"Mandy" Seed

1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,039 ♪ Oh, Mandy 2 00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:07,879 ♪ Well, you came and you gave without taking 3 00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:10,039 ♪ But I sent you away 4 00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:12,359 ♪ Oh, Mandy 5 00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:17,239 ♪ Well, you kissed me and stopped me from shaking 6 00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:19,319 ♪ And I need you today 7 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,480 ♪ Oh, Mandy... ♪ 8 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:28,720 -You wanted to see me? -Take a seat, Mandy. 9 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:37,599 Mandy, how long have you been working at the call centre now? 10 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:39,199 Oh, quite a while now. 11 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:40,239 About three hours? 12 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,599 Three-and-a half maybe, if you don't count lunch? 13 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:44,959 Look, is this about me getting into a fight with my supervisor? 14 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:46,119 Because he started it. 15 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:48,439 Said I wasn't allowed to smoke if I'm on the phone. 16 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:51,159 But I can't think of anything to say if I'm not smoking. 17 00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:52,639 It's nothing to do with that. 18 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:54,879 Mandy, do you know what message always plays 19 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:56,799 just before a call is answered? 20 00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:58,759 Er, "Your call is important to us", 21 00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:02,519 "but we're experiencing unexpectedly high call volumes, 22 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:04,479 "so please visit the website instead, 23 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:06,759 "because we don't want to hire any more staff"? 24 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:07,879 No, after that. 25 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:10,399 "Calls may be recorded for training purposes." 26 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,759 Oh, yeah, but, I mean, you don't actually do that. 27 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:15,239 I mean, who'd want to listen back to all those calls? 28 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:16,280 I do. 29 00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:19,479 You record it on cassettes still? 30 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,599 It's much better audio quality than digital. 31 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:23,719 And once I've listened, I can use it to make 32 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:25,519 a mix tape for a friend. 33 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:29,119 This is you at 10.15am today. 34 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:32,199 ON TAPE: - But it's been six weeks now, can't I just get a refund? 35 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:33,879 You can take your fucking refund, 36 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:36,199 shove it up your shit pipe, mate. 37 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:38,439 He was chancing his arm! Scammer. 38 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:40,279 I was saving the company money. 39 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:42,840 This is you at 10.55am. 40 00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:48,279 No. No, you can't talk to my manager, you fucking bell end. 41 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,919 11.10am. 42 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:53,559 You shit-for-brains wanker. 43 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:55,799 Knob off, you dick. 44 00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:58,200 Refund? Get fucked! 45 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:01,480 Oh, I'm not listening to this, you knobhead. 46 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:05,639 You're a fucking moron, mate. 47 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:07,519 Go on, off you piss. 48 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:09,119 TAPE RECORDER CLICKS OFF 49 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:11,119 What have you got to say for yourself Mandy? 50 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:14,479 Well, firstly, can I say that I'm very touched 51 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:17,199 and extremely honoured that you've chosen tapes of me 52 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:18,599 to use for training others. 53 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:21,159 It's probably the first time in my life I've been used as 54 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,039 some sort of educational role model. 55 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:27,239 Also, do I get some sort of bonus for providing these training tapes? 56 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:30,279 These are going to be used for training purposes, Mandy. 57 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,399 For training people what NOT to say. 58 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:34,919 -Eh?! -Mandy, you're fired. 59 00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:36,599 Effective immediately. 60 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:39,719 I'm going to need your badge and your gun. 61 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:42,359 Sorry, I-I mean, I'm going to need your headset and your key fob 62 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:43,759 to the gender-neutral toilets. 63 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:45,959 Aren't you meant to give me two weeks' notice or something? 64 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:49,119 Oh, no, Mandy. No, you've brought the call centre into disrepute, 65 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:52,359 so I can fire you immediately without notice, or payment, 66 00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:55,039 or HR sticking their nervous little beaks in. 67 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:58,359 I'd ring up and complain, but I know I'd never get through! 68 00:02:58,360 --> 00:02:59,800 Goodbye, Mandy. 69 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,759 Not paying me? 70 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:07,280 All right. I'm takin' this, then. 71 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:15,074 Do you want subtitles for any video? -=[ ai.OpenSubtitles.com ]=- 72 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:25,279 COMPUTER CHIMES 73 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,759 Windows 95. 74 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:29,120 That's exciting. 75 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:37,120 Come on. Why's it not doing anything? 76 00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:45,399 SHOP BELL JANGLES 77 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:47,879 Mandy! What are you doing here? 78 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:50,239 -Shouldn't you be at the call centre? -Got let go. 79 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:52,439 They have to make hard choices in the ever-worsening 80 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:53,919 global economic situation. 81 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:56,639 They always start with the little people, don't they? 82 00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:58,799 Did they give you any sort of pay-out? 83 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:00,279 No. I got a computer out of it. 84 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:02,359 But it just sits there, not doing anything. 85 00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:03,759 I mean, I can do that myself. 86 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:05,879 Have you connected it to the internet? 87 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:07,999 -The what? -The internet. 88 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,559 The information super motorway? 89 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:13,359 The W-W-W-W-W-dot? 90 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:15,799 The wide, wide world web? 91 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,519 With it, you can do all sorts of things with a computer. 92 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:21,879 You can watch old TV clips, rate plumbers, 93 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:24,039 say if people are hot or not. 94 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:25,759 Ha! The world is your Oyster card. 95 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:27,239 How do I do that? 96 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:28,599 You need to get band-broad. 97 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:30,479 The faster, the better. 98 00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:31,919 Sounds complicated. 99 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:33,439 Other people seem to manage it. 100 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,439 You just call the band-broad people. 101 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:36,719 All right. I'll see what I can do. 102 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:39,479 -I'm off now, Lola. See you later. -Thank you, my dear. 103 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,520 BABY FUSSES 104 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,519 -God bless you. -Thank you. 105 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:44,039 -Eh-heh. -Who were that? -Suzy. 106 00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:46,999 I've rented the flat upstairs to her on Airbnb. 107 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:49,359 That's another thing you can do on the internet. 108 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,039 Poor girl and her new baby. 109 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,839 Nowhere else would take her. 110 00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:55,959 So, now I can charge her a fortune for her rent. 111 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,759 Can you believe it, Mandy? 112 00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:00,719 I have reinvented myself into a mum landlord! 113 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:02,999 Don't you need certificates to rent a place out? 114 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,199 Get all your electrics checked by the council, or summat? 115 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:07,879 No, you don't need to bother with anything like that. 116 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:09,279 Not on the internet. 117 00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:11,199 There are no rules on the net. 118 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:13,799 I've just kitted out the place out with a few things 119 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:15,039 that I bought from eBay. 120 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:16,639 Very cheap. 121 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:19,159 I'm sure they're all in very good condition. 122 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:20,199 SHE CHUCKLES 123 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,559 ELECTRICAL SPARKING 124 00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:25,720 HOLD MUZAK PLAYS OVER PHONE 125 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:29,399 Hello? How can I help? 126 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:30,479 Erm, hello. 127 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:34,559 -Er, I'd like to sign up for your band-broad, please. -OK. 128 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,759 Let me just see if there are any packages available in your area. 129 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:39,999 If you could give me your postcode, and then... 130 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,159 Hang, on is that you from the call centre? 131 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:44,399 Is... Is that Mandy Carter? 132 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:47,439 -Oh! I'm not dealing with that prick. -Not dealing with that fucking idiot. 133 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:49,599 SHE SIGHS 134 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,039 See what I can do. 135 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,039 The Smiths? 136 00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:55,320 That's them from next door. 137 00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:58,360 Let's put my old password in. 138 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:01,280 "Password." 139 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:06,919 All right, let's try "password"... 140 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:08,800 ...but the O is a zero. 141 00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:12,799 Oh, fuck me! They are crafty. 142 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,279 What they trying to hide? 143 00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:18,280 DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE 144 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:23,439 Excuse me? Mr Smith? 145 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:25,359 What's the name of your dog? 146 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:27,560 -Bobby! -Thank you. 147 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:36,599 B-O-B-B-Y. 148 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:39,439 Oh, fuck me! They are devious. 149 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,839 What about "Bobby"... 150 00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:46,239 ...but, again, the O is a zero? 151 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,919 Yes! We're in! 152 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:52,040 Now, to take a drive down the information hyper-subway. 153 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:55,359 Bonanza. 154 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:58,239 BONANZA THEME PLAYS 155 00:06:58,240 --> 00:06:59,679 Yes... 156 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,799 He's generating speed with his back legs, 157 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:03,040 and his balance is good! 158 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:08,119 You're not getting any younger, are you? 159 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,599 Kim and Khloe take India. 160 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:13,799 Was I meant to be a princess, or what?! 161 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,880 Pavements remain very dangerous. 162 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:19,879 It's a glimpse into the centre of the Earth. 163 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:21,760 Realising it's not worth the risk... 164 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:25,679 But behind the public facade of Royal duty 165 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:29,319 was a hidden secret life of marital betrayal. 166 00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:31,319 What do all these people have in common? 167 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:34,919 Well, all of them hide a dark and cold secret 168 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:37,320 just beneath their artificial skin. 169 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:44,720 Four teenagers and a 12-year-old... 170 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:51,759 I don't know what I'm seeing here, but it's just insane. 171 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:53,240 Covid-19 strain... 172 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,199 - Get the - BLEEP - outta here! - I will go! 173 00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,119 She's a human! 174 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:01,799 Is it any wonder people are afraid of technology? 175 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:05,280 VOICES OVERLAP 176 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:10,679 Only Kim K can make construction materials look cool... 177 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:12,399 VOICES STOP 178 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:13,999 SHE SOBS 179 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,839 SHOP BELL JANGLES 180 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:18,119 Mandy! Are you OK? 181 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:19,879 You look very pale. 182 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:22,159 Went down a wormhole last night, Lola. 183 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:24,319 You're thin, Mandy, but I didn't think you could fit 184 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:27,159 -down a worm's hole. -An internet wormhole! 185 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,359 I spent all night on social media, 186 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,799 comparing myself to Kim Kardashians. 187 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:34,239 Now I feel worthless about my body image. 188 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:35,719 I blame the internet. 189 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:37,479 I now have very low self-esteem. 190 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:39,879 I didn't even know what self-esteem was until yesterday - 191 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:40,999 I had to Google it. 192 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,839 You can't go comparing yourself to Kim Kardashian, Mandy. 193 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:45,119 It doesn't make sense. 194 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:46,639 You'll never be as good as her. 195 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:49,199 No. No, I'll never be as good as her, 196 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:52,439 with her dream life all built on hard work and talent. 197 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:54,599 But I can try and look more like her. 198 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,599 I'm going to get plastic surgery, Lole. 199 00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:59,879 It's the only thing that might make me feel any better. 200 00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:01,479 I'm going to get bum implants. 201 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,439 Implants?! Ah! 202 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:05,519 They can be very expensive, Mandy. 203 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:07,719 Especially if you get both bum cheeks done. 204 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:10,359 Well, I won't walk around with one fat cheek and one thin one, am I? 205 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:12,239 What'll that do for me low self-esteem? 206 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:15,239 A good implant can cost £20,000. 207 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:17,399 Even I would charge 10,000. 208 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:19,119 And that is mate's rates. 209 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:20,879 And cutting corners. 210 00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:22,480 There must be a cheaper way. 211 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:49,759 Er, 'scuse me? 212 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:54,199 -I-Is this 117 B-Back... -Yes, that's it. 213 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:55,799 So, do you want shish or doner? 214 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,679 Or we have very nice chicken? Very nice. 215 00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,039 Oh, no, I'm not here to eat. 216 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:01,279 I thought this was a plastic surgery clinic? 217 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:02,879 I'm here for bum implants. 218 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:04,359 -Yes! You must be Mandy. -Yeah. 219 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,079 Ah, yes, we have been expecting you. 220 00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:09,079 -Let me give these a quick clean before the procedure, OK? -Yeah. 221 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:11,799 Come through. Come, Mandy, come, come, come. 222 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:13,839 HE CLEARS HIS THROAT HE COUGHS 223 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:15,200 COUGH ECHOES 224 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:19,520 Oh! Hold on. 225 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:24,120 -Help? -No. -OK. 226 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:26,800 This way. 227 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,919 So... how big you want bum? 228 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:33,559 The bigger, the better, really. 229 00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:36,639 Erm, at least as big as Kim Kardashian's, if not bigger. 230 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:37,919 -You like Kim Kardash? -Yeah. 231 00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:39,879 You know she has all her work done here? 232 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:42,039 -Really? Kim came here? -Yes! 233 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:44,480 We have her photo here, look. Look, look. 234 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,479 -What else did she have done? -Everything. 235 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,439 She had everything done. 236 00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:56,359 Her tits, bum, er, teeth, lips, everything. 237 00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:58,439 Maybe I'll get me lips done, as well. 238 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,999 We do the bum first, then I'll throw in the lips. OK? 239 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:02,759 -Done. -Any garlic sauce with that? 240 00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:04,559 -What? -Ah, sorry. 241 00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:06,279 -Habit. -Oh. -OK. 242 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:08,239 Sit down. OK? 243 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,079 Lie back. 244 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:11,279 Relax. 245 00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:13,839 You are in the hands of a professional. 246 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,480 -The other... -Oh, yeah. 247 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:18,799 This is the bum. 248 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:20,719 MUSIC: Milkshake by Kelis 249 00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:22,959 ♪ My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard 250 00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:25,079 ♪ And they're like, it's better than yours 251 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:27,159 ♪ Damn right, it's better than yours 252 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:29,239 ♪ I could teach you but I'd have to charge 253 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:31,479 ♪ My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard 254 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:33,599 ♪ And they're like, it's better than yours 255 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:35,639 ♪ Damn right, it's better than yours 256 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,719 ♪ I could teach you but I'd have to charge 257 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:39,759 ♪ I know you want it 258 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:42,200 ♪ The thing that makes me 259 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:47,160 ♪ What the guys go crazy for... ♪ 260 00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:49,959 SHOP BELL JANGLES 261 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,399 Mandy! You are back! 262 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:54,199 How was Istanbul? 263 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:57,119 It is filled with history there, isn't it? 264 00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:59,719 -So romantic. -Romantic? 265 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,399 It were mainly men spitting. 266 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,599 But the good news is, I got me arse done. 267 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:05,119 What do you think? 268 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:07,199 Take that, Kim Kardashian! 269 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:08,879 Got me lips done, too. 270 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:11,919 Two-for-one - get one lip done, get the other lip free. 271 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:14,599 Er... It looks a little bit sore. 272 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:17,319 Said they'd settle down after a couple of months. 273 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,799 Well, let me take a closer look at this famous bum. 274 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:23,559 Whoa! It is big. 275 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:25,080 Very big! 276 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,159 Is it getting bigger? 277 00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:30,239 No! This is as big as they said it could be, 278 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,879 otherwise it'd rupture and I'd never be able to sit down again. 279 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:34,999 Imagine having to spend your whole life standing up. 280 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,919 It'd be like being a Beefeater, or summat. 281 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:38,839 No, it's definitely getting bigger. 282 00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:40,839 The bigger, the better, eh, Lole? 283 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,159 Er, I don't think that is true, Mandy. 284 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:44,559 Look, go and lay down. 285 00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:46,400 I want to inspect your bum implants. 286 00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:50,879 Ah. Mandy? 287 00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:53,879 What did they use in the implant? Silicone or saline? 288 00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:55,439 Oh, nothing like that. 289 00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:56,999 -What, then? -Fat. 290 00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,439 -What?! -Lamb fat, from the kebab meat. 291 00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:01,559 They keep a load of it in old ice-cream tubs. 292 00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:03,599 That is not very hygienic, Mandy! 293 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,839 It's like something out of Gordon Ramsay's Nightmare Kitchens. 294 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:09,399 I said no at first, cos I'm trying to be vegetarian, 295 00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:11,919 but they said it wasn't like I was eating the stuff, 296 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:14,759 and that it was natural - unlike these man-made implants. 297 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:18,959 Mandy, there is definitely something wrong with your bum. 298 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:20,959 I think there's an infection. 299 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:23,319 But what I can do for you, Mandy, for a small fee, 300 00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,799 because we are best friends, is to drain the abscess with 301 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:29,719 a hot needle and take away the infection. 302 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:31,119 Get the pus out. 303 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:34,239 -Would you like me to do that for you, Mandy? -Yes, please, Lola! 304 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:35,439 OK. 305 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:38,600 Let me just go and get one of the needles I use for the ear-piercing. 306 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:48,119 This might hurt a little bit. 307 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:49,519 MUFFLED SCREAM 308 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,079 Ah. I haven't done it yet! 309 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,199 That wasn't me! 310 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,799 - MUFFLED: - Help! 311 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,159 It's coming from outside! 312 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:56,559 Fire! 313 00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:58,959 Help! Fire! 314 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,159 -What happened?! -The lamp caught on fire! 315 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:02,879 The smoke-detector didn't go off! 316 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:05,559 -Smoke-detector? -What smoke-detector? -Please! 317 00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:07,200 Save my baby, please! 318 00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:07,199 BABY WAILS 319 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:08,719 I'm not a very good catch! 320 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,039 They used to call me Butterfingers at school! 321 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:13,439 -Which is a form of micro aggression. -Please! 322 00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:16,160 Don't worry! I know exactly what to do. 323 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:19,559 Suzy! 324 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:21,399 Throw your baby onto my arse! 325 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,159 It will have a very gentle landing. 326 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:25,239 It's stuffed with rancid lamb fat. 327 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,999 Do it, Suzy! 328 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,999 It might be your only hope! 329 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,599 Don't worry, I won't charge you for the damage in the flat. 330 00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:33,239 Do it! 331 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,239 Wait! 332 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:38,879 If we're going to do it, at least let us get it on camera. 333 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:42,239 We can monetize this any way it goes. 334 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,399 -Come on, Suzy! -Do it, Suzy! 335 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:45,680 Do it, Suzy! 336 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:48,160 -Do it! -Ah! 337 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:52,359 Ah! Got you! 338 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:54,079 Well done, Mandy! 339 00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:55,799 Although it's disgusting, 340 00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:57,799 your bum has saved a little girl's life. 341 00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:00,239 And that's done wonders for my self-esteem! 342 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,679 And look! The video has already gone viral! 343 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:05,159 I've broken the internet! I'm bigger than Kim! 344 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:06,399 -Me next! -No! 345 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:07,439 Agh! 346 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,519 ♪ Look at that booty Show me the booty 347 00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:11,359 ♪ Gimme the booty, I want the booty 348 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,119 ♪ Back up the booty I need the booty 349 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,479 ♪ I like the booty Oh, what a booty 350 00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:17,319 ♪ Shakin' that booty I saw the booty 351 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:19,159 ♪ I want the booty Lord, what a booty 352 00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:21,599 ♪ Bring on the booty Give up the booty 353 00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:23,679 ♪ Lovin' the booty, round booty 354 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:25,519 ♪ Down for the booty I want the booty 355 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:27,799 ♪ Huntin' the booty Chasin' the booty 356 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:29,679 ♪ Casin' the booty Gettin' the booty 357 00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:31,879 ♪ Beautiful booty, smokin' booty 358 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:34,359 ♪ Talk to the booty, more booty 359 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:36,080 ♪ Fine booty... ♪ 359 00:15:37,305 --> 00:16:37,905