Thundercrack!

1 00:00:01,730 --> 00:00:04,860 [ Wind whipping ] 2 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:11,860 [ Thunder crashes ] 3 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:19,074 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 4 00:00:31,340 --> 00:00:39,340 [ Thunder crashing ] 5 00:02:35,430 --> 00:02:37,470 ANNOUNCER: The October storm, 6 00:02:37,590 --> 00:02:39,510 caused by a double-barrel low-pressure system 7 00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:40,640 in eastern Nebraska, 8 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:44,100 is the most intense so far of this winter season. 9 00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:46,980 Travelers' warnings for flash flooding, high winds, 10 00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,520 and severe thunderstorms. . . 11 00:02:48,650 --> 00:02:50,650 GERT: [ Coughing ] 12 00:02:50,770 --> 00:02:52,940 [ Laughing ] 13 00:02:53,070 --> 00:02:54,900 ANNOUNCER: Motorists are advised to take extreme caution, 14 00:02:55,030 --> 00:02:56,820 as already the road conditions have become treacherous, 15 00:02:56,950 --> 00:02:59,870 especially in those areas where the highways cross 16 00:02:59,990 --> 00:03:02,950 or are near rivers or other major bodies of water. 17 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:07,410 I repeat, the Weather Bureau has issued travelers' warnings 18 00:03:07,540 --> 00:03:11,710 for flash flooding, high winds, and severe thunderstorms. 19 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,460 The motorist is advised to take extreme caution 20 00:03:14,590 --> 00:03:16,550 as road conditions have already. . . 21 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,720 GERT: Shut the hell up. 22 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:20,390 Goddamn puppet. 23 00:03:20,510 --> 00:03:24,970 You're nothing but a puppet for the Weather Bureau. 24 00:03:25,100 --> 00:03:30,650 And they pull the string that makes your mouth go up and down. 25 00:03:32,900 --> 00:03:38,110 I'll bet you don't even know what the hell an isobar is. 26 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:40,320 [ Laughs ] 27 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:51,330 And don't go telling me it's some kind of a popsicle. 28 00:03:51,460 --> 00:03:54,460 'Cause it ain't! 29 00:03:56,880 --> 00:04:00,050 I got schooling in me. 30 00:04:00,180 --> 00:04:03,390 I'm no dummy. 31 00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:06,390 Charlie saw to that. 32 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:15,360 Charlie didn't want no dummy for a wife. 33 00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:25,530 And I didn't want no Charlie McCarthy for a husband either. 34 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:29,660 I wanted Charlie Hammond. 35 00:04:29,790 --> 00:04:35,130 And I wanted to be Mrs. Gert Hammond. 36 00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:38,800 Wife of Charlie. 37 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:42,180 Charlie's woman. 38 00:04:42,300 --> 00:04:43,680 Forever. 39 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:47,010 Not just till they came. 40 00:04:47,140 --> 00:04:49,220 [ Thunder crashes ] 41 00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:55,860 Stinking windshield wipers don't make a damn of a difference. 42 00:04:55,980 --> 00:04:59,110 I shouldn't be toting around mammals on a night like this. 43 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:01,740 Why the hell didn't that crummy circus give me 44 00:05:01,860 --> 00:05:02,910 the amphibian cage? 45 00:05:03,030 --> 00:05:03,950 [ Lion roaring ] 46 00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:06,620 Pipe down, Samson! 47 00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:09,580 You might be king of the jungle in Africa, 48 00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:12,750 but in this circus, you're nothing but a bozo. 49 00:05:12,870 --> 00:05:16,250 Every time I see that trainer putting the hula hoops on you 50 00:05:16,380 --> 00:05:18,050 and I see those kids screaming 51 00:05:18,170 --> 00:05:21,050 with the Cracker Jacks flying out of their mouths 52 00:05:21,170 --> 00:05:23,840 and the cotton candy sticking to their chins, 53 00:05:23,970 --> 00:05:25,970 it makes me sick! 54 00:05:26,100 --> 00:05:27,930 Sick, Samson! 55 00:05:28,060 --> 00:05:29,680 Yeah, sick. 56 00:05:29,810 --> 00:05:31,350 I want to puke on them. 57 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:34,440 God knows it wouldn't make any difference, 58 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,310 what with the mustard and ice cream 59 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:40,320 dripping down their fat little necks. 60 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,490 God, you can't even tell 61 00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:46,450 between the freckles and the mashed popcorn. 62 00:05:46,570 --> 00:05:49,990 -[ Gorilla snarling ] -No, Medusa. 63 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,620 I wasn't talking about you. 64 00:05:52,750 --> 00:05:55,710 Gorillas are different from little children. 65 00:05:55,830 --> 00:05:58,290 They have more hair. 66 00:05:58,420 --> 00:06:00,460 [ Elephant trumpets ] 67 00:06:06,550 --> 00:06:08,220 Don't know what he's carrying, 68 00:06:08,350 --> 00:06:10,930 but whatever they are, they sure are hungry. 69 00:06:11,060 --> 00:06:14,270 I don't have to worry about hunger. 70 00:06:14,390 --> 00:06:16,100 Of the stomach. 71 00:06:16,230 --> 00:06:18,150 Just the other hunger. 72 00:06:18,270 --> 00:06:23,240 The one more ravishing that I worry about. 73 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,950 But why worry? 74 00:06:27,070 --> 00:06:30,910 Wasn't there something I read or heard in church, 75 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,120 something about birds. 76 00:06:33,250 --> 00:06:35,830 Birds don't worry about eating, 77 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:40,290 and yet God provides plenty of food. 78 00:06:40,420 --> 00:06:44,760 But I -- I'm not satisfied with just worms! 79 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:47,680 I need something more substantial. 80 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,390 [ Horn honks, tires screech ] 81 00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:52,560 [ Horn honking ] 82 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,640 Howdy, stranger. 83 00:06:54,770 --> 00:06:56,350 No need to ask if you need a lift. 84 00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:58,310 We all need one in this kind of weather. 85 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:03,440 The real question -- The $64,000 question is -- 86 00:07:03,570 --> 00:07:04,570 How high do you want to get? 87 00:07:04,690 --> 00:07:06,450 What are you -- a junkie? 88 00:07:06,570 --> 00:07:08,990 Only junk I carry is on my wrist. 89 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:11,490 And what do you have in those two crates? 90 00:07:11,620 --> 00:07:12,740 Oh, it's just something I picked up 91 00:07:12,870 --> 00:07:14,330 when I was hitchhiking from Tucson. 92 00:07:14,450 --> 00:07:16,910 ROO: Well, you take your two crates and you take yourself 93 00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:18,870 and you get yourself right into this car 94 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,250 before you drown in that rain. 95 00:07:20,380 --> 00:07:21,920 Yes, ma'am. Right away. 96 00:07:22,050 --> 00:07:24,000 Sash, pick up that lily-white butt 97 00:07:24,130 --> 00:07:25,670 and go help with Mr. Stranger with his things. 98 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,470 And just give him a hand, you hear? 99 00:07:36,980 --> 00:07:40,310 I was ordered to lend you a hand and nothing more. 100 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:43,690 Those were the orders from our general over there 101 00:07:43,820 --> 00:07:46,900 with her junk-jewelry medals. 102 00:07:47,030 --> 00:07:48,950 Why do you listen to her? 103 00:07:49,070 --> 00:07:51,200 Why did you bring what I was told -- the lily-white butt -- 104 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:53,080 out in this rain? 105 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:59,540 My butt's white from being so numb after two days of driving. 106 00:07:59,670 --> 00:08:02,880 But it used to be red when we used to live in Tucson. 107 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,920 If only you could have seen it then. 108 00:08:05,050 --> 00:08:07,710 Gee, ma'am, I ain't even seen the white one yet. 109 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,550 So quit jumping the gun. 110 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:11,640 Oh, you'll see it all right. 111 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:12,800 Just a matter of time. 112 00:08:12,930 --> 00:08:13,760 -[ Horn honks ] -ROO: Sash! 113 00:08:13,890 --> 00:08:15,350 And Ruta's whim. 114 00:08:15,470 --> 00:08:18,180 Sash, honey, your skirt's soaked through to the skin. 115 00:08:18,310 --> 00:08:20,600 so please take it off before sitting next to me. 116 00:08:21,850 --> 00:08:23,860 Now, come on in, you two, 117 00:08:23,980 --> 00:08:27,070 and Mister -- What's your name again? 118 00:08:27,190 --> 00:08:28,740 Toydy. Toydy McNeil. 119 00:08:28,860 --> 00:08:31,410 ''Toydy''? Is that Brooklyn? 120 00:08:31,530 --> 00:08:32,450 TOYDY: No. Why? 121 00:08:32,570 --> 00:08:33,990 ROO: Well, in Brooklyn, 122 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:36,240 they say things like doydy and boydy and toydy. 123 00:08:36,370 --> 00:08:38,250 I was educated in Brooklyn. 124 00:08:38,370 --> 00:08:40,290 Brooklyn Community College. 125 00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:42,830 It was quite a community of fatsos. 126 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:46,090 They really believed in letting it all hang out. 127 00:08:46,210 --> 00:08:48,510 Hanging out of their shirt sleeves 128 00:08:48,630 --> 00:08:50,420 and the collars of their suits 129 00:08:50,550 --> 00:08:52,840 and their two-piece bathing suits. 130 00:08:52,970 --> 00:08:56,010 You know, people see whales on the beach after a storm, 131 00:08:56,140 --> 00:08:57,850 and they think that's something. 132 00:08:57,970 --> 00:08:59,600 That's only because they've never been to Brighton Beach. 133 00:08:59,730 --> 00:09:02,980 Well, I'm for letting it all hang out. 134 00:09:03,100 --> 00:09:05,900 That's been my motto since I was 17. 135 00:09:06,020 --> 00:09:07,230 I'm sure what you have to hang out 136 00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:09,860 is well worth exposing to the light of day. 137 00:09:09,990 --> 00:09:13,280 Or, for that matter, a 6-watt overhead lamp. 138 00:09:13,990 --> 00:09:16,070 Care to surface your breathing snorkel? 139 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,200 SASH: Ruta, cut it out. 140 00:09:18,330 --> 00:09:19,750 Turn off that light. 141 00:09:19,870 --> 00:09:21,910 I've had enough of this filth. 142 00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:24,080 Who was she telling you about back there? 143 00:09:24,210 --> 00:09:26,590 TOYDY: Oh, nothing much. Something about Tucson. 144 00:09:26,710 --> 00:09:29,090 About how she used to have a red butt? 145 00:09:29,210 --> 00:09:30,300 -SASH: Shut up, Ruta. -TOYDY: That's it. 146 00:09:30,420 --> 00:09:32,260 She said she had a red butt when she was in Arizona. 147 00:09:32,380 --> 00:09:33,720 SASH: Ruta! 148 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,260 She didn't get it from lying in too much sun. 149 00:09:35,390 --> 00:09:36,260 I can tell you that. 150 00:09:36,390 --> 00:09:37,760 You want to know how she got it? 151 00:09:37,890 --> 00:09:39,810 Shut up, Ruta. I'm warning you. 152 00:09:39,930 --> 00:09:42,100 You want to know, stranger? 153 00:09:42,230 --> 00:09:44,980 Yeah, well, I don't know. Sure. 154 00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:46,520 Roo, you keep your mouth shut! 155 00:09:46,650 --> 00:09:47,810 He wants to know, honey. 156 00:09:47,940 --> 00:09:48,860 Shut up! 157 00:09:48,980 --> 00:09:51,740 I'm not going to tell you till you let it all hang out. 158 00:09:51,860 --> 00:09:53,240 Come on, now. Fair's fair. 159 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,660 I let you see her lily-white butt, didn't I? 160 00:10:00,620 --> 00:10:01,790 Ooh, baby doll. 161 00:10:01,910 --> 00:10:03,580 For that, I'd give you 162 00:10:03,710 --> 00:10:07,040 the formula to the atomic bomb if I knew it. 163 00:10:07,170 --> 00:10:10,250 Didn't you learn that stuff in Brooklyn Community College? 164 00:10:10,380 --> 00:10:14,260 ROO: They taught us about atomic fission and fusion. 165 00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:16,800 And I was all hot for fusion, baby. 166 00:10:16,930 --> 00:10:20,140 TOYDY: Red hot like your friend's butt was? 167 00:10:20,260 --> 00:10:23,270 You didn't tell him, Roo, did you? 168 00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:24,770 I have to tell him now, Sash. 169 00:10:24,890 --> 00:10:26,770 I can't leave him hanging in the air 170 00:10:26,900 --> 00:10:29,900 when he's giving me what I want right in the palm of my hand. 171 00:10:30,020 --> 00:10:31,820 SASH: You'll never live to tell him! 172 00:10:31,940 --> 00:10:32,940 Never! 173 00:10:33,070 --> 00:10:34,360 [ Tires screeching ] 174 00:10:39,620 --> 00:10:42,160 [ Crash ] 175 00:10:43,580 --> 00:10:46,080 [ Explosion ] 176 00:10:47,670 --> 00:10:49,380 BOND: Hey, I saw something. 177 00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:51,000 An explosion or something. 178 00:10:51,130 --> 00:10:53,340 -CHANDLER: What? -BOND: I don't know. 179 00:10:53,460 --> 00:10:56,680 It was like a big ball of fire, like something exploded. 180 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:58,180 A gas tank or something. 181 00:10:58,300 --> 00:10:59,470 CHANDLER: You're very observant. 182 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:00,970 BOND: So are you. 183 00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:02,350 I've been noticing 184 00:11:02,470 --> 00:11:05,020 you scrutinizing me for a long time now. 185 00:11:05,140 --> 00:11:06,390 What was it you were scrutinizing? 186 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:07,890 My nose? 187 00:11:08,020 --> 00:11:09,980 Was there a piece of snot hanging from my nose? 188 00:11:10,110 --> 00:11:11,400 No. 189 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:13,020 BOND: Well, I caught a cold, you know, 190 00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:15,190 waiting out there in the rain until you picked me up. 191 00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:16,950 I'm mighty grateful to you, 192 00:11:17,070 --> 00:11:18,860 what, with all your sweet music 193 00:11:18,990 --> 00:11:21,370 and your fancy-smelling pipe tobacco. 194 00:11:21,490 --> 00:11:23,660 What's the matter? You don't like Tchaikovsky? 195 00:11:23,790 --> 00:11:25,500 BOND: I'm not complaining, Chandler. 196 00:11:25,620 --> 00:11:27,370 In fact, I said I'm mighty grateful. 197 00:11:27,500 --> 00:11:29,040 -It's just that. . . -What, Bond? 198 00:11:29,170 --> 00:11:31,080 Well, it's just. . . 199 00:11:31,210 --> 00:11:34,550 My gazes? My admiring glances? 200 00:11:34,670 --> 00:11:37,880 At your rather extravagant torso 201 00:11:38,010 --> 00:11:39,630 put you ill at ease? 202 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,760 Well, no. 203 00:11:41,890 --> 00:11:43,890 It's just that that's all you're doing is just looking. 204 00:11:44,020 --> 00:11:46,270 You mean you were expecting me to do something else? 205 00:11:46,390 --> 00:11:48,810 Me? Chandler Wilson? 206 00:11:48,940 --> 00:11:52,060 Heir to the Wilson fortune? 207 00:11:52,190 --> 00:11:54,070 And widower of Sarah Lou Phillips 208 00:11:54,190 --> 00:11:56,190 from the House of Phillips Unlimited? 209 00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:57,820 You mean the House of Phillips, 210 00:11:57,950 --> 00:12:00,160 that big girdle manufacturing plant down in Waco? 211 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:02,740 Yes. That's exactly what I mean. 212 00:12:02,870 --> 00:12:05,490 That big girdle factory in central Texas 213 00:12:05,620 --> 00:12:07,620 where everything grows big, 214 00:12:07,750 --> 00:12:09,790 especially a middle-age gut. 215 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:11,670 I'm scared of that. 216 00:12:11,790 --> 00:12:13,210 Scared of what? 217 00:12:13,340 --> 00:12:14,790 Middle-age gut. 218 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:18,420 Well, you've got nothing to fret about, Bond. 219 00:12:18,550 --> 00:12:20,430 From the looks of things, 220 00:12:20,550 --> 00:12:24,390 your gut looks like it's made out of coiled steel. 221 00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:26,100 You really think so, Chandler? 222 00:12:26,220 --> 00:12:27,350 Pull your shirt down! 223 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:28,310 BOND: What's wrong? 224 00:12:28,430 --> 00:12:30,140 What did I do wrong, Chandler? 225 00:12:30,270 --> 00:12:33,770 That's the second time you've flown off the handle tonight. 226 00:12:33,900 --> 00:12:35,860 The first time is when I wanted to show you 227 00:12:35,980 --> 00:12:37,030 that tattoo on my thigh. 228 00:12:37,150 --> 00:12:40,280 I told you at the time that I had no interest whatsoever 229 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:42,660 in looking at a tattoo of a dodo bird. 230 00:12:42,780 --> 00:12:43,740 But they're extinct. 231 00:12:43,870 --> 00:12:45,160 You can't see them anymore. 232 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:46,490 I'm well aware of that, Bond, 233 00:12:46,620 --> 00:12:49,830 but I think that having one tattooed on your hairy thigh 234 00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:51,710 is in extreme poor taste, 235 00:12:51,830 --> 00:12:54,630 especially considering that the species has vanished forever. 236 00:12:54,750 --> 00:12:56,090 BOND: My thigh isn't hairy. 237 00:12:56,210 --> 00:13:00,050 Let's just skip the subject, shall we? 238 00:13:01,340 --> 00:13:03,680 -Chandler? -Yeah? 239 00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:05,390 Didn't your wife pass away recently? 240 00:13:05,510 --> 00:13:07,600 I seem to remember reading something about it somewhere. 241 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:11,230 My wife, Sarah Lou Phillips, daughter of Leland, 242 00:13:11,350 --> 00:13:14,770 the creator of the House of Phillips Unlimited, 243 00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:17,690 died last year. 244 00:13:17,820 --> 00:13:20,320 Died a horrible death. 245 00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:21,900 BOND: I'm terribly sorry. 246 00:13:22,030 --> 00:13:23,030 For her or for me? 247 00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:24,700 BOND: For the both of you. 248 00:13:24,820 --> 00:13:27,490 Well, reserve your bleeding heart strictly for her. 249 00:13:27,620 --> 00:13:30,620 Our marriage was going up in smoke anyway. 250 00:13:30,750 --> 00:13:34,040 It's just that she turned the expression into a reality. 251 00:13:34,170 --> 00:13:35,330 Wasn't there a fire? 252 00:13:35,460 --> 00:13:36,840 Wasn't your wife killed in a fire? 253 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:38,750 You're very observant Bond. 254 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:41,510 Is that where you got your good-looking body? 255 00:13:41,630 --> 00:13:44,130 From chasing fire engines down the street? 256 00:13:44,260 --> 00:13:46,300 I work hard to get this body looking the way it does. 257 00:13:46,430 --> 00:13:47,600 Well, I bet you have. 258 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:49,180 And is the investment paying off? 259 00:13:49,310 --> 00:13:52,310 Not tonight it isn't. 260 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:55,520 Bond, I, uh. . . 261 00:13:56,770 --> 00:14:00,190 I find you very attractive. 262 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:03,320 So attractive that I want to throw you out of this car. 263 00:14:03,450 --> 00:14:04,570 Well, I don't get it. 264 00:14:04,700 --> 00:14:06,200 If you find me so attractive, 265 00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:09,330 why the hell would you want to throw me out of the car? 266 00:14:09,450 --> 00:14:10,910 I mean, I'm the one 267 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:12,290 that ought to be getting out of this car voluntarily, 268 00:14:12,410 --> 00:14:13,790 knowing what's on your mind. 269 00:14:13,910 --> 00:14:16,960 I can't help what's on my mind, Bond. 270 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:18,420 It's been a year since I've had 271 00:14:18,540 --> 00:14:20,090 any worthwhile sexual encounters. 272 00:14:20,210 --> 00:14:21,960 Is that when your wife died? 273 00:14:22,090 --> 00:14:23,260 Oh, the hell with her! 274 00:14:23,380 --> 00:14:25,880 When I mentioned Sarah Lou Phillips, 275 00:14:26,010 --> 00:14:28,930 heiress to the House of Phillips Unlimited, 276 00:14:29,060 --> 00:14:32,430 I'm not talking about worthwhile sex. 277 00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:35,770 It wasn't sex that we shared in the dark 278 00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:38,940 on that Castro Convertible sofa her mother bought us. 279 00:14:39,070 --> 00:14:41,360 No. 280 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,690 No, that was infantile perversion! 281 00:14:43,820 --> 00:14:46,240 BOND: I want you to tell me about it, Chandler. 282 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:47,410 CHANDLER: Why? 283 00:14:47,530 --> 00:14:50,240 Why would a clean, good-looking kid like you 284 00:14:50,370 --> 00:14:52,910 want to delve into the filth of the rich? 285 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:55,910 'Cause it's a dark, stormy night 286 00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:59,670 and there ain't nothing but this cigarette 287 00:14:59,790 --> 00:15:02,300 and the light on the radio dial 288 00:15:02,420 --> 00:15:05,970 and the rain and your face in that light. 289 00:15:06,090 --> 00:15:08,260 You got a nice face, Chandler. 290 00:15:08,390 --> 00:15:10,350 You got a real nice face. 291 00:15:16,190 --> 00:15:18,400 [ Music stops ] 292 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:22,440 Give me a puff of that cigarette, kid. 293 00:15:22,570 --> 00:15:25,360 [ Thunder crashes ] 294 00:15:27,780 --> 00:15:32,780 First it's a pipe. Now it's a cigarette. 295 00:15:32,910 --> 00:15:35,750 What's it going to be next, Chandler? 296 00:15:35,870 --> 00:15:37,620 White Owl cigar maybe? 297 00:15:37,750 --> 00:15:41,080 CHANDLER: You've got an uncanny way of getting under my skin. 298 00:15:41,210 --> 00:15:43,090 BOND: Wouldn't it be much nicer 299 00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:45,550 if I got into it rather than under it? 300 00:15:48,930 --> 00:15:49,970 [ Tapping ] 301 00:15:50,090 --> 00:15:53,390 Something the matter, Officer? Something wrong? 302 00:15:53,510 --> 00:15:55,350 WILLENE: Officer? Oh, no. I'm nothing like that. 303 00:15:55,470 --> 00:15:58,140 I'm just a housewife. That's all I am. 304 00:15:58,270 --> 00:15:59,440 See my badge. 305 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,810 That was given to me by my husband. 306 00:16:01,940 --> 00:16:04,860 He's the country rock singer Simon Cassidy. 307 00:16:04,980 --> 00:16:06,820 Perhaps you've heard of him. 308 00:16:06,940 --> 00:16:08,950 I've got his pictures right here, 309 00:16:09,070 --> 00:16:11,820 and they're all personally autographed by Simon. 310 00:16:11,950 --> 00:16:13,410 Would you like one? 311 00:16:13,530 --> 00:16:14,950 I'm his secretary, 312 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,830 and Simon personally autographs every 8x10 glossy 313 00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:18,960 for his friends. 314 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:20,250 You, young fella. 315 00:16:20,370 --> 00:16:22,460 You look like a country rock fan. 316 00:16:22,590 --> 00:16:24,040 -Are you not? -Sort of. 317 00:16:24,170 --> 00:16:26,420 My, my, my. Aren't you a wet noodle? 318 00:16:26,550 --> 00:16:28,510 He's no wet noodle, lady. I can testify to that. 319 00:16:28,630 --> 00:16:29,970 WILLENE: Well, I'm becoming one 320 00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,760 just standing out here in all this rain. 321 00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:33,340 Listen, I just stopped to converse 322 00:16:33,470 --> 00:16:34,390 with my fellow travelers 323 00:16:34,510 --> 00:16:35,850 about the explosion I just saw down the road a bit. 324 00:16:35,970 --> 00:16:37,310 BOND: I told you, Chandler. 325 00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:39,100 I told you I saw something blow up. 326 00:16:39,230 --> 00:16:42,100 Maybe a bolt of lightning hit a tree or something like that. 327 00:16:42,230 --> 00:16:44,360 WILLENE: I didn't see no lightning, mister. 328 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:47,440 There was a big yellow flash and then an orange sheet of fire. 329 00:16:47,570 --> 00:16:48,820 Chandler, maybe somebody got hurt. 330 00:16:48,940 --> 00:16:50,070 Listen, kid. 331 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:53,320 I vowed before embarking on this trip 332 00:16:53,450 --> 00:16:58,120 that once I started, I was never looking back. 333 00:16:58,250 --> 00:17:01,250 Now, I'm going to Waco, Texas, 334 00:17:01,370 --> 00:17:04,080 to that great giant girdle factory 335 00:17:04,210 --> 00:17:07,050 that stands like a mammoth mausoleum 336 00:17:07,170 --> 00:17:10,510 to the memory of my dead wife, Sarah Lou Phillips. 337 00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:11,880 You mean Sarah Lou Phillips 338 00:17:12,010 --> 00:17:13,800 of the House of Phillips Unlimited? 339 00:17:13,930 --> 00:17:15,430 Yeah. That's what he's talking about. 340 00:17:15,550 --> 00:17:16,760 CHANDLER: And I don't intend to water down my mission, 341 00:17:16,890 --> 00:17:19,020 the only mission I've got in life, 342 00:17:19,140 --> 00:17:22,520 just because some ball of fire lights up the night sky 343 00:17:22,650 --> 00:17:24,850 in this godforsaken nowhere land. 344 00:17:24,980 --> 00:17:26,400 [ Thunder crashes ] 345 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:29,360 No, the ball of fire I've got planned 346 00:17:29,490 --> 00:17:32,650 is going to rival the sun itself. 347 00:17:32,780 --> 00:17:35,280 You mark my words, Bond. 348 00:17:35,410 --> 00:17:37,370 It's gonna turn night into day! 349 00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:38,790 You scare me, mister. 350 00:17:38,910 --> 00:17:40,580 You're talking like some sort of beatnik. 351 00:17:40,700 --> 00:17:42,210 CHANDLER: And supposing I am, 352 00:17:42,330 --> 00:17:44,080 what have you got against beatniks? 353 00:17:44,210 --> 00:17:46,130 WILLENE: Well, for one thing, their bongo drums. 354 00:17:46,250 --> 00:17:48,420 I can't stand all that stupid pounding. 355 00:17:48,550 --> 00:17:51,670 Listen, I don't know how we got on this hypotrical subject. 356 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:52,970 CHANDLER: ''Hypothetical.'' 357 00:17:53,090 --> 00:17:54,130 Well, that's what I said. 358 00:17:54,260 --> 00:17:55,550 Now, we ought to go back. 359 00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:57,260 There might be people dying back there. 360 00:17:57,390 --> 00:17:59,390 There are people up ahead who are dying, too. 361 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:00,680 [ Engine turns over ] 362 00:18:00,810 --> 00:18:02,730 BOND: Look, Chandler. 363 00:18:04,020 --> 00:18:07,900 I gave you that cigarette, and you put it in your mouth. 364 00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:11,570 How about that White Owl Cigar? 365 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:15,570 I saw some lights up ahead. 366 00:18:15,700 --> 00:18:17,700 There's probably a farmhouse up there. 367 00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:20,490 So I'll go and check and see if they have a telephone 368 00:18:20,620 --> 00:18:22,950 just in case you find someone injured. 369 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:24,000 All right, lady. 370 00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:26,500 We'll meet you there. 371 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,540 WILLENE: God bless you and keep you, 372 00:18:29,670 --> 00:18:34,420 for the devil walks about on nights such as this. 373 00:18:41,470 --> 00:18:43,180 [ Knock on door ] 374 00:18:43,310 --> 00:18:45,310 GERT: Who is it? 375 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:48,310 [ Thunder crashes ] 376 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:52,190 Who's that knocking at my door? 377 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:55,360 [ Chuckles ] 378 00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:59,870 Is that you, Mr. Maple Tree? 379 00:18:59,990 --> 00:19:01,990 [ Laughs ] 380 00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:07,370 Is the wind making you bang your branches against my door? 381 00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:08,670 [ Laughs ] 382 00:19:08,790 --> 00:19:12,380 WILLENE: Hello in there. Anybody home? 383 00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:14,550 Oh, my God. 384 00:19:14,670 --> 00:19:18,680 That was a human voice. 385 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:25,060 That was a woman's voice calling from behind that door! 386 00:19:25,770 --> 00:19:29,730 Who is it that speaks to me with the voice of a woman?! 387 00:19:29,860 --> 00:19:31,690 WILLENE: My name is Mrs. Cassidy. 388 00:19:31,820 --> 00:19:34,030 Sorry to bother you, but I need your help. 389 00:19:34,150 --> 00:19:36,900 Well, just a minute, Mrs. Cassidy! 390 00:19:37,030 --> 00:19:41,780 Mrs. Gert Hammond will be with you in a minute! 391 00:19:41,910 --> 00:19:44,160 Please be patient. 392 00:19:55,710 --> 00:20:01,300 Why couldn't she have telephoned before coming over? 393 00:20:01,430 --> 00:20:05,140 It isn't fair after all these years 394 00:20:05,270 --> 00:20:08,180 that someone should knock on my door 395 00:20:08,310 --> 00:20:11,310 and not even warn me of their visit. 396 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,360 Thirty minutes' warning. 397 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,280 That's all I ask. 398 00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:21,570 One half-hour to bathe and scent my body 399 00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:25,200 in preparation for the ensuing visitation. 400 00:20:25,330 --> 00:20:27,120 [ Knocking continues ] 401 00:20:27,250 --> 00:20:30,290 Just a moment, Mrs. Cassidy! 402 00:20:30,420 --> 00:20:33,960 Mrs. Gert Hammond will be with you in a moment. 403 00:20:34,090 --> 00:20:37,460 Please forgive the delay. 404 00:20:37,590 --> 00:20:40,260 My hair. 405 00:20:40,380 --> 00:20:44,890 She mustn't see my hair like this. 406 00:20:47,270 --> 00:20:49,850 Oh, my God. 407 00:20:49,980 --> 00:20:53,860 I'm seeing double. 408 00:20:53,980 --> 00:20:55,900 I'm so drunk, 409 00:20:56,020 --> 00:21:02,860 I can't possibly hold an audience with Mrs. Cassidy. 410 00:21:02,990 --> 00:21:06,410 Oh, what'll she think of me? 411 00:21:06,540 --> 00:21:10,080 She'll pity me. 412 00:21:10,210 --> 00:21:17,000 I'll be a disgrace to the memory of my dead husband. 413 00:21:22,050 --> 00:21:23,680 Oh. 414 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:25,800 Oh. 415 00:21:25,930 --> 00:21:30,390 I got to get this alcohol out of my system. 416 00:21:32,980 --> 00:21:35,230 [ Knocking continues ] 417 00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:36,520 [ Gags ] 418 00:21:36,650 --> 00:21:40,070 [ Coughing, breathing heavily ] 419 00:21:40,190 --> 00:21:41,610 [ Groaning ] 420 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:04,970 Oh, why did you have to come without calling, Mrs. Cassidy? 421 00:22:05,090 --> 00:22:06,550 [ Knocking continues ] 422 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:10,470 Please don't go away! I'm coming! 423 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:12,980 Please, I'm coming right now! 424 00:22:15,310 --> 00:22:18,020 [ Coughing ] 425 00:22:20,360 --> 00:22:23,110 [ Knocking continues ] 426 00:22:38,420 --> 00:22:39,500 My goodness! 427 00:22:39,630 --> 00:22:42,510 Noah himself never had it so bad. 428 00:22:42,630 --> 00:22:43,880 If it keeps up like this, 429 00:22:44,010 --> 00:22:46,130 we're gonna have to build ourselves a -- 430 00:22:46,260 --> 00:22:48,340 Have you been sick or something, ma'am? 431 00:22:49,510 --> 00:22:55,100 My name is Mrs. Gert Hammond. 432 00:22:55,230 --> 00:22:58,650 Welcome to Prairie Blossom, 433 00:22:58,770 --> 00:23:01,860 the name my husband and I chose 434 00:23:01,980 --> 00:23:05,990 for the estate you are now standing on. 435 00:23:06,110 --> 00:23:08,240 What happened to your head? 436 00:23:08,370 --> 00:23:11,280 Please, let me finish. 437 00:23:11,410 --> 00:23:17,500 Our home, built upon a stretch of prairie 438 00:23:17,620 --> 00:23:21,960 between the Chickasaw and Thunderbird Rivers, 439 00:23:22,090 --> 00:23:27,300 was built by hand with loving care 440 00:23:27,430 --> 00:23:30,800 by my husband, Charlie, 441 00:23:30,930 --> 00:23:38,060 who now lies buried in the wine cellar beneath our very feet. 442 00:23:38,190 --> 00:23:42,770 The stones that comprise the outer wall 443 00:23:42,900 --> 00:23:45,860 of this stately mansion 444 00:23:45,990 --> 00:23:51,450 were shipped by horse and cart. . . 445 00:23:51,580 --> 00:23:53,990 Uh. . . 446 00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:59,250 The wonderful granite stones 447 00:23:59,370 --> 00:24:03,880 from the quarry in the state of Connecticut 448 00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:10,680 were shipped by horse and cart in, uh. . . 449 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,390 [ Sighs ] 450 00:24:20,940 --> 00:24:26,940 By four white horses pulling a huge cart 451 00:24:27,070 --> 00:24:32,820 made from the hardwood oak of Kensington County. 452 00:24:32,950 --> 00:24:37,240 The date of departure 453 00:24:37,370 --> 00:24:40,540 listed at the county courthouse 454 00:24:40,670 --> 00:24:48,460 is April 13, 1918. 455 00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:51,880 Friday. 456 00:24:54,220 --> 00:24:57,720 Friday the 13th. 457 00:24:57,850 --> 00:25:04,270 The same date as the death of my husband, 458 00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:10,440 when that hideous nightmare swept down from the Rockies. 459 00:25:10,570 --> 00:25:12,910 WILLENE: Oh, my dear wretched woman! 460 00:25:13,030 --> 00:25:18,330 How could God in his mercy leave you alone in this wilderness? 461 00:25:19,710 --> 00:25:22,500 I'm gonna cleanse you with the waters 462 00:25:22,620 --> 00:25:25,380 that are in such profusion tonight. 463 00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:29,380 How many days and nights has your womanly body 464 00:25:29,510 --> 00:25:31,510 been deprived of a washcloth? 465 00:25:31,630 --> 00:25:33,220 [ Chuckles ] 466 00:25:33,340 --> 00:25:36,510 What do the widows of the world need with a washcloth? 467 00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:39,770 Well, soap, for one thing. 468 00:25:39,890 --> 00:25:44,480 And a soothing body oil for special occasions. 469 00:25:46,730 --> 00:25:50,480 Who are you?! 470 00:25:52,110 --> 00:25:58,030 Coming into my house with your talk of soap and bath oils? 471 00:25:58,660 --> 00:26:02,710 If you're trying to sell something, get out! 472 00:26:02,830 --> 00:26:05,750 I have no money! 473 00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:09,550 Only memories. 474 00:26:11,130 --> 00:26:13,510 WILLENE: I'm not selling anything. 475 00:26:13,630 --> 00:26:15,130 I'm giving away for free 476 00:26:15,260 --> 00:26:18,300 the charity that was instilled in me in my girlhood 477 00:26:18,430 --> 00:26:23,640 as a First Baptist in the First Church of Christ. 478 00:26:23,770 --> 00:26:27,270 The same church that my husband and I were married in. 479 00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:29,270 Do you know who my husband is? 480 00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:31,150 No. 481 00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:33,070 Simon Cassidy. 482 00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:34,450 Who's he? 483 00:26:34,570 --> 00:26:36,160 Do you mean to tell me 484 00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:39,530 you don't know who Simon Cassidy is, a country rock singer? 485 00:26:39,660 --> 00:26:41,660 You, one of the lonely women 486 00:26:41,790 --> 00:26:46,420 who's allowed my husband to come into your room via the radio 487 00:26:46,540 --> 00:26:49,750 to dispel the gloom of your empty rooms? 488 00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:51,500 Don't you get jealous? 489 00:26:51,630 --> 00:26:55,220 My husband and I are as true to each other as we were 490 00:26:55,340 --> 00:26:58,800 three years ago when we were married in Kentucky. 491 00:26:58,930 --> 00:27:01,010 The wedding was perfect. 492 00:27:01,140 --> 00:27:03,020 [ Bells ringing ] 493 00:27:03,140 --> 00:27:06,640 There was something new -- my snow-white virginity. 494 00:27:06,770 --> 00:27:09,560 [ Wagner's ''Bridal Chorus'' plays ] 495 00:27:13,990 --> 00:27:15,860 Something old -- 496 00:27:15,990 --> 00:27:20,070 Simon's mother who came in the most god-awful satin rag. 497 00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:22,200 She looked like a bag of potatoes 498 00:27:22,330 --> 00:27:23,790 that was oozing margarine. 499 00:27:23,910 --> 00:27:26,040 Then there was something borrowed -- 500 00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:29,500 Simon's credit card. 501 00:27:33,260 --> 00:27:35,050 And something blue -- 502 00:27:35,170 --> 00:27:38,430 the bluegrass of Kentucky moving up and down the hills 503 00:27:38,550 --> 00:27:40,140 like the Pacific Ocean. 504 00:27:40,260 --> 00:27:43,930 One of these days, I'm gonna see the Pacific Ocean for real 505 00:27:44,060 --> 00:27:45,980 when Simon makes it to Hollywood. 506 00:27:46,100 --> 00:27:48,770 Does Hollywood want your husband? 507 00:27:48,900 --> 00:27:50,060 WILLENE: Why, hell, yes. 508 00:27:50,190 --> 00:27:51,360 Of course Hollywood wants my husband. 509 00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:53,480 But the parts have just not been 510 00:27:53,610 --> 00:27:56,110 up to Simon's true creative capacity. 511 00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:58,950 Don't stop. 512 00:27:59,070 --> 00:28:01,530 Keep talking. 513 00:28:01,660 --> 00:28:04,660 WILLENE: Well, of course, you've heard of Hal B. Wallis, 514 00:28:04,790 --> 00:28:07,710 the big movie producer who produces all of Elvis' movies? 515 00:28:07,830 --> 00:28:09,500 Yes. 516 00:28:09,620 --> 00:28:10,370 Oh, yes. 517 00:28:10,500 --> 00:28:13,710 Mr. Hal B. Wallis sent my husband's agent a script 518 00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:17,720 for a small singing part in the film ''Bazookas For Peace.'' 519 00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:19,050 Oh. 520 00:28:19,180 --> 00:28:22,970 I'd give my piece for a bazooka any time. 521 00:28:23,100 --> 00:28:25,760 After a little conference with my husband and his agent, 522 00:28:25,890 --> 00:28:28,640 in which I served some homemade brownies and Turkish coffee, 523 00:28:28,770 --> 00:28:31,350 we all decided that the part would be detrimental 524 00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:32,610 to Simon's career, 525 00:28:32,730 --> 00:28:34,860 since it was a gruesome sequence. 526 00:28:34,980 --> 00:28:37,280 Simon was to be a private in the infantry 527 00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:41,360 who sings a song to his troops about life in beautiful Ohio. 528 00:28:41,490 --> 00:28:43,570 Well, that part's all right. 529 00:28:43,700 --> 00:28:44,660 Would you -- 530 00:28:44,780 --> 00:28:49,040 Would you mind washing me a little lower, please? 531 00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:51,040 Oh, there. That's fine. 532 00:28:51,170 --> 00:28:55,170 WILLENE: Anyhow, he was to be singing about beautiful Ohio 533 00:28:55,300 --> 00:28:58,460 when suddenly, a bazooka shell hits my husband, hits Simon, 534 00:28:58,590 --> 00:28:59,970 who plays a private, 535 00:29:00,090 --> 00:29:02,680 and hits him, of all places, in his privates. 536 00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,930 He was talking about shooting it in slow motion, 537 00:29:05,060 --> 00:29:07,260 and I tell you, it made me sick just thinking about it. 538 00:29:07,390 --> 00:29:08,520 GERT: [ Moaning ] 539 00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:11,560 WILLENE: That's just the way I felt. 540 00:29:11,690 --> 00:29:13,150 Oh, it's painful. 541 00:29:13,270 --> 00:29:16,900 Imagine my husband, in his motion-picture debut, 542 00:29:17,030 --> 00:29:20,110 being violently emasculated in wide-screen color 543 00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:22,950 in front of millions of screaming females. 544 00:29:23,070 --> 00:29:25,280 [ Moaning passionately ] 545 00:29:25,410 --> 00:29:26,990 WILLENE: That's right, honey. 546 00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,450 Screaming just like that. 547 00:29:29,580 --> 00:29:31,960 Why, that would be absolutely the end of his career 548 00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:35,880 as an all-singin', all-actin', all-Iovin' he-man. 549 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:39,460 GERT: [ Moaning continues ] 550 00:29:56,900 --> 00:30:00,530 [ Sighing ] 551 00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:16,630 Thank you. 552 00:30:16,710 --> 00:30:20,420 Thank you. 553 00:30:20,550 --> 00:30:22,800 WILLENE: Willene is my name. 554 00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:24,550 And you are, uh, Gert? 555 00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:27,970 Yes. 556 00:30:28,100 --> 00:30:31,060 I'm Gert. 557 00:30:32,020 --> 00:30:37,100 But I'm a Gert reborn. 558 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:40,900 WILLENE: Every day is a rebirth. 559 00:30:41,030 --> 00:30:44,030 Every day is Easter. 560 00:30:44,150 --> 00:30:46,990 Just remember to color your eggs happy colors, 561 00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:49,450 like yellow and baby blue. 562 00:30:49,580 --> 00:30:52,330 By the way, honey, where is your telephone? 563 00:30:52,450 --> 00:30:54,460 GERT: It's in the other room. 564 00:30:54,580 --> 00:30:56,250 Thank you. 565 00:30:56,370 --> 00:30:58,710 [ Thunder crashes ] 566 00:31:06,630 --> 00:31:09,430 There's no sound on this thing. 567 00:31:09,550 --> 00:31:11,810 The lines must be down. 568 00:31:22,150 --> 00:31:26,200 GERT: The storm has no mercy for the telephone company. 569 00:31:26,320 --> 00:31:28,910 Anyway, it's dangerous to talk on the phone 570 00:31:29,030 --> 00:31:31,120 when there's lightning in the sky. 571 00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:32,410 [ Knock on door ] 572 00:31:32,540 --> 00:31:33,700 [ Gasps ] 573 00:31:33,830 --> 00:31:36,290 Oh, you're very good luck for my, Willene! 574 00:31:36,410 --> 00:31:39,210 Those doors have not felt human knuckles for a long time. 575 00:31:39,330 --> 00:31:40,880 I think I know who it is. 576 00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:43,500 It's probably the two men I left in the road awhile ago. 577 00:31:45,470 --> 00:31:46,840 Gracious! 578 00:31:46,970 --> 00:31:50,680 What sort of mischief has the storm been up to? 579 00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:52,810 Then there was a crash! 580 00:31:52,930 --> 00:31:55,390 BOND: You bet there was. 581 00:31:56,310 --> 00:31:59,520 A real bad one, too. 582 00:32:00,730 --> 00:32:02,440 Here we go. 583 00:32:02,570 --> 00:32:03,860 Yeah, they were lucky 584 00:32:03,980 --> 00:32:05,780 they managed to crawl away from the wreck 585 00:32:05,900 --> 00:32:07,320 before the gas tank exploded. 586 00:32:07,450 --> 00:32:09,660 WILLENE: Why is that woman partially disrobed? 587 00:32:09,780 --> 00:32:12,280 Was it the impact of the crash that did that? 588 00:32:12,410 --> 00:32:14,030 My skirt was wet. 589 00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:19,120 That witch over there didn't want me to stain the upholstery. 590 00:32:19,250 --> 00:32:22,710 I should have had you leave the dress on. 591 00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:25,630 A wet stain is better than a smelly brown one. 592 00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:27,210 Now, cut it out, you two. 593 00:32:27,340 --> 00:32:29,260 There's no more upholstery, period. 594 00:32:29,380 --> 00:32:32,090 Yeah, that car ain't nothing but a smoldering wreck. 595 00:32:32,220 --> 00:32:33,760 WILLENE: Instead of fighting, 596 00:32:33,890 --> 00:32:36,180 you three ought to get down on your knees 597 00:32:36,310 --> 00:32:37,770 and thank the God Almighty. 598 00:32:37,890 --> 00:32:39,230 Listen, sister. 599 00:32:39,350 --> 00:32:42,150 I get down on my knees for only one thing, 600 00:32:42,270 --> 00:32:44,400 and it's the men who thank the Almighty I'm doing it. 601 00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:45,480 Whoo! 602 00:32:45,610 --> 00:32:48,400 She's a sassy one, ain't she? 603 00:32:48,530 --> 00:32:50,700 Your zipper's open, young man. 604 00:32:50,820 --> 00:32:51,990 Mnh, sorry. 605 00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:54,120 Fresh mouth over there wasn't satisfied 606 00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:55,990 with handling her stick shift. 607 00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:59,290 It wasn't my fault the goddamn crash happened. 608 00:32:59,410 --> 00:33:01,250 Angel puss over there was to blame. 609 00:33:01,370 --> 00:33:03,330 And for good reason, to shut you up! 610 00:33:03,460 --> 00:33:05,420 Well, you shut me up this time, baby, 611 00:33:05,550 --> 00:33:08,210 but maybe next time you won't be so lucky. 612 00:33:08,340 --> 00:33:11,380 Hush, you two. You'll wake the dead. 613 00:33:11,510 --> 00:33:14,140 GERT: You leave my husband out of this. 614 00:33:14,260 --> 00:33:16,050 My husband was a decent man. 615 00:33:16,180 --> 00:33:17,890 Who is this woman? 616 00:33:18,020 --> 00:33:20,060 She's, um, Mrs. . .uh. . . 617 00:33:20,190 --> 00:33:24,100 My name is Mrs. Gert Hammond. 618 00:33:24,230 --> 00:33:27,190 Welcome to Prairie Blossom, 619 00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:29,320 the name my husband and I chose 620 00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:31,320 for the estate you are now standing on. 621 00:33:31,450 --> 00:33:33,200 SASH: Lady. . . 622 00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:37,870 Why don't you just cut the crap and get me something to drink? 623 00:33:37,990 --> 00:33:40,080 Please forgive my manners. 624 00:33:40,210 --> 00:33:43,750 It's been so long since I've entertained. 625 00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:48,000 Well, you're doing pretty good in that shorty kimono, miss. 626 00:33:48,130 --> 00:33:50,710 GERT: It's Mrs. 627 00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:52,720 Mrs. Hammond is a widow. 628 00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:56,220 Her husband is buried in the wine cellar. 629 00:33:56,350 --> 00:33:57,970 Oh, really? 630 00:33:58,100 --> 00:33:59,810 Well, then why don't you just forget about those drinks. 631 00:33:59,930 --> 00:34:01,810 SASH: Afraid of the dead, Roo? 632 00:34:01,940 --> 00:34:03,600 No, I just don't like things 633 00:34:03,730 --> 00:34:06,860 that lie on their backs all the time without turning over. 634 00:34:06,980 --> 00:34:09,070 I couldn't agree with you more. 635 00:34:09,190 --> 00:34:11,440 Not me. I always sleep on my back. 636 00:34:11,570 --> 00:34:12,990 And why is that? 637 00:34:13,110 --> 00:34:16,780 'Cause in the back, everything lies down flat. 638 00:34:16,910 --> 00:34:18,330 Nothing pokes up. 639 00:34:18,450 --> 00:34:21,160 There's nothing flat about your back. 640 00:34:21,290 --> 00:34:23,080 In fact, it's damn nice and round. 641 00:34:23,210 --> 00:34:25,420 CHANDLER: If you're so accustomed to eyeing buttocks, 642 00:34:25,540 --> 00:34:27,670 what's keeping you from straining your peepers 643 00:34:27,790 --> 00:34:29,750 on this bottomless broad over here? 644 00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:31,380 I'm not a broad! 645 00:34:31,510 --> 00:34:34,130 I resent that male chauvinist slur to my femininity. 646 00:34:34,260 --> 00:34:35,880 You shut up! Shut your fat mouth, 647 00:34:36,010 --> 00:34:38,220 and quit talking like the ghost of my dead wife! 648 00:34:38,350 --> 00:34:40,810 Chandler, your wife's dead! She's dead! 649 00:34:40,930 --> 00:34:42,680 Yeah, but not forgotten. 650 00:34:42,810 --> 00:34:44,140 No. 651 00:34:44,270 --> 00:34:46,310 Women like her that won't let me forget. 652 00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:48,610 You want to know how she died, the stupid fool?! 653 00:34:48,730 --> 00:34:50,480 Let go of my throat! 654 00:34:50,610 --> 00:34:52,690 Stop that childish nonsense this instant! 655 00:34:52,820 --> 00:34:55,320 She died at a garden party one afternoon. 656 00:34:55,450 --> 00:34:57,030 She took her girdle off, 657 00:34:57,160 --> 00:34:58,910 and she held a match to it as a sign of her liberation. 658 00:34:59,030 --> 00:35:01,240 Chandler, let go of her throat! 659 00:35:01,370 --> 00:35:04,750 Yeah, but what she didn't know is that the girdle was flammable 660 00:35:04,870 --> 00:35:06,540 and blow up in her goddamn face! 661 00:35:06,670 --> 00:35:07,870 Stop it! 662 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:10,250 -I'm gonna be sick! -Oh, not again. 663 00:35:10,380 --> 00:35:11,920 It blew up right in her face, 664 00:35:12,050 --> 00:35:14,880 and her head was covered with flaming liquid rubber. 665 00:35:15,010 --> 00:35:17,130 WILLENE: God have mercy. 666 00:35:17,260 --> 00:35:20,890 SASH: Cheesy cow, you almost strangled me. 667 00:35:22,810 --> 00:35:26,020 Everyone at the garden party started screaming. 668 00:35:26,140 --> 00:35:30,610 Then they threw their drinks on her to douse out the flames. 669 00:35:30,730 --> 00:35:33,150 Only, they forgot it was alcohol they were drinking. 670 00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:35,440 Oh, my dear God. 671 00:35:35,570 --> 00:35:38,700 The horror of the moment was so great, 672 00:35:38,820 --> 00:35:40,450 to all extents and purposes, 673 00:35:40,580 --> 00:35:41,780 we were just staring 674 00:35:41,910 --> 00:35:44,160 at this flaming, screaming scarecrow 675 00:35:44,290 --> 00:35:47,080 running across the green lawn in a panic. 676 00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:57,050 And we all started laughing. 677 00:35:57,180 --> 00:35:58,300 [ Chuckles ] 678 00:35:58,430 --> 00:36:03,350 I laughed so hard that tears were running down my cheeks. 679 00:36:06,270 --> 00:36:11,940 We all roared hysterically until there was this hideous hiss. 680 00:36:12,070 --> 00:36:15,530 And then a white column of steam that boiled skyward 681 00:36:15,650 --> 00:36:18,570 from the swimming pool where she fell in. 682 00:36:21,700 --> 00:36:25,490 Then there was silence. 683 00:36:26,700 --> 00:36:27,700 [ Sighs ] 684 00:36:27,830 --> 00:36:29,160 Dead silence. 685 00:36:29,290 --> 00:36:31,920 I'm sorry. 686 00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:35,380 I didn't know that your wife was Sarah Lou Phillips, 687 00:36:35,510 --> 00:36:37,460 the daughter of Leland Phillips, 688 00:36:37,590 --> 00:36:39,880 creator of House of Phillips Unlimited. 689 00:36:40,010 --> 00:36:41,640 ROO: In Waco, Texas. 690 00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:45,810 Well, I didn't realize that I'd married into such notoriety. 691 00:36:45,930 --> 00:36:48,980 To us, the women of North America, 692 00:36:49,100 --> 00:36:51,980 your wife was a martyred saint. 693 00:36:52,110 --> 00:36:55,860 She was a stupid idiot, a sick nitwit. 694 00:36:55,980 --> 00:36:58,900 You wanted to hear about our love life, didn't you, Bond? 695 00:36:59,030 --> 00:37:01,530 Well, I'm gonna tell you all the filthy details. 696 00:37:01,660 --> 00:37:03,990 I'm gonna tell you right here and right now. 697 00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:06,490 Shut up, Chandler. This isn't the time or the place. 698 00:37:06,620 --> 00:37:09,450 CHANDLER: No. No, it wouldn't be for you! 699 00:37:09,580 --> 00:37:11,750 You'd rather I told you at midnight 700 00:37:11,870 --> 00:37:14,670 behind the trash cans at a Greyhound bus depot. 701 00:37:14,790 --> 00:37:18,880 You cheap, rotten hustler. 702 00:37:25,180 --> 00:37:27,140 You brute! 703 00:37:27,270 --> 00:37:28,890 BOND: I'm sorry, Chandler, 704 00:37:29,020 --> 00:37:31,690 but you tried to cheapen me in front of all these people 705 00:37:31,810 --> 00:37:34,400 by suggesting that I'd sell my body to you for money! 706 00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:35,980 And that's an outright lie! 707 00:37:36,110 --> 00:37:39,820 When I give my body, it's like a gift from God -- 708 00:37:39,940 --> 00:37:41,990 without any monteary reward. 709 00:37:42,110 --> 00:37:43,110 ''Monetary.'' 710 00:37:43,240 --> 00:37:44,450 BOND: That's what I said. 711 00:37:44,570 --> 00:37:45,910 It's like a gift from God 712 00:37:46,030 --> 00:37:48,120 without any kind of monetary reward. 713 00:37:48,240 --> 00:37:49,620 WILLENE: Amen. 714 00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:52,710 Well, tell me, O divined one, 715 00:37:52,830 --> 00:37:56,750 can I light a candle at your altar sometime 716 00:37:56,880 --> 00:38:00,210 and pray that you will bestow your blessings on me some night? 717 00:38:00,340 --> 00:38:01,670 Who are you kidding? 718 00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:06,220 Everyone is welcome at Prairie Blossom. 719 00:38:06,350 --> 00:38:10,270 Come, take off your wet clothes 720 00:38:10,390 --> 00:38:14,310 and get into something dry and warm. 721 00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:20,820 You are welcome to don the apparel hanging before you. 722 00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:32,580 To your right, you'll find the clothing 723 00:38:32,710 --> 00:38:35,670 that adorned me in my youth. 724 00:38:35,790 --> 00:38:42,010 To your left, there hang the garments of my deceased husband. 725 00:38:42,130 --> 00:38:49,260 They hang there in the exact condition in which he left them. 726 00:38:49,390 --> 00:38:55,440 For your convenience and privacy while changing, 727 00:38:55,560 --> 00:39:03,440 may I suggest that you use the far bedroom down that hallway? 728 00:39:03,570 --> 00:39:06,860 And now that you have your instructions, 729 00:39:06,990 --> 00:39:11,120 may I wish you all a hearty welcome 730 00:39:11,240 --> 00:39:14,000 for the duration of your stay. 731 00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:16,250 Look, lady. You're very nice and all that. 732 00:39:16,370 --> 00:39:18,670 But, hell, I don't want to stick around here. 733 00:39:18,790 --> 00:39:20,380 I don't think we have much choice. 734 00:39:20,500 --> 00:39:22,800 You notice the level of the river when we crossed it? 735 00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:25,170 How could we remember with the accident and all? 736 00:39:25,300 --> 00:39:28,050 Believe me. We were lucky to make it with the water so high. 737 00:39:28,180 --> 00:39:29,760 Yeah, that's right. 738 00:39:29,890 --> 00:39:32,310 Why, it was all foggy when I looked out the car window 739 00:39:32,430 --> 00:39:33,970 and seen that swirling water. 740 00:39:34,100 --> 00:39:35,930 I sobered up really quick. 741 00:39:36,060 --> 00:39:37,730 That bridge is gone by now. 742 00:39:37,850 --> 00:39:40,900 GERT: And likewise, the bridge that crosses the Chickasaw. 743 00:39:41,020 --> 00:39:41,730 Uh-huh. 744 00:39:41,860 --> 00:39:43,320 No, my friends. 745 00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:46,820 You must not, you cannot go into that purgatory 746 00:39:46,950 --> 00:39:49,070 out those front doors. 747 00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:53,540 Please avail yourself of my hospitality 748 00:39:53,660 --> 00:39:57,410 until the good Lord sees fit to turn off his faucet. 749 00:39:57,540 --> 00:39:59,290 [ Thunder crashes ] 750 00:39:59,420 --> 00:40:01,460 I will leave you for a while 751 00:40:01,590 --> 00:40:05,550 to prepare some goodies from the kitchen. 752 00:40:05,670 --> 00:40:13,670 Remember, please, to use that far bedroom down the hallway. 753 00:40:14,140 --> 00:40:19,100 And please be patient with one another. 754 00:40:19,230 --> 00:40:23,940 The night is always long on the prairie. 755 00:40:24,940 --> 00:40:26,820 Thank you, Mrs. Hammond. 756 00:40:26,940 --> 00:40:28,530 On behalf of us all, 757 00:40:28,650 --> 00:40:32,490 may I wish you God's blessings in your charitable work. 758 00:40:32,620 --> 00:40:37,000 She is a wonderful woman of vigorous pioneer stock. 759 00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:39,710 She's got some pair of boobs. I'll say that much! 760 00:40:39,830 --> 00:40:41,880 I think you've said just about enough. 761 00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:44,130 I bet her butt's seen a lot of plowing. 762 00:40:44,250 --> 00:40:46,210 Never mind about her, 763 00:40:46,340 --> 00:40:49,550 you and I've got some unfinished business to take care of later. 764 00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:50,970 Don't hold your breath. 765 00:40:51,090 --> 00:40:53,090 I'd hate to see that nice face turn blue. 766 00:40:53,220 --> 00:40:53,930 [ Chuckles ] 767 00:40:54,060 --> 00:40:55,470 You're gonna get it. 768 00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:57,520 One of these days, you're gonna get it so big, 769 00:40:57,640 --> 00:41:00,020 it's gonna turn you black and blue for a week. 770 00:41:00,140 --> 00:41:01,730 [ Chuckles ] I give it, Mack. 771 00:41:01,850 --> 00:41:02,810 I don't take it. 772 00:41:44,650 --> 00:41:48,020 [ Door opens, closes ] 773 00:41:54,870 --> 00:41:57,450 [ Clears throat ] 774 00:42:01,540 --> 00:42:04,290 [ Whimsical music plays ] 775 00:43:17,910 --> 00:43:20,700 GERT: [ Moaning softly ] 776 00:43:25,620 --> 00:43:26,790 Oh, boy. 777 00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:28,290 [ Laughs ] 778 00:43:34,470 --> 00:43:38,380 Ah. [ Laughs ] 779 00:43:38,510 --> 00:43:40,260 Ohh. 780 00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:45,270 Oh. 781 00:43:50,650 --> 00:43:54,900 Oh, darn you. 782 00:44:20,140 --> 00:44:28,140 [ Machine whirring ] 783 00:46:48,620 --> 00:46:50,700 Darn you. 784 00:47:03,970 --> 00:47:05,970 -[ Knock on door ] -ROO: Come on! Hurry up! 785 00:47:06,090 --> 00:47:08,220 What are you doing, playing with yourself?! 786 00:47:08,350 --> 00:47:09,180 [ Whirring stops ] 787 00:47:23,690 --> 00:47:25,900 I think the person that decorated this room 788 00:47:26,030 --> 00:47:28,070 had you in mind. 789 00:47:36,460 --> 00:47:38,830 Hmm. 790 00:47:43,050 --> 00:47:45,550 Ugh. 791 00:47:49,550 --> 00:47:52,720 [ Breathing shallowly ] 792 00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:03,320 Ooh. 793 00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:18,540 [ Thunder crashing ] 794 00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:41,150 [ Device vibrating ] 795 00:48:41,270 --> 00:48:44,360 [ Whimsical music plays ] 796 00:49:47,380 --> 00:49:50,380 [ Moaning passionately ] 797 00:50:15,740 --> 00:50:18,330 I hear that noise in there, Roo. 798 00:50:18,450 --> 00:50:21,160 Don't be shaving your legs with an electric razor 799 00:50:21,290 --> 00:50:23,960 when I'm freezing out here in these wet clothes. 800 00:50:24,080 --> 00:50:26,080 [ Vibration stops, thunder rumbling ] 801 00:50:27,540 --> 00:50:29,920 [ Thunder crashes ] 802 00:50:43,770 --> 00:50:47,060 Here, zip me up, will you? 803 00:50:59,580 --> 00:51:02,580 Have fun, baby. 804 00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:23,980 [ Thunder rumbles ] 805 00:51:26,350 --> 00:51:34,350 [ Whimsical music plays ] 806 00:52:41,300 --> 00:52:42,510 Oh. 807 00:52:54,150 --> 00:52:56,860 [ Moaning softly ] 808 00:52:59,700 --> 00:53:04,620 [ Door opens, closes ] 809 00:53:13,420 --> 00:53:16,300 [ Jazz music plays ] 810 00:53:36,020 --> 00:53:37,730 Turn around. 811 00:53:37,860 --> 00:53:40,740 Ohh, come on. 812 00:53:40,860 --> 00:53:42,910 Turn around. 813 00:53:48,080 --> 00:53:50,500 Ohh. 814 00:53:50,620 --> 00:53:53,330 Oh, my God. 815 00:53:53,460 --> 00:53:55,880 Oh, that's a big one. 816 00:54:52,270 --> 00:55:00,270 Oh, boy. 817 00:56:37,290 --> 00:56:38,750 Ohh. 818 00:56:42,460 --> 00:56:46,920 [ Door opens, closes ] 819 00:56:51,140 --> 00:56:53,220 [ Door opens ] 820 00:56:56,270 --> 00:56:59,890 I heard this was the melon season, and now I believe it. 821 00:57:00,020 --> 00:57:03,440 Melons have seeds and I don't. 822 00:57:03,570 --> 00:57:04,690 Not even after that encounter 823 00:57:04,820 --> 00:57:06,280 with Johnny Appleseed over there? 824 00:57:06,400 --> 00:57:09,530 Gyrate, buster. 825 00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:15,280 [ Door slams, thunder rumbles ] 826 00:57:16,910 --> 00:57:19,620 Wow! Would you get a load of this? 827 00:57:19,750 --> 00:57:23,170 Who would have thought that old bugger was into graphic art? 828 00:57:23,290 --> 00:57:26,210 Yeah, get a load of this stuff. 829 00:57:26,340 --> 00:57:28,340 It's really graphic. 830 00:57:28,470 --> 00:57:31,720 [ Moaning softly ] 831 00:57:48,230 --> 00:57:50,610 Check this dude out. 832 00:58:20,640 --> 00:58:23,560 [ Whimsical music plays ] 833 00:58:39,540 --> 00:58:42,500 GERT: [ Moaning continues ] 834 00:59:09,270 --> 00:59:12,320 TOYDY: Get in there, god damn it! 835 00:59:31,050 --> 00:59:33,170 [ Moaning passionately ] 836 01:00:08,710 --> 01:00:10,580 [ Gasps ] 837 01:00:10,710 --> 01:00:12,290 Oh! Oh! 838 01:00:12,420 --> 01:00:14,590 So, that's your game, you batty bozo! 839 01:00:15,590 --> 01:00:17,630 You should be ashamed of yourself, 840 01:00:17,760 --> 01:00:20,590 telling everybody you're in the kitchen making goodies. 841 01:00:20,720 --> 01:00:23,430 And you ain't doing nothing of the kind. 842 01:00:23,560 --> 01:00:26,020 In fact, you've got the gall 843 01:00:26,140 --> 01:00:28,770 to hide behind someone who never lied in his life! 844 01:00:33,860 --> 01:00:34,980 [ Knock on door ] 845 01:00:35,110 --> 01:00:37,400 WILLENE: Toydy, it's Mrs. Cassidy. 846 01:00:37,530 --> 01:00:38,860 Are you finished yet? 847 01:00:38,990 --> 01:00:40,780 TOYDY: Yeah, sure. Come on in. 848 01:00:41,780 --> 01:00:44,540 Don't you ever do that to me again! 849 01:00:44,660 --> 01:00:45,580 [ Sighs ] 850 01:00:49,710 --> 01:00:52,960 I ain't done nothing to you yet, lady. 851 01:00:53,090 --> 01:00:54,210 WILLENE: [ Screams ] 852 01:00:54,340 --> 01:00:56,130 You have no sense of common decency! 853 01:00:56,260 --> 01:00:58,630 Here's a toothpick for you! 854 01:00:58,760 --> 01:01:01,930 And if it's decency you want, don't come in this room. 855 01:01:03,430 --> 01:01:05,430 WILLENE: That filthy man. 856 01:01:05,560 --> 01:01:08,140 I'm afraid you've opened your doors as well as your heart 857 01:01:08,270 --> 01:01:09,480 to the scum of this planet. 858 01:01:09,600 --> 01:01:13,360 Here on spaceship Earth, there is no scum. 859 01:01:13,480 --> 01:01:16,780 There are just malfunctioning circuits. 860 01:01:16,900 --> 01:01:19,240 Well, someone's sure malfunctioning in your bedroom. 861 01:01:19,360 --> 01:01:20,950 That isn't my bedroom. 862 01:01:21,070 --> 01:01:24,620 WILLENE: Well, whose is it, then, your husband's? 863 01:01:24,740 --> 01:01:28,250 It was our son's bedroom. 864 01:01:28,370 --> 01:01:29,790 WILLENE: Was? 865 01:01:29,910 --> 01:01:32,290 You mean he's gone, moved away? 866 01:01:32,420 --> 01:01:33,960 No. 867 01:01:34,090 --> 01:01:36,840 WILLENE: Well, where is he, then? 868 01:01:36,960 --> 01:01:40,800 My son -- Our son 869 01:01:40,930 --> 01:01:42,550 no longer exists. 870 01:01:42,680 --> 01:01:45,350 WILLENE: Oh, Mrs. Hammond. 871 01:01:45,470 --> 01:01:46,640 I'm really sorry. 872 01:01:46,760 --> 01:01:50,350 I didn't realize that tragedy had struck you twice. 873 01:01:50,480 --> 01:01:51,690 Is he dead, then? 874 01:01:51,810 --> 01:01:53,350 No. 875 01:01:53,480 --> 01:01:56,400 He does not exist. 876 01:01:56,520 --> 01:01:59,280 WILLENE: Well, I'm afraid I don't understand what you mean, 877 01:01:59,400 --> 01:02:02,320 but I certainly wouldn't be callous enough 878 01:02:02,450 --> 01:02:04,070 to dwell on the subject. 879 01:02:04,200 --> 01:02:06,580 May I have something to eat? 880 01:02:06,700 --> 01:02:08,540 By all means. 881 01:02:08,660 --> 01:02:10,700 Help yourself. 882 01:02:10,830 --> 01:02:13,620 This looks refreshing. 883 01:02:15,130 --> 01:02:17,540 Oh, it's a cucumber. 884 01:02:17,670 --> 01:02:20,590 Are you in the habit of peeling your cucumbers in advance? 885 01:02:20,720 --> 01:02:24,760 Yes, it ages the flavor. 886 01:02:24,890 --> 01:02:26,260 It certainly does. 887 01:02:26,390 --> 01:02:28,180 Boy, does this taste odd. 888 01:02:28,310 --> 01:02:30,390 Eat up. 889 01:02:30,520 --> 01:02:34,270 You'll soon acquire a taste for it. 890 01:02:34,400 --> 01:02:36,810 I'd like for you to. 891 01:02:36,940 --> 01:02:40,940 It would make for a much closer friendship between us. 892 01:02:41,070 --> 01:02:42,990 I'm afraid I can't finish it. 893 01:02:43,110 --> 01:02:44,950 Would you like to share it? 894 01:02:45,070 --> 01:02:47,910 No, I've already had it. Thank you. 895 01:02:48,030 --> 01:02:51,200 WILLENE: Do you mind if I throw it away? 896 01:02:51,330 --> 01:02:53,210 GERT: Not at all, my dear. 897 01:02:53,330 --> 01:02:56,080 Most things of that nature are disposable. 898 01:02:56,210 --> 01:02:59,800 Just throw it in that bag under the sink. 899 01:02:59,920 --> 01:03:01,420 Why, Mrs. Hammond. 900 01:03:01,550 --> 01:03:05,010 You've got a whole pile of them in here. 901 01:03:05,890 --> 01:03:08,550 Call me Gert, Willene. 902 01:03:08,680 --> 01:03:13,520 I feel that you've gotten to know me more intimately. 903 01:03:13,640 --> 01:03:15,020 Yes. 904 01:03:15,140 --> 01:03:18,770 Those cucumbers did not age properly enough 905 01:03:18,900 --> 01:03:21,440 to suit my hungry lips. 906 01:03:21,570 --> 01:03:23,820 So I had to get rid of them. 907 01:03:23,950 --> 01:03:24,860 Oh. 908 01:03:24,990 --> 01:03:27,740 The smell is really terrible. 909 01:03:27,870 --> 01:03:29,490 I'll take out the trash 910 01:03:29,620 --> 01:03:32,450 if you pick up that thing in the hallway. 911 01:03:32,580 --> 01:03:34,450 What thing in the hallway? 912 01:03:34,580 --> 01:03:37,250 Well, it looks like a banana slug, 913 01:03:37,380 --> 01:03:39,330 but don't let that fool ya. 914 01:03:39,460 --> 01:03:41,130 Banana slugs wiggle, 915 01:03:41,250 --> 01:03:44,460 and the only thing wiggling at the end of that thing was Toydy. 916 01:03:44,590 --> 01:03:47,630 He's quite a man, isn't he? 917 01:03:47,760 --> 01:03:49,800 WILLENE: Well, part of him is a man. 918 01:03:49,930 --> 01:03:52,140 The other part, I'm not too sure about. 919 01:03:52,270 --> 01:03:57,520 The coin of sexuality always has two faces. 920 01:03:57,650 --> 01:04:00,770 That's what my son always used to say. 921 01:04:00,900 --> 01:04:04,190 Are those your son's toys in the bedroom? 922 01:04:04,320 --> 01:04:09,410 My son was rather grown up for a boy of 16. 923 01:04:09,530 --> 01:04:13,990 That's when he started to order those divertissements 924 01:04:14,120 --> 01:04:16,620 through the mail. 925 01:04:16,750 --> 01:04:21,500 They always came in a plain brown wrapper. 926 01:04:21,630 --> 01:04:23,420 And every morning, 927 01:04:23,550 --> 01:04:28,130 I'd bring them in along with his breakfast tray. 928 01:04:28,260 --> 01:04:31,220 He was strictly forbidden to open them 929 01:04:31,350 --> 01:04:35,680 until he had eaten all of his breakfast. 930 01:04:35,810 --> 01:04:36,560 [ Chuckles ] 931 01:04:36,680 --> 01:04:38,890 There was usually prune juice. 932 01:04:39,020 --> 01:04:40,600 Why prune juice? 933 01:04:40,730 --> 01:04:46,280 Gerald always wanted his system cleaned out regularly. 934 01:04:46,400 --> 01:04:49,450 Well, I can see why, after that thing in the hallway. 935 01:04:49,570 --> 01:04:52,490 Who'd want to keep washing their toys all the time? 936 01:04:52,620 --> 01:04:54,370 And after the prune juice, 937 01:04:54,490 --> 01:05:01,040 there'd be two eggs sunny side up and four sausage links. 938 01:05:01,170 --> 01:05:03,090 And after the sausage, 939 01:05:03,210 --> 01:05:06,960 there'd be three pieces of buttered toast, 940 01:05:07,090 --> 01:05:11,220 along with a steaming hot cup of coffee. 941 01:05:11,340 --> 01:05:15,100 I bet he'd take plenty of cream in his coffee. 942 01:05:15,220 --> 01:05:16,810 My son loved cream. 943 01:05:16,930 --> 01:05:19,310 He licked it up like a cat. 944 01:05:19,440 --> 01:05:21,690 But a cat has nine lives, 945 01:05:21,810 --> 01:05:25,770 and your son unfortunately had only one. 946 01:05:25,900 --> 01:05:28,400 So, now he joins your husband in death. 947 01:05:28,530 --> 01:05:31,360 My husband is dead. 948 01:05:31,490 --> 01:05:35,490 My son is no more. 949 01:05:35,620 --> 01:05:40,660 He no longer exists. 950 01:05:41,170 --> 01:05:43,500 Come, Willene. 951 01:05:43,630 --> 01:05:45,960 Shall we prepare a little dinner for our guests? 952 01:05:47,130 --> 01:05:48,960 Damn it, I need a drink! 953 01:05:49,090 --> 01:05:51,760 GERT: The wine is in the cellar! 954 01:05:51,880 --> 01:05:53,260 Please help yourselves 955 01:05:53,390 --> 01:05:56,140 to whatever vintage the occasion calls for. 956 01:05:56,260 --> 01:05:58,890 SASH: Go ahead, Roo. Go get us some wine. 957 01:05:59,020 --> 01:06:02,440 I ain't going down there with no dead man lying around. 958 01:06:02,560 --> 01:06:05,310 I'll go get the wine if Bond comes with me. 959 01:06:05,440 --> 01:06:08,820 I don't like cellars, Chandler. They smell funny. 960 01:06:08,940 --> 01:06:11,780 Do they smell fishy? Is that what it is? 961 01:06:11,900 --> 01:06:13,990 Well, hell, kid, with Chandler, 962 01:06:14,120 --> 01:06:18,030 it's not gonna smell fishy, just strong and musky. 963 01:06:18,160 --> 01:06:21,750 Mrs. Hammond, is there a light down in the basement? 964 01:06:21,870 --> 01:06:25,960 GERT: No, but there's a large flashlight over by the window. 965 01:06:26,090 --> 01:06:27,540 Well, that's real good. 966 01:06:27,670 --> 01:06:30,210 In case you can't get it up, Chandler, 967 01:06:30,340 --> 01:06:32,760 you got something to fall back on. 968 01:06:37,350 --> 01:06:39,180 What's going on? 969 01:06:39,310 --> 01:06:40,060 Stop it! 970 01:06:40,180 --> 01:06:41,520 Stop it, you two! 971 01:06:41,640 --> 01:06:43,100 [ Indistinct shouting ] 972 01:06:43,230 --> 01:06:45,270 You're nothing but a troublemaker. 973 01:06:45,400 --> 01:06:47,860 I don't make trouble. I just make whoopee. 974 01:06:47,980 --> 01:06:49,150 You make me sick! 975 01:06:49,280 --> 01:06:51,490 You make me sick! That's what you make me! 976 01:06:51,610 --> 01:06:53,240 When I put the make on you, Chandler, 977 01:06:53,360 --> 01:06:55,160 you may choke and gag a little, 978 01:06:55,280 --> 01:06:56,740 but you're not gonna feel sick. 979 01:06:56,870 --> 01:06:58,580 Who do you think you're talking to, 980 01:06:58,700 --> 01:07:00,790 one of those life-size dolls in the bedroom? 981 01:07:00,910 --> 01:07:04,160 No. Their mouths are operated on air power. 982 01:07:04,290 --> 01:07:05,620 His operates on lust. 983 01:07:05,750 --> 01:07:07,210 [ Spits ] 984 01:07:07,340 --> 01:07:09,210 That's what you can expect from my mouth, Toydy. 985 01:07:09,340 --> 01:07:11,510 Save that spit for Bond's flashlight. 986 01:07:11,630 --> 01:07:14,670 By the look of the bulge in his pants, you're gonna need it. 987 01:07:14,800 --> 01:07:15,680 GERT: My God! 988 01:07:15,800 --> 01:07:17,390 Back there in the kitchen, 989 01:07:17,510 --> 01:07:19,100 it sounded like a tornado 990 01:07:19,220 --> 01:07:21,640 had decided to join our little party. 991 01:07:21,770 --> 01:07:24,850 CHANDLER: Sorry about the lamp. 992 01:07:24,980 --> 01:07:27,230 Look, I'll give you 6 bucks for it. 993 01:07:27,360 --> 01:07:28,560 Will that be enough? 994 01:07:28,690 --> 01:07:30,820 I don't want your money. 995 01:07:30,940 --> 01:07:36,400 You people have lit up my life more brightly 996 01:07:36,530 --> 01:07:39,910 than that lamp could ever have done. 997 01:07:40,030 --> 01:07:43,620 And if you'll just wait 15 minutes, 998 01:07:43,750 --> 01:07:46,670 Willene and I will prepare you 999 01:07:46,790 --> 01:07:50,750 a tangible example of my gratefulness. 1000 01:07:50,880 --> 01:07:52,250 Come, Willene. 1001 01:07:52,380 --> 01:07:56,130 The pots and pans are waiting. 1002 01:07:56,260 --> 01:07:57,800 ROO: I hope she wasn't referring to us. 1003 01:07:57,930 --> 01:07:59,300 [ Thunder crashes, rumbles ] 1004 01:07:59,430 --> 01:08:01,890 [ Footsteps approaching ] 1005 01:08:06,480 --> 01:08:08,560 CHANDLER: Here. 1006 01:08:08,690 --> 01:08:10,810 [ Clatter ] 1007 01:08:10,940 --> 01:08:12,400 Give me that flashlight. 1008 01:08:12,530 --> 01:08:13,610 You've got your hands full. 1009 01:08:13,730 --> 01:08:15,860 SASH: Full of the wrong stuff. 1010 01:08:15,990 --> 01:08:17,200 What do you mean? 1011 01:08:17,320 --> 01:08:21,830 I'd rather have them wrapped around you. 1012 01:08:21,950 --> 01:08:23,490 What brought that on? 1013 01:08:23,620 --> 01:08:27,540 The way you handled yourself in that room back there. 1014 01:08:27,670 --> 01:08:30,670 How do you know what I was doing in the bedroom? 1015 01:08:30,790 --> 01:08:33,130 I don't mean the bedroom. 1016 01:08:33,250 --> 01:08:35,880 I mean the way you acted in the living room. 1017 01:08:36,010 --> 01:08:38,050 Oh, that. 1018 01:08:38,180 --> 01:08:40,550 Well, he had it coming. 1019 01:08:40,680 --> 01:08:43,390 I don't mean just the rough stuff. 1020 01:08:43,510 --> 01:08:46,770 I mean the thoughtfulness and the tenderness 1021 01:08:46,890 --> 01:08:49,690 that you exhibited to Mrs. Hammond. 1022 01:08:49,810 --> 01:08:50,900 [ Sighs ] 1023 01:08:51,020 --> 01:08:53,190 What, you mean the $6? 1024 01:08:53,320 --> 01:08:55,400 Well, I was willing to give it to her, 1025 01:08:55,530 --> 01:08:57,030 but she just wouldn't take it. 1026 01:08:57,150 --> 01:09:01,240 You won't find that problem with me. 1027 01:09:01,370 --> 01:09:03,530 Huh. 1028 01:09:03,660 --> 01:09:06,490 What do you want, $6? 1029 01:09:06,620 --> 01:09:09,830 $6, plus interest. 1030 01:09:10,630 --> 01:09:14,210 And what's the interest? 1031 01:09:14,340 --> 01:09:20,720 To put it bluntly, my interest in your body. 1032 01:09:20,840 --> 01:09:22,970 Not my thoughtfulness and tenderness, 1033 01:09:23,100 --> 01:09:25,140 just my body? 1034 01:09:25,260 --> 01:09:29,230 I'm playing by the rules of your own game, Chandler. 1035 01:09:29,350 --> 01:09:30,770 I want you to get excited about me 1036 01:09:30,900 --> 01:09:33,520 the same way that you would towards your friend Bond. 1037 01:09:33,650 --> 01:09:36,070 He's not my friend. 1038 01:09:36,190 --> 01:09:39,690 I picked him up when it was dark and he was alone. 1039 01:09:41,410 --> 01:09:43,950 Like we are here? 1040 01:09:44,080 --> 01:09:45,580 We're not alone here. 1041 01:09:45,700 --> 01:09:49,080 You're forgetting about Mrs. Hammond's husband. 1042 01:09:49,210 --> 01:09:50,460 He doesn't count. 1043 01:09:50,580 --> 01:09:52,920 He's lifeless and limp. 1044 01:09:53,040 --> 01:09:54,880 CHANDLER: Well, I'm afraid there's something else 1045 01:09:55,000 --> 01:09:56,460 that you'll find in the same condition. 1046 01:09:56,590 --> 01:10:00,510 So, don't be getting your hopes up too high. 1047 01:10:00,630 --> 01:10:03,300 I don't want to get my hopes up high. 1048 01:10:03,430 --> 01:10:07,010 It's your 'something else' I'm trying to raise. 1049 01:10:07,140 --> 01:10:11,100 Well, knowing the way that I am, good luck. 1050 01:10:11,230 --> 01:10:12,850 SASH: Luck is supposed to be a lady, 1051 01:10:12,980 --> 01:10:15,440 so that cuts the odds down just a bit. 1052 01:10:15,560 --> 01:10:20,320 Just a very little bit, I'm afraid. 1053 01:10:21,650 --> 01:10:23,240 [ Sighs ] 1054 01:10:23,360 --> 01:10:26,120 I forgot to ask whether she was serving meat or fish. 1055 01:10:26,240 --> 01:10:28,240 This would be great with meat. 1056 01:10:28,370 --> 01:10:33,040 Well, save it for down here because I want meat. 1057 01:10:35,380 --> 01:10:37,710 What are you wearing? 1058 01:10:37,840 --> 01:10:39,090 Aren't those Bond's clothes? 1059 01:10:39,210 --> 01:10:41,840 Yes, they are. 1060 01:10:41,970 --> 01:10:44,340 What's that thing pressed into your pants? 1061 01:10:44,470 --> 01:10:48,600 Something I picked up in the bedroom. 1062 01:10:48,720 --> 01:10:53,060 Look at me, Chandler, just for tonight. 1063 01:10:53,190 --> 01:10:55,940 In dim lighting, I'm Bond. 1064 01:10:56,060 --> 01:10:59,980 And this cellar is the bus depot. 1065 01:11:00,110 --> 01:11:04,030 Come on. You can have me for $6. 1066 01:11:07,070 --> 01:11:08,660 You were right. 1067 01:11:08,780 --> 01:11:10,580 SASH: About what? 1068 01:11:10,700 --> 01:11:12,290 Luck is a lady. 1069 01:11:12,410 --> 01:11:16,460 Not tonight, she isn't. 1070 01:11:19,210 --> 01:11:21,710 Where do you want me, Mack? 1071 01:11:21,840 --> 01:11:27,180 Just get down on the table and pull your trousers down. 1072 01:11:30,350 --> 01:11:31,850 Make that louder! 1073 01:11:31,970 --> 01:11:35,640 That's my husband's new song on the radio. 1074 01:11:35,770 --> 01:11:37,730 SIMON: ♪ I can tell you, 'cause I heard it today ♪ 1075 01:11:37,860 --> 01:11:39,230 WILLENE: He just cut that record. 1076 01:11:39,360 --> 01:11:41,570 Well, good for him. 1077 01:11:41,690 --> 01:11:46,320 I'm more interested in somebody who can cut the mustard. 1078 01:11:46,450 --> 01:11:50,240 You looking for a frankfurter to go along with that mustard? 1079 01:11:50,370 --> 01:11:51,740 ROO: [ Chuckles ] 1080 01:11:51,870 --> 01:11:54,910 Sure am, but I've come equipped with my own 1081 01:11:55,040 --> 01:11:56,870 if it turns out you aren't kosher. 1082 01:11:57,000 --> 01:11:58,670 BOND: My frankfurter don't care 1083 01:11:58,790 --> 01:12:00,920 whether your buns are large or small. 1084 01:12:01,050 --> 01:12:04,090 It ain't fussy. 1085 01:12:04,220 --> 01:12:05,010 SIMON: ♪ Honest to God ♪ 1086 01:12:05,130 --> 01:12:08,260 ♪ That's the lyrics to ''A Lovebird's Song'' ♪ 1087 01:12:08,390 --> 01:12:09,930 Hey, what's your name? 1088 01:12:10,050 --> 01:12:12,930 It's Willene. Mrs. Willene Cassidy. 1089 01:12:13,060 --> 01:12:16,310 And that's my husband Simon's record on the radio. 1090 01:12:16,440 --> 01:12:19,150 You got any idea what's inside this locked door? 1091 01:12:19,270 --> 01:12:21,900 WILLENE: I know it's gonna be a hit. 1092 01:12:22,020 --> 01:12:23,230 I just know it. 1093 01:12:51,430 --> 01:12:54,810 [ Jazz music plays ] 1094 01:13:13,990 --> 01:13:16,620 How many hours you been waiting at this depot? 1095 01:13:16,750 --> 01:13:18,580 Three. 1096 01:13:18,710 --> 01:13:20,830 What bus am I taking? 1097 01:13:20,960 --> 01:13:24,090 10:25 to Houston. 1098 01:13:41,440 --> 01:13:43,770 Is it the Silver Eagle Service? 1099 01:13:43,900 --> 01:13:47,070 Yeah. You even get a hostess on board. 1100 01:13:47,190 --> 01:13:49,440 With a big lavatory and a mirror? 1101 01:13:49,570 --> 01:13:52,950 A real big mirror. 1102 01:13:56,990 --> 01:13:58,410 CHANDLER: You know what time it is now? 1103 01:13:58,540 --> 01:14:00,250 No! No! 1104 01:14:00,370 --> 01:14:02,670 It's 10:25! 1105 01:14:02,790 --> 01:14:04,330 It's coming in fast. 1106 01:14:04,460 --> 01:14:05,420 SASH: No! 1107 01:14:05,540 --> 01:14:07,000 CHANDLER: Here it comes! 1108 01:14:07,130 --> 01:14:09,260 Oh, God! No! 1109 01:14:09,380 --> 01:14:11,010 So soon! 1110 01:14:11,130 --> 01:14:14,840 My watch says it's 10:24. 1111 01:14:18,020 --> 01:14:20,890 It's ahead of schedule, and it's coming in fast. 1112 01:14:21,020 --> 01:14:22,520 Here it comes! 1113 01:14:41,620 --> 01:14:44,120 [ Sighs ] 1114 01:14:58,010 --> 01:15:00,770 [ Whimsical music plays ] 1115 01:15:08,570 --> 01:15:11,320 Has anybody ever told you 1116 01:15:11,440 --> 01:15:16,280 you have a nice body for a woman so mature? 1117 01:15:16,410 --> 01:15:19,030 Why, yes, young man. 1118 01:15:19,160 --> 01:15:23,450 My husband, Charlie, used to compliment me on my torso. 1119 01:15:23,580 --> 01:15:28,710 He said it reminded him of a classical Greek sculpture. 1120 01:15:28,840 --> 01:15:33,800 You do remind me of something Greek, but it ain't sculpture. 1121 01:15:33,920 --> 01:15:35,170 Sculpture's too cold. 1122 01:15:35,300 --> 01:15:39,890 You remind me more of a nice juicy piece 1123 01:15:40,010 --> 01:15:41,890 of shish kebab meat. 1124 01:15:42,020 --> 01:15:44,730 Flattery will get you nowhere. 1125 01:15:44,850 --> 01:15:46,850 Would you like me to turn you 1126 01:15:46,980 --> 01:15:49,440 into a piece of shish kebab meat? 1127 01:15:49,570 --> 01:15:52,610 And how are you going to do that? 1128 01:15:52,740 --> 01:15:55,320 It's real simple. 1129 01:15:55,450 --> 01:15:58,280 There's the oven, and here is the meat. 1130 01:15:58,410 --> 01:16:04,160 Now all we need is a long, hard rod to run you through. 1131 01:16:04,290 --> 01:16:06,540 What about the vegetables? 1132 01:16:06,670 --> 01:16:09,040 Oh. 1133 01:16:09,170 --> 01:16:10,420 Your head. 1134 01:16:10,540 --> 01:16:13,050 Your head's a cabbage. 1135 01:16:14,720 --> 01:16:17,130 What about the potatoes? 1136 01:16:17,260 --> 01:16:18,930 Don't forget the potatoes. 1137 01:16:19,050 --> 01:16:24,430 Ahh, here they are. Two lumpy 10-pound bags. 1138 01:16:24,560 --> 01:16:26,810 You're very cruel. 1139 01:16:26,940 --> 01:16:29,520 I should pull away. 1140 01:16:29,650 --> 01:16:30,650 But I can't. 1141 01:16:30,770 --> 01:16:32,230 TOYDY: Why not? 1142 01:16:32,360 --> 01:16:34,650 [ Chuckles ] 1143 01:16:34,780 --> 01:16:38,400 Because I would fall into the oven 1144 01:16:38,530 --> 01:16:42,160 like the witch in ''Hansel and Gretel.'' 1145 01:16:42,280 --> 01:16:46,160 That would leave you alone in this gingerbread house 1146 01:16:46,290 --> 01:16:50,000 to eat all the cookies and peppermint sticks. 1147 01:16:50,130 --> 01:16:53,090 And what's wrong with that? 1148 01:16:53,210 --> 01:16:55,420 You would get sick. 1149 01:16:55,550 --> 01:16:59,720 And no one would be around to give you an enema. 1150 01:16:59,840 --> 01:17:01,470 You like giving enemas? 1151 01:17:01,600 --> 01:17:05,640 GERT: My son Gerald liked them. 1152 01:17:05,770 --> 01:17:09,310 TOYDY: I bet it was a nice, fire-engine-red enema bag. 1153 01:17:09,440 --> 01:17:12,020 GERT: I didn't use an enema bag. 1154 01:17:12,150 --> 01:17:14,610 My son Gerald always requested 1155 01:17:14,730 --> 01:17:18,240 that I hook up a heavy garden hose to the kitchen faucet. 1156 01:17:18,360 --> 01:17:20,610 He was used to bigger things, wasn't he? 1157 01:17:20,740 --> 01:17:23,910 My son was big for his age. 1158 01:17:24,030 --> 01:17:28,620 He was to be doomed with bigness. 1159 01:17:28,750 --> 01:17:32,250 Are you ready for the rod, Miss Shish Kebab? 1160 01:17:32,380 --> 01:17:33,790 Oh, yes. 1161 01:17:33,920 --> 01:17:36,050 Hurry, please. 1162 01:17:36,170 --> 01:17:38,420 It's getting so hot by this oven. 1163 01:17:38,550 --> 01:17:42,470 TOYDY: Hand me that tin of grease on the stove over there. 1164 01:17:46,060 --> 01:17:47,270 What is it? 1165 01:17:47,390 --> 01:17:49,140 It's bacon fat. 1166 01:17:49,270 --> 01:17:50,770 [ Chuckles ] 1167 01:17:50,890 --> 01:17:53,060 I bet when you fart, it's gonna sound like a pig. 1168 01:17:53,190 --> 01:17:54,940 Oink! Oink! 1169 01:17:55,070 --> 01:17:58,110 Have you no respect for me? 1170 01:17:58,240 --> 01:18:02,030 No. None at all. 1171 01:18:02,160 --> 01:18:05,490 That would ruin the whole thing. 1172 01:18:05,620 --> 01:18:09,830 What is it that you and your generation are seeking? 1173 01:18:09,960 --> 01:18:12,460 I don't know about my generation, 1174 01:18:12,580 --> 01:18:14,250 but I would like to know 1175 01:18:14,380 --> 01:18:19,010 what you have behind that locked door. 1176 01:18:19,130 --> 01:18:23,050 There's too much talk in this kitchen 1177 01:18:23,180 --> 01:18:26,100 and not enough action. 1178 01:18:26,220 --> 01:18:30,600 Start cooking me now, honey, before I go rotten. 1179 01:18:30,730 --> 01:18:34,980 Sorry. No deal, baby. 1180 01:18:36,440 --> 01:18:40,150 Not until you give me those keys. 1181 01:18:40,280 --> 01:18:46,120 You are a slimy, slippery reptile! 1182 01:18:46,240 --> 01:18:48,950 Don't you be calling me slimy and slippery 1183 01:18:49,080 --> 01:18:52,250 with all that bacon fat oozing down your thighs. 1184 01:18:55,580 --> 01:19:01,710 You have degraded my sacredness as a woman. 1185 01:19:01,840 --> 01:19:06,220 You defiled with ugly fat 1186 01:19:06,350 --> 01:19:10,010 the Grecian classicism of my body! 1187 01:19:10,140 --> 01:19:13,020 Your body was nothing but ugly fat to begin with. 1188 01:19:13,140 --> 01:19:14,980 A little extra never hurt none. 1189 01:19:21,610 --> 01:19:25,660 If thy eyes offend thee, 1190 01:19:25,780 --> 01:19:27,280 pluck them out. 1191 01:19:27,410 --> 01:19:30,740 If thy hand offends thee, 1192 01:19:30,870 --> 01:19:33,330 cut it off. 1193 01:19:33,460 --> 01:19:38,920 May God give me strength with His terrible swift sword! 1194 01:19:39,040 --> 01:19:42,130 [ Whimsical music plays ] 1195 01:19:50,810 --> 01:19:51,930 BOND: [ Chuckles ] 1196 01:19:52,060 --> 01:19:53,560 That's it, sweetheart. 1197 01:19:53,680 --> 01:19:55,310 Just a little longer, 1198 01:19:55,440 --> 01:19:59,310 and we'll have mustard and ketchup and mayonnaise galore. 1199 01:20:41,190 --> 01:20:43,610 [ Coughs ] 1200 01:21:04,420 --> 01:21:07,050 BOND: [ Moans ] 1201 01:21:19,900 --> 01:21:20,850 -Hey! -[ Laughs ] 1202 01:21:20,980 --> 01:21:22,730 What the hell are you doing? 1203 01:21:22,860 --> 01:21:24,770 That gave you a lift, didn't it? 1204 01:21:24,900 --> 01:21:25,820 Look, lady. 1205 01:21:25,940 --> 01:21:27,570 I give it. I don't take it. 1206 01:21:27,690 --> 01:21:30,240 Give and take is a fact of life, like in and out, lover boy. 1207 01:21:30,360 --> 01:21:31,820 BOND: Well, you may like it in, 1208 01:21:31,950 --> 01:21:34,030 but I want out when it comes to this kind of hanky-panky. 1209 01:21:34,160 --> 01:21:35,330 [ Pots clattering ] 1210 01:21:35,450 --> 01:21:37,040 What the hell is she cooking in there? 1211 01:21:37,160 --> 01:21:38,370 A pot of Mexican jumping beans? 1212 01:21:38,500 --> 01:21:40,330 BOND: I don't know. We'd better go and see. 1213 01:21:40,460 --> 01:21:41,790 Hell, yeah. 1214 01:21:41,920 --> 01:21:43,790 I had my protein. 1215 01:21:43,920 --> 01:21:46,630 Now I want me some starch. 1216 01:21:46,760 --> 01:21:49,380 Aah! Aah! 1217 01:21:49,510 --> 01:21:51,680 Toydy, what the hell are you up to?! 1218 01:21:51,800 --> 01:21:53,840 [ Pots clatter, all grunting ] 1219 01:21:53,970 --> 01:21:57,970 I was rubbing up the pubic hair with bacon fat. 1220 01:21:58,100 --> 01:21:59,890 Then she went crazy! 1221 01:22:00,020 --> 01:22:01,310 Aah! 1222 01:22:01,440 --> 01:22:04,150 If I could get control of this meat cleaver, 1223 01:22:04,270 --> 01:22:07,530 that's all you'd end up with down there is pubic hair! 1224 01:22:07,650 --> 01:22:10,570 This is crazy! Stop it! 1225 01:22:10,700 --> 01:22:13,200 [ Elephant trumpeting ] 1226 01:22:15,620 --> 01:22:18,120 [ All scream ] 1227 01:22:23,750 --> 01:22:26,090 Did you like that? 1228 01:22:26,210 --> 01:22:27,130 Yes. 1229 01:22:27,250 --> 01:22:30,590 Then what's that tear doing on your cheek? 1230 01:22:30,720 --> 01:22:35,850 It's tickling me, but I don't want to laugh 1231 01:22:35,970 --> 01:22:40,140 because it's not a laughing matter. 1232 01:22:40,270 --> 01:22:41,270 What isn't? 1233 01:22:41,390 --> 01:22:43,730 The whole charade in this house of illusions. 1234 01:22:43,850 --> 01:22:46,110 CHANDLER: You wanted to play this game, Sash. 1235 01:22:46,230 --> 01:22:47,770 It wasn't my idea. 1236 01:22:47,900 --> 01:22:49,190 I know. 1237 01:22:49,320 --> 01:22:53,950 To me, it's like going into those fun houses 1238 01:22:54,070 --> 01:22:55,660 to look at ourselves 1239 01:22:55,780 --> 01:22:58,120 through those distorted mirrors 1240 01:22:58,240 --> 01:23:04,540 and everything is so ugly and grotesque. 1241 01:23:04,670 --> 01:23:06,710 But no one really minds 1242 01:23:06,840 --> 01:23:11,760 because it's a fun house and you're supposed to have fun. 1243 01:23:11,880 --> 01:23:14,260 Everything's distorted in here. 1244 01:23:14,380 --> 01:23:16,050 But I don't care. 1245 01:23:16,180 --> 01:23:19,470 Just so long as I can clearly see the road to my mission. 1246 01:23:19,600 --> 01:23:22,810 And what road is that, Chandler? 1247 01:23:22,930 --> 01:23:27,350 Highway 135 to Waco, Texas. 1248 01:23:27,480 --> 01:23:30,730 The road to that giant girdle factory 1249 01:23:30,860 --> 01:23:34,860 with the neon lettering branding the Texas sky. 1250 01:23:34,990 --> 01:23:37,740 Branding it with fiery red letters 1251 01:23:37,870 --> 01:23:41,080 that spell ''House of Phillips Unlimited.'' 1252 01:23:41,200 --> 01:23:44,250 Why would you want to go back to that place 1253 01:23:44,370 --> 01:23:48,080 after the terrible tragedy that happened to your wife, 1254 01:23:48,210 --> 01:23:49,840 Sarah Lou Phillips? 1255 01:23:49,960 --> 01:23:53,510 Because I want to forget Sarah Lou Phillips 1256 01:23:53,630 --> 01:23:56,050 and her father, Leland Phillips, 1257 01:23:56,180 --> 01:23:59,390 creator of the House of Phillips Unlimited. 1258 01:23:59,510 --> 01:24:00,970 But how can I, 1259 01:24:01,100 --> 01:24:01,930 when they're still manufacturing those girdles 1260 01:24:02,060 --> 01:24:03,180 by the tens of thousands? 1261 01:24:03,310 --> 01:24:05,600 But hasn't the government put a stop 1262 01:24:05,730 --> 01:24:08,440 to the production of those flammable things? 1263 01:24:08,560 --> 01:24:12,020 Well, there's a movement in the courts now to halt production 1264 01:24:12,150 --> 01:24:16,360 until the company chemists take out the volatile element. 1265 01:24:16,490 --> 01:24:17,610 But until that time, 1266 01:24:17,740 --> 01:24:19,280 those giant wooden looms 1267 01:24:19,410 --> 01:24:22,200 are still churning out those stretchable death traps. 1268 01:24:22,330 --> 01:24:25,040 SASH: Has Leland Phillips no heart? 1269 01:24:25,160 --> 01:24:27,540 What of all the women who don't realize 1270 01:24:27,670 --> 01:24:30,710 that they're purchasing a potentially deadly weapon? 1271 01:24:30,840 --> 01:24:34,590 Leland Phillips is said to have a heart of gold, and it's true. 1272 01:24:34,710 --> 01:24:38,880 But they fail to mention that he's also got lungs of silver, 1273 01:24:39,010 --> 01:24:41,640 a stomach of copper, 1274 01:24:41,760 --> 01:24:44,060 and kidneys made out of tungsten. 1275 01:24:44,180 --> 01:24:47,430 There's not an authentic human organ 1276 01:24:47,560 --> 01:24:49,560 in his entire decrepit body. 1277 01:24:49,690 --> 01:24:54,480 The man is a maniac living off the energy of the U.S. treasury, 1278 01:24:54,610 --> 01:24:57,030 created by corporate capitalism. 1279 01:24:57,150 --> 01:24:59,410 Chandler, he sounds like a menace 1280 01:24:59,530 --> 01:25:00,990 to the sisterhood of women. 1281 01:25:01,120 --> 01:25:03,080 CHANDLER: Oh, he's more than that. 1282 01:25:03,200 --> 01:25:06,330 He's a fiend that robbed me of my manhood. 1283 01:25:06,450 --> 01:25:10,710 Why do you think I deviate towards men? 1284 01:25:11,290 --> 01:25:17,050 Some experts say that it's an imbalance in hormones. 1285 01:25:17,170 --> 01:25:18,760 No. 1286 01:25:18,880 --> 01:25:21,300 It's because practically every woman I undress 1287 01:25:21,430 --> 01:25:23,180 is wearing a House of Phillips girdle. 1288 01:25:23,310 --> 01:25:24,470 Oh, God, no! 1289 01:25:24,600 --> 01:25:26,270 CHANDLER: Yes. 1290 01:25:26,390 --> 01:25:28,980 They just stand there by the edge of the bed, 1291 01:25:29,100 --> 01:25:32,060 waiting for me to pull the rest of their clothes off. 1292 01:25:32,190 --> 01:25:35,570 And then they ask me what the hell am I staring at, 1293 01:25:35,690 --> 01:25:38,150 as if I've never seen a girdle before. 1294 01:25:38,280 --> 01:25:39,860 Oh, Chandler. 1295 01:25:39,990 --> 01:25:41,660 Do you know how it feels 1296 01:25:41,780 --> 01:25:43,320 to relive the most hideous moment of your life 1297 01:25:43,450 --> 01:25:46,450 again and again? 1298 01:25:48,870 --> 01:25:53,830 And then those half-naked women wonder why my face turns wet 1299 01:25:53,960 --> 01:25:56,500 and why my eyes pop out of my head 1300 01:25:56,630 --> 01:26:00,670 instead of something else popping out of my shorts. 1301 01:26:05,310 --> 01:26:08,810 But it doesn't pop out. 1302 01:26:08,930 --> 01:26:11,810 Not anymore. 1303 01:26:16,020 --> 01:26:19,320 Can you blame me for turning my back on women 1304 01:26:19,440 --> 01:26:21,820 and giving what I have up front to men? 1305 01:26:21,950 --> 01:26:23,910 No, darling, no, 1306 01:26:24,030 --> 01:26:29,660 but what can free you of this crippling disorder? 1307 01:26:29,790 --> 01:26:33,580 CHANDLER: The destruction of the House of Phillips Unlimited. 1308 01:26:35,500 --> 01:26:42,840 All it would take is a Coca-Cola bottle filled with gasoline. 1309 01:26:42,970 --> 01:26:45,390 That's Dr. Pepper country down there. 1310 01:26:45,510 --> 01:26:47,050 CHANDLER: Well, then, 1311 01:26:47,180 --> 01:26:49,810 a Dr. Pepper bottle filled with gasoline. 1312 01:26:49,930 --> 01:26:52,850 And a fuse made from the fragment 1313 01:26:52,980 --> 01:26:55,100 of a competitor's product. 1314 01:26:55,230 --> 01:26:59,440 You mean a chunk of another girdle 1315 01:26:59,570 --> 01:27:01,150 of a different brand name? 1316 01:27:01,280 --> 01:27:02,950 CHANDLER: That's right. 1317 01:27:03,070 --> 01:27:06,700 It'll make it all the more ritualistic and prophetic. 1318 01:27:08,660 --> 01:27:13,790 Chandler, let me go down Highway 135 with you. 1319 01:27:14,290 --> 01:27:16,830 To Waco, Texas. 1320 01:27:16,960 --> 01:27:19,550 To the House of Phillips Unlimited 1321 01:27:19,670 --> 01:27:23,630 with its red neon sign branding the Texas sky 1322 01:27:23,760 --> 01:27:24,970 with the mark of death. 1323 01:27:25,090 --> 01:27:27,800 Do you want to help me shatter that sign 1324 01:27:27,930 --> 01:27:31,010 until it reads ''The House of Phillips Limited''? 1325 01:27:31,140 --> 01:27:35,020 And then just ''The House,'' until finally there's no sign at all, 1326 01:27:35,150 --> 01:27:37,100 just a massive flaming debris? 1327 01:27:37,230 --> 01:27:41,070 Your mission in life is my mission. 1328 01:27:41,190 --> 01:27:44,860 I love you. 1329 01:27:57,880 --> 01:28:01,210 [ Screams ] 1330 01:28:03,470 --> 01:28:05,800 Be careful with that! 1331 01:28:05,930 --> 01:28:09,760 It cost me an arm and a leg to upholster that chair! 1332 01:28:09,890 --> 01:28:10,800 [ Elephant trumpets ] 1333 01:28:10,930 --> 01:28:12,310 TOYDY: If an elephant walks in here, 1334 01:28:12,430 --> 01:28:13,680 it's gonna be you that's going to be upholstered 1335 01:28:13,810 --> 01:28:15,140 all over this house. 1336 01:28:15,270 --> 01:28:17,440 What is that thing in the jug down there?! 1337 01:28:17,560 --> 01:28:19,650 It's like a man -- the remains of a man. 1338 01:28:19,770 --> 01:28:22,400 Who told you to go snooping around behind the shelves? 1339 01:28:22,530 --> 01:28:25,320 You were just supposed to get the right vintage wine 1340 01:28:25,450 --> 01:28:26,950 and bring it up for supper. 1341 01:28:27,070 --> 01:28:29,620 We're gonna be for supper if you don't stop chattering 1342 01:28:29,740 --> 01:28:31,700 and start blocking those windows! 1343 01:28:31,830 --> 01:28:33,040 What are you talking about? 1344 01:28:33,160 --> 01:28:34,410 What's going on? 1345 01:28:34,540 --> 01:28:36,120 It's not only the elephant out there. 1346 01:28:36,250 --> 01:28:38,210 I just saw a lion head straight for your chicken coop, 1347 01:28:38,330 --> 01:28:39,080 Mrs. Hammond. 1348 01:28:39,210 --> 01:28:40,170 Good Lord! 1349 01:28:40,290 --> 01:28:42,420 Beulah and Pinky are in there! 1350 01:28:42,550 --> 01:28:43,880 Who's Beulah and Pinky? 1351 01:28:44,010 --> 01:28:45,300 They're my prize hens. 1352 01:28:45,420 --> 01:28:46,720 Come on. Come on. 1353 01:28:46,840 --> 01:28:48,340 What the hell is all this? 1354 01:28:48,470 --> 01:28:50,930 All this talk about elephants and lions and hens? 1355 01:28:51,050 --> 01:28:53,760 You'd better add a gorilla to that list, too. 1356 01:28:53,890 --> 01:28:55,390 Well, Chandler, we don't know anything about it either, 1357 01:28:55,520 --> 01:28:58,810 but there's a herd of dangerous animals out in that rain, 1358 01:28:58,940 --> 01:29:01,270 and they ain't shopping for umbrellas. 1359 01:29:01,400 --> 01:29:02,940 Well, for your information, 1360 01:29:03,070 --> 01:29:04,900 there's a corpse down there in the wine cellar 1361 01:29:05,030 --> 01:29:06,320 floating in a jug of liquid! 1362 01:29:06,440 --> 01:29:07,950 Ew. Cut it out, Chandler. 1363 01:29:08,070 --> 01:29:09,530 I'm a nervous wreck as it is. 1364 01:29:09,660 --> 01:29:11,070 SASH: He's not kidding, Roo. 1365 01:29:11,200 --> 01:29:12,830 I was the first to see it. 1366 01:29:12,950 --> 01:29:14,660 What's your game, you stinking nut? 1367 01:29:14,790 --> 01:29:16,120 It's called pickling. 1368 01:29:16,250 --> 01:29:17,120 What?! 1369 01:29:17,250 --> 01:29:19,160 I pickle things to preserve them 1370 01:29:19,290 --> 01:29:22,130 like onions, cauliflower, peppers. 1371 01:29:22,250 --> 01:29:23,540 SASH: And men? 1372 01:29:23,670 --> 01:29:25,340 That's not just any man. 1373 01:29:25,460 --> 01:29:27,050 That's my husband! 1374 01:29:27,170 --> 01:29:29,550 You're crazier than I thought you were. 1375 01:29:29,680 --> 01:29:30,760 Why? 1376 01:29:30,890 --> 01:29:34,560 Because I refuse to cover the tangible remains of my husband 1377 01:29:34,680 --> 01:29:36,680 with a curtain of soil? 1378 01:29:36,810 --> 01:29:38,350 Yeah, but he was all eaten away, 1379 01:29:38,480 --> 01:29:41,100 as if something had been gnawing away at his bones. 1380 01:29:41,230 --> 01:29:42,560 Didn't your mother ever teach you 1381 01:29:42,690 --> 01:29:44,270 the proper way to pickle something? 1382 01:29:44,400 --> 01:29:45,610 Oh, Sash, please. 1383 01:29:45,730 --> 01:29:47,820 GERT: I pickled him right. 1384 01:29:47,940 --> 01:29:52,110 That was the way he looked when he died. 1385 01:29:52,740 --> 01:29:55,240 They didn't leave much flesh on him, did they? 1386 01:29:55,370 --> 01:29:56,740 CHANDLER: Who's ''they''? 1387 01:29:56,870 --> 01:29:59,500 Who are you talking about? 1388 01:30:04,840 --> 01:30:08,380 I'm talking about that buzzing cloud 1389 01:30:08,510 --> 01:30:15,220 that came down from the Rockies on that awful Friday. 1390 01:30:16,140 --> 01:30:19,430 It was a Friday the 13th. 1391 01:30:19,560 --> 01:30:22,520 And it was noontime. 1392 01:30:22,650 --> 01:30:27,820 I was in the kitchen fixing some lunch for Charlie, 1393 01:30:27,940 --> 01:30:31,990 who was working in the grain bin all morning. 1394 01:30:33,450 --> 01:30:36,490 It was a cheerful morning. 1395 01:30:36,620 --> 01:30:40,580 Only, there were no birds singing. 1396 01:30:40,710 --> 01:30:45,920 The birds had all flown away the night before. 1397 01:30:51,340 --> 01:30:57,970 Seemed like there was just me and Charlie 1398 01:30:58,100 --> 01:31:03,440 and that hot noonday sun there on the farm. 1399 01:31:04,690 --> 01:31:08,320 And then it was just me and Charlie. 1400 01:31:08,440 --> 01:31:15,410 'Cause the sun disappeared in a buzzing, screaming shadow. 1401 01:31:15,530 --> 01:31:18,580 I looked out the window. 1402 01:31:18,700 --> 01:31:23,290 And I saw Charlie running from the grain bin, 1403 01:31:23,410 --> 01:31:28,840 all white and covered with wheat powder. 1404 01:31:28,960 --> 01:31:32,130 He froze dead in his tracks 1405 01:31:32,260 --> 01:31:36,260 as he looked up at the sky. 1406 01:31:36,390 --> 01:31:39,890 And that's when they swooped down on him, 1407 01:31:40,010 --> 01:31:43,980 like a black hail of winged devils. 1408 01:31:44,100 --> 01:31:46,060 TOYDY: Locusts. 1409 01:31:48,270 --> 01:31:54,360 They covered my husband with a shroud of hungry mouths, 1410 01:31:54,490 --> 01:32:00,370 each one chomping away like there was no tomorrow. 1411 01:32:00,870 --> 01:32:04,830 They also covered the field where he fell, 1412 01:32:04,960 --> 01:32:11,170 until the whole earth looked like a pot of boiling caviar. 1413 01:32:11,300 --> 01:32:13,380 SASH: Oh, my God. 1414 01:32:17,840 --> 01:32:20,800 The wind caused by the beating of their wings 1415 01:32:20,930 --> 01:32:23,390 had slammed the kitchen window shut. 1416 01:32:23,520 --> 01:32:27,770 And that's what probably saved my life. 1417 01:32:27,900 --> 01:32:35,530 I lay unconscious on that floor for a day and a night. 1418 01:32:35,650 --> 01:32:40,990 When I awoke, the morning sun 1419 01:32:41,120 --> 01:32:46,250 was beginning to bleach the bones of my husband. 1420 01:32:46,370 --> 01:32:48,420 But locusts aren't supposed to eat people. 1421 01:32:48,540 --> 01:32:50,040 You're forgetting something. 1422 01:32:50,170 --> 01:32:52,960 She said her husband was all covered with wheat powder. 1423 01:32:53,090 --> 01:32:55,630 Wasn't there anyone around that could have helped? 1424 01:32:55,760 --> 01:32:59,380 My son was in Borneo at the time. 1425 01:32:59,510 --> 01:33:06,560 I remember praying to God on that night after I awoke 1426 01:33:06,680 --> 01:33:11,310 how grateful I was that my son had been spared the death 1427 01:33:11,440 --> 01:33:14,650 that descended on his father. 1428 01:33:14,780 --> 01:33:16,860 Little was I to know 1429 01:33:16,990 --> 01:33:21,870 that God was to have no mercy on my son, either, 1430 01:33:21,990 --> 01:33:27,750 only a hideous, swelling vengeance. 1431 01:33:27,870 --> 01:33:30,040 ROO: Hey, there's a man out there. 1432 01:33:30,170 --> 01:33:31,330 A man? 1433 01:33:31,460 --> 01:33:34,340 You'd better hurry up, Toydy, and open that door 1434 01:33:34,460 --> 01:33:37,420 before the lion gets bored with his chicken dinner! 1435 01:33:37,550 --> 01:33:40,090 Oh, my Beulah and Pinky! 1436 01:33:40,220 --> 01:33:41,760 I'm so sorry. 1437 01:33:41,890 --> 01:33:44,640 [ Thunder crashes ] 1438 01:33:49,890 --> 01:33:53,110 [ Jazz music plays ] 1439 01:35:59,690 --> 01:36:02,820 [ Soft music plays ] 1440 01:36:51,700 --> 01:36:54,160 [ Jazz music plays ] 1441 01:38:12,780 --> 01:38:20,780 [ Tribal music plays ] 1442 01:43:11,910 --> 01:43:14,750 [ Dramatic music plays ] 1443 01:43:54,540 --> 01:43:56,080 -Shut the door. Quick! -Oh! 1444 01:43:56,210 --> 01:43:58,670 Don't worry about that, mister. I hate zoos myself. 1445 01:43:58,790 --> 01:44:01,090 Those ain't the tenants of a zoo, Mack. 1446 01:44:01,210 --> 01:44:01,960 You all right? 1447 01:44:02,090 --> 01:44:03,340 Those specimens out there 1448 01:44:03,470 --> 01:44:04,970 are under contract to Phineas Harlan. 1449 01:44:05,090 --> 01:44:06,380 You mean the circus impresario? 1450 01:44:06,510 --> 01:44:07,890 The one and only. 1451 01:44:08,010 --> 01:44:09,550 Well, what are they doing running around outside -- 1452 01:44:09,680 --> 01:44:11,010 door-to-door advertising? 1453 01:44:11,140 --> 01:44:14,810 No, I lost control of my truck. 1454 01:44:14,940 --> 01:44:18,810 She went over the embankment about 50 yards from the bridge 1455 01:44:18,940 --> 01:44:20,820 and rolled over into the mud. 1456 01:44:20,940 --> 01:44:22,690 You mean the bridge is out? 1457 01:44:22,820 --> 01:44:25,280 No, my truck. The bridge is still there. 1458 01:44:25,400 --> 01:44:26,700 -Above water? -High and dry. 1459 01:44:26,820 --> 01:44:29,570 Then maybe we can get out of here and hit Highway 135? 1460 01:44:29,700 --> 01:44:31,280 No way, sister. 1461 01:44:31,410 --> 01:44:33,410 Not with all those four-legged buggers running around. 1462 01:44:33,540 --> 01:44:35,330 It's not the quadrupeds that are dangerous. 1463 01:44:35,460 --> 01:44:38,830 It's that gargantuan biped. 1464 01:44:38,960 --> 01:44:40,500 BOND: What the hell is a biped? 1465 01:44:40,630 --> 01:44:42,500 CHANDLER: You're a biped, dummy. 1466 01:44:42,630 --> 01:44:44,420 Now, look, Chandler, I don't mind you calling me a dummy, 1467 01:44:44,550 --> 01:44:47,010 but don't be calling me any dirty Italian names. 1468 01:44:47,130 --> 01:44:48,890 A biped is a creature with two legs! 1469 01:44:49,010 --> 01:44:51,430 You mean the gorilla I saw? He's the dangerous one? 1470 01:44:51,560 --> 01:44:53,310 Uh-huh. Yeah. Phineas Harlan pulled 1471 01:44:53,430 --> 01:44:55,350 all the teeth out of the lion's mouth 1472 01:44:55,480 --> 01:44:57,480 and he pulled the claws out. 1473 01:44:57,600 --> 01:45:00,150 The circus is a fake, a waste of money! 1474 01:45:00,270 --> 01:45:02,150 You mean that lion's harmless? 1475 01:45:02,270 --> 01:45:04,320 As harmless as a toothless old lady. 1476 01:45:04,440 --> 01:45:07,570 Well, I don't know if I agree with that saying, young man. 1477 01:45:07,700 --> 01:45:09,610 Mrs. Connor has no teeth, 1478 01:45:09,740 --> 01:45:11,200 yet she blasted her husband 1479 01:45:11,330 --> 01:45:13,660 with six rounds of buckshot last spring. 1480 01:45:13,790 --> 01:45:17,040 Why don't you go take a walk and find something to pickle? 1481 01:45:17,160 --> 01:45:20,210 I almost had me a real nice pickle 1482 01:45:20,330 --> 01:45:21,920 if only you hadn't jumped away. 1483 01:45:22,040 --> 01:45:24,090 Let's cut the bickering, huh? 1484 01:45:24,210 --> 01:45:27,920 Now we have a very dangerous situation here. 1485 01:45:28,050 --> 01:45:29,590 Only, if I understand you right, mister. . . 1486 01:45:29,720 --> 01:45:30,550 Call me Bing. 1487 01:45:30,680 --> 01:45:32,510 All right, Bing. 1488 01:45:32,640 --> 01:45:34,100 But if I understand you right, 1489 01:45:34,220 --> 01:45:36,520 then the situation really is not that grave. 1490 01:45:36,640 --> 01:45:38,680 ROO: Do you have to use that word -- ''grave''? 1491 01:45:38,810 --> 01:45:40,270 Oh, my God. 1492 01:45:40,400 --> 01:45:41,850 All I've been hearing in this house is talk of death. 1493 01:45:41,980 --> 01:45:43,980 What about that elephant out there? 1494 01:45:44,110 --> 01:45:46,440 Minnie's so old, she's practically blind. 1495 01:45:46,570 --> 01:45:49,110 Minnie's got to use her trunk like a silver cane. 1496 01:45:49,240 --> 01:45:52,320 CHANDLER: So, then, it's just the gorilla that's dangerous? 1497 01:45:52,450 --> 01:45:55,030 Don't minimize the danger, Mack. 1498 01:45:55,160 --> 01:45:58,200 Medusa didn't get that name for nothing. 1499 01:45:58,330 --> 01:46:01,080 One look at those blazing red eyes 1500 01:46:01,210 --> 01:46:06,420 surrounded by that black matted hair 1501 01:46:06,550 --> 01:46:11,090 can freeze a man to a block of stone on the spot. 1502 01:46:11,220 --> 01:46:12,930 She made me hard one night. 1503 01:46:13,050 --> 01:46:15,050 ROO: Well, what's she after? 1504 01:46:15,180 --> 01:46:17,600 -Bananas. -Come again? 1505 01:46:17,720 --> 01:46:18,850 She's crazy about bananas. 1506 01:46:18,980 --> 01:46:20,690 Well, aren't we all? 1507 01:46:20,810 --> 01:46:23,310 Is that all she wants, bananas? 1508 01:46:23,440 --> 01:46:24,730 No. No. 1509 01:46:24,860 --> 01:46:26,150 She's. . . 1510 01:46:26,280 --> 01:46:28,610 She wants. . . 1511 01:46:28,740 --> 01:46:31,610 She needs sex. 1512 01:46:31,740 --> 01:46:33,320 You'd think that Phineas whatever his name is 1513 01:46:33,450 --> 01:46:34,870 would get her a mate. 1514 01:46:34,990 --> 01:46:37,700 She doesn't like other gorillas. They're too hairy. 1515 01:46:37,830 --> 01:46:43,080 Medusa likes the naked, virile flesh of young men. 1516 01:46:43,210 --> 01:46:45,880 And how, pray tell, did she get a taste for that? 1517 01:46:46,000 --> 01:46:47,000 That's unimportant now! 1518 01:46:47,130 --> 01:46:47,920 TOYDY: Wait a second. 1519 01:46:48,050 --> 01:46:50,050 Wait just one minute. 1520 01:46:50,170 --> 01:46:52,300 You said she got you hard one night. 1521 01:46:52,430 --> 01:46:53,470 What the hell did you mean by that? 1522 01:46:53,590 --> 01:46:55,930 Look, I don't like being grilled by the cops or anyone else! 1523 01:46:56,050 --> 01:46:59,930 Speaking of grilled, I'd better check on those pork chops. 1524 01:47:00,060 --> 01:47:01,930 Excuse me, please. 1525 01:47:02,060 --> 01:47:04,190 Look, mister. 1526 01:47:04,310 --> 01:47:06,560 We're no angels, and we have weird tastes, too. 1527 01:47:06,690 --> 01:47:08,570 BING: What's so weird about pork chops? 1528 01:47:08,690 --> 01:47:09,730 I wasn't talking about pork chops! 1529 01:47:09,860 --> 01:47:11,280 I was talking about you 1530 01:47:11,400 --> 01:47:14,490 and that big, black, red-eyed female out there! 1531 01:47:14,620 --> 01:47:17,240 Toydy, that female is a gorilla. 1532 01:47:17,370 --> 01:47:18,660 Shut up, Sash, and let him finish. 1533 01:47:18,790 --> 01:47:19,490 He's got something there. 1534 01:47:19,620 --> 01:47:20,910 SASH: Well, you ought to know, 1535 01:47:21,040 --> 01:47:23,710 being that you had it in your hand a couple hours ago. 1536 01:47:23,830 --> 01:47:26,250 ROO: Now, just a minute, Miss Wine Cellar Virgin. 1537 01:47:26,380 --> 01:47:29,590 Don't you go talking back to me, or I'm gonna spill the beans. 1538 01:47:29,710 --> 01:47:31,760 GERT: We're not having beans tonight! 1539 01:47:31,880 --> 01:47:33,590 We're having corn on the cob. 1540 01:47:33,720 --> 01:47:36,090 You know where you can shove that corn on the cob, 1541 01:47:36,220 --> 01:47:37,180 Mrs. Hammond! 1542 01:47:37,300 --> 01:47:38,800 Shut up, everybody, and let me finish! 1543 01:47:38,930 --> 01:47:42,020 I have a score to settle with this little cellar tramp! 1544 01:47:42,140 --> 01:47:44,440 You're talking about the woman I love. 1545 01:47:44,560 --> 01:47:47,020 You, Chandler, and that woman? 1546 01:47:47,150 --> 01:47:48,270 Surprised, muscles? 1547 01:47:48,400 --> 01:47:50,440 You didn't think I had it in me, huh? 1548 01:47:50,570 --> 01:47:52,190 [ Chuckles ] 1549 01:47:52,320 --> 01:47:53,650 I sort of knew you didn't have it in you for a long time. 1550 01:47:53,780 --> 01:47:55,660 Maybe that's why you were messing with her. 1551 01:47:55,780 --> 01:47:58,120 Because you didn't put it in me back there in the car? 1552 01:47:58,240 --> 01:48:01,200 Well, I was sort of edgy. 1553 01:48:01,330 --> 01:48:04,290 But I'm not edgy anymore. 1554 01:48:04,410 --> 01:48:06,170 Thanks to Sash. 1555 01:48:06,290 --> 01:48:07,790 ROO: No, of course not. 1556 01:48:07,920 --> 01:48:10,630 She manages to take the sharp edge off everything, 1557 01:48:10,750 --> 01:48:11,920 don't you, Sash? 1558 01:48:12,050 --> 01:48:14,590 You can't threaten me anymore, Roo. 1559 01:48:14,720 --> 01:48:16,470 I don't care what you say. 1560 01:48:16,590 --> 01:48:20,220 For the first time in my life, I'm in love with a man. 1561 01:48:20,350 --> 01:48:21,760 You sure about his credentials? 1562 01:48:21,890 --> 01:48:23,470 I'm in love with a man. 1563 01:48:23,600 --> 01:48:26,810 Well, it sure beats a cactus, don't it, Sash? 1564 01:48:26,940 --> 01:48:29,690 TOYDY: What are you two talking about? 1565 01:48:29,820 --> 01:48:31,820 You wanted to know why she had a red butt 1566 01:48:31,940 --> 01:48:34,070 when we lived in Tucson, didn't you, Toydy? 1567 01:48:34,190 --> 01:48:37,200 Go ahead, Roo. I'm not afraid. 1568 01:48:37,320 --> 01:48:39,370 TOYDY: Yeah, go ahead. 1569 01:48:39,490 --> 01:48:42,990 I'd like to know how she got a red butt. 1570 01:48:44,410 --> 01:48:46,540 It's because. . . 1571 01:48:46,670 --> 01:48:50,750 It's because it was lonely there in Tucson, 1572 01:48:50,880 --> 01:48:54,760 and she was as horny as a desert lizard. 1573 01:48:54,880 --> 01:48:59,720 And there was nothing for miles around but cactus, 1574 01:48:59,850 --> 01:49:03,470 a forest of juicy, stumpy cactus 1575 01:49:03,600 --> 01:49:08,770 that rose 9 inches high into the desert air. 1576 01:49:08,900 --> 01:49:11,110 Why, it was so boring, 1577 01:49:11,230 --> 01:49:15,780 that Sash over here would pull up those cactus with ice tongs 1578 01:49:15,900 --> 01:49:19,570 and sit for hours plucking out the needles 1579 01:49:19,700 --> 01:49:22,030 with her silver tweezers. 1580 01:49:22,160 --> 01:49:26,290 Only, you couldn't get them all out, could you, Sash? 1581 01:49:26,410 --> 01:49:28,460 Yes, I could. 1582 01:49:28,580 --> 01:49:30,120 I got them all out. 1583 01:49:30,250 --> 01:49:32,880 The doctor said that the rash in my buttocks 1584 01:49:33,000 --> 01:49:36,840 was caused by a type of chlorophyll poisoning. 1585 01:49:36,970 --> 01:49:40,550 And she got that rash by gyrating for hours 1586 01:49:40,680 --> 01:49:43,850 on the stumpy shaft of a Tucson cactus. 1587 01:49:43,970 --> 01:49:45,310 [ Laughs ] 1588 01:49:45,430 --> 01:49:48,640 How come there was no red rash further down, 1589 01:49:48,770 --> 01:49:50,560 like on the private parts? 1590 01:49:50,690 --> 01:49:55,400 Because her private parts were reserved 1591 01:49:55,530 --> 01:49:58,940 for that stuffed Gila monster her father kept on the mantel. 1592 01:49:59,070 --> 01:50:00,240 [ Laughs ] 1593 01:50:00,360 --> 01:50:03,660 Are you disappointed in me, Chandler? 1594 01:50:03,780 --> 01:50:05,410 [ Romantic music plays ] 1595 01:50:05,540 --> 01:50:09,250 How could I be disappointed in the woman I love? 1596 01:50:09,370 --> 01:50:10,750 Well, all right. 1597 01:50:10,870 --> 01:50:14,380 Now that you've got that off your chest 1598 01:50:14,500 --> 01:50:17,800 and out of your buttocks, what next? 1599 01:50:17,920 --> 01:50:20,550 What the heck is going on here? 1600 01:50:20,680 --> 01:50:22,720 Is this some sort of communal therapy group? 1601 01:50:22,840 --> 01:50:24,180 Is that what this is?! 1602 01:50:24,300 --> 01:50:26,970 Well, I'd have to be speaking only for myself 1603 01:50:27,100 --> 01:50:28,430 if I said that it was. 1604 01:50:28,560 --> 01:50:30,100 Well, whose turn is it now? 1605 01:50:30,230 --> 01:50:32,440 Who's gonna pull their skeleton out of their closet 1606 01:50:32,560 --> 01:50:34,400 and pull them out of the moth balls? 1607 01:50:34,520 --> 01:50:36,440 I was kind of hoping it would be Gert, 1608 01:50:36,570 --> 01:50:39,240 seeing as how she hasn't unlocked that door over there. 1609 01:50:39,360 --> 01:50:44,070 SASH: Gert's already bared her soul. 1610 01:50:44,200 --> 01:50:47,540 And don't go mentioning moth balls or skeletons 1611 01:50:47,660 --> 01:50:50,620 or any other type of bug when she comes in. 1612 01:50:50,750 --> 01:50:52,160 Well, I bared myself. 1613 01:50:52,290 --> 01:50:53,580 TOYDY: Oh, you did? When? 1614 01:50:53,710 --> 01:50:55,920 Back there under the staircase. 1615 01:50:56,040 --> 01:50:57,550 Bond and I indulged in a little soul searching. 1616 01:50:57,670 --> 01:50:59,340 Didn't we, honey? 1617 01:50:59,460 --> 01:51:01,800 It didn't take you long to find what you were looking for. 1618 01:51:01,930 --> 01:51:04,800 That's because your zipper didn't get stuck. 1619 01:51:04,930 --> 01:51:06,890 BOND: Let's skip the details, shall we? 1620 01:51:07,010 --> 01:51:08,100 Sure. 1621 01:51:08,220 --> 01:51:11,230 There's no sense in getting them to licking their chops 1622 01:51:11,350 --> 01:51:13,390 before the real chops are out of the oven. 1623 01:51:13,520 --> 01:51:14,730 Where's Willene? 1624 01:51:14,860 --> 01:51:16,690 I don't know, but last time I seen her, 1625 01:51:16,820 --> 01:51:18,070 she was sitting on the floor 1626 01:51:18,190 --> 01:51:19,980 swooning over the voice of her master. 1627 01:51:20,110 --> 01:51:22,490 Check that crazy bedroom down the hall. 1628 01:51:22,610 --> 01:51:24,990 While the cat's away, the mice do play, 1629 01:51:25,120 --> 01:51:28,740 even if the cat howls over the radio once in a while. 1630 01:51:28,870 --> 01:51:30,910 Well, I guess it's your turn, Bing. 1631 01:51:31,040 --> 01:51:35,420 My turn to what? 1632 01:51:35,540 --> 01:51:37,710 Bare your soul. 1633 01:51:37,840 --> 01:51:39,550 Oh, phooey. 1634 01:51:39,670 --> 01:51:42,840 Couldn't he bare something a little more external? 1635 01:51:42,970 --> 01:51:44,180 I'll drink to that. 1636 01:51:44,300 --> 01:51:47,050 -Well, get yourself a glass. -Get me one, too. 1637 01:51:47,180 --> 01:51:48,390 Get your own. 1638 01:51:48,510 --> 01:51:50,390 This house is full of liquor glasses. 1639 01:51:50,520 --> 01:51:52,680 What did she call this place? 1640 01:51:52,810 --> 01:51:56,100 I heard her say something like Prairie Blossom. 1641 01:51:56,230 --> 01:51:59,190 Lush Gardens would be more fitting. 1642 01:52:14,580 --> 01:52:16,250 Here you are, my friend. 1643 01:52:16,370 --> 01:52:18,040 You're gonna need this. 1644 01:52:18,170 --> 01:52:22,630 To what, bare my soul? 1645 01:52:22,760 --> 01:52:25,800 Just consider it a form of psychological enema. 1646 01:52:25,930 --> 01:52:27,550 TOYDY: Shh! Don't say that word! 1647 01:52:27,680 --> 01:52:29,550 Old Gert will come running in with a rubber garden hose! 1648 01:52:29,680 --> 01:52:31,100 ROO: How thrilling! 1649 01:52:31,220 --> 01:52:33,180 TOYDY: Well, if you like things like that, honey, 1650 01:52:33,310 --> 01:52:34,770 maybe I can get Minnie the elephant 1651 01:52:34,890 --> 01:52:37,810 to grope around in your peanut bag. 1652 01:52:37,940 --> 01:52:40,810 My bags been getting some nuts, honey, 1653 01:52:40,940 --> 01:52:42,650 but they ain't been peanut sized. 1654 01:52:42,780 --> 01:52:44,570 Where were they? They from the kid? 1655 01:52:44,690 --> 01:52:45,780 Jealous? 1656 01:52:45,900 --> 01:52:48,200 Mnh-mnh. Just hungry. 1657 01:52:48,320 --> 01:52:52,530 Well, we'll be having pork chops soon and corn on the cob. 1658 01:52:52,660 --> 01:52:58,460 But first, let's sink our teeth into your background, Bing. 1659 01:52:58,580 --> 01:53:00,170 Come on. 1660 01:53:00,290 --> 01:53:03,710 Why don't you tell us about Minnie, and Medusa, and. . . 1661 01:53:03,840 --> 01:53:05,670 -Samson. -Yeah. 1662 01:53:05,800 --> 01:53:08,930 The lion's named Samson. 1663 01:53:09,050 --> 01:53:11,010 He had the strength of 10 men 1664 01:53:11,140 --> 01:53:13,140 until, like the biblical hero, 1665 01:53:13,270 --> 01:53:16,430 they clipped his toenails and his teeth. 1666 01:53:16,560 --> 01:53:19,310 You said they took out his teeth? 1667 01:53:19,440 --> 01:53:22,060 That's a terrible thing to do. 1668 01:53:22,190 --> 01:53:26,070 Sometimes men wish mine were gone, but that's another story. 1669 01:53:26,190 --> 01:53:28,030 A dirty one. [ Chuckles ] 1670 01:53:28,150 --> 01:53:31,870 Minnie is clean. And so is Samson. 1671 01:53:31,990 --> 01:53:35,450 CHANDLER: What about Medusa? 1672 01:53:35,580 --> 01:53:38,250 I. . . 1673 01:53:38,370 --> 01:53:41,380 [ Groans ] 1674 01:53:43,800 --> 01:53:49,050 [ Voice breaking ] I -- I made Medusa dirty. 1675 01:53:49,180 --> 01:53:51,300 [ Sobbing ] 1676 01:53:53,720 --> 01:53:56,890 Did you tell your husband about all this hocus-pocus? 1677 01:53:57,020 --> 01:53:58,770 My husband is a religious man, 1678 01:53:58,890 --> 01:54:02,190 and he's doing all he can to rid my body of this curse. 1679 01:54:02,310 --> 01:54:03,610 How? 1680 01:54:03,730 --> 01:54:05,190 By not copulating with me 1681 01:54:05,320 --> 01:54:07,940 until Sister Geneva flushes out the vileness 1682 01:54:08,070 --> 01:54:10,650 with her elephant syringe. 1683 01:54:10,780 --> 01:54:13,120 Holy cow! 1684 01:54:13,240 --> 01:54:17,160 You mean you let some nun stick an elephant syringe 1685 01:54:17,290 --> 01:54:18,580 in your organ 1686 01:54:18,710 --> 01:54:22,750 while your husband beats his meat and waits? 1687 01:54:22,880 --> 01:54:26,380 My husband does not beat his meat. 1688 01:54:26,500 --> 01:54:28,510 He fluctuates his firmness. 1689 01:54:28,630 --> 01:54:29,920 [ Chuckles ] 1690 01:54:30,050 --> 01:54:31,720 Sister Geneva told us before we were married 1691 01:54:31,840 --> 01:54:37,970 that we'd have to wait until she could perform this ritual. 1692 01:54:38,100 --> 01:54:39,180 [ Chuckles ] 1693 01:54:39,310 --> 01:54:41,060 Oh, she did, did she? 1694 01:54:41,190 --> 01:54:44,310 Well, we could use that old dyke and her syringe 1695 01:54:44,440 --> 01:54:48,150 just in case Minnie gets constipated tonight. 1696 01:54:48,280 --> 01:54:49,940 Who's Minnie? 1697 01:54:50,070 --> 01:54:52,650 Didn't you hear that elephant trumpeting out in the storm? 1698 01:54:52,780 --> 01:54:55,700 There's wild animals out there, Willene. 1699 01:54:55,830 --> 01:54:58,410 Aren't there enough of them here in this house? 1700 01:54:58,540 --> 01:55:01,580 Is that what you consider me, an animal? 1701 01:55:01,710 --> 01:55:05,130 I consider you all debased by yearnings of the flesh. 1702 01:55:05,250 --> 01:55:07,880 Do you see that vile object over there? 1703 01:55:08,000 --> 01:55:10,590 You mean that dildo with a fork in it? 1704 01:55:10,720 --> 01:55:12,220 [ Chuckles ] 1705 01:55:12,340 --> 01:55:15,800 I picked up that object 'cause it was lying in the hall 1706 01:55:15,930 --> 01:55:17,930 as a stimulus to deviltry. 1707 01:55:18,060 --> 01:55:20,220 Am I a devil? 1708 01:55:20,350 --> 01:55:23,100 WILLENE: You're an animal. 1709 01:55:25,230 --> 01:55:29,270 And you're still a virgin after how long? 1710 01:55:29,400 --> 01:55:30,650 Three years. 1711 01:55:30,780 --> 01:55:32,860 Sister Geneva's trying to hurry it up, 1712 01:55:32,990 --> 01:55:34,700 but it takes a long time. 1713 01:55:34,820 --> 01:55:36,120 Three years. 1714 01:55:36,240 --> 01:55:38,990 Bride to an elephant syringe. 1715 01:55:39,120 --> 01:55:43,460 Sister Geneva was a bride of Jesus. 1716 01:55:43,580 --> 01:55:44,580 [ Chuckles ] 1717 01:55:44,710 --> 01:55:46,710 Jesus didn't have no bride, 1718 01:55:46,840 --> 01:55:50,300 just widows in black with a green elephant syringe. 1719 01:55:50,420 --> 01:55:52,300 It was pink. 1720 01:55:52,420 --> 01:55:53,800 Oh. 1721 01:55:53,930 --> 01:55:56,930 Well, you're right about one thing. 1722 01:55:57,050 --> 01:55:58,890 What? 1723 01:56:06,900 --> 01:56:08,730 What was I right about? 1724 01:56:08,860 --> 01:56:10,730 I am an animal. 1725 01:56:10,860 --> 01:56:11,820 [ Moaning ] 1726 01:56:28,330 --> 01:56:30,090 What kind? 1727 01:56:30,210 --> 01:56:32,050 BOND: A rhinoceros! 1728 01:56:32,170 --> 01:56:34,510 Can't you tell by my horn? 1729 01:56:34,630 --> 01:56:36,970 WILLENE: What are you gonna do with it? 1730 01:56:37,090 --> 01:56:43,100 I'm gonna prove to you that your womanhood will not be fruitless. 1731 01:56:43,220 --> 01:56:49,610 That the tree of your body will not be barren next spring. 1732 01:56:49,730 --> 01:56:54,900 Oh, Sister Mercy, forgive me, for I know not what I do. 1733 01:56:55,030 --> 01:56:56,490 [ Bells ringing ] 1734 01:56:56,610 --> 01:57:00,070 The tree of your body may be losing a cherry, 1735 01:57:00,200 --> 01:57:04,240 but it's gaining two plums and a banana! 1736 01:57:04,370 --> 01:57:07,580 And so needing a job and having a great fondness for animals 1737 01:57:07,710 --> 01:57:10,960 led me into accepting a position in Phineas Harlan's circus. 1738 01:57:11,090 --> 01:57:12,340 Did you enjoy the circus? 1739 01:57:12,460 --> 01:57:14,380 I enjoyed working with the animals. 1740 01:57:14,510 --> 01:57:15,840 It was the people I hated. 1741 01:57:15,970 --> 01:57:17,050 You mean your co-workers? 1742 01:57:17,180 --> 01:57:18,550 Them and the audience. 1743 01:57:18,680 --> 01:57:20,470 You see, the animals' fatness 1744 01:57:20,600 --> 01:57:23,720 was a result of confinement rather than gluttony. 1745 01:57:23,850 --> 01:57:24,970 Yeah, sure. 1746 01:57:25,100 --> 01:57:27,640 But what about you and that gorilla? 1747 01:57:27,770 --> 01:57:29,440 I was coming to that. 1748 01:57:29,560 --> 01:57:32,270 You see, my co-workers were very fond of practical jokes. 1749 01:57:32,400 --> 01:57:35,360 So, one night, on my 31st birthday, 1750 01:57:35,490 --> 01:57:37,650 they got me drunk during the celebration. 1751 01:57:37,780 --> 01:57:39,820 Stinking drunk. 1752 01:57:39,950 --> 01:57:41,070 That's a shame! 1753 01:57:41,200 --> 01:57:42,450 TOYDY: A shame you weren't there. 1754 01:57:42,580 --> 01:57:43,870 You like animals so much 1755 01:57:43,990 --> 01:57:45,790 you'd really get off on that booze hound. 1756 01:57:45,910 --> 01:57:47,580 BING: Do you want me to continue 1757 01:57:47,710 --> 01:57:50,290 or do you just feel like making wisecracks all night? 1758 01:57:50,420 --> 01:57:51,710 TOYDY: I'm sorry. Go on. 1759 01:57:51,830 --> 01:57:55,960 Like I was saying, I was real drunk. 1760 01:57:56,090 --> 01:57:59,170 And since we had been on the road for two weeks, 1761 01:57:59,300 --> 01:58:00,800 I was horny as hell. 1762 01:58:00,930 --> 01:58:05,180 My friends said that they had lined up a hooker for me 1763 01:58:05,310 --> 01:58:09,100 and that she was behind the calliope in a tent. 1764 01:58:09,230 --> 01:58:10,520 [ Clears throat ] 1765 01:58:10,650 --> 01:58:12,230 I staggered across the muddy fairgrounds, 1766 01:58:12,360 --> 01:58:14,900 tossing my clothes off as I approached the two tents. 1767 01:58:15,020 --> 01:58:16,690 I was seeing double by that time. 1768 01:58:16,820 --> 01:58:18,900 One of my friends got on the calliope, 1769 01:58:19,030 --> 01:58:20,450 and there was all this music 1770 01:58:20,570 --> 01:58:22,030 as I tore open the tent flap 1771 01:58:22,160 --> 01:58:24,700 and jumped upon the thing in the sleeping bag. 1772 01:58:24,830 --> 01:58:28,080 I knew she was black and that her skin was kind of puffy 1773 01:58:28,200 --> 01:58:29,540 and she smelled funny, 1774 01:58:29,660 --> 01:58:32,120 but I didn't care after two weeks on the road. 1775 01:58:32,250 --> 01:58:35,130 Two weeks of driving past billboards 1776 01:58:35,250 --> 01:58:38,800 with their bikini-clad models holding up suntan lotions. 1777 01:58:38,920 --> 01:58:43,800 There was something jangling on her wrist and feet, 1778 01:58:43,930 --> 01:58:46,220 but I could hardly hear 1779 01:58:46,350 --> 01:58:50,180 because of the loud calliope music. 1780 01:58:52,940 --> 01:58:57,440 Anyhow, I thought they were bracelets like you're wearing. 1781 01:58:57,570 --> 01:58:58,940 They weren't? 1782 01:58:59,070 --> 01:59:02,030 The morning light revealed their true nature. 1783 01:59:02,160 --> 01:59:06,580 They were chains that held down the gorilla. 1784 01:59:06,700 --> 01:59:09,950 Someone had shaven her from head to foot. 1785 01:59:10,080 --> 01:59:11,620 GERT: Dear Lord! 1786 01:59:11,750 --> 01:59:15,920 BING: We lay there in the dim light, 1787 01:59:16,040 --> 01:59:20,380 her black stubby fingers around my pecker. 1788 01:59:20,510 --> 01:59:23,220 [ Whimsical music plays ] 1789 01:59:57,790 --> 02:00:02,090 Then she turned that massive pointed head toward me 1790 02:00:02,220 --> 02:00:07,970 and bared those giant, yellow teeth in a smile of affection. 1791 02:00:08,100 --> 02:00:10,100 I screamed! 1792 02:00:10,220 --> 02:00:15,560 I screamed so loud that every creature in the circus went wild 1793 02:00:15,690 --> 02:00:18,060 in their cages. 1794 02:00:18,190 --> 02:00:24,950 Maintenance men found me lying by the calliope 1795 02:00:25,070 --> 02:00:29,570 trying to sing ''I Love You Truly.'' 1796 02:00:29,700 --> 02:00:34,660 Medusa was lying there in the sleeping bag 1797 02:00:34,790 --> 02:00:37,330 massaging her breasts. 1798 02:00:37,460 --> 02:00:44,050 They said it took four men from the loony bin 1799 02:00:44,170 --> 02:00:46,760 to carry me away. 1800 02:00:46,880 --> 02:00:48,970 [ Crying ] 1801 02:00:49,100 --> 02:00:51,140 You were put under observation? 1802 02:00:51,260 --> 02:00:53,930 For a whole week. 1803 02:00:54,060 --> 02:00:57,770 Then I was set free, and I went back to work. 1804 02:00:57,900 --> 02:01:04,780 Only, this time, Medusa was observing me every second. 1805 02:01:04,900 --> 02:01:08,700 And she'd make little lewd gestures with her toes. 1806 02:01:08,820 --> 02:01:10,450 Made my flesh crawl. 1807 02:01:10,580 --> 02:01:15,040 So, why is she so dangerous if she loves you that much? 1808 02:01:15,160 --> 02:01:19,370 Her love was forcibly repressed by the bars of her cage. 1809 02:01:19,500 --> 02:01:24,050 When she realized she wasn't getting anywhere with me, 1810 02:01:24,170 --> 02:01:28,720 she tried making love to Señor Tostada, her trainer. 1811 02:01:30,300 --> 02:01:33,220 [ Ominous music plays ] 1812 02:01:44,860 --> 02:01:48,200 He beat her with his whip, and she became enraged. 1813 02:01:48,320 --> 02:01:51,320 Señor Tostada was literally torn limb from limb. 1814 02:01:51,450 --> 02:01:55,040 His arms and legs had been tossed 15 feet into the air 1815 02:01:55,160 --> 02:01:57,910 and landed into the concession stand, 1816 02:01:58,040 --> 02:02:01,670 falling into a bin of popcorn. 1817 02:02:01,790 --> 02:02:04,920 And they found his head tossed not far away, 1818 02:02:05,050 --> 02:02:08,920 embedded in the cotton-candy machine. 1819 02:02:09,050 --> 02:02:12,640 Aren't animals as dangerous as that destroyed? 1820 02:02:13,850 --> 02:02:17,270 Phineas Harlan couldn't destroy Medusa. 1821 02:02:17,390 --> 02:02:18,850 His wife loved that ape. 1822 02:02:18,980 --> 02:02:22,230 When he had brought the baby Medusa from the jungle, 1823 02:02:22,360 --> 02:02:23,980 it was sick and near death. 1824 02:02:24,110 --> 02:02:28,240 Mrs. Harlan nursed it with the milk from her own breasts. 1825 02:02:28,360 --> 02:02:30,240 On that hideous morning 1826 02:02:30,360 --> 02:02:34,410 when it was found shaven and chained in the tent, 1827 02:02:34,530 --> 02:02:39,200 it was Mrs. Harlan who donated her mink coat to Medusa 1828 02:02:39,330 --> 02:02:42,000 so she wouldn't catch pneumonia. 1829 02:02:42,120 --> 02:02:43,880 [ Thunder crashes ] 1830 02:02:44,000 --> 02:02:48,210 A mother's love is the strongest thing in the world. 1831 02:02:48,340 --> 02:02:50,130 Like those chains that held down the gorilla. 1832 02:02:50,260 --> 02:02:51,510 So, what happened? 1833 02:02:51,630 --> 02:02:52,970 The gorilla was kept on in the circus? 1834 02:02:53,090 --> 02:02:56,180 Having tasted the flesh and then the blood of men, 1835 02:02:56,310 --> 02:02:58,770 Medusa became a murderous psychopath 1836 02:02:58,890 --> 02:03:00,390 obeying only Mrs. Harlan. 1837 02:03:00,520 --> 02:03:03,730 She later put on Señor Tostada's boots and whip 1838 02:03:03,860 --> 02:03:05,270 and a leopard bikini. 1839 02:03:05,400 --> 02:03:07,610 And then Mrs. Harlan took control of it. 1840 02:03:07,730 --> 02:03:10,070 Well, then, we women here tonight are safe 1841 02:03:10,190 --> 02:03:13,150 if that gorilla only goes ape over men. 1842 02:03:13,280 --> 02:03:14,610 No, you're not. 1843 02:03:14,740 --> 02:03:15,950 You see, the relationship soured rather quickly 1844 02:03:16,080 --> 02:03:17,580 when Mrs. Harlan got into the ring. 1845 02:03:17,700 --> 02:03:19,330 Why was that? 1846 02:03:19,450 --> 02:03:20,290 The bikini. 1847 02:03:24,750 --> 02:03:28,800 Mrs. Harlan was going on 59 years of age. 1848 02:03:28,920 --> 02:03:33,680 Her flesh was bloated and sagging considerably. 1849 02:03:34,340 --> 02:03:36,720 [ Indistinct shouting ] 1850 02:03:45,440 --> 02:03:47,400 When she ran out into the arena, 1851 02:03:47,520 --> 02:03:50,230 the audience screamed their disapproval at her. 1852 02:03:50,360 --> 02:03:52,610 She was always visibly shaken by the reception, 1853 02:03:52,740 --> 02:03:55,700 and she began to take out her feelings on Medusa. 1854 02:03:55,820 --> 02:03:58,070 -By the whip? -BING: Yes. 1855 02:03:58,200 --> 02:03:59,990 She was like a female Captain Bligh. 1856 02:04:00,120 --> 02:04:04,580 MAN: And in tent number 3, 1857 02:04:04,710 --> 02:04:09,420 Mrs. Courtney Harlan and Medusa! 1858 02:04:09,550 --> 02:04:12,300 [ Crowd booing ] 1859 02:04:45,250 --> 02:04:48,540 BING: Then, one night, under the big top in Dayton, Ohio, 1860 02:04:48,670 --> 02:04:50,630 Medusa grabbed hold of the whip 1861 02:04:50,750 --> 02:04:52,920 and pulled Mrs. Harlan within reach. 1862 02:04:53,050 --> 02:04:54,920 She stripped off the old lady's bikini 1863 02:04:55,050 --> 02:04:56,510 in front of the horrified crowd. 1864 02:04:56,630 --> 02:04:58,260 I don't know what they were more horrified at -- 1865 02:04:58,390 --> 02:05:02,680 the enraged gorilla or Mrs. Harlan's completely naked body. 1866 02:05:06,850 --> 02:05:08,310 In any case, 1867 02:05:08,440 --> 02:05:10,270 the gorilla tied one end of the whip around her neck, 1868 02:05:10,400 --> 02:05:12,400 and then grabbing on to the other end, 1869 02:05:12,530 --> 02:05:16,610 Medusa whirled her around up high in the air. 1870 02:05:26,250 --> 02:05:29,460 Then the gorilla let go of that whip 1871 02:05:29,580 --> 02:05:34,340 and that blasted, bloated body went sailing over the cage 1872 02:05:34,460 --> 02:05:38,090 and hit the tent and bounced back 1873 02:05:38,220 --> 02:05:40,430 and dropped into the arena 1874 02:05:40,550 --> 02:05:42,930 where the dancing hippos were in ring number 2. 1875 02:05:43,060 --> 02:05:45,020 Were the hippos dancing at the time? 1876 02:05:45,140 --> 02:05:48,140 Yes. The Mexican Hat Dance. 1877 02:05:48,270 --> 02:05:52,650 Young man, I took a heck of a long time preparing this meal. 1878 02:05:52,770 --> 02:05:54,480 Now, don't go ruining it for us. 1879 02:05:54,610 --> 02:05:56,030 I'm just about finished. 1880 02:05:56,150 --> 02:05:57,820 There's not much more to say. 1881 02:05:57,950 --> 02:06:00,160 And yet, after all these tragedies, 1882 02:06:00,280 --> 02:06:02,950 the gorilla was still allowed to perform? 1883 02:06:03,080 --> 02:06:05,040 Killing old lady Harlan was the best thing 1884 02:06:05,160 --> 02:06:07,370 that Medusa could have done for Phineas Harlan. 1885 02:06:07,500 --> 02:06:11,710 He was now rolling in insurance money. 1886 02:06:11,830 --> 02:06:13,540 Her act was kept on -- 1887 02:06:13,670 --> 02:06:16,050 The one with Medusa was kept on, 1888 02:06:16,170 --> 02:06:19,050 but it was downgraded considerably. 1889 02:06:19,180 --> 02:06:23,850 Her feet were chained to a garishly painted platform. 1890 02:06:23,970 --> 02:06:28,680 A semi-naked woman was hired to throw hula hoops on her. 1891 02:06:28,810 --> 02:06:31,520 Medusa was taught to mimic the woman's hip movement 1892 02:06:31,650 --> 02:06:35,320 so that the hula hoops would twirl. 1893 02:07:40,380 --> 02:07:42,760 From the way that gorilla looked at me, 1894 02:07:42,880 --> 02:07:46,470 I knew exactly what she was thinking while she was gyrating. 1895 02:07:46,600 --> 02:07:48,720 And so you say bananas are the only thing 1896 02:07:48,850 --> 02:07:51,100 that diverts her mind from rape and murder? 1897 02:07:51,230 --> 02:07:52,230 Yes, it's uncanny. 1898 02:07:52,350 --> 02:07:54,020 And so are these vegetables. 1899 02:07:54,150 --> 02:07:58,440 These are fresh vegetables from my garden, not from a can. 1900 02:07:58,570 --> 02:07:59,480 So, come on. 1901 02:07:59,610 --> 02:08:01,530 Eat up and stop your talking. 1902 02:08:01,650 --> 02:08:03,650 Why are you looking at that door, Toydy? 1903 02:08:08,530 --> 02:08:11,240 It's locked, and I'm curious. 1904 02:08:11,370 --> 02:08:14,660 Curiosity killed the cat. 1905 02:08:14,790 --> 02:08:17,040 A cat's a pussy, and I'm no pussy! 1906 02:08:17,170 --> 02:08:18,500 ROO: No. 1907 02:08:18,630 --> 02:08:20,670 But when the time comes for you to be one, 1908 02:08:20,800 --> 02:08:22,920 I'm sure you'll make do with what you have. 1909 02:08:23,050 --> 02:08:24,920 Where's Bond? His food's getting cold. 1910 02:08:25,050 --> 02:08:26,130 So is Willene's. 1911 02:08:26,260 --> 02:08:27,760 Don't worry about Bond. 1912 02:08:27,890 --> 02:08:30,260 I bet his friction is making his meat real hot. 1913 02:08:30,390 --> 02:08:31,430 I suppose you're right. 1914 02:08:31,560 --> 02:08:35,390 And as for Willene, there's nothing like a good pounding 1915 02:08:35,520 --> 02:08:37,480 to get your chops tenderized. 1916 02:08:37,610 --> 02:08:41,860 You'll never find more tender chops than these. 1917 02:08:41,980 --> 02:08:44,860 No, but there's no harm in looking. 1918 02:08:47,030 --> 02:08:49,660 BOND: [ Laughs ] 1919 02:08:49,780 --> 02:08:53,200 Wasn't that better than an elephant syringe? 1920 02:08:53,330 --> 02:08:55,330 WILLENE: Oh, it sure was. 1921 02:08:55,460 --> 02:08:58,710 It wasn't so much air pumped in my body. 1922 02:08:58,830 --> 02:09:02,750 BOND: You mean there's just air in that syringe? 1923 02:09:02,880 --> 02:09:05,970 WILLENE: No, there was seltzer and milk of magnesia, 1924 02:09:06,090 --> 02:09:08,180 but then seltzer got too expensive, 1925 02:09:08,300 --> 02:09:10,050 and she started using Fizzies. 1926 02:09:10,180 --> 02:09:12,220 BOND: Fizzies? What's that? 1927 02:09:12,350 --> 02:09:15,180 WILLENE: Oh, it's kind of a bubbling Kool-Aid. 1928 02:09:15,310 --> 02:09:16,230 BOND: Mnh. 1929 02:09:16,350 --> 02:09:18,100 You want I should inject you 1930 02:09:18,230 --> 02:09:20,980 with some more of my special cocktail mix? 1931 02:09:21,110 --> 02:09:22,650 Sure. Go ahead, baby. 1932 02:09:22,780 --> 02:09:27,200 The shaker's all ready. 1933 02:09:32,280 --> 02:09:34,950 [ Moaning ] 1934 02:09:37,290 --> 02:09:39,580 I love you, Bond! 1935 02:09:39,710 --> 02:09:42,500 BOND: What about your songbird husband? 1936 02:09:42,630 --> 02:09:45,960 WILLENE: Oh, he's hit a sour note. 1937 02:09:48,300 --> 02:09:51,260 BOND: Divorce is a messy business, Willene. 1938 02:09:51,390 --> 02:09:55,520 WILLENE: Oh, there doesn't have to be one. 1939 02:09:59,350 --> 02:10:01,560 Marriage can be annulled 1940 02:10:01,690 --> 02:10:06,110 on the grounds that it hasn't been consummated. 1941 02:10:06,240 --> 02:10:08,610 BOND: I don't know about that. 1942 02:10:08,740 --> 02:10:12,240 That syringe has opened you up pretty wide. 1943 02:10:12,370 --> 02:10:13,280 WILLENE: [ Moans ] 1944 02:10:13,410 --> 02:10:16,700 My brother Edgar, the lawyer who lives in Kansas City 1945 02:10:16,830 --> 02:10:18,160 with his wife, Flora, 1946 02:10:18,290 --> 02:10:20,750 and their two children, ages 9 and 13. 1947 02:10:20,870 --> 02:10:23,710 My brother Edgar could win me that case. 1948 02:10:23,840 --> 02:10:25,590 [ Moans ] 1949 02:10:25,710 --> 02:10:30,050 He'd just tell them while I was working at Flaherty's Bakery, 1950 02:10:30,180 --> 02:10:35,850 I accidentally squatted on a loaf on French bread. 1951 02:10:35,970 --> 02:10:38,180 Oh! Oh! Tell me! 1952 02:10:38,310 --> 02:10:39,390 Say it! 1953 02:10:39,520 --> 02:10:42,400 I need a woman as big and wide as you. 1954 02:10:42,520 --> 02:10:45,900 Everyone else, it's like squeezing into a pinhole. 1955 02:10:46,030 --> 02:10:48,650 WILLENE: Oh, and I need you. 1956 02:10:48,780 --> 02:10:53,110 You probably about the closest in size I'll ever find 1957 02:10:53,240 --> 02:10:56,240 to replace that elephant syringe. 1958 02:10:56,370 --> 02:11:00,580 Working up some gravy to squirt on your mashed potatoes? 1959 02:11:00,710 --> 02:11:03,250 Yeah, they're kind of dry. 1960 02:11:03,380 --> 02:11:08,550 Any objections to putting cream gravy on baked potatoes? 1961 02:11:08,670 --> 02:11:11,260 Yeah, especially when they got their jackets on. 1962 02:11:12,430 --> 02:11:13,890 Is that better? 1963 02:11:14,010 --> 02:11:17,510 TOYDY: They're kind of starchy. Why don't you just beat it? 1964 02:11:17,640 --> 02:11:21,270 Well, take your hand away from it and I will. 1965 02:11:21,390 --> 02:11:23,900 You don't excite me, Roo. 1966 02:11:24,020 --> 02:11:24,770 Why not? 1967 02:11:24,900 --> 02:11:26,110 [ Breathing heavily ] 1968 02:11:26,230 --> 02:11:28,520 You and me, we're too much alike. 1969 02:11:28,650 --> 02:11:29,980 We're two of a kind 1970 02:11:30,110 --> 02:11:32,530 and negative charges don't attract each other. 1971 02:11:32,650 --> 02:11:36,160 I don't consider myself as negative. 1972 02:11:36,280 --> 02:11:41,120 Well, that's what I am -- a great, big, fat minus sign. 1973 02:11:41,250 --> 02:11:43,580 Well, you can say that again. 1974 02:11:43,710 --> 02:11:44,790 [ Keys jingle ] 1975 02:11:44,920 --> 02:11:46,750 Will this change your mind? 1976 02:11:46,880 --> 02:11:48,500 TOYDY: Where were those keys? 1977 02:11:48,630 --> 02:11:51,760 I found them in the kitchen when I went to get the horseradish. 1978 02:11:51,880 --> 02:11:55,050 I bet you one of them opens that locked door in the living room. 1979 02:11:55,180 --> 02:11:56,550 TOYDY: Give me those keys! 1980 02:11:56,680 --> 02:11:58,180 Not till I get some gravy, baby. 1981 02:11:58,310 --> 02:12:01,430 You want an equal amount on each potato? 1982 02:12:01,560 --> 02:12:03,230 Forget about potatoes. 1983 02:12:03,350 --> 02:12:07,190 Just concentrate on this piece of boiled tongue. 1984 02:13:09,710 --> 02:13:12,170 Give it to me. 1985 02:13:26,730 --> 02:13:29,230 Give me those keys. 1986 02:13:29,350 --> 02:13:32,860 Here they are, and it's very well deserved. 1987 02:13:32,980 --> 02:13:35,110 Perhaps you'll change your mind about me. 1988 02:13:35,240 --> 02:13:36,440 In what way? 1989 02:13:36,570 --> 02:13:39,740 Birds of a feather stick together. 1990 02:13:39,870 --> 02:13:42,120 I'm not ready to build no nest. 1991 02:13:42,240 --> 02:13:45,500 But when I do, I don't want it to be foul. 1992 02:13:45,620 --> 02:13:49,120 ROO: I can take an insult and a hint. 1993 02:13:49,250 --> 02:13:54,000 But I don't give up so easily. 1994 02:13:54,130 --> 02:13:57,220 Oh, Bond. Take me away from here. 1995 02:13:57,340 --> 02:14:02,260 I've got a car, money, and a body, and they're all yours. 1996 02:14:02,390 --> 02:14:06,140 Maybe I can get you a job in my husband's publicity department 1997 02:14:06,270 --> 02:14:09,310 stamping his signature on all those 8x10s. 1998 02:14:09,440 --> 02:14:11,020 Stamping his signature? 1999 02:14:11,150 --> 02:14:14,610 I thought you told me they were all hand signed? 2000 02:14:14,730 --> 02:14:16,030 Well, they are. 2001 02:14:16,150 --> 02:14:17,240 But you'll be needing a job pretty soon, 2002 02:14:17,360 --> 02:14:20,200 and that's the only labor I can think of at the moment. 2003 02:14:20,320 --> 02:14:21,280 [ Chuckles ] 2004 02:14:21,410 --> 02:14:23,280 You're good to me, Willene. 2005 02:14:23,410 --> 02:14:26,830 Nobody's ever offered me so much for so little. 2006 02:14:26,950 --> 02:14:30,830 What you offered me wasn't little. 2007 02:14:30,960 --> 02:14:33,170 [ Sighs ] 2008 02:14:33,290 --> 02:14:36,170 Let's get dressed and go eat dinner 2009 02:14:36,300 --> 02:14:39,130 so we can depart on a full stomach. 2010 02:14:39,260 --> 02:14:43,340 There's complications out there in the rain, Willene. 2011 02:14:43,470 --> 02:14:47,770 Well, if you truly love me, you will guide us past them. 2012 02:14:47,890 --> 02:14:53,810 From now on, you're the captain of the ship I call my life. 2013 02:14:56,610 --> 02:14:58,030 Oh! 2014 02:14:58,150 --> 02:14:59,490 I didn't know there was anyone standing there. 2015 02:14:59,610 --> 02:15:01,530 Couldn't you smell the pork chops? 2016 02:15:01,660 --> 02:15:03,860 Yeah. We didn't smell the rat. 2017 02:15:03,990 --> 02:15:06,530 Boy, that sounds like our lovesick Chandler. 2018 02:15:06,660 --> 02:15:08,200 There's nothing sick about love. 2019 02:15:08,330 --> 02:15:10,160 Come on. 2020 02:15:10,290 --> 02:15:12,040 Just a minute, muscles. 2021 02:15:12,170 --> 02:15:13,830 I want to talk to you! 2022 02:15:13,960 --> 02:15:16,000 I'll be right with you, Willene. 2023 02:15:16,130 --> 02:15:17,670 Start eating without me! 2024 02:15:17,800 --> 02:15:20,800 Do you want to get out of this place with that woman? 2025 02:15:20,920 --> 02:15:22,380 Have you been spying on us? 2026 02:15:22,510 --> 02:15:23,680 Spying? 2027 02:15:23,800 --> 02:15:24,550 That's an old story for this room. 2028 02:15:24,680 --> 02:15:25,970 Now, listen to me, and shut up! 2029 02:15:26,100 --> 02:15:27,600 The only way you and that girlfriend of yours 2030 02:15:27,720 --> 02:15:29,220 are gonna get out of here 2031 02:15:29,350 --> 02:15:32,520 is by flinging bananas at that gorilla to distract him. 2032 02:15:32,640 --> 02:15:33,980 Who told you that? 2033 02:15:34,100 --> 02:15:36,520 That guy at the circus. He wasn't kidding. 2034 02:15:36,650 --> 02:15:38,980 That gorilla is a sex-crazed killer! 2035 02:15:39,110 --> 02:15:40,690 Well, what's that got to do with me? 2036 02:15:40,820 --> 02:15:42,950 TOYDY: Well, don't you and that little lady 2037 02:15:43,070 --> 02:15:44,200 want to get out of here? 2038 02:15:44,320 --> 02:15:45,870 Yeah, very much. She loves me. 2039 02:15:45,990 --> 02:15:48,120 That's sweet and touching. 2040 02:15:48,240 --> 02:15:51,370 It just so happens that I've got a crate of bananas. 2041 02:15:51,500 --> 02:15:54,540 BOND: Where the heck did you get a crate of bananas from? 2042 02:15:54,670 --> 02:15:58,000 I had two crates, but I burned one up in a car accident. 2043 02:15:58,130 --> 02:16:00,210 I was hitchhiking to Sioux City, 2044 02:16:00,340 --> 02:16:02,470 and I swiped them off this truck. 2045 02:16:02,590 --> 02:16:05,590 But I'll let you in on it, though. 2046 02:16:05,720 --> 02:16:08,140 I'll give you the bananas, for a price. 2047 02:16:08,260 --> 02:16:09,890 You know I got no money. 2048 02:16:10,020 --> 02:16:12,640 All your wealth is in your body. 2049 02:16:12,770 --> 02:16:14,600 And I want your body. 2050 02:16:14,730 --> 02:16:16,600 You drive a real hard bargain. 2051 02:16:16,730 --> 02:16:18,610 That's just what I want to do. 2052 02:16:18,730 --> 02:16:21,280 I want to drive it real hard into you. 2053 02:16:21,400 --> 02:16:25,240 Listen, give me a second to think it over, huh, Toydy? 2054 02:16:25,360 --> 02:16:27,370 Why don't you loosen your trousers up 2055 02:16:27,490 --> 02:16:29,910 and give yourself a little more room to think? 2056 02:16:30,040 --> 02:16:32,910 You've told us about a whole assortment of people, Bing. 2057 02:16:33,040 --> 02:16:35,250 But you've told us nothing about yourself. 2058 02:16:35,370 --> 02:16:36,920 Get off my back, mister. 2059 02:16:37,040 --> 02:16:39,380 He's not trying to get on it, not after meeting me. 2060 02:16:39,500 --> 02:16:40,880 I think you're holding something back. 2061 02:16:41,000 --> 02:16:42,000 Listen, young fellow! 2062 02:16:42,130 --> 02:16:43,710 If the food didn't agree with you, 2063 02:16:43,840 --> 02:16:45,300 I got a toilet just down the hallway. 2064 02:16:45,430 --> 02:16:46,630 Now, don't be shy. 2065 02:16:46,760 --> 02:16:49,720 Come on, Bing! Let's have it out now! 2066 02:16:49,850 --> 02:16:51,350 Not in my living room, you don't! 2067 02:16:51,470 --> 02:16:52,810 Gert, please. I'm eating! 2068 02:16:52,930 --> 02:16:54,230 Let's have it, Bing. 2069 02:16:54,350 --> 02:16:56,230 All right, God damn it! All right! 2070 02:16:56,350 --> 02:16:57,690 It wasn't an accident! 2071 02:16:57,810 --> 02:16:59,520 I ran that truck off the road on purpose! 2072 02:16:59,650 --> 02:17:00,770 But why? 2073 02:17:00,900 --> 02:17:04,400 Because I couldn't see those animals suffer anymore 2074 02:17:04,530 --> 02:17:06,110 and me along with them. 2075 02:17:06,240 --> 02:17:07,280 Suicide? 2076 02:17:07,410 --> 02:17:09,620 Yes. We were on our way 2077 02:17:09,740 --> 02:17:11,780 to St. Barnaby's School for Crippled Children. 2078 02:17:11,910 --> 02:17:13,450 GERT: In Nebraska City? 2079 02:17:13,580 --> 02:17:15,080 That's right! 2080 02:17:15,210 --> 02:17:16,710 Have you ever been there when the circus was in town?! 2081 02:17:16,830 --> 02:17:17,960 Did you ever see the kids poking at the animals 2082 02:17:18,080 --> 02:17:19,670 with their crutches?! 2083 02:17:19,790 --> 02:17:23,550 Have you ever seen an ostrich run down by a wheelchair?! 2084 02:17:23,670 --> 02:17:26,340 Did you ever hear what it sounds like 2085 02:17:26,470 --> 02:17:28,470 to hear a tiger's head crushed 2086 02:17:28,590 --> 02:17:31,550 by the blows of a broken arm in a cast?! 2087 02:17:31,680 --> 02:17:32,970 Lord have mercy! 2088 02:17:33,100 --> 02:17:35,350 If it was an attempt at a mercy killing, 2089 02:17:35,480 --> 02:17:37,890 why did you try and kill yourself, as well? 2090 02:17:38,020 --> 02:17:41,650 Because God help me! 2091 02:17:41,770 --> 02:17:44,860 I have the hots for that gorilla! 2092 02:17:44,990 --> 02:17:49,740 No woman has ever satisfied me like she has. 2093 02:17:49,870 --> 02:17:53,240 Lord have mercy on your soul. 2094 02:17:53,370 --> 02:17:55,870 I've tried to forget her, but I can't. 2095 02:17:56,000 --> 02:17:58,250 It's killing me. 2096 02:17:58,370 --> 02:17:59,460 I want her. 2097 02:17:59,580 --> 02:18:02,080 Yeah, I know that it's wrong. 2098 02:18:02,210 --> 02:18:04,000 Easy, kid! Easy! 2099 02:18:04,130 --> 02:18:07,050 They say that all is fair in love and war. 2100 02:18:07,170 --> 02:18:08,880 Take it from there. 2101 02:18:09,010 --> 02:18:11,680 Sash, give him another drink. 2102 02:18:11,800 --> 02:18:14,470 I'm gonna go check on Bond. 2103 02:18:14,600 --> 02:18:17,480 Here, you tortured soul. 2104 02:18:17,600 --> 02:18:19,270 Drink this up 2105 02:18:19,390 --> 02:18:23,440 with the knowledge that you may be the beauty 2106 02:18:23,570 --> 02:18:26,190 to soothe that savage beast. 2107 02:18:29,780 --> 02:18:33,490 Well, kid. What's the answer? 2108 02:18:33,620 --> 02:18:36,200 You better use this. 2109 02:18:36,330 --> 02:18:39,160 I had a feeling it would come in handy sometime. 2110 02:18:51,180 --> 02:18:54,640 Hey, take it easy, will you, Toydy? 2111 02:18:54,760 --> 02:19:00,020 Remember, I'm used to giving it, not getting it. 2112 02:19:01,560 --> 02:19:04,690 The slower the better, beautiful. 2113 02:19:04,820 --> 02:19:12,820 [ Tribal music plays ] 2114 02:22:25,430 --> 02:22:28,140 You should really wait at least two hours after eating 2115 02:22:28,270 --> 02:22:30,440 before indulging in any vigorous exercise. 2116 02:22:30,560 --> 02:22:32,690 Get the hell out of here, Chandler! 2117 02:22:32,810 --> 02:22:34,230 Not on your life, Bond. 2118 02:22:34,360 --> 02:22:37,690 I've been waiting a long, long time for this one. 2119 02:22:37,820 --> 02:22:39,280 Here. 2120 02:22:40,530 --> 02:22:42,030 Have a whiff of this. 2121 02:22:42,160 --> 02:22:45,280 It may get you more into the festivities. 2122 02:22:48,580 --> 02:22:51,960 You said you wanted to hear about my wife's love life, 2123 02:22:52,080 --> 02:22:53,170 didn't you, Bond? 2124 02:22:53,290 --> 02:22:57,590 Yeah. Sure. Tell me. 2125 02:22:57,710 --> 02:23:01,800 My wife, Sarah Lou Phillips, 2126 02:23:01,930 --> 02:23:05,350 used to have me undress alone in the living room 2127 02:23:05,470 --> 02:23:07,010 with the lights off. 2128 02:23:08,310 --> 02:23:10,600 And then she'd have me fold myself up 2129 02:23:10,730 --> 02:23:14,150 into the Castro Convertible that her mother had bought us. 2130 02:23:14,270 --> 02:23:17,690 And then she'd want me to close myself in 2131 02:23:17,820 --> 02:23:19,320 like a human sardine sandwich. 2132 02:23:19,440 --> 02:23:21,150 TOYDY: Sound good, doesn't it, Bond? 2133 02:23:21,280 --> 02:23:22,820 Oh, yeah. Great! 2134 02:23:22,950 --> 02:23:24,280 That's great. 2135 02:23:24,410 --> 02:23:28,040 Then she'd come in, turn on the light, 2136 02:23:28,160 --> 02:23:30,160 unfold the Castro Convertible, 2137 02:23:30,290 --> 02:23:34,250 and there'd be a parakeet on her finger. 2138 02:23:36,250 --> 02:23:39,550 Then, when I was stiff from all the massaging, 2139 02:23:39,670 --> 02:23:41,340 she'd have me kneel on the bed. 2140 02:23:41,470 --> 02:23:43,220 And she'd bring the parakeet over 2141 02:23:43,340 --> 02:23:45,640 and put it on my pecker as if it were a perch. 2142 02:23:45,760 --> 02:23:47,550 BOND: Go faster, Chandler! Faster! 2143 02:23:47,680 --> 02:23:51,060 TOYDY: Hurry up. Hurry up! I feel a punch line coming! 2144 02:23:51,180 --> 02:23:54,270 Then she'd lay on her back, underneath my pecker, 2145 02:23:54,400 --> 02:23:57,020 lay on her back with her mouth open. 2146 02:23:57,150 --> 02:23:58,150 Go ahead! Go ahead! 2147 02:23:58,270 --> 02:24:01,440 And then the goddamn parakeet drops a stool into her mouth, 2148 02:24:01,570 --> 02:24:02,530 and she swallowed it! 2149 02:24:02,650 --> 02:24:03,780 -Ugh! -[ Laughs ] 2150 02:24:07,530 --> 02:24:10,040 [ Crying ] 2151 02:24:25,470 --> 02:24:28,260 [ Sighs ] 2152 02:24:30,140 --> 02:24:33,270 Bond! What's the meaning of this? 2153 02:24:33,390 --> 02:24:36,940 I was just receiving our passport out of this place. 2154 02:24:37,060 --> 02:24:39,570 If that kind of passport sends you, 2155 02:24:39,690 --> 02:24:41,280 then I'm afraid you're just gonna have to go along 2156 02:24:41,400 --> 02:24:42,280 without me. 2157 02:24:42,400 --> 02:24:43,860 The crate's all yours, kid! 2158 02:24:43,990 --> 02:24:45,320 I'm sorry to see you go. 2159 02:24:45,450 --> 02:24:47,490 No more sorry than I am to see you come. 2160 02:24:47,620 --> 02:24:49,320 What crate are you talking about? 2161 02:24:49,450 --> 02:24:51,950 There's a crate of bananas behind the sofa. 2162 02:24:52,080 --> 02:24:55,120 Your boyfriend bargained his butt off for that fruit. 2163 02:24:55,250 --> 02:24:56,960 It's usually the other way around. 2164 02:24:57,080 --> 02:24:59,540 Fruits are always bargaining off their butts for me. 2165 02:24:59,670 --> 02:25:02,670 Well, I'm glad I was here for the historic occasion. 2166 02:25:02,800 --> 02:25:06,800 Well, Willene, now all you and Bond have to do 2167 02:25:06,930 --> 02:25:09,510 is run out those doors with the crate of bananas. 2168 02:25:09,640 --> 02:25:14,520 And if the gorilla follows, then just toss him a bunch. 2169 02:25:14,640 --> 02:25:16,890 [ Sighs ] 2170 02:25:17,020 --> 02:25:19,480 You did that for me? 2171 02:25:19,610 --> 02:25:20,980 That's no big deal. 2172 02:25:21,110 --> 02:25:22,820 Besides, I need that job. 2173 02:25:22,940 --> 02:25:24,480 I saw Toydy's naked body, 2174 02:25:24,610 --> 02:25:27,570 so don't go telling me it wasn't any big deal. 2175 02:25:27,700 --> 02:25:30,660 There's no greater love that a man can show a woman 2176 02:25:30,780 --> 02:25:33,410 than to give his body to the enemy. 2177 02:25:33,540 --> 02:25:35,580 [ Thunder crashes ] 2178 02:25:39,130 --> 02:25:41,670 Ah, come on, Willene. 2179 02:25:41,790 --> 02:25:45,920 I had to get broken in sometime. 2180 02:25:48,340 --> 02:25:52,140 This way, if things don't work out with you, 2181 02:25:52,260 --> 02:25:56,230 maybe something will click with your husband. 2182 02:25:57,810 --> 02:26:01,360 It's a good thing I had it stashed away in the attic. 2183 02:26:01,480 --> 02:26:03,690 The smell of mothballs is stifling. 2184 02:26:03,820 --> 02:26:06,190 If you think that's strong, wait until you smell Medusa. 2185 02:26:06,320 --> 02:26:07,950 What the hell is going on here? 2186 02:26:08,070 --> 02:26:10,660 That's my wedding dress, Chandler. 2187 02:26:10,780 --> 02:26:13,410 There's going be a marriage at Prairie Blossom. 2188 02:26:13,530 --> 02:26:16,330 Don't you think we'd better cut the top off, Gert, 2189 02:26:16,450 --> 02:26:19,290 so that when she comes in, she won't mistake him for a woman? 2190 02:26:19,420 --> 02:26:20,710 -Well, who's she? -I'm a he. 2191 02:26:20,830 --> 02:26:23,380 I know what you are, Bing, but who's the she that's coming in? 2192 02:26:23,500 --> 02:26:25,050 Tell me when to open the door. 2193 02:26:25,170 --> 02:26:27,210 -Open the door for who? -The gorilla. 2194 02:26:27,340 --> 02:26:29,720 Evidently, true love cannot be quashed 2195 02:26:29,840 --> 02:26:33,050 by religious or traditional taboos. 2196 02:26:33,180 --> 02:26:36,390 Bing has expressed his love for the gorilla. 2197 02:26:36,520 --> 02:26:40,520 And she, in turn, has pursued him across four continents 2198 02:26:40,650 --> 02:26:43,150 and will not be tamed until she gets him. 2199 02:26:43,270 --> 02:26:44,940 I can sympathize with her. 2200 02:26:46,650 --> 02:26:48,530 So, when everything is ready, we'll all -- 2201 02:26:48,650 --> 02:26:49,740 BOND: Hey, everybody! 2202 02:26:49,860 --> 02:26:52,490 There is something scraping and snorting by the outside door. 2203 02:26:52,620 --> 02:26:55,660 That's it. We'll all hide in the shadows, 2204 02:26:55,790 --> 02:26:58,160 and I'll go out and open the outside door. 2205 02:26:58,290 --> 02:27:00,040 And then, when the ape sees Bing 2206 02:27:00,160 --> 02:27:03,500 standing in the brightly lit doorway with white clothes on, 2207 02:27:03,630 --> 02:27:05,000 she'll come in. 2208 02:27:05,130 --> 02:27:06,170 And that's when we all run out! 2209 02:27:06,300 --> 02:27:08,050 What about those goddamn bananas? 2210 02:27:08,170 --> 02:27:09,340 I've got a crate of bananas. 2211 02:27:09,470 --> 02:27:11,590 After she sees Bing, she won't need them. 2212 02:27:11,720 --> 02:27:12,630 Bing's top banana. 2213 02:27:12,760 --> 02:27:14,340 I'll believe that when I see it. 2214 02:27:14,470 --> 02:27:18,850 The bananas can remain here as a wedding gift, if you wish. 2215 02:27:18,980 --> 02:27:20,850 You really gave me the shaft, Mack. 2216 02:27:20,980 --> 02:27:22,480 The pleasure was all mine. 2217 02:27:22,600 --> 02:27:23,730 And what about you, Gert? 2218 02:27:23,860 --> 02:27:25,230 Where are you going to run to? 2219 02:27:25,360 --> 02:27:27,900 I'm running nowhere. 2220 02:27:28,030 --> 02:27:29,990 It's been a long time 2221 02:27:30,110 --> 02:27:34,110 since this house has seen happiness and love. 2222 02:27:34,240 --> 02:27:39,580 Once, these walls did echo with the gayest of laughter. 2223 02:27:39,700 --> 02:27:46,540 But that was when my husband was alive and my son existed. 2224 02:27:46,670 --> 02:27:53,760 It is my honor now to be hostess to a courageous man 2225 02:27:53,890 --> 02:28:00,180 and the animal he loves and who also shares his sentiment. 2226 02:28:00,310 --> 02:28:04,060 She's in no danger as long as Medusa sees me first. 2227 02:28:04,190 --> 02:28:06,940 After I've given myself to the gorilla again, 2228 02:28:07,070 --> 02:28:10,280 I expect great psychological transformations to occur 2229 02:28:10,400 --> 02:28:12,070 in the skull of that primate. 2230 02:28:12,200 --> 02:28:13,360 You'll see. 2231 02:28:13,490 --> 02:28:15,950 [ Thunder rumbling ] 2232 02:28:16,070 --> 02:28:17,700 Get back in there with those others. 2233 02:28:17,830 --> 02:28:19,740 Whatever loot she's hiding in here is mine. 2234 02:28:19,870 --> 02:28:21,540 Like hell it is. 2235 02:28:21,660 --> 02:28:24,160 If I hadn't gone in the kitchen for that horseradish, 2236 02:28:24,290 --> 02:28:26,080 you never would have got those keys. 2237 02:28:26,210 --> 02:28:27,880 Look, you got your horseradish 2238 02:28:28,000 --> 02:28:29,800 and you got an extra helping of creamed gravy. 2239 02:28:29,920 --> 02:28:31,130 What the hell else do you want? 2240 02:28:31,260 --> 02:28:32,130 A chicken in every pot 2241 02:28:32,260 --> 02:28:33,840 and creamed gravy seven nights a week. 2242 02:28:33,970 --> 02:28:35,880 TOYDY: I found it. I found the key! I found it! 2243 02:28:36,010 --> 02:28:37,550 ROO: Aah! 2244 02:28:39,140 --> 02:28:41,560 You see, there's really no sense in fighting 2245 02:28:41,680 --> 02:28:42,850 if you only live once. 2246 02:28:42,980 --> 02:28:47,190 Oh, it will be a pleasure to cater to your honeymoon 2247 02:28:47,310 --> 02:28:50,230 with bananas, bonbons, and a change of linens! 2248 02:28:50,360 --> 02:28:52,980 -[ Roo screams ] -Oh! 2249 02:28:53,110 --> 02:28:55,030 TOYDY: Lay low! Lay low! 2250 02:28:55,150 --> 02:28:57,450 ROO: His testicles are enormous! 2251 02:28:57,570 --> 02:29:00,330 [ Indistinct shouting ] 2252 02:29:06,000 --> 02:29:07,210 WILLENE: Who was that?! 2253 02:29:07,330 --> 02:29:10,500 He who does not exist. 2254 02:29:10,630 --> 02:29:13,210 TOYDY: Let me out! Let me out! 2255 02:29:13,340 --> 02:29:16,430 Let me out of here! God have mercy! 2256 02:29:19,760 --> 02:29:22,430 Oh, my God! It's her! 2257 02:29:22,560 --> 02:29:24,390 -The gorilla! -She busted down the door! 2258 02:29:24,520 --> 02:29:26,060 Oh, Chandler! What do we do?! 2259 02:29:26,190 --> 02:29:29,900 When she smashes her way in, we'll make a dash for freedom. 2260 02:29:30,020 --> 02:29:32,900 [ Maniacal laughter ] 2261 02:29:44,830 --> 02:29:48,750 Will you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? 2262 02:29:48,880 --> 02:29:51,040 Run! 2263 02:29:51,170 --> 02:29:55,050 In sickness and in health. 2264 02:29:55,170 --> 02:30:00,390 Till death do us part. 2265 02:30:04,810 --> 02:30:07,270 I told a lie. 2266 02:30:07,390 --> 02:30:09,770 A little white lie. 2267 02:30:09,900 --> 02:30:12,060 [ Roo screaming ] 2268 02:30:12,190 --> 02:30:16,490 You see, he does exist behind this door. 2269 02:30:16,610 --> 02:30:20,820 But not out here in the world of sanity. 2270 02:30:20,950 --> 02:30:26,240 Behold thy marriage chamber and thy mate for eternity. 2271 02:30:26,370 --> 02:30:28,750 [ Shouting and pounding ] 2272 02:30:31,080 --> 02:30:34,250 [ Maniacal laughter ] 2273 02:30:51,230 --> 02:30:54,060 [ Muffled laughter continues ] 2274 02:30:54,190 --> 02:30:56,070 [ Medusa snorting ] 2275 02:30:56,190 --> 02:30:58,240 [ Thunder crashing ] 2276 02:31:28,140 --> 02:31:31,480 The parasites that have sucked the juices from your body 2277 02:31:31,600 --> 02:31:34,480 have not all belonged to the insect population. 2278 02:31:34,610 --> 02:31:37,820 Many shrewd businessmen have fattened their wallets 2279 02:31:37,940 --> 02:31:42,030 by exhibiting your animalism. 2280 02:31:42,150 --> 02:31:45,240 It's not my wallet that I want fattened. 2281 02:31:45,370 --> 02:31:47,870 It's you. 2282 02:31:47,990 --> 02:31:52,910 Fattened with our first child. 2283 02:31:53,040 --> 02:31:56,380 Our first newborn child. 2284 02:31:56,500 --> 02:32:03,170 The first of a race of supermen. 2285 02:32:07,390 --> 02:32:08,890 [ Laughing continues ] 2286 02:32:09,020 --> 02:32:11,730 [ Roo screaming ] 2287 02:32:14,270 --> 02:32:16,770 TOYDY: For God's sake have mercy! 2288 02:32:16,900 --> 02:32:19,940 God has no mercy! 2289 02:32:20,070 --> 02:32:23,030 You see what he's done to my son! 2290 02:32:23,150 --> 02:32:28,160 Gerald had gone to Borneo to collect some erotic artifacts. 2291 02:32:28,280 --> 02:32:32,200 That was all -- a harmless excursion 2292 02:32:32,330 --> 02:32:36,710 into the steaming tropics in the name of art. 2293 02:32:36,830 --> 02:32:43,510 But he was smitten with a vile and swelling tropical disorder. 2294 02:32:43,630 --> 02:32:47,800 A malignancy of glandular grotesqueness 2295 02:32:47,930 --> 02:32:50,890 that struck at the very root of his manhood. 2296 02:32:51,020 --> 02:32:53,730 [ Thunder crashes ] 2297 02:32:53,850 --> 02:32:56,900 You see him now 2298 02:32:57,020 --> 02:33:02,780 at the pinnacle of his disorder, 2299 02:33:02,900 --> 02:33:09,030 repulsive to both man and woman alike. 2300 02:33:10,030 --> 02:33:14,370 And what is more important -- 2301 02:33:14,500 --> 02:33:18,380 repulsive to himself. 2302 02:33:19,710 --> 02:33:23,210 So self-revolting, 2303 02:33:23,340 --> 02:33:28,390 his mind became unbalanced. 2304 02:33:29,010 --> 02:33:34,350 Knowing that the one thing that made his life worth living 2305 02:33:34,480 --> 02:33:41,520 was being crushed by the weight of his own testicles. 2306 02:33:43,690 --> 02:33:49,160 For his safety and mine 2307 02:33:49,280 --> 02:33:54,040 and for the safety of Beulah and Pinky, 2308 02:33:54,160 --> 02:33:58,670 I had to lock him up behind this door! 2309 02:34:00,000 --> 02:34:07,470 The weight of that malignancy on our fragile bodies 2310 02:34:07,590 --> 02:34:14,310 would have crushed the very life out of us. 2311 02:34:16,100 --> 02:34:19,890 You two are strong. 2312 02:34:20,020 --> 02:34:23,650 You'll survive. 2313 02:34:23,770 --> 02:34:29,400 You'll give Gerald a taste of the sweetness 2314 02:34:29,530 --> 02:34:32,950 that was once his whole life. 2315 02:34:33,080 --> 02:34:36,620 You'll survive. 2316 02:34:36,750 --> 02:34:39,660 And I pity you! 2317 02:34:39,790 --> 02:34:42,830 [ Maniacal laughter ] 2318 02:34:48,010 --> 02:34:49,220 The storm is over, 2319 02:34:49,340 --> 02:34:51,800 and God has given me the sun and you 2320 02:34:51,930 --> 02:34:54,640 on this, the first morning of our lives. 2321 02:34:54,760 --> 02:34:57,720 Now, don't you go putting all your eggs in one basket, 2322 02:34:57,850 --> 02:34:59,100 Willene. 2323 02:34:59,230 --> 02:35:03,520 I've got my hand in your basket, and it feels nice and firm. 2324 02:35:03,650 --> 02:35:06,520 -Yeah? -I'm not worried about no eggs. 2325 02:35:06,650 --> 02:35:09,740 Well, just as long as you don't go losing your marbles over me. 2326 02:35:09,860 --> 02:35:12,490 I'm young, and I'm restless. 2327 02:35:12,620 --> 02:35:13,950 And I'm not to be trusted. 2328 02:35:14,070 --> 02:35:16,830 A lot of energy in this body, Willene, 2329 02:35:16,950 --> 02:35:20,250 and it hops around from bed to bed like a flea. 2330 02:35:20,370 --> 02:35:22,170 To be bit by a lovebug like me 2331 02:35:22,290 --> 02:35:24,670 could be a pretty scratchy situation. 2332 02:35:24,790 --> 02:35:26,130 I don't care, my love. 2333 02:35:26,250 --> 02:35:29,880 All I ask is that when I start itching, you start scratching. 2334 02:35:30,010 --> 02:35:32,590 Bond? 2335 02:35:32,720 --> 02:35:34,390 Yes? 2336 02:35:34,510 --> 02:35:35,760 I'm starting to itch. 2337 02:35:35,890 --> 02:35:37,850 Where do you want me to scratch? 2338 02:35:39,100 --> 02:35:42,690 The rain is stopping, Chandler. 2339 02:35:42,810 --> 02:35:46,690 Perhaps the road to Texas will not be muddy. 2340 02:35:46,820 --> 02:35:50,280 Do you see that sliver of rosy light over there? 2341 02:35:50,400 --> 02:35:52,570 That's where we're going, Sash. 2342 02:35:52,700 --> 02:35:57,160 We're getting out of the mud and into a bed of roses. 2343 02:35:57,280 --> 02:35:59,990 That rosy light is the dawn, Chandler. 2344 02:36:00,120 --> 02:36:02,120 Texas is to the south, not east. 2345 02:36:02,250 --> 02:36:06,170 My heart is towards the east, towards the glow of a new day -- 2346 02:36:06,290 --> 02:36:10,340 a day without vengeance and a day without hate. 2347 02:36:10,460 --> 02:36:12,920 Will your heart lead you to that bed of roses, 2348 02:36:13,050 --> 02:36:14,630 or are you relying on your nose? 2349 02:36:14,760 --> 02:36:17,760 I'm relying on the sign we just passed. 2350 02:36:17,890 --> 02:36:24,270 Rose Haven Motel, 6 miles east down Route 18. 2351 02:36:24,400 --> 02:36:29,020 That's where we'll find our bed, Sash. 2352 02:36:36,030 --> 02:36:39,910 I'm pouring myself a drink, Charlie! 2353 02:36:40,040 --> 02:36:44,500 Only, it ain't to forget my loneliness. 2354 02:36:44,620 --> 02:36:47,040 We have company now. 2355 02:36:47,170 --> 02:36:50,750 And the house is full of human voices. 2356 02:36:50,880 --> 02:36:53,880 Like it was 15 years ago. 2357 02:36:54,010 --> 02:36:55,220 [ Medusa grunts ] 2358 02:36:55,340 --> 02:36:56,970 [ Bing groaning ] 2359 02:36:57,090 --> 02:37:01,060 There are also the voices of the inhuman 2360 02:37:01,180 --> 02:37:04,060 and those that suffer. 2361 02:37:04,180 --> 02:37:07,020 But they suffer no more. 2362 02:37:07,150 --> 02:37:09,810 [ Thudding ] 2363 02:37:09,940 --> 02:37:11,770 Ahh! 2364 02:37:14,450 --> 02:37:20,660 Remind me to go shopping today for some chopped meat, 2365 02:37:20,780 --> 02:37:26,080 vegetables, milk, and honey. 2366 02:37:26,210 --> 02:37:29,580 And I'll need at least three dozen bananas 2367 02:37:29,710 --> 02:37:32,960 and some heads of lettuce. 2368 02:37:33,090 --> 02:37:36,880 And, of course, my cucumbers. 2369 02:37:37,010 --> 02:37:40,800 I mustn't forget my cucumbers. 2370 02:37:40,930 --> 02:37:44,470 People come and go, 2371 02:37:44,600 --> 02:37:49,690 but the cucumbers must stay. 2372 02:37:55,280 --> 02:37:59,950 Join me in a toast, Charlie. 2373 02:38:03,120 --> 02:38:10,120 A toast to love and happiness. 2374 02:38:10,250 --> 02:38:15,420 And to a life that won't go sour 2375 02:38:15,550 --> 02:38:21,050 and turn every cucumber into a pickle. 2376 02:38:30,690 --> 02:38:32,650 [ Sighs ] 2377 02:38:36,530 --> 02:38:39,110 [ Rooster crowing ] 2377 02:38:40,305 --> 02:39:40,568 Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE www.osdb.link/lm