"The PJs" The Jeffersons

1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000 The Pjs - The Jeffersons IMDB ID#0182621 DDDBBB, v1.0, 08/04/25 23.976 FPS 2 00:00:00,560 --> 00:00:03,820 <i>♪ Once upon a time in the projects ♪</i> 3 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:06,420 <i>♪ PJ's! ♪</i> 4 00:00:06,721 --> 00:00:07,520 <i>♪ Projects! ♪</i> 5 00:00:07,540 --> 00:00:08,840 <i>♪ Low rent high rise, y'all! ♪</i> 6 00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:10,280 <i>♪ PJ's! ♪</i> 7 00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:12,400 <i>♪ Projects! ♪</i> 8 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:13,740 <i>♪ Living in the PJ's! ♪</i> 9 00:00:14,100 --> 00:00:18,561 <i>♪ Holding down the cardboard condo Homeboy and a homemade bungalow ♪</i> 10 00:00:18,585 --> 00:00:22,940 <i>♪ In the middle of the end of a dead-end one way street. ♪</i> 11 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:29,100 <i>♪ Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya Living in the PJ's! ♪</i> 12 00:00:30,740 --> 00:00:31,740 <i>♪ PJ's! ♪</i> 13 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:41,288 <i>♪ Tenants meet, eatin' Tenants meet, eatin'</i> 14 00:00:41,312 --> 00:00:44,920 <i>♪ Tenants meet, eatin' Tenants meet, eatin'</i> 15 00:00:44,921 --> 00:00:47,959 <i>♪ Tenants meet, eatin'...</i> 16 00:00:47,983 --> 00:00:51,020 Thurgood, I've never seen you this excited for a tenants meeting. 17 00:00:51,340 --> 00:00:53,040 Well, Muriel, I realize I've been wrong. 18 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:56,340 There's no need to shout at tenants when they ask me to do my job. 19 00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:57,180 That's right. 20 00:00:57,560 --> 00:01:00,900 Not when I can silence them with the latest in Japanese technology. 21 00:01:01,524 --> 00:01:03,124 <i>[ BONG! ]</i> 22 00:01:03,620 --> 00:01:05,863 Thurgood, that's not a very polite way to... 23 00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:06,460 <i>[ BONG! ]</i> 24 00:01:07,540 --> 00:01:09,280 See? It works. 25 00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:13,304 <i>[ BONG! BONG! BONG! ...]</i> 26 00:01:13,860 --> 00:01:16,800 How dare you call us uncivilized! 27 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:19,100 Eat my shiitake mushrooms! 28 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:22,500 Hey, this ain't the way it was supposed to work! 29 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:24,300 Hey, help me out here, Muriel! 30 00:01:24,420 --> 00:01:26,856 And use violence, that's the only thing these people understand! 31 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:27,880 Okay, people. 32 00:01:28,540 --> 00:01:30,520 Obviously, we've reached an impasse. 33 00:01:30,521 --> 00:01:31,580 Muriel's right! 34 00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:33,800 Now, is there any new business? 35 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:35,520 We have some new business. 36 00:01:35,940 --> 00:01:38,060 Our school is trying to start a library. 37 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:41,500 Any books that you could donate would be greatly appreciated. 38 00:01:41,860 --> 00:01:42,860 I don't understand. 39 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:45,400 Why don't you all use the public library? 40 00:01:45,860 --> 00:01:46,860 They closed it. 41 00:01:46,900 --> 00:01:48,560 We heard they're gonna tear it down. 42 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:49,480 What? 43 00:01:49,620 --> 00:01:50,800 They closed the library? 44 00:01:51,140 --> 00:01:52,620 Now, see, that just ain't right. 45 00:01:52,900 --> 00:01:55,076 Where the hell are all the homeless people supposed to take their naps? 46 00:01:55,100 --> 00:01:56,180 Something ought to be done. 47 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:58,140 I'll tell you why they closed that library. 48 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:02,300 There's nothing scarier to the man than a brother with a book. 49 00:02:02,460 --> 00:02:04,720 Hey, that's deep. Where'd you hear that? 50 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:06,960 Remo said it on <i>What's Happening</i>. 51 00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:13,160 Stop! 52 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:14,440 Muriel, what are you doing? 53 00:02:14,980 --> 00:02:17,220 What the... You can't donate this! 54 00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:18,680 It's my first edition of Star Wars! 55 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:20,240 It's even signed by Chewbacca! 56 00:02:20,380 --> 00:02:21,820 See, right here it says... 57 00:02:23,780 --> 00:02:24,780 That's authentic! 58 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,820 Well, let's just see what you donated. 59 00:02:28,660 --> 00:02:30,240 Thurgood, this is your family Bible. 60 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,200 You can't donate your family Bible. 61 00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:33,560 Oh, Muriel, look. 62 00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:37,100 Sure, it's the greatest story ever told, but how many times can you hear it, really? 63 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:38,360 Oh, look! 64 00:02:38,460 --> 00:02:40,020 There's a family tree in here. 65 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:40,720 Really? 66 00:02:40,900 --> 00:02:42,360 I haven't seen a tree in years. 67 00:02:42,780 --> 00:02:43,780 Let's climb. 68 00:02:43,940 --> 00:02:47,920 See, here's your daddy, Earl Stubbs, and he married Willa Mae Stark. 69 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:48,620 That's your mama. 70 00:02:48,820 --> 00:02:52,620 And here are your daddy's parents, Dooley and Cora, and their parents, 71 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:54,600 and their parents, and their... 72 00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:59,120 Oh, my sweet lord! 73 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:00,680 What? What is it? 74 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:05,780 Thurgood, you're related to somebody very, very famous. 75 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:06,620 Oh, my God. 76 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:07,440 Oh, my goodness. 77 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:08,080 Really, who is it? 78 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:08,820 Who is it? Who is it? 79 00:03:09,020 --> 00:03:10,400 No, let me guess. I want to guess. 80 00:03:10,660 --> 00:03:11,800 Somebody famous. Someone famous. 81 00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:12,900 Who could that be? 82 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:14,160 Uh... 83 00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:15,300 Famous Amos! 84 00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:16,780 Let me give you a hint. 85 00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:19,680 It's someone who lived in the 18th century. 86 00:03:20,020 --> 00:03:21,660 Look, is it or is it not Famous Amos? 87 00:03:21,900 --> 00:03:22,940 No, it's not. 88 00:03:23,300 --> 00:03:24,536 Okay, well, you didn't say that. 89 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:25,560 It's Thomas Jefferson. 90 00:03:25,980 --> 00:03:26,300 Oh. 91 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:27,640 Thomas Jefferson? 92 00:03:28,101 --> 00:03:29,461 The guy who owned the high school? 93 00:03:29,620 --> 00:03:32,700 Thomas Jefferson, the man who wrote the Declaration of Independence. 94 00:03:33,620 --> 00:03:36,060 You see, Thomas Jefferson had a slave. 95 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:37,780 Her name was Sally Hemings. 96 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,900 But they called her Dusky Sally. 97 00:03:40,140 --> 00:03:42,880 And she and Thomas Jefferson had a child together. 98 00:03:42,980 --> 00:03:45,740 And you're a descendant of that child. 99 00:03:46,420 --> 00:03:47,420 Thomas Jefferson? 100 00:03:47,500 --> 00:03:48,860 That mean I got white blood in me? 101 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:51,080 I have mixed feelings about that. 102 00:03:51,380 --> 00:03:54,580 Thomas Jefferson's not just any white man. 103 00:03:54,900 --> 00:03:57,580 He's one of the founding fathers. 104 00:03:57,581 --> 00:03:59,740 One of the founding fathers, huh? 105 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:01,600 Let me see this thing. 106 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:06,640 You know, I'm surprised I didn't make the connection sooner between me and Jefferson. 107 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,460 Look at all these similarities, Muriel. 108 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:10,760 Jefferson made the Louisiana Purchase. 109 00:04:11,260 --> 00:04:12,620 I just purchased some Louisiana. 110 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,380 Jefferson lived in Monticello. 111 00:04:15,740 --> 00:04:17,220 I used to drive a Monte Carlo. 112 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:19,000 Jefferson's on a two dollar bill. 113 00:04:19,220 --> 00:04:21,020 You have two dollars in your savings account. 114 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:22,500 Now you got it, Muriel. 115 00:04:22,660 --> 00:04:23,660 Call a tennis meeting. 116 00:04:23,820 --> 00:04:27,560 It's time to tell these people that their super is a proud descendant... 117 00:04:27,561 --> 00:04:29,760 of Thomas Jefferson and Dirty Sally. 118 00:04:30,220 --> 00:04:30,740 Dusky. 119 00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:31,940 Oh, whatever the name is. 120 00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:34,000 Just tell the people to come on down. We'll have a meeting. 121 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:37,480 Okay, Muriel. 122 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:38,600 Now. 123 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:43,340 Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye. 124 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:47,880 Attend ye to this declaration of superintendence. 125 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:51,620 Quiet down, please. 126 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:57,281 When in the cause of tossing out books, I found the following truths about myself to be evident. 127 00:04:57,560 --> 00:05:01,020 And I have ascertained that all men have been created equal. 128 00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:07,080 Except for those who are more equal because we are related to Thomas Alpha Jefferson. 129 00:05:07,580 --> 00:05:09,520 Muriel, what's that fool talking about? 130 00:05:10,340 --> 00:05:12,100 Thurgood's related to Thomas Jefferson. 131 00:05:12,260 --> 00:05:12,820 What? 132 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:13,940 You heard her. 133 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:17,800 Thomas Jefferson was my great-great-great-grandmama's baby's daddy. 134 00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:19,440 Let me get this straight. 135 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:24,840 You say you related to the author of the Declaration of Independence? 136 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:26,160 That is correct. 137 00:05:26,161 --> 00:05:32,700 Well, when in the course of human events, are you going to fix my toilet? 138 00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:37,227 Mrs. Avery, when my ancestor Thomas Alpha Jefferson had a 139 00:05:37,251 --> 00:05:40,760 clogged chamber pot, he probably asked one of his slaves to address it. 140 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:42,840 Shameful, shameful dark times. 141 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:45,900 But we've come a long way since then. 142 00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:46,760 Amen. 143 00:05:47,140 --> 00:05:49,480 We don't enslave others to do our work for us. 144 00:05:49,540 --> 00:05:50,540 We do it ourselves. 145 00:05:51,220 --> 00:05:51,780 Proudly. 146 00:05:51,820 --> 00:05:52,240 Hallelujah. 147 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:55,120 Now let us rise up and march together. 148 00:05:55,121 --> 00:05:56,840 To make your toiletries. 149 00:05:56,920 --> 00:05:57,160 Hey! 150 00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:58,480 Hallelujah! 151 00:05:58,700 --> 00:05:59,700 Hallelujah! 152 00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:04,300 Now, I may not get there with you, but I want you to know that as a people, 153 00:06:04,420 --> 00:06:05,700 we will get there. 154 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:06,560 <i>Testify!</i> 155 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:07,880 <i>Lord have mercy!</i> 156 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,300 Muriel, did you see how I handled those tenants just now? 157 00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:13,520 God, I was brilliant. 158 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,420 It was almost as if there was some kind of 159 00:06:15,444 --> 00:06:17,660 thinking device in my head telling me what to say. 160 00:06:17,900 --> 00:06:19,280 Yes, it was very impressive. 161 00:06:19,820 --> 00:06:21,260 You were really inspiring. 162 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:22,440 Yeah, I know. 163 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:23,260 I ran out of tussie. 164 00:06:23,261 --> 00:06:27,160 You know, Muriel, for years I've been a superintendent and that satisfied the slave half of me. 165 00:06:27,340 --> 00:06:28,100 Shame on me. 166 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:28,900 Dark times. 167 00:06:29,060 --> 00:06:29,640 Dark times. 168 00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:33,260 But now that I'm a Jefferson, I feel my life needs more fulfillment. 169 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:34,520 Like I have a higher calling. 170 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:36,260 Maybe you could run for office. 171 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:37,820 Muriel, I can't run from offices. 172 00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:39,120 You saw what they did to Rodney. 173 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:40,840 Not offices, Thurgood. 174 00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:42,460 Elected office. 175 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:44,200 What? Are you crazy? 176 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:45,920 No, I mean it. 177 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:47,060 You're a hard worker. 178 00:06:47,180 --> 00:06:48,280 You motivate people. 179 00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:50,960 You could even help the community get that library. 180 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:52,940 Muriel, you know something? You're right. 181 00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:55,020 The community needs more than just a library. 182 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:55,700 It needs a leader. 183 00:06:55,820 --> 00:06:57,120 It needs a Jefferson. 184 00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:59,960 I'll run for office because I belong to the people. 185 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:01,120 The people own me. 186 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:02,800 Hey, wait. 187 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:04,200 Does that make me a slave? 188 00:07:05,140 --> 00:07:06,440 Shameful dark times. 189 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:07,480 Dark times. 190 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,020 You're running for Alderman? 191 00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:16,480 But, Thurgood... You don't know nothing about politics. 192 00:07:16,940 --> 00:07:22,160 Need I remind you that I am the bastard spawn of Thomas Jefferson and his slave, Sonia Henney? 193 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:23,440 Sally Hemmings. 194 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:24,580 Whatever. 195 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:26,620 Look, I've already legally changed my name. 196 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:28,240 Now who wants to join Team Jefferson? 197 00:07:28,380 --> 00:07:29,840 I want to be your spin doctor. 198 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:30,820 Spin doctor? 199 00:07:30,940 --> 00:07:31,180 What's that? 200 00:07:31,460 --> 00:07:33,140 I put a positive spin on things. 201 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:35,560 Like if your critics say your budget is niggardly. 202 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:36,420 Niggardly? 203 00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:37,080 You're fired. 204 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:37,600 I'm sorry. 205 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:38,840 Okay, you're back. 206 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,700 Now I'm gonna need an image consultant. 207 00:07:40,940 --> 00:07:41,940 Sanchez, that's you. 208 00:07:42,220 --> 00:07:45,480 The important thing is not to talk in a monotone. 209 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:47,240 People really hate me. 210 00:07:47,241 --> 00:07:49,120 I mean that. 211 00:07:49,980 --> 00:07:50,500 Tarnell. 212 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:51,880 Sup, Supe? 213 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:53,620 <i>You got a speech for me?</i> 214 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:55,080 Coming up, Java Critic. 215 00:07:57,140 --> 00:08:01,020 Four scores and three strikes to go, yadda yadda yadda. 216 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:03,220 If nominated, I will not run. 217 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:05,000 If elected, I will not serve. 218 00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:07,100 Very good. 219 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:08,600 Thank you. 220 00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:11,900 Now, the most important job of all, campaign manager. 221 00:08:11,940 --> 00:08:12,940 Who's left? 222 00:08:13,380 --> 00:08:15,360 Walter, can I count on you to press the flesh? 223 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,640 Let's save the hookers for the victory party. 224 00:08:18,820 --> 00:08:21,180 Now see, that's why you're campaign manager. 225 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:22,660 All right, people. 226 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,700 Most folks think we're gonna put on a half-ass campaign. 227 00:08:26,220 --> 00:08:27,520 I say not good enough. 228 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:31,720 I want a three-quarter-ass effort from each and every one of you. 229 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,152 And Thurgood Jefferson's gonna ride that 230 00:08:34,176 --> 00:08:37,000 extra one-quarter-ass all the way to victory. 231 00:08:37,420 --> 00:08:38,420 Jefferson! 232 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:40,160 Jefferson! 233 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:42,540 Yeah, ride that ass! 234 00:08:43,620 --> 00:08:44,620 Jefferson! 235 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:51,420 <i>♫ I say YOU... got... to reach... for the top.</i> 236 00:08:51,441 --> 00:08:55,160 <i>♫ ...reachin' for the top, yeah</i> ♫ ...don't you never stop. 237 00:08:55,320 --> 00:09:30,320 <i>... ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫</i> 238 00:08:57,441 --> 00:08:59,441 <i>[ car crash ]</i> 239 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:07,074 240 00:09:31,690 --> 00:09:34,110 Okay, we already got the black Republican vote. 241 00:09:34,250 --> 00:09:34,990 He was easy. 242 00:09:35,110 --> 00:09:36,690 What about the working man's vote? 243 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,150 Uh, he was at work. 244 00:09:38,230 --> 00:09:38,990 We'll get him tonight. 245 00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:39,650 Wait! 246 00:09:39,770 --> 00:09:40,430 It's 6.30! 247 00:09:40,570 --> 00:09:41,570 Turn on the news! 248 00:09:45,925 --> 00:09:47,725 Roosevelt brought you the <i>New Deal</i>. 249 00:09:47,750 --> 00:09:49,560 I bring you the new Dillio. 250 00:09:49,620 --> 00:09:51,420 and I vow that this community will 251 00:09:51,432 --> 00:09:53,232 not succumb to drugs and violence 252 00:09:53,256 --> 00:09:54,586 on <i>my watch</i>. 253 00:09:55,310 --> 00:09:56,690 I got your watch right here. 254 00:09:56,910 --> 00:09:58,330 Will you give me that, you damn fool! 255 00:10:00,790 --> 00:10:03,182 And that's Thurgood Jefferson, continuing to 256 00:10:03,206 --> 00:10:05,990 wage his battle for the 9th ward alderman office. 257 00:10:05,991 --> 00:10:10,010 Although polls show him with less than 3% of the vote. 258 00:10:10,170 --> 00:10:11,370 3%?! 259 00:10:11,850 --> 00:10:13,370 How can I be so far behind? 260 00:10:13,710 --> 00:10:15,390 Don't the people know that I'm a Jefferson? 261 00:10:16,050 --> 00:10:17,050 Relax, Thurgood. 262 00:10:17,290 --> 00:10:18,350 Read my neck. 263 00:10:18,630 --> 00:10:20,090 It's not over till it's over. 264 00:10:20,450 --> 00:10:21,470 Keep your big neck shut! 265 00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:24,190 I can't win! 266 00:10:24,630 --> 00:10:26,210 The election's in a couple of days. 267 00:10:26,290 --> 00:10:27,130 I don't have no time. 268 00:10:27,150 --> 00:10:27,950 I don't have no money. 269 00:10:28,050 --> 00:10:31,150 And if I can't win on my name, all I got is my brains and my good looks. 270 00:10:32,650 --> 00:10:34,550 Oh God, this can't end well! 271 00:10:42,090 --> 00:10:45,930 Man! My lifelong dream for the past two weeks to become alderman ruined. 272 00:10:45,930 --> 00:10:46,930 Gone! 273 00:10:48,570 --> 00:10:49,570 <i>Excuse us.</i> 274 00:10:50,670 --> 00:10:52,150 <i>Are you Thurgood Jefferson?</i> 275 00:10:53,290 --> 00:10:54,430 Uh, maybe. Maybe not. 276 00:10:59,890 --> 00:11:02,172 Uh, listen, uh, guys, if this is about me not filing 277 00:11:02,196 --> 00:11:04,430 taxes for the past five years, I can explain. 278 00:11:04,750 --> 00:11:07,410 Mr. Jefferson, we are not from the government. 279 00:11:07,411 --> 00:11:11,750 I represent a consortium that wants to help you win the election. 280 00:11:12,030 --> 00:11:13,030 Why me? 281 00:11:13,070 --> 00:11:16,250 Because we believe in the same things you do. 282 00:11:16,530 --> 00:11:19,030 You believe that O.J. was innocent? 283 00:11:19,830 --> 00:11:20,830 ...uh yes. 284 00:11:21,070 --> 00:11:24,930 From now on, we will take care of your entire campaign. 285 00:11:25,470 --> 00:11:26,610 What are you going to do? 286 00:11:26,890 --> 00:11:28,450 Let us worry about that. 287 00:11:28,590 --> 00:11:30,950 Just know we'll ensure your victory. 288 00:11:31,990 --> 00:11:33,790 Well, what's in it for me? 289 00:11:34,130 --> 00:11:35,450 You'll win the election. 290 00:11:36,110 --> 00:11:37,310 Hey, now you're talking. 291 00:11:37,311 --> 00:11:40,730 So, shall we seal our relationship with a drink? 292 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:42,130 As long as you buyin'. 293 00:11:46,170 --> 00:11:47,710 This is going to be good. 294 00:11:51,340 --> 00:11:53,840 Thurgood! Where have you been?? 295 00:11:54,220 --> 00:11:55,120 I don't know. 296 00:11:55,180 --> 00:11:57,560 I can't seem to account for the last hour and a half. 297 00:11:57,840 --> 00:11:59,780 Thurgood, you've been gone three days. 298 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:00,700 Three days? 299 00:12:00,980 --> 00:12:02,440 It's election night. 300 00:12:03,420 --> 00:12:04,240 Quiet, y'all. 301 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:05,320 The results are in. 302 00:12:06,620 --> 00:12:09,220 And now the returns for the ninth ward alderman race. 303 00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:12,900 In a stunning upset, Thurgood Jefferson has defeated incumbent 304 00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:13,940 Henry J. Phillips. 305 00:12:13,964 --> 00:12:17,964 Yay!! Speech! Speech! Speech! 306 00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:20,700 Wow! 307 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:24,100 Of course, I couldn't have done this without my first lady. 308 00:12:24,340 --> 00:12:27,380 Well, she wasn't actually my first lady. He he he. 309 00:12:27,540 --> 00:12:28,840 The love of my life. 310 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:30,360 Muriel Rodham Jefferson. 311 00:12:30,580 --> 00:12:31,200 Come on, Muriel. 312 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:33,220 Uh, my maiden name is Warren. 313 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:34,100 Muriel, please. 314 00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:35,300 We're selling Camelot here. 315 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:38,140 I guess the best way to thank you all for your support 316 00:12:38,164 --> 00:12:39,976 is to tell you what I plan to do as your alderman. 317 00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:42,575 I will build a new hospital to take care of our sick... 318 00:12:42,599 --> 00:12:44,980 a new school to take care of our young... 319 00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:47,100 and a new library to take care of our stupid. 320 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:49,220 Remember, I work for you. 321 00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:51,940 Correction, you work for me. 322 00:13:01,050 --> 00:13:03,190 Okay, everybody, smile for the camera. 323 00:13:04,090 --> 00:13:04,530 Government? 324 00:13:04,930 --> 00:13:05,930 Cheese! 325 00:13:07,710 --> 00:13:09,130 Okay, everybody, gather around. 326 00:13:09,230 --> 00:13:11,910 I'd like to show you all the reason why I brought you all down here. 327 00:13:13,430 --> 00:13:14,470 Behold! 328 00:13:16,970 --> 00:13:19,850 Hey, that taxi's picking up a brother. 329 00:13:19,990 --> 00:13:24,050 Yes, this model represents the fulfillment of all the promises I made during my campaign. 330 00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:26,210 I call it Projects 2000. 331 00:13:26,450 --> 00:13:28,610 See, here's a new hospital, and here's a new school. 332 00:13:29,390 --> 00:13:30,910 Is there a library? 333 00:13:31,070 --> 00:13:32,330 Of course there's a library. 334 00:13:32,410 --> 00:13:33,766 This is a utopian vision, isn't it? 335 00:13:33,790 --> 00:13:35,230 It's right here between the prisons. 336 00:13:35,630 --> 00:13:37,490 Wow, Super, you da alderMAN. 337 00:13:37,970 --> 00:13:39,370 No, YOU da alderman. 338 00:13:39,930 --> 00:13:40,930 Well, let's go. 339 00:13:41,170 --> 00:13:43,310 I'm sure Thurgood's got a lot of work to do. 340 00:13:43,550 --> 00:13:43,850 Oh! 341 00:13:43,870 --> 00:13:44,130 Bye! 342 00:13:44,131 --> 00:13:44,430 See you! 343 00:13:44,770 --> 00:13:44,990 Bye! 344 00:13:45,310 --> 00:13:46,310 Peace! 345 00:13:47,050 --> 00:13:51,130 Now, where to put my home Thurguchello? 346 00:13:51,354 --> 00:13:53,354 <i>[ phone rings ]</i> 347 00:13:57,590 --> 00:13:58,590 Alderman Jefferson? 348 00:13:58,890 --> 00:13:59,270 <i>Jefferson.</i> 349 00:13:59,670 --> 00:14:00,670 Hey, you! 350 00:14:00,810 --> 00:14:03,526 I've been meaning to call you. You got any more of that Brandy? 351 00:14:03,550 --> 00:14:05,170 <i>We talk, you listen.</i> 352 00:14:05,590 --> 00:14:07,370 Oh, okie dokie, artichokee. 353 00:14:07,570 --> 00:14:11,070 <i>Thurgood, it's time for your first official act as alderman.</i> 354 00:14:11,071 --> 00:14:15,990 <i>You will vote to sell all vacant buildings in your district to</i> 355 00:14:16,010 --> 00:14:17,730 <i>Y.T. Liquors.</i> 356 00:14:17,930 --> 00:14:20,890 But, then I won't be able to make all the improvements I planned on. 357 00:14:21,130 --> 00:14:22,690 Hey, look, I can't let the people down. 358 00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:25,010 <i>Thurgood, look in your left-hand drawer.</i> 359 00:14:26,030 --> 00:14:27,370 <i>Do you see a stapler?</i> 360 00:14:27,590 --> 00:14:28,150 Yes, I do. 361 00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:30,870 <i>That's because you opened the right-hand drawer.</i> 362 00:14:31,070 --> 00:14:32,390 <i>Now open the left.</i> 363 00:14:35,270 --> 00:14:36,270 Ut! 364 00:14:36,670 --> 00:14:37,670 Ut! 365 00:14:38,250 --> 00:14:38,770 Ut! 366 00:14:38,771 --> 00:14:39,590 Ut! 367 00:14:39,591 --> 00:14:39,810 Ut! 368 00:14:39,990 --> 00:14:40,450 Ut! 369 00:14:40,451 --> 00:14:41,451 Ut! 370 00:14:41,690 --> 00:14:44,170 <i>Clearly, we have you by the "Uts".</i> 371 00:14:44,310 --> 00:14:47,450 <i>What do you think your wife would say if she saw your little... photo spread?</i> 372 00:14:47,910 --> 00:14:50,510 Oh no, please, please, you mustn't show Muriel these pictures. 373 00:14:50,630 --> 00:14:51,210 She'd be crushed. 374 00:14:51,510 --> 00:14:53,750 <i>Well then, do we have our liquor stores?</i> 375 00:14:54,270 --> 00:14:57,270 I don't know how I'm going to convince the people to let me put up more liquor stores. 376 00:14:57,610 --> 00:14:58,710 <i>You'll think of something.</i> 377 00:14:59,030 --> 00:15:00,530 <i>Your a Jefferson. [ click ]</i> 378 00:15:07,630 --> 00:15:09,250 Three cheers for Thurgood! 379 00:15:09,670 --> 00:15:10,670 Hip Hop Hooray! 380 00:15:11,250 --> 00:15:12,550 Hip Hop Hooray! 381 00:15:12,551 --> 00:15:13,970 Oh, hold your applause, people. 382 00:15:14,090 --> 00:15:15,830 Please, please, please, hold your applause. 383 00:15:16,030 --> 00:15:17,050 Please, hold your applause. 384 00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:20,950 It's the least we could do for the man who's giving us a new hospital. 385 00:15:21,470 --> 00:15:23,110 Oh yeah, about that. 386 00:15:23,210 --> 00:15:25,610 I've been giving that hospital thing a lot of thought lately. 387 00:15:25,710 --> 00:15:26,890 Let me ask you a question. 388 00:15:27,270 --> 00:15:28,670 What do you get from a hospital? 389 00:15:29,490 --> 00:15:29,930 Medicine. 390 00:15:29,931 --> 00:15:31,870 And what's the best medicine in the world? 391 00:15:32,470 --> 00:15:32,910 Laughter. 392 00:15:32,950 --> 00:15:34,790 And who are the happiest people in the world? 393 00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:35,750 Drunks. 394 00:15:35,870 --> 00:15:39,670 So I say let's cut out the middle man and open a liquor store. 395 00:15:39,870 --> 00:15:43,330 What about the new school? We still get our school, right? 396 00:15:43,350 --> 00:15:46,070 Now what are the chances of our kids getting a good education? 397 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,170 The odds are astronomical. 398 00:15:47,390 --> 00:15:50,330 With Lotto on the other hand, the odds are merely improbable. 399 00:15:50,470 --> 00:15:52,306 And where do you get your best lottery tickets? 400 00:15:52,330 --> 00:15:53,590 At a liquor store. 401 00:15:54,310 --> 00:15:55,610 Another liquor store? 402 00:15:56,050 --> 00:15:57,150 Great idea, Mrs. Avery. 403 00:15:57,230 --> 00:16:00,110 We'll scrap the fire station and build another liquor store. 404 00:16:00,450 --> 00:16:00,890 Huh. 405 00:16:00,950 --> 00:16:03,066 We should have known he couldn't clean up our community. 406 00:16:03,090 --> 00:16:04,650 He couldn't even clean up our building. 407 00:16:05,490 --> 00:16:08,390 And to think I wanted to be your intern. 408 00:16:09,710 --> 00:16:12,710 Super. You're still going to build a new library though, right? 409 00:16:12,750 --> 00:16:14,450 Boys, politics is very complicated. 410 00:16:14,530 --> 00:16:16,690 Let me see if I can put it in terms you can understand. 411 00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:19,790 The library is a lot like Santa Claus. 412 00:16:20,030 --> 00:16:21,390 It doesn't exist. 413 00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:23,770 Now, liquor stores, on the other hand, are like God. 414 00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:24,950 They're everywhere. 415 00:16:25,270 --> 00:16:27,110 But Super, you promised. 416 00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:29,310 Come on, Juicy. 417 00:16:29,670 --> 00:16:30,810 Let's get out of here. 418 00:16:31,130 --> 00:16:31,670 Boys, wait. 419 00:16:31,730 --> 00:16:32,730 Let me explain. 420 00:16:41,354 --> 00:16:43,354 <i>[ phone rings ]</i> 421 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:05,580 <i>Jefferson, why haven't you filed the paperwork for our new liquor store?</i> 422 00:17:06,020 --> 00:17:09,380 Yeah, listen, don't you think a library might be a better idea? 423 00:17:09,660 --> 00:17:11,621 Nobody wants another liquor store in the projects. 424 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:13,980 <i>If you build it, they will come.</i> 425 00:17:14,380 --> 00:17:16,861 But listen, the property is right next to an elementary school. 426 00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:17,460 There's kids in there. 427 00:17:17,660 --> 00:17:18,080 <i>Good.</i> 428 00:17:18,180 --> 00:17:19,380 <i>We can sell cigarettes too.</i> 429 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:21,340 Have you people no shame? 430 00:17:21,700 --> 00:17:23,600 <i>Tomorrow there's a vote on the library bond.</i> 431 00:17:23,860 --> 00:17:25,440 <i>We need you to vote against it.</i> 432 00:17:25,441 --> 00:17:26,640 I'm not gonna do it. 433 00:17:26,641 --> 00:17:28,300 Go on, show those photos to my wife. 434 00:17:28,340 --> 00:17:28,740 I don't care. 435 00:17:28,860 --> 00:17:30,720 I gave those good people my word. 436 00:17:31,180 --> 00:17:32,180 <i>Yes, you did.</i> 437 00:17:32,900 --> 00:17:35,100 <i>Your dying word.</i> [ click ] 438 00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:41,840 My God, Thurgood. 439 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:43,340 You're not a Jefferson. 440 00:17:43,660 --> 00:17:44,660 You're a Clinton. 441 00:17:44,860 --> 00:17:45,940 Walter, I was set up. 442 00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:48,740 You think your friends can set me up? 443 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:49,680 They're not my friends. 444 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:50,400 They wanna kill me. 445 00:17:50,540 --> 00:17:52,700 So I've come up with an idea that just might work. 446 00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:54,480 You guys are gonna have to kill me first. 447 00:17:55,860 --> 00:17:56,860 Kill you? 448 00:17:57,300 --> 00:17:59,820 Now I'll have no pretend friends. 449 00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:01,280 No, not really kill me. 450 00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:02,360 Fake my assassination. 451 00:18:02,660 --> 00:18:05,000 If the Consortium thinks I'm dead, they won't kill me. 452 00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:06,100 What do you say? 453 00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:09,180 Oh, I get it. 454 00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:09,720 A fake. 455 00:18:09,780 --> 00:18:13,140 Just like the CIA faked JFK, RFK, and MLK. 456 00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:16,220 They're all living on a secret island with Notorious B.I.G. 457 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:17,760 We don't need to discuss much. 458 00:18:17,900 --> 00:18:19,960 The answer's easy if you take it logically. 459 00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:22,900 I'm telling you, there's fifty ways to kill a brother. 460 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,800 How about a Colombian necktie? 461 00:18:25,801 --> 00:18:26,801 Sticky bomb? 462 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:28,360 Or maybe electrocution. 463 00:18:28,780 --> 00:18:30,180 Oh, I like that. 464 00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:32,440 Hey, I don't know if you guys get it. 465 00:18:32,460 --> 00:18:34,741 You're not actually killing me, you're faking it, alright? 466 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:37,217 I know a guy who, for five bucks, will 467 00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:39,600 beat you into hamburger with a two-by-four. 468 00:18:40,100 --> 00:18:41,660 Thanks. You guys are the greatest. 469 00:18:42,284 --> 00:18:43,984 Boo! 470 00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:46,680 You suck! 471 00:18:47,340 --> 00:18:48,320 Yes, you are right. 472 00:18:48,321 --> 00:18:49,321 I do suck. 473 00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:52,840 Sometimes in politics you're forced to do things that <i>are</i> difficult. 474 00:18:52,841 --> 00:18:55,180 Like the decisions I taken recently. 475 00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:58,680 Now I know this won't be popular with some people. 476 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:02,020 But I didn't enter politics to be popular. 477 00:19:02,590 --> 00:19:04,880 I entered politics because I am popular! 478 00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:08,500 I'm Thurgood Jefferson and I do what I please! 479 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:13,460 And that's why I voted to build your new library! 480 00:19:13,461 --> 00:19:15,160 Long live the library. 481 00:19:15,161 --> 00:19:18,080 Jefferson! Jefferson! 482 00:19:19,060 --> 00:19:21,160 Jefferson! Jefferson! 483 00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:24,280 Long live the library. 484 00:19:25,340 --> 00:19:26,780 It's show time. 485 00:19:26,804 --> 00:19:27,804 <i>[ gun cocks... ]</i> 486 00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:33,280 <i>[ click, click, click ]</i> 487 00:19:33,604 --> 00:19:35,204 Oh oh. 488 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:42,660 Again I say, long live the library! 489 00:19:42,940 --> 00:19:43,940 Yeah! 490 00:19:44,140 --> 00:19:45,500 Woohoo! 491 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:54,420 Uh, sorry brother-in-law. 492 00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:59,280 For the last time, long live the library! 493 00:19:59,304 --> 00:20:09,304 <i>[ dramatic spaghetti western music... ]</i> 494 00:20:17,780 --> 00:20:18,780 <i>[ BOOM ]</i> 495 00:20:27,004 --> 00:20:29,004 [ bang! ] 496 00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,280 <i>[ a woman screams... ]</i> 497 00:20:42,340 --> 00:20:43,340 [ Muriel ] Oh god! 498 00:20:43,364 --> 00:20:45,364 [ Walter ] Come on, clear out! ...Police 499 00:20:53,380 --> 00:20:56,180 Ok, we're clear! That's a wrap everybody. 500 00:21:01,230 --> 00:21:02,540 Great work everybody! 501 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:04,480 Thurgood! 502 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:05,840 Oh my god! 503 00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:07,160 You're alive? 504 00:21:07,620 --> 00:21:08,800 Of course I'm alive! 505 00:21:09,020 --> 00:21:10,320 Muriel, it was all a fake! 506 00:21:10,321 --> 00:21:11,321 A fake? 507 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:14,580 Yeah, we had to kill Thurgood Jefferson so Thurgood Stubbs could live. 508 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,076 I couldn't tell you about it, Muriel. 509 00:21:16,100 --> 00:21:17,336 It was for your own protection. 510 00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:18,360 Aren't you happy? 511 00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:22,540 I'LL KILL YOU! 512 00:21:24,380 --> 00:21:28,020 I I I love love love you you you too, Muriel. 513 00:21:28,740 --> 00:21:31,960 Hey Walter, there's just one thing I don't understand. 514 00:21:32,340 --> 00:21:33,480 We all missed. 515 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:34,280 Yeah. 516 00:21:34,700 --> 00:21:36,540 I made sure we had a backup. 517 00:21:36,964 --> 00:21:42,964 <i>[ dramatic James Bond music... ]</i> 518 00:21:43,190 --> 00:21:44,630 I'll be in my trailer. 519 00:21:44,910 --> 00:21:46,810 Let me know when we shoot for keeps. 519 00:21:47,305 --> 00:22:47,885 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org