"My 600-lb Life" Alicia's Story

1 00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:06,833 Alicia: IT'S A LIVING HELL TO BE IN THIS BODY, 2 00:00:06,833 --> 00:00:10,267 AND I'M KILLING MYSELF AND I CAN'T STOP IT. 3 00:00:10,267 --> 00:00:16,333 ** 4 00:00:16,333 --> 00:00:19,200 OH, GOD. [ GROANING ] 5 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,833 Woman: MY LIFE IS WASTING AWAY, AND I HATE IT. 6 00:00:22,833 --> 00:00:26,333 Woman #2: I TRIED TO CHANGE, BUT SOMETHING ALWAYS KNOCKS ME DOWN. 7 00:00:26,333 --> 00:00:33,867 ** 8 00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:36,000 MY LIFE, IT'S LIKE LIVING A DEATH SENTENCE. 9 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,667 OH! OW! [BLEEP] 10 00:00:38,667 --> 00:00:40,333 THIS IS NO LIFE FOR ANYONE. 11 00:00:40,333 --> 00:00:44,667 ** 12 00:00:44,667 --> 00:00:47,400 Woman: OH, JUST PRAY FOR ME. 13 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:49,033 OW, MY LEG! 14 00:00:49,033 --> 00:00:50,367 SIT DOWN RIGHT THERE. 15 00:00:50,367 --> 00:00:51,567 YOU'RE MAKING ME MAD. 16 00:00:51,567 --> 00:00:53,733 THIS IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE. 17 00:00:53,733 --> 00:00:58,533 ** 18 00:00:58,533 --> 00:01:02,133 NO MATTER IF I FAIL OR IF I SUCCEED, 19 00:01:02,133 --> 00:01:04,733 I JUST WANT TO KNOW THAT YOU LOVE ME AND THAT YOU'RE HERE. 20 00:01:04,733 --> 00:01:07,733 -- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com 21 00:01:07,733 --> 00:01:10,733 CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS 22 00:01:10,733 --> 00:01:13,167 ** 23 00:01:13,167 --> 00:01:15,667 Alicia: TAKING A LEAP OF FAITH TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE 24 00:01:15,667 --> 00:01:18,100 IS STEPPING INTO THE UNKNOWN. 25 00:01:18,100 --> 00:01:21,067 IT FEELS IMPOSSIBLE... 26 00:01:21,067 --> 00:01:23,867 UNLESS YOU'RE WILLING TO REPLACE FEAR WITH HOPE. 27 00:01:23,867 --> 00:01:32,533 ** 28 00:01:32,533 --> 00:01:41,200 ** 29 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:49,867 ** 30 00:01:49,867 --> 00:01:53,600 EVERY DAY I DREAD GETTING UP 31 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:56,300 BECAUSE PUSHING MYSELF OUT OF BED EACH MORNING 32 00:01:56,300 --> 00:01:58,433 IS THE HARDEST PART OF MY DAY. 33 00:01:58,433 --> 00:02:01,433 ** 34 00:02:01,433 --> 00:02:03,200 THERE ARE DEFINITELY DAYS WHERE IT'S JUST LIKE 35 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:05,867 I WISH I COULD JUST STAY HERE, 36 00:02:05,867 --> 00:02:08,133 AND AT THE SAME TIME, THAT'S ALSO A FEAR THAT ONE DAY 37 00:02:08,133 --> 00:02:09,867 I WILL BECOME BEDRIDDEN. 38 00:02:09,867 --> 00:02:12,200 ** 39 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,233 BUT IT'S PAINFUL. 40 00:02:14,233 --> 00:02:16,367 IT'S PAINFUL TO HAVE TO GET UP FROM BED. 41 00:02:16,367 --> 00:02:18,933 ** 42 00:02:18,933 --> 00:02:23,367 I'M ALWAYS WORRIED ABOUT MY ANKLES GIVING OUT AND COLLAPSING 43 00:02:23,367 --> 00:02:27,100 BECAUSE MY JOINTS AND MUSCLES BARELY SUSTAIN MY WEIGHT. 44 00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:30,200 ** 45 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:34,167 MY BODY HAS REACHED A POINT THAT I CAN'T EVEN GO A FEW STEPS 46 00:02:34,167 --> 00:02:36,067 WITHOUT BEING WINDED. 47 00:02:36,067 --> 00:02:38,600 ** 48 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:43,800 BECAUSE I'M THE SIZE OF FIVE PEOPLE IN ONE BODY, 49 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:46,067 MY WEIGHT MAKES EVERYTHING HARD. 50 00:02:46,067 --> 00:02:50,433 ** 51 00:02:50,433 --> 00:02:55,267 AND A SIMPLE TASK LIKE SHOWERING CAN FEEL ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE. 52 00:02:55,267 --> 00:02:59,600 ** 53 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:02,967 AND IT'S HARD TO STAND FOR SO LONG IN ONE PLACE. 54 00:03:02,967 --> 00:03:05,400 ** 55 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:08,500 SO I HAVE TO TAKE BREAKS AND REST. 56 00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:11,900 ** 57 00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:14,367 I TRY TO DO THIS ALL ON MY OWN, 58 00:03:14,367 --> 00:03:16,433 BUT WITH IT GETTING HARDER AND HARDER, 59 00:03:16,433 --> 00:03:21,867 I KNOW SOON I'M GOING TO NEED HELP JUST TO DO ANYTHING. 60 00:03:21,867 --> 00:03:25,533 MY BOYFRIEND, TIM, STARTED LIVING WITH ME YEARS AGO, 61 00:03:25,533 --> 00:03:28,233 BUT I REFUSE TO LET HIM HELP ME SHOWER 62 00:03:28,233 --> 00:03:31,133 BECAUSE I'VE NEVER WANTED TO BE THAT BURDEN. 63 00:03:31,133 --> 00:03:33,733 THE THOUGHT OF HAVING TO ASK HIM FOR HELP 64 00:03:33,733 --> 00:03:37,900 TO CARE FOR MYSELF IS MORTIFYING. 65 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:46,433 AND I CAN'T HAVE HIM SEE ME LIKE THIS BECAUSE I HATE MY BODY. 66 00:03:46,433 --> 00:03:49,667 IT'S DISGUSTING, 67 00:03:49,667 --> 00:03:56,233 AND LIVING IN THIS BODY IS MY WORST NIGHTMARE. 68 00:03:56,233 --> 00:03:59,500 WHEN I SEE MYSELF IN A PICTURE OR IN A MIRROR, 69 00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:00,867 YOU ALMOST WOULD THINK, LIKE, 70 00:04:00,867 --> 00:04:03,567 "SHOULDN'T THAT BE ENOUGH TO JUST STOP AND REALIZE 71 00:04:03,567 --> 00:04:05,600 WHAT IT IS YOU'RE DOING?" 72 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:08,833 BUT I GET SO DEPRESSED BY IT THAT I GO TO WHAT IS 73 00:04:08,833 --> 00:04:10,967 THE MOST COMFORTING, WHICH IS FOOD, 74 00:04:10,967 --> 00:04:13,967 AND AS FAR BACK AS I CAN REMEMBER, 75 00:04:13,967 --> 00:04:17,600 FOOD HAS ALWAYS BEEN WHAT HAS CONSOLED ME. 76 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:22,467 ** 77 00:04:22,467 --> 00:04:24,767 FOOD MAKES ME SO HAPPY THAT JUST SEEING IT 78 00:04:24,767 --> 00:04:27,600 AND SMELLING IT STARTS TO HELP ME FEEL BETTER 79 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,433 AND HELPS WITH MY ANXIETY. 80 00:04:29,433 --> 00:04:33,333 ** 81 00:04:33,333 --> 00:04:38,600 I FEEL LIKE FOOD IS THE ONE THING THAT DOESN'T JUDGE YOU. 82 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:43,067 IT NEVER LETS ME DOWN AND NEVER DISAPPOINTS ME. 83 00:04:43,067 --> 00:04:47,500 IT FILLS A VOID AND EMPTINESS INSIDE ME. 84 00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:49,767 EATING DOUGHNUTS FOR ME CAN BE DESCRIBED 85 00:04:49,767 --> 00:04:51,867 AS A SEXUAL EXPERIENCE ALMOST, BECAUSE IT IS. 86 00:04:51,867 --> 00:04:55,533 LIKE, IT'S SO FULFILLING AND IT'S SATISFYING. 87 00:04:55,533 --> 00:04:58,100 ** 88 00:04:58,100 --> 00:05:01,300 AND TO BE ABLE TO EAT AND ENJOY THIS ALONE 89 00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:05,067 WITH NOBODY WATCHING IS THE BEST PART OF MY DAY. 90 00:05:05,067 --> 00:05:10,433 ** 91 00:05:10,433 --> 00:05:14,667 BUT ONCE I START, I CAN'T STOP, 92 00:05:14,667 --> 00:05:16,767 AND UNFORTUNATELY MY ADDICTION TO FOOD 93 00:05:16,767 --> 00:05:21,067 HAS ONLY GOTTEN WORSE OVER THE YEARS. 94 00:05:21,067 --> 00:05:26,433 NEVER IN MY LIFE DID I THINK THIS IS WHERE I WOULD END UP, 95 00:05:26,433 --> 00:05:28,500 AT 600 POUNDS. 96 00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:35,067 ** 97 00:05:35,067 --> 00:05:39,400 I STARTED TO PUT ON WEIGHT AT A YOUNG AGE. 98 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:42,700 MY CHILDHOOD WAS VERY CHAOTIC. 99 00:05:42,700 --> 00:05:45,200 ** 100 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:48,300 I REMEMBER FEELING LIKE OUR FAMILY WAS DIFFERENT THAN OTHERS 101 00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:49,900 BECAUSE IT WAS MY MOM THAT WORKED 102 00:05:49,900 --> 00:05:51,800 TO SUPPORT OUR FAMILY OF FOUR, 103 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,333 AND MY DAD WOULD GO OUT TO THE BARS DRINKING. 104 00:05:54,333 --> 00:05:57,067 ** 105 00:05:57,067 --> 00:05:58,967 SO, HE WASN'T REALLY AROUND MUCH 106 00:05:58,967 --> 00:06:02,067 AND DIDN'T PARTICIPATE IN OUR DAILY LIVES. 107 00:06:02,067 --> 00:06:04,433 ** 108 00:06:04,433 --> 00:06:06,100 AND I FELT LIKE MY MOM WAS ANGRY 109 00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:08,067 AND HAD A LOT OF RESENTMENT TOWARDS HIM, 110 00:06:08,067 --> 00:06:09,333 SO WHEN HE WOULD COME HOME, 111 00:06:09,333 --> 00:06:11,367 THERE WAS ALWAYS A LOT OF FIGHTING, 112 00:06:11,367 --> 00:06:14,133 AND SOMETIMES IT WOULD GET LOUD AND VIOLENT. 113 00:06:14,133 --> 00:06:16,533 ** 114 00:06:16,533 --> 00:06:18,267 AND IF IT WEREN'T FOR MY GRANDMA FAY, 115 00:06:18,267 --> 00:06:21,067 I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD ANYONE, BECAUSE SHE'S REALLY 116 00:06:21,067 --> 00:06:26,067 WHO I FEEL LIKE RAISED ME AND TOOK CARE OF ME. 117 00:06:26,067 --> 00:06:27,700 AND WHEN MY PARENTS WOULD FIGHT, 118 00:06:27,700 --> 00:06:30,200 SHE WOULD TRY TO DISTRACT ME WITH ICE CREAM, 119 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:32,767 AND I REMEMBER HOW IT MADE ME FEEL BETTER, 120 00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:36,067 AND SO SUGAR BECAME THE THING IN MY LIFE WITH MY GRANDMOTHER 121 00:06:36,067 --> 00:06:37,600 THAT I KNEW COULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER 122 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:39,567 WHEN I WAS AFRAID OR UPSET. 123 00:06:39,567 --> 00:06:41,533 ** 124 00:06:41,533 --> 00:06:46,167 AND BY THE TIME I WAS 7, I WAS AROUND 160 POUNDS. 125 00:06:46,167 --> 00:06:48,500 MY MOM BEGAN TO HEAR FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS 126 00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:50,933 THAT THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME, 127 00:06:50,933 --> 00:06:52,933 THAT I HAVE A PROBLEM, 128 00:06:52,933 --> 00:06:57,733 AND SHE FELT LIKE IT MADE HER LOOK BAD AS A MOTHER. 129 00:06:57,733 --> 00:06:59,700 SO SHE WOULD SCREAM AT ME FOR EATING 130 00:06:59,700 --> 00:07:02,567 AND TOLD ME I WAS GETTING TOO FAT. 131 00:07:02,567 --> 00:07:07,567 I STARTED TO WORRY ABOUT ALICIA'S WEIGHT IN GRADE SCHOOL. 132 00:07:07,567 --> 00:07:10,767 YOU WOULD HEAR REMARKS FROM OTHER PEOPLE AND WONDER, 133 00:07:10,767 --> 00:07:14,333 "MAYBE I SHOULD BE MORE WORRIED THAN I AM." 134 00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:18,800 I THOUGHT MAYBE SHE WOULD OUTGROW IT, BUT SHE DIDN'T. 135 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:22,367 ** 136 00:07:22,367 --> 00:07:24,267 Alicia: SO MY EATING JUST GOT WORSE 137 00:07:24,267 --> 00:07:27,967 BECAUSE I WAS MORE DEPRESSED AND I KEPT GOING, 138 00:07:27,967 --> 00:07:32,800 AND I HIT 200 POUNDS BY THE TIME I WAS 10. 139 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:35,700 AND THAT'S WHEN MY LIFE CAME CRASHING DOWN. 140 00:07:35,700 --> 00:07:40,067 ** 141 00:07:40,067 --> 00:07:43,433 MY GRANDMA FAY WAS DIAGNOSED WITH LUNG CANCER, 142 00:07:43,433 --> 00:07:47,900 AND I'D GO TO VISIT HER DAILY IN THE HOSPITAL, 143 00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:51,267 BUT THEN ONE DAY I COULD TELL SHE WAS GETTING WORSE. 144 00:07:51,267 --> 00:07:54,300 SHE WAS HOOKED UP TO MORE AND MORE WIRES. 145 00:07:54,300 --> 00:08:00,067 IT FREAKED ME OUT, AND I LEFT WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE TO HER. 146 00:08:00,067 --> 00:08:01,767 SHE PASSED AWAY THAT NIGHT. 147 00:08:01,767 --> 00:08:04,833 ** 148 00:08:04,833 --> 00:08:08,933 SHE WAS THE PERSON I MOST LOVED, AND I DIDN'T GET TO SAY GOODBYE. 149 00:08:08,933 --> 00:08:13,100 I WAS SHATTERED, BUT I HAD NO ONE AT THAT POINT. 150 00:08:13,100 --> 00:08:17,833 MY MOM WAS EMBARRASSED BY ME, AND MY DAD WAS BARELY AROUND, 151 00:08:17,833 --> 00:08:20,667 AND THE ONLY PERSON WHO HAD LOVED ME WAS GONE. 152 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,267 ** 153 00:08:23,267 --> 00:08:25,767 AND EATING NOT ONLY HELPED ME WITH THE PAIN, 154 00:08:25,767 --> 00:08:28,433 BUT IT MADE ME FEEL LIKE MY GRANDMA WAS BACK WITH ME 155 00:08:28,433 --> 00:08:30,500 BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WE SHARED TOGETHER. 156 00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:32,767 ** 157 00:08:32,767 --> 00:08:35,567 SO I WOULD BEGIN SNEAKING FOOD AT NIGHT. 158 00:08:35,567 --> 00:08:38,600 I DIDN'T WANT MY MOM TO SEE HOW MUCH I WAS EATING 159 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,667 BECAUSE SHE WAS ALREADY EMBARRASSED OF ME, 160 00:08:41,667 --> 00:08:44,633 AND I WAS EATING CONSTANTLY. 161 00:08:44,633 --> 00:08:47,100 ** 162 00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:50,867 SO I GAINED ANOTHER 80 POUNDS OVER THE NEXT FEW YEARS, 163 00:08:50,867 --> 00:08:55,267 AND I WAS GETTING CLOSE TO 300 POUNDS BY THE TIME I WAS 14. 164 00:08:55,267 --> 00:08:57,667 ** 165 00:08:57,667 --> 00:08:58,967 BEFORE I WENT TO BED, 166 00:08:58,967 --> 00:09:01,200 I WOULD PRAY THAT I WOULD WAKE UP SKINNY, 167 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:04,167 BUT I WAS ALWAYS THE SAME FAT KID IN THE MORNING. 168 00:09:04,167 --> 00:09:07,933 MY MOM WAS SO ASHAMED, SHE PUT ME IN A WEIGHT-LOSS CLUB. 169 00:09:07,933 --> 00:09:10,133 ** 170 00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:12,300 I WAS REALLY ANGRY AT MY MOM, 171 00:09:12,300 --> 00:09:14,600 THAT SHE MADE ME GO TO THOSE MEETINGS, 172 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:18,067 AND SHE WOULD SAY, "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THIS, EITHER. 173 00:09:18,067 --> 00:09:21,900 I'M DOING THIS FOR YOU." 174 00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:24,500 BUT I STARTED TO THINK THAT THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERED 175 00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:27,167 TO MY MOM WAS MY WEIGHT. 176 00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:30,400 I WAS JUST A NUMBER AND NO LONGER A PERSON, 177 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:35,067 AND BY THE TIME I WAS 18, I WAS OVER 400 POUNDS. 178 00:09:35,067 --> 00:09:37,767 ** 179 00:09:37,767 --> 00:09:40,067 BUT MY WEIGHT NEVER HELD ME BACK THEN. 180 00:09:40,067 --> 00:09:43,433 I STILL HAD FRIENDS, AND I'D STILL GO OUT. 181 00:09:43,433 --> 00:09:47,433 I EVEN DATED, BUT THEN AT THE END OF MY SENIOR YEAR, 182 00:09:47,433 --> 00:09:50,533 A MALE FRIEND WHO I HAD ALWAYS HAD A CRUSH ON CAME OVER, 183 00:09:50,533 --> 00:09:52,433 AND WE STARTED MESSING AROUND, 184 00:09:52,433 --> 00:09:54,467 AND I EVENTUALLY TOLD HIM TO STOP, 185 00:09:54,467 --> 00:09:57,600 AND HE DIDN'T STOP. 186 00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:00,633 AND HE RAPED ME. 187 00:10:00,633 --> 00:10:03,233 I FELT JUST REALLY WEAK AND HELPLESS, 188 00:10:03,233 --> 00:10:06,667 AND ALSO I FELT A LOT OF SHAME. 189 00:10:06,667 --> 00:10:09,767 I FELT LIKE I HAD NO ONE TO TURN TO. 190 00:10:09,767 --> 00:10:11,833 WHO'S GOING TO BELIEVE ME? 191 00:10:11,833 --> 00:10:13,733 WHO'S GOING TO BELIEVE THAT HE RAPED YOU 192 00:10:13,733 --> 00:10:16,200 BECAUSE WHY WOULD HE WANT TO? 193 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,200 FAT GIRLS DON'T GET RAPED. 194 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:23,667 AND SO I HID WHAT HAPPENED FROM EVERYONE, 195 00:10:23,667 --> 00:10:25,267 AND I DID WHAT I KNEW. 196 00:10:25,267 --> 00:10:27,167 I ATE TO DEAL WITH THE PAIN. 197 00:10:27,167 --> 00:10:29,500 ** 198 00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:33,133 WHEN I WAS 20, MY WEIGHT GOT TO OVER 500 POUNDS, 199 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:36,700 AND I WAS NO LONGER ABLE TO FUNCTION LIKE A NORMAL PERSON. 200 00:10:36,700 --> 00:10:39,000 ** 201 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,333 JoAnn: THIS IS NOT THE LIFE I WANTED HER TO HAVE. 202 00:10:41,333 --> 00:10:45,267 I WANTED HER TO BE HAPPY AND ACTIVE AND HEALTHY. 203 00:10:45,267 --> 00:10:48,800 SOMETIMES YOU LOSE CONTROL OF WHAT'S GOING ON 204 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:54,900 AND YOU DON'T REALIZE IT UNTIL IT'S TOO LATE. 205 00:10:54,900 --> 00:10:56,333 Alicia: SO I DROPPED OUT OF COLLEGE 206 00:10:56,333 --> 00:10:59,367 AND GAVE UP MY DREAM OF BEING A KINDERGARTEN TEACHER. 207 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:01,567 I FELT LIKE A COMPLETE FAILURE. 208 00:11:03,667 --> 00:11:07,533 I FELT LIKE I WAS NEVER GOING TO HAVE A FULFILLING LIFE 209 00:11:07,533 --> 00:11:10,533 AND I WAS CONTEMPLATING SUICIDE OFTEN. 210 00:11:10,533 --> 00:11:15,700 IT WOULD BE MY ESCAPE FROM ALL THE DISAPPOINTMENTS. 211 00:11:15,700 --> 00:11:18,533 I WAS TIRED OF FEELING LIKE A FAILURE TO MY MOM, 212 00:11:18,533 --> 00:11:21,167 TO MY FAMILY, AND TO MYSELF, 213 00:11:21,167 --> 00:11:24,633 AND THE PAIN AND STRUGGLE WAS BECOMING TOO MUCH, 214 00:11:24,633 --> 00:11:26,833 AND I JUST WANTED TO END IT. 215 00:11:26,833 --> 00:11:29,467 ** 216 00:11:29,467 --> 00:11:31,467 AND I THINK I WOULD HAVE DONE THAT, 217 00:11:31,467 --> 00:11:33,733 BUT THAT'S WHEN I MET TIM. 218 00:11:33,733 --> 00:11:36,433 ** 219 00:11:36,433 --> 00:11:39,633 WE MET SIX YEARS AGO AND WE CONNECTED QUICKLY 220 00:11:39,633 --> 00:11:41,500 BECAUSE WE WERE BOTH ADDICTS. 221 00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:43,433 HE WAS ADDICTED TO DRUGS. 222 00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:47,700 AND SO HE UNDERSTOOD MY ADDICTION TO FOOD 223 00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:50,300 AND DIDN'T JUDGE ME. 224 00:11:50,300 --> 00:11:52,233 Tim: WHEN ALICIA AND I FIRST MET, 225 00:11:52,233 --> 00:11:58,100 WHAT I DID NOTICE WAS JUST HER CAREFREE SPIRIT, HER LAUGH, 226 00:11:58,100 --> 00:12:01,367 AND HER SIZE DIDN'T BOTHER ME, 227 00:12:01,367 --> 00:12:02,833 AND I REALLY LIKED BEING WITH HER 228 00:12:02,833 --> 00:12:06,967 BECAUSE SHE WAS ALWAYS LAUGHING AND SMILING. 229 00:12:06,967 --> 00:12:10,267 BUT NOW IT'S ALMOST LIKE SHE'S A TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSON. 230 00:12:12,333 --> 00:12:16,067 AND OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS GROWN STAGNANT, 231 00:12:16,067 --> 00:12:17,333 AND AS TIME GOES ON, 232 00:12:17,333 --> 00:12:20,133 ALICIA DOESN'T WANT TO DO HARDLY ANYTHING AT ALL. 233 00:12:20,133 --> 00:12:24,433 SHE JUST WANTS TO SIT IN FRONT OF THE TV AND EAT, 234 00:12:24,433 --> 00:12:25,867 WHICH REALLY FRUSTRATES ME 235 00:12:25,867 --> 00:12:28,067 BECAUSE WE HAVE A LIFE TO LIVE TOGETHER. 236 00:12:28,067 --> 00:12:30,533 ** 237 00:12:30,533 --> 00:12:34,833 Alicia: TIM WAS ADDICTED TO DRUGS, BUT HE GOT CLEAN, 238 00:12:34,833 --> 00:12:37,167 AND NOW I'M THE ONE KILLING MYSELF... 239 00:12:37,167 --> 00:12:39,867 ** 240 00:12:39,867 --> 00:12:43,367 ...BECAUSE I CAN'T STOP MYSELF FROM EATING. 241 00:12:43,367 --> 00:12:45,633 IF THERE'S ANY FOOD IN THE HOUSE, I EAT IT, 242 00:12:45,633 --> 00:12:48,400 SO WE RUN OUT OF FOOD QUICKLY. 243 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:50,967 SO WHEN TIM'S AT WORK AND WE'RE OUT, 244 00:12:50,967 --> 00:12:54,067 THE ONLY WAY I CAN EAT IS TO GO GET IT MYSELF. 245 00:12:54,067 --> 00:12:57,900 I CAN'T WAIT ALL DAY FOR HIM TO GET HOME. 246 00:12:57,900 --> 00:13:00,367 GOING TO GET FOOD IS ALMOST THE ONLY THING 247 00:13:00,367 --> 00:13:02,300 THAT GETS ME OUT OF THE HOUSE. 248 00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:04,467 ** 249 00:13:04,467 --> 00:13:06,633 THE ONLY THING I'M REALLY LIVING FOR AT THIS POINT 250 00:13:06,633 --> 00:13:08,933 IS THE NEXT MEAL, 251 00:13:08,933 --> 00:13:10,633 BUT IT'S NOT EASY FOR ME. 252 00:13:10,633 --> 00:13:14,300 I AM THE HEAVIEST I'VE EVER BEEN, 253 00:13:14,300 --> 00:13:18,133 SO GETTING INTO THE CAR IS PAINFUL AND CHALLENGING, 254 00:13:18,133 --> 00:13:20,067 AND I BARELY FIT. 255 00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:23,300 ** 256 00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:25,600 I HATE GOING TO THE GROCERY STORE. 257 00:13:27,867 --> 00:13:32,767 AND I HAVE ANXIETY ABOUT BEING IN PUBLIC... 258 00:13:32,767 --> 00:13:36,700 BECAUSE I HAVE A FEAR OF PEOPLE JUDGING ME, 259 00:13:36,700 --> 00:13:39,533 AND IF IT WASN'T TO GET FOOD FOR THE REST OF THE DAY, 260 00:13:39,533 --> 00:13:41,667 THEN I WOULD LITERALLY NEVER GO OUT. 261 00:13:41,667 --> 00:13:45,100 ** 262 00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:47,500 I CAN FEEL PEOPLE LOOKING AT ME. 263 00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:50,467 I CAN FEEL THEIR STARES. 264 00:13:50,467 --> 00:13:53,467 I FEEL LIKE AN ANIMAL THAT PEOPLE ARE LOOKING AT 265 00:13:53,467 --> 00:13:57,067 TO SEE WHAT I WILL PUT IN MY CART NEXT. 266 00:13:57,067 --> 00:14:00,700 BUT I IGNORE IT ALL BECAUSE WHEN I SEE ALL THIS FOOD, 267 00:14:00,700 --> 00:14:03,333 ESPECIALLY ALL THE CARBS AND SWEETS, 268 00:14:03,333 --> 00:14:06,967 IT MAKES ME FEEL HAPPY. 269 00:14:06,967 --> 00:14:08,900 -HELLO. HOW ARE YOU? -WONDERFUL. HOW ARE YOU? 270 00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:10,567 GOOD, THANK YOU. 271 00:14:10,567 --> 00:14:15,567 I GET EXCITED TO KNOW THAT I GET TO GO HOME AND EAT THIS. 272 00:14:15,567 --> 00:14:16,633 -THANK YOU SO MUCH. -HERE YOU GO. 273 00:14:16,633 --> 00:14:17,800 -HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY. -YOU AS WELL. 274 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,067 THANK YOU. 275 00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:20,567 AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER, 276 00:14:20,567 --> 00:14:22,733 FOOD HAS ALWAYS BEEN A PART OF MY LIFE, 277 00:14:22,733 --> 00:14:26,133 BUT NOW ALL I THINK ABOUT IS FOOD. 278 00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:28,467 IF I'M OUT, IT'S ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME 279 00:14:28,467 --> 00:14:31,767 NOT TO STOP SOMEWHERE AND GET SOMETHING. 280 00:14:31,767 --> 00:14:33,300 IT'S OKAY. IT'S ALMOST LIKE A REWARD. 281 00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:35,167 WELL, YOU REWARD YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU GOT OUT. 282 00:14:35,167 --> 00:14:36,533 SO GOOD JOB FOR GETTING OUT, 283 00:14:36,533 --> 00:14:39,167 WALKING AROUND THE WHOLE GROCERY STORE. 284 00:14:39,167 --> 00:14:40,867 NOW GET SOME FOOD. 285 00:14:43,533 --> 00:14:47,367 CAN I GET TWO OF THE FIVE-PIECE BREAST STRIP MEALS, 286 00:14:47,367 --> 00:14:49,833 MASHED POTATOES AND GRAVY, 287 00:14:49,833 --> 00:14:53,367 AND CAN I ALSO GET NINE OF YOUR FRIED DILL PICKLES 288 00:14:53,367 --> 00:14:55,067 AND THEN SOME JALAPEÑO POPPERS? 289 00:14:55,067 --> 00:14:56,933 Woman: ALL RIGHT, IT'S GONNA BE $27.47. 290 00:14:56,933 --> 00:14:59,200 THANK YOU. 291 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:04,533 I KNOW I'M EATING A LOT, BUT MY HUNGER NEVER GOES AWAY. 292 00:15:04,533 --> 00:15:07,500 AND ONCE I CRAVE SOMETHING, I HAVE TO HAVE IT. 293 00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:08,667 -HERE YOU GO. -THANK YOU SO MUCH. 294 00:15:08,667 --> 00:15:10,767 -HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY. -THANK YOU. YOU TOO. 295 00:15:10,767 --> 00:15:14,400 ** 296 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:19,167 I FEEL AWFUL AND LIKE A BAD PERSON FOR DOING IT, 297 00:15:19,167 --> 00:15:21,767 BUT THE TRUTH IS, I CAN'T STOP MYSELF. 298 00:15:21,767 --> 00:15:27,333 I DEFINITELY ENJOY THE FOOD MORE WHEN I KNOW NOBODY'S WATCHING 299 00:15:27,333 --> 00:15:30,667 BECAUSE THEN THERE'S NO JUDGMENT. 300 00:15:30,667 --> 00:15:34,733 AND THEY TASTE REALLY GOOD WHEN THEY'RE HOT AND FRESH. 301 00:15:34,733 --> 00:15:36,333 I'M JUST GOING TO TELL TIM THAT I GOT US 302 00:15:36,333 --> 00:15:38,267 AN ORDER OF POPPERS TO SHARE. 303 00:15:38,267 --> 00:15:43,200 ** 304 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:46,300 I AM NOT HONEST WITH TIM ABOUT HOW MUCH I EAT, 305 00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:48,533 AND I HATE THAT I'M LYING TO HIM. 306 00:15:48,533 --> 00:15:50,900 I MEAN, TECHNICALLY, THAT'S NOT REALLY A LIE 307 00:15:50,900 --> 00:15:54,367 BECAUSE IT IS FOR US TO SHARE. 308 00:15:54,367 --> 00:15:56,067 HE JUST DOESN'T KNOW EXACTLY HOW MANY WERE IN THERE 309 00:15:56,067 --> 00:15:57,533 TO BEGIN WITH. 310 00:15:57,533 --> 00:16:03,267 ** 311 00:16:03,267 --> 00:16:07,367 WHEN I GET HOME, ALL I WANT TO DO IS GET THIS FOOD IN AND EAT, 312 00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:10,400 EVEN THOUGH I JUST HAD SOMETHING. 313 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,100 AND I BEAT MYSELF UP EVERY DAY ABOUT IT, 314 00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:14,367 BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY, 315 00:16:14,367 --> 00:16:19,533 IT IS MY CHOICES THAT HAVE GOTTEN ME TO WHERE I AM. 316 00:16:19,533 --> 00:16:23,067 BUT ONCE I GET HOME, I REWARD MYSELF WITH ANOTHER MEAL 317 00:16:23,067 --> 00:16:27,800 AND I FINISH OFF THE REST OF THE FAST FOOD I GOT. 318 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:30,333 THERE IS AN EMPTY VOID INSIDE ME 319 00:16:30,333 --> 00:16:32,500 THAT NEEDS TO BE FILLED WITH FOOD. 320 00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:37,733 ** 321 00:16:37,733 --> 00:16:39,967 [ DOOR OPENS ] 322 00:16:39,967 --> 00:16:41,200 HEY, BABE. 323 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,200 HI, BABY. 324 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:44,700 YOUR DINNER'S IN THE MICROWAVE WHEN YOU'RE DONE. 325 00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:45,733 THANK YOU. I SEE THAT. 326 00:16:45,733 --> 00:16:46,800 THANK YOU FOR GETTING THAT FOR ME. 327 00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:48,200 YOU'RE WELCOME. 328 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:54,700 ** 329 00:16:54,700 --> 00:16:57,833 Tim: ITS BEEN FRUSTRATING WATCHING ALICIA GAIN WEIGHT 330 00:16:57,833 --> 00:16:59,667 OVER THE YEARS. 331 00:16:59,667 --> 00:17:01,667 WHAT SHE WAS ABLE TO DO A YEAR AGO 332 00:17:01,667 --> 00:17:03,433 SHE DEFINITELY CAN'T DO NOW. 333 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:09,667 I FEEL HELPLESS IN GETTING ALICIA OUT OF HER ADDICTION. 334 00:17:11,867 --> 00:17:17,200 I HAVEN'T CARED ABOUT ANYBODY IN MY WHOLE LIFE LIKE I DO ALICIA. 335 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:20,233 I DON'T WANT TO WATCH SOMEBODY I LOVE DIE. 336 00:17:20,233 --> 00:17:23,333 I DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITH SOMEBODY WHO CHOOSES TO DIE. 337 00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:28,667 ** 338 00:17:28,667 --> 00:17:31,133 Alicia: MY ADDICTION HAS TAKEN OVER MY LIFE 339 00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:34,700 AND MY RELATIONSHIP WITH TIM, 340 00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:36,533 AND IT HAS TO BE HARD FOR HIM TO KNOW 341 00:17:36,533 --> 00:17:40,767 THAT AT THIS SIZE, I MAY NOT HAVE MUCH LONGER, 342 00:17:40,767 --> 00:17:44,400 AND I CAN'T BEAR THE THOUGHT OF LEAVING HIM, 343 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:49,367 BUT I AM KILLING MYSELF AND I CAN'T STOP IT. 344 00:17:49,367 --> 00:17:54,533 IF I DON'T GET HELP NOW, I FEEL LIKE THE NEXT HURDLE COULD BE 345 00:17:54,533 --> 00:17:57,867 TIM TRYING TO FIND A CASKET THAT WILL FIT MY BODY. 346 00:18:04,433 --> 00:18:13,267 ** 347 00:18:13,267 --> 00:18:22,133 ** 348 00:18:22,133 --> 00:18:24,067 Alicia: TODAY IS THE BIG DAY. 349 00:18:26,133 --> 00:18:28,767 TIM AND I WILL BE MAKING THE LONG DRIVE TO HOUSTON 350 00:18:28,767 --> 00:18:30,333 TO SEE DR. NOW. 351 00:18:30,333 --> 00:18:32,900 ** 352 00:18:32,900 --> 00:18:35,833 AND I'M VERY NERVOUS AND ANXIOUS RIGHT NOW. 353 00:18:35,833 --> 00:18:37,900 Tim: ALL RIGHT. I GOT MY BAG LOADED. 354 00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:39,133 -YOU READY? -YEAH. 355 00:18:39,133 --> 00:18:40,733 WILL YOU HAND ME MY PURSE AND ALL? 356 00:18:40,733 --> 00:18:42,100 YEAH. 357 00:18:42,100 --> 00:18:43,900 BUT I HAVE TIM BY MY SIDE, 358 00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:47,267 SO I FEEL LIKE I AT LEAST HAVE A FIGHTING CHANCE TO MAKE IT. 359 00:18:47,267 --> 00:18:49,933 ** 360 00:18:49,933 --> 00:18:51,767 -GOOD LUCK. -YEAH. I'LL BE BACK IN FOR YOU. 361 00:18:51,767 --> 00:18:55,067 -ALL RIGHT? -OKAY. 362 00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:57,067 BUT MY REAL CONCERN IS THE EFFECT 363 00:18:57,067 --> 00:19:00,700 THAT THIS TRIP WILL HAVE ON MY BODY. 364 00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:03,567 Tim: I'M REALLY NERVOUS ABOUT THE DRIVE TODAY. 365 00:19:03,567 --> 00:19:06,367 ALICIA, I DON'T THINK SHE'S EVEN PROBABLY PREPARED 366 00:19:06,367 --> 00:19:08,833 FOR HOW SHE'S GOING TO FEEL. 367 00:19:08,833 --> 00:19:12,700 AND SO IT'S GOING TO BE TOUGH FOR HER DOING THIS DRIVE. 368 00:19:12,700 --> 00:19:14,533 ALL RIGHT, BOO. YOU READY TO GO? 369 00:19:14,533 --> 00:19:16,367 -YEAH. -CAR'S ALL PACKED UP. 370 00:19:16,367 --> 00:19:19,067 ALL RIGHT. 371 00:19:19,067 --> 00:19:22,433 Alicia: I KNOW THAT THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG TRIP. 372 00:19:22,433 --> 00:19:24,733 IT'S GOING TO TAKE A LOT OUT OF ME 373 00:19:24,733 --> 00:19:27,767 JUST BEING IN THE CAR KIND OF CRAMMED UP. 374 00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:32,200 IT'S ALWAYS HARD ON MY FEET AND MY ANKLES ESPECIALLY. 375 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:36,667 FOR A REGULAR PERSON, THE TRIP FROM ILLINOIS TO HOUSTON 376 00:19:36,667 --> 00:19:39,500 COULD BE DONE IN ONE DAY, 377 00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:42,433 BUT IT WILL PROBABLY TAKE US TWO, 378 00:19:42,433 --> 00:19:44,100 AND WE WILL NEED TO MAKE STOPS 379 00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:46,333 SO I CAN TAKE BREAKS TO STRETCH OUT. 380 00:19:46,333 --> 00:19:50,333 ** 381 00:19:50,333 --> 00:19:53,067 Tim: ALICIA'S HEALTH IS RIDING ON THIS TRIP 382 00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:56,600 AND WHAT THE DOCTOR HAS TO SAY. 383 00:19:56,600 --> 00:20:00,900 I HOPE THE DOCTOR SAYS, "LET'S DO THIS." 384 00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:03,567 I THINK IF HE SAYS HE CAN'T HELP HER 385 00:20:03,567 --> 00:20:06,067 THAT IT WOULD BE DEVASTATING FOR BOTH OF US. 386 00:20:08,167 --> 00:20:10,700 Alicia: HEY, BABE, I'D REALLY LIKE TO STOP SOON, 387 00:20:10,700 --> 00:20:14,600 SO MAYBE, LIKE, THE NEXT PLACE YOU SEE WE COULD STOP 388 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:16,933 AND JUST GET OUT AND STRETCH FOR A MINUTE? 389 00:20:16,933 --> 00:20:19,800 OF COURSE. I THINK THAT'D BE GOOD FOR YOU. 390 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:23,700 Alicia: I DON'T LIKE TO BURDEN TIM WITH MY PAIN, 391 00:20:23,700 --> 00:20:25,500 AND I HAVE A TENDENCY TO INTERNALIZE 392 00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:28,933 AND HOLD IT IN UNTIL I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. 393 00:20:28,933 --> 00:20:31,933 I KNOW HE DOESN'T THINK THIS, BUT NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT 394 00:20:31,933 --> 00:20:33,733 HOW A FAT GIRL IS HURTING. 395 00:20:35,900 --> 00:20:37,733 AND I HAVE CONDITIONED MYSELF TO THINK 396 00:20:37,733 --> 00:20:40,000 AND FEEL THAT WAY FOR SO LONG. 397 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,000 I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE A BURDEN. 398 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,600 ** 399 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,333 -MY FOOT REALLY HURTS. -LOOK. LET ME RUB IT. 400 00:20:48,533 --> 00:20:49,700 Tim: THIS SIDE OVER HERE? 401 00:20:49,700 --> 00:20:52,000 ALL RIGHT THERE? YEAH. IT SURE LOOKS BRUISED. 402 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,067 LET ME SEE THAT. 403 00:20:54,067 --> 00:20:57,533 I'M SO SORRY, BABE. 404 00:20:57,533 --> 00:21:00,533 TIM HAS BEEN VERY SUPPORTIVE FOR A LONG TIME. 405 00:21:02,933 --> 00:21:07,067 BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT THIS IS HARD FOR HIM, TOO. 406 00:21:07,067 --> 00:21:09,300 WE DON'T HAVE THE KIND OF PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP 407 00:21:09,300 --> 00:21:11,133 THAT HE WOULD LIKE 408 00:21:11,133 --> 00:21:14,433 AND ALSO THAT I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE. 409 00:21:14,433 --> 00:21:16,867 I FEEL REALLY BAD ABOUT THAT. 410 00:21:16,867 --> 00:21:19,900 Tim: YOU'RE DOING GOOD. YOU'RE DOING GOOD. 411 00:21:19,900 --> 00:21:23,733 I WANT TO GIVE HIM A LIFE THAT I KNOW HE DESERVES, 412 00:21:23,733 --> 00:21:25,467 THAT WE DESERVE. 413 00:21:25,467 --> 00:21:28,600 ** 414 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:30,733 BUT I'M AFRAID THAT I WON'T BE AROUND LONG ENOUGH 415 00:21:30,733 --> 00:21:32,400 FOR THAT TO HAPPEN. 416 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:38,400 ** 417 00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:40,267 WE MADE IT TO TEXAS. 418 00:21:40,267 --> 00:21:46,833 ** 419 00:21:46,833 --> 00:21:49,400 MY BODY IS HURTING FROM ALL THIS DRIVING. 420 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,767 ** 421 00:21:52,767 --> 00:21:58,500 AND I CAN'T WAIT TO LAY DOWN AND STRETCH OUT. 422 00:21:58,500 --> 00:22:00,833 I AM SO HAPPY TO FINALLY BE AT A HOTEL 423 00:22:00,833 --> 00:22:02,633 AND TO GET OUT OF THIS CAR. 424 00:22:02,633 --> 00:22:05,967 ** 425 00:22:05,967 --> 00:22:08,200 I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING A GOOD NIGHT'S REST 426 00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:11,433 AND GETTING BACK ON THE ROAD TO SEE DR. NOW IN THE MORNING. 427 00:22:11,433 --> 00:22:19,967 ** 428 00:22:19,967 --> 00:22:24,200 TODAY I'M MEETING DR. NOW FOR THE FIRST TIME, 429 00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:26,900 AND AS I GET CLOSER TO HOUSTON, 430 00:22:26,900 --> 00:22:30,500 I'M FEELING REALLY NERVOUS. 431 00:22:30,500 --> 00:22:32,967 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN WE GET THERE, 432 00:22:32,967 --> 00:22:36,333 AND I'M WORRIED THAT MY WEIGHT IS TOO OUT OF CONTROL. 433 00:22:38,333 --> 00:22:42,500 SO I'M SCARED THAT WE MIGHT HAVE COME ALL THIS WAY FOR NOTHING. 434 00:22:42,500 --> 00:22:45,100 ** 435 00:22:45,100 --> 00:22:47,233 TIM HAS TAKEN NEARLY A WEEK OFF OF WORK 436 00:22:47,233 --> 00:22:48,967 TO MAKE THIS TRIP WITH ME. 437 00:22:48,967 --> 00:22:51,967 ** 438 00:22:51,967 --> 00:22:56,567 IT'S SUCH A SACRIFICE, AND I AM SO GRATEFUL. 439 00:22:56,567 --> 00:22:58,733 I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO WITHOUT HIM. 440 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:05,100 I REALLY WANT THIS, AND IF DR. NOW CAN'T HELP ME, 441 00:23:05,100 --> 00:23:07,800 I DON'T KNOW WHAT OPTIONS I HAVE LEFT, 442 00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:10,133 SO I JUST HOPE THAT HE'S WILLING TO GIVE ME A CHANCE 443 00:23:10,133 --> 00:23:12,733 TO PROVE MYSELF TO HIM. 444 00:23:12,733 --> 00:23:14,600 ALICIA KIRGAN. 445 00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:17,367 Alicia: RIGHT NOW, I HAVE THAT SAME ANXIOUS FEELING 446 00:23:17,367 --> 00:23:18,833 THAT I WOULD GET WHEN I WAS A KID 447 00:23:18,833 --> 00:23:22,067 AND MY MOM WOULD TAKE ME TO FAT CLINICS. 448 00:23:22,067 --> 00:23:25,700 THE FIRST THING THEY WOULD ALWAYS DO IS WEIGH ME, 449 00:23:25,700 --> 00:23:29,667 BUT I WOULD WEIGH MORE AND MORE EACH TIME 450 00:23:29,667 --> 00:23:33,300 AND ALWAYS FELT ASHAMED. 451 00:23:33,300 --> 00:23:36,933 AND I REMEMBER THE DISAPPOINTMENT IN MY MOM'S EYES. 452 00:23:36,933 --> 00:23:39,433 I DON'T WANT TO FEEL THAT DISAPPOINTMENT AGAIN. 453 00:23:39,433 --> 00:23:45,500 ** 454 00:23:45,500 --> 00:23:48,333 WOW. 455 00:23:48,333 --> 00:23:51,900 SEEING THAT NUMBER ON THE SCALE, IT'S HARD. 456 00:23:51,900 --> 00:23:54,667 I MEAN, IT'S DEFINITELY NOT A NUMBER THAT I'M PROUD OF, 457 00:23:54,667 --> 00:23:56,133 AND IT'S EMBARRASSING, 458 00:23:56,133 --> 00:23:59,667 AND I FEEL SHAMEFUL TO HAVE LET IT GET THAT BAD. 459 00:23:59,667 --> 00:24:04,200 ** 460 00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:05,133 -HELLO. -HELLO. 461 00:24:05,133 --> 00:24:06,233 HOW ARE YOU? 462 00:24:06,233 --> 00:24:08,067 I'M DOING OKAY. HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING? 463 00:24:08,067 --> 00:24:09,200 -DOING GREAT. -ALL RIGHT. 464 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:10,733 I'M DR. NOWZARADAN. 465 00:24:10,733 --> 00:24:13,067 -IT'S WONDERFUL TO MEET YOU. -NICE TO MEET YOU. 466 00:24:13,067 --> 00:24:14,333 THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND, TIM. 467 00:24:14,333 --> 00:24:15,333 NICE TO MEET YOU, SIR. 468 00:24:15,333 --> 00:24:16,633 -AND YOUR NAME? -TIM. 469 00:24:16,633 --> 00:24:19,400 TIM, TIM, OKAY, NICE TO MEET YOU. 470 00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:23,067 ALL RIGHT. SO YOU ARE 622 POUNDS? 471 00:24:23,067 --> 00:24:25,633 -YES. -AND YOU'RE ONLY 5'3". 472 00:24:25,633 --> 00:24:26,767 YES. 473 00:24:26,767 --> 00:24:29,500 SO, 600 POUNDS ON A PERSON AT YOUR HEIGHT 474 00:24:29,500 --> 00:24:32,933 IS COMPARABLE TO BEING OVER 800 POUNDS 475 00:24:32,933 --> 00:24:35,867 FOR A PERSON OF AVERAGE HEIGHT. 476 00:24:35,867 --> 00:24:37,067 WOW. 477 00:24:37,067 --> 00:24:39,267 SO THAT'S A LOT OF WEIGHT ON YOUR BODY. 478 00:24:39,267 --> 00:24:41,367 -YOU'RE 32? -YES. 479 00:24:41,367 --> 00:24:43,767 OKAY, SO YOU HAVE TO KNOW 480 00:24:43,767 --> 00:24:46,067 THAT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LAST LIKE THIS. 481 00:24:46,067 --> 00:24:47,267 I KNOW. 482 00:24:47,267 --> 00:24:49,600 I DON'T IMAGINE I WOULD BE ABLE TO MAKE IT TO 40. 483 00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:51,800 WELL, I HAVE TO AGREE WITH YOU. 484 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,167 SO WHAT DO YOUR EATING HABITS LOOK LIKE? 485 00:24:54,167 --> 00:24:57,933 I HAVE A TENDENCY TO BINGE ON DINNER 486 00:24:57,933 --> 00:25:00,067 AND THEN PRETTY MUCH SNACK 487 00:25:00,067 --> 00:25:01,467 FOR MOST OF THE NIGHT UNTIL I GO TO BED. 488 00:25:01,467 --> 00:25:03,933 SNACKING ON WHAT? 489 00:25:03,933 --> 00:25:08,767 CHIPS, COOKIES, SWEETS, PRETTY MUCH ALL THE CARBS. 490 00:25:08,767 --> 00:25:10,267 SO WHO BUYS THOSE? 491 00:25:10,267 --> 00:25:11,600 I DO. 492 00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:13,933 SO YOU'RE TELLING ME TIM DOESN'T FEED YOU 493 00:25:13,933 --> 00:25:17,400 AND THAT YOU DON'T NEED AN ENABLER TO GAIN LIKE YOU HAVE? 494 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:20,833 NO. I PREFER TO EAT ALONE WHEN PEOPLE DON'T KNOW. 495 00:25:20,833 --> 00:25:23,833 SO HOW ARE YOU GAINING ALL THIS WEIGHT ON YOUR OWN? 496 00:25:23,833 --> 00:25:26,267 I'LL SNACK WHEN MY BOYFRIEND'S ASLEEP 497 00:25:26,267 --> 00:25:28,433 OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT WHERE I FEEL LIKE 498 00:25:28,433 --> 00:25:30,533 I'M NOT BEING JUDGED OR WATCHED. 499 00:25:30,533 --> 00:25:33,600 OKAY, SO HOW ARE YOU SUPPORTING YOUR EATING HABIT? 500 00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:35,200 MY BOYFRIEND DOES WORK, SO HE'S THE ONE 501 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:36,967 THAT KIND OF PAYS FOR THE GROCERIES, 502 00:25:36,967 --> 00:25:38,500 BUT I GO AND GET THEM. 503 00:25:38,500 --> 00:25:43,900 SO YOU EAT LATE AT NIGHT AND YOU EAT A LOT OF HIGH-CALORIE FOOD? 504 00:25:43,900 --> 00:25:45,067 YES. 505 00:25:45,067 --> 00:25:48,300 OKAY, SO, ALICIA, THIS IS WHAT WE ARE GOING TO DO. 506 00:25:48,300 --> 00:25:49,600 UH-HUH. 507 00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:52,867 I'M GIVING YOU 1,200-CALORIE, HIGH-PROTEIN, LOW-CARB DIET 508 00:25:52,867 --> 00:25:55,933 WITH LIST OF FOOD YOU CAN EAT AND FOOD YOU CAN'T. 509 00:25:55,933 --> 00:25:57,233 OKAY. 510 00:25:57,233 --> 00:25:59,200 NO SWEETS, NO SUGARY DRINKS, 511 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:03,300 AND I WANT YOU TO LOSE 50 POUNDS OVER THE NEXT MONTH, OKAY? 512 00:26:03,300 --> 00:26:04,533 OKAY. 513 00:26:04,533 --> 00:26:06,600 THEN I'LL APPROVE YOU FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY. 514 00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:07,733 OKAY. 515 00:26:07,733 --> 00:26:09,567 BUT EVEN IF YOU GET WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY, 516 00:26:09,567 --> 00:26:11,600 WE STILL HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO. 517 00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:14,600 FOR NOW, I WANT YOU TO SHOW ME THAT YOU'RE WILLING 518 00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:16,833 AND ABLE TO START MAKING THE CHOICES 519 00:26:16,833 --> 00:26:19,433 YOU NEED TO DO THIS, OKAY? 520 00:26:19,433 --> 00:26:21,733 OKAY. 521 00:26:21,733 --> 00:26:25,667 I MAY HAVE A DIFFICULT ISSUE HERE WITH ALICIA. 522 00:26:25,667 --> 00:26:28,067 IT'S NOT LIKELY THAT SHE IS AT THIS WEIGHT 523 00:26:28,067 --> 00:26:30,933 AND THAT THERE IS NO ENABLING GOING ON, 524 00:26:30,933 --> 00:26:35,933 BUT IF THE PEOPLE LIVING WITH SOMEONE WHO IS 600 POUNDS 525 00:26:35,933 --> 00:26:38,867 AREN'T HELPING TO CHANGE THEIR SITUATION, 526 00:26:38,867 --> 00:26:41,367 THEN THEY ARE ENABLING IT. 527 00:26:41,367 --> 00:26:44,767 SO I'M CONCERNED SHE'S HIDING THINGS FROM ME, 528 00:26:44,767 --> 00:26:50,100 AND MAYBE SHE AND HER BOYFRIEND DON'T SEE THE ENABLING DYNAMIC. 529 00:26:50,100 --> 00:26:53,733 BOTH THOSE SCENARIOS ARE AN ISSUE 530 00:26:53,733 --> 00:26:55,967 THAT WOULD MAKE IT MORE DIFFICULT 531 00:26:55,967 --> 00:26:59,100 TO START TO DEAL WITH HER EATING HABITS, 532 00:26:59,100 --> 00:27:01,800 BUT IF SHE SAYS SHE'S THE ONE DOING IT, 533 00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:05,167 THEN SHE'S THE ONE THAT CAN CHANGE IT. 534 00:27:05,167 --> 00:27:07,633 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE ALL THOSE CHANGES? 535 00:27:07,633 --> 00:27:09,300 YES. I HAVE TO. 536 00:27:09,300 --> 00:27:10,400 ALL RIGHT. 537 00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:12,467 ARE YOU MOTIVATED TO DO THIS, ALICIA? 538 00:27:12,467 --> 00:27:13,433 YES. 539 00:27:13,433 --> 00:27:15,233 THEN WHAT'S YOUR MOTIVATION? 540 00:27:15,233 --> 00:27:17,600 MY MOTIVATION IS MY BOYFRIEND, TIM. 541 00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:19,067 OKAY. 542 00:27:19,067 --> 00:27:20,367 I WANT TO BE AN ACTIVE PARTNER FOR HIM, 543 00:27:20,367 --> 00:27:22,967 AND AT MY SIZE NOW, YOU KNOW, I CAN'T BE. 544 00:27:22,967 --> 00:27:24,933 THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD MOTIVATOR, 545 00:27:24,933 --> 00:27:27,900 SO SHOW ME YOU CAN DO THIS, OKAY? 546 00:27:27,900 --> 00:27:29,233 OKAY. 547 00:27:29,233 --> 00:27:31,800 AND THEN WE'LL CONSIDER YOU FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY, 548 00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:36,067 BUT THEN YOU'LL BOTH NEED TO MOVE TO TEXAS FOR A BIT. 549 00:27:36,067 --> 00:27:37,367 -YES. -ALL RIGHT. 550 00:27:37,367 --> 00:27:41,433 I'M GOING TO SEE YOU IN ONE MONTH, 50 POUNDS LIGHTER, OKAY? 551 00:27:41,433 --> 00:27:42,467 OKAY. 552 00:27:42,467 --> 00:27:43,467 ALL RIGHT. I'LL SEE YOU LATER. 553 00:27:43,467 --> 00:27:45,400 -THANK YOU SO MUCH. -OKAY. 554 00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:50,300 ** 555 00:27:50,300 --> 00:27:53,133 THIS IS GOING TO BE HARD. 556 00:27:53,133 --> 00:27:55,567 -WELL, YOU KNEW THAT. -YEAH. 557 00:27:55,567 --> 00:27:57,800 -NOW IT'S REAL. -YEAH. 558 00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:00,767 IT'S THE CHANCE OF YOUR LIFETIME, RIGHT... 559 00:28:00,767 --> 00:28:02,400 -YEAH. -...TO MAKE IT RIGHT? 560 00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:03,633 YEAH. 561 00:28:05,067 --> 00:28:07,567 -I LOVE YOU. -I LOVE YOU. 562 00:28:07,567 --> 00:28:11,200 GOOD JOB. WAY TO BE BRAVE AND STRONG. 563 00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:14,100 A PART OF ME ALWAYS KNEW THAT AT THIS SIZE, 564 00:28:14,100 --> 00:28:17,633 I WOULDN'T MAKE IT TO 40. 565 00:28:17,633 --> 00:28:23,800 BUT WHEN DR. NOW CONFIRMED MY FEAR, IT BECAME REAL. 566 00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:26,933 I HAVE ONE MONTH TO LOSE 50 POUNDS, 567 00:28:26,933 --> 00:28:28,533 AND IT'S GOING TO BE A CHALLENGE, 568 00:28:28,533 --> 00:28:32,067 BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT I HAVE TO MAKE CHANGES 569 00:28:32,067 --> 00:28:35,800 BECAUSE I CAN'T CONTINUE TO LIVE LIKE THIS. 570 00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:41,567 ** 571 00:28:41,567 --> 00:28:45,900 THIS IS GOING TO BE THE HARDEST THING I'VE EVER DONE, 572 00:28:45,900 --> 00:28:49,967 BUT I HAVE TO DO IT BECAUSE MY LIFE IS ON THE LINE. 573 00:28:55,867 --> 00:29:03,600 ** 574 00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:11,300 ** 575 00:29:11,300 --> 00:29:15,067 Alicia: IT'S BEEN A MONTH SINCE I SAW DR. NOW, 576 00:29:15,067 --> 00:29:17,833 AND THIS HAS BEEN THE LONGEST MONTH OF MY LIFE. 577 00:29:17,833 --> 00:29:21,100 ** 578 00:29:21,100 --> 00:29:23,200 MY WHOLE LIFE, I'VE WOKEN UP AND BEEN EXCITED 579 00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:26,467 ABOUT WHAT I COULD EAT FOR BREAKFAST, 580 00:29:26,467 --> 00:29:28,333 BUT THAT EXCITEMENT IS GONE NOW. 581 00:29:28,333 --> 00:29:30,967 ** 582 00:29:30,967 --> 00:29:32,867 FOR BREAKFAST, INSTEAD OF DOUGHNUTS, 583 00:29:32,867 --> 00:29:35,900 I'M HAVING A PROTEIN SHAKE. 584 00:29:35,900 --> 00:29:39,500 THE SHAKES ARE A GOOD WAY TO CONTROL MY CALORIES. 585 00:29:39,500 --> 00:29:40,933 AND I REALLY FIND THAT THE LESS 586 00:29:40,933 --> 00:29:42,333 I HAVE TO KIND OF THINK ABOUT IT, 587 00:29:42,333 --> 00:29:44,400 THE EASIER IT IS TO DO IT 588 00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:49,067 WITHOUT MAKING AN EXCUSE TO CHEAT OR TO GIVE IN, 589 00:29:49,067 --> 00:29:52,400 BECAUSE CRAVINGS COME UP ALL THE TIME, EVERY DAY. 590 00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:55,267 I THINK THIS IS THE LONGEST I'VE EVER GONE, MY ENTIRE LIFE, 591 00:29:55,267 --> 00:29:57,400 WITHOUT HAVING SUGAR FOR BREAKFAST. 592 00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:00,167 ** 593 00:30:00,167 --> 00:30:03,133 I DEFINITELY MISS FOOD. 594 00:30:03,133 --> 00:30:04,633 GET IN YOUR CHAIR. 595 00:30:06,933 --> 00:30:09,700 AND NOT SNACKING HAS BEEN REALLY HARD. 596 00:30:09,700 --> 00:30:11,767 ** 597 00:30:11,767 --> 00:30:15,933 BUT THE HARDEST PART IS GETTING OUT OF YOUR OWN HEAD. 598 00:30:15,933 --> 00:30:19,833 AFTER THE FIRST WEEK, I STARTED HAVING DREAMS OF EATING CARBS. 599 00:30:19,833 --> 00:30:20,933 SOME DAYS I'M LIKE, "GOD, I JUST WISH 600 00:30:20,933 --> 00:30:22,033 I COULD HAVE, LIKE, A CARROT. 601 00:30:22,033 --> 00:30:25,567 LIKE, I JUST WANT SOMETHING TO SNACK ON." 602 00:30:25,567 --> 00:30:28,100 I THOUGHT I KNEW HOW HARD THIS WAS GOING TO BE, 603 00:30:28,100 --> 00:30:30,533 BUT I HAD NO IDEA. 604 00:30:30,533 --> 00:30:33,167 I'M ASHAMED OF HOW MUCH I MISS FOOD, 605 00:30:33,167 --> 00:30:35,833 AND THE SHAME MAKES ME FEEL EVEN WORSE. 606 00:30:35,833 --> 00:30:38,967 ** 607 00:30:38,967 --> 00:30:41,367 AND IT DOESN'T HELP THAT I SPEND ALL DAY BY MYSELF 608 00:30:41,367 --> 00:30:43,067 WHILE TIM IS GONE. 609 00:30:43,067 --> 00:30:51,267 ** 610 00:30:51,267 --> 00:30:55,267 SINCE I SAW DR. NOW, MY DIET IS GOING WELL. 611 00:30:55,267 --> 00:30:58,600 FOR BREAKFAST AND LUNCH, I ONLY HAVE PROTEIN SHAKES. 612 00:31:00,700 --> 00:31:04,633 BUT I TRY TO ALWAYS HAVE A REAL DINNER FOR TIM AND I. 613 00:31:04,633 --> 00:31:09,900 I'M EATING TO JUST LIVE NOW INSTEAD OF EATING FOR FUN. 614 00:31:09,900 --> 00:31:12,367 AND THAT'S DEFINITELY BEEN A CHANGE, BUT I TRY TO FIND THINGS 615 00:31:12,367 --> 00:31:16,533 THAT ARE STILL ENJOYABLE BUT HEALTHY. 616 00:31:16,533 --> 00:31:19,133 HOW LONG WE GOT? 617 00:31:19,133 --> 00:31:20,367 JUST A LITTLE BIT LONGER. 618 00:31:20,367 --> 00:31:22,067 YEAH? 619 00:31:22,067 --> 00:31:24,167 JUST LETTING IT SIMMER TOGETHER. 620 00:31:24,167 --> 00:31:26,467 OKAY. YOU SURE YOU DON'T NEED ANY HELP? 621 00:31:26,467 --> 00:31:28,067 NO. 622 00:31:28,067 --> 00:31:30,900 ** 623 00:31:30,900 --> 00:31:35,467 I'M HOPING THAT IF I LOSE THE 50 POUNDS DR. NOW WANTS, 624 00:31:35,467 --> 00:31:38,667 HE'LL TELL ME TO MOVE TO HOUSTON AND APPROVE ME FOR SURGERY. 625 00:31:38,667 --> 00:31:42,067 ** 626 00:31:42,067 --> 00:31:45,667 TIM WORKS SO MUCH AND GOES TO BED SO EARLY, 627 00:31:45,667 --> 00:31:48,733 DINNER IS ABOUT THE ONLY TIME WE GET TO SPEND TOGETHER. 628 00:31:48,733 --> 00:31:52,400 ** 629 00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:55,167 I WANT US TO ENJOY OUR HOME AS MUCH AS WE CAN 630 00:31:55,167 --> 00:31:57,333 BEFORE WE HAVE TO LEAVE IT BEHIND. 631 00:31:57,333 --> 00:31:59,067 OH! THANK YOU. 632 00:31:59,067 --> 00:32:01,367 YOU'RE WELCOME. 633 00:32:01,367 --> 00:32:04,300 Tim: I WOULD DESCRIBE ALICIA AND I'S RELATIONSHIP, 634 00:32:04,300 --> 00:32:06,800 AT THIS STAGE OF THE GAME, AS STRAINED. 635 00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:09,300 I WAS HOPING THIS WOULD BRING US CLOSER, 636 00:32:09,300 --> 00:32:12,533 BUT RIGHT NOW IT FEELS LIKE WE'RE MORE DRIFTING APART 637 00:32:12,533 --> 00:32:15,700 THAN GETTING CLOSER. 638 00:32:15,700 --> 00:32:18,900 SHE'S DEFINITELY SUBDUED BECAUSE WHAT SHE'S GOING THROUGH. 639 00:32:18,900 --> 00:32:21,800 SHE'S PRETTY QUIET THESE DAYS. 640 00:32:24,100 --> 00:32:26,700 I THINK BEING HUNGRY AND NOT BEING ABLE TO EAT 641 00:32:26,700 --> 00:32:29,433 THE THINGS SHE WANTS HAS BEEN HARD ON HER. 642 00:32:29,433 --> 00:32:32,700 ** 643 00:32:32,700 --> 00:32:36,400 I HATE TO SEE YOU BEING DISTANT FROM ME, 644 00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:39,967 AS I'M NOT USED TO THAT. 645 00:32:39,967 --> 00:32:42,867 I MEAN, IN ALL HONESTY, RIGHT NOW, 646 00:32:42,867 --> 00:32:46,633 I REALLY HAVE TO BE FOCUSED ON MYSELF, 647 00:32:46,633 --> 00:32:48,700 SO I KIND OF HAVE TO PUT A DISTANCE. 648 00:32:48,700 --> 00:32:51,133 WELL, YOU'RE PRETTY STRONG TO PUT ME OUT OF YOUR MIND. 649 00:32:51,133 --> 00:32:54,067 IT'S HARD. IT'S DEFINITELY NOT EASY. 650 00:32:55,533 --> 00:32:58,767 Alicia: WITH TIM AND I, THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF NOT REALLY KNOWING 651 00:32:58,767 --> 00:33:01,867 WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT, 652 00:33:01,867 --> 00:33:03,967 BUT DINNER IS REALLY THE ONE TIME OF DAY 653 00:33:03,967 --> 00:33:08,367 THAT WE GET TO SPEND TOGETHER, AND NOW, BECAUSE OF THIS DIET, 654 00:33:08,367 --> 00:33:10,500 I DON'T ENJOY IT AS MUCH AS I USED TO. 655 00:33:10,500 --> 00:33:19,067 ** 656 00:33:19,067 --> 00:33:21,600 THANK YOU. 657 00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:25,300 IF DR. NOW TAKES ME ON AS A PATIENT, WOULD YOU BE EXCITED? 658 00:33:25,300 --> 00:33:28,533 YEAH, I'M EXCITED TO SEE YOU GET HEALTHY 659 00:33:28,533 --> 00:33:30,367 AND BE ABLE TO DO 660 00:33:30,367 --> 00:33:32,133 ALL THE DIFFERENT THINGS THAT YOU WANT TO DO 661 00:33:32,133 --> 00:33:34,200 AND WHAT WE WANT TO DO TOGETHER. 662 00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:36,100 WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO WITH ME? 663 00:33:36,100 --> 00:33:37,900 I MEAN, BASICALLY, IT JUST COMES DOWN TO, LIKE, 664 00:33:37,900 --> 00:33:39,267 BEING ABLE, LIKE, 665 00:33:39,267 --> 00:33:42,633 TO GO OUT AND FEEL COMFORTABLE BEING AROUND PEOPLE 666 00:33:42,633 --> 00:33:44,533 AND NOT WORRIED ABOUT, LIKE, 667 00:33:44,533 --> 00:33:46,633 WHAT PEOPLE ARE THINKING OR SAYING ABOUT ME 668 00:33:46,633 --> 00:33:49,267 AND JUST FEELING COMFORTABLE, REALLY, IN MY OWN SKIN 669 00:33:49,267 --> 00:33:51,967 AND ALL THE STUFF THAT I LOOK FORWARD TO 670 00:33:51,967 --> 00:33:54,800 ONCE I CAN GET MY WEIGHT DOWN. 671 00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:58,967 WELL, IT'S GOING TO BE EXCITING AND SCARY FOR THE BOTH OF US. 672 00:33:58,967 --> 00:34:01,067 YEAH. 673 00:34:01,067 --> 00:34:05,067 Tim: MY HOPES ARE FOR US TO HAVE A BETTER RELATIONSHIP. 674 00:34:05,067 --> 00:34:07,700 I WANT TO BE ABLE TO SMILE AND LAUGH AND LIVE LIFE 675 00:34:07,700 --> 00:34:10,533 TOGETHER LIKE ALL THE OTHER COUPLES. 676 00:34:10,533 --> 00:34:13,333 ** 677 00:34:13,333 --> 00:34:14,833 Alicia: THERE IS SO MUCH THAT TIM AND I 678 00:34:14,833 --> 00:34:18,467 HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO DO BECAUSE OF MY WEIGHT. 679 00:34:18,467 --> 00:34:21,267 IF I'M GOING TO HAVE A FUTURE WITH TIM, 680 00:34:21,267 --> 00:34:23,200 I HAVE TO SEE THIS THROUGH AND HOPE THAT, 681 00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:26,733 WHEN I SEE DR. NOW NEXT, HE APPROVES ME FOR SURGERY. 682 00:34:26,733 --> 00:34:36,067 ** 683 00:34:36,067 --> 00:34:45,267 ** 684 00:34:45,267 --> 00:34:48,067 TODAY, I AM HEADED TO SEE DR. NOWZARADAN 685 00:34:48,067 --> 00:34:50,500 FOR MY FOLLOW-UP APPOINTMENT 686 00:34:50,500 --> 00:34:55,633 TO SEE HOW I HAVE PROGRESSED WITH MY DIET. 687 00:34:55,633 --> 00:34:59,067 DR. NOW WANTED ME TO LOSE 50 POUNDS IN A MONTH. 688 00:34:59,067 --> 00:35:03,167 ** 689 00:35:03,167 --> 00:35:04,600 I'VE DEFINITELY TRIED MY HARDEST. 690 00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:07,233 IT'S BEEN REALLY FRUSTRATING 691 00:35:07,233 --> 00:35:09,867 BECAUSE IT'S BEEN LIKE PULLING TEETH AND NAILS 692 00:35:09,867 --> 00:35:13,533 TO GET EVERY POUND OFF. 693 00:35:13,533 --> 00:35:15,433 BUT I'VE DONE WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO, 694 00:35:15,433 --> 00:35:18,133 SO IT WOULD BE DEVASTATING IF I MISSED MY GOAL. 695 00:35:18,133 --> 00:35:20,567 ** 696 00:35:20,567 --> 00:35:23,267 -LET ME GET THAT DOOR FOR YOU. -THANKS, BABE. 697 00:35:23,267 --> 00:35:25,833 Woman: ALICIA KIRGAN. 698 00:35:25,833 --> 00:35:30,167 Alicia: I'M WORRIED WHAT NUMBER I'M GOING TO SEE ON THE SCALE. 699 00:35:30,167 --> 00:35:34,567 WHAT IF I DIDN'T LOSE 50 POUNDS, AND HE DOESN'T APPROVE ME TODAY? 700 00:35:36,900 --> 00:35:38,700 WHAT IF HE THINKS I'M NOT SERIOUS 701 00:35:38,700 --> 00:35:40,400 AND DROPS ME AS A PATIENT? 702 00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:43,067 ** 703 00:35:43,067 --> 00:35:44,900 WHAT IF EVERYTHING I'VE SACRIFICED 704 00:35:44,900 --> 00:35:47,967 AND TIM HAS SACRIFICED IS FOR NOTHING? 705 00:35:47,967 --> 00:35:57,067 ** 706 00:35:57,067 --> 00:35:59,300 I'M DISAPPOINTED. 707 00:36:01,067 --> 00:36:06,667 THE GOAL WAS 50, SO TO NOT REACH IT IS A LITTLE DISHEARTENING. 708 00:36:06,667 --> 00:36:09,100 SO I'M JUST REALLY NERVOUS AND ANXIOUS 709 00:36:09,100 --> 00:36:12,567 ABOUT WHAT THE DOCTOR WILL SAY ABOUT MISSING THE GOAL, 710 00:36:12,567 --> 00:36:14,900 BUT I DEFINITELY TRIED MY HARDEST. 711 00:36:14,900 --> 00:36:16,533 ** 712 00:36:16,533 --> 00:36:17,933 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 713 00:36:17,933 --> 00:36:19,833 -HELLO. -HELLO. HOW ARE YOU? 714 00:36:19,833 --> 00:36:21,800 I'M DOING OKAY. HOW ABOUT YOURSELF? 715 00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:23,400 DOING ALL RIGHT. 716 00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:27,100 SO YOU ONLY LOST 18 POUNDS THIS PAST MONTH. 717 00:36:27,100 --> 00:36:28,333 SO WHAT HAPPENED? 718 00:36:28,333 --> 00:36:30,500 I FELT LIKE I DID REALLY WELL THE FIRST WEEK. 719 00:36:30,500 --> 00:36:33,600 BUT I ALSO FELT REALLY DEPRESSED AFTER THE FIRST WEEK. 720 00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:36,800 SO YOU STARTED THE DIET, THEN GOT DEPRESSED, 721 00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:39,133 SO YOU DID WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL HAPPY 722 00:36:39,133 --> 00:36:41,867 AND STARTED OVEREATING AGAIN, HUH? 723 00:36:41,867 --> 00:36:42,833 YEAH. 724 00:36:42,833 --> 00:36:45,067 EVEN THOUGH IT'S KILLING YOU. 725 00:36:45,067 --> 00:36:48,200 I FEEL LIKE MY PORTIONS WERE PROBABLY TOO LARGE. 726 00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:50,167 SO TO TRY TO CUT BACK ON MY PORTIONS, 727 00:36:50,167 --> 00:36:55,067 I STARTED DOING A PROTEIN SHAKE IN THE MORNING AND AFTERNOON 728 00:36:55,067 --> 00:36:59,067 AND THEN JUST HAVING DINNER TO TRY TO HELP REIN IN MY PORTIONS. 729 00:36:59,067 --> 00:37:01,767 OKAY, THAT WASN'T THE DIET. 730 00:37:01,767 --> 00:37:03,067 MNH-MNH. 731 00:37:03,067 --> 00:37:06,067 THAT WAS A DIET YOU INVENTED. 732 00:37:06,067 --> 00:37:10,633 WHY DID YOU COME HERE IF YOU JUST WANT TO TRY YOUR OWN PLAN? 733 00:37:10,633 --> 00:37:12,867 THAT HASN'T WORKED SO FAR. 734 00:37:12,867 --> 00:37:16,067 WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IT'S GOING TO WORK NOW? 735 00:37:16,067 --> 00:37:18,600 SO YOU'RE STILL OVEREATING, 736 00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:22,567 JUST INSTEAD OF 8,000 TO 10,000 CALORIES A DAY, 737 00:37:22,567 --> 00:37:26,133 YOU'RE EATING 6,000 OR 7,000 CALORIES. 738 00:37:26,133 --> 00:37:28,933 YOUR DIET IS 1,200 CALORIES A DAY, 739 00:37:28,933 --> 00:37:32,067 NO EXCEPTIONS, YOU UNDERSTAND? 740 00:37:32,067 --> 00:37:33,667 MM-HMM. 741 00:37:33,667 --> 00:37:37,333 IT'S SOUNDS LIKE ALICIA COULDN'T EVEN GO A WEEK 742 00:37:37,333 --> 00:37:39,067 WITHOUT RUNNING TO FOOD. 743 00:37:39,067 --> 00:37:42,767 SO SHE NEEDS TO TRY AGAIN TO HIT HER GOAL, 744 00:37:42,767 --> 00:37:47,133 AND I WANT HER TO MAINTAIN POSITIVE PROGRESS FOR TWO MONTHS 745 00:37:47,133 --> 00:37:51,833 TO SHOW ME SHE'S WILLING AND ABLE TO CONTROL HERSELF. 746 00:37:51,833 --> 00:37:54,900 OKAY, ALICIA, YOU DIDN'T HIT YOUR WEIGHT-LOSS GOAL, 747 00:37:54,900 --> 00:37:56,233 SO YOU'RE NOT APPROVED 748 00:37:56,233 --> 00:37:58,467 FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY AT THIS POINT, 749 00:37:58,467 --> 00:38:00,667 BUT THIS IS WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO. 750 00:38:00,667 --> 00:38:04,733 I WANT YOU TO LOSE 70 POUNDS OVER THE NEXT 2 MONTHS. 751 00:38:04,733 --> 00:38:05,767 OKAY. 752 00:38:05,767 --> 00:38:08,733 NO MORE INVENTING NEW DIETS, OKAY? 753 00:38:08,733 --> 00:38:09,833 OKAY. 754 00:38:09,833 --> 00:38:12,867 THEN I WANT YOU TO MOVE TO HOUSTON, OKAY? 755 00:38:12,867 --> 00:38:14,067 THANK YOU. 756 00:38:14,067 --> 00:38:16,367 AND, TIM, HAVEN'T YOU HEARD IT SAID 757 00:38:16,367 --> 00:38:18,967 THAT IF YOU'RE NOT PART OF SOLUTION, 758 00:38:18,967 --> 00:38:21,500 THEN YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM? 759 00:38:21,500 --> 00:38:25,133 SO LET'S DO BETTER AT THAT, OKAY? 760 00:38:25,133 --> 00:38:27,667 YOUR ULTIMATE GOAL AT YOUR HEIGHT 761 00:38:27,667 --> 00:38:32,633 WOULD BE 120 TO 130 POUNDS. 762 00:38:32,633 --> 00:38:35,267 SO WE'VE GOT A LONG WAY TO GO. 763 00:38:35,267 --> 00:38:36,500 YES. 764 00:38:36,500 --> 00:38:38,367 I'LL LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOU IN HOUSTON. 765 00:38:38,367 --> 00:38:40,200 ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU SO MUCH. 766 00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:43,533 ** 767 00:38:43,533 --> 00:38:46,067 HOUSTON-BOUND. 768 00:38:46,067 --> 00:38:47,767 YEAH, LOOKS LIKE. 769 00:38:47,767 --> 00:38:50,933 ** 770 00:38:50,933 --> 00:38:52,867 TO HEAR DR. NOW TELL ME THAT HE'S READY FOR ME 771 00:38:52,867 --> 00:38:54,067 TO MOVE TO HOUSTON 772 00:38:54,067 --> 00:38:57,733 AND TO CONTINUE WITH THE PROGRAM IS EXCITING, 773 00:38:57,733 --> 00:39:01,500 AND IT DOES FEEL LIKE YOU'VE ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING. 774 00:39:01,500 --> 00:39:04,667 BUT HE DID SAY TO LOSE ANOTHER 70 POUNDS, 775 00:39:04,667 --> 00:39:08,167 AND I'M A LITTLE AFRAID I WON'T BE ABLE TO DO THAT. 776 00:39:08,167 --> 00:39:11,233 AND THE THOUGHT OF MOVING AWAY FROM MY FAMILY AND HOME 777 00:39:11,233 --> 00:39:12,967 IS REALLY SCARY, 778 00:39:12,967 --> 00:39:16,067 BUT IT'S EXCITING TO START THIS NEW CHAPTER IN MY LIFE. 779 00:39:16,067 --> 00:39:21,833 ** 780 00:39:21,833 --> 00:39:23,867 I BELIEVE THIS IS THE BEST THING FOR ME, 781 00:39:23,867 --> 00:39:28,433 AND I THINK THAT, IN THE END, IT'S ALL GOING TO BE WORTH IT. 782 00:39:28,433 --> 00:39:32,633 AND I JUST HOPE IT'LL BE WORTH IT FOR TIM, TOO 783 00:39:32,633 --> 00:39:36,633 BECAUSE I'M ASKING HIM TO CHANGE HIS ENTIRE LIFE FOR ME. 784 00:39:42,067 --> 00:39:47,267 ** 785 00:39:47,267 --> 00:39:52,467 ** 786 00:39:52,467 --> 00:39:53,800 Alicia: IT'S BEEN A COUPLE WEEKS 787 00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:56,067 SINCE MY LAST APPOINTMENT WITH DR. NOW, 788 00:39:56,067 --> 00:39:59,500 AND TIM AND I ARE PACKING UP TO MAKE THE BIG MOVE TO HOUSTON. 789 00:40:01,567 --> 00:40:05,067 TIM DROPPED OFF OUR DOG WITH MY PARENTS THIS MORNING, 790 00:40:05,067 --> 00:40:09,267 AND THE REALITY OF OUR MOVE FINALLY SUNK IN. 791 00:40:09,267 --> 00:40:11,600 THIS IS DEFINITELY A HUGE DEAL FOR ME. 792 00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:14,233 I HAVE NEVER BEEN ANY KIND OF REAL DISTANCE 793 00:40:14,233 --> 00:40:16,333 AWAY FROM MY FAMILY. 794 00:40:16,333 --> 00:40:19,067 NOT HAVING MY FAMILY AND MY SUPPORT IS SCARY 795 00:40:19,067 --> 00:40:21,367 WHEN YOU'VE ALREADY GIVEN UP THE SUPPORT 796 00:40:21,367 --> 00:40:24,100 AND COMFORT OF THE FOOD YOU USED TO GO TO. 797 00:40:24,100 --> 00:40:28,300 SO IT KIND OF FEELS LIKE I'M, LIKE, LOSING ALL MY COMFORT. 798 00:40:28,300 --> 00:40:32,267 SO THAT'S KIND OF HARD AND KIND OF SCARY, 799 00:40:32,267 --> 00:40:34,500 BUT I JUST KNOW THAT, IN THE END, 800 00:40:34,500 --> 00:40:36,133 IT'S GOING TO BE WORTH IT. 801 00:40:36,133 --> 00:40:38,167 I KNOW IT'S WHAT I HAVE TO DO RIGHT NOW. 802 00:40:38,167 --> 00:40:41,200 ** 803 00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:42,933 BUT TO MAKE THIS ALL EVEN WORSE, 804 00:40:42,933 --> 00:40:45,467 TIM AND I HAVE TO DRIVE SEPARATELY. 805 00:40:45,467 --> 00:40:49,200 BECAUSE TIM WILL HAVE TO WORK IN HOUSTON, HE'LL NEED HIS OWN CAR. 806 00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:54,600 OKAY, I'M ALL SET. 807 00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:56,633 -OKAY. -BE CAREFUL. 808 00:40:56,633 --> 00:40:58,133 OKAY, LOVE YOU. 809 00:40:58,133 --> 00:40:59,467 OH. 810 00:40:59,467 --> 00:41:00,533 THANK YOU SO MUCH. 811 00:41:00,533 --> 00:41:02,700 OH, MAN, YOU ARE 1,000 DEGREES. 812 00:41:02,700 --> 00:41:04,300 I KNOW. I'M SO HOT. 813 00:41:04,300 --> 00:41:06,867 THANK YOU. 814 00:41:06,867 --> 00:41:08,767 ALL RIGHT, BABE. ALL RIGHT. 815 00:41:08,767 --> 00:41:12,367 Tim: I DON'T BELIEVE THAT ALICIA HAS EVER DRIVEN THIS FAR. 816 00:41:12,367 --> 00:41:15,633 I'M HOPING THE DRIVE GOES WELL. 817 00:41:15,633 --> 00:41:18,200 I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT WHAT IF IT DOESN'T 818 00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:20,700 'CAUSE I JUST WANT TO BE POSITIVE ABOUT IT. 819 00:41:20,700 --> 00:41:24,433 ** 820 00:41:24,433 --> 00:41:30,467 Alicia: I'M WORRIED BECAUSE THIS IS GOING TO BE SO HARD ON ME. 821 00:41:30,467 --> 00:41:33,800 IT'S GOING TO BE TWO DAYS OF DRIVING, 822 00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:38,800 AND I'M NOT QUITE SURE HOW MY BODY IS GOING TO TAKE IT. 823 00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:43,133 ALL 13 TO 14 HOURS, AND I JUST HOPE I CAN DO IT. 824 00:41:43,133 --> 00:41:49,667 ** 825 00:41:49,667 --> 00:41:56,200 ** 826 00:41:56,200 --> 00:42:01,067 BUT I'M REALLY SCARED TO BE DRIVING THIS TIME. 827 00:42:01,067 --> 00:42:02,733 I JUST HOPE I MAKE IT. 828 00:42:02,733 --> 00:42:12,433 ** 829 00:42:12,433 --> 00:42:14,467 THIS TRIP HAS BEEN REALLY LONG, 830 00:42:14,467 --> 00:42:16,933 BUT I'VE HAD NO MAJOR INCIDENTS SO FAR. 831 00:42:16,933 --> 00:42:20,333 ** 832 00:42:20,333 --> 00:42:21,867 WE'RE ALMOST TO HOUSTON, 833 00:42:21,867 --> 00:42:24,500 AND I CAN'T WAIT TO GET OUT OF THIS CAR 834 00:42:24,500 --> 00:42:26,767 AND TO BE DONE WITH ALL THIS DRIVING. 835 00:42:26,767 --> 00:42:29,567 ** 836 00:42:29,567 --> 00:42:31,800 I'M ALSO STARVING BECAUSE I'VE SKIPPED 837 00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:33,767 ALL THE JUNK FOOD ON THE ROAD, 838 00:42:33,767 --> 00:42:37,467 SO I'M READY TO GET TO THE HOUSE WE'RE RENTING IN HOUSTON. 839 00:42:37,467 --> 00:42:39,600 IT'S FULLY FURNISHED, SO ALL WE HAVE TO DO 840 00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:41,467 IS TAKE IN OUR STUFF WE HAVE. 841 00:42:43,533 --> 00:42:47,433 SO I JUST WANT TO GET THERE, REST, AND EAT FINALLY. 842 00:42:47,433 --> 00:42:50,233 ** 843 00:42:50,233 --> 00:42:51,800 IT'S EXCITING, BUT THERE'S FEAR 844 00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:53,833 THAT COMES ALONG WITH ANY UNKNOWNS. 845 00:42:53,833 --> 00:42:56,833 IT'S ALSO A LITTLE SURREAL THAT WE'RE ACTUALLY ALMOST THERE 846 00:42:56,833 --> 00:43:00,067 AND THAT THIS IS ACTUALLY ALL HAPPENING. 847 00:43:00,067 --> 00:43:03,167 ** 848 00:43:03,167 --> 00:43:05,133 IT MAKES ME A LITTLE SCARED. 849 00:43:05,133 --> 00:43:14,200 ** 850 00:43:17,433 --> 00:43:18,567 WE'RE HERE. 851 00:43:18,567 --> 00:43:20,200 WHEW. WE MADE IT. 852 00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:23,267 -I'M GONNA GET THIS UNLOCKED. -OKAY. 853 00:43:23,267 --> 00:43:27,867 ** 854 00:43:27,867 --> 00:43:30,133 YOU KNOW, IT'S A BIG RELIEF TO JUST FINALLY BE HERE 855 00:43:30,133 --> 00:43:35,733 AND BE ABLE TO KIND OF SETTLE IN AND GET SOMETHING TO EAT. 856 00:43:35,733 --> 00:43:37,900 I AM EXHAUSTED. 857 00:43:37,900 --> 00:43:40,233 IT WAS A VERY LONG DRIVE. 858 00:43:41,700 --> 00:43:43,600 BUT I'M REALLY EXCITED TO DO 859 00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:45,900 WHATEVER DR. NOWZARADAN NEEDS ME TO DO. 860 00:43:45,900 --> 00:43:49,300 ** 861 00:43:49,300 --> 00:43:53,400 BUT WHAT IF I FAIL, AND WHAT IF I CAN'T DO THIS? 862 00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:57,133 WHAT IF WE'VE DONE ALL OF THIS FOR NOTHING? 863 00:43:57,133 --> 00:43:59,633 SO I HAVE TO KEEP LEAPING INTO THE UNKNOWN 864 00:43:59,633 --> 00:44:02,267 IF I WANT TO DO THIS AND SAVE MY LIFE. 865 00:44:02,267 --> 00:44:10,567 ** 866 00:44:10,567 --> 00:44:18,900 ** 867 00:44:18,900 --> 00:44:21,600 TIM AND I HAVE BEEN HERE IN HOUSTON FOR A MONTH, 868 00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:24,200 AND WE'RE SETTLING IN. 869 00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:25,967 I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF MY STUFF HERE, 870 00:44:25,967 --> 00:44:28,267 SO IT'S EASY TO KEEP THE PLACE CLEAN. 871 00:44:28,267 --> 00:44:32,067 ** 872 00:44:32,067 --> 00:44:35,067 AND IT'S BEEN GOOD NOT HAVING MY USUAL ROUTINE OF PLACES 873 00:44:35,067 --> 00:44:37,300 THAT REALLY TRIGGERED MY HUNGER, 874 00:44:37,300 --> 00:44:40,767 SO THERE'S A LOT LESS TEMPTATION HERE, 875 00:44:40,767 --> 00:44:43,533 BUT I STILL WORRY THAT I'M NOT GOING TO MEET THE GOAL 876 00:44:43,533 --> 00:44:46,467 DR. NOW SET AT MY LAST VISIT. 877 00:44:46,467 --> 00:44:48,167 THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM, 878 00:44:48,167 --> 00:44:50,800 HE GAVE ME THE GOAL OF LOSING 70 POUNDS 879 00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:52,567 BY THE NEXT APPOINTMENT. 880 00:44:52,567 --> 00:44:56,767 I KNOW DR. NOW WANTS ME TO EAT THREE TIMES A DAY, 881 00:44:56,767 --> 00:44:59,233 BUT I USUALLY SKIP BREAKFAST. 882 00:44:59,233 --> 00:45:01,767 I WOULD PREFER A LARGER MEAL AT DINNER 883 00:45:01,767 --> 00:45:03,767 BECAUSE IF I FEEL FULLER AT NIGHT, 884 00:45:03,767 --> 00:45:08,067 THEN IT HELPS ME TO NOT FEEL THE NEED TO SNACK. 885 00:45:08,067 --> 00:45:10,667 I FEEL PRESSURE TO PROVE TO DR. NOW 886 00:45:10,667 --> 00:45:14,367 THAT I'M WORTH HIS EFFORT AND I'M WORTH HIS EXPERTISE. 887 00:45:14,367 --> 00:45:16,433 I DEFINITELY WANT HIM TO APPROVE ME 888 00:45:16,433 --> 00:45:18,600 AND TO GET THE SURGERY AS SOON AS I CAN 889 00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:20,733 SO THAT I CAN START EXPERIENCING LIFE 890 00:45:20,733 --> 00:45:22,600 AND START REALLY DOING THINGS. 891 00:45:22,600 --> 00:45:24,533 SO I HAVE TO DO IT. 892 00:45:24,533 --> 00:45:29,133 ** 893 00:45:29,133 --> 00:45:30,667 YOU WANT TO SIT BY ME? 894 00:45:30,667 --> 00:45:33,233 -YEAH, I GUESS. -[ LAUGHS ] 895 00:45:34,867 --> 00:45:37,200 -WANT A BITE? -NO. 896 00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:40,767 JUST HAMBURGER AND SALAD? 897 00:45:40,767 --> 00:45:42,733 DO YOU FEEL THAT'S THE CORRECT PORTIONS STILL? 898 00:45:42,733 --> 00:45:47,200 BECAUSE I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH YOUR PORTIONS. 899 00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:48,400 I MEAN, I FEEL LIKE IT'S OKAY. 900 00:45:48,400 --> 00:45:51,900 I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE PATTIES. 901 00:45:51,900 --> 00:45:56,633 LIKE, I DON'T KNOW IF I REALLY NEED TWO BURGERS. 902 00:45:56,633 --> 00:45:59,800 I GET FRUSTRATED BECAUSE NOT ONLY CAN I NOT HAVE 903 00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:01,833 THE TYPE OF FOOD I WANT TO EAT, 904 00:46:01,833 --> 00:46:04,533 BUT I CAN'T HAVE AS MUCH OF IT AS I WANT, EITHER. 905 00:46:04,533 --> 00:46:06,233 IS THAT 400 CALORIES? 906 00:46:06,233 --> 00:46:09,067 ** 907 00:46:09,067 --> 00:46:11,267 Tim: ALICIA GETS REALLY UPSET WHEN I TRY TO TALK TO HER 908 00:46:11,267 --> 00:46:12,933 ABOUT THESE THINGS, 909 00:46:12,933 --> 00:46:14,167 BUT I'M GOING TO TELL HER 910 00:46:14,167 --> 00:46:16,433 IF I THINK THAT SHE'S NOT DOING THE RIGHT THINGS 911 00:46:16,433 --> 00:46:18,733 EVEN IF IT DOES HURT HER FEELINGS. 912 00:46:18,733 --> 00:46:24,067 PORTION CONTROL IS YOUR BIGGEST CHALLENGE, I THINK. 913 00:46:24,067 --> 00:46:27,967 DON'T THINK BAD ABOUT ME IF I BRING THAT UP. 914 00:46:27,967 --> 00:46:29,700 BECAUSE YOU'RE SO SENSITIVE ABOUT THINGS, 915 00:46:29,700 --> 00:46:31,967 IT'S SO HARD FOR ME TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT ANYTHING. 916 00:46:31,967 --> 00:46:34,067 IT REALLY IS. 917 00:46:34,067 --> 00:46:36,900 Alicia: I FELL PRESSURE TO NOT DISAPPOINT ANYONE, 918 00:46:36,900 --> 00:46:40,233 BUT I DEFINITELY FEEL PRESSURE NOT TO DISAPPOINT TIM. 919 00:46:40,233 --> 00:46:42,833 HE DID UPROOT HIS LIFE TO BE HERE WITH ME, 920 00:46:42,833 --> 00:46:44,633 SO I DON'T WANT TO LET HIM DOWN, 921 00:46:44,633 --> 00:46:49,133 AND I DON'T WANT HIM TO FEEL LIKE THIS WAS FOR NOTHING 922 00:46:49,133 --> 00:46:50,933 BECAUSE IF NOTHING COMES OF THIS, 923 00:46:50,933 --> 00:46:54,167 I'M REALLY AFRAID OF WHAT THAT MEANS FOR OUR FUTURE. 924 00:47:00,533 --> 00:47:05,900 ** 925 00:47:05,900 --> 00:47:11,233 ** 926 00:47:11,233 --> 00:47:14,667 Alicia: SINCE MOVING TO HOUSTON, IT HASN'T ALL BEEN EASY, 927 00:47:14,667 --> 00:47:17,400 BUT I THINK GOOD THINGS ARE HAPPENING. 928 00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:19,100 BEING AWAY FROM HOME, 929 00:47:19,100 --> 00:47:22,067 I'M DEFINITELY STARTING TO FEEL AN IMPROVEMENT, 930 00:47:22,067 --> 00:47:25,367 BUT IT DEFINITELY IS STILL A STRUGGLE. 931 00:47:25,367 --> 00:47:29,667 THE BIGGEST STRUGGLE RIGHT NOW IS THE LONELINESS HERE. 932 00:47:29,667 --> 00:47:32,600 TIM GOT A JOB DOING CONSTRUCTION LIKE HE WAS BACK HOME, 933 00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:36,933 SO HE'S GONE ALMOST ALL DAY, AND I'M HERE ALONE. 934 00:47:36,933 --> 00:47:40,367 AND IT'S HARD WITH NO ONE ELSE I KNOW TO COME SEE ME. 935 00:47:40,367 --> 00:47:43,800 AND WHEN I FEEL LIKE TIM'S UPSET WITH ME OR I LET HIM DOWN, 936 00:47:43,800 --> 00:47:46,867 I HAVE NO ONE TO SHARE THAT EMOTION WITH 937 00:47:46,867 --> 00:47:48,767 EXCEPT MAYBE MY MOM. 938 00:47:48,767 --> 00:47:51,133 [ Ringing ] 939 00:47:51,133 --> 00:47:52,167 JoAnn: HELLO? 940 00:47:52,167 --> 00:47:53,633 OH, HEY, MOM! 941 00:47:53,633 --> 00:47:55,867 -HI! -HOW'S IT GOING? 942 00:47:55,867 --> 00:47:57,100 OKAY. 943 00:47:57,100 --> 00:47:58,500 HOW ARE YOU DOING? 944 00:47:58,500 --> 00:47:59,367 GOOD. 945 00:48:02,133 --> 00:48:06,700 OH, I'M JUST TRYING TO GET THIS WEIGHT OFF. 946 00:48:06,700 --> 00:48:08,333 YOU KNOW, IT'S TOUGH. 947 00:48:09,300 --> 00:48:10,667 I FEEL LIKE THE WEIGHT'S NOT COMING OFF 948 00:48:10,667 --> 00:48:12,533 LIKE IT DID THE FIRST MONTH, 949 00:48:12,533 --> 00:48:15,400 AND THAT'S FRUSTRATING, ESPECIALLY SINCE I FEEL LIKE 950 00:48:15,400 --> 00:48:19,867 I DO A LOT MORE ACTIVITY NOW THAN I DID THE FIRST MONTH. 951 00:48:19,867 --> 00:48:22,667 WELL, I'M WORRIED THAT HE WANTED YOU TO LOSE MORE WEIGHT, 952 00:48:22,667 --> 00:48:26,900 AND I'M WORRIED THAT HE'LL POSTPONE THE SURGERY. 953 00:48:26,900 --> 00:48:28,833 -YEAH. -I DON'T WANT YOU TO GIVE UP. 954 00:48:28,833 --> 00:48:30,967 -YEAH. -I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. 955 00:48:30,967 --> 00:48:32,933 YOU AND ME BOTH. 956 00:48:32,933 --> 00:48:35,600 WELL, IT WAS GOOD TALKING TO YOU, MOM. 957 00:48:35,600 --> 00:48:38,167 I LOVE YOU, AND I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER. 958 00:48:38,167 --> 00:48:39,400 LOVE YOU, TOO, BABY. 959 00:48:39,400 --> 00:48:40,567 MWAH! 960 00:48:40,567 --> 00:48:43,367 ** 961 00:48:43,367 --> 00:48:47,167 SOMETIMES TALKING TO MY MOM IS A MIXED BLESSING. 962 00:48:47,167 --> 00:48:49,367 I KNOW SHE'S TRYING TO ENCOURAGE ME, 963 00:48:49,367 --> 00:48:52,967 BUT I DON'T KNOW IF SHE REALIZES HOW SHE MAKES ME FEEL. 964 00:48:52,967 --> 00:48:55,600 MY MOM HAS NEVER SAID, "YOU HAVE TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT 965 00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:57,867 OR I WON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE," 966 00:48:57,867 --> 00:49:01,067 BUT SOMETIMES I THINK THAT'S HOW SHE FEELS. 967 00:49:01,067 --> 00:49:03,933 I CAN'T LET MY MOM GET ME DOWN, THOUGH, 968 00:49:03,933 --> 00:49:06,400 BECAUSE I DO WANT TO FINISH THIS JOURNEY 969 00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:08,767 AND PROVE TO MY MOM THAT ALL THIS WORK, 970 00:49:08,767 --> 00:49:12,100 EFFORT, AND TIME AWAY FROM HER WAS WORTH IT. 971 00:49:12,100 --> 00:49:20,433 ** 972 00:49:20,433 --> 00:49:23,367 I AM ON MY WAY TO SEE DR. NOWZARADAN 973 00:49:23,367 --> 00:49:26,500 FOR MY FOLLOW-UP APPOINTMENT. 974 00:49:26,500 --> 00:49:31,367 AT MY LAST APPOINTMENT, I LOST 18 POUNDS. 975 00:49:31,367 --> 00:49:34,467 DR. NOW SAID I NEEDED TO LOSE 70 POUNDS 976 00:49:34,467 --> 00:49:40,567 OVER THESE PAST 2 MONTHS TO GET DOWN TO 534 TODAY. 977 00:49:40,567 --> 00:49:43,433 ALL I WANT IS TO HEAR DR. NOW SAY, 978 00:49:43,433 --> 00:49:46,133 "YOU'RE APPROVED, AND HERE'S YOUR SURGERY DATE." 979 00:49:46,133 --> 00:49:49,067 ** 980 00:49:49,067 --> 00:49:50,767 I JUST WANT TO KNOW THAT THERE IS AN END 981 00:49:50,767 --> 00:49:55,233 TO THIS JOURNEY FOR TIM AND ME. 982 00:49:55,233 --> 00:50:00,367 IT HAS BEEN STRESSFUL ON TIM AND ME TO BE SO FAR FROM HOME, 983 00:50:00,367 --> 00:50:03,500 SO KNOWING THAT THERE'S A DEFINITE PATH FORWARD 984 00:50:03,500 --> 00:50:06,267 WILL MAKE THINGS SO MUCH EASIER. 985 00:50:06,267 --> 00:50:07,967 ALICIA KIRGAN. 986 00:50:09,500 --> 00:50:10,967 GO AHEAD. 987 00:50:10,967 --> 00:50:13,833 Alicia: I HATE GETTING ON A SCALE IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE. 988 00:50:13,833 --> 00:50:16,733 ** 989 00:50:16,733 --> 00:50:19,133 IT WAS HORRIBLE WHEN I WOULD GET WEIGHED AT FAT GROUPS 990 00:50:19,133 --> 00:50:22,533 WHEN I WAS A KID, AND IT'S HORRIBLE NOW. 991 00:50:22,533 --> 00:50:31,067 ** 992 00:50:31,067 --> 00:50:34,233 THAT IS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE GOAL. 993 00:50:34,233 --> 00:50:37,800 I FEEL LIKE I'VE LET MYSELF DOWN, 994 00:50:37,800 --> 00:50:41,200 AND, WORSE, I FEEL LIKE I'VE LET TIM DOWN. 995 00:50:41,200 --> 00:50:45,000 ** 996 00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:47,667 IT FEELS FRUSTRATING TO NOT REACH THE GOAL 997 00:50:47,667 --> 00:50:50,700 AND DEFINITELY TO NOT REACH IT BY SO MUCH. 998 00:50:50,700 --> 00:50:58,767 ** 999 00:50:58,767 --> 00:51:00,300 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] COME IN. 1000 00:51:02,467 --> 00:51:03,967 -HELLO. -HELLO. 1001 00:51:03,967 --> 00:51:05,900 -HOW YOU ALL DOING? -GOOD. HOW ARE YOU? 1002 00:51:05,900 --> 00:51:08,800 ALL RIGHT. SO YOU'VE HAD TWO MONTHS THIS TIME, 1003 00:51:08,800 --> 00:51:10,700 AND YOU DID WORSE. 1004 00:51:10,700 --> 00:51:13,467 YOU ONLY LOST 14 POUNDS. 1005 00:51:13,467 --> 00:51:17,200 WITH THE MOVE, I THINK I GAVE MYSELF KIND OF SOME EXCUSES 1006 00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:21,100 THAT THE PACKING AND THE MOVING WAS ENOUGH EXERCISE. 1007 00:51:21,100 --> 00:51:24,933 WELL, HAVING THINGS GOING ON IS CALLED LIFE. 1008 00:51:24,933 --> 00:51:27,667 THERE IS ALWAYS GOING TO BE STRESS 1009 00:51:27,667 --> 00:51:29,300 AND A LOT OF THINGS GOING ON, 1010 00:51:29,300 --> 00:51:32,600 AND IF YOU'RE WAITING FOR ALL THAT TO GO AWAY, 1011 00:51:32,600 --> 00:51:35,733 THEN YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO MAKE ANY PROGRESS. 1012 00:51:35,733 --> 00:51:38,467 SO LET'S TALK ABOUT COUPLE THINGS. 1013 00:51:38,467 --> 00:51:41,800 FIRST, WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE 1014 00:51:41,800 --> 00:51:43,433 YOU HAVE WITH THIS DIET? 1015 00:51:43,433 --> 00:51:46,467 THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE FOR ME IS MY PORTION CONTROL. 1016 00:51:46,467 --> 00:51:48,600 I THINK THAT I STILL SOMETIMES IN MY MIND 1017 00:51:48,600 --> 00:51:51,567 FEEL LIKE I NEED MORE THAN I DO. 1018 00:51:51,567 --> 00:51:53,500 LIKE, MY MIND IS STILL TELLING ME, LIKE, 1019 00:51:53,500 --> 00:51:54,900 "THAT'S NOT ENOUGH FOOD." 1020 00:51:54,900 --> 00:51:58,067 YOU TELL YOURSELF THAT, "THIS IS ALL I'M GONNA GET." 1021 00:51:58,067 --> 00:51:59,733 YEAH, LIKE IT'S A LAST MEAL. I'M LIKE, "OH, THAT'S NOT --" 1022 00:51:59,733 --> 00:52:02,500 SHE DOESN'T SNACK AT ALL, SO SHE FEELS, 1023 00:52:02,500 --> 00:52:03,800 "THIS IS ALL I'M GOING TO GET," 1024 00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:07,067 SO SHE MAKES THE PORTION THEN BIGGER FOR THE DINNER. 1025 00:52:07,067 --> 00:52:08,767 NO, THAT'S WRONG, TIM. 1026 00:52:08,767 --> 00:52:11,867 IF YOU ACTUALLY THINK SHE'S NOT SNACKING, 1027 00:52:11,867 --> 00:52:13,733 THEN SHE'S HIDING IT FROM YOU. 1028 00:52:13,733 --> 00:52:18,133 SHE'S STILL AT LEAST TAKING IN 6,000 TO 8,000 CALORIES, 1029 00:52:18,133 --> 00:52:19,667 MAYBE MORE. 1030 00:52:19,667 --> 00:52:22,533 SO YOU BOTH ARE PLAYING A GAME HERE. 1031 00:52:22,533 --> 00:52:26,500 YOU CAN'T SERIOUSLY THINK YOU'RE NOT EATING ENOUGH, ALICIA. 1032 00:52:26,500 --> 00:52:29,667 SO YOU BOTH ARE MAKING EXCUSES FOR THIS. 1033 00:52:29,667 --> 00:52:30,967 OKAY. 1034 00:52:30,967 --> 00:52:33,533 BUT IF YOU THINK YOU'RE NOT USING PROPER JUDGMENT EATING, 1035 00:52:33,533 --> 00:52:35,600 THEN LET'S EDUCATE YOU. 1036 00:52:35,600 --> 00:52:38,100 I'M GOING TO SEND A DIETITIAN TO YOUR HOME 1037 00:52:38,100 --> 00:52:41,400 AND GET YOU SOME GUIDANCE IN THE CHOICES YOU'RE MAKING. 1038 00:52:41,400 --> 00:52:42,667 YEAH, I THINK THAT WOULD HELP. 1039 00:52:42,667 --> 00:52:44,467 I WANT YOU TO HIT YOUR GOAL 1040 00:52:44,467 --> 00:52:47,833 OF LOSING 45 POUNDS OVER THE NEXT MONTH. 1041 00:52:47,833 --> 00:52:50,667 IF YOU WANT TO GET APPROVED FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY, 1042 00:52:50,667 --> 00:52:52,567 THIS IS YOUR CHANCE, ALICIA. 1043 00:52:52,567 --> 00:52:54,067 -THANK YOU. -ANY QUESTIONS? 1044 00:52:54,067 --> 00:52:55,333 NO, I DON'T THINK SO. 1045 00:52:55,333 --> 00:52:57,133 OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU IN A MONTH. 1046 00:52:57,133 --> 00:52:58,533 ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU SO MUCH. 1047 00:52:58,533 --> 00:53:00,933 ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE WELCOME. 1048 00:53:00,933 --> 00:53:03,800 Dr. Nowzaradan: THE BIG PROBLEM IS THAT ALICIA 1049 00:53:03,800 --> 00:53:08,800 IS STILL USING FOOD TO DEAL WITH STRESS AND FOR COMFORT 1050 00:53:08,800 --> 00:53:11,067 AND IS SHOWING NO WILLINGNESS 1051 00:53:11,067 --> 00:53:14,500 TO GIVE THAT UP OR CHANGE THAT DYNAMIC. 1052 00:53:14,500 --> 00:53:17,300 AND IF SHE DOESN'T START TO CHANGE THAT 1053 00:53:17,300 --> 00:53:19,667 OVER THIS NEXT MONTH, 1054 00:53:19,667 --> 00:53:24,400 THEN THERE MAY NOT BE MUCH MORE WE CAN DO FOR HER. 1055 00:53:24,400 --> 00:53:27,967 SO IT'S ALL COMPLETELY IN HER HANDS RIGHT NOW. 1056 00:53:27,967 --> 00:53:33,367 ** 1057 00:53:33,367 --> 00:53:37,300 Alicia: AT THIS TIME, I AM NOT APPROVED FOR SURGERY. 1058 00:53:37,300 --> 00:53:39,067 I'M SO SCARED OF WHAT WILL HAPPEN 1059 00:53:39,067 --> 00:53:41,500 IF I DON'T REACH THE GOAL. 1060 00:53:41,500 --> 00:53:44,633 HOW MANY CHANCES WILL DR. NOW GIVE ME? 1061 00:53:44,633 --> 00:53:46,967 HOW MANY CHANCES WILL TIM GIVE ME? 1062 00:53:46,967 --> 00:53:52,200 ** 1063 00:53:52,200 --> 00:53:56,700 AND IF I CAN'T LOSE THE WEIGHT, HOW MUCH TIME DO I HAVE LEFT? 1064 00:53:56,700 --> 00:54:06,100 ** 1065 00:54:06,100 --> 00:54:07,533 FOR THE LAST FEW MONTHS, 1066 00:54:07,533 --> 00:54:09,433 I REALLY THOUGHT I HAD BEEN EATING RIGHT, 1067 00:54:09,433 --> 00:54:12,200 BUT I HAVEN'T LOST THE WEIGHT DR. NOW WANTS. 1068 00:54:12,200 --> 00:54:14,067 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 1069 00:54:14,067 --> 00:54:16,633 SO I'M EXCITED TO MEET THE DIETITIAN TODAY 1070 00:54:16,633 --> 00:54:18,900 AND HOPEFULLY FINALLY GET ON THE RIGHT TRACK. 1071 00:54:18,900 --> 00:54:23,600 ** 1072 00:54:23,600 --> 00:54:25,567 -HI! -HI. HOW ARE YOU? 1073 00:54:25,567 --> 00:54:27,133 -I'M ROXANNE. -I'M ALICIA. 1074 00:54:27,133 --> 00:54:28,667 -NICE TO MEET YOU. -IT'S SO NICE TO MEET YOU/ 1075 00:54:28,667 --> 00:54:29,967 I'VE BEEN LOOK FORWARD TO MEETING YOU 1076 00:54:29,967 --> 00:54:31,100 AND TALKING WITH YOU. 1077 00:54:31,100 --> 00:54:32,900 ME TOO. COME ON IN. 1078 00:54:32,900 --> 00:54:34,100 THANK YOU. 1079 00:54:34,100 --> 00:54:35,400 YOU JUST WANT TO COME... 1080 00:54:35,400 --> 00:54:39,900 ** 1081 00:54:39,900 --> 00:54:42,733 SO I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE HAVING SOME QUESTIONS 1082 00:54:42,733 --> 00:54:44,167 ABOUT YOUR DIET OR SOME PROBLEMS. 1083 00:54:44,167 --> 00:54:45,467 WHAT SEEMS TO BE GOING ON? 1084 00:54:45,467 --> 00:54:50,833 I FEEL LIKE, FOR ME, THE HARDEST PART IS PORTION SIZES 1085 00:54:50,833 --> 00:54:52,167 AND JUST REALLY UNDERSTANDING 1086 00:54:52,167 --> 00:54:55,267 WHAT EXACTLY A 1,200-CALORIE DIET 1087 00:54:55,267 --> 00:54:56,633 WOULD REALLY LOOK LIKE. 1088 00:54:56,633 --> 00:54:59,267 I JUST THINK THAT WE NEED TO EDUCATE YOU ON WHAT IS 4 OUNCES, 1089 00:54:59,267 --> 00:55:01,867 AND WHAT IS THIS, AND HOW DO I PLACE THIS MEAL TOGETHER, 1090 00:55:01,867 --> 00:55:03,333 AND YOU WANT IT TO TASTE GOOD 1091 00:55:03,333 --> 00:55:04,833 BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO FEEL DEPRIVED. 1092 00:55:04,833 --> 00:55:07,067 SO WHY DON'T WE GO LOOK AND SEE WHAT'S INSIDE THE FRIDGE? 1093 00:55:07,067 --> 00:55:08,833 ALL RIGHT. SOUNDS GOOD. 1094 00:55:08,833 --> 00:55:12,533 ** 1095 00:55:12,533 --> 00:55:15,433 SO LET'S SEE WHAT WE HAVE IN HERE. 1096 00:55:15,433 --> 00:55:17,967 ** 1097 00:55:17,967 --> 00:55:21,100 SOME OF THE DEFINITE THINGS WE NEED TO STAY AWAY FROM -- 1098 00:55:21,100 --> 00:55:23,733 MAYONNAISE, CALORIES IS 100, 1099 00:55:23,733 --> 00:55:25,200 CALORIES FROM FAT IS 100. 1100 00:55:25,200 --> 00:55:26,767 -SO THIS IS JUST... -ALL FAT. 1101 00:55:26,767 --> 00:55:28,167 ...DEFINITELY NOT A GOOD CHOICE. 1102 00:55:28,167 --> 00:55:31,067 SO THIS IS NOT GOOD. OKAY. 1103 00:55:31,067 --> 00:55:34,467 SO SHOW ME SOME OF THE THINGS THAT YOU TEND TO USE 1104 00:55:34,467 --> 00:55:37,567 THROUGHOUT THE DAY FOR YOUR SEASONINGS OR WHATEVER. 1105 00:55:37,567 --> 00:55:41,200 OKAY. I DO HAVE SOME DRESSINGS. 1106 00:55:42,567 --> 00:55:45,067 I HAVE A LIGHT NORTHERN ITALIAN. 1107 00:55:45,067 --> 00:55:50,233 OKAY, SO THE CALORIES IS 45, BUT THE CALORIES FROM FAT IS 40, 1108 00:55:50,233 --> 00:55:53,100 SO THIS IS ABOUT 100% FAT. YEAH. 1109 00:55:53,100 --> 00:55:55,533 SO EVEN THOUGH IT SAYS LIGHT, 1110 00:55:55,533 --> 00:55:58,533 THAT DOES NOT MEAN IT IS LOW-FAT. 1111 00:55:58,533 --> 00:56:00,367 AND WE WANT TO TRY TO CONSUME FOODS 1112 00:56:00,367 --> 00:56:02,833 THAT ARE ONLY 20% FAT OR LESS, 1113 00:56:02,833 --> 00:56:06,567 SO THIS IS SOMETHING WE WANT TO NOT USE. 1114 00:56:06,567 --> 00:56:09,267 OKAY, SO NOW LET'S GRAB MEASURING CUPS, TUPPERWARE, 1115 00:56:09,267 --> 00:56:12,067 AND LET'S FIGURE OUT HOW TO DIVIDE THE PORTIONS. 1116 00:56:12,067 --> 00:56:13,667 ALL RIGHT. 1117 00:56:13,667 --> 00:56:16,633 CLOSE THIS UP. 1118 00:56:16,633 --> 00:56:18,933 I HAVE TO START CHANGING THE FOODS I EAT, 1119 00:56:18,933 --> 00:56:22,433 BUT I KNOW IT'S ALSO ABOUT HOW MUCH I EAT, AS WELL. 1120 00:56:22,433 --> 00:56:23,700 PERFECT. 1121 00:56:23,700 --> 00:56:26,100 RIGHT NOW, YOU CAN DO 3 TO 4 OUNCES OF PROTEIN. 1122 00:56:26,100 --> 00:56:29,567 4 OUNCES IS LIKE A HALF A CUP, SO WHAT YOU COULD DO 1123 00:56:29,567 --> 00:56:34,267 IS JUST PUT IT INTO THE LITTLE DISH. 1124 00:56:34,267 --> 00:56:35,900 I DON'T MIND -- YOU KNOW, JUST KIND OF FILL IT UP. 1125 00:56:35,900 --> 00:56:36,933 IT'S ALMOST 4 OUNCES. 1126 00:56:36,933 --> 00:56:38,200 AND THEN WHEN YOU DUMP IT IN HERE, 1127 00:56:38,200 --> 00:56:40,433 YOU CAN KIND OF START SEEING WHAT 4 OUNCES WOULD BE. 1128 00:56:40,433 --> 00:56:42,067 -OKAY. -YOU CAN EYEBALL IT. 1129 00:56:42,067 --> 00:56:44,300 IF THIS WAS FILLED UP, THEN YOU KNOW THAT'S LIKE TWO SERVINGS. 1130 00:56:44,300 --> 00:56:45,500 I THINK THAT'S GOING TO BE GOOD INFORMATION 1131 00:56:45,500 --> 00:56:46,967 TO HELP YOU GET WHERE YOU WANT TO BE. 1132 00:56:46,967 --> 00:56:48,933 THIS WAS A LOT TO TAKE IN. 1133 00:56:48,933 --> 00:56:51,833 I DIDN'T REALIZE ALL THE THINGS THAT ARE REALLY BAD FOR ME... 1134 00:56:51,833 --> 00:56:53,767 -THANK YOU. -BYE. 1135 00:56:53,767 --> 00:56:58,467 ...AND JUST HOW MANY EXTRA CALORIES THEY ADD TO MY DIET. 1136 00:56:58,467 --> 00:57:00,533 IT'S ALL GOOD INFORMATION, REALLY, 1137 00:57:00,533 --> 00:57:05,600 BUT KNOWING AND DOING ARE COMPLETELY SEPARATE THINGS. 1138 00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:08,067 SO I'M HOPING THAT I'M ABLE TO TAKE WHAT I'VE LEARNED TODAY 1139 00:57:08,067 --> 00:57:10,133 AND APPLY IT LIKE I NEED 1140 00:57:10,133 --> 00:57:13,700 BECAUSE I KNOW I'M DOWN TO MY LAST CHANCE WITH DR. NOW, 1141 00:57:13,700 --> 00:57:15,500 AND IT'S EXTREMELY IMPORTANT I DO THIS 1142 00:57:15,500 --> 00:57:18,467 AND GET TO WHERE I NEED BY MY NEXT DOCTOR VISIT 1143 00:57:18,467 --> 00:57:21,567 BECAUSE I NEED TO GET THIS SURGERY. 1144 00:57:21,567 --> 00:57:24,200 AND IF I LOSE MY CHANCE FOR THAT, 1145 00:57:24,200 --> 00:57:26,300 I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO. 1146 00:57:33,900 --> 00:57:40,067 ** 1147 00:57:40,067 --> 00:57:46,233 ** 1148 00:57:46,233 --> 00:57:49,167 Alicia: WE'RE HEADED TO DR. NOW'S OFFICE FOR A CHECKUP, 1149 00:57:49,167 --> 00:57:50,733 AND I'M HOPING THAT TODAY IS THE DAY 1150 00:57:50,733 --> 00:57:53,767 I FINALLY GET APPROVED FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY. 1151 00:57:53,767 --> 00:57:56,867 I'M ANXIOUS BECAUSE EVERY TIME I'VE SEEN DR. NOW, 1152 00:57:56,867 --> 00:58:00,500 I'VE LOST WEIGHT BUT NEVER AS MUCH AS HE WANTED ME TO. 1153 00:58:02,700 --> 00:58:05,067 I'VE BEEN FOLLOWING THE NUTRITIONIST'S ADVICE 1154 00:58:05,067 --> 00:58:08,733 AND REALLY WATCHING MY PORTION SIZES. 1155 00:58:08,733 --> 00:58:12,833 MY WEIGHT-LOSS GOAL FOR THIS PAST MONTH WAS 45 POUNDS. 1156 00:58:14,333 --> 00:58:16,067 ALICIA KIRGAN. 1157 00:58:16,067 --> 00:58:19,533 Alicia: SO I'M REALLY HOPING I AM BELOW 545 1158 00:58:19,533 --> 00:58:21,733 LIKE I'M SUPPOSED TO BE, 1159 00:58:21,733 --> 00:58:24,333 BECAUSE IF I DON'T MEET THE GOAL TODAY, 1160 00:58:24,333 --> 00:58:26,267 I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE I CAN DO. 1161 00:58:28,400 --> 00:58:30,600 AND I'M TERRIFIED THAT EVERYTHING I'VE DONE 1162 00:58:30,600 --> 00:58:33,567 AND EVERYTHING TIM HAS SACRIFICED TO HELP ME 1163 00:58:33,567 --> 00:58:35,167 WILL BE FOR NOTHING. 1164 00:58:35,167 --> 00:58:39,933 ** 1165 00:58:39,933 --> 00:58:41,467 NICE JOB. 1166 00:58:41,467 --> 00:58:43,500 THAT'S REALLY EXCITING. 1167 00:58:43,500 --> 00:58:46,433 ** 1168 00:58:46,433 --> 00:58:49,833 I CAN'T BELIEVE I FINALLY DID IT. 1169 00:58:49,833 --> 00:58:52,333 IT FEELS SO GOOD TO FINALLY MEET THE GOAL 1170 00:58:52,333 --> 00:58:54,733 THAT DR. NOW SET FOR ME. 1171 00:58:54,733 --> 00:58:56,800 I FEEL LIKE I HAD A REALLY GOOD WEIGHT LOSS, 1172 00:58:56,800 --> 00:58:59,200 AND I'M JUST EXCITED TO SEE WHAT HE HAS TO SAY, 1173 00:58:59,200 --> 00:59:01,867 AND I JUST HOPE THAT THIS IS FINALLY ENOUGH 1174 00:59:01,867 --> 00:59:03,600 TO GET ME APPROVED FOR SURGERY. 1175 00:59:03,600 --> 00:59:04,633 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 1176 00:59:04,633 --> 00:59:07,067 COME IN. 1177 00:59:07,067 --> 00:59:08,700 HELLO. 1178 00:59:08,700 --> 00:59:09,967 HOW ARE YOU TODAY? 1179 00:59:09,967 --> 00:59:14,400 GOOD, DOING GOOD, JUST TRYING TO STAY ON TRACK. 1180 00:59:14,400 --> 00:59:18,100 ALL RIGHT. SO YOU'RE DOWN TO 538 TODAY. 1181 00:59:18,100 --> 00:59:19,533 MM-HMM. 1182 00:59:19,533 --> 00:59:23,067 YOU FINALLY MET A GOAL AND LOST SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF WEIGHT. 1183 00:59:23,067 --> 00:59:24,133 YES. 1184 00:59:24,133 --> 00:59:26,100 SO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE BETTER CONTROL 1185 00:59:26,100 --> 00:59:28,200 OF YOUR EATING HABITS RIGHT NOW? 1186 00:59:28,200 --> 00:59:29,667 -YES. -OKAY. 1187 00:59:29,667 --> 00:59:34,067 GOOD, BUT WE STILL HAVE A LOT OF HARD WORK AHEAD OF US, 1188 00:59:34,067 --> 00:59:36,167 BUT YOU'VE SHOWN ME A WILLINGNESS 1189 00:59:36,167 --> 00:59:38,067 TO DO SOME OF THAT HARD WORK, 1190 00:59:38,067 --> 00:59:41,567 SO I'M APPROVING YOU FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY TODAY. 1191 00:59:41,567 --> 00:59:43,567 -OKAY. -CONGRATULATIONS. 1192 00:59:43,567 --> 00:59:44,733 I'M PROUD OF YOU. 1193 00:59:44,733 --> 00:59:46,700 THANK YOU. 1194 00:59:46,700 --> 00:59:49,200 IT'S TAKEN HER A LITTLE WHILE, 1195 00:59:49,200 --> 00:59:52,700 BUT ALICIA HAS FINALLY TAKEN SOME RESPONSIBILITY 1196 00:59:52,700 --> 00:59:56,633 AND REFRAINING FROM GIVING IN TO HER EMOTIONS. 1197 00:59:56,633 --> 00:59:59,400 I'M HAPPY TO SEE THE PROGRESS SHE'S MAKING, 1198 00:59:59,400 --> 01:00:03,833 AND I'M HOPEFUL SHE FINALLY IS HEADED IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. 1199 01:00:03,833 --> 01:00:06,700 OKAY. WE'LL GET YOU IN SCHEDULE FOR THE NEXT MONTH. 1200 01:00:06,700 --> 01:00:07,967 OKAY. 1201 01:00:07,967 --> 01:00:10,500 AND IN THE MEANTIME, I WANT YOU TO KEEP AT IT, 1202 01:00:10,500 --> 01:00:12,700 BECAUSE IF YOU GAIN BEFORE THEN, 1203 01:00:12,700 --> 01:00:15,000 WE WON'T MOVE AHEAD FOR YOUR SURGERY, 1204 01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:17,033 SO STICK WITH IT, OKAY? 1205 01:00:17,033 --> 01:00:18,367 -OKAY. -GREAT JOB. 1206 01:00:18,367 --> 01:00:19,867 I'LL SEE YOU BOTH SOON. 1207 01:00:19,867 --> 01:00:21,967 THANK YOU SO MUCH. I REALLY APPRECIATE IT. 1208 01:00:21,967 --> 01:00:24,033 -OH, YOU'RE WELCOME. -HEY, THANK YOU, DOC. 1209 01:00:24,033 --> 01:00:25,133 YOU'RE WELCOME. 1210 01:00:25,133 --> 01:00:26,433 THANK YOU. 1211 01:00:26,433 --> 01:00:30,267 ** 1212 01:00:30,267 --> 01:00:31,567 -NICE JOB, BABE. -THANKS, BABE. 1213 01:00:31,567 --> 01:00:32,933 -YOU'VE WORKED REALLY HARD. -THANKS. 1214 01:00:32,933 --> 01:00:34,500 I'M TELLING YOU, I'M REALLY IMPRESSED. 1215 01:00:34,500 --> 01:00:36,967 YOU'RE TOUGHER THAN WHAT I KNEW THAT YOU WERE. 1216 01:00:36,967 --> 01:00:39,067 -THANKS, BABE. -YOU KNOW? 1217 01:00:39,067 --> 01:00:42,267 I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT THIS IS FINALLY HAPPENING. 1218 01:00:44,467 --> 01:00:47,067 I'M REALLY EXCITED, BUT IT WOULD BE A LIE TO SAY 1219 01:00:47,067 --> 01:00:48,333 THAT THERE'S NOT A LITTLE FEAR THAT, 1220 01:00:48,333 --> 01:00:51,300 OH, MY GOSH, THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING NOW, 1221 01:00:51,300 --> 01:00:52,867 BUT THIS IS WHAT I NEED, 1222 01:00:52,867 --> 01:00:55,567 AND THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST THING FOR ME 1223 01:00:55,567 --> 01:00:57,233 BECAUSE IT MEANS THE OPPORTUNITY 1224 01:00:57,233 --> 01:00:59,867 TO REALLY START TO BE ABLE TO LIVE LIFE. 1225 01:00:59,867 --> 01:01:05,333 ** 1226 01:01:05,333 --> 01:01:10,733 ** 1227 01:01:10,733 --> 01:01:13,500 TODAY, I'M IN THE HOSPITAL, AND I AM GETTING READY 1228 01:01:13,500 --> 01:01:17,167 TO HAVE THE GASTRIC SLEEVE PROCEDURE. 1229 01:01:17,167 --> 01:01:18,967 THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR, 1230 01:01:18,967 --> 01:01:21,100 AND THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN WORKING FOR, 1231 01:01:21,100 --> 01:01:24,533 AND IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THAT IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING. 1232 01:01:24,533 --> 01:01:28,267 I AM EXCITED, BUT I'M SCARED, TOO. 1233 01:01:28,267 --> 01:01:29,733 [ DOOR OPENS ] 1234 01:01:29,733 --> 01:01:31,067 -HI, BABE. -OH, YOU MADE IT. 1235 01:01:31,067 --> 01:01:32,367 WE MADE IT. 1236 01:01:32,367 --> 01:01:35,267 ** 1237 01:01:37,067 --> 01:01:38,567 FEEL ALL RIGHT RIGHT NOW. 1238 01:01:38,567 --> 01:01:41,333 EVERYBODY'S BEEN ASKING ABOUT YOU, PRAYING FOR YOU. 1239 01:01:41,333 --> 01:01:43,067 YEAH. 1240 01:01:43,067 --> 01:01:46,667 TELL EVERYBODY I LOVE THEM AND THANK YOU. 1241 01:01:46,667 --> 01:01:48,200 Allen: IT'LL BE OKAY. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. 1242 01:01:48,200 --> 01:01:49,933 Alicia: I LOVE YOU. THANK YOU. 1243 01:01:49,933 --> 01:01:51,933 Alicia: I'M GRATEFUL THAT TIM IS HERE BY MY SIDE 1244 01:01:51,933 --> 01:01:54,100 AND THAT MY PARENTS HAVE MADE THE JOURNEY DOWN TO TEXAS 1245 01:01:54,100 --> 01:01:55,533 TO BE HERE FOR THE SURGERY. 1246 01:01:55,533 --> 01:01:56,967 LOVE YOU. 1247 01:01:56,967 --> 01:01:58,200 IT MAKES ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER 1248 01:01:58,200 --> 01:01:59,533 FOR WHAT I'M ABOUT TO GO THROUGH. 1249 01:01:59,533 --> 01:02:00,733 OKAY, BABE. I LOVE YOU. 1250 01:02:00,733 --> 01:02:02,567 -I LOVE YOU. -OKAY. 1251 01:02:02,567 --> 01:02:03,567 DON'T WORRY. 1252 01:02:03,567 --> 01:02:04,933 OKAY. 1253 01:02:06,633 --> 01:02:09,467 WITH ANY SURGERY, THERE'S DEFINITELY ALWAYS RISKS, 1254 01:02:09,467 --> 01:02:14,067 AND WITH MY SIZE, THE RISKS ARE EVEN THAT MUCH GREATER, 1255 01:02:14,067 --> 01:02:15,867 AND AFTER THEY PUT ME UNDER, 1256 01:02:15,867 --> 01:02:17,867 I KNOW THERE IS A REAL POSSIBILITY 1257 01:02:17,867 --> 01:02:20,200 THAT I WON'T WAKE UP AGAIN, 1258 01:02:20,200 --> 01:02:23,600 AND AS FRIGHTENING AS THAT IS, WITH THIS SURGERY, 1259 01:02:23,600 --> 01:02:26,233 AT LEAST THERE'S A FIGHTING CHANCE 1260 01:02:26,233 --> 01:02:28,733 BECAUSE IF I STAY THE WAY I'VE BEEN LIVING, 1261 01:02:28,733 --> 01:02:30,633 THERE IS NO HOPE FOR ME. 1262 01:02:30,633 --> 01:02:34,333 ** 1263 01:02:34,333 --> 01:02:37,200 Dr. Nowzaradan: ALICIA HAS DONE WELL THIS PAST MONTH 1264 01:02:37,200 --> 01:02:40,467 AND LOST ANOTHER 26 POUNDS, 1265 01:02:40,467 --> 01:02:44,733 SO WE'LL BE PERFORMING A SLEEVE GASTRECTOMY ON HER TODAY. 1266 01:02:44,733 --> 01:02:47,067 ** 1267 01:02:47,067 --> 01:02:51,633 THIS OPERATION IS VERY HIGH-RISK BECAUSE OF ALICIA'S WEIGHT. 1268 01:02:54,667 --> 01:02:57,300 ** 1269 01:02:57,300 --> 01:03:01,967 BUT MOST OF ALICIA'S WEIGHT IS CARRIED AROUND HER STOMACH. 1270 01:03:01,967 --> 01:03:05,267 WE CAN TURN THE ROOM LIGHT OFF. 1271 01:03:05,267 --> 01:03:07,533 AND THAT WILL MAKE IT VERY DIFFICULT 1272 01:03:07,533 --> 01:03:10,433 TO MANEUVER THE INSTRUMENTS, 1273 01:03:10,433 --> 01:03:13,467 SO IF THIS SLOWS US DOWN TOO MUCH, 1274 01:03:13,467 --> 01:03:16,300 WE'LL HAVE TO CALL OFF THE SURGERY... 1275 01:03:16,300 --> 01:03:18,200 HOLD THE FAT. HOLD THE FAT. 1276 01:03:18,200 --> 01:03:22,167 ...BECAUSE THE RISK OF CARDIAC ARREST OR OTHER COMPLICATIONS 1277 01:03:22,167 --> 01:03:24,333 IS GREATER THE LONGER WE ALLOW 1278 01:03:24,333 --> 01:03:28,767 FOR THE STRAIN OF ANESTHESIA ON HER BODY, 1279 01:03:28,767 --> 01:03:32,533 BUT IF WE ARE ABLE TO PERFORM THE SURGERY TODAY, 1280 01:03:32,533 --> 01:03:36,300 THIS OPERATION WILL HELP HER TO CONTINUE TO LOSE WEIGHT. 1281 01:03:36,300 --> 01:03:39,500 ** 1282 01:03:39,500 --> 01:03:41,467 Tim: IT'S REALLY HARD TO JUST SIT AROUND AND WAIT 1283 01:03:41,467 --> 01:03:44,300 WHILE A LOVED ONE IS GOING UNDER THE KNIFE. 1284 01:03:44,300 --> 01:03:47,400 I KNOW THAT ANYTIME YOU'RE UNDER ANESTHESIA 1285 01:03:47,400 --> 01:03:49,433 THAT BAD THINGS COULD HAPPEN. 1286 01:03:49,433 --> 01:03:52,233 I'M MOST SCARED AND NERVOUS ABOUT LOSING ALICIA, 1287 01:03:52,233 --> 01:03:56,600 SO I'M HOPING THAT EVERYTHING TURNS OUT GREAT. 1288 01:03:56,600 --> 01:03:58,267 Dr. Nowzaradan: LITTLE BIT MORE, LITTLE BIT MORE. 1289 01:03:58,267 --> 01:03:59,300 -UH-HUH. -OKAY. 1290 01:03:59,300 --> 01:04:00,933 -JUST LEAVE IT THERE. -ALL RIGHT. 1291 01:04:00,933 --> 01:04:03,367 A SLEEVE GASTRECTOMY IS AN OPERATION. 1292 01:04:03,367 --> 01:04:06,533 WE REMOVE 80% TO 90% OF STOMACH. 1293 01:04:06,533 --> 01:04:08,367 ONE MORE WILL DO. 1294 01:04:08,367 --> 01:04:12,433 AFTER THE SURGERY, PATIENT CAN GET FULL REALLY QUICK. 1295 01:04:12,433 --> 01:04:16,600 ALSO, THERE IS A CHANGE IN THE METABOLISM AND HORMONE 1296 01:04:16,600 --> 01:04:18,333 THAT MAKE THEM LESS HUNGRY, 1297 01:04:18,333 --> 01:04:21,733 AND THEIR FOOD DESIRE WILL DIMINISH. 1298 01:04:21,733 --> 01:04:23,200 ROOM LIGHT BACK ON. 1299 01:04:25,500 --> 01:04:28,333 THIS WILL HELP THEM TO LOSE WEIGHT. 1300 01:04:28,333 --> 01:04:30,833 ALL RIGHT. WE'RE DONE. 1301 01:04:30,833 --> 01:04:31,800 ALL RIGHT. 1302 01:04:31,800 --> 01:04:35,400 ALICIA'S SURGERY WENT VERY WELL. 1303 01:04:35,400 --> 01:04:39,900 THE SIZE OF HER STOMACH MADE IT DIFFICULT TO OPERATE, 1304 01:04:39,900 --> 01:04:43,500 BUT WE WERE ABLE TO COMPLETE THE SLEEVE PROCEDURE, 1305 01:04:43,500 --> 01:04:45,967 AND NOW WE'RE GOING TO GET HER TO RECOVERY, 1306 01:04:45,967 --> 01:04:49,900 AND SHE SHOULD BE ABLE TO LOSE 30 TO 40 POUNDS 1307 01:04:49,900 --> 01:04:52,800 IN THE FIRST MONTH, 1308 01:04:52,800 --> 01:04:56,567 BUT THE HARD WORK FOR ALICIA STARTS NOW 1309 01:04:56,567 --> 01:05:01,100 BECAUSE IF SHE TRIES TO OVEREAT TOO SOON AFTER SURGERY, 1310 01:05:01,100 --> 01:05:03,733 SHE COULD SERIOUSLY HURT HERSELF, 1311 01:05:03,733 --> 01:05:06,733 SO WE NEED TO KEEP A CLOSE EYE ON HER. 1312 01:05:12,567 --> 01:05:21,800 ** 1313 01:05:21,800 --> 01:05:31,133 ** 1314 01:05:31,133 --> 01:05:34,067 Alicia: SINCE SURGERY, HAD SOME TOUGH DAYS. 1315 01:05:34,067 --> 01:05:36,167 I'VE BEEN ON A CLEAR-LIQUID DIET, 1316 01:05:36,167 --> 01:05:39,100 WHICH IS BASICALLY JUST RAW SUGAR-FREE POPSICLES 1317 01:05:39,100 --> 01:05:40,633 AND SUGAR-FREE JELL-O. 1318 01:05:40,633 --> 01:05:43,067 I HAVE TO BE ON THAT FOR A WEEK OUTSIDE OF SURGERY. 1319 01:05:43,067 --> 01:05:47,600 AFTER THAT, I CAN MOVE TO, LIKE, THICKER, FULL LIQUIDS, 1320 01:05:47,600 --> 01:05:48,933 THEN PUREED FOODS 1321 01:05:48,933 --> 01:05:53,267 BEFORE I CAN FINALLY START TO HAVE REGULAR FOOD. 1322 01:05:53,267 --> 01:05:55,067 HEY, BABE! 1323 01:05:55,067 --> 01:05:56,400 Tim: YEAH? 1324 01:05:56,400 --> 01:05:58,800 CAN YOU HELP ME GET THIS BROTH DOWN? 1325 01:05:58,800 --> 01:06:00,400 YEAH. 1326 01:06:00,400 --> 01:06:02,233 THANK YOU. 1327 01:06:02,233 --> 01:06:05,200 I THINK THE BIGGEST SHOCK FOR ME AFTER SURGERY 1328 01:06:05,200 --> 01:06:08,067 IS THE FACT THAT I REALLY HAVE NO APPETITE. 1329 01:06:08,067 --> 01:06:09,900 I THOUGHT THERE'D BE A LOT MORE DESIRE 1330 01:06:09,900 --> 01:06:11,933 TO HAVE WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE IS HAVING. 1331 01:06:11,933 --> 01:06:13,933 IT'S ALL THE WAY UP THERE. 1332 01:06:13,933 --> 01:06:16,433 ALL RIGHT, SHORTY. 1333 01:06:16,433 --> 01:06:18,200 I HAD A LOT OF CONCERNS LIKE, "GOD, I'M GOING TO BE 1334 01:06:18,200 --> 01:06:20,533 ON THIS LIQUID DIET FOR SO LONG." 1335 01:06:20,533 --> 01:06:22,067 BABE, ARE YOU HUNGRY AT ALL? 1336 01:06:22,067 --> 01:06:24,633 YOU WANT A SNACK OR SOMETHING? 1337 01:06:24,633 --> 01:06:27,067 YEAH, I'LL PROBABLY JUST EAT A LITTLE BAG OF CHIPS. 1338 01:06:28,967 --> 01:06:30,867 AND MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN FOCUSED ON FOOD 1339 01:06:30,867 --> 01:06:34,267 AND WHAT I WANT TO EAT AND WHAT SOUNDS GOOD TO ME, 1340 01:06:34,267 --> 01:06:36,267 AND NOW IT'S REALLY NOT ABOUT, LIKE, WHAT SOUNDS GOOD. 1341 01:06:36,267 --> 01:06:39,400 IT'S JUST EATING JUST WHAT YOU NEED TO LIVE, 1342 01:06:39,400 --> 01:06:41,700 WHICH IS SO, SO NEW. 1343 01:06:41,700 --> 01:06:44,467 HERE YOU GO. 1344 01:06:44,467 --> 01:06:45,533 WHAT YOU GIVING ME? YOUR... 1345 01:06:45,533 --> 01:06:47,733 [ LAUGHS ] JUST KIDDING. 1346 01:06:47,733 --> 01:06:49,200 THERE YOU GO. 1347 01:06:49,200 --> 01:06:54,767 ** 1348 01:06:54,767 --> 01:06:57,700 I KNOW THAT AT SOME POINT THERE'S GOING TO COME A TIME 1349 01:06:57,700 --> 01:07:00,067 WHERE I'M GOING TO MISS FOOD. 1350 01:07:00,067 --> 01:07:03,867 ** 1351 01:07:03,867 --> 01:07:06,833 SO WHEN THE CRAVINGS COME, I JUST NEED TO BE PREPARED 1352 01:07:06,833 --> 01:07:08,767 TO DO WHAT IT TAKES TO DEAL WITH THEM. 1353 01:07:08,767 --> 01:07:11,500 ** 1354 01:07:11,500 --> 01:07:15,067 AND I JUST NEED TO BE READY. 1355 01:07:15,067 --> 01:07:18,467 I HAVE TO STICK WITH THIS AND MAKE THIS WORK 1356 01:07:18,467 --> 01:07:20,633 IF I WANT TO SAVE MY LIFE. 1357 01:07:20,633 --> 01:07:26,467 ** 1358 01:07:26,467 --> 01:07:32,267 ** 1359 01:07:32,267 --> 01:07:34,933 IT'S BEEN A COUPLE MONTHS SINCE MY WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY, 1360 01:07:34,933 --> 01:07:38,233 AND I'M STILL MAKING PROGRESS, 1361 01:07:38,233 --> 01:07:41,500 BUT MY CRAVINGS HAVE BEEN STARTING TO COME BACK, 1362 01:07:41,500 --> 01:07:44,367 AND LATELY, IT'S BECOME A REAL STRUGGLE WITH ME. 1363 01:07:44,367 --> 01:07:45,433 HI, BABY. 1364 01:07:45,433 --> 01:07:48,300 HI, BABE. 1365 01:07:48,300 --> 01:07:50,533 AND THE TEMPTATION TO TRY AND OVEREAT 1366 01:07:50,533 --> 01:07:54,167 HAS BEEN THE WORST AFTER I TALKED TO MY MOTHER, 1367 01:07:54,167 --> 01:07:57,733 SO I REALIZED SHE'S ONE OF MY TRIGGERS, 1368 01:07:57,733 --> 01:08:00,667 AND I SHARED THAT WITH TIM. 1369 01:08:00,667 --> 01:08:05,100 SO HE THINKS NOW THAT I NEED TO TALK TO MY MOM ABOUT IT, 1370 01:08:05,100 --> 01:08:08,200 SO HE'S BEEN PUSHING ME TO DO THAT CONSTANTLY, 1371 01:08:08,200 --> 01:08:12,067 BUT I'M NOT AT THAT POINT YET, 1372 01:08:12,067 --> 01:08:15,300 AND I DON'T THINK IT'S NECESSARY. 1373 01:08:15,300 --> 01:08:18,633 BABE, I WONDERED HOW YOU WERE FEELING NOW, 1374 01:08:18,633 --> 01:08:20,233 AND YOU HAVEN'T TALKED TO ME 1375 01:08:20,233 --> 01:08:23,200 ABOUT ANYTHING THAT'S BEEN BOTHERING YOU. 1376 01:08:23,200 --> 01:08:24,500 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 1377 01:08:24,500 --> 01:08:27,433 AND I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT SHOWING IT. 1378 01:08:27,433 --> 01:08:30,333 I MEAN, I DEFINITELY HAVE CONCERNS. 1379 01:08:30,333 --> 01:08:35,667 ANY EMOTION, FOR ME, IS A TRIGGER TO WANT TO EAT. 1380 01:08:35,667 --> 01:08:39,167 IT'S JUST ABOUT FINDING DIFFERENT WAYS TO DEAL WITH IT 1381 01:08:39,167 --> 01:08:42,200 AND TO COPE WITHOUT NEEDING FOOD. 1382 01:08:42,200 --> 01:08:47,700 FOOD WAS MY COMFORT AND MY GO-TO, WHAT HELPED TO NUMB ME, 1383 01:08:47,700 --> 01:08:50,833 AND I THINK THAT, LIKE, THE BEST WAY TO TRY TO DESCRIBE IT 1384 01:08:50,833 --> 01:08:53,100 FOR SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T HAVE ISSUES WITH FOOD TO UNDERSTAND 1385 01:08:53,100 --> 01:08:57,067 IS JUST THAT IF YOU THINK OF, LIKE, A DRUG ADDICT. 1386 01:08:57,067 --> 01:09:01,200 YOU KNOW, LIKE, IT'S LIKE I LOST A BEST FRIEND, 1387 01:09:01,200 --> 01:09:06,467 BUT I STILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT EVERY DAY. 1388 01:09:06,467 --> 01:09:12,500 I HAVE TO, LIKE, STILL OBSESS ABOUT FOOD. 1389 01:09:12,500 --> 01:09:14,667 Tim: ALICIA HAS BEEN A MASTER AT HIDING HER EMOTIONS 1390 01:09:14,667 --> 01:09:15,933 ALL HER LIFE, 1391 01:09:15,933 --> 01:09:18,233 BUT NOW, AFTER WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY, 1392 01:09:18,233 --> 01:09:20,367 SHE HAS TO DEAL WITH THOSE EMOTIONS. 1393 01:09:20,367 --> 01:09:23,933 FOOD WAS ALICIA'S DRUG, AND I CAN RELATE WITH THAT 1394 01:09:23,933 --> 01:09:27,067 BECAUSE I'VE HAD ADDICTIONS OF MY OWN THROUGHOUT MY LIFE. 1395 01:09:27,067 --> 01:09:28,533 WHAT SHE'S GOING TO HAVE TO WORK THROUGH 1396 01:09:28,533 --> 01:09:31,100 IS FIXING THOSE ROOT CAUSES, 1397 01:09:31,100 --> 01:09:34,067 THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO TO YOUR COMFORT ZONE 1398 01:09:34,067 --> 01:09:35,967 OR TO NUMB YOURSELF. 1399 01:09:35,967 --> 01:09:38,200 I JUST WANT YOU TO BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH, YOU KNOW, 1400 01:09:38,200 --> 01:09:42,167 THE INNER EMOTIONS THAT CAUSE THAT ROOT PROBLEM 1401 01:09:42,167 --> 01:09:44,967 THAT, YOU KNOW, YOU TURN TO THE COMFORT OF FOOD. 1402 01:09:44,967 --> 01:09:48,333 A REAL GOOD FIRST STEP WOULD BE TO HAVE 1403 01:09:48,333 --> 01:09:51,767 AN HONEST CONVERSATION WITH YOUR MOM. 1404 01:09:51,767 --> 01:09:56,067 TRYING TO BLAME HER OR SAY THAT THE THINGS THAT SHE DOES 1405 01:09:56,067 --> 01:10:00,800 IS WHAT MAKES ME DO THAT IS NOT FAIR AND IS ALSO NOT CORRECT. 1406 01:10:00,800 --> 01:10:03,933 YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY THAT IT MAKES YOU DO IT. 1407 01:10:03,933 --> 01:10:07,467 YOU CAN SAY THAT IT'S DANGEROUS. 1408 01:10:07,467 --> 01:10:10,467 Alicia: IT'S ALWAYS HARD TO TALK ABOUT MY FAMILY. 1409 01:10:10,467 --> 01:10:13,500 I DON'T THINK THAT IT'S ALWAYS NECESSARILY AS BLACK AND WHITE 1410 01:10:13,500 --> 01:10:15,867 AS HE, LIKE, WANTS IT TO BE. 1411 01:10:15,867 --> 01:10:17,467 JUST TELL HER WHAT YOU NEED FROM HER. 1412 01:10:17,467 --> 01:10:18,867 THAT'S NOT FAIR. 1413 01:10:18,867 --> 01:10:22,867 NO, NO, IT'S NOT, BUT YOU CAN TELL HER THAT, 1414 01:10:22,867 --> 01:10:26,467 "THIS IS BIG FOR ME." 1415 01:10:26,467 --> 01:10:29,067 I GET WHAT TIM IS SAYING, AND I DON'T DISAGREE. 1416 01:10:29,067 --> 01:10:32,767 I'M JUST NOT READY TO DO IT, SO I'M NOT DOING IT, 1417 01:10:32,767 --> 01:10:35,367 EVEN IF IT MEANS MY WEIGHT LOSS WILL SLOW. 1418 01:10:35,367 --> 01:10:44,567 ** 1419 01:10:44,567 --> 01:10:53,733 ** 1420 01:10:53,733 --> 01:10:57,700 THIS PAST MONTH, THINGS HAVE GOTTEN HARDER. 1421 01:10:57,700 --> 01:10:59,500 I KNOW I'VE BEEN RUNNING TO FOOD MORE 1422 01:10:59,500 --> 01:11:03,433 AND GIVING IN TO MY CRAVINGS SOME. 1423 01:11:03,433 --> 01:11:09,500 SO I DECIDED TO DO WHAT TIM HAS BEEN ENCOURAGING ME TO DO. 1424 01:11:09,500 --> 01:11:12,900 SO I'M GOING TO TRAVEL BACK HOME TO SEE MY MOM. 1425 01:11:12,900 --> 01:11:21,333 ** 1426 01:11:21,333 --> 01:11:23,233 HI, BABY. 1427 01:11:23,233 --> 01:11:24,600 -ABOUT READY? -YEAH. 1428 01:11:24,600 --> 01:11:25,933 IS THIS EVERYTHING? 1429 01:11:25,933 --> 01:11:28,400 YEAH. 1430 01:11:28,400 --> 01:11:30,300 I THINK I'M READY TO DO THIS PHYSICALLY 1431 01:11:30,300 --> 01:11:33,800 WITH ALL THE WEIGHT I'VE LOST, 1432 01:11:33,800 --> 01:11:36,500 BUT I'M JUST NOT SURE I'M READY EMOTIONALLY, 1433 01:11:36,500 --> 01:11:39,500 BUT I KNOW I HAVE TO DO THIS. 1434 01:11:39,500 --> 01:11:41,767 THIS IS AN IMPORTANT STEP IN HEALING 1435 01:11:41,767 --> 01:11:45,533 AND BEING ABLE TO REALLY OVERCOME THE ISSUES 1436 01:11:45,533 --> 01:11:48,533 THAT DROVE ME TO MY WEIGHT GAIN. 1437 01:11:50,067 --> 01:11:51,133 I THINK, YOU KNOW, REALLY, 1438 01:11:51,133 --> 01:11:52,533 WHAT I JUST WANT TO TALK TO MY MOM ABOUT 1439 01:11:52,533 --> 01:11:54,233 IS JUST THAT FEELING OF NOT FEELING LIKE 1440 01:11:54,233 --> 01:11:56,533 I WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER. 1441 01:11:56,533 --> 01:12:01,600 I WASN'T THE IMAGE OF PERFECTION THAT SHE MAY HAVE WANTED. 1442 01:12:01,600 --> 01:12:02,767 I JUST THINK, YOU KNOW, GROWING UP, 1443 01:12:02,767 --> 01:12:05,133 SHE REALLY FOCUSED ON MY WEIGHT 1444 01:12:05,133 --> 01:12:07,167 AND MAKING SURE, LIKE, SHE WANTED ME TO LOSE THE WEIGHT 1445 01:12:07,167 --> 01:12:09,533 AND, LIKE, WHAT CAN WE DO TO LOSE THE WEIGHT 1446 01:12:09,533 --> 01:12:11,567 INSTEAD OF IT BEING REALLY JUST ABOUT ME 1447 01:12:11,567 --> 01:12:13,567 AND WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH ME, 1448 01:12:13,567 --> 01:12:15,467 SO THAT KIND OF ALWAYS MADE ME FEEL LIKE, 1449 01:12:15,467 --> 01:12:18,967 YOU KNOW, BECAUSE OF MY WEIGHT, I JUST WASN'T REALLY ENOUGH. 1450 01:12:18,967 --> 01:12:21,267 ** 1451 01:12:21,267 --> 01:12:23,567 MOVING AWAY? 1452 01:12:23,567 --> 01:12:25,467 LOOKS LIKE IT. I'M GOING TO SIT ON THAT. 1453 01:12:25,467 --> 01:12:26,600 OKAY. 1454 01:12:26,600 --> 01:12:29,267 ** 1455 01:12:29,267 --> 01:12:34,167 I JUST HOPE THAT MY MOM IS WILLING TO LISTEN TO ME 1456 01:12:34,167 --> 01:12:38,967 SO I CAN START TO GET PAST SOME OF THE ISSUES THAT LED ME HERE. 1457 01:12:38,967 --> 01:12:41,133 OKAY, BABY. 1458 01:12:41,133 --> 01:12:42,733 LOVE YOU. DRIVE CAREFUL. 1459 01:12:42,733 --> 01:12:46,067 I WILL. MISS YOU. 1460 01:12:46,067 --> 01:12:50,900 I HAVE TO DO THIS AND FIGHT TO TRY AND GET BACK ON TRACK 1461 01:12:50,900 --> 01:12:52,167 BEFORE I MESS IT ALL UP 1462 01:12:52,167 --> 01:12:54,533 AND LOSE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH TIM. 1463 01:12:54,533 --> 01:12:56,067 ** 1464 01:13:02,100 --> 01:13:09,367 ** 1465 01:13:09,367 --> 01:13:16,633 ** 1466 01:13:16,633 --> 01:13:18,567 Alicia: IT'S BEEN A REALLY LONG DRIVE, 1467 01:13:18,567 --> 01:13:20,800 BUT I'M FEELING GOOD PHYSICALLY, 1468 01:13:20,800 --> 01:13:23,467 WHICH IS A PLEASANT SURPRISE. 1469 01:13:23,467 --> 01:13:25,700 AS I'M GETTING CLOSER TO MY MOM'S HOUSE, 1470 01:13:25,700 --> 01:13:28,067 I'M FEELING NERVOUS. 1471 01:13:28,067 --> 01:13:30,700 EVER SINCE I WAS A KID, I FELT LIKE MY WEIGHT 1472 01:13:30,700 --> 01:13:34,233 WAS WHAT MATTERED MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE TO HER. 1473 01:13:34,233 --> 01:13:36,567 I KNOW MY MOM WAS DOING THE BEST SHE COULD, 1474 01:13:36,567 --> 01:13:37,933 BUT I NEVER REALLY COULD TELL HER 1475 01:13:37,933 --> 01:13:40,733 HOW MUCH IT HURT ME AS A CHILD. 1476 01:13:40,733 --> 01:13:42,633 I WAS STILL A KID. 1477 01:13:42,633 --> 01:13:44,867 I HAD NO IDEA HOW TO SAY ANY OF THAT, 1478 01:13:44,867 --> 01:13:47,833 AND MY MOM MIGHT BE A LITTLE HURT BY WHAT I HAVE TO SAY, 1479 01:13:47,833 --> 01:13:51,400 BUT I HOPE, IN THE END, THIS BRINGS US CLOSER. 1480 01:13:51,400 --> 01:13:52,933 -HEY. -HI. 1481 01:13:52,933 --> 01:13:55,100 -YOU MADE IT. -HOW'S IT GOING? 1482 01:13:55,100 --> 01:13:57,300 GOOD, HONEY. HOW YOU DOING? 1483 01:13:57,300 --> 01:13:58,567 GOOD. LONG TRIP. 1484 01:13:58,567 --> 01:14:00,933 I KNOW. 1485 01:14:00,933 --> 01:14:02,067 HOW ARE YOU DOING? 1486 01:14:02,067 --> 01:14:04,800 OH, OKAY. 1487 01:14:04,800 --> 01:14:07,067 -WHERE'S TIM? -HE HAD TO WORK. 1488 01:14:07,067 --> 01:14:08,467 OKAY. 1489 01:14:08,467 --> 01:14:09,833 I'M MAKING SOME TEA FOR US. 1490 01:14:09,833 --> 01:14:11,333 OH, NICE. DO YOU NEED HELP? 1491 01:14:11,333 --> 01:14:13,733 NO, GO SIT DOWN. WANT TO MOVE THAT BAG? 1492 01:14:13,733 --> 01:14:14,900 I'LL GET IT. 1493 01:14:20,933 --> 01:14:22,300 -HERE YOU GO. -THANK YOU. 1494 01:14:22,300 --> 01:14:24,500 IT'S HOT. 1495 01:14:24,500 --> 01:14:26,700 PERFECT. 1496 01:14:26,700 --> 01:14:29,533 SO TELL ME, HOW DO YOU FEEL? 1497 01:14:29,533 --> 01:14:30,900 FEEL GOOD. 1498 01:14:30,900 --> 01:14:33,767 SURGERY DEFINITELY HAS HELPED KIND OF KEEP ME IN LINE 1499 01:14:33,767 --> 01:14:35,900 AND KEEP THE WEIGHT LOSS GOING. 1500 01:14:35,900 --> 01:14:37,733 PHYSICALLY WHAT YOU EAT AS MUCH? 1501 01:14:37,733 --> 01:14:39,067 YEAH. 1502 01:14:39,067 --> 01:14:40,867 BUT, YOU KNOW, SINCE SURGERY, 1503 01:14:40,867 --> 01:14:43,300 JUST REALLY BEEN KIND OF REFLECTING 1504 01:14:43,300 --> 01:14:44,967 ON A LOT OF DIFFERENT STUFF 1505 01:14:44,967 --> 01:14:48,633 AND THINKING ABOUT THINGS AND, LIKE, MY CHILDHOOD 1506 01:14:48,633 --> 01:14:50,367 AND REALLY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT, 1507 01:14:50,367 --> 01:14:52,800 LIKE, KIND OF, LIKE, WHEN THE WEIGHT STARTED COMING ON 1508 01:14:52,800 --> 01:14:56,433 AND, LIKE, WHAT I FELT LIKE MAYBE THAT WAS FROM. 1509 01:14:56,433 --> 01:14:59,233 YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, AND I KNOW THAT YOU ALWAYS TRIED, 1510 01:14:59,233 --> 01:15:00,433 YOU KNOW, TO DO YOUR BEST, 1511 01:15:00,433 --> 01:15:02,333 BUT I DEFINITELY HAD SOME FEELINGS, LIKE, 1512 01:15:02,333 --> 01:15:05,767 WHEN I WAS YOUNGER THAT, LIKE, I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH. 1513 01:15:05,767 --> 01:15:07,667 IT WAS ALL ABOUT THE WEIGHT, YOU KNOW, 1514 01:15:07,667 --> 01:15:11,967 THAT UNLESS I WAS, YOU KNOW, LIKE, SKINNY, 1515 01:15:11,967 --> 01:15:17,067 THEN I DIDN'T MATTER AS MUCH OR I WASN'T AS IMPORTANT. 1516 01:15:17,067 --> 01:15:19,867 I FELT LIKE WAS I WAS KIND OF, LIKE, THE DISAPPOINTMENT. 1517 01:15:19,867 --> 01:15:22,933 NO, I ALWAYS WANTED YOU TO BE HAPPY. 1518 01:15:22,933 --> 01:15:24,933 YOU KNOW, I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE OVERWEIGHT, 1519 01:15:24,933 --> 01:15:28,067 AND I JUST WANTED YOU TO BE HEALTHY 1520 01:15:28,067 --> 01:15:30,067 AND DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO HELP YOU. 1521 01:15:30,067 --> 01:15:31,433 I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF. 1522 01:15:31,433 --> 01:15:32,833 YOU KNOW, WE TRIED DIFFERENT THINGS 1523 01:15:32,833 --> 01:15:36,600 AND JUST COULDN'T KEEP IT OFF. 1524 01:15:36,600 --> 01:15:39,100 JUST FELT LIKE, YOU KNOW, LIKE, ALL THE STUFF YOU TRIED, 1525 01:15:39,100 --> 01:15:41,067 IT FELT LIKE IT WAS, LIKE, FOR YOU, 1526 01:15:41,067 --> 01:15:42,733 LIKE YOU WANTED ME TO BE SKINNY 1527 01:15:42,733 --> 01:15:44,233 SO THAT YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO HEAR IT 1528 01:15:44,233 --> 01:15:46,367 FROM OTHER PEOPLE ABOUT, LIKE, WHAT KIND OF PARENT YOU WERE 1529 01:15:46,367 --> 01:15:48,700 BECAUSE I WAS SO HEAVY. 1530 01:15:48,700 --> 01:15:51,967 I DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE YOU FEEL THAT WAY. 1531 01:15:51,967 --> 01:15:53,367 THERE WERE DEFINITELY THINGS 1532 01:15:53,367 --> 01:15:58,833 THAT MADE ME LOOK AT MYSELF DIFFERENTLY, MY SELF-WORTH, 1533 01:15:58,833 --> 01:16:01,067 AND THAT WAS HARD FOR ME, YOU KNOW, AS A KID, 1534 01:16:01,067 --> 01:16:04,500 NOT REALLY, LIKE, UNDERSTANDING. 1535 01:16:04,500 --> 01:16:07,300 AND I KNOW THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU DO AS A PARENT 1536 01:16:07,300 --> 01:16:10,467 IS TO MAKE YOUR CHILD CONFIDENT, 1537 01:16:10,467 --> 01:16:14,267 AND I'M SORRY I DIDN'T DO THAT FOR YOU. 1538 01:16:14,267 --> 01:16:19,333 I WANTED YOU TO BE HAPPY MORE THAN ANYTHING. 1539 01:16:19,333 --> 01:16:22,067 YOU KNOW, I LOVE YOU. 1540 01:16:22,067 --> 01:16:25,233 I JUST WANT TO FEEL LIKE IT'S NOT CONDITIONAL ON, 1541 01:16:25,233 --> 01:16:27,433 LIKE, YOU KNOW, WHAT SIZE I AM, 1542 01:16:27,433 --> 01:16:31,200 THAT JUST, NO MATTER IF I FAIL OR IF I SUCCEED, 1543 01:16:31,200 --> 01:16:34,900 I JUST WANT TO KNOW THAT YOU LOVE ME AND THAT YOU'RE HERE. 1544 01:16:34,900 --> 01:16:37,700 I DO ALWAYS LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT. 1545 01:16:37,700 --> 01:16:38,933 I AM PROUD OF YOU. 1546 01:16:38,933 --> 01:16:41,467 THANKS, MOM. 1547 01:16:41,467 --> 01:16:42,933 I'M SORRY. 1548 01:16:44,600 --> 01:16:52,500 ** 1549 01:16:52,500 --> 01:16:54,600 I'M GLAD I DID THIS. 1550 01:16:54,600 --> 01:16:56,233 SHE TOOK IT REALLY WELL, 1551 01:16:56,233 --> 01:16:59,300 AND I'M THANKFUL THAT MY MOM WAS WILLING TO LISTEN. 1552 01:16:59,300 --> 01:17:04,233 I KNOW THAT IT WAS HARD FOR HER TO HAVE TO HEAR AND TAKE IN, 1553 01:17:04,233 --> 01:17:07,800 BUT I THINK THIS IS GOING TO HELP MY MOM AND I GROW CLOSER, 1554 01:17:07,800 --> 01:17:10,100 SO TODAY WAS A REALLY GOOD DAY. 1555 01:17:10,100 --> 01:17:18,200 ** 1556 01:17:18,200 --> 01:17:20,733 LOOK AT THOSE LITTLE FLOWERS COMING UP. 1557 01:17:20,733 --> 01:17:22,067 MM-HMM. 1558 01:17:23,733 --> 01:17:25,300 EVER SINCE TALKING TO MY MOM, 1559 01:17:25,300 --> 01:17:27,967 I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN DOING BETTER. 1560 01:17:27,967 --> 01:17:30,067 I'VE BEEN ABLE TO START TO CONTROL MY CRAVINGS 1561 01:17:30,067 --> 01:17:31,800 A LITTLE MORE. 1562 01:17:31,800 --> 01:17:34,933 I STILL HAVE MY BAD DAYS WHERE I GIVE IN, 1563 01:17:34,933 --> 01:17:38,767 BUT IT'S NOT LIKE I WAS STARTING TO DO A COUPLE MONTHS AGO, 1564 01:17:38,767 --> 01:17:42,967 AND I'M EXERCISING MORE, AND TIM'S BEEN GOING WITH ME. 1565 01:17:42,967 --> 01:17:44,933 WE HAD A TALK, AND WHAT WE REALIZED 1566 01:17:44,933 --> 01:17:47,900 WAS THAT OUR ONLY TIME TOGETHER WAS DINNER, 1567 01:17:47,900 --> 01:17:51,300 AND THEN WE JUST SAT AND WATCHED TV UNTIL WE FELL ASLEEP, 1568 01:17:51,300 --> 01:17:53,667 SO HE'S MAKING IT A POINT TO TAKE OFF WORK 1569 01:17:53,667 --> 01:17:58,100 A COUPLE TIMES A WEEK TO GO TO THE PARK AND EXERCISE WITH ME, 1570 01:17:58,100 --> 01:18:00,633 AND IT'S NOT ONLY HELPING ME STAY ON TRACK, 1571 01:18:00,633 --> 01:18:04,600 BUT IT'S HELPING US GROW CLOSER TOGETHER. 1572 01:18:04,600 --> 01:18:07,867 I THINK ALICIA IS DOING REALLY WELL SINCE THE SURGERY. 1573 01:18:07,867 --> 01:18:09,133 THERE'S NO WAY A YEAR AGO 1574 01:18:09,133 --> 01:18:11,433 THAT ALICIA COULD'VE DID WHAT WE DID TODAY, 1575 01:18:11,433 --> 01:18:12,633 WALKING THROUGH THE PARK, 1576 01:18:12,633 --> 01:18:14,700 AND SHE WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN ATTEMPTED IT. 1577 01:18:14,700 --> 01:18:17,600 IT'S JUST UNREAL TO SEE ALICIA PUSH HERSELF. 1578 01:18:17,600 --> 01:18:20,067 IT'S JUST NEW, BRAND-NEW. 1579 01:18:20,067 --> 01:18:21,300 ALL RIGHT. 1580 01:18:21,300 --> 01:18:22,600 GOOD JOB. 1581 01:18:22,600 --> 01:18:25,100 Alicia: I'M FEELING REALLY GOOD RIGHT NOW. 1582 01:18:25,100 --> 01:18:28,567 I JUST HOPE MY PROGRESS IS AS MUCH AS I FEEL IT IS 1583 01:18:28,567 --> 01:18:32,267 BECAUSE I SEE DR. NOW AGAIN FOR MY NEXT APPOINTMENT SOON, 1584 01:18:32,267 --> 01:18:34,067 AND I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS. 1585 01:18:34,067 --> 01:18:35,933 IF I'M NOT BACK ON TRACK, 1586 01:18:35,933 --> 01:18:39,067 THEN I'M GOING TO BE REALLY DISCOURAGED, 1587 01:18:39,067 --> 01:18:44,133 SO I JUST HOPE I'M LOSING LIKE I WAS RIGHT AFTER THE SURGERY 1588 01:18:44,133 --> 01:18:47,667 BECAUSE, IF I'M NOT, THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO. 1589 01:18:47,667 --> 01:18:53,733 ** 1590 01:18:53,733 --> 01:18:59,833 ** 1591 01:18:59,833 --> 01:19:01,333 EVER SINCE TALKING TO MY MOM, 1592 01:19:01,333 --> 01:19:05,067 I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN DOING BETTER, 1593 01:19:05,067 --> 01:19:08,900 BUT I'M NERVOUS TO STEP ON THAT SCALE TODAY. 1594 01:19:08,900 --> 01:19:11,400 AND IF I'M NOT MAKING MUCH PROGRESS... 1595 01:19:11,400 --> 01:19:14,100 ** 1596 01:19:14,100 --> 01:19:16,800 ...IT'S GOING TO BE PRETTY DEVASTATING TO ME. 1597 01:19:16,800 --> 01:19:20,800 AND MY FEAR IS THAT IT'S ALL OUT OF MY CONTROL AGAIN. 1598 01:19:23,067 --> 01:19:25,933 AND THERE'S NOTHING I'LL BE ABLE TO DO TO FIX IT. 1599 01:19:25,933 --> 01:19:26,833 ** 1600 01:19:33,333 --> 01:19:40,833 ** 1601 01:19:40,833 --> 01:19:48,367 ** 1602 01:19:48,367 --> 01:19:51,233 Alicia: I'M NERVOUS ABOUT MY WEIGH-IN TODAY. 1603 01:19:51,233 --> 01:19:55,867 I JUST HOPE MY PROGRESS IS AS MUCH AS I FEEL IT IS, 1604 01:19:55,867 --> 01:19:58,667 BUT YOU NEVER REALLY KNOW UNTIL YOU GET ON THAT SCALE. 1605 01:20:00,767 --> 01:20:01,900 Woman: 452. 1606 01:20:01,900 --> 01:20:03,533 -ALL RIGHT. HERE WE GO. -YEAH. 1607 01:20:03,533 --> 01:20:04,800 [ CHUCKLES ] 1608 01:20:04,800 --> 01:20:06,333 [ LAUGHS ] 1609 01:20:09,867 --> 01:20:12,567 OKAY. COME WITH ME. 1610 01:20:12,567 --> 01:20:14,767 I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS LOW IN A LONG TIME, 1611 01:20:14,767 --> 01:20:17,633 AND I'M JUST BEYOND EXCITED, 1612 01:20:17,633 --> 01:20:21,800 AND IT REALLY FEELS LIKE THIS IS THE START OF MY NEW LIFE. 1613 01:20:21,800 --> 01:20:24,300 ** 1614 01:20:24,300 --> 01:20:25,933 -HELLO. -HELLO. 1615 01:20:25,933 --> 01:20:27,800 -HOW Y'ALL DOING? -DOING GOOD. 1616 01:20:27,800 --> 01:20:28,933 HOW ARE YOU? 1617 01:20:28,933 --> 01:20:30,967 I AM DOING WELL, TOO. 1618 01:20:30,967 --> 01:20:36,100 SO, ALICIA, TODAY, YOU'RE DOWN TO 452, 1619 01:20:36,100 --> 01:20:40,033 AND THIS IS TOTAL OF 170-POUND WEIGHT LOSS. 1620 01:20:40,033 --> 01:20:42,300 -HOW DO YOU FEEL? -INCREDIBLE. 1621 01:20:42,300 --> 01:20:46,100 IT'S HARD TO EVEN PUT INTO WORDS THE DIFFERENCE THAT I FEEL NOW. 1622 01:20:46,100 --> 01:20:47,867 WELL, I'M PROUD OF YOU. 1623 01:20:47,867 --> 01:20:49,267 IF YOU STICK WITH IT, 1624 01:20:49,267 --> 01:20:52,633 THEN YOU'LL BE READY FOR SKIN REMOVAL SOON. 1625 01:20:52,633 --> 01:20:53,967 WOW. 1626 01:20:53,967 --> 01:20:56,700 AND THEN WE'LL HAVE YOU CLOSE TO YOUR TARGET WEIGHT 1627 01:20:56,700 --> 01:20:59,300 AND AROUND 150 POUNDS. 1628 01:20:59,300 --> 01:21:00,767 WOW. 1629 01:21:00,767 --> 01:21:04,100 AND, TIM, YOU'RE SUPPORTING HER LIKE SHE NEEDS, 1630 01:21:04,100 --> 01:21:06,333 SO I'M PROUD OF YOU BOTH. 1631 01:21:06,333 --> 01:21:08,333 GOOD WORK, AND I'LL SEE Y'ALL LATER. 1632 01:21:08,333 --> 01:21:09,667 THANK YOU SO MUCH. 1633 01:21:09,667 --> 01:21:11,767 -SEE Y'ALL LATER. -HAVE A GREAT NIGHT. 1634 01:21:11,767 --> 01:21:13,100 YOU TOO. 1635 01:21:13,100 --> 01:21:17,600 ** 1636 01:21:17,600 --> 01:21:20,200 Dr. Nowzaradan: ALICIA DIDN'T HAVE THE BEST START. 1637 01:21:20,200 --> 01:21:23,400 IT TOOK HER A LITTLE WHILE TO GET COMMITTED, 1638 01:21:23,400 --> 01:21:27,667 BUT WHEN SHE DID, SHE WORKED HARD AND STUCK WITH IT 1639 01:21:27,667 --> 01:21:32,900 AND HASN'T BEEN AFRAID TO DEAL WITH THE ISSUES SHE NEED. 1640 01:21:32,900 --> 01:21:36,567 SHE STILL HAS A WAYS TO GO, BUT RIGHT NOW, 1641 01:21:36,567 --> 01:21:39,100 I'M VERY HAPPY WITH HER PROGRESS 1642 01:21:39,100 --> 01:21:41,967 AND HOW SHE AND TIM ARE DOING 1643 01:21:41,967 --> 01:21:43,733 AND FEEL CONFIDENT 1644 01:21:43,733 --> 01:21:47,967 WE CAN GET HER TO HER TARGET WEIGHT THIS NEXT YEAR. 1645 01:21:47,967 --> 01:21:54,700 ** 1646 01:21:54,700 --> 01:22:01,467 ** 1647 01:22:01,467 --> 01:22:04,067 YOU LOOK GOOD. YOU LOOK GOOD WITH THAT, TOO. 1648 01:22:04,067 --> 01:22:06,167 MM, THANK YOU. 1649 01:22:06,167 --> 01:22:07,867 FEEL VERY HOLLYWOOD. 1650 01:22:07,867 --> 01:22:09,700 [ BOTH CHUCKLE ] 1651 01:22:09,700 --> 01:22:11,300 VERY GLAMOROUS. 1652 01:22:11,300 --> 01:22:12,633 MM-HMM. 1653 01:22:12,633 --> 01:22:14,867 -READY? -YEAH. 1654 01:22:14,867 --> 01:22:17,133 Alicia: TODAY, TIM AND I ARE GOING ON A DATE. 1655 01:22:17,133 --> 01:22:18,733 YEAH. 1656 01:22:18,733 --> 01:22:21,900 WE'VE BEEN GOING OUT MORE TOGETHER AND DOING A LOT MORE, 1657 01:22:21,900 --> 01:22:24,233 AND IT'S BEEN FUN. 1658 01:22:24,233 --> 01:22:28,267 I FEEL CLOSER TO TIM THAN I HAVE SINCE WE FIRST STARTED DATING. 1659 01:22:28,267 --> 01:22:30,067 I'LL GET THE DOOR FOR YOU, BEAUTIFUL. 1660 01:22:30,067 --> 01:22:33,300 OH, THANK YOU. 1661 01:22:33,300 --> 01:22:35,700 DR. NOW SAYS I SHOULD BE READY FOR SKIN REMOVAL 1662 01:22:35,700 --> 01:22:37,767 IN A COUPLE MONTHS, 1663 01:22:37,767 --> 01:22:41,167 AND THAT COULD TAKE OFF AS MUCH AS 40 POUNDS, 1664 01:22:41,167 --> 01:22:44,300 SO I'M EXCITED ABOUT THAT. 1665 01:22:44,300 --> 01:22:48,800 MY FUTURE AND TIM'S FUTURE ARE SO MUCH BRIGHTER NOW, 1666 01:22:48,800 --> 01:22:51,133 AND I'M THANKFUL FOR THE PAST YEAR 1667 01:22:51,133 --> 01:22:54,533 AND FOR ALL THE WAYS MY LIFE HAS CHANGED FOR THE BETTER, 1668 01:22:54,533 --> 01:22:59,867 AND AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, THERE'S NO GOING BACK. 1669 01:22:59,867 --> 01:23:01,833 WE'RE HEADED TO MARKET SQUARE PARK 1670 01:23:01,833 --> 01:23:04,833 TO ENJOY SOME OF THE LIGHTS THAT THEY HAVE DISPLAYED 1671 01:23:04,833 --> 01:23:08,400 AND ENJOY A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT WITH MY SWEETHEART. 1672 01:23:08,400 --> 01:23:10,867 -ISN'T THAT A SPOT? -MM-HMM. 1673 01:23:10,867 --> 01:23:13,233 ** 1674 01:23:13,233 --> 01:23:14,733 THIS OUGHT TO BE GOOD. 1675 01:23:14,733 --> 01:23:19,267 ** 1676 01:23:19,267 --> 01:23:20,767 IF I HAD KEPT GOING DOWN THE ROAD 1677 01:23:20,767 --> 01:23:23,067 OF SELF-DESTRUCTION THAT I WAS ON, 1678 01:23:23,067 --> 01:23:26,800 I REALLY THINK I WOULD'VE LOST TIM. 1679 01:23:26,800 --> 01:23:29,067 I WAS LETTING MY RELATIONSHIP WITH TIM 1680 01:23:29,067 --> 01:23:33,633 CONTINUE TO BE OVERSHADOWED BY MY RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD, 1681 01:23:33,633 --> 01:23:36,467 BUT THE TRUTH IS, TIM HAS BEEN BY MY SIDE 1682 01:23:36,467 --> 01:23:39,767 SUPPORTING ME THIS ENTIRE TIME. 1683 01:23:39,767 --> 01:23:41,700 WANT TO GET A PICTURE OF ME SMELLING THE ROSES? 1684 01:23:41,700 --> 01:23:42,633 SURE. 1685 01:23:42,633 --> 01:23:43,967 [ LAUGHS ] 1686 01:23:43,967 --> 01:23:46,967 ** 1687 01:23:46,967 --> 01:23:50,067 I'VE REALLY LEARNED TO VALUE THE TIME I GET TO SPEND WITH HIM, 1688 01:23:50,067 --> 01:23:52,367 AND THE FACT THAT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO REVOLVE AROUND FOOD 1689 01:23:52,367 --> 01:23:56,067 OR STAYING AT HOME IS REFRESHING. 1690 01:23:56,067 --> 01:23:57,733 RIGHT THERE. 1691 01:23:57,733 --> 01:24:00,667 I KNOW THERE ARE MORE EMOTIONAL ISSUES THAT WILL COME UP, 1692 01:24:00,667 --> 01:24:02,267 BUT I'M COMMITTED TO DEAL WITH THOSE 1693 01:24:02,267 --> 01:24:03,967 AND NOT RUN FROM THEM. 1694 01:24:03,967 --> 01:24:05,133 NICE. 1695 01:24:05,133 --> 01:24:06,767 OH, MAN, THAT'S A GREAT PICTURE, ISN'T IT? 1696 01:24:06,767 --> 01:24:09,100 I'M DEDICATED TO HITTING MY GOAL 1697 01:24:09,100 --> 01:24:13,333 AND HAVING THE LIFE ME AND TIM DESERVE AND HAVE WANTED, 1698 01:24:13,333 --> 01:24:15,567 AND MAYBE SOMEDAY SOON, 1699 01:24:15,567 --> 01:24:18,233 WE CAN FINALLY WALK DOWN THE AISLE 1700 01:24:18,233 --> 01:24:20,067 AND THAT WE'LL BOTH BE READY FOR THAT 1701 01:24:20,067 --> 01:24:22,133 BECAUSE WE'RE IN A BETTER PLACE. 1702 01:24:22,133 --> 01:24:24,700 WOULD YOU LIKE SOMETHING HOT TO DRINK? 1703 01:24:24,700 --> 01:24:26,333 -YEAH. -HOT TEA OR SOMETHING? 1704 01:24:26,333 --> 01:24:28,267 WHAT DO I GET? 1705 01:24:28,267 --> 01:24:29,833 I'D LOVE IF YOU'D SEE IF THEY HAVE, LIKE, 1706 01:24:29,833 --> 01:24:32,067 A SUGAR-FREE HOT CHOCOLATE. 1707 01:24:32,067 --> 01:24:33,367 -OKAY. -YEAH. 1708 01:24:33,367 --> 01:24:34,500 -YEAH. OKAY. -THANK YOU. 1709 01:24:34,500 --> 01:24:37,267 YEP. 1710 01:24:37,267 --> 01:24:40,633 I'M SO GRATEFUL FOR MY LIFE NOW, 1711 01:24:40,633 --> 01:24:43,967 AND I'M EXCITED ABOUT THE LIFE I HAVE AHEAD OF ME, 1712 01:24:43,967 --> 01:24:45,833 AND I'M NOT LETTING ANYTHING STOP ME 1713 01:24:45,833 --> 01:24:49,067 OR GET IN MY WAY OF GETTING TO WHERE I NEED TO BE. 1714 01:24:49,067 --> 01:24:52,533 ** 1715 01:24:52,533 --> 01:24:55,433 OH, THANK YOU, BABE. 1716 01:24:55,433 --> 01:24:57,300 YEAH. 1717 01:24:57,300 --> 01:25:02,067 YOU FEEL LIKE WE'RE IN, LIKE, A BETTER PLACE IN OUR RELATIONSHIP 1718 01:25:02,067 --> 01:25:04,100 THAN A YEAR AGO? 1719 01:25:04,100 --> 01:25:05,933 NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT. 1720 01:25:05,933 --> 01:25:09,067 I FEEL THAT, BUT I JUST WONDERED IF YOU DID, TOO. 1721 01:25:09,067 --> 01:25:10,967 WE'VE COME THIS FAR THIS YEAR. 1722 01:25:10,967 --> 01:25:13,100 I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHERE WE ARE NEXT YEAR, 1723 01:25:13,100 --> 01:25:16,200 KEEP GROWING AND BUILDING TOGETHER. 1724 01:25:16,200 --> 01:25:21,300 ALL I KNOW, BABE, IS I'M HERE FOR YOU FOR LIFELONG, 1725 01:25:21,300 --> 01:25:25,100 AND WE'LL COMMIT TO EACH OTHER IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY ONE DAY 1726 01:25:25,100 --> 01:25:28,067 AND MAKE SURE THE NEW YOU CAN STILL LOVE THE OLD ME. 1727 01:25:28,067 --> 01:25:30,767 [ BOTH CHUCKLE ] 1728 01:25:30,767 --> 01:25:31,967 I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.