"Unhappily Ever After" Gift of the Magnovox

1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE www.osdb.link/lm 2 00:00:49,910 --> 00:00:53,470 I have given up so much in this divorce, but I'm not giving up on this. 3 00:00:53,610 --> 00:00:55,730 I absolutely have to have one of them. 4 00:00:55,790 --> 00:00:58,610 No, they're mine and I can't live without them. 5 00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:00,450 God, I guess they really do love us. 6 00:01:01,070 --> 00:01:03,530 Please, they're the only things that make life worth living. 7 00:01:04,070 --> 00:01:05,610 At least give me the damaged one. 8 00:01:06,250 --> 00:01:07,250 So long. 9 00:01:09,610 --> 00:01:12,359 I just want you guys to know that whoever wins this 10 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:14,791 fight and gets me, that I'll still love both of you. 11 00:01:15,150 --> 00:01:15,990 We don't want you. 12 00:01:16,090 --> 00:01:17,610 I want her to give me one of the VCRs. 13 00:01:19,270 --> 00:01:22,510 I mean, it's nice to know that you love us and all, but we're very busy right now. 14 00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:25,310 Jack, the boy is crying out. 15 00:01:25,590 --> 00:01:27,330 Give him a Cosby-like hug. 16 00:01:27,470 --> 00:01:28,470 Oh, go on. 17 00:01:35,510 --> 00:01:37,450 Tell your mother to give me one of the VCRs. 18 00:01:38,230 --> 00:01:39,370 You can't do it, Dad. 19 00:01:40,210 --> 00:01:41,670 Then get the hell out of my sight. 20 00:01:43,950 --> 00:01:45,670 It's good for the soul, isn't it? 21 00:01:45,690 --> 00:01:46,690 Yeah. 22 00:01:46,930 --> 00:01:48,710 He whispered that you should give me a VCR. 23 00:01:49,790 --> 00:01:52,170 You're grounded, you little turncoat. 24 00:01:52,690 --> 00:01:56,510 You love him so much, how would you like to go live with him when there's no VCR? 25 00:01:57,670 --> 00:01:58,790 I don't love him, Ma. 26 00:02:00,730 --> 00:02:01,070 Good. 27 00:02:01,530 --> 00:02:02,530 Then you can stay. 28 00:02:05,590 --> 00:02:06,590 You see that? 29 00:02:07,070 --> 00:02:09,730 Nothing can break the bond between a son and his mother. 30 00:02:10,150 --> 00:02:11,150 Except a wife. 31 00:02:13,850 --> 00:02:16,099 My mother hasn't spoken to me since we got married, 32 00:02:16,100 --> 00:02:18,610 and you said to her, I'm the real Mrs. Malloy now. 33 00:02:18,670 --> 00:02:19,950 He won't be needing you anymore. 34 00:02:20,870 --> 00:02:22,370 Well, she can have you back now. 35 00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:29,651 I know I've thought so many times about trying to find her, but what if she's broke? 36 00:02:30,390 --> 00:02:32,830 Jack, you are not going to get one of my VCRs. 37 00:02:32,831 --> 00:02:35,570 As a matter of fact, you should buy a new one for the kid. 38 00:02:35,810 --> 00:02:36,230 Oh, please. 39 00:02:36,330 --> 00:02:38,230 There's nothing wrong with this piece of crap. 40 00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:40,270 You just have to hold the play button down. 41 00:02:44,250 --> 00:02:47,024 You know, with the radiation from sitting so close to 42 00:02:47,025 --> 00:02:49,610 the TV, he'll probably never be able to have children. 43 00:02:50,410 --> 00:02:52,850 Too bad my parents wouldn't let me sit that close. 44 00:02:55,230 --> 00:02:56,410 Well, I gotta go to work. 45 00:02:57,030 --> 00:02:59,290 Well, it was so nice to see you, sweetie. 46 00:03:00,110 --> 00:03:01,430 You have a nice day, honey. 47 00:03:03,930 --> 00:03:05,610 I hate that man. 48 00:03:06,990 --> 00:03:09,530 I only married him to get away from my mother. 49 00:03:10,430 --> 00:03:11,430 Hi, Mom. 50 00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:14,610 It is time for my enema. 51 00:03:20,070 --> 00:03:21,870 I hate my life. 52 00:03:23,490 --> 00:03:26,490 Not that you kids just don't add a whole lot to it. 53 00:03:28,550 --> 00:03:30,890 Oh, what are you looking at, you stupid dogs? 54 00:03:32,970 --> 00:03:34,650 Boy, Mom's in a horrible mood. 55 00:03:35,070 --> 00:03:35,510 Really? 56 00:03:35,710 --> 00:03:36,710 Did she say so? 57 00:03:38,450 --> 00:03:39,450 You're an idiot. 58 00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:40,510 She knows that. 59 00:03:42,130 --> 00:03:43,270 Why would that upset her? 60 00:03:43,930 --> 00:03:45,070 Maybe it's her period. 61 00:03:47,690 --> 00:03:49,190 What do you know about periods? 62 00:03:49,590 --> 00:03:50,990 They come at the end of a sentence. 63 00:03:53,510 --> 00:03:54,970 And Mom gets them a lot. 64 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:57,970 Well, something is wrong. 65 00:03:58,170 --> 00:03:59,250 Let's look at the calendar. 66 00:04:00,870 --> 00:04:01,310 Oh. 67 00:04:01,311 --> 00:04:01,410 Oh. 68 00:04:01,430 --> 00:04:01,750 Oh, my God. 69 00:04:02,010 --> 00:04:03,050 It's not her period. 70 00:04:03,170 --> 00:04:03,830 It's worse. 71 00:04:04,090 --> 00:04:05,090 Look. 72 00:04:05,190 --> 00:04:06,570 It's Mom and Dad's anniversary. 73 00:04:07,670 --> 00:04:08,810 Somebody's got to tell Dad. 74 00:04:09,590 --> 00:04:10,410 I'll do it. 75 00:04:10,430 --> 00:04:11,430 I'm the oldest. 76 00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:13,710 How do you forget your anniversary? 77 00:04:14,170 --> 00:04:15,690 I'm glad I'm not dumb like Dad. 78 00:04:17,250 --> 00:04:17,730 Hi. 79 00:04:17,930 --> 00:04:18,930 In Van Nuys? 80 00:04:19,270 --> 00:04:20,590 Uh, yeah, the number for Dad? 81 00:04:24,050 --> 00:04:24,930 Hi, Bunny. 82 00:04:25,010 --> 00:04:26,010 I'm home. 83 00:04:27,610 --> 00:04:28,570 Guess what? 84 00:04:28,630 --> 00:04:29,650 I got us. 85 00:04:32,550 --> 00:04:37,430 now look you can't do this to me you can't talk to me one night and then not talk to 86 00:04:37,431 --> 00:04:42,030 me the next if you don't talk to me I'm gonna wind up talking to myself what do 87 00:04:42,031 --> 00:04:47,390 you think you're doing now Jack I know I'm kind of talking to myself but at least I'm 88 00:04:47,391 --> 00:04:53,870 not muttering like a psycho damn bunny thinks I'm crazy maybe I am I am crazy. 89 00:04:54,270 --> 00:04:56,570 Crazy enough to get us a VCR! 90 00:04:57,830 --> 00:04:59,050 Oh, my God! 91 00:04:59,490 --> 00:05:00,850 We can watch porno! 92 00:05:03,010 --> 00:05:05,070 That is what you want to watch, isn't it? 93 00:05:05,230 --> 00:05:07,090 Gee, it's like you can read my mind. 94 00:05:10,090 --> 00:05:12,210 Where'd you get the money to buy a VCR? 95 00:05:12,550 --> 00:05:13,550 I sold a car. 96 00:05:16,090 --> 00:05:18,810 Yeah, I sold a car to a sweet little gray-haired lady. 97 00:05:19,410 --> 00:05:21,970 Stupid broad actually paid full sticker price. 98 00:05:21,971 --> 00:05:24,130 Thank God for Gentiles! 99 00:05:25,390 --> 00:05:28,250 Yeah, she really seemed thrilled with the extra trunk space. 100 00:05:28,590 --> 00:05:31,250 Of course, I guess they all have extra room without a spare. 101 00:05:32,370 --> 00:05:34,330 You know, I really don't feel bad about it. 102 00:05:34,530 --> 00:05:36,875 I figure I'm just saving her from unscrupulous 103 00:05:36,876 --> 00:05:38,670 crooks that take advantage of old people. 104 00:05:39,070 --> 00:05:40,290 Like the Rolling Stones? 105 00:05:41,950 --> 00:05:42,950 Yeah. 106 00:05:45,390 --> 00:05:48,510 Well, are we ready for natural born hooters? 107 00:05:51,350 --> 00:05:54,690 It's supposed to be visually stunning, but yet kind of preachy. 108 00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,490 We're not going to have the sound on. 109 00:05:57,550 --> 00:05:59,330 We can say faster, faster ourselves. 110 00:06:04,090 --> 00:06:05,210 Oh, yes! 111 00:06:07,230 --> 00:06:11,110 Look, he's delivering a pizza and she doesn't have any money. 112 00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:13,470 How will she pay for it? 113 00:06:18,590 --> 00:06:19,590 Ooh. 114 00:06:20,730 --> 00:06:22,270 Now that was worth a pizza. 115 00:06:24,450 --> 00:06:25,850 Hey, I'm going to get a beer. 116 00:06:25,970 --> 00:06:27,370 You want anything from the kitchen? 117 00:06:27,570 --> 00:06:28,570 No, I'm cool. 118 00:06:31,590 --> 00:06:33,590 Hey, look, I got two messages on my machine. 119 00:06:33,950 --> 00:06:35,970 A porno tape and two messages. 120 00:06:36,610 --> 00:06:39,170 I am truly starting to live the bachelor life. 121 00:06:41,450 --> 00:06:42,790 Hi, Daddy, it's Tiffany. 122 00:06:43,090 --> 00:06:44,090 Ryan is an idiot. 123 00:06:44,430 --> 00:06:47,610 Anyhow, I have to tell you, you're in big trouble if you don't... Huh? 124 00:06:47,710 --> 00:06:48,070 Oops. 125 00:06:48,071 --> 00:06:48,830 I have another call. 126 00:06:48,910 --> 00:06:49,910 Please hold. 127 00:06:53,410 --> 00:06:54,410 Hi, honey. 128 00:06:54,570 --> 00:06:55,750 Ryan is an idiot. 129 00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:59,150 I just wanted to say I'm sorry for arguing with you today. 130 00:06:59,350 --> 00:07:01,110 I'd like you to come over for dinner tonight. 131 00:07:01,290 --> 00:07:02,750 I'm making meatloaf. 132 00:07:03,070 --> 00:07:04,070 See you at eight. 133 00:07:06,030 --> 00:07:07,330 I feel grand. 134 00:07:08,510 --> 00:07:09,510 I do! 135 00:07:10,250 --> 00:07:12,992 I mean, here I am, I'm sitting here with a 136 00:07:12,993 --> 00:07:16,911 beer, my very best friend in the whole world. 137 00:07:17,190 --> 00:07:18,190 Me. 138 00:07:19,770 --> 00:07:21,590 Yes, I truly have it all. 139 00:07:22,310 --> 00:07:24,630 You're out of toilet paper, Mr. Rockefeller. 140 00:07:26,430 --> 00:07:29,090 Not to worry, I'll score a roll when I go over for the meatloaf. 141 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:31,450 Life be good. 142 00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:32,930 Word to your mother. 143 00:07:33,570 --> 00:07:35,030 If you knew where she was. 144 00:07:44,780 --> 00:07:45,956 Dad's on his way over for dinner. 145 00:07:45,980 --> 00:07:47,256 Did you tell him it's their anniversary? 146 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:48,400 Oh, that's what I forgot. 147 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:49,880 He's on my call list. 148 00:07:50,140 --> 00:07:51,740 Oh, well, guess we'll find out soon, huh? 149 00:07:57,740 --> 00:07:58,500 Hi, Daddy. 150 00:07:58,640 --> 00:07:58,980 Hi, baby. 151 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:04,160 Say, uh, what was that really important message you had to tell me? 152 00:08:04,340 --> 00:08:04,800 Oh, right. 153 00:08:04,940 --> 00:08:05,760 It is really important. 154 00:08:05,900 --> 00:08:06,980 Thank God I caught you. 155 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:09,200 Please hold, Daddy. 156 00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:11,480 Hello? 157 00:08:11,580 --> 00:08:12,580 Oh, hi, Ember. 158 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:14,440 He did what? 159 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,660 Well, maybe he's not a real gynecologist. 160 00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:23,640 I'm so glad you could come. 161 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:25,540 I didn't expect to be this sensitive to you. 162 00:08:25,541 --> 00:08:26,741 You didn't sound sad, did you? 163 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:30,520 Uh... no. 164 00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:34,020 It hit me pretty hard. 165 00:08:40,180 --> 00:08:42,720 Oh, Jack, I'm so glad you understand. 166 00:08:43,900 --> 00:08:46,140 What kind of a man would I be if I didn't? 167 00:08:47,900 --> 00:08:48,380 Psst! 168 00:08:48,460 --> 00:08:48,780 Ryan! 169 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:50,240 Come here! 170 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:51,780 Dad, I'm watching TV. 171 00:09:00,860 --> 00:09:02,300 I need to know what's going on. 172 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:05,840 All right, well, Wilma's mad. 173 00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:08,900 Because Fred forgot their anniversary. 174 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:10,480 Not that, you imbecile. 175 00:09:10,620 --> 00:09:12,500 I want you to tell me what day it is today. 176 00:09:12,580 --> 00:09:14,700 And don't make me have to ask one of the smarter kids. 177 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:16,720 Today's your mom's anniversary. 178 00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:20,860 And for your information, I'm smarter than Ross. 179 00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:23,000 At least until we're the same age. 180 00:09:31,340 --> 00:09:32,340 Happy anniversary. 181 00:09:33,260 --> 00:09:34,260 Happy anniversary. 182 00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:39,600 Well, you want to open the presents before or after dinner? 183 00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:41,360 After. 184 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,560 You didn't give me a present, did you? 185 00:09:51,740 --> 00:09:52,740 I'll be right back. 186 00:09:56,260 --> 00:09:57,640 I gotta get her something. 187 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,140 Look, go back there. 188 00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:02,500 Tell her, you're used up, baby. 189 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:03,640 I'm moving on. 190 00:10:05,060 --> 00:10:06,220 Grab your present. 191 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:08,140 And then come home to the one who loves you. 192 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:12,060 Not a sick kind of love like you're thinking. 193 00:10:13,460 --> 00:10:15,900 But a nice, normal man bunny kind of thing. 194 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:18,980 Hey, maybe she'd like a beer. 195 00:10:20,340 --> 00:10:22,760 You know, I could wrap it up all nice, like in a newspaper. 196 00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:25,080 Why do you have to give her anything? 197 00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:28,720 Because she got me something, and she's been acting all nice and everything. 198 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:30,080 Oh, please. 199 00:10:30,220 --> 00:10:31,220 I'm retching. 200 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:33,940 Besides, I think she wants me. 201 00:10:33,980 --> 00:10:35,740 She's all dolled up and looking good. 202 00:10:36,140 --> 00:10:37,140 Oh, that'll last. 203 00:10:37,260 --> 00:10:37,880 Believe me. 204 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:41,141 She'll be wearing sweatpants and floppy socks and put 205 00:10:41,142 --> 00:10:43,860 on 20 pounds before you even wake up the next morning. 206 00:10:45,060 --> 00:10:47,140 Stop thinking with your carrot, boy. 207 00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:52,620 You know, sometimes I need you to just listen. 208 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:56,480 Hey, I know what she wants. 209 00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:57,340 Oh! 210 00:10:57,560 --> 00:10:58,300 Oh, no! 211 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:00,420 That witch is not getting my VCR! 212 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:02,660 Oh, boy! 213 00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:04,240 Did I see this coming! 214 00:11:04,460 --> 00:11:06,040 Typical second wife syndrome. 215 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,480 She snaps her fingers and you jump. 216 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:12,920 But it's me who sits here night after night listening to your woes. 217 00:11:14,060 --> 00:11:16,980 Always there with a furry shoulder to cry on. 218 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:19,120 Excuse me, Jack. 219 00:11:19,340 --> 00:11:22,500 My cheap plastic eyes are welling up with tears. 220 00:11:22,620 --> 00:11:23,620 ... 221 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:27,920 Look. 222 00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:29,540 She's making meatloaf. 223 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:31,120 ... 224 00:11:32,980 --> 00:11:34,560 It's been a long time for me. 225 00:11:34,980 --> 00:11:35,980 ... 226 00:11:37,100 --> 00:11:39,120 Look, I have needs, too, dammit! 227 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:40,380 I want her meatloaf! 228 00:11:40,940 --> 00:11:42,720 ... Don't take that VCR! 229 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:44,220 What'll I do all day? 230 00:11:44,540 --> 00:11:47,336 You ever think about trying to take a little bit better care of yourself? 231 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:47,760 Huh? 232 00:11:47,820 --> 00:11:49,140 Maybe work out once in a while? 233 00:11:49,180 --> 00:11:50,180 I mean, look at you. 234 00:11:50,780 --> 00:11:51,780 ... 235 00:11:52,620 --> 00:11:54,780 Should I have some dinner on the table when I get home? 236 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,281 ... ... 237 00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:58,980 ... ... Who the hell do you think you are? 238 00:11:59,180 --> 00:12:01,080 I don't need this aggravation. 239 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:03,140 And I don't need you. 240 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:05,960 Or if I want to, I can make this mop talk. 241 00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:07,300 Hi, Jack. 242 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,720 I don't need a VCR to be your friend. 243 00:12:10,660 --> 00:12:12,200 The mop starts complaining. 244 00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:14,640 I'll be your friend, Jack. 245 00:12:16,900 --> 00:12:18,800 You see how insane I am? 246 00:12:19,340 --> 00:12:21,120 I'm telling you, don't mess with me. 247 00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:22,940 Now, why is that the punch of you? 248 00:12:23,780 --> 00:12:26,340 All right, I want to hear it all together now. 249 00:12:27,420 --> 00:12:29,160 Funky's a jolly good fellow. 250 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,680 Funky's a jolly good fellow. 251 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:32,280 Funky's a jolly good fellow. 252 00:12:32,281 --> 00:12:33,800 Oh, Jack. 253 00:12:36,220 --> 00:12:38,120 You got me a VCR. 254 00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:41,720 Oh, that's so funny. 255 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:42,960 I got you one, too. 256 00:12:43,700 --> 00:12:45,080 Of course, I wrapped mine. 257 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:47,400 A VCR. 258 00:12:48,900 --> 00:12:50,160 Floppy will be so happy. 259 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:52,640 Oh, is that what you're calling it these days? 260 00:12:57,440 --> 00:13:04,900 I am at that painful time between when my pills wear out and the new pills kick in. 261 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:06,800 Wait a minute. 262 00:13:07,380 --> 00:13:09,540 This must be them now. 263 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:13,280 Ah. 264 00:13:14,380 --> 00:13:15,380 Yes. 265 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:18,240 Welcome, my little friends. 266 00:13:22,900 --> 00:13:24,160 I hunger. 267 00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:25,560 Feed me. 268 00:13:28,860 --> 00:13:29,420 Mom. 269 00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:31,280 You'll have to go to your room. 270 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,480 I made Jack an anniversary dinner. 271 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:35,960 Oh, I see. 272 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:38,460 You've poisoned it. 273 00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:42,580 Oh, I hope it's an excruciating death. 274 00:13:44,220 --> 00:13:46,560 Mom, I am not going to poison Jack. 275 00:13:46,820 --> 00:13:47,440 Why not? 276 00:13:47,580 --> 00:13:49,820 There's nothing wrong with it. 277 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:52,120 Oh. 278 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:55,480 I only wish your father had eaten his poison. 279 00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:59,700 Instead, all I ended up with was a dead cat. 280 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:02,520 Snuffles? 281 00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:04,700 I thought you said Snuffles ran away. 282 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:09,060 Well, he did run. 283 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:17,260 As the poison coursed through his blood, he ran in circles. 284 00:14:17,340 --> 00:14:21,080 He ran up and down the walls, shredding my good drapes. 285 00:14:25,100 --> 00:14:26,100 Bon appetit. 286 00:14:27,660 --> 00:14:28,960 What about my puppy? 287 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:31,500 Did Buttons really get run over? 288 00:14:31,820 --> 00:14:33,600 Well, yes, he did. 289 00:14:33,780 --> 00:14:36,860 I could never see out of the back of that old Chrysler. 290 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:42,180 Didn't you have a brother? 291 00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:48,120 Yes. 292 00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:49,180 Yes, I did. 293 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:52,080 But he went away to boarding school, and I haven't heard from him since. 294 00:14:54,020 --> 00:14:55,760 I wonder why he never writes. 295 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,980 Well, let's not let it ruin our evening. 296 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:03,623 Yes, Snuffles and Buttons are in pet heaven now, 297 00:15:03,624 --> 00:15:06,281 and Jimmy's in his 32nd year of boarding school. 298 00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:10,140 But skipping this meatloaf won't bring him back. 299 00:15:10,540 --> 00:15:11,540 Sit down. 300 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,620 Oh, I forgot to light the candles. 301 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:32,420 That was real good. 302 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:36,400 I don't believe this. 303 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:38,380 You do this every time. 304 00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:40,060 Eat the food before I sit down. 305 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,980 Well, if I always do it, then why get surprised? 306 00:15:43,820 --> 00:15:44,840 What are you doing? 307 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:46,120 I'm done, thanks. 308 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:47,980 I don't want to eat alone. 309 00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:49,320 Come back! 310 00:15:55,900 --> 00:15:56,900 Let's talk. 311 00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:58,160 I'll start. 312 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:04,720 Carol and I went to Bullock's, and you won't believe what we saw. 313 00:16:26,070 --> 00:16:27,890 Frosted eyeshadow is back. 314 00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:31,770 It's your turn now. 315 00:16:33,470 --> 00:16:35,650 Mike, it isn't as good for crotch rot, too. 316 00:16:39,210 --> 00:16:40,210 Your turn. 317 00:16:41,390 --> 00:16:43,430 Jack, please, I'm still eating. 318 00:16:44,070 --> 00:16:45,310 Of course you're still eating. 319 00:16:45,350 --> 00:16:49,130 That's because you cut everything up into little tiny teeny pieces. 320 00:16:49,470 --> 00:16:51,130 Who the hell cuts peas in half? 321 00:16:52,950 --> 00:16:54,850 What's with the three piles of food? 322 00:16:55,150 --> 00:16:58,690 You know I like my flavors to be distinct and in a certain order. 323 00:16:58,930 --> 00:17:00,090 You have a problem with that? 324 00:17:00,170 --> 00:17:01,170 No, it's fine. 325 00:17:01,210 --> 00:17:02,270 I hate that word, fine. 326 00:17:02,850 --> 00:17:04,770 Every time I ask you how I look, you say fine. 327 00:17:05,770 --> 00:17:06,390 What's wrong with fine? 328 00:17:06,510 --> 00:17:07,090 Fine's fine. 329 00:17:07,530 --> 00:17:09,410 Fine is what you say about your grandmother. 330 00:17:09,750 --> 00:17:10,470 Don't move her. 331 00:17:10,490 --> 00:17:11,490 She looks fine. 332 00:17:16,430 --> 00:17:17,490 What are you doing? 333 00:17:18,410 --> 00:17:20,030 You ate my last bite of potatoes. 334 00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:20,990 I thought you were done. 335 00:17:21,210 --> 00:17:22,010 I wasn't done. 336 00:17:22,070 --> 00:17:23,110 I was saving that. 337 00:17:23,330 --> 00:17:25,350 That was supposed to be my last flavor. 338 00:17:25,750 --> 00:17:26,750 Huh? 339 00:17:29,910 --> 00:17:32,610 Potato is my favorite flavor. 340 00:17:33,550 --> 00:17:35,350 You know I like to end with that. 341 00:17:35,810 --> 00:17:38,450 It was gonna be meat, peas, potato. 342 00:17:40,550 --> 00:17:42,770 Now I have to end with peas. 343 00:17:43,570 --> 00:17:44,630 You've ruined everything. 344 00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:50,700 So then you're not gonna eat those peas? 345 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:54,680 Good God. 346 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:57,000 It's no wonder we're getting a divorce. 347 00:17:57,060 --> 00:17:58,380 We can't even get through dinner. 348 00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:02,560 Which I slaved over all day and you haven't even told me how you like it. 349 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:03,000 It was fine. 350 00:18:03,001 --> 00:18:03,900 I hate you. 351 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:04,260 I hate you. 352 00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:05,320 I hate you. 353 00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:11,580 Let's just settle this divorce and get ourselves out of our misery. 354 00:18:11,980 --> 00:18:12,420 Fine. 355 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:13,480 Fine. 356 00:18:14,740 --> 00:18:15,740 Okay. 357 00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:17,960 How many days would you like to see the kids? 358 00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:19,140 One. 359 00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,360 In your dreams, pal. 360 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:28,820 You'll see them three. 361 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:29,600 Fine. 362 00:18:29,740 --> 00:18:30,180 Four. 363 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:31,280 I'm sorry. 364 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:34,160 That's better. 365 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:37,420 And you don't have to pay for my manicures and pedicures. 366 00:18:37,460 --> 00:18:39,840 I'll just take that out of the child support. 367 00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:43,080 You really patted it, didn't you? 368 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:44,160 Yeah. 369 00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:46,400 Well, alright. 370 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:50,160 I'll officially sign over the car to you, but not the house. 371 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:52,400 Well, what about items A through G? 372 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:53,040 Yeah, sure. 373 00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:53,580 You can have them. 374 00:18:53,620 --> 00:18:54,040 Whatever you want. 375 00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:55,220 Good. 376 00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:57,820 Well, that's it. 377 00:18:58,620 --> 00:18:59,620 Thank God. 378 00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:02,160 It's the last anniversary we'll have to endure. 379 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,600 The last one that I'll have to remember. 380 00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:06,940 You didn't remember this one, did you? 381 00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:07,220 No. 382 00:19:07,221 --> 00:19:08,221 No, I didn't. 383 00:19:09,020 --> 00:19:11,280 But I do remember our honeymoon night. 384 00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:14,280 Girl, you did some screaming that night. 385 00:19:15,740 --> 00:19:19,280 Well, it wasn't the best night to suggest a threesome. 386 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:25,740 I was only thinking of you. 387 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,191 I thought you might be more comfortable just 388 00:19:29,192 --> 00:19:32,121 watching you being pregnant with Ryan or not. 389 00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:38,220 Besides, I didn't want to take a chance poking a little guy's eye out. 390 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,940 Oh, believe me. 391 00:19:43,380 --> 00:19:45,280 He was in no danger. 392 00:19:47,860 --> 00:19:52,840 Well, all we have to do is sign this and we're officially over. 393 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:54,160 Yep. 394 00:19:57,260 --> 00:19:57,740 Okay. 395 00:19:57,741 --> 00:19:59,040 Here's to the end of us. 396 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:08,116 You know, I think you should really pay for my manicures and pedicures. 397 00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:10,660 Hey, I want it in writing that half those eight tracks are mine. 398 00:20:10,860 --> 00:20:12,040 You greedy animal! 399 00:20:13,100 --> 00:20:15,180 We are obviously not going to solve anything tonight. 400 00:20:15,220 --> 00:20:15,620 Get out! 401 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:16,320 Fine! 402 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:17,440 Fine! 403 00:20:18,220 --> 00:20:18,620 Fine! 404 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:19,960 Fine! 405 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:21,000 Fine! 406 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:22,240 Fine! 407 00:20:30,590 --> 00:20:31,590 Drop dead. 408 00:20:31,690 --> 00:20:32,690 Bite me. 409 00:20:41,010 --> 00:20:42,010 Thanks. 410 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:50,580 Well, I'm home. 411 00:20:51,460 --> 00:20:52,580 Talk to the mop! 412 00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:55,640 Come on. 413 00:20:55,740 --> 00:20:56,840 Don't be that way. 414 00:20:57,200 --> 00:21:00,560 How dare you come in here reeking of her meatloaf? 415 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,200 She got us a present. 416 00:21:04,500 --> 00:21:06,060 Oh, I love presents! 417 00:21:06,180 --> 00:21:06,760 What is it? 418 00:21:06,780 --> 00:21:07,180 What is it? 419 00:21:07,460 --> 00:21:08,680 It's a VCR. 420 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:10,080 Oh, God! 421 00:21:10,180 --> 00:21:11,180 The irony! 422 00:21:11,740 --> 00:21:13,520 Please let it have a remote control. 423 00:21:13,620 --> 00:21:13,880 Please! 424 00:21:14,220 --> 00:21:15,000 Oh, come on. 425 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:15,820 Don't be stupid. 426 00:21:15,980 --> 00:21:17,980 You know they all have a remote control nowadays. 427 00:21:23,900 --> 00:21:24,900 Isn't this great? 428 00:21:26,180 --> 00:21:27,180 Terrific! 429 00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:29,320 Fantastic! 430 00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:35,360 Pretty soon you guys won't need me at all, will you? 431 00:21:43,450 --> 00:21:43,790 Found it! 432 00:21:44,210 --> 00:21:46,730 Dear Unhappily Ever After, I'm confused. 433 00:21:47,030 --> 00:21:49,230 I noticed in your credits you have a puppeteer. 434 00:21:49,270 --> 00:21:51,010 I didn't notice any puppets on your show. 435 00:21:51,170 --> 00:21:51,790 What gives? 436 00:21:52,050 --> 00:21:54,430 Ellen D., M.D., Hollywood, California. 437 00:21:54,910 --> 00:21:57,732 Well, Dr. Ellen, actually Ross, the youngest 438 00:21:57,733 --> 00:22:00,750 son, is really an expensive animatronic puppet. 439 00:22:00,970 --> 00:22:03,210 Much like Whoopi Goldberg in The Color Purple. 440 00:22:03,610 --> 00:22:05,210 You're a very astute viewer. 441 00:22:05,430 --> 00:22:07,790 Keep drinking beer and watching the WB. 442 00:22:07,910 --> 00:22:09,150 We need people like you. 442 00:22:10,305 --> 00:23:10,476 Do you want subtitles for any video? -=[ ai.OpenSubtitles.com ]=-