"My 600-lb Life" Chay and Pauline

1 00:00:05,700 --> 00:00:08,900 Marla: I CAN'T EVEN BATHE MYSELF. 2 00:00:08,900 --> 00:00:11,233 MY KIDS HAVE TO DO THAT FOR ME. 3 00:00:11,233 --> 00:00:14,067 Charity: I FEEL LIKE SOME MONSTER. 4 00:00:14,067 --> 00:00:18,667 Woman: I'VE BEEN HIDING FROM THE WORLD, JUST WAITING TO DIE. 5 00:00:18,667 --> 00:00:19,833 Pauline: [ Voice breaking ] I AM ABSOLUTELY TRAPPED 6 00:00:19,833 --> 00:00:21,167 IN THIS BODY, 7 00:00:21,167 --> 00:00:22,867 AND I FEEL LIKE I'M DYING EVERY DAY. 8 00:00:24,967 --> 00:00:26,833 Susan: I'M TERRIFIED RIGHT NOW. 9 00:00:26,833 --> 00:00:30,533 THIS IS MY LAST HOPE TO BECOME NORMAL. 10 00:00:30,533 --> 00:00:31,700 Madison: I NEED MY MOM. 11 00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:33,200 I NEED HER TO BE HERE FOR ME. 12 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:36,267 ** 13 00:00:42,833 --> 00:00:44,567 Man: 10 SECONDS NOW. 14 00:00:44,567 --> 00:00:45,733 HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT. 15 00:00:45,733 --> 00:00:47,300 [ SIGHS ] GOOD JOB. 16 00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:49,000 Christina: I HAD TO MAKE A CHOICE 17 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:50,900 TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. 18 00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:53,767 Joe: I REFUSE TO LET THEM BURY ME. 19 00:00:57,567 --> 00:01:02,100 Chay: I AM NOW EXPRESSING MYSELF AND LIVING MY OWN TRUTH. 20 00:01:02,100 --> 00:01:05,067 Olivia: I LOST THE WEIGHT, BUT I GAINED MY FAMILY. 21 00:01:05,067 --> 00:01:08,233 Zsalynn: LIFE IS AMAZING NOW. I'M REALLY PROUD OF MYSELF. 22 00:01:11,533 --> 00:01:13,867 Pauline: I'M STARTING TO SEE HOW I CAN DO THIS. 23 00:01:13,867 --> 00:01:15,433 Chay: THIS IS WHO I AM. 24 00:01:15,433 --> 00:01:17,300 -- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com 25 00:01:17,300 --> 00:01:18,800 CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS 26 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:22,300 Pauline: I AM ABSOLUTELY TRAPPED IN THIS BODY. 27 00:01:22,300 --> 00:01:25,833 I LET MYSELF GET WAY OUT OF CONTROL. 28 00:01:25,833 --> 00:01:28,933 AND I FEEL LIKE I'M DYING EVERY DAY. 29 00:01:32,567 --> 00:01:36,533 I CAN'T EVEN MOVE WITHOUT HELP. 30 00:01:36,533 --> 00:01:38,567 AND HAVING MY SON TAKE CARE OF ME IS 31 00:01:38,567 --> 00:01:41,467 ONE OF THE WORST THINGS EVER. 32 00:01:41,467 --> 00:01:45,567 I TOTALLY FEEL LIKE HE'S THE PARENT AND I'M THE KID. 33 00:01:45,567 --> 00:01:47,267 I GOT TO GET THIS UNDER CONTROL. 34 00:01:47,267 --> 00:01:49,100 [ GRUNTS ] 35 00:01:53,067 --> 00:01:55,767 Pauline: DILLON IS THE REASON WHY I'M DOING THIS. 36 00:01:55,767 --> 00:01:59,367 I'M SO TIRED OF BURDENING HIM TO HELP ME. 37 00:01:59,367 --> 00:02:02,767 Dr. Nowzaradan: THIS IS PAULINE'S LAST OPPORTUNITY 38 00:02:02,767 --> 00:02:04,400 TO TURN HER LIFE AROUND. 39 00:02:07,467 --> 00:02:10,367 Pauline: I'M EATING SOME THINGS I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO, 40 00:02:10,367 --> 00:02:12,800 BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M MAKING THE PROGRESS I WANT. 41 00:02:17,133 --> 00:02:18,667 WHAT'S THE MATTER? 42 00:02:18,667 --> 00:02:20,600 THE WAY THAT YOU'RE SITTING HERE AFTER SURGERY, 43 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:24,133 AND YOU WANT TO ROLL WITH THIS THING INSTEAD OF WALKING? 44 00:02:24,133 --> 00:02:26,800 I CAN'T WALK THAT FAR WITHOUT GETTING DIZZY. 45 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:29,533 DO YOU REALIZE THE ONLY WEIGHT YOU HAVE LOST 46 00:02:29,533 --> 00:02:32,100 HAS BEEN WHEN WE PUT YOU IN HOSPITAL? 47 00:02:32,100 --> 00:02:34,500 THIS IS NOT WORKING FOR YOU. 48 00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:36,200 THIS IS BULL[BLEEP] 49 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,100 THERE'S NOT MUCH I CAN DO FOR YOU 50 00:02:38,100 --> 00:02:40,633 UNLESS YOU START TAKING RESPONSIBILITY 51 00:02:40,633 --> 00:02:42,300 FOR YOUR SITUATION. 52 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:50,074 Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE www.osdb.link/lm 53 00:02:58,067 --> 00:03:00,567 IT'S BEEN A YEAR SINCE I MOVED TO HOUSTON 54 00:03:00,567 --> 00:03:02,500 AND STARTED MY WEIGHT-LOSS JOURNEY. 55 00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:05,667 AND I FEEL LIKE MY LIFE CURRENTLY STILL IS 56 00:03:05,667 --> 00:03:07,400 A WORK IN PROGRESS. 57 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,367 THE FIRST YEAR WAS TOUGH, 58 00:03:09,367 --> 00:03:11,667 BUT I WAS DOWN TO 529 59 00:03:11,667 --> 00:03:14,900 FROM 677 POUNDS. 60 00:03:14,900 --> 00:03:18,233 I'M SURE DR. NOW DIDN'T THINK THAT THAT WAS GREAT PROGRESS, 61 00:03:18,233 --> 00:03:21,533 BUT I FEEL LIKE LOSING 148 POUNDS IN A YEAR 62 00:03:21,533 --> 00:03:23,600 WAS PRETTY GOOD. 63 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:26,067 BUT HE FELT LIKE I WASN'T DOING ENOUGH 64 00:03:26,067 --> 00:03:28,333 OR WALKING AS MUCH AS I SHOULD. 65 00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:32,200 BUT I CAN DEFINITELY GET AROUND A LOT BETTER THAN I USED TO, 66 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:34,700 AND, UH -- AND IT FEELS GOOD. 67 00:03:36,733 --> 00:03:38,533 YES. 68 00:03:38,533 --> 00:03:41,400 BUT I HEAR SOME OF WHAT THE DOCTOR'S SAYING, 69 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:45,833 SO I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET UP AND STAY AS ACTIVE AS POSSIBLE. 70 00:03:45,833 --> 00:03:48,767 I STILL NEED TO SIT DOWN A LOT, THOUGH. 71 00:03:48,767 --> 00:03:50,867 BECAUSE I HAVE BAD KNEE PAIN, 72 00:03:50,867 --> 00:03:54,400 THE PAIN DOESN'T GO AWAY, AND IT COMES BACK EVERY DAY. 73 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:57,733 AND SO I CAN'T BE REALLY ACTIVE YET. 74 00:03:57,733 --> 00:03:59,667 AND I STILL NEED TO RELY ON DILLON 75 00:03:59,667 --> 00:04:01,600 TO HELP ME WITH QUITE A FEW THINGS, 76 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:05,433 SO HE STILL LIVES WITH ME HERE AND HELPS TAKE CARE OF ME. 77 00:04:05,433 --> 00:04:07,800 BUT MY GOAL HAS BEEN TO GET HEALTHY ENOUGH 78 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:10,167 SO THAT HE CAN START LIVING ON HIS OWN. 79 00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:13,267 SO I TRY TO DO AS MUCH FOR MYSELF AS I POSSIBLY CAN, 80 00:04:13,267 --> 00:04:17,067 BECAUSE BEFORE DILLON HAD TO DO EVERY SINGLE THING. 81 00:04:17,067 --> 00:04:19,133 SEE THESE TONGS, HONEY? 82 00:04:19,133 --> 00:04:21,500 WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS I WANT YOU TO USE THE TONGS 83 00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:22,767 AND TAKE THE TOP ONE OFF 84 00:04:22,767 --> 00:04:24,333 AND GET ME THE BOTTOM UNDERNEATH, 85 00:04:24,333 --> 00:04:26,067 'CAUSE IT'LL BE FRESHER. 86 00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:29,933 Pauline: BUT I STILL WANT TO LOSE MORE WEIGHT 87 00:04:29,933 --> 00:04:32,267 SO I CAN GET MY SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY. 88 00:04:32,267 --> 00:04:34,300 SALAD'S READY, HONEY. 89 00:04:34,300 --> 00:04:37,067 Pauline: AND I'M REALLY TRYING TO EAT CLEAN -- 90 00:04:37,067 --> 00:04:39,067 A LOT OF PROTEIN, FRUITS, AND VEGETABLES. 91 00:04:39,067 --> 00:04:41,433 OKAY, CARRY THIS IN FOR ME, PLEASE. 92 00:04:41,433 --> 00:04:43,567 THERE'S YOURS. 93 00:04:43,567 --> 00:04:45,200 OKAY. 94 00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:50,967 Pauline: I'VE BEEN MANAGING MY DIET WELL, 95 00:04:50,967 --> 00:04:52,800 BUT I KNOW I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT SALAD 96 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:55,600 BECAUSE IT FILLS ME UP AND IT DOESN'T LEAVE ANY ROOM 97 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,300 FOR PROTEIN OR ANYTHING NUTRITIOUS 98 00:04:57,300 --> 00:04:59,700 BECAUSE MY STOMACH IS SO SMALL. 99 00:05:02,867 --> 00:05:05,633 I JUST DON'T HAVE MUCH OF AN APPETITE RIGHT NOW. 100 00:05:05,633 --> 00:05:07,067 SEE WHAT DILL HAS. 101 00:05:07,067 --> 00:05:10,833 AND I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO KEEP ANYTHING DOWN. 102 00:05:10,833 --> 00:05:12,733 BUT WITH MY LOSS OF APPETITE, 103 00:05:12,733 --> 00:05:14,833 I KNOW I'M LOSING A LOT OF WEIGHT. 104 00:05:14,833 --> 00:05:18,067 AND I'M REALLY HAPPY ABOUT ALL THE PROGRESS I'M MAKING. 105 00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:23,067 I JUST WANT TO START LIVING MY LIFE AND LET DILLON LIVE HIS. 106 00:05:23,067 --> 00:05:27,100 SO I'M GOING TO KEEP PUSHING MYSELF HARD TO MAKE PROGRESS. 107 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,867 TODAY, I'M GOING TO SEE DR. NOWZARADAN AGAIN 108 00:05:36,867 --> 00:05:39,067 FOR A FOLLOW-UP APPOINTMENT. 109 00:05:39,067 --> 00:05:40,667 AND I'M HOPING I'VE LOST 110 00:05:40,667 --> 00:05:43,967 AT LEAST ANOTHER 30 POUNDS THIS MONTH. 111 00:05:43,967 --> 00:05:45,133 [ CLATTER ] 112 00:05:45,133 --> 00:05:47,867 OH. SORRY, HONEY. 113 00:05:47,867 --> 00:05:49,667 Pauline: EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT ABLE TO GET UP MUCH 114 00:05:49,667 --> 00:05:52,633 BECAUSE OF MY KNEE PAIN, I KNOW I'M LOSING WEIGHT 115 00:05:52,633 --> 00:05:54,400 SINCE I BARELY HAVE AN APPETITE 116 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,133 AND DON'T WANT MUCH OF ANYTHING RIGHT NOW. 117 00:05:56,133 --> 00:05:58,467 FOR GOODNESS' SAKES. 118 00:05:58,467 --> 00:05:59,667 [ BREATHES DEEPLY ] 119 00:06:04,633 --> 00:06:06,267 OKAY. 120 00:06:06,267 --> 00:06:08,300 Pauline: I'M PRETTY HAPPY ABOUT THAT. 121 00:06:08,300 --> 00:06:10,433 I'M JUST HOPING TO HEAR THAT HE'S HAPPY 122 00:06:10,433 --> 00:06:13,233 WITH MY PROGRESS SO FAR. 123 00:06:13,233 --> 00:06:16,100 THAT'S ALL I CAN HOPE FOR. 124 00:06:16,100 --> 00:06:17,967 -HELLO. -HI. 125 00:06:17,967 --> 00:06:19,600 HOW ARE YOU TODAY? 126 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:22,067 -GOOD, THANKS. HOW ARE YOU? -ALL RIGHT. 127 00:06:22,067 --> 00:06:26,300 SO, TODAY, YOU'RE DOWN TO 478 POUNDS. 128 00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:28,700 THIS PAST MONTH, YOU LOST 51 POUNDS. 129 00:06:28,700 --> 00:06:29,900 THAT'S GREAT. 130 00:06:29,900 --> 00:06:31,933 YOU STARTED A VERY SLOW PROCESS, 131 00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:35,267 BUT YOU MADE A 180-DEGREE TURNAROUND, 132 00:06:35,267 --> 00:06:37,067 AND YOU'RE DOING GREAT. -THANK YOU. 133 00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:38,233 I'M PROUD OF PAULINE 134 00:06:38,233 --> 00:06:40,300 AND THE PROGRESS SHE'S MAKING NOW. 135 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,467 IT MEANS SHE'S EATING LESS, 136 00:06:42,467 --> 00:06:45,867 BUT I'M CONCERNED ABOUT HER LACK OF ACTIVITY. 137 00:06:45,867 --> 00:06:47,700 AT THIS POINT, THERE IS NO REASON 138 00:06:47,700 --> 00:06:50,533 FOR HER TO CONTINUE USING HER WHEELCHAIR. 139 00:06:50,533 --> 00:06:52,233 Dr. Nowzaradan: HOW IS YOUR EXERCISE? 140 00:06:52,233 --> 00:06:55,233 YOU STILL SEEM TO BE USING YOUR WHEELCHAIR. 141 00:06:55,233 --> 00:06:57,067 WHY IS THAT? -I STILL HAVE KNEE PAIN. 142 00:06:57,067 --> 00:06:59,567 I FEEL LIKE MY KNEES HURT AS BAD OR WORSE 143 00:06:59,567 --> 00:07:01,700 THAN THEY DID WHEN I WAS AT MY HEAVIEST. 144 00:07:01,700 --> 00:07:03,067 LIKE, I THINK, FROM ALL THESE YEARS OF -- 145 00:07:03,067 --> 00:07:06,467 WELL, THAT'S NOT TYPICALLY UNUSUAL. 146 00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:08,467 YOUR KNEES ARE WORN OUT 147 00:07:08,467 --> 00:07:11,333 BECAUSE YOU STILL HAVE A LOT OF WEIGHT TO LOSE. 148 00:07:11,333 --> 00:07:14,533 PAULINE'S THINKS FEELING PAIN WHEN SHE GETS UP 149 00:07:14,533 --> 00:07:18,067 AND MOVES AROUND MEANS THAT MOVING IS A PROBLEM. 150 00:07:18,067 --> 00:07:21,367 HER WEIGHT AND LACK OF MOBILITY IS THE PROBLEM. 151 00:07:21,367 --> 00:07:25,333 THE MORE SHE GETS UP AND MOVES, THE LESS PAIN SHE WILL HAVE. 152 00:07:25,333 --> 00:07:27,767 YOU NEED TO WORK ON GETTING ACTIVE 153 00:07:27,767 --> 00:07:29,700 AND UP AND OUT OF YOUR WHEELCHAIR. 154 00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:33,933 OKAY, I THINK I NEED A REFILL ON MY PAIN PILLS. 155 00:07:33,933 --> 00:07:35,633 THEY ONLY GAVE ME A 30-DAY SUPPLY, THOUGH. 156 00:07:35,633 --> 00:07:37,533 I WISH THEY'D GIVE ME 90 DAYS. 157 00:07:37,533 --> 00:07:40,133 OKAY, PAULINE, I'LL PRESCRIBE SOME PAINKILLERS 158 00:07:40,133 --> 00:07:43,067 TO HELP YOU GET UP AND START MOVING AROUND. 159 00:07:43,067 --> 00:07:45,800 BUT I GIVE YOU 30 DAYS BECAUSE THAT'S ALL YOU NEED 160 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:47,367 TO GET UP AND WALKING. 161 00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:48,633 OKAY. 162 00:07:48,633 --> 00:07:50,433 YOUR GOAL IS TO GET MORE ACTIVE. 163 00:07:50,433 --> 00:07:53,067 IF YOU DO THAT AND LOSE ANOTHER 80 POUNDS, 164 00:07:53,067 --> 00:07:55,667 YOU PROBABLY WILL BE READY FOR SKIN SURGERY. 165 00:07:55,667 --> 00:07:59,367 THANK YOU, DR. NOW. I APPRECIATE YOU. 166 00:07:59,367 --> 00:08:01,100 Pauline: I THINK TODAY WENT WELL. 167 00:08:01,100 --> 00:08:03,700 I AM HAPPY WITH THE PROGRESS THAT I HAVE MADE, 168 00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:08,333 BUT I DON'T THINK THE DOCTOR REALLY UNDERSTANDS MY PAIN. 169 00:08:08,333 --> 00:08:09,567 [ SIGHS ] 170 00:08:09,567 --> 00:08:11,233 I'M GONNA KEEP WORKING HARD 171 00:08:11,233 --> 00:08:14,767 SO THAT I CAN GET SKIN SURGERY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. 172 00:08:14,767 --> 00:08:17,667 SKIN SURGERY WOULD BE THE NEXT BIG STEP 173 00:08:17,667 --> 00:08:19,500 TO GET MY FREEDOM BACK, 174 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:22,967 SO I'M GOING TO LOSE ENOUGH WEIGHT TO QUALIFY FOR THAT. 175 00:08:28,933 --> 00:08:32,433 Chay: I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN. 176 00:08:32,433 --> 00:08:35,067 I HATE MY LIFE, 177 00:08:35,067 --> 00:08:37,500 AND I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY NIGHTS I PRAYED TO GOD 178 00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:40,400 AND ASKED HIM JUST TO TAKE ME. 179 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:43,400 I KNOW IF I KEEP LIVING LIKE THIS, 180 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,633 I'M NOT GONNA BE ALIVE MUCH LONGER. 181 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:53,200 IF I GET THERE AND THE DOCTOR DOESN'T HELP ME, 182 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,700 I'LL BE JUST DEVASTATED. 183 00:08:55,700 --> 00:08:58,567 YOU'RE USING FOOD TO COPE WITH LIFE, 184 00:08:58,567 --> 00:09:00,733 SO I WANT TO SEE YOU TAKE CONTROL 185 00:09:00,733 --> 00:09:04,100 OF YOUR EATING BEFORE WE DO WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY. 186 00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:06,433 I WANT TO GET MY LIFE BACK. 187 00:09:06,433 --> 00:09:09,133 AND I KNOW THIS IS WHERE IT STARTS. 188 00:09:13,833 --> 00:09:17,267 MY GRANDMA HAS BEEN MY BIGGEST SUPPORTER FOR LOSING WEIGHT. 189 00:09:17,267 --> 00:09:18,833 NOW THAT SHE'S GONE, 190 00:09:18,833 --> 00:09:21,800 I JUST DON'T HAVE MUCH DRIVE TO TRY AND DO A LOT. 191 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,067 I WANTED HER TO BE THERE WITH ME. 192 00:09:24,067 --> 00:09:26,600 NOW ALL I HAVE LEFT IS MEMORIES. 193 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,067 I DON'T THINK I CAN DO THIS WITHOUT HER. 194 00:09:29,067 --> 00:09:31,067 FOOD IS THE ONLY THING BRINGING ME 195 00:09:31,067 --> 00:09:32,833 ANY SORT OF COMFORT RIGHT NOW. 196 00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:37,333 IT'S BEEN FIVE MONTHS, AND YOU HAVE LOST ALMOST NO WEIGHT. 197 00:09:37,333 --> 00:09:41,300 HE'S USING STRESS AND EMOTION AS AN EXCUSE TO EAT. 198 00:09:45,733 --> 00:09:49,333 I HAD A MOTHER WHO WAS AN ALCOHOLIC AND A DRUG ADDICT, 199 00:09:49,333 --> 00:09:53,100 SO I JUST BOTTLE IT UP, AND THEN I EAT. 200 00:09:53,100 --> 00:09:56,233 ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT YOU'RE FEELING, AND THEN LET IT OUT. 201 00:09:56,233 --> 00:09:58,100 Chay: I'M GONNA FIGHT FOR THIS. 202 00:09:58,100 --> 00:09:59,900 PERFECT. WE'RE GONNA DO 15. 203 00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,167 YOU DID GREAT. 204 00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:03,767 I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE READY FOR SURGERY. 205 00:10:03,767 --> 00:10:06,467 Dr. Nowzaradan: NOW HE'LL BE ABLE TO EAT MUCH LESS 206 00:10:06,467 --> 00:10:09,667 AND LOSE WEIGHT MUCH MORE RAPIDLY. 207 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:29,933 IT'S BEEN A LITTLE OVER THREE MONTHS 208 00:10:29,933 --> 00:10:32,333 SINCE MY GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY. 209 00:10:32,333 --> 00:10:35,433 AND I FEEL LIKE THINGS ARE GOING WELL. 210 00:10:35,433 --> 00:10:38,500 EVERY DAY, I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER 211 00:10:38,500 --> 00:10:40,133 WHEN BEFORE I WAS STRUGGLING 212 00:10:40,133 --> 00:10:42,667 TO EVEN TAKE CARE OF MY GRANDMOTHER. 213 00:10:42,667 --> 00:10:44,167 Chay: DO YOU FEEL LIKE BREAKFAST? 214 00:10:44,167 --> 00:10:46,300 YEAH, I'M GETTING KIND OF HUNGRY. 215 00:10:47,433 --> 00:10:50,133 OOH! 216 00:10:50,133 --> 00:10:52,733 -GOT IT? -YEAH. 217 00:10:52,733 --> 00:10:57,300 NOW MY BODY MOVES EASIER, THERE'S MORE PEP IN MY STEP, 218 00:10:57,300 --> 00:11:00,633 AND I JUST -- I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER. 219 00:11:00,633 --> 00:11:03,333 AND I CAN DO SO MUCH MORE. 220 00:11:03,333 --> 00:11:05,467 [ CAT FOOD CLATTERS ] 221 00:11:05,467 --> 00:11:07,400 SINCE SURGERY, SOME THINGS ARE DIFFERENT. 222 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,733 I'M LIVING WITH MY UNCLE AND HELPING HIM WITH HIS KIDS 223 00:11:09,733 --> 00:11:13,067 BECAUSE HE TRAVELS FOR WORK. 224 00:11:13,067 --> 00:11:15,633 BUT OVER THE PAST YEAR, I'VE HAD TO DEAL 225 00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:19,300 WITH A LOT OF MY EMOTIONS THAT LED ME TO GO TO FOOD. 226 00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:23,333 AT MY HIGHEST, I WAS 597 POUNDS, 227 00:11:23,333 --> 00:11:26,300 BUT SINCE THEN I'VE LOST 120 POUNDS, 228 00:11:26,300 --> 00:11:28,900 AND I'M DOWN TO AROUND 480. 229 00:11:28,900 --> 00:11:31,900 AND I'M SO PROUD OF ALL MY PROGRESS. 230 00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:34,733 I'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD TO KEEP GOING, 231 00:11:34,733 --> 00:11:36,733 BECAUSE HITTING MY GOALS OVER THE NEXT YEAR IS 232 00:11:36,733 --> 00:11:38,733 SO IMPORTANT TO ME. 233 00:11:38,733 --> 00:11:42,133 AFTER I STARTED MY JOURNEY TO GET WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY, 234 00:11:42,133 --> 00:11:46,367 THE GREATEST EMOTIONAL HURDLE WAS THE DEATH OF MY GRANDMOTHER. 235 00:11:46,367 --> 00:11:48,467 SHE WAS MY WHOLE WORLD, 236 00:11:48,467 --> 00:11:51,733 AND TO LOSE HER WAS SUCH A HUGE BLOW. 237 00:11:51,733 --> 00:11:54,867 SHE WILL BE SO GREATLY MISSED BY ALL WHO KNEW HER. 238 00:11:54,867 --> 00:11:59,067 OUR HEARTS ARE BROKEN, AND OUR SOULS FULL OF SORROW. 239 00:11:59,067 --> 00:12:02,200 IT'S STILL NOT, YOU KNOW, EASY, 240 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,433 BUT I THINK SHE'D BE PROUD IF SHE KNEW 241 00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:06,333 HOW FAR I'D COME AND SHE WAS HERE. 242 00:12:08,067 --> 00:12:10,100 BUT I KNOW I HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO, 243 00:12:10,100 --> 00:12:12,200 AND I'M WORKING ON THAT. 244 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,700 BUT IT'S STILL HARD. [ MICROWAVE BEEPS ] 245 00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:17,200 I FEEL LIKE I'M STILL LOSING WEIGHT, 246 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,600 BUT THE CRAVINGS HAVE STARTED TO COME BACK SOME, 247 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:21,400 AND IT'S BEEN A STRUGGLE SOME DAYS 248 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:24,067 TO STILL STICK TO MY DIET. 249 00:12:24,067 --> 00:12:27,067 AND I HAVE DAYS WHERE I DON'T MAKE THE BEST CHOICES 250 00:12:27,067 --> 00:12:28,800 ON WHAT I SHOULD EAT. 251 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:32,467 BUT I STILL HAVE MORE GOOD DAYS THAN BAD OVERALL, 252 00:12:32,467 --> 00:12:35,900 AND MY BAD CHOICES ARE OUTSHINED BY MY GOOD ONES. 253 00:12:35,900 --> 00:12:38,900 BUT I KNOW ON THE DAYS I STRUGGLE WITH MY CRAVINGS 254 00:12:38,900 --> 00:12:42,800 THE ROOT OF IT IS THE STRUGGLE WITH MY EMOTIONS. 255 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:46,467 I FEEL LIKE, FOR SO LONG, I'VE LIVED A LIE. 256 00:12:46,467 --> 00:12:48,767 I WAS TRAPPED IN A 600-POUND BODY, 257 00:12:48,767 --> 00:12:51,600 AND NOW I'VE STARTED TO BELIEVE I CAN DO THIS. 258 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:55,133 AND ONCE I LOSE THE WEIGHT, IT WILL BE POSSIBLE FOR ME 259 00:12:55,133 --> 00:12:57,900 TO BE THE PERSON I'VE ALWAYS IDENTIFIED AS, 260 00:12:57,900 --> 00:13:01,133 AND THAT PERSON IS A WOMAN. 261 00:13:01,133 --> 00:13:04,600 I'VE BEEN LIVING A LIE FOR SO LONG, 262 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:07,467 BUT I CAN'T HIDE THIS ANY LONGER. 263 00:13:07,467 --> 00:13:10,467 AND I FEEL LIKE THAT HAS BEEN AT THE ROOT OF ALL MY EATING 264 00:13:10,467 --> 00:13:12,867 FOR SO MANY YEARS, BECAUSE I HAVEN'T KNOWN 265 00:13:12,867 --> 00:13:16,067 HOW TO DEAL WITH THE EMOTIONS OF THIS. 266 00:13:16,067 --> 00:13:19,433 THERE'S NO ONE I CAN TALK TO ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THIS, 267 00:13:19,433 --> 00:13:23,633 AND I FELT ASHAMED ABOUT IT AND LIKE I HAVE TO HIDE. 268 00:13:23,633 --> 00:13:27,367 BUT I KNOW I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS ANY LONGER. 269 00:13:27,367 --> 00:13:32,433 SO MY GOAL NOW IS TO PURSUE GENDER REASSIGNMENT SURGERY. 270 00:13:32,433 --> 00:13:35,267 I KNOW THAT MEANS I HAVE TO KEEP LOSING WEIGHT 271 00:13:35,267 --> 00:13:40,600 AND THAT I'M GOING TO HAVE TO COME OUT TO MY FAMILY. 272 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:42,967 AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE IT, 273 00:13:42,967 --> 00:13:44,700 ESPECIALLY MY AUNT AND UNCLE, 274 00:13:44,700 --> 00:13:47,300 BECAUSE I KNOW THEY'RE VERY CONSERVATIVE. 275 00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:50,633 I KEEP THINKING OF THE WORST-CASE SCENARIOS WITH THEM, 276 00:13:50,633 --> 00:13:53,200 AND IT MAKES ME REALLY SCARED. 277 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,967 BUT I SEE THE DOCTOR IN A MONTH TO FIND OUT 278 00:13:54,967 --> 00:13:57,833 HOW MUCH PROGRESS I'VE MADE AND WHAT IT'S GOING TO TAKE 279 00:13:57,833 --> 00:14:01,867 FOR ME TO GET READY TO MAKE THIS CHANGE AND STOP LIVING A LIE. 280 00:14:01,867 --> 00:14:04,433 IT'S REALLY SCARY TO THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING 281 00:14:04,433 --> 00:14:07,333 I'M GOING TO TRY TO ACHIEVE THIS YEAR. 282 00:14:07,333 --> 00:14:09,400 BUT I'M READY TO GO THROUGH THE FIRE 283 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,433 IF IT MEANS I CAN COME OUT THE OTHER END 284 00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:15,967 WITH THE LIFE I'VE ALWAYS WANTED FOR MYSELF. 285 00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:33,900 OH, GOD, MY LEG'S THROBBING SO MUCH. 286 00:14:33,900 --> 00:14:35,667 WE'RE HERE AT THE I.C.U., 287 00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:38,133 AND MY MOM IS IN A LOT OF PAIN. 288 00:14:38,133 --> 00:14:40,067 SHE GOT UP TO GO TO THE BATHROOM, 289 00:14:40,067 --> 00:14:42,633 AND SHE STARTED SAYING THAT HER LEFT LEG 290 00:14:42,633 --> 00:14:44,167 AND HER LEFT ARM WAS NUMB. 291 00:14:44,167 --> 00:14:45,567 IT STARTED TURNING PURPLE, 292 00:14:45,567 --> 00:14:49,167 SO WE CALLED 911 TO GET HER TO THE HOSPITAL. 293 00:14:49,167 --> 00:14:50,800 WE DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON RIGHT NOW, 294 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,533 AND I HEARD SOMEBODY SAY THAT SHE HAS AN INFECTION, 295 00:14:53,533 --> 00:14:55,900 OR IT COULD BE A STROKE, BUT THEY'RE NOT SURE. 296 00:14:58,533 --> 00:15:00,767 Pauline: I'M REALLY SCARED RIGHT NOW. 297 00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:04,300 AND I WANT TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE DIAGNOSIS IS. 298 00:15:04,300 --> 00:15:08,100 I WANT THE PHYSICAL PAIN TO STOP. 299 00:15:08,100 --> 00:15:10,567 Dr. Nowzaradan: PAULINE'S CONDITION IS NOT GOOD, 300 00:15:10,567 --> 00:15:12,967 AND IT SEEMS TO BE GETTING WORSE. 301 00:15:12,967 --> 00:15:17,300 CAN I TAKE A LOOK AT PAULINE'S X-RAY? 302 00:15:17,300 --> 00:15:20,633 Dr. Nowzaradan: PRELIMINARY TESTS SHOW THAT SHE IS SEPTIC. 303 00:15:22,967 --> 00:15:24,733 AND THAT CAN BE VERY DANGEROUS 304 00:15:24,733 --> 00:15:27,267 AND EVEN, IN SOME CASES, FATAL. 305 00:15:27,267 --> 00:15:29,733 SHE'S GOT SOME FLUID IN THE RIGHT LUNG 306 00:15:29,733 --> 00:15:32,300 AND A BIT OF ENLARGED HEART. 307 00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:35,767 SO WE NEED TO FIND OUT WHAT THE CAUSE IS FAST. 308 00:15:35,767 --> 00:15:37,600 [ GROANING ] 309 00:15:46,567 --> 00:15:49,133 Dillon: IT'S BEEN REALLY SCARY THE PAST TWO DAYS 310 00:15:49,133 --> 00:15:50,700 WITH EVERYTHING THAT'S BEEN GOING ON. 311 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:53,967 SHE'S WOKE ME UP FROM JUST SCREAMING IN PAIN 312 00:15:53,967 --> 00:15:56,267 EVER SINCE WE GOT HERE. 313 00:15:56,267 --> 00:15:59,400 Pauline: DR. NOW'S BEEN RUNNING TESTS AND X-RAYS, 314 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:02,867 AND IT'S BEEN SCARY. 315 00:16:02,867 --> 00:16:04,633 I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG 316 00:16:04,633 --> 00:16:08,500 AND WHY THIS PAIN'S NOT GOING AWAY. 317 00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:10,433 DR. NOW. -PAULINE, 318 00:16:10,433 --> 00:16:13,633 YOU HAVE A BLOODSTREAM INFECTION, OKAY, 319 00:16:13,633 --> 00:16:18,067 THAT IS AFFECTING YOUR HEART AND AFFECTING YOUR KIDNEY. 320 00:16:18,067 --> 00:16:19,600 YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE IS DOWN, 321 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:23,167 SO YOU NEED TO BE VERY CAUTIOUS ABOUT YOUR CONDITION. 322 00:16:23,167 --> 00:16:26,300 WE'VE BEEN RUNNING TESTS ON PAULINE TO DETERMINE 323 00:16:26,300 --> 00:16:28,600 THE CAUSE OF HER BLOODSTREAM INFECTION, 324 00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:30,600 AND IT IS LIKELY THAT SHE HAS DEVELOPED 325 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:33,633 A STOMACH ULCER THAT POSSIBLY HAS PERFORATED 326 00:16:33,633 --> 00:16:36,167 THE LINING OF HER STOMACH AND IS LEAKING 327 00:16:36,167 --> 00:16:38,200 IN THE ABDOMINAL CAVITY 328 00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:40,767 AND CAUSING INFECTION IN THE BLOODSTREAM. 329 00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:42,267 Dr. Nowzaradan: LET'S BACKTRACK. 330 00:16:42,267 --> 00:16:46,467 YOU SAID THE NIGHT BEFORE, YOU WENT TO THE BATHROOM, 331 00:16:46,467 --> 00:16:48,367 AND WHAT HAPPENED? 332 00:16:48,367 --> 00:16:52,533 MY LEFT LEG AND MY LEFT HAND AND MY TIP OF MY TONGUE GOT NUMB. 333 00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:55,467 EVERYTHING GOT DARK, SPOTS ALL AROUND MY EYES, 334 00:16:55,467 --> 00:16:57,867 AND THEN MY VISION WENT LOWER, TOO. 335 00:16:57,867 --> 00:17:00,933 HOW IS YOUR EATING DOING? 336 00:17:00,933 --> 00:17:02,100 NOT SO GOOD. 337 00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:03,667 I WASN'T KEEPING THINGS DOWN, 338 00:17:03,667 --> 00:17:07,400 AND THE MEDICINE STARTED COMING BACK UP, TOO. 339 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:11,267 PAULINE WAS SO ADAMANT ABOUT PAINKILLERS LAST TIME. 340 00:17:11,267 --> 00:17:14,933 MY CONCERN RIGHT NOW IS SHE HAS BEEN ABUSING 341 00:17:14,933 --> 00:17:16,233 THAT MEDICATION. 342 00:17:16,233 --> 00:17:19,067 [ GROANS ] 343 00:17:19,067 --> 00:17:21,400 I NEED SOME PAIN MEDICINE, PLEASE. 344 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,400 PAULINE, YOU'RE GETTING TOO MANY PAIN MEDICINE, 345 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,900 AND THAT MAY BE A PROBLEM. 346 00:17:25,900 --> 00:17:28,067 [ GROANS ] 347 00:17:28,067 --> 00:17:30,567 PLEASE GIVE ME SOMETHING. I'M BEGGING YOU. 348 00:17:30,567 --> 00:17:33,067 I-I SUFFERED ALL NIGHT. 349 00:17:33,067 --> 00:17:35,867 Dr. Nowzaradan: AN EXCESSIVE AMOUNT OF PAINKILLER 350 00:17:35,867 --> 00:17:38,900 WILL CAUSE AN ULCER TO FORM IN HER STOMACH, 351 00:17:38,900 --> 00:17:41,333 WHICH EXPLAINS HER LACK OF APPETITE 352 00:17:41,333 --> 00:17:43,233 OVER THE LAST MONTH. 353 00:17:43,233 --> 00:17:46,200 YOU NEED TO SLOW DOWN ON TAKING ANY PAIN MEDICATION, 354 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,533 'CAUSE THAT'S GONNA AGGRAVATE THE SITUATION. 355 00:17:48,533 --> 00:17:51,667 PAULINE DOESN'T GET HOW MUCH DAMAGE SHE'S BEEN DOING 356 00:17:51,667 --> 00:17:53,367 TO HER BODY WITH THIS 357 00:17:53,367 --> 00:17:55,767 AND HOW CLOSE SHE IS TO DEATH RIGHT NOW. 358 00:17:55,767 --> 00:17:58,733 YOUR CONDITION RIGHT NOW IS PROBABLY 359 00:17:58,733 --> 00:18:03,967 THE LOWEST HEALTHY CONDITION THAT YOU HAVE EVER BEEN. 360 00:18:03,967 --> 00:18:06,333 AND THIS IS WITH ALL THE WEIGHT LOSS. 361 00:18:06,333 --> 00:18:08,600 YOU NEED TO BE VERY CAREFUL WITH THAT. 362 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:10,067 OKAY? 363 00:18:10,067 --> 00:18:11,800 -THANK YOU. -OKAY. 364 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,567 RIGHT NOW, WE'RE STARTING HER ON ANTIBIOTICS 365 00:18:14,567 --> 00:18:17,333 TO TRY TO GET THE INFECTION UNDER CONTROL, 366 00:18:17,333 --> 00:18:20,233 BUT SHE'S REALLY IN BAD SHAPE RIGHT NOW. 367 00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:22,400 IF HER CONDITION WOULD WORSEN, 368 00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,633 THE ONLY CHOICE WE'LL HAVE TO SAVE HER IS 369 00:18:24,633 --> 00:18:27,167 TO RUSH HER TO AN EMERGENCY SURGERY... 370 00:18:33,933 --> 00:18:36,800 HOPEFULLY, HER BODY ISN'T IN SUCH A BAD SHAPE 371 00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:39,100 THAT WE CAN'T PULL HER OUT OF IT. 372 00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:49,267 Chay: I'M HEADED TO SEE DR. NOW AND FIND OUT 373 00:18:49,267 --> 00:18:51,833 HOW MUCH PROGRESS I'VE MADE OVER THE LAST TWO MONTHS. 374 00:18:55,933 --> 00:18:57,933 AND I PLAN ON TELLING DR. NOWZARADAN 375 00:18:57,933 --> 00:19:01,167 THAT I WANT TO PURSUE GENDER REASSIGNMENT SURGERY. 376 00:19:01,167 --> 00:19:04,067 HE'S MY DOCTOR, SO I WANT HIM TO KNOW. 377 00:19:04,067 --> 00:19:06,733 BUT HE'S ALSO THE FIRST PERSON I'M TELLING, 378 00:19:06,733 --> 00:19:09,333 AND JUST SHARING IT MAKES ME REALLY NERVOUS. 379 00:19:09,333 --> 00:19:11,367 MR. GUILLORY. 380 00:19:11,367 --> 00:19:15,067 Chay: MY LAST WEIGH-IN, I WAS AT 478 POUNDS. 381 00:19:15,067 --> 00:19:17,533 [ SIGHS ] HERE WE GO. 382 00:19:17,533 --> 00:19:21,133 THE DOCTOR'S GOAL FOR ME WAS TO LOSE ANOTHER 50 POUNDS 383 00:19:21,133 --> 00:19:23,500 TO GET UNDER 428, 384 00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:26,133 AND ALL MY DREAMS DEPEND ON STAYING ON TRACK. 385 00:19:26,133 --> 00:19:29,067 SO I JUST HOPE I GOT CLOSE TO THAT. 386 00:19:30,233 --> 00:19:32,067 Woman: 464. 387 00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:39,900 THAT'S NOT AS MUCH WEIGHT LOSS AS I'D HOPED, 388 00:19:39,900 --> 00:19:42,067 BUT AT LEAST IT'S SOME PROGRESS. 389 00:19:42,067 --> 00:19:44,367 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 390 00:19:44,367 --> 00:19:46,333 -HELLO. -HEY, THERE. 391 00:19:46,333 --> 00:19:49,333 SO, YOU'RE DOWN TO 464? 392 00:19:49,333 --> 00:19:50,500 YES, SIR. 393 00:19:50,500 --> 00:19:52,833 THAT'S ONLY 14 POUNDS IN 2 MONTHS. 394 00:19:52,833 --> 00:19:55,867 THAT'S NOT A LOT OF PROGRESS. WHAT'S GOING ON? 395 00:19:55,867 --> 00:20:00,033 WELL, I KNOW YOU TOLD ME THAT IF THERE'S A PROBLEM, 396 00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:04,233 I CAN'T JUST RUN AWAY FROM IT OR NOT FACE IT. 397 00:20:04,233 --> 00:20:06,333 I HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT, 398 00:20:06,333 --> 00:20:08,633 OR I'M JUST GONNA SABOTAGE MYSELF. 399 00:20:08,633 --> 00:20:11,900 SO I'VE COME TO ADMIT TO MYSELF THAT I'M A TRANSGENDERED PERSON, 400 00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:14,233 AND I WANTED TO TELL YOU BECAUSE, LIKE, RIGHT NOW, 401 00:20:14,233 --> 00:20:17,467 YOU'RE, LIKE, MY HEAD OF MY MEDICAL TEAM. 402 00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:19,033 AND I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW 403 00:20:19,033 --> 00:20:21,400 THAT THERE'S THINGS I'M GONNA DO IN THE FUTURE, 404 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:24,633 LIKE HORMONE-REPLACEMENT THERAPY AND THAT. 405 00:20:24,633 --> 00:20:26,700 AND I JUST WANTED YOU TO BE AWARE. 406 00:20:26,700 --> 00:20:30,733 OKAY. ARE YOU GOING TO PURSUE GENDER REASSIGNMENT SURGERY? 407 00:20:30,733 --> 00:20:33,133 -I WANT TO HAVE SURGERY, TOO. -ALL RIGHT. 408 00:20:33,133 --> 00:20:36,700 BUT YOUR BODY CANNOT HANDLE TWO VERY MAJOR CHANGES 409 00:20:36,700 --> 00:20:38,133 AT THE SAME TIME. 410 00:20:38,133 --> 00:20:42,367 SO THE TIME FOR RECONSTRUCTION 411 00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:45,233 ARE IDEALLY WHEN YOU LOSE THE WEIGHT. 412 00:20:45,233 --> 00:20:48,033 SO YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOR ANYTHING VERY BIG 413 00:20:48,033 --> 00:20:50,467 UNTIL YOU GET CLOSE TO YOUR GOAL WEIGHT. 414 00:20:50,467 --> 00:20:52,300 -OKAY. -AND I WANT TO MAKE SURE 415 00:20:52,300 --> 00:20:54,167 THAT YOU'RE GOING TO YOUR THERAPIST 416 00:20:54,167 --> 00:20:56,200 SO YOU CAN WALK THROUGH YOUR EMOTIONS 417 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,700 AND AVOID THE TEMPTATION TO RUN TO FOOD. 418 00:20:58,700 --> 00:21:00,700 YES, SIR. 419 00:21:00,700 --> 00:21:02,733 Dr. Nowzaradan: CHAY'S ALWAYS USED FOOD 420 00:21:02,733 --> 00:21:05,733 TO COPE WITH HIS EMOTION, AND WITH ALL THE CHANGES 421 00:21:05,733 --> 00:21:07,967 HE'S GOING TO BE GOING THROUGH, 422 00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:10,800 HE NEEDS TO MAKE SURE HE'S MEETING WITH HIS THERAPIST 423 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:12,867 AND WORKING THROUGH THINGS. 424 00:21:12,867 --> 00:21:15,467 SO YOUR GOAL RIGHT NOW IS TO LOSE ENOUGH WEIGHT 425 00:21:15,467 --> 00:21:16,800 TO GET SKIN SURGERY. 426 00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:19,133 I WANT YOU TO GET UNDER 400 POUNDS 427 00:21:19,133 --> 00:21:21,067 TO QUALIFY FOR THAT PROCEDURE. 428 00:21:21,067 --> 00:21:22,300 I'M GONNA DO MY BEST. THANK YOU. 429 00:21:22,300 --> 00:21:23,900 OKAY. 430 00:21:23,900 --> 00:21:26,267 Dr. Nowzaradan: CHAY HAS TO LEARN TO COPE WITH THINGS 431 00:21:26,267 --> 00:21:29,900 IN A MUCH HEALTHIER WAY IF HE'S GOING TO BE SUCCESSFUL. 432 00:21:29,900 --> 00:21:32,933 IF NOT, HE'S GOING TO FALL BACK ON OLD HABITS 433 00:21:32,933 --> 00:21:36,067 AND END UP BACK AT 600 POUNDS. 434 00:21:38,233 --> 00:21:40,800 Chay: IT WAS A LITTLE HARD TO HEAR THAT THE DOCTOR THINKS 435 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,533 I NEED TO WAIT UNTIL I GET CLOSER TO MY GOAL WEIGHT 436 00:21:43,533 --> 00:21:46,233 BEFORE I CAN HAVE GENDER REASSIGNMENT SURGERY. 437 00:21:46,233 --> 00:21:49,533 BECAUSE I'M NOT SURE HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN WAIT. 438 00:21:49,533 --> 00:21:51,733 I'M THINKING ABOUT ALL THE CHANGES, 439 00:21:51,733 --> 00:21:55,367 AND COMING OUT TO MY FAMILY IS HARD. 440 00:21:55,367 --> 00:21:57,800 BUT I KNOW RIGHT NOW I HAVE TO FOCUS 441 00:21:57,800 --> 00:21:59,700 AND KEEP WORKING TO MAKE PROGRESS, 442 00:21:59,700 --> 00:22:01,800 BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO LOSE THIS CHANCE 443 00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:03,600 TO GET THE LIFE I'VE ALWAYS WANTED. 444 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,267 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] 445 00:22:23,267 --> 00:22:24,933 Dr. Nowzaradan: OVER THE PAST FEW DAYS, 446 00:22:24,933 --> 00:22:28,167 WE HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO STABILIZE PAULINE'S CONDITION, 447 00:22:28,167 --> 00:22:32,667 AND HER HEALTH CONTINUED TO DECLINE RAPIDLY. 448 00:22:32,667 --> 00:22:36,133 SO WE HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE BUT EMERGENCY SURGERY 449 00:22:36,133 --> 00:22:38,300 TO TRY AND REMOVE HER STOMACH ULCER 450 00:22:38,300 --> 00:22:41,800 AND CLOSE UP ANY LEAK IN THE ABDOMINAL CAVITY. 451 00:22:43,767 --> 00:22:47,667 BUT THIS IS GOING TO BE A VERY RISKY SURGERY. 452 00:22:47,667 --> 00:22:51,267 PAULINE'S BODY IS ALREADY SEVERELY COMPROMISED, 453 00:22:51,267 --> 00:22:54,567 AND IT WON'T BE ABLE TO HANDLE MUCH MORE TRAUMA. 454 00:22:54,567 --> 00:23:00,367 BUT AT THIS POINT, THIS IS HER ONLY HOPE TO SURVIVE. 455 00:23:00,367 --> 00:23:03,333 WE ARE OPENING THE BELLY, AND WE'RE LOOKING 456 00:23:03,333 --> 00:23:07,233 FOR THE AREA OF PERFORATION OF THE ULCER. 457 00:23:07,233 --> 00:23:09,067 WE'RE ALMOST GETTING TO IT. 458 00:23:09,067 --> 00:23:11,800 THERE'S A LOT OF LEAKAGE FROM THE INTESTINES 459 00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:14,200 THAT WE HAVE TO CLEAR UP. 460 00:23:16,300 --> 00:23:22,467 OKAY, WE TOOK ALL THE ULCER AND ALL THE INFECTED TISSUE OFF. 461 00:23:22,467 --> 00:23:25,667 AND EVERYTHING'S LOOKING GOOD. 462 00:23:25,667 --> 00:23:30,400 SO WE'RE GONNA CLOSE HER UP, AND WE'LL SEE HOW SHE DOES. 463 00:23:32,700 --> 00:23:35,400 ALL RIGHT, SURGERY IS OVER. 464 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:40,900 WELL, PAULINE'S SURGERY WENT AS GOOD AS WE CAN EXPECT. 465 00:23:40,900 --> 00:23:43,733 WE WERE ABLE TO STOP THE PERFORATED ULCER 466 00:23:43,733 --> 00:23:47,133 FROM BECOMING FATAL, BUT THERE WAS STILL 467 00:23:47,133 --> 00:23:50,533 A LOT OF DAMAGE DONE TO PAULINE'S BODY. 468 00:23:50,533 --> 00:23:53,067 WE'LL CONTINUE TO DO EVERYTHING WE CAN 469 00:23:53,067 --> 00:23:54,500 TO GET HER THROUGH THIS, 470 00:23:54,500 --> 00:23:56,867 BUT THERE IS NO WAY TO KNOW AT THIS POINT 471 00:23:56,867 --> 00:23:59,833 IF SHE WILL BE ABLE TO FULLY RECOVER. 472 00:23:59,833 --> 00:24:02,467 PAULINE HAS A LONG ROAD AHEAD OF HER RIGHT NOW. 473 00:24:15,467 --> 00:24:17,200 Chay: I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT LATELY 474 00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:19,700 ABOUT WHAT THE DOCTOR SAID ABOUT MY BODY NOT BEING ABLE 475 00:24:19,700 --> 00:24:22,967 TO GO THROUGH TWO MAJOR CHANGES AT ONCE. 476 00:24:22,967 --> 00:24:26,067 BUT I DON'T THINK I'M GOING TO BE ABLE TO COMPLETELY WAIT 477 00:24:26,067 --> 00:24:29,133 UNTIL I GET TO MY TARGET WEIGHT TO START LIVING AS A WOMAN. 478 00:24:31,133 --> 00:24:34,933 I'VE BEEN SUPPRESSING THIS FOR A REALLY LONG TIME. 479 00:24:34,933 --> 00:24:38,600 MY BEING A TRANSGENDERED PERSON, HIDING IT, 480 00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:41,300 MADE ME AN OVEREATER AND AN EMOTIONAL EATER. 481 00:24:41,300 --> 00:24:44,300 AND IT'S PLAYED A BIG PART IN GAINING THE WEIGHT I DID. 482 00:24:44,300 --> 00:24:46,133 I WAS LIVING A LIE, 483 00:24:46,133 --> 00:24:48,533 AND I KNOW IF I KEEP LIVING LIKE THAT, 484 00:24:48,533 --> 00:24:54,467 I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO MAKE THE PROGRESS I NEED. 485 00:24:54,467 --> 00:24:56,700 SO I'D HAVE TO BE TRUE TO MYSELF 486 00:24:56,700 --> 00:25:00,300 AND START THE PROCESS NOW IN ANY WAY I CAN. 487 00:25:00,300 --> 00:25:05,367 AND I'VE STARTED TO DRESS LIKE A WOMAN WHEN NO ONE'S AROUND. 488 00:25:05,367 --> 00:25:08,200 SOMETIMES, I THINK I MAKE A PRETTY LADY. 489 00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:11,800 AND I THINK I LOOK LIKE MY GRANDMA. 490 00:25:14,467 --> 00:25:16,067 WHEN I WAS A LITTLE BOY, 491 00:25:16,067 --> 00:25:18,100 I JUST REMEMBER PRETENDING I WAS A PRINCESS, 492 00:25:18,100 --> 00:25:19,667 AND I LIKED TO PLAY WITH BARBIES 493 00:25:19,667 --> 00:25:23,533 AND NOT WITH, LIKE, TONKA TRUCKS OR STUFF LIKE THAT. 494 00:25:23,533 --> 00:25:25,800 I WAS TAUGHT, "BOYS DO THESE THINGS. 495 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:27,267 GIRLS DO THESE THINGS. 496 00:25:27,267 --> 00:25:29,300 THIS STUFF'S FOR BOYS. THIS STUFF'S FOR GIRLS." 497 00:25:29,300 --> 00:25:32,800 AND A LARGE PART OF MY FAMILY IS VERY CONSERVATIVE, 498 00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:34,600 SO I JUST ALWAYS FELT LIKE 499 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:36,433 THIS IS SOMETHING I SHOULDN'T TALK ABOUT. 500 00:25:36,433 --> 00:25:38,333 THIS IS SOMETHING I SHOULD KEEP TO MYSELF, 501 00:25:38,333 --> 00:25:44,333 BECAUSE, IN MY FAMILY, THAT WAS A BAD THING. 502 00:25:44,333 --> 00:25:46,600 BUT THIS IS WHO I AM, 503 00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:50,833 AND NO MATTER WHAT I HAVE TO DO THIS. 504 00:25:50,833 --> 00:25:53,200 BUT UNTIL I GET CLOSER TO BEING ABLE 505 00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:58,467 TO MAKE THE COMPLETE CHANGE, I'M NOT TELLING ANYONE. 506 00:25:58,467 --> 00:26:00,433 I JUST HOPE THAT EMOTION 507 00:26:00,433 --> 00:26:02,667 AND THAT FEAR DOESN'T BUILD IN ME 508 00:26:02,667 --> 00:26:05,333 AND MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE TO STAY ON MY DIET. 509 00:26:05,333 --> 00:26:07,333 BUT I'M JUST NOT READY RIGHT NOW, 510 00:26:07,333 --> 00:26:09,067 AND I WANT TO MAKE MORE PROGRESS 511 00:26:09,067 --> 00:26:12,267 BEFORE I WORK UP THE COURAGE TO TELL EVERYONE. 512 00:26:12,267 --> 00:26:15,067 MEGHAN. 513 00:26:15,067 --> 00:26:17,267 YOU HOME? 514 00:26:17,267 --> 00:26:19,600 YOU HUNGRY? I GOT TURKEY POT PIE. 515 00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:22,067 ALL RIGHT. THAT'S FINE. 516 00:26:22,067 --> 00:26:24,700 I DON'T THINK I'LL BE ABLE TO FULLY HANDLE IT 517 00:26:24,700 --> 00:26:28,667 IF MY FAMILY DOESN'T REACT POSITIVELY TO THE NEWS. 518 00:26:28,667 --> 00:26:32,533 BUT AT THE SAME TIME, THE LONGER I KEEP IT A SECRET, 519 00:26:32,533 --> 00:26:35,700 THE HARDER IT IS FOR ME TO DEAL WITH ALL MY EMOTIONS 520 00:26:35,700 --> 00:26:39,233 AND THE MORE I WANT TO FIND COMFORT IN FOOD. 521 00:26:39,233 --> 00:26:43,067 AND I CAN'T LET MYSELF FALL BACK INTO THAT. 522 00:26:43,067 --> 00:26:45,067 OOH! THANK YOU. 523 00:26:45,067 --> 00:26:46,267 YOU'RE WELCOME. 524 00:26:46,267 --> 00:26:49,533 Chay: I KNOW I GIVE IN AT TIMES, 525 00:26:49,533 --> 00:26:51,933 AND WHEN I DO, IT'S RISKING EVERYTHING 526 00:26:51,933 --> 00:26:55,400 I'VE WORKED SO HARD TO ACCOMPLISH. 527 00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:58,433 BUT IT'S REALLY DIFFICULT TO NOT GIVE IN, 528 00:26:58,433 --> 00:27:03,100 SO I TRY TO FIND A BALANCE BECAUSE I HAVE TO. 529 00:27:03,100 --> 00:27:06,500 I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW YOU MANAGED TO EAT ALL OF THAT. 530 00:27:06,500 --> 00:27:08,833 USUALLY, YOU EAT, LIKE, TWO BITES. 531 00:27:08,833 --> 00:27:11,667 I DON'T KNOW, EITHER. 532 00:27:11,667 --> 00:27:14,900 Chay: I'M JUST NOT READY TO TELL MY FAMILY, 533 00:27:14,900 --> 00:27:17,133 AND I HAVE TO DEAL WITH MY EMOTIONS 534 00:27:17,133 --> 00:27:19,400 IN A WAY THAT DOESN'T STOP MY PROGRESS. 535 00:27:36,500 --> 00:27:39,067 Chay: I KNOW THE WEIGHT HASN'T BEEN FLYING OFF 536 00:27:39,067 --> 00:27:40,800 THE LAST COUPLE OF MONTHS 537 00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:43,100 BECAUSE I'VE BEEN GIVING IN SOME HERE AND THERE 538 00:27:43,100 --> 00:27:45,967 AND EATING FOOD TO COMFORT ME RIGHT NOW. 539 00:27:45,967 --> 00:27:47,567 BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M LOSING WEIGHT 540 00:27:47,567 --> 00:27:51,633 AND I HAVE MORE EXCESS SKIN THAN I HAD BEFORE. 541 00:27:51,633 --> 00:27:55,600 MY ARMS, THEY'RE PRETTY LOOSE AND JIGGLY. 542 00:27:55,600 --> 00:28:00,833 MY BELLY SKIN -- I CAN, LIKE, FOLD IT LIKE A TACO. 543 00:28:00,833 --> 00:28:03,067 THIS EXTRA SKIN BOTHERS ME 544 00:28:03,067 --> 00:28:06,233 BOTH AESTHETICALLY AND FUNCTIONALLY. 545 00:28:06,233 --> 00:28:08,800 I LIKED MY BODY BETTER WHEN I WAS, LIKE, SUPER-FAT 546 00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:10,233 'CAUSE EVERYTHING WAS TIGHT AND SMOOTH, 547 00:28:10,233 --> 00:28:13,367 AND NOW THINGS ARE JUST SAD. 548 00:28:13,367 --> 00:28:16,067 I HAVE ONE MORE MONTH TO LOSE MORE WEIGHT 549 00:28:16,067 --> 00:28:18,233 BEFORE I SEE THE DOCTOR AGAIN, 550 00:28:18,233 --> 00:28:21,667 AND I'M WORKING TO MAKE PROGRESS AS BEST I CAN 551 00:28:21,667 --> 00:28:24,567 BECAUSE I CAN'T KEEP HIDING WHO I AM. 552 00:28:24,567 --> 00:28:28,700 I KNOW MY EMOTIONS ARE GONNA GET TO BE TOO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE, 553 00:28:28,700 --> 00:28:31,533 AND I'M GONNA START GIVING IN MORE, 554 00:28:31,533 --> 00:28:35,367 AND I CAN'T START GAINING AND LOSE THIS CHANCE AT MY LIFE. 555 00:28:35,367 --> 00:28:38,533 I JUST CAN'T FAIL AT THIS. 556 00:28:49,233 --> 00:28:52,400 I'M HEADED TO SEE DR. NOW AGAIN AND FIND OUT 557 00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:57,200 IF I'VE MADE GOOD PROGRESS OVER THE LAST FEW MONTHS. 558 00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:00,700 I KNOW I'VE STILL HAD MY MOMENTS WHERE I'VE STRUGGLED, 559 00:29:00,700 --> 00:29:02,433 AND I'VE TRIED SOME FAD DIETS 560 00:29:02,433 --> 00:29:06,133 LIKE ONLY EATING BEANS AND LENTILS. 561 00:29:06,133 --> 00:29:08,133 AND I KNOW THEY HAVEN'T REALLY WORKED. 562 00:29:08,133 --> 00:29:11,733 I SHOULD'VE JUST STUCK TO DR. NOW'S DIET. 563 00:29:11,733 --> 00:29:15,200 SO, I'M NERVOUS TO FIND OUT HOW MUCH WEIGHT I'VE LOST. 564 00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:19,433 HE WANTED ME TO LOSE 65 POUNDS, TO GET UNDER 400 POUNDS 565 00:29:19,433 --> 00:29:23,367 BEFORE HE THINKS I'D BE READY FOR SKIN SURGERY. 566 00:29:23,367 --> 00:29:26,067 AND SO MUCH IS RIDING ON THIS SURGERY, 567 00:29:26,067 --> 00:29:27,933 SO OF COURSE I'M REALLY NERVOUS RIGHT NOW 568 00:29:27,933 --> 00:29:30,567 BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE SCALE'S GONNA SAY. 569 00:29:36,067 --> 00:29:39,700 THAT'S A LOT LESS WEIGHT LOSS THAN I THOUGHT. 570 00:29:39,700 --> 00:29:42,567 I THOUGHT I WAS DOING A LOT BETTER THAN THAT. 571 00:29:46,700 --> 00:29:48,533 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 572 00:29:48,533 --> 00:29:50,533 -HELLO. -HI, THERE. 573 00:29:50,533 --> 00:29:53,367 -HOW YOU DOING? -I'M OKAY. 574 00:29:53,367 --> 00:29:58,800 ALL RIGHT, LAST TIME I SAW YOU, YOU WERE AT 464. 575 00:29:58,800 --> 00:30:01,933 AND I WANTED YOU TO GET BELOW 400 576 00:30:01,933 --> 00:30:03,933 IN THE PAST FEW MONTHS, 577 00:30:03,933 --> 00:30:06,933 BUT NOW YOU'RE DOWN TO 455. 578 00:30:06,933 --> 00:30:09,533 THAT'S ONLY THREE POUNDS A MONTH. 579 00:30:09,533 --> 00:30:12,600 AT YOUR WEIGHT, AT THIS POINT AFTER BYPASS, 580 00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:15,133 YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO LOSE 20 POUNDS A MONTH 581 00:30:15,133 --> 00:30:16,700 WITHOUT ANY ISSUE. 582 00:30:16,700 --> 00:30:19,133 SO WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THE EATING HABIT? 583 00:30:19,133 --> 00:30:22,067 I-I THOUGHT I WAS DOING GOOD. 584 00:30:22,067 --> 00:30:23,567 WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW 585 00:30:23,567 --> 00:30:25,867 WHEN YOU'RE STRUGGLING WITH YOUR EMOTIONS? 586 00:30:25,867 --> 00:30:28,067 DID YOU SEE YOUR THERAPIST? 587 00:30:28,067 --> 00:30:31,267 I'VE NOT REALLY DONE ANYTHING ABOUT THAT YET. 588 00:30:31,267 --> 00:30:33,900 YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE A LOT OF BIG CHANGES TO YOUR BODY 589 00:30:33,900 --> 00:30:35,567 IN A SHORT TIME, CHAY, 590 00:30:35,567 --> 00:30:38,433 AND I TOLD YOU YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR EMOTIONS 591 00:30:38,433 --> 00:30:39,733 AND TALK TO YOUR THERAPIST. 592 00:30:39,733 --> 00:30:41,367 AND YOU DID NOT DO THAT. 593 00:30:41,367 --> 00:30:44,100 YOU TRIED TO DO THIS ALL ON YOUR OWN, 594 00:30:44,100 --> 00:30:46,633 AND THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK. 595 00:30:46,633 --> 00:30:49,567 CHAY CERTAINLY HAS A LOT OF REASON 596 00:30:49,567 --> 00:30:51,933 TO WRESTLE WITH HIS EMOTIONS RIGHT NOW, 597 00:30:51,933 --> 00:30:55,067 BUT HE HAS NO EXCUSE TO TRY TO ISOLATE HIMSELF 598 00:30:55,067 --> 00:30:58,367 AND TRY TO DO THIS WHOLE JOURNEY ON HIS OWN. 599 00:30:58,367 --> 00:31:01,367 HE HAS HELP AND RESOURCES AVAILABLE TO HIM 600 00:31:01,367 --> 00:31:03,867 THAT HE'S CHOOSING NOT TO USE RIGHT NOW. 601 00:31:03,867 --> 00:31:07,667 Dr. Nowzaradan: NOTHING STAYED WITH YOU IN YOUR FOLLOW-UP. 602 00:31:07,667 --> 00:31:09,467 WHERE ARE WE GOING WITH THAT? 603 00:31:13,767 --> 00:31:15,600 I TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR THAT. 604 00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:17,667 I AM NOT TRYING TO MAKE ANY EXCUSES. 605 00:31:17,667 --> 00:31:19,533 Dr. Nowzaradan: IF HE WANTS TO SUCCEED, 606 00:31:19,533 --> 00:31:22,500 HE HAS TO START LEANING ON OTHERS FOR HELP, 607 00:31:22,500 --> 00:31:24,767 OR HE WON'T BE ABLE TO DO THIS. 608 00:31:24,767 --> 00:31:27,200 YOU NEED TO GO TO YOUR THERAPIST 609 00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:30,633 AND TALK TO HER ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH. 610 00:31:30,633 --> 00:31:33,833 AND IN THREE MONTHS, I WANT YOU TO BE UNDER 400 POUNDS. 611 00:31:33,833 --> 00:31:35,167 OKAY. 612 00:31:35,167 --> 00:31:37,633 -ANY OTHER QUESTIONS? -UM, NO, SIR. 613 00:31:37,633 --> 00:31:38,967 ALL RIGHT. 614 00:31:38,967 --> 00:31:41,067 Dr. Nowzaradan: IF HIS EATING HABITS GET 615 00:31:41,067 --> 00:31:42,500 OUT OF CONTROL AGAIN, 616 00:31:42,500 --> 00:31:45,867 THEN HE CAN EASILY GET BACK UP TO 600 POUNDS 617 00:31:45,867 --> 00:31:48,100 IN FOUR TO FIVE MONTHS. 618 00:31:48,100 --> 00:31:51,267 SO HE NEEDS TO TAKE EVERYTHING HE'S GOING THROUGH 619 00:31:51,267 --> 00:31:54,700 VERY SERIOUSLY RIGHT NOW. 620 00:31:54,700 --> 00:31:58,933 Chay: I KNOW THE DOCTOR'S RIGHT, AND I CAN'T DO THIS ON MY OWN. 621 00:31:58,933 --> 00:32:01,400 AND NOT TRUSTING ANYONE IS CAUSING ME 622 00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:04,567 TO FALL BACK TO OLD HABITS. 623 00:32:04,567 --> 00:32:07,100 I KNOW I HAVE TO START TO REACH OUT 624 00:32:07,100 --> 00:32:10,867 AND BUILD UP THE COURAGE TO STOP LIVING LIKE I AM. 625 00:32:10,867 --> 00:32:13,867 IF I DON'T, I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO DO THIS, 626 00:32:13,867 --> 00:32:17,600 AND I'M GONNA START GAINING AGAIN 627 00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:20,600 AND END UP FURTHER AWAY FROM MY DREAM THAN EVER. 628 00:32:30,833 --> 00:32:32,200 Dr. Nowzaradan: IT'S BEEN A MONTH 629 00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:34,367 SINCE WE PERFORMED SURGERY ON PAULINE, 630 00:32:34,367 --> 00:32:36,933 AND SHE STILL HAS NOT RECOVERED VERY MUCH. 631 00:32:36,933 --> 00:32:39,767 UNFORTUNATELY, SHE DOESN'T SEEM TO GRASP 632 00:32:39,767 --> 00:32:42,767 HOW DIRE HER SITUATION IS RIGHT NOW. 633 00:32:42,767 --> 00:32:45,333 SHE'S WELL ENOUGH TO START HER PHYSICAL THERAPY, 634 00:32:45,333 --> 00:32:48,833 BUT SHE IS REFUSING BECAUSE SHE SAID IT HURTS TOO MUCH 635 00:32:48,833 --> 00:32:51,367 AND SHE WANTS MORE PAIN MEDICATION. 636 00:32:51,367 --> 00:32:54,067 Pauline: I FEEL SO MISERABLE. 637 00:32:54,067 --> 00:32:56,267 I DON'T THINK ANYONE REALLY UNDERSTANDS 638 00:32:56,267 --> 00:32:58,167 HOW PAINFUL THIS ALL IS. 639 00:32:58,167 --> 00:33:00,500 [ MONITORS BEEPING ] EVERYTHING HURTS ME -- 640 00:33:00,500 --> 00:33:03,300 TO MOVE, TO SIT UP, TO USE AN ARM, 641 00:33:03,300 --> 00:33:06,233 TO USE A LEG, WHATEVER -- IT HURTS. 642 00:33:06,233 --> 00:33:10,600 I'M LIVING THREE-HOUR TO THREE-HOUR PAIN MEDICINE TIME. 643 00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:12,800 LIKE, I'M SCREAMING FROM PAIN 644 00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:15,600 BY THE TIME IT'S THREE HOURS AGAIN. 645 00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:18,967 BUT AS LONG AS I GOT PAIN MEDICINE IN ME, 646 00:33:18,967 --> 00:33:21,167 I FEEL PRETTY GOOD. 647 00:33:21,167 --> 00:33:24,300 Dr. Nowzaradan: IF SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GET UP OUT OF BED, 648 00:33:24,300 --> 00:33:27,167 HER HEALTH IS GOING TO CONTINUE TO DECLINE 649 00:33:27,167 --> 00:33:29,400 AS HER BODY GETS WORSE AND WORSE. 650 00:33:42,233 --> 00:33:45,133 Chay: RIGHT NOW, I'M HEADED TO SEE MY THERAPIST. 651 00:33:47,967 --> 00:33:50,267 SHE'S HELPED ME THROUGH A LOT, 652 00:33:50,267 --> 00:33:53,433 AND SHE TAUGHT ME TO LET MY FEELINGS OUT 653 00:33:53,433 --> 00:33:57,267 SO I DON'T SUPPRESS THEM AND END UP RUNNING TO FOOD. 654 00:33:57,267 --> 00:34:00,800 I JUST THOUGHT, AT THE TIME, THE EMOTION I NEEDED TO LET OUT 655 00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:04,667 AND DEAL WITH WAS THE PAIN FROM CHILDHOOD AND MY PARENTS. 656 00:34:04,667 --> 00:34:08,533 I GREW UP IN A VERY EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE HOUSEHOLD. 657 00:34:08,533 --> 00:34:12,500 SO I JUST BOTTLE IT UP, AND THEN I EAT. 658 00:34:12,500 --> 00:34:13,900 THE IMPORTANT THING TO RECOGNIZE IS 659 00:34:13,900 --> 00:34:15,333 THE FEELINGS ARE GONNA GO SOMEWHERE. 660 00:34:15,333 --> 00:34:17,067 YOU SHOULD ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT YOU'RE FEELING 661 00:34:17,067 --> 00:34:18,500 AND THEN LET IT OUT. 662 00:34:18,500 --> 00:34:22,633 I'M TRYING AND WILL TAKE CONTROL. 663 00:34:22,633 --> 00:34:25,867 Chay: BUT MY WEIGHT-LOSS JOURNEY HAS HELPED ME TO REALIZE 664 00:34:25,867 --> 00:34:28,967 MORE OF WHO I AM AND MORE OF WHO I WANT TO BE. 665 00:34:28,967 --> 00:34:32,467 AND I'M STILL HIDING THAT FROM THE WORLD. 666 00:34:32,467 --> 00:34:34,067 -HEY, CHAY. GOOD TO SEE YOU. -HEY, THERE. 667 00:34:34,067 --> 00:34:36,667 IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU. -COME ON BACK. 668 00:34:36,667 --> 00:34:38,700 Chay: EVEN THE THOUGHT 669 00:34:38,700 --> 00:34:41,467 OF TELLING MY FAMILY RIGHT NOW IS SCARY, 670 00:34:41,467 --> 00:34:43,800 BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LET IT OUT. 671 00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:47,233 SO, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO FOCUS ON TODAY? 672 00:34:47,233 --> 00:34:49,067 HOW DO YOU WANT TO SPEND OUR TIME? 673 00:34:49,067 --> 00:34:52,400 SO, I HAVE ADMITTED TO MYSELF 674 00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:55,067 THAT I'M A TRANSGENDERED PERSON. 675 00:34:55,067 --> 00:34:57,333 -MM. -AND IF I'M GOING 676 00:34:57,333 --> 00:35:00,600 TO BE SUCCESSFUL WITH MY WEIGHT LOSS, 677 00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:04,433 THAT'S SOMETHING I CAN SUPPRESS AND NOT FACE. 678 00:35:04,433 --> 00:35:06,767 SO GIVE ME A LITTLE BIT OF HISTORY, SHARE WITH ME. 679 00:35:06,767 --> 00:35:08,367 HAS THIS BEEN SOMETHING THAT'S BUILDING? 680 00:35:08,367 --> 00:35:12,067 OR HOW DID YOU REACH THIS POINT OF RECOGNITION OF THIS? 681 00:35:12,067 --> 00:35:14,767 IT'S SOMETHING I'VE ALWAYS DEALT WITH 682 00:35:14,767 --> 00:35:17,400 EVEN BEFORE I KNEW WHAT IT WAS CALLED. 683 00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:20,367 BUT THE WAY I WAS TAUGHT AS A CHILD, 684 00:35:20,367 --> 00:35:23,067 I KNEW THAT... 685 00:35:23,067 --> 00:35:25,733 THAT WAS SOMETHING THAT WOULD BE FROWNED UPON. 686 00:35:25,733 --> 00:35:29,767 AND I KNOW THAT NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO BE, 687 00:35:29,767 --> 00:35:31,533 YOU KNOW, RECEPTIVE TO IT. 688 00:35:31,533 --> 00:35:34,100 SO YOUR FEAR THERE IS WHAT? WHAT IS THE FEAR? 689 00:35:34,100 --> 00:35:35,633 JUST THE CONFLICT. 690 00:35:35,633 --> 00:35:37,567 THERE ARE PARTICULAR PEOPLE IN MY FAMILY THAT, 691 00:35:37,567 --> 00:35:40,633 IF YOU SAY SOMETHING THEY DON'T AGREE WITH, 692 00:35:40,633 --> 00:35:42,267 THEY'RE NOT LISTENING TO ANYTHING YOU'RE SAYING. 693 00:35:42,267 --> 00:35:45,900 IT'S JUST ALL ABOUT THEM YELLING AND MAKING A SHOW. 694 00:35:45,900 --> 00:35:47,633 -OKAY. -AND THAT'S THE KIND OF CONFLICT 695 00:35:47,633 --> 00:35:49,967 I'D RATHER AVOID. -BUT THESE ARE ALSO PEOPLE 696 00:35:49,967 --> 00:35:52,633 THAT YOU HAVE A REALLY CLOSE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH. 697 00:35:52,633 --> 00:35:54,200 YOU'RE NOT LOOKING FOR OTHER PEOPLE 698 00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:56,633 TO AGREE WITH YOUR POSITION OR EMBRACE THAT. 699 00:35:56,633 --> 00:35:57,867 THAT'S NOT YOUR GOAL. 700 00:35:57,867 --> 00:36:00,633 YOUR GOAL IS SIMPLY SHARING YOUR STORY. 701 00:36:00,633 --> 00:36:02,633 I REALLY KIND OF JUST WISH I COULD DO IT, LIKE, 702 00:36:02,633 --> 00:36:05,167 VIA TEXT MESSAGE OR OVER THE TELEPHONE, 703 00:36:05,167 --> 00:36:06,833 WHERE IF THINGS GET IRATE, I CAN JUST... 704 00:36:06,833 --> 00:36:08,667 THAT'S YOUR CHOICE. YEAH, THAT'S YOUR CHOICE. 705 00:36:08,667 --> 00:36:11,433 BUT THERE MAY BE A LEVEL OF UNDERSTANDING THERE, 706 00:36:11,433 --> 00:36:14,067 AND I THINK THAT THAT'S SOMETHING 707 00:36:14,067 --> 00:36:15,467 THAT YOU CAN BUILD ON. -YEAH. 708 00:36:15,467 --> 00:36:18,200 I MEAN, THIS IS SOMETHING THAT'S OBVIOUSLY BEEN 709 00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:20,167 JUST BUILDING AND BUILDING INSIDE OF YOU, 710 00:36:20,167 --> 00:36:21,467 AND I KNOW IT TOOK A LOT OF COURAGE. 711 00:36:21,467 --> 00:36:23,867 SO I THANK YOU FOR SHARING IT WITH ME, 712 00:36:23,867 --> 00:36:26,933 AND I'M EXCITED ABOUT YOU SHARING IT 713 00:36:26,933 --> 00:36:28,300 WITH OTHER PEOPLE AROUND YOU. 714 00:36:28,300 --> 00:36:29,800 AND I'M HOPEFUL THAT THEY'RE GONNA BE 715 00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:31,267 ENCOURAGING AND SUPPORTIVE. -WELL, THANK YOU. 716 00:36:31,267 --> 00:36:32,867 THANK YOU. -ALL RIGHT. 717 00:36:32,867 --> 00:36:34,933 OKAY, WELL, HOPEFULLY, I'LL SEE YOU SOON. 718 00:36:34,933 --> 00:36:36,633 OKAY. 719 00:36:39,967 --> 00:36:42,633 Chay: I THINK THIS WAS REALLY HELPFUL FOR ME. 720 00:36:42,633 --> 00:36:44,967 I'M STILL SCARED TO TELL MY FAMILY 721 00:36:44,967 --> 00:36:46,667 AND SEE HOW THEY REACT, 722 00:36:46,667 --> 00:36:50,967 BUT I'VE BEEN MAKING IT BIGGER IN MY HEAD. 723 00:36:50,967 --> 00:36:53,933 AS LONG AS THEY ACCEPT ME, 724 00:36:53,933 --> 00:36:58,600 THEN I THINK STEPHANIE IS RIGHT AND THAT I CAN BUILD ON THAT. 725 00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:02,767 SO I HAVE TO FIND THE COURAGE TO DO THIS. 726 00:37:02,767 --> 00:37:05,633 I HAVE TO TELL MY FAMILY. 727 00:37:17,667 --> 00:37:20,833 PAULINE HAS BEEN IN HOSPITAL FOR FOUR MONTHS NOW. 728 00:37:20,833 --> 00:37:22,900 SHE STILL REFUSES TO WALK, 729 00:37:22,900 --> 00:37:25,267 AND SHE REFUSES TO DO ANY EXERCISE. 730 00:37:25,267 --> 00:37:29,367 AND SHE HAS NOT REDUCED HER DEMAND FOR PAIN MEDICATION. 731 00:37:29,367 --> 00:37:30,667 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 732 00:37:30,667 --> 00:37:32,733 PAULINE, HOW ARE YOU THIS MORNING? 733 00:37:32,733 --> 00:37:34,533 I'M OKAY. HOW ARE YOU? 734 00:37:34,533 --> 00:37:36,067 ALL RIGHT. 735 00:37:36,067 --> 00:37:39,100 THE ONLY POSITIVE THING HAS BEEN WE HAVE BEEN ABLE 736 00:37:39,100 --> 00:37:41,167 TO KEEP HER ON A CONTROLLED DIET. 737 00:37:41,167 --> 00:37:45,167 AND WE HAVE HER DOWN TO 333 POUNDS RIGHT NOW, 738 00:37:45,167 --> 00:37:47,233 BUT HER CONDITION IS NOT GOING TO IMPROVE 739 00:37:47,233 --> 00:37:50,067 IF SHE DOESN'T START TO GET ACTIVE AGAIN. 740 00:37:50,067 --> 00:37:52,233 THERE'S A COUPLE THINGS THAT I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT. 741 00:37:52,233 --> 00:37:55,167 FIRST, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET ANY MORE PRESCRIPTIONS 742 00:37:55,167 --> 00:37:56,700 FOR PAINKILLERS. 743 00:37:56,700 --> 00:37:59,900 SECOND, I'M SENDING YOU TO A PHYSICAL-THERAPY FACILITY 744 00:37:59,900 --> 00:38:02,933 TO WORK WITH YOU AND GET YOU UP AND MOVING AGAIN. 745 00:38:02,933 --> 00:38:05,100 Pauline: BUT HOW AM I GONNA STAND UP OR MOVE 746 00:38:05,100 --> 00:38:08,733 OR DO ANY PHYSICAL THERAPY IF I DON'T HAVE ANY MEDICINE 747 00:38:08,733 --> 00:38:09,900 FOR MY KNEES? 748 00:38:09,900 --> 00:38:12,333 YOU DO NOT NEED MEDICINE TO STAND UP. 749 00:38:12,333 --> 00:38:15,400 -OKAY. -YOU NEED TO GET UP AND MOVE. 750 00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:17,600 BUT, LIKE, RIGHT NOW, MY KNEES ARE THROBBING. 751 00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:21,233 YOU KNOW, MY BELLY HURTS FROM TWISTING YESTERDAY, 752 00:38:21,233 --> 00:38:23,600 AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT'S WRONG 753 00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:25,433 WITH LETTING ME BE COMFORTABLE. 754 00:38:33,100 --> 00:38:35,967 YOU NEED TO COME OFF OF THE PAIN MEDICATION. 755 00:38:35,967 --> 00:38:38,767 THERE IS NO WAY WE CAN CONTINUE WITH THAT. 756 00:38:38,767 --> 00:38:41,933 Dr. Nowzaradan: EVERY DAY PAULINE STAYS IN THAT BED, 757 00:38:41,933 --> 00:38:44,333 HER BODY CONTINUES TO DETERIORATE. 758 00:38:44,333 --> 00:38:46,967 THE ONLY WAY FOR HER TO DEAL WITH THE PAIN IS 759 00:38:46,967 --> 00:38:49,967 TO MOVE AROUND AND BUILD UP HER MUSCLE AND JOINTS 760 00:38:49,967 --> 00:38:51,467 TO STOP HURTING. 761 00:38:51,467 --> 00:38:54,633 ALL THESE YEARS OF USING PAIN MEDICATION 762 00:38:54,633 --> 00:38:56,333 GOT YOU ADDICTED TO IT. 763 00:38:56,333 --> 00:38:58,767 YOU ARE A PAIN-MEDICA-- -I'M NOT. 764 00:38:58,767 --> 00:39:00,967 -WELL, YOU SAYING THAT -- -AT HOME, I DON'T EVEN TAKE IT 765 00:39:00,967 --> 00:39:02,333 EVERY DAY. 766 00:39:02,333 --> 00:39:04,867 PAULINE, NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY, RIGHT NOW, 767 00:39:04,867 --> 00:39:09,067 WE'VE GOT A SITUATION THAT IS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH, 768 00:39:09,067 --> 00:39:12,200 AND WE CANNOT CONTINUE WITH THAT. 769 00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:15,367 WE JUST CANNOT, OKAY? 770 00:39:15,367 --> 00:39:16,900 Dr. Nowzaradan: PAULINE NEEDS TO TAKE 771 00:39:16,900 --> 00:39:19,833 THIS OPPORTUNITY SERIOUSLY BECAUSE THIS MAY BE 772 00:39:19,833 --> 00:39:22,800 HER LAST CHANCE BEFORE HER HEALTH DECLINES AGAIN 773 00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:26,067 AND HER BODY GIVES OUT. 774 00:39:26,067 --> 00:39:27,733 Pauline: THERE'S NO WAY I'M GONNA BE ABLE TO DO 775 00:39:27,733 --> 00:39:31,567 WHAT HE'S ASKING ME TO UNTIL THEY GET THE PAIN TO STOP, 776 00:39:31,567 --> 00:39:35,567 BECAUSE IT HURTS TO DO ANYTHING. 777 00:39:35,567 --> 00:39:38,400 IT'S JUST SO FRUSTRATING RIGHT NOW. 778 00:39:49,333 --> 00:39:54,633 Chay: TODAY, I AM GATHERING SOME OF MY CLOSEST FAMILY AND FRIENDS 779 00:39:54,633 --> 00:39:57,567 BECAUSE I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL THEM. 780 00:39:57,567 --> 00:40:00,000 IT'S NOT MY WHOLE FAMILY. 781 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:01,400 MY MOM, HER GIRLFRIEND, 782 00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:03,733 AND MY FRIENDS HAILY AND LAUREN ARE HERE. 783 00:40:03,733 --> 00:40:06,333 CHAY HAS INVITED US ALL TO HIS HOUSE 784 00:40:06,333 --> 00:40:08,300 TO SHARE SOME KIND OF ANNOUNCEMENT. 785 00:40:08,300 --> 00:40:10,500 I'M KIND OF JUST WONDERING WHAT'S GOING ON. 786 00:40:10,500 --> 00:40:11,700 Cindy: YEAH, THERE'S NO TELLING 787 00:40:11,700 --> 00:40:13,533 WHAT CHAY'S INVITING ME HERE FOR. 788 00:40:13,533 --> 00:40:15,800 HE LOVES TO BE THE CENTER OF EVERYTHING. 789 00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:17,333 HE LIKES TO BE SEEN. 790 00:40:17,333 --> 00:40:19,167 Chay: I'M STARTING SMALL, 791 00:40:19,167 --> 00:40:22,533 BUT I KNOW WORD IS GOING TO SPREAD FAST AMONG MY FAMILY. 792 00:40:22,533 --> 00:40:24,467 I'M MOSTLY WORRIED ABOUT HOW MY AUNT 793 00:40:24,467 --> 00:40:27,400 AND UNCLE ARE GONNA RESPOND ONCE THEY HEAR, THOUGH. 794 00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:31,900 BECAUSE I LOVE THEM A LOT, BUT THEY'RE VERY CONSERVATIVE. 795 00:40:31,900 --> 00:40:36,533 TELLING THEM IS MY BIGGEST FEAR RIGHT NOW. 796 00:40:36,533 --> 00:40:40,700 BUT I'M GONNA OUT AND SHOW THEM WHO I AM -- 797 00:40:40,700 --> 00:40:46,167 THAT I'M A TRANSGENDERED WOMAN AND MY NAME IS LOLA. 798 00:40:46,167 --> 00:40:50,067 I WANT THEM TO SEE ME THAT WAY. 799 00:40:50,067 --> 00:40:52,000 BUT NO ONE HERE KNOWS ANYTHING 800 00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:54,500 ABOUT WHAT I'M ABOUT TO TELL THEM, 801 00:40:54,500 --> 00:40:59,067 SO I HAVE NO IDEA HOW ANY OF THEM ARE GONNA REACT. 802 00:40:59,067 --> 00:41:02,200 EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THIS IS SOMETHING I HAVE TO DO, 803 00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:04,133 I'M STILL SO SCARED RIGHT NOW 804 00:41:04,133 --> 00:41:07,933 BECAUSE I LOVE THEM AND I WANT ALL OF THEIR APPROVAL OF ME. 805 00:41:07,933 --> 00:41:11,567 SO I JUST HOPE EVERYTHING GOES WELL TODAY. 806 00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:21,200 ** 807 00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:23,300 [ SIGHS DEEPLY ] 808 00:41:23,300 --> 00:41:25,800 Chay: I'VE CALLED SOME OF MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS OVER 809 00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:28,300 FOR A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT TODAY. 810 00:41:28,300 --> 00:41:31,900 I'M ABOUT TO COME OUT TO THEM AS A TRANSGENDERED WOMAN, 811 00:41:31,900 --> 00:41:34,500 AND I'M GONNA ASK THAT THEY ALL SUPPORT ME 812 00:41:34,500 --> 00:41:39,267 AND TO CALL ME BY MY CHOSEN NAME NOW -- LOLA. 813 00:41:39,267 --> 00:41:41,400 ** 814 00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:44,933 [ SIGHS DEEPLY ] 815 00:41:50,633 --> 00:41:52,300 WHAT THE [BLEEP] 816 00:41:52,300 --> 00:41:55,600 TA-DA! 817 00:41:57,800 --> 00:41:59,067 THANK YOU. 818 00:41:59,067 --> 00:42:00,667 SO... 819 00:42:00,667 --> 00:42:05,067 I'VE CALLED YOU ALL HERE FOR THIS. 820 00:42:05,067 --> 00:42:10,700 I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW THAT I AM, INDEED, A TRANS WOMAN. 821 00:42:10,700 --> 00:42:15,100 I WOULD LIKE FOR YOU TO CALL ME BY FEMALE PRONOUNS, 822 00:42:15,100 --> 00:42:16,767 LIKE "HER," "SHE." 823 00:42:16,767 --> 00:42:21,533 AND I WOULD LIKE FOR YOU TO CALL ME LOLA INSTEAD OF CHAY. 824 00:42:21,533 --> 00:42:22,733 LOLA? 825 00:42:22,733 --> 00:42:24,900 LOLA, EVEN THOUGH CHAY WILL STILL BE MY NAME 826 00:42:24,900 --> 00:42:26,800 'CAUSE IT'LL BE MY MIDDLE NAME, 827 00:42:26,800 --> 00:42:29,067 BUT LOLA WILL BE MY CHOSEN FIRST NAME. 828 00:42:29,067 --> 00:42:35,733 SO, I'D LIKE TO KNOW, DO I HAVE YOU GUYS' SUPPORT? 829 00:42:35,733 --> 00:42:37,200 Cindy: YOU GOT MY SUPPORT, 830 00:42:37,200 --> 00:42:39,533 BUT I DON'T THINK I COULD EVER GET USED TO CALLING YOU LOLA. 831 00:42:39,533 --> 00:42:41,867 YOU CAN KEEP CALLING ME TATER. THAT'S FINE. 832 00:42:41,867 --> 00:42:43,400 YEAH, YOU GOT MY SUPPORT. 833 00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:44,800 IT DON'T MATTER TO ME. 834 00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:46,467 I LOVE YOU EITHER WAY. OKAY. 835 00:42:46,467 --> 00:42:49,433 I JUST WANT CHAY TO LIVE OUT THE REST OF HIS LIFE 836 00:42:49,433 --> 00:42:51,967 AS CHAY, LOLA, WHATEVER MAKES HIM HAPPY, 837 00:42:51,967 --> 00:42:54,233 AND STAY FOCUSED ON HIS WEIGHT LOSS 838 00:42:54,233 --> 00:42:55,700 AND SUCCEED AT IT. 839 00:42:55,700 --> 00:42:57,300 WHAT ABOUT YOU GUYS? 840 00:42:57,300 --> 00:42:59,700 IF I'M BEING HONEST, IT WASN'T THAT MUCH OF A SURPRISE. 841 00:42:59,700 --> 00:43:01,067 [ CHUCKLES ] 842 00:43:01,067 --> 00:43:02,300 SO YOU DEFINITELY HAVE MY SUPPORT. 843 00:43:02,300 --> 00:43:05,700 WELL, YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD MY SUPPORT FROM THE BEGINNING, 844 00:43:05,700 --> 00:43:07,400 SO THAT'S NOT GONNA CHANGE. 845 00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:10,133 APPARENTLY, I'M MORE TRANSPARENT THAN I THOUGHT. 846 00:43:10,133 --> 00:43:12,900 THEY ALL ACTED LIKE THEY JUST HAVE KNOWN FOREVER. 847 00:43:12,900 --> 00:43:15,633 IF I'M GONNA BE SUCCESSFUL WITH MY WEIGHT LOSS, 848 00:43:15,633 --> 00:43:17,967 I DON'T NEED TO BE REPRESSING ANYTHING. 849 00:43:17,967 --> 00:43:19,500 SINCE I'VE STARTED BEING MORE OPEN 850 00:43:19,500 --> 00:43:20,967 AND HONEST WITH MYSELF WITH THIS, 851 00:43:20,967 --> 00:43:23,967 I'VE NOTICED MY DESIRE TO JUST SENSELESSLY EAT 852 00:43:23,967 --> 00:43:25,933 HAS GONE DOWN A LOT. 853 00:43:25,933 --> 00:43:27,767 MY GENDER IDENTITY 854 00:43:27,767 --> 00:43:30,367 WAS DEFINITELY PART OF MY INNER CONFLICT, 855 00:43:30,367 --> 00:43:33,100 WHICH CAUSED ME TO OVEREAT. 856 00:43:33,100 --> 00:43:35,633 I FEEL SO MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE LIKE THIS. 857 00:43:35,633 --> 00:43:37,733 IT'S SO MUCH MORE NATURAL FOR ME. 858 00:43:37,733 --> 00:43:39,333 BUT THE OTHER MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY 859 00:43:39,333 --> 00:43:42,133 THAT ARE REALLY CONSERVATIVE ARE MY BIGGEST CONCERN. 860 00:43:42,133 --> 00:43:44,300 I KNOW THEY'RE GONNA HEAR ABOUT TODAY, 861 00:43:44,300 --> 00:43:46,533 AND I'M WORRIED ABOUT HOW THEY'RE GONNA REACT. 862 00:43:46,533 --> 00:43:48,500 WHAT DO YOU THINK OUR FAMILY'S GONNA SAY 863 00:43:48,500 --> 00:43:49,500 WHEN THEY SEE ALL THIS? 864 00:43:49,500 --> 00:43:51,833 THEY DON'T HAVE TO LIVE MY LIFE. 865 00:43:51,833 --> 00:43:55,267 IF MY FAMILY DOESN'T END UP ACCEPTING ME LIKE THIS, 866 00:43:55,267 --> 00:43:58,300 IT'S GONNA BE VERY HARD FOR ME TO DEAL WITH. 867 00:43:58,300 --> 00:44:01,467 BUT RIGHT NOW, I'M JUST GONNA LET WORD SPREAD 868 00:44:01,467 --> 00:44:04,433 AND THEN SEE HOW EVERYONE ELSE REACTS. 869 00:44:04,433 --> 00:44:07,700 I'M NERVOUS ABOUT IT, BUT I'M ALSO REALLY PROUD OF MYSELF 870 00:44:07,700 --> 00:44:10,900 FOR TAKING SUCH A HUGE STEP TODAY. 871 00:44:12,667 --> 00:44:15,767 ** 872 00:44:20,933 --> 00:44:24,467 Pauline: DR. NOW HAS SENT ME TO START SOME PHYSICAL THERAPY, 873 00:44:24,467 --> 00:44:26,933 BUT I'M NOT SURE THAT I'M GOING TO BE ABLE 874 00:44:26,933 --> 00:44:28,400 TO DO MUCH OF ANYTHING TODAY... 875 00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:29,967 ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU SO MUCH. 876 00:44:29,967 --> 00:44:31,267 MM-HMM. 877 00:44:31,267 --> 00:44:33,233 ...'CAUSE MY KNEES STILL HURT A LOT AND ARE VERY WEAK. 878 00:44:33,233 --> 00:44:35,267 ** 879 00:44:35,267 --> 00:44:37,900 AND NO ONE UNDERSTANDS HOW LIMITED I AM 880 00:44:37,900 --> 00:44:39,500 BECAUSE OF ALL THE PAIN. 881 00:44:39,500 --> 00:44:42,233 YOU HAVE A RAMP, RIGHT? 882 00:44:44,300 --> 00:44:47,267 I PROBABLY EXCEED THE LIMIT FOR THE CHAIR LIFT. 883 00:44:49,300 --> 00:44:51,967 I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH USING A CHAIR LIFT. 884 00:44:51,967 --> 00:44:54,533 MY BIGGEST PARANOID THING IS THAT I'M GONNA SLIP AND FALL 885 00:44:54,533 --> 00:44:56,167 'CAUSE I DON'T HAVE GOOD BALANCE. 886 00:44:56,167 --> 00:44:59,400 DO YOU MIND IF MY SON LOOKS OUT THERE JUST TO CHECK IT OUT? 887 00:45:00,867 --> 00:45:05,533 I'M AFRAID IF I PUSH MYSELF TOO HARD, I'M GOING TO HURT MYSELF. 888 00:45:11,067 --> 00:45:13,300 Woman: READY TO COME ON BACK? 889 00:45:13,300 --> 00:45:14,500 SURE. 890 00:45:14,500 --> 00:45:17,067 I DON'T THINK MY CHAIR'S GONNA FIT THROUGH THIS DOOR, 891 00:45:17,067 --> 00:45:19,433 SO I'M PROBABLY GONNA HAVE TO GET OUT SEPARATELY. 892 00:45:19,433 --> 00:45:21,267 HOW FAR CAN YOU WALK? 893 00:45:21,267 --> 00:45:23,267 I CAN WALK SEVERAL STEPS. 894 00:45:23,267 --> 00:45:24,533 OKAY. 895 00:45:24,533 --> 00:45:30,233 I DO WANT TO GET UP AND GET RID OF THE WHEELCHAIR... 896 00:45:30,233 --> 00:45:32,433 BECAUSE I'VE NEEDED IT FOR SO LONG. 897 00:45:32,433 --> 00:45:33,667 HOO! 898 00:45:33,667 --> 00:45:35,300 YOU GOT IT. 899 00:45:35,300 --> 00:45:36,533 GET IN. 900 00:45:36,533 --> 00:45:38,300 [ GROANING ] 901 00:45:39,867 --> 00:45:41,333 [ MOANS ] 902 00:45:41,333 --> 00:45:46,167 BUT RIGHT NOW, THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH I CAN PUSH MYSELF TO DO. 903 00:45:46,167 --> 00:45:49,067 AND I'M REALLY SCARED OF FALLING. 904 00:45:49,067 --> 00:45:50,200 GOT IT? YEAH. 905 00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:51,433 LOVELY. 906 00:45:51,433 --> 00:45:53,300 IF YOU'RE OVERWEIGHT FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME, 907 00:45:53,300 --> 00:45:55,067 IT IS A LOT OF WEAR AND TEAR ON YOUR KNEES. 908 00:45:55,067 --> 00:45:57,800 I'D LIKE TO SEE HER REALLY TRY TO PUSH HERSELF, 909 00:45:57,800 --> 00:46:00,267 BUT SHE'S STILL DISCOVERING HER LIMITS. 910 00:46:00,267 --> 00:46:01,767 PUT THE HEEL DOWN FIRST. 911 00:46:01,767 --> 00:46:03,300 HEEL, TOE, HEEL, TOE. 912 00:46:03,300 --> 00:46:04,900 OOH, THAT'S DIFFERENT, 913 00:46:04,900 --> 00:46:07,967 'CAUSE I'M USED TO DOING THE BALL OF MY FOOT FIRST. 914 00:46:07,967 --> 00:46:09,167 NICE, GOOD. 915 00:46:09,167 --> 00:46:12,367 AND THEN WE'RE GONNA GO BACKWARDS. 916 00:46:12,367 --> 00:46:13,800 OH, BACKWARDS. 917 00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:17,300 Pauline: MOVING AROUND IN THE POOL ISN'T SO BAD. 918 00:46:17,300 --> 00:46:18,533 JUST EASIER. 919 00:46:18,533 --> 00:46:21,667 LIKE, YOU JUST GLIDE RIGHT THROUGH. 920 00:46:22,900 --> 00:46:25,933 AND IT FEELS LIKE SOME OF THE PRESSURE IS OFF MY KNEE NOW. 921 00:46:25,933 --> 00:46:27,100 VERY GOOD. 922 00:46:27,100 --> 00:46:29,067 SO, WE'RE GONNA HOLD THIS ONE FOR 30 SECONDS, 923 00:46:29,067 --> 00:46:31,167 AND THEN WE'LL SWITCH OUT TO THE OTHER LEG. 924 00:46:31,167 --> 00:46:32,300 OKAY. 925 00:46:32,300 --> 00:46:33,767 I'VE BEEN AFRAID TO MOVE BECAUSE OF THE PAIN. 926 00:46:33,767 --> 00:46:38,367 BUT AFTER TODAY, I'M STARTING TO SEE HOW I CAN DO THIS. 927 00:46:39,933 --> 00:46:43,167 ** 928 00:46:46,133 --> 00:46:48,933 SO I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO DOING MORE 929 00:46:48,933 --> 00:46:54,267 BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO KEEP LIVING LIKE I AM. 930 00:46:54,267 --> 00:46:57,067 I'VE JUST BEEN SCARED OF HURTING MYSELF 931 00:46:57,067 --> 00:46:59,600 AND OF ALL THE PAIN OF MOVING AROUND. 932 00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:01,733 AND GETTING UP AND MOVING AROUND 933 00:47:01,733 --> 00:47:04,333 ISN'T SOMETHING I SHOULD BE AFRAID OF. 934 00:47:04,333 --> 00:47:07,733 ** 935 00:47:21,333 --> 00:47:22,667 Lola: IT'S BEEN ABOUT A WEEK 936 00:47:22,667 --> 00:47:24,467 SINCE I TOLD SOME OF MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS 937 00:47:24,467 --> 00:47:25,833 THAT I'M TRANSGENDERED 938 00:47:25,833 --> 00:47:28,533 AND THAT I INTEND TO START LIVING AS A WOMAN. 939 00:47:28,533 --> 00:47:31,167 AND WORD HAS SPREAD REALLY FAST. 940 00:47:31,167 --> 00:47:36,367 A LOT OF THEM HAVE SENT ME THESE WONDERFUL MESSAGES OF SUPPORT. 941 00:47:36,367 --> 00:47:38,167 BUT I FEEL LIKE MY AUNT AND UNCLE 942 00:47:38,167 --> 00:47:40,333 DIDN'T RESPOND WELL TO THE NEWS ABOUT ME. 943 00:47:40,333 --> 00:47:43,167 AND TODAY, I SAW THIS VIDEO MY AUNT SHARED ONLINE 944 00:47:43,167 --> 00:47:45,700 THAT SEEMS TO BE DIRECTED AT ME, 945 00:47:45,700 --> 00:47:48,200 BECAUSE IT'S THIS GUY GOING ON ABOUT TRANSGENDERED PEOPLE 946 00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:49,967 USING THE BATHROOM. 947 00:47:49,967 --> 00:47:52,967 [ Chuckling ] THIS IS SO STUPID. 948 00:47:52,967 --> 00:47:54,633 THIS IS SO STUPID. 949 00:47:54,633 --> 00:47:56,800 I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING THEY'VE DONE FOR ME 950 00:47:56,800 --> 00:47:58,167 WITH MY WEIGHT-LOSS JOURNEY, 951 00:47:58,167 --> 00:48:00,100 AND I WILL NEVER NOT APPRECIATE IT. 952 00:48:00,100 --> 00:48:02,533 YOU'RE NOT TAKING IT SERIOUS. 953 00:48:02,533 --> 00:48:03,533 YES, I AM. 954 00:48:03,533 --> 00:48:05,233 IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY ON YOU. 955 00:48:05,233 --> 00:48:07,467 EVEN IF YOU GET THE SURGERY, IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY ON YOU. 956 00:48:07,467 --> 00:48:08,767 I KNOW IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY. 957 00:48:08,767 --> 00:48:10,067 I KNOW THAT. 958 00:48:10,067 --> 00:48:11,967 YOU'RE JUST UPSET. 959 00:48:13,067 --> 00:48:15,700 BUT IT REALLY HURTS ME THAT SHE DID THIS 960 00:48:15,700 --> 00:48:18,333 BECAUSE SHE KNOWS ABOUT ME NOW, 961 00:48:18,333 --> 00:48:22,733 AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I DIDN'T WANT TO HAPPEN. 962 00:48:22,733 --> 00:48:25,233 I KNEW THIS WAS A POSSIBILITY, 963 00:48:25,233 --> 00:48:28,100 BUT I WAS HOPING THEY'D STILL ACCEPT ME. 964 00:48:28,100 --> 00:48:32,600 AND FINDING OUT RIGHT NOW THAT THEY DON'T HURTS. 965 00:48:32,600 --> 00:48:36,867 I'M JUST SO DISAPPOINTED AND UPSET RIGHT NOW. 966 00:48:36,867 --> 00:48:39,700 I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS. 967 00:48:44,067 --> 00:48:47,733 ** 968 00:48:57,067 --> 00:49:00,800 Lola: EMOTIONALLY, I'VE BEEN A BIT OF A WRECK LATELY. 969 00:49:00,800 --> 00:49:02,333 ** 970 00:49:02,333 --> 00:49:05,600 I KNEW THE RISK I WAS TAKING COMING OUT TO MY FAMILY 971 00:49:05,600 --> 00:49:09,067 AND THAT SOME OF THEM WOULDN'T NECESSARILY SUPPORT ME. 972 00:49:09,067 --> 00:49:13,800 BUT WHAT I DIDN'T EXPECT WAS FOR MY AUNT TO POST SOMETHING 973 00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:17,067 AGAINST TRANSGENDERED PEOPLE ONLINE. 974 00:49:17,067 --> 00:49:21,967 I'M SO HURT RIGHT NOW, AND I CAN'T SIT BY 975 00:49:21,967 --> 00:49:25,067 AND LET HER DO THIS WITHOUT SAYING SOMETHING. 976 00:49:25,067 --> 00:49:28,167 SO I'M GOING OVER TO HER PLACE TO CONFRONT HER ABOUT IT. 977 00:49:28,167 --> 00:49:31,100 ** 978 00:49:32,133 --> 00:49:36,133 I'M NOT KEEPING THINGS INSIDE ANYMORE. 979 00:49:37,667 --> 00:49:40,633 ** 980 00:50:00,067 --> 00:50:01,167 [ ENGINE STARTS ] 981 00:50:01,167 --> 00:50:03,467 ** 982 00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:08,000 SO, THAT WAS A LONG CONVERSATION. 983 00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:11,233 I THINK WE'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO RESPECT THE FACT 984 00:50:11,233 --> 00:50:14,300 THAT WE ARE NOT GOING TO AGREE ON THIS. 985 00:50:16,333 --> 00:50:19,400 AND THAT HURTS BECAUSE I DO LOVE HER, 986 00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:22,733 AND I WANT HER TO ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM. 987 00:50:22,733 --> 00:50:26,933 ** 988 00:50:27,967 --> 00:50:31,733 I'M GONNA MAKE THE TRANSITION TO BECOME A FEMALE. 989 00:50:31,733 --> 00:50:33,800 AND IF MY FAMILY CAN'T EMBRACE THAT, 990 00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:36,500 THEN I'M GONNA HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO DEAL WITH IT. 991 00:50:36,500 --> 00:50:40,133 BECAUSE NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT THIS. 992 00:50:40,133 --> 00:50:43,467 THIS IS WHO I AM. 993 00:50:52,833 --> 00:50:54,567 Pauline: I'VE REALLY BEEN WORKING HARD 994 00:50:54,567 --> 00:50:55,767 THESE PAST COUPLE OF MONTHS 995 00:50:55,767 --> 00:50:58,500 TO DO WHAT THE DOCTOR WANTED ME TO DO. 996 00:50:58,500 --> 00:51:01,800 I WAS HESITANT ABOUT DOING ANYTHING AT A REHAB FACILITY, 997 00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:05,067 BUT ONCE I WENT AND STARTED EXERCISING, 998 00:51:05,067 --> 00:51:07,067 I WAS REALLY GLAD I DID. 999 00:51:07,067 --> 00:51:08,467 Woman: MRS. POTTER? 1000 00:51:08,467 --> 00:51:11,733 AND THE KNEE PAIN HAS GOTTEN A LOT BETTER. 1001 00:51:11,733 --> 00:51:13,500 AND I FEEL REALLY GOOD 1002 00:51:13,500 --> 00:51:16,900 ABOUT WHAT MY PROGRESS IS GOING TO BE TODAY. 1003 00:51:16,900 --> 00:51:19,333 ** 1004 00:51:19,333 --> 00:51:22,800 353. 1005 00:51:22,800 --> 00:51:25,733 ** 1006 00:51:25,733 --> 00:51:27,867 I'M FEELING PRETTY GOOD ABOUT MY WEIGHT, 1007 00:51:27,867 --> 00:51:30,867 EVEN THOUGH IT'S SHOWING I'VE GAINED SINCE MY LAST WEIGH-IN. 1008 00:51:30,867 --> 00:51:33,067 NOT GONNA LET IT GET ME DOWN. 1009 00:51:33,067 --> 00:51:35,067 I'M JUST GONNA WORK HARDER 1010 00:51:35,067 --> 00:51:38,500 TO HAVE A BETTER LOSS FOR NEXT MONTH. 1011 00:51:38,500 --> 00:51:41,133 HELLO. 1012 00:51:41,133 --> 00:51:42,867 HI, DR. NOW. HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING? 1013 00:51:42,867 --> 00:51:44,833 HANGING IN THERE. 1014 00:51:44,833 --> 00:51:46,900 SO, YOU ARE 353 POUNDS. 1015 00:51:46,900 --> 00:51:48,067 YEAH. 1016 00:51:48,067 --> 00:51:51,167 I HAD A 5-POUND GAIN FROM THE LAST TIME, 1017 00:51:51,167 --> 00:51:53,233 WHICH I'M NOT GONNA LET DISCOURAGE ME 1018 00:51:53,233 --> 00:51:55,267 BECAUSE I CAN GET TO THE POOL AND -- 1019 00:51:55,267 --> 00:51:57,067 WELL, YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT. 1020 00:51:57,067 --> 00:52:01,267 WHEN YOU LEFT THE HOSPITAL, YOU WERE 333 POUNDS. 1021 00:52:01,267 --> 00:52:03,533 YOU HAVEN'T GAINED 5 POUNDS. 1022 00:52:03,533 --> 00:52:04,533 YOU GAINED 20. 1023 00:52:04,533 --> 00:52:07,067 THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. 1024 00:52:07,067 --> 00:52:09,767 Dr. Nowzaradan: PAULINE HAS LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT, 1025 00:52:09,767 --> 00:52:12,533 BUT IT'S ONLY BECAUSE OF HER INABILITY 1026 00:52:12,533 --> 00:52:15,233 TO KEEP FOOD DOWN WHEN SHE HAD ULCERS 1027 00:52:15,233 --> 00:52:19,067 AND THEN BECAUSE OF HER CONTROLLED DIET IN THE HOSPITAL. 1028 00:52:19,067 --> 00:52:20,967 BUT NOW THAT SHE'S ON HER OWN AGAIN, 1029 00:52:20,967 --> 00:52:23,100 SHE STARTED GAINING. 1030 00:52:23,100 --> 00:52:25,967 YOU'RE FALLING BACK TO THE SAME ABNORMAL EATING HABITS 1031 00:52:25,967 --> 00:52:27,100 THAT YOU HAD. 1032 00:52:27,100 --> 00:52:29,633 YOU'RE WAY BEYOND YOUR CALORIE REQUIREMENT. 1033 00:52:29,633 --> 00:52:31,900 I FEEL LIKE I HAVE CHANGED IT SOMEWHAT, 1034 00:52:31,900 --> 00:52:34,567 BUT THERE'S BEEN A LITTLE BIT OF CIRCUMSTANCES, 1035 00:52:34,567 --> 00:52:37,133 AND I HAD REALLY BAD KNEE PAIN, AND -- 1036 00:52:37,133 --> 00:52:40,467 PAULINE, YOU'RE GETTING THAT MUCH AWAY 1037 00:52:40,467 --> 00:52:43,100 FROM ME FIRING YOU FROM MY CARE. 1038 00:52:43,100 --> 00:52:44,600 OKAY? THAT MUCH. 1039 00:52:44,600 --> 00:52:46,533 OKAY, BUT WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG? 1040 00:52:46,533 --> 00:52:47,767 I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 1041 00:52:47,767 --> 00:52:50,200 WHAT YOU HAVE DONE WRONG -- I TOLD YOU FROM DECEMBER, 1042 00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:52,067 YOU NEED TO LOSE 15 POUNDS A MONTH. 1043 00:52:52,067 --> 00:52:54,067 OKAY. YOU DIDN'T LOSE IT. 1044 00:52:54,067 --> 00:52:56,267 SO IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA START LISTENING HERE, 1045 00:52:56,267 --> 00:52:57,900 I'M NOT GONNA TAKE CARE OF YOU. 1046 00:52:57,900 --> 00:52:59,167 I'VE BEEN LISTENING. 1047 00:52:59,167 --> 00:53:02,600 OKAY, IF YOU'D BEEN LISTENING WHEN YOU WERE 333 POUNDS, 1048 00:53:02,600 --> 00:53:04,633 YOU OUGHT TO LOSE 15 POUNDS A MONTH. 1049 00:53:04,633 --> 00:53:05,667 OKAY? 1050 00:53:05,667 --> 00:53:07,867 YOU DIDN'T LOSE 15 POUNDS A MONTH. 1051 00:53:07,867 --> 00:53:09,200 YOU'VE GAINED POUNDS. 1052 00:53:09,200 --> 00:53:10,267 YOU GOT THAT? YES. 1053 00:53:10,267 --> 00:53:12,067 WHAT ARE YOU GETTING SO HUFFY ABOUT? 1054 00:53:12,067 --> 00:53:15,300 YOU KEEP MUDDYING THIS WATER, BRINGING IN ALL THESE ISSUES, 1055 00:53:15,300 --> 00:53:16,967 AND I'M NOT GONNA PUT UP WITH THAT. 1056 00:53:16,967 --> 00:53:19,467 I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO GOOD. 1057 00:53:19,467 --> 00:53:21,500 I HAD A LITTLE SETBACK THIS TIME. 1058 00:53:21,500 --> 00:53:23,433 I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY OF THAT STUFF. 1059 00:53:23,433 --> 00:53:25,967 YOU KNOW THAT THE EFFECT OF SURGERY 1060 00:53:25,967 --> 00:53:28,367 IS GONNA FADE AWAY IN FIVE YEARS, 1061 00:53:28,367 --> 00:53:31,067 AND YOU'RE GONNA BE BACK TO THE 700, 600 POUNDS 1062 00:53:31,067 --> 00:53:32,333 THAT YOU WERE BEFORE. 1063 00:53:34,367 --> 00:53:36,500 PAULINE HAS TO WAKE UP NOW 1064 00:53:36,500 --> 00:53:38,467 BECAUSE SHE CANNOT AFFORD TO START GAINING. 1065 00:53:38,467 --> 00:53:41,867 IF HER HEALTH STARTS TO DECLINE AGAIN, 1066 00:53:41,867 --> 00:53:43,867 THEN WE MAY NOT BE ABLE TO SAVE HER. 1067 00:53:43,867 --> 00:53:48,067 THIS IS A CHANCE TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE AND GET HEALTHY, 1068 00:53:48,067 --> 00:53:50,267 AND IF YOU DON'T DO IT NOW, 1069 00:53:50,267 --> 00:53:52,933 YOU'RE NOT GONNA SURVIVE LONG ENOUGH TO GET A SECOND CHANCE. 1070 00:53:52,933 --> 00:53:54,067 ALL RIGHT. 1071 00:53:54,067 --> 00:53:56,433 I WANT YOU TO LOSE 15 POUNDS A MONTH, 1072 00:53:56,433 --> 00:54:00,200 AND IF YOU STICK WITH THE DIET, YOU'RE GONNA BE ABLE TO DO THAT. 1073 00:54:00,200 --> 00:54:01,367 OKAY? 1074 00:54:01,367 --> 00:54:02,867 OKAY. ALL RIGHT. 1075 00:54:05,400 --> 00:54:08,867 I MANAGED TO MAKE DR. NOW MAD, AND... 1076 00:54:11,233 --> 00:54:14,233 I JUST THOUGHT I WAS DOING BETTER. 1077 00:54:14,233 --> 00:54:17,533 Dillon: I THINK HE WAS A LITTLE HARSH, 1078 00:54:17,533 --> 00:54:20,167 BUT I KIND OF UNDERSTAND WHERE HE'S COMING FROM. 1079 00:54:20,167 --> 00:54:22,300 Dillon: SHE COULD BE DOING BETTER, 1080 00:54:22,300 --> 00:54:25,500 BUT SHE HASN'T HAD THE TIME 'CAUSE WE'VE BEEN SO BUSY. 1081 00:54:27,533 --> 00:54:30,267 Pauline: I DIDN'T GO IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION, 1082 00:54:30,267 --> 00:54:33,367 BUT, I MEAN, HE'S GOT HIS RIGHT TO HIS OWN OPINION. 1083 00:54:33,367 --> 00:54:37,067 ALL I CAN DO IS TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME. 1084 00:54:41,467 --> 00:54:44,667 ** 1085 00:54:50,200 --> 00:54:51,800 Pauline: WITH MY WEIGHT GAIN, 1086 00:54:51,800 --> 00:54:56,133 DR. NOW FEELS I'VE BEEN SLIPPING BACK INTO OLD HABITS, 1087 00:54:56,133 --> 00:55:00,233 AND I REALIZE NOW HOW CLOSE TO DEATH I WAS. 1088 00:55:00,233 --> 00:55:02,533 I DON'T WANT TO EVER END UP BACK THERE, 1089 00:55:02,533 --> 00:55:04,067 SO I'M SEEING A LIFE COACH 1090 00:55:04,067 --> 00:55:07,367 TO GET MY LIFE MOVING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION AGAIN. 1091 00:55:07,367 --> 00:55:12,333 AND WHATEVER HELP I CAN GET TO DO THAT RIGHT NOW, I WANT. 1092 00:55:12,333 --> 00:55:13,900 WELCOME. 1093 00:55:13,900 --> 00:55:16,267 OKAY, SO YOU HAVE MADE A LOT OF PROGRESS BEFORE I MET YOU. 1094 00:55:16,267 --> 00:55:17,533 SO I GUESS IF IT'S OKAY, 1095 00:55:17,533 --> 00:55:19,867 I'D LIKE TO JUST GET YOU TO TELL ME A LITTLE BIT MORE 1096 00:55:19,867 --> 00:55:21,200 ABOUT HOW YOU CAME TO THIS POINT. 1097 00:55:21,200 --> 00:55:22,200 Pauline: OKAY. 1098 00:55:22,200 --> 00:55:24,333 I'VE BEEN HEAVY ALL OF MY LIFE. 1099 00:55:24,333 --> 00:55:25,333 MM-HMM. 1100 00:55:25,333 --> 00:55:27,900 I WAS 700, AND NOW I'M ABOUT 352. 1101 00:55:27,900 --> 00:55:29,367 OKAY, SO YOU'VE COME A LONG WAY. 1102 00:55:29,367 --> 00:55:30,667 YEAH. 1103 00:55:30,667 --> 00:55:32,200 SO, COMING IN HERE TODAY, THERE MAY BE SOME GOALS 1104 00:55:32,200 --> 00:55:36,500 THAT YOU HAVE IN MIND THAT'S SEPARATE FROM THE WEIGHT. 1105 00:55:36,500 --> 00:55:39,533 TO ME, HONESTLY, I WOULD BE SO HAPPY TO JUST BE WORKING AGAIN. 1106 00:55:39,533 --> 00:55:44,833 I'VE BEEN WANTING NOTHING BUT TO GET BACK INTO SOCIETY, 1107 00:55:44,833 --> 00:55:48,333 AND I REALLY BADLY WANT TO BE NORMAL. 1108 00:55:48,333 --> 00:55:50,733 THERE WAS SO MANY THINGS I COULDN'T DO AT 700, 1109 00:55:50,733 --> 00:55:53,067 AND FOR ABOUT THE LAST SIX TO EIGHT YEARS, MY SON -- 1110 00:55:53,067 --> 00:55:54,667 HE'S BEEN THE ONE TAKING CARE OF ME, 1111 00:55:54,667 --> 00:55:56,733 HELPING ME GET DRESSED, COOKING, DOING LAUNDRY. 1112 00:55:56,733 --> 00:55:58,567 HE WAS THE ONE DOING ALL THAT. 1113 00:55:58,567 --> 00:56:02,900 OKAY, SO YOU MENTIONED A JOB AND BEING MORE INDEPENDENT. 1114 00:56:02,900 --> 00:56:04,067 YEAH. 1115 00:56:04,067 --> 00:56:05,233 OKAY. 1116 00:56:05,233 --> 00:56:06,933 ALL RIGHT, WELL, I WANT TO GET TO YOUR GOALS, 1117 00:56:06,933 --> 00:56:08,833 BUT IT HELPS SO MUCH TO UNDERSTAND 1118 00:56:08,833 --> 00:56:10,167 SORT OF THE SELF-CRITIC 1119 00:56:10,167 --> 00:56:12,333 VERSUS THE SELF-COMPASSIONATE VOICES THAT YOU HAVE. 1120 00:56:12,333 --> 00:56:13,567 OKAY. 1121 00:56:13,567 --> 00:56:16,067 SO, YOU'VE BEEN SITTING RIGHT OVER HERE, OKAY? 1122 00:56:16,067 --> 00:56:19,667 SO I WANT YOU TO MOVE OVER HERE INTO THIS SELF-CRITIC'S SEAT. 1123 00:56:19,667 --> 00:56:20,667 OKAY. 1124 00:56:20,667 --> 00:56:24,467 IT'S GOOD EXERCISE TO MOVE, I GUESS. 1125 00:56:24,467 --> 00:56:25,967 [ CHUCKLES ] 1126 00:56:25,967 --> 00:56:29,433 SO I WANT YOU TO KIND OF TURN TOWARD YOURSELF HERE. 1127 00:56:29,433 --> 00:56:30,433 OKAY. 1128 00:56:30,433 --> 00:56:31,833 SO, PAULINE, RIGHT NOW, 1129 00:56:31,833 --> 00:56:34,100 I WANT YOU TO BECOME THAT CRITICAL VOICE, 1130 00:56:34,100 --> 00:56:36,400 AND I WANT YOU TO TELL PAULINE OVER HERE 1131 00:56:36,400 --> 00:56:39,433 WHO HAS ALL THESE GOALS AND IDEAS WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. 1132 00:56:39,433 --> 00:56:41,300 I WANT THE CRITIC TO COME OUT. 1133 00:56:41,300 --> 00:56:42,933 WOW. I DON'T KNOW. 1134 00:56:42,933 --> 00:56:46,067 I WOULD SAY, WHAT IF YOU CAN'T DO THE JOB? 1135 00:56:46,067 --> 00:56:47,567 WHAT IF YOU THINK YOU CAN DO IT 1136 00:56:47,567 --> 00:56:49,233 AND YOU MESS UP AND THEY FIRE YOU? 1137 00:56:49,233 --> 00:56:50,733 WHAT IF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE YOU, 1138 00:56:50,733 --> 00:56:54,800 OR WHAT IF YOU PHYSICALLY CAN'T GET UP THE STAIRS? 1139 00:56:54,800 --> 00:56:56,300 SO, LOTS OF FEAR. 1140 00:56:56,300 --> 00:56:57,567 A LOT OF FEAR. 1141 00:56:57,567 --> 00:56:59,867 BECAUSE MENTALLY, I AM STILL 700. 1142 00:56:59,867 --> 00:57:02,700 IN MY MIND, I CARRY IT WITH ME EVERY DAY. 1143 00:57:02,700 --> 00:57:05,867 ALL RIGHT, SO I WANT THE HEALTHY PAULINE OVER HERE TO COME BACK. 1144 00:57:05,867 --> 00:57:07,067 [ Chuckling ] OKAY. 1145 00:57:07,067 --> 00:57:08,533 [ CLEARS THROAT ] 1146 00:57:10,067 --> 00:57:13,133 OKAY. RESPOND TO HER COMMENTS. 1147 00:57:13,133 --> 00:57:15,200 THIS IS YOUR HEALTHY VOICE TALKING TO THE CRITIC. 1148 00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:18,067 SO, YOU KNOW, IT'D BE LIKE, "I KNOW YOU'RE AFRAID. 1149 00:57:18,067 --> 00:57:19,067 I HEAR THE FEAR." 1150 00:57:19,067 --> 00:57:21,967 I KNOW YOU'RE AFRAID, AND I HEAR THE FEAR. 1151 00:57:21,967 --> 00:57:23,333 BUT TOO BAD WHAT YOU THINK. 1152 00:57:23,333 --> 00:57:24,700 I'M GOING TO TRY IT ANYWAY. 1153 00:57:24,700 --> 00:57:27,833 AND I'M SURE THEY THINK I'M CAPABLE OF DOING THE JOB 1154 00:57:27,833 --> 00:57:30,733 OR THEY WOULDN'T HAVE HIRED ME. 1155 00:57:30,733 --> 00:57:32,133 EXCELLENT. 1156 00:57:32,133 --> 00:57:34,600 YEAH, AND SO LET'S REMIND THAT FEARFUL PART OF YOURSELF 1157 00:57:34,600 --> 00:57:37,067 THE SUCCESSES YOU'VE CREATED, THE WEIGHT YOU'VE LOST. 1158 00:57:37,067 --> 00:57:38,967 I MEAN, GIVE -- GIVE THAT PART -- 1159 00:57:38,967 --> 00:57:40,667 YEAH, I'VE LOST HALF OF ME. 1160 00:57:40,667 --> 00:57:43,133 THAT IS, LIKE, A MIRACLE IN ITSELF. 1161 00:57:43,133 --> 00:57:44,333 AND I THINK WE COULD SUCCEED. 1162 00:57:44,333 --> 00:57:46,500 WE JUST CANNOT GIVE UP, AND... 1163 00:57:46,500 --> 00:57:49,167 AND I WILL HOLD YOUR HAND THROUGH THIS. 1164 00:57:49,167 --> 00:57:51,467 [ CHUCKLES ] IT'S KIND OF WEIRD. 1165 00:57:51,467 --> 00:57:53,633 THAT'S WONDERFUL. "I WILL HOLD YOUR HAND THROUGH THIS." 1166 00:57:53,633 --> 00:57:56,667 I'M NOT TRYING TO GET EMOTIONAL. 1167 00:57:56,667 --> 00:57:59,067 SO, THE EMOTIONAL STUFF, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT A MINUTE, 1168 00:57:59,067 --> 00:58:01,300 'CAUSE THE EMOTION IS BEAUTIFUL, AND THIS IS -- 1169 00:58:01,300 --> 00:58:03,967 AND THE EMOTION HAPPENED WHEN YOU CONNECTED WITH YOURSELF 1170 00:58:03,967 --> 00:58:05,867 AND COMFORTED YOURSELF. 1171 00:58:05,867 --> 00:58:07,067 LIKE, "I'M GONNA HOLD YOUR HAND." 1172 00:58:07,067 --> 00:58:08,400 THAT WAS THE PART -- "I'M GONNA HOLD YOUR HAND. 1173 00:58:08,400 --> 00:58:09,400 I'M HERE FOR YOU." 1174 00:58:09,400 --> 00:58:11,200 I DON'T KNOW WHY IT'S EMOTIONAL. 1175 00:58:11,200 --> 00:58:12,300 YEAH. 1176 00:58:12,300 --> 00:58:14,733 I THINK I'VE DONE A LOT OF HOLDING MY OWN HAND 1177 00:58:14,733 --> 00:58:17,433 THROUGH A LOT OF THINGS IN LIFE. 1178 00:58:17,433 --> 00:58:19,267 WE DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE THE FEAR BEHIND. 1179 00:58:19,267 --> 00:58:20,733 WE DON'T HAVE TO OVERCOME IT. 1180 00:58:20,733 --> 00:58:22,733 IT'S JUST A PART OF WHO I AM THAT I ACCEPT. 1181 00:58:22,733 --> 00:58:26,400 I THINK MOST OF MY PAIN OR NEEDING FOR COMFORT 1182 00:58:26,400 --> 00:58:32,567 HAS STEMMED FROM FEELING NOT ACCEPTED BECAUSE I WAS 700. 1183 00:58:32,567 --> 00:58:35,567 BUT NOW THAT THINGS ARE CHANGING, 1184 00:58:35,567 --> 00:58:37,800 I STILL WANT TO BE OUT THERE, 1185 00:58:37,800 --> 00:58:40,233 AND I REALLY, REALLY WANTED TO GIVE MY SON HIS LIFE BACK 1186 00:58:40,233 --> 00:58:42,867 BECAUSE I NOTICE THAT I DEPEND ON HIM A LOT. 1187 00:58:42,867 --> 00:58:46,067 IF HE SAYS I CAN DO IT, THEN I KNOW -- THEN I CAN DO IT. 1188 00:58:46,067 --> 00:58:48,533 RIGHT, AND SO BUT TODAY, HE'S NOT IN THIS ROOM, IS HE? 1189 00:58:48,533 --> 00:58:49,967 NO, HE IS NOT. YEAH. 1190 00:58:49,967 --> 00:58:52,267 NO, AND SO AS YOU SEPARATE 1191 00:58:52,267 --> 00:58:56,700 AND GIVE MORE SPACE TO YOUR SON AND HAVE MORE SEPARATENESS, 1192 00:58:56,700 --> 00:58:59,433 THAT LEAVES ROOM FOR SOMETHING TO FLOW IN THERE. 1193 00:58:59,433 --> 00:59:01,333 WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GONNA FLOW INTO THAT SPACE? 1194 00:59:01,333 --> 00:59:03,967 YOU KNOW, THE NEW JOB AND GOING ON SOCIAL OUTINGS, 1195 00:59:03,967 --> 00:59:05,967 AND SO IT'S NOT THAT WE'LL LOSE DILLON. 1196 00:59:05,967 --> 00:59:08,300 IT'S JUST THAT WE'LL HAVE TWO SEPARATE, INDEPENDENT LIVES, 1197 00:59:08,300 --> 00:59:10,800 AND WE'LL COME TOGETHER AND HAVE MORE TO SHARE AND TALK ABOUT. 1198 00:59:10,800 --> 00:59:12,233 RIGHT. 1199 00:59:12,233 --> 00:59:14,300 ALL RIGHT, WELL, PAULINE, I'VE ENJOYED OUR TIME TOGETHER. 1200 00:59:14,300 --> 00:59:16,067 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING. 1201 00:59:16,067 --> 00:59:17,533 THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME. 1202 00:59:17,533 --> 00:59:18,933 I APPRECIATE IT. YEAH. 1203 00:59:18,933 --> 00:59:20,767 WELL, AND I'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME. 1204 00:59:20,767 --> 00:59:22,067 OKAY. 1205 00:59:22,067 --> 00:59:24,867 I DO WANT TO GET OUT MORE, AND I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE 1206 00:59:24,867 --> 00:59:28,133 HOW I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH OPPORTUNITIES IN MY LIFE 1207 00:59:28,133 --> 00:59:30,667 TO BE SOCIAL OUTSIDE OF DILLON 1208 00:59:30,667 --> 00:59:33,133 AND HOW I NEED TO START DOING THINGS 1209 00:59:33,133 --> 00:59:35,833 WHERE I CAN DEVELOP THOSE RELATIONSHIPS, 1210 00:59:35,833 --> 00:59:38,067 AND I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. 1211 00:59:38,067 --> 00:59:40,633 ** 1212 00:59:48,067 --> 00:59:49,900 Lola: TODAY, I'M HEADED TO SEE DR. NOWZARADAN 1213 00:59:49,900 --> 00:59:51,433 FOR ANOTHER FOLLOW-UP APPOINTMENT. 1214 00:59:51,433 --> 00:59:52,967 ** 1215 00:59:52,967 --> 00:59:55,633 IT'S BEEN THREE MONTHS SINCE I'VE SEEN HIM, 1216 00:59:55,633 --> 00:59:57,600 AND HE WANTED ME TO LOSE 64 POUNDS 1217 00:59:57,600 --> 00:59:59,633 AND GET UNDER 400 SO HE COULD CONSIDER ME 1218 00:59:59,633 --> 01:00:01,100 FOR SKIN SURGERY. 1219 01:00:01,100 --> 01:00:02,667 ** 1220 01:00:02,667 --> 01:00:05,867 BUT IT'S JUST BEEN A REALLY EMOTIONAL TIME IN MY LIFE. 1221 01:00:05,867 --> 01:00:08,867 I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH SO MUCH THAT IT'S JUST BEEN REALLY HARD 1222 01:00:08,867 --> 01:00:10,667 TO EVEN PAY ATTENTION TO MY DIET. 1223 01:00:10,667 --> 01:00:13,967 SO MY BEST FRIEND LAUREN SAID SHE'D COME WITH ME 1224 01:00:13,967 --> 01:00:15,833 TO HELP BE MY MORAL SUPPORT 1225 01:00:15,833 --> 01:00:18,300 IF THE SCALE DOESN'T GIVE ME GOOD NEWS TODAY. 1226 01:00:19,600 --> 01:00:23,233 I HONESTLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MY PROGRESS IS RIGHT NOW. 1227 01:00:24,267 --> 01:00:25,600 OUCH. 1228 01:00:25,600 --> 01:00:26,733 ** 1229 01:00:30,700 --> 01:00:32,800 THAT'S NOT MUCH WEIGHT LOSS, 1230 01:00:32,800 --> 01:00:35,167 AND I'M NOT REALLY LOOKING FORWARD 1231 01:00:35,167 --> 01:00:37,833 TO WHAT DR. NOW IS GONNA SAY RIGHT NOW. 1232 01:00:37,833 --> 01:00:38,833 GOOD MORNING. 1233 01:00:38,833 --> 01:00:40,600 HEY. HOW ARE YOU, CHAY? 1234 01:00:40,600 --> 01:00:42,300 I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU? 1235 01:00:42,300 --> 01:00:43,933 ALL RIGHT. 1236 01:00:43,933 --> 01:00:48,300 IN 3 MONTHS, YOU LOSE 8 POUNDS? 1237 01:00:48,300 --> 01:00:51,233 AT THIS POINT, YOU SHOULD BE AT 400 POUNDS. 1238 01:00:51,233 --> 01:00:55,033 YOU SHOULD BE LOSING AT LEAST, MINIMUM, 20 POUNDS A MONTH. 1239 01:00:55,033 --> 01:00:58,033 BUT YOU STILL SEEM TO BE EMOTIONALLY EATING. 1240 01:00:58,033 --> 01:00:59,867 WELL, I'VE TRIED HARD. 1241 01:00:59,867 --> 01:01:03,700 WELL, YOU NEED TO IDENTIFY WHAT ISSUES ARE THE PROBLEM. 1242 01:01:03,700 --> 01:01:06,067 I HATE TO SAY THIS -- IT'S KIND OF MEAN -- 1243 01:01:06,067 --> 01:01:10,500 BUT THE PEOPLE IN MY FAMILY DON'T EXACTLY RESPECT MY NEEDS. 1244 01:01:10,500 --> 01:01:13,167 AND WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOUR LIFE 1245 01:01:13,167 --> 01:01:15,700 THAT YOU DON'T HAVE SUPPORT AT HOME? 1246 01:01:15,700 --> 01:01:18,167 THE WHOLE WORLD IS, LIKE, CLOSING UP ON YOU. 1247 01:01:18,167 --> 01:01:19,300 WHAT'S GOING ON? 1248 01:01:19,300 --> 01:01:21,067 THAT'S HOW IT FEELS LATELY. 1249 01:01:21,067 --> 01:01:23,233 I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE GOING THROUGH A LOT RIGHT NOW, 1250 01:01:23,233 --> 01:01:27,100 BUT THAT'S THE SAME EXCUSE YOU ALWAYS HAVE. 1251 01:01:27,100 --> 01:01:29,200 SO, IT'S BEEN FIVE MONTHS, 1252 01:01:29,200 --> 01:01:31,767 AND YOU HAVE LOST ALMOST NO WEIGHT. 1253 01:01:31,767 --> 01:01:32,900 WHY IS THAT? 1254 01:01:32,900 --> 01:01:34,667 MY GRANDMOTHER PASSED AWAY VERY SUDDENLY, 1255 01:01:34,667 --> 01:01:39,067 AND SO MY EATING IS FOR EMOTIONAL REASONS, TOO. 1256 01:01:39,067 --> 01:01:43,200 CHAY, LIFE IS FULL OF STRESS, AND LOSING SOMEONE IS HORRIBLE. 1257 01:01:43,200 --> 01:01:47,567 BUT THERE IS NO EXCUSE GOOD ENOUGH TO LIVE LIKE YOU ARE. 1258 01:01:47,567 --> 01:01:50,700 I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE. 1259 01:01:50,700 --> 01:01:52,567 NO MATTER WHAT'S GOING ON, 1260 01:01:52,567 --> 01:01:55,200 NO MATTER WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU, 1261 01:01:55,200 --> 01:01:56,700 THIS IS YOUR LIFE, 1262 01:01:56,700 --> 01:02:00,833 AND YOUR CHOICES ARE THE ONES AFFECTING IT RIGHT NOW. 1263 01:02:00,833 --> 01:02:03,133 NOT OTHERS -- YOUR CHOICES. 1264 01:02:03,133 --> 01:02:06,400 AND I NEED YOU TO START MAKING BETTER CHOICES. 1265 01:02:06,400 --> 01:02:08,333 OKAY. 1266 01:02:08,333 --> 01:02:11,900 CHAY ALWAYS SEEMS TO LET LIFE OVERWHELM HIM, 1267 01:02:11,900 --> 01:02:14,167 BUT LIFE NEVER GETS TO A POINT 1268 01:02:14,167 --> 01:02:16,467 WHERE YOU DON'T HAVE ANY PROBLEMS. 1269 01:02:16,467 --> 01:02:18,200 SOMETIMES THEY'LL BE SMALL. 1270 01:02:18,200 --> 01:02:19,800 SOMETIMES THEY'LL BE BIG. 1271 01:02:19,800 --> 01:02:22,500 BUT IF CHAY KEEPS SEEING HIS PROBLEMS 1272 01:02:22,500 --> 01:02:24,467 AS AN EXCUSE TO RUN AND EAT, 1273 01:02:24,467 --> 01:02:28,300 HE'S NEVER GONNA GET HEALTHY AND LIVE THE LIFE HE WANTS. 1274 01:02:28,300 --> 01:02:33,100 YOU HAVE TO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN, FROM YOUR PHYSICAL APPEARANCE, 1275 01:02:33,100 --> 01:02:35,500 FROM YOUR MENTAL ATTITUDE, 1276 01:02:35,500 --> 01:02:38,600 AND HAVE A GOOD OUTLOOK FOR THE FUTURE. 1277 01:02:38,600 --> 01:02:40,767 I WANT YOU TO BE A LITTLE BIT MORE PROACTIVE 1278 01:02:40,767 --> 01:02:43,133 ABOUT YOUR EXERCISE, 1279 01:02:43,133 --> 01:02:45,833 AND IN THREE MONTHS, I WANT TO SEE 1280 01:02:45,833 --> 01:02:48,600 IF YOU CAN GET YOUR WEIGHT DOWN TO 400 1281 01:02:48,600 --> 01:02:50,767 SO THEN YOU CAN HAVE YOUR SKIN SURGERY. 1282 01:02:50,767 --> 01:02:51,833 OKEYDOKEY. 1283 01:02:51,833 --> 01:02:53,067 ALL RIGHT? THANK YOU, SIR. 1284 01:02:53,067 --> 01:02:54,067 OKAY. 1285 01:02:54,067 --> 01:02:55,133 SEE YOU. 1286 01:02:55,133 --> 01:02:56,233 SEE YOU. 1287 01:02:56,233 --> 01:02:57,433 BYE. 1288 01:02:57,433 --> 01:02:59,500 Dr. Nowzaradan: HE'S GOING TO HAVE TO START 1289 01:02:59,500 --> 01:03:01,500 TAKING MORE CONTROL OF HIS LIFE 1290 01:03:01,500 --> 01:03:04,067 IF HE EVER HOPES TO FIND A BALANCE 1291 01:03:04,067 --> 01:03:06,867 WITHOUT JUSTIFYING RUNNING TO FOOD TO COPE. 1292 01:03:06,867 --> 01:03:08,400 ** 1293 01:03:08,400 --> 01:03:10,533 Lola: AFTER SEEING THE SCALE, 1294 01:03:10,533 --> 01:03:13,500 I WAS REALLY WORRIED DR. NOW WAS GONNA GIVE UP ON ME. 1295 01:03:13,500 --> 01:03:16,400 SO I'M HAPPY HE DIDN'T DO THAT. 1296 01:03:16,400 --> 01:03:20,667 I'VE LET THE TRUTH COME OUT, AND I'VE FACED MY BIGGEST FEAR. 1297 01:03:20,667 --> 01:03:23,100 NOW, BEING ON THE OTHER END OF THAT, 1298 01:03:23,100 --> 01:03:24,667 I FEEL SO MUCH STRONGER, 1299 01:03:24,667 --> 01:03:26,700 AND I'M READY TO START TO TAKE CONTROL OF MY LIFE 1300 01:03:26,700 --> 01:03:30,300 AND BE PROACTIVE LIKE DR. NOW IS SAYING. 1301 01:03:30,300 --> 01:03:32,067 I WENT THROUGH THE FIRE, 1302 01:03:32,067 --> 01:03:35,467 AND NOW I'M READY TO START LIVING THE LIFE I WANT. 1303 01:03:35,467 --> 01:03:38,600 ** 1304 01:03:52,200 --> 01:03:54,967 Pauline: I'VE TAKEN WHAT DR. NOWZARADAN HAS SAID TO HEART, 1305 01:03:54,967 --> 01:03:57,500 AND I'VE BEEN TRYING TO EAT HEALTHIER. 1306 01:03:57,500 --> 01:04:00,067 IT'S NOT EASY. 1307 01:04:00,067 --> 01:04:04,600 BUT I'M TRYING TO BE AS DETERMINED AS I CAN. 1308 01:04:04,600 --> 01:04:07,067 A YEAR AGO, MY LIFE WAS SO BAD, 1309 01:04:07,067 --> 01:04:10,067 I COULDN'T DO ANYTHING FOR MYSELF. 1310 01:04:10,067 --> 01:04:14,867 I WAS NEARLY BEDRIDDEN, AND I WOULD OVEREAT ALL THE TIME. 1311 01:04:15,867 --> 01:04:19,900 HAVING MY SON TAKE CARE OF ME IS ONE OF THE WORST THINGS EVER. 1312 01:04:21,933 --> 01:04:26,800 DILLON IS 21, AND HIS FULL-TIME JOB IS TAKING CARE OF ME. 1313 01:04:27,867 --> 01:04:31,433 I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT LIFE EVER AGAIN. 1314 01:04:31,433 --> 01:04:35,933 SO I'M DOING WHAT I NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN. 1315 01:04:36,967 --> 01:04:39,433 Dillon: MY MOM IS PROGRESSING REALLY GOOD. 1316 01:04:39,433 --> 01:04:42,200 I'M VERY PROUD OF HER AND FOR HANGING IN THERE. 1317 01:04:44,600 --> 01:04:46,200 AND SHE COULD DO STUFF ON HER OWN 1318 01:04:46,200 --> 01:04:50,067 AND I WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HELPING HER AS MUCH AS I DID. 1319 01:04:51,600 --> 01:04:56,467 I FEEL MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY EMPOWERED 1320 01:04:56,467 --> 01:04:58,700 BY THE GOOD THINGS THAT I EAT NOW. 1321 01:04:58,700 --> 01:05:00,667 NOT BAD. HOW DO YOU LIKE IT? 1322 01:05:00,667 --> 01:05:02,267 IT'S GOOD. 1323 01:05:02,267 --> 01:05:04,933 EVERYTHING'S LOOKING UP FROM HERE ON OUT. 1324 01:05:04,933 --> 01:05:08,733 ** 1325 01:05:12,833 --> 01:05:16,167 ONE OF THE THINGS I WANTED TO DO 1326 01:05:16,167 --> 01:05:17,700 AFTER TALKING WITH THE LIFE COACH 1327 01:05:17,700 --> 01:05:20,767 WAS TO GET UP AND TRY AND DO MORE ON MY OWN. 1328 01:05:20,767 --> 01:05:23,633 ** 1329 01:05:23,633 --> 01:05:26,600 I WANT TO START TAKING CARE OF MYSELF COMPLETELY... 1330 01:05:26,600 --> 01:05:27,933 ** 1331 01:05:27,933 --> 01:05:29,833 ...SO THAT'S MY GOAL RIGHT NOW. 1332 01:05:29,833 --> 01:05:34,167 BECAUSE BEFORE, DILLON HAD TO DO EVERY SINGLE THING. 1333 01:05:34,167 --> 01:05:36,700 ** 1334 01:05:36,700 --> 01:05:38,800 I STILL NEED HIS HELP, 1335 01:05:38,800 --> 01:05:42,433 BUT I'M TRYING TO DO AS MUCH AS I CAN. 1336 01:05:42,433 --> 01:05:45,333 I KNOW HOW CLOSE I GOT TO LOSING EVERYTHING, 1337 01:05:45,333 --> 01:05:48,633 AND I DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN AGAIN. 1338 01:05:48,633 --> 01:05:53,433 AND I DEFINITELY DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO THE WAY I WAS BEFORE. 1339 01:05:53,433 --> 01:05:57,933 I WAS DOOMED TO BE IN AN ELECTRIC HOSPITAL BED 1340 01:05:57,933 --> 01:06:00,867 AND WITH A WHEELCHAIR FOREVER. 1341 01:06:00,867 --> 01:06:04,500 SO I'M WORKING HARD FOR THIS CHANGE. 1342 01:06:04,500 --> 01:06:06,233 OH, GOODNESS SAKES. 1343 01:06:06,233 --> 01:06:08,233 [ GROANS ] 1344 01:06:08,233 --> 01:06:13,067 WITH HOW DISAPPOINTED DR. NOWZARADAN WAS LAST TIME, 1345 01:06:13,067 --> 01:06:17,833 I KNOW THE NEXT TIME I SEE HIM, I HAVE TO HIT MY GOALS. 1346 01:06:17,833 --> 01:06:19,500 ** 1347 01:06:19,500 --> 01:06:21,233 I HAVE TO LOSE WEIGHT. 1348 01:06:21,233 --> 01:06:26,400 IF I DON'T, HE'S LIKELY NOT GOING TO TREAT ME ANYMORE. 1349 01:06:26,400 --> 01:06:29,900 SO I HAVE TO DO THIS. 1350 01:06:31,267 --> 01:06:36,467 ** 1351 01:06:37,500 --> 01:06:39,067 OOH. 1352 01:06:39,067 --> 01:06:42,067 I'M TRYING TO GET UP, 1353 01:06:42,067 --> 01:06:46,367 AND I'M TRYING TO STAY MORE ACTIVE AND DO MORE ON MY OWN. 1354 01:06:46,367 --> 01:06:47,933 ** 1355 01:06:47,933 --> 01:06:53,367 I AM NOW MORE MOBILE, AND I'M DOING MORE WALKING. 1356 01:06:53,367 --> 01:06:58,267 I HAVE NEVER WALKED MORE THAN PROBABLY 20 STEPS. 1357 01:06:58,267 --> 01:07:02,800 AT 700, YOU CAN'T JUST GO OUT AND TAKE A WALK. 1358 01:07:02,800 --> 01:07:10,067 WHAT I WISH FOR EVERY DAY IS THAT I CAN MOVE WITHOUT HELP. 1359 01:07:10,067 --> 01:07:13,067 BUT NOW I CAN DO SO MUCH. 1360 01:07:13,067 --> 01:07:17,133 OOH, THE KNEES ARE NOT LIKING THIS, 1361 01:07:17,133 --> 01:07:19,600 BUT I FEEL ENERGETIC. 1362 01:07:19,600 --> 01:07:23,933 I KNOW THE DOCTOR'S RIGHT ABOUT IT HURTING LESS THE MORE I DO, 1363 01:07:23,933 --> 01:07:27,633 SO I'M TRYING TO JUST DEAL WITH THE PAIN WHEN I HIT MY LIMITS. 1364 01:07:27,633 --> 01:07:31,767 I HAVE TO ADMIT, WHEN I GET THAT BAD KNEE PAIN, 1365 01:07:31,767 --> 01:07:35,733 A LOT OF TIMES, I DON'T WANT TO PUSH PAST IT. 1366 01:07:35,733 --> 01:07:39,400 BUT SOMETIMES WHEN I HAVE A WEAK MOMENT OR I WANT TO GIVE UP, 1367 01:07:39,400 --> 01:07:44,067 I'LL JUST TELL MYSELF, "YOU CAN DO THIS FOR DILLON." 1368 01:07:44,067 --> 01:07:49,100 I ACTUALLY HAVE NEVER WALKED THIS FAR BEFORE. 1369 01:07:49,100 --> 01:07:52,900 AND IT SEEMS SILLY, BUT IT'S A MILESTONE FOR ME. 1370 01:07:54,233 --> 01:07:55,633 ** 1371 01:07:55,633 --> 01:07:58,133 I'M GOING TO KEEP PUSHING MYSELF TO DO MORE 1372 01:07:58,133 --> 01:07:59,067 AND GET OUT IN THE WORLD. 1373 01:08:04,433 --> 01:08:07,433 ** 1374 01:08:14,600 --> 01:08:17,600 Lola: DR. NOW WANTS ME TO BE PROACTIVE, 1375 01:08:17,600 --> 01:08:19,467 SO THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING. 1376 01:08:19,467 --> 01:08:22,267 I'M READY FOR MY CLOSE-UP, MRS. DeMILLE. 1377 01:08:22,267 --> 01:08:23,733 [ LAUGHTER ] 1378 01:08:23,733 --> 01:08:27,600 I'M FEELING EMPOWERED AND LIKE I'M READY TO TAKE ON ANYTHING. 1379 01:08:27,600 --> 01:08:31,467 AND I'M LIVING MY LIFE. 1380 01:08:31,467 --> 01:08:33,967 I WOULD LOVE TO ENTERTAIN SOMEDAY 1381 01:08:33,967 --> 01:08:37,067 AND TRY AND BRING SMILES TO PEOPLE'S FACES. 1382 01:08:37,067 --> 01:08:38,867 MERCI. 1383 01:08:38,867 --> 01:08:40,867 I DON'T KNOW IF I'LL EVER GET THE CHANCE 1384 01:08:40,867 --> 01:08:42,133 TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT, 1385 01:08:42,133 --> 01:08:44,467 BUT I FIGURED YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO START SOMEWHERE. 1386 01:08:44,467 --> 01:08:48,300 AND THEN ON THE NEXT BEAT, YOU'LL SWING ME UP LIKE THAT. 1387 01:08:48,300 --> 01:08:49,533 [ LAUGHTER ] 1388 01:08:49,533 --> 01:08:51,700 SO I'VE JOINED A LOCAL DRAMA GROUP, 1389 01:08:51,700 --> 01:08:53,567 AND IT'S BEEN REALLY FUN. 1390 01:08:53,567 --> 01:08:56,567 I TOTALLY FEEL AT HOME IN THE THEATER 1391 01:08:56,567 --> 01:08:58,633 BECAUSE THE STAGE AND BEING AN ENTERTAINER 1392 01:08:58,633 --> 01:09:00,633 IS JUST WHAT I WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING. 1393 01:09:00,633 --> 01:09:04,633 IT MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE, LIKE I'M DOING WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO. 1394 01:09:04,633 --> 01:09:08,867 I'M NOT LETTING MY FEARS HOLD ME BACK ANY LONGER. 1395 01:09:08,867 --> 01:09:12,633 I'M GONNA BE ME, AND PEOPLE CAN EITHER ACCEPT ME OR NOT. 1396 01:09:12,633 --> 01:09:14,433 THERE'S NO FEELING LIKE IT 1397 01:09:14,433 --> 01:09:16,600 WHEN YOU FOUND WHAT YOU'RE MEANT TO DO. 1398 01:09:16,600 --> 01:09:18,867 ** 1399 01:09:18,867 --> 01:09:20,633 IT'S THEIR CHOICE, 1400 01:09:20,633 --> 01:09:25,333 BUT PEOPLE ARE NOT GONNA AFFECT WHO I AM ANY LONGER. 1401 01:09:26,767 --> 01:09:31,167 ** 1402 01:09:31,167 --> 01:09:32,767 DR. NOW WANTED ME TO LOSE MORE WEIGHT, 1403 01:09:32,767 --> 01:09:33,933 SO I'M GONNA GO TO THE GYM 1404 01:09:33,933 --> 01:09:36,067 AND HOPEFULLY KNOCK A FEW MORE POUNDS OFF 1405 01:09:36,067 --> 01:09:38,433 WITH MY TRAINER, DONOVAN. 1406 01:09:38,433 --> 01:09:40,300 ** 1407 01:09:40,300 --> 01:09:44,267 I'VE LET MY EXERCISE AND DIET LAPSE, BUT NOT ANYMORE. 1408 01:09:44,267 --> 01:09:45,500 HEY, HEY, HEY. 1409 01:09:45,500 --> 01:09:46,700 Donovan: CHAY! 1410 01:09:46,700 --> 01:09:48,067 HOW YOU DOING? 1411 01:09:48,067 --> 01:09:50,333 IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE SEEN MY TRAINER, DONOVAN. 1412 01:09:50,333 --> 01:09:52,700 HE PROBABLY THOUGHT HE'D NEVER SEE ME AGAIN. 1413 01:09:52,700 --> 01:09:54,067 LET'S GET WARMED UP, 1414 01:09:54,067 --> 01:09:56,667 AND THEN WE'LL GO RIGHT INTO OUR WORKOUT. 1415 01:09:56,667 --> 01:09:58,667 BUT THERE'S NO EXCUSE. 1416 01:09:58,667 --> 01:10:01,767 I SHOULDN'T HAVE LET MY FOCUS ON MY EXERCISE AND HEALTH 1417 01:10:01,767 --> 01:10:02,967 LAPSE LIKE IT HAS. 1418 01:10:02,967 --> 01:10:06,267 MAN, YOU REALLY HAVE COME A LONG WAY. 1419 01:10:06,267 --> 01:10:08,700 I REMEMBER WHEN WE FIRST STARTED DOING THIS, 1420 01:10:08,700 --> 01:10:12,167 THIS WOULD MAKE MY LEGS SO TIRED, 1421 01:10:12,167 --> 01:10:13,467 AND THIS IS LIKE NOTHING. 1422 01:10:13,467 --> 01:10:14,467 YEAH. 1423 01:10:14,467 --> 01:10:16,200 THAT'S IT. 1424 01:10:16,200 --> 01:10:18,133 COME ON DOWN. 1425 01:10:18,133 --> 01:10:21,033 EXERCISING AND EATING RIGHT ARE NO LONGER GONNA BE THINGS 1426 01:10:21,033 --> 01:10:22,933 THAT ARE OPTIONAL FOR ME EACH DAY. 1427 01:10:24,000 --> 01:10:26,200 FASTER, COME ON. PUNCH, PUNCH, PUNCH, PUNCH. 1428 01:10:26,200 --> 01:10:28,000 I'M READY TO MAKE IT MY WAY OF LIFE. 1429 01:10:28,000 --> 01:10:30,000 THERE YOU GO. 1430 01:10:30,000 --> 01:10:32,100 MAN, YOU ARE MOVING LIKE A CAT. 1431 01:10:32,100 --> 01:10:34,367 NO MORE EMOTIONAL EXCUSES. 1432 01:10:34,367 --> 01:10:36,700 CHAY, KEEP IT GOING. 1433 01:10:36,700 --> 01:10:39,333 I'M DONE WITH THAT, AND I'M READY TO TAKE CHARGE OF MY LIFE. 1434 01:10:39,333 --> 01:10:40,500 ALL RIGHT, EXCELLENT. 1435 01:10:40,500 --> 01:10:42,167 Donovan: I THOUGHT YOU DID A FANTASTIC JOB. 1436 01:10:42,167 --> 01:10:43,467 THANK YOU. 1437 01:10:43,467 --> 01:10:45,867 AND IT'S VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU MAKE IT A HABIT. 1438 01:10:45,867 --> 01:10:48,867 THIS HAS TO BE A WAY OF LIFE. 1439 01:10:48,867 --> 01:10:50,467 SOUND GOOD? COOL. 1440 01:10:50,467 --> 01:10:52,333 ALL RIGHT, IT WAS GOOD SEEING YOU. 1441 01:10:52,333 --> 01:10:57,433 THE LIFE I WANT IS ONLY GONNA COME WITH HARD WORK. 1442 01:10:57,433 --> 01:11:01,967 ** 1443 01:11:11,533 --> 01:11:14,067 Pauline: TODAY, I'M DOING SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR DILLON. 1444 01:11:14,067 --> 01:11:15,467 WHEN WE GO OUT, 1445 01:11:15,467 --> 01:11:19,067 HE'S HAD TO STAY BY ME THE WHOLE TIME JUST IN CASE I NEED HIM. 1446 01:11:20,400 --> 01:11:23,067 OKAY, I NEED TO SIT HERE FOR A SECOND, HONEY, 1447 01:11:23,067 --> 01:11:24,600 AND I'LL CATCH UP. 1448 01:11:24,600 --> 01:11:27,700 OH, BENCH, PLEASE DON'T FAIL ME NOW. 1449 01:11:28,933 --> 01:11:32,167 BUT I'M DOING FAR MORE THAN I HAVE IN SO LONG, 1450 01:11:32,167 --> 01:11:35,733 SO I'M GOING TO LET DILLON GO DO HIS OWN THING WHILE WE SHOP. 1451 01:11:35,733 --> 01:11:38,600 SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ME GOING INSIDE 1452 01:11:38,600 --> 01:11:41,133 AND LOOKING AT SOME OF THIS FUNKY FRESH STUFF? 1453 01:11:41,133 --> 01:11:43,067 I THINK I CAN MANAGE ON MY OWN, 1454 01:11:43,067 --> 01:11:45,067 SO YOU CAN GO OFF AND DO YOUR THING. 1455 01:11:45,067 --> 01:11:46,367 OKAY. OKAY? 1456 01:11:46,367 --> 01:11:48,700 IT'LL BE FUN. 1457 01:11:48,700 --> 01:11:50,167 BE CAREFUL, AND I GUESS I'LL -- 1458 01:11:50,167 --> 01:11:51,867 I GUESS I SHOULDN'T SAY, "BE CAREFUL." 1459 01:11:51,867 --> 01:11:54,067 YOU'RE NOT MY LITTLE BOY ANYMORE, 1460 01:11:54,067 --> 01:11:55,233 BUT IN MY HEART, 1461 01:11:55,233 --> 01:11:57,067 YOU'RE STILL THAT LITTLE 4-YEAR-OLD ON MY LAP. 1462 01:11:57,067 --> 01:12:00,167 SO I'M SORRY, BUT SOMETIMES I CAN'T LET GO OF THAT. 1463 01:12:00,167 --> 01:12:01,367 BUT I'M TRYING. 1464 01:12:01,367 --> 01:12:04,600 SO, YOU GO ENJOY YOURSELF, AND I'LL BE OKAY. 1465 01:12:04,600 --> 01:12:06,233 OKAY. OKAY. 1466 01:12:06,233 --> 01:12:08,200 HAVE FUN. 1467 01:12:09,733 --> 01:12:14,367 I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT FOR DILL TO BE ABLE TO DO HIS OWN THING 1468 01:12:14,367 --> 01:12:17,900 JUST BECAUSE THAT'S NORMAL FOR A KID HIS AGE. 1469 01:12:18,867 --> 01:12:23,067 EVER SINCE HE WAS ABOUT 14, I'VE JUST NEEDED HIM SO MUCH. 1470 01:12:24,267 --> 01:12:26,933 AND SO NOW, EVERY OPPORTUNITY I GET, 1471 01:12:26,933 --> 01:12:30,133 I WANT TO SEND HIM TO GO DO THINGS ON HIS OWN. 1472 01:12:31,333 --> 01:12:32,700 IT MEANS A LOT TO ME 1473 01:12:32,700 --> 01:12:36,133 BECAUSE WE CAN HAVE MORE OF A MOTHER-SON RELATIONSHIP 1474 01:12:36,133 --> 01:12:38,600 AND IT'S NOT SO MUCH HIM TAKING CARE OF ME. 1475 01:12:39,667 --> 01:12:42,067 Dillon: IT'S NICE TO SEE MY MOM PROGRESSING 1476 01:12:42,067 --> 01:12:43,567 AND DOING STUFF ON HER OWN, 1477 01:12:43,567 --> 01:12:45,800 AND I AM STARTING TO GET COMFORTABLE 1478 01:12:45,800 --> 01:12:47,433 AND I CAN GO AND DO WHATEVER 1479 01:12:47,433 --> 01:12:50,800 AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IF I HAVE TO GO BACK AND HELP HER. 1480 01:12:50,800 --> 01:12:53,600 SO NEXT STEP FOR ME WOULD PROBABLY BE TO GET A GOOD JOB 1481 01:12:53,600 --> 01:12:55,700 TO WHERE I COULD MOVE OUT ON MY OWN, 1482 01:12:55,700 --> 01:12:58,433 AND THEN WE COULD BOTH HAVE OUR INDEPENDENT LIVES 1483 01:12:58,433 --> 01:12:59,900 THAT WE'VE WANTED TO HAVE. 1484 01:12:59,900 --> 01:13:01,733 ** 1485 01:13:01,733 --> 01:13:04,433 Pauline: I THINK DILL KNOWS THAT I'M GONNA BE OKAY, 1486 01:13:04,433 --> 01:13:06,667 AND I HAVE LOT MORE CONFIDENCE IN MYSELF 1487 01:13:06,667 --> 01:13:09,067 AND MY ABILITIES TO DO THINGS NOW. 1488 01:13:09,067 --> 01:13:10,933 THANK YOU, HONEY. HAVE A GREAT DAY. 1489 01:13:10,933 --> 01:13:12,333 YOU, TOO. OKAY, BYE-BYE. 1490 01:13:12,333 --> 01:13:15,433 IT IS A MILESTONE TO BE OUT ON MY OWN. 1491 01:13:15,433 --> 01:13:18,833 AND I'M NOT ALL THE WAY WHERE I WANT TO BE, 1492 01:13:18,833 --> 01:13:20,833 BUT I'M SUPER HAPPY WITH WHERE I'M AT SO FAR. 1493 01:13:20,833 --> 01:13:22,967 AND I'M NOT GOING BACK. 1494 01:13:24,300 --> 01:13:27,800 ** 1495 01:13:29,233 --> 01:13:33,233 Lola: AS OF TODAY, I'M LIVING LIFE AS LOLA OUT IN PUBLIC. 1496 01:13:33,233 --> 01:13:36,067 AND I DON'T HAVE MANY OUTFITS RIGHT NOW, 1497 01:13:36,067 --> 01:13:38,500 SO I NEED TO GET SOME NEW DRESSES. 1498 01:13:38,500 --> 01:13:39,533 ** 1499 01:13:39,533 --> 01:13:40,633 THAT'S CUTE. 1500 01:13:40,633 --> 01:13:42,733 YOU CAN TRY IT ON. YEAH. 1501 01:13:42,733 --> 01:13:45,067 WELL, THIS'LL GET IT STARTED. 1502 01:13:45,067 --> 01:13:48,667 I'M EXCITED TO START MY NEW WARDROBE TODAY. 1503 01:13:48,667 --> 01:13:51,933 I'M FINALLY GOING TO A STORE WHERE I CAN BE MYSELF 1504 01:13:51,933 --> 01:13:55,200 AND BUY THINGS THAT ARE AN EXPRESSION OF WHO I AM. 1505 01:13:55,200 --> 01:13:56,967 HOW DO YOU FEEL? I LIKE THIS. 1506 01:13:56,967 --> 01:13:59,067 I LIKE THINGS THAT ARE MORE A-LINE. 1507 01:13:59,067 --> 01:14:01,767 I'VE HAD TO BE IN CLOTHES MY WHOLE LIFE 1508 01:14:01,767 --> 01:14:03,700 THAT I FELT WEREN'T RIGHT FOR ME. 1509 01:14:03,700 --> 01:14:06,200 THEY'VE BEEN MORE OF A COSTUME. 1510 01:14:06,200 --> 01:14:07,967 LOLA, HOW'S IT GOING? 1511 01:14:07,967 --> 01:14:09,500 IT'S KIND OF SHORT. 1512 01:14:09,500 --> 01:14:11,067 AWW, SEXY MAMA! 1513 01:14:11,067 --> 01:14:12,200 [ LAUGHS ] 1514 01:14:12,200 --> 01:14:13,800 BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M FINALLY STARTING MY LIFE 1515 01:14:13,800 --> 01:14:17,800 AS THE PERSON I'VE ALWAYS WANTED BUT HAVE BEEN TOO AFRAID TO BE. 1516 01:14:17,800 --> 01:14:20,133 ** 1517 01:14:20,133 --> 01:14:23,167 TO NOT ONLY BE ABLE TO SHOP FOR OUTFITS I WANT 1518 01:14:23,167 --> 01:14:25,067 BUT TO BE ABLE TO FIT IN THEM 1519 01:14:25,067 --> 01:14:27,400 IS SOMETHING I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE 1520 01:14:27,400 --> 01:14:29,067 TO GO TO A STORE AND DO. 1521 01:14:30,433 --> 01:14:34,067 SO THIS HAS BEEN A BIG MOTIVATOR FOR ME TO KEEP LOSING WEIGHT. 1522 01:14:34,067 --> 01:14:37,233 I THINK I FOUND THE WINNERS. 1523 01:14:37,233 --> 01:14:39,600 BECAUSE I WANT TO BE ABLE TO DO THIS MORE AND MORE. 1524 01:14:39,600 --> 01:14:41,900 OKAY. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS? 1525 01:14:41,900 --> 01:14:43,800 I WILL HAPPILY TRY THIS ON. 1526 01:14:43,800 --> 01:14:45,100 ALL RIGHT. 1527 01:14:45,100 --> 01:14:47,567 SO TODAY WAS GREAT, 1528 01:14:47,567 --> 01:14:50,100 AND I CAN'T WAIT TO DO THIS AGAIN SOON. 1529 01:14:50,100 --> 01:14:52,900 ** 1530 01:15:00,767 --> 01:15:04,200 I'M HEADED BACK TO SEE DR. NOW FOR MY NEXT APPOINTMENT. 1531 01:15:04,200 --> 01:15:07,067 IT'S BEEN THREE MONTHS SINCE I LAST SAW THE DOCTOR, 1532 01:15:07,067 --> 01:15:10,300 AND HE WANTED ME TO FINALLY GET BELOW 400 POUNDS. 1533 01:15:10,300 --> 01:15:13,100 AND I'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD TO DO THAT. 1534 01:15:14,167 --> 01:15:17,533 AND I'M HOPING TODAY, WHEN I GET ON THAT SCALE, 1535 01:15:17,533 --> 01:15:20,300 I'M GONNA SEE MORE THAN JUST A LITTLE WEIGHT LOSS. 1536 01:15:20,300 --> 01:15:21,800 ** 1537 01:15:21,800 --> 01:15:24,833 BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I'M DOING EVERYTHING I CAN NOW, 1538 01:15:24,833 --> 01:15:26,567 AND THERE'S NO MORE EXCUSES. 1539 01:15:26,567 --> 01:15:27,833 Woman: LOLA. 1540 01:15:27,833 --> 01:15:32,067 BUT I KNOW IF I HAVEN'T MADE THE PROGRESS I NEED, 1541 01:15:32,067 --> 01:15:33,833 THEN I'M NOT GETTING APPROVED FOR SKIN SURGERY, 1542 01:15:33,833 --> 01:15:36,067 AND THEN I'M STILL NOT CLOSER 1543 01:15:36,067 --> 01:15:38,433 FULLY MAKING THE TRANSITION TO THE LIFE I WANT. 1544 01:15:44,200 --> 01:15:47,067 ** 1545 01:15:52,200 --> 01:15:54,933 Lola: I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS RIGHT NOW. 1546 01:15:54,933 --> 01:15:57,300 I'M REALLY HOPING MY WEIGHT LOSS HAS BEEN ENOUGH 1547 01:15:57,300 --> 01:16:01,533 TO FINALLY GET BELOW 400 AND TO QUALIFY FOR SKIN SURGERY. 1548 01:16:03,067 --> 01:16:06,067 THAT'S INCREDIBLE. 1549 01:16:06,067 --> 01:16:09,767 ** 1550 01:16:09,767 --> 01:16:13,133 I REALLY HOPE DR. NOW IS HAPPY, THAT HE'S PROUD OF ME, 1551 01:16:13,133 --> 01:16:16,233 EVEN THOUGH IT TOOK ME A LITTLE WHILE TO DO THIS. 1552 01:16:16,233 --> 01:16:17,700 ** 1553 01:16:17,700 --> 01:16:18,867 Dr. Nowzaradan: HI, CHAY. HOW ARE YOU DOING? 1554 01:16:18,867 --> 01:16:20,867 YOU LOOK NICE. Lola: THANK YOU. 1555 01:16:20,867 --> 01:16:22,300 GOT A NEW DRESS, 1556 01:16:22,300 --> 01:16:26,800 AND I AM ASKING THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE TO START CALLING ME LOLA, 1557 01:16:26,800 --> 01:16:28,533 SO THAT'S MY NEW NAME. 1558 01:16:28,533 --> 01:16:30,400 OKAY. GOT IT. 1559 01:16:30,400 --> 01:16:33,933 BUT REMEMBER, WAIT TILL YOUR WEIGHT STABILIZES 1560 01:16:33,933 --> 01:16:37,933 BEFORE HORMONE THERAPY OR GENDER-REASSIGNMENT SURGERY 1561 01:16:37,933 --> 01:16:39,500 TO MAKE SURE THERE IS NO COMPLICATION. 1562 01:16:39,500 --> 01:16:41,367 BUT I THINK YOU'RE DOING GREAT, 1563 01:16:41,367 --> 01:16:44,800 AND YOU'RE READY FOR YOUR FIRST SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY. 1564 01:16:44,800 --> 01:16:47,233 AND THAT'S GONNA BE A POSITIVE STEP 1565 01:16:47,233 --> 01:16:49,233 TOWARD WHERE YOU WANT TO BE IN YOUR GOAL. 1566 01:16:49,233 --> 01:16:51,100 YES, SIR. SOUNDS GOOD TO ME. 1567 01:16:51,100 --> 01:16:53,233 Dr. Nowzaradan: LOLA IS DOING BETTER NOW, 1568 01:16:53,233 --> 01:16:55,367 AND I'M REALLY HAPPY SHE'S BACK ON TRACK. 1569 01:16:55,367 --> 01:16:59,367 I HOPE SHE'LL CONTINUE TO STAY FOCUSED AND MAKE GOOD CHOICES, 1570 01:16:59,367 --> 01:17:02,900 AND I'M PROUD OF HER FOR HAVING THE COURAGE AND THE STRENGTH 1571 01:17:02,900 --> 01:17:05,400 TO CONTINUE THAT JOURNEY. 1572 01:17:05,400 --> 01:17:09,933 YOU HAVE DONE A GREAT JOB, AND I'LL SEE YOU LATER, LOLA. 1573 01:17:09,933 --> 01:17:11,633 OKEYDOKEY. THANK YOU, DR. NOW. 1574 01:17:11,633 --> 01:17:13,267 ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU. 1575 01:17:13,267 --> 01:17:16,400 Lola: I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF FOR EVERYTHING I'VE ACCOMPLISHED. 1576 01:17:16,400 --> 01:17:20,267 I'VE WANTED THIS FOR SO LONG, 1577 01:17:20,267 --> 01:17:24,133 AND TO FINALLY HAVE MY DREAMS STARTING TO COME TRUE 1578 01:17:24,133 --> 01:17:26,500 IS SUCH AN AMAZING FEELING. 1579 01:17:26,500 --> 01:17:30,233 AND I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER RIGHT NOW. 1580 01:17:31,633 --> 01:17:35,133 ** 1581 01:17:36,167 --> 01:17:39,400 Lola: I'M PURSUING ALL MY DREAMS NOW, AND NEXT WEEK, 1582 01:17:39,400 --> 01:17:42,233 I'M GONNA BE SINGING IN A NIGHTCLUB AS LOLA. 1583 01:17:42,233 --> 01:17:44,933 SO TODAY, I'M GONNA GET MY EARS PIERCED 1584 01:17:44,933 --> 01:17:49,233 BECAUSE I WANT TO BE READY FOR MY ONSTAGE DEBUT. 1585 01:17:49,233 --> 01:17:53,067 I'VE WANTED TO DO THIS FOR A REALLY LONG TIME, ACTUALLY. 1586 01:17:53,067 --> 01:17:54,300 OH, I'M GONNA BE TERRIFIED. 1587 01:17:54,300 --> 01:17:55,933 BREATHE IN... [ INHALES DEEPLY ] 1588 01:17:55,933 --> 01:17:57,367 ...AND BREATHE OUT. 1589 01:17:57,367 --> 01:17:59,400 OKAY, THAT WASN'T SO BAD. 1590 01:17:59,400 --> 01:18:00,467 [ CHUCKLES ] 1591 01:18:00,467 --> 01:18:02,367 IT'S TOO LATE TO TURN BACK NOW. 1592 01:18:02,367 --> 01:18:03,367 MM-HMM. 1593 01:18:03,367 --> 01:18:05,967 I'M PURSUING ALL MY DREAMS NOW, 1594 01:18:05,967 --> 01:18:09,467 AND I'M NOT LETTING ANYTHING HOLD ME BACK. 1595 01:18:09,467 --> 01:18:14,700 I AM WHO I AM, AND I WANT TO SHOW THE WORLD THAT. 1596 01:18:16,167 --> 01:18:20,600 ** 1597 01:18:22,367 --> 01:18:25,067 Pauline: I'M ABOUT TO SEE DR. NOWZARADAN AGAIN, 1598 01:18:25,067 --> 01:18:27,733 AND I FEEL REALLY GOOD ABOUT THE PAST FEW MONTHS. 1599 01:18:27,733 --> 01:18:28,833 ** 1600 01:18:28,833 --> 01:18:30,867 I'M JUST A LITTLE NERVOUS, THOUGH, 1601 01:18:30,867 --> 01:18:33,400 'CAUSE A LOT IS RIDING ON MY PROGRESS TODAY. 1602 01:18:33,400 --> 01:18:36,367 PAULINE POTTER? 1603 01:18:36,367 --> 01:18:39,500 DR. NOWZARADAN WAS SO UPSET LAST TIME. 1604 01:18:39,500 --> 01:18:41,500 IF I'M NOT BACK ON THE RIGHT TRACK, 1605 01:18:41,500 --> 01:18:44,067 I'M WORRIED HE'S NOT GOING TO SEE ME ANYMORE. 1606 01:18:45,533 --> 01:18:49,533 SO I REALLY HOPE I'VE LOST A GOOD AMOUNT OF WEIGHT TODAY. 1607 01:18:49,533 --> 01:18:52,233 ** 1608 01:18:52,233 --> 01:18:55,233 [ CHUCKLES ] 1609 01:18:55,233 --> 01:18:56,900 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. 1610 01:18:56,900 --> 01:18:59,067 ** 1611 01:18:59,067 --> 01:19:02,467 I'M SO EXCITED. 1612 01:19:02,467 --> 01:19:03,933 ** 1613 01:19:03,933 --> 01:19:05,167 HI, PAULINE. 1614 01:19:05,167 --> 01:19:06,433 HI, DR. NOW. 1615 01:19:06,433 --> 01:19:07,533 ALL RIGHT. 1616 01:19:07,533 --> 01:19:09,900 SO YOU'RE DOWN TO 308. 1617 01:19:09,900 --> 01:19:12,800 YOU'RE BACK ON TRACK, AND THAT'S GREAT. 1618 01:19:12,800 --> 01:19:15,100 I JUST SEEM TO HAVE MORE ENERGY ALL THE TIME. 1619 01:19:15,100 --> 01:19:16,500 IT'S LIKE I GOT RID OF TWO PEOPLE 1620 01:19:16,500 --> 01:19:19,733 THAT I WAS CARRYING PIGGYBACK RIDE ALL THE TIME BEFORE. 1621 01:19:19,733 --> 01:19:20,733 GOOD. 1622 01:19:20,733 --> 01:19:22,067 WELL, WITH THIS PROGRESS, 1623 01:19:22,067 --> 01:19:24,267 I THINK YOU'RE READY FOR SKIN SURGERY, 1624 01:19:24,267 --> 01:19:25,700 SO I'M APPROVING YOU FOR THAT. 1625 01:19:25,700 --> 01:19:27,900 [ CHUCKLES ] THANK YOU, DR. NOW. 1626 01:19:27,900 --> 01:19:31,700 SO WE CAN PROBABLY REMOVE 40 TO 50 POUNDS OF EXTRA SKIN, THEN. 1627 01:19:31,700 --> 01:19:32,700 WOW. 1628 01:19:32,700 --> 01:19:33,733 CAN I HUG YOU? 1629 01:19:33,733 --> 01:19:36,067 SURE. [ LAUGHS ] 1630 01:19:36,067 --> 01:19:37,767 THANK YOU SO MUCH, DR. NOW. 1631 01:19:37,767 --> 01:19:40,067 YOU'RE WELCOME. I APPRECIATE YOUR HELP. 1632 01:19:40,067 --> 01:19:41,100 ALL RIGHT. 1633 01:19:41,100 --> 01:19:42,867 THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME MY LIFE BACK. 1634 01:19:42,867 --> 01:19:44,233 WELL, THAT'S MY JOB, 1635 01:19:44,233 --> 01:19:46,767 AND I'M PROUD OF YOU THAT STUCK WITH THE PROGRAM. 1636 01:19:46,767 --> 01:19:50,267 STAY FOCUSED AND CONTINUE DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING. 1637 01:19:50,267 --> 01:19:51,700 I'M FEELING MORE HOPEFUL ABOUT THINGS. 1638 01:19:51,700 --> 01:19:52,867 I THINK IT'S GONNA GET BETTER. 1639 01:19:52,867 --> 01:19:55,367 OH, GOOD, GOOD. YEAH. 1640 01:19:55,367 --> 01:19:58,433 Dr. Nowzaradan: I'M VERY HAPPY TO SEE PAULINE'S PROGRESS NOW. 1641 01:19:58,433 --> 01:20:01,567 SHE'S STICKING TO HER DIET AND DOING HER EXERCISES. 1642 01:20:01,567 --> 01:20:05,033 I'M ALSO HAPPY THAT EXCUSES HAVE STOPPED 1643 01:20:05,033 --> 01:20:07,233 AND SHE'S COMPLETELY OFF PAINKILLERS. 1644 01:20:07,233 --> 01:20:09,733 SO SHE'S ON THE RIGHT TRACK. 1645 01:20:09,733 --> 01:20:11,667 ALL RIGHT, PAULINE, YOU'RE DOING GREAT. 1646 01:20:11,667 --> 01:20:13,867 WE'RE GONNA SET YOU UP FOR SURGERY NEXT MONTH. 1647 01:20:13,867 --> 01:20:15,367 OKAY. AND I'LL SEE YOU LATER. 1648 01:20:15,367 --> 01:20:16,933 THANK YOU, DR. NOW. ALL RIGHT. 1649 01:20:16,933 --> 01:20:19,933 ** 1650 01:20:19,933 --> 01:20:22,033 Dr. Nowzaradan: THERE WERE MOMENTS 1651 01:20:22,033 --> 01:20:24,433 THAT I WASN'T SURE SHE WAS GONNA MAKE IT, 1652 01:20:24,433 --> 01:20:26,233 BUT SHE HAS TURNED IT AROUND NOW 1653 01:20:26,233 --> 01:20:28,400 AND DOING WHAT SHE NEEDS TO BE SUCCESSFUL. 1654 01:20:28,400 --> 01:20:30,567 ** 1655 01:20:30,567 --> 01:20:34,900 Pauline: TO FINALLY BE ABLE TO GET MY SKIN SURGERY IS HUGE. 1656 01:20:34,900 --> 01:20:38,600 I'M JUST SO THANKFUL FOR THE JOURNEY AND WHERE I'M AT TODAY. 1657 01:20:38,600 --> 01:20:41,933 IT'S BEEN THE HARDEST THING I'VE EVER DONE. 1658 01:20:41,933 --> 01:20:43,433 ** 1659 01:20:43,433 --> 01:20:47,067 BUT I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF FOR WHAT I'M ACHIEVING 1660 01:20:47,067 --> 01:20:49,067 AND WHERE MY LIFE IS GOING. 1661 01:20:49,067 --> 01:20:52,867 ** 1662 01:20:54,300 --> 01:20:56,200 I WANTED TO THANK EVERYBODY FOR COMING DOWN. 1663 01:20:56,200 --> 01:20:57,633 I KNOW THAT IT'S A BIG THING 1664 01:20:57,633 --> 01:21:00,133 WHENEVER PEOPLE TAKE TIME OUT OF THEIR DAY AND THEIR SCHEDULES 1665 01:21:00,133 --> 01:21:01,433 TO COME DOWN AND VOLUNTEER. 1666 01:21:01,433 --> 01:21:03,800 TODAY, I'M TAKING A BIG STEP. 1667 01:21:03,800 --> 01:21:05,467 I HAVEN'T WORKED IN SO LONG 1668 01:21:05,467 --> 01:21:08,067 THAT I REALLY DON'T HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE 1669 01:21:08,067 --> 01:21:10,667 TO GET BACK OUT THERE AND GET A JOB. 1670 01:21:10,667 --> 01:21:12,133 ...PEOPLE LIKE YOU. 1671 01:21:12,133 --> 01:21:13,867 IF YOU GUYS DID NOT COME IN TO HELP US OUT WITH THESE DOGS, 1672 01:21:13,867 --> 01:21:16,267 THERE'S NO WAY THAT ALL OF THIS WOULD WORK. 1673 01:21:16,267 --> 01:21:19,333 SO TODAY, I'M STARTING MY PART-TIME JOB 1674 01:21:19,333 --> 01:21:21,867 AT A NEARBY ANIMAL RESCUE. 1675 01:21:21,867 --> 01:21:24,967 I LOVE ANIMALS, AND IF I HAD TO PICK ANY JOB, 1676 01:21:24,967 --> 01:21:26,533 IT WOULD BE TO WORK WITH THEM. 1677 01:21:26,533 --> 01:21:30,633 SO I'M REALLY EXCITED TODAY TO START TO GET OUT ON MY OWN 1678 01:21:30,633 --> 01:21:33,800 AND DO THIS AND MEET NEW PEOPLE. 1679 01:21:33,800 --> 01:21:35,800 I WOULD LOVE TO DO ANYTHING I CAN, 1680 01:21:35,800 --> 01:21:37,600 AS FAR AS LOVING OR FOSTERING. 1681 01:21:37,600 --> 01:21:40,633 AND I COULD DO STUFF AT HOME, 'CAUSE I HAVE A COMPUTER, 1682 01:21:40,633 --> 01:21:44,467 SO I COULD DO ANYTHING YOU GUYS WANT ME TO DO. 1683 01:21:44,467 --> 01:21:46,867 TALKING TO THE LIFE COACH MADE ME REALIZE 1684 01:21:46,867 --> 01:21:49,767 THAT I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY OTHER THINGS IN MY LIFE 1685 01:21:49,767 --> 01:21:51,067 WHERE I CAN BE SOCIAL 1686 01:21:51,067 --> 01:21:53,667 AND EVEN TRY TO HAVE A LIFE OUTSIDE OF DILLON. 1687 01:21:53,667 --> 01:21:55,800 WE'RE GONNA GO AHEAD AND WALK KELLY. 1688 01:21:55,800 --> 01:21:58,133 I THINK SHE'LL BE A GOOD ONE FOR YOUR FIRST ROUND. 1689 01:21:58,133 --> 01:22:01,067 SHE'S ACTUALLY VERY FRIENDLY. 1690 01:22:01,067 --> 01:22:02,633 SO I'M CHANGING THAT, 1691 01:22:02,633 --> 01:22:06,500 AND THIS IS THE FIRST BIG STEP TO ME BEING ON MY OWN, 1692 01:22:06,500 --> 01:22:10,100 MAKING A LIVING, AND TAKING CARE OF MYSELF AGAIN. 1693 01:22:10,100 --> 01:22:12,167 GOOD GIRL. 1694 01:22:12,167 --> 01:22:14,067 [ DOG BARKING ] 1695 01:22:14,067 --> 01:22:18,067 SO TO BE ABLE TO DO SOMETHING WHERE I GIVE BACK TO PEOPLE 1696 01:22:18,067 --> 01:22:21,067 OR EVEN LITTLE ANIMALS IS A GOOD FEELING. 1697 01:22:22,333 --> 01:22:24,800 ** 1698 01:22:26,333 --> 01:22:30,667 TODAY, I'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING I HAVEN'T DONE IN A LONG TIME. 1699 01:22:30,667 --> 01:22:33,700 I'M GOING TO GET MY HAIR DONE. 1700 01:22:33,700 --> 01:22:35,567 YOU EXCITED? Pauline: YEAH, I'M VERY EXCITED. 1701 01:22:35,567 --> 01:22:36,933 HAD A PONYTAIL FOR 10 YEARS, 1702 01:22:36,933 --> 01:22:38,733 SO I HAVEN'T REALLY DONE ANYTHING TO IT. 1703 01:22:38,733 --> 01:22:42,600 I ACTUALLY HAVEN'T HAD ANY KIND OF PAMPERING 1704 01:22:42,600 --> 01:22:44,433 FOR YEARS AND YEARS. 1705 01:22:44,433 --> 01:22:46,533 I THINK I'VE KIND OF BEEN NEGLECTFUL 1706 01:22:46,533 --> 01:22:47,933 OF TAKING CARE OF MYSELF, 1707 01:22:47,933 --> 01:22:50,067 'CAUSE ONCE I WAS AT MY LARGEST WEIGHT, 1708 01:22:50,067 --> 01:22:52,767 I KIND OF JUST GAVE UP AND THOUGHT IT DIDN'T MATTER. 1709 01:22:52,767 --> 01:22:55,933 NOW THAT I'M GETTING SMALLER, I'M FEELING MORE FEMININE, 1710 01:22:55,933 --> 01:22:59,167 I'M FEELING MORE LIKE I WANT TO PUT MAKEUP ON MORE OFTEN, 1711 01:22:59,167 --> 01:23:02,133 AND WHEN YOU LOOK BETTER, YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF. 1712 01:23:02,133 --> 01:23:05,833 SO I THINK IT'LL ALSO GIVE ME A LITTLE MORE CONFIDENCE, AS WELL. 1713 01:23:05,833 --> 01:23:09,333 I LIVED LIFE IN LIMBO FOR SO LONG, 1714 01:23:09,333 --> 01:23:13,100 HOPING AND DREAMING TO BE THIS FAR AND FURTHER 1715 01:23:13,100 --> 01:23:16,933 BUT NOT KNOWING IF IT EVER REALLY WOULD HAPPEN, 1716 01:23:16,933 --> 01:23:19,100 AND SO I'M STILL JUST IN SHOCK 1717 01:23:19,100 --> 01:23:23,633 THAT I'M EVEN AT THIS PLACE IN LIFE RIGHT NOW. 1718 01:23:23,633 --> 01:23:25,767 ALL RIGHT, PAULINE, LET'S TAKE A LOOK. 1719 01:23:25,767 --> 01:23:27,167 ** 1720 01:23:27,167 --> 01:23:29,300 NICE. [ CHUCKLES ] 1721 01:23:29,300 --> 01:23:31,333 BETTER? YEAH. 1722 01:23:31,333 --> 01:23:34,500 NICE. I LIKE IT. 1723 01:23:34,500 --> 01:23:37,467 I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS RIGHT NOW, 1724 01:23:37,467 --> 01:23:40,467 BUT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A REALLY LONG TIME, 1725 01:23:40,467 --> 01:23:42,967 I'M NOT SCARED OF THAT. 1726 01:23:44,300 --> 01:23:46,933 ** 1727 01:23:46,933 --> 01:23:50,333 Lola: TONIGHT, I'M COMING TO PERFORM AT A NIGHTCLUB, 1728 01:23:50,333 --> 01:23:52,467 AND I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS. 1729 01:23:52,467 --> 01:23:56,267 BUT I KNOW ONCE I GET ONSTAGE, I'LL BE FINE. 1730 01:23:56,267 --> 01:23:58,433 I'M SANTANA, BY THE WAY. OH, YOU'RE SANTANA. 1731 01:23:58,433 --> 01:24:00,367 I'M LOLA. NICE TO MEET YOU, LOLA. 1732 01:24:00,367 --> 01:24:01,433 NICE TO MEET YOU. 1733 01:24:01,433 --> 01:24:03,400 IT'S SO REFRESHING TO GET OUT AS LOLA 1734 01:24:03,400 --> 01:24:06,067 AND MEET NEW PEOPLE AND COME OUT OF MY SHELL. 1735 01:24:06,067 --> 01:24:09,167 NOW THAT I'M COMING OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE A LITTLE BIT 1736 01:24:09,167 --> 01:24:11,200 AND PUTTING MYSELF OUT THERE AND GOING OUT, 1737 01:24:11,200 --> 01:24:14,067 IT'S LIKE, "THIS IS FUN! 1738 01:24:14,067 --> 01:24:16,367 WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING WITH MY LIFE?" 1739 01:24:16,367 --> 01:24:18,167 ** 1740 01:24:18,167 --> 01:24:21,467 IT'S A WHOLE NEW EXPERIENCE FOR ME, BUT I'M LOVING IT. 1741 01:24:21,467 --> 01:24:22,733 ** 1742 01:24:22,733 --> 01:24:24,067 I'M LIVING MY LIFE. 1743 01:24:24,067 --> 01:24:26,800 NO PRETENDING ANYMORE THAT I'M SOMETHING I'M NOT. 1744 01:24:26,800 --> 01:24:30,400 Announcer: ARE YOU ALL READY FOR MISS LOLA TO SING? 1745 01:24:30,400 --> 01:24:33,067 SHE'S SO PRETTY. SHE REALLY, REALLY IS. 1746 01:24:33,067 --> 01:24:34,533 MISS LOLA. 1747 01:24:34,533 --> 01:24:37,500 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1748 01:24:38,667 --> 01:24:40,833 Lola: LET ME TELL Y'ALL A LITTLE BIT ABOUT MYSELF. 1749 01:24:40,833 --> 01:24:43,567 AT ONE POINT IN MY LIFE, I WAS 600 POUNDS. 1750 01:24:43,567 --> 01:24:46,400 I'VE LOST NEARLY 300 POUNDS. 1751 01:24:46,400 --> 01:24:48,533 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1752 01:24:50,200 --> 01:24:52,200 SO I THINK I'M GONNA SING A LITTLE SONG 1753 01:24:52,200 --> 01:24:55,900 FOR YOU LOVELY LADIES AND GENTS TONIGHT. 1754 01:24:55,900 --> 01:24:58,500 SO, MAESTRO, IF YOU WOULD... 1755 01:24:58,500 --> 01:25:02,100 [ PIANO PLAYING ] 1756 01:25:02,100 --> 01:25:05,067 * I AIN'T GONNA GIVE NOBODY * 1757 01:25:05,067 --> 01:25:09,467 * NONE OF MY JELLY ROLL * 1758 01:25:09,467 --> 01:25:12,067 * I WOULDN'T GIVE YOU A PIECE OF CAKE * 1759 01:25:12,067 --> 01:25:14,967 * JUST TO SAVE YOUR SOUL * 1760 01:25:14,967 --> 01:25:18,767 I'M SO HAPPY WITH MY LIFE NOW AND WITH EVERY SINGLE CHANGE 1761 01:25:18,767 --> 01:25:21,300 AND NEW THING THAT HAPPENS RIGHT ROW. 1762 01:25:21,300 --> 01:25:23,767 THERE'S NO MORE FEAR 1763 01:25:23,767 --> 01:25:26,233 BECAUSE I'M NOT WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME. 1764 01:25:26,233 --> 01:25:29,967 I'M JUST ME, AND THAT'S NEVER GONNA CHANGE. 1765 01:25:29,967 --> 01:25:32,333 * ...NO-O-O-O-NE * 1766 01:25:32,333 --> 01:25:32,933 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] LOLA IS HERE TO STAY. 1766 01:25:33,305 --> 01:26:33,694 Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE www.osdb.link/lm