American Pie Presents: Band Camp

1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 2 00:00:41,874 --> 00:00:44,585 (SHE IS BEAUTIFUL BY ANDREW W .K. PLAYING) 3 00:00:54,011 --> 00:00:57,472 Hey, Stifler, how come Steve got all the talent in your family? 4 00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:59,308 Bite me, Fuck Face. 5 00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:01,227 DEREK: Come on, man, you're missing it. 6 00:01:01,310 --> 00:01:04,646 I've seen it a million times, you fucking ass-booger. 7 00:01:04,730 --> 00:01:06,606 ANDY: Matt, Steve is like a film making genius. 8 00:01:06,691 --> 00:01:08,567 A true American hero. 9 00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:10,194 The Tarantino of titties. 10 00:01:10,278 --> 00:01:12,655 Yeah, there's just no way you could ever be this good. 11 00:01:12,738 --> 00:01:14,322 Hey, look, I'm going to prove to Steve 12 00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:17,576 that I'm up to the standards of the Stiffmeister Productions. 13 00:01:18,077 --> 00:01:20,287 After Steve sees my directing talent, 14 00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:23,833 little bro's joining the family business. Is that what he said? 15 00:01:23,916 --> 00:01:28,086 He finally called you back? No, but I left him another message. 16 00:01:29,755 --> 00:01:33,008 He'll get back to me. It's only been three weeks. 17 00:01:33,467 --> 00:01:37,967 Gentle-fucks, a toast. Tomorrow, we begin our reign as seniors. 18 00:01:38,973 --> 00:01:40,307 (ALL HOOTING) 19 00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:44,812 (LAID BY MATT NATHANSON PLAYING) 20 00:01:58,492 --> 00:02:00,160 (BAND PLAYING) 21 00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:38,490 (CYMBALS CRASHING) 22 00:02:41,452 --> 00:02:43,829 Okay, people, let's take a break. 23 00:02:44,205 --> 00:02:46,916 ELYSE: Remember, we play this at the end of the ceremony 24 00:02:46,999 --> 00:02:48,542 after Pomp and Circumstance. 25 00:02:48,626 --> 00:02:50,878 I don't want anyone starting the wrong song again. 26 00:02:50,961 --> 00:02:54,005 Elyse, you need to relax, girl. I'm fine. 27 00:02:54,256 --> 00:02:57,050 I just... You know, it's my first time up here, and... 28 00:02:57,134 --> 00:02:59,845 Yeah, but it's graduation. It ain't the Boston Pops. 29 00:03:00,054 --> 00:03:03,307 This performance sets the tone for our senior year. I mean... 30 00:03:03,391 --> 00:03:07,891 Look, you just remember that everybody here is pulling for you. 31 00:03:12,149 --> 00:03:14,109 MATT: Dork. Dork. Dork. 32 00:03:14,193 --> 00:03:15,652 (EXCLAIMS) Goose. 33 00:03:15,736 --> 00:03:18,655 I like them feisty. What're you doing here, Stifler? 34 00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:22,034 We just want to say sayonara, and let you fuck-necks know 35 00:03:22,118 --> 00:03:23,577 we plan on winning the state title 36 00:03:23,661 --> 00:03:25,454 now that the Stiffmeister's running the show. 37 00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:27,081 (EXCLAIMING) 38 00:03:27,206 --> 00:03:31,210 Adios, butt-hugger. He's a bigger asshole than his brother. 39 00:03:34,755 --> 00:03:36,590 Holy shit, Arianna. 40 00:03:37,508 --> 00:03:39,718 Matt, what're you doing here? 41 00:03:39,885 --> 00:03:43,638 Oh, we just want to make sure the seniors have a very memorable last day. 42 00:03:44,223 --> 00:03:47,142 That's cool. So, there's a camp out tonight 43 00:03:47,226 --> 00:03:49,895 and it's only for the grads, but you could come. 44 00:03:50,354 --> 00:03:53,482 Let me check my schedule. Hell, yeah. 45 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:58,237 Bring your sleeping bag, in case we decide to pitch a tent. 46 00:04:02,783 --> 00:04:05,076 Check it out. Perfect timing. 47 00:04:05,161 --> 00:04:06,996 DEREK: This is going to be classic. 48 00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:11,083 Time to initiate Operation Gradu-fuck-uation. 49 00:04:14,128 --> 00:04:15,712 DEREK: This is gonna be awesome. 50 00:04:15,796 --> 00:04:17,631 Shit. Oh, yeah! Jackpot! 51 00:04:18,048 --> 00:04:19,674 MATT: Payback, seniors. 52 00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:21,802 Don't get that pepper spray on your hands. 53 00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:22,970 (SPRAYING) 54 00:04:24,722 --> 00:04:27,099 MATT: A graduation gift from the Stiffmeister. 55 00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:28,434 (MOANING) 56 00:04:29,018 --> 00:04:30,644 (PEOPLE CHATTERING) 57 00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:33,272 ANDY: Dude, we should've sprayed the diplomas. 58 00:04:36,066 --> 00:04:37,609 MATT: Sorry, bandies. 59 00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:39,111 (LAUGHS) 60 00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:46,702 Bite my nuts and call me Skippy. It's a Steely Dan. 61 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:50,247 ANDY: A what? It's a double-headed dildo. 62 00:04:50,748 --> 00:04:52,708 It's a dildo. It's a dildo. 63 00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:55,211 Holy shit. It's even got a name. 64 00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:56,628 Picardo. 65 00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:58,088 Picardo? 66 00:04:58,172 --> 00:05:01,383 Spray that shit. Fuck, no. Finders keepers. 67 00:05:01,592 --> 00:05:03,719 ELYSE: Okay, everybody, Pomp and Circumstance. 68 00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:05,095 Five-minute warning. Let's go. 69 00:05:05,179 --> 00:05:07,514 ANDY: The bandies. Let's get out of here. 70 00:05:08,140 --> 00:05:09,307 (GRUNTING) 71 00:05:09,391 --> 00:05:10,475 (GROANING) 72 00:05:11,769 --> 00:05:13,687 ELYSE: Matt? Leesy. 73 00:05:15,272 --> 00:05:17,983 How they hanging? Still small and perky, I see. 74 00:05:18,317 --> 00:05:19,609 (LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY) That's funny. 75 00:05:19,693 --> 00:05:20,985 (LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY) Yeah. 76 00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:25,616 What're you doing here, Matt? I just came by to wish you good luck. 77 00:05:25,699 --> 00:05:28,243 You know, on the whole music thing. Good luck? 78 00:05:28,369 --> 00:05:30,954 You haven't said a word to me since the eighth grade. 79 00:05:31,038 --> 00:05:34,291 Yeah, and that tone of voice is exactly the reason why. 80 00:05:34,375 --> 00:05:36,710 So, I'm going to take off now. 81 00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:40,547 (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) 82 00:05:40,631 --> 00:05:44,926 Ladies and gentlemen, please rise to honor our graduates. 83 00:05:45,010 --> 00:05:46,678 Douchebag's gonna miss it. 84 00:05:47,221 --> 00:05:48,889 (BAND PLAYING) 85 00:05:57,773 --> 00:05:59,441 (PLAYING OFF-KEY) 86 00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:00,859 Oh, yes. 87 00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:05,572 Are they crying? 88 00:06:08,617 --> 00:06:10,035 Holy shit! 89 00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:12,412 (EXCLAIMING) 90 00:06:14,498 --> 00:06:15,874 (PLAYING OFF-KEY) 91 00:06:17,084 --> 00:06:18,251 Yes! 92 00:06:23,591 --> 00:06:25,134 (BOTH LAUGHING) 93 00:06:33,809 --> 00:06:35,018 (COUGHING) 94 00:06:39,481 --> 00:06:41,232 ANDY: Eat shit, seniors. 95 00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:46,405 (THUDDING) 96 00:06:48,198 --> 00:06:49,741 (ALL GASPING) 97 00:06:54,288 --> 00:06:55,289 (MOANING) 98 00:06:55,831 --> 00:06:57,040 Yeah. Oh! 99 00:06:57,124 --> 00:06:58,667 (PEOPLE LAUGHING) 100 00:07:02,796 --> 00:07:05,131 Stifler! 101 00:07:05,424 --> 00:07:07,300 (POLICE SIREN WAILING) 102 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:11,430 SHERMAN: I've been waiting for this moment for a very long time. 103 00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:15,475 And now, the day of reckoning has come. 104 00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:20,063 Hello, Matthew. 105 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:23,025 Your brother must be very proud. 106 00:07:25,903 --> 00:07:28,155 You've continued his legacy. 107 00:07:29,156 --> 00:07:30,657 Tormenting the innocent, 108 00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:34,828 defiling all that is good and pure. 109 00:07:38,290 --> 00:07:41,001 But now, you're going down. 110 00:07:41,669 --> 00:07:44,922 Ooh. What're you going to do, expel me, Shermanator? 111 00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:49,593 I am a sophisticated counseling machine 112 00:07:49,677 --> 00:07:53,472 sent back in time to guide young and innocent minds. 113 00:07:53,847 --> 00:07:58,347 My primary directive is to protect the students of this institution 114 00:07:59,687 --> 00:08:02,648 and all, indeed all mankind 115 00:08:03,399 --> 00:08:06,318 from the menace that is another Stifler. 116 00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:09,112 Behavior modification IS required. 117 00:08:09,446 --> 00:08:12,282 It's not too late to change your future. 118 00:08:13,158 --> 00:08:14,534 (SCOFFS) 119 00:08:15,035 --> 00:08:18,997 No, expulsion would be too easy. 120 00:08:20,499 --> 00:08:21,541 Hmm. 121 00:08:22,209 --> 00:08:25,462 I know the perfect punishment to fit your crime. 122 00:08:27,965 --> 00:08:30,717 Since you have so much trouble with the band, 123 00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:33,971 perhaps you should make friends with them. 124 00:08:34,138 --> 00:08:35,722 (RASPING) No fucking way. 125 00:08:37,558 --> 00:08:42,058 Either you learn to be more considerate or you will be expelled. 126 00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:44,523 No football. 127 00:08:45,482 --> 00:08:46,691 No parties. 128 00:08:46,775 --> 00:08:48,610 No spring break. 129 00:08:49,361 --> 00:08:51,946 No graduation. 130 00:08:52,281 --> 00:08:53,907 No college. 131 00:08:54,283 --> 00:08:55,701 No coeds. 132 00:08:56,577 --> 00:08:57,995 Comprende? 133 00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:04,585 Pack your bags, Stifler. 134 00:09:05,377 --> 00:09:08,088 You're going to Band Camp. Band Camp! 135 00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:11,425 (THE ANTHEM BY GOOD CHARLOTTE PLAYING) 136 00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:17,222 Bullshit, trash. 137 00:09:20,225 --> 00:09:23,394 All right, Steve! Valley Girls Gone Wild. 138 00:09:23,645 --> 00:09:24,854 (LAUGHING) 139 00:09:25,105 --> 00:09:26,189 Fuck. 140 00:09:44,583 --> 00:09:46,334 MATT: I told you Steve would get back to me. 141 00:09:46,418 --> 00:09:47,752 I mean, it was just a postcard, 142 00:09:47,836 --> 00:09:49,963 but it gave me a great idea. 143 00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:51,131 Look... 144 00:09:51,256 --> 00:09:53,383 Steve's shit-head friend, Jim, 145 00:09:53,467 --> 00:09:55,886 he married this freaking nympho band-geek, Michelle. 146 00:09:55,969 --> 00:09:58,888 And he said all they do at Band Camp is screw 24/7. 147 00:09:58,972 --> 00:10:03,184 Matt, buddy, you cannot screw band chicks. There are standards. 148 00:10:04,478 --> 00:10:07,647 I'm not talking about screwing them, scrotum-breath. 149 00:10:08,065 --> 00:10:10,400 I'm talking about videotaping them. 150 00:10:10,651 --> 00:10:14,237 People love to see dorks doing that freaky shit on hidden video. 151 00:10:14,321 --> 00:10:18,158 Bandeez Gone Wild? Steve's gonna have some competition now 152 00:10:18,325 --> 00:10:20,910 because little bro's joining the family business. 153 00:10:21,161 --> 00:10:22,328 (BEEPS) 154 00:10:26,166 --> 00:10:27,959 Yeah, Spy Chest. 155 00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:30,462 Secret Video. 156 00:10:31,839 --> 00:10:33,215 Hell, yeah. 157 00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:37,761 Color night vision? I'll take it. Shit. 158 00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:48,188 How about tomorrow? This is going be great. 159 00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:10,710 (BIRDS CHIRPING) 160 00:11:10,961 --> 00:11:12,420 (PEOPLE CHEERING) 161 00:11:25,893 --> 00:11:27,311 (PEOPLE APPLAUDING) 162 00:11:29,938 --> 00:11:32,649 NELSON: Welcome to Tall Oaks 2005. 163 00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:33,817 (STUDENTS CHEERING) 164 00:11:34,067 --> 00:11:36,778 Let's hear it from Lloyd Memorial High. 165 00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:38,196 ALL: L-L-O-Y-D! 166 00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:41,032 L-L-O-Y-D! 167 00:11:42,242 --> 00:11:44,661 Mount St. Marie. ALL: Mount St. Marie! 168 00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:46,329 Mount St. Marie! 169 00:11:46,413 --> 00:11:48,039 East Great Falls High. 170 00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:50,667 ALL: East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha! 171 00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:52,753 East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha! 172 00:11:52,836 --> 00:11:56,130 And five-time defending Tall Oaks Cup Champion... 173 00:11:56,423 --> 00:11:57,674 Beechwood Academy. 174 00:11:57,758 --> 00:12:00,010 (CROWD BOOING) We're number one! We're number one! 175 00:12:00,093 --> 00:12:01,177 We're number one! 176 00:12:01,261 --> 00:12:02,512 NELSON: Okay, settle down. 177 00:12:03,263 --> 00:12:05,598 Now, as you know, each year 178 00:12:05,682 --> 00:12:08,685 one senior Tall Oaks composer is awarded 179 00:12:08,769 --> 00:12:13,269 a full scholarship to the prestigious Robards Conservatory. 180 00:12:13,398 --> 00:12:15,525 OSCAR: Elyse, this is your year to win. 181 00:12:15,609 --> 00:12:18,862 This year, Dr. Susan Choi, president of Robards, 182 00:12:18,946 --> 00:12:21,865 will judge the compositions herself. 183 00:12:21,949 --> 00:12:26,449 And let's not forget to welcome the Tall Oaks Camp Counselors. 184 00:12:27,454 --> 00:12:28,955 (CHEERING) 185 00:12:29,122 --> 00:12:30,790 (STUDENTS CHEERING) 186 00:12:33,627 --> 00:12:37,839 If you visit our infirmary, Nurse Sanders will take care of your every need. 187 00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:39,299 (CROWD BOOING) 188 00:12:40,634 --> 00:12:45,134 Okay, so let's work hard, and may the best band win. 189 00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:47,599 (ALL CHEERING) 190 00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:54,314 You guys ready? 191 00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:07,035 (GIRLS CHATTERING) 192 00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:14,668 What the fuck? 193 00:13:15,002 --> 00:13:17,504 Are you a rookie? You look lost. 194 00:13:17,838 --> 00:13:20,924 Are you an asshole? You're hairy, and you smell like shit. 195 00:13:21,425 --> 00:13:22,426 I'll, uh... 196 00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:26,388 I'll ignore that kind of talk once. 197 00:13:27,514 --> 00:13:29,390 We don't speak that way here. 198 00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:34,271 Rookies are to wear their beanies at all times. Those are the rules. 199 00:13:34,354 --> 00:13:36,814 And who made you the mayor of Geek Town? 200 00:13:37,941 --> 00:13:42,070 I'm Brandon Vandecamp, senior drum major of Beechwood Academy 201 00:13:42,195 --> 00:13:43,905 and the president of the Tall Oaks Council. 202 00:13:44,031 --> 00:13:48,035 Oh, and who are they, Mr. President? The First Lady and Vice Pussy? 203 00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:55,542 Suits you well. 204 00:13:55,667 --> 00:14:00,167 Golly, jeepers, thanks. Hey, you know, since I'm an official band geek and all, 205 00:14:00,505 --> 00:14:02,340 can you guess what my favorite piece of music is? 206 00:14:02,674 --> 00:14:05,385 I have no idea. The Nutcracker. 207 00:14:05,635 --> 00:14:06,677 (GROANING) 208 00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:10,599 MATT: Step back, bitch. Holy mother of Mozart. 209 00:14:10,682 --> 00:14:11,724 (GRUNTING) 210 00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:14,144 This is bad. 211 00:14:14,227 --> 00:14:16,896 You didn't know Jackie Chan was in the house, did you boys, huh? 212 00:14:16,980 --> 00:14:18,982 NELSON: Stop that. Stop that now. 213 00:14:19,733 --> 00:14:21,401 MATT: Those knob-slobbers started it. 214 00:14:21,485 --> 00:14:24,112 That's not true, sir. We simply reminded him to wear his beanie. 215 00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:26,615 And then he viciously assaulted Brandon's genitals. 216 00:14:26,698 --> 00:14:31,198 That's a lie, you dick-snot. Oscar, Jimmy, escort this man to see 217 00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:33,914 the Macro. The what? 218 00:14:33,997 --> 00:14:36,457 You're dead. Now, gentlemen. 219 00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:39,544 (GROANING) RIGGLER: God, Brandon, are you okay? 220 00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:42,964 You want to tell me what the hell you're doing here, Stifler? 221 00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:45,633 It don't matter, Big O. He ain't gonna be here long. 222 00:14:45,717 --> 00:14:46,968 Bitch! OSCAR: Get over here. 223 00:14:47,052 --> 00:14:49,137 Macro gonna fuck your ass up, fool. 224 00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:51,806 What the fuck's a macro? The Macro. 225 00:14:51,890 --> 00:14:54,058 Morale And Conflict Resolution Officer. 226 00:14:54,184 --> 00:14:56,561 I heard this one time, this kid went into that office 227 00:14:56,645 --> 00:14:58,396 a baritone and came out a soprano. 228 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,816 Clarinet up the ass backwards, yo. What? 229 00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:03,401 (MAN SHOUTING) 230 00:15:09,157 --> 00:15:10,491 Pussies. 231 00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:12,786 (MAN CONTINUES SHOUTING) 232 00:15:18,583 --> 00:15:20,376 (MAN SCREAMING) 233 00:15:22,045 --> 00:15:23,212 (DOOR BANGING SHUT) 234 00:15:24,297 --> 00:15:25,673 Oh, I'm sorry. 235 00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:29,636 Frankenstein. Scary stuff. 236 00:15:29,761 --> 00:15:31,095 (LAUGHS) 237 00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:33,640 I am just a Boris Karloff nut. 238 00:15:33,932 --> 00:15:38,227 I'm the Macro, Mr. Levenstein. Holy shit, you're Jim's dad. 239 00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:41,481 He screwed that redheaded nympho chick at my lake house. 240 00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:45,610 Oh, my, you're not a Stifler? Yeah, I'm Steve's brother, Matt. 241 00:15:46,778 --> 00:15:50,114 There are two Stiflers? Yes, sir. Hey, what're you doing here? 242 00:15:50,490 --> 00:15:54,494 Oh, well, Jim is now out of the house, married to Michelle, 243 00:15:54,619 --> 00:15:57,788 that redheaded nympho chick that you spoke of. 244 00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:02,002 And, being a former Tall Oaks Counselor of the Year, 245 00:16:02,210 --> 00:16:06,710 she was hired to be the Macro this summer, but she got pregnant. 246 00:16:07,591 --> 00:16:11,052 No doubt due to the tendencies you alluded to earlier. 247 00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:14,180 And I have a great rapport with young people... 248 00:16:14,264 --> 00:16:16,224 (DOOR OPENING) ...80 I just stepped in and volunteered. 249 00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:20,395 That cretin is not in our band, and we are not responsible for his actions. 250 00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:22,981 Who pissed in your piccolo? I'm sensing some hostility here. 251 00:16:23,064 --> 00:16:24,565 He poisoned my band. What? 252 00:16:24,649 --> 00:16:27,485 I'm the Macro and it's my job to deal with... What is he doing here? 253 00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:31,114 Matt Stifler is pure evil just like his brother. ...conflict. 254 00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:32,824 Thanks, Leesy. 255 00:16:34,201 --> 00:16:35,368 (EXCLAIMING) 256 00:16:37,412 --> 00:16:38,996 She seems nice. (DOOR SLAMMING SHUT) 257 00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:41,332 There are rules, of course. 258 00:16:41,416 --> 00:16:43,209 You will have to wear a beanie. Yeah. 259 00:16:43,293 --> 00:16:46,629 Oh, I know. It's a little silly, but it's tradition here, 260 00:16:46,713 --> 00:16:50,341 something you're familiar with, being on the football team, I'm sure, 261 00:16:50,425 --> 00:16:53,970 with your elephant walks and circle jerks and drinking butt beer. 262 00:16:54,054 --> 00:16:56,389 But here, you just have to wear a silly little hat and 263 00:16:56,473 --> 00:16:59,559 a somewhat stylish Tall Oaks T-shirt. Yeah. 264 00:16:59,809 --> 00:17:01,685 So, just go with the flow, Matt, 265 00:17:01,811 --> 00:17:04,104 and you will have loads of fun 266 00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:07,651 and you'll be making new friends in no time. 267 00:17:13,573 --> 00:17:14,574 (MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO) 268 00:17:14,658 --> 00:17:17,535 Hey, Ernie Kaplowitz, tenor sax. 269 00:17:18,828 --> 00:17:21,539 Cool! I'm a rookie here, too. 270 00:17:21,706 --> 00:17:25,668 I really wanted to come last year, but Computer Camp conflicted, and... 271 00:17:25,835 --> 00:17:29,964 Oh, yeah, that was here when I arrived. I think it has your name on it. 272 00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:33,343 What is it? 273 00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:39,015 Hi, welcome to Casa de Stifler. I'll be your host, Matt. 274 00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:42,602 Every day here, I'll make it my sincere goal not to have to kick your ass. 275 00:17:42,686 --> 00:17:45,063 Allow me to show you to your new accommodations. 276 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:46,606 (EXCLAIMS) 277 00:17:46,690 --> 00:17:49,025 When I'm out here, you're in there. 278 00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:52,570 Have a great day, fucko. 279 00:17:52,946 --> 00:17:54,155 I don't... 280 00:17:57,534 --> 00:17:58,785 ERNIE: Okay... 281 00:17:58,868 --> 00:18:00,619 I'll just go ahead and put this stuff away for you. 282 00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:02,872 All right. Bandy-vision. 283 00:18:04,499 --> 00:18:08,794 (LISPING) This is a 1978 Ohio State show... 284 00:18:08,878 --> 00:18:10,462 The Wizard Of Oz. 285 00:18:10,547 --> 00:18:14,300 The one where the sousaphone player forgot to dot the I? Oh, hey. 286 00:18:16,052 --> 00:18:19,055 Yeah, right. Freaks. 287 00:18:20,807 --> 00:18:23,226 Never fear, the Stiffmeister's here. 288 00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:26,354 Band Camp just got a whole lot better, ladies. 289 00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:29,190 You're Steve Stifler's younger brother, aren't you? 290 00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:31,150 Young and hung. Great. 291 00:18:31,234 --> 00:18:33,319 Could you send him a message for me? 292 00:18:33,403 --> 00:18:34,570 No problem, senorita. 293 00:18:34,654 --> 00:18:35,655 (CHUCKLES) 294 00:18:35,739 --> 00:18:36,740 (EXCLAIMS) 295 00:18:37,574 --> 00:18:38,866 (GIGGLING) 296 00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:45,623 Well, it looks like Steve gave someone the old Stifler bang-and-boot. 297 00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:46,749 (CHUCKLES) 298 00:18:47,250 --> 00:18:50,711 Is there a problem here? No, everything's fine. 299 00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:55,800 Have fun at Band Camp. Thank you, I will. 300 00:18:59,846 --> 00:19:02,640 Later. Word. 301 00:19:03,099 --> 00:19:05,559 You need to start showing some respect around here, Stifler. 302 00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:08,438 You need to show yourself back to your table, Big Dog. 303 00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:10,607 Out of my way, yo. 304 00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:16,571 Hola, chicas. Elyse, so good to see you again. 305 00:19:16,738 --> 00:19:19,824 So, what's going on tonight? We gonna party, get a little crazy? 306 00:19:19,949 --> 00:19:22,493 Who wants to rack up a few frequent fucker miles? 307 00:19:22,619 --> 00:19:25,663 You know, you are the most... Most sexy man ever to come to Band Camp. 308 00:19:25,789 --> 00:19:29,793 What? Chloe, he is so obnoxious. Sexy obnoxious. 309 00:19:29,918 --> 00:19:32,962 Thank you. I'm tired of messing around with these 310 00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:34,964 dorky-ass nice guys 311 00:19:35,131 --> 00:19:37,216 and "sensitive-artist" types. 312 00:19:37,801 --> 00:19:42,301 Let's party with a real hombre tonight. Hell, yeah. That's me. 313 00:19:42,889 --> 00:19:46,976 100% hombre. CHLOE: All right, my room, 8:00. 314 00:19:47,977 --> 00:19:51,897 Great first day, campers. This is your Macro speaking 315 00:19:51,981 --> 00:19:55,150 and, hey, morale couldn't have been higher today. 316 00:19:55,235 --> 00:19:58,738 So hop in the sack, and get a good night's sleep because 317 00:19:58,863 --> 00:20:02,283 <i>starting tomorrow, we have many, many exciting activities planned,</i> 318 00:20:02,409 --> 00:20:05,870 not the least of which is the race for the Tall Oaks Cup. 319 00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:08,206 So let the games begin. 320 00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:12,210 MATT: Bandeez Gone Wild. Scene One. Party hombre. 321 00:20:12,293 --> 00:20:13,544 (BEEPS) 322 00:20:15,338 --> 00:20:17,465 (GET THE PARTY STARTED PLAYING) 323 00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:21,886 It's called Strip Trivia. We made it up. It's a Band Camp tradition. 324 00:20:22,220 --> 00:20:26,515 "Fourth and Long," "Sextuplets," "Banging Babes," and "Who Blew Me?" 325 00:20:26,599 --> 00:20:29,768 This looks like my kind of game. Shall we play? 326 00:20:30,770 --> 00:20:33,773 You sit in the middle. Your game, my seating chart. 327 00:20:33,982 --> 00:20:35,483 Sit a little closer, ladies. 328 00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:37,610 MATT: Don't be scared. It's all right. 329 00:20:38,069 --> 00:20:39,236 Okay... 330 00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:42,407 The rules are simple. You choose a category and a question 331 00:20:42,532 --> 00:20:44,951 and every time you miss, you strip. 332 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:46,244 Hell, yeah. 333 00:20:46,327 --> 00:20:48,829 I'll go first. "Who Blew Me?" 334 00:20:49,289 --> 00:20:50,665 ELYSE: Good. 335 00:20:53,209 --> 00:20:57,630 I am a silver Stradivarius trumpet played by a Pulitzer Prize winner. 336 00:20:58,715 --> 00:21:00,049 Who blew me? 337 00:21:00,216 --> 00:21:01,759 Yeah, like I'd know. 338 00:21:02,093 --> 00:21:04,470 Sorry. Lose the shoes, and pick again. 339 00:21:04,554 --> 00:21:06,264 You didn't tell me this shit was about music. 340 00:21:06,347 --> 00:21:10,059 Well, it is Band Camp, moron. Hey, to be fair, 341 00:21:10,477 --> 00:21:13,521 maybe we should just give him a head start. 342 00:21:17,066 --> 00:21:18,776 All right. Yeah. 343 00:21:19,194 --> 00:21:22,030 MATT: (STUTTERING) Okay, all right. All right. 344 00:21:23,323 --> 00:21:26,242 What's wrong with you? Scared to show off the mosquito bites? 345 00:21:26,326 --> 00:21:29,078 I've matured since the fourth grade, Matt. Have you? 346 00:21:29,162 --> 00:21:32,206 Oh, I've got 10 pounds of dangling maturity right here, Leesy. 347 00:21:32,290 --> 00:21:35,293 Quit calling me that. Okay, okay, moving on. 348 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:37,962 Matt, just pick another question, please. 349 00:21:38,046 --> 00:21:40,298 All right, screw it. Whatever. 350 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,050 There you go. Suck on that. 351 00:21:43,218 --> 00:21:44,469 (EXCLAIMS) 352 00:21:44,761 --> 00:21:46,137 Fourth and Long. 353 00:21:46,471 --> 00:21:47,638 Sure, no problem. 354 00:21:50,642 --> 00:21:55,142 Of Beethoven's major symphonies, which has the longest fourth movement? 355 00:21:56,481 --> 00:21:58,191 All right, I see where this is going. 356 00:21:58,399 --> 00:22:01,110 Fine, you win. 357 00:22:01,653 --> 00:22:03,279 (GRUNTING) 358 00:22:05,281 --> 00:22:06,490 I free ball, ladies. 359 00:22:07,492 --> 00:22:09,535 (EXCLAIMING) Got to let the big boys breathe. 360 00:22:09,619 --> 00:22:11,787 (GIRLS GIGGLING) All right, we play by my rules now. 361 00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:14,999 Football questions only. Prepare to strip, ladies. 362 00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:18,920 Wait. But first, does anybody want a beer? 363 00:22:19,003 --> 00:22:20,129 I do. 364 00:22:20,213 --> 00:22:24,634 The counselors have a secret stash in the fridge across the hall. 365 00:22:24,717 --> 00:22:25,843 Would you mind? 366 00:22:25,927 --> 00:22:28,930 Now we're talking about a fucking party. 367 00:22:29,138 --> 00:22:30,806 Stiffy'll be back in a jiffy. 368 00:22:30,932 --> 00:22:32,433 Uh, uh, uh, uh. 369 00:22:32,809 --> 00:22:35,353 I mean, there's nobody around 370 00:22:35,687 --> 00:22:37,355 and we haven't seen your best side yet. 371 00:22:37,438 --> 00:22:39,106 (GIRLS LAUGHING) 372 00:22:44,779 --> 00:22:46,864 Yes! We got him. 373 00:22:49,367 --> 00:22:50,910 So busted. 374 00:22:58,501 --> 00:23:00,961 Man, big boys, wake up. 375 00:23:01,087 --> 00:23:03,339 Just gotta turn down the AC in there, huh? 376 00:23:03,590 --> 00:23:04,757 Good night, girls. 377 00:23:10,054 --> 00:23:11,138 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 378 00:23:11,973 --> 00:23:14,600 Sorry, asshole, game's over. 379 00:23:14,684 --> 00:23:19,184 Yeah, the big boys will love the long walk home. 380 00:23:20,523 --> 00:23:22,024 SANDERS: Room check, girls. (GASPING) 381 00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:24,485 Oh, shit. 382 00:23:24,861 --> 00:23:27,113 Ditch his clothes. Out the window. 383 00:23:28,197 --> 00:23:30,657 All right, who wants a long neck? 384 00:23:37,373 --> 00:23:38,624 ELYSE: Nurse Sanders. 385 00:23:42,670 --> 00:23:43,921 They set me up. He attacked us 386 00:23:44,005 --> 00:23:45,923 with pepper spray and ruined our graduation. 387 00:23:46,007 --> 00:23:47,258 I went there for a friendly game... 388 00:23:47,342 --> 00:23:48,926 Hold it. Hold it. Kids. 389 00:23:49,010 --> 00:23:50,302 Okay... 390 00:23:50,553 --> 00:23:52,304 Where are your clothes? 391 00:23:55,350 --> 00:23:56,684 I have them. 392 00:23:57,268 --> 00:23:59,436 May I ask why? Well, they got me naked... 393 00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:02,439 Oh, whatever. He took his own pants off... And they stole my clothes. 394 00:24:02,523 --> 00:24:04,983 And I got stuck up there with Mrs. Doubtfire checking out my... 395 00:24:05,068 --> 00:24:07,195 (BULLHORN BLARING) 396 00:24:11,824 --> 00:24:13,534 Let me see if I have this straight. 397 00:24:13,701 --> 00:24:18,201 Elyse, you think Matt is an arrogant jock who wears his penis on his forehead 398 00:24:18,665 --> 00:24:21,793 just to gain the approval of his sociopathic brother. 399 00:24:22,126 --> 00:24:25,796 And, Matt, you think Elyse is an uptight, geeky prude 400 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:28,632 who needs to loosen up and get laid. 401 00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:32,011 Excuse the expression, dear. Is that close to being on the money? 402 00:24:34,097 --> 00:24:35,264 Look, kids... 403 00:24:36,432 --> 00:24:38,976 The only way to solve your differences 404 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:41,228 is by working together. 405 00:24:42,313 --> 00:24:44,189 So why don't you start tomorrow 406 00:24:44,607 --> 00:24:47,693 by putting one foot in front of the other? 407 00:24:49,612 --> 00:24:51,322 (BAND PLAYING) 408 00:24:51,489 --> 00:24:53,282 ELYSE: Left flank hut. 409 00:24:55,493 --> 00:24:56,994 Turn and hut. 410 00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:03,626 (CYMBALS CRASHING) 411 00:25:03,710 --> 00:25:04,794 (BOY GRUNTING) 412 00:25:04,877 --> 00:25:05,961 What the fuck! 413 00:25:06,045 --> 00:25:07,254 (WHISTLES) 414 00:25:07,839 --> 00:25:09,382 Band 10 hut! 415 00:25:09,632 --> 00:25:10,841 MATT: Holy shit. 416 00:25:11,217 --> 00:25:14,762 When I yell "band 10 hut," you snap firmly at attention. 417 00:25:15,013 --> 00:25:16,639 You want to see me firmly at attention? 418 00:25:16,723 --> 00:25:18,474 I already have. I wasn't impressed. 419 00:25:18,558 --> 00:25:19,934 (EXCLAIMING) 420 00:25:20,685 --> 00:25:21,686 (LAUGHING) 421 00:25:21,769 --> 00:25:22,853 Look... 422 00:25:23,688 --> 00:25:25,690 We've never beaten Beechwood, okay? 423 00:25:26,566 --> 00:25:28,526 For some of us, it's our last shot. 424 00:25:31,404 --> 00:25:32,988 Just stop screwing up, okay? 425 00:25:33,531 --> 00:25:34,657 GIRL: Yeah, asshole. 426 00:25:36,951 --> 00:25:39,244 Okay, people, back to work, let's go. Whatever. 427 00:25:39,328 --> 00:25:40,370 I don't need this shit. 428 00:25:40,455 --> 00:25:43,082 Reset the block. Front ranks, right here. 429 00:25:57,472 --> 00:25:59,182 (MIMICKING WOMAN) Housekeeping. 430 00:26:19,410 --> 00:26:20,661 (BEEPING) 431 00:26:26,167 --> 00:26:28,586 Oscar, brought me something to drink? 432 00:26:28,753 --> 00:26:30,463 Come on. Good looking out, baby. 433 00:26:30,588 --> 00:26:32,047 (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) 434 00:26:34,509 --> 00:26:36,260 Hey, it's Ernie Crapowitz. 435 00:26:36,344 --> 00:26:39,472 So you finally came out of the closet. Good for you. 436 00:26:39,555 --> 00:26:40,556 (LAUGHING) 437 00:26:40,681 --> 00:26:43,225 Look, I want to know what goes on at night, all right? 438 00:26:43,309 --> 00:26:45,936 All the crazy shit. Naked pillow fights, whatever. 439 00:26:46,020 --> 00:26:49,523 Do I look like the guy that's in charge of the naked pillow fights, huh? 440 00:26:49,690 --> 00:26:51,149 It's my first time here. 441 00:26:51,234 --> 00:26:52,443 Notice the beanie? 442 00:26:52,693 --> 00:26:53,777 BRANDON: Yes. 443 00:26:54,612 --> 00:26:56,196 Yes, I do. 444 00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:59,616 Yes, speaking of beanies, where's yours, Stifler? 445 00:26:59,867 --> 00:27:01,827 You still not following the rules, huh? 446 00:27:01,911 --> 00:27:03,913 Let's see. Look. He's getting in trouble again. 447 00:27:03,996 --> 00:27:07,416 No standard-issue Tall Oaks T-shirt and no beanie. 448 00:27:07,500 --> 00:27:10,836 I believe that's two points from Great Falls, Mr. Nelson. 449 00:27:11,129 --> 00:27:13,005 Tell you what, Vande-cramp, 450 00:27:13,297 --> 00:27:16,091 what if I took his beanie 451 00:27:16,175 --> 00:27:18,927 and put it on my weenie? 452 00:27:19,011 --> 00:27:23,140 How do you like that Vande-cramp? It's on my head, right? Huh? 453 00:27:23,307 --> 00:27:25,517 Make it five points from Great Falls. 454 00:27:25,685 --> 00:27:26,977 Five points. 455 00:27:27,061 --> 00:27:30,230 Man, this place sucks donkey ass. 456 00:27:32,233 --> 00:27:33,525 (SNIFFS) Ugh... 457 00:27:35,319 --> 00:27:37,070 Put your beanie on, son. 458 00:27:42,910 --> 00:27:44,745 Five points. 459 00:27:51,169 --> 00:27:52,545 (OWL HOOTING) 460 00:28:08,311 --> 00:28:10,604 OSCAR: Stay still. Stop moving. 461 00:28:10,688 --> 00:28:12,439 He ain't going nowhere now. 462 00:28:12,523 --> 00:28:15,859 This isn't your world. This is our world, and we don't want you in it. 463 00:28:15,943 --> 00:28:18,195 You already cost us five points in the standings. 464 00:28:18,279 --> 00:28:20,030 We can't have that. 465 00:28:20,323 --> 00:28:22,033 Set the man up with his beanie. 466 00:28:23,993 --> 00:28:25,536 (MATT MUMBLING) 467 00:28:29,790 --> 00:28:31,500 Now you're representing, fool. 468 00:28:31,584 --> 00:28:33,043 And this toothpaste 469 00:28:33,169 --> 00:28:35,880 this will make up for the pepper spray, asshole. 470 00:28:36,756 --> 00:28:37,757 (MOANING) 471 00:28:49,602 --> 00:28:51,020 Oh, shit. 472 00:28:52,230 --> 00:28:54,649 I'll get the paint thinner from maintenance. 473 00:28:55,858 --> 00:28:57,234 SANDERS: Animals. 474 00:28:57,443 --> 00:28:58,444 (DOOR CLOSING) 475 00:29:07,745 --> 00:29:11,915 Matt, you were sent here 476 00:29:12,291 --> 00:29:13,750 to make a change. 477 00:29:13,918 --> 00:29:17,671 And, so far, you've only had your sinuses sanitized. So... 478 00:29:18,089 --> 00:29:20,466 I think it's time to try a new approach. 479 00:29:21,092 --> 00:29:22,885 Make some friends. 480 00:29:24,470 --> 00:29:26,305 Earn their trust. 481 00:29:28,599 --> 00:29:30,851 Why would I want to earn their trust? 482 00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:33,061 (BLOWING) 483 00:29:34,313 --> 00:29:36,106 (SNORTING) Good. 484 00:29:39,277 --> 00:29:41,153 MATT: That's what I'm talking about. 485 00:29:42,863 --> 00:29:44,823 Welcome to Stifler-vision. 486 00:29:44,907 --> 00:29:47,409 GIRL 1: I think there's a cymbal class at 1:00. 487 00:29:47,535 --> 00:29:48,744 (ROBOT WHIRRING) GIRL 2: I hate that. 488 00:29:48,828 --> 00:29:51,038 Yeah, but it's better than the bass drum relay. 489 00:29:51,122 --> 00:29:52,373 Yeah, that's true. 490 00:29:58,838 --> 00:30:00,714 MATT: Counselors going wild. 491 00:30:03,050 --> 00:30:05,218 Yours look totally fantastic. 492 00:30:05,303 --> 00:30:08,389 Two for the price of one. My left one's bigger, see? 493 00:30:08,472 --> 00:30:12,058 Yeah, mine, too, baby. They can totally fix that. 494 00:30:12,810 --> 00:30:14,269 That shampoo smells awesome. 495 00:30:14,353 --> 00:30:17,689 Thanks. I get it from this Russian lady who does my bikini wax. 496 00:30:17,815 --> 00:30:19,066 Brazilian or Playboy? 497 00:30:19,150 --> 00:30:21,402 Actually, I get mine customized. 498 00:30:21,485 --> 00:30:23,737 Wanna see? MATT: Oh, yeah, show me. 499 00:30:24,780 --> 00:30:27,657 Oh, my God, how cute. There's a little music note. 500 00:30:27,742 --> 00:30:29,410 No! Yeah, I used to be flat. 501 00:30:29,493 --> 00:30:32,412 Just like I used to be. Lens fog. No! 502 00:30:32,496 --> 00:30:33,872 (WHIRRING) 503 00:30:43,674 --> 00:30:45,425 What is that thing, butt weasel? 504 00:30:45,509 --> 00:30:47,552 ERNIE: Yeah, it's the KR3, baby. 505 00:30:47,636 --> 00:30:51,264 The Kaplowitz Remote Robotic Rover. And you are so busted. 506 00:30:51,349 --> 00:30:54,935 Hey, Oscar, somebody call the Macro. Dude, please, shut up. 507 00:30:55,019 --> 00:30:58,814 Pull your panties out of your ass. I can help you with that chick. 508 00:31:02,693 --> 00:31:03,735 What chick? 509 00:31:03,861 --> 00:31:06,321 Dude, the one with all the tattoos. The Tubanator. 510 00:31:06,405 --> 00:31:07,864 Her name is Chloe. 511 00:31:08,532 --> 00:31:11,868 Come on, man. I can help. I'm the Stiffmeister. 512 00:31:11,952 --> 00:31:14,746 Master of love and romance. Bullshit. 513 00:31:14,914 --> 00:31:19,376 I nailed three cheerleaders in one week on spring break. College cheerleaders. 514 00:31:21,462 --> 00:31:23,547 (INAUDIBLE) 515 00:31:24,632 --> 00:31:26,216 (ROBOT BEEPING) 516 00:31:29,929 --> 00:31:32,431 And I know why your camera spritzed out. 517 00:31:33,682 --> 00:31:34,933 (WHIRRING) 518 00:31:35,142 --> 00:31:37,102 Dude, this thing is awesome. 519 00:31:37,686 --> 00:31:40,772 You ever use this to look up chicks' skirts? No. 520 00:31:40,856 --> 00:31:43,233 But I did use it to win the State Science Fair last year. 521 00:31:43,317 --> 00:31:45,610 And I'm hoping it gets me into MIT next fall. 522 00:31:45,694 --> 00:31:47,737 I really want to work for NASA. 523 00:31:47,947 --> 00:31:50,449 National Anal Sex Association? 524 00:31:50,658 --> 00:31:52,409 No, it's Space... 525 00:31:53,202 --> 00:31:55,329 There's an Anal Sex Association? 526 00:31:55,413 --> 00:31:57,915 Oh, yeah, but you've got to be a pro. 527 00:31:57,998 --> 00:31:58,999 (CHUCKLES) 528 00:31:59,458 --> 00:32:01,626 Wait, there's a Space Association? 529 00:32:03,254 --> 00:32:05,214 You were supposed to use this. 530 00:32:06,257 --> 00:32:10,511 See, it's got an anti-fog lens. Duh. Yeah, good. 531 00:32:11,554 --> 00:32:16,054 Can the robot record? All right, so, what are your intentions? 532 00:32:17,893 --> 00:32:20,395 With the video, I mean. What are you doing? 533 00:32:20,521 --> 00:32:22,064 Oh, it's just for fun. 534 00:32:22,356 --> 00:32:25,776 I mean, who doesn't like to look at hot naked chicks, right? 535 00:32:27,236 --> 00:32:29,279 Keep it between us, and I'll let you watch. 536 00:32:29,905 --> 00:32:32,949 Plus, I'll have you giving Chloe the pelvic noogie inside a week. 537 00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:34,201 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 538 00:32:34,285 --> 00:32:36,787 BOY: Hey, Stifler. Phone. 539 00:32:37,204 --> 00:32:39,247 ANDY: We're in Detroit! 540 00:32:39,623 --> 00:32:42,334 Locked into sweet Brazilian rum. 541 00:32:42,418 --> 00:32:45,170 I'm fucking fubar, man! 542 00:32:45,254 --> 00:32:49,591 I sent you rum today. Could come in handy in Dorksville. 543 00:32:49,717 --> 00:32:51,385 Man, this place blows. 544 00:32:52,595 --> 00:32:54,179 Hey, my roommate, Dr. Robot, 545 00:32:54,263 --> 00:32:56,515 busted me taping some college chicks in the shower. 546 00:32:56,599 --> 00:32:58,726 So now I have to be all nice to him and shit. 547 00:32:58,809 --> 00:33:02,270 And I'm not getting any good footage 'cause these fucking bandies hate me. 548 00:33:02,521 --> 00:33:03,730 (MUSIC PLAYING) 549 00:33:03,981 --> 00:33:06,191 Think of it like trying to hook up with a virgin. 550 00:33:06,275 --> 00:33:09,861 Act like you give a shit about them until they bring you into the good stuff. 551 00:33:09,945 --> 00:33:11,821 Earn their trust? 552 00:33:12,448 --> 00:33:14,408 Dude, that could work. 553 00:33:14,533 --> 00:33:16,868 I'll be an undercover bandy fucker. 554 00:33:17,995 --> 00:33:21,498 Hello, everyone. Isn't it a peachy day here at Band Camp? 555 00:33:21,707 --> 00:33:25,585 Band buds. How's it going? Yo. 556 00:33:26,337 --> 00:33:30,299 Hey, I just want to say thanks for the little wake up call. You kidders. 557 00:33:31,425 --> 00:33:34,594 Hey, I can finally hear the music calling me, okay? 558 00:33:35,262 --> 00:33:38,556 (BAND PLAYING) There. Hear it? Yeah. Me, too. 559 00:33:38,849 --> 00:33:40,559 So I'm a totally new man, and... 560 00:33:40,643 --> 00:33:43,479 By the way, you both look great in pantyhose. 561 00:33:44,730 --> 00:33:46,022 (MATT LAUGHING) 562 00:33:53,906 --> 00:33:57,200 What are you doing? Awaiting my marching lesson, ma'am. 563 00:33:57,284 --> 00:33:59,744 Look, Matt, I really don't have time for this right now. 564 00:33:59,828 --> 00:34:03,414 No, look, I figure I'm here, I might as well make the best of it. 565 00:34:03,499 --> 00:34:06,919 Matt, marching's hard, okay? It's not like throwing some football. 566 00:34:07,002 --> 00:34:08,712 Oh, you ever thrown into double coverage? 567 00:34:08,796 --> 00:34:10,506 You ever high-stepped in double time? 568 00:34:10,589 --> 00:34:13,842 Yes, ma'am, the time the cops chased us across Koreno's Creek. 569 00:34:14,927 --> 00:34:17,804 And you got so scared, you cried. 570 00:34:18,514 --> 00:34:22,684 I had allergies. It was winter, Mattie. 571 00:34:23,644 --> 00:34:27,105 Well, if you don't teach me to march, I might just cry again. 572 00:34:30,526 --> 00:34:31,693 Fine. 573 00:34:31,986 --> 00:34:36,031 Left foot on one and three, right foot on two and four. 574 00:34:36,115 --> 00:34:37,658 You have to do math? 575 00:34:38,534 --> 00:34:40,202 (PLAYING) 576 00:34:46,208 --> 00:34:50,128 One, two, three, middle. One, two, three, line. 577 00:34:50,212 --> 00:34:52,464 Right foot on four. 578 00:34:54,717 --> 00:34:57,219 Keep your step size even. My what? 579 00:34:58,804 --> 00:35:02,265 All right, there we go, little buddy. I'm gonna fix you up good. 580 00:35:02,725 --> 00:35:03,726 (ROBOT WHIRRS) 581 00:35:03,892 --> 00:35:07,020 Any girl that knows how to play a tuba, she can do things. 582 00:35:07,104 --> 00:35:08,688 That's what Stifler says. 583 00:35:08,772 --> 00:35:11,399 I don't know what it means, but it's got to be good. 584 00:35:11,483 --> 00:35:12,734 You're good to go. 585 00:35:12,818 --> 00:35:14,402 Let's go find Chloe. 586 00:35:14,903 --> 00:35:17,572 (DEFEATED BY THE CITY DRIVE PLAYING) 587 00:35:27,166 --> 00:35:28,417 Holy shit. 588 00:35:29,627 --> 00:35:32,921 What the hell? Who's doing this? 589 00:35:35,549 --> 00:35:36,633 Take it. 590 00:35:36,759 --> 00:35:37,801 It's okay. 591 00:35:47,227 --> 00:35:50,855 Thanks, little creepy machine. You're welcome... 592 00:35:51,273 --> 00:35:52,983 Beautiful lady. 593 00:36:08,415 --> 00:36:12,710 With my right, with my right, but I can also do it with my left, with my left. 594 00:36:16,215 --> 00:36:17,299 ALL: Bootie. 595 00:36:17,466 --> 00:36:18,467 (GIRLS APPLAUDING) 596 00:36:18,550 --> 00:36:19,676 Good game. 597 00:36:20,302 --> 00:36:22,387 Good game. Good game. Good game. Good game. Good game. 598 00:36:22,471 --> 00:36:23,638 (WHOOPS) 599 00:36:26,058 --> 00:36:27,893 You just touched my bootie. 600 00:36:34,942 --> 00:36:37,361 What's that? Your instrument. 601 00:36:37,820 --> 00:36:39,613 That's fucking gay. 602 00:36:40,531 --> 00:36:42,658 I mean lame. Good. 603 00:36:43,367 --> 00:36:46,203 Now, there are two positions. 604 00:36:46,870 --> 00:36:51,040 Carrying position, like this, and playing position, like this. 605 00:36:51,208 --> 00:36:52,876 Now when I call, "horns up," 606 00:36:53,001 --> 00:36:55,086 you're gonna move your instrument out, and then... 607 00:36:55,170 --> 00:36:56,838 (MATT GROANING) Hello, losers. 608 00:36:57,005 --> 00:37:00,800 Matt. Oh, my God. Matt, I am so sorry. 609 00:37:00,884 --> 00:37:03,177 I think I bit a hole in my tongue. Oh, let me see. 610 00:37:03,262 --> 00:37:05,764 No, no hole. On today's episode, 611 00:37:06,056 --> 00:37:08,391 wasting time on lost causes. 612 00:37:08,475 --> 00:37:09,476 (MUMBLING) 613 00:37:09,935 --> 00:37:11,519 Speaking of which, I understand 614 00:37:11,603 --> 00:37:14,063 you composed the music to your show, Elyse, 615 00:37:14,148 --> 00:37:15,774 if you call that music. 616 00:37:15,899 --> 00:37:18,318 Yeah. That's right. I did. 617 00:37:18,402 --> 00:37:20,612 And who'd your daddy hire to compose yours? 618 00:37:20,738 --> 00:37:25,238 I'm just giving you fair warning, cupcake. Robards Scholarship is mine. 619 00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:27,578 Like you need it. 620 00:37:27,911 --> 00:37:30,914 It's not a matter of need. It's a matter of want. 621 00:37:31,165 --> 00:37:32,666 Yeah, I get what I want. 622 00:37:32,916 --> 00:37:34,584 (LISPING) Why don't you shut the fuck up? 623 00:37:34,668 --> 00:37:35,794 Matt, don't. 624 00:37:35,878 --> 00:37:36,879 (EXCLAIMING) 625 00:37:36,962 --> 00:37:39,714 What are you going to do? Kick your ass. 626 00:37:39,923 --> 00:37:41,716 Are you challenging me? No. 627 00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:45,178 Yeah, what if I am? No, Brandon, that is not what he's doing. 628 00:37:45,262 --> 00:37:48,098 I accept. Amphitheatre, 5:00. 629 00:37:48,474 --> 00:37:51,351 It's been three years since I've been challenged. 630 00:37:51,602 --> 00:37:53,478 We got a challenge. 631 00:37:53,604 --> 00:37:54,771 (ALL CHEERING) 632 00:37:56,190 --> 00:37:58,609 I look forward to reminding people why. 633 00:37:59,443 --> 00:38:00,944 <i>East Great Falls. Hoo, ha!</i> 634 00:38:01,195 --> 00:38:03,405 I'll see you there, asshole. 635 00:38:05,282 --> 00:38:06,491 Do you know what you just did? 636 00:38:06,575 --> 00:38:08,910 Doesn't matter. Fucker's going down. 637 00:38:08,994 --> 00:38:11,663 Matt, you challenged him to a duel. 638 00:38:11,955 --> 00:38:13,164 With swords? 639 00:38:13,791 --> 00:38:17,628 No, you idiot. You each get on stage and perform. 640 00:38:17,711 --> 00:38:19,754 And the crowd decides who wins. 641 00:38:20,255 --> 00:38:22,173 Can't we just do keg stands? 642 00:38:22,758 --> 00:38:27,179 Matt, this is serious, okay? Beechwood gets five points if he wins, 643 00:38:27,262 --> 00:38:30,556 which, you know, he will because he plays an instrument. 644 00:38:30,766 --> 00:38:32,559 Well, so do I. 645 00:38:33,101 --> 00:38:35,895 NELSON: Let the Tall Oaks Battle Royale begin. 646 00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:39,357 The prize is five points towards the cup. 647 00:38:40,275 --> 00:38:42,235 Okay, Brandon, you're up first. 648 00:38:42,319 --> 00:38:44,195 (LLOYDS CHEERING) 649 00:38:48,784 --> 00:38:50,452 (DRUMS PLAYING) 650 00:38:55,958 --> 00:38:57,459 (ALL CHEERING) 651 00:39:03,298 --> 00:39:04,799 (ALL CHEERING) 652 00:39:16,144 --> 00:39:17,854 (STUDENTS LAUGHING) 653 00:39:26,321 --> 00:39:27,572 GIRL: Come on! 654 00:39:29,908 --> 00:39:32,493 Suck on that, bitch. 655 00:39:33,495 --> 00:39:34,829 GIRL: Lame. 656 00:39:35,539 --> 00:39:37,123 This is so embarrassing. 657 00:39:37,207 --> 00:39:38,458 NELSON: Okay, Brandon. 658 00:39:38,542 --> 00:39:40,168 GIRL: Now you show him, Brandon. 659 00:39:40,377 --> 00:39:41,836 (LLOYDS CHEERING) 660 00:39:46,508 --> 00:39:47,842 (YAWNING) 661 00:39:52,139 --> 00:39:53,682 (LLOYDS CHEERING) 662 00:39:58,353 --> 00:39:59,562 Take that! 663 00:40:07,529 --> 00:40:09,197 (NELSON CHUCKLING) 664 00:40:10,949 --> 00:40:13,493 Well, seems this contest is over. 665 00:40:13,577 --> 00:40:14,619 (LLOYDS CHEERING) 666 00:40:14,703 --> 00:40:17,080 Figures. We just lost five points. 667 00:40:19,416 --> 00:40:22,419 And the winner by forfeit is... 668 00:40:22,878 --> 00:40:24,337 (BAGPIPE PLAYING) 669 00:40:24,922 --> 00:40:26,882 But I know it's not his fault... 670 00:40:30,761 --> 00:40:32,220 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 671 00:40:44,650 --> 00:40:48,695 STUDENTS: (SINGING) Play that funky music white boy 672 00:40:49,738 --> 00:40:51,489 You don't know the words. 673 00:40:52,074 --> 00:40:54,993 Play that funk music white boy 674 00:40:55,744 --> 00:40:57,370 Lay down that boogie 675 00:40:57,454 --> 00:40:59,956 And play that funky music till you die 676 00:41:02,709 --> 00:41:04,544 (STUDENTS CHEERING) 677 00:41:10,550 --> 00:41:12,301 (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING) 678 00:41:13,428 --> 00:41:15,012 He should shave that. 679 00:41:17,849 --> 00:41:19,934 STUDENTS: East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha! 680 00:41:20,102 --> 00:41:22,145 East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha! 681 00:41:22,229 --> 00:41:24,606 East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha! 682 00:41:24,815 --> 00:41:26,483 East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha! 683 00:41:26,566 --> 00:41:27,984 (STUDENTS CHEERING) 684 00:41:29,611 --> 00:41:31,696 Okay, five points to Great Falls. 685 00:41:31,780 --> 00:41:33,406 (ALL CHEERING) 686 00:41:34,074 --> 00:41:36,076 All right, Great Falls! 687 00:41:38,453 --> 00:41:40,580 East Great Falls! 688 00:41:40,664 --> 00:41:42,999 STUDENTS: East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha! 689 00:41:43,125 --> 00:41:44,960 East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha! 690 00:41:45,043 --> 00:41:47,170 East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha! 691 00:41:47,254 --> 00:41:49,631 East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha! 692 00:41:50,966 --> 00:41:52,384 Hey. Hey. Hey. 693 00:41:52,634 --> 00:41:54,719 Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. What? 694 00:41:54,803 --> 00:41:57,263 Are you really Scottish? Fuck, no. 695 00:41:58,098 --> 00:41:59,557 My mom made me learn an instrument. 696 00:41:59,641 --> 00:42:01,726 That's the most annoying one I could think of. 697 00:42:01,810 --> 00:42:05,647 I think you were just born to squeeze sacks and blow pipes, Stifler. 698 00:42:05,856 --> 00:42:07,190 SHEREE: Hey, Oscar. 699 00:42:11,945 --> 00:42:14,614 How many other Oscars do you know? Go! 700 00:42:16,992 --> 00:42:19,369 What's up? Your drum line sounds pretty tight. 701 00:42:19,494 --> 00:42:20,536 Oh, thanks. 702 00:42:20,662 --> 00:42:22,580 You let me know if you want to learn some new moves. 703 00:42:22,664 --> 00:42:23,665 Really? 704 00:42:23,749 --> 00:42:25,625 He's gonna screw it up. He's definitely gonna screw it up. 705 00:42:25,709 --> 00:42:26,710 Hey. 706 00:42:28,336 --> 00:42:30,171 Thanks for winning those points back. 707 00:42:30,255 --> 00:42:32,674 I lost them. I had to get them back. 708 00:42:33,425 --> 00:42:36,344 Hey, guys, Sheree's gonna show me some moves. 709 00:42:37,012 --> 00:42:38,138 LEVENSTEIN: Hey, gang, 710 00:42:38,221 --> 00:42:41,098 just a little reminder that as the battle for the cup 711 00:42:41,183 --> 00:42:42,642 heats up, let's try to remember 712 00:42:42,726 --> 00:42:47,105 to keep up that Tall Oaks spirit of fair play and friendly competition. 713 00:42:48,190 --> 00:42:50,525 RIGGLER: We'll have enough spit for a six-pack. 714 00:42:53,779 --> 00:42:56,740 Yeah, baby, you did me proud, son. Thanks, J.Lo. 715 00:42:56,865 --> 00:42:58,283 It's cool. Big O? 716 00:42:58,700 --> 00:43:01,703 Quite a little show you put on yesterday, Stifler. 717 00:43:01,870 --> 00:43:04,539 You know, these plebes think you're some kind of hero. 718 00:43:04,706 --> 00:43:06,958 I don't know what a plebe is, Vande-creep. 719 00:43:07,042 --> 00:43:10,253 Didn't anybody tell you not to mess with the big dog while he's eating? 720 00:43:10,337 --> 00:43:13,089 RIGGLER: It's mine, jerk-wad. Now will you give it back? 721 00:43:14,549 --> 00:43:17,802 Dildos. This is still my camp, asshole. 722 00:43:18,053 --> 00:43:20,597 You're going down. No, I'm not. 723 00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:21,806 But your mom did last night. 724 00:43:21,890 --> 00:43:24,475 Did she play the trumpet? Because she has really strong lips. 725 00:43:24,559 --> 00:43:25,560 (JIMMY LAUGHING) 726 00:43:25,644 --> 00:43:26,895 JIMMY: That's right. 727 00:43:34,528 --> 00:43:36,404 BRANDON: Mmm! 728 00:43:37,447 --> 00:43:39,031 Mmm, mmm, mmm! 729 00:43:40,784 --> 00:43:42,285 (RETCHING) 730 00:43:42,452 --> 00:43:43,619 Yummy. 731 00:43:44,329 --> 00:43:45,788 (RETCHING) 732 00:43:46,957 --> 00:43:49,334 That's what I'm talking about. Whoo! 733 00:43:50,544 --> 00:43:51,920 What happened this time, Claire? 734 00:43:52,003 --> 00:43:53,504 Well, I was working on my solo 735 00:43:53,588 --> 00:43:55,047 and I hurt myself. 736 00:43:55,924 --> 00:43:57,759 I've been fucking poisoned. 737 00:43:58,718 --> 00:44:01,554 SANDERS: Ipecac is a natural herbal extract 738 00:44:01,638 --> 00:44:04,724 that triggers the regurgitation reflex. 739 00:44:09,187 --> 00:44:11,856 Whatever's in there should be out soon enough. 740 00:44:12,190 --> 00:44:13,900 Like him, if we're lucky. 741 00:44:15,694 --> 00:44:19,489 Well, I'm pretty sure it's probably just something 742 00:44:19,865 --> 00:44:24,244 you had for lunch, you know? I've got the same problem. Very sensitive stomach. 743 00:44:24,870 --> 00:44:28,164 I was at a banquet once. On the same plate, if you can believe it, 744 00:44:28,248 --> 00:44:30,750 they had creamed venison, 745 00:44:30,834 --> 00:44:33,294 squid fritters and jellied pork. 746 00:44:36,548 --> 00:44:38,049 (MATT VOMITING) 747 00:44:39,217 --> 00:44:40,384 What? 748 00:44:45,515 --> 00:44:47,558 (BABY GOT BACK PLAYING) 749 00:44:55,317 --> 00:44:56,568 (DOOR OPENING) 750 00:44:59,571 --> 00:45:00,613 (CHUCKLING) 751 00:45:00,697 --> 00:45:02,115 Hey, what's up, crust bucket? 752 00:45:02,199 --> 00:45:03,491 Come here, dude. Check this out. 753 00:45:03,575 --> 00:45:05,702 So, this afternoon, while the counselors 754 00:45:05,785 --> 00:45:07,411 were practicing for the talent show, 755 00:45:07,495 --> 00:45:10,372 I faked an asthma attack, and I changed both of the cameras. 756 00:45:11,583 --> 00:45:14,210 Oh, shit! What the hell are they doing? 757 00:45:14,294 --> 00:45:16,963 It's their talent show routine, au naturel. 758 00:45:17,380 --> 00:45:20,091 Dude, you filthy little cyberfucker. Shit. 759 00:45:20,926 --> 00:45:22,594 Hey, I thought we were just going to watch. 760 00:45:22,677 --> 00:45:25,388 Exactly, we may want to watch it again. 761 00:45:26,973 --> 00:45:31,473 MATT: Oh, yes. Counselors gone wild. Dancing white ta-tas. 762 00:45:31,937 --> 00:45:36,437 Hey, so, I took your advice about Chloe. I used the Rover to deliver a soda. 763 00:45:37,108 --> 00:45:39,026 That was your cool, crazy idea? 764 00:45:39,110 --> 00:45:40,820 Yeah, I think she actually liked it. 765 00:45:40,904 --> 00:45:43,948 Yeah, that sounds gay. It's not gay. 766 00:45:45,617 --> 00:45:48,494 Anyway, there's this bonfire-slushee party tonight 767 00:45:48,578 --> 00:45:51,289 and I really need to know Step Two in the Stiffmeister plan. 768 00:45:51,915 --> 00:45:55,501 Slushee party. Really. 769 00:45:55,835 --> 00:45:57,419 Special delivery. 770 00:45:57,545 --> 00:45:59,630 Prepare to jam with the bearded clam. 771 00:45:59,965 --> 00:46:02,008 Get ready to cuddle the love puddle. 772 00:46:02,300 --> 00:46:05,636 The time has come for Dr. Robot to get laid. 773 00:46:05,804 --> 00:46:06,930 Get laid? 774 00:46:07,097 --> 00:46:09,766 I told you, trust the Stiffmeister. 775 00:46:09,975 --> 00:46:12,769 Meister means "master" in German. 776 00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:17,857 Get her drunk? That's the secret of the ages? That's Step Number Two? 777 00:46:18,108 --> 00:46:19,776 No, actually, it's Step Four. 778 00:46:19,859 --> 00:46:22,528 You don't have the balls for Two or the tongue for Three. 779 00:46:23,196 --> 00:46:24,697 I've got the balls. 780 00:46:25,282 --> 00:46:27,826 Hey, you haven't heard Step Five yet. 781 00:46:28,326 --> 00:46:29,744 (PLAYING) 782 00:46:31,621 --> 00:46:34,999 (SINGING) Born to be wild 783 00:46:38,962 --> 00:46:42,632 Well, I'm hot-blooded check it and see 784 00:46:43,008 --> 00:46:46,761 I've got a fever of 103 785 00:46:46,845 --> 00:46:49,681 Come on, baby do you do more than dance? 786 00:46:51,474 --> 00:46:54,226 This is some good shit. Don't enjoy it too much. 787 00:46:54,352 --> 00:46:57,813 We have a big practice tomorrow, you guys. Relax, Leesy. 788 00:46:58,189 --> 00:47:01,400 Suckle the tender fruits of Band Camp with your friends. 789 00:47:01,526 --> 00:47:05,404 Come on, Elyse. Cut loose a little bit. Have some fun. 790 00:47:05,488 --> 00:47:06,822 I am having fun. 791 00:47:06,906 --> 00:47:09,909 Hey, horn dog, let's go get some more of these before they run out. 792 00:47:09,993 --> 00:47:12,412 All right. Horn dog? 793 00:47:12,495 --> 00:47:16,995 Yeah, it's his nickname. Dude will stick his dick into anything. It's unnatural. 794 00:47:18,043 --> 00:47:21,921 Check it, dawg. This one time at Band Camp, I fucked an oboe. 795 00:47:22,964 --> 00:47:25,341 MATT: Really? Blow in it for a while, 796 00:47:25,425 --> 00:47:29,925 get that wood nice and warm, slap on some valve oil and go to town, yo. 797 00:47:30,263 --> 00:47:32,431 Hey, maybe you should try a flute. 798 00:47:32,515 --> 00:47:33,516 (LAUGHING) 799 00:47:35,643 --> 00:47:36,935 Hey. 800 00:47:37,062 --> 00:47:39,564 Now's a good time to teach you those moves. 801 00:47:39,647 --> 00:47:40,689 Really? 802 00:47:46,363 --> 00:47:47,530 What? 803 00:47:54,621 --> 00:47:55,872 (CHUCKLING) 804 00:48:01,961 --> 00:48:03,420 I know what you're doing. 805 00:48:03,505 --> 00:48:04,547 You do? 806 00:48:05,006 --> 00:48:07,591 It's what you always do. You're a fake. 807 00:48:07,884 --> 00:48:11,012 You do whatever it takes to be the center of attention. 808 00:48:11,096 --> 00:48:14,933 Just like when we were Kids, around me, you were regular old Matt, 809 00:48:15,141 --> 00:48:18,561 but around Steve and his friends, you were the Stiffmeister. 810 00:48:19,646 --> 00:48:21,189 Who're you going to be tonight? 811 00:48:21,439 --> 00:48:23,065 (IMITATING MATT) Hey, cheese dick, 812 00:48:23,149 --> 00:48:26,986 why don't you quit being such a fucking taint ticker, and get me another slushee. 813 00:48:27,654 --> 00:48:29,489 Fucking puss monkey. 814 00:48:29,697 --> 00:48:30,989 (CHUCKLING) 815 00:48:37,497 --> 00:48:40,082 You know what? I am going to have some fun. 816 00:48:48,091 --> 00:48:51,177 Fucking hoes, man. I don't get that shit. 817 00:48:51,302 --> 00:48:55,180 I mean, right now, Oscar's off in the woods tapping that counselor biatch, Sheree. 818 00:48:55,306 --> 00:48:58,100 What's up with that? That cock spring is getting laid? 819 00:48:58,184 --> 00:49:01,187 True that. And here we are, the two dopest homeboys in camp 820 00:49:01,271 --> 00:49:05,608 and we ain't got no prospects for our palm pilots. That's fucked up, dawg. 821 00:49:06,025 --> 00:49:08,027 Dude, I gotta see this. 822 00:49:09,612 --> 00:49:11,196 (OSCAR LAUGHING) 823 00:49:11,281 --> 00:49:12,448 SHEREE: Use your hips more. 824 00:49:12,532 --> 00:49:13,616 OSCAR: Hips, like that? 825 00:49:13,700 --> 00:49:17,578 Yeah, now faster. Yeah. Like that. A circle. Like that. 826 00:49:17,704 --> 00:49:21,833 (IMITATING STEVE IRWIN) Crikey! The alpha female has chosen an unlikely mate. 827 00:49:21,916 --> 00:49:24,543 Will he survive this dangerous encounter 828 00:49:24,794 --> 00:49:29,215 or will she satisfy her primal needs and then devour him for dinner? 829 00:49:29,549 --> 00:49:31,133 Stay tuned. 830 00:49:31,468 --> 00:49:35,054 OSCAR: I'm sorry. I'm really no good at this stuff. 831 00:49:35,138 --> 00:49:37,181 Relax. You're doing fine. 832 00:49:37,390 --> 00:49:39,016 (CAMERA WINDING) 833 00:49:40,768 --> 00:49:42,269 This sucks. 834 00:49:42,604 --> 00:49:45,106 How's that feel? Oscar. 835 00:49:45,190 --> 00:49:47,901 Is that your drumstick poking me? 836 00:49:49,068 --> 00:49:51,028 I don't have my drumsticks. 837 00:49:51,112 --> 00:49:53,906 Are you standing up for me again, Oscar? 838 00:49:54,449 --> 00:49:56,200 It's getting hot. 839 00:49:56,451 --> 00:49:59,370 Smack my ass and call me cowboy. 840 00:49:59,537 --> 00:50:02,331 Hello, Double-D Sheree. 841 00:50:02,874 --> 00:50:04,584 Hips. Hips. 842 00:50:04,876 --> 00:50:06,502 Use your hips. Oh, yeah, hips. 843 00:50:06,586 --> 00:50:08,421 And step, and... 844 00:50:10,924 --> 00:50:13,051 MATT: (CHUCKLING) Who knew? 845 00:50:13,801 --> 00:50:15,219 Wow. 846 00:50:16,763 --> 00:50:17,889 Oh, shit! 847 00:50:17,972 --> 00:50:19,807 SHEREE: You're a sweet guy, Oscar. 848 00:50:19,891 --> 00:50:22,393 MATT: Bandeez Gone Wild. Scene 69. 849 00:50:22,477 --> 00:50:24,812 Double-D Sheree and Big O. 850 00:50:27,440 --> 00:50:29,984 (RAPPING) Yo, we at Tall Oaks sipping on juice 851 00:50:30,068 --> 00:50:32,278 Got horns, trumpets rhythm and flutes 852 00:50:32,362 --> 00:50:34,655 Great Falls laying it down 853 00:50:34,739 --> 00:50:37,366 Gonna ride fucking Beechwood out of the town 854 00:50:37,450 --> 00:50:39,785 J.C., what rocking the bunch 855 00:50:39,869 --> 00:50:42,913 All tripped out on the fucking fruit punch 856 00:50:43,039 --> 00:50:44,498 (ALL CHEERING) 857 00:50:47,752 --> 00:50:50,004 Hey, are you sure about this? I mean... 858 00:50:50,088 --> 00:50:53,591 | just want to be respectful. Oh, that's sweet. 859 00:50:54,050 --> 00:50:57,928 But right now, I just want you to respect me real hard and bad. 860 00:50:59,597 --> 00:51:01,473 MATT: Lucky son of a bitch. 861 00:51:01,641 --> 00:51:04,268 The only person who's gonna get laid around here. 862 00:51:05,478 --> 00:51:07,104 (OBOE PLAYING) 863 00:51:13,444 --> 00:51:15,487 Hello, oboe. 864 00:51:32,171 --> 00:51:33,964 CHLOE: This is so cool. 865 00:51:35,675 --> 00:51:40,012 ERNIE: I hope I didn't scare you with the Rover and the soda. 866 00:51:40,138 --> 00:51:41,973 No, man, it was cute. 867 00:51:43,016 --> 00:51:46,602 Nobody's ever been that sweet to me in my whole life. 868 00:51:47,186 --> 00:51:48,562 Plus, to be honest, 869 00:51:49,355 --> 00:51:52,483 metal really turns me on. 870 00:51:52,984 --> 00:51:53,985 Oh. 871 00:52:13,796 --> 00:52:15,339 (MATT MOANING) 872 00:52:19,344 --> 00:52:21,512 Man, the shit's stuck. 873 00:52:33,191 --> 00:52:34,984 (OBOE PLAYING) 874 00:52:40,323 --> 00:52:41,699 (BLOWING) 875 00:52:44,786 --> 00:52:45,787 (GRUNTING) 876 00:52:45,870 --> 00:52:48,372 Turn off the lights. Damn, gangsta. 877 00:52:48,498 --> 00:52:49,499 I was just fucking with you, dawg! 878 00:52:49,582 --> 00:52:51,125 You... It's stuck. 879 00:52:51,209 --> 00:52:53,669 Shit, you want help? Don't touch me. 880 00:52:55,171 --> 00:52:56,213 Come on. 881 00:52:56,839 --> 00:52:58,257 JIMMY: Maybe you should blow on it. 882 00:52:58,341 --> 00:53:00,217 MATT: Maybe you should blow on it and I'll pull. 883 00:53:00,301 --> 00:53:02,553 JIMMY: Hell, no. Jimmy ain't putting his lips on that thing. 884 00:53:02,637 --> 00:53:04,096 MATT: Jimmy should be a team player. 885 00:53:04,180 --> 00:53:06,432 JIMMY: Try and relax, dawg. MATT: Not so hard. 886 00:53:06,516 --> 00:53:08,059 Oh, my God! 887 00:53:14,524 --> 00:53:16,567 JIMMY: I was just trying to help him get it off, yo. 888 00:53:16,651 --> 00:53:18,569 Dude, shut up. 889 00:53:18,653 --> 00:53:19,779 Whatever. 890 00:53:19,862 --> 00:53:21,905 He had an allergic reaction to the valve oil. 891 00:53:21,989 --> 00:53:24,658 The swelling should go down in a few minutes. 892 00:53:24,909 --> 00:53:29,038 These kinds of things would never happen with our old Macro. 893 00:53:50,059 --> 00:53:52,895 We didn't have MTV when I was growing up. 894 00:53:54,230 --> 00:53:56,815 So maybe it's the over-stimulated times 895 00:53:56,899 --> 00:54:01,028 that we live in that causes young men to stick their 896 00:54:01,738 --> 00:54:04,699 instruments in such odd places. 897 00:54:06,576 --> 00:54:08,160 I knew a certain young man once 898 00:54:08,244 --> 00:54:11,580 who actually engaged in sexual congress with an apple pie. 899 00:54:11,748 --> 00:54:13,583 And he turned out just fine. 900 00:54:14,125 --> 00:54:17,086 So, you're perfectly normal... 901 00:54:18,212 --> 00:54:19,755 As these things go. 902 00:54:27,555 --> 00:54:28,681 (SIGHING) 903 00:54:34,145 --> 00:54:35,146 Hey. 904 00:54:38,107 --> 00:54:41,235 Are you okay? Oh, yeah. 905 00:54:41,319 --> 00:54:45,819 I'm so drunk right now. I'm probably going to forget about you 906 00:54:47,283 --> 00:54:49,410 porking an oboe. 907 00:54:50,077 --> 00:54:51,078 (LAUGHING) 908 00:54:52,955 --> 00:54:53,956 (SHOUTING) 909 00:54:55,833 --> 00:54:57,835 (VAMPIRE LOVE BY ASH PLAYING) 910 00:54:58,461 --> 00:55:00,254 I have six piercings. 911 00:55:01,672 --> 00:55:04,299 That doesn't include the ones on my face. 912 00:55:17,814 --> 00:55:19,232 Two right here... 913 00:55:21,609 --> 00:55:24,653 And four down here. 914 00:55:27,198 --> 00:55:28,616 (CHLOE GIGGLING) 915 00:55:32,036 --> 00:55:33,704 (SINGING) 916 00:55:34,163 --> 00:55:35,164 (LAUGHING) 917 00:55:36,249 --> 00:55:38,209 Haven't seen that in a while. 918 00:55:38,709 --> 00:55:43,209 Yeah, well, no time for dance. It's all about band, band, band. 919 00:55:43,840 --> 00:55:45,842 No, I was talking about you having fun. 920 00:55:45,925 --> 00:55:49,261 I have fun. I have fun all the time. Yeah. 921 00:55:49,345 --> 00:55:51,555 I just get stressed out, you know. I mean... 922 00:55:51,639 --> 00:55:52,640 (LAUGHING) 923 00:55:52,849 --> 00:55:55,059 We graduate next year, and I don't know. 924 00:55:55,142 --> 00:55:57,185 I mean, I don't really talk about it all that much 925 00:55:57,270 --> 00:56:00,231 because the cup is, like, a team thing, and... 926 00:56:00,314 --> 00:56:03,525 But winning the Robards Scholarship, I mean, that is like 927 00:56:03,609 --> 00:56:05,277 my future, you know? And 928 00:56:06,153 --> 00:56:08,989 Dr. Choi is coming. I mean, 929 00:56:09,198 --> 00:56:12,659 you don't understand. She's like famous, 930 00:56:13,202 --> 00:56:16,205 like holy-shit famous. And, sometimes, I just... 931 00:56:17,206 --> 00:56:18,916 I get really stressed out 932 00:56:19,000 --> 00:56:22,837 and I calm myself down by going off and playing on my Picardo. 933 00:56:23,379 --> 00:56:26,090 Wait, you have... Picardo? 934 00:56:26,424 --> 00:56:29,009 It's just a cheapie, but I lost it. 935 00:56:29,302 --> 00:56:32,471 Wait, if I somehow found this Picard thing... You found it? 936 00:56:32,722 --> 00:56:34,640 Maybe. Give it back. 937 00:56:34,974 --> 00:56:36,475 If you let me watch. 938 00:56:37,476 --> 00:56:40,479 Okay, but it takes me a while to warm up. 939 00:56:40,563 --> 00:56:43,023 I have all the time in the world. 940 00:56:43,107 --> 00:56:44,108 (SCOFFS) 941 00:56:45,651 --> 00:56:46,693 Figures. 942 00:56:48,571 --> 00:56:51,156 But I'm going to have to be really drunk. 943 00:56:51,782 --> 00:56:55,118 I mean really drunk. Really drunk. 944 00:56:55,202 --> 00:56:56,244 (ELYSE LAUGHING) 945 00:56:56,329 --> 00:56:57,330 Yes. 946 00:56:57,914 --> 00:56:59,415 GIRL: Beat it, jerk off. 947 00:56:59,832 --> 00:57:00,833 (CLEARS THROAT) 948 00:57:02,835 --> 00:57:04,002 (BAND PLAYING) 949 00:57:18,601 --> 00:57:20,936 ELYSE: Okay, people, let's take a break. 950 00:57:24,357 --> 00:57:26,484 We're all a little sluggish today. 951 00:57:28,277 --> 00:57:29,903 Man, we suck. 952 00:57:29,987 --> 00:57:33,532 Man, one night of fun was not worth losing a whole day of practice. 953 00:57:37,578 --> 00:57:39,079 Give me this thing. 954 00:57:39,538 --> 00:57:42,123 All right, listen up, you lazy bunch of lip shits. 955 00:57:42,208 --> 00:57:44,168 Those Beechwood plebes aren't taking breaks. 956 00:57:44,251 --> 00:57:47,170 We want to win this thing, we've gotta bust our asses. 957 00:57:47,505 --> 00:57:49,632 Come on, bitches. Back to work. 958 00:57:49,715 --> 00:57:52,509 Matt, that's my job. Grab your cocks and move your Socks. 959 00:57:52,593 --> 00:57:54,720 We're at war here, people, war! 960 00:57:54,804 --> 00:57:56,305 Show some tits. Grow some balls. 961 00:57:56,389 --> 00:57:58,182 Hey, keep that thing warm for me. 962 00:57:58,265 --> 00:58:00,850 All right, now. What, you want to let Beechwood tittie-fuck us? 963 00:58:00,935 --> 00:58:01,977 I didn't think so. 964 00:58:02,061 --> 00:58:03,854 LEVENSTEIN: All right, Tall Oakers, 965 00:58:03,938 --> 00:58:06,982 we're in our final week. Time to put on our game faces. 966 00:58:07,066 --> 00:58:10,235 And time to strap yourselves in for a bumpy ride. 967 00:58:10,361 --> 00:58:12,279 I want the oboe, clarinet, black thingies 968 00:58:12,405 --> 00:58:15,157 and we've got the rhythm section in a full-on blitz. 969 00:58:15,241 --> 00:58:17,326 Are you with me, bandies? ALL: Yeah! 970 00:58:17,410 --> 00:58:19,578 NELSON: Competition for the Tall Oaks Cup is 971 00:58:19,662 --> 00:58:20,746 really heating up. 972 00:58:20,955 --> 00:58:22,331 (THE MIDDLE PLAYING) 973 00:58:22,415 --> 00:58:23,874 (PEOPLE CHEERING) 974 00:58:23,958 --> 00:58:25,459 NELSON: Beechwood wins. 975 00:58:26,127 --> 00:58:27,461 (STUDENTS CHEERING) 976 00:58:27,712 --> 00:58:28,713 MATT: Whatever. 977 00:58:28,796 --> 00:58:30,130 I told you, you should let me steer. 978 00:58:30,256 --> 00:58:31,924 MATT: Take that bitch home, man. 979 00:58:32,258 --> 00:58:35,010 Drive it in. Hey, you, fuck face... 980 00:58:35,094 --> 00:58:36,970 I don't even know where to start with you. 981 00:58:43,477 --> 00:58:44,811 NELSON: Beechwood leads. 982 00:58:44,895 --> 00:58:47,147 Great Falls and Lloyd are tied for second. 983 00:58:47,231 --> 00:58:49,274 MATT: Beechwood licks nuts. Hut! 984 00:58:57,825 --> 00:59:00,244 NELSON: Victory, East Great Falls. 985 00:59:03,539 --> 00:59:05,666 Right foot on line. 986 00:59:07,293 --> 00:59:09,503 Jimmy, you fucking lotion lover. 987 00:59:16,635 --> 00:59:19,262 NELSON: East Great Falls by four points. 988 00:59:28,731 --> 00:59:30,566 ERNIE: Hey, butt pirates ahoy. 989 00:59:31,317 --> 00:59:32,568 BRANDON: Your little band 990 00:59:32,651 --> 00:59:34,611 may be leading in the competition, Stifler... 991 00:59:34,945 --> 00:59:35,946 (GROANS) 992 00:59:36,405 --> 00:59:39,032 ...but make sure to let us know if you get thirsty. 993 00:59:39,116 --> 00:59:41,076 Yeah, 'cause there's plenty of this. 994 00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:42,161 (GRUNTS) 995 00:59:42,661 --> 00:59:43,953 (SPITTING) 996 00:59:45,081 --> 00:59:46,499 (MATT LAUGHING) 997 00:59:46,707 --> 00:59:50,669 MATT: That's funny for you dorks. Yeah, it is, isn't it? Yeah. 998 00:59:50,878 --> 00:59:53,505 Man, screw that challenge. I'm just gonna kick his ass. 999 00:59:53,589 --> 00:59:55,757 No, wait. I've got a better idea, 1000 00:59:56,675 --> 00:59:58,718 if you think you're man enough. 1001 01:00:10,773 --> 01:00:11,815 Yes. 1002 01:00:11,899 --> 01:00:15,068 Hey, you sure you can do this? Hey, born to be a porn star, baby. 1003 01:00:15,152 --> 01:00:16,570 Delivery on demand. 1004 01:00:16,654 --> 01:00:17,655 (CHUCKLING) 1005 01:00:17,738 --> 01:00:20,782 When I get back, I'll be a million Stiflers lighter. 1006 01:00:20,866 --> 01:00:22,492 (CHUCKLING) 1007 01:00:28,332 --> 01:00:30,292 MAN: Hey, ocupado. 1008 01:00:30,376 --> 01:00:31,668 Sorry. 1009 01:00:36,340 --> 01:00:37,591 Oh. 1010 01:00:44,557 --> 01:00:45,808 (SIGHING) 1011 01:00:50,813 --> 01:00:51,897 (MAN FARTING) 1012 01:00:52,398 --> 01:00:54,983 Dude, how about a courtesy flush, man? 1013 01:00:55,067 --> 01:00:56,943 I'm trying to concentrate in here. 1014 01:00:58,445 --> 01:00:59,446 (SIGHS) 1015 01:01:02,449 --> 01:01:03,908 Sheree. 1016 01:01:06,662 --> 01:01:09,289 (I TOUCH MYSELF BY THE DIVINYLS PLAYING) 1017 01:01:10,916 --> 01:01:13,335 Mattie. 1018 01:01:13,419 --> 01:01:15,254 Double-D Sheree. 1019 01:01:17,298 --> 01:01:19,675 MATT: Sheree. Yeah. 1020 01:01:22,219 --> 01:01:23,762 Arianna. 1021 01:01:25,556 --> 01:01:27,307 Oh, Arianna. 1022 01:01:29,727 --> 01:01:31,270 (MATT MOANING) 1023 01:01:34,440 --> 01:01:35,858 Band, 10-hut! 1024 01:01:36,108 --> 01:01:37,359 Leesy. 1025 01:01:40,905 --> 01:01:42,740 Yeah, Leesy. 1026 01:01:43,699 --> 01:01:44,991 Oh, yeah. 1027 01:01:46,535 --> 01:01:48,286 (MATT MOANING) 1028 01:01:56,170 --> 01:01:57,504 MATT: Nurse Sanders. 1029 01:01:57,588 --> 01:01:59,715 Go ahead, give me that shot, baby. 1030 01:01:59,798 --> 01:02:01,299 Naughty Nurse. 1031 01:02:01,383 --> 01:02:04,219 More. Oh, yeah. 1032 01:02:06,889 --> 01:02:08,390 (MATT EXCLAIMING) 1033 01:02:08,641 --> 01:02:10,768 It's coming. Oh, yeah. 1034 01:02:12,811 --> 01:02:14,979 Oh, yeah, it's coming. 1035 01:02:16,815 --> 01:02:18,608 Claire? No! 1036 01:02:20,319 --> 01:02:23,196 Claire. Oh, Claire, baby. 1037 01:02:23,405 --> 01:02:25,323 MATT: (CONTINUES MOANING) Claire... 1038 01:02:25,449 --> 01:02:26,575 Claire... 1039 01:02:27,618 --> 01:02:28,994 (GROANING) 1040 01:02:29,078 --> 01:02:30,496 Claire. 1041 01:02:33,499 --> 01:02:34,500 (GASPS) 1042 01:02:37,544 --> 01:02:38,836 (SIGHS) 1043 01:02:43,509 --> 01:02:44,760 (FLUSHING) 1044 01:02:44,843 --> 01:02:47,345 Courtesy flush. MAN: Oh, no! 1045 01:02:48,514 --> 01:02:50,891 CLAIRE: Brandon, I think you're a really good drummer, so... 1046 01:02:50,975 --> 01:02:52,059 Excuse me. 1047 01:02:58,691 --> 01:03:00,693 Listen, this is your chance to help. 1048 01:03:04,196 --> 01:03:05,530 Hey, guys, 1049 01:03:05,656 --> 01:03:09,368 don't forget your sunscreen. Your bodies are your instruments. 1050 01:03:09,493 --> 01:03:11,536 Yeah, you don't want to be chapped for your solos. 1051 01:03:11,662 --> 01:03:13,997 No, we don't. Bye now. 1052 01:03:19,086 --> 01:03:21,338 What is that, 307 It's really thick. 1053 01:03:27,761 --> 01:03:29,053 (RETCHING) 1054 01:03:31,724 --> 01:03:33,642 How's that taste, Vande-cock? 1055 01:03:34,226 --> 01:03:36,353 Mmm! Good, huh? Warm and salty? Yeah. 1056 01:03:36,437 --> 01:03:40,232 It's a cum-pletely new formula. 100% Stiffy juice... 1057 01:03:40,357 --> 01:03:42,442 SPF 69. 1058 01:03:42,526 --> 01:03:43,777 (RETCHING) 1059 01:03:44,320 --> 01:03:45,321 (VOMITING) 1060 01:03:45,404 --> 01:03:46,863 (LAUGHING) 1061 01:03:49,199 --> 01:03:50,450 Suck on that. 1062 01:03:51,577 --> 01:03:53,036 Yeah. Stop, man. 1063 01:03:53,120 --> 01:03:54,830 Yeah. Ernie. 1064 01:03:54,955 --> 01:03:56,373 Yeah. Ernie. 1065 01:03:56,790 --> 01:03:58,374 (CHLOE PLAYING) 1066 01:04:05,883 --> 01:04:08,510 What you had before was way better than this. 1067 01:04:08,719 --> 01:04:12,556 This sounds like your over active honor-society brain. 1068 01:04:13,182 --> 01:04:16,643 Instead of your nasty, wet 1069 01:04:17,728 --> 01:04:19,229 dirty-girl panties. 1070 01:04:20,105 --> 01:04:22,107 It should be more spontaneous. 1071 01:04:22,399 --> 01:04:23,900 (PLAYING) 1072 01:04:23,984 --> 01:04:24,985 (CHLOE LAUGHING) 1073 01:04:25,069 --> 01:04:26,403 Stop. 1074 01:04:26,528 --> 01:04:29,322 Maybe you should hang out with your friend Matt a little bit more. 1075 01:04:29,406 --> 01:04:30,448 Yeah, right. 1076 01:04:30,532 --> 01:04:34,077 I know he's a dick and everything, but he's also got one. 1077 01:04:34,244 --> 01:04:38,539 Make some love music, you know? And then your notes will just cum to you. 1078 01:04:39,124 --> 01:04:41,376 Oh, Matt! Stop. 1079 01:04:41,460 --> 01:04:42,502 (MOANS) 1080 01:04:42,586 --> 01:04:44,087 OSCAR: Matt. Matt. 1081 01:04:44,838 --> 01:04:46,381 (ALL SHOUTING) 1082 01:04:47,257 --> 01:04:49,759 Go long, you asshole. Go. 1083 01:04:50,552 --> 01:04:52,428 Hey, Elyse. 1084 01:04:53,639 --> 01:04:55,599 MATT: Throw it back. Come on. 1085 01:04:56,433 --> 01:04:57,892 What you got? 1086 01:05:01,188 --> 01:05:02,397 Oh! Oops! 1087 01:05:03,148 --> 01:05:04,774 (PEOPLE LAUGHING) 1088 01:05:05,609 --> 01:05:06,985 Missed. Sorry. 1089 01:05:08,612 --> 01:05:10,322 MATT: Hey, if I have to ring the triangle, 1090 01:05:10,406 --> 01:05:12,324 you have to throw the football, all right? Okay. 1091 01:05:12,408 --> 01:05:14,284 Draw your arm back. There you go. 1092 01:05:14,368 --> 01:05:18,121 Shoulder to your target. Right. Okay, now step forward. 1093 01:05:18,205 --> 01:05:20,624 Come on we're not marching. One foot. 1094 01:05:20,707 --> 01:05:23,626 Argh. Okay. You're fine. Ready? There you go. 1095 01:05:23,836 --> 01:05:25,379 Draw the ball over your ear 1096 01:05:25,462 --> 01:05:28,798 and when you throw it, let it roll right off your fingers, all right? 1097 01:05:29,675 --> 01:05:30,801 Okay. 1098 01:05:31,135 --> 01:05:32,636 Come on, throw it. 1099 01:05:38,517 --> 01:05:40,310 See? I taught you something. What? 1100 01:05:40,394 --> 01:05:42,896 So every time I throw it, you're gonna run and go get it? 1101 01:05:42,980 --> 01:05:44,731 That's generally how it works. 1102 01:05:44,815 --> 01:05:46,650 Like playing fetch with my dog. 1103 01:05:46,733 --> 01:05:50,528 Yeah, except I don't lick my own balls. You would if you could. 1104 01:05:50,863 --> 01:05:51,905 Oh, yeah. 1105 01:05:53,532 --> 01:05:54,699 Okay, again. 1106 01:05:55,659 --> 01:05:56,868 MATT: Right here. 1107 01:05:58,078 --> 01:06:00,705 ELYSE: Look, that one looks like a bunny. 1108 01:06:01,039 --> 01:06:03,041 MATT: No, it doesn't. Uh-huh. 1109 01:06:04,376 --> 01:06:06,461 Maybe a bunny with one nut. 1110 01:06:06,670 --> 01:06:09,422 No, that's its tail. Whatever you say. 1111 01:06:10,299 --> 01:06:11,300 (SIGHING) 1112 01:06:12,801 --> 01:06:15,887 You think we'll win this thing? Hell, yeah, we will. 1113 01:06:16,013 --> 01:06:17,848 If you write in a bagpipe part. 1114 01:06:17,931 --> 01:06:20,224 Oh, God, I'll never make that mistake again. 1115 01:06:20,392 --> 01:06:23,436 What? The eighth grade recital. 1116 01:06:24,480 --> 01:06:26,940 You made me write in a part for you. 1117 01:06:29,234 --> 01:06:31,194 You wore your Kilt. 1118 01:06:32,571 --> 01:06:35,073 Yeah, Steve showed up with his friends. 1119 01:06:35,699 --> 01:06:37,909 They gave me so much shit for that. 1120 01:06:38,243 --> 01:06:40,620 I didn't come out of my room for days. 1121 01:06:40,913 --> 01:06:44,124 You made it up to him by stealing all my underwear 1122 01:06:44,208 --> 01:06:46,585 so you could run them up the flagpole. 1123 01:06:47,544 --> 01:06:49,379 Including my training bras. 1124 01:06:52,466 --> 01:06:55,093 Okay, since we're having some big fucking Oprah moment here... 1125 01:06:55,177 --> 01:06:57,220 I'm sorry about your underwear. 1126 01:06:57,346 --> 01:06:58,972 And the diary. 1127 01:07:01,725 --> 01:07:03,727 And all that other shit, too. 1128 01:07:44,059 --> 01:07:45,143 That's it. 1129 01:07:45,727 --> 01:07:48,563 You started it. This is gonna get me that scholarship. 1130 01:07:48,647 --> 01:07:49,689 What? 1131 01:07:49,773 --> 01:07:52,442 Oh, I've got to go write this down before I forget. 1132 01:07:52,693 --> 01:07:53,944 (ELYSE HUMMING) 1133 01:07:54,111 --> 01:07:55,695 Hey, hey, hey! 1134 01:07:56,154 --> 01:07:57,155 Uh... 1135 01:07:57,406 --> 01:07:59,408 Could we do this again tomorrow night? 1136 01:07:59,491 --> 01:08:02,452 Yeah, sure. I'll see you here at sunset. 1137 01:08:02,578 --> 01:08:04,037 Hey. Um... 1138 01:08:05,247 --> 01:08:07,707 Should I bring that Picardo thing? 1139 01:08:07,791 --> 01:08:10,043 Okay, I'll do a solo for you. 1140 01:08:10,544 --> 01:08:11,670 (ELYSE LAUGHING) 1141 01:08:12,546 --> 01:08:13,672 Hey... 1142 01:08:15,173 --> 01:08:16,507 (GROANING) 1143 01:08:20,220 --> 01:08:21,930 What's up, Ernie? ERNIE: Hey. 1144 01:08:40,949 --> 01:08:42,951 It was that fugly nurse again. 1145 01:08:51,335 --> 01:08:55,213 (DO YOU WANNA TOUCH ME BY JOAN JETT AND THE BLACKHEARTS PLAYING) 1146 01:08:58,050 --> 01:08:59,885 Oh, my God. 1147 01:08:59,968 --> 01:09:01,302 Matt Stifler? 1148 01:09:02,054 --> 01:09:06,554 Holy shit, look at you. Arianna, what are you doing here? 1149 01:09:06,850 --> 01:09:10,186 We practice our routine with the band. What are you doing here? 1150 01:09:10,312 --> 01:09:12,689 I had to come. The school made me. 1151 01:09:13,690 --> 01:09:17,110 Does anybody know about this yet? Oh, they do now. 1152 01:09:18,153 --> 01:09:21,281 Hey, come on, no pictures. What're you, the papa-tit-zzy? 1153 01:09:21,365 --> 01:09:23,116 Holy shit, this is so hilarious. Smile. 1154 01:09:23,200 --> 01:09:27,037 Ladies. No time for fraternizing. 1155 01:09:28,038 --> 01:09:32,167 Get the bags. Guess I'll see you around, bandy. 1156 01:09:32,334 --> 01:09:36,546 What a dork. I'm going to email this to everybody. 1157 01:09:40,384 --> 01:09:41,968 (BAND PLAYING) 1158 01:09:58,902 --> 01:10:01,738 Girls, that was great. Percussion, take five. 1159 01:10:01,822 --> 01:10:03,573 Horns, we've got to work on intonation. 1160 01:10:03,657 --> 01:10:06,242 The final performance is tomorrow, you guys. 1161 01:10:07,077 --> 01:10:08,912 GIRL: They're so lame. 1162 01:10:09,913 --> 01:10:12,332 You play the triangle. How cute. 1163 01:10:13,166 --> 01:10:16,335 No, I don't. Look, I told you... 1164 01:10:17,003 --> 01:10:18,337 I had to... ARIANNA: I gotta go. 1165 01:10:18,422 --> 01:10:21,758 I don't socialize with bandies. I'm not a fucking bandy. 1166 01:10:22,092 --> 01:10:25,762 I'm not. Look. I've just been acting like a geek. 1167 01:10:26,096 --> 01:10:29,015 I've been playing them so I could get them on hidden video. 1168 01:10:29,099 --> 01:10:32,685 I've been secretly videotaping them doing all this crazy shit. 1169 01:10:33,603 --> 01:10:36,606 Really? Yeah, I could show you. 1170 01:10:39,276 --> 01:10:41,611 Okay, come by after dinner. 1171 01:10:42,112 --> 01:10:44,739 I'll leave my pompoms in the window for you. 1172 01:11:18,064 --> 01:11:19,231 ARIANNA: You're late. 1173 01:11:19,316 --> 01:11:21,359 Yeah, no shit. Open the window. 1174 01:11:24,196 --> 01:11:26,114 Hold on. Be careful with it. 1175 01:11:35,332 --> 01:11:38,585 All right, one condition before I show you the fruits of my labors. 1176 01:11:38,668 --> 01:11:39,877 What's that? 1177 01:11:40,086 --> 01:11:42,463 I want that picture on that camera phone erased. 1178 01:11:54,684 --> 01:11:55,935 MATT: Nobody at school hears 1179 01:11:56,019 --> 01:11:57,812 about the triangle or the beanie. 1180 01:11:57,896 --> 01:12:00,523 I don't want anybody to think I'm a dorky-ass bandy 1181 01:12:00,607 --> 01:12:02,525 ARIANNA: Fine. Like, now can we get on with it? 1182 01:12:02,609 --> 01:12:05,612 MATT: As soon as you get rid of that picture of me on your phone. 1183 01:12:20,460 --> 01:12:21,669 LAURIE: Are you going into town? 1184 01:12:21,753 --> 01:12:23,296 PATTI: Not tonight. I'm too tired. 1185 01:12:23,380 --> 01:12:26,007 Besides, they're much hotter here. 1186 01:12:26,091 --> 01:12:29,010 I know. It's a great crop this year. 1187 01:12:43,817 --> 01:12:47,737 There. Done deal. Now can we see the video? 1188 01:12:48,613 --> 01:12:49,989 Stiffmeister Productions 1189 01:12:50,073 --> 01:12:53,659 in association with its talented new director, Matthew Stifler, 1190 01:12:53,743 --> 01:12:55,745 is happy to premier the unedited, 1191 01:12:55,829 --> 01:13:00,291 unfiltered, and un-fucking-believable Bandeez Gone Wild. 1192 01:13:00,375 --> 01:13:01,542 (MATT EXCLAIMING) 1193 01:13:01,626 --> 01:13:02,835 Oh, yeah. 1194 01:13:07,132 --> 01:13:10,677 Oh, my God. That is unbelievable. 1195 01:13:28,820 --> 01:13:30,238 (LESLIE LAUGHING) 1196 01:13:33,575 --> 01:13:36,119 ARIANNA: You're kidding me, right? That's great. 1197 01:13:37,370 --> 01:13:38,746 PATTI: Danielle likes Jimmy, 1198 01:13:38,830 --> 01:13:40,581 but she's like a foot taller than him. 1199 01:13:40,665 --> 01:13:42,083 And wait till you hear this. 1200 01:13:42,208 --> 01:13:44,752 Sheree slept with that big Oscar guy, the drummer. 1201 01:13:44,878 --> 01:13:46,379 Said he was amazing. 1202 01:13:46,922 --> 01:13:50,133 Well, I hooked up with Brandon once. Some drummer. He has 1203 01:13:50,216 --> 01:13:52,134 no rhythm, and he can't even bang very long. 1204 01:13:52,218 --> 01:13:54,011 PATTI: Oh, my God. Are you serious? 1205 01:13:54,095 --> 01:13:58,224 Yeah, he's a preemie. And I'm not talking about the day he was born, either. 1206 01:13:58,308 --> 01:13:59,309 (PATTI LAUGHING) 1207 01:13:59,976 --> 01:14:02,812 Can you get my back? I think I got a little bit of sun today? 1208 01:14:02,896 --> 01:14:03,980 Sure. 1209 01:14:04,064 --> 01:14:06,900 Get this. He has one ball. 1210 01:14:07,442 --> 01:14:09,777 No way. One ball. 1211 01:14:09,903 --> 01:14:11,112 (PATTI LAUGHING) 1212 01:14:11,237 --> 01:14:14,406 Yeah, that's why he carries that big stick around everywhere. 1213 01:14:14,491 --> 01:14:16,534 It's got his other ball on top. 1214 01:14:20,830 --> 01:14:22,581 Shit, shit, oh, shit. 1215 01:14:22,749 --> 01:14:24,083 (SCREAMING) 1216 01:14:25,877 --> 01:14:27,378 PATTI: What is that thing? 1217 01:14:34,552 --> 01:14:36,095 (SCREAMING) 1218 01:14:41,434 --> 01:14:42,768 Let's kill it. 1219 01:14:43,269 --> 01:14:44,270 PATTI: Where'd he go? 1220 01:14:44,354 --> 01:14:45,355 LAURIE: There he is. 1221 01:14:45,438 --> 01:14:46,605 Look out. 1222 01:14:58,994 --> 01:15:00,370 (GROANING) 1223 01:15:26,479 --> 01:15:28,397 This is going into the lake. 1224 01:15:29,441 --> 01:15:31,901 No one's gonna know about your little video. 1225 01:15:31,985 --> 01:15:34,654 "Cause the shit you got us doing on tape... 1226 01:15:39,659 --> 01:15:43,329 So we got a contest to win tomorrow. And I don't want to see you. 1227 01:15:43,747 --> 01:15:45,123 Understand? 1228 01:15:51,004 --> 01:15:52,463 Did you help him? 1229 01:16:17,280 --> 01:16:18,906 NELSON: With East Great Falls in the lead, 1230 01:16:18,990 --> 01:16:21,784 Beechwood has to win the Band Camp Playoffs. 1231 01:16:21,868 --> 01:16:25,246 Direct yourselves to the marching field in one hour. 1232 01:16:25,538 --> 01:16:28,916 Now, Dr. Choi, Brandon Vandecamp from Beechwood 1233 01:16:29,000 --> 01:16:31,293 is our best musician by far 1234 01:16:31,377 --> 01:16:35,877 and his father, Landon, is our best donor, also by far. 1235 01:16:37,467 --> 01:16:39,510 CHOI: Robards needs talented musicians 1236 01:16:39,594 --> 01:16:42,221 as much as we need talented donors. 1237 01:16:42,305 --> 01:16:43,764 (NELSON LAUGHING) 1238 01:16:44,808 --> 01:16:46,518 (BANDS PLAYING) 1239 01:16:49,020 --> 01:16:50,354 Ipecac. 1240 01:16:52,732 --> 01:16:55,985 So how's it going? Are you having fun? It's okay. 1241 01:16:56,402 --> 01:16:57,903 (PEOPLE CHATTERING) 1242 01:17:01,366 --> 01:17:03,659 How about some Ipecac, Vande-cooch? 1243 01:17:06,579 --> 01:17:10,457 This herbal fucking extract will help you Beechwood fief play in tune, huh? 1244 01:17:12,001 --> 01:17:13,043 Shit. 1245 01:17:20,510 --> 01:17:21,511 OSCAR: Hey! 1246 01:17:22,512 --> 01:17:24,931 I told you I don't want to see you anymore, Stifler. 1247 01:17:25,014 --> 01:17:27,182 MATT: Someday, you'll thank me, asshole. 1248 01:17:31,980 --> 01:17:33,022 JIMMY: Orange? 1249 01:17:33,815 --> 01:17:34,941 Again? 1250 01:17:35,233 --> 01:17:37,276 Damn. That orange shit is janky. 1251 01:17:37,360 --> 01:17:39,278 I'm feeling grape, dawg. 1252 01:17:42,157 --> 01:17:44,117 OSCAR: I don't care how many times they won. 1253 01:17:44,200 --> 01:17:46,118 They're not getting the grape today. 1254 01:17:46,202 --> 01:17:48,579 JIMMY: That's what I'm talking about. 1255 01:17:50,248 --> 01:17:53,125 NELSON: Your five-time defending champion, 1256 01:17:53,751 --> 01:17:55,586 Beechwood Academy. 1257 01:17:56,045 --> 01:17:57,671 (CROWD CHEERING) 1258 01:18:03,178 --> 01:18:04,596 (PLAYING) 1259 01:18:20,987 --> 01:18:22,989 (CROWD CHEERING) 1260 01:18:26,451 --> 01:18:27,493 (EXCLAIMING) 1261 01:18:27,577 --> 01:18:28,619 They're tight. 1262 01:18:28,703 --> 01:18:30,996 CHLOE: Yeah, they're better than ever this year. 1263 01:18:31,080 --> 01:18:32,539 Okay, everybody. 1264 01:18:33,041 --> 01:18:35,251 ELYSE: It's no surprise Beechwood is good. 1265 01:18:35,585 --> 01:18:39,130 But this year is different. This year, we can beat them. 1266 01:18:40,089 --> 01:18:43,258 We've worked hard, and we are good enough 1267 01:18:43,384 --> 01:18:45,928 and this is our time, so let's win the cup. 1268 01:18:46,054 --> 01:18:48,222 ALL: Yeah! 1269 01:19:18,211 --> 01:19:19,420 (CROWD APPLAUDING) 1270 01:19:23,007 --> 01:19:24,717 NELSON: Beechwood Academy. 1271 01:19:24,801 --> 01:19:28,346 Their music today was composed by senior drum major, 1272 01:19:28,429 --> 01:19:30,389 Brandon Vandecamp. 1273 01:19:30,556 --> 01:19:32,683 Beat that. Hoo, ha. 1274 01:19:34,644 --> 01:19:38,189 NELSON: East Great Falls, you may enter the field for competition. 1275 01:19:43,278 --> 01:19:44,737 (CROWD CHEERING) 1276 01:19:51,286 --> 01:19:52,495 (GROANING) 1277 01:19:55,498 --> 01:19:58,667 ELYSE: Band 10 hut. One, two, ready. Shit. 1278 01:19:58,751 --> 01:20:00,335 Leesy, wait, no. 1279 01:20:00,420 --> 01:20:02,463 No. Wait. 1280 01:20:02,672 --> 01:20:04,173 (ALL VOMITING) 1281 01:20:07,927 --> 01:20:09,303 (CROWD EXCLAIMING) 1282 01:20:12,890 --> 01:20:15,100 You know, I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened. 1283 01:20:15,184 --> 01:20:17,352 Not my shoes. Here we go. 1284 01:20:17,478 --> 01:20:18,687 (COUGHING) 1285 01:20:22,191 --> 01:20:23,275 Stifler! 1286 01:20:32,035 --> 01:20:34,787 (HOW TO BE DEAD BY SNOW PATROL PLAYING) 1287 01:20:40,960 --> 01:20:43,379 LEVENSTEIN: You know, you're like your brother, Steve. 1288 01:20:43,463 --> 01:20:46,257 And I don't think those are the shoes you should be so eager to fill. 1289 01:20:47,050 --> 01:20:50,136 You know, the people Steve thought were his friends 1290 01:20:50,261 --> 01:20:52,888 really didn't like him very much. What? 1291 01:20:52,972 --> 01:20:54,431 But I think you're different. 1292 01:20:54,515 --> 01:20:58,769 I think people want to like you, Matt. You just make it really hard. 1293 01:21:09,947 --> 01:21:11,156 BRANDON: Hoo! Hal 1294 01:21:11,699 --> 01:21:12,700 (LAUGHING) 1295 01:21:13,201 --> 01:21:17,079 Parting is such sweet sorrow. When you're a loser. 1296 01:21:23,461 --> 01:21:27,715 Mr. Levenstein reports that there were a few incidents 1297 01:21:27,799 --> 01:21:29,133 at camp. 1298 01:21:29,634 --> 01:21:32,136 But he also says that 1299 01:21:32,261 --> 01:21:35,973 you bonded with the band briefly. 1300 01:21:40,061 --> 01:21:44,315 When school starts, you're going to be on a very short leash. 1301 01:21:44,482 --> 01:21:48,277 Remember, the Shermanator sees it all. 1302 01:21:49,987 --> 01:21:51,279 Be gone. 1303 01:21:56,160 --> 01:21:58,370 Did everybody hate my brother? 1304 01:22:07,171 --> 01:22:08,338 (SHERMAN CLEARING THROAT) 1305 01:22:09,757 --> 01:22:13,218 Stardate, August 21, 2005. 1306 01:22:13,678 --> 01:22:16,055 Some progress made with Stiffy Junior. 1307 01:22:16,514 --> 01:22:18,933 Behavior modification evident. 1308 01:22:20,393 --> 01:22:22,186 Will continue to monitor. 1309 01:22:22,770 --> 01:22:25,022 Shermanator out. 1310 01:22:25,982 --> 01:22:28,818 <i>(FORGET IT BY BREAKING BENJAMIN PLAYING)</i> 1311 01:22:29,360 --> 01:22:31,070 (MATT CHATTERING) 1312 01:22:36,200 --> 01:22:38,619 A little "Double-D Sheree" action. 1313 01:22:43,207 --> 01:22:45,083 Little bit of Dr. Robot. 1314 01:22:46,919 --> 01:22:48,253 (CHUCKLING) Crazy fucker. 1315 01:22:48,337 --> 01:22:49,713 (ALL SHOUTING) 1316 01:22:51,090 --> 01:22:52,674 (ELYSE SCREAMING) 1317 01:22:55,887 --> 01:22:57,138 (MATT LAUGHING) 1318 01:23:52,568 --> 01:23:54,111 (BAND PLAYING) 1319 01:23:56,697 --> 01:23:58,031 Hey, Stifler, where's your instrument? 1320 01:23:58,115 --> 01:23:59,324 Dude, you're in the wrong uniform. 1321 01:23:59,408 --> 01:24:02,285 Screw them, dude. They're gonna freak out when they see the video. 1322 01:24:02,370 --> 01:24:04,538 Look, we thought that if we had an advance screening, 1323 01:24:04,622 --> 01:24:06,707 then everyone would see that you're not really a dork. 1324 01:24:06,791 --> 01:24:09,210 I can't. It's gone. 1325 01:24:10,253 --> 01:24:13,422 ANDY: What? The video, man, I deleted it. 1326 01:24:14,423 --> 01:24:15,465 Why? 1327 01:24:16,384 --> 01:24:19,053 Guess little bro's quitting the family business. 1328 01:24:19,136 --> 01:24:20,637 Are you kidding me? 1329 01:24:24,141 --> 01:24:26,101 He went fucking bandy on us. 1330 01:24:33,442 --> 01:24:34,943 (BELL RINGING) 1331 01:24:42,493 --> 01:24:43,994 Hey, what's up, guys? 1332 01:24:44,829 --> 01:24:46,789 You a dead man, motherfucker. 1333 01:24:47,582 --> 01:24:49,584 You, too, little man. Wait, wait, wait, wait. 1334 01:24:49,917 --> 01:24:53,795 Dude, the purple puke was an accident. Somebody switched the coolers. 1335 01:24:58,509 --> 01:25:00,677 Hey, that orange shit is janky, yo. 1336 01:25:01,929 --> 01:25:06,391 Chloe, we never saw Elyse, you know, naked. 1337 01:25:07,059 --> 01:25:09,019 Matt turned off the computer. 1338 01:25:09,895 --> 01:25:12,522 So we're just supposed to forgive him now? 1339 01:25:13,399 --> 01:25:16,110 He's still an asshole. You're right. 1340 01:25:17,111 --> 01:25:18,445 I am an asshole. 1341 01:25:18,863 --> 01:25:21,115 I can't take back spying on you 1342 01:25:21,198 --> 01:25:23,575 and I can't win that Bandy Cup thing. 1343 01:25:23,701 --> 01:25:26,578 But I can help someone get what she deserves. 1344 01:25:27,413 --> 01:25:29,581 I'm not asking you to forgive me. 1345 01:25:29,790 --> 01:25:32,375 Just help me help Elyse. 1346 01:25:40,468 --> 01:25:42,928 (LAID BY MATT NATHANSON PLAYING) 1347 01:25:43,304 --> 01:25:44,680 ERNIE: I got the number. 1348 01:25:44,764 --> 01:25:45,806 MATT: Go ahead. 1349 01:25:45,890 --> 01:25:49,476 555-0171. 1350 01:25:51,395 --> 01:25:54,147 ELYSE: He shouldn't have been dumping Ipecac in anyone's cooler. 1351 01:25:54,231 --> 01:25:56,066 We could've won on our own. 1352 01:25:58,402 --> 01:26:02,572 I don't even care that he saw me on camera. Well, I mean I do, but... 1353 01:26:02,740 --> 01:26:03,741 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 1354 01:26:03,824 --> 01:26:06,076 Honey, this just came for you. 1355 01:26:09,830 --> 01:26:11,289 It's from Robards. 1356 01:26:12,750 --> 01:26:14,042 What's it say? 1357 01:26:15,795 --> 01:26:18,380 Dr. Choi wants to meet with me? 1358 01:26:36,232 --> 01:26:38,234 Okay. okay. 1359 01:26:38,442 --> 01:26:40,360 Okay. Okay. 1360 01:26:42,029 --> 01:26:43,113 Bye. 1361 01:26:56,335 --> 01:26:57,627 (THUDDING) 1362 01:26:59,338 --> 01:27:01,757 Hi. Elyse Houston. 1363 01:27:03,008 --> 01:27:05,802 I have an appointment with Dr. Choi. 1364 01:27:06,846 --> 01:27:10,474 You're not in the book. Oh, no, there must be some mistake. See... 1365 01:27:12,184 --> 01:27:13,560 I have a letter. 1366 01:27:13,644 --> 01:27:14,645 (CHUCKLES) 1367 01:27:19,150 --> 01:27:20,985 This letter is, well... 1368 01:27:21,736 --> 01:27:22,903 It's a fake. 1369 01:27:23,654 --> 01:27:26,615 This is not Dr. Choi's signature. What? 1370 01:27:33,831 --> 01:27:35,666 (BAGPIPES PLAYING) 1371 01:27:39,837 --> 01:27:40,963 Stifler. 1372 01:27:44,717 --> 01:27:47,010 You son of a bitch. 1373 01:27:48,679 --> 01:27:53,016 What? It wasn't enough for you to humiliate me at Band Camp? 1374 01:27:53,142 --> 01:27:55,811 Now you have to set me up here? 1375 01:27:56,979 --> 01:27:58,522 (BAND PLAYING) 1376 01:28:16,332 --> 01:28:18,042 What's going on here? 1377 01:28:19,460 --> 01:28:20,919 This is my band. 1378 01:28:21,378 --> 01:28:23,254 And that's her music. 1379 01:29:15,099 --> 01:29:16,850 (PEOPLE APPLAUDING) 1380 01:29:21,605 --> 01:29:22,689 Well... 1381 01:29:23,274 --> 01:29:26,944 I've certainly seen some interesting attempts to gain admission, 1382 01:29:27,611 --> 01:29:29,279 but this is a first. 1383 01:29:30,781 --> 01:29:35,035 Excellent audition, Miss Houston. Let's go discuss that scholarship. 1384 01:29:35,619 --> 01:29:37,954 Um, I thought Brandon won. 1385 01:29:38,080 --> 01:29:41,374 No, Mr. Vandecamp was disqualified for plagiarism. 1386 01:29:41,458 --> 01:29:42,709 MATT: All right. 1387 01:29:42,793 --> 01:29:44,085 (OSCAR EXCLAIMING) 1388 01:29:44,795 --> 01:29:46,880 JIMMY: That's what I'm talking about, yo. 1389 01:29:51,051 --> 01:29:53,428 Oh, my God, you guys, that was amazing. 1390 01:29:53,971 --> 01:29:58,058 Thank you so much. Thank him. It was his idea. 1391 01:29:58,142 --> 01:29:59,143 JIMMY: Word. 1392 01:30:01,979 --> 01:30:05,607 You planned all this? With some friends. 1393 01:30:08,819 --> 01:30:10,153 Come here. 1394 01:30:10,613 --> 01:30:12,114 Ow. 1395 01:30:13,240 --> 01:30:17,118 Oh, I believe this is yours. 1396 01:30:18,245 --> 01:30:19,412 You know... 1397 01:30:20,122 --> 01:30:24,167 Picardo is a brand of piccolo. 1398 01:30:25,127 --> 01:30:27,462 You really are an asshole sometimes... 1399 01:30:27,838 --> 01:30:28,922 Stiffy. 1400 01:30:30,257 --> 01:30:31,258 (CHUCKLES) 1401 01:30:33,636 --> 01:30:35,304 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 1402 01:30:35,846 --> 01:30:38,348 (AEROPLANE BY TAL BACHMAN PLAYING) 1403 01:30:50,069 --> 01:30:51,195 (BOTH LAUGHING) 1404 01:33:49,873 --> 01:33:52,041 JIMMY: Man, change the channel, yo. 1405 01:33:52,334 --> 01:33:55,086 Hook a brother up with some mad beats. 1406 01:33:55,170 --> 01:33:56,838 OSCAR: Will you cut that out? 1407 01:33:57,339 --> 01:33:59,507 Your name is James Hi Ping Chong. 1408 01:33:59,633 --> 01:34:01,259 Your dad owns a Chinese restaurant. 1409 01:34:01,343 --> 01:34:04,054 You live in the suburbs. You ain't never gonna be a gangsta. 1410 01:34:04,680 --> 01:34:05,722 Damn! 1411 01:34:08,392 --> 01:34:09,684 JIMMY: That's cold, dawg. 1411 01:34:10,305 --> 01:35:10,230