Vacation

1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE www.osdb.link/lm 2 00:02:50,018 --> 00:02:53,420 <i>Well, ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain, Rusty Griswold.</i> 3 00:02:53,578 --> 00:02:57,185 <i>Hope you've enjoyed your 18-minute flight from South Bend.</i> 4 00:02:57,338 --> 00:03:00,660 We'll be touching down at Chicago's Midway very shortly. 5 00:03:00,818 --> 00:03:03,219 We'd like to thank you for flying with us today... 6 00:03:03,378 --> 00:03:07,144 ...because at Econo Air, we're working hard to win back your trust. 7 00:03:07,778 --> 00:03:11,339 - Harry, you mind taking over while I hit the lav? - Sure thing, Rusty. 8 00:03:11,498 --> 00:03:12,909 Thank you very much. 9 00:03:15,698 --> 00:03:17,348 - Oh, and Rusty. - Mm-hm. 10 00:03:17,578 --> 00:03:21,742 I wanna thank you for going to bat for me last week. 11 00:03:21,898 --> 00:03:23,138 I was happy to do it. 12 00:03:23,298 --> 00:03:26,620 Just because corporate says you're too old to fly doesn't make it true. 13 00:03:26,778 --> 00:03:28,860 You're more qualified than us younger guys. 14 00:03:29,018 --> 00:03:31,259 - Means a lot to me. - Sure thing. 15 00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:33,018 - Oh, and Rusty. - Mm-hm. 16 00:03:33,218 --> 00:03:37,860 I wanna thank you for going to bat for me last week. 17 00:03:38,058 --> 00:03:39,423 Yeah. 18 00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:42,188 You bet. 19 00:03:43,178 --> 00:03:45,579 Dad, is that the pilot? 20 00:03:45,738 --> 00:03:46,864 It sure is. 21 00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:49,464 - He just came from the cockpit. - Whoa. 22 00:03:53,218 --> 00:03:54,822 - Hey there, little guy. - Hi. 23 00:03:54,978 --> 00:03:56,707 Is this your first time on a plane? 24 00:03:56,858 --> 00:03:58,223 We were planning on driving... 25 00:03:58,378 --> 00:04:01,621 ...but, uh, Tyler here has been begging us to go on his first airplane. 26 00:04:01,778 --> 00:04:02,938 - Oh, is that right? - Uh-huh. 27 00:04:03,058 --> 00:04:05,789 Do you think I can be a pilot when I grow up? 28 00:04:05,938 --> 00:04:07,781 Heh. Yeah, well, I don't see why not. 29 00:04:07,938 --> 00:04:11,499 You just have to study hard and listen to your parents, all right? 30 00:04:14,698 --> 00:04:16,268 - Okay, heh. - Sorry about that. 31 00:04:16,418 --> 00:04:18,227 - Little bit of rough air. - It's okay. 32 00:04:18,378 --> 00:04:19,459 Yeah, yeah. 33 00:04:19,618 --> 00:04:21,143 Don't worry about it, heh. 34 00:04:22,138 --> 00:04:24,345 Hey, we call that "turbulence," all right? 35 00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:26,023 That's when the plane passes... 36 00:04:32,578 --> 00:04:33,909 So sorry. 37 00:04:34,058 --> 00:04:36,584 Okay, you folks enjoy the rest of your flight. 38 00:04:41,218 --> 00:04:42,265 Let me give you a hand. 39 00:04:42,418 --> 00:04:45,660 Can you please stay the fuck away from us? 40 00:04:49,737 --> 00:04:53,025 Harry, you took us up to 60,000 feet. What are you doing? 41 00:04:53,177 --> 00:04:54,258 Oh, Rusty. 42 00:04:54,417 --> 00:04:58,217 I wanna thank you for going to bat for me last week. 43 00:05:12,057 --> 00:05:15,778 Or the time that Pan Continental put us up at the Ritz in Barcelona. 44 00:05:15,937 --> 00:05:18,668 You know, I'll tell you one thing about the Spanish women: 45 00:05:18,817 --> 00:05:21,218 - They, uh, love them some airline pilots. - Heh. They do. 46 00:05:21,377 --> 00:05:23,698 I never took the uniform off, except when I did. 47 00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:36,503 Ladies. 48 00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:43,305 All full. You have to wait for the next one. 49 00:05:43,457 --> 00:05:45,027 - But I was... - You were what? 50 00:05:47,297 --> 00:05:48,662 I'll catch the next one. 51 00:05:48,817 --> 00:05:50,899 See you around, Econo Air. 52 00:06:07,818 --> 00:06:09,468 - The third time this month. - I know. 53 00:06:09,618 --> 00:06:11,905 Do something about him. He's always picking on me. 54 00:06:12,058 --> 00:06:15,062 I know he is. I'm so sorry, honey. Hey. 55 00:06:15,258 --> 00:06:17,386 - Hi. What's going on here? - You'll see. 56 00:06:17,538 --> 00:06:19,745 Kevin, get down here, please. 57 00:06:19,898 --> 00:06:22,822 - Look what he did to my guitar. - Aw. Again? 58 00:06:22,978 --> 00:06:25,345 God. You told Mom and Dad? 59 00:06:25,498 --> 00:06:26,863 You have such a vagina. 60 00:06:27,058 --> 00:06:28,867 Okay, enough, enough. Now, young man... 61 00:06:29,058 --> 00:06:31,538 ...we talked about the bullying of your older brother. 62 00:06:31,698 --> 00:06:35,225 That's right. We don't make fun of someone just because they're different. 63 00:06:35,578 --> 00:06:38,184 - I don't have a vagina. - I'm just saying, if you did... 64 00:06:38,338 --> 00:06:41,342 ...it wouldn't be okay for Kevin to tease you about your vagina. 65 00:06:41,498 --> 00:06:43,819 Why are you making it sound like I have a vagina? 66 00:06:43,978 --> 00:06:46,709 I know you don't have a vagina. I'm not doing that. 67 00:06:46,858 --> 00:06:50,544 - Kevin, apologize to your brother, please. - Fine. I'm sorry. 68 00:06:50,698 --> 00:06:51,779 Now go to your room. 69 00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:54,424 Ah. I was in my fucking room. 70 00:06:54,578 --> 00:06:57,741 - Whoa, hey, Kevin? Get back down here. - Ah. 71 00:06:59,418 --> 00:07:00,465 Now listen. 72 00:07:01,458 --> 00:07:03,825 There are a lot of boys who are born with vaginas. 73 00:07:03,978 --> 00:07:05,264 It's very hard for them. 74 00:07:05,418 --> 00:07:08,422 - Honey. Why? - It's a teachable moment, hon. 75 00:07:08,578 --> 00:07:11,422 Gender fluidity, right? It's a very serious issue. 76 00:07:11,578 --> 00:07:14,104 - I'm not gender-fluid. - It doesn't matter if you are. 77 00:07:14,258 --> 00:07:16,579 The point is your mom and I would love you... 78 00:07:16,738 --> 00:07:18,945 ...even if you were completely blank down there. 79 00:07:19,098 --> 00:07:21,021 Okay, this is not the point. 80 00:07:21,178 --> 00:07:22,589 Kevin, just go to your room. 81 00:07:24,658 --> 00:07:27,138 Hey, James, don't get your gender fluid on me. 82 00:07:27,298 --> 00:07:29,062 - Awesome. - Stop. It's not a fluid. 83 00:07:29,218 --> 00:07:30,868 And what about my guitar? 84 00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:32,508 It's ruined. 85 00:07:32,938 --> 00:07:34,303 Let me have a look. 86 00:07:42,818 --> 00:07:44,388 There you go. That'll do for now. 87 00:07:44,538 --> 00:07:47,302 Now get washed up. The Petersons are coming over for dinner. 88 00:07:48,337 --> 00:07:49,418 Okay, baby. 89 00:07:51,177 --> 00:07:54,420 Oh, gosh. I'll get you a new guitar, okay? 90 00:07:54,577 --> 00:07:57,740 - Oh, use the Vitamix. The dry bit. - Just grind it. Yeah. 91 00:07:59,217 --> 00:08:00,503 Sheila. 92 00:08:01,217 --> 00:08:03,457 - So do you have to work tomorrow? - So, um, Sheila. 93 00:08:03,537 --> 00:08:06,347 - I want to go to the movies with my friends. - Sheila. 94 00:08:06,497 --> 00:08:09,103 - What? - Do you like school this year? 95 00:08:09,257 --> 00:08:10,304 It's okay. 96 00:08:10,497 --> 00:08:12,818 "So do you like school this year?" 97 00:08:12,977 --> 00:08:15,708 That's seriously what you sound like. Just shut up. 98 00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:21,299 God, I'm telling you, Russ, you've gotta get one of these go-kart kits. 99 00:08:21,457 --> 00:08:22,504 - What? - Oh, yeah. 100 00:08:22,657 --> 00:08:25,183 Gary and I spent the last two months building this. 101 00:08:25,697 --> 00:08:28,507 We took her out this morning for the first time. 102 00:08:28,657 --> 00:08:30,625 Holy moly. 103 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:34,499 - Fun? - No, no, it was terrible. Oh, yeah, it was fun. 104 00:08:36,017 --> 00:08:37,382 Hot damn, it's a go-kart. 105 00:08:37,937 --> 00:08:39,746 G-man, get over here. 106 00:08:39,937 --> 00:08:41,939 - G-man, G-man, G-man. - Uh-oh. 107 00:08:42,097 --> 00:08:44,179 Oh, my God, my G-man. I love him. 108 00:08:44,617 --> 00:08:46,187 Get in there. What? 109 00:08:47,137 --> 00:08:49,060 What? What? Get in there. Get in there. 110 00:08:51,457 --> 00:08:53,903 Oh, man. I love you so much. 111 00:08:54,377 --> 00:08:56,983 Tell Mr. Griswold how dope our go-kart is. 112 00:08:57,137 --> 00:09:01,142 It's got a Zanardi chassis and a four-stroke Briggs & Stratton engine. 113 00:09:01,337 --> 00:09:04,500 - Wow, and you guys built this together? - We worked on it every day... 114 00:09:04,657 --> 00:09:08,025 ...after homework and toothbrushing. I love... Get over here, man. 115 00:09:10,097 --> 00:09:12,259 Work it, Sugar Ray. Come on, Sugar Ray. 116 00:09:12,417 --> 00:09:14,306 He's working me over. 117 00:09:14,697 --> 00:09:16,267 I'm gonna eat your face! 118 00:09:16,417 --> 00:09:17,782 Kevin, James, get over here. 119 00:09:17,977 --> 00:09:19,024 No. 120 00:09:19,857 --> 00:09:22,542 Come on, heh. Oh, there you are. 121 00:09:24,617 --> 00:09:27,461 - Dad, stop. What are you doing? - Come on, man, we're sparring. 122 00:09:27,657 --> 00:09:30,388 - We do this all the time. - No. We never do this. 123 00:09:30,577 --> 00:09:33,979 - Hey, don't hit your old man. - I don't wanna be a part of this. 124 00:09:36,897 --> 00:09:38,422 What are you doing?! 125 00:09:38,577 --> 00:09:40,500 - This is how accidents happen. - Sacrifice! 126 00:09:40,657 --> 00:09:43,547 Dad, let go of me. Stop. Why did you do that? 127 00:09:45,257 --> 00:09:47,658 I'm sorry, man. Come on. I was just fooling around. 128 00:09:47,817 --> 00:09:49,546 - That wasn't fun. - Like we always do. 129 00:09:49,697 --> 00:09:51,108 We never do that. 130 00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:54,101 Hey, what do you say you and I build a go-kart together? 131 00:09:54,777 --> 00:09:55,983 If we have to. 132 00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:58,663 Yeah, all right, G-man, heh! 133 00:09:58,817 --> 00:10:01,058 Get out of here. Get out of here, G-man. 134 00:10:02,937 --> 00:10:05,224 Did you just steal my son's nickname? 135 00:10:10,857 --> 00:10:13,224 I'm not sure about... Oh, shoot. Dang it. 136 00:10:13,377 --> 00:10:16,859 Wow, your ring is getting loose, there, Deb. Are you losing weight? 137 00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:19,099 Yeah. I am. You know what I've been doing? 138 00:10:19,257 --> 00:10:20,304 Spinning. 139 00:10:20,497 --> 00:10:22,864 Yeah, it's a great stress reliever. 140 00:10:23,017 --> 00:10:25,702 I'm gonna tell you what's an even greater stress reliever. 141 00:10:25,857 --> 00:10:27,666 And that is a week in Paris. 142 00:10:27,817 --> 00:10:30,263 Oh, my gosh! I saw that on Instagram. 143 00:10:30,417 --> 00:10:31,907 All your pictures were so great. 144 00:10:32,097 --> 00:10:33,337 - So you did see them. - Yeah. 145 00:10:33,497 --> 00:10:36,785 Funny, because I was gonna ask how come you didn't like any of them. 146 00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:38,621 What do you mean? I just said I did. 147 00:10:38,777 --> 00:10:41,747 All my other friends, uh, who saw my Paris pics, they clicked "like." 148 00:10:41,937 --> 00:10:44,702 You were the only one who didn't click "like." 149 00:10:44,897 --> 00:10:48,663 Oh. I guess I just didn't get around to actually clicking "like" on them. 150 00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:51,541 Okay, because look at this one. Now, in this one we have... 151 00:10:51,736 --> 00:10:53,943 ...Sheila and Gary wearing berets. - I know. 152 00:10:54,096 --> 00:10:56,827 - Right? - Heh. I like that one so much. It's so cute. 153 00:10:56,976 --> 00:10:59,024 - But you didn't "like" it. - Okay. 154 00:10:59,176 --> 00:11:01,338 Here are the four of us at the Arc de Triomphe. 155 00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:05,336 Didn't "like" that. Didn't "like" my children. Didn't "like" my man kissing on me. 156 00:11:05,496 --> 00:11:09,103 I promise you the second you guys leave I am gonna go upstairs online... 157 00:11:09,296 --> 00:11:11,981 ...and I am gonna click "like" on every single one of them. 158 00:11:12,176 --> 00:11:16,386 Honestly, honey, it really makes no difference to me. 159 00:11:17,496 --> 00:11:20,466 So are you guys going anywhere special this summer? 160 00:11:20,616 --> 00:11:22,618 No. I wish. Yeah. No. 161 00:11:22,776 --> 00:11:27,577 We are renting the same cabin that we've been renting for 10 years in Cheboygan, Michigan. 162 00:11:27,776 --> 00:11:30,177 The boys call it "Che-boring," Michigan. 163 00:11:30,936 --> 00:11:33,746 - Isn't that funny? - Why don't you just go someplace else? 164 00:11:33,896 --> 00:11:38,265 No, we can't. Rusty loves it so much. I'd break his heart if I told him we hate the cabin. 165 00:11:38,416 --> 00:11:40,987 - Oh, boy. I understand. - Yeah. 166 00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:44,625 I understand. Well, you know what the good news is? 167 00:11:44,816 --> 00:11:45,897 Hmm? 168 00:11:46,096 --> 00:11:49,988 Honestly, even if you go there and you don't have a great time, baby... 169 00:11:50,137 --> 00:11:53,539 ...at least you know that I will click "like" on all your photos. 170 00:11:53,697 --> 00:11:55,301 Jesus Christ, Nancy. 171 00:11:55,617 --> 00:11:56,664 <i>Look!</i> 172 00:11:57,097 --> 00:11:58,303 <i>Look!</i> 173 00:11:58,657 --> 00:12:01,137 <i>What the fuck is this?!</i> 174 00:12:01,617 --> 00:12:02,664 <i>Louie!</i> 175 00:12:14,097 --> 00:12:15,826 <i>What the fuck is this?! Hey, madam.</i> 176 00:12:15,977 --> 00:12:19,618 <i>How much capellini are you throwing away?!</i> 177 00:12:19,777 --> 00:12:23,987 <i>What are you doing, Melinda?! What are you doing?!</i> 178 00:12:59,377 --> 00:13:00,902 Guys, I have exciting news. 179 00:13:01,137 --> 00:13:02,184 James has AIDS? 180 00:13:02,337 --> 00:13:04,305 What? No. That's horrible. 181 00:13:04,497 --> 00:13:06,659 - I'd be excited. - Well, what is it? What is it? 182 00:13:06,817 --> 00:13:09,582 - The four of us are gonna take a little trip. - Paris. 183 00:13:09,737 --> 00:13:11,739 Hmm. No, much better. 184 00:13:11,897 --> 00:13:15,026 We're driving to Walley World. 185 00:13:15,217 --> 00:13:17,299 - What? - This family's in a rut. 186 00:13:17,457 --> 00:13:20,301 We gotta shake things up, right? Spend a little quality time. 187 00:13:20,457 --> 00:13:23,586 It wouldn't hurt for the boys to learn to get along a little better. 188 00:13:23,737 --> 00:13:26,138 - Uh, by locking them in a car together? - Yeah. 189 00:13:26,297 --> 00:13:28,743 - This is some bullshit right here! - Hey, language. 190 00:13:28,937 --> 00:13:31,941 Well, it is. I'm gonna miss the first week of wrestling practice. 191 00:13:32,097 --> 00:13:34,179 We'll find a wrestling range along the way, heh. 192 00:13:34,337 --> 00:13:35,748 That's not even a thing. 193 00:13:35,897 --> 00:13:39,060 And, Dad, no offense, I just don't wanna do my first big road trip... 194 00:13:39,217 --> 00:13:41,140 ...to some corporate theme park, you know? 195 00:13:41,297 --> 00:13:46,986 I'd like to explore the real America, like Jack Kerouac or the Merry Pranksters. 196 00:13:47,137 --> 00:13:49,299 - Don't say weird shit! - Ah. Ow! 197 00:13:49,497 --> 00:13:51,101 Kevin, bullying! Guys, come on. 198 00:13:51,257 --> 00:13:54,499 My trip to Walley World when I was a kid was the best time I ever had. 199 00:13:54,656 --> 00:13:58,706 So you just wanna redo your vacation from 30 years ago? 200 00:13:58,856 --> 00:14:01,177 Don't you think that's gonna be kind of a letdown? 201 00:14:01,336 --> 00:14:04,738 No, no, no. We're not redoing anything. This will be completely different. 202 00:14:04,896 --> 00:14:09,220 For one thing, the original vacation had a boy and a girl. This one has two boys. 203 00:14:09,376 --> 00:14:13,142 And I'm sure that there will be lots of other differences. 204 00:14:13,296 --> 00:14:16,300 - I've never even heard of the original vacation. - Doesn't matter. 205 00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:19,460 The new vacation will stand on its own, okay? 206 00:14:19,816 --> 00:14:20,863 Come on, honey. 207 00:14:21,016 --> 00:14:23,178 What do you say? We can drive out and fly back. 208 00:14:24,296 --> 00:14:26,025 Oh, what the heck, heh. 209 00:14:26,176 --> 00:14:28,702 Couldn't be as bad as that stupid cabin, right, honey? 210 00:14:28,856 --> 00:14:30,267 - That's the spirit. - All right. 211 00:14:30,456 --> 00:14:32,060 Ugh. Fuck me. 212 00:14:32,216 --> 00:14:34,583 Are we gonna drive all that way in your little car? 213 00:14:35,376 --> 00:14:36,741 Not exactly. 214 00:14:48,896 --> 00:14:52,139 Come on, guys, heh. How come you didn't follow me just then? 215 00:14:52,296 --> 00:14:55,982 - Oh, you wanted us to? - Yeah, that's why I dangled the key like that. 216 00:14:56,136 --> 00:14:57,786 - Oh, well... - Why else would I...? 217 00:14:57,936 --> 00:14:59,779 You could've just said, "Come with me." 218 00:15:01,176 --> 00:15:02,905 Look what your dad rented. 219 00:15:03,816 --> 00:15:05,056 What the hell is that? 220 00:15:05,216 --> 00:15:06,263 Kevin. 221 00:15:06,736 --> 00:15:10,138 - That's a 2015 Tartan Prancer. - Did you say "Tartan," honey? 222 00:15:10,296 --> 00:15:12,185 Yeah. Tartan's the Honda of Albania. 223 00:15:12,376 --> 00:15:14,105 Why'd you get an Albanian car, Dad? 224 00:15:14,256 --> 00:15:16,463 Renting a family car on Memorial Day weekend... 225 00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:20,541 ...doesn't leave you with a lot of options. But this baby is pretty sweet. 226 00:15:20,696 --> 00:15:24,257 It's got all the latest Albanian technology. Check it out. Plug-in hybrid. 227 00:15:24,416 --> 00:15:26,305 Oh, wow, eco-friendly. Good. 228 00:15:26,456 --> 00:15:31,417 So any time we run out of juice, we can just pull right over, and plug in. 229 00:15:31,576 --> 00:15:33,465 I don't know what that is. 230 00:15:33,616 --> 00:15:35,664 Never seen an outlet for that, heh. 231 00:15:35,856 --> 00:15:37,142 Should it retract, or...? 232 00:15:37,296 --> 00:15:39,981 You would think it would retract. It just... 233 00:15:40,136 --> 00:15:41,547 No, it doesn't. 234 00:15:41,736 --> 00:15:43,067 Cupholder? 235 00:15:43,216 --> 00:15:47,062 I think you coil it. You just coil it like that. Right? Then you close it right up. 236 00:15:47,216 --> 00:15:49,139 Doesn't matter. Still got two gas tanks. 237 00:15:49,296 --> 00:15:51,663 - Why two? - Carry twice as much gas. 238 00:15:51,816 --> 00:15:55,377 - Why not just have one big tank? - It's twice the gas, buddy. 239 00:15:55,536 --> 00:15:57,379 Actually the same volume. Two small... 240 00:15:58,696 --> 00:16:00,186 It has six ashtrays. 241 00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:01,582 Six, wow. 242 00:16:01,736 --> 00:16:03,579 Hope you guys like smoking. 243 00:16:04,456 --> 00:16:06,220 - Right? - Yeah. 244 00:16:06,376 --> 00:16:08,265 What's with all the mirrors? 245 00:16:10,016 --> 00:16:11,063 Safer. 246 00:16:11,616 --> 00:16:12,947 But... 247 00:16:13,096 --> 00:16:16,737 Oh. And this is amazing. I can control the entire car from the fob. 248 00:16:16,936 --> 00:16:19,940 - What do all the buttons mean? - No clue. But we'll figure it out. 249 00:16:20,096 --> 00:16:22,337 Honey, is that a swastika on there? 250 00:16:22,496 --> 00:16:24,544 Yeah. We won't use that. 251 00:16:25,136 --> 00:16:26,342 This is my favorite part. 252 00:16:29,216 --> 00:16:30,980 - Slam the door on my arm. - Heh. What? 253 00:16:31,136 --> 00:16:34,663 It has a sensor. It won't let you slam the door on your arm or leg. 254 00:16:34,816 --> 00:16:37,626 - I'm not doing that. - The rental guy showed me. Just do it. 255 00:16:37,776 --> 00:16:39,141 - Okay. - Do it! 256 00:16:40,536 --> 00:16:41,947 - Do it. - This is kind of fun. 257 00:16:42,096 --> 00:16:43,143 Slam it. 258 00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:44,497 All right. There you go. 259 00:16:44,936 --> 00:16:46,267 - Oh! Oh! - Oh, my God! 260 00:16:46,416 --> 00:16:47,906 - Oh, my gosh! - Goddamn it! 261 00:16:48,096 --> 00:16:50,906 Oh, my God! Why did you have me do that?! 262 00:16:54,296 --> 00:16:56,218 Oh, I didn't have the sensor activated. 263 00:16:56,695 --> 00:16:58,106 - Okay. - I'm an idiot. 264 00:16:58,255 --> 00:17:00,337 - Do it again. - No, absolutely not. 265 00:17:00,495 --> 00:17:02,862 - It'll be fine. I just activated it. - I won't do it. 266 00:17:03,015 --> 00:17:04,540 - Don't be chicken. - Fine. 267 00:17:06,535 --> 00:17:08,503 - Shit! - Heh. 268 00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:11,016 - Why did you do that? - Really? 269 00:17:11,175 --> 00:17:12,415 You're right. I'm sorry, heh. 270 00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:16,256 - Ugh! Nobody slam their arm in the door. - Can I slam it on James' balls? 271 00:17:16,455 --> 00:17:18,981 - You admit I have balls? - They hang out of your vagina. 272 00:17:19,135 --> 00:17:21,217 - Stop that. Please. - Plenty of time for that. 273 00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:24,225 - Go get packed. We're hitting the road today. - Okay. 274 00:17:24,375 --> 00:17:26,855 Guess we're leaving today. All right. Let's go, guys. 275 00:17:31,896 --> 00:17:33,307 Huh. 276 00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:42,426 Hey, honey. What's all that? 277 00:17:42,576 --> 00:17:44,783 Well, uh, this is my dream journal... 278 00:17:44,936 --> 00:17:46,267 ...whimsy log... 279 00:17:46,416 --> 00:17:47,656 ...wish diary... 280 00:17:47,816 --> 00:17:48,863 ...my poems. 281 00:17:49,016 --> 00:17:53,977 And, uh, this bad boy is going to be a stream-of-consciousness travel log, so... 282 00:17:54,656 --> 00:17:55,782 Yeah. 283 00:17:57,016 --> 00:18:00,179 Come on, honey. Every boy that age has a stack of diaries. 284 00:18:00,376 --> 00:18:02,026 Okay, gang. 285 00:18:02,576 --> 00:18:04,578 Seat belts on. 286 00:18:05,416 --> 00:18:06,622 Two full tanks of gas. 287 00:18:06,776 --> 00:18:08,107 Honey, GPS check? 288 00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:09,582 Yes, yes. Roger that. Okay. 289 00:18:11,296 --> 00:18:14,618 <i>Your destination is 2560 miles ahead.</i> 290 00:18:14,776 --> 00:18:17,347 Walley World, here we come. 291 00:18:47,616 --> 00:18:49,106 Well, we're almost out of gas. 292 00:18:49,816 --> 00:18:53,138 What? How is that possible? We've been driving for less than an hour. 293 00:19:05,016 --> 00:19:07,098 Dad, what's so special about Walley World? 294 00:19:07,256 --> 00:19:09,941 I mean, we have plenty of theme parks at home. 295 00:19:10,096 --> 00:19:15,057 Well, Walley World is home of the one and only Velociraptor. 296 00:19:15,216 --> 00:19:16,980 What the hell is that? 297 00:19:17,136 --> 00:19:20,106 It's only the newest, scariest roller coaster in the country. 298 00:19:21,656 --> 00:19:24,421 Four hundred and fifty feet tall, 110 miles an hour... 299 00:19:24,576 --> 00:19:26,738 ...triple corkscrew loop. 300 00:19:27,336 --> 00:19:28,826 Yeah. Oh, hey, look at this. 301 00:19:28,976 --> 00:19:31,627 Looks like we got ourselves a little old convoy. 302 00:19:31,776 --> 00:19:33,141 Let's say hi. 303 00:19:34,416 --> 00:19:38,182 - Oh, my goodness. It has a CB radio in it? - Yeah, comes standard in all Prancers. 304 00:19:38,336 --> 00:19:40,179 - This way we can talk to truckers. - Okay. 305 00:19:40,336 --> 00:19:42,816 Now, guys, you just have to speak their lingo. 306 00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:45,781 I'm gonna ask him if there's any police up ahead. 307 00:19:46,056 --> 00:19:47,899 Breaker 1-9 to Rubber Ducky. 308 00:19:48,056 --> 00:19:50,582 You got any Smokey the Bears in your kitchen? Over. 309 00:19:51,816 --> 00:19:54,103 <i>You're clean and green for the next 20 klicks.</i> 310 00:19:54,256 --> 00:19:55,860 - Ha-ha. He replied! - I know! 311 00:19:56,016 --> 00:19:59,622 - What did that even mean? - I have no idea, but who cares? 312 00:19:59,775 --> 00:20:02,506 - He seems nice. - He does seem nice, doesn't he? 313 00:20:02,655 --> 00:20:04,498 Copy that, good buddy. Over. 314 00:20:04,655 --> 00:20:06,862 - Can I try, Dad? - Yeah, course. 315 00:20:07,015 --> 00:20:08,824 When you finish talking, say "over." 316 00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:10,625 - Okay. Cool. - Okay. 317 00:20:11,255 --> 00:20:14,862 Breaker 1-9, my friend Jessie says all truck drivers are rapists. 318 00:20:15,015 --> 00:20:16,779 - Are you a rapist? - Kevin, no, no. 319 00:20:16,935 --> 00:20:18,141 Sorry. Over. 320 00:20:18,295 --> 00:20:20,297 - No, no, no. - What are you doing? 321 00:20:20,455 --> 00:20:23,061 - What? It's a question. - Well, you're ruining it. 322 00:20:24,175 --> 00:20:26,382 Sorry about that there, good buddy. 323 00:20:27,015 --> 00:20:30,462 You know how little boys are when their mouths get going, heh. I don't... 324 00:20:30,615 --> 00:20:32,583 Not to imply that you are... 325 00:20:33,335 --> 00:20:37,260 ...fond of when little boys' mouths get going in any way. 326 00:20:37,455 --> 00:20:40,698 I am not suggesting that you are a sex offender. 327 00:20:40,855 --> 00:20:42,345 - Or a pedophile. - Okay, no. 328 00:20:42,535 --> 00:20:45,061 Yeah, so that's the CB radio, guys. 329 00:20:45,215 --> 00:20:46,899 Neat, huh? 330 00:20:47,055 --> 00:20:50,537 - Hey, Dad, what's a pedophile? - Hmm. Well, Kevin, when a man and a boy... 331 00:20:50,695 --> 00:20:53,983 - ...love each other very much... - No. No. 332 00:20:56,455 --> 00:20:58,457 - I have to piss. - Me too. 333 00:20:58,615 --> 00:21:00,663 Go with him, please, and keep an eye on him. 334 00:21:00,815 --> 00:21:02,146 - Okay. - Thank you. 335 00:21:04,535 --> 00:21:07,664 - Look at that. The boys are bonding already. - Mm-hm. 336 00:21:07,855 --> 00:21:09,220 Isn't this the best? 337 00:21:09,375 --> 00:21:10,865 Yeah. 338 00:21:12,895 --> 00:21:16,422 Do you remember, back when you were just getting your pilot's license... 339 00:21:16,575 --> 00:21:18,225 ...and you and I would sit there... 340 00:21:18,375 --> 00:21:22,903 ...and we'd talk about all those, like, overseas trips we would take and stuff? 341 00:21:23,415 --> 00:21:27,136 Yeah, of course that's when I thought I was gonna fly for one of the big guys. 342 00:21:27,295 --> 00:21:30,219 I know it's not the most glamorous airline, but Econo Air... 343 00:21:30,415 --> 00:21:31,860 ...it's been pretty good to us. 344 00:21:32,415 --> 00:21:36,704 As far as I'm concerned, right here with you and the boys, this is paradise. 345 00:21:39,375 --> 00:21:42,458 - There was a hole in the side of my stall. - You found a glory hole. 346 00:21:42,615 --> 00:21:45,539 - Russ, no. - All right, let's hit the road. 347 00:22:27,215 --> 00:22:29,263 Go to sleep! Go to sleep! 348 00:22:41,935 --> 00:22:43,937 - What's wrong with you?! - I wanted to see... 349 00:22:44,095 --> 00:22:46,939 ...how long you could hold your breath before you black out. 350 00:22:47,095 --> 00:22:49,541 Don't do that. I could have died. 351 00:22:49,695 --> 00:22:51,060 Whatever. 352 00:22:55,775 --> 00:22:57,777 Goddamn it. Kevin! 353 00:23:11,054 --> 00:23:13,023 Hey, honey, Why'd we get off the highway? 354 00:23:13,175 --> 00:23:16,384 Thought it would be fun for the kids to see where you went to college. 355 00:23:16,535 --> 00:23:19,459 Oh, God. Why would that be fun for them, honey? 356 00:23:19,615 --> 00:23:22,585 You could give us a tour. One of them could study there one day. 357 00:23:22,775 --> 00:23:24,777 Oh, no. No way, man. 358 00:23:24,935 --> 00:23:27,779 I've got my sights set on something a little more Ivy League. 359 00:23:27,935 --> 00:23:30,302 Oh. Little fucker. 360 00:23:30,495 --> 00:23:33,021 - What, Ma? - I love you. That's what I said. 361 00:23:33,175 --> 00:23:34,859 - I love you too. - I said, I love you. 362 00:23:35,015 --> 00:23:36,585 Let's just see how far it is. 363 00:23:36,935 --> 00:23:41,816 <i>- You are 9.2 miles from destination.</i> - All right. Check the best route. 364 00:23:43,735 --> 00:23:46,466 Oh, I changed the language. 365 00:23:48,655 --> 00:23:49,986 That's not it, heh. 366 00:23:51,855 --> 00:23:53,061 What is that? 367 00:23:53,535 --> 00:23:57,938 - Uh, I don't know. Korean? - Oh, God, it's horrible. Just please turn it off. 368 00:23:58,095 --> 00:24:00,826 The menu's all in Korean now. I don't know what to press. 369 00:24:00,975 --> 00:24:03,057 Why is it so much angrier than the other voices? 370 00:24:03,215 --> 00:24:04,295 Why don't we just...? 371 00:24:04,415 --> 00:24:06,941 Honey, it doesn't like when you touch it, okay? 372 00:24:07,095 --> 00:24:09,666 Just leave it alone. Let it calm down. 373 00:24:21,695 --> 00:24:24,619 Wow, this place has not changed a bit. 374 00:24:25,175 --> 00:24:27,177 - Isn't that sorority row? - Hmm. 375 00:24:27,335 --> 00:24:28,905 Let's go check out your house. 376 00:24:29,095 --> 00:24:32,224 Oh, no, honey. Don't you think we should get back on the road? 377 00:24:32,375 --> 00:24:34,457 No, come on. It'll be fun. 378 00:24:34,615 --> 00:24:36,856 It's just a boring old house. 379 00:24:56,255 --> 00:24:57,780 Yeah, that's what's up. 380 00:24:57,935 --> 00:25:00,779 I cannot believe that they are still doing this. 381 00:25:02,655 --> 00:25:03,986 What is it? 382 00:25:04,335 --> 00:25:06,986 Uh, it is the Tri-Pi Chug Run. 383 00:25:07,175 --> 00:25:09,337 You have to chug a big pitcher of beer... 384 00:25:09,495 --> 00:25:12,544 ...and then you have to get through the course as fast as you can. 385 00:25:12,695 --> 00:25:15,096 And you did this? Because you hardly drink. 386 00:25:15,255 --> 00:25:17,656 No, yeah. But, honey, it's for charity, see? 387 00:25:20,535 --> 00:25:23,106 Hi. Would you like to donate to ass burgers? 388 00:25:23,295 --> 00:25:25,059 Oh, no. We're just stopping by. 389 00:25:25,215 --> 00:25:27,377 I was a Tri-Pi a long time ago, so... 390 00:25:27,895 --> 00:25:30,102 In fact, the Chug Run was my idea. 391 00:25:30,255 --> 00:25:32,383 - It was? - Yeah. 392 00:25:32,775 --> 00:25:35,824 - Wait, are you Debbie Fletcher? - Yeah. 393 00:25:36,335 --> 00:25:37,496 Oh, my shit. 394 00:25:37,655 --> 00:25:39,783 Oh, my shit! I can't believe it's you! 395 00:25:39,935 --> 00:25:42,176 Guys, come here! Bring over the book! 396 00:25:42,375 --> 00:25:45,299 - It's Debbie fucking Fletcher. - How do you know who I am? 397 00:25:45,455 --> 00:25:48,425 Oh, my God, are you kidding me? You're like a legend at Tri-Pi. 398 00:25:48,575 --> 00:25:51,340 - You're Debbie Do-Anything! - Debbie Do-Anything? 399 00:25:51,495 --> 00:25:53,543 - Go play. - Yeah, look. 400 00:25:53,695 --> 00:25:56,619 - See? - Oh, God. 401 00:25:56,775 --> 00:25:59,858 - Is it true you climbed the clock tower naked? - Of course not. 402 00:26:00,015 --> 00:26:02,177 Did you really show your tits to anyone who asked? 403 00:26:02,335 --> 00:26:04,417 - Honey, we should go. - Hang on. 404 00:26:04,575 --> 00:26:08,499 - I heard you stuck a finger in the dean's dick. - Did you really burn down Taco Bell? 405 00:26:08,694 --> 00:26:10,298 I heard you fucked Anthony Hopkins. 406 00:26:10,454 --> 00:26:12,741 I heard that, if people bop you on your head... 407 00:26:12,894 --> 00:26:14,817 ...gold coins come out of your butt. 408 00:26:14,974 --> 00:26:16,817 - Okay, ladies, heh. - What? 409 00:26:17,734 --> 00:26:21,580 I think I know my wife pretty well, and she wouldn't have done any of those things. 410 00:26:21,734 --> 00:26:25,864 But you know what? What's important is not whether I did them or I didn't do them. 411 00:26:26,014 --> 00:26:29,621 What's important is that you guys are idolizing very bad behavior here. 412 00:26:29,774 --> 00:26:32,505 Uh, ew, you don't sound like Debbie Do-Anything. 413 00:26:32,654 --> 00:26:34,224 I had a feeling she was all hype. 414 00:26:34,374 --> 00:26:36,456 Bet she didn't even come up with the Chug Run. 415 00:26:36,614 --> 00:26:38,218 Hey, wait a minute. Excuse me. 416 00:26:38,374 --> 00:26:41,537 I did come up with the Chug Run, all right? 417 00:26:41,694 --> 00:26:42,775 And I ran it. 418 00:26:42,974 --> 00:26:44,294 - Sure you did. - No, I did. 419 00:26:44,414 --> 00:26:46,178 - In 16 seconds, okay? - Okay, hon. 420 00:26:46,774 --> 00:26:49,254 - Prove it. - She can't do it now. She's old. 421 00:26:49,414 --> 00:26:50,495 Excuse me, girl? 422 00:26:50,694 --> 00:26:53,300 I didn't mean it like that. I just mean... you're old. 423 00:26:57,774 --> 00:26:58,935 Oh, yeah. 424 00:26:59,094 --> 00:27:01,665 Never heard that laugh before. I don't like it. 425 00:27:01,814 --> 00:27:02,895 Hold my bag. Uh-uh. 426 00:27:03,054 --> 00:27:06,342 Why? You're not actually going on this thing. 427 00:27:06,494 --> 00:27:09,976 Yes, I am. This Chug Run raised thousands of dollars for charity, all right? 428 00:27:10,174 --> 00:27:13,940 I might not have gotten good grades while I was here, but at least I did something. 429 00:27:14,134 --> 00:27:17,536 It sounds like you did a lot. You stuck your finger in the dean's penis. 430 00:27:17,694 --> 00:27:21,904 It's not important what I stuck my finger in and what I burnt down. What is important... 431 00:27:22,054 --> 00:27:25,024 - ...is that these bitches are disrespecting me. - "Bitches"? 432 00:27:25,174 --> 00:27:26,380 Bring it on. 433 00:27:28,334 --> 00:27:30,302 No one's calling me old. Fuck you. 434 00:27:30,454 --> 00:27:33,503 All right, boobs, pitcher. Let's go. Come on, come on, come on. 435 00:27:39,414 --> 00:27:41,655 Tri-Pi, motherfuckers! 436 00:27:56,734 --> 00:27:58,418 Oh, Jesus Christ. 437 00:28:07,294 --> 00:28:10,104 Three! Two! One! 438 00:28:16,494 --> 00:28:17,939 Oh, honey. 439 00:28:31,534 --> 00:28:32,774 What's Mom doing? 440 00:28:32,934 --> 00:28:35,665 She's, uh, teaching these bitches a lesson. 441 00:28:47,174 --> 00:28:50,018 This is the best thing I've ever seen. 442 00:28:52,334 --> 00:28:53,495 <i>Go! Go! Go!</i> 443 00:28:59,295 --> 00:29:01,821 Why is she puking so much? 444 00:29:02,255 --> 00:29:03,939 It's for ass burgers. 445 00:29:18,174 --> 00:29:20,461 Tri-Pi, motherfuckers. 446 00:29:33,174 --> 00:29:35,700 Mom, you should try and stay hydrated. 447 00:29:37,174 --> 00:29:39,745 What? What are you doing? 448 00:29:41,934 --> 00:29:43,504 How about some tunes? 449 00:29:46,254 --> 00:29:48,575 Oh, my God. I can't believe it. 450 00:29:48,734 --> 00:29:50,498 I love this song. 451 00:29:50,654 --> 00:29:53,419 Guys, it's Seal. 452 00:29:54,014 --> 00:29:55,857 Heh. Everybody sing it with me. 453 00:29:56,134 --> 00:30:01,345 <i>There used to be a graying tower Alone on the sea</i> 454 00:30:01,494 --> 00:30:02,541 Come on, guys. 455 00:30:02,694 --> 00:30:08,383 <i>You became The light on the dark side of me</i> 456 00:30:08,534 --> 00:30:09,774 Deb? 457 00:30:09,974 --> 00:30:14,423 <i>Love remained A drug that's the high and not...</i> 458 00:30:14,574 --> 00:30:15,621 Guys? No? 459 00:30:15,814 --> 00:30:17,942 <i>Did you know that when it snows</i> 460 00:30:18,094 --> 00:30:19,294 Kevin? James? 461 00:30:19,414 --> 00:30:20,620 <i>My eyes become large</i> 462 00:30:20,774 --> 00:30:22,139 Is this a man or a woman singing? 463 00:30:22,294 --> 00:30:24,945 It's a man. And the coolest man ever. 464 00:30:25,094 --> 00:30:26,584 He overcame lupus. 465 00:30:26,734 --> 00:30:33,060 <i>Baby I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the gray</i> 466 00:30:33,214 --> 00:30:35,979 I can't believe no one in this family wants to sing. 467 00:30:36,134 --> 00:30:38,296 <i>...stranger it feels, yeah.</i> 468 00:30:38,454 --> 00:30:39,734 <i>Batman Forever?</i> 469 00:30:39,854 --> 00:30:42,300 <i>...that your rose is in bloom</i> 470 00:30:42,454 --> 00:30:43,580 Val Kilmer. 471 00:30:43,734 --> 00:30:47,216 <i>A light hits the gloom on the gray</i> 472 00:30:51,974 --> 00:30:53,214 He's come back to kill us. 473 00:30:55,414 --> 00:30:57,257 - Gun it, Russ! - Gunning it. 474 00:31:00,734 --> 00:31:02,414 You gotta go faster, Dad! Go faster! 475 00:31:02,534 --> 00:31:05,014 - The Prancer doesn't go any faster! - What do we do?! 476 00:31:05,174 --> 00:31:06,983 Maybe if I press this rabbit button... 477 00:31:07,134 --> 00:31:09,580 - ...it'll give it a boost or something. - Yes, try it. 478 00:31:12,774 --> 00:31:15,425 - Why is there a button for that? - And why is it a rabbit? 479 00:31:15,574 --> 00:31:16,655 Okay... 480 00:31:16,814 --> 00:31:18,703 - Uh, rocket. Here you go. Try that. - Yes. 481 00:31:19,374 --> 00:31:20,421 What? What's happening? 482 00:31:20,574 --> 00:31:22,178 - Why am I swiveling? - I don't know! 483 00:31:22,334 --> 00:31:23,824 - Grab the wheel! - It won't stop! 484 00:31:23,974 --> 00:31:26,898 - Hit the gas! Hit the gas! - Okay, I'm trying to hit... 485 00:31:30,214 --> 00:31:32,023 We're gonna die! 486 00:31:35,414 --> 00:31:38,497 - Okay, I got the wheel. I got the wheel. - Okay, okay. 487 00:31:39,254 --> 00:31:40,619 Okay, what are we gonna do? 488 00:31:40,814 --> 00:31:42,703 - I have an idea. - What? 489 00:31:43,054 --> 00:31:44,544 - Handbrake turn. - What? 490 00:31:44,734 --> 00:31:48,705 Pull the wheel left, yank the handbrake, do a 180, cross the median, drive past him. 491 00:31:48,854 --> 00:31:51,460 - You know how, Dad? - If Vin Diesel can do it, so can I. 492 00:31:51,614 --> 00:31:53,776 - Why are you as good as Vin Diesel? - Hang on. 493 00:32:05,494 --> 00:32:07,701 That's not what I was trying to do. 494 00:32:07,854 --> 00:32:10,255 - Everybody okay? - Oh, shit! 495 00:32:20,533 --> 00:32:22,376 - Go, Dad! Go, go! - Oh, my God. 496 00:32:44,333 --> 00:32:45,823 - Oh, shit! - Goddamn it. 497 00:32:54,693 --> 00:32:57,264 All right, boys. This is you. 498 00:32:57,413 --> 00:32:59,939 - I call both beds. - You get one bed. 499 00:33:00,093 --> 00:33:02,300 If you need anything, Mom and I are next door. 500 00:33:02,453 --> 00:33:05,502 Oh, uh, I think I saw a hot tub, Dad. Is it okay if I take a soak? 501 00:33:06,373 --> 00:33:07,977 Yeah. Yeah, sure. 502 00:33:08,133 --> 00:33:10,295 But if anyone tries to shove you in their car... 503 00:33:10,453 --> 00:33:12,581 ...give them a good scratch like I showed you. 504 00:33:12,733 --> 00:33:13,780 - I will. - All right. 505 00:33:13,933 --> 00:33:15,094 - Attaboy. - Thanks. 506 00:33:16,813 --> 00:33:18,303 So... 507 00:33:18,493 --> 00:33:23,055 ...how come you never told me about the whole Debbie Do-Anything thing? 508 00:33:23,253 --> 00:33:25,301 Heh. Come on, that was so long ago. 509 00:33:25,453 --> 00:33:27,899 Yeah, but it's part of who you are... 510 00:33:28,053 --> 00:33:29,737 ...and I wanna know all about you. 511 00:33:29,893 --> 00:33:33,136 All right. Well, that's fair. What do you wanna know? 512 00:33:33,293 --> 00:33:35,295 How many guys did you sleep with before me? 513 00:33:35,453 --> 00:33:37,023 No, no, no. 514 00:33:37,173 --> 00:33:38,902 - No, no, no. - Oh, come on. 515 00:33:39,053 --> 00:33:40,976 Come on. That's not important. 516 00:33:41,133 --> 00:33:43,659 - No, I know. But I'm just... - You really need to know? 517 00:33:43,853 --> 00:33:45,503 - It just... - Oh, okay. 518 00:33:45,693 --> 00:33:47,457 - I'm just curious. - Okay, okay. 519 00:33:47,933 --> 00:33:50,254 Um, let's see. 520 00:33:55,373 --> 00:33:56,454 And then... 521 00:33:57,293 --> 00:33:58,897 Kind of taking you a little while, heh. 522 00:33:59,053 --> 00:34:01,454 Okay, uh, so around... 523 00:34:01,893 --> 00:34:03,133 - Th... - Three. 524 00:34:03,813 --> 00:34:07,977 Three. That's actually reassuring, because, heh, it's the same as me. 525 00:34:08,173 --> 00:34:10,494 No, didn't say three. 526 00:34:11,533 --> 00:34:13,262 Thirteen? Thirteen? 527 00:34:13,413 --> 00:34:15,575 - Nope. - And it's not three? 528 00:34:15,733 --> 00:34:16,973 It's around 30. 529 00:34:17,133 --> 00:34:18,498 Thirty! Phew. 530 00:34:18,933 --> 00:34:20,344 Wow, holy cow. 531 00:34:20,493 --> 00:34:23,258 See, now I feel like you're judging me. 532 00:34:23,413 --> 00:34:24,653 I'm Judging me. 533 00:34:25,573 --> 00:34:29,180 - Your number is so much higher than mine. - Yes, it is a big number... 534 00:34:29,333 --> 00:34:31,939 ...but it doesn't matter. Honey, it doesn't matter. 535 00:34:32,093 --> 00:34:34,858 You're so cool. I feel like a loser. 536 00:34:35,013 --> 00:34:37,493 You are not a loser, okay? 537 00:34:37,653 --> 00:34:41,659 Yeah? Because, uh, I had to work pretty hard just to get those three. 538 00:34:42,814 --> 00:34:46,375 Had to take care of Jenny's grandfather for months before she slept with me. 539 00:34:46,534 --> 00:34:49,219 - And he was racist. - Please, don't base it on me. 540 00:34:49,374 --> 00:34:50,944 I was, like, crazy back then. 541 00:34:51,134 --> 00:34:54,502 I was completely immature and acting out... 542 00:34:54,654 --> 00:34:57,419 ...and just really, like, free with my body... 543 00:34:57,574 --> 00:34:59,736 ...and that's just not who I am anymore. 544 00:34:59,934 --> 00:35:01,299 That's not who we are. 545 00:35:01,454 --> 00:35:04,139 Well, we're pretty free with our bodies. 546 00:35:04,294 --> 00:35:05,705 But you have to admit... 547 00:35:05,894 --> 00:35:07,942 ...I feel like we've gotten... 548 00:35:08,574 --> 00:35:13,057 ...like, less free with our bodies. 549 00:35:13,214 --> 00:35:15,420 But we have sex every week with our bodies. 550 00:35:15,613 --> 00:35:17,103 We do. But... 551 00:35:17,253 --> 00:35:20,462 I mean, it's gotten a little routine, babe. 552 00:35:20,613 --> 00:35:24,823 You know, you always are lighting that same Yankee Candle and everything. 553 00:35:24,973 --> 00:35:29,979 And I don't know, it might be nice to mix it up a little bit every once in a while. 554 00:35:30,133 --> 00:35:31,294 Okay? No big deal. 555 00:35:31,453 --> 00:35:33,421 I'm gonna go take a shower, okay? 556 00:35:33,573 --> 00:35:35,462 I'm gonna take one with you. 557 00:35:36,533 --> 00:35:39,457 - Hmm? - Uh... We'll have sex in it. 558 00:35:39,613 --> 00:35:41,217 Yeah. In the shower. 559 00:35:42,213 --> 00:35:45,535 How's that for getting free with our bodies, Debbie Do-Anything? 560 00:35:45,693 --> 00:35:47,297 - I like that. - Yeah. 561 00:35:47,453 --> 00:35:49,023 Oh, Russ. 562 00:35:51,293 --> 00:35:53,261 Just be careful not to drop the soap. 563 00:35:53,413 --> 00:35:54,744 Oh, I won't. 564 00:35:57,133 --> 00:35:58,294 What? 565 00:35:59,133 --> 00:36:02,216 - This is fun and different. - I know. It is. 566 00:36:02,533 --> 00:36:05,343 You are so cute when you get excited about stuff. 567 00:36:06,733 --> 00:36:08,940 You're, like, so cute always. 568 00:36:09,093 --> 00:36:11,414 Aw, honey. 569 00:36:13,493 --> 00:36:16,383 Oh, my... Holy shit! Are those mushrooms?! 570 00:36:16,533 --> 00:36:17,659 Looks like somebody... 571 00:36:17,813 --> 00:36:19,702 - ...blew their head off in there. - Oh, God. 572 00:36:20,653 --> 00:36:22,223 So should we, uh...? 573 00:36:22,373 --> 00:36:24,102 Should we get in or...? 574 00:36:25,213 --> 00:36:27,022 No, right, heh? 575 00:36:27,173 --> 00:36:30,780 Yeah. I'm gonna see if there's something to clean that with. 576 00:36:30,933 --> 00:36:33,015 Hmm. Maybe the housekeeping left a... 577 00:36:33,173 --> 00:36:36,017 Oh, well, here's a Brillo Pad. 578 00:36:36,173 --> 00:36:37,584 I'll just... 579 00:36:37,733 --> 00:36:39,223 - Russ. - Yeah. 580 00:36:39,373 --> 00:36:40,659 That's not a Brillo Pad. 581 00:36:40,813 --> 00:36:42,099 It's a ball of pubic hair. 582 00:36:44,733 --> 00:36:46,417 - Oh, my gosh. - There's so much of it. 583 00:36:46,573 --> 00:36:49,816 Who has that much pubic hair? It's not even possible. 584 00:36:49,973 --> 00:36:52,340 No, not one person. That's all different colors. 585 00:36:54,293 --> 00:36:56,375 That's from like 30 different guys. 586 00:36:56,533 --> 00:36:58,217 Oh, shut up, Russ. 587 00:36:58,413 --> 00:36:59,824 No. I'm sorry. 588 00:36:59,973 --> 00:37:02,817 <i>Through the curtains hanging in the window</i> 589 00:37:03,013 --> 00:37:07,018 <i>In the evening on a Friday night</i> 590 00:37:08,893 --> 00:37:11,703 <i>Little light shining through the window</i> 591 00:37:11,893 --> 00:37:16,979 <i>Lets me know everything's gonna be all right</i> 592 00:37:18,173 --> 00:37:22,656 <i>Summer breeze makes me feel fine</i> 593 00:37:23,253 --> 00:37:26,257 <i>Blowing through the jasmine in my mi...</i> 594 00:37:26,453 --> 00:37:27,500 You're pretty good. 595 00:37:28,933 --> 00:37:32,460 Jeez, sorry. 596 00:37:32,613 --> 00:37:34,934 I, uh, heh, didn't mean to scare you. 597 00:37:36,693 --> 00:37:38,422 - Hi. - Hi. 598 00:37:38,573 --> 00:37:41,895 - You were in the Jeep. - And you were in that plastic bag. 599 00:37:42,733 --> 00:37:44,701 That was my stupid brother. 600 00:37:44,853 --> 00:37:46,696 Gotcha. Big brothers suck. 601 00:37:46,853 --> 00:37:47,934 Oh, no. 602 00:37:48,093 --> 00:37:50,414 Yeah, big, heh. 603 00:37:50,573 --> 00:37:51,734 I'm Adena. 604 00:37:52,333 --> 00:37:53,619 James. 605 00:37:53,813 --> 00:37:55,781 - I have a penis. - What? 606 00:37:55,933 --> 00:37:57,458 It's on your guitar. 607 00:37:58,893 --> 00:38:00,975 - Same brother. - What an asshole. 608 00:38:01,133 --> 00:38:02,737 Yeah. 609 00:38:02,893 --> 00:38:04,577 You wanna go in? 610 00:38:04,733 --> 00:38:06,098 Absolutely. 611 00:38:07,093 --> 00:38:09,016 Well, what have we here? 612 00:38:09,173 --> 00:38:11,380 Little Romeo and Juliet situation? 613 00:38:13,213 --> 00:38:15,693 My name's Russ. Pleased to meet you both. 614 00:38:16,933 --> 00:38:20,254 I'm just a stranger, passing through town. 615 00:38:20,412 --> 00:38:24,019 But I couldn't help noticing how incredibly handsome this young man is. 616 00:38:24,172 --> 00:38:26,015 What's your story? You got a girlfriend? 617 00:38:26,172 --> 00:38:27,458 No. 618 00:38:27,612 --> 00:38:29,341 What? No girlfriend? 619 00:38:30,532 --> 00:38:32,819 Cute boy like that? Somebody's gonna snatch you up. 620 00:38:32,972 --> 00:38:34,656 - Do you want me to call the cops? - No. 621 00:38:34,852 --> 00:38:36,377 And he plays guitar? 622 00:38:36,532 --> 00:38:37,943 Dream boy. 623 00:38:38,732 --> 00:38:39,858 - Make a muscle. - I'd... 624 00:38:40,012 --> 00:38:41,172 - Do it. - ...rather not. 625 00:38:41,292 --> 00:38:42,976 Take your shirt off. Make a muscle. 626 00:38:43,132 --> 00:38:44,941 - I really don't want to. - Don't be shy. 627 00:38:45,092 --> 00:38:46,972 - Show us what you're working with. - All right. 628 00:38:47,052 --> 00:38:49,737 Um, I should go. 629 00:38:51,292 --> 00:38:53,420 Are you sure that you'll be okay? 630 00:38:53,572 --> 00:38:54,812 I think so. 631 00:38:54,972 --> 00:38:56,383 Okay. 632 00:38:59,292 --> 00:39:00,418 Bye. 633 00:39:01,012 --> 00:39:02,059 Dang it. 634 00:39:02,492 --> 00:39:05,416 - Dad, why would you do that? - Saw you talking to her. 635 00:39:05,572 --> 00:39:08,655 - Figured you could use a wingman. - I didn't need a wingman. 636 00:39:08,812 --> 00:39:12,533 - Well, heh, looks like you did. She left. - That's because you were approaching... 637 00:39:12,692 --> 00:39:14,740 You know, James, when I was your age... 638 00:39:14,932 --> 00:39:19,415 ...Grandpa Clark sat me down and we had a little chat. 639 00:39:19,572 --> 00:39:23,816 Seeing you with that girl made me realize that we haven't had that chat yet. 640 00:39:23,972 --> 00:39:25,462 - We don't need that chat. - Yeah? 641 00:39:25,652 --> 00:39:29,020 Come on, I know it's embarrassing, but it'd be a lot more embarrassing... 642 00:39:29,172 --> 00:39:32,016 ...if you found yourself tummy to tummy with a lady friend... 643 00:39:32,172 --> 00:39:35,016 ...and didn't know what goes where. - I know what goes where. 644 00:39:35,172 --> 00:39:36,298 - You do? - Uh-huh. 645 00:39:36,452 --> 00:39:37,738 - You sure? - Yep. 646 00:39:37,892 --> 00:39:40,736 All right, all right. Well, I just want you to know... 647 00:39:40,892 --> 00:39:44,942 ...I'm here to answer any questions you might have about that stuff. 648 00:39:45,132 --> 00:39:47,612 No matter how uncomfortable it seems. 649 00:39:49,652 --> 00:39:51,177 Yeah, okay. 650 00:39:51,332 --> 00:39:54,381 - Yeah, right. Here it comes. - Yeah. All right. Okay. 651 00:39:54,852 --> 00:39:59,460 Uh, there were some kids at school who were talking about... 652 00:39:59,612 --> 00:40:00,693 ...rim jobs. 653 00:40:00,852 --> 00:40:04,095 - Hmm. - So, what's that? What's a rim job? 654 00:40:04,372 --> 00:40:06,215 - Rim jobs. - Yeah. 655 00:40:06,692 --> 00:40:08,933 - Is that R-I-M? - Mm-hm. 656 00:40:10,492 --> 00:40:12,415 Rim job. Country of origin. 657 00:40:12,612 --> 00:40:14,979 I don't know. Um, America. 658 00:40:15,132 --> 00:40:16,782 Can I hear it in a sentence? 659 00:40:17,972 --> 00:40:20,020 - What's a rim job, Dad? - Oh. 660 00:40:21,652 --> 00:40:23,815 Well, rim job. 661 00:40:24,173 --> 00:40:27,700 I would guess a rim job is when you kiss someone with your mouth closed. 662 00:40:27,853 --> 00:40:30,504 Right? So you're only using the rim of your mouth. 663 00:40:31,253 --> 00:40:32,664 - That's it? - Sure. 664 00:40:32,813 --> 00:40:35,942 It felt like it was something way dirtier. 665 00:40:36,093 --> 00:40:38,061 No, I mean, what else could it be? 666 00:40:38,893 --> 00:40:40,099 Any other questions? 667 00:40:40,253 --> 00:40:41,857 I guess not. 668 00:40:42,053 --> 00:40:43,418 Good talk, James. 669 00:40:44,853 --> 00:40:48,938 Now, I hope you're not too old to let your dad give you... 670 00:40:49,093 --> 00:40:50,583 ...a good-night rim job. 671 00:42:05,372 --> 00:42:08,023 Looks like we might get to Aunt Audrey's before dinner. 672 00:42:08,172 --> 00:42:09,776 Will Uncle Stone be there? 673 00:42:09,932 --> 00:42:12,014 Yeah, I suppose he will. 674 00:42:12,172 --> 00:42:15,335 - Uncle Stone is cool. - You have to be cool to be a celebrity. 675 00:42:15,892 --> 00:42:17,781 Heh. He's not exactly a celebrity. 676 00:42:17,932 --> 00:42:19,980 I mean, he's a local weatherman. That's all. 677 00:42:20,132 --> 00:42:22,976 Uh, actually, Audrey said that the networks are interested in him. 678 00:42:23,132 --> 00:42:24,179 - Yeah? - Oh, yeah. 679 00:42:24,372 --> 00:42:25,737 All right. Well, good for him. 680 00:42:25,892 --> 00:42:29,260 - Think Uncle Stone will let me ride his horse? - I don't see why not. 681 00:42:29,412 --> 00:42:31,779 - Do you think I can shoot his guns? - No, you cannot. 682 00:42:32,492 --> 00:42:36,053 Too bad. I would've shot you right off that fucking horse. 683 00:42:38,292 --> 00:42:41,375 I never would've imagined my sister marrying such a conservative. 684 00:42:41,532 --> 00:42:45,059 Yeah, but just because Stone's political beliefs are different than ours... 685 00:42:45,212 --> 00:42:47,499 ...doesn't mean he's not good-looking. I... 686 00:42:47,692 --> 00:42:49,421 A good person. 687 00:42:51,692 --> 00:42:53,103 - You said it. - Uh, honey... 688 00:42:53,252 --> 00:42:54,299 Hey, look at that! 689 00:42:54,452 --> 00:42:57,262 Hot springs up ahead. We've always wanted to do that. 690 00:42:57,452 --> 00:42:59,534 Oh, honey, we don't wanna be late to Audrey's. 691 00:42:59,692 --> 00:43:01,854 So we're a few minutes late. 692 00:43:02,012 --> 00:43:05,812 We're on vacation. Right? Come on. Let's have some fun. 693 00:43:06,532 --> 00:43:07,579 Okay. 694 00:43:15,612 --> 00:43:17,580 - Oh. Look at the line. - This will take forever. 695 00:43:17,732 --> 00:43:21,054 Come on, guys. How often do we get to soak in hot water? 696 00:43:21,212 --> 00:43:22,702 Every time we take a bath. 697 00:43:23,172 --> 00:43:25,300 No, this is different, okay? This is natural. 698 00:43:25,452 --> 00:43:27,932 This water was heated in Mother Nature's bowels. 699 00:43:28,092 --> 00:43:29,423 Oh. Gross. 700 00:43:29,892 --> 00:43:31,860 There's gotta be another way in. 701 00:43:32,812 --> 00:43:35,497 I'm gonna ask this gentleman. I bet he'd know. 702 00:43:35,692 --> 00:43:37,137 Excuse me, sir. 703 00:43:37,292 --> 00:43:38,623 - Hi there. - Hey. Hi. 704 00:43:38,812 --> 00:43:42,942 Hey, we were wondering. ls there another entrance to the hot springs? 705 00:43:43,092 --> 00:43:45,333 Like a secret entrance the locals use? 706 00:43:45,492 --> 00:43:49,656 - Line can get pretty long this time of year, huh? - Yeah. Yeah, it sure can. 707 00:43:49,812 --> 00:43:51,223 Yeah, I'll tell you what you'll do. 708 00:43:51,372 --> 00:43:54,455 Uh, can you see that dirt road? That path there on the left? 709 00:43:54,612 --> 00:43:57,218 - Yeah. - If you just follow that all the way up... 710 00:43:57,372 --> 00:43:59,215 ...that'll take you to the hot springs. 711 00:43:59,372 --> 00:44:01,261 All right, perfect. Thank you. 712 00:44:01,412 --> 00:44:04,382 Oh, no, no. You bet. Y'all have a good time. 713 00:44:04,532 --> 00:44:06,500 - Oh, will do, heh. - Heh. 714 00:44:06,692 --> 00:44:08,262 Hey, what's your pet rat's name? 715 00:44:08,412 --> 00:44:10,096 Is my pet what? 716 00:44:10,572 --> 00:44:13,018 What the fuck? What the fuck?! What the fuck?! 717 00:44:14,372 --> 00:44:15,533 I don't know him. 718 00:44:26,251 --> 00:44:29,937 Honey, are you sure about this? I mean, nobody else is going this way. 719 00:44:30,451 --> 00:44:34,581 Yeah, well, most people think inside the box. 720 00:44:35,211 --> 00:44:37,452 But you know who thinks outside the box? 721 00:44:37,611 --> 00:44:39,454 Uncle Stone? 722 00:44:39,611 --> 00:44:42,262 Me. Your father. 723 00:44:46,691 --> 00:44:50,013 Um, honey, I don't see any hot springs. 724 00:44:50,171 --> 00:44:53,095 Well, the guy said it was right at the end of this road, so... 725 00:44:53,251 --> 00:44:57,461 Well, the guy also did not know he had a rat on his shoulder, so there's that. 726 00:44:57,651 --> 00:44:58,698 Hold on. 727 00:45:07,571 --> 00:45:10,051 Wow, honey, this is beautiful. 728 00:45:10,211 --> 00:45:12,657 - Isn't it? - Yeah. 729 00:45:13,931 --> 00:45:15,376 All right, everyone. 730 00:45:15,531 --> 00:45:18,011 In your bathing suits. Now! Heh. 731 00:45:19,451 --> 00:45:23,137 Looks like we found our own private hot spring. 732 00:45:23,971 --> 00:45:27,373 - I say we call it "Griswold Springs." - Heh. 733 00:45:28,411 --> 00:45:31,142 - The water's perfect. - Oh, my God. It's so nice. 734 00:45:31,291 --> 00:45:33,055 Why does it smell like rotten eggs? 735 00:45:33,211 --> 00:45:35,691 - That's the sulfur, buddy. It's natural. - Yeah. 736 00:45:35,851 --> 00:45:37,933 Yeah. And it's really good for you too. 737 00:45:38,091 --> 00:45:40,822 Actually, the minerals that are in this mud here... 738 00:45:40,971 --> 00:45:42,894 ...they draw toxins out of your body. 739 00:45:43,531 --> 00:45:44,578 Can you believe that? 740 00:45:44,731 --> 00:45:45,892 Cool, right? 741 00:45:49,971 --> 00:45:51,018 Oh, wow. 742 00:45:51,891 --> 00:45:55,338 Mm. This is perfect. 743 00:45:55,731 --> 00:45:57,415 It's exactly what we needed. 744 00:45:57,571 --> 00:45:59,812 Oh, yeah. Good call, Griswold. 745 00:46:02,491 --> 00:46:04,653 - Oh, man. - Yeah. 746 00:46:04,811 --> 00:46:07,053 - Oh, yeah. That's it. - That's it. That's it. 747 00:46:07,212 --> 00:46:09,738 I can feel my body detoxifying. 748 00:46:14,932 --> 00:46:15,979 You know... 749 00:46:17,092 --> 00:46:20,539 ...it tastes a little shitty, but I think that's part of it. That's okay. 750 00:46:20,732 --> 00:46:22,257 This is wonderful. 751 00:46:27,372 --> 00:46:29,454 That is the stuff. 752 00:46:30,452 --> 00:46:31,533 What is that, honey? 753 00:46:31,692 --> 00:46:33,615 On your ear. What's on your ear? 754 00:46:33,932 --> 00:46:35,013 What is that? 755 00:46:36,612 --> 00:46:37,738 It's an ear! 756 00:46:39,892 --> 00:46:41,781 Look, James. Found a dart. 757 00:46:41,972 --> 00:46:43,337 Are you crazy? 758 00:46:43,492 --> 00:46:46,098 Oh, my God! Everybody out of Griswold Springs! 759 00:46:46,252 --> 00:46:48,220 - Get out of the poop! - That was nasty! 760 00:46:49,412 --> 00:46:50,459 All over me! 761 00:46:51,052 --> 00:46:52,861 I don't like Griswold Springs. 762 00:46:54,212 --> 00:46:55,259 Is that our car alarm? 763 00:46:57,332 --> 00:46:58,493 What? 764 00:46:59,092 --> 00:47:03,461 Ugh. How come that local guy didn't tell us there are thieves in these woods? 765 00:47:04,652 --> 00:47:05,699 Oh, right. 766 00:47:07,132 --> 00:47:08,179 He took my guitar. 767 00:47:08,332 --> 00:47:10,221 Oh, my God. He took all our money, Russ. 768 00:47:10,412 --> 00:47:12,141 All right, not a best-case scenario. 769 00:47:12,292 --> 00:47:13,623 But, hey. 770 00:47:13,772 --> 00:47:15,376 He left your book. 771 00:47:15,532 --> 00:47:18,900 So, I guess we get the last laugh. 772 00:47:19,052 --> 00:47:20,099 Oh, really, honey? 773 00:47:20,292 --> 00:47:22,499 We're naked and covered in human waste. 774 00:47:22,652 --> 00:47:25,656 Oh, come on, sweetheart. We don't know that it's human. 775 00:47:33,091 --> 00:47:36,061 This is so embarrassing. I feel like your cousin Eddie's family. 776 00:47:36,211 --> 00:47:39,852 It's no big deal. We'll just tell Stone and Audrey what happened. 777 00:47:40,011 --> 00:47:41,581 Kids, remember what happened? 778 00:47:41,771 --> 00:47:44,172 We pulled over to rescue a baby from a burning car... 779 00:47:44,331 --> 00:47:47,335 ...and somebody stole all of our stuff while we were distracted. 780 00:47:47,531 --> 00:47:50,102 And why are we naked and covered in feces? 781 00:47:50,251 --> 00:47:51,776 I don't remember. 782 00:47:51,931 --> 00:47:54,252 That's right. We don't remember. 783 00:48:12,811 --> 00:48:14,336 Oh, my God. 784 00:48:15,531 --> 00:48:17,340 Oh, come on. 785 00:48:20,291 --> 00:48:23,261 - What're we gonna do? - Can you give me a hand with this? Please? 786 00:48:23,411 --> 00:48:26,017 Just... Yeah. 787 00:48:26,171 --> 00:48:27,696 Oh, gosh. 788 00:48:27,851 --> 00:48:30,297 - I can't. I can't get it off. - Just use your spit. 789 00:48:30,491 --> 00:48:31,617 Oh, okay. 790 00:48:33,211 --> 00:48:34,372 Focus on the balls. 791 00:48:34,531 --> 00:48:36,693 If you guys wanna stop, that'd be good too. 792 00:48:38,731 --> 00:48:40,938 Stay on the balls. I've got the shaft. 793 00:48:41,891 --> 00:48:42,972 Hi, y'all! 794 00:48:43,731 --> 00:48:45,415 Hey. Oh, my goodness. Hi. 795 00:48:45,571 --> 00:48:46,936 What happened? 796 00:48:47,571 --> 00:48:48,857 Well, that's a... 797 00:48:49,051 --> 00:48:50,780 It's a crazy story... 798 00:48:50,931 --> 00:48:52,660 Dad got scammed by a guy at a park. 799 00:48:52,811 --> 00:48:55,018 - Kevin. - Same old Rusty. 800 00:48:55,171 --> 00:48:56,661 You'd buy water from a faucet. 801 00:49:00,771 --> 00:49:02,899 Anyway, you guys look disgusting. 802 00:49:03,051 --> 00:49:05,452 I have some clothes I was gonna give to the church... 803 00:49:05,651 --> 00:49:07,699 ...if you guys wanna borrow some of those. 804 00:49:07,851 --> 00:49:09,341 - Great. Thank you, Audrey. - Yeah. 805 00:49:09,531 --> 00:49:11,499 - Come on inside. - All right. 806 00:49:11,651 --> 00:49:13,380 Boy, y'all stink. 807 00:49:17,011 --> 00:49:18,900 Oh, I don't like that. 808 00:49:19,851 --> 00:49:23,094 Man, this place makes our house look like shit. 809 00:49:23,291 --> 00:49:28,616 Well, Kevin, that's only because a dollar goes much further out here than it does in Chicago. 810 00:49:29,251 --> 00:49:31,902 Especially when you make a lot more of them, heh. 811 00:49:32,971 --> 00:49:34,211 Just messing with you. 812 00:49:34,371 --> 00:49:37,454 Shoot, you boys are growing faster than a weed under a faucet. 813 00:49:37,611 --> 00:49:40,376 - You still rassling, son? - Uh-huh. 814 00:49:40,571 --> 00:49:42,255 Uh-huh. Oh, come on. Show me what you got. 815 00:49:46,211 --> 00:49:50,102 - Hey, Kevin. Get off your brother, please. - They're just having themselves a rassle. 816 00:49:50,251 --> 00:49:53,300 - It's what brothers do. - Hey, oh, look at you guys. 817 00:49:53,491 --> 00:49:56,938 Hot damn. Debbie Griswold. You just keep getting prettier. 818 00:49:57,091 --> 00:49:59,253 - Oh, stop. - No, I mean it. 819 00:49:59,771 --> 00:50:02,661 You could make hot water come out of the cold faucet. 820 00:50:04,651 --> 00:50:06,301 Oh, heh. That's very sweet. 821 00:50:06,451 --> 00:50:09,057 You know, I remember the night you first wore that dress. 822 00:50:09,251 --> 00:50:11,492 - You remember that night? - I remember that night. 823 00:50:11,651 --> 00:50:14,416 - I'll never forget that night. - Neither will I, baby. 824 00:50:14,571 --> 00:50:15,902 You're my fucking husband. 825 00:50:16,091 --> 00:50:18,139 Oh, betcha, I am. I'm your caveman. 826 00:50:19,611 --> 00:50:21,420 I'll rip you in half. 827 00:50:22,451 --> 00:50:24,419 I wanna have all your babies. 828 00:50:24,571 --> 00:50:26,699 On, baby. 829 00:50:28,651 --> 00:50:31,096 I hit the fucking jackpot with you. 830 00:50:31,250 --> 00:50:33,173 Oh, God, what I'm gonna do to you tonight. 831 00:50:34,850 --> 00:50:37,171 Who wants to see Stone's man cave? 832 00:50:39,250 --> 00:50:40,297 Yeah. 833 00:50:40,490 --> 00:50:41,935 Is this Charlton Heston? 834 00:50:42,090 --> 00:50:44,092 Yep, Chuck was a good friend. 835 00:50:44,290 --> 00:50:47,499 I can't tell you how many nights we spent drinking bourbon together... 836 00:50:47,650 --> 00:50:49,618 ...crying about the state of this country. 837 00:50:49,770 --> 00:50:52,376 It's true, they did. They literally cried together. 838 00:50:52,530 --> 00:50:55,613 Hmm. Somehow I don't see you crying, though, Stone. 839 00:50:55,770 --> 00:50:57,295 Yeah, that's, uh... 840 00:50:57,450 --> 00:50:59,259 That's kind of embarrassing, right? 841 00:51:00,050 --> 00:51:01,700 Not embarrassing to me. 842 00:51:01,890 --> 00:51:04,939 Even the strongest faucet sometimes lets out a few drops, heh. 843 00:51:05,090 --> 00:51:07,331 What is with these faucets? 844 00:51:07,490 --> 00:51:09,174 Everyone thought that F-4 twister... 845 00:51:09,330 --> 00:51:11,776 - ...was gonna bypass Harris County. - Not my Stone. 846 00:51:11,930 --> 00:51:16,652 I had a feeling that that low-pressure system was gonna make a beeline for Mission Bend. 847 00:51:17,290 --> 00:51:21,375 Thanks to my report, those people had an extra 15 minutes to evacuate. 848 00:51:21,570 --> 00:51:24,938 - Ah. - Governor Perry said he saved 2000 lives. 849 00:51:25,090 --> 00:51:27,900 That's how many we lost at Pearl Harbor... 850 00:51:28,050 --> 00:51:31,259 ...so basically he stopped Pearl Harbor. 851 00:51:31,410 --> 00:51:34,141 That's when the national news called. Now, between us... 852 00:51:34,290 --> 00:51:35,810 ...it's looking good. Ain't it, honey? 853 00:51:37,650 --> 00:51:41,291 Course none of that would've been possible without my sugar mama here... 854 00:51:41,450 --> 00:51:44,294 ...working day and night to put me through meteorology school. 855 00:51:44,450 --> 00:51:47,579 I liked working, baby. I didn't mind it one bit. 856 00:51:47,770 --> 00:51:49,853 Well, you never have to do it again, darling. 857 00:51:50,011 --> 00:51:51,661 But it kind of gave me purpose. 858 00:51:51,811 --> 00:51:53,620 Nope, never again. That is a promise. 859 00:51:55,291 --> 00:51:57,817 Wow, Uncle Stone, I may not agree with your politics... 860 00:51:57,971 --> 00:52:01,020 - ...but that doesn't mean I don't admire you. - Well, thank you. 861 00:52:01,171 --> 00:52:05,062 But the man you should admire the most is sitting right next to you. 862 00:52:05,611 --> 00:52:07,295 But there's nobody there. 863 00:52:07,451 --> 00:52:09,931 Oh, I don't mean that chair. I mean your pa right here. 864 00:52:10,091 --> 00:52:11,331 Okay, heh. 865 00:52:11,491 --> 00:52:13,539 - He doesn't save anybody's life. - Doesn't he? 866 00:52:14,291 --> 00:52:18,296 Well, every time he flies that little plane of his, he's saving lives by not crashing. 867 00:52:18,451 --> 00:52:19,577 And in my book... 868 00:52:20,131 --> 00:52:21,417 ...that makes him a hero. 869 00:52:22,211 --> 00:52:24,532 Thank you. You know, a lot of people actually... 870 00:52:24,691 --> 00:52:29,094 Not to mention, he also snagged himself one sweet slice of foxy pie in your mama there. 871 00:52:29,251 --> 00:52:32,255 You gotta stop that today. Stop it. 872 00:52:33,211 --> 00:52:35,817 You know what I always wanted to know was... 873 00:52:36,411 --> 00:52:39,574 ...when did you first know the weather? 874 00:52:40,931 --> 00:52:41,978 You all right, Deb? 875 00:52:42,171 --> 00:52:44,094 - What? - Hey, there's a cow. 876 00:52:45,571 --> 00:52:47,335 Oh, not a cow. That's a steer. 877 00:52:47,491 --> 00:52:51,541 That there is $6000 worth of juicy, purebred Angus beef. 878 00:52:52,971 --> 00:52:56,214 It's Stone's new passion, raising cattle. He's even named them. 879 00:52:56,411 --> 00:52:59,858 Uh-huh. Old Sebastian here loves him some ribs. 880 00:53:00,051 --> 00:53:01,212 Here you go, boy. 881 00:53:01,371 --> 00:53:03,533 Yeah. Oh, that's it. 882 00:53:05,931 --> 00:53:08,901 - Dad, isn't that...? - Cannibalism? Yeah. 883 00:53:09,051 --> 00:53:12,897 You boys get up early tomorrow, you can watch me herd these suckers into the corral. 884 00:53:13,091 --> 00:53:14,934 - Oh! - Wait a minute, wait a minute. 885 00:53:15,091 --> 00:53:16,502 You herd them yourself? 886 00:53:16,691 --> 00:53:18,261 Heh, I'm a man, aren't I? 887 00:53:18,411 --> 00:53:19,822 Yes. 888 00:53:21,011 --> 00:53:24,458 Uh, hey, Stone, not sure if you need a hand out there, but I'd love to help. 889 00:53:24,611 --> 00:53:27,899 Sure thing. If you're up for it I can always use an extra set of hands. 890 00:53:28,051 --> 00:53:31,533 Well, I was born with an extra set of hands. 891 00:53:32,450 --> 00:53:34,293 That's an odd thing to say, heh. 892 00:53:34,850 --> 00:53:37,217 But I reckon this'll be the highlight of your trip. 893 00:53:37,370 --> 00:53:40,977 Well, the real highlight, of course, will be when we get to Walley World... 894 00:53:41,170 --> 00:53:45,175 ...and I take my family on the Velociraptor. 895 00:53:45,330 --> 00:53:49,016 I think it is so weird. I don't know why you want to go back to Walley World... 896 00:53:49,170 --> 00:53:50,615 ...after Dad flipped out there. 897 00:53:50,810 --> 00:53:54,940 Audrey, Dad flipped out because he loved us and wanted us to be close. 898 00:53:55,090 --> 00:53:57,900 And we were. And that's all I want for my family. 899 00:53:59,530 --> 00:54:01,214 You're such a clown. 900 00:54:01,370 --> 00:54:02,735 You're a clown. 901 00:54:02,890 --> 00:54:04,699 Babe, baby, I think Rusty's right. 902 00:54:04,850 --> 00:54:09,253 You know, family is the most important thing there is. 903 00:54:09,450 --> 00:54:11,259 Little something... 904 00:54:14,250 --> 00:54:16,491 Maybe we'll take baby Cooper on a trip this summer. 905 00:54:16,650 --> 00:54:17,936 Yeah, not to Walley World. 906 00:54:18,130 --> 00:54:19,780 - Oh, God, no. - Because that'd be stupid. 907 00:54:19,930 --> 00:54:22,137 That'd be stupid. How about Paris? 908 00:54:25,170 --> 00:54:27,980 And then we get back I can maybe get a part-time job? 909 00:54:28,130 --> 00:54:31,054 Well, not while there's breath in my body, sweetheart. 910 00:54:35,890 --> 00:54:38,461 You know, honey, I am really happy for your sister. 911 00:54:38,650 --> 00:54:39,697 - Yeah? - Seriously. 912 00:54:39,850 --> 00:54:42,694 She and Stone seem really in love. It's nice. 913 00:54:42,850 --> 00:54:45,854 These pants Stone gave me are really stretched out in the crotch. 914 00:54:46,010 --> 00:54:48,172 Weird. Why would they be stretched out in the...? 915 00:54:48,330 --> 00:54:49,980 - God, I don't know. - Holy shit. 916 00:54:50,130 --> 00:54:52,417 How much you think they paid for this house? 917 00:54:53,730 --> 00:54:57,212 Whoa. Oh, okay, whoa. 918 00:54:57,370 --> 00:54:59,532 Oh, should I see if Audrey has a Yankee Candle? 919 00:54:59,690 --> 00:55:02,341 Fuck the Yankee Candle. I wanna do this now. 920 00:55:03,490 --> 00:55:06,733 - Oh, God, you're so sexy. Oh, my God. - Oh, what has gotten into you? 921 00:55:08,010 --> 00:55:09,216 What? What, what? 922 00:55:10,130 --> 00:55:11,655 This is because of him, isn't it? 923 00:55:11,850 --> 00:55:13,181 What? Who? 924 00:55:14,010 --> 00:55:15,580 Because of who? 925 00:55:15,770 --> 00:55:17,101 Because of Stone. 926 00:55:17,250 --> 00:55:19,571 - What? - That's why you're jumping my bones. 927 00:55:19,770 --> 00:55:21,818 - You're thinking of him. - That's ridiculous. 928 00:55:21,970 --> 00:55:24,018 Then how come the one night we're with him... 929 00:55:24,170 --> 00:55:28,653 - ...you turn into some kind of sexual character? - I don't know where you're going with this... 930 00:55:28,810 --> 00:55:31,177 - Where's your wedding ring? - Oh, my God. 931 00:55:31,330 --> 00:55:33,697 Before we got here, you took off your wedding ring? 932 00:55:33,850 --> 00:55:35,818 No, I didn't, Rusty. It was loose. 933 00:55:35,970 --> 00:55:37,415 You remember how loose it was? 934 00:55:37,570 --> 00:55:39,652 And I must've just dropped it somewhere. 935 00:55:39,810 --> 00:55:42,859 What was the plan? Show up with no ring, he'll think you're single? 936 00:55:43,010 --> 00:55:45,661 How will he think I'm single if I'm here with my husband? 937 00:55:45,810 --> 00:55:47,494 I don't know. It was your plan. 938 00:55:47,650 --> 00:55:49,732 It was not my pl... Okay. 939 00:55:51,010 --> 00:55:56,141 Yes, Stone is an impressive man, okay? 940 00:55:56,330 --> 00:55:58,219 But I married you, Rusty. 941 00:55:58,370 --> 00:56:00,611 And I am so sorry that I lost my ring... 942 00:56:00,810 --> 00:56:04,701 ...but I would never, ever, ever take it off on purpose. 943 00:56:07,410 --> 00:56:09,731 I know, I know. I just... 944 00:56:12,010 --> 00:56:14,536 I freaked out. I'm sorry. I just... 945 00:56:15,850 --> 00:56:17,090 We'll get you another ring. 946 00:56:17,290 --> 00:56:18,940 I liked that one. 947 00:56:21,410 --> 00:56:23,094 Hey, y'all decent? 948 00:56:23,290 --> 00:56:24,701 - Yes. Hi. - Hey. 949 00:56:24,850 --> 00:56:28,616 Okay. Just wanted to make sure y'all had everything you needed for the night. 950 00:56:29,330 --> 00:56:30,456 Yep. 951 00:56:31,450 --> 00:56:32,576 All right. 952 00:56:33,330 --> 00:56:36,538 Man, it sure is beautiful here this time of year, ain't it? 953 00:56:37,569 --> 00:56:39,890 And quiet. Listen. 954 00:56:40,569 --> 00:56:41,980 You hear that? 955 00:56:44,169 --> 00:56:46,570 - No. - Exactly. It's perfect silence. 956 00:56:46,769 --> 00:56:48,009 Hmm. 957 00:56:48,849 --> 00:56:50,851 Yeah, yeah. 958 00:56:51,009 --> 00:56:54,934 Well, uh, TV remote. Okay, let me show you. 959 00:56:55,089 --> 00:56:57,217 I've got, uh, channels... 960 00:56:57,409 --> 00:56:58,820 ...and the volume. 961 00:56:58,969 --> 00:57:00,334 On. Off. 962 00:57:00,849 --> 00:57:02,772 - Pretty straightforward. - Yeah. 963 00:57:02,929 --> 00:57:05,136 - Yeah. - Great. 964 00:57:05,289 --> 00:57:06,336 All right. 965 00:57:06,489 --> 00:57:10,289 Well, uh, if you get thirsty, there's fresh milk in the fridge... 966 00:57:10,449 --> 00:57:13,453 ...and have yourselves a good night. 967 00:57:13,609 --> 00:57:15,737 - Uh-huh. - Okay. 968 00:57:15,929 --> 00:57:18,091 - Night, Stone. - Good night, Stone. 969 00:57:18,809 --> 00:57:19,935 Man. 970 00:57:21,609 --> 00:57:23,020 Yeah. 971 00:57:26,129 --> 00:57:27,290 Okay. 972 00:57:30,049 --> 00:57:33,020 He totally just came in here to show off his six-pack. 973 00:57:37,050 --> 00:57:38,461 Hey, morning. 974 00:57:38,650 --> 00:57:40,652 Ugh, barely. 975 00:57:40,810 --> 00:57:42,539 How come you gotta do this at 6 a.m.? 976 00:57:42,690 --> 00:57:44,897 Well, I gotta be at the station by 7:30... 977 00:57:45,050 --> 00:57:47,701 ...for Stone Crandall's AccuWeather Report. 978 00:57:48,530 --> 00:57:50,373 Hey, you ever ride one of these things? 979 00:57:51,370 --> 00:57:52,781 No, never have. 980 00:57:52,930 --> 00:57:57,652 But, uh, can't imagine it's more complicated than an Airbus A318. 981 00:57:57,810 --> 00:58:00,336 Heh, yeah, well, that's the spirit. 982 00:58:00,490 --> 00:58:03,812 Now, the key here is to move back and forth along the edge of the herd. 983 00:58:03,970 --> 00:58:07,099 You keep your distance, though. You don't want to spook them. 984 00:58:07,250 --> 00:58:08,900 Got it. 985 00:58:09,050 --> 00:58:10,415 Okay. 986 00:58:11,490 --> 00:58:12,571 Are there helmets? 987 00:58:13,130 --> 00:58:15,212 Yeah, I keep them with the tampons. 988 00:58:15,770 --> 00:58:17,215 Just basic safety. 989 00:58:24,690 --> 00:58:26,055 This is exciting! 990 00:58:26,250 --> 00:58:28,981 It's my favorite way to start the day. 991 00:58:29,490 --> 00:58:31,219 This, and making love to your sister. 992 00:58:31,850 --> 00:58:33,090 Thank you for that. 993 00:58:37,930 --> 00:58:39,261 Come on, let's go! 994 00:58:40,090 --> 00:58:42,297 It looks like we got us a couple of mavericks. 995 00:58:42,450 --> 00:58:45,294 You take the one on the left. I'll take the one on the right. 996 00:58:45,450 --> 00:58:47,293 Unless you need my help with yours. 997 00:58:47,450 --> 00:58:48,895 No, I think I got it. 998 00:58:49,050 --> 00:58:51,098 Last one to the corral's a rotten cowpoke. 999 00:58:57,210 --> 00:58:58,655 Let's go! 1000 00:58:58,810 --> 00:59:00,892 Go! Get up! Get up! Get up! Let's go! 1001 00:59:02,570 --> 00:59:03,617 Whoa! 1002 00:59:11,010 --> 00:59:12,296 Hey! 1003 00:59:13,690 --> 00:59:14,930 Holy shit! 1004 00:59:16,650 --> 00:59:17,731 Oh, my gosh! 1005 00:59:24,930 --> 00:59:26,580 Is the cow okay? 1006 00:59:26,770 --> 00:59:29,853 No, the cow's not okay, Russ. You drove plumb through him. 1007 00:59:30,010 --> 00:59:31,580 Oh, no, Sebastian. 1008 00:59:33,970 --> 00:59:35,381 Gross. 1009 00:59:49,329 --> 00:59:50,615 Hey, gang, uh... 1010 00:59:51,289 --> 00:59:53,690 Maybe for lunch we could find a burger place. 1011 00:59:53,969 --> 00:59:55,733 You know, like a, uh... 1012 00:59:56,409 --> 00:59:59,015 Like a drive-through burger place. 1013 01:00:01,089 --> 01:00:03,296 I don't know, Dad. I think we should, uh... 1014 01:00:03,449 --> 01:00:05,690 ...steer clear of that. 1015 01:00:05,889 --> 01:00:08,495 - Good one, James. - All right, enough, you guys. 1016 01:00:08,649 --> 01:00:12,096 Dad hit a cow, okay? Let's just move on. 1017 01:00:13,769 --> 01:00:15,737 - Oh, I got one. - Yeah? Let's hear it. 1018 01:00:16,129 --> 01:00:18,211 James is a piece of shit. 1019 01:00:18,369 --> 01:00:20,451 You kind of missed the point there, buddy. 1020 01:00:57,769 --> 01:01:00,534 - Hey, hey. - What? What is it? What's wrong? 1021 01:01:00,689 --> 01:01:01,895 - Is everything okay? - Yeah. 1022 01:01:02,049 --> 01:01:03,539 - No, nothing's wrong. - Okay. 1023 01:01:03,689 --> 01:01:05,737 - Well, what? - I have an idea. 1024 01:01:06,009 --> 01:01:08,899 And it's gonna sound crazy, but hear me out, okay? 1025 01:01:09,049 --> 01:01:10,699 - Okay. - Okay. 1026 01:01:11,409 --> 01:01:13,776 We're right near the Four Corners Monument... 1027 01:01:13,929 --> 01:01:16,853 ...which is where four states come together in one spot. 1028 01:01:17,009 --> 01:01:19,615 - So? - Let's go have sex on it. 1029 01:01:20,209 --> 01:01:21,290 What? Heh. 1030 01:01:22,569 --> 01:01:26,255 Yeah, that way we can make love in four states at the same time. 1031 01:01:26,409 --> 01:01:27,490 Wait. 1032 01:01:27,929 --> 01:01:29,499 You're serious? 1033 01:01:30,049 --> 01:01:33,258 Yeah. I mean, you're the one who said we should mix it up. 1034 01:01:33,409 --> 01:01:36,413 What's more mixed-up than sex on a public monument? 1035 01:01:37,449 --> 01:01:39,451 Um, pretty sure Debbie Do-Anything would do it. 1036 01:01:39,649 --> 01:01:41,731 Okay, well, Debbie Do-Anything was a dumbass. 1037 01:01:41,889 --> 01:01:43,937 Maybe that's what we need. 1038 01:01:44,089 --> 01:01:46,171 To be dumbasses together. 1039 01:01:47,169 --> 01:01:48,819 What about the kids? 1040 01:01:49,649 --> 01:01:51,219 Well, Kevin's kind of a dumbass. 1041 01:01:51,409 --> 01:01:52,535 No, no, honey. 1042 01:01:52,689 --> 01:01:54,771 What are we gonna do about them? 1043 01:01:55,049 --> 01:01:57,211 They're fine. They're fast asleep. 1044 01:01:57,369 --> 01:01:59,736 We'll be back before they know we're gone. 1045 01:02:00,529 --> 01:02:01,655 - Okay. - Yeah? 1046 01:02:01,809 --> 01:02:03,379 All right, let's do it. 1047 01:02:19,769 --> 01:02:20,975 Mom? 1048 01:02:22,009 --> 01:02:23,056 Dad? 1049 01:02:28,809 --> 01:02:30,493 - James? - Mom? 1050 01:02:32,089 --> 01:02:35,332 - Adena? - Are you, like, stalking me or something? 1051 01:02:35,489 --> 01:02:37,571 No. What? No. 1052 01:02:37,729 --> 01:02:39,458 I'm kidding. 1053 01:02:39,609 --> 01:02:40,690 - Relax, heh. - Oh! 1054 01:02:43,528 --> 01:02:48,170 Hey, what happened with that perv who was hitting on you in Arkansas? 1055 01:02:49,248 --> 01:02:51,137 That was actually my dad. 1056 01:02:52,008 --> 01:02:54,170 He was trying to be my wingman. 1057 01:02:54,328 --> 01:02:56,569 Oh, my God. 1058 01:02:57,328 --> 01:02:59,729 He's a really shitty wingman. 1059 01:03:02,888 --> 01:03:05,209 So no guitar tonight? 1060 01:03:05,928 --> 01:03:07,578 It got stolen. 1061 01:03:08,208 --> 01:03:09,698 That sucks. 1062 01:03:10,648 --> 01:03:12,457 I really liked hearing you play. 1063 01:03:13,888 --> 01:03:14,935 You did? 1064 01:03:15,088 --> 01:03:17,740 Yeah, I've always had a thing for musicians. 1065 01:03:20,409 --> 01:03:22,537 Well, good... 1066 01:03:22,689 --> 01:03:25,659 ...because I've always had a thing for... 1067 01:03:26,249 --> 01:03:27,774 ...pretty girls. 1068 01:03:30,529 --> 01:03:31,974 Well played. 1069 01:03:34,289 --> 01:03:36,496 See? You don't need a wingman. 1070 01:03:45,089 --> 01:03:46,454 Here it is. 1071 01:03:46,809 --> 01:03:48,573 Oh, my God. This is so illegal. 1072 01:03:48,729 --> 01:03:51,539 - I know, it's so hot, right? - Yeah. 1073 01:03:51,689 --> 01:03:53,134 I am hard as a faucet right now. 1074 01:03:54,809 --> 01:03:57,699 - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - Oh. No. I like it. 1075 01:03:57,849 --> 01:03:58,896 - Yeah? - Yeah. 1076 01:03:59,049 --> 01:04:00,096 - Yeah? - I do. 1077 01:04:00,289 --> 01:04:02,690 - You like it when I slap that ass? - I do, I do, heh. 1078 01:04:02,849 --> 01:04:06,137 - Good. I'm gonna beat the shit out of your ass. - Whoa, Russ. 1079 01:04:06,289 --> 01:04:08,178 Okay, right here? 1080 01:04:13,489 --> 01:04:16,254 - We're about to have sex outside. - I know. Heh, I know. 1081 01:04:16,409 --> 01:04:18,980 - Do you want me to put a finger in? - In what? 1082 01:04:19,129 --> 01:04:20,255 - Never mind. - Okay, okay. 1083 01:04:20,809 --> 01:04:22,140 Y'all wanna keep it down? 1084 01:04:22,289 --> 01:04:24,895 - Yeah! Yeah! - Hey, watch it, man! 1085 01:04:25,049 --> 01:04:27,529 - Get your leg off me! - You're so slippery and sweaty! 1086 01:04:27,689 --> 01:04:30,772 If you're here to have sex on the Corners, we're next. Get in line. 1087 01:04:31,009 --> 01:04:32,454 - Oh, my gosh. - Oh, God. 1088 01:04:36,809 --> 01:04:38,459 Oh, God! 1089 01:04:39,169 --> 01:04:40,978 Oh, God! They're in every state! 1090 01:04:41,129 --> 01:04:42,540 So many boobies out here! 1091 01:04:42,689 --> 01:04:44,179 You two! Freeze! 1092 01:04:44,329 --> 01:04:45,535 Go, go, go! 1093 01:04:45,689 --> 01:04:46,736 Hands up! 1094 01:04:46,889 --> 01:04:48,732 - Run! Honey, run! - Get your shoe! 1095 01:04:48,889 --> 01:04:51,210 Drop the flashlight! 1096 01:04:51,369 --> 01:04:55,294 You do know public indecency is a crime in the state of Utah? 1097 01:04:55,449 --> 01:04:56,496 Yes. Sorry, officer. 1098 01:04:56,649 --> 01:04:59,778 - See, we're married, and we wanted to just... - Save it for the judge. 1099 01:04:59,929 --> 01:05:04,173 It makes me sick how you deviants show up and desecrate this holy place every night. 1100 01:05:04,329 --> 01:05:06,775 - Turn around. Hands behind your back. - What? 1101 01:05:06,929 --> 01:05:08,579 Not so fast, Tommy. 1102 01:05:08,729 --> 01:05:11,209 Shoot for sherbet. What are you doing here, Kyle? 1103 01:05:11,369 --> 01:05:14,976 These people are clearly in the state of Colorado. That's my jurisdiction. 1104 01:05:15,129 --> 01:05:16,938 Juris-dick in my ass, Kyle. 1105 01:05:17,129 --> 01:05:19,814 Look at her left foot. Smack-dab in Arizona. 1106 01:05:19,969 --> 01:05:22,859 You weed-legalizing, Mile-High piece of shit. 1107 01:05:23,009 --> 01:05:26,058 - Hey, there's no reason for that language. - Sorry, Officer Mormon. 1108 01:05:26,249 --> 01:05:27,694 You don't like that? I have an idea. 1109 01:05:27,889 --> 01:05:30,256 Why don't you plug up your ears with Mitt Romney's dick? 1110 01:05:30,449 --> 01:05:31,655 - Ha, ha. - Hey. 1111 01:05:31,849 --> 01:05:35,137 Oh, looks like New Mexico decided to wake up from his siesta. 1112 01:05:35,289 --> 01:05:38,293 - What's the trouble? - Tell you what the trouble is, dreamcatcher. 1113 01:05:38,449 --> 01:05:40,850 You are wearing entirely too much goddamn turquoise. 1114 01:05:41,009 --> 01:05:42,374 Hey, we can do this without... 1115 01:05:42,529 --> 01:05:46,055 - ...disrespecting each other's traditions. - Oh, go fuck your wives, Tommy. 1116 01:05:46,208 --> 01:05:48,654 This is what I'm telling you. Every night we do this. 1117 01:05:48,808 --> 01:05:52,699 You know what this border represents? It's just an idea. That's all I'm saying. 1118 01:05:52,848 --> 01:05:56,614 - If it's just an idea, then I'll just get the perp... - Ah! My house! 1119 01:05:56,768 --> 01:05:58,054 - Hey! - Stay out of my state. 1120 01:05:58,208 --> 01:06:00,939 - What are you gonna do now? - Get your feet off of my state! 1121 01:06:01,088 --> 01:06:02,419 You wanna stomp on my foot?! 1122 01:06:02,568 --> 01:06:04,138 - You back... - Is that what you want? 1123 01:06:04,328 --> 01:06:05,773 Hey, I wasn't even in it! 1124 01:06:05,928 --> 01:06:08,454 Don't you kick in here! Don't start... 1125 01:06:08,608 --> 01:06:09,814 How about this, then, huh? 1126 01:06:11,048 --> 01:06:13,096 - We got a live weapon! - Oh, shit! Oh, shit! 1127 01:06:13,248 --> 01:06:15,694 - Think I'm afraid of that? - I'm not afraid of you. 1128 01:06:15,848 --> 01:06:18,328 - How about that, huh? - Oh, yeah, like I'm afraid? 1129 01:06:21,208 --> 01:06:23,973 - Are we...? I don't want it in my mouth. - Let's not do that. 1130 01:06:24,128 --> 01:06:27,177 - I'll take that all in, dude. - That's enough! Everyone get down! 1131 01:06:27,328 --> 01:06:30,730 - Get down on the ground! Get down! - Get down! Get down on the ground! 1132 01:06:30,888 --> 01:06:33,334 I'm cooperating! I'm the one who's cooperating! 1133 01:06:33,528 --> 01:06:36,338 - You get down too. You get down too. - Get down on the ground! 1134 01:06:36,528 --> 01:06:37,893 - Hands where? - Your right side. 1135 01:06:38,048 --> 01:06:39,459 - Sides or front? - Side to side. 1136 01:06:39,608 --> 01:06:41,053 - Let's do this. - Everyone down? 1137 01:06:41,208 --> 01:06:43,449 - Okay. - I think I'm done. 1138 01:06:48,288 --> 01:06:50,859 You can really see all the stars out here. 1139 01:06:51,808 --> 01:06:52,889 Yeah. 1140 01:06:55,408 --> 01:06:58,252 So, what do you feel like doing? 1141 01:06:58,448 --> 01:07:00,974 Heh. I don't know. 1142 01:07:08,448 --> 01:07:10,450 Can I give you a rim job? 1143 01:07:12,928 --> 01:07:14,737 - Whoa. - No. 1144 01:07:15,808 --> 01:07:17,048 - What? - I don't know. 1145 01:07:17,208 --> 01:07:19,688 - What's wrong with you? - I don't know. I'm sorry. 1146 01:07:19,888 --> 01:07:21,538 What did you wanna do? 1147 01:07:21,688 --> 01:07:25,056 I don't know. I thought maybe we could... 1148 01:07:25,208 --> 01:07:26,369 ...kiss or something? 1149 01:07:26,528 --> 01:07:28,576 Well, yeah, that's what I thought I... 1150 01:07:28,728 --> 01:07:30,571 Yeah. Okay. 1151 01:07:34,688 --> 01:07:35,894 Ow. 1152 01:07:36,128 --> 01:07:37,857 Where's Mom and Dad, dork? 1153 01:07:38,048 --> 01:07:40,050 I don't know. Just go back inside the thing. 1154 01:07:40,208 --> 01:07:42,210 You were about to let that dingus kiss you? 1155 01:07:42,368 --> 01:07:44,018 Shut up, Kevin. 1156 01:07:44,168 --> 01:07:46,819 - Who is that? - My stupid little brother. 1157 01:07:46,968 --> 01:07:49,335 I thought you said he was your big brother. 1158 01:07:49,488 --> 01:07:51,650 - I... Damn it! - Dingus. 1159 01:07:51,808 --> 01:07:54,857 - Why do you take that from him? - Am I supposed to hit him back? 1160 01:07:55,008 --> 01:07:56,851 - He's a little kid. - He's a little shit. 1161 01:07:57,008 --> 01:08:01,855 - You don't have to let him push you around. - I kind of thought I was taking the high road. 1162 01:08:02,008 --> 01:08:05,376 Yeah, that seems to be working out for you. 1163 01:08:06,488 --> 01:08:07,728 You know what? 1164 01:08:10,848 --> 01:08:12,338 Fuck it. 1165 01:08:13,968 --> 01:08:16,255 Okay, so you wanna do this now? 1166 01:08:16,408 --> 01:08:18,331 Bring it, bitch. 1167 01:08:20,168 --> 01:08:21,215 Wait, what? 1168 01:08:21,368 --> 01:08:22,574 No, no, no. 1169 01:08:23,288 --> 01:08:26,929 Wow, this is so easy. You are such a little boy. 1170 01:08:28,368 --> 01:08:31,292 Unh! There's gonna be a few changes, all right? No more bullying. 1171 01:08:31,448 --> 01:08:33,815 - Stop it. I'm telling Mom. - Shut your mouth. 1172 01:08:33,968 --> 01:08:35,129 You gonna stop bullying? 1173 01:08:35,288 --> 01:08:36,858 You're hurting my tummy. 1174 01:08:37,008 --> 01:08:39,295 Say you're gonna stop, you little piece of... 1175 01:08:39,528 --> 01:08:41,496 - ...ass. - Wait, what? 1176 01:08:41,648 --> 01:08:43,537 - "Piece of ass"? - You know what I mean. 1177 01:08:44,128 --> 01:08:46,256 What are you doing to my face? 1178 01:08:46,448 --> 01:08:47,813 - This hurts, doesn't it? - Dude. 1179 01:08:47,967 --> 01:08:51,414 - How do you like your ears getting messed up? - It's really not that bad. 1180 01:08:51,567 --> 01:08:54,650 - I'll tap you on the forehead. - That's not how you beat someone up. 1181 01:08:54,807 --> 01:08:56,332 Very dehumanizing. 1182 01:08:56,487 --> 01:08:58,330 Your forehead's gonna be so sore. 1183 01:08:58,487 --> 01:09:00,377 Stop it! What are you doing?! 1184 01:09:00,528 --> 01:09:03,975 - How do you like your lips getting tickled? - This is really weird. 1185 01:09:04,128 --> 01:09:05,857 Just smush your cheeks. 1186 01:09:06,008 --> 01:09:09,899 - You gonna stop bullying? - Fine, I'll stop bullying. Just stop doing this. 1187 01:09:12,288 --> 01:09:13,414 Thank you, Adena. 1188 01:09:13,568 --> 01:09:14,854 This has been... 1189 01:09:15,128 --> 01:09:16,892 ...the best night of my life. 1190 01:09:22,688 --> 01:09:24,577 Weird fucking family. 1191 01:09:26,568 --> 01:09:28,332 Well, that was awful. 1192 01:09:31,608 --> 01:09:33,576 At least the kids never woke up. 1193 01:09:42,888 --> 01:09:45,698 Passengers on the left side of the Prancer will notice... 1194 01:09:45,888 --> 01:09:48,095 ...the Grand Canyon out the window. 1195 01:09:48,248 --> 01:09:51,377 That's right. Last stop before Walley World. 1196 01:10:03,488 --> 01:10:04,535 So, guys... 1197 01:10:04,688 --> 01:10:07,851 ...when we visited the Grand Canyon when I was a kid... 1198 01:10:08,008 --> 01:10:10,090 ...we barely had a chance to look at it. 1199 01:10:10,248 --> 01:10:12,012 This time... 1200 01:10:12,168 --> 01:10:14,569 ...we're gonna do a whole lot more than look. 1201 01:10:15,248 --> 01:10:17,649 - Oh, cool. - Sweet. 1202 01:10:23,128 --> 01:10:24,857 Hi, folks! Hi! 1203 01:10:25,048 --> 01:10:26,971 All right, let's see, who do we got here? 1204 01:10:27,128 --> 01:10:28,539 You must be... 1205 01:10:28,688 --> 01:10:30,338 ...the Fung family. 1206 01:10:30,528 --> 01:10:31,689 Huh? 1207 01:10:32,808 --> 01:10:34,890 I'm just messing! You're the Griswolds, right? 1208 01:10:35,048 --> 01:10:36,334 Yes, that's right. 1209 01:10:36,488 --> 01:10:40,379 Heh, right. The little guy's face was like, "Fungs?" 1210 01:10:42,328 --> 01:10:44,649 Anyway, I'm Chad. I'm gonna be your guide. 1211 01:10:44,808 --> 01:10:47,539 - Okay. Hi, Chad. - You couldn't have come on a better day. 1212 01:10:47,688 --> 01:10:48,928 I'll get you all geared up. 1213 01:10:49,088 --> 01:10:51,250 And, guess what, the river's running way high... 1214 01:10:51,448 --> 01:10:53,974 ...so I think we're in for a pretty sweet ride, guys. 1215 01:10:54,128 --> 01:10:55,653 - Let's roll. - All right. 1216 01:10:55,808 --> 01:10:57,378 Let's do this. 1217 01:10:57,568 --> 01:11:00,538 Okay, gang, joke time is over. Let's get serious for a second. 1218 01:11:00,688 --> 01:11:03,419 Go over a couple safety procedures before we hit the water. 1219 01:11:03,568 --> 01:11:07,698 First off, do any of you know this river? Because this is actually my first time. 1220 01:11:09,288 --> 01:11:11,336 I'm kidding, ha, ha. 1221 01:11:11,528 --> 01:11:15,010 Been doing this about three and a half years. Know the river inside and out. 1222 01:11:15,168 --> 01:11:17,535 Got my guide certificate from a Cracker Jack box. 1223 01:11:19,048 --> 01:11:21,528 Guys, it's a joke. See the little kid's face? He's all: 1224 01:11:21,728 --> 01:11:23,730 "A Cracker Jack box? A what?!" 1225 01:11:26,008 --> 01:11:28,090 All you gotta do is follow my instructions... 1226 01:11:28,248 --> 01:11:30,854 ...and we got a 50-50 chance of coming back alive. 1227 01:11:32,768 --> 01:11:35,294 I'm kidding, guys. See the little kid's face, he's all: 1228 01:11:35,448 --> 01:11:38,338 "I'm coming back alive! I don't wanna die!" 1229 01:11:39,688 --> 01:11:42,248 Sorry, hang on a second. I'm getting a call from my fiancée here. 1230 01:11:42,288 --> 01:11:45,292 Just got engaged two weeks ago, so I think I'm gonna take this... 1231 01:11:45,448 --> 01:11:48,497 ...or the river's not gonna be the only hot water I'm in today. 1232 01:11:49,088 --> 01:11:50,613 River's actually very cold. 1233 01:11:50,768 --> 01:11:51,814 Hey, boo. 1234 01:11:52,887 --> 01:11:54,537 - Wow, this is awesome. - Ah. 1235 01:11:54,687 --> 01:11:58,658 We're about to set sail through one of America's greatest aquatic treasures. 1236 01:11:58,847 --> 01:12:01,134 - Kevin, don't hit your brother. - I didn't. 1237 01:12:02,727 --> 01:12:05,458 You heard what he said about the "aquatic treasures," right? 1238 01:12:05,647 --> 01:12:07,854 - Yeah. - And you didn't wanna hit him? 1239 01:12:10,207 --> 01:12:11,811 - Well, that's progress. - Wow. 1240 01:12:11,967 --> 01:12:14,891 I don't understand, though. Like, what are you even saying? 1241 01:12:15,127 --> 01:12:17,016 But just like that? 1242 01:12:17,167 --> 01:12:19,534 I love you. You love me. 1243 01:12:19,687 --> 01:12:22,975 Tanya, please. Please, just let's think about this for a second, honey. 1244 01:12:23,167 --> 01:12:26,376 You're all that I have in this world. Tanya, no, babe. 1245 01:12:26,527 --> 01:12:30,168 No, Tanya, no. Please, don't hang up. No, no! Goddamn it! 1246 01:12:50,487 --> 01:12:52,489 Who's ready to go on the river? 1247 01:12:52,687 --> 01:12:55,418 Um, are you okay, Chad? 1248 01:12:55,567 --> 01:12:56,932 Oh, yeah. 1249 01:12:57,087 --> 01:12:59,374 Turns out I'm not engaged anymore. 1250 01:12:59,527 --> 01:13:00,608 So... 1251 01:13:02,647 --> 01:13:03,933 All aboard. 1252 01:13:05,607 --> 01:13:07,097 I don't know about this, Russ. 1253 01:13:07,687 --> 01:13:09,177 Oh, come on. 1254 01:13:09,447 --> 01:13:10,687 He's kidding. 1255 01:14:03,607 --> 01:14:06,929 <i>Get it together!</i> 1256 01:14:23,447 --> 01:14:24,687 <i>Oh, shit.</i> 1257 01:14:26,487 --> 01:14:28,376 <i>Everybody out of the boat.</i> 1258 01:14:49,888 --> 01:14:51,458 Can we go home now? 1259 01:14:51,648 --> 01:14:52,695 What? 1260 01:14:52,888 --> 01:14:54,696 We're a day away from Walley World. 1261 01:14:54,847 --> 01:14:57,771 Dad, I don't think any of us really care about Walley World. 1262 01:14:57,927 --> 01:15:00,851 The boys are right, Russ. I mean, we almost died back there. 1263 01:15:01,007 --> 01:15:03,408 I mean, isn't it time that we just cut our losses? 1264 01:15:03,887 --> 01:15:06,493 I cannot believe what I'm hearing. 1265 01:15:06,847 --> 01:15:08,178 Oh, my God. 1266 01:15:09,807 --> 01:15:13,857 Huh! All right, that has to be a sign, right? We were meant to finish this trip. 1267 01:15:14,047 --> 01:15:16,209 Come on, guys, everybody sing it with me. 1268 01:15:16,367 --> 01:15:22,409 <i>There used to be a graying tower Alone on the sea</i> 1269 01:15:23,967 --> 01:15:25,128 We're losing the station. 1270 01:15:25,287 --> 01:15:26,857 - We're not losing anything. - Yes... 1271 01:15:27,007 --> 01:15:28,850 We just have to listen a little harder! 1272 01:15:29,327 --> 01:15:32,729 <i>Love remained A drug...</i> 1273 01:15:32,887 --> 01:15:34,696 Okay, no, no, no. It's gone. It's gone. 1274 01:15:34,847 --> 01:15:36,133 - Just let it go. - Fine. 1275 01:15:36,287 --> 01:15:39,689 Just thought we could all sing Seal together like normal families do. 1276 01:15:41,127 --> 01:15:42,891 - Oh, crap. - Now what? 1277 01:15:43,047 --> 01:15:46,096 - We're almost out of gas. - Oh, my God. 1278 01:15:46,287 --> 01:15:47,334 It's all right. 1279 01:15:47,487 --> 01:15:51,287 I'm sure we will find a place to fill up around here before we run out. 1280 01:15:53,247 --> 01:15:54,328 Man. 1281 01:15:54,927 --> 01:15:56,497 No signal at all. 1282 01:15:58,687 --> 01:16:01,008 Wonder if the Prancer has roadside assistance. 1283 01:16:01,207 --> 01:16:04,973 - How would we even call them? - Maybe it's one of the buttons on the fob. 1284 01:16:05,127 --> 01:16:07,334 Seriously? You're gonna keep pressing buttons? 1285 01:16:07,487 --> 01:16:10,457 - Well, we never tried the top hat. - Oh, jeez. 1286 01:16:11,487 --> 01:16:12,648 Oh, my God! 1287 01:16:14,207 --> 01:16:16,414 Well, now we know what the top hat does. 1288 01:16:17,327 --> 01:16:20,888 I'm not gonna do the swastika. All that's left is the muffin. 1289 01:16:23,407 --> 01:16:24,738 Come on, muffin. 1290 01:16:27,407 --> 01:16:28,647 - What? - It started. 1291 01:16:28,767 --> 01:16:30,212 - Yes. - All right. 1292 01:16:30,367 --> 01:16:32,654 Oh, must be the extra gas tank. 1293 01:16:32,807 --> 01:16:33,854 - Right? - The muffin. 1294 01:16:34,007 --> 01:16:35,611 Dad to the rescue. 1295 01:16:35,767 --> 01:16:37,417 Thank God. Wait, where's it going? 1296 01:16:37,567 --> 01:16:38,728 Wait! Wait a minute! 1297 01:16:40,287 --> 01:16:41,647 - Make it stop! - I don't know how! 1298 01:16:41,727 --> 01:16:43,138 I'll hit the muffin again! 1299 01:17:03,807 --> 01:17:07,050 - All right, we can handle this. - Oh, no, no, no. Please, don't say that. 1300 01:17:07,207 --> 01:17:10,529 Do not say that we can handle this, Russ. Okay? 1301 01:17:10,687 --> 01:17:12,212 - We can. - No, we can't! 1302 01:17:12,367 --> 01:17:13,653 We can't! 1303 01:17:13,807 --> 01:17:16,890 From the moment we left for this trip, nothing has gone right. 1304 01:17:17,087 --> 01:17:19,658 Can you please just admit that this was a mistake? 1305 01:17:21,287 --> 01:17:23,767 But it wasn't. Right? We all wanted to go. 1306 01:17:23,967 --> 01:17:25,128 - I didn't. - Me neither. 1307 01:17:25,287 --> 01:17:26,334 Me neither. 1308 01:17:26,487 --> 01:17:27,568 You wanted to go. 1309 01:17:27,727 --> 01:17:31,777 All right, I think tempers are getting a little hot right now. We just have to, uh... 1310 01:17:33,487 --> 01:17:34,932 We just all have to... 1311 01:17:37,367 --> 01:17:38,812 Fuck me! 1312 01:17:39,207 --> 01:17:40,413 I give up! 1313 01:17:40,607 --> 01:17:42,769 All I wanted to do was take my fucking family... 1314 01:17:42,927 --> 01:17:45,771 ...on a fucking trip to Walley World, and ride the fucking Velociraptor! 1315 01:17:45,967 --> 01:17:48,732 Ow. There's a rock in that. 1316 01:17:50,887 --> 01:17:54,096 I guess I'm the asshole for trying to bring my family closer together. 1317 01:17:54,287 --> 01:17:57,813 What do I get? Kids who don't wanna be with me, and a wife who's miserable. 1318 01:17:57,966 --> 01:17:59,570 - Russ... - Oh, come on, Debbie. 1319 01:17:59,726 --> 01:18:04,175 You know it's true. You think you settled for me. You think I'm a loser regional pilot. 1320 01:18:04,326 --> 01:18:05,612 Well, guess what. 1321 01:18:05,766 --> 01:18:08,417 I get offers from international carriers all the time... 1322 01:18:08,646 --> 01:18:10,648 ...and I turn them down. Why? 1323 01:18:10,846 --> 01:18:13,531 I don't wanna be away from you and the kids that long. 1324 01:18:13,726 --> 01:18:15,057 I'm an idiot. 1325 01:18:15,206 --> 01:18:19,495 I should take one of those jobs and fly off to the Pyramids of Zambezi... 1326 01:18:19,686 --> 01:18:22,087 ...and the Lost Gardens of... 1327 01:18:22,246 --> 01:18:23,532 ...wherever the fuck! 1328 01:18:24,166 --> 01:18:25,452 Just forget it. 1329 01:18:25,606 --> 01:18:27,893 Forget this whole stupid trip. 1330 01:18:28,806 --> 01:18:30,410 You people are on your own. 1331 01:18:30,566 --> 01:18:32,807 I'm sure you'll find a better husband and father. 1332 01:18:32,966 --> 01:18:35,731 A cowboy with a huge six-pack... 1333 01:18:35,886 --> 01:18:37,888 ...who will take you to Paris... 1334 01:18:38,046 --> 01:18:39,536 ...and wrestling... 1335 01:18:40,406 --> 01:18:41,851 ...and books. 1336 01:18:42,046 --> 01:18:43,127 What...? 1337 01:18:43,646 --> 01:18:44,977 Wait, where are you going? 1338 01:18:45,166 --> 01:18:46,816 Fuck if I know! 1339 01:18:47,286 --> 01:18:49,687 Ow. God! 1340 01:18:50,046 --> 01:18:53,175 These tumbleweeds are all filled with things that are hard! 1341 01:19:01,406 --> 01:19:02,453 What the...? 1342 01:19:09,926 --> 01:19:11,496 Oh, no. 1343 01:19:13,366 --> 01:19:14,527 Help. 1344 01:19:14,886 --> 01:19:16,126 Help. 1345 01:19:16,846 --> 01:19:18,086 Help! 1346 01:19:18,366 --> 01:19:19,856 Help! 1347 01:19:20,286 --> 01:19:21,333 Stop! 1348 01:19:21,486 --> 01:19:22,976 Come on. Go, go, go. 1349 01:19:23,646 --> 01:19:25,011 Help! 1350 01:19:27,246 --> 01:19:28,293 No! 1351 01:19:30,126 --> 01:19:31,537 Help! 1352 01:19:43,006 --> 01:19:44,417 - Don't you kill him! - Dad! 1353 01:19:44,606 --> 01:19:46,017 I'm so sorry. 1354 01:19:46,166 --> 01:19:48,612 When I called you a pedophile, I was... 1355 01:19:48,766 --> 01:19:49,813 No! No, no, no! 1356 01:19:49,966 --> 01:19:52,776 No! Not in front of my family! 1357 01:19:54,006 --> 01:19:56,486 Your wife left this in a truck stop in Missouri. 1358 01:19:56,886 --> 01:19:58,490 Thought you might want it back. 1359 01:19:59,286 --> 01:20:00,811 Oh, my God. 1360 01:20:01,086 --> 01:20:02,531 Wait, wait. 1361 01:20:02,686 --> 01:20:04,256 Is that my ring? 1362 01:20:05,806 --> 01:20:08,457 This man's been trying to return it to us the whole time. 1363 01:20:09,846 --> 01:20:11,974 I don't know how I could ever thank you. 1364 01:20:12,126 --> 01:20:13,616 No thanks necessary. 1365 01:20:13,966 --> 01:20:15,695 It was on my way. 1366 01:20:15,886 --> 01:20:17,012 So you're not a rapist? 1367 01:20:22,206 --> 01:20:24,254 Looks like your car's pretty messed up. 1368 01:20:25,406 --> 01:20:26,568 Where you headed? 1369 01:20:27,567 --> 01:20:28,807 Um... 1370 01:20:30,527 --> 01:20:32,131 Home, I guess. 1371 01:20:32,287 --> 01:20:35,655 Well, I can take you as far as San Francisco. Will that help? 1372 01:20:37,687 --> 01:20:40,531 Yeah. Yeah, that'll work. 1373 01:20:40,967 --> 01:20:42,014 Thank you. 1374 01:20:42,207 --> 01:20:43,413 All right, come on, guys. 1375 01:20:43,567 --> 01:20:44,648 Thank you. 1376 01:20:47,887 --> 01:20:50,254 - He still didn't answer me. - Oh, Kevin. 1377 01:21:06,286 --> 01:21:09,051 Well, thanks for the ride. Really appreciate it. 1378 01:21:09,206 --> 01:21:12,653 You never told us why you keep that teddy bear on the front of your truck. 1379 01:21:12,806 --> 01:21:15,491 - Oh, yeah. - It makes the kids feel more comfortable. 1380 01:21:15,646 --> 01:21:17,171 Oh, yeah? You have kids? 1381 01:21:17,366 --> 01:21:18,572 Nope. 1382 01:21:19,366 --> 01:21:20,856 Right. Take care. 1383 01:21:25,766 --> 01:21:28,770 Well, I guess that's that. 1384 01:21:28,926 --> 01:21:31,691 Yeah. We'll get a flight home tomorrow. 1385 01:21:31,846 --> 01:21:34,452 Do not stay here. Worst bed and breakfast we've been to. 1386 01:21:34,606 --> 01:21:38,372 They ought to shut this place down. The owner is a lunatic. 1387 01:21:38,886 --> 01:21:40,695 You all come back now, you hear? 1388 01:21:42,246 --> 01:21:44,931 Hey, look who made it. 1389 01:21:45,086 --> 01:21:47,487 Ellen! Oh, there you are. They're here. 1390 01:21:47,686 --> 01:21:48,767 Hi, Dad. 1391 01:21:48,926 --> 01:21:50,894 - We were so happy to get that call. - Hi. 1392 01:21:51,046 --> 01:21:52,491 How was your trip? 1393 01:21:52,646 --> 01:21:54,330 - It's a long story. - Give me a hug. 1394 01:21:54,526 --> 01:21:56,608 - Hi, Grandpa. - Oh. Come here, you two. 1395 01:21:56,766 --> 01:21:59,531 Oh, my gosh. You're getting so big. 1396 01:21:59,686 --> 01:22:02,166 - Come on, let's go inside. - Grandpa, you don't have to. 1397 01:22:02,366 --> 01:22:03,811 - No, I can do it. Really. - Russ. 1398 01:22:03,966 --> 01:22:06,287 - Clark. - Oh, no. I got this. 1399 01:22:06,446 --> 01:22:07,686 I'm fine. 1400 01:22:07,926 --> 01:22:09,815 This really hurts. 1401 01:22:09,966 --> 01:22:12,890 Then the muffin made the car explode, but it didn't matter. 1402 01:22:13,086 --> 01:22:15,612 Our luggage and all of our stuff was already stolen... 1403 01:22:15,766 --> 01:22:18,849 - ...by the guy with the rat on his shoulder. - Even took my guitar. 1404 01:22:19,006 --> 01:22:20,815 Oh, James, that's terrible. 1405 01:22:20,966 --> 01:22:23,572 A musician without his instrument is as bad as... 1406 01:22:23,766 --> 01:22:25,609 ...a shoemaker without a toilet seat. 1407 01:22:26,806 --> 01:22:28,649 Ah, I may have something for you. 1408 01:22:40,726 --> 01:22:42,091 It's very fragile. Look. 1409 01:22:42,286 --> 01:22:44,527 - You take care of that. - Wow, Grandpa. 1410 01:22:44,686 --> 01:22:46,290 Thank you so much. 1411 01:22:46,446 --> 01:22:47,936 - Cool. - Yeah. 1412 01:22:48,126 --> 01:22:51,130 Doesn't look like much, but that's a very special guitar. 1413 01:22:51,286 --> 01:22:54,176 - It was given to me by Bob Dillon. - The Bob Dylan? 1414 01:22:54,326 --> 01:22:55,657 No, a Bob Dillon. 1415 01:22:55,806 --> 01:22:57,854 D-I-L-L-O-N. 1416 01:22:58,046 --> 01:22:59,650 - An accountant friend of mine. - Oh. 1417 01:22:59,846 --> 01:23:02,213 But it was given to him by Jimmy Hendricks. 1418 01:23:02,366 --> 01:23:04,573 - The Jimi Hendrix? - No. 1419 01:23:04,886 --> 01:23:07,969 So how's the B-and-B business going? 1420 01:23:08,126 --> 01:23:11,414 Oh, we love it, are you kidding? It's a great fit for us. We love visitors. 1421 01:23:11,606 --> 01:23:14,576 We love having people around to care for. We're people people. 1422 01:23:14,726 --> 01:23:18,094 - Hey, guys. You mind if we join you? - We're occupied right now. Beat it. 1423 01:23:21,046 --> 01:23:23,697 Ah, it's getting late. Go to bed, okay? 1424 01:23:23,846 --> 01:23:25,496 - Okay. - Yeah. I'll run you upstairs. 1425 01:23:25,646 --> 01:23:29,367 - Good night, Grandma and Grandpa. Thank you. - Nighty-night. Sleep tight. 1426 01:23:30,486 --> 01:23:33,251 Ah, well, you've certainly had an adventure. 1427 01:23:33,406 --> 01:23:35,773 Well, yes. "Adventure" is one way to put it. 1428 01:23:37,366 --> 01:23:39,209 - How's Audrey? - Oh, she's great. 1429 01:23:39,686 --> 01:23:42,257 Yeah, she and Stone, they seem to be very happy. 1430 01:23:42,406 --> 01:23:43,817 Key word there is "seem." 1431 01:23:43,966 --> 01:23:46,970 - What do you mean? - Their marriage is a sham. 1432 01:23:47,126 --> 01:23:49,413 - What? - Well, they sleep around on each other. 1433 01:23:49,566 --> 01:23:51,933 - Been doing it for years. - Oh, my gosh. 1434 01:23:52,086 --> 01:23:57,377 I just wish Audrey had found a more solid marriage like you and Rusty. 1435 01:24:11,965 --> 01:24:13,967 Hey, Russ, can we talk? 1436 01:24:15,725 --> 01:24:18,968 I knew we had some problems. Is it this bad? 1437 01:24:20,325 --> 01:24:22,532 Is our marriage dying? 1438 01:24:22,685 --> 01:24:23,971 No. 1439 01:24:24,525 --> 01:24:27,096 No, a marriage only dies when you stop trying. 1440 01:24:27,245 --> 01:24:29,566 And you have never stopped trying. 1441 01:24:30,485 --> 01:24:31,975 I just think... 1442 01:24:32,125 --> 01:24:33,615 ...maybe I did. 1443 01:24:34,125 --> 01:24:35,172 What do you mean? 1444 01:24:36,005 --> 01:24:38,167 I've only been thinking about myself, you know? 1445 01:24:38,325 --> 01:24:41,374 I wanted to change the routine, and go on exotic trips and... 1446 01:24:41,565 --> 01:24:43,932 Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that. 1447 01:24:45,445 --> 01:24:49,814 I was crazy to think I could make us closer by locking us in a car for a week. 1448 01:24:49,965 --> 01:24:51,933 No, but you were doing that for us. 1449 01:24:52,085 --> 01:24:57,535 You have been trying so hard to make this trip memorable for me and the kids... 1450 01:24:57,685 --> 01:25:00,256 - ...and I didn't appreciate that. - But why would you? 1451 01:25:00,405 --> 01:25:03,568 I mean, I've put you through some serious shit. 1452 01:25:03,725 --> 01:25:06,376 Literally, a pool of shit in Arkansas. 1453 01:25:09,365 --> 01:25:11,288 You deserve better. 1454 01:25:12,245 --> 01:25:14,327 What, better than you? 1455 01:25:14,685 --> 01:25:19,088 How many men would sacrifice their careers for their family like you have? 1456 01:25:19,405 --> 01:25:21,692 Oh, I didn't sacrifice anything. 1457 01:25:22,125 --> 01:25:24,332 I have everything I've ever wanted. 1458 01:25:36,845 --> 01:25:38,893 - Debbie. - Yeah? 1459 01:25:39,085 --> 01:25:41,975 Will you continue to be my wife? 1460 01:25:42,125 --> 01:25:44,093 I wondered when you'd give that back to me. 1461 01:25:44,245 --> 01:25:46,407 I was wondering if you still wanted it. 1462 01:25:46,565 --> 01:25:47,726 I do. 1463 01:25:55,725 --> 01:25:56,772 Wait a minute. 1464 01:25:56,925 --> 01:25:58,051 Are we gonna do this? 1465 01:25:58,205 --> 01:26:00,572 Oh, yeah. I'm gonna pound the shit out of you. 1466 01:26:00,725 --> 01:26:01,886 - Russ. - What? 1467 01:26:02,045 --> 01:26:03,490 Lock the door. 1468 01:26:03,645 --> 01:26:06,489 I'm gonna lock the shit out of that door. 1469 01:26:09,766 --> 01:26:12,246 - Hey, Dad. - Morning, Rusty. 1470 01:26:12,406 --> 01:26:16,616 Could you drive us to the airport this afternoon? There's a flight back to Chicago at 4. 1471 01:26:16,766 --> 01:26:18,177 Chicago? 1472 01:26:18,326 --> 01:26:20,055 What about Walley World? 1473 01:26:20,206 --> 01:26:23,574 Oh, no. We've, uh, had enough. 1474 01:26:23,726 --> 01:26:27,526 - This trip's been a nightmare. - Well, that's what family vacations are. 1475 01:26:27,686 --> 01:26:30,087 - But you can't give up, Russ. - Well, why not? 1476 01:26:30,246 --> 01:26:35,286 I mean, they always say "it's not the destination, it's the journey," right? 1477 01:26:35,446 --> 01:26:36,686 The journey sucks. 1478 01:26:36,846 --> 01:26:39,417 That's what makes you appreciate the destination. 1479 01:26:39,606 --> 01:26:41,973 You had a dream to take your family to Walley World. 1480 01:26:42,126 --> 01:26:44,254 Never let that go. 1481 01:26:44,406 --> 01:26:45,931 I know I didn't. 1482 01:26:50,206 --> 01:26:53,016 How would we even get to Walley World? We don't have a car. 1483 01:26:53,166 --> 01:26:54,611 Hey, come on. 1484 01:26:56,286 --> 01:26:57,811 You leave that to me. 1485 01:27:08,885 --> 01:27:10,569 Oops, wrong door. 1486 01:27:25,645 --> 01:27:27,647 Could I, uh, take the Nissan? 1487 01:27:27,805 --> 01:27:30,376 Ha, ha. No, no. 1488 01:27:41,925 --> 01:27:44,246 Wait, Dad, I thought we were going to the airport. 1489 01:27:44,405 --> 01:27:47,136 Boys, when your father makes you a promise, he keeps it. 1490 01:27:47,285 --> 01:27:49,333 - That's not right. - This sucks. 1491 01:28:09,445 --> 01:28:12,767 - Wow, this place is huge. - Ha, ha. 1492 01:28:12,925 --> 01:28:14,609 This is dope as fuck. 1493 01:28:14,765 --> 01:28:15,926 Kevin. 1494 01:28:16,685 --> 01:28:18,687 Told you you guys would love it, right? 1495 01:28:19,205 --> 01:28:20,411 Hey, Dad. 1496 01:28:21,765 --> 01:28:24,416 - It really is dope as fuck. - I know, right? 1497 01:28:24,565 --> 01:28:25,726 - Guys! - Oh, wait! 1498 01:28:31,005 --> 01:28:32,336 There she is. 1499 01:28:32,485 --> 01:28:34,135 The Velociraptor. 1500 01:28:34,765 --> 01:28:37,575 - I can't believe we actually made it. - Heh, I know. 1501 01:28:39,125 --> 01:28:41,526 - You guys ready for the ride of your life? - Oh, yeah. 1502 01:28:41,725 --> 01:28:44,012 - If I'm being honest, it looks a little daunting. - Ah! 1503 01:28:44,165 --> 01:28:46,691 - Come on. Race you to the ride. - Yeah, go, go! Faster! 1504 01:28:46,845 --> 01:28:48,085 Come on! 1505 01:29:01,685 --> 01:29:03,687 Two more hours, guys. 1506 01:29:08,245 --> 01:29:10,373 Oh, my gosh. 1507 01:29:10,525 --> 01:29:13,005 - All right, guys. Get psyched. - Yes. 1508 01:29:13,165 --> 01:29:15,611 This is it. This is why we came all this way. 1509 01:29:20,085 --> 01:29:21,655 Excuse us. 1510 01:29:23,005 --> 01:29:25,736 - What was that? - Last ride tonight. Park's closing. 1511 01:29:25,885 --> 01:29:27,296 - No, we were next. - What? 1512 01:29:29,245 --> 01:29:31,486 - That's not okay. - Should be a misunderstanding. 1513 01:29:31,765 --> 01:29:33,290 Hey, excuse me. 1514 01:29:33,485 --> 01:29:35,169 You just cut in front of us. 1515 01:29:35,685 --> 01:29:38,894 No, see, we bought the Platinum Pass so we get to skip the lines. 1516 01:29:39,045 --> 01:29:40,456 Fifth time today on this one. 1517 01:29:40,605 --> 01:29:45,486 Right, well, we just drove 2500 miles to ride this ride... 1518 01:29:45,925 --> 01:29:47,734 ...so you can't just take our spot. 1519 01:29:48,285 --> 01:29:49,810 Wait a minute, you... 1520 01:29:50,165 --> 01:29:51,291 Econo Air. 1521 01:29:51,445 --> 01:29:52,606 Yeah? 1522 01:29:53,125 --> 01:29:55,651 Good to see you. All right, I'll tell you what. 1523 01:29:55,805 --> 01:29:59,332 Why don't you and your family go fuck yourselves? 1524 01:30:04,605 --> 01:30:05,766 I'm sorry, guys. 1525 01:30:08,285 --> 01:30:09,446 Oh, my God! 1526 01:30:12,004 --> 01:30:13,130 Okay. 1527 01:30:13,524 --> 01:30:14,889 You're a dead man. 1528 01:30:23,644 --> 01:30:25,806 - Get off! - Oh, it's on. 1529 01:30:25,964 --> 01:30:27,011 Kevin, no! 1530 01:30:30,644 --> 01:30:32,055 No, you're not gonna fight. 1531 01:30:32,204 --> 01:30:34,969 - I'm not gonna stand here like a little bitch. - What? 1532 01:30:35,484 --> 01:30:36,565 Oh, shit. 1533 01:31:10,884 --> 01:31:13,728 No, Kevin. Kevin, no. Kevin, come on. 1534 01:31:16,244 --> 01:31:18,406 You people are fucking crazy. 1535 01:31:18,564 --> 01:31:21,454 - What kind of a family are you? - We're the Griswolds. 1536 01:31:21,604 --> 01:31:23,129 See you around... 1537 01:31:23,284 --> 01:31:25,127 ...you piece of ass. 1538 01:31:26,564 --> 01:31:27,975 - Let's do this. - All right. 1539 01:31:28,124 --> 01:31:31,810 - I haven't been in a fight like that for years. - First car, all right. 1540 01:31:32,604 --> 01:31:34,971 Man, our family fucked that family up. 1541 01:31:35,124 --> 01:31:37,889 - We did. - Did you see how I scratched that girl's arm? 1542 01:31:38,044 --> 01:31:40,570 Oh, I saw it, honey. You gave her a good scratch. 1543 01:31:40,724 --> 01:31:43,011 My fingers still hurt a little, but I'll be okay. 1544 01:31:43,164 --> 01:31:44,211 Oh, boy. Here we go. 1545 01:31:44,404 --> 01:31:46,406 - Hold on. - Oh, gosh! 1546 01:32:13,205 --> 01:32:18,086 <i>There used to be a graying tower Alone on the sea.</i> 1547 01:32:19,325 --> 01:32:26,049 <i>You became The light on the dark side of me</i> 1548 01:32:26,205 --> 01:32:32,611 <i>Love remained A drug that's the high and not the pill</i> 1549 01:32:32,765 --> 01:32:35,416 <i>But did you know That when it snows</i> 1550 01:32:35,565 --> 01:32:41,413 <i>My eyes become large And the light that you shine can be seen?</i> 1551 01:33:07,165 --> 01:33:09,247 - Russ? - Yeah? 1552 01:33:09,405 --> 01:33:12,295 Is it supposed to stay upside-down like this? 1553 01:33:12,445 --> 01:33:14,173 Yeah, I don't think so. 1554 01:33:14,364 --> 01:33:15,445 Oh. 1555 01:33:15,644 --> 01:33:17,533 Dad, are we stuck? 1556 01:33:17,804 --> 01:33:19,454 Looks that way, pal. 1557 01:33:20,484 --> 01:33:22,646 My eyes, they're starting to bulge. 1558 01:33:22,804 --> 01:33:24,727 I'm sure they'll have us down any minute. 1559 01:33:30,564 --> 01:33:34,125 Well, guys, what'd you think of Walley World? 1560 01:33:36,804 --> 01:33:37,930 Yeah. 1561 01:33:39,524 --> 01:33:43,654 Listen, boys, I can't tell you how much it's meant to me to spend all this time with you. 1562 01:33:44,124 --> 01:33:46,252 I love you more than anything in the world. 1563 01:33:46,444 --> 01:33:49,607 And if I could, I'd spend every single day with you. 1564 01:33:50,644 --> 01:33:52,248 So we'll see you in a week. 1565 01:33:53,204 --> 01:33:56,174 - Wait, what's going on? - Petersons will pick you up at O'Hare... 1566 01:33:56,324 --> 01:33:59,214 - ...and you'll stay with them. - Where are we going? 1567 01:33:59,404 --> 01:34:02,374 Someplace I should've taken you a long time ago. 1568 01:34:02,524 --> 01:34:04,811 How did you get free tickets to Paris? 1569 01:34:05,004 --> 01:34:06,813 I used my connections as a pilot. 1570 01:34:07,004 --> 01:34:09,291 Oh, you're amazing, heh. 1571 01:34:09,964 --> 01:34:13,935 Well, you are my queen, and you deserve to be treated like one. 1572 01:34:19,364 --> 01:34:22,573 I know it's not exactly first-class... 1573 01:34:22,964 --> 01:34:25,251 - ...or coach... - Honey... 1574 01:34:25,484 --> 01:34:28,090 - ...it's perfect. - Yeah? 1575 01:34:38,404 --> 01:34:39,485 So... 1576 01:34:39,884 --> 01:34:41,124 ...how long is the flight? 1577 01:34:41,284 --> 01:34:42,615 Twelve hours. 1578 01:34:44,084 --> 01:34:45,415 Perfect. 1578 01:34:46,305 --> 01:35:46,592