"Party Down" Precious Lights Pre-School Auction

1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 2 00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:22,256 Hey, you ever read this sci-fi novel snow crash? 3 00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:24,225 Have I ever read snow crash? Yeah. 4 00:00:24,325 --> 00:00:25,759 Yeah, like for the tenth time 5 00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:26,827 As I was waiting for 6 00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:28,262 Neal Stephenson to sign my copy. 7 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:29,530 Okay so then you know the character, 8 00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:31,099 Vitaly chernobyl? 9 00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:33,734 Um, front man for 10 00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,736 Vitaly chernobyl and the meltdowns, 11 00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:38,706 Pioneer of the ukrainian nuclear fuzz-grunge movement. 12 00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:39,773 All-around badass. 13 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,243 Yes I know vitaly chernobyl. 14 00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:44,145 All right well, they're making it a movie. 15 00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:45,879 That's the part I'm going out for. 16 00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:46,914 No. 17 00:00:47,014 --> 00:00:48,382 Hell yeah. 18 00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:49,750 So you gotta help me with like a take on the character. 19 00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:51,752 Fuck no. Why not? 20 00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:53,554 Vitaly chernobyl is fucking awesome. 21 00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:55,156 You're so wrong. 22 00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:56,290 That'd be like if in "aliens" 23 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:58,859 They had cast Kate Hudson to play ripley. 24 00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:00,428 I would root for the fucking aliens. 25 00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:01,729 Okay, you know what, you wanna be turtle 26 00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:04,232 Of my entourage, you gotta start being nicer to me. 27 00:01:04,332 --> 00:01:06,834 Fuck that, fuck entourage, 28 00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:09,237 And I'd be e, you'd be turtle-- 29 00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:10,571 I'm the vince man. 30 00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:11,505 Now get my car, 31 00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:12,606 And I'll let you fuck my leftovers. 32 00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:13,907 Henry. 33 00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:17,711 Would you like me to put this stemware in the prep tent? 34 00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:25,753 Ah, 20 minutes late. 35 00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:26,887 You gonna write him up, boss man? 36 00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:28,055 Don't think I won't. 37 00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:30,090 I have a very complex demerit system. 38 00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:35,896 Does the new guy have a daughter, too? 39 00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:38,199 Yeah. 40 00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:41,202 Oh. 41 00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:43,537 Yeah, they're very close. 42 00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:58,619 Okay Kyle, you take the south lawn bar; 43 00:01:58,719 --> 00:01:59,653 I'll take the north. 44 00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:02,122 Okay Ron, you and Casey will serve. 45 00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:03,291 And lydia, you and Roman 46 00:02:03,391 --> 00:02:04,758 Will handle the prep work, okay? 47 00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:05,893 But, Henry... 48 00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:06,894 Oh, captain, my captain. 49 00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:07,895 That's gross. 50 00:02:07,995 --> 00:02:09,563 Ron what do you need? 51 00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:11,098 We gonna put out the tip jar today? 52 00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:12,466 There's a tip jar? 53 00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:13,367 We get tips? 54 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:14,368 Not since Henry took over. 55 00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:15,669 I'm just saying-- 56 00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:17,070 I've worked a bunch of these school auctions. 57 00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:18,706 And people just want to show off. 58 00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,073 You know, so they wave around their lincolns 59 00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:21,108 And their Hamilton's. 60 00:02:21,209 --> 00:02:22,243 Like, "Look at me! Look at me! 61 00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:24,512 I own a hotel on park place!" 62 00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:26,113 Yeah Ron, you're right, tip jar! 63 00:02:26,214 --> 00:02:28,048 You know, tip jar! 64 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,484 Tip jar! Tip jar! 65 00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:31,485 Tip jar! 66 00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:33,754 No, we are not putting out the tip jar. 67 00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:34,888 We're just gonna go with the guarantee. 68 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:35,823 Is there anything else? 69 00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:36,890 Tip jar. 70 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,192 Yeah, what do I know? 71 00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:39,627 I've only been doing this for like eight years. 72 00:02:39,727 --> 00:02:40,928 What do I know? 73 00:02:41,729 --> 00:02:42,796 What's that? 74 00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:44,998 I can't hear you. 75 00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:46,367 Can I see you outside for a second? 76 00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:47,501 Sure. 77 00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:50,804 What's up Ron? 78 00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:53,841 See what I just did? 79 00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:55,108 What? 80 00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:56,644 I'm modeling managerial behavior. 81 00:02:56,744 --> 00:02:59,413 I removed the actor from the audience Henry. 82 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:00,948 Okay, see when people are acting up, 83 00:03:01,048 --> 00:03:04,051 You deprive them of the oxygen that fuels the fire-- 84 00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:05,286 Yeah, but Ron, 85 00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:08,489 You were the "actor" in this scenario so-- 86 00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:10,558 Okay take my advice, or don't. 87 00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:11,692 Put out the tip jar, or don't. 88 00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:12,726 Your call Henry. 89 00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:14,061 Okay. Really, I mean-- 90 00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:15,128 But you're gonna be killing yourself 91 00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:16,163 Trying to be their friend. 92 00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:18,065 It's better that they respect you-- 93 00:03:18,165 --> 00:03:19,333 Okay, let's see here, um-- 94 00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:22,270 Hey Ron, those are some pretty vile 95 00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:23,604 Pit stains you've got there, 96 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,373 Why don't you put on a wind-breaker from the van 97 00:03:25,473 --> 00:03:27,708 So the guests don't puke. 98 00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:30,244 Oh and also, if you're fucking 20 minutes late again, 99 00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:31,979 Don't bother showing up. 100 00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:39,920 Um, something like that? 101 00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,936 Uncanny x-men number four. 102 00:03:57,805 --> 00:03:59,340 Holy shit! 103 00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:11,685 So was there like an exact moment 104 00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:14,054 When you knew that you were gonna quit acting? 105 00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:16,023 Yeah I guess when I saw my picture 106 00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:18,258 Next to Joe isuzu in a tv guide 107 00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:19,827 "Where are they now" thing, 108 00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,995 I was pretty sure it was the only honorable path. 109 00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:24,164 Why? 110 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:27,134 I auditioned for this apatow movie today. 111 00:04:27,234 --> 00:04:28,135 That's great. 112 00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:29,337 Why do you sound like 113 00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:31,639 You're considering early retirement? 114 00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:33,374 I'm just like, sitting there in the waiting room 115 00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:35,609 And there's all these girls 116 00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:38,045 And they all look exactly like me, 117 00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:39,380 And I know that they're thinking 118 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:40,914 The exact same thing that I'm thinking, 119 00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:42,516 It was crazy, 120 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:46,186 It was like this flash of insignificance. 121 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,455 So how'd it go? 122 00:04:47,555 --> 00:04:49,056 They laughed, so-- 123 00:04:49,156 --> 00:04:50,791 Well that's good. 124 00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:53,761 It's just this one scene, but it's so good. 125 00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:55,396 I don't want to put too much stock in it, 126 00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:57,898 But I sort of feel like if I get this, 127 00:04:57,998 --> 00:04:59,667 It'll pretty much validate 128 00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:01,735 Every single decision I've ever made 129 00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:04,572 In my entire life that led me to this very moment. 130 00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:07,575 Wow, well, it's good to put all of your eggs in one place 131 00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:09,009 Where you can really keep your eye on them-- 132 00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:12,846 Maybe you could keep that on silent? 133 00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:14,147 These are my thick pants. 134 00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:15,148 So I can't feel the vibration-- 135 00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:16,149 Right. 136 00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:17,418 Hello? 137 00:05:18,386 --> 00:05:20,220 Well what's the audition for? 138 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,189 No, I can't go to Anaheim 139 00:05:22,289 --> 00:05:25,058 Because I have the sunday groundlings show. 140 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,694 Yeah, fine. 141 00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:30,297 Okay just-- will you send me the breakdown-- 142 00:05:30,398 --> 00:05:32,366 Okay thanks. 143 00:05:33,501 --> 00:05:34,902 If you're finished with your phone call, 144 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,004 I was hoping I could bother you for a glass of wine. 145 00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:39,673 Is that a chardonnay or a riesling you have there? 146 00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:42,275 White wine. 147 00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:44,812 Didn't I say, go with valhalla? 148 00:05:44,912 --> 00:05:46,647 You did mrs. Doyle. 149 00:05:46,747 --> 00:05:48,782 You get what you pay for, ms. Legros. 150 00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:51,251 You're right as usual, mrs. Doyle-- 151 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,653 I apologize. 152 00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:56,289 I am so sorry, she can be a little-- 153 00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:58,191 Cunty? 154 00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:01,028 Yeah, that's the word, cunty. 155 00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:03,196 Unfortunately, she is the one who's gonna write 156 00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:04,498 A letter of recommendation for my son, 157 00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:07,134 So I have to kiss her ass until it's done. 158 00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:09,069 So, groundlings--? 159 00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:10,070 I used to be in groundlings-- 160 00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:11,539 No way. 161 00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:12,540 Let me get nice levels for you, 162 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:13,507 So everybody can hear you. 163 00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:14,842 I need that higher. 164 00:06:14,942 --> 00:06:15,909 How's that? 165 00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:18,912 My god. 166 00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:23,150 I can bring it lower. 167 00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:24,652 All right, this is all you need to know 168 00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:26,053 About Los Angeles schools all right? 169 00:06:26,153 --> 00:06:29,222 There are 300 kindergarten slots in top quality schools. 170 00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:32,192 50,000 parents battling it out 171 00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:33,393 To get their kids in. 172 00:06:33,494 --> 00:06:35,295 But your kid gets into a top elementary, 173 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,397 Then they go to harvard-westlake or brentwood, 174 00:06:37,498 --> 00:06:39,232 Straight shot to yale or stanford. 175 00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:42,135 How do you get into one of these top quality schools? 176 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,203 Three ways. 177 00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:44,538 You can be absurdly wealthy, 178 00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:45,573 You can be famous, 179 00:06:45,673 --> 00:06:46,974 Or, you can take my path, 180 00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:49,376 Where you volunteer to run the pre-school silent auction 181 00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:51,712 Which is why I have officially retired 182 00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:53,113 From the comedy community. 183 00:06:53,213 --> 00:06:54,414 And here I am: 184 00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:59,252 Taking seriously the shit I used to make fun of. 185 00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:01,755 I have spent a year of my life 186 00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,857 Busting my ass mom-wrangling, 187 00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:06,226 And today, the director says if we don't meet our goal, 188 00:07:06,326 --> 00:07:07,895 There's no letter of recommendation. 189 00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,229 No. 190 00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:10,931 Janice werkhoven. 191 00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:13,066 What is that? 192 00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:15,368 It is a wine and cheese basket from greenblatt's. 193 00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:16,470 Some top-flight bottles in here. 194 00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:17,605 A couple 92s-- 195 00:07:17,705 --> 00:07:18,672 Yeah I thought you were putting up 196 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:21,141 Cooking lessons with wolfgang puck! 197 00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:23,544 Yeah, that kinda fell through. 198 00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:26,514 At least look me in the eye when you're fucking me-- 199 00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:28,482 Oh but why would you worry right? 200 00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:29,750 Of course those starfuckers 201 00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:31,985 At penhall academy are gonna take your kid, right? 202 00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:34,121 'cause your husband's movie opened huge. 203 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:39,092 You don't carpool with her, do you? 204 00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:40,828 Hello and welcome 205 00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:43,531 To the precious lights silent auction! 206 00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:47,167 I'm mrs. Doyle, 207 00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:49,803 The director of precious lights. 208 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:54,274 The auction closes at six p.m. Sharp 209 00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:58,211 At which time I expect to see our total 210 00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:01,915 Above the 250,000 dollar-- 211 00:08:14,461 --> 00:08:15,796 Mark. 212 00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:25,238 Yeah yeah, super tough right? 213 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:26,239 And then the guy has the-- 214 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,908 Hey so I thought about it, 215 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:32,813 And um, you might not totally suck as vitaly chernobyl, 216 00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:35,515 So if you want me to help you work 217 00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:37,651 On character development-- 218 00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:38,886 Oh you know what, I got it taken care of. 219 00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:41,555 See lane here, is a huge snow crash fan, 220 00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:43,356 Yeah, yeah we've been breaking it down a little bit. 221 00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,559 I think I'm gonna play it kinda like pitt in "12 monkeys". 222 00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:47,294 Unhinged, you know-- 223 00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:48,596 Touch of Magnolia cruise. 224 00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:50,698 All testosterone. 225 00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:52,966 Great big balls just dragging in the dirt. 226 00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:54,034 Love it. 227 00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:56,303 Sounds like you guys got it covered. 228 00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:58,005 We got it, it's good. 229 00:08:58,105 --> 00:08:59,740 Can I talk to you for a second? 230 00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:02,910 Thanks buddy. Thank you. 231 00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:05,713 What's up. 232 00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:07,848 Lend me 80 bucks. 233 00:09:07,948 --> 00:09:09,182 Why? 234 00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:11,952 Some dipshit is auctioning off uncanny x-men #4. 235 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,053 Right now the bid's at 75 dollars. 236 00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:15,055 It's worth at least four times that. 237 00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,857 Oh okay, so that's why all-of-a-sudden 238 00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:19,359 I'm an awesome vitaly chernobyl-- 239 00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:21,528 I said you might not totally suck-- 240 00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:22,630 That's all you got? 241 00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:23,731 Really, to sweet talk me out of the stack 242 00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:26,233 Of 20s in my wallet, that's it? 243 00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:28,201 Dude, you are a terrible actor. 244 00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:29,336 That's horrible. 245 00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:31,038 Look who's fucking talking. 246 00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:31,905 What? 247 00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:33,540 You're not even an actor. 248 00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:35,909 You're a haircut okay? What does that even mean? 249 00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,044 You know the difference between 250 00:09:37,144 --> 00:09:38,912 You and James vanderbeeks' parrot? 251 00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:41,815 The parrot can deliver a line. 252 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,550 Whatever high school drama coach 253 00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:45,919 Filled the void between your ears with big ideas 254 00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:49,690 Probably just wanted to give little Kyle a couple tugs. 255 00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,925 He had no idea he was creating a monster. 256 00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:55,896 Fucking can't act creature from the no talent lagoon. 257 00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:02,235 I'm sorry. 258 00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:04,071 I'm sorry that was-- 259 00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:06,073 I was just-- I was just fucking with you. 260 00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:07,474 Shut the fuck up man. 261 00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:08,742 I'm probably just jealous 262 00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:12,245 You know, that you might get a part in that movie-- 263 00:10:13,881 --> 00:10:15,749 I didn't mean it. 264 00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:20,220 Just a haircut, huh? 265 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:21,554 Fuck you, bitch. 266 00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:23,190 You just took the master class. 267 00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:24,357 Foo! 268 00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:27,127 Good one. 269 00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:29,296 Can I get that 80 bucks? 270 00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:34,267 What is wrong with your people? 271 00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:35,836 They're vulgar. 272 00:10:35,936 --> 00:10:37,838 They're drinking on the job. 273 00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:38,972 Taking personal phone calls. 274 00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:40,240 And you've got one out there 275 00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:42,409 With whom I think you need to have a Frank talk 276 00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:44,577 About personal hygiene. 277 00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:46,513 Do you know which one I'm talking about? 278 00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:48,248 I do. 279 00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:49,683 Good. 280 00:10:49,783 --> 00:10:51,118 Then handle it. 281 00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:52,219 Okay. 282 00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:54,855 My lady. 283 00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:56,356 You have a very nice day. 284 00:10:58,058 --> 00:11:00,560 Thanks Roman, that was helpful. 285 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,095 Word up. 286 00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:17,277 Oh hey, boss. 287 00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:18,445 Hey-- 288 00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:22,015 Okay what is this, what're you doing? 289 00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:23,250 I'm you Henry. 290 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,184 You're me? 291 00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:26,019 This job is beneath me so I mope around 292 00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:27,755 And I pop pills and I drink 293 00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:29,022 And I have sex with my co-workers-- 294 00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:30,791 Okay so you stole my vicodin? 295 00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:32,125 Was it stealing at all those parties 296 00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:34,261 When you'd drink the host's booze? 297 00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,328 Probably. 298 00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:37,865 Was it stealing when you used to smoke my weed? 299 00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:39,499 Oh you mean when you'd pass me a joint 300 00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:40,768 And tell me not to be a pussy? 301 00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:41,701 I don't think that qualifies. 302 00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:43,270 Now look Ron-- 303 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,072 You didn't make it easy for me when I was top banana Henry. 304 00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:46,573 Okay so what's good for the goose 305 00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:48,308 Is good for the gander. 306 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,477 Um, that actually means that the same rules 307 00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:51,879 Should apply for men and women. 308 00:11:51,979 --> 00:11:53,480 I'm a man, Henry-- 309 00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:55,582 Ron, you asked me for this job, right? 310 00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:56,583 Yeah, and who'da thunk? 311 00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:57,617 You, on top of the world. 312 00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:58,551 And me, working for you. 313 00:11:58,651 --> 00:11:59,686 Huh? 314 00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:01,221 That's like "Trading places", 315 00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:02,722 And I'm Dan Aykroyd and you're eddie money. 316 00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:03,824 Eddie money? 317 00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:06,026 And mandy is my Jamie Lee Curtis, 318 00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:08,161 She saved me from being a bum. 319 00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:09,229 And uda-- 320 00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,098 Uda is your black lady in the bikini, yeah. 321 00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:11,932 Doesn't matter-- 322 00:12:12,032 --> 00:12:12,933 At the end of the movie 323 00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:14,201 With Billy ray Valentine, 324 00:12:14,301 --> 00:12:15,102 He's in a hot tub 325 00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:16,069 And the black lady with the bikini. 326 00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:18,138 Ron it's not "Trading places". 327 00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:19,907 You're not Dan Aykroyd, I'm not Eddie Murphy. 328 00:12:20,007 --> 00:12:21,641 I'm definitely not eddie money, 329 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,710 Just take the wind-breaker, 330 00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:25,278 And put it on this time, okay? 331 00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:27,347 We're getting complaints. 332 00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:29,817 I'm Dan Aykroyd. 333 00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:31,518 You're not Dan Aykroyd. 334 00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:33,186 Says Eddie Murphy. 335 00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:34,955 Tell that fucking prick two hit shows in five years 336 00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:37,290 Is enough to get most guys fired. 337 00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:38,425 He must really be sucking the shit out of mickey's 338 00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:41,194 Little rodent cock over there at mouschwitz. 339 00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:42,930 Scotch rocks. 340 00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:44,464 If he wants the tv rights, 341 00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:47,000 He's gonna have to work some of that magic on my ball sack. 342 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,969 Yeah, tell him to bring knee pads 343 00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:51,638 And an appetite for man juice. 344 00:12:51,738 --> 00:12:53,206 Let's go, it's not a fuckin' souffle. 345 00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:54,908 It's you know, ice and scotch. 346 00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:56,709 The eastons are auctioning their Sun Valley cabin 347 00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:58,111 For a week this summer. 348 00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:00,280 The summer? 349 00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:02,615 What do people do in Idaho in the summer? 350 00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:04,617 What do they wait for the rapture? 351 00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:05,986 Hoard food? 352 00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:07,554 Practice goose-stepping? 353 00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:08,922 What the hell are we auctioning? 354 00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:10,858 Lunch with Tom Hanks. 355 00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:13,760 Don't die Leonard. 356 00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:15,495 We're in the final year of my pre-nup. 357 00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:18,899 When we met you said you and Tom are close-- 358 00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:20,567 I was trying to get into your pants. 359 00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:21,601 Hanks hasn't talked to me since 360 00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:22,970 I put him in Turner and fucking hooch. 361 00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:24,304 I can't make a lunch happen. 362 00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:25,805 Fine. 363 00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:26,874 So win the auction. 364 00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:29,742 It'll impress the school director. 365 00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:31,178 Oh hey, stilskin, 366 00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:34,114 Your Edgar Allen poe movie sucked ass. 367 00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:37,084 350 million dollars world-wide there four eyes. 368 00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:38,785 Why don't you get me a little fucking umbrella 369 00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:40,020 For my cocktail before they call you back 370 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,055 To the set of the big bang theory. 371 00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:45,425 I mean come on, channing tatum as young Lincoln? 372 00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:46,693 Are you shitting me? 373 00:13:46,793 --> 00:13:48,996 You could have had Henry here at scale. 374 00:13:49,096 --> 00:13:51,298 Taylor's sweet 16? 375 00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:53,666 The fucking are-we-having-fun-yet guy. 376 00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:54,601 All right, I'll tell you what Henry, 377 00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:55,969 Take off your shirt. 378 00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:57,070 If you've got abs like channing tatum, 379 00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,338 I'll make you a big fucking star. 380 00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:01,608 See this is a business, 381 00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:03,576 Fucking idiots. 382 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:04,577 Check out my wife here. 383 00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:05,712 Her nipples got hard 384 00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:06,846 Just at the combination of the two words: 385 00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:08,548 Channing and tatum. 386 00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:10,117 Fuck you, Leonard. 387 00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:13,586 Goddamn honey, it's a compliment. 388 00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:16,023 I trust those nips of yours more than any focus group. 389 00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:19,192 Casey! Yeah. 390 00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:20,427 Casey. 391 00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:24,531 How much you think I can get for a 1998 grand marquis? 392 00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,867 Why are you asking me that? 393 00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:30,870 Rag top, fully loaded, it has air, power windows, 394 00:14:36,944 --> 00:14:38,946 Every saturday was the uncle fuzzy show. 395 00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:40,313 All the birthday kids 396 00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:44,151 Got to reach into the fun tub and pick out their present. 397 00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:47,254 And then uncle fuzzy himself would give them a tickle. 398 00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:49,222 Creepy. 399 00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:51,524 So when my birthday was coming around 400 00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:54,061 I took a polaroid of myself, I put it in an envelope, 401 00:14:54,161 --> 00:14:56,229 And gave it to my mom to mail. 402 00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:58,765 Six months later I opened up 403 00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:00,467 The glove compartment in my mom's car, 404 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:01,534 Guess what I found? 405 00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:03,670 My envelope 406 00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:06,039 For uncle fuzzy. 407 00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:08,441 And when I asked my mom why she had never mailed it to him, 408 00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:11,144 She said, "why waste a perfectly good stamp?" 409 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,780 Uh sorry, don't mean to be a buzz-kill, 410 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,015 But we're kinda getting the evil eye 411 00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:15,983 From the people running the party-- 412 00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:17,317 Hey listen, comrade stalin. 413 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,519 We're kinda in the middle of a big decision here. 414 00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:20,620 Mm-hmm. 415 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,189 I made a promise to myself 416 00:15:22,289 --> 00:15:26,926 That I would support my daughter escapade's dreams, 417 00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:32,099 And Tom Hanks would love escapade. 418 00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:33,900 I'm gonna do it. 419 00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:35,135 And I'm sell that grand marquis 420 00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:36,903 To pay off the bill-- 421 00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:38,571 You're not gonna get a grand for that shitbox. 422 00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:41,241 I think you need to set the bar a little bit lower. 423 00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:42,375 You're never gonna get hanks, 424 00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:44,711 R Kelly maybe, if he's available-- 425 00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:46,813 Oh get away from my x-men, old man. 426 00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:48,048 Okay wait a second, 427 00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:49,582 Bidding on the hanks lunch? 428 00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:52,485 No don't do that lydia, that's a waste of time-- 429 00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:53,920 "Waste of time," yeah. 430 00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:56,089 "Waste of a stamp." I don't know-- 431 00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:57,157 Pack on 50 pounds, 432 00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:58,858 And work a Virginia slim in each hand, 433 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,227 And you could be my mom. 434 00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:01,161 No, lydia. 435 00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:02,495 I just heard stiltskin say 436 00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:04,497 That he can't make the hanks lunch happen, 437 00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:07,634 So he's gonna outbid anyone who tries to win it. 438 00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:09,002 Do you even remember 439 00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:11,638 What it was like to have a dream? 440 00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:13,340 I'm gonna be in the tent. 441 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:14,607 Melon-balling. 442 00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:17,344 With one hand. 443 00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:21,081 Hey, I wanted to ask you if-- 444 00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:23,183 If you could maybe stay off your phone 445 00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:24,684 For the remainder of the event, 446 00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:26,219 That'd be terrific. 447 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:27,954 Listen, didn't we always used to say 448 00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:29,089 That they don't pay us enough 449 00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:31,224 To give a shit about any of this? 450 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:34,261 But as a team leader, they kinda do, 451 00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:36,963 And I'm kinda used to the health insurance Casey, 452 00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:38,798 You know, and I was able to move out 453 00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:40,700 Of my studio apartment into a one bedroom. 454 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:41,701 With a view. 455 00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:43,103 Wow. Okay? 456 00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:44,737 It's a view of a taco bell, but still, it's a view. 457 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:45,805 Fine. 458 00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:47,040 I will stay off the phone. 459 00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:49,109 Thanks. Mmm-hmm. Thank you. 460 00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:51,811 Hey Bruce, I just got the breakdown that you sent me 461 00:16:51,911 --> 00:16:56,149 For the "perky suburban mom?" minivan commercial thing? 462 00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:58,285 That's a joke right? 463 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,788 Because I'm not "Mom" material, 464 00:17:01,888 --> 00:17:04,991 Man, I'm acerbic 20-something. 465 00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:07,494 You know, I'm funny but fuckable waitress-- 466 00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:08,795 No-- 467 00:17:11,298 --> 00:17:13,433 God, fuckity-fuck fuck fuck. 468 00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:15,835 Hey there, sport. 469 00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:17,570 Hey. Hi. 470 00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:19,005 Need help? 471 00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:21,374 I just-- I haven't done that in a while. 472 00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:22,709 Great, yeah. 473 00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:24,477 Oh, you know what, no. 474 00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:25,745 I can't do that. 475 00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:26,846 Every time I steal a cigarette 476 00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:29,316 My son tells me I smell like grandpa. 477 00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:30,983 My son, who's gonna have to put himself 478 00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:33,086 Through trade school sucking off truck drivers 479 00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:35,822 Because we're 30,000 dollars short 480 00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:37,490 And there's 40 minutes left. 481 00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:40,293 Why are you staring at me? 482 00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,495 Actually just having this crazy revelation. 483 00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:46,833 I just told my agent that I can't play a suburban mom, 484 00:17:46,933 --> 00:17:48,435 But then I look at you, 485 00:17:48,535 --> 00:17:51,238 And this whole "Verge of hysteria" thing, 486 00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:53,606 That's-- I can do that, I can totally do that. 487 00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:56,709 Yeah wow, auditions. 488 00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:57,944 I do not miss that. 489 00:17:58,044 --> 00:17:59,279 They're awful. 490 00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:00,747 Sitting in a casting room 491 00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:03,283 With a dozen women that look exactly like you. 492 00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:04,884 Who would murder each other 493 00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:07,019 To get a couple lines on Becker. 494 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:08,288 Waiting around, oh you didn't get the part. 495 00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:09,722 You were too funny. 496 00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:10,723 You're not funny enough. 497 00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:11,758 Oh you're too tall. 498 00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:13,160 You're too cold, you're too-- 499 00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:15,228 I've gotten "Too jew-y" before. 500 00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:17,063 Really. Yeah, 501 00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:20,133 And I was reading for "diary of anne Frank." so-- 502 00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:23,736 Mysterious, yeah. 503 00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:24,704 You know what, seriously 504 00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:26,439 Would much rather just be shooting hoops 505 00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:28,040 In the driveway with sam. 506 00:18:28,141 --> 00:18:29,476 I don't know how you do it. 507 00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:32,879 Auction ends in 30 minutes. 508 00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:35,348 I am so fucked. 509 00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,950 Hey, how much money did you you say you needed 510 00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:39,319 To reach your goal? 511 00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:42,255 No, listen to me. 512 00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:43,356 Third wife-- no kids. 513 00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:44,524 You put your foot down on that. 514 00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,959 Okay well my plan only calls for two wives. 515 00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:48,795 Yeah see, first one-- crazy vegas wedding 516 00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:50,297 With someone more famous than me. 517 00:18:50,397 --> 00:18:51,898 You know, gets me in the tabloids. 518 00:18:51,998 --> 00:18:52,899 I dunno, a lohan. 519 00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:54,601 Maybe an Olsen twin. 520 00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,170 Shit, I'm gonna-- 521 00:18:57,937 --> 00:18:59,739 Someone outbid you, Leonard. 522 00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,774 Jesus christ on a fuck-stick! 523 00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:03,410 I bid 20-cum-sucking-grand! 524 00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:06,012 What kind of retarded starfucker outbid me? 525 00:19:06,112 --> 00:19:06,979 Tom's an icon, 526 00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:08,114 This is l.a. 527 00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:10,116 People have disposable income. 528 00:19:10,217 --> 00:19:11,551 You once told me you'd drink two pints 529 00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,886 Of ape sperm to play pebble beach with Tiger Woods. 530 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:14,854 Yeah but that's sports. 531 00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:15,922 Sports are cool. 532 00:19:16,022 --> 00:19:17,257 Tom Hanks is a grown man 533 00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:19,492 Who wears eyeliner and plays make believe. 534 00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:20,927 It's faggy. 535 00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,762 Fuck, what's the new bid? 536 00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:23,896 40. 537 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,032 40 grand-- another fucking 20 grand? 538 00:19:26,132 --> 00:19:27,434 Jesus. 539 00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:29,302 Would you prefer eight years of driving to The Valley 540 00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:31,003 For every school function? 541 00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:33,806 Maybe you could just call Tom and beg. 542 00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:35,174 Hey this is your fault 543 00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:37,009 And I'm firing your fucking tennis coach. 544 00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:38,245 Okay, you can find somebody 545 00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:39,512 Who'll fuck you for free. 546 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,715 He's a pilates instructor. 547 00:19:43,216 --> 00:19:44,884 Dick. 548 00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:46,853 Vodka red bull. 549 00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:49,822 Oh shit, that was awkward. 550 00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:52,259 What was? 551 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,861 You know-- if he remembered us hooking up. 552 00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:56,963 I don't remember us hooking up. 553 00:19:57,063 --> 00:20:01,301 Oh uh, well we did... 554 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:04,637 Sounds like it was awesome. 555 00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:07,073 Hello moms and dads! 556 00:20:07,173 --> 00:20:09,742 This is your last chance to put in your bids. 557 00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:12,178 I'm telling you, I have inside information, 558 00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:13,112 This is definitely gonna work. 559 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:14,213 The auction ends in... 560 00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:15,615 This is so dumb. 561 00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,684 Not only won't I get a letter of recommendation, 562 00:20:17,784 --> 00:20:20,253 But now I'm on the hook for 40,000 dollars. 563 00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:22,088 I'm so fucked. 564 00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:24,924 18, 17, 16... 565 00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:26,493 Oh my god. 566 00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:31,698 Hey look, look. 567 00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:32,732 11... 568 00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:36,803 Ten, nine, eight... 569 00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:40,707 Oh, I think sammy maybe just got into stanford. 570 00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:42,775 Here we go! 571 00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:46,846 Four, three, two, one! 572 00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:49,015 Moms and dads! 573 00:20:49,115 --> 00:20:50,783 I have some very good news. 574 00:20:50,883 --> 00:20:54,487 We have just reached our fund raising total. 575 00:20:57,657 --> 00:21:00,126 I would like to say a very special thank you 576 00:21:00,226 --> 00:21:02,762 To our auction chairwoman, 577 00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:04,431 Ms. Annie legros. 578 00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:06,265 Come on up here. 579 00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:07,867 Oooh, see? 580 00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:08,901 Suburban mom! 581 00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:10,202 Not such a bad gig. 582 00:21:10,303 --> 00:21:11,604 And don't forget everyone, 583 00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:12,972 I want you to stick around 584 00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:15,375 For our precious lights singers-- 585 00:21:22,515 --> 00:21:24,216 And then he says, "Don't do it; 586 00:21:24,317 --> 00:21:26,319 It's a waste of time." 587 00:21:26,419 --> 00:21:27,854 And I was like, 588 00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:31,123 Uh yeah, well we know you've given up on your dreams, Henry, 589 00:21:31,223 --> 00:21:32,525 But does that mean that you have poop 590 00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:33,760 On everybody else's pound cake? 591 00:21:33,860 --> 00:21:36,329 It's gone to his head-- being team leader. 592 00:21:36,429 --> 00:21:37,330 Now, he's rubbed my nose in it 593 00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:39,198 Ever since I got here today. 594 00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:40,333 See that's why I'm trying to give him 595 00:21:40,433 --> 00:21:41,300 A taste of his own medicine. 596 00:21:41,401 --> 00:21:42,268 Popping pills 597 00:21:42,369 --> 00:21:43,570 And sulking. 598 00:21:43,670 --> 00:21:45,972 Now, all I gotta do is try to convince Casey 599 00:21:46,072 --> 00:21:49,141 To sneak off with me, have sex. 600 00:21:49,241 --> 00:21:50,843 Uh-oh, I don't think your little girlfriend's 601 00:21:50,943 --> 00:21:52,111 Gonna like that too much. 602 00:21:52,211 --> 00:21:53,913 No not really have sex with me. 603 00:21:54,013 --> 00:21:55,482 See, this is what Henry and Casey used to do 604 00:21:55,582 --> 00:21:57,316 When I was team leader. 605 00:21:57,417 --> 00:21:59,151 You know, and I just want him to acknowledge 606 00:21:59,251 --> 00:22:01,788 The fact that he put me through some shit. 607 00:22:01,888 --> 00:22:05,625 But I don't think Casey's gonna for it. 608 00:22:06,859 --> 00:22:08,528 Well. 609 00:22:08,628 --> 00:22:10,329 Would any co-worker do? 610 00:22:24,811 --> 00:22:28,180 Hey, I've decided to make a list 611 00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:30,016 Of reasons why you shouldn't quit. 612 00:22:31,551 --> 00:22:34,020 Um, I'm actually only thinking of two, 613 00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:36,122 But still, I think that qualifies as a "list"-- 614 00:22:36,222 --> 00:22:38,224 I got the part. 615 00:22:38,324 --> 00:22:39,559 In the apatow movie. 616 00:22:39,659 --> 00:22:40,860 What? 617 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,194 Holy shit, really? 618 00:22:42,294 --> 00:22:44,096 I have a wardrobe fitting on monday. 619 00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:45,865 That's great! 620 00:22:46,933 --> 00:22:47,900 Oh, okay. 621 00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:50,169 Wow, that's great. 622 00:22:50,269 --> 00:22:52,839 Thank you for making a list though! 623 00:22:52,939 --> 00:22:55,007 Sure, no problem. 624 00:22:55,107 --> 00:22:57,109 Hey can I uh, buy you a drink? 625 00:22:58,044 --> 00:22:59,145 Yes, 626 00:22:59,245 --> 00:23:01,714 Yes you can-- you can buy me a drink. 627 00:23:01,814 --> 00:23:02,915 So Henry, 628 00:23:03,015 --> 00:23:05,017 You were like a big deal at one point. Yeah. 629 00:23:05,117 --> 00:23:06,553 You gotta tell me what to do. 630 00:23:06,653 --> 00:23:08,888 Like who do I-- how do I know which of the little people 631 00:23:08,988 --> 00:23:10,322 To like, totally crush? 632 00:23:10,423 --> 00:23:11,658 Oh it's just totally random. 633 00:23:11,758 --> 00:23:14,093 You just start arbitrarily fucking people over. 634 00:23:14,193 --> 00:23:15,762 Cool, I can do that. 635 00:23:19,466 --> 00:23:22,502 Is somebody slaughtering a water Buffalo in there? 636 00:23:22,602 --> 00:23:25,071 Well, I'm pretty sure this is for my benefit. 637 00:23:25,872 --> 00:23:27,373 I feel daddy dick. 638 00:23:27,474 --> 00:23:28,608 Oh you love daddy dick don't you? 639 00:23:28,708 --> 00:23:29,842 I love daddy dick. 640 00:23:29,942 --> 00:23:32,144 Well Ron certainly sounds like a world class lover. 641 00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:33,813 Yeah, he has real staying power. 642 00:23:33,913 --> 00:23:35,482 Sir! 643 00:23:35,582 --> 00:23:37,650 I would like you and your crew 644 00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:39,919 Off this property immediately! 645 00:23:40,019 --> 00:23:41,654 Come along children. 646 00:23:41,754 --> 00:23:43,523 Your supervisor will be hearing from me. 647 00:23:43,623 --> 00:23:45,892 Hippity hop everybody, hippity hop. 648 00:23:45,992 --> 00:23:47,960 You can't handle the truth! 649 00:23:48,060 --> 00:23:49,862 "The truth" being the name I gave my penis. 650 00:23:49,962 --> 00:23:51,263 Henry? 651 00:23:51,363 --> 00:23:53,099 Yeah. 652 00:23:53,199 --> 00:23:56,969 Is it too late for me to apologize 653 00:23:57,069 --> 00:24:00,106 For being an asshole about you being the boss? 654 00:24:00,206 --> 00:24:02,542 'cause I can kinda see now 655 00:24:02,642 --> 00:24:05,444 How much of a suck-ass job it is. 656 00:24:06,112 --> 00:24:07,747 Ron? 657 00:24:07,847 --> 00:24:09,482 Is that Ron? 658 00:24:10,082 --> 00:24:11,618 Shit! 659 00:24:12,451 --> 00:24:14,120 Take my big fat dick. 660 00:24:14,220 --> 00:24:15,788 Take my big fat dick. 661 00:24:15,888 --> 00:24:18,024 Can you take it? Oh yeah baby! 662 00:24:19,358 --> 00:24:21,794 Yeah cock master, yeah! 663 00:24:21,894 --> 00:24:24,463 Get in, balls too, there's room. 664 00:24:24,564 --> 00:24:25,798 Yeah, now! 665 00:24:25,898 --> 00:24:27,299 Now that you have everything in there-- 666 00:24:27,399 --> 00:24:28,935 Hey guys. 667 00:24:34,707 --> 00:24:37,476 Did it really sound like we were having sex? 668 00:24:37,577 --> 00:24:39,211 I'm sorry Henry, I'm sorry. 669 00:24:39,311 --> 00:24:40,580 Was it something we said? 670 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:42,682 That's very funny. 671 00:24:42,782 --> 00:24:45,685 Ron, mandy just took off in your car. 672 00:24:45,785 --> 00:24:47,854 She was outside the tent for that last bit. 673 00:24:48,921 --> 00:24:49,822 Mandy! 674 00:24:49,922 --> 00:24:51,157 Mandy! 675 00:24:59,999 --> 00:25:01,200 Well there's a lesson in there somewhere right? 676 00:25:01,300 --> 00:25:02,535 Hey, fuck face. 677 00:25:02,635 --> 00:25:04,403 I just found that that bitch who was bidding against me 678 00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:06,405 Is some flat broke divorcee. 679 00:25:06,505 --> 00:25:07,640 You fucked me, didn't you? 680 00:25:07,740 --> 00:25:09,909 You, you cost me 20 grand. 681 00:25:10,009 --> 00:25:13,980 All right, here's a promise, you fucking has-been never-was. 682 00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:16,148 You'll never work in this town again. 683 00:25:19,318 --> 00:25:20,620 I know. 684 00:25:37,670 --> 00:25:39,005 Lydia, what happened to your arm? 685 00:25:39,105 --> 00:25:40,673 Oh, Henry. 686 00:25:40,773 --> 00:25:42,408 It's so sweet of you to notice. 687 00:25:42,508 --> 00:25:43,943 It's escapade. 688 00:25:44,043 --> 00:25:45,678 We were working on our trust falls 689 00:25:45,778 --> 00:25:47,279 And I guess it was kinda silly of me 690 00:25:47,379 --> 00:25:48,615 To expect at 14 year old 691 00:25:48,715 --> 00:25:50,883 To be able to catch my dead weight. 692 00:25:50,983 --> 00:25:52,685 Trust falls? 693 00:25:52,785 --> 00:25:54,053 You live and learn. 694 00:25:55,287 --> 00:25:56,623 Hey, so did you get it? 695 00:25:56,723 --> 00:25:59,358 Oh yeah man, right here. 696 00:25:59,458 --> 00:26:02,028 Uncanny x-men numero quatro. 697 00:26:02,128 --> 00:26:03,596 300, right? Yeah. 698 00:26:05,031 --> 00:26:07,900 Oh, nice. 699 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:08,901 Okay so uh-- 700 00:26:09,001 --> 00:26:11,203 20, 30-- 701 00:26:11,303 --> 00:26:13,039 Told you so. 702 00:26:13,139 --> 00:26:15,274 50-- 703 00:26:15,374 --> 00:26:16,943 I'm gonna make a pile here. 704 00:27:15,334 --> 00:27:17,003 Tree! 704 00:27:18,305 --> 00:28:18,908