"It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" Thought Leadership: A Corporate Conversation

1 00:00:07,809 --> 00:00:10,444 <i>Just have a seat right there.</i> <i>Would you like a drink or...</i> 2 00:00:10,477 --> 00:00:11,713 - <i>No.</i> <i>- No?</i> 3 00:00:11,746 --> 00:00:13,548 <i>How about</i> <i>a fresh glass of water?</i> 4 00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:16,985 I have to just go back and gather myself with my buddies 5 00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:19,921 -before we start this. Okay? -Okay. 6 00:00:19,954 --> 00:00:21,355 -Right. Good. -But we are on the clock. 7 00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:23,457 Oh, yeah. And for the record, you know, 8 00:00:23,490 --> 00:00:26,393 you might want to jot down how well you're being treated 9 00:00:26,426 --> 00:00:28,997 at this professional establishment. 10 00:00:29,731 --> 00:00:31,465 -Frank, get over here. -Is she from the newspaper? 11 00:00:31,498 --> 00:00:33,300 We are in big trouble. 12 00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:35,970 We gotta come up with a statement for this reporter. 13 00:00:36,004 --> 00:00:38,238 -She's gonna butcher us. -Yeah, this is bad. 14 00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:40,608 Why don't we play dumb? Why do we have to come up with a statement? 15 00:00:40,642 --> 00:00:43,845 Because they found 500 gallons of baby oil dumped in the Schuylkill River. 16 00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:46,480 Wait. Dee might be right, 'cause they can't actually prove that that was us. 17 00:00:46,514 --> 00:00:48,816 Well, the 200 Paddy's pub T-shirts floating around in it 18 00:00:48,850 --> 00:00:50,852 -aren't exactly helping our case, pal. -Yeah, not helping. 19 00:00:50,885 --> 00:00:52,720 This is a good thing. This could be our Paddy's-gate. 20 00:00:52,754 --> 00:00:55,055 -Okay, there you go. -No, but gates aren't a good thing. 21 00:00:55,088 --> 00:00:56,290 I mean, Pizzagate, Watergate. 22 00:00:56,323 --> 00:00:57,859 -Nipplegate. Nipplegate. -Nipplegate. 23 00:00:57,892 --> 00:00:59,459 Janet Jackson's career was never the same. 24 00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:01,128 You're right, what happened-- 25 00:01:01,161 --> 00:01:03,096 -Some things you gotta keep covered up. -Based off that. Yeah. 26 00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:05,800 -We've gotta come up with a statement. -Guys, guys, guys, guys! 27 00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:07,367 We can handle this. 28 00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,469 I mean this is why we went to that corporate retreat in Idaho. 29 00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:11,171 - Hmm. - Right, right. 30 00:01:11,204 --> 00:01:13,473 We didn't go to the retreat so much as watched clips of it on YouTube, 31 00:01:13,508 --> 00:01:15,342 but, you know, you're right, Mac. 32 00:01:15,375 --> 00:01:18,478 Normally a situation like this would have me clawing all your faces off. 33 00:01:18,513 --> 00:01:21,248 But I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna utilize my words. 34 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,619 I do see your hand is still in a bit of a claw. 35 00:01:24,652 --> 00:01:25,920 Yeah, I was ready to pounce. 36 00:01:25,954 --> 00:01:27,454 I had it hidden behind my head. I was ready... 37 00:01:27,487 --> 00:01:29,924 -Yeah, I hid it behind my leg. -I had a feeling. 38 00:01:29,958 --> 00:01:32,760 -Should we un... -No, let's all unclaw our hands. 39 00:01:32,794 --> 00:01:34,896 - Right? Because that was the old way. - Yeah, yeah. 40 00:01:34,929 --> 00:01:36,229 This is the new way, right? 41 00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:37,765 We've got the tools from the corporate retreat. 42 00:01:37,799 --> 00:01:39,601 - We've got the vocabulary. - Yeah. 43 00:01:39,634 --> 00:01:41,836 We've got these awesome fleece vests inspired by the retreat. 44 00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:43,905 -Oh, my God, I love the fleece. -God, I love these vests. 45 00:01:43,938 --> 00:01:45,540 You can let it all go under here. 46 00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:48,042 I appreciate you springing for that, Frank. Thank you very much. 47 00:01:48,076 --> 00:01:50,243 So, listen, we can handle this unpleasantry 48 00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:53,047 with the grace and elegance of any major corporation 49 00:01:53,081 --> 00:01:58,285 by utilizing a little thought leadership and simply talking this thing out. 50 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:06,074 Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE www.osdb.link/lm 51 00:02:22,677 --> 00:02:25,245 First and foremost, the business must be protected at all times. 52 00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:26,948 - Yeah. - Yes. 53 00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:28,683 The business is infinitely more important than any individual. 54 00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:32,954 Yes, we are, of course, a family, but human emotion notwithstanding, 55 00:02:32,987 --> 00:02:35,923 I would be remiss not to mention that we are a business first, 56 00:02:35,957 --> 00:02:39,192 and as a business, we must behave as such. 57 00:02:39,226 --> 00:02:43,564 So I would like to posit, respectfully, of course, that we put forth an offering. 58 00:02:43,598 --> 00:02:45,399 Yes, a lamb if you will. 59 00:02:45,432 --> 00:02:48,770 No, I would say, uh, that lamb right now could be tender and delicious, 60 00:02:48,803 --> 00:02:51,739 but we have kind of bigger issues that we're dealing with 61 00:02:51,773 --> 00:02:53,306 that we need to discuss, 62 00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:55,910 and maybe, you know, eating lamb is not the best thing. 63 00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:57,945 -Momentarily speaking. -Thank you for that, Charlie, 64 00:02:57,979 --> 00:03:00,615 but of course I'm speaking of a sacrificial lamb. 65 00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:02,750 -Ah! -Maybe we need to 66 00:03:02,784 --> 00:03:04,317 walk through the series of events 67 00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,788 of the incident to figure out who the fall guy should be, 68 00:03:06,821 --> 00:03:11,659 and I would like to respectfully point out that the phrase is fall "guy." 69 00:03:11,693 --> 00:03:14,729 Thank you for pointing out that gender inequity, Dee. 70 00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:17,197 And, henceforth, let's refer to that position 71 00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:18,966 - as "fall person." - Mmm. 72 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:22,469 Or we could circle back to, uh, animal-related, uh, conversations. 73 00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:26,641 We could consider "fall fish," uh, or "scapefish" or even "fall bird," 74 00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:27,742 and then we're back to Dee. 75 00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:30,210 Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry guys, but, um, 76 00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:34,849 but my hand is so tightly clenched into a claw. 77 00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,450 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Same. 78 00:03:36,483 --> 00:03:38,653 - I'm feeling the claw again. - Same. 79 00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:40,387 All right, so why don't we do this? 80 00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:42,857 Let's all take a deep breath before we continue this conversation. 81 00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:44,357 Unclaw our hands. 82 00:03:51,132 --> 00:03:52,133 I think Dee is right. 83 00:03:53,768 --> 00:03:56,070 I think we got to take this mess from the beginning to find out how we got here. 84 00:03:56,104 --> 00:03:58,005 - Uh-huh. - -Find out who's really to blame. 85 00:03:58,039 --> 00:03:59,107 Now, as you recall, 86 00:03:59,140 --> 00:04:00,240 it all started several weeks ago... 87 00:04:00,842 --> 00:04:02,176 Whoa! 88 00:04:02,210 --> 00:04:05,012 <i>...when Frank</i> <i>found that jug out back.</i> 89 00:04:05,046 --> 00:04:06,647 Yo, let me blow on that. 90 00:04:06,681 --> 00:04:09,650 No, you make sounds when you bang on it, not blow on it. 91 00:04:09,684 --> 00:04:11,351 -No, you blow on it. -No, no. Yeah, yeah. 92 00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:13,487 - It sounds different when you put water... 93 00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:15,690 -But it's gonna be much deeper, like-- -No, no, no. He's right. 94 00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:17,859 -You don't blow on it-- -If you blow on it like that, it gets-- 95 00:04:17,892 --> 00:04:19,527 You turn it upside-down-- 96 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,461 You don't bang on it-- 97 00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:24,799 <i>That led to</i> <i>a vigorous debate, which</i> <i>in turn led to vigorous clawing</i> 98 00:04:24,832 --> 00:04:28,136 <i>until we decided to</i> <i>stop fighting and, you know,</i> <i>simply get our own jugs.</i> 99 00:04:31,706 --> 00:04:33,908 <i>Annoyingly, however, the jugs</i> <i>were filled with fluid.</i> 100 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,910 What are we supposed to do with all this fluid? 101 00:04:36,511 --> 00:04:41,348 Uh... Yeah, can't really play them as an instrument until we... 102 00:04:41,381 --> 00:04:42,750 -Oh. -Yeah, that's a problem. 103 00:04:42,784 --> 00:04:45,119 We could... w-wash the bar with it. 104 00:04:45,153 --> 00:04:48,355 Uh, you don't wanna wash the bar with a... with a water-based liquid. 105 00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:49,924 - Make a fire and... - Plants love that. 106 00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,893 -Make a fire and put water... -Make a fire and put it out. 107 00:04:51,926 --> 00:04:53,861 What are you talking about? We're not gonna make a fire. 108 00:04:53,895 --> 00:04:55,863 -Well, if we start a fire-- -Why would we start a fire? 109 00:04:55,897 --> 00:04:58,266 So we... so we have a reason to use all this liquid. 110 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:02,236 <i>After an hour-long</i> <i>argument about the best way</i> <i>to dispose of the fluid,</i> 111 00:05:02,270 --> 00:05:04,705 <i>we caved</i> <i>and decided the best way</i> <i>to make the jugs empty</i> 112 00:05:04,739 --> 00:05:06,841 <i>was to simply drink the water.</i> 113 00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:10,545 Now if I'm braising something, is that a way to cook something, 114 00:05:10,578 --> 00:05:11,813 or is that shellacking it? 115 00:05:11,846 --> 00:05:13,281 Like, am I putting sauce on it? 116 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,949 <i>The inadvertent effect</i> <i>of the watercooler</i> 117 00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:17,518 <i>was not just hydration,</i> <i>but conversation.</i> 118 00:05:17,552 --> 00:05:19,587 Is it about the sauce or the cooking technique or both? 119 00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:21,589 -It's about the crisping. -About both. 120 00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:23,591 <i>The water tank</i> <i>became a think tank</i> <i>for business scaffolding,</i> 121 00:05:23,624 --> 00:05:26,794 <i>as well as</i> <i>recent health initiatives and,</i> <i>you know, general interest.</i> 122 00:05:26,828 --> 00:05:31,833 Well, now I've taken to using baby oil almost exclusively when I get out of the shower. 123 00:05:31,866 --> 00:05:34,135 You know, I-I don't know if you guys know this, 124 00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:37,104 but you can actually put a tablespoon of baby oil in your coffee in the morning 125 00:05:37,138 --> 00:05:39,207 and it resets the pH balance of your gut biome. 126 00:05:39,841 --> 00:05:41,509 You drink it? 127 00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,945 You know, if you're gonna dump stuff, the best place is the ocean. 128 00:05:43,978 --> 00:05:47,582 I mean, you know, in a pinch, you go to a lake or a river, 129 00:05:47,615 --> 00:05:51,252 but you wanna get rid of something, ocean is the only way to go. 130 00:05:51,285 --> 00:05:53,554 Dennis, how do they get the oil out of the baby? 131 00:05:53,588 --> 00:05:56,724 Do they have to mash the babies up or grind them? 132 00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:59,927 Is it babies that are sick and dying already, or what is the oil-- 133 00:05:59,961 --> 00:06:02,495 Don't be an idiot, Charlie. The babies are alive. 134 00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:05,066 They just wring them out like an old rag. 135 00:06:05,099 --> 00:06:07,835 The Cybertruck is by far the coolest piece of machinery 136 00:06:07,869 --> 00:06:09,637 that the space nerd has ever made. Right? 137 00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:11,138 - Absolutely. - I love that truck. 138 00:06:11,172 --> 00:06:12,907 I'm furious that all cars don't look like that. 139 00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:14,441 Dude, totally. You know what it is? 140 00:06:14,474 --> 00:06:16,577 It delivers on the promise of the future from our youth. 141 00:06:16,611 --> 00:06:18,246 -Yes. -Right? 142 00:06:18,279 --> 00:06:20,014 We thought all cars were going to look like that back in the day. 143 00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:22,482 Hard lines, sharp corners, DeLorean-like materials. 144 00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:25,119 Yeah, you know, it's the transportation fitting of a Terminator. 145 00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:27,154 - Totally a Terminator. - Yeah, absolutely. 146 00:06:27,188 --> 00:06:28,522 Yeah, it's like a rhombus on wheels. 147 00:06:28,556 --> 00:06:29,991 -Right, right. Absolutely. -That's right. 148 00:06:30,024 --> 00:06:32,059 <i>We were firing</i> <i>on all cylinders,</i> 149 00:06:32,093 --> 00:06:35,796 <i>but things took a most</i> <i>exciting turn when one</i> <i>particular topic was raised.</i> 150 00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:37,965 Gentlemen, what are your thoughts on slap fighting? 151 00:06:39,333 --> 00:06:42,370 Slap fighting? I'm not aware of this. 152 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,138 Oh. Well, let me tell you. 153 00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:47,141 Just like the Cybertruck is the future of transportation, 154 00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:49,944 slap fighting is the future of dispute mitigation. 155 00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:55,283 <i>And, my God, was he right.</i> <i>We had to try our hand at it.</i> 156 00:06:55,316 --> 00:06:58,386 -The Egyptians, they like the cats. -Yeah. They like them. 157 00:06:58,451 --> 00:07:01,255 I know, but it's a... it's a cat-based society, you know what I mean? 158 00:07:01,289 --> 00:07:02,957 Yeah, but I understand that. But-- 159 00:07:02,990 --> 00:07:05,359 -The cats are a huge part of their thing. -They like the cats. 160 00:07:05,393 --> 00:07:07,828 <i>Everybody loved it. </i> <i>We swapped out the clawing</i> <i>for slapping.</i> 161 00:07:07,862 --> 00:07:09,931 <i>I mean, we were using it</i> <i>to-to-to settle arguments.</i> 162 00:07:09,964 --> 00:07:12,333 <i>We were using it to end</i> <i>the day, to start the day,</i> 163 00:07:12,366 --> 00:07:13,834 <i>- to say goodbye,</i> <i>to say hello...</i> 164 00:07:13,868 --> 00:07:15,803 <i>...to celebrate, to mourn,</i> <i>everything, you know.</i> 165 00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:19,439 <i>- But then Mac had</i> <i>a business idea.</i> 166 00:07:21,309 --> 00:07:25,880 Gentlemen, let's discuss professional slap fighting. 167 00:07:28,082 --> 00:07:31,218 <i>We were all slapped</i> <i>across the proverbial cheeks</i> <i>with this venture.</i> 168 00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:33,120 Oh, shit. 169 00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:35,623 Take your shirts off, though. 170 00:07:36,157 --> 00:07:38,491 Whoa! 171 00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:41,095 <i>It was</i> <i>his hand-face-based</i> <i>business venture</i> 172 00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:43,731 <i>that led to the off-lining</i> <i>of certain corporate assets</i> 173 00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:45,766 <i>into various aquatic bodies.</i> 174 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:51,339 So, Mac is clearly the prime candidate to fall on the metaphorical sword here. Yes? 175 00:07:51,372 --> 00:07:53,574 -Yeah. Sounds good. -Sure. Well, yeah. That adds up, right? 176 00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:55,977 Mm-hmm. That does seem to be the proper mathing. Yes. 177 00:07:56,010 --> 00:07:57,712 Yeah, I do... I do hear you guys on this. 178 00:07:57,745 --> 00:08:00,147 As long as we're outside of the earshot of this reporter, 179 00:08:00,181 --> 00:08:03,483 I'd like to add, you can stick this line of logic up your various assholes. 180 00:08:03,517 --> 00:08:05,252 Hmm. 181 00:08:05,286 --> 00:08:06,887 - All right, that's harsher language... - -Interesting point. 182 00:08:06,921 --> 00:08:09,023 ...than I thought we were allowed to use here, but... 183 00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:11,491 Also Dennis is leaving out a core friction point. 184 00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:13,394 <i>Things were going smoothly</i> 185 00:08:13,427 --> 00:08:16,764 <i>until Dennis pointed out that</i> <i>the whole thing</i> <i>sorely lacked eroticism.</i> 186 00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:18,399 Slaps and profits have gone up. 187 00:08:18,432 --> 00:08:19,900 -That's great. -Uh-huh. 188 00:08:19,934 --> 00:08:21,736 But chick saturation has gone down. 189 00:08:21,769 --> 00:08:23,404 -That's not good. -Uh-uh. 190 00:08:23,437 --> 00:08:25,606 The whole thing is sorely lacking eroticism. 191 00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:27,908 - The data is alarming. - Yeah. 192 00:08:27,942 --> 00:08:30,144 -Yeah! Yeah, yeah. -Well, let's fix that. 193 00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:31,746 -Go on. -Yeah, yeah. 194 00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:33,647 <i>He pitched something with</i> <i>the eroticism of mud wrestling</i> 195 00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:35,182 <i>and the aggression of</i> <i>a Cybertruck.</i> 196 00:08:35,216 --> 00:08:37,118 The world just has not delivered 197 00:08:37,151 --> 00:08:40,221 on the future that we were promised when we were growing up. 198 00:08:40,254 --> 00:08:44,025 We were promised mud wrestling. We were promised wet T-shirt contests. 199 00:08:44,058 --> 00:08:46,227 We were promised women going wild. 200 00:08:46,260 --> 00:08:48,963 At a certain point, we stopped women from going wild. 201 00:08:48,996 --> 00:08:50,197 Why did we do that? 202 00:08:50,231 --> 00:08:52,299 -They wanna go wild. -They should go wild. 203 00:08:52,333 --> 00:08:55,736 They want to go wild. Let's let them go wild. 204 00:08:55,770 --> 00:08:59,273 They're too dry, and so they don't feel wild. 205 00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:02,276 Yeah, exactly. Guys, let's get back to our core values. 206 00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:06,847 Th-There is an underserved market for one-on-one erotic sport competition 207 00:09:06,881 --> 00:09:09,650 between scantily-clad, oiled-up women. 208 00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,619 <i>He proposed</i> <i>pivoting away from dudes</i> 209 00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:15,790 <i>and investing all of</i> <i>our resources more heavily</i> <i>into women and baby oil.</i> 210 00:09:17,058 --> 00:09:19,193 Whoa! 211 00:09:20,494 --> 00:09:25,332 This is why Dennis's head must roll. I compliment him on the innovation, 212 00:09:25,366 --> 00:09:28,602 but the idea was a little chunky, if I'm being honest. 213 00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:30,204 My personal distaste for women aside, 214 00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:32,073 I think you crapped the bed on the execution. 215 00:09:32,106 --> 00:09:34,341 We were over-leveraged in the baby oil department 216 00:09:34,375 --> 00:09:37,211 and subsequential environmental what-have-yous 217 00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:40,648 from the off-lining have left us in this particular situation. 218 00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:44,519 Which is why I nominate Dennis. Right time, right skull. 219 00:09:44,553 --> 00:09:46,821 -I like it. I like it. -I gotta say I'm impressed. 220 00:09:46,854 --> 00:09:48,622 You know, you're coming at me open-kimono here, 221 00:09:48,656 --> 00:09:50,559 and I appreciate that, so kudos, you know. 222 00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:54,328 But I do think we need to helicopter up, stretch the vantage point a little bit. 223 00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:56,397 I think we need to chew on the key protein here, 224 00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:59,066 - which I believe to be Dee. - Mmm. 225 00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:02,269 <i>With the women slappers</i> <i>in the bar, we were thriving,</i> 226 00:10:03,204 --> 00:10:07,141 <i>but we weren't quite reaching</i> <i>the erotic escape velocity</i> <i>that I was hoping for.</i> 227 00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:08,776 I mean... ...really, all it is 228 00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:10,911 is there's one lingering problem with the women. 229 00:10:10,945 --> 00:10:13,180 -What? They're ugly. -They're ugly. 230 00:10:13,214 --> 00:10:15,015 -I didn't wanna say it, but they are ugly. -Yeah. 231 00:10:15,049 --> 00:10:16,951 They're a bit gruff, aren't they? 232 00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:20,421 The big issue for me is you can't put baby oil on any of these women, you know. 233 00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:21,689 They'll bite you. 234 00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:24,526 I had one almost bend my arm completely in half. 235 00:10:24,559 --> 00:10:27,928 -I tried to put baby oil on her and she-- -I got pinned by her too, man. 236 00:10:27,962 --> 00:10:31,132 Yeah, yeah. So you know, like, chick saturation is up. That's good. 237 00:10:31,165 --> 00:10:34,034 - But the attractive/oil saturation... - -It's way down, yeah. 238 00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:36,370 It's way down. - Way down. Why is that? 239 00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:39,106 So, we need to find a way to lure in hotter women. 240 00:10:39,140 --> 00:10:41,108 Yeah, that's all it is. You know what I mean? 241 00:10:41,142 --> 00:10:42,710 Anybody got any ideas? 242 00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:45,346 Back in the day when we were taking down all the aluminum siding, 243 00:10:45,379 --> 00:10:48,149 what are we gonna do with all that asbestos that was left? 244 00:10:48,182 --> 00:10:50,084 -We dumped it in the Schuylkill. -Oh, you did? 245 00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:51,719 - Yeah. - Okay. 246 00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:55,222 But in order to get 'em to do it, we lured 'em in with a Cadillac. 247 00:10:55,256 --> 00:10:56,724 Oh! 248 00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:58,125 That's what you gotta do with the women. 249 00:10:58,159 --> 00:10:59,860 -You think we get these gals a Cadillac... -Yeah! 250 00:10:59,894 --> 00:11:02,129 ...and we say, you know, "You win a slap fight, you get a Cadillac"? 251 00:11:02,163 --> 00:11:03,864 -Everybody needs money. -Wait. 252 00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:06,100 I know exactly what we should do. 253 00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:08,669 Oh! I was thinking the same thing. 254 00:11:09,538 --> 00:11:11,672 I doubt it. 255 00:11:13,707 --> 00:11:16,243 Oh! 256 00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:20,147 Look at this thing. Oh, man. Frank, baby, this is quite the prize. 257 00:11:20,181 --> 00:11:21,782 - Yeah. - Nicely done, Frank. 258 00:11:21,815 --> 00:11:23,751 - Yeah. - Wow. 259 00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:25,252 -Look at the hard angles on this. -Yeah. 260 00:11:25,286 --> 00:11:26,887 It's beautiful, man. 261 00:11:26,921 --> 00:11:29,323 <i>The Cybertruck lured in</i> <i>a much sexier talent pool.</i> 262 00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,158 <i>We were really excited</i> <i>about the quality of slapper,</i> 263 00:11:31,192 --> 00:11:34,663 <i>but there was one</i> <i>that stood out</i> <i>above all the others.</i> 264 00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:36,363 <i>I mean, we couldn't</i> <i>take our eyes off her.</i> 265 00:11:36,397 --> 00:11:38,332 I can't wait to see the headlights on her. 266 00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:39,634 - Yeah! - Yeah. 267 00:11:39,668 --> 00:11:41,302 Yeah. Well, and you never will see 'em, Frank. 268 00:11:41,335 --> 00:11:43,771 Because there's only one single headlight. 269 00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:45,806 It's a single headlight, yeah. - Oh. 270 00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:48,342 <i>We couldn't give her away.</i> <i>We had to have her.</i> 271 00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:51,613 <i>It wasn't long before</i> <i>we came up with a plan</i> <i>to retain her for ourselves.</i> 272 00:11:51,646 --> 00:11:53,814 <i>We would just have to win</i> <i>the slap contest, you know.</i> 273 00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:56,483 <i>We needed a ringer,</i> <i>someone to tear through</i> <i>these waifish models</i> 274 00:11:56,518 --> 00:11:59,286 <i>and ensure the truck</i> <i>would remain in our portfolio.</i> 275 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,088 Figure something out though. 276 00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:02,189 What are you guys doing? 277 00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:04,425 Huh? 278 00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:20,575 Oh! 279 00:12:29,618 --> 00:12:31,385 <i>Dee was</i> <i>tearing through girls</i> 280 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,220 <i>like a paper shredder</i> <i>through company records.</i> 281 00:12:33,254 --> 00:12:35,923 <i>And we knew she would,</i> <i>as I had explained it</i> <i>with a graph.</i> 282 00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:39,093 The lower the self-esteem, the harder the slap. And Dee could take a hit too. 283 00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:41,028 Right? Years of getting slapped around by Frank, right? 284 00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:42,162 Yeah. 285 00:12:42,196 --> 00:12:43,698 Those were the days. 286 00:12:43,732 --> 00:12:45,567 -Oh, yeah. Better times. -If say so, buddy. If you say so. 287 00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:48,902 <i>She had it all,</i> <i>and she delivered</i> <i>slap after slap.</i> 288 00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:51,939 <i>Sexy women,</i> <i>aggressive violence,</i> <i>futuristic trucks.</i> 289 00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:55,744 <i>Everything was going</i> <i>according to plan.</i> <i>Till Dee got knocked out.</i> 290 00:12:58,178 --> 00:13:00,548 Dee, I thank you for your service. I love you like a sister. 291 00:13:00,582 --> 00:13:01,849 Well, I am your sister. 292 00:13:01,882 --> 00:13:03,685 Well, you know, familial ties notwithstanding. 293 00:13:03,718 --> 00:13:05,754 Uh, I think you kinda drained the kettle on that one. 294 00:13:06,287 --> 00:13:08,088 And, hey, you know, no offense, 295 00:13:08,122 --> 00:13:10,291 but I think you've proven yourself to be pretty good at taking a fall. 296 00:13:11,559 --> 00:13:14,228 Guys, I know things are getting hot, okay? 297 00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:16,130 But I think we're styling the wrong mannequin here. 298 00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:18,566 I would have won that competition 299 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:21,201 if it wasn't for our associate deviating from the business plan, 300 00:13:21,235 --> 00:13:22,604 and that would be Charlie. 301 00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:25,139 Oh. Uh... Wow. 302 00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:28,075 <i>He fell back on</i> <i>some old bad habits.</i> 303 00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:29,877 Fool. 304 00:13:31,045 --> 00:13:33,548 What's up? 305 00:13:33,581 --> 00:13:35,717 -What's going on? New car? I like it. -Oh, God. 306 00:13:35,750 --> 00:13:38,753 -Okay. What is this? Why are you here? -Pretty sweet. Is that a Geo? 307 00:13:38,787 --> 00:13:40,622 Well, I got a business opportunity for you. 308 00:13:40,655 --> 00:13:42,222 Oh, a business opportunity? 309 00:13:42,256 --> 00:13:43,625 -Yeah. Check this out. -Oh, good. 310 00:13:43,658 --> 00:13:45,259 -Yeah, you're gonna like this. -Great. I bet. 311 00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:47,127 We're doing these oiled-up slap fights in the bar. 312 00:13:47,161 --> 00:13:48,596 Oiled-up slap fights? 313 00:13:48,630 --> 00:13:50,230 Yeah, we're oiling girls and they're slapping each other. 314 00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:51,566 -You're oiling girls up? -Yeah. 315 00:13:51,599 --> 00:13:53,400 So I could oil you or you could oil yourself, but... 316 00:13:53,434 --> 00:13:55,936 Did you come here to ask me if I want to get oiled by you? 317 00:13:55,969 --> 00:13:57,739 -Are you stalking me again? -Yeah. 318 00:13:57,772 --> 00:14:02,276 Stalking? Whoa. Since when did I ever stalk you? No, that's not my thing. 319 00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:03,611 -Flirting, maybe. But... -Okay. 320 00:14:03,645 --> 00:14:05,379 Hey, look, you don't have to do it, 321 00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:07,749 but I will say that the winner of the thing is gonna get a free truck, 322 00:14:07,782 --> 00:14:10,819 but I suppose you like this car better, you know. 323 00:14:12,152 --> 00:14:13,220 You're giving away a truck? 324 00:14:14,522 --> 00:14:15,557 A Cybertruck. 325 00:14:17,157 --> 00:14:18,859 Mmm. 326 00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:21,128 <i>Little did he know that</i> <i>she wasn't just driving</i> <i>that crappy car,</i> 327 00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:22,597 <i>she was living in it.</i> 328 00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,540 <i>The allure</i> <i>of the Cybertruck</i> 329 00:14:32,574 --> 00:14:35,309 <i>and a lifetime of petty misery</i> <i>suffered by this woman</i> 330 00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:36,944 <i>rendered her unstoppable.</i> 331 00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:40,147 Yeah. Okay. Who's next? 332 00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:44,652 Uh... Hey. I got an idea, all right? 333 00:14:44,686 --> 00:14:47,789 W-What if you and I get a little side pot going, right? 334 00:14:47,822 --> 00:14:50,658 You and me, we... we tone down on the slaps, we call it a tie, 335 00:14:50,692 --> 00:14:52,192 and that way we can share the Cyber-- 336 00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:04,706 Yeah! 337 00:15:04,739 --> 00:15:06,039 I was sucker-punched. 338 00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:07,474 - No. - No. 339 00:15:07,509 --> 00:15:08,843 -Mm-mmm. -In your dreams. 340 00:15:08,877 --> 00:15:10,244 No. You were looking right at her. 341 00:15:10,277 --> 00:15:12,079 She slapped the shit out of me, but I wasn't ready. 342 00:15:12,547 --> 00:15:14,481 It was uncalled for and it wasn't fair. 343 00:15:14,516 --> 00:15:16,283 <i>To make matters worse,</i> <i>Frank reversed course</i> 344 00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:17,951 <i>and refused to make her whole.</i> 345 00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:19,353 What do you mean I don't get the truck? 346 00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:22,055 -It's all in the terms and conditions. -What? 347 00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:25,058 Look. "Cybertruck not included." Can you read? 348 00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:27,529 -Oh, my God! -Can you read? 349 00:15:27,562 --> 00:15:29,096 -What? -Oh, my God. 350 00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:30,832 -Screw you. Screw you guys so hard! -In plain writing. 351 00:15:30,865 --> 00:15:32,966 -Oh, I'm taking this public. For this. -Don't you dare. 352 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,570 <i>Needless to say,</i> <i>she was pissed, and she</i> <i>promised to go public.</i> 353 00:15:35,603 --> 00:15:37,605 <i>And let's face it, we didn't</i> <i>have permits for any of this.</i> 354 00:15:37,639 --> 00:15:39,908 <i>Which led to the panic</i> <i>and dumping of assets</i> 355 00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:43,076 <i>to erase the trail</i> <i>of corporate culture and</i> <i>create plausible deniability.</i> 356 00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:44,846 I'm gonna call the newspaper. 357 00:15:44,879 --> 00:15:46,980 As the crow flies here, I think we could all see from a bird's-eye view 358 00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:49,349 that had Charlie not invited The Waitress, none of this would've happened. 359 00:15:49,383 --> 00:15:50,819 So Charlie should take the fall. 360 00:15:50,852 --> 00:15:52,754 And I would say all due respect, but I don't respect you. 361 00:15:52,787 --> 00:15:55,657 It's true, Charlie. We may have reached our inflection point. 362 00:15:55,690 --> 00:15:57,592 Okay, great. Yeah, that's all good. Yeah. 363 00:15:57,625 --> 00:16:00,127 And I-I'm hearing you guys, you know, ear-wise. 364 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:04,231 And, um, you know, mouth-wise, uh, you're giving me various wordables, 365 00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:06,099 uh, that are adding up to thoughts. 366 00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:09,036 This is good. I see how you're trying to clip my wings so that I can fly. 367 00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:11,338 That's not how birds work. That makes them "un-fly." 368 00:16:11,371 --> 00:16:13,675 Okay. I did not know that you were the bird expert. 369 00:16:13,708 --> 00:16:16,945 But I would like to pivot here, you know, before I fall on the sword, 370 00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:21,883 and say that I was also using my eyeballs this entire time for various observables. 371 00:16:21,916 --> 00:16:27,354 Because I realized... ...that Frank was, you know, 372 00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:30,825 growing in hardness as the eroticism in the bar was increasing. 373 00:16:30,859 --> 00:16:33,962 And, uh, he was becoming as hard as a Cybertruck himself, 374 00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:35,162 you know, which you could see. 375 00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:36,965 Cheese, of course, is also on this graph. 376 00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:38,800 - Just keep going. - Uh, moving past. 377 00:16:38,833 --> 00:16:43,203 Well, the main thing here is that I think we now have our open-sliced lamb. 378 00:16:43,237 --> 00:16:45,339 You know, open commando person. 379 00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:47,775 -What? -What are you saying? 380 00:16:47,809 --> 00:16:49,443 I'm saying it should be Frank, man. 381 00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:52,212 Because he was throwing an orgy in the basement the entire time. 382 00:16:52,246 --> 00:16:53,915 - What? - Yes. 383 00:16:53,948 --> 00:16:57,050 I realized Frank was trying to capitalize on the erotic environment 384 00:16:57,084 --> 00:16:59,921 and pivot into a more orgasmic business model, right? 385 00:16:59,954 --> 00:17:04,559 <i>And I noticed</i> <i>various unsavory investors</i> <i>were paying Frank</i> 386 00:17:04,592 --> 00:17:06,928 <i>to try to get in on</i> <i>the ground floor.</i> 387 00:17:06,961 --> 00:17:08,563 Dear God. Damn, you are not good at this. 388 00:17:08,596 --> 00:17:10,532 I'm tryna say dudes were paying Frank to go into the basement. 389 00:17:10,565 --> 00:17:12,399 - Mm-hmm. - Right. 390 00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:14,502 And he was failing in his efforts to poach talent from the slapping pool. 391 00:17:14,536 --> 00:17:19,273 Ooh. I like those straps, and I can't wait to see it off. Let's go downstairs. 392 00:17:19,306 --> 00:17:21,943 And I knew this 'cause chicks were slapping him constantly. 393 00:17:21,976 --> 00:17:26,313 But then I saw him trying to headhunt for new key players in this thing. 394 00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:29,984 Yo, baby. I need a prostitute. 395 00:17:30,018 --> 00:17:32,486 <i>But he was</i> <i>running up against</i> <i>some logistical hurdles.</i> 396 00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:34,522 Well, when's she coming back from The Bahamas? 397 00:17:34,556 --> 00:17:36,658 <i>So, the slap fighting</i> <i>and the basement full of men.</i> 398 00:17:36,691 --> 00:17:39,727 <i>The whole thing was just</i> <i>a big red flag. He had a target</i> <i>on his back and whatnot.</i> 399 00:17:39,761 --> 00:17:43,998 So, when The Waitress got all pissed off she wasn't gonna get a Cybertruck, 400 00:17:44,032 --> 00:17:47,167 and the police were potentially going to get involved, Frank panicked. 401 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,169 He was worried about the orgy, 402 00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:52,105 which led to the dumping into the Schuylkills and whatnot. 403 00:17:52,139 --> 00:17:57,011 And so that is why he is the person that... that should take this fall. 404 00:17:57,045 --> 00:17:59,747 Um, also, there's still a bunch of dudes in the basement. 405 00:17:59,781 --> 00:18:01,181 -Uh... What? Right now? -What? 406 00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:02,650 Yeah, there's, like, guys down there now. 407 00:18:02,684 --> 00:18:04,351 -Dude. -Right? How many are down there? 408 00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:06,353 -Eleven. Eleven. Eleven's the answer. -Eleven dudes in the basement. 409 00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:08,523 -The reporter could see all this. -Yeah, one could come up. 410 00:18:08,556 --> 00:18:10,190 -It could be an issue for us. -Oh, shit. 411 00:18:10,223 --> 00:18:12,594 We got to figure out what we're gonna do and get her out of here. 412 00:18:12,627 --> 00:18:15,262 I agree with Charlie. I think Frank should take the fall for the whole thing. 413 00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:17,599 -Well, that's insane. -You drove a Cybertruck into the river. 414 00:18:17,632 --> 00:18:19,867 I didn't know. I thought it was an aquatic vehicle. 415 00:18:19,901 --> 00:18:22,036 -It's an environmental nightmare. -It should be, but it's not. 416 00:18:22,070 --> 00:18:23,671 If anything, it looks like it goes into space. 417 00:18:23,705 --> 00:18:25,073 -Yeah, it should be but it's not. -The liberal press 418 00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:26,406 is going to crucify us. 419 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:27,508 I gotta come clean. 420 00:18:29,043 --> 00:18:30,845 I think the truck is ugly. 421 00:18:30,878 --> 00:18:32,847 Damn it. I knew you were gonna say that. I knew she was gonna say that. 422 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:36,249 Stupid. You're stupid. I call bullshit on that. 423 00:18:36,283 --> 00:18:37,919 All right. Enough, enough. 424 00:18:37,952 --> 00:18:40,922 I've had enough with the charts and the maps and the graphs. 425 00:18:40,955 --> 00:18:44,458 It's clear you're all good foot soldiers, loyal servants and whatnot. 426 00:18:44,491 --> 00:18:49,597 But it's time we connect the Legos here and boil down to our core values. 427 00:18:49,631 --> 00:18:53,433 Yes, hammer down on our brand identity and come out open commando. 428 00:18:53,467 --> 00:18:55,570 -I said the commando thing. -Didn't make sense the first time. 429 00:18:55,603 --> 00:18:57,705 I thought it was... It sounded cool and I want to circle back. 430 00:18:57,739 --> 00:18:59,907 -If you're doing it 'cause it's cool... -Okay. I got a plan, 431 00:18:59,941 --> 00:19:01,009 and this is it. 432 00:19:03,077 --> 00:19:04,277 Okay. Here we go. 433 00:19:05,747 --> 00:19:08,281 Um, ma'am, we are finally ready to make our statement. 434 00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:09,751 Yeah, yeah. 435 00:19:12,319 --> 00:19:14,122 No comment. 436 00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:19,127 That said, we are no longer gonna drink, serve, or have anything to do 437 00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:20,628 -that represents water. -Yeah. 438 00:19:20,662 --> 00:19:23,296 -Water is not the cornerstone of our company. -Mm-mmm. 439 00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:25,432 And we will hereby, uh, be getting rid of the watercooler. 440 00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:26,768 -Gone. -Gone. 441 00:19:26,801 --> 00:19:29,137 Excuse me, I-I'm not sure what you're talking about. 442 00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:32,439 Sorry. We got on talking like this when we started over-hydrating. 443 00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:35,009 Yeah, we watched\ a couple YouTube clips about a corporate retreat. 444 00:19:35,043 --> 00:19:36,511 Got some water, got hydrated. 445 00:19:36,544 --> 00:19:38,613 So, we're not gonna talk about that subject anymore. 446 00:19:38,646 --> 00:19:40,748 - No more water. -No comment is the main thing, right? 447 00:19:40,782 --> 00:19:42,950 -Yeah. What I said in the beginning. -Yeah. And no water. 448 00:19:42,984 --> 00:19:44,752 I'm sorry, do you think I'm a reporter? 449 00:19:45,553 --> 00:19:46,854 Yeah. 450 00:19:46,888 --> 00:19:49,222 No. I'm here for the orgy. 451 00:19:49,791 --> 00:19:51,693 Oh. Oh. 452 00:19:51,726 --> 00:19:54,095 Good. Great. Great. 453 00:19:54,128 --> 00:19:57,031 Oh. Hey, guys, the whore is here. 454 00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:02,637 - I was waiting for you. - I told you guys, man. 455 00:20:02,670 --> 00:20:04,471 -That's one woman. -Yeah. 456 00:20:04,505 --> 00:20:06,874 Yeah. T-That's not an orgy. That's a... 457 00:20:06,908 --> 00:20:08,076 -No. No. -That's a gangbang. 458 00:20:08,109 --> 00:20:09,443 - No. No. - That's a gangbang, yeah. 459 00:20:09,476 --> 00:20:12,245 We really should find a way to exit Frank. 459 00:20:13,305 --> 00:21:13,369 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org