"Robot Chicken" Robot Chicken Self-Discovery Special

1 00:00:06,373 --> 00:00:08,607 {\an8}We all paid 80 bucks for the blue hats, right? 2 00:00:08,608 --> 00:00:09,808 {\an8}-Yeah. -Yup. 3 00:00:09,809 --> 00:00:11,210 {\an8}-Debit card got rejected. -We can't be 4 00:00:11,211 --> 00:00:13,846 {\an8}The Cerulean Chapeaus until you buy the damn hat, 5 00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,881 Camden! -Look at me. 6 00:00:15,882 --> 00:00:18,250 {\an8}I'm an elephant. -Mom! 7 00:00:18,251 --> 00:00:19,852 {\an8}Did Dr. Chen renew the prescription 8 00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,487 {\an8}for your rectal shingles, or not? 9 00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:23,789 {\an8}Like a roof in your butt? 10 00:00:23,790 --> 00:00:24,890 {\an8}Eugh! 11 00:00:26,559 --> 00:00:29,695 {\an8}My mom won't give me one nanosecond of peace! 12 00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:31,397 {\an8}I was going to the Walgreens. 13 00:00:31,398 --> 00:00:34,033 {\an8}I'm not making two trips to the Walgreens. 14 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,934 It's such an honor to meet the A-list actor 15 00:00:35,935 --> 00:00:37,703 who took the C-list comic character 16 00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,304 to a B-list movie character. 17 00:00:39,305 --> 00:00:42,041 Oh, so this is Mr. Strange! 18 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:44,143 Mom! What the fuck are you doing?! 19 00:00:44,144 --> 00:00:46,345 Oh! It's so nice to meet you, Mr. Strange. 20 00:00:46,346 --> 00:00:48,981 Enchanté. Boop, boo, boo! 21 00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:52,151 Charmed. 50 bucks, kid. 22 00:00:52,152 --> 00:00:53,752 So, what's on the agenda today? 23 00:00:53,753 --> 00:00:56,355 Mother-son boudoir photography? 24 00:00:56,356 --> 00:00:58,157 Wha-ack-what-what?! 25 00:00:58,158 --> 00:01:00,459 I would rather pull off all my skin, 26 00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:03,429 roll it up like a Fruit Roll-Up, and then eat it. 27 00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:05,497 Would you do that on camera? 28 00:01:05,498 --> 00:01:09,234 And three, two... Drop the robes! 29 00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:11,637 Ta-da! 30 00:01:11,638 --> 00:01:14,273 These will make such a lovely Christmas card! 31 00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:17,509 Oh, my stars and garters. What is happening?! 32 00:01:17,510 --> 00:01:19,679 The Benedick has arrived. 33 00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:22,648 Oh. That's nice. 34 00:01:26,786 --> 00:01:28,253 -Ooh! -What is <i>that?</i> 35 00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:31,323 It does look a little <i>strange.</i> 36 00:01:31,324 --> 00:01:33,859 No shit, Sherlock. 37 00:01:33,860 --> 00:01:36,728 But seriously, kid, get that checked out. 38 00:01:36,729 --> 00:01:40,999 I'm Zak Bagans, and this is "Ghost Adventures". 39 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,168 Tonight, we explore this abandoned 40 00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:45,904 seasonal inflatable lawn decoration factory. 41 00:01:45,905 --> 00:01:49,675 Is it a paranormal hotbed or just a lot of hot air? 42 00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:52,077 -Whoa, dude! -We'll cut Aaron's line in post. 43 00:01:54,380 --> 00:01:55,647 Broooo. 44 00:01:55,648 --> 00:01:57,916 The Zak-ometer's going crazy. 45 00:01:57,917 --> 00:02:00,119 Da-da-da-daaa! 46 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,554 Welcome to Ghost Bitchventures 47 00:02:02,555 --> 00:02:05,624 starring yours truly, Bitch Pudding. Blam! 48 00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,559 -I'm Zak Bagans. -Wow! 49 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,928 It's the bass player in every ska band. 50 00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:14,099 -No, this is my Zak-ometer. -No shit? 51 00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:15,801 We're shooting a TV show for Travel Channel. 52 00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,836 I'm making my <i>own</i> show for Travel Channel. 53 00:02:17,837 --> 00:02:20,405 Guess we'll see who makes a better show then, Bloggins! 54 00:02:20,406 --> 00:02:22,107 Guess we will! 55 00:02:22,108 --> 00:02:24,176 Da-da-da-daaa! 56 00:02:24,177 --> 00:02:26,278 Just between us paranormal professionals... 57 00:02:26,279 --> 00:02:28,380 did a ghost ever finger your fun hole? 58 00:02:28,381 --> 00:02:30,315 Naw, naw, no. That's absurd. 59 00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:32,417 Ghosts are voices from the other side, 60 00:02:32,418 --> 00:02:34,520 desperate to communicate with the living. 61 00:02:34,521 --> 00:02:37,289 New question. Slenderman wants to finger your fun hole... 62 00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:40,759 he'll give you $500, but it's in ghost dollars. 63 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,227 What do you do? 64 00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:44,029 Nobody's fingering any fun holes. 65 00:02:45,598 --> 00:02:47,766 Aaron! 66 00:02:47,767 --> 00:02:49,668 Bro, tell me you got that on tape. 67 00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:54,273 I am the ghost of the seasonal inflatable lawn decoration 68 00:02:54,274 --> 00:02:55,774 factory killer. 69 00:02:55,775 --> 00:02:59,077 Proof! 34 seasons and we finally have proof! 70 00:02:59,078 --> 00:03:01,079 -Aaron! -Yes, sir? 71 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,982 Would you let Slenderman finger your fun hole 72 00:03:03,983 --> 00:03:07,687 for 500 ghost dollars? 73 00:03:09,455 --> 00:03:13,592 Is... he paying me or am I paying him? 74 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:16,261 You stupid idiot! 75 00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:18,231 Da-da-da-daaa! 76 00:03:19,999 --> 00:03:22,267 Zak! It is I. 77 00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:24,736 Jackpot! This is the real deal! 78 00:03:24,737 --> 00:03:28,373 Tell us, why did you do those terrible things here 79 00:03:28,374 --> 00:03:31,476 in the seasonal inflatable lawn decoration factory? 80 00:03:31,477 --> 00:03:33,011 I will tell you... 81 00:03:33,012 --> 00:03:37,282 if you let my BFF Slenderman finger your fun hole. 82 00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:39,017 Jesus Christ, Bitch Pudding! 83 00:03:39,018 --> 00:03:40,485 Do you know how much this camera crew costs? 84 00:03:41,988 --> 00:03:43,455 Da-da-da-daaa! 85 00:03:43,456 --> 00:03:47,427 Are you the ghost or did a dinosaur shit out Prince Philip? 86 00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:51,897 Not topical anymore? Okay. 87 00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,665 Oh, noooooo! 88 00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:57,102 My camera! 89 00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:01,106 Ghost Bitchventures! 90 00:04:03,009 --> 00:04:04,343 Aah! 91 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,349 Oh, wow! 92 00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:11,451 Oh, shit! 93 00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,119 Blam! 94 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:17,823 Whoo! 95 00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:20,726 Consider this myth... busted. 96 00:04:20,727 --> 00:04:22,594 Wrong show. 97 00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:25,364 The state of our oceans is in crisis. 98 00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:28,000 Human-caused pollution and global warming 99 00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:31,603 has made the world's oceans unlivable for many species. 100 00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:34,673 Forced migration was inevitable. 101 00:04:34,674 --> 00:04:39,012 Invasive species are never welcomed by native wildlife. 102 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:45,218 You know how fast you were going? 103 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,689 Had anything to drink tonight? 104 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:57,996 He's running! He's running! 105 00:04:57,997 --> 00:05:00,465 Is this the future anyone wants? 106 00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:02,301 This is Shark Week. 107 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,403 Let's keep our oceans beautiful 108 00:05:04,404 --> 00:05:06,838 and keep sea life where it belongs... 109 00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:09,208 in the sea. 110 00:05:10,176 --> 00:05:12,344 Ugh. 111 00:05:12,345 --> 00:05:16,049 Wh... Wh... Where am I, and why am I... naked?! 112 00:05:18,117 --> 00:05:20,052 Greetings, Bat-fool! 113 00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:24,389 Let's see how you like being Naked and Afraid! 114 00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:26,892 Naked? Yes, undeniable... there's my Bat-dick. 115 00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:28,293 Afraid? Never. 116 00:05:28,294 --> 00:05:30,062 No, that's the name of the show. 117 00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:32,964 You must survive "Naked and Afraid", 118 00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:36,601 or I'll blow up the Naked and Afraid Experience 119 00:05:36,602 --> 00:05:38,136 at Warner Bros Movie World! 120 00:05:38,137 --> 00:05:40,639 No! It's Australia's hidden gem! 121 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:45,777 Then I suppose you'll be playing my game! 122 00:05:45,778 --> 00:05:48,046 What, like this is supposed to be hard? I'm Batman. 123 00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:50,382 In the morning I'll build a boat, sail to Gotham City, 124 00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:52,384 and punch Riddler right in the balls. 125 00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:55,854 Meow, room on that boat for one more? Meow. 126 00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:57,256 Catwoman! 127 00:05:59,559 --> 00:06:02,627 Meow. Looks like we've got an Adam and Eve situation 128 00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:04,696 happening here, Batman. Meow! 129 00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:07,499 Yeah, only if Eve belonged in Arkham Asylum 130 00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:10,035 and Adam could bench press 550 pounds... 131 00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:12,771 560, whatever. -Oh, fucking meow! 132 00:06:12,772 --> 00:06:15,140 We're trapped on a deserted island with no clothes, 133 00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:17,909 and you still won't look at me from the neck down. Meow! 134 00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:19,478 Oh, no, just... I'm just thinking about 135 00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:21,179 my mother's bullet-riddled corpse. 136 00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:24,050 -Meow. -Ugh, I'm an open book. 137 00:06:26,452 --> 00:06:29,020 We should hit civilization with about 3 to 4 weeks 138 00:06:29,021 --> 00:06:30,890 of strong paddling, Robin. 139 00:06:32,358 --> 00:06:34,660 Guess this is our view for the next month, huh? 140 00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:40,999 Meow, Batman! Volleyball Robin! 141 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:44,169 Riddler was watching us from his tree fort the whole time. 142 00:06:44,170 --> 00:06:46,605 Want to help me tie him to a fire ant hill? 143 00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:48,039 I can whip him with a palm. 144 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,341 No, don't! 145 00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:50,609 You can come inside my bat cave. 146 00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:51,877 We're going home! 147 00:06:51,878 --> 00:06:53,545 You can make your own boat, Selina! 148 00:06:53,546 --> 00:06:55,380 Meow, oh, you'll be back! 149 00:06:55,381 --> 00:06:59,050 After all, palm tree sap dissolves in saltwater, stupid. 150 00:06:59,051 --> 00:07:01,052 Oh! What the fuck! 151 00:07:01,053 --> 00:07:03,488 Mayday! Gentlemen, it has been an honor! 152 00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:06,158 Robin? Wait, no, Robin! Where are you go...? 153 00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,627 Robin! 154 00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:11,229 {\an8}As longtime viewers know, I'm very unlucky in love. 155 00:07:11,230 --> 00:07:14,099 {\an8}But I've met someone very special online. 156 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:17,936 So today, I'm traveling to her hometown to propose. 157 00:07:20,039 --> 00:07:21,740 -It's a beast! -Giant coming! 158 00:07:21,741 --> 00:07:23,742 Hey! Stop that! Ow! Ow! Oops! 159 00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:25,077 Whoa! 160 00:07:28,147 --> 00:07:29,448 Big Ed! 161 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,750 Wow. You really are big. 162 00:07:31,751 --> 00:07:34,853 Mary, you look normal size in our nude Facetimes. 163 00:07:34,854 --> 00:07:38,156 I knew I should have asked for a banana for scale. 164 00:07:38,157 --> 00:07:39,925 I am the King of Lilliput! 165 00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:44,062 Any man who wants to marry my daughter must prove his worth. 166 00:07:45,498 --> 00:07:47,098 Ah, fuck! The pooping dragon! 167 00:07:47,099 --> 00:07:49,134 Run for cover! 168 00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:52,070 He probably smells all the mayo I put in my hair. 169 00:07:52,071 --> 00:07:53,238 Get outta here! 170 00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:55,707 Big Ed, you have saved our kingdom 171 00:07:55,708 --> 00:07:57,843 from the hot white liquid death. 172 00:07:57,844 --> 00:08:00,111 You may have my daughter's hand. 173 00:08:00,112 --> 00:08:02,514 This is the best news! 174 00:08:02,515 --> 00:08:04,015 Da, da, da, da. 175 00:08:04,016 --> 00:08:05,751 Whoa! 176 00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:10,389 Mary? You good? 177 00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:15,660 {\an8}Hi there, Mr. Nerd. 178 00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:17,796 I'm Dr. Toesenhoofer. What brings you here? 179 00:08:17,797 --> 00:08:20,632 You're the cheapest doctor on my mom's insurance plan... 180 00:08:20,633 --> 00:08:22,200 thanks, Obama... but I figured 181 00:08:22,201 --> 00:08:24,102 feet are just muscle, bones, and skin. 182 00:08:24,103 --> 00:08:26,037 How's that any different from the rest of my body? 183 00:08:26,038 --> 00:08:29,241 You probably just focus on feet to feel special, right? 184 00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:30,976 I've got one who can see. 185 00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:32,878 Wait! I really do need your help. 186 00:08:32,879 --> 00:08:34,980 Gross! 187 00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:38,283 So... Sorry. That was unprofessional. 188 00:08:38,284 --> 00:08:42,020 Ooh. Let's cut open this foot... 189 00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:44,523 er, thing... and... and take a look inside. 190 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,424 Shouldn't we do some tests first? 191 00:08:46,425 --> 00:08:49,761 All my tests are for feet. Okay, just a small incision. 192 00:08:49,762 --> 00:08:53,098 Oh, my God! What the heck is that? 193 00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:55,100 It's a teratoma, a benign tumor... 194 00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:57,035 sometimes containing the cells of a twin. 195 00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:58,937 Ooh. This one has excellent feet. 196 00:08:58,938 --> 00:09:01,206 So I have a brother? 197 00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,375 Wazzup! 198 00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:06,177 Wow, he's so cool. He'll need a cool name. 199 00:09:06,178 --> 00:09:08,713 How about James Dean or Keanu? 200 00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:12,150 Wolverine? Jamesdean Keanu-Wolverine! 201 00:09:12,151 --> 00:09:13,718 Oh. That's cute. 202 00:09:13,719 --> 00:09:16,254 Anyway, this disgusting growth should die off naturally 203 00:09:16,255 --> 00:09:17,489 in about 90 days. 204 00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:19,691 What? No! We just met. 205 00:09:19,692 --> 00:09:22,093 I have so much to show him about the world. 206 00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:24,296 Settlers of Catan. The McRib. 207 00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:26,197 -Sex tourism. -Oh, man. 208 00:09:26,198 --> 00:09:29,167 You'll never fall in love and get married. 209 00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:32,871 It was always a dream to be an usher at my brother's wedding. 210 00:09:32,872 --> 00:09:37,276 A wedding in 90 days? I might know some people. Wink. 211 00:09:40,046 --> 00:09:41,313 {\an8}My name Jordashe, 212 00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:43,615 {\an8}22-year-old Romanian villager. 213 00:09:43,616 --> 00:09:46,585 {\an8}Dream to find love with American husband 214 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:50,889 {\an8}and live new life in U.S.A. with the ham-borg-er 215 00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:53,358 and the riding lawnmower. 216 00:09:53,359 --> 00:09:57,095 I have been e-mailing with cute boy named James Dean. 217 00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:59,297 Jordashe! It's us! 218 00:09:59,298 --> 00:10:00,699 You not James Dean. 219 00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:03,101 Meet your new love of your life! 220 00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:04,636 Buenos dias, baby. 221 00:10:04,637 --> 00:10:06,304 You did not tell me you were attached 222 00:10:06,305 --> 00:10:09,240 to ugly human nerd. Not cool, bro. 223 00:10:09,241 --> 00:10:12,645 True, I didn't, but daddy brought you a Squishmallow. 224 00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:15,180 Okay. 225 00:10:15,181 --> 00:10:17,616 You have a lovely home, Mrs. Chow-cheff-skew. 226 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,651 Thanks your, Green Card. 227 00:10:19,652 --> 00:10:23,521 It's a house where I born. It's house where I die. 228 00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:28,360 So is this, like, your erection or mine? 229 00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:30,362 I gotta confess something, sweet tits. 230 00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:32,230 I'm gonna die in 90 days. 231 00:10:32,231 --> 00:10:35,166 This Romania. I hope I die in 90 days. 232 00:10:35,167 --> 00:10:37,003 Okay. 233 00:10:38,104 --> 00:10:40,171 Wow. I love the village life. 234 00:10:40,172 --> 00:10:43,775 Ooh, and look at those Slavic hotties giving us the eyeball. 235 00:10:43,776 --> 00:10:45,310 Oooh, hello, Greenie! 236 00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,945 Well, too bad you're spoken for. 237 00:10:46,946 --> 00:10:48,380 You wanna be my wingman? 238 00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:51,282 Buckethead! "Romanian Bar"... That sound like accent. 239 00:10:51,283 --> 00:10:53,485 I'm so excited for this wedding. 240 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,387 Should we have invited our parents? 241 00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:57,022 That seems like an oversight. 242 00:10:59,525 --> 00:11:01,359 Are we still at the bar? 243 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:02,927 I feel a lot of tongues. 244 00:11:02,928 --> 00:11:04,329 Are we at a petting zoo? 245 00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:06,097 Shut up! Just keep that bucket on. 246 00:11:06,098 --> 00:11:08,967 Do you, Meal ticket, take this woman 247 00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:11,636 to be your legally wedded USA wife? 248 00:11:11,637 --> 00:11:13,905 -I do, babe. -And do you, 249 00:11:13,906 --> 00:11:16,641 Jordache Alucard Chow-cheff-skew, 250 00:11:16,642 --> 00:11:18,176 take this man... -Oooh, hello, baby. 251 00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:20,512 Hey, it's the three ladies who took us to the petting zoo 252 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,147 last night! -Petting zoo? 253 00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:25,583 I am familiar with American euphemisms. 254 00:11:25,584 --> 00:11:26,951 Cheating dog! Stab stab! 255 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:31,890 Jamesdean Keanu-Wolverine! No! 256 00:11:31,891 --> 00:11:34,459 Better to burn out 257 00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:36,061 than fade away. 258 00:11:36,062 --> 00:11:37,930 Keep on ro... 259 00:11:40,833 --> 00:11:43,201 That... That was so cool. 260 00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:46,004 Say, don't people usually poop their pants when they die? 261 00:11:47,339 --> 00:11:49,407 Oh, there it is. 262 00:11:49,408 --> 00:11:51,810 This week on "This Came Out of Me". 263 00:11:51,811 --> 00:11:53,278 This came out of me. 264 00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:55,180 That's a baby, ma'am. 265 00:11:55,181 --> 00:11:57,882 Should I put it back in? 266 00:11:57,883 --> 00:11:59,617 Hey, everybody. Guy Fieri... 267 00:11:59,618 --> 00:12:02,253 not Fury, not Fi-ally, not Gus Ferrari. 268 00:12:02,254 --> 00:12:04,355 We're rolling out to find the greatest diners, 269 00:12:04,356 --> 00:12:05,757 drive-ins, and dives. 270 00:12:05,758 --> 00:12:08,126 Today, we're checking out Gargamel's Hate House 271 00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:10,895 off exit 13 of the New Jersey Turnpike. 272 00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:15,366 Okay, first impressions? Absolutely zero customers. 273 00:12:15,367 --> 00:12:17,902 I'm met the owner to get the lowdown on the showdown. 274 00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:20,638 There's no foot traffic in the middle of a forest. 275 00:12:20,639 --> 00:12:24,743 Plus, everyone in the village says I'm an evil wizard. Blegh. 276 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,077 Oh, right. 277 00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:27,445 The unpaid parking tickets. 278 00:12:27,446 --> 00:12:29,714 I kind of turned the mayor into a frog about it. 279 00:12:29,715 --> 00:12:32,484 Um, does that cat understand English? 280 00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:34,853 -Barely. -But things change quite a bit 281 00:12:34,854 --> 00:12:36,387 when I tried the house specialty, 282 00:12:36,388 --> 00:12:38,891 Chef Gargamel's famous Smurf Pie. 283 00:12:41,393 --> 00:12:45,063 The crust is super flaky. The vanilla, the pine nuts. 284 00:12:45,064 --> 00:12:47,665 And wow, there's, like, this little savory pork 285 00:12:47,666 --> 00:12:49,634 that melts in your mouth right at the end. 286 00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:51,236 What is that? 287 00:12:51,237 --> 00:12:54,139 -That's the Smurf. -What is a Smurf? 288 00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:56,074 Oh, it's just local woodland creature 289 00:12:56,075 --> 00:12:57,375 indigenous to these parts, 290 00:12:57,376 --> 00:13:00,545 which I sometimes hunt for food and sport. 291 00:13:00,546 --> 00:13:02,047 Help us, help us, help us! 292 00:13:04,683 --> 00:13:06,050 Alright, Chef, you gotta walk me through it. 293 00:13:06,051 --> 00:13:08,353 Is it line caught or net caught? What is the yield? 294 00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:11,256 Is it boiled or baked? Is it brined or marinated? 295 00:13:11,257 --> 00:13:15,126 The flavor is rocking the house. -Thank you, Guy Fieri. 296 00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:18,696 You truly live up to the legends. 297 00:13:18,697 --> 00:13:20,398 Say, Guy, would you like to... 298 00:13:20,399 --> 00:13:22,901 Would you care to go on a grocery run with me? 299 00:13:22,902 --> 00:13:23,902 Yes. 300 00:13:23,903 --> 00:13:25,436 Run! 301 00:13:29,441 --> 00:13:30,943 -Oh, yeah! -Whoo-hoo! 302 00:13:34,013 --> 00:13:36,014 Hark! I am Crab Woman! 303 00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:37,749 I am in trouble. 304 00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:39,918 You see, I accidentally opened my briefcase 305 00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:41,853 full of crabs, which are my babies, 306 00:13:41,854 --> 00:13:43,822 and they all scurried away. 307 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:46,291 I fear they've been caught and eaten. 308 00:13:46,292 --> 00:13:47,592 I am Crab Woman! 309 00:13:47,593 --> 00:13:49,761 We'll help you get all of your crabs. 310 00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:51,196 For you, of course. 311 00:13:51,197 --> 00:13:52,630 Oh, thank you! 312 00:13:52,631 --> 00:13:55,433 Now let's sail around aimlessly searching for them. 313 00:13:55,434 --> 00:13:58,770 Search aimlessly? No way. I'm out. 314 00:13:58,771 --> 00:13:59,771 Sorry. 315 00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:01,372 Jake's just being "crabby". 316 00:14:01,373 --> 00:14:03,875 I like that about him. 317 00:14:03,876 --> 00:14:05,243 Whoopsie! 318 00:14:05,244 --> 00:14:07,912 -Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! -Oh! The crabs got all over you. 319 00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:11,082 I will crab-solutely brush them off. 320 00:14:11,083 --> 00:14:13,017 Clamp! I know it was you 321 00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:14,552 who's been killing my crab babies. 322 00:14:14,553 --> 00:14:16,821 Now you're going to pay! 323 00:14:16,822 --> 00:14:18,456 Ah! Crab BJ! 324 00:14:18,457 --> 00:14:20,525 Surprise! 325 00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:24,629 I guess you could say I was your deadliest catch. 326 00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,466 {\an8}And so the legend of Crab Woman is born. 327 00:14:28,467 --> 00:14:30,735 {\an8}I am Crab Woman! 328 00:14:30,736 --> 00:14:32,003 What do you want me to do? 329 00:14:32,004 --> 00:14:34,005 Say your name and what your addiction is. 330 00:14:34,006 --> 00:14:35,506 -What? -Say your name 331 00:14:35,507 --> 00:14:37,008 and what your addiction is. 332 00:14:37,009 --> 00:14:39,477 Okay. My name is Larry, 333 00:14:39,478 --> 00:14:45,351 and I'm addicted to... foghorns! 334 00:14:46,585 --> 00:14:49,755 Foghorns! 335 00:14:51,523 --> 00:14:52,991 Fo... 336 00:14:52,992 --> 00:14:54,859 Heads up, gang. That greedy hotel owner 337 00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:57,095 says the ghost looks like a guy in a gorilla suit 338 00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:59,998 with a frying pan on his head. 339 00:14:59,999 --> 00:15:02,700 Jinkies! The Ghost Adventures crew. 340 00:15:02,701 --> 00:15:05,103 Does that, like, mean there's, like, a real ghost? 341 00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:07,105 Don't worry, buddy, 342 00:15:07,106 --> 00:15:09,774 you just need to let them know that we come in peace. 343 00:15:09,775 --> 00:15:13,978 Oh spirits, be not afraid! 344 00:15:13,979 --> 00:15:16,614 I'm sure it can all be explained with science. 345 00:15:16,615 --> 00:15:19,117 Oh, it's a ghost. And we'll prove it. 346 00:15:19,118 --> 00:15:20,386 Nerds! 347 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:23,154 Oh, check out th... Nah-uh. 348 00:15:29,161 --> 00:15:32,964 Uh-oh! Everybody out! 349 00:15:32,965 --> 00:15:34,899 Well, gang, we cracked it. 350 00:15:34,900 --> 00:15:37,468 A carbon monoxide leak was making people believe 351 00:15:37,469 --> 00:15:40,171 this old place was haunted. -If it was a gas leak, 352 00:15:40,172 --> 00:15:42,607 why is the Zak-ometer going crazy? 353 00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,909 Like, maybe it's smelling your Taco Bell farts 354 00:15:44,910 --> 00:15:46,611 like the rest of us. 355 00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,446 I think something dark is inside that place, 356 00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:51,516 and I won't leave until I find out what it is. 357 00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:53,885 Come on, Scoob, like, what's the holdup? 358 00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,553 I'll tell you what the holdup is. 359 00:15:55,554 --> 00:15:58,423 Scoob is a Ghost Adventurer now! 360 00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:01,292 Reah! Ri'm ra Rost Radventurer row. 361 00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,294 -Huh? -No, Scooby. 362 00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:04,796 That son of a bitch. 363 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:08,767 Like, man, that place is still full of carbon monoxide. 364 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:16,074 Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE www.osdb.link/lm 365 00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:24,516 -Oui. -Oui. 366 00:16:27,286 --> 00:16:28,953 Oh, no! 367 00:16:30,055 --> 00:16:31,890 Help us! 368 00:16:34,126 --> 00:16:35,960 -Oui. -Oui. 369 00:16:35,961 --> 00:16:37,362 Baguette. 370 00:16:52,277 --> 00:16:54,145 Ceci est de I'art. 371 00:16:54,146 --> 00:16:55,814 Oui. 372 00:17:07,993 --> 00:17:09,962 Oui. 373 00:17:11,096 --> 00:17:13,665 Oui. 374 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:22,774 I sense you're trying to contact a departed loved one. 375 00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:24,942 -Yes. -I'm getting the letter T. 376 00:17:24,943 --> 00:17:28,613 Wow, you are good. He was a tumor. See? 377 00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:32,016 Oh, my gawd, you brought the body with you. 378 00:17:32,017 --> 00:17:35,053 I've never done of reading this fresh before. 379 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:38,689 Oh, I'm getting... I'm... uh... 380 00:17:38,690 --> 00:17:41,526 I'm, ugh, getting the... ugh... 381 00:17:41,527 --> 00:17:43,528 Oh. He's getting worked up about something, honey. 382 00:17:43,529 --> 00:17:46,364 I gotta break contact, otherwise he might... 383 00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,868 Uh, Mrs. Medium? 384 00:17:50,869 --> 00:17:53,004 Wazzup! 385 00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:56,441 -Jamesdean? Is that you? -You jabroni! 386 00:17:56,442 --> 00:17:58,376 You got me stabbed at my own wedding! 387 00:17:58,377 --> 00:17:59,577 I'm gonna kill you! 388 00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:01,412 Ahhh! 389 00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:03,314 Hi, I'm Zak Bagans. 390 00:18:03,315 --> 00:18:05,349 Rand Ri'm Rooby Raggins. 391 00:18:05,350 --> 00:18:07,485 Ruh-ro! Ret's ret routta rere! 392 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:12,123 Oh, that does it! No more reality shows! 393 00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:13,958 You'll never see me again! 394 00:18:13,959 --> 00:18:15,760 My brother thinks he's safe, 395 00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:19,964 but I'll sip his steaming blood from his hollowed-out skull. 396 00:18:19,965 --> 00:18:23,434 Next time on Staten Island Medium. 397 00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:27,271 Moonshiners, I come from the Moon Kingdom. 398 00:18:27,272 --> 00:18:30,341 You are destined to protect this realm from evil. 399 00:18:30,342 --> 00:18:32,610 Now hurry. Put these on. -Well, shoot. 400 00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,812 I ain't one to question a talking raccoon. 401 00:18:34,813 --> 00:18:36,314 Moonshine-rific! 402 00:18:36,315 --> 00:18:39,417 Whoo! Does this tickle your pickle, too? 403 00:18:39,418 --> 00:18:40,785 Whoa! 404 00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:43,054 Well, damn, we look great. 405 00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:45,022 Whelp, time to save the world. 406 00:18:45,023 --> 00:18:48,493 Yes! Eat from my never-ending pies. 407 00:18:48,494 --> 00:18:51,496 All your energy shall be mine! 408 00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:56,734 We come to thwart your evil doing, scary sexy lady! 409 00:18:56,735 --> 00:18:58,870 Why can't I steal your energy? 410 00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:01,172 It's like there's a force protecting it. 411 00:19:01,173 --> 00:19:02,907 Moonshine's a depressant. 412 00:19:02,908 --> 00:19:05,710 Our senses have been dulled for years. 413 00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:08,813 In the name of the moonshine, we'll punish you! 414 00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:11,349 I don't have a catchphrase! 415 00:19:11,350 --> 00:19:16,187 Curse you, Sailor Moonshiners! 416 00:19:16,188 --> 00:19:18,289 -Up top! -Slap this thing! 417 00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:22,026 Oh, no, I think I ripped my space overalls. 418 00:19:22,027 --> 00:19:23,761 Hey, kid, what'll it be? 419 00:19:23,762 --> 00:19:26,764 Give me a strawberry moonshine. Large. 420 00:19:26,765 --> 00:19:28,199 Welcome to Alaska, stranger. 421 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,967 What reality show are you on? 422 00:19:29,968 --> 00:19:31,102 Reality show? 423 00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:32,503 Everyone in this town, 424 00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:35,640 heck, most everyone in Alaska has a docu-series 425 00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:37,742 on the Discovery Channel. 426 00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:40,478 We got Shawn Pomeranke from "Bering Sea Gold", 427 00:19:40,479 --> 00:19:43,247 Todd Hoffman from "Hoffman Family Gold", 428 00:19:43,248 --> 00:19:45,716 Marty Raney from "Homestead Rescue"... 429 00:19:45,717 --> 00:19:47,451 not sure if there's gold in that one... 430 00:19:47,452 --> 00:19:50,488 Jonathan Hillstrand from "Deadliest Catch", 431 00:19:50,489 --> 00:19:53,691 "The Alaska Killer Bigfoot", I could go on... -Hey, now! 432 00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:55,660 I'm just here to get off the grid, 433 00:19:55,661 --> 00:19:59,363 build my own shelter, hunt my own food, and face the elements. 434 00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:03,000 -Oh, they're gonna love you. -Excuse me, sir. 435 00:20:03,001 --> 00:20:04,502 Are you 600 pounds or more? 436 00:20:04,503 --> 00:20:05,903 Do you build your own shelter in a remote area? 437 00:20:05,904 --> 00:20:08,039 No, no, no, thank you. 438 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:11,777 No! No! No! No more reality TV! 439 00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:15,813 Oh, thank God, I think I lost them. 440 00:20:15,814 --> 00:20:17,915 Hah, you know, the great thing about Alaska 441 00:20:17,916 --> 00:20:20,184 is making a snowman. 442 00:20:20,185 --> 00:20:21,852 Welcome back to Staten Island Medium. 443 00:20:21,853 --> 00:20:24,021 In this episode, I predict your death. 444 00:20:24,022 --> 00:20:27,425 You forgot one thing, Evil Twin. 445 00:20:27,426 --> 00:20:30,361 The power of callbacks! 446 00:20:30,362 --> 00:20:33,097 Are you ready for your Benediction? 447 00:20:33,098 --> 00:20:34,865 Whoa! Be still my wiener. Whoa! Be still my vagina. 448 00:20:34,866 --> 00:20:37,101 Is that naked Benedict Cumberbatch? 449 00:20:37,102 --> 00:20:40,304 Let's get cumbersome. 450 00:20:40,305 --> 00:20:41,472 -Fire it up! -Hello! 451 00:20:41,473 --> 00:20:45,276 -Yee-haw! -If anyone asks, I'm 5'5". 452 00:20:45,277 --> 00:20:47,578 Well done, my brother. 453 00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:50,414 But you forgot something as well. 454 00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:55,019 -Oh, yeah? What? -It's Shark Week! 455 00:20:56,622 --> 00:20:59,123 Oh, my God! 456 00:20:59,124 --> 00:21:01,525 I hate sharks! I mean, not as much as I hate eggs, 457 00:21:01,526 --> 00:21:03,128 but I hate... Ow! 458 00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:07,565 Good job, Tickle. 459 00:21:07,566 --> 00:21:09,735 Outsmarted by a god dang shark! 460 00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:13,372 Oh, everybody died. Wow, thanks, guys. 461 00:21:15,574 --> 00:21:18,342 See you in hell, baby. 462 00:21:18,343 --> 00:21:20,945 Noooo! I don't wanna die! 463 00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:23,848 Huh? I'm back at the foot doctor? 464 00:21:23,849 --> 00:21:25,016 I've never seen anyone faint 465 00:21:25,017 --> 00:21:26,617 from the topical anesthetic before. 466 00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:28,986 Oh, I just had the weirdest dream. 467 00:21:28,987 --> 00:21:31,389 You were there, and... 468 00:21:31,390 --> 00:21:36,360 {\an8}Well, anyway, it was a real quest of self-discovery. 469 00:21:38,497 --> 00:21:39,830 Hey, where's my brother? 470 00:21:39,831 --> 00:21:41,499 Brother? 471 00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:44,168 You have what we call an ingrown hair. 472 00:21:44,169 --> 00:21:45,269 And pull! 473 00:21:45,270 --> 00:21:48,472 Oh, my God. Ohhhhhh! 474 00:21:48,473 --> 00:21:50,474 Oh, my God. 475 00:21:50,475 --> 00:21:54,979 {\an8}-Oooh! It's long one. -Oh, my God, stop it! 476 00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:58,049 {\an8}-Oooh! -What is happening?! 477 00:21:58,050 --> 00:21:59,583 {\an8}Keeps on coming. 478 00:21:59,584 --> 00:22:04,255 {\an8}Ah, oh, my God. -Ooh, ooh, ooh, ahh. 479 00:22:04,256 --> 00:22:07,058 {\an8}Annnnd... pop! 480 00:22:07,059 --> 00:22:09,427 Ah, that... that was so gross. 481 00:22:09,428 --> 00:22:11,629 You wanna see something <i>really</i> gross? 482 00:22:11,630 --> 00:22:12,930 -Uh, no. -Ah! 483 00:22:16,268 --> 00:22:18,269 Stoopid Monkey. 483 00:22:19,305 --> 00:23:19,525 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org