"Leanne" Spiritual Airbags

1 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,929 [upbeat theme music playing] 2 00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:20,854 [bumper music playing] 3 00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:25,775 I love Sunday service, but why do I eat like it's actually the Last Supper? 4 00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:30,947 Hey, did Pastor Dave seem off to you? 5 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:34,034 I mean, he kind of went into a fugue state during the sermon. 6 00:00:34,117 --> 00:00:36,244 Well, the man's 85, bless his heart. 7 00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:39,164 You try coming up with a fresh take every Sunday. 8 00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:40,832 Hey, you want to swing by the--? 9 00:00:40,915 --> 00:00:43,168 -[crash] -[tires screeching] 10 00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:48,840 -[air hissing] -[Leanne and Carol panting] 11 00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,010 -Are we alive? -I think so. 12 00:00:52,093 --> 00:00:54,971 -Are you hurt? -Uh, no. No. You? 13 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:56,765 No, I'm good. 14 00:01:01,978 --> 00:01:03,021 Sorry! 15 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:10,862 ♪ Leanne ♪ 16 00:01:11,362 --> 00:01:12,405 [Mary] Oh. 17 00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:15,742 I pressed the brakes, but nothing happened until your car stopped me. 18 00:01:15,825 --> 00:01:17,869 It's okay, Mary. It's not your fault. 19 00:01:17,952 --> 00:01:19,412 Yes, it is. 20 00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:21,372 And why are you driving Jerry's car? 21 00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:25,585 I only drive it on Sundays because I know how much he loves joining me at church. 22 00:01:25,668 --> 00:01:29,422 A second sooner and we all would have been joining Jerry in glory. 23 00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:31,549 How did we come out of this okay? 24 00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:33,593 We should all be chalk marks on the street. 25 00:01:33,676 --> 00:01:36,054 The good Lord must have been looking out for us. 26 00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:39,599 Well, you and me, we were Carol's spiritual airbags. 27 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:42,560 Am I the only one that peed a little? 28 00:01:43,686 --> 00:01:44,729 -No. -No. 29 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:48,775 [bumper music playing] 30 00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:55,949 -You couldn't sleep either? -[sighs] I'm still shaking. 31 00:01:56,032 --> 00:01:57,075 Me too. 32 00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:00,954 Andrew offered to stay on the phone with me all night. 33 00:02:01,037 --> 00:02:02,497 Isn't that sweet? 34 00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:03,665 Mm. 35 00:02:03,748 --> 00:02:06,584 I tried counting sheep, but they all looked like Mary. 36 00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:15,468 I can't stop thinking about how we could have died. 37 00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:16,469 I know. 38 00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:18,763 My life flashed before my eyes. 39 00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:20,098 Mine too. 40 00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:22,350 I was not happy with what I saw. 41 00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:28,606 Leanne? 42 00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:33,820 I'm sorry, but mine was magnificent. 43 00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:37,031 I'm talking picture-perfect, no regrets. 44 00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:39,117 Of course it was. You're a saint. 45 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:42,245 -Well, Carol, I wouldn't go that far. -No, it's true. 46 00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:44,205 You've lived your life right. 47 00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:48,251 My bad karma caused the accident, and your good karma saved us. 48 00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:50,044 I don't know about that. 49 00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:52,380 But we've been spared for a reason. 50 00:02:52,922 --> 00:02:55,049 Our job must not be done here. 51 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:56,801 You're right. 52 00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:59,345 I have to change my ways. 53 00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:02,432 No more dark cloud Carol. 54 00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:05,768 From now on, nothing but kindness, service. 55 00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:07,270 No more making fun of people. 56 00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:08,855 Starting right now! 57 00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:12,275 Maybe we should check on Mary. She's gotta be rattled too. 58 00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:15,570 Hell no, that ginger assassin almost killed us! 59 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,536 Okay, starting now. 60 00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:27,040 [bumper music playing] 61 00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:32,879 Well, what's all this? 62 00:03:32,962 --> 00:03:35,632 I woke up early to make you breakfast. 63 00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:38,635 Project Good Deeds is off to a greasy start. 64 00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:40,053 Oh. 65 00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:43,014 Well, thank you, nice lady in Carol's skin. 66 00:03:46,142 --> 00:03:47,268 Hey. 67 00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:49,938 -What are you doing here? -Tyler told me about the accident. 68 00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:53,358 -I wanted to see if you were okay. -Oh, thank you, but we're fine. 69 00:03:53,441 --> 00:03:55,026 Hey, big guy. You hungry? 70 00:03:57,695 --> 00:03:58,988 She hit her head? 71 00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:02,659 Better. She hit her heart. 72 00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:03,576 Oh. 73 00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:05,036 Pretty small target. 74 00:04:05,828 --> 00:04:07,080 [chuckles] 75 00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:09,832 Come on, give me your best. 76 00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:11,918 My nose looks like a can opener. 77 00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:14,003 My arms dangle like a puppet. 78 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:17,090 I look like a rubber chicken. But meaner, you know, 'cause it's you. 79 00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:20,551 Oh, Bill, who hurt you? 80 00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:23,346 You. 81 00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:26,766 I like the new Carol. 82 00:04:26,849 --> 00:04:28,851 I don't. It's deeply unsettling. 83 00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:33,314 Staring down death can change a person. 84 00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:35,441 It certainly puts things in perspective. 85 00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:36,401 Oh. 86 00:04:36,484 --> 00:04:39,904 You're breaking things off with Agent J. Edgar Loser? 87 00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:43,950 No, I'm very happy in my relationship, thank you. 88 00:04:44,033 --> 00:04:47,704 Oh, if he's so great, why isn't he here comforting you like me? 89 00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:51,374 There is nothing comforting about this. 90 00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:57,797 But my close call has had me thinking about loose ends that need tidying up. 91 00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:59,799 Want me to get my golf clubs out of the garage? 92 00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:03,886 No, I want you to get your future corpse out of our burial plot. 93 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,308 I bought those plots for our anniversary. 94 00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:14,480 And as romantic as that was… 95 00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:20,320 things have changed, and I no longer want to spend eternity lying next to you. 96 00:05:20,903 --> 00:05:23,573 Where am I supposed to go? I want to be near the kids. 97 00:05:23,656 --> 00:05:26,534 Why don't we tuck you up into one of those walls 98 00:05:26,617 --> 00:05:29,162 with a nice view of the rest of us? 99 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:33,624 No, I have every right to rot underground with my family. 100 00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:35,335 I knew you'd have an attitude. 101 00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:38,880 Well, if it's so groovy over on the wall, why don't you go there? 102 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:41,674 Because I birthed and breastfed these children. 103 00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:44,886 Well… I breastfed our mortgage. 104 00:05:45,386 --> 00:05:49,766 Well, when I was dilated nine centimeters, you were eating a bag of pork rinds. 105 00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:53,394 This is not a fair fight. 106 00:05:53,978 --> 00:05:56,689 [bumper music playing] 107 00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:59,192 All right, I've updated all my health insurance documents. 108 00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:02,862 Bill is officially out, and you are now my emergency contact. 109 00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:05,448 Ooh! That goes in Carol's good file. 110 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:08,576 -It really doesn't work that way. -Oh, it does for me. 111 00:06:08,659 --> 00:06:10,161 Rack it, big guy. 112 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:14,874 You know, I don't want to say I'm glad this accident happened, but I kind of am. 113 00:06:14,957 --> 00:06:17,168 -We're making positive changes. -Oh yeah. 114 00:06:17,251 --> 00:06:19,754 I'm finding all sorts of ways to give back. 115 00:06:19,837 --> 00:06:20,755 Check it out. 116 00:06:20,838 --> 00:06:24,509 I'm one PayPal click away from adopting a gorilla. 117 00:06:24,592 --> 00:06:26,552 -Oh. -[laughs] Uh-huh. 118 00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,638 His name's Kamandi. 119 00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:31,391 They send you a picture every month, some of his artwork. 120 00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:33,601 He likes to finger paint. 121 00:06:34,268 --> 00:06:36,187 We're not putting those on our fridge. 122 00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:40,066 [Mary whining] 123 00:06:40,149 --> 00:06:41,526 Mary, what's wrong? 124 00:06:41,609 --> 00:06:43,152 Well, the mechanic called. 125 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:48,032 Jerry's car is totaled and they're gonna smash it into one of those little cubes. 126 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:50,618 -[Mary sobbing] -Mary, come here. 127 00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:54,080 It's okay. Carol's different now. 128 00:06:54,747 --> 00:06:56,707 -[sobbing] -[Carol] Mmm. 129 00:06:56,791 --> 00:07:00,586 Oh, when I drove that car, it felt like I was sitting in Jerry's lap. 130 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,922 Oh, let's get you inside. 131 00:07:03,005 --> 00:07:04,006 [Mary] Mm-hm. 132 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,758 You see that? All love. 133 00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:12,014 I just can't imagine life without Jerry's car. 134 00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:16,352 The car may be gone, but you'll always have your sweet memories. 135 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:20,440 Thank goodness I still have all his stuff at home, right where he left it. 136 00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:25,486 His robe, his toothbrush, his comb with his hair in it. 137 00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:29,615 It's been seven years, Mary. You've never cleared anything out? 138 00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:31,868 Oh, no. That would make me feel lonely. 139 00:07:32,493 --> 00:07:35,538 Maybe being reminded of him makes you feel worse. 140 00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:36,914 Mm. Let me take a crack at this. 141 00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:40,710 I had a cat named Whiskers because she didn't have any. 142 00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:44,338 She came to me that way. I have theories, but I'm digressing. 143 00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:45,465 May I step in? 144 00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:46,966 No, my crack. 145 00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:48,968 Anyway, when Whiskers died, 146 00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:51,345 I couldn't bring myself to throw away her bowl. 147 00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:53,848 But then I finally did, and now it's like, who cares? 148 00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:58,019 Carol's new at comforting. 149 00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:03,191 You know, we have found that this accident has been an opportunity for change. 150 00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:05,026 I don't care for change. 151 00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:08,988 Well, I think Jerry's car being taken from you is the first step. 152 00:08:09,071 --> 00:08:13,034 Now you're ready to let go of the rest, hair in a comb and all. 153 00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:16,621 I've tried to do it, but I just can't face it alone. 154 00:08:16,704 --> 00:08:17,830 I'll help. 155 00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:18,998 We'll both help. 156 00:08:19,081 --> 00:08:20,291 Yeah, but I said it first. 157 00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:21,792 You… You will? 158 00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:22,752 Of course. 159 00:08:24,253 --> 00:08:25,338 Oh. [chuckles] 160 00:08:25,421 --> 00:08:26,964 This is gonna be a thing now. 161 00:08:27,548 --> 00:08:30,635 [bumper music playing] 162 00:08:30,718 --> 00:08:33,346 What is Jerry's shoehorn telling you? 163 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,140 I know this is taking long, 164 00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:40,645 but I really appreciate your patience as I walk through the land of Jerry. 165 00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:42,813 Donate. 166 00:08:43,564 --> 00:08:45,566 See? There you go. 167 00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:48,486 Okay, now how about we tackle this sock drawer? 168 00:08:49,570 --> 00:08:51,864 I'm gonna need a breather. I'll be right back. 169 00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:57,537 I did not know what we were signing up for. 170 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:01,666 I knew we were in trouble when she wept over his mouth guard. 171 00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:04,293 Yeah. 172 00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:08,798 But we're being of service, and we can feel good about that. 173 00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:09,882 Sure. 174 00:09:11,592 --> 00:09:12,760 What's wrong? 175 00:09:13,427 --> 00:09:15,346 If we had died in that accident, 176 00:09:15,429 --> 00:09:18,307 someone would be looking through our stuff like this. 177 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:19,559 I know. 178 00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:22,895 The idea of Josie and Tyler grieving over my belongings, 179 00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:24,272 it just breaks my heart. 180 00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:25,565 No, but that's just it. 181 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:28,442 At least you have people who'd care about your stuff. 182 00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:31,404 My life has no sentimental value to anyone. 183 00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:32,530 That's not true. 184 00:09:32,613 --> 00:09:35,408 It is true, and I feel so stupid 185 00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:39,245 for trying to cram through good deeds to give my life purpose. 186 00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:40,746 Carol, don't say that. 187 00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:44,375 Oh, please. No one's gonna be crying over my Waterpik. 188 00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,171 All right, I'm back. 189 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:50,214 Great. 190 00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:52,883 Jerry's suspenders, in or out? I say out. 191 00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:54,343 [gasps] Oh! 192 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:57,263 -I didn't get to hold them. -Oh, we're done with that. Next! 193 00:09:58,389 --> 00:10:01,934 [bumper music playing] 194 00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:04,478 Sorry, Jerry. 195 00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:07,898 In the end, we're all just garbage bags in a hallway. 196 00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:12,653 I never thought we'd get that comb of hair out of her tiny little praying hands. 197 00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:15,114 It's all so depressing. 198 00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:18,159 You know, Pastor Dave is on the other side of that door. 199 00:10:18,242 --> 00:10:20,286 Why don't you go and have a little talk with him? 200 00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:21,662 Why? I'm fine. 201 00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:24,540 There's a psychological term for people like you. 202 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,792 It's called "help-resistant complainer." 203 00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:30,546 Either become a shrink or shut up. 204 00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:39,805 Pastor Dave, if Leanne asks, we had a nice talk. 205 00:10:40,514 --> 00:10:41,390 Who are you? 206 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:43,559 Oh, hey. I'm Pastor Tom. 207 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:44,935 Where's Pastor Dave? 208 00:10:45,519 --> 00:10:47,188 Yeah, so he, uh… 209 00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:49,607 He had to take a bit of a leave, 210 00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:53,069 which… [chuckles] …was really unexpected, 211 00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:56,405 seeing as how I was surfing the waves in Costa Rica. 212 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,574 It was a mission trip. Don't judge. 213 00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:02,703 And then suddenly, you're needed in Knoxville. 214 00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:05,331 And I was like, "Oh, no way." 215 00:11:05,414 --> 00:11:06,332 But then… 216 00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:09,543 God was like, "Yes way." 217 00:11:10,252 --> 00:11:11,504 And here we are. 218 00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:13,005 Is this a joke? 219 00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:14,507 No. 220 00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:16,884 I'm sort of like a substitute teacher. 221 00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:19,929 Substitute preacher! Oh, that is good. 222 00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:25,851 So… how can I help you? 223 00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:30,481 No offense, but substitute teachers are usually substitutes for a reason. 224 00:11:30,564 --> 00:11:32,483 -Because they suck. -[laughs] 225 00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:36,195 Yeah. That was a little strong, but I get where you were going with that. 226 00:11:36,278 --> 00:11:38,280 You know, me personally, 227 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:41,951 I just love not being stuck in one place for a long time. 228 00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:46,455 And, you know, I get to see the world and meet new people. 229 00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:50,501 I came to the calling late, so it's just all an adventure for me. 230 00:11:50,584 --> 00:11:52,503 What were you doing with your life before? 231 00:11:52,586 --> 00:11:55,423 Oh, pfft, I mean, I wanted to be Tom Petty. 232 00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:59,844 Instead, I ended up selling ink cartridges for printers and, you know, 233 00:11:59,927 --> 00:12:01,470 blah, blah, blah. 234 00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:05,015 I always found the "blah, blah, blah" was the best part. [chuckles] 235 00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:07,977 Well, why don't you have a seat and we'll go blah for blah. 236 00:12:10,354 --> 00:12:11,564 [Carol clears throat] 237 00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:18,320 Hey, look, I get it. 238 00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:21,532 You're used to Pastor Dave and not some stranger. 239 00:12:21,615 --> 00:12:24,994 No, actually, I never do this. Ever. [chuckles] 240 00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:28,789 I'm more of a "fix your own problems on the street" kind of gal. 241 00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:30,541 Ah. 242 00:12:30,624 --> 00:12:31,751 How's that working? 243 00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:35,921 My life has no meaning. 244 00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:37,423 [laughing] Cool! 245 00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:42,386 -Cool? -Yeah. 246 00:12:43,345 --> 00:12:46,265 You'd be surprised how often I hear that. 247 00:12:46,348 --> 00:12:48,184 I've felt it many times myself. 248 00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:50,603 Of course, it's a lie, but the feelings aren't. 249 00:12:50,686 --> 00:12:54,857 It's not a lie. I don't have kids. All my relationships have failed. 250 00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:56,942 I don't have a career. I live with my sister. 251 00:12:57,026 --> 00:13:00,154 And oh, my God, saying this out loud is humiliating! 252 00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:03,324 You're being really hard on yourself, all right? 253 00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:05,868 Why don't we just take these one at a time? 254 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:08,579 I can't do this. 255 00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:10,498 Hang on. Wait a second. 256 00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:13,667 -That was fast. -Yeah, I'm fixed. Let's go. 257 00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:17,838 [bumper music playing] 258 00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:24,595 -Hey. -Hey. 259 00:13:24,678 --> 00:13:26,764 -Mary made us a lemon meringue pie. -Mm. 260 00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:28,098 It was Jerry's favorite. 261 00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:30,351 Apparently, he wants to thank us too. 262 00:13:30,434 --> 00:13:32,311 Mm. Knock yourself out. 263 00:13:32,394 --> 00:13:34,355 Oh, come on. It's not fun eating pie alone. 264 00:13:34,438 --> 00:13:35,481 I said no. 265 00:13:36,565 --> 00:13:38,609 Okay, that's it. You're being an idiot. 266 00:13:38,692 --> 00:13:39,944 Excuse me? 267 00:13:40,027 --> 00:13:42,196 This whole "if you were gone no one would care" thing 268 00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:43,489 is getting really old. 269 00:13:43,572 --> 00:13:46,367 You're Josie and Tyler's aunt. 270 00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:50,704 Before you want to just throw that out, they love you, and they need you. 271 00:13:50,788 --> 00:13:53,457 And you're the one they tell all their secrets to. 272 00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:56,252 And don't get me started about Mom and Daddy. 273 00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:58,128 You keep them on their toes. 274 00:13:58,212 --> 00:14:00,172 Heck, you're the reason they're alive. 275 00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:03,467 And Bill may be a royal butthole, 276 00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:06,220 but you're the only sister he's ever known. 277 00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:08,097 Are you done? 278 00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:09,557 No. 279 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,016 Because most of all… 280 00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:13,018 most of all, 281 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:17,273 if something ever happened to you, I don't know how I would go on. 282 00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:19,859 You're my other half. 283 00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:24,321 And you think Mary's crazy with that hair? 284 00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:27,491 I would shave your head and wear it as a wig. 285 00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:30,953 [sniffles] 286 00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:34,373 Well, it took a while, but I knew you'd make it about you. 287 00:14:35,916 --> 00:14:36,750 [Carol sniffles] 288 00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:41,171 You're pushing my breast into this pie. 289 00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:44,717 And Jerry's loving it. 290 00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:50,973 [bumper music playing] 291 00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:52,641 [indistinct chatter] 292 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:56,896 Why didn't you girls tell me about your accident? 293 00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:59,189 I had to hear about it at bingo. 294 00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:01,525 We're fine, Mama. No sense in worrying you. 295 00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:02,651 Oh… 296 00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:07,489 Why's Dad been calling me about our burial plot? 297 00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:10,826 How would you feel about him spending eternity up in a wall? 298 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:14,330 I've got a baby and another on the way. 299 00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:15,956 I need simpler questions. 300 00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:19,335 Oh, my goodness. 301 00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:22,630 All the Connor boys are wearing Jerry's suspenders. 302 00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:24,340 It's like he's here! 303 00:15:26,675 --> 00:15:29,053 See? Not garbage in a hallway. 304 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,183 Who's this hippie? 305 00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:37,019 He's filling in for Pastor Dave. 306 00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:38,729 He's handsome. 307 00:15:39,229 --> 00:15:41,190 If he plays the guitar, I'm out. 308 00:15:42,858 --> 00:15:43,984 Good morning. 309 00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:46,487 Yeah, I know, not him. 310 00:15:46,987 --> 00:15:48,781 Your Pastor Dave is okay. 311 00:15:48,864 --> 00:15:51,241 Just taking a little bit of leave to focus on his health. 312 00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:53,452 And so we'll keep him in our prayers. 313 00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:56,372 Take your time, Pastor Dave. 314 00:15:57,373 --> 00:15:59,208 Just take your time. 315 00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:03,545 I'm Pastor Tom, 316 00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:07,257 and I am your substitute preacher. 317 00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:10,511 I'm originally from Iowa, 318 00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:13,347 but I've done a lot of moving around in my life, 319 00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:17,142 which has made planting roots hard, so it's just me. 320 00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,228 And an old turtle named Anthony. 321 00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:21,730 -He's different. -[Pastor Tom] Anyway… 322 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:22,690 Yeah. 323 00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:24,525 Give me a chance to get to know you. 324 00:16:24,608 --> 00:16:27,194 My door is always open. 325 00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:28,821 All right! 326 00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:31,865 Let's kick this off with a song. 327 00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:37,454 I learned this from a Mississippi Delta blues man. 328 00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:38,956 I'm no Tom Petty, 329 00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:42,042 but I played with the words, and I'll repeat them a few times. 330 00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:43,752 I think you'll catch on. 331 00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:44,837 I'm out. 332 00:16:46,922 --> 00:16:49,633 [bumper music playing] 333 00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:55,264 [chuckles] 334 00:16:57,933 --> 00:17:00,436 As far as first sermons go, that wasn't half bad. 335 00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:03,856 Oh, so I didn't suck? [chuckles] 336 00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:06,358 I'm sorry. 337 00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:09,028 I said that when I didn't know you were a turtle owner. 338 00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:10,946 [laughs] 339 00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:14,742 Well, you seem a little better than when I saw you last. 340 00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:16,326 I am. 341 00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:18,704 But I think… 342 00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:21,957 I think I'm ready to tackle the "blah, blah, blah." 343 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,376 That's what I'm barely paid for. 344 00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:30,841 [Carol clears throat] 345 00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:35,012 I don't know where to begin. 346 00:17:35,095 --> 00:17:38,140 Well, let's just start with your name. 347 00:17:41,518 --> 00:17:44,313 [bumper music playing] 348 00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:48,734 My putter's missing. 349 00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:50,277 I threw it on the roof. 350 00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:53,864 -Why? -To try to get the rake down. 351 00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:56,283 Why was the rake on the roof? 352 00:17:56,366 --> 00:17:59,703 To get the tennis racket down. How long you want to do this? 353 00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:02,331 I'm done. I'm done. 354 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,041 Before you go, 355 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,919 I've thought long and hard, 356 00:18:07,419 --> 00:18:10,380 and I've decided to let you keep your burial plot. 357 00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:11,632 Oh. 358 00:18:11,715 --> 00:18:14,134 Well, thank you for giving me what I already own. 359 00:18:15,719 --> 00:18:17,346 But I have one request. 360 00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:20,557 You got to make room for Carol. She's sliding in between us. 361 00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:21,809 Ugh. 362 00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:22,726 How? 363 00:18:23,393 --> 00:18:25,187 I don't know. Side by side? 364 00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:26,396 Head to toe? 365 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:29,066 Bury you straight down like a couple of tent poles? 366 00:18:34,404 --> 00:18:36,573 Tell me more about this wall. 367 00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:39,827 [end bumper music playing] 368 00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:44,748 [closing theme music playing] 369 00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:51,880 ♪ Leanne ♪ 370 00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:13,902 ♪ Leanne ♪