"The PJs" The Preacher's Life

1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000 #The Pjs - The Preacher's Life #DDDBBB, v1.0, 07/29/25, 23.976 FPS 2 00:00:00,560 --> 00:00:03,820 <i>♪ Once upon a time in the projects ♪</i> 3 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:06,420 <i>♪ PJ's! ♪</i> 4 00:00:06,721 --> 00:00:07,520 <i>♪ Projects! ♪</i> 5 00:00:07,540 --> 00:00:08,840 <i>♪ Low rent high rise, y'all! ♪</i> 6 00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:10,280 <i>♪ PJ's! ♪</i> 7 00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:12,400 <i>♪ Projects! ♪</i> 8 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:13,740 <i>♪ Living in the PJ's! ♪</i> 9 00:00:14,100 --> 00:00:18,561 <i>♪ Holding down the cardboard condo Homeboy and a homemade bungalow ♪</i> 10 00:00:18,585 --> 00:00:22,940 <i>♪ In the middle of the end of a dead-end one way street. ♪</i> 11 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:29,100 <i>♪ Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya Living in the PJ's! ♪</i> 12 00:00:30,740 --> 00:00:31,740 <i>♪ PJ's! ♪</i> 13 00:00:33,160 --> 00:00:34,160 <i>[ singing ]</i> 14 00:00:38,390 --> 00:00:39,910 Aw, nothing like a nice thick milk cheese. 15 00:00:43,010 --> 00:00:44,310 Mmm, damn that's good. 16 00:00:44,510 --> 00:00:45,670 Let's make it a fudge ripple. 17 00:00:45,930 --> 00:00:47,110 Here's the fudge... 18 00:00:47,670 --> 00:00:48,950 ...and here's the ripple. 19 00:00:52,370 --> 00:00:53,370 Aw, frat. 20 00:00:56,030 --> 00:00:59,610 What the ver-Oh no, is tonight your Bible study? 21 00:00:59,870 --> 00:01:01,310 Why me, God, why me? 22 00:01:01,570 --> 00:01:05,650 Instead of complaining about Bible study every week, why don't you join us? 23 00:01:05,690 --> 00:01:06,770 You might learn something. 24 00:01:07,090 --> 00:01:09,970 Muriel, I already know the whole Bible, both the New and Used Testament. 25 00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:11,890 Besides, I got my own Bible right here. 26 00:01:12,410 --> 00:01:14,070 Hey, it's the Ving Rhames version! 27 00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:17,410 Hey, Mrs. Stubbs! 28 00:01:18,210 --> 00:01:19,730 Oh, welcome, everybody! 29 00:01:20,170 --> 00:01:21,170 Come in! 30 00:01:21,430 --> 00:01:21,950 Boys! 31 00:01:22,330 --> 00:01:23,330 Tar Nelson. 32 00:01:23,690 --> 00:01:24,910 Mrs. Stubbs. 33 00:01:25,070 --> 00:01:25,830 Hi, Muriel. 34 00:01:25,910 --> 00:01:26,770 I made a cake. 35 00:01:26,930 --> 00:01:30,370 Oh, a sugar cake... ...with raisins. 36 00:01:31,050 --> 00:01:32,050 Raisins? 37 00:01:32,090 --> 00:01:33,650 Oh, right, right, right. 38 00:01:33,810 --> 00:01:34,810 Raisins! 39 00:01:35,010 --> 00:01:36,010 Don't eat it. 40 00:01:37,070 --> 00:01:39,910 Sister B.B., why don't you start us off with a reading? 41 00:01:40,410 --> 00:01:42,150 Mmm, all right, Sister Muriel. 42 00:01:45,570 --> 00:01:49,850 Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. 43 00:01:49,950 --> 00:01:50,950 Hallelujah! 44 00:01:51,510 --> 00:01:56,870 Blessed are the poor of spirit, for theirs... ...is the kingdom of heaven! 45 00:01:58,470 --> 00:01:59,130 Thurgood! 46 00:01:59,250 --> 00:02:00,250 Do you mind? 47 00:02:00,430 --> 00:02:04,450 Oh, sorry, Muriel, but Jack Lord is my Shepherd, and I shall not want to turn it down. 48 00:02:04,770 --> 00:02:13,190 Brother Super, the way I see it, you can join our group and thank Jesus in prayer, or you can interrupt us one more time and thank him in person. 49 00:02:13,730 --> 00:02:15,190 Spare me the beatitude, Mrs. Avery. 50 00:02:15,230 --> 00:02:18,250 Look, if you all want to talk to God, why can't you go do it at his house? 51 00:02:18,450 --> 00:02:22,950 We'd be happy to get out of your hair, but the electrical wiring at the church is shot. 52 00:02:22,951 --> 00:02:31,930 Now, if we could find some charitable soul to fix it, that same charitable soul could watch his Hawaii Five-0 marathon in peace. 53 00:02:32,310 --> 00:02:33,350 Screw the charitable soul! 54 00:02:33,610 --> 00:02:34,610 I'll do it! 55 00:02:39,590 --> 00:02:42,210 Well, I see we are small today. 56 00:02:42,650 --> 00:02:45,130 We are small, but we are mighty! 57 00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:46,290 Yes, sir! 58 00:02:46,770 --> 00:02:47,830 Praise the Lord! 59 00:02:48,310 --> 00:02:53,730 <i>[ singing ]</i> 60 00:02:54,390 --> 00:02:56,950 To the one who made this glorious day. 61 00:02:57,210 --> 00:02:58,210 <i>[Super] Ah!</i> 62 00:02:58,410 --> 00:02:59,730 Son of a bitch! 63 00:03:00,150 --> 00:03:02,450 ♪ By golly, why! ♪ 64 00:03:03,830 --> 00:03:11,410 Brothers and sisters, I'd like to thank the Lord for waking Brock up out of his coma on the Young and Restless. 65 00:03:11,770 --> 00:03:13,970 He was too very old to die. 66 00:03:14,450 --> 00:03:15,730 Praise God! 67 00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:17,030 God help me! 68 00:03:17,450 --> 00:03:20,670 Now, which wire is the live one? 69 00:03:21,090 --> 00:03:23,710 Eeny, meeny, mean Joe, greeny. 70 00:03:24,550 --> 00:03:25,570 There we go! 71 00:03:25,810 --> 00:03:27,830 Now, let there be light! 72 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:35,074 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 73 00:03:45,140 --> 00:03:45,700 Super! 74 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:46,300 Super! 75 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:47,600 Are you okay? 76 00:03:48,380 --> 00:03:50,020 Why is he smiling like that? 77 00:03:50,300 --> 00:03:52,080 It looks like he sees something. 78 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:53,660 I bet it's ham. 79 00:03:54,180 --> 00:03:56,500 I get that smile when I see ham. 80 00:04:09,810 --> 00:04:10,810 Thurgood? 81 00:04:10,970 --> 00:04:12,110 Where are you going? 82 00:04:12,610 --> 00:04:13,610 Thurgood! 83 00:04:15,530 --> 00:04:17,550 Very good, Blem-ba-dum-de-gab-al. 84 00:04:18,490 --> 00:04:22,970 Brothers and sisters, a homeless man has wandered in to give testimony. 85 00:04:23,410 --> 00:04:26,830 Let's offer him a hospitality and a nice hot bath. 86 00:04:27,370 --> 00:04:28,750 I'm not homeless, reverend. 87 00:04:29,330 --> 00:04:31,610 I'm the well-known sinner, Thurgood Stubbs. 88 00:04:31,990 --> 00:04:37,170 I was lost, but now I'm found, reverend. I was blind but now I see. 89 00:04:37,171 --> 00:04:38,590 Oh, that's beautiful, brother. 90 00:04:38,910 --> 00:04:40,850 Now the offer of the bath still stands. 91 00:04:41,290 --> 00:04:42,130 No, no, no! 92 00:04:42,210 --> 00:04:44,330 I must cleanse myself on the inside first. 93 00:04:44,610 --> 00:04:46,950 For I have strayed from the path of righteousness. 94 00:04:47,250 --> 00:04:50,270 I have broken at least a dozen of the Ten Commandments. 95 00:04:50,530 --> 00:04:54,490 But I stand before you to ask God's forgiveness for my trespasses. 96 00:04:54,690 --> 00:04:56,030 Oh, Thurgood! 97 00:04:56,490 --> 00:04:57,670 Oh, Muriel! 98 00:04:57,970 --> 00:04:59,910 God forgives you, my child! 99 00:05:00,130 --> 00:05:01,650 God forgives you! 100 00:05:01,651 --> 00:05:04,690 Truly we have seen God's power at work today! 101 00:05:04,990 --> 00:05:05,410 Amen! 102 00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:09,090 Thank you, Jesus! 103 00:05:09,630 --> 00:05:13,210 Now, let's get you to the baptismal waters, my son. 104 00:05:13,590 --> 00:05:14,590 So soon? 105 00:05:14,890 --> 00:05:18,190 Oh, your soul's not clean until it's zestfully clean! 106 00:05:20,170 --> 00:05:22,450 Hey, hey, I didn't know there was going to be any hazing. 107 00:05:22,570 --> 00:05:27,690 My son, do you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior? 108 00:05:31,710 --> 00:05:33,170 Hallelujah, hallelujah! 109 00:05:33,370 --> 00:05:33,830 I'm saved! 110 00:05:34,150 --> 00:05:35,150 I'm saved! 111 00:05:35,390 --> 00:05:35,730 Amen! 112 00:05:36,090 --> 00:05:37,090 Hallelujah! 113 00:05:38,150 --> 00:05:41,690 Uh, sorry, that's one of the seven silent but deadly sins. 114 00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:45,850 Oh, I'm so proud of my little baby Christian! 115 00:05:46,310 --> 00:05:51,130 From this point on, I will never ever sin again and never think a bad thought! 116 00:05:51,490 --> 00:05:52,490 Ha! 117 00:05:52,870 --> 00:05:56,290 Okay, from this point on, I will never think a bad thought! 118 00:05:56,650 --> 00:05:58,850 Now, now, Brother Thurgood. 119 00:05:58,851 --> 00:06:01,790 A new life in Christ can be a little overwhelming. 120 00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:04,530 Don't set the bar too high for yourself. ================================================= 121 00:06:04,850 --> 00:06:06,990 You've got to start with a baby step. 122 00:06:07,170 --> 00:06:07,690 Oh, I understand. 123 00:06:08,110 --> 00:06:09,610 Can that step be walking on water? 124 00:06:11,470 --> 00:06:12,470 Patience, Thurgood. 125 00:06:17,790 --> 00:06:19,230 Well, I finished the Bible. 126 00:06:19,530 --> 00:06:20,530 In one night? 127 00:06:20,790 --> 00:06:23,370 Well, like King James, I finished it on the throne, too. 128 00:06:23,610 --> 00:06:24,790 Are you coming to bed now? 129 00:06:25,090 --> 00:06:26,090 I gotta pray first. 130 00:06:26,190 --> 00:06:28,286 I wonder if you should wash your hands before you pray. 131 00:06:28,310 --> 00:06:28,750 Oh. 132 00:06:28,850 --> 00:06:29,850 Who's gonna know? 133 00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:32,130 Let me get down here and see my prayer. 134 00:06:32,830 --> 00:06:33,830 Okay. 135 00:06:34,330 --> 00:06:35,590 Who should I pray to first? 136 00:06:36,210 --> 00:06:36,870 The Father? 137 00:06:37,070 --> 00:06:38,270 No, no, no, the Son. 138 00:06:38,750 --> 00:06:40,030 No, the Holy Ghost! 139 00:06:40,570 --> 00:06:41,090 Wait a minute. 140 00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:42,830 Hey, Muriel, does God do three-way calling? 141 00:06:44,170 --> 00:06:47,050 Thurgood, why don't you just pray for God to give you peace? 142 00:06:47,510 --> 00:06:49,770 See if he can spare some for me, too. 143 00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:51,686 Muriel, I can't pray for other people, too. 144 00:06:51,710 --> 00:06:53,470 God sees right through selfishness like that. 145 00:06:53,990 --> 00:06:55,090 It's too noisy in here. 146 00:06:55,110 --> 00:06:56,110 I'm gonna go for a walk. 147 00:06:56,970 --> 00:06:58,270 Oh, thank God. 148 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:08,500 jugar Smokey! 149 00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:15,401 Um... Don't hit me Super. End the cycle of abuse now before I pass it on to the next generation. 150 00:07:15,460 --> 00:07:16,460 No, no, no, stay. 151 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:17,760 I want you to. 152 00:07:18,540 --> 00:07:19,881 Um... Really? 153 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:25,980 Ya... Sit and rejoice with me, Smokey, for I have tasted of the water of which when you drink it you are never thirsty again. 154 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:27,160 Are you crazy? 155 00:07:27,340 --> 00:07:28,996 You're supposed to cut that with something. 156 00:07:29,020 --> 00:07:30,980 We gotta get you to an Emergency Room. 157 00:07:31,260 --> 00:07:32,780 No, I'm talking about the Love of God. 158 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:35,160 Super, look at me. 159 00:07:35,780 --> 00:07:36,860 God doesn't love me. 160 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,480 And I don't blame him. 161 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:39,660 Look at my life. 162 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:46,780 Oh, the church tells us that God has a heart big enough to forgive any transgri- You're not gay, are you? 163 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:48,320 Eh, it doesn't matter. 164 00:07:48,460 --> 00:07:49,280 Smokey, listen to me. 165 00:07:49,420 --> 00:07:51,660 You are one of God's beautiful creatures. 166 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:53,080 I-I am? 167 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:55,040 Yes. 168 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,220 And you can change your life. 169 00:07:58,400 --> 00:07:59,400 Oh, Super! 170 00:07:59,500 --> 00:08:00,740 I want to change! 171 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:02,500 You can, if you just believe. 172 00:08:02,780 --> 00:08:03,600 Do you believe? 173 00:08:03,601 --> 00:08:04,880 I do! 174 00:08:05,220 --> 00:08:07,060 I do believe, Super! 175 00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:08,740 Then go forth and testify! 176 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:11,900 But Raul said he'd kill me if I testified. 177 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:18,260 Goody, where have you been? 178 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,340 I saved a soul tonight, Muriel. 179 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:23,240 I saw an animal in the distance. 180 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:25,120 I got closer and I saw it was a man. 181 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:28,040 I got closer still and saw t'was my brother. 182 00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:30,100 Why, Goody, that's beautiful. 183 00:08:31,020 --> 00:08:32,600 Muriel, let me ask you something. 184 00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:33,580 Do you know what it feels like 185 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:34,636 to work for God. 186 00:08:34,660 --> 00:08:36,540 Thurgood, I'm the church secretary. 187 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:39,700 I feel like I've been chosen, singled out. 188 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:43,338 But this time it was God behind the one-way mirror saying, 189 00:08:43,362 --> 00:08:46,860 that man number four, he's the one. The rest of you can go. 190 00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:48,720 Thurgood, what are you getting at? 191 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:52,500 Muriel, I've decided I'm gonna be... a preacher! 192 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:53,320 Oh, God! 193 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:54,120 You see? 194 00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:55,380 I'm reaching folks already. 195 00:09:07,730 --> 00:09:09,950 <i>♪ Well, the janitor has the key. ♪</i> 196 00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:12,390 <i>♪ Yes, the janitor has the key. ♪</i> 197 00:09:12,391 --> 00:09:17,530 <i>♪ Yes, the janitor has the key to the kingdom. ♪</i> 198 00:09:21,930 --> 00:09:22,970 Yes, Lord. 199 00:09:24,350 --> 00:09:25,390 Yes, hallelujah. 200 00:09:25,710 --> 00:09:26,710 Yes, Lord. 201 00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:28,130 Hallelujah. 202 00:09:28,490 --> 00:09:32,290 Now, I know that many of you lie awake at night with a hunger. 203 00:09:33,290 --> 00:09:34,010 Powerful hunger. 204 00:09:34,290 --> 00:09:35,550 We all have hunger. 205 00:09:35,730 --> 00:09:37,950 And that hunger is Jesus. 206 00:09:39,030 --> 00:09:41,890 So you get up out of bed and you put on your slippers. 207 00:09:41,891 --> 00:09:44,070 Those slippers are Jesus. 208 00:09:44,610 --> 00:09:46,090 Now you go to the refrigerator. 209 00:09:46,810 --> 00:09:48,850 The refrigerator is Jesus. 210 00:09:49,210 --> 00:09:53,710 And you open up the whole refrigerator and you see some meat covered with mold. 211 00:09:54,230 --> 00:09:54,750 Don't eat it. 212 00:09:54,870 --> 00:09:56,270 That mold's not Jesus. 213 00:09:56,470 --> 00:09:58,990 The leftover chicken, that's Jesus. 214 00:09:59,390 --> 00:09:59,970 Hallelujah. 215 00:10:00,370 --> 00:10:00,950 Hallelujah. 216 00:10:01,010 --> 00:10:01,290 Amen. 217 00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:03,510 The Lord all around you. 218 00:10:03,590 --> 00:10:06,690 Two bottles of beer on the wall, two bottles of beer. 219 00:10:06,870 --> 00:10:08,770 Take one down, pass it around. 220 00:10:09,070 --> 00:10:10,710 Cause it's Jesus. 221 00:10:11,310 --> 00:10:13,890 One bottle of beer on the wall, one bottle of beer. 222 00:10:14,010 --> 00:10:15,370 Take it down, pass it around. 223 00:10:15,650 --> 00:10:16,650 Cause it's Jesus. 224 00:10:16,730 --> 00:10:17,730 Can I get an amen? 225 00:10:18,370 --> 00:10:19,830 I said, can I get an amen? 226 00:10:20,890 --> 00:10:22,426 I know somebody better give me an amen. 227 00:10:22,450 --> 00:10:24,246 I don't want to whip somebody's ass up in here. 228 00:10:25,270 --> 00:10:26,270 Amen. 229 00:10:26,270 --> 00:10:27,470 You damn right, amen. 230 00:10:29,590 --> 00:10:30,910 Muriel, where is everybody? 231 00:10:32,250 --> 00:10:34,990 Thurgood, you gave a three-hour sermon. 232 00:10:35,370 --> 00:10:38,250 Haven't you ever heard the expression, leave them wanting more? 233 00:10:38,550 --> 00:10:39,550 Well, I thought I did. 234 00:10:39,890 --> 00:10:43,450 Hey, now look, I show God my love for him, and what does he do? 235 00:10:43,790 --> 00:10:45,630 He punketh me in front of my flock. 236 00:10:46,030 --> 00:10:47,870 You best watch what you saying, Thurgood. 237 00:10:48,110 --> 00:10:49,650 You've been electrocuted once. 238 00:10:49,810 --> 00:10:51,530 You trying for a thunderbolt. 239 00:10:51,830 --> 00:10:52,630 He wouldn't dare. 240 00:10:52,830 --> 00:10:54,986 Most people wouldn't even know about him if it wasn't for me. 241 00:10:55,010 --> 00:10:59,010 Thurgood Stubbs, you better check yourself before you wreck yourself. 242 00:10:59,870 --> 00:11:01,750 Pride goeth before a fall. 243 00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:05,810 What do you want from me, Lord? 244 00:11:06,450 --> 00:11:07,450 I've done all I can. 245 00:11:07,910 --> 00:11:10,330 I've preached, I've prayed, I've done good works. 246 00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:12,250 Well, I've run out of ways to do your will. 247 00:11:12,890 --> 00:11:14,030 Please tell me what to do. 248 00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:15,750 I put my life in your hands, Lord. 249 00:11:16,170 --> 00:11:17,250 Where would you have me go? 250 00:11:17,690 --> 00:11:18,870 What would you have me do? 251 00:11:19,410 --> 00:11:20,410 Jump, fool! 252 00:11:21,150 --> 00:11:22,150 Come again, Lord? 253 00:11:22,710 --> 00:11:23,710 Jump already! 254 00:11:24,550 --> 00:11:27,350 Well, Lord, if it be your will, so be it. 255 00:11:29,510 --> 00:11:30,510 I'll be jumping now. 256 00:11:31,390 --> 00:11:32,090 What's going on? 257 00:11:32,270 --> 00:11:33,650 That fool's gonna jump. 258 00:11:34,990 --> 00:11:36,470 Oh, Lord! 259 00:11:37,070 --> 00:11:42,070 Hallelujah! 260 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:54,360 Did you see him fall? 261 00:11:54,620 --> 00:11:54,980 No! 262 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:56,700 How is he still standing? 263 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:03,720 That's the revival preacher, Brother Stubbs! 264 00:12:03,980 --> 00:12:05,580 God saved his life! 265 00:12:05,980 --> 00:12:09,900 And this is the sheet he landed on. 266 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:12,360 The Shroud of Urine. 267 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:16,500 Boy, if he did stunts like that at his revival, I'd come every week. 268 00:12:17,220 --> 00:12:17,660 Really? 269 00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:20,340 Hey, mister, you sure know how to draw a crowd. 270 00:12:29,660 --> 00:12:30,900 Thurgood, listen to me. 271 00:12:31,060 --> 00:12:34,620 You don't need to do stunts to win people over to God. 272 00:12:35,060 --> 00:12:36,780 Muriel, God gave me a clear sign. 273 00:12:37,060 --> 00:12:39,741 The best way to lure people into listening to his loving message 274 00:12:39,765 --> 00:12:42,660 is to tease them with the possibility of witnessing a grisly death. 275 00:12:42,820 --> 00:12:44,580 I'm only taking the page from the Jesus book. 276 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:45,400 Thurgood! 277 00:12:45,401 --> 00:12:48,840 Jesus did not do any of the stupid things you're contemplating. 278 00:12:48,900 --> 00:12:54,460 He spoke plainly and simply and told the truth and people were drawn to his message. 279 00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:55,260 That's right. 280 00:12:55,580 --> 00:12:56,840 He had a gimmick. 281 00:12:56,940 --> 00:12:58,040 He was a showman. 282 00:12:58,140 --> 00:12:59,380 He knew how to work up a crowd. 283 00:12:59,540 --> 00:13:00,580 Just like me. 284 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:01,760 Oh, please. 285 00:13:01,940 --> 00:13:02,940 Muriel, don't you see? 286 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:06,300 The more exciting my preaching is, the more people I reach. 287 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:08,660 Ego, the more souls I save. 288 00:13:08,900 --> 00:13:11,420 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment with near death. 289 00:13:13,300 --> 00:13:14,760 Hello, projects! 290 00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:22,540 I am the Reverend Thurgood Stubbs, God's holy daredevil. 291 00:13:22,820 --> 00:13:30,600 That's right, I said God's holy daredevil because I dare the devil to stop me from doing God's holy work. 292 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:32,800 Hallelujah! 293 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:40,060 I will now risk my health and well-being by walking across the courtyard. 294 00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:44,040 Barefoot! 295 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,900 Behold my death-defying feet! 296 00:13:53,730 --> 00:13:54,730 Hallelujah! 297 00:13:56,250 --> 00:13:59,630 Now time to put some good old-fashioned pain back into religion. 298 00:14:05,790 --> 00:14:10,190 That was better than the Astro Tragedy last week. 299 00:14:10,330 --> 00:14:11,530 God bless you. 300 00:14:11,531 --> 00:14:11,690 God bless you. 301 00:14:12,150 --> 00:14:15,230 If I'm gonna get more people to follow me, I've gotta do the impossible. 302 00:14:19,170 --> 00:14:20,710 Hey, chocolate cheeks, wanna ride? 303 00:14:21,190 --> 00:14:22,190 Oh no. 304 00:14:22,290 --> 00:14:25,790 Don't tell me you're gonna jump that motorbike over a hundred buses or somethin'? 305 00:14:26,270 --> 00:14:27,030 Are you kiddin'? 306 00:14:27,031 --> 00:14:28,031 That'll be suicide! 307 00:14:28,250 --> 00:14:31,530 I'm gonna ride the cycle within the safe confines of the ball of Death. 308 00:14:33,170 --> 00:14:35,430 Oh, my sweet Lord! 309 00:14:36,850 --> 00:14:38,930 Okay, this has gone far enough. 310 00:14:39,190 --> 00:14:40,230 This isn't preaching. 311 00:14:40,231 --> 00:14:42,350 ...is some kind of sideshow. 312 00:14:42,490 --> 00:14:44,650 Muriel, before you condemn me, consider this. 313 00:14:45,070 --> 00:14:49,170 Didn't he who made the tiger and lamb also make the Christ-cycling ball of death? 314 00:14:49,490 --> 00:14:50,970 Thurgood, you're not listening. 315 00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:57,030 This whole preacher thing has become more and more about you, and less and less about Jesus Christ. 316 00:14:57,510 --> 00:15:01,550 Ah, but I myself have become more and more like Jesus Christ. 317 00:15:01,950 --> 00:15:03,670 I mean, look at all the parallel signs. 318 00:15:04,210 --> 00:15:05,470 He's the lamb of God. 319 00:15:05,750 --> 00:15:07,130 God, I like eating lamb. 320 00:15:07,131 --> 00:15:08,510 He has those twelve apostles. 321 00:15:08,750 --> 00:15:10,090 I had those twelve jurors. 322 00:15:10,170 --> 00:15:11,646 He hung out with a hooker named Mary. 323 00:15:11,670 --> 00:15:14,930 I hung out with a hooker named, uh... ...uh, anyway, he was a carpenter. 324 00:15:15,070 --> 00:15:16,070 I was a carpenter. 325 00:15:16,190 --> 00:15:19,170 Thurgood, are you honestly comparing yourself to Jesus? 326 00:15:19,490 --> 00:15:20,870 Oh, don't be stupid, Muriel. 327 00:15:20,990 --> 00:15:21,810 God let Jesus die. 328 00:15:22,010 --> 00:15:23,886 He ain't gonna fall asleep at the switch like that with me. 329 00:15:23,910 --> 00:15:26,090 I absolutely forbid you. 330 00:15:26,830 --> 00:15:28,186 Thurgood, you hear me talking to you? 331 00:15:28,210 --> 00:15:29,070 Get off of that bike! 332 00:15:29,090 --> 00:15:30,930 I need you to... <i>(Muriel yelling)</i> 333 00:15:31,310 --> 00:15:31,810 What's that? 334 00:15:32,210 --> 00:15:32,850 What's that, Muriel? 335 00:15:32,870 --> 00:15:33,190 Can't hear ya! 336 00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:34,850 Oh Thurgood! 337 00:15:34,870 --> 00:15:36,791 I forbid... ...Thurgood! 338 00:15:46,060 --> 00:15:51,000 Ladies and Gentlemen, put your hands together for the disciple 339 00:15:51,001 --> 00:16:00,060 of danger, the missionary of mayhem, the pastor of disaster, Brother Thurgood Orenthal Stubbs! 340 00:16:02,605 --> 00:16:12,605 <i>[ crowd cheering ]</i> 341 00:16:15,130 --> 00:16:18,130 God is love! 342 00:16:25,230 --> 00:16:28,790 Let's get ready to humble! 343 00:16:41,370 --> 00:16:43,470 That doesn't look so dangerous. 344 00:16:43,790 --> 00:16:46,070 Why do you think they call it the ball of death? 345 00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:59,300 Now we got a ball of death happening! 346 00:16:59,324 --> 00:17:03,324 Ahh! 347 00:17:22,650 --> 00:17:25,150 Jesus, stop this crazy thing! 348 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:52,460 Your father's gonna kill me. 349 00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:57,560 Thurgood! 350 00:17:57,820 --> 00:17:58,820 Are you alright? 351 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,180 Muriel ...... the blah blah glamour. 352 00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:02,960 Lord have mercy! 353 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:05,500 Our beautiful little house of worship ruined! 354 00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:08,060 Where am I supposed to play bingo now? 355 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:11,420 I ain't taking one of those filthy buses out to no Indian reservation! 356 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:13,560 Bebe and I had our wedding here. 357 00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:15,400 I had all my weddings here. 358 00:18:16,700 --> 00:18:18,280 I'm truly sorry about this. 359 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:21,420 I hope there's good Christians y'all finding in your hearts to forgive me. 360 00:18:21,820 --> 00:18:25,360 Hurry up and turn the other cheek so I can hit you on that one too! 361 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:26,800 I know I've wronged you. 362 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,720 And I must pay penance for my sins. 363 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:31,640 I have been struck down for my overreaching pride. 364 00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:32,920 I'm unclean. 365 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:33,860 I'm unholy. 366 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:37,480 I must punish myself until God tells me to stop! 367 00:18:39,060 --> 00:18:40,060 Damn, that hurt. 368 00:18:40,780 --> 00:18:42,700 Until God tells me to stop! 369 00:18:43,460 --> 00:18:44,400 Anytime, Lord. 370 00:18:44,460 --> 00:18:45,100 This don't tickle now. 371 00:18:45,260 --> 00:18:45,880 Come on now. 372 00:18:45,881 --> 00:18:46,881 Tell me to stop! 373 00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:50,260 Thurgood, I have had enough. 374 00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:53,060 Stop pretending you're doing this for God because you're not. 375 00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:54,280 You're doing it for yourself. 376 00:18:54,380 --> 00:18:57,420 It's all about you getting attention for your faith. 377 00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:00,880 That is so untrue, Muriel. 378 00:19:01,020 --> 00:19:03,180 I'm just trying to figure out what God wants me to do. 379 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:09,380 Thurgood, did it ever occur to you that what God wants is for you to just shut up? 380 00:19:10,860 --> 00:19:11,860 But... 381 00:19:14,630 --> 00:19:15,630 Stupid Muriel. 382 00:19:16,050 --> 00:19:17,410 Thinks I never listen to anything. 383 00:19:17,850 --> 00:19:19,506 Well, that's the last time I listen to her. 384 00:19:19,530 --> 00:19:20,230 I listen plenty. 385 00:19:20,510 --> 00:19:22,190 I'm listening to myself right now, ain't I? 386 00:19:24,150 --> 00:19:25,410 Oh, hey, Reverend Sampson. 387 00:19:26,250 --> 00:19:27,250 What you doing? 388 00:19:27,390 --> 00:19:28,390 Helping the homeless. 389 00:19:28,730 --> 00:19:31,730 Something I feel I understand a little more personally now. 390 00:19:32,830 --> 00:19:34,050 Oh, right, your church. 391 00:19:34,350 --> 00:19:37,950 Heya look, I'm sorry that God used me as a pawn to test your faith. 392 00:19:38,050 --> 00:19:39,446 But you ain't the only one that suffered. 393 00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:41,030 I lost my deposit on the ball to death. 394 00:19:41,650 --> 00:19:42,650 Yes. 395 00:19:42,710 --> 00:19:44,850 Well, if you'll excuse me, Brother Thurgood. 396 00:19:45,590 --> 00:19:46,606 Then what are you doing that for? 397 00:19:46,630 --> 00:19:47,090 Smokey's asleep. 398 00:19:47,450 --> 00:19:48,946 He doesn't even know you're helping him. 399 00:19:48,970 --> 00:19:50,370 Hey, Smokey, wake your ass up. 400 00:19:50,450 --> 00:19:51,506 There's some people being kind to you here. 401 00:19:51,530 --> 00:19:53,850 Oh, that's quite all right, Brother Thurgood. 402 00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:54,690 Oh, no problem. 403 00:19:54,730 --> 00:19:55,370 I do it all the time. 404 00:19:55,430 --> 00:19:57,286 Sometimes you just gotta haul off and hit them real good. 405 00:19:57,310 --> 00:19:58,986 Kick them good in the short ribs right here. 406 00:19:59,010 --> 00:19:59,470 Oh, no. 407 00:19:59,570 --> 00:20:00,570 Let him sleep. 408 00:20:01,470 --> 00:20:03,610 We don't do God's work to be thanked. 409 00:20:03,910 --> 00:20:05,550 Oh, I know, but it's the job's only perk. 410 00:20:06,090 --> 00:20:09,970 To seek praise for your good work takes away the honor of the deed. 411 00:20:10,490 --> 00:20:11,890 I love what I do. 412 00:20:12,050 --> 00:20:13,370 And that's reward enough. 413 00:20:14,110 --> 00:20:14,470 Oh. 414 00:20:14,471 --> 00:20:15,471 Hmm. 415 00:20:16,150 --> 00:20:18,410 Reverend Sampson, let me ask you a question. 416 00:20:18,710 --> 00:20:21,570 Suppose nobody came to church on Sunday, what would you do? 417 00:20:21,830 --> 00:20:24,110 Well, I'd probably preach my sermon anyway. 418 00:20:24,470 --> 00:20:25,470 But nobody'd hear it. 419 00:20:25,510 --> 00:20:27,550 Well, then I guess I'd just preach it to the angels. 420 00:20:51,330 --> 00:20:52,610 Please be seated. 421 00:20:53,070 --> 00:20:57,350 For today's sermon, I will be reading from the Gospel according to John. 422 00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:07,160 Brother Thurgood! 423 00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:10,840 I'm so glad you decided to join us this fine morning. 424 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:12,720 Do you have something you'd like to say? 425 00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:17,830 No, Reverend. 426 00:21:18,030 --> 00:21:20,670 Today I just came to listen. 427 00:21:21,050 --> 00:21:22,530 Thank you, Brother Thurgood. 428 00:21:22,950 --> 00:21:24,210 Silence is a virtue. 429 00:21:24,530 --> 00:21:27,490 Be still and know that I am God. 430 00:21:27,950 --> 00:21:28,950 Yes, sir! 431 00:21:29,070 --> 00:21:29,650 Hallelujah! 432 00:21:29,730 --> 00:21:30,730 Be still! 433 00:21:30,950 --> 00:21:34,350 You got to be still if you're going to hear the Word of God! 434 00:21:34,550 --> 00:21:35,130 Yes, sir! 435 00:21:35,370 --> 00:21:38,510 Brother Thurgood, be still means be quiet. 436 00:21:39,430 --> 00:21:40,630 Oh, yeah, right. 437 00:21:41,030 --> 00:21:42,030 Praise God. 438 00:21:43,771 --> 00:21:47,730 Today I want to talk to you about listening to the Word of God. 439 00:21:48,154 --> 00:21:50,654 We're born being able to hear... 440 00:21:50,678 --> 00:21:53,678 But we have to be taught to listen. 440 00:21:54,305 --> 00:22:54,604