"Plebs" The Hooligans

1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,935 We'd like to apply for a loan, please. 2 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,437 I see. And what size loan are you looking for? 3 00:00:04,503 --> 00:00:06,363 7,000 denarii, ideally. 4 00:00:06,429 --> 00:00:08,454 It's for our bar, The Crown And Toga. 5 00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:10,267 - We wanna do a bit of a refurb. - Okay. 6 00:00:10,333 --> 00:00:13,762 - What's the nature of the refurbishment? - Two words. Beach bar. 7 00:00:13,827 --> 00:00:15,698 Is one of the ideas we're toying with. 8 00:00:15,764 --> 00:00:18,082 - Two more words: Freak show. - Love it. 9 00:00:18,147 --> 00:00:21,234 - And that's literally never been mentioned. - Picture a carnival of weirdos. 10 00:00:21,299 --> 00:00:24,082 No, don't picture that. We're much more into the beach idea. 11 00:00:24,147 --> 00:00:27,082 We're thinking cocktails, beanbags, girls in bikinis... 12 00:00:27,147 --> 00:00:29,986 - A bearded baby, a six-legged man... - Will not be there. 13 00:00:30,052 --> 00:00:31,626 Even if they did exist! 14 00:00:31,692 --> 00:00:35,391 Well, either way, your turnover won't reconcile to forecast. 15 00:00:35,871 --> 00:00:38,707 - Nope. No idea what that means. - You don't have any customers. 16 00:00:38,773 --> 00:00:41,893 - Yes, because we need a refurb. - Or because of poor management? 17 00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:44,285 Oh, just grow a pair and give us the money! 18 00:00:44,351 --> 00:00:46,957 - It's not as simple as that. - Just give us the money. 19 00:00:47,023 --> 00:00:48,329 Give us the money. 20 00:00:48,395 --> 00:00:49,880 Give us the money! 21 00:00:51,530 --> 00:00:54,108 What does that bell mean? Is that you giving us the money or... 22 00:00:54,173 --> 00:00:56,488 - You've called security, haven't you? - I have, yes. 23 00:00:56,554 --> 00:01:01,154 Sync and corrections: minouhse www.addic7ed.com 24 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:09,074 Do you want subtitles for any video? -=[ ai.OpenSubtitles.com ]=- 25 00:01:11,473 --> 00:01:14,083 It's not Grumio's fault the guy was a total spod. 26 00:01:14,148 --> 00:01:17,695 No, but it is his fault our business plan included a six-legged man. 27 00:01:17,761 --> 00:01:20,310 - Whatever the fuck that is. - Exactly what it sounds like. 28 00:01:20,375 --> 00:01:21,660 So I'm guessing they said "no". 29 00:01:21,725 --> 00:01:24,840 We got booted out by security so they didn't really have to. 30 00:01:24,906 --> 00:01:29,083 Either way, our bold, new bid to lure in punters may have to wait. 31 00:01:29,148 --> 00:01:33,204 - Green Army! - Oh, lovely. Chariot fans. 32 00:01:33,270 --> 00:01:35,821 Every bloody match day they get steaming drunk 33 00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:38,083 and cover the place in flob and sexism. 34 00:01:38,148 --> 00:01:40,565 'Ey, show us your tits, darling! 35 00:01:40,631 --> 00:01:42,434 The zoo knows you've escaped, does it? 36 00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:46,228 Yeah, don't speak to my bird like that, please, fellas. 37 00:01:46,529 --> 00:01:49,021 Oh, dear. Bloody Neanderthals! 38 00:01:49,087 --> 00:01:50,772 I'm sorry, "bird"? 39 00:01:50,838 --> 00:01:52,856 Yeah, just using their lingo. 40 00:01:52,922 --> 00:01:55,910 - I'm not your bird, Marcus. - No, sure. I meant girlfriend. 41 00:01:55,976 --> 00:01:58,924 - I'm not your girlfriend either. - What d'you want me to call you? 42 00:01:58,990 --> 00:02:02,936 How about, "Woman you've been on a few dates with" who runs the business next door to yours?" 43 00:02:03,001 --> 00:02:05,218 Oh, right. Glad we cleared that up. 44 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:09,360 - I mean, she is right, you know. - They really are putting it away. 45 00:02:12,694 --> 00:02:15,766 Are you sure there's not a pink team? More like one in a pastel shade? 46 00:02:15,832 --> 00:02:17,134 Green's not really my colour. 47 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:19,799 - It is now, mate. - I got some gear for the bar, too. 48 00:02:19,865 --> 00:02:22,083 A green banner, some flags, a bibby. 49 00:02:22,148 --> 00:02:24,410 - What's the bibby for? - Well, a baby. 50 00:02:24,476 --> 00:02:26,127 Or when I have soup. 51 00:02:28,031 --> 00:02:29,653 That'll be 430 denarii. 52 00:02:29,719 --> 00:02:31,969 430? For a bit of cloth? 53 00:02:32,035 --> 00:02:33,864 It's official club merchandise. 54 00:02:33,930 --> 00:02:37,382 And is there a discount, perhaps, for lifelong Greenies like ourselves? 55 00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:40,135 No. And nobody says Greenies, by the way. 56 00:02:40,201 --> 00:02:42,906 Good to know. Put the bibby back in that case, Grumio. 57 00:02:42,972 --> 00:02:45,018 Oh, I really wanted that bibby. 58 00:02:49,096 --> 00:02:51,855 Are you sure we want sports mad trolls in here? 59 00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:55,502 - It could all get a bit full on. - If full on means full, that is fine by me. 60 00:02:55,568 --> 00:02:57,543 Right now, we don't have a single customer. 61 00:02:57,609 --> 00:03:00,670 - We've got weird old Phoenix. - Weird old Phoenix isn't a customer. 62 00:03:00,736 --> 00:03:03,088 All he does is drink our water and use our loo. 63 00:03:03,154 --> 00:03:05,433 He's basically a human drainpipe. 64 00:03:05,499 --> 00:03:08,011 All right, Phoenix? How's the novel coming along? 65 00:03:08,077 --> 00:03:09,411 Oh, slowly. 66 00:03:09,477 --> 00:03:11,934 - Terribly slowly. - Yeah? 67 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,733 How about a nice glass of wine to speed things up a bit? 68 00:03:15,124 --> 00:03:18,505 Interesting. Grease the wheels as it were. 69 00:03:18,571 --> 00:03:23,025 But, no, thank you. Let's stay focused. 70 00:03:23,494 --> 00:03:27,188 Maybe just a top up of water, if you would. 71 00:03:29,327 --> 00:03:31,102 Come on, you Greens. 72 00:03:33,508 --> 00:03:35,694 What's the name of our most expensive signing? 73 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:38,786 Alexis Falco, seven and a half million. Where did we get him from? 74 00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:41,614 The Reds. He used to be scum, now he's a legend. 75 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:45,268 - What's his pre-match meal? Marcus. - Who cares? 76 00:03:45,334 --> 00:03:46,546 That is not gonna come up. 77 00:03:46,612 --> 00:03:49,043 All we have to do to blend in, is make obscene gestures 78 00:03:49,109 --> 00:03:52,137 - and shout "wanker" occasionally. - The answer is actually meat pie. 79 00:03:52,203 --> 00:03:54,457 You want some, you toilet? 80 00:03:54,523 --> 00:03:56,646 - Is that our geeky bank manager? - Where? 81 00:03:56,712 --> 00:03:59,262 Over there with the Blue fans, knocking that guy out. 82 00:03:59,328 --> 00:04:02,317 Yeah, cos that's just what geeky bank managers get up to. 83 00:04:02,383 --> 00:04:04,819 He's probably on his way to throw shit as a temple. 84 00:04:04,885 --> 00:04:06,105 I swear that's him. 85 00:04:06,171 --> 00:04:08,993 Come on, I quite fancy a pre-match meat pie myself. 86 00:04:09,059 --> 00:04:10,259 Green Army! 87 00:04:19,655 --> 00:04:21,110 Green Army! 88 00:04:21,176 --> 00:04:22,545 Green Army! 89 00:04:27,766 --> 00:04:31,268 They were the cheapest seats I could find. I didn't know we'd be in the family bit. 90 00:04:31,333 --> 00:04:33,847 Cos this definitely isn't where the hardcore drinkers sit. 91 00:04:33,913 --> 00:04:36,913 - Not unless you count milk. - Yes, all right, come on, then. 92 00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:41,556 - Green Army! - Green Army! 93 00:04:43,794 --> 00:04:46,668 - Green Army! - Green Army! 94 00:04:47,012 --> 00:04:50,810 Oi, did someone order a fruit basket? Cos three plums have just shown up! 95 00:04:51,464 --> 00:04:53,123 Very funny. We're not plums, though. 96 00:04:53,188 --> 00:04:55,547 We're Greeners, like you. 97 00:04:55,613 --> 00:04:58,806 If anything, we're green plums. Greengages, if you will. 98 00:04:58,872 --> 00:05:00,876 Yeah, well, I ain't seen you before. 99 00:05:01,798 --> 00:05:03,938 That's weird. We're here every week. 100 00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:05,987 Oi, Paulus, you seen these plums before? 101 00:05:06,053 --> 00:05:09,322 - No, never. Who are they? - Dunno, saying they're Greeners. 102 00:05:09,388 --> 00:05:11,442 We are! We're massive Greeners. 103 00:05:11,508 --> 00:05:14,975 All right, you lot are here so much, who did we play last week? 104 00:05:15,041 --> 00:05:17,912 - Easy, that'll be the Whites. - We won by three and a half laps. 105 00:05:17,978 --> 00:05:19,687 Yeah, smashed them, the wankers! 106 00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:21,056 Wankers-s-s! 107 00:05:21,478 --> 00:05:24,666 And you, what do you make of Leo? Cor, he was on fire, weren't he, eh?! 108 00:05:24,732 --> 00:05:28,017 Oh, yeah. Leo played a blinder, absolutely immense. 109 00:05:28,083 --> 00:05:29,327 Leo's our mascot. 110 00:05:30,305 --> 00:05:33,850 No, I know. But, you know, he was still immense. As a mascot. 111 00:05:34,382 --> 00:05:35,804 Jog on, you plums. 112 00:05:37,429 --> 00:05:40,191 One of our players eats pies before a race, if that count? 113 00:05:44,205 --> 00:05:47,567 - Well, you muffed that, didn't you? - And you muffed our loan application. 114 00:05:47,633 --> 00:05:49,083 So we're even. 115 00:05:49,148 --> 00:05:51,421 It was a stupid idea anyway. Let's go home. 116 00:05:51,487 --> 00:05:54,724 I'm not just going home, mate. I can win these aggro numpties over. 117 00:05:54,790 --> 00:05:57,864 - I've got the cheeky charm. - Okay. I mean, I've never noticed that. 118 00:05:57,930 --> 00:06:00,834 You've just gotta tickle their balls, give them a bit of banter. 119 00:06:01,886 --> 00:06:03,341 - This is our season... - Ladies. 120 00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:04,606 You what? Ladies? 121 00:06:04,672 --> 00:06:06,574 Wanna fuckin' sandal up your arse, do ya? 122 00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:08,178 No. No, thank you. Sorry. 123 00:06:08,244 --> 00:06:10,551 Nah, just wondering what you wankers are doing now. 124 00:06:10,617 --> 00:06:13,198 Same as we do after every match, few bevvies up The Grapes. 125 00:06:13,264 --> 00:06:16,960 The Grapes? Do people still drink there? You wanna come to our gaff, mate. 126 00:06:17,025 --> 00:06:19,972 The Crown And Toga. It's where all the proper Greeners drink. 127 00:06:20,038 --> 00:06:22,231 Are you trying to say we're not proper Greeners? 128 00:06:22,296 --> 00:06:26,464 That's a bit rich coming from a bunch of two-bob lemony slags like you lot. 129 00:06:27,058 --> 00:06:28,495 Two-bob lemony slags? 130 00:06:28,561 --> 00:06:30,542 Are you having a laugh? We're the real deal. 131 00:06:30,608 --> 00:06:31,992 Course you are, babe. 132 00:06:33,054 --> 00:06:35,069 All right. Get a load of this. 133 00:06:42,546 --> 00:06:43,846 Go on, boy! 134 00:06:56,410 --> 00:06:57,680 I'm Green until I die. 135 00:06:57,746 --> 00:07:01,083 I know I am, I'm sure I am, I'm Green until I die! 136 00:07:01,148 --> 00:07:03,694 Decent little gaff you've got here to be fair, Marcus. 137 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:05,123 Kitted it out nice. 138 00:07:05,620 --> 00:07:09,063 Well, we've had all this clobber up for years, of course. 139 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,606 Then you know that flag's arse about tit. 140 00:07:13,093 --> 00:07:15,400 We love you Greens, we do... 141 00:07:17,326 --> 00:07:20,680 Aurelius. Flick that flag over. The lion's upside down, you prat. 142 00:07:20,746 --> 00:07:22,083 Yeah, I'm a bit busy right now. 143 00:07:22,148 --> 00:07:24,923 Serving wine to genuinely some of the worst people on Earth. 144 00:07:24,988 --> 00:07:26,923 Yeah, and some of the thirstiest people on Earth. 145 00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:28,762 I can't pour this stuff fast enough. 146 00:07:28,828 --> 00:07:31,406 This is what having a successful bar feels like, boys. 147 00:07:31,472 --> 00:07:34,254 Just get used to it. At this rate, we'll have to hire more staff. 148 00:07:34,319 --> 00:07:36,026 Excuse me, Marcus. 149 00:07:36,092 --> 00:07:40,083 Would you ask the chaps in green to quiet it down a bit, please? 150 00:07:40,148 --> 00:07:41,966 I'm trying to write my novel. 151 00:07:42,032 --> 00:07:45,069 Weirdly, Phoenix, your novel's not my top priority here. 152 00:07:45,135 --> 00:07:47,017 We are a wine bar for sports fans, 153 00:07:47,083 --> 00:07:49,748 not a water bar for leaky-bladdered cheapskates. 154 00:07:49,814 --> 00:07:52,330 If you've got a problem with that, you can jog on, son. 155 00:07:52,396 --> 00:07:55,083 I'm 75, I'm not jogging anywhere. 156 00:07:55,148 --> 00:07:57,982 Flush yourself down the loo, then, I really don't care. 157 00:07:58,048 --> 00:07:59,291 What can I get you, mate? 158 00:07:59,357 --> 00:08:02,596 He's short, he's fast, he likes to show his arse... 159 00:08:02,662 --> 00:08:06,034 He's Grumio, Grumio! 160 00:08:06,878 --> 00:08:08,573 Are these not the same chariot fans 161 00:08:08,639 --> 00:08:11,235 you described as "bloody Neanderthals" the other day? 162 00:08:11,301 --> 00:08:14,748 They are, yes, but now I've met them, and I have to say, 163 00:08:14,814 --> 00:08:16,790 the Greens are a really terrific bunch. 164 00:08:16,856 --> 00:08:19,343 Genuinely good-hearted, considerate people. 165 00:08:19,409 --> 00:08:21,083 They pissed all over my shop front. 166 00:08:21,148 --> 00:08:23,901 They're a bit rough round the edges. Sure, they like a drink. 167 00:08:23,967 --> 00:08:26,740 Anyway, I thought urine was useful for your laundry process. 168 00:08:26,806 --> 00:08:28,763 Not when it's streaked all up the wall it's not. 169 00:08:28,828 --> 00:08:31,847 - And I can't do much with vomit. - Fair point. Aurelius, 170 00:08:31,913 --> 00:08:35,153 - clean up the vom as well, please, mate. - Yeah, this is making me a bit queasy. 171 00:08:35,218 --> 00:08:37,692 They also appear to have painted a dog on my door. 172 00:08:37,758 --> 00:08:40,790 - It's a lion, actually. Their mascot, Leo. - Yeah, I don't care. 173 00:08:40,856 --> 00:08:44,222 - I don't want it there is my point. - All right, I'll have it painted over. 174 00:08:44,288 --> 00:08:47,816 In fact, painting the whole door green might stop this happening again. 175 00:08:47,882 --> 00:08:50,847 Or you can just not have the Green pricks in your bar at all. 176 00:08:50,913 --> 00:08:52,279 That might also stop it. 177 00:08:52,345 --> 00:08:54,071 No can do, sorry. 178 00:08:54,137 --> 00:08:56,306 We've poured a lot of money into these Green pricks, 179 00:08:56,371 --> 00:09:00,709 so I kind of need to put my business before my relationship with a not girlfriend. 180 00:09:02,069 --> 00:09:05,366 I'll handle it, okay? Aurelius will clean up the mess. 181 00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:08,947 And his own mess. 182 00:09:11,647 --> 00:09:15,861 Green Army! Green Army! Green Army! 183 00:09:22,304 --> 00:09:24,420 Green Army! 184 00:09:27,265 --> 00:09:28,635 Go on, boy! 185 00:09:43,027 --> 00:09:45,882 No matter how hectic it gets, just keep serving. 186 00:09:45,948 --> 00:09:47,885 Maybe let's pre-pour drinks, in fact. 187 00:09:47,951 --> 00:09:50,870 And just so you know, you will get called some rude names. 188 00:09:50,936 --> 00:09:55,279 We're talking mug, melt, muppet, helmet, ugly bitch, 189 00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,747 minge face, bearded nonce... 190 00:09:56,813 --> 00:09:59,047 Yeah, I think those last few were just for you. 191 00:10:00,304 --> 00:10:03,184 Okay, we're on. Brace yourselves. 192 00:10:04,444 --> 00:10:08,546 Green Army! Welcome, boys. In you come. 193 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:13,545 Glass of wine, please, minge face. Grumio? 194 00:10:13,573 --> 00:10:14,777 Just a bowl of nuts. 195 00:10:14,843 --> 00:10:17,546 - Sorry, where is everyone? - They weren't really feeling it. 196 00:10:17,611 --> 00:10:19,233 Why not, out of interest? 197 00:10:19,299 --> 00:10:21,054 Cos we got dumped out of the Cup, didn't we? 198 00:10:21,119 --> 00:10:23,546 We weren't exactly in the mood for having it large. 199 00:10:23,611 --> 00:10:26,001 Chin up, kid. There's always next season, eh? 200 00:10:26,067 --> 00:10:28,485 - We live in hope. - Sorry, next season? 201 00:10:28,551 --> 00:10:30,363 Yeah, when the Cup starts over again. 202 00:10:30,429 --> 00:10:33,352 - So we don't get any more games now? - When you're out, you're out. 203 00:10:33,417 --> 00:10:36,484 - That's how the Cup works, silly bollocks. - No, I know. I know that. 204 00:10:36,549 --> 00:10:39,403 Just, remind me. When is next season again? 205 00:10:39,469 --> 00:10:42,293 - End of August. - August, right. 206 00:10:42,359 --> 00:10:45,887 And it's February now so that's... 207 00:10:45,953 --> 00:10:47,546 About six months. 208 00:10:47,611 --> 00:10:50,906 - The Blues will probably go on and win it now. - Grr, scum! 209 00:10:50,971 --> 00:10:53,368 - Still, we had a decent run, didn't we? - Didn't we just. 210 00:10:53,434 --> 00:10:55,640 What a bloody good run we had. 211 00:10:56,955 --> 00:10:58,155 Fuck! 212 00:11:05,897 --> 00:11:08,862 - But I've only just put them all up. - And now you have to take them all down. 213 00:11:08,927 --> 00:11:12,794 There's not much point being a sports bar if there is no sport for six months, is there? 214 00:11:12,975 --> 00:11:15,528 Okay, someone's just had a sweet idea. 215 00:11:15,594 --> 00:11:18,278 - Please not the beach bar again. - No, not that, hear me out. 216 00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:21,040 The Greens got knocked out of the Cup, but not everyone did. 217 00:11:21,106 --> 00:11:23,303 Yeah, that's how the Cup works, silly bollocks. 218 00:11:23,369 --> 00:11:25,971 Right, and Paulus said the Blues would probably win it. 219 00:11:26,037 --> 00:11:27,920 So why don't we just become a Blue bar instead? 220 00:11:27,985 --> 00:11:29,956 - Have a cheeky rebrand. - A rebrand? 221 00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:31,331 Are you tugging my testicles? 222 00:11:31,397 --> 00:11:33,640 That is actually one of your less shit ideas, Jason. 223 00:11:33,705 --> 00:11:35,253 - Cheers, bro. - We're Greeners. 224 00:11:35,319 --> 00:11:37,915 We can't just change colour like some fruity fucking lizard. 225 00:11:37,980 --> 00:11:39,261 I think we can. 226 00:11:39,327 --> 00:11:42,365 In fact, I can feel us turning Blue right now. 227 00:11:42,431 --> 00:11:45,569 Where's your loyalty? You're bloody glory gobblers! 228 00:11:45,635 --> 00:11:48,213 - You've been to, like, two games, mate. - So what? 229 00:11:48,279 --> 00:11:50,419 The Greeners respect me, unlike you two. 230 00:11:50,485 --> 00:11:53,905 With you it's always, "Pipe down, Grumio. Forget your freak show. 231 00:11:53,971 --> 00:11:56,167 "Put your bibby back. Be Green. Be Blue." 232 00:11:56,233 --> 00:11:58,596 - Well, yeah, if you would. - I won't! 233 00:11:58,874 --> 00:12:01,986 And if this place is going Blue, I'm having nothing more to do with it. 234 00:12:02,429 --> 00:12:03,629 Scum! 235 00:12:05,165 --> 00:12:07,903 Clean that up, will you, Aurelius, once you're done with that? 236 00:12:09,217 --> 00:12:11,735 Hello again. We'd like to return these items 237 00:12:11,801 --> 00:12:13,901 and exchange them for those ones, please. 238 00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:16,005 I thought you were lifelong Greenies. 239 00:12:16,071 --> 00:12:20,073 We were but circumstances changed and now we're lifelong Blueys. 240 00:12:20,139 --> 00:12:22,257 Plus, blue is a much better colour for my skin tone. 241 00:12:22,322 --> 00:12:24,141 Right, that's not how most people pick a team. 242 00:12:24,207 --> 00:12:25,977 Well, I'm not most people. 243 00:12:26,043 --> 00:12:28,899 - Either way, we don't do exchanges. - Oh, for... 244 00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:31,367 This is gonna cost us pretty much everything we made. 245 00:12:31,433 --> 00:12:34,321 All right, well, we can get rid of this trivia book for starters. 246 00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:36,777 How are we gonna get in with the fans without wading through 247 00:12:36,842 --> 00:12:38,841 the painfully dull history of their club? 248 00:12:38,907 --> 00:12:41,083 We take a shortcut, obviously. 249 00:12:50,162 --> 00:12:53,235 Hi. If you want a meeting, you have to make an appointment. 250 00:12:53,301 --> 00:12:54,522 Nah, no need for that, Nige. 251 00:12:54,587 --> 00:12:57,922 I just wanted to let you know that I saw you the other day. 252 00:12:57,988 --> 00:12:59,196 Yes, I know, 253 00:12:59,262 --> 00:13:01,322 - I had to call security. - Not here. 254 00:13:01,388 --> 00:13:03,911 I mean, I did see you here, but also at the arena. 255 00:13:04,065 --> 00:13:08,815 Yobbing it up, putting your fists hard into people's faces. 256 00:13:08,881 --> 00:13:10,094 I saw you. 257 00:13:10,426 --> 00:13:12,521 I don't know what you're talking about. 258 00:13:12,586 --> 00:13:14,781 So how'd you get those marks on your knuckles? 259 00:13:15,210 --> 00:13:17,685 Accident with an abacus, was it? 260 00:13:19,197 --> 00:13:22,521 No, you don't. Bell's not gonna save you this time, boy. 261 00:13:22,709 --> 00:13:25,396 I know what I saw and I don't have a problem telling this lot 262 00:13:25,462 --> 00:13:28,677 exactly what Naughty Nige gets up to after hours. 263 00:13:30,586 --> 00:13:32,881 Maybe I can reconsider that business loan. 264 00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:36,586 Nah, forget the loan, Nige. I want something else this time. 265 00:13:38,586 --> 00:13:41,084 Here he comes. It's Alexis Falco. 266 00:13:41,150 --> 00:13:44,073 The crowd goes mental as he rounds the final bend and... 267 00:13:44,139 --> 00:13:47,089 - Oh, bollocks to it! - What you do that for, you mug? 268 00:13:47,155 --> 00:13:48,494 You was home and dry there. 269 00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:51,059 Sorry, boss. It's just, I miss the real thing is all. 270 00:13:51,125 --> 00:13:53,659 Larging it with the lads, singing the songs, 271 00:13:53,725 --> 00:13:55,526 feeling like I'm ten foot tall. 272 00:13:55,592 --> 00:13:57,521 Cos you're on Griff's shoulders, you mean? 273 00:13:57,586 --> 00:14:01,221 Yeah, that's part of it. But it's like I finally belong to something. 274 00:14:01,287 --> 00:14:02,522 And now all that's gone. 275 00:14:02,587 --> 00:14:06,321 I hear you. It's always tough, the wait between matches. 276 00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:09,782 It can feel like forever, but in just a few days time, 277 00:14:09,848 --> 00:14:13,103 we'll be back on that terrace giving it large like we never left. 278 00:14:13,565 --> 00:14:16,521 Now, I want you to pick up little Alexis 279 00:14:16,593 --> 00:14:18,670 and let's get him that victory. 280 00:14:19,013 --> 00:14:20,234 Go on, boy. 281 00:14:22,625 --> 00:14:24,561 Hang on. A few days? 282 00:14:24,626 --> 00:14:26,772 I thought it was gonna be six months. 283 00:14:27,357 --> 00:14:29,854 What?! You told him to forget the loan. 284 00:14:29,928 --> 00:14:33,951 Yeah, because we don't need it any more. This is our passport to punters. 285 00:14:34,351 --> 00:14:35,913 Ooh, there he is, look. 286 00:14:39,060 --> 00:14:40,691 Oi, oi, Nige! 287 00:14:40,757 --> 00:14:43,128 - Oi, oi, Nige's crew! - Oh, hi, Jase. 288 00:14:43,194 --> 00:14:44,522 Who are these turnips? 289 00:14:44,587 --> 00:14:47,521 These are good mates of mine. It's Jason and... 290 00:14:47,586 --> 00:14:49,361 - Marcus. - Marcus, yeah, yeah. 291 00:14:49,426 --> 00:14:52,163 - They own a bar in town. - The Crown And Toga. 292 00:14:52,229 --> 00:14:53,700 It's a hardcore Blue bar. 293 00:14:54,384 --> 00:14:57,077 - So you're hardcore, are you? - Just a bit. 294 00:14:57,143 --> 00:14:59,036 We're proper Blue Army, like you guys. 295 00:14:59,102 --> 00:15:01,752 - Blue Army?! - He means Blue Legion. 296 00:15:02,033 --> 00:15:05,069 - Blue Legion! - Jase! It's Legion. 297 00:15:05,135 --> 00:15:07,306 Yeah, Legion! 298 00:15:07,724 --> 00:15:10,979 Listen, Nige, you sure about these two? Seem like a couple of melts to me. 299 00:15:11,045 --> 00:15:12,936 Are you calling my mates melts, Gav? 300 00:15:13,002 --> 00:15:15,495 - No, I just mean, they're a bit... - I say they're all right. 301 00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:17,052 And if you're saying they're not, 302 00:15:17,118 --> 00:15:20,788 I'm gonna tear your skin off and wear you like a fucking toga! 303 00:15:20,854 --> 00:15:22,438 All right! They're all right! 304 00:15:22,504 --> 00:15:24,125 Yeah, they're all right. 305 00:15:25,352 --> 00:15:27,967 - Legion! - Legion! 306 00:15:28,033 --> 00:15:29,487 Legion! 307 00:15:40,204 --> 00:15:42,763 Legion! Legion! 308 00:15:55,492 --> 00:15:56,845 Thank you very much. 309 00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:03,289 Legion, we love you! 310 00:16:03,586 --> 00:16:05,266 Again, I'm really sorry. 311 00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:07,969 Yeah, painting it green worked an absolute treat, didn't it? 312 00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:09,758 And I thought their mascot was a lion. 313 00:16:09,824 --> 00:16:12,737 The Green mascot, yeah. But we had a small rebrand. 314 00:16:12,803 --> 00:16:15,841 It turns out the Blues have a far nicer breed of chariot fan. 315 00:16:15,907 --> 00:16:19,111 And then what? Are we working our way through the colours of the rainbow? 316 00:16:19,177 --> 00:16:21,176 No, no. We are now Blue through and through. 317 00:16:21,242 --> 00:16:24,561 Actually, we are making so much, I could maybe spruce up the hood a bit. 318 00:16:24,626 --> 00:16:26,883 You know, a few pot plants, a lantern maybe. 319 00:16:26,949 --> 00:16:28,597 Just paint the fucking door, Marcus. 320 00:16:28,663 --> 00:16:31,822 And do a better job this time. It's all streaky, look. 321 00:16:36,586 --> 00:16:38,287 Nige is like a proper mate now. 322 00:16:38,353 --> 00:16:40,299 I mean, I know I'm blackmailing him, but 323 00:16:40,365 --> 00:16:42,188 he said he's gonna introduce me to his sister. 324 00:16:42,253 --> 00:16:44,362 - Apparently, she's well fit. - Shove up, mush. 325 00:16:44,428 --> 00:16:47,400 Sorry, Nigel has described his own sister as well fit? 326 00:16:47,466 --> 00:16:49,498 Yeah! It's quite weird actually, isn't it? 327 00:16:49,564 --> 00:16:52,781 - I said shove up. I need the mirror. - Can you just wait until I'm finished? 328 00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:54,521 Why are you even doing that, Grumio? 329 00:16:54,586 --> 00:16:56,753 - I've got a race later, why do you think? - How can you? 330 00:16:56,818 --> 00:16:58,648 Greens got knocked out of the Cup, remember? 331 00:16:58,713 --> 00:17:00,521 That was the Chariot Association Cup. 332 00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:04,326 There's still the League Cup, the Fish Paste Cup and the Imperial Shield, obviously. 333 00:17:04,586 --> 00:17:07,802 - So your season's not over at all? - Just getting going, son. 334 00:17:07,868 --> 00:17:11,025 And I'll be back down the bar later for some bevvies with the Army. 335 00:17:11,091 --> 00:17:12,441 Hang on. How's that gonna work? 336 00:17:12,507 --> 00:17:14,949 I'm gonna be at the bar later with the Legion after our game. 337 00:17:15,014 --> 00:17:18,444 Well, it's not gonna work, clearly. Grumio, you have to go to the Army, 338 00:17:18,510 --> 00:17:21,233 tell them to go back to that old pub. The Grapes, was it? 339 00:17:21,299 --> 00:17:24,041 Like hell I will! The Crown And Toga's our manor now. 340 00:17:24,106 --> 00:17:26,335 - We shall not be moved! - Well, neither shall we. 341 00:17:26,401 --> 00:17:28,310 Not from the bar, nor this mirror. 342 00:17:29,458 --> 00:17:32,804 I can't believe you just blued my bloody nose. Scum! 343 00:17:33,695 --> 00:17:36,409 Will you please stop spitting on the floor?! 344 00:17:40,761 --> 00:17:42,687 - Are you sure this is gonna work? - Yeah. 345 00:17:42,753 --> 00:17:44,947 Cos we could just tell people we're closed. 346 00:17:45,013 --> 00:17:47,450 This'll be fine. Probably. 347 00:17:48,124 --> 00:17:49,364 Hopefully. 348 00:17:49,430 --> 00:17:51,739 Legion, Legion! 349 00:17:54,328 --> 00:17:57,606 Greeners, Greeners, Greeners! 350 00:18:17,813 --> 00:18:19,903 Hi, hello there, Nige. 351 00:18:19,997 --> 00:18:21,991 What the fuck is going on here? 352 00:18:22,057 --> 00:18:24,332 Um, this is... 353 00:18:25,143 --> 00:18:27,686 - We're actually closed today, I'm afraid. - What, are we? 354 00:18:27,752 --> 00:18:31,376 Yes, because of the drainage problem, remember? 355 00:18:31,442 --> 00:18:34,505 Well, that'll explain why half your bar's covered in shit. 356 00:18:34,903 --> 00:18:37,129 There's certainly some shit in here all right. 357 00:18:37,586 --> 00:18:39,070 You should get a plumber in. 358 00:18:39,426 --> 00:18:41,042 Or maybe pest control. 359 00:18:41,108 --> 00:18:42,521 What brings you here, Paulus? 360 00:18:42,586 --> 00:18:45,669 Did you get lost on your way home to wanker land? 361 00:18:45,735 --> 00:18:47,257 I am home, Nigel. 362 00:18:47,323 --> 00:18:50,740 So you'd best round up your little two-bob mob and chip off out of here. 363 00:18:50,806 --> 00:18:53,709 - Or you can all chip off. - We ain't going nowhere. 364 00:18:53,787 --> 00:18:56,023 This is our manor and it's Blue! 365 00:18:56,089 --> 00:18:59,199 You must be going colour-blind in your old age, you Toby. 366 00:18:59,265 --> 00:19:00,670 This manor's Green. 367 00:19:00,736 --> 00:19:02,910 - Oh, yeah, says who? - We do. 368 00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:06,561 - Well, prove it, then. - Oh, yeah? You want some, you toilet? 369 00:19:11,742 --> 00:19:13,302 Please, stop! Stop it! 370 00:19:13,368 --> 00:19:14,396 Stop! 371 00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:17,521 Let us not descend into violence and hatred. 372 00:19:17,586 --> 00:19:18,971 We are better than that. 373 00:19:19,073 --> 00:19:22,787 Let's just, for one magic afternoon, put our differences aside 374 00:19:22,853 --> 00:19:26,563 and join together over our shared love of the sport 375 00:19:26,629 --> 00:19:32,643 and the values of brotherhood and respect and tolerance it promotes. 376 00:19:32,709 --> 00:19:39,138 Surely, deep down, that is what being a real fan is all about? 377 00:19:42,274 --> 00:19:43,791 Nah, sod that! 378 00:19:59,806 --> 00:20:01,684 Want some, do you?! 379 00:20:02,004 --> 00:20:03,306 Greener! 380 00:20:07,106 --> 00:20:08,421 Oi, Bluey. 381 00:20:13,062 --> 00:20:14,777 - You! - Shit... No! 382 00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:22,146 Come, bruv, come. 383 00:20:22,675 --> 00:20:24,654 - Fellas! - Go! 384 00:20:25,617 --> 00:20:26,817 Help me! 385 00:20:52,132 --> 00:20:55,237 Once again, I so, so sorry. 386 00:20:55,303 --> 00:20:57,521 Yeah, I've kind of had enough of this now, Marcus. 387 00:20:57,586 --> 00:21:00,876 What, this, as in the hooligan damage? Or this, as in me? 388 00:21:00,942 --> 00:21:04,521 Cos I really want you to be my bird slash girlfriend 389 00:21:04,586 --> 00:21:06,763 slash woman I've been on a few dates with, 390 00:21:06,829 --> 00:21:09,842 if that particular door's still open? 391 00:21:09,908 --> 00:21:12,703 Well, the door is off its hinges now, isn't it? 392 00:21:12,769 --> 00:21:16,594 So that's sort of open? Surely? 393 00:21:16,672 --> 00:21:18,566 Fine, it's open. 394 00:21:18,632 --> 00:21:21,741 - Now get it fixed before I change my mind. - I will repaint it immediately. 395 00:21:21,806 --> 00:21:24,484 No, you will buy me a new one, you tight bastard. 396 00:21:27,301 --> 00:21:30,238 So, we're not gonna try and get any Red fans down here, I take it? 397 00:21:30,304 --> 00:21:33,340 No. No way. Chariot fans are far too full on. 398 00:21:33,406 --> 00:21:35,561 That is literally what I said at the beginning. 399 00:21:35,626 --> 00:21:37,993 You can obviously have all of the Green merch, Grumio. 400 00:21:38,059 --> 00:21:39,604 No, cheers. I'm out, too. 401 00:21:39,670 --> 00:21:41,483 These chariot mugs talk a good game, 402 00:21:41,549 --> 00:21:44,118 but when you're on the deck being sat on by a bank manager, 403 00:21:44,184 --> 00:21:45,740 you find out who your real mates are. 404 00:21:45,805 --> 00:21:49,739 So the theme for our bar can go back to being sad and empty. 405 00:21:49,805 --> 00:21:51,346 Not quite, look. 406 00:21:51,412 --> 00:21:54,721 Phoenix! Welcome back, old friend. Glass of water, is it? 407 00:21:54,786 --> 00:22:00,159 Well, I need to use the loo first but, yes, water would be lovely. 408 00:22:02,865 --> 00:22:07,465 Sync and corrections: minouhse www.addic7ed.com 409 00:22:08,305 --> 00:23:08,516