"Austin" Episode #2.5

1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,280 I am going to go and do a pastry run. 2 00:00:03,280 --> 00:00:05,640 Do you need assistance with the pains au chocolate? 3 00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:07,200 This is my boyfriend, Manus. 4 00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:08,720 So if I was a Hollywood producer 5 00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:10,800 looking to cast the next action hero, 6 00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:14,960 I might think twice before going for the guy in a bear suit. 7 00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:16,360 He's gone. Who? 8 00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:18,640 Rodger. He's pulled out of the show. 9 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:21,840 The network have frozen the budget until we find a replacement. 10 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:25,480 Greta, I would like to go to Enigma. Ooh. 11 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:26,960 And you shall. 12 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,880 Stick with me, Austin. This is just the beginning. 13 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:37,074 Do you want subtitles for any video? -=[ ai.OpenSubtitles.com ]=- 14 00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:49,120 Here he is. Austin! Austin! 15 00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:52,760 (CHEERING) 16 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:55,440 (WHISTLES) Whoo! 17 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,120 (CLEARS THROAT) Hello, Canberra. 18 00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:01,800 Thank you for coming to this press conference for my book. 19 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:03,240 First question. 20 00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:04,680 Yes, you with the hand. 21 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:07,600 Austin, what's the favourite place you've visited in Britain? 22 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,840 That's a stupid question and I won't answer it. 23 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,200 But if I were to answer it, 24 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:15,040 I would say Stonehenge 25 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:17,360 for its excellent visitor centre and cafe. 26 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:18,480 Austin... 27 00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:20,360 No. Don't do that. Don't do that. 28 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:23,160 I'm not going to because it's dumb. 29 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:24,520 Next. 30 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:26,640 What the jazzy Jeffs has got into Austin? 31 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:28,640 I have no idea. Are you gonna have a word? 32 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:30,840 I don't know, Dad. I've been thinking, 33 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,080 I mean, we went all the way to Britain to spy on Austin, 34 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:35,040 and I was mortified when he rumbled us. 35 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:37,680 Yeah, that was a bit weird, in retrospect. 36 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:39,520 Maybe I should stop interfering. 37 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:40,840 You know, for Austin's sake. 38 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:43,600 You never keep up to it. Watch me. 39 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:46,320 And if I did know, I'm disinclined to tell you. 40 00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:48,400 End of answer. Yeah. OK. Wow. 41 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,400 And that's all we've got time for. 42 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:53,400 But Austin hasn't actually answered any questions. 43 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:55,400 Well, you just have to write about that, then. 44 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:58,160 And what a bad boy Austin is. Look at him. 45 00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:00,680 Yeah. The James Dean of travel writing. 46 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:03,440 Sorry. 47 00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:07,440 That's actually broken. Yeah. So just exit quickly, please. 48 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:09,480 They need the space for Tumble Tots. 49 00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:11,000 No more questions. 50 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:13,760 Please respect his privacy. 51 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:15,920 Yeah, well, I am far too busy to worry about this 52 00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:17,800 and I am super aware it's not my job, 53 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:19,720 but what is going on with Austin? 54 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:20,960 Well, I like it. 55 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:23,080 He's got swagger, attitude. 56 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:24,720 Reminds me of Kurt Cobain 57 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:27,360 and a certain young man knocking around London in the '90s. 58 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:29,360 Yeah, because you are exactly like Kurt Cobain. 59 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:30,440 Maybe a little bit. 60 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:32,960 Did I ever tell you the most '90s thing that ever happened to me? 61 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:35,320 Yeah, you might have mentioned it. I was walking through Soho, 62 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:36,960 been up all night. (CHUCKLES) 63 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:39,040 A bit wasted, to be honest. Bit wasted, to be honest. 64 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:40,280 And walking the other way, 65 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:41,840 it was Noel Gallagher. Noel Gallagher! 66 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:43,760 So when you think about it, it was just like the... 67 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:44,920 BOTH: Oasis Album Cover. 68 00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:48,920 And he gave me this cheeky little wink like you're in the club. 69 00:02:48,920 --> 00:02:51,400 What a guy. Yeah, I love that story. 70 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:52,800 I never tire of it. 71 00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:55,120 All the plot twists and turns 72 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:58,000 and then one man winks at another man. 73 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:01,280 Mel, you're being really quiet. Yeah, just work stuff. 74 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:04,000 I got to go, you guys. I'll, um, I'll see you later. 75 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:07,960 You know, I just think Austin's... (PHONE DINGS) 76 00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:10,680 ..fallen under the spell of that fleabag Greta. 77 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:12,280 I don't like her. There, I've said it. 78 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:15,720 Ah, well, that fleabag Greta has just invited us to cocktails later 79 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:19,440 to discuss the big picture, but I guess you won't be interested. 80 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:21,440 Cocktails? Yeah. 81 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:23,760 What kind of cocktails? Pre-mix at her house or... 82 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:26,200 It's Greta, isn't it? So I imagine proper. 83 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:29,400 Yeah, well, I suppose I'd better come, hadn't I? Just for Austin. 84 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:31,320 For Austin? Yeah, yeah. What? 85 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:32,840 There you go. 86 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:34,680 You're not going to be driving, Miss Daisy. 87 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:36,920 No, I'm going to a cafe, do some writing. 88 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:39,040 Really? I mean, what are you going to be writing? 89 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:41,160 Your retired detective-turned -fossil collector 90 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:42,520 isn't making a reappearance, is he? 91 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:46,120 Jurassic Mark wants to avoid the past, but keeps digging it up. 92 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:49,000 Uh, no. I might go back to that. Here. 93 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:55,600 I can drive, I can drive. 94 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:15,760 Hello there, Mel. 95 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:20,280 I just wandered down 'cause I'm fresh out of staples. 96 00:04:20,280 --> 00:04:23,120 Really? I gave you a box of 5,000 last Wednesday. 97 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:25,640 Well, there's so many things to fasten when you're a minister. 98 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,920 I suppose I could spare you a few. 99 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:46,920 Oh, um, a colleague of mine might pop over to your place later. 100 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,800 What about? Just to ask a few questions. 101 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,400 You know, about you and your life generally. 102 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:52,560 Are they vetting me? 103 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,720 I wouldn't put it like that, Mel, but yes. Yes they are. 104 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:58,320 To see if I'm a suitable partner for a minister. 105 00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:01,400 It's a bit early for that, isn't it? Yeah, I know, I know. 106 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:03,200 But I have to think ahead. 107 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:05,840 I mean, just say there was a foreign trip to Paris planned. 108 00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:07,320 You're my plus one. 109 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:10,240 And we'd have to go through the official... What? 110 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:12,880 Are you taking me to Paris? That's a for instance. 111 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,840 I kind of wish I'd picked a different, um... 112 00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:15,880 When do we go? 113 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:17,560 There's nothing in the calendar as yet, Mel. 114 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:18,720 I'll need new shoes. 115 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,560 Uh, thank you for the staples, Miss Hogan. 116 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:22,840 Of course. 117 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:32,400 Greta, I'm concerned. 118 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:35,120 They're saying some very rude things about the press conference. 119 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:36,600 That's exactly what we want. 120 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,320 Are you sure it isn't exactly what we don't want? 121 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:42,120 It's got people talking. You have to stand out, Austin. 122 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:46,280 We're positioning you as the wild child of neurodiversity. 123 00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:49,120 You break all the rules. But I really love rules. 124 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:52,880 Can't I just break the occasional rule and give everyone prior notice? 125 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:56,160 No. All the rules. You are a rock star. 126 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:58,240 I hope I don't have to throw the TV out the window. 127 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:01,360 I was gonna watch it because they dropped a surprise episode of Bluey. 128 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,560 Well, you do whatever you want now. That's the point. 129 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:06,560 Anything I want, you say. You bet. 130 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:08,680 Though check in with me first to see if it's something 131 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:10,040 I think you actually do want to do. 132 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:11,640 Understood. Good man. 133 00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:15,440 Oh, that's awful. That is awful. 134 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:20,280 HAYLEY: Hi, Ingrid. Hi. 135 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,800 Hello. I've got your new scripts here. 136 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:26,280 Oh, amazing. Thank you. And I'm about to go do a coffee run. 137 00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:28,560 Uh-huh. Um, would you like a turmeric latte? 138 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:31,520 Um, I do love turmeric lattes, 139 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,600 but I, um, I sometimes have a herbal tea, 140 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:36,440 because if I drink too much caffeine, I lose all my self-esteem, so... 141 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:39,200 Great. OK. One latte coming up. 142 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:42,400 Oh. Hi, Hayley. 143 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:45,360 Agatha, I'm so sorry. Yeah, that's ok... You walk. 144 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:46,440 Sorry. 145 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,960 Ingrid. Hi. Agatha! 146 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,400 Look, I just had to pop by and say... 147 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,920 Yeah? ..love the rewrites. 148 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:55,960 Amazing! That new writer 149 00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,840 is an absolute revelation. 150 00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:00,240 Ah. Well done you for finding her. 151 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:02,160 Well done me. Yes. 152 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:03,200 Great. 153 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:05,880 And can I just check which of the new writers are we referring to? 154 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:07,720 Savannah Robbins. Savannah Robbins. 155 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:10,640 The only new writer. Yeah. I'm telling you right now, 156 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:12,560 I don't want to work with anyone else. 157 00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:14,560 Other writers are dead to me. Are they? 158 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:17,320 Mm. Oh. Oh. 159 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:23,600 Yes. This is what gets us a major star. 160 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:26,280 You know, I mean, when Big Bear turns to Squirrel and... 161 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:29,080 (INHALES DEEPLY) ..an says... "No pair, no bear." 162 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:32,000 Such a powerful message. 163 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,320 Yeah, it's a message I'm definitely getting. 164 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,920 Mm. I wept. Yeah, I think I might cry as well. 165 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:38,400 Yeah. You know the best bit. 166 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:42,360 She's LGBTQ+. Is she? 167 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:45,280 Yes. Under 25. You're shitting me. 168 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:46,960 Oh, I'm not shitting you. 169 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:48,240 Sorry. 170 00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:50,200 She rescues bees in her spare time. 171 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:53,640 (CHUCKLES) Because bears... 172 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,640 Bears love honey. Yes. Love honey. 173 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:57,600 How dare she be so perfect 174 00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:59,760 for our show? I know! Right! 175 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:02,400 And you found her. I found her. 176 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:06,680 Yeah. That makes you, my friend, a genius. 177 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:09,920 Yes, it does. 178 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:13,720 And I found you. So that makes me a genius. 179 00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:15,800 You see how that works? Yes. So clearly. 180 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:18,320 Yeah. (LAUGHS) 181 00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:19,760 Hayley! 182 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:29,160 JULIAN: Ah! 183 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:34,280 Wow. You look amazing. Thank you. 184 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:36,760 I tend to set the glamour bar quite low normally 185 00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:38,520 so I can hop over it when required. 186 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:39,760 Uh, negroni, please. 187 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,120 Yeah. Look at us. We scrub up pretty well, don't we? 188 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:45,120 Bet everyone thinks we're a couple. 189 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:46,520 Uh, are we, though? 190 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,240 Oh, I don't know. 191 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,120 Maybe we should go non-exclusive, 192 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:51,280 start seeing other people. 193 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:55,040 What, so I could chat up any woman in this room and you'd be cool. 194 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:57,280 Well, what about her? 195 00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,160 She's completely out of your league. 196 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:00,760 Yeah. Fair enough. Um... Thank you. 197 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:05,040 Oh, there is someone on the Big Bear team you might like. 198 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:08,120 Right. Yeah. One of the writers. 199 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:10,520 Her name is Savannah Robbins. 200 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:13,320 Yeah, sure. 201 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:17,760 Oh, hang on. You can't meet her because you ARE her. 202 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:20,880 Sorry, I don't quite follow. Julian, don't even try. 203 00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:22,480 Yes, OK. Fine. Fine! 204 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,560 Yes. She's me, I am her. We are each other. 205 00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:28,440 Yes. I've been writing scripts for Big Bear. 206 00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:29,800 What were you thinking? 207 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,960 How dare you pretend to be a woman?! 208 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:35,320 (SPEAKS FRENCH) And with a skin condition. 209 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:38,240 Which is why she couldn't come in. And rescuing bees. 210 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:39,360 Character colour. 211 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:43,040 What happens if they find out? You're gonna take me down with you. 212 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,880 This is gonna make cancellation seem like two weeks in the Seychelles. 213 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:49,120 We're going to be de-platformed into the shadow realm, Julian. 214 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:51,360 We'd have to move to the Pacific pole of inaccessibility 215 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:52,880 and live off drowned things. 216 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:55,160 Look, I didn't have any choice, did I? Take a look at me. 217 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:57,160 Yeah, they wouldn't have read my scripts otherwise. 218 00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:58,520 We wouldn't have read your scripts. 219 00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:00,800 Not because you're a middle-class, middle-aged white man, 220 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,200 but because you are you! 221 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,280 And the worst thing is 222 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:06,160 they really like them. 223 00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:10,040 So now, once again, you have put me in an impossible situation. 224 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:12,040 Well, I'm sorry for making our show better. 225 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:15,440 Look, MY show. My show to make better or worse. 226 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:18,280 Why do you have to keep on barging in? What is wrong with you? 227 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:21,240 Why can't you just do things that men your age are supposed to do? 228 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,320 Like what? A podcast about the Roman Empire. 229 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:25,040 I've got a few ideas in that direction. 230 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,280 Please go and do them. 231 00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:32,000 Oh, here we go. 232 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:36,000 Wow. Greta, you look stunning. 233 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:38,880 I refer you to my previous comment about leagues. 234 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:41,600 Austin. Hello. 235 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:44,000 And Greta. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 236 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,360 Yeah, yeah. Shall we? Yeah. OK. Two. 237 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:48,640 Nice to see you, too. Great shirt. 238 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:50,960 Thanks. Greta picked it for me. 239 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,440 I like it once I've gotten used to it. 240 00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:56,240 Let's get a drink. 241 00:10:57,360 --> 00:10:59,840 Isn't your mother coming? She'd love to 242 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:03,280 but she has to talk to a complete stranger about her sexual history. 243 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:11,320 Perhaps we could start with some of your past boyfriends. 244 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:13,600 Some dalliances. 245 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:16,520 Haven't really had time for dalliances. 246 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:17,680 More's the pity. 247 00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:20,440 How about that 29-night stand in Cairns? 248 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:22,880 Um, that was a relationship. 249 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:24,920 How would you categorise your involvement 250 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:26,720 in the social media group 251 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,640 Aussie 80s music nuts. 252 00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:31,920 That's just people who know more than one Men At Work song. 253 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:34,080 Would you call it an extremist organisation? 254 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:36,960 No. There's room for INXS fans too. 255 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:41,280 Moving on. Your son, Austin, did a press conference earlier today. 256 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:44,000 His behaviour was...erratic. Wait a minute. 257 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,320 I thought this interview was about me. 258 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:49,640 Austin reflects on you and you reflect on the minister. 259 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:51,520 Do you think you can control him? 260 00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:54,120 Why should I have to? He's his own person. 261 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:55,400 Good evening, ladies. 262 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:59,280 I've prepared some light bites and libations for you. 263 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:01,840 Attempted corruption. Not now, Dad. 264 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:06,240 Oh, fine. I'll take the tray back to the kitchen. 265 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,040 Not so fast. William Hogan. 266 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:13,560 Can you confirm that you rented two films 267 00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:15,840 while on holiday in Fiji ten years ago? 268 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:18,720 Busty Bridesmaids III, 269 00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:21,800 followed a day later by Busty Bridesmaids II. 270 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:27,360 Well, there's some plot points in III didn't quite follow, so, uh... 271 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:29,960 ..I wanted to clear it all up. 272 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:33,920 Well, alright, girls, I'll let you get on with it. 273 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:38,040 Mojito for my star client. (LAUGHS) 274 00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:39,960 Thank you. Cheers, guys. 275 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,680 So, did you like the press conference? 276 00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:43,840 It went exactly as I hoped. 277 00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:45,960 So you wanted people to be annoyed? 278 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:48,680 Yeah, look, neurodiversity can be so worthy. 279 00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:51,480 Austin needs edge, don't you? 280 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:56,240 But aren't you just alienating the people you need the most? 281 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:58,440 The legacy media. Oh, Ingrid. Bless you. 282 00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:01,760 No, we don't need them when we can engage directly with fans. 283 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:04,560 There's a book festival in Canberra on Friday. 284 00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:06,720 We want to do a signing. Good idea. 285 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:08,520 Yeah, but have you got a slot? 286 00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:10,640 These things get booked up six months in advance. 287 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:12,200 Greta has a plan for that. 288 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,480 You're going to get him into the festival. 289 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:18,560 Austin, I can't get you into a book festival with 36 hours notice. 290 00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:19,800 I could help. 291 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:22,240 I mean, surely it's been long enough since my cancellation... 292 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:25,600 No, no. OK, I won't then. 293 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:29,880 But you have a lot of goodwill in the publishing world from Big Bear. 294 00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:33,280 That's leverage. Use it. I can't bully people. 295 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,840 You don't want to help Austin then? You don't see him as important. 296 00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:37,880 Of course I do. Because he's not a blood relative, 297 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:40,720 you don't regard him as family? No. I'd do anything for Austin. 298 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:42,040 So you'll handle it, then? 299 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:44,240 Oh, and can you pick up the books for the signing? 300 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,960 Oh, sorry. Can I just ask a question? 301 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:47,800 It's really been bugging me. Go ahead. 302 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:49,960 Austin, why are your arms different colours? 303 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:51,840 Greta wanted me to adopt an outdoor look 304 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:54,560 so I'm testing different shades of spray tan. 305 00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:56,560 This one is Wet Sand. 306 00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:59,720 And this one is Whisper of Teak. 307 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:02,280 Any preferences? I love Wet Sand. 308 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,680 Can I vote for Austin as he was before? 309 00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:07,960 Apparently that's not an option. 310 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:10,920 Ingrid, I think you're a bit uncomfortable about Austin changing. 311 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:13,000 That's a bit of a safe suburban attitude. 312 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,120 I am not safe and I am not suburban 313 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,480 and my tastes are very international. 314 00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:21,040 We went to see Macbeth in Japanese. A year ago. 315 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,760 But we went. Left early. 316 00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:25,080 Because it was very long and bad. 317 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:27,160 But I... Listen, I went to art school. 318 00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:28,360 Yeah? Yeah. 319 00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:30,160 I once made a throne out of hair. 320 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:33,280 I'm pretty wild. Are you? 321 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:38,840 Austin? 322 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:41,520 Yeah. Uh, hope you don't mind us asking. 323 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:44,080 Um, 'cause we couldn't quite work it out. 324 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:48,000 Yeah. Are you and Greta an item now? Romantically speaking? 325 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,280 What you need to know is that Greta doesn't like labels. 326 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:51,960 And nor do I now. 327 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:54,320 Grandad. What is it? 328 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:57,280 Just for future reference, I don't like labels. 329 00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:59,160 Right you are, Austin. (SPLASH!) 330 00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:01,880 Oh, balls! I've dropped my phone in the toilet. 331 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:04,440 Modern phones can withstand a short submersion. 332 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:07,360 Oh, right. 333 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:09,440 Oh, yes. Still working? 334 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:12,040 No, what you need to... You need to give it a really good wipe. 335 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:15,320 Yeah. Good idea. Is your mother in? 336 00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:16,800 Mel? Hi. 337 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:20,080 Hi. Hey. 338 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:22,760 Did you have a fun evening, Austin? Yes, I did, Mother. 339 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:24,760 Did they authorise you for intercourse and travel 340 00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:27,560 with the foreign minister? They'll tell me tomorrow. 341 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:30,200 If you wish to have sexual relations with more ministers, 342 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:33,040 will they vet you again, or is it one vetting covers all? 343 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:34,680 Uh, I don't know. 344 00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:36,880 And how about we never talk about that again? 345 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:38,880 Do we have a full roll of garbage bags? 346 00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:40,240 Yes. Why? 347 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,120 Greta says I should freshen up my wardrobe, 348 00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:44,320 so I need to get rid of all the clothes that I love. 349 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:47,040 You don't need to completely transform, do you? 350 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:49,880 David Bowie did it several times. And you old people love him. 351 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:52,200 Indeed, I was perhaps his biggest fan. 352 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,560 (SCOFFS) You had one cassette. 353 00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:57,480 Let's Dance. Yeah, well, and the Labyrinth DVD. 354 00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:01,000 (AS BOWIE) So the labyrinth is a piece of cake, is it? 355 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,480 Ground control to Major Wrong. 356 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:06,160 Sorry, Mel. OK, we wanted to talk about Austin. 357 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:09,080 Uh, yeah. Yeah, he's really come out of his shell, hasn't he? 358 00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:12,960 Yeah. I mean, he's certainly turned into a bit of a, you know...? 359 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:14,320 Mature young man. 360 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:15,680 Bellend. 361 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:18,800 Mel, is Austin or is Austin not behaving like a bit of a prat? 362 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:21,680 Like I keep saying, I'm not going to micromanage Austin anymore. 363 00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:23,600 If he wants to be a bell... 364 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,200 ..make his own choices, that's good with me. 365 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:29,080 I'm happy to let Austin be Austin. 366 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:31,040 Yeah, maybe that's what makes me a good parent. 367 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:32,400 Oh, God. 368 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:35,720 Austin is too trusting. That makes him vulnerable. 369 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:37,960 And Greta is a malign influence. 370 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,480 I think we know why you've got a problem with Greta, don't we? 371 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:44,200 It's what I was saying earlier. No, no, no, no. 372 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:46,080 Don't like other women, you know. Does she, Mel. 373 00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:48,240 It's not a big deal. It's just a quirk of your personality. 374 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:51,960 Don't gaslight me, Savannah, it's not all women. It's just Greta. 375 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:55,840 Mel and I have enormous affection for each other. 376 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,720 You can just feel the warmth between us. 377 00:16:57,720 --> 00:16:59,920 So there you go. Disproved. 378 00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:02,760 Actually, when we first met, 379 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:04,240 I kind of thought you hated me. 380 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,320 But I like you now. 381 00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:08,840 And you like me too. Just go with it, Mel. 382 00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:11,040 Whatever you think. Because, uh, she won't stop. 383 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:14,160 Red card. Fan of red cards. 384 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:17,400 Thanks. Alright, OK. 385 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,920 Bad boy, attitude. Three, two, one. 386 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:22,720 And...action. 387 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:24,360 This is my brunch. 388 00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:25,800 It's all fried. 389 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:27,440 I know what you're thinking. 390 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,240 Where are the green leafy vegetables? 391 00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:30,840 Well, there aren't any. 392 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:32,640 And if the haters want to complain about it, 393 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:34,760 they can suck on my breaded mozzarella sticks. 394 00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:36,760 Yes! Eat it! 395 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:41,040 That is so rock'n'roll. 396 00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:45,480 Are you sure not eating vegetables is rebellious? 397 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:47,600 And to be honest, this plate could do with some salad. 398 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:48,760 It's gonna be great. 399 00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:51,080 Should get the right kind of readers along to your signing. 400 00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,920 Aren't the right kind of readers anyone who buys the book? 401 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:56,920 No. You'll learn, Austin. You're gonna take me a long way. 402 00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:59,920 You mean you're gonna take ME a long way? 403 00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:01,280 Yes. 404 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:04,400 Yeah, yeah. No, that's exactly what I mean. 405 00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:12,360 Oh! Oh, my God! Ah! Ah! Ah! 406 00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:14,320 Oh, my God, Ingrid, I'm so sorry. Ah, ah. 407 00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:16,840 I am so sorry. Um, can I get you something? 408 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:19,520 Actually, could you go to the book warehouse 409 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:21,600 and get ten boxes of Austin's books and deliver them 410 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,960 to the Canberra Book Festival no later than 3:30? 411 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:25,920 Yeah. I'll ping you the deets after I've, um... 412 00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:29,680 Yeah. I was thinking more along the lines of, like, a turmeric latte. 413 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:34,000 I don't want a turmeric latte every time. 414 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:37,240 Sometimes I just genuinely really just want a herbal tea. 415 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:38,480 OK? 416 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:43,080 I'm so sorry, Ingrid. Oh, no. I'm sorry. 417 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,000 I'm gonna get you a herbal tea. No, I'm sorry. 418 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,760 No, I'm gonna get you... I'm so sorry. 419 00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:49,000 Do you know what? I actually feel like a turmeric latte. 420 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:51,720 I've just realised the ones you make are so good. 421 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:53,640 They're fabulous. So if you could... 422 00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:55,480 But would you do the books for me as well? 423 00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:58,080 Would that be OK? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 424 00:18:58,080 --> 00:18:59,440 Great. Sorry. 425 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:01,320 Amazing. No, don't...don't apologise. 426 00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:03,720 You're perfect. Hi. Hi. 427 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:05,160 Agatha. Ingrid. 428 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:08,760 Right. I've been thinking. Oh, yeah. 429 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:13,200 And the thought that I've been having sort of recurrently 430 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:17,360 is...let's not use any scripts by Savannah Robbins. 431 00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:20,520 Right. Yeah? 432 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:22,560 Except, oh, minor detail. 433 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:27,480 Those scripts are brilliant and you put her forward. 434 00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:29,560 But did I, though, did I? Yeah. 435 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:31,000 Because... 436 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:34,280 actually, I don't want to go there. I am the creative lead 437 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:37,920 and you have to trust me that Savannah Robbins is not the right fit 438 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,040 for this show. 439 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:40,960 So what we're gonna do is we're take all her scripts, 440 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:42,880 going to put them in a big metal bin and set fire to them 441 00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:45,080 and toast marshmallows over the top while you ring her, 442 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,800 and you tell her that her services are no longer required. 443 00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:49,920 OK. I love this chat. It was so great. 444 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:52,160 Thank you for your time. Not exactly. 445 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:55,520 Wait, so you're disagreeing with me while nodding? 446 00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:57,200 That's so weird. What is that? 447 00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:59,960 Is that a conflict resolution thing they teach you? 448 00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:02,000 No. Ingrid. What? 449 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,200 Can you sit down? I don't want to. 450 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:05,920 Come on, sit down. I don't... Really... 451 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:07,640 Shh, shh. Sit down. 452 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,040 (SIGHS) 453 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:13,880 Now... Yeah. 454 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,480 I think I know what might be happening here. 455 00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:20,920 It's because Savannah's a woman, isn't it? 456 00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:26,560 No! No, no, no! 457 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:29,120 I love women. I tell you a secret. 458 00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:32,880 I genuinely wish I were a lesbian. 459 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,640 And yet, here you are, turning on a woman. 460 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:38,200 I mean, no, no, that's how the patriarchy win. 461 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:41,280 I'm not turning on a woman. No. It's just... 462 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:44,840 I don't think we should use this person's scripts. 463 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:48,080 I am future-proofing the show. I am being discerning. 464 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:51,160 OK, well, I would just love 465 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:53,440 to sit here explaining feminism to you. 466 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:57,080 However, we sent the scripts off to the network yesterday 467 00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:59,600 and they just came back with... 468 00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:04,720 Love, love, love them. Three loves. 469 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,240 Are you looking at me with...? 470 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:13,800 I'm... I'm not either. 471 00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:14,800 Oh. 472 00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:18,520 (KNOCK AT DOOR) 473 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:21,360 Good afternoon, Miss Hogan. 474 00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:23,720 Do you have any paper stock suitable for printing up clearance 475 00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:25,320 for travelling with a minister? 476 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,280 What's wrong? Did she bite? 477 00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:32,400 Look, she was doing her job. 478 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:35,240 She knew more about my past than I wanted to remember. 479 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,600 A bit of scrutiny comes with the job. 480 00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:39,480 Yeah, your job, not mine. 481 00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:43,960 I mean, I don't have a perfect past. I'm messy. 482 00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:45,680 But I like messy. 483 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,960 It's not just me. They're gonna rake through Austin's life too. 484 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:52,640 Mel, you said it yourself. Austin needs to make his own mistakes. 485 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:55,280 That's just it. He won't be able to. He'll have to have a perfect life. 486 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,280 And that's not fair on him. 487 00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:01,120 Look, I'm going to take the afternoon off. 488 00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:03,560 I know I said that I was gonna let Austin do his own thing, 489 00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:07,200 but...sometimes a mum just has to get involved. 490 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:09,560 Well, you really care about him. 491 00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:11,280 It's one of the reasons I like you so much. 492 00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:14,600 I'm sorry. 493 00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:26,920 And I really do have a trip to Paris coming up. 494 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:31,920 Hayley, you need to understand that I'm not exploiting you, 495 00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:33,800 this is career development. No worries. 496 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:35,800 And also, it's just... It's really nice, isn't it, 497 00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:37,720 to spend time woman together out of the office. 498 00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:39,360 OK. Yeah. 499 00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:43,080 On that. Have you read The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood? 500 00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:44,520 No. It's amazing. 501 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:46,040 It's my...it's my favourite book. 502 00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:49,360 Oh, God. Julian! Yeah. 503 00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:52,360 Are you gonna help carrying your son's really rather heavy books? 504 00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:54,960 Oh, yeah. Sorry. I wanted to offer, just... 505 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:56,640 ..worried it would be sexist to ask. 506 00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:58,920 You know, the male assuming the female's weaker. 507 00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:02,000 So you're doing that, are you? I want you to help. 508 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:04,760 I consent to you helping. Are you happy? 509 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:06,680 Touchy minefield. 510 00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:12,440 So is this a dream come true? Am I a miracle worker? 511 00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:13,960 Am I Moses? 512 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:17,280 Austin's not happy. That's right. I'm not happy. 513 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,320 Who is? Modern life, eh? 514 00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:22,480 Apparently, Austin's in a poky corridor, way out back. 515 00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:25,960 Oh, no. That's just... That's the space for emerging writers. 516 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,800 Greta says I've already emerged. 517 00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,360 No, but I had to name a character in Big Bear TV 518 00:23:30,360 --> 00:23:32,040 after the organiser's dog to get that space. 519 00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:34,680 And let me tell you, Snowy is not a good name for a crab. 520 00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:37,480 Yeah, well, it's not good enough. Isn't Austin meant to be a rebel? 521 00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:40,120 Aren't rebels supposed to be on the outer? 522 00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:42,040 Greta, this is... I don't care. 523 00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:44,520 Look, there is on the outer, and then there is way out back. 524 00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:47,720 Actually, do you know what? 525 00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:52,080 Setting up here is where a true rebel would sign books. 526 00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:53,800 Austin, come here. 527 00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:57,520 Yeah, I've decided to go ahead with the signing. 528 00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,600 Yes, I've decided to go ahead with the signing. 529 00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:01,280 What a rollercoaster. 530 00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:04,720 "Dear Esmeralda, 531 00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:07,720 "I hope you enjoy the book." 532 00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:09,640 Austin, you're being a bit soft. 533 00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:13,280 "And if you don't enjoy it, 534 00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:15,880 "I couldn't give a snake's boobies." 535 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:18,480 Ooh, Austin. 536 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:21,200 That was, um, that was a little rude. 537 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:23,080 Feedback was not requested. 538 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:25,480 Hayden, go get Austin something to drink. 539 00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:29,800 OK. What about a coconut water? 540 00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:31,960 Fine! Fine. 541 00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:34,600 What a character. 542 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:36,640 You can't be proud of him behaving like this. 543 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:37,920 Just like me in the '90s. What? 544 00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:39,640 Philanderer with terrible taste in shirts. 545 00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:41,280 Not a philanderer. Yes, you were. 546 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:43,120 There was an overlap. You were unfaithful. 547 00:24:43,120 --> 00:24:45,280 Grey area. You... That's absolutely clear. 548 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:46,880 And I had some great vintage shirts. 549 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:50,400 Yeah, they were from the Oxfam and they smelt of dead men. 550 00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:52,120 "H." 551 00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:57,360 Eric? Ew. 552 00:24:57,360 --> 00:24:58,560 Why have you come? 553 00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:01,720 I'm asking myself the same question, mate. I don't even like books. 554 00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:03,440 We don't need them now anymore anyway, 555 00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:04,880 now that we've all got phones, right? 556 00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:08,240 But yeah, yeah, me, uh, me mum's not allowed to phone in prison. 557 00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:11,840 And they found the one I tried to smuggle in up me you know what? 558 00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:15,400 Finders keepers. So this'll have to do. 559 00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:16,600 (CLEARS THROAT) 560 00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:21,360 "Dear Patricia, I hope the next..." 561 00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:23,240 How much longer does she have to serve? 562 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:24,480 Just the 15 years, mate. 563 00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:27,440 "..15 years go by quickly for you." 564 00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:33,320 Can't even play games on it. 565 00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:36,800 What a waste of time. But thanks, buddy. 566 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:38,480 What a sad little man. 567 00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:41,120 Why was my former nemesis allowed in? 568 00:25:41,120 --> 00:25:43,120 I agree, Austin, it's unacceptable. 569 00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:46,120 Everyone except me is letting you down. 570 00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:49,000 Do something. You're a bad boy, remember? 571 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:52,680 These people are the wrong kind of readers. 572 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:54,400 This signing is over. 573 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:55,480 Uh, yeah, a-alright. 574 00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:58,080 But maybe after you finished signing the books people have paid for. 575 00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:00,120 No! It's over now! 576 00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:02,920 Austin. Austin, love. Not now, Mum. 577 00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:05,120 Can't you see I'm busy cancelling a book signing? 578 00:26:05,120 --> 00:26:07,320 OK, so they did not have coconut water, 579 00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:09,120 so I got you an apple juice instead. 580 00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:10,480 I asked for coconut water. 581 00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:13,400 No, you didn't, I think I suggested it, remember? 582 00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:15,160 I don't want an apple juice! 583 00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:17,120 You might as well have brought me poison. 584 00:26:17,120 --> 00:26:20,280 What is the matter with everyone? You know what, Austin? 585 00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:21,760 You're as bad as Sylvester Macauley 586 00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,640 on the set of return of the Cybermen. And that's bad. 587 00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:27,320 JULIAN: I mean, fine. You know, 588 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:29,680 from time to time he's going to put a few noses out of joint. 589 00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:31,960 You know, that's going to happen when he's finding his voice. 590 00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:33,560 He's, uh... 591 00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:36,920 Well, he's a, you know. Say it, Julian. 592 00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:38,920 He's turned into a bit of a dickhead, hasn't he? 593 00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:41,240 Too right he has. What happened to Switzerland? 594 00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:43,480 Switzerland just tooled up. 595 00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:45,640 I was never like that, was I? 596 00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:47,400 I mean, you know, I was roguish. 597 00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:49,680 Yes. I was always charming and likeable. 598 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:55,200 Well, regardless, you know, the point is, 599 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:58,760 if we think that Austin's turned into a bit of nobber... 600 00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:01,080 What are we going to do about it? 601 00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:04,160 (SIGHS) 602 00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:06,400 What is even matter with you?! GRETA: This is all good stuff. 603 00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:07,520 Keep going. 604 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:20,480 Austin's just booked a guest spot on the Cobb Harper podcast! 605 00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:22,920 That's not the guy who thinks that kangaroos were built in a lab. 606 00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:24,840 Yeah. And who says autism's a choice. 607 00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:27,720 Greta says you have to be annoying to get popular. 608 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:29,320 It's called riz. 609 00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:32,400 So all I have to do is reframe my identity, dodge career ruin, 610 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:35,520 and find an exclamation mark to wear over my person. 611 00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:38,720 If I don't find the perfect Big Bear in the next 24 hours, 612 00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:41,160 I'm going to be fired from my own show. 613 00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:44,160 Oh God. That was an intervention, right? 614 00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:47,160 Yes, it was. Cool. 615 00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:51,640 Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation 616 00:27:52,305 --> 00:28:52,944