"Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" The Big Stink
ID | 13184916 |
---|---|
Movie Name | "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" The Big Stink |
Release Name | Ace Ventura - Pet Detective 1995 S01E11 The Big Stink 1080p |
Year | 1996 |
Kind | tv |
Language | English |
IMDB ID | 1016412 |
Format | srt |
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(CAR BRAKES SCREECH)
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(THEME SONG PLAYING)
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♪ Ace Ventura ♪
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All righty, then.
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♪ Pet detective on the run ♪
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(CHUCKLES)
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♪ Ace Ventura ♪
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♪ Doesn't even have a gun ♪
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Yes, yes!
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Whoa!
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(SQUEAKING)
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Aah!
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Aah!
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♪ Ace Ventura ♪
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Ace Ventura, pet detective.
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♪ Pet detective on the run ♪
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(CHUCKLES)
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(PANTING)
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Spank you very much, concoctor of frozen confections.
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(SLURPS)
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Oh! Too fast.
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Massive cranial ice effect.
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Hey! Come here, you little rat!
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(PANTING)
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Get the lid off, you lazy mutt!
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What's the matter with you?
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You know, Spike, I don't ordinarily do humans,
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but that guy has got to be stopped.
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(GRUNTS)
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AGUADO: What are you insane, Ventura?
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Genus Canidae, better known as dogs, lack the ability to sweat,
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ergo, a panting tongue indicates overheating and thirst.
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I call that pooch abuse, Aguado.
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(WHISTLING) Here, boy.
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Don't do that, Ace. The crook is getting away.
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Allow me, E.
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Ahhh!
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Gutter ball!
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Oh, wow!
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Nice shot, huh, Aguado.
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Double slush puppy. Yum!
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You know, they taste better if you drink them really, really fast.
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Oh, boy.
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(SLURPS)
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(SCREAMS)
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Oh, my brain.
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Slow, boy. Drink it nice and slow.
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Ace, that guy you just nailed, we chased him all the way from the Harbor.
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We think he's working for Phatteus Lardus, major international smuggler.
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-(BEEPING) -Hmm.
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The beep means someone's pet needs me.
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Say, Timmy, you know what would spruce up the place?
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A ceiling fan, a couple of tiki torches, and a whirlpool.
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The babes will love it.
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TIMMY: But I need a bigger tree house for all that.
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Bingo! Oh!
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You know, Timmy, this is a really bad place to cut one.
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I didn't. Millicent is a skunk.
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Ah, the missing pet that keeps on giving.
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Shall we?
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TIMMY: Millicent is about the best friend I ever had.
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She showed up in my window every night.
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I'd feed her, and then she'd climb inside and sleep with me.
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My mom and dad didn't like her in the house though.
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I'm beginning to smell a motive.
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Uh, that was me.
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I really did cut with that time.
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Oh!
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(SNORING)
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ACE: A moment of your time, please.
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Ace Ventura, pet detective.
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I'm looking for a skunk.
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Look, I admit the smell was hard to take,
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but we wouldn't harm Timmy's pet.
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Show him the bowl, Phil.
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Spanks, but I went earlier.
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She means this.
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We had it specially made for the skunk.
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We planned to give it to Timmy as a birthday present.
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Oh!
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Nighty-night then. Bye-bye now.
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Pet detection is not for the squeamish, Spike.
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You wanna find a skunk, you've got to sniff them out.
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(SNIFFS)
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(SPIKE CHATTERING)
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Nice work, Spike.
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This must be the trap that snared our skull.
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(CHATTERING)
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Gravy!
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A clue.
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A barely visible clump of fibers from a material of unknown origin...
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which tastes exactly like a barely visible clump of fibers
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from a material of unknown origin.
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(CLOCK TICKING)
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(EXPLODES)
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Come on, boss monkey man.
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The scent thickens.
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And this earring may be of some use to us as well.
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Interesting bouquet, rather ripe, pungent, foul even.
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(CHATTERING)
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Sorry, banana boy, didn't know this bush was occupado.
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(CHATTERING)
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Nope, sorry, not packing any TP.
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(CHATTERING)
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Change of five for five ones? Can do.
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Spike, what we need is a professional nose.
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(CHATTERING)
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And I knows where to get one.
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No, no way. No can do. All the canines are slated for harbor patrol anyway.
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Oh, sure.
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Let's use the police dogs for all the things you wanna do.
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This is no joke, Ace.
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We're trying to bust that smuggler I told you about,
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Phatteus Lardus. He's never been caught 'cause nobody's ever seen him.
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-At least, nobody's ever lived to talk about it. -(DOOR OPENS)
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Ah, Lieutenant Hornbuckle, sir.
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Your paperwork was an hour late, Detective, and I found two typos.
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Redo it. All of it.
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ACE: Knickers in a nut.
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Who is this?
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Ah, he's...
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The name's Dover. Ben Dover.
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I don't like my officers socializing on the job.
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I catch him hanging around here again, it goes on your record.
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I didn't know you had a record, E.
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Is it available on CD or cassette?
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Can I sing back up next time?
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Shh.
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Maybe play the chorus.
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(MUMBLING)
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What's the noise all about?
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Noise? What noise?
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Hmm!
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No strength. Can't stop.
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Bongo, baby.
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Huh! Oh, all right, Ace.
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One dog, one hour, zero trouble.
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Spank you.
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(GATE OPENS)
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Here, take Murphy, and remember,
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a police dog goes crazy when he picks up a scent.
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Item, one skunk-scented pillowcase belonging to Timmy.
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Take a long hard whiff, Murph.
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Ace, get away from the station before Hornbuckle sees you two together.
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Not to worry, E.
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I'm as good as...
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(SCREAMS)
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Sorry.
149
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(BARKING)
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I smell it too, boy.
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Ooh, could be an inside job.
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Aguado's locker. Hmm, I never did trust those beady eyes of his.
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And I see something black, and fuzzy, and stinky.
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Hey!
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(CLEARS THROAT)
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Evening, Lieutenant.
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ACE: You sound terrific, sir.
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Thank you. What?
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I'm keeping my eye on you, Detective.
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Black, fuzzy, stinky.
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Unfortunately, it's not our skunk, but an amazing simulation.
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Aguado's socks.
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So Millicent left the trail through the dark pretty Miami streets.
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The question is, who would want to steal a skunk and why?
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Somebody doesn't want us to find Timmy's skunk.
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You saved our lives, boy. What tipped you off?
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(SNIFFING)
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All righty then.
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Murphy, seek him.
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(ACE SCREAMING)
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I say, whoa, boy.
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(GROWLING)
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"Fragrance competition tonight."
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Either our assailant cleverly ducked into this perfumed palace
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to throw off your sense of smell,
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or old, stinky, wrinkled lady named Atrocia Odora is behind this.
178
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And now for the judging of the final two fragrances,
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Ode To Odora, and Beautiful No. 5.
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(SNIFFS)
181
00:10:19,766 --> 00:10:24,771
Hmm, Beautiful No. 5 has a pleasing aroma of citrus flowers
182
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with just a hint of oat.
183
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Ooh!
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(SNIFFS)
185
00:10:29,143 --> 00:10:33,614
Hmm, while I find Ode To Odora to possess a fragrance of...
186
00:10:33,648 --> 00:10:38,921
ACE: My bathroom after I ate a really foul fish tamale,
187
00:10:38,954 --> 00:10:42,558
I bought off a roach-coach downtown. Am I right?
188
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For those of you who don't know, this is Ace Ventura.
189
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He's a pet detective.
190
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(ALL LAUGHING)
191
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(MOCKINGLY LAUGHS)
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That's right. I'm a pet detective,
193
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and what I've detected is that Atrocia Odora
194
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is a pun, scum-sucking, skunk napper.
195
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Ooh!
196
00:11:04,348 --> 00:11:07,785
What would I possibly want with a skunk?
197
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Your main competitor, Coco Ghost, maker of Beautiful No. 5
198
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is cutting in to your business because her perfume smells good
199
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while yours smells like something you want to scrape off your shoe,
200
00:11:17,128 --> 00:11:19,531
but if you could find a way to extract the scent from a skunk,
201
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you could tamper with Coco's product
202
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and drive them out of business.
203
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Dang! I'm good. Always right.
204
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Oh, yeah. Uh-huh. Kick. Kick. Left. Right. Lift it.
205
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Feel the thing.
206
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That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
207
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Summon the police.
208
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Good! Then they can haul your sorry wrinkled butt downtown.
209
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For you see, this earring was found at the scene of the crime,
210
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and I'll bet you're wearing a matching one.
211
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My ears aren't even pierced.
212
00:11:51,966 --> 00:11:54,702
But how do you explain this?
213
00:11:55,169 --> 00:11:56,938
What is it?
214
00:11:58,373 --> 00:12:00,842
What is it? What is it?
215
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Well, if you don't know, I'm not gonna tell you.
216
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Face it, pet dick, I'm totally and completely innocent of your absurd accusations.
217
00:12:09,485 --> 00:12:13,055
Hmm, maybe I was wrong about Odora,
218
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but Ace Ventura, master of disguise has got to know for sure.
219
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Evening!
220
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These undercover cops are getting more creative every day.
221
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(BEEPING)
222
00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:40,852
Easter Bunny log starting 20:26,
223
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I've entered the lab, Miami quadrant,
224
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and I'm proceeding with the analysis of mystery fabric.
225
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Ace, are you crazy?
226
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Do I look crazy?
227
00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:54,600
You got to get out of here. If Hornbuckle sees you...
228
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He'll never make the connection.
229
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That's why I'm here incognito.
230
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Forget it! Out!
231
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You know, Emilio, there's a little boy named Timmy
232
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crying himself to sleep tonight
233
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because his pet skunk is gone.
234
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Kind of reminds me of the story of old yeller.
235
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Old yeller?
236
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(CRYING)
237
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Okay. Okay.
238
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Look, do what you got to do, just make it quick.
239
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As a bunny.
240
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The mystery fibers have been identified
241
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as packaging material used in certain middle European shipping crates.
242
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Shipping crates?
243
00:13:33,843 --> 00:13:36,378
Who are you talking to, Detective?
244
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Ah, no one, sir.
245
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No one, huh?
246
00:13:44,821 --> 00:13:46,490
And who is this?
247
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I am the egg man, goo goo g'joob.
248
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This is the last straw.
249
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You're suspended.
250
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Hmm, a packaging material used in mid-European shipping crates.
251
00:14:06,578 --> 00:14:10,149
Now, where would you find shipping crates?
252
00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:11,583
As in what you'd find down
253
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at the H-A-R-B-O-R, harbor.
254
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Go harbor!
255
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:24,197
No. Hornbuckle is patrolling the harbor looking for Phatteus Lardus.
256
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We're not going, and there's nothing you can say
257
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to change my mind.
258
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You just had to go and bring up old yeller, didn't you?
259
00:14:41,515 --> 00:14:44,286
My nose hairs are tingling.
260
00:14:44,319 --> 00:14:46,988
No kidding! This is Miami harbor.
261
00:14:47,022 --> 00:14:50,792
There's 80 million tons of raw sewage floating around out there.
262
00:14:50,826 --> 00:14:53,061
(SNIFFS)
263
00:14:53,094 --> 00:14:55,698
You got to be more discriminating, E.
264
00:14:55,731 --> 00:14:58,501
What I'm smelling is skunk.
265
00:15:04,740 --> 00:15:08,478
Or maybe I'm smelling a rat.
266
00:15:08,512 --> 00:15:11,448
Easy, Ace. Hornbuckle is on harbor duty.
267
00:15:11,481 --> 00:15:13,884
He's supposed to be here, remember?
268
00:15:13,917 --> 00:15:16,253
I'm sorry? I wasn't listening.
269
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:19,591
Ace! Oh, man.
270
00:15:29,868 --> 00:15:31,036
Hi-ya!
271
00:15:45,118 --> 00:15:49,356
Hey, you're the tight knickers guy from the precinct.
272
00:15:49,389 --> 00:15:51,992
Imagine seeing you here.
273
00:15:52,025 --> 00:15:53,260
Weird.
274
00:15:53,293 --> 00:15:55,396
What are you doing here, Dover?
275
00:15:55,429 --> 00:15:58,099
Or should I call you bunny ears?
276
00:15:58,132 --> 00:15:59,400
(LAUGHS)
277
00:15:59,433 --> 00:16:02,937
-Think fast. -This is a restricted area. Off-limits.
278
00:16:02,970 --> 00:16:06,974
What's the matter? Scared of what I'll find, skunk napper?
279
00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:10,612
-Gee, I guess this isn't an earring after all. -What?
280
00:16:10,646 --> 00:16:13,882
It's a cufflink, your missing cufflink.
281
00:16:13,916 --> 00:16:16,885
Which links you to the crime scene.
282
00:16:16,919 --> 00:16:19,255
Go on. You may worship me.
283
00:16:19,289 --> 00:16:21,391
Okay. I stole the skunk. So what?
284
00:16:21,424 --> 00:16:26,062
You think anyone will take the word of a pet detective against the police lieutenant?
285
00:16:26,095 --> 00:16:30,500
No, but how about a monkey and a cop?
286
00:16:30,533 --> 00:16:31,735
(GASPS)
287
00:16:36,206 --> 00:16:37,808
I knew I smelled skunk.
288
00:16:37,841 --> 00:16:42,479
You smelled it. Knew-hu-hu-hew it.
289
00:16:42,513 --> 00:16:45,650
You know that infamous smuggler guy you've been telling me about?
290
00:16:45,684 --> 00:16:46,952
Phatteus Lardus?
291
00:16:46,985 --> 00:16:48,987
Hornbuckle is not out to bust him.
292
00:16:49,020 --> 00:16:51,156
Hornbuckle is working for him.
293
00:16:51,189 --> 00:16:52,357
What?
294
00:16:52,390 --> 00:16:54,993
But he's not really my friend.
295
00:16:55,026 --> 00:16:56,395
Wait for it!
296
00:16:56,429 --> 00:16:58,764
(INHALES DEEPLY)
297
00:16:58,798 --> 00:17:00,700
Your smuggler guy needs access to the harbor,
298
00:17:00,733 --> 00:17:02,168
but the place is crawling with canines.
299
00:17:02,201 --> 00:17:03,803
That's okay because Hornbuckle is on smuggler guy's payroll.
300
00:17:03,836 --> 00:17:05,471
Explains how he affords a fancy gold cufflinks,
301
00:17:05,504 --> 00:17:08,175
but dogs are hard to crop, so Hornbuckle stinks up the smuggled goods
302
00:17:08,208 --> 00:17:10,944
with skunk scents to throw the dogs off the scent.
303
00:17:10,978 --> 00:17:12,679
(INHALES)
304
00:17:12,713 --> 00:17:15,015
But Hornbuckle made just one mistake.
305
00:17:15,048 --> 00:17:18,952
He messed with the wrong skunk when he skunk-napped someone's pet.
306
00:17:19,686 --> 00:17:21,723
And now he's got to dance with me.
307
00:17:21,756 --> 00:17:25,760
Yes! Yes, I'm good! Feel it I'm good!
308
00:17:25,793 --> 00:17:28,196
Feel it, baby, yes! Yes!
309
00:17:28,229 --> 00:17:32,534
Very impressive, Mr. Ventura. If I'd known you were so clever,
310
00:17:32,568 --> 00:17:37,473
I'd have instructed Klaus to drop a bigger ton of bricks on you. (LAUGHS)
311
00:17:37,506 --> 00:17:40,109
(HISSING)
312
00:17:41,243 --> 00:17:43,312
Gee, let me guess.
313
00:17:43,345 --> 00:17:46,816
You must be Phatteus Lardus.
314
00:17:46,850 --> 00:17:48,785
You're cunning. (LAUGHS)
315
00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,086
I like that in a man.
316
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:52,722
You're overweight. Well, I find that a turn-off.
317
00:17:52,756 --> 00:17:55,025
Work for me, Mr. Ventura.
318
00:17:55,058 --> 00:17:59,096
Very tempting, lard boy, but I live by three rules.
319
00:17:59,130 --> 00:18:00,131
Don't eat meat.
320
00:18:00,164 --> 00:18:02,600
Use a pint of styling gel per square inch of hair,
321
00:18:02,633 --> 00:18:08,674
and never, never ever accept blood money from fat men in fezzes.
322
00:18:08,707 --> 00:18:10,776
Now, I'll just take the skunks
323
00:18:10,809 --> 00:18:12,778
and leave you to the one honest cop in this room...
324
00:18:12,811 --> 00:18:14,446
(SIREN WAILING)
325
00:18:14,479 --> 00:18:16,548
...and the rest of the Miami PD.
326
00:18:16,581 --> 00:18:19,384
Why? Because your hoity toity, big shot,
327
00:18:19,418 --> 00:18:22,855
self-important human international smuggling crimes
328
00:18:22,889 --> 00:18:24,991
don't concern me.
329
00:18:25,024 --> 00:18:26,192
Oh?
330
00:18:26,225 --> 00:18:29,362
You might be interested in what I've been smuggling.
331
00:18:31,597 --> 00:18:33,133
Wall hangings, doormats,
332
00:18:33,167 --> 00:18:35,903
fireplace rugs of every shape, size, and color
333
00:18:35,936 --> 00:18:37,471
with only one requirement,
334
00:18:37,504 --> 00:18:41,875
that they be cut from the hides of endangered animals.
335
00:18:41,909 --> 00:18:44,912
Fat man, you're going down.
336
00:18:51,152 --> 00:18:52,987
Ahhh!
337
00:18:54,989 --> 00:18:56,257
Klaus.
338
00:18:56,925 --> 00:18:59,895
-Yikes! -Oh!
339
00:18:59,929 --> 00:19:03,666
Ooh! I'd give that nasty monkey a spanking,
340
00:19:03,699 --> 00:19:07,236
but it's contrary to pet detective code for me to harm animals.
341
00:19:07,269 --> 00:19:10,807
Spike, tear his fur off.
342
00:19:13,610 --> 00:19:16,413
(BOTH SCREAMING)
343
00:19:21,853 --> 00:19:26,057
Bubba, nobody messes with the do.
344
00:19:27,892 --> 00:19:30,928
Whoa! Rewind.
345
00:19:31,596 --> 00:19:35,000
(MUMBLING)
346
00:19:37,402 --> 00:19:38,570
Hi-ya!
347
00:19:40,539 --> 00:19:45,144
Just a little trick I learned from a Peruvian lion tamer named Cervantes.
348
00:19:45,177 --> 00:19:48,381
Allow me to show you a trick of my own.
349
00:19:48,414 --> 00:19:50,183
Whoa!
350
00:19:56,089 --> 00:19:57,891
Not so fast, Lieutenant.
351
00:20:02,730 --> 00:20:04,865
(BOTH GRUNTING)
352
00:20:04,899 --> 00:20:08,469
Yip, yip, yip, yee-ha.
353
00:20:09,770 --> 00:20:11,873
Are you quite the fool, Mr. Ventura?
354
00:20:11,907 --> 00:20:13,875
Just about. Thanks for asking.
355
00:20:15,811 --> 00:20:18,613
Up your nose with a leaner hose.
356
00:20:21,883 --> 00:20:25,154
That's it. Fill those lungs, big boy.
357
00:20:25,521 --> 00:20:29,091
(COUGHING)
358
00:20:29,125 --> 00:20:31,861
The surgeon general warns that inhaling Aguado's socks
359
00:20:31,894 --> 00:20:33,963
may be hazardous to your health.
360
00:20:35,032 --> 00:20:37,968
(BOTH GRUNTING)
361
00:20:45,509 --> 00:20:46,978
(SCREAMS)
362
00:20:48,446 --> 00:20:51,249
(HOOTING)
363
00:20:53,952 --> 00:20:56,287
You will regret that.
364
00:20:57,889 --> 00:21:02,828
One more move and I'll serve up a potpourri you won't soon forget.
365
00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:04,730
(LAUGHS)
366
00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:10,236
Mr. Ventura, you of all people should know skunks only spray when they are scared.
367
00:21:12,239 --> 00:21:14,140
Roar!
368
00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:16,843
Ahhh!
369
00:21:16,876 --> 00:21:20,480
Huh? No!
370
00:21:20,513 --> 00:21:22,415
No!
371
00:21:22,449 --> 00:21:23,484
KLAUS: Ahhh!
372
00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:28,089
Bet he doesn't realize he just leapt
373
00:21:28,122 --> 00:21:31,359
into 80 million tons of raw sewage.
374
00:21:31,392 --> 00:21:32,994
Gravy!
375
00:21:33,027 --> 00:21:35,062
Book him, Emilio.
376
00:21:40,135 --> 00:21:45,140
TIMMY: Bringing Millicent home was the best birthday present ever, Ace.
377
00:21:45,173 --> 00:21:47,677
I wasn't able to positively ID her, Timmy,
378
00:21:47,710 --> 00:21:50,480
so you're gonna have to pick her out of the old lineup.
379
00:21:50,513 --> 00:21:51,981
You know what?
380
00:21:52,015 --> 00:21:54,183
I'm gonna keep them all.
381
00:21:54,217 --> 00:21:57,220
Won't that be a bit stinky?
382
00:21:57,253 --> 00:22:00,991
Nah! Skunks only spray when they're scared.
383
00:22:01,025 --> 00:22:02,660
-Surprise! -(SCREAMS)
384
00:22:02,693 --> 00:22:05,729
(ALL SCREAM)
385
00:22:08,832 --> 00:22:11,970
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
385
00:22:12,305 --> 00:23:12,633
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