest you... -Sorry, I'm from the United States, 147 00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:58,793 so I'm scared to talk to anyone from the island 148 00:06:58,794 --> 00:07:00,254 who doesn't work at the resort. 149 00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:06,969 [♪ Tribal music playing] 150 00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:10,513 [telephone ringing] 151 00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:11,889 Front desk, this is Brian. 152 00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:14,350 Yes, I'd like to request a wake-up call for tomorrow 153 00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:15,726 even though every human on Earth 154 00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:17,603 now has an alarm clock in their pocket. 155 00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:20,106 Oh, hey, Stewie. Sorry again about the mix-up with your room, 156 00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:23,067 but I hope you're enjoying the apology fruit platter I sent up. 157 00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:24,735 Meh, it's mostly honeydew. 158 00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:26,904 And not a berry to be found on the whole plate. 159 00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:28,364 What do you mean? There's strawberries. 160 00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:29,907 Mmm, not technically a berry. 161 00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:32,159 It's actually an aggregate accessory fruit. 162 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,911 It's got the word "berry" in the name! 163 00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:36,330 Doesn't make it a berry. It's also got the word "straw," 164 00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:37,748 but I'm not sipping my drink through it. 165 00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:40,084 So now I'm sitting here, staring at a bay 166 00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:42,253 with a plate of aggregate accessory fruit 167 00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:44,548 and wondering how you plan to make this up to me! 168 00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,466 Oh, hey, Peter. How's the trip going? 169 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:51,220 Awesome, Brian. Not only did I manage to find the world's best cheesecake, 170 00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:53,015 I even brought back an extra piece. 171 00:07:53,265 --> 00:07:55,016 Hey, I saw Lois and Quagmire 172 00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:56,817 have been posting a ton of stuff on Instagram. 173 00:07:57,019 --> 00:07:58,478 Seems like they had quite a day. 174 00:08:03,192 --> 00:08:04,901 Does this bother you at all? 175 00:08:04,902 --> 00:08:07,778 No way. I'm doing vacation exactly right. 176 00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:11,449 Some idiot's takin' my wife to all the boring places I don't wanna go. 177 00:08:11,450 --> 00:08:15,453 Meanwhile, I'm at the hotel just eatin' cheesecake and ordering more towels. 178 00:08:15,454 --> 00:08:17,915 Hey, can I get more towels to room 412? 179 00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:21,251 -[♪ Tribal music playing] -[waves crashing] 180 00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:25,463 Hmm, I think I'll get the salmon. 181 00:08:25,464 --> 00:08:26,715 The salmon, huh? 182 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,549 I think that's a great idea! 183 00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,843 [laughs] Oh, my God, what is that? 184 00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:33,304 It's a Christmas ornament I got at the lighthouse gift shop. 185 00:08:33,305 --> 00:08:35,431 Ooh, I just love small things 186 00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,642 that remind me of big things I've seen! 187 00:08:37,643 --> 00:08:40,019 [slurping] Settle down. 188 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,606 Another Oreo cookie milkshake with vodka in it! 189 00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,650 You know, I'm feeling a little hot in these pants. 190 00:08:45,651 --> 00:08:47,360 I may just go upstairs real quick 191 00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:48,778 to change into a sarong. 192 00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:51,447 Huh. I feel like I'd also like to slip into my sarong. 193 00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:52,741 Sarong run? 194 00:08:53,492 --> 00:08:55,910 You okay with them spending so much time together? 195 00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:58,079 Yeah, no one in the history of the world 196 00:08:58,080 --> 00:08:59,956 has ever gone on a sarong run. 197 00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:01,165 Relax, it's fine. 198 00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:04,460 And no amount of ominous waves crashing onto a rocky shore 199 00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:05,920 are gonna change my mind. 200 00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:10,509 -[♪ Ominous music playing] -[waves crashing] 201 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,679 Now, Rupert, we mustn't let our new friends 202 00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:16,764 see that we are anything but adults, 203 00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:17,890 just like they are. 204 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,767 So, Desmond, what did you do today? 205 00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:22,144 Oh, I spent most of the day in the business center, 206 00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:24,230 -as adults do. -Really? 207 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:27,233 Yes, they're running an Epson ET-5180 in there. 208 00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,985 Not my preferred choice, but, you know... 209 00:09:28,986 --> 00:09:31,613 thing jammed and I didn't even cry. No tantrum. 210 00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:34,115 Just kept on doing my business. 211 00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:36,701 You guys, let's totally do credit card roulette 212 00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:37,910 to see who pays for dinner. 213 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,161 -Right? Yeah. -I love it. 214 00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:41,498 Oh, indeed, he... here's... here's mine. 215 00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:45,251 This is a <i>Peppa Pig</i> bookmark. 216 00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:47,670 No! No, they let you customize the credit card. 217 00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:49,463 I almost went with the Montreal Expos. 218 00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:51,048 They're not a team anymore. 219 00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:52,758 Yeah, I'm a big nostalgia guy. 220 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:53,968 Ah, there you are, Stew... 221 00:09:53,969 --> 00:09:56,137 I mean, um... Mr. Voyage. 222 00:09:56,138 --> 00:09:57,972 With apologies for the earlier fruit plate, 223 00:09:57,973 --> 00:10:00,308 please accept this complimentary seafood tower. 224 00:10:00,309 --> 00:10:01,767 Great. Now, could you bring us another one 225 00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,186 that you haven't talked all over? 226 00:10:03,187 --> 00:10:05,229 And I'd say this is less a seafood tower 227 00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:07,190 than it is a seafood duplex. 228 00:10:07,191 --> 00:10:09,108 [laughing] 229 00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:12,528 Perhaps you'd prefer a complimentary bottle of our finest Riesling? 230 00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:14,822 -Oh, that's sweet. -It's the least we could do. 231 00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:16,449 No, I'm talking about the Riesling. 232 00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:19,368 I didn't realize this was a bachelorette party in Nashville. 233 00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,953 Just bring back another seafood tower 234 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,372 and the score of the Expos game. 235 00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:25,333 That was amazing. 236 00:10:25,334 --> 00:10:29,128 Desmond, you absolutely have to join us on our yacht tomorrow. 237 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,339 "Yacht"? I say, that sounds lovely! 238 00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:34,717 Yay! We's gonna sail to and then hike up 239 00:10:34,718 --> 00:10:37,428 a volcano called The Purple Head. 240 00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:39,430 That's right. We's gonna start at the base 241 00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:41,182 and then work our way to the tip. 242 00:10:41,183 --> 00:10:42,642 You've got to be careful, though, 243 00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:44,644 because The Purple Head's been known to erupt 244 00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:45,937 when you least expect it. 245 00:10:45,938 --> 00:10:48,773 I even heard it's created the world's biggest ash-hole. 246 00:10:48,774 --> 00:10:50,192 I'm gonna join this table. 247 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,652 Peter, it seems like it's been a while 248 00:10:52,653 --> 00:10:54,987 since Quagmire and Lois went upstairs. 249 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,490 Yeah, fine, I'll go check on 'em. 250 00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:59,201 -[♪ Ominous music playing] -[waves crashing] 251 00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,996 [gasps] Oh, my God! 252 00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:06,458 And I gotta clean it all up! 253 00:11:07,543 --> 00:11:08,918 Yes, this is room 412. 254 00:11:08,919 --> 00:11:10,546 Can I have some more towels, please? 255 00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:15,467 [♪ Tribal music playing] 256 00:11:16,677 --> 00:11:18,511 Meg, look! It's that shirt! 257 00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:21,347 Oh, God, I want it so bad! 258 00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:24,308 Y'know, there is one way for me to get that rum 259 00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:25,769 and for you to get that T-shirt. 260 00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:27,855 We could always shoplift 'em. 261 00:11:28,105 --> 00:11:30,273 Shoplift? Who do I look like, 262 00:11:30,274 --> 00:11:32,400 celebrity film critic Rex Reed? 263 00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:34,194 Convicted killer Robert Durst? 264 00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:36,946 Journeyman quarterback Jameis Winston? 265 00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:39,949 Okay, I'm not exactly sure what this is, but... 266 00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:41,034 yeah. 267 00:11:41,785 --> 00:11:44,328 [♪ Tribal music playing] 268 00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:47,999 -Hm, okay, I'm not sure how we... -Relax, I got this. 269 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,168 Go into a changing room, put the rum in your backpack. 270 00:11:50,169 --> 00:11:52,003 Meanwhile, I'll go in another changing room, 271 00:11:52,004 --> 00:11:55,339 put the shirt on, then casually walk out like I came in wearing it. 272 00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:56,967 Okay. Got it. 273 00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:02,722 What are you doing? 274 00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:05,184 -Run! Run! I messed up! -[screams] 275 00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:09,604 Desmond! You made it! 276 00:12:09,605 --> 00:12:10,771 Yes, I'm sorry I'm late! 277 00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:13,191 I was in the business center helping Mr. Takahashi 278 00:12:13,192 --> 00:12:14,775 log into his United account. 279 00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:16,611 Do you know he's 75? 280 00:12:16,612 --> 00:12:18,905 I have no idea who you're talking about. 281 00:12:18,906 --> 00:12:21,909 All right, now could someone please help me onto the boat like a woman? 282 00:12:22,326 --> 00:12:25,329 Yes, there you are, just guide me by my wrist and elbow. 283 00:12:25,454 --> 00:12:28,207 So, heading up the volcano again? 284 00:12:28,332 --> 00:12:31,209 Yep. And just like every year, when we reach the top, 285 00:12:31,210 --> 00:12:34,212 we're all going to make a sacrifice. 286 00:12:34,213 --> 00:12:35,963 [gasps] "Sacrifice"? 287 00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:37,965 Well, no wonder they've been so nice to me, Rupert. 288 00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:40,468 They're going to make a sacrifice to the volcano. 289 00:12:40,469 --> 00:12:42,596 And I'm the only virgin on this boat! 290 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,097 No, no, no, I don't care if you've found Jesus. 291 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,808 What happened before still counts. 292 00:12:49,144 --> 00:12:51,396 [♪ Tribal music playing] 293 00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:56,108 Caught shoplifting booze and a T-shirt? 294 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,229 What were you guys thinking? 295 00:12:57,361 --> 00:12:58,694 I'm sorry, Brian. 296 00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:01,656 I was just trying to keep up with Neil Goldman. 297 00:13:01,657 --> 00:13:04,158 Oh, yeah, that Señor Frog's Cancun shirt? 298 00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:05,660 Oh, yeah, no, that thing's badass. 299 00:13:05,661 --> 00:13:08,162 But, Meg, it says here you not only stole rum, 300 00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:11,917 but also two tiny novelty license plates that say "Mel" and "Greg"? 301 00:13:12,251 --> 00:13:15,461 I was gonna cut 'em in half and solder 'em together to spell "Meg." 302 00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:18,464 There's no way people are still naming their kids "Mel." 303 00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,842 Like, name one "Mel" under 50. 304 00:13:20,843 --> 00:13:22,051 I think we're getting off track. 305 00:13:22,052 --> 00:13:24,971 I'm just saying, you can stop printing the "Mel" s. 306 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:26,222 -We don't print them. -Okay, 307 00:13:26,223 --> 00:13:28,684 then you can stop ordering the "Mel" s. 308 00:13:29,184 --> 00:13:33,188 [♪ Melancholy music playing] 309 00:13:34,773 --> 00:13:37,860 Hey, Lois... open wide. 310 00:13:39,570 --> 00:13:42,196 Glenn, I want you to take my cherry. 311 00:13:42,197 --> 00:13:44,115 Yeah, I'll take your cherry. 312 00:13:44,116 --> 00:13:45,283 You want my crust? 313 00:13:45,284 --> 00:13:46,576 Eww... no. 314 00:13:46,577 --> 00:13:47,994 No, I mean, I like crust, 315 00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,122 but don't... ugh, don't say it like that. 316 00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:53,166 [crying] 317 00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:57,545 -[♪ Tribal music playing] -[waves crashing] 318 00:13:57,546 --> 00:13:59,505 [telephone ringing] 319 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:00,591 This is Brian. 320 00:14:00,716 --> 00:14:02,216 [executive] <i>Brian, this is a resort executive</i> 321 00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:04,303 <i>in a heavily-embroidered open-collar shirt.</i> 322 00:14:04,595 --> 00:14:07,346 We've gotten several complaints from a very important guest, 323 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:08,556 Desmond Voyage, 324 00:14:08,557 --> 00:14:11,350 including the fact that, "The in-room movie selections 325 00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,227 don't include <i>Michael Clayton,</i> 326 00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:17,191 despite there clearly being a still image of it on the home screen." 327 00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:18,482 Frickin' Stewie... 328 00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:21,444 He says, for him, "Falling asleep to George Clooney 329 00:14:21,445 --> 00:14:23,779 shouting about toxic agrochemicals 330 00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:25,990 scratches a very specific itch." 331 00:14:25,991 --> 00:14:27,409 Yep, I'll handle it. Thanks. 332 00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:29,203 [sighs] 333 00:14:30,621 --> 00:14:35,751 [♪ Suspenseful music playing] 334 00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:40,630 Ah, I've missed you, Captain. 335 00:14:40,631 --> 00:14:42,924 And I've missed you, Brett. 336 00:14:42,925 --> 00:14:44,551 It's... it's Brian. 337 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:48,931 Oh, sorry, I... I guess I'm always super-wasted when we hang out. 338 00:14:49,348 --> 00:14:53,352 [♪ Mysterious tribal music playing] 339 00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:57,439 Hey, so, this seems far enough, right? 340 00:14:57,898 --> 00:14:59,732 Like, I bet if we turn around now, 341 00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:03,319 we can still get back in time to make fun of the cabana waitress 342 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,738 with the lopsided boob job, heh? 343 00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:07,490 Dammit, Rupert, we're running out of time... 344 00:15:07,491 --> 00:15:09,867 [gasps] I've got a signal! I've got to call Brian! 345 00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:10,952 [phone ringing] 346 00:15:10,953 --> 00:15:12,662 -Hello. -Brian, help! 347 00:15:12,663 --> 00:15:14,455 I'm hiking to the top of a volcano 348 00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:16,999 where I'm going to be thrown to my death as a sacrifice! 349 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,209 Screw you, Stewie. 350 00:15:18,210 --> 00:15:20,629 You've turned my job into a total nightmare. 351 00:15:20,796 --> 00:15:24,507 Hey, you... you think a novel set inside a mushroom would be a good idea? 352 00:15:24,508 --> 00:15:26,759 Except... except you wouldn't know it's a mushroom 353 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,135 until the very last page. 354 00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,220 I'd call it... 355 00:15:29,221 --> 00:15:30,972 "Mushroom Surprise." 356 00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:32,223 Well, that kind of gives it away. 357 00:15:32,224 --> 00:15:33,724 No, no, 'cause in the story, 358 00:15:33,725 --> 00:15:35,351 that... that's the guy's favorite soup, 359 00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:37,311 so, like, that's what you'd think it means. 360 00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:39,105 Honestly, I don't get the whole soup angle. 361 00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:40,606 It seems needlessly confusing. 362 00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:41,691 You don't know! 363 00:15:41,692 --> 00:15:43,317 You always think you're better than me. 364 00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:44,402 Well, you're not. 365 00:15:44,403 --> 00:15:47,280 In fact, I've met a ton of celebrities at this job. 366 00:15:47,281 --> 00:15:49,949 -Name one. -Um... Brad? 367 00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:52,786 Brad somebody? He was in, um... 368 00:15:53,537 --> 00:15:55,580 Go to hell, Stewie! I'm not helping you! 369 00:15:55,581 --> 00:15:57,415 Brian, please! Don't hang up! 370 00:15:57,416 --> 00:15:58,958 Oh, Rupert, I'm so scared! 371 00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:01,294 -This may finally be the end for me... -[phone ringing] 372 00:16:01,295 --> 00:16:02,628 -[beep] -Hello? Brian? 373 00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:04,338 I remembered which Brad it was. 374 00:16:04,339 --> 00:16:06,049 It was Toby Huss. 375 00:16:06,592 --> 00:16:08,885 [♪ Ominous music playing] 376 00:16:08,886 --> 00:16:12,514 -[♪ Tribal music playing] -[waves crashing] 377 00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:17,310 So... is there somethin' you wanna tell me? 378 00:16:17,311 --> 00:16:21,355 Oh, nothing, just swam with a dolphin this morning, no biggie. 379 00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:24,193 -Not you! -It actually was me. Check Facebook. 380 00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:27,361 Peter, uh, Lois and I don't know what you're talking about. 381 00:16:27,362 --> 00:16:30,114 I know you've been eatin' cheesecake with my wife behind my back! 382 00:16:30,115 --> 00:16:32,117 You left a used napkin in the couch! 383 00:16:32,618 --> 00:16:35,913 Okay fine, Peter, it just... it looked too good! 384 00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:39,332 <i>Quagmire and I each had one bite, but that's it!</i> 385 00:16:39,333 --> 00:16:41,751 [Quagmire] <i>It's true! After that, we both felt so guilty,</i> 386 00:16:41,752 --> 00:16:44,213 <i>we threw the rest of it off the balcony and into the ocean.</i> 387 00:16:44,463 --> 00:16:48,549 Wow, this is, like, the world's best cheesecake! 388 00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:50,552 Yeah. I saw the sign. 389 00:16:50,761 --> 00:16:52,970 I'm sorry we lied to you, Peter. 390 00:16:52,971 --> 00:16:56,015 But, look, I think there's a part of me that was angry 391 00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:58,309 you seemed to care more about a dumb piece of cheesecake 392 00:16:58,310 --> 00:17:00,854 than being on a romantic vacation with your wife. 393 00:17:01,230 --> 00:17:03,731 [sighs] It's my fault, too, Lois. 394 00:17:03,732 --> 00:17:06,067 I'm sorry I've been kinda neglecting you this trip. 395 00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:07,527 Hey, I know. 396 00:17:07,528 --> 00:17:10,071 How 'bout we flush the whole afternoon down the tubes 397 00:17:10,072 --> 00:17:13,115 by wandering through a bunch a boring overpriced boutiques? 398 00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:15,369 Oh, that's all any woman wants! 399 00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,162 I love you, Peter. 400 00:17:20,374 --> 00:17:24,336 [♪ Eerie music playing] 401 00:17:25,254 --> 00:17:27,797 Okay, Desmond, the moment has arrived. 402 00:17:27,798 --> 00:17:30,801 Time to step up to the lip of the volcano. 403 00:17:38,308 --> 00:17:39,309 This is it, Rupert. 404 00:17:39,518 --> 00:17:41,018 If Lizzo ever writes back, 405 00:17:41,019 --> 00:17:42,396 I want you to have the letter! 406 00:17:42,688 --> 00:17:44,105 Put it in a frame I would like. 407 00:17:44,106 --> 00:17:46,817 Talk to Curt at Aaron Brothers. He's fantastic! 408 00:17:46,984 --> 00:17:52,906 [♪ Ominous music playing] 409 00:17:57,911 --> 00:17:58,912 [camera shutter clicks] 410 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:02,124 -Yay! We did it! -Did what? 411 00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:05,084 I... I thought Dennis said you were all going to make a sacrifice. 412 00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:06,210 That's right. 413 00:18:06,211 --> 00:18:08,838 The sacrifice is that we's postin' a pic 414 00:18:08,839 --> 00:18:11,884 with no filter and no Photoshop. 415 00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:14,303 -And... posted! -[phone chimes] 416 00:18:14,678 --> 00:18:16,012 -[phone chimes] -Ooh, 417 00:18:16,013 --> 00:18:17,097 first comment! 418 00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:20,809 "So brave to post such a terrible photo of yourselves." 419 00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:22,853 Aaa! Aaa! Delete! Delete! Delete! 420 00:18:24,730 --> 00:18:28,025 -[♪ Tribal music playing] -[waves crashing] 421 00:18:33,822 --> 00:18:35,114 Fine, Stewie, 422 00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:37,117 maybe we don't have <i>Michael Clayton.</i> 423 00:18:37,242 --> 00:18:39,411 But we got that Matt Damon fracking movie. 424 00:18:39,745 --> 00:18:41,205 Basically the same thing. 425 00:18:41,330 --> 00:18:43,050 What's that... what's it called? I wanna... 426 00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:44,625 I wanna say Frack Damon. 427 00:18:44,750 --> 00:18:46,918 And... and, oh, not enough berries on your plate? 428 00:18:46,919 --> 00:18:48,753 I... I got some berries for you, 429 00:18:48,754 --> 00:18:50,672 of the dingle variety... 430 00:18:52,841 --> 00:18:56,929 [♪ exhilarating instrumental music playing] 431 00:19:16,031 --> 00:19:17,157 Housekeeping. 432 00:19:18,492 --> 00:19:20,911 No, no, no. 433 00:19:21,912 --> 00:19:24,830 [♪ Tribal music playing] 434 00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:29,252 You know, posting that photo wasn't the only sacrifice we made today. 435 00:19:29,253 --> 00:19:30,546 -Really? -Yep. 436 00:19:30,754 --> 00:19:33,423 You won't find a single carb on this boat. 437 00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:35,759 Um... flatbread is a carb. 438 00:19:35,968 --> 00:19:37,302 Oh, my God, he's right! 439 00:19:37,427 --> 00:19:39,595 Why did we think that? Just 'cause it's flat? 440 00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:41,473 I must a had two boxes! 441 00:19:42,224 --> 00:19:44,476 [gasps] My hat that no one likes! 442 00:19:49,064 --> 00:19:50,107 [screams] 443 00:19:51,483 --> 00:19:53,359 Oh, no! 444 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:54,987 I know! 445 00:19:57,489 --> 00:20:02,786 [♪ Melancholy music playing] 446 00:20:19,803 --> 00:20:21,053 So sad. 447 00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:23,389 The lifeguard said the sharks were lured to the resort 448 00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:25,434 because someone threw cheesecake in the water. 449 00:20:25,559 --> 00:20:28,187 Oh, um, is that right? 450 00:20:29,313 --> 00:20:32,065 I don't know if I's ever gonna recover. 451 00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:33,608 I could come back with you. 452 00:20:33,609 --> 00:20:35,944 Oh, let the healing begin! 453 00:20:36,987 --> 00:20:38,362 Oh, hey. Where have you been? 454 00:20:38,363 --> 00:20:39,572 At the duty-free shop, 455 00:20:39,573 --> 00:20:41,032 buying six cartons of cigarettes, 456 00:20:41,033 --> 00:20:44,036 a jug of Dior perfume, and a tin of wafer cookies. 457 00:20:44,161 --> 00:20:45,495 Oh. Did you get a good deal? 458 00:20:45,621 --> 00:20:46,663 I have no idea. 459 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:48,915 And what about you? You're coming home with us? 460 00:20:48,916 --> 00:20:50,166 Yeah. I actually got fired 461 00:20:50,167 --> 00:20:52,877 for dragging my ass on every inch of a guest's hotel room. 462 00:20:52,878 --> 00:20:55,214 [laughs] Aw, epic! Even their pillow? 463 00:20:55,339 --> 00:20:57,007 -Yep. -Nice! 464 00:20:57,341 --> 00:21:00,176 Maybe next year we'll go to the White Lotus in Thailand. 465 00:21:00,177 --> 00:21:01,803 Eh, I hear it's not as good. 465 00:21:02,305 --> 00:22:02,488