"The Big Bang Theory" The Conjugal Configuration

1 00:00:01,720 --> 00:00:03,520 <i>Previously on</i> The Big Bang Theory... 2 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:07,590 Can you believe our little lamb is finally getting married? 3 00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:08,716 He can't believe it. 4 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:11,880 And neither can I. 5 00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:14,440 Hi, Dad. How you doing? 6 00:00:18,240 --> 00:00:20,118 By the power vested in me 7 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:23,351 by even-you-can-perform-weddings-dot-com 8 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:27,711 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 9 00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:29,910 You may kiss the bride. 10 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:38,949 Good morning, wife. 11 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:43,279 Good morning, husband. 12 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:47,512 - I can't believe we're actually married. - It's official. 13 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:50,195 According to tradition, we should hang the bed sheets outside 14 00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:52,152 so the villagers can see that we consummated. 15 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:55,336 I don't think that that's appropriate, 16 00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:57,477 considering where we're starting our honeymoon. 17 00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,200 Oh, I suppose you're right. 18 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:04,394 Although when you think about it, 19 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:07,200 Lego is the perfect metaphor for marital congress. 20 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:10,079 Two pieces that interlock with a satisfying snap. 21 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,796 Oh, that's the sound you were making. 22 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:17,109 Oh! I almost forgot, 23 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:20,193 while you were sleeping, I ordered room service. 24 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:21,280 Really? 25 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:23,556 Voila! 26 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:27,597 You thought it was going to be food, didn't you? 27 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:32,517 <i>Our whole universe was in a hot dense state</i> 28 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:35,877 <i>Then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started...</i> 29 00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:36,880 <i>Wait!</i> 30 00:01:36,881 --> 00:01:37,839 <i>The earth began to cool</i> 31 00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:39,115 <i>The autotrophs began to drool</i> 32 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:40,634 <i>Neanderthals developed tools</i> 33 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:42,518 <i>We built a wall We built the pyramids</i> 34 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:45,399 <i>Math, science, history Unraveling the mystery</i> 35 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:46,960 <i>It all started with the Big Bang!</i> 36 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:48,080 <i>Bang!</i> 37 00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:59,279 Is it nice having Sheldon and Amy away on their honeymoon? 38 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,234 Yeah, because now Leonard and I get all this alone time. 39 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:03,856 But you're not alone, we're here. 40 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:05,837 Yes. Yes, you are. 41 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:08,896 Would you like us to leave 42 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:11,576 so you and Leonard can talk about all the things you have in common? 43 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,160 Ha-ha! She called your bluff. 44 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:17,120 So, something pretty cool happened. 45 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:19,160 Channel 3 asked me to be on the news tomorrow night 46 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:20,520 to talk about the meteor shower. 47 00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:21,680 - Oh, that's great. - Hey. 48 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:22,680 Congratulations. 49 00:02:22,681 --> 00:02:24,417 You know, that's how Neil deGrasse Tyson got his start. 50 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:26,159 He went from the Hayden Planetarium 51 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:27,674 to guesting on the local news 52 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:29,911 to ruining everyone's favorite movies on the Internet. 53 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:32,576 And now it's happening to me. 54 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:34,080 Ooh! I should probably make a list 55 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:36,880 of all the scientific inaccuracies in <i>Mamma Mia! 2.</i> 56 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:41,075 You're gonna go on live TV and admit you've seen that movie? 57 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:43,280 Hey, your husband's the one who took me. 58 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:47,631 Meryl Streep and Cher? Yeah, I saw it. 59 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:53,200 Sounds like someone's in there. 60 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:55,712 God, what if Sheldon and Amy are getting robbed? 61 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:58,153 Or worse, what if they're back early? 62 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:03,160 They're not, they just posted a picture in front of the Statue of Liberty. 63 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:04,515 - Real or Lego? - Lego. 64 00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:08,320 So what should we do? Should someone go check it out? 65 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:11,474 I would, but I gotta be on TV tomorrow, gotta protect the money. 66 00:03:15,161 --> 00:03:16,657 Oh, yeah. Someone's definitely in there. 67 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,319 Okay, let's go into our apartment, 68 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:19,496 we'll lock the door, we'll call the police... 69 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:21,159 Hello? Anyone in there? 70 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,157 - Yes? - Oh. Mr. Fowler, 71 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:27,576 sorry, we didn't know you were here. 72 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:30,069 We actually thought someone was breaking in. 73 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:31,753 And we were ready to take them down. 74 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:36,712 - Amy asked me to water her plants. - She doesn't have any plants. 75 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:38,749 Oh. 76 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:42,629 Well, you called me on a lie. Have a good day. 77 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:51,040 That was weird, right? 78 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:53,032 Was it? I honestly can't tell anymore. 79 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:56,118 Hey, did you even see <i>Mamma Mia! 1?</i> 80 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,112 Didn't need to. The sequel stands on its own. 81 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:06,074 Do you want subtitles for any video? -=[ ai.OpenSubtitles.com ]=- 82 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:13,470 Here you go. 83 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:17,158 If you need any recommendations while visiting New York, 84 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,357 please don't hesitate to contact me. 85 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:21,318 Well, it is our honeymoon. 86 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:22,993 So we are going to be quite busy. 87 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:24,514 Got it. 88 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,910 <i>Harry Potter</i> play, parts one and two. 89 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:29,753 And tomorrow, a tour of the sights 90 00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:32,958 where Nikola Tesla lived, worked and slowly went crazy. 91 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,071 And of course, coitus. 92 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,000 Ah. 93 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:43,199 Enjoy New York. And I guess, coitus. 94 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:51,956 Really, Sheldon, you wanna do it again? 95 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:55,716 Don't act surprised, it's clearly marked on the schedule. 96 00:04:56,640 --> 00:05:00,236 Now, shall we "steam the wrinkles out of our wizard robes" 97 00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:03,319 or "make vigorous, socially-sanctioned love"? 98 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,440 Either way, I can check something off my to-do list. 99 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:09,353 "Socially-sanct..." Oh, wow. Yeah, there it is, right there. 100 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:14,960 Uh, hurry, Raj is on next. 101 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:18,519 I can't believe they canceled <i>Vampire Diaries,</i> but they'll show this. 102 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:21,916 This is the news. 103 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:27,756 And that was a woman torn between two hunky vampires, what is your point? 104 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:32,918 Larry! I know you're in there! 105 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:36,200 - Is that Amy's mom? - Let me in. 106 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:38,678 Let me in! 107 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,480 Either that or the Big Bad Wolf. 108 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,320 Larry! 109 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:49,713 Mrs. Fowler, are you okay? 110 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:52,760 Oh, I'm okay, it's my husband you should worry about. 111 00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:53,910 Oh, we do. 112 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:57,077 Larry, come on! 113 00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:58,280 I don't think he's in there. 114 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:05,312 I mean, he came by to water the imaginary plants, but then he left. 115 00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:08,033 You're so naive. 116 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:10,794 Blondie here is gonna chew you up and spit you out. 117 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:13,875 Well, don't tell him. 118 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,310 Come on. You have an extra key, open it up. 119 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,751 All right, but I'm telling you, he's not in there. 120 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:27,256 There. See? 121 00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:31,035 Oh, he's in here, I can smell his Axe Body Spray. 122 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:34,480 He wears Axe Body Spray? 123 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,199 You happy? You smell like Amy's dad. 124 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:40,640 Larry! 125 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:42,074 - Come on. - Uh-uh-uh... 126 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:43,560 Shouldn't we mind our own business? 127 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:45,877 Wow. Sometimes it's like you don't know me at all. 128 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,350 See, he's not here. 129 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:52,560 You don't know him like I do. 130 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,073 To be fair, we don't know either of you. 131 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:00,270 Satisfied? 132 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:08,433 Oh, yeah, now I smell him. 133 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,439 Man, that is one hot weather girl. 134 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:17,759 How come if I say that, I get in trouble? 135 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:20,714 You wanna say it? You can say it. 136 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:29,430 Nice try. 137 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:33,800 You're gonna have to find some other way to not have sex with me tonight. 138 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,591 And it's not "weather girl," it's weather woman. 139 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:41,073 <i>And with us today to talk about the upcoming meteor shower</i> 140 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,480 <i>and the best places to view it,</i> 141 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:46,793 <i>Caltech astrophysicist Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali.</i> 142 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:48,474 <i>Thank you for being here.</i> 143 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:49,960 <i>Thank you for having me</i>. 144 00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:52,271 <i>I guess Neil deGrasse Tyson was unavailable.</i> 145 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:54,556 <i>Yeah.</i> 146 00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:58,840 <i>What do you mean, "Yeah"?</i> 147 00:07:58,841 --> 00:08:03,551 <i>Not important. So, what can we expect to see from this meteor shower?</i> 148 00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:07,194 <i>Well, I think you can count on a lot of flaming gas,</i> 149 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,176 <i>which is what you would've gotten from your first choice,</i> 150 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:10,475 <i>Neil deGrasse Tyson.</i> 151 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,517 Pull up, Raj, pull up. 152 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:18,630 <i>Sounds like there's no love lost between you and Dr. Tyson.</i> 153 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:20,200 <i>Oh, no, I love Neil.</i> 154 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:23,993 <i>I mean, not as much as Neil loves Neil, but who does, right?</i> 155 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,678 I wanna look away, but I can't. 156 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:31,800 <i>Oh. I am told we are out of time...</i> 157 00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:35,712 <i>having learned nothing about meteor showers</i> 158 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:37,951 <i>and too much about Dr. Koothrappali.</i> 159 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:39,670 <i>Thank you.</i> 160 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:49,991 You know what I love about Broadway theater? It's so interactive. 161 00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:51,560 Uh-huh. 162 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,274 You're so close to the actors, it's like you're in the play. 163 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:56,360 Uh-huh. 164 00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:59,355 When you yell, "Harry, watch out!" he looks right at you. 165 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,390 No, and not just Harry, everyone on stage. 166 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:05,056 At the risk of sounding redundant... 167 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:06,080 Uh-huh. 168 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:08,918 All right, well, it's a bit late, 169 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:12,072 but I did block out the rest of the evening for conjugal relations. 170 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:13,796 Should we shower? 171 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:16,714 I mean before, not during. That's how you fall and break a hip. 172 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:19,314 You know, I'm a little jet laggy, 173 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,000 maybe we can revisit this in the morning. 174 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:22,356 Oh, no can do. 175 00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:25,239 If we miss tonight, it's not scheduled until Thursday at 6:00. 176 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:27,158 And that will have to be no frills 177 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:29,120 'cause we've got a 6:30 reservation at Benihana. 178 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:33,270 Sheldon, do we really have to do this on a schedule? 179 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:36,113 Are you suggesting spontaneity? 180 00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:38,239 Uh... I guess, yeah. 181 00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:41,958 So now that we're married, sex can occur at any time? 182 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,997 Like, we could be brushing our teeth 183 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:46,800 and suddenly your minty-fresh tongue is in my mouth? No, thank you. 184 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:50,113 Really? Would it be so bad to mix it up a little? 185 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,510 Mix it up? Who are you, Betty Crocker? 186 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:56,229 - Where are you going? - To take a shower. 187 00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:59,392 Now that sex can happen at any time, I always have to be ready. 188 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,000 I should probably live under a waterfall. 189 00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:05,056 Well, you don't have to worry about sex happening tonight. 190 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:06,080 Oh... 191 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,357 Well, thanks, but I'm still gonna rinse off. 192 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:10,080 I touched a lot of stuff in the gift shop. 193 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:18,156 No message, no note, who would do that? What kind of husband... 194 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:19,959 If you let him talk, maybe you'll find out. 195 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:22,996 Fine. Larry? 196 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,236 Well, there you go, what more can he say? 197 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:30,470 Let's go home. 198 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:33,589 I think I'll stay. 199 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,760 Well, if you're going to stay, then I'll stay. 200 00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:40,196 All right, well, you know who doesn't need to stay? 201 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:42,317 Us. Come on. 202 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,677 Penny? 203 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:54,713 I don't think those two are gonna make it. 204 00:11:03,620 --> 00:11:06,419 Poor Mr. Fowler, I really feel sorry for the little guy. 205 00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,332 I know. After they had Amy, 206 00:11:08,420 --> 00:11:10,537 she should've just eaten him and been done with it. 207 00:11:12,620 --> 00:11:15,180 Look at you retaining facts from a nature show. 208 00:11:16,700 --> 00:11:18,976 I know. Really. What did he ever see in her? 209 00:11:19,060 --> 00:11:21,814 He's so, so sweet, and she's such a ballbuster. 210 00:11:21,900 --> 00:11:23,937 Some guys think strong women are sexy. 211 00:11:24,020 --> 00:11:25,820 Yeah, but they seem to have nothing in common. 212 00:11:26,140 --> 00:11:28,655 Yeah, but sometimes opposites attract. 213 00:11:31,780 --> 00:11:34,011 Wait, wait, are you saying we are like them? 214 00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:36,460 I don't know, maybe a little. 215 00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:42,053 So you're the sweet, quiet one and I'm Amy's mom? 216 00:11:42,140 --> 00:11:43,540 Is that what you're saying? 217 00:11:53,460 --> 00:11:55,975 Hey, check out what Neil deGrasse Tyson just tweeted. 218 00:11:56,060 --> 00:11:59,178 "I've been informed that some random, attention-seeking nobody 219 00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:01,172 took a cheap shot at me on the local news." 220 00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:04,735 That's me. Guys, he's talking about me. 221 00:12:06,220 --> 00:12:09,099 You know, I cut you a lot of slack 'cause you come from another country, 222 00:12:09,180 --> 00:12:11,297 but you've been here a long time. 223 00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:15,257 Raj, you need to apologize to Dr. Tyson. 224 00:12:15,740 --> 00:12:17,618 Why? This could be good for me. 225 00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:20,295 Everybody loves a good Twitter feud. 226 00:12:20,380 --> 00:12:23,612 Neil and I could be the new Katy Perry and Taylor Swift. 227 00:12:24,580 --> 00:12:26,036 Come on, Raj, you're better than this. 228 00:12:26,060 --> 00:12:29,178 Hmm. Leave room for dessert, 'cause I'm gonna make you eat those words. 229 00:12:30,980 --> 00:12:32,414 "Dear Dr. Tyson, 230 00:12:33,540 --> 00:12:37,978 much like epithelial tissue, it appears I've gotten under your skin." 231 00:12:39,580 --> 00:12:42,300 iPhone drop, but I won't, 'cause I don't have AppleCare. 232 00:12:45,900 --> 00:12:47,016 What'd he say? 233 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:50,810 "Nice try, genius. The skin is epithelial tissue." 234 00:12:52,540 --> 00:12:56,056 Oh, it's on. He's Katy, I'm T-Swift. 235 00:13:01,820 --> 00:13:03,700 What're you gonna do, he's from another country. 236 00:13:08,340 --> 00:13:10,218 And here we have the former hotel 237 00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:13,850 where Tesla perfected the three-phase alternating current motor. 238 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,611 - That's wrong. I'm gonna say something. - Don't. 239 00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:19,740 Well, then how will everyone know I'm the smartest boy here? 240 00:13:21,020 --> 00:13:22,136 Just let it go. 241 00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:26,059 Is everything all right? You seem testy this morning. 242 00:13:26,140 --> 00:13:27,290 I'm not testy. 243 00:13:27,380 --> 00:13:29,849 I'll have to take your word for it, there's no test for testy. 244 00:13:32,620 --> 00:13:34,691 Is it possible that you're sexually frustrated? 245 00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:36,294 Okay, now I'm testy. 246 00:13:37,220 --> 00:13:39,212 If you had adhered to my coital schedule, 247 00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:41,815 your brain would be floating on a sea of oxytocin right now. 248 00:13:42,260 --> 00:13:44,900 Don't talk to me about my brain. I'm a neurobiologist. 249 00:13:45,340 --> 00:13:47,650 Then you should know the benefits of the special hug 250 00:13:47,740 --> 00:13:48,969 that grownups give each other. 251 00:13:51,780 --> 00:13:53,180 Sheldon, everybody's listening. 252 00:13:53,260 --> 00:13:56,571 Well, of course they're listening, we're interesting. Unlike that guy. 253 00:13:58,460 --> 00:13:59,940 I'm walking away from you. 254 00:14:06,380 --> 00:14:09,134 I'm only recently married. Do I stay here? Do I follow? 255 00:14:09,220 --> 00:14:10,220 Say something useful. 256 00:14:18,780 --> 00:14:20,134 Morning, sunshine. 257 00:14:24,420 --> 00:14:26,218 So, I see you're making espresso. 258 00:14:26,340 --> 00:14:30,653 Yep, just need that extra jolt for a successful day of ballbusting. 259 00:14:32,700 --> 00:14:34,578 Really? I don't think you do. 260 00:14:36,100 --> 00:14:38,740 You know, you compared us to the strangest couple we know. 261 00:14:38,820 --> 00:14:41,051 And we know Amy and Sheldon, Howard and Bernadette, 262 00:14:41,140 --> 00:14:42,893 Raj and his twitchy little dog. 263 00:14:44,580 --> 00:14:46,492 I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. 264 00:14:46,580 --> 00:14:48,776 Because it wasn't nice or because it wasn't true? 265 00:14:48,860 --> 00:14:50,089 It's not true. 266 00:14:50,500 --> 00:14:53,254 Mrs. Fowler is an angry, vindictive woman. 267 00:14:53,340 --> 00:14:56,731 Whereas you are warm and loving, 268 00:14:57,540 --> 00:14:58,690 quick to forgive. 269 00:14:59,260 --> 00:15:01,172 - Oh, please. - I'm serious. 270 00:15:01,260 --> 00:15:02,933 And I'm nothing like Amy's dad. 271 00:15:03,020 --> 00:15:05,694 He's a mousy little man who can't stand up for himself. 272 00:15:09,380 --> 00:15:11,620 My point is, you're not like her, so we're not like them. 273 00:15:13,020 --> 00:15:15,455 Thirty years from now, are you gonna hide from me 274 00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:16,735 because I'm so scary? 275 00:15:17,340 --> 00:15:19,696 Hey, I don't think you're scary. 276 00:15:20,260 --> 00:15:23,059 Yes, I flinch when you make sudden moves, 277 00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:27,140 but that says more about my childhood than you. 278 00:15:27,900 --> 00:15:28,900 Aw! 279 00:15:36,140 --> 00:15:37,620 - Your turn. - Hang on, 280 00:15:37,700 --> 00:15:40,534 I'm checking to see if Neil replied to my latest smackdown. 281 00:15:41,580 --> 00:15:44,175 Really, don't you think this Twitter feud is a little silly? 282 00:15:44,660 --> 00:15:46,219 Absolutely not, 283 00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:49,737 it's two respected scientists debating opposing views in a public forum. 284 00:15:50,180 --> 00:15:52,695 You called him Mike Tyson's little sister. 285 00:15:54,420 --> 00:15:56,377 Yeah. And now Mike Tyson's mad at me, too. 286 00:15:59,060 --> 00:16:01,780 Raj, you're not going to impress anyone by attacking him. 287 00:16:02,380 --> 00:16:04,975 Oh, Bernadette, you sound so old right now. 288 00:16:09,940 --> 00:16:13,570 He said he needs a break, and I'm too much for him. 289 00:16:13,700 --> 00:16:15,373 Oh, I'm sure he didn't mean that. 290 00:16:15,940 --> 00:16:17,374 He said I'm overbearing. 291 00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:22,056 Oh, please, you're just the right amount of bearing. 292 00:16:23,940 --> 00:16:25,579 Look, I know he loves you. 293 00:16:25,660 --> 00:16:27,970 If you just give him some space, I'm sure he'll come back. 294 00:16:28,700 --> 00:16:31,135 - You really think so? - Yeah, I do. 295 00:16:32,940 --> 00:16:34,860 - You're a good person, Penny. - Oh... 296 00:16:35,540 --> 00:16:38,692 I hope we get to spend lots of time together. 297 00:16:42,340 --> 00:16:43,376 Me, too. 298 00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:48,369 - Yes. - Hit the road. 299 00:16:50,380 --> 00:16:51,416 - But... - Now! 300 00:16:52,580 --> 00:16:54,412 - Can I get my stuff? - Be quick about it. 301 00:17:02,540 --> 00:17:04,133 - Hello. - Hello. 302 00:17:04,740 --> 00:17:06,015 I brought you two hot dogs. 303 00:17:07,180 --> 00:17:08,580 Aren't you gonna eat one? 304 00:17:09,060 --> 00:17:10,699 From a street cart? Are you crazy? 305 00:17:11,660 --> 00:17:13,094 I'm amazed that I'm holding them. 306 00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:15,700 I'm not really hungry. 307 00:17:16,980 --> 00:17:20,735 You realize that I'm not a particularly physical person? 308 00:17:22,180 --> 00:17:23,933 - I know. - When I was little 309 00:17:24,060 --> 00:17:26,220 and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up, 310 00:17:26,300 --> 00:17:29,099 I'd always say "A brain in a jar." 311 00:17:30,180 --> 00:17:31,409 Sure. 312 00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:33,696 Yeah, but I wanna be a good husband to you, 313 00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:35,937 and intimacy is a part of that. 314 00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:39,176 Please put those down. 315 00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:44,013 I'm just worried that if I don't schedule our bedroom endeavors, 316 00:17:44,100 --> 00:17:45,500 then I may not think about them, 317 00:17:45,580 --> 00:17:47,970 and you'll grow cold and distant 318 00:17:48,620 --> 00:17:51,818 and seek solace in the arms of a heavily-muscled longshoreman. 319 00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:54,933 Where would I find a longshoreman? 320 00:17:55,380 --> 00:17:56,894 Along the shore. It's in the name. 321 00:18:00,540 --> 00:18:03,851 Sheldon, I could never be with anybody but you. 322 00:18:04,860 --> 00:18:06,135 That's good to know. 323 00:18:06,220 --> 00:18:09,133 I wouldn't want to fight a man who's brave enough to touch a fish. 324 00:18:12,460 --> 00:18:14,179 How's this for a compromise, 325 00:18:15,020 --> 00:18:18,775 make all the schedules you want, just don't tell me about them. 326 00:18:19,460 --> 00:18:20,576 Excellent. 327 00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:24,137 I'll create an algorithm that'll generate a pseudo-random schedule. 328 00:18:24,220 --> 00:18:27,179 And do you know why it won't be a true random schedule? 329 00:18:28,220 --> 00:18:30,337 Because the generation of true random numbers 330 00:18:30,460 --> 00:18:32,895 remains an unsolved problem in computer science. 331 00:18:32,980 --> 00:18:34,096 Come with me. 332 00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:35,756 - Where are we going? - To the hotel room. 333 00:18:35,780 --> 00:18:38,700 And when we get there, I'm gonna need you to say that again, except naked. 334 00:18:58,240 --> 00:18:59,390 Go for Dr. K. 335 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,595 - <i>Is this Rajesh Koothrappali?</i> - Yes. Who is this? 336 00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:05,514 Neil deGrasse Tyson. 337 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,517 Uh, wow. 338 00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:13,239 How fun is this Twitter thing, huh? 339 00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:16,120 You think you're funny? 340 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:19,113 I'm not Seinfeld funny, but I did an open mic night once... 341 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,350 You're not funny. 342 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:23,320 Yeah, that's what they said at the Chuckle Hut. 343 00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:25,476 <i>How about this,</i> 344 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,799 I've got a book signing at Vroman's in Pasadena next week. 345 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:31,634 Why don't you come by and say some of those things to my face? 346 00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:33,196 Oh-ho-ho-ho... 347 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:34,873 No, but thanks for the invite. 348 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,560 Smart move. And the next time you pick up your phone, 349 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:42,997 remember I'm the guy who kicked Pluto out of the solar system. 350 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:47,120 And it deserved it, sir. Thank you, bye-bye. 351 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:50,639 Well, that was fun. 352 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:55,230 Let's see who else needs a deGrasse-kickin'. 353 00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:01,355 Bill Nye Science Guy. 354 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:06,234 Hey, Bill, Neil Tyson, we've gotta talk. 354 00:20:07,305 --> 00:21:07,455