Happy Gilmore 2

1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE www.osdb.link/lm 2 00:00:45,083 --> 00:00:47,250 My name is Happy Gilmore. 3 00:00:48,375 --> 00:00:51,625 Growing up, I always wanted to be a hockey player. 4 00:00:51,708 --> 00:00:54,583 But then 30 years ago, I picked up a golf club. 5 00:00:57,875 --> 00:00:59,833 Turned out to be a pretty good decision. 6 00:00:59,916 --> 00:01:03,833 And Happy Gilmore wins the 98th U.S. Open. 7 00:01:03,916 --> 00:01:06,958 I got to marry a great lady named Virginia, 8 00:01:07,041 --> 00:01:08,958 and we had a son named Gordy. 9 00:01:09,708 --> 00:01:12,250 The wins didn't always come as expected, 10 00:01:12,333 --> 00:01:14,208 but like Grandma always said, 11 00:01:14,291 --> 00:01:17,250 sometimes it's better to be lucky than good. 12 00:01:18,083 --> 00:01:20,625 Oh, Lord! 13 00:01:20,708 --> 00:01:22,541 I made it! 14 00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:26,250 Yeah, I was getting lucky in more ways than one. 15 00:01:26,333 --> 00:01:28,333 He shoots, he scores! 16 00:01:28,416 --> 00:01:30,416 And after our fourth boy in four years, 17 00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:33,250 Virginia had an idea for an endorsement. 18 00:01:33,333 --> 00:01:36,000 Trojan. Kids are great… 19 00:01:37,708 --> 00:01:39,250 …in moderation. 20 00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:41,500 What are you doing? Calm down! 21 00:01:42,125 --> 00:01:45,083 I tried to get the boys into competitive golf tournaments… 22 00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:48,333 Follow that. 23 00:01:48,416 --> 00:01:50,958 But their hockey instincts were too strong. 24 00:01:52,500 --> 00:01:55,291 Boys, stop! Come on, what are you doing? 25 00:01:57,916 --> 00:02:01,708 Tiger Woods had a video game, so we did a Happy Gilmore one. 26 00:02:01,791 --> 00:02:05,041 But I think the computer guys made it a little too realistic. 27 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,166 You've had enough. 28 00:02:06,250 --> 00:02:08,833 Anyways, the boys loved how violent it was, 29 00:02:08,916 --> 00:02:11,125 but it made my little girl nervous. 30 00:02:11,208 --> 00:02:13,916 That's right, we finally had a little girl, 31 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:17,166 sweet Vienna, Mommy's new best friend. 32 00:02:17,250 --> 00:02:20,541 Oh, and I hosted Saturday Night Live a few times. That was nice. 33 00:02:20,625 --> 00:02:22,458 The Spice Girls are here! 34 00:02:22,541 --> 00:02:23,958 Maroon 5 is here! 35 00:02:24,041 --> 00:02:28,250 The Weeknd is here! So stick around, we'll be right back. 36 00:02:28,333 --> 00:02:31,375 Yeah, we had it all, so I told Virginia… 37 00:02:31,458 --> 00:02:35,041 We should just retire so we can hang out with the kids all day. 38 00:02:35,125 --> 00:02:36,750 We're not done with golf, Happy. 39 00:02:36,833 --> 00:02:38,250 And golf's not done with us. 40 00:02:38,750 --> 00:02:42,541 It's like Chubbs used to say. We've only just begun. 41 00:02:42,625 --> 00:02:43,625 Hmm. 42 00:02:44,708 --> 00:02:45,791 Gordy! 43 00:02:45,875 --> 00:02:48,041 Oh, come on, don't pee on the slip-n-slide. 44 00:02:48,125 --> 00:02:50,000 Appreciate your time today. It's Mother's Day. 45 00:02:50,083 --> 00:02:52,083 We honor all of the mothers who are watching. 46 00:02:52,166 --> 00:02:53,583 Let's go real deep now! 47 00:02:53,666 --> 00:02:57,625 But in golf, even when you're at the top of your game… 48 00:02:57,708 --> 00:02:59,583 you can always shank one. 49 00:03:03,625 --> 00:03:04,625 Uh-oh. 50 00:03:06,708 --> 00:03:11,958 After the funeral, I decided I would never pick up a golf club again. 51 00:03:12,666 --> 00:03:15,125 I was now a single father of five children. 52 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,708 There was really only one thing I could do… 53 00:03:19,583 --> 00:03:21,000 I'd never been a big boozer, 54 00:03:21,083 --> 00:03:23,291 but alcohol was the only thing that helped me 55 00:03:23,375 --> 00:03:26,333 to forget what I'd done to the sweetest woman I'd ever known. 56 00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:28,875 - Oh, one more thing… - It's no good. 57 00:03:28,958 --> 00:03:30,875 The money. 58 00:03:30,958 --> 00:03:31,958 Give me the… 59 00:03:33,750 --> 00:03:35,708 No, no, dude! Come on, man. 60 00:03:36,333 --> 00:03:38,791 See, Virginia always handled the finances, 61 00:03:38,875 --> 00:03:41,708 so without her, a lot of stuff fell through the cracks. 62 00:03:41,791 --> 00:03:43,416 Should I smash the window? 63 00:03:43,500 --> 00:03:46,791 Then I caught some guy trying to break into my Ferrari. 64 00:03:46,875 --> 00:03:48,625 Hey, can you hold my beer? 65 00:03:48,708 --> 00:03:50,250 Yeah. 66 00:03:51,833 --> 00:03:54,083 The guy wasn't a thief, he was a repo man. 67 00:03:54,166 --> 00:03:55,333 Can you let me explain? 68 00:03:55,416 --> 00:03:58,291 Turns out I didn't know I had to renew the lease. 69 00:03:58,375 --> 00:04:01,208 The big baby sued me, and I lost everything… 70 00:04:01,916 --> 00:04:04,708 including Grandma's house, which was devastating. 71 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,375 The boys had to move into an apartment together, 72 00:04:20,458 --> 00:04:24,125 and me and Vienna found a new place that was affordable. 73 00:04:26,416 --> 00:04:30,708 It's not the best neighborhood, but it's walkable to my new job. 74 00:04:32,166 --> 00:04:34,916 Gary, can you pick up in section 2? 75 00:04:44,750 --> 00:04:48,166 Happy Gilmore. Oh, my God, I'm such a massive fan. 76 00:04:48,250 --> 00:04:50,083 Okay, bro, what can I help you with? 77 00:04:50,166 --> 00:04:52,166 You ever hear of Maxi Sports Drink? 78 00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:53,750 I think that's aisle four. 79 00:04:53,833 --> 00:04:55,916 No. It's my company, I own it. 80 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,208 I'm Frank Manatee. 81 00:04:57,291 --> 00:05:00,416 My real passion is this cutting-edge golf project that I've been working on. 82 00:05:01,583 --> 00:05:04,125 I don't golf no more, brother. 83 00:05:04,208 --> 00:05:05,541 Cucumber juice in there? 84 00:05:05,625 --> 00:05:07,000 Sure. 85 00:05:07,083 --> 00:05:09,166 Anyway, I figured maybe you would start golfing again 86 00:05:09,250 --> 00:05:11,250 once you heard how huge this league was gonna be. 87 00:05:11,333 --> 00:05:13,500 I wish you luck, but I'm not interested. 88 00:05:13,583 --> 00:05:16,166 See, that's the thing. Nobody's interested in traditional golf. 89 00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:18,833 It's a boring sport played by boring people. 90 00:05:18,916 --> 00:05:20,833 They ain't boring, they're my friends. 91 00:05:20,916 --> 00:05:23,458 You don't understand. You inspired this thing, all right? 92 00:05:23,541 --> 00:05:25,750 And I love you, and I'd hate to see you pass this up 93 00:05:25,833 --> 00:05:28,541 and have your life turn out worse than it already is. 94 00:05:29,125 --> 00:05:31,375 I get it. Golf makes you tense, right? 95 00:05:31,458 --> 00:05:32,791 Because the whole wife thing? 96 00:05:32,875 --> 00:05:35,166 Get your skunk breath out of my face, or I swear to God... 97 00:05:35,250 --> 00:05:37,791 Or what, tough guy? You're not gonna do a damn thing about it, 98 00:05:37,875 --> 00:05:41,458 because if you lay one finger on me, you're going right to jail. 99 00:05:41,541 --> 00:05:43,166 That's if I get caught. 100 00:05:44,958 --> 00:05:45,958 Operations. 101 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:50,291 Hey, Linda, can you turn the security cameras off for 90 seconds? 102 00:05:59,958 --> 00:06:05,625 Seven, eight. Fouetté, fouetté. Finish. 103 00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:10,208 Great. Arms, fifth. Soutenu. 104 00:06:11,541 --> 00:06:13,750 Fouetté, fouetté. 105 00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:16,625 Arms, fifth. 106 00:06:17,541 --> 00:06:21,750 Soutenu. Chaîné, chaîné. 107 00:06:21,833 --> 00:06:23,958 And arabesque. 108 00:06:25,416 --> 00:06:26,500 Look at that. 109 00:06:27,208 --> 00:06:28,250 Daddy! 110 00:06:28,333 --> 00:06:29,833 Hey, Vienna. 111 00:06:30,875 --> 00:06:34,666 Oh, with the kicks! Hey. The Rockettes are here. 112 00:06:35,916 --> 00:06:37,250 Glad you're home. 113 00:06:37,333 --> 00:06:39,416 You were a clue on Jeopardy! Let me show you. 114 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:40,791 Really? 115 00:06:40,875 --> 00:06:42,541 Okay. Hi. 116 00:06:42,625 --> 00:06:43,541 Hi. 117 00:06:43,625 --> 00:06:45,250 How'd my girl do today? 118 00:06:45,333 --> 00:06:48,916 Great. Beyond great. She needs a better teacher than me. 119 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,083 - Look. - Yeah. 120 00:06:50,166 --> 00:06:52,750 With his amazing long drives and hockey player's temper, 121 00:06:52,833 --> 00:06:58,000 this golfer won the first of his six Tour Championships in 1996. Carter? 122 00:06:58,083 --> 00:06:59,375 Who is Happy Goldberg? 123 00:06:59,458 --> 00:07:01,166 Sorry, no. Ling. 124 00:07:01,250 --> 00:07:02,875 Who is Happy Gudenstein? 125 00:07:02,958 --> 00:07:04,791 Nope. Jana. 126 00:07:04,875 --> 00:07:07,458 Who is Skippy Goldenbaum? 127 00:07:07,541 --> 00:07:09,291 That is incorrect. 128 00:07:09,375 --> 00:07:12,458 He is Jewish, but we were looking for Happy Gilmore. 129 00:07:12,541 --> 00:07:13,875 At least he knew it. 130 00:07:13,958 --> 00:07:15,750 I'm making your grandma's brisket for dinner. 131 00:07:15,833 --> 00:07:16,833 The boys are coming. 132 00:07:16,916 --> 00:07:18,833 Okay, good. Good, I can't wait. 133 00:07:19,541 --> 00:07:22,166 What do you mean, a better teacher? Are you quitting? 134 00:07:22,250 --> 00:07:24,375 No, but I work at the Boys and Girls Club. 135 00:07:24,458 --> 00:07:26,666 She's light years beyond anyone else I ever taught. 136 00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:28,541 So what? Where should she go? 137 00:07:28,625 --> 00:07:31,083 The Paris Opera Ballet School. 138 00:07:31,166 --> 00:07:33,041 Where's that? Around here? 139 00:07:33,125 --> 00:07:35,208 It's in Paris. 140 00:07:35,958 --> 00:07:38,083 They only have four slots open each year. 141 00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:39,958 I sent them the videos of Vienna, 142 00:07:40,041 --> 00:07:41,916 and they're saving one of the slots for her. 143 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,291 Is it free? 144 00:07:44,791 --> 00:07:46,125 How much is it? 145 00:07:47,041 --> 00:07:48,875 $75,000 a year. 146 00:07:52,416 --> 00:07:55,333 I marinated the brisket in ketchup all day like you said Grandma used to. 147 00:07:55,416 --> 00:07:56,750 Absolutely incredible. 148 00:07:56,833 --> 00:07:57,916 You crushed it, Vivi. 149 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:00,083 Vienna, you're gonna have to make more. I'm starving. 150 00:08:00,166 --> 00:08:01,291 Easy, Bobby. Make your own. 151 00:08:01,375 --> 00:08:03,916 - Terry, how about I make you cry? - Are you freaking kidding? 152 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,166 Yeah! Strangle him! Use it! 153 00:08:06,250 --> 00:08:08,125 Put the fork down! Not the fork. 154 00:08:08,208 --> 00:08:10,500 We fight in the basement, not at the table. 155 00:08:10,583 --> 00:08:12,000 - Sorry, Daddy. - Sorry. 156 00:08:12,083 --> 00:08:13,250 It's all right. 157 00:08:14,166 --> 00:08:15,666 How's work going, boys? 158 00:08:15,750 --> 00:08:18,000 I gotta say, Pop, I'm loving the road crew. 159 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,625 I'm killing it at the car wash. 160 00:08:23,541 --> 00:08:25,958 I'm going for Employee of the Month at the drugstore. 161 00:08:26,041 --> 00:08:28,291 Whoop, whoop, whoop. 162 00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:30,333 I've been keeping the sky safe at the airport. 163 00:08:34,916 --> 00:08:35,833 Dude! 164 00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:39,458 You guys wouldn't have to be working if I didn't lose all our money. 165 00:08:39,541 --> 00:08:41,833 - We don't need no money. - Money's for snobs. 166 00:08:41,916 --> 00:08:44,750 Everybody needs money to chase their dreams. 167 00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:47,041 You guys didn't even go to college 168 00:08:47,125 --> 00:08:50,208 because you thought you had to stick around here and keep an eye on me. 169 00:08:50,291 --> 00:08:51,583 What are you talking about? 170 00:08:51,666 --> 00:08:54,291 - …we got brisket, we got hockey here. - …we got food. 171 00:08:54,375 --> 00:08:57,625 I'm just psyched you thought any of us could get into college. 172 00:08:57,708 --> 00:08:59,083 He's not going to college. 173 00:08:59,166 --> 00:09:00,875 That's what he was talking about. 174 00:09:00,958 --> 00:09:02,750 It's a turn of phrase. Not saying... 175 00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:04,666 Turn of phrase? You just said... 176 00:09:04,750 --> 00:09:05,791 Say your phrase. 177 00:09:05,875 --> 00:09:06,916 It makes no sense. 178 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,166 I know what it means. 179 00:09:08,250 --> 00:09:11,375 You turn and you look at somebody and you say some... 180 00:09:11,458 --> 00:09:15,416 Here, it's never ending Can't remember when it started 181 00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:20,541 Pass around the lampshade There'll be plenty enough room in jail 182 00:09:23,875 --> 00:09:27,583 If being wrong's a crime I'm serving forever 183 00:09:27,666 --> 00:09:31,125 If being strong's your kind I need help… 184 00:09:31,208 --> 00:09:33,166 I'm telling you now, I'm getting the waterbed. 185 00:09:33,250 --> 00:09:35,291 What are you talking about? I shottied the waterbed. 186 00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:37,458 - Enough out of you. - What? 187 00:09:37,541 --> 00:09:39,708 You're on the floor. You popped the waterbed. 188 00:09:39,791 --> 00:09:41,875 - Come on, let's go. - All right. 189 00:09:41,958 --> 00:09:44,916 - Night, guys. Love you. - Thanks for coming. 190 00:09:45,708 --> 00:09:46,791 Call me when you get there. 191 00:09:47,875 --> 00:09:49,958 Wait a minute. How are there four of you? 192 00:09:50,041 --> 00:09:54,041 Wait a minute. Who's steering? Gordy, don't steer with your feet. 193 00:09:54,125 --> 00:09:55,750 Chips off the old block, huh? 194 00:09:55,833 --> 00:09:57,041 Hey, Uncle John Daly. 195 00:09:57,125 --> 00:09:58,250 Hey, Vienna, Happy. 196 00:09:58,333 --> 00:09:59,250 Hey, pal. 197 00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:02,333 I'm almost out of here. I just put a down payment on a tent. 198 00:10:02,416 --> 00:10:04,500 Will you stop? I don't want you to leave. 199 00:10:04,583 --> 00:10:06,000 Stay as long as you need to. 200 00:10:06,083 --> 00:10:08,791 I appreciate you. You want to come watch Love Island? 201 00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:12,000 I do, but I'm going to have a couple of nightcaps 202 00:10:12,083 --> 00:10:13,916 and get some rest for work tomorrow. 203 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,375 Make that scratch, dog. 204 00:10:15,458 --> 00:10:17,666 Absolutely. Good night, my brother. 205 00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:19,208 Night, night. Love you. 206 00:10:19,291 --> 00:10:20,291 Love you. 207 00:10:20,791 --> 00:10:22,916 Oh, my God. I hope he marries her. 208 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,166 She going for it. 209 00:10:28,125 --> 00:10:29,958 I should be putting you to bed. 210 00:10:33,791 --> 00:10:36,875 Look, Dad, I know Miss Simon talked to you about dance school, 211 00:10:36,958 --> 00:10:38,166 but don't even think about it. 212 00:10:38,791 --> 00:10:41,750 When I was a teenager, I wanted to be on the Bruins. 213 00:10:41,833 --> 00:10:43,625 This is your Bruins. 214 00:10:43,708 --> 00:10:47,333 Except you know how to dance and I didn't know how to skate. 215 00:10:47,416 --> 00:10:50,458 Did you know Mama was a great dancer? 216 00:10:50,541 --> 00:10:51,708 Yeah, she was. 217 00:10:52,291 --> 00:10:53,750 Get some sleep, Dad. 218 00:10:55,416 --> 00:10:57,916 Yeah, she was something else. 219 00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:00,166 Good night, Dad. 220 00:11:00,250 --> 00:11:02,083 Good night, Virginia. 221 00:11:11,083 --> 00:11:14,375 I can't believe that me in cheap lingerie 222 00:11:14,458 --> 00:11:18,333 carrying two pitchers of Moosehead was your "happy place." 223 00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:20,833 I'm sorry, Virginia. 224 00:11:20,916 --> 00:11:24,250 Oh, sweetie, don't worry. I'm not here to judge your fantasies. 225 00:11:24,333 --> 00:11:28,083 No, not that. I'm sorry about… 226 00:11:28,166 --> 00:11:29,833 Killing me with a tee shot? 227 00:11:31,208 --> 00:11:32,291 Come on. 228 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,291 You've apologized for that a thousand times. 229 00:11:36,250 --> 00:11:39,458 Look, Happy, I know you're worried about the kids' futures, 230 00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:43,250 but you've got to show them by example. 231 00:11:44,041 --> 00:11:46,375 Let them see the Happy I fell in love with. 232 00:11:46,458 --> 00:11:48,958 - I'm not that man anymore. - Mmm. 233 00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:53,166 Okay. No, no, no. 234 00:11:53,250 --> 00:11:55,083 - Please. - No, no. 235 00:11:55,166 --> 00:11:57,875 Can you just hold on to that for a second, sweetie? 236 00:11:57,958 --> 00:12:02,958 Honey, you'll always be the greatest, but you need some purpose. 237 00:12:03,833 --> 00:12:05,625 So I'm gonna tell you what I always told you. 238 00:12:05,708 --> 00:12:06,875 Okay. 239 00:12:08,083 --> 00:12:10,083 You're not a hockey player, Happy. 240 00:12:11,416 --> 00:12:13,000 You are a... 241 00:12:56,416 --> 00:12:58,750 Hey, where you going with those clubs, punk? 242 00:12:58,833 --> 00:13:00,458 Mr. Gilmore, I'm your caddie. 243 00:13:00,541 --> 00:13:02,041 Oh, I'm sorry about that. 244 00:13:02,125 --> 00:13:03,291 No, let me carry these. 245 00:13:03,375 --> 00:13:05,291 They're my grandfather's. They're old. 246 00:13:32,291 --> 00:13:33,583 You gonna hit that? 247 00:13:36,958 --> 00:13:38,958 I don't know if I can, Johnny. 248 00:13:39,041 --> 00:13:41,416 How are you gonna put Vienna through ballet school? 249 00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:42,583 You know about that? 250 00:13:42,666 --> 00:13:44,166 Of course. You know what else I know? 251 00:13:44,250 --> 00:13:46,833 It's $75,000 a year. 252 00:13:46,916 --> 00:13:49,500 That's four years. That's 333 grand. 253 00:13:50,333 --> 00:13:53,041 That's terrible math, Johnny. It's 300 grand. 254 00:13:53,125 --> 00:13:55,541 Hey, if you can get a discount, that's great. 255 00:13:55,625 --> 00:13:57,333 But how you gonna make that cha-ching? 256 00:13:57,416 --> 00:13:58,416 I don't know. 257 00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:02,458 I thought I'd pick a few double shifts up at the supermarket. Maybe... 258 00:14:02,541 --> 00:14:05,958 There's only one way you can make some big dollars fast. Grip it and rip it. 259 00:14:06,041 --> 00:14:09,166 Johnny, I wouldn't even know where to start. 260 00:14:10,291 --> 00:14:11,375 At the bottom. 261 00:14:16,791 --> 00:14:19,083 Excuse me, I'm looking to get out there. 262 00:14:20,916 --> 00:14:24,666 There's a threesome going out at 10:15. You can join them. Name? 263 00:14:25,291 --> 00:14:26,375 Don't worry about it. 264 00:14:27,041 --> 00:14:28,041 I won't. 265 00:14:30,666 --> 00:14:33,333 Who was that? Grizzly Adams? 266 00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:36,166 I don't know who that is. 267 00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:38,166 Is it just us three? 268 00:14:38,250 --> 00:14:40,583 No. Starter said a fourth is playing with us. 269 00:14:40,666 --> 00:14:42,916 - We gotta play with some random? - Yup. 270 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:46,416 It's always some yin-yang who plays like shit and never shuts up. 271 00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:48,333 Oh, man. Is that him? 272 00:14:48,416 --> 00:14:51,000 He looks like he got a divorce four seconds ago. 273 00:14:51,083 --> 00:14:53,041 Are you the one that's playing with us? 274 00:14:53,125 --> 00:14:54,333 I think so, yeah. 275 00:14:54,416 --> 00:14:56,833 We like to play quick, so try to keep up? 276 00:14:57,750 --> 00:14:58,750 Got it. 277 00:15:00,083 --> 00:15:02,000 - Let's get this party started? - Yeah. 278 00:15:02,083 --> 00:15:04,208 - Yeah, let's get it started. - Whoo! 279 00:15:05,916 --> 00:15:06,958 Oh! 280 00:15:09,166 --> 00:15:11,166 - Whoo! Cart path! - Man! 281 00:15:11,250 --> 00:15:12,666 - Nice one, Fitzy. - Hell yeah. 282 00:15:12,750 --> 00:15:15,458 I will take that all day. 283 00:15:15,541 --> 00:15:18,208 Yes, sir. You got this, girl. Get that shit. 284 00:15:21,125 --> 00:15:23,041 Ha! 285 00:15:23,125 --> 00:15:25,041 Gotta be happy with that, Sal. 286 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:28,166 - Top spinner. Just how I drew it up, boys. - Mmm-hmm. 287 00:15:28,250 --> 00:15:29,958 Check this out. 288 00:15:31,583 --> 00:15:34,333 Xanax arms, head still. 289 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,375 Oh! 290 00:15:39,458 --> 00:15:41,208 - What the hell? - Holy shit. 291 00:15:41,291 --> 00:15:43,791 Boom! Explosion! 292 00:15:43,875 --> 00:15:45,666 That's my dog! 293 00:15:45,750 --> 00:15:48,208 Mmm-hmm! Took a lesson at Golf Hut. 294 00:15:48,291 --> 00:15:50,416 - It shows, Stein-man. - Uh-huh. 295 00:15:58,166 --> 00:16:00,750 Man, I wish I was included in that. 296 00:16:01,500 --> 00:16:03,916 - Boy. - He doing the Happy Gilmore swing? 297 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,125 My stupid uncle always tries that bullshit. 298 00:16:06,208 --> 00:16:09,041 Swings and misses every time. Pain in my ass. 299 00:16:27,208 --> 00:16:30,750 God. He rolled further than the ball. 300 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,208 Gonna be a long-ass day, my dudes. 301 00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:46,500 Hell yeah! 302 00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:52,625 Oh, eat a bag of... 303 00:16:55,958 --> 00:16:57,333 Did you find your ball yet? 304 00:16:57,416 --> 00:16:58,916 Yeah, I found it. 305 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:03,541 I'm just roaming around in here because I like poison ivy, you piece of... 306 00:17:05,666 --> 00:17:06,916 Grandma! 307 00:17:09,291 --> 00:17:14,166 Oh, choke on my dangling, wrinkly... 308 00:17:27,708 --> 00:17:30,333 I don't know why, I get so intimidated in the sand. 309 00:17:30,416 --> 00:17:33,166 The dude from Golf Hut said just flip it like a pancake. 310 00:17:33,750 --> 00:17:35,500 - Flip that pancake, Sally. - Mmm-hmm. 311 00:17:37,541 --> 00:17:39,208 Nice! 312 00:17:39,291 --> 00:17:41,625 To the window, to the walls 313 00:17:41,708 --> 00:17:42,708 To the walls 314 00:17:42,791 --> 00:17:45,375 'Til sweat drop down my balls 315 00:17:45,458 --> 00:17:47,500 'Til all these bitches crawl 316 00:17:47,583 --> 00:17:49,500 'Til all skeet-skeet, motherfucker 317 00:17:49,583 --> 00:17:51,666 'Til all skeet-skeet, goddamn 318 00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:52,750 A-goddamn 319 00:17:59,541 --> 00:18:02,875 Nice putt, dude. We'll put you down for a 12. 320 00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,166 Yeah. 321 00:18:13,583 --> 00:18:15,333 I think he thinks the tee-marker's the ball. 322 00:18:20,791 --> 00:18:21,833 Told you. 323 00:18:29,166 --> 00:18:32,208 Hey, DJ Khaled, maybe give the Happy Gilmore swing a rest? 324 00:18:32,291 --> 00:18:33,625 Because it ain't working. 325 00:18:38,875 --> 00:18:41,541 Yo, that is Happy Gilmore. 326 00:18:41,625 --> 00:18:43,500 Happy Gilmore sucks? 327 00:18:47,458 --> 00:18:49,500 Hey, can you call fore next time? 328 00:18:52,708 --> 00:18:55,125 Fore! 329 00:19:00,458 --> 00:19:02,958 Whoa. 330 00:19:03,708 --> 00:19:05,625 Hey, man, at least it went in. 331 00:19:05,708 --> 00:19:06,708 It did? 332 00:19:06,791 --> 00:19:09,041 No! 333 00:19:09,125 --> 00:19:12,625 Man, Happy Gilmore is such a joke. It's sad. 334 00:19:12,708 --> 00:19:15,208 Still got to ask for his autograph, though. 335 00:19:15,291 --> 00:19:17,708 My auntie used to cream her jeans for that fool. 336 00:19:17,791 --> 00:19:19,458 Whoa! 337 00:19:19,541 --> 00:19:23,625 Tell your aunt I'll sign her jeans for $300,000. 338 00:19:24,375 --> 00:19:26,958 I guess I'm a little rusty, gang. 339 00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:31,708 The Stein-man recently had a lesson at the Golf Hut. 340 00:19:31,791 --> 00:19:32,833 Yes. 341 00:19:32,916 --> 00:19:38,083 But I just, I haven't swung a club in ten years, so, sorry. 342 00:19:41,958 --> 00:19:43,375 How about you, Chubbs? 343 00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:46,500 You got any tips for me? 344 00:19:47,375 --> 00:19:49,458 Relax, do what we talked about. 345 00:19:49,541 --> 00:19:53,666 It's all in the hips, yeah, it's all in the hips! 346 00:19:53,750 --> 00:19:54,791 It's all… 347 00:19:54,875 --> 00:19:59,041 Oh, yeah. Ease the tension. 348 00:19:59,125 --> 00:20:02,125 Oh. I miss you, baby. 349 00:20:02,208 --> 00:20:04,791 My man having a wet dream we don't know about? 350 00:20:21,541 --> 00:20:24,416 - Oh, my God! - Now that is some Happy Gilmore shit! 351 00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:27,875 - Yes. Yeah. - Unbelievable! 352 00:20:27,958 --> 00:20:32,291 I mean, I've hit some big ones, but that was a freakin' rocket! 353 00:20:32,375 --> 00:20:35,541 It was, like, effortless, but still ferocious. 354 00:20:35,625 --> 00:20:37,916 You got to teach me how to do that, dude. 355 00:20:38,666 --> 00:20:42,583 Dude! Dude! 356 00:20:42,666 --> 00:20:43,666 - Dude! - Dude! 357 00:20:45,333 --> 00:20:49,541 Remember Happy Gilmore? He's making news on the golf course again. 358 00:20:49,625 --> 00:20:50,791 And not the good kind. 359 00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:54,500 He was apparently driving a golf cart while intoxicated last week 360 00:20:54,583 --> 00:20:55,916 and struck another cart. 361 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,208 Stein-man! 362 00:20:57,291 --> 00:21:01,250 Gilmore was arrested and charged with vandalism and driving under the influence. 363 00:21:01,333 --> 00:21:04,708 Prosecutors agreed to suspend the golf-cart-related charges 364 00:21:04,791 --> 00:21:08,458 on the condition that Gilmore refrain from any physical violence 365 00:21:08,541 --> 00:21:11,208 and attend a radical alcohol treatment program. 366 00:21:11,291 --> 00:21:12,666 Go Bruins! 367 00:21:12,750 --> 00:21:15,458 He was also fired from his job at Stop & Shop. 368 00:21:16,375 --> 00:21:19,416 Truly, a sad end for a sports legend. 369 00:21:21,791 --> 00:21:23,666 Thanks for being with us today. 370 00:21:24,875 --> 00:21:29,958 In 1996, you were arrested for inciting injury to persons or property, 371 00:21:30,041 --> 00:21:33,000 conspiracy to commit vehicular manslaughter, 372 00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:36,916 criminal menacing, and stealing a jacket. 373 00:21:39,333 --> 00:21:42,208 At trial, you were found not guilty by reason of insanity 374 00:21:42,291 --> 00:21:43,791 and remanded to this facility. 375 00:21:43,875 --> 00:21:46,041 That was 29 years ago. 376 00:21:47,041 --> 00:21:49,708 It feels like yesterday. 377 00:21:49,791 --> 00:21:51,625 Twenty-nine years is a long time, 378 00:21:51,708 --> 00:21:54,458 and so this board is inclined to grant you your release. 379 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,875 If we were to do so, what then? 380 00:21:57,958 --> 00:22:00,250 Well, I'd want to give back to the community. 381 00:22:00,875 --> 00:22:04,500 Especially the children who are, of course, our future. 382 00:22:04,583 --> 00:22:07,833 And animals, also, who need to be snuggled, 383 00:22:07,916 --> 00:22:10,416 and neutered with their permission, of course. 384 00:22:11,416 --> 00:22:13,125 What about Happy Gilmore? 385 00:22:13,208 --> 00:22:15,500 Oh, I would stay far, far away. 386 00:22:15,583 --> 00:22:17,875 Far, far away from Gilmore. 387 00:22:17,958 --> 00:22:22,625 What if you ran into him, say, on a golf course? 388 00:22:22,708 --> 00:22:26,750 I'd wave or I could nod. That's also good. 389 00:22:27,458 --> 00:22:30,458 And if he was wearing a gold jacket? 390 00:22:32,666 --> 00:22:33,958 Incredible! 391 00:22:34,041 --> 00:22:36,916 - Happy Gilmore wins the gold jacket! - No! 392 00:22:39,208 --> 00:22:45,041 I would fill a pillowcase with golf balls and beat the piss out of him! 393 00:22:45,125 --> 00:22:47,500 - I would tear the jacket off his back… - Guards. 394 00:22:47,583 --> 00:22:49,458 …and shove it down his throat! 395 00:22:49,541 --> 00:22:51,291 Bring this animal back to his cell! 396 00:22:51,375 --> 00:22:53,833 That is my jacket! My jacket! 397 00:22:53,916 --> 00:22:57,125 Shooter's gold! All mine! It's my gold… 398 00:23:00,333 --> 00:23:01,750 Lunch? Benihana? 399 00:23:01,833 --> 00:23:02,958 - Hell yeah. - Hell yeah. 400 00:23:11,541 --> 00:23:15,583 Excuse me. Is this where the alcohol meetings are? 401 00:23:15,666 --> 00:23:18,625 You're in the right place. How are you feeling? 402 00:23:18,708 --> 00:23:19,833 Mmm, a little shaky. 403 00:23:19,916 --> 00:23:21,625 First five days are rough. 404 00:23:21,708 --> 00:23:24,666 Just get through today and your body will start turning the corner. 405 00:23:24,750 --> 00:23:27,833 Thank you. And this is all on the down low, right? 406 00:23:27,916 --> 00:23:30,166 Happy freakin' Gilmore! 407 00:23:30,250 --> 00:23:34,333 I can't believe you be hitting the bottle too! 408 00:23:34,416 --> 00:23:36,708 I guess Bessie didn't get the down low memo. 409 00:23:36,791 --> 00:23:39,375 Yeah, that's all right. Where's the therapist? 410 00:23:39,458 --> 00:23:41,708 He'll be here. He likes to make an entrance. 411 00:23:41,791 --> 00:23:44,125 Mr. Gilmore? 412 00:23:45,791 --> 00:23:47,500 Holy shit. 413 00:23:48,291 --> 00:23:52,791 As I live and breathe. It is wonderful to see you. 414 00:23:52,875 --> 00:23:55,041 How's Grandma? 415 00:23:55,125 --> 00:23:58,958 Grandma? Passed away maybe 15 years ago. 416 00:23:59,041 --> 00:24:02,958 Mmm. That's a shame. I know you loved on her so much. 417 00:24:03,041 --> 00:24:04,333 Yeah. 418 00:24:05,125 --> 00:24:07,333 Is that when you began abusing alcohol? 419 00:24:07,416 --> 00:24:11,333 No, no. That actually started up after my wife got killed. 420 00:24:11,416 --> 00:24:14,958 - Mm. It's always something, isn't it? - Mmm-hmm. 421 00:24:15,958 --> 00:24:17,166 Okay. 422 00:24:17,250 --> 00:24:19,166 Happy, why don't you come on up front? 423 00:24:20,416 --> 00:24:22,125 We have a new member here. 424 00:24:23,583 --> 00:24:27,166 Hi. I'm Happy and I'm an alcoholic. 425 00:24:27,250 --> 00:24:29,208 Oh, we don't say alcoholic. 426 00:24:29,291 --> 00:24:30,875 We're not scientists. 427 00:24:30,958 --> 00:24:35,541 We're just people trying to get by. We say "alkie". Keeps it light. 428 00:24:36,375 --> 00:24:38,791 Uh… I'm Happy and I'm an alkie? 429 00:24:38,875 --> 00:24:40,458 Say it loud and proud! 430 00:24:40,541 --> 00:24:44,041 - Hi, I'm Happy and I'm an alkie! - Ha-ha! 431 00:24:44,125 --> 00:24:46,125 Celebrities. They just like us. 432 00:24:46,208 --> 00:24:48,541 Except they got a lot more cash. 433 00:24:48,625 --> 00:24:51,416 Now, Charlotte, last week you were concerned 434 00:24:51,500 --> 00:24:54,000 about a musical festival you were to attend. 435 00:24:54,083 --> 00:24:55,083 How'd that work out? 436 00:24:55,666 --> 00:24:58,416 - Fine. It was a concert. - Mmm-hmm. 437 00:24:58,500 --> 00:25:00,875 My friends were drinking and offering me drinks, 438 00:25:00,958 --> 00:25:02,083 but I didn't have any. 439 00:25:02,166 --> 00:25:04,958 But I bet you wanted that liquor something fierce, huh? 440 00:25:05,041 --> 00:25:06,875 I mean, I was tempted, but… 441 00:25:06,958 --> 00:25:09,666 I bet you would have kicked your own mother in the face 442 00:25:09,750 --> 00:25:12,000 just to get a sniff of that liquor, wouldn't you? 443 00:25:12,083 --> 00:25:13,291 Not really. 444 00:25:13,375 --> 00:25:17,833 Charlotte, if we don't stop lying, we don't stop drinking. 445 00:25:17,916 --> 00:25:19,625 Why won't you stop lying? 446 00:25:20,333 --> 00:25:21,916 Because I'm an alkie? 447 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:28,208 And how does a degenerate, low-life alkie take the first step to recovery? 448 00:25:28,291 --> 00:25:29,750 By washing your car? 449 00:25:29,833 --> 00:25:32,083 Bingo! Three o'clock, Thursday? 450 00:25:32,166 --> 00:25:35,458 I got the soap, you bring the rags and bucket, we make it a party? 451 00:25:35,541 --> 00:25:38,166 - I'm sorry, I have a question. - Yeah? 452 00:25:38,250 --> 00:25:42,166 What does the car-washing have to do with the no-drinking? 453 00:25:42,250 --> 00:25:44,041 You're thinking. You're thinking. 454 00:25:44,125 --> 00:25:46,791 Mr. Gilmore's up in his head when really he should be 455 00:25:46,875 --> 00:25:49,291 listening to me and keeping his mouth shut. 456 00:25:49,375 --> 00:25:52,208 This is a radical alcohol treatment program. 457 00:25:52,291 --> 00:25:55,291 And the chief judge, my Uncle Dave, 458 00:25:55,375 --> 00:25:59,666 he told me that I can do whatever I want with everyone in this room. 459 00:26:01,125 --> 00:26:02,458 Check out the name tag. 460 00:26:02,541 --> 00:26:04,583 You're in my world now, Grandma. 461 00:26:04,666 --> 00:26:06,250 You're in my world now. 462 00:26:07,875 --> 00:26:09,458 Oh, my gosh. 463 00:26:10,333 --> 00:26:14,500 Welcome to the future of golf. 464 00:26:14,583 --> 00:26:18,750 The greatest game just got a triple shot of adrenaline. 465 00:26:18,833 --> 00:26:23,166 Experience the revolution of Maxi. 466 00:26:24,166 --> 00:26:26,666 - Game over, regular golf. - Wow. 467 00:26:26,750 --> 00:26:27,958 - Pretty great. - So good. 468 00:26:28,041 --> 00:26:30,208 Yeah, it's something for sure. What is it? 469 00:26:30,291 --> 00:26:32,333 - I mean, what are we seeing? - What is it? 470 00:26:32,416 --> 00:26:35,583 So, basically, Maxi is a reimagining of golf. 471 00:26:35,666 --> 00:26:37,250 It's golf for today. 472 00:26:37,333 --> 00:26:38,958 Why is golf so boring and dumb? 473 00:26:39,041 --> 00:26:41,833 Golf was invented 800 years ago, something like that. 474 00:26:41,916 --> 00:26:43,291 I thought about it and I was like, 475 00:26:43,375 --> 00:26:44,625 "If society could change, 476 00:26:44,708 --> 00:26:47,541 how come the rules of golf have stayed the same?" 477 00:26:47,625 --> 00:26:49,291 And that's why I created Maxi. 478 00:26:50,041 --> 00:26:51,041 - That's deep. - Yeah. 479 00:26:51,125 --> 00:26:55,583 The NBA, the NFL, the NHL, they offer the highest quality product. 480 00:26:55,666 --> 00:26:57,291 - Wow. - And so does Maxi. 481 00:26:57,375 --> 00:26:59,708 You're saying Maxi has the best golfers in the world? 482 00:26:59,791 --> 00:27:00,791 Oh, my God. 483 00:27:00,875 --> 00:27:03,500 - You doing okay, Frank? - I think I'm going to die. 484 00:27:03,583 --> 00:27:05,375 That's what's up, but listen, gang, 485 00:27:05,458 --> 00:27:07,958 how are you going to get these professional golfers 486 00:27:08,041 --> 00:27:09,416 to play in this new league? 487 00:27:09,500 --> 00:27:12,166 I've already got my golfers and they're the best. 488 00:27:12,250 --> 00:27:13,916 You think they're better than the pros? 489 00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,166 I don't think, Stat. I know. 490 00:27:16,250 --> 00:27:18,208 You should think about talking to Happy Gilmore. 491 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:20,416 I don't know who that is. 492 00:27:21,083 --> 00:27:24,208 - Yeah, tell that to the lobsters. - Mmm. 493 00:27:24,291 --> 00:27:26,500 Johnny, what are you doing with those chicken wings? 494 00:27:26,583 --> 00:27:29,291 They've been in the fridge for three weeks now, bro. 495 00:27:29,375 --> 00:27:32,541 I just put this sauce on them. It gets rid of all the bacteria. 496 00:27:32,625 --> 00:27:35,041 Hmm. I don't know about that, but good luck. 497 00:27:36,291 --> 00:27:38,458 When you've done that, the TV remote. 498 00:27:38,541 --> 00:27:40,833 Always wondered why that didn't work. 499 00:27:40,916 --> 00:27:42,500 What are you doing on that contuder? 500 00:27:42,583 --> 00:27:43,791 I'm looking for a job. 501 00:27:43,875 --> 00:27:47,166 There's a new Dairy Queen around here. I think they're hiring. 502 00:27:47,250 --> 00:27:49,833 You're not going to make $330,000 at no Dairy Queen. 503 00:27:49,916 --> 00:27:51,333 You know what you got to do. 504 00:27:51,416 --> 00:27:55,416 I tried the golf. The golf didn't work out. Cuckoo clock. 505 00:27:55,500 --> 00:27:58,416 Grandma's cuckoo clock? That's sacrilegious, Daddy. 506 00:27:58,500 --> 00:28:01,625 Yeah, I know. 507 00:28:01,708 --> 00:28:04,000 You can't give up because of one bad round. 508 00:28:04,083 --> 00:28:06,125 You had to at least hit a couple decent shots. 509 00:28:06,208 --> 00:28:09,166 I think I hit one out of 117. 510 00:28:09,250 --> 00:28:10,500 Yeah, next time you'll hit two 511 00:28:10,583 --> 00:28:13,083 and then three, and before you know it, you're the best again. 512 00:28:13,166 --> 00:28:14,875 I'm 58 years old, V. 513 00:28:14,958 --> 00:28:16,375 Forget about being the best. 514 00:28:16,458 --> 00:28:19,125 If you finish 30th in the Tour Championship, 515 00:28:19,208 --> 00:28:22,000 - you make 100 grand, brother. - How am I going to finish 30th? 516 00:28:22,083 --> 00:28:24,833 I lost to three idiots on a municipal course. 517 00:28:24,916 --> 00:28:26,166 You were hammered. 518 00:28:26,250 --> 00:28:29,083 Maybe you need to practice, Dad, like I do with dancing. 519 00:28:29,166 --> 00:28:31,625 What else are you going to do, sober boy? You can't drink. 520 00:28:32,458 --> 00:28:33,833 Hand sanitizer. 521 00:28:35,500 --> 00:28:36,958 Let Uncle John take care of that. 522 00:28:39,208 --> 00:28:42,541 This is hand sanitizer. 523 00:28:42,625 --> 00:28:44,000 Gotcha. 524 00:28:46,666 --> 00:28:49,458 - Were you Happy Gilmore? - Shh. 525 00:28:50,791 --> 00:28:53,125 Um, do you want to try some clubs? 526 00:28:53,833 --> 00:28:55,166 I do, yes. 527 00:28:56,250 --> 00:28:58,791 Here, try the six iron. A lot of pros like it. 528 00:29:02,958 --> 00:29:04,916 Yep, uh, that'll do. 529 00:29:08,250 --> 00:29:10,083 He could picture the scene 530 00:29:10,958 --> 00:29:12,750 Put his ear to the wall 531 00:29:13,458 --> 00:29:15,041 No. 532 00:29:15,958 --> 00:29:17,916 He heard one guitar… 533 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:19,500 To the right… Ooh! 534 00:29:20,416 --> 00:29:21,416 Goddamn. 535 00:29:21,500 --> 00:29:22,750 Hold my blanket. 536 00:29:22,833 --> 00:29:24,291 Hold your blanket, all right. 537 00:29:25,291 --> 00:29:29,583 All right, you want to load on the back leg… 538 00:29:29,666 --> 00:29:30,541 Uh-huh. 539 00:29:30,625 --> 00:29:32,333 - And then… - Yeah. 540 00:29:33,416 --> 00:29:36,541 Okay, I'll… I'll handle it. Thank you. I appreciate it. 541 00:29:36,625 --> 00:29:39,125 - I don't know what happened. - Just do your thing. 542 00:29:39,208 --> 00:29:41,625 Go! 543 00:29:43,125 --> 00:29:44,500 You got to be quicker. 544 00:29:47,625 --> 00:29:49,166 What are you doing, Dad? Hey. 545 00:29:49,250 --> 00:29:53,541 Sobriety is a journey, not a destination. 546 00:29:54,125 --> 00:29:56,458 I believe in you, Happy! 547 00:29:56,541 --> 00:29:59,375 Someday he's going to make it To the top 548 00:29:59,458 --> 00:30:02,833 And be a juke box hero 549 00:30:02,916 --> 00:30:05,458 Got stars in his eyes 550 00:30:05,541 --> 00:30:07,916 He's a juke box hero… 551 00:30:08,916 --> 00:30:12,708 "What my teacher didn't understand, what she couldn't understand, 552 00:30:12,791 --> 00:30:14,916 "is that I only cheated on the test 553 00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:19,500 because my mother had yelled at me about the oatmeal cookies. Yet again…" 554 00:30:25,625 --> 00:30:28,208 Oh, there he goes. 555 00:30:29,083 --> 00:30:32,041 Nice even strokes. Thank you, Charlotte. 556 00:30:33,333 --> 00:30:36,083 Good. Finish the louvers, then do the borders. 557 00:30:36,166 --> 00:30:37,000 Yes, sir. 558 00:30:37,083 --> 00:30:39,958 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Vienna Gilmore. 559 00:30:40,041 --> 00:30:43,416 Everyone else sucks and you know it! Let's go, V! 560 00:30:43,500 --> 00:30:47,458 Like a trip through the past To that day in the rain 561 00:30:47,541 --> 00:30:48,583 Come on, Happy! 562 00:30:48,666 --> 00:30:53,583 And that one guitar Made his whole life change 563 00:30:54,291 --> 00:30:55,708 Now he needs to keep on rocking 564 00:30:57,416 --> 00:30:58,625 He just can't stop 565 00:30:59,791 --> 00:31:01,625 Happy! Happy! 566 00:31:01,708 --> 00:31:05,083 That boy has got to stay on top 567 00:31:08,541 --> 00:31:13,291 Happy! Happy! Happy! 568 00:31:13,375 --> 00:31:16,958 He's got stars in his eyes 569 00:31:17,041 --> 00:31:20,416 -Juke box hero -Got stars in his eyes 570 00:31:20,500 --> 00:31:22,625 Boot! 571 00:31:22,708 --> 00:31:25,250 Come on, baby! You're back! Let's go. 572 00:31:39,625 --> 00:31:41,916 Do you mind? 573 00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:42,833 I'm sorry. 574 00:31:42,916 --> 00:31:44,458 What the hell are you doing? 575 00:31:44,541 --> 00:31:46,375 I'll take off. Have a good day. 576 00:31:46,458 --> 00:31:49,375 Go back to your mobile home. 577 00:31:49,458 --> 00:31:51,250 Got you a little something, Pop. 578 00:31:51,333 --> 00:31:54,000 What? What is it? 579 00:31:54,083 --> 00:31:56,166 "Thirty days sober! Congrats, Daddy!" 580 00:31:59,166 --> 00:32:02,250 You paint my house, brother. 581 00:32:06,958 --> 00:32:09,291 Get him on the ground! 582 00:32:17,833 --> 00:32:19,583 We'll put a little extra into this one. 583 00:32:19,666 --> 00:32:22,125 Happy! Happy! Happy! 584 00:32:24,666 --> 00:32:27,625 I am so sorry. I did not mean to do that. 585 00:32:29,083 --> 00:32:31,916 Juke box hero 586 00:32:33,333 --> 00:32:35,666 Juke box hero 587 00:32:39,416 --> 00:32:42,875 Damn you, Happy Gilmore! 588 00:32:45,666 --> 00:32:48,750 I put a thermos of coffee in your passenger seat, Dad, and a protein bar. 589 00:32:48,833 --> 00:32:50,291 I love that. Thank you, Vivi. 590 00:32:50,375 --> 00:32:52,125 You gonna bring back another gold jacket? 591 00:32:52,208 --> 00:32:54,041 Don't be disappointed if that doesn't happen. 592 00:32:54,125 --> 00:32:55,708 Just looking to get in the top 30. 593 00:32:55,791 --> 00:32:58,250 But that gets you enough money to send Vienna to dance school. 594 00:32:58,333 --> 00:33:00,875 You gotta do it. One of us kids has to amount to something. 595 00:33:00,958 --> 00:33:03,625 What are you talking about? You're all something. 596 00:33:03,708 --> 00:33:07,250 Something to me. Get in here. Love you guys. 597 00:33:07,333 --> 00:33:10,833 This is the first time you're gonna be far away from us since Mom left. 598 00:33:10,916 --> 00:33:13,333 We can FaceTime Dad every day. It'll be okay. 599 00:33:13,416 --> 00:33:15,625 - Yeah, day or night. You hear me? - Yeah. 600 00:33:15,708 --> 00:33:18,833 And I'll be back Sunday to see you goons. I promise you. 601 00:33:18,916 --> 00:33:20,833 Hopefully with one of them big checks. 602 00:33:20,916 --> 00:33:23,166 Hell yeah, Dad. Let's go. 603 00:33:23,250 --> 00:33:25,000 Make sure John Daly doesn't sleep in my bed. 604 00:33:25,083 --> 00:33:26,458 If he does, no M&M's. Okay? 605 00:33:26,541 --> 00:33:27,541 - Got it. - Got it. 606 00:33:31,916 --> 00:33:33,291 Arnold. 607 00:33:34,208 --> 00:33:35,458 Jack-o. 608 00:33:36,791 --> 00:33:37,833 Tiger. 609 00:33:39,416 --> 00:33:40,416 SpongeBob? 610 00:33:41,291 --> 00:33:42,583 What is that? 611 00:33:42,666 --> 00:33:44,791 What's with the beaver teeth? 612 00:33:44,875 --> 00:33:46,541 The truth can hurt sometimes. 613 00:33:46,625 --> 00:33:50,041 - Oh, my goodness. Dougie boy! - Happy! 614 00:33:50,125 --> 00:33:53,791 I missed you, bro. How's everything been going? 615 00:33:53,875 --> 00:33:56,125 Oh, it gets harder every year, Happy. 616 00:33:56,208 --> 00:33:58,375 How's it getting harder? I'm not around. 617 00:33:58,458 --> 00:34:00,750 Yeah, honestly, the Maxi Golf League. 618 00:34:00,833 --> 00:34:03,750 The Maxi… I saw a commercial for that. It looked stupid. 619 00:34:03,833 --> 00:34:07,208 - Well, supposedly, it is faster-paced… - Yeah, yeah. 620 00:34:07,291 --> 00:34:10,500 …and our biggest sponsors are suddenly slow to call me back. 621 00:34:10,583 --> 00:34:12,500 I got a bad feeling about this. 622 00:34:12,583 --> 00:34:16,500 We got the greatest golfers in the world. That's what people want to see, the best. 623 00:34:16,583 --> 00:34:18,541 Manatee says his guys are better. 624 00:34:18,625 --> 00:34:20,333 There's only one way to find out. 625 00:34:20,416 --> 00:34:22,541 Challenge him. People would love to watch that. 626 00:34:22,625 --> 00:34:26,041 Wow! Virginia really rubbed off on you. 627 00:34:26,125 --> 00:34:27,458 We had five kids together. 628 00:34:27,541 --> 00:34:29,000 She rubbed off on me all the time, 629 00:34:29,083 --> 00:34:31,333 and I just laid there like a sack of potatoes. 630 00:34:31,416 --> 00:34:34,708 As charming as ever. Hey, just get inside. 631 00:34:34,791 --> 00:34:36,416 The guys are excited to see you. 632 00:34:36,500 --> 00:34:40,583 Would you at least get Invisalign for that thing? Thank you. 633 00:34:41,500 --> 00:34:44,583 Hey, Happy, you gonna finish off that blueberry jubilee? 634 00:34:44,666 --> 00:34:48,458 Oh, God. Freddy's still snaking everybody's dessert? Okay, you got it. 635 00:34:48,541 --> 00:34:49,958 Thank you. Cheers. 636 00:34:50,041 --> 00:34:52,750 I'm so happy to be with you. Look forward to getting out there. 637 00:34:52,833 --> 00:34:54,500 You gonna play tomorrow? 638 00:34:54,583 --> 00:34:56,041 Why, you guys aren't playing? 639 00:34:56,125 --> 00:34:58,291 Happy, these kids are 20, 30 years old. 640 00:34:58,375 --> 00:34:59,500 We're old and stiff. 641 00:34:59,583 --> 00:35:01,333 We're old, but we're still cool. 642 00:35:01,416 --> 00:35:04,083 You guys taking aspirin before you get out there? 643 00:35:04,166 --> 00:35:05,791 I'm popping them like Tic Tacs. 644 00:35:05,875 --> 00:35:08,083 I grind them in my applesauce. 645 00:35:08,166 --> 00:35:10,583 I used to be able to play 72 holes without breaking a sweat. 646 00:35:10,666 --> 00:35:12,833 Now it takes me ten minutes to get out of this chair. 647 00:35:12,916 --> 00:35:14,833 Yes? 648 00:35:14,916 --> 00:35:17,458 Do you mind grabbing me a half iced tea and half lemonade? 649 00:35:17,541 --> 00:35:18,833 Arnold Palmer. 650 00:35:18,916 --> 00:35:21,791 No, Jack Nicklaus, but I do get that a lot. 651 00:35:22,500 --> 00:35:24,083 Fantastic. Be back in a jiff. 652 00:35:24,750 --> 00:35:28,083 Happy, what gives with the comeback attempt after all these years? 653 00:35:28,166 --> 00:35:29,458 Well, I'm out of cash. 654 00:35:29,541 --> 00:35:34,416 My daughter has an opportunity to go to this ballet school in Paris, so… 655 00:35:34,500 --> 00:35:36,791 Happy, I've known you for 30 years. 656 00:35:36,875 --> 00:35:39,000 You're like a son to me. How much you need? 657 00:35:39,083 --> 00:35:40,250 300 grand. 658 00:35:40,333 --> 00:35:42,458 Good luck tomorrow. Hit 'em straight. 659 00:35:43,166 --> 00:35:44,708 - Excuse me, pal? - Yes, sir? 660 00:35:44,791 --> 00:35:48,250 I asked for a Tanqueray and tonic, but they gave me Bombay instead. 661 00:35:48,333 --> 00:35:52,041 I'm the busboy, sir. Sorry. I will get you a server right now. 662 00:35:52,125 --> 00:35:54,458 Uh, do you want some bread? 663 00:35:54,541 --> 00:35:56,500 No, just the right booze, thanks. 664 00:35:56,583 --> 00:35:57,875 Okay. 665 00:35:57,958 --> 00:35:59,208 I think I rattled him. 666 00:35:59,291 --> 00:36:03,041 Hey, Happy, whatever happened to that guy, uh, Shooter McGavin? 667 00:36:03,125 --> 00:36:05,458 I believe he's still in an institution, Jack. 668 00:36:05,541 --> 00:36:06,708 Wasn't he friends with O.J.? 669 00:36:06,791 --> 00:36:09,875 Well, they used to vacation together. I don't know if they were friends, but… 670 00:36:16,916 --> 00:36:18,791 This guy's losing it. 671 00:36:25,791 --> 00:36:28,375 What are you doing here? It's quiet time. 672 00:36:28,458 --> 00:36:31,083 You suddenly got some very powerful friends, McGavin. 673 00:36:31,708 --> 00:36:35,041 This is a court order for your immediate release. 674 00:36:35,750 --> 00:36:39,166 Excuse me? Gentleman would like new gin and tonic. 675 00:36:39,250 --> 00:36:42,458 He said Bombay, no Tanqueray. 676 00:36:42,541 --> 00:36:44,625 You told Spiethy that was on me, man? 677 00:36:44,708 --> 00:36:45,833 No, no. 678 00:36:45,916 --> 00:36:48,625 You threw me under the bus. So you could be the hero? 679 00:36:48,708 --> 00:36:49,625 No. I… No. 680 00:36:49,708 --> 00:36:52,500 You stabbed me in my back. That's what time it is? 681 00:36:52,583 --> 00:36:53,708 He just, he just said… 682 00:36:53,791 --> 00:36:57,166 I can't work like this, man. Watching my six all day, every day. 683 00:36:57,250 --> 00:36:59,291 I just wanted to help. I offered bread. 684 00:36:59,375 --> 00:37:00,875 You mess around, you find out. 685 00:37:01,833 --> 00:37:02,833 You're fired. 686 00:37:02,875 --> 00:37:03,875 Fired? 687 00:37:08,041 --> 00:37:11,000 Hey, pal. Yo. You think you were a little harsh on the dude? 688 00:37:11,083 --> 00:37:13,083 Sorry you had to hear that, Mr. Gilmore. 689 00:37:14,041 --> 00:37:17,625 You don't know the backstory. Mr. Couples? More blueberry jubilee? 690 00:37:17,708 --> 00:37:20,291 Nah, I'm okay. Maybe one more. 691 00:37:20,375 --> 00:37:22,333 Yeah. Back in two. 692 00:37:25,666 --> 00:37:27,791 Yackety-yack, don't come back. 693 00:37:29,666 --> 00:37:30,666 Whoo! 694 00:37:31,916 --> 00:37:33,250 Ah! 695 00:37:39,791 --> 00:37:44,791 Shooter McGavin. I'm such a massive fan. 696 00:37:45,916 --> 00:37:50,500 Gentlemen, thank you for being here at the Tour Champions Dinner. 697 00:37:51,458 --> 00:37:52,583 That's what she said. 698 00:37:55,750 --> 00:37:57,041 I'm not sure that made sense, X. 699 00:37:57,125 --> 00:38:01,750 Every time our sport has overcome a challenge, we have come out stronger. 700 00:38:01,833 --> 00:38:04,833 Today's challenge is the Maxi Golf League, 701 00:38:04,916 --> 00:38:08,458 who allege that they are going to make golf more watchable. 702 00:38:08,541 --> 00:38:09,791 That's what she said. 703 00:38:12,458 --> 00:38:14,625 - Great joke, Mr. Schauffele. - Thanks, buddy. 704 00:38:14,708 --> 00:38:16,833 I just got off the phone with the president 705 00:38:16,916 --> 00:38:19,416 of this new league, Frank Manatee, 706 00:38:19,500 --> 00:38:22,000 and I challenged him to a competition. 707 00:38:22,083 --> 00:38:26,541 Frank accepted that challenge and then farted into the phone. 708 00:38:27,291 --> 00:38:28,291 He did what? 709 00:38:29,083 --> 00:38:30,416 What's the competition? 710 00:38:30,500 --> 00:38:33,416 Our five best players versus his five best. 711 00:38:33,500 --> 00:38:37,166 Make it our five worst. It doesn't matter. We're gonna smoke them anyway! 712 00:38:39,666 --> 00:38:41,833 - Whoo! - Yeah! 713 00:38:41,916 --> 00:38:46,083 Now, I know that you all want the honor of kicking their ass. 714 00:38:46,166 --> 00:38:47,791 - Yeah! - So how about this? 715 00:38:47,875 --> 00:38:51,791 Top five finishers this weekend represent us in the challenge. 716 00:38:51,875 --> 00:38:53,583 All right. Let's go. 717 00:38:54,625 --> 00:38:56,375 That's what she said. 718 00:38:57,125 --> 00:39:00,125 Gentlemen, by showing the world our dominance, 719 00:39:00,208 --> 00:39:04,583 we will eliminate this league before it even officially launches. 720 00:39:04,666 --> 00:39:06,750 Let's go! 721 00:39:09,666 --> 00:39:12,291 And now you've got something else to play for, Happy. 722 00:39:14,208 --> 00:39:17,666 Yeah! Yeah! 723 00:39:19,458 --> 00:39:23,458 Gosh. I think there's a fork in my ass. 724 00:39:23,541 --> 00:39:25,083 Now that's what she said. 725 00:39:26,416 --> 00:39:28,708 Yeah! 726 00:39:36,083 --> 00:39:38,625 The sun is shining. The greens are shimmering. 727 00:39:38,708 --> 00:39:40,583 What a day to play some golf. 728 00:39:40,666 --> 00:39:44,916 Welcome to the big one, the U.S. Bank Tour Championship. 729 00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:48,625 I'm Verne Lundquist. Here, as always, with Jack Beard. 730 00:39:48,708 --> 00:39:52,416 And the golfer everyone is talking about, Happy Gilmore. 731 00:39:52,500 --> 00:39:53,625 - Looks handsome. - Yeah. 732 00:39:53,708 --> 00:39:57,250 Gilmore returns after a ten-year absence. 733 00:39:57,333 --> 00:39:59,083 Some of the guys set your locker up. 734 00:40:01,291 --> 00:40:05,333 Bengay, Tums. Preparation H, yeah. 735 00:40:05,416 --> 00:40:06,833 MiraLAX, always good. 736 00:40:06,916 --> 00:40:10,750 And, uh, diapers. Now that's pushing it. 737 00:40:16,458 --> 00:40:18,291 I know you never made it to the Bruins, Happy, 738 00:40:18,375 --> 00:40:20,375 but maybe you'll make this five-man wrecking crew. 739 00:40:20,458 --> 00:40:25,208 Oh, I doubt that, Tony. I'm actually just worried about making the cut. 740 00:40:25,291 --> 00:40:26,791 Mr. Gilmore, Sergio told me 741 00:40:26,875 --> 00:40:30,416 you forgot to bring a caddie to your first tournament. Is that true? 742 00:40:30,500 --> 00:40:32,416 He said that? No. 743 00:40:32,500 --> 00:40:35,708 Well, yeah, but still, I didn't know the rules back then. 744 00:40:35,791 --> 00:40:37,166 That's insane. 745 00:40:37,250 --> 00:40:40,625 Yeah, that was silly. Can't believe I would do that. 746 00:40:48,250 --> 00:40:52,416 Hey, brother. Good to see you, man. So here's what happened. 747 00:40:52,500 --> 00:40:56,250 My regular caddie moved to Switzerland for tax purposes, 748 00:40:56,333 --> 00:40:58,583 so I'm kind of like, I got nowhere to go. 749 00:40:58,666 --> 00:41:01,500 What do you say, you and me for old times' sake? 750 00:41:01,583 --> 00:41:03,250 That's nice, Mr. Gilmore, 751 00:41:03,333 --> 00:41:06,500 but I, unfortunately, I can't caddie for you today. 752 00:41:06,583 --> 00:41:10,041 You're not still mad about the whole choking you thing, are you? 753 00:41:10,125 --> 00:41:11,625 No, it's not that. 754 00:41:11,708 --> 00:41:14,041 It's actually, I don't caddie anymore. 755 00:41:14,125 --> 00:41:17,291 I, uh… I play now. We're actually playing together today. 756 00:41:17,375 --> 00:41:20,833 I didn't know that, Blondie. All right, well, I'll see you out there. 757 00:41:20,916 --> 00:41:21,916 I'll see ya. 758 00:41:23,291 --> 00:41:24,791 Blondie. 759 00:41:25,416 --> 00:41:30,000 My name's Will, and I'm still mad at you for choking me out, you son of a bitch. 760 00:41:30,083 --> 00:41:32,708 We're minutes away from the start, 761 00:41:32,791 --> 00:41:37,375 and Happy Gilmore is apparently breaking in yet another new caddie. 762 00:41:37,458 --> 00:41:39,166 Uh, it's a club. Yeah. 763 00:41:39,250 --> 00:41:41,250 Club. Oh, like the club sandwich. 764 00:41:41,333 --> 00:41:42,833 Not the club sandwich. Okay. 765 00:41:42,916 --> 00:41:45,416 Let's check in with our own Gary Potter, 766 00:41:45,500 --> 00:41:48,333 who's with number one-ranked Scottie Scheffler. 767 00:41:48,416 --> 00:41:49,333 Thanks, Verne. 768 00:41:49,416 --> 00:41:51,416 Scottie, you have been on quite a tear. 769 00:41:51,500 --> 00:41:53,666 My God. You're seeing the ball and the hole, 770 00:41:53,750 --> 00:41:56,666 and the position of the ball and the hole… all good things. 771 00:41:56,750 --> 00:41:58,708 Is there a question in there, Gary? 772 00:41:58,791 --> 00:42:02,166 Scottie, if you're the best, does that make everyone else the worst? 773 00:42:03,125 --> 00:42:04,458 I'm just gonna go warm up. 774 00:42:04,541 --> 00:42:07,958 Always great catching up with Scottie. Back to you, Verne. 775 00:42:08,041 --> 00:42:09,500 Thanks, Gary. 776 00:42:10,583 --> 00:42:14,833 The threesome of Justin Thomas, Will Zalatoris, 777 00:42:14,916 --> 00:42:18,416 and Happy Gilmore is about to tee off. 778 00:42:20,916 --> 00:42:23,416 Ooh. 779 00:42:26,083 --> 00:42:27,916 Nice. Nice bang, JT. 780 00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:29,708 Pressure's on with Happy watching. 781 00:42:29,791 --> 00:42:31,125 My family loves you. 782 00:42:31,208 --> 00:42:33,166 I'm actually rooting for you. I gotta stop. 783 00:42:33,250 --> 00:42:35,708 No. Keep it coming. I need all the love I can get. 784 00:42:35,791 --> 00:42:36,625 Gotcha. 785 00:42:36,708 --> 00:42:38,958 Now on the tee, Zalatoris, Will. 786 00:42:40,833 --> 00:42:43,083 That's your name? 787 00:42:43,666 --> 00:42:46,083 "That's your name?" What an idiot. 788 00:42:46,166 --> 00:42:50,000 I'm a little intimidated. All these guys hit it big now, you know? 789 00:42:50,083 --> 00:42:52,500 Do you need a water refill? Any breadsticks? 790 00:42:52,583 --> 00:42:55,666 No. Maybe I'll go to my happy place. 791 00:42:56,791 --> 00:42:58,416 Okay. I will be here. 792 00:43:05,041 --> 00:43:07,541 It's not working. I don't drink beer anymore. 793 00:43:08,625 --> 00:43:09,791 Good. 794 00:43:09,875 --> 00:43:12,750 Now on the tee, Gilmore, Happy. 795 00:43:12,833 --> 00:43:14,500 Welcome back, Happy! 796 00:43:14,583 --> 00:43:18,750 Golf fans around the world are excited to see Happy Gilmore again, 797 00:43:18,833 --> 00:43:20,541 but at 58 years old, 798 00:43:20,625 --> 00:43:25,375 I'm not sure even Gilmore thinks he can compete with today's best. 799 00:43:25,458 --> 00:43:26,333 Hey, Happy! 800 00:43:26,416 --> 00:43:28,416 I guess I need to update my happy place 801 00:43:28,500 --> 00:43:31,750 to something a little more age appropriate. 802 00:43:33,875 --> 00:43:36,458 Whoa! 803 00:43:48,208 --> 00:43:51,166 You can do it! 804 00:44:01,041 --> 00:44:02,708 Yeah. 805 00:44:27,583 --> 00:44:28,708 Okay. 806 00:44:29,375 --> 00:44:31,791 Thank you, Happy! 807 00:44:31,875 --> 00:44:34,500 - Let's go! - Let's go! 808 00:44:35,458 --> 00:44:37,583 Never did that before. Thank you, man. 809 00:44:37,666 --> 00:44:40,333 Okay, well, let's get... All right, we're going to go. 810 00:44:40,416 --> 00:44:42,833 - But you bring those. Those always come. - Oh. 811 00:44:43,625 --> 00:44:45,625 All right? That's it, that's it. 812 00:44:45,708 --> 00:44:46,583 I'm sorry. 813 00:44:46,666 --> 00:44:49,333 No, no. They got a strap if you want to use the strap. 814 00:45:01,916 --> 00:45:05,333 A snake! Get it off me, god damn it! 815 00:45:05,416 --> 00:45:07,041 Get the snake! 816 00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:10,916 Come on. Come on. Come on. 817 00:45:11,583 --> 00:45:15,750 Goal! Yeah, baby! 818 00:45:18,625 --> 00:45:21,000 Come on, Happy! 819 00:45:21,083 --> 00:45:22,666 Man, I don't drink. 820 00:45:23,666 --> 00:45:25,000 How about some coffee? 821 00:45:25,083 --> 00:45:28,250 That I can do! Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. 822 00:45:28,333 --> 00:45:31,458 Chug, chug, chug! 823 00:45:33,583 --> 00:45:36,041 Yeah! 824 00:45:37,541 --> 00:45:40,541 Yeah! Let's go! Yeah! 825 00:45:47,125 --> 00:45:49,583 Holy shit! 826 00:46:02,666 --> 00:46:04,250 Still the man, Happy! 827 00:46:04,333 --> 00:46:06,583 It's my kids. Sorry, everyone. 828 00:46:06,666 --> 00:46:08,625 - Good to see you, boy! - There they are. 829 00:46:08,708 --> 00:46:11,208 Daddy's on the tee… Wanna see Daddy drive the ball? 830 00:46:11,291 --> 00:46:14,333 Please, dear. Thank you. All right, boys. This is for you. 831 00:46:17,791 --> 00:46:19,125 Whoa! 832 00:46:19,208 --> 00:46:21,916 Oh! Daddy got a hold of that one. 833 00:46:22,958 --> 00:46:24,291 What are you doing? 834 00:46:24,375 --> 00:46:27,458 Gordy! You got to see a doctor about that! 835 00:46:27,541 --> 00:46:28,583 Happy! Happy! Happy! 836 00:46:28,666 --> 00:46:31,666 Entering day two and feeding off the fans' support, 837 00:46:31,750 --> 00:46:34,916 Happy Gilmore has jumped into the top ten. 838 00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:37,791 Oscar. Where were you? Who's this? 839 00:46:37,875 --> 00:46:40,000 Oh, he's Esteban, my caddie. 840 00:46:40,083 --> 00:46:41,000 - Okay. - Steven. 841 00:46:41,083 --> 00:46:42,208 Steven, nice to meet… 842 00:46:42,291 --> 00:46:44,875 No. You don't get a caddie. Caddies don't get caddies. I'm sorry. 843 00:46:44,958 --> 00:46:46,333 No? Can he play? 844 00:46:46,416 --> 00:46:47,875 What do you mean… He's not… 845 00:46:47,958 --> 00:46:50,583 This is the pro tournament. I'm sorry. He's gotta go. 846 00:46:55,041 --> 00:46:57,916 Happy Gilmore! Okay, got it. Okay. 847 00:46:58,000 --> 00:46:59,833 All right. Ciao. Adiós. 848 00:46:59,916 --> 00:47:01,500 He took his hat. 849 00:47:01,583 --> 00:47:03,500 All right, go! 850 00:47:03,583 --> 00:47:07,083 Okay, we got to play, man. Let me have the driver. 851 00:47:13,875 --> 00:47:17,500 Oh, damn it. 852 00:47:17,583 --> 00:47:20,291 Wait! Please! 853 00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:22,333 Now he gets it. 854 00:47:28,875 --> 00:47:30,267 - Happy! Happy! - That was the shot. 855 00:47:30,291 --> 00:47:32,875 Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! 856 00:47:32,958 --> 00:47:35,625 And heading into Saturday, two shots back. 857 00:47:35,708 --> 00:47:38,125 The comeback kid, Happy Gilmore. 858 00:47:38,208 --> 00:47:41,791 Good shot, Happy! 859 00:47:51,666 --> 00:47:54,791 Happy! Rules! 860 00:47:54,875 --> 00:47:57,083 Happy! Happy! 861 00:47:58,291 --> 00:48:01,583 Guys, what are you doing? I'm trying to watch your dad play golf! 862 00:48:01,666 --> 00:48:04,416 - Guys, we can't hear! - Come on, guys. 863 00:48:04,500 --> 00:48:06,791 No one could have expected this. 864 00:48:06,875 --> 00:48:08,458 Happy Gilmore. 865 00:48:08,541 --> 00:48:12,041 From off the couch to the top of the leaderboard. 866 00:48:12,125 --> 00:48:14,833 And what was supposed to be a nostalgic footnote 867 00:48:14,916 --> 00:48:19,000 has turned into one of the best three rounds anyone has ever seen. 868 00:48:19,083 --> 00:48:22,291 The thing is, if I go for this and miss the cup, 869 00:48:22,375 --> 00:48:25,125 it's going to roll right off the green, so… yeah. 870 00:48:25,208 --> 00:48:27,000 - Okay, I see. - Yeah. 871 00:48:27,083 --> 00:48:28,375 What's a green? 872 00:48:28,458 --> 00:48:31,083 Green? Know what? Don't worry about that right now. 873 00:48:31,166 --> 00:48:34,166 What I'm looking for is some positive energy, you know? 874 00:48:34,250 --> 00:48:35,125 Can I help? 875 00:48:35,208 --> 00:48:38,083 Actually, you can. Remember the happy place I went to? 876 00:48:38,166 --> 00:48:40,208 - Yes. - You go to yours. 877 00:48:40,958 --> 00:48:42,375 Okay, I'll try. 878 00:48:48,541 --> 00:48:49,541 What's up, man? 879 00:48:50,041 --> 00:48:52,125 What do you got there? Honey? 880 00:48:53,291 --> 00:48:57,416 What is this? What is this? 881 00:48:57,500 --> 00:48:59,750 Is this about the job? Come on... 882 00:49:00,500 --> 00:49:04,416 Let's... That's... Come on, man. 883 00:49:06,250 --> 00:49:10,583 Oh, no. Not a bear. Not a bear. 884 00:49:10,666 --> 00:49:12,958 Goddamn you, busboy! 885 00:49:20,708 --> 00:49:23,166 - I'm happy now. Hit the ball. - Yeah. 886 00:49:23,250 --> 00:49:24,541 Yes. 887 00:49:24,625 --> 00:49:27,750 You were thinking about a bear eating that waiter, weren't you? 888 00:49:27,833 --> 00:49:28,708 Yes. 889 00:49:28,791 --> 00:49:32,333 - I thought so. Was there honey involved? - Un poquito. 890 00:49:32,416 --> 00:49:33,958 I love it. 891 00:49:34,041 --> 00:49:35,208 Come on, Happy. 892 00:49:36,208 --> 00:49:39,666 Come on, Happy. 893 00:49:40,625 --> 00:49:43,166 Oh, no. I don't see that one stopping. 894 00:49:43,250 --> 00:49:44,833 Wait a minute. 895 00:49:44,916 --> 00:49:47,916 Zalatoris' ball marker to the rescue! 896 00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:49,791 Yeah, Blondie! 897 00:49:49,875 --> 00:49:52,041 And the fairy tale continues. 898 00:49:52,125 --> 00:49:55,750 Happy Gilmore has somehow turned back the hands of time. 899 00:49:58,375 --> 00:50:00,583 - No. Not again. - Come here. Come on! 900 00:50:01,875 --> 00:50:03,791 We gotta do it! 901 00:50:03,875 --> 00:50:06,750 Oh! 902 00:50:06,833 --> 00:50:11,000 I love it! Yeah, Oscar! Whoo! 903 00:50:11,083 --> 00:50:13,375 Less than two months after hitting rock bottom 904 00:50:13,458 --> 00:50:15,250 in a drunken golf cart crash, 905 00:50:15,333 --> 00:50:20,250 Happy Gilmore is 18 holes away from a seventh gold jacket. 906 00:50:20,333 --> 00:50:22,166 The only possible conclusion is that 907 00:50:22,250 --> 00:50:25,875 Happy Gilmore has reached an agreement of some kind 908 00:50:25,958 --> 00:50:29,375 with Satan, a.k.a. the Devil! 909 00:50:29,458 --> 00:50:32,208 All right. Let's go! Happy! 910 00:50:32,291 --> 00:50:33,791 - Good job, Mr. Gilmore. - What's up? 911 00:50:33,875 --> 00:50:35,041 In the zone today. Man. 912 00:50:35,125 --> 00:50:37,875 We were putting. We were doing okay. A little luck involved. 913 00:50:37,958 --> 00:50:39,791 Hey, Mr. Gilmore. Billy Jenkins. 914 00:50:39,875 --> 00:50:41,791 - Hey, nice to meet you, Bobby. - Billy. 915 00:50:41,875 --> 00:50:44,583 Billy was on fire today. I was like, where did that come from? 916 00:50:44,666 --> 00:50:47,208 Had the best round of my life. I'm in second place. 917 00:50:47,291 --> 00:50:48,666 You and me play tomorrow. 918 00:50:48,750 --> 00:50:50,250 You're kidding. Look forward to that. 919 00:50:50,333 --> 00:50:53,083 I've never been in the hunt. It's a dream come true. 920 00:50:53,166 --> 00:50:55,125 You're going to love it. You get in the top five, 921 00:50:55,208 --> 00:50:57,833 you get to play against those buffoons from the new league. 922 00:50:57,916 --> 00:50:59,791 What's up with that tool starting that league? 923 00:50:59,875 --> 00:51:01,500 The guy came to see me to talk about it. 924 00:51:01,583 --> 00:51:04,416 He had the worst breath I've ever smelled in my life. 925 00:51:04,500 --> 00:51:05,833 Like somebody died in his mouth 926 00:51:05,916 --> 00:51:08,041 or a donkey took a shit there or something… 927 00:51:08,125 --> 00:51:10,166 It was not good. Anyways, I got to get to a meeting. 928 00:51:10,250 --> 00:51:12,500 Love you, Bubba. David, good to see you. 929 00:51:12,583 --> 00:51:13,833 It's Billy. 930 00:51:13,916 --> 00:51:19,208 So, in summary, I am no longer allowed to purchase magic markers 931 00:51:19,291 --> 00:51:20,791 in the state of Connecticut. 932 00:51:20,875 --> 00:51:23,750 I am Nate, and I am one day sober. 933 00:51:26,916 --> 00:51:30,208 Nate, you're an example to us all. 934 00:51:30,833 --> 00:51:31,666 What? 935 00:51:31,750 --> 00:51:33,666 Before we finish, I'd like to say a few words 936 00:51:33,750 --> 00:51:36,166 about the remarkable achievement of our brother, Happy. 937 00:51:36,250 --> 00:51:39,375 We've been watching you play, Mr. Gilmore. So inspiring. 938 00:51:39,458 --> 00:51:44,750 Yeah! Happy Gilmore, making Black people like golf again. 939 00:51:44,833 --> 00:51:46,208 That's right, Bessie. 940 00:51:46,291 --> 00:51:49,375 I just hope Happy's able to continue to play as well tomorrow. 941 00:51:50,083 --> 00:51:52,791 Tomorrow being of course… Oh… 942 00:51:54,083 --> 00:51:55,291 Mother's Day. 943 00:51:58,708 --> 00:52:02,291 Welcome to the final round of the Tour Championship. 944 00:52:02,375 --> 00:52:04,041 Here come your current leaders. 945 00:52:04,125 --> 00:52:05,458 Journeyman Billy Jenkins, 946 00:52:05,541 --> 00:52:10,000 getting his first taste of success after an undistinguished career. 947 00:52:10,083 --> 00:52:11,666 The only man in his way, 948 00:52:11,750 --> 00:52:16,625 a golf magician named Happy Octavius Gilmore. 949 00:52:16,708 --> 00:52:18,833 Octavius is his middle name? 950 00:52:18,916 --> 00:52:21,166 Nah, but it sounds cool, doesn't it? 951 00:52:21,916 --> 00:52:22,916 Wait a minute. 952 00:52:23,750 --> 00:52:27,041 Can't wear shorts, Mr. Jenkins. It's a two-stroke penalty. 953 00:52:27,125 --> 00:52:28,625 That's okay. 954 00:52:28,708 --> 00:52:31,958 I don't want to be hot today. Makes my balls itchy. 955 00:52:32,833 --> 00:52:35,666 Was that confidence or just pure stupidity? 956 00:52:42,166 --> 00:52:45,500 Now on the tee, Gilmore, Happy. 957 00:52:45,583 --> 00:52:47,083 Nice shot, young man. 958 00:52:48,333 --> 00:52:51,333 Happy Gilmore will try to defend his eight-shot lead 959 00:52:51,416 --> 00:52:53,625 on this glorious Mother's Day. 960 00:53:07,250 --> 00:53:10,666 Gilmore was aiming right for some reason, and that's where it went. 961 00:53:11,458 --> 00:53:12,875 A lot of holes left to play. 962 00:53:12,958 --> 00:53:13,958 Yeah. 963 00:53:14,708 --> 00:53:18,083 It's okay. 964 00:53:21,958 --> 00:53:24,125 Mr. McGavin. 965 00:53:24,208 --> 00:53:25,375 How'd you sleep? 966 00:53:25,458 --> 00:53:28,291 This place… is amazing. 967 00:53:28,375 --> 00:53:29,875 The pillows, the steam shower, 968 00:53:29,958 --> 00:53:31,083 the free porn, 969 00:53:31,166 --> 00:53:33,916 and these fluffy pancakes. Oh, my God. 970 00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:35,916 What do you say you and I go on a tour 971 00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:38,541 - and I show you what we're all about? - Mmm… 972 00:53:38,625 --> 00:53:41,416 I'll make sure there's a fresh stack waiting for you when we get back. 973 00:53:41,500 --> 00:53:42,625 All right. 974 00:53:44,208 --> 00:53:45,583 Slippers on? 975 00:53:45,666 --> 00:53:48,125 And why don't you throw on some underpants, too? 976 00:53:48,208 --> 00:53:49,708 It's all right, Happy. 977 00:53:49,791 --> 00:53:51,541 Hey, Happy. Remember me? 978 00:53:53,041 --> 00:53:55,708 My dad used to be your boss when you worked in construction. 979 00:53:55,791 --> 00:53:57,458 I'm truly proud of you. 980 00:53:57,541 --> 00:54:00,125 Hey, thanks a lot, Mr. Larson. 981 00:54:00,750 --> 00:54:04,125 Drago Larson. Little Drago Larson? 982 00:54:04,208 --> 00:54:06,500 Hell yeah! My God! 983 00:54:06,583 --> 00:54:10,041 I always felt bad about what I did to Daddy and the whole nail thing. 984 00:54:10,125 --> 00:54:11,583 Actually, after he got it removed, 985 00:54:11,666 --> 00:54:13,875 he kind of missed it, so he had it put back. 986 00:54:13,958 --> 00:54:15,541 Oh, okay. 987 00:54:15,625 --> 00:54:17,500 He passed away a few years ago. 988 00:54:17,583 --> 00:54:19,333 I'm so sorry. What happened? 989 00:54:19,416 --> 00:54:21,208 He rolled over in his sleep. 990 00:54:21,291 --> 00:54:22,416 Oh, yeah. 991 00:54:22,500 --> 00:54:25,833 At least I still have Mom. Every boy needs his mom. 992 00:54:26,541 --> 00:54:28,916 - Yeah. - Happy have five kids, Mom. 993 00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:31,416 Oh, tell your wife Happy Mother's Day. 994 00:54:32,416 --> 00:54:34,000 His wife passed away. 995 00:54:34,708 --> 00:54:37,291 Oh, I'm so sorry, sweetheart. 996 00:54:37,375 --> 00:54:39,500 Why didn't you tell me, Jerko? 997 00:54:39,583 --> 00:54:41,791 Mommy, don't hit me. Mommy, don't hit me. 998 00:54:41,875 --> 00:54:43,458 Which club do you prefer, sir? 999 00:54:43,541 --> 00:54:44,666 Let's go, Gilmore! 1000 00:54:44,750 --> 00:54:48,541 Give me… Let me have a wedge. 1001 00:54:51,875 --> 00:54:53,166 Let's go, Happy. 1002 00:54:54,041 --> 00:54:56,708 - Every boy needs a mom. - But we don't have one. 1003 00:54:56,791 --> 00:54:58,125 You got it, Happy. 1004 00:54:58,208 --> 00:54:59,666 - You can make it. - You got this. 1005 00:54:59,750 --> 00:55:01,208 Do it. Come on. 1006 00:55:04,500 --> 00:55:08,416 Oh! 1007 00:55:09,291 --> 00:55:10,791 I gotta go to the bathroom. 1008 00:55:13,875 --> 00:55:16,000 You came at a very special moment. 1009 00:55:16,083 --> 00:55:17,208 Change is in the air. 1010 00:55:17,291 --> 00:55:18,541 What change is that? 1011 00:55:18,625 --> 00:55:21,000 Golf. New and improved. 1012 00:55:22,416 --> 00:55:24,375 Gilmore must love all this. 1013 00:55:24,458 --> 00:55:26,875 I wouldn't know. Happy Gilmore's a broken man. 1014 00:55:27,583 --> 00:55:28,625 A broken man? 1015 00:55:28,708 --> 00:55:31,041 Yeah, ever since the loss of his wife. 1016 00:55:31,125 --> 00:55:33,250 Wait, Virginia Venit? 1017 00:55:33,333 --> 00:55:34,625 Is that what her name was? 1018 00:55:35,375 --> 00:55:36,375 Oh, man. 1019 00:55:38,583 --> 00:55:40,291 Fart recognized. 1020 00:55:42,458 --> 00:55:43,958 All right, come on in. 1021 00:55:44,041 --> 00:55:46,166 Our current leader, Happy Gilmore, 1022 00:55:46,250 --> 00:55:49,416 has been in the restroom for an unusually long time. 1023 00:56:32,208 --> 00:56:33,875 Let's play some golf. 1024 00:56:36,041 --> 00:56:39,208 Billy Jenkins is playing an inspired round. 1025 00:56:40,458 --> 00:56:44,166 Meanwhile, Happy Gilmore is struggling to keep it in the fairway. 1026 00:56:47,666 --> 00:56:49,250 Cart path. 1027 00:56:51,750 --> 00:56:53,583 Wanna sip of my 3-wood? 1028 00:56:53,666 --> 00:56:55,541 - No, gracias. - Okay. 1029 00:56:59,791 --> 00:57:01,416 You scratch it, I hurt you. 1030 00:57:04,291 --> 00:57:06,125 Thank you, Jesus! 1031 00:57:06,833 --> 00:57:08,125 Plenty golf to be played. 1032 00:57:08,208 --> 00:57:10,333 Happy, what does Mother's Day mean to you? 1033 00:57:10,416 --> 00:57:13,750 Can you suck my white ass, Gary? Just suck the entire thing? 1034 00:57:16,416 --> 00:57:17,416 Psycho. 1035 00:57:23,375 --> 00:57:24,458 Oh. 1036 00:57:24,541 --> 00:57:28,333 And it has all fallen apart for Happy Gilmore… 1037 00:57:28,416 --> 00:57:32,250 Happy's… wasted! 1038 00:57:32,333 --> 00:57:35,875 …who is staggering, literally, to the finish. 1039 00:57:37,833 --> 00:57:41,708 What I'm about to show you is the foundation of Maxi Golf. 1040 00:57:44,916 --> 00:57:47,166 An X-ray from 1957. 1041 00:57:47,916 --> 00:57:49,000 Who's Ben Daggett? 1042 00:57:49,083 --> 00:57:53,541 He's the only guy who could hit it farther than Happy Octavius Gilmore. 1043 00:57:54,791 --> 00:57:56,416 How come I never heard of him? 1044 00:57:56,500 --> 00:57:58,791 Well, he was a degenerate. Couldn't putt for shit. 1045 00:57:58,875 --> 00:58:01,375 Just drove around the country in the 1950s, 1046 00:58:01,458 --> 00:58:03,583 dominating long drive contests. 1047 00:58:03,666 --> 00:58:06,708 They say he could carry the ball 500 yards. 1048 00:58:06,791 --> 00:58:10,000 One day, one of the mobsters who he owed some money to 1049 00:58:10,083 --> 00:58:12,500 took a golf shoe and shoved it right up Ben's ass. 1050 00:58:13,333 --> 00:58:15,666 And that's where this X-ray was taken. 1051 00:58:18,041 --> 00:58:20,250 Do you see anything unusual here? 1052 00:58:20,333 --> 00:58:23,958 Well, there appears to be a shoe up his rectal region. 1053 00:58:24,041 --> 00:58:26,250 That's true. But see that? 1054 00:58:26,333 --> 00:58:29,750 That's the iliolumbar ligament. Why is it in two pieces? 1055 00:58:29,833 --> 00:58:32,208 Let me guess. Shoe up the ass? 1056 00:58:32,291 --> 00:58:33,708 - No. - No? 1057 00:58:33,791 --> 00:58:35,750 This happened much earlier in his life. 1058 00:58:35,833 --> 00:58:39,000 Turns out Daggett severed it in a childhood go-kart accident. 1059 00:58:39,083 --> 00:58:41,791 The separation of the ligament from when he was a kid 1060 00:58:41,875 --> 00:58:44,625 increased Daggett's range of motion in his hips, 1061 00:58:44,708 --> 00:58:46,833 dramatically improving the amount of torque 1062 00:58:46,916 --> 00:58:49,125 and club speed that he could generate. 1063 00:58:51,500 --> 00:58:53,708 That's why he could hit it so far. Because of the shoe. 1064 00:58:53,791 --> 00:58:56,291 Will you stop with the shoe? We're done with the shoe. 1065 00:58:56,375 --> 00:58:59,458 It was a go-kart accident that severed the ligament 1066 00:58:59,541 --> 00:59:01,791 and turned him into a long-ball-hitting freak. 1067 00:59:02,333 --> 00:59:04,291 And all those golfers outside? 1068 00:59:04,375 --> 00:59:06,958 We snipped their iliolumbar ligaments, too. 1069 00:59:07,041 --> 00:59:10,083 That's cheating. Who would agree to a surgery like that? 1070 00:59:10,791 --> 00:59:13,416 Journeymen… who were good enough for the pros 1071 00:59:13,500 --> 00:59:15,666 but could never figure out how to beat the legends. 1072 00:59:23,791 --> 00:59:27,791 It's all in the hips, Grandpa. It's all in the hips. 1073 00:59:29,666 --> 00:59:32,083 Shooter, I want you to be the captain of the Maxi team. 1074 00:59:32,166 --> 00:59:33,375 Hmm. 1075 00:59:33,458 --> 00:59:35,916 - Thank you so much. - Absolutely, Mr. Manatee. 1076 00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:37,833 Pancakes next time. 1077 00:59:37,916 --> 00:59:40,291 And I haven't even showed you the best part yet. 1078 00:59:43,625 --> 00:59:46,166 18 holes? Boring. 1079 00:59:46,250 --> 00:59:47,625 We do seven holes. 1080 00:59:48,208 --> 00:59:50,916 Slow play? We got shot clocks. 1081 00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:53,125 My God, this is obscene. 1082 00:59:53,208 --> 00:59:55,208 It's a lot to take in. I get it. 1083 00:59:55,291 --> 00:59:58,000 I will never have anything to do with this… 1084 00:59:59,250 --> 01:00:01,041 This abomination. 1085 01:00:01,125 --> 01:00:04,041 You know, Shooter, it wasn't very easy to get you released. 1086 01:00:04,833 --> 01:00:07,666 But it'd be pretty damn easy to get you recommitted. 1087 01:00:07,750 --> 01:00:09,000 Yeah? 1088 01:00:09,083 --> 01:00:11,375 Damn, that's hot. 1089 01:00:11,458 --> 01:00:13,416 - I was told you liked it hot. - Do you? 1090 01:00:27,541 --> 01:00:30,416 My eye! 1091 01:00:32,833 --> 01:00:36,750 Yesterday, Happy Gilmore had the entire sports world rooting for him, 1092 01:00:36,833 --> 01:00:40,291 and then he took all that good will and basically set it on fire. 1093 01:00:40,375 --> 01:00:42,625 - Go to your happy place! - No! 1094 01:00:42,708 --> 01:00:45,541 He also lost out on playing against the Maxi League 1095 01:00:45,625 --> 01:00:48,083 as he finds himself with a sixth-place finish. 1096 01:00:48,166 --> 01:00:50,875 And so it is Jenkins who will lead the five-man team 1097 01:00:50,958 --> 01:00:55,458 against the upstart Maxi League, or… so we thought. 1098 01:00:55,541 --> 01:00:57,500 Sorry to pee in your punch bowl, folks, 1099 01:00:57,583 --> 01:01:01,916 but I am actually a proud member of the Maxi Golf League. 1100 01:01:02,000 --> 01:01:04,625 Bye-bye, regular golf. Bye-bye. 1101 01:01:04,708 --> 01:01:06,666 That's right. Billy's part of a new league 1102 01:01:06,750 --> 01:01:09,500 where we hit longer, look cooler, and party harder. 1103 01:01:09,583 --> 01:01:12,000 And the best part is, our guys are "Maxi Good." 1104 01:01:12,083 --> 01:01:13,375 Give me the jacket. 1105 01:01:13,458 --> 01:01:15,541 My sources in the DA's office say 1106 01:01:15,625 --> 01:01:17,375 Gilmore's actions violated a plea agreement, 1107 01:01:17,458 --> 01:01:20,583 relating to his drunken golf cart crash earlier this year, 1108 01:01:20,666 --> 01:01:24,125 and that he only avoided arrests due to an ally causing a distraction. 1109 01:01:26,625 --> 01:01:29,750 Hey, Drago, you forgot your underpants, Jerko! 1110 01:01:29,833 --> 01:01:32,625 Gilmore is now facing six years in state prison, 1111 01:01:32,708 --> 01:01:35,916 but I hope the authorities will deliver justice to golf fans 1112 01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:42,125 by sentencing him to the electric chair, which at this point, he richly deserves. 1113 01:01:57,125 --> 01:02:00,250 Oh, Virginia, I'm sorry you're no longer with us. 1114 01:02:00,333 --> 01:02:02,625 You were a woman working in a man's league. 1115 01:02:02,708 --> 01:02:05,375 I bet that wasn't easy. Huh? 1116 01:02:06,166 --> 01:02:11,291 Yeah. I guess I should also apologize for asking you to get me a Pepsi. 1117 01:02:11,375 --> 01:02:12,375 Diet. 1118 01:02:16,333 --> 01:02:17,375 Gilmore. 1119 01:02:18,125 --> 01:02:19,875 Shooter McGavin. 1120 01:02:19,958 --> 01:02:25,791 Last time I saw you, you were running away in slow motion with my gold jacket. 1121 01:02:25,875 --> 01:02:27,291 That was my jacket! 1122 01:02:27,375 --> 01:02:30,625 Take it. I've got five others. 1123 01:02:33,583 --> 01:02:36,041 God! You would never have won them if I wasn't... 1124 01:02:36,125 --> 01:02:38,250 What? In the loony bin? 1125 01:02:38,916 --> 01:02:40,750 You stole my life from me. 1126 01:02:40,833 --> 01:02:44,500 Now, why would I want to steal the life of somebody 1127 01:02:45,416 --> 01:02:48,333 who eats pieces of shit… 1128 01:02:48,416 --> 01:02:51,166 - Oh, you… - …for breakfast? 1129 01:02:59,375 --> 01:03:02,333 Game over, bitch. 1130 01:03:04,625 --> 01:03:05,625 - Come on. - Okay. 1131 01:03:05,708 --> 01:03:07,583 - Let's go. - We're gonna fist fight? 1132 01:03:07,666 --> 01:03:08,666 - Want this? - Yeah. 1133 01:03:08,750 --> 01:03:10,958 You sure you want that? Come on. 1134 01:03:18,625 --> 01:03:19,625 Come here, now. 1135 01:03:20,708 --> 01:03:22,416 That was for you, Grandma. 1136 01:03:22,500 --> 01:03:24,583 I am so sorry I lost the house again. 1137 01:03:24,666 --> 01:03:25,916 - Truly. - Hi, Grandma. 1138 01:03:26,000 --> 01:03:28,458 Don't you ever talk to my grandma! 1139 01:03:28,541 --> 01:03:29,750 Come on. 1140 01:03:31,125 --> 01:03:33,083 Jackass! 1141 01:03:44,583 --> 01:03:46,041 That was round one. 1142 01:03:46,125 --> 01:03:49,416 We are done, son. You can tell everybody you won. 1143 01:03:50,500 --> 01:03:53,666 Should I put my hair in a bun just for fun? 1144 01:03:53,750 --> 01:03:56,791 And play one-on-one with Attila the Hun? 1145 01:03:56,875 --> 01:03:59,625 Oh, boy. That was good. Round two. 1146 01:04:00,208 --> 01:04:01,833 Okay. We're even. 1147 01:04:01,916 --> 01:04:03,541 Come on. You love this. 1148 01:04:04,416 --> 01:04:06,833 - Get up. Absolutely. - Thanks, man. 1149 01:04:06,916 --> 01:04:10,375 Okay. Hey. Are your hip ligaments cut in half? 1150 01:04:11,458 --> 01:04:12,458 I don't think so. 1151 01:04:12,541 --> 01:04:14,916 Anyone ever stick a shoe up your ass? 1152 01:04:15,000 --> 01:04:16,666 Not that I can recollect. 1153 01:04:16,750 --> 01:04:18,875 You realize these are strange questions? 1154 01:04:18,958 --> 01:04:22,250 Apparently, if a certain hip ligament is not attached, 1155 01:04:22,333 --> 01:04:23,791 you can hit the ball farther. 1156 01:04:23,875 --> 01:04:28,208 Oh. No. I always powered my drives the old-fashioned way. With rage. 1157 01:04:28,291 --> 01:04:29,416 Yeah. 1158 01:04:29,500 --> 01:04:31,791 You want to get out of these pajamas? I live around here. 1159 01:04:31,875 --> 01:04:32,916 Yeah, thanks. 1160 01:04:33,541 --> 01:04:39,041 Mister! Mister! Get me outta here! 1161 01:04:45,041 --> 01:04:47,416 They issued a warrant for your arrest, Dad. 1162 01:04:47,500 --> 01:04:49,333 Yeah, hide in the basement. 1163 01:04:49,416 --> 01:04:51,458 I should just turn myself in. Get it over with. 1164 01:04:51,541 --> 01:04:54,541 - We'll ask the lawyer when he gets here. - You hired a lawyer? 1165 01:04:54,625 --> 01:04:56,750 Okay. How do I look? 1166 01:04:57,250 --> 01:04:59,291 You look like my frickin' dad. 1167 01:04:59,375 --> 01:05:00,416 Yeah. 1168 01:05:00,500 --> 01:05:03,083 At least I'm not wearing that ridiculous Bruins jersey. 1169 01:05:03,166 --> 01:05:04,166 Uh-oh. 1170 01:05:06,500 --> 01:05:07,625 Okay. 1171 01:05:09,458 --> 01:05:10,458 Okay, get the door. 1172 01:05:14,541 --> 01:05:18,458 Mr. Gilmore. Mr. McGavin. John Daly. 1173 01:05:18,541 --> 01:05:20,666 Nice to see you again. 1174 01:05:20,750 --> 01:05:23,375 You're the lawyer? I thought you were the IRS guy. 1175 01:05:23,458 --> 01:05:26,416 I was, but I got tired of everybody hating me 1176 01:05:26,500 --> 01:05:28,708 and occasionally being thrown through a glass door. 1177 01:05:28,791 --> 01:05:29,958 You hate me, don't you? 1178 01:05:34,083 --> 01:05:36,125 - Right. - So, I went to law school. 1179 01:05:36,916 --> 01:05:40,250 You didn't want to be hated anymore, so you became a lawyer? 1180 01:05:41,416 --> 01:05:43,375 - That's funny. - Lawyers are snobs. 1181 01:05:43,458 --> 01:05:44,875 - Pieces of shit. - Pieces of shit. 1182 01:05:45,708 --> 01:05:47,583 Let's sit. Lots to talk about. 1183 01:05:47,666 --> 01:05:49,916 Let me just have a little shower… 1184 01:05:50,583 --> 01:05:52,416 This girl's got some body on her. 1185 01:05:52,500 --> 01:05:56,333 Hey, we do not objectify women anymore. 1186 01:05:57,625 --> 01:05:58,625 What? 1187 01:05:58,666 --> 01:06:03,333 Okay, great. Uh, looks like the DA has withdrawn the arrest warrant. 1188 01:06:03,416 --> 01:06:04,291 What? 1189 01:06:04,375 --> 01:06:06,625 Even though you appeared to some onlookers 1190 01:06:06,708 --> 01:06:08,458 to be inebriated at the tournament, 1191 01:06:08,541 --> 01:06:10,208 you weren't administered an alcohol test. 1192 01:06:10,291 --> 01:06:12,208 - And… I have better news. - Yes? 1193 01:06:12,291 --> 01:06:14,208 You came in sixth at that tournament. 1194 01:06:14,291 --> 01:06:17,166 That's right. I forgot about that. How much did I win? 1195 01:06:17,250 --> 01:06:18,916 Uh, $496,000. 1196 01:06:19,000 --> 01:06:20,291 - Oh, my God! - No way! 1197 01:06:20,375 --> 01:06:21,916 - No! What? - Holy shit! 1198 01:06:23,000 --> 01:06:24,083 Baby! Yay! 1199 01:06:24,166 --> 01:06:25,833 Now you're really gonna hate me. 1200 01:06:25,916 --> 01:06:31,041 The tour is fining you $500,000 for bad behavior. 1201 01:06:31,125 --> 01:06:33,958 So he lost $37,000? 1202 01:06:34,041 --> 01:06:35,541 No. It's $33,000, Dad. 1203 01:06:35,625 --> 01:06:39,041 It's $4,000, you buffoons. How is that good news? 1204 01:06:39,125 --> 01:06:42,333 Well, you came in sixth, but the winner, Billy Jenkins, 1205 01:06:42,416 --> 01:06:45,833 opted out of the tour team because he's playing for the bad guys. 1206 01:06:45,916 --> 01:06:47,208 So you made the team. 1207 01:06:47,291 --> 01:06:49,291 - Dad, that's great! - Whoa! Okay, Pop. 1208 01:06:49,375 --> 01:06:51,625 They don't want me. I'm a disgrace. 1209 01:06:51,708 --> 01:06:53,291 A freaking embarrassment. 1210 01:06:53,375 --> 01:06:55,250 Let's go outside, Dad, for a second. 1211 01:06:56,000 --> 01:06:57,000 Next. 1212 01:07:00,625 --> 01:07:04,375 Well, Shooter, due to Mr. Manatee's sworn statement, 1213 01:07:04,458 --> 01:07:08,583 you are now technically an escapee from a mental institution. 1214 01:07:08,666 --> 01:07:11,125 Welcome to the club. 1215 01:07:12,916 --> 01:07:15,916 Dad, it doesn't matter if you play for that team or not. 1216 01:07:16,000 --> 01:07:17,375 You have to stop drinking. 1217 01:07:17,458 --> 01:07:18,541 I did. It's just... 1218 01:07:18,625 --> 01:07:21,250 Just nothing. You gotta find peace somehow. 1219 01:07:21,333 --> 01:07:23,333 There's no peace. I… 1220 01:07:23,416 --> 01:07:25,166 The reason I joined that tour again 1221 01:07:25,250 --> 01:07:28,208 was to get you the future you deserve, and I lost $4,000. 1222 01:07:28,291 --> 01:07:31,041 You think if you made that money I could leave you like this? 1223 01:07:31,125 --> 01:07:33,541 It's not your job to take care of me. I told you. 1224 01:07:33,625 --> 01:07:36,291 - Of course it is. We're family. - You're stuck with us. 1225 01:07:36,375 --> 01:07:37,500 Yeah, come on, Dad. 1226 01:07:37,583 --> 01:07:39,541 I don't want you to be stuck with me. 1227 01:07:39,625 --> 01:07:41,166 You didn't do nothing wrong. It's me. 1228 01:07:41,916 --> 01:07:43,791 I think this person could help. 1229 01:07:47,791 --> 01:07:50,958 Hey, you gotta put a little mustard on that ball 1230 01:07:51,041 --> 01:07:55,291 so it doesn't get stuck where the pirate hide his, uh, uh… 1231 01:07:55,375 --> 01:07:56,583 booty and shit. 1232 01:07:56,666 --> 01:07:58,166 The hold? 1233 01:07:58,250 --> 01:08:00,958 Yeah, the hold. Get at it, kiddies. 1234 01:08:01,041 --> 01:08:03,625 - Thank you! - Are you Slim Peterson? 1235 01:08:03,708 --> 01:08:05,250 That's what they call me. 1236 01:08:05,333 --> 01:08:08,333 Your dad Chubbs was my teacher. My name's Happy Gilmore... 1237 01:08:08,416 --> 01:08:09,708 I know who you are. 1238 01:08:09,791 --> 01:08:15,375 Hey, you gotta hit it under the octopus and bank it off one of his leg things. 1239 01:08:15,458 --> 01:08:16,458 The tentacles? 1240 01:08:16,541 --> 01:08:18,708 Yeah, testicles. Now, what was you saying? 1241 01:08:18,791 --> 01:08:21,000 I need to talk to you for a few minutes. 1242 01:08:21,083 --> 01:08:23,666 Damn, mosquitoes. They everywhere. 1243 01:08:23,750 --> 01:08:25,083 - What… - Look at them. 1244 01:08:26,625 --> 01:08:27,708 Alligator? 1245 01:08:27,791 --> 01:08:30,208 No, vending machine. I didn't have enough change. 1246 01:08:30,291 --> 01:08:33,166 Had to reach up there to get my Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies. 1247 01:08:33,750 --> 01:08:37,333 Man, looking at you just reminded me of what I did to you. 1248 01:08:37,416 --> 01:08:38,583 What'd you do to me? 1249 01:08:38,666 --> 01:08:41,208 What I did to my own kids. Stole a parent. 1250 01:08:41,291 --> 01:08:43,375 Man, you gotta forgive yourself for that. 1251 01:08:43,458 --> 01:08:44,583 Don't want to. 1252 01:08:44,666 --> 01:08:46,500 I didn't want to forgive you either, 1253 01:08:46,583 --> 01:08:48,708 because it was easier to hate you 1254 01:08:48,791 --> 01:08:51,916 than to deal with the fact that my daddy wasn't coming back. 1255 01:08:52,583 --> 01:08:56,208 It's kind of like I was using hate to keep him alive. 1256 01:08:56,291 --> 01:08:59,541 But once I forgave you, I became myself again. 1257 01:08:59,625 --> 01:09:02,458 And that's who I knew my daddy wanted me to be. 1258 01:09:05,416 --> 01:09:09,375 You loved your wife. You loved my dad. 1259 01:09:09,458 --> 01:09:11,375 And they loved you, period. 1260 01:09:11,458 --> 01:09:14,250 You know what else they loved? Golf. 1261 01:09:14,333 --> 01:09:15,791 Oh, my God, yeah. 1262 01:09:15,875 --> 01:09:17,458 I talked to your little girl, 1263 01:09:17,541 --> 01:09:20,291 and she said you got a chance to save the whole sport 1264 01:09:20,375 --> 01:09:22,875 by playing against some clown league? 1265 01:09:22,958 --> 01:09:26,208 Yeah, well, why don't you go kick some bozo ass then? 1266 01:09:26,291 --> 01:09:27,666 Let's do it for them. 1267 01:09:30,208 --> 01:09:32,000 I am so sorry. 1268 01:09:32,083 --> 01:09:34,250 Boy, why you had to squeeze it like that? 1269 01:09:34,333 --> 01:09:36,166 I will throw these out. I can… 1270 01:09:36,250 --> 01:09:38,250 Give them here. I got some Gorilla Glue. 1271 01:09:38,333 --> 01:09:39,750 Yeah, love you, buddy. 1272 01:09:39,833 --> 01:09:41,708 Yeah, man, thank you for stopping by. 1273 01:09:43,583 --> 01:09:46,250 You know, we could use some help. 1274 01:09:46,333 --> 01:09:50,958 Oh, about time somebody recognized my genius. Say less. 1275 01:09:51,041 --> 01:09:52,250 Okay, okay. 1276 01:09:52,333 --> 01:09:53,958 Where do you think you're going, Slim? 1277 01:09:54,041 --> 01:09:56,041 I'm going to help save golf, Charley. 1278 01:09:56,125 --> 01:10:00,041 If you leave now, you ain't ever coming back, you big pork chop. 1279 01:10:00,125 --> 01:10:04,125 Damn straight I ain't never coming back, you fine-ass English hillbilly. 1280 01:10:04,875 --> 01:10:06,208 Welcome, gentlemen. 1281 01:10:06,291 --> 01:10:09,625 You are the five golfers who will represent our tour 1282 01:10:09,708 --> 01:10:12,541 in the grudge match against the Maxi League. 1283 01:10:13,125 --> 01:10:16,375 I don't have to tell you how important it is that we beat them. 1284 01:10:16,458 --> 01:10:20,666 And here to talk about how we're going to accomplish that is Shooter McGavin. 1285 01:10:22,083 --> 01:10:24,083 Thank you, Doug. I'll take it from here. 1286 01:10:25,291 --> 01:10:27,166 I want to talk to you about pressure. 1287 01:10:27,958 --> 01:10:31,333 Now, as the most successful golfer of the '90s, 1288 01:10:31,958 --> 01:10:34,666 I've faced my share, believe me, 1289 01:10:34,750 --> 01:10:37,625 but nothing like my 30 years in the can. 1290 01:10:37,708 --> 01:10:41,125 And if I let my guard down there for a nanosecond… 1291 01:10:41,833 --> 01:10:43,000 Stab! 1292 01:10:43,541 --> 01:10:46,166 I got a shiv in my guts. 1293 01:10:46,916 --> 01:10:49,833 Anyway, I hear you guys all have ice water in your veins. 1294 01:10:49,916 --> 01:10:53,541 Well, I reviewed the footage and I ain't seeing it. 1295 01:10:53,625 --> 01:10:55,791 - Man, what's happening right now? - Uh… 1296 01:10:55,875 --> 01:10:57,000 Bryson DeChambeau. 1297 01:10:58,125 --> 01:11:01,125 2022 Portland Open. Eighth hole. 1298 01:11:01,208 --> 01:11:02,833 You got a two-stroke lead. 1299 01:11:02,916 --> 01:11:06,125 You got an opportunity to pull way ahead and… 1300 01:11:07,333 --> 01:11:08,833 - Aw! - What? 1301 01:11:10,458 --> 01:11:11,583 Huh? 1302 01:11:12,541 --> 01:11:13,791 Oops. 1303 01:11:14,500 --> 01:11:16,875 Come on. We all miss a putt every now and then. 1304 01:11:16,958 --> 01:11:18,750 Scottie Scheffler. 1305 01:11:19,708 --> 01:11:20,625 Oh, boy. 1306 01:11:20,708 --> 01:11:22,958 2019 Cadillac Invitational. 1307 01:11:23,041 --> 01:11:25,416 Third hole. You're tied. Top of the leaderboard. 1308 01:11:25,500 --> 01:11:28,625 It's Sunday. Pressure's on. And you… 1309 01:11:32,250 --> 01:11:33,541 Hmm. Into the woods. 1310 01:11:34,291 --> 01:11:37,208 The woods, Scottie? Are you afraid to win? 1311 01:11:37,291 --> 01:11:39,333 - What about you? - What? 1312 01:11:39,416 --> 01:11:42,750 Yeah. 1996 Tour Championship. Final round. 1313 01:11:42,833 --> 01:11:43,833 Don't do it, boys. 1314 01:11:43,875 --> 01:11:45,583 No. This isn't relevant. 1315 01:11:45,666 --> 01:11:47,500 Four-stroke lead on the back nine? 1316 01:11:47,583 --> 01:11:49,875 The guy who beat you got hit by a Volkswagen. 1317 01:11:49,958 --> 01:11:50,958 - Jackass! - Jackass! 1318 01:11:51,000 --> 01:11:55,375 All right! Maybe I haven't handled the pressure perfectly myself, 1319 01:11:55,458 --> 01:11:58,375 but I have seen the surgically modified freaks that you're playing. 1320 01:11:58,458 --> 01:12:01,583 I have seen the monstrosity they're making you play on. 1321 01:12:01,666 --> 01:12:07,291 And if you can't take the heat, golf, as we know it, it's finished! 1322 01:12:09,583 --> 01:12:11,166 So let's do this! 1323 01:12:11,250 --> 01:12:12,958 Come on. Let's put them in. 1324 01:12:13,041 --> 01:12:14,041 All right. On three. 1325 01:12:14,125 --> 01:12:15,875 - One, two, three… Shooter! - Golf! 1326 01:12:21,291 --> 01:12:23,500 Time to prepare for a moving target. 1327 01:12:23,583 --> 01:12:24,875 The cups are gonna be moving? 1328 01:12:24,958 --> 01:12:27,291 Damn it, Rory. Nothing's off-limits for these commies. 1329 01:12:27,375 --> 01:12:29,416 - Now, Oscar's cousin… - Esteban. 1330 01:12:29,500 --> 01:12:33,625 Esteban is fast. And elusive, I'm told. 1331 01:12:33,708 --> 01:12:35,208 He's gonna start at the red flag. 1332 01:12:35,291 --> 01:12:38,708 If he makes it to the blue flag, we haven't done our jobs. 1333 01:12:38,791 --> 01:12:40,291 He's cool with us hitting him? 1334 01:12:40,375 --> 01:12:41,458 Yeah. He's been paid. 1335 01:12:41,541 --> 01:12:44,791 What did he say? 1336 01:12:44,875 --> 01:12:46,375 You're never gonna hit him. 1337 01:12:46,458 --> 01:12:47,583 Oh, yeah? How come? 1338 01:12:47,666 --> 01:12:49,500 I'm shifty! 1339 01:12:49,583 --> 01:12:51,875 Okay, he's shifty. He is. I've seen it. 1340 01:12:53,833 --> 01:12:55,750 Get your biscuits in the kitchen 1341 01:12:55,833 --> 01:12:57,291 I'm a sous chef on a mission 1342 01:12:57,375 --> 01:12:59,375 Baby, wiggle it, it's vicious 1343 01:12:59,458 --> 01:13:01,500 We about to break the dishes 1344 01:13:01,583 --> 01:13:03,583 Got the pepper with the sodium 1345 01:13:03,666 --> 01:13:06,666 We cookin' with petroleum Come step up to the podium 1346 01:13:06,750 --> 01:13:07,666 It's too easy! 1347 01:13:07,750 --> 01:13:08,875 And cut up this linoleum 1348 01:13:10,875 --> 01:13:12,125 Yeah! 1349 01:13:12,750 --> 01:13:13,750 You got me! 1350 01:13:14,333 --> 01:13:16,375 Come on, cousin. You're almost there. 1351 01:13:28,583 --> 01:13:30,625 Okay, stop! We got him. We got him. 1352 01:13:33,541 --> 01:13:34,958 I said stop! Who did that? 1353 01:13:38,083 --> 01:13:40,791 Oscar. You sicko. 1354 01:13:41,791 --> 01:13:43,631 - So I got a hockey question for you. - Uh-huh. 1355 01:13:43,708 --> 01:13:45,541 I notice when the players fight, 1356 01:13:45,625 --> 01:13:48,625 one of the guys is always pulling the jersey over the head of the other guy 1357 01:13:48,708 --> 01:13:50,428 - before he starts pounding on him. - Right. 1358 01:13:50,458 --> 01:13:51,458 - Yeah. - Is that hard? 1359 01:13:51,500 --> 01:13:54,416 - No, it's easy. You want me to show you? - Yes, please. 1360 01:13:54,500 --> 01:13:56,541 Brother. Can I borrow you for a second? 1361 01:13:56,625 --> 01:13:58,916 Basically all you do is pull the shirt over. 1362 01:13:59,000 --> 01:14:00,875 This traps the arms. You know? 1363 01:14:00,958 --> 01:14:02,500 - Yeah. - Knockout. Money. 1364 01:14:02,583 --> 01:14:03,750 - You sure? - Yeah. 1365 01:14:03,833 --> 01:14:05,333 Okay. How much? 1366 01:14:05,416 --> 01:14:06,666 Fifty. 1367 01:14:06,750 --> 01:14:09,958 Uh, I'll give you a hundred. Here we go. You know what I mean? 1368 01:14:10,041 --> 01:14:11,083 Yeah. That was nice. 1369 01:14:11,166 --> 01:14:13,791 - Okay. Money. - Okay. You got it, Scottie. I'm broke. 1370 01:14:13,875 --> 01:14:15,458 - Thank you. - There you go. Okay. 1371 01:14:15,541 --> 01:14:17,166 Great job, today, by the way. 1372 01:14:17,250 --> 01:14:19,666 - Excellent. Yeah, it's fun. - Yeah. That was easy. 1373 01:14:19,750 --> 01:14:21,250 I love my job. 1374 01:14:21,333 --> 01:14:26,000 Mini-golf-style putting is about two things, angles and obstacles. 1375 01:14:26,083 --> 01:14:30,000 If you can read the angles, you can avoid the obstacles. 1376 01:14:30,083 --> 01:14:32,958 Let's putt so we can figure those angles out. 1377 01:14:34,041 --> 01:14:35,666 Yes! Scheffler! 1378 01:14:38,291 --> 01:14:40,333 Yeah, you're right. 1379 01:14:40,416 --> 01:14:44,833 One more day before we face these chumps. This is how I used to toughen up. 1380 01:14:52,416 --> 01:14:55,250 Oh, my God, Rory! 1381 01:14:55,333 --> 01:14:57,250 Okay, Oscar, let's see your stuff. 1382 01:15:11,416 --> 01:15:15,416 Sittin' down is stupid Now let me see you move it 1383 01:15:16,208 --> 01:15:19,375 Oh! Do you want breadsticks? 1384 01:15:24,125 --> 01:15:26,708 A batting cage to toughen up? 1385 01:15:26,791 --> 01:15:29,250 I love how much we're in your head. 1386 01:15:29,333 --> 01:15:31,375 Oh, I think we're in your head, Brendan. 1387 01:15:31,458 --> 01:15:34,208 Otherwise, you wouldn't be snooping around and following us. 1388 01:15:34,291 --> 01:15:35,291 My name is Billy. 1389 01:15:35,375 --> 01:15:36,583 Hey, settle down, Barry, 1390 01:15:36,666 --> 01:15:38,875 and get off the electric Royce. No leaning. 1391 01:15:39,583 --> 01:15:42,708 Look, Happy, I don't want to have to humiliate you tomorrow. 1392 01:15:43,833 --> 01:15:45,833 You're in the DNA of my league. 1393 01:15:45,916 --> 01:15:48,041 The way you rebelled against the traditions 1394 01:15:48,125 --> 01:15:50,291 and fussiness of golf, it was beautiful. 1395 01:15:50,375 --> 01:15:53,000 So I'm gonna offer you one last chance to be a part of it, okay? 1396 01:15:53,083 --> 01:15:53,916 Hell no. 1397 01:15:54,000 --> 01:15:57,375 And you look like Freddy Krueger worked at Starbucks. Change it. 1398 01:15:58,041 --> 01:15:59,583 I'll give you 10% of the company. 1399 01:16:01,833 --> 01:16:04,958 I can't believe I'm the one sticking up for tradition, but… 1400 01:16:05,041 --> 01:16:08,833 My wife liked the way golf was played, as is. 1401 01:16:08,916 --> 01:16:11,250 And she was pretty much right about everything. 1402 01:16:11,833 --> 01:16:15,791 So sorry, boys, but tomorrow, your dumb league is done. 1403 01:16:15,875 --> 01:16:18,791 No, tomorrow, I'm gonna finish the revolution you started. 1404 01:16:18,875 --> 01:16:21,000 I heard what you said about my breath to Bubba Watson. 1405 01:16:21,083 --> 01:16:23,666 I have gingivitis. It's hereditary, okay? 1406 01:16:23,750 --> 01:16:27,166 And I got it from my great-grandfather. So I'm so sorry. 1407 01:16:27,250 --> 01:16:29,583 I'm literally smelling it from here. 1408 01:16:29,666 --> 01:16:31,375 And the wind is blowing that way. 1409 01:16:31,458 --> 01:16:34,125 Something has to change in your life. I'm telling you. 1410 01:16:55,333 --> 01:16:56,333 Okay. 1411 01:16:57,458 --> 01:16:58,875 Come here. Bring it in. 1412 01:16:58,958 --> 01:17:01,833 I just wanted to say thank you guys for always getting me back on track. 1413 01:17:01,916 --> 01:17:03,291 - I love you. - Love you. 1414 01:17:03,375 --> 01:17:06,750 This ain't about Vivi going to dance school. It's about saving golf? 1415 01:17:06,833 --> 01:17:08,250 Maybe we can do both, 1416 01:17:08,333 --> 01:17:10,375 but we will figure that out, I promise. 1417 01:17:10,458 --> 01:17:12,750 Because we're Gilmores, and we don't know how to stop. 1418 01:17:12,833 --> 01:17:14,500 Hell yeah, Pop, let's go! 1419 01:17:14,583 --> 01:17:16,875 And don't forget to feed John Daly three times a day. 1420 01:17:16,958 --> 01:17:17,791 - Okay. - Got it. 1421 01:17:17,875 --> 01:17:19,416 - Love you guys. - You heard him. 1422 01:17:19,500 --> 01:17:20,750 Let's do this for Mom. 1423 01:17:20,833 --> 01:17:22,291 - For Mom! - For Mommy. 1424 01:17:23,041 --> 01:17:24,500 - You got this. - That's right. 1425 01:17:25,083 --> 01:17:26,750 That's right. She deserves it. 1426 01:17:26,833 --> 01:17:29,041 Go get 'em, Dad. 1427 01:17:29,125 --> 01:17:30,125 Pop… 1428 01:17:30,958 --> 01:17:31,958 - All right. - Yeah! 1429 01:17:32,041 --> 01:17:33,458 - What's going on? - Let's go. 1430 01:17:33,541 --> 01:17:34,892 - Go Dad, you got this. - Go Daddy! 1431 01:17:34,916 --> 01:17:36,583 - What's going on? - Stupid. 1432 01:17:37,291 --> 01:17:39,541 - Damn it. - Are you kidding me? 1433 01:17:47,083 --> 01:17:48,250 What are you doing? 1434 01:17:48,333 --> 01:17:49,500 What's with this guy? 1435 01:17:49,583 --> 01:17:51,166 What you doing hitting my dad's car? 1436 01:17:51,250 --> 01:17:53,208 This is a family affair, bro! 1437 01:17:53,291 --> 01:17:56,583 Take him down, boys! Let's go! 1438 01:17:56,666 --> 01:17:59,166 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! - What's he doing? 1439 01:17:59,250 --> 01:18:00,625 Get him! 1440 01:18:00,708 --> 01:18:01,916 Chase him! That's right! 1441 01:18:02,000 --> 01:18:03,958 - Where you going? - Get him! 1442 01:18:04,041 --> 01:18:05,458 What the hell is happening? 1443 01:18:09,083 --> 01:18:12,375 Welcome to an event unique in the annals of sport. 1444 01:18:13,083 --> 01:18:16,666 A one-time showdown between golf's greatest players 1445 01:18:17,250 --> 01:18:20,791 and the wild upstarts who seek to supplant them. 1446 01:18:20,875 --> 01:18:22,583 Let's get it on. 1447 01:18:22,666 --> 01:18:25,500 Welcome to the Maxi Tour Challenge. 1448 01:18:25,583 --> 01:18:29,125 I'm Verne Lundquist, along with my partner, Jack Beard, 1449 01:18:29,208 --> 01:18:32,791 and my new partner, DJ Omar Gosh. 1450 01:18:32,875 --> 01:18:35,208 Truly bitching to be here, Verne. 1451 01:18:37,875 --> 01:18:39,875 Ladies and gentlemen of planet Earth! 1452 01:18:41,333 --> 01:18:44,833 Are you prepared to have your minds blown? 1453 01:18:47,958 --> 01:18:51,791 I'm tippy-toeing. I said I'm tip... Thank you. 1454 01:18:51,875 --> 01:18:56,458 I said are you guys ready to see some golf so exciting your heads will explode? 1455 01:18:56,541 --> 01:18:57,625 Whoo! 1456 01:18:58,416 --> 01:19:00,958 Here are the Maxi Golfers! 1457 01:19:01,041 --> 01:19:03,000 Go Harley! 1458 01:19:03,083 --> 01:19:04,875 We've got Harley… 1459 01:19:05,833 --> 01:19:06,875 Flex! 1460 01:19:07,916 --> 01:19:08,916 Screech! 1461 01:19:09,583 --> 01:19:10,875 8 Ball! 1462 01:19:11,500 --> 01:19:15,041 And Tour Champion Billy Jenkins! 1463 01:19:27,625 --> 01:19:29,916 And now let's welcome their opponents, 1464 01:19:30,000 --> 01:19:32,958 the Basic Vanilla Regular Golfers. 1465 01:19:33,041 --> 01:19:35,416 Boo! 1466 01:19:38,500 --> 01:19:39,875 Goodbye to you 1467 01:19:41,500 --> 01:19:42,875 Goodbye to you 1468 01:19:42,958 --> 01:19:45,041 Holy shit! Is that Shooter McGavin? 1469 01:19:45,625 --> 01:19:47,000 Look who decided to show. 1470 01:19:47,083 --> 01:19:48,958 You never finished your pancakes, by the way. 1471 01:19:49,041 --> 01:19:50,750 You want coffee in your other eye? 1472 01:19:50,833 --> 01:19:54,291 Ha! Get a furlough from the Funny Farm, Shitter? 1473 01:19:54,375 --> 01:19:56,791 - Laugh it up Blue Balls. - It's 8 Ball! 1474 01:19:56,875 --> 01:19:59,416 Your name's Davis Miller. You're my brother's college roommate. 1475 01:19:59,500 --> 01:20:02,500 It's 8 Ball now! Tell him I said what's up. 1476 01:20:02,583 --> 01:20:05,416 You guys get these clothes from the Lost and Found at Comic-Con? 1477 01:20:05,500 --> 01:20:07,916 Did you get these melons from your mommy? Yeah? 1478 01:20:08,000 --> 01:20:09,833 Don't twist my boy's titties! Those are mine! 1479 01:20:09,916 --> 01:20:13,500 Hey, I'll twist your head off, slap-nuts! 1480 01:20:13,583 --> 01:20:15,916 Break it up! All right, knock it off! 1481 01:20:16,000 --> 01:20:18,625 Golfers, we have a seven-hole course. 1482 01:20:18,708 --> 01:20:22,000 First up, Mr. Scheffler going up against Mr. Harley. 1483 01:20:22,083 --> 01:20:25,791 Ladies and gentlemen, let's play some Maxi Golf! 1484 01:20:27,583 --> 01:20:31,291 - Let's drink up! Come on, let's go! - Yeah! All right! Whoo! 1485 01:20:31,375 --> 01:20:32,625 - Here. - No, I'm good. 1486 01:20:34,500 --> 01:20:35,791 - You got your own. - Mmm. 1487 01:20:35,875 --> 01:20:37,333 - I want to try that. - Mmm-mmm. 1488 01:20:38,041 --> 01:20:41,291 And so it begins, hole number one. 1489 01:20:41,375 --> 01:20:43,916 Best of five matches, so we only gotta win three of them today. 1490 01:20:44,000 --> 01:20:45,791 I say we sweep these goofy bitches. 1491 01:20:45,875 --> 01:20:47,291 - That's a good idea. - Yeah. 1492 01:20:50,833 --> 01:20:54,000 The fairway's a forest? I don't even know where to lay up. 1493 01:20:54,083 --> 01:20:56,250 Or you don't lay-up, 1494 01:20:56,333 --> 01:20:59,833 and you crush the ball 500 yards over the trees. 1495 01:21:09,500 --> 01:21:10,541 Whoa. 1496 01:21:16,000 --> 01:21:19,291 And Harley clears the entire forest. 1497 01:21:21,458 --> 01:21:24,333 You ain't number one on this tour, chump. 1498 01:21:25,458 --> 01:21:27,125 You smell like my stepfather. 1499 01:21:28,541 --> 01:21:31,333 Let's go, Scottie. Come on, now. Let's shake that off. 1500 01:21:31,416 --> 01:21:32,875 You the man, Scottie! 1501 01:21:33,541 --> 01:21:35,208 Miss it! Miss it! 1502 01:21:44,583 --> 01:21:46,250 Quite An impressive right cross, 1503 01:21:46,333 --> 01:21:49,541 but Scottie Scheffler is going to be disqualified 1504 01:21:49,625 --> 01:21:51,708 before ever swinging a club. 1505 01:21:51,791 --> 01:21:54,416 Whoo! That was some gangster shit. 1506 01:21:54,500 --> 01:21:57,000 Gangster shit indeed. 1507 01:21:57,083 --> 01:21:58,250 There goes the sweep. 1508 01:21:58,333 --> 01:21:59,333 Yeah. 1509 01:22:00,791 --> 01:22:02,666 Oh, no, not again. 1510 01:22:02,750 --> 01:22:04,750 - Come on. - I know the drill. 1511 01:22:05,666 --> 01:22:07,500 - Bye-bye! - Sorry, boys. 1512 01:22:07,583 --> 01:22:09,916 We'll take care of business, all right? 1513 01:22:10,000 --> 01:22:13,041 Next on the tee, Rory McIlroy and Screech. 1514 01:22:17,958 --> 01:22:18,958 Screech? 1515 01:22:19,000 --> 01:22:20,000 They call me Screech 1516 01:22:20,083 --> 01:22:23,916 'cause that's the sound my chainsaw makes every time I tear up a golf course. 1517 01:22:24,000 --> 01:22:26,083 Isn't Screech a character in Saved by the Bell? 1518 01:22:27,291 --> 01:22:28,833 I'm not familiar with that program. 1519 01:22:28,916 --> 01:22:31,125 He was like the comic relief on the show. 1520 01:22:31,208 --> 01:22:33,000 Yeah, like the white Urkel. 1521 01:22:33,083 --> 01:22:34,875 Nobody cares about that '90s shit! 1522 01:22:35,791 --> 01:22:36,708 Those guys do. 1523 01:22:36,791 --> 01:22:37,833 I love you, Screech! 1524 01:22:41,791 --> 01:22:43,666 Let's just play Maxi Golf, all right? 1525 01:22:46,958 --> 01:22:50,333 The rest of the Maxi team has no problem clearing the trees. 1526 01:22:54,541 --> 01:22:56,791 The regular golfers, not so much. 1527 01:22:57,500 --> 01:23:00,125 Go, go! 1528 01:23:00,208 --> 01:23:01,666 Hold on! I'm speeding! 1529 01:23:04,833 --> 01:23:06,791 - There it is! Right there! - Yeah, okay. 1530 01:23:08,166 --> 01:23:10,000 Oh, my God. There goes the 8. 1531 01:23:12,666 --> 01:23:13,666 Shut up! 1532 01:23:15,750 --> 01:23:18,125 Here we go! To the right! Whoo! 1533 01:23:20,458 --> 01:23:22,083 Yeah! 1534 01:23:22,166 --> 01:23:24,041 Looking a little tired, Bry-Bry. 1535 01:23:24,125 --> 01:23:26,166 You're looking like you wanna go for a swim, Davis. 1536 01:23:26,250 --> 01:23:28,916 This is the new golf, Bryson, and it's 8 Ball! 1537 01:23:37,125 --> 01:23:38,208 Where's my ball? 1538 01:23:38,291 --> 01:23:39,833 Bad shot, Happy. 1539 01:23:39,916 --> 01:23:42,916 This'll make you feel better. How about you take just a sip? 1540 01:23:49,208 --> 01:23:52,333 Wow. 1541 01:23:52,416 --> 01:23:56,166 We're doing a breath contest? Yeah, I'd walk away too, pal. 1542 01:23:56,250 --> 01:23:58,750 Mcllroy's tee shot landed in the right bunker, 1543 01:23:58,833 --> 01:24:02,083 which, like much of this hole, appears to be on fire. 1544 01:24:05,708 --> 01:24:06,791 Screech! 1545 01:24:13,291 --> 01:24:14,458 Yeah! 1546 01:24:15,958 --> 01:24:17,666 Viva regular golf! 1547 01:24:19,208 --> 01:24:21,375 Hey, man. I'm gonna change the channel. 1548 01:24:21,458 --> 01:24:24,000 Frankie, sit your ass down. We're watching golf. 1549 01:24:24,708 --> 01:24:26,166 All right. I'm sorry. 1550 01:24:28,375 --> 01:24:29,875 Get in the hole. 1551 01:24:32,583 --> 01:24:36,416 Oh! Wow! 1552 01:24:37,833 --> 01:24:40,958 That's what I'm talking about, baby. 1553 01:24:41,041 --> 01:24:43,458 God damn it, I just washed that. 1554 01:24:43,541 --> 01:24:46,375 It seems like nothing is gonna slow Gilmore down. 1555 01:24:46,458 --> 01:24:49,250 All right. See you try and beat this one, Happy. 1556 01:24:52,666 --> 01:24:54,083 Let's go, Gilmore! 1557 01:24:55,833 --> 01:24:57,416 - You jackass. - What the… 1558 01:24:58,041 --> 01:24:59,375 Oh! 1559 01:24:59,458 --> 01:25:02,541 Are you kidding me right now? You just cost me the hole, dude! 1560 01:25:02,625 --> 01:25:05,750 Happy Gilmore. 1561 01:25:05,833 --> 01:25:07,958 Man, I wish my father was here to see this. 1562 01:25:08,041 --> 01:25:09,125 Ya jackass. 1563 01:25:09,208 --> 01:25:10,208 Jackass. 1564 01:25:10,250 --> 01:25:11,708 - Jackass! - There he is. 1565 01:25:11,791 --> 01:25:15,791 Unfortunately… …he's in the great Sizzler in the sky. 1566 01:25:15,875 --> 01:25:18,000 Know what? I don't miss that dude at all. 1567 01:25:18,083 --> 01:25:19,875 What are you gonna do, Happy boy? 1568 01:25:19,958 --> 01:25:23,083 Unless you wanna go to jail, you can't hit me. Jackass. 1569 01:25:23,166 --> 01:25:24,708 Oh, my goodness! 1570 01:25:24,791 --> 01:25:27,125 Yeah… but we can. 1571 01:25:27,208 --> 01:25:28,125 You guys came? 1572 01:25:28,208 --> 01:25:29,708 This your posse? 1573 01:25:29,791 --> 01:25:31,625 - This is what I do. - Okay, let's see. 1574 01:25:31,708 --> 01:25:33,750 There's only four of you? Better go get some help! 1575 01:25:34,458 --> 01:25:36,500 Okay. Okay. 1576 01:25:36,583 --> 01:25:39,500 - Come on! Get him up, boys! - I know a lot about fighting. 1577 01:25:39,583 --> 01:25:42,708 I'll bite your leg off. You want some smoke? 1578 01:25:44,583 --> 01:25:47,666 This ain't nothing. Now you got me really pissed. 1579 01:25:47,750 --> 01:25:49,916 Oh, what is this? You want some of this? 1580 01:25:50,000 --> 01:25:51,208 Look at the gators! 1581 01:25:51,291 --> 01:25:53,958 You brought the whole family. 1582 01:25:54,041 --> 01:25:55,208 Oh, my dick! 1583 01:25:55,291 --> 01:25:57,416 Oh! Whoa! Detroit! 1584 01:25:58,875 --> 01:26:00,583 I just don't give a... 1585 01:26:04,375 --> 01:26:06,291 Put some respect on my name, bitch. 1586 01:26:06,375 --> 01:26:09,875 - What is he doing to those gators? - Jackass! 1587 01:26:10,750 --> 01:26:13,791 Well, it looks like we have our first fatality. 1588 01:26:14,666 --> 01:26:16,041 Whoo! 1589 01:26:16,125 --> 01:26:17,625 If you can believe it, 1590 01:26:17,708 --> 01:26:20,166 the Maxi Golfers are up two matches to one, 1591 01:26:20,250 --> 01:26:21,833 which means Koepka and Gilmore 1592 01:26:21,916 --> 01:26:25,750 are going to have to win out in order to defeat the Maxi team. 1593 01:26:25,833 --> 01:26:28,041 All right there, Flex! Come on, Flex! 1594 01:26:29,250 --> 01:26:31,125 Boom! 1595 01:26:35,291 --> 01:26:36,916 - Nice shot, hottie! - Ooh! 1596 01:26:37,000 --> 01:26:39,083 No pressure, Boobs Getchya. 1597 01:26:39,166 --> 01:26:41,458 Next on the tee, Brooks Koepka. 1598 01:26:41,541 --> 01:26:45,458 To me, the smartest play is to come up short of the icy green 1599 01:26:45,541 --> 01:26:48,125 and give yourself a chance to chip it in. 1600 01:26:55,416 --> 01:26:57,333 Yes! Oh, God! 1601 01:26:58,583 --> 01:27:00,541 Sorry, guys. I knew I shouldn't have fist-pumped. 1602 01:27:00,625 --> 01:27:02,000 Sucks for you guys. 1603 01:27:02,083 --> 01:27:04,916 Another disqualification. Game over. 1604 01:27:05,000 --> 01:27:09,416 No, wait. In the event of an injury, we have the right to substitute. 1605 01:27:09,500 --> 01:27:10,625 All right, fine. Fine. 1606 01:27:11,500 --> 01:27:12,583 Who you guys got? 1607 01:27:12,666 --> 01:27:14,333 The one and only. 1608 01:27:19,750 --> 01:27:20,750 What's that now? 1609 01:27:21,916 --> 01:27:24,666 And a wild day just got a bit wilder. 1610 01:27:24,750 --> 01:27:27,458 Shooter McGavin will take over for Brooks Koepka 1611 01:27:27,541 --> 01:27:30,666 here on the sixth hole and the putt from Flex. 1612 01:27:33,541 --> 01:27:35,500 Oh, it's off course. 1613 01:27:35,583 --> 01:27:38,416 I think I see an opening. 1614 01:27:38,500 --> 01:27:41,125 Let's go, Scooter! Clock's a-tickin'! 1615 01:27:41,208 --> 01:27:43,458 This is a joke. I'm not a competitive golfer anymore. 1616 01:27:43,541 --> 01:27:46,083 What are you talking about? You still got the shooter in you. 1617 01:27:46,166 --> 01:27:47,666 That guy's long gone, Gilmore. 1618 01:27:47,750 --> 01:27:50,708 No. He's sleeping. It's time to wake him up. 1619 01:27:50,791 --> 01:27:53,208 Look at these punks. The B-lists. 1620 01:27:53,291 --> 01:27:55,625 - Never won shit on the real tour. - Yeah. 1621 01:27:55,708 --> 01:27:57,541 And now they're laughing at Shooter McGavin, 1622 01:27:57,625 --> 01:28:01,166 the greatest golfer of the '90s, except for me and Tiger? 1623 01:28:01,833 --> 01:28:05,916 How dare they? How dare they disrespect you? 1624 01:28:06,000 --> 01:28:07,250 Where should they go? 1625 01:28:08,041 --> 01:28:10,166 - Back. - Back where? 1626 01:28:10,250 --> 01:28:12,458 - Back to… - To their what? 1627 01:28:12,541 --> 01:28:14,791 - To their shanties. - Aha! 1628 01:28:14,875 --> 01:28:16,750 Because this is whose tour? 1629 01:28:16,833 --> 01:28:18,416 It's Shooter's, Shooter's tour. 1630 01:28:18,500 --> 01:28:20,250 - Whose tour? - It's Shooter's tour! 1631 01:28:20,333 --> 01:28:23,875 - Whose tour? - It's Shooter's tour, baby! 1632 01:28:25,083 --> 01:28:26,333 Yeah! 1633 01:28:26,416 --> 01:28:28,416 He's got the old pistols back again. 1634 01:28:28,500 --> 01:28:31,250 - Give the man his lob wedge. - Oh, I'm feeling it now. 1635 01:28:33,083 --> 01:28:34,791 No pressure. No pressure. 1636 01:28:34,875 --> 01:28:38,000 You're not gonna make it, Shooter. Tick tock. 1637 01:28:40,083 --> 01:28:42,541 - Five, four… - No! 1638 01:28:44,000 --> 01:28:47,875 …three, two, one! 1639 01:28:47,958 --> 01:28:50,958 You've got to be kidding me! 1640 01:28:52,625 --> 01:28:53,625 Oh, my God! 1641 01:28:53,666 --> 01:28:55,750 Well, how do you do? 1642 01:28:55,833 --> 01:29:00,500 Shooter McGavin jars the cup, wins the hole and his match. 1643 01:29:00,583 --> 01:29:02,458 Shooter! Shooter! 1644 01:29:02,541 --> 01:29:05,000 Come on now! Choke on that! 1645 01:29:05,083 --> 01:29:08,750 That leaves us tied with only Billy Jenkins 1646 01:29:08,833 --> 01:29:11,916 and Happy Gilmore left to be decided. 1647 01:29:13,708 --> 01:29:17,333 And it's come down to this. The final hole. 1648 01:29:17,416 --> 01:29:20,083 Winner take all. The shot clocks are off. 1649 01:29:20,166 --> 01:29:22,041 The pressure is on. 1650 01:29:22,125 --> 01:29:25,791 The future of regular golf hangs in the balance. 1651 01:29:25,875 --> 01:29:29,000 Thousand-yard par four. That's a little long. 1652 01:29:29,083 --> 01:29:30,541 Not for me, big man. 1653 01:29:32,708 --> 01:29:34,458 Yeah. Check this out. 1654 01:29:42,333 --> 01:29:43,541 Hello? 1655 01:29:43,625 --> 01:29:47,125 Woo-woo! 1656 01:29:53,625 --> 01:29:56,458 Whoa! 1657 01:29:56,541 --> 01:30:01,125 That is the longest drive I have ever seen. 1658 01:30:01,208 --> 01:30:04,541 Hey, you remember my name now? Bitch. 1659 01:30:05,958 --> 01:30:08,041 I'd like to forget ever seeing that hip thing. 1660 01:30:08,125 --> 01:30:09,291 That was disgusting. 1661 01:30:09,375 --> 01:30:11,541 Jenkins can be on the green in two, 1662 01:30:11,625 --> 01:30:16,000 while Gilmore has no hope of getting on in less than three strokes. 1663 01:30:16,083 --> 01:30:17,583 Verne, that sucks. 1664 01:30:20,000 --> 01:30:22,583 Okay to use that hate one last time, Slim? 1665 01:30:22,666 --> 01:30:24,708 Yeah, let it all out. 1666 01:30:31,041 --> 01:30:32,666 Ain't no surgery for that. 1667 01:30:36,000 --> 01:30:37,750 Come on, Happy, let's go. 1668 01:30:39,666 --> 01:30:43,666 You never made the Bruins because you suck at skating. 1669 01:30:43,750 --> 01:30:46,125 You shut your stupid face. 1670 01:30:46,208 --> 01:30:47,375 Who's he talking to? 1671 01:30:47,458 --> 01:30:50,125 Oh! And your daughter's never going to ballet school 1672 01:30:50,208 --> 01:30:52,291 because her dad's a washed up drunk. 1673 01:30:52,375 --> 01:30:54,208 I'm gonna kill you! 1674 01:30:58,500 --> 01:30:59,583 Uh-oh. 1675 01:31:23,291 --> 01:31:25,833 Somebody went further. 1676 01:31:25,916 --> 01:31:27,416 Yeah… 1677 01:31:27,500 --> 01:31:30,500 Bitch! 1678 01:31:34,458 --> 01:31:36,083 Jenkins is first to hit. 1679 01:31:42,750 --> 01:31:44,166 Yes! 1680 01:31:45,916 --> 01:31:49,916 Oh, and by the way, all four of your boys are dumb! 1681 01:31:50,000 --> 01:31:51,500 What did you say? 1682 01:31:52,583 --> 01:31:56,458 - Ow! Ooh! - Aw. 1683 01:31:56,541 --> 01:31:58,083 Yeah! 1684 01:31:58,666 --> 01:32:01,583 I can't believe there's taxis without drivers, 1685 01:32:01,666 --> 01:32:07,000 AI girlfriends, and now, quite possibly, the end of traditional golf. 1686 01:32:12,250 --> 01:32:13,250 I'll go first. 1687 01:32:13,333 --> 01:32:16,041 Give you a chance to think about how you're going to play that. 1688 01:32:17,375 --> 01:32:19,083 - Whoa! - Whoa! 1689 01:32:20,375 --> 01:32:23,375 Billy Jenkins, you stepped on it and stepped in it. 1690 01:32:23,458 --> 01:32:25,416 Shut up, Edward Woodenhand. 1691 01:32:25,500 --> 01:32:28,916 Screw you, Cabbage Patch Kid. 1692 01:32:37,083 --> 01:32:38,666 Take your time. 1693 01:32:38,750 --> 01:32:40,458 Go get my lob wedge. Wait. 1694 01:32:43,291 --> 01:32:44,458 Go stand right there. 1695 01:32:52,833 --> 01:32:53,833 Okay. 1696 01:32:55,166 --> 01:32:56,708 Right in the back of the cup. 1697 01:32:59,541 --> 01:33:03,083 - No, don't get off! God! - Oh! 1698 01:33:03,166 --> 01:33:04,333 - Vecsey! - What? 1699 01:33:04,416 --> 01:33:05,750 God damn it. 1700 01:33:06,375 --> 01:33:08,291 Excuse me. Know what? You're fired. 1701 01:33:08,375 --> 01:33:09,541 Makes sense. 1702 01:33:09,625 --> 01:33:12,500 Will you quit messing this up and make this? Come on. 1703 01:33:12,583 --> 01:33:14,208 I'm trying, sir. 1704 01:33:14,291 --> 01:33:15,833 Just get it on the right line. 1705 01:33:15,916 --> 01:33:17,541 Coming right up, sir. 1706 01:33:27,875 --> 01:33:32,375 And Billy Jenkins is in for four. 1707 01:33:32,458 --> 01:33:34,166 - Yeah! - Choke on that one, Happy! 1708 01:33:34,833 --> 01:33:39,250 Gilmore has only two shots left to even tie this thing. 1709 01:33:39,333 --> 01:33:43,625 I'm not even playing and my palms are sweaty. Mom's spaghetti. 1710 01:33:44,333 --> 01:33:46,250 I can't get a damn swing off here. 1711 01:33:46,333 --> 01:33:48,541 You got any ideas? We're in trouble, dude. 1712 01:33:48,625 --> 01:33:51,666 Hmm. I say ricochet that shit. 1713 01:33:53,208 --> 01:33:54,500 Yeah, that's a good idea. 1714 01:34:02,125 --> 01:34:04,666 Amazing! 1715 01:34:04,750 --> 01:34:05,750 Did it go in? 1716 01:34:05,791 --> 01:34:07,250 Not that amazing. 1717 01:34:08,916 --> 01:34:10,291 You nervous? 1718 01:34:10,375 --> 01:34:13,500 No, just… Can I use your mailbox? 1719 01:34:13,583 --> 01:34:15,291 The question now is, 1720 01:34:15,375 --> 01:34:17,958 how do you hit on a green you can't stand on? 1721 01:34:18,833 --> 01:34:19,833 What do I do? 1722 01:34:20,458 --> 01:34:21,916 Here we go, Dad! 1723 01:34:22,000 --> 01:34:24,041 - Dad, let's go! - Let's go! All you! 1724 01:34:24,125 --> 01:34:25,625 - Right now! - All right. 1725 01:34:25,708 --> 01:34:26,750 What's the plan? 1726 01:34:27,500 --> 01:34:28,750 How about this? 1727 01:34:28,833 --> 01:34:30,833 Go to the other side directly across from me. 1728 01:34:30,916 --> 01:34:32,375 - Yes, sir. - Okay. 1729 01:34:32,458 --> 01:34:34,583 - Oscar. Hey. - Yeah, go! 1730 01:34:34,666 --> 01:34:36,875 Oh, God, I can't bear to watch. 1731 01:34:36,958 --> 01:34:39,333 Oscar, how much do you weigh? 1732 01:34:40,083 --> 01:34:41,458 170. 1733 01:34:42,333 --> 01:34:43,833 Pick up the bag, please. 1734 01:34:45,208 --> 01:34:47,000 Actually, take two clubs out. 1735 01:34:47,083 --> 01:34:49,458 Two clubs. Two. Two clubs. 1736 01:34:49,541 --> 01:34:51,625 Okay. Pick the bag up again. 1737 01:34:52,666 --> 01:34:55,500 And on the count of three, we're stepping on the green. 1738 01:34:55,583 --> 01:34:57,625 - Okay. - Are you ready? 1739 01:34:57,708 --> 01:35:03,166 And one, two… three! 1740 01:35:04,208 --> 01:35:05,375 Whoa, oh... Hey… 1741 01:35:06,500 --> 01:35:09,333 That's it. That's it. Okay, we're gonna hop forward. 1742 01:35:09,416 --> 01:35:12,458 One. Two. Three. 1743 01:35:12,541 --> 01:35:15,250 Ooh. 1744 01:35:17,291 --> 01:35:18,416 Okay. 1745 01:35:20,083 --> 01:35:21,250 Now to the left. 1746 01:35:22,000 --> 01:35:24,166 One, two, three. 1747 01:35:25,375 --> 01:35:26,833 That's it. 1748 01:35:26,916 --> 01:35:30,416 Now we're gonna go sideways… Two, three. 1749 01:35:33,166 --> 01:35:36,000 Ooh, Oscar… Nice work. 1750 01:35:36,083 --> 01:35:37,583 Check this out. 1751 01:35:38,166 --> 01:35:39,166 Whoa! 1752 01:35:40,541 --> 01:35:42,625 - What's happening? - What the… 1753 01:35:42,708 --> 01:35:46,375 Sorry, Happy, I had to. We don't do tiebreakers at Maxi. 1754 01:35:46,458 --> 01:35:48,166 How about we raise the stakes? 1755 01:35:48,250 --> 01:35:50,541 I end this whole project if you sink this putt. 1756 01:35:50,625 --> 01:35:51,958 And if I miss? 1757 01:35:52,041 --> 01:35:54,083 It's simple. You join Maxi League. 1758 01:35:59,791 --> 01:36:01,333 How about this? 1759 01:36:01,416 --> 01:36:03,125 You pay for my daughter's dance school, 1760 01:36:03,208 --> 01:36:04,625 buy me my grandma's house back, 1761 01:36:04,708 --> 01:36:06,625 plus I get your Rolls-Royce, 1762 01:36:07,375 --> 01:36:10,125 plus you gotta buy Oscar his own restaurant. 1763 01:36:11,041 --> 01:36:12,833 What kind of restaurant are we talking here? 1764 01:36:12,916 --> 01:36:14,458 What kind of food, Oscar? 1765 01:36:14,541 --> 01:36:16,916 Sushi. No, no, no. Italian. 1766 01:36:17,000 --> 01:36:18,875 Fine. You're on. 1767 01:36:18,958 --> 01:36:21,875 You heard it. There'll be no playoff today. 1768 01:36:22,958 --> 01:36:24,125 Oscar, I have bad news. 1769 01:36:25,416 --> 01:36:27,333 I'm holding a sand wedge. I need a putter. 1770 01:36:29,000 --> 01:36:31,166 Just take it slowly out of the bag. 1771 01:36:32,500 --> 01:36:36,458 That's it. That's it. Take the sock off. 1772 01:36:36,541 --> 01:36:39,500 Okay, so we're gonna throw it to each other on the count of three. 1773 01:36:39,583 --> 01:36:40,875 - Okay. - We can do this. 1774 01:36:42,166 --> 01:36:45,291 One, two, three. 1775 01:36:46,041 --> 01:36:49,750 - Oh! - Okay. I caught my own club. 1776 01:36:50,708 --> 01:36:52,708 Physics is a bitch, isn't it? 1777 01:36:53,541 --> 01:36:55,000 Here's what we're gonna do. 1778 01:36:55,083 --> 01:36:57,458 We're gonna throw it straight up in the sky. 1779 01:36:57,541 --> 01:36:58,583 Let's do this. 1780 01:36:58,666 --> 01:37:00,458 Do not get sick, Oscar. 1781 01:37:00,541 --> 01:37:05,708 - Okay. One, two, three. - One, two… 1782 01:37:10,291 --> 01:37:11,166 Yes! 1783 01:37:11,250 --> 01:37:13,833 Let's go! Let's go, Hap! 1784 01:37:13,916 --> 01:37:16,708 High five. High… 1785 01:37:18,083 --> 01:37:21,666 Hey, Gilmore can do this. I've seen it. I lived it. 1786 01:37:22,458 --> 01:37:25,708 Wow. Cool. How bout we take this to the Maxi? 1787 01:37:29,708 --> 01:37:31,291 He's gonna fly off. 1788 01:37:31,375 --> 01:37:33,833 - …spot, focus on the spot. - You got it. Focus. 1789 01:37:35,000 --> 01:37:36,166 Oh, no. 1790 01:37:36,250 --> 01:37:38,083 Hang in there, Oscar, please. 1791 01:37:43,000 --> 01:37:45,625 Come on, Dad. You got it. 1792 01:37:45,708 --> 01:37:47,333 Dad! 1793 01:37:51,541 --> 01:37:53,458 Come on, Dad! 1794 01:37:56,125 --> 01:37:59,041 I love you so much! 1795 01:38:04,875 --> 01:38:09,708 Do it like my daddy taught you. Tap it. Tap it in. 1796 01:38:19,333 --> 01:38:21,041 It's got a chance. 1797 01:38:22,166 --> 01:38:24,083 - Go. - Go. 1798 01:38:24,166 --> 01:38:25,708 Come on, Happy. 1799 01:38:25,791 --> 01:38:28,041 - Come on, come on… - Come on, come on, come on… 1800 01:38:33,416 --> 01:38:37,416 - Get there! - Oh! 1801 01:38:37,500 --> 01:38:39,583 Oh, no! 1802 01:38:40,791 --> 01:38:44,458 Yes! Welcome to Maxi, Happy. Whoo! 1803 01:38:53,083 --> 01:38:58,125 Oh, my God! Happy Gilmore has won! 1804 01:38:59,000 --> 01:39:02,208 And regular golf will live on. 1805 01:39:03,583 --> 01:39:07,125 - I'm 8 Ball! I'm 8 Ball! - No! That doesn't happen! 1806 01:39:07,208 --> 01:39:09,166 You are a piece of shit, you know that? 1807 01:39:09,250 --> 01:39:10,666 I did everything I could… 1808 01:39:10,750 --> 01:39:14,125 Oscar! We did it, Oscar! 1809 01:39:18,250 --> 01:39:20,666 Papi, papi. Wake up. 1810 01:39:21,333 --> 01:39:22,458 - Good job! - Did we win? 1811 01:39:25,166 --> 01:39:26,541 - Yes! - All right! 1812 01:39:26,625 --> 01:39:27,666 Happy, yes! 1813 01:39:27,750 --> 01:39:29,416 Yeah, yeah! 1814 01:39:29,500 --> 01:39:30,500 Stop. 1815 01:39:33,916 --> 01:39:37,958 Your training paid off. You did it. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. 1816 01:39:38,041 --> 01:39:39,125 - Yes! - Yes! 1817 01:39:41,041 --> 01:39:43,041 What a great win. Let's go to Hooters. 1818 01:39:50,958 --> 01:39:54,416 - Happy Gilmore! Happy Gilmore! - Happy Gilmore! Happy Gilmore! 1819 01:39:54,500 --> 01:39:57,625 I can't believe I'm saying this, but you're all free to go. 1820 01:39:57,708 --> 01:40:00,250 Beautiful. 1821 01:40:01,875 --> 01:40:04,833 Unbelievable. Tremendous. 1822 01:40:04,916 --> 01:40:06,541 I understand you have a restaurant. 1823 01:40:06,625 --> 01:40:11,333 We have the best Italian Dominican Puerto Rican Cuban restaurant in the town. 1824 01:40:11,416 --> 01:40:13,250 I love my new job! 1825 01:40:13,333 --> 01:40:16,125 We did it, baby! We did it for Mom! 1826 01:40:25,125 --> 01:40:29,041 Well, I've won a lot of trophies and jackets over the years, 1827 01:40:29,833 --> 01:40:35,291 but out of all of them, I have to say this is by far the most special. 1828 01:40:36,333 --> 01:40:38,666 And I want to thank all my friends out there 1829 01:40:38,750 --> 01:40:42,291 who helped me achieve this monumental moment. 1830 01:40:45,125 --> 01:40:46,375 Three months sober. 1831 01:40:46,958 --> 01:40:49,375 Yay! Way to go, Mr. Gilmore! 1832 01:40:50,291 --> 01:40:52,833 Splendid! Splendid, Mr. Gilmore. 1833 01:40:53,750 --> 01:40:56,500 But will you make it to a year? 1834 01:40:56,583 --> 01:41:01,541 - Magic 8-Ball says… unlikely. - Uh-huh. 1835 01:41:01,625 --> 01:41:05,541 What are you talking about, Hal? Happy's going to make it a full lifetime. 1836 01:41:05,625 --> 01:41:07,333 Know what else is full, Charlotte? 1837 01:41:07,416 --> 01:41:11,041 My gutters. Full of dead leaves and squirrel droppings. 1838 01:41:11,125 --> 01:41:12,916 But you'll be cleaning them out this weekend. 1839 01:41:13,000 --> 01:41:15,125 I don't like the way you talk to that kid. 1840 01:41:15,208 --> 01:41:16,375 It's fine, Mr. Gilmore. 1841 01:41:16,458 --> 01:41:19,750 No, it's not fine. That kid has helped me more than you have, Hal. 1842 01:41:19,833 --> 01:41:21,958 Seriously, Mr. Gilmore, I got this. 1843 01:41:22,041 --> 01:41:24,625 Guys, can we be done here? We've got enough. 1844 01:41:24,708 --> 01:41:27,375 Why are you talking into your collar? Are you high? 1845 01:41:28,791 --> 01:41:30,000 Are you high? 1846 01:41:31,583 --> 01:41:33,041 - Holy... - Whoa! 1847 01:41:33,125 --> 01:41:34,916 Hallowicious Lieberman! 1848 01:41:35,000 --> 01:41:37,000 You're under arrest for fraud and extortion. 1849 01:41:37,083 --> 01:41:39,583 We got enough footage of you being a sick son of a bitch 1850 01:41:39,666 --> 01:41:41,416 to lock you away for a lifetime. 1851 01:41:42,291 --> 01:41:44,000 You narc'd on me? 1852 01:41:44,625 --> 01:41:45,541 Guess so. 1853 01:41:45,625 --> 01:41:48,041 Hey, man, I was just trying to help these people. 1854 01:41:48,125 --> 01:41:51,291 Manual labor's therapeutically beneficial. 1855 01:41:51,375 --> 01:41:52,791 - Hey, Happy. - What? 1856 01:41:52,875 --> 01:41:55,125 - Catch. - Oh! 1857 01:41:56,208 --> 01:41:59,375 - I believe that's Mr. Gilmore's! - He got my coin! 1858 01:41:59,458 --> 01:42:03,583 I got the coin! 1859 01:42:09,708 --> 01:42:11,958 - Oh, shit! Stop! - Stay still! 1860 01:42:13,875 --> 01:42:15,458 You're a very cool kid. 1861 01:42:16,041 --> 01:42:19,333 You're a very cool guy. You remind me of my dad. 1862 01:42:19,416 --> 01:42:20,416 Yeah? 1863 01:42:27,541 --> 01:42:29,250 All right, just have fun in Paris. 1864 01:42:29,333 --> 01:42:31,291 If you get homesick for America, 1865 01:42:31,375 --> 01:42:34,458 I can ship over some Yodels or bottle rockets. 1866 01:42:34,541 --> 01:42:35,750 Whatever you guys want. 1867 01:42:35,833 --> 01:42:38,416 We'll be fine, Dad. And we'll see you next month, right? 1868 01:42:38,500 --> 01:42:39,333 That's right. 1869 01:42:39,416 --> 01:42:42,333 I got the British Open, I'll show up a week early, we'll hang out. 1870 01:42:42,416 --> 01:42:44,791 I want to see some fancy French dancing from this kid. 1871 01:42:44,875 --> 01:42:46,375 Then you can come check out our show. 1872 01:42:46,458 --> 01:42:47,458 What show? 1873 01:42:47,541 --> 01:42:49,041 We're gonna be singing mimes. 1874 01:42:49,125 --> 01:42:50,875 I thought mimes aren't allowed to talk. 1875 01:42:50,958 --> 01:42:54,000 That's how we're gonna separate ourselves from the other mimes, by singing. 1876 01:42:54,083 --> 01:42:55,125 Okay. 1877 01:42:55,208 --> 01:43:00,375 We're trapped in a box! Now we're tugging on a rope! 1878 01:43:01,125 --> 01:43:03,250 Even look at our sister… 1879 01:43:03,333 --> 01:43:05,416 - And we'll kill you! - And we'll crush you! 1880 01:43:05,500 --> 01:43:07,500 - I'll murder you! - Don't you look at her! 1881 01:43:07,583 --> 01:43:10,083 - Smart. I love that! - Nailed it. Really good. 1882 01:43:10,166 --> 01:43:11,625 Come here. Gonna miss you. 1883 01:43:11,708 --> 01:43:14,875 And if you're hungry on the flight, enjoy the bread from Oscar's restaurant. 1884 01:43:14,958 --> 01:43:17,416 Go crush them over there for Mom. Have a ball. 1885 01:43:17,500 --> 01:43:18,333 Love you, Dad. 1886 01:43:18,416 --> 01:43:20,500 - Hey, here you go. - You're the best, guys. 1887 01:43:20,583 --> 01:43:22,541 - Sir, right there. - There you go, buddy. 1888 01:43:22,625 --> 01:43:25,041 Yeah, get him! 1889 01:43:25,125 --> 01:43:26,375 I'm so sorry, sweetheart. 1890 01:43:26,458 --> 01:43:27,666 Come on, Vienna. 1891 01:43:29,583 --> 01:43:31,291 Love you. I'll miss you. 1892 01:43:34,500 --> 01:43:40,208 Tuesday's gone with the wind 1893 01:43:45,166 --> 01:43:46,708 Hey, Happy. 1894 01:43:53,666 --> 01:43:58,583 Tuesday's gone with the wind 1895 01:43:58,666 --> 01:44:00,708 Oh. You're okay. 1896 01:44:03,166 --> 01:44:08,791 My baby's gone with the wind 1897 01:44:10,416 --> 01:44:13,625 Train roll on 1898 01:44:15,750 --> 01:44:18,333 Tuesday's gone 1899 01:44:18,416 --> 01:44:22,333 Battery, zero percent. 1900 01:44:22,416 --> 01:44:24,458 I didn't charge it! Damn it! 1901 01:44:43,958 --> 01:44:47,791 Oh, baby Don't it feel like heaven right now? 1902 01:44:47,875 --> 01:44:51,125 Don't it feel like something From a dream? 1903 01:44:51,875 --> 01:44:55,916 Yeah, I've never known Nothing quite like this 1904 01:44:56,000 --> 01:45:00,041 Don't it feel like tonight Might never be again? 1905 01:45:00,125 --> 01:45:04,041 Baby, we know better Than to try and pretend 1906 01:45:04,125 --> 01:45:07,916 Honey no one Coulda ever told me 'bout this 1907 01:45:08,000 --> 01:45:10,541 -I said yeah, yeah -Yeah, yeah 1908 01:45:10,625 --> 01:45:12,375 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 1909 01:45:12,458 --> 01:45:16,458 The waiting is the hardest part 1910 01:45:16,541 --> 01:45:20,291 Every day you see one more card 1911 01:45:20,375 --> 01:45:24,416 You take it on faith You take it to the heart 1912 01:45:24,500 --> 01:45:28,666 The waiting is the hardest part 1913 01:45:32,250 --> 01:45:36,208 Well, yeah, I might have chased A couple women around 1914 01:45:36,291 --> 01:45:40,083 All it ever got me was down 1915 01:45:40,166 --> 01:45:44,416 Then there were those That made me feel good 1916 01:45:44,500 --> 01:45:48,375 But never as good as I feel right now 1917 01:45:48,458 --> 01:45:52,666 Baby, you're the only one That's ever known how 1918 01:45:52,750 --> 01:45:54,500 To make me wanna live… 1919 01:45:54,583 --> 01:45:56,791 Well, the bad news just keeps coming for Maxi 1920 01:45:56,875 --> 01:45:59,708 and its controversial founder, Francis Manatee. 1921 01:45:59,791 --> 01:46:03,000 Since the spectacular failure of the Maxi Golf League, 1922 01:46:03,083 --> 01:46:07,166 the popular Maxi Sports Drink has been recalled after complaints 1923 01:46:07,250 --> 01:46:10,833 it caused irreversible halitosis, gingivitis, 1924 01:46:10,916 --> 01:46:13,750 and a new condition they're calling tongue rot. 1925 01:46:14,416 --> 01:46:17,250 We at the Sports Hole tried to reach Manatee for comment, 1926 01:46:17,333 --> 01:46:19,958 but his current whereabouts are apparently unknown. 1927 01:46:20,041 --> 01:46:24,000 Yeah, I would run too if I gave half the world midnight booty breath. 1928 01:46:24,083 --> 01:46:28,416 Hey, Scheffler, it's been three days. You sure you don't wanna make that call? 1929 01:46:28,500 --> 01:46:30,500 It depends. What's for dinner? 1930 01:46:30,583 --> 01:46:32,083 Chicken fingers. 1931 01:46:32,166 --> 01:46:34,000 I'll stick around another night. 1932 01:46:34,083 --> 01:46:35,583 Okay. 1933 01:46:48,708 --> 01:46:50,291 Oh 1934 01:46:50,375 --> 01:46:54,041 Get your biscuits in the kitchen I'm a sous chef on a mission 1935 01:46:54,125 --> 01:46:57,833 Baby, wiggle it, it's vicious We about to break the dishes 1936 01:46:57,916 --> 01:47:01,833 Got the pepper with the sodium We cookin' with petroleum 1937 01:47:01,916 --> 01:47:05,583 Come step up to the podium And cut up this linoleum 1938 01:47:08,458 --> 01:47:09,875 Just move it 1939 01:47:12,541 --> 01:47:13,666 Move it 1940 01:47:17,125 --> 01:47:21,041 Sittin' down is stupid Now let me see you move it 1941 01:47:28,166 --> 01:47:31,666 Get your peaches off that stoop Baby, work that hula hoop 1942 01:47:31,750 --> 01:47:35,583 Throw it back and watch 'em shoop Scottie Pippen, alley oop 1943 01:47:35,666 --> 01:47:39,416 Mix it up like orange drink Shake your buffalo chicken wing 1944 01:47:39,500 --> 01:47:43,625 Get your galoshes, make it rain Now-now let me hear you sing, uh 1945 01:47:46,250 --> 01:47:47,583 Just move it 1946 01:47:50,291 --> 01:47:51,500 Move it 1947 01:47:54,875 --> 01:47:58,875 Sittin' down is stupid Now let me see you move it 1948 01:48:01,375 --> 01:48:02,708 Just move it 1949 01:48:05,333 --> 01:48:06,458 Move it 1950 01:48:09,958 --> 01:48:13,958 Sittin' down is stupid Now let me see you move it 1951 01:48:21,416 --> 01:48:22,833 Sitting is dumb 1952 01:48:25,291 --> 01:48:26,625 Dancing is more fun 1953 01:48:28,958 --> 01:48:30,458 Sitting is dumb 1954 01:48:32,875 --> 01:48:34,166 Dancing is more fun 1955 01:48:34,750 --> 01:48:36,500 Dancing is more fun 1956 01:48:36,583 --> 01:48:39,833 Sitting is dumb But dancing is more fun 1957 01:48:40,458 --> 01:48:43,708 Dancing is more fun Dancing is more fun 1958 01:48:46,708 --> 01:48:48,041 Just move it 1959 01:48:50,708 --> 01:48:51,916 Move it 1960 01:48:55,291 --> 01:48:59,333 Sittin' down is stupid Now let me see you move it 1961 01:49:01,875 --> 01:49:03,125 Just move it 1962 01:49:05,833 --> 01:49:07,083 Move it 1963 01:49:10,458 --> 01:49:14,458 Sittin' down is stupid Now let me see you move it 1963 01:49:15,305 --> 01:50:15,918 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org