"Austin" Episode #2.3

1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:02,600 But...do I really need an agent, though? 2 00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:03,680 Yes! Yes! 3 00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:05,640 Austin, your book... 4 00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:07,000 ..is sensational. 5 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,120 It's not OK to have a crush on your agent, is it? 6 00:00:09,120 --> 00:00:11,080 Absolutely fine until about 10 years ago. 7 00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:12,880 So how are we doing? Have we got a deal? 8 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:15,680 I think there was one company that wanted to do live-action. 9 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:18,240 Yeah, Australians. Oh, God. Heidi. 10 00:00:18,240 --> 00:00:21,920 "The Australian producers are calling us tonight." 11 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:24,040 We want to buy your show. 12 00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:31,760 "Hi. This is Austin. 13 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:35,400 "Would you care to escort me to a restaurant of your choosing? 14 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:36,440 "Just bear in mind, 15 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:40,160 "I don't like spicy food or intrusive background music." 16 00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:42,000 No. No. 17 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,160 Hmm... 18 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:46,520 "Do you like riverboat cruises?" 19 00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:48,080 "Hey. Do you like fun?" 20 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:49,840 Oh, come on! Who says that? 21 00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:53,040 "I would like to build you a glass palace, deep in a forest 22 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,960 "and away from prying human eyes." 23 00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:57,920 Nah, that's too creepy. 24 00:00:57,920 --> 00:00:59,800 "Hey. This is Austin. 25 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:02,800 "I was wondering if you might like to go to dinner with me." 26 00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:04,600 Yep. That is the one. 27 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,720 Wouldn't you say, Mr Sprinkles? 28 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:14,074 Do you want subtitles for any video? -=[ ai.OpenSubtitles.com ]=- 29 00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:28,600 (RECIPIENT'S PHONE RINGS) 30 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:31,760 Hi. Heidi. 31 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:34,600 I've been thinking about this, um, TV adaptation. 32 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:39,080 They don't want Julian involved, and, obviously, I'm devastated about that. 33 00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:41,160 But I was just thinking, 34 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:43,360 you know, on the other hand, 35 00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:45,320 what is it actually to do with him? 36 00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:48,960 I mean, it's a visual medium, and I am the visual. 37 00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:50,520 I am the business when it comes to the business. 38 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:52,360 I...I am the whiz vis. 39 00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:55,240 (SIGHS) While I appreciate that you're the vis whiz, 40 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:58,000 he's the 50% rights holder, so we need to get his signature on this. 41 00:01:58,000 --> 00:01:59,960 Yeah, but...but... that's absolutely no problem, 42 00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:02,480 because I have been doing that for years. 43 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:04,440 He hasn't signed a birthday card since 2007. 44 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:05,440 This is a bit different. 45 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:08,320 He's not gonna forget handing over international TV rights. 46 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:10,360 You know, you need to get his agreement. 47 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:11,520 Do I, though? 48 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:13,000 Really. 49 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,800 Bollocks. 50 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:16,720 Hey, Julian. JULIAN: Mmm. 51 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,720 Julian. I've been thinking about this TV adaptation. 52 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:23,040 I think it would be so amazing if we could make it happen. 53 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:24,920 What time is it? Quarter to eight. 54 00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:28,320 The curtains are very thin in the studio. 55 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:32,280 Do you want a cup of tea? Mmm, yeah. I'd love one. 56 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:34,000 I left some water in the kettle. 57 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,600 So did you hear what I was saying? 58 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,960 I just think this TV adaptation, I...I think we should do it. 59 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:41,640 Oh. No. I think that'd be selling Big Bear down the river. Don't you? 60 00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:43,640 I mean, we've always said we could never do justice 61 00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:45,480 to the magic of your illustrations 62 00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:46,960 with live-action. 63 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:50,280 Yeah, but I've just got this gut feeling that this time, 64 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:52,000 maybe we could. 65 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:54,480 You're kidding me, aren't you? It's a man in a furry suit. 66 00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:58,760 Yeah. OK. I get you. 67 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,960 But I do think we need to be pragmatic, Julian. 68 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,520 I mean, Florence is gonna want a deposit on a flat soon, and... 69 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:05,480 ..the front of the house needs repointing. 70 00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:09,520 My highlights aren't cheap, and I really, really want a puppy. 71 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:12,000 (SIGHS) OK. (URINATES) 72 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,240 Yeah. I'll consider it. 73 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:18,000 And, hey... 74 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,120 ..if you've got any plans for this evening, 75 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:23,440 I suggest you cancel them. 76 00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:24,440 Why? 77 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:28,240 Because I have booked us a restaurant. 78 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:29,680 Oh? What's this in aid of? 79 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:30,680 Romance. 80 00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:33,640 I mean, if we're gonna, you know, we need to spend some time together. 81 00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:37,840 Just you and me, good food, candlelight, wine flowing. 82 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:39,200 Actually, can you stop urinating 83 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:41,280 while I'm trying to reignite our love-life? 84 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:42,280 Once you pop, you can't stop. 85 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:44,560 Hm. Hang on. Little bit more. 86 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:46,320 Can you wipe the seat? 87 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:49,320 Anyway, the best bit is that I have managed to book 88 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:52,080 the restaurant we used to go to when we were first going out. 89 00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:53,360 Le Petit Cornichon? 90 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:56,160 Oh, no, no, no. They closed that down years ago. Yeah. 91 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:58,120 I remember freaking out that the area had peaked. 92 00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:01,600 Yes, but they have opened another one on the same spot. 93 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:03,560 What do you say? I'd say it sounds pretty good. 94 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:04,920 Fantastic. OK. 95 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:07,280 And...and we're gonna say yes to the TV thing as well, yeah? 96 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:09,400 No. No. I think we've got to be brave. 97 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,080 I mean, they've made it really clear they don't want me involved. 98 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:13,640 Oh, yeah. 99 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:15,600 Yeah, they did say that, didn't they? Yeah. 100 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:17,640 We've always said we're a team. It's both of us or neither. 101 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:18,640 No pair... 102 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:19,680 No Bear. ..no Bear. 103 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:23,320 Yeah, we have said that, haven't we, and it does rhyme. 104 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:25,040 Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks, bollocks. 105 00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:28,680 (DOORBELL RINGS) Just getting in the shower, Dad. 106 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:30,720 Yep. Roger that. 107 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:35,640 Hi. 108 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:37,680 Oh, wow. 109 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:39,600 Could you sign this, please? Yeah. 110 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:43,320 Austin! 111 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,280 Very special moment! 112 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,000 Oh! 113 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,080 (CUTS TAPE) 114 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:52,120 (LAUGHS) Wow! 115 00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:54,160 Oh, my... What? 116 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:55,680 No. 117 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:58,640 No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 118 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:09,240 (SHOWER RUNS) AUSTIN: Dad, did you say something? 119 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:12,200 Uh, it was just to say be careful with the peppermint shower gel, 120 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:13,200 on your orifices. 121 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:14,760 Uh, stronger than it smells. 122 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,160 AUSTIN: Bit late for coulda, shoulda, Dad. 123 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:23,000 Oh! Austin's book. 124 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,320 Oh, I wouldn't have gone with teal. 125 00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:26,240 Though I suppose it IS this century's lime. 126 00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:27,720 No, not that. Look! 127 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:29,000 The title! They've changed it! 128 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,840 "The Autistic Guide to Britain". 129 00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:32,200 'Autistic'! 130 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:34,000 Crass. Reductive. 131 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,240 You know, it's meant to be Austin's Guide to Britain. 132 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:38,000 Oh. He's more than a diagnosis. 133 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,400 I'm really offended on Austin's behalf. 134 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:41,240 Are you? Are you offended on Austin's behalf? 135 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:43,520 Or are you offended on your OWN behalf? 136 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:44,680 Well, both, because it's the same! 137 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:46,200 I'm part of the community, as his father. 138 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:47,240 I mean... 139 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:48,520 ..you don't understand what it's like 140 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:50,680 being a carer for a neurodivergent person. 141 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:53,320 No? Because sometimes I feel like I do. 142 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,360 Yeah. Anyway, I'm going straight to the publisher's. 143 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:57,880 Gonna have a very stern word. 144 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:00,160 I might even wear that leather jacket I own, actually. 145 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,560 No, I gave that to Oxfam. Oh, right. 146 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:02,600 Well, anyway... 147 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:04,160 ..I am gonna give them a piece of my mind. 148 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:07,000 I mean, come on, guys! Sort it out! 149 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,760 Don't you think you ought to talk about it with Austin first? 150 00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:13,360 What?! No! He can't know about this. He'll be crushed! 151 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:15,720 I've got to work in the shadows on this one, you know. 152 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:18,160 No gratitude, no glory. 153 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:19,960 (SIGHS) 154 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:24,360 I just want my son to live with a tiny bit of dignity. 155 00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:28,000 Have you moved my AnuSol? 156 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,840 No? 157 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:36,880 Morning! Morning, Dad. 158 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:39,880 Good morning, Austin. 159 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:41,760 Morning, Ingrid. 160 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:45,040 Dad, I know we've discussed it, but.. 161 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,320 ..I'm thinking about asking Greta out. 162 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:48,440 Ah. Right. Oh. 163 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:50,600 Well...I think there might be a bit of an issue there. 164 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:51,720 Why is that? 165 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:54,040 Well, I don't know if you've ever heard the phrase 166 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:55,960 "Don't shit on your own doorstep." 167 00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:57,720 Welcome to the Hartswood breakfast table. 168 00:06:57,720 --> 00:06:59,800 No. Why is that even a phrase? 169 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,680 And also, isn't that a clear given? 170 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:03,920 Don't do that on ANY doorstep. 171 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:05,560 Well, what it means, Austin... Thanks, Dad. 172 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:06,800 ..is that... 173 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:08,680 ..people don't generally think it's a very good idea 174 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:10,960 to mix business and pleasure. 175 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:13,960 But what about you two? You're married. You work together. 176 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:15,680 JULIAN: Yeah, but the romance came first. 177 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:16,960 Then we started working together. 178 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:18,760 And so ended the romance. 179 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:19,880 But what if Greta's the one 180 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:23,240 and it's our destiny to get married and be together forever? 181 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:26,680 That beats being in less than optimal circumstances, right? 182 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:27,680 The thing is... 183 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:29,520 AUSTIN: I already have a list of names 184 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:32,120 of the babies I imagine us having together. 185 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:33,600 And I've already reached triple figures. 186 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:36,000 OK, I think it IS probably alright to ask Greta out, 187 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:39,680 but I strongly feel that you should delete that list. 188 00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:42,920 Yeah. Maybe save the baby names for date five or six. 189 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:44,000 Oh, Austin, while I remember, 190 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,360 uh, Julian and I are going to be out tonight. 191 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:47,680 Why? 192 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:51,520 I'm taking Julian for a romantic date. 193 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:52,920 Where? 194 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:54,200 The newish restaurant. JULIAN: Yeah. 195 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:56,760 In between the exorbitant candle shop and Waitrose. 196 00:07:56,760 --> 00:07:58,520 Sounds intriguing. 197 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,400 I'm gonna take this to my quarters. 198 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:04,000 INGRID: Mmm. 199 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:07,880 You've just done one of those, have you? 200 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:09,040 Do you want some? 201 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,680 Well, I...I WOULD quite like some. Yes, please. 202 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:13,040 Couple more eggs in the box. 203 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:15,000 So Austin is crushing again. 204 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,520 I bet this is gonna go the way of Lucy the journalist. 205 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:19,240 Which you were delighted about. 206 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:22,240 I was not. I'm just worried about him, that's all. 207 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,920 Well, he needs to get used to rejection, I suppose. 208 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:27,240 Why does he? She might say yes. 209 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,640 Oh, please. 210 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:29,720 Why not? 211 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:32,600 He's a very...amiable young man. 212 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:33,760 Why shouldn't she? Oh, I see. 213 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,640 You're doing that, are you? OK. 214 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:38,120 If Greta says no, 215 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:40,400 you agree to the fish smoker. 216 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:42,080 Oh, don't be so childish. Yeah, I thought so. 217 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:56,040 Monica's just finishing up a meeting. 218 00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:58,360 Did you want a tea or a coffee? I don't want anything, thank you. 219 00:08:58,360 --> 00:08:59,360 Just justice. 220 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:01,680 Actually, do you have chamomile? 221 00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:04,040 We don't. Anything decaf? 222 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:05,040 Water? 223 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:06,480 OK, fine. 224 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:07,880 Uh, white piccolo. 225 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,360 On oat milk. 226 00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:17,960 Come. 227 00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:21,280 Is there a problem, Julian? 228 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:25,160 The problem, Monica, is that you have changed the title of our book 229 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:26,840 without so much as telling us. 230 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:30,200 I would remind you, we have a contract. 231 00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:33,800 Yeah, that's not an executed copy, actually. 232 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,720 I just printed it so I had something to wave at you. 233 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:37,440 Yes, and the toner ran out on page six. 234 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:39,160 And the point is, 235 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:40,560 I am the original publisher, 236 00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:44,320 and as my licensee, you have to give me meaningful consultation. 237 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:46,000 Right. And did we do that? No! 238 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,240 Oh. 239 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,440 Well, let me redress that immediately. 240 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:53,440 Julian, what do you think of the new title? 241 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:55,040 (SIGHS) Well, I...I...I don't like it. 242 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,320 OK. I hear you. 243 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,400 But I still do. 244 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:00,720 How's that? 245 00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:02,000 Monica... 246 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,080 ..you and I have a responsibility to Austin, 247 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:07,440 and using 'Autistic' in the title of his book is reductive labelling. 248 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:08,640 I mean, would you put out a book by me 249 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:11,280 called A Middle-Aged White Man's Guide to Britain? 250 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:13,600 Not by YOU, no. God, no. (LAUGHS) 251 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:16,040 But we would by Jeremy Clarkson. Yeah. 252 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:17,640 I could see that selling, actually. Yep. 253 00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:20,080 But the point is, unless you revert to the original title, 254 00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:23,720 you give me no option but to seek counsel and take legal recourse. 255 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:25,760 Julian, is this because we're not doing more Big Bear? 256 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:26,760 No. 257 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,680 Is it because we wouldn't publish your memoirs? 258 00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:30,000 Well, that's your loss, isn't it? Uh... 259 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,400 Is that still a no, by the way? Yes. 260 00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:35,040 Yes to my memoirs? Yes, it's a no. 261 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:36,200 Phillipe! 262 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,200 PHILLIPE: Oui? 263 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:47,600 That's not a piccolo. 264 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:50,960 (SIGHS) 265 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:54,280 Here goes nothing. (SIGHS) 266 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:57,880 Hello, Greta? (SIGHS) 267 00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:00,680 It's Austin Hogan. Oh. Hi, Austin Hogan. (LAUGHS) 268 00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:02,720 Sorry, I'm...I'm so hungover. 269 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:04,640 I went to, um, pub trivia last night, 270 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:05,680 and it's hosted by drag queens. 271 00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:07,080 It just gets mental. (LAUGHS) 272 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,640 Actually, Greta, I was calling to say... 273 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:12,240 ..more...more like ask... 274 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:15,520 ..I was wondering if you might like to go to dinner with me. 275 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:17,520 Oh, yeah. I've been meaning to ask you, actually. 276 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:18,600 Really?! GRETA: Yeah. 277 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:20,920 I mean, we'd normally do lunch, but, yeah, dinner could work. 278 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:22,360 How about tonight? GRETA: Tonight? 279 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:24,200 I'm supposed to be seeing Grayson Perry 280 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,800 give a talk about artists' gardens. 281 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:27,840 (LAUGHS) 282 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:30,720 Sod that. Yeah, sure. Why not? Great! 283 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:33,680 Oh. 284 00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:37,560 (PHONE RINGS) 285 00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:38,640 Yep. 286 00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:40,360 Full details to follow. 287 00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:45,280 So, big news. I asked a girl out to dinner and she said yes. 288 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:47,080 MEL: That's fantastic, love. 289 00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:49,120 Working the old Hogan charm, eh? 290 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:51,560 Why do you look so concerned, sweetheart? 291 00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:54,280 Because I realised, despite my extensive planning, 292 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:57,640 I never actually referred to it as a date, only dinner. 293 00:11:57,640 --> 00:12:02,200 So now I'm wondering if she thinks of it as a friend date or a date date. 294 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,320 Try not to worry. Just see what happens. 295 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:07,080 You know, ride the wave of uncertainty. 296 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:10,320 Riding the wave of uncertainty sounds like hell on earth, Mum. 297 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:13,200 Austin, it's your grandad. Can you hear me? 298 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:14,640 Yes, obviously. 299 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:16,080 I want to talk to you about 300 00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:19,160 the ungovernable power of sexual attraction. 301 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:20,600 Oh. Strap in. 302 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,680 BILL: We have no control over these things. 303 00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:25,800 We don't know where or when it'll strike. 304 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,440 But you sure as hell know when it has. 305 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:32,240 It happened to me once in a tackle shop north of Googong Dam. 306 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:33,640 Undeniable. 307 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:36,520 RV driver. Six foot tall at least. 308 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:40,080 Was this a man or a woman? Oh, it was a woman. 309 00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:42,160 My God, was it a woman. 310 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:44,960 Uh, if it was a man, I...I... I would have said. 311 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:46,480 I mean, that's my whole point. 312 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:49,280 We're at the mercy of mysterious forces. 313 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:51,160 MEL: Just try and go with the flow, love. 314 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:52,760 If you want to, you CAN call me 315 00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:55,760 and just quietly put your phone on the table so I can hear everything. 316 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:56,960 AUSTIN: No, Mum. 317 00:12:56,960 --> 00:12:58,640 That won't be necessary. 318 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:00,160 Good luck, mate. 319 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:01,960 Thanks, Grandad. 320 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:03,080 (TRIMMER BUZZES) You ready? 321 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:04,720 Uh, two minutes. 322 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,600 Uh...actually four minutes. 323 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:07,920 Uh, I need to shave my ears. 324 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:09,840 Taxi's gonna be here in one. 325 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:12,440 Why is Austin wearing a tux? 'Cause he's got a date. 326 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:14,520 Greta said yes. Did she? 327 00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:15,880 Mm-hm. OK. 328 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:17,360 Yeah. Good. 329 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:19,520 That means no fish smoker. 330 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:20,520 Pew! 331 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:22,000 Well, that wasn't technically the bet. 332 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,960 Yes, it was. (TRIMMER BUZZES) 333 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:29,920 Well, that works. 334 00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:33,560 I mean, I'd say that anyway, even if it didn't, but, uh, 335 00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:35,000 in this case... 336 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,000 ..I like it. 337 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,000 Be an enigma. Yep. The ladies love that. 338 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,960 That's why I'm wearing the suit but without the tie. 339 00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:43,240 Nope, nope. I can't do this. 340 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:46,200 So, uh, where are you meeting Greta? 341 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:47,480 Oh, wow! Is that what you're wearing? 342 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:49,840 At the restaurant. Yes. What's wrong with it? 343 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:52,160 No, I like it. Sexy but, uh... 344 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:53,920 Actually, I'm just gonna stick with 'sexy'. 345 00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:55,200 Very wise. 346 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:57,400 So, Austin, where are you going? Can we give you a lift? 347 00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:58,920 Turning up for a date with your dad and his wife 348 00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:02,040 is not exactly the image that I want to project. 349 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:03,680 Fair enough. OK? 350 00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:05,520 Well, good luck. We'll be rooting for you. 351 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,000 Thanks, Stepmum. 352 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:14,160 Oh. 353 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:16,200 Ai-yi-yi. 354 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,040 Thank you. 355 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:21,760 (LAUGHTER AND INDISTINCT CHATTER) 356 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:24,840 Wow. 357 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:27,640 It's...it's quite different, isn't it? 358 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:29,360 (LAUGHS) Yeah. 359 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,080 Oh. Wait a minute. 360 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:35,320 Austin? 361 00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:36,320 What are you doing here? 362 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:38,400 You haven't booked the same restaurant as us, have you? 363 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:41,280 Uh, yeah. You said it was romantic. INGRID: No. 364 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:44,840 It's romantic for us, because we used to come here when we first met. 365 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:48,800 You used to come to Braai Life South African Barbecue and Vibes? 366 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,920 Well, obviously, I haven't been here for a while. 367 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:52,560 Ingrid! Look! So... 368 00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:54,760 JULIAN: It's the team from the estate agent's on the corner. 369 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:56,520 Oh - let's hope they start giving speeches 370 00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:59,000 and handing each other sales awards, eh? 371 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:02,040 Hi. Are you ready to live your braai life? 372 00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:04,240 I understand nothing of what you just asked. 373 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,120 (LAUGHS) Your table's ready. 374 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:07,800 Ah. Thank you. 375 00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:10,200 First come, first served. OK. 376 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:11,480 But, I mean, it's still nice, isn't it? 377 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:12,480 It's really nice. 378 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:13,480 Yeah. Yeah. 379 00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:18,120 I always think it's a good sign when you see a lot of South Africans... 380 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:19,480 Hello. ..in a South African restaurant. 381 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,680 Hi. Hi. Is it a special evening? 382 00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:22,920 Yes, it is. No. Oh. 383 00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:24,720 Oh. No. Apparently. Yes. No. 384 00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:25,880 (ALL LAUGH) Not really sure. 385 00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:27,680 INGRID: No. Yeah. Well, here are your menus. 386 00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:28,680 Thank you. 387 00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:31,160 I'm afraid that the double Durban burgers are off for tonight, 388 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:33,840 but we do have a really nice ostrich steak fresh off the plane. 389 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:35,560 You flew the ostriches over? 390 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:38,480 They can't fly themselves, can they? (LAUGHS) 391 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,960 OK, could we please have... 392 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:44,720 ..a bottle of your finest red wine and... 393 00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:45,880 Very nice. 394 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:47,360 ..some... 395 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:48,640 ..biltong for the table? 396 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:49,760 100%. Yeah. 397 00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:51,120 I mean, nothing says date night like 398 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:54,080 losing a filling on a strip of leathery bushmeat. (LAUGHS) 399 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,280 No? 400 00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:58,600 Well, I'm sorry it's not Le Petit Cornichon. 401 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:01,440 Oh, no, it's really nice. It's really nice. 402 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:02,920 Erm... 403 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,440 ..look, I know this is bound to come up at some point, so... 404 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:07,280 ..we may as well deal with it now, 405 00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:08,440 and that is... 406 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:12,720 ..I really don't want us to say yes to the Big Bear TV series. 407 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:17,840 I...I wasn't even thinking about that tonight. 408 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:20,240 Cool. (BOTH LAUGH) 409 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:21,480 God. 410 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:22,840 Look at Austin all alone. 411 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,360 He looks like he's just been sacked by an orchestra. 412 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,560 I hope she's not gonna stand him up. 413 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:29,440 Oh. Incoming. 414 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,320 I'm meeting someone. INGRID: Oh, thank God. 415 00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:35,800 Thought we were gonna have to invite him here to make a sympathy trio. 416 00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:37,960 Look, let's turn and wave at him. He'll hate that. 417 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:39,040 Sorry I'm late. 418 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:41,880 Had to stay at work to shout at someone. 419 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:43,640 Love this, by the way. Thank you. 420 00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:46,160 Is that Julian? Yep, it is. 421 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:47,160 GRETA: Explain, please. 422 00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:48,800 AUSTIN: Don't feel the need to wave back. 423 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:52,280 I specifically told them not to acknowledge me. 424 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:54,880 Well, they're acknowledging you, aren't they? 425 00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:56,120 Yeah, clearly. 426 00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:58,520 Right. 427 00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:01,000 Do you drink wine? 428 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:04,120 I'm afraid not. OK. 429 00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:05,120 Thank you. Yes. Lovely. 430 00:17:05,120 --> 00:17:06,120 Yes. Thank you. Yep. 431 00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:07,160 Great. (LAUGHS) 432 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,160 OK. 433 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:11,400 Correctly identified the oenophile amongst the couple. 434 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,000 Means "wine lover". (SNIFFS) 435 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:15,720 Mmm! 436 00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:17,160 That's quite nice, actually. 437 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:18,800 What do you mean, 'actually'? 438 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:21,720 Uh, just that it's quite nice. Erm... 439 00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:23,400 (LAUGHS) 440 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:24,880 (PUTS BOTTLE DOWN) 441 00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:27,680 Whew! Just dodged a 5-minute lecture on New World wines. 442 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:28,680 OK. 443 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:30,320 So, erm... 444 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,360 ..cards on the table. 445 00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:36,360 I HAVE been thinking about this... TV offer. 446 00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:39,240 I thought we were gonna say no. Yes. No pair, no Bear. 447 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,200 Erm, but... 448 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:44,080 ..when we agreed that, in the past, 449 00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:45,960 things were different. 450 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:49,280 Neither of us had publicly endorsed a Nazi. 451 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:51,480 No, endorsed a Nazi on a non-Nazi point. 452 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:55,720 Also, he was only a Neo-Nazi, so sort of a, you know, diluted Nazi. 453 00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:57,080 But if things were the other way round, 454 00:17:57,080 --> 00:18:00,480 if I had agreed with a Nazi, 455 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:03,080 I would be perfectly happy with you to take Big Bear forward, 456 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:05,200 you know, with limited involvement from me. 457 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,800 Oh, you would, would you? Yeah, yeah. I would. I'm not just saying that. 458 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,160 Because you're a better person than me? 459 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:10,360 No! Just... 460 00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:12,240 Don't twist it to make me sound... 461 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:14,200 Trojan Horse dinner. ..mean. 462 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,200 What?! That's what this is. Yeah? 463 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,560 All the little Greek guys are climbing out now, aren't they? 464 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:21,480 So, are you excited about your book launch? 465 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:22,920 Yes, I am. Not long now. 466 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:23,920 I know. Oh, hey. 467 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,240 Did you like the advance copies? Advance copies? 468 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:27,800 I got an email saying they'd been delivered. 469 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:29,800 I hope they didn't go to Geoffrey next door. 470 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,040 Not much that goes in there comes out. 471 00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:33,960 I'm sure. 472 00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:35,400 Yes. Here we go. 473 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,040 Julian signed for them. 474 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:40,600 So the deliveryman knows and my dad knows. 475 00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:44,280 That makes this a conspiracy. Why do you not trust me?! 476 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:46,680 Shh! Don't say that. 477 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:47,960 Do that. 478 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,880 People will think I'm an overbearing husband. 479 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:53,040 You are - ARE - an overbearing husband. 480 00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:54,640 Do you think they're alright? 481 00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:56,680 They don't seem to be living the braai life. 482 00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:57,720 I've just figured it out. 483 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:01,760 You want to do this TV series BECAUSE I won't be involved. 484 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:03,200 Checkmate. 485 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,040 Oh! Oh! Oh, my God! 486 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:08,360 That chakalaka, it's... Arggh! That is so hot! 487 00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:10,400 Oh! 488 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,040 GRETA: This was a good choice, Austin. 489 00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:14,720 Outside the box. Very you. 490 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:15,960 Thanks, Greta. (LAUGHS) 491 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:17,840 Also, before you go, I wanted to ask you, 492 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:20,160 because I'm not very good at leaning into uncertainty. 493 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,160 Mmm. 494 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,400 Was this a friend date or a date date? 495 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:25,280 A what what? A date?! 496 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:27,880 Oh, because you thought... 497 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:29,600 Oh, bless you. 498 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:31,600 God, you're so vulnerable. 499 00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:32,760 I love it. 500 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:38,120 I actually kind of saw it as more of a...a meeting... 501 00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:39,200 ..date. 502 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:41,160 A meeting date. 503 00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:42,160 That's a category? 504 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:44,320 Well, we can...write our own rules. 505 00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:45,320 Greta? 506 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:46,920 Could you ever see us 507 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:48,720 progressing to a date date? 508 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:52,280 I...I don't think it's super-likely. 509 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:54,880 Oh. But you know what they say. 510 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:56,840 Never say never. Hmm. 511 00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:00,960 I'll see you at the book launch. 512 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:04,000 (SIGHS) 513 00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:08,120 Well... 514 00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:09,360 ..that was lovely. 515 00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:10,480 Yeah. Very nice. 516 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:13,280 Definitely a lot of different ways to eat a cow. 517 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,400 My pleasure. (LAUGHS) 518 00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:18,680 Did you give 'em a tip? 519 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:20,040 Yeah. 520 00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:22,680 10% times two. 521 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,600 20%?! Wow. 522 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:27,640 No wonder she's living the braai life. She's earning more than I am. 523 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,600 That's not hard. 524 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,120 (SIGHS) 525 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:38,920 Hey. Hey. 526 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:40,200 How was your date? 527 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,800 Actually, the date seemed more like a business meeting. 528 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,480 Yeah. Mine too, actually. (SIGHS) 529 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:46,040 Oh. INGRID: Sorry. 530 00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:47,040 Um... 531 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:49,640 ..meal's made me desperate for vitamins. 532 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:52,520 Ha! 533 00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:56,960 Hmm! That's better. 534 00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,760 By the way, Dad, where are the advance copies of my book? 535 00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:01,640 Advance copies? I don't think we've had any yet. 536 00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:04,520 Greta said they'd been delivered. W-where? 537 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:07,600 Here! The house in which we sit and stand. 538 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,040 Have they? 539 00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:10,840 Greta said you signed for them. 540 00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:13,440 Signed for them? INRID: Give it up, Julian. 541 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,120 (SIGHS) 542 00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:18,920 Look, the reason I didn't say anything is, erm...is that 543 00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:20,640 they've...they've changed the title. 544 00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:26,920 This is all wrong. 545 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:28,960 I know. I know. 546 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:32,400 It should be An Autistic Guide to Britain. 547 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:33,400 Well, no. 548 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,240 Surely it should be our original title - Austin's Guide to Britain. 549 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:37,720 That's YOUR title, Dad. 550 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:40,120 I wanted to call it Game of Scones. 551 00:21:40,120 --> 00:21:43,160 But then you said it was a bit, and I quote, 552 00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:44,200 "end-of-the-pier". 553 00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,800 I had no idea what that meant. 554 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:48,880 You explained it to me for about 15 minutes 555 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:50,120 and I still didn't know what it meant. 556 00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:52,640 Still agreed. I was exhausted. 557 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:55,240 And then I suggested Doing Britain on the Spectrum. 558 00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:57,000 Yeah, I don't like 'Doing' Britain. 559 00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:00,720 You know. I think...Britain should reveal her treasures to us. 560 00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:03,520 AUSTIN: So then you suggested Austin's Guide to Britain. 561 00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:04,960 Does what it says on the tin. 562 00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:07,760 I actually prefer An Autistic Guide to Britain. 563 00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,160 What, even though it's got 'Autistic' in the title? 564 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:11,600 Why would that be a problem? 565 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,120 Well, you know. 566 00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:16,360 Almost like you should have had this conversation before. 567 00:22:16,360 --> 00:22:18,640 Oh, brother. (SIGHS) 568 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:22,800 After consulting with my client... 569 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,400 By which you mean your son? Yes. 570 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:26,760 After consulting with him, our preferred title is 571 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:28,560 An Autistic Guide to Britain. 572 00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:30,320 Not Austin's Guide to Britain? Correct. 573 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:32,240 Which we've now paid a designer to change on the cover 574 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:33,920 and all promotional material? 575 00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:34,920 Send me the bill. (SIGHS) 576 00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:36,160 Oh, yes - uh, while I'm here, 577 00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,680 a friend read my memoirs, and I'm not gonna say his name, 578 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:40,480 'cause I haven't asked his permission, but, uh... 579 00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:43,960 ..let's just say you know of him and his dark materials. 580 00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:45,560 (MOUTHS) 581 00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:48,800 Anyway, he said he found them to be deeply revealing. 582 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,160 Still a no, Julian. 583 00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:53,080 They turned down the Beatles, you know. 584 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,880 (GENTLE PIANO MUSIC) 585 00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:58,800 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 586 00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:05,560 AUSTIN: Hi, Mum. Hi, Grandad. 587 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:07,640 I'm at the book launch in the UK. 588 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:11,120 This is a copy of my book, for display purposes only. 589 00:23:11,120 --> 00:23:12,960 Oh, love, it looks great. 590 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:15,440 I always felt I had a book in me myself. 591 00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:17,520 An erotic thriller, 592 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:19,520 set in the world of civil engineering. 593 00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:22,920 These are the snacks. I had full sign-off on these. 594 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:25,720 These Cheezels had to be shipped in specially. 595 00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:30,240 A lady architect and a male welder team up to build a new velodrome. 596 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:32,080 And sparks fly. 597 00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:33,320 This is nice. Yeah. 598 00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:35,800 Sort of like a Wotsit got it on with a Hula Hoop. 599 00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:37,360 No, I mean the event. Mmm. 600 00:23:37,360 --> 00:23:40,160 INGRID: Look. You can tell Austin's happy. He's listing. 601 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:42,000 Mmm. This is really nice, Julian. 602 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:43,640 Well done. Thank you. 603 00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:46,480 I was thinking about earlier, the, um... 604 00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:48,160 ..TV adaptation thing. 605 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,880 Yeah. You know, we could talk about that again here. 606 00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:54,200 Or we could not ruin Austin's launch party. 607 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:56,560 No, no. I was just gonna say, you know, I think you're right. 608 00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,120 I mean, just 'cause they don't want me involved 609 00:23:58,120 --> 00:23:59,440 doesn't mean you shouldn't be. 610 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:00,840 Mmm. 611 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:02,640 Yeah. Do you mean that, though? 612 00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:04,320 I trust you. Do you? 613 00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:07,240 So you're not plotting on becoming an evil puppetmaster 614 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:09,320 who's going to control the show through me? 615 00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:10,760 I'm not gonna turn evil puppetmaster. 616 00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:13,040 I mean, not unless you want me to. 617 00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:15,120 I don't. Hm. 618 00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:16,840 Just be there if you need me. 619 00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:18,040 Which I won't. OK. 620 00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:20,000 Yeah. 621 00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:21,640 Well, if you mean that, 622 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:24,040 I really appreciate it, because, you know, I just...I really feel 623 00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:26,560 that I can do a mind-blowing job on this. 624 00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:29,160 I know you can. (LAUGHS) 625 00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:31,480 Shall we go and check in on Austin? Mmm. 626 00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:37,080 Austin, congratulations! Thanks. 627 00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:40,360 Welcome to the published authors club. 628 00:24:40,360 --> 00:24:42,120 Yeah. Mutual smug-gasm. 629 00:24:42,120 --> 00:24:43,240 That's inappropriate. 630 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:46,080 So...how do you feel? 631 00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:49,160 Bien. Muy bien. Gracias, Ingrid. 632 00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:50,680 Quite ecstatic, actually. Yeah? 633 00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:53,280 But...I'm not gonna let fame change me. 634 00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:55,800 I'm gonna keep my feet firmly on the ground. 635 00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:58,680 Oh, Austin. This book is very unlikely to make you famous. 636 00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:01,440 And if it does bring a little bit of recognition over time, 637 00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:03,240 it's more sort of Radio 4 famous, 638 00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:05,680 rather than...bodyguards. 639 00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:08,400 No screaming mobs, but an oldish lady might say something nice to you 640 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,000 in Dulwich Picture Gallery. 641 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:11,920 Oh. Austin. Julian. Hi. 642 00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:14,200 Austin, have you seen? Seen what? 643 00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:16,960 Billie Piper has posted about your book. 644 00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:18,880 Someone sent her an advance copy. 645 00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:19,880 You're welcome. 646 00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:21,880 It's already had nearly a million views. 647 00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:24,240 (LAUGHS) Ker-ching! 648 00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:26,280 See? Stick with me, Austin. 649 00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:28,360 We're going to the moon. 650 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:43,120 You're in Australia now. Hm? This is their turf. 651 00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:44,800 You've got to bring something to the table. 652 00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:46,400 I like Australians. I think they're nice. 653 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:49,280 I think they're a magical porridge pot of positivity. 654 00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:50,960 I have no idea who that is. 655 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:52,680 I'm Hayley. I'm your assistant. 656 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:55,320 I assume your favourite Doctor is David Tennant? 657 00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:56,520 You assume right. 658 00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:59,960 This is Rodger, our magnificent Big Bear. 659 00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:02,320 Yay! Oh! Hello. 660 00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:03,960 Heh-hey! Ah! 661 00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:05,680 Greta says I need to change how I present to the world 662 00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:07,400 in order to sell books. 663 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:09,920 While I miss my old self, I AM enjoying kombucha. 664 00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:10,920 Great! 665 00:26:11,305 --> 00:27:11,861 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org