"Mandy" Mad Mandy: Fury Road

1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,519 This programme contains strong language. 2 00:00:04,520 --> 00:00:07,759 ♪ Oh, Mandy, well, you came and you gave without taking 3 00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:12,399 ♪ But I sent you away, oh, Mandy 4 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:17,079 ♪ Well, you kissed me and stopped me from shaking 5 00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:19,759 ♪ And I need you today 6 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:21,400 ♪ Oh, Mandy... ♪ 7 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:27,079 Well, well, well. Mandy Carter. Wonderful to see you again. 8 00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:28,919 So you did get my invitation? 9 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:32,799 Invitation? It's hardly a cheese and fucking wine evening, is it? 10 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,039 It's not what I call an invitation! 11 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:37,319 There's no RSV-fucking-P. 12 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:40,759 It's a brown envelope with the words "Important, do not throw away" on it 13 00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:43,079 and a letter that says I have to attend an interview 14 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,839 or my benefits might be affected, in big black letters! 15 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:48,999 Not exactly an invite to the Governor's fucking Ball, is it?! 16 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:51,359 But yet here I am. 17 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:55,159 Have I missed the vol-au-vents, or is the butler bringing those round? 18 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:58,679 OK, Mandy, as you know, I have a statutory duty 19 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:01,239 to check on the status of long-term benefits claimants 20 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:03,159 to see if there's something that is preventing them 21 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:06,119 from achieving success in the national job marketplace. 22 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:08,519 -Or whether they're just taking the mickey. -And... No. 23 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:12,199 And whether we need to devise a get-back-to-work plan for them. 24 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:15,399 Yeah, yeah, I've got a get-back-to-work plan for YOU! 25 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:17,159 Why don't YOU get back to work 26 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,599 instead of calling me in here every week and making me 27 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:22,279 -Miss Bridge Of Lies with Ross Kemp? -I don't know what that is. 28 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:25,200 I just don't see why we have to keep up this fiasco. 29 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,320 Unless... 30 00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:33,560 -What? -Unless you like me coming in here. 31 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:38,239 -Oh, God. - Is that it? -No. - No? - No. 32 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:41,239 Do you think you might stand a chance with little old Mandy Carter, 33 00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:44,919 -yeah, is that it? -No, Mandy, that's... That's not a thing. 34 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,600 -Isn't it? -No. 35 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:49,280 Isn't it? 36 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:53,559 -No. -Sometimes it's like I can feel those little beady eyes 37 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:55,600 of yours burning into me... 38 00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:59,279 ...mentally undressing me. 39 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:01,479 -You're doing it now. -No. I'm not. 40 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:04,439 And that's a very serious accusation, actually, Mandy. 41 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:06,999 And it's legally incumbent upon me to ask whether or not 42 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:10,439 -you'd like to register a formal complaint. -Nah. 43 00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:12,719 I mean, you're only human, aren't you? 44 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,479 And I can't be bothered with all the forms. 45 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:17,239 But it all goes in up 'ere, for when the time is right 46 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:20,159 and BBC News want to get out of the house and investigate some perverts 47 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:22,719 who don't work in the building. 48 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,559 Come on, then, let's get this over with. 49 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:29,919 Right. OK, well, looking at your recent employment history, Mandy... 50 00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:32,279 I mean, what happened with the waitressing job? 51 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:33,559 That was an up-market restaurant. 52 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:35,799 I had to pull a lot of strings to get you that. 53 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,719 And you lasted all of... 23 minutes. 54 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:41,319 Apparently there was an incident with a bottle of champagne. 55 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:42,880 CORK POPS 56 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:42,880 Agh! 57 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:51,639 I've only ever seen champagne in the Formula 1. 58 00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:54,559 -I thought that was how you served it. -One man lost an eye. 59 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:56,159 I mean, this is serious, Mandy. 60 00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:58,359 Not to mention the dry-cleaning bill 61 00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:00,439 had to be paid for out of your earnings, 62 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:03,719 meaning that, incredibly, you actually have less money now 63 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:06,439 than when you started the job. I mean, what's it going to take 64 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:09,080 for you to find something that you can actually stick with? 65 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:13,439 Can you drive? 66 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:16,679 -Why? -Why? Because it would increase the amount of jobs 67 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,519 -you can apply for, wouldn't it? -Oh... 68 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:22,759 -So can you drive? -Oh, um... a bit. 69 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:25,759 -What does that mean? -Well, I've had a few lessons a few years back, 70 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:28,879 but my instructors were all absolute tools, the lot of them. 71 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:31,679 -But you did have some lessons? -Yeah. 200 or 300. 72 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:33,959 -200 or 300? -Yeah. 73 00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:36,479 Not one of life's natural drivers. 74 00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:38,999 -Right. OK. So, do you have a licence? -No. 75 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,039 Right. Well, that rules out a lot of jobs, then, doesn't it? 76 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:43,679 -Well, like what? -Like... Like... Think about it. 77 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,439 Like a delivery driver. Like taxi driver. 78 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:48,519 Driver. Mobile library. 79 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:50,759 -There's an ice-cream van job going. -Ice cream? 80 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:53,839 Why didn't you just say that straight off? I'll get my licence. 81 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:58,279 Oh, OK. Good. There's a really good place I can recommend, local. 82 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,999 They can get anyone passed within three weeks, they claim. 83 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,999 -Three weeks? -Yeah. -That job might be gone by then. 84 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:06,759 -It probably will. -Oh! 85 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:08,040 Leave it with me. 86 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,559 SHOP BELL JANGLES 87 00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:19,919 Mandy? What are you doing? We don't want books in here. 88 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,719 They are totally at odds with the happy-go-lucky vibe 89 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:24,879 -I'm trying to create. -Been to the library. 90 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:27,639 Got out all the books they had on how to pass your driving test. 91 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:29,919 Highway Code, How To Pass Your Driving Test, 92 00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:32,079 Driving Test For Dummies, Driving Miss Daisy, 93 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:34,119 Confessions Of A Driving Instructor. 94 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:36,119 You are really going to learn to drive? 95 00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:39,079 Complete idiots do it. How hard can it be? 96 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:41,119 What is that on your arm? Tattoos? 97 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:44,159 Oh, no. It's, uh, braking distances. I've got my theory later. 98 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:45,999 Good luck, Mandy! 99 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:49,120 -Would you like me to test you on road signs? -No need. 100 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:52,519 Got 'em all up my legs. 101 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:54,879 Could do with a lift to the test centre, though. 102 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:56,960 Could be the last lift you ever have to give me. 103 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:05,759 -Name? -Mandy Carter. 104 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:09,319 -Is there anywhere I can get a cuppa soup while I wait? -I'm afraid not. 105 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:11,679 -Have you got anything to put in a locker? -Locker? 106 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:13,599 Why do I need a locker? I'm here for a test, 107 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:14,799 not 20 lengths of breast stroke. 108 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:16,759 You have to put your things into a locker 109 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:19,039 just to make sure you can't cheat. 110 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:22,719 -I've got nothing. -OK, well, great. Then you just need to be checked. 111 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:25,919 -Checked? - Let me have a little look at your ears, please. -Ears? Why? 112 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:31,159 Some people try to put earpieces in so that a friend can help them. 113 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:32,679 -Dirty cheats. -Yes. 114 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,839 Yeah, people like that should be banned from the roads. 115 00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:37,560 Ears. 116 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:43,239 Now just roll up your sleeves and trousers, please. 117 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:44,919 SHE GULPS 118 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:47,079 Sleeves and... Why? 119 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,719 You're not going to believe this, but some people actually 120 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:52,279 try and write the answers up their arms and legs. 121 00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:55,360 ALL LAUGH 122 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,799 Uh-oh, Mandy! 123 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:05,279 -How are you feeling? -Not too great, actually. 124 00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:08,119 -Think I better go home. -Oh, God, that's a crying shame. 125 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:10,919 -You're going to have to get booked in for another time. -Yeah. 126 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:13,919 OK, well, no rush. You just leave whenever you're feeling better. 127 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:15,439 I'm going to head back to reception. 128 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:18,119 Oh, hang on. Um, cos I just wanted to ask, 129 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:23,959 um... how long does the test... actually... take? 130 00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:26,239 Really good question. It's about an hour. 131 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:29,720 -About an hour? - Mm. -Right. So, what, that's, like, 60... 132 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:32,959 -...minutes... - Yeah. -..then? - Yeah. 133 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:36,920 -Yeah, it's about that. -Yeah, all right, thanks for the tea, bye. 134 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:41,679 Congratulations, Mandy. I'm pleased to say you passed your theory. 135 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:44,199 That's good, cos I've already put in for my main test. 136 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:48,160 -It's tomorrow. Hope the examiner's not too pernickety. -Uh-huh. 137 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:55,440 -Mandy Carter, ready for your test? -Yeah. -Follow me, please. 138 00:06:57,880 --> 00:06:59,879 Well, you passed the eyesight test. 139 00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:04,159 Yeah, seeing's no problem. Got these big eyes like boiled eggs. 140 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:07,120 Please pull away when it is safe to do so. 141 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:12,919 What are you writing? 142 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:16,079 When you went to pull away, you didn't look all the way around. 143 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:17,879 I did. 144 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:21,160 -Not all the way. -I'm not a fucking owl, am I? 145 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:25,039 -What are you writing now? -None of your business. 146 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:27,759 Well, it is my fucking business. 147 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:30,839 "Very rude"?! You're very fucking rude! 148 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:32,719 That's it! I'm terminating the test! 149 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:37,239 Oh, no, please! Please! I'm sorry, I overreacted. I'm sorry. I'm... 150 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:40,239 I'm, uh... perimenopausal 151 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:42,200 and I've got ADHD. 152 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:47,799 OK, I understand. I'll give you one last chance. 153 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:52,640 Let's start again. Please pull away when it is safe to do so. 154 00:07:54,000 --> 00:08:00,074 Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE www.osdb.link/lm 155 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,919 On to the first section of the test. 156 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:16,679 Let's try an emergency stop when I... 157 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:18,519 Oh! 158 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:20,959 -Not yet! -You said "emergency stop"! 159 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:24,039 Not yet. When I bang my clipboard on the dashboard. 160 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,480 Well, you did bang your clipboard on the dashboard! 161 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:31,000 Please pull away when it is safe to do so. 162 00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:38,160 And we're off. 163 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,239 I'd forgotten how much fun driving can be. 164 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:43,839 Is this a 50mph zone? 165 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:46,239 20, Miss Carter. Slow down. 166 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:47,639 TYRES SQUEAL 167 00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:50,959 What is wrong with you? I said you need to go much slower. 168 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:52,880 All right, keep your hair on! 169 00:08:56,440 --> 00:09:00,079 -Oh! You're an idiot! -How fucking dare you?! 170 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,399 I told you, you need too slow down. 171 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:05,399 All right! I mixed up the brake with the accelerator! 172 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:08,559 I beg your fucking pardon! It's my first test! 173 00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:11,119 I'm not Nigel Mansell or the fucking Stig, am I?! 174 00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:12,639 Keep your eyes on the road! 175 00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:15,640 -What are you doing? -You were drifting! -I'll drift you! 176 00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:19,119 Turn those off! 177 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:20,239 MUSIC PLAYS 178 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:23,119 -That's the radio. -Yeah, well, I can see that now, can't I? 179 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:26,079 -Keep your eyes on the road! -Don't you fucking touch me! 180 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:28,479 -You are going to kill us! -Get off! 181 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:31,320 Stop the car! Stop the car! 182 00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:36,040 Right. Get out! I'll drive from here. 183 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:40,839 Good riddance. 184 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:44,239 Ah...! Stop! My coat! 185 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:45,559 SHE YELLS 186 00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:49,399 MUSIC DROWNS OUT YELLING 187 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:51,559 Help! Somebody! 188 00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:53,199 SHE YELLS 189 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:57,679 MUSIC DROWNS OUT YELLING 190 00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:00,800 Please, please, please, please, I'm begging you! 191 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:08,919 MUSIC OFF 192 00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:11,399 Oh, fucking hell. What's happened to you? 193 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:15,159 -You look awful. -You tried to kill me. 194 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:17,880 Sorry about that. Let's start again. 195 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:24,519 You're getting blood on the seat. 196 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:27,159 I think there's some wet wipes in there. 197 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,519 You are a lunatic! 198 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:30,479 Argh! Get off! 199 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:32,160 Get off! 200 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:37,079 You fucking idiot! Get back! 201 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:38,800 SHE SCREAMS 202 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:45,319 Get back! 203 00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:46,640 I can't breathe! 204 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,159 Get off! 205 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:51,319 Oh! 206 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,039 CAR ALARM WAILS 207 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:56,040 Is that the end of the test? Have I passed? 208 00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:03,239 I never want to see you ever again. 209 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:06,720 So... congratulations, Mandy Carter! 210 00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:09,359 Yes! 211 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:12,360 MUSICAL JINGLE PLAYS 212 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,999 Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? 213 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,920 Oh, fuck me. What now? 214 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:38,319 Oh! What? 215 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:40,799 -Can I have a 99? -Please! 216 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,960 -Can I have a 99, please? -That's better. 217 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:49,320 Oh... 218 00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:54,599 Run out of ice cream. Do you still want the flake? 219 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,360 Yes, please. 220 00:11:57,680 --> 00:11:59,959 Run out of flakes. Do you still want the cone? 221 00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:02,719 -Yes, please. -There you go. 222 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,080 There's no ice cream in this. 223 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,400 That's £1.50, please. 224 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:20,520 MUSICAL JINGLE PLAYS 224 00:12:21,305 --> 00:13:21,571 Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE www.osdb.link/lm