Love at First Bite

1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 2 00:02:30,990 --> 00:02:32,575 Shh! 3 00:02:39,707 --> 00:02:41,292 Children of the night, 4 00:02:41,542 --> 00:02:42,585 shut up! 5 00:03:00,978 --> 00:03:03,272 Renfield! 6 00:03:03,522 --> 00:03:05,524 Renfield! 7 00:03:07,318 --> 00:03:08,694 Yes, master? 8 00:03:08,944 --> 00:03:10,905 I was getting the magazines, master. 9 00:03:11,155 --> 00:03:13,991 How many times do I have to tell you? Body temperature. 10 00:03:14,241 --> 00:03:16,077 Yes, master. 11 00:03:16,327 --> 00:03:19,830 Master, lots of ladies in the altogether for you to drool over. 12 00:03:22,291 --> 00:03:24,126 Trash. 13 00:03:24,377 --> 00:03:25,753 Filth! 14 00:03:28,506 --> 00:03:30,299 Pornographic. 15 00:03:31,342 --> 00:03:32,885 Where is my fashion magazine? 16 00:03:33,135 --> 00:03:35,971 Whatever master wants, master gets. 17 00:03:38,015 --> 00:03:39,767 Ahh. 18 00:03:40,017 --> 00:03:41,769 There she is. 19 00:03:42,019 --> 00:03:44,563 Cindy Sondheim. 20 00:03:44,814 --> 00:03:46,482 I tell you, Renfield, 21 00:03:46,732 --> 00:03:48,693 every time I see her, I'm more sure it's her. 22 00:03:48,943 --> 00:03:52,446 The only woman I have ever loved. 23 00:03:52,697 --> 00:03:54,824 Please, master, 24 00:03:55,074 --> 00:03:56,450 that's the same thing you said about 25 00:03:56,701 --> 00:03:58,953 the Countess de Montespan in 1672. 26 00:03:59,203 --> 00:04:01,122 That was sex, Renfield. 27 00:04:01,372 --> 00:04:02,540 This is love. 28 00:04:03,624 --> 00:04:05,501 This one has a soul. 29 00:04:05,751 --> 00:04:07,878 A very old soul. 30 00:04:08,129 --> 00:04:11,006 A soul I have known before. 31 00:04:11,257 --> 00:04:14,677 I bit her once in Warsaw in 13 hundred and... 32 00:04:16,637 --> 00:04:18,222 13 hundred and... 33 00:04:18,472 --> 00:04:20,015 Ren-- Renfield! 34 00:04:20,266 --> 00:04:22,017 56, master. 35 00:04:22,268 --> 00:04:25,438 Oh, yes. Yes. 1356. Warsaw. 36 00:04:25,688 --> 00:04:27,148 I bit her once. 37 00:04:28,190 --> 00:04:31,360 I met her again in England in 19 hundred and-- 38 00:04:31,610 --> 00:04:33,195 - 31. - 31! 39 00:04:35,114 --> 00:04:37,074 Two bites that time. 40 00:04:37,324 --> 00:04:40,536 I knew her as Mina Harker, 41 00:04:40,786 --> 00:04:43,706 but I lost her in that damn London fog. 42 00:04:43,956 --> 00:04:45,708 I'll never forget it, master. 43 00:04:45,958 --> 00:04:49,086 That was the time Dr. Van Helsing nearly got you. 44 00:04:49,336 --> 00:04:52,006 If it hadn't been for that cigarette case I gave you 45 00:04:52,256 --> 00:04:54,383 for your 650th birthday, 46 00:04:54,633 --> 00:04:58,512 he would have driven that stake right through your heart. 47 00:04:58,763 --> 00:05:01,515 - What? - He would have driven that stake 48 00:05:01,766 --> 00:05:03,684 right through your heart. 49 00:05:03,934 --> 00:05:05,102 So what do you want from me? 50 00:05:05,352 --> 00:05:07,062 - A medal? - Sorry, master. 51 00:05:10,149 --> 00:05:13,611 Miss Cindy and I are going down to the cellar to take a little nap. 52 00:05:13,861 --> 00:05:16,155 - Master, please be careful! - What is it? 53 00:05:16,405 --> 00:05:18,324 You nearly stepped on my dinner. 54 00:05:18,574 --> 00:05:20,242 Forgive me. 55 00:05:21,786 --> 00:05:23,412 Bon appétit. 56 00:05:23,662 --> 00:05:25,748 - Oh, Renfield. - Yes, master? 57 00:05:25,998 --> 00:05:28,709 Didn't mean to bother you while you're eating. 58 00:05:28,959 --> 00:05:30,795 When you're finished 59 00:05:31,045 --> 00:05:32,797 tidy up a bit. 60 00:05:33,047 --> 00:05:35,090 Certainly, master. 61 00:05:41,889 --> 00:05:45,059 "Cheating on your honeymoon can be fun." 62 00:05:46,101 --> 00:05:49,063 "How to get your gynecologist to tear up his bill 63 00:05:49,313 --> 00:05:51,982 by yelling 'rape' in the office." 64 00:05:52,233 --> 00:05:56,111 "The 10 best states to divorce your old man in." 65 00:05:56,362 --> 00:06:00,533 "Husband beating: 10 men tell why they like it." 66 00:06:00,783 --> 00:06:02,868 Sick, sick, sick. 67 00:06:03,118 --> 00:06:05,454 Cindy Sondheim. 68 00:06:05,704 --> 00:06:09,083 One day I will take you away from all of this. 69 00:06:12,211 --> 00:06:15,589 Master. Wake up, master. 70 00:06:16,924 --> 00:06:19,510 Master. Wake up, master. 71 00:06:22,096 --> 00:06:24,223 Master, there's someone at the door. 72 00:06:24,473 --> 00:06:27,393 They want to see you. I-- I think they're from the government. 73 00:06:29,353 --> 00:06:32,398 - How do you know? - They're wearing shoes. 74 00:06:32,648 --> 00:06:36,277 And therefore, by unanimous vote of the Central Committee, 75 00:06:36,527 --> 00:06:39,029 it has been decided to turn this castle 76 00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:42,199 into a training camp for our young athletes. 77 00:06:42,449 --> 00:06:46,453 You and your cockroach-eating friend over there 78 00:06:46,704 --> 00:06:49,123 have 48 hours to get out. 79 00:06:49,373 --> 00:06:52,293 Good evening, Comrade Count. 80 00:06:57,381 --> 00:06:59,425 Wait one minute! 81 00:07:01,886 --> 00:07:03,762 This is my home. 82 00:07:04,013 --> 00:07:06,140 My people cleared the land. 83 00:07:06,390 --> 00:07:08,642 We tortured innocent peasants for it. 84 00:07:08,893 --> 00:07:10,603 We even murdered for it. 85 00:07:10,853 --> 00:07:14,690 By Romanian law, that makes it ours. 86 00:07:14,940 --> 00:07:17,693 Now you listen to me, stupid. 87 00:07:18,819 --> 00:07:21,864 In 48 hours we'll be back here 88 00:07:22,114 --> 00:07:24,575 with trampolines, parallel bars, 89 00:07:24,825 --> 00:07:27,661 swings, and Nadia Comaneci. 90 00:07:27,912 --> 00:07:29,705 Don't be here. 91 00:07:29,955 --> 00:07:31,498 Don't be here? 92 00:07:32,958 --> 00:07:34,668 Where am I to go? 93 00:07:35,711 --> 00:07:38,547 You have a choice, Comrade Count. 94 00:07:38,797 --> 00:07:41,050 Either you spend the rest of your life 95 00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:43,552 in an efficiency apartment 96 00:07:43,802 --> 00:07:46,722 with seven dissidents and one toilet, 97 00:07:46,972 --> 00:07:52,019 or you gather your aristocratic shit together and split! 98 00:08:00,903 --> 00:08:03,364 Renfield! 99 00:08:03,614 --> 00:08:05,699 Yes, master? 100 00:08:05,950 --> 00:08:07,952 What is an efficiency apartment? 101 00:08:09,286 --> 00:08:11,580 I don't know, master. 102 00:08:11,830 --> 00:08:13,916 What's a toilet? 103 00:08:19,505 --> 00:08:20,839 Man: Monster! 104 00:08:21,090 --> 00:08:23,550 The horses are harnessed, master. It's time. 105 00:08:25,010 --> 00:08:27,388 So they've come to pay their respects, have they? 106 00:08:30,307 --> 00:08:32,101 Uh, well, not exactly, master. 107 00:08:32,351 --> 00:08:34,770 Perhaps it would be better if you left in your coffin. 108 00:08:35,020 --> 00:08:37,064 I could-- I could take it off the carriage. 109 00:08:43,445 --> 00:08:46,031 Me? Afraid of townspeople? 110 00:08:46,281 --> 00:08:48,200 A bunch of yokels? 111 00:08:50,244 --> 00:08:52,371 Come, Renfield. 112 00:08:52,621 --> 00:08:54,915 We will give them a run for their money. 113 00:09:19,606 --> 00:09:22,568 Man: Get your wolfsbane! 114 00:09:22,818 --> 00:09:24,945 Get your wolfsbane! 115 00:09:26,321 --> 00:09:27,823 Woman: Punch him in the face! 116 00:09:29,575 --> 00:09:32,161 Man: Yeah! Hang him by his heels! 117 00:09:33,203 --> 00:09:35,456 What do you want from him? Blood? 118 00:09:35,706 --> 00:09:37,583 Man: Yeah! 119 00:09:40,919 --> 00:09:43,380 Aah! You dirty bat! 120 00:09:43,630 --> 00:09:45,549 You bit my mother! 121 00:09:47,426 --> 00:09:50,846 - What is your name? - Alexei Rugalov. 122 00:09:53,015 --> 00:09:54,725 No, Alexei, 123 00:09:54,975 --> 00:09:57,728 I bit your mother and your grandmother. 124 00:10:18,749 --> 00:10:20,292 And you, my child, 125 00:10:20,542 --> 00:10:22,961 are you not afraid of Count Dracula? 126 00:10:27,049 --> 00:10:28,592 You see? 127 00:10:28,842 --> 00:10:31,845 Even a child knows. 128 00:10:32,096 --> 00:10:36,225 The wolf is a very misunderstood creature. 129 00:10:36,475 --> 00:10:39,478 He never kills for sport, 130 00:10:39,728 --> 00:10:41,271 only what is needed. 131 00:10:43,023 --> 00:10:46,527 And he always protects the young 132 00:10:47,653 --> 00:10:49,738 and devoted. 133 00:11:00,332 --> 00:11:02,334 Have your fun, 134 00:11:02,584 --> 00:11:05,295 but remember this, 135 00:11:05,546 --> 00:11:09,258 without me, Transylvania will be as exciting as... 136 00:11:09,508 --> 00:11:12,302 Bucharest on a Monday night. 137 00:11:51,842 --> 00:11:54,428 Pardon me, would you like chicken Kiev, Chateaubriand 138 00:11:54,678 --> 00:11:56,513 or veal cutlet Florentine for lunch? 139 00:11:56,763 --> 00:11:59,349 Everything you mentioned is dead. 140 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:02,477 Don't you have anything that's alive and kicking? 141 00:12:02,728 --> 00:12:05,856 I'll have the chicken Kiev, Miss. 142 00:12:06,106 --> 00:12:08,609 Oh, why don't you bring a nice juicy mouse 143 00:12:08,859 --> 00:12:10,360 for little Salome here? 144 00:12:10,611 --> 00:12:13,322 - Could I have one, too? 145 00:12:14,781 --> 00:12:16,325 That's funny. 146 00:12:23,165 --> 00:12:25,375 Dracula: American slang... 147 00:12:25,626 --> 00:12:27,377 "Putting on the Ritz," 148 00:12:27,628 --> 00:12:29,254 getting dressed up. 149 00:12:29,504 --> 00:12:31,715 "Flapper," a girl. 150 00:12:31,965 --> 00:12:34,593 "Hotsy-totsy," "Boop-Oop-a-Doo." 151 00:12:34,843 --> 00:12:36,762 "Red hot mama"? 152 00:12:37,012 --> 00:12:39,431 "23 skidoo"? What is this? 153 00:12:42,768 --> 00:12:45,771 Copyright 1926? 154 00:12:46,021 --> 00:12:49,983 Renfield, you bungling moron. This book is as out of date as... 155 00:12:50,234 --> 00:12:51,401 I am. 156 00:13:09,836 --> 00:13:11,797 Woman on PA: Passengers from flight 330, 157 00:13:12,047 --> 00:13:14,383 please board immediately at gate five. 158 00:13:17,970 --> 00:13:19,596 All right, what do you got? 159 00:13:19,846 --> 00:13:22,349 Nothing. Just a sitar I bought in Bangladesh. 160 00:13:22,599 --> 00:13:25,143 - Bangladesh. - Yeah. 161 00:13:25,394 --> 00:13:26,561 Okay, strip him down. 162 00:13:26,812 --> 00:13:28,772 Look in his eyes, look in his ears, look in his nose, 163 00:13:29,022 --> 00:13:31,817 and have him bend over and touch his toes and look up there. 164 00:13:32,067 --> 00:13:33,777 Lousy hippies! 165 00:13:34,027 --> 00:13:36,113 What do you got to declare over a 100 bucks? 166 00:13:36,363 --> 00:13:37,739 Well, nothing, sir. 167 00:13:37,990 --> 00:13:40,284 Oh, yeah? Then what's in there? 168 00:13:40,534 --> 00:13:43,495 All that's left of my father. 169 00:13:43,745 --> 00:13:46,665 I'm bringing him home so I can bury him next to my mother. 170 00:13:46,915 --> 00:13:48,292 That's his passport right there. 171 00:13:48,542 --> 00:13:50,043 What did he die of? 172 00:13:50,294 --> 00:13:53,130 He was half eaten by a lion 173 00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:55,465 while he was on safari in Africa. 174 00:13:55,716 --> 00:13:58,343 What was left, the vultures got at. Would you like to see? 175 00:13:58,593 --> 00:14:02,848 They chewed away his eyes and his nose and his mouth, 176 00:14:03,098 --> 00:14:06,226 but you can still identify him. He's in three rather large pieces. 177 00:14:10,272 --> 00:14:11,815 Get outta here. 178 00:14:13,817 --> 00:14:14,985 Next. 179 00:14:21,241 --> 00:14:25,329 Alvin, I told you to go find your roots, 180 00:14:25,579 --> 00:14:29,041 but who told you to drink the water? 181 00:14:32,044 --> 00:14:34,546 Woman on PA: Passengers for flight 330, 182 00:14:34,796 --> 00:14:37,716 please board immediately at gate five. 183 00:14:37,966 --> 00:14:42,346 Woman #2 on PA: Flight 217, now boarding at gate nine. 184 00:14:42,596 --> 00:14:45,265 Sir, would you like limo service to New York? 185 00:14:45,515 --> 00:14:49,353 - Oh, thank you very much. - And for you only, uh, $25. 186 00:14:49,603 --> 00:14:51,688 Hey, pal, why pay a limo to carry this thing? 187 00:14:51,938 --> 00:14:55,108 I got a private car. Air conditioning, 10 bucks flat. 188 00:14:55,359 --> 00:14:57,444 No tip. What do you say? Huh? 189 00:14:57,694 --> 00:14:59,946 Master, there's a gentlemen here that says he'll take us 190 00:15:00,197 --> 00:15:01,365 into town for $10. 191 00:15:01,615 --> 00:15:04,493 Master, what should I do? 192 00:15:04,743 --> 00:15:06,995 All right, enough with the number already. 193 00:15:07,245 --> 00:15:10,248 $7.50, but you carry the master. 194 00:15:10,499 --> 00:15:12,459 I always do. 195 00:15:15,295 --> 00:15:17,839 Come along now, master. 196 00:15:37,567 --> 00:15:41,238 - I knew brother Alvin 197 00:15:41,488 --> 00:15:43,281 and he was a swinger! 198 00:15:47,619 --> 00:15:50,205 He loved his booze. 199 00:15:52,165 --> 00:15:53,667 He loved his women. 200 00:15:53,917 --> 00:15:56,753 Yeah, and my wife, too. 201 00:15:57,003 --> 00:16:01,675 But most of all he loved his Cadillac Seville 202 00:16:01,925 --> 00:16:04,511 and it's a beaut. 203 00:16:04,761 --> 00:16:07,639 I know because he left it to me, hallelujah! 204 00:16:10,058 --> 00:16:13,395 - Man: Praise the Lord! - I showed him how God 205 00:16:13,645 --> 00:16:16,189 wanted him to have a swell time while he was alive. 206 00:16:18,358 --> 00:16:20,944 Because brother and sisters, 207 00:16:21,194 --> 00:16:23,447 when you is gone, 208 00:16:23,697 --> 00:16:25,365 you is gone. 209 00:16:25,615 --> 00:16:28,243 And ain't way, no how, 210 00:16:28,493 --> 00:16:31,913 nobody's gonna bring you back here once you is dead. 211 00:16:38,086 --> 00:16:40,630 - Good evening. 212 00:16:45,469 --> 00:16:46,887 I am Count Dracula. 213 00:16:47,137 --> 00:16:48,889 I would like a large suite with a bed. 214 00:16:49,139 --> 00:16:52,267 - I have a reservation. 215 00:16:57,272 --> 00:17:00,192 This is not the lobby of the Plaza Hotel? 216 00:17:16,875 --> 00:17:19,920 Hey, you. What's shakin', honky? 217 00:17:20,962 --> 00:17:23,965 Good evening. Forgive me, but could you direct me 218 00:17:24,216 --> 00:17:25,967 to where I might find a taxi? 219 00:17:26,218 --> 00:17:29,012 There ain't none. They scared to come 220 00:17:29,262 --> 00:17:31,598 up here after dark... honky. 221 00:17:32,641 --> 00:17:36,811 A honky? I am not a honky. I am Romanian. 222 00:17:37,062 --> 00:17:40,440 You mean you was a Romanian, mother! 223 00:17:40,690 --> 00:17:42,859 Hey, man, did you see "Roots"? I wouldn't mess with him, 224 00:17:43,109 --> 00:17:44,569 his grandfather was a Watusi. 225 00:17:44,819 --> 00:17:47,656 A Watusi, a warrior. 226 00:17:47,906 --> 00:17:49,366 Now the time is late, 227 00:17:49,616 --> 00:17:52,619 the man is tall, but I gotta date 228 00:17:52,869 --> 00:17:55,747 so he must fall. 229 00:17:58,959 --> 00:18:00,627 Let me have the mother! 230 00:18:04,047 --> 00:18:07,092 It's Thanksgiving time, turkey. 231 00:18:18,603 --> 00:18:19,813 Uh... 232 00:18:20,063 --> 00:18:22,107 I-- I ain't with these guys. 233 00:18:22,357 --> 00:18:23,567 These brothers was just standin' here. 234 00:18:23,817 --> 00:18:26,653 Now, I know my way home so you don't have to show me. 235 00:18:35,453 --> 00:18:39,124 It's dudes like you that give the neighborhood a bad name. 236 00:18:40,250 --> 00:18:43,169 Voices on TV: Raid?! 237 00:18:43,420 --> 00:18:45,547 Announcer: Raid house and garden bug killer. 238 00:18:45,797 --> 00:18:48,967 Indoors or outdoors, Raid hunts bugs down like radar, 239 00:18:49,217 --> 00:18:51,011 and kills them dead. 240 00:18:51,261 --> 00:18:53,221 - I win! - You lose. 241 00:18:54,723 --> 00:18:56,600 - Announcer: Get Raid. 242 00:19:04,357 --> 00:19:06,401 Master! 243 00:19:06,651 --> 00:19:08,612 Happy to see you too, master. 244 00:19:11,448 --> 00:19:14,242 You psychotic, bungling moron! 245 00:19:15,285 --> 00:19:17,287 There is a dead Schwartz in there. 246 00:19:17,537 --> 00:19:20,457 - That's impossible. - Don't tell me impossible. Look! 247 00:19:20,707 --> 00:19:22,334 Go on, look for yourself. 248 00:19:25,420 --> 00:19:28,715 Maybe he's just a late sleeper. 249 00:19:29,883 --> 00:19:32,302 I'll have them get rid of it immediately, master. 250 00:19:32,552 --> 00:19:34,929 After that you'll arrange to get my coffin. 251 00:19:35,180 --> 00:19:36,473 Oh, yes, master. 252 00:19:36,723 --> 00:19:38,308 Then while I'm resting, 253 00:19:38,558 --> 00:19:40,435 you will go to make discrete inquiries 254 00:19:40,685 --> 00:19:42,937 as to the whereabouts of Miss Cindy. 255 00:19:43,188 --> 00:19:47,192 I bought an American suit so I'll look just like everyone else. 256 00:19:47,442 --> 00:19:49,861 I seriously doubt that, Renfield. 257 00:19:50,111 --> 00:19:51,613 Nevertheless... 258 00:19:53,490 --> 00:19:55,533 by the time I arise tomorrow evening 259 00:19:55,784 --> 00:19:58,411 the sun sets at-- at? 260 00:19:58,662 --> 00:20:00,914 7:52, master. 261 00:20:01,164 --> 00:20:05,835 By 7:53 I want to know where Cindy Sondheim lives. 262 00:20:06,086 --> 00:20:09,547 But not for long, right, master? 263 00:20:30,276 --> 00:20:32,070 You can go in now. 264 00:20:45,125 --> 00:20:47,877 Didn't I see him on "Fantasy Island"? 265 00:20:49,254 --> 00:20:52,841 Now you expect me to introduce my most successful model 266 00:20:53,091 --> 00:20:56,094 to your employer, this Count, uh... 267 00:20:56,344 --> 00:20:58,138 something-- what did you say his last name was? 268 00:20:58,388 --> 00:20:59,556 Dracula. 269 00:21:00,598 --> 00:21:02,559 - Count Dracula. Hmm. - Correct. 270 00:21:02,809 --> 00:21:05,228 - The Count Dracula? - Yes, yes. 271 00:21:09,107 --> 00:21:11,818 Bob Evans from Paramount sent you, didn't he? 272 00:21:12,068 --> 00:21:13,236 I mean, this is a joke, right? It's a gag? 273 00:21:13,486 --> 00:21:15,238 That crazy Bob, what a line. 274 00:21:15,488 --> 00:21:17,407 No, no, no. I'm not joking. 275 00:21:17,657 --> 00:21:21,453 My master would like very much to meet Miss Sondheim 276 00:21:21,703 --> 00:21:24,080 and I'm sure he would be willing to give you a commission, 277 00:21:24,330 --> 00:21:26,791 - if you could arrange it. - How much of a commission? 278 00:21:27,041 --> 00:21:29,335 He might make you a Colonel 279 00:21:29,586 --> 00:21:31,629 in the Royal Transylvanian Army. 280 00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:35,341 Um, that is, when the next free elections will be held. 281 00:21:37,218 --> 00:21:39,763 All right, you freak. You have 30 seconds to get yourself 282 00:21:40,013 --> 00:21:42,223 out of my office or I call the security guard. 283 00:21:42,474 --> 00:21:44,184 No. 284 00:21:44,434 --> 00:21:49,147 You have 30 seconds to tell me where Miss Sondheim is 285 00:21:49,397 --> 00:21:53,359 - or... - Or what? You'll eat your lunch in my office? 286 00:21:53,610 --> 00:21:57,363 No, my lunch will eat you. 287 00:22:06,581 --> 00:22:09,375 What is tha-- Oh, my good-- 288 00:22:09,626 --> 00:22:12,045 Aah! 289 00:22:12,295 --> 00:22:14,923 Tonight in Central Park. 290 00:22:15,173 --> 00:22:17,258 Nine o'clo-- 291 00:22:32,649 --> 00:22:34,526 Man: Good. Like that. 292 00:22:34,776 --> 00:22:36,152 Great. Like that. 293 00:22:36,402 --> 00:22:38,321 You're angry. Angry. 294 00:22:38,571 --> 00:22:41,032 You're not angry. You're happy. 295 00:22:41,282 --> 00:22:43,743 You're ex-- now you're angry. 296 00:22:45,036 --> 00:22:47,997 Smile. Smile. 297 00:22:48,248 --> 00:22:50,792 Beautiful. A little to the left. 298 00:22:51,042 --> 00:22:53,253 You got the dogs. 299 00:22:53,503 --> 00:22:55,171 That's cool. Smile. 300 00:23:33,376 --> 00:23:35,128 Come on, buddy. Step back. 301 00:23:35,378 --> 00:23:37,213 I've come a long way to see her. 302 00:23:37,463 --> 00:23:38,506 You and about a thousand other shmucks. 303 00:23:38,756 --> 00:23:40,049 Now, step back, buddy! 304 00:24:06,367 --> 00:24:07,994 What the fu-- 305 00:24:08,244 --> 00:24:10,038 - Hey! 306 00:24:13,625 --> 00:24:14,792 Get that dog! 307 00:24:24,010 --> 00:24:26,220 Come here. 308 00:24:28,348 --> 00:24:29,807 Okay, hold-- hold still, Cindy. 309 00:24:30,058 --> 00:24:31,225 He-- he's not gonna bite. 310 00:24:34,145 --> 00:24:36,064 Hi. What is your name? 311 00:24:36,314 --> 00:24:38,858 Stop that. That tickles. 312 00:24:39,108 --> 00:24:42,320 Would you stop that? Stop it. 313 00:24:42,570 --> 00:24:45,323 Stop it. Oh, you're cute. 314 00:24:45,573 --> 00:24:48,868 - Come on! - Hey, cute-- wait! Hey! Hey! 315 00:24:50,411 --> 00:24:53,998 Nobody pees on New York's finest! Right to the dog pound! 316 00:25:11,224 --> 00:25:15,061 Renfield, you will do two things in the morning. 317 00:25:15,311 --> 00:25:17,897 You will locate Miss Cindy Sondheim 318 00:25:18,147 --> 00:25:21,693 and you will go to Dunhill Tailors and buy me three new tailcoats. 319 00:25:21,943 --> 00:25:23,444 Yes, master. 320 00:25:23,695 --> 00:25:27,281 Better make that six. This city's like living in a jungle! 321 00:25:27,532 --> 00:25:29,993 They drove me too far tonight. 322 00:25:30,243 --> 00:25:33,371 Don't worry, master. I'm sure you'll meet her someday. 323 00:25:33,621 --> 00:25:35,748 It's not that. It's the $8 I had to pay 324 00:25:35,999 --> 00:25:38,501 for this lousy dog license to get out of there! 325 00:25:38,751 --> 00:25:40,837 I'm going out to get a bite to drink. 326 00:25:43,214 --> 00:25:44,966 If you're hungry, master, 327 00:25:45,216 --> 00:25:49,929 we could ring for the night maid. 328 00:25:59,981 --> 00:26:01,774 The roof, please. 329 00:26:34,182 --> 00:26:36,392 - Ooh, Morty. 330 00:26:36,642 --> 00:26:39,270 Oh, Morty. I love you! 331 00:26:42,482 --> 00:26:44,233 - Morty! - Yeah, honey? 332 00:26:44,484 --> 00:26:46,778 Honey, how many times do I have to tell you 333 00:26:47,028 --> 00:26:50,573 if you wanna do it, off with the cufflinks. 334 00:26:52,033 --> 00:26:53,993 Cufflinks? 335 00:26:54,243 --> 00:26:55,620 I'm not wearing any cufflinks. 336 00:26:55,870 --> 00:26:58,081 Well-- well, then what's that scratching my neck? 337 00:27:03,461 --> 00:27:06,047 - Morty! 338 00:27:09,425 --> 00:27:12,595 - Morty, what is it? - Ah, it's my first wife. 339 00:27:12,845 --> 00:27:15,389 I told ya, the check's in the mail! 340 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:19,519 - You frigid, skinny legged Yenta! 341 00:27:19,769 --> 00:27:21,687 That's it. That is it! 342 00:27:21,938 --> 00:27:24,816 No more Mr. Nice Guy! 343 00:27:25,066 --> 00:27:29,195 Why don't you go to work, old man? We have nothing to eat. 344 00:27:31,405 --> 00:27:33,116 We do now! Look, a chicken! 345 00:27:33,366 --> 00:27:35,243 - A black chicken! - Chicken! 346 00:27:36,869 --> 00:27:38,162 - Watch out. 347 00:27:38,412 --> 00:27:39,997 Boil the water! Boil the water! 348 00:27:43,209 --> 00:27:46,170 Oh, oh, come back, black chicken! 349 00:27:46,420 --> 00:27:48,256 Leave us an egg or something. 350 00:27:48,506 --> 00:27:52,468 I like New York in June. 351 00:27:52,718 --> 00:27:56,347 How about you? 352 00:27:59,559 --> 00:28:02,520 Ha-ha, oh-- oh, yesterday dinosaurs 353 00:28:02,770 --> 00:28:06,440 and elephants, and now bats. Well, why not? 354 00:28:06,691 --> 00:28:09,485 Hi there, little fella. 355 00:28:11,988 --> 00:28:16,325 I like New York in June. 356 00:28:16,576 --> 00:28:19,579 How about you? 357 00:28:19,829 --> 00:28:22,707 I like a Gershwin tune... 358 00:28:22,957 --> 00:28:26,169 How about you? 359 00:28:35,303 --> 00:28:37,680 Are you all right, master? 360 00:28:37,930 --> 00:28:39,473 No, I'm not all right. 361 00:28:40,850 --> 00:28:43,436 What was that maniac drinking? 362 00:28:45,021 --> 00:28:47,815 Tastes like the Voga River at low tide. 363 00:28:49,192 --> 00:28:52,028 Let me help you out, master. You'll be all right in a moment. 364 00:28:52,278 --> 00:28:56,240 No, no, Renfield. I am finished. I'm through. 365 00:28:56,490 --> 00:29:00,161 I couldn't even scare a field mouse at 20 meters. 366 00:29:00,411 --> 00:29:04,373 In a city where taxi cab drivers live in little cages, 367 00:29:04,624 --> 00:29:06,500 who's afraid of a bat anymore? 368 00:29:06,751 --> 00:29:08,211 Here, let me help you. 369 00:29:08,461 --> 00:29:11,547 I'm not even a bat. I'm a black chicken. 370 00:29:11,797 --> 00:29:14,675 I'm a Yenta with skinny legs. 371 00:29:14,926 --> 00:29:17,511 Take your hands off me, you myopic dwarf. 372 00:29:19,430 --> 00:29:21,432 No, Renfield, I am finished. 373 00:29:21,682 --> 00:29:23,142 Over. I'm a has-been. 374 00:29:23,392 --> 00:29:26,687 - O-v-e-r. - But, master, you're Dracula, son of Dracul. 375 00:29:26,938 --> 00:29:29,190 You've been the reigning prince of darkness 376 00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:31,859 for over 700 glorious years! 377 00:29:32,109 --> 00:29:36,489 700 lonely years, Renfield. 378 00:29:36,739 --> 00:29:39,450 Lonely, master? Lonely? 379 00:29:39,700 --> 00:29:42,662 But I thought you were happy living-- 380 00:29:42,912 --> 00:29:44,956 I mean, dying-- 381 00:29:45,206 --> 00:29:49,627 I mean, existing all those years. I-- I thought you were having fun. 382 00:29:49,877 --> 00:29:51,295 Fun? 383 00:29:51,545 --> 00:29:54,048 How would you like to go around dressed like a head waiter 384 00:29:54,298 --> 00:29:56,801 for the last 700 years? 385 00:29:57,051 --> 00:29:59,887 Just once I'd like to go to dinner dressed in a... 386 00:30:00,137 --> 00:30:02,348 turtleneck and a sports jacket. 387 00:30:03,933 --> 00:30:05,559 Happy? 388 00:30:05,810 --> 00:30:09,563 How would you like to dine on nothing but a warm, liquid protein diet 389 00:30:09,814 --> 00:30:11,774 while all around you people are eating 390 00:30:12,024 --> 00:30:15,736 Iamb chops, potato chips, 391 00:30:15,987 --> 00:30:17,613 Mallomars, 392 00:30:17,863 --> 00:30:21,534 Chivas Regal on the rocks with a twist. 393 00:30:23,536 --> 00:30:26,664 How would you like to not have Christmas presents, 394 00:30:26,914 --> 00:30:29,375 Easter egg hunts, 395 00:30:29,625 --> 00:30:31,794 garlic toast? 396 00:30:33,004 --> 00:30:35,631 No, Renfield. Help me back in the coffin. 397 00:30:35,881 --> 00:30:37,800 I am not going out tonight or any other night. 398 00:30:38,050 --> 00:30:39,802 - Oh, yes, you are. - Oh, no, I am not. 399 00:30:40,052 --> 00:30:42,888 - Oh, yes, you are. - Oh, yes, I am what, you idiot? 400 00:30:43,139 --> 00:30:44,807 Going out tonight, master. 401 00:30:45,057 --> 00:30:48,060 Dun, dun, dun, dun. 402 00:30:48,311 --> 00:30:51,397 - What is that? Another little bug? 403 00:30:51,647 --> 00:30:53,649 This is where she is tonight. 404 00:30:53,899 --> 00:30:56,569 This is where she is every night. 405 00:30:58,362 --> 00:31:01,949 You got this from the head of the modeling agency, Renfield? 406 00:31:02,992 --> 00:31:04,869 I got this from her secretary 407 00:31:05,119 --> 00:31:07,788 when I showed up at noontime with my lunch pail. 408 00:31:09,915 --> 00:31:12,626 - Another snake, Renfield? - No, master. 409 00:31:12,877 --> 00:31:16,088 - A scorpion, perhaps? - No. Better, master. 410 00:31:16,339 --> 00:31:19,342 What could be better than a scorpion, Renfield? 411 00:31:19,592 --> 00:31:23,429 Six black widow spiders, 12 fat earthworms, 412 00:31:23,679 --> 00:31:26,098 two hairy caterpillars on Rye bread 413 00:31:26,349 --> 00:31:29,685 with a slice of onion. A triple decker! 414 00:31:32,313 --> 00:31:34,774 - Was it something I said, master? 415 00:31:40,112 --> 00:31:43,532 - Are you a member? - I am looking for somebody. 416 00:31:43,783 --> 00:31:45,034 Aren't we all? 417 00:31:45,284 --> 00:31:47,870 Dancin', dancin' through the night 418 00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:52,208 Dancin', dancin', dancin' through the night 419 00:31:52,458 --> 00:31:56,337 Dancin', dancin', dancin' through the night 420 00:31:56,587 --> 00:31:59,590 Dancin', dancin', dancin' through the night 421 00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:04,804 Dancin', dancin', dancin' through the night 422 00:32:46,345 --> 00:32:49,723 Dancin', dancin', dancin' through the night 423 00:32:50,766 --> 00:32:54,228 Dancin', dancin', dancin' through the night 424 00:32:54,478 --> 00:32:58,691 Dancin', dancin', dancin' through the night 425 00:32:58,941 --> 00:33:02,820 Dancin', dancin', dancin' through the night 426 00:33:03,070 --> 00:33:05,865 Dancin', dancin', dancin' through the night... 427 00:33:06,115 --> 00:33:09,243 I'm telling you, Lisa, he did a complete dump on her. 428 00:33:09,493 --> 00:33:11,745 Good evening. Permit me to-- 429 00:33:11,996 --> 00:33:13,956 Oh, no, thank you. I already ordered. 430 00:33:14,206 --> 00:33:16,459 She put him through four years of medical school, 431 00:33:16,709 --> 00:33:18,294 two years of residency, and a year of internship, 432 00:33:18,544 --> 00:33:20,546 and now he won't even take her calls. 433 00:33:20,796 --> 00:33:22,298 I'm telling you, my way is better. 434 00:33:22,548 --> 00:33:23,757 You meet him, if you dig him, you ball him once 435 00:33:24,008 --> 00:33:25,509 and then adios, muchacho. 436 00:33:26,927 --> 00:33:28,971 - Lisa? 437 00:33:30,723 --> 00:33:32,308 Lisa? 438 00:33:33,392 --> 00:33:35,686 I am not a waiter. 439 00:33:35,936 --> 00:33:39,273 I am an admirer. 440 00:33:39,523 --> 00:33:40,900 Permit me to. 441 00:33:41,150 --> 00:33:42,818 Go ahead, have a seat. 442 00:33:47,531 --> 00:33:49,658 Don't tell me, let me guess. Let's see. 443 00:33:49,909 --> 00:33:51,577 You are either a magician 444 00:33:51,827 --> 00:33:53,996 or you're into handwriting analysis, right? 445 00:33:55,039 --> 00:33:59,210 Neither. I've adored you from afar, Cindy Sondheim. 446 00:33:59,460 --> 00:34:01,378 How did you know my name? 447 00:34:01,629 --> 00:34:04,798 How does one know the wind's name is Mariah? 448 00:34:05,841 --> 00:34:07,384 You're weird, you know that? 449 00:34:07,635 --> 00:34:11,764 Look into my eyes and tell me what you see. 450 00:34:12,014 --> 00:34:14,725 Um, they're bloodshot 451 00:34:14,975 --> 00:34:16,810 and you had too much to drink last night. 452 00:34:17,061 --> 00:34:18,812 What else? 453 00:34:19,063 --> 00:34:21,732 I don't know. You tell me. 454 00:34:21,982 --> 00:34:23,567 Love. 455 00:34:25,861 --> 00:34:27,488 I love you 456 00:34:27,738 --> 00:34:30,199 and I can give you eternal life. 457 00:34:30,449 --> 00:34:32,743 Shit, I knew it. An insurance salesman. 458 00:34:32,993 --> 00:34:34,286 I've already got Prudential. 459 00:34:34,537 --> 00:34:37,957 I am Count Vladimir Dracula. I do not sell life insurance. 460 00:34:38,207 --> 00:34:39,583 All right! Don't get so hostile on me. 461 00:34:39,833 --> 00:34:41,377 You walk over here and you start to tell me you love me. 462 00:34:41,627 --> 00:34:43,212 I mean, how could you possibly love me? You don't even know me. 463 00:34:43,462 --> 00:34:45,214 Maybe the only thing you know about me is maybe you know 464 00:34:45,464 --> 00:34:47,383 that I don't wanna get married or something like that. 465 00:34:47,633 --> 00:34:50,928 I know many things about you. 466 00:34:51,178 --> 00:34:53,305 Secret things. 467 00:34:54,348 --> 00:34:55,808 Oh, really? 468 00:34:57,685 --> 00:34:59,311 Like what? 469 00:34:59,562 --> 00:35:01,522 Like... 470 00:35:01,772 --> 00:35:04,525 you enjoy having your ankles licked. 471 00:35:06,485 --> 00:35:08,070 Um... 472 00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:09,697 listen, uh... 473 00:35:11,031 --> 00:35:14,368 Maybe we could go back to my place or your place. 474 00:35:14,618 --> 00:35:16,287 Whichever. 475 00:35:16,537 --> 00:35:18,372 I can't believe I said that. 476 00:35:47,776 --> 00:35:49,820 I love the night life 477 00:35:50,070 --> 00:35:51,697 I've got to boogie 478 00:35:51,947 --> 00:35:54,742 On the disco 'round 479 00:35:54,992 --> 00:35:56,493 Oh, yeah 480 00:35:56,744 --> 00:35:59,246 Oh, I love the night life 481 00:35:59,496 --> 00:36:00,914 I've got to boogie 482 00:36:01,165 --> 00:36:04,043 On the disco 'round 483 00:36:04,293 --> 00:36:05,919 Oh, yeah 484 00:36:08,505 --> 00:36:12,009 Please don't talk about love tonight 485 00:36:12,259 --> 00:36:15,971 Please don't talk about sweet love 486 00:36:16,221 --> 00:36:19,433 Please don't talk about being true 487 00:36:19,683 --> 00:36:22,978 And all the trouble we've been through 488 00:36:23,228 --> 00:36:26,857 Ah, please don't talk about all of the plans 489 00:36:27,107 --> 00:36:30,903 We had for fixin' this broken romance 490 00:36:31,153 --> 00:36:34,239 I want to go where the people dance 491 00:36:34,490 --> 00:36:38,619 I want some action, I want to live 492 00:36:38,869 --> 00:36:42,373 Action, I got so much to give 493 00:36:42,623 --> 00:36:46,627 I want to give it, I want to get some, too 494 00:36:46,877 --> 00:36:48,170 Ooh, I-- I... 495 00:36:48,420 --> 00:36:49,880 Oh, I... 496 00:36:50,130 --> 00:36:51,674 I love the night life 497 00:36:51,924 --> 00:36:53,717 I've got to boogie 498 00:36:53,967 --> 00:36:58,389 On the disco 'round, oh, yeah 499 00:36:58,639 --> 00:37:01,100 Oh, I love the night life 500 00:37:01,350 --> 00:37:03,477 I've got to boogie 501 00:37:03,727 --> 00:37:07,856 On the disco 'round, oh, yeah 502 00:37:08,107 --> 00:37:10,734 Oh, I love the night life 503 00:37:10,984 --> 00:37:12,736 I've got to boogie 504 00:37:12,986 --> 00:37:14,154 On the disco 'round. 505 00:37:14,405 --> 00:37:16,657 Hey. Come on in. 506 00:37:20,911 --> 00:37:22,413 Can I get you anything? 507 00:37:22,663 --> 00:37:25,666 - A broom, perhaps. - Oh, uh-- 508 00:37:25,916 --> 00:37:27,376 Well, I hate housework. It killed my mother. 509 00:37:27,626 --> 00:37:29,086 I'll see you in a minute. I'll be right back. 510 00:37:30,462 --> 00:37:32,423 Make yourself comfortable. 511 00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:12,379 Room 903, please. 512 00:38:13,422 --> 00:38:14,882 Renfield, 513 00:38:15,132 --> 00:38:17,259 what time does the sun rise in the morning? 514 00:38:18,302 --> 00:38:20,137 6:48? 515 00:38:20,387 --> 00:38:23,557 Renfield, I want you to call me at 6:00. 516 00:38:23,807 --> 00:38:25,392 Yes, a wakeup call. 517 00:38:44,369 --> 00:38:46,830 Et voilá. 518 00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:49,458 Well, what do you think of the real me? 519 00:38:55,339 --> 00:38:56,340 I'll be right out there. 520 00:38:56,590 --> 00:38:58,133 I've got just the thing to put us in the mood. 521 00:38:58,383 --> 00:39:00,302 Hold on. Don't go anywhere. 522 00:39:01,637 --> 00:39:03,472 - Oh, so that's where you've been 523 00:39:03,722 --> 00:39:04,765 for the last two days. 524 00:39:05,015 --> 00:39:07,518 And I thought you were lost, you little devil. 525 00:39:07,768 --> 00:39:09,269 There you go. 526 00:39:58,235 --> 00:39:59,361 Cindy: Hi. 527 00:40:00,737 --> 00:40:03,991 - Hi. - I got us some champagne 528 00:40:04,241 --> 00:40:07,119 and a little Maui Wowie-- really heavy shit. 529 00:40:07,369 --> 00:40:11,039 - I do not drink wine. - Oh. 530 00:40:11,290 --> 00:40:14,459 - And I do not smoke shit. - Oh. 531 00:40:17,629 --> 00:40:20,007 So much for that. 532 00:40:20,257 --> 00:40:22,342 Oh, how sweet. 533 00:40:22,593 --> 00:40:23,969 I've got just the thing for you. 534 00:40:24,219 --> 00:40:26,013 We get you a half a lude, a Perrier water, 535 00:40:26,263 --> 00:40:27,472 a twist of lime, and a Perc chaser. 536 00:40:27,723 --> 00:40:29,099 Perfect, I'll be right back. 537 00:40:34,313 --> 00:40:37,608 Um, there's just one thing I wanna tell you before we do it. 538 00:40:49,411 --> 00:40:51,663 This is purely physical. 539 00:40:51,914 --> 00:40:54,207 I mean, I-- I-- you know, I don't expect to see you after tonight 540 00:40:54,458 --> 00:40:56,877 and you are not obliged to call me. There's no commitment. 541 00:40:57,961 --> 00:40:59,963 - Are you listening to me? - No. 542 00:41:00,213 --> 00:41:01,423 Why not? 543 00:41:01,673 --> 00:41:03,300 Because you're saying anything we want to hear. 544 00:41:03,550 --> 00:41:04,718 I don't know what you mean. 545 00:41:05,802 --> 00:41:08,847 - I'm just trying to be honest. - Don't be honest. 546 00:41:09,097 --> 00:41:10,432 What should I be? 547 00:41:11,475 --> 00:41:12,726 Be beautiful. 548 00:41:14,227 --> 00:41:15,437 Be romantic. 549 00:41:17,314 --> 00:41:19,358 - Be mine. - Oh, there's just one more thing 550 00:41:19,608 --> 00:41:21,360 I did wanna tell you. I'm not on the pill. 551 00:41:21,610 --> 00:41:23,946 They were giving me migraines, but I'm all right. 552 00:41:24,196 --> 00:41:26,156 I mean, I'll be all right from the 14th to the 19th 553 00:41:26,406 --> 00:41:28,492 and today's the 16th, right? 554 00:41:28,742 --> 00:41:32,245 Is it the 16th? I'm not sure if it's the 16th. 555 00:41:33,288 --> 00:41:34,498 What are you doing? 556 00:41:35,540 --> 00:41:38,460 Oh, that's so kinky. Are you biting me? 557 00:41:51,598 --> 00:41:54,559 I don't know, Jeffery. 558 00:41:54,810 --> 00:41:57,354 It just wasn't like what we have. 559 00:41:57,604 --> 00:42:01,566 You mean dinner, the movies, occasional sex to relieve anxieties? 560 00:42:01,817 --> 00:42:04,194 - More than that? - More, it was-- 561 00:42:04,444 --> 00:42:07,322 it was wild, he was crazy! 562 00:42:07,572 --> 00:42:09,574 It was just the-- 563 00:42:09,825 --> 00:42:12,077 It was the most unbelievable 564 00:42:12,327 --> 00:42:15,080 sexual fulfillment I've ever experienced. 565 00:42:16,873 --> 00:42:17,916 Why don't you come to the office next Monday? 566 00:42:18,166 --> 00:42:19,418 I'll give you a shot of Penicillin. 567 00:42:19,668 --> 00:42:22,337 Oh, don't be snide, Jeffery. I wanna get to the bottom of this. 568 00:42:22,587 --> 00:42:24,548 - I really do. - All right, let's analyze this. 569 00:42:24,798 --> 00:42:27,092 - That's what I'm here for. - That's right. 570 00:42:27,342 --> 00:42:29,177 Let's see. 571 00:42:29,428 --> 00:42:32,264 The first time this happened, you blamed it on low blood sugar. 572 00:42:32,514 --> 00:42:35,976 The glucose tolerance test, which... 573 00:42:36,226 --> 00:42:39,187 which I paid for, proved negative. 574 00:42:39,438 --> 00:42:41,440 The time before that, you said you were having 575 00:42:41,690 --> 00:42:44,192 a double crisis day according to your biorhythm chart. 576 00:42:44,443 --> 00:42:46,153 - Well, I was. - You were, huh? 577 00:42:46,403 --> 00:42:47,863 - Mm-hmm. - No, no. 578 00:42:48,113 --> 00:42:51,366 Last night you were on a definite optimistic upswing. 579 00:42:51,616 --> 00:42:53,618 - That's true. - So much for that bullshit. 580 00:42:53,869 --> 00:42:55,871 Doctor, I think you're losing your objectivity. 581 00:42:56,121 --> 00:42:57,372 - Oh, really? - Yes. 582 00:42:57,622 --> 00:42:59,499 Moving right along. The time before that 583 00:42:59,750 --> 00:43:02,252 you claimed the CIA had planted a mind-bending drug 584 00:43:02,502 --> 00:43:04,296 - in your feminine hygiene spray. - Well... 585 00:43:04,546 --> 00:43:05,797 But we checked it out. 586 00:43:06,048 --> 00:43:07,924 They never heard of you! 587 00:43:08,175 --> 00:43:10,844 So, what's left? 588 00:43:11,094 --> 00:43:15,474 What is it that causes you to behave with such rampant promiscuity? 589 00:43:15,724 --> 00:43:17,517 Little Miss... 590 00:43:17,768 --> 00:43:18,935 Hot Pants? 591 00:43:22,230 --> 00:43:23,648 Oh, it couldn't be that. 592 00:43:23,899 --> 00:43:25,442 What, Jeffery? 593 00:43:25,692 --> 00:43:27,527 Spit it out. Just say it! 594 00:43:27,778 --> 00:43:32,532 Well, either you're angry with me because of my ambivalence 595 00:43:32,783 --> 00:43:36,828 about committing to a definitive relationship after nine years, 596 00:43:37,079 --> 00:43:40,457 or it's, uh-- and this is probably the, 597 00:43:40,707 --> 00:43:44,294 uh, the case here-- Uh, it's a, uh, fantasy. 598 00:43:44,544 --> 00:43:45,837 - A fantasy? - Yeah. 599 00:43:46,088 --> 00:43:47,839 - You call this a fantasy? - Mm-hmm. 600 00:43:48,090 --> 00:43:51,009 Did you ever see a dynamite hickey like that before? 601 00:43:54,221 --> 00:43:55,639 Well? 602 00:43:59,101 --> 00:44:02,270 - Oh, my God. - What? 603 00:44:02,521 --> 00:44:05,273 - No. - What? 604 00:44:05,524 --> 00:44:07,776 - No, it can't be. - It can't be what? 605 00:44:08,026 --> 00:44:11,571 - Dracula. - How did you know his name? 606 00:44:11,822 --> 00:44:14,616 - Dracula, alive? - Of course he's alive, 607 00:44:14,866 --> 00:44:16,535 I told you I was just with him last night. 608 00:44:16,785 --> 00:44:18,662 - Cindy. - What? 609 00:44:18,912 --> 00:44:22,165 Darling, you met him a long time ago. 610 00:44:22,415 --> 00:44:25,669 You were a little girl. He was a very great man. 611 00:44:25,919 --> 00:44:27,712 - Count Dracula? - No, no. 612 00:44:27,963 --> 00:44:30,757 My grandfather, Dr. Fritz Van Helsing. 613 00:44:31,007 --> 00:44:33,760 He was the first man to discover... 614 00:44:34,010 --> 00:44:36,429 the... the thing 615 00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:39,558 - you slept with last night. - Thing! Excuse me! 616 00:44:40,892 --> 00:44:44,229 Last night, tell me, how many times did he do it? 617 00:44:45,772 --> 00:44:49,985 Two and, uh, a half. 618 00:44:50,235 --> 00:44:52,279 - I fell asleep on him. - No, no. 619 00:44:52,529 --> 00:44:54,823 I mean how many times did he bite you? 620 00:44:55,073 --> 00:44:57,617 Oh, that. 621 00:44:59,119 --> 00:45:00,871 Just once. 622 00:45:01,121 --> 00:45:03,081 I told you, it was our first date. 623 00:45:03,331 --> 00:45:05,750 I was just-- I was just sitting there at the disco, 624 00:45:06,001 --> 00:45:07,836 - talking to Lisa on the phone, you know-- - Quiet, quiet! 625 00:45:10,672 --> 00:45:12,299 That was your first date 626 00:45:12,549 --> 00:45:14,926 - and your last date. - Don't be ridiculous. 627 00:45:15,177 --> 00:45:16,887 You're a jealous toad, Jeffery. 628 00:45:18,638 --> 00:45:20,557 Page 58. Yes. 629 00:45:20,807 --> 00:45:24,394 Here it is. Three bites from the vampire 630 00:45:24,644 --> 00:45:26,605 and the victim is doomed. 631 00:45:29,524 --> 00:45:33,737 Darling, if that monster bites you two more times, 632 00:45:33,987 --> 00:45:35,614 you will become a vampire. 633 00:45:35,864 --> 00:45:39,284 - A living corpse. - Look it, if last night was any indication 634 00:45:39,534 --> 00:45:42,787 of what it's like to be a corpse, it sure beats the hell outta living. 635 00:45:43,038 --> 00:45:45,790 - Cindy, I'm serious. - Jeff, you're crazy! 636 00:45:46,041 --> 00:45:48,418 Vampires in New York City in the 20th century? 637 00:45:48,668 --> 00:45:51,004 - Really. - Sweetheart. 638 00:45:51,254 --> 00:45:54,716 Darling, trust me. 639 00:45:54,966 --> 00:45:56,843 Your life is in danger. 640 00:45:57,093 --> 00:45:59,304 I almost love you. 641 00:45:59,554 --> 00:46:01,097 Can I just see him? 642 00:46:01,348 --> 00:46:02,766 Meet him with you, I mean? 643 00:46:03,016 --> 00:46:05,310 I don't know. 644 00:46:06,728 --> 00:46:09,522 All right, all right. He's meeting me for drinks at 8:00 645 00:46:09,773 --> 00:46:10,941 and then he's taking me for dinner. 646 00:46:11,191 --> 00:46:14,027 - Don't you screw it up. - No, thank you. Thank you. 647 00:46:15,320 --> 00:46:17,364 - Uh, oh. That's time. 648 00:46:17,614 --> 00:46:20,575 Oh, really, already? Gee, time goes so fast. 649 00:46:22,452 --> 00:46:24,287 Well, where's my lighter? 650 00:46:26,915 --> 00:46:28,083 - Sweetheart. - Yes? 651 00:46:28,333 --> 00:46:30,418 - Just there's one other thing. - Uh-huh. 652 00:46:30,669 --> 00:46:32,796 You haven't paid for any of these sessions 653 00:46:33,046 --> 00:46:36,591 - in over a year. - Yeah. 654 00:46:36,841 --> 00:46:38,885 It's not for me. The accountants are all over me. 655 00:46:39,135 --> 00:46:41,346 - Oh. - So I would like a little... 656 00:46:41,596 --> 00:46:42,806 you know. 657 00:46:43,056 --> 00:46:45,433 Ugh! God, I forgot my checkbook. 658 00:46:45,684 --> 00:46:47,227 It's on the sink, I remember. 659 00:46:47,477 --> 00:46:48,895 Jeffery, um... 660 00:46:50,313 --> 00:46:53,775 do you think it'd be all right if I paid you Tuesday? 661 00:46:54,025 --> 00:46:55,694 I'll remember my checkbook on Tuesday. 662 00:46:55,944 --> 00:46:57,654 - Oh, sure, darling. Sure. - Okay. 663 00:46:57,904 --> 00:46:59,781 'Cause you know what Freud said? 664 00:47:00,031 --> 00:47:02,742 - If you don't-- - Both: pay for it, you don't get better. 665 00:47:02,993 --> 00:47:04,661 - I remember, I remember. 666 00:47:04,911 --> 00:47:06,246 - Thank you, Jeffery. - Mm-hmm. 667 00:47:06,496 --> 00:47:07,664 - Bye. - Bye. Later, pumpkin. 668 00:47:07,914 --> 00:47:09,708 Oh, Jeffery. 669 00:47:12,752 --> 00:47:16,006 Dracula alive. 670 00:47:16,256 --> 00:47:18,675 In New York. 671 00:47:18,925 --> 00:47:21,219 I won't let him get her. 672 00:47:21,469 --> 00:47:22,846 I won't. 673 00:47:41,156 --> 00:47:43,199 Why don't you go get yourself something to eat 674 00:47:43,450 --> 00:47:44,909 and be back in an hour. 675 00:48:00,967 --> 00:48:03,178 Uncola for me, please. 676 00:48:03,428 --> 00:48:05,305 - Well, where is he? - He'll be here. 677 00:48:05,555 --> 00:48:07,515 Another fly-by-night character. 678 00:48:09,351 --> 00:48:11,436 Good evening, my beauty. 679 00:48:14,064 --> 00:48:16,399 Roses. 680 00:48:16,649 --> 00:48:18,735 Oh, they're beautiful. 681 00:48:18,985 --> 00:48:22,364 - Aren't they beautiful, Jeffery? - Flowers. 682 00:48:22,614 --> 00:48:25,283 Don't touch the thorns. 683 00:48:25,533 --> 00:48:28,078 Vladimir, I'd like to introduce you to my psychiatrist 684 00:48:28,328 --> 00:48:29,662 Dr. Jeffery Rosenberg. 685 00:48:29,913 --> 00:48:31,164 Jeffery, Count Dracula. 686 00:48:31,414 --> 00:48:33,708 It's a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Rosenberg. 687 00:48:33,958 --> 00:48:36,294 Likewise, Count. 688 00:48:36,544 --> 00:48:38,380 Please call me Vladimir. 689 00:48:38,630 --> 00:48:40,799 And I will call you Shrink. 690 00:48:41,049 --> 00:48:42,884 We are in America. 691 00:48:44,302 --> 00:48:45,595 Did you have a nice day, my beauty? 692 00:48:45,845 --> 00:48:48,264 Well, Renee ran my ass off all day. 693 00:48:48,515 --> 00:48:50,350 I mean, he may be the best photographer in New York City, 694 00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:52,102 - but he's still a bitch. - Now, now, darling. 695 00:48:52,352 --> 00:48:54,687 - They have a right to their life. - Yes, I know, Jeffery. 696 00:48:54,938 --> 00:48:56,481 They love in their way, we love in ours. 697 00:48:56,731 --> 00:48:57,774 Who's to say which is right? 698 00:48:58,024 --> 00:49:01,528 By the 21st century homosexuality will probably be the normal lifestyle. 699 00:49:01,778 --> 00:49:03,154 Excellent. Cigarette? 700 00:49:07,450 --> 00:49:09,828 I do not smoke, thank you very much. 701 00:49:10,954 --> 00:49:13,123 The mirror is broken. 702 00:49:13,373 --> 00:49:15,750 A small accident. Forgive me, Doctor. 703 00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:17,669 Oh, I almost forgot, 704 00:49:17,919 --> 00:49:19,254 I bought you something, too, darling. 705 00:49:19,504 --> 00:49:21,881 Really? For me? Oh, how sweet. 706 00:49:22,132 --> 00:49:24,259 - What is it? - It's a good luck necklace. 707 00:49:24,509 --> 00:49:26,302 Aw, thank you. 708 00:49:26,553 --> 00:49:28,054 Oh, it's-- 709 00:49:28,304 --> 00:49:29,806 it's very interesting. 710 00:49:30,056 --> 00:49:32,392 Oh, God, it smells awful. 711 00:49:32,642 --> 00:49:33,977 Yes, it's made of garlic! 712 00:49:34,227 --> 00:49:37,063 Garlic? I don't think that's funny, Jeffery. Garlic. 713 00:49:40,525 --> 00:49:42,861 You're getting to be a bore, Rosenberg. 714 00:49:43,111 --> 00:49:46,698 Van Helsing, Count Dracula. My grandfather was Dr. Fritz Van Helsing. 715 00:49:46,948 --> 00:49:49,159 I changed my name to Rosenberg for professional reasons. 716 00:49:49,409 --> 00:49:51,578 He practiced in London. Is the name familiar to you? 717 00:49:51,828 --> 00:49:54,998 Van Helsing. I should have known! 718 00:49:55,248 --> 00:49:58,126 Your grandfather was a very wise man, 719 00:49:58,376 --> 00:50:00,420 but unfortunately for him, 720 00:50:00,670 --> 00:50:03,923 - I was wiser. - Yes, but the race goes on. 721 00:50:04,174 --> 00:50:06,217 What the hell are you men talking about? 722 00:50:06,468 --> 00:50:09,262 Are you stoned, Jeffery? Did you sneak a joint out of my purse? 723 00:50:09,512 --> 00:50:11,181 Let him continue. It's most amusing. 724 00:50:11,431 --> 00:50:15,226 - You won't find this amusing, Count. - What have you there? 725 00:50:15,477 --> 00:50:18,938 - Some-- some wolfsbane? - Something more powerful than wolfsbane. 726 00:50:19,189 --> 00:50:21,608 Well, Count, what do you say to that?! 727 00:50:25,570 --> 00:50:27,238 I would say leave Cindy alone 728 00:50:27,489 --> 00:50:30,074 and find yourself a nice Jewish girl, Doctor. 729 00:50:30,325 --> 00:50:33,119 Hmm? Ah, shit. It's the other one, isn't it? 730 00:50:33,369 --> 00:50:36,414 Good evening, Doctor Rosenberg. 731 00:50:36,664 --> 00:50:38,791 Better luck next time. 732 00:50:39,042 --> 00:50:40,210 One last thing. 733 00:50:40,460 --> 00:50:42,712 I have no more time for games, Dr. Rosenberg. 734 00:50:42,962 --> 00:50:47,133 Look into my eyes, Count Vladimir Dracula. 735 00:50:47,383 --> 00:50:51,262 Look deeply into my eyes. 736 00:50:51,513 --> 00:50:54,140 You are getting sleepy. 737 00:50:54,390 --> 00:50:56,643 Knock it off, Jeffery. I'm starving. 738 00:50:56,893 --> 00:50:58,728 I'm going to have you find the truth out about this man 739 00:50:58,978 --> 00:51:00,188 one way or the other, Cindy. 740 00:51:00,438 --> 00:51:04,734 Sleepier and sleepier. 741 00:51:04,984 --> 00:51:07,946 Do not teach your grandmother how to suck eggs, Rosenberg. 742 00:51:08,196 --> 00:51:12,200 It is you who is getting sleepier and sleepier. 743 00:51:12,450 --> 00:51:17,205 You are falling into a deep sleep. 744 00:51:17,455 --> 00:51:19,958 Pleasant, 745 00:51:20,208 --> 00:51:23,169 warm. 746 00:51:23,419 --> 00:51:25,296 Close your eyes. 747 00:51:25,547 --> 00:51:28,883 Soon you will be under my power. 748 00:51:29,133 --> 00:51:31,302 Look it, I can't stand much more 749 00:51:31,553 --> 00:51:33,596 of this competitive macho shit, you guys. 750 00:51:33,846 --> 00:51:39,143 - I'm warning you. - Sleepier and sleepier, Count. 751 00:51:39,394 --> 00:51:43,898 Drowsier and drowsier, Rosenberg. 752 00:51:44,941 --> 00:51:48,027 You're almost asleep by now. 753 00:51:48,278 --> 00:51:51,531 - No, you are. - No, you are. 754 00:51:51,781 --> 00:51:53,866 - You are. - No, you are. 755 00:51:54,117 --> 00:51:57,954 - I'm going home. 756 00:52:00,123 --> 00:52:03,376 - Sleep. 757 00:52:03,626 --> 00:52:06,629 - Are you gentlemen finish-- - Sleep now. 758 00:52:06,879 --> 00:52:08,590 Sleep. 759 00:52:22,895 --> 00:52:25,356 - Who's there? - Cindy! 760 00:52:25,607 --> 00:52:27,650 - Cindy! - Oh, it's you. 761 00:52:27,900 --> 00:52:29,694 Hey, why don't you just go back to the Plaza 762 00:52:29,944 --> 00:52:31,946 and play your little boy games with Jeffery. 763 00:52:32,196 --> 00:52:35,575 - Open the door. - I can't. 764 00:52:35,825 --> 00:52:38,286 I have company. I don't wanna be disturbed. 765 00:52:45,418 --> 00:52:47,378 Very cute. 766 00:52:47,629 --> 00:52:49,505 I told you, I have got a man in here. 767 00:52:53,092 --> 00:52:54,510 Now you do. 768 00:52:54,761 --> 00:52:57,138 Why you arrogant S.O.B. 769 00:52:57,388 --> 00:52:59,307 I am Dracula, 770 00:52:59,557 --> 00:53:03,478 a great power, and yet I'm humbled before you. 771 00:53:05,605 --> 00:53:08,066 You're the only woman I've ever loved. 772 00:53:08,316 --> 00:53:11,527 - You belong to me. - Look it, I'm not your slave. 773 00:53:11,778 --> 00:53:13,404 Now I've asked you nicely to leave. 774 00:53:13,655 --> 00:53:15,448 Now I'm gonna call the police. 775 00:53:16,949 --> 00:53:18,117 I mean it. 776 00:53:23,539 --> 00:53:28,378 You sought experience and none has satisfied you. 777 00:53:28,628 --> 00:53:31,673 You long for something wild and overpowering 778 00:53:31,923 --> 00:53:33,299 to sweep you beyond thought. 779 00:53:43,643 --> 00:53:45,019 I heard a rooster crow. 780 00:53:45,269 --> 00:53:47,188 A rooster? In New York City? 781 00:53:52,193 --> 00:53:54,320 - It is late, I must go. - Wait a minute. 782 00:53:54,570 --> 00:53:55,947 Wait a minute. Come on. 783 00:53:56,197 --> 00:53:59,450 We could go to bed. Maybe get in a little quickie? 784 00:54:01,911 --> 00:54:03,621 No. 785 00:54:03,871 --> 00:54:07,208 With you, never a quickie. 786 00:54:07,458 --> 00:54:10,294 Always a longie. 787 00:54:11,421 --> 00:54:14,340 - Until tonight. - Hey, when you come back tonight 788 00:54:14,590 --> 00:54:16,050 it's okay to use the front door. 789 00:55:28,623 --> 00:55:30,291 I'm telling ya I didn't do it. I didn't do it. 790 00:55:30,541 --> 00:55:31,959 You gotta gi-- you gotta give me a break, man! 791 00:55:37,673 --> 00:55:39,842 - Who's in charge here? 792 00:55:42,386 --> 00:55:43,971 Oh, thank you. 793 00:55:46,182 --> 00:55:49,769 I'm sorry, you dig? Please let me go. 794 00:55:50,019 --> 00:55:52,313 I sweat I'll never do it again. I swear. 795 00:55:52,563 --> 00:55:53,773 It was just one hubcap. 796 00:55:54,023 --> 00:55:56,943 Yeah, oh, sure. 797 00:55:57,193 --> 00:55:59,612 What about the other three, huh? 798 00:55:59,862 --> 00:56:02,490 Now you tell me the names of the boys in the gang 799 00:56:02,740 --> 00:56:04,575 and maybe I'll give you a break, huh? 800 00:56:04,826 --> 00:56:07,119 I don't know their names. 801 00:56:07,370 --> 00:56:09,247 I just met 'em walkin' down the street. 802 00:56:09,497 --> 00:56:11,624 And, you know, we all look alike. 803 00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:14,877 Smart ass. 804 00:56:15,127 --> 00:56:17,171 Russell, I'm gonna throw the book at you. 805 00:56:17,421 --> 00:56:20,216 Um, just-- 806 00:56:20,466 --> 00:56:22,426 just a minute, Lieutenant. 807 00:56:22,677 --> 00:56:25,054 - Who the hell are you? - I, uh... 808 00:56:25,304 --> 00:56:28,140 I just happen to be a doctor of psychiatry. 809 00:56:32,436 --> 00:56:35,481 I think this boy is telling the truth. 810 00:56:35,731 --> 00:56:38,067 I think he knows what he's done and he's sorry. 811 00:56:38,317 --> 00:56:40,236 Well, let me tell you. 812 00:56:40,486 --> 00:56:43,322 Today Corvette hubcaps and tomorrow... 813 00:56:43,573 --> 00:56:46,075 Chase Manhattan Bank goes up in smoke. That's right. 814 00:56:46,325 --> 00:56:48,452 - Poof! - Russell... 815 00:56:50,329 --> 00:56:52,206 - I want you to take this. 816 00:56:52,456 --> 00:56:55,293 Go to this clinic next Tuesday at 9. 817 00:56:55,543 --> 00:56:59,297 Ask for Dr. Shapiro, and you tell him that I sent you. 818 00:56:59,547 --> 00:57:04,093 - Is that agreed? - Yes, sir. Thank you. 819 00:57:07,597 --> 00:57:11,225 Lieutenant, unlock the handcuffs. 820 00:57:13,227 --> 00:57:14,604 Are you sure? 821 00:57:14,854 --> 00:57:17,815 There are no guarantees, Lieutenant, only chances. 822 00:57:18,065 --> 00:57:22,570 Okay, you must know. You're a doctor. 823 00:57:22,820 --> 00:57:26,073 Russell, don't you make a monkey outta me. 824 00:57:26,324 --> 00:57:28,075 I want you to get outta here. 825 00:57:28,326 --> 00:57:30,620 Don't wanna ever come back here again, 826 00:57:30,870 --> 00:57:33,039 unless you're selling Girl Scout cookies, okay? 827 00:57:33,289 --> 00:57:35,583 Girl Scout cookies, Boy Scout cookies, 828 00:57:35,833 --> 00:57:37,919 oatmeal cookies, sugar cookies, anything you want. 829 00:57:38,169 --> 00:57:39,962 I know where the guy parks his truck at night. 830 00:57:40,212 --> 00:57:42,673 And I'll get-- at a discount! No, for free. Both of you! 831 00:57:42,924 --> 00:57:44,592 Oatmeal cookies! 832 00:57:47,345 --> 00:57:49,305 Feel better? 833 00:57:49,555 --> 00:57:51,849 Yes, I do. It's-- it's crazy, I know, 834 00:57:52,099 --> 00:57:54,644 - but I really do. - So do I. 835 00:57:56,187 --> 00:57:58,356 Oh! I almost forgot why I came in here. 836 00:57:58,606 --> 00:58:00,650 Oh, yeah. What's up, Doc? 837 00:58:00,900 --> 00:58:03,402 A little joke I-- I just feel so good. 838 00:58:03,653 --> 00:58:06,906 Lieutenant, my name is Dr. Jeffery Rosenberg, 839 00:58:07,156 --> 00:58:08,199 and I want to talk to you about a man 840 00:58:08,449 --> 00:58:09,784 who sucks the blood outta people. 841 00:58:10,034 --> 00:58:11,577 Loan shark, huh? 842 00:58:11,827 --> 00:58:14,246 - What's his name? - No, no, no. 843 00:58:14,497 --> 00:58:17,458 This is no loan shark. This is a vampire. 844 00:58:17,708 --> 00:58:21,796 - Vampire? - A vampire. His name is Dracula. 845 00:58:22,046 --> 00:58:24,256 Count Dracula. 846 00:58:24,507 --> 00:58:27,301 And he bites people in the neck 847 00:58:27,551 --> 00:58:29,845 and he drinks their blood. 848 00:58:33,808 --> 00:58:35,726 O'Brian! 849 00:58:35,977 --> 00:58:38,437 O'Brian! Get that rotten kid back in here! 850 00:58:38,688 --> 00:58:41,190 Quickly! Somebody! Murphy! Murphy! 851 00:58:41,440 --> 00:58:44,193 We're gonna need all the help we can get. 852 00:58:44,443 --> 00:58:46,862 Get this crazy, psycho outta here before I kill him! 853 00:58:47,113 --> 00:58:48,614 - Get him out! - Oh, no. No, wait! 854 00:58:48,864 --> 00:58:50,116 Get him out! 855 00:58:50,366 --> 00:58:52,201 It's very hard to believe this, I know that. 856 00:58:52,451 --> 00:58:53,995 It's a difficult thing to believe. 857 00:58:54,245 --> 00:58:56,205 - Out! - They wouldn't believe my grandfather. 858 00:58:56,455 --> 00:58:57,999 Get him out! 859 00:59:04,505 --> 00:59:06,590 - Can I help you with it, sir? - No, that's fine. 860 00:59:06,841 --> 00:59:10,136 That's fine. Thank you. 861 00:59:10,386 --> 00:59:11,554 Thank you! 862 00:59:15,182 --> 00:59:17,643 I'm sure you'll find everything to your satisfaction, sir. 863 00:59:17,893 --> 00:59:20,813 - I'm sure I will. - And, um, if there's anything you need, 864 00:59:21,063 --> 00:59:23,441 - my name is Billy. - Oh, hello, Billy. 865 00:59:23,691 --> 00:59:26,652 No, I got everything I need right here in this little 'ole bag. 866 00:59:26,902 --> 00:59:28,654 If you catch my meaning, Billy. 867 00:59:28,904 --> 00:59:30,072 You need ice? 868 00:59:31,907 --> 00:59:35,578 - No ice. - Well, you won't be disturbed, sir. 869 00:59:35,828 --> 00:59:39,040 You have a nice weekend. A nice long weekend. 870 00:59:39,290 --> 00:59:41,167 - You, too, Billy. - Thank you, sir. 871 00:59:42,209 --> 00:59:43,586 Thank you. 872 01:00:01,103 --> 01:00:02,938 Every now and then 873 01:00:03,189 --> 01:00:08,027 it certainly helps to have a patient doing five to ten 874 01:00:08,277 --> 01:00:11,739 - for breaking and entering. 875 01:00:28,923 --> 01:00:30,841 Can I really do this? 876 01:00:31,092 --> 01:00:33,219 A Freudian wouldn't do this. 877 01:00:33,469 --> 01:00:36,722 A Jungian would do this. A Reichian would do this. 878 01:00:36,972 --> 01:00:38,724 But I'm a Freudian. 879 01:00:43,604 --> 01:00:45,898 But I'm also a Van Helsing! 880 01:00:51,237 --> 01:00:54,698 In the name of all the Van Helsings who have ever lived... 881 01:00:55,741 --> 01:00:59,995 burn, baby, burn! 882 01:01:03,541 --> 01:01:04,875 Who's smoking? 883 01:01:05,918 --> 01:01:07,336 Renfield? 884 01:01:11,382 --> 01:01:13,926 This is a perfect example 885 01:01:14,176 --> 01:01:17,680 of a man taking charge of his own life. 886 01:01:17,930 --> 01:01:20,474 And I feel... pretty good. 887 01:01:20,724 --> 01:01:22,351 Renfield! 888 01:01:22,601 --> 01:01:24,770 Renfield! 889 01:01:29,441 --> 01:01:31,443 Fire! Room 903! 890 01:01:33,404 --> 01:01:35,489 Master! 891 01:01:41,954 --> 01:01:43,706 Let it burn! Let it burn! 892 01:01:43,956 --> 01:01:45,958 Jeez, we got the wrong guy. Come on. 893 01:01:46,208 --> 01:01:48,043 Wait! Let it burn! 894 01:01:48,294 --> 01:01:49,670 Let it burn! 895 01:01:49,920 --> 01:01:51,297 Let me go! 896 01:01:51,547 --> 01:01:54,758 I'm a doctor! I know what I'm doing! 897 01:01:59,388 --> 01:02:01,724 See, he's a vampire. 898 01:02:01,974 --> 01:02:04,351 And he's gotta be destroyed. He's filth. 899 01:02:04,602 --> 01:02:06,312 Decadence, yeah. He's unclean. 900 01:02:06,562 --> 01:02:07,938 He's gotta be destroyed. 901 01:02:08,189 --> 01:02:10,733 And you know what I think? I'm not sure about this, 902 01:02:10,983 --> 01:02:12,610 but I just suspect that, uh, 903 01:02:12,860 --> 01:02:15,654 he's better in bed with my girl than I am! 904 01:02:15,905 --> 01:02:18,574 - This guy's really flipped. - Who's that for? 905 01:02:18,824 --> 01:02:20,159 - Huh? - Shh. 906 01:02:20,409 --> 01:02:21,619 It's not for me! Get the air bubble out! 907 01:02:30,002 --> 01:02:34,340 Woman on PA: Dr. Donahue, call 276. 908 01:02:34,590 --> 01:02:37,593 Dr. Donahue, call 276. 909 01:02:37,843 --> 01:02:40,638 Life is just a bowl cherries. 910 01:02:40,888 --> 01:02:43,265 Don't make it serious. 911 01:02:43,515 --> 01:02:45,643 - Why's it so mysterious... - Jeffrey. 912 01:02:45,893 --> 01:02:47,311 - Hi, darling. - Hello, sweet heart. 913 01:02:47,561 --> 01:02:48,896 - How are you? - I'm fine. 914 01:02:49,146 --> 01:02:50,314 - Been keeping busy? - Oh, yeah. 915 01:02:50,564 --> 01:02:51,732 Let me see. What are you doing? 916 01:02:51,982 --> 01:02:54,902 Oh, it's nothing. I'll show it to you when it's finished. 917 01:02:55,152 --> 01:02:58,113 Okay. Well, I, uh, I-- 918 01:02:58,364 --> 01:03:00,449 I picked up something for you to eat. 919 01:03:00,699 --> 01:03:02,993 Oh. Am I going to be in here that long? 920 01:03:03,244 --> 01:03:05,329 No. I, uh-- I, uh-- 921 01:03:05,579 --> 01:03:07,665 I just thought I'd wanna get a couple extra 922 01:03:07,915 --> 01:03:11,460 so the others wouldn't get upset, you know? 923 01:03:11,710 --> 01:03:14,505 They are upset. That's why they're in here. 924 01:03:15,589 --> 01:03:17,132 That's right, Jeffery. 925 01:03:17,383 --> 01:03:20,177 Uh, listen. It's cool, everything is cool. 926 01:03:20,427 --> 01:03:21,887 I-- I-- I talked to your answering service 927 01:03:22,137 --> 01:03:25,015 and I told them the doctor is-- is on vacation. 928 01:03:25,266 --> 01:03:27,851 - Marry me. - Jeff, please. 929 01:03:28,102 --> 01:03:29,520 I've been thinking about it. We should get married. 930 01:03:29,770 --> 01:03:31,563 But you've always told me I don't wanna get married. 931 01:03:31,814 --> 01:03:32,856 Yes, you do. Yes, you do. 932 01:03:33,107 --> 01:03:34,900 I was gonna tell you next Tuesday when you came into the office. 933 01:03:35,150 --> 01:03:37,611 I'm getting the house. Largemont, 22 minutes from Midtown. 934 01:03:37,861 --> 01:03:40,114 Good schools. No tennis court, but there's room for one. 935 01:03:40,364 --> 01:03:43,492 - God, we'll love it there. - Jeffery, Jeffery, please. 936 01:03:43,742 --> 01:03:45,202 A dog. You've always wanted a dog. 937 01:03:45,452 --> 01:03:46,453 I found one. She's not spayed yet, 938 01:03:46,704 --> 01:03:47,871 because I wanted to talk to you about it first. 939 01:03:48,122 --> 01:03:49,832 Even though I'm not a Catholic, you know, I-- I-- 940 01:03:50,082 --> 01:03:51,292 - Jeffery, you're getting hysterical! - Shh, shh, shh. 941 01:03:51,542 --> 01:03:54,962 Uh, I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 942 01:03:55,212 --> 01:03:58,507 Okay. Cindy... 943 01:03:58,757 --> 01:04:01,093 get me outta here, quickly. You know I'm not insane. 944 01:04:01,343 --> 01:04:04,555 All right. All right, it's all been arranged. 945 01:04:04,805 --> 01:04:06,640 But you've got to promise me to be good. 946 01:04:06,890 --> 01:04:09,560 - No more carrying on-- - Shh. 947 01:04:09,810 --> 01:04:13,272 Huh? No, no. I'll be good. 948 01:04:13,522 --> 01:04:16,108 I'll be better than good. I'll be perfect. 949 01:04:16,358 --> 01:04:18,110 - No more fires? - No. 950 01:04:18,360 --> 01:04:22,531 - No more possessive tantrums? - No, no more fires. 951 01:04:22,781 --> 01:04:25,492 I promise. No more fires. 952 01:04:26,660 --> 01:04:30,247 Promise? Okay. You'll be outta here in no time. 953 01:04:30,497 --> 01:04:33,125 Don't worry. Go back to your drawing. 954 01:04:33,375 --> 01:04:36,962 Woman on PA: Visiting hours will be over in 15 minutes, please. 955 01:04:37,212 --> 01:04:40,174 Attention. Attention. 956 01:04:40,424 --> 01:04:43,635 Visiting hours will be over in 15 minutes, please. 957 01:04:58,525 --> 01:05:01,945 - You did real well, Renfield. - Thank you, master. 958 01:05:02,196 --> 01:05:06,158 A combination getaway car and mobile home. 959 01:05:06,408 --> 01:05:09,953 Now when we get inside, I want you to play it real cold. 960 01:05:10,204 --> 01:05:12,164 No, I believe that's real cool, master. 961 01:05:12,414 --> 01:05:13,582 - Cool, cool. - Yes. 962 01:05:13,832 --> 01:05:16,001 Yeah, yeah. We're going to make a hoist. 963 01:05:16,251 --> 01:05:18,212 - Heist, master. - Heist, heist, heist. 964 01:05:30,307 --> 01:05:32,142 I'm sorry, we're closed. 965 01:05:32,393 --> 01:05:34,436 We've come to make a withdrawal. 966 01:05:34,686 --> 01:05:36,313 We have a very sick man in the car 967 01:05:36,563 --> 01:05:38,607 who needs blood desperately. 968 01:05:38,857 --> 01:05:40,859 But that's a hearse! 969 01:05:42,069 --> 01:05:44,029 So, maybe we're a bit late. 970 01:05:44,279 --> 01:05:46,615 Now, look, look. I told you we're-- we're closed. 971 01:05:46,865 --> 01:05:48,450 The only thing closed... 972 01:05:48,700 --> 01:05:50,327 are your eyes. 973 01:05:57,418 --> 01:06:00,546 Fill out these cards and follow me. 974 01:06:08,137 --> 01:06:09,638 What type are you? 975 01:06:09,888 --> 01:06:11,306 Ruthless. 976 01:06:11,557 --> 01:06:14,184 We didn't come to give. We came to take. 977 01:06:14,435 --> 01:06:17,980 Give us all your blood in small unmarked bills. 978 01:06:18,230 --> 01:06:20,607 Master, that's bottles. 979 01:06:20,858 --> 01:06:23,652 Bottles. Bottles, of course. 980 01:06:23,902 --> 01:06:26,655 Forgive me. We are new at this. 981 01:06:28,282 --> 01:06:30,909 If you two freaks don't get out of here 982 01:06:31,160 --> 01:06:33,912 I am going to scream my head off. 983 01:06:34,163 --> 01:06:35,205 If you scream loudly, 984 01:06:35,456 --> 01:06:37,374 they'll think you were frightened by a mouse. 985 01:06:49,470 --> 01:06:52,681 Master, we hit the jackpot! 986 01:06:53,765 --> 01:06:55,267 Only in America. 987 01:06:56,518 --> 01:07:00,022 Plastic, disposable bodies. 988 01:07:00,272 --> 01:07:02,065 It's like a supermarket. 989 01:07:02,316 --> 01:07:05,068 Master, it would be wonderful at the reception 990 01:07:05,319 --> 01:07:06,987 when you marry Miss Cindy. 991 01:07:07,237 --> 01:07:08,947 Oh, how they danced. 992 01:07:09,198 --> 01:07:11,408 How the night that they bled. 993 01:07:12,451 --> 01:07:14,161 I propose a toast. 994 01:07:14,411 --> 01:07:16,079 Here's blood in your eye. 995 01:07:17,122 --> 01:07:19,750 Close your eyes and hope to die. 996 01:07:23,295 --> 01:07:25,422 Are you sure your eyes are closed? 997 01:07:32,262 --> 01:07:33,639 Open them now. 998 01:07:39,561 --> 01:07:42,439 Oh, Vladimir, that's lovely. 999 01:07:42,689 --> 01:07:46,401 - What is that? - A blood ruby. 1000 01:07:48,987 --> 01:07:51,281 And what are those little birds? 1001 01:07:51,532 --> 01:07:54,159 It's nothing, a creature of the night. It flies. 1002 01:08:01,875 --> 01:08:05,003 Must have been very expensive, Vladimir. How did you afford it? 1003 01:08:06,797 --> 01:08:10,050 I put a little away for a very long time. 1004 01:08:14,304 --> 01:08:15,931 What's wrong? You seem so sad. 1005 01:08:18,225 --> 01:08:19,977 I don't know. 1006 01:08:21,228 --> 01:08:22,813 I think I love you, Vladimir. 1007 01:08:23,063 --> 01:08:25,232 And, um... 1008 01:08:25,482 --> 01:08:29,611 part of me still wants to be independent, you know? 1009 01:08:29,861 --> 01:08:33,323 But part of me wants to be taken care of and... 1010 01:08:33,574 --> 01:08:36,952 part of me would like to be a wife and a mother. 1011 01:08:37,202 --> 01:08:38,745 And, um... 1012 01:08:40,038 --> 01:08:42,583 part of me still thinks I'm just like an expensive whore 1013 01:08:42,833 --> 01:08:45,544 who'd sell anything from dog food to mouth wash 1014 01:08:45,794 --> 01:08:48,130 for a $1,000 a day. 1015 01:08:48,380 --> 01:08:51,717 Oh, God. I'm so confused. 1016 01:09:00,559 --> 01:09:03,270 You were born in the wrong time, Cindy Sondheim. 1017 01:09:04,479 --> 01:09:07,816 In the other age things were simpler, less complicated. 1018 01:09:09,359 --> 01:09:12,237 Do you remember how many women had nervous breakdowns 1019 01:09:12,487 --> 01:09:14,281 in the 14th century? 1020 01:09:14,531 --> 01:09:16,199 - No. - Three. 1021 01:09:16,450 --> 01:09:19,620 Why do you treat me so well, Vladimir? 1022 01:09:19,870 --> 01:09:24,916 I mean, without this face that I wake up every single morning looking for the first wrinkle, 1023 01:09:25,167 --> 01:09:26,627 I'm nothing. 1024 01:09:26,877 --> 01:09:30,005 - Do you think of me as special? - Yes, of course. 1025 01:09:30,255 --> 01:09:33,842 Then how can you think of yourself as nothing if I love you? 1026 01:09:35,052 --> 01:09:37,095 Besides... 1027 01:09:38,472 --> 01:09:40,474 I can arrange it 1028 01:09:40,724 --> 01:09:43,935 so you never have to look in a mirror again. 1029 01:09:46,146 --> 01:09:48,190 I can arrange it so you can. 1030 01:09:48,440 --> 01:09:50,984 The second way to kill a vampire, Count. 1031 01:09:51,234 --> 01:09:53,153 Three silver bullets through the heart. 1032 01:09:53,403 --> 01:09:54,571 - Jeffery! 1033 01:09:56,365 --> 01:10:00,077 No, Rosenberg, that is a werewolf. 1034 01:10:00,327 --> 01:10:03,246 A werewolf, really? Are you sure? 1035 01:10:04,331 --> 01:10:06,958 No harm done. The man's all right. 1036 01:10:07,209 --> 01:10:09,169 This was for a werewolf, no problem. 1037 01:10:09,419 --> 01:10:10,796 Calm down. Take it easy. 1038 01:10:11,046 --> 01:10:12,881 I'm a doctor! I know what I'm doing. 1039 01:10:13,131 --> 01:10:15,717 He's all right. He's even got a little color. 1040 01:10:15,967 --> 01:10:18,470 Not to worry, my dear, it's-- it's more annoyance. 1041 01:10:29,564 --> 01:10:31,191 Who are you? 1042 01:10:33,235 --> 01:10:34,778 Do you know whenever I'm with you, I see-- 1043 01:10:35,028 --> 01:10:37,030 Places... 1044 01:10:37,280 --> 01:10:39,783 in my eyes 1045 01:10:40,033 --> 01:10:43,745 that you've only seen in dreams. 1046 01:10:43,995 --> 01:10:45,539 Yes. 1047 01:10:46,957 --> 01:10:49,626 They have not been dreams. 1048 01:10:52,838 --> 01:10:55,382 Nor do they ever have to be again. 1049 01:11:06,143 --> 01:11:08,478 It's just incredible. 1050 01:11:08,729 --> 01:11:10,731 I finally know what I want. 1051 01:11:12,524 --> 01:11:14,943 What about your career? 1052 01:11:15,193 --> 01:11:16,820 I don't know. 1053 01:11:17,070 --> 01:11:18,488 Sometimes I think a career to a woman 1054 01:11:18,739 --> 01:11:20,907 is kind of like fooling around to a man. 1055 01:11:21,158 --> 01:11:22,743 I mean, it's a lot of fun... 1056 01:11:24,578 --> 01:11:27,622 till the right person comes along. 1057 01:11:27,873 --> 01:11:31,084 What about Rosenberg? 1058 01:11:31,334 --> 01:11:32,961 Jeffery. 1059 01:11:35,380 --> 01:11:38,508 He just doesn't make me feel the way you make me feel. 1060 01:11:48,810 --> 01:11:51,021 What are you doing? 1061 01:11:51,271 --> 01:11:53,398 What does it feel like I'm doing? 1062 01:11:54,816 --> 01:11:57,194 Oh, feels so good. 1063 01:12:00,655 --> 01:12:04,910 Finally, after 712 years, 1064 01:12:05,160 --> 01:12:07,746 to have someone bite me again... 1065 01:12:12,209 --> 01:12:16,171 Woman on intercom: Physical therapist, please report to room 264. 1066 01:12:16,421 --> 01:12:17,964 You can see him now. 1067 01:12:18,215 --> 01:12:21,551 Woman on intercom: Physical therapist, please report to room 264. 1068 01:12:33,563 --> 01:12:35,565 Hi, Doc. 1069 01:12:35,816 --> 01:12:38,193 Remember me? 1070 01:12:38,443 --> 01:12:41,780 "All of the victims had two puncture marks on their necks, 1071 01:12:42,030 --> 01:12:43,698 but no one could remember how it happened." 1072 01:12:43,949 --> 01:12:46,618 Absolutely! Dracula! 1073 01:12:46,868 --> 01:12:50,622 "Nothing was stolen and no one was sexually molested. 1074 01:12:50,872 --> 01:12:52,791 Turn to page 46." 1075 01:12:53,041 --> 01:12:55,585 30 years in the force, never cracked a big one. 1076 01:12:55,836 --> 01:12:57,838 And now here's my big chance. 1077 01:12:58,088 --> 01:12:59,840 I have to go after a vampire. 1078 01:13:00,090 --> 01:13:01,633 Why couldn't it have been a drug bust? 1079 01:13:02,676 --> 01:13:04,970 Although no one's ever gone after a vampire before. 1080 01:13:06,346 --> 01:13:07,973 No one's ever tried. 1081 01:13:09,140 --> 01:13:12,060 - Except me. - So, after four victims 1082 01:13:12,310 --> 01:13:13,603 and the blood bank robbery-- 1083 01:13:13,854 --> 01:13:16,398 page 23-- you finally believe me. 1084 01:13:16,648 --> 01:13:19,359 I don't know what to believe, Doc. 1085 01:13:19,609 --> 01:13:23,280 A lot of funny things going down in this city. 1086 01:13:23,530 --> 01:13:27,409 Not funny, Lieutenant! Horrible. Messy. Unspeakable. 1087 01:13:29,286 --> 01:13:31,621 Page 38. Come on, Ferguson! 1088 01:13:31,872 --> 01:13:33,707 Help me turn to page 46! 1089 01:13:33,957 --> 01:13:35,292 I'll do more than that, Doc. 1090 01:13:37,210 --> 01:13:39,504 I'm gonna get you out of here. Come on. 1091 01:13:40,714 --> 01:13:42,382 Leave everything to me. 1092 01:14:04,696 --> 01:14:06,865 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 1093 01:14:07,115 --> 01:14:09,618 I've lost her forever! He's drained all the blood out of her. 1094 01:14:09,868 --> 01:14:12,203 - We're too late. - Jeffery, will you calm down? 1095 01:14:12,454 --> 01:14:15,415 This is an herbal mask. You've seen me wear it a million times. 1096 01:14:16,458 --> 01:14:18,376 - Herbal mask? - Yes. 1097 01:14:18,627 --> 01:14:19,753 But you're right, you are too late. 1098 01:14:20,003 --> 01:14:22,130 We're in love. Now get out of here. 1099 01:14:22,380 --> 01:14:23,506 You call this love? 1100 01:14:23,757 --> 01:14:26,593 Look at this-- two sets of bites. 1101 01:14:26,843 --> 01:14:29,054 I don't know. It looks awfully small to me. 1102 01:14:29,304 --> 01:14:30,889 You sure that's not prickly heat? 1103 01:14:31,139 --> 01:14:33,642 We've still got time to save her. Come on, I know he's in there. 1104 01:14:33,892 --> 01:14:35,018 - No, no, no! Are you crazy? - Get out of here! 1105 01:14:35,268 --> 01:14:36,728 We can't go in there without a search warrant. 1106 01:14:36,978 --> 01:14:39,105 - Now you know the law! - If we don't, 1107 01:14:39,356 --> 01:14:41,107 her immortal soul will be lost forever. 1108 01:14:41,358 --> 01:14:42,943 And if we do, I lose my pension. Now, come on. 1109 01:14:43,193 --> 01:14:44,694 I know a friendly judge. 1110 01:14:49,908 --> 01:14:51,534 Oh, Jeffery! 1111 01:14:51,785 --> 01:14:54,788 Listen, we're getting married next week. I'm registered at Bloomingdale's. 1112 01:14:55,038 --> 01:14:58,833 I'm okay with crystal, but I'm a little short on china and silverware. 1113 01:14:59,084 --> 01:15:01,252 You'll get nothing from me! 1114 01:15:05,632 --> 01:15:07,217 Say what? 1115 01:15:07,467 --> 01:15:10,261 A search warrant, Your Honor. We need a search warrant right now. 1116 01:15:10,512 --> 01:15:12,097 There's been a rash of bat bites in the city. 1117 01:15:12,347 --> 01:15:13,723 Maybe you've been reading about it. 1118 01:15:13,974 --> 01:15:15,350 A blood bank robbery and this girl 1119 01:15:15,600 --> 01:15:17,978 has these two red holes in the side of her neck. 1120 01:15:18,228 --> 01:15:20,397 We have reason to believe this is the work of a vampire. 1121 01:15:20,647 --> 01:15:22,607 - A vampire? - That's right. 1122 01:15:22,857 --> 01:15:24,818 And that's why we need the warrant right now. 1123 01:15:25,068 --> 01:15:28,697 So we can grab him while he's still sleeping in his coffin. 1124 01:15:28,947 --> 01:15:31,241 I cannot believe what I'm hearing. 1125 01:15:31,491 --> 01:15:34,202 Uh, Your Honor, let me shed some light on this. 1126 01:15:34,452 --> 01:15:38,331 Listen, honky, didn't you see "Roots"? 1127 01:15:38,581 --> 01:15:41,584 I loved "Roots." Ben Vereen is a terrific dancer. 1128 01:15:41,835 --> 01:15:43,586 You better believe it! 1129 01:15:43,837 --> 01:15:46,214 And our people have come a long way 1130 01:15:46,464 --> 01:15:51,261 for you to be coming in here with that voodoo, scary Dracula shit! 1131 01:15:51,511 --> 01:15:54,681 Now I want you to haul ass out of my courtroom 1132 01:15:54,931 --> 01:15:56,850 before I really get mean! 1133 01:15:57,100 --> 01:15:59,436 Your Honor, I'm a doctor of psych-- 1134 01:16:04,190 --> 01:16:05,567 Look at this! 1135 01:16:09,195 --> 01:16:10,989 - It's him! - Yeah. 1136 01:16:11,239 --> 01:16:13,033 Or a rock group. Come on. 1137 01:16:26,588 --> 01:16:28,923 - Are you coming or aren't ya? - I can't do it, Doc, I told ya. 1138 01:16:29,174 --> 01:16:31,426 Now, I'm sorry. You bring him down, I'll do the rest. 1139 01:16:31,676 --> 01:16:33,261 All right. You stay right here. 1140 01:16:33,511 --> 01:16:34,888 Wait a minute. 1141 01:16:36,222 --> 01:16:38,600 - You may need this. - He's already dead. 1142 01:16:40,018 --> 01:16:41,436 Oh. 1143 01:16:51,446 --> 01:16:53,615 You can't come in! 1144 01:16:53,865 --> 01:16:55,658 I'm in! 1145 01:16:55,909 --> 01:16:57,035 - Where is he? - He's not here! 1146 01:16:57,285 --> 01:16:59,537 Now why don't you just leave us alone, for God's sake? 1147 01:16:59,788 --> 01:17:02,540 Where is he? Where's his damn coffin, huh? 1148 01:17:02,791 --> 01:17:04,167 I know he's here somewhere. 1149 01:17:04,417 --> 01:17:06,461 Who does this patent leather pump belong to? 1150 01:17:06,711 --> 01:17:07,879 Cinderella? 1151 01:17:08,129 --> 01:17:11,049 He's in here somewhere, and I'll find him. 1152 01:17:11,299 --> 01:17:12,509 It's me. 1153 01:17:12,759 --> 01:17:14,135 I don't see any pictures of him. 1154 01:17:14,385 --> 01:17:16,179 You know why there are no pictures of him? 1155 01:17:16,429 --> 01:17:18,389 Because you can't take any pictures of him. 1156 01:17:18,640 --> 01:17:20,391 That's why. 1157 01:17:21,726 --> 01:17:23,228 Here somewhere. 1158 01:17:25,980 --> 01:17:29,484 - Renfield! 1159 01:17:29,734 --> 01:17:33,113 So we meet again, Dr. Rosenberg. 1160 01:17:33,363 --> 01:17:34,572 Where's your master? 1161 01:17:34,823 --> 01:17:38,243 He's at that airport buying tickets for our flight home tonight. 1162 01:17:38,493 --> 01:17:40,954 Renfield, why did you tell him that? 1163 01:17:41,204 --> 01:17:43,540 Because the bad guys always tell the good guys 1164 01:17:43,790 --> 01:17:46,501 what they're going to do just before they try to kill them. 1165 01:17:46,751 --> 01:17:48,711 He's absolutely right, Miss Cindy. 1166 01:17:48,962 --> 01:17:50,338 That's part of the rules. 1167 01:17:50,588 --> 01:17:53,007 But in this case, we are the good guys. 1168 01:17:53,258 --> 01:17:56,970 Shall we let history make that judgment, Renfield? 1169 01:17:57,220 --> 01:18:00,974 Certainly, Rosenberg. 1170 01:18:01,224 --> 01:18:02,851 Is there anything else you'd like to know? 1171 01:18:03,101 --> 01:18:05,895 - Yes. Do you like centipedes? - Why do you ask? 1172 01:18:06,146 --> 01:18:08,356 Because there's a beautiful one in front of your left foot. 1173 01:18:08,606 --> 01:18:09,816 Where? Where? 1174 01:18:10,066 --> 01:18:12,026 - Yah! 1175 01:18:14,612 --> 01:18:18,074 And you call yourself a doctor? 1176 01:18:21,161 --> 01:18:22,620 Cindy: Jeffery! 1177 01:18:22,871 --> 01:18:24,873 - Come on, you're coming with me. - No, I'm not. 1178 01:18:25,123 --> 01:18:26,583 Lookit, I love him and he loves me. 1179 01:18:26,833 --> 01:18:28,209 Why don't you just go walk around the block 1180 01:18:28,459 --> 01:18:30,044 and try to explain that to yourself. 1181 01:18:30,295 --> 01:18:31,880 Okay, I'm sorry. 1182 01:18:32,130 --> 01:18:33,715 I've been way out of line here. 1183 01:18:33,965 --> 01:18:35,633 I'm really sorry. You've seen the last of me. 1184 01:18:35,884 --> 01:18:37,177 All right. Sorry to see it end this way. 1185 01:18:37,427 --> 01:18:40,430 Okay. One way or the other, sister. 1186 01:18:40,680 --> 01:18:42,223 Nighty-night. 1187 01:18:59,657 --> 01:19:02,327 Please, God, not again. 1188 01:19:03,745 --> 01:19:06,581 Please, don't mess with that big switch up there in the sky. 1189 01:19:21,179 --> 01:19:22,472 Jet lag. 1190 01:19:28,394 --> 01:19:29,896 - Oh, what was that? 1191 01:19:30,146 --> 01:19:33,566 - Hey, what's goin' on here? - Quiet! Quiet! 1192 01:19:33,816 --> 01:19:35,276 It's another brownout. We're stuck. 1193 01:19:35,526 --> 01:19:36,945 - Somebody got a match? - He's right. 1194 01:19:37,195 --> 01:19:40,031 Relaxez-vous. I've got a lighter in my right-hand pocket. 1195 01:19:40,281 --> 01:19:42,700 Would one of you guys want to reach in, grab it and flick my Bic? 1196 01:19:42,951 --> 01:19:45,954 - Mm-hmm. - Oh, oh, excuse me. 1197 01:19:46,204 --> 01:19:47,330 I've got it. 1198 01:19:47,580 --> 01:19:49,540 Well, the important thing is not to panic, huh? 1199 01:19:49,791 --> 01:19:51,584 Too many people in here. Somebody's gotta go. 1200 01:19:51,834 --> 01:19:54,545 What are you talking about? This is an elevator, not a lifeboat. 1201 01:19:58,508 --> 01:20:00,385 Woman: Morris. 1202 01:20:00,635 --> 01:20:03,596 - Morris. 1203 01:20:06,015 --> 01:20:07,600 Hello, honey. 1204 01:20:08,726 --> 01:20:11,062 - Hello? 1205 01:20:12,689 --> 01:20:14,190 - Animals. - Woman: Oh! 1206 01:20:14,440 --> 01:20:15,733 People in a blackout become animals. 1207 01:20:26,411 --> 01:20:27,578 Renfield, where is she? 1208 01:20:27,829 --> 01:20:30,290 Oh, she's gone. Rosenberg took her. 1209 01:20:30,540 --> 01:20:32,375 - Rosenberg. Where? - Oh, I don't know, 1210 01:20:32,625 --> 01:20:34,294 but they only left a few moments ago. 1211 01:20:34,544 --> 01:20:35,962 Oh, master, what are we to do now? 1212 01:20:36,212 --> 01:20:38,339 Where are we to go? 1213 01:20:38,589 --> 01:20:41,592 Airline tickets to romantic places. 1214 01:20:41,843 --> 01:20:44,387 - London! - Dorchester Hotel. 1215 01:20:44,637 --> 01:20:46,848 - England. - Just like the good old days. 1216 01:20:47,098 --> 01:20:48,725 Where am I? 1217 01:20:50,476 --> 01:20:52,770 - What happened? - You tell her, poor darling. 1218 01:20:53,021 --> 01:20:55,189 Sorry, darling. Cindy, relax. Everything's gonna be all right. 1219 01:20:55,440 --> 01:20:57,483 - Long flight. - Now I remember. 1220 01:20:57,734 --> 01:21:00,445 Let go of me, Dr. Rosenberg, or I'm gonna scream! 1221 01:21:00,695 --> 01:21:02,822 Please, no screaming. I'm becoming unglued as it is. 1222 01:21:03,072 --> 01:21:04,657 Oh, God, I think I'm going to faint. 1223 01:21:04,907 --> 01:21:07,327 Well, if you do, it'll have to be standing up, fruitcake. 1224 01:21:14,500 --> 01:21:15,960 Cindy? 1225 01:21:16,210 --> 01:21:18,046 Cindy! 1226 01:21:18,296 --> 01:21:20,256 Vladimir! 1227 01:21:20,506 --> 01:21:22,467 Dracula: I'm coming to save you. 1228 01:21:22,717 --> 01:21:24,969 - We're gonna be saved! 1229 01:21:25,219 --> 01:21:27,472 You fools! You fools! 1230 01:21:27,722 --> 01:21:30,058 How stupid can you be? That was the voice of Dracula! 1231 01:21:30,308 --> 01:21:32,810 - Dracula who? - Dracula who?! 1232 01:21:33,061 --> 01:21:36,105 Dracula, lady. That blood-sucking vampire. 1233 01:21:36,356 --> 01:21:39,067 Haven't you read the newspapers? Right now he's on his way down here 1234 01:21:39,317 --> 01:21:42,487 for this girl, and after her, God knows who's next! 1235 01:21:42,737 --> 01:21:46,240 - Come on, let him have it! 1236 01:21:49,619 --> 01:21:52,580 Listen, Willy-- I can't believe what's going on here. 1237 01:21:52,830 --> 01:21:54,665 Take care of your mother. Bolt the doors. 1238 01:21:54,916 --> 01:21:57,001 If anybody breaks in, tell him your father is a cop. 1239 01:21:57,251 --> 01:21:58,878 That'll scare him. 1240 01:21:59,128 --> 01:22:01,506 - What are you doing? - It's for my den. 1241 01:22:01,756 --> 01:22:05,009 Oh, I hate Princess phones. Don't you? 1242 01:22:05,259 --> 01:22:08,137 You can't do that. Gimme that back! 1243 01:22:08,388 --> 01:22:09,555 I lost my dime. 1244 01:22:10,890 --> 01:22:13,810 - Woman: There. - Do not forget, lady. You owe us. 1245 01:22:14,060 --> 01:22:16,854 - I won't. - Don't forget to tell them we're here, darling. 1246 01:22:17,105 --> 01:22:20,983 Remember, honey, Mrs. Knockwood in 14B. 1247 01:22:21,234 --> 01:22:23,152 Please, turn off the pot roast. 1248 01:22:27,240 --> 01:22:28,825 Oh, Vladimir. 1249 01:22:29,075 --> 01:22:32,995 Quickly, my darling. Hold on tight. 1250 01:22:33,246 --> 01:22:36,582 Honey, can we stop by the apartment so I can pack a little overnight bag? 1251 01:22:36,833 --> 01:22:39,710 Of course, my darling! Which floor is it? 1252 01:22:41,254 --> 01:22:43,381 - We're saved! 1253 01:22:46,884 --> 01:22:48,177 Oh, help him. 1254 01:22:49,262 --> 01:22:52,849 Listen, listen, kid, I'm sorry about that, you know? 1255 01:22:53,099 --> 01:22:55,435 But you kind of went bananas. 1256 01:22:55,685 --> 01:22:59,147 Look, if you ever need me any time of the day or night, 1257 01:22:59,397 --> 01:23:01,858 I'm right across the street at St. Vincent's. 1258 01:23:02,108 --> 01:23:04,444 Such a nice Jewish boy. A doctor, yet. 1259 01:23:04,694 --> 01:23:07,447 What do you need a mashugana blonde like that for? 1260 01:23:07,697 --> 01:23:10,158 Now, my sister Lena, she has a daughter. 1261 01:23:12,535 --> 01:23:14,078 Ferguson. 1262 01:23:14,328 --> 01:23:16,622 I had her, but he took her up the elevator shaft. 1263 01:23:16,873 --> 01:23:19,208 All right, what goes up must come down. Come on. 1264 01:23:20,251 --> 01:23:22,837 You're all under arrest! Every one of you! 1265 01:23:28,217 --> 01:23:31,053 $10! Get your $10 flashlight. 1266 01:23:31,304 --> 01:23:34,056 - How about it, sir? - $10 for a flashlight? 1267 01:23:34,307 --> 01:23:37,059 - Supply and demand. - I'm a cop, you know? 1268 01:23:37,310 --> 01:23:39,896 - $2 for a flashlight. 1269 01:23:40,146 --> 01:23:42,523 - Get your <i>$2</i> flashlights. - Where the hell are they? 1270 01:23:46,861 --> 01:23:49,989 Gentlemen, could you tell me exactly what you did during the blackout? 1271 01:23:50,239 --> 01:23:51,782 - Well, I'm a cop and I wanna-- - Is this local or network? 1272 01:23:52,033 --> 01:23:53,284 - Local. - Live or taped? 1273 01:23:53,534 --> 01:23:55,119 Live. 1274 01:23:55,369 --> 01:23:58,414 There is a vampire loose in the city. 1275 01:23:58,664 --> 01:24:01,250 Lock up your wives, your sisters, 1276 01:24:01,501 --> 01:24:04,295 - your daughters, and your sweethearts. - No, no. No, no. 1277 01:24:04,545 --> 01:24:06,130 This is Edward Calvin reporting-- 1278 01:24:06,380 --> 01:24:08,382 - He's already got my girl! - Come on! 1279 01:24:08,633 --> 01:24:10,426 There they are! 1280 01:24:14,305 --> 01:24:15,515 Come on. 1281 01:24:16,933 --> 01:24:18,351 ...reporting on the street coverage-- 1282 01:24:18,601 --> 01:24:20,353 Protect yourself. Looks like a bat! 1283 01:24:20,603 --> 01:24:23,564 Lots of strange happenings. We're gonna find out the details later. 1284 01:24:26,442 --> 01:24:29,070 - Uh, hi, Doc. - Hiya, Russell. 1285 01:24:29,320 --> 01:24:31,364 See ya at the clinic. 1286 01:24:34,534 --> 01:24:36,244 I told you so. 1287 01:24:36,494 --> 01:24:38,663 Maybe it's his therapy. 1288 01:24:38,913 --> 01:24:41,874 Doc, look. A bike. Come on. 1289 01:25:02,979 --> 01:25:05,815 They're following us. Oh, isn't that exciting? 1290 01:25:06,065 --> 01:25:07,275 What, what, what, what, what following? 1291 01:25:07,525 --> 01:25:08,985 What? Something I should know? 1292 01:25:09,235 --> 01:25:11,195 Hang a right on Queens Boulevard. 1293 01:25:11,445 --> 01:25:13,656 Proceed due north on the Van Wyck Expressway. 1294 01:25:13,906 --> 01:25:15,616 Forget the Grand Central and the Belt Parkway. 1295 01:25:15,866 --> 01:25:17,952 - This takes us right in. - Oh, that's terrific. 1296 01:25:18,202 --> 01:25:20,037 Would you like to come up here and help me drive? 1297 01:25:20,288 --> 01:25:21,789 If necessary. 1298 01:25:36,512 --> 01:25:38,139 He's taking the expressway. 1299 01:25:48,065 --> 01:25:50,359 I told you, we're stuck. 1300 01:25:50,610 --> 01:25:52,320 Could be backed up for miles. 1301 01:25:52,570 --> 01:25:56,532 Erwin Newman, driver 10763. 1302 01:25:56,782 --> 01:26:00,453 I command you to defy the laws of centrifugal force. 1303 01:26:00,703 --> 01:26:04,874 - Close your eyes. - Yes, master-- I mean, mister. 1304 01:26:13,883 --> 01:26:15,468 Oh, this is great. 1305 01:26:15,718 --> 01:26:19,055 I-- I won't have to get my tires rotated this month. 1306 01:26:19,305 --> 01:26:22,016 - Drive on the grass. - Oh, that I can't do. 1307 01:26:22,266 --> 01:26:23,643 It's, uh-- it's illegal. 1308 01:26:23,893 --> 01:26:26,103 I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to the car! 1309 01:26:38,741 --> 01:26:40,576 He'll get himself killed doing that. 1310 01:26:40,826 --> 01:26:43,954 I told you, he's already dead. 1311 01:26:58,219 --> 01:27:01,055 Hey, Doc, how much did you say that girl owes you? 1312 01:27:01,305 --> 01:27:04,850 Counting Friday, $7,452, 1313 01:27:05,101 --> 01:27:06,602 but it's not the money. 1314 01:27:06,852 --> 01:27:08,813 There's a good chance I love her. 1315 01:27:15,695 --> 01:27:18,698 - Watch out for that oak tree! - Tell him, lady. 1316 01:27:18,948 --> 01:27:21,325 I haven't been drivin' for the past five minutes. 1317 01:27:39,009 --> 01:27:43,222 - Vladimir! 1318 01:27:49,979 --> 01:27:53,607 Eat your heart out, Burt Reynolds, ha! 1319 01:27:53,858 --> 01:27:56,569 Look, Vladimir, they're still kissing. 1320 01:27:56,819 --> 01:27:58,779 Oh, isn't that sweet? 1321 01:27:59,029 --> 01:28:00,573 How romantic. 1322 01:28:00,823 --> 01:28:03,367 Erwin, put on some music. 1323 01:28:03,617 --> 01:28:06,078 All right! Ha-ha! 1324 01:28:15,379 --> 01:28:17,965 Use the radio! Call for help! 1325 01:28:18,215 --> 01:28:20,509 Yeah, what am I supposed to do? Tell them, "This is Lt. Ferguson, 1326 01:28:20,760 --> 01:28:22,845 I'm on a stolen bike with a psychiatrist 1327 01:28:23,095 --> 01:28:25,347 chasing a vampire who's gonna bite his girl on her neck 1328 01:28:25,598 --> 01:28:28,601 - so she can turn into a bat"? - Yeah, tell 'em that! 1329 01:28:28,851 --> 01:28:30,644 There goes my pension. 1330 01:28:35,524 --> 01:28:37,943 Ah, shoot, we're almost there. 1331 01:28:39,570 --> 01:28:41,447 - How much do I owe you, Erwin? 1332 01:28:41,697 --> 01:28:43,491 What? Owe me? Forget about it. 1333 01:28:43,741 --> 01:28:47,077 I've been driving people to the airport for 32 years 1334 01:28:47,328 --> 01:28:49,705 and this is the first time I ever took a flight. 1335 01:28:49,955 --> 01:28:51,457 Thanks a lot, buddy. 1336 01:28:52,750 --> 01:28:54,835 I only wish the missus was here. 1337 01:29:02,635 --> 01:29:04,428 I don't know how it could have happened. 1338 01:29:04,678 --> 01:29:05,971 It's dreadful. 1339 01:29:06,222 --> 01:29:09,016 The coffin is supposed to be on flight 602 to London. 1340 01:29:09,266 --> 01:29:12,978 When it arrives in Jamaica, it'll be sent on the very next flight to London. 1341 01:29:13,229 --> 01:29:16,315 But that will be too late. My master will disintegrate. 1342 01:29:16,565 --> 01:29:18,567 He'll turn to dust. 1343 01:29:18,818 --> 01:29:21,320 - Renfield. - Oh, master, we have a problem. 1344 01:29:21,570 --> 01:29:23,113 - We have a terrible problem. 1345 01:29:27,701 --> 01:29:30,913 Correction, Renfield. Several terrible problems. 1346 01:29:31,163 --> 01:29:32,748 Age before beauty. Follow me. 1347 01:29:32,998 --> 01:29:35,042 Listen, when you go through customs, be careful with that little bag. 1348 01:29:39,964 --> 01:29:43,175 M-- master, the coffin's on its way to Jamaica! 1349 01:29:43,425 --> 01:29:44,885 So what else is new? 1350 01:29:45,135 --> 01:29:47,555 I'll-- I'll see you in Jamaica. 1351 01:29:50,766 --> 01:29:52,768 - Quick, the runway! - Come on. 1352 01:29:53,018 --> 01:29:56,272 Jamaica. Aisle seat. No smoking. What's the movie? 1353 01:29:56,522 --> 01:29:58,065 "In Cold Blood." 1354 01:30:13,622 --> 01:30:16,125 Vladimir, stop. It's too late. 1355 01:30:19,503 --> 01:30:20,754 There is another way. 1356 01:30:21,005 --> 01:30:23,048 The third bite? 1357 01:30:23,299 --> 01:30:26,010 But I don't know, Vladimir. 1358 01:30:26,260 --> 01:30:29,388 I mean, you're-- you're a beautiful lover. 1359 01:30:29,638 --> 01:30:31,807 And you're a great dancer. 1360 01:30:32,057 --> 01:30:34,476 You go through doors great. 1361 01:30:36,145 --> 01:30:37,897 Of course, I don't know how you're gonna look as a bat. 1362 01:30:38,147 --> 01:30:42,026 I just don't know what to do. You'll have to tell me what to do. 1363 01:30:43,402 --> 01:30:44,904 You must make the choice. 1364 01:30:46,155 --> 01:30:47,907 No. 1365 01:30:48,949 --> 01:30:50,284 As for me... 1366 01:30:53,412 --> 01:30:55,456 in a world without romance... 1367 01:30:57,207 --> 01:30:59,126 it's better to be dead. 1368 01:30:59,376 --> 01:31:02,171 Cindy! Cindy! 1369 01:31:02,421 --> 01:31:05,716 I'm pretty sure I love you. What am I saying? 1370 01:31:05,966 --> 01:31:09,720 Of course I love you! I think. 1371 01:31:10,763 --> 01:31:12,389 Do it now, Vladimir. 1372 01:31:23,609 --> 01:31:28,030 The third way to kill a vampire, Herr Count-- 1373 01:31:28,280 --> 01:31:31,367 a wooden stake through the heart! 1374 01:31:36,038 --> 01:31:37,831 Stop it, Doctor. Stop it, stop it! 1375 01:31:38,082 --> 01:31:39,750 Look-- stop it! It's no good! 1376 01:31:40,000 --> 01:31:41,418 They're gone. See? 1377 01:31:41,669 --> 01:31:43,253 - They disappeared. 1378 01:31:43,504 --> 01:31:45,089 - Gone. - Oh, no. 1379 01:31:45,339 --> 01:31:49,176 Oh, Cindy, Cindy. Don't go. 1380 01:31:49,426 --> 01:31:51,220 Come back. I need you. 1381 01:31:51,470 --> 01:31:53,055 Let's talk about it. 1382 01:31:54,807 --> 01:31:57,309 Look, the check. 1383 01:31:59,269 --> 01:32:01,522 She paid me everything she owes me. 1384 01:32:03,065 --> 01:32:05,484 She left me, but she learned something. 1385 01:32:07,152 --> 01:32:10,990 She's a responsible person. Or whatever. 1386 01:32:16,161 --> 01:32:19,540 What was it with that guy? I mean, what did he have? 1387 01:32:19,790 --> 01:32:21,125 Was it the accent? 1388 01:32:21,375 --> 01:32:22,543 Good evening. 1389 01:32:22,793 --> 01:32:25,295 No, I think it was the cape. 1390 01:32:25,546 --> 01:32:27,006 - The cape? - The cape. 1391 01:32:27,256 --> 01:32:30,634 - Don't be ridicul-- - Try it on. 1392 01:32:30,884 --> 01:32:32,386 Let's see what it looks like. 1393 01:32:34,096 --> 01:32:35,264 There. 1394 01:32:37,307 --> 01:32:39,476 - What do you think? - Hmm. 1395 01:32:39,727 --> 01:32:42,021 Definitely. It was the cape. 1396 01:32:42,271 --> 01:32:44,982 - It really looks terrific on you. - You think so? 1397 01:32:45,232 --> 01:32:46,775 I think so. 1398 01:32:48,110 --> 01:32:50,529 Listen, um, 1399 01:32:50,779 --> 01:32:53,490 Doc, I have an anniversary coming up, my tenth. 1400 01:32:53,741 --> 01:32:56,744 And if I came home this Friday night 1401 01:32:56,994 --> 01:32:59,246 with a bottle of wine, a dozen roses, wearing that cape, 1402 01:32:59,496 --> 01:33:01,707 I think it would drive my wife up the wall. 1403 01:33:01,957 --> 01:33:04,710 Can I borrow it for just one night, please? 1404 01:33:07,379 --> 01:33:09,173 - All right. - Thanks, Doc. 1405 01:33:09,423 --> 01:33:11,341 But I want it back Saturday for the weekend. 1406 01:33:11,592 --> 01:33:13,677 Sure, and I'll even have it cleaned. All right? 1407 01:33:13,927 --> 01:33:15,596 - Okay. - Thanks. 1408 01:33:26,857 --> 01:33:28,901 Cindy: Oh, this isn't it so hard. 1409 01:33:29,151 --> 01:33:31,403 I think I'm gonna love immortality. 1410 01:33:31,653 --> 01:33:34,656 Dracula: There is one small disadvantage. 1411 01:33:34,907 --> 01:33:36,742 We can only live by night. 1412 01:33:36,992 --> 01:33:38,327 Cindy: Oh, that's all right with me. 1413 01:33:38,577 --> 01:33:41,747 I mean, I could never really get my shit together till 7:00 anyway. 1414 01:34:03,435 --> 01:34:07,189 Fly by 1415 01:34:07,439 --> 01:34:11,151 Fly by night 1416 01:34:11,401 --> 01:34:14,905 Fly by 1417 01:34:15,155 --> 01:34:18,826 Fly by night 1418 01:34:19,076 --> 01:34:23,163 Fly by night, sleep in the daytime 1419 01:34:23,413 --> 01:34:27,084 Fly by night, sleep by day 1420 01:34:27,334 --> 01:34:30,879 Fly by night, sleep in the daytime 1421 01:34:31,130 --> 01:34:35,926 Fly by night, sleep by day 1422 01:34:36,176 --> 01:34:40,055 In the gloom of the evening when the sun goes down 1423 01:34:40,305 --> 01:34:43,767 I get a brand-new feelin', I have to get around 1424 01:34:44,017 --> 01:34:47,688 Don't you know that the nighttime, it never does you wrong 1425 01:34:47,938 --> 01:34:51,900 Sweet melody of twilight, come carry me along 1426 01:34:52,151 --> 01:34:55,946 Every night I wake up, the moon is shinin' strong 1427 01:34:56,196 --> 01:34:59,700 Pull myself together to fly the whole night long 1428 01:34:59,950 --> 01:35:03,579 Don't you know that moonlight never hurts your eyes 1429 01:35:03,829 --> 01:35:09,418 That's why at nighttime it's easier to fly 1430 01:35:09,668 --> 01:35:13,172 Fly by 1431 01:35:13,422 --> 01:35:17,092 Fly by night 1432 01:35:17,342 --> 01:35:20,846 Fly by 1433 01:35:21,096 --> 01:35:24,850 Fly by night 1434 01:35:25,100 --> 01:35:28,687 Darkness cast a spell on me, it makes me come alive 1435 01:35:28,937 --> 01:35:32,774 Left the days, I could live without, night was made for flying 1436 01:35:33,025 --> 01:35:36,486 Fly by 1437 01:35:36,737 --> 01:35:40,365 Fly by night 1438 01:35:40,616 --> 01:35:44,244 Fly by 1439 01:35:44,494 --> 01:35:48,207 Fly by night 1440 01:35:48,457 --> 01:35:52,085 Fly by 1441 01:35:52,336 --> 01:35:55,214 Fly by night. 1441 01:35:56,305 --> 01:36:56,847 -== [ www.OpenSubtitles.com ] ==-