"Rick and Morty" The Curicksous Case of Bethjamin Button

1 00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:06,256 [ Cellphone vibrates ] 2 00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:12,512 [ Sighs ] 3 00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:17,391 ♪ Makin' your way in the world today ♪ 4 00:00:17,392 --> 00:00:20,519 ♪ Takes everything you got ♪ 5 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:23,272 ♪ Takin' a break from all your worries ♪ 6 00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:26,483 ♪ Sure would help a lot ♪ 7 00:00:26,484 --> 00:00:30,447 ♪ Wouldn't you like to get away? ♪ 8 00:00:32,615 --> 00:00:34,491 ♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪ Clear! 9 00:00:34,492 --> 00:00:38,580 ♪ Where everybody knows your name ♪ 10 00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:43,501 ♪ And they're always glad you came ♪ 11 00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:47,212 ♪ You wanna be where you can see ♪ 12 00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:49,673 ♪ Our troubles are all the same ♪ 13 00:00:49,674 --> 00:00:54,137 ♪ You wanna be where everybody knows your name ♪ 14 00:00:56,389 --> 00:00:58,140 Who's ready for Earth World?! 15 00:00:58,141 --> 00:01:00,392 Moms, I-I can't find my cross-body bag! 16 00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:01,685 Where's my cross-body bag? 17 00:01:01,686 --> 00:01:03,270 Summer: Stop saying cross-body bag. 18 00:01:03,271 --> 00:01:04,521 On you, it's a fanny pack up higher. 19 00:01:04,522 --> 00:01:05,773 Rick: Space Beth, you're driving. 20 00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:07,483 I'm low on wanting to drive. 21 00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:09,276 Jerry: W-Would one of you mind making me a quick sandwich? 22 00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:11,028 You know theme park food gives me interesting stools. 23 00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:12,321 Read the room. 24 00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:13,864 We're not going. Look at us. 25 00:01:13,865 --> 00:01:15,115 No, you got to come. 26 00:01:15,116 --> 00:01:16,658 It's an absolute train wreck-- 27 00:01:16,659 --> 00:01:18,327 this dude, he's never been to Earth, 28 00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:19,828 But he <i>loves</i> it. 29 00:01:19,829 --> 00:01:21,121 And he <i>sucks</i> at making theme parks. 30 00:01:21,122 --> 00:01:23,540 Both: We said fucking no! 31 00:01:23,541 --> 00:01:24,792 Alright. Fine. 32 00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:27,920 But nobody wants to see a Beths adventure. 33 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,421 [ Sighs ] 34 00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:32,007 I thought cloning was supposed to make us happy. 35 00:01:32,008 --> 00:01:33,342 I hate my life. 36 00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:35,803 And I know you <i>have</i> to hate yours. 37 00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:37,346 Hey! Sorry. 38 00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:39,181 I started drinking in the car. 39 00:01:39,182 --> 00:02:09,420 {\an8}♪ 40 00:02:13,883 --> 00:02:16,176 {\an8}Why are we miserable? It's not Jerry. 41 00:02:16,177 --> 00:02:17,719 {\an8}Yeah, it could be worse. 42 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:20,097 {\an8}I mean we could have married Pep Rosenfeld. 43 00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:22,224 {\an8}Oh, my God. I forgot about him. 44 00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:23,809 {\an8}Oh, he died in that thing, right? 45 00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:25,769 {\an8}9-11, yeah. 46 00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:28,147 {\an8}We can't just put it all on Dad, right? 47 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,231 {\an8}Oh, we're done with that guy. 48 00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:31,316 {\an8}"I had a bad dad." 49 00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:32,943 {\an8}Shut up. Write a book about it. 50 00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:35,612 {\an8}I'm just so tired of all the shit we have to do to live. 51 00:02:35,613 --> 00:02:37,531 {\an8}You abandoned all your shit. 52 00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:39,825 {\an8}There is so much more shit in space! 53 00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:42,077 {\an8}When was the last time we were happy? 54 00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:43,620 {\an8}Truly happy? 55 00:02:43,621 --> 00:02:45,414 {\an8}Felt pretty good when we were kids. 56 00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:47,749 {\an8}Oh, my God, I wish I could be young again. 57 00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:50,627 {\an8}That kind of wish never goes the way you want. 58 00:02:50,628 --> 00:02:52,755 {\an8}That being said... 59 00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:56,633 {\an8}Uh, why do you have a de-aging machine? 60 00:02:56,634 --> 00:02:59,178 {\an8}When I'm bringing in bounties, I change 'em into kids. 61 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,388 {\an8}This car fits 10 kids if you pack 'em right. 62 00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:02,764 {\an8}Sounds efficient. 63 00:03:02,765 --> 00:03:05,350 {\an8}Is that... worth dealing with 10 kids? 64 00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:07,186 {\an8}Oh no, I drug them, too. 65 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,897 {\an8}Wait, will my clothes be super huge or-- Oh, no, no, no. 66 00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:13,818 {\an8}Technology this advanced is indistinguishable from magic. 67 00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:17,780 {\an8}[ Machine whirring ] 68 00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:23,702 {\an8}Whoa! Whoa! 69 00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:26,330 {\an8}My face... my skin! 70 00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:28,957 {\an8}I can see everything! 71 00:03:28,958 --> 00:03:31,251 {\an8}And my mouth tastes so clean! 72 00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:32,961 {\an8}Whoa, my knuckles work! 73 00:03:32,962 --> 00:03:34,880 {\an8}No pain! 74 00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:36,340 {\an8}You look like shit. 75 00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:38,300 {\an8}Wait, no! Come back here!! 76 00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:40,469 {\an8}Get ready. Earth World is a mess. 77 00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:41,970 {\an8}No creative consistency. 78 00:03:41,971 --> 00:03:43,472 {\an8}Last time I was here, they had a whole ride 79 00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:44,973 {\an8}dedicated to Pol Pot. 80 00:03:44,974 --> 00:03:47,309 {\an8}There's a non-zero chance you'll lose an eye. 81 00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:50,229 {\an8}Oh, that wasn't the vibe I got from the waivers. 82 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,147 {\an8}Waivers? {\an8}Yeah, from the website. 83 00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:53,774 {\an8}Website?! 84 00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:57,319 {\an8}<i>Welcome to Earth World! It's me, Dr. Dogballs!</i> 85 00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,904 {\an8}What the hell?! 86 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,530 {\an8}<i>I love Earth so much I made a theme park--</i> 87 00:04:00,531 --> 00:04:01,990 {\an8}<i>just like they would on Earth!</i> 88 00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:03,492 {\an8}Oh. [ Laughs ] Yeah. 89 00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:05,827 {\an8}Wow, I-I guess this does seem like it sucks. 90 00:04:05,828 --> 00:04:08,330 {\an8}Good one, Grandpa. You still like stuff ironically? 91 00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:11,708 {\an8}No, it used to <i>bad</i> bad, which was good. 92 00:04:11,709 --> 00:04:14,586 {\an8}There used to be a ride called "It's a Small Black Death"! 93 00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:16,838 Looks like they've got just a regular GAP. 94 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:19,007 Rick, w-were you just drunk when you were here? 95 00:04:19,008 --> 00:04:20,133 I'm drunk now! 96 00:04:20,134 --> 00:04:21,426 Where's all the rusty nails? 97 00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:23,262 Where's the Herpes Family Flume? 98 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,806 Light-up corn dog? Get the fuck away from me! 99 00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:29,268 Can't wait to get a photo taken with... Marie Curie? 100 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,019 I-I think that's John Legend? 101 00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:32,562 Maybe they picked John Legend 102 00:04:32,563 --> 00:04:34,189 'cause his name implies he's really important. 103 00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:36,692 Rick, how were you thinking we should enjoy this? 104 00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:39,528 Wow, they have a hall of Presidential Pets? 105 00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:42,114 Like that? Do you think I can meet Socks? 106 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,365 I'm not gonna shit on it too hard 107 00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:44,825 'cause I know you'd punish me, 108 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:47,536 but isn't this just a mid-'90s outdoor mall? 109 00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,705 Oh! My bad! Oh, my God! 110 00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:51,665 You're a real Earth person, aren't you? 111 00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:53,500 From Earth?! Uh, yeah. 112 00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:55,460 I'm, like, starstruck. 113 00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:57,296 A real human. 114 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,840 Ooh, you smell nasty. [ Laughs ] 115 00:04:59,841 --> 00:05:03,051 Oh. I mean, is that-- is that good? Absolutely. 116 00:05:03,052 --> 00:05:05,304 Well, it's nice to see something in this park 117 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,888 still grimy and real. 118 00:05:06,889 --> 00:05:09,391 Then I-I'm as nasty as they come. 119 00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:11,810 Can you believe my grandpa loves this place? 120 00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:12,978 [ Laughs ] Lame. 121 00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:14,604 Beth! Where'd you go? 122 00:05:14,605 --> 00:05:15,564 Beth? 123 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:16,982 Beth, I want you to have fun, 124 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,192 but I need to know where you're having it. 125 00:05:19,193 --> 00:05:21,194 I found a possum! Oh, my God! 126 00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:22,904 Aaaah! No! 127 00:05:22,905 --> 00:05:24,781 I don't wanna be old! Aaaah! 128 00:05:24,782 --> 00:05:27,576 You're in so much pain, and you don't even know it! 129 00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:29,494 [ Machine whirs ] 130 00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:31,038 Oh, my God. I'm sorry. 131 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:34,041 I-I forgot just how insane we were as a kid. 132 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:35,083 I shouldn't have pitched this. 133 00:05:35,084 --> 00:05:36,960 You have <i>got</i> to try it. 134 00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:38,587 I'm over here! 135 00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:40,589 Okay, sweetie, this is your two-minute warning. 136 00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:42,007 It's almost time to switch back. 137 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:44,634 [ Giggles ] You got to find me first! 138 00:05:44,635 --> 00:05:46,762 Too slow! Try again! 139 00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,889 Alright, let's go. That's enough. I'm serious. 140 00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:50,182 [ Giggles ] 141 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,851 Alright, Beth. 142 00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:54,561 Aaah! 143 00:05:54,562 --> 00:05:57,106 Surprise! You done been got! 144 00:05:58,358 --> 00:05:59,817 Do it. 145 00:06:00,651 --> 00:06:02,904 [ Machine whirs ] 146 00:06:06,824 --> 00:06:08,868 [ Both giggle ] 147 00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:12,413 [ Both shrieking ] 148 00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:16,792 Ugh! That bathroom was a ride, too! 149 00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:18,752 I had my pants down and everything! 150 00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:21,630 I really do need to go. Just go in a bush. 151 00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:23,882 I swear it used to be funnier than this. 152 00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:26,343 Don't turn around. I-I-I'm squatting. 153 00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:28,970 Hey, you can't go... there. Like that. 154 00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:31,139 You used to be able to piss wherever you wanted to. 155 00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:32,516 Like on Earth. 156 00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:34,434 Grandpa Rick, take the L. 157 00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:35,811 Let's get Morty and go home. 158 00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,479 Yeah, this place is fucked. 159 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,648 Corporate takeover. Board-approved changes. 160 00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:41,817 Steve Jobs dies, and we get 10 years of the same iPhone. 161 00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:44,361 Oh, no, the guy who made the park is still alive. 162 00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:45,612 He is? Yeah. 163 00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:47,531 Rumor is, he still lives here. 164 00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:49,617 Down in the tunnels. 165 00:06:52,703 --> 00:06:54,621 Hey, Sum-Sum, You like breaking rules. 166 00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:56,666 Ooh, did you bring molly? 167 00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:58,834 Hurry it up, Jerry! 168 00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:01,002 It's your fault I have to go like this. 169 00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:02,254 You destroyed my urethra 170 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,173 when you turned me into a trash can. 171 00:07:05,299 --> 00:07:06,759 Follow me. 172 00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:09,636 And of course I brought molly. 173 00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:11,596 TV Announcer: <i>Uh, if you're just joining us tonight,</i> 174 00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:13,932 <i>we have a-- oh, my God. It exploded.</i> 175 00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:16,059 <i>Oh, God. All those astronauts.</i> 176 00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:18,603 <i>It's-- It's worse than any explosion before it!</i> 177 00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:19,855 This is hilarious. 178 00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:21,858 Hey, yo. Check this out. 179 00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:25,360 Awesome. No adult is getting inside. 180 00:07:25,361 --> 00:07:27,195 Also, don't sit on that chair. 181 00:07:27,196 --> 00:07:28,530 The cushion is knives. 182 00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:30,157 Somebody's got to sit on it! 183 00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:31,950 Gene should sit on it. 184 00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:34,120 Bam! Nice! 185 00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:38,290 Whoo-hoo! 186 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:39,708 Hey there, girls. 187 00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:42,210 I'm guessing one of you is Beth from next door, 188 00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:44,045 and one of you is her... clone? 189 00:07:44,046 --> 00:07:46,006 But you're both little girls now? 190 00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:47,716 Not that strange, given what I've seen. 191 00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:49,593 What are you, a scientist? 192 00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:51,094 Come sit in our chair. 193 00:07:51,095 --> 00:07:54,097 Well, based on the design of your makeshift harpoon, 194 00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:56,725 seems like you girls are on a bit of a spree. 195 00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:59,227 Feel like I'm gonna be walking into some booby traps. 196 00:07:59,228 --> 00:08:00,687 Let's have some cocoa instead. 197 00:08:00,688 --> 00:08:04,232 "Let's have some cocoa." "I'm divorced." 198 00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:06,568 Hey! That is cruel and technically untrue. 199 00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:08,153 But you're in an altered headspace, 200 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,738 so I know you don't mean it. 201 00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:12,491 Why don't you two sit tight? I'll get the Swiss Miss. 202 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,576 Let's go. Go where? 203 00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:17,913 Go hunt him. Unless you're scaaared. 204 00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:19,539 I'm not scared of anything. 205 00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:21,209 Let's get in the walls. 206 00:08:22,793 --> 00:08:24,336 Morty: Wow, this is a good photo of us. 207 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:25,670 Keep talking. 208 00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:27,506 I can smell your rotting breakfast. 209 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:30,258 Oh, God. Your hairs are insane. 210 00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:31,760 They're all over your body. 211 00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:33,929 Can I touch them? Say a human phrase. 212 00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:37,307 Say "grocery list" in that stinkbody accent. 213 00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:38,433 You mean my voice? 214 00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:39,851 Yes! "Grocery list." 215 00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:41,353 I love your tooth-filled big hole 216 00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,438 and the other, less-used holes on your face. 217 00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:44,981 Okay, um, 218 00:08:44,982 --> 00:08:47,943 I'm getting the feeling that you're not into me 219 00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:52,781 a-as much as you like the idea of being with any human. 220 00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,658 Does it matter if I'm still turned on? 221 00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:56,159 No, I guess it doesn't. 222 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:59,204 I want to get your wet muscle in my mouth. 223 00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:00,539 You mean my tongue? 224 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,582 I don't care what it's called. 225 00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:04,626 Rick, I know you're having a bad time. 226 00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:07,170 But I think I saw a Panera up there 227 00:09:07,171 --> 00:09:08,838 that might change your tune. 228 00:09:08,839 --> 00:09:10,632 A Panera?! Yeah! 229 00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:13,218 Shut up. Is that Kevin Costner? 230 00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:14,511 Wait, why do I know that? 231 00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:16,304 Did Father make new models? 232 00:09:16,305 --> 00:09:17,847 I don't recognize you three. 233 00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:20,183 No, I'm... Old Guy Fieri, 234 00:09:20,184 --> 00:09:21,643 th-- this is Princess Diana, 235 00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,228 and he's Mr. Rogers. 236 00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:24,646 Or Brett Kavanaugh. 237 00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:26,481 I wouldn't know. I never left this park. 238 00:09:26,482 --> 00:09:27,566 Us, too. 239 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,318 We're looking for Dogballs. 240 00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:35,658 He lives below. 241 00:09:39,787 --> 00:09:41,663 Dr. Dogballs. My man! 242 00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:43,873 Humans! Real humans! 243 00:09:43,874 --> 00:09:45,959 The mad genius who built Earth World! 244 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,420 Nobody loves Earth as much as me. 245 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,839 Car, Muscle Beach, property taxes. 246 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,341 But before I could complete my perfect vision, 247 00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:56,386 I was caught with incriminating files on my computer, 248 00:09:56,387 --> 00:09:58,638 and the board chained me up. 249 00:09:58,639 --> 00:10:00,432 I watch animal pornography. 250 00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,058 It's my business. 251 00:10:02,059 --> 00:10:03,727 Like with people and animals? 252 00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:05,145 No, just the animals, sicko. 253 00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:07,063 The original Earth World was incredible. 254 00:10:07,064 --> 00:10:08,857 I-I got strep from a candy once! 255 00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:11,359 Of course you feel that way. You're a human being. 256 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:14,571 You know what Earth theme parks are supposed to be like. 257 00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:16,698 I'd take you to the dead zone if I could 258 00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:19,242 and show you some of the old delights. 259 00:10:19,243 --> 00:10:21,202 But they won't let me leave my office. 260 00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:23,748 They won't, but I will. 261 00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:28,376 Welcome to the real Earth World! 262 00:10:28,377 --> 00:10:31,046 I guess this is closer to how I remember it. 263 00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:34,090 Oh! I stepped on a rusty nail! 264 00:10:34,091 --> 00:10:36,051 Aah! Aah! Aaaah! 265 00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:37,886 Hmm. At least Jerry got hurt. 266 00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:40,597 Hot cocoa with extra marshmallows! 267 00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:42,891 Hope you got room for extra marshmallows! 268 00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:45,393 Look at him holding marshmallows over our heads. 269 00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:46,603 Like that's some kind of power. 270 00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:48,688 I <i>do</i> like marshmallows. 271 00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:50,690 He doesn't decide about our marshmallows! 272 00:10:50,691 --> 00:10:52,275 You should go up there and cut him. 273 00:10:52,276 --> 00:10:53,693 <i>You</i> should cut him. 274 00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:54,944 [ Whispering ] What should we cut? 275 00:10:54,945 --> 00:10:57,114 I don't know. Just start slashing! 276 00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:59,366 Gene: Aaah! Aaah! 277 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:01,368 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 278 00:11:01,369 --> 00:11:04,079 My ankles! I need a doctor! 279 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,331 Great. Now we have to take care of him. 280 00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:07,916 I don't want to take care of anybody! 281 00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:10,335 You take care of him! It was your idea! 282 00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:11,419 Both: Not it! Jinx! 283 00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:13,004 I think you hit an artery! 284 00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:15,048 She did it! She's a psycho. You're the psycho! 285 00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:16,549 I watched you eat a bird! 286 00:11:16,550 --> 00:11:19,552 After <i>you</i> tore off its wings! 287 00:11:19,553 --> 00:11:21,931 I'll show you who's psycho!! 288 00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:27,227 Yeah, run away, you baby! 289 00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:29,729 Remember your affirmations, Gene. 290 00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:32,482 You deserve to live. 291 00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:34,443 Oh. 292 00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:40,157 Welp, somehow every decision I've ever made has led to this. 293 00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:48,123 {\an8}♪ 294 00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:50,375 Aaaaah! Get out of my treehouse! 295 00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:52,211 Get out of my yard! 296 00:11:53,462 --> 00:11:55,715 [ Breathing heavily ] 297 00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:58,800 Aaah! 298 00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:01,553 Fire alarm: <i>Fire detected. Extinguishing.</i> 299 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:20,113 {\an8}♪ 300 00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:22,282 Come on, Gene. Not like this. 301 00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:23,450 Not like this! 302 00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:25,452 Hey, Siri, call 911! 303 00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,579 Siri: <i>Countdown to calling 911.</i> 304 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:30,665 <i>Calling 911 in 10, 9, 8, 7--</i> 305 00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:32,710 Why does it need a countdown?!! 306 00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:37,464 Alien M.C.: <i>Earth's World War II was fought with combines and harvesters,</i> 307 00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:40,091 <i>and you're about to witness it firsthand.</i> 308 00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:42,260 Oh, God, is that a live wire? 309 00:12:42,261 --> 00:12:44,596 None of the electricity is grounded here. 310 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,891 [ Cellphone vibrates ] Shit. 311 00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:49,642 I-I got to get home before Gene calls 911 312 00:12:49,643 --> 00:12:51,269 from any other phone but his own. 313 00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:53,062 The head thing so you can get out the way you came. 314 00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:55,648 Wait, you're leaving? I thought you loved this place. 315 00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:57,317 Yeah, uh, I don't know. 316 00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:58,693 I-I guess Morty was right. 317 00:12:58,694 --> 00:13:00,278 Am I, like, supposed to think it's cool 318 00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:02,697 that there's measles in the water, and like, snakes? 319 00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:04,784 Nah. Y-You guys have fun. 320 00:13:06,577 --> 00:13:09,287 Aaah! Oh. shiiiit! 321 00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:14,459 {\an8}♪ 322 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,337 We're done here, boys. 323 00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:20,548 Rick, your girls. 324 00:13:20,549 --> 00:13:22,634 They're not good people. 325 00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,970 Thank... you. 326 00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:28,473 I've only been gone for two hours! 327 00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:30,016 Hey, Beths! 328 00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:31,100 Deducing here that you've been huffing childhood 329 00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:33,229 and have overdosed on fun. 330 00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:36,232 Ouch. 331 00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:45,865 Child Beth: I'm gonna kill you! Child Space Beth: I'm gonna kill you first! 332 00:13:45,866 --> 00:13:47,659 Ow, damn it! 333 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,328 That's it, we're done. 334 00:13:56,877 --> 00:13:58,503 You dick! 335 00:13:58,504 --> 00:13:59,712 Aaah! 336 00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:01,422 Enough "Home Alone"-ing. 337 00:14:01,423 --> 00:14:03,091 God damn it! 338 00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:06,177 I cloned you to fix this, not make you twice as annoying. 339 00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:08,972 Dr. Dogballs: Oh, I-I-can't tell you, oh, my God, 340 00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:12,684 I've waited so long for someone to see my vision. 341 00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:15,311 And of course it was real humans! 342 00:14:15,312 --> 00:14:17,814 You're the perfect audience for this-- 343 00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:21,150 my finest moment. 344 00:14:21,151 --> 00:14:23,987 Oh, shit. What's that?! 345 00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:26,030 My beautiful creations. 346 00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:28,951 They're going to destroy the park. 347 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,202 Oh, God. 348 00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:33,204 I thought they were people in costumes, 349 00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:34,956 but the costumes are the people? 350 00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:36,499 The people are the costumes?! 351 00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:39,502 All Earth theme parks end the same way. 352 00:14:39,503 --> 00:14:41,754 Jurassic Park, Westworld-- 353 00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:44,591 even the rides inside the theme parks 354 00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:45,925 tell the same story. 355 00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:47,385 You're on a boat ride 356 00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:49,846 when suddenly you take a detour to a waterfall, 357 00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:52,015 and now you're in a pirate's den, 358 00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:54,684 forced to suck dick to stay alive! 359 00:14:54,685 --> 00:14:56,144 Why would you do this? 360 00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:57,729 The greatest tribute to Earth 361 00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:01,901 is a theme park that ends in chaos. 362 00:15:06,655 --> 00:15:09,199 Be free! Be free, my lovelies! 363 00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:11,451 Hungry for meat. 364 00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:13,703 Eat meat! 365 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:15,496 Take it all! 366 00:15:15,497 --> 00:15:16,748 Take the other one! 367 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:17,874 Shit! Dad! 368 00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:19,584 Take it! Take it all! 369 00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:21,544 Blend in. Stumble around! 370 00:15:21,545 --> 00:15:24,089 {\an8}♪ 371 00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:31,846 Yeah, you like that? Labradoodle. Mmm. 372 00:15:31,847 --> 00:15:33,973 Coconut milk. Uh-huh. More human stuff. 373 00:15:33,974 --> 00:15:35,893 Big League Chew. 374 00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:39,270 Ooh! Say something racist. 375 00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:43,358 What? C'mon, you're human, it's your whole thing. 376 00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:44,651 Uhhh... 377 00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:48,196 I-Italians make pretty-- pretty good pizza? 378 00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:52,075 No, do it hateful, you disgusting little bug. 379 00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:53,785 Uhhhh, did you hear that? 380 00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,995 Now you're pretending there's some kind of emergency? 381 00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:58,247 I tried to be vulnerable with you. 382 00:15:58,248 --> 00:16:00,124 If you don't think I'm pretty, just say so. 383 00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:02,460 I'm sorry, but I-I'm not just some sexual fantasy, 384 00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:07,298 I'm a whole person. C'mon, you guys basically invented racism. 385 00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:09,300 If I wanted to fuck something good, 386 00:16:09,301 --> 00:16:11,886 I wouldn't have come to Earth World. 387 00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:13,304 Aaaah! 388 00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:16,140 I don't even know who this is! Aaaaah! 389 00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:18,644 It's John Legend, I think! Oh, my God! 390 00:16:23,315 --> 00:16:26,318 Summer? Rick? A-Anyone?! 391 00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:29,654 Uh, that's the entire Culkin family! 392 00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:31,948 I-I guess there's seven of them? 393 00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:33,367 Aaah! 394 00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:37,537 I loved you in "Succession!" I'm sorry! 395 00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:38,830 Enough kindergarten. 396 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,206 I don't have time to be your dad. 397 00:16:40,207 --> 00:16:42,041 You never did! You want me to be a parent? 398 00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:45,129 Fine. No more talking until you're adults. 399 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:53,074 Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE www.osdb.link/lm 400 00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:01,019 Okay, whichever one you are, you're up. 401 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,062 She can't breathe! She can't breathe! 402 00:17:03,063 --> 00:17:05,023 Aw, shit, fuck! 403 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,191 Take that! Aaah! 404 00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:08,943 How old should we make him? 405 00:17:08,944 --> 00:17:10,820 As old as it'll go. 406 00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:13,115 [ Machine whirring ] 407 00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:19,120 Bet it's scary to have your life in the hands 408 00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:21,372 of unreliable caregivers! 409 00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:23,500 [ Groaning ] 410 00:17:24,626 --> 00:17:26,377 Walk! We're not taking care of you! 411 00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:28,713 Yeah, get up, or we'll leave you here! 412 00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:32,050 Just like you left us. Lazy piece of shit! 413 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:34,218 Fuck you, Dad! Fucking asshole! 414 00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:37,722 You didn't want us. You just wanted to fuck off. 415 00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:39,974 I-I didn't leave. 416 00:17:39,975 --> 00:17:42,351 My Beth died. 417 00:17:42,352 --> 00:17:45,272 Yeah, well, someone left us! 418 00:17:46,648 --> 00:17:48,191 And there's two of us now! 419 00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:50,193 You should love us twice as much! 420 00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:53,529 Both: All we wanted was to be together!! 421 00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:55,531 [ Sobbing ] 422 00:17:55,532 --> 00:17:57,408 Don't you... cry! 423 00:17:57,409 --> 00:18:00,369 You don't deserve to cry! 424 00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,246 Proud... 425 00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:03,247 Proud? 426 00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:05,792 Proud... of you... 427 00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:10,422 for making me old and beating... the shit out of me. 428 00:18:11,673 --> 00:18:13,717 [ Both sobbing ] 429 00:18:15,135 --> 00:18:20,224 Proud you're-- you're both my daughters. 430 00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:25,771 [ All sobbing ] 431 00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:31,150 Ow. Ow. 432 00:18:31,151 --> 00:18:34,153 You little bitches broke my bones. 433 00:18:34,154 --> 00:18:36,448 [ All laugh ] 434 00:18:38,742 --> 00:18:40,285 I'm shitting! 435 00:18:41,078 --> 00:18:42,662 I'm not joking. 436 00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:44,372 Stop making me laugh. 437 00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:46,416 It's making me shit more! 438 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:51,796 Beths: It's perfect! 439 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,756 The only thing that could make this better 440 00:18:53,757 --> 00:18:55,341 is if something was on fire. 441 00:18:55,342 --> 00:18:57,093 I might stab something again. 442 00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:58,928 Probably should turn you back. 443 00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:01,306 Do most kids like to stab this much? 444 00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:04,142 There's the exit. Stay close. 445 00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,060 [ Screaming ] 446 00:19:06,061 --> 00:19:07,645 Please help! 447 00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:09,272 Oh, thank God! 448 00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:12,108 How could you-- aaah! 449 00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:13,901 Oh, shit, Morty's killing... 450 00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:15,361 I think that's Rory Culkin? 451 00:19:15,362 --> 00:19:17,321 I-Is that who this one is!? 452 00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:18,906 We got to bail. Get a head. 453 00:19:18,907 --> 00:19:21,659 What? Put on Rory! 454 00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:23,162 There's no room! 455 00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:26,247 Ugh! It's so wet in here. 456 00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:28,166 It smells, too. It smells wet. 457 00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,959 They're coming! 458 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,503 Come on! 459 00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:34,130 Come on, get in! Where's the remote? 460 00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:36,174 I lost the remote! I can't shrink our heads! 461 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,634 Give me the keys! 462 00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:43,431 More like Earth World. 463 00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:46,350 What? Like "Jurassic World"? The big sequel? 464 00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:47,602 I-I don't know what you're saying. 465 00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:48,895 Well, wasn't it called Earth Park? 466 00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:50,021 No! 467 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,063 Oh. 468 00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:53,024 Is anybody getting cold? 469 00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:55,319 [ Cellphone vibrates ] 470 00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:00,865 ♪ Sometimes you wanna go ♪ 471 00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:04,786 ♪ Where everybody knows your name ♪ 472 00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:10,334 ♪ And they're always glad you came ♪ 473 00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:13,544 ♪ You wanna be where you can see ♪ 474 00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:16,047 ♪ Our troubles are all the same ♪ 475 00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:20,844 ♪ You wanna be where everybody knows your name ♪ 476 00:20:21,845 --> 00:20:24,222 ♪ You wanna go where people know ♪ 477 00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,557 ♪ People are all the same ♪ 478 00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:31,146 ♪ You wanna go where everybody knows your name ♪ 479 00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:36,484 I'm blind! Space froze my eyes! 480 00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:38,986 Yeah, Jerry, I told you that theme park sucks! 481 00:20:38,987 --> 00:21:10,601 {\an8}♪ 482 00:21:10,602 --> 00:21:12,812 Rick: <i>Hello, you've reached 911.</i> 483 00:21:12,813 --> 00:21:16,357 <i>If this is an emergency, please leave a message.</i> <i>[ Beep ]</i> 484 00:21:16,358 --> 00:21:17,775 Gene: <i>The house across the street from me</i> 485 00:21:17,776 --> 00:21:19,568 <i>keeps disappearing and reappearing.</i> 486 00:21:19,569 --> 00:21:21,445 <i>I-I don't know if that's an emergency,</i> 487 00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:23,281 <i>but it's really upsetting.</i> 488 00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:25,574 <i>Could you send someone to investigate?</i> <i>[ Beep ]</i> 489 00:21:25,575 --> 00:21:28,661 <i>So, I was eating a burger, and now my hands are burgers.</i> <i>[ Beep ]</i> 490 00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:30,454 <i>Hi, I'm being home-invaded,</i> 491 00:21:30,455 --> 00:21:32,206 <i>and it's-- it's by a small home.</i> 492 00:21:32,207 --> 00:21:34,458 <i>There's a small home that's home-invading my home.</i> 493 00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:36,794 <i>It's wearing a ski-mask, but it's definitely a house.</i> <i>[ Beep ]</i> 494 00:21:36,795 --> 00:21:38,796 <i>There's a pigeon outside my house</i> 495 00:21:38,797 --> 00:21:40,548 <i>demanding to see my birth certificate.</i> <i>[ Beep ]</i> 496 00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:42,633 <i>I'm beginning to think 911 shouldn't have</i> 497 00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:44,093 <i>an answering machine.</i> 498 00:21:44,094 --> 00:21:46,137 <i>Also, I have eleven legs now.</i> 499 00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:48,307 <i>Nobody ever comes.</i> <i>[ Beep ]</i> 500 00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:51,351 Did you get any of that? 500 00:21:52,305 --> 00:22:52,432 Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE www.osdb.link/lm