"The Big Bang Theory" The Cohabitation Formulation

1 00:00:00,013 --> 00:00:01,697 <i>Previously on</i> The Big Bang Theory: 2 00:00:02,100 --> 00:00:04,551 Guess who I found at LAX. My baby sister Priya. 3 00:00:04,552 --> 00:00:06,703 It's really nice to see you again, Leonard. 4 00:00:06,704 --> 00:00:08,572 Yeah, it's good to see you, too. 5 00:00:08,573 --> 00:00:09,640 Here you go. 6 00:00:09,641 --> 00:00:10,808 Thanks. 7 00:00:14,442 --> 00:00:15,859 You slept with my sister?! 8 00:00:15,860 --> 00:00:17,110 Yeah. 9 00:00:17,111 --> 00:00:19,246 This is a terrible betrayal of my trust! 10 00:00:19,247 --> 00:00:21,114 Would it help if I told you 11 00:00:21,115 --> 00:00:22,783 that I offered her my heart, 12 00:00:22,784 --> 00:00:24,618 and she kinda stomped on it?! 13 00:00:24,619 --> 00:00:25,902 How hard did she stomp? 14 00:00:25,903 --> 00:00:27,120 Very hard. 15 00:00:27,121 --> 00:00:29,489 Okay, I'm good. 16 00:00:34,996 --> 00:00:36,697 What's so funny? 17 00:00:36,698 --> 00:00:38,932 Nothing. Just thinking 18 00:00:38,933 --> 00:00:42,369 about the noises people make during sex. 19 00:00:42,370 --> 00:00:45,405 I do sometimes get a bit carried away, don't I? 20 00:00:46,941 --> 00:00:48,392 It's cute. 21 00:00:48,393 --> 00:00:52,145 You sound a little like a drunken monkey. 22 00:00:52,146 --> 00:00:54,982 Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh! 23 00:00:57,018 --> 00:00:59,920 You know it's meant as a compliment. 24 00:00:59,921 --> 00:01:01,521 That's how I take it. 25 00:01:01,522 --> 00:01:04,024 This is perfect. 26 00:01:04,025 --> 00:01:06,960 I hope this moment never ends. 27 00:01:06,961 --> 00:01:08,528 Me, too. 28 00:01:11,032 --> 00:01:13,100 Well, gotta go. Oh! 29 00:01:16,070 --> 00:01:18,121 Already? Why don't you stay over? 30 00:01:18,122 --> 00:01:20,540 I'd love to, but you know 31 00:01:20,541 --> 00:01:23,627 my mother needs me in the morning. 32 00:01:25,913 --> 00:01:29,683 I think the woman can manage to put a wig on by herself. 33 00:01:29,684 --> 00:01:32,452 It's not just the wig. 34 00:01:32,453 --> 00:01:34,621 It's pinning her hair up, drawing on her eyebrows. 35 00:01:34,622 --> 00:01:36,189 It's a two-person job. 36 00:01:38,092 --> 00:01:41,028 It's just, when you leave right after we make love, 37 00:01:41,029 --> 00:01:42,629 it makes me feel... 38 00:01:42,630 --> 00:01:43,897 cheap. 39 00:01:43,898 --> 00:01:45,932 Oh, honey, I'm sorry. 40 00:01:45,933 --> 00:01:47,567 What can I do? 41 00:01:47,568 --> 00:01:48,935 Stay. 42 00:01:48,936 --> 00:01:51,338 Okay. 43 00:01:56,577 --> 00:01:58,879 Like, what, another five, ten minutes? 44 00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:02,415 Go home. 45 00:02:02,416 --> 00:02:03,666 Your call. 46 00:02:06,087 --> 00:02:07,387 Howard... 47 00:02:07,388 --> 00:02:11,558 have you ever considered us living together? 48 00:02:11,559 --> 00:02:13,393 Boy, I don't know. 49 00:02:13,394 --> 00:02:16,863 You, me, Ma living under the same roof? 50 00:02:16,864 --> 00:02:20,634 No, I mean just you and me. 51 00:02:20,635 --> 00:02:21,902 You can move in here, 52 00:02:21,903 --> 00:02:23,837 or we can find a place. 53 00:02:23,838 --> 00:02:25,639 I've got a better solution. What? 54 00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:27,707 We wait for my mom's heart to explode 55 00:02:27,708 --> 00:02:29,676 from all the salt she eats. 56 00:02:29,677 --> 00:02:32,045 Then we just stick her in the ground, flip her mattress 57 00:02:32,046 --> 00:02:33,380 and move into the big bedroom. 58 00:02:33,381 --> 00:02:35,782 Great. 59 00:02:35,783 --> 00:02:39,786 Look at us planning a future together! 60 00:02:45,359 --> 00:02:46,660 Who's there?! 61 00:02:46,661 --> 00:02:48,495 Are you a sex criminal?! 62 00:02:50,465 --> 00:02:54,000 Sex criminals don't have keys, Ma! 63 00:02:54,001 --> 00:02:56,903 Where were you so late?! 64 00:02:56,904 --> 00:02:58,305 I was out with Bernadette! 65 00:02:58,306 --> 00:02:59,739 I know what that means! 66 00:02:59,740 --> 00:03:03,276 I watch <i>Dr. Phil!</i> 67 00:03:03,277 --> 00:03:06,847 I hope to God you used a condom! 68 00:03:06,848 --> 00:03:09,616 I'm not having this conversation with you, Ma! 69 00:03:09,617 --> 00:03:14,654 God forbid you get one of those new fancy sex diseases! 70 00:03:14,655 --> 00:03:17,124 Nobody has a disease! 71 00:03:17,125 --> 00:03:18,592 I hope not! 72 00:03:18,593 --> 00:03:21,828 I share a toilet with you! 73 00:03:23,564 --> 00:03:25,332 Is that what you want?! 74 00:03:25,333 --> 00:03:27,801 To give your mother herbies?! 75 00:03:27,802 --> 00:03:30,303 That's it! I don't have to take this! 76 00:03:30,304 --> 00:03:34,874 Good luck with your eyebrows in the morning! 77 00:03:40,481 --> 00:03:41,748 Who's there?! 78 00:03:41,749 --> 00:03:43,884 Are you a sex criminal?! 79 00:03:43,885 --> 00:03:46,720 I'm still leaving! 80 00:03:46,721 --> 00:03:48,605 I just forgot my Claritin! 81 00:03:49,824 --> 00:03:53,243 ♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪ 82 00:03:53,244 --> 00:03:56,863 ♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪ 83 00:03:56,864 --> 00:03:58,731 ♪ The Earth began to cool ♪ 84 00:03:58,732 --> 00:04:01,434 ♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪ 85 00:04:01,435 --> 00:04:03,637 ♪ We built the Wall ♪ ♪ <i>We built the pyramids</i> ♪ 86 00:04:03,638 --> 00:04:06,439 ♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪ 87 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:08,441 ♪ That all started with a big bang ♪ 88 00:04:08,442 --> 00:04:09,506 ♪ <i>Bang!</i> ♪ 89 00:04:14,854 --> 00:04:16,505 Hey, what's up? 90 00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:18,207 I need a place to crash. 91 00:04:18,208 --> 00:04:18,974 Uh, sure. 92 00:04:18,975 --> 00:04:21,043 Why? 93 00:04:21,044 --> 00:04:22,911 Big fight with my mother. 94 00:04:22,912 --> 00:04:27,149 Still arguing over which <i>CSI</i> is the best? 95 00:04:27,150 --> 00:04:31,186 No, we agreed they all have their merits. 96 00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:33,255 This was about Bernadette. 97 00:04:33,256 --> 00:04:35,357 What's going on? 98 00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:36,458 Howard's gonna sleep here tonight. 99 00:04:36,459 --> 00:04:37,843 He had a fight with his mother. 100 00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:41,063 Did you offer him a hot beverage? 101 00:04:47,504 --> 00:04:49,905 No. 102 00:04:51,608 --> 00:04:54,509 Leonard, social protocol states when a friend is upset, 103 00:04:54,510 --> 00:04:56,745 you offer them a hot beverage, such as tea. 104 00:04:56,746 --> 00:04:59,448 Tea does sound nice. 105 00:04:59,449 --> 00:05:01,700 You heard the man, Leonard. 106 00:05:04,287 --> 00:05:06,722 And while you're at it, I'm upset 107 00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:10,125 that we have an unannounced houseguest, so make me cocoa. 108 00:05:12,695 --> 00:05:14,830 Point of inquiry, 109 00:05:14,831 --> 00:05:17,466 given that Leonard is your secondary friend 110 00:05:17,467 --> 00:05:19,868 and Koothrappali is your primary friend, 111 00:05:19,869 --> 00:05:22,137 why didn't you seek refuge under his roof? 112 00:05:22,138 --> 00:05:23,372 There's no room. 113 00:05:23,373 --> 00:05:24,773 His sister is staying with him. 114 00:05:24,774 --> 00:05:26,942 Wait, wait. What? 115 00:05:26,943 --> 00:05:28,193 Cocoa, Leonard. Focus. 116 00:05:28,194 --> 00:05:30,913 I'm down in the dumps here. 117 00:05:30,914 --> 00:05:33,732 Priya's in town? 118 00:05:33,733 --> 00:05:35,434 Yeah, some work thing. 119 00:05:35,435 --> 00:05:38,520 Anyway, my mother seems to think that Bernadette... 120 00:05:38,521 --> 00:05:40,622 Hold on. When did Priya get here? 121 00:05:40,623 --> 00:05:42,658 I don't know. A couple of days ago. 122 00:05:42,659 --> 00:05:45,611 The thing is, Bernadette doesn't like that I have to take care 123 00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:48,297 of my mother, and my mother doesn't trust Bernadette... 124 00:05:48,298 --> 00:05:49,448 Yeah, that's a real pickle. 125 00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:50,666 Bye. 126 00:05:54,370 --> 00:05:55,704 Don't worry. 127 00:05:55,705 --> 00:05:57,589 As your tertiary friend, 128 00:05:57,590 --> 00:06:00,642 I am prepared to step in and comfort you. 129 00:06:00,643 --> 00:06:02,895 That's not really necessary. 130 00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,463 No, no. I'll finish making the tea, 131 00:06:04,464 --> 00:06:06,465 while you narcissistically ramble on 132 00:06:06,466 --> 00:06:08,517 about whatever's troubling you. 133 00:06:08,518 --> 00:06:10,419 Thanks. 134 00:06:10,420 --> 00:06:13,489 That's what tertiary friends are for. 135 00:06:17,026 --> 00:06:18,227 Who is it? 136 00:06:18,228 --> 00:06:19,428 It's Leonard. 137 00:06:19,429 --> 00:06:21,930 You can't come in. 138 00:06:21,931 --> 00:06:24,166 I just want to talk to her. 139 00:06:24,167 --> 00:06:25,601 I forbid it. 140 00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:26,952 Open the door, Rajesh. 141 00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:28,120 You heard me. 142 00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:30,305 I forbidded it. 143 00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:32,107 "Forbidded" it? 144 00:06:32,108 --> 00:06:34,042 "Forbaded" it? 145 00:06:34,043 --> 00:06:36,712 Get out of the way. 146 00:06:36,713 --> 00:06:38,714 What are you doing here? 147 00:06:38,715 --> 00:06:40,148 What are <i>you</i> doing here? 148 00:06:40,149 --> 00:06:41,517 I have business in Los Angeles. 149 00:06:41,518 --> 00:06:43,018 Why didn't you call? 150 00:06:43,019 --> 00:06:44,586 Clearly, she was sending you a message 151 00:06:44,587 --> 00:06:46,855 to take a hike, Mike. 152 00:06:48,091 --> 00:06:49,658 I'm sorry. I thought about calling, 153 00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:52,661 ♪but I just wasn't sure if seeing you was such a good idea. 154 00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:55,097 I know. Last time I came on too strong. 155 00:06:55,098 --> 00:06:56,398 Can we talk in private? 156 00:06:56,399 --> 00:06:58,467 No! Sure. 157 00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:01,436 It's completely inappropriate for a single woman 158 00:07:01,437 --> 00:07:02,738 to entertain a man in private. 159 00:07:02,739 --> 00:07:05,640 If you insist on talking, you must do it on the couch! 160 00:07:06,709 --> 00:07:09,011 All right, you may talk in the bedroom, 161 00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:11,380 but I want this door to remain open! 162 00:07:11,381 --> 00:07:14,366 All right, just this once you may close the door. 163 00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:16,818 But keep in mind I'll be right out here 164 00:07:16,819 --> 00:07:18,420 monitoring the situation! 165 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:26,074 Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE www.osdb.link/lm 166 00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:33,635 Oh, damn it. 167 00:07:33,636 --> 00:07:36,905 Leonard, when you get this message, call me. 168 00:07:43,179 --> 00:07:46,148 Priya, this is your brother. 169 00:07:46,149 --> 00:07:49,084 When you get this, tell Leonard to check his voicemail. 170 00:07:52,188 --> 00:07:54,656 Would you be sleeping over again this evening? 171 00:07:54,657 --> 00:07:56,124 Because you're welcome to. 172 00:07:56,125 --> 00:07:58,293 That's very nice of you, but I made other plans. 173 00:07:58,294 --> 00:08:01,430 Well, just keep in mind that should you ever need 174 00:08:01,431 --> 00:08:06,635 a slightly apathetic tertiary friend, I stand at the ready. 175 00:08:06,636 --> 00:08:08,536 Hi, Howard. Hi, Sheldon. 176 00:08:08,537 --> 00:08:09,537 Hello. Hey. 177 00:08:09,538 --> 00:08:11,256 Why are you holding hands? 178 00:08:11,257 --> 00:08:13,241 I forbid you to hold hands. 179 00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:16,728 Rajesh, you know Leonard and I spent the night together. 180 00:08:16,729 --> 00:08:18,413 Yeah, but you were just sleeping, 181 00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:20,949 because I forboded you to have sex. 182 00:08:21,985 --> 00:08:23,652 The word is "forbade"" 183 00:08:23,653 --> 00:08:26,922 You sure? That doesn't sound right. 184 00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:29,124 Listen, Rajesh, Leonard and I have decided 185 00:08:29,125 --> 00:08:30,559 to see each other again, 186 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:32,327 and you don't get to tell me 187 00:08:32,328 --> 00:08:35,163 who I can and can't have a relationship with. 188 00:08:35,164 --> 00:08:36,598 Actually, he can. 189 00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:41,069 The Hindu Code of Manu is very clear in these matters. 190 00:08:41,070 --> 00:08:42,704 If a woman's father is not around, 191 00:08:42,705 --> 00:08:46,174 the duty of controlling her base desires falls 192 00:08:46,175 --> 00:08:51,013 to the closest male member of her family, in this case, Raj. 193 00:08:51,014 --> 00:08:52,247 The code also states 194 00:08:52,248 --> 00:08:54,616 that if she disobeys, she will be reborn 195 00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:59,421 "in the womb of a jackal and tormented by diseases." 196 00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:01,857 If true, 197 00:09:01,858 --> 00:09:04,292 that seems like an awfully large gamble 198 00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:06,495 given that the prize is Leonard. 199 00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:12,434 There it is, Priya. We're Indian. 200 00:09:12,435 --> 00:09:14,469 We believe this stuff. 201 00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:17,706 I think it also says that if you eat beef, 202 00:09:17,707 --> 00:09:19,875 you need to live with cows for three months 203 00:09:19,876 --> 00:09:21,043 and drink their urine. 204 00:09:21,044 --> 00:09:24,413 Some of it makes sense, some of it's crazy. 205 00:09:24,414 --> 00:09:27,349 My point is, you can't go out with Leonard. 206 00:09:27,350 --> 00:09:28,784 Who can't go out with Leonard? 207 00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:30,018 My sister. 208 00:09:30,019 --> 00:09:32,587 Penny, this is Raj's sister, Priya. 209 00:09:32,588 --> 00:09:33,955 It's very nice to meet you. 210 00:09:33,956 --> 00:09:36,291 Oh, yeah, you, too. 211 00:09:36,292 --> 00:09:39,561 Priya, if you're experiencing any tension or awkwardness, 212 00:09:39,562 --> 00:09:42,647 it may stem from the fact that Leonard and Penny used to-- 213 00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:46,301 if I may quote Howard-- "do the dance with no pants." 214 00:09:51,074 --> 00:09:52,407 Sheldon! 215 00:09:52,408 --> 00:09:53,642 Really? 216 00:09:53,643 --> 00:09:56,361 Hey, Bernadette, can I talk to you for a second? 217 00:09:56,362 --> 00:09:58,480 Sure. 218 00:09:58,481 --> 00:10:00,749 Penny, you became disenchanted with Leonard 219 00:10:00,750 --> 00:10:01,817 as a lover. 220 00:10:01,818 --> 00:10:04,119 Would you please tell my sister why? 221 00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:07,172 Listen, my mom's going to Palm Springs 222 00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:08,490 to visit her sister. 223 00:10:08,491 --> 00:10:09,925 That's two whole nights in a row I can sleep over 224 00:10:09,926 --> 00:10:11,893 with you all the way to morning. 225 00:10:11,894 --> 00:10:13,261 Unless the desert air dries out her sinuses, 226 00:10:13,262 --> 00:10:14,546 in which case I'll have to schlep out there 227 00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:16,465 with the big humidifier. 228 00:10:16,466 --> 00:10:18,667 That's it? 229 00:10:18,668 --> 00:10:20,502 That's your big solution to all of our problems? 230 00:10:20,503 --> 00:10:23,872 If your mom's nose holds up, we get two nights together? 231 00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:26,108 Isn't that great? 232 00:10:26,109 --> 00:10:28,360 No, it's not great. 233 00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:29,611 You need to make a choice. 234 00:10:29,612 --> 00:10:30,846 Me or your mother. 235 00:10:30,847 --> 00:10:32,714 Uh... 236 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:33,848 Wrong answer. 237 00:10:33,849 --> 00:10:35,200 No, wait. 238 00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:36,568 You didn't let me finish. 239 00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:38,153 I'm listening. 240 00:10:38,154 --> 00:10:39,821 Uh... 241 00:10:46,417 --> 00:10:50,486 I came as quickly as I could. 242 00:10:50,731 --> 00:10:52,400 Okay. 243 00:10:52,424 --> 00:10:54,425 Why? 244 00:10:54,809 --> 00:10:56,115 To comfort you, of course. 245 00:10:56,547 --> 00:10:58,949 Sheldon told me about Leonard dating Rajesh's sister. 246 00:10:58,972 --> 00:11:00,439 So I high-tailed it over here 247 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:02,942 to pick up the pieces of your broken heart. 248 00:11:02,943 --> 00:11:05,044 Amy, I'm fine. 249 00:11:05,045 --> 00:11:08,180 You don't have to be strong for me. 250 00:11:08,181 --> 00:11:10,700 Now let's talk about Priya, that man-stealing bitch. 251 00:11:12,519 --> 00:11:14,286 What? 252 00:11:14,287 --> 00:11:15,955 In situations like this, 253 00:11:15,956 --> 00:11:18,491 best girlfriends are often catty about the other woman. 254 00:11:21,962 --> 00:11:24,914 Really, I am not upset about Leonard and Priya. 255 00:11:24,915 --> 00:11:29,502 Oh. Then perhaps you don't understand what's going on. 256 00:11:29,503 --> 00:11:31,370 Your former boyfriend has replaced you 257 00:11:31,371 --> 00:11:33,239 with what appears to be a very suitable mate. 258 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:35,741 Arguably much more suitable than you. 259 00:11:37,677 --> 00:11:40,112 Oh. Well, good for him. 260 00:11:40,113 --> 00:11:41,947 Hey, what do you mean, "more suitable"? 261 00:11:41,948 --> 00:11:45,384 Well, granted, Penny, your secondary sexual characteristics 262 00:11:45,385 --> 00:11:48,087 are reasonably bodacious. 263 00:11:48,088 --> 00:11:49,622 But Priya is highly educated, 264 00:11:49,623 --> 00:11:51,157 she's an accomplished professional, 265 00:11:51,158 --> 00:11:53,492 and she comes from the culture that literally wrote the book 266 00:11:53,493 --> 00:11:55,594 on neat ways to have sex. 267 00:11:57,130 --> 00:11:59,965 Whereas you, on the other hand, are a community college dropout 268 00:11:59,966 --> 00:12:02,768 who comes from the culture that wrote the book on tipping cows. 269 00:12:02,769 --> 00:12:05,104 Yeah. Okay, I got it. 270 00:12:05,105 --> 00:12:06,405 I got it. 271 00:12:06,406 --> 00:12:09,208 So... what is all that stuff? 272 00:12:09,209 --> 00:12:11,410 This is a portable electroencephalogram. 273 00:12:11,411 --> 00:12:13,963 I'm doing research on emotions and brain activity. 274 00:12:13,964 --> 00:12:15,314 So when you start crying, 275 00:12:15,315 --> 00:12:17,650 I can see which region of the brain is activated. 276 00:12:18,618 --> 00:12:20,753 Then I'm going to stimulate the analogous area 277 00:12:20,754 --> 00:12:23,589 in the brain of a rhesus monkey and see if he cries. 278 00:12:24,691 --> 00:12:26,826 Cool, huh? 279 00:12:41,508 --> 00:12:43,642 I choose you. 280 00:12:43,643 --> 00:12:45,311 Really? 281 00:12:45,312 --> 00:12:47,179 Yep. I moved out of my mother's house. 282 00:12:47,180 --> 00:12:48,247 Cord is cut. 283 00:12:48,248 --> 00:12:50,449 I'm all yours. 284 00:12:51,251 --> 00:12:52,802 What did she say when you told her? 285 00:12:52,803 --> 00:12:55,754 I don't know. She hasn't responded to my email yet. 286 00:12:55,755 --> 00:12:58,491 This is so great. 287 00:12:58,492 --> 00:13:00,559 I love you, Howard. 288 00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:01,844 I love you, too. 289 00:13:01,845 --> 00:13:03,262 So what's for dinner? 290 00:13:04,964 --> 00:13:07,099 Well, I don't really have much of anything in the house. 291 00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:09,001 That's fine. 292 00:13:09,002 --> 00:13:11,237 Why don't we go fool around in our bedroom? 293 00:13:12,906 --> 00:13:14,406 And then you can go shopping. 294 00:13:17,210 --> 00:13:20,196 I thought maybe after we eat, we could see an early movie. 295 00:13:20,197 --> 00:13:21,480 I'd love that. 296 00:13:21,481 --> 00:13:23,115 I love the way you say, 297 00:13:23,116 --> 00:13:25,718 "I'd love that." 298 00:13:25,719 --> 00:13:27,887 She says it the same way I do. 299 00:13:29,456 --> 00:13:31,390 "I'd love that." 300 00:13:31,391 --> 00:13:33,392 Everybody in India says it that way. 301 00:13:33,393 --> 00:13:34,894 It's not a big deal. 302 00:13:35,679 --> 00:13:38,013 Rajesh, don't be a child. 303 00:13:38,014 --> 00:13:39,098 I'm not being a child. 304 00:13:39,099 --> 00:13:40,466 Leonard, I swear to God, 305 00:13:40,467 --> 00:13:41,684 if your sister ever comes to town, 306 00:13:41,685 --> 00:13:43,402 I shall have my way with her. 307 00:13:44,471 --> 00:13:47,573 My sister's 38 and married. 308 00:13:47,574 --> 00:13:49,225 All the more shame that will fall 309 00:13:49,226 --> 00:13:51,243 upon the house of Hofstadter. 310 00:13:53,547 --> 00:13:56,398 Ooh, I thought I smelled pizza. 311 00:13:56,399 --> 00:13:57,550 That's remarkable. 312 00:13:57,551 --> 00:13:59,818 If pepperoni were an explosive substance, 313 00:13:59,819 --> 00:14:01,453 you could replace German shepherds 314 00:14:01,454 --> 00:14:03,355 at our nation's airports. 315 00:14:04,241 --> 00:14:05,758 Hi. Penny, right? 316 00:14:05,759 --> 00:14:07,660 Oh, yes. H-Hi. I'm sorry. 317 00:14:07,661 --> 00:14:09,795 I didn't know you had company. I don't want to impose. 318 00:14:09,796 --> 00:14:11,714 No, no. It's not an imposition. 319 00:14:11,715 --> 00:14:15,067 At this point, in our ecosystem, you are akin to the plover, 320 00:14:15,068 --> 00:14:18,070 a small scavenging bird that eats extra food 321 00:14:18,071 --> 00:14:20,039 from between the teeth of crocodiles. 322 00:14:21,808 --> 00:14:25,044 Please, fly into our open maw, and have at it. 323 00:14:27,247 --> 00:14:29,748 If I had more than a box of baking soda in my refrigerator, 324 00:14:29,749 --> 00:14:31,116 I wouldn't have to take that. 325 00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:36,722 Hi, bestie. 326 00:14:36,723 --> 00:14:38,123 Hi. 327 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,394 So, um, Priya, 328 00:14:42,395 --> 00:14:43,696 you're a lawyer, right? 329 00:14:43,697 --> 00:14:45,397 I know. Pretty boring, huh? 330 00:14:45,398 --> 00:14:48,634 Oh, come on. It's not boring at all. 331 00:14:48,635 --> 00:14:52,037 She's currently helping set up a secondary derivative market 332 00:14:52,038 --> 00:14:54,540 which would allow overseas car firms 333 00:14:54,541 --> 00:14:56,008 to hedge their investments 334 00:14:56,009 --> 00:14:58,677 against potential advancements in battery technology. 335 00:14:58,678 --> 00:14:59,962 Hmm? 336 00:14:59,963 --> 00:15:01,513 Thank you, Leonard. 337 00:15:01,514 --> 00:15:03,882 That doesn't make it sound boring at all. 338 00:15:05,452 --> 00:15:07,987 So, how you holding up? 339 00:15:07,988 --> 00:15:11,323 I'm fine. 340 00:15:11,324 --> 00:15:13,091 Oh, who are you kidding? She's breathtaking. 341 00:15:15,362 --> 00:15:17,262 So, Penny, 342 00:15:17,263 --> 00:15:19,098 Leonard tells me you're an actress. 343 00:15:19,099 --> 00:15:21,200 That must be pretty exciting. 344 00:15:21,201 --> 00:15:22,568 Oh, yeah, yeah. It's real great. 345 00:15:22,569 --> 00:15:24,203 Today I drove to Van Nuys for an audition 346 00:15:24,204 --> 00:15:26,071 I thought was going to be for a cat food commercial. 347 00:15:26,072 --> 00:15:28,040 Turned out to be porn. 348 00:15:29,843 --> 00:15:31,910 Did you get the part? 349 00:15:34,247 --> 00:15:35,648 I didn't do the audition. 350 00:15:35,649 --> 00:15:37,216 Given the state of your career, 351 00:15:37,217 --> 00:15:39,385 can you really afford to be picky? 352 00:15:41,821 --> 00:15:44,223 I took acting classes when I was at Cambridge. 353 00:15:44,224 --> 00:15:45,391 I loved it. 354 00:15:45,392 --> 00:15:46,959 We did <i>Taming</i> <i>of the Shrew.</i> 355 00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:49,261 Oh, wow. I love Taming of the Shrew. 356 00:15:49,262 --> 00:15:50,996 I did a paper on it in high school. 357 00:15:50,997 --> 00:15:54,466 "Who knows not where a wasp does wear his sting? 358 00:15:54,467 --> 00:15:55,501 In his tail." 359 00:15:55,502 --> 00:15:57,536 "In his tongue"" "Whose tongue?" 360 00:15:57,537 --> 00:15:59,405 "Yours, if you talk of tails, 361 00:15:59,406 --> 00:16:00,689 and so farewell." 362 00:16:00,690 --> 00:16:02,691 "What, with my tongue in your tail?" 363 00:16:10,083 --> 00:16:11,784 I'm regretting my earlier cattiness. 364 00:16:11,785 --> 00:16:14,553 She is an absolute delight. 365 00:16:18,658 --> 00:16:20,843 Wow. 366 00:16:26,066 --> 00:16:28,267 Wow, indeed. 367 00:16:29,402 --> 00:16:31,603 I can't believe we're finally living together. 368 00:16:31,604 --> 00:16:33,205 Yeah. 369 00:16:33,206 --> 00:16:35,040 You know what would make this moment perfect? 370 00:16:35,041 --> 00:16:36,208 What? 371 00:16:36,209 --> 00:16:39,411 A little snack. You got any string cheese? 372 00:16:39,412 --> 00:16:41,146 No. 373 00:16:41,147 --> 00:16:42,848 I-I might have some cheddar. 374 00:16:42,849 --> 00:16:44,717 Not as good. 375 00:16:44,718 --> 00:16:47,453 You can't make strings with it. 376 00:16:47,454 --> 00:16:49,588 Remind me to put it on your shopping list. 377 00:16:49,589 --> 00:16:51,890 Okay. 378 00:16:51,891 --> 00:16:53,625 You have hypo-allergenic detergent? 379 00:16:53,626 --> 00:16:54,793 No. 380 00:16:54,794 --> 00:16:56,211 Better put it on the list. 381 00:16:56,212 --> 00:16:58,163 If you wash my underwear with regular soap, 382 00:16:58,164 --> 00:17:00,699 I get little red bumps on my <i>tuchus.</i> 383 00:17:03,887 --> 00:17:05,637 Wait a second. 384 00:17:05,638 --> 00:17:07,072 I'm doing your laundry? 385 00:17:07,073 --> 00:17:10,743 Well, honey, it's not gonna do itself. 386 00:17:10,744 --> 00:17:12,377 Oh, before I forget, 387 00:17:12,378 --> 00:17:14,263 tomorrow morning, you're driving me to the dentist. 388 00:17:14,264 --> 00:17:16,214 I have to take you? 389 00:17:16,215 --> 00:17:19,518 You don't have to take me. You get to take me. 390 00:17:20,854 --> 00:17:22,571 Wait a minute. Are you telling me 391 00:17:22,572 --> 00:17:24,990 your mother usually takes you to the dentist? 392 00:17:24,991 --> 00:17:26,558 It's not weird. 393 00:17:26,559 --> 00:17:29,294 There's lots of kids there with their moms. 394 00:17:29,295 --> 00:17:32,498 I can't believe this. 395 00:17:32,499 --> 00:17:34,166 What? It's fun. 396 00:17:34,167 --> 00:17:35,434 If I have no cavities, 397 00:17:35,435 --> 00:17:37,703 afterwards, we go out for a treat. 398 00:17:39,105 --> 00:17:41,907 All right, Howard, let's get something straight right now. 399 00:17:41,908 --> 00:17:43,842 I'm not going to be your mother. 400 00:17:43,843 --> 00:17:45,177 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 401 00:17:45,178 --> 00:17:47,246 Where did that come from? 402 00:17:55,488 --> 00:17:56,588 Who's that?! 403 00:17:56,589 --> 00:18:00,058 Is it a sex criminal?! 404 00:18:00,059 --> 00:18:03,729 Nobody wants to do that to you, Ma! 405 00:18:03,730 --> 00:18:05,964 Where were you?! 406 00:18:05,965 --> 00:18:07,399 Didn't you read my email?! 407 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,669 You know I can't turn on that <i>ferkakta</i> computer! 408 00:18:12,038 --> 00:18:14,907 I left you some brisket on the kitchen counter! 409 00:18:14,908 --> 00:18:16,575 Thank you! 410 00:18:16,576 --> 00:18:17,943 Remember to floss after. 411 00:18:17,944 --> 00:18:21,497 We have the dentist in the morning! 412 00:18:25,018 --> 00:18:26,385 Oh, hey. What's up? 413 00:18:26,386 --> 00:18:27,753 I just wanted to check in on you. 414 00:18:27,754 --> 00:18:28,821 Why? 415 00:18:28,822 --> 00:18:30,522 It seems like the appropriate thing to do 416 00:18:30,523 --> 00:18:32,458 when one's best friend finds herself replaced 417 00:18:32,459 --> 00:18:34,059 by a smart, beautiful woman 418 00:18:34,060 --> 00:18:37,796 with the smoldering sexuality of a crouched Bengal tiger. 419 00:18:37,797 --> 00:18:41,433 I already told you, I'm okay with it. 420 00:18:41,434 --> 00:18:44,603 I mean, if anything, I'm quite pleased 421 00:18:44,604 --> 00:18:45,988 that Leonard has found someone 422 00:18:45,989 --> 00:18:48,991 that makes him so happy. 423 00:18:48,992 --> 00:18:51,577 It's okay, it's okay. 424 00:18:51,578 --> 00:18:52,711 Thank you. 425 00:18:52,712 --> 00:18:54,346 Now, let's get these electrodes attached 426 00:18:54,347 --> 00:18:57,032 and see what's going on in that pretty little noggin of yours. 427 00:18:57,033 --> 00:18:59,251 Okay. 428 00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:08,178 I smell Chinese food. 429 00:19:08,179 --> 00:19:10,647 It's actually Thai. 430 00:19:10,648 --> 00:19:12,749 You're slipping. 431 00:19:12,750 --> 00:19:14,885 Are Leonard and Priya here? 432 00:19:14,886 --> 00:19:17,054 They went to Catalina for the weekend. 433 00:19:17,055 --> 00:19:18,388 Oh. Where's Raj? 434 00:19:18,389 --> 00:19:21,291 At home, forbidding it. 435 00:19:21,292 --> 00:19:22,693 How about Howard? 436 00:19:22,694 --> 00:19:23,894 I'm given to understand 437 00:19:23,895 --> 00:19:27,097 his mother grounded him for running away. 438 00:19:27,098 --> 00:19:30,234 Oh, okay. 439 00:19:30,235 --> 00:19:34,071 Well, I guess it's just the two of us, huh? 440 00:19:34,072 --> 00:19:36,340 Actually, it's the three of us. 441 00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:38,642 AMY What up, bestie? 442 00:19:40,545 --> 00:19:41,879 Good news. 443 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:44,348 Thanks to you, I was able to make a rhesus monkey cry 444 00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:46,517 like a disgraced televangelist. 445 00:19:47,619 --> 00:19:49,353 Great. 446 00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:50,621 So, you feeling better? 447 00:19:50,622 --> 00:19:51,722 Not really. 448 00:19:51,723 --> 00:19:54,358 Sheldon, you have a guest who's upset. 449 00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:56,360 Right. I'll make tea. 450 00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:58,912 - Sweetie, it's okay. I don't want tea. - I'm sorry. It's not optional. 450 00:19:59,305 --> 00:20:59,922 Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE www.osdb.link/lm