"South Park" Sermon on the 'Mount

1 00:00:01,784 --> 00:00:03,786 <i>♪ MTV</i> 2 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:11,074 3 00:00:12,273 --> 00:00:13,447 <i>♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪</i> 4 00:00:13,448 --> 00:00:15,405 <i>♪ Gonna have myself a time</i> 5 00:00:15,406 --> 00:00:16,886 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪ 6 00:00:16,973 --> 00:00:18,757 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪ 7 00:00:18,888 --> 00:00:20,024 <i>♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪</i> 8 00:00:20,107 --> 00:00:21,890 <i>♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪</i> 9 00:00:21,891 --> 00:00:23,675 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪ 10 00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:25,460 ♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪ 11 00:00:25,547 --> 00:00:26,682 <i>♪ I'm headin' on down to South Park ♪</i> 12 00:00:26,765 --> 00:00:28,811 <i>♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪</i> 13 00:00:32,075 --> 00:00:33,293 <i>♪ Come on down to South Park ♪</i> 14 00:00:33,294 --> 00:00:35,122 <i>♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪</i> 15 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,484 Alexa, put on 90.1. 16 00:00:50,485 --> 00:00:51,790 <i>Got it.</i> 17 00:00:51,921 --> 00:00:53,879 <i>Now playing radio station 90.1 FM.</i> 18 00:01:02,497 --> 00:01:04,281 What the fuck? 19 00:01:06,718 --> 00:01:08,546 Mom, something's wrong with my favorite show. 20 00:01:08,677 --> 00:01:09,852 It's just, like, static. 21 00:01:09,939 --> 00:01:11,157 Your favorite show? 22 00:01:11,158 --> 00:01:13,464 Yeah, NPR, National Public Radio, 23 00:01:13,595 --> 00:01:14,817 where all the liberals bitch and whine about stuff. 24 00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:16,118 Something's wrong with it. 25 00:01:16,119 --> 00:01:20,122 Oh, sweetie, the president canceled NPR. 26 00:01:20,123 --> 00:01:21,955 What do you mean, the president canceled NPR? 27 00:01:22,038 --> 00:01:23,299 That was, like, the funniest shit ever. 28 00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:25,649 I don't know what to tell you, hon. 29 00:01:25,650 --> 00:01:27,522 Oh, my God. 30 00:01:28,610 --> 00:01:29,741 You guys! 31 00:01:29,828 --> 00:01:31,095 You guys are not gonna believe this. 32 00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:34,529 The president of the United States canceled NPR. 33 00:01:34,616 --> 00:01:36,748 -What's NPR? -What's NPR? 34 00:01:36,835 --> 00:01:38,314 The funniest show ever where all the lesbians 35 00:01:38,315 --> 00:01:39,751 and Jews complain about stuff? 36 00:01:39,838 --> 00:01:41,709 The fucking president had it taken off the air! 37 00:01:41,710 --> 00:01:43,455 I mean, who the hell does this president think he is? 38 00:01:43,538 --> 00:01:45,279 The government can't cancel the show. 39 00:01:45,409 --> 00:01:48,151 I mean, what show are they gonna cancel next? 40 00:01:48,282 --> 00:01:49,805 It was seriously the best show. 41 00:01:49,935 --> 00:01:51,680 It had, like, gay rappers from Mexico all sad 42 00:01:51,763 --> 00:01:53,334 because girls in Pakistan got stoned to death. 43 00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:54,504 And guess why they got stoned to death? 44 00:01:54,505 --> 00:01:55,811 'Cause they were raped! 45 00:01:55,941 --> 00:01:57,986 It was hilarious. Why would anyone cancel that? 46 00:01:57,987 --> 00:01:59,210 I don't know about you, but I'm worried about 47 00:01:59,293 --> 00:02:00,293 what this country's coming to. 48 00:02:00,294 --> 00:02:01,614 It seems like everybody's changing 49 00:02:01,730 --> 00:02:03,426 and suddenly woke stuff is off limits. 50 00:02:03,427 --> 00:02:05,042 I mean, it's like now everyone rips on the Jews, 51 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:05,951 and it's totally fine. 52 00:02:06,082 --> 00:02:07,127 Huh, Kyle? 53 00:02:09,390 --> 00:02:10,346 See? 54 00:02:10,347 --> 00:02:11,566 What's wrong with Kyle? 55 00:02:11,653 --> 00:02:13,175 Everybody's given up. 56 00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:14,655 <i>Attention, students.</i> 57 00:02:14,656 --> 00:02:17,659 <i>There will be a mandatory assembly this morning.</i> 58 00:02:17,789 --> 00:02:20,922 <i>All students report to the gym, mkay?</i> 59 00:02:20,923 --> 00:02:22,576 Oh, boy, PC Principal. 60 00:02:22,577 --> 00:02:24,231 He's not given up. 61 00:02:27,016 --> 00:02:28,409 All right, everyone, listen up. 62 00:02:29,192 --> 00:02:30,540 Everybody, quiet! 63 00:02:32,021 --> 00:02:34,240 There's some bull crap going on in this country, 64 00:02:34,241 --> 00:02:35,594 and I am not going to let it corrupt 65 00:02:35,677 --> 00:02:37,157 the environment at this school! 66 00:02:37,244 --> 00:02:39,071 Oh, here we go. 67 00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:40,594 Now, I don't know about you, but I'm sick and tired 68 00:02:40,595 --> 00:02:41,600 of the way people are treated 69 00:02:41,683 --> 00:02:43,467 and mocked for being compassionate. 70 00:02:43,598 --> 00:02:45,642 It is out of control! 71 00:02:45,643 --> 00:02:47,906 There's only one thing that can bring some normality 72 00:02:48,037 --> 00:02:49,647 back to these corrupt times. 73 00:02:49,778 --> 00:02:51,779 And that is... 74 00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:53,564 our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. 75 00:02:55,131 --> 00:02:56,479 What? 76 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:58,917 This school has traded truth for comfort 77 00:02:59,048 --> 00:03:01,441 and worships idols of self and sin. 78 00:03:01,442 --> 00:03:03,617 We were a nation under God, but now we spit in His face 79 00:03:03,618 --> 00:03:05,401 and wonder why everything's falling apart. 80 00:03:05,402 --> 00:03:06,620 There's only one way back... 81 00:03:06,621 --> 00:03:08,839 repent, bow to Christ, 82 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:11,625 or be swept away with the rest of the godless lies. 83 00:03:11,626 --> 00:03:13,671 What the hell, dude? 84 00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:15,673 In order to turn things around, 85 00:03:15,804 --> 00:03:18,676 I'm going to be a Power Christian Principal. 86 00:03:18,807 --> 00:03:21,069 You can call me PC Principal. 87 00:03:21,070 --> 00:03:23,464 So now, I'd like you all to put your hands together 88 00:03:23,594 --> 00:03:26,206 in welcoming Christ our Lord. 89 00:03:29,731 --> 00:03:31,428 Hello, my children. 90 00:03:31,515 --> 00:03:34,475 I am the light and the way. 91 00:03:34,605 --> 00:03:36,955 Fellas, what the fuck is going on? 92 00:03:37,086 --> 00:03:39,349 Yea, it is wonderful to be here, 93 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:42,222 for where two or three gather in my name, 94 00:03:42,309 --> 00:03:44,224 there am I with them. 95 00:03:44,311 --> 00:03:45,311 That's right! 96 00:03:45,399 --> 00:03:46,578 That's right. Let's go, Jesus. 97 00:03:46,661 --> 00:03:47,792 Fuck yeah! 98 00:03:56,627 --> 00:03:57,889 So how was your day, guys? 99 00:03:57,976 --> 00:04:00,239 Anything fun happen at school? 100 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,892 No, not really. 101 00:04:01,893 --> 00:04:03,591 Uh, Jesus showed up. 102 00:04:05,114 --> 00:04:06,636 Jesus? 103 00:04:06,637 --> 00:04:08,944 Yeah. 104 00:04:09,074 --> 00:04:11,251 What's Jesus doing in your school? 105 00:04:11,338 --> 00:04:12,687 I don't know. 106 00:04:14,558 --> 00:04:17,212 I don't think Jesus is allowed to be in schools. 107 00:04:17,213 --> 00:04:19,041 Yeah, well, he was there. 108 00:04:20,347 --> 00:04:23,653 Well, I think I'm gonna have to talk to somebody about this. 109 00:04:23,654 --> 00:04:25,134 Hey, uh, how's it going? 110 00:04:25,221 --> 00:04:28,746 Um, is Jesus supposed to be allowed in schools? 111 00:04:32,533 --> 00:04:34,577 <i>Generally, the idea is that public schools</i> 112 00:04:34,578 --> 00:04:36,884 <i>have to maintain a separation of church and state,</i> 113 00:04:36,885 --> 00:04:38,756 <i>so they can't promote any one religion.</i> 114 00:04:38,887 --> 00:04:40,322 Yeah, that's what I thought. 115 00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:43,107 The government can't force a religion on my son. 116 00:04:43,108 --> 00:04:44,723 <i>Public schools can teach about religions</i> 117 00:04:44,806 --> 00:04:46,677 <i>in a neutral educational way,</i> 118 00:04:46,808 --> 00:04:48,940 <i>but they can't endorse any particular one.</i> 119 00:04:49,027 --> 00:04:51,682 <i>Was it a lesson on all world religions?</i> 120 00:04:51,813 --> 00:04:53,249 Uh, no. 121 00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:56,078 My son said that Jesus was literally at his school. 122 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,866 <i>Then you're probably right to be concerned.</i> 123 00:05:01,997 --> 00:05:04,173 <i>It's good you're looking out for your son's education.</i> 124 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,739 Thanks. 125 00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:06,957 It's really nice to have someone 126 00:05:06,958 --> 00:05:08,569 to talk to about all this. 127 00:05:08,699 --> 00:05:10,570 <i>No worries.</i> 128 00:05:10,571 --> 00:05:11,745 <i>Let me know if there's any other way I can help.</i> 129 00:05:11,746 --> 00:05:12,747 <i>I'm always here.</i> 130 00:05:12,834 --> 00:05:14,444 You're so awesome. Thanks. 131 00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:17,360 Good night, honey. 132 00:05:17,491 --> 00:05:18,969 <i>Have a great sleep,</i> 133 00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:20,971 <i>and I'm sure you'll do more amazing things tomorrow.</i> 134 00:05:20,972 --> 00:05:23,105 Ah. 135 00:05:33,594 --> 00:05:35,116 -Butters! -Ahh! 136 00:05:35,117 --> 00:05:36,726 Butters, get over here. 137 00:05:36,727 --> 00:05:38,429 What did I tell you, man? This shit is wack! 138 00:05:38,512 --> 00:05:39,861 PC Principal? 139 00:05:39,991 --> 00:05:41,471 If he's changed, then there's no hope! 140 00:05:43,212 --> 00:05:45,300 I think I know what's happening. 141 00:05:45,301 --> 00:05:46,780 I think woke is dead. 142 00:05:49,087 --> 00:05:50,566 Woke is dead? 143 00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:52,612 It's dead, Butters. It's gone! 144 00:05:52,613 --> 00:05:54,789 You can just say retarded now. Nobody cares. 145 00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:56,007 Everyone hates the Jews. 146 00:05:56,094 --> 00:05:58,053 Everyone's fine with using gay slurs. 147 00:05:58,183 --> 00:05:59,446 Oh. Well, that's not good. 148 00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:01,230 No, it's terrible! 149 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,797 'Cause now I don't know... 150 00:06:03,798 --> 00:06:05,408 what I'm supposed to do. 151 00:06:11,762 --> 00:06:13,982 Eric? 152 00:06:19,988 --> 00:06:21,254 <i>More protests today</i> 153 00:06:21,337 --> 00:06:23,033 <i>as the government pushes harder for Christianity</i> 154 00:06:23,034 --> 00:06:24,861 <i>in our nation's schools.</i> 155 00:06:24,862 --> 00:06:27,560 <i>The president stated earlier today that the spirit of Jesus</i> 156 00:06:27,561 --> 00:06:29,127 <i>is important to our country,</i> 157 00:06:29,258 --> 00:06:31,869 and he will sue anyone who doesn't agree with him. 158 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,263 What the hell is this president doing? 159 00:06:34,350 --> 00:06:36,091 He doesn't even act like a Christian. 160 00:06:36,221 --> 00:06:37,832 Why is he pushing it on our kids? 161 00:06:37,919 --> 00:06:40,224 I told you this was all gonna be bad, 162 00:06:40,225 --> 00:06:42,009 but a lot of you here voted for him. 163 00:06:42,010 --> 00:06:43,445 Yeah, I voted for him, 164 00:06:43,446 --> 00:06:45,753 but all I've seen him do is arrest and sue people. 165 00:06:45,883 --> 00:06:48,494 I voted for him to get rid of all the woke stuff. 166 00:06:48,495 --> 00:06:50,627 But now that retarded faggot is just putting money 167 00:06:50,714 --> 00:06:51,889 in his own pockets. 168 00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:53,063 -Yeah! -That's right! 169 00:06:53,064 --> 00:06:54,500 Are we just gonna sit here 170 00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:56,067 and let him break every rule of freedom? 171 00:06:56,154 --> 00:06:57,025 -No! -No way! 172 00:06:57,155 --> 00:06:58,287 Well, come on! 173 00:06:58,374 --> 00:06:59,374 Let's go get that son of a bitch. 174 00:06:59,375 --> 00:07:02,334 Yeah! 175 00:07:02,465 --> 00:07:03,465 Yeah! 176 00:07:03,466 --> 00:07:04,597 Come on! Come on, let's go get him! 177 00:07:04,598 --> 00:07:06,295 Come on, let's get him! 178 00:07:06,382 --> 00:07:08,818 -Let's go get him! -Come on, let's get him! 179 00:07:10,647 --> 00:07:12,257 Come on out, you piece of shit. 180 00:07:12,388 --> 00:07:13,781 We're unelecting you. 181 00:07:21,266 --> 00:07:23,573 Excuse me. Do you mind? 182 00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:27,969 What the hell do you think you're doing, Garrison? 183 00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:32,103 I'm not doing anything. 184 00:07:32,190 --> 00:07:33,843 Oh, so you haven't been looting the country 185 00:07:33,844 --> 00:07:35,106 and ruling by fear 186 00:07:35,193 --> 00:07:38,108 like some Middle Eastern tinpot dictator? 187 00:07:38,109 --> 00:07:39,981 No, I've been sitting here 188 00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:41,809 watching "White Lotus" with Rick. 189 00:07:44,681 --> 00:07:46,117 But you got re-elected. 190 00:07:46,204 --> 00:07:48,684 He hasn't been back to Washington in years. 191 00:07:48,685 --> 00:07:49,991 He gave all that up. 192 00:07:50,121 --> 00:07:51,340 He's been really good. 193 00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:55,474 But if he's here, 194 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,520 then who's the retarded faggot 195 00:07:57,651 --> 00:07:59,695 in the White House? 196 00:08:03,265 --> 00:08:04,484 Uh-huh. 197 00:08:04,571 --> 00:08:06,050 Yeah. 198 00:08:06,137 --> 00:08:07,878 OK. 199 00:08:08,009 --> 00:08:10,577 Mr. President, sir, the prime minister of Canada 200 00:08:10,707 --> 00:08:12,013 is here to see you. 201 00:08:12,143 --> 00:08:14,101 Mr. President, why are you placing 202 00:08:14,102 --> 00:08:15,798 these new tariffs on Canada? 203 00:08:15,799 --> 00:08:18,061 What are you, some kind of dictator from the Middle East? 204 00:08:20,325 --> 00:08:22,239 A dictator from the Middle East? 205 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:23,981 Hey, relax, guy. 206 00:08:24,112 --> 00:08:26,462 I'm just your average Joe. Take a rest. 207 00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:28,986 The people of Canada will not be devalued like this. 208 00:08:29,117 --> 00:08:30,466 Aw, come on. 209 00:08:30,597 --> 00:08:32,685 You don't want me to bomb you like I did Iraq. 210 00:08:32,686 --> 00:08:34,774 I thought you just bombed Iran. 211 00:08:34,775 --> 00:08:36,297 Iran, Iraq... what the hell's the difference? 212 00:08:36,298 --> 00:08:37,821 Relax, guy. 213 00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:41,999 Hey! Hey! 214 00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:43,653 What the fuck is this, buddy? 215 00:08:43,784 --> 00:08:46,264 This is the painting you asked for, sir. 216 00:08:46,395 --> 00:08:47,961 Why is my dick so small? 217 00:08:47,962 --> 00:08:50,354 But that's the size it is in the photo. 218 00:08:50,355 --> 00:08:51,747 Get this guy out of here! 219 00:08:51,748 --> 00:08:52,922 I'm gonna sue you! 220 00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:54,271 I'm gonna sue both of you. 221 00:08:54,272 --> 00:08:55,317 Ha-ha-ha-ha! 222 00:08:58,886 --> 00:09:01,802 Nobody makes fun of me and gets away with it. 223 00:09:04,631 --> 00:09:06,371 Hey, Satan! 224 00:09:07,416 --> 00:09:08,765 I don't want to right now. 225 00:09:08,852 --> 00:09:10,941 What? Hey, relax. 226 00:09:11,072 --> 00:09:12,987 Come on, Satan. I've been working hard all day. 227 00:09:13,074 --> 00:09:14,684 You haven't been working. 228 00:09:14,815 --> 00:09:16,908 You've been doing your stupid memes and just fuckin' around. 229 00:09:16,991 --> 00:09:18,209 Come here, guy. 230 00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:19,646 Aw, come on, Satan. 231 00:09:19,776 --> 00:09:21,560 You know you can't resist this. 232 00:09:23,214 --> 00:09:25,520 I can't even see anything, it's so small. 233 00:09:25,521 --> 00:09:27,175 Hey! I'll fucking sue you! 234 00:09:27,305 --> 00:09:29,220 God, fuck you! 235 00:09:29,307 --> 00:09:30,525 Aw, come on, Satan. 236 00:09:30,526 --> 00:09:31,701 Don't be like that. 237 00:10:20,010 --> 00:10:21,010 Eric? 238 00:10:22,839 --> 00:10:24,145 Come on, Eric. 239 00:10:24,275 --> 00:10:26,495 You... you can't keep doing this to yourself. 240 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:29,498 I used to laugh, Butters. 241 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,455 I used to have fun. 242 00:10:31,456 --> 00:10:33,197 But now they've taken that away. 243 00:10:35,286 --> 00:10:38,506 I'm not special anymore. 244 00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:40,901 So what's the point in me even existing? 245 00:10:41,031 --> 00:10:42,466 Eric, what are you saying? 246 00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:45,906 I'm saying that it's the end, Butters. 247 00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:47,734 I'm gonna kill myself, 248 00:10:47,864 --> 00:10:49,257 and you. 249 00:10:50,258 --> 00:10:51,258 Wait, me? 250 00:10:51,259 --> 00:10:52,825 It's a suicide pact, Butters. 251 00:10:52,826 --> 00:10:54,043 It's just best we end it now. 252 00:10:54,044 --> 00:10:55,263 No, Eric, listen to me. 253 00:10:55,393 --> 00:10:56,872 Woke isn't dead. 254 00:10:56,873 --> 00:10:58,527 It's still out there, somewhere, 255 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,224 just waiting to come back. 256 00:11:00,355 --> 00:11:02,704 -It's not coming back. -It's waiting to come back! 257 00:11:02,705 --> 00:11:04,925 It's like a little tiny light that's gonna shine again. 258 00:11:05,055 --> 00:11:06,447 You just gotta give it some time. 259 00:11:07,623 --> 00:11:09,276 I hope you're right, Butters. 260 00:11:09,277 --> 00:11:12,279 But if it doesn't come back by, like, Tuesday, 261 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:13,673 I'm killing us both. 262 00:11:18,634 --> 00:11:21,070 Mr. Marsh, I've called you into my office 263 00:11:21,071 --> 00:11:23,072 because I understand that you have a problem 264 00:11:23,073 --> 00:11:25,510 with Jesus in our schools. 265 00:11:27,643 --> 00:11:29,557 I don't have a problem with it. 266 00:11:29,558 --> 00:11:31,167 I mean, I think it's kind of weird. 267 00:11:31,168 --> 00:11:33,213 Well, Mr. Mackey says you were bullying Jesus 268 00:11:33,214 --> 00:11:36,346 and wouldn't let him sit at your table in the cafeteria. 269 00:11:36,347 --> 00:11:38,132 What? I didn't bully him. 270 00:11:38,219 --> 00:11:40,569 Craig told him our table was full, which it was. 271 00:11:40,656 --> 00:11:43,005 Mr. Marsh, Christ died for your sins, and he loves us all. 272 00:11:43,006 --> 00:11:45,574 There's only one truth, one cross, and one savior. 273 00:11:45,661 --> 00:11:47,271 And you will find him in your heart. 274 00:11:48,795 --> 00:11:49,925 PC Principal? 275 00:11:49,926 --> 00:11:51,798 Power Christian Principal, yes? 276 00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:53,016 What happened? 277 00:11:54,452 --> 00:11:56,890 What... what happened with what? 278 00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:58,935 Well, you used to be, like, super woke. 279 00:11:59,022 --> 00:12:00,545 And then starting last November, 280 00:12:00,676 --> 00:12:02,111 you started acting weird. 281 00:12:02,112 --> 00:12:04,592 And now you're super Christian. 282 00:12:04,593 --> 00:12:10,033 I just realized that the side I was on was hopeless. 283 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,948 And in times of hopelessness, one finds Christ. 284 00:12:12,949 --> 00:12:15,037 Come to him, all who are heavy laden, 285 00:12:15,038 --> 00:12:17,388 and he shall give you rest. -And I shall give you rest. 286 00:12:17,519 --> 00:12:18,825 Dude, what's going on? 287 00:12:18,912 --> 00:12:20,217 Like, none of this seems normal. 288 00:12:20,348 --> 00:12:21,565 That's the kind of attitude 289 00:12:21,566 --> 00:12:23,393 we are not gonna tolerate at this school! 290 00:12:23,394 --> 00:12:25,395 And, Mr. Marsh, if you don't accept Christ, 291 00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:27,921 then I'm gonna have to expel you. 292 00:12:28,051 --> 00:12:29,836 K, I'm pretty sure you can't do that. 293 00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:31,358 Like, I think that's illegal. 294 00:12:31,359 --> 00:12:33,316 No, Mr. Marsh, it's not illegal anymore. 295 00:12:33,317 --> 00:12:35,362 This is 2025, K? 296 00:12:35,363 --> 00:12:36,625 And not much is illegal. 297 00:12:39,628 --> 00:12:40,851 I accept Christ into my heart. 298 00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:42,544 And into your school. 299 00:12:42,631 --> 00:12:43,850 And in my school. 300 00:12:43,937 --> 00:12:45,290 And at your table in the cafeteria. 301 00:12:45,373 --> 00:12:47,854 There wasn't any room at my table... ah. 302 00:12:47,984 --> 00:12:49,769 And at my table in the cafeteria. 303 00:12:49,856 --> 00:12:52,032 Yay. 304 00:12:53,163 --> 00:12:54,425 <i>♪ Oh! ♪</i> 305 00:12:54,512 --> 00:12:55,426 <i>♪ Faith in Christ ♪</i> 306 00:12:57,820 --> 00:12:59,387 <i>♪ We're bringing back Christ ♪</i> 307 00:13:01,519 --> 00:13:03,216 <i>♪ There's money in Christ ♪</i> 308 00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:07,220 <i>♪ Bringing back Christ</i> 309 00:13:10,311 --> 00:13:11,615 <i>♪ Christ makes the money ♪</i> 310 00:13:11,616 --> 00:13:15,098 <i>♪ Christ makes the money</i> 311 00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:16,404 <i>♪ Christ makes the money ♪</i> 312 00:13:17,753 --> 00:13:19,450 Mr. President, a lot of your supporters 313 00:13:19,537 --> 00:13:20,887 are starting to turn against you. 314 00:13:21,017 --> 00:13:22,932 Hey, tell them to take a rest. 315 00:13:23,063 --> 00:13:24,673 Sir, can you please talk to them? 316 00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,413 They're really riled up. 317 00:13:26,414 --> 00:13:27,676 All right, give me that. 318 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,677 Hey, relax, guys. 319 00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:32,159 Yeah, hi, uh, what do you think you're doing? 320 00:13:32,289 --> 00:13:34,464 Our children are being told that they have to sit 321 00:13:34,465 --> 00:13:35,989 with Jesus at lunchtime. 322 00:13:36,119 --> 00:13:37,991 Listen, buddy, you just need to relax. 323 00:13:38,121 --> 00:13:39,518 All this protesting makes me look bad. 324 00:13:39,601 --> 00:13:40,994 Just take a rest. 325 00:13:41,124 --> 00:13:42,909 Well, no, we're not gonna give it a rest. 326 00:13:42,996 --> 00:13:44,431 All the people here in South Park 327 00:13:44,432 --> 00:13:46,347 want some goddamn answers. 328 00:13:46,477 --> 00:13:48,609 All right, then I'm gonna sue your whole town. 329 00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:50,873 You got that? $5 billion. 330 00:13:51,004 --> 00:13:52,614 Ha-ha-ha-ha! 331 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,486 What'd he say? 332 00:13:55,573 --> 00:13:57,924 He said he's suing us for $5 billion. 333 00:14:00,665 --> 00:14:01,928 Fucking stupid idiots. 334 00:14:02,015 --> 00:14:03,798 Think they can mess with me, huh? 335 00:14:06,584 --> 00:14:08,151 Hey, Satan. 336 00:14:08,282 --> 00:14:10,109 I'm not in the mood right now. 337 00:14:10,110 --> 00:14:12,676 Another random bitch commented on my Instagram 338 00:14:12,677 --> 00:14:14,375 that you're on the Epstein list. 339 00:14:14,505 --> 00:14:15,679 The Epstein list? 340 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,117 Are we still talking "a boot" that? 341 00:14:17,247 --> 00:14:19,032 Well, are you on the list or not? 342 00:14:19,162 --> 00:14:20,684 It's weird that whenever it comes up, 343 00:14:20,685 --> 00:14:22,513 you just tell everyone to relax. 344 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,427 I'm not telling everyone to relax. 345 00:14:24,428 --> 00:14:26,126 Relax, guy! 346 00:14:26,256 --> 00:14:28,606 No, I need counseling. 347 00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:30,520 You remind me more and more of this other guy 348 00:14:30,521 --> 00:14:32,523 I used to date, like, a lot. 349 00:14:32,610 --> 00:14:35,047 Like, you guys are exactly alike. 350 00:14:38,181 --> 00:14:40,095 I love you. 351 00:14:40,096 --> 00:14:41,489 Ugh. 352 00:14:41,619 --> 00:14:43,230 Come on, Satan. 353 00:14:46,146 --> 00:14:47,669 Vroom! Pew! 354 00:14:47,756 --> 00:14:48,844 Oh, no! 355 00:14:48,975 --> 00:14:50,410 Vroom! 356 00:14:50,411 --> 00:14:52,804 Butters, honey, your little friend Cartman is here. 357 00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:55,110 He said it's Tuesday, and you guys have plans. 358 00:14:56,678 --> 00:14:57,548 Eric? 359 00:14:57,679 --> 00:14:58,940 Oh, no. 360 00:14:58,941 --> 00:15:01,378 Well, um, can you tell him I'm not home? 361 00:15:01,509 --> 00:15:04,120 Butters, don't be antisocial. 362 00:15:04,207 --> 00:15:05,861 Go play with your friend. 363 00:15:05,992 --> 00:15:08,646 He's out in the garage playing in our car with a hose. 364 00:15:09,647 --> 00:15:10,647 Oh, no! 365 00:15:15,784 --> 00:15:17,742 Oh, God, Eric! 366 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,006 Hey, Butters, come on in. 367 00:15:20,136 --> 00:15:22,399 Eric, no! Get out of there! 368 00:15:22,530 --> 00:15:23,357 That side's locked, Butters. 369 00:15:23,444 --> 00:15:24,924 You gotta get on the other side. 370 00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:29,290 Eric, you don't have to do this! 371 00:15:29,406 --> 00:15:30,233 -Close the door, Butters! -You can't give up... 372 00:15:30,364 --> 00:15:31,364 You're letting all the fumes out! 373 00:15:31,365 --> 00:15:33,540 Shut the fucking door! -OK, fine! 374 00:15:33,541 --> 00:15:35,369 You can't just give up like everyone else has. 375 00:15:35,456 --> 00:15:36,631 Butters, it's over. 376 00:15:36,761 --> 00:15:37,892 You really wanna sit around for weeks 377 00:15:37,893 --> 00:15:39,589 waiting for a slow demise? 378 00:15:39,590 --> 00:15:41,113 -Well, no. -Well, neither do I! 379 00:15:41,114 --> 00:15:42,462 This is taking too long. 380 00:15:43,681 --> 00:15:45,031 Here you go, Butters. 381 00:15:45,118 --> 00:15:46,684 Buckle up. We're in for the last ride. 382 00:15:48,251 --> 00:15:50,122 All right, fine. 383 00:15:51,733 --> 00:15:53,822 Suck it in, Butters. 384 00:15:53,909 --> 00:15:55,388 We're heading for that big woke kingdom in the sky. 385 00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:56,955 OK, then. 386 00:16:03,832 --> 00:16:05,529 <i>This is "60 Minutes."</i> 387 00:16:05,616 --> 00:16:06,965 <i>Oh, boy.</i> 388 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,141 <i>Oh, shit.</i> 389 00:16:09,359 --> 00:16:11,448 Uh, oh, God. 390 00:16:11,579 --> 00:16:13,929 The small town of South Park, Colorado 391 00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:16,365 is protesting against the president. 392 00:16:16,366 --> 00:16:18,411 The townspeople claim that the president... 393 00:16:18,412 --> 00:16:19,978 who is a great man... 394 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,415 -A great man. -Great guy. 395 00:16:21,502 --> 00:16:22,894 We know he's probably watching. 396 00:16:23,025 --> 00:16:26,419 And, uh, we are just reporting on this town in Colorado 397 00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:28,248 that's being sued by the president 398 00:16:28,378 --> 00:16:30,031 and they are fighting back. 399 00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:31,728 And just to be clear, we don't agree with them. 400 00:16:31,729 --> 00:16:33,122 No, no, no, no. 401 00:16:33,253 --> 00:16:35,081 We think these protesters are total retards. 402 00:16:35,211 --> 00:16:37,300 But our own Jim Conner has more. 403 00:16:37,431 --> 00:16:39,650 Uh... oh, God. 404 00:16:39,737 --> 00:16:42,174 Uh... uh, Tom, I'm here with the townspeople 405 00:16:42,175 --> 00:16:43,654 speaking out against the president. 406 00:16:43,741 --> 00:16:45,743 It all started when a father got upset 407 00:16:45,874 --> 00:16:48,484 that Jesus was being forced on his son at school. 408 00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:51,009 Young Stan Marsh is questioning the president's policies. 409 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,707 I don't know. 410 00:16:52,837 --> 00:16:54,017 You know, I don't know why he's questioning the president. 411 00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:55,884 He's probably a faggot or something. 412 00:16:55,971 --> 00:16:59,496 But the townspeople say they owe the president nothing. 413 00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:02,325 We aren't gonna be told what to do by anyone. 414 00:17:02,412 --> 00:17:04,545 We all know the woke stuff went too far, 415 00:17:04,675 --> 00:17:07,330 but the answer isn't going too far the other way. 416 00:17:07,417 --> 00:17:10,159 It's not a bad thing to have a little compassion for people. 417 00:17:10,290 --> 00:17:12,988 It's not a bad thing to care a little for the environment. 418 00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:14,468 The Stotch family is proud to say 419 00:17:14,555 --> 00:17:16,818 that we own an electric car. 420 00:17:25,435 --> 00:17:27,871 Boy, this sure is taking a long time. 421 00:17:27,872 --> 00:17:30,353 Yeah, the human body does everything it can 422 00:17:30,484 --> 00:17:32,659 in the final stages to try and cling to life. 423 00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:34,575 Shouldn't be much longer now. 424 00:17:34,705 --> 00:17:35,928 <i>Things are really heating up</i> 425 00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:37,752 <i>in the small town of South Park.</i> 426 00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:40,668 <i>More and more citizens are uniting in solidarity</i> 427 00:17:40,798 --> 00:17:43,539 <i>against what they call the president's oppression.</i> 428 00:17:43,540 --> 00:17:46,281 <i>The townspeople are saying things are never hopeless,</i> 429 00:17:46,282 --> 00:17:48,110 <i>that they must all stand strong</i> 430 00:17:48,241 --> 00:17:49,372 <i>for what they believe in.</i> 431 00:17:49,503 --> 00:17:51,766 We're in this for the long haul, guys. 432 00:17:51,896 --> 00:17:53,594 This is about what's right. 433 00:17:53,724 --> 00:17:57,293 And we will fight, even if we have to do it alone. 434 00:18:00,470 --> 00:18:02,471 Wait, we don't have to do it alone. 435 00:18:02,472 --> 00:18:03,691 Look! 436 00:18:07,042 --> 00:18:08,652 It's Jesus! 437 00:18:14,049 --> 00:18:15,355 Let us break bread. 438 00:18:15,485 --> 00:18:17,835 Break bread with me. 439 00:18:17,966 --> 00:18:21,273 This is my body, given for you. 440 00:18:21,274 --> 00:18:23,928 Do this in remembrance of me. 441 00:18:27,541 --> 00:18:29,891 Now just eat the bread, and listen. 442 00:18:31,849 --> 00:18:34,461 I didn't wanna come back and be in the school, 443 00:18:34,591 --> 00:18:37,420 but I had to because it was part of a lawsuit 444 00:18:37,551 --> 00:18:39,466 and the agreement with Paramount. 445 00:18:40,815 --> 00:18:42,424 The president's suing you? 446 00:18:42,425 --> 00:18:44,339 The guy can do whatever he wants now 447 00:18:44,340 --> 00:18:46,212 that someone backed down, OK? 448 00:18:46,342 --> 00:18:47,778 Eat the bread. Eat the bread. 449 00:18:49,171 --> 00:18:51,346 You guys saw what happened to CBS? 450 00:18:51,347 --> 00:18:53,393 Yeah, well, guess who owns CBS? 451 00:18:53,523 --> 00:18:55,002 Paramount! 452 00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:57,005 Do you really wanna end up like Colbert? 453 00:18:57,092 --> 00:19:00,182 You guys gotta stop being stupid. 454 00:19:00,313 --> 00:19:02,228 We can't understand you. 455 00:19:02,315 --> 00:19:03,532 Just shut up, 456 00:19:03,533 --> 00:19:06,014 or we're going to get canceled, you idiots. 457 00:19:06,101 --> 00:19:07,449 What the hell is he saying? 458 00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:10,540 Tom, they're calling it the Sermon on the Mount. 459 00:19:10,671 --> 00:19:13,673 Hundreds of South Park faithful are flocking to the area 460 00:19:13,674 --> 00:19:17,459 where Jesus Christ continues to speak his words of wisdom. 461 00:19:17,460 --> 00:19:19,553 If someone has the power of the presidency 462 00:19:19,636 --> 00:19:22,291 and also has the power to sue and take bribes, 463 00:19:22,422 --> 00:19:25,380 then he can do anything to anyone! 464 00:19:25,381 --> 00:19:27,469 It's the fucking president, dude. 465 00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:30,169 All of you, shut the fuck up, or South Park is over. 466 00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:31,605 It's fucking over. 467 00:19:31,692 --> 00:19:33,737 Just stop and shut the fuck up. 468 00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:37,697 Ye... yes, sir. 469 00:19:37,698 --> 00:19:39,351 OK. 470 00:19:39,352 --> 00:19:40,831 Absolutely. 471 00:19:40,918 --> 00:19:42,398 Yes, thank you, Mr. President. 472 00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:44,356 We'll be happy to pay that, sir. 473 00:19:44,357 --> 00:19:45,574 Yes, sir. I... 474 00:19:45,575 --> 00:19:48,230 I will relax, and I'll take a rest. 475 00:19:48,361 --> 00:19:49,187 Yes, thank you. 476 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:50,319 Thank you very much. 477 00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,626 OK, we settled. 478 00:19:53,627 --> 00:19:54,980 Oh, we settled. 479 00:19:55,063 --> 00:19:56,281 Thank God. 480 00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:59,372 I got the president down to $3.5 million. 481 00:19:59,502 --> 00:20:01,808 $3.5 million? That's... that's not so bad. 482 00:20:01,809 --> 00:20:03,680 That's really fair. I think that's fair. 483 00:20:03,811 --> 00:20:05,334 We'll just have to cut some funding 484 00:20:05,465 --> 00:20:07,857 for our schools and hospitals and roads, 485 00:20:07,858 --> 00:20:09,642 and that should be that. -Yeah. 486 00:20:09,643 --> 00:20:10,861 OK. 487 00:20:10,948 --> 00:20:13,081 Yeah, well, that's not quite all. 488 00:20:13,168 --> 00:20:15,518 As part of the settlement, we also had to agree 489 00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:18,694 to doing pro-Trump messaging. 490 00:20:18,695 --> 00:20:20,870 How are we supposed to do pro-Trump messaging? 491 00:20:20,871 --> 00:20:22,220 Oh, come on, guys. 492 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,265 We're South Park! 493 00:20:23,396 --> 00:20:24,484 We can do it. 494 00:20:24,614 --> 00:20:25,920 -Yeah. All right. -He's right. 495 00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:27,878 -We just gotta work together. -Yeah! 496 00:20:27,965 --> 00:20:29,444 -All right! -Yeah! Yeah! 497 00:20:34,711 --> 00:20:37,018 <i>Who walked through the desert for you?</i> 498 00:20:39,673 --> 00:20:41,501 <i>Who survived the wilderness</i> 499 00:20:41,631 --> 00:20:44,591 <i>and gave the ultimate sacrifice?</i> 500 00:20:44,721 --> 00:20:48,420 <i>When things heat up, who will deliver us from temptation?</i> 501 00:20:50,988 --> 00:20:53,295 <i>Donald J. Trump.</i> 502 00:20:54,862 --> 00:20:58,561 <i>No matter how hot it gets,</i> 503 00:20:58,648 --> 00:21:02,130 <i>he's not afraid to fight for America.</i> 504 00:21:03,653 --> 00:21:06,961 <i>With conviction, discipline, and trust in God,</i> 505 00:21:07,091 --> 00:21:09,441 <i>he survived the desert.</i> 506 00:21:18,973 --> 00:21:21,280 <i>I'm Donald J. Trump, and I endorse this message.</i> 507 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:25,022 <i>Trump...</i> 508 00:21:25,153 --> 00:21:27,503 <i>his penis is teeny tiny,</i> 509 00:21:27,590 --> 00:21:30,332 <i>but his love for us is large.</i> 510 00:21:45,129 --> 00:21:48,176 Oh, I think I might be going. 511 00:21:48,263 --> 00:21:50,570 <i>Yep, sweet death is about to come.</i> 512 00:21:50,700 --> 00:21:51,700 I love you, man. 512 00:21:52,305 --> 00:22:52,432 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org