"King of the Hill" A Sounder Investment

1 00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:04,921 [♪ acoustic guitar playing] 2 00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:10,676 [beer hisses] 3 00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:13,221 [♪ theme song playing] 4 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:21,074 Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE www.osdb.link/lm 5 00:00:27,068 --> 00:00:29,070 ♪ 6 00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:36,952 [♪ theme concludes] 7 00:00:36,953 --> 00:00:38,037 [birds chirping] 8 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,329 You are late. 9 00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:42,833 Now, we can call this meeting of the Hill Family Inc. to order. 10 00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:45,545 Can we at least skip the reading of the minutes? 11 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:47,087 No, I... 12 00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:48,547 [scoffs] Okay, fine. 13 00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:51,675 Our income portfolio has paid out dividends, 14 00:00:51,676 --> 00:00:54,511 so we need to decide what to do with the new money. 15 00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:56,221 How much are we talkin' about? 16 00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:58,974 - Just a measly 5%. - Measly? 17 00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:02,853 That's money making money, invented by President Reagan. 18 00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:06,023 Yes, but still less than the average index fund. 19 00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:09,276 Then, there is inflation, which if you ask me, 20 00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:10,861 is the real silent killer. 21 00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:13,405 Heart disease just has better marketing. 22 00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:16,992 That's what was so great about the Aramco retirement plan. 23 00:01:16,993 --> 00:01:18,911 You pick your risk tolerance. 24 00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:23,832 Leave moderate growth for millennials and other folks who wear tattoos to work. 25 00:01:23,833 --> 00:01:27,086 I'm just trying to have more say in our investments. 26 00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:30,547 Every second we do not invest is money lost. 27 00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:32,508 Remember, time is money. 28 00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:36,428 But also remember, slow and steady wins the race. 29 00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:38,764 No need to turn this into a cliché comp-- [gasps] 30 00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,516 Early bird gets the worm! 31 00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:41,809 ♪ 32 00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:42,893 - Yep. - Yep. 33 00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:44,853 [Hank Hill] [sighs] Yep. 34 00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:46,105 Whoa, Hank. 35 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,941 Whatever's eating at you, don't take it out on us. 36 00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:51,819 Well, I'm sorry for the short fuse, fellas. 37 00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:55,239 Me and Peggy were just havin' some money discussions. 38 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:58,408 [all murmuring] 39 00:01:58,409 --> 00:02:00,828 Hello, gentlemen. Would you like to try 40 00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:03,373 John Redcorn's Red Corn? 41 00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,292 - [all] Mm! - [Boomhauer] Oh, man. 42 00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:08,794 That's some dang ol' good stuff, man. 43 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:12,005 You got yourself some mighty good corn here, John Redcorn. 44 00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:15,551 Nancy would love this. Have you given it to her yet? 45 00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:19,097 I've been giving it to Nancy for quite some time. 46 00:02:20,431 --> 00:02:21,515 [kernel plops] 47 00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:23,183 How much have you sold so far? 48 00:02:23,184 --> 00:02:24,351 None. 49 00:02:24,352 --> 00:02:27,271 Invasive pigs have ravaged most of my land. 50 00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:30,023 You know what kind of hogs can't eat crops? 51 00:02:30,024 --> 00:02:31,441 The dead kind. 52 00:02:31,442 --> 00:02:35,362 Well, I read that the best way to take care of a feral hog problem 53 00:02:35,363 --> 00:02:36,905 is actually trapping them. 54 00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:39,491 'Course you'd say that, Hank, 'cause you can't shoot. 55 00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:41,994 This isn't about whether or not I can shoot. 56 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:44,205 - You can't! Wingo! - You right, man. 57 00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:47,332 This is about how to best help John Redcorn. 58 00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:51,795 Maybe you can help me mend the fences and set traps too. 59 00:02:51,796 --> 00:02:53,172 Well, that sounds good. 60 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:56,550 There's no shame in gathering while the other men hunt. 61 00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:59,136 - [Hank] Hm. - Nice burn, JR. 62 00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:00,221 ♪ 63 00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:03,724 [♪ upbeat guitar music playing] 64 00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:06,935 According to hundreds of reviews, this trap is perfect 65 00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:09,938 - for catching up to 50 hogs a day. - [gun firing] 66 00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:12,107 [Boomhauer] Dang man, mow 'em down, mow 'em down! 67 00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:13,859 - [gunshot, pig squealing] - [Dale Gribble] Nailed it! 68 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,486 - [Bill Dauterive] That's 51! - [Hank sighs] 69 00:03:16,237 --> 00:03:18,698 Uh, there's a money-back guarantee on this. 70 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,158 ♪ 71 00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:22,409 [indistinct chatter] 72 00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:25,829 It's just a first date with Connie. 73 00:03:25,830 --> 00:03:27,207 Be cool! 74 00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,334 Wow, this is nice. 75 00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:33,879 I thought I couldn't "Handel" classical music, 76 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,965 but it was on my "Chopin Liszt." 77 00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:39,301 [laughs] I take that "Bach." 78 00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:40,427 [Connie yawns] 79 00:03:40,428 --> 00:03:43,931 [laughing] Sorry. <i>Frasier's</i> been on Netflix. 80 00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:45,682 No, no, no, it-- it was funny. 81 00:03:45,683 --> 00:03:48,310 I'm just tired from pulling all-nighters this week. 82 00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,729 Oh, I get it. Last night I stayed up 83 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:53,023 until 2:00 a.m. peeling garlic. 84 00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:54,983 [sniffing] I don't smell, do I? 85 00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:58,029 - I showered twice. - [chimes ding] 86 00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:01,740 This concerto is supposed to be great, 87 00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:04,368 according to the Beethoven subreddit. 88 00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:07,079 The composer. Not the movie about the dog. 89 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:10,874 That movie subreddit gets surprisingly nasty. 90 00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:12,793 "Concerto in D." 91 00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:16,255 I learned this right before I stopped playing in middle school. 92 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,966 You don't play violin anymore? 93 00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:21,260 - I don't. - Oh. 94 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,178 Did not know that. 95 00:04:23,179 --> 00:04:26,598 This is one of the longest violin concertos ever written. 96 00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:29,184 Did not know that either. 97 00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:32,187 - [♪ classical music playing] - [Bobby snoring] 98 00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:33,814 - [attendee] Quiet! - [continues snoring] 99 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,816 - [gasps] - Shh! 100 00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:38,027 [meat sizzling] 101 00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:41,697 Nothing like fresh harvested pork. 102 00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:44,700 Bill, I didn't think you were gonna get that last one. 103 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:47,077 That had to be a 200-yard shot. 104 00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:50,038 My trick is I don't shoot where the pig is, 105 00:04:50,039 --> 00:04:52,833 I shoot where the pig is going to be. 106 00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:54,835 That's called hunting, Bill. 107 00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:58,755 Hank, why don't you grill up the pigs you caught in your trap? 108 00:04:58,756 --> 00:05:02,175 Oh, that's right, there are none. [laughing] 109 00:05:02,176 --> 00:05:04,970 It was good doing something together. 110 00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:07,640 I haven't had this much fun since... 111 00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:12,144 No reason we can't do it every weekend. 112 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,980 There are plenty of farms with plenty more pigs to shoot. 113 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,899 Yeah, man, like 'em dang ol' Ikigai, the intersecting circles, man. 114 00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:21,320 Do what you love, never gonna work a dang ol' day in your life, man. 115 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:24,573 You really think we can make it a business, Boomhauer? 116 00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:27,743 Well, it's a better idea than your Uber for dogs. 117 00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:30,579 If a dog can guide a man across the street, 118 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:32,539 why can't he drive a car?! 119 00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:35,208 Wait, your idea was for the dog to-- 120 00:05:35,209 --> 00:05:37,169 [sighs] Never mind. 121 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:40,589 If you're serious about this, my advice is for you to take your time 122 00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:42,549 and build it slow and steady. 123 00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:45,177 Like I was tellin' Peggy when we were trying to figure out 124 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,095 where to invest our extra money. 125 00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:49,097 - [Dale sipping loudly] - Uh... 126 00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:51,141 - Hank has money! - Yeah, Hank, 127 00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:53,560 you could invest in Boomhauer's idea. 128 00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:56,438 Yeah, man, you got that dang ol' nest egg, man. 129 00:05:56,439 --> 00:06:00,400 Sure, sure, we'll talk about it at the next meeting of Hill Family Inc. 130 00:06:00,401 --> 00:06:02,611 Hey, who wants some ribs? 131 00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:04,489 Mm, tasty. 132 00:06:04,822 --> 00:06:06,948 ♪ 133 00:06:06,949 --> 00:06:09,826 Talkin' 'bout two years, man, to get ol' red, red to black, man. 134 00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:11,578 Gonna be cash positive already, man, 135 00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:14,706 return on the dang ol' investment, man. Angel. 136 00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:16,500 What the hell is going on? 137 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,460 Hank, Boomhauer is making a pitch 138 00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:20,379 for his hog-killing business. Quiet. 139 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,964 I told him I was gonna talk to you about it. 140 00:06:22,965 --> 00:06:24,591 Well, he beat you to it. 141 00:06:24,592 --> 00:06:28,512 So now, I am considering investing my half of our money, Hank. 142 00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:30,514 My half and your half? 143 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:32,766 That's not how we do our investments. 144 00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:35,227 Investing isn't like raising a child. 145 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,562 You can't just make it up as you go along. 146 00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:40,982 Well, Hank, he has a reasonable cost structure for equipment, 147 00:06:40,983 --> 00:06:45,195 a sound profit projection based on the population growth of pigs in Texas, 148 00:06:45,196 --> 00:06:47,447 and low employee costs: 149 00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:48,740 Dale and Bill. 150 00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:51,785 This is our retirement money we're talkin' about. 151 00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:54,413 How 'bout we let someone at our bank decide? 152 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,540 They have a bit more know-how than both of us. 153 00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:57,624 Fine. 154 00:06:57,625 --> 00:06:58,708 ♪ 155 00:06:58,709 --> 00:07:02,379 So, Mr. Coleman, we came to you because we knew you'd be able to tell us 156 00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:06,299 if this was a bad idea or a horrible, horrible idea. 157 00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:10,095 I'm glad you came to me. I've gone over the papers. 158 00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:11,888 - Yeah? - [Kevin Coleman] I think this 159 00:07:11,889 --> 00:07:16,059 is a great business idea and a sound investment. 160 00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:18,645 - Exactl-- Wait, what? - Hoyeah! 161 00:07:18,646 --> 00:07:21,064 Hoyeah, man, that ol' hoyeah, man. 162 00:07:21,065 --> 00:07:24,526 Well, if it's such a great idea, why don't you invest in it? 163 00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:27,904 - Well, you make a good point. - See, that's what I thought. 164 00:07:27,905 --> 00:07:30,157 - I'll go in with you as a partner. - [Peggy and Hank] You will? 165 00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:32,325 I'll help you make the business connections you need. 166 00:07:32,326 --> 00:07:34,786 This seems to be moving way too fast. 167 00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:36,621 Yeah, man, you talkin' 'bout puttin' that money 168 00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:39,541 where your dang ol' mouth is, man. You got a dang ol' deal, man. 169 00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,543 There's room for one more hand, Hank. 170 00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:43,378 We would be a great team. 171 00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:47,466 You know, every team needs a guy to watch the team from the stands 172 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,634 without putting his money in. 173 00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:50,844 Go, team. 174 00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:52,388 ♪ 175 00:07:53,931 --> 00:07:56,057 ♪ 176 00:07:56,058 --> 00:07:57,642 [speaker] [over video call] <i>I love it, yes!</i> 177 00:07:57,643 --> 00:07:59,019 [Peggy Hill] Then, it's unanimous. 178 00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:03,023 The name of the company will be "Boar No More." 179 00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:05,233 [group chattering] 180 00:08:05,234 --> 00:08:10,030 Uh, Peggy, who is this person? And why is everyone in our kitchen? 181 00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:12,574 I'm Cindy Carrington, Community Development. 182 00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:16,411 I'm excited to share I've already lined up two farms as your first clients. 183 00:08:16,412 --> 00:08:18,330 Oh, no, I'm not-- Wow. 184 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:21,666 Well, even though you have a very strong handshake, I, uh-- 185 00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:25,295 this isn't-- I-I'm not investing in the company. 186 00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:28,215 Bill? You invested in this nonsense too? 187 00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:30,091 Oh, I'm not an investor. 188 00:08:30,092 --> 00:08:32,385 I'm in charge of field operations. 189 00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:34,304 You know, shootin' stuff, 190 00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:36,932 then hidin' any stuff we weren't supposed to shoot. 191 00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:39,142 I'm a salaried employee. 192 00:08:39,143 --> 00:08:42,062 Hard to make a salary when there's no money comin' in. 193 00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:44,981 It's called deferred compensation, Hank. 194 00:08:44,982 --> 00:08:47,859 - Okay, what that means is-- - I know what it means, Peggy. 195 00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:52,197 - It means he's a glorified intern. - That is just not true. 196 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:54,616 - Bill, the creamer's low. - I'm on it! 197 00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:56,826 Alright, so the purpose of this meeting is to discuss-- 198 00:08:56,827 --> 00:08:58,995 [Connor Feliz] [on laptop] <i>Bup-bup! This is an executive session.</i> 199 00:08:58,996 --> 00:09:02,082 <i>- Company officers only.</i> - And who are you? 200 00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:04,125 <i>Sorry. Connor Feliz, Accounting.</i> 201 00:09:04,126 --> 00:09:05,961 Look, Connor from Accounting, 202 00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:08,797 I don't know how to kick someone's ass over Zoom, 203 00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:12,342 but I'll figure it out if you try to put me out of my own kitchen. 204 00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:15,637 Hank, if you wanna stay, honey, there is still an opportunity 205 00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:17,639 for you to invest in the company. 206 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:21,268 In exchange for my 30 years of exterminating experience, 207 00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:23,019 I get stock options. 208 00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:24,771 That's guaranteed money! 209 00:09:24,772 --> 00:09:27,148 That's not how stock options work. 210 00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:29,150 How <i>do</i> they work, Hank? 211 00:09:29,151 --> 00:09:32,153 I have no idea, but it can't be that. 212 00:09:32,154 --> 00:09:34,239 [sighs] I'll take my coffee outside. 213 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,199 - [Connor] <i>Bup-bup-bup! I move that we--</i> - Oops. 214 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:37,284 ♪ 215 00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:39,077 [Joseph Gribble] You slept together on the first date? 216 00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:40,161 You're a legend! 217 00:09:40,162 --> 00:09:42,455 No, bro, you're not listenin'. 218 00:09:42,456 --> 00:09:46,459 We both fell asleep and got kicked out of the symphony. 219 00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:49,671 - For having sex? - Joseph, come on, man. 220 00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:51,381 Did you take your Adderall? 221 00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:53,883 It was an awful first date, and I blew it. 222 00:09:53,884 --> 00:09:56,052 - Okay, okay, I'm focused. - [phone buzzing] 223 00:09:56,053 --> 00:09:57,430 Connie? 224 00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:00,765 Hellooo? 225 00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:03,560 [Connie Souphanousinphone] <i>Hey, Bobby. First off, I wanna say,</i> 226 00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:06,313 <i>I know last night wasn't the best first date.</i> 227 00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:09,399 Yeah, I kinda felt that too. 228 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:12,861 [Connie] <i>We just need to figure out a good "us" date, you know?</i> 229 00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:15,447 <i>I think I have a surprise you're gonna love.</i> 230 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,824 Ask her if it's "that thang." 231 00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:19,993 [Connie] <i>Joseph, I can hear you.</i> 232 00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:21,829 - Then answer me! - [phone beeps] 233 00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:26,667 [♪ tense guitar music playing] 234 00:10:27,835 --> 00:10:31,671 Check this out, Hank. We already have equipment sponsors. 235 00:10:31,672 --> 00:10:33,882 Equipment sponsors? 236 00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:36,426 People are just givin' you free stuff? 237 00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:39,054 Wow, Hank, you're red-hot with jealousy. 238 00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:43,058 You got dang little F-O-M-O, man. I'm talkin' 'bout that FOMO, man. 239 00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:45,560 I do not have F-O-M-O. 240 00:10:45,561 --> 00:10:49,105 I just don't understand. Y'all haven't killed pig one yet. 241 00:10:49,106 --> 00:10:51,441 Well, that is how business works, Hank. 242 00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:53,652 We do not have to kill pigs to make money. 243 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:58,114 We just have to let people know how many pigs we <i>plan</i> on killing, 244 00:10:58,115 --> 00:11:01,910 and then they are going to give us money today 245 00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:03,787 for the pigs we kill tomorrow. 246 00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:05,997 It is all in the prospectus. 247 00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:07,874 ♪ 248 00:11:07,875 --> 00:11:10,001 [Hank] I'm not taking this for myself. 249 00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:13,798 I'm gonna run it past the most successful businessperson I know. 250 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:15,548 ♪ 251 00:11:15,549 --> 00:11:17,759 You came to the right person, Ol' Top. 252 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:20,387 Are you sure this is a good time, sir? 253 00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:23,973 I'm retired, Hank. I got nothing but time now. 254 00:11:23,974 --> 00:11:25,850 - [treadmill beeping] - Walk with me, Hank. 255 00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:29,813 So, what am I missing, Buck? How is this a good investment? 256 00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:32,357 Yeah, well, I know the game they're playin', 257 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:35,110 and trust me, the odds are stacked against ya 258 00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:38,113 more than at a Puerto Rican craps table. 259 00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:42,158 Uh-uh, I wouldn't roll those dice, even if I loaded 'em myself. 260 00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:45,412 This was the kind of advice I was lookin' for, sir. 261 00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:47,747 Especially after they told me it was the last chance 262 00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:49,457 to get in on the ground floor. 263 00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:52,085 - [watch beeping rapidly] - Hmm. 264 00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:54,295 How much is the buy-in? 265 00:11:54,296 --> 00:11:55,839 Uh-- Uh... for you? 266 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:58,883 It's the same amount as you used to pay me in a year. 267 00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:00,343 Well, that's nothin'. 268 00:12:00,344 --> 00:12:03,096 Nothin' you wanna risk losing. [chuckles] 269 00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:06,015 You just-- you just go on home and you tell your wife 270 00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:08,351 you're passin' on their offer. 271 00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:10,937 What are you gonna do, Hank?! 272 00:12:10,938 --> 00:12:13,440 Uh, pass on their offer, sir. 273 00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:17,819 200% projected growth in one year <i>is</i> too good to be true. 274 00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:19,946 - [watch beeping rapidly] - Sir, are you okay? 275 00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:22,615 You gotta go slower, Mr. Strickland. 276 00:12:22,616 --> 00:12:24,325 Yeah, uh... [clears throat] 277 00:12:24,326 --> 00:12:27,162 It just, you know, it makes my blood boil 278 00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:30,749 to think a simple, honest man like you almost got fleeced. 279 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:34,836 Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time for my sponge bath. 280 00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:36,337 [Hank shudders] 281 00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:37,589 ♪ 282 00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,215 Oh, good, you're all here. 283 00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:42,594 Well, I appreciate the offer, but after talkin' with someone 284 00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:45,930 who knows more about business than all of us combined, 285 00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:47,307 I'm gonna pass again. 286 00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:50,143 The shares are not available anymore, Hank. 287 00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:52,270 - Really? - [Buck Strickland] <i>Is that Hank?</i> 288 00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:53,855 Mr. Strickland? 289 00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:55,648 You got the last shares? 290 00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:57,984 But you told me it was too good to be true. 291 00:12:57,985 --> 00:13:01,321 <i>Hank, it's your own fault you seduced me</i> 292 00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:05,116 <i>with your stories of dice, and odds, and craps.</i> 293 00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:06,951 Those were your words, sir. 294 00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,829 <i>Hank, this is a closed-door meetin' of investors.</i> 295 00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:12,625 <i>You gotta go. Sergeant at arms!</i> 296 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,878 Sorry, Hank. Nothin' personal. 297 00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,173 ♪ 298 00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:21,550 What the...? 299 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,387 - [Hank groans] - Peggy's husband is here. 300 00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:27,889 [security] [over walkie] <i>Yeah, let him in.</i> 301 00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,057 - [walkie chirps] - Follow me. 302 00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:30,351 [birds chirping] 303 00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:34,354 [♪ distant party music playing] 304 00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:35,522 [engine shuts off] 305 00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:36,731 [people chattering] 306 00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:38,149 [crowd] Cheers! 307 00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:40,026 - [Boomhauer] Cheers, man! - [Peggy] Here's to us! 308 00:13:40,027 --> 00:13:42,737 To us, livin' high on the hog! 309 00:13:42,738 --> 00:13:45,281 - [Dale] Good one, Buck! - [laughter and chatter] 310 00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:47,868 Here's your celery stalk juice, Mr. Strickland. 311 00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:50,745 - [Buck gulping] - [crowd] Oh! [laughing] 312 00:13:50,746 --> 00:13:52,747 - [bottle clinking] - I'm happy to announce 313 00:13:52,748 --> 00:13:55,959 that Boar No More has been acquired 314 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:59,295 by the biggest publicly-traded hog eradication company 315 00:13:59,296 --> 00:14:01,506 in the Southwest, 316 00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:04,425 - Pig Force Incorporated! - [crowd exclaiming] 317 00:14:04,426 --> 00:14:07,762 How did you sell a two-week-old company in two days? 318 00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:10,306 Oh, the company sold itself. 319 00:14:10,307 --> 00:14:12,851 I didn't even have to lift my skirt. 320 00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:17,480 Pig Force is buying up smaller companies all over the state. 321 00:14:17,481 --> 00:14:19,440 Hank, isn't it great? 322 00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:23,695 I have tripled our money, plus we all got shares in Pig Force Inc. 323 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,697 Honey, can you believe it? 324 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:28,116 They have gone up 20% since we sold! 325 00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:30,577 Ah, man, talkin' 'bout dang ol' hot stock, man. 326 00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:33,955 That good ol' dang man, that choo choo on that dang ol' gravy train, man. 327 00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:36,791 Cha-cha-ching! That's what I say now. 328 00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:39,919 - Get used to it. - Hank, isn't it great? 329 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:43,506 We're all going to be rich! Oh, except you. 330 00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:47,135 Sorry, I'm just used to you being involved in what we do. 331 00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:49,804 - [people gasping and cheering] - No, that's fine. I'm at peace with my-- 332 00:14:49,805 --> 00:14:51,764 It just went up another 2%! 333 00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:54,434 Cha-cha-ching! Warned you. 334 00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:57,812 As I was saying, I'm at peace with my decision. 335 00:14:57,813 --> 00:14:59,898 I don't feel like I'm missing out. 336 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:02,358 - [car horn honking] - [Buck] Whoo, they're here! 337 00:15:02,359 --> 00:15:05,320 Gifts for our company founders. 338 00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:06,696 - Wingo! - Oh, goody! 339 00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:08,364 - Gotdangit. - Ooh, man! 340 00:15:08,365 --> 00:15:10,909 Talkin' 'bout dang ol' shiiit. 341 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:15,330 And here to present them, Pig Force celebrity spokesperson, 342 00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:18,708 - Nolan Ryan! - The Ryan Express?! 343 00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:23,254 These keys are for Peggy, Bill, Dale, and-- how do you say this? 344 00:15:23,255 --> 00:15:25,590 Oh, talkin' 'bout dang ol' Boomhauer, man. 345 00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:27,050 Dang ol' Boomhauer. 346 00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:28,718 How did they get you to come here? 347 00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:33,181 I invested in Pig Force stock. You'd be a damn fool not to. 348 00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:35,308 - [people cheering] - It's gone up 10 more percent! 349 00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:37,644 - Cha-cha-ching! - Hey, that's my thing. 350 00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:39,812 And it's still goin'! [laughing] Yes! 351 00:15:39,813 --> 00:15:41,064 [all] Go! Go! Go! 352 00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:42,565 Oh, wow. 353 00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:47,236 Is it possible that I am even better at investing than I thought? 354 00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:49,614 I have to go to the bathroom. 355 00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:52,617 And, honey, while you're in there, I will get Nolan Ryan 356 00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,827 to sign a football for you. 357 00:15:54,828 --> 00:15:56,746 [indistinct chatter] 358 00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:59,166 [♪ curious music playing] 359 00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:02,585 [sighs] 360 00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:05,923 ♪ 361 00:16:06,715 --> 00:16:08,883 Good ol' slow and steady. 362 00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:11,637 [crowd] [continues chanting] Go! Go! Go! Go! 363 00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:14,473 [faint chanting continues] 364 00:16:15,849 --> 00:16:17,893 [♪ curious music continues] 365 00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:20,854 [phone chimes] 366 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,150 [kids shouting] 367 00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:28,653 [Connie] This is a fun surprise, right? 368 00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,238 Sure! 369 00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,699 Remember when we played in the bouncy house 370 00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,242 at Mr. Dauterive's as kids? 371 00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:35,910 [laughs] So fun! 372 00:16:35,911 --> 00:16:39,914 I remember the creepy guy who sold us beer, 373 00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:41,582 and I remember throwin' up. 374 00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:42,917 Oh, yeah. 375 00:16:42,918 --> 00:16:44,752 [kid laughing] 376 00:16:44,753 --> 00:16:46,546 Why aren't you jumpin' higher? 377 00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:49,716 I'm trying, kid. [chuckling] I'm just outta shape. 378 00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:52,552 Are you a giant kid or a weird adult? 379 00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:55,304 Neither. Go away. 380 00:16:55,305 --> 00:16:57,807 I didn't think there'd be so many kids here. 381 00:16:57,808 --> 00:17:00,935 As long as I'm with you, I'm having fun. 382 00:17:00,936 --> 00:17:04,480 Let's see how high we can bounce. Come on, take my hand! 383 00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:07,233 [♪ "Every Woman in the World" by Air Supply playing] 384 00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:11,572 <i>♪ You're every woman in the world to me ♪</i> 385 00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:13,781 <i>♪ You're my fantasy-- ♪</i> 386 00:17:13,782 --> 00:17:15,658 - [kid grunting] - [Connie and Bobby] Whoa! 387 00:17:15,659 --> 00:17:17,076 - [Connie] Ow! - Are you okay? 388 00:17:17,077 --> 00:17:18,161 [gags] 389 00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:20,497 - [Connie groaning] - Oh my goodness, Connie! 390 00:17:21,248 --> 00:17:23,666 [indistinct chatter] 391 00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:27,170 [sighs] Are we still chanting? 392 00:17:27,171 --> 00:17:28,921 No, Hank, we are not. 393 00:17:28,922 --> 00:17:30,548 - [concerned chatter] - [Bill sobbing] 394 00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:31,883 Shiiit. 395 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,176 [Bill whimpers] 396 00:17:33,177 --> 00:17:37,388 Wall Street's sayin' traditional pig eradication companies are out. 397 00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:42,393 So, all our investors are bailing like ticks on a drownin' dog. 398 00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:45,813 - What does that mean? - Ticks can't breathe underwater, Hank. 399 00:17:45,814 --> 00:17:48,692 It means the company's stock is worthless! 400 00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:50,359 Bwaah! 401 00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:52,862 Oh, well, win some, lose some. 402 00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:54,322 Thanks for the fun, guys. 403 00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:57,241 I guess you made the right play this time, Ol' Top. 404 00:17:57,242 --> 00:17:59,494 ♪ 405 00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:02,789 She's being sedated to help with the pain. Can I ask you a few ques-- 406 00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:05,625 Her legal name is Kahn Souphanousinphone, Jr. 407 00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:08,669 She's allergic to celery, sulfites, and cats. 408 00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:11,839 Her blood type is B positive. Her first menstruation was-- 409 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,925 Uh, are you next of kin? 410 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:17,220 Actually, we just started dating. 411 00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:19,055 Wanna guess how it's going? 412 00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:20,431 I see. 413 00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:23,643 Why don't you go down to the cafeteria before it closes? 414 00:18:23,644 --> 00:18:25,561 That's a good idea. 415 00:18:25,562 --> 00:18:30,274 Oh, before you go, for her weight, you put "None of my business." 416 00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:32,652 I know a trap when I see one. 417 00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:34,112 ♪ 418 00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:36,239 Peggy, there's somethin' I need to tell you. 419 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:40,326 I know I often invoke "The Tortoise and the Hare," 420 00:18:40,327 --> 00:18:42,954 but the truth is, when that story was written, 421 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:46,207 the tortoise didn't have the power to throw his nest egg away 422 00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:48,584 with a click of a "Buy Shares" button 423 00:18:48,585 --> 00:18:51,755 because he'd watched his slow friends make fast money. 424 00:18:52,714 --> 00:18:55,633 Are you saying you bought stock in Pig Force? 425 00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:58,511 - Yes. - Right before it crashed? 426 00:18:58,512 --> 00:19:00,847 It was almost like I caused it. 427 00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:03,224 - Oh, Hank. - I know. 428 00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:06,519 And I'm sorry that because of me, we've lost our money. 429 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:10,857 To make it up, I can hold off on buying the new jeans I wanted. 430 00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:13,234 Hank, we did not lose it all. 431 00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:16,612 I sold my shares before the stock crashed. 432 00:19:16,613 --> 00:19:18,614 You did? Why? 433 00:19:18,615 --> 00:19:21,325 Well, when we sold the company to Pig Force, 434 00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:26,038 I heard your voice in my head saying it was all happening too fast. 435 00:19:26,039 --> 00:19:29,125 I also heard you say... [imitating Hank] "Uh, Peggy? 436 00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:31,919 You still have to pay insurance on those trucks." 437 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:33,588 [normal] But the point is, Hank, 438 00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:36,591 I made the right decision because of you. 439 00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:38,801 I guess we do make a good team. 440 00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:41,220 But that's not what my voice sounds like. 441 00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:42,513 Where are you going? 442 00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:45,016 Well, I recollect there being two clients 443 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,310 that never got their pig problem solved. 444 00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:49,687 Call me old-fashioned, but I think a company 445 00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:51,772 should do what it says it's gonna do. 446 00:19:51,773 --> 00:19:54,317 If you need me, I'll be out trappin' hogs. 447 00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:56,278 And I greatly respect that. 448 00:19:57,279 --> 00:20:00,072 But to be clear, you are not owed any compensation 449 00:20:00,073 --> 00:20:02,534 from me or any company I am affiliated with. 450 00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:07,122 [people chattering] 451 00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:10,041 Aw! Is all this 452 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:12,168 - for your little brother or sister? - What? 453 00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:14,003 [laughing] Oh! No. 454 00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:16,464 These are for my girlfriend. 455 00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:18,049 She's not a kid. 456 00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:20,134 I see. Cash or card? 457 00:20:20,135 --> 00:20:23,095 I was hopin' this would make her feel better, 458 00:20:23,096 --> 00:20:25,723 but maybe I know 12-year-old Connie 459 00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:29,477 better than 21-year-old Connie. [sighs] 460 00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:31,646 There's a connection problem. 461 00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:35,316 I think you're right. What if all our connections now 462 00:20:35,317 --> 00:20:38,986 are just memories of the connection we had when we were younger? 463 00:20:38,987 --> 00:20:41,530 No, the credit card. Connection problem. 464 00:20:41,531 --> 00:20:44,700 Take it out, rub the back on your shirt, and try it again. 465 00:20:44,701 --> 00:20:46,202 - Oh. - [register beeps] 466 00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:47,787 There it goes. All set. 467 00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:49,288 I guess so. 468 00:20:49,289 --> 00:20:51,792 [♪ gentle music playing] 469 00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:58,297 Connie, I think I know why our dates have been terrible. 470 00:20:58,298 --> 00:21:01,008 We've been trying to have somethin' we had when we were kids 471 00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:04,053 and, uh, maybe we don't have it now, and-- 472 00:21:04,054 --> 00:21:06,806 - [crying] No! - What's wrong? 473 00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:09,684 Wait, are you breaking up with me 474 00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:12,186 while I'm in the hospital dying?! 475 00:21:12,187 --> 00:21:15,314 No! No, no, that's not what I meant. 476 00:21:15,315 --> 00:21:18,192 I was saying the adult versions of ourselves 477 00:21:18,193 --> 00:21:20,528 might not have the same connection. 478 00:21:20,529 --> 00:21:24,115 What if you only like the husky 12-year-old version of me 479 00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:26,617 that played wooden spoons on his belly? 480 00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:30,997 [laughing] I loved that Bobby. 481 00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:34,543 But I really like this... you Bobby now. 482 00:21:35,460 --> 00:21:37,295 I don't even know what I wanna do. 483 00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:40,631 But you, you're the bravest person I know, 484 00:21:40,632 --> 00:21:44,010 because you knew exactly what you wanted to do, 485 00:21:44,011 --> 00:21:46,220 and you are doing it. 486 00:21:46,221 --> 00:21:49,932 So, do you like the me Bobby now as a-- 487 00:21:49,933 --> 00:21:51,642 - [Connie kissing, moaning] - [Bobby moaning] 488 00:21:51,643 --> 00:21:52,852 [Bobby gasps] 489 00:21:52,853 --> 00:21:54,687 That was amazing. 490 00:21:54,688 --> 00:21:57,148 Get that cute butt in my bed! 491 00:21:57,149 --> 00:21:59,567 I wanna do weird stuff with you. 492 00:21:59,568 --> 00:22:02,653 - Weird stuff <i>to</i> you. - [Bobby chuckles] 493 00:22:02,654 --> 00:22:05,156 Ah, I feel so good. 494 00:22:05,157 --> 00:22:07,533 Nurse! Another round of this. 495 00:22:07,534 --> 00:22:10,536 How about we just talk? 496 00:22:10,537 --> 00:22:12,455 Is that pudding? 497 00:22:12,456 --> 00:22:14,248 [laughing] You know it. 498 00:22:14,249 --> 00:22:16,459 What was that stuff you stayed up all night 499 00:22:16,460 --> 00:22:18,627 studying for before the symphony? 500 00:22:18,628 --> 00:22:22,214 There's cool stuff called quantum dot emitters. 501 00:22:22,215 --> 00:22:25,593 The shit they're doing in Korea with it? [mimics explosion] 502 00:22:25,594 --> 00:22:30,890 That's exactly how I feel about the stuff I'm trying with kimchi and samgyeopsal. 503 00:22:30,891 --> 00:22:33,893 Bob! Let's go to South Korea! 504 00:22:33,894 --> 00:22:36,979 [laughing] That sounds like a date. 505 00:22:36,980 --> 00:22:38,522 - [chuckles] Oh. - Oh, ow. 506 00:22:38,523 --> 00:22:40,232 - Mm. - Ooh, sorry. 507 00:22:40,233 --> 00:22:42,194 ♪ 508 00:22:46,114 --> 00:22:47,449 [hog snorting] 509 00:22:49,076 --> 00:22:50,326 [squealing] 510 00:22:50,327 --> 00:22:52,162 [hogs snorting] 511 00:22:53,246 --> 00:22:54,372 It's working. 512 00:22:54,373 --> 00:22:56,499 [hogs snorting] 513 00:22:56,500 --> 00:22:58,542 It's working too well. 514 00:22:58,543 --> 00:23:00,419 [engines revving] 515 00:23:00,420 --> 00:23:01,670 [Dale] Woo-hoo! 516 00:23:01,671 --> 00:23:04,173 - [Bill] We got your six, Hank! - [Dale laughing] 517 00:23:04,174 --> 00:23:05,758 [Boomhauer] Yeah, man, we got your six, man. 518 00:23:05,759 --> 00:23:08,469 - [Bill] You guys got it! - [Boomhauer] Yeah, man! 519 00:23:08,470 --> 00:23:10,221 - [engines revving] - [hogs squealing] 520 00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:13,141 [♪ exciting music playing] 521 00:23:14,935 --> 00:23:16,227 [engines shut off] 522 00:23:16,228 --> 00:23:17,978 [♪ gentle music playing] 523 00:23:17,979 --> 00:23:20,147 We couldn't let you have all the fun. 524 00:23:20,148 --> 00:23:22,608 Besides, you're a terrible shot. 525 00:23:22,609 --> 00:23:27,113 Well, now that you guys are out here, we've got one more job to do. 526 00:23:27,114 --> 00:23:29,616 Hop in, you sexy tortoise! 527 00:23:32,577 --> 00:23:34,912 [John Redcorn] And now that my land is wild hog free, 528 00:23:34,913 --> 00:23:37,915 John Redcorn's Texas-Grown Red Corn 529 00:23:37,916 --> 00:23:41,710 will have a projected operating profit margin of 38%. 530 00:23:41,711 --> 00:23:43,504 So, Hills, what do you say? 531 00:23:43,505 --> 00:23:46,715 What does the Hill Family Inc. CFO say? 532 00:23:46,716 --> 00:23:51,137 After all, she's the reason we still have dividends left to invest. 533 00:23:51,138 --> 00:23:56,267 She says it is time Hill Family Inc. got into bed with John Redcorn. 534 00:23:56,268 --> 00:23:59,895 Uh, John Redcorn's Red Corn. The corn. 535 00:23:59,896 --> 00:24:02,023 She means the business, not you. 536 00:24:02,524 --> 00:24:04,568 I just want to be very clear. 537 00:24:10,907 --> 00:24:14,077 [♪ "Yahoos and Triangles" by The Refreshments playing] 538 00:24:29,551 --> 00:24:32,012 <i>- ♪ Yee-haw! ♪ - ♪ Wa-hoo! ♪</i> 539 00:24:50,530 --> 00:24:51,530 [♪ song ends] 540 00:24:51,531 --> 00:24:52,615 [birds chirping] 541 00:24:52,616 --> 00:24:54,533 - [golf club thumps] - [crowd cheering] 542 00:24:54,534 --> 00:24:56,577 ♪ 543 00:24:56,578 --> 00:24:59,580 - [Peggy] <i>Bill, the creamer's low.</i> - [Bill] <i>I'm on it!</i> 544 00:24:59,581 --> 00:25:02,584 [♪ fanfare playing] 544 00:25:03,305 --> 00:26:03,220 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org