"Austin" Episode #2.1

1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:02,440 You're trending. That's fantastic! 2 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:04,360 No, I think it's probably got something to do with the fact 3 00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:05,720 that you retweeted a white supremacist. 4 00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:08,760 I'm pretty sure that I'm your son. 5 00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:10,160 There's no way I could be your father. 6 00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:12,120 I mean, it was only a couple of times. 7 00:00:12,120 --> 00:00:14,960 So I wondered if you might be willing to take a DNA test. 8 00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:18,160 It's a card for Austin to come to London with us tomorrow. 9 00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:19,440 I'm going to Great Britain! 10 00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:22,120 I've got to pack. Where's my dinner jacket? Is it pressed? 11 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:23,240 "Game of Scones. 12 00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:24,560 "Doing Britain on the Spectrum. 13 00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:26,240 "A book by Austin Hogan." 14 00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:27,560 He's nothing like me. No. 15 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:29,520 Mind you, we haven't got the results of the DNA test yet, 16 00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:31,440 so no, he isn't my son after all. (LAUGHS) 17 00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:32,720 Different PR though, right? 18 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:35,280 I deeply regret what I said in the documentary. 19 00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:37,720 My statements did not reflect my true feelings. 20 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:39,920 Wasn't the documentary your path to redemption? 21 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:41,760 It doesn't matter because I'm changing career. 22 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:43,720 I'm going into publishing. 23 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:48,560 I have found a book that I quite like by an emerging writer. 24 00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:50,520 It's got a very refreshing and distinctive voice. 25 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:52,760 (PHONE CHIMES) 26 00:00:54,000 --> 00:01:00,074 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 27 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:08,640 (PHONE CHIMES) 28 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,760 Ooh. 29 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:29,080 Hi. 30 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:30,080 Oh... 31 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:31,160 Mmm! 32 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,640 It was really nice of Dad to come and support the exhibition 33 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:35,160 last night, wasn't it? 34 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:37,120 Define support. He was very late. 35 00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:38,840 Yeah, he was probably very shy. 36 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:42,280 That naked drawing of him is not flattering. 37 00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:44,040 No, it is. Believe me. 38 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,880 Mum, when are you going to come back into the house, leave the shed? 39 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:48,200 Why would I do that? 40 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:50,200 I've got my independence. 41 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:53,280 Celebrate with me, daughter, for I am coming into my power. 42 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,880 Mum, you're sleeping in a shed. 43 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:56,640 Don't see how that's a power move. 44 00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:58,520 It's a cradle of creativity. 45 00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:02,080 So, Olivia saw you in the garden centre and she said, and I quote, 46 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:04,040 "You were giving gnomecore." 47 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,360 That's good, right? 48 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:08,800 No, look, maybe Dad isn't so bad. 49 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:10,480 Maybe there's more pluses than minuses. 50 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:12,680 Well, let's put that to the test, shall we? 51 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:15,840 I will keep a tally over the next sort of day or so, 52 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:18,040 and we'll see how he performs. 53 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:19,640 It's a bit weird. 54 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:20,920 Is it weird or is it thorough? 55 00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:22,640 I mean, the thing is, Flo, 56 00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:25,240 I don't know that I actually need him. 57 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:27,800 Why do we actually need men, Flo? 58 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:29,080 I mean, what are they for? 59 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,320 You know, apart from opening jam jars. 60 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:32,760 Maybe what I really need 61 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:35,600 is to move into a commune of other women over 50 62 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:40,280 who all, you know, are emotionally intelligent and share the load. 63 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:41,640 Yeah, and like sing. 64 00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:45,440 Well, yeah, no, and also useful things, like stack the dishwasher. 65 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:46,640 I stack the dishwasher. 66 00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:48,600 Big news, by the way. Mm-hm? 67 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:51,000 I'm not his father. 68 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,520 What did you say? 69 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:54,400 Austin. I'm not his dad. 70 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:56,040 DNA tests came back last night. 71 00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:59,320 Negative, not related. 72 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:05,640 Oh, my God. 73 00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:08,560 Sorry, so I don't have a brother? 74 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:09,560 Oh, no. 75 00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:10,800 (CHUCKLES) 76 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,440 I'm so sorry, Flo. 77 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:13,480 Why? It's good news for her. 78 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:16,320 You know, the house, Granny's jewellery. 79 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:19,000 Julian, are you having any feelings about this at all? 80 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:21,760 Of course, yeah. I'm experiencing quite a lot of relief. 81 00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:23,120 He's processing. 82 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,280 He's just... his feelings are just coming in the post. 83 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:26,920 Yeah, and not by airmail. 84 00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:29,640 When you think about it, it's quite a funny story. 85 00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:32,240 Austin's going to be completely floored by this. 86 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:34,520 I mean, you're really important to him. 87 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:36,640 I mean, not as important as buses, admittedly, 88 00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:38,160 but I mean, you're still important. 89 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:40,280 No, no, I know. I know. Yeah. 90 00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:42,040 Dad, how are you going to break this to him? 91 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:43,240 Probably by text. 92 00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:45,120 I was thinking verbally? 93 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:46,480 Yeah. OK. 94 00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:47,800 Face-to-face, he's earned that. Hm? 95 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:51,200 Yeah, I mean, you could start with something good and positive, 96 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,720 and then the bad news, and then something else good. 97 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:55,800 You know, your standard bombshell sandwich. 98 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,080 I like it. 99 00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:59,920 Yeah, so, "Hey, Austin, I've really enjoyed having you to stay with us. 100 00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:01,560 "Also, you're not my son. 101 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:03,880 "Also, great shoes." 102 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:05,440 Maybe needs a bit of finessing, but... 103 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:07,280 Ah, you do, don't you? Yeah. 104 00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:11,480 Julian, could you open that jam jar for me? 105 00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:13,920 What? I've just put on hand cream. 106 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:39,640 (PHONE CHIMES) 107 00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:41,960 Oh, look, from Austin. 108 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:44,840 Oh, DNA results in. 109 00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:46,560 "Julian not father"? 110 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:49,280 What the hell? 111 00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:50,360 Oh! (PHONE CLATTERS) 112 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:52,640 I just had that fixed. 113 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:55,600 Did you hear that, Daddy? 114 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,200 Can you text him, please? 115 00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:58,480 Ask him what he means. 116 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:00,520 My phone's in my luggage. 117 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:01,680 What? Why would I need it? 118 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:05,240 I'm about to have 250 hours of on-demand viewing, 4K. 119 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:07,680 "Julian not father"? 120 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:08,880 Keep your voice down, love. 121 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:10,800 We'll be the talk of the premium lounge. 122 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,760 OK, let's do the maths. 123 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:19,800 The female gestation period is what? 124 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,280 20 weeks, 25? 125 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,200 It's 40 weeks, Dad. 126 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,440 Are you serious? 127 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,400 That's the best part of a year. 128 00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:30,480 My hat's off to you girls. That's a commitment. 129 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:33,880 Look, Dad, as much as I'd like to while away the next two hours 130 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:36,240 doing the maths around my sexual encounters, 131 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:38,480 there's no need to. 132 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:41,800 It can't be this other guy. I think. 133 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:42,920 You think? 134 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,960 I don't know, Dad. It was a long time ago. 135 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,840 Also, those little guys can hang around in there. 136 00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:49,880 It's the survivors that make it. 137 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,160 Tough little nuts. 138 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:52,600 I'm talking about sperms. 139 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,600 I got it, Dad. I got it. 140 00:05:58,360 --> 00:05:59,840 Hi, Austin. 141 00:05:59,840 --> 00:06:01,000 Morning. 142 00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:03,240 Nice swans. 143 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:05,640 They're not swans, they're cranes. 144 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:07,760 And nice is the enemy of great. 145 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:08,960 That's very true. 146 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,280 Listen, Austin, there's something I need to tell you. 147 00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:14,880 I had an email last night, our DNA results. 148 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:16,520 Yes, I know - negative. 149 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:19,320 I also got that email and I read it in bed. 150 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:21,240 Why didn't you come downstairs? 151 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:23,240 I was trying to get to sleep. 152 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:25,040 It was quarter to midnight. 153 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:27,080 That's an hour and 15 minutes behind schedule. 154 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:30,080 And how'd that go? Looks like maybe not well. 155 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:32,480 I eventually drifted off from sheer exhaustion, 156 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:34,640 but then not long after that, the lab called me. 157 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:35,720 The lab? 158 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:36,800 What, the DNA lab? 159 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,800 Well, he doesn't mean a Labrador, does he, Julian? 160 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,400 Apparently, they have someone else on file 161 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,840 whose DNA is a 50% match with me. 162 00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:43,880 What? 163 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:46,600 Long story short, my real dad is a 58-year-old man 164 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:47,920 living in Northampton. 165 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:49,040 Oh, my gosh. 166 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,760 This brings things into focus, doesn't it? 167 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:51,880 Mel was seeing someone else. 168 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:52,960 You were seeing someone else. 169 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:54,600 Who? Me! 170 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:55,640 Oh, right. 171 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:56,960 Still sorry, by the way. 172 00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:58,400 The lab asked me if I was willing 173 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,520 to share my contact details with this person. 174 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:01,720 What did you say? 175 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,360 And I agreed to it. 176 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:06,800 Wow, Austin, that is a lot to process. 177 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,720 I must warn you, it may get emotional for you. 178 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:12,280 But so far, I'm finding that the best way to handle this 179 00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:14,400 is via origami. 180 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,800 Also, if one of you could nip around to the newsagent 181 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,960 and get me another ream of decent weight paper, 182 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:21,320 that would be deeply appreciated. 183 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,360 OK. 184 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:30,680 Right. 185 00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:33,240 Thank you for providing me this exchange of details. 186 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:34,800 Much appreciated. 187 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:47,120 Hey, guys. 188 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:49,080 I have some big news. 189 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:52,600 DNA Dunn have connected me with my biologically matched father 190 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,080 and he's agreed to meet with me. 191 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:56,680 I am now in possession of his phone number. 192 00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:59,280 Oh, my God, Austin, that's so soon. 193 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:01,320 What are you going to do? Are you going to phone him? 194 00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:03,160 I prefer text messaging. 195 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:06,960 Yeah, well, see, in this instance, Austin, it is probably better to... 196 00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:08,280 OK, too late. 197 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:09,840 He's texting. 198 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:11,840 I'm hoping to set up a meeting with this man 199 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:15,800 and, assuming that he accepts me as his "issue", 200 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:17,960 I'll ask him to provide me with lodgings 201 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:20,040 for the remainder of my time in the UK. 202 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:22,040 I've already packed up most of my things. 203 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:25,240 Austin... Austin, you don't have to do that. 204 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:27,000 No. Oh, goodness me. 205 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,080 Go on, go and unpack. 206 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:30,080 You know, I mean, of course you can carry on staying here. 207 00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:31,840 Yeah, you can stay with us as long as you want. 208 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,440 Yeah, well, within reason. 209 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:38,280 Dad... I mean, Julian, what's going to happen with my book now? 210 00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:40,880 Ah, yeah. 211 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:42,760 Now, um... Book? 212 00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:43,840 What book? 213 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:48,360 Dad... I mean, Julian has offered to publish my guide to Britain. 214 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:52,240 Oh, Dad... I mean, Julian has, has he? 215 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,560 That's uncharacteristically generous of him. 216 00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:57,120 How many copies were you thinking of self-publishing? 217 00:08:57,120 --> 00:09:00,800 Small, you know, possible print run of, say, 500. 218 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,920 So, £5,000. 219 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,280 And you're going to have to do one for Florence as well, 220 00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:06,920 so that makes £10,000. 221 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:09,480 Yes, just because I'm an artist doesn't mean I'm bad at maths. 222 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:11,640 £10,000, that just seems like an awful lot 223 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:13,360 for an unemployed man to be spending. 224 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:15,000 Florence hasn't even written a book. 225 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,160 Yeah, well, that's... that's immaterial. 226 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:20,440 Newsflash - this is what you have to do when you have two children. 227 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:21,680 I haven't got two children. 228 00:09:21,680 --> 00:09:23,160 Yeah, but you did when you made the offer. 229 00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:24,920 We aren't going to have to publish a book by Florence, 230 00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:26,680 because I'm not going to publish one by him now, am I? 231 00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:28,000 He's not even my son. 232 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:31,280 Or, certainly, it's probably due a rethink, isn't it? 233 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,200 You know, maybe we come at this from a different angle. 234 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:34,640 Make it an online thing. 235 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,680 Yeah, we could probably make this an online thing as well. 236 00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:39,400 What are you writing in that book? 237 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:42,120 Absolutely nothing. 238 00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:58,880 Florence. Jesus Christ. 239 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:00,360 Do you think you could, um, you know... 240 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,040 If you're talking to your mum anyway... 241 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:03,960 Oh, put in a good word for you? In a word. 242 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:05,920 Yes, I need this. We need this. 243 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:07,720 Huh? Do you want to come from a broken home? 244 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:11,440 Oh, two Christmas dinners, two lots of birthday presents, you know? 245 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:12,480 No, I'm joking. 246 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,160 I mean, a little, but, you know... 247 00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:16,880 I don't know what I can say to bring her back to you. 248 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:18,840 Well, tell her that I'm sorry, you know, for all the times 249 00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:20,520 that I haven't measured up, which I genuinely am. 250 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,360 Oh, OK. And tell her I've changed. 251 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:23,960 Oh, have you? 252 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:26,680 Well, I probably will, you know, if required to do so. 253 00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:29,800 And, um, see if you can coax her back into the marital bed. 254 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:30,800 Oh, no. 255 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:31,880 No, no, no, no. 256 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,360 Dad, nobody wants to hear their parents talking about sex. 257 00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:36,440 Well, that's a silly thing to feel awkward about. 258 00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:37,520 Oh, OK. 259 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:40,360 Well, then, how about you think about your mum and dad having sex? 260 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:42,400 Er... How's it make you feel? 261 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:43,920 Strange. 262 00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:45,000 OK. 263 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,200 So, when it comes to conjugal issues, you can just... 264 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:49,160 ..you can just talk to Mum about that on your own. 265 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:51,280 Hey, everyone. He's texted me back. 266 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,000 He's invited me to Northampton. Oh. 267 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,360 As previously mentioned, that's where he lives. 268 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,200 Great. Let's go. Shall I drive us? 269 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:03,480 No. No. 270 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,760 No, you're right. The M1 will be a nightmare, won't it? 271 00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:06,800 I'll book train tickets. 272 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,920 Julian, you're being very enthusiastic. 273 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:10,520 I'm being supportive. 274 00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:12,280 You're supporting him right out the door. 275 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:13,920 Austin loves trains. Huh? 276 00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:15,840 I really resent it when people assume that, 277 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:18,360 because that is kind of a stereotype of autism. 278 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:20,680 And also, it's railways. 279 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,640 Come on, then. Help me pick out some tickets. 280 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:25,800 Northampton sounds quite regal. 281 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,200 I mean, it is a Hampton. 282 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,160 Assuming that it's the original Hampton. 283 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:32,160 Yeah. Maybe reserve your judgment on that. 284 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:35,560 You OK, bubs? 285 00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:37,000 Yeah. 286 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:40,120 I just can't believe I'm losing the brother I never knew I had. 287 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:41,800 Mm. I know. 288 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,880 A good Hartswood man is too much to hope for. 289 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:46,520 Mmm. 290 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:48,160 Women, on the other hand... 291 00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:01,480 Guys, uh, first class is at the other end, I think. 292 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:03,320 WOMAN: (OVER PA) Due to an earlier cancellation, 293 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:06,480 the train about to arrive on platform 1 will be declassified. 294 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:09,040 Shit. It's been declassified. 295 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:10,360 We're gonna have to grab our seats. 296 00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:12,360 It's gonna be anarchy. 297 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:14,520 Big day for you, Austin. 298 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:16,760 If you want to talk about your feelings, I'm... 299 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:18,920 I'm actually feeling a range of emotions. 300 00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:20,760 Yeah. Most of them are quite unpleasant. 301 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:24,080 I've been trying to cram facts about Northampton on Wikipedia, 302 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:27,040 but for some reason, I can't read on trains. 303 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:29,120 Stop sheep-dogging us. 304 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:30,120 Shepherding, yeah. 305 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:32,720 You want my advice? Just enjoy it. Yeah. 306 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:34,240 Enjoy it? Seriously? 307 00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:35,480 That's your advice? Yeah. 308 00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:37,800 For a writer, no experience is wasted. 309 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:39,240 Finding out your real dad is, 310 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:42,200 that's an intense moment very few people experience. 311 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:44,000 Austin's getting it twice in a year. 312 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,560 Gold miner material. 313 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:49,360 So if this train were to crash, and the three of us 314 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,680 were to be dragged from the wreckage, barely alive, 315 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:53,280 there would be a part of you thinking, 316 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:56,800 "Oh, goody, a trauma I can write about for cash." 317 00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,480 Only way to get a book deal these days. 318 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,200 Well, it is true, now I think about it. 319 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:05,160 If you guys will excuse me, I'm going to urinate and obtain snacks. 320 00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:09,200 Think he's going to be alright? 321 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,000 Not going to take a wrong turn? No, he's not. 322 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,720 It's a train. He's fine. 323 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:13,920 Actually, while he's gone, 324 00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:16,520 there's something I've been meaning to ask you, actually. 325 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:18,040 I think you should come back to the house. 326 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:20,480 Are you aware that sounds like an order, not a request? 327 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,400 Would you kindly return to the house? 328 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:23,720 Better, but no. 329 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,760 Must be some way of saying it that makes it sound alright. 330 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:26,960 Maybe there isn't. 331 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:28,520 Has that thought occurred to you? 332 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:29,760 Just thought you'd be about ready. 333 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:31,600 I'm not a cake, Julian. 334 00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:33,600 God! 335 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:41,720 Oh, wait a minute. I see what's going on here. 336 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:44,240 You're marking me? 337 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:47,200 (SIGHS) How is it up there on the moral high ground? 338 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:48,760 Breezy. Mm. 339 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,320 Don't tell me there's not a little bit of you that's relieved 340 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:53,680 he's not my son. 341 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,680 How dare you? Alright. 342 00:13:56,680 --> 00:13:58,240 Invite him for Christmas. 343 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:05,080 We always go to the loch for Christmas. 344 00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:10,320 (MEN CHANT INDISTINCTLY) 345 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,560 (CHEERING) 346 00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:20,400 Just as I feared. 347 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:23,160 The nightmare of declassification. 348 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:24,880 Using your plug, mate? 349 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,280 No, but, uh... No? 350 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:29,960 You're a top man. Legend. 351 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,680 Just as long as they don't start playing two types of music 352 00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:35,920 at the same time. 353 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:39,680 Can somebody please remove this cable? 354 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:42,040 Thank you. 355 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,240 Oi, oi! It's Sherlock Holmes! 356 00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:46,920 You alright, Sherlock, mate? 357 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:50,480 I assume you must be referring to the deerstalker hat. 358 00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:51,720 Fun fact. 359 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:54,440 Sherlock Holmes, as described by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, 360 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:55,680 never actually wore one. 361 00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:57,080 (LAUGHTER) 362 00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:58,480 This bloke's a proper boffin. 363 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,320 You should go on The Chase, mate. 364 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:01,560 Do you want a beer, bruv? 365 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,040 I'll pass, thank you kindly. 366 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:04,600 Why not? It's nothing personal. 367 00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:07,280 I just wish to remain in full control of my senses. 368 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:09,160 And fizzy drinks make me gassy. 369 00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:10,920 (LAUGHTER) 370 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:14,680 INGRID: You have to handle this. 371 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:16,080 I am handling it. 372 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:17,800 How are you handling it? You're not doing anything. 373 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:18,840 I'm biding. 374 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:19,880 Biding? 375 00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:21,240 Yeah, biding. 376 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,760 Gets any worse, I may move to glowering. 377 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:25,800 Quite possibly tossing. 378 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,520 Why don't you handle it? 379 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,120 If it was a ski lift, yeah, sure. 380 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:30,720 I can't handle it in this situation. 381 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:31,840 They'll call me a Karen 382 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:34,480 and then I cannot be held responsible for my actions. 383 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:36,800 I'll go full night bitch. I might bite someone. 384 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:37,920 Yeah, lads. 385 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:41,440 Hey! (CHEERING) 386 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:44,240 Hey! Hey! 387 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:46,360 Hey, I need that to impress my father! 388 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,400 (LAUGHTER) 389 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,400 Lads, you've had your fun. Give him his hat back. 390 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:52,160 Who are you, mate? Sherlock's dad? 391 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:55,800 On the contrary, this man happens to be the author of the Big Bear books. 392 00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:57,040 Thanks, Austin. Oh, what? 393 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,440 The Big Bear Goes To The Toilet? 394 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:01,320 No, it's Big Bear Learns To Use The Toilet, actually. 395 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:03,360 And it won a Toddler's Choice Book Award. 396 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:04,680 (LAUGHTER) 397 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:06,040 Thank you, darling. I've got this. 398 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:07,520 I'm serious. The hat. 399 00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:08,840 Or what? 400 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:11,080 Or... else? 401 00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:13,800 Oooh! 402 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:15,200 Or else what? 403 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:16,440 This yours, is it? 404 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:21,720 OK, I'm giving you five seconds. I'm warning you. 405 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,240 I'll take it back. I'm so sorry. Sorry. 406 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:24,800 Three seconds now. 407 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,200 One. Give me the hat back! 408 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:27,480 No, no, no, no! 409 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:31,640 There you go, Austin. 410 00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:33,040 Bag out the train! 411 00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:34,880 He tossed your bag out the train! 412 00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:36,400 (CHANTING) Bag out the train! 413 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,080 He tossed your bag out the train! 414 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,880 (CHEERING) 415 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:45,600 Um, 416 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:51,160 H-A-R-T-S-W-O-O-D. 417 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:52,720 Occupation? 418 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,080 Children's author. 419 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:55,920 Anything I might know? 420 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:57,520 The Big Bear series? 421 00:16:58,760 --> 00:16:59,880 I see. 422 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,960 Do you think Big Bear would have thrown someone's bag out of a train? 423 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:07,240 Well, if there was a perceived injustice... 424 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:09,680 No. 425 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:11,400 No, Big Bear would have used his words. 426 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,000 Yes. 427 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,440 Yes, he would. 428 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:18,080 So which one is it? 429 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:19,680 It's number 50. 430 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:21,400 This one. 431 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:22,960 Yeah. 432 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,320 So, Austin, are you feeling, uh, ready for this? 433 00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:26,840 Uh, not really. 434 00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:28,000 Austin, wait. 435 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,680 Uh, just before you go in, I wanted to say how much 436 00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:33,320 I valued the time that we spent together. 437 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:36,880 And, um, you know, even though I'm not your biological father... 438 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,400 ..I love you. 439 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:42,120 I did warn you could get emotional. 440 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,280 Post's arrived by boat. 441 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:48,440 And I... 442 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:49,720 I love you too, Dad. 443 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,040 I mean, Julian. 444 00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:53,800 Of course I still want to publish your book. 445 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,200 I mean, if you'll do me that honour. 446 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,400 And Ingrid agrees. 447 00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:58,600 Yeah, of course. 448 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,480 And you must come and spend Christmas with us. 449 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,320 Yeah. We're family. 450 00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:04,760 Whatever a DNA test says. 451 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:06,920 Ah! 452 00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:15,480 I found all of that quite uncomfortable, 453 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:18,720 but also pretty lovely. 454 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:20,480 Go on, then. Go on, then. 455 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:21,600 Go meet your real dad. 456 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:32,680 (KNOCKS ON DOOR) 457 00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:37,640 Connor Webster? 458 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:39,400 Austin Hogan? 459 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,480 I'm your son. 460 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:46,560 Now, I'm not a scientist, 461 00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:49,520 but I think there's probably been some sort of mistake 462 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,000 or mix-up at the lab. 463 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,600 WOMAN: It's only me, love. 464 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:57,240 Temp weekend was cancelled. 465 00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,000 Gastric flu. 466 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,200 Amy was the first. 467 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,360 Now they're all dropping like flies. 468 00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:03,360 Hi. Hi. 469 00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:04,360 Sorry. 470 00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:05,600 Who are you? 471 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:06,760 Uh, what's going on? 472 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,680 I did a DNA test. 473 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:10,800 What? 474 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:13,600 The company called me to tell me there was someone on file 475 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:15,040 who was a match. 476 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:16,720 A possible son. 477 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:18,440 What? 478 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:19,960 But look, it's fine. 479 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,280 There's obviously been some kind of mix-up. 480 00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,160 (LAUGHS UNCOMFORTABLY) 481 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:28,120 I mean, I don't think this young man is my son. 482 00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:29,520 Hi, I'm Austin. 483 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:30,720 Good to meet you. 484 00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:33,120 Hang on, hang on. 485 00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:36,600 Why did you think you might have a son you didn't know about? 486 00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:37,600 I didn't. 487 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:39,040 I was confused. 488 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,400 Why were you getting a DNA test in the first place? 489 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:42,920 Oh, is this about the DNA test? 490 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,080 Is the results back? 491 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:45,160 You knew about this? 492 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:46,160 Yeah. 493 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:48,280 You were spending a lot of time with Nigel back then, 494 00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:50,000 and I just needed to know. 495 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:51,120 Hello? 496 00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:53,480 Oh, my God, he was my skating partner! 497 00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:56,440 Guys, uh, sorry, it's the lab. 498 00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:58,160 Um, you say you have someone on file 499 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:00,800 who's a close DNA relative, possibly a son? 500 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:01,800 (SIGHS) 501 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:05,240 You've got two sets of results mixed up. 502 00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,000 WOMAN: (ON PHONE) Ah, so you're not Connor Webster? 503 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,880 I am Julian Hartswood. 504 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:12,640 Yes, I have your results here, Mr Hartswood. 505 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:16,160 It looks like we have someone on file who is a match. 506 00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:18,640 Is it by any chance Austin Hogan? 507 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:21,480 Well, I'll need the other person's permission. 508 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,040 For God's sake. 509 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:24,240 This is Austin Hogan. 510 00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:26,480 If it is me, you have my permission. 511 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:30,440 Yes, you are a 50% DNA match with Austin Hogan. 512 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:31,560 Well... Yes! 513 00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:33,120 Well, that is fantastic. 514 00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:35,240 Um, however, you do need to make sure this doesn't happen again. 515 00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:38,840 You have caused us considerable emotional distress. 516 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:40,760 And we've had to come to Northampton. No offence. 517 00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:42,520 I'm sorry, Mr Hartswood. 518 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:46,040 By way of compensation, I could offer you a free DNA test. 519 00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:48,080 Free DNA test? Why would I want another one? 520 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,400 I don't know. 521 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:52,120 If you have another child you wanted to check the paternity of, or... 522 00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:54,720 OK, yeah, well, stick one in the post. 523 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:56,240 May as well if it's free. 524 00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:57,480 (WHISPERS) Let's get out. 525 00:20:58,520 --> 00:20:59,720 This way. 526 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:01,640 Shall we...? Shall we? Yeah. 527 00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:02,920 Thank you so much for having us. 528 00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:04,800 Yes, thanks... It was so nice to meet you. 529 00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:08,680 And we wish you, yeah, all the best. Yeah. 530 00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:10,120 I forgot my bag, sorry. 531 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:17,520 (WOMAN YELLS INDISTINCTLY INSIDE) 532 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,000 Who knew? 533 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:24,440 Maybe we're not Britain's most dysfunctional couple after all. 534 00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:25,960 Shall we call a cab? 535 00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:27,560 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 536 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:31,320 May I suggest that we call from around the corner? 537 00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:32,320 Good idea. 538 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:33,400 (YELLING CONTINUES INSIDE) 539 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,640 Also, we need to tell Florence the good news. 540 00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:45,760 Whew! 541 00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:49,360 Thank you so much. Thank you. 542 00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:50,680 Good to have you back, son. 543 00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:51,960 Great to be back, Dad. 544 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:53,400 Anyone fancy a hot chocolate? 545 00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:54,640 Ooh. 546 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:55,640 (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) 547 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:58,000 After you. Oh, Austin. 548 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:06,200 Oh, I have 14 missed calls from my mother. 549 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,440 I guess I'd better go tell her the good news 550 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:10,880 that I'm not related to Connor from Northampton after all. 551 00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:12,280 You need to get an early night. 552 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,160 You've got a book to finish. 553 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:15,720 I'll bring your hot chocolate up. 554 00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:16,920 Thanks, Dad. 555 00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:18,360 Flo? Yeah? 556 00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:20,520 Do you want us to publish a book by you as well? 557 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:21,960 Yeah, cool, yeah. 558 00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:24,600 Oh, and do you want a hot chocolate? 559 00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:27,000 (SCOFFS) Dad, I'm actually on the phone. 560 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,520 But, yeah, please, that'd be great. 561 00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:33,880 What about you? 562 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:35,240 Would you like a hot choc? 563 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,480 What about me? What about you? 564 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:39,200 What about all of us? Hm? 565 00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:42,800 It's official. Austin's in. 566 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:43,840 Yeah. 567 00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:45,240 And that doesn't have to be a bad thing. 568 00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:47,720 I mean, it's an opportunity for us to have a complete reset. 569 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:49,960 Totally. Isn't it? 570 00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:52,240 So do you want a hot chocolate? Or... 571 00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:55,280 Uh, goddess tea, please. 572 00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:56,720 Goddess tea coming right up. 573 00:22:57,880 --> 00:22:59,200 Do you think I've let myself go? 574 00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:00,600 Hm? 575 00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:04,760 It's just one of Florence's friends said I was channelling gnomecore. 576 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:06,080 Gnomecore? 577 00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:08,000 Gnomecore! 578 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:09,800 Actually, I can work with that. 579 00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:11,400 Kinky. 580 00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:12,880 (LAUGHS) 581 00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:16,760 How did I do, by the way, in your little score book? 582 00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:19,320 Oh, it's just a childish little... You did better as the day went on. 583 00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:21,360 Still room for improvement, though. 584 00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:23,360 Room for improvement. 585 00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:24,720 Mm. OK. 586 00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:31,280 So what would this ruddy-cheeked, white-bearded, pot-bellied gnome 587 00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:34,080 have to do to lure this... 588 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,920 Beautiful... ..gnome back into their abode? 589 00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:40,200 You want to fish in my pond, you're going to have to get a bigger worm. 590 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:42,160 (LAUGHS) 591 00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:45,920 I have no idea what that means, and I don't think you do either. 592 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,920 It means stop taking me for granted. 593 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:50,160 Try a bit harder. 594 00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:53,480 Where are you going? 595 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:56,560 I'm going to the silver mine at the bottom of the garden. 596 00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,840 Well, I don't suppose you could stay now and, you know, 597 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:00,200 let me earn it later? 598 00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,040 This gnome ain't for turning. 599 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:03,680 Is that too much gnome? 600 00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:05,520 Can there ever be too much gnome? 601 00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:07,760 I don't think I really want to encourage the gnome thing. (LAUGHS) 602 00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,000 Just be our little secret. 603 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,160 Yeah. 604 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:15,280 Night. 605 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:16,520 Night. 606 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:17,640 (DOOR CLOSES) 607 00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:22,840 Austin's Guide To Britain. 608 00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:25,840 Chapter 9. 609 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:29,680 Northampton. 610 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:45,280 Do I really need an agent? 611 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:46,360 Yes! Yes! 612 00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:49,480 Austin, your book is sensational. 613 00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:50,560 So you've read it, then? 614 00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:51,640 Almost a third of it. 615 00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,240 For an agent, that is high praise indeed. 616 00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:57,160 Do you remember how I never wanted to do Big Bear TV? 617 00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:58,840 So how are we doing? Have we got a deal? 618 00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:01,920 I think there was one company that wanted to do live action. 619 00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:03,200 Yeah, Australian. 620 00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:04,880 Greta says that she can't sell the book 621 00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:07,680 unless I show that I'm British enough to make fun of the British. 622 00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:10,160 I need to know my British origin story pronto. 623 00:25:11,305 --> 00:26:11,191