"Party Down" Cole Landry's Draft Day Party

1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE www.osdb.link/lm 2 00:00:27,295 --> 00:00:28,396 Hey. 3 00:00:30,598 --> 00:00:31,699 Everything okay? 4 00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:35,403 Yeah, deet sheet calls for 500 16 ounce cups. 5 00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:36,637 So I'm just-- 6 00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:38,406 So you're counting them? 7 00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:40,074 Ron, they come 100 to a sleeve. 8 00:00:40,174 --> 00:00:41,542 Here, here's 200. 9 00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:42,443 You got 200 there, 10 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:43,944 You got 100 in your hand, you're all set. 11 00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,213 Oh right, Henry? 12 00:00:45,313 --> 00:00:46,347 Yes? 13 00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:49,717 When you have an orgasm, how much stuff comes out? 14 00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:53,321 Of your penis? 15 00:01:03,997 --> 00:01:05,833 Well, why come to me with this? 16 00:01:05,933 --> 00:01:07,268 I mean why not a doctor, 17 00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:10,070 Or close personal friend- 18 00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:11,472 You've watched porn, right? 19 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,674 I'm not a connoisseur or anything- 20 00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:15,909 I mean, is that normal? 21 00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:17,044 I mean, in bartending terms, 22 00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:18,946 You know, these guys ejaculate like, 23 00:01:19,046 --> 00:01:20,914 A jigger full. 24 00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:22,516 I used to think it was trick photography, 25 00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:25,753 Like some guy off-camera with a super-soaker or something, 26 00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:26,787 But I've studied it, 27 00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:28,689 You know on dvd you can slow it down frame by frame, 28 00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:30,591 And unless it's CGI, 29 00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:33,127 Which I can't imagine that they have the budget for, 30 00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:34,628 That's a lot of ejaculate. 31 00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:35,663 Or is it? 32 00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:36,764 I don't know- 33 00:01:36,864 --> 00:01:38,666 I don't known Ron, I mean I wouldn't sweat it. 34 00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,168 I never did. 35 00:01:40,268 --> 00:01:41,402 I mean sandy jarrett used to give me handies 36 00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:42,870 In the skateland parking lot 37 00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:44,505 And my stuff would 38 00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:47,175 Hang right off the visor of my cordoba. 39 00:01:47,275 --> 00:01:49,310 Lately I've been dating this girl, 40 00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:51,612 And the last time, afterwards, 41 00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:53,181 She says to me, 42 00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:55,683 "Is that all?" 43 00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,287 Well maybe she was having an existential crisis. 44 00:01:59,387 --> 00:02:01,189 She says I must jerk off all the time, 45 00:02:01,289 --> 00:02:02,623 Because I am completely depleted. 46 00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:05,393 I mean Henry, can you fill up a thimble? 47 00:02:05,493 --> 00:02:06,994 Because, I have tried, and I cannot. 48 00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:08,396 I can't do it. 49 00:02:08,496 --> 00:02:11,064 Oh god, I don't need to know this information Ron. 50 00:02:11,165 --> 00:02:12,733 Is there something wrong with me? 51 00:02:14,202 --> 00:02:15,636 I think so, yes. 52 00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:16,937 Quite possibly- 53 00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:20,408 Kyle, what're-- 54 00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:22,910 Hey, oh man it was such a long night last night. 55 00:02:23,010 --> 00:02:24,912 I must've dozed off for a second. 56 00:02:25,012 --> 00:02:27,248 Um, I'm gonna go to the van, if you guys need anything. 57 00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:30,284 You better not be going outside to take that call. 58 00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:32,353 Okay because I made it specifically clear in my e-mail 59 00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:34,255 That we've been dinged for the last time 60 00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:36,089 On the comment cards about cell phone use. 61 00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:37,691 No, I was actually gonna go out 62 00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:40,328 And see if I could find a garden gnome for you to fuck. 63 00:02:40,428 --> 00:02:41,995 Get it? Cuz a gnome'd be like, 64 00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:45,299 "Ah Ron, you're drowning me in jizz--" 65 00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:46,567 That's pretty funny. 66 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,202 Hey, Henry, here's a riddle for you-- 67 00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:50,504 How many rons would it take to make a bukkake film? 68 00:02:51,472 --> 00:02:52,840 Oh you know what, that's enough. 69 00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:54,174 Both of you, outside okay? 70 00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:56,210 That's it, and that's one for you pal. 71 00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:58,746 Corn chips, bean dip. 72 00:02:58,846 --> 00:02:59,813 Chili dogs. 73 00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:01,048 Jell-o shots. 74 00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:02,783 Is this a white trash theme party 75 00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:04,452 Or are we in Arkansas? 76 00:03:04,552 --> 00:03:06,186 Don't be a snob, Roman. 77 00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:07,921 Don't swim, fish. 78 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,590 I have nothing against simple folk. 79 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:10,958 This is just need-to-know information. 80 00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:14,462 Am I supposed to enjoy the irony or pity the sincerity. 81 00:03:14,562 --> 00:03:16,163 Well it's making me homesick. 82 00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:18,299 This is what a party back home looked like. 83 00:03:18,399 --> 00:03:20,334 With food people actually enjoy. 84 00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:22,135 You don't think I have to bite my tongue 85 00:03:22,236 --> 00:03:23,604 Every time I carry a tray 86 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:26,540 With Santa Barbara grilled eel beaks 87 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,042 In a baby pinecone sauce- 88 00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:30,411 All right, listen up people. 89 00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:31,679 Hand over your cell phones. 90 00:03:31,779 --> 00:03:32,913 I tried to be nice, 91 00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:36,350 But it clearly isn't effective management strategy. 92 00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:37,985 So I'll hand them over after the event. 93 00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:39,320 Chop suey, let's go. 94 00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:40,554 Ron you can have my phone when you pry it 95 00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:42,556 From my cold dead fingers. 96 00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:44,191 Yeah Ron, why don't we just have everyone 97 00:03:44,292 --> 00:03:45,926 Promise not to use them so much? 98 00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:48,095 He-- okay, as long 99 00:03:48,195 --> 00:03:49,229 As I get everybody's word. 100 00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:50,731 Okay because today could be 101 00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:51,732 A really big day for us. 102 00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:53,867 We could be on national television. 103 00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:55,002 What? 104 00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:56,003 Oh that's awesome. 105 00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:57,371 Explain that. 106 00:03:57,471 --> 00:03:59,172 Uh, this is the home of Cole Landry 107 00:03:59,273 --> 00:04:00,908 And it's draft day, 108 00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:02,776 When all his dreams come true. 109 00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:05,713 Wait, what dude's dream is to get sent to Afghanistan? 110 00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:08,015 Cole Landry? 111 00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:10,618 Holds every pac 10 passing record. 112 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,786 He's a quarterback. 113 00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:15,255 In football. 114 00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:18,892 They get drafted, and then play professionally. 115 00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:23,397 Do any of you even live in America? 116 00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:26,734 Am I the only one here who's ever been in a champs? 117 00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:29,036 Good gravy! 118 00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:32,406 All right, so here's the deal. 119 00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:35,543 Cole's family and his teammates will be here, 120 00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:37,645 Okay, there's going to be a tv film crew providing 121 00:04:37,745 --> 00:04:40,147 "Live feed" for the minute he gets picked, 122 00:04:40,247 --> 00:04:41,248 Okay, so-- 123 00:04:41,349 --> 00:04:42,783 Let's leave a good impression. 124 00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,685 Yes, Kyle. 125 00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:47,921 Oh great, a house full of neck-less mutants. 126 00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:49,523 Uh-oh, high school flashbacks? 127 00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:51,191 Are these the guys who gave you wedgies? 128 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,225 No. Swirlies? 129 00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:54,094 Fuck off. Noogies? 130 00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:55,128 Pantsed? 131 00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:56,530 Fart-faced? 132 00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:01,502 No, I don't fear these morons, I pity them. 133 00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:02,903 I mean in the real world, 134 00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:04,838 The only thing thirty-six inch thighs gets you 135 00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:08,476 Is specially made gym teacher shorts and 30 grand a year- 136 00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:10,177 And really hot chicks- 137 00:05:10,277 --> 00:05:11,879 Uh no, Casey when you're looking to mate, 138 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:14,081 Are you looking for a giant, bulging idiot 139 00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:15,383 Or someone with some intelligence? 140 00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:16,984 Giant bulging idiot. Boom. 141 00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:18,552 Right so you want a guy that's gonna keel over 142 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,621 And crush you from a heart attack at 50 143 00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:21,655 From eating all this shit. 144 00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:23,357 I do, I wanna be crushed beneath him, 145 00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:24,958 My huge, fat husband. 146 00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:26,159 'course you want that 147 00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:28,195 'cause you're dating a whopping 90 pounder. 148 00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:29,597 Hey. 149 00:05:30,297 --> 00:05:32,099 You are a runty little puppy. 150 00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:33,834 Thanks. 151 00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:37,705 Ow, dammit. 152 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,073 Let me help you with that, sir. 153 00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:42,075 Oh this damn hand. 154 00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:45,045 You should see the table saw though. 155 00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:48,315 Good one. 156 00:05:48,416 --> 00:05:50,651 Okay what you wanna do is line it up- 157 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,588 That's the sexiest thing I've ever seen. 158 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:57,558 Hey now, don't you go and speak too soon. 159 00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:03,597 Okay, I stand corrected there. 160 00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:05,132 Hi, I'm bill. 161 00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:06,133 I'm lydia. 162 00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:07,668 Well, oh-- 163 00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:09,369 Hey dad! 164 00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:11,939 Which one of these should I wear on tv? 165 00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:15,576 Man, I-- rianna would know. 166 00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:17,144 She's gone, dad. 167 00:06:17,244 --> 00:06:18,145 You need to move on. 168 00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:19,212 We talked about this. 169 00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:20,614 Hey, now! 170 00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,450 Who wants to be a millionaire!? 171 00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:23,451 There's my favorite agent! 172 00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:24,752 All right, Cole. 173 00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:26,487 Say it loud, and say it proud. 174 00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:28,388 "I wanna play in sunny Tampa bay." 175 00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:29,657 Tampa bay! 176 00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:31,892 Yeah, let's do this! Come on. Cameras are coming. 177 00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:34,127 But I have to say, there is not a lot of drama 178 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:35,496 In the fourth pick. 179 00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:36,930 Tampa bay needs a quarterback, 180 00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:38,999 And there's no signal caller higher 181 00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:40,801 On the draft board than Cole Landry. 182 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,303 In Landry, you get not just a starting quarterback, 183 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:44,838 They get the face of the franchise too. 184 00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:47,441 All right, when Cole is picked, we're cutting in live. 185 00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:49,242 Hey. Hey. 186 00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:51,512 Row of jaeger shots please, barkeep. 187 00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:53,447 So I think I totally get it now. 188 00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:55,148 Finally you get it. 189 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,650 What, what do you get? 190 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,418 Your big apatow movie premiere. 191 00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:00,387 Uh-huh. Coming up. 192 00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:01,889 There're gonna be a lot of heavy hitters there- 193 00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:03,390 Yeah, I'll say. 194 00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:04,792 A who's who of the comedy world, 195 00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:05,793 Uh-huh. 196 00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:07,427 And you're gonna be mingling with them. 197 00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:10,197 I might do a little mingling, sure. 198 00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:11,499 Sure. Okay. 199 00:07:11,599 --> 00:07:12,466 So good, you get it then. 200 00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:13,634 I totally get it. 201 00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:15,168 Well I do not get it, even a little bit. 202 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,770 What are we talking about? 203 00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:19,807 I mean, I get why I'm not your plus-one. 204 00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:22,943 I see. 205 00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:24,344 Uh-huh. I see. 206 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,813 See if I had the opportunity 207 00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:28,281 To really get in there and do some networking, 208 00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:29,950 I probably wouldn't want to bring 209 00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:31,652 With a cautionary tale on my arm either. 210 00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:34,054 Man well, this is a huge relief for me. 211 00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:35,723 Oh good, good. 212 00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:38,926 'cause honestly, I've rehearsed the you-embarrass-me speech 213 00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:42,129 Like a hundred times in my head probably, 214 00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:44,131 But I don't even need to do it, 'cause you get it. 215 00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:45,265 I get it. 216 00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:46,634 That's what makes you such a cool guy. 217 00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:49,402 Thanks. I mean not arm-candy cool obviously, 218 00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:51,271 But fuck buddy cool. 219 00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:52,640 Okay. 220 00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:56,176 Nobody puts baby in a corner. 221 00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,513 Yeah, buddy. 222 00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:00,480 I been there. 223 00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:01,915 Been where? 224 00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:03,150 There. 225 00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:05,318 That place where the person you wanna be with 226 00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:07,921 Night and day only wants to be with you 227 00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,657 When there's no one else around. 228 00:08:09,757 --> 00:08:12,726 All right yeah, well that's not our situation- 229 00:08:13,661 --> 00:08:15,062 Don't fool yourself, brother. 230 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,432 So Tampa passes on Cole Landry. 231 00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:20,467 Are you surprised? 232 00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:21,735 I'm shocked. 233 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:22,670 I mean what do you think is going through 234 00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:23,904 Landry's head right now? 235 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,806 He probably falls to philly at eight 236 00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:28,676 And ten million dollars flies out the window. 237 00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:43,991 Ron. Hey. 238 00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:46,894 Okay so my band got a slot on an industry showcase tonight. 239 00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:47,895 Oh! Yeah. 240 00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:49,196 So is it cool if I just like leave 241 00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:50,197 A little bit early or whatever? 242 00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:51,464 Oh, shoot. 243 00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:52,600 Not chance to get back up. 244 00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:53,667 You should've asked me earlier. 245 00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:54,868 I didn't know earlier. 246 00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:55,703 Oh really? 247 00:08:55,803 --> 00:08:57,304 How'd you find out then? 248 00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:00,708 Carrier pigeon, Ron. 249 00:09:00,808 --> 00:09:03,043 Yeah, yeah a carrier pigeon landed in the back yard. 250 00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:04,344 You know, with the little note on his foot 251 00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:06,013 With all the information. 252 00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:07,347 It was great, can you believe he found me? 253 00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:08,448 Wow, no you were on the phone! 254 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:09,783 I saw it, so-- 255 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,251 Okay, yeah I was on the phone. 256 00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:12,920 Right so sorry, Kyle, only employees 257 00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:14,354 Who follow the rules get rewarded. 258 00:09:14,454 --> 00:09:15,388 What? 259 00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:16,757 You heard me. 260 00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:19,593 What the fuck? 261 00:09:20,828 --> 00:09:23,163 Yeah I put everything into this. 262 00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:26,066 I turned down work so I could coach my son. 263 00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:27,034 And you know what? 264 00:09:27,134 --> 00:09:28,936 Cole's mother never understood it, 265 00:09:29,036 --> 00:09:31,538 She-- she wanted a bigger house. 266 00:09:31,639 --> 00:09:32,873 Come on. 267 00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:35,475 She called me a piss-poor provider and walked out. 268 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,177 Oh you poor guy. 269 00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:38,278 Eh. 270 00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:42,115 So Cole's mom, that's rianna? 271 00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:44,384 No, no, no rianna is my ex-girlfriend. 272 00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:45,452 Oh. 273 00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:46,754 She was just bad news. 274 00:09:46,854 --> 00:09:49,256 Big spoiled brat. 275 00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:52,192 She was too young and pretty for me, anyway. 276 00:09:53,627 --> 00:09:54,962 Oh come on. Fuck. 277 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,966 Man, Ron is being such a dick, again. 278 00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:00,333 Oh next you're gonna tell me there are bears 279 00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:01,669 Defecating in the woods. 280 00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:02,836 No check this out, 281 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,471 My band just got a last-minute industry slot 282 00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:05,538 At the rainbow room, 283 00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:06,573 And he won't let me leave 284 00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:07,574 Like just a little bit early to make it. 285 00:10:07,675 --> 00:10:09,209 Oh, no! This was the big night 286 00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:10,477 You guys were gonna get your record deal! 287 00:10:10,577 --> 00:10:11,712 Yeah, maybe. 288 00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:14,614 Fuck, do they super-glue this bitch on? 289 00:10:15,582 --> 00:10:16,950 Let me help you with that, little buddy. 290 00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:18,786 It's not easy. 291 00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:21,621 Whoa, looks like he really struggled with that, 292 00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:22,723 Little buddy. 293 00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:24,692 Well I loosened it, you dick. 294 00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:26,226 Hey we all have our talents, right? 295 00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:27,294 I guess. 296 00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:28,261 Yeah, while you were busy 297 00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:32,299 Opening jars and pushing a blocking sled around, 298 00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:34,267 I was reading literature. 299 00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:35,869 Ah, a man of letters! 300 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,304 I'm a bit of a book buff myself. 301 00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:38,271 Who are you into? 302 00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:39,272 Heinlein. 303 00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:40,473 Asimov. 304 00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:41,374 Clarke, you probably haven't heard of them. 305 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:42,676 Sci-fi man. 306 00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:43,711 No, I love heinlein. 307 00:10:43,811 --> 00:10:45,813 Stranger in a strange land. 308 00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:47,247 What about bradbury? 309 00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:49,116 I'm a little lukewarm on fahrenheit 451, 310 00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:51,251 But martian chronicles, come on? 311 00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:52,853 Are the best! 312 00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:55,756 I haven't gotten to it yet- 313 00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:57,858 I'm busy, I'm really busy though. 314 00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,526 Yeah, not really a big asimov guy; 315 00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:02,362 I mean, I'll give him the three laws of robotics but, 316 00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:03,864 He's mid-list. 317 00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:06,533 Which is ironic, because I love the russians. 318 00:11:06,633 --> 00:11:07,901 Dostoevsky. 319 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:08,902 Gogol. 320 00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:09,770 Checkov- 321 00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,504 Oh Roman's super into checkov. 322 00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:12,873 Yeah and sulu- 323 00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:14,141 Moron. 324 00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:15,709 And that's not irony. 325 00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,144 Lot of people make that mistake-- 326 00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:19,079 You, alanis morissette-- 327 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:22,850 You say "ironic" when you really mean happenstance. 328 00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:23,917 For instance- thanks. 329 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,485 I could really use a lesson on irony. 330 00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:27,755 Perfect, here you go. 331 00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:30,323 Irony is when you say one thing, 332 00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:32,392 But you mean the opposite. 333 00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:33,994 For example- 334 00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:36,196 I could stand here all night and soak up this knowledge. 335 00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:37,831 You interrupted me. 336 00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:39,499 I was in the middle of telling you what irony is. 337 00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:42,870 And then if-- oh okay, I gotcha. 338 00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:44,037 What just happened? 339 00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:45,238 Very good. 340 00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:48,441 You must be the only football-playing lit major ever. 341 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:49,442 No. 342 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:50,477 I'm pre-med. 343 00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:52,112 You're pre-med? 344 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,480 Yeah. 345 00:11:55,648 --> 00:11:57,751 I don't like the term "stage mom." 346 00:11:57,851 --> 00:11:59,586 Escapade is my teammate. 347 00:11:59,686 --> 00:12:01,721 Yeah people used to yell at me all the time. 348 00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:05,258 "Bill, let the kid have a childhood." 349 00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:09,362 "No five-year-old needs to run tire drills in july." 350 00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:10,798 No seven-year-old needs 351 00:12:10,898 --> 00:12:13,100 To have permanent eye-liner tattooed on, either. 352 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:14,567 That doesn't mean it's a bad idea. 353 00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:16,336 Exactly, exactly. 354 00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:17,637 Oh hey, time out, come on. 355 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,106 Hey, hey it's philly's pick. 356 00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:20,440 With the eighth pick, 357 00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:23,243 Philadelphia selects offensive lineman jake kupp 358 00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:24,511 Out of Washington. 359 00:12:24,611 --> 00:12:27,014 We turn our attention now to a star of Detroit 360 00:12:27,114 --> 00:12:29,082 And for them defense is the name of the game. 361 00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:31,218 Here's how it's really gonna go phil. 362 00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:32,820 Vodka. 363 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,687 He's gonna play you twice a year in division, 364 00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:35,956 He's gonna whip your sorry ass, 365 00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:37,590 And then when they carve your Tombstone, 366 00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:39,192 It's gonnna read "Here lies the dumbfuck 367 00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:43,063 Who passed on hall-of-fame quarterback Cole Landry--" 368 00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:45,598 Could you please tell my wife if she loved me, 369 00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:48,068 She wouldn't call me on this day. 370 00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:50,270 He's gonna pop out your eyeball and skull fuck you, phil. 371 00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:52,205 How about that? 372 00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:54,474 No, no sweetie, get your daddy on the phone, no-- 373 00:12:54,574 --> 00:12:55,575 Excuse me, sorry. 374 00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:57,644 A hamster bit one of your kids 375 00:12:57,744 --> 00:12:58,578 And your wife wants to know if she should 376 00:12:58,678 --> 00:12:59,512 Bring him to the hospital. 377 00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:00,580 Which one? 378 00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:01,781 Which one, he wants-- 379 00:13:01,882 --> 00:13:02,816 Fuddrucker. 380 00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:04,517 Jesus fuck--which kid? 381 00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:05,853 Hold on. 382 00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:08,555 Honey, I love you but fuck you for calling on draft day. 383 00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:10,523 Hi. 384 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,325 Refill? 385 00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:13,861 Why the fuck not? 386 00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:17,430 All right, here's something I don't get. 387 00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:21,234 You are like this big college football player, right? 388 00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:23,703 So what girl wouldn't want to be seen with you? 389 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,072 How would your parents react 390 00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:27,040 If they found out you were sport fucking a large black man? 391 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,276 They'd say it explains a lot. 392 00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:34,181 Look all I am is some sort of sexual carnival ride, 393 00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:35,315 You know? 394 00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:37,885 So, you and your lady-- 395 00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:39,920 I saw how she's icing you out. 396 00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:42,555 Do you love her? 397 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,460 The-- what? 398 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:50,563 Hey buddy. 399 00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:51,764 You gotta moment? 400 00:13:51,865 --> 00:13:53,000 Ah, yes of course. 401 00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:54,801 What can help you with? 402 00:13:54,902 --> 00:13:57,170 Um actually, I just started residency, 403 00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:58,105 Wonderful. 404 00:13:58,205 --> 00:13:59,139 And I was talking to your friend over there 405 00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:01,942 About your health concerns, 406 00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:03,310 And it reminded me of this patient- 407 00:14:03,410 --> 00:14:04,544 Wait a minute. 408 00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:05,745 What friend? 409 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,480 Oh uh, that guy. 410 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:10,117 Oh, Henry. 411 00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:12,652 So he told you about the amount of my... 412 00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:13,653 Ejaculate. 413 00:14:13,753 --> 00:14:14,955 Yes. Yes. 414 00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:16,689 And it reminded me of this patient who came in, 415 00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:20,160 And said that he was producing limited reproductive material. 416 00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:21,794 We brought him in the office, 417 00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:23,063 Took down his pants for an exam, 418 00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:26,499 And he had testicles the size of christmas hams. 419 00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,201 Christmas hams? 420 00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:31,804 My concern is you're presenting acute bacterial prostatitis: 421 00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:33,941 It's an infection of the prostate 422 00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:35,475 That causes inflammation 423 00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:37,810 And can lead to cystitis, 424 00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:40,147 And in some instances, prostate cancer. 425 00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:43,616 Ball cancer. 426 00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,285 Prostate cancer. 427 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,254 Right, which is the medical term for balls? 428 00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:48,155 Like in latin? 429 00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:49,990 Different gland entirely. 430 00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:52,492 But what I suggest you do is when you go home, 431 00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:54,027 Have a good night's rest, 432 00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:55,662 Shave your testicular area, 433 00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:57,830 Call your physician first thing 434 00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,132 And tell him that you urgently 435 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,568 Need your balls pulled and palpated. 436 00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:03,070 Pulled and palpated- 437 00:15:03,170 --> 00:15:04,137 I don't know what that means. 438 00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:05,838 It's technical procedure, he'll know. 439 00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:07,440 But go. 440 00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,009 'cause my concern is that this could lead to something 441 00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:10,777 Deadly serious. 442 00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:12,679 Thank you. 443 00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,447 No problem. 444 00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:17,417 Oh um, I'm sorry, sorry. 445 00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:20,053 When you said your patient produced 446 00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:21,955 "Limited reproductive material." 447 00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:23,490 So, how much is limited? 448 00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:25,558 Ball park? 449 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,928 So the big mystery of the day 450 00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:32,299 Is why Cole Landry continues to slide. 451 00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:33,766 I've just spoken to someone high up 452 00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:36,369 In one of the organizations that passed on Landry, 453 00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:39,006 And they have confirmed that this is the reason 454 00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:40,473 They chose not to draft him. 455 00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:42,442 What we're hearing is that many organizations 456 00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:45,979 Have become convinced that Cole Landry is gay. 457 00:15:46,079 --> 00:15:47,947 That's fucking bullshit! 458 00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:50,350 Oh my god, what the fuck kind of reporting is this? 459 00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:51,751 My source tells me that if it was any other position, 460 00:15:51,851 --> 00:15:53,186 They wouldn't care. 461 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,722 But we're talking about the face of the franchise. 462 00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:57,557 Fucking shit. 463 00:15:57,657 --> 00:15:58,791 You know me. 464 00:15:58,891 --> 00:15:59,993 I get so much pussy, it's not even funny. 465 00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:01,161 Not even a joke. 466 00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:03,063 You're the king of pussy, I know okay! 467 00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:05,398 This is fucking rosenhaus okay? 468 00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:07,434 He wanted his kid to be the first qb drafted 469 00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:08,435 You know what, 470 00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:10,403 That gel-haired scum-fucker is fucking us. 471 00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:12,005 Maybe we should've gone with rosenhaus, Cole. 472 00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:13,473 We're family. 473 00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:16,209 Ask the booster girls how gay I am. 474 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,478 Hey, hey gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen! 475 00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,347 Hey time out! 476 00:16:20,447 --> 00:16:21,581 Pull yourselves together! 477 00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:22,615 Cole, you're a quarterback. 478 00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:23,716 Show some poise. 479 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,118 Now you listen to me. 480 00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:27,054 Every round we're losing a half million dollars. 481 00:16:27,154 --> 00:16:29,256 So let's stop talking about how much pussy we're getting 482 00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:31,024 Of course you're getting a lot of puss, 483 00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:33,626 Let's get our shit together and come up with a plan! 484 00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:38,498 Well, the celebration has officially turned into a wake. 485 00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:39,966 Hey, so how come you're not taking your boy here 486 00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:41,634 To your big movie premiere? 487 00:16:42,969 --> 00:16:44,504 Cuz he ain't pretty enough? 488 00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:45,638 Cuz he ain't tall? 489 00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:48,241 Cuz he's workin' some shit job, is that it? 490 00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:51,111 Wow, that is an impressive list of reasons. 491 00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:53,346 He has feelings for you, girl. 492 00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:55,182 Deep feelings. 493 00:16:56,449 --> 00:16:58,085 Maybe he's not sure it's love, 494 00:16:58,185 --> 00:16:59,919 But his shit runs deep. 495 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,788 Uh well jerome, Casey. 496 00:17:01,888 --> 00:17:03,456 Casey, jerome. 497 00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:04,524 Is that true Henry? 498 00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:05,825 Does your shit run deep? 499 00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:08,728 Well isn't it enough to know that my shit runs at all? 500 00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:12,232 Well jerome, I am not taking Henry to my premiere 501 00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:13,866 Because I'm taking my mother. 502 00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:15,868 But you don't even like your mother. 503 00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:17,270 I know that I don't like my mother, 504 00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:19,839 But she always refers to my career 505 00:17:19,939 --> 00:17:21,708 As "that little thing that you do" 506 00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:23,610 So this is like my only chance 507 00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:27,347 To rub her nose in whatever tiny bit of success I have. 508 00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:29,048 So why you not taking Henry to your comedy shows? 509 00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:30,049 Oh jesus dude. 510 00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:31,351 Wow, that was-- 511 00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:33,720 Okay uh, I don't take Henry to my comedy shows 512 00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:37,624 Because I do a skit where I get kind of friendly 513 00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:42,195 With another guy, and Henry gets kinda jealous sometimes. 514 00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,131 Well come on, I mean, I know the difference between 515 00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:46,266 Stage kissing and real life. 516 00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:47,400 I mean I was an actor. 517 00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,602 Actually I play an animatronic love doll 518 00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:52,239 And the audience has to like shout out suggestions 519 00:17:52,339 --> 00:17:55,642 For my quadriplegic inventor to order me to do. 520 00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:56,909 Well-- 521 00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:58,178 You all right? 522 00:17:58,278 --> 00:17:59,546 You look a little bothered by that. 523 00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:00,547 Not at all. 524 00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:02,915 I mean maybe by the logic I'm bothered. 525 00:18:03,015 --> 00:18:04,584 I mean, how did he build you? 526 00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:06,119 I mean obviously not your inventor 527 00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:07,154 'cause he's quadriplegic 528 00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:08,121 And don't say by another robot 529 00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:09,122 'cause that's ridiculous. 530 00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:10,123 Yeah, not bothered at all. 531 00:18:10,223 --> 00:18:11,491 See, he's fine with it. 532 00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:12,992 I am-- I mean I get it, 'cause it's a job 533 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,060 So I understand. 534 00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:16,163 Casey, Casey, exciting opportunity. 535 00:18:16,263 --> 00:18:18,298 They're just about to cut to a live feed 536 00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:21,734 From right here in this living room in like ten minutes. 537 00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:23,370 Now, with that information, 538 00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:25,572 And knowing how much the camera loves you, 539 00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:29,742 How would you feel about snuggling up 540 00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:32,445 To Cole Landry and pretending 541 00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:33,946 That you're his girlfriend? 542 00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:37,617 I would feel like an idiot, probably. 543 00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:40,987 Would you feel like an idiot for 500 schmackers. 544 00:18:41,087 --> 00:18:43,122 Oh, well then I would feel like a whore. 545 00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:44,557 Hey, language Casey. 546 00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:45,525 You're a girl. 547 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:48,094 Now listen to me, Cole Landry is losing 548 00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:49,429 Half million dollars 549 00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:50,930 With every pick of the draft 550 00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:53,700 And all because of some horrible rumor. 551 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,968 Could you find it in your heart to help this kid out? 552 00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:57,003 So that's a job. 553 00:18:57,103 --> 00:18:58,238 That's income. Yes. 554 00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:00,373 Henry, how would you feel about that? 555 00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:01,774 If I get paid? Yeah, that's great. 556 00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:02,842 Great? Yeah, terrific. 557 00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:04,977 Awesome. Hey let's get you into a push up bra. 558 00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:06,012 Okay. Come on. 559 00:19:06,112 --> 00:19:07,079 That's great? 560 00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:11,351 Come on man, grow some balls please. 561 00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:19,926 Jesus, you light a match? 562 00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:22,195 Oh, oooh. 563 00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:23,830 This could be good. 564 00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:25,798 Oh god, who used to live here? 565 00:19:25,898 --> 00:19:26,799 Tanya Tucker? 566 00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:28,801 Tanya Tucker, I wish. 567 00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:31,338 No, bill's ex rianna. 568 00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:34,974 Casey, you've got such a darling little figure. 569 00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:35,942 Why don't you show it off? 570 00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:37,244 I do show it off, 571 00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:40,313 I wear pasties and tassels like all the time 572 00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:41,281 When I'm not at work. 573 00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:42,682 He look, I found it. 574 00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:43,683 This is the winner! 575 00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:44,584 Are you crazy? 576 00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:46,386 Think of it as an acting assignment. 577 00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:47,554 You're playing a bimbo. 578 00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:48,621 Oooh cha cha! 579 00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:50,323 Yeah, bimbo with a heart of gold. 580 00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:51,991 Dating the captain of the football team. 581 00:19:52,091 --> 00:19:53,460 Okay, why are you doing this? 582 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,362 Seriously, do you have a thing for the kid's dad? 583 00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:56,929 It's pretty obvious. 584 00:19:57,630 --> 00:20:00,199 Oh Casey, I think the dad might have a thing for me. 585 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:01,501 Uh-huh. 586 00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:03,970 And you know, the rest of it will take care of itself. 587 00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:09,442 You tell me to express myself and demand respect, 588 00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:13,680 When right here man, with me watching you, 589 00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:15,882 You just roll over when your woman- 590 00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:19,719 Well, look at her... 591 00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:22,822 Oh my god, you're right. 592 00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:24,391 I am a pussy- 593 00:20:24,491 --> 00:20:26,359 No, no, no, no you're cut off. 594 00:20:26,459 --> 00:20:27,460 I mean whenever anybody has success 595 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:28,561 They always have something to say-- 596 00:20:28,661 --> 00:20:29,496 Excuse me. 597 00:20:29,596 --> 00:20:30,763 Can I talk to you for one second? 598 00:20:30,863 --> 00:20:33,333 Yeah excuse me, what can I do for you buddy? 599 00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:36,869 I was hoping maybe you could take a look at this. 600 00:20:39,639 --> 00:20:41,341 What exactly am I looking at here? 601 00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:43,576 You've heard the rumors, what is it you wanna say? 602 00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:45,312 I don't know who laughed harder 603 00:20:45,412 --> 00:20:46,913 When I heard people thought I was gay, 604 00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:48,781 Me or my girlfriend, Casey. 605 00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:53,753 Me, oh my god, I get so mad at this guy, 606 00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:56,656 Because every time a pretty girl walks by, he's like- 607 00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,492 And just looks at her. 608 00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,628 All the time, I'm like what the f? 609 00:21:01,728 --> 00:21:04,096 Cody, you horn dog, I'm right here. 610 00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:05,865 I'm sorry, who's Cody? 611 00:21:05,965 --> 00:21:07,934 Is this your sperm in my hand? 612 00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:11,103 It's just a nickname. 613 00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:12,472 Did you just Jack off? 614 00:21:13,573 --> 00:21:16,108 She thinks I throw like Cody Carlson. 615 00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:17,109 Yeah, he does. 616 00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:18,411 You do. I do. 617 00:21:18,511 --> 00:21:20,847 Warren moon's backup with the oilers in the 90s? 618 00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:24,283 Yeah. Yeah, that's the guy I throw like, for sure. 619 00:21:24,384 --> 00:21:25,985 Yeah, look at the tape. 620 00:21:26,085 --> 00:21:27,153 She's quite a student of the game. 621 00:21:27,253 --> 00:21:28,220 Yeah. 622 00:21:28,321 --> 00:21:29,422 I don't care! 623 00:21:29,522 --> 00:21:32,224 You just put your jizz in my hand bro! 624 00:21:32,325 --> 00:21:33,793 Something going on there? 625 00:21:33,893 --> 00:21:35,628 Ah well, it's a party. 626 00:21:35,728 --> 00:21:36,929 You know, parties get rowdy- 627 00:21:37,029 --> 00:21:38,765 Yeah, party! 628 00:21:38,865 --> 00:21:41,634 It's fuckin' jizz, is why! 629 00:21:41,734 --> 00:21:43,235 Cole, I'm wondering if you can comment 630 00:21:43,336 --> 00:21:45,237 On this photo that's been circulating. 631 00:21:45,338 --> 00:21:47,640 It's now posted on deadspin. 632 00:21:47,740 --> 00:21:51,744 It appears to show you outside a west Hollywood club called 633 00:21:51,844 --> 00:21:53,980 The manhole. 634 00:21:57,350 --> 00:21:58,551 Who's that, Cole? 635 00:21:58,885 --> 00:22:00,019 Who. 636 00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:01,020 The fuck. 637 00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:02,389 Is that!? 638 00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:05,525 That's the last straw, motherfucker. 639 00:22:05,625 --> 00:22:08,728 This camel's back is officially broken. 640 00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:10,563 What am I to you anyway, your plaything? 641 00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:12,098 A piece of tissue you can just use up 642 00:22:12,198 --> 00:22:13,733 And throw away? 643 00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:15,134 Well fuck that! 644 00:22:15,234 --> 00:22:17,103 Nobody puts baby in a corner! 645 00:22:20,807 --> 00:22:21,874 Jerome baby... 646 00:22:21,974 --> 00:22:23,943 No, no, no, no, you're my chocolate drop! 647 00:22:24,043 --> 00:22:25,344 Billy? 648 00:22:27,213 --> 00:22:28,548 Rianna? 649 00:22:29,482 --> 00:22:30,983 I came as soon as I heard the news. 650 00:22:31,083 --> 00:22:33,386 Oh, it's bad, it's really bad. 651 00:22:33,486 --> 00:22:35,354 We're not entirely sure what's happening here. 652 00:22:35,455 --> 00:22:37,023 Yo, bitch. 653 00:22:37,123 --> 00:22:39,492 Get the fuck out of my clothes- 654 00:22:40,259 --> 00:22:41,828 You can't say fuck on tv. 655 00:22:55,942 --> 00:22:58,277 Well the first round has certainly given us 656 00:22:58,377 --> 00:23:00,079 A day of surprises, 657 00:23:00,179 --> 00:23:02,281 Some dreams have come true today. 658 00:23:02,381 --> 00:23:04,617 Some have crashed and burned. 659 00:23:07,554 --> 00:23:10,990 Hey um, I'm sorry to put you through that. 660 00:23:11,090 --> 00:23:12,391 No, listen man. 661 00:23:12,492 --> 00:23:15,862 I wasn't the one who just lost millions of dollars 662 00:23:15,962 --> 00:23:17,630 And my boyfriend, 663 00:23:17,730 --> 00:23:21,200 And got outted on national tv, so-- 664 00:23:21,300 --> 00:23:23,470 It's all good, really. 665 00:23:23,570 --> 00:23:24,504 Guess that was the easiest 666 00:23:24,604 --> 00:23:26,038 Thousand bucks you ever made, huh? 667 00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:28,407 Uh, a thousand dollars? 668 00:23:28,508 --> 00:23:29,909 Cole, Cole! 669 00:23:30,009 --> 00:23:31,678 I got fucking San Francisco here! 670 00:23:31,778 --> 00:23:32,945 They're about to pick you 671 00:23:33,045 --> 00:23:35,281 With the final pick of the first round bro! 672 00:23:35,381 --> 00:23:37,183 And I got the world's largest ad agency. 673 00:23:37,283 --> 00:23:38,551 How'd you like to be the new face 674 00:23:38,651 --> 00:23:40,720 Of fucking abercrombie and fitch? 675 00:23:40,820 --> 00:23:41,688 You serious? 676 00:23:41,788 --> 00:23:43,389 Yeah! 677 00:23:43,490 --> 00:23:46,693 I'm gonna get so much ass! 678 00:23:50,196 --> 00:23:52,398 So you had your fun, huh? 679 00:23:52,499 --> 00:23:54,667 Little bit of a laugh at good ol' Ron's expense. 680 00:23:54,767 --> 00:23:57,770 I have no idea what good ol' Ron's talking about. 681 00:23:57,870 --> 00:24:00,507 You told that doctor about my problem. 682 00:24:00,607 --> 00:24:02,408 My wad problem. 683 00:24:02,509 --> 00:24:04,176 You're what problem? 684 00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:05,244 Ron I assure you, 685 00:24:05,344 --> 00:24:07,446 I spoke to no one about your wad. 686 00:24:07,547 --> 00:24:10,182 Why would I talk to anyone about your wad? 687 00:24:13,152 --> 00:24:14,521 Kyle! 688 00:24:14,621 --> 00:24:15,488 I'm going to kill him. 689 00:24:15,588 --> 00:24:16,523 Where is he? 690 00:24:16,623 --> 00:24:17,524 I sent him home early. 691 00:24:17,624 --> 00:24:19,391 His band had a gig. 692 00:24:19,492 --> 00:24:20,493 Henry, what the fuck? What? 693 00:24:20,593 --> 00:24:22,128 Who's in charge here? 694 00:24:22,228 --> 00:24:23,763 Yeah, who is in charge here? 695 00:24:23,863 --> 00:24:26,265 'cause I'm trying to figure out if an employee jerking off 696 00:24:26,365 --> 00:24:27,900 And handing out semen samples 697 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,837 Falls under "needs work" or "completely unsatisfactory." 698 00:24:30,937 --> 00:24:32,238 Is there any way I can convince you 699 00:24:32,338 --> 00:24:34,473 He was "Going the extra mile?" 700 00:24:34,574 --> 00:24:35,508 This is Cole's house, 701 00:24:35,608 --> 00:24:36,809 Why does he have the comment card? 702 00:24:36,909 --> 00:24:38,845 'cause Cole is currently busier than I. 703 00:24:38,945 --> 00:24:40,379 Don't you mean me? 704 00:24:40,479 --> 00:24:41,748 Cole is busier than me. 705 00:24:41,848 --> 00:24:42,849 Or was an away game the week 706 00:24:42,949 --> 00:24:44,784 Subject-verb agreement was taught. 707 00:24:44,884 --> 00:24:45,618 Roman. 708 00:24:45,718 --> 00:24:46,919 Pretty sure it's I. 709 00:24:47,019 --> 00:24:48,821 Maybe that was the week of comicon. 710 00:24:50,256 --> 00:24:51,858 Irony, I was being ironic! 711 00:24:51,958 --> 00:24:52,892 Henry. What? 712 00:24:52,992 --> 00:24:54,594 I thought I had testicular cancer. 713 00:24:54,694 --> 00:24:56,295 Oh jesus christ. 714 00:25:58,958 --> 00:26:00,259 Tree! 714 00:26:01,305 --> 00:27:01,294